#lengthy rant

[wallofville]

uh lex, sir - do you remember helen bryce, your second wife??? you deliberately gave her your house key that opens "every single" door to the mansion before she moved in. so what do you mean you've "never asked"? helen was one of them.

source here from the smallville wiki site.

okay, it made him sound like a hypocrite (or maybe the writers had completely forgotten about helen as a character from season 2 and only appeared in the first two eps post that season) *shocking*. idk maybe be really up front about it to lana, since she was having second thoughts about moving in with you.

i don't want to make this too long but later in the episode, lana had a conversation with chloe about literally feeling she'd probably lose her identity if she does continue to have this (exclusive) relationship with lex.

chloe: well, lana, if you don't trust him now, that dynamic is not gonna change. lana: it's just i keep blaming my trust issues on everyone else. and the truth is, the person that i don't trust is myself. i keep ... haven't always made the right decisions. and when i realize that i have made the wrong ones, i'm too far gone to get myself out.

kinda tired when a (major) female character is revolve around with only men as their arc but at least lana has been aware about this.

[erebus0dora]

ok so i promised you a rant on Eric Bogosian, and i pinky promise i'll try to keep the story short (those beautiful people i've already privately spewed my fascination at deserve peace and love 💜)

TL;DR: Eric Bogosian is a good researcher and judge of human nature, which honestly shouldn't be surprising given his experience, links below

it is easy to google Eric (i'll call him that not out of disrespect, it's just shorter) and get to a conclusion he's just a slightly awkward old man who had extremely weird youth and gives off a powerful bi vibe just for shits and giggles; which is fair, given the wild way he handles most interviews

but hear me out, i'm not an expert, i'm just a book kind of girl. so i sought out the books, and into the books i looked.

back in 1988 he was nominated for Pulitzer's for his "Talk Radio", and i count that as one of the first cases of him using a real story to weave a (semi)fictional one. it is a powerful play, and a gut-punching movie, but I am mentioning it not because of its ehhh artistic value. in my book, it's a proof of the way he tends to critically re-imagine the things he sees and analyses.

keep that in mind when you google his "Operation 'Nemesis".

he initially started looking into the history of Armenian genocide as into the material worth developing into a plot for a movie. but, in his own words, and i quote, "I wrote this book because I had no choice. The Nemesis story required more attention than a simple screenplay."

he is still not a scientist, mind that - and his book reads as a work of fiction. say, there's no way one can look into the head of a deceased person and know their feelings, but one can guess; and Eric guesses, of course. but the fun part is that he makes educated guesses. nearly for each presumption there's a source. a footnote. a quote.

what really strikes me is that he looked into ONE plot line and fished out a complex slice of history, dripping with CONTEXT. White Russian emigration? it's in there. early stages of oil industry? check. the colourful background of Europe in early XX century? all there.

there's no wonder he spent seven years on this book.

i repeat: SEVEN. YEARS.

call me sapiosexual, but that was the moment when i stopped and thought: ok, THIS IS HOT.

what also impresses me is the way he speaks of his past. he admits he's done wild shit, and adds that the best part was the moment he understood he didn't need to be high to be creative. it's the underlying power of "yeah, been there, got better, SO CAN YOU" that gets me.

to keep things short, i'm adding links:

here's a vid where he speaks of the book on Armenian genocide (i had personal reasons to tear up a bit while listening, ngl)

and here's a vid where he speaks of acting, writing, and improv, that basically broke my art block, for which i am going to be grateful for fucking ever, i guess

(if you got to this point of my rant, you deserve a hug and a respectful kiss on the mouth if you're ok with that. go have a lovely day 💜)

[littlenim]

how did the writers of DE make it so addicting to try and get Kim to like... smile near-imperceptibly at you in the flickering light of a cigarette glow. genuinely about to write a google docs page of word salad on this and how the way it's so irrelevant and almost certainly fruitless makes it so tantalizing

[taffywabbit]

