#let me know if you want to know more about my autism diagnosis story

[frances-kafka]

So, if you want to understand the history of ND stuff in any useful kind of way you have to know that we talked about these things differently. Gen Xrs have a different generational experience and Boomers' is different still.

Prior to the 80s, NDs were really not a thing. The optic was almost entirely in terms of learning disability and intellectual impairment in the 70s.

ADHD - not autism - is really the first we see of anything resembling the modern ND consciousness, as "autistic" was a label reserved for children presenting with severe disability or at minimum, delay.

Autism in the 70s and 80s and before was not culturally adjacent to ADHD or giftedness, it was adjacent to conditions of severe intellectual impairment.

It's possible to be an 80s ADHD labeled autistic who gets good interventions *because lots of how ADHD was understood at the time, got absorbed by autism later.*

This is basically my story as a matter of fact, a lot of helpful support I got early was via the ADHD pipeline, and so ADHD *is* my "recognized early enough to get meaningful self understanding and meaningful support* narrative, which is a big reason I was ABLE to shrug off autism as a label for about 15 years, until the changing autism stereotypes caught up with me.

ADHD and early issues with visible LD etc are WHY I didn't end up in the "normal until hospitalized" optic that some autistics I knew ended up in, if they had *only* been seen as gifted. I was very aware of my stuff very early even if it was called something else and even if it will be called something else in the future, and it shaped my social choices, my career choices, etc.

Also there was the optic to Boomers and older that you really could just be a "normal" person or even a high performing "genius" who was just "a little slow as a kid." (There are many historical figures this actually applies to. "A little slow as a kid" may just be within a *normal* range of child development.) This is actually part of where many Boomers are coming from when they think a certain degree of autism is just normal.

Early labels in adults (whom we would now understand as high masking ASD-1) were more personal history than identity.

To Boomers and older, you were "mentally well" until you presented "mentally ill." There really wasn't anything like being ND as we presently understand. Also, the *very same optics* that got boys seen as gifted, invested lots of time and support into, etc, got girls into the clinical pipeline early. The real dx discrepancy between girls and boys in my generation and older is the degree to which cis het white rich boys were just allowed to not be anything at all while girls were immediately tagged as mentally ill or developmentally disabled with the very same presentation, even within the same family. My grandmother who was a victim of this, and heavily and deeply abused from early childhood, is the sister of my physicist uncle who was on the Manhattan Project and was odd but successful, had a wife and family, never labeled anything at all.

Lots of people we now see as autistic were just considered normal gifted people who then had a "nervous breakdown" after high school/entering the adult world.

It was possible to be totally ego-syntonic as an odd person until diagnosis, if you were in the 80s gifted pipeline, because if you were in a social set that was actually ALLOWED to be intelligent let alone gifted in the first place (i.e., an upper middle class person, with more weirdness optic allowed for boys) you likely weren't going to be diagnosed with ANYTHING unless you were Weird with a Capital W.

That I had any kind of optic besides just being Gifted is *because* despite high IQ, I was a poor academic performer, and *couldn't* mask well inside a school setting.

These are people without even that optic.

They literally were just seen as gifted, and it was assumed that - of course - highly gifted people were a little weird. Gifted optic in school meant access to a whole different social and academic pipeline consisting hugely of other people we would now understand as ND, so it's actually possible to come out of that being totally ego-syntonic, and never ever even seek diagnosis until something breaks.

If you're like my ex husband who ended up just going away to sea for years, and then becoming a programmer in a basement at a university, you might never get diagnosed with anything, especially if you never see yourself as the problem in any of your interpersonal interactions, and that was a FAR more common optic with gifted white Gen X and Jones ASD-1 boys than early dx was.

The thing for my generation isnt the degree to which boys were diagnosed over girls... quite the opposite, it's the degree to which smart white rich boys were just *allowed* to be odd and given tons of concessions *without* being labeled ANYTHING, because of the degree to which the culture saw that boy was probably a future curer of cancer or a future astronaut.

A chunk of the "NT [more likely, high masking autist] woman miserably married to ASD man" narrative on those websites like FAAAS is actually referring to men who don't have any diagnostic label whatsoever and don't understand themselves as the problem, if you actually read the stories.

Those guys don't get diagnosed until something actually breaks - like, their wife hauls them into couples counseling, or they have finally exhausted their supply of good will (many social compensations of gifted children stop working past one's 20s and that's actually when my dx happened too).

Interpersonal problems weren't enough for dx unless they actually bothered a person enough to seek help. Something has to break. You don't end up with a diagnosis because you're happy and adjusted, no matter how odd you are.

Please ask Boomers about nervous breakdowns because half the time this is referring to what we now understand as autistic burnout.

[orange-ghost]

My hottest take on disability media is that this film (as much as it deserved a good 90% of it's backlash; my GOD it was ableist, harmful, horribly written, horribly paced, and clearly not well thought-out) ...would NOT have been as poorly received had the titular character had low-support needs as opposed to high.

I'm serious. I saw that some of y'all's knee-jerk reactions were "AUTISTIC PEOPLE DON'T ACT LIKE THAT!" and "BUT I'M NOT LIKE THAT!" and... I mean? Yeah? She's one girl, she obviously can't represent the whole spectrum.

But I'm sick of this lateral ableism, "I'm-not-like-other-girls"-esque attitude some of us Autistics have towards the others. We learn to look down upon those who can't take care of themselves or get by in the world like we can; the ones who can't mask; the ones who are sometimes dealt the most abuse in life because they'll never have the privilege of being able to verbally speak up against it or live without a caretaker. Because what often happens is:

Autistic people who need a lot more support than we do wind up becoming allistics' Default Setting™️ idea of Autism.

Autistic people who are very different (usually more independent, sharper intellect and maybe inclined towards more mature[?] interests) then come into those allistic people's lives.

The allistics then begin to infantalize them the same way they infantalize the Default Setting™️ Autistic people around them, then refuse to listen when asked/begged to stop; denial of autonomy.

Instead of directing the VERY warranted disgust, anger and resentment towards the ableist allistic people doing this to us, we direct it towards the initial victims of this treatment; who, frankly, ALSO don't deserve to be treated like literal babies or burdens like that in the first place!

Instead of trying to find solidarity? In-fighting ensues.

I don't know, that's always irked me and it's been in my brain for like four years. Because think about how much we learned in a short period of time around the movie's release. The woman...

Forced a 14-year-old Allistic child to imitate a disabled person when she didn't want to;

TAUGHT her to do so via forcing her to watch meltdown videos filmed & posted by Autistic kids' parents (likely without the child's consent);

Dissed Autistic actresses online for no fucking reason, really.

Named a movie after a disabled child character who's treated more like a prop and isn't even centered in the film's story (and lowkey repeated the pattern twice, if you guys remember Felix's storyline. He was just shoved into this for like... sadness points?)

Teams up with the "most popular" Autism organization even though it has been VERY accessible and public knowledge for years that they've earned a pretty negative reputation for themselves.

Portrays unnecessary prone restraint as a GOOD thing.

...And has MULTIPLE instances of questionably racist undertones. Including within the first 5 seconds of the film.

And yet, some of y'all's priority was the fact that "I'm not like that! I'm FUNCTIONAL!"

...Yeah. Yikes.

Something tells me that Music would've gotten significantly less backlash had Maddie been made to portray somebody who could consistently speak verbally, stimmed in more subtle ways, and didn't have so many meltdowns.

We feel so much shame & discomfort at just sharing a diagnosis with somebody more disabled than ourselves that we will reject it (and them) the moment it happens, without a second thought. Because the thought of being treated by abled society as even more disabled than we are already terrifies us. Because we KNOW that disabled people as a whole are not treated well.

Hell, clearly Sia internalized something like that as well because she wound up being diagnosed as Autistic herself, and she WROTE the damn thing!

Yeah, I've... got a couple of words for all this. 😬

Assimilation. Trauma. Internalized ableism, even. Let's unpack that in 2025, please!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

i think you're onto something with the romance novels world and plot points needing to mirror the kind of outlandishness of the love story. bc the main characters are already inherently acting absurd just by falling madly in love in a month or whatever and then if you add in the contrivances of romance tropes, it starts to feel like whiplash trying to pretend the characters live in any sort of grounded "normal" world. Like when the author adds in a family conflict subplot where the MC is like in absolute shambles because her mom said something slightly passive aggressive at lunch. that reads as more jarring to me than like conflict being something ridiculous that her mom doesn't want her being a marine biologist bc they come from a long line of fishmongers. Give me absurd drama to match the over the top dialogue and character emotions, I knew it would be unrealistic it's a romance novel! I guess this applies more to romcoms, but the same would apply I think to an analogous serious scenario. Or at least that's my take on it

okay so having just finished genuinely the most boring romance novel I have ever read in my LIFE I'm going to expand on this a little so thank you for sending an ask that gives me such a great platform to do that

I personally generally prefer a romance that just gets fucking silly with it, like really outlandish. A Lady for the Duke (Alexis Hall) is obviously the dream, being a whole swoony historical trans-affirming fantasy, but contemporary fake relationship stories can also be fun in their sheer ridiculousness, like Love, Hate, and Clickbait (Liz Bowery), which I actually liked, and Unfortunately Yours (Tessa Bailey), which I did not like but was very funny. and let's not forget queen Helen Hoang's Bride Test, which has a premise that dances perilously close to human trafficking but all works out in the end!!!

