#let’s see if I ever finish this one lol

[thatonesonicfanfictionwriter]

Shadow x reader

but like shadow is introducing her to like sonic and the others lol

I want to see Sonic be like ‘how tf-‘

-🩸

“Awkward Introduction”

Pairing: Shadow the Hedgehog x Female Reader

Requested: Yes (by an anon).

Description: No one, except for maybe Rouge, thought Shadow would ever get a partner. Well, here you were! And things were going to get awkward, real fast.

Notes: Oooh, this one will be a lot of fun! Awkward stuff is pretty funny! Hope you enjoy, anon! (Blood anon? Should I call you that based on the emoji?-)

(Reader will use She/They pronouns.)

(Not proof-read/beta-read.)

– – – – – – – – – – – –

It’s a normal day in Autumn Village, your hometown.

You’re relaxing with your boyfriend, Shadow the Hedgehog, the two of you cuddling while watching a movie.

Shadow has his head on your lap, making a quiet clicking sound as you pet his quills, his quills being in a relaxed stature so he doesn’t prick you.

The two of you remain this way until Shadow’s communicator on the nearby table rings, causing him to grumble, the clicking noise (which you found out was him purring) stopping.

He gets up from your lap, grabbing his communicator from the table and answering it with a grumpy face.

“What do you want,” Shadow spats out.

“Whaat, can’t I ask my favorite rival on a race?” a voice from the communicator asks.

“No, Sonic. I’m busy,” Shadow states.

“There’s no way you’re busy!” Sonic says as-a-matter-of-factly. “Besides, our friends planned a picnic for us and I thought a race would get you to come!”

“Your friends,” Shadow corrects.

“Amy even brought a dark chocolate cake!” Sonic says.

Damnit, dark chocolate cake was his favorite.

Shadow lets out a sigh.

“Fine. But I’m bringing someone along,” Shadow says before hanging up. “You up for a picnic, [Name]?”

“Oh, sure! We can finish our Pokémon movie when we get back,” you say with a smile. You pause the movie and turn off the TV, getting up from the couch and putting your shoes on.

Shadow opens the door for you and the two of you exit the house, Shadow closing the door before smirking, picking you up in a bridal style carry before running at high speeds towards the picnic location as you wrap your arms around his neck.

When you two arrive at the location, all eyes are immediately on you as Shadow sets you down. Everyone seems flabbergasted.

“Um…Hello!” you say, waving slightly, a bit nervous.

“Hi! My name is Tails, it’s nice to meet you!” the two-tailed fox says.

“Who’s she, Shads?” Sonic asks.

“This is [Name],” Shadow starts. “My partner.”

Everyone’s mouth goes agape, until the pink-quilled hedgehog and the white-furred bat suddenly squeal out of happiness.

“Congratulations, Shadow!” the hedgehog says, giving him a hug. “I knew you could do it!”

“Good job, hun, took you a while to confess,” the bat says.

“Rouge, her and I have been dating for five months,” Shadow states.

“You’ve kept this a secret for five months?!” Sonic asks.

“Wow Sonic, how’d Shadow manage to get a girl before you?” the red echidna asks.

“Shut it, Knuckles,” Sonic grumbles.

“Hmph, some “fastest thing alive” you are, Sonic,” Shadow says with a smirk.

“You, Shads, are a butt,” Sonic says.

You let out a giggle. This’ll certainly be interesting to get used to.

[charliejaneanders]

Hi Charlie Jane!

This evening I finally picked up your book "Never Say You Can't Survive" for the first time probably over a year after I bought it, and I've been reading it hungrily. I don't quite have the words for how much just the Introduction and the first few chapters have already rewired my brain of how i understand writing, and got me thinking about it in ways I had never done before. Just. Wow!

But one thing that really really helped me was your philosophy surrounding whether or not to go with a story idea based on how simple or complex it is from the start. I realized that the reason I've been struggling so much to stay with an idea for the past year, is because I was trying to have it be completely thought out before I started writing it, to have ever chapter planned meticulously so that I didn't end up not finishing it. This may sound really dumb in hindsight lol but I've had an insecurity for years about not being able to finish a project, and I wanted to give myself a guaranteed method of being able to finish it.

Of course, it hasn't worked at all. I end up so overwhelmed and feeling Stuck because I just can't figure something out, and I'm not letting myself play around with the idea enough, not letting it evolve.

I realized that some of my best works, even if unfinished for whatever reason, I started with one thing and it evolved over time.

I've been trying so hard to understand my story from the beginning, to have it all figured out so I could carefully plan it to be perfect– but this book just changed everything!

I'm going to try to shift my mindset to instead taking a shot at different story ideas (loved the dating metaphor) seeing what I can pull from them, and if it doesn't end up working, just moving on and not trying to force it.

But first I'm going to keep reading– because I've already learned so much from this book, so many thoughts and ideas have been floating around in my brain where before I was struggling to come up with any, in just the first few chapters. I'm confident that by the end of this book I'll have something in my head, whether it sticks or not.

Just wanted to say thank you for writing this wonderful book, because I've never gotten this kind of advice before that's left me feeling more confident in my ability to be a writer, while challenging myself at the same time!

Thank you so much for this!!! I’m so glad to hear the book is helpful.

I really do think every writer is different, and some writers can’t plan out their books/stories as completely in advance as others. I love going in with a plan and then getting lost in my characters and world, ending up with something completely different than what I thought I’d  be writing. <3

[pizza-soup]

Hey! Just wanted to do an update for the new year!

Sooo, what have I been up to? A lot actually!

First off, I'd like to introduce a new member to my household, her name is Lucky, and I found her on an urbex trip last year as a tiny thing, and looked how gorgeous she is as an adult!

Those markings are pretty neat, huh? She's looks just like a Maneki Neko, all that's missing is a red ribbon and koban coin. She has such a sweet, affectionate personality, she is surprisingly very open to strangers giving her attention, and she loves water! Yeah, she plays in water! She has zero fear of it and likes playing with the sink faucet or laying on my shoulders when I soaking in the bath. I think it stems from me taking her out to the garden with me in the summer when I was watering the plants, the puddles cooled her off.

Speaking of gardening, I have two new trees. Ginkgos! My great aunt had one in her front yard, these are the babies. Since it's way too cold to plant them directly into the ground, they're currently in pots. I want them to grow just a bit larger before transplanting them.

And yes, that's Sol posing by the new trees! Look how handsome he is now! I'm glad he and his sister took in Lucky as an honorable sibling, I think she'd be very lonely otherwise. Stella has also grown up to be beautiful, and likes sharing her bed with Lucky. Orion doesn't like her though. Lol but he tolerates her so long as she doesn't get too close.

My health is better, thankfully. While I think I'll always have hypotension now, my doctor and I found a setup that works to keep it at bay. I have to watch my activity level and learn to rest properly (exercise can cause BP to drop fast), and stay hydrated with electrolytes daily. I have to set reminders though, since Im so bad at remembering. So far I haven't had any relapses for 7 months. I've also oddly lost a lot of weight, I thought it was suspicious, but my doctor said I'm actually at my BMI and the weight loss was gradual. My records show it was within a normal time range. Idk it felt so sudden to ME, but maybe I didn't notice it until recently. Eh. My sense of time isn't the best. Whatever the case, I was told to keep doing whatever I'm doing.

