#let me lose my shit in peace
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
🚨🚨🚨📢📢📢📢📢📢He played the fuckboy anthem!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭
#this is making me feral#for what#idk#look i've never heard a live version of it#if he's played it before i had no knowledge of it#so it doesn't count in my world#so just shhhh#let me lose my shit in peace#noah reid#riikka talks
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Post hyperfixation clarity is crazy cuz I'm only realizing now how Bad the character relationships in Detective Conan are. There's only so few crumbs actually showcasing how much the other characters care about one another meanwhile the grits teeth "romance" is somehow so heavily focused on.
#aria rants#NOBODY ACTUALLY CARES THAT MUCH ABOUT KOGOROU??? like yea sure theres A Few moments that i can remember#but other than that??? theres barely anything? somehow the only times anyone shows care for him is when hes in danger which is so??????????#BIG EMPHASIS on the quotation marks on romance btw. whenever i think about dcmk romance i want to just [put on the biggest talent show]#THE ONLY! SINGULAR! GOOD! ROMANCE! dcmk has ever had is with takagi and sato. nothing else. im in my semi-hater era#let me have this. whenever i think about the other romance plots in dcmk i just lose it a lil bit inside. also why are all the parents Shit#yaknow what. peace of mind. the more i think about how much of a wreck dcmk actually is. the more i go 😟like MAN!!!
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes I wish I had more people interested in my creations, but then I get hit by thoughts like “Imagine the outrage you’d be faced with if your Avatar Suiren AU was more popular. This is the fandom that still cannot ‘forgive’ Korra for SOMETHING THAT WAS DONE TO HER, calling her the worst Avatar for losing the connection to her past lives (which came about because she HAD RAAVA LITERALLY RIPPED OUR OF HER) and acting like that is somehow a worse offence than, say, inaction leading to genocide. The hate you’d get for intentionally making Suiren the last Avatar would be IMMEASURABLE” and go “… actually, I’m glad that for the most part it’s just @katkastrofa and I–”
(Though then again… would it even be an AU by yours truly if it didn’t contain at least one cancellable offence? 😁)
#don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong#also Suiren is even less like Aang than Korra is. she wouldn’t stand a chance in this fandom#everyone knows most people in this fandom can’t handle angry brown girls#and Suiren is honestly on a whole different level#so yeah#I’m glad it’s not a well known thing#but her biggest offence would of course be letting go of Raava#and thus also losing the connection to her past lives and ending the Avatar cycle#her next incarnation will not be the Avatar. they’ll be just a normal EK kid#and that is the biggest crime an Avatar could ever commit#deciding to spare future generations of the burden#the Avatar should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one person#and every Avatar we know of was stuck in an endless cycle of fixing their predecessors’ mistakes#nobody deserves that. especially not a child. and the Avatars ARE discovered as children for the most part#even at 16 like Roku Kyoshi and Kuruk is still way too young for having the fate of the world on your shoulders#I’d argue any age is too young#the world can’t depend on one person to solve their problems#the avatar is ultimately human. they make mistakes. they’re biased. they can be corrupted#and not a single generation goes by without at least one world-scale threat. nothing any avatar does is every enough. it’s a thankless job#no era of peace has ever lasted long. that has to be something worked for by the world at large#ending the cycle is the correct move because then the world will not be looking to the Avatar for every issue#and will actually start sorting shit out themselves. that’s my (very correct) view of it. at least#but again. this fandom will not be able to handle that. because they care about a bunch of long dead ghosts more than living characters#I’m sorry but sparing at least one kid of the trauma that comes with being the Avatar makes losing the past lives connection worth it#to me at least. and it’s not like breaking the connection erases them from ever existing like Greater Lord Rukkhadevata. they’re remembered#just can’t be accessed anymore. and that’s okay. they deserve to rest#(forgive me for the Genshin Impact reference it was the only thing I could think of. it was a brief phase I don’t play it anymore)#anyway. idk where this rant/meta just came from. I apparently have A Lot of thoughts about this AU that aren’t limited to Kuviren smut lmao#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
FINALLY finished my outline for prodigal son it’s going to end up way longer than i planned </3
#there’s so much i’m trying to get across without making it ridiculously long#i’m like. trying to make it clear that malc isn’t the driving force here#because he’s a bit older than jamie and jamie’s only eighteen and pretty sheltered so it could seem dodgy#and don't get me wrong i'm not going to NOT write something just because it's objectively shady especially for ttoi#but it’s not like malcolm swoops in and initiates everything. that wouldn't fit the characters#jamie’s a determined wee shit and he’s fucking relentless when he wants to be#it’s more a case of malcolm caving and agreeing to let him into His World as it were#and jamie’s always had this anger and this rebellious streak that leaves him susceptible to doing shady shit#he’s not a kid he’s making his own decisions malc’s just here for the ride#and also like. jamie SEEMS like he’s losing his faith at points but it’s actually getting stronger#i don’t want it to seem like he’s given up god for the sake of following malcolm#he’s just making peace with the fact that his god and the christian god don’t align too well#it's kind of like. malcolm is partly helping him be more honest and brave and do some good in the world#but he's also partly (mostly unknowingly) being a genuinely bad influence too#but all the bad shit jamie's going to end up doing comes from himself. it was already there#because i see jamie and malc as huge enablers for each other. it's their whole thing#and i think it's interesting to show them in my fic being (for the time) very radical and rebellious#and it stems from a genuine desire to a) do good in the world and help people and b) break themselves out of the working class bubble#but by the time they reach canon that has manifested into something quite horrible#their rebellion and radicalism is now used to do bad things that don't even justify the end goal anymore#and now they've broken out the working class bubble they're just playing into the toxic westminster mindset#because that's the only way you survive in the game (or at least in malcolm's case. he ends up with no spine)#because he's willing to abandon his principles if it keeps him and the party in power#and at some point down the line the good intentions get lost to his own ego and need for control#anyway i'm normal#ttoi
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Some Batman: Telltale thoughts
[this is a Batman Telltale critical post, ye be warned.]
So. There are perhaps no words in the english language to describe with how stupid i feel right now.
I started Telltale Batman because i thought that it's one of the more distinct unconventional Batman narratives that would let you have a more interesting, complex and nuanced relationship between Bruce and Joker— the game even lets you bring all of Bruce's sincere hypocrisy and sentimental selfishness to the surface and have him admit that yes, he can fight the rogues gallery because it takes a madman to know a madman; to love a madman. For a moment i geniunely thought that i can escape the everpresent shadow of DC hays code in the freakshow funhouse that is Batman comics, i thought Telltale had done something different.
But telltale's approach to The Enemy Within is so flaky and flimsy and timid at best— such noncommittal twist on themes of pain and grief. They take on a hefty plotline, "what does it take to actually fight through evil and be surrounded by it? How long does it take before your resolve and your selfhood cracks? When you lose the mask, which one did you truly lose— The ideal persona, the superhero, the crusader, or the person underneath, the casket that holds all your humanity and your heart and your hopes? How long can you stare onto the abyss before it stares onto you?" It's indeed a very Nietzsche approach to Batman— except that a good Nietzsche narrative takes a lot of intentional plot points and honesty of thought and of heart. And Telltale doesn't commit, not to Bruce's characterization, and not to any other character, and definitely not to Joker's journey in any variation of it. The existence of the Vigilante route is useless on every front; Joker is going to turn into a villain anyway, just with a different hello kitty eyeshadow palette and an extra bland consolation lollipop. No good choice Bruce makes on Joker's behalf affects anything whatsoever, and i particularly love the "community and friendship and sympathy do not help the mentally ill and all that ever works is punishment and shock therapy and confinement and loneliness" message the vigillante route puts on the table, charming charming status quo commandments from DC as always.
Telltale Batman could only be revolutionary if it had dared to break comic convention and let the vigillante route play out like Selina and Bruce's relationship always does; very grey morality, irrational, full of tension and trust, unstable, intriguing, inexcusable, irreversible, unavoidable and heartfelt, human. But we can't have nice things in batmanverse, so both Joker routes run on stuck gears and topple and fall into a predictable narrative hole that neither Bruce nor Joker can claim out of.
And on the predictable front? this story is too lukewarm to be a good time for me personally. When you get 84 Batman comics per minute every other Tuesday, all ending the same way no matter whatever the fickity happens inbetween, you have to pull no punches. This is my 53368532th Batman-with-tragic-batjokes-implications read of the week, say something new or forever hold your blue-balling silence, i dont care.
#Like. season 2 starts to become a fucking mess from episode 2#Tiffany?????? the Tiffany twist was so bad i can't??????#30 SECONDS TO THE END ROLLS AND ALFRED FUCKING PENNYWORTH DECIDES TO DITCH BRUCE???? LIKE ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME CHARACTER??????#I chose Bruce to leave his Batman persona behind in order to keep Alfred because 1) batworth agenda lmao and#2) i knew it'd make absolutely zero difference in the narrative like. bitch you're not gonna introduce a plot point this big#10 seconds before the game ends. you're just not doing that#that's literally 58 comic volumes worth of plot#But also I FUCKING LOST SELINA!!! SELINA MY BELOVEDEST!!!! JUST TO SAVE JOHN!!!!!#DC status quo is my villain origin story fr#tumblr made me think that in telltale batman you can actually save the Joker and have an intricate interesting dynamic with him#what with all the choices letting you bring to light how Bruce is just a human after all. like everyone else#not good by nature; but good by deed#but you will still lose the Joker no matter what choices you make. holy shit.#Someone on reddit was like “this is how Bruce feels in comics; putting all his goodness and faith in the Joker and still watch him fall''#and fucking christ i feel gutted like a good ol' wild salmon#but anyway yeah; i feel so insanely betrayed holy fucks. Telltale could understand Selina as a complex faulty villainy character#but god forbid if we try to humanise Joker.#anyway i have decided that i do not percieve Telltale Batman 😌🌸 i am at peace i do not see it Telltale Batman will be long gone#and only i will remain. (i'm keeping the batcat and the Alfred&Bruce relationship though; might replay to get the full batcat experience)#but also; IMAN AVESTA THE TRUEST MVP LMAOOO#i will have fellas know that Iman means faith in persian;#combined with her last name she's the original node to Zoroastrianism in The Eneny Within#long before Riddler's obsession with “speak no evil see no evil hear no evil'' comes to the surface#it was such surreal experience; watching her switch into persian halfway in on the call with her mother ❤️#i was like :O !!!!!!#and anyway: everything the supposed better written Villain route did Gotham fox season 5 episode 7 ''Ace Chemicals'' did better#and i'm not taking criticism 😌🌸 at least in Gotham the characters are allowed to scream and cry#Farimah talks Batman: Telltale#batman telltale critical#batman meta
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why did my cooking dream get hijacked by my brain making a William Afton oc and au what was that about.
#luly talks#my dreams#I'll peace like i can recollect it was weird#bc it literally was ME BUYING GROCERIES W MY DAD but then the line between when we ended and Michael and William started blurred#i remember the grocery store very well also bc it was very similar to the one i go always to but smaller and more sepia#it was dark for a grocery store like it was just letting sunlight in#pears were half off like some black friday offer so all the products were suuuper cheap#i saw one bottle of milky pear juice for like 1k. and the same w these 4 stacks of frozen waffles who were like 1070.#or this bottle of pear pancake mixture that had 2 or 4 lts#it was kind of when i went away that thr lines started blurring so let me tell you what i remember about this Afton:#he didnt seem. murderous. he was grocery shopping w his kid for fuck's sake 😭 i think he was even sitting somewhere while i ran back and#forth taken aback by these offers? like kinda dismissive at best#uh. Henry was brought up believe it or not. it was like... they broke up or something? like he was kinda upset about the mention but like#in a i dont want to explain why im not with him rn sort of way#very insecure he seemed. like he run into this woman who might've been someone but idk who was whom asked sbout henry and bro was SWEATING#you'd say dream william was a fucking loser he just got locked in thinking like what do i say and HOW do i say it#to make it sound casual but also not weird.#bc on top of all he also seemed to have some weird gender things going on bc he first instinct when trying to explain himself to the woman#(who i cannot stress enough was super friendly like a fucking neighbor or something just going hey hi! hows da family? ^_^)#was to refer to them both as girls as this jokey comradery Let's Ignore The Topic thing before going No That's Bad I Can't Say That#this whole internal monologue in my dream happened in a sort of comic panel thing btw where shit went from these warm browns and greens and#shit from the grocery store to jarring black and whites and reds as William tried to have a straight thought#looks wise unfortunately not a lot going on.though considering this was literally my dream getting turned over can we say my Afton is argie#something something my turn stealing from them etc etc or whatever#uh. brown hair. but not too dark. it was greying and that was making it lighter. also very angular face as you'd expect#high cheekbones pretty eyebrows no facial hair. hair was a bit longuish tho? like a messy ear length maybe?#he had a button up w buttons lose bc it's so hot and humid rn also sunglasses which i know 100% was influenced bc the last design i rbed#a little.before napping#also he had age makes too though his age was most visible in his scrawny long exposed neck#me/mike change was minimal bc we're both pale and brunette hit tag limit so hope y'all like my brain's oc i guess 😭
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
how fun. my right ear is still/again making that annoying clicking noise, and now my left ear keeps making some sort of.. I don't know, 'swoosh' sound or something.
#plus my normal tinnitus and the fact that I don't hear that well in my left ear already.#man just let me hear things in peace.#I mean I'm really really glad that I didn't just entirely lose my hearing in one ear! that happened to my dad. and also my brother is almost#deaf in one ear.#so. I'm lucky and all#but tbh the random noises are... still not that great! it's really bad when I'm trying to sleep and it just keeps happening#guess I'll have to go to the doctor next week maybe if it doesn't stop. ugh. I was so happy that I wouldn't have to go there for six months#I'm so tired of doing hearing tests!#especially since my hearing is objectively fine apparently!#still can't understand shit most of the time so what's the point of even testing it. but anyway this sucks#personal
2 notes
·
View notes
Photo
this post really is the blueprint for RR felix vs lover boy felix
#literally RR felix is like an annoying piece of shit at first because he thinks hes got his life under control#and then he realises he doesnt and hes like omg everything is falling apart nothing matters let me get hedonistic and silly with it#then hes like wait no i want my life to be okay i want to be a good person :(#ASTRONIMIC crisis over that because he thinks hes gone past a line#(so much of RR thematically is feeling like you're a 'lost cause' bc of childhood trauma hehe)#and then lover boy felix is like oh i made positive progress with myself#but its just made me feel fragile because i feel like i have more to lose#mfs with trauma will finally reach a sense of peace in their life and its the opposite of peace because it makes them so scared#but its still funny because RR felix is like doing cocaine in the bathtub on a wednesday afternoon#lover boy felix works at a kindergarten and is probably well hydrated#i dont think he realises how much progress he's made and when he does that's when he gets scared#especially because now hes more intentionally unpacking his trauma which is a lot#but like instead of fucking people and fighting people and breaking into houses to cope he like gets a caramel frappe and has a cry#LMAO#because he's like one wrong move and ill go back to how i was and ruin everything (which he does almost do exactly that BUT)#he will return to being messy at some point though....gotta have him falter which will scare him so much#also has a mild gender crisis between all of this too#that's my infodump on tumblr of the day so many thoughts in my head that i cant do anything with#thats really cool dallon have you been evaluated for autism#lover boy is like the normal spongebob of my wips because its tragic and emotional#but the characters dont feel like theyre basically or literally fighting for their lives every day LOL#it's refreshing i cant lie
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Should i just unfollow my ex-mp, because ngl I feel like im just torturing myself at this point
(Im seriously asking and you should tell me yes)
#he just keeps tweeting the most stupid shit.#like you can just not be racist its not that hard#like the only reason im still following him is just to keep tabs of this exact bullshit#but some of the stuff he says/retweets genuinely angers me so much#and the worst thing ia that i cant. do. anything. about. it.#and that is driving me mad#so im struggling between would i rather Know that someone is shitty and be able to see it#or just unfollow and give myself peace of mind because at the end of the day#what is having this info gonna do for me#god i actually hate this motherfucker like he literally was at mosques handing out flyers with the palestine flag on it and look at his#islamophobic ass now. fuck you. not to mention not a WORD om palestine since. not even a word on lebanon now#but he Has mentioned how the 'culture' in Afghanistan and 'other such countries' are not valid#🎤 heres me handing you a mic please further explain what you think these 'cultures' are. do you also mention the us where child marriages#are legal in many states? have you literally EVER mentioned anything about the rise in sexism in our own country.#it just pisses me off because i am so angered and DESPISE whats going on in Afghanistan. but anytime i try to look for info and sources to#post about it. anyone commenting it is fucking racist and or a t*rf. like im not even fucking joking. like why is it so hard to realise tha#MUSLIMS HATE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS TOO. AND I IMAGINE A LOT AFGHANI CITIZENS AS WELL. as per usual shitty fucking men MAKE UP THESE RULES#based on nothing because islam ENCOURAGES education in women. it allows divorce. abortion. THESE THINGS ARE PART OF OUR CULTURE THAT ARE#not part of 'Christian culture' but no one would ever even say that because they know its dumb!! and not every Christian believes that!!#and lets not even get started on how western colonisation leads to all this turmoil in the first place.#anyways to conclude. brown people are not just inherently sexist/homophobic/racist/bigoted etc. claiming they are and that their 'culture'#promotes it is SO BEYOND FUCKING RACIST I NEED YOU TO THINK 2 SECONDS BEFORE YOU JUST RANDOMLY SAY SHIT.#and like. a shitty terrorist group enforcing backwards rules on its population is not 'culture'. i think thats whats bothering me. like why#are you further demonising and ostracising people who are already so isolated as is. you dont even know anything about them and then you#you just make this big washjng statement.#i actually could say so much more btw#and even some of the comparisons i made are not even fully equivalent. and i Want to go into it. but i cba. i just woke up and im probably#gonna delete this.#if yoi have read this far pls just answer my q in the og post and tell me to unfollow this man before i lose all my marbles xD#le text post
0 notes
Text
*suddenly stops worrying about everything*
...
what.
