#let me fade away
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How was I supposed to know
I'd feel nothin' in my bones?
Been puttin' on a show for everybody but me
I've been comin' home alone
Dyin' fast and livin' low
At least that's how it feels when I can't sleep
If I fade away
Will they miss me?
They call my name
But it's too late
Am I supposed to know
I'd feel nothin' in my bones?
Been puttin' on a show
Shapeshiftin'
#bellatrixxmarierose#taylor acorn#spotify#music#going through the motions#can’t take it anymore#I don’t want to be here anymore#let me fade away
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you know what?
maybe it is all over for me
#spilled writing#2am thoughts#depressing shit#i give up#i’m so exhausted#tomorrow is another day#you’ll never hear from me again#let me fade away
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So one of our dogs we got a year ago from another house and she's a little anxious but social still, however, certain habits of hers have given use the idea that she might have, not been the safest with her previous family (dw, she's been getting better and she is just the sweetest)
But for example, whenever one tries to pet her, she freezes up until you lift your had (then she asks for more pets), when we pick her up she starts to slightly tremble, she sleeps under tables and chairs with people around, etc.
So, I believe that in the early days of the AU, Clyde-
#doai sitcom au#dreams of an insomniac#doai#clyde doai#alex williams doai#the message of “It knows it's being hunted” on Haunted Halloween PSA tells me all I need to know#it's not wary of alex themself#but around foundation members#depending on how much they end up bonding I think that would fade away#but anyway#I have been thinking about this for a few days#letting it marinate
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I don't want to live..
So calloused and frozen, ugly and hopeless..
I don't want to live forever..
#voices#motionless in white#trans#transgender#trans pride#transisbeautiful#mtf#transgirl#girlslikeus#mtf hrt#maletofemale#transformation#they never stop#trans woman#trans women#this is what trans looks like#trans community#trans experience#trans feminine#just let me fade away#into the grave#trans fem#mtf trans#trans girl#trans is beautiful#girls like us#trans is sexy#trans is so hot#trans people#trans positivity
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walking through lucanis' mind prison. the tam lin of it all
#his mind keeps changing forms and you just have to show him you won't let go of him#it doesn't even really matter what you say to him just that you're consistently there to say it. your voice is a comfort. im in pain#I'm having so many feelings about like... rook can't be here. because of all things in the world rook means 'safe'. what if I exploded#what if I just shattered into a thousand pieces and was swept away by the wind actually#'it's better that I stay here than risk losing you' is such pitch perfect trauma logic. freeze logic specifically#on some level he seems to think he keeps rook safe like. existentially. by staying here#it's heartbreaking child magical thinking that makes me wonder like. has he basically been in a place like this inside#ever since his parents died? before that? the ossuary is just new set dressing the underlying logic is OLD. and very very sad to me#'I keep everyone safe by staying here'#(and then the perfect hilarity of having an actual demon be like 'ROOK. YOU TALK TO HIM HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME'#tfw your inner demon gets worried enough to stage an intervention and get you therapy whether you want it or not lmao)#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#rook x lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rookanis#rye staying mostly in gentle professional mode for this one b/c this is literally his training#('I may not be batting a hundred at being a person but I DO know how to deal with fade shenanigans! not to worry I've got you')#except in that last part with the illario mind ghost where he roundaboutly admits 'I need you I don't know how to do this without you'#in rye speak that is very big it's like. third base of his soul or something. we do not ask for things for ourselves in this house#(because we already know we will not receive anyway so that sounds both humiliating and ultimately pointless. no thank you!)#and yet. the things we'll admit for love#the feeling that some of the things varric did for rye immediately post-exile rye is paying forward with lucanis now. don't look at me
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it's been years since i've gone here but i was discussing john andré with my australian friend (@deathzgf) and telling them about famous piece of american literature The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and all the mentions of him in there so i revisited it and like. it's still SO INSANE how beloved he was by the american people and within american culture. imagine being a soldier for an imperial power trying to smother a revolutionary force by personally conducting espionage against them but you have such insane aura that every revolutionary you spend a modicum of time with thinks you're fucking awesome. not one negative review. 5 stars on everything. and in the decades following your death popular novelists of the nation you attempted to prevent from forming are writing about how unfortunate your fate was and how much everyone misses you
meanwhile absolutely NOBODY fucks with benedict arnold. we despise arnold but adore the british man who turned him against us
#i could actually write an essay about the culture of this#especially when you bring up the boot monument? yeah#arnold won the battle of saratoga and we want to celebrate him for it but we refuse to say his name#we want to keep his achievement but discard his identity#meanwhile the achievement of andré#turning arnold against us#we choose to ignore and let fade away#and simply remember him as something similar to a martyr?#someone who died righteously for an important cause#yet we choose not to mention what that cause was....#he was pleasant he was unfortunate he deserves our sympathy#we celebrate and mourn him#remember his humanizing personhood in a way few historical figures really get#it's so intersting to me. fascinating fascinating fascinating#two top five amrev figures for me quite honestly#also shoutout to washington irving. so many allegations and with this novel he was beating NONE of them#john andré#john andre#benedict arnold#amrev#the legend of sleepy hollow#turn: washington's spies#turn washington's spies#i Guess#washington irving#?#anyways
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someone uploaded the hypdream story on yt and thank god lol but i’ve been having Thee time of my life so far like this alone had me reevaluating an observation about samatoki’s speakers i made forever ago 😭😭😭😭
