#let me go on and event tag this stuff
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Brecaea
"The sea..." The prince murmured to himself as he stared out at the expanse of the ocean. His mother would have found the sight beautiful. Waves lapped at the shore only inches away from his feet. If he took another step he could even...
"Wow, it sure goes out pretty far!" Eilidh's voice shattered the momentary peace that had fallen over him. The other gentry stood several paces away chatting among each other. In the midst of them stood Tara, as she usually did. Eilidh and Iomhar chattered amongst themselves, tripping and talking over each other in the midst of their excitement. Aodh did not speak from his spot beside them, yet his gaze never strayed far from Eilidh.
Standing alone, Camhlaidh's gaze trailed inland to rest briefly on his father and Seòras deep in discussion. Guards surrounded the king, alert for any danger. They hid it well in view of the denizens from the other lands, but the prince could sense their discomfort in a land other than their own. His father was harder to read, and Seòras near impossible. He could only hope things went smoothly, or that he at the least would make his father proud.
For the second time in only a minute, Eilidh's voice broke through his thoughts as the woman pointed at figures further down the beach.
"Look! A baby!"
#{Aur Drabble#{Eilidh Drabble#{Aodh Drabble#{Iomhar Drabble#{Tara Drabble#{Royal AU#{Festival of the Blue Moon}#let me go on and event tag this stuff#this is before Aur really makes any friends with the gentry so he's a lonely boy :(#also the Seelie aren't really helping the baby thief allegations#someone please keep Eilidh away from Kyrie
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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My best friend and I moved in together with his closest friend from his MA program, and while I had met her before (the friend; my bff is a man), we hadn't spent much time together because I've never lived away from the West Coast (and only two years out of the PNW) and she's never lived outside of North Carolina and only briefly visited the PNW once, when she went to Portland last year.
It's been a delight to show her around the PNW and realize we need to explain things that are just sort of omnipresent in our lives. The bff and I were casually griping with each other about having to run an errand to Trader Joe's at an inconvenient hour, and were telling her, "it's okay, you can stay in the car and avoid the people if you want" and she was like "NO I MUST SEE IT, I'VE ONLY HEARD OF THEM" and nearly ascended to another plane when we showed her around the store.
The bff and I grew up in the same town in NW Washington (him for his first 18 years, me from 9 to 19) and he lived in Bellingham and Seattle for years before he went to NC for grad school (I went to the SF Bay Area for mine, a very different experience). Both of them are hardcore coffee aficionados, but he struggled with the different Coffee Ways of the South, so for the true PNW experience they want to tour various indie coffeeshops next.
Also, she adores Kaidan in Mass Effect and we were like, oh, is your passport up to date? We could take a trip sometime and show you your boyfriend's beloved English Bay. It's very beautiful :)
her: O_O
me: Actually, it's worth going to Vancouver BC for its own sake as well, it's truly spectacular. We used to go all the time as kids.
bff: And Victoria!
her: O_O
#as much as i very openly love my homeland (read: the pnw. sometimes the whole west coast) at all times#it is truly special to experience it through someone who's never lived anywhere remotely near here. she's never seen vegas or seattle or la#we were super hungry after moving stuff yesterday and the bff was like 'i'm not sure i have a real restaurant in me...#let's just pick up some stuff from jack in the box'#her: 'what's a jack in the box?'#even the department store chains we're used to are different#also she's queer and was concerned about having queer friendly dating options out here and we're like '...oh sweetie'#and since she's from eastern nc we were also explaining that the pacific ocean up here is not like the atlantic#her: 'what are your hurricanes like?' us: '... we um. don't really have them'#then we were like... i mean rainier's lahars are going to melt seattle someday but these are infrequent events#and there will be seismic warnings. even mt st helens gave some warning!#i think the only disappointment for her so far was our building codes (she's very into proper infrastructure)#the roads are nice but our buildings are not designed for combating nature by her standards#it's interesting because we're so unused to the idea of nature as generally something to combat#in fairness someone from say astoria might think about that differently or in very rural areas. but in the parts we're familiar with#usually 'natural' dangers are 'poorly timed human fuckery' and things like rain generally come as friends#like yeah don't go antagonizing a bear or cougar or moose or whatnot but you'd really have to go out of your way#anghraine babbles#cascadia blogging#the adventures of space redacted#anghraine's gaming#us american blogging#i should probably have a bff tag#long post
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maybe life is best lived one step at a time.
and maybe sometimes difficult things are worth pursuing.
and maybe certain scars are worth overcoming.