BUT HAVING SAID THAT. I don't think that something needs to be totally implausible to be a good romance. two of my very favorites romance novels anywhere ever are Helen Hoang's Heart Principle (no one should be surprised Hoang is on her twice I adore her) and Akwaeke Emezi's You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty. both of these books are very grounded in reality but with very uncommon situations to heighten emotions and add urgency; in Hoang's case it's a character's adult autism diagnosis + death of a parent and in Emezi's case it's a very sudden and #problematic attraction coming out of absolutely nowhere. the stakes are very real, mostly centering around being true to yourself v disappointing your family, but the circumstances are still wild enough to make you say "god DAMN" and keep turning pages. hell, I'll even be extremely generous and include Mistakes Were Made (Meryl Wilsner) which is kind of a flop but does have the intriguing premise of "what if you were fucking a milf but her kid was YOUR BEST FRIEND and it was a secret?"

those are like the two sweet spots TO ME, and this book I just read (which was Thank You for Sharing by Rachel Runya Katz, I feel so bad putting it on blast but I know people are going to ask) really solidified it for me because TYFS didn't fall into either of those categories. I'm going to say something absolutely insane, which is that multiple times while I was reading it I found myself wishing that the book was fanfic, because on its own it just... didn't bring a lot to the table? it falls into the grounded category but doesn't really bring any of those heightened stakes to the story, it's just 330 pages of people in their late twenties complaining about dating and their office jobs. if I wanted that I could just ask my group chat! there's nothing particularly particularly gripping about watching made up strangers do it!

but then I was like oh hang on... if this was two fictional characters who are usually fighting with swords or throwing cars at each other or something this would be so gripping. it's literally the coffee shop AU principle, right? like seeing people in a very mundane setting having an office job and going to a bar is very shrimpteresting when they're normally defusing space bombs. I was explaining this to my housemates and I couldn't think of a straight couple to apply it to (the book is m/f) so I said Naruto and Sasuke, which is crazy because I've never seen a single episode of Naruto, but like. idk Naruto being a museum curator who has to work with Sasuke, a marketing specialist who he had beef with a summer camp 14 years ago, sounds kind of compelling, right? definitely more than just two people I don't know.

there's a post on here that I think about a lot that talks about why advertising a story with tropes doesn't work for original fiction as well as it does for fan fic because knowing the tropes is more helpful when you already have a sense of investment in the characters and their personalities, and I think this is related to that! I think sometimes you NEED to have a wider sense of scope for the characters for them to be interesting in a very mundane setting!

ANYWAY. much to consider, etc.

[concerningwolves]

Hey! Do you have any tips for breaking writers block when you're adhd and/or autistic? Be it your own tips or a link to another post? My friend and I need help haha

Ahh sorry you got buried under spam and old ask game asks. (I... really need to sort my ask box >.<' ). But here we go, a month late, and hopefully better late than never:

Quick ideas for beating writer's block when autistic and/or ADHD

I've got this old post I wrote on writer's block and focus troubles. Ironically, this was before my autism diagnosis but the tips still happen to be things I, an autistic person, did to manage writing when faced with executive dysfunction (except I didn't know what executive dysfunction was at that point lol). I'm linking this with one important caveat, though: if you have ADHD, "stepping away" might do more harm than good; struggling to start tasks is a Big Thing with ADHD, so not starting the task at all is entirely counterproductive. (Unless you're in burnout! Here's a post about the differences between block and burnout with some ideas on what to do for each, in case that's at all helpful to you).

And here's something yoinked from another old ask-answer:

sometimes a break from more “serious” writing is what you need. Maybe try and take the characters from your main project and drop them somewhere else for the hell of it. I like to throw my characters into the MCU without warning like “lmao have fun in a strange modern world where there are gods and a guy in an iron flying suit bye.” Or, if fandom cross-overs aren’t your thing, find a writing prompt or take an idea you like and use it to form a short story with your characters instead.

Some other ideas I've seen around for writer's block with ADHD/Autism are:

Try voice recording or text to speech (i.e., absolute stream-of-consciousness unfiltered brain-to-mouth, giving yourself permission to 100% bullshit if you like, and see what rattles loose in the brain box)

Stream of consciousness writing in general, not even necessarily about a particular prompt or particular project. This one can be done in combination with:

Writing sprints! One minute timers, two minute timers, five minutes – set it for as long as you want, but when you're fighting executive dysfunction and/or difficulty focusing, the burst of urgency that comes from a shorter timer is very helpful.

And speaking of the sense of urgency: gamify your writing! There are different ways to do this, with varying elements of risk. I'll link some ways to do this at the end under "resources".

Exercise. I don't necessarily mean hitting the gym, but a quick burst of exercise prior to writing to get the heart rate up can help wake your brain up a bit. (Or, if you find repetitive exercise mind-numbingly boring like I do, the writing sure does start to look appealing lol).

Meditation. Okay, this one is sort of 🤔 for me, because I do often hear from fellow autistics and our ADHD cousins that meditation is literally impossible for us. It is for me. But! Like with exercise above, if meditation bores you instead of helping relax and ""clear your mind"", you can probably use that boredom to your advantage. Or, it might work as intended.

Change your workspace/situation/routine. Sometimes the problem is that you need new sensory input, or that your brain has gotten thoroughly bored and decided not to tell you. Use a different chair. Move to the kitchen table. Write at a different time of day. Have a different snack (or try having a snack while writing...). Basically, look at what you're currently trying, and see how you can do it differently.

It's also really good practise to get comfortable with Being Bad At Writing. Perfectionism and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria are the biggest, meanest brain weasels with the sharpest teeth. Don't let them bully you. It sucks. It takes a lot of time and effort and internal work, which is why I was loathe to include this on a post of quick solutions, but. It is important.

And getting comfortable with this doesn't necessarily mean learning how to accept critique, or accepting that sometimes you'll write things that suck. It means accepting that sometimes you won't handle critique or feedback well, and also accepting that you won't always manage to beat the writer's block or be productive. Sometimes you have to make peace with the fact that you're going to feel horrible, feel your feelings, and try to remind yourself on the other side that none of it means you're a talentless hack.

Resources

Anything with a 🪙 next to it is paid only (I've tried to limit these and find alternatives).

The resources are split into things that "gameify" writing (i.e., hack your dopamine/serotonin in ways that reaaaaallly help autistic and ADHD folks), writing programs that are designed to help you focus, writing programs that track your habits and appeal to the "ohhhh numbers going up" brain, focus-aiding apps, and some miscellaneous stuff. Under the cut to save your dashes.

"Gamifying" your writing:

The Most Dangerous Writing App – You can't stop typing before your set timer runs out, or you risk losing your work. Excellent for warming up, stream-of-consciousness, or if you're feeling reckless, working on your actual project. I did a lot of the second draft of When Dealing with Wolves on this thing (it was terrifying yet highly effective).

Written? Kitten! – Get rewarded for meeting your set writing wordcount with kitten pictures. Haven't used this one personally, but heard wonderful things about it.

4TheWords 🪙 – This one gamifies writing in the most literal sense. As in, it's an online game where you defeat monsters, explore and level up by writing words. I did the free trial a couple years back, and I've heard there are a lot of different ways you can lower the subscription cost. The only reason I haven't gone back to it is because I feel like I can't justify spending money on it when I'm doing fine with Scrivener and free resources, but maybe one day I will purely for the fun factor...

StimuWrite – similar idea to Written Kitten; the app provides visual/audio stimulation while you write, which is great for many ADHD-ers and autistics. There's a progress bar, soundscape options, typing effects and emoji reactions as rewards, among other features.

Write or Die – This is The Most Dangerous Writing App meets Written Kitten. As far as I can figure out, the basic web version is free to use; you can set the parameters like how how long you want to write for, how many words to reach, and whether you want rewards for meeting goals or punishments for failing to meet them. There's also a stimulus mode, where the nice auditory stimulus goes away if you stop writing.

Minimalist/Focus writing programs:

Focus Writer [Windows] – thoroughly stripped-down minimalist word processor. As far as I know, it has basic functions like find-replace, but mostly it's designed only for writing. Not for formatting, spellchecking or editing.

iA Writer 🪙 [iOS] – Similar to Focus Writer, it's designed to fill your screen with a simple workspace. Allows you to use markdown formatting, and has a feature called Focus Mode that blurs out everything except the sentence you're typing. (If I could find a Windows-friendly alternative to this with that same feature I would be so happy). A cheaper alternative is 1Writer, but that doesn't have the focus mode.

Typewrite Something – Absolutely bare minimum web-based typewriter simulator. Basically just a blank screen that you start typing on, and the words appear in a typewriter font. Great for stream-of-consciousness without the risk level of TMDWA because you can't backspace. If you don't like the clacky sound, turn off your volume.

Focus Apps

Cold Turkey – Block applications and websites on your laptop/computer for a specified period of time. You can even block the entire internet.

Forest – Similar to Cold Turkey in that it stops you from seeking distractions or getting distracted. Set a timer and the app starts growing a tree. If you leave the app, the tree dies. Once you have a tree, you add it to your forest.

Habit-building writing programs:

Novlr – Simple, minimal layout, and tracks your writing goals per month and day, and your daily streak. There are more features in the plus and pro versions, and you can only have five projects in the free version, but otherwise it looks like a good free alternative to the next two programs:

750 Words 🪙 – Made for free writing, but also very useful for drafting. I had it for a month or so a while back on the free trial. It tracks writing streaks and gives you fun graphs and statistics at the end of each session, including number of distractions, actual typing time vs total time and average words per minute. Also, it analyses the mood of what you wrote, which I always found delightful.

Writing Analytics 🪙 – If writing streaks, badges and analytical graphs get your dopamine going, then I really recommend this one. The writing screen itself is very minimalistic, but it still shows your writing speed (I loved watching that go up) and your goal progress. In terms of analytics, it tracks a LOT of different things, including time spent writing vs revising, average wordcounts per day/month/year, and words written vs words deleted. I used this for about a year before I switched to Scrivener, and the switch was purely because I needed something that wasn't subscription-based. (Apparently since I stopped using it there's also a new feature that lets you create private writing rooms and see other writer's progress).

Misc.

WriteTrack – Not a word processor, but it has very good tools for tracking and planning your writing. Again, if graphs going up helps your brain, this is excellent, but you can't see it in real time.

10 ADHD-friendly brain tricks for writers – what it says on the tin: ten tips for writers with ADHD; I'm particularly fond of "Put away one knife", which breaks the nebulous task of "start writing" into something really simple like just... pull out your desk chair.