but it’s nice of hypdream to confirm that ramuda’s speakers are made to symbolise eyes thru ghost rio’s forest!!!! in the linked post lol, i mentioned that jakurai and samatoki both have those spherical speakers, intentionally for jakurai to connect him to ramuda!!!! at the time of that post i assumed it was foreshadowing on samatoki’s beef with ramuda on his part, which can hold true, but with the way nemu’s speaker is very clearly symbolising her mother’s embracing protection, samatoki’s is probably symbolising the very same, in the form of his mother watching over him


#this is vee speaking#hypdream’s the dream#tumblr was nawt letting me link my post so it’s the content source lmao#i hadn’t thought to reconsider the skull imagery on samatoki’s speaker even after we got nemu’s i feel slow lol#but i also feel so fcking excited LOL i love revisiting stuff and seeing different angles!!!!!!!#i’m still getting thru part mtc so idk if the pattern will continue#but so far bb and mtc have stressed their bonds#and it’s killing me they’ve been telling this to the ghost forms of the ‘loneliest’ person on each team 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#idk if it’s how ghost gencha and kuukou fade away but as it stands they are the more lonely/solitary of their respective teams#this story slaps bro LOL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#also ghost rio is hardcore LOL the moment i’m done with this story the moment i can make a post about the ghosts we got lol
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@sylviareviar x
Judai had also been out running errands, being the first time in a bit that he's been able to do so since team 5D's had gotten his documents in order and not be arrested for merely existing in New domino.
They'd also been nice enough to grant him access to a duel runner, one that admittedly was not his style for now- but it worked nevertheless. He could customize it whenever he wished anyway, so it hadn't been a big deal.
It was taking some getting used to to not hear the sound of a motorcycle revving its engine when he coaxed it to go. A part of him willed himself to see how fast this baby went- but for now... He was going the speed limit. But it didn't make it any less freeing.
'Judai-' came the mental prod from Yubel. 'Look'
At her mental prompting, he slows down enough to see a man with a very familiar pinkette in the grocery parking lot. His hand gripped the throttle and sped up as his mind registered the man looming over his friend as he changed direction and headed straight toward them instead.
At the last moment, Judai abandoned his D-wheel all together, lunging and taking the drunkard down with him in a flurry of curses and sputters, pain sliced through his arms and shoulder, stinging with the alcohol as he wrestled it out of his hands.
Pinning him, panting. He looked up to regard Sylvia. "You alright?" The man was very much still conscious, wriggling and trying to get out of his grasp, but he oh so easily held him down. The sound of his D-wheel finally sliding to a stop infront of the store doors made him wince. .. He was going to have to deal with that later.
#~I DID WANT THIS~#~I'll never let you go if you promise not to fade away never fade away; Judai Yuki~#~I'd rather paint the world bright than see it in black and white its never too late to look up; Sylvia Reviar~#~Going fast makes me feel alive my heart beats in hyperdrive; 5D's (Post GX)~
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#anyone not fandomy with me can ignore this#ty to people talking to me today and interacting with my stuff#I've felt so disconnected from fandom this year and the longer it goes on the harder it feels to reconnect#I just come on here and feel like I can't keep up with posts or spoilers or fic or anything#and I've let friendships fade away. and idk how to get it all back or if it's too late.#and then the show is going to end so it's too late anyway. and I am not ready for any of that to end#it's like I've missed half a semester of school and idk where to start or if I even can#sitting here crying at work. why am I like this.#I've also convinced myself that no one reads my posts lol so it's a bad idea to post about this and expect anyone to read it#the internet is so bad for me sometimes which is why I have to take so many breaks. like it just triggers so many of my insecurities#anyway sorry and thanks to anyone who's been nice to me lately#I figured it was better to just say this than let it build
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help this took so long (tagsss)
#he calls the mansion not a house but a tomb hes always choking from the stench and the fume the wedding party all collapsed in the room so#send my resignation to the bride and the groom lets go down this elevator only goes up to ten hes not around hes always looking at men down#by the pool he doesnt have any friends as they are face down and bloated snap a shot with the lens if you marry me would you bury me would#you carry me to the end to the vows you take (and say goodbye) to the life you make (and say goodbye) to the heart you break and all the#cyanide you drank she keeps a picture of the body she lends got nasty bruises from the money she spends shes got a life of her own and it#shows by the benz she drives at 90 by the barbies and kens if you ever say never too late ill forget all the diamonds you ate lost in coma#and covered in cake increase the medication share the vows at the wake (kiss the bride) if you marry me would you bury me would you carry me#to the end (and say goodbye) to the life you make (and say goodbye) to the heart you break and all the cyanide you drank to the last parade#(and walk away) from the choice you made (and say goodnight) to the heart you break and all the cyanide you drank to the vows you take (and#say goodbye) to the life you make (and say goodbye) to the heart you break and all the cyanide you drank to the last parade as the parties#fade and the choice you made (to the end)#to the end#my chemical romance#my chem romance#three cheers for sweet revenge#my chemical fucking romance#gerard way
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#dead can dance#brendan perry#4ad#toward the within#don't fade away#don't bring me down now let me stay here for a while#you know life's too short let me bathe here in your smile
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is there ever gonna be a more tender and profoundly adoring way to let go of someone than "your love will be safe with me"
#i should honestly start a tag about this song cause i think about it so often..........#i'm walking away making the conscious choice of leaving with the best of you. the love that you had for me#i'll carry it and cradle it in my heart. it's a promise it's an inevitability it's as natural as it can be#there will be effort put into taking care of it. i wont let myself forget you loved me. i wont let the truth that you once did it fade away#bon iver#re: stacks#and there's the tag...........
