#leonardo: no i think there's some valid points being made here

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

*MC is considering canceling plans, and Isaac and Dazai are advising her on what to do*

Isaac: Just don't go.

Dazai: Say you’re ill!

Isaac: Pretend to break your leg.

Dazai: Really break your leg!

[mafaldaknows]

I just don't understand what his team was thinking when they agreed to this stunt. Exactly how does he benefit from it other then being seen as an uber straight grade-A douchebag? Is this really the image his team wants for Timmy? There's just too much talent and potential there to be shamming with a Kartrashian/Jenner.

Hello, Anon:

It’s absolutely mind-boggling what having more money than God can buy in the United States of America these days: New lips, new hips, and a sparkling new image with a shiny new man who apparently doesn’t even need to be present to win.

The KarJenner PR team has been hard at work for the last few months for a classy reboot of baby sister Kylie, complete with a romance with the internet’s boyfriend, style influencer and fashion icon Timothée Chalamet, who also happens to be the greatest actor of his generation. At face value, it certainly does seem like an unlikely match, given the imbalance of (dare I say it?) intellectual curiosity and preternatural talents between them. But anything is possible, when one has more money than one can ever spend in several lifetimes and the other has greater goals and ambitions than his power and influence will allow at this point in his career.

Both parties involved, however directly or indirectly, can find benefit in being in each other’s orbits driveways, taco restaurants, tarmac, in an image-conscious culture ravenous for juicy content just like this.

One of the pair has received a decidedly more positive boost from it.

The other, not so much, perhaps by design.

He may have extremely valid reasons for wanting to promote that particular “douchebag” image, if he really is willingly participating in what appears to be yet another PR romance. His handlers and PR team probably assume that he must do this in order to continue to level up in Hollywood as the next Leonardo DiCaprio. And they are probably right, given the current wave of puritanical bigotry in the USA and elsewhere in the world. There is far too much money riding on the success of his next three potentially blockbuster projects and too many people with a vested interest in his success for them to allow his image to be seen as anything other than “normal” in order to appeal to the mainstream sensibilities of a global audience. His own ambitions most likely make it impossible to refuse.

Can’t knock the hustle. ✨💃🕺🏻✨ And both of them are hustlers. Maybe that’s what they have in common.

If this were truly an authentic romance, we already know that all they would need to do to keep it private is to KEEP IT PRIVATE: Say nothing to the press, don’t call the paparazzi to meet you in the parking lot, don’t alert the media at all. They both have the means and resources to disappear from public view whenever they want, if they really wanted to do that. It’s not a requirement to begin a new relationship with a press release, not even for celebrities.

And yet here we are, a love story loudly announced in a tale of two cars, maybe three, long driveways but park at the bottom where everyone can see, and taco dates with paparazzi who take photos but only with his wingman.

A story which has made it abundantly clear that at least one of them wants to

MAKE SURE EVERYONE NOTICES their super-duper-uber-private budding romance 🚘🌮❣️🌮🚘

I’m not entirely convinced that he’s even an active participant in all of this, TBH. Many of the details thus far don’t add up to much of anything except a lot of black cars being shuffled around in his driveway published by the trash gossip press with sensationalist headlines and articles intended to plant the idea in the minds of those who want to believe it or need to know it’s happening.

For reasons.

And all of this accomplished without a single decent photo as concrete evidence of this alleged romance between two people famously well-versed in the art of the selfie in the golden age of Instagram.

Not even a fan photo or one “leaked” by their team. Nothing, except some extraordinarily grainy outdoor shots in someone’s backyard where the only easily identifiable person is Kylie Jenner and only because of her unusual proportions, in a town teeming with Teemo lookalikes who would happily stand in for the real thing for nothing but the chance to say they did it.

The Devil works hard but Kris Jenner works harder.

Seeing might be believing, but only if we can actually see what we’re seeing.

Thanks for your comment. 🤔🥔📸🎪🫤🤷🏻‍♀️

[koukouture]

So... I sort of made Michelangelo an IkeVamp character...

This is sort of hard to explain, but basically it’s from here where I was complaining about my homework and suddenly I had the idea to make Michelangelo an Ikemen Vampire character but not really since he’s gay. Anyways here are some HCs for him : 

- Internalized Homophobia™ 

- And religious trauma to boot!

- He still thinks that the church had the right idea at the time since what fucking choice did he have????

- Tries to hide his sexuality but everyone knows that he likes men

- He keeps denying it and of course, being in the closet for a hundred years because of your Internalized Homophobia™ isn’t good for you, so he’s also a depressed ass bitch. 

- Michelangelo is the gay kid who grew up in a toxic “catholic” environment and as a result never came out of the closet and hate crimes gay people because of what he was taught to believe

- He didn’t want to die, he felt like he had something to live for, so now he’s a vampire 

- People? Fuck them

- Ok ok ok it’s not that bad, but he still likes being alone 

- I like to think that Jean is like “Dude, you’re valid please don’t put yourself down” 

- And Michelangelo doesn’t fucking trust anyone so he just ignores the LITERAL SAINT who’s telling him that being gay isn’t a sin

- Anyways

- He really likes Leonardo

- Like not just romantically, a lot of artists looked up to him and his works, or the ones that he finished lol

- Though Michelangelo criticizes him a lot he still really respects him

- They were rival artists back in the renaissance actually, I like to think that they still have a bit of friendly competition now lol 

- But he doesn’t talk to him too much outside of those despite his admiration

- He is the one resident that Sebastian literally knows nothing about aside from things he’s heard back in his time 

- Which aren’t very vague, but it leaves a lot of unanswered questions

- MC would be able to get through to him probably, like, as a friend obvs. Michelangelo is very curious as to what has become of the future (and how history remembers him) so MC would probably be the first friend he’s had in a while

- If we’re talking about MC in Leo’s route then he’s play it off and pretend to be happy for them

- Since ya know he thinks that gays shouldn’t be happy

- Yes that includes himself

- If we’re talking MC not in Leo’s route, then things are different

- Michelangelo would want to be her wingman but knows nothing about the other residents having never really interacted with them a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- His route would be a platonic route where you half help him get over his trauma and half help him hook up with Leo

- He would essentially become MC’s big brother/holder of their last brain cell 

- He pretends not to care (not in an over the top tsundere way though, more in the way where he’s more likely to hurt your feelings by accident) but he REALLY FUCKING CARES 

Anyways here are some HCs of him with Leo since that’s like the only reason he exists lmao

- I feel like he’d still be kind of cold

- Just because he doesn’t know how to process his emotions

- Thank god Leo knows what he’s doing or else Angelo would NEVER make a move

- Cute little nicknames constantly thrown around

- Leo calls him angel a lot while Angelo just sticks with caro mia because he’s dumb

- For two renaissance geniuses they sure are fucking dumbasses 

- They paint each other, of course they do

- Usually it’s Angelo who does the painting or drawing (and even sculpting if they both have the time) since Leo is too busy with his fifty other talents to paint his boyfriend

- Now, I know what ya’ll are thinking 

- “Ate Kouryuu, but where’s the whore knee? Where’s the spice? They paint each other naked right?”

- And to that I will respond “Of course they paint each other naked. What the fuck is the point of gay renaissance artists if they don’t paint each other nude and leave it unfinished bc they started banging” 

- Ok I didn’t mention this before but you can probably tell with the pictures that Angelo has a cinched waist and legs so long he couldn’t fit on the cover of Vogue

- I’ll just leave that there for your imaginations ;)

- I’m joking we embrace the Horny™ here

- Of course Angelo’s the bottom, why wouldn’t he be? 

- Idk why but Leo seems like he has a high sex drive so good luck Angelo

- Leo is pretty much free to leave hickeys everywhere lol

- Angelo isn’t wearing it but he’s the guy that owns like eight identical turtlenecks so he can hide them and just say that it’s his fashion sense

- They’re like an old married couple, think like Macha Blossom. Yeah. 

- Constantly at each other's throats but they still love each other 

(such a shitty end to this post but I just wanted to get over with this) 

[piccolina-mina]

I have very mixed feelings about the sudden policing of shows and movies for casting “teen” romantic leads whose actors have an age difference. Whether you like it or not, this is how Hollywood works.

Yes, adults are usually cast to play teens to get around working hours, child labor laws and schooling. Yeah, there is something to say about the disproportionate casting of mostly older guys as teens when casting actual teens as female leads.

And yeah, in the past 40 years of film and television some of it has been downright disturbing, but there’s the almost irksome tone policing that’s happening now where we’re hyper-critical of works where romantic leads have real life age differences between actors, even when the actors are both legal, and even when the characters they’re playing don’t have an age gap. 

And people being told they can’t promote or enjoy a work’s in canon love story because of the age difference between the actors portraying the characters. And even comparing or accusing shows who happen to have this type of casting and who have a love story as essentially peddling kiddie/philia, and I just cannot … I can’t. Sorry. No.

Things aren’t taken into consideration such as typically an entire story may be written before casting even happens. Sometimes casting the right person for the role will include someone who isn’t the same age as the character. This is how the acting field functions, and within reason, this is something that all actors, including the young ones and their parents are aware of etc.

I do find it interesting and have noticed an unfortunate pattern that folks are particularly critical of this when it comes to young actors of color as romantic leads, and it doesn’t sit well. Because while the concerns are valid and shouldn’t be discounted, only being this consistently vocal about it to the point of policing fandom and chastising and discouraging fans from daring to enjoy a ship between the CHARACTERS … there’s a lot to unpack there too.

I’ve seen this recently with Never Have I Ever. Maitreyi Ramakrishen is 18, and Darren Barnet is 29. Yeah, no lie, it is hella weird even within the context of the show because of Devi actively seeking out a physical relationship and also Darren LOOKS like a 30 year old man.

I saw it with The Sun is Also a Star with Yara Shahidi and Charles Melton who are like a decade apart in age. But was something I didn’t notice while watching at least.

But I’m also seeing this with Julie and the Phantoms. The show could not get more wholesome and chaste. The romance between Julie and Luke is innocent pining, but folks are still super worked up about Madison being 16 and Charles being 21, and you would think the characters got it on with no clothes in the backseat of a Volvo or something. And I’m just trying to understand what the guidelines are now.

Because there are DEFINITELY some fkd up and problematic age gaps. Brooke Shields’ mother basically p*mped her daughter out doing films like Pretty Baby. It’s grotesque and should be criminal. She was 14 doing s*x scenes. Simonetta Stefanell was 16 doing them and playing Al Pacino’s wife in The Godfather. Kristen Stewart, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Lawrence, Dakota Fanning (ironically with Stewart) and more have definitely been in some questionable roles doing questionable things with questionable age differences.

But then, specifically teen stuff we’ve collectively enjoyed is open to critique, no doubt, but it’s also not dissected the same way or has the same expectations? And I don’t know.

No one batted an eye over 19 year old Tyler Posey paired with 26 year old Crystal Reed, and it definitely didn’t discourage anyone from enjoying their ship…

Trina Mcgee was 28 when she started playing Angela Moore on Boy Meets World and was even expecting at some point, and Rider was 17, but we weren’t discouraged from enjoying Shawngela (because of that anyway 😒).

Mila Kunis was 15 on That 70s Show with a 20 year old Ashton Kutcher.

Selena Gomez was 16 and Drew Seeley was 26 in Another Cinderella Story.

Andrea in the original BH90210 was in her 30s.

Taylor Momsen was 13 on Gossip Girl (still weird AF casting choice honestly) With 19 and 22 year olds over time.

Claire Danes was 14 to Leonardo Dicaprio’s 22 in Romeo and Juliet. And to 21 year old Jared Leto (which eww) in My So Called Life.

Lyndsy Fonseca was 14 with a 25 year old costar playing teen love interest on Y&R

Peyton Kennedy was like 15 with Sydney Sweeney being 22 years old in Everything S*cks.

Mischa Barton was 17 The O. C. with 24 year old Ben Mckenzie.

And Sasha Pieterse was 14 made out with 23 year old Shay Mitchell in PLL.

Cobra Kai, which is two seasons in now, has a love triangle between Sam, Mary Mouser who is 24, Diego, Xolo who is 19, and Tanner Buchanan who is 21.

I’m not arguing that people shouldn’t feel some kind of way about some casting choices or aren’t entitled to feel a certain way about this. I’m not even arguing that Hollywood doesn’t have an issue here because they clearly do as evidenced by examples above.

But I’m just genuinely trying to understand where we’re expected to be as consumers and fans of fictional works, characters, and relationships (again, within reason) if we’re not allowed (by public opinion and fandom space) to enjoy the fictional stories and relationships, romantic or otherwise because of casting choices…

Because I’ll admit, Devi and Paxton on Never Have I Ever was distracting as hell because Darren has like crow’s feet and everything and doesn’t pass as a teenager even by the absurd tv standards, so I couldn’t get into the pairing.

But I’ve been a diehard Shawngela fan for years, and that age gap between the actors didn’t deter me back then and it still doesn’t now.

And imagine my surprise when I bingewatched one of the most wholesome shows of this godforsaken year only to discover it’s now wrong to enjoy two adorable teens singing to each other lovingly and hugging because apparently there’s a five year age gap between the actors playing them and therefore it’s problematic to like the fictional pairing.

Like, I guess this is controversial, but Tumblr, I’m tired.

[aurora-the-kunoichi]

The Forgotten - Part Three

Here is part three of The Forgotten

Here it is in its entirety 

The Aquarium 

Raphael had always been….overwhelming, the one to leave her breathless, boneless and tied up in knots after a rough session of love making.  He knew what buttons to press, the right pressure to touch at just the right places. Raphael was a master of breaking down walls and getting exactly what he wanted by making Aurora realize she wanted the very same thing. This Raphael was no different.

Aurora could feel her heart in her chest as his sinful lips found the pulse point bringing the skin into his mouth and sucked until the blood vessels burst. As he continued to molest the skin in his mouth Raphael’s left hand moved to her backside gripping the apple of ass and squeezed. Aurora tried; she really did, but found it impossible to stop the moan escaping between her parted lips. Memories flooded back as he pressed her into the side of building with his immense frame while licking at the now red mark that spread across her skin.

