#let’s connect irl
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#attachement#connections#safety#be your own safety net#life quotes#relationship quotes#avoidant attachment#mr robot#where is the love#what is love#let’s connect irl
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I know The Founders Cut, generally, is the edited scrubbed over version of genloss from Showfall in-universe (as well as a not-8-hour-long-three-stream-binge-night whenever we want to watch it again) but something that struck me as odd and I haven’t seen anyone mention yet, is this warning
It shows up right at the junction where the third act starts, where it appears the Hero is breaking free of Showfall thanks to Hetch. But here’s the thing, while a LOT less than the previous acts the audience still played a significant role in this act, even when really only given two audience interaction choices. Which makes me wonder, how real is this warning, and who is it for? Obviously the audience involved knows what happens past this point, but the audience is also implied to be an integral part of the Social Experiments, which is part of why things start to tweak out when the Founder removes them in the Founder Cut as the Generation Loss generation loses.
My first thought, was that obviously this is another bait and switch, a way to draw the audiences attention, seeing something that’s secret, something that’s not “meant for them”, which is a tactic I could see Showfall using in universe to keep people’s attention and add an air of mystery to their shows.
But
Showfall is doing all their experiments and these shows with a LOT of help from their censors to show it off, displaying a fun silly show that is definitely not uber fucked up and that is 100% just slime don’t worry about it, it’s kid friendly if it’s green! And I don’t think they’d want to bet all their cards on this one experiment doing well enough to their audience to not question the sudden shift in tone that follows this warning. Which makes me wonder.
They did their test, they did their experiment, and the evidence of this last act? I think it was a one time run, they don’t want anyone seeing this, it isn’t for the audience. Act three is specifically to both test and play with their Hero, Hetch’s new lines add a level to this, never once does he call the Hero by their name, just refers to Ranboo as their Role, and he’s not exactly. Nice? About literally any of Ranboos concerns, which wouldn’t really seem conductive to making an audience trust him, especially with his monologue at the end. Ranboo has escaped before, possibly right before act 1 started, they tightened the security on his mask to be unremovably part of them, Hetch doesn’t like the Hero but they’re a fan favorite so he can’t just get rid of them.
Act three is the cumulation of Ranboo being punished for things they don’t remember, for daring to break free from Showfalls control, this is Hetch taking the Hero and essentially majorly fucking and manipulating them to take his frustration out on a fan favorite they can’t otherwise get rid of or give a smaller role like Slimecicle. which is exemplified by the fact that we now know Charlie most likely was never able to actually able to fully snap out of the control, that even in act three in panic and confusion there was at least still a part of him being influenced by Showfall.
So the first two acts are the usual show, they have their posters, they have Squiggles to introduce them, they have goofs and silliness and only a couple slip ups that’re quickly dealt with, the usual rose tinted curtains. Act three?
Do not watch the following material
#or Showfalls just bein silly goofy and pretending they’re letting us in on a secret that isn’t one and playing off the reveal of#what they’re up to as just another plot of a show and hey that isn’t real don’t worry it#but I also think Hetch is really truly throwing Ranboo around like a ragdoll for more than just audience entertainment during act three#I think it could tie in to Chronicle Zero though. if Zeros dreams are connected to what happened to Ranboo then she knows something#Showfall would have a vested interest in her. not in fact. knowing that#and maybe trying to make her not know about any it anymore in a very Showfall kinda way#I’m less versed in what’s going on with Chronicle Zero tbh but I’m tryin. I fuckin love Gen loss#robot rambles#generation loss#genloss#Ranboo#I’m doin the thing where I ramble but it’s my blog I do what I want here#and I’m having hard life stuff happen irl rn so I’m clinging to genloss because it brings me joy and the timing of the FC was super helpful#also if anyone was curious I think Hetch is a bitch but I do acknowledge the possibility of him also being controlled#and I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him#but that’s stuff for not-in-this-post lmao#I had a theory tag at some point but imma be so fr I Do Not Remember what it was
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gn!reader x top!gaz
Soft, loving sex with Gaz - not after a difficult mission, not because someone said something that pissed either of you off; simply because you both wanted to.
It's not tearful or desperate or longing. It's calming and comforting, your bodies as physically close as possible. Warm skin on warm skin.
You're kissing him but it's delicate, tender; each touch of your lips together is passionate yet not messy, eyes flickered closed peacefully.
He's above you, and still you wouldn't feel overpowered even for a second. You're holding him up just as much as he's supporting his own weight, laying on top of you but not in a way to pin you down.
