#let me just click off
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It’s so annoying to listen to a video about a certain topic (especially if it has to do with Japan specifically) and the commentator (they’re always fucking white) would say some stupid shit like “just for reference, murder is considered a bad thing over in Japan 😳-“ like no shit???
#it’s so annoying like they talk about Asian counties like they’re some mystical land; as if the people who live there aren’t real like#let me just click off#it was a video about that lady who used to harass her neighbors and became a meme back in the early 00’s#her neighbors said that she’d call them many times and not even say anthing#and the narrator said ‘ doing this is considered a threat in Japan 😳-‘#and again no shit… that would be considered an uncomfortable experience anywhere for anyone are you stupid#most people would feel weirded out/ harassed if some random continued to repeatedly call their phone 100 times in one day just to fuck with#them#rambling#it’s the racism/ orientalism
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hey do you guys want some references. Because brother I have some fucking references for you.
#You have no IDEA how many times I clicked through the comics.#if I were a worse off person it might’ve driven me insane but luckily I have adhd so this has just been like a type of therapy to me#tf2#tf2 reference#Long post#Engie is the only one here with references pulled from multiple comics because of how little he pops up in the official series#And he is also the one whose canon art I purposefully ignore the most#he’s like 5’4” in my heart. Forever.#that blank head turn on the 3d model refs was just pulled from an article so. Let me know if I accidentally stole from someone or smth
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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I think Aventio and Screwtio shippers shouldn't fight. After all, Ratio has two hands!
That's right. Two hands.
One for his chalk.
One for his codex.
Both of which he's holding in an embarrassed death grip as they chat away with each other about him.
#I'm on to something here#screwtio#aventio#hsr aventurine#veritas ratio#dr ratio#screwllum#hsr#honkai star rail#now as a disclaimer I'm not personally a huge fan of aventio#exclusively because i think they are so SO much funnier as gay friends#but something about combining the two clicks really well to me#Aventurine and Screwllum would be pretty fantastic metamours i think#they'd have a lot of fun playing off each other#but also Screwllum being there to dispute Aventurine's doubts over whether or not Ratio cares as a verified outside perspective#listing off shit like upticks in heartrate pupil dialation etc on top of being like#he talks about you fondly he knows your favorite things i can personally attest that you are very evidently important to him#stuff Aventurine can't easily write off when coming from not only an outside perspective but also a literal Genius#and on the flip side Aventurine would finally have someone other than Ratio and the Trailblazer he can talk to with relative ease#someone who has also been through a frankly incredibly traumatizing historical event#someone who is also under constant pressure to perform a certain way#someone who has gained wealth and power at the cost of carrying responsibilities on his shoulders and never being truly free#appearing free to anyone who glances but neither of them really are#Screwllum seemingly able to freely pursue whatever research he wants but ultimately permanently shackled with his titles#and public pressure to be the perfect poised representative for all of inorganic kind#forever treading the line of being both a desirable ally and a sufficient threat that you wouldn't want to cross him#and similarly Aventurine stuck in his cycle that he feels only death can free him from of gambling with his life on the line#because the IPC basically owns him#because let's be honest Jade's offer was just a lifetime labor contract he couldn't refuse#granted the illusion of freedom through gaining money and power but never truly free
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burning all apps everywhere on principal, i got a new phone recently and had to uninstall about 26 apps, at which point the prompt to finish device setup wouldnt leave until i opened it up again at which point it downloaded another 3 apps i immediately uninstalled, and despite all that it didnt come with any kind of notes app, so i go hunting for one but even thats difficult because WHY do half these apps need that many permissions. what does a notes app want with my financial information and whys it sharing it with third parties 🤨
#uhm not to rant but it took me nearly 3 hours to set up this phone bc of this type of thing#along with having to go find and change every google setting so that its doing minimal tracking...#l#shark talks#it opened the phone company app thing to make me finish settign up (literally just a page to download sponsored apps)#and it wouldnt let me off the page so i unchecked every app and clicked continue#and it was STILL like 'oh haha oops you seem to have unchecked the apps. not to worry well auto download 3 other sponsored ones for you ok?#-you dont get a choice btw 🥰'
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It's so fucking funny to me that Gale comes off like the Horny Wizard™️ but the moment you act like a goblin at all with any of the sextracurricular opportunities he's like "I don't like this :("
His reality seems more: "Horny for sex? I'm horny for love! Horny for companionship! Horny to cook for you a sumptuous meal, sit beside the hearth, and share with you my deepest feelings of admiration and passion! Horny for the comingling of two souls intertwined like lace upon the planes beyond mortal understanding! Yes, sometimes I'm also I'm horny for sex! But that is merely one single facet of my depth of character!"
