#let survivors cope and heal the way they think is best for them

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of Sylvain's Promiscuity

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: So, the persistent stares of women, the appraising looks of noble daughters… I had to smile and accept them. …Because I had the Crest, you see. Byleth: That's not true. Sylvain: It's already too late now, but I understand. …I should have just said one word, "no".

This part of Sylvain's Japanese A-Support with Byleth really stood out to me. He felt like he should have just said "嫌だ" (iya da). It is a rather strong expression that conveys not just a simple "no" or "I don't want to," but also a feeling of being disgusted or significantly displeased by something. Based on the context and his tone of voice here, it strongly implied that he was remembering some specific traumatic memory from his past regarding sexual consent.

(Japanese Translation) Mercedes: And many women have approached you, targeting your Crest. ...I won't ask what happened. But I have a feeling that deep down in your heart, you hate and fear women...

Mercedes could tell that Sylvain didn't just hate women; he was afraid of them. She knew that something traumatic probably happened to him that he didn't want to talk about. I think he was probably taken advantage of at a young age by an older woman who was trying to get pregnant with a Crest baby. She forced herself on him and he didn't feel like he was capable of saying no.

Felix: And you never consider how your actions hurt others…or how you hold them back. Sylvain: That's never my intention. Come on, you know me better than that. I'm not really—Look, if that's the impression I've given you, then I'm sorry.

Sylvain was totally unapologetic about how his womanizing affected Ingrid. And he didn't care about hurting any of the girls he pumped and dumped. But he was very apologetic to Felix for hurting his feelings. The localizers seemed to be aware that there was supposed to be a connection between Sylvain's C-Support with Felix...

Sylvain: You think I'd cheat? On you, baby? Never. Come on, you should know me better than that. You're the only one for me. I swear.

...And his C-Support with Byleth. He apparently expected Felix to know him better than that to think he'd ever really cheat on him, even as he flirted with girls right in front of him. Which is an... unusual way for him to approach their relationship. But survivors of childhood sexual abuse often cope by engaging in sexual promiscuity.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: I mean, being dumped or dumping someone, it's a common story, isn't it?

Sylvain tried to downplay it in their B-Support, but he was very hurt after getting dumped by Felix in their C-Support. He was not expecting Felix to apologize to him and truly thought it was over between them. And he seemed to be taking the pain of that breakup out on the village girl he dumped in his C-Support with Byleth.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: That girl too, just because there was another woman, there shouldn't be a reason to get that angry.

CSA can distort a person's understanding of love and intimacy. It can create a split between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, making it difficult for them to experience love and sex as interconnected. Sylvain did not inherently associate sex with love. So, he truly didn't understand why his casual flings would be considered cheating or why it would even make Felix jealous or angry.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: Sigh… Seeing the pained expression of a cute girl, it's hard to handle. (Option 1) Byleth: It doesn't look like it. Sylvain: No, no, it's really hard. I'm still pretty depressed about this. (Option 2) Byleth: Really? (Male Byleth) Sylvain: Ah, it really is painful. I feel like I might collapse on my knees any moment now. …Well then, Professor, they say the best way to heal from this kind of love pain is a new love, right? How about going out with me for a bit? Let's go woo some girls together! (Female Byleth) Sylvain: It's obviously hard, isn't it? ...Professor, you can comfort me if you want. Oh, the other day, I got some good tea leaves! How about it, in my room...

Sylvain didn't love any of the girls he slept with. But he was using his hook ups as a way to fill the void of true love and intimacy.

Ingrid: When you were fifteen, you sought—relentlessly, might I add—to involve yourself with Lord Gwendal's daughter.

CSA blurs the survivor's understanding of healthy boundaries. Sylvain did not want to get married. In fact, he said that he would have run away if he had the courage. But he had no say in the matter. Some survivors may develop hypersexual behaviors as a way to regain control over their bodies. It can be a way to exert power in situations where they had previously felt powerless. By being sexually active on their own terms, they might reclaim a sense of agency.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: I just picked up that girl from around here. I thought we'd just have some fun and then go our separate ways. But it seems like she ended up getting more attached to me than I expected. Man, what a hassle. Byleth: You're too frivolous. Sylvain: What are you talking about, Professor? This kind of casual fun is the most comfortable for me. …Well, no matter what you think, I have no intention of changing my ways. You see, even though I'm a good-for-nothing, I'm still a noble with a Crest… I try to avoid getting too involved. It only brings trouble. Eventually, I'll be quietly married off to someone suitable, and that'll be the end of it.

Abuse can severely impact a person's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Some survivors may engage in promiscuous behavior as a way to seek validation or affection. Sylvain believed he was a good-for-nothing and doubted whether he was worthy of love. His sexual conquests were also a way to combat his poor self-esteem.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: If by any chance a child without a Crest is born, that generation is just given up on… But generally, the head of the family keeps having children until one with a Crest is born. Then, the child with the Crest becomes the next head and repeats the same thing. You understand? For commoner girls, someone like me is easy prey. Byleth: That's not a nice way to put it... Sylvain: Even if you say that... Should I say that it's a good stepping-stone to becoming a noble?

Survivors may find it hard to believe that others have good intentions, fearing that getting close to someone will lead to betrayal or harm. Sylvain assumed that every girl who showed interest had an ulterior motive. In the English version of his B-Support with Byleth, he lamented how girls viewed him as a trophy and a studhorse.

In Japanese, he was even more cynical. "格好の獲物" (kakkou no emono) literally translates to "prime catch" or "ideal prey." It is often used to describe someone that is seen as an easy or attractive target, whether in a literal hunting sense or in a metaphorical sense, such as someone being an easy victim for exploitation, manipulation, or attack. The phrase can carry a negative connotation, implying that the person is vulnerable or easy to take advantage of.

(English) Sylvain: If I marry a girl and she gives birth to a child with a Crest, that kid might become the next head of House Gautier. (Japanese Translation) Sylvain: If they can have a child with a Crest, that child might become the next head of the family.

The original Japanese version of this sentence didn't mention marriage. Nobility status is granted to any child who bears a Crest, regardless of whether they're a bastard. And so, a commoner woman wouldn't even need to marry Sylvain to benefit from his blood. All she would need to do is sleep with him and become pregnant with a child who bears the Crest of Gautier.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: Well, nowadays with our diluted blood, most of what's born are guys like my older brother, though… Crest-bearers have always been both envied and desired by people. I understand the value of my blood, in my own way. …To the point of disgust.

I don't think the girls that Sylvain was hooking up with in his Byleth Supports were using him. They seemed genuinely hurt by his behavior. But it would not be too farfetched to believe that Sylvain had an encounter with a female sexual predator in the past.

(Japanese Translation) Ingrid: …And stop making jokes like that guy did about being fine with dying.

Engaging in promiscuous behavior often involves taking risks. It can even be a form of self-harm like cutting. After making advances on Lord Gwendal's daughter, Sylvain was almost killed by her father. And he not only expected to get stabbed eventually, but he did not care if he did. He just laughed and joked that it would be fine if he died.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: It's fine, as long as you're okay… If you're alive, then I…

I'm sure that Sylvain was not really joking here. Engaging in promiscuous behavior is also a way to dissociate from one's emotions. As children, Felix and Sylvain had made a promise that they would always be together until they died together. Sylvain knew he was going to be forced into an arranged marriage after graduation. Apparently, he didn't want to have "the talk" with Felix and deal with a painful breakup. He only allowed himself to engage in casual relationships because he wouldn't feel bad about dumping them later. He was unable to be with the person he really wanted, so he slept around to avoid dealing with his pain.