[kind of a longwinded vent post i guess, i was gonna just make a sort of tired joke post but then it actually wasn't a joke oops. don't feel obligated to read this, i just need to put my thoughts somewhere]

man. i am wayyy too damn busy this week to be getting hit with as many heavy thoughts and potentially entire-perspective-on-life-altering realizations about my identity and mental health as i have been. why can't i ever have important stuff to think about during literally any time when my life affords me the time and energy to think about it properly. it just ends up being loud background static behind my existing stress every time because it's like... i obviously do have tangible stuff i NEED to prioritize, and it's reasonable for me to put that first, but i still end up feeling like i'm somehow being cowardly or irresponsible by putting off the internal processing that's demanding i pay more attention to it.

i'm literally just living that one post that's like "i'm probably nonbinary but i have a job so i don't really care about that right now" or whatever, except i'm already trans so swap that first part out for a growing list of possible untreated mental illnesses, an increasingly-hard-to-ignore identity crisis, the looming dread that i cannot keep treading water in my current stagnant career forever. also, most notably, a general sense that i have no idea where my life is going or what i want from it now that i've finally broken down my mental wall labeled "you can't pursue anything else you want until you get your ass in gear and start transitioning already", gotten some joy out of that, and then realized there wasn't much else it was actually obstructing. and it's like. breaking that wall DID at least give me a clearer view of things and now i have plenty of other important stuff i could unpack, but it feels like i'm just stuck on a nonstop conveyor belt of "actually i don't have time for that because i'm behind on work again" that prevents me from making real tangible progress in figuring my shit out, even now.

like i am aware this is very much a "GOD i need to talk to a therapist" type situation but guess what! seeing a therapist costs a lot of money (yes, even in canada) and takes time and effort to set up, and if i want those things i'd better get my work done! except oops now i'm once again too busy to do anything BUT work, because i burned out and slowed down and the work took too long again and now i no longer have the time for the genuine proper break i needed in order to do anything for myself besides earn money.

one of the most frustrating parts is that HRT has seemingly made me a lot more emotionally sensitive and outwardly reactive (as it reportedly does for many people), and instead of that being the cathartic experience it should be, it usually just manifests as all my shit very visibly unraveling at the seams as i spiral and make an ass of myself and push people away, where i previously would've at LEAST been able to hold it together a bit better. so not only do i feel like i'm not making progress, it's constantly taking all the energy i can spare just to avoid crashing out and burning all my bridges and leaving myself with no external supports. my friends are kinda all i have right now, and i'm painfully aware that the more i procrastinate sorting out my issues, the more danger there is that i'll damage my relationships with those i care about if any of this internal pressure leaks out at the wrong time. which then becomes yet another fear to add to the pile of stuff i'm not equipped to deal with right now

idk. i was about to instinctively say "i'm fine tho" and that's very clearly a lie, but like. i WILL continue to manage at least. i'm not in any physical danger from myself or others, nothing is gonna happen to me, you don't have to worry about anything like that. i'm just overwhelmed and exhausted, and i don't have any good outlets for talking about this shit anymore besides just dumping it on friends at random, which feels shitty and i would really prefer not to make a habit of it. i just feel like i'm waiting for some kinda stroke of good fortune to come along and perk me up and give me enough of a jolt of extra energy to start doing things differently, kinda like last year when i suddenly stumbled into getting my transition stuff started and then THAT gave me enough confidence and excitement to seek out an ADHD diagnosis a couple months later. just something to break me out of this routine temporarily and help me feel unburdened enough that i can do SOMETHING, y'know?

