#lesbian experiences a breakup with a man for the first time

[fishysos]

if your name is gale dekarios I hate you.

I hate you. I hate you gale I hate you. I hate you gale I hate you. I deserve better FUCK YOU GALE OF WATERDEEP.

showed me love then LEFT ME TO THE BIRDS. I HATE YOU GALE.

[becomingabeing]

Love in the Big City: Reflections on Part 1

For context, this is the first time I am reading this story and I haven’t proceeded beyond the first part yet. I’m sure I’ll revisit these ideas once I’ve read the entire book.

As I finished Part 1 of Love in the Big City, a few strains of thought stood out for me. This got long so I'm putting it under the break.

First, the sarcastic, cynical and sometimes acidic nature of the prose. The narrator reads much like a jaded man in his mid-to-late twenties. As @twig-tea has pointed out, the “disaffected tone was intentional and also unreliable.” The narration keeps readers at a distance from the narrator’s more vulnerable feelings while simultaneously drawing us into his internal world with his sharp commentary as if we’re in on this joke together. 

Of course, there is the queer platonic relationship that starts off this recollection of the four great loves of the narrator’s life. @doyou000me @lurkingshan @bengiyo and others have brilliantly explored this dynamic. I love that the novel starts with this relationship as a sort of frame of reference for what’s to come. The narrator’s heartbreak following his breakup with Jaehee and getting left behind by the one who taught him “every season is its own beautiful moment” is painfully palpable. 

Next, the tense dialectic of anonymity and visibility that is present throughout Part 1, and I suspect the remainder of the book. This 2011 article on queer representation in Korean film put it succinctly: “For now, gays and lesbians in South Korea live and work under a dual system: privately out of and publicly in the closet.”

Related to this, I have some thoughts on citizenship and belonging I’ll probably make a separate post for.

While the shield of invisibility can protect us when we’re living in homophobic society (speaking from personal experience), it is nonetheless an act of erasure. There is a subversive agency in the liminal existence practised by the narrator, his “fuck you” to societal mores and his dogged opposition of tradition. But it is highly isolating. Even the person he considered his partner-in-crime “forever” leaves him behind when the pressures of heteronormative milestones come calling.

Again, the narrator himself admits he isn’t exactly closeted but he doesn't protest the homophobic comments of the male nurses at the clinic, holds his tongue around the straight people at Jaehee’s wedding and of course, he’s extremely hurt by Jaehee’s betrayal when she outs him (though that is more about his best friend abandoning him because of her shifting priorities as @lurkingshan notes here).

Then we have the titular “big city” which I believe is shaping up to be a character in itself. Yes, I read reviews and “spoiled” myself – the NPR review mentions the narrator and his partner taking walks all over Seoul and how that plays into the public/private dichotomy.

It reminds me of another favourite book of mine, Amruta Patil’s graphic novel Kari. In Kari, the queer protagonist navigates her sexual and gender identities vis-a-vis navigating the sprawling metropolis of Bombay. There too readers will find a fascinating tension between the public and the private, especially as it applies to a persecuted minority. I’ll be looking out for this thread as I read further.

Finally, going forward I will be thinking about the idea of queer failure. In The Naked Civil Servant Quentin Crisp writes, “If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be more your style.” 

Failure, in this context, is not a failing but a subversion of heteronormative capitalist measures of success. The queer subject has been epistemologically tied to negativity, nonsense, anti-production and alienation. Rather than escaping the structural associations of queerness with negativity and lack, a certain type of queer art embraces it and works it into its unique perspective. I get a sense of that from the narrator’s series of “failures” (in love, sex, career, military conscription) in the eyes of heteronormative society. This applies to Jaehee as well – even when she marries she speaks of a “contract” to have no babies thus failing to reproduce the family unit (as a microcosm of the nation) that is the ultimate goal of an “ideal” heterosexual marriage. 

Now, whether this conception of queer failure holds true for this narrative remains to be seen.

[clovenhoofedjester]

so i find the whole "i hope barney is straight and marries a woman" thing really funny because i. Literally. gave him a girlfriend coincidentally just as those posts were popping up

this is my version of lauren. barneys (mostly steady) goth girlfriend. yap session and a no filter version of the art under the cut look at her face details boy

lauren is a bi nb woman. modern day she wouldve identified as a bi lesbian

barney is a bi trans man who uses the term transsexual but he feels very connected to womanhood/sapphic experiences becaauuusseee

he and lauren started dating in early highschool before barney transitioned. they became official after his egg cracked but they were already smooching a lot before that. in his eyes he wasnt always a man and their experimentation was still sapphic to him up until he realized Oh God oh fuck I'm a guy

she helped him pick out his name

she is the only person allowed to call him by feminine terms/pet names because hes stealth. he finds it hot

[lauren w/ barney sitting in her lap] so where do you wanna go for dinner babygirl

[barneys head going completely blank] wgat

she takes him to raves all the time (hence the drawing) and he lowkey hated it at first because he would listen to like exclusively country, 70s classics and oldies but he tolerated it for his woman and now he kind of loves goth music and edm. she still doesnt like when he plays his tom jones cd over. and over. and over. but itsok. she loives him

she was pursuing a bachelor of science in computer science and a minor degree in electrical engineering when barney got the job at black mesa

the most hilarious thing about them and their relationship is that barney keeps fucking fumbling her. theyve broken up multiple times (half of those breakups were from highschool, but still) and all of barneys security guard buddies beat him up over it constantly

"jesus christ i miss her" "werent you the one to break it off this time, cal"

theyre mostly healthy asides from that though. a lot of it was understandable arguments and needing breaks because they are like This Close 🤞

i think barney started crushing on gordon while he wasnt dating lauren because the glasses/stem girly qualities made some wires cross in his brain

she said she was cool w him seeing other people during their break and was open to the idea of polyamory (based lauren she does read leftist theory) but he was still like. Oh my god im3cheating on her with a rattailed nerd im going to hell

the note about him getting her flowers was going to be a gift for her when he decided he was ready to go back to her ☹

but do not fret she survived the initial invasion and everything

[gerrydelano]

heartbreak for any of the four?

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened?

oofa doofa! i will answer for all four ^_^

ask game!

CASEY: he's definitely the person who gets himself tied in KNOTS over crushes, even though he gets calmer in the relationship itself. he had one girlfriend who he was with for two years, noelle, and imo they had an amicable breakup that didn't actually devastate him at all. sometimes things just don't work! and he handled it like a grown-up. meanwhile, in his relationship with pruitt, he goes a bit. Haywire. and heartbreak wise, he gets very used to disappointment and bad news and feeling so much pain for somebody that it breaks your heart, too. and his bitterness upon ayla's disappearance is on TOP of bitterness from being long distance and fraught with pruitt after pruitt is taken in by overseers. so he doesn't handle that shit well at all, but it's fairly new and it only really gets bad after the trauma of the inciting incident. he's also the only one who had no internet grooming experiences because it just didn't happen like that for him imo he escaped lol

AYLA: she is actually the heartbreakER. at least once. she was dating one of casey's friends, micah, for like also two ish years, and she was like... going through the motions. he was a sweet enough guy and so she figured it was Fine but then she got a bit too close with one of her roommates, odette, and after a kiss she realized OH CRAP I'M LESBIAN and she rushes to break up with poor micah LMAO and he's like. hurt, but he gets past it, because he wouldn't have wanted to trap her in feeling anything less than Herself. she even breaks her current gf's heart, bambi, after she comes back from being gone. as for heartbreaks She experiences herself, she was in fact a Girl On The Internet and was probably groomed by somebody at some point and thought she was in love with them and had to deal with the shit we all dealt with like the suicide threats and blablabla. cried over That plenty. but then she grows up and looks back and is like huh. i should have told that guy to go fuck himself.

