#let this be a lesson to us all that you truly dont know whats happening in someones life

[ceruleanharley]

yeah we've been fucking around with memes and shit but kate middleton has cancer and now i feel like shit holy fuck

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

I love Sabo as a character so much! However something about his introduction into the story has bothered me for a while. Oda is a master story teller but it truly feels a bit like Sabo whole existence was dropped into our laps out of nowhere. What's your opinion on his introduction? And if you could, what would you change?

Thank you so much for all your amazing art! Always sparks joy.

Hello hello! I also love Sabo a lot and as such theres a lot that I’ve had to come to terms with and work out with myself. I’ll let you in on my brain worms and what they’ve concluded with this subject though so hopefully some kind of weight is lifted off your shoulders, cuz right now, i think his introduction was done really well.

So first off, All Of Luffy’s family members’s whole existences were dropped into our laps out of nowhere, to be fair.

Luffy is not one to talk about his family or his past at all. So i dont blame him for not telling us directly about sabo when he barely told us about ace as he stood in front of us in Alabasta. But even if he doesnt talk about his family, for me, it’s very easy to see what Sabo’s influence on and especially what the loss of him taught Luffy before we even officially see him. We see it especially in water 7/enis lobby/sabaody arcs. During the course of the story up to that point, we don’t really see the world government, but even so, we see Luffy’s complete understanding of the cruelty and heartache it creates. We see his utter determination to not let a single other person he loves be taken away by the world government, too.

Also in Arlong Park! We see him understand what someone’s sacrifice on his behalf looks like. He knows how it ended last time. He’s not going to let it happen again and seeing it happen again in arlong park and water 7 and sabaody and Marineford absolutely kills him. Omg not even to mention Shanks losing his arm, too. This man is completely surrounded by people sacrificing themselves for him wtf. But like Shanks’ situation didnt give him that patented World Government Hatred, babeyyyyyy

And with how he was reintroduced officially in dressrosa, i think it was very artistically done. Like having all those themes and parallels to Luffy’s childhood, even going so far as him pointing them out, himself. That, and the Mera Mera No Mi coming back into the story, it gets you thinking back on Luffy’s backstory and what his brotherhood meant to him. So like Sabo’s already in the back of your mind from that and then youre also thinking “well who the hell is gonna get this fruit once Luffy wins it??” So when Sabo comes back i just feel like “of course. Of course it could be no one else but you.”

Also E S P E C I A L L Y with introducing Sabo, famous Amnesia Patient, back into the story during an arc that explores the absolute horrors of being forgotten and being the one forgetting???? Like truly the most opportune moment to get him back in there. I really love the Dressrosa arc, i think it’s all done very well.

I feel like if it was just Ace and Luffy, it would feel incomplete. Like Sabo’s part in their backstories just adds such a delicious spice to the age old dynamic of “older brother who dies for younger brother who he loves a lot.”

Like tell me Ace’s Death would hit the same if Ace didnt already know what it felt like to lose a brother.

His passing is already beyond tragic but like Sabo’s whole part in it just makes it so much more tragic in a way thats just 😚🤌 mwah~❤️ 𝕷𝖎𝖋𝖊 𝕽𝖚𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌.

Sabo’s presence also adds a very personal level to Luffy’s understanding of the world he lived in. Like the big picture. I really think that if sabo wasnt occupying that space, Luffy wouldnt try to even know about the WG or class warfare or bother with any of that shit. Sabo is Luffy’s draw to the world around him me thinks. Like of course he would have to face that stuff when he went pirating, but those lessons would not have been taught to him before he got out there without Sabo.

This is the same in present day, like why would Luffy care at all about the Rev Army if Sabo wasnt in it? He’d be very thankful that they took Robin in, but like he wouldnt be actively asking about how the Rev Army was doing if his big bro wasnt a big part of it.

Also on that note of Sabo being in the Rev Army, I think that before Ace’s death and Sabo regaining his memory, Sabo wouldve been sneaky and largely unseen. Like yeah he barges into marine fortresses to take them down, but usually there isnt any survivors to tell the tales of him doing so. So before the timeskip, Sabo is out of the public eye. Out of any eye, really. But in my mind, when he regains his memory, i think he would do his level best to get his name out there. Thats why we see all those people in the colosseum/dressrosa be like “:O!!!! ITS THE CHIEF OF STAFF OF THE REV ARMY NOOOO” its cuz all his inhibitions left him. So like his face would be in news papers but luffy doesnt read news papers to find that Sabo’s alive and doing shit.

I think that Sabo took so long to let luffy know he was alive because he was scared luffy would hate him. I think he was scared of the potential scorn from his little brother he feels he wouldve been justified in getting. I think that if luffy was not put in a position where he wouldnt be able to fight in the colosseum anymore due to Law Getting Shot And Taken Off circumstances, Sabo wouldve let Luff keep going all the way to the end. But in that moment, Sabo knew that the fruit was no longer in his little brother’s capable hands and had to take matters into his own. Like we see him thinking about this in the episode of Sabo. We see him slowly following luffy around, listening, waiting, understanding the complexities of his situation, and ultimately making the decision to swap places with him.

I could literally talk about this forever i love talking about this forever and ever theres so much to discuss.

I’ve heard criticisms that Sabo’s amnesia story feels like fanfiction, but like,,, I just cant stop thinking about the hilarity of it all. Like why do you care that all this is all convenient, when it’s kinda funny. Like image you’re explaining your tragic backstory to someone and like you have to be like “now i know this sounds really. Really. Convenient. And ironic. But it’s My Life and I’ve had to Live Through It so please dont laugh.” Like idk!! ITS KINDA FUNNY!!!!!!!!!

I dont think i would be able to change anything about Sabo’s presence in the story without someone being out of character if im being honest. Like Luffy doesnt bring up his past, Ace doesnt like bringing up things that cause him pain, and we dont meet anyone else who knew he even existed until we see Luff’s backstory.

There’s a panel in the logue town arc though, that kinda looks like Sabo standing in the crowd. I think that maybe in the reanimated show or even the life action, if we could get a closer visual on him, just to see that he exists there, i think that would be neat.

Thanks for the question and kind words! Hope you enjoyed the long rant, i could rant for 2000000 more paragraphs but I’ll cut it there for now.

[skyenish]

| Vil Schoenheit analysis and animatic: my interpretation on Vil’s character and overblot 👑 |

———

(I haven’t read the newest book 7 chapters yet since I play on EN)

I’ve always interpreted Vil’s story as one of validation. He may be confident, he knows his worth, and yet he can’t give himself the validation he wants/needs. Hes got tenacity and believes in working hard to be his perfect self, which is admirable, but one must wonder how much of that ‘perfect self’ is influenced by others. What really is ‘the fairest of them all’? He works so hard to achieve what he thinks it is, and even after all that hard work he’s still second best to Neige.

Vil isn’t dumb, he knows his worth, he knows that Neige works hard too, and yet it stings. Do others dont appreciate how much effort you put in? He chases validation and because of that can’t truly love himself, which is exactly what Rook meant with what he said to Vil after book 5’s ending, something how about when Vil is old and wrinkly, as long as he truly believes he’s the fairest of them all, he is.

When Vil tried to cheat, tried to poison Neige, his whole world collapsed. His overblot was a very internal issue, unlike the other Overblotters, because he wasn’t being tenacious, he took a shortcut, which he famously doesn’t like. He’s the monster he thinks others think he is, partly because of his typecasting and the bullying he endured when he was younger. He let other people affect him so much, it’s a huge part of his overblot.

This is just my interpertation of course, but I barely see anyone talk about Vil’s character and OB besides his surface level jealousy towards Neige, and I think we should talk more about him. He is already trying, working so hard, but it’ll never be enough for him for as long as he isn’t happy with it himself. His perfection is toxic. Its admirable how hard he works, and he’s an incredibly smart, talented and even confident person, but his desire for perfection, for validation, would’ve destroyed him. There’s a reason he overblotted, and its not just because ‘waaah waaah I always get typecasted as the villain and mu rival is gonna win a competition 🥺🥺’, its so, SO much more!