but in the meantime i feel like i just need to like. signal in some way that i am Really Going Through It, if only to counter my own instinctive efforts to always maintain this illusion of perfect functionality and never cause any problems or allow anyone to worry about me or be annoyed by me ever. professionalism be damned, i make art for a living, i do not have the luxury of separating my job from my self-expression and trying to pretend everything's going smoothly in terms of work will always kinda inherently come at the cost of trying to convince myself it's going smoothly in my personal life too. to some extent i suppose MOST people don't - the shit that affects you at home is gonna affect you at your office job too, sooner or later - but in my case the false wall of work-life balance is like a two-way mirror, because drawing is also my most treasured hobby and lifelong source of comfort, and any outward-facing concept of professionalism i construct only exists for my audience. there's no fooling myself with this stuff, it's all i have and all i do and the only difference is that sometimes people pay me for it so it becomes "work", but not the kind i get to clock out of at 5pm on weekdays. if i'm going to talk about what i'm going through and be open about my feelings at all and encourage people to see me as a living breathing person, it inherently is going to make me look like i'm also complaining about my job, because my job is to make art and my art (paid or not) conveys a part of who i am. i cannot present myself as brand-safe and a human being at the same time, at least not without driving myself (more) insane

anyways this isn't an essay or anything, i don't have a conclusion? thank you for being here i guess. i feel like i'm at least breathing like 5% easier after getting all that rambling out of me, so that's something at least? i will now go buckle down and try to finish my remaining art obligations and then hopefully when that's done i will make a responsible choice and wait long enough before piling more work onto myself to just like. breathe for a sec and seriously consider if there's perhaps a better way to be doing what i'm doing so it does not make me crumble into dust. and also maybe pick like ONE life-shattering realization or crisis to poke at a little bit, if i feel up to it. hey btw did you know this whole post was originally going to just be a very short one where i half-jokingly reflected on the possibility that i might actually be autistic, but then started thinking way too much about why my brain refuses to latch onto that thought and keeps pushing it aside with a big stick labeled "who cares, i'm tired" and this post happened instead. yeah. anyways that's the most recent small addition to The Pile in case you were curious, yippee

[helluvapurf]

*deep breathes* Sooo, those last couple mins from the latest "Full Moon" ep... lets talk about that🍵🍵

Welp, here it is folks... the ep that finally gave us that hyped up "Asmodeon crystal" exchange teased at in the S2 Pt. 2 trailer. And... hooooo boi, I have formed so. many. thoughts. upon rewatching that scene a few times. Some that are... kiiiinda on the rant-y spectrum the more I lingered on 'em, so how bout I share them here lmao

Fair warning in advance, this maaaaay not be particularly "nice" to Stolas in these rambling thoughts, so if anyone out there's a big Stolas(+itz) fan... yall might wanna skip reading ahead- lol .w.;;

*claps*

Okay, so to start things off on a (semi?) positive note, the animation & lighting here is quite beautiful to look at. The glittery curtains, the shine in Blitz's eyes throughout his shifting emotions, even the shots of that one broken chandelier (which I thiiink might've been the same one him & Stolas played under as kids?) was a neat bit of symbolism ngl.

Props to Brandon Rogers as well for his voice-performance on Blitz here cause... gawd did it hit me in the heart how much hurt you feel from his yelling ;-;💔

Curious to see more of the use of Blitz's new Asmodeon crystal in future adventures (esp from that one shot in the trailer w/ him using the portal effects against the DHORK crew), it looks cool~ ✨👍

....ummmm, ok I think that about covers my positives atm. Onto the problems I have with this exchange:

Stolas... okay, you were this close to actually doing a good job ending the Full Moon deal. Admitting to how "wrong" the transaction part of their dynamic was, allowing Blitz more "freedom" via-the crystal (that could also help avoid any legal issues that the Grimoire gave), even wishing him good luck with his I.M.P. business as the night drew to a close... ...buuuuut then Stolas just had to muddle everything up by his whole "even tho you don't have to be with me, I want you with me if you want it~🥺" ...which honestly came off selfish to me than anything else?? Like, dude... if you really ARE regretful of how long you let this deal go for, and truly DO want to let Blitz go... you CAN'T throw in such sappy, lovey-dovey words on top of that?? Otherwise, how can one blame Blitz for getting as confused & flustered as he was throughout that convo... you've basically just sent even more mixed-messages in the grand scheme of things, my dude-🤦‍♀️