#askbensolo#art#ben solo#story event: an awkward situation 2#i kinda miss classic ben tbh#he was so baby. he was OUR baby#kylo ren#every now and then I throw ben’s stuff in the kylo tag just to see if anyone new finds the blog lol#even though he’s not kylo at all and at this point I don’t even know if he’s Ben Solo the way others see him#but he’s. you know. our ben solo.#i honestly think the ask ben solo lore has reached a point of critical depth that you...cannot really get into this blog unless#you go back and read it all and get to know him...lol#i'm glad i came back. after all this time. haha.#don't let me ever end this blog. if i disappear just drag me back lol#seriously this blog is something special. ben feels...so real to me
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casey also talks about sepang 2015 what do you think of that
oh in that podcast? uh... lemme listen again...
yeah idk it's not really anything new I'd say? he's said basically all the same stuff in more interesting and extensive ways elsewhere. I think casey inevitably has a very 'well feuding is bad and helps nobody' point of view, has expressed that before in the past, does it here again, and he's also drawn a parallel between himself and marc on several occasions. which... well, of course there's similarities in terms of public discourse or whatever, but the parallel really falls apart whenever casey argues the feuds cost valentino. like, I do think it's sometimes important to just. keep in mind. it's interesting that casey draws this comparison in his mind but that doesn't necessarily means he's right about this. I'm not sure how you'd argue that starting a feud with casey cost valentino anything competitively? you can argue it didn't help him I guess, and then we can have a debate about the ins and outs of the 2008 season. we can also have an argument that in a hypothetical world where casey isn't ill in 2009, valentino doesn't break his leg and casey isn't on a piece of junk in 2010, and valentino isn't on a piece of junk in 2011-12, then actually maybe valentino sparking open animosity with casey COULD have cost him. but we don't know that! didn't happen! I wish we could have found out, but we never got the chance! as it stands, the tally on this is pretty straightforward: casey won the title when things were reasonably civil between them in 2007, and valentino took control of the following season at the exact moment he worsened the relationship between the pair of them in 2008. obviously, it's all more complicated than that and casey would of course argue laguna didn't negatively affect his subsequent performances... but it certainly didn't help them. like, at the very worst valentino escalating tensions in 2008 is a complete net neutral. after 2009, them being bitchy to each other every other tuesday was completely competitively irrelevant beyond maybe affecting how they approached occasionally fighting for a podium position. hey, maybe casey used that feud to fire himself up through sheer spite throughout the later stages of his career, but that doesn't actually support his anti-feud stance - it's basically the exact same thing as what valentino does. they're both quite similar in that regard! always so hungry to prove a point, to show how someone else is wrong. kinda half the point with this feuding business is to get yourself going, get yourself motivated, yeah. he straight up openly admits to using yamaha's repeat rejection of him as a way of giving himself motivation, and at the end of the day that's really not all that different?