Raphael did this regularly when they were hers and hers alone. He’d mark her mostly in the mornings when they’d get a few moments alone and he take the first fuck of the day and the subtle mark on her neck would remind Fearless that he had, had their kunoichi first. It was a game the alphas played on the regular always trying to one up each other which Aurora didn’t mind being the object of their attentions. Being on the receiving end of their insatiable sex drive was something she would never complain about. Mike and Don were nearly as bad but they tended to be a little more submissive to her.

“Raphael.”

“That’s so fuckin’ pretty, say it again.” Raphael husked pressing his knee between her thighs to widen her stance. “Why the fuck do I want ya so bad? Like I’ve been starving for years and you’re the only thing to satisfy my hunger?”

Aurora fought with her body as it responded favorably to his impatient treatment. Her hands shook reaching for the rim of his shell and willed herself not to pull him closer but to keep him at bay. She had to get her libido under control, this was not her Raphael. She took a deep breath and pushed; the mouth that was sampling the column of her throat was detached and growled its warning of displeasure.  

It was now she could hear his labored breathing as the disconnect from his body allowed some of her senses to return. Even in the low light Aurora could see his pupils dilated, Raphael’s ravenous sex drive was in full gear and his sights were locked in on the kunoichi. She needed to be quick and utilize all of her tricks because despite the throb between her legs Aurora wasn’t going to give him what he wanted and she could tell he really wanted it.

“Come girly, I can smell ya, I know you want this too. And if we’ve fucked before I know ya can take me.” The eager mutant moved forward again his hands searching to reclaim the roundness of her backside.

Aurora jumped gripping the lip of the roof’s overhang and lifted up and out of range of those gifted three fingered hands. Her legs spread clearing his towering height and using her stomach muscles reared back and launched herself over the mutant landing just behind him.

Raphael fist slammed into the wood siding and whirled around with a manic smile widening over his scarred lips. “Playin hard to get huh? That’s ok cause I love the thrill of the chase. When I catch ya I’m gonna make you scream my name and mark you inside and out. That way Fearless will know who had ya first.” Just then the brute stopped his forward motion and blinked eyeing Aurora carefully. “I’m havin déjà vu right now, like I’ve said those words before. But Leo and I have never…….”

He looked confused running his hand over his scalp before clamping both hands over his skull grunting in pain. “God my skull, it hurts all of a sudden.”

Aurora took the moment of his distraction and kicked the solid turtle in the chest sending him back on his shell. With the quickness of her training she moved over the enormous turtle and pressed under his left arm pit and above his plastron to the right of his clavicle, right where she needed to immobilize the deadly terrapin. The mutant hissed in discomfort as his body succumbed to the pressure points and every muscle in his cumbersome frame let go of its tension leaving him helpless to the tempting woman.

Despite his arms and legs useless his lips still worked just fine, “Ain’t you full of fuckin’ surprises. Pressure points, I’ve only seen Leo use those. Looks like I seriously underestimated your abilities. I promise that won’t happen again. That is unless you plan on killin me beautiful.”

Aurora straddled his hips and leaned down settling her elbows on his chest and her head in her hands. “It’s Aurora, and don’t worry handsome those pressure points will wear off in about 15 minutes. I don’t want you dead I just wanna have a few words. You are having déjà vu because you and Leonardo have both had me, but so has Mikey and Donnie.” Saying his name out loud still hurt but the furrowing brows and a grunt of pain that came from Raphael indicated his brain was trying to access the suppressed memories. “You and Fearless would play a game practically every day. It was called ‘Who fucked the kunoichi first.’ It was a game I enjoyed being included in. You see, I know a lot about you. I know you’re just a little bigger then Leo with a slight curve to the left. You have a long scar that runs from the top of your thigh down to your knee. I know that you love your adonis line stroked.” Her right hand disappeared between them dipping under his waistband to find the well defined line of muscle just under his plastron connecting to his groin.

The immobilized turtle tried tilting his hips up into her fingers as they ran the length of the line coming to a stop just before his cock. “Fuck!” his head dropped back to the tar roof and rumbled as her fingers moved down bypassing the rock hard rod of flesh and the hanging green globes. “Ah come on!”

Aurora leaned down ghosting her lips over his, the tip of her tongue darted out running along his lower lip and he leaned up to catch the appendage sucking it into his mouth. She allowed it briefly having her first taste of Raphael in years. She opened her mouth and swept her tongue into his mouth giving him a deep kiss and broke free. “I also know your little kink.” The pad of her finger ran just under the green sacks tracing the line of flesh just under them. “I know when you get head you love to get your prostate massaged.” Just then her finger ran over the puckered entrance and the brute gasped as the soft pad of her finger pressed against the flesh just enough to make him groan.

“Fucking impossible…ugghh…..fuck……”

“I know every inch of your body Raph.” Her hand moved up again and the palm of her hand finally gave him the attention the mutant had been craving and gripped the pulsing cock firmly. Aurora closed her eyes and slowed her breathing, this was getting way out of hand but she needed his attention, his full attention and she had it now for sure. “As much as I want to ride you until we’re both sweaty and satisfied…”

“Please, dear gods, please do blondie.”  

“Your boss isn’t who you think he is Raphael. Bishop took you from me, from the resistance and put something in your bodies to make you obedient.” Her fingers slid down to the base of his shaft and twisted just the way he liked it. “And you Raphael are anything but obedient.

“Fu—hck….What the fuck are you talkin about? Fuckin shell, just-t like that!”

“It’s small and metal or some kind of alloy, we’re not sure. It moves around your body somehow keeping you and your brothers under his control. Keeping millions under his control.” Her hand released his cock and Aurora leaned up much to Raphael’s displeasure.

“I ain’t got nothing in my body controlling me. I ain’t no one’s puppet!”

“Oh I know.  You’re not one to take orders, at least without questioning their validity first. It was the main theme of yours and Leo’s fights. But why do you think it hurts when you try to remember? Why you and your brothers are drawn to me? Why the name Donnie pulls at something deep inside you? You had another brother but he disappeared and we had no idea what happened to him. It still haunts us to this day. Can you remember anything prior to five years ago? Your childhood?” Suddenly out of the corner of her eye Aurora could see his finger twitch, it was time to leave.

Her fingers rested on his chest and ran over the hard lines letting out a shaky breath and stood.

“Hey, wait! Where ya going? You can’t leave me like this? Fuckin tease!”

Aurora moved off of him and took a few steps back edging the shadows of the roof. “The feeling is coming back in your body and I can’t be here when it does. I’ll be seein you red…” And with that she disappeared from his view and began her escape listening to the roar of her name fade with the distance.

She didn’t stop; Aurora ran and ran bypassing home base just in case he would take chase. She wouldn’t take any more chances; she did enough of that tonight. Keeping to the darkness Aurora slipped below the streets and made the trek to her own personal hideout.

The lair had been abandoned shortly after Bishop earned his edge in the war. The turtles and Aurora moved to the resistance’s hideout to stay close to the news and the help. So the lair was still only known to a select few. Since the five original tenants were either gone or unable to remember its location only Aurora, Casey and April knew of its existence.

Aurora made a trip to the lair at least once a month to make sure everything was running and that it was still stocked just in case of emergencies. Just in cases the resistance fell and they needed a new place to lay low.

The vacant rooms still hurt to look at, Donnie’s lab sat with abandoned machines and projects never to be finished again. The room with the rice paper doors had been missing its owner for the longest. Running her fingers along the teak wood frame Aurora pushed it open and kneeled at the opening. In the middle of the room was a beautiful ornate Japanese table and sat upon it was a green urn filled with the remains of Master Splinter.

“Good evening Sensei, I know it’s been a while since I’ve visited but I figured you’d like an update on your sons. I had a run in with Raph this evening; he didn’t try to kill me this time so that was a bonus. I had to use a few of my tricks to get him to listen but I think I might have moved a few brain cells around a bit. I..may have kissed him but it was unavoidable. “Her eyes lifted to the vessel and let out a heavy sigh. “Ok maybe it wasn’t but….it’s been so long and I was weak. He did have something interesting to say. Supposedly I have been a regular topic of conversation with those three. That’s something I guess.” Getting back to her feet Aurora bowed. “Sensei.”

She moved about the lair until she entered their room looking at the giant makeshift bed. She remembered the day Mikey had suggested the consolidation of their sleeping arrangements. He had been so proud of himself he was simply beaming from ear to ear.

“What the fuck did ya do shell for brains?” Raphael was circling the massive arrangement of mattresses, blankets and pillows. Even though he was a bit annoyed Aurora could see the wheels spinning in his head.

Mikey took a few steps back and rushed his creation grabbing Aurora as he went. Aurora screamed in shock as the youngest hurtled her and him onto the mass with a very comfortable collision of bedding. “No more fighting over who gets to sleep with Rora. Now it’s just gonna be a giant turtle pile with her in the middle.”

Leo stood in the doorway with his massive arms crossed over his chest; his face was unreadable as he watched Mikey molest Aurora with his signature enthusiasm.

“I don’t usually say this but…..” Donnie was right next to Leo but his expression was much more readable. The big toothy grin widened and the genius followed the two into the bed helping Mikey strip the kunoichi of her clothes. “This is probably the best idea you’ve ever had Mike.”

“Leo! Raph!” Aurora squealed mock fighting off two of her lovers. “Are you gonna just sit there and let them take advantage of me like this?”

The two alphas finally found each other’s gaze and stepped from their positions. Raphael rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck while Leo slipped a kunai from his thigh holster.

“It looks like you two are taking way too long to rid her of her clothes. I think you need to let a master take over.”

Raphael moved with Leo and lunged, “Not if I get to her first Fearless.”

The introduction to the new bed was christened with their first fivesome leaving Aurora walking a little funny the next few days. She still found it unbelievable she was once in a relationship with four mutant turtles. Aurora remembered how good it was and how amazing each of them were to her. Something that good wasn’t meant to last. Life could be so cruel sometimes, a taste of heaven before it was ripped from her grasp.  

Aurora crawled into the bed and pulled the covers over herself. The interaction with Raph had left her shaken and emotionally drained, something she was not expecting for the nights events. She had nearly given in to his advances and that worried her. But then again the closer he got and the longer he was in close proximity he seemed to lose more and more control. As she mentioned things from his past Raph’s head began to hurt as if the memories were trying to resurface. Maybe she should have given in?

Their scent had left the room long ago but the indents from their shells remained. Her fingers trailed along the massive divots imagining their slumbering bodies just next to her. She imagined Raphael turning to her and his honey eyes opening to find her staring at him.

“Can’t sleep?”

“I’m just imagining you guys here with me.” Her hand reached out and ran her palm across his cheek smiling as he leaned into the touch. “I miss you.”

Raphael moved closer running his fingers through Aurora’s hair gripping the back of her skull gently, “We may not realize it but we miss you too. But I’m hopin’ you guys can figure those fuckin little things out. I wanna come home; we wanna come home to you.”

“We’re working on it I promise. It’s just gonna take a little longer without Don here to head the charge. We’ll get you home; we’ll get all of you home or die trying.”

“Nah Rora don’t do that. I can’t fuck you into next year when I’m free of this bullshit if you’re dead. You need to stay alive and strong cause this isn’t gonna get easier, it’s only gonna get harder.” Raphael leaned in giving her his signature smirk. “Speaking of harder….”

Aurora closed her eyes and waited, but like all of her other day dreams those lips never came. No arms came to claim her. By the time she opened her eyes Raphael was gone and his indent cold as death. Tears began to form in her eyes as she stared at where bulky terrapin had just been laying.  She was tired, so fucking tired.

The next thing Aurora knew, she was being jolted awake to the com flush in her ear blowing up with a familiar worried voice.

“Base to White Skull, base to White Skull. Where the fuck are you!?” April’s angry voice boomed in her ear. Just under the irritation Aurora could hear the fear in the back of her throat clawing at her subconscious praying her friend wasn’t captured or worse….. dead.

She must have fallen asleep, poor April had enough to worry about. Pressing the com in her ear Aurora yawned and replied quickly, “This is White Skull to base. My apologies I had an unannounced visit from Red Bear. I was unsure if I was being followed so I took refuge in the aquarium just in case. I didn’t want to compromise the base just in case he had gotten the best of me.”

“Are you alright?” April’s voice instantly softened understanding the code words and knowing she was safe.

Aurora let out a heavy sigh and nodded to mostly herself, “Yeah I’m ok, I must have fell asleep. I’ll return at dawn.”

“Be careful White Skull, I…..we’ll see you in a few hours. Over and out.”

As the com went cold Aurora sat up pushing the blankets from her body. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes she made her way to the kitchen for something to drink.

The genius’s sewage powered generator was still working like a dream. As long as the human race still occupied New York City there would always be an endless amount of human waste. Donnie had figured out a way to harness that power and turn it into unlimited power for the Lair. The lights remained functional, along with all the kitchen appliances as well as the bathrooms. God she missed him.

The fridge was the least supplied appliance. It held perishables and in a secret lair uninhabited most of the time it was unwise to keep it stocked with items that would go bad quickly. The freezer held most of the food and the fridge held water, pop and butter.

Pulling out a bottle of water she cracked the top and downed the whole contents in one gulp.

“Fuck!” Aurora growled throwing the now empty bottle in the trash. “My thermos! Now I gotta go get it.”

Just then a burst of light from Donnie’s lab distracted Aurora from her lost item. In a flash her hands went the hilts of her katana and unsheathed them with a low sing. Her feet made no sound as the kunoichi made her way to the partly closed door currently displaying a spectacular show of multi colors.

She could hear electricity snap and crackle and a low hum of some kind as the light show pulsed faster and faster. As she reached the partially open door to Donatello’s lab Aurora peered through the crack and felt her heart stop and burst all at the same time.

Her katanas slipped from her grip clattering to the ground at her feet. In a hurried burst of energy her fingers found the edge of the metal doors and pushed with all her might.

“DONNIE!?”