PHILOMENA: she has probably got a colorful enough "dating" history as a TRANS girl On The Internet as well i.e. was also definitely groomed at some point, imo by a woman, and she had her vulnerability taken advantage of and it's not fair and it Sucks and she's just. y'know she's been through a lot of the Same Old Shit that a loooot of people in our generation have gone through, made worse by transmisogynoir, and a lot of it is completely heartbreaking. probably a good deal of the reason she closes herself off so much now and is very protective of herself and her heart, even to the point of Neglecting her own happiness. poor fucking philomena. i'm sure she's had honest relationships that ended up hurting too because when she DOES get invested she really puts her whole self into it and that's always a recipe for pain when you're growing up, no matter who you are.

PRUITT: this man has been so violently isolated his whole life that the primary heartbreak he experiences is at the hands of his mother constantly betraying and using him for her own gain. it's a twisted relationship and sometimes he gets that confusing feeling that he's treating it the same way she is Which He Isn't Of Course but that's lifelong psychological trauma and brainwashing for you. he didn't really have relationships with peers but probably did also get a taste of Weird Internet Relationship because he has a habit of clinging to anyone that gives him attention and affection and is a very desperate individual because he is like. man my life can't revolve around my fucking Mother forever. but it gets him into some minor trouble, until casey. and boy does casey break his heart sometimes. first time that happened was probably when casey didn't believe him when he said he never killed anyone for his black market dealer "boss." happens a few times throughout but man during their Distant and Drifting period he is completely heartbroken and just tries to focus on other things, like his overseer tasks. all in all he's not having a good time. casey is the first person he's ever been in love with and who he ever felt really loved by in return so when things get tense between them he has no practice in coping with it.

[sidhewrites]

I was possessed by the spirit of writing last night and stayed up way too late working on a Graveyard Lesbians rewrite. So here's a brand new chapter 1 :)

Project Info

Next Chapter

tag list: @adaughterofathena @ambreeskyewriting @carnelianflame @halfbloodlycan @vigilantdesert @nadunacreates

For the record, I wasn't in a graveyard in the rain to sulk, or brood, or pout. I had work to do. I'll admit, I had done no small amount of those things the past two weeks, but this wasn't the time. Regardless of the weather, grass had to be cut, headstones had to be cleaned, and ghosts had to be banished.

Okay, that last one was a lie, but I did feel a little bit like a ghost buster, leaving the tool shed armed with a trowel, huge garden shears, and an assortment of other tools hanging off my tool belt, and a grim scowl of determination on my face. One of the rose bushes had thrown out a runner, and if I didn't tackle it now, Mr. Ngo would try to take care of it himself.

And though I was a cool, collected, recently-single young woman in a college town full of other young women ready to mingle, I wasn't about to let a sixty-year-old man with arthritis try to fight a runner. Better just to keep him ignorant of the whole thing.

So I leave the tool shed properly armed, and only pause briefly to wonder if I should take the golf cart. The roses weren't too far away on a clear day, but it was pouring buckets, and it would be better for the metal tools. But it would also ruin the mood of my post-breakup wallowing. In the end, it wasn't a hard decision at all.

I take off, and let the rain wash down my face, ruining my recently-touched up pink dye, and dripping off my various piercings. Perfect.

The town had newer graveyards, with fewer ghost stories and questionable history, but this one had been around for almost 150 years. The first grave dated back to when Joseph Sutterman and his party first arrived here and set up a logging operation to service all the settlements along the river as it traveled down the mountainside. As the surrounding cities grew, so did Sutterman's settlement and the town of [Town] was founded. Even if the logging industry had dried up in the 1940s, people kept moving in, Sutterman College kept growing, and now we had a whole modern graveyard, and zoning laws, and everything. [find a way to put this back on topic about how this graveyard and like half of town has ghost stories with how old it is]

A flash of movement out of the corner of my eye has me stop in my tracks and look over my shoulder. The graveyard isn't open to the public for another two hours, so there shouldn't be anyone there. All the same, I could swear I saw something. But as I turned, my headphone wire snagged on the shears, and I flinched as one earbud tore out of my ear. By the time I'd saved it from falling in the mud, the brief pain had receded, and I was able to turn back to where I'd seen the person.

Only there wasn't anyone there. Just the old tree in the center of the older headstones, looking as ominous and spooky as always when the weather was like this. Spooky, but not actually someone trying to trespass. 

The graveyard was well-trafficked, with a wide gates on three of its four sides, separating many of the apartments and off-campus housing from the university campus itself. The odd passer-by wasn't an uncommon sight, nor was it unheard of for students to spend time here, studying or hanging out between classes. There's a small chance I'm speaking from personal experience when I say that the gates were too difficult to climb when locked and slick from the rain.

So I tip an imaginary hat at the old spooky tree with its crown of red-and-gold leaves, and make my way over to the rose bushes.

#

By the time I've got the runner pulled up and the dirt back in place, I'm exhausted, covered in mud, and soaked to the bone, but I feel better about my life for the time being. Digging things up and gardening had always helped get my mind off things, Josie included. She'd be at the curio shop by now, hard at work and hopefully feeling guilty about how we'd left off the last time we tried to find time for her to come pick up the rest of her things from my place. It was almost noon, which meant the end of my shift, and I figured that the older graves could stand to wait a day or two before I mowed the grass in that quarter of the graveyard.

Mr. Ngo, being a grandfather, had perfected the disappointed dad stare, and he leveled me with one as he puttered up to the tool shed in his own personal golf cart. "What happened to you, Karen?" He also knew exactly when to use my full name to kick his fatherly disappointment up a notch. Normally, it's Kas to him, and everyone else except my actual father, who I only spoke to on holidays.

For the record, I'd only ever called him dad five times since I started working here three years ago.

"Morning, boss."

"You look like a zombie that crawled out of the ground." Though he lost his hair years ago, Mr. Ngo had never lost his Vietnamese accent, nor his love for campy monster movies from the eighties. I have him to thank for my own love of horror, and half my DVD collection.

"I could definitely go for a skull full of brains right about now." Listen, I wasn't good at clever comebacks. "How are your joints doing?"

His expression didn't change, which meant that they were indeed hurting and didn't want me to know. "I'll tell you when it's your business."

"Sure thing, boss."

"Anything left to do today?"

"Nothing that can't wait until the weather clears."

He paused, looking at me in a way that made my insides squirm. I hated when he got sympathetic and fatherly. "Phan made banh mi today. I'll meet you in the office."

"Braiiiins."

He gave me a look, and drove off. His wife always made something for me, since my own family is half a country and two time zones away. She's an angel, and, if I didn't think my mom would disown me for ever saying such a thing out loud, I'd ask her to be my second mom, too.

Thankfully, lunch wasn't the worst thing ever. Mr. Ngo had taken a few days to accept Josie and I were properly broken up, and was still dealing with the fact that neither of us had any intention of getting back together. Any friendship we might have had post - relationship had been ruined with how long we'd drawn things out, and I still bristled when she was brought up in conversation.

I told him to thank Phan for lunch as always, and, now that I was off the clock, I let myself brood broodily back home.

[milesmentis]

pride themed ask, 2-4 for daren!

Starting off with my boy! As is right and proper!

2. What's your oc's orientation? (Romantic/sexual/platonic alterous ect) Do they have opinions about it?

Daren is a polyromantic pansexual cisman, though usually he just thinks of himself as bi. He's not exactly private or public about it, but he's very comfortable in his attraction to men and does get a kick out of people's assumption that he's only attracted to women OR men depending on the context.