anyway, what else does casey say... oh yeah, that him and the other aliens were already kinda prepared for this and had learned vale's tricks. that valentino had only been able to get into the minds of the previous generation. welllllll *wiggles hand* sure, I mean, he did clearly have to change his approach... he couldn't just use the exact same playbook to get to them, either on-track or off-track. but that's why he did change up the playbook... again, whether you want to believe valentino won his final two titles 'in the head' rather than just through pure pace kinda depends on how you assess the evidence, but it is at the very least a debate. and, y'know, it's always worth remembering that valentino's most important mind games with casey didn't happen in a press conference... it was on the track. and the on-track stuff really is just embedded in how valentino approaches winning. speaking of aliens, this is what dani and jorge have said:
like, valentino's entire approach to his riding, even to the way he's setting his bike up, is deliberately about directly fucking with you... he's not actually always trying to be faster than you as much as he's trying to give himself the tools to make your life miserable, to pressure you into mistakes, etc etc... and again, especially with casey (if anything because he was so mentally sturdy), the off-track stuff was really just window dressing. (I know they bicker a lot after 2009 but it's just so fundamentally irrelevant to actual on-track competition.) so you can be aware of those tricks, but it also doesn't necessarily help you when someone's being nasty to you on-track in a way you just fully do not enjoy. which is what it was like for casey! for casey, a lot of this comes back to the truly unpleasant context of how he was perceived by the public, how he was treated as mentally weak or 'broken' or whatever partly because he had the misfortune of coming up against a bloke who had the reputation for breaking rivals. I think it's quite natural to end up with a bit of a hardliner 'actually I've never been mentally affected by a result in my life' stance - and of course casey is a lot tougher than a lot of people give him credit for. that being said. sometimes your rivals affect you, shit happens, it's part of the game. it's fundamentally a nice idea to think that valentino's tactics weren't just morally wrong but also ineffective, which is kind of the appeal of this narrative, right? you want to believe you're above that, you want to believe you were adequately prepared and wise to valentino's tactic. it's unsurprising and understandable that casey does tend to tell the story that way, but again it's *wiggles hand* also hard to describe it as completely factual
uh. what else. oh I'm thrilled casey does canonically know valentino and marc were friends, he has said he wasn't following motogp too much during that time period so you couldn't be sure of that. does this mean anything? does it tell you anything? well, no, but it's just a pleasing thought to me. I like that. oh also 'provoking particularly aggressive riders isn't a good idea' is kinda a funny take from casey? like, he of all people would hate the idea of being cowed by someone's reputation like that... casey's right that provoking fast riders can potentially be dangerous, but y'know I do think that's probably not news to anyone almost nine years later. um. that's all I've got I think
#i will say idm getting asks like this AT ALL but i do hope that's not like. the only bit of the podcast people are paying attention to#my thing with sepang 2015 takes is that like... when's the last time anyone has said anything genuinely interesting about that event#which yes big words from the feud blogger... but in fairness a lot of the sepang 2015 stuff is from old notes. that's my excuse idc#but that's kinda the thing... i feel like i haven't really had a new original thought about the whole drama for three plus years#u do kinda run out. basically the takes say more about the person saying them than about the actual event at this point#which. yeah. casey's comments on sepang '15 are primarily interesting in what they tell you about how he feels towards valentino#mind u he's actually quite nice about valentino in this one? casey call him let's finally organise that dinner#heretic tag#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#oh casey does go on another spiel against riders who win at all costs. ships that passed in the night of feuds i always say#also he gets the age he enters the premier class at wrong. i held myself back in the last post from pointing this out for tonal reasons#but if people want my podcast hot takes. i do simply have to mention it. just to set the record straight here#'they battle for podium places after 2009' genuinely. twice. like the alien era giveth but a lot of the time it really does just taketh#somewhat ironically casey wins the duel when he's on the shitty ducati and vale wins the duel when he's on the even shittier ducati#whatever that tells you idk#casey was always promising the laguna rematch would've gone differently and I love that conceptually but also we just don't know#he was like next time I WON'T play nice and it's like?? omg what does that look like. casey what were