[sh1-n0bu]

HELLO HELLOOO I was just wondering if I could ask if you could do a

Kaeya or Thoma ORR Diluc x Self destructive reader? Maybe any genshin character but whenever my mind goes to angst my mind automatically goes to Kaeya and Diluc LMAO

And basically Reader has a hard time expressing feelings and finds comfort in their lowest so they are seen as reserved

And Kaeya or (Character) tries their very best to help them despite reader rejecting their affections and worries But Kaeya or (Character) loves them too much to let go so they just stay by Reader's side

You can add more or plan the rest of the story but right now that's all I could explain

One last if I could ask I'd like to be Banananon/ 🍌 Anon

Besides that have a great time! Your works are amazing 🫶

✿ 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 ✿

characters: kaeya, diluc and thoma x nb!reader

warnings: angst, comfort, reader daydreams a lot, mentions of self harm and healed scars

notes: what the reader is going through and their description of self destructive thoughts, actions and behaviors are all greatly influenced by my own not so great moments. if such topics are triggering to you then please scroll past or continue with caution. i hope you’re all doing well in this dark times. i love you and thank you for being here

as the sole survivor of his family and the one given the task to be his destroyed home nation’s one and only hope, the cavalry captain has his own dark moments

definitely did used to self harm as well. it only worsened after his fight with diluc and crepus’ death

and seeing you, his closest companion, lover, his light and life, his dark days and pillar suffer through the same things makes him want to curl up on the floor and wail until there’s nothing left in him

will sit you down and have a nice long talk with you. it can range from your self destructive habits, self harm scars, bad coping mechanisms to even the gossips the cavalry captain had heard or shared with lisa, how diluc’s hair seemed a bit more trimmed today at angel’s share, how the cats at cat’s tail was seemingly more affectionate etc etc

anything you want to talk about, kaeya’s here

scars, relapses or even a new stimming you’ve got, he notices the second he sees it. he may have one eye but he’s keen on noticing the smallest, minute detail that is changed

but if you don’t wish to talk about it or don’t hint anything to him then it’s okay. kaeya can wait but please don’t take too long until you have completely destroyed your own self beyond recognition. he can’t carry the guilt and regret

if you have been relapsing too much then kaeya will have no other choice but to sit you down and talk about it

he will even come to a compromise to quit his alcohol addiction and learn to live again with you, together

if he comes back from his work to see you feeling down in the dumps, prepare yourself to be wrapped up in the biggest fluffy blanket like a burrito and given cuddles and smooches mwah mwah mwah mwah (¯ ³¯)♡

“there there, darling. we’ll go through this together”

another person who has self harmed in the past

personally speaking, i think he used to self harm in a deprivation type of way especially during his time when hunting the fatui harbingers in the merciless eternal winter clad nation of shneznaya

depriving himself of food, water, hygiene, sleep, the basic human necessities to survive

so after the whole hunting harbingers thing is over and the wine tycoon comes back to mondstadt, diluc’s trying his best and starts to let go of his self harming habits, actions etc

in the present time when he sees you, his lover, the dawn to his dark side, the apple of his eye and his most cherished person doing the same things he used to do - it pains him immeasurably

diluc is a straightforward person. if there’s something he doesn’t like he says it, shows it without wasting a single second

but this. this was an incredibly sensitive and a hard topic for anyone to talk about or mention

so he decides to wait for you to say something or even give him the smallest of hints first. however don’t take too long because if diluc sees you continuing to be self destructive then he’s taking things into his own hands

will bring up about the topic on a warm night, when the two of you are cuddling close to each other under the blankets as the fire in the fireplace crackles softly

the atmosphere is soft, silent and comfortable with the smell of your cups filled with hot cocoa wafts through the air. this is when diluc gently brings up the topic

will patiently wait until you wrap your mind around things and answer him. even then the uncrowned king will stay quiet, taking in every words, every names, every breath and sighs you produce with a gentle squeeze to your intertwined hands

when you’re finished opening up to him, diluc will place down both of your cups on the nightstand of the bed and pull you in for a cuddle. you can cry if you want to, he will soothingly rub shapes and sizes into your shoulder with a low hum to soothe you

“it’s alright, my love. you’re safe now. here, with me”

first of all

yes my skrunkly (you), you can marry the puppy vibed blonde fictional man you saw on your device screen. mama nobu approves, he looks like a green flag

anyways, with that shit out of the way

green flag. seriously. just green flag all over

thoma has personally never experienced or committed any self deprecating, harming or destroying actions, thoughts or whatsoever

he does have bad days but that’s it. bad days. he likes to stay enthusiastic about life and living in general so he simply sits down, takes a breather, maybe pay a visit to the stray cats and dogs he looks after in inazuma city before continuing

when thoma first notices your scars whether they’re healed or not, or even sees your self destructive habits such as not eating when your stomach is grumbling, tugging on your hair harshly, peeling the skin around your nails - thoma instantly reaches his hands out and envelopes yours in his own

with a soft voice, the housekeeper would envelop both of your hands in his before looking into your eyes with the most saddest kicked puppy look

will ask you if you’re okay first and foremost before holding your hand and walking back home together. on the way he will buy you some of your favorite treats, drinks, point out a newly opened shop, a new vendor etc etc

when home, thoma would make a nice chamomile tea before sitting down with you on the chabudai. first will start with the small little talks about what happened during his time at the kamisato’s, a cute cat he saw and will eventually slowly drift into your habits

he will be here with you through thick and thin. you’re his pudding after all but before that you are your own person and you deserve to live

“sweettums… i will always be here with you through anything and everything okay?”

[dangermousie]

Best kdrama you have probably never heard of - Someday (2006)

"I can't breathe because my heart is filled with thoughts of you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

Answering the ask about my perfect kdramas made me think of and want to make a pusher post for the most underrated drama on that list Someday, starring Bae Doona, Lee Jin Wook, Kim Min Joon and Oh Yoon Ah.

When she was 17, Hana (Bae Doona), a Korean brought up in Japan by her grandmother, won a prestigious award and was launched on a career as a popular manga artist in Japan. The same day Hana was launched on her path to popularity and fame, Seokman (Lee Jin Wook) was having the worst day of his life -- he and his family were involved in a car crash, leaving him the only survivor. Fast forward three years or so and the paths of Hana, now a well-known mangaka who is facing a creative drought, and Seokman, now a sort of a missing-persons detective, are about to collide.

This is both an old drama (2006) and also one released on OCN back when it was just starting, so even back when I originally watched it 15 years ago, it was not well known. It's such a pity - this one is on my Top 10 kdramas list of all time for a reason. There are so many reasons as to why this deserves to be better known - it has a delicious off-beat vibe and in some ways it reminds me on an old school jdrama with its realistic feel and its meditation on life; but it retains old school kdrama strengths of romance and suffering and gorgeous cinematography. Its love story, which made me cry and cry and then grin like a lunatic and hug my pillows - it's so unexpected and sneaks up on you and then grabs and refuses to let go. Its stories of alienation and connections and families lost and found and made. Its laid-back charm which lures you in until you, all relaxed, are whacked with the darkness at the core, and are left gasping for breath (full disclosure - this drama made me cry more than once.)

It is also a chance for you to see some wonderful performances. The always sublime Bae Doona is well...sublime, as the quirky Hana who has locked her capacity for warmth and caring far away due to childhood loss - when the story starts she is almost an alien dropped among those weird humans - curious, exploratory, and oh-so-different. One of the biggest pleasures of the drama is to watch her learn to become fully human - to feel compassion, to feel love. Lee Jin Wook is one of my huge kdrama crushes and he doesn't disappoint, playing his character with so much sweetness that you get lulled into a false sense of security and don't realize just how much damage and despair Seokman has inside, until you are confronted with it, and then go "of course - it all makes sense now." His chemistry with Bae Doona is just so pitch-perfect - their whole relationship is so full of discovery and hope and tentativeness for both of them. You can't help but root for these two very damaged people to work it out and heal each other. She has no emotions but he has no hope or self-worth - and the biggest pleasure for me was to watch both of them recover what they lack. The drama Someday reminds me of most is my favorite twdrama, Mars - the two horribly damaged protagonists with vastly different coping mechanisms make each other better. It goes dark sometimes, terribly dark, but ultimately it's the story of new beginnings and of hope.