I want more discussions about Vil because he has so much more depth than people give him credit for. He teaches us the important lesson of loving yourself, though he’s not very good at it himself yet! I’m sorry if this analysis is all over the place, I just wanted to ramble, and I just so happened to have made a sort of corresponding animatic!

Uhh that was my ted talk about Vil. Falls of stage and breaks my neck

[worldofkaeos]

one random deep thought lead to another, and im just thinking of what each character in lockwood and co taught us:

Lockwood: grief is an ongoing process; it never ends, but it can get better if you dare to face it, to open up, and to ask for help. even if on the surface, a person looks sprightly and confident, that person may be broken inside. and it kinda makes me think about the people around me, that they may be hurting inside even if they seem like they don't, and we should be kind to everyone around us, because we dont know what theyre going through.

Lucy: feisty is normal for a teenage girl. if you want to do something, just get down to it. dont wait for others to reach out to you; you should take charge of your own life. if you feel something about a situation, never let anyone get you down.

George: never judge a book by its cover. listen to the logical side, even when the world seems like a raging storm (and your emotions are threatening to overwhelm you)

Flo: trauma is hard. but never give up. (shes so badass 🤌)

Holly: sometimes you have to put up with bitches (lucy), just know that they probably have a lot of things going through their heads, and they just arent matured yet. they will know later, and they'll regret their actions. also misunderstandings happen all the time and ughhh it sucks

Skull: no one is truly evil. good can come from the most unexpected places. (also, be funny. it makes life more livable)

Quill Kipps: I cant believe I didnt add him in: LOOK AT HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. He's certainly gone through a lot — losing ppl in his life, losing himself. At some point in time I hc that he abused alcohol. He's a depressed boy who's lost so much and has no one around him left. Then he's faith is renewed again when he joined lw and co, you can see this through his excitement over the pair of goggles and also people who care about him again — it's almost like he's been granted a new chance at life. So, lesson? No matter your situation, it is okay to experience ups and downs. Sometimes your downs are so low, but don't ever lose faith. It's okay to lose yourself, it's okay to grief, but know that there's always some hope left if you look out for opportunities instead of lying in the shadows.

[f4y3w00d5]

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? 75. Favourite animal? 99. Have any pets? [I know you have pets I want pictures] 101. Do you type fast? 119. Favourite book? 133. Favourite lyrics right now? 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? 148. What’s your favourite quote? 149. Do you believe in ghosts?

6. Eh, i dunno. Main types are the ones who are like, pretty dom. like firm n shit, but also sweet. Ones who can take care of me. Also the cute ones i can take care of and treasure who react oh so cutely to the things I do. Nice people, most of all. Those who make me feel loved.

12. Breathe In, Breathe Out (Set It Off, particularly love the bridge and the way they go 'Stop, and think abt it-'), Yandere (Jazmin Bean, its a bit odd but pretty), Alley Rose (Conan Gray, love the bridge), Pretty Little Addict (Haiden Henderson, i relate heavily), Violence And Spiders (SAINT PHNX, i dunno its just vibey. the vibes. listen to it.)

13. Mhm mhm i love ittt!!! Let me lay in your lap n nuzzle your hands as you play with my hair,,,

38. wowwwwwww you really wanna know my dream person dontcha??? But idk. Pretty, ig. but in a way i think is pretty, idc what they think is pretty. Someone I can joke around with, someone i can go to when Im sad, and who will come to me when theyre sad. Someone who wont run away from their problems. Someone whos willing to work on theirself and our relationship and stay with me as i work on my own. Someone who I can snuggle with, someone who i can curl around or have curl around me. Someone who I can take on pretty dates, who i can pamper and make happy. Might be surprising but i dont really give a fuck abt sex. would be useful if we had the same kinks ig?

44. Ocean. I dont like space.

49. Lots of things. Always. Im so pathetic.

75. Ever seen a sea bunny? Theyre cute.

99. Cinders, my beloved puppy. She's 16 now. Rescue dog.

101. I'm told I do, I could type faster I think.

119. That changes quite a lot. A Lesson In Vengeance. Hell Followed With Us. Hear The Dead Cry. Jekylls Mirror.

133. Not Sure my favourite. I like a lot of lyrics. 'I'm a victim, but I choose to be.' The entire bridge of Alley Rose. 'I'm not a real person just the shit you cant make up' 'I'm not a good person, im barely a person at all, but someday i'll be perfect and i'll make up for it all.' So many more.

135. Told my sister who was.... idk, between 5-8 at the time, that beetroot was chocolate. She believed me until around this year, she's 11.

148. 'Y'all smoke to enjoy it, I smoke to die.' - Alaska (Looking For Alaska, John Green)

149. Do you truly believe that after death, everything stops? Do you believe one day your mind will just stop working, and there will be nothing left but rot? The soul exists, and something must happen to it. So yes, in my belief, ghosts exist.

[dnpanimationstudioclone]

Self-Reflection🪞

   Day 25 & 26, Blame and Fic Switch 

Aftermath of my Sidney Rewrite Episode. Danny’s in his room, reflecting on what happened and the things he wished he could’ve done. I dont normally do fics so I hope I atleast got a clear message in this.

TW, mentions of blood, violence and death.

Here's a link to my Rewrite Episode and take on Sidney design, character and how he died

          “I’m sorry Sid”, Danny said to himself solemnly, in his room holding Sid’s broken glasses, they got fairly damaged from…the incident. After the traumatic experience and damage caused in the school, the students were sent home for at least a week. While ghost attacks became a common thing, especially at Casper High, this one was especially frightening, no one, especially Danny saw what Sid did coming. He can still remember being chased like a little bug, seeing the fear in his own eyes from Sid’s giant reflective form, when he saw Dash's face get-he shakes his head, trying to get those horrific memories out. He can’t deal with those graphic details today. He’s just too tired, laying himself on his bed, he stares blankly at the ceiling.

          His friends, his family, even Lancer tried to assure Danny none of it was his fault, how could he have known it would all end up like this, how could he have been able to save Dash from something like that, he wasn’t even anywhere near the fight(or so his parents and teacher believed). He even tries to reassure himself, he shouldn’t blame himself but deep down he can’t help but wonder constant what ifs. What if he didn’t let or had been more careful about letting a ghost help prank on Dash and the other mean kids, knowing his backstory, what if he had listen to his friends sooner when they were worried he was getting carried away, what if he had tried talking to Sid better when he did wonder that himself. What if he didn’t let things get so out of hand…he couldn’t fix things.

Flashback of Sid and Danny talking. Sid’s dialogue, the darker words:

        “ What do you mean this is getting out of hand? Not like anything’s being tied back to us, right?”.

    “ I know, I know, Sid. It’s just some of these pranks have been pretty mean, even for them”.

“ It’s called giving them a a taste of their own medicine Danny. If it was the other way around, you’d think they’d be worrying about being too mean with you? They clearly haven’t thought that to begin with”.

“ Yeah, fair point. It’s just my friends seemed pretty worried and-

“ Ah you’re friends are just being brainwashed by flowery fables that those stupid teachers and the school tell you like “be the bigger person” or “being mean to them makes you just as mean” and other crud ike that. They just teach you to be as worthless as they are”.

“Hey, my friends aren’t worthless! And I get a lot of teachers can be jerks but there’s also plenty that at least try to help(thinks of Lancer). I like to think so.

“ I’m sure that’s what he'd tried to tell you, along with one of his dumb book swears. Seriously most haven't even heard of those books in years, especially not kids-he sees Danny becoming really uncomfortable and starts regulating himself. 

“ Sorry, sorry. I'm sure the people you're talking about truly mean well. I was just getting a little heated over there(brings back bad memories) I just know when you try to be nice and let things go, they usually don’t really care and just go back to their old nature. I just wanna make sure they learn their lesson for good. You know I’m just trying to look out for ya, right? 

         “ y-yeah ofcourse. You’re not wrong, it’s just not sure how long we can keep doing all these pranks, I am pretty busy with other stuff”.

