#lena-rambles

[you-are-my-neverland]

love love love godhood... do you mind talking about ashka and naying? whatever you want, these kinds of dynamic just fascinate me endlessly <3

oh, i would be happy to discuss ashka and naying. maybe too happy, even.

where to start? naying doesn't remember the first seven years of her life, only waking up to find ashka watching over her. he tells her that her parents died in a car accident, the same one that injured her severely enough that she has to relearn just about everything. to her, he's the only parental figure she's ever known, and she's always felt a complicated sense of debt, awe, worship, and love towards him. sometimes, she felt as if she didn't know him, or understand him, that he was a distant point she could never reach, but she never doubted that, whatever happened between them, he loved her.

and then, when she's eighteen, he disappears. vanishes from her life. he had said he was going to meet someone, and then had never come home. she made missing posters, even talked to the police, but, eventually, it feels as if everyone but her stopped caring, stopped looking. the police found his bloodstained clothes, ruled it as a death, or murder, without a body, let it grow cold. naying dabbled in alcoholism, anger, and ruining her life one piece at a time. she never gives up hoping that he's alive, insisting that he's alive, because sometimes he leaves her things, groceries or gifts, things she knows are from him but can never prove.

so he didn't die. he didn't abandon her, he's not gone like everyone says. he just, for some reason, can't come home, and even though naying has rationalized it a hundred times in her mind, there's still a part of her that whispers he left you behind. it doesn't help that when she enters the outsider world, she's told some rendition of that line; her knee jerk denial is a defense mechanism, response, a way to protect herself, to not let it become the truth.

the ashka naying knows, though, the man that is her father, is a monster to the outsider world. he's the perpetrator of the greatest tragedies in the past century, a man honored as a god and then reviled as a devil. for his own greed, for his own selfish desires, he committed genocide (intentionally?), slaughtered a generation (intentionally), and, apparently, kidnapped a child just when they thought he might have gone to ground for good.

ashka is a man who looks to be in his thirties, but has actually been alive for almost a century. his believed power is unmatched, and, in the fifty plus years since the Battle of Black Cliff, he has become the bogeyman of the Outsider World. he's the last member of the last, revived godhead, a vengeful ghost who will not let the world move on. as long as he's out there, he's a threat to everything the Families and the World stand for. he's Wanted Number One basically. no one knows why, but everyone knows that, when she was seven years old, naying yue, heiress to the yue family, the next in line to be saintess, vanished. was taken. kidnapped. by a man described to be no other than ashka mihari.

most of the world has accepted that she was killed, but some outsiders never stopped looking, including the yue family. no body, no crime. when our naying appears again at twenty one, she is and isn't the naying yue they are looking for - to naying, they have the same name, but they aren't the same person. to everyone else, she's either a fake or a copy. no one knows the game ashka is playing, least of all naying herself.

now, in terms of writing, ashka and naying's dynamic/relationship haunts the narrative. particulary for naying, who has the main pov of godhood, ashka is a ghost in her past, always cropping up in her thoughts, memories flooding in at the most inopportune moments. the littles things bring him to mind; in her memories, we are shown a man who loved his daughter, a man who sometimes hurt her in ways only father's can (not in a dv/sa way though. let me make that clear; there are enough other evil people in godhood), a daughter who tried her best to understand him and be the best she could be. she's bitter and angry at him, but also longing for him. she just wants him to return, to prove he didn't abandon her.

to prove everyone else wrong.

but for the majority of godhood, we have naying's pov and memories contrasting with what other people tell her about ashka. we slowly learn the extent of the things he has done, the reasons he is hated and reviled. naying might not judge him, but the readers will have to form their own opinions on what sort of man he is. ashka himself doesn't make a (re)appearance until close to the end of the first novel at least; he himself haunts the narrative alongside the girl naying was.

[lena-rambles]

"My deepest secret has been revealed: I am actually Caterina Algren from a century ago!"