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

To a certain degree, he always knew. His first crush was Anora Mac Tir, shortly followed by Nathaniel Howe and Squire Gilmore in that order. However, his relationship to his own sexuality shifted over time. When he was young, I feel his attraction to other boys was more ... lenient? Girls were pretty and nice and had soft hands, but they didn't compel him the way that their brothers did. And everyone nodded and said of course he wanted to spend time with other boys and looked up to the men around him, that's only natural. It's once he got a little older that the expectations for his life started to weigh on him: his breakup with Gilmore at 16 was really formative. In his late twenties, he reached more of an equilibrium about his own attraction, and if he's lucky enough to romance Zevran, gets to experience a whole new awakening re: polyamory.

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

Within his family, yes absolutely. He has a younger sister, Maeve, who is an open lesbian and I headcanon that his father was also bisexual, so he has a role model there. However, that's not to say things are perfect. In an attempt to be supportive, Bryce ends up passing on a bit of a complex to his son (not just about his romantic inclinations, but that's definitely part of it). Because all of his support comes with the underlying message that it's a relief he is still attracted to women, because it would be his duty to marry one … whether he wanted to or not. Maeve certainly isn't going to marry a man. As a result he was terrified of marriage for reasons he could never quite express: basically, the idea that he would have to cut a part of himself off as soon as he had a wife if he still wanted to be a good son. Fortunately that is not the case.

[hidesinhisarchived]

Name: Jeffrey “Jeff” Darby Faceclaim: Z. Q/uinto Age: Late 30s, early 40s Connection: Mark’s first “official” boyfriend Relationship Length: Just under two years ( 1987-1989 ) Sexuality: Gay Warnings: Jealousy, possessiveness, mental and verbal abuse, financial abuse, drug addiction, mentions / hints of B/DS/M, codependency, implied non-consent, overall abusive relationship

HIV / AIDS Status: Negative ( at the time that he and Mark dated ) About: Jeff Darby was a former stockbroker turned art gallery owner and well known collector of the beautiful, the quirky, and the macabre. He’s very closed off about his past, often inventing tales about his history that vary in degrees of fantastical. Thanks to his gallery, Jeff is very connected to powerful individuals, from politicians to producers to actors and writers. He has the ability to make or break careers in just about any art related field, a power that he wields like a tool. He’s also a dangerous individual and there are rumors that he’s connected to various mob families, although it’s never been confirmed. First Meeting: Mark and Jeff originally met on Fire Island in 1980 during Mark’s first breakup with Maureen. Collins had convinced Mark to join him and a group of his buddies for the weekend to try and work through the pain that the breakup had caused. It was Collins first time on the island as an openly gay man and he managed to convince Mark to join him for “moral support.” Unbeknownst to Mark, this was actually Collins’s first subtle attempt ( of many over the years ) to try and get Mark to realize that he was not fully straight. 

After settling in, Mark and Collins went to one of the many parties being thrown and quickly became separated. Mark awkwardly wandered the party with his camera, torn between attempting to join in and simply leaving now that Collins didn’t have a grip on him and hiding in their rented vacation house. Jeff spotted Mark from across the room and saw the young ( barely 20 ) filmmaker and immediately knew that he would be easy pickings for him. 

Jeff captured Mark’s attention by stealing his camera, claiming that he didn’t allow recordings at his parties. He then slowly drew Mark away from the crowds by taunting him with the camera, eventually pulling him into a private room. It wasn’t long before he had convinced Mark to do a line of cocaine to get his camera back and things simply spiraled from there. The filmmaker spent the entire weekend as Jeff’s “pet,” which resulted in him not only having his first gay experience but also his first full B(D/SM experience as well. He sobered up and managed to slip away very late Saturday night / very, very early Sunday morning after Jeff had passed out. A group of lesbians found the very dazed and bruised Mark wandering near Jeff’s house, trying to find his way back. 

Realizing that Jeff had had his claws in him, they took pity on Mark and took him back to their place to help him clean up before guiding him back to Collins. When Mark admitted to not wanting to tell Collins about what happened, they covered for him by saying that he’d been with them all weekend. Since no names were exchanged during this little tryst, there was no easy way for Jeff to find Mark again after his escape, something that Mark was thankful for.

Reconnection: The two men crossed paths again in early 1987 during Mark’s first public screening of Proof Positive. Jeff strode right up to Mark after the showing, properly introducing himself to the filmmaker and acting as if they’d never met before. Mark was taken aback at seeing Jeff again, fully remembering what happened the one and only time that he went to Fire Island, but managed to remain cordial ( if not a little awkward ). After a few minutes of conversation, he began to get lulled into a sense of safety and confidence that Jeff had been too coked out to remember him. It wasn’t until Jeff cornered him in the bathroom that he revealed that he very much remembered Mark and still was a little miffed that the filmmaker had “rudely” snuck out on him all those years ago.

Still, he claimed to not hold it against Mark and offered to take him out to dinner to discuss his future. By this time, Mark knew who he was and was fully aware of his make or break reputation. He was incredibly hesitant to agree, especially considering their original meeting. Roger and Maureen were against it because they had a bad feeling about Jeff. Joanne was against it because she knew Jeff’s reputation all too well and knew several lawyers who were trying to get enough dirt on him to get him on criminal charges. Collins was hesitant because he knew Jeff’s reputation, but he also understood that this was one of Mark’s best chances of finally getting his foot in the door. Eventually, Mark decided to take the chance and agreed to dinner. However, it had to be in a public place and he made it very, very clear to Jeff that he would leave if he felt uncomfortable at any point during the night.

Jeff was careful in how he handled things with Mark, knowing that he wanted the filmmaker under his control and as part of his ‘collection.’ Still, he also knew that the wrong move would send Mark fleeing into the night without a second thought. So, Jeff turned on the charm and absolutely amplified it. He apologized for how he acted during the original tryst, admitting that he always got way too rough when he was coked out like that. He then offered to connect Mark to people who could help him get his film out, even introducing him to a producer friend that night that he’d arranged to meet them.

It took a little work, but Jeff eventually wore Mark’s walls down and sank his claws into him. In a nutshell what followed was: Mark coming out of the closet to his friends as bisexual, Jeff and Mark officially dating, and Mark gaining a bit of a coke dependency thanks to Jeff. The two of them dated for almost two years, during which Jeff was incredibly controlling and easily jealous, especially of Roger because he could see how much Mark loved the musician. 

There were a lot of arguments, all of which stopped just short of actual physical abuse. There were times where Jeff really got into Mark’s head and tore the filmmaker down, over and over again. It took almost two years, but the gang ( including Benny, shockingly ) managed to convince Mark to leave him. Then, knowing that Jeff wouldn’t let the filmmaker go so easily, managed to convince Mark to briefly leave New York until things settled and Jeff moved onto the next shiny thing. Mark only agreed to leave if Roger went with him because he feared for the musician’s safety when Jeff discovered that Mark had taken off.

[nin-jay-go]

Please tell me more about Rebooted but in your rewrite, Zane season go

(also i love all of it, it's wonderful)

oh man do i have THOUGHTS about rebooted

-the pacing. oh GOD the pacing. i'm fixing the pacing. s3 goes by sooo fucking fast and i need to spread it out a little bit

-i'm gonna cut down on a couple of plot threads bc there's just too much going on in s3 lol

-i'm cutting the love triangle. that shit is dumb and bad and should not be Like That

-i am, however, keeping jay and nya's breakup. this is through them realizing that they're both still kids and with no relationship experience, plus whatever i'm having replace the perfect matchmaker machine thing. either way, there's nothing that says that nya's perfect match is cole so she doesn't get dumb like that

-i'm not sure what i'm gonna be doing instead, but they need some time apart. they're gonna properly work everything out in s6, but jay is gonna be a bit sad and bitter at nya, himself, and cole (bc he has a crush on him but doesn't want to do anything about it, so he tries to either avoid them or argue. he's not doing great)

-also nya's a lesbian and was experiencing comphet trust me i'm a lesbian

-zane still dies :( sorry king

-pixal and zane get more time to get to know each other instead of love at first sight. i love pixane, pixane is canon in alterline, but i have a weird relationship with romance and i hate the love at first sight trope. they're gonna get some moments of bonding and getting to know each other

-idk if its canon or not but pixal is the one to rebuild zane's titanium body. his consiousness was left behind with his core, which is ??? here? i haven't figured it out yet

i mean the biggest issues i have with rebooted is the pacing, the love triangle, and the too-muchness. i think rebooted's biggest crime is that it feels extremely rushed. my friend pointed out that shows like this tend to have set first seasons, then when they get renewed for another season drop Everything into the new season while also being careful and quick with it. gauging the audience reaction. s3 did well commercially i'm pretty sure, but it doesn't hold up. pixal my absolute beloved though i'm so glad she was added

any suggestions for s3 are appreciated!! bc its just a Mess djkfhgkdjfhg

[transguygardner]

4-9 for comic asks!