“ Then maybe we should do one final, epic prank! The ultimate prank to teach all the mean kids you don’t mess with nerds! Revenge of the Nerds!

“ YEAH! though Def no revenge of the nerds 80′s style, those guys went WAY too far”.

“ Well it’s a good thing this Daddy-O’s from the 50′s! So I’ve been thinking what if-

Back to the present:

     As Danny remembers that conversation, he starts to realize he missed certain red flags such as Sid's growing mean streak...and the little cracks he was trying to hide on his skin. And then, there’s Dash, he got it much worse, being the main target for Sidney’s revenge hunt. Had to be sent to the hospital to get treatment for his injuries and stitches for that bad cut Sid’s pincer left on him, still remembers when the blood spilled on- Danny shakes from that experience. Good chance that mark will stay for a long time.

     He wishes it didn’t take him having a full emotional breakdown from all those brutal revenge pranks they pulled and almost dying trying to protect him(Danny) from Sid’s wrath to realize that for all his many, many faults, he’s not really a bad person and didn’t deserve to almost die. He can't even properly apologize to him, not without risking his identity being exposed.

     Danny lays back on his bed, breathing out a sigh of guilt and exhaustion. Part of why he wasn’t more willing to acknowledge and try to talk to Sid more was because, outside of Sam and Tucker, he doesn’t have a lot of friends. Then he met Sid who not only understood his problems but enjoyed hanging out with, sharing each others different time pleasures(like Egg-creams), talking about sci-fi films, when they did harmless pranks...at first. He was so worried about losing a new friend, he ended up losing him anyway, the worst way possible. In a way, he made a similar mistake to what the people in Sid’s life made. They ignored him and his problems until they became too big to fix. Thinking about it, Sid’s first failed plan in a twisted way, might've worked, in terms of making his bully regret everything. Doubt he had it easy after being known as the guy who accidentally killed one of his fellow classmates.

     As he takes his eyes off the rotating ceiling fan back to Sid's broken glasses, seeing his own reflection from them, he starts to consider. He can’t reverse what happened, but he can atleast make sure what happened to Sid is better acknowledged rather than just try to forget what happened like they did. Regardless of what was and what wasn't his fault, he still wants to make things right. Or atleast try to.

He props himself up to go check some stuff on his laptop such as memorials and finding perhaps some flowers and a card to send to Dash at the hospital. After what happened, it’s highly doubtful anyone would want to use that locker anymore. But maybe it could be used for something else, to remember Sid's story in a clearer light. Give his friend some peace.

As he looks at pictures of locker memorials, he calls Tucker, holding Sid’s broken glasses

“ Yeah I’m doing good too, thanks Do you know how to fix up cracked glasses?”

The End. 

What do u think? I'd love to know💖

[skullinahat]

whenever i go font hunting for a project i have a bad habit of downloading fonts i'll never use just because they delight me, so i wanted to share some of them! im pretty sure literally all of them are public domain so if u like any of them pls download them too

for reference to what a normal font looks like, here's helvetica.

now, lets get into my favorites!

This is LT glockenspiel black. just fucking look at this thing. look at it. i love how they didnt really choose a consistent flourish and just go with everything. it feels almost satirically luxurious. 10/10 i try it in my projects whenever i want a laugh

Baymanat. i've got like seven calligraphic fonts like this ill never use and had to throw one of them in her 9/10 its nice

ANABELA. LOOK AT THAT HALFTONE. LOOK AT THOSE WIBBLY LETTERFORMS. WHAT IS HAPPENING 10/10

droog... if anybody has actually used or seen droog in a project show me. now. i have to see it. not only is it a 10/10 unique font deisgn i'll never use it also has a 10/10 name. thats fucking droog all right

Block Out!!! i actually love this font. it's so unreadable in practice but i dont care i NEED to find a way to use it. its so comitted to its gimmick it doesnt half ass any letterform i love it 10/10

monogram fonts are NOT supposed to be used this way but i dont care. look at this. painful. how are you even supposed to use monogram fonts anyway? 10/10

festa!! found this one just recently, it has such futuristic fantasy energy. it just borders on annoyance because of the mixture of circle sizes. never seen a font gimmick like it before 9/10

flegrei. why are there three super thin lines in this entire font and only three 9/10

garish monde. dear gods if i ever need a glitchy eroded font this is what ill use but i really and truly never have 9/10

graphic attitude. this font looks terrible if you do anything longer than a single word but im really really fond of it 10/10

and now we get into kingthings!! this is kingthings facetype, found this through another tumblr post abt it. kingthings was (maybe still is but i dont think so) a super profilic typeface designer with a lot of really weird stuff. im a huge huge fan. they also included a txt file with their fonts that includes a short description of each one and its adorable. here's what they had to say abt facetype.

Kingthings Facetype

I made this font having thought of the name - maybe not the usual way to go about font design. It is based upon Kingthings Exeter and can be used to embellish that font or just as decorated capitals. I enjoyed making this font and it was one of the quickest to do - i just got completely absorbed by the project. I hope you enjoy this daft font!

Kingthings Serifique UL wide. ridicoulous. the flourishes always were a little awkward but on the UL wide theyre obscene. 10/10

Kingthings Inkydinky

I am making a font called Kingthings Serifique (well, that's what it's called this morning) - I got side tracked - again! I was filling and testing fountain pens for the Charity Shop in which I work… Mother always said I'm a filthy Herbert. Doesn't a little Ink go a long way?

Kingthings spirogyra. 10/10

Kingthings Spirogyra

I doodle you know…I remember with wonder, Biology lessons at 'big' school, with Microscopes, and a filamentous pond weed called Spirogyra. There were spirals in it! and a nucleus like a star! and then 35 years later (or so), I doodled Kingthings Spirogyra idly watching TV.

kingthings sheepishly. 10/10 perfection

kingthings tendrylle 11/10 one of my faovirte unusable fonts in the entire world its so amazing in every way

kingthings widow- another 11/10. kevin you are truly my favorite typographer in the whole entire universe

kidskas- ive posted about this font before. look at it again. you need to. its amazing. perfection 11/10

labryinth NF. when in my life will i use this font? no idea. do i fucking love it with my entire heart? yes. look at the curves using half circles to keep the weight. its got two gimmicks and it sticks to them. 10/10

LOSTAR MY BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY. all my work has been to legibility focused to use this yet but once i get a project thats more whimsical you fucking know who im trying first 10/10

middle cove beach rocks. 10/10 this font fills me with love i dont think ill ever use it but it has my whole heart

milka aged! i love how soft and warm this font is (: 9/10

mister loopy. when i talk about fonts fuckin commiting to their gimmick, this is what i mean. look at this. this is not a font you just use for a project this is a font you build a project around 10/10

misty candy. 10/10 probably the most disturbing font i have i love how it looks like pre-chewed gum

ocean view initials. 10/10. exactly what it is

tuscan expanded. i love expanded fonts so much. i have actually used this font before and it is perfect for one very specific purpose and thats it

pesagi lemu regular. hate this. 10/10

ponderosa std medium. this makes me laugh out loud 10/10

popstars!! this font is the reason i wanted to make this list its so delightful 10/10

RABENK. ABSOLUTELY UNREADABLY IN PRACTICE BUT HAS ENERGY LIKE NO OTHER. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO THE X. 11/10

i have like four more but i hit tumblrs image limit so i'll be back.

[pupuseriazag]

tw: venting about unlove:

Four months have passed after that "man" broke my heart. Treated my like he was interested, talkrd daily with him, he was there for me in some low moments (during which I would cry because I didnt felt enough for him or anybody), flirted and showed me signs he wanted me

Only for him to suddenly start being less and less caring with me, stopped giving me all those words and spent less time with me.

And I, in a stupid moment of weakness... Confessef my feelings for him

Wanna know something funny? He didnt reply in the moment. I talked to his friend and he listened to me talk how much I appreciated and loved him... How much I was willing to do for him. And he agreed we would've be nice together... That he was rooting for us and he was glad he had found someone so "nice" and "caring" as me.