Work is... just as weird as always! Lol to the point it's kind of not weird for me anymore, I've gotten used to the strangeness of it. My brother however never got used to it. He actually quit working for the labs, not because it scared him off but because he finally got his major finished and he is working in an observatory down south. I'm proud of him! Space has always been a big interest for him, and the space science here in NM is growing!

As for creating, I've been busy writing two fanfics on Ao3. One is a Pokemon story, Come What May, and another is an alternate take on the classic Disney film, The Little Mermaid, called Candle on the Water. They're pretty long, my Pokemon fic is currently topping 20 chapters! I'd really appreciate if more people read them. Give em a little love. It's not the best work ever, but I'm kinda proud of them. They were written when I was struggling with a lot of self doubt and mild Imposter Syndrome. I'm working on being more gentle to myself and not letting perfectionism sabotage me or stop me from creating, and I'm kinda seeing that effort pay off bit by bit.

I've also been doing some song covers. I'm not sure if I'm confident in sharing those yet, but I've gotten a lot of encouragement from my family and my brother's friend who has been letting me borrow his music studio for recording sessions. Maybe I'll post one song if it's requested. I have three covers so far and they're all Evanescence. XD

Its been a very peaceful time for me, I got a raise last November and it's been nice. I've been treating myself to stationery and home decor. I splurged a bit and got two gaming devices from Anbernic, and have been modding my 3DSXL. Because screw gaming companies and their paywalling/microtransactions. It's time we start actually owning our games again, including media like music and movies.

I think this year is going to focus on retro media for me. CDs, DVDs, cassettes and vinyls. I've been rediscovering my collection in the garage and learning to maintain/fix my devices. Because while I do enjoy my modern media, I like the thought of having offline backups should I not have access to it later.

And my old school stuff takes me back to my summer days in school when I couldn't wait to get home to play my Gameboy while listening to my CDs, reading comics, or doodle and write short stories in my notebooks, or make zines with my friends. That might be something to revisit this summer.

I hope everything has been going well for you all, and if not, I hope it will soon. I may just return to this year, but probably gradually. I missed you all, and I miss sharing bits of my life here with you.

Take care! 💕

[haveihitanerve]

Yet another one- You guys know the drill :) :

Sams appreciative smile of Tom’s introduction of the idea of what they're doing, amazing supportive friendship

“One man, six strangers” This audience member is fun!!! “I've seen that video1” Tom help-

“Theres only thhhreee people up here” yes good math Tom, very nice

“Bilbo Baggins finds a diamond.” “Strong rip-off vibes there” tom i cant

“The confused racist panda” the confused raci- wh-whatttt

“You lost us right in the middle there.” thank you for showing it with your hands Tom, i really needed that actually

“You get three very white guys on stage and go “lets talk racism” it doesn't end well.” With you three i think it might, but fair point- also i thought he was just grabbing a drink- wheres luke??? 😭

“Is that from Twin Towers guy?” ok i didn't see the first half of the show- but thats an insane way to be categorized/known, also AJ fucking losing it is always a gem, love that

Even sam had to hang his head for that one lmao what did you do twin towers guy???

“The excited chinchilla?” Glances around at Sam and AJ. “What do you guys like so far?” Genuinely my heart omg-

“I like the excited chinchilla- what does that, what does that look like exactl-” AJ you better be asking about what the scene could possibly look like and not what the animal-

“What does a chinchilla look like?” AJ please 😭

Also just to mention- when he started speaking Tom pointed to him and idk but it made something inside me smile so… mentioning it…. moving on

“Its like a cute little-” forms a ball with his hands. I gotta say Tom, thats pretty accurate. “Gerbil-y sort of thing.” Sam finishing his sentence i cant 😭

Also if Tom keeps pointing to them like that i might actually lose it-

“What he said.” I love them so much and i don't even know why this sentence specifically made me scream that but um… yeah

Sam and AJ just standing up, trying to figure out wtf they're gonna do…hoping inspiration will come from being elevated or smth ig

“You know some people get a dog i guess.” AJ i fucking love you-

His shrug also- cutest thing i've ever seen in my life

Ok idc where this relationship goes- but Sam and AJ being in love is rarely a thing and i didn't know how much i needed it until now but its adorable- Sam has the sweetest smile and AJ genuinely looks afraid of this nonexistent chinchilla but calmer the closer Sam gets and ahhhhh

Also sam talking about children😭i know they’re fake but planning a future together- my heart-😭

- i genuinely did not see Tom coming- XD losing my lung rn laughing what- and he does the raspy worker dude voice so well- help

“Thanks dad.” AJ marry me rn. 

HE EVEN CAUGHT SAM OFF GUARD!!!!!

“...chinchilla.” The way he said that- wh-sir why??? 

Sam and AJ are both also caught off guard- oh this is gonna be a fun one i can tell- literally both breaking together at Tom’s strange growl 

“Was this your idea?” Perfect gruff disapproving dad Tom, 10/10

“One moment sweetheart.” yes yes!!! Protect your daughter, take aside the boyfriend/husband???-it hasn't been established yet- and then… idk what actually but yes i love how gentle he was to AJ lol

“Listen i like you, yeah?” The audience understands lmaooo!! Sam thats never a good sign, run

Tom breaking- his little peek at AJ and then having to cover his mouth to hide his smile Ahhhhhhh so cute!!!

OH!!! He looked over because AJ was laughing at him- got it!!!

*AJ playing with the chinchilla* thank you captions- but im pretty sure that was just him almost dropping it-

“I think you've made a mistake here-” AJ wheezing

“Don't look at her-” “i love her!” THATS LOW SAM!!! THATS LOW!!! HE WASN'T TALKING ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER- HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE CHINCHILLA!!!! WOWWWWWW

Ok im better now (fuckin hilarious also sam, stellar)

“Shh-shhhut up.” we always love the drawn out shhhhut up

“I don't mean my daughter,” thank you for clarifying tom

AJ is running out of things to do lmaooo- holding it up to the light, turning in a circle, ah zabenya-ing it

“Just keep your door locked at night yeah?” TOM WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN??? HELLO????? I was not informed this was a horror story-

Sam is equally as confused as to where hes taking this- oh hes miming now

“At the bottom of your door you've got a- one of the draft excluders” tom what does that mean 😭

“I hope im overthinking this” you are, you so are, but i cant wait to see where this goes- oh my gods

“Keep your eyes open. Especially when you’re sleeping..” okkkk thats creepy and totally normal and what a father in law totally says-

AJ is tired of being a side character- lovely “boy chat??” idk what his hand movements are but im loving it

Sam side eyeing Tom is amazing

“You remember-” that lunge forward is worse than anything a chinchilla can do tom what- 

Also Sam and AJ breaking, they did not see that coming’

“They can feel you breathing… they can always feel you breathing.” Ok thats ominous but also why do i feel like thats a random fact that Tom learned about chinchillas that hes adding into the story??? Idk seems like a thing they can do, and a thing hed know, and a thing hed do

Sam perplexed beyond reason how they're gonna make this a functioning scene

“Maybe in the war.” *shrugs casually* AJ!!! SIR what do you mmmmmeannnnnnnn  in the war????? What

Sam also almost breaking and AJ casually laughing because whatttt did he just say how are they furthering this plot

also off topic- the little tongue in the cheek movement is great, lovely, top notch, idk love it

AJ biting his lip and needing to look away so that he doesn't completely break is my everything

“You're an accountant, I’m a lawyer.” thank you for giving us backstory Sam, greatly needed

“Falling in love with you was the best thing I ever did.” ……. SIR. How am I ever gonna find someone if you’re pulling these lines on your fucking friend while doing an improv show- 😭 the standards are too high already-

The kiss 😭

Sam’s squint at Tom like “what the fuck are you- what are we doing here? Do i move in- was that stagecraft?- what??” 