4. What introduced you to the DC universe? Was it a show, comic or movie?

i think i was like vaguely aware of the DC universe before this but my first like real experience was watching teen titans, static shock, and the batman (2004) on the kid's wb saturday morning programming block! i distinctly remember watching the premiere of the batman (2004) it's also the first thing i remember drawing fanart for (batgirl in season 3) and it lead me to finding my true love the making of batman & robin (1997) book that my school had in their library for some reason

in high school i tried getting into the comics when they did the new52 reboot. i know that i bought catwoman #1 because i heard she was bisexual and maybe also batwoman #1 cause i heard she was a lesbian but getting into the comics didn't stick until i got shown guy gardner and lobo a bunch of times by my SO and i had disposable income for the first time lol

5. Favorite character?

i think we all know that its guy lol. also lobo, tora, bea, jared stevens, arnold burnsteel, frostbite, off ramp, huntress, ted, and booster

6. Favorite cannon ship?

can i say jared's divorce? lol um obviously offramp/frostbite and then the version of cannon/saber that lives in my brain since they don't get a lot of screentime. i haven't really read enough of the other canon ships in order to feel like i have a good grasp on how they are in canon vs the idea i have for them in my head. idea wise i love dinahollie and clois though. also guytora is so important to me but they are not end game. they have to breakup ALSO just remembered this after i typed the answer for the next question. mitchell shelley/kim rebecki in the original resurrection man run. it was so nice how it unfolded

7. Favorite non-cannon ship?

guylobo....... they are my everything the way they've barley interacted over their publication histories but each of those interactions is so incredibly rich. they way both of them are exaggerations of machismo with guy's mellowing/being written more palatably over time while lobo's becomes more extreme until they want to use him as an actual character. they way they both have the potential to live forever so their relationship can progress emotionally at a snail's pace. their ability to understand each other's mode of operations because ultimately they operate on the same system but at different intensities and with different levels of self awareness allowing them to create a space where there's the possibility to just breathe around each other. the way they immediately start fist fighting each other when they meet only to be arm wrestling after they've both calmed down. the way lobo was part of two of guy's life changing adventures into space. the way lobo not only brought guy his space hog to put in the bar but also took the time and effort to clean the skull of guy's dead enemy and put it in a nice box and he pulled him to the side and away from the crowd to give it to him and create this nice private moment and guy is so touched by this that he tells lobo that he will always drink for free at his bar expressing the desire to see him again without saying those words...

8. Pre-N52 or N52?

pre-n52 one hundred percent

9. Rebirth or N52?

rebirth because it has space cabbie in it also crush

[bowie-boy]

Favorite LGBT+ headcanons for X-Files characters? Mine is that pretty much every main F.B.I. agent(including Krycek) is either bisexual or asexual(or both)! :)

This has been in my inbox for months and I keep forgetting about it I’m so sorry but TODAY IS THE DAY!!!! Happy TDOV Fox and @himbo-mulder (this is my response to your ask too)

LGBTQ X-Files Headcanons Because Someone Asked

Fox Mulder:

Bi and trans icon

The first person he told was Samantha

She accepted him immediately as her big brother and told him he should name himself Fox (it was her favorite animal at the time)

He was going to make his name William Mulder Jr. up until she disappeared, in which he actually decided to make his first name Fox (he misses her 🥺)

Came out to his parents sometime in high school, both took it badly

Bill was hella transphobic—he was already pretty shitty to Mulder but this added a whole new layer to it

Teena was more passive aggressive about it but still made withering comments about how she “lost two daughters now”

Some high school friends (*chants* PHOEBE AND GIMBLE PHOEBE AND GIMBLE) helped Mulder start T and change his legal name on government documents before he left for Oxford

Mulder wanted to go stealth while he was there but came out to Phoebe

When they broke up, she outed him to everyone

Things got so bad that he almost dropped out

Mulder joined the FBI, excited at the prospect of knowing no one and being able to go exclusively by his last name

He was somewhat happy of his solitude in the basement—no one really looked into him past his spooky nature, so no one could find out he was trans

Since Samantha, Scully was the first person who was truly accepting of who he really was

Got top surgery sometime before Colony

Definitely fell in love with Scully right after reading her profile skrjnwkdjwka

Mulder and Krycek were definitely an item for a hot sec until Krycek went evil

Mulder is 500% faithful to Scully but kinda had a crush on Doggett for a little bit

Mulder just wants to be a better dad than Bill 🥺🥺🥺

Mulder helped Byers realize he was trans!!! More on that later though

Dana Scully:

A bi queen

Definitely experimented in college and had a couple girlfriends there and through med school

Ending up breaking up with a girl she was really close with because Scully’s job was just putting too much strain on their relationship

It was really hard on her and made her swear off serious relationships for a long time

She thought Mulder was adorable from the moment she saw him but was really scared of actually developing feelings for him so she pushed it down

And kept pushing it down until she finally realized Mulder was never going to hurt her and actually let him in

I’m just ranting about MSR now oops

100% faithful to Mulder but thought Reyes was super hot

Scully is just a distinguished bi idk what else to say

Walter Skinner:

You can’t adopt THAT MANY LGBT agents if you’re not LGBT yourself, right?

Definitely bisexual

Grew up in a really conservative family and didn’t even consider it an option until he moved out

Skinner was attracted to a lot of guys in his squad in Vietnam but he thought it was just because there were no women around

(Spoiler alert: it wasn’t)

Skinner fell in love with John “Kitten” James and he fell hard

Absolutely did everything possible to protect that man

He was terrified of his feelings though and pushed them down, eventually starting to resent his best friend for making him feel things he couldn’t understand

When Kitten got infected by that gas, Skinner put his values over the man he loved, not just because he thought it was the right thing to do, but because he was terrified that he might be bi

He has regretted it ever since

Married his wife after the war and had a pretty good relationship until he became too consumed with his work

Their breakup was really hard on him and he delved even more into his work

Sometime after Avatar (maybe by season 5 or 6), Skinner meets a really lovely man and that man becomes his boyfriend

It’s really hard at first, but the guy helps Skinner to open up and allow himself to be okay with who he really is

They make time for each other outside of work and are really happy together!

Skinner’s boyfriend is 100% okay with the fact that Skinner has basically adopted all these agents

Skinner is everyone’s dad!!! No exceptions

John Byers:

Trans man!!!!

Discovered it pretty late in life, like he knew earlier but he Repressed it

First person he ever came out to was Mulder (as in my fic 😌)

Lots of internalized transphobia in this man but Mulder and the Lone Gunmen really helped him break out of that

Langly and Frohike obviously went with him to get his first T shot and chanted “MAN JUICE” while it happened (scaring a lot of the nurses)

Met Susanne before he transitioned so seeing her again in Three of a Kind was a little terrifying for him

She accepts him though and is a bi icon herself

Byers wears suits so much because they make him feel really validated

Ringo Langly:

Non-binary and gay!! Langly uses any pronouns (gonna stick to he/him for this list to keep things simple though)

Grew up pretty unaware about gender as a whole, just living his life

Moving away from home to a city was huge for him, he started going to gay bars and really realized that he was gay

Eventually started to experiment with his gender, using different pronouns etc., and found out he was non-binary!