He talked to him... 3 hours later he gives me the bad news... He is mad and sngry at his best friend for using my heart and not actually wanting to b with me... but still leading me on to believing we had a chance.

I was broken again, man. How. Many. Fucking. Times. Has. It. Been.

Time and time again I end up likr a fool.

And then he texted me. He was sorry for making me go thru that... After I had told him I was on the verge of stress for no one wanting to put the effort or wanting to fight for me.

He said that for weeks he did felt love for me... But realized he did not wanted to actually make the effort.

Thats when it happened. Thats when I got confirmation that no one would fight to be with me. Thats when I got confirmation that Im not enough for anybody... That theres something in me that people are easy to let me go.

Why am I not interestinf enough to keep them around? Why am I not pretty or handsome enough to keep someone? Why am I not... Anything actually special...

I was going everything alright... I've never hurt anybody and yet Im always the one hurt

My heart realized that night... That no one will ever truly love me like I love them...No matter how hard I search. No one will come to my life like I daydreamed when I was a little child. No one will work hard to be with me, no one will. No one will make sure I understand I am so....So very loved by them. No one will rver treat me right... And for some reason I dont deserve it.

But I know I do dederve it. I do deserve all those nicr things... But why does it never come? Why am I always thrown back to the ground amd forgotten?

I dont want to turn into the "I CAN love myself 😤😤" because I dont love myself. Being me has never made anybody feel like they want to fight for me... Not even myself.

And you knoe what I hate? I fucking despise the "Oh calm down! :) God will give you a nice MAN soon! Its all God's plan and God's timing is perfrct 😌"

I DONT WANT TO KEEP FUCKING WAITING. I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY STUPID LIFE TO HAVE SOMEONE LOVE ME DEEPLY AND NO ONE TO THIS DAY HAS EVER DONE SO. WHY DOES GOD WANT ME TO GO THRU THIS?! JUST SO I CAN """VALUE""" THE ACTUAL ""CORRECT"" PERSON?! I ALREADY FUCKING DO THAT WITH EVERYONE.

ITS FUCKING UNFAIR FOR ME TO ALWAYS HAVE BEEN EITHER A FUCKING EASY TO LET GO PERSON AND NEVER HAD ANYBODY SHOE ME THE ACTUAL LEVEL OF LOVE I NEED AND DESERVE I FUCKING HATE IT I HATE IT A LOT

I DONT DESERVE ALL OF THESE HEARTBREAKS

I DONT DESERVE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME

SO IF GOD HAS ANYTHING IN PLAN FOR ME IS PROBABLY JUST TO FUCKING LAUGH ST MY FACE FOR EVERYTIME I BELIEVE I FOUND THE CORRECT PERSON.

WHY CANT I HAVE LOVE NOW???? WHY CANT I FEEL LOVED NOW??? WHY DO I NEED TO KEEP WAITING AND FALLING AND FALLING IN NEW TRAPS SO CALLED LESSONS?!?!

ITS ALL BULLSHIT TO ME

I just... I dont want more people... I think I deserve love... But it always feels like god and the universe dont think I do...

So guess what? You won. Enjoy seeing how from time to time I cry again to sleep becquse of how unloved I feel. But I wont try it again. I wont open my heart to anybody in that way again.

Enjoy watching how I have to write fanfics and hyperfocus on those becquse I want to feel some type of love nesr me... And at least my mind is good and crrating those peope that do care for me

[ask-the-shorty-squad]

*It was now the morning. Since the shorties are still asleep let's see how Kiyo is doing with the book.*

Hm....

*Korekiyo stared at the book, seemingly waiting for it to start writing again.*

He's been away quite some time now.. Perhaps hes still processing all the information....

*Just as he finished speaking, a slight part of one of the empty pages on the book shimmered as words started to appear.*

"Hello again. I apologize with leaving so abruptly. It's been a long while since I've had contact with the physical realm like this. It took some time to get used to this. Time that I can now see through human eyes."

I'm sorry. "Through human eyes"?

"Yes. I was once a human before. After my fall during the Chikara war, I had to resort to reincarnation."

Ah.. I see. I've actually been quite curious about that war.. Do you remember anything that happened during it?

"I do. I remember everything. The humans were far easier to manipulate than other worldly beings that fell before them. That alone was one of the many aspects of humans to surprise me"

Keheheh.. How truly fascinating.. You must be quite the historic figure Mr. Kuru.. Now, might I ask.. The Hanamura Family. How much do you know of them?

"About as much as a former part of them would. I was married to Teruteru's mother after all."

Ah.. I see. As a man who enjoys his history lessons. Would you enlighten me on their history?

"I don't see why not. Anything in particular that you've wished to know?"

I'd like to know about how they gained their abilities. Who was the first? And how did they do it?

"The Hanamura's? Well, the most I know is their abilities emerge in their own planned schedule. Every power they obtain appears in a moment where it is necessary. Except for one. The flowers. The singular ability of plants is the only one that is guaranteed with every Hanamura. As for who was the first. I know very little about them aside from their name. Kimiyo Hanamura. A rather fitting name I must say."

Truly.. Now. A question for you... Why did you hurt Teru? You wanted an army. Yet all you did to Teru was cause him nothing but pain and suffering. I cant say I'm surprised at your actions anymore though. Considering that an evil deity was born to create chaos and not happiness.

*A few seconds passed of complete silence before words started appearing from the book again.*

"While that last part can be true, to an extent, I do not wish to speak of what I did. For they are things I cannot taken back."

*Korekiyo and the book remain silent. Kiyo stares down blankly at the book before closing it. And leaving the room. Now then.. Lets see how the shorties are doing.*

Did you not hear me? I thought you were part blind not part deaf. I said you cant enter. Dont think I wont resort to violence just because you're a yakuza who thinks hes tough shit.

*Juzo and Fuyuhiko were glaring daggers at one another. Teru, ready to step in and beat the crap out of Juzo if necessary and Monaca was behind her parents. Casually waiting. With a bat. Juzo was about to speak up when someone else appeared.*

Oh! Isnt this a pleasant surprise! How are you kids doing? I hope Juzo isnt causing you any trouble.

None. What. So. Ever.

*Teruteru quickly pulled Fuyuhiko back to keep him from fight Juzo.*

Apologies for the sudden arrival. We were hoping if we could visit Yayoi today.

Pretty please!!

[rainy-astrology]

thats what baffles me about this whole life thing that we have to unfortunately force ourselves to endure even if we dont want to admit it we are slaves to the broken system. there is so much that we can or should be doing but at the end of it it dont matter once we pass away cause then u be a no body yknow. no one on earth can really say when but i wanna know when... idrc for the whole life is short yolo shtick that was a saying in the mid 00s or whenever. theres only so much u can realistically achieve and if u fail as i have then whats the point in sticking around? why is there no exit button cause i dont want to stick around past the age of 50? the state the world and countries are in is dreadful. people on here are still timid to talk about death but we cant avoid the subject.

Hi anon, are you alright? You sound very stressed and depressed. This is some pretty negative thinking...Especially if you're asking about death and not wanting to live long. "If you fail as I have then whats the point of sticking around?" I'm guessing you base your self worth on success and you haven't met your expectations/goals, so you're already considering yourself a failure and want to quit. You're under 50, so you're still young (and even if you were 50 or older, age can't stop you from reaching your goals) and have plenty of time to achieve all of the things you want. Yes we will all die in the end, but that doesn't mean you should spend the rest of your time doing nothing and being negative. That's a sad way to live. It's also not a reason to want to leave early... There must be something else in this world that you want to live for.

Is there nothing or nobody you value? Life is about the small things too...it's about the people you are with too...do you really want to quit and leave those behind? Even if you don't think you have either, surely you do. Think about it. Reflect deeply. Even if you think you will be insignificant after your death, you will matter to those you're close to, to people you have impacted and care about. I'm sure there's someone who cares about you. The world may not know you, but why do you care about people you don't even personally know.