Kim Min Joon and Oh Yoon Ah are not secondary characters in this - every member of the quartet (and they are not really a love quartet in the usual sense) is equally important. If Hana and Seokman are horribly wounded children, both KMJ and OYA play grown-ups. If you are expecting a typical older kdrama evil secondary girl, you are in for a disappointment. OYA's Hae Young is the sanest, best person in the quartet, and the one most in touch with her feelings, which include her unrequited love for her best friend Jin Pyo (KMJ). And speaking of Kim Min Joon - he plays perhaps the most controversial character in this - a psychiatrist who gloms onto Hana as a representation of his fanboy fantasies, not a real woman (he does not get to know the real Hana the way Seokman does) and who is the one most in control and delights in manipulation. But I ended up liking him nonetheless - in a way, he was caught in a bubble as much as Hana was, only this bubble was of his own willful making.

My favorite scene? Because I am a sadist, it's the sequence leading to Seokman's suicide attempt (it's either that or he gets done in, due to the debts) - his counting how many minutes he has left and getting his math wrong, his visiting the hospital and tying up all the loose ends, his scene on the river bank with Hana, his suicide attempt itself, when he walks off limping and muttering "stupid stupid stupid" not able to think of anything but that he failed.

This drama is SO GOOD and SO UNDERRATED and really should be watched.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Because all of the boys have severe PTSD, I like to imagine how they each cope with it (and help each other cope).

In previous posts, I've noticed that Epic deals with trauma by avoiding and dismissing it. He struggles with facing the fear head on because he doesn't want himself or others to get hurt again, so he runs away and downplays it to others don't get concerned because he can't deal with their emotions, much less his own.

Color often has panic attacks and tries his best to prevent the traumatic event from repeating. He struggles with the fear of his trauma repeating, insecure and afraid of others, and yet trusts them anyways due to his good nature. He and Delta take turns sharing the role of the 'therapist friend'.

Delta has two ways of coping; isolation avoidance, and doing everything they possibly can to prevent anyone from experiencing the trauma that they went through, no matter the cost. He struggles most with survivor's guilt because he refuses to accept that sometimes, people are just meant to die and not be saved, but if he admits that, then that means it was no one's fault - and he'd rather believe that they died in spite of trying to be saved rather than admit that sometimes, you really just can't save everyone. He does not cope well with failure, even if he didn't fail the person who died.

In short, they all care too much about saving others to the point where they forget to save themselves, too.

However, during flashbacks, depending on what it's about, these things might change.

For Epic, I think that if he had a flashback (maybe about a nightmare or something idk), his first instinct would be panic, and then he'd switch to what he always does during nightmares. He'd try to fight it. It would be very hard to snap him out of it, and harder to calm him down, no matter how much he denies it and tries to play it off once it's done.

For Color, he will most likely have a panic attack, but it might also make him aggressive, depending on what triggered him. Like if his friends accidentally left him alone for a long period of time, he'd most likely have flashbacks to his abandonment, and that would most likely cause a panic attack. But once his friends get back, he may grow angry and snap at them for leaving without saying anything, and then might have another panic attack from the idea that they might have forgot to say something. However, once he's calmed down, he'd probably apologize for snapping and they'd apologize for leaving.

For Delta, I like to imagine that he gets incredibly aggressive. If he has flashbacks to when he had to fight for someone (or himself), he will become violent and both physically and magically attack the person he thinks he's fighting, which could seriously hurt his friends if they're near him. However, once he's calmed down and out of it, he will have a guilt-attack (a panic attack from guilt) and try to heal them while also staying away from them so as to not scare or hurt them anymore. He will not let them near him. It will take a very long time for him to trust himself around them again, and he will isolate.

Thoughts?

I think I don’t know what to say because you said it all so well and amazingly that I just agree with it. I absolutely love it.

I really like thinking of ways the trio might help eachother cope from their respective traumas and neurodivergence’s—such as overstimulation, shutdowns and meltdown.

And I mentioned before how I think Delta likes deep pressure, so giving Delta weighted blankets or vests can help ground him during episodes of distress, offering a sense of security and comfort.

Gentle pressure massages can help soothe and ground Delta when he’s overwhelmed, if he’s comfortable with touch at the moment.

Delta could benefit from engaging his senses to stay present. Using calming scents (like lavender), soothing sounds (soft music or white noise), and textures (soft fabrics) can help him stay grounded.

Techniques like holding onto something solid (like a stress ball or a comforting object) can help him focus on the present moment. Maybe he has certain item he finds comforting, similar to the way Delta carries around a small toy for Beta. (I like to think Beta is actually obsessed with The Lion King, so the toy is a little stuffy of Mufasa.)

Zorox can also help by offering a calming presence by staying close to Delta, providing physical contact like leaning against him or resting his head on Delta’s lap. The pup’s presence can be soothing and reassuring, helping Delta feel less isolated during his distress.

Zorox can also be trained to perform specific actions, like nudging or licking Delta, to help interrupt and ground him during a flashback.

As Beta shares a body and mind with Delta, they can provide emotional support by offering reassurance and understanding, helping to ground Delta in the present moment. And helping walk him through grounding techniques when he struggles to remember.

They can also engage in calming activities together, such as listening to soothing music or practicing relaxation exercises, can help both Beta and Delta manage their stress. Maybe they’ll watch a favorite movie together.

Beta can also help monitor Delta’s reactions and communicate with him during moments of distress, helping him recognize when he needs to take specific actions to calm down.

And whenever Delta just can’t do it, is exhausted or too overwhelmed to handle the external world at the moment and just needs to be alone, he and Beta can switch places until he’s ready to.

Which is a concerning thing for Color and Epic of course, to know that their friend is hurting that badly, but they both instead just take the opportunity to spend time with Beta.

Neither want to get involved in how Delta and Beta manage things between themselves unless specifically asked for help or advice, and neither want to send the idea that they prefer one over the other.

For helping Color calm down, it’d probably be different for if he’s having a flashback/panic attack or if he’s having a meltdown/shutdown.

For a panic attack, I don’t think he’d like being alone, but he’d also be even more sensitive to sounds or touch or stimulation. Touching him after a panic attack can send him straight into a meltdown sometimes.

For a panic attack or a flashback, just having his friends quietly nearby is a great help. I’d think he’d be highly sensitive to being ignored, because he’ll fear he’s being forgotten again, so of course Epic and Delta make an effort to include him always.

They often use ASL a lot, the three of them I think.

For a shutdown or a meltdown, I feel Color would need to be alone and have quiet even if he doesn’t want to be alone. So instead he goes somewhere quiet, alone, with a comfort item/stim toy and some photographs of himself and his friends. So he knows they’re all still nearby.

For Epic, redirecting or distraction would probably be very appreciated by him—with Color and Delta doing things like redirecting his attention to puzzles and memes for a bit. Maybe puzzles are a common activity if in the Epic Sanses’ friend group.

For Epic, I feel like theres an established comforting routine they all go through. I feel like trying to make Epic seriously discuss what he isn’t ready to or comfortable doing would only push him away if not make the source of his panic attack worse.

I feel like Color and Delta would let Epic know that they’re always there for him and willing to talk when he’s ready, but will not push him into something he doesn’t want.

[hotmonkeelove]

Dear Fellow Utena Fans,

I am really ashamed to be part of the Utena fandom here. Seriously, I can't turn around without seeing people saying, "Saionji and Touga's abusive behaviour is because they were in denial that they're gay for each other." That is not funny, nor insightful, nor realistic. I'll tell you what it is, though. It's fucking homophobic! I am sick of it! RGU's appeal is largely due to its themes of queer acceptance, but you people can't even learn from it! You just promote hateful, dated stereotypes, because "Huh-huh, that's funny!"

