#legit the first thing that came to mind when I saw that page was ‘OH NO HE’S HOT’ from SpongeBob lmao idk why

[persephoneflowerpetals]

Alright, remember when I said I went to the bookstore and got some Hades stuff?

Well I got that color by number villains book I’ve been wanting and it has some Hades pics in there but the main thing I wanted to show you guys are these pages from the Disney Twisted Tales coloring book (yes, surprisingly Disney made a coloring book based off of their books from the series and it’s really cool!!!) AND JUST PLEASE LOOK AT THESE WHILE I DIE

I LITERALLY CANNOT

I ALMOST SCREAMED IN THE STORE BECAUSE WHEN I FOUND THAT FIRST PAGE OF HIM ON HIS THRONE

LIKE HOLY HADES HE IS SO HOT!!!! THEY MADE HIM SO HANDSOME I’M SIMPING SO HARD RN AAAAAAAAAA 💙💙💙💙💙😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 EXCUSE ME SIR WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO LOOK THAT HOT!?

Oh and I also found these super cute Pegasus succulent thingies and I was really tempted to buy it to put it in my office at work, but I was like “nah I’d rather have a real succulent in there instead of a plastic one” lol

OH! And I almost forgot! I went to a store called Five Below (it’s basically just a $5 version of the dollar store and has semi-better quality stuff lol) and I found a baby Pegasus plush lol I instantly bought that because I couldn’t pass that up lmaoooo

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Demeter

Have I been using this series to vicariously punish Belphie for the events of Season 1? I cannot confirm nor deny that statement.

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter

Lucifer

Didn't think too much of the "human" when they popped out of the portal. Sure they had a straw hat and a huge basket full of produce but it wasn’t like they were… Wait… No… Were they…?

Oh no. Oh nonononono, this is not good…!!

Demeter is notoriously doting and protective of her children (see her freakout and breakdown after Hades abducted of Persephone as proof) and they've pretty much done the EXACT. SAME. THING. here!!

It was a mad scramble by him and Diavolo to contact and appease their godly Mother Bear before she came roaring down to Devildom herself to turn them all into barley. Thankfully, Zeus must have intervened at some point because though she was indeed PISSED, she didn't threaten to barge in… yet.

She made one thing very clear. Bend so much as a single hair on her precious child's head and there would be WAR…

The MC received a 24 hour security detail after that. Just Mammon wasn't going to cut it, he needed NO chances. It was a full rotation of Mammon, him and Beel for the entirety of their stay (Asmo and Levi both threw hissy fits at the prospect of babysitting, Satan couldn’t be trusted not to kill them just to irritate him, and Belphie was out for… obvious reasons).

In some ways, it wasn’t so bad. The MC was a very mild sort of person, rather even tempered. He’d dare say they were pleasant, mostly content to just tend to their gardens and be out in the moonlight…

But the problem was, he just could not convince them to stay OUT of nature. Including the forests, which were full of hellish beasts fully intent on gnawing their flesh from their bones… and their specialty was plants, not animals, sooo…

Their habit of sneaking out to wander the woods got so bad that he very nearly considered pulling a Belphie 2 and locking them in the basement for their own good. But Devil knows what damage their mother would do if she found out…

At least they make for pleasant company… And Diavolo seems to like them quite a bit himself so the mortal gets a pass from him. Now if they’d only consider their own safety for a change…

Mammon

They make him a KILLING.

Like, no seriously. Their produce is insane!! He’s never tasted food so good, especially stuff that’s come fresh from the ground! It only took a few berries for Mammon to throw on a straw hat himself and start harvesting! He’s a farmer now, baby!!

Weeellll not quite. He’s still absolutely only in it for the money, but anything he brings to a farmer’s market goes so fast that he can hardly care about the labor! He’s never made this much Grimm in his life!! And it’s totally legit for a change!

He bought himself another car, paid off half of his debt, and even got Levi back that 2 or 3 grand he leant him centuries ago. Really, Mammon’s living his best life and it’s all thanks to MC!