You can still be successful no matter how many times you've failed. Isn't that what life is? A series of trials and lessons, learning experiences? You don't have to beat yourself up so much over your mistakes and failures. Learn from them, grow from them.

But I get what you're saying though, I think about it a lot actually. The world is in an incredibly depressing state and just seems to get worse each passing minute. Sometimes it does feel like our efforts amount to nothing, especially since we'll die anyway. We really can be doing so much more and run the world in a much different, better way yet we somehow chose some miserable ways...It's completely understandable. I also especially understand with the failure part, but we can't let that eat us up y'know. We only truly fail when we give up completely.

I know you didn't come to me to get some motivational speech or whatever, but I do not want you to wallow in your own sadness. It's ok to be sad and to be depressed, but you shouldn't give up either.

Decided to put your other ask in here as well

Yeah I'm sorry I didn't really have much of an answer for your 1st ask.

Certain times? Like birth times? I don't think there's much to it, it just happens to be the time we're born at. The placements are based on the degree and coordinates of the stars and such at the time iirc.

No, I don't think it does. Nothing in your birth chart or astrology is set in stone. It is simply a guide to help you learn about yourself and what you may want in life, the lessons and experiences you may go through. Plus depending on the type of chart system and astrology system you use, one chart can mean one thing while the other says something else (but there should likely be an overlapping theme between the charts). It's all up to you to make the action and effort to build your own path and life.

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Fear Is Paralyzing

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

=========================

+ John 11:25 “Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me will live, even though they die.’

=========================

VERSE OF THE DAY 

========================

+ Mark 4:40 Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

‭‭=========================

** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM NOT LETTING FEAR CONQUER ME

I AM NOT ALONE

I AM TRUSTING IN GOD

GOD GUIDES ME

********************************

THOUGHTS:

=======================

   One day, as I was sitting in the presence of God, I was waiting for him to speak unto me, and I heard him say unto me why are my people afraid?(which I knew he knew the answer to and it wasn’t meant for me to answer ) Do they not have faith in me? He said, my people are afraid of what lies ahead and what they are facing now; he said I am telling them not to fear but to believe unto me.

There are so many men and women in the bible who were afraid, and many times, they were told not to fear. And often, we fear because we do not know what is happening. Are ..we at a stage in our life that is so uncomfortable that it brings on that fear? Gideon is a good example of someone who was afraid, and when he learned of how God could use him and move in his life, he gained strength and courage; he was a coward, and he wasn't afraid to show that side of himself, some of us pretend to be brave, and we pretend that we have everything figured out but we honestly dont because we aren't listening to God.

If we would slow down and connect with God we would be less afraid right? We would know that God can conquer anything and everything for us if we believe, and I know that sounds cliche and simple, but it truly is just that God wants us to rely on him about everything, and the problem is we are afraid to do that. We are afraid to give him every side of ourselves, so we hold back, and we hide sides that we think God don’t see or sides we think he won’t understand , and he sees every side.

  Today, the Holy Spirit wants us to know that it's nothing too big for God Judges 6:14: " Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go with the strength you have and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!”

  God doesn't see us the way we view ourselves, and God didn't see Gideon the way he viewed himself; he told him to go rescue Israel from the Midianites. God sees us as strong warriors; God sees us as mighty and strong. God does see that we have allowed the enemy to trick us  into thinking that we aren't nothing but just small nothings but God wants us to push beyond that and TRUST IN HIM, but Gideon says in verse 15 " But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” 

See Gideon said my clan is the weakest I know you're not sending me we can't do it and I'm the least of my whole family, its no way I'm going at all, see Gideon all ready had his mind made up he was afraid and he wasn't going he didn't care what God said 

  Judges 8:16 Then Gideon took the elders of the town and taught them a lesson, punishing them with thorns and briers from the wilderness. 17 He also tore down the tower of Peniel and killed all the men in the town."

When we stop listening to ourselves, and we genuinely remain in God, and we ask him for boldness and guidance, and we allow him to work in us, we evolve into people no one has ever seen; in this verse, Gideon punished the elders he even tore down the towers too he didn't care he was brave he had the power of God behind him, and when we move like this nothing can stand our way.

Another example of a group of people that looked at what they seen and not trusting in God “Numbers 13:33 We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.”

They allowed what they seen to fill them with so much fear that they allowed the spirit of fear to fill the whole village we can’t allow fear to take over where we forget who we have with us we have God , and he commands us not to fear but to have a sound mind we must every day pray for boldness and allow his love to rest in us .

***Today we can listen to the negatively that some of our family and friends say and stay afraid and stay broken, or we can listen to what God is telling us , which “ that I'm giving you the victory over addiction ,I’m giving you the victory over the problems you're facing ,I’m giving you the victory to stand up for your selves in giving you the victory to be who I called you to be, “God is saying today why are you afraid stand with me, and I am going to give you the strength you never had !! But we must stand with God 

©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

========================

PRAYER

========================

Heavenly Father we ask you to forgive us of the sins we done , we desire to know you more and to be stronger in you , lord fear tries to grip us and destroy us but we ask you for the power to conquer it and to rebuke it , lord we stand on you and what your will is for our lives . Lord we ask that you help us to take today’s devotional and use it for our lives . Lord when we partake in our word today help us to understand it and grow in you. Lord we rebuke the spirit of fear and confusion , we send it back to the pits of hell in Jesus Name Amen

========================

REFERENCES 

========================

+ John 14:27 Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.”

+ Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

+ Psalm 27:3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.

========================

FURTHER READINGS 

=========================

Jeremiah 51:1-53

Titus 2:1-15

Psalm 99:1-9

Proverbs 26:20

=========================

[slenderfirebolt]

!'Therapy Friend' is not a healthy relationship!

at least not inheritly. I feel compelled to write this out after having experiences Quite A Lot over the past year or so, and while i have now recovered basically completely from the Consequences of my Actions (and of the actions of others), i think its important to note down a few things that i have learned in hope that a few less people will make the same mistakes, or miss the same red flags, as i have made and missed. some of these are probably obvious and its just the autism that screwed me over, while many might be more useful to everyone. First of all just to disclose any biases i may have, i am a former 'therapy friend' and have also been the person getting 'therapy friended'. in addition to this, i am in my second year of my Psychology major, and while i am ***far*** from able to properly do any kind of actual therapy work (this isnt an 'as a psych major rant dw), i have gotten very good at identifying exactly how catastrophically bad my mistakes were, so without further ado, heres what i have learned in my time so far; Sympathy =/ Empathy: fairly obvious as a concept, but the real issue is how effective/ineffective sympathy and empathy can be with regards to trying to make your friends feel better. Empathizing with someone can often lead to you to feel a need to 'prove' that you also went though something similar to them. this is *not good*, as it can end up bringing everyone down, and if your in a bad mood from your memories, your not going to be helping very much. Sympathy seems to be fine, so long as it is wanted. NOT everyone wants someone to feel sorry for them. DONT OVERSHARE: probably the second most important on this list, 'oversharing' can be a lot more minor than you would think at first, at least with regards to quantity, but very quickly it builds up into a Severe Problem. ideally, the person your trying to help wont know jack about you beyond what is necessary (this is why 'Therapist' and 'Friend' dont overlap very well, since having lots of knowledge on eachother is common for friends). you dont want the person your worried about feel worse because they are worried about you. DONT let this aspect of your relationship DEFINE your relationship!!!! this is probably the biggest on here, and a fuckup that i had made Several times before learning my lesson. if your relationship with someone is defined by the pain you share between eachother, one of two things is going to happen. either the relationship will begin to fade once the pain is gone, or the pain will persist to keep the relationship going. while it is possible that one could have a nice relationship with someone after the pain is gone, that can really only happen if theres more depth to your connection, and any connection based on being 'grateful' is going to get very dubious very fast. Set your own boundaries and follow them: easy for some people, not easy for others. while you may not initially think that your being effected by having people vent at you, or by talking people out of their own malignant thoughts, it can start draining from you without you noticing, and can worsen your own mental health dramatically before you even notice. Prioritize Yourself: hardest one to do for some people, but incredibly important. someone who is not mentally well wont be of much help, so you have to make sure your mental health is in top shape if you want to fill this kind of role. Make sure people want your help. i missed this one a lot, since i just *assumed* that if people were in pain, they would want relief from their pain. this is *not* always true, and you can only truly help someone who *wants* to be helped. you cannot truly CHANGE people, you can only help them change themselves, and this is true for aiding people in dealing with mental health.