The terrible ways Saionji and Touga are shown treating people has nothing to do with their sexual orientations, whatever those may or may not be. It's all to do repeating a cycle of abuse they have both fallen victim to. Touga has been sexually abused most of his life (likely by more than one perpetrator). He copes by acting out this sexual abuse on his best friend, attempting to abuse his sister, and his compulsive promiscuity. Touga also manipulates and back-stabs those around him, thinking it makes him superior to others, i.e. no longer a victim. Saionji copes with Touga sexually abusing him and betraying their friendship by lashing out at anyone who angers him. He is particularly abusive to Anthy, as he thinks that as the Rose Bride, she has no feelings. (In fairness, Anthy has also convinced herself she has no feelings, and actively goads him into hurting her, at Akio's behest, to lure Utena into the duels.)

If you ship Touga and Saionji, fine, that's great! Go right ahead. There is certainly a lot of angst/ tearjerker potential there, with them working to rebuild their broken friendship and overcome the horrible trauma they've been through. They're both in need of a lot of healing, which could develop into romantic feelings for each other, as well as a redemption arc. However, claiming they're abusive because they're gay and trying to downplay the abuse they, themselves, suffered, is just a load of bullshit.

This stupid joke/ theory is insulting to not only the queer community, but also abuse survivors. (And yes, I fall into both those groups.) Being gay doesn't make anyone an abuser, nor does being abused by someone of the same gender make a person gay. I shouldn't even have to say that, let alone twice on my blog, but idiots...

[green-eyedfirework]

Whumptober 2024 Masterlist

Whumping season is upon us! 🖤🧡🖤🧡 Prompts are currently closed, I'll see you all in October!

No. 1: RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK Search Party | Panic Attack | "If only we could hold on.”

broken mirrors

No. 2: TRUST ISSUES Amusement Park | Role Reversal | “You got away with the crime while the knife's in my back.”

wind blows

No. 3: SET UP FOR FAILURE Fingerprints | Wrongfully Arrested | "I warned you."

side of the angels

No. 4: HALLUCINATIONS Hypnosis | Sensory Deprivation | “You're still alive in my head.”

broken mirrors

No. 5: SUNBURN Healing Salve | Heatstroke | "If my pain will stretch that far."

alpha's price

No. 6: NOT REALISING THEY'RE INJURED Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms | Healed Wrong | "It's not my blood."

slipping

No. 7: ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES Unconventional Weapon | Magic with a Cost | "It's us or them."

silver bird

No. 8: SLEEP DEPRIVATION Isolation Chamber | Forced to Stay Awake | "Leave the lights on."

close haul

No. 9: OBSESSION Broken Window | Bruises | “Frame me up on the wall, just to keep me out of trouble.”

crumpled paper

No. 10: BLOW TO THE HEAD Slurred Words | Passing Out from Pain | "I can't think straight."

siren call me

No. 11: SEEING DOUBLE Convenience Store | Loneliness | “Leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist.”

gemini

No. 12: STARVATION Underground Caverns | Cannibalism | "Just a little more."

caught

No. 13: TEAM AS A FAMILY Familial Curse | Multiple Whumpees | "Death will do us part."

silver bird

No. 14: LEFT FOR DEAD Hunting Gear | Blackmail | “Because I want you to know what it feels like to be haunted”

unmarked

No. 15: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA Painful Hug | Moment of Clarity | "I did good, right?"

teeter

No. 16: NECROSIS Swamp | Wound Cleaning | "No, I can't feel anything."

unmarked

No. 17: NOWHERE ELSE TO GO Ruined Map | Shipwrecked | "We had a good run."

safe passage

No. 18: REVENGE Unreliable Narrator | Loss of Identity | “I see what's mine and take it.”

deliverance

No. 19: BLOOD TRAIL Abandoned Cabin | One Way Out | "Is there anybody alive out there?"

bystander

No. 20: EMOTIONAL ANGST Shoulder to Cry On | Giving Permission to Die | "It's not your fault."

an heir for an heir

No. 21: BODY HORROR Body Horror | Tattoo Gun | Spirit Possession | “Let the bedsheet soak up the tears.”

wouldn't wish it

No. 22: BLEEDING THROUGH BANDAGES Tourniquet | Reopening Wounds | "Oh that's not good."

crumpled paper

No. 23: FORCED CHOICE Public Display | Broken Pedestal | "I'm doing this for you."

plunder

No. 25: SURGERY Stitches | Being Monitored | "It's for your own good."

plus sign

No. 26: NIGHTMARES Breakfast Table | Parting Words of Regret | “I'm haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated.”

virtue is truest nobility

No. 27: VOICELESS Laboratory | Muzzled | “I have no mouth and I must scream.”

deliverance

No. 28: DENIAL CCTV | Exposure | "They caught me red handed."

scape

No. 29: FATIGUE Labyrinth | Burnout | "Who said you could rest?"

through a glass darkly

No. 30: RECOVERY Hospital Bed | Holding Back Tears | "What have I done?"

virtue is truest nobility

No. 31: ASKING FOR HELP Therapy | Making Amends | "I'm alive, I'm just not well."

wedlock

Alt 2. Communication Barrier

ribbons

Alt 9. Secrets Revealed

in the middle

Alt 10. Shivering

in the middle

Alt 11. Survivor's Guilt

the best revenge

[modern-inheritance]

The Modern Inheritance Whimsical Whumps of Winter

Pick a prompt and I'll do my best to whip up a short or story within 3 days! Can be sent via ask, reblog, or private message and I'll post it!

I'll be leaving the option for this open until January 31st! Once a fill is completed, I'll remove it from the open list and add it to the filled list at the bottom.

Have at it! Please.

Open

Flight

Childhood trauma (Fäolin)

Nightmares (Eragon)

Shadows

Shackled

Healed wrong

Stitches (Eragon)

Who said you could rest?

All I hear are screams (Glen)

Stronger (Eragon and Saphira)

Ice and Heat

Childhood trauma (Glenwing)

Reopening wounds

This is gonna suck

It's not your fault (Arya to Glen)

Hunger

Soft targets

Coughing up blood

Withdrawal (Moments)

Failure (Brom)

Blow to the head

Touch starved (Glen)

Nightmares (Arya)

Bleeding through bandages (Brom)

Safe and warm (Eragon and Saphira)

It's not your fault (Rhunon to Brom)

Bleeding through bandages (Glen)

Setback

Wound cleaning

Get it out

Monody (Arya and Fäolin)

What's my name?

Back from the dead

Awake

Survivors Guilt (Spin the wheel of fucked up MIC guilt webs!)

It's not your fault (Saphira to Eragon)

Slurred words

Bruises

Fire (OG Elf Squad)

Muffled screams

When you really can't get up

Oh, that's not good

It's not your fault (Saphira to Arya)

Bedside vigil

Again!

Lost Time (Brom and Eragon)

Withdrawal (Islanzadi)

No, I can't feel anything

Kindred spirits, in some weird, fucked up way

Solitary

Make the Guilt Web a reality

It's not your fault (Eragon to Brom)

I hate goodbyes

Starvation

It's not your fault (Arya to Glen)

Let us treat him, please

Unhealthy coping mechanisms

Stitches (Arya)

Rage (Brom)

Amends

Denial (Islanzadi, Oromis and Glaedr)

It's not your fault (Brom to Islanzadi)

Passing out from pain

Move the goalposts

I'll wait for you (Glen and Arya)

Our Song (Islanzadí and Evandar)

Abandoned

Touch starved (Arya)

To the limit

Nightmares (Brom)

Withdrawal (Eragon and Saphira)

Lost Time

It's not your fault (Glen to Arya)

Bleeding through bandages (Eragon)

It's not your fault (Glen to Arya)

Hanging

It's not your fault (Arya to Islanzadi)

It's not your fault (Saphira to Glen)

Rope burned wrists

Rest now

I've always been a little cracked

Being monitored

Stop please

Waking up restrained

Flare up

Sensory overload

Nightmares (Glen)

Just breathe

Muffled screams (Eragon)

Childhood trauma (Eragon)

Phantom pain

Fine and Alright are two very different things around here

Failure (war timeline)

It's not your fault (Arya to Eragon)