"I have wanted you for SO long, the fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that its always about sex..." ...Ummmmm Stolas... did you seriously forget HOW this whole deal of yall's started?? 🤨 Waaaay back in the initial-series pilot, to the first official ep, and pretty much the majority of Season 1:

As far as I checked, Blitz wasn't the one who kept making everything about sex... that. was all. YOU. 😒Heck, literally one of the first things you told Blitz upon reuniting as adults in "The Circus", was that you expected he wanted to "ravish" you-

-so like, get outta here with the whole pushing-the-perv-responsibility-bs onto Blitz... you ain't helping your case >>

Finally... like, it was already getting bad enough by the point of Blitz begging & pleading out of fear he'd lose his livelihood without the book, AND not being allowed space to breathe after getting further pushed away (and thus, more pissed off-)... but THEN on top of all this, Stolas just haaaaad to throw in this lil gem: "Blitz... I think so very highly of you. I didn't realize you think so low of me..." ...Stolas, with all due respect... stfu with that lousy, last-minute uwu-ing self-pity party crap😑Just because you TRIED to show more attentive care & concern post-"Ozzie's", outside of the typical bedroom stuff... that ain't gonna prove shit if you're not gonna be consistent with it. Where was that "high opinion" of Blitz during the two of you getting stuck in the sitcom set during "Seeing Stars", when Blitz was having that panic attack performing live, where all you ended up doing was... just hitting on him/praising his bedroom skills again?? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Like... couldn't you have just, I dunno... TRY to actually cheer him up/comfort him like an actual friend, would? Encourage him on his jokes, "just be yourself", promising another way out of there on his own merit... literally, anything could've worked fine and it wouldn't have come off so skeezy imho >>;;

...*sighs* so, yeah... thats basically what I had to get off my chest regarding the ending of "Full Moon". Honestly, had the writers actually committed to Stolas cutting off Blitz (even if harsh), giving the crystal with no strings, then going about their separate ways afterwards, I would've been totally fine with the scene tbh. But all this... odd lowkey-blaming of Blitz thrown in, the sappy words, and Stolas not once actually-apologizing during all this (Like, literally I checked and the only utterance of "sorry" seemed to come from Blitz's end before he got kicked out... for what, I dunno- 🤷‍♀️). Sorry for the length btw, but hopefully that about covers my thoughts on the matter-

[buffaloborgine]

Before reading, I want to emphasize, I don't hate Sephiroth as a character, I hate how some people dismiss all of his heinous acts and cling to "He is a victim" and shove the tragedy he caused onto other characters. About that one post about Sephiroth and someone replying to it, let me be clear: I don't deny Sephiroth was a victim. Like many, he was the victim of Shinra and Hojo, that's undeniable. But to write like he is a good person and all the bad things he did were influenced by his upbringing? NO. Sephiroth is selfish, and no matter what you try to bend the narrative to fit your imagination, it is a fact. When the theme of FFVII is about "imagination/illusion", if we use the structure of protagonist vs antagonist, Cloud is the one that was affected by the illusion but he accepted help from others and got over it. Sephiroth would simply be the reversed version of that, he wasn't even illusioned, he knew for sure what he is but deciding that it was better for him if everyone else, and even himself stayed in that illusion forever. Sephiroth wasn't the only character to be affected by Shinra's evilness, but then let's take a look at those who also were affected: - Zack once learned and accepted that Shinra is evil had started running away with Cloud. - Angeal and Genesis don't share the same reaction but eventually once accepted the truth, they both rebelled against Shinra (also Lazard). - The Turks and Rufus are easy to see, I don't need to explain. - The massacred 1st SOLDIER unit mentioned in Dirge of Cerberus, fighting against the creation of inhuman Deepground facility. - Deepground themselves, they know what they are and they fought against Shinra, knowing they would even die if they do. So many would say, but Sephiroth does disobey Shinra and that he wanted to leave Shinra. Vetoing orders onto co-workers' heads doesn't seem to be a good way to protest, rather that's just push the responsibility onto others. And about "wanting to leave Shinra", as far as I remember, Sephiroth just said he would consider the idea, not that he would ever leave, and even till the event of Nibelheim, he didn't leave Shinra, not at all. So let's put this together, should we just see Sephiroth as a victim and say he isn't accounted for other tragedy happened in FFVII? Personally? Of course not. There are other victims and they fought back their abuser in different ways, maybe causing mayhem on the route but they still fought for their freedom. Sephiroth has never once given a single thought for others, and he was comfortable staying in Shinra, after all, he got the privilege for 1st Class, can veto orders and get admired by other SOLDIERs. To debunk people who claim that Sephiroth was thoughtful about Genesis' injury: Who was the one causing that mess in the first place? And even when you look at the cutscene, it was less of caring thought but more of "Why I am inadequate for this?" If he was sincere, he would have gone to check on Genesis later, but nope, he assumed Genesis was fine, like really, what kind of friend is that? No fucking friend would just assume friend is fine knowing they are hurt, no fucking friend would just condemn friends as traitor while not knowing the reason why they leave, and no fucking friend would keep their friends in the dark while knowing they are being tricked, abused. In conclusion, please stop saying Sephiroth is a good friend to anyone. If he cannot earn Zack's forgiveness, he is a prick, but if even Weiss stood against him (in DFFOO), consider he surely won't get any redemption.