Your hands run along his body, memorising each new crevice and scar under your fingertips, your prints reciting the ones you already know. He caresses your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks, gentle and adoring.
Light conversation in whispers, telling each other you love them, quiet groans and hitched breath from both you and him as he fucks you slowly.
You curl up together afterwards, putting on a DVD and falling asleep to it, cuddled in a fluffy blanket, legs entwined and heads resting on each other's.
#my asexuality has three personalities#first is a kinky little fucker that i release in most of my fics#second is this fella here who want soft loving shit bc so does irl me#third is the one that connects with trauma and wants to get halfway through sex then stop and just get comfort instead#might let the third one roam around my fic writing at some point idk#(i will force it to appear in the form of simon riley)#kyle gaz garrick#cw smut#gaz x reader#gaz x gn!reader#x gn!reader#x bottom reader#bottom reader
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Hi! Long time no yap but I've been really bothered by this thing and I know you're just the person I can go to with this (even if we don't always end up agreeing at times).
I got into a tiff with someone in a comments section of a post that was about Amy (Which character do you think deserved to become a villain? or something similar). They brought up Amy's abuse of her boyfriend. I may have tried to defend Amy (key word is tried. I am officially rubbish at debating) but then I may have said something? Because they said that I (and apparently a lot of other fans) was excusing Amy's abuse because of her trauma. It got me stumped because isn't young Amy's treatment of Rory rooted in her trauma? Did I miss the memo where we separate trauma and abuse? Am I missing something?
That statement bothered me a lot because if there's one thing I never want to do it's defend an abuser. So here I am, humbly asking and hoping to clear the muddy waters.
Your really confused and disturbed moot, Tia 💌
TIA!!!!! Thanks for the ask 💌 , and I send you all the hugs.
Discussion of abuse, trauma, ableism, infidelity, and unhealthy relationship dynamics beneath the cut.
(First off… while I really appreciate your faith in my explaining skills <3 <3 <3 my passion for traumatized characters and mentally ill+neurodivergent rights doesn't make me especially qualified to fully clear muddy waters especially not knowing the full context, but I feel you, and what follows is my informed perspective!)
Speaking generally first, harm done in media is best examined by the impact on the audience, with a different lens than harm done to real people. While relatable experiences in media can be useful and validating and incredibly important, you can’t be “defending an abuser” when the abuse is fictional. It's actually normal for traumatized/ND/mentally ill people to project onto mentally ill villains, when villains are the only significant representation for those stigmatized symptoms in a media landscape that excludes and demonizes us simply for existing. RTD can't stop people who hallucinate from reclaiming the Master's Drums and projecting onto the Master, for example — 90% of the best Doctor Who psychosis fic by psychotic authors is about the Master, whether RTD likes it or not. It's not true crime.
(This is speaking generally. Amy Pond is very much not the Master.)
Abuse is a behavior, and there can be many reasons for it, but reasons based in trauma don’t make it not abuse (some forms of generational trauma can propagate abusive parenting styles, when the parent thinks abusive parenting is normal, or lives entirely vicariously through their child). This absolutely should not be taken to mean trauma correlates with abusive behavior; rather that abusive behaviors from traumatized people are more likely to present in specific ways.
Abuse is also a targeted behavior, based in control — not consistently displayed C-PTSD symptoms as seen in Season 5 Amy Pond through many aspects of her life. Mental health symptoms don't become abuse just because they hinder one partner from meeting the other partner's needs. Any life event can do that.
Without knowing the context of the arguments, this is the aspect of their relationship I've seen you talk about before (which I also feel strongly about), and what I assume is what you were debating? So, here I will talk specifically in regard to Season 5.
We all know Amy — she's never attached to Leadworth because she never wanted to leave Scotland, no steady therapist because none of them stick up for her, can't stick with one job yet her first choice is a job that simulates intimacy because her avoidant behavior (a known trauma response) isn't sustainable to her wellbeing. Rory knows her fears of commitment stem from her repeated abandonments, it’s why he’ll always wait for her, and it's why he blames the Doctor “You make it so they don't want to let you down.”, who apart from having caused a lot of her trauma, has actively taken advantage of her being the “Scottish girl in the English village” who's “still got that accent,” because he wants to feel important, so yeah, I think interpreting Amy's issues (and how Amy and Rory transverse them) as Amy abusing Rory indicates a fundamental misunderstanding of their relationship, as well as a misunderstanding of the (raggedy) Doctor’s role in Amy’s formative self-image (which of course she works through in Season 6, but I am sticking to Season 5).