*worries about the fact that I'm not worrying about anything*
#byrd chirps#Byrd's business#it's really fucking bizarre y'all#also I'm posting this on main because i need answers#what the hell is going on#it's not like I don't care anymore.#it's like i just am completely unable to believe that things won't turn out okay#I'm about to lose my shelter! why did my brain stop ringing the alarm bells to get my ass in gear and get things done?!?#it's not like i don't *want* to get things done either. it's just. i no longer feel like i have to.#which is very much not the case!#it could be a combination of things really#a recent realization about myself#getting over my mother and her bullshit#getting enough sleep#not having severe digestive issues anymore#getting back in contact with my cousin who believed me when i told her what happened#i don't know. it feels like the universe is trying to tell me that everything's going to be okay#even if i don't get my ass in gear and get things done#which i refuse to believe#i refuse to consider that I'm going to die out here even though I've already accepted the possibility#but i also refuse to believe that the universe is going to pull some strings to put my life back together#because as nice as that would be I'm not about to put my faith in a higher power#when i have been surviving only thanks to my own grit and my support system#shoutout to literally everyone who's ever checked in on me btw y'all are keeping me alive#but yeah is the alarm bell broken? or is it being silenced by some higher power telling me to let them handle it?#either way I'm not leaving it up to fate#any higher power that knows me should know damn well that I'm not about to put my faith in them over a strong sense of peace#so even if it is somehow some kind of higher power I'm gonna go with#'they don't want me to have a breakdown when i need to be getting shit done' as opposed to#'nah they can sit back and relax and I'll take care of things'
1 note
·
View note
Note
hello!
Could you maybe do poly!marauders x reader and the boys discovering she has a major praise kink!
It doesn’t have to be smutty or it can be whatever you think!!
(ps: you are such an amazing author and the way you write the marauders together and their personalities is impeccable 💋)
This was fun and funny, thanks for requesting!
cw: praise kink, suggestive ending (no smut)
poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1k words
Remus makes a soft hissing sound. “Is that how you always chop onions?”
You look at him sideways. “With a knife? Yes.”
“Don’t be cheeky,” he says, smiling. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”
You look down at your cutting board, still chopping but now bemused. “I don’t plan on it.”
James, who’s appeared over your shoulder, makes a similar sound, hissing through his teeth. “No, sweetheart.” He places his hand over yours on the handle of the knife, silently prompting you to stop. “Rem’s right, you’re going to lose the tips of your fingers.”
You feel a tad defensive of your chopping skills. “I’ve managed to keep them all ‘til now. What am I doing wrong?”
“Here, let me.” James eases the knife from your grip, squishing in alongside you in front of the cutting board and taking your onion. “See, you want to curl your fingers in a tiny bit so the knife skims off them. Like a claw.”
You lean over, peering at his hand. “It looks hard to keep a grip like that.”
“It takes a bit of practice,” he allows. James slices through the onion a few times with smooth, easy motions, then passes the knife back to you. “Give it a try.”
You try to hold the onion the way he had, looking at James for approval. He taps your pinkie finger, getting you to curl that one a bit more, before smiling at you.
“There you go. That’s good, now try cutting down your knuckles.”
“This feels scarier than my way,” you admit, though you do as he says, skimming the knife down your knuckles and slicing through the onion slowly.
“No, you’ve got it,” James praises. “That’s really good, angel. You’re a natural.”
Your cheeks are starting to warm from all the compliments. “Thanks,” you say in a small voice.
“Don’t go getting shy,” says Sirius, coming in to steal a dry pasta noodle from Remus. He bites down on it with a crack that makes James grimace. “You were so vocal about how you knew the proper way a minute ago.”
“I still like my way better,” you say, recovering some.
“Right, well do it this way for our peace of mind, would you?” James’ hand warms the small of your back as he watches you work. “You have very pretty fingers, and I don’t think I’m being too presumptuous in saying that we all like them too much to risk it. Plus, you’ve picked it up so quickly.”
The heat from your face spreads lower. It’s all you can do to squeak out a meek “okay.” You’re grateful when James leaves to return to his own task.
A minute later, Remus comes over to check that you’re doing what you’re supposed to. He hums approvingly. “Good girl,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your hair. All the air in your lungs dries up. “Thank you, darling. That looks great.”
“She learned from the best,” James quips.
Remus hums and kisses his hair too before turning back to his work. It’s only a handful of seconds before they realize you’ve not replied.
“Dove?” Remus looks at you.
“Hm?” you hum tightly.
“You alright?”
“Mhm.”
James and Sirius have turned to look now, too. You keep your face downturned to the cutting board, but you can feel the weight of three curious stares on the back of your head. Sirius prowls over to you like a cat, taking you by the shoulders and turning you slowly.
“Humor me for a moment?” he asks, smirking. “I want to test a theory.”
You’re wound too tightly by this point to respond, his smug teasing pushing you to the edges of sanity. You barely have the wherewithal to set your knife down carefully behind you.
Your boyfriend’s cold hands find your warm face, shit-eating grin only spreading as he takes his time feeling about your cheeks with his knuckles and fingers. Sirius isn’t always the most perceptive of your boyfriends, but unfortunately, humiliatingly, he’s the first to unravel this particular mystery.
He asks smoothly, “Do you like it when we tell you how good you are, pretty girl?”
You’re not sure if he can actually feel the flare of heat to your face at the words, but something about your expression must confirm it. Sirius laughs gleefully.
“Awe, angel.” James comes over to wrap his arms around you from the side, also laughing. “I didn’t know we were winding you up when we talked like that. I was just trying to compliment what a quick learner you are.”
“She is a quick learner,” Sirius says in a salacious tone. “You always follow instructions well, don’t you, gorgeous?”
“Stop,” you plead, covering your face with your hands and forcing Sirius to move his. All three of your boyfriends snicker, James pressing a conciliatory kiss to your burning ear. “It’s not like it happens all the time, you’re just being so much right now. You can’t just call someone—call them—”
“A good girl?” Remus asks you, and you don’t think he’s putting on a tone like Sirius is, you really don’t, but his regular voice is already so nearly pornographic that the heat in your core spreads anyway.
“Right,” you say weakly.
Remus chuckles. “I didn’t mean anything by it, sweetheart. Sorry if I put you in an…uncomfortable position.”
“No, don’t be sorry.” Sirius is giddy, smugness dialed up to eleven. “This is a revelation. Just think what we could do with this. You’ve given us all a gift, babe.”
“Oh, our poor girl,” James laughs when you try to hide your face in his shoulder. “Sirius is right, this is good! It’s always good for us to know what you like, right?”
You’re too flustered to reply, but Remus agrees for you, humming contemplatively.
“You know,” he says, “if I leave this to simmer for a while, we could make it up to you now, dove. I’d feel awful if I wound you up without giving you any payoff.”
His tone implies he’s at least partly joking, but Sirius doesn’t take it that way. He has you all in the bedroom in thirty seconds flat, your chopping left to wait for your return.
#poly!marauders#poly!marauders x reader#poly marauders#poly marauders x reader#poly!marauders x fem!reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders x y/n#poly!marauders x self insert#poly!marauders fanfiction#poly!marauders fanfic#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders fluff#praise k!nk#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders drabble#poly!marauders blurb#poly!marauders oneshot#james potter#james potter x reader#sirius black#sirius black x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#the marauders#marauders era#marauders x reader#hp marauders
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
⛥゚・。 piña colada
synopsis: some women just can't take a hint... good thing Zoro's only got eyes for one girl.
cw: nsfw (oral: female receiving), this woman is really shameless, surprisingly tender Zoro, you two are so in love, kinda magical ngl, etc.
"Hey, there," a woman—who was in the tiniest bikini known to man—hummed, tone low as she approached the lounge chair. "I don't think I've seen you on this island before."
'For fuck's sake...'
Annoyed, Zoro let a heavy sigh out from his nose, not even bothering to glance in the girl's direction as his sunglasses shaded his harsh side eye.
You'd think after seeing eight other women walk dejectedly away from his umbrella, the others would catch the hint?
"Not interested," he stated, curtly, hands firmly tucked behind his head as he looked out to sea.
The woman chuckled, softly, completely ignoring his comment and taking a seat in the sand.
She sat criss-crossed, dropping her hands in her lap and using her arms to slightly push her tits together, attempting to endearingly lean closer to your swordsman.
"Don't be so hasty," she sweetly smiled, taking his rudeness in stride. "Haven't even given me the chance to speak."
"Well, that's 'cause I really don't give a shit what you say otherwise," he sighed, shutting his eyes.
"I can name ten other men off the top of my head that would beg to differ," she countered, slyly.
"I'm not other men."
"You certainly aren't..."
'Walked right into that one.'
His brows flattened, and for a moment he wondered if this was a real person talking, slightly glancing around to see if he could find a camera crew of some sort.
Yet, to his surprise, there was none.
"I have a girlfriend," he dealt the finishing blow, delivering the final line that scared away all the other women from before.
He could finally get some peace and quiet.
"I don't see her here," the woman shrugged, simply, as if what he just said made no difference to her.
Zoro threw his head back with an irritated groan, wanting nothing more than to drop kick the woman away and go back to napping.
This was all Luffy and Usopp's fault.
The crew had been docked on a tropical summer island for a few days, and for all of them, you and Zoro had gone down to the beach together and lounged in the sun—tanning, napping, eating, and drinking in rotation.
But on that particular day, the boys had whisked you away to go explore some cove they found on the beach's edge, leaving your swordsman to fend off the wolves by himself.
And at first, it wasn't that bad.
The girls that approached were polite and had pure intentions, and actually respected his wishes when he said he was uninterested.
But numbers four through eight?
Hell, the woman sitting next to him?
Less so.
"Are you deaf or somethin'?" he asked, brows furrowed as he sat up, not appreciating her comment at all. "I already told you, I'm not interested. So get lost."
"Oh, c'mon," she rolled her eyes with a laugh. "There's no way you actually have a girlfriend. No girl in her right mind would leave her man alone on a beach like this, especially if he was as handsome as you."
"Maybe that's why she's my girlfriend and you're not," he scoffed, sarcastically.
Her brow twitched, the remark clearly striking a nerve as her posture suddenly straightened, her sickeningly sweet tone turning sour in a second.
"Well then, maybe your girlfriend can step up and we can see who's really the shit," she spat, standing from her spot in the sand. "Since she's so fuckin' great, let's see how she fares in a fight."
A smirk rose to the woman's lips, her hand coming to rest cockily on her hip.
"I might not look it, but I'm this island's martial arts champion... And I've yet to lose a fight. So let's see how she does with her face in the sand."
Zoro paused a moment, almost disbelieving, lifting up his sunglasses and taking a breath to see if the woman was serious.
She was.
Deadly serious, actually.
'HA!'
The man threw his head back in a burst of uproarious laughter, the sound causing the woman to jolt with surprise, and slight fear.
She'd never seen his expressions range anything past annoyance, so seeing him so amused seemed almost uncanny, especially since he was nearly howling with hilarity.
But he couldn't help himself.
You, the woman with a bounty over one billion?
You, the woman with the devil fruit of the personified spirit of death?
You, the woman who has fought literal monsters with her bare hands?
Lose to a random martial arts lady on a peaceful summer island?
It was almost too much.
The woman's brows furrowed, face warming at the mockery.
"The hell's so funny?!" she huffed with a childish pout.
Attempting to regain his composure, he wiped a tear from his eye, slightly clutching his stomach as his laughs died down.
"She'd fuckin' kill you," he chuckled, shoulders bobbing. "Like actually."
Furious, the woman broke into a long-winded tirade about why she would win... or how badly you would lose... or something along those lines.
If he was being honest, he zoned out the moment she started talking, something more interesting seeming to catch his eye.
You.
Like a dog with a bone, he watched, mesmerized, as you made your way over, hips looking ripe and tender for the grabbing.
'Goddamn...'
After days in the sun, you'd developed a delectably smooth tan, the sunscreen you had him apply earlier giving your skin an alluring shine.
Eyes scanning over your body, he took in the light (f/c) of your bikini, which had a few complimentary, (o/c) flowers decorating its corners, along with the waist beads resting lazily over your stomach, not to mention the gold anklets and bracelets that littered your ankles and wrists.
You looked good enough to eat—a thought he didn't mind indulging in later.
"Hey! Are you listening to me?" the woman continued pestering him, her hand coming up to rest on his bicep.
Huge mistake.
Faster than she could even see, Zoro grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand off and staring her down with a deadly glare, his patience long since run thin.
The woman froze, fear slowly creeping into her chest at the sharpness of his eyes.
He looked like he had half the mind to slit her throat right there.
"I'm only gonna tell you this one last time..." he warned, tone leaving no room for argument. "Get. Lost."
Roughly, he let go of her, and she quickly scrambled to her feet, scurrying back over to the safety of her friend's towel just as you arrived.
"Hey, Zo'!" you chirped, taking a seat on your swordsman's lap as you took a sip of your cocktail, which was in a cut-off coconut.
"Hey, pretty," he greeted with a smirk, placing a kiss on your neck. "Whatchu got there?"
"Some kinda coconut-rum drink," you answered, plucking the pineapple off the rim and taking a bite out of it. "The guy at the bar called it a Piña Colada."
Zoro nodded, "S'it any good?"
"Might be a bit too sweet for you," you shrugged, holding it out to him. "But try it."
Leaning forward, he sipped a bit from the straw, his nose scrunching slightly.
It was incredibly sweet.
"Yeah, I figured as much," you giggled, amused by his expression as you took it back. "By the way, who was that girl that went running away from here? She looked scared."
Slightly, you leaned over to glance at her, who was sitting not too far away, and raised a brow as she quickly turned around, terrified by your gaze.
'The hell?'
"Was she in trouble or somethin'?"
Zoro chuckled, knowingly, his hand sliding up your side to give your hip a lackadaisical squeeze.
"Nah," he shook his head, finally leaning back and allowing himself to relax in the chair. "Just needed help takin' a hint."
"So... I miss anything while you were on your trip with Luffy?" Zoro asked with a smile, slowly gliding his oar through the sparkling ocean.
You lit up with excitement, suddenly reminded of the events of the day.
"I wish I dragged you along! You woulda loved it," you sighed, leaning back in your spot in the canoe. "Turns out this island isn't as peaceful as we thought. When we went to the edge of the beach, we found tons of monster-sized crabs and lobsters, all of them strong as hell."
You smirked, holding up your fist.
"Me an' Luffy made a game over who could beat the most, while Usopp kept count. And we ended up in a draw."
'Damn.'
That blew his day fighting off women right out the water.
He should've gone with you.
"What about you? Anything interesting happen while I was away?" you asked.
"Eh," he shrugged, moving his oar to the other side. "Nothin' worth mentioning. My day was honestly pretty boring."
But he was hoping to change that.
While you were gone, he found Nami and Robin on the beach, and managed to weave through theirs sea of admirers in order to ask some advice.
Things had been going really great between the two of you, and since you were always so good with surprising him with gifts and gestures, he wanted to try his hand at it.
Of course, he had no idea where to begin.
And while Nami was little to no help, spending most of the time talking his ear off about how brutish and hopeless he was, Robin recommended taking you out to the nearby cove for a romantic night.
So, after scrounging up his island allowance and buying some booze and a canoe, he swept you away, all of the day's tribulations fading to the back of his mind as he watched you sit down in his lap.
"Y'know, this is really sweet of you, Zoro," you smiled, your fingers carefully tracing the scar across his chest. "Makin' me feel all special..."
He nodded, eyes raking over your face with an almost analytical look.
God, you were so fuckin' pretty.
It was almost baffling.
If he wasn't in this canoe—
"Figured you deserved something nice," he cleared his throat, warding off the less than decent thoughts creeping into his head.
He couldn't keep the romance up if he was too busy thinking about jumping your bones.
But little did he know... you were thinking the same thing.
Shifting your position, you rested your knees on either side of him, smoothly moving to bury your face in his neck, placing firm, meaningful kisses on his flesh.
Instinctively, the man leaned into your touch, one of his hands coming up to steady you at the small of your back, while the other continued to paddle.
Gliding your manicured hands up his body, you rested them on his strong shoulders, using them for purchase as you continued to nip at him.
His chest rumbled with a deep hum at the feeling, relishing in the way your lips felt against his pulse point, sucking a hickey onto his skin.
Yet, just as it was getting good, you pulled away with a soft pop, moving to obscure his view of the water.
"I'm blockin' you. You can't see. What're we gonna do?" you grinned, cheekily, continuing to move in front of him as he tried to peer around you. "Oh, my Gods, we're gonna crash."
He looked up at you with a small smirk and a raised brow, amused, as you continued your antics.
"Oh, no. What's gonna happen?"
Suddenly, his hand roughly pulled you into his side, a soft squeal leaving your lips as he chuckled, allowing you to wrap your arms around his neck and continue your kissing assault while his two hands returned to the oar.
Nuzzling into the crook of his neck, you peppered lazy kisses on his skin, your hand coming up to card through the hairs at the base of his neck.
Tenderly, Zoro placed a few kisses of his own on your shoulder, his eye perking at the sight of your destination.
Robin had given him impossibly thorough instructions on how to get there, which is the only reason why you two hadn't miraculously made it to the next island.
"Hey..." he lightly nudged you as the boat approached the shore. "We're here."
Lifting your head, you carefully flew out his lap, touching down on the dry sand as he hopped into the shallow water, walking around to the back and pushing the canoe onto the shore.
"Oh, wow," you gasped, in awe at the beauty laid before you. "This is beautiful! Look at the view"
The moon hovered over the water, making the waves crystallize like diamonds below, just as the stars in the ink-black sky.
The sea breeze wafted your hair and cooled the sweat on your body from the heat of the day.
It felt good to get away from people, the serenity too nice to put off.
Suddenly, Zoro scooped you up, you in one arm and the case of booze in the other as he began walking toward the cove.
