#let alone in a few hours
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Imagine. Imagine a new ritual in-game where the temple tries to convert a demon PC back to a normal human again. Like some type of shit involving a high rank temple member cumming inside PC 7 times (Because 7 is the holy number supposedly? Jajsjajsja)—Preferably Jordan
Spoiler: It doesn't fucking work. This is just an excuse to have porn with plot, ok??? I am at my wit's end cuz I haven't been able to draw Jordan in a GOOD while and I just need them???
I NEED YURI SEX, YAOI SEX, WHATEVER THE FUCK IS AVAILABLE WITH JORDAN 😭
#THIS IS A CALL FOR HELP#SOMEONE DRAW THEM FOR ME#TAKE THEM TO THE MOON FOR ME#I NEED—#I AM CAGED LIKE AN ANIMAL BECAUSE OF COLLEGE AND I BARELY HAVE TIME TO ANSWER ASKS LET ALONE DRAW MY POOKIE#This is not a rambling this is just a pure display of suffering#and horniness#do I want to fuck Jordan? no#but I WANT MY PC TO DO IT#YURI SEX DOESNT LEAVE MY MIND#Idk just smtg about sister Jordan lately#I am probably going to wake uo in a few hours and ask myself what the fuck did I just write#and you guys are going to see my full blown embarrassment as soon as it happens#I am down bad#fuck#dol jordan#jordan the pious#dol#an apology to my followers and moots in advance#BUT I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE
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#Don't wanna go to bed tonight bc belle won't be there. Soft and fluffy and full of love every time i wake up.#Don't wanna go to the bathroom bc she won't be waiting patiently outside the door when I come out.#Don't wanna go downstairs bc she won't be following me with her little pitter-patter paws and jingle bells on her collar#Don't wanna cook bc i wont have to step over her every time I reach for something or make sure there is some suitable food for her too#Don't want to be sat in my chair bc i dont need to tuck my legs in so she has plenty of room to stretch or just curl up with me#Don't want to see anyone I know bc they don't see me without her so they will ask me where she is#Rosie keeps coming into my room and looking around. Belle doesnt usually leave without her. Let alone for more than a few hours.
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more flash animation madness
#my art#psychonauts#caligosto loboto#my insanity for him made me finish this in just a few hours#mr pokeylope#who could forget mr pokeylope#MY STOMACH HURTS#hey i think this is my first animation uploaded to my art account! let alone my tumblr!#SHUT UP KEV
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I don't know if it's the religious trauma or the dead mom trauma but the conservative christian insistence on not teaching children about their bodies in school and insistence that this knowledge should be private in all circumstances with no exceptions should be seen as suspicious at best and criminally malicious at worst
#but wait there's more#I know this isn't a new hot take or anything#but I have 'periods' without blood cause of medical reasons and every time I get them#I think about my great aunt scoffing at me for admitting Im on birth control before she told me#how until she was maybe 16-18 y/o she thought holding hands with boys she liked would get her pregnant#and I think about being 9 y/o and just losing my mom only to be told a few months later that Im a woman now#I was barely sentient let alone a woman#and with the recent period talk ban in florida#where you can't even discuss periods without getting in trouble before 6th grade#how scared and alone I already was being raised in this cult where everything was hush hush#My dad couldn't teach me about them and my extended family didn't tell me about all of the reproductive conditions we have running thru us#so I barely talked to anyone until I was like 13-14 and so anemic I was blacking out and sleeping 14 hours a day#and no one told me it wasnt normal until then#it's dangerous at best and deadly at worst
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just randomly remembered that during my like 10+ attempts at the shadow yukiko fight i more or less consistently ran out of revival beads so yosuke was just dead (well unconscious but whatever) on the ground for like half the fight gfhfjvhfhfhd-