Bleeding through bandages (Saphira's Observations of them all)

Before you (Eragon and Arya)

Panic attack

Painful hug

Coat

You're still alive in my head

Stitches (Brom)

Touch starved (Eragon)

I can't think straight

It's us or them

Tattoos

Another Me

Rage (Saphira)

Some days, everything hurts, and you just can't do anything about it

Phantom itch

Fever (Eragon)

Childhood trauma (Arya)

Stitches (Glen giving)

Hallucinations

Delirium

It's not your fault (Arya to Rhunon)

Stitches (Glen receiving)

Falling from the sky

I've got you

No more

Hunting gear

All I hear are screams (Brom)

It's not your fault (Saphira to Brom)

Failure (pre-Eragon)

Unconventional weapon

Choose

Fire

Mirror box

Burnout

Not realized they're injured

Fever

Left for dead

Bleeding through bandages (Arya)

Sorry that was instinct

Necrosis

Just a little more

When the sun goes out

It's not your fault (Brom to Eragon)

Withdrawal (Oromis and Glaedr) *

Wristwatch

Flatline

It's not your fault (Islanzadi to Arya)

Fatigue

Chronic pain

Muzzled

Unfortunate encounter

Secrets beneath the streets (Arya and Firnen, on hold till I finish Murtagh)

Freefall

Uneasy (Any of the Chaos Trio of Dragon Riders and their partners

First flight (Arya and Firnen)

Nightmares (Murtagh)

Because if you die, then EVERYTHING will have been for NOTHING

In the Works

Nightmares (Murtagh) Because if you die, then EVERYTHING will have been for NOTHING

Filled

Nightmares (Eragon)/"It's not your fault." (Arya to Eragon)

[ouppyjamie]

mentioned this in my royjamie fic but i love learning about the relationship between trauma and BDSM. first important to acknowledge that enjoyment of BDSM is not conditional on trauma and trauma does not cause an interest in BDSM but there has been research into how trauma relates to BDSM

this article in particular was really interesting in looking at how survivors of childhood trauma use BDSM to “heal from, cope with, and transform childhood abuse or adolescent maltreatment”

some of the themes they found were cultural context of healing (using bdsm and therapy to reframe kink and trauma), restructuring self-concept (self-image), liberation through relationship (learning to be valued by intimate others), reclaiming power (setting and maintaining boundaries), and redefining pain (transcending painful memories through masochism)

*this is getting long so jamie / royjamie interpretation under the break*

i think this is super fascinating when looking at jamie since he canonically was abused by his father and seems to engage in kink on-screen (puppy play with keeley, EVERYTHING he has going on with roy)

i know others have probably said this before but i think BDSM and kink would genuinely be very healing for jamie! like kink itself is not a substitute for therapy but it can be helpful in the aforementioned themes

just pulling some more stuff from the article, having safewords is a prime example of having control and it is such an important aspect of safe kink that when someone wants to stop, their wish will be honoured. and we can see with jamie how this is not something he gets with his dad (repeated “don’t speak to me like that” yet his dad doesn’t stop)

also looking at restructuring self-concept, we have jamie specifically acknowledge how much he hated his dad calling him soft and we see his dad calling him a bitch when he tries to set boundaries. i think if jamie were to engage in a BDSM relationship with roy, name calling and degradation would be something they would have to be very careful with but it could also help jamie change his perception of those words and thus himself (like ideal scenario for me is roy calling him soft but in a super fond voice or just praising him in general) i also think feminization would be fun for them and a nice way for jamie to reshape what it means to be soft or girly or ��weak”

since BDSM requires a lot of trust, it can allow a person to let go if they feel safe in their partner’s hands. we see jamie really listen to roy when they start their personal training since he knows roy is doing what is best for him (besides almost getting his dick ripped off lol) so i think this would translate well into a kink relationship with jamie as the submissive partner since he trusts roy to take care of him

being able to set boundaries that are respected is also really important, something he doesn’t get from his dad (“i’d rather them not” repeated). being able to set limits that roy respects would let him reclaim a sense of power

repurposing behaviours i think would play into the physical abuse jamie experienced, so being able to “re-enact” that in a sense with someone he trusts could help recontextualize that, especially since these experiences are about centering pleasure which can actually help survivors “salvage their bodies” and view that as a vehicle for pleasure, thus redefining pain

plus, aftercare would definitely fulfill jamie’s desire to be taken care of and pampered

i think engaging in kink and bdsm (specifically masochism, praise, power exchange, bondage, puppy play, and more) with roy would be very therapeutic and also a lot of fun for both of them!!

[alpaca-clouds]

Relationships and Healing

(Or: The entire thing about healing sex)

⚠️ CW: Rape, forced prostitution ⚠️

You know what? I cannot resist the chance our dear traumatized vampire provides to talk about aspect, that I personally do care a lot about in my writing.

Especially because I saw it discussed in several blogs here. So I just want to talk a bit about my reading and in general with how I deal with the topic when I am writing about. Not only in this fandom, but other fandoms as well. (Will probably also talk about Castlevania a bit further down.)

So, if you have read any of my Tav/Astarion stuff, you might notice that there is sexy things happening - but no sex.

Now, I now a lot of folks read Astarion as ace, but I don't. I read him mostly as just carrying around too much sexual trauma to fully be able to enjoy sex. Because, well. He carries nearly 200 years of sexual trauma. Depending on your dialogue choices (and whether or not you do the romance), he talks about it a bit. How he tried to tell himself that it would not be so bad, if he went for the pretty people, how he might even enjoy it. But of course it ended up very much not working.

A small tangent here: I do kinda appreciate this to some degree. Because it is a surprisingly sensitive portrayal of this. A lot of rape survivors get actually told that they should be happy because "Pretty Person" had sexual interest in them. See also: Celebrity rape cases. (Also, I really do appreciate that they allowed a man to have this backstory, because male sexual abuse gets so often ignored in media or played for laughs.)

Of course it is not only the sexual trauma with him. I mean, this poor man has all the trauma. Literally all of it. Which makes this even more complicated.

So, yeah. I think him holding back on sex is very much that for him sex is equivalent to having his body used. It is not really clear what his life was like before Cazador, but it seems pretty clear that for the last nearly 200 years his experiences with sex were always negative. To him sex is not a thing that happens between two people who want to enjoy it, but a thing that is forced upon him or at best a thing to archive a goal of some sorts. And that is without even going so far and consider sex for love or anything, of which there is a good chance that he never had it, given he was still fairly young when he was turned.

We see that in his behavior, too. When he goes to seduce Tav (or whoever you play as), he does this, because in his mind there is no way that someone is going to help him without payment. Because for 200 years nobody has helped him. And the only payment he knows is paying with his body.

Its also why I find the "sex on his grave" scene a bit sus, because to me it very much reads as him not having a proper coping mechanism to deal with all the feelings he is experiencing after killing Cazador. Because till that point he has coped through snark and through being a general asshole, and now he does not need to do that anymore... and he does not quite know how else to deal.

So, yeah. I decided to have him struggle with all of that. Because it is an experience that a lot of rape survivors have. That they want to have sex again, but somehow their mind just won't allow them. Because whenever they are in a sexual situation, a part of them just goes back into panic mode. Sex itself becomes basically a trigger for the PTSD. (And let's face it. Astarion has not PTSD, but C-PTSD.)

And I just think... He is gonna need a bit time to heal, before he actually is gonna be able to enjoy sex.

I might note, that this is also the reason why I find it a bit sad, that there are very few scenes of him actually interacting with the other characters on the team (outside of the idle banter), because what he needs, too, is friends. Just positive humanoid interaction. I mean, it is a good scene that in whoever you might play as he has a good friend/romantic partner, but... he also just needs more friends.

This kinda brings me over to the other aspect in general: The concept of healing sex or healing through relationships. Which is... a complicated topic, really.