"It gets better," he smirked, leading you over to where the tall rocks flattened out and arched upward, turning themselves into a natural cabana.
Placing you down, he quickly gathered some sticks from nearby, before bringing them back and starting a fire.
And as he did so, you couldn't help but marvel at his body, thick, corded muscle flexing and extending under his skin at each minute movement, looking delicious enough to bite.
And that wasn't the blood-sucker in you talking.
You sighed in contentment as you tipped your head up towards the sky, admiring the stars twinkling above
Finishing up, Zoro plopped down beside you and threw an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side with a proud smile.
"Nice, right?" he chuckled.
You lazily nodded, wanting to stay there forever—among the water, stars, and him.
You peered up at him through your lashes, hesitant to speak in fear of ruining the moment.
Slowly, he wrapped his arms around you, engulfing you in them. And you let yourself be pulled into him, sighing when your head met the crook of his shoulder.
You embraced him back, crushing your breasts against his hard chest.
There, you two stayed, holding each other, linked together like magnets.
"You smell nice," he murmured into your skin, taking a deep inhale of you. "Like coconut."
You smiled, shyly, warmth rising to your cheeks at the compliment.
And after a few silent seconds, he pulled away from you, his eyes dark as the night sky.
"I'm gonna kiss you," he stated, curtly, his gaze alight with enamor.
You didn't get to say a reply, too preoccupied with the lips pressing against yours.
The kiss was hungry, your lips moving against each other's like you both were starving for one another.
And you were.
You could tell Zoro wanted the same thing you did when his hands moved below your waist to squeeze your ass, the feeling making you moan into his mouth.
He replied with his own grunt and pulled away, his eyes glazed over with lust.
"I wanna see you," he stated, his voice a deep rumble.
There was a molten tenderness in his gaze that had you shivering in pleasure and anticipation, wondering what else he had in store for you.
So you stripped.
Catching the hint, your hands glided up your back, pulling the string of your bikini top and letting your breasts fall out of the cups, along with the strings to your bottoms.
Zoro's eyes raked over the sight of you as if you were a piece of art he was admiring in a museum.
"Shit," he softly hissed to himself, amazed at the sight of your brown, hardened nipples.
You softly whimpered at his calloused hands caressing your sensitive breasts, causing him to move on to other matters.
He leaned in and latched his lips onto one of your nipples, where he began to suckle on.
You threw your head back to stare at the endless sky, your mouth open in an O as pleasured moans fell from your lips.
You couldn't help yourself, especially when Zoro began to suckle and flick his tongue along the sensitive bud of your nipple, his hand kneading your other breast in the process.
Then he switched, giving your other breast the same treatment.
Your hands found his hair, your fingers aimlessly wandering through the green strands.
You were ruining its somewhat even style, but he didn't seem to care.
He was more concerned with nibbling along your nipple, making you sharply inhale before your voice choked on a broken moan.
You couldn't take it.
All of this was going straight to your core, which was now throbbing and begging for attention between your thighs.
"Please, Zo'..." you whined, gripping his hair. "I need you to touch me."
With a cocky smile, the man nodded, slowly leaning forward to lay you down in the sand.
Your eyes flitted up to the torch lit beach across the water, realizing any eagle-eyed person could come out and see you naked.
"Wait... what if someone sees us?" you asked, uncharacteristically timid.
A devious smirk rose to his lips, and he pressed a reassuring kiss on your lips.
"Let 'em... They'll be in for a show."
Gently, he pried your thighs open, revealing your sobbing, wet core.
You watched his face change from playful to downright feral as he stared at your cunt.
You flushed at his expression.
'Gods, give me strength...'
"Zoro, I'm serious—"
He shushed you, leaning forward to press wet kisses along your inner thighs.
"No more talkin', pretty," he growled against them. "All I wanna hear is my name on your lips."
He continued to pepper you thighs in kisses while his hands pinned your legs apart, his hold on you firm.
He didn't want you hiding from him.
And it felt good.
You didn't stop him when he dove right into your pussy, first peppering your lips and clit in open-mouthed kisses as if he was making out with them.
It had been so long since the two of you'd gotten intimate like this, you nearly forgot the way the man worked his mouth.
Especially when he started to flick his tongue against your clit.
His tongue swirled around it and flicked it gently based on your responses.
And shit, you were responding well.
Your body couldn't help but react pleasantly to the sensations—your toes curling; your back arching; your eyes fluttering shut; your mouth falling open into an O as moans and gasps fell from your lips.
Zoro was not only good with his tongue, but good with his hands.
He reached up and played with your titties, tweaking and pinching your nipples according to your verbal cues.
"H-Harder, please!" you begged, to which he pinched the hard, brown peaks a little harder, the burst of pain making you gush all over his lips.
"Fuck, Zo'," you moaned. "That feels so good..."
Zoro hummed approvingly into your cunt, the vibrations making your clit quiver pleasurably.
"Keep feelin' good for me, pretty," he said between the wet flicks of his tongue on your rosebud. "Lean back and wrap your thighs around my head f'me."
Before you could even say anything, he was already tugging you closer by your ankle, earning a squeal from you.
He stood on his knees for a moment, taking you in.
His lust-blown eyes trailed up and down your naked form, drinking in every part of you.
Then he inhaled deeply, as if struggling to process the sight in front of him.
"Christ, you're so fuckin' gorgeous," he huskily said.
You had no idea what to say to that.
All you could do was shyly smile up at him as he stared down at you, both of you enchanted with each other.
Then he was ducking back down and throwing your thighs across his shoulders with ease, wrapping your legs around his head.
This gave him better access to your pussy so he could easily tongue-fuck you.
As soon as you felt the wet muscle entering your wet folds and his nose brush against your clit you were in heaven.
Your eyes rolled into the back of your head and your hands found his hair, gripping the blonde strands as your hips began to grind shamelessly into his face.
"Mmm-hmmm," he hummed approvingly, keeping up the pace.
He didn't pause or slow down.
He continued to work your pussy just how you wanted, making you see stars behind your eyelids and cry to the moon above.
It didn't take long for that feeling of release to dawn on you.
You couldn't help it.
His tongue just felt too good.
Plus, the atmosphere and the whole idea of getting caught in such a risque position turned you on more than you'd like to admit.
Zoro must've realized you were close because his jaw started to move fast, accompanying his tongue-fucking with porn-worthy grunts of his own that nearly threw you over the edge.
"Fuck, Zoro!" you whined. "M'gonna come!"
Eagerly, he hummed into your pussy, pulling his tongue out of your hole and proceeding to suck on your clit while his finger began to stroke the outside of your slit, barely touching your insides.
But it was enough to push you further and further down that road to releasing all over him.
His darkened eyes flicked up to yours, staring you down between your thighs.
"Come for me," he demanded. "Come for me, baby. Don't fuckin' hold back."
He grinned up at you, his eyes glistening in the moonlight.
He attached his mouth to your pussy again, and ran it until you couldn't help but fall over the edge.
"Come for me," he groaned into your cunt, becoming gradually louder as your moans reached higher pitches. "Come for me. Come for me. Come for me."
And you finally did.
That tight knot in your core finally snapped and a wave of euphoria washed over you as you came all over Zoro's face and eager lips with a loud moan.
You saw the entire galaxy and beyond as your pussy gushed, your body shivering and shuddering.
Your back arched and your hips widened into Zoro's face, trying to keep as much of the feeling going as possible.
When it finally faded, you were left feeling tired, spent, and oh-so good.
Zoro lazily cleaned you up, taking care to not overstimulate you as he ran his tongue over your sensitive, twitching core.
Then he lifted his head up away from your thighs, giving you a peak of his chin and mouth shining in your juices.
With the moon in his glazed eyes, he hummed to himself.
"You taste better than the rum."
#zorosangell#zoro x reader#roronoa zoro x reader#roronoa zoro#zoro#roronoa x reader#roronoa#op#op x reader#one piece x reader#one piece
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
show & tell pt. 2 (SMG x reader).
part of the love's an uncharted path universe ★.
SUMMARY:
After the… masterclass you gave Mingi the night before, you’re left anxious on what the future holds for you both. But there’s a pool party you promised you would attend and there’s not really time for you to figure your feelings out before your best friend shows up at your door to drive you to it. So maybe today is not the day to figure your feelings out, right? It’s just a pool party anyways, so nothing out of the ordinary is going to happen… right?
PAIRING: best friend!mingi x afab reader.
GENRE: childhood best friends (idiots) to lovers.
WORD COUNT: 11k.
WARNINGS: SMUT ☽ (MINORS DNI) anxiety attack, attempt !!! at comedy, wooyoung being a little shit part two ft jongho, a new oc being the voice of reason, reader is clueless and in denial i fear, jealousy, miscommunication, fighting so this part is just a tiny bit angsty :(, confessions, teasing, face sitting, hand job, car sex (don't do it in public people, it can get you arrested), pet names (love and baby), a plot line at the end none of you guys are going to get until my new wip drops but it's worth the wait!
NOTES: hey everyone! thank you so much for patiently waiting for this second and last part to drop. i think that, after this one, if you guys want to request any drabbles or if i come up with some scenarios for this couple i will post them but for now nothing is on the works. what is on the works is a wip that's part of the same universe as this one, so pay attention to the new characters i mention if you want any clues! this is 100% self indulgent, as all fics should be, and i think i've re-read it so many times that if you find a typo or something that just doesn't make sense, you can blame it on english not being my first language i guess lmao. i hope you enjoy it and if you do feel free to send to my askbox/reblog/type in any feedback or thoughts! <3
POSTED: july 28th 2024.
TAGLIST (sorry if i forgot anyone, pls let me know!): @vannerriin / @mingtinysworld / @purple-bell / @bakepotatoman / @nxy3h / @taehyungmami / @nxcxllxsevens / @breadpuddingboys / @hotteokkay
masterlist.
When you wake the next morning, the consequences of restless sleep show up in your face as a reminder of what happened the night before.
It's not that you regret it, it's more the fact that you feel so unapologetic about messing with the perfect dynamic you have with Mingi that caused you to toss and turn so much.
Last night, after putting your duvet back on and then crashing into the mattress feeling all tingly and giddy, you asked yourself a thousand questions.
The main one being: What the fuck did you do?
The words kept repeating over and over in your head, your voice of reason (or your anxiety) screaming at you to get your phone and make it right before everything becomes a complicated, unresolvable mess.
You had a brief moment of panic and heavy breathing, your chest tight with unspoken emotion and your eyes filled with tears.
It was too much, so you forced yourself up and paced around for what felt like hours trying to get your feet back on the ground. Nothing was working, so you sat down at your desk and rested your forehead against it.
When you didn't feel the usual coolness of the wood, a comfort sensation for when your studies got the best out of you for the day, and instead felt a pen almost stab you in the eye, you -very confused- leaned back.
Mingi’s notebook and the pen he didn't put back on the pencil case seemed to stare back at you lovingly instead of mocking you for losing control over your own emotions.
A sense of peace washed over you when you flipped the pages and landed on the instructions he wrote down. Memories of the amazing years you have had by his side started crossing your mind, like recomforting flashes that allowed your heartbeat to go back to normal:
The first day you saw Mingi, chasing behind a worn out soccer ball and then kicking it so hard it landed on your lawn.
The first time you two hugged, when your dad scolded you for having bad grades until you cried in front of him.
The way he held your hand before heading inside to take the college admission exam, last year of highschool.
His kind eyes. His reassuring smile. The way he made you feel just a few hours back.
There's no getting rid of me either, love.
We'll figure it out.
Letting a few contained tears run down your cheeks, you nodded to yourself as if he was there in the room with you.
Yeah, you'll figure it out.
And then proceeded to, very much, not figure shit out for the rest of the night. You could still feel his hands everywhere and hear his voice against your ear whispering how much he knows you and pays attention to you.
You are fucked.
It's all you can think about when you get ready for the day. It's all you can think about when you help your dad with lunch and when you let your parents know at the table that you are going out that same afternoon.
“Mingi is driving you, right?”
“Yeah…” you whisper in response, eyes focused on one specific spot at the table and mind a million years away from the conversation.
“Good. He's such a good kid, Y/N, I'm glad he knows how to take care of you.”
Choking on air when your brain finally catches up to her words, you look back up at your mother in shock “W-what?”
“Yeah honey, what? Y/N can take care of herself,” your father chips in, unaware of your red cheeks or the honest expression of panic you're giving both of them “She's a big girl that carries around that, uh… What was it?— Ah, that pepper spray I gave her, right?”
“R-right.”
He lets out a satisfied see? at your answer, gives you a tiny smile and gets up from the table to take his finished plate over to the sink.
Your mom stays behind, giving you a look you can't quite read before her usual calm expression washes it away. Only then, you can take a proper, very needed, calming breath.
“I need to get ready. Thank you for the food.”
“You made it, dear.”
“I mean! For taking care of the, uh, plates,” you clumsily correct yourself right away, getting up from the table as well “Love you. Bye!”
You don't miss the confused giggle on your way to your room and when you're behind closed doors, you finally take into consideration that you might be, in fact, overreacting.
Not much, you think, but just enough to give your feelings away. And it's truly a shame, because you were planning on concealing and bottle everything up until it, inevitably, blows up in your face.
Maybe not the smartest option.
If you bang your head against the wall with enough force maybe, just maybe it’ll help—
Someone's texting you.
> gi: heeeeey > gi: just woke up lol > gi: had the best sleep ever tho > gi: how are you, love?
Okay. So normal texting it is. Maybe your initial plan of just pretending nothing happened is, coincidentally, Mingi’s plan as well.
So you type in it's literally almost one, ya lazy and let your thumb hover over the send button, eyebrows creased at a sudden realization.
The casual texting annoys you.
Sure, Mingi is used to keeping everything casual between him and the people he sleeps with, but you're not just anyone! You didn't sleep together, either!
Oh, maybe that's why.
But it ticks you off either way.
Is he not feeling the same way you do? Did it mean something different for him than it did to you? What did it even mean to you in the first place?
Why, after all the panic you felt the night before, did you have any sort of expectation for today?
It doesn't make any sense.
You hit send.
> gi: aaaaand? > gi: god forbid a man gets a good night's rest after being thrown off a bed.
Scoffing, your eyes roll before you can even control it and, to your demise, the giddiness returns. You respond with did you get hurt? awww and raise a hand to your blushed cheek before sending the message.
> gi: yeah wtf > gi: my butt is all bruised. > gi: kiss it better?
Oh.
Not casual texting. At. All.
Or maybe it is?
Ugh.
Blanking on everything Mingi has ever texted you before, you decide it's best to entertain yourself by getting all pretty to sit around the house party tonight and do nothing else instead of torturing your confused brain any longer.
Using the help of an emoji to flip him off and, hopefully, gather yourself together enough to get ready, you shoot him another text rushing him to do the same because you don't want to be late.
And he usually takes forever to get ready anyways.
Showering with very cold water, taking a good thirty minutes to decide whether to wear something comfy and fitting or sexy and fitting for the party do the job when it comes to taking your mind off him for, at least, the time being.
Yunho was insistent the day before in that you didn't need to bring a bathing suit if you didn't want to, but you pack one anyways because you can sense Wooyoung's and Jongho’s intentions even if the youngest couldn't make it to your impromptu gathering yesterday.
They know you hate when they get away with annoying you and throwing you into the nearest body of water -in this case, Yunho’s pool- in front of many people you don't know (therefore, you are not going to able to go insane mode on them) seems like the perfect opportunity to get away with it.
The last time they did it you weren't really able to scold them properly either, so they laughed and pointed at you until you threatened to kick their asses in a very dishonest but playful way.
Mingi, of course, did nothing but laugh along with everyone else and then kiss your forehead as an apology later that day.
That was last summer and since then both perpetrators have treated you to meals and buttered you up enough for you to forgive (as if you didn't do that the morning that followed the incident) but you never forget.
Maybe you should. It would make the sight of Mingi parking outside your house easier, you think.
You're sure he's parking outside just to give your dad, who comes out to greet him with a hug, some peace of mind. He's very protective of you and he trusts Mingi even if he gives him a hard time everytime he sleeps over or takes you somewhere.
Like now, you have a very clear view through your window of the sermon he's giving your best friend. You don't hear it but he's moving his hands in the air way too much for it not to be a clear step by step on what to do if you run into any trouble on the way to Yunho's.
Mingi likes step by step and he's good at following instructions, so you don't think it's going to be an issue.
God damnit, Y/N, get it together.
Sighing, you pick up your bag, check your outfit once in front of the mirror, and rush downstairs and out of the door.
“You do know how to change a tire, son?”
Mingi is standing in front of your dad with his hands behind his back and a tight smile.
“Yes sir, my dad taught me and then at the school they made sure I didn't forget about it.”
“And make sure to—”
“Could you let the guy breathe, dad?”
They both turn to, your dad wears a mocking smile and you see Mingi’s tight one breaks into a genuine one a second later. A grateful one, even.
He looks really good. Which is insane, considering that to you he looked like Chewbacca just yesterday morning.
Crazy what a good orgasm can do to a person. Or maybe it's the first time you ever let yourself see him in this light. Either way, he's wearing light wash jeans and a fitted t-shirt that clings to him just right and it's going to drive you insane, you can just feel it.
“I was just making sure that he—”
“Knows what to do,” you nod “He knows what he's doing, dad. Stop giving him a hard time,” you give your dad a quick kiss on the cheek and then rush to the passenger seat, giving Mingi a glance so he can get in the car as well.
“Alright. Love you, take care!”
“Love you too, Mr. L/N!” Mingi says, getting into his seat and giving your dad the opportunity to see when he fastens his seatbelt. He doesn't say anything else, even though he didn't tell Mingi specifically that he loved him and instead gives you both a nod of approval.
When Mingi finally drives off your street and into the main one, you sigh in relief.
“He's neeever going to trust me, huh?”
“He trusts you,” you say right away, cheek resting against the seat so you can take a proper look at him “I'm his only daughter and you're a man after all. Cut him some slack.”