Came out to Frohike shortly after learning Frohike was bi (more on that later)

Goes by Ringo because it’s somewhat gender neutral

He isn’t dysphoric very often but when he is it’s very hard for him to cope, Byers and Frohike are always there to support him and help however possible though

Langly gets way more dates than Frohike and loves to brag about it

Melvin Frohike:

We stan one funky little bi king

HE WAS AT STONEWALL I’LL DIE ON THIS HILL

Frohike had a mega crush on Mulder when he first met him and it persisted all the way until he met Scully

And then when he met Doggett he crushed on him too

Frohike is just kind of a hopeless romantic okay I love him

Absolutely bonds with Scully and they always debate which celebrity is hotter while they get more and more drunk

John Doggett

GAY MAN

Doggett was really repressed for a lot of his life, not because he thought his family would hate him for being gay but mostly because of his environment

(He was a drama kid though)

The military REALLY repressed him and thoroughly fucked him up

It wasn’t until he met Reyes that he started to accept himself more

At first Reyes being a lesbian totally freaked him out and he was really upset, leading to a huge strain on their friendship, but one night he broke down and told her he was pretty sure he was gay

Reyes really helped him through everything, especially his divorce from his wife and the loss of his son

Doggett eventually came out to his dad, who was super accepting

It took Doggett a long time to be comfortable enough to date but he started and met a really great guy, one who he’s now married to

One day he mentioned his boyfriend in passing and the rest of the Spooky Squad totally flipped out because they had no idea he was gay

Doggett just straight-faced “I didn’t think it was relevant?”

Sings musical theater songs in the office when no one else is there

Monica Reyes:

A lesbian

There isn’t a straight bone in her body have you SEEN her???

Absolutely crushed on Scully for the longest time at first, totally backed off when she realized she was involved with Mulder

Total mlm/wlw solidarity with Doggett

Reyes is super comfortable with her sexuality

I’m convinced that she’s married and she and her wife live in the same neighborhood as Doggett and his husband

Running out of brain power at this point but I just love her so much??? Mwah

Alex Krycek:

Gay rat

Everything he did against Mulder and Scully was fueled by spite at his ex-boyfriend Mulder

Daddy issues

Sometimes he breaks into TLG’s base and vibes with them for a few days

Rat (affectionate)

Deep Throat:

Gay :)

Bonus: Melissa Scully is a trans lesbian and Samantha Mulder is bisexual and they’re dating

[novelconcepts]

lol to the version of me that thought I had time to finish chapter 4 the weekend BEFORE Easter. Anyhow, here we go, once again in two parts to accommodate my ridiculous abundance of thoughts and feelings:

-“That’s how I like to remember her, in stories people can take home with them.” [long, happy sigh] Such a lovely way to be remembered. And such a faithful way to carry and pass on a legacy.

-“Too heavy, for a little girl. Too heavy, for a young woman who’s lived longer with a memory than a man.” Sometimes (all the time) I just want to give Dani Clayton a hug.

-“‘Magic is not the measure of a person’s soul, Dani Clayton.’” Man, I wish somebody had been there to teach Dani this before any other conception of it could even take root. 

-“Dani pops Skittles and Sour Patch Kids and doesn’t worry, for the first time in her life, about setting aside the red ones in case Eddie’s pack is light.” I can see how this might be endearing in another context, but it’s just upsetting in light of Dani & Eddie’s entire relationship. Like there was literally NO tiny little thing Dani could do just as Dani Clayton, and not as half of Edmund-and-Danielle.

-"She wonders if there could ever be a middle ground between destruction and do-without, and her eyes slide to Jamie, and something embedded in the tips of her fingers seems to jolt to life." Uh-oh

-"If she shuts her eyes and listens, she can forget it all—and, she thinks, she can hear a kind of music in the rain. A natural, glorious song with a magic all its own, one open even to the likes of Dani Clayton." Listen, this is a lovely sentiment and all, but is that really Dani hearing music in the rain, or is it the inexorably-awakening Lady?

-“‘Do you—do you want to go?’ she asks in an unexpectedly small voice.” Oh, Jamie.

-“The world is clean just now in ways a person does not always get to taste.” Ooh, love this. Although I come at it a little differently, this feeling that you’ve arrived exactly where you’re meant to be is truly the most amazing thing. 

-I don’t have a tattoo. Don’t want one for myself. But I am entranced by Jamie’s. 

-“She doesn’t mean to touch the piano. She hasn’t even decided to touch the piano.”

Creeeeeeepy.

and a great cut point

Kat has feelings about ch. 4, part 2:

-I understand that this sudden ability at the piano is the Lady (or at least I assume so), and not really Dani, per se. But it also feels like a fitting coda (so to speak) to Dani’s whole post-breakup process of establishing for herself all the things that had just previously automatically flowed from Eddie—where she is, what she’s doing, who her social circle is, and now, music. 

-The near-kiss is magnificently tantalizing, thank you. But I also really like this: “‘Didn’t feel up to letting Hannah take everything but my earrings?’ Something shivers across Jamie’s face, just for a second—something warm and glorious and terrifying in its intensity.” I mean, we’ve already made all the horny lesbian jokes about these two, but also: I love that Jamie scrupulously respects Dani’s boundaries—doesn’t want to overstep, tries so hard to be nothing more than what Dani needs in any given moment. But because she’s so restrained, I really love it when we (and Dani) get a dizzying glimpse of how much Jamie WANTS her (but sure, Dani, go ahead and tell yourself it’s the wine).

-I have a hard time squaring Dani’s conviction that words don’t work with Jamie with Jamie-the-Storyteller. Then again, if we assume that canon Jamie first latches on to the power of telling Dani’s story several years after her death, I guess it’s fair to assume that this Jamie—who, at least up to this point, notably doesn’t write lyrics—hasn’t come around on the power of words yet. 

-The line you’ve woven through this with both Jamie and Dani watching Rebecca and Peter’s relationship deteriorate is really good. It’s especially poignant seeing it through Dani’s eyes—through the eyes of someone who has so recently lived the experience of staying too long in the wrong relationship and then abruptly realizing that she just can’t do it anymore. 

-“Even Peter is gnawing at the side of his thumb—an anxiety tic, Dani recognizes, he must have picked up from her.” This is such a cool detail that really highlights the way these people have grown together, even in spite of themselves. 

-Eddie’s parting words to Dani are a fascination—they’re foreboding because we know about the Lady, but Eddie really doesn’t. So I’m a lot clearer on what they mean in the context of the story than on what Eddie means by them. 

Also, bye, Eddie. Can't say I'll miss this version of you.

I once again love going through these play-by-plays. The two things that really spring out to me that you’ve pointed out here--Dani’s belief that “words don’t work with Jamie” and Eddie’s parting words. The first is a nod to how little Jamie, in her youth, seems to process herself as a storyteller, or even someone who can build relationships with words. She uses her hands, she builds, she plants; when she’s angry, she threatens violence. In positive and negative regards both, Jamie leans into action, and doesn’t really seem to realize the power of her own words until much later in life. Framing her music as melody over lyric seemed to suit that. 