Be Their Friend. sounds very obvious, and it connects to several other points on this list. you have to be someone's friend *first*, if you arent doing that, your just an untrained 'therapist' trying your best. this list is not meant to make people who *arent* doing some of these feel guilty, its more of a PSA than anything, and its not meant to make people with 'therapy friends' feel guilty either. that being said, to those that do have 'therapy friends', theres a few important things to remember. - Dont emotionally invest yourself into someone not emotionally stable, it will hurt you both in the long run - Seek professional help if possible for professional problems. friends can give you advice, and i would personally encourage them to give it when it is welcome, but any kind of diagnostic work should at the very least be researched a bit more in depth. that being said, if you find that some methods of treating something help you... - Do what helps You. maybe you cant get a diagnosis due to time and money, maybe your afraid of the consequences. i can understand that, and plenty of other people can as well. you cant always 'solve' some problems, some of them you just have to wait out until they are gone, and then start moving forward. - Be open about what you want from your friendship. the thing that managed to lose me a lot of friends as both the 'therapist' and 'therapee' was people not being open about what kind of friendship they wanted, and if they were comfortable with having/being a 'therapy friend' it sucks to have to confront people, but making sure this stuff is down can save friendships. Take everything i have said here with a healthy amount of salt, since its only from my experience, and may not be universal. be kind and honest to your friends, and try your best to be united by something other than your common pains. very few mistakes are irreparable, i have made *countless*, and even though i have lost many friends, i have gained many more, and at the end of the tunnel, i have come out a happier and more capable person.

[janeaustenprotagonist]

july 25th 2024 12:06am

what the actual fuck john

WHAT THE FUCK

I'm so unnecessarily upset right now

you-

fuck

I understand how fucking busy you are

why did you leave me on open?

why did you ghost me?

during a serious conversation?

why would you ghost me while we're talking about something so important?

am I really just pretty enough to fuck but not want to be with? bc what the fuck.

I'm not a second choice john

I know I'm not

or maybe I am considering everyone I've ever been with was either using me as a beard or fucking cheated on me maybe that's all I am maybe I'm only the second choice maybe I'm just the one they use to figure out who they really want I'm just the second choice, if that

fuck and I was going to ask you to be exclusive

I WANTED TO BE YOURS

I was going to ask you before the previews started at the barbie movie

I was going to ask if you want to be exclusive I was going to say "hey I need to talk to you about something. so, we've been talking for a little while and uh I really like spending time with you and uhm I think you're pretty cool and I don't want to regret not knowing you, all of you, so... would you happen to want to be exclusive? with? me?" that's what I was going to fucking ask I really thought I was the exception I thought for once I was a first choice that you actually had feelings for me that you liked me FUCK am I wrong? AM I WRONG? GOD I NEVER GET A HAPPY ENDING LOVE STORY MY ASS THIS IS FOOLISH ONE THIS IS HITS DIFFERENT THIS IS YOU'RE LOOSING ME

I try so fucking hard to be positive or at least optimistic bc everything in my fucking life goes wrong nothing is ever easy or at least somewhat straightforward I mean I got diagnosed with a rare brain tumor AND my legs randomly paralyzed themselves a week after my birthday and doctors don't know why I've got multiple rare diseases and conditions with zero treatment at all my fucking uncle offed himself a couple weeks before my birthday my aunt died to her illnesses a COUPLE DAYS before my birthday and and my friend from middle school died and I just keep getting worse physically but I try so hard to keep my spirits up and be hopeful and also not to mention I was FUCKING ABUSED BY MY LAST LONG TERM PARTNER AND PRESSURED INTO SEXUAL THINGS BUT YA KNOW THATS NOTHING COMPARED TO EVERYTHING ELSE and I thought maybe just once I'd find something easy bc it felt so good and so easy and talking to you was easy YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE DAYLIGHT JOHN YOU MADE ME FEEL GOLDEN I FINALLY FELT BEAUTIFUL AND PRETTY AND SEXY FOR ONCE YOU MADE ME FEEL WONDERFUL AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN THROUGH FOR ONCE I FELT BEAUTIFUL I'VE LOST SO MUCH SO FUCKING MUCH AND YOU MADE ME FEEL DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE HAS EVER AM I JUST PRETTY ENOUGH TO FUCK BUT NEVER WANT TO BE WITH? PRETTY ENOUGH TO GO ALL THE WAY BUT NEVER JUST KISS? yeah so you can literally rip my pussy where it keeps bleeding for days and then just ghost me that's great thank you I appreciate that so so so much thank you john.

so yeah go fucking ahead, I thought we were going out this weekend but idk anymore. I was finally feeling secure enough to let myself truly develop feelings. fuck you. I'm sorry I didn't mean that. I'm just upset. I'm just upset. I just. I just wanted this to go right. I just wanted you. I'm sitting in my bed crying, I've got Foolish One by Taylor Swift on repeat, I'm so foolish. you should be here, you should be texting me, calling me, responding to SOMETHING. SAY ANYTHING. I DON'T CARE. GIVE ME AN ANSWER OF SOMETHING. IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE WITH ME THEN FINE WHATEVER JUST TELL ME TALK TO ME DONT JUST GHOST ME

I AM NOT THE EXCEPTION AND I WILL NEVER LEARN MY LESSON FOOLISH ONE STOP CHECKING YOUR MAILBOX FOR CONFESSIONS OF LOVE THAT AINT NEVER GONNA COME

I just wanted you.

olive

[savnofilter]

i know it's been years since the bnha drama you had to go through in 2020, but i wanted to say that i've thought about really it for years and years and i was on your side for when it happened. i still remain on your side, and i hope you were given proper apologies from yk who and their defenders. you most likely never want to think about it again, but i hope you know that what you did mattered. i think about it really from time to time remembering how the internet was so eager to go against a bunch of teens and how cruel it was really at the time. i know you endured a lot of hate for it, and i hope you're doing better now!

let's be real here, aint nun of them ever apologized to me and never will. it's pretty evident how past the few troll hate asks i got recently, everything is 100% lbh and them and it's not made up cuz apparently mfs think i send hate to myself LOL.

atp idc cuz everyone else ive ever had a problem with that werent part of their circle or used to be, ive actually amended and made up with. but thank you for this, it def doesnt effect me like it did back in the day (idky i aged myself like that). i definitely am better now! mentally, emotionally (i think; im stunted there if we're being quite honest) and overall i love life. i love everything in it like im just chilling... if anything that whole thing made me realize that i was limiting myself being on here 24/7 and straining myself worrying ab shit that didnt need to be worried ab.

so even if i took the L and there are so many fake fuckass niggas on this site (or left) who said they know ab whats happened but still fuck with nonces they can go die like the rest of them. 🖕🏽 it's truly disappointing how cowardly most are to refuse the idea of not supporting someone simply bc they wanna read degenerate bakugo fanfic. i would be lying if i wasnt honest on how hurt i really was when ppl also lied on my name saying i did shit i never did or the fact that no shade no tea, anonie, getting asks like this and then crickets publicly. and to that if there are more recent victims or ppl effected by her and her friends actions you deserve it!!!! lol.

im apathetically bitter but im just glad i can finally talk my shit on my blog LOL. i used to be so scared of talking ab what was really going on, walking on eggshells bc i still wanted to be seen as just funny little Sav who makes borderline crack fics. i am not one to sub a bitch, imma call you out your name but yk who tf im talking ab!! it feels good to be free to speak ab what i want, not feeling pressured to conform to ideologies i dont agree with (proship, dark content, politics etc etc). so tbh im very happy with the outcome. bc at the end of the day i know i spoke nothing but the truth and even with no support i can sleep at night knowing i got no skeletons in my closet. i own to the things i do, i will admit when im wrong and i love to grow as a person. i speak my truth and dont need everyone to agree with it or debate me. 🤷🏽‍♀️

also yall choose your friends wisely. use your intuition. dont ignore that gut feeling and dont fw ppl yk do shitty things. you will get caught up in it, and thats past tumblr cesspool drama advice. it's very tempting to be that bad person. it's tempting to do whatever you want but everything has a consequence.. everything you put out, you receive back.