“He never cuts me some slack!” he fights back but you just laugh and he can't help but join you “You look really good, by the way. A dress? Are you trying to impress someone?” The tone he uses sparks the remaining tension from the night before, like zero time has passed since he kissed you goodnight by your front door.
When you got into the car with Mingi, you didn't consider that you two would be alone for, at least, forty minutes before getting to your destination. Your mind skipped the fact that he has this new ability to fluster you by just existing near you and you curse it for not letting you prepare well enough for the way he's looking at you right now.
“Obviously,” you answer in a whisper, clearing your throat a second later “Wooyoung needs to be distracted so he doesn't tackle me into the pool the second we get there. Don't know if it's gonna work on Jongho, though.”
Mingi clicks his tongue, baring his teeth and pretending to really think about it “I don't think so, love. You'll have to bribe him into considering dropping their whole summer schtick for you.”
“You can help me with that.”
“Can I now?”
“Yeah. You can just… lock him up in a room and my dress can do the rest of the work.”
Your best friend laughs and then takes a hand off the steering wheel to roll the hem of your dress in between his thumb and index. His knuckles brush against your thigh and you almost -almost- make a noise at the sensation.
“It's not the dress, love… It's who's wearing it.”
A bit of silence passes within the both of you.
“Shut the fuck up, Song Mingi.”
Laughter fills the car and drowns out the honking on the other side of the street and you wonder why you were worried in the first place.
Nothing has changed.
Aside from the intention laced with the flirting, it feels the same way it ever did and you couldn't be more glad because now that you know Mingi doesn't hate you (like you thought for a brief moment last night) or wants to hard launch a relationship that doesn't exist to your friends the second he gets them all together in the same room, you can enjoy the car ride and the evening that's about to follow it.
So you flirt with him freely, listen and sing along to songs that just feel like summer summarized in three minutes of exquisite writing and roll your window down once Mingi takes a turn into a hill, trees replacing the buildings you're so used to seeing.
Your friend is rich rich. His family makes good money and his parents go on lots of business trips. That being said, it's the first time you actually attend one of his parties, and so when you get to Yunho’s house and ring the doorbell, you’re caught by surprise because you can already hear the loud music playing in the backyard and the blend of new and familiar voices through the thick door.
You expect him to open the door for you but Seonghwa’s smile is the first thing you see before you and Mingi both have the opportunity to step in.
“You made it!”
“It's pretty hard to miss this house, Hwa.”
Your older friend side-hugs you and stays by your side while Mingi takes it upon himself to put your bags for the day in the pile of other bags next to the door “How are you doing today?”
You're about to answer but when you look at him, you see him staring at Mingi, so you do too. He's staring at Hwa with a little smile “I'm doing good. I blocked her and everything and I can confidently say that…” he turns to you “My ego’s not bruised anymore.”
If Seonghwa catches the spark between you and you best friend, he decides to ignore it “That's goo—”
“Mingi!”
What the hell is she doing here?
Not, not that bitch from yesterday but this girl who Mingi meets with sometimes. You don't really know her, you just know she's gorgeous and that her name starts with an h, maybe?
She's a fashion major and it shows in the way she's dressed up today. Truly, an enjoyable company whenever she's around at frat parties, a saving grace when you're tired of surrounding yourself with only men.
Right now? She's your worst nightmare.
Wrapping her arms around Mingi’s neck and getting on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek, she smiles like she knows she's getting laid tonight and your best friend does nothing to pull her away.
She doesn't even say hi to you before dragging him to the backyard! You and Seonghwa follow them and when she takes Mingi’s arm and pulls him over to -you assume- introduce him to her friends, you almost stomp your feet like a little kid.
Trying to get rid of the annoyed frown on your face, you turn to Hwa with a teasing smile and your eyebrows raised.
“Well fuck me, am I right?”
“I might!” Arms wrap around your waist and you feel Woo’s chin resting on your shoulder immediately after “That's a very nice dress, Y/N.”
If Mingi was next to you, like you want him to be, you would give him a I told you so glance. Instead, you just look at Seonghwa with absolute horror before he snickers and goes away.
“Right? And it looks horrible when it's drenched in nasty chlorine water.”
“You can't possibly know that.”
“I know a lot of things and— No! Woo, please don't,” you beg when he lifts you off the ground for a second. Behind you, you hear laughs and, even though you can't see them, you know it's San and Jongho “I just got here and I haven't even changed yet, please.”
He turns you around and hugs you properly this time before letting you go. You take the opportunity to punch him in the arm and then go over to San and Jongho to do the same.
“We'll let you get your swimsuit on this time.”
“You're so considerate, Jong. Seriously, they're going to give you the Nobel prize if you don't stop.” He mocks you, repeating what you just said in a higher pitched voice and you laugh as you sit next to Wooyoung’s ex-girlfriend, Gyuri.
San also has a girl sitting beside him with his arm around her, but you don't really know her so you just wave at her. They're all in their bathing suits already “See how he tried to flirt with me to try to get me with my guard down? He's a monster.”
“And in front of me, too? The nerve on this guy.” Gyuri, of course, backs you up immediately and you want to return her smile, but you can see Mingi from the corner of your eye and it's distracting.
“Oh, they're ganging up on me already,” Wooyoung whines, sitting down in front of you both and handing you a drink “It's like my worst nightmare.”
“He's enjoying it, don't let him convince you otherwise,” San says, getting up from his seat and taking his girl with him “Especially coming from you.” He points at Gyuri and you laugh.
“We're just friends now!”
“That's what you told me like three years ago before—”
Wooyoung gets up to chase after him and San lets go of the girl's hand to try to get away from him.
Turns out, you're not the one Woo tackles into the pool. This time, him and San crash down on the water hard and a few droplets of water wet your feet. Gyuri laughs and everyone else does too when they realize what's happening.
Jongho gets up and joins them in the water soon after to try and help (kinda, not really) San escape the wrath of his best friend.
You almost miss it, because you take the opportunity to look at your best friend and, when you do, he's already looking at you.
Breath catches on your throat and the lump that forms afterwards has a name and a reason: Mingi is looking at you with so much longing it physically hurts.
He looks like wants to drop everything and come and confuse your fragile mind even more, just like he did the night before.
Then why the fuck is he there with whatever her name is and her friends and not sitting right next to you?
You look away, grasping your drink for emotional support and convincing yourself you're starting to see things that are not actually there.
“Why the fuck are y'all fighting this time?!” Yunho comes from inside the house and it's the first time you see him today “No choking! No running! It's literally in the rules!”
“Wooyoung please let go of my boyfriend!”
Ah. So she is San’s girlfriend. Still, you turn to Gyuri to ask.
“Who is sh—”
“San’s new girlfriend, Kyungmi. We don't give a fuck about her or San right now, we're mad at them,” you want to ask who we is, because Wooyoung seems like he's just playing, but she interrupts you again “What the fuck is going on with you and Mingi?”
Huh?!
You make a quick mental review of your plan. Conceal? Clearly it didn't work. Bury your emotions deep so no one notices? You probably can't recover from the way you smile just dropped.
The only thing left on the list is pretend that you're insane, but you're not sure it'll work either. So you turn it on her: “Nothing much. He played Espresso like three times on a row on the way here and I almost kill him, but—”
“You can't bullshit me, Y/N.”
Great, that didn't work either.
“I saw that. Seonghwa did too but he got up before I could convince him to ambush you,” she dramatically sighs, chugging the rest of her drink down “So, what is going on?”
“Nothing,” that much is true “he's literally with a girl right now.”
“And she will never mean as much to him as you do. Next.”
“Gyuri… I really don't know what you want me to say.”
Squinting her eyes at you suspiciously, Gyuri takes her time before answering and you fidget in your seat a little. Wooyoung liked her for a reason, she's feisty and goes straight to the point and it's something you usually admire but right now it's not the time for her to do this.
“I just thought maybe it finally happened…” She whispers and shrugs the entire conversation off before getting up “Let's head inside. They're going to start grilling meat at any second and I also don't want to be near Wooyoung when he gets out of there.” She points at him and you laugh.
Jongho has him in a chokehold and Yunho is trying to separate them while San desperately swims towards his girl that's still waiting for him near the edge of the pool.
“Sure thing.”
You pretend you don't feel Mingi's eyes on you as you move.
This is not unusual. Whenever you all go to parties, hosted by someone inside of the friend group or not, you end up separating from Mingi.
He does his thing. He's outgoing and he likes dancing while you enjoy conversation and drinking away at the rest of the party, occasionally making out with someone and calling it a night when your social battery runs out.
So you hang out with Gyuri in the kitchen until the sun starts going down and when the last ray of it disappears you decide it's time to swim a bit before you're too tipsy for it to be safe.
Grabbing your bag and greeting some new people you don't know at the door, you head up to the bathroom you are told by the host himself it's upstairs.
When you're tying up the strands of your swimsuit, the door slams open and you jump and cover yourself up with your hands because you're not able to finish the job, so the strands fall down and the only thing holding the top part of the fabric it's you.
“What the fuck, Mingi?”
Turning around, you're only able to look at him through the mirror.
“Lock the door next time! What if it was somebody else?”
“People usually knock!”
“I didn't mean to scare you, it's the door’s fault,” he makes a fool of himself trying to prove it “See? I— let me help you with that,” he closes the door again and, this time, he locks it before taking a short step and grabbing the strands of your top “It's the second time this week I scare you like that, huh? I’m sorry, love.” He ties the strands together with a secure knot and his apology finally allows your tense muscles to relax.
You remind yourself that there's no valid reason for you to be mad at him. You'll figure it out, he said it himself, and maybe today is not the day to do so.
But he's not stepping away once he's finished, he's not even saying anything else before his hands grab your waist and his chest collides to your back.
Looking at him through the mirror again, you silently ask him with your eyes what he thinks he's doing. He ignores you, bending down so the tip of his nose can trace the skin on the side of your neck.
“I missed you,” his voice sounds like honey when he says it and you, once again, curse the ability he has to make you crumble “and you disappeared like an hour ago.”
You let out a sigh.
“I was in the kitchen, Mingi, not missing and we were in the same space for at least twenty minutes before that and like… forty minutes in a car, together.” You remind him and he frowns “Besides, you were with Ha… Haneul?”
“Hanni,” he corrects and you huff out a whatever “and she was introducing me to some of her friends that are in the same major as me, just a year over.”
“Cool.”
He pecks your shoulder. You do your best to not melt completely into him and fix your hair in the mirror.
“Y/N…” he starts and you hum in acknowledgement “I missed you.”
It pisses you off for some reason. The mature thing to do is to let him know but the words that leave you are petty and laced with annoyance.
“I’m sure you did, buddy.”
He grins against your skin and you turn around to face him, eyebrow raising.
“What's so amusing?”
At your tone, he seems taken aback but his smile stays curving his lips upwards.
“I'm just really happy to have this moment with you,” he says, matter of factly, and you press your hands against his chest to regain some personal space. He doesn't budge an inch “What's going on?”
He's such a guy sometimes.
“You're here, kissing my neck, while a gorgeous girl who I'm sure is waiting for you downstairs is probably bragging to her friends about how she's going home with you tonight and—”
“Y/N, I'm literally taking you home.”
“I can easily take a car back— Mingi, seriously,” taking a deep breath, you stare at him with all the honesty you can gather “I don't want to do whatever this is if afterwards you're going downstairs to dance and flirt with Haneul or whatever her name is.”
He looks like he wants to correct you on it again, so you level him with a daring glance.
He keeps his mouth shut.
“And I also don't want you to hurt her feelings if you tell her you can't leave with her tonight, so—”
“I don't give a shit about her feelings, love.”
“Mingi, don't say that!”
“I don't! I wasn't flirting with her at all, either! Listen, it's…” he stops to chuckle for a few seconds “I mean, it's adorable that you're jealous but there's no reason for you to—”
“Shut the fuck up, Song Mingi.”
It's the second time today you have said those exact words to him. The first time, you also felt your heart bang with such force against your rib cage but for a completely different reason.
“I'm not one of the girls you fuck on the side when you're horny or bored out of your mind. Don't fucking treat me like one.” You warn and suddenly the image of you telling him that teaching him yesterday could mess you both up crosses your mind.
“I'm not, Y/N! I'm just saying that you look adorable when you're—”
“Jealous? Why would I be jealous when we are not together, Mingi? I'm literally looking out for the girl!”
“You don't even know her name, love.”
“That's not the fucking point!”
He finally takes a step away from you, closing his eyes and taking a calming breath, surely.
Now you're pissed off because he saw right through you and your words.
That disgusting weight on your chest you felt back by the pool while you kept staring at him from the corner of your eye? Jealousy.
Now that he brought it up, it makes sense.
You hate it.
You always hated being put in a position where you felt the need to compare yourself to others. Always hated how easy it is for anger to run through your blood and infiltrate every waking thought until it clouds your judgment.
Because you shouldn't be angry. He just said he didn't care about her feelings.
And yet, all you can think about is that he spent an hour with her instead of you.
When he turns to you, there's a storm in his eyes and you just don't want to hear it tonight.
“Save it, keep it, sleep on it and we'll talk tomorrow,” picking your dress from the spot on the floor it's been sitting all this time, you put the fabric on, take your bag and then unlock the door “I’m going home.”
You don't give him the opportunity to say anything else before getting out of the bathroom but you do hear a groan when you're rushing downstairs.
Yeosang and Yunho are just leaving the kitchen when you trip on the last step and the host jogs the few steps to you after laughing.
“There you are, Y/N. Listen, there's some meat already grilled back there but we're—”
“I'm actually going home, Yun,” you cut him short “I'm not feeling that well. My plan was to swim a little before leaving but I don't think I can do it.”
“Did something happen or…?”
What happened is coming downstairs as he asks.
“Nope. Nothing, I just think I'm catching a cold or something. Thank you so much for inviting me though!” You hug your friend quickly, kissing his cheek before pulling away.
“Always…” Yunho is very observant but, as you always do, he doesn't press you with questions about what's going on “He's taking you home?” Pointing behind you, you don't have to turn around to get what he means.
“Ye—”
“No. He's having a great time here, I don't want to get in the way,” you shrug “I'll just get an uber or something. Don't worry.”
Yunho frowns slightly, eyes moving from your face to over your shoulder.
Immature. Petty. Rude.
You're sure that's the way you’re coming off right now. But feeling anger bubbling behind the smile you give Yunho, you think it's better they make their assumptions instead of actually seeing you upset.
You move to hug Yeosang as well and he murmurs his farewell. When you turn around, Mingi is no longer there and you don’t spare a look towards the floor to ceiling glass windows that separate the living area from the backyard because you're sure he's sitting right beside that girl again.
As he should be.
You bolt for the door, giving your friends a tiny smile before going down the few steps and into the hill. It's already dark and you're sure no uber driver it's going up this hill for the tip you're able to offer them, so you figure your best shot is to go down and try to find a cab on the main street.
The light from your phone illuminates your scowl as you walk. Past the bushes and the trees and the lines of parallel parked cars where Mingi’s Lexus is.
You don't notice him there until he opens the backdoor to block your step.
“Get in the car, I'm taking you home.”
Closing the door he just opened to stop you, you shake your head.
“I told you I'm getting a ride and—”
“I don't give a fuck. Get in the car.” And then he's opening his door and closing it so fast it gives you no room for debating.
He's angry. Shit.
You can't even see him through the tinted window to assess how much damage you have done, so you look down the hill one more time and wonder if making the run for it is worth it.
When your phone lights up with a notification from Gyuri asking you if everything's okay and to make it home safe, you take it as a sign to round the car and get into the passenger side with an annoyed huff.
The engine comes to life. You're not looking at him but at the trees until the leaves start showing the building lights in-between them and soon you're on the main road.
You can't even ask him to turn the radio on. Stubborn, you refuse to let the anger inside of you dissipate in fear of shame taking over. It's better being angry than being ashamed, at least in this exact moment because you can practically feel Mingi's anger through the silent treatment.
But you need to say something. The silence is suffocating and the street is surprisingly empty so you can't distract yourself with anything.
“You shouldn't have bothered.”
“I am bothered. You bothered me.”
Clenching your jaw, you turn to him in disbelief “I told you to stay at the goddamn party so we can fix this tomorrow but I bothered you?”
“Did I stutter or something?”
“No, you're just not making any fucking sense!”
“Yeah, fuck this,” you see him look around, biting the inside of his cheek like he's holding his words in “We're fixing this right now.”
The car makes a harsh turn and you have to grab the door for support.
“Mingi!” He's not listening to you anymore. His hard gaze stays on the road, it feels like forever before he pulls into a somewhat empty parking lot and when the vehicle stops you go to open the door and get the fuck away from him before you two kill eachother inside this car.
That's an exaggeration but with the way he turns off the car and unbuckles his seatbelt, you know your pride doesn't stand a chance.
The summer breeze briefly hits your face before his hand is on yours, closing the door and preventing you from, once again, escaping the situation.
Frustrated, you let out a loud groan “What the fuck is your problem?!”
“I don't know, Y/N! But I'll tell you what your problem is, alright?” he chuckles. It's a humorless sound, his face painted in something you've never seen before “Your problem is that you assume you know what everyone else is feeling and you assume you're right. But intuition can only get you so far, love, so I need you to take your head out of your ass and think logically for a second.”
Flabbergasted, you think you murmur something in your defense but he cuts you short.
“No! You didn't let me get a word out back there so now you're going to shut up and listen,” he pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes “You assume you're smarter than everyone else but you're actually so dumb. Dumb, you're acting very dumb and reckless, Y/N! That back there?” he points out of the window to nothing but you know what he means “Leaving— Scratch that. Leaving me and not giving me a chance to say anything back? Trying to go down that hill alone and in the dark? Stupid.”
Staring back at him with watery eyes, you don't even know what to say back except a whispered excuse me?
“And usually I would beat up anyone who even dares to call you that but I guess all these years I've been wrong about you. Because if you were smart, you would've realized that Hanni means nothing to me and I mean nothing to her. There's nothing, she loves appearances and that's it.”
You knew that already, but you're not giving your stance up.