@imthegreenfairy88​ @alonia143​ @ravn-87​ @waterstar2016​ @tmnt-bucklover​

[belle-keys]

Here’s me roasting some foreign language literature

2/7 of my final exams are finished so I will be roasting all of the Spanish and French literature books that I studied over the last two years, ranking them in order of how much they should have existed in the first place, uwu.

Spoiler: I have no idea what I’m talking about.

8. Pays-Mêles and Nanna-Ya by Maryse Condé.

Main idea: Men are trash.

Synopsis and Review: Two novellas about the legacy of colonialism in the French and English Caribbean. Umm, women suffer a lot, racism exists, rich kids are treated like breeding mares, guys beat girls a lot, everyone’s life is kinda suckish. I... I think that’s it, lmao. I swear I’d rather die than ever have to reread these stories beyond for my exams. I just can’t tell you what the point was. This was painful, but Condé raises important questions concerning négritude and the partiarchal nature of Caribbean society so I can’t give this nothing.

Rating: 1/5

7. El coronel no tiene quien la escriba by Gabriel García Márquez.

Main idea: Go vegan.

Synopsis and Review: This was almost as bad as Condé, but it’s not last because I have a special fondness for Colombia and Colombian history, and I also love seeing la mujer stick it to el coronel. It lowkey reminds me of my parents. I, personally, as a being, would have curried the rooster a long time ago but not everything is about me. A lot of absolute nothing happens in this book and I won’t pretend otherwise. It’s just a lot of old people basking in their own futility and impending death. It’s borderline painful except for one scene where el coronel thinks he’s talking to a dead guy out of nowhere. That was fun. Also, screw Sabas.

Rating: 1.25/5

6. Un Papillon dans la Cité by Gisèle Pineau.

Main idea: Diasporic life is overrated.

Synopsis and Review: Okay, a kid narrates this book and it was kind of annoying for me. But, all that happens is that Félicie goes to France and realizes that it ain’t shit and that she misses her Grandma. It’s basically 5 chapters long, but there’s admittedly some commentary and subtext about why white countries aren’t the Promised Land and also, the writing style was sometimes interesting to me. That being said, I lost a lot of hours on this book.

Rating: 1.75/5

5. Une Si Longue Lettre by Mariama Bâ.

Main idea: Disappointed but not surprised.

Synopsis and Review: So our resilient Senegalese queen Ramatoulaye is writing a letter to her BFF as they discuss exactly how their husbands have (repeatedly) failed them. Basically, Ramatoulaye’s husband got a second wife behind her back who happens to be a girl that’s his teen daughter’s age i.e. the daughter’s friend. Ramatoulaye says “screw it” and decides to just be completely independent from him. Now, this is the most interesting thing about the story... the details about their childhood and the political background of the country didn’t interest me as much. Anyway, the hubby dies which triggers Ramatoulaye to write the letter. Whoop.

Rating: 3/5

4. Cuentos de Eva Luna by Isabel Allende.

Main idea: Only women deserve rights.

Synopsis and Review: This is an anthology of short stories about ~the human experience~ and features a lot of feminist rhetoric, commentary on European imperialism, humanity, power dynamics, and love. And sex. Lots of fade-to-black-the-CW-type sex scenes that we had to discuss with our teachers, lmao (save me). Anyways, the stories we zoned in on were beautiful and empowering even despite their conciseness. Nonetheless, my issue with this book is the *ahem* magical realism. Eye- okay, listen, I get that the stylistic choices of Allende are to create a fable-like reading experience for the reader, to enchant them, whatever, but for me, personally, sometimes her writing style in these stories comes across as a wee bit pretentious. Maybe that’s the whole point but I found myself cringing enough to remember this detail.

Rating: 4/5

3. Bodas de sangre by Federico García Lorca.

Main idea: Woe is me! *snatches babe*

Synopsis and Review: I love this play so much, I almost put it second actually. My sole qualm with it is that everyone is so fricking extra in this bitch that I’m like “stop lamenting to the moon and start stabbing each other please!”, but other than that, this is exquisite solely because it’s full of drama and angst. Mutual pining, cheating, forbidden romance, secrecy, discourse on the validity of the bride’s virginity? It’s all there, bud. Leonardo is a bit of a bitchass but I imagine him as a hot Enrique-looking ass type guy so I can’t really blame the bride. Out of all the main characters on this list, I only want to fight Leo slightly less than the MC of my #2 pick.

Rating: 4.5/5

2. Les Mains Sales by Jean-Paul Sartre.

Main idea: Eat the rich.

Synopsis and Review: Okay, Hugo is the biggest bitchass of all time, but like, he humors me with it, okay. Olga is the baddest HBIC ever, and Jessica deserves better. Anyways, the discourse on power and politics and capitalism through pure dialogue was enough to hook me yet not overwhelm me. The constant foiling, and every passive-aggressive conversation between Hugo and Jessica was worth the 8 weeks of studying it. The ending made the entire story even better than it already was. Everything in this play boils down to “I’m insecure and I wanna die but then I wouldn’t be able to fight the bourgeoisie so what now?”.

Rating: 5/5

1. La Casa en Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros.

Main idea: You can run, but you can’t hide (from yourself).

Synopsis and Review: This is so beautiful that I didn’t even need to take this book in 2020 yet I still think about it all the time. It’s the most lovely in-school book I’ve read in secondary school. This is a book that’s meant to be read only in Spanish, because the translations of the vignettes aren’t done any justice in English. Anyway, it’s a collection of short stories and vignettes about Esperanza, a young chicana girl in Chicago dealing with her internal, familial, and cultural issues. It’s hella freaking inspiring so go learn the Spanish language and read it. Now.

Rating : 6/5

Anyway... I’ll miss some lit classes. But not all.

[sprinkledonion-blog]

Another real long “I don’t like Bumbleby” post (Part 1)

So this one was a long time coming. I kept postponing it, polishing it, making it look the nicest I could, but it’s finally here. And it’s quite long. Let’s just, uh, start.

The first thing I wanna say is, I watched RWBY without interacting with the FNDM, just at the start of this year. I didn’t know what Bumbleby was, nor its impact in the overall FNDM. I was blissfully unaware of what was going on, so I dived in with a clean, open mind.

First impressions and development (or the lack thereof)

I didn’t think about Bumbleby. For those who know me, I ship characters VERY easily and I don’t really care if it’s a gay, het, lesbian ship, I can and I WILL ship them. I shipped Ruby and Penny like crazy. Ruby and Emerald made my heart jump. Jaune and Ren looked insanely cute together, and Sun and Weiss had very nice potential. And in V2, in the Burning the Candle episode, when Yang had a heartfelt conversation with Blake, and hugged her, I was like “oh?”. It was the first time I had seen Yang this vulnerable, and while I really ignored her through the first volume, this scene made me realize she was more than it meets the eye. And she chose to be vulnerable… with Blake. Oh?

Then Blacksun happened. Oh.

I didn’t like Blacksun. I still don’t like it. It’s predictable and boring for my tastes. But it has a privilege Bumbleby doesn’t: development. 

I will never understand this choice. Barb said it was planned from the beginning. The question is, then: why didn’t y’all spend time developing Bumbleby? Bees will tell me it was developed, but I’ll suggest y’all to take off your rose-colored glasses and revise those interactions. I totally understand the warm, fuzzy feeling when your ship talk, even look at each other (my ships are 99% rareships so I take what I can get), but deep down you know reality isn’t like that. I’ve seen the 40-minute essay about Bumbleby; yes, you can attribute to every interaction a romantic feeling, but I can do the exact same with Jaune and Ren, and fans will roll their eyes at me and tell me it isn’t like that. The only remotely romantic interaction was the whole Burning the Candle episode. It was a nice episode. 

“But Onion”, y’all will say, “are you going to ignore V3 onwards? The plot completely ties Blake and Yang together”. Same as Blake and Sun. Yes, Yang lost an arm for Blake, and yes, she feels betrayed and everything, but… why should I think it’s romantic? Blacksun is being developed at the same time, following common romance tropes that apply to the rest of canon ships, so why should I think it’s any different? Yang could have lost an arm for Weiss and I have no doubt she’d have felt the same. (I also think Weiss would have called her and checked on her every day, until Yang even heard her in dreams.) 

That brings me to my second point. Let’s trust Barb, it was planned from the beginning. Then what was Blacksun supposed to be? “It makes the point that romantic relationships don’t always work and sometimes it’s better to stay as friends.” Valid point, but… Blake? Sun? Why did you keep at it? Blake, why did you kiss him on the cheek? That’s misleading, for the audience I mean (Sun already knows the script). When I friendzoned guys, and when the girls I know friendzoned guys, absolutely none of them kissed the dude on the cheek. The most they did was give a pat on the back or shoulder. Let me know if it’s an American thing to kiss guys you friendzone, because maybe it’s the cultural barrier that keeps me from understanding “yes, they’re friends and nothing more!”. 

And yes, I know Sun told Neptune it was never about that. What was it about then, Sun? Were you trying to get Weiss’ attention by making her jealous? Were you trying to get Blake to paid for the food? I don’t buy that Sun explicitly flirted with her just to be friends. Else I’m an alien and it’s my second day on Earth, or Sun tried to convince himself to feel less pain. Or who knows? Maybe he really was flirting with her to be friends. Maybe he flirted with Neptune too. Writers, give us proper answers. And no, FNDM, filling in the story holes with “show don’t tell, there’s a logical explanation for it” is still fanon and doesn’t count as canon. Show don’t tell is a rule, not an excuse.

Anyways, after the whole coming and going, Sun finally leaves the scene for Bumbleby to thrive on sudden romantic interactions, which are a little late at most. It’s confusing. Yang never felt jealous when Blake showed attraction to Sun. They didn’t choose to clearly spend time together, at least with the “we’re partners” excuse. I’ll delve into this point later, but for now: we had Blacksun, suddenly we have Bumbleby, and we’re supposed to have been cheering for them the whole time. Uhm, was this supposed to be a plot twist? 

Okay, I may be biased on this one, but listen to me. I don’t like this kind of plot twist. Oh, we have a heterosexual couple… OR SO YOU THOUGHT! THE TRUTH IS THAT THE LESBIANS ARE CANON! WE’VE TRICKED YOU, WHAT MADMEN WE ARE!

Get it? My problem isn’t that Blacksun isn’t canon. My problem is that the writers are using a wlw relationship as a tool, a surprise, manipulating and tricking the audience. It doesn’t feel genuine--it feels like they just wanted to cause controversy--or sell. At the end of the day, Bumbleby is way more popular than Blacksun, and a big part of the FNDM came for the bees. Don’t y’all ever wonder why voice actors don’t talk as much about other characters, or Ruby herself? The main main character? 

Let’s bee honest: at this point in time, the biggest thing keeping RWBY afloat is Bumbleby.

“And what’s the problem with all that?”, bees may ask. “What’s wrong with feeding us some good bees?” Ship whatever you want, y’all. But I don’t like getting ships shoved down my throat and treated as peak LGBT+ representation when it didn’t get the time and treatment it deserved. Not all that glitters is gold, guys. (Especially Yang.)

Racism

Oh boy.

Racism is quite the great deal in Remnant… at least that’s what the show tells us. It doesn’t show it. No, Velvet doesn’t need to get stones thrown at her to show us discrimination. But, you know… if there was discrimination, I don’t think she would be in Beacon in the first place. Or that Leonardo would be the headmaster of Haven… Adam Taurus, pack your things and go home; there’s no faunus discrimination worth the fight. (Wait! Don’t go yet, you still have work to do.)

What does racism has to do with Bumbleby?, you may ask. Well, it’s Blake’s main plot. I think it has a lot to do with Bumbleby… but uh, it seems I was wrong. Yang isn’t interested in it, so I guess it’s just Blake’s problem. Until uh, Adam makes a scene, but that doesn’t have much to do with the fact he’s a faunus. It’s still pretty distasteful of a human to kill a faunus, but I’ll tackle that point a bit later.

Blake’s faunity? is very important to her. If she’s an important person to Yang, why doesn’t Yang show interest in it? She didn’t even defend Velvet, even though she could have punched Cardin in the face. She sits around sighing “It must be hard to be a faunus” and annoys Blake with a lighter. This only shows me Yang doesn’t care about Blake’s identity, and not in a good way. 

I know, I know, I take the faunus issue to heart. It must be because I’m a person of color. I could talk hours and hours about the horrendous execution of faunus racism (reinforcing stereotypes, horrible analogies and really unfortunate implications), but I’ll limit myself to Blake for now.

Yang doesn’t care. She’s not one bit interested in reading faunus’ history, in asking Blake about her experiences, in thinking how she could help as a human. She’s like those people who say “I’m blind to race” as if it were a good thing. Yeah, you don’t discriminate, but you dismiss other people’s culture and background. It’s part of who we are. Some of us will take it better, some of us worse, but acknowledging Blake’s identity in this case could do wonders. That way Yang could show interest in her as a person, her motives to fight, her struggle. 

But she didn’t. In fact, she did quite the contrary.

Bonus: I’ve recently seen a… hysterical headcanon. As it turns out, some bees were excited at the idea of Blake getting branded and Yang going berserk, later saving all the faunus in the mine. It was supposedly justified by “faunus needed a reason to respect her” and of course, Bumbleby angst. Do I need to point out the White Savior trope and how blatantly racist and harmful it is? Do I really need to? Considering faunus are supposed to represent the civil rights movement? Especially knowing Adam’s previous treatment? If faunus were explicitly Black, this would be… well, this is a disaster, but it gets swept under the rug. As a woman of color, this headcanon just makes me want to cry.

I think I’ll have to divide it into two parts so it doesn’t get too heavy. Part 2 is here. 

[cristian-capulet]

Hole In My Heart [Cris & Leo]

Who: Cristian and Leonardo Capulet

What: Meet to have a talk after their less than stellar run in the week prior. 

Where: Park

When: 11AM on February 8th

Summary: Seeking closure, Cristian invites Leo to have a chat with him in a public space after their fight the week prior, and running into each other again the night after. More information comes to light that leads Cristian to make some suggestions to Leo about his future, and instead of shutting Leonardo entirely out of his life, Cristian ends up finding himself offering to help.