As for Eddie--his parting words are intended to be a verbal slap, much like they are in canon (”Why are you doing this to me; you’ve done enough; fuck you, Danielle”). I don’t think they’re the things a man says because he means them deep down; I think they’re the things you say when you’re too shattered to feel anything else, when you’re the worst version of yourself out of pain. Eddie in this story was an interesting element because, unlike other AUs where he gets to live, but Dani gets distance from him after the breakup, he’s right there. For months after the breakup, they’re still living in cramped quarters. He gets no space at all to process the loss of this huge relationship (even if it was always unbalanced, it was still deeply important to him--and to her), and just gets to sulk deeper and deeper in those ugly feelings. What does a person become when they can’t get breathing room? What does that person become when there’s a nasty voice in their ear (Quint) egging them on? Or a nastier internal voice (in this case, magic) warping those feelings into something tangible? His parting shot is very much a nod to some part of him always feeling Dani was the girl to his man. I like to think there’s a time, much later, where they can meet again and all that time and space gives him the maturity needed to process. And to apologize. It’s what the canon version never got the chance to do.

[karls-writing-space]

『 Backstory 』

➵ Any TWs? :

➵ Subtle Mentions of Transphobia.

➵ Beau Romano - his deadname being Bianca - was born a year after his older sister, Faye. He lived with his semi-wealthy parents, Camilia and Dylan Romano in Manitoba.

When he was in second grade, Beau began to have a big sprout of creativity. He had drawn pictures of people and anthropomorphic animals, and create small little tales about these people/animals he has drawn. He Drew more and more of these as time slowly passed, and he enjoyed telling stories about these drawings. This had grown into a hobby, and something he enjoyed thoroughly.

His older sister came out when she was nine that she felt like a girl and that she was attracted to girls. Now, their parents are very accepting people and proceeded to assist and support Faye - who was formerly known as Lovino - get what she needed to transition.

Beau happily cheered on his big sister on, supporting her and showering her with love. He celebrated her transitions and her relationships happily, happy that he had such a prideful older sister.

By the time Beau was ten, he had begun to experiment with his sexuality by feeling some weird way towards a guy in music class. He talked with this guy more and more, and these feelings continued to grow.

After a couple of weeks, he felt the same way towards a girl in music class too. The feeling for the boy stayed, but now he had feelings for a boy and a girl.

One day, while walking to school with his mom, he heard two girls behind him talking about the people they liked. One of the girls had said that she was Bisexual, to which little Beau tugged on his mother's sleeve and asked what "Bisexual" meant. The woman explained that it was when someone liked two or more genders.

Beau put that into thought, and not even a minute later, he exclaimed "I'm Bisexual!"

His mom smiles and ruffled her son's - then daughter's - head. While Beau was still a kid, and she thought that Beau didn't know what he was talking about, the boy knew exactly what he was talking about.

Those feelings of the boy and girl faded over time. When Beau was twelve, he had fallen for another person. There had been this really cute girl in class who enjoyed drawing, and boy, what a talented artist she is.

Slowly, but surely, Beau began to fall in love with this girl, and spent time with her. Months went by, and the two had fallen in love.

The girl had confessed to Beau, which he accepted.

These two were a great, healthy Lesbian couple at the time. They were both very happy and loving. Beau had welcomed his girlfriend into the family, to which they welcomed with open arms.

The relationship lasted for two years until they fell out of love. The spark was gone. Their breakup wasn't nasty - they awkwardly stated that they lost that romantic spark on both sides. Beau had turned thirteen at the time. Beau and his ex-lover are on good terms to this day.

Once puberty hit, Beau looked at the body he had at the moment. He didn't quite fit with how it was. It made him feel like he didn't fit in a girl's body. He wanted to cut off his developing melons. So, he decided to talk to Faye later that evening, whom had fully transitioned. She was a beautiful woman. As he talked to her about what had been up, Faye stated that Beau could be Transgender, and even gave him a few articles on Gender Dysphoria.

Weeks of looking into gender identities later, Beau took the label "Trans Male" and used it to describe himself. With encouragement from Faye, he came out to his parents, who accepted him. He didn't want to transition as quickly as Faye, and wanted to take it slow. Testosterone and binding first.

As he grew older, Beau got bullied for being a Transgender Bisexual man. He was experiencing Transphobia from a few of his fellow peers. He knew that not everyone would accept him for being who he was, but this hurt quite a bit. Being bullied for this wasn't fair - he had every right to express himself! - but nooo, people were idiots.

His love for writing had grown more and more over the years. He began to write little stories that he presented in school and posted online. People loved his little stories. Whether they were fanfiction or characters and universes he had created in his head, they received a lot of positive feedback. Sure, there were haters, bullies, trolls, and rude people in general, but Beau didn't pay attention to them too much.

Beau had gotten top surgery when he was fifteen. He had been on testosterone for a year, and he had been binding for that time being. He loved his new, flat chest. Sure, he would have a scar on his chest from the surgery, but it didn't really bother him. He was happy that his tibbies were deleted. Now he could feel like a guy somewhat.

During the time passed from fourteen and fifteen years old, Beau had been watching a show known as "Total Drama" with Faye. The show was appealing to the young teen. The risky challenges were entertaining, most of the cast was likable, and it was really entertaining for the young boy. He'd talk about joining the show every now and then and would think about what his label or cliche would be on the show.

Timeskip to now, Beau and Faye are sixteen and seventeen respectively. After watching an ad to audition for the next season of Total Drama, Faye looked over at her little brother.

"Hey... You should audition to be on there!"

Beau, liking the idea, auditioned for the show. Once his audition was seen, Beau was invited to be on a season of Total Drama.

『 Voice Claim 』

『 Miscellaneous Facts』

➵ Theme Song

➵ Quotes

"O-Oh, hello...!"

"I'm Beau. It's nice to meet you!"

"It's too people-y in there. I-I'd like to stay right here."

"He's... Kinda pretty."

"Are you lonely? I could hang out with you if you'd like."

"I-It's not a diary! It's just a journal that I put my writing and ideas in."

"Sorry, I'd rather be by myself. I-It's nothing personal -- I j-just don't like large groups of people."

"Sorry... I'm rambling again, aren't I? Sorry about that..."

"He's a... He's a man. And I'm just a boy."

"Ciao, bello..!" (Hello, handsome..!)

"Aren't you guys a little too old for a bedtime story?"

"Fine, fine. Once upon a time, there were a few guys on an island who needed to go the fuck to sleep. G'night, guys."

"What do you mean that 'isn't a good bedtime story? I think it's a brilliant story."

"Fine... There was once this God named Fóllame de lado-"

"Hey - do you wanna fuck around with the others?"

"H-Hey! I apologize for interrupting what you were doing, but... I'd like to confess something if that's o-okay? Look, I'll cut to the chase. I... love you, dude. And not in some bromance way. Like... I have romantic feelings for you. I love you so much I could scream it to the world..! I hope you f-feel the same way. And if you don't? That's p-perfectly fine."

"Good morning, mio amore."

"Sorry, but could you like, shut up for five seconds? Thanks..."

➵ Ship Names (OC X Crush or OC X OC)

Duncan x Beau = BeauDun/ BeauCan

DJ x Beau = BJ / BeauJ

Alejandro x Beau = AleBeau

Mike x Beau = Meau/Bike

Lightning x Beau = Blightning/BeauLight

Topher x Beau = Beaupher / Beaupher

Shawn x Beau = Sheau / Bawn

➵ Random Facts

• If they're comfortable, Beau calls his male friends "Bello" (Handsome), and his female friends "Bella" (Beautiful).

For Nonbinary folk, it depends on what they prefer.

•Beau has learned how to play the ukelele from Faye.

•He would actually like to go windsurfing sometime!

• Speaking of his sister, she's a well-known acrobat/performer for her age. He admires her for being so talented in such a thing..

• His sister is an extrovert, and more outgoing than Beau. The two are opposites,,but yknow, opposites attract!

•Beau prefers to write stories that are/include horror, action, and supernatural/fantasy. He can write romantic stories, but he doesn't prefer writing things like that.

•He has written some shitty fanfictions when he was younger. He will share them among his friends and laugh at what he wrote.