#every time i see a video with his “i dont like this” reactions (bc i cant stand to do them) all i can think is “youre so real for this”#i did accidentally talk to the drow twins bc i thought you had to “order” them at the front desk and it'd just be off the clock chatting.#gale wansnt into it and halsin (WHO I TURNED DOWN >:( ) jumped in like “ill have that sex if youre not gonna finish it”#and then gale reluctantly was like “no ill sit in the cuck chair if you want honey.”#the only things id said were “NO HALSIN!” and “surprised youre not into this gale” which i thought was a question not a proposition#I was so upset by how sad Gale was when they finally let me out of the conversation i couldn't click nevermind fast enough lol#baldur's gate 3#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios#bg3#just yapping
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on a quest to find more than 2 good scogan fics... so far unsuccessfully
#don't get me wrong i would never slag off anyone's fic#it's free art people you gotta be respectful#but if it's not for you then you click the that little X or <- button and move on#and let me tell you i have been clicking...#it's just... the characterisation is not there a lot of them seem to have the exact same overly specific premise/trope/nicknames#i never heard them use before#(and there are A Lot of canon nicknames as it is like for a grumpy old man logan loves his petnames lmao)#and i'm starting to feel like people have no idea who scott summers is in general#their dynamic is fucking legendary and no one is implementing it into their fics and i don't know why#but istg if i gotta write it myself!!#ramblings#scogan
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it’s so funny to me when people make posts that are like i hate it when fandom mischaracterizes my favorite blorbo/fandom needs to stop reading the story this way/fandom reduces my blorbo to xyz trait when they actually contain multitudes bc they clearly have things they like and care about re: the topic but instead of simply sharing their thoughts they have to preface their joy with this kicking at the table leg bit that emphasizes how correct their opinion is and how everyone else is Lame and also Wrong like mein gotte it’s barbie dolls on some 35 year old who works in software engineering’s macbook you have contributed nothing to society by telling jessica from ohio software engineer to deepen their understanding of sakusa kiyoomi haikyuu. ‘fandom always ignores/forgets that’ ok and? your problem is? ? ? maybe people are happy writing chilfuck as a babygirl or marcille as something other than a girlfailure in which case good for them!! it sparks joy yahhhh!!! i’ve blocked enough people on twitter to mostly be at peace these days but tumblr is Not Safe everywhere i go on my dash there are these weirdos who think everyone else is doing fandom wrong. you silly man. you absolute buffoon. you mysterious moralist
like listen i am the most literaturepilled mf out here so i think i’m entitled to yap about this i like my characters fucked up and bizarre and quadruple-faced and so only read very particular fics but maine gotte i will not complain about it publicly because that’s my business! other people are here for other things. escapism. joy. Oviposition. and that’s great because life’s boring when it’s just you and 10 other guys like you. i’m telling you morally outraged random 18 y/o the oviposition guy is the key to the universe and i’m Old and Tired now so every time someone puts that ‘marcille is more than a genius and people need to stop writing her like awooga booga whatever the fuck’ shit on my dash they’re catching that block like a fist flying out of a can of tuna oh yeah i’m closing my eyes i do not see your dumb ahh shit i go to bed
#fr…. let people live….. there is no right or wrong way to engage with stories we’re literally just hanging out….#worst part is when i click on op’s blog and they’re like 26#please please go and cook some vegetables you will be happier#as for me i’m hard at work massaging that block button like a flaccid cock#i Will make tumblr a place that doesn’t raise my blood pressure (determined)#man like fr what is the point of trying to change how people hang out in fandom#just find people u like and hang out with them#mayne goat i usually disagree with the most popular characterizations of my homies but so what you know#does it matter? no? will i think about it? no! i will go find things i like#and if i can’t find them i’ll write em myself#or draw em. or fuck em. whatever#it’s just so silly to me to waste energy being a hater on randos when you could be having fun#that’s how i try to live anyway. look at pretty face and have fun#no one is wrong in fandom. some may be stupid. but they’re not wrong! what do you know. you’re just a guy#we’re all just little guys#so live ur best life fr my guys spend time on the things u love not the shit that pisses u off#like me. i’m going to go look at pics of bailu now
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I HATE when fanfic writers villainize certain characters so they can make their fic more angsty, or so they can have a canon couple break up to do their ship.
like some teen wolf writers got me defending Scott and I don't even particularly like Scott.