#puppy rambles#persona 4#p4#as much as i love him he's not always the most useful. that fight is one of those times-#still always keep him in the party though. perfect p4 team to me is yosuke teddie and naoto#i haven't gotten to naoto joining the party yet but i love her. trans icon. vibing naoto is the best thing to happen to the persona 4 fandom#and yosuke and teddie are my favorites of the investigation team thus far. the others are all very close but they're above the others#dunno why i like yosuke so much. souyo is def part of it#and teddie is very very silly. idk why people hate him so much like yea he can be kinda annoying but he's only existed for a few months#he doesn't understand social cues yet. he's just autistic leave him alone vhgbhmfhdf- /hj#i feel like a lot of persona characters have autism vibes but that's probably at least partially just me projecting#at the very least i'm sure we can all agree that aigis and marie do. autism arcana#that's. probably why they're my favorite girls ggyfubhngd-#aigis is easily my favorite persona character. she's cute and also silly :3 and bisexual i love the bisexual toaster and her doors <3#(aikoto + hamugis polycule for the win. makoto and kotone aren't dating obv. ryoji's also dating both of them separately#)#and marie is cute and also silly i'm totally dating her. love how persona technically lets you polyamory so long as you don't date everyone#i have to max her social link for the golden-exclusive content anyway so might as well#‚‚‚ this post got derailed. i like the part where i talked about my beloved persona 3 bisexual polycule#p4's def the best persona game i think but i love p3 very much too. makoto kotone aigis and ryoji are unsurprisingly my faves#really love yukari too. i spent several hours trying to figure out how to add mods to p3p so i could date her as kotone#it was not successful. i'll probably get it on steam when i inevitably play it gghdhchvhv-#and i'll get reload at somepoint too. probably on steam at least first so i can use the kotone mod i need my girlie#makoto is also great i love him. emo non-binary icon. but also silly girlboss. they're both so mentally unwell#that reminds me of a drawing i have in my drafts i should post that#oh also it's aikoto week apparently??? which is very poggers. idk the prompts but i need to draw my sillies regardless#i do slightly prefer hamugis but they're both very very cute to me. the toaster has two hands she can kiss both the doors-#idk why that joke's so funny to me. i should stop now-
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it's literally not a good idea in any way shape or form but I want to get a second job in fast food
#it's not a good idea bc the wages are GARBAGE compared to retail#Macca's base rate for my age is less than half my sunday rate#and they don't get much beyond the base rate#whereas retail we have an incredible base rate AND more weekdays past 6pm and weekends (sat is the same as mon-fri 6pm#and sunday is significantly more)#and like yeah im not getting many shifts but if i were to ask for more I still wouldn't be able to work more than 4 hour shifts til july#bc my retail corporation is surprisingly ethical and extends the age limits by a lot#whereas my friend has a 7.5 half hour shift tomorrow AFTER school. on a week night ����#which is actually horrifying and should nawwt be legal. thats school 9-3 (+20 min) then work 4-11:30 btw#like i should just wait til my birthday in july n ask for more shifts in retail but i want to try fast food#even though the pay is incredibly ridiculously bad (<10 AUD) (yes our adult minimum wage is a good ~23 but under 21 is a percentage of that#like the pay is so bad so i would earn the same or more doing wayy less hours than retail#but i kinda want to get the fast food experience bc it'll be more difficult to get hired as i age#bc i want to save up 20k for top surgery but at the rate im going it'll be difficult to have even thay#let alone savings after top surgery or money to get a car before#and as school gets more difficult it'll be harder to work more#so maybe i should just grind for a few months or til the end of the year then go back to retail exclusively?#and enjoy higher pay and some longer shifts?#but idkkk it's just such a dilemma bc i want more shifts than I'll get at retail but fast food pays so little#but i also really want the experience and to just try it out#im gonna. idk im gonna sit on it for a bit bc i want to get my legal name change sorted before i apply to any second jobs and that will#take a while#so i shall consider. draw up a timetable. write a pros and cons list#yes that sounds like a solid plan#whoop typo but im on mobile i meant 'wayy less hours IN retail'
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"You're almost as beautiful as the weather today" said +60-year old man who then later cornered me at the water fountain, asking if I was in college to which I replied I had long finished and was met with a "brains and beauty" remark.
On day 1 of lesbian week no less.