•The languages he speaks are:

• English

•Italian

• (Some) Spanish. [Italian and Spanish are similar language-wise in a few ways. That, and Beau just wanted to learn Spanish.]

• Respectful boi when it comes to Pronouns, Names, People's likes and dislikes, etc.

•Beau has some family members that live in Italy. He has gone to Italy to visit them numerous times.

• Beau doesn't believe in soulmates. He thinks that it's just some fairytale thing that people believe in. He wants to love someone on his own accord - not someone who the universe was like "Oh, let's put these people together.".

♫♪.ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı.♫♪

╚═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝

[oreoambitions]

If this is too personal please feel free to just ignore this ask but I was wondering if you would ever consider talking more about being non-binary/ discovering that you were non-binary? I am only just at the point of beginning to accept myself as a baby enby so I love hearing other people’s experiences but I completely understand if that’s not something you’re comfortable talking about. Hope you have a great day either way and good luck with the firefighter :)

Hey friend, I’m more than happy to talk about it! Let me start by saying welcome to the enby club, and I’m so proud of you for exploring this part of yourself! I know it can be A Lot, and sometimes pretty scary, so I applaud you for the self examination and the bravery it takes to get to this point. It took me a long time to get to where you are. I was 26 when I got drunk (for the first time bc I’m a late bloomer whee) and told a group of friends that I thought I might be nonbinary. I was openly pretty hostile towards enby folks up until that point, and I hadn’t realized that this was the gender equivalent of really entrenching yourself in homophobia because you really wish you weren’t gay. It was another six months after that before I confided in a partner about it (sober). She asked if there was another name I wanted her to use, and then proceeded to never use it. Another six months and a breakup later I took some time to consider how that’d made me feel, and I came to the conclusion that it was at the very least time to change my name. I am still figuring out the rest. In retrospect there were a few signs. As a teenager my church held a coming of age ceremony split by gender and I didn’t know where to go. A church member asked me if I was trans - meaning, was I a boy - and I said no. I’ve always been pretty clear on that. They sent me to the women’s tent, but that didn’t fit right either. I was pretty clear about that too, but since I wasn’t a trans man I thought there was just something wrong with me that I was uncomfortable with womanhood.

For a while I thought maybe it was a body image problem. If I were prettier, I would feel more like a woman. If my teeth were straighter. If I lost weight. I put myself in the hospital running track and not eating because I was desperately trying to feel ‘right’ in my body. Spoiler: that did not work. It only made things more difficult.

Then I thought maybe I was just aggressively homosexual, that the part of being “female” that I was rejecting had to do with heteronormativity. But there were things touted as universal female experiences among the queer community that fit awkwardly too, and the word ‘lesbian’ chafed. I didn’t want it applied to me even though it described me. I couldn’t explain why not. A good friend of mine came out as nonbinary a few years back. They described it as knowing that they could play the roles of male or female poorly, or they could step into a role that was right for them and live to the best of their ability. That absolutely resonated with me (and scared the heck out of me at the time) and it’s something that I still hold up when I’m struggling with my identity. Does this identity fit me awkwardly? Then it might not be right for me, and that’s okay.

The question people ask me a lot is whether I’m “really” nonbinary, or whether I just don’t want to be perceived as a woman because society treats women so badly. Whether I’ve just internalized a negative image of womanhood, and whether in a more just society I wouldn’t feel that way. And to that I say... sure, I guess maybe that could be a thing. But we don’t live in a hypothetical just society; we live in this one, and in this reality that label doesn’t suit me.

I’m still really struggling to figure out pronouns - they/them isn’t wrong but seems like a political choice, but she/her isn’t right, and he/him is right but also implies a trans binary identity which isn’t right - and I’m constantly afraid that this is Another Reason it will be difficult or impossible to find a compatible life partner. I worry that presenting too masculine or too feminine will invalidate my identity. I worry that people read me as just wanting attention and won’t take me seriously. It’s some scary stuff. It would have been easier to stay in the closet and pass as cis. But then we wouldn’t be ourselves, and that’s more difficult in some ways.

Anyway, I’m not sure if that’s what you were looking for. If you have specific questions I’m more than happy to answer them! And you can always shoot me a message if you just want to chat/vent about enby things. Always here to support baby enbies, in or out of the closet. Sending you much affection and solidarity, and I hope you are keeping safe and sane out there!

[charincharge]

what’s your coming out story? (only if you feel comfortable telling it!!!)

I’ve come out a lot of times, tbh, my coming out story is kind of a rollercoaster. But I’m totally fine talking about it! (TW: rape, FYI)

I was always a very boy crazy person. I can probably go back to kindergarten and list all my crushes. But for someone who was so into boys, I had absolutely no experience with them. I went to an all girls school, had sisters and a single mom. And I’d always idealized potential relationships with boys, despite not having any. During college, my first sexual experience was non consensual, and I pretty much shut all men out of my life. I’d wanted that experience so badly, and it was taken away from me extremely brutally, and I basically decided I would never be with a man again. I retreated into fandom as a safe place and for the first time in my life was exposed to women who were incredibly comfortable with sex and sexuality. I started developing feelings on a friend and was incredibly confused. This was me, formerly boy crazy person! But, it was one of those amazing instant connections and we met up fairly quickly and got together.

My mind was BLOWN. I was so in love with her, and as we spent time together, I slowly told my best friends one by one, and literally none of them seemed surprised. Which shocked me. I slowly began to play with the label of lesbian or pan but I still felt self conscious about it. I didn’t tell my family at all. When the girl and I broke up, it was a giant horrible disastrous breakup, and I basically shoved the relationship to the back of my head and claimed it as a fluke, a phase, a result of my trauma.

I finally started feeling something for a guy again a few years later and officially was with a man on my own terms. I basically told all my friends I was straight and to disregard my prior relationship (hilarious, right?).

But of course, as I started dating again and feeling more comfortable with my sexuality, I got a crush on another female friend and was like uhhhh... what’s happening??? Why??? No? But luckily I’d befriended a girl who felt super comfortable with her own gay status and helped me realize that I was bi. And that was totally valid. In a moment of bravery, I put a status on Facebook that I was bi and never went back. There was pretty much a “so what?” reaction from my friends and family, and as for coming out it actually felt so underwhelming after so long of struggling with my emotions and figuring it all out.

I feel like in recent days, I’m constantly coming out and relish in my bi pride. But it took YEARS to get there.

[positivityforlesbians]

There aren’t “many lesbian characters and relationships in movies and shows” at all... there are actually so few! A lot of characters that are called lesbians are actually canonically bisexual, even if they don’t dare to use the word. And nothing wrong with having bi representation, that’s good too but lesbians and bi women have different experiences so when I’m watching a “lesbian” show/movie and it ends up being bisexual it gets a bit tiring because I can almost never relate to those stories. In almost every wlw love story I’ve ever seen, one or both of the women have relationships with men and I get that’s relatable to many wlw but when it’s the only type of storyline we ever get is... it gets old, idk. I’d love to watch a wlw story with no men involved, no straight sex scenes, no more “married woman cheats on her husband with a girl” or “lesbians break up so one of them goes and has sex with a man to get over the breakup”, no over-sexualization, just 2 women in love with 0 men between them at any point. I’m not saying that having that kind of past is not a common experience for many wlw, I’m just saying it’d be nice to have more exclusively wlw stories and more really lesbian characters. Because in an ideal reality, no lesbian should ever have to be involved with a man, and it’d be nice to see it at least in fiction, for a change. Gentleman Jack was great because Anne Lister was the first lesbian character I ever related to, I wish there were more like her, with no interest or involvement with men in any way ever. I also loved The haunting of bly manor because they handled the story so well and it didn’t feel like the typical “men forced in a wlw story” thing, so it can be done well if only they tried. Anyway I guess what I mean is that we don’t really have many lesbians in fiction, and there are even less wlw stories without men, so I consider we have so little representation and most of it is pretty bad... idk why you all think we have more representation now, we really, sadly don’t. I relate to the other person about not being able to enjoy “lesbian” media because it’s full of straight and unrelatable stuff in between tbh.