THERES SO MANY OTHER WAYS YOU CAN GO ABOUT ITTTT!!!!
If you want conflict between characters you can DO THAT without having to make one the devil.
Also there's many ways to get your ship going even if a character is in a canon relationship without making their partner like abusive or toxic or whatever. YOU COULD EVEN MAKE IT SO THEY WERE NEVER DATINGGGG!!! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE LITERALLY ENDLESSSSS!!!!!!
#fanfiction#fanfic#fanfic writing#fanfic writers#teen wolf#scott mccall#like its an instant ick#has me immediately clicking off#its so irritating when it sounds like a good plot#then i click and you got them acting all ooc#JUST TO GIVE YOUR BLORBO ANGST#like i love stiles like any other girl#but hes got enough angst WITHOUT YOU HAVING THE PACK KICK HIM TO THE CURB#i just dont think theyyyy wouldddd#i love when the pack is tight knitttt#like an ultra form of found family#i also just love Scott and Stiles stupid dude bro relationship#its cuteeee#WHY WONT YOU JUST LET THEM BE BEST BUDSSS#rant post#rant that doesn't actually matter but has been on the mind as of late
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do not bring those photos here i beg you all for once
#im not worrying about the people i follow#you guys are pretty sensible#but i have a habit of clicking on that goddamn for you tab#just without thinking and sometimes stupid posts pops up#like shit with zero notes#i wish tumblr would let me turn that feature off#i cant go anywhere else
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adam catboy at sawvhs today
#guy. guys listen.#just let me explain myself i *takes off running and gets shot dead*#saw 2004#adam faulkner stanheight#adam stanheight#adam faulkner#my art#click
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I have had it with these motherfucking spam bots on this motherfucking site.
#personal#tumblr stuff#vent post#spam bots#i've been getting like 1000 spam bot followers a day for the last few days and blocking them all is getting--dare i say--TEDIOUS#wake up. block 300 bots. go to work. come home and block 500 more bots. spend evening checking tumblr to block bots. it's becoming a chore#it's starting to feel like I offended the tumblr gods or something. this is ridiculous. but like hell will i let them win#i won't let my follower count be 50% bots. i feel like a deserve a tumblr badge or something for fending off so many bots.#tribble#the trouble with tribbles#a very apt metaphor i think for these bloody spam bots; block one and five more come to take its place#but upside: the spam bots are helping me compile a Rosetta Stone for the word 'Untitled'. woo#also if you just joined tumblr and want to follow me: for the love of god personalise your bloody blog#i don't care if you have a icon or a summary. if your blog and likes are empty i'm blocking you#because i don't trust empty blogs and i really don't have the time to sort out who's real or not right now#(though if the blog's offering free mp3s 'just click the link!' or is advertising US keto gold coast gummies i know for sure it ain't real)#but hey! good news to people who followed me in the last four days who haven't been blocked; you passed the blog captcha test#anyway just had to get this frustration out of my system; gonna go block some more bots now i guess. i'll be very happy when this stops
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on the real, im trying to throw myself back into the IF/writing space because it really was the singular thing that had helped me heal the first time around.
im playing with the idea of another IF, and really just taking my time with it and letting myself not be so pressured by forcing myself to update or churn out chapter a ton - that’s where a lot of my angst came from with FTMB and when TMITAWH was an IF
also! I’ve been absent from the space long enough that im not sure im reading everything from my friends or if there’s been some really good stuff coming out lately.
If you have any recs, I’d love to read them!