A lot of people keep saying that "healing sex is a thing that only works in fanfiction/media", but I am gonna respectfully disagree with this. Now, of course, physical wounds will not heal through sex (though there is some research that suggest that healing might be quickened just a bit due to hormons and stuff), but for some trauma survivors it actually has a healing effect. Even for some rape survivors. Because for some people it works really well as "overwriting the bad memories with good ones" and to teach the nervous system that it is actually something you can be safe with.

While for others it does not work and might even be triggering.

Because, you know, trauma survivors are different and have different paths to healing.

The other bit is healing through a (romantic) relationship. Which is even more complicated. Because yes, if you have the right partner that definitely can work. But also, it does put a lot of emotional strain on that partner, because they gonna have to deal with all your emotional stuff at your worst moments. Which can make the relationship quite unhealthy, if not everyone is very aware about this.

(This kinda is why so many YA romances, especially straight romances, tend to be so messed up. Because you often have the very sad bad boy, who has this very sad backstory involving tons of trauma... and then a female main character, who has to deal with it. Because of course therapy is nothing that the bad boy ever would go to.)

It is also why I decided to handle my ships with Castlevania the way I did. In my stuff Adrian gets together with Trevor and Sypha only nine months after the end of the series, after having had some time to heal at least a bit before it. He still does need to do a lot of healing - and also needs to learn proper coping strategies - after that. But at least his mental wounds are not as raw any longer as they were by the end of season 4.

Meanwhile Hector and Isaac get together only two years post-canon, because in their case they both have a lot of healing and soul-searching to do until they are in any shape to have a meaningful romantic relationship. And yes, I also made a point out of bringing in Striga, specifically, as someone who is able to offer emotional support to them.

It should also be noted that I kinda do enjoy writing different trauma reactions within those characters. I gave Trevor a ton of sexual trauma (because he was a street kid and street kids usually tend to collect sexual trauma over time), but he is just very willing to latch on to people being good to him and basically use it to overwrite any bad memories he had. Meanwhile Adrian does have to deal with certain things in bed triggering him for a long while, with the trio kinda figuring out bit by bit what he is okay with and what not. And then, we have Hector. Who... takes about five years to actually admit that Lenore raped him and that he has quite a bit of trauma from that. Because it is a thing that actually happens: People only realizing that they are traumatized at a point, when they start to feel actually safe.

So, yeah. Just a few thoughts on this and how I read those characters and their trauma. And yeah, I absolutely do project my own trauma and healing onto some of them. (Especially Hector. I see so much of myself in him.)

And... uhm, I think this is the end of this blog post. If you are interested, please vote in my poll about what I should write for NaNoWriMo this year. The BG3 story would definitely involve some more stuff about Astarion's healing journey, while "His Story" would involve some healing with the forge masters. xD

[eeblouissant]

Catching up on new fics and need to say that I love how you used consent as this unspoken theme. I don't have a problem with other fics in the fandom, it's so cool that there's any fics at all still being made for a 40 year old show and I love what people are doing, so hopefully it doesn't come across that way but I feel like your Dorothy is truest to the show. And I really like how you explore her vulnerabilities but, if this makes any sense which it probably doesn't, in a loving way? Both in the tone of your writing, you can tell you care about the characters and their backgrounds, but also how she's always got a safety net with the others overall, so even if she breaks or falls she won't be left to hit rock bottom, but how that also means you can dig into those more traumatic themes and hints from canon and let her be less than angel or someone who needs those reassurances etc. Your fic that centers around Dorothy's smoking habit is one a constantly thing about that encapsulates all this, it's probably my fave fic for the whole fandom. not even 2000 words but there are so many layers and it's all so Dorothy and bittersweet and feels so true and it never feels rushed or forced or superficial.

anon 🥹🥹🥹 anon !!!!!! I’ve been smiling so much my face hurts !!!!!! Oh my god, you have absolutely no idea how much this all means to me, i don’t even know where to begin!!!!!! Thank you for the (very) happy cry :’) very very happy & very appreciative. I really can’t express just how much this means !!!

I can’t believe people have really seen beyond the surface of what I write (i thought I was insane, adding in so many layers but sorta kinda failing to articulate them properly, or so I thought? I was sure that I was kind of just living in my own head here 😅), but wow, it means the world to hear.

One of the shows biggest themes, and one of its most important imo, shows that women “of a certain age” can and do have healthy & active sex lives/a healthy relationship with sex. And while I’ve seen a good few (incredible 👀 by the way) fics talking about or portraying this between the girls, whether you seen them being platonic or romantic - i had yet to see fics touching on the topic while also displaying Dorothy’s trauma/how she would respond. The body always remembers, the mind may heal, and heal Dorothy has - but there will always be a sort of response, memories hidden just beneath the surface. I like to imagine it like crumpling up a piece of paper - you can unfold it and lay it flat, press it flat with a book if you like, but the wrinkles, those memories, will always be there. That piece of paper isn’t ruined, just wrinkled. A little more delicate. Dorothy’s just a little more delicate than the others. And that part of her is so so soooooo criminally underrepresented and glossed over imo. (Since we’re on the topic of vulnerability, everyone go read @/hecatesbroom’s essay on vulnerability in tgg RIGHT NOW !!!!!!!!! you will not be disappointed!!!!!! someone teach me how to link things neatly please 😭)

I don’t know if it means anything (or if this is too personal) but I write and speak about Dorothy as a survivor of very similar trauma, so I tend to project a little onto her (while also trying my best to stay true to her character, i have this thing about sticking to canon very strictly haha. But while I was working out my portrayal i definitely pulled from bits and pieces of my own healing journey). I like to take my negative experiences and use them in my art as a sort of coping mechanism, so at least I can make something good of them? Does that make sense?

Anyway - I’m really really glad that the consent theme has seemed to get through (to more than one person, too! ahh :’) ), and that it was clear there’re many more layers there. Dorothy is gentle, she really is so gentle. I think lots of us can be blinded by the facade she puts up, and I truly believe it is a facade - one very well perfected after years of putting up - but behind closed doors she really isn’t that. She presents herself as the “fixer”, “the great balloon pricker”, but she needs to have that safety net ready & known more than the others I think. Purely because of her experiences leading up to (now, canon, etc)

ahh & i had completely forgotten about that fic, oh my :’))) i really don’t have the words - you’re just too sweet 😭🤍🤍🤍🤍 i wish I had added more to that one, but I’ve never really enjoyed writing looooonnggg pieces like that. About 2000 words is all I’ll ever manage, if that 😂. It’s been a good few months since I’ve read that one over, i never read my work over after it’s published, so I can’t comment on it the same way I just did the last.

thank you thank you thank you for this you have no idea how much it means :’) i will be thinking about this for the rest of ever,,, truest to the show??!!! Watch me sob right now

[nite-puff]

SCREAMS GROWLS CRIES I heart ishida and alter ego. Considering Kiyotaka and Chihiro are constantly paired up in official art with mondo it's really too bad that there's not many canonical ties between the two of them! I like to fill that gap with ideas as often as possible (and I have MANY of those). To kinda build off your post you just reblogged, I love the idea of this leading into Kiyotaka healing, but I'm also incredibly interested in the complete opposite happening where nothing really changes and Alter Ego is constantly masquerading as Mondo without ever really stopping. Ishida just continues to correct her until the idea of her getting things wrong just feels like a normal process. Even after alter ego dies again and comes back through a different form Ishida lets the cycle continue. I think he would start to view his relationship with the future foundation and the other thh survivors as an "us against them" situation, to the point where things get so bad that he just straight up runs off with Alter Ego entirely. I don't know if the survivors get their memories back but in the case that they do and it requires some kind of treatment, Ishida just lives his life not getting that treatment, and at some point his well of knowledge regarding Mondo is gonna run dry with nothing more to correct Alter Ego with, and it results in her algorithmically replicating a version of Mondo that's so much different than the real one. It's a version of him that is simultaneously flawless but also a complete yes-man to Ishida that agrees with eveything he has to say. And Ishida is going to take that agreement seriously, because to him, Mondo is never wrong about anything. This paired with whatever else Ishida may be doing while the literal apocalypse is going on has SO much potential to me.