[citadelofmythoughts]

Who is the most misunderstood member of Team RWBY and why is it Yang?

[heister-shmeister]

houston in payday 3 upsets me a little

hello chat its been a minute im here to post a take. i dont like houstons design in payday 3.

actual flirting vs harassment

worth mentioning i dont own payday 3 and havent paid a lick of attention to houstons payday 3 voice lines or anything but visually it looks a lot like they took the suave rogue route with his character which is an interpretation but not the one i wanted and frankly not one i find interesting in payday 2 he doesnt look like someone who youd find rob a bank in payday 3 i would feel unsafe in a room with him his unassuming appearance in 2 fits his stealth based skillset practicality is very important to him he doesnt like people touching his things and he is not suave by any meaning of the word i dont think it was intentional that they made him as awkward as he is but "i think i ate too much bran this morning" is NOT suave rogue behavior its not giving james bond mission impossible hes a different kind of stealth he stays out of sight and doesnt like talking to people he lacks charisma but the tuxedo design just makes him look like hes supposed to be manipulating the casinogoers charming security into not minding when he takes a keycard

thats not who he is his whole thing is staying far the fuck away from people and not being seen hes also the mechanic he takes care of the van and keeps it in shape i dont think hed be inclined to care if he got oil on an expensive tuxedo anyway, he steals money bc of poverty and kleptomania(headcanon) not bc of greed and glamour like hoxton but a tuxedo just isnt convenient for being a mechanic also would he really fucking put all that on i dont think so that man would wear an unzipped hoodie, a hawaiian print shirt, a very loose tie, cargo pants on a good day, and the sneakers your dad wears he cares to put on a tie bc his brother cares not because he gives a shit about being seen in a lovely suit and tie

he doesnt care about how hes seen because he wont be seen at all why would he dress up so fancy if his intentions are for nobody to see him in the first place

he looks like i would be afraid to see him on a plane he looks like how he would look if he WAS hoxton there are a couple of things in the new design that i do enjoy

for one his eyes are very similar theyre still very sullen and tired looking which is good but with his angrier looking eyebrows it feels a lot more discomforting

the second thing i like is the addition of the eyebrow slit which loosely supports the headcanon that he lost an eye in prison

[candiiee]

I know it's childish to still like paw patrol (season one was peak ngl), but SHUSH ITS MY COMFORT SHOWW

[bagels-and-cream-cheese333]

I dunno man, I think I’m just,,, the best? mayhaps someone who unbelievably flatters someone else. idk tho… maybe I’m just cool like that? maybe I’m just amazing? maybe I could drop and give him 20? idk tho..