#SCREAMS (DEROGATORY)#Why. WHY. In WHAT universe is that appealing to anyone let alone a LESBIAN WHO WEARS A PIN SAYING “LESBIAN” ON IT#that was a few hours ago and I STILL want to throw up#bat bat bat bat
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Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime
#morningtalks#Ask to tag#<- I have no clue what I'd have to tag this tbh#But for the story.#Me and my friend (crush) are walking at two am after quite the night. I am fully sober but she's got a few drinks and is just tired now#Like we're walking in silence she's just done type of tired#(part of me worries I was too in love with her tonight but I will do my best to rationalize it as Her Being Tired and not my fault somehow)#But yeah we're walking there and we see/hear a bunch of guys that are clearly not on their first drink#They plan to go to the bar we were so I'm glad we left but they are full on far right singing slogans about getting the leftists out#We cross each other on the street and they immediately begin asking us if we're lefties but then they see my pins#And the fact that we're two girls walking alone and assume we're both lesbians#Ify I obviously am. I have Pins lmao but my crush is not (?)#But yeah I had heard their slogans from afar and had already grabbed my scissors discretely in case something happened#I was genuinely just getting myself ready to fight them all just to leave my friend a chance to run if possible#But I was genuinely scared for her (and also for me but I have a bad habit of prioritizing others' wellbeing and especially here)#So they think we're lesbians and immediately start yelling they don't like lesbians and some other hurtful stuff#But it didn't fully enter my brain. I genuinely don't care#But I was still very afraid they DO something#Luckily they just walked away and we were left in peace but I was genuinely ready to do literally anything to not let my friend get hurt#By these men#I might see her a bit tomorrow. Probably not a lot but we'll see each other#And she doesn't seem to mind too much (she thought we'd see each other next week for class obviously and said “til next week”#(translated quite literally))#I thanked her for the evening still but I genuinely think she just needs to sleep and I don't have to overthink everything that happened#In the end#The first hours of the night were AMAZING though. Genuinely never been closer to her than there I adored every second of it#(and the other people were fun too but. She. Yano)#Anyways I have a thing at 11 I'll go sleep before being fully dead for that thing#But I might genuinely have a delayed reaction on those last events tomorrow#But now I gotta sleep too
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POV: you're a student at GEARS University and the weird 35-year-old who sat next to you in Mecha Piloting 101 and never took off their safety goggles is your neuroscience TA because it turns out she's a literal actual doctor.
As I mentioned in my art of her post-reset self, Ravyn is much more fleshed out as a character in Mechquest. So here's my lore-dump, which may serve as the preface to me posting the fic I'm writing of her (if I can work up the courage to do so, lmao).
As a fun little intro, some trivia:
Always introduces themself as "Ravyn, Ray if you prefer single syllables".
Wears their lab goggles and white coat as part of their piloting gear because they're paranoid about ocular open globe injuries and their coat is fire-resistant. Other medical professionals tease her for being like a med student who wears their first white coat everywhere.
Uses her energy blade for everything: lighting the way to the bathroom, opening packages, making toast, and cutting her hair over the garbage can any time it gets long enough to be in the way.
Lectures everyone who will listen on why acetaminophen and ibuprofen should be taken together for their synergistic mechanisms, the ideal nutrient intake to have energy throughout the day, and the neurochemical reasons why one should maintain good sleep hygiene.
Is also a hypocrite who doesn't eat or sleep right themself.
Considered joining Mystraven, but couldn't bear the jokes about Ravyn and Ravens that were sure to come, so joined Runehawk instead. Still hears bird jokes regularly from Starbuck anyway.
Loves to design new ways to inject mecha into combat. Really enjoys a "fastball special"-esque entry using the momentum of a dropship taking a tight turn to fling her at the enemy. Sys-Zero is the only one brave enough to do it, though.
(Thanks to @cyraen-ae for the character sheet template!!!)
Unlike most students of GEARS, Ravyn isn't a young teen full of fire when she enrolls. In fact, up until the Shadowscythe war, they'd never really piloted a mecha before. Born in Tibattleonia on Loreon, Ravyn discovered early on in their life that they were gifted with a natural affinity for psychic, specifically empathetic, magic. Able to feel the emotions of others, and even manipulate them to a degree, she naturally fell into the path of a doctor- using her abilities to soothe pain, ease fear, and even diagnose issues in the cases where patients found themselves unable to describe their ailments. In cases where anaesthesia wasn't an option, her abilities were highly valued- though using them always left her feeling quite drained.