(ask is referring to this)

WAIT THIS IS SO INTERESTING TO THINK ABOUT.

I’m too much of a wuss to deviate from the “Taka gets to heal and eventually learns better ways to cope with Mondo’s death” outcome from Ishida, but there’s also so much room for him to succumb to downfall. (At least, a better downfall than what we actually got.)

The idea of Ishida being so stubborn and so determined to convince himself that Alter Ego Mondo could be like the real one that he never really does have that reality check is so… I don’t know. disturbing and sad? but in the best way. He feels like this computer ai is the only one who really cares about him because everyone else barely paid attention to him after the second trial. So he in turn only cares about alter ego to the point that it’s more self-destructive than it is healing.

And it’s so sad to think about because the good memories Mondo had left behind are now replaced with what Ishida has convinced himself COULD BE Mondo.

Also, depending on when Ishida leaves with Alter Ego, couldn’t that have some real detrimental consequences? Doesn’t Alter Ego play some significant role in the second game? Which then plays some significant role on the rest of the series? I’d imagine that there would be this big search for Ishida in hopes of finding Alter Ego because the the other survivors need her. And the endless possibilities of what Ishida could be doing out on his own and with absolutely nothing left to lose except for the one thing everyone’s trying to take from him.

God, there’s so many thoughts starting to formulate, this is so interesting. For better or for worse, there’s so many directions Ishida could’ve gone in story-wise.

[unofficialadamtaurus]

Like a week ago you answered an ask about how the black trailer could’ve hinted at Adam being an abuser etc etc and it made me realize how much my own projection colored my view of Adam. I project HARD onto Blake. I started watching RWBY right after volume 2 finished and I honestly interpreted him as an abusive ex from the beginning but only because things paralleled MY experience. My abuser would’ve caught me if I fell. I used to draw him sometimes as a coping mechanism to get him out of my head and because it was hard to let him go even when it was right thing. Ironically, I used to think then portrayal of Adam as an abuser and Blake as a victim was so well-done (though I always thought the way the white fang plot was handled was super racist. I never hated Adam as a character) but since I read that a week ago I’ve been thinking about it more and realized that I was just interpreting so much that simply was not actually in the show, lol

Part of the reason it took me so long to answer this ask is that it prompted some genuine reflection on my part. In the past, I've looked at the relationship between Blake and Adam, at the discussions and dissections of it and the theoretical abuse in the show, and wondered how anyone could see what the show presented as any kind of compelling arc of an abuse survivor breaking free and healing.

Any time someone brought up those kinds of sympathetic connections, I wondered if they were serious. If they were, I wondered how they could possibly find catharsis in RWBY's presentation. There are, I thought to myself, so many other shows that do these kinds of arcs better, so RWBY should not get any kind of credit for doing it badly.

Blake drawing Adam when he abused her? Confusing at best.

Blake's there-again-gone-again backbone when standing up to Adam? Terrible writing.

Adam catching Blake when she fell and never giving a single hint of that kind of character before the Beacon confrontation? More terrible writing.

But stepping back and looking at it from a different perspective - yours - I realize that I was being a callous asshole about it. Something being badly written doesn't stop people from forming attachments to it or seeing pieces of themselves in it. I mean, c'mon, the hypocrisy of me seeing bits of myself in Adam's self destructive rage yet refusing to see how someone could sympathize with Blake? You have to laugh.

Besides, abuse isn't a concrete experience. It's wrong of me to say that "Blake doing X means she cannot have been abused" because, as you've pointed out, there are abuse survivors out there who have undoubtedly done what she does. People are messy and complicated and the ways they deal with messy and complicated things don't always make sense to an outside observer.

That said, there is a chasm between fictional media and real life. I think there are many, many things the show could have done to better sell the abuse angle to the audience, which I stated in that post all those weeks ago. The show has the advantage of not being limited to Blake's perception of the world; one or two cutaways during scenes preceding Beacon, even in the Black trailer itself, could show Adam's supposed facade dropping when Blake is unaware. (And yes, much of this lacking foreshadowing/exposition is due to the issue that the abuse angle may not have been planned from the start.)

The abuse in canon is a black hole of supposition. There is as much evidence to support it as there is to refute it and much of the evidence on both sides falls to personal interpretation. Thus we get situations like this, situations in which you - someone with experience - fill in (subconsciously or otherwise) what the show does not have to strengthen the story in your own eyes. Then I, someone without that experience, look at the same show and, rather than filling in those gaps, trip over them.

I'll be more cognizant of this interplay between personal experience and canon in the future. I knew it existed, of course, but I didn't realize the extent to which it could affect someone's enjoyment of the show and its more lacking aspects.

I believe it would also be useful for people who enjoy the show and find themselves clashing with others over how "good" some aspect of it is to examine why they find a part of canon so compelling. Is it because what is strictly there in canon is compelling, or is it because they are filling in the gaps with personal experience and emotion?

Thanks for giving me a look behind a curtain I hadn't even realized warranted investigation.

[dream-thief-forever-amen]

Sometimes I go into a show knowing it’s going to mess with my head. In particular dark Kdramas involving children hit me hard - but also there really aren’t any equivalent shows from other countries I can think of immediately that are so willing to dive into childhood trauma, abuse, and psychological effects.

I remember watching Missing You (2012) and feeling like my gut had ripped out. That’s the first one, I think, that I saw with such a horrific childhood trauma storyline. I’d seen evil step parents and poverty storylines, even abandonment, but this story… showing how just one unfortunate and random circumstance could devastate a person… two people really… and the chain reaction of how everyone around them dealt with it - in all the variables of human coping mechanisms… it was beautiful storytelling. Not the best show, overall, but memorable.

Of course, now I’ve seen so many of these dramas that it’s harder to pick a stand out. Child abuse, neglect, random circumstances, psychological harm and more are frequent main themes of Korean dramas. My Mister, Glory, Hello Monster, Come & Hug Me, It’s Okay to Not Be Okay, Children of Nobody, Kill Me Heal Me, Flower of Evil, He is Psychometric, Just Between Lovers, Will it Snow for Christmas, Mother, Healer, Extracurricular, the list goes on.

And I love them. Because like good books they teach me other angles, other ways to look at a problem. I think trauma survivors have trouble seeing a broader perspective because it happened to you - personally - and it’s hard enough just to get yourself through. At least this was the case in my own experience. But with age and time and reflection, I have started to attempt perspective. To understand why others reacted in the way they did. And still do. And how I may have also behaved similarly towards others trauma without even realizing it.

I dunno. Life is pretty wild already - but all these damned FEELINGS… who knew they would take up so much space? Much more space than thoughts do.

So I watch these dramas and let the feelings swim around but also… sometimes… let the thoughts get a few laps in. Oh. That’s why. Maybe that’s why. Oh.

I just finished The King of Pigs. It’s a very complex story about school violence - and how it touches on everyone around including those who may only be bystanders or witnesses or just suspected but weren’t sure. It also tackled memories- and how time can really hone in on some things but erase others.

Would I recommend it? It’s a violent, nonstop examination of crime & punishment, classism, repression and rage, silence and remorse, and deep rooted trauma. So… you know… if that’s your bag - 10/10. I loved it.

[recoverychronicles]

Post;

I don’t know if anybody will end up reading any of what i write, if anybody will care about what i write, i guess the only things that matters is how i feel about typing all this out.

If you’re someone that is going through what i did, you’ve recently survived/recovered/got out, i hope you connect with something I’m saying, and maybe you feel less alone. I wish that along my own journey i had someone that cared or i connected to. I felt alone, and everyone that knew about my abuse aided him in gaslighting me, in my eyes that makes them almost as bad as him.

Id say, now 2 years on and sober, I’m doing okay.

2 years sober. Of a slowly inclining addiction. I actually beat it, i came out stronger, i came out the winner.