Only a century ago?

Ok, but really, would you like to share some context because this is very interesting...

heehee i was hoping someone would ask about this one.

alright so. i, as the writer, know the royal family tree since this family got into power and in the spirit of ~creative~ (/s) royal names, i recycled almost the same 4-5 names. caterina is one of them — my main character is the sixth in her direct line. the quintus grandmother is who the name originally came from when the algrens came into power.

now the young nephew of the royal chamberlain, elijah, was studying the important family trees and, with logic only a six year old could have, wondered the following:

“When I was visiting my sister, he asked how old you were," Elijah said. "I told him you were eighteen, nearly nineteen, and he said that didn’t make sense because if you were Zacharias I’s sister, you had to be at least 108 years old.” I laughed and heard Theodore chuckling beside me. “My deepest secret has been revealed: I am actually Caterina Algren from a century ago! Or maybe, I’m the Quintus grandmother.” “After I regained my breath from laughing, I said to him, ‘Addison, if the princess were that old, would she look so young?’ He conceded my point, and the conversation was over, but I heard him asking his mother later that day.”

i hope that makes sense? it's also a first draft so not the smoothest. anyway, my writing lizard brain loves this joke but i probably wouldn't be able to include it unless the reader knows the family tree lol

i just love the family tree so much. a lot of political and historical tension, unexpected relations, and just sksks i get a lot of subplot fodder from it because bloodlines are big part of this country's culture

[someguycalledratcliff]

Gotta love that Gwen's reaction to finding out her boss tried to murder someone is basically "Oh you couldn't even kill a guy? How embarrassing. Pathetic. Imagine if your boss found out. Now give me your job." I respect the hustle.

[soledadcatalina]

im fascinated by the early disco gameplay where kim apparently also has health/morale bars as well. given how often harry takes damage just thinking and not doing anything else how fucked it would be to be in a middle of conversation and out of nowhere "kim - 1 morale, - 1 hp" like bro what happened

[lostlavenderer]

Current TMAGP theory that I'm lowkey obsessed with: Alice used to be in Lena's managerial position

NOW HEAR ME OUT.

Starting off, we're immediately informed that Teddy and Alice have been working together at the OIAR for four years, and it's implied later that Alice has been there for longer.

In the same scene, we learn that Alice recommended Sam for the job, which Lena sounds rather delighted about. Judging by her tone, I'd say she values Alice as a worker surprisingly more than she does Gwen. Why is that, when Gwen actually really values her job and tries to do it with meticulous accuracy?

Next, while she tries to downplay it, you constantly get small hints that Alice knows really bloody well how the OIAR works including the response department they used to have. With everything she says, to me she really carries an attitude that screams 'goofing around but I know more about this place than any of you ever will'. That's the feeling I get too when she's on about the categorization when explaining it to Sam in the first episode, too:

It's all very 'I know exactly what happens with these categorized files and I know what does and doesn't matter'.

So. What I think, is that she used to be the manager before Lena, and that she was the one to hire both Colin and Teddy. I think back then, there was still a response department, whatever the fuck that means, and that the three of them were involved in it and went through some shit.

(Sidenote- I'm also convinced that the old response department is responsible for locking up whatever that creature in the Magnus Institute in ep10 is)

Anyway, they went through some shit together and Alice personally made sure the response department was shut down. Freaked the fuck out or maybe even overwhelmed with (Entity-related?) power, she steps down, instead hiring Lena, ambitious and clever Lena, as her replacement. After all, Lena claims she started at the bottom too:

Yet Alice still decides to stay at the OIAR, because knowing what she knows, she wants to stay closeby in case anything like [REDACTED PAST TRAUMATIC EVENT] ever happens again, especially because Colin and Teddy are still working there as well.