you cooking#for ethical reasons it's probably fine but for character arc reasons it's objectively ass that casey ended up being able to do all his -#- racing in a way he was entirely comfortable with for his second title in 2011. like it's just a complete waste of a year#you have this whole thing building for four years and then 2010 comes along and it's like. well that's enough narrative intrigue now! <3#also casey/jorge are fundamentally too interesting as individuals to have had such an obscenely boring on-track rivalry and yet here we are#it KILLS me because if you rearranged it and made valentino's dogshit ducati years like. 2009 or something#and do a straight title fight between jorge and casey THEN I genuinely think it would've been way more interesting#the problem with valentino is that he is fundamentally the WORST imaginable character you could invent to be casey's foil#literally everything about valentino could have been designed to be a casey-specific nightmare#but unfortunately that also makes him objectively the most interesting rival casey could have gotten#like morally it's on the edge. but narratively? literally could not have gotten a better villain in casey's story#constantly dancing on this faustian line of having to imitate valentino to beat him while trying not to lose yourself... juicy
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such is the tale of a ✨chronically online hypocrite✨
#(please forgive this old folk’s rambling for a hot min bc i need to get this off my chest somehow and in some way)#tl;dr: come and get into the hw idol series!!! we have ship discourse; more ship discourse; even more ship discourse#(yes ik people should be free to ship what they do b u t claiming a noncanon ship as canon and forcing it on everyone else is. not cool.)#yes yes friday’s mv was visually cute and ino.rin’s singing was peak b u t i feel like it has caused more harm than good in some way???#i cant b e l i e v e the jp hwtwt beef over friday’s mv is still going on mannnnnnnnn#no less than 3 separate people have made posts along the lines of#‘p l s stop using [official tags] to post about *[unnamed] non-official ships* p l s there’s a time and place for everything’#and n o n e of them even remotely run in the same circles yet they’re all banded together against a *certain* group lmfao never change hwtwt#lhy (esp yhy) shippers are always at the scene of the crime mannnnnnn#i cant see anything on their end of the naval battle (has every single lhy tag+account that i could think of blocked)#b u t it’s still really funny to witness on my twtdash against my will. i think i need to touch grass#‘kyhn isn’t canon either so why do you like it while being such a hater towards lhy—‘#great question!!!!!! it’s bc (disregarding the movie) they actually interact really well together~~~ like the honeypre event y k—#and also bc yukki treats hina really nicely all the time (even when she was being tsun and literally running from her feelings for him)#a n d hina loved him for who he truly was; even before his image change arc. and she also does her best to appeal to him and such~~~~~~~#but lhy. uh. they just bully hiyo 95% of the time and while they do look out for her bc they’re pals#they’re just pals. guys. and lxl have gone ‘uwu it must be u uwu’ to each other one too many times so shoehorning hiyo between them would.#be pretty weird ngl? esp since the ‘widely accepted’ portrayal of lhy as a trio is p much just hiyo x 2 dudes who dont even like each other#and. like. a branch of such portrayals usually seem to have aizo waft away from the ‘r/s triad’ to date mona instead which is. very weird.#some people just pick and choose aizo and mona interactions dont they. all they see is the umbrella scene and go ‘ah yes. canon’#they dont even read further to see how mona doesn’t even use the umbrella after aizo leaves (clear rejection)#a n d how aizo doesn’t even remember giving the umbrella to mona + mona’s entire existence in general after that#and that’s not even counting the grudge mona refuses to let go of even after what looks to be literal months#so for certain shippers to just casually shoo aizo out of the hiyoharem and into mona’s unwilling arms for the sake of yhy is. weird.#and like. shouldn’t he and yujiro have a say in this?? they’re more interested in each other than hiyo so just how are they being commonly#portrayed as hiyosimps in fanon? im so confused… like. wouldn’t they be equally obsessed with each other (as w/ hiyo) if they were a rstrio?#aaaaaa get this off my twtdash plsssssssss pls see this post twtapp pls let this affect your dumb algorithm im tired of the ship discourseee#as funny as the ‘lhy vs the world’ naval warfare is it’s getting. um. very annoying!!!! and now im missing nagisa more than ever s o b s#plsplsplsplsplsplsplsplspls influence the algorithm ragepost; ik big brother is 👀watching👀 so do your thing—#(pls feel free to duke it out with me too if y’all read this i need my birdsite algorithm to le a r n that i dont wanna see stuff like this)
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Ok so no one asked for the potential ramifications of Imogen taking off her circlet in this past episode in the Let Me sequel but I am thinking about it so y'all are gonna get it.