His shrug of “oh well fuck it I guess.” and moving a chair into scene while still shrugging at Tom bc he has no idea what to do

Sam repeating back all of Tom’s words in a slightly different font because he wants Tom to have control of the scene- and he has no ideas- 

AJ looking between them and doing three pretty blinks as he pieces together the story

“Gavin…” *nervous chuckle* “obviously theres a difference.” please tell him Tom, we’re all dying to know, him especially

“Ckkk” what does that mean Tom 😭i thought it meant castration at first but now???

AJ stepping forward- wanting to join the scene but he’s still not entirely sure wtf is going on and three confused scene partners is a recipe for disaster- and oop Tom has an analogy maybe wait-

“Let me finish the sentence.” the pose Sam does- help-

AJ’s slow smile as Tom continues the bad analogy

“Of course.” Sam you’ve never “ckk”ed anything what do you mean of course

“What you've done-” AJ’s little lean back and victorian hand over mouth chuckle is my favorite thing in the world he does it so much and it kills me every time its so cute

Sam loosing it- and Tom breaking on stage!!! Thats something you don't see often!!

“Venomous” VENOMOUS???? THATS THE METAPHOR??? IT ISN'T ONE????

Oh nevermind its still a metaphor

The brainstem????? Thats what “ckkk” is?????

Im so confused help 😭

Tom’s spin in the chair is hilarious- peak comedy truly

“Can you imagine an unsnipped chinchilla???” I can now??? ALso both Sam and Tom breaking again, beautiful

“Have you ever seen a Rhino with a gun?” wtf??? “No??!?!” “thats the only thing i can compare this to Gavin!” I love how he keeps casually dropping in Gavin while Gavin has yet to name him

“How'd you just come in through the back of the store?” i see stagecraft is at play

AJ also knew it was coming but laughed anyway-peak

“Thats the least of your worries right now.” yes Aj, flip it on him!!! King

“Just on-just one!” Tom sounds genuinely afraid this is golden

Oh ma gods- the way AJ’s scream cuts off perfectly and he and Tom just relax the second Sam cuts off the scene is perfect

“Captain.” wait a damn minute- Captain??? Captain of the Police Force??? Not KING???? anyway-

“Five thousand people died.” damn. damn

also Tom laughing in the background, legs crossed and fingers steepled against his chin in proper Tom pose- i adore

“Theresa may.” Audience member i love you

And the way the roll with it too- gads i love them

Sam finally breaking when AJ actually “calls” Theresa May

Tom resigning himself to play Theresa

None of them knew where they were going except Tom but they all wanted to create a scene- loving the chaos- lukeeeee 

That door creaking sound was a masterpiece and idk about you but Sam is a positively fucking terrifying chinchilla omg-

“Gary…” that audience member is losing her mind at his name being gary and i adore that for her

“Do you remember me from ZE WARRRRR!!!” the chinchilla asked calmly

“NO ONE CAN STOP ZE NAZI CHINCHILLAS!!!” Ok sam, praise, i love you, but why does it always come back to Germans??? There are more than just the one-two wars 😭like he could've created a fake one??? Nevermind its not important its the funniest one and maybe he’s just holding space for luke

AJ laughing as he dies via chinchilla is crazy

Killing him again is low but necessary lol

AJ losing it even more is a joy XD

I gotta say, very impressed with Sam’s pronunciation and then gibberish of german

AJ trying to clear the stage but Tom just stays fucking spread on the floor lmaooo

“Hold please.” AJ what???? Hes enjoying himself and being chaotic as always but what??? 😭XD

“I can hear you doing motions but this is a phone call so…” yes AJ!!!! Call him out!!!! XD glorious!!!

“With my man.” AJ i think ur in the clear to give him a name- i don't think its been done- but playing it safe, i see- even though its never stopped you before, giving someone two names but like wtv thats not my business-

Sam just messing with Tom’s arm/hands (making him slap himself) even though AJ specifically pointed out it was unnecessary but we love an annoying king- and dragging him around by his hair lol

Paella??? Is this a call back??? Its only the short story, but im assuming AJ’s being a lil bitch and making Tom say paella again- also Sam’s “squid” motion for Tom was brilliant XD

Sam dropping his head on Tom’s shoulder to laugh- my heart

“Im glad to hear I sound normal to you.” 

“Hang up ze fucking phone!!!” 

“Everything okay?” the switch from chinchilla to Sam gave me whiplash hang on-

“Did he?” “yeah yeah yeah.” “...did he?” Genuinely curious- did he? “Well he said the word.” Aj i love you

“Where its gone.” Im sorry but they said it in sync and together in harmony and like obvi but it just gives me joy anyway-

“Fuck we should probably look for it shouldn't we?” yeah just maybe AJ. 

“Ill go down to the basement..” they both knows what gonna happen. “And see if its there.” both break. “What could go wrong?” thanks for saying the classic foreboding everything-will-now-go-wrong phrase sam

AJ’s shrug is such a mood i love him

“Ill see you upstairs.” “maybe.” if AJ doesn't die now I want a refund-

Tom: ominous basement noises

“Thats the music to the scene-” yes AJ, its like in movies- you don't address it!

“I already turned zis light on.” sorry sam but i thought the “chch” was the sound of a gun cocking-

“Hello cecily.” well thats terrifying-

“Franz Haberburg.” we get a Tom smile!!!! And AJ breaks as well, so cute

“The door is pretty closed and soundproof.” Sam what??? Poor Aj is gonna die XD- also AJ’s little laugh is my life

“HUSBAND! HU-HUSBAND!!!” “you don't seem to know his name.” XD Give the poor man a break Sam, hes been bullied for not remembering names enough times-

“I call him husband thats what we do its a cute thing.” AJ- still don't think he’s been named yet so you're free but like i respect it

“Who are you- well i know who you are- but what are you doing in my basement!” Now hes asking the real questions

“Until 1939.” the way Tom covers his mouth with his fingertips every time he laughs off stage gives me life- only the fingertips too- not the whole hand its- anyway

“What do you- what do you mean?” Aj breaking and Tom still laughing- asking the real questions now

“But it just wasn't racist enough-” Tom, previously: three white guys on stage, lets talk about racism, yeah, good idea

Why are they making the chinchilla- you know what i don't want to know the thought process- also Tom’s delight as hes watching is everything so its fine

“Your father is dead.” The audience who already knew this: *dramatic gasps* YES!!!! Finally a good audience who does all the proper dramatic gasps!!!

Dead tom enters the scene again!

“Have you ever zeen ze film terminator?” AJ’s back caving with a laugh, Tom twitching with laughter and Sam breaking mid sentence- i love these stupid goobers

Also the way AJ is gently cupping Tom’s neck-

“But no every single *grows quieter* chinchilla is a *laughs* nazi” AJ breaking- i love this skit omg XD-

“I-it-s im just stalling” good work AJ- very smooth, the audience has no idea. 