n ik im not mf saint either bitch ☠️ cuz i made a choice at 14 y.o joining this site, i was either gonna be some wholesome pushover or a bitch. i took the latter, did the time and now ive learned that i dont need to be rude or a bully in order to be assertive. that having respect for yourselves and others doesnt mean to be unnecessarily mean to mfs who DONT deserve it. everything just feels like a life lesson tbvh. im gonna keep arguing with niggas online cuz i eat everyone up even when im outnumbered. 🥴 but to everyone who genuinely deserves an apology from me has received it and likewise. and that's all i can ask for.

tldr; ive learned a lot, that time was very sucky but we up. 🤪🤳🏽

p.s shoutout to ms gworl @/mci bc she kept me in check and helped me a lot. no bum on this site will ever compare to her at all. oh yeah and i will talk ab the callout any chance i get so neva tell me to let it go!! <3

[kusundei]

maybe therapy would be beneficiall just a little bit. I just keep thinking about it because ive been. i guess just trying to ignore it and ??? hide ???? it???? at least in my head i kept rationalizing it by thinking id be different. i AM different. and its the whole thing of why is it back. i know exactly why its back ive always noticed it. its just been almost half a year and i ghought maybe id be able to escape it this time but. i guess not. its just so disappointing because what the hell. it keeps looping in my head maybe thats why??? I dont need rhat . at least i somt want that. sure maybe it would be beneficial and its so lashing if that is my mindset cayse if that IS true then its considered that to be applicable to the both of us. its not like i think its hopeless its more of just a. what is that going to do for me. maybe therapy can help but at most all that would happen is that i get to talk abt my feelings.. 🥹… and im fine alone. i dont need anyone to hear that sort of thing. sure maybe input is nice but i dont need someone to hear those things. maybe id get put on something that could stabilize my mood but if anything its just aggravating because my mood has always been erratic like this but not? like? this? like i mean i get sad alot. i go from happy to upset alot in a short amt of time but now im feeling other things again and its kind of sickening

just because who am i??? again. thought i was different now. but no all those things i associated with jd and muffin and josh (i guess) are all still very much applicable. its just so. bothersome. because who am i??? i just notice it more because its getting bad. maybe its just a sign im allowing myself to?? let myself loose?? i dont know?? or its a time thing. its always sort of been a time thing. could also be circumstances. ill allude it to stress. alot going on and it would explain why i keep crashing out so easily from small things. its even worse because even i acknowledge how obvious it is. like i know you can see it on my face and thats what worries me. im afraid i wont be able to keep lying anymore. and thats just scary.

its not like im lying really its just that i am so used to (and much prefer) just keeping shit to myself. its no problem in my opinion its just what i know and its what has me feeling most comfortable. i mean if anything i have allowed myself certain things, im vulnerable in certain ways,? ive gotten more honest i am just not fully. it really does not bother me honestly because again i know i can handle myself but then if i really do think abt it if i can really “handle myself” then why am i struggling. why are these things happening to me again. why am i hallucinating again. why do i keep going back and forth on how i feel abt people. why are my mood swings getting bad. why do i keep getting upset from small things. why am i letting them linger. why is my mood and how im allowed to feel and what im allowed to do dependent on that. why did i get so anxious yesterday i crashed out and GENUINELY almost crashed that car on purpose. why did i throw up before my lessons because i was anxious but couldnt let myself have a panic attack or something. why ARE my panic attacks coming back. its just a whole thing. im counting my days atp i know but i do still just refuse to acknowledge it

well no. actually i am acknowledging it i just am NOT acknowledging it in a. making a change way. because truly there is nothing i can change and nothing i can do. in a perfect world where i am not sick and i am not evil i know i’d let myself do it. id do all those things and id be okay but despite it all its not like im doing bad. i just do it to myself i think. its not like im gonna die though

i dont know i guess i could just acknowledge it because hell. even he enabled me and it made me so. . seen? but also horrified. because no. youre not supposed to agree you are supposed to tell me i am wrong and self diagnosing. i cant have that. would it explain everything? yeah. would i then have to acknowledge my struggles and problems currently though. yeah. i just dont have the time nor motivation to bother. i am barely scraping by with the motivation i have now and i jusf. dont have the time really. i will just continue to think abt it subconsciously. but truly it will not change anything for me. will just push that narrative that i was doomed from the start and i am fighting a losing battle maybe

There is something seriously wrong with me

[atlabeth]

everything happens for a reason part one - zuko x fem!reader

I am not your concern 

masterlist | part 2 

summary: as a servant in the fire nation, you’ve learned that life is often unfair. but as you venture through a tumultuous relationship with a certain prince, you come to learn a very tricky lesson: everything happens for a reason.

a/n: im so excited about this guys you dont even know. i have so much planned and i hope you all love it as much as i do - just for reference, in this first chapter y/n is 9 and zuko is 10

wc: 2.3k

warning(s): mentions of a raid, reader and zuko both being little shits lmao

chapter title comes from not your concern by the hush sound! 

Y/N sprawled out on the grass and sighed contentedly as the sun shined down on her and her mother. Today was easier than most as they had been given the day off, an occasion that was rare in the royal palace. She closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh scent aerating their surroundings. Her senses were blessed with a mix of sea salt and fire lilies, an ever present reminder of the two worlds she walked in.

“Y/N,” her mother chided as she glanced down at her daughter from her sewing. “You shouldn’t lay in the grass like that. You know how hard those stains are to get out; I don’t need even more work on my plate.”

“Yes, mother,” she sighed as she sat up with mock exasperation. “I just feel like I should take advantage of this! We spend all day inside, and now that we’re out here you’re worried about things like stained clothes.” Y/N pushed herself to her feet and spread her arms out as she spun in a small circle. “Life is short, and I already spend all of it sewing and healing. Don’t you think I deserve some grass stains?”

“Did you find your way into the poetry books again?” she joked. “Of course I think you should have fun, but you know how things are here. I’m just trying to keep you safe.”

She continued to twirl, the soft breeze a welcome sensation on her skin. “I know, I know, but you don’t need to worry! I can—”

“Dear, watch where you’re going!”

Her mother’s warning didn’t reach her in time, a fact that became known to Y/N as she collided into the boy in front of her. A small gasp escaped her as recognition filled her now wide eyes.

“Prince Zuko!” she exclaimed, nervous hands finding their positions as she bowed. “Please forgive me for the accident, I didn’t realize you were there.”

Y/N had never spoken to the young prince directly — she mainly shadowed her mother while she did her work around the palace or honed her healing abilities under the watchful eye of Rika, their most skilled healer — but she knew enough to understand that she was to never disrespect the royal family in any way.

“Don’t worry,” he said with a small smile, alleviating the tension that had built up in her shoulders. “I’m sorry too, I wasn’t paying attention either. I actually came here for some help.” As she straightened her back, she noticed the bundle of fabric he was holding. “Are you Kura?”

“Oh, no. That’s my mother.” She pointed behind her where her mother greeted the prince with a respectful nod and smile of her own. “Did you come to get something fixed? She’s the best seamstress in all of the Four Nations.”

“My daughter flatters me,” Kura chucked. “What is it that you require, Prince Zuko?”

“She’s right, actually.” He held up the bundle of cloth which Y/N now recognized as one of the many outfits he owned. She didn’t consider herself a jealous person, but the prince’s extensive wardrobe was an exception to that rule. She had one set uniform for her work supplied by the Fire Nation, and a threadbare set for everything else that her mother had bought for her after saving up what little copper they had to spare. Y/N didn’t mind it too much as she was able to practice her sewing whenever the seams broke, but she was sure that her handiwork made up more of the outfit than the original by now.