Abuse is always based in control. That just doesn’t fit here. While Amy's detachment from her real life includes things like calling Rory her “kind of boyfriend” (which she is upfront about to his face; differing commitment levels isn't abuse, though it can be a relationship red flag for both parties IRL) — her Season 5 disregard of Rory’s feelings occurs only in response to the fairytale embodiment of her trauma. It's never a response to Rory; it's a response to the Doctor, who stole her childhood and led her by the hand to her death. She cheats on Rory with the Doctor in her bedroom full of Doctor toys, drawings, models, she made from childhood to early adulthood.
(And yes, like many repeatedly-traumatized people, Amy is prone to being sensitive and reactive. Take her “Well, shut up then!” line in The Big Bang; but given Rory responds to this by hugging her, clearly he doesn’t take it as her actually dismissing him. He knows her better than that.)
And by no means do I meant to imply this is fair to young Rory, poor Rory, who's left struggling with the feeling that his role in her life is in competition with the role of her trauma (aka the Doctor). But not every unhealthy relationship dynamic is unhealthy because of abuse. Labelling Amy's treatment of Rory in Season 5 more accurately isn't the same as excusing her harmful choices — but making mistakes is part of being human, Amy's mistakes are certainly understandable, and she works through them out of love for Rory.
If there's one thing to say about Moffat women, it's that Moffat allows his female characters the same grace that the male characters *coughTENcough* have always had, to hurt and struggle and make realistic mistakes and overcome those mistakes and to heal without being demonized.
Amy isn't perfect, but she is a fully realized character, and her story gives us a resonant depiction of childhood trauma.
#abuse#rtd critical#anti rtd#im NOT really anti rtd but im tagging it that because some people block that tag and uhhhh this post strays into rtd critique#maybe he does regret how he wrote the master! we'll never know because rtd is very anti-admitting-his-own-mistakes#words by seaweed#anyways tia i am. SO relieved you’re not upset with me about our last disagreement?#i high key jumped to conclusions after the lack of reply to the last DM? so thank you for this ask it's great to hear from you#sorry you were in a debate about this! that sounds extremely awful.#anyway i'm gonna WAIT at least a week to tag Amy and Rory to avoid this showing up in the character tags right away haha#because I am KINDA scared the anti-media-literacy ppl will find this (I had to include the first part tho its important)#(lack of distinction between harm to audience *in fiction* and irl harm *to actual ppl* leads to problematic public apologies where-#-public figures apologize to fans they let down *instead* of the people they actually hurt. no it doesn't work like that)#(parasocial relationships are not more important than real victims agency or privacy)#and I am planning to make a post at some point about the nd aspects of Amy+the Doctor's connection which this stuff IS relevant to soooooo#am I going hard on specifying Season 5 Amy to under the assumption that the uncharacteristic Rory-slapping isnt whats bein talked abt?#maybe. its not in character.#editing to say..... yanno what? ive come to terms with not all the posts with the following tag been about the doctor#(eleventh) doctor is neurodivergent tag#editing again to add character tags:#Amy pond#Rory williams
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for the AMA: what compels you most in a fictional character!
rage as a trauma response.
it compels me when a character spits in the face of god. when the response isn't "why did you let all this happen" but "how dare you let this happen." something about the assertion of agency in the wake of un-meaning. something about "there was never a Purpose, the point is what you make of it." this is undoubtedly because i was raised evangelical and continue to struggle with what i believe vs what i want to be true. pero also i think i was denied anger for so long (and even now my reflex when i'm hurt is to divert/repress/hide/sublimate anger) that it's cathartic for SOMEONE to get to be mad at the powers that be.
misogyny means it's usually (white) male characters who get these narrative arcs. this is evident in my blorbos: astarion from bg3, the corinthian from sandman, will graham from hannibal. (my immediate first thought was actually emilio sandoz from the sparrow, very literal autistic brain serving me well here lmao, what does it mean to be god's whore.) but my favorite female and genderqueer characters have this, too. saga anderson from alan wake 2 (LITERALLY tells both the in-game narrative force and the meta "fuck off, i'm done with other people writing my story"). essun from the broken earth trilogy (everyone who says they can't connect to her...i need you to examine yourself for misogynoir). vic from nos4a2. eurydice from hadestown. erica slaughter from something is killing the children. jade from my heart is a chainsaw.