#idk idk just thoughts#I get a lot of anxiety about traditionally publishing TMITAWH because it’s such a#it’s such a book#publishing is hell and that’s even if I get an agent and even then the book still may not EVER be published#so like what do I do with the story then#do I come back to IF with it and just make it literally you click through the story because it’s not gonna change#or do I self pub#OR do I just throw it up somewhere online#I care about this story SO much it’s like a piece of me#so idk#but also coming back to creating IF is different too because I’m scared about immediate feedback like that and what if people don’t like it#yada yada yada#but it may be like a fun thing for me to get my mind off things#momma (me) (derogatory) cannot go back to therapy#anyway#let me know some recs please love you bunches ♥️♥️♥️#twine#IF#interactive fiction
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#shedinja#now THIS is what i'm talkin' about! i love shedinja. i think it's a very unique pokémon and wonder guard is very *cool* if only it were ever#y'know. relevant. this thing is weak to way too many types for it to be relevant but like it's still cool in concept i think#you kinda can't tell what it is from this angle but that's why you have me here to tag it so you do know what it is#so. bit of a life update for you all. i accidentally deleted some semi-important files i needed for work. like two weeks ago#and i didn't realize i did‚ bc they were inside a folder that i deleted. but i didn't need the files at the time and i hadn't for months#i hadn't used those files since like last year. but now i need them again and i just realized that i deleted them two weeks ago#by accident? and now i need them again. to be able to do my work. so i'm actually queueing this guy and the next guy up#while i'm supposed to be working. as i've just sent an email to my boss being like Haha Hey. Do you Have a Backup of tHese Files……… PLease#and i'm hoping DESPERATELY that she does. if she doesn't i'll have to fucking reverse engineer them which i am not excited for#if it comes to fruition. so i'm just hoping she has a copy of them. feelin like shedinja against a fire-type rn fr i swear#i'll let you all know what she says when i get her response. if i get it before i'm done queuing up shedinja and whismur#spoilers. whismur is next but you could just look up the natdex numbers. and know that whismur is next#also don't tell me to look in the trash. on my computer. i know they're not there. for one i checked and for two they couldn't be there#because i rm -r'd the folder. i didn't just right-click delete that shit. i killed that shit. it's GONE#you might be asking me… why would you do that! and i would say? i did not know these files were in there#you didn't ask for all this information so i'm cutting it off here
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Went to the Collision taping tonight and on our way out, almost fucking walked into the elevator containing none fucking other than Roderick Strong, Mike Bennett and Matt Taven without meaning to. Totally didn’t even realize it until they’d gathered their suitcases and walked into the parking garbage.
They were super nice btw when I apologized for assuming the elevator would be empty when it opened.
#that was wild#I also randomly almost ran into the Hardy’s at another show a couple of years ago#I am very shy though just very socially anxious and I also hate parasocial shit nowadays with celebrities#so I tend to just be polite and let them go about their business#they’re off the clock as far as I’m concerned#I don’t wanna seem douchy or rude and I’m too terrified of talking to people anyway#so yeah that was wild it took me about 5 seconds between apologizing and seeing the suitcases for it to click who they were#aew#all elite wrestling#aew collision#roderick strong#mike bennett#matt taven
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quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.
totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.
#fun fact sometimes condensing meds just means poorer treatment of some conditions#this is a re-expansion + new thing#so that instead of poorly treating my mental health and using an unusually high dose SNRI for another (physical) condition#i will hopefully both be in less pain AND not depressed af AND also have an appetite again#i doubt i will be lucky and not have a fucked stomach due to meds but one can hope that an appetite will allow me to eat foods that upset#my stomach a lot less#my health is forever a massive balancing act#every time a medical thing is like 'so what meds do u take' i'm like here i wrote it down for u#and they're like 'oh. ooookay. let me just...' *five minutes of typing and clicking later*#'so! what did you come in for again? uhuh. you said you experience pain daily? with your chronic pain thing? hm. have you tried yoga?'#/gen#like. straight up every time i say 'i am in pain all the time due to fibromyalgia' they are like 'ooh studies say regular exercise helps'#and like. theoretically yes! but also. i would be lying if i said the fibromyalgia studies i've skimmed don't set off general 'bad science'#alarm bells in my brain#like... cool you performed a fibromyalgia study with... all male lab rats? mhmm? so are you aware fibromyalgia appears to occur#overwhelmingly in women? like. data seems to suggest between 70-85%?#(not that the data can't still indicate things but it certainly makes male rats a poor choice of model for tests on it)#also just... idk i've looked at some metaanalysis and been like 'okay cool theory and for all i know about human bio or bio in general that#sounds more or less correct BUT. you never discussed that one study on this subject that did NOT support your conclusion.#and that's 1) interesting when it was the most diverse group of subjects and the exceptions often teach just as much as the 'rule'#2) just shitty science. tell me how your theory is still credible when some evidence doesn't fit the model.#like... 'given that all other studies were primarily conducted on white american women in their 30s to 40s it is possible that this model#only explains (the early effects of fibro since that's a typical onset period) / (a possible genetic link primarily found in white women) /#(a possible sign of bias in diagnosis that demonstrates the possibility that there are different causes) / combinations of all of those#like... idk a paper that just throws out things that don't support it is a pretty big red flag#it doesn't mean the conclusion is entirely incorrect but it is often important to understand the context in which it applies#like... it's very easy to jump to an incorrect conclusion if you used something in the wrong context#ie: thumbs up is a good job / positive thing in a lot of western civilizations. teenage kee once went to china and discovered it to be#neutral to offensive in many areas outside of major tourist locations that were used to it#anyways i gotta sleep
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