I don’t have the temptation of using, I don’t have the urge to “just once” have a hit. I get scared taking Panadol for fucks sake. My Endo surgery was a real test to my pain killer addiction, but i came out of that without a bump. I even went to a music festival with them, and yeah I had the thought that i could take some codeine, but I didn’t, i had no need for it. I was too amped up on caffeine.

I don’t have the temptation to smoke weed anymore, I can’t even stand the smell of it anymore.

Sometimes, i wanna do a cap at a concert or a music festival, purely just for the vibes. To be able to experience that in the state of mind MD gives you. However, i can go to kick ons at someone’s house, and rack up lines for others and not even have the temptation to ask for a line, to ask for a bump. I just don’t care for it in that way anymore.

Cocaine. My worst enemy. It’s the one thing I wouldn’t be able to say no to. Every death that has happened to the family in the past year, every terminal illness someone has been diagnosed with, all I’ve wanted to do is buy a bag and get high. All I’ve wanted to do is cope in the best way i know how, with drugs. I know that my god mother would be disappointed in herself, my grandma would be disappointed in in herself, my god father would be disappointed in himself, if i were to react to what happened to them in that way.

I get sad sometimes thinking that i ruined casual drug usage for myself by getting addicted, but some people aren’t built to take it easy on drugs, addiction is an illness, and there isn’t a cure for it. I know that drugs weren’t good for my mental health, hence why i begged him to stop doing them with me, but he wasn’t ready to accept we were both toxic on them and during the come down.

I have officially broken up with drugs.

I have my days where the sexual abuse still gets to me. I think on the other end of the spectrum, i have begun to over sexualise myself, because i was seen as an object for so long, that all i can see myself as. I don’t understand why someone would like me for reasons outside of a sexual nature, that’s something i still have to work on. People prove it to me everyday that that’s not all they are after when maintaining a friendship with me, but the sickness in the back of my mind wont let it go.

I still jump at loud noises, i still snap when something is triggering, i still get shaken up when something reminds me of that time in my life.

I feel i am at a comfortable stage in my healing that this is the right outlet for me. I have done a lot of work and healing to get to where i am today. 2 and a half years ago I wasn’t allowed to work, and now i maintain 2 jobs, where the people like me. I celebrated 2 years sober in August, with the evanescence concert in my state. I have amazing friends who look after me, and cherish me for who i am. They acknowledge that i am sober, and look after me in that regard, they respect me as woman and as a survivor.

It does get better, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the stage that you are in. I promise.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: child abuse mention

Looking for advice and some confident boost if possible (I'd appreciate it if u answer this quicker if possible, as school holidays are coming and I'll have a lesser chance to do this by then. If not, its totally alright)

So lately I've come to terms that I was abused by my parents, and it hurts to accept that fact. My parents really did a triple and said let's abuse our child physically,mentally and sexually. I bottle it all up and it eats inside me, it makes me feel so alone. I've heard some people saying that I should open up to my friends about it. And I want to do it, but everytime I try to do it the words just don't get out of my mouth and I don't know how to even start it. Also, I'm afraid that they might undermine it and say that it's not actually abuse and that everyone's parents do this, or that many people have it worse. I know these aren't the case, i know that it actually is abuse, and I know that just because people have it worse doesn't mean I don't need help. But I'm scared that they might think otherwise. I also feel so much shame and embarrassment with this, especially the sexual assualt part. I don't know how to do this, but I really want to open up my feelings instead of bottling it all up. How can I do this? Is there any way I can make it easier? Or is there any way I can make sure they won't undermine it? Or am I wrong and should just not tell them about this?

- 🦆

Hi 🦆,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Please know that you don't have to tell your friends anything you don't feel comfortable sharing. It's okay to not tell them about these experiences and you have some understandable reasons why. That being said, it can be relieving to confide in people you trust about personal experiences like these, and it's valid to want that connection and support.

Firstly, healing takes time and there are other ways to express your experiences other than telling your friends (like journaling, for example). It's okay if you're not at a place in your healing journey where you feel comfortable sharing your experiences with your friends, especially if you find it hard to verbalize. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could work with you to develop some self-empowerment to feel confident in telling your truth, and cope with the possibility that people may perpetuate victim blaming rhetoric.

It's important to remember that you know your truth, you know what happened to you, and it's not anyone's place to tell you that what you experienced wasn't abuse or trauma. Even if these were things every parent did, that doesn't make it okay. Saying that it could be worse (it could be better too!) only minimizes your experiences, instead of acknowledging the impact and validating what happened. If someone tries to imply otherwise, it's their problem. You are still a valid trauma survivor.

It may help put your mind at ease to first assess your relationships to your friends, and identify which friends you are closest to. Reflecting on how supportive and intimate your friendships are can help you identify which friends would be safest to tell. If you recognize that some friends would make you feel unsafe to tell them, you may want to evaluate whether or not that friendship is truly worthwhile.

It may be best to approach the conversation by first asking if it's the right time or a good headspace for them to talk about something personal. It's a good idea to find time when you are mutually available to give undivided attention and listen actively. This article discusses how to come out, which can also apply to talking about personal experiences like trauma and abuse.

Ultimately it's up to you which friends to tell, as well as whether or not you tell your friends to begin with. You deserve full autonomy in making the choice that feels most right to you, especially at your current point in your healing journey. It can be intimidating to open up to friends, but it can also be quite rewarding and freeing.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[volkamecha]

Something that gets me is that people care so much about children that are survivors of abuse but are no longer okay when those children aren’t children anymore and are learning to process their trauma in a way that doesn’t align with their glorified perfectly sanitary idea of a victim.

Just a heads up the rest of this is me being vulnerable. I believe it’s important to normalize these discussions to help others on their own journey towards recovery. This is a post about trauma play and play therapy.

———

Growing up and becoming an adult has made me realize and look back on how much shame I carried for the ways I processed trauma from a very young age. I had carried awful intrusive thoughts for the longest time and when I was like 6-11 years old I used art as a way to express and explore those thoughts I had. I always kept it to myself however because what I was drawing was shameful.

As you can imagine as an 11 year old still going through it persistently, I had a really poor understanding of morality and little control over my emotions. I thought the things I did, the way I behaved, and the way I treated others was perfectly normal. Most of it I don’t remember, but I do remember acting it out through toys or video games where I would fantasize about hurting small, vulnerable things. As a grown up, this never stopped. It’s just internalized now, because that’s how trauma play works when a positive conclusion isn’t found.

For people who struggle with BPD, C-PTSD or OSDD/DID, or intrusive thoughts, this isn’t unheard of at all.

I strongly do believe everything is nuanced and art is morally ambiguous and very situational. Everyone is different and everyone is going to process or represent their work in different ways, It’s not a black or white issue. Letting go of the guilt I felt over it and talking/sharing art with therapists about the thoughts I had and how I felt helped me go further in my recovery, because I was learning to not repress difficult emotions and punish myself for expressing them, but rather, being able to identify my emotions and learn how to work with them.

I do not think people who share this work publicly are bad people, only that they have difficult ways of coping and aren’t receiving the help they need. In trauma play, there is a desperate need to share the distress or expose others to it to feel heard or listened to. I am not going to say this is good or bad, only that there are more effective and appropriate ways to respond to traumatic representations in art rather than demean or criticize.

Art has always been my best friend when it comes to healing. Hell… most of the discoveries I’ve made about myself and the things I was learning about internally were almost always the result of me drawing or making comics to play out scenarios in my head. Sometimes, they were not clean, and that’s okay. It is not a reflection of who I am as a person, because who I am is someone who helps others.

I do believe overtime, morality policing and shit has made the internal critic that punishes me for expressing any emotion at all so much worse, whether I realize it or not. I can feel it. But there was nothing wrong with me being emotional or vulnerable. It was wrong for me to continuously hurt myself over it, because people I cared about were watching me do this to myself and hurting because of it.

Side note, I’m not a professional, I am only a psych major college student speaking from personal experiences in recovery. Just some little guy online.