It’s a good thing his blatant grifting doesn’t hurt his relationship with them at all, in fact they seem to enjoy having his help regardless. They bring him drinks on hot days or invite him on picnics and stuff, it’s… it’s really sweet. They’re very nice to him and he appreciates it…

But… COULD YA JUST STAY PUT ALREADY???

It drives him INSANE that they won’t stay out of dangerous places!! After he started caring about them for more than just a meal ticket it only got even worse!!

He’s not usually one for monitoring someone’s every move (that kind of control freak behavior is more a Lucifer thing) but he eventually had to set up familiars around the House just to keep them from sneaking out at night...

What was so interesting out there anyway?? There wasn’t any kind of plant that he could bring them himself! They didn’t have any need to be out there!! 

They’d keep telling him they’d be fine but it’s not like he’s going to actually buy that. They were too… nice to be dangerous or anything so why would he believe them?

No more running off, MC! Please, he’s beggin’ ya!!

Leviathan 

Wait, gardening? Like, being outdoors and stuff? Ew. No thanks, he’ll pass.

That was more or less his first reaction when they showed up and it never really got much better than that…

He admits that they’re friendly and it’s not like he dislikes them or anything, but their thing so far from his thing that they just don’t have a lot in common… you know?

For starters, they get So. Antsy. when they’re inside for too long! He tried to invite them to a marathon once, but they could hardly keep still and kept looking around like they were searching for a window… He said, “to jump out of.” They insisted just for some fresh air, but he didn’t buy it...

They’re nice enough to listen to his rants, but they’re barely ever inside for him to do so and like HELL is he going to leave his room and stand around out there for that long. Ranting is at least a one to two hour engagement! What if he gets hot out there? And have you SEEN Devildom bees?? Hell no!!

He has, however, asked them on multiple occasions to reproduce flowers he’s seen in different anime, especially ones that have a very unique look and they’ve done some real wonders with that!

He can now claim to be the only person to ever own a Ruby-Jade Vine plant, straight from the pages of TSL when it was used to brew tea for the Lord of Lechery during his brief illness and-is anyone even still listening anymore?

The point is, it’s a flower so rare it was imaginary but now HE has it!... or had it for about a week until his utter incompetence of all things plant killed it…

He begged the MC for another but they were out of the plants they needed to make it and would have to go back to the human world to find more… He’s still mourning his loss… Poor Henry 4.0…

Satan

Well… He’s called this MC “salt of the Earth” and he does truly mean it. Take of that what you will.

He doesn’t get much in the way of intellectual conversation out of this mortal UNLESS he’s talking about plants, farming, or botany… Interesting topics and complex in their own right to be sure, but that’s pretty much their wheelhouse and they like it there.

That being said, the feats that they can perform are genuinely mind-blowing! They are the ONLY person he has ever met who can cultivate the Devildom’s own ultra-rare Phantom Orchid, a plant only blooms when it reaches a perfect state of undeath (i.e. both taken care of and neglected just enough so that it's only barely alive. The balance is so tricky to master that one hasn’t bloomed down there for centuries!)

There’s also something just genuinely relaxing about watching them work or helping them in the gardens… More so than he’d ever expected from such a simple activity.

He admits that he’s taken quite a few strolls through the flower-filled courtyard of the Demon Lord’s Castle just to admire its beauty... But anything that they can grow just blows all of that out of the water!

They even taught him several magic botanical techniques so now he can grow some pretty mad plants himself. Lucifer never expected to find that giant Venus Flytrap in his closet, but one was there regardless. 😏

Just… out of curiosity one day, he asked the MC if they could make him a new kind of catnip. Not for any nefarious reason! You know… just for research purposes…

The nip they made was so effective that the House grounds were FILLED with nipped-up cats for a whole month! He was in Heaven!! (and Lucifer practically wiped those plants from existence so he couldn’t get any more… asshole...)

That must have inspired them because they apparently made a demons-only version that they told him about WELL after the fact. Had he known, he probably would have burned the stuff on principle... Do you know how dangerous demon-nip could be to them? Experiment responsibly, MC!