So let's say Otohan doesn't take the circlet from Imogen in the crevasse scene during the Solstice (you know, that hot moment where in response to Matt saying 'You want to attack her? You can't see her,' Imogen cooly says, "I don't have to see her.") So let's say Imogen keeps the circlet, and the bond is deadened for weeks.
Otohan, who had gotten used to having all these glimpses of Imogen at her fingertips whenever she liked, or even just the vague feeling of the warmth of Imogen's presence in the back of her mind, suddenly has that all snatched away. Searing heat becomes a dying ember, the faintest flutter imparting that Imogen is alive but nothing more; no more flitting thoughts, no more sharp conversations, no more dreams, even. And to Otohan's disgust, she misses it. But she has a job to do, and logically, she's better off without the distraction.
Maybe at most Otohan gets echoes of Imogen's feelings during her worst moments. The agony of a demon nearly biting Imogen in half. The horror at seeing Ashton shatter. The fear of losing Laudna for one long night. And even these faint echoes are maddening.
Then one day, Imogen removes the circlet. The tether between them, worn down to nothing but a frayed thread, suddenly surges with life. Heat races along to fill Otohan's mind until it hurts, weeks worth of thoughts and memories and experiences flashing behind her eyes too fast to process. Otohan has to grit her teeth and concentrate hard to even understand why amidst the sudden and overwhelming influx of information.
She hears Imogen say, "why would I take away a strength?"
And something cold and sharp and pleased surges from Otohan to Imogen then. From the moment they met, this is what Otohan has been urging Imogen to do. She slaughtered Imogen's friends before her eyes in order to push Imogen to embrace her gifts. For the entire existence of this mysterious connection between them, Otohan has had to watch Imogen stifle herself, stifle her strength. And it has pained Otohan because Imogen deserves more, she is more---if she would only seize it.
Hearing that soft question though a long-repressed bond now wide open between them is so satisfying. Almost as satisfying as that day in a blood-soaked street of Bassuras, watching Imogen rip apart an entire city block with her mind.
So Otohan does exactly what she did then. She smiles, and she says, with genuine and strangely gentle fervency, 'I am proud of you.'
Back then, all of Imogen's fury had curdled into fear that made her sick to her stomach.
Now, Otohan has the unique priviledge of feeling Imogen's reaction before she can repress it. Her pulse spikes at the sound of Otohan's voice in her mind after so long without it, and something that is decidedly not nausea squirms in her stomach. Otohan's pride flows freely through Imogen, and before Imogen can strangle it, something is reflected back to Otohan. Something almost shy, laced with shame and so faint but neverheless there. Imogen's own subtle sense of pride at Otohan's praise. And though Imogen immediately smothers the feeling, Otohan senses it all the same, and she certainly won't let Imogen forget it.
#maybe i should come up with an actual tag for when i do get deep into writing this thing#since it will definitly be a LONG process#noting all the little ways i can tweak events and interactions for the let me sequel is one of the funnest parts of watching new episodes#and this one obviously hit me like a truck when it happened#obviously thats taking what imogen says at face value#we'll see if her true reasons (and therefore otohan's repsonse) changes#but for now im just going feral over them ya know nothing new#otohan thull#cr3#let me series stuff
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sneepy cozy....