She was a Neurocritical Care specialist serving with the Soluna Defence Force's Medical Corps, nearly through her fellowship with no thoughts of a career change- when the MASH unit she was stationed at suddenly found itself under constant fire from a threat they'd never seen before. The Shadowscythe hit them hard, the soldiers posted to protect them were going down, and for the first time, the doctors of the camp had to requisition a communal mech to allow them to chip in on defending their patients. Originally very reluctant to pilot, Ravyn was taught how to pilot by the head surgeon of their camp, Col. Henry, and quickly found that they were a natural prodigy- and a bit of an adrenaline junkie, to boot. Their quick thinking, impulsive but tactical, and highly adaptable nature meant that their piloting was full of decisive and strategic moves that made them a very effective pilot- and the precision of a doctor accustomed to neurological procedures is not to be underestimated.
Over the next few months, she began spending less and less time in the O.R., and more and more time at the helm of their Skuld mecha, affectionately nicknamed "the Monster M.A.S.H.". Her coworkers pushed for her to receive formal training at GEARS, believing that she could do a great deal of good if she honed her natural talent. She didn't want to leave her patients and colleagues, but eventually reluctantly agreed, and the camp chipped in to buy a new communal mecha, sending The Monster M.A.S.H. with her as a not-so-regulation parting gift when she left. In the spirit of that mecha, she tries to keep her oath of non-maleficence whenever possible, avoiding fights with non-Shadowscythe at every opportunity, and fighting to subdue and minimize harm when she can't.
As one might expect, this highly atypical background left them pretty alienated from the rest of their GEARS class- being a solid 12 years older than everyone else will do that to you. They ended up being closer to professors like Sys-Zero, external professionals like Helia, and grad students like Starbuck, Jaania, Casca, and Xaria- though they did also form an odd friendship with the Reliant crew (River, Sally, Dooder). As the war progressed, they grew closer with the crew as they ran missions together regularly, and with Sys-Zero, Warlic, Char, the house leaders, and Odessa as the people bearing the burden of leadership in the darkest times their world had ever seen.
The Shadowscythe take a lot from Ravyn- she witnesses the ruins of her hometown firsthand, has to fight twisted creatures in its crumbling rubble. She watches the mecha of friends crumple and burn under their fire. One day, one of her closest friends from the M.A.S.H. camp comes into Specific Hospital on a stretcher, and breaks down as he tells her that everyone else is gone. She sees the horror of the Shadowscythe virus, turning people she cares about into enemies. This all leaves her with significant PTSD, including night terrors. Despite it all, however, she fights hard to hold onto her sense of humour, to love warmly, and to keep hope alive in the hearts of those she protects.
That's something the reset can never change.
#late nights with ali#ali plays ae#mechquest#hero mechquest#mechquest hero#oc: ravyn#my art#I have a few kind of mini-fics I keep waffling back and forth on turning into an actual continuous mq fic but like#ehhhh it's already taking a lot of guts for me to post my art. let alone a fic#BUT the brainrot is strong and the whole summer is ahead of me so we shall see#also the lack of her mq hairstyle in df is honestly so sad to me. but I've integrated it into my lore#you see.... in df she's not cutting it with an energy blade all the time and destroying the natural curl pattern with plasma#she just uses a regular knife instead lmao#also also her scarf colour does change in the reset and it's also lore and yes it's emotionally devastating but that's a whole other post <#anyway yeah I could scream about her for hours she's my sad little fucked up meow meow and I'm inflicting The Horrors on her regularly#but it's okay I also gave her some really nice found family too
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holy shit for the first time in ten years i forgot nicks birthday
#and ironically it was my friends video talking about march that clued me in#like fuck march passed and i didn't even notice it.... feels weird. very. weird.#jrnlsht#yikes he turned 40 this year#oh that makes me feel old lmao that makes me feel so old#i thought i had everything figured out when i was 25...of the two of us i was the one with the stable job that i loved#making art all day... and then staying up till 4am making art with nick#and like sadly literally not euphemistically#although those after hours set painting sessions did include some making out#he was such a mess back then#now we've swapped im the mess and he's the one with the stable job he loves#funny how life works out#i remember his 30th vividly his sister bought him this ridiculous bunch of balloons#which of course he hated#and he was forcing a smile cause he was trying to play nice and act like his life wasnt a total mess#and i just sat there giggling at him in his sisters kitchen with the balloons cause i could tell he was faking it#anyway it was fine i made it up to him with a much better present later that evening when we were alone :P#i dont think either of us ever imagined being this old#i certainly didnt#i remember the last time i touched his face a few years ago#it was the first time i realized that - oh- i could love wrinkles#bald with lines around his smile... it was still his face :)#but forgetting is a good thing#sometimes i need to let memories go and move on
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the chronic fatigue is like killing me man
#i am. so frustrated and upset over it. i am barely keeping up with things like eating and showering#let alone chores and hobbies or even staying out of bed for more than a few hours at a time#i cant do anything#even watching shows or movies is too hard to do lmao
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Got yelled at in a store by a random man today because I’m disabled
Vent under the cut
I have an invisible disability. I’m having a bit of a bad brain day today, and it’s taking me a lot longer than normal to process things. I was in a game store and I was concentrating on an item I was looking to pick up, trying to remember exactly what it was I was after because I couldn’t quite remember what I’d come in for
The person who was working there spoke to me, and because of the bad brain day, and the fact that I was already thinking about something else, it took me a moment to realise she was talking to me. Then after I realised she was talking to me I had to try and to work out what she’d said. I have problems with audio processing at the best of times, but today has been worse than normal. The loud music and bright lights in the store really didn’t help either
Before I could figure out what she had said, and just before I was about to ask her to repeat herself, I heard my friend say something to to the worker.