What even is your stance? Ah, right, he treated you like an envious no one back there and not like his best friend.
“Yeah, I can tell you mean nothing to her from the whiny tone and the hug and the dragging you to meet her friends, Mingi.” Scoffing at the memory, your lips press into a thin line.
“Well, she's a friendly girl!”
“She didn't even say hi to me!”
“So she doesn't like you, Y/N! Who cares!” you sure don't but, again, you just stare at him in disbelief and his open arms, palms to the sky “Do you care? Because I don't! And guess what? I doesn't fucking matter if she likes you or not or if she wants me or not because I like you!”
What?
“W-what?”
“I like you! And I'll choose you over her and everyone else again and again and again until you notice but fuck it's so tiring. You're so fixated on why I let her drag me to her friends that you completely ignored me the rest of the time we were there and maybe if you looked at me more than once you would've realized that I was staring back at you the whole afternoon!”
You let out an annoyed chuckle “So you were, Mingi.”
“I was! I was trying to get you to look at me and notice how bad I wanted you to come over, rescue me from that boring ass conversation, grab my hand and claim your place right beside me because—” he pauses, resting a hand on the steering wheel and looking at you like he can't believe he has to spell this out for you “Because I want nothing more than for her and everyone to know I’m yours! I'm sure everyone already fucking knows too, except you. So yeah, sometimes, you're pretty fucking dumb for such a smart woman, Y/N.”
Words escape you. They escape your mind, your reason and your pride shrinks until it disappears behind all the love you feel for Mingi.
So that's what you are feeling. That's what you felt yesterday night when the tiredness couldn't drown out your thoughts of him and all he meant to you.
Love, love, love. In all its forms, in all its possible scenarios. Your heart burns for it and you used to think that your hopeless romantic desires began and died with the movies you tend to see and the books you tend to read, that it was impossible to feel this way for anyone but there he is, chest heaving in the yellow interior light, waiting for you to say something back.
“And I realize that before yesterday I showed no interest in you but believe me when I say that I—”
Shakily, you interrupt him with whispered words, heart soaring and hands reaching out to cup his beautiful face “Shut the fuck up, Song Mingi.”
When you kiss him, you make sure to pour out everything you couldn't say a minute ago into it.
When he kisses you back with the same feeling, it crosses your mind that he already forgave you.
And when he grabs your waist and drags you over the break handle and the transmission to collide his chest against yours and drag his tongue along the seam of your bottom lip, you think that, for the first time ever, you have to tell him he's right.
You are stupid. Stupid for not realizing it sooner, stupid for confusing his longing stares for something platonic, stupid for thinking you could wait until tomorrow to tell him he has the right to see and be with anyone he wants to because this is it.
This. The way your entire body comes alive when he sighs into your mouth and groans at the way your knee opens up his legs to make room for you on his side of the car and partially on his lap. The way his thumbs run through your cheeks and dry the tears you didn't even feel falling down. The way your heart jumps frantically and the way its beats could get confused by his because you're so close.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, you can't recall a time Mingi didn't make you feel this exact same way. It's overwhelming, it expands through you like a fire and it knocks the remaining air out of your lungs enough for you to pull away and rest your forehead against his, shaky breaths tangling together and fingers grasping the neck of his shirt in an attempt to ground yourself.
You sniffle, incapable of not feeling emotional over his confession and your realization “I'm sorry, Mingi. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for treating you that way I was… I behaved like…”
“An ass.” He nods and you look at him with the ghost of a smile tugging at your lips.
“Yeah,” you nod as well “I was an ass. A jealous ass.”
“I know, love.” He whispers, eyes moving on your face before his lips are on yours again, briefly, sweetly, even if you don't feel like you deserve it “You tend to forget that I know you, hm? That I've seen you jealous before? You were an ass back then, too.”
“Okay! Okay, stop calling me an ass, I get it.”
“I'm sorry for waiting for you to do something when you didn't even… I guess you didn't know, right? The way I feel about you?”
“I know now,” you whisper back, nudging your nose against his and then putting some distance so you can see him better “I feel the same way, by the way. We're shit at communicating, apparently, so I'll just tell you now that—”
His lips are on yours again and he's giggling against them and shaking his head when he pulls away. Brown eyes search for yours and you're not sure what he's looking in them but he seems to find it, his muscles relaxing against the leather of his seat seconds later.
So you kiss him again. And again and again until your back starts hurting and the steering wheel is pressed uncomfortably against it, forcing you to shift on his hold.
“Let me… Wait.” He lets you go to pull his seat back and then closes his legs, forcing your knee to fall on his other side so you can fully straddle his lap “That's better. Now come here.” And then he’s grabbing the back of your neck and stealing your breath away again with another kiss.
The tension shifts right then. When he can fully feel you pressing up against him and when a noise escapes you once his hands drop and give your bare legs the attention you didn't even know you were craving.
You thought a second ago that the sweet kisses would stop once you were both sated with the sweet aftermath of all the yelling and confessing but now you don't want it to stop.
There's a lot to catch up on, a lot of missed time you need to make up for.
You still want to make him feel good. The sparks from yesterday come alive again and soon you're yanking the strands of dark hair with your fingers and letting your mouth explore the skin of his neck. When you sink your teeth into his skin, he lets out the same noise he did the night before and you smile against the mark you just made.
His lips find your shoulder and he breathes hard into it once your hips start moving at their own accord, slowly yet firmly, the pad of his fingers digging hard on your thighs until you break away from his neck to focus on his face again.
“This goddamn dress, love.”
Humming, you caress his red cheek with your lips “What about it?”
“Been thinking about it all day…”
“It worked, by the way.”
“Woo?”
“Mhm. Distracted him so he didn't throw me in the pool right away.”
“And Jongho?”
“Probably plotting against me right now.”
He laughs softly into your skin “Probably.”
Chuckling as well, you stop your movements and take in how he looks. Gone, a little too fucked up from just making out, lips swollen and eyes clouded with something you're getting too familiar with, too quick.
“Worked on you, too.”
He smiles and shrugs, letting his head drop into the headrest “You look good in everything, love. It doesn't really matter what you wear.”
“Oh?”
A firm hand trails up your body, slowly, from you leg to your hip, your waist to the side of your breasts and your until it cops your face with affection you never imagined you would experience.
“I have always thought you are the most beautiful girl to ever exist.”
This is it.
Leaning into his touch, your lips connect to the palm of the hand holding you before you lean forward again.
“I love you, Mingi.”
He doesn't seem surprised by your confession and you're glad he knows. It doesn't really matter if it's too soon, if you even mean it in a romantic way or not, the love you have for him transcends all labels.
“I love you too, Y/N.”
And his does too.
You kiss him until it hurts.
He kisses you until you're gasping and your body is pleading for more.
The both of you kiss each other until you're sure nothing else will replace the taste of one another, that it will linger forever even if your paths stop crossing at any point in time.
It feels like you're trapped somewhere where the clock doesn't tick at all, where you can take your time exploring him with your mouth and your hands.
And then it doesn't.
The fabric of the dress starts bothering you, his tight shirt is suddenly not tight enough and the hardness steadily growing and pressing into your core is screaming for attention you can't give him with all these clothes on the way.
He feels it too, fingers tracing the hem of your dress for the second time today and then they're under it, pulling at the fabric up until it bunches on your waist.
You're still wearing the swimsuit he helped you put on earlier but it does little to conceal how affected you are. Looking down, you're not even ashamed of it when he follows your eyes and lets his linger on the patch of wetness darkening the color of the bottoms.
Still, he moves his hands upwards again and soon you're struggling to get the dress off, considering you're almost bumping the roof of the car when you straighten your spine to do so.
“Wanna know what crossed my mind when I saw you in the bathroom?”
When it's finally off, he immediately goes for it: His index tracing your collarbone and slowly descending, his short nail dragging against your skin before the rest of his fingers join, right in between your breasts, where there's fabric holding together the top of the swimsuit.
He could easily tug on it if he wanted to. Instead, he ignores it and presses the heel of his hand against it, forcing you to lean back and almost bump into the steering wheel again.
Unable to speak and panting, you only nod as a reply to his question.
“How easy it would be to get on my knees and eat you out. I thought: What if I just…” Using his other hand to mess with the knots that keep the left bottom part of the swimsuit together, he demonstrates what he means without actually doing it, his eyes following the motions “Undo these, get on my knees and make her come all over my face?”
“Fuck, Mingi…”
“You would like that, wouldn't you?” He smirks without actually looking at you, the hand on your sternum traveling down against your skin before joining the other one, teasing the knots on the right.
“Y-yes.”
Maybe he can see it on your face, the sudden nervousness at the scene he painted before you, because he grabs one of your hands and brings them to his lips before drawing you close again “Please tell me your idiot ex-boyfriend ate you out when you were together.”
Blush darkening, you make a face that gives the answer away.
He groans “He's worse than I thought, fuck. Come here.” And without any warning, the back of his seat goes down until it touches the backseat with it.
Bracing yourself against his chest, because you went down with him as well, you huff out a surprised laugh “Go where?”
“Up here. Let me teach you something tonight.”
“Mingi…”
“First, you need to make sure your hands are clean—”
“Stop,” laughing, you interrupt his bad attempt at teasing you with the same words you used on him yesterday “There's no real support for me if we do this, where do I even—”
“Knees here,” he motions the backseat and you could actually do it, but you would have to sit on his face instead of hovering like you imagine it would be more comfortable for him “hands here” he points to the grab handle and the headrest of the passenger seat and then straightens his spine a little, bringing his face closer to you so he can whisper right into your worn out lips “Turn the light off, I'll do the rest.”
He looks like he's going to kiss you but then he falls back onto the seat with an excited smile curving his lips.
What a tease.
So of course you turn off the light and prop yourself up into the position he wants to. It's challenging, the car is not that small but it feels like it is and you very much would rather do this on a bed, spare his back and yours in the process, but excitement also runs through your body and your brain stops making up excuses for why should deny yourself of the pleasure of Mingi using his mouth to make you see stars the second his fingers undo the knots and peel the bottom half of your swimsuit off your body with ease.
Lips trailing up your inner thighs and hands on each side of them, holding you in a secure position, Mingi doesn't tease you much before attaching his mouth to your heat and your subconsciousness flies out the window when his tongue flicks your clit.
You look down at him and the sight of him enjoying himself has you beaming, the warmth spreads through you and the zeroes on your pussy. You don't even try to quiet down your moans, completely forgetting that you're in a public parking lot that can fill up at any second.
But paying no mind to it either, Mingi also moans encouragingly into your wet folds when your hips move a little, chasing that high.
He shifts his focus to your entrance, his tongue working itself into you and when you move your hips again at the feeling, his nose bumps into your clit in a way that has you grasping the headrest for support, right hand slipping down and resting on the window while your mouth hangs open and your eyes shut close.
“Mingi… Baby, fuck, I'll—” he adds his thumb into his ministrations, pressing it against your clit the way he did yesterday and it only takes a few side to side movements for you to come undone on his mouth.
And again, the intensity of your orgasm takes you by surprise. It's obviously not as intense as yesterday's but it still got you trembling so you want to curse him out for being that good at what he does.
He eases you into it, slowing his mouth and you only register that it leaves you completely when your thighs are being kissed tenderly.
Breathless, you look down at him and catch his smile before his teeth are sinking into your skin and forcing you to hiss out a laugh “Good?”
“Yeah,” you smile, climbing down from your position and hovering over his lap in an attempt to not ruin his jeans. It's very obvious he enjoyed it too, his crotch holding the evidence tight and probably painfully against the fabric there “Really, really good.”
You want to get on your knees and return the favor, make him squirm in pleasure, but the space is not working in your favor. So even though your thighs are hurting and sweat is dripping down your neck, you start working on the button and zipper of his jeans before he sits up.
He wants to say something, but your tongue is touching his and tasting yourself on it before he gets the chance. Clumsily, a little too far gone for your liking as well, you are able to get through the layers of clothes and let your hand hang over his dick “Are you gonna make me beg for it today?”
“You don't have to, love.”
“Beg?” you ask with a smile that he reciprocates “Or touch you?” your free hand brushes the hair out of his face, sliding down until you're propping his chin up with it, thumb tracing his bottom lip softly “Because I want to touch you. I want to make you feel so, so good, baby. Please.”
He kisses the pad of your thumb and then takes it into his mouth, tongue caressing the tip of it until you're panting again and then nods.
That's all the permission you need before taking him with your hand and pulling him out of his boxers. Taking your hand out briefly, you gather up saliva and spit right into it.
Mingi lets out a noise at that. Interesting.
Starting slow, you focus on his expression. Testing the waters, taking note of what he likes because, unlike him, you probably pushed to the corner of your mind every sexual conversation you two had before yesterday. You take a second to look down at it, the size is no surprise but your mouth waters at the image of you taking him into the heat of it.
Maybe another time. For now, you focus on making him feel good with the little you can offer him in the enclosed space of his car.
He mouths at your neck, choked up sobs vibrate through the skin on your collarbone and your top gets moved to the side so he can mark the side of your boobs as he pleases. It sets the fire inside of you alive again, your folds getting wetter when he rolls his tongue around your nipple and then throws his head back when you twist your hand in a motion he seems to really enjoy.
“Just like that, love.”
To your delight, he's not quiet. He's loud, he's grabby, taking the opportunity to hold onto your ass and press down on the skin when you tease his slit and gather his precum on your fingers so you can spread it around his cock and your hand can slide easier.
Movements get sloppy once he's close, he's no longer paying attention to you and you welcome it as a great sign, his hips bucking into your hand and he moves you forward until you're sitting on his lap again.
The only thing preventing your pussy and his dick from touching is your hand.
You glance at him and he looks back, probably the same idea popping up into his mind so you nod once.
The car moves as you two move around, to the back seat, the spine of his seat up and the entire thing moving forward to make space for him next to you, over you, on top of you once he kicks his jeans and boxers off to the floor.
You reach out to him in a silent plea and he bends down to kiss you soft and moist and hot and breathy, sensually, with sweet sounds escaping both of you when you reach under his shirt and lift it up until he gets what you want. Discarding it with the rest of his clothes, your top follows it and the contentment you feel when his naked chest touches yours is unmeasurable.
There's no real room to move around and there's not really any patience left within both of you, so when he apologizes when he moves his hips where he shouldn't and his tip brushes your entrance, you pull back from his bruising mouth.
“Condom. Now.”
He obliges right away, searching on his jeans for a minute or so and when he comes back he's smirking like he can't believe you “When I told you we needed to raincheck I didn't mean it to be like this. Bossy.”
Even if you're punching him on his chest and giggling at his breathy words, you take the teasing with pride “You started it, Mingi!”
Putting the condom on skilled and fast, he's soon resting his forehead against yours and kissing you softly again “I wanted you on my bed…” his lips trail down and the giggles die on your throat as he's kissing it, a moan escaping you “On your back or knees or riding me…” he continues in a whisper going down and down and down, giving your nipples attention before going back up and taking your mouth in his again “Making a mess on my cock…”
He takes the opportunity to enter you slowly and you gasp at the stretch, wet enough so it doesn't hurt you but you're unfamiliar with him, with his size splitting you open deliciously.
“F-fuck, Y/N.” Mingi leans back to watch you take him in and you whine again. Tilting your head back, you let him work himself in and you moan loudly when he almost bottoms out “Look at you…”
You don't. You can't. He's pressing his thumb on your clit again to ease you through the stretch and it makes the heat pool in your belly like you didn't come in his mouth a few minutes ago.
Slowly but surely it gets easier for him to rock his hips into you, mouth parting in pleasure when you remind yourself to look at him. His abdomen tenses when you run your nails against the skin there, softly, until you're detouring them into his back and sinking them in just enough to have him whining at the feeling.
“Baby… Harder.”
“Yeah?”
Hips bucking up to meet his at a particularly hard trust, you reach up to him so he can rest his body weight on yours. Close like this, with the pace picking up, the knot on your lower half tightens and threatens to break.
“You take me so well, love. Fuck, always knew you would,” you know he can feel your walls tightening around him at the praise, because he smiles and kisses you once before continuing “My pretty, pretty girl… Taking my cock so well…” he punctuates his words with the roll of his hips and you cry out, holding his face in between your hands, his eyes never leaving yours.
In this position, his lower abdomen bumps into your clit and it's soon tipping you over the edge.
“So good, so good, oh— Oh, God.” You're mumbling incoherently while Mingi keeps whispering sweet nothings and then the tension on your belly breaks. It takes three seconds of your walls pulsating around him for him to groan loudly into your mouth and come undone as well.
The only thing you can hear is breathing, all you can feel is breathing. His against your chin, yours blowing on his hair when you rest your cheek on his temple.
It takes a second to gather yourself again and when you do, you tilt your head back to give him a chaste kiss that he returns.
“That was so good, baby.” You tell him and he smiles, nodding in agreement “I am sticking to the fucking seat though.”
Mingi snorts and just like that the energy shifts back to the usual you. Only this time, you come back to it knowing that no one’s ever going to have you the way he does.
He slips out of you, doing his thing with the condom and you sit up, looking through the windows and becoming aware of your surroundings for the first time since you got there.
There's a car parked far away from you that's empty and the rest of the cars that were near it have left. You wonder how long this all took, because you lost track of time the second he told you he likes you.
Chest still heaving and boxers now on, Mingi rests his back on the door and takes your hand in his “Is it dumb of me to assume you're my girlfriend now, love?”
“Is it dumb that I assumed that's what I was when you said you like me?”
“No,” he answers right away “not dumb at all.”
Smiling, you nod “Then I'm your girlfriend, Mingi.”
He beams at that and then he's crowding you again “Say it again.”
“I'm your girlfriend.” you repeat, enunciating each word and giggling when he nuzzles his nose into the crimson on your cheek “I’m yours, baby.”
Resting his forehead against yours, he hums in contempt “Good, because I've always been yours too.”
“There's no way! You two... together? Guys… See, that would be me if I didn't see it coming but I'm smarter and cooler than everyone here so I did.”