[dimonds456]

Howdy!

I'm Dimonds456, and welcome to my garbage pile. I'm a bat who stays up way too late and cannot decide whether or not to be productive. I draw, write, animate, play/write music, and I'm also insane so watch out for that.

I'm neurodivergent, disabled, queer, white, a singlet, fictionkin, and a proud cat papa. I am a cartoon character who is way too bouncy for their own good lol.

They / he / xe!

This is my main blog, but my ADHD ass also has a bunch more.

@dimonds456-art - my art blog! Almost all art gets rbed there!

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai - my HLVRAI sideblog! Because yeah why not. This is one of me current hyperfixations lol it's bad

@rubberhose-roy is my sideblog used to gush about 1920's-40's aesthetics, music, culture, ect., as well as an animation blog! All my animations specifically will be reblogged there, as well as any animation rambles or gushes I do.

I have more but those are the main three.

My fandom-specific blogs are:

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai (again)

@hlvrai-stuck-together - HLVRAI AU I run!

@halfnautica - Half Life / Subnautica AU!

@a-second-chance-su-au - Old SU AU that has been discontinued, but the blog is still there!

@batim-rewritten - a Bendy and the Ink Machine rewrite I'm working on

@cuphead-contract-au - A Cuphead AU where Mugman makes a deal (discontinued)

And, I have my own OC story, Follychromatic! I reblog all that stuff here, but its main blog is here!

@follychromatic

To see pictures of my cats, check the #Checkers and Chess tag! :D

Okay great. Now, DNI, trigger warnings, disabilities, special interests, and more below the cut. Make sure you read at least once, k? Thanks.

Welcome to my cave!

DNI

Do not FUCKING interact if you are:

- Someone who ships pedophilic, incestuous, or abusive ships while portraying them as positive and a good thing

- A bigot

- An LGBTphobe / transmed / ect

- Trump supporter

- Nazi / fascist / conservative

- Weird about furries or furry art

- Weird about fandom headcanons (specifically trans woman headcanons)

Trigger Warnings

I will tag as much as I can, and if you want me to tag something specific, let me know! But as a general blog cover, things that appear on this blog often are:

- Current events

- Talk of / discussion of sexuality (sometimes boardering on NSFW but not usually)

- Blood

- Guns

- Flashing

- Talk of proshippers (I try to be respectful but also I don't stand for them and I don't support them. I block and move on, and try to explain why proship is bad, but eh. I've only been listened to like once lol)

- Swearing / swear words

- All caps

- Bugs

- Suggestive content / NSFW (RARE DONT WORRY)

I will add more if anyone wants me to, or we can come up with a custom tag, like what I do for one of my friends! (#dimond don't look)

DISABILITIES

Hiiii I'm disabled! Both mentally and physically. I talk about being disabled a lot and try to generate positive talk about it. I also vent about it. I've had quite a few of these, and I also try to reblog as much about others I don't have as I can to increase awareness and understanding. So yeah! These are just the ones I have, but they are not the only ones that appear on my blog!

Hyperthyroidism

Graves Disease

Graves Eye Disease

Astigmatism

Athsma

Audio processing disorder

ADHD

Autism

Trauma / PTSD

Brain fog / disassociation / memory loss

Anxiety

Depression

Cane user

Weak / trembling limbs / trouble walking / trouble holding onto things sometimes

More to be added lol.

This is also a meds/treatment positive blog, a self-diagnosis positive blog, and my general attitude is just "if you think something is wrong you're probably right, you know yourself the best, even if you don't know what exactly is wrong." This attitude has saved my life and other people I know. You don't need a diagnosis or medication to be disabled.

THIS IS A SAFE SPACE.

If you are Jewish, black, brown, Muslim, indigenous, any religion, any race, any sexuality, any weird gender, anything at all- I love and support you. I'm still learning, and I try to learn as much as I can, but I'm not perfect. If I say something offensive or something adjacent, it was NOT on purpose. PLEASE, PLEASE tell me what I said wrong. I will make an effort to improve in the future.

I directly support:

- All races

- All religions*

- All sexualities (except pedos, y'all aren't LGBT, I'm sorry. You're actively hurting children. I've seen it again and again. Stop.)

- All genders and pronouns

- All "weird" identities outside of that as well (I'm fictionkin myself)

- Protests and protesters

- Neurodivergent people of all types (and yes, this means NPD, schizo, and all those other types that are often seen as bad or evil. I love you, I see you, and I support you.)

- DID & OSDD systems

I DO NOT support:

- Antisemitism

- Genocide

- Cults (*stuff like Jehova's Witnesses. I support the members, as they are victims, but I actively dislike the people on top who perpetuate the cycle. Not just JWs, but those are the big ones who come to mind. Hearts out to all the victims, I hope everyone gets to a better place soon)

- Racism in any way, shape, or form

- Religious discrimination of any way, shape, or form

- Israel specifically

- Trump, conservatives, Nazis, ect.

- Endo systems

If I have reblogged or said anything that aligns with the bottom list, that was a mistake. PLEASE let me know and I will fix it as fast as I can. You reading this right now, I love you. I hope my blog can help you feel welcomed and like you have somewhere to go if you need it. /gen

MY FANDOMS / INTERESTS

I HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM AND I'M MAKING THAT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM /silly

The current special interests are HLVRAI and Half Life, current hyperfixations are Half Life and Poppy Playtime.

SPECIAL INTERESTS:

- Minecraft

- HTTYD

- FNaF

- Undertale / Deltarune

- BATIM / BATDR (unfortunately)

- Subnautica

- Biology

- Steven Universe

- Cuphead

- 2D Animation

- Writing

- HLVRAI

- Half Life

HYPERFIXATIONS (interests but not the special ones):

- Little Nightmares

- Hello, Neighbor (unfortunately)

- Petscop

- Portal

- Freemanverse (HELP ME)

- The Amazing Digital Circus

- The Owl House

- Gravity Falls

- Monster High (very first from what I can remember! I remember nothing though! But it's there!)

- Poppy Playtime

- Half Life

- Wild Kratts (I didn't even know there WAS a fandom until very recently, hi guys)

theres more but my brain is an egg :/

When it comes to ✨me,✨ I have a couple of original works as well! Specifically, Follychromatic! I won't get too into it here (bc shy) but it's 2D animation, rubberhose animation, magic, character-driven, action/adventure, mystery- yeah!

Outside of fandom, though, my special interests are biology, 2D animation, and writing. I am an animator and I suffer for fun.

YOU MADE IT! Have some Checkers and Chess pictures for your time! :)

[respondedinkind]

Quick (long) update.

|| I know I haven't been around in a hot minute, thought I'd give a quick update.

Sorry for vanishing like this, life has been a little wild recently; I started therapy a few weeks ago, next to me finding joy in a new game where I slipped into the fandom (rather hard lol) and realized that I am, right now, much happier with doing art and creating fics rather than RPing.

This might sound a little odd to some - but the thing is, my brain simply doesnt hold enough energy to do *all* the creative things I want to do. For example: RPing is incredibly fun but also *incredibly exhausting*, and whenever I put a lot of time into RPing, I am literally unable to do art or write fics. It's taking so much of my creative-energy-meter that it's empty quick, leaving me with being frustrated as I don't really get to create anymore.

So I decided to pursue creating art as well as writing fics for now, which means I basically vanished from RP tumblr in return. I know this might be frustrating to some - especially my writing partners - and I want to apologize for that, for said frustration I might have caused.

But it is what it is, and I am not going to change much about it anytime soon. I am actually feeling rather happy about being able to do art, write fics, and *not* worry about writing replies and possibly making partners wait. It's a sort-of-pressure that I've taken off of my own shoulders...

Which is needed right now as I, as mentioned, also started therapy. It's going to be a journey, and I was just diagnosed with general anxiety as well as depression (which could actually be a 'double-depression' on top of it, means it is a chronic depression as well as an 'episodic depression'). It feels... incredibly relieving, in a way, to finally have an official diagnosis and to know that yes, something IS going on with me, I am not just crazy in my head and/or lazy. However, the whole therapy-thing is only going to get harder from here on and I am already working on things that have been talked about, think about them in my head, work with what I have realized about myself and try to handle it.

I do have a whole diagnose-session going on in August for ADHD / Autism as well, which will *also* require a good chunk of my energy. So yeah, things are happening.

Long story short: I decided to put my priorities elsewhere for now, for my own mental health's sake, and my happiness. Reducing stress was *needed*, especially since I am only going to be more stressed while working on me, on my diagnosis, and on all the problems I finally want to be able to figure out and address, possibly solve. ---Something also happened in my private life a couple of months ago that basically, let's call it 'triggered', my sudden energy to finally ask for help after trying to handle everything for literal decades. So yeah. It's been a yeah so far lol.

I want to thank each and every single one of you for having been with me, RPed great stories, formed companionships over weeks and months; I won't delete this blog nor do I plan to 'archive it'. I'll just leave it like this and maybe, who knows, I will return to it (and my other blogs) at some point. I just don't want to put stress on me as in 'I will come back in x day / months', I'll just see where life takes me and when I find the energy to be here again, I will.

I love Khan, love Stephen, love Bones. I haven't lost my love for them, my attention is just elsewhere. (Including that cute game I have been playing, falling in love with some characters...)