Then I heard a man yelling. Again, I was having trouble processing so it took me a while to realise the man was yelling at me. I can’t emphasise enough how confused and overwhelmed I was at this point
I couldn’t understand what he was saying at first, but after a few seconds I realised he was angry at me. He was yelling at me for ignoring the worker and for apparently having a “mucky” look on my face?? (I was wearing a mask?). I was super confused
My friend spoke up and told the man that they’d responded to the worker for me, so she hadn’t been ignored, and that I had a disability and that sometimes it took me a little while to process things, and that sometimes I have trouble speaking. They explained that I wasn’t ignoring her and that wasn’t deliberately making any face
I couldn’t speak the whole time. I was just too confused and my brain just wouldn’t. I don’t know who this man is at all, but I think he was just another customer? He was talking with the worker the entire time I was in there, so maybe he was a friend of theirs? I can’t really even remember what he looks like, just that he came up to my chest, was older (like maybe 40’s?) and I think he had a British accent? Regardless even after being told that I have a disability and I wasn’t being rude, he continued scowling at me and wouldn’t hear it. He insisted that I had deliberately ignored her and that I was making a face he didn’t like?? (I didn’t think I was making any face at all??? I was just trying to get my brain to work?? Plus I was wearing a mask so idk how he could see my face at all??)
I was so confused and I wasn’t in any state to handle confrontation, so I thought it would be for the best if I just left
Anyways I never did work out exactly what the worker had said to me, but my friend told me that she’d just asked if I needed any help, and that they had answered for me because they knew I wasn’t having a good brain day. I never got to speak to, or apologies to the worker either for the misunderstanding. I passed by the same store a little while later on my way home, but that man was still in there chatting to the employee
I’d always had good interactions with that employee too, so it was disappointing to see her ignore the situation and just keep chatting to the man like nothing had happened. The store prides itself on being inclusive and supportive of people with disabilities too, so it’s especially disappointing to see such a lack of understanding and respect towards disabled customers
Sorry for venting. This happened a few hours ago, but my brain is just catching up to it now. And now that it has the OCD won’t stop ruminating on what happened. I’m genuinely so confused and don’t understand what I did wrong, or what I could have possibly done different? Especially during a shutdown
Oh well, nothing I can do about it now I guess?