(horror is obviously a huge medium for this...the final girl is a figure of righteous anger, the avenging angel, the woman who mows down the ultimate horror with a baseball bat or a butcher knife and she's right, she's in the right, she's the monster slayer, fuck you fear me.)
#ask games#AMA#crimeronan#this was SUCH a good ask thank you#also i'm not gonna write a whole essay here in the tags but i think part of why i adore horror#and why i have a hard time connecting to ''literary fiction'' women IS that allowance for rage#what a genre considers acceptable female rage sometimes feels So Hollow compared to what i might let myself feel irl#i like my trauma-rage bloody and awful#SOMEONE needs to pay in flesh#weirdly stephen king is really good at this when he lets himself do it? beverly from IT and arguably It from IT are peak#Women Should Do Crimes Actually#unfortunately most of the time Stephen King sucks at letting women be people#SO INSTEAD i recommend Stephen Graham Jones who just consistently does this#i ALSO don't think it's a coincidence that my favorite queer and women creators who write these arcs are also not white#nonwhite queer and female rage is Threatening To The Status Quo
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just posted my first fic on ao3 and i am literally shaking with anxiety. not only is it in a fandom space (HockeyRPF) that is filled with SO MANY talented writers, but it’s also a ship (mattdrai) that so so so many beautiful fics.
i may also have a lot of irrational fears surrounding my digital footprint but the mattdrai brain worms seem to have overpowered them.
#shocking non-basketball related post from rxckables#hrpf#mattdrai#guys also pls validate me#anyone who’s posted on ao3 before please please let me know how you do it#because why I am just waiting for someone I know irl to find the fic somehow connect it to me and then call me a weirdo freak
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i miss being close with a person
#having a partner being able to talk to them about anything and everything#especially because theyre my age#being stupid and gay together watching shows talking about all the places we want to go oversharing about our irl lives#on the more mentally ill side having someone to be obsessed with and learn everything about and. all the other fun things#but for now let's focus on the genuine human connection part and being someone's first choice etc etc you understand#pigeon coos#now i sleep so i can wake up so i can go to school so i can be crushingly alone again
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Ok, ok, just some context: Rendezvous said recently that Maestro reminds her of Hyodo (leopard) from 3 season of Aggretsuko. Maestro sounds and looks rather intimidating (in a bad sense), but when you get to know her better you realize that she is rational and trustworthy. And I thought.. it's a very decent parallel XD
So me and Gentry made another collab of Maestro being manager for the idol group and so Fantozzi, Burgundy and Guru as singers. Decided to keep the original uniform, but maybe will change it for a bunch of reasons.
#sketch#anthro#aggretsuko#fursona#wolf#wolverine#lynx#reindeer#deer#caribou#bobcat#sing#Actually I don't know much about idol culture but I am aware that many things about this are problematic#so as much as I like Hyodo and Maestro parallels I have doubts about this picture since there fursonas of irl people as Agretsuko chars#but is it still ok to picture fursonas as idols if the fursona itself have no connection with this culture I don't know#I am always afraid od such fuck ups so if this picture is offensive let me know#I'll delete it
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I had discovered an art gallery/coffee shop area downtown and chatted with a couple of the artists there and then got invited to join the public event tomorrow where all the artists in the gallery are there and apparently there's wine? i hope there's other (nonalcoholic) drinks but I downloaded some of my shit on my phone to sheepishly show them in case they asked bc I was severely unprepared today and all I had to show at the time was a simple watercolor bust that was fine but not a great example of my composition and that made me embarassed
#the internet connection was bad bc its literally a basement level place#but it was a really fun chat i dont get to talk about art irl with people#let alone people who are older than me and thus have a lot more experience in the field#it felt strange to relate so much to someone so much older than me beyond hey i also like nerd shit#now these guys are more traditional artists and i was worried they would be a little judgmental on me being into digital#but they were so chill about it and talked about how the rules seem to change when it comes to a screen
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atp it’s kind of silly to make fun of online romantic relationships when so much of today’s social interaction is online in the first place
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joan to aprilia 🙏
#bezz fans move aside he can go to honda and be reunited with luca or smth idc#let me have thisssssss#what are ‘connections’ and ‘requisite rumours’ it happened in my brain it can happen irl#will it be mav at gasgas or factory btw….like I assume factory but idk#the way I’ve forgotten who is in which ktm there’s like 6 of them 😭
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Always will fill me with rage when white Ppl make hcs or fics about their white faves saving Duke cass or Damian from racism (or cass saving herself with a punch and no genuine emotion about it bc she’s a Girlboss 😝 😆) and then they demonize Damian 24/7 only say ‘Duke is on day shift’ in their fics or literally have cass as some walking talking fighting doll that teases her brothers sometimes. Like it’s genuinely y’all don’t think it’s racism unless it’s a slur. Can’t tell me what internal or implicit bias or even what a microagression is and u wanna talk on racism.