Warnings: Mention of PTSD, mental health discussion.

Leo fidgeted with his tie and collar as he walked through the park. He was still in a bit of disbelief at the fact that he was even here. Cris had asked him to talk, but... did he even deserve a chance to speak to him? No. No he didn't, but he had the opportunity, and damn if he didn't want a chance to see Cristian again. As he got closer, he saw Cristian there waiting for him, and he slowed slightly as he closed the distance between them. With a coffee in hand, he took a deep breath before stopping next to the bench. "Hey..." He said in greeting, it was weak, but any of his familiar greetings with him wouldn't be welcome anymore. "Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long."

Inviting Leo to chat hadn’t been easy for the submissive. He was still incredibly angry and betrayed, but knew it stemmed from just how strong his love for Leo had been when they’d been together. How much he admittedly still cared... Cristian hoped if anything perhaps conversing with Leonardo would offer some form of closure for himself— realizing he had questions and emotions he wanted answered and validated... just not on the spot in a grungy men’s bathroom at a bar. He felt... more composed now. Ready to talk and figure out what went wrong. Or... at least that’s what he’d told himself prior to texting the invitation to Leo. The submissive had spent the morning in a tizzy, and had been fumbling with a long empty coffee cup for a solid twenty minutes prior to the Dominant’s arrival, dead set on being the first to arrive. “No- not at all,” he answered, shaking his head politely. His fingers nervously continued to play with the lid of his disposable coffee cup as his eyes quickly raked over Leo’s form in curiosity. “Thank you for agreeing to chat...Please— sit.”

Leo cleared his throat as he slowly took a seat next to Cristian on the bench. Nerves were eating at him, not knowing what to expect out of this meeting. He thought that he had said his goodbye, then there had been the drunk texts, and he thought that was goodbye. Now there was this. It was only fair that Cristian got to leave on his own terms, and surely that's what this was. There was no other way for them, not after what he'd done. He just hoped he could get through the meeting without becoming a complete wreck in front of the submissive. "Of course. I wouldn't have said no to you." He stopped himself from saying anything else by taking a sip from his coffee cup. After a moment he said, "So... you've got me here now..."

“I wanted to first off.... apologize again for having forced our initial conversation in that bar... and again for texting you the next day,” he began, gaze lingering on his cup as he spoke. He had no regrets chasing after Leo at the bar, but wished perhaps he’d found another way to do it still. “But then... I was hoping you might be willing to talk about... it.” He let his voice drop off a moment before Cristian added, “What... wasn’t working... What maybe I guess— if there was anything I could have done that I failed to do to— to prevent what happened.” it felt impossible to say it. Any way to prevent you leaving me. To prevent us Falling apart. “I know you were having nightmares and you mentioned at the bar... Alex... But— I guess... ghosting me? Everyone? Your sudden disappearance was... was really hard, Leo. Even though the texts all said delivered, a small part of me honestly wasn’t sure you were alive.”

They were going right into it, it appeared. That's fine. Leo was much more comfortable with people being direct. He hated people dancing around the real point, although when it came to difficult topics like this, he had become a master at avoiding the point. This time? He vowed honesty. No more hiding the truth, dancing around it, deflecting, or changing topics. Whatever Cristian wanted from him, he would give, if he could. "Well, for starters, you have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all." He glanced over at the male, even though he noticed Cristian's eyes on the cup in his hands, Leo couldn't take his eyes away from him. "If that's what you want to talk about... I'll tell you anything you want to know. Although, I think it's important that you understand that there's nothing that you failed to do. I was - I am a bit lost and a lot broken. I was hoping you wouldn't notice the nightmares, but I suppose that's impossible..." Leo ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. "This... these issues started long before us. Long before I came back to Verona, truth be told. I should've told you sooner. I..." His brow furrowed, realizing he was going to be putting himself in a headspace he didn't like to be. "Honestly, you made me forget for a while... before you, I had difficulty sleeping straight through the night. With you there, I was able to somehow relax enough to make it through a night and I began to heal, really... It's hard to explain what it's like to be in charge of lives, and to see those lives lost. It's not something you can just get over."His fingers tapped a rhythm on the cup as he tried to keep himself calm, but his eyes seemed distant as he found himself back there. Seeing each one of those young faces lost and under his command. "I left the military because I couldn't deal with the loss. I couldn't... I couldn't have them trust me, follow me, and lose them it was too much after a while. So... when I started this mission to help with Oz... I didn't think that I would have to worry about loss. They were my responsibility, Cris. They weren't trained to do what I was. It was my job to make sure they weren't hurt and I lost him. It's my fault that he's dead. Alex should've..." His voice caught and his brow furrowed. "Well, it's my fault. They trusted me to bring them home, and I failed. So, losing him brought it all back, and you weren't there with me when it happened and... well, the nightmares returned, and worse. The only time I felt somewhat normal was with you, but I couldn't tell you... I couldn't admit my failure out loud. It's easy to say that you don't think it's my fault, but how could it not be?" He asked, it was a rhetorical question, and he moved on. "So, when you say you want to know if there's anything you failed to do... no, you were everything I needed. It was my fault, my inability to see past my fears, past my grief, past all my failures. I felt like I would bring you down, or that I would ruin us, or that you would see me as a failure, and I couldn't handle that. Cris, I would not have survived if you saw me as the failure I think I am."There was a moment where he tried to think of what next to say and then he said, "Like I said before, I regretted the decision. I was second guessing myself before I did it. The problem was I thought it was right, it wasn't. I truly thought I was doing what was best for you. I thought I was protecting you from my self-destruction. Little did I know that you were my only sanity." He shook his head and looked down at the cup he held in his hands.

Cristian didn’t speak for a moment after, trying to fully process the response after— quite a bit more detailed than at the bar. From what it sounded like... Leo had PTSD from his time spent in the military, and Alex passing had triggered it. And Cristian... has failed to connect the dots. He hated the fact he hadn’t ever thought much about the other’s mental health— and any issues he might have had associated with time spent serving. He could never judge Leo for it— heavens knew he would have similar issues in his shoes— but instead judged himself for not knowing or presuming there might be something along those lines at play still that was hurting the Dominant. Was he upset still for how Leo had handled everything— how he’d ripped the choice from Cristian’s hands and left him? Absolutely. But hearing how mentally broken he was and continued to be... Part of him wanted to ask why Leo hadn’t changed fields entirely to something less stressful, or if he’d ever seen a professional for help at any point in his life. Someone who could help him process these events and move past them... Cristian appreciated knowing his impact on the other, but also wondered how healthy such a dependency could be. Regardless, it broke his heart knowing even if he disagreed with Leo’s actions, the Dominant had thought he had to go it alone and further isolate himself from everyone— perhaps the very last thing he should have done. At least when he left, Cristian had had family and friends to fall back on. Did Leo allow himself... anyone? Cristian reaches for Leo’s coffee cup, gently yet firmly taking it from him as well as his own, setting both on the ground. “Come here,” he urged then as he sat back up, opening his arms wanting to pull the older male into a hug.

Once it was out in the open Leo felt... raw. Far to exposed. He wanted to find a way to take it all back, bury it behind the face he showed to everyone else, the one that appeared to have himself put together and in control. Except, somehow, with admitting that he had these issues meant that he could no longer push them aside and pretend they didn’t exist. He wondered how he was going to survive the night now that he’d admitted things to someone else, and was trying to think of ways to do that when his coffee cup was removed from his hands. Leo didn’t fight, his eyes merely looking to the submissive wondering what was going on until he heard the words spoken and saw his arms open. Moving slowly, his body closed the small distance between them, arms wrapping around the other’s frame as if he couldn’t believe he had this opportunity. After a moment he squeezed his eyes shut, dropping his face into the curve of the submissive’s neck as emotions hit him harder than he expected. This was where he felt safest. Why had he pushed this away? He might have found a way to heal if he’d only trusted this information to Cristian sooner. “I’m sorry...” he mumbled into the other’s shoulder lost in the sadness, and guilt that overwhelmed him, and the relief to feel as though he wasn’t alone anymore.

It didn't matter that Leo had hurt Cristian deeply in that moment-- or that they had a lot to work past. The submissive could plainly see the other was hurting, and while it might have been easy to say it was well-deserved, Cristian knew this was much more than that. It genuinely hurt him as well seeing Leo suffering like this and knowing he'd been struggling with this for so long. Why did he still work security? Could he... Move to a less violently inclined version of it that wasn't as likely to involve someone getting hurt? He supposed that was what Leo had already intended until things had taken a twist in Verona thanks to the Romano family. His arms wrapped snuggly around Leo's frame, sighing gently. One arm encircling Leo's back as the other gently cradled the nape of his neck "I know you are, Leo," he answered back gently. "I know, sweetheart." The pet name rolled off his tongue with  a familiar yet sad ease, wishing there was more he could do or say. It felt wrong to try to verbalize so much so quickly though-- to try to suggest Leo start speaking to a professional, or to ask why he hadn't switched careers entirely. "Everything will be okay, I promise you," he added instead, content to let silence fill the void as he held Leo close. How things would be okay-- Cristian wasn't sure yet. But as much as he thought things were over between the Dominant and himself, he couldn't simply leave Leo in the state he was in-- especially knowing now that the man was keeping all of this to himself. He wasn't even sure what the next steps would be, but he knew the best thing at the moment was reassurance. Leo would get better... Cristian would make sure of it.

Hearing Cristian trying to comfort him helped to calm him slowly. He had opened himself up to a reality he had kept locked up tight and tried to hide away. This was a culmination of years worth of pain, grief, and blame hitting him in waves. He held onto Cristian tightly, and that promise that everything would be okay finally helped to calm the storm of emotions. Slowly the crying stopped, his breathing normalized, and as he composed himself he turned his head away from Cristian as he cleaned off his face. Unable to look the submissive in the eye at first. He’d never broken down in front of anyone, and here he was looking weak in front of the person whose opinion mattered more to him than anyone else. “Sorry... I shouldn’t have... usually, I’m much more in control of... And this is... it’s a lot to deal with, a burden that I should’ve been able to handle...” He hadn’t wanted to unload this on Cristian, and he felt a sense of embarrassment at this, but at the same time he realized yet again... he wasn’t alone. Cristian hadn’t shoved him away once he learned the truth. “Thank you...” he said softly, still unable to meet the other male’s eyes.

Cristian fished a tissue from his pocket when Leo pulled away— one he’d brought Incase he himself had needed it. He leaned down to grab the Dominant his coffee, holding it out for Leo take along with the facial tissue. “If I’m not allowed to apologize, then you aren’t either, Leo,” he chided softly.  “It is a lot to deal with... more than most do their entire lives. But you’re wrong thinking you’re somehow suppose to be able to somehow cope with this all alone.” Hell, Cristian hadn’t done that when Leo left... he had friends and family, and had even sought professional help after a few months in order to get his own life in order... And what he’d gone through was far less traumatic than feeling lives were lost due to him.

Taking his coffee cup again, as well as the tissue, Leo focused on the things in his hand as he listened to Cristian. He gave a small shrug. “It seems like a poor excuse, my having to deal with a lot. And to think... I chose the military life.” A rueful smile crosses his features. “Seems I’m good at making terrible life decisions.” He took a deep breath and then took another sip of coffee. It felt natural, right even, for him to confide in Cristian. He knew he had no right to unload on the submissive, not when they weren’t together anymore. Still, he felt relieved it was him and not anyone else. This understanding wouldn’t have come from most, but that wasn’t terribly surprising, Cristian had always been good to him despite his past. “I hope you don’t still think you’ve failed me, or us, in some way. I don’t think you can be at fault in any of this. I just wish... that I’d realized I needed support sooner, that maybe I didn’t have to hold it in and try to deal with it all alone... and poorly, might I add.” God, it would be a miracle if his liver would survive past 45 at the rate he’d been going lately. “I just... I don’t know what to do,” he admitted softly. This was territory he hadn’t crossed before. For once he wasn’t confident in his next steps, or even the least bit sure.

The submissive’s  lips curled into a frown. He did feel  he’d failed Leo in some aspects— such as never realizing he suffered any forms of PTSD or noticing the signs. He realized now he’d put Leo up on a pedestal in many regards, not realizing just how faulted the other man was. Leo has simply been so good at hiding it for so long, and Cristian, blissfully ignorant. Still, he wasn’t going to start a fight over this or cause more stress. He sighed softly and reached for his own empty cup. “Well... do you want my advice, Sir?”

His eyes lifted to Cristian at his question. There was a certain nervousness at what the other might suggest. After only a brief moment of consideration, he nodded slowly, he trusted that Cristian would only want what was best for him. “What do you think I should do?”

He hesitated a moment, nervous as to how Leo might take the suggestion. One hand held onto the coffee cup still as the other reached out, gently resting on Leo’s knee. “I don’t know much about your experiences prior to working together for Lord Tybalt... but have you ever tried speaking to someone about this— all of this before? Or... would you be open to trying at least?” He paused a moment, giving Leo’s leg a gently squeeze. “I— I want to help you, Leo, but I think speaking to an unbiased third party might help.. a lot.” Cristian spoke slowly, watching carefully for any sign of Leo pulling away as he continued. “I could even recommend someone— if you prefer it be via phone versus in person. Or... I would be willing to help you find someone you were comfortable speaking with locally here in Breton, if you’d consider it.”

As he listened to Cristian speak, Leo’s brow furrowed. It was hard already, to tell him and admit it to himself. However, he had come to a realization that he certainly couldn’t do this on his own. Cris was being understanding, but could he truly expect the other to listen to some of the gruesome things he had seen? No. He had a feeling if he didn’t get it out then those memories would remain trapped in his mind, a constant reminder of his failure, perhaps this would be another way. Maybe he could find a way to feel less pain over all the lives lost. “I... would... I think maybe I should try...” His eyes went from the hand on Leo’s knee to the other male’s face, looking for reassurance. “Do you think they can help? Do you think you might help me find someone who could really work with me on this? Someone who maybe has experience dealing with people who were in the military... maybe?” He needed someone who could understand what he had been through. Someone who wasn’t just trying to help but knew what someone like him would have gone through. Someone with experience.