#cats#(medical stuff mention for tags)#poasting confortable image of boye for peace and serenity and such forthe#I have little weird episodes sometimes where I get shaky (but like violently like 'would spill a drink if you were holding it beacuse#your hands are moving so much' type shaky) and weird and sick feeling but usually it passes in an hour or less. but last night I just#literally couldnt sleep I was shaking so much and my heartrate was up a ton and wouldn't go down even after like 6 hours plus super nausea#so I went to the hospital and now shall wear a heart monitor for a week. which hopefully it's just some weird drastic low blood sugar#event or something and there's nothing actually going on. ekg + ct scan for blod clots + virus panel + almost all of the blood work seems#normal so... aa.......#Though me being so privacy focused hrggh... I basically have a constantly bluetooth connected device around me#since the monitor comes with a cell phone that is constantly transmitting data to the place. which they said they'll call you#if they see anything weird which is also scary. random phone calls... but definitely better than letting an issue go unadressed lol#the phone is also not meant to be more than 10 feet away from the monitor at any time so I put on this old tactical fishing#vest thing thats like navy green with 100 pockets and im just using one of the giant pocketson the side as a phone holder#my enormous silly vest just to keep one little phone#ANYWAY... because I got up early the morning before and didn't sleep at all and spent nearly all day in waiting rooms and such#I have been awake for like 32 hours striaght. which I'm sure also does not help with an elevated heartrate lol#feeling shrimp emotions or whatever people talk about unlocking at a certain level of stress and sleep deprivation#and also no food or water. after a while they brought me like 3 saltines and some ice water but I basically also haven't eaten since 3am#last night and it's 2pm now..#thus............ bapy............. baby boye....... he will help ease all ailments with his baby powers...#And no I dont drink energy drinks or anything with caffiene really I'm afraid of all substances on the planet essentially#My body just likes to become shaky and weird randomly even when I'm not conciously anxious about anything/have had no caffiene/etc#and I guess I'm always more nervous about getting anything heart related checked out because of my arm/shoulder/chest area injury stuff#... i literally have constant chest pain all the time. it moves around but i nearly always have some sort of pain or pressure in my chest#so when people are like 'oh well a little weird heartrate is fine but watch out if you have pain!' it's like... i always do lol.. how am I#supposed to tell the Bad Pain apart from the Always Pain when the descriptions of Bad Pain are very very similar#AAAANYway.... hrghh... i wanted to be very productive and finally post drafts and wrok on things today. but alas..#I can at least post small image of soft boye.. though he recently got into stuff in the bathroom whilst left#alone and knocked things into the toilet.. So perhaps not an innocent and NICE boy.. but still.. a soft one .. beautfile....
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Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime
#morningtalks#Ask to tag#<- I have no clue what I'd have to tag this tbh#But for the story.#Me and my friend (crush) are walking at two am after quite the night. I am fully sober but she's got a few drinks and is just tired now#Like we're walking in silence she's just done type of tired#(part of me worries I was too in love with her tonight but I will do my best to rationalize it as Her Being Tired and not my fault somehow)#But yeah we're walking there and we see/hear a bunch of guys that are clearly not on their first drink#They plan to go to the bar we were so I'm glad we left but they are full on far right singing slogans about getting the leftists out#We cross each other on the street and they immediately begin asking us if we're lefties but then they see my pins#And the fact that we're two girls walking alone and assume we're both lesbians#Ify I obviously am. I have Pins lmao but my crush is not (?)#But yeah I had heard their slogans from afar and had already grabbed my scissors discretely in case something happened#I was genuinely just getting myself ready to fight them all just to leave my friend a chance to run if possible#But I was genuinely scared for her (and also for me but I have a bad habit of prioritizing others' wellbeing and especially here)#So they think we're lesbians and immediately start yelling they don't like lesbians and some other hurtful stuff#But it didn't fully enter my brain. I genuinely don't care#But I was still very afraid they DO something#Luckily they just walked away and we were left in peace but I was genuinely ready to do literally anything to not let my friend get hurt#By these men#I might see her a bit tomorrow. Probably not a lot but we'll see each other#And she doesn't seem to mind too much (she thought we'd see each other next week for class obviously and said “til next week”#(translated quite literally))#I thanked her for the evening still but I genuinely think she just needs to sleep and I don't have to overthink everything that happened#In the end#The first hours of the night were AMAZING though. Genuinely never been closer to her than there I adored every second of it#(and the other people were fun too but. She. Yano)#Anyways I have a thing at 11 I'll go sleep before being fully dead for that thing#But I might genuinely have a delayed reaction on those last events tomorrow#But now I gotta sleep too