Asmodeus 

Ehhhh, gardening SOUNDS like one of those things that should be super Devilgram-able, but then you realize how sweaty and dirty you get in the process and it’s a huge turn off… Sorry MC.

When they first came down to the Devildom, he thought two things: 1) Such a sweet little flower child, as adorable as they were, would never survive; and 2) even if they could, he would never ever see eye-to-eye with them on the “wonders” of getting all up in the dirt.

Well, he was right about 2, but certainly not 1. Personally, he thinks his brothers worry about them too much, they ARE still a demigod.

At one point he saw a pack of hellhounds almost trample one of their vegetable gardens and they lost it. Word to the wise, never try to take on a child of Demeter in their own garden. Those hounds were wrapped up in rose vines before they could even yelp...

Yeah, the MC would be fine.

That being said, while everybody else clamors over their produce, he thinks that their flowers are really where it’s at!

Taking just five minutes in one of their gardens is something else... He’s never seen blossoms as healthy and immaculate in all the Devildom before! Their beauty could (almost) rivals his own! What they do isn’t just a hobby, it’s an art.

He’s taken multiple pictures with their blossoms and they go viral every time. It’s so rare to actually see gorgeous, petal-filled flowers in the Devildom, most of the native plants are of the man-eating variety.

His only complaint about this MC is that they seem to feel much more at home in work clothes and dirt than they do in any sort of party-look he tries to give them… Cute as they are, they can afford to gussy up sometimes can’t they? Mud and grass stains don’t make for a good look, sorry.

Beelzebub 

Beel gardens and the MC gardens as well. Add on that they seem to be able to grow all manner of fruits and veggies and he likes this one. A lot.

They had just finished apple-picking when the portal nabbed them so they had a massive basket of apples at the time. Naturally, Beel more or less stole the thing on sight, but the apples inside were so juicy and good that he almost shook them down for more on the spot!

Imagine his surprise when they, half pleadingly, explained to him that if he got them some seeds they could just grow more… and it wouldn’t even take that long.

To be clear, the formula he saw was this: Get seeds > bring seeds to mortal > mortal grows seeds > mortal makes endless supply of food….

Congratulations MC, you’ve now earned the sixthborn’s eternal loyalty after a grand total of… two minutes. He didn’t even know their name, but he was willing to take a bullet for them (provided he got more of those apples).

The next several months were spent with Beel attached to them to the hip in some way, but honestly? It was just so wholesome anyway…

If he’s helping in the garden, he never complains. He does most of the heavy lifting and actually likes being out there with them (unlike others...)

Many afternoons were spent sitting under fruit trees and talking. Sometimes, they go to the trouble of preparing a picnic or something but it would always inevitably end with Beel plucking the whole tree clean of whatever ripe (or unripe) fruit he can get his hands on with a smile. 

The MC never minded though. That’s just another excuse to grow more, right?

His only problem was when the MC would sneak out to the forest… especially when they get too antsy and just go alone. 

He HATES it when they do that! How is he supposed to keep them safe if they just wander off?? He knows that they have a special connection to nature and all, but it isn’t safe…

He’s flown in and scooped them back up to the House on numerous occasions and his “talking tos” get sterner after every rescue... Please stay put, MC! He’d have so many reasons to be sad if you were eaten… 😔

Belphegor 

Okay, he was looking for a capable, if not gullible, human. Not a shoeless flower hippy!

He honestly wasn't expecting much out of this one... Damn their little heart because they did genuinely believed his lies, it’s just that they weren't… well… They were really good at gardening.

… And it grew kind of hard to keep hating them whenever they'd show up just to give him fresh berries or a bouquet to see him smile… He may claim that his heart is made of nightmares and orphan tears, but who doesn’t enjoy being given a batch of flowers? 

Damn their sweetness too… Right to here.

When it came time to kill them he had a heavier heart than he thought he would, but kind of saw it like putting down the sacrificial lamb. Gotta be done to reach better goals... Stiff upper lip and all that.

Unfortunately for him, they had taken to carrying packets of demon-nip with them as a self-defense measure…

He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected when they shouted “Get nipped!” at him mid-attack, but it wasn’t a face full of some smelly herb! Like, really smelly…! Actually, that smelt kind of good… Hold on.