Cristian nodded almost immediately, surprised by the other’s willingness to the idea. It was a positive, promising step forward. “Yeah... I can definitely help, Leo,” he responded softly, making a mental note to start looking into locally available resources later than evening. “I’ll see what I can dig up and we can go over your options over coffee or brunch some time in the near future. How’s that sound?” He added with a gentle smile. He was already willing to meet with his ex again apparently, something that he hadn’t envisioned that morning. Inviting Leo to chat was suppose to be for closure... to truly move on— but life apparently had a funny way of ignoring any plans Cristian ever made for himself. Knowing what he knew now, he couldn’t have simply left Leo and cut him out of his life like the other had so desperately tried to do to himself. He wasn’t sure what to call what was between them anymore... Or if he could manage a friendship with his ex, but it hardly felt like either wanted the other completely gone. “We can catch up, too... you can tell me how the new job’s going... it’ll be... nice, yeah?”

Relief flooded him at the idea of having Cristian’s help. Before he knew it, he reached out with his free arm, the one not holding his coffee cup, and pulled him in towards his body. “I can’t thank you enough for this. For everything.” Lord knew he didn’t deserve this kindness. Pulling back, he remained close as a slow and small smile rugged at the corner of his lips. “I’d like that, to meet up and talk about what options you find... and so we can catch up. You can tell me about your job too. I want to know how you like it.” It sounded like Cristian was willing to let him into his life still. That gave Leo hope. Maybe they weren’t together right now, but maybe... maybe someday when he wasn’t so broken. He still loved Cristian more than he had any right to, but he knew as he settled back against the bench, that he needed to work on himself first. However, he wasn’t alone in this. He still had Cris, at least in some form.

[positively--speculative]

I’m going to try not to tread into the “red head representation” discussion again, but there is something I want to talk a little bit about when it comes to Black women being represented as love interests.

This is just me, and I don’t speak for all Black women, but something about non-Black women talking about the implications of Black women being paired with white men rubs me the wrong way. I think it’s mostly to do with the fact that Black men and other MOC get paired with white women all the time. Miles got to have a white interest with little to no drama in the fandom. Arthur got paired with Mera with little to no drama as well. And I know this isn’t always the case (I’m very aware of how FinnRey gets treated by the SW fandom), but for the most part, the stigma of Black and other MOC getting paired with white women doesn’t seem to be as strong as when Black women are paired with white men.

Black women rarely get the same freedom to be interested in more than just Black men. Don’t get me wrong, Black love is incredibly important and any representation of good, healthy relationships between Black men and women is very much needed...however, I think a lot of Black women have noticed that the characters who most resemble them are limited by writers to be with Black men (if they get to be with anyone at all) while Black men seem to be given more flexibility to be with anyone they want. And here’s the thing, we ARE capable of being attracted to more than just Black men. You know who two of my biggest crushes were growing up? David Bowie as Jareth in Labyrinth and Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack in Titanic. It was (and still is) very rare to see Black women be loved back by men who looked like the two men mentioned. And what’s more hurtful is that when it does happen, it’s met with extreme backlash...even more so now in the age of social media.

I feel when Black women express their concerns about possible implications of certain IR ships involving Black women, it’s valid, because it’s coming from a place of experience. There are non-Black men who fetishize Black women and seek to abuse us. Many of us feel we have to be very careful when approached by non-Black men. I avoid any man who implies his sole reason for approaching me is because he has a *thing* for Black women. A lot of Black women come to learn all of the red flags at some point in our lives.

However, I do not feel it is the place of non-Black women to criticize ships between Black women and white men, and yes, this goes for non-Black women with *Black friends*....especially when it’s clear it’s a ship Black women fully support, because what is now happening--whether they mean to or not--is said non-Black women are talking over Black women. I don’t care if you learned about the negative implications from your Ethnic Lit class or Film Studies. It is still not your place to talk over Black women.

I just don’t feel like it really comes from a genuine place when non-Black women have criticisms of an IR relationship involving a Black woman, because I feel the only true criticism can come from actual Black women who have experience being stigmatized in the dating world.

I don’t know...I’m having trouble wording this, to be honest. I guess what I want non-Black fans to get out of this is that it’s totally okay to amplify our voices when we have problems with these pairings, but don’t come into our space uninvited to tell us why an IR ship many of us support is *wrong* or *problematic.* I also want to add that it’s okay to stand with us when we’re faced with fandom racism. I have many non-Black followers who stood with me when I made posts about the fandom racism Anna Diop faced, and that is very much appreciated.

If any of my Black followers want to add anything to this, please do, because again, I don’t speak for everyone.

[ontherockswithsalt]

OHMYGOODNESS THE FLUFF! I have no idea where this came from but I needed to write these boys being soft before I jump back into AMM and continue the depravity. Sooo.. enjoy this little treat about somewhere-in-the-not-so-distant-future Joble. 

“Damn, I can't believe you guys closed.”

“I was down to stay open,” Noble calls out from the living room. “But I had no staff once they called off schools and half the city buses weren’t running.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” There in the entryway, I pull off my coat, the snowflakes that covered it finally melting away, and unlace my boots. I’d managed to stomp off the slush down in the lobby of our apartment and up the flight of stairs.

Once I’ve shed all my wet outer layers, I make my way into the kitchen and he gets up to meet me.

“Hey,” he offers.

I exhale with a smile when I see him. “Hey.”

“I’m glad you’re home.” He tilts over to give me a kiss, then pulls away with a startled little moan. “Mm. Cold.”

“I know,” I murmur up at him, admittedly needy for a better kiss than that.

His lips touch mine one more time and the sensation helps warm the chill beneath my skin, especially when he grasps the sides of my face in his hands. Then he pulls away and scratches light fingertips in my hair. “Tired?”

“Yeah.” I deflate a little, glancing around the kitchen. I hadn’t expected to work almost fourteen hours, but once the much-hyped snow storm hit the city, it was all hands on deck and I stayed well past end of tour.

“I hit the store on the way home--” He informs me.

“Yes,” I exhale in relief and turn past him, squeezing loving fingers at his sides before I do.

“Like all those crazy people on the news. Only instead of bread, I raided the wine aisle.”

“Well sure,” I reason. “Those survival skills I fell in love with.”

His low chuckle makes me smile as I move to the cabinet for a water glass. “You have time to eat at work?”

“No.” I shake my head before I down a big gulp of ice water and start off in the other direction. “I’m gonna take a quick shower.”

“If I made creamy tortellini soup, would you eat it?” He calls after me.

I turn back to him, lifting hopeful eyebrows. “Uh yeah.”

“Twenty minutes. Go get your shower.”

Rumbling a spent but satisfied groan, I turn toward the bedroom. “You’re the man of my dreams, you know!” I announce as I go.

“I try!”

***

After a hot shower, and a change into loose grey sweatpants and a t-shirt, I make my way to the other side of the apartment and return to the kitchen. Nobles finishes up the quick dinner, but the television in the living room catches my attention.

“What… are you watching?” I wonder when I can’t ignore the din of howling women, strobe lights and fog across the screen.

“Oh dude.” He glances up and across the room. “It’s Magic Mike.”

“What’s that?”

He laughs, stirring the soup before he turns to the cabinet for a bowl. “It’s a movie about male strippers. Have you never seen it?”

I give him a look and spread my hands as if the answer to that is obvious. “No, I’ve never seen it.”

“Thank you.” He points at me as if he was just validated. “See? I was talking to Luke the other day at work, and somehow we got on this topic of hot celebrities. And he was going on about Channing Tatum and how he'd let him do whatever to him--”

“Wait, who's that?” I stop him in confusion as he passes me my bowl of soup. I get myself a spoon and lead him toward the living room so I can eat it on the couch.

“That guy--” Noble follows, gesturing to the actor front and center on the screen with his shirt off.

“Okay…”

“So anyway. I told him I'd never seen the movie. And Channing Tatum didn't really do anything for me. And Luke gets all outraged about it like oh my god, you're kicked off the team. Are you sure you're not straight? And all that shit--”

“Wait.” I laugh. “So this movie is some like, gay rite of passage? A true test of your alliance? That seems pretty narrow.”

“I don't know, but apparently I'm not gay enough for him.” He shrugs.

I set my glass of water on the tray that sits on the ottoman and lean back. “You're gay enough for me, babe.”

“Thanks, babe.” He drops a hard palm with a squeeze on my thigh.

“So what, you decided you need to watch it?”

“I saw it was on,” he explains.

I have to shift my gaze to him, raising an arched eyebrow as I chew my food.

“It was!” He lifts defensive shoulders and I laugh at him. “But I can change it.”

I slink further down in the couch and push my feet against the ottoman, trailing my spoon through my soup. “No, I don't care.”

“I'm still kind of indifferent about him,” he notes.

Studying the actor on the screen, I manage a thoughtful side-to-side tilt of my head. “Yeah,” I mutter, unsure.

“Like if he was in regular clothes and you passed him on the street, would you look?”

I squint one eye and try to decide. “Is he ever in regular clothes in this movie?”

“I think so.”

“I could do without the costumes and props and shit,” I note. “Is that how these clubs operate? Where it’s like, themed dance routines? Do they really need umbrellas?”

“I think it… y’know, creates a whole--” Then Noble traces his hands in front of him. “Fantasy for the audience.”

“I'm not into that. Just fucking get naked.”

He laughs and then considers it. “I like it a little.”

Cutting my gaze to him again, I smirk. “I know you do.” Knowing how he gets about my uniform, I'm not surprised. “So what have I missed? What's it about?”

“Channing Tatum is Magic Mike. And he meets this dude and like, recruits him into the strip club world. And… I think that's pretty much it.”

I nod over another bite of spinach tortellini. “He's alright,” I decide, scrutinizing the character, the curves of a well-formed upper body the more he tears his clothes off. “I wouldn't say I'm indifferent. His teres are pretty sweet.”

A laugh rumbles in Noble’s chest. “That’s such a bro thing of you to say.”

I smile with a shake of my head. “Am I not gay enough for Luke either?”

“There’s plenty we could do in front of him to prove it, but I respect you too much.”

“You’re a keeper.”

Noble sits back beside me and we let a little more of the movie play out. “So this is the new stripper. They call him The Kid.”

“He’s like the rookie stripper?”

“Yeah. Something tells me he’s gonna come face to face with the harsh realities of the greater Orlando area strip club underworld, or wherever the fuck this is.”

“But maybe he’ll prove himself,” I muse. “Maybe he’ll rise to the challenge, just when you’re ready to count him out.”

With a lazy chuckle, he props one arm behind his head on the couch. “I hope he does, but in like a montage of various costumes.”

“For your sake, I hope so,” I laugh.

“You know, it’s weird,” he starts. “This whole concept of I knew I was gay when… I saw Titanic or whatever and got a boner for Leonardo DiCaprio. Some people know their whole life, and for some people, it creeps up on you.”

With a thoughtful nod, I ponder it for a moment while I look over at him. Then I shrug as I lean forward to set my bowl down. “Titanic?”

“Or whatever,” Noble laughs. “Where some celebrity has an effect on you as a kid and you’re like, oh shit, I’m gay.”

“Maybe for some people. I mean you never know.”

“Who was your first celebrity crush?”

I think about it over a deep breath and settle back beside him. “I was really into Alyssa Milano on Who’s The Boss--”

Naturally, this makes him crack up, resting his head back on the couch. “Fuck, that’s cute. You’ve been into bossy Italians your whole life, then.”

“Ha.” I grin. “What about you?”

“Dude, Alicia Silverstone in those Aerosmith videos.”

“Oh damn.” I narrow my gaze as I recall the iconic MTV blonde from my adolescence. “Yeah, for sure.”

“What about guys?” He wonders. “I feel like if I was into one, I’d only realize it in hindsight.”

I reach for my glass and ease back. “Right. Not Leonardo DiCaprio, though.”

“No,” he agrees with a disapproving scrunch of his cheek. “I mean, I have a very distinct… memory of the volleyball scene from Top Gun, but I don’t know if--”

I nearly choke on my water before I manage to swallow down a surprised laugh.

“If I’d say I was aroused by it,” he finishes, sharing my amusement.

“You can rewatch it tomorrow while you’re snowed in and let me know how you feel now.”

“Maybe I will.” Reaching over, he drags his fingers through my hair and I rest back, appreciating the faint sensation. “So by the end of this movie, is Channing Tatum gonna up there on your list with Alyssa Milano?”

“Well I don’t know. He might win me over.”

“Oh jeez,” he groans. “I’ll just be out here on my own little gay island, not understanding what all the hype is about with the guy from Magic Mike.”

My shoulders lift as I explain, “I haven’t decided yet. I have to think about it.” I raise my arm to the back of the couch, a wordless cue for him to slide in against me. “But you’ve got me invested in this damn movie, so now we have to finish it.”

“God,” he whispers, scooting down to fit against my side, his arm closest to me draped across my thigh. “You’re such a slut for back muscles.”

My playful fingers dig into his shoulder and I turn to his hair, muttering, “I definitely am. Shh--” before I press a kiss there.

I can’t be sure if I always knew, or if it gradually crept up on me. All that matters is I’m certain this man I come home to every day is all I’ll ever need.

[cybercowboykidexpert]

My ex boyfriend of six years cheated on me and I developed a puzzle addiction

Dedicated to Joshua Timity and Anna Wonsley

I’m just saying, I didn’t get cheated on when Obama was president…

Today is January 17th, 2019. 27 days have passed in the government shutdown so as you can imagine I’ve had an incredible amount of free time on my hand. And how dare President Trump let me sit idle with these thoughts for this long? Doesn’t he care that if I don’t have constant stimulation 24/7 I will slowly dwindle and become my own personal hell? So inconsiderate.

What?

He doesn’t care about us?

Anyways, Here’s the story:

On July 1st, 2018 my beloved high school sweetheart Josh cheated on me. On that day, I was watching a Nats game with my beloved coworkers. Can I tell you all that he had the audacity on that day to get mad at me for the lack of invite? Talk about ironic.