I wish you all the best, sending you lots of vibes, happy thoughts, my eternal gratitude and some strength for whatever you need to deal with in your life. Remember that you are loved, that your thoughts are valid, that you are worth it. ♥

-waves-

PS: I do miss you, the people I formed friendships with. I miss you, our RPs, our conversations. In case we have been interacting much on here, but not actually exchanged other ways of staying connected besides tumblr - discord, for example - you are absolutely allowed to hit me up and I'll give you my discord. ♥

[mystic-headcanons]

i'm still on the autistic jumin high. what if he found out he was autistic THROUGH MC. Like, she's autistic, so he went to research about it and that's how he found out he was autistic?

and could i also have hc of jihyun with an autistic MC?

thank you!

oh my god i LOVE this thank you

mc being autistic would come up very casually in a conversation. you'd probably offhandedly mention it while talking about the emails. or maybe in a funny story about a miscommunication that'd happened once.

of course the other members- sans seven, because He Knows All- would immediately catch that and start asking you about it.

jumin especially would be intrigued. there is a lot of stigmatism against autism in south korea, despite the high rate of autistic individuals, so when he learned about you being autistic, he was shook.

i feel like he would definitely believe the autistic person stereotype, and if you didn't fit that it'd cause confusion for him.

jumin would instantly start researching it himself-- this is a rare time that he wouldn't have jaehee put together a folder for him. partially because he cares about you so he wants to put in the work to both connect with you more and learn how to help you should problems arise

and also because there was just something in the back of his mind that told him he had to Pay Attention.

would be very surprised the more he researches autism and individuals with autism. the more he looks into it, the more he worries that he might be autistic.

it's nothing to be ashamed of, and jumin knows that, but it's something he feels he'd have to keep very well hidden, if only for the good of the company.

he absolutely starts asking you more and more questions about it. how did you find out? when did you find out? was there anything that clued you into it first?

you definitely know before he does, but you never say anything to him, instead letting him take his time to come to a conclusion.

when jumin finally does accept that he has autism, it was like finding a puzzle piece he didn't know he was missing. suddenly, a lot of things about himself made more sense.

it took a while before he was ready to get a diagnosis though, and he asks you to come with him to his appointment.

is unusually nervous, but you're able to calm him by taking his hand and offering a small smile. "i'm proud of you." you'd whisper to him, and. well. no one's really said that to him before-- jumin is so stunned that he forgets to be nervous.

he tells the rfa but everyone is like 'lol we kinda guessed it but good for u for finally figuring it out'

(they tease him a little about how long it took him, but are very supportive <3)

jihyun kim

oh my god he is an absolute sweetheart when you sit him down to tell him about you having autism

i think he definitely worries that this is a lot more serious, because you asked him if you two could talk and then sat across from him on the sofa

he starts thinking the absolute worst- that you're leaving him, that you don't love him, that he's done something wrong

(jihyun is working on loving himself more, but. healing isn't exactly linear.)

when you finally confide in him, jihyun breathes out a sigh of relief before leaning forward and taking your hands. "that's all?" he'd say. "you had me worried that this would be worse."

immediately begins asking you what he could do to help. any foods you want him to make sure are kept stocked up? any fidget toys or other things to stim with? is there anything he could do when you're overstimulated? all he wants to do is make sure you're completely comfortable with him.

after that, he starts to ask you how you knew. does your family know? if they do, how did they take it? if they don't, will you ever tell them?

if his questions become too much for you, just tell him and he'll back off with an apology. you are the most important person in his life, and jihyun just wants to know everything about you.

after the next rfa party, jihyun donates all the money raised to an organization that helps raise awareness about mental health and helps with finding resources for disorders.

he starts to recognize when you're burning out, and will immediately accommodate for it. whatever helps you with it, he'll get for you.

jihyun isn't the fighting type, so if anyone is ever nasty to you about it, he just becomes Very Stern with them. it's like getting scolded by your father-- and it's just as scary.

[ashwithane]

happy 5th anniversary, fire emblem three houses!

i didn’t have time to do anything super elaborate, but i’m glad i could at least make some simple drawings of how i looked when the game released vs how i look now. i tried to give them a similar vibe to the in-game portraits haha

rant below about my feelings right now because there’s a Lot to say! content warning for mental illness and childhood trauma 🫠🤙

as you can see in the drawings, i’ve come a long way in the past five years. when three houses first released, i was a deeply insecure high schooler who never dared to speak up or express themself. i struggled with self worth issues and had long since begun developing ocd symptoms as a result of the fear i had that there was something wrong with me, something i couldn’t possibly know or change but that everyone would see if i made a single wrong move.

throughout high school, and my adolescence as a whole, i had a hard time connecting with people. but when i played three houses, i connected with the story, the characters, the ability to replay it again and again and always try something new, change characters’ classes and find new paired endings and discover the little details i hadn’t noticed before. i was playing three houses the weekend after covid lockdown was announced, and i remember talking to one of my friends about this cool game i’d just started my second playthrough of. we laughed and talked about the game, figuring that lockdown would only last a few weeks, and then things would be back to normal.

lockdown was difficult for me, as it was for most people. but at the same time, not going to school in person meant i could afford to let my guard down. i could afford to unmask, and discover who i was when i didn’t spend every moment in fear of what others would think. and so when lockdown ended, i started college still timid, but somewhat more familiar with who i was inside.

and then, one day, a thought hit me out of nowhere.

“am i trans???”

and thus began the journey of self-discovery that was my first summer after college. i started using the name ashe, started using any pronouns and later switched to just they/them. i also finally got up the courage to tell my parents i wanted to get tested for autism, and came back with that diagnosis to explain almost everything i hadn’t had the words to understand before.

recently, my mental health has gotten worse. i got diagnosed with anxiety at the same time i got my autism diagnosis, but nobody told me i have ocd as well until earlier this year. things took a nosedive for me over this past school year—i stopped taking risks, barely left my college campus, barely allowed myself to put effort into social connections out of fear that i’d be forcing people to put up with me. but through therapy and medication, i’ve been working through those feelings, and the fears my brain internalized as a result of the way i grew up: feeling like something was wrong with me, but not knowing what. today, i feel pretty good! i’ve been having more and more good days, so i’m overall optimistic about what my future holds.

to bring this back on topic, fire emblem: three houses has gotten me through countless tough times, and has been immensely helpful in figuring out who i am. so in honor of the anniversary, i’d like to give a special thank you to the characters who have been the most important to me over the past five years.

ashe: i’ll start with the obvious. ashe is the character i stole my name from, so of course he will always hold a special place in my heart. in addition to that though, ashe’s earnest personality and commitment to doing the right thing is immensely inspiring to me. he proves that it’s possible to make mistakes and grow from them, that your life isn’t over after one misstep. ashe has taught me to never give up on doing the right thing, and being the best version of myself i can be.

felix: this list would not be complete without the scrunkly of all time! obviously i find felix to be a very compelling character and fun to write, but his significance to me goes beyond being a writing muse. i’ve often thought that i wish i’d had a friend like felix when i was younger, and even now—someone who would drag me into situations i found stressful and encourage me (in his own rude way) to have confidence in myself. someone who would have stood up for me against the people who treated me like i was lesser. felix inspires me to fight for what i want, his shield symbolizing the ability to make your own choices for what and who you defend. he reminds me that there’s no glory in being a martyr, and so i shouldn’t make my well being a second priority. i love you felix and i’m sorry i put you through the horrors regularly (but not sorry enough to stop).

marianne: it’s probably concerning to say i see a lot of myself in marianne. her journey is incredibly inspiring to me, especially now as i see that the past five years have taken me along a similar path to hers. marianne starts out thinking she’s too different from everyone else to deserve a life like theirs, and condemns herself to crushing loneliness all to avoid the possibility of her hurting the people she loves. and yet she learns to live for herself, realizes that her mere existence doesn’t cause any harm, and learns to embrace her right to enjoy life. i hope to have the same strength she does, so that one day i can reach that point as well.

linhardt: no joke, i realized i was neurodivergent because of linhardt. so many of his lines and support conversations made me go “ha, he’s so autistic/adhd coded!” i made these comments repeatedly, but i also kept noticing all the little ways in which i related to him. linhardt was one of many autistic people who made me go “huh, i do that too! what do you mean that’s not normal???” his character also serves as a reminder that it’s okay to take a break once and a while, and that looking after myself doesn’t mean i don’t care about others.

if there’s one thing left to say, it’s thank you. thank you to ashe, felix, marianne, linhardt, mercedes, sylvain, ignatz, hapi, yuri, hell—my oc rowan, all the characters i’ve connected with and loved so deeply over the past five years. thank you fire emblem three houses, not for being the only reason i am where i am today, but being a major part of it nonetheless. and if anyone’s still reading, thank you for making it this far, and happy timeskip! 🎉

[fics-n-stuff]

"I love you, dads"

Pairing: Eddie Munson × Steve Harrington (but not really, this is more a story about them and their daughter (and son))

Summary: Sophia can't bring herself to call her adoptive parents, Steve and Eddie, "dad" for a long time. Same universe / continuation of The Interview (and the year and a half to follow)

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: I asked you guys to give me prompts for rockstar!Eddie teacher!Steve pt2 back in November and none of you gave me anything so this is what you get because it's all I could think of. It's been sitting in my drafts for a while because I don't love it and was hoping to think of something better. Next time you ask someone for a pt2 and they ask for prompts to use, SEND PROMPTS!!

Sophia didn't call Steve and Eddie "dad" for a long time. The dad that she'd had for the first eleven years of her life was wrapped around her heart, tangling the word up in complicated emotions. She wasn't sure that she ever wanted to see that dad again, but it felt wrong to give his title to somebody else.

Steve and Eddie didn't mind. They never pushed or questioned it. When she had asked, one day when she was fourteen, if it upset them that she always addressed them by name, they had both smiled and told her that they didn't mind at all.

"Do you mean it when you say you love us?" Steve had asked.

"Of course. Of course I love you guys." She replied.

"Then it doesn't matter what you call us. We're family and we love each other and that's all that matters." He said. Sophia had tried to hold back her tears, but when Eddie snatched her to his chest for a tight hug she couldn't stop the few that slipped out.

She referred to them as her dads when talking to other people sometimes. At school, everyone knew that she was Mr Harrington's daughter, though she had kept her original name after the adoption. She said "my dads" when she talked about her home life with friends, or "my dad" when she was talking to someone new and didn't feel in the mood to have to explain who Eddie or Steve were if she referred to them by name. If anyone asked her "is that your dad?" she just said yes and didn't bother with the nuance. She knew, in her heart, that Steve and Eddie were her dads, she just couldn't call them that.