#shame on the black folk eating it the fuck up too#actually this is why kills me about white ppl in fandom#like we know black Ppl cant escape internal racism so what makes YALL think ur cracker asses dodged the racism beam#and that none of ur thoughts or opinions on these characters are impacted by race at all simply bc u don’t say ‘bc they’re X race’ at the#end of every sentence?#like i could draw a connection between this inability to think critically about how ur own racial bias fucks everyone around u over#and how the only flaws y’all project onto ur faves is communicating badly or being too nice without a care for how the shit they do#might impact anything#i Might later actually#i promise it makes sense mutuals let me cook 🙏🏾#there is a line between the only flaws for Tim jason and dick being ‘bad at feelings :(‘ to them and their own inability to face#accountability or acknowledge the heinous shit they’ve done irl#the they in the last part of the sentence being yt folk yall get it
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working on a script for a youtube video (the first in years and years) and being reminded "oh yeah, I'll actually have to say this stuff out loud... like with my physical voice and vocal cords and accent..."
it's always a toss up. do I let my irl accent do its thing? do I try for something a little more "mainstream?" (that'd be mainstream american, in my case.) do I really have a choice?? (being nervous always nudges me more mainstream. it's hard to control.) idk. I'm just musing about it
#I love the way I talk. it feels natural and connected and expressive for me#but there's always that little voice saying that people will only hear the accent if I let it out. not the content of what I'm saying#which is fine if I'm trying to be funny irl and laugh with my friends. but less fine when I'm trying to like...#have ideas. and say important things. idk
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You're more amazing than wheat
You're more amazing than job applications
#asks#unfortunately the coveted job of “professional kittycat” is out of my reach :(#in an alternate timeline i got popular by writing cute cuddly kink stories and got rich off of patreon#alas. the kitty must work#but my mom bought donuts and is letting me have 1 for each job i apply to as motivation#it's working#definitely needed the motivation because i graduated in june and have spent 2 full months just chilling#not exactly eager to work#but my life will be better when i can buy a fursuit and magic cards and art commissions and skirts and donuts and a chastity cage and#okay but that list was actually kinda hard to make because i kinda already have everything i want#i have a computer an internet connection and a fuckload of games and that's like 90% of what i want#i would like to live in my own little house but that's a long ways away#i mainly just want to keep my free time but i can't mooch off of my parents forever#i need to either take the reins on my life or find someone who wants to adopt a nerdy kitty cat#and as fun as it sounds in fantasy the second option is far too risky irl without a fallback plan#risky both in terms of 'what if they're mean?' and 'what if i don't actually like it?'#so taking the reins it is#if i get lucky then i can make a lot of money and retire early and then just chill forever
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help i have trouble falling asleep
but i want it to be tomorrow and i want to be at school
and the only way to do that is to go to sleep and sleep the time away
do you see the problem here
#Riv’s stuff#struggle#insomnies#autistic insomnia#i need the people at school#like right now#or im gonna start crying#like let me talk to [name]#please#i need it#for emotional reasons#How do you form emotional connections with people#except by hanging out and the only way to do that now is to be invited#but you dont get jnvited if youre not close enough to them#do you see the problem#also theres no like general public places to hang out with a bunch of people like there used to be#bc adults hate loitering teens#and they wonder why we’re all depressed#bc we have no way to make friends#and friends are so so important at my age#you need support circles at any age#i love school bc i see people there#and bc im not at home#like i love my house but my family is something to be seen occasionally#not 66% of the time on weekdays and the entire days on weekends#i need my friends#i need frieeeends#like irl as well as yall#i love yall but i need people in my actual life too
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mom wants me to get tested for dyslexia or some other writing difficulty disorder
#i usually dont have issues with writing irl i think im doing it correctly#but then i try to read what i wrote and like half of the words have switched letters#and some are missing full nouns . like i automatically start with writing the second one#and i connect letters because i see them as the next step of what im supposed to write#so lets say i have to write uh. 'oddaj' . i will almost always write 'ddaj' because o blends into the front part of d#so they connect . but what i wrote instead of 'od' is just 'd' .#dont get me started on words that have combos like 'og' or 'jy' i will create a monster a letter youve never seen before
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