Since July some things have happened. We stopped having sex. He stopped being present. In September, Josh and I took a break because he wasn’t sure I was the one. I received empty promises of love.

What does it feel like when your partner is distancing themselves? Heart-wrenching metaphor time! You’re essentially a cow and your partner is the farmer. I mean- you’re a cow how the hell are you supposed to know that murder is your eminent fate?

Today, is slaughter day. The farmer grabs you by the rope and starts stroking your head to make you feel as comfortable as possible. And in that moment, you’re like- damn this rocks! But as you make your way to this new building you’ve never seen in the back of your mind- you know this can’t be good. You think to yourself…hmm... I’ve never ever seen any of my cow friends return from this mysterious house alive- but maybe just maybe I could be the exception.

Surprise! You’re not.

I think majority of us have experienced the sensation of being let go. I could use a thesaurus on this one but the best word to describe this is, well, it sucks.

Let’s fast-forward to October. The break is now over, and Josh tells me he wants more time. I tell him we need to break up. I cry a bit. I give him my world-famous bread pudding recipe. We exchange hugs. I delete all the photos off my phone, Instagram and Facebook. We have a true millennial breakup.

I begin my healing process. I don’t eat for 4-5 days. I watch an ungodly amount of the office on Netflix because if anyone is going to fix the broken heart it’s Michael Scott. And 8 days into my sulking, October 29th, I get the infamous text from my ex:

“Hey, I know you need space and time… but I’d really like to talk to you about something”

And in my naivety- I genuinely believed my ex-boyfriend wanted to get back together. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

We sat in his Subaru. To clarify- no my ex is not a 45-year-old soccer mom looking for safety and security in a vehicle, he’s just a 23-year-old man with terrible taste.

He turns to me with tears in his eyes and mutters- “I cheated on you”.

A thousand questions and emotions overtook my body.

“When?”

“July”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Who?”

“One of my coworkers.”

“Does she have a boyfriend?”

“She has a husband… and a kid.”

“Oh so you’re an actual motherf**ker?”

(He set up that joke himself.)

I took 2 lessons away from my college psychology 100 class. First, my psychology professor has a learned taste aversion to peppermint schnapps. Second, our body has an innate instinct to fight or flight when danger is presented.

So, I did what any rational 23-year-old girl would do- I got out of the car and began to run. Josh follows my pursuit and catches up to me. A lot more crying ensues, and he falls to his knees and begins to cry as well. I’d give my performance a solid Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada. His performance was riveting 10/10. Leonardo Dicaprio in The Revenant.

October 29th was the worst day of my life.

I begin my healing process...again. I don’t eat for 1-2 weeks. I watch an ungodly amount of the office on Netflix and realize Michael Scott can’t even fix this. At this point, my friends are sick of hearing me snot cry on the phone. I needed a new vice, a new distraction that could make me not think about anything. Something equally numbing and time consuming. Something that could never cheat on me with a 35-year-old mom.

Puzzles.

Everyday for a month I come home from work and I start solving jigsaw puzzles. And for a couple hours a day- I didn’t have to think about anything.

When you think about it- puzzles are a lot like break ups. It’s a thousand little pieces that you have no idea where they go or how they fit- but you’re determined to make it work. Sometimes it’s not that the piece doesn’t fit- you just have to view it from a different angle.

I no longer have a puzzle addiction.

I gave up midway through a 1000-piece puzzle of the Grand Canyon.

I don’t find the need to solve and figure out anything anymore. I know that there’s nothing I could’ve done to change the outcome of my situation. I was an incredible girlfriend. I never made him feel unloved or unattractive. I was his number #1 fan. But I never asked myself- am I being a good friend to myself? Do I make myself feel loved and beautiful? Am I my number 1 fan?

I relied so heavily on having my existence validated by someone who didn’t love me enough to tell me he didn’t want to be with me anymore.

This story doesn’t really have a beautiful redeeming entity. I’m still angry. I signed his coworker up for a newsletter for Christian women with sex addictions. Oh, and counseling group for Mormon women. She might also be getting spammed by a cat lovers email list. Sorry Anna.

I don’t want you to feel bad for me- I know that I’ll be okay. The world has a funny way of delivering us grief and then granting us joy. And on the brightside- I have 15 puzzles I can now sell.

Let me know if you’re interested.

(Quick update to this: Joshua Timity and Anna Wonsley (or Grushi remember she’s married y’all) are currently in a relationship. Shoutout to Andrew Gause Martial Arts for hooking them up. Tae kwan do power couple! Now I know what we’re thinking- how is a married mom in a relationship? Girl I have no idea. Despite him telling me that she’s ugly, less than nothing and unsuccessful- I guess they were perfect for each other. And by perfect I mean they deserve each other. Two miserable people. And if you’re her husband and you find this, maybe talk to your wife idk?)

[thestudyfeels]

Just finished reading a Paulo Coelho book. In three words, it was beautiful, poetic and life-changing. For the next few minutes, here’s what happened: I leaned back on my bed frame, eyes closed, my lips instantly parting into a content smile. Bliss. Then, I scrambled to my desk and grabbed a pen and paper, inspiration coursing through my veins. I had a mission to conquer.

… And here we are now. It’s rare to find books that give you ten times the energy you initially put into reading the book. The Alchemist, it turns out, is one of those prizes. It’s about everything I preach on this blog *adjusts halo on head* - pursuing your destiny, having faith, never backing out, bouncing back up from failure (read here), leaving a legacy behind - and look up to in my life.

Ahem, hence, this post is a big deal. Yes, a bigger deal than food. Pat, put that taco down, I see you. Listen, huh? (Clears throat.)

That said (no Pat, don’t you dare sneak in a bite), let’s talk about The Alchemist and its lessons. Get your comfort drink and a blanket, for this is a long one, bud. Stay till the end for free tacos! (But to think of it, Pat would’ve finished them by then, so… stay anyway? Thanks.)

Unless you’re a believer, miracles won’t happen for you. And trust me, miracles are one thing you will want on your side when you start your journey. Having faith, y’know, believing, is one of the common traits of the highly successful go-getters. Not trusting your capabilities, worrying you aren’t worth the life you are aiming for will become your inevitable failure. Why? ‘Cause, where your attention is, your energy flows.

Omens play a big role in deepening your faith. They are signs that you’re on the way to living your best life, an assurance that you’re on the right path. Omens can be anything - a vision you had that you could never quite forget (same), food that reminded you of something or someone (I’ve made you hungry now, oops) - ANYTHING. I know, this sounds all woo-woo to you right now but listen, when you start believing, magic happens, and the more omens you discover because the universe is now all hyped up for you. So firstly, believe. Then, you’ll see the impossible happening. Don’t do it the other way around.

  Omens? They’re like checking off items from a to-do list with the last one saying ‘live my dream life and kick ass every day.’ Who don’t like a checked off to-do now?

Here’s going deep. Ultimately, you know what will count? The number of people you impacted, the courage you showed in living your dream life, and the legacy you left behind. That’s all that counts.

My man, Shakespeare, is dead. Which… sounds rude when I say it. (Don’t haunt me Mr. Shakespeare, let’s not turn this into a real-life Hamlet.) Why do people still read his awesome (though I don’t get them) work? Leonardo da Vinci, my bro, is ‘dead’ too. Why do people still flock to see the Mona Lisa? (If not, they just search up Mona Lisa memes and I feel them.) To come to my point, the greats are great because they have the courage to do something different. You’ll notice that each of these wizards created something new and authentic. They were true to themselves. Imagine what would’ve happened if Shakespeare thought his work sucked and pushing Newton aside, started juggling apples up and down. I think it’ll be safe to say that Literature and Physics would both be effed up.

You are here on an important mission too. To find your passion and pursue it. Don’t waste those precious hours on shit that doesn’t fill you with happiness and satisfaction. Be like Shakespeare. He didn’t care that hundreds of years later, high school kids would hate him for his bewildering poems. He’s the real boss. After all, we are still reading his poems lmao.

Or in millennial speak, your homie. From whom you steal food because you know they wouldn’t mind (or maybe they would, but you don’t give an eff). Yup, that friend.

The best lesson that shone from this book (it’s a shiny book) was this - your heart? It is terrified to pursue its dreams because it fears losing everything along the way. It’s afraid of failure, of being betrayed, and, well, of heartbreak. Your heart believes this because all around, in our society, it witnesses people living meaningless lives and dying with regrets. It has gotten around to believing that this is the way to live. And so, this happens - “Helen don’t you even DARE think about opening your dream nail salon. How ridiculous can you be?! You’re perfect as a real estate agent, selling property and writing contracts for European clients whose names you can’t pronounce. I mean, hey, struggling to rent out ancient mansions isn’t that frustrating.”

Your heart will come up with all sorts of creative excuses UNLESS you manage to convince it otherwise, and make it realize “the worry about suffering is indeed worse than the suffering itself.” Once you do that, you’ll no longer need to ask for validation from others or seek happiness advice from your terminally sad friend - your heart WILL give you all of the answers.  

So teach your heart to be fearless and your heart will teach you how to remain so. Forever. *Mic drop*

Here’s a quote from the book: “‘I am, between my flock [he was a shepherd] and my treasure,’ the boy thought. He had to choose between something he had become accustomed to and something he wanted to have.”

Nobody ever accomplished something mind-blowing without encountering risk. Most people, however, are so afraid of stepping out of their comfort zones that instead they accept mediocre lives and die whining about how ‘everything is so unfair.’ Or complain they got no money while being jealous of everyone else’s success. Or “why can’t I have a hot boyfriend like Cayla’s man.” Jesus.

Because the thing is - we live like we’re scared of living. Here, I’ll wait till that sinks in… drowning in the quicksand of truth yet? Kay. I was in the shower making my stinky self clean the day this thought struck me. (#showerthoughts, ha.) I think I smiled. Or LOL-ed in my mind. It just sounded so stupid!

What if you had a SINGLE chance to become someone worth becoming? A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity came up. Would you really, really, continue to live your boring-ass life and lose the opportunity? That’s what life is about. It’s full of opportunities to turn the tables and have a new, exciting start. To leave a dull, boring life behind and never look back!

    But because they usually come at a price (like quitting your lame job and having the courage to start the business you’ve always wanted to), most are scared of leaving the shores to explore the dangers of the unknown. DON’T do that. Life’s not tryna kill you here. This ain’t no Jumanji. Be brave, my friend, trust that life has your back (it does), and take those risks that have the potential to change your life phenomenally.

Go out today and live an amazing, adventurous life because it’s short and you’ll never be this young. And, inch by inch, day by day, step out, pal. Step outta your comfort zone. THAT’S where the real danger is.

This was one of my favourite parts in the book. Here (spoiler alert), the boy was asked to find ‘life,’ an omen the Alchemist wanted to discover before guiding the boy to his destiny. The boy, as it always happens in stories, had no idea what the old man meant. So, my dude did this. He let loose the reins on his horse. The horse, drunk on freedom, ran and only came to a stop in front of a small hole in the desert ground. When the alchemist put his hand inside that hole, he found a tiny black snake (yes the snake bit him, but apparently he’s Superman). The boy had thus found life and could now begin his journey.

The hidden meaning behind this (authors sure love to do this to us, huh) was that life finds life. Similars attract. The horse had a feeling that there would be a living creature inside that hole, simply because they were both alive. Real deep shit. You feel me? Otherwise known as the Law of Attraction, this suggests that you attract the things you value or think about the most. To put simply, like = like.

For instance, if you’re a grouchy human and complain about the insignificants, I know two things about you (yes, I’m magic): A) you are not shiny at all, my pal, your life story is a pile of dust (the dust ain’t shiny either) and B) you probably have the same kind of lame friends too.

You attract what you give your attention to, whether subconsciously or not. Let’s say you value loyalty and think cheating is a big no-no. If you continue to value it for a while, you yourself will become a loyal hoe and not do the dirty deeds. Like = Like. Similarly, if you value hard work and relentlessness, eventually (it’ll speed up the process if you consciously work harder, BTW), you’ll find yourself having those traits.

Moral of the story? To make your life shiner, change your beliefs, attitude, values and personality to the affirmative. Life will be a blast for you.

And finally, the last one! Let’s end by saying life is going to throw many obstacles and adversities at you. It ALWAYS does. The pursuit to your destiny begins with beginner’s luck (in complex tongue, the principle of favorability) and ends with the victor being severely tested. Sadly, THAT’S the point where most give up. Just when they are inches away from their treasure, they give up. It gets too hard for them, they lose faith, stop trusting their instincts - and BAM, they’re back to square one.

  Don’t let that happen to you. Just know that all the obstacles you face, they aren’t failures. The only true failure in life is quitting. Everything else is just gathering information. And one last thing, before I leave and try to pry away that one taco I see in Pat’s hand, remember this quote, “the darkest hour of the night comes just before dawn,” and when life throws a fit, hang on, knowing your dream life awaits you just around the corner. You are going to conquer life. I’m so proud of you.

Want to read more? Here are some related posts:

Read my last post: Interview 3 - Living a life true to you)

Mentioned in this post: Bouncing back from failure

5 reasons why you’re unhappy right now

A list of all the books I have read so far in 2018

+ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box!

Well, that’s a wrap! I post new articles every week (the schedule’s here) so you can follow me if you are into killing the game & conquering life. I’ll do my best to help you in the tough yet amazing journey called life. ✧

If you want to go through my blog, I suggest picking your choice of post from my masterpost list! Or, if you want to read something insightful on your cozy afternoon while chilling under blankets, I recommend reading one of my interviews. Feeling spoilt for choices? Here’s another! If you want to implement the ideas I share in my masterposts by taking action, take on one of my challenges!

I hope you are well; stay strong and conquer life, you conqueror.

- Nandini (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Musings #27: Will Tai and Raven Reconnect in RWBY V6?

@parrot-with-a-mohawk reblogged your post and added:

I really loved this musing, especially the part aboit Aunt Pine and about Weiss and Oscar bonding, because I would love to see Oscar interact with other characters besides Ruby and Qrow (though more Oscar/Ruby interactions would be welcome; stuff like little jokes and small talk). Although I have one thing to say, about Raven’s feather. 