Turns out murderous rage really doesn’t last long after you get what is effectively ultra-strong catnip thrown in your face. They ended up having to go and tell Lucifer what happened themselves because Belphie was way too blissed out on the floor to do anything... They were legitimately worried they might have fried his brain...

He’s told the effects of the demon-nip lasted three days. He doesn’t know, because he hardly remembers any of it... They described him as like he was high on “weed” and “ecstasy” at the same time but he doesn’t know what either of those are either so it wasn’t helpful…

Truthfully, they were so nice to him while he was recovering that he couldn’t even be mad afterwards so all's well that ends well? Either way, he’s sleeping under their orchard trees from now on. It’s peaceful out there...

They burnt all that nip though. It’s some strong stuff...

[7wanderingpaws]

Captain Bucheon 05

(gif is not mine!)

Warnings: language, tension, (a bit unedited)

Word count: 3.6K

story masterlist masterlist

tags: @wooya1224 @to-all-the-stories-i-love @jennxx3 @realllllrica @energeticsirens​ (let me know if you want to be un/tagged)​

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<– Previous

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Fifth: Birthday Party

The winter season had finally given way to spring, the cherry blossoms blooming around the campus. Your dorms still sucked, but one thing that was good was the beautiful pink trees welcoming you whenever you left or arrived from school or work. The entrance was full of cherry blossoms, and when you rushed to your early classes in the mornings, you'd catch cats curled up and sleeping on the fallen leaves.

Even though you enjoyed winter, you couldn’t deny the magical hope spring always managed to plant in you. If the smog wasn’t too severe (and in spring it always was) you could smell the distant scent of flowers, grass and life. Students and professors were scattered around the campus, making videos and pictures, the white and pink cherries a huge attraction even for the dullest person out there.

For some reason, however, this season also made you incredibly sad.

A very unnerving, in the corner creeping, emotion of yearning, longing, pining and all the other synonyms that expressed missing something you couldn’t quite pinpoint were eating you away. The sadness that made your mood so incredibly low and sad that you couldn't enjoy the cherry blossom season as much as you used to. It was a huge love of yours; every year during high school taking a long walk, wearing the uniform skirt not so horrible anymore while you and Yuyeon laughed at something stupid. That magical instance when the gentle breeze blew and the leaves created a pink rain fall--

Someone hitting you with folded paper was what snapped you out of your thoughts. You turned around, glaring at the intruder. “Yah, Oh Sehun!” you shouted, scowling.

Sehun was smiling brightly, your face expression entertaining him. “You looked like you were thinking too deeply. Didn’t want an accident.”

You rolled your eyes and watched him sit down on the bench opposite you. He put his backpack next to him before leaning on his elbows on the table. “Meaning?” 

“You don’t think, you just do stuff. Thinking could have damaged you further and we don’t want-“

Your fist landed on his bicep and he laughed harder, not even bothering to fake the pain. “You are so dead, Sehun!”

After he calmed down he pretended to tap the tears away around his eyes which made you roll your eyes again. “Anyway, you know it’s next weekend, right?”

You frowned. “What is next weekend?” 

Your question came out like a bite of an angry dog but you almost immediately forgot about your bicker when you spotted Yuyeon from afar; she was mingled among a small crowd of students but you could see whom she was talking to very well. After all, you saw the guy almost daily. Chul. 

They seemed to be deep in conversation and he was nodding thoughtfully, taking her every word. While she was explaining something, he looked up to run his eyes over their surroundings carefully which, in your eyes, looked a little off.

“Hey-“ Sehun waved his hand in front of your face, “I’m right here, don’t ignore me. And Yuyeon was supposed to tell you.”

You snapped your eyes back to Sehun, still frowning. “She didn’t tell me anything regarding next week.”

Sehun groaned like a kid. “You’re a terrible friend anyway! You should have known it’s my birthday!”

Your eyes widened and you scrambled for your school diary (that was a huge mess) and aggressively listed through the pages until you landed on the second week of April. With small letters, Sehun’s birthday was noted on the paper with a little flower next to it.