“I tore one of the sleeves while I was training with Azula,” Zuko expressed with a frown. “I showed it to my mother, and she said that Kura would be able to fix it. I had to go through every single servant to find you, so I really hope you can. ”

Kura set her current project down and took the cloth from the prince, examining it with the skillful eye of a seamstress before meeting his eyes with another smile. “Of course, dear. I should have it ready for you by tomorrow; my daughter will deliver it to your quarters around midday.”

“Do it well,” he demanded. “I can’t focus on my training if my clothes are falling apart.”

“Hey!” she spoke up, scowling as she crossed her arms. It was like every shred of sense Y/N had disappeared the moment he talked down to her mother. “This is our day off, so you should be thankful that my mother is taking time out of her day to do this for you. Be nicer to her.”

“Y/N!” her mother scolded, her tone frantically apologetic as she turned back to the prince. “Please, forgive my daughter. She speaks her mind far too often, she doesn’t mean any disrespect.”

“No, you’re right.” A thoughtful expression found its way onto the young boy’s features, his eyes trained on her own displeasure. “My father always talks that way to the servants and I guess it came off on me. I’m sorry. It’s not nice.”

“Apology accepted,” Y/N said reluctantly.

“Thank you for your help. I’ll make sure to tell all my friends about your work.” The young prince smiled and walked off, though not without a curious second glance at the girl who righted his wrong.

As soon as the prince was out of range, Kura began to berate her daughter. “Y/N, by now you have to understand that under no circumstances may you ever speak to a member of the royal family like that! Do you know what kind of punishment you could’ve gotten if anyone else was around to hear that?”

She sighed and settled back on the ground, plucking a blade of grass from the ground. “I know, mother, but he needs to learn manners, prince or not!”

“That’s not how it works here. Our job is to serve the royal family without question. Sometimes they say mean things, but we can’t do anything about it. Apologies are not yours to demand or accept.”

“That’s not fair,” she mumbled as she wrapped the strand of grass around her finger. “Back home I could say whatever I wanted.”

“I know, honey, I know. But we’re not at home anymore, so the rules there don’t apply. We have to follow the rules that are put in place here. Can you promise that you’ll do that for me?”

“Yes, mother.” It was a phrase that seemed to always be at the tip of her tongue now that constant apologies were littered throughout her days, usually accompanied by a sigh.

“I miss home,” The murmured sentiment was almost too soft for Kura to hear and her heart sank. Her daughter’s gaze was trained on the ground, idle fingers tapping against her legs, and she put a momentary pause to her sewing with a sigh.

“Dear, don’t you have a healing session today with Rika?”

“You know I don’t,” she grumbled. “It’s my day off, which no one seems to remember.”

“Y/N.” Kura’s voice was more firm and she now understood that it wasn’t so much a suggestion as a demand. “I think you should pay Rika a visit.”

She heaved an exasperated sigh and stood up in a far more exaggerated gesture than necessary. “Alright. I’ll see you later tonight, mother.” And as Y/N began her walk back to the palace, a sour feeling brewed in her chest.

Kura watched on, unable to prevent the fear that permeated her thoughts. They were fortunate that the young prince was generous, but along with his mother they might’ve been the only two who shared those views in the royal family. She hated having to constantly admonish her daughter — the girl was too young to constantly live in fear, especially having already been through so much — but in the Fire Nation they couldn’t afford to do anything less. A spitfire girl like her daughter was constantly treading on thin ice, and it was all she could do to keep her safe.

Kura feared the day when she wasn’t there to protect her.

-

After a short walk that consisted of muttering things to herself and taking her anger out on the pebbles unfortunate enough to be in her path, Y/N found herself back at the palace. She let herself into a side entrance meant only for servants and set on her way to the infirmary when she collided with someone else — an apology was already on the tip of her tongue when she recognized it was Prince Zuko once more. She truly had rotten luck.

Y/N shot quick glances around to ensure that they were alone, then lowered her voice just for extra security. “My mom says I’m not supposed to talk to you like this, but I don’t care. Just because you’re the prince doesn’t mean you can just go around bumping into people!” she whispered angrily.

“But— you were the one who bumped into me the first time!”

She could feel her face heat up from embarrassment and she crossed her arms. “Just— whatever! Do you want something or do you just like popping up in places you're not supposed to be?”

“I guess I just wanted to talk to you,” Zuko shrugged. “I’ve never really seen you around before, and you’re interesting.”

Y/N scrutinized him trying to find out if he was tricking her somehow, but after staring at him for a solid ten seconds she finally caved. “Fine,” she said, already beginning to walk. “But you’d better make it fast. I have to get to a healing session.”

He took a few quick steps to catch up to her and frowned. “I’m the prince. Technically I could order you to stop and you would have to listen.”

“Yeah, well when it’s just the two of us, you’re just another boy. I don’t have time to talk to boys for hours.”

His brows creased for a moment as he thought about it, then ultimately shrugged once more. “Okay. You said you were going to a healing session- does that mean you’re a waterbender?”

She nodded, and Zuko waited for her to explain further. He heaved a sigh, realizing that he was going to have to carry this conversation. “Well.. what’s a waterbender doing in the Fire Nation?”

She fixed him with a puzzled look. “I’m a servant. That’s why I’m here.”

“I know that,” he frowned. “But most of the servants here are from the Fire Nation, and there are hardly any around your age. I’m just trying to get to know you better.”

Y/N sighed heavily — she now knew that the child prince of the Fire Nation had zero sense of boundaries, and if she wanted to get him off her back she had to answer to his satisfaction. “My mother is a waterbender from the Northern Tribe. She left home when she was young to travel the world and help who she could with her healing, and eventually she fell in love with an earthbender. That was my father — they ended up marrying and settling down in his village where they had me a few years later. Last month, my village was raided by the Fire Nation, and my mother and I were captured after they discovered we were waterbenders. And now I’m here, being annoyed by a prince.”

Zuko frowned once more — it seemed if he continued hanging out with this girl the expression would be stuck permanently on his face — and he suddenly felt ashamed for pushing. “I’m really sorry,” he muttered. “I had no idea.”

She heaved another sigh and shook her head. “Yeah, well they probably keep a lot of the bad things they do from you. It’s easier to send raids to destroy families when your children don’t know.”

“What happened to your father?” he questioned.

Y/N’s body stiffened, and she had never been more thankful to see the infirmary door. “Save your questions for next time,” she grumbled.

Zuko’s eyes lit up, her earlier stumble going unnoticed, and a small smile found its way across his lips. “There’s gonna be a next time?”

She managed to cover up her own growing smile with an ambivalent shrug. “As long as you don’t bump into me again.” Y/N opened the door and gave him a polite parting nod before disappearing inside.

“Good afternoon, Master Rika,” she said with a small bow. “I know this is unexpected, but my mother insisted that I come here to—”

“Let me guess,” the older woman interrupted with a raised brow. “Kura got tired of you and sent you here to annoy me instead?”

Y/N chuckled and rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she pushed the sleeves of her tunic up to her elbows. “When have I ever annoyed you?”

“That’s a question you don’t want me to answer,” she joked as she rummaged through the closet to get supplies. “Besides, what was that smile for? Meet a boy on your day off? A girl?”

Her eyes widened momentarily and she felt the heat rush to her cheeks intensely. “I don’t ask you about your life while we heal, you shouldn’t ask about mine!”

Zuko, who had been eavesdropping by the door in an extremely un-covert fashion, felt an even bigger smile. The girl was prickly as a cactus, but he found himself strangely drawn to her — not in spite of it, but because of it. He was so used to anyone he talked to outside of his immediate family and friends bending at the knee to fulfill his every will, and it was exhausting at times. But this girl — Y/N, as he had learned — was the complete opposite.

He started to walk away, sure that he was late for some kind of session of his own. Zuko found himself thinking of the glimpse of a smile he got, already finding himself scheming up ways to make it return.

And despite her request, he was almost certain he would try to bump into her again.