Aj actually stumbling when Sam ducked- and the sound his arm made is crazy(also the way he checked to make sure he wouldn't actually hit Sam- my heart)

“Sooounnnd.” that was angelic Sam wow

AJ’s slow NPC turn-

“Maybe move on from this bit-” AJ and Sam both breaking- probably wise, honestly

*uncomfortable AJ*

“HUSBAND! HUSBAND!!! THE CHINCHILLAS A FUCKING NAZI!” Sam’s completely break- he did not expect that right out of the gate- (nor did he probably expect AJ to live through the scene but whatever-)

Also tom casually in the corner now because he cant really move theyre in the way so just watching and grinning-

“HE *YOU* VERY VERY NEARLY GAVE ME THE HITLER SPEECH! WE WERE THIS🤏CLOSE!” Sam loosing it- oh and Tom escapes to the back

“AND I ABANDONED THE SCENE!” Aj is just publicly shaming Sam now-

“I GOT OUTTA THERE! BECAUSE I HAD TO!” explaining how tf he made it out of the basement-

“I HAD TO!” wayyyy too close to Sam’s face

“Have some beans” Aj: *rightfully confused because wtf?*

AJ genuinely loosing his shit and doing some strange drinking of beans and stagecraft

TOM AS THERESA!!! SHES HERE TO SAVE THE DAY!!!!

Sam also forgot about that character- or didn't expect Tom to dedicate to actually playing her- XD

AJ CASUALLY HAS A SHOTGUN WHAT-

“Wait-wh- one! Where did you get a gun-” wise questions Sam

“Two- this is the former prime minister. She tried to get the good Brexit deal- why are you pointing a gun at her?” Lmaooo Sam

Tom: *kills himself* Sam: *takes his time to get behind him to pretend like it was him*

“Theresa May is the best Nazi killer in ze world.” all three of them laughing before recovering really fast

XDXDXDXDXD sam having to alternate between his two [personalities- a comforting husband and a nazi chinchilla- what even is their life-

AJ- its a shotgun my love, not a machine gun. Sam- thank you for just staring at him for a few minutes, contemplating whether or not to point it out before ducking under all the bullets- even tho he’s been shooting for a while longer than you ducked, nicely done

“The other one…” AJ has no idea…

“And scene- thank you.” the pure relief-

AJ casually asking Sam if thats his drink before getting his actual drink- they’re so cute

Anyway that concludes todays one- thank you!!!

Also- this show had the best Sam faces- amazed that his besties can be just as unhinged as him sometimes- hes great at the random comments that completely transform a scene (cough cough, disciplinary meeting comments, cough cough) and then does an awesome job at pretending to be shocked/amazed/horrified when the others do the same- its hilarious- anyway thanks for reading!

@dawn-speckled @snek-of-eden hope you guys enjoy!

[evilovesyou]

2025 TBR 📚

@haztobegood and @lululawrence tagged me to share the books I hope to read this year! 🩷 some of your picks have definitely made it to my list but i am limiting this to books I already own or have ordered

The last couple years I've really been slacking on my reading so I'm once again fighting to get to my goal of 12 books for the year. (I was two short in 2024 and I don't even want to talk about 2023...)

BOOKS THAT ARE CURRENTLY ON MY NIGHTSTAND

I'm technically listening to the audio book of Percy Jackson, but I will still count it on my night stand 😅 I Iike listening to Percy Jackson while walking. I found this amazing girl who read all of them on youtube and she's been walking with me for a couple years. I started reading LOTR in German in autmn and I do like it, but it feels like something I need a bit more brain power for than other things maybe. And I recently started reading The Book of Doors and I find it very intruiging so far, though I think you can tell it's the author's first publication at some points.

BOOKS THAT I WANT TO READ AGAIN

I want to read Fourth Wing and Iron Flame again before I get into the new Onyx Storm! I had to message a bookshop that specialises in English language books to try and get a full set of them that match at least in size LOL (the copies I read first stayed with my ex)

BOOKS THAT I HAVE HAD FOR AN EMBARRASSING AMOUNT OF TIME WITHOUT FINISHING/READING THEM

You can see the book marks in Mythos and Stone Blind and I actually cannot tell you why I haven’t finished either of them. Stephen Fry maybe takes more attention than I can dedicate at the end of a long day but I’ve been reading that book for almost 3 years and I adore it. Pageboy I got for my birthday a couple years ago and it has been staring at me ever since. Same with the bottom one. I wanted it so bad because it’s a collection of fairytales retold in a more inclusive/feminist way and it’s by Hungarian authors which hits so many different spots for me. But I have been so bad about reading in Hungarian it’s actually embarrassing.

BOOKS THAT I ALREADY OWN THAT I AM EXCITED TO READ

From the top down, I listened to A Room Of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf a while ago and I liked her writing so I thought I should maybe give another one a go. The Color Purple seems like a book I would enjoy and that smart people have read so I picked it up. 😅 @fadeintolight recommended I Who Have Never Known Men (I think??? Pls tell me I’m remembering this correctly lol) so that one also ended up in my basket during some bookshop escapade. And the last two I also got for my birthday this year and my friends said they’re really good so I will sink my teeth into another series this year probably.

The attentive reader may have noticed that this is way more than 12 books but alas I have always been ambitious (some might even say ambitchous).

Tagging @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed because you’ve been plowing through books like nobody’s business. @fadeintolight because I wanna know how that book club is going! @chaotic-bells because you’ve read over a million words of fic already so I’m sure you have some books you wanna dive into as well! @fallinglikethis because you’re always reading.

Also @whatagreatproblemtohave @asmicarus @ddeerr @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @reminiscingintherain and @hazzabeeforlou because I wanna know what you’re all up to 🩷

[ghost-bxrd]

“Ghost” Selkie wip 🦭👻

[bacchuschucklefuck]

we let the ocean drown out our voices/enjoying the bitterness/in the chaotic light, I close my eyes and see

[kyouka-supremacy]

Well.

[florbelles]

finished hera & started lady macbeth and we have got to start blaming women for shit again for real

[theflyingfeeling]

💖 it's here, it's pink, it's sparkly, and full of fluff 💖

Hiiiiii and welcome to witness my attempt at an Olli/Allu Advent Calendar, in which I'll give you ~a cute little something~ about these two idiots in love almost every day until December 24! My plan is to use prompts from this list to either write a fic based on the prompt or just some good ol' delulu thoughts if all else fails. I cannot guarantee there'll be a post literally every day, but I'm really excited to try this out and I thank you for your support along the way in advance 💝

The biggest thanks and a million hugs go to one of my favourite human beings @kraeuterhexchen for making the adorable banner!! I mean helloooooo?? 😭 Go show them some love ❣️

For December 1, the prompt list is titled One True Pairing Moments, and the prompt I chose was 'calling just to hear their voice' 🥺 You can read the fic below, I hope you like it <3

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PS. Even though this is an advent calendar of sorts, I'm not planning on making this particularly Christmassy. I hope no one minds terribly!

~

Falling for Aleksi had, in a way, sneaked up on Olli, at least if he fooled himself a little. He could pretend he didn’t feel any different about the man than he did about, say, Joonas or Tommi, but that strategy only worked for so long – that is to say, approximately until Aleksi as much as smiled softly at him from across a room or bumped his shoulder into his jovially when walking down the street and Olli would feel his breath getting caught in his throat or stumble in his words, his tongue tangled like shoelaces, which was so unlike him as well and frustrated him to no end. It really took a special kind of fool to not only develop some level of feelings for a friend, a colleague, a bandmate for Christ’s sake, but also become so hopelessly enamored with him that you rolled awake in bed in the dead of night, grabbing your phone and tossing it back on the nightstand again and again because you couldn’t decide whether or not you should, on some erratic 2 o’clock impulse, call him to let him know he was the very reason for your insomnia. 