When she left that feather behind, she left behind a part of herself, as if to say that she is not running away. Not anymore. This time she will be back. When she left Yang it wasn’t a farewell. It was a “see you soon”. Or at least this is what I think.

Squiggles Answers:

Ayyyyyye! Thank you so much m’dear! I’m glad you really enjoyed reading this musing and that you personally liked those parts. The parts featuring Oscar and his relationship with his Auntie Pine and Weiss were two of my best sections of the musing to write so I’m glad those were your favourite ones.

Regarding your point on Raven’s feather: Ooooh I see! So it was something or could potentially be something positive like you said. There is actually some canon validity to your point since the after credit scene for last volume was Raven leaving a feather for Tai as well.

The confusing thing is that I’m not sure if that scene is either unsubtly foreshadowing Raven meeting up with Tai to ‘catch up’ for probably the first episode of V6 (like how V4’s after credit bar scene between Qrow meeting Oscar was a part of the first episode of V5) or it’s basically more of a throw away scene that only introduces a dynamic that will be featured in the upcoming season. Like how V3’s after credit scene showed Qrow transforming into a bird for the first time to follow Team RNJR on their journey to Mistral to highlight that part of V4 without reintroducing that ending scene again in V4 if you understand what I mean.

I’m not sure if the new pattern for the after credit scenes for the new style/arc of RWBY is a sneak peak clip from the next volume.

That being said, of all the scenes they could’ve shown to get the fans hyped for V6, I found it oddly strange that we’d get Tai since his character hasn’t been relevant since V4 when he was helping Yang through her PTSD.

I’m wondering if the V5 after-credit scene may be hinting that Tai might play an important role with our gang getting to Atlas next season (maybe he knows some old buddies from his teaching days that knows people who can either get the group in contact with someone from Atlas or at least provide transport and guidance through Solitas) or perhaps it’s just a thing where, out of fear that Salem might send her forces to endanger her tribe again, Raven feels it fit to abandon her people temporarily to keep them out of Salem’s line of fire while she herself goes into hiding.

After all, when Cinder and her pawns came to the Branwen Tribe, they asked for Raven and no one else. And after what went down during the Battle of Haven, I wouldn’t be too surprised if Salem might pursue Raven again to find out exactly what transpired between her and her so-called Fall Maiden Cinder. I wouldn’t be all too shocked if, somehow, Salem actually knows what went down without actually being present.

Whenever she interacts with her key pawns and pushes them to answer her on what goes down, she always gives this air as if she already knows the answer but is waiting for her minions to tell her the truth from their tongues not only as a sign of their undying loyalty to her but as an intimidation tactic to maintain her dominance over them.

Like how she kept pushing Cinder to confirm Ozpin’s death back in V4 and how things went down between her and Lionheart in the V5 finale. Thinking about it now, Leonardo Lionheart’s demise was a rather sad scene to stomach.

Expected of his character given his past actions and the cruel choices he made in the end but still very sad to watch given his final pleading words as he is massacred off-screen by the Seer Grimm all while Salem looks on monotonously; showing not the slightest cater.

The point I’m making here is, whether it’s because of the Seer Grimm or because Salem possesses some unknown ability to see and know things through the eyes of her Grimm and human pawns, I think Salem knows the truth about the events of the Victory of Haven.  

Or at least that’s just my theory.

And if she does know then that means she’ll be coming after some people and I’m not just talking about our heroes. Although Yang took possession of the Relic of Knowledge so that her mother could avoid being a target for Salem, that doesn’t mean the bull’s-eye is off Raven yet. She might’ve been if it wasn’t for the fact that she’s a Maiden.

Raven will still be a target and I doubt returning to her tribe will be a good idea. It doesn’t even matter if the last time we saw the Branwen Tribe was when Raven ordered her tribesmen to pack up everything to move out after Cinder and co arrived. If Salem’s forces found her and her people once, she’ll certainly find them again. And she probably wouldn’t be so ‘courteous’ for the next encounter.

Raven already lost poor Vernal due to the whole Maiden mess so I doubt she’d wish to risk the lives of the rest of her tribe and have them all die because of her. 

What if...Raven decides to go ‘temporarily shack up’ with Tai in the one place she believes Salem might not look for her---the Patch in Vale. Besides that one Ursa Grimm that showed up in the Yang V5 Character Short, the Patch seems like a pretty chill place for one looking to lay low.

It’d be an interesting way to introduce Raven rekindling her relationship and long-lost love with Tai by having her go to him when she technically needs a new safe haven.

After all, who else does Raven have left to go to? As I said, returning to her tribe after Haven might not be a good idea.

I doubt she’ll be visiting Yang for a while after their conversation in the Vault of the Spring Maiden; unless absolutely necessary to the plot. As for Qrow....well...I don’t think Raven will visit him directly for some time either.

So all that’s left is Tai. And of all of Raven’s bonds, he’s the only one she hasn’t reconnected with in some time so it’d be nice if the after credit scene might be indicating at a future subplot with Tai and Raven for V6’s story.

Another thing, I know it’s probably not a good idea to read too much into RWBY Chibi since it doesn’t exactly follow the canon show.

However, given that the last Chibi episode highlighted Tai searching for love again...I dunno, not to over think but I’m wondering if this is the CRWBY’s way of hinting at Tai rekindling his love or at least his relationship with Raven as his former lover and mother of his eldest child for V6.

Raven technically never officially broke up with Tai, she just...left him. Besides Raven and Tai meeting again to talk can finally give us fans some proper Team STQR back-story in addition to some well-needed clarification of why Raven left and the events leading up Summer’s death cause, as hinted in V5 when she addressed Ruby, Raven seems to know something about what happened to Summer Rose.

 I could be wrong but for now I’ll just leave it as another theory to muse about.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2018)

[prettyboy-jimin]

Appreciate The Art

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: You and Taehyung are on a museum date because you’re both art geeks but for some reason, the Mona Lisa doesn’t seem to take his breath away

Note: I’m an art freak and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t imagining myself on a museum date with Taehyung ever since those Van Gogh photos came out.  EDIT: Someone on my AO3 was so nice and so patient to comment about the mistake I made, considering the gravity of what I did. They have my deepest gratitude and this edited version of the fic is very much dedicated to them.

+  I really believe that it's a human mistake to romanticise things we aren't supposed to, most of the time we do it unconsciously. I never intended to do that and I want to take this new platform and opportunity I'm given to say I am so so so sorry to anyone and everyone I've offended by overlooking my own mistake.

“Look! It’s the ‘Portrait of Patience Escalier 1888’! Oh the colour is so much more vibrant than the pictures!”

“They’re duller due to old age, actually.”

“Holy shit! It’s his ‘Portrait as an Artist 1888’!And the ‘Peasant Woman Portrait of Gordina de Gredoot 1885’! And the ‘Portrait of Adeline Ravoux 1890’!”

“Honestly, Jagi. You’ve been here a thousand times, do the paintings really still amaze you that much?” Taehyung asked, watching you fret over the various Van Gogh paintings positioned on the pristine walls of the museum.

You were walking down the portrait section of the exhibit for what Taehyung counted to be the seventeenth time ever since he first brought you here a few months back, ogling in amazement over each painting you were familiar with—which happened to be all of them. You and Taehyung were both art geeks, you loved to stare at motionless paintings created decades ago, days ago, months ago, centuries ago; each piece of art having their own story to tell, each person having their own version of that same story. You weren’t an artist yourself but that didn’t hold you back from understanding what people wanted to tell you through their strokes and colour choices.

Vincent Van Gogh was a personal favourite of yours. His extensive display of various painting styles never ceased to amaze you no matter how many times you’ve seen the particular work; always so engrossed with the same story you couldn’t entirely decipher. You had heard of how the tragic artist was said to eat yellow paint in his pursuit for happiness. An explanation being that he didn’t know how to look for real happiness and contentment, feeling as if his insides were darkened and sad he ate yellow paint to contradict the feeling; yellow was a happy colour, found in the sunflowers and the sun’s warm rays, Van Gogh wanted that, desperately, maybe even more than anyone else.

But that’s merely what you’ve heard. Van Gogh was suicidal, believing that there was nothing for him in his life. He was born in the wrong era, you believed.

You weren’t a sad being, you were stressed with university, exhausted from your job and gradually losing touch with old friends but none of these took a serious toll on you. Most nights you would come home to an empty apartment, Taehyung busy being an idol or out on tour. You didn’t want this relationship, not at first at least. Taehyung was your best friend since high school and you knew his career would take off soon, not wanting to ruin a good thing going by testing the waters to see if both your feelings were valid. Yet though you had known him for such a generous amount of time, this specific occasion you had forgotten just how persuasive he could be; sweeping you off your feet as you tried and failed to deny his advances. Dating him had its ups and downs, more ups than you’d allow downs.

You stared at the Portrait of Dr.Gachet, tilting your head to see the cool undertones in a different light and angle. You wondered if the top strokes of paint were all in a clockwise formation, the idea making sense as they all pointed in one course. But you could never know for sure, the creator wasn’t born in the same generation as you for you to ask. His droopy eyes had drawn you in a sense of sadness and boredom washing over you. You noticed how the two books on the table contradicted the stoic colour of his suit and background, the bright yellow being the first to lure you closer to the painting. You wondered if Dr.Gachet was desperate for happiness, you wondered what he did to achieve it if he was.

Taehyung slid his arms around your waist smoothly, his chin perched on your shoulder as your head was still tilted to the side in thought. He had watched you fix your eyes on every single painting here over a thousand times over but he had never seen you so engrossed in thought over one before. Taehyung knew you loved the sceneries more than the portraits, but he wasn’t aware of how you thought when you looked at the paintings. He could only say as much since the sceneries were the first things you wanted to see as soon as you’d step into the museum, his thoughts and opinions of the works differing from yours to a scale neither of you knew.

“What are you thinking about?” Taehyung asked, barely above a whisper as he planted a soft kiss on the side of your neck, making you hum in appreciation and smile a little.

“How we’re happy despite everything” you mused, contentment encasing itself in your voice as you spoke. Taehyung didn’t quite understand, resting his cheek against your joint and silently urging you to explain further. “Van Gogh was untiring as he searched for real happiness, he just wanted to be okay... like everybody else. He practically came to the point where he ate yellow paint; he was suicidal... people never understood why, and most times nowadays they still don't.” Your eyes were still trained on the portrait in front of you, picturing out your next words in your head as Taehyung’s gaze never left your face. “And as I notice the cold choices of colour for this portrait, I can’t help but think of how artists paint people and things the way they see them, I wonder if Vince saw this specific subject as sad while he painted him.”

“Vince?” Taehyung asked, playfully as he chuckled.

“I’m lazy okay, Van Gogh is a syllable too long.”

You both laughed, Taehyung taking his place once again on our shoulder as your hands folded over his around your stomach. You continued to stare at the near-ancient portrait, not entirely sure what more you wanted to know from Van Gogh’s unmoving gift to man.

“Notice how the green is incorporated into his face,” you said, lifting your hand lightly, gesturing to where Taehyung’s eyes should follow. “Green is almost always associated with sickness, right? But so’s paleness, so that can’t mean that he’s physically ill.”

Taehyung took in your words, understanding what you meant as you continued to speak.

“And then look at the books on the table,” you lowered your hand, “see how they’re so vibrant and in absolute contrast to the background as well as his suit. Blue is strongly related to sadness, yellow to happiness. What if his subject was sick of his life, because he wasn’t happy? His droopy eyes already tell so much, perhaps he hadn’t been getting enough rest before he met with Vince, or maybe it was a particularly rough day for him…” you paused, noticing Taehyung’s immobility beside you “but the fact that the books are there, bright and jovial, as well as the plant which frankly I have no idea what it is but it’s alive. It makes it seem like he still wanted to try… and be happy. It's like he was depressed, but he knew there were better things around him, waiting for him... but he just couldn't have at it that day”

Taehyung stayed silent for a few moments, letting your words sink in as you continued to imagine what kind of life the painter’s subject had led. You were an art-enthusiast that much was as sure as the sun rising in the east but you weren’t one who died to know every original story behind every painting you fell in love with. Trying to understand on your own was more than enough.

“Well shit” Taehyung muttered

“What?”

You turned your head to the side as he pulled his away slightly, giving you only a breath of space to look at each other comfortably and making your eyes cross slightly at the closeness.

“I just remembered why I’m so fucking in love with you.”

You couldn’t stop the smile that bloomed on your face even if you tried your hardest, Taehyung always knew how to sweep you off your feet with a few words. You leaned in to give him a chaste kiss, Taehyung pushing in further when you tried to pull away. Your lips were slotted between his soft ones as your eyes drifted close, enjoying the feeling. You bit his lower lip playfully and pulled away before anyone would call you out, the museum was strangely filled with a considerably generous amount of people for a Wednesday afternoon.

“I love you too” you whispered, your grin settling into a wide smile as you nudged your nose against his.

He untangled himself from you, straightening his back as he pulled you towards another artist’s exhibit.

Leonardo Da Vinci.

Another personal favourite of yours but a ways worth from Vincent. Your jaw went slack as Taehyung continued to pull you through the various displays, your eyes not knowing where to look first. There were models of miniature vintage airplanes, Da Vinci being the inventor, mathematician and painter that he was, never stopped at one; always starting a new project if he whether he was happy with his last one or not.

“Art is never finished, only abandoned” you said quietly, eyes still roaming the premises as you quoted the late artist.

Taehyung turned his head to look at you, you didn’t catch the affection he had in his eyes still yours were still trying to catch a good look at every invention and painting you passed by. Finally, he stopped at a painting that was situated near the doorway that opposed the one you came through. Your back turned to it as you tried to take in the entirety of everything you just walked through. Taehyung wasn’t a person who stopped at every display, but rather was someone who went straight for the displays he knew or someone had mentioned to him, devoting his time, attention and thinking effort into something that had made its way into the grooves of his mind.