(MAYBE, but this is digging really damn deep, maybe somehow Colin and Teddy forgot said Traumatic Event for some perhaps Beholding-related reason, and Alice stays to protect them from it happening again. It's why she's almost glad that Teddy finally gets another job)

Now she's just another worker who claims she doesn't give a damn. Because she's been there; she knows what happens when you care, when you let incident files get to you. She won't go there again, and she won't let Sam either.

Anyway. Ex snarky office manager Alice is canon TO ME.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Official office lady Tobirama cosplay post (bc I'm too poor to afford his stupid armor)

+ FUCKING INSANE ART BY @elhnrt WHO IS AMAZING AND I FUCKING SCREAMRD AND CRIED AND THREW UP WHEN SHE DREW IT I STILL HAVENT RECOVERED

Taking this bad boy to ANYC, so if u see me in the wild, make sure to come say hello

[hubba1892]

"Oh my god - how much I enjoyed that. At half time I said if we can turn this it is something we can tell our grandkids. I see mine in 10 days so I can tell them."

[katiemcgrathisdaddyaf]

so I personally needed a compilation of the Kara “I can be subtle” Danvers moments from @supergirlpolls and I made this

[soupdwelling]

she’s honestly hilarious

[fox-guardian]

I have thoughts and since I keep forgetting to draw it, I will write it out

✨️ fashion headcanons for the oiar crew ✨️

Alice (I've already drawn her but I'm adding it here again anyway):

General thoughts: she enjoys layers when possible, fits the "tiny top large bottoms" silhouette most often in her outfits, and tries to throw plaid/flannel into her outfits in some way as often as possible. It's a minor obsession. Jewelry-wise she's typically a silver girlie but is far from against mixing metals and likes wearing piercings with colorful plating

the oiar likely has a pretty solid dress code and I highly doubt she follows it, especially after having been there for nearly a decade

At work I think she keeps it relatively simple. Comfy flannel shirts and/or t-shirts, hoodie if she's cold, and maxi skirts or jeans. Sneakers. It's nothing super fun (the workplace doesn't deserve her at her most fabulous) but it's comfy

Jewelry is also kept simple, studs and plain rings for her ears (snakebites are a given). She also wears her fav bracelets

Outside of work she gets sillayyyy. Bit chunky jewelry, novelty pieces. More fun frilly skirts, some shorter ones. Her nicer outside-of-work looks are somewhere between "hippie" and "that one type of iconic fashionable older woman" she also wears makeup more often Outside of work

Concert attire varies but she gets more grungy with ripped/shredded pieces and band tees (obviously) and sluts it up with shorter skirts/shorts and cropped shirts

Fancy clothes are as 80s as possible. This woman owns multiple shoulder-padded button downs

Pajamas are usually basic sets (often mismatched) or just like. Old t shirt and underwear.

Sam:

General thoughts: priorities comfort and tries to stay comfy as much as possible. You have never felt a wardrobe more soft overall. He wears plain earrings and the occasional friendship bracelet, otherwise not much jewelry I also think he wears as little sock as possible (unless it's funny) (alice got on him for wearing socks with sandals one time back in uni and that's all he wore in front of her for months)

Idk what the exact dress code for the oiar would be, but assume he adheres as much as possible

Prefers soft cotton mocknecks/turtlenecks to crisp button downs, with a nice cardigan instead of a blazer. Trousers are sensible, but soft. He probably irons them

Casual outfits are. Very casual. Sweatpants and sweatshirts/pullovers.

Nicer outside of work outfits aren't very different from work outfits. Date nights might require jewelry (rings, maybe a chain or two). I think he's a gold guy

He does have like one nice suit for special occasions but he suffers through the stiff fabric

Pajamas are button-up sets or literally just his underwear.