[erebus0dora]

um hi, since i have mentioned things about Eric Bogosian being perfectly capable of portraying a seductive predator (which made some of you seek out and watch Special Effects, I AM VERY SORRY), i feel like adding a tiny bonus

in Special Effects, he's around 30; in Wonderland (yes, the GIF is from there, but for the love of all that is holy, this is also not a particularly good movie, be forewarned!) he's around 50; in IWTV he's around 70. usually one can tell something about an actor reaching their prime, or limiting their abilities, or something like that

Eric, for lack of a better word, is not just consistent; he is always WHOLE

if you've seen him in his 30s, you know he is capable of the same movement patterns and weird verbal shit and quirky facial expressions in his 70s. the only difference is maybe that he kinda runs slower and is less willing to get naked

honestly, to me watching his works isn't like perceiving different stages of development of the same picture; it's like looking at a stereo image with all the added layers from different angles

p.s.: i know this explanation hardly makes any sense but my morning is lacking coffee, so i needed to speak of anything that gives me the energy boost to get through the day

p.p.s.: honestly, speaking of Wonderland - the most memorable part of this movie is him enthusiastically telling a story about the actual wounds the handcuffs left after filming, and the way it took a year to fully heal...

[supernatural-bias]

having strong character playlist opinions is sooo exhausting. i see everyone with their six hour playlists based on Blorbo's One and Two having a great time and i want to join them so bad.but i physically cannot bring myself to add songs to a playlist about a character if they don't make me want to set myself on fire in an act of unbridled passion. sitting here, lamely holding teh arms of the only two (2) songs that make sense, because my brain refuses to listen to any sort of music number that doesn't invoke a biblical reaction from me. i ask for song recommendations about Them, get the Top Ten TikTok Sounds Of The Week in response, and politely remove myself so that way i don't fall to my knees and vomit blood in front of anyone

[charybdiaa]

Oil and Sport - CP2077 fic Ch 8

Chapter 8: Moon Over Marin

Entire Fic Description:

Johnny joined the NUSA Marines fresh out of high school entirely because he wasn't media literate enough to hear the warnings from the songs his heroes sang to him. Now he's ragged, aged a decade, and half metal, unable to grapple with newfound irritability and a near constant state of manic rage. But that hardly matters- because 2007 is a great first year for the band Samurai as him, Kerry Eurodyne, and Nancy Hartley work their way to the top of Night City's hardcore underground. But behind the stage, Kerry has a feeling there's something more complex going on behind Johnny's dark aviators and violent hands. The only issue is: How will Kerry push past his wall without being burned? Easy answer. It's just not possible.

[janesurlife]

It's so fucking hilarious (and by hilarious I mean absolutely ridiculous and scummy) how dts has scrapped together clips from two completey different races and showed it as one just to create stupid tension between two drivers who are already competitors (and friends too) like they don't need fake drama to be aggressive against eachother, they will be against eachother regardless but obviously it's for dumb fans who actually didn't watched the race and will go spew hate on twitter after watching this terrible editing.

[gods-favorite-autistic]

If Paul had the choice he would be a history teacher send tweet

[transtalesofdoom]

I'm a bit conflicted about getting he/him'd online. Online pronouns in general are a weird thing.

Back when I was a woman, I was pretty insistent on people using she/her, because people would use he/him by default. When strangers immediately used she/her, half of the time they were about to be sexist. (Genuinely had a guy request to talk to a different moderator because I clearly was on my period. Don't miss my moderation days.)

Now I'm fine with any pronouns in theory, and he/him is my favorite of the bunch. But when people use he/him for me now (not counting online friends), it's almost definitely because that's their default. They just assume I'm a guy because everyone's a guy. And what am I gonna do? Correct them? "Hi yes my pronouns are indeed he/him, but not like that"?

There isn't really a pronoun that tells me people have perceived me in all my complexities. Before, she/her would at least be an indicator that I was more than the default Mii to them.

I know there's neopronouns, but they don't feel like something I want for myself. No pronouns is an option, but I know that gets annoying to implement.

So really, I'm fine with any, but you must also submit a 500-word essay on what my gender means to you emotionally, spiritually, and carnally.