You breathed in praises as you processed everything Da Vinci had made, their imitations anyway, there was a multitude of museums in the world and you never knew which one held the original work up for display. You were aware that even the paintings in the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam weren’t the original ones, the real works locked and kept away for their safety and preservation. You never had time to appreciate other artists, your favourite ones always taking up too much of your time every visit you made and right then was the first moment in the longest while that you had really seen anything from anyone else apart from Gogh and Monet.

You turned to see that Taehyung was staring at you, his ogling only make you blush a deep red as he didn’t even try to hide it. He nudged his head to the side, silently telling you to look at what he wanted you to see. You fixed your body straight only to have the wind knocked out of you, your mouth hanging open as you tried to take in its dark colours.

Behind a velvet railing, its frame encased in glass, and a CCTV camera position by its head, was the Mona Lisa. Her gentle smile looked so much more friendly, pristine, and reverent than it did in all the books and articles you’ve seen it in. You’ve heard of the possibilities of Da Vinci’s legendary painting being of his muse, a lover he never quite stayed for; you also heard of how the painting could be a self-portrait, depicting a human’s possession to be both feminine and masculine, wherein one trait was simply more dominant than the latter. None of these hearsays were vouched to be true, everyone knew Da Vinci to be a trickster. He created contraptions that took scientists years to decipher, only to find that there was either nothing inside, or a few rocks or dead flowers. It wasn’t a surprise that the mystery of the Mona Lisa proved to be unsolvable, the secrecy only making the art even more beautifully disastrous than it originally was; practically a story in every colour the artist used, if not stroke.

Your eyes never left hers, amazement clouding your better judgement and almost making you forget how to breathe. Taehyung wasn’t bothered, if it meant he got to see you look at something with the same amount of love he looked at you with, he would gladly have you like this for hours. It was refreshing to see you engrossed in something you were so passionate in, like how he was with his music.

“What?” You asked, looking at him with curious eyes as you finally found your breathe and closed your mouth. “Do I have something on my face?” you reached up, patting your cheeks to feel anything out of the ordinary. Taehyung chuckled, his wide smile making an appearance and pushing his cheeks upwards as he shook his head no. You were perfect in that moment just as you were.

“Then what are you looking at, Tae? Enjoy the art while you still can.”

“I am.” He said gently, his smile growing bigger as you blushed and turned your eyes to look anywhere else but into his.

“Cheesy” you punched his shoulder lightly, making him take a step back as he grip the place you had hit. Laughing as he pulled you into his side and exiting the exhibit.

It was late afternoon when you and Taehyung had done with the museum, exploring exhibits by artists like Klimt, Monet, Munch and Hopper. Taehyung dipped you mischievously as you stood an admired ‘The Kiss’, playfully imitating the well-known work and earning a few low claps and light-hearted teasing from the people around you.

You walked down the front steps and onto the street with his arm around your shoulder, the hand of which you interlaced your fingers through. As you strolled up the familiar path to your apartment, Taehyung pulled you in closer to his body and planted a soft kiss on your temple. His voice gentle and eyes sincere as he asked you, “Did you enjoy today?”

You smiled at him, your eyes crinkling slightly as your grin grew to its largest. You kissed his shoulder, laying your head on his as you continued to trek.

“I'll always be happy as long as I’m with you, Tae.”

[bestimplantologistindelhi-blog]

Challenging Age Old Definitions In Prosthodontics

Overjet Definition Is Wrong In Literature Throughout”

This article I am putting some random thoughts and tips together gained over last 2 decades in practice and almost quarter of a century spent with dental textbooks. Hope it may benefit some, inspire some and make some thinkers. A few of you may not agree, write to me at bodypainshelpline@gmail.com. I also give a call for a scientific board/ consensus club where contentious issues of science, mainly occlusion can be discussed and joint statement of that board could be made available to all. All are invited to online fb group, “Think Club Occlusion”. I propose such a discussions under leadership of such stalwarts like Dr. Kumarswamy or Dr. Kanir Bhatia. And who better to conduct than Famdent.

Quite by accident, while I was training a young exceptionally intelligent Dentist, I discovered that the definition of “overjet” is wrong in Dentistry. To my mind even Dawson has erred. If you disagree or want to discuss, please write to me. While I was discussing with her ill effects of “overjet” (will explain below), she inspite of being gifted with an exceptional “IQ”, although agreed with need of “zero overjet”, unlike what literature wants 2mm overjet. But she would not get –how a 2mm overjet would destroy a bite? Almost for a year I wrote her off. A year later a similar discussion and I discovered that she was right too all the while. The overjet taught to her throughout and cemented by Dawson’s book was the place she was coming from. When I saw those was left dumb founded.

Did I misunderstand, what is overjet?

Thanks to her I dig into the literature. Here’s my conclusion- either I am completely wrong or textbooks just missed this one including Dawson. Overjet is variably described as:

The projection of the upper anterior and/or posterior teeth beyond their antagonists in a horizontal direction-Farlex Partner Medical Dictionary © Farlex 2012 as given in medical dictionaries.

Clinical Cases in Orthodontics

By Martyn T. Cobourne, Padhraig S. Fleming, Andrew T. DiBiase, Sofia Ahmad, , page 13 describe it as above, except it says from upper palatal surface to lower labial surface.

It further goes on to define the goal of Orthodontic treatment as “ To create 2-4mm overjet”, this part I am going to take up next.

“The horizontal projection of maxillary teeth beyond the mandibular teeth, usually measured parallel to the occlusal plane. When not otherwise specified, the term is generally assumed to refer to central incisors and is measured from the labial surface of the lower central incisors to the palatal surface of the upper central incisors at the level of the upper incisor edge. Unique conditions may sometimes require other measuring techniques. Notice he defines, distance between surfaces, but at the incisal edge”.—Mosby’s Dental Dictionary, 2nd edition. © 2008 Elsevier.

He says 1-3mm overlap is recommended. This to my mind is close to definition of overjet but not perfect. How much should be the overjet I will discuss in next section.

Reproduced from power point/pdf by Brian Laumer, which is apparently a part of Dawson’s book.

As given in Dawson’s book apparently, a reproduction by Brian Palmer. The sentence that describes Overjet is “Overjet is a horizontal measurement”. At the Incisal edge of upper tooth seems to be erroneous and arbitrary call. A definition must be complete in all aspects.

The Book “Euro-Qual Program: Toward a Quality System for European Orthodontic …edited by GeaHeege”, describes overjet almost similarly but elaborately and specifies incisal edge of upper teeth to labial surface of lower teeth, as the measuring points. This does not seem to my mind coming from any basis.

Now you can clearly see that literature for almost two centuries of rapid development of science has not stuck to rigor in defining what is overjet and no consensus or disagreement exists on these definitions. This is against the scientific principles.

Also medicine unlike other basic sciences has discouraged “theorists” or “ logic thinkers” and I have seen authors writing their possible explanations hidden in overdetailed articles for the fear of criticism. This sometimes may lead to confusion and not aid in development of science. Fundamentally two types of thinking exists-

Inductive (Leonardo da vinci, Albert Einstein, Heddy Lamarr-famous Hollyood superstar Aishwarya of 50’s whose technology today  runs Bluetooth, Wi-Fi, CDMA and Torpedo locking on targets. Many inductive   thinkers or theorists like these listed here were discredited in our history of medicine and science and not paid heed to in their times. Even Einstein did not escape this abuse. And was thrown out of Germany by Nobel   Laureates.

 Deductive  or the ones who go into detailed studies and trails. 

 These  thinkers do a great service by checking reality painstakingly but may be  unkind to brothers from the Inductive group. Lets not forget major science  came from former and development came from latter. The scope of the second  is limited to the scope of study and is narrow mostly with less room for  imagination and thinking.

Case in point here is the three inventors named above and scores others. Hence I recommend a balanced emphasis on studies should be given. The concept of “peer review is far overstretched as where would one have gotten peers of Einstein or Leonardo or Heddy who was not even a scientist. Peer incidentally means equal- these scientists were way above. Next article I will write on similar blunders in medicine and dentistry in an article titled “Strange History of Medicine.”

So coming back to the point, apologies for straying away to establish context, to my mind the definition of Anterior overjet should be

“Minimum horizontal distance between lower labial surface and upper palatal surface. “ in maximum intercuspation position.

This of course would not be valid when distances are large and maxillary incisors over proclined lets say to 45 degrees and above. That may be categorized as more or less a form of open bite.

More Minimum distance (blue black line) between two surfaces-labial and palatal of lower and upper incisors would be the “Overjet“ and not the line at the Incisal edge of upper- proposed to be adopted as the definition by Dr. Sanjay Arora. important parameter would be the “ Right overjet recommended” that I would take up next.

How much should be the overjet?

Orthodontic and Prosthodontics literature has variably recommended an overlap of 1-3mm. If above definition of Overjet is accepted then overlap should be “Zero” mm as any overlap produces the possibility of forward movement of lower jaw with disclusion being guided by the posterior cusps. If it is Zero then disclusion would be instantaneous leading to immediate separation/disclusion- which will be vertical in nature in posteriors, leading to no or minimal rubbing of the posterior cuspal inclines. This would else be destructive to bite.

Next article would take up redefining “Anterior guidance”, which to my opinion has been erroneously described in literature as something that involves disclusion on protrusion. The same is true about canine guidance. Such movements of disclusion never take place in any jaw cycle. At best they are ways to test presence of guide planes. Only T-Scan can currently decipher this disclusion that has to be in microseconds. It is the incursion that has to be focused on and not excursion that is almost forceless.

Next article would also look at forces with which anterior teeth should meet at “rest” and “motion”, in order to avoid wear of anteriors.

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[zerab8]

Paper Shackles and Perpetuated Misery

The most bizarre (and profound) realization I’ve experienced surrounds the simplicity of perpetuated misery. Somehow, subconsciously, I was able to replicate my entire toxic lifestyle almost identically. I somehow managed to transition seamlessly from one poor employment situation directly into another, and from one poor romantic interest directly into another. Over the years, I became deeply immersed in my own misery. I eventually made a poor assumption that the problem was me, and at some point began participating in the toxicity. I inwardly began adopting a pseudo “victim” mentality, thus rationalizing my behavior based off the treatment and need for validation from others. I actively engaged with individuals that did not have my best interest in mind, and I was unable to analyze these situations objectively or rationally. I had somehow convinced myself that the treatment I was receiving was the treatment I deserved, which in turn grossly exacerbated all of my problems. In all fairness, it sounds a bit more extreme than it actually is. My father would describe me as being exceptionally even-keeled. And that I am, and that is how I arrived to this point.

Don’t worry, it wasn’t some metaphorical ‘awakening’ that occurred, but rather a ‘Fuck This Shit’ moment. A moment where I became absurdly, yet rationally, introspective. A moment where I where I was able to gauge my actual self-worth and develop a sense of individualism, rather than creating a false reality based upon an amalgamation of the treatment and opinions of others. To be frank, my behavior was embarrassing and unbecoming of the man I am. If you spoke to my friends or family, they would certainly agree that this behavior was not typical of me. At some points, I would be completely unmanageable and mostly unhinged. I felt trapped, as if I always had my back to the wall. For my entire adult life, I felt as if I were in shackles (that I refused to look at). But had I looked sooner, I would have realized that they weren’t real shackles at all, but rather paper shackles that merely offered up the illusion of a cemented, miserable lifestyle. Eventually though, that poisonous fog was lifted. I actively sought out the non-sense that I was engaging in and systematically removed it from my life. I began analyzing and considering my thoughts and emotions objectively. I stopped resisting myself. I began filtering the toxic sludge out completely. And now I’m here. I’m here completely dismantling my lifestyle of comfortable monotony.

The right choice doesn’t always have to be rational or responsible. The right choice for me is quitting my job that has been slowly draining my life force. The right choice for me is buying a round-trip ticket to Europe for 4 months with no financial stability or proper planning. My father has often told me, “In order to love someone else, you have to love yourself first, and you always have to love yourself the most.” So that’s what I’m doing. I’m listening to my instinct and following the call. I’m going to learn about the world, and to more importantly learn about myself. Friedrich Nietzsche famously coined the concept Amor Fati, which essentially means ‘the enthusiastic acceptance of one’s fate.’ And now Amor Fati is engrained into my soul. I openly accept and welcome things in my life, and I will experience and handle those situations as they come. Gone are the days of wondering, ���why me?’ Gone are the days of wondering why some dude cut you off, or why your significant other is treating you like shit. Yogi Bhajan said, “If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.” And that’s it. That’s one of the most important elements of human interaction. Realizing that you aren’t the reason for somebody’s behavior, yet just the unfortunate recipient of somebody’s own demons.

Imagine the absurdity of believing that you were born in the wrong time; too late to explore the World, and too early to explore the Cosmos. I believed this for a long time, and this belief was fueled by my unhealthy way of life and lack of understanding. But exploration isn’t about being the first to discover something; exploration is about having the opportunity to experience new realities and about discovering things about yourself. It’s about making lasting, meaningful connections with people who value you, reinforce you, and most importantly, challenge you. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have such a strong support system. My parents, step-parents, brothers, sisters, and even my dogs have stood behind me and stood beside me for as long as I can remember. And for that, I am eternally thankful and full of love.

I believe many people live their life under the false pretense that their end goal is maintained happiness. That doesn’t seem reasonable to me. I think maybe instead, people should be searching for peace and contentment. They should openly engage with the trials and tribulations that are faced, because in all reality, these things are unavoidable. In my one of my favorite movies, The Beach, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character says, “And me? I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it’s not some place you can look for. Because it’s not where you go. It’s how you feel for a moment in your life when you’re a part of something. And if you find that moment… it lasts forever.” Life is about loving, learning, and experiencing. These encounters, if meaningful in anyway (positive or negative) will stay with you. And that’s all you need, a catalyst for self-growth and a propellant towards peace and contentment. A momentary paradise.

So, with casual uncertainty and endless wonder, I’m out. I’ll be travelling Europe and Southeast Asia for the next few months seeing what the world and I really have to offer eachother.

- Z (sep .18)