Gwen:

General thoughts: this woman is so monochromatic to me. She's very "dark mode basic" if that makes sense. She's not trendy but her looks are always solid. Owns a lot of black. Most outfits are fitted and snug. Wears minimal jewelry and always silver (even though gold would look so good) has a secret love of nice vintage pieces

Work looks are professional and crisp. Pencil skirts, button downs, and a sensible sweater typically (its cold) and plan heels/booties. After having to flee from ink5oul her work wardrobe has graduated to Trousers And Flats For Booking It. Her "girlboss" outfit is a matching blazer/trouser combo

Casual outfits are still well put together. Enjoys miniskirts and tights (if she's feeling bold she'll wear tights with a pattern) and off-the-shoulder tops. Wears basic chokers and slightly more jewelry overall. If she's feeling balls to the walls INSANE she might wear a dark red lip.

She doesn't really have a nicer vs comfy casual wardrobe, so all that's left is special occasion stuff. A nice dress for get togethers with "friends". An especially nice vintage coat she snagged. These pieces might have color other than gray maybe.

Pajamas. Hm. I think she would either have simple button down sets or frilly nightgowns. She definitely dreams of having a nightgown fit for touring a haunted castle I think

Celia:

General thoughts: butch <3 she has learned she really likes the look and feel of a more masculine shape and fit to her clothes after getting a hard reset on her identity. She doesnt wear a lot of jewelry outside her ear and facial piercings, and it is all gold, and she also has snakebites but prefers studs (slightly less enticing for babies to grab than hoops)

Work outfits are nice. Vests and trousers, with the occasional cardigan if it's cold.

Casual outfits are jeans and nice fitted t-shirts. A denim jacket perhaps. I also think she works out in some capacity so there's shorts and muscle tanks also (no bras ever, shits shwangin)

Nicer outside of work stuff.... I don't think she owns any special occasion things right now?? She simply would not have an occasion/reason to have them yet maybe. Maybe she gets a fancy vest for date night idk. She'd probably signify This Is A Special Occasion with nice bracelets and rings. Maybe a neck chain.

Pajamas are usually t-shirts and lounge bottoms/comfy shorts. She is forced to be fully dressed lest she teleport in her sleep while half/fully naked

Lena:

General thoughts: this is already so difficult. I think she would dress very practically. No jewelry unless you count her glasses chain, no skirts, and only very short heels/flats. She keeps proper walking shoes with her if need be.

Work fits. She has a whole power suit in my brain that's just a matching white blazer and trousers, and then the red button down. The white is the biggest power move. I think she has a few of these in different colors (black and iron grey) but the white one is the main one.

Casual.... I don't even know man. Probably also practical over pretty. Probably only wears men's pants due to the pockets. Probably owns a very practical leather jacket. Whatever she wears, she does numbers at the lesbian bars

Nicer out of work clothes.... probably not much different than her work clothes. She may tolerate a dress if she needs to attend a wedding.

Pajamas: she either has the button up sets. Wears an old t-shirt and bottoms from a bygone era of her life and both are full of holes. Or she sleeps butt ass naked with a gun in her hand.

Colin:

General thoughts: office dress code can kiss his ass. He's comfortable but practical, and I think he enjoys graphic tees. He has silver earrings and maybe a secret body piercing but doesn't wear anything else visible. He doesn't really bother with buying new jewelry but wouldn't care about mixing metals if he did.

He wears jeans to work, graphic tees, and a button down so he can call it business casual. Sneakers also. Programmer socks (gift from alice) The jeans are ripped (partially from crawling on his knees dealing with the computers so often) and he patched them up. I think he's big on mending. Also sews his name into items he may leave unattended (thank you merch drop for this idea)

Casual isn't much different. Maybe no button down, maybe he keeps it for flair. At home he wears pants/trousers as little as possible I think. The programmer socks stay on tho.

Nicer outside of work stuff. He owns like one suit.

Pajamas: butt ass naked. If he's cold he just gets more blankets.

Teddy:

General thoughts: thank you alice for pointing out that teddy wears shades of pink im gonna eat this. I also think he wears gold jewelry and those would look so nice together so I am Extra Eating This. Beyond this I don't have toooo many thoughts? I think he enjoys fashion. Knows what different cuts of items will do for him. He likes piecing together a solid Fit even if it's simple.