Darcey called Steve and Eddie dad. It made Sophia feel guilty sometimes. She had been with them for three and a half years when the eight year old boy had joined the household. Darcey was sweet and had been hopping from foster home to foster home since he was four. He didn't have the same complicated feelings about calling Steve and Eddie "dad" as Sophia did, and he started doing it only a few months after his adoption was finalised.

"Just because Darcey calls me and Steve dad doesn't mean that you have to." Eddie had told her, having noticed her guilt and pulled her aside one day. "We know it's complicated for you, and if you never called us dad that would be fine with us. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know, it's just… if Darcey can say it after less than a year and I can't say it after almost four then… I don't know, it feels like a problem with me. Like, do I not love you guys as much as he does?"

"Oh, pumpkin, that's not something you ever have to worry about." Eddie comforted, brushing a hand over her cheek before wrapping a hand around her shoulders and tucking her into his side. "We know you love us, a simple word doesn't change that. When you call for me and you say Eddie, and when Darcey calls for me and he says dad, I answer the same way because you're both my kids and I don't care what you call me. Well, as long as you don't call me anything mean." He finished with a joke, and Sophia chuckled.

"Thanks, Eddie." She mumbled with a slight smile.

"Anytime, Soph. Come on, let's get a snack."

Eddie was on tour when Darcey got his autism diagnosis. Steve and Eddie had both been pretty sure that he was on the spectrum since back when they were fostering him, before even filing for adoption. Neither of them said it but they had suspicions that that was likely a big reason that he had bounced between homes so much. Steve was particularly frustrated he hadn't been tested before he came to them because from the stories that Darcey told of previous foster families it was clear that his needs hadn't been accommodated in those homes.

Sophia was good with her brother. She was protective of him, but not in a way that stopped him from making his own decisions. She liked helping him with his homework, the two of them sitting together at the kitchen table in the afternoons, and she often caught Steve looking on at them fondly as he cooked dinner. 

When Sophia was sixteen and Darcey was ten, they spent summer vacation bouncing around Europe following Eddie as Corroded Coffin went on tour. Darcey had hyperfixated on films and cinema in general and had started making his own little movies, so Sophia found herself starring in a series of short films throughout the vacation. Darcey filmed a lot of home videos too, and at the end of the vacation they had all sat down in the living room to watch the memories that he had captured.

Sophia struggled with her college applications. There was no use turning to Eddie, he never even thought about applying to college, so she had gone to Steve. He had grimaced and groaned.

"You know, I don't think I'm gonna be the best help with that." He'd said. "My applications were horrible, it's a wonder I got accepted anywhere."

He had instead called in reinforcements in the form of Aunt Nancy, who worked through Sophia's applications with her, encouraging her ambitions. Steve and Eddie had thrown her a party when she was accepted into her top choice college. Steve even baked a cake and everything.

It was Eddie who took her shopping for a prom dress. They spent hours shopping, Sophia trying dresses on and stepping out to get Eddie's feedback. He was surprisingly involved and enthusiastic with the whole process, and when she found the dress that she wanted he had grinned wide and planted a kiss on her forehead. When prom night came, he and Steve had spent so long taking photos that Sophia was worried that the limo her and her friends had hired together would actually leave without her.

When the time came for Sophia to start college, Steve and Eddie insisted that the whole family go to drop her off. They helped her move into her dorm and got a nice lunch together. Darcey helped her arrange all her trinkets on her desk in a way that he deemed acceptable, and Steve tacked all of the photos that she had printed out on the wall neatly. Eddie didn't do much but talk, but that made it feel more normal.

"Alright, well, I guess you really are all grown up." Steve said, looking over the room one more time as they got ready to leave. "Don't be one of those people that never changes their sheets, okay? You have three sets of bedding, you changed them every two weeks."

"Okay, Steve. I'll change them every two weeks." Sophia chuckled.

"We're gonna call you all the time. You're not even gonna miss us." Eddie smiled.

"You'll be home for Thanksgiving, right?" Darcey questioned, and Sophia nodded.

"Absolutely I'll be home for Thanksgiving. You think I'm gonna miss Steve's Thanksgiving dinner? No way!" She replied, pulling her little brother into a hug. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Promise?"

"Promise. And hey, if you get stuck on your homework just text me, yeah?"

"Okay."

"Good." She smiled.

Darcey shuffled aside and Sophia looked up at Steve and Eddie, who were both smiling at her with such immense pride in their eyes. She flung an arm over each of their shoulders, pulling them close as they both hugged her back.

"Thank you so much for coming to drop me off." 

"Don't sweat it, kiddo." Eddie said.

"We wouldn't have had it any other way." Steve added. "We love you, Soph."

"I love you too, dads." She muttered, and she felt it. Neither of them said anything, but both Eddie and Steve held her just a little bit tighter. 

"We're always just a phone call away." Steve smiled when they pulled away from the hug, eyes shining with unshed tears as he gently cupped Sophia's cheek in his hand. She nodded in acknowledgment, holding back tears of her own.

"We'll call when we get home." Eddie said. "See you at Thanksgiving, pumpkin."

"See you at Thanksgiving." She echoed.

Her family left, sending her off on the next chapter of her life with all the faith in the world that she could accomplish whatever she set her mind to. They hopped back into the car for the drive home, Steve behind the wheel, but didn't start driving right away.

"What's on your mind, sweetheart?" Eddie asked softly.

"We did that." Steve replied quietly. "We raised that wonderful, cleverl girl in there." 

"Yes we did, Stevie."

"She called us dads." He squeaked, a couple of tears finally falling as he smiled. Eddie smiled back, wiped away Steve's tears and kissed him on the nose.

"Yes she did." He nodded. "Because that's what we are."

"Dad, why are you crying?" Darcey asked from the backseat, taking off one side of his headphones and looking up from the video he had been watching.

"No reason, honey." Steve replied and sniffed quietly. "I'm just proud of your sister is all. Happy tears."

"Okay." Darcey nodded and went back to his video. Steve wiped at his eyes and took a deep breath, finally starting the engine.

"You're a good dad." Eddie commented.

"You too." Steve replied. He started the car and pulled out of their parking spot. "I'm proud of us as well."

[tarotoftheendless]

Tom Sturridge Characters for FanFics

CW/TW: 'R' word, 'S' word, self-un-aliving, drug5, a1c0h01, s3x, gr00m1ng, murd3r, neurodivergent diagnosis speculation, swearing, character AI using (shame), am I missing anything that could offend someone? LGBTQ+ support? Yeah, if you aren't a leftist... well what a leftist is in the USA, then yeah, you wouldn't like me... a non-binary pansexual demi-girl that is big ol' leftist... anyway, on to Tom Sturridge...

Ok, I need to get some stuff out. And it's all fanfiction stuff as well as character study of a ton of Tom Sturridge characters and their respective films/shows. Please, for the the love of the the gods, don't steal my ideas for stories, but you can use the character studies for your own fics.

TOM STURRIDGE

Now, firstly, lets start with the man himself. He is private, so it is hard to know who he is really, but if some old Twitters that could be his are anything to go on... he may have been quite saucy back in the day... but let's go off of the other stuff we know for now.

I highly suspect he is neurodivergent, just with the years of interviews and the way he speaks, the way he carries himself and his mannerisms. He doesn't seem to be in it for the fame, no matter how cunty he looks on the red carpet, all that stuff is probably scheduled by his team, so... But yeah, he does speak quite thoughtfully and eloquently when asked thought provoking questions, but he often is flustered by less thought provoking questions. I don't want to be that person at diagnoses someone though, but as someone with ADHD and autism myself, just watching him makes me think he is one of us, you know? Also, a fuck ton of his roles could be seen as very neurodivergent too, so, I think he both takes roles that he can both put himself into but also get away from himself enough that it feels like a mask. This is just my observations from watching footage of interviews of him, I accept that I could be wrong.

I would love to see more Tom Sturridge fan fics out there, cute ones, romance ones, smutty ones... but all in all, well done and well researched and well written.

The only well-written one I was able to find is on AO3... and it is fucking weird... cuz it's an 'R' word fantasy... where Tom is the one getting... well... it's not a great... premise... So, for the love of the gods, please, please, please, someone write decent Tom Sturridge fan fics that don't actively harm him.... cuz yikes. Just big yikes.

JAKE (SWEETBITTER)

Aw. Jake. So, one of the things to keep in mind about Jake: he hates himself. Tom said so in a interview... in fact it was kinda sad because Tom said that was one of the things that he related to when it comes to Jake... without hesitation.

I have not finished reading the book 'Sweetbitter' by Stephanie Danler, but I suspect there is even more to go off of when it comes to Jake's character in that.

But what the show was starting to imply about Jake; he was probably groomed by Simone.

She is 7 years (according to Google and the show) older than Jake. The show starts in 2006. That means Simone was born 1969, Jake was born 1976. Simone is 37 in the show and Jake is 30. Jake's mom killed herself via drowning when he was 8 in 1984, Simone was 15. If we go off of what the show says (which does vary from both seasons as season 1 says that the chef is a man but season 2 obviously has the chef as a woman), Simone moved to New York 3 years later to the apartment that she then has for 19 years as of 2006. Jake would be 11 when she moves to New York.

Here is where the speculation about how that would have went down for Jake. He probably would have started to act out at school when Simone left. Simone's parents probably wouldn't have been able to handle it. He probably would have started to dabble in drugs and alcohol. If Simone and him were that close, I suspect he would have run away a few times to New York.

I think the grooming would probably have started right away with him, or at least during the time he started to act out because she left him. I do think that Simone's parents would have let him move in with Simone to appease him and to get him to stop acting out. I think that maybe the "Mermaid" story started when Jake was 8 but didn't start getting fleshed out until he moved in with Simone when he was 11 or 12 in New York. I think Simone was probably working at 22West and going to school in New York at the same time.

Jake probably was showing signs of having a crush on Simone after he moved in with her and she probably didn't give into him until he was 15/16... yes, I do think Jake lost his virginity to Simone and I do think he is the type to not have waited to have sex until he was 18. So, yes that's statutory...