“I’m not a bad friend, look,” you pouted, pushing your diary in his face. 

With a sigh he was fast to push your hand away. “Well, mark it better. You’re coming for a little camping trip.”

“Camping trip? During school?”

Sehun looked at you dumbfoundedly before he started to giggle. “This is university, sweetheart, there is no such thing as school night anymore, and it’s funny that out of all people you complain when you’re the naughtiest kid on the campus. And besides, it’s on the weekend. You don’t work either,” he clicked his tongue and then proceeded to flick your forehead. “So no excuses.”

“Ouch, you DUCK!” you growled, massaging the throbbing skin with your fingers. “Why is your birthday in April out of all months!”

“Whoa, whoa, I could hear you guys from afar already,” a new voice chirped in and your eyes immediately snapped towards your best friend.

A little shocked at her cheerful attitude, you looked at the place you last saw her with Chul but, of course, he was nowhere to be seen anymore. The last thing you'd expect her to be like after a conversation with Chul was cheerful.

“It’s your fault, Yuyeon-ah. You forgot to tell Nari that I’m having a camping trip.”

“Oh,” Yuyeon seemed genuinely surprised as she sat down on the bench next to you. “It slipped my mind completely - and no, not your birthday but the trip!” She held her hands up quickly in defense before he could flick her forehead as well, Sehun’s scowling eyes sending daggers her way.

“Wonderful friends I have,” he muttered and shook his head in disappointment. “Well, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. Thankfully I have friends who actually care,” he said and stood up, throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

Both you and Yuyeon followed him with your eyes, perplexed at his sudden change of attitude. “Where are you going?” you spoke up at the same time with Yuyeon.

“Have some stuff to do for class. See you, losers!”

“What did just happen…”

“Well. Whatever, Sehun is weird,” you dismissed, not sparing his retreating figure any more glance as you turned to your friend. Swiftly bringing out your phone from your pocket, you searched for one contact you saved in the morning, and pushed the device into Yuyeon’s hands, ignoring her perplexed expression. “I need a favor. You need to call the police for me.”

“What?” She was only able to raise her eyebrows and give you a pathetic look. “What is it about?”

“I need them to come during the festival, it’s the security measures,” you said, almost whining because you yourself hated this irrelevant task you were given. “And I can’t risk that someone particular will pick up the phone.”

Yuyeon sighed but she had a soft expression as she nodded. She still threw you a skeptical look. “First of all, it’s bold of you to think that you’d have the pleasure to speak to the captain of the police himself when I’m sure they have some lowly workers doing this kind of job. Second? Fuck Chul. The hell is he thinking - giving you all the trash work, as if he isn’t the student president.”

Yuyeon mentioning Chul when they were just meeting minutes ago didn’t sit well with you. She didn’t mention talking to him whatsoever and you concluded she didn’t have the intention of doing it at all. Observing her for a little longer, you decided to deal with that problem later. She was your best friend. She would never do something to harm you.

After explaining all the details to Yuyeon, she finally called. It took almost fifteen minutes with the whole call procedure until you could talk with the relevant person in charge. To your and Yuyeon’s surprise, they already knew about the topic.

“Oh, so the event has been reported? And you already have a team to send for that day?” Yuyeon was repeating everything the person on the other side told her, giving you a surprised stare.

You shrugged, albeit worriedly before muttering under your nose: “Why did that fucker-“

“Alright, great. Thank you!” She put down the phone with a huff. “Well, that’s that. They already knew about this.” Her knee was going up and down, her teeth gnawing on her lower lip, tearing the dried skin. “Is Chul testing you or something? Why is he making you do stuff only for it to be already resolved?”

You shrugged again. “At least it’s done. Thank you,” you murmured, widening your eyes into those of a puppy before you pushed out your lower lip, pouting.

Yuyeon rolled her eyes and flicked you on the forehead. What was it with your friends flicking you today?

You scrubbed at the red spot on your forehead as she said: “Don’t mention it. What wouldn’t I do for this troublemaker, huh?” She smiled at you and pushed your phone into your hand. “Are you confident about running? And MCing for that bitch?”