Work fits include button downs and sweaters, with the classic argyle vest. I think he would enjoy a fun pattern.

Casual fits are practical but stylish, and I think he considers himself legally required to buy anything with Teddy bears on it that fits him. I think he wears light jewelry even on more casual days, he likes to sparkle a bit.

Nicer out of work fits. I think he owns a couple shiny button downs. Does it up with the gold jewelry, chains, rings, a nice watch, the woiks. He has at least one funky patterned pair of pants.

Pajamas: usually sticks to old tshirts and comfy bottoms, has like one button up set that's Christmas themed (twas a gift) that he only wears that time of year, and one (1) legally mandated teddy bear onesie.

those are the vibes. They are subject to change as we learn more ofc but here they are <3

[cult-of-the-eye]

I'm actually wildly obsessed with everyone's little isms in the OIAR, like how Celia says "if you like" cause she literally is gauging their desires so shee can see how to use them???? Or Gwen and Lena's whole "am I clear?" "crystal" cause lena really does want to keep everyone safe, she wants Gwen to understand the magnitude of what she wants???? Or Sam's little humming when he's nervous and then humming before PRETTY MUCH EVERY CASE showing that he isn't 100% certain in his quest to find out more, highlighting how much Celia did manipulate him in the end!!!!

[you-are-my-neverland]

colour ask! for tmotl where applicable — dusty rose, blood red, and primrose yellow

thanks so much for asking!!!

Dusty Rose: Your personal favourite character in your wip

you come into my home and ask me to choose my favorite child? be serious.

...hmm, but on a more serious note in that regard, from tmotl maybe india? if only because she was the first one to really come to life in my head. and because tmotl was her story first, and therefore that means she was the one i wanted to write about. a lot of india's character comes from other characters, emotional journies, and archetypes that i love a lot. she's the flawed anti-hero, the nebulous villain, but most importantly she's a teenage girl filled with rage.

Blood Red: Favourite piece of dialogue from your wip

oooh, another hard one, since i have so much dialogue & so many words to choose from.

alright, this is one of my fave bits from tmotl (i attached the whole scene for context, but it's the last line):

“Kevla isn’t my home,” June said, rigid and unyielding. “This city abandoned us, India. It abandoned all the children like us. What do I owe it?”

India was silent. She felt tears welling in her eyes, inexplicably. Her heart hurt. Kevla abandoned me, she thought, but it also brought me back. No one else ever did that for me. No one else saved me like Kevla did. 

“Kevla is rotten to the core,” June continued. She was as close to impassioned as India thought she would ever visibly be, reminding India of the times June had opened up before, the anger burning like a bright, cold, distant star in her eyes. “You can’t fix Kevla. All you can do is remove some of the damage.”

Would it stop at just one Benefactor? It wouldn’t end with Catrin. Catrin had never been the evil June thought her to be, and even if India admitted that Catrin was an evil, it was the lesser of a magnitude of much, much worse evils. 

“Do you think I don’t know that?” India asked, voice smaller now. “You spent more than half your life locked away, June. You didn’t live here, you just grew up here. I’m the one who spent time in the orphanages. The one who lost shit to floods, and spent time on these streets. I’ve been out in this city a lot longer than you have. I know it’s rotten. I know it’s ugly. But if you leave it be, all it will do is get worse. I might not be able to fix it, but I can stop the damage before it happens. That’s what us vigilantes do. But what you did is like tearing down a dam. You’re causing a flood. A hurricane. Kevla can’t protect itself from this.”

June’s brow was knitted together. She felt very far away from India, even though they were too close. India felt helpless all of a sudden. They didn’t understand each other. She wasn’t even sure if she could understand herself. How did you explain that Kevla was alive to someone who didn’t already know it, who didn’t already believe it?