Turning on his back, Olli groaned (only a little desperately) as he remembered losing himself in the lingering hug they had shared just before the arrivals lobby at the airport, inhaling Aleksi’s scent and wishing they wouldn’t have to go home just yet, even if Olli was more than ready to finally sleep in his own bed again. Ironically, ever since they had returned home from tour, Olli had spent night after sleepless night missing Aleksi terribly: his stupid jokes and playful banter that bordered on being flirtatious if Olli allowed himself the benefit of delusion; his quick, subtle smiles that probably meant nothing; his little touches Olli hoped meant something; his smell and his touch and the softness of his hair at the back of his neck, compared to which the blanket Olli was grasping in his fist was like sandpaper. (How he had come to know of the qualities of Aleksi’s hair in such detail, he preferred not to dwell on too much to save himself from the heartache, so let’s just leave it at ‘stressful, emotional week far away from home’ and ‘a little too much to drink’).

Above all, Olli missed Aleksi’s voice. He hadn’t even thought that was possible, until the other morning when Olli had woken up to a voice message Aleksi had left just hours earlier, rambling about a song idea he had gotten in the middle of the night – something he did from time to time – and Olli had spent the next several minutes replaying it over and over again as he had lied in bed procrastinating getting up and and instead closing his eyes to better imagine Aleksi lying there beside him, turned on his side to face Olli, talking to him sleepily like they often did when they shared a room on tour and were just too lazy to join others at breakfast. Much like the hug at the airport, Olli wished those moments would have lasted way longer than they did, often ending abruptly when either of their phones would go off with Santeri’s name on the screen, a passive-aggressive interruption to the soft, low tone of Aleksi’s early-morning thoughts. (Sometimes, when Olli was lucky enough, he had been blessed with the bliss of feeling the light touch of a fingertip tracing along his collarbone, cut short just as frustratingly by their well-meaning tour manager politely enquiring whether the two of them had plans of dragging themselves downstairs for some toast and coffee, or if they’d rather starve until lunchtime, for which he wasn’t at all sure they’d even have time that day.)

The lovesick idiot that he was, his thumb hovered over the ‘play’ button of Aleksi’s voice message, probably for the millionth time that week. The chest-carving hesitation turned into a heart flip when he noticed Aleksi was online.

Then Aleksi began to type, and Olli held his breath the entire time until a new message appeared in the thread, anticipation holding him by his throat.

You awake?

Olli exhaled and typed his affirmative reply, leaving out the reason why.

He blinked at the screen, waiting for Aleksi to ask him a random question that clearly couldn’t wait until morning, or perhaps talk about something related to another late-night Twitch stream (from what Olli had gathered, Aleksi had been doing a lot of those recently, and with his last remaining braincell Olli had managed to resist the temptation to watch every single one of them, because he knew that if he did, it would only dig his grave of pining and longing deeper, seeing Aleksi smile and giggle about but not being able to do that with him or snuggle up next to him when he was wearing that flannel Olli often used as a blanket in the tour bus). But instead of another text appearing on the screen, Olli’s phone began to vibrate in his hand, and it took him an embarrassingly long while to understand it was because Aleksi was calling him. 

“Hi,” he sighed when he finally collected himself enough to speak. He prayed he’d be able to hear what Aleksi was going to say from the thumping heartbeat echoing in his ears.

“Hi,” a soft voice said. “Sorry, I know it’s late…”

“No, not at all,” Olli hurried to say, “I mean, I wasn’t sleeping. Not even close, actually.” Part of him hoped Aleksi wouldn’t ask about it, but in some foolhardy way the possibility intrigued him. 

Nothing much, he would have likely said anyway, but what would happen if he told Aleksi how it really was? That he squeezed his pillow imagining it was him instead, or wailed into it because something had reminded him of a moment-that-was-probably-not-a-Moment™ they had shared? What would Aleksi say if he knew Olli sometimes touched himself the way Aleksi had touched him That One Night they never talked about? The only obstacle between Olli and that knowledge was a bottomless ocean of cold sweat and cowardice, and Olli had never been a great swimmer.

“So, ummm…,” Olli said when Aleksi’s end stayed silent. “What’s up?”

A short breath of laughter sounded through the phone line.

“Honestly? I don’t know, I… It’s just been a… weird week, I guess.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like… my head’s just been so full of… everything and… I’ve been so busy and kinda tense and… fuck, this is going to sound crazy,” Aleksi laughed that brief laugh again, although to Olli it didn’t sound particularly cheerful. Tired, more like. Strained, somehow. Not sad, but definitely a little troubled, and Olli intended to find out why.

“I’m all for crazy, you know.” Olli hoped his sorry attempt to lighten Aleksi’s mood would work, and so he smiled in relief when he heard Aleksi chuckle at his comment.

“I know,” Aleksi said softly, in that tone of voice that had Olli melt against his bedsheets. “So yeah, it’s been a rough week, but… in between all that stupid shit, I’ve been thinking a lot about… umm… well, the tour and– and… about you, for some reason,” (the troubled laugh made its return) “and… yeah. That’s sort of helped me a lot recently.”

Olli listened to the words carefully, not fully believing what he was hearing, yet clinging on to them until they were all but swirling around in his otherwise empty head like dry leaves in October wind.

“And tonight I just couldn’t fucking sleep for some reason and nothing I did seemed to help and so I thought I’d call you. And I’m–” If it hadn’t been dead silent otherwise, Olli wouldn’t have heard the shaky breath Aleksi paused to take, “I’m sorry I’m calling you at this hour and bothering you with this all but I guess I just… wanted to hear your voice. To see if that would help.”

“Does it?” Olli asked. Aleksi’s confession had made him clasp his blanket close to his chest, as if that would do anything about his rapidly beating heart.

“Yeah. It does. So maybe just… keep talking?”

Despite his mind living a life of its own, completely unfit to form a single coherent thought, for Aleksi’s sake Olli tried his best to think of something to say, but everything he came up with was something he was not ready to tell him quite yet. 

“Uuummmm…” he said to buy himself some time, but while he waited for his useless brain and mouth to form any actual words, Aleksi spoke again.

“Fuck, I’m– I’m sorry, this is too weird, I shouldn’t have– I’ll let you go back to–”

“I miss you,” Olli blurted before Aleksi would hang up on him. He squeezed his eyes shut when Aleksi went silent, too silent for too long for it to mean any good.

The line stayed open, however, which Olli took as a positive sign, even if the seconds during which all Olli could hear was Aleksi's quiet breathing seemed endless.

“And I you,” Aleksi finally replied. “A little too much, probably, or at least that’s what it feels like,” he chuckled. Olli almost missed the quiet sniff that followed.

He had to steel himself for his next question.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… forget it.” Aleksi said quietly. Contrary to Aleksi’s request, Olli knew he was going to all but ‘forget it’ for the next 3-5 business days; mentally he booked all his evenings as well as most of his mornings and noons for pondering what exactly had been in Aleksi’s mind in that moment or why he had sounded so sombre, almost disappointed. He’d probably never come to any satisfactory conclusion about it though, at least not without a little help from Aleksi himself. 

A ridiculous idea popped into his head, and before he could stop himself, the words flooded out of his mouth.