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I’m dying
and you’re standing in front of me, screaming
“Learn how to live”
— Pars Cor, Oct 10th, 2024
#you just can’t understand#your ways is part of what’s killing me#depression is not just having a bad day#it’s like I never really learnt how to live#living is slowly dying#end it#tired#this may be life but it’s not living#trying to explain is not trying to complain#and that’s why I don’t tell you anything anymore#dead inside#fading away#just let me die alone#DOA#imported filth#adoption is trafficking
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just thinking thoughts
#hmm… sappy moment rn but#y'all have given me so much over the past few years and it helped me get through so much shit#like i never would've posted or continued writing if it wasn't for all the love i got on my stuff (or maybe i would yk but i wouldn't post#any of it)#and i've had so much fun creating all these stories and characters – ruin you cmi atrw c&f etc etc#like 3 years ago i never would've thought anyone would love these silly ideas my brain comes up with so much#support them and be kind about them and also give ME as a person so much love?? ykwim? like im not used to this much affection#but i'm so thankful :') i do feel valued here… and i hope life stays gentle enough for me to be able to finish all this#like to finish cmi and all the other stuff i want to share before i leave this place… i hope the passion never fades#and that y'all stick around too <3 that whenever i do leave some day i don't regret not finishing something#but go with a content heart and with the hope that my stuff will be loved even when im away and the blog's archived#y'all are amazing :') it was easier to hold on over the years truly#sigh yeah that's it.. this got very long i know but if you read it all – ily :') <3#maybe dl?? maybe not let's see
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".... I wouldn't give any of them ideas, now."
"Right I didnt do anything with the forks-" he's promptly grabbed by the ra yellow
#~They say the memory of me is fading I've heard it all before; Ari~#~I'll never let you go if you promise not to fade away never fade away; Judai Yuki~#~dash commentary~#~absolute crack~#~... Test muse oc he has no info on blog but he sURE DOES EXIST~
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hey do you think the Crows control the mage circles in Antiva too, in some way? do you think the heads of Houses get handed the phylacteries of their mage members? do they bring in trainers from the Circles, or send them to classes in the towers, or do they have to wait for a mage to "graduate" before they can recruit them into a House properly? or are mages who are taken by the Crows just quietly ignored until the phylactery needs to be used?
#I saw One source say Antiva has Mage Circles and it's been haunting me ever since#because I just... I don't see that system working as well as it does in Fereldan#I don't see the Crows (who tend to recruit very young) leaving mages as an untapped market for their members#nor do I see them leaving them in a Tower when they could be training to be a Crow at the same time#it feels like maybe the Knife Houses would get stuck trying to snag an older mage and speed running some Crow training#while Talon Houses could just stare down the Tower and make them send tutors#I've been quietly thinking about how Viago might react to Rook de Riva getting stuck in the Fade#and how Antiva having a Circle means they have a phylactery system#and him being like “well okay you're all fucking stupid- we have their blood let's use that to track them??? idiots??”#not taking into account that I have no idea if the tracking magic would even work#or if all the Circles/Towers would use that same system outside Fereldan#and this ignores the funny little Colleges that could be a thing depending on your Inq choices lol#I'm just a Mage Origins girly so I see “circle” and “mage” and go oh!! blood fuckery!!!#the storage of said phylacteries could be either with the Houses (again Talons likely) or in the Tower(s) either works I'm just Thinking#like what if.... black market Mage Circle... just for the Crows.... it could be worse than the usual Circles.... I'm Just Thinking...#sleepy and thinking about this while editing chapter 2 instead of dunking myself into bed#just imagine Viago during the year Rook de Riva is away staring down a little vial of their blood#knowing they're just a little ritual and a few months away from being home again#I like the angst!!! I like how torturous that could be at times!!!#DAV Posting
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