June might have grown up next to India, but she had spent the majority of her life in white rooms within The Organization. It wasn’t her fault, but her actions had consequences she couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

“Good,” June said quietly, after a long second. Her voice rose with the wind.

“Good,” India echoed flatly. She felt like an echo chamber, only able to repeat back what June said.

“Maybe Kevla needs a flood,” June said. “Maybe Kevla needs a hurricane.”

and then here's a little bit of dialogue from the wip i'm working on right now (which is still untitled):

“I used to think I knew you better than anyone else,” Irene said. 

“That’s a lie,” Lev replied instantly, the ferocity of it surprising both of them. She could tell in the way he drew back slightly, expression turning guarded and wary. He didn’t elaborate, but Irene had already absorbed the hit like a jab to her pulse point, with instantaneous pain and reaction.

“You’re right,” she said, looking away and pulling her hands closer to her. “I never understood you.”

“I know,” Lev said flatly, the emotion draining from his face.

Primrose Yellow: What’s your least favourite genre to write?

i'm not super into straight romcom/slice of life, as i like to have something at least a little hefty in there. historical fiction is not always my vibe, since i think it requires a lot of knowledge i'm not interested in investing it. i also don't really like straight scifi, although i sometimes explore elements of it.

[lena-rambles]

find the word

Thanks for the tag @lyssa-ink! Her post is here. I was given whisper, sing, and smile.

whisper ; long live the queen

“How are you two enjoying your evening so far?” “It’s lovely,” Soteria said, a hawk-like smile whispering on her lips. “Your family does a wonderful job every year, Your Highness.” “Thank you. And thank you as well for lending us some of your servants for the food preparation.” “It was the least we could do for this sacred event.”

sing ; once upon a cursèd dream

Once upon a dream, I saw my soulmate. She was, and still is, the most beautiful person with honey-light hair and hazel eyes. We never speak in our dreams—as is the limitation for a soul bond with shared dreams—but I imagine her voice is like that of a nightingale's song. I love her, and my heart screams at the universe for its unfair gift.

smile ; long live the queen

“Hello, Coriander. You look well.” “Thank you, princess. Time has smiled upon you as well.” “What brings you out of Varius?”

Soft tagging @ovect, @nightinthebuilding, @gummybugg, @zmwrites + whoever else wants for dream, soft, and light. Happy writing!

[bumblee-stumblee]

Radfems and actual gender dysphoric people had indeed called this. We had said the sudden explosion/rate of transitioners now was like, insane. That perhaps, yeah maybe a lot of this should be gate kept from minors. There's not a lot you can do about adult trenders except push back on the rights they keep trying to, and have eroded.

The people that kept pushing that you didn't have to be dysphoric or be diagnosed as dysphoric to be trans were doing so to capture as many teens and younger adults into falling for the idea they could only be gender non-conforming as a trans identity. To have them fight for their own community only to throw them away and shame them when those same individuals detransitioned. They had one use for the children trying to escape gender roles and misogyny.

Yep, there are some genuinely well meaning people in the trans community that will be harmed by the actions of the louder shrieking wheels unfortunately.

And while I agree that some of the kids with pronouns aren't dysphoric and generally just terminally online, the recommendation of that bottom comment would have been seen as abuse towards that child. It is not solely on the parents, it is on the doctors that also fear mongered these parents into thinking their child would harm themselves if they did not receive hrt treatment, surgery or puberty blockers. It's on the whole of the community that also stayed quiet and allowed the people that brayed about how this was necessary and how kids need to transition. It's on the medical community and people in positions of power that kept claiming we just needed to do the kind thing.

Check out the thread, it's a pretty interesting read.

[leanned-too-hard]

Nevermind I regret watching dnp now WHAT DO U MEAN I HAVE 18 YEARS OF LORE TO CATCH UP TO. Being a phannie is not even a job anymore its a full career plus retirement

[supercorp-land]

It physically pains me to watch the “office overflowing with flowers” scene. like what in the gay shenanigans simpest simp was that?

Sighhh