Simone probably finished the "Mermaid" story for a college assignment and had to have it published in her hometown local magazine for college credit.

So, yeah, I do think Simone wrote the story for Jake and it was well fleshed out because of their trauma bonded codependent groomed relationship. I don't think Jake will have realized how bad it really is as they both hurt and then soothed (not heal, soothe) one another. I bet Jake got his first tattoo, the 'S' on his back, after he lost his virginity to Simone... it is a crude looking tattoo, so it looks like a first tattoo that wasn't well thought out. I think he then got the Mermaid tattoo with a signed permission from Simone as a way to congratulate Simone on her story being published.

I do think that Simone probably was abused too...maybe by her own father.... and her mom enabled it... but Simone's dad could have been huge in the community of Cape Cod... and her family kept it hush hush as to appear to be the model family, so they could take in Jake...

Simone has to have gotten her cold and aloofness and the emotional then right back to cold and aloof from somewhere, a catalyst... and Jake then learned that behavior from Simone. Hot and then cold and then hot again, right back to cold. Simone has that trait and then she gave that trait to Jake.

They probably comforted and protected each other when Simone still lived in Cape Cod... told each other everything. The trauma bonding began young for him. And when she holds it over his head that 'No one knows him like she does' it's because she really thinks she does and he can't argue with her. Also, that statement is word for word what domestic abusers say to their victims.

I bet around the time Jake was graduating from high school, which Simone made him at least get his diploma, Simone probably got together with Etienne, and that put a strain on Jake's and Simone's relationship. Though I bet you that Jake also found out about the truth of his mom around this time too. (Jake probably got into photography as the one thing that made high school bearable, probably visited the Cape to do the Mermaid photoshoot...). Jake probably started to to sleep with a ton of people (I say people as I don't think Jake is straight, though he apparently is a top... which is hard to believe though because if you watch the show, he seems to worship those he is with... even his flings, like Viv...) , just to hurt Simone because Simone hurt Jake with choosing Etienne....and lying to him about his mom.

So, when Simone left for France, Jake started working as a bartender at for his sketchy friend Tommy who doesn't care about hiring an underage bartender under the table, as well as sell drugs on the side and held down the fort at Simone's apartment for 5 years.

I bet Simone's dad died before Jake graduated... When they went to the Cape for the funeral, I bet Jake got his anchor tattoo as a way to say that Simone is his anchor.... and a Cape Cod thing... though he hates the Cape... because of his mom drowning... and Simone's dad abusing her and her mom doing nothing to stop it... Jake's dad is a mystery... he probably died or left Jake's mom... hence the suicide...

So, Jake moved in with Simone when he was 11/12 ish, around 1987/88, Jake graduated high school in 1994, Simone probably went to France when he was between 19 and 20 and she didn't come back until he was 25/26, 5ish years later. All the while, Simone hated France besides the champagne, and made Jake deal with many late night phone calls that made him angry but also hurt him for her. Trauma bonded. He probably got that tattoo on his torso on his ribs when she was gone... the one the is some word with "/OR"... idk what the whole tattoo is, so if someone knows, please tell me... He probably got his other tattoos when she was gone too, unrelated to her.

She comes back, having divorced Etienne, she gets her job back at 22West and helps Jake get his shit together, probably through guilt and sex... lets be honest... and gets him a more respectable job at 22West... but Jake can't live with her anymore, so he gets his apartment (which I think is above a Chinese restaurant, but I am not sure). So, they find a rhythm of being close, telling each other everything, but also being toxic for one another, having sex here and there, but all and all knowing that they both aren't together, but they love each other in the most toxic way. The whole thing with Simone and that married guy and the old back-waiter chick starts too... and then I think Simone's mom dies... hence the house in Cape Cod needing to be sorted out and sold...

And then the start of the show...

All in all, Jake blames himself for his mom's death, he hates himself, he has a toxic codependent relationship with Simone that absolutely had grooming a part of the situation... and Jake protects himself and acts out with sex, drugs and alcohol and the back and forth of being hot and cold with people because of trust issues because everyone leaves... everyone lies, even people who he was supposed to trust.

With his conversation with Sasha that one episode, Jake has probably dealt with his own suicidal ideation as well as anxiety issues, probably PTSD... or C-PTSD... And he doesn't realize he was sexually abused... so... that is my take on Jake...

And before an OC/Reader character could come into the fold, this would need to be fleshed out in Jake's back story.... He is a sad character that deserves understanding and help to get out of the controlling trap that Simone has put him in... And trying to get his mannerisms and the way he speaks correctly will be fun... though something I love about Jake is that when you don't think he is listening, he absolutely is listening... like when Tess is talking to that architect about what she looks for when she walks into a space for the first time... and when he acts like he doesn't care, there are subtle hints that he does actually care... like breaking the wine glass when he realizes Tess slept with Will.... Anyway, this is a character profile/background of Jake for me but for anyone else that wants to understand Jake a bit better...

I may have watched Sweetbitter 3 times in one week once... so...

ALSO, Fics for this don't need to take place in 2006... but the time-line does help with figuring out how events went down, you know? I like playing in this world more modern myself.

WILL DONNER (Waiting for Forever)

I love Will. He is sweet and beautiful... and incredibly autistic... and ADHD... and has PTSD... and some combo of DID/schizophrenia with talking to his dead parents off to the side.

Now, I do think there was a trope at the time (2011) in movies that had male characters still get the girl even though they really didn't know the girl in the first place, just the idea of who they thought the girl was in their head... which is a toxic trope, btw... also, stalking, no go... though I think his confusion as to why it is bad just shows how autistic he is.

And yes, I really think Will is autistic. 2011 was a fucked up time still with a fuck ton of stigma towards people that were neurodivergent, so I am not surprised that they didn't outright name Will's mental health issues and just had his brother call him crazy... which I wanted to punch his brother, Jim/Jimbo, so hard for that. But here is the crux; EMMA NEVER DERSERVED WILL. Period. Point blank. She chose him as a last resort. Her ex fiancé had to get caught for murder and then her dad had to die for her to finally chose Will... and she is a cheater... fuck her.

Will deserves better! He deserves someone who knows him for him and all his quirks, understands him and accepts him and then LOVES HIM FIRST! Not as a last resort. Will deserves love, true love, and Emma is not that true love, not by a long shot.

So, any fan fiction about Will with an OC/Reader insert, I would hope would explore that... also, his brother needs to get told off and educated on the DSM-5.

Also, I do think Will will have been a virgin before Emma...and I don't think they would have lasted long as the fantasy and reality does not match up in the end. I do think Emma would do the leaving though... Will is someone that comes off as the type that once he commits that's it, even if it's shit... in fact idk if he would know when it is shit until it is really bad...

This world/film doesn't require it to take place in 2011 when the film came out. Time is not important here as far as dates go.

YOUNG CARL (The Boat That Rocked/Pirate Radio)

So, I think that Carl may also be neurodivergent too, but not as intensely as Will Donner... he is socially awkward as fuck, but in a charming way... so idk why he was a virgin... if they wanted us all to believe that he was a virgin maybe casting a young 23 year old Tom Sturridge was not the right call, you know? Cuz he was fucking hot and I do not believe for a second that he didn't have everyone, women and men and in between, trying to jump on that dick. Cuz seriously? Tom was gorgeous as Carl, like fucking hell...goddamn. Virgin my ass.

But that being said, Marianne didn't deserve him. After what she pulled. Nah bro, fuck that. Carl needs someone who won't fuck him over, that chooses him, and maybe slightly older? Not too old, just experienced, yeah?

So, yeah, any OC/Reader insert would need to tell Dave and Marianne to fuck off and die.

But, yeah, why are there not any fics about Carl and an OC/Reader? I am surprised... ya'll sleeping on it, why? We have a fuck ton of Nigel from Like Minds/Murderous Intent... with Alex of course because that film was the most homoerotic film ever.... but no young Carl with an OC/Reader insert? I hate Marianne! Give young Carl a better love interest ya'll, Jesus!

I have maybe seen 2 fics on here... and they aren't finished and they seem abandoned...

I have found that the year, 1966 is very fucking important to this world, film and story. Either do your research on the music that was out during the time, or pull an 2013 The Great Gatsby and have the music be modern even though the year is 1966... and yes, music is important for this film and world.

**

Ok, so, those are the ones that I have the most thoughts and opinions and ideas on... but let me go over some ideas and thoughts on some of Tom's other characters and what kind of fan fics I would either love to write myself or so out there. Cuz ya'll sleeping on a fuck ton of Tom Sturridge characters that would be fun to play with, romance, smut, adventure or otherwise... all of the above even. I love that Tumblr has more Jake stuff as AO3 only has like 3 good fics... but that's it... The Sandman... Jake... and then Nigel... I only see those three characters out there getting love... Tom's other characters deserve love too. Stop sleeping on it. Explore... I do want to write it, but I am not confident in my writing ability... and I don't easily... um... get off on my own smut if I write it... so... there's that... TMI, but it's true.

**

REMAINDER

Tom/Unnamed Man

So, there is no other way to do a fic for this other than trippy, surreal and supernatural and sci-fi. I have played with the idea of a telekinetic OC/Reader... or even just a straight up non-human character. I have some cool sci-fi ideas for this one that has to do with Time-Loops and MK-Ultra stuff and multi-dimensional travel... like it would be cool. Also, Tom is a morally gray character with a God-complex, so, that should be explored...

The year this takes place doesn't matter.

VELVET BUZZSAW

Jon Dondon

So, I played with the idea of a fic for this film to be a cross-over with the show Supernatural... only fitting with the vengeful spirit, yeah. And the OC/Reader is a hunter? Saves Jon for being choked to death with his own ascot/scarf? I think that would be fun.