Wooyoung's over the top reaction has Mingi throwing his head back in a silent laugh and you staring at the black haired guy, unamused and a little offended.
It's two days later and, as usual, you're at Wooyoung's and San’s apartment hanging out.
After putting your clothes back on and going for some well deserved food, Mingi took you home, kissed you goodnight and showed up the next day after class to break the news to your parents.
Your mom almost cried. Your dad too, but for a completely different reason.
In the end, they both agreed they saw it coming and when you told Mingi’s parents, they said the same thing and invited yours to have celebratory dinner without you.
What happened in Mingi’s room after was worth missing dinner anyways.
Mingi and you decided to break the news when most of the group showed up for movie night and you were nervous to see their reactions.
But everyone seems unaffected by it.
“I knew you guys liked each other the second I met you. Ask Gyuri, she agrees with me.”
“Sadly, I do.” Wooyoung's ex looks at you from her spot by the door, where she's getting her shoes on.
She winks at you and you fake a gasp, falling into your boyfriend's lap with an annoyed huff.
“And no one told us?!”
“Sorry, Y/N. We didn't want to get in the way.” Hwa is apologetic and Yeosang nods alongside Hongjoong but you gape at them like they betrayed your trust.
“To be fair we didn't know till’ last week, love.”
“She didn't know.” Gyuri corrects him and now you turn to her to give her the betrayed look “You were pining over it for six months already.”
“I say it was more like nine but…” Hwa shrugs and sips his cup, giving the man holding you close a knowing smile.
Oh, they definitely talked about it, huh?
“Nine months and no one cared to fill me in, huh?”
“I’m sure Mingi did—”
“Wooyoung!”
“Well I didn't notice.” Yunho interferes with a shrug and gives you a recomforting smile that doesn't work at all.
San laughs “That's because you're a puppy that can't even tell when someone likes you.”
“Am not!”
Everyone, including you and Mingi, make a noise in agreement with San.
“You're one to talk, though, leave the puppy alone.” Gyuri tells her ex's best friend and Wooyoung laughs at him when his smile drops.
There's some story there you don't know.
“Guys… Does someone like me right now? Be honest.”
Yeosang is about to tell him something but Jongho interrupts.
“Enough with the love talk! Can we start the movie?” But he's pressing play already, so the answer doesn't really matter.
Gyuri laughs once and Wooyoung makes his way over to her to give her a hug that she enjoys for one second tops before pushing him away.
“Enjoy everyone! I'm so happy for you two, by the way, not that these neanderthals would tell you to your face but I'm sure they're too.”
“Thank you, Gyuri.” Mingi murmurs from behind you and you mouth a thank you as well before she leaves for the night.
Something about her best friend having a boy crisis.
You don't miss the way San’s eyes follow her until she leaves or the way he looks at Woo, something clearly worrying him.
His best friend ignores him, though, so you confirm that might just be a little pissed off at him after all.
“Tell her to text you what happens.” San asks Woo once she leaves and he rolls his eyes.
“Mhm. I’ll tell her to stop calling us neanderthals too.”
You smile “Well, she's right.”
“Nuh-uh!”
Jongho has to stop the movie and you see him sulk while everyone else is arguing. Some of them, like Hwa and Yeo, are siding with you and Gyuri. And the rest of them, like your boyfriend, are telling them off.
When you turn to face him, his argument dies mid-sentence because he stops to smile at you. He takes your face in his hand and kisses you for the first time ever in front of everyone else. The group stops the argument to tease you both and you laugh into his mouth.
A cushion is thrown at you and Jongho gets up to separate your faces before sitting beside you with a pout on his lips.
“Can we watch the goddamn movie?!”
You're the happiest you've ever been.
If you read all the way down here: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
© jensthwa, 2024.
#ateez#ateez x reader#song mingi#song mingi x reader#mingi#mingi x reader#mingi smut#ateez smut#ateez imagines#ateez reactions#ateez hard hours#ateez hard thoughts#mingi hard thoughts#mingi hard hours#AAAAAAAAAAAA i don't think this is as good as the first part was but i hope you enjoy it ! let me know#askbox is open as usual <3 thanks!#fic; s&t
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
we can't be friends (but i'd like to just pretend)
pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader
prompt: four times you spent a holiday with your best friend Steve Harrington and one time you didn't and missed him.
word count: 10.2k
warnings: friends-to-lovers, everyone can see it (including steve and reader but they're both kind of in denial), mutual pining, characters in their mid-twenties, fluff and (some) emotional angst, steve uses a cheesy nickname for reader, mentions of partying and alcohol consumption, some swearing, no use of y/n
notes: hi all, this is the first reader fic that i publish here, so bear with me, i tried my best <3 in light of the year-end celebrations, this fun little idea of a fic came to me and i decided to give it a shot, so i hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it <3
🥂🥂🥂
“What are your resolutions for the new year?”
You looked up from your glass of champagne when Steve asked you that question out of the blue. You were both leaning against the kitchen island at Nancy and Jonathan’s apartment, distractedly observing your friends playing a drinking game you had both stepped out of. You were glad to allow your friends their fun, but mostly, to have a reason to get some alone time, just the two of you. A silent agreement, as always.
“You know I don’t believe in resolutions,” you answered before bringing a flute smudged by your red lipstick to your lips.
“Oh, come on, kitten, humor me for a second.”
You raised an eyebrow at him while he waited for your response with a cheeky smile. You heard Robin burst into laughter from the living room, but you were too focused on Steve’s loose strand of hair and the woody scent of his new cologne to acknowledge it.
“Fine,” you obliged him. “Well, I resolve to quit drinking coffee, exercise more, and buy a new and well-functioning car.”
“You’re full of shit,” Steve laughed. “Like you’re ever going to get rid of Gina.”
“Of course I’m not getting rid of Gina, she’s my ride-or-die,” you said, referring to your personified old car.
“Yeah, emphasis on ‘die’ – you're missing a rearview mirror in there.”
You nudged him playfully, briefly losing your balance but Steve helped steady you immediately, putting a hand on your hips that hovered there longer than necessary. You chuckled for good measure but couldn’t help the heat that rushed to your face.
Everyone knew you and Steve had a thing for each other. It had been that way since high school – lingering looks in the hallway between classes, overly tactile during a mundane conversation, pretending to forget something at the other’s house to have a reason to go there again… Everyone knew it, was used to it, and never mentioned anything about it – you and Steve included.
Nothing had ever happened because the timing was always off. If it wasn’t Steve who was dating someone, you were; then you moved away to go to college, and when you came back to Hawkins after graduating, Steve had just left for an internship in New York. Eventually, you grew tired of the never-ending “what-ifs” and made your peace knowing that Steve Harrington would always be more than just a friend but less than a lover. A fine line you both tiptoed in and out of too much over the past eight years.
“What about you?” you eventually asked Steve. “You’re corny as shit, you must have a lot of them resolutions in mind.”
“I only thought of a couple, and they’re not that corny.”
“Let me be the judge of that.”
Steve laughed again, running a hand through his hair as he reflected on what he’d say. You admired him while he did so. It was frustrating, still having that teenage crush on your longtime friend, not being able to let it go, not entirely at least. You sometimes wished you could be his friend the way Robin was to him, or Eddie was to you. It would make it all so much easier, so much less painful than this in two minds you were both stuck in, this blatant desire for more, this fear that it could all be ruined in seconds, poor decisions fragmenting the illusion of a blissful friendship.
“I thought about learning how to play the guitar.”
“Cliché,” you teased. “What else?”
You could see the turn the conversation had taken when Steve hesitated before talking – looked nervous, even.
“Moving out. Getting my own place.”
You stared at Steve, quiet. You couldn’t say you were surprised – he’d been roommates with Eddie since they both enrolled in community college a few years ago. Even after graduating and getting a job, they stayed that way, because it was simple; splitting the bills, having someone to talk to after a lonely day. But it could only work for so long. It was only a matter of time until one or the other got bored and needed a change of scenery. To you, it was no surprise Steve had that revelation first.
“You sound serious,” was the only comment you could express.
“Because I am,” Steve said. “I started looking at one-bedroom apartments to rent in the neighborhood.”
“Does Eddie know?” you asked.
Steve pursed his lips as he shook his head from left to right. You hummed and couldn’t help but look at the young man in question, with his curly hair tied back in a bun and his poor imitation of some football player his team had to guess the name of. You loved this friend group – you loved the dynamic, the hijinks, and the stability. You loved hanging out with Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan at Eddie and Steve's apartment. You loved everything about it and the thought of losing your bearings, of disrupting your habits, made you too sad for the 31st of December, five minutes away from another midnight of confetti, embraces, and promises.
“You’re the first person I told,” Steve eventually said, breaking the silence that had settled between you two. “I thought you could share some of that wisdom you have to advise me.”
You snorted, lazily knocking your shoulder against his arm. “You buttering up to me, Harrington?”
“Only if it’s working.”
You got lost in his beautiful brown eyes, aware of the subtlest things, like his pinky finger brushing your hand timidly, the mint toothpaste on his breath, or how perfectly he wore the sweater you gifted him. It felt so right, standing close to him and toying with the possibility of the unknown. It always did with Steve.
“Okay guys, it’s officially one minute away from midnight, gather ‘round!!” Nancy exclaimed, clapping her hands to get everyone’s attention.
Reluctantly, you left the little bubble of peace and happiness you had created in the kitchen, Steve following closely behind. As you started counting down from ten, surrounded by all your closest and dearest friends, you only had eyes for Steve.
It had become a habit since you first celebrated New Year’s Eve with him years ago – you couldn’t help but wonder if he’d kiss you at midnight. It was a fantasy you’d entertained ever since you were eighteen, the final and first thought of each year that passed without ever becoming real. Each year, naively, you thought it’d be different. But each year, it was the same old song all over again.
As the clock struck midnight and cheers erupted among the friend group, you hugged everyone. You saved the best ‘til last, heart beating frantically as Steve wrapped his arms around you. You buried your face in his neck, getting drunk on his cologne – pathetic, disillusioned.
“Happy New Year, kitten,” Steve whispered in your ear before kissing your cheek – soft, tender, and terribly platonic, as usual.
“Happy New Year, Harrington,” you kissed his cheek in return, the trace of your lipstick leaving a mark on his skin like a temporary tattoo.
And you were too busy thinking about the undone to notice that this year, Steve held you in his arms a little longer than usual.
🌹🌹🌹
“Bro-lentine’s Day?”
“Is that one of those boys band they keep talking about on the radio?"
You held back a laugh at Steve’s question and Eddie’s comment regarding the odd suggestion Robin had just made. The four of you were waiting in line at a Wendy's drive-thru in Steve’s car, the crescent moon shining its feeble light in the night sky above.
“Why would you even think about spending Valentine’s Day with your loser single friends when you have a beautiful girlfriend you could shower with gifts?” Eddie asked, to which Steve, behind the wheel, concurred immediately.
“I mean, I obviously love you guys, but I mostly suggest that because Vickie’s working a night shift on the 14th and I figured it’d be nice to hang out together, the four of us, instead of just… I don’t know, being alone?” Robin admitted.
“Oh, so we’re your stand-ins?” Eddie exclaimed, feigning offense under your amused attention. “Classy, Buckley.”
“That sounds a hell of a lot like a pity party, Rob,” Steve pointed out.
You laughed along as Robin kept putting her foot in her mouth. It was often like that – Robin and Eddie gently bickering in the back seats while you exchanged knowing looks with Steve, in your designated seat at the front of the car.
The only difference was this time, when Steve searched for your eyes to have a silent laugh with you, you avoided his gaze, pretending to look in the distance, thinking about something you needed to say to him but couldn’t find the courage to.
“Okay, fine,” Eddie eventually yielded. “Let’s do this thing. But I have one condition – we go to Steve’s new apartment.”
“Excellent idea!” Robin exclaimed, enthusiastic.
“I told you guys, I’m not done unboxing my stuff, the place is a mess,” Steve argued as he started the ignition to move forward.
Robin rolled her eyes. “You say that like you have a thousand boxes.”
“It's his plethora of hair products - they take up a lot of room,” Eddie teased, which made Robin snort.
“You’re both hilarious, seriously, I can’t stop laughing,” Steve said with a straight face.
“So, it’s a deal,” Eddie said. “Bro-lentine’s Day at Steve’s new place – no, I’m sorry Rob, you’ll have to find another name, I hate how it sounds when it comes out of my mouth.”
“What do you think, babes?”
You only focused back on the conversation when Robin called your name, looking away from the constellations in the sky.
“Hmm? Oh, I’m sorry babes but count me out of this one,” you said with a sorry smile.
Robin laughed, thinking you were probably messing with her. Steve was driving slowly now that the line ahead finally seemed to clear.
“Right, because you have something better to do on Valentine’s Day, of course,” Robin joked while Eddie chuckled.
You tried not to take offense because you knew it was some innocent banter, but it didn’t stop you from frowning.
“Actually, yes, I do,” you contradicted. “I have a date that day.”
The car braked abruptly, causing a blast of horns from the vehicle behind and surprised yelps from the back seats.
“What the fuck, Harrington??” Eddie ranted. “That’s why I keep telling you you’re a shit driver, seriously, how did you manage to get your license, man?"
“Sorry, I got… distracted for a sec’,” Steve apologized.
You couldn’t bear to look Steve in the eye, so you toyed with the bracelets around your wrists and stared at your shoes, waiting for your friends’ reaction to the news.
“Is it someone we know?” Robin asked bluntly. “It’s the cute guy from the music shop at the mall, isn’t it? I knew he had a crush on you, you’re the only one who got Like a Prayer for half price.”
“It was… actually a twenty-percent discount,” you corrected, even though none of your friends cared about that information.
“Who even asks someone out on Valentine’s Day?” Eddie asked himself out loud. “We have three hundred and sixty-five days a year, why choose this nightmare of a commercialized day deliberately?”
“I think it’s cute,” Robin shrugged.
You attempted a smile, but it was nowhere near convincing. Robin and Eddie weren’t even paying attention to you anymore, discussing with each other the pros and cons of a first date on the 14th of February. You gathered the courage to look at Steve, decipher his expression. He might’ve been trying to get your attention a moment ago, but now, he was just staring in front of him, both hands firmly holding the lower part of the wheel.
“So, you’re really going to abandon me with these two idiots, huh?”
Your laugh at Steve’s rhetorical question was a mix of amusement and relief. If there was one thing that meant more than anything to you, it was the harmony between you two. You knew that as soon as you or Steve dated someone, that harmony was threatened. It had happened before. It was a fatality.
“You’ll be just fine,” you assured softly. “It’s just one night.”
Steve chuckled, finally making it to the pickup window. “Yeah, you’re right. Just one night. Easy-peasy.”
At that moment, you couldn’t have imagined that on the 14th of February, you’d find yourself knocking on Steve’s door at ten in the evening, makeup ruined by your disappointed tears, holding tight to your coat and shame in the cold evening air.
When Steve opened the door and saw you standing before him, he blinked at the unexpected sight of you sniffing and shivering.
“What are you doing here, kitten? Is everything okay?”
As soon as you heard Steve’s voice and the concern he displayed, it was out of your control – another tear rolled down your cheek.
“Oh no. Come here.”
You didn’t need to be asked twice- when Steve opened his arms at you, you dived in, letting him hug you tight, accepting his warmth and empathy.
“Dude stood you up?” Steve asked, voice muffled as his face was buried in your hair.
“Worse,” you said. “He was there.”
Steve huffed, because it could’ve been a funny anecdote if not for the dried mascara that ran under your eyes.
“So, we’re not going to the music shop again, huh?”
“I never said it was the guy from the music shop,” you pointed out.
“You never denied it either.”
You snorted and you felt Steve smile against your head. He was the first to part from your embrace, but you were under the impression he could’ve stayed like that much longer.
“What’s taking so long, dingus?” Robin shouted from the living room. “You need help with the pizzas?”
“It’s not the pizzas,” Steve retorted as you stepped inside the apartment.
Both Robin and Eddie turned around on the couch and looked equally surprised to see you there.
“Is it okay if I crash Bro-lentine’s Day?” you asked sheepishly.
“We’re not calling it that!” Eddie said in a singsong.
“You’re more than welcome to crash Bro-lentine’s Day, babes,” Robin told you while wrapping her arm around your shoulders as you sat next to her.
“I give up,” Eddie sighed before heading for the kitchen.
“What did the loser do to get you like that?” Robin inquired, touching your face where the tears had dried.
“Honestly, he wasn’t even that bad,” you explained. “He just… wasn’t what I expected. I guess I’m tired of getting my hopes up and ending up disappointed every time.” You paused, reflecting on that state of mind. “It’s stupid, I know.”
“It’s not stupid,” Robin contradicted with a sympathetic smile. “It’s Valentine’s Day, anyone would’ve expected a perfect date.”
“Hence why you don’t date on that doomed day.”
“Can’t you just let it go already, Eddie??”
You smiled softly at your friends’ innocent quarrel, and you realized in the end, there were no other people you’d rather spend the day of love and romance with.
So, you settled comfortably on the couch in Steve’s new apartment, surrounded by dozens of wrapped boxes and your closest friends with a glass of wine and a cheesy movie to watch, sharing the details of your date with them.
“Well, his loss, darling, not yours,” Eddie said in conclusion to your story.
“Definitely,” Robin nodded.
You smiled lightly and you thought maybe, just maybe, they were right.
“Why are you smiling like that, Harrington?” Eddie then asked.
“Hmm? Oh, no reason,” Steve answered casually before finding a tiny spot between you and Robin on the couch.
🎉🎉🎉
There was nothing more frustrating than being late to meet your friends and having your car’s engine make that hideous sputtering sound as you kept putting the key in the ignition without it ever starting.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” you echoed in sync with the car’s noises.
“I see Gina’s being cranky today.”
You glared at Steve, sitting in the passenger seat and enjoying himself a little too much.
“It’s too hot outside, she doesn’t like it when it’s too hot,” you explained to yourself more than Steve.