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refraining from drawing now to force myself to play through the genshin event until im done, so i can freely browse through my dashboard/tl/ao3/tumblr inbox/my fridge again without untagged spoilers
#its not a boring event at all like last update with the stupid cards its just i rlly dont have mood/energy rn to play more than an hour#bc theres sm art i wanna do#but considering that ppl spoiled me in my inbox just recently and that i cant even safely go through ao3 either#and that now my dashboard is full with untagged spoilers and i dont wanna unfollow and refollow my mutuals i dont have a choice but#seat my ass and play until i can MOVE again omg#usually i always was up to date bc i always played in a normal pace to keep up but this is the first time im so#behind and have to avoid spoilers left and right this is the most tiring stuff ever honestly#i always tag my (new archon quest when update etc) spoilers and leaks but this just makes me wanna tag it harder LMFAO#babbles#tbd#anw i might turn quiet for however long ill take save for the random babble about my progress i guess#unless i get weak and DO start sketching bc smth inspired me mid game but lets just hope ill stay strong and dont fall to my urges
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I will never understand ppl who are casual library haters. I’ve talked to people about how my siblings and I would always go to the libraries for their activities and programs, how we would rent dvds when we didn’t have cable or streaming, and they’re just like “oh yeah I never went to libraries I don’t like reading/ I just buy books” like girl you are devoid of whimsy I have my library card MEMORIZED we are not the same…
#libraries#anyway I’m hiding all my silly specific memories in the tags#there was this one librarian who moved around the county so he would host events at different libraries (some of them far)#and he started hosting pride month programs mostly for teens and my friends and I would go all the time#sometimes it would be book clubs or movie nights or crafts but they were always free and he’d get us snacks and stuff#and it was so welcoming and safe and one time I frogot my wallet (oops) and he called me on my drive home and was so kind and was like hey!#I found your number on your library card acount#and he stayed there late after they closed so that I could come back and get it lmao#but I still have the voicemail and everytime I see it it makes me so happy#and he’d let me check our R rated movies when I was like 16 >:)
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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local author is absolutely obsessed with raph and leo's relationship following the end of season 2 and is making it everyone's problem, more at 11!
#theyre so fascinating to me#let me pull up my notes on them so i can ramble like a crazy person in the tags#heres the thing. raph is the eldest sibling. its his job to keep his little brothers safe#and hes been the leader their whole lives. like they were clearly allowed to do whatever they wanted with little parental supervision#so it would be the most obvious and natural choice for the oldest to be the leader#and like clearly the others are on board (at least during canon events)#and leos the most supportive of raph and his leadership out of all of them. constantly hyping him up. even calling on mind raph#because leo trusts raphs judgement (more than his own id go so far as to say tbh)#(i genuinely believe that leo has always looked up to raph since they were very young.)#so i think leo would see him being promoted to leader as undeserved. unearned. it belongs to raph because hes always been there for them.#(~impostor syndrome babey)#meanwhile raph is struggling to find where he belongs on the team now that hes not the leader#i think raph would have liked to have someone guide him through being leader because its HARD!!! ur choices can and WILL have consequences#so hes trying to be that for leo. he tries to be there the way no one was there so that leo doesnt struggle the way raph did#and also its a good way to ignore having to process how HE feels about the demotion#bc it was so unexpected there would obviously be feelings of guilt and self-doubt and 'was i good enough'#and obviously raph isnt going to tell his brothers how hes struggling to find his place on the team now#because hes the oldest and the oldest sibling is the shoulder to lean on. not there to dump their insecurities on their little siblings#the problem is that leo isnt raph#and raph is so focused on helping leo and not dealing with his own stuff that he forgets that.#i think raph sees himself as the leader of the team and the smashy guy. the powerhouse#(i say that with the belief that raph is the HEART of the team btw. only he doesnt know that lmao)#leo himself is also projecting a little onto raph. like i really do believe he thinks raph hates him for 'stealing' his role#(its bullshit but like. brains are dumb sometimes so)#leo seeks out validation but ESPECIALLY raph's validation (like donnie tbh)#to leo a leader is someone you can count on. and he doesnt see himself as reliable#rottmnt#ataimw#rottmnt raph#rottmnt leo