“Do you wanna come over some time? To hang out? When your schedule’s a little less tight, I mean.” He sucked on his lips and closed his eyes as he waited for Aleksi’s answer, ready to hang up the moment he’d decline the offer on some obvious and logical reason for why Aleksi couldn’t possibly make nor want to take a trip to the north to see him, such as ‘didn’t we just spend over two months on the road together?’ or ‘damn, buddy, I miss you alright but not quite that much, I’ve done enough sitting in public transportation for one year, thank you very much lol’ or ‘what about Rilla?’

“You could take Rilla with you, you know.” Olli hurried to say, just in case, the deranged part of his brain thinking there might be a chance Aleksi might be at least considering it.

“Oh! Well, umm… I actually might have time next week? If– if you’re actually being serious about this.”

Funny you should ask, Aleksi; I’ve actually never been more serious about anything in my entire life than I am about having you here with me so that I can hold you and be held by you and see your face when I wake up in the morning and say goodnight to your annoyingly cute face instead of via text message and maybe, if the stars are in position and the northern wind won’t discourage me too much, I might actually be brave enough to torment you with the knowledge of just how miserable I’ve been since we last saw each other.

“I think it would be cool,” he said, because he had a feeling what he wanted to say would’ve been a tad too much and sudden. “I mean, if you’re up for it, of course. I understand if you can’t make it though, I know you have all those side projects.”

“No, I think it might actually do me some good to get out of the capital area for change.” Then there was a muffled ‘ouch’, followed by a laugh that sounded much brighter than any of the other ones Olli had heard from Aleksi that night. “Sorry, correction, it might do us some good. Rilla just told me she’s most definitely coming too. Rilla, stop nibbling on my toes!”

Olli smiled tiredly at the mental image that was painted in his mind of Aleksi and Rilla cuddling in bed, both minding their own business from what it seemed while still minding each other as well, very much indeed.

“I’ll be sure to set up a bed for her in the guest room.”

“The guest room? Do you not know her at all? If she’s not getting the master bedroom, she’ll ruin all your rugs and most of your shoes. Probably also gossip about you to all the neighbourhood dogs. And she’s brutal.”

Olli held his stomach as he laughed, tears almost forming in the corners of his eyes. In his defence, it was late and he was finally becoming tired, thus too far gone to help himself, let alone feel embarrassed about being in stitches about something Aleksi had said that was only mildly amusing. (It wasn’t the first time that had happened either, and likely not the last time.)

“So yeah, ummm, I can take a look at some flight options for next week and let you know, alright? I’m gonna let you sleep now and… I should get some myself too.”

Olli wanted to tell Aleksi he’d love to stay up chatting until dawn, but the yawn he let out when he opened his mouth to speak implied Aleksi had a point.

“Yeah, let me know. And… thanks for calling, I… you have no idea how much I needed this tonight.”

That was as close to a confession as Olli was able to get as of now.

“Probably not half as much as I did.”

Olli chuckled at Aleksi’s response, mostly to hide his own agony.

If only you knew. If only I knew how to tell you.

It didn’t take long for Olli to doze off after they hung up, and when he woke up to the kids from next door having a snowball fight under his window in the morning, he noticed new messages from Aleksi, sent half an hour after their phone call had ended, complete with screen captions of airplane schedules.

Would these days work for you? I might be free all week actually 😇

Olli cuddled into his pillow while typing his reply, hoping it wouldn’t wake up Aleksi.

yeah I’m free as well. I’ll pick you two up from the airport 🖤

From then on, Olli started counting the days until he’d see Aleksi again.

[vaguely-concerned]

I've written 5000 words of lucanis and rye fic the last two days and the only reason the wip isn't even longer yet is probably that my brain turns into useless ash and blows away for the day once it's channeled the lightning bolt of writing energy for a couple of hours and needs to sleep before it can stand up to another onslaught.

[non-un-topo]

This is your permission to take advantage of some ridiculously harsh sunlight for the specific purpose of posting low-quality cringe

[aluminumoxideaddict]

Some previews of art I’ve been working on during the last nine months or so, just to break my unintended hiatus and to show I’m still alive. 

I’m hoping to revamp this blog a bit and update a bunch of my old art during May and June... if life doesn’t get in the way, that is. 

[tsuki-in-faerun]

Photosynthesis

(idk if i'm gonna link to ao3 anymore)

fairly sfw. inspired by 'reader who loves to cook' headcanons written by @avocado-writing. gnc tav, tav is not physically described. astarion/tav, w/mentions of astarion/tav/karlach.

trigger warning for descriptions of food and talk about deprivation.

You and Astarion have settled down under a pocket quilt you pieced together from the most intact bits of cloth you’ve found along your travels. It’s stuffed with cattail fluff, what you glean from Scratch and the owlbear shedding, fur and down from various game. He hunted supper tonight. Cleared a warren of rabbits and donated their carcasses to the stewpot. His belly is actually sloshing a bit as he settles in next to you.

Astarion had physically kept his distance somewhat while he tried to figure out how to fit himself into your partnership with Karlach. She was still untouchable and you occupied your bedroll alone, but the companionship and intimacy you shared was palpable to everyone in camp. Beyond the initial discussion between the three of you, Astarion had not responded much to questions about his feelings nor showed you much affection. He still preferred to feed while you were resting and he still preferred a sardonic tone when addressing you.

But he had started bringing meat from his hunts back to camp. Healthy game worth eating was much more scarce in the Shadowlands and his ability to wander while your living companions were busy taking care of other needs meant that his contributions to your larder became that much more important. Once or twice, you felt his eyes on you as you ate the evening meal. You would smile at him in gratitude and toast him with whatever was in your dish. When Astarion came walking up to the makeshift kitchen table bearing his brace of rabbits, you whistled.

“Ooooh, you do know how to spoil a body,” you said playfully. “I hope the flavor doesn’t get too repetitive. I’ll probably taste of rabbit stew later. Gale, will you please wash these greens while I dress the meat?”

“Yes, saer,” Gale called from his little station. “Just let me finish pulverizing the spices. It’s actually quite good for exorcizing frustrations.”

“Pent up are we?” Astarion teased.

“Exceedingly.” Gale answered without hesitation. “I’m holding a number of things very closely to my chest. Keeping a tight rein on every single vagary of emotion or desire lest I literally explode has not been an easy habit to drop now the orb is contained.”

You squeezed his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. “Best get it all out then. We’ll benefit from a happier Gale and a more flavorful stew.”

His eyes softened as he returned your smile with one of his own.

You had set up the rabbits on a branch nearby and started skinning the first one.

“Astarion,” you asked, “can you actually taste what I’ve eaten when you feed from me?”

He laughed a little. “You do taste different now that we’ve built a stock of better quality provisions, but I don’t believe I’ve noticed much variation from night to night, darling. It’s more like tasting the essence of a person, I believe.”

You finished cleaning the guts out of the first rabbit and looked at him curiously. “Fascinating. In species who nurse their young, the babies will often react when their parents eat strong flavors. There’s a healer’s theory that all bodily fluids are made from the blood, so I wondered if the flavors in food were passed on via that route. You’re probably one of the few creatures I could ask to see if there’s a correlation.”

Gale visibly perked up. “Oh ho ho! This companionship certainly does present us with some exhilarating research opportunities, I must say!”

Astarion scowled. “Must you? It takes some of the fun out of the blood lust when I know I’m under observation. Just listen when it comes up as part of my sparkling conversation.”

“You made a verse, beloved.” You chuckled. He turned to see you making quick work of the game and the scowl fell from his features.

“I did, at that,” he purred. “My, you are handy with that knife.”