“It’s the 4th of July, kitten. It’s always hot on the 4th of July.”
“Thank you so much for this enlightening forecast, Harrington, have you ever considered a career in meteorology?”
You bit your lip when you realized how harsh your comeback had sounded. You slowly turned your head to lay regretful eyes on your friend.
“Sorry,” you winced.
“You’re good. I think I know why Gina’s cranky today – she takes from her owner.”
You rolled your eyes but didn’t bother denying it.
The sun was starting to set in a sky adorned with pink and orange hues only summer could take credit for. The air was hot, crickets chirping and bees buzzing while the whole town was already busying itself in preparation for the incoming festivities.
For the past six years, on Independence Day, you’ve met all your friends by the lake on the outskirts of Hawkins to have a barbecue with beers and watch the fireworks. It was a tradition you all honored religiously each Fourth of July.
Except this year, Robin was celebrating with Vickie’s family, Eddie was working at the music camp, which meant you were spending the evening with Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve, a group hangout that looked an awful lot like a double date, and it worked yourself up into quite a state.
“Did you get the Buds?” you asked Steve as the ignition still wouldn’t start.
“Packs in the trunk,” Steve answered straight off.
“And the blankets?”
“In the backseat.”
“The radio for the music?”
“Nance’s taking care of it.”
You fell back in your seat after failing one too many times to start the car and just closed your eyes, sighing heavily. You wiped your hands on your shorts, the summer heat getting the best of you, chest heaving and patience hanging by a thread.
“We can take my car tonight, maybe Gina needs the rest,” Steve suggested. It irritated you even more.
“We always take your car, tonight’s the one night a year we take mine,” you argued, putting the keys in the ignition again.
“We’ll take yours another time, then, it’s no big deal.”
“No,” you just said.
Without a heads-up, you got out of the vehicle. Steve followed you as you opened the hood to check the engine. You were rough in your endeavor, hair falling out on your face and hands quickly stained with oil.
“Why are you being so stubborn today?” Steve asked you, tone cutting sharp like a knife.
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are! You can tell as much as I can your car’s not going anywhere tonight, mine’s parked right behind and ready to go, so why are we losing time for nothing?”
“She’s just being picky right now but I’m getting there. She needs a little boost and she’s good to go,” you insisted, wiping the back of your hand on your forehead before realizing it’d smudge the oil.
“Yeah, sure, at this rate, she’ll be good to go for Thanksgiving,” Steve said ironically.
You shut the hood close abruptly, shooting daggers at Steve as he stood in front of you with his arms crossed. He looked just as irritated as you did.
“You’re being an asshole,” you stated matter-of-factly.
Steve snickered, eyebrows raising like he couldn’t believe what he just heard.
“Oh, I’m the asshole in this situation? You’re a fine one to talk!”
“Are you seriously turning the tables on me right now?!”
“I’m not, you’re clearly in a mood today and you’re taking it out on me! Last I heard, I’m not a punching bag!”
Your face twisted into a scowl because Steve annoyed you a great deal, but mostly because he was right. You were far from being good company today, and today was meant to be fun, chill, eventful. You could blame it all on Gina, but you knew that was just the tip of the iceberg.
“I’m just saying I’m going to get the car started just fine, all I need is a few minutes to figure it out. And we’re already late anyway, they won’t hate us for the extra ten minutes,” you said as you opened the hood again.
“This is not about the car and we both know it,” Steve stated, sure of himself. Of course, he was – he knew you like the back of his hand.
You closed the hood as soon as you opened it, walking closer to Steve to face him properly.
“Maybe you should take it easy if you want her to work, you know,” Steve remarked.
“Why don’t you just say what’s on my mind, Steve? Since you apparently know it better than I do,” you hit him with your words.
“But that’s just the thing! I don’t!” Steve exclaimed, his voice raising an octave. “I don’t know what’s going on with you right now and you won’t tell me a goddamn thing!”
“You already know what’s going on with me, I made it perfectly clear – I want my fucking car to start so we can go and meet our friends, as we do every year!”
“And I made it perfectly clear that we can take my car, so why are we still arguing about this??”
“Because it’s the way things are supposed to be!!”
The silence that followed that revelation felt intrusive. You couldn’t wait for Steve to tell you off, to argue with you some more, but instead, he didn’t say another word and just stared at you, dumbfounded. It allowed you to reflect on your behavior of the past ten minutes and you immediately dropped your eyes to look at your shoes, ashamed.
“What do you mean?” Steve asked you then, voice softer.
You sighed and looked in the distance, avoiding his gaze.
“It’s the tradition. On the 4th of July, you come to my place to help me pack everything, we take my car to pick up Eddie and Robin on the way to the lake, we meet Nance and Jonathan there, then, you and Eddie set the barbecue while Jonathan and I take care of the music, and Nance and Robin lay the blankets to make us cozy. And we eat and drink until they shoot the fireworks from downtown – it’s how the day is supposed to go.”
“Right, and it’s how it’s going to go today,” Steve assured, confused.
“No, it’s not. Rob and Eddie are not there this year, and because of Gina, we’re late and missing out on the sunset.” You paused, taking a breath. “It’s what I look forward to the most. Watching the sunset on the lake with you guys. All of you.”
Steve relaxed his shoulders and breathed out like he finally made sense of the underlying problem. He stepped closer to you and his hand cupped your face, willing you to look him in the eyes.
“Okay, I’m going to take a wild guess and assume it has something to do with Nancy and Jonathan talking about moving to Chicago next year for Nancy’s job,” Steve said. “Am I boiling or getting colder?”
The rhetorical question elicited a weak smile on your lips.
“I know Chicago’s not that far from Hawkins, but… I like the way things are right now, you know?” you explained while Steve listened, nodding. “I like that we can hang out whenever we want to, show up unannounced at each other’s place, and whatnot.”
“You can still do that if they move to Chicago. It’ll just take you more than three hours to get there,” he teased you.
Steve did it – he made you laugh. “I’m not so sure Gina would survive the trip.”
“I’ll let you borrow my car, then,” Steve whispered, and even though you were bantering, it sounded like a promise.
You chuckled, the knot in your stomach coming undone as Steve put his thumb to your forehead, stroking where you had wiped the oil stain earlier.
“You look like shit,” he told you unceremoniously.
“And you’re a shitty friend,” you bit back, making you both smile.
Friend. The denomination never felt strong enough to define what you and Steve meant to one another. Yet, it was the only one you used, the only one that brought you comfort, especially in those blurry moments that kept you wondering why that boy had always been so sweet and kind to you, even when you felt undeserving.
You jumped at the sound of a car honking from the street, bringing you back to reality as you and Steve turned your heads to see what happened. You felt amused, and somehow relieved when you saw Nancy popping her head out the passenger window of Jonathan’s car like a beautifully staged interruption.
“Oh my God, you guys are late too?” Nancy shouted at them. “I told Jonathan to go over the speed limit, and as you can imagine, he was not happy about it.”
Steve laughed, and you followed suit because it was almost ridiculous, how perfect the situation had turned out. Sure, things felt different this year, with winds of change impending, and the future of your friend group unclear. But at least, you were all on the same page.
“While we’re here, get in the car with us!” Nancy offered, gesturing for you to come closer. “Maybe we can still catch the sunset.”
You exchanged an amused look with Steve, silently agreeing that your uncooperative car and your latest conversation would remain a secret you’d share only between you. Your friends didn’t need to know the reason why you were late.
So, you and Steve hurried to put everything in Jonathan’s car, climbed in the backseat, and made it to the lake just in time to admire the remnant of sunset and put everything into place to wait for the fireworks.
And as you put a blanket over your and Nancy’s shoulders, the fire crackling in the quiet of the evening around you, you couldn’t help but search for Steve’s eyes. He was already looking at you, sitting across the fire next to Jonathan. You smiled when you realized, and he winked at you, playful, secretive.
Maybe you were lying to yourself, in the end. Maybe you didn’t mean it when you said you liked things the way they were. Maybe there was one thing you wouldn’t mind changing, you thought as you looked away from Steve to look up at the fireworks now erupting in the sky above.
🎃🎃🎃
“I’m not sure I get it, Robin – who are you dressed as?”
“Are you seriously asking me that question, Nance? Marty McFly? Don’t tell me you still haven’t watched Back to the Future!”
“I didn’t have time.”
“In five years, you didn’t have time to watch a two-hour movie?”
“I work a lot, okay?!”
You were only half-listening to Robin and Nancy’s bickering as you finished getting ready for the Halloween party that your high school classmate Tina and her best friend Vicki Carmichael threw every year.
Usually, on the 31st of October, you would just crash at Steve and Eddie’s former apartment with the group, stuffing your face with popcorn and watching horror movies. But this year, the boys didn’t live at that apartment anymore and it was the last Halloween you’d all spend together in Hawkins before Jonathan and Nancy moved to Chicago next January. You all agreed it called for a memorable celebration, hence why you were now getting ready with the girls at your place.
“So, you mean to tell me you haven’t had time to watch Back to the Future, but you had it to watch all three Star Wars movies, judging on your costume?” Robin asked while Nancy grunted in frustration.
“I told you last week, me and Jonathan are wearing couple’s costumes – he’s Han Solo and I’m Princess Leia, obviously,” she explained while pointing at her long white dress and peculiar hairstyle.
“Couple’s costumes,” Robin repeated. “Kids these days, they’re just talking nonsense.”
“It’s romantic and fun, you’re just jealous you didn’t think about it for you and Vickie,” Nancy retorted as you were starting to think you were in the middle of playground taunts.
“Oh yeah, I should’ve asked Vickie to dress as Doc, it would’ve been crazy romantic,” Robin sassed.
Once the heels were at your feet, you turned around on your chair to stare at your friends.
“You two realize how stupid your fight is, right?” you chipped in.
“We’re not fighting,” Robin and Nancy said in unison.
You rolled your eyes and turned back around to face your vanity and finish your makeup, but it was too late – you had involuntarily drawn the attention to you.
“And who are you dressing as, hot stuff?” Nancy cooed while smirking at your reflection in the mirror.
You hummed the Dirty Dancing theme song to answer her question, and she nodded approvingly, taking in your pink dress and silver heels.
“I love it,” Nancy smiled.
“Thanks,” you said as you stood up. “And you two look equally great, so stop biting each other’s heads off.”
“So, if you’re Jennifer Grey, does it mean Steve’s dressing as Patrick Swayze? I could see him pulling that off.”
Robin’s question took you aback for it came out of nowhere. You gaped at her, face warm and thoughts racing.
“Hmm, no, he’s not. That’d… be a great couple’s costume, for sure. But we’re not a couple, so…” you stammered, awfully self-conscious.
“Well, yeah, but you might as well be.”
“Robin,” Nancy reprimanded her with warning eyes.
“What??” Robin exclaimed while you watched, confused. “It’s not like she doesn’t know what I mean, it’s been going on for years, this… whatever this is. And honestly, we’re all tired of pretending like we can’t see it.”
Nancy blushed, embarrassment written all over her face as she rubbed a hand over it.
“I don’t… understand,” you admitted, tugging at the hems of your dress to anchor yourself in the moment.
“There’s nothing to understand, babes,” Nancy said softly. “Robin was just joking. Right, Rob?”
Nancy was now glaring at Robin, who had no option but to concur. It felt like you were missing something there, and you didn’t like it. Were your friends talking behind your back? Were they annoyed at your relationship with Steve? Annoyed at the ambiguity, the unsaid, the attraction? Was it all that obvious as of late?
“I’m sorry, guys,” Robin said with a sigh. “I had a fight with Vickie earlier today and it messed me up a little bit.”
“Oh, babes,” Nancy softened, hugging Robin from the side.
“I know that’s no excuse for being a jerk,” Robin winced in your direction.
“You’re all right,” you said with a sympathetic smile, and both Robin and Nancy seemed relieved.
The three of you talked Robin through her problem until it was time to meet the guys outside. Nancy was the first to exit the apartment, but Robin lingered by the front door, hand hovering hesitantly above the handle. Eventually, she made up her mind and turned over to face you.
“I just want you to know that I’m really sorry for earlier,” Robin told you.
“It’s okay, Rob, I get it. You were upset about your fight with Vickie and said stuff you didn’t mean. It’s fine, it happens to all of us,” you said, wondering why Robin had felt the need to bounce back on that.
“No, but see, that’s the thing – I did mean it,” she contradicted. “I just didn’t say it like I should’ve.”
“And how should you say it?” you asked with a frown.
Robin looked uncertain now, fidgeting where she stood. You imagined that if Nancy were still in the room with you two, she’d probably give Robin an earful.
“When I said that we’re all tired of pretending like we can’t see what there is between you and Steve, I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” she elaborated under your undivided attention. “It’s just… We’re your friends, and you know, as friends, we want what’s best for each other, I’m sure you feel that way about us too –“
“Robin, cut to the chase, please,” you interjected before she could lose herself in her explanation.
“We just think if you two admitted what you’re both obviously feeling for each other… You could be very happy together. And the rest of us would be too because damn, we’ve watched it happen since high school and it’s about time one of you does something about it, babes.”
You stared at the door behind Robin, wishing to run away from this conversation that was too much for you to handle. It was the first time one of your friends confronted you on the matter, upfront, and you had no idea how to react.
“I’m not expecting you to say anything, don’t worry,” Robin added. “I just wanted you to know what everyone else is thinking. Do what you want with that information.”
You opened your mouth to respond but you heard the distinctive sound of Eddie’s van parking on the street, your sign that it was time to go and end this conversation for good. You rushed to the door, opening it before Robin could and hurtling down the stairs to some extent on your heels. Once you were outside, you breathed in slowly, calming down and processing what one of your best friends had just confided to you.
You and Robin met Nancy on the curb as Eddie slid the van’s side door open to let you in the backseats.
“Evening, ladies,” Eddie greeted.
“Wow, you’re Elton!” Nancy exclaimed after studying Eddie’s costume, a white ensemble with feathers and glitter that was the singer’s signature.
“You could get that but not mine?!” Robin exclaimed, almost offended.
“Move on, Rob, and let’s have fun tonight,” Nancy teased her while sitting near Jonathan, dressed in the easily identifiable Han Solo outfit.
Robin took the passenger seat next to Eddie, leaving you with no choice but to sit next to Steve at the back of the van. Of course. Almost like it had been on purpose, you thought to yourself.
You settled next to him and you were almost insecure, something you’d never felt around him. You resented Robin for not knowing best, and not keeping her mouth shut.
“Hey, kitten,” Steve welcomed you as you smoothed the edges of your dress.
“Hey, Harrington,” you said in return, attempting to smile at him.
You studied his costume as he studied yours. Aviator sunglasses on his head, green jumpsuit, sleeves rolled back under his elbows – Maverick from Top Gun. You'd gushed over the character when the movie came out, and you wondered if it happened to be a funny coincidence or if Steve had picked that costume on purpose.
“Baby,” Steve suddenly said.
“What?” you choked out with widened eyes.
Steve frowned. “Your costume,” he clarified. “Baby from Dirty Dancing, right?”
You processed the information and chuckled awkwardly, feeling stupid. You let Robin get in your head and you hated it.
“Right,” you breathed out as Eddie drove away.
Something passed in Steve’s eyes, and you were not sure what it was. Hesitation, desire, resignation… You watched and waited, fingers laced on your lap, heartbeat echoing in your ears.
“You look… very nice,” Steve told you in a hushed voice.
You knew neither Nancy nor Jonathan could’ve heard it – they were engaged in a vivid conversation with Robin and Eddie in the front of the car. It was an intimate declaration, meant for you and you only.
Your lips parted subtly, but Steve’s eyes caught it regardless. It did not soothe the rate of your beating heart.
“Thanks,” you croaked it, throat tight. “You’re not too bad yourself."
Steve smiled briefly, then did the strangest thing. He leaned in, his face awfully close to yours, and you thought; this was it. He was going to kiss you. Right then, right there, in the back of Eddie’s van dressed as the guy from Top Gun on the way to a Halloween party.
And as much as you wanted him to kiss you, it wasn’t how you wanted him to do it. Not the place, not the time. Maybe Steve realized it too because he moved away as quickly as he had gotten closer to you, clearing his throat and watching out the window like nothing happened.
The party at Tina’s villa was loud, messy, and packed with former classmates – some you were glad to run into, others you made a strong case of avoiding. You had a nice chat with your high school sweetheart, even though you could feel Steve’s eyes on you the whole time. When you couldn’t bear the weight of his yearning gaze, you took a sip of that rum punch Vicki Carmichael had made – a few times.
You fled to the bathroom around eleven to freshen up and have some alone time. You were reasonably drunk, but still conscious enough to notice someone was already in the room when you barged into it.
“Oh, so sorry, I didn’t know someone was in there –”
You cut the apology short when you recognized the person’s reflection staring at you in the mirror.
“Becky, hi,” you said, surprised.
The girl greeted you back, the sound of your name imperceptible amid the party people shouting in the hallway. Now, you were reasonably drunk and very uncomfortable.
Becky was the last girl Steve had dated. They had been together for two years and seemed happy until Becky broke up with Steve overnight. Everyone assumed she’d probably met someone else, but you always felt like that was too simple and there was another more plausible explanation.
“You okay?” Becky asked you.
“Y – yeah, I just needed to cool off,” you mumbled.
You assumed Becky would urge you to clear off and leave her be, but instead, she stepped aside to give you some space in front of the sink.
You closed the door behind you and stood in front of the mirror, silently watching Becky perfect the mascara on her lashes. You quickly gathered she was dressed as Madonna in the Material Girl music video.
“It’s… been a while,” you said to break that awful silence. “What are you up to these days?”
“Small talk, huh? I thought we were way past that.”
You chuckled, ill at ease and too drunk to have a proper conversation. Out of all the girls Steve had dated, Becky was the one who unsettled you the most. You never knew what to expect of her.
“How’s Stevie?” Becky then asked before reapplying some lipstick.
Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was Becky's inquiry, but something turned your stomach. You always hated it when she called Steve that name. It reminded you of a jealous version of yourself you’d rather leave in the past.