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i got my clinic schedule!!!!! somehow i have two aphasia clients again, despite having already had aphasia clients last semester and having completed all my adult hours already. i guess they just needed someone to fit in there. i don't mind too much tbh! it's a different supervisor and he's really cool (tho extremely scatterbrained lmao). and aphasia is pretty interesting. what i'm really excited about tho is that i will also be doing literacy (dyslexia) diagnostics and early intervention/parent coaching! both with supervisors that i like. and the last one is a language client (presumably a young child) at the ass crack of dawn on thursdays lol. i am more reserved about this supervisor but i do hear that she's good to work with. she apparently just requires a lot of prep which i fucking suck at so that'll be a learning curve. anyway, altogether it's five clients and one diagnostic. i have three classes (one each mon-weds), and then i'll work afternoons tues/thurs and all day friday. it's gonna be busy but hopefully not too bad! i'm excited about it right now, at least
#we have some orientation stuff next week but then nothing on friday or the next monday#so it'll be a four day weekend right before the start of the semester#in a turn of events that's both good (money) and bad (i have to go places and do things) -#a guy who works in the dean's office asked me to catsit for him next weds and going almost a week#and i have to visit at least every day (tho his preference is twice a day)#so that four day weekend will involve me still driving to his place every single day#and i am a homebody who fucking cherishes a few days in a row where i don't have to leave the house#so too bad about that#but he will pay me a bit and his cat (and potentially also a kitten foster if she's still there) is very cute#and then the weekend after class starts i am flying home to texas again for my sister's wedding#so i will miss a bit of work and stuff#so that will be busy in a different way but at least a quick break from school#so hopefully i can ease into things this semester#talking this all through i sound so fucking busy#let's hope i don't feel it too much....#j.txt#here is that grad school tag
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i have so much life shit i need to complain about right now but everything just comes out as a garbled mess
#gonna make a divider here so ppl dont have to read my stupid tag rant if they dont want to--------------------------------------------------#(sorry i can never resist rambling in the tags)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway my mom is coming up here for my birthday after i specifically told her to wait & let me get her a flight for mother's day weekend#& she's staying for two fucking weeks#& there's nothing i can do bc she already bought plane tickets#i mean. i was excited for her to come up. but this amount of time is going to drive me insane#bc i already feel guilty that im not going out & meeting people enough (or really at all) & that's gonna be impossible when she's here#bc i'll have to cater to her the entire time#and i know she's just doing this bc she assumes i'm gonna be alone on my birthday (& apparently not have plans for 2 weeks after!!!)#but i like being alone & doing stuff by myself!!!#and ive been feeling guilty abt that too bc i know it's just hurting my ability to make friends which i apparently so desperately need#like ive been trying so hard to find events bc i already feel so ashamed of myself but i have no desire to actually go#even tho i know i need to#i wish i was the kind of person who's good with people instead of being overwhelmed by everything#so i wouldnt have to deal with all this shame & people wouldn't feel like they have to take pity on me#gonna try to be positive about i guess. been having a hard time doing that lately.
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my problem is that i wanna keep adding muses but i have so many already and the muses i wanna add rn are characters that most people :' ) won't be familiar with :' ) which makes figuring out interactions for them a lil harder BUT i love them...... i love them
#i say as i stare lovingly at lee chang and yeongshin from kingdom#they're such lovely characters and i mean!! they're from joseon korea!! like 1601 basically#so i could maybe finagle some verses without it being too odd#maybe some kny verse -- yeongshin would probably be the easiest to figure stuff out for#bc he's supposed to be a wandering mercenary type of person prior to canon events ( i think )#versus chang who is the (fictional) crown prince of korea and actually... now that i think about it!!#it wouldn't be difficult to figure something out for him either!#ANYWAY lemme not ramble about them and just add them to the 'maybe' list of muses#like maybe i'll put them on the tertiary list? we'll see#let me go work on this cultural reflection so i can finally be over here uvu#get ready to ramble | ooc#tbd#honestly if you take the time to read my silly tags ilu and i smooch your sweet face <3
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