Your eyebrows shot up. You became aware of the cooling blood on your hands and wrists. Astarion looked you up and down and flashed you a grin with his fangs out.

Gale heaved a sigh and went back to crushing spices with a renewed vigor.

“I have to get these rabbits ready to roast and then salt the pelts.” You said with a silly smile on your face. “After that I have a free hour.”

Almost more quickly than you could follow, Astarion moved into your personal space as close as he could without actually pressing his body against yours. He picked up one of your bloody hands and kissed your fingers, eyelids drooping as he inhaled deeply.

“Mmm. I shall be by the fire warming up.” He said quietly. “You can ask me any number of questions in private, if you can stay focused on the topic.”

He snaked his tongue into the crease between your fingers and lapped at the blood there. You felt the heat rising in your chest and cheeks, and let your eyes drift closed for a moment, savoring.

“Questions about what?” You asked, voice husky.

“That’s the spirit, darling.”

***

“Are you still hungry for my blood after draining all those rabbits?” You ask Astarion once you’re squirreled away under your quilt together.

“I’m always hungry,” Astarion murmurs against your neck, lips brushing your skin just enough to cause you to shiver.

“Truly?” You say as you pull away from his grasp. “Even away from the Loveless One’s thrall, you haven’t been able to drink your fill?”

He sighs, reaching for your waist to draw you to him again. “I don’t know exactly how it works. You’re wasting your hour.” A wafting scent drifts up to his nose and he pauses. “Darling, why have you got a handful of herbs?”

You blush. Your free hand plays with the collar of his shirt. “I - well. It seems a little absurd now, but I was wondering if there might be a way to share with you how our supper tastes. If you were up for a little experimentation. But perhaps I should concern myself more with making sure you get enough to eat in the first place?”

Astarion wears a look of detached amusement. “We have got Withers at our disposal if you’d like me to drain you dry. However, I’d rather not have the entire camp at my throat for doing so. Especially Karlach. What kind of absurd experimentation did you have in mind?” A wicked grin spreads across his face. “Does it end with you flooding my mouth, gorgeous?”

You bite your lip a little. “You are marvelously skilled at distracting me, beloved. If you’d rather I stop poking at something painful, I can respect that. Can you forgive me my concern? I do care about you.”

He rolls his eyes and sighs loudly this time, flopping onto his back. “I - that’s not something to apologize for. Why do you have to be so… nice? It makes me want to be nice back. I do not appreciate it.” He groans like someone long-suffering. “What do you want to do with your little leaves, hmm?”

His gaze softens when your face lights up. “Are you sure?” You ask. He nods. “Thank you for indulging me, love.”

He shakes his head, seemingly at himself. “I have a feeling this won’t be the last time.”

“Perhaps,” you smile. “However, I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunities for me to reciprocate.”

“Technically, you’ve been indulging me since that first night you let me bite you,” he drawls. “But don’t expect me to bring it up much.”

Your smile drops and you take one of his hands. “Astarion, your well-being is not an indulgence. No matter what yours and my relationship is, you deserve to be fed and happy.”

His face is hard to read. You stroke his hand with your thumb and wait. “I know you believe that, darling.” He says after a spell. “Come on, Subject A is ready to be briefed on your hypothesis.”

You laugh and show him your handful of herbs. “Well! So much of how the living perceive taste is in the aroma of the foods we eat, I was thinking that perhaps we might be able to approximate the experience of eating supper with the group if I scented my skin with the herbs we use for the meal.”

He stares at you. “You want to rub leaves on your neck before I bite it?”

You squint and purse your lips. “Kiiiind of.” You sit up and spread the herbs out on the quilt. “There are different substances which carry scent in different plants so I think we will have the greatest chance of success if we try a few different methods and locations on my body. This rosemary is resinous and could be rubbed directly on my skin to impart its aroma.” You pick up a small section of lemon peel. “The aroma of citrus is carried in its oils, so I could just twist this over my skin to scent it.” Next you point to a parsley leaf. “Now the smell of something like parsley is aqueous, so I’d probably have to crush it and express the juices onto my skin for you to get a good whiff. What do you think?”

Astarion looks mildly impressed. “I think you’ve been very thorough. You want me to bite you three times tonight?”

You shrug. “Well, I’m not relishing the prospect of so many puncture wounds but I can heal them once I get some supper in my belly.”

He tugs you back down to lie next to him. “Then I’m game if you are, sweetheart.”

You blush again, a little flustered. “Sweetheart?”

“Why not? It fits.”

“I thought you preferred more savory offerings.”

“I’m developing a taste for you, whatever my preferences were before.” He leans in for a kiss. The first real affection you have shared together, not simply the promise of sex or food. Just a brief press of his lips, lingering slightly before he pulls away again.

“Oh!” You sigh, bringing your fingers to touch your mouth in an unconscious gesture. You look deeply into his eyes but are unable to discern the emotions there.

“Come on, stay focused, darling,” Astarion teases. “Where am I biting you first?”

You blink and try to clear your head. “Ummmm, the - the results might be more clear if we pick spots that are a bit farther away from each other. Let’s try the rosemary on one side of my neck, then the parsley on the other. How about my wrist for the citrus peel?”

“Sounds eminently reasonable,” he says smoothly. “How unfortunate. I must lavish some more of my seductive skills on you once I’m buried in your flesh.”

You can feel your eyes turn as big as saucers. He laughs, low and throaty. “You know, I thought you were oblivious to my charms when you fell so quickly for Karlach. Perhaps I was just taking the wrong tactic.”

That brings you back to yourself a little. “You asked once me if I wanted to lose myself in you when I wanted to be present with you. It just didn’t feel like we were on the same page.”

“Hm.” He raises one eyebrow, lifts his chin. “And you feel like we’re on common ground now?”

You reach over and tuck a curl behind his ear. Smile softly. “We’re getting somewhere. I’m not foolish enough to believe there’s an easy way into your heart, if that’s even what you want. But I will do my best to honor how far we’ve come, no matter where we end up.”

A beat.

Astarion’s eyes go to your mouth before he kisses you. Talk about presence. He had sat by the fire so his lips would be warm for you. You sigh with happiness and enfold him in your arms, sharing your body heat freely.

“Mmmmmm,” He moans. “I like this flavor.”

When you gasp, he steals your breath with another kiss. And another. His lips part against yours and without thinking, you open to him. He grabs the back of your thigh as leverage to pull you against his body and he hasn’t stopped kissing you. You have to push on him a bit, tap his shoulder so you can come up for air.

You lie panting open-mouthed. Smiling. You let your hands play with his collar again and say, “We have time for my experiment before I have to get back to supper.”

His whole face crinkles up when he laughs, head thrown back. “Wha..? HA! Oh, I suppose I do think such curiosity should be rewarded. Alright, darling. Where do you want to start?”

You have to feel around blind for the herbs on top of your quilt, giggling breathlessly while Astarion indulges his oral fixation all over your throat. When you finally grab the plants, you wave them in front of his face, triumphant.

“Ahahaha!” You crow. “I will not be denied!”

“Neither will I,” He rasps, choosing to spend this remaining time kissing you senseless.

Once again, it’s only when you start to feel a greater desire for air than for Astarion that he chooses to let you go.

“…perhaps…” you say between gulping breaths. “Perhaps if I put the herbs upon my lips?”

You’ve never seen him laugh this hard. A silly high-pitched giggle gives way to hearty belly laughs that have his whole body rocking. A watery red tear escapes the corner of one eye.