“He’s good,” you said casually, no matter your inner turmoil. “You know. Same old, same old.”
Becky’s lips turned into the semblance of a smile.
“I take it you two still aren’t together.”
You felt your heart drop at that comment. What did she mean, “still”? And what was up with everyone and their insights regarding your relationship with Steve?
“It sounded a lot less petty in my head, I promise,” Becky said when you stayed silent.
“It’s not that,” you replied. “I’m just… surprised you would say that.”
Becky sighed and turned around to face you. It looked like she was about to get a lot of things off her chest, and you were not sober enough for that.
“You know why I broke up with Steve?” Becky asked you, and she obviously wasn’t waiting for an answer. “Why all the girls he dates eventually break things off with him?”
You blinked. You didn’t want Steve’s ex-girlfriend to share that information with you. You had absolutely no desire to detain such knowledge. Yet, you shook your head, permitting Becky to say what she really thought, too curious to pretend you didn’t care.
“Because it’s painfully obvious he’s in love with you and we’re just here passing time until he finally has the balls to tell you.”
In love. You had thought about it all with Steve – he thinks I’m pretty; he’s attracted to me; he likes me more than a friend. But never in your wildest dreams had you dared fantasize about these powerful little words.
He’s in love with you, Becky’s voice repeated like a broken record on a loop in your mind. Taunting, hopeful, too good to be true.
You found yourself sitting on the bathtub’s edge, both arms at your side, speechless. Becky leaned against the wall across from you and chuckled like she'd just shared the funniest story.
“Don’t tell me this is shocking news.”
“I…” you started without finishing your thought. You were at a loss for words and your head started spinning, the fateful sentence seeping into your mind faster than the liquor in your system.
“Look, obviously, it wasn’t my place to tell, but you know, despite everything, I always liked you,” Becky confessed. “You were always nice to me, even though I could tell it was not easy for you.”
You lowered your eyes, apologetic. It was true – you had always been nice to Becky. After all, it wasn’t the girl’s fault if you had feelings you’d never dare confess to your best friend.
“That’s why I’m telling you,” Becky resumed. “I’m trying to help you two out. This whole faint-hearted act was probably cute when you were sixteen, but you’re adults now. Are you waiting for him to get married and start a family with someone else to tell him how you feel?”
The mere thought made your heart ache. You didn’t want to picture Steve married to someone else. It made you nauseous.
“Sorry, that was harsh,” Becky apologized.
“Why are you doing this?” you asked her in a whisper, feeling like your head was about to explode. “Why are you telling this to me and not him?”
Becky stared at you like you’d just said the most nonsensical thing.
“Because he’s an idiot and a coward. If you’re waiting for him to make a move, you’ll wait a long time, honey.”
You spaced out for a moment, and when you returned to your senses, Becky was gone, leaving you alone with your spiraling thoughts in that bathroom.
Becky was right. Steve was an idiot and a coward. The inebriation clouded all your good judgments, so you got to your feet and walked out of the bathroom to look for Steve. After everything that happened tonight, you were confused, upset, and even angry.
You found him outside by the pool, joking around with some guys from his old swim team in high school. You marched to him, bold and determined, and he didn’t notice you right away, so you hooked your fingers to the fabric around his arm and dragged him behind you. You ignored the guys whistling at you both or Steve protesting and asking what had gotten into you until you walked into an empty room on the side of the villa and closed the patio door behind you.
“Okay, what the hell was that about??” Steve exclaimed, his voice loud in the quiet of the room, away from the party noises and the music. “Have you lost your shit??”
“You’re an idiot,” you told him in an accusing tone.
“Tell me about it,” Steve sassed you.
“And a coward!”
“Oh, so you have a whole list, huh?”
“That’s what Becky said.”
Steve looked at you in silence, processing what you just said.
“Of course, you talked to Becky….” he sighed. “Let me guess – she said I stole her INXS tape? She needs to let it go, she clearly lost it, she can’t keep blaming me for –“
“I don’t want you to get married, Steve,” you interrupted him, blurting out what you had been obsessing about for the last ten minutes.
Steve froze and looked at you like you were insane. And you might just be, you realized. You took a step back, dizzy and embarrassed.
“I… was not planning on getting married any time soon. Where is that coming from?” Steve asked you, stepping toward you.
You bit your tongue, holding from saying another stupidity you’d immediately regret. Suddenly, your choice to confront Steve and isolate yourselves in a bedroom didn’t look like the brilliant plan it seemed to be five minutes ago.
“Forget it, I’m drunk, and I don’t know what I’m saying,” you stammered, head low as you walked toward the door.
“Hey,” Steve brought you short by taking your hand before you had the chance to leave. His touch was tender, your hand fit perfectly in his, and you understood what Becky meant when she said "still not together".
“Talk to me,” Steve urged, lacing his fingers with yours. It was unbearable, how natural it felt. “You used to tell me everything, and now, I have no idea what’s up with you anymore.”
You swallowed the lump in your throat, wishing you could go back in time and stop yourself from putting the two of you in this awful situation.
“Come on, kitten, we’re friends, you can tell me anything.”
Friends. You loathed the word that normally comforted you. You couldn’t stand to hear it.
He’s in love with you. How could he say you were friends when he was the one you called first when your car broke down, when he’d snuck out of college to comfort you after you got dumped by your ex-boyfriend, when he drove you across the country to see your sick grandfather for the last time? How did he have the audacity to minimize what you meant to each other after taking such a significant place in your heart for years and years?
“We’re not friends,” you mumbled.
You looked at him and thought you could see heartbreak in his eyes. You’d hurt him. You’d hurt him badly.
“We’re not?” he asked, his voice breaking in the inflection.
You held your breath as Steve questioned you with glistening eyes. He didn’t understand what you were trying to tell him, and it was killing you.
“You know what I mean,” you breathed out, unable to say the actual words.
He’s in love with you. It was so simple. Why couldn’t he just admit it?
You’re in love with him too, why can’t you say it? you admitted to yourself.
Because no, it wasn’t that simple. Steve wasn’t the only coward in this situation. After all these years, it was so scary to admit, even more to say out loud. How could you expect him to say it when you were terrified of doing it yourself?
Eventually, Steve let go of your hand, an almost insignificant gesture that shattered your heart into a million pieces.
“Actually… No. I don’t know what you mean,” he said, defeated, before leaving the room.
You did it. You ruined everything, you thought as you sat on the floor and cried your heartbreak away.
🎁🎁🎁
It was supposed to be the merriest day of the year, with children's laughter filling the air and countless presents to unwrap. Yet, your heart was not in it, and you had to hold back tears during dinner that night at your parents’ house.
You hadn’t talked to or heard from Steve in almost two months, and it was officially the longest you’d spent without seeing each other. The thought was excruciating. He was your best friend in the entire world, you were head over heels in love with him, and the absence of him was like gasping for air on the verge of drowning.
But today was a merry day. Today was all about spending time together, eating a nice homemade meal, and reuniting. So, you played the part – you ate dinner, played board games with your cousins, and chatted with your uncles and aunts. You did what you were expected to do, and nothing more.
When you returned to your place, to your sad and lonely apartment, you sat down on the floor, still in your red party dress, back to your couch with a glass of wine, and flipped through a photo album Nancy and Jonathan had given you for your twenty-fifth birthday.
It was a recollection of happy times Jonathan had captured with his camera throughout the years – from graduating high school to renting your first crappy apartment, taking your first trip to New York with the group, and celebrating various occasions with them.
You took the last photo from the album, holding it between your fingers to get a closer look. It was a picture of you and Steve on New Year’s Eve the year before. You were posing for the camera, smiling from ear to ear. You were looking at the lens, but Steve only had eyes for you, holding you in his arms with rosy cheeks. When you looked at it like that, in retrospect and from another’s perspective, it seemed so evident that the guy in the picture loved the girl posing next to him.
You were fully crying now, blurry eyes and stuffy nose in contradiction with the holiday spirit. You were about to put the picture away in the album when something in the back of it caught your eye.
There was a note in the handwriting you would recognize anywhere at any given time – Steve’s. Your heart skipped a beat. It had gone unnoticed the first time you’d looked through the album at your birthday party and none of your friends had mentioned a thing about it. You started to look at a handful of pictures to see if others had something hidden on the other side, but they were all blank. All except for one.
You took a deep breath, pondering. Maybe Nancy and Jonathan were unaware of it, but Steve not saying anything didn’t make sense. This note had been there, forgotten in an album gathering dust in your bookcase, for months, and it could’ve gone on for years had you not felt nostalgic on that specific day.
You wondered if you should read it or pretend you’d never seen it. It was only a few words; they were probably some meaningless inside jokes or more personal birthday wishes. But they could also be something more, much more.
You knew you couldn’t live with the uncertainty, so you gathered your courage and read.
Happy birthday, kitten! Don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but I want you to know you’re my favorite person in the entire world, and I love you. Yours always, Steve PS: stop being a sourpuss just ‘cause you turned 25
It had been there. Right there, under your nose, all along. Yours always.
Before you could think it through, your coat was around your shoulders and you were behind the wheel, ready to drive to Steve’s place and tell him how you felt. Screw the stability and the uncertainty – you loved the boy too and you needed to tell him tonight.
It was past midnight, the air was cold and the streetlights reflected in the puddles on the pavement as you drove a little too fast toward Steve’s building. Your heart was racing in your chest, anticipation mingling with excitement while you rehearsed what you’d say in your head.
You were going to confess your true feelings to Steve. Nothing could scare you anymore.
Except, perhaps, the ominous sputtering sound your car made when you tried to restart at a traffic light.
“No, no, no, no, no, come on, not now!!” you begged desperately.
The ignition wouldn’t turn over, and you could’ve screamed at the sky. Was it some sort of cosmic sign preventing you from making the biggest mistake of your life?
You got out of the car to check the engine under the hood. When you opened it, it did something it’d never done before – it gave off fumes.
You coughed violently as you stepped away from the car, looking all around you and realizing you were alone on the street in the middle of the night with a kaput car and wasted opportunities.
“This is a nightmare,” you told yourself out loud. “This can’t be happening to me.”
Your eyes burned as you were about to cry again, disheartened and pathetic. Then, some headlights on the other side of the road caught your attention.
A maroon car stopped next to you and turned the ignition off. You held your breath, recognizing the vehicle instantly and wondering if the universe wouldn’t happen to be messing with you.
The driver exited the car and eyed yours up and down before chuckling.
“I had a feeling Gina wouldn’t make it through the year,” he said.
You laughed, the sound choked up in your throat at the improbability of the situation. You couldn’t believe Steve was there, rescuing you even without meaning to, always being there when you needed him to, the constant one in your life. As luck would have it, you thought.
“What are you doing here this late at night?” you asked him.
“Could ask you the same thing,” he remarked with a smile.
You returned his smile, nervously fixing your hair. The wind was rising, and the air was filled with change and expectations.
“I was… on my way to your place, actually,” you explained, somehow shyly. “I wanted to talk to you.”
A few seconds passed until Steve spoke again like he was processing the information. “That’s funny, I was on my way to your place too.”
You swallowed, unable to stop hoping. “You were?”
“Yeah… Of course, I was,” Steve shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep, and I realized I never got a chance to give you your present because we weren't speaking to each other, so… Anyways, I can just give it to you now.”
“We’re literally in the middle of the road, Steve.”
He looked around at the empty and silent street for good measure. “Yeah, and it’s not like it’s rush hour right now, I think we’re good.”
You opened your mouth to retort but opted against saying anything else. It was your first interaction with him in weeks, it was out of the question to ruin it just to have the last word.
The young man got something from the backseat of his car and immediately handed it to you. You took it carefully, turning it over in your hand to try and figure out what was beneath the wrapping paper.
“I… don’t have your gift,” you admitted, crestfallen. “I mean, I did get you something, but I didn’t think to give it to you tonight.”
“It’s okay, kitten. Just open it.”
You complied, slowly unwrapping the paper with trembling fingers and shortness of breath as Steve observed quietly.
You were now looking at a book’s front cover, and it might’ve seemed unremarkable at first glance, but it was not some common paperback.
“First limited edition,” Steve explained, even though you already knew. “You talked about it at Eddie’s place a couple of months ago, that it was almost impossible to find today, and you’d love to have it. So, I went to every bookstore in town to ask if they knew where to get it, and one of them gave me their counterpart's number from England, they had to send it all the way here but… Yeah,” Steve concluded, face red and hands in his pocket. “I found it.”
You looked up from the book to lock eyes with Steve. He seemed expectant and abashed, almost anxious of your reaction.
“You went to all this trouble for me?” you asked in disbelief.
He pursed his lips and nodded as if it was that obvious.
“You’re well worth the trouble.”
All this time, you had expected blatant signs, big gestures, and declarations, when Steve had been telling you how he felt in his own way for years. It had always been there – in fleeting touches, longing stares, and understated actions.
“I read it,” you eventually confessed.
"The book?" Steve asked, puzzled.
“No," you laughed. "The note you wrote in my photo album. I read it tonight.”
You noticed the way Steve held his breath at that revelation. Suddenly, you no longer cared that you were standing in the middle of the road with your dead car by your side. Suddenly, all that mattered was the pretty boy standing before you and what you felt for him.
“It was corny, right?” Steve said with a nervous laugh. “I know you don’t like it when it’s corny but –“
“Can’t you just be serious for one minute, Harrington?” you cut him short with an amused eye roll. “I’m trying to tell you how I feel here.”
“I know,” Steve breathed out. “I’ve been trying to tell you how I feel for months now, but I never find the right words.”
In the elation of the moment, your words got a mind of their own, and you heard yourself saying: “Show me, then.”
Friends. A designation you held onto for the past eight years, a status that put things into perspective whenever Steve introduced a new girlfriend to the group, a word that freed you of your guilt when getting into relationships yourself, a term that helped you when you would yearn for something more, something you thought to be unrealistic and unreachable.
That word no longer held any power over you now that you were in Steve Harrington’s arms and he leaned in to seal his lips with yours into a long-awaited and overdue kiss, the promise of a cherished and beautiful future.
You'd envisioned the scene time and time again in your mind, but none of the imaginary scenarios your fantasies created could measure up to that kiss. It was sweet, yet demanding, like you were the air he needed to breathe. He kissed you like he loved - sincerely, tenderly, and intensely. You smiled against his mouth, and your heart melted when he did it too.
When you parted from him, lips swollen and eyelashes fluttering, you felt like everything was finally right and mourned the time you wasted being scared of changes.
“So… What now?” you whispered, getting a strand of hair out of Steve’s face to look at him better.
The boy held your gaze, enamored and enraptured like you’d never seen him before. You enjoyed it while it lasted because it was a momentary bliss until reality caught up.
“Well, first, we’re going to call a tow truck," Steve said as he entwined his fingers with yours. "And then, you’ll bid farewell to Gina,” he nodded toward the car.
Your heart tightened in your chest. You’d almost forgotten about your car. It was truly ironic, how you needed to say goodbye to your oldest partner while embracing a new beginning with your best friend.
“Can it wait until tomorrow?” you asked while batting your lashes at him.
“Hey, just because we’re going to make out a lot from now on doesn’t mean you get to do that,” Steve jokingly scolded you while gesturing at your face.
“Do what?” you asked, coy and amused.
Steve laughed and put his arm around your shoulders. “Come on, kitten, I’m taking you home.”
At first, it didn’t feel like much had changed between you and Steve. You were still teasing each other, spending time with the group before Nancy and Jonathan’s departure, and arguing about what car you should buy now that Gina was in a junkyard.
But things had changed for the better, and you realized it on New Year’s Eve when Steve kissed you at midnight, as he would for many new years to come.
❤️❤️❤️
#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington fic#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington oneshot#stranger things#stranger things fic#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington fluff
753 notes
·
View notes
Text
What is it about I Was a Teenage Exocolonist that's getting to me so much, you may ask?
Well I just like playing the specialest little guy/girl/whatever (canonically) and running around being stupid as hell in nature (while being saved from surefire death by my mysterious alien boyfriend), flirting with anything that moves And/Or participating in the slowest burn sweetest childhood friends to lovers situationship (but also It's Complicated bc he's an emo boy with uhhhh a concerningly low amount of care for most people in the colony), and also fucking everything up beyond redemption! But it's ok! Bc now I have time memories and I can prevent bad things from happening again. Teehee!
#speculation nation#even if maybe i let a guy die for a run just so i can get a fancy string of numbers. for the future. teehee!#ok but my 3rd run was probably the happiest ending ive gotten so far.#roboticist sol dating marz rex And sym. marz breaks up with them bc shes marz and wont be tied down#and then dys joins the polycule for sym. but in my heart hes dating sol too. in my heart.#me n my three boyfriends! dogboy emo boy and alien goth. also there are children. big rowdy house lol#my 2nd run i just had Dys and it was nice but also. well. he sure is complicated huh.#i wanna do another dys run at some point and try to get him to reconsile with tang. to see if that affects the ending.#for now. in my 4th run. im an engineer (perhaps even to be 2nd engineer) and a soldier#bc this run. for reasons. i need Lum to not be overthrown so i can be 2nd engineer. for reasons.#im coping by not going out in the wild much or talking with. most of them much.#bc if i get close to them itll make my failure to obtain peace hurt so much more. also i wanna explore the swamps#havent done that yet bc signing up to be a hunter puts a bad taste in my mouth in peace runs yk?#im also trying to befriend vace in this one. ugh. to the swamps this soldier girl is going.#the bright spot is that im gonna romance Nem. which. idk how thatll go with Vace actually ha ha ha#i convince her to break up with him and then start dating her myself#like sorry bro u snooze u lose. or rather u act like a jackass u lose. bphhhtt 😋😋😋#anyways yea anyone who knows the game would know what im gunning for with the fancy numbers and the 2nd engineer shit#but im keeping it vague so i dont outright spoil anyone.#since im still lookin at my followers with big ol' eyes like dont u wanna play this game?? i prommy it's so gooood 🥺🥺🥺
1 note
·
View note