You deflated even more. Your body was not built for running. And Siamsa requesting you to be the MC was just as suspicious as the whole police thingy being already resolved. “Nope! But who cares! It’s Oh Sehun’s birthday and you didn’t even bother telling me about the camping trip?”

She looked surprised for a moment before she realized something. “Oh, right, it slipped my mind. I have class projects and well… sorry. I was supposed to tell you.” Yuyeon looked apologetic and you wanted to ask what was the issue but decided against it.

“It’s okay. But I think he is legit mad.”

“I know.”

><

After that, the days became a blur. You tried your best to juggle running between studying sessions. Sometimes you would stay in the dorm room but the squeals of girls on the corridor would irritate you to the bits which eventually led you out of the dorms and into a coffee shop. 

Assignments were piling up and Sehun’s trip was happening just before the midterms which wasn’t the best news. You tried hard to focus but the unstable job you had was also giving you a hard time. There had been another case where you didn’t manage to bring a box to the right door yet… much later you received a confirmation text. It was giving you stress. And you started to regret taking up the job at some point. Someone must have been delivering them. You were suspicious of this for a while but was too preoccupied with the task at hand to try to catch the culprit.

Well, could they be called a culprit when, in fact, they were doing you a favor? If more than anything, it was the unsettling feeling that you were being played by someone you probably didn't know, since Chul was doing anything but talking about this job.

Instead, he was always hot on your heels, were it the running practice that you swore you’d give up, because coach Lim was relentless, or he was bothering you about the damn MC thing, bugging you about doing well and trying to be your best possible version. Just thinking about having to pretend in front of Siamsa, when you knew she was Baekhyun's ex, and a complete piranha behind the scenes, made you go nuts. It had certainly been a while since you wanted to be done with something this much and at the same time dreading the moment it would come.

If that wasn't giving you anxiety, you also had to make sure not to go to the running track outside of your scheduled training. The possibility of running into Baekhyun was scaring you. Unable to pinpoint why exactly, you just decided to ignore the topic, despite finding yourself daydreaming about facing him again. Daydreaming about certain moments with him that actually happened, but they were buried deep inside you, hidden under stocks and stocks of much more memorable memories than those created with him.

Since you never saw him after that incident where you slapped him, you were more relaxed (and a little guilty).

Currently, you took the empty beer bottle in your hands, music blasting loudly as you stood up on the top of the table, enjoying the cheering from your small audience that you stole away from the birthday boy, Sehun.

You pushed me away with your very hands

Once were so wanted by me

As soon as Yuyeon recognized the lyrics, she jumped up to join you, taking an empty soju bottle in her hand and made a microphone out of it. You were fast to drape your heavy arm around her neck and shouted:

What can I do?

What should I do?

I no longer have your breath with me

But I am still loving you

Sehun was facepalming in the background because you had been high on this song since last year, after the harsh breakup. He knew the signs very well and he could only sigh harder when he saw a message from the only person missing at the late night party:

Just arrived

Coming in now

“Oh, dear,” he scrunched up his face, looking at you exaggeratedly rolling your hips to follow Rain's dance moves. He had to admit you were too good at those moves.

As soon as you heard cat calls, your hands went flying up to your hair, lifting it up to reveal your neck before you pushed your bum out, sliding your hands lower, outlining your breasts.

“Jesus, she is on fire!” someone shouted.

You giggled loudly and Yuyeon slapped your butt, making you squeal before the both of you continued with the song that made you want to weep and give up yourself to someone at the same time; give up yourself to a certain someone.

With the way you used to look into my eyes

You dramatically turned to Yuyeon who mimicked you, both of you staring into each other's eyes before you turned back to back, feeling her bum pressed into yours. With a swift sway of your head, you got rid of your messy hair that was obscuring your sight, spotting a mop of messy blond hair before singing:

Please turn back to me and just feel my heart

And could you please tell me

Your eyes locked with Baekhyun's who was standing motionlessly on the doorstep, staring at you with an unreadable expression. 

That you still love me

The words left your mouth, and you became breathless. 

Was it