You can’t help but laugh, too. You both reach for each other in your mirth, sharing little touches and pressing your foreheads together.

“Oh! Hahahaha! Hooooo! Haahaha. Ohhhhhhhh. Oh, fuck me.” Astarion swears, beginning to wind down. When he can open his eyes again, he finds you looking into them. He appears merry, but then the briefest expression of pure panic twists his features. You reach for him again in concern and he deflects by clearing his throat, unable to meet your gaze.

“I do rely on your patience.” He says after a time, patting your thigh.

“That’s not exactly fair to me, beloved,” you tell him softly. “But I understand. Just… please don’t fake it. If you love me, don’t fake like you don’t. If you do not love me, don’t pretend like you do.”

He’s angry now. “You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”

You do your best not to match his tone, but you are heated when you tell him, “You’re right. I have no idea what it would take for you to get to that place of honesty. But I do know how I’m willing to be treated, Astarion. My love and support has never been contingent on a romantic relationship between us. You sought me out.”

He sputters indignantly as you get to your feet. “You might consider what has been asked of me along this journey, beloved,” You say fiercely as you brush yourself off. “And just how many others are relying on me to follow my best instincts. In fact, I shall leave you to it.”

You walk away and take a second at the edge of the circle of firelight to breathe deeply and regain your equilibrium. Your other companions are keeping themselves busy and take no notice of you as you begin to dig up the pits where the rabbits have been roasting among coals. Wyll and Gale come over to help when they do notice, scraping out the grains and pine nuts that had been stuffed in the carcasses and shredding the meat. Half the meat goes in the stewpot along with most of the bones and half goes in a bowl with greens and a wine-based dressing.

You give Scratch the rest of the roasted bones and the offal that didn’t go in the stew while Gale sets up the cup board. The owlbear cub gets a whole rabbit with the pelt on.

Arabella runs up to you after having spent the day learning about the Weave with Withers. A green glow is just now fading from her eyes as she chatters to you about her lessons and peppers you with questions about druidic magic. You tell her to call in the rest of the camp for the evening meal and she takes off running and shouting with Scratch bounding behind.

Karlach comes to chat with you while your company gathers around the ware board to serve themselves and you feel your heart ease just being near her. She, Lae’zel, and Arabella join you when you sit down to your meal. The owlbear cub curls up around your feet. You bask in the coziness afforded by this moment. You’ve just planted a kiss on top of Arabella’s head when you look up and see Astarion.

He’s frowning. Not at you, more in a general, arch sort of way that reminds you of his demeanor when you first met. You nod and he returns it, but he wanders over to Shadowheart and Halsin by the fire instead of coming to join you.

“What were you and Fangs laughing about earlier? It echoed around the whole camp.” Karlach inquires. “I didn’t know he was into… joy.”

You snort into your cup. Wiping a dribble from the corner of your mouth, you sigh, “Oh, I was just pestering him to let me try a cheeky experiment with some culinary herbs. He found the whole thing ridiculous and that was just more incentive for me to pursue it.”

She laughs, too. “You and Gale, man! You keep putting curiosity over common sense and I love it.”

You gasp in faux indignation. “Pardon me? Are you saying I have been… unwise???”

Karlach cracks up. Lae’zel instantly answers, “Yes,” without even looking up from her plate, which only makes Karlach laugh harder.

Arabella is trying to hide her giggles and you wiggle your fingers at her before you attack her ribs with tickles. “How’s this for unwise?” You shout. “I’m antagonizing a DANGEROUS tiefling spellcaster!” The girl shrieks with laughter and half-heartedly fights you off while Scratch tries to get in between you, whacking both of you with his wagging tail. It’s only when he manages to snatch a mouthful of your roasted grains that you stop and haul him away from where people are eating.

You and Scratch are sat snout-to-snout discussing two-legger table manners when Astarion approaches you. You ruffle the fur around Scratch’s collar and wait. The dog noses your cheek and whines. The man sinks to the ground in a cross-legged seat, a little glum. He opens his mouth, shuts it, and sighs, scratching the back of his head. You don’t push him, but you don’t fill the silence for him, either.

“How…” Astarion looks like he’s losing steam before he even begins. “How was supper?” He finishes dispiritedly.

“Really delicious. Thank you for your contribution.” You tell him. He grunts an acknowledgement.

More waiting.

Even Scratch looks concerned.

“I don’t… want to lose you.” Astarion finally says.

“Which part?” You ask.

He meets your eyes. “Your h-heart. Your laughter. Your warmth.”

A little smile crosses your face before you get serious again. “Are you still hungry?” You ask him. A look you’ve seen a thousand times on thousands of faces in the Lower City tells you the answer is “yes.”

“Does it pain you?” He gives the slightest of nods. You suspect that if it were a lesser pain, he would announce it loudly and as often as he felt he could garner sympathy.

“I wish we were free.” You tell him. You rub the back of your neck and draw your knees up to your chest. Tears prickle your eyelids. “All of us.”

Astarion lets out an explosive breath and hangs his head for a moment. “Sweetheart… it hurts too much to hope.”

You nod in understanding, taking his hand and kissing it. There is fear in his eyes but he lets you see it. He sits with it, and with you, squeezing your hand.

Scratch’s tail thumps the ground as he wags.

“I care about you, too.” Astarion says.

“Beloved…” you murmur. “Can I kiss you?”

“Can you?” He asks, amusement lending him some bravado. “Yes, I suppose you can.” He pulls you to him. When your lips touch and he is already warm as life, you recall him choosing a seat by the fire at the meal. Then you let go of all thought as Astarion devotes himself to kissing you thoroughly. He kisses you so thoroughly that you actually feel deprived when he gives you a break to breathe.

You’re reaching for him again when he holds up his hands. “Darling! I came prepared.”

He reaches into his belt pouch to pull out a sprig of rosemary, leaning in close as he brushes it against your parted lips.

Your smile genuinely dazzles him. Astarion has the look of a deer surprised by torchlight at night. You pluck the rosemary from his fingers and trace it down the curve of his cheek.

“Plant lore tells us that rosemary can aid one in committing events to memory.” You say softly. The longing in his stare leaves you just as breathless as his kisses.

Astarion turns his head and inhales deeply of the herb before wrapping his arms around you and holding you tightly. You gently press your lips to his face, run your fingers through his hair, as he releases a shuddering breath. He moans when he finds your mouth, then his weight is bearing you down into the dirt. The rosemary falls from your grasp and gets crushed beneath your body. The scent of it is thick in the air.

“Now.” You whisper at the earliest opportunity in which your mouth is free. “Drink. Please…”

He’s practically vibrating with need. The impact of his bite shocks you, almost knocks the wind out of you. But you’re so happy in this moment that all you can perceive is how expansive it feels to have your love flow into him. To have it nourish him.

Astarion’s grip becomes more tender and the pull from his mouth less intense. You feel your ability to focus begin to fray right before he lets you go.

He’s nuzzling your face with his own, stroking your body everywhere he can reach. You share a tired, giddy laugh.

“See?” You slur your words a little from exhaustion. “You feed me, I feed you. And then there’s more to go around for everybody!”

“Hush,” he whispers, drawing you into slow and sultry kiss.

“But yes. I’m starting to see.”

[keeps-ache]

thinking of fairies that look like ferret + mourning doves. uh huh yep :>

[muncaster]

do i tell my grandma that back in the day i wrote jonnor fanfiction on fanfiction dot net