Responding to this message daaaaays later but I’m 100% sure I never said that there are many lesbians characters today, rather I said “more”, which is correct considered the fact that when I was a teenager I knew an exact total of one tv show with a lesbian couple, which was Naomi and Emily in Skins second generation (it was also my first lesbian ship, oh how time flies !), while I do agree with you on how there’s too many stories where men are involved and we really need to see more lesbian characters and lesbian relationships were men are nowhere to be seen I don’t think that there are many characters that are called “lesbians but are in fact canonically bisexuals”. For the most part we have characters whose sexual orientation isn’t stated, if there isn’t a clear coming out scene then we have to read between the lines to know what their sexual orientation is. If they have relationships that they enjoy with both men and women then the characters are bi women obviously, though the films/shows will rarely have the word “bisexual” be heard, yes we lack terribly representation of lesbians who call themselves lesbians (and lack just butch representation, that’s the worst of it all) and have zero men attached to their past, you seem to be considering lesbians who did have such a past (that they didn’t enjoy, they didn’t know their sexual orientation right away) as if they are not lesbians at all. I’ll just clear this out again, they aren’t bisexuals. 

There’s a difference between bi women and lesbians who (unconsciously or not) were trying to fit in with society pushing straight relationships on us, I wish this was different but studies show that gay men realize that they’re gay men sooner than lesbians realize that they’re lesbians (if I remember well gay men realize toward 16-17 years old, while lesbians do toward 19-20 years old). That being said yes again we absolutely need more lesbian representation without that past, without men in the vicinity of these characters’ relationships and just us knowing clearly what their sexual orientation are, it would be amazing !! The worst type of shit I saw was that film “The kids are alright”, I never want to see again a married woman cheating her wife with a man “just because”. Gentleman Jack and Bly Manor were indeed both really well written and the representation felt refreshing and Just Right ! 👌 Xx

[siriuslyblack12]

high school paracosm

this might be the start of a mini-series where i share little bits and pieces from my paracosms/paras out of all of my current paracosms, this has the least world-building yet the most character development. it’s my second-oldest and definitely has a special place in my heart (i would literally die for any one of these characters lmaooo). it’s essentially about a group of british high school students dealing with all kinds of angst, drama and a fair amount of happiness.  i’m very scared to post this so we’ll see how it goes.

vanessa pierre

cis woman

bisexual disaster

dating cass johnson 

scouse

bottom set

she’s a natural ginger but dyes it black. blue eyes. white.

funniest person you’ll ever meet

shitty home life (to be specific, her dad left and she hasn’t seen him in years and her mum is addicted to alcohol and drugs. she tries to help her mum, but a lot of the time she has to sleep at cass or ruby’s house, or in the worst circumstances on the street.)

because of this, she always gives spare change or food to homeless people even if she didn’t have much to begin with.

her home did get better after her mum’s new boyfriend daniel checked her into rehab and group therapy to get help. everyone’s trying their best to make it work.

dyes her own hair. it’s part of her aesthetic.

friendship wise, she is closest to ruby. although she loves cass more than she loves herself.

cass johnson

non-binary 

attracted to women but doesn’t really label it.

dating vanessa pierre

top set

light brown hair with an undercut. brown eyes. mixed race.

the literal kindest, most caring and least judgemental

has a good relationship with their parents and 12 year old sister violet who are all very supportive of anything they do. definitely the type of family to  buy out the front row of every concert cass is in.

their biggest passion is musical theatre. a very talented actor and singer, their most notable role being ‘belle’ in the school production of ‘beauty and the beast’ that they also directed.

animals are also another big interest. when they get out of school they want to become a vet to help and care for all kinds of animals, and throughout high school donates any spare change to animal charities.

they’re pretty close with everyone, but particularly ezra and jonah

quite insecure about their body, but masks it with positivity and kindness. 

makes everyone around them happy.

ruby diaz

cis woman

straight and a very big ally

dated jonah blue for a year or so, but currently single

top set, very much what people would label a ‘tryhard’, ‘sweat’ or a ‘nerd’

dark curly hair. freckles. latina.

twin sister of asher diaz

she’s a very empathetic person, more often than not putting everyone else’s needs above her own. this could be to her detriment, but she’s making an effort to balance her own mental health

divorced parents, but she stays positive. goes to her dad’s house on weekends.

she likes to think she doesn’t care, but at heart she’s a hopeless romantic. the biggest shipper of every couple in the school, but particularly her brother asher and cole.

speaking of her brother, it’s one of those dynamics where they play fight constantly but would certainly die for the other

the cutest pet dog lmao

she’s a very outspoken activist, often lecturing her mum and older family members about their implicit biases

closest to vanessa and asher

asher diaz

cis man

gay

dating cole harrison-singh

middle set

dark hair. blue or brown eyes. latino.

twin brother of ruby diaz

coming out was really hard for him, as it is for a lot of queer people. he hated the fact that everyone made it such a big deal, and that they treated it as this big thing even though he’d been feeling this way for as long as he can remember

plays guitar and sings quite well, in the school band

his relationship with cole is tentative, but once they figure out their dynamic they’re extremely cute. we love to see it.

he was more affected by the divorce than his sister, and now feels quite protective over her as a sort of father figure that they no longer really have. definitely some issues he needs to work on.

very athletic

him and ezra are best friend goals, and he’s also obviously close to ruby

jonah blue

cis man

pansexual

dated ruby diaz, but currently dating erin saeli

top set, but one of those people really talented people that can get good grades without breaking a sweat

shaved head. brown eyes. darkskin black man.

his main hobby is swimming and he’s on an elite team that probably trains 6 or 7 times a week. sometimes he finds it hard to juggle that and school and a social life but he could never give it up

art is his hidden talent. mainly because he keeps it personal, but also because no one really expected someone as confident and outgoing as him to enjoy drawing and painting.

he and ruby stayed really good friends even after their breakup

if anything it made them closer 

closest to cass

ezra cheung

trans man

aro/ace

single

bottom set

dark hair. blue eyes. chinese.

he first figured out he was aro/ace when he was about 14/15 and everyone around him started to feel more comfortable in their own sexualities. his friends would talk to him about crushes and he’d just smile and nod.

mental health is something he really struggles with. fitting his life around bad days and episodes is a chore in and of it’s own. 

but he’s trying his best to get the help he needs and reach out to his friends whenever he needs someone to talk to.

would punch transphobes except he’s too nice

closest to asher and cass. him and cass bond over gender and cute kittens.

minor paras:

cole harrison-singh

cis man

gay

dating asher diaz

top set

brown hair. blue eyes. white.

adopted by lesbian mums, lily harrison and naveena singh. these two are an absolute power couple

he and asher met through the school band and he’s a very skilled piano player. despite this, he gets very shy when it comes to performing in front of other people so doesn’t do it often.

experiments with genderless clothing and makeup

just an all around good person

martha quinn

cis woman

straight

single

top set

ginger!! blue eyes and lots of freckles. white.

a teahcer’s pet to her core, would sell anyone out for validation (honestly me too)

doesn’t get along well with any of the other paras, but does warm up to them and make an effort to be a better person eventually. character development

crushed on jonah when he first moved to the school but got over it quite quickly

erin polka

cis woman

bisexual

dating jonah blue

middle set

long dark hair. thai.

works at mcdonalds part time

a girly-girl who is no less amazing and strong than the other women (i will have no internalised misogyny anywhere near me thank you very much)

big introvert. when she does speak or show passion in something you know it’s well thought out and communicated.

very very pretty. if she was real i would date her.