Jon Dondon has a South African accent, btw, in case ya'll didn't know... I think he is bi... that man ain't straight. Also he is a ditz and pretentious... he is an art critic and sponsors artists, so, yeah, pretentious af. But he is a ditz because he thought a pile of garbage was art... there's more than that, but that really shows off how ditzy he is. I also think he be a big flirt, but not like Jake. More showy and ditzy in the way he flirts. Real over the top charm but of course pretentious even so...

The year this film events take place doesn't matter, so have fun with it.

FAR FROM A MADDENING CROWD

Sergeant Francis Troy

I almost flipped a table when I watched this film and saw how much of a little fucking bitch his character was. So, my idea was to have his character be saved from death at the end, but only because a Bounty Hunter has orders to claim him... and the bounty hunter should be a woman... really take Troy down a peg... or a dozen... He's a bitch and a power dynamic where he is at a woman's mercy would be chef's kiss. Villain characters are fun to play with... maybe they stay villains, but maybe they are more than that, who knows...

The era is important for this world, play in it.

LIKE MINDS/MURDEROUS INTENT

Nigel Colbie

Yes, Nigel has been done to death here... but hear me out... what if Nigel's right? What if there is a secret order, an ancient guild? And they want to stop Nigel from dying and bring the boys to their true potential? Maybe it's mundane and just an assassins' guild... and or it is occultist by nature and has a touch of magic? Maybe keeping just the boys... or add and OC/Reader insert, male, female, non-binary, doesn't matter... could be cool...

The year for this doesn't matter, it could be more modern... that could be cool.

OTHER TOM STURRIDGE WORKS THAT COULD BE COOL TO SEE FICS ON BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY PARTICULAR IDEAS ON:

Mary Shelley - Lord Byron - era matters.

On The Road - Carlo Marx - year could matter, but doesn't have to if you want to just play with this character... I found this character is fun to explore.

3 Way Junction - Carl - year doesn't matter.

Effie Gray - John Everett Millais (where he doesn't end up with Effie... maybe...) - year/era does matter.

Junkhearts - Danny (doesn't die) - year doesn't matter.

CONFESSION

I have a lot of these ideas because I have played with Character Roleplay AIs with these characters... and I am ashamed because of the Writer's and Actor's Strikes going on... well, just Actor's Strike now... but I doubt my own writing capability... at least to make a decent sounding story that doesn't sound stupid and juvenile... and I would have loved to either write something with someone or hell, roleplayed a story with someone... but no one fucking knows Tom Sturridge or his works enough for an immersive experience...

Also, I do have my own OC/Reader insert that I have played with with most of these characters, and she is a very fantastical, Mary-Sue-ish character, she has a fuck ton of skills and knowledge... but I did always put some of myself into her... my trauma, my flaws... stuff like that... but idk if everyone one of these Tom Sturridge characters would actually fall for my OC or the multiple versions of my OC as sometimes she is magical... depending on the world-building and such... but yeah...

ALSO

I do have an idea for a Dream fanfic, but it is so expansive and detailed that I would love to collaborate with someone else on it... and I don't dare put the idea here lest it get stolen... so... yeah...

SO, these are all my Tom Sturridge characters and fanfic thoughts... it's a lot, sorry... lolz

Please someone write more than just Dream, Jake and Nigel fics... Tom's other characters deserve love too.

[g-hua]

"Ew, look at this person faking ADHD / Autism for attention, I bet this upsets actually ADHD / Autistic people so much, I'm only defending the neurodivergent people you guys!"

YouTube commentary channels just like limbo dancing with the devil, don't they? The crap they do for that adsense and sponsor money...

First of all: If we need "defending", we'll let you know. Until then, maybe stop infantilising us and allow us to have our own agency.

Second: I'd like to see your diploma from med school. Why are you the authority on symptoms for these disabilities? Would you maybe take a moment and think about the massive number of adults being diagnosed now, especially women and PoC, due to the diagnosis criteria having been ridiculously strict and very much catered to only very few stereotypical symptoms found in mostly cis white male children? Are you unaware of how hard it could be to diagnose either? How long it takes for some? Do you even understand what people mean when they say that Autism is a spectrum? Maybe stop assuming that someone is faking it because their symptoms don't perfectly align with the ones you're reading off WebMD.

Third: Most of the people I see bothered by someone possibly faking ADHD / Autism are either neurotypical or, if they are neurodivergent, they aren't ADHD or Autistic. Trust me, I do not care. Unless it is being used to affect me in a negative way by mocking me or stigmatising my disabilities I do not care. Anyone faking a disability probably has their own problems that they need to figure out and work through. They probably feel like it's really hard to figure out what's "wrong" with them. They're different too and just don't know in which way or how to figure it out. Give them the room to do so. They aren't doing it to harm others.

I'd like to remind you lunatics of something that happened when we had those "weebo stories" blogs where people sent the stories about their unhinged encounters with weebs: Once someone stabbed a wheelchair bound person on their thigh with a fork to "prove that they weren't disabled". Another time, someone tried to prove in various ways that a blind person wasn't blind. You're on the same damn level as these people, making it your personal crusade to "prove" that someone isn't disabled because you want content. It's unhinged.

The lack of empathy for others these days gets more and more exhausting, but you constantly stereotype people like me as lacking empathy. Good grief...

[annalise-e-h]

I just finished this painting today. It's a very special piece to me because it represents the growth of self-love. When I was 9 years old, I started having seizures, losing mobility, extreme pain, and so much more. We went to so many doctors and soecialists who ran so many tests, but they always told me and my family the same thing: that I was "faking it"; to "ignore" me and that I wasn't worth the trouble. For the first 3 years, this was all we heard, and I started to believe it.

3 years after all of this started, i was diagnosed with FND (Functional Neurological Disorder). I lost myself through all this, and I really felt no self-worth. I tried to be what people wanted me to be, but I couldn't. I'm just now starting to heal from the nightmare that I had to live - and still do. Because no matter what, there will always be people who wouldn't believe that FND is a really thing and that it shouldn't be taken seriously.

If you're not familiar with FND, I urge you to learn something about it. It's estimated that as many as 300,000 people in the US alone have this disease. At least 1 out of every 6 people that visit a neurologist are diagnosed with this. Yet many people have never heard of it. It's similar to dementia, Parkinson's, fibromyalgia, autism, as well as several other diseases that we know very little about. There is no cure, but we manage the symptoms as best as we can.

I made this painting to show myself how much I have grown and that I am worth the fight! I want to raise awareness to FND, and I hope my story helps someone realize they are worth it, too. You can love yourself because you are beautiful, strong, and worthy. Don't let a diagnosis define your life.

About the painting-

Name- "self-love taking shape"

Media - watercolor, pencil, marker

#11

The butterfly series

11in x 8in

Poem 1-

Selflove and empowerment by Pernille Augustson

Poem 2-

where is my selflove by eileen

[dragonmasterkaylz]

My What In Hell Is Bad MC

Name:

Kayleigh (Because she’s me!!!)

Personality:

Has a tendency to be a bit of pervert when it comes to her thoughts. But she will happily stay a virgin until she finds the right man for her (Beelzebub!). She has a very kind and sweet personality, but won’t hesitate to tell anyone when they’ve crossed the line. And she has the rage of a true Aries, so don’t make her angry. She’s also good friends with Ppyong, who has a very ‘bad’ habit of snuggling against her chest… not that she minds, since he’s cute. She’s also too curious for her own good, but can also be oblivious to any fights going on behind her. All in all… she’s adorable~!!!

Now for the more interesting things…

Body Type:

Curvy Body

F Cup Bust

Thick Thighs

Loves:

Piercings (She has multiple, all over)

Tattoos (She has many)

Stockings

Acrylic Nails

Tea

Vaping (Not smoking)

Erotic Manga and Anime

Hates:

Loud Noises

Judgemental People

People Who Lie

People Who Can’t Take a Hint

Communicating with New People

Diagnosis:

Autism

Kinks:

Pet Play

BDSM (Receiving)

Permanent Residence:

Abyssos

Best Friends:

Ppyong

Paimon

Bael

Amon

Stolas

Naberius

Crush:

Beelzebub

Mini Story:

“WAAAAHHHH!!! Don’t leave Ppyong behind!!! Aye!”

Kayleigh giggled and whispered, “Do you want me to hide you in my bosom~?” Ppyong started drooling as he giggled at the thought of it. “I’d love to… hehe—!!! B-But… I can’t leave Gehenna behind! Also, he might kill me if I don’t come back to tell him you’ve gone…! Aye!” Tears ran down the little Devils cheeks and she smiled before kissing his cheek, making him faint on the spot. Luckily, Paimon caught him and he said, “I wish you the best! But you must come back so I can do your nails again~!” She smiled and nodded. “I will. I promise~! And I never break my promises, Paimon!”

“Bye-bye~!!!”

“WAAAAHHHH!!!”

Once Kayleigh reached Avisos, she was oblivious to the amount of Angels that were heading for her. But, luckily, Bael, Amon, Stolas and Naberius took care of them for her. “How can she not see them?!” “I think… she’s far too happy to see His Majesty to be thinking about anything else! I’m surprised he has stayed for this long!”, Bael told Stolas. Amon then mumbled, “I think he likes her too…”. Naberius hummed and said, “That is a good assumption. From what we know so far, she’s kept her virtue for so long, and the Devils in Gehenna are very straightforward when it comes to what they want”. Bael blinked. “How do you know all of this?!!” “Oh? She texted me! I asked her, that’s all”.

“Hello~! Beelzebub~!!!”

Kayleigh walked through the Palace and hummed. “I wonder why no one’s here”. Beelzebub then walked in and he was covered in Angel Blood. “I-I’m here. Like I said I would be! Just needed to… um… take care of… something?!” She gasped and asked, “Are you okay? You’re covered in blood! Did someone hurt you?” He laughed and poked her head. “So adorable! You’re so oblivious to the Angels trying to kill you! Haha!” Then her face went pink and she mumbled, “I was just too excited… since I get to see you, Beelzebub”. His eyes widened slightly and he felt his own cheeks go pink.

“Oh… well, I’m happy you’re here~! Let’s go out~!”

“Yeah~. I’d like that~”.