#I truly didn’t intend to be rude to anyone. my friend assured me I was only silent for a few seconds too before they jumped in and answered#the question for me because they could tell I needed help#I really don’t understand what I did wrong?? Plus I was wearing a mask and glasses so idek how this guy could see my face at all let alone#what face I was making???#this took me like 2 hours to type brain is cornflour rn#Melli speaks
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The need to get a better job that pays a livable wage
versus
The instant tailspin into cataclysmic despair into which I’m thrown upon merely opening job listing sites
#my self-esteem not only disappears#it gets brutally murdered#I’m talking overkill here#I am unqualified for any position I could fathom tolerating for 35+ hours a week#let alone something with DECENT wages#……I know that’s not technically true but the executive function ramps#up at the thought of the application:rejection ratio#I mean godDAMN#I want to make more money because that would solve a few depression related problems#but said depression + adhd makes the process impossible#ugh UGH!!!!!!#personal for ts#depression cw
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ok, i want you. There, you finally got it out of me
#told them a few hours alone with them and gorgeous mountain views sounds like the ideal way to spend an evening#they said ''you've been verrry flirty recently. I like that''#then I told them they've just been on my mind like crazy lately & tbh I kinda really want them#they said good that made them excited#I told them theyre very hot & very forward & arent afraid to let you know who/what they want & I cant get enough of their spunk#I said idk if I want to go all the way yet but I can't get the idea out of my head of their lips on mine#yet at the same time I want to pick their brain and know everything I can about them#Very nice that they noticed my flirting but also they didn't answer my question about their fave songs 😂#dating tag#personal#emma rambles
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thinks "hm i'm craving some home made cake i should make some cake". gets up out of bed. agonizing pain. yet another way in which this wretched body of mine keeps itself from experiencing any joy..
#i woke up with the left side of the lower half of my body hurting to the point i struggle to like. even sit up let alone stand or walk#so that's fun! needless to say i stayed at home today 🥲 didn't even get out of bed beyond basic short stuff#i just simply forgot abt the pain after being in bed for a few hours...... then standing up it hit me again 😔💔#this is so annoying. bc. lying down is breaking my back atp. i'm doing it way too much lately#either bc of depression or other forms of pain that make it hard to walk lol 🥲#hate this body fr fr frrrrrrr i wish it was dead#vent#negative //#anyway does anyone know any tips for. i assume it's hip muscle cramps?? bc this feels like the core of it#it hurts more than regular muscle cramps but that may be just bc of what body part it's affecting idk.
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made the realization my vampire story would work best as a video game and now i can't stop thinking about it
#personal#like. vtm meets cyberponk. do you understand#it would be very focused on prioritizing... because you do play as a fully established character#but you get a bunch of jobs to take care of and you have to decide what you do first and most importantly how you solve it#you can combine certain jobs to do at once to save yourself time and effort but everything you do comes with consequences#if you ignore a problem for too long or deal with it poorly it will come back to bite you in the ass later. you can lose friends and such#basically you have it all from the start and then gradually like. work your way towards a single ending#locking yourself out of other paths because of the choices that you make etc etc and so on#friendships can help you out but they can also get in the way of other things so you have to think about like#how far you're willing to let yourself get distracted. but also no distractions is also a bad way to go at it because you'll end up alone#it would have a wide variety of endings but i suppose the 'canon' one would be the one where everything works out#because of the whole already established character thing. and also this is not real this is my story so i can do what i want#if it was an actual video game it wouldn't have a canon ending but it's never gonna happen so i can say it has a canon ending#but yeah you can play as heavenly the vampire hunter or as sun the vampire and then you get cool vampire abilities :]#i do like the idea of romance availability but they're different depending on who you play as#valentine can be romanced by both but he's a little brat so idk if you'd want that#isaac can only be romanced by heavenly because isaac is a gay man. valeska can be romanced by sun only because#valeska and heavenly are exes. so you can have a one night stand with her as heavenly and then she ghosts you LMAO#you can go into clubs... you can play carousel with npcs. it would be a very immersive experience#if you hang out at certain clubs too much then other vampire factions will be warier of you when you visit their club instead#you can forge alliances to be allowed into certain areas in town. you can disguise yourself. you have to hide your weapons#there's actual ways you can research locations or people involved in gigs so you can prepare yourself properly and potentially like#learn new things that open up a new way to deal with a situation#sometimes you have to wait until nighttime to be able to go somewhere because it's quieter around those hours. or vice versa#sometimes you have to wait a few days before someone can meet with you but if you miss the meeting you have to reschedule#and then you have to wait even longer. and some quests don't give you that much time so then you'd have to improvise#being spotted in a location can be dealt with by wiping security footage / killing the person who saw you. or just reloading your save#but if you've been spotted and you don't take care of it then that will ALSO have consequences. etc etc and so on#difficulty level in the game would determine how generous the game is surrounding stealth / time for quests / resilience of the guy you pla#and it wouldn't like. necessarily turn enemies into bullet sponges because that's lazy. it's much more fun to change other things
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