#my justifications for unironically giving barney calhoun a goth girlfriend

[clovenhoofedjester]

so i find the whole "i hope barney is straight and marries a woman" thing really funny because i. Literally. gave him a girlfriend coincidentally just as those posts were popping up

this is my version of lauren. barneys (mostly steady) goth girlfriend. yap session and a no filter version of the art under the cut look at her face details boy

lauren is a bi nb woman. modern day she wouldve identified as a bi lesbian

barney is a bi trans man who uses the term transsexual but he feels very connected to womanhood/sapphic experiences becaauuusseee

he and lauren started dating in early highschool before barney transitioned. they became official after his egg cracked but they were already smooching a lot before that. in his eyes he wasnt always a man and their experimentation was still sapphic to him up until he realized Oh God oh fuck I'm a guy

she helped him pick out his name

she is the only person allowed to call him by feminine terms/pet names because hes stealth. he finds it hot

[lauren w/ barney sitting in her lap] so where do you wanna go for dinner babygirl

[barneys head going completely blank] wgat

she takes him to raves all the time (hence the drawing) and he lowkey hated it at first because he would listen to like exclusively country, 70s classics and oldies but he tolerated it for his woman and now he kind of loves goth music and edm. she still doesnt like when he plays his tom jones cd over. and over. and over. but itsok. she loives him

she was pursuing a bachelor of science in computer science and a minor degree in electrical engineering when barney got the job at black mesa

the most hilarious thing about them and their relationship is that barney keeps fucking fumbling her. theyve broken up multiple times (half of those breakups were from highschool, but still) and all of barneys security guard buddies beat him up over it constantly

"jesus christ i miss her" "werent you the one to break it off this time, cal"

theyre mostly healthy asides from that though. a lot of it was understandable arguments and needing breaks because they are like This Close 🤞

i think barney started crushing on gordon while he wasnt dating lauren because the glasses/stem girly qualities made some wires cross in his brain

she said she was cool w him seeing other people during their break and was open to the idea of polyamory (based lauren she does read leftist theory) but he was still like. Oh my god im3cheating on her with a rattailed nerd im going to hell

the note about him getting her flowers was going to be a gift for her when he decided he was ready to go back to her ☹

but do not fret she survived the initial invasion and everything