Beelzebub then glared at the four Devils who had all been spying on the two this whole time. Bael pushed all of their heads down and he ducked. “Do you think His Majesty saw us?!” “What do you think, idiot…?!!!”, Bael scolded Stolas before sighing. “We’re all idiots”.

END

Hope you liked it~! 🩷🩷🩷

[morg-among-the-stars]

me being emotional about him under the cut… ❤️‍🩹

I made this edit because I’ve been looping the hell out of the song in it, “Free Treasure” by Adrienne Lenker, and this scene has held a special place in my heart since I first saw The Politician when it premiered in 2019. By then, I’d had my formal diagnosis “under my belt” (so to speak) for about three years. So, it wasn’t exactly new but I wasn’t where I am now, eight years later, with full-blown acceptance of myself and even loud pride about it. Hell, by the time The Politician came out, I was dealing with the whole NEW crisis of finding out that I was queer (ironically and maybe aptly, thank you Ben Platt and Laura Dreyfuss, respectively). Hearing that very small phrase, “Maybe I’m just wired differently,” shot off the alarm bells in my head, the “he’s like me” bells.

And, yeah, Payton is like me at that age. 17-18 year old Payton was very similar, if not identical to, 15 year old Morgan. We aren’t as similar now, but he represents who I was back then.

For as much as Ryan Murphy fucks up his autism rep, he knocked it out of the park with Payton, without even knowing.

I am not, nor have I ever, tried to push this headcanon onto other people. To ME, it makes sense and brings a lot of security.

Him being on the spectrum actually would not change his story at all, it can still go on the same trajectory, for seasons 1 and 2, actually.

He wants a sense of belonging and has a “quest for power and validation.” Validation that he learns he can get. He gets it— and unconditional love— from his mom. He’s at odds with them a lot but his team and Alice do have his back and do care about him like a family. River (gone too soon, rip) can be seen as helping Payton to not only let himself feel but could be seen as an allegory for unmasking.

This is going to sound… maybe counterintuitive… but it shows that autistic people can be assholes. Not BECAUSE they’re on the spectrum, not as an excuse or “get out of jail free” card. Autistic people have the full potential to be jerks like anybody else. Payton is a big ass sometimes, but at least he learns his lesson(s) in the end and finds ways to make amends.

It is funny, I think, how him being autistic shows up in the way I write him. Since 2020 (when all the fics I wrote were… God awful *shudders*), when I started writing The Politician fics, my interpretation of Payton was very cold, for lack of a better word. I gave him no sympathy and so he gave himself none in-fic-universe. He was very strained, almost robotic, and extremely literal and logical. But over time, he’s loosened up and gained more of a heart and a softer center. He’s still true to character, still driven to a fault and has his asshole moments, but less one-note and sterile. If we known I’ve seen myself in him this whole time, then maybe we can see the way I write him as me learning to give myself more sympathy and let myself loosen up and be more in tune with my emotions rather than logic my way out of them. Isn’t that nice?

I don’t know what this is, but he means a lot to me, guys :(

[danggirlronpa]

"Gundham’s two theoretical moms?" Tell me more 👀

I absolutely will!!

Brief meta time: one thing that I always get really up in arms about with media that revolves around teens is the assumption that all of their parents are, behind the scenes, M/F biological parents. It's a really nefarious form of ingrained homophobia that convinces the audience that if there was a single parent, or gay parents, or adopted parents - well, surely they'd point it out somehow! After all, that's not The Norm. If you aren't explicitly told otherwise, always assume The Norm. It's not any individual audience member's fault; it's the same built in assumption of media that argues everyone is cishet until proven otherwise, and talks about adding characters "just to seem woke." It's subconscious and implicit.

As a gay person who has always wanted to adopt children, that obviously grinds my gears. So I go out of my way to headcanon a character's parents in all sorts of different configurations.

Actual headcanon time: For me, Gundham's mom always read to me as a single mother struggling to raise an autistic child on her own, without knowing how to accommodate his needs. I tend to think of Gundham's mom as the Most Normal Person Of All Time. Firstly, because it's funny. But secondly, because the arc of "Mom doesn't understand her child in any way but loves them so much that it ultimately changes her life so that she can support them" is one of my favorites. I tear up a little just thinking about it.

So in my head, Gundham gets his diagnosis, and his Mom is like alright. I can do this. Let's find a support group to learn about how I can be good to this child. And she goes to this support group and IMMEDIATELY meets just the most gothic magic lady she's ever seen. Just an absolute banger of a woman. Big titty goth gf. Who, Gundham's mom learns quickly, is one of the leads of the support group, who helps parents understand their children based on Her Own experience with autism!

From there in my head it's a very straightforward "this hot woman is teaching my kid how to recite magic incantations and telling him he doesn't like my cooking because it's destructive poison but it will make his body better at resisting greater poisons later. Oh God I'm in love with her" story, paired with goth gf's "oh I fucking LOVE this lady's psuedo-goth child, and it's so sweet how hard she's trying so that her child can bloom happily like this, and her food may be poisonous but she is so lovely, I wonder how she feels about gomez addams pick up lines" story. Gundham never considers goth lady his actual mom but that's OK! She's happy as his Mentor In The Arcane Magicks, and his mom can be his Mentor In Owning Hamsters. And together they love each other and Gundham so much!! And his Mom gets to be VERY smug when he's the Ultimate Breeder instead of the Ultimate Dark Mage. Superior mentor privileges.

[laurafaritos]

Hello, Goodbye & Everything In-Between

At 28, shouldn't I have life figured out by now?

Instead, I’m Googling how to fold fitted sheets and wondering why my houseplants look like they’re staging a coup. Somewhere between the expectations of “adulting” and the reality of this, I’ve realized something important: none of us really know what we’re doing. And you know what? Maybe that's the beauty of it.

This year feels like a party where some guests are just arriving, others are finally heading home, and a few linger awkwardly in the doorway, unsure if they’re staying or leaving. It’s the perfect metaphor for my life right now: a little chaotic, a little bittersweet, but filled with possibilities I’m excited to share.

This is why I’ve decided to reflect on the year ahead, the things I’m welcoming into my life, the things I’m parting ways with, and the things I’m picking back up after years of letting go.

This post is for the AuDHD creative girlies who want 2025 to be the year they pursue their creative career goals while managing their neurodivergence in practical and sustainable ways.

Hello, AuDHD.

Six months ago, I received the late-diagnosis label that explains everything while raising even more questions.

Suddenly, all the years of self-doubt and confusion make sense, you know? I’m still getting to know this side of myself, but for now, we’re on speaking terms. I’m trying to show myself grace, but it’s hard.

It’s the friend who shows up unannounced, dumps a bag of emotional luggage on your doorstep, and says, “Hey, girl! Remember me? You’ve known me forever, but here’s my real name.”

And the kicker? Everyone around me kind of knew I was “different.” What do you mean, I showed signs of autism throughout childhood, and NO ONE thought to get me assessed? What do you mean, you had suspicions I was on the spectrum but assumed I knew about it?

Hello, Harvard.

If you told younger me that “Harvard” and “my life” would ever collide, I’d have laughed so hard I’d spill my coffee. Growing up in Brazil, Harvard was untouchable—a name whispered like it belonged to a mythical land where smart people in blazers made impossible decisions.

And yet, here I am, climbing Mount Digital Marketing Strategy. Every module takes me thrice as long because English isn’t my first language and my brain LOVES detours. But guess what? I’m climbing anyway. Slowly, steadily, and determined to prove to myself that this immigrant, neurodivergent girl belongs here.

The best part? I finally have a blog to share this journey. If you’ve ever wanted to see how an AuDHD girl turns Harvard lessons into creative wins, stay tuned.

Hello, Manuscripts.

Over the holidays, I wrote my first book. ME! A writer! Who knew?

It’s a gothic horror anthology, packed with eight stories that poured out of me like a long-forgotten floodgate opening. It reminded me of how much I love storytelling—and it ignited something unstoppable.

That’s why I’m naming 2025 “The Year of Manuscripts.” These stories, from fiction to non-fiction, have been waiting patiently in my head, and now, they’re coming to life.

Goodbye, Day Jobs.

They’ve served their purpose. They’ve kept the lights on. They’ve taught me resilience. But it’s time to let go.

I’m finally making the leap to freelancing full-time. It’s terrifying and thrilling—like standing at the edge of a cliff with wings you’re not sure will work. Will I fly or fall? Maybe both, but I’m ready to find out.

Goodbye, Imposter Syndrome.

Okay, maybe this isn’t a “goodbye” so much as a “see you less often.” Imposter syndrome is like that ex who won’t stop texting, always hoping I’ll second-guess myself. But I’m done letting it dictate my choices.

This past decade taught me that I don’t fit neatly into any box, and that’s okay. I am who I am. I talk about what I love. I follow paths that feel authentic, not prescribed. And knowing that? It’s enough to quiet those doubts when they start creeping in.

Hi, Works-In-Progress.

Hiiii podcast, miss you!!! You’ve been sitting patiently in my “to-do” pile, waiting for me to stop overthinking every little detail. I know we’ll get back on track soon, and when we do, I promise to bring the kind of energy that makes people laugh, cry, and hit replay.

Hiii live shows, miss you too!!! Booking you was easy; selling tickets has been a whole different beast. Marketing feels like an alien language I used to know but have somehow forgotten. But I’m not giving up on you—I just need to find the right approach, the right audience, the right way to say, “you don’t want to miss this.”

Life, as I’m learning, is less like a party and more like a play. Some characters are written into your story forever, while others exit stage left, their roles complete. The set changes, the lights dim, and new acts begin before you’ve had a chance to catch your breath.

But that’s the beauty of it—each scene, each soliloquy, each stumble across the stage adds something to the story. This year, I’m not worried about perfect performances. I’m just trying to embrace the role I’m playing, make my lines count, and trust that the best scenes are still ahead.

Here’s to the hellos, the goodbyes, and everything in between.

What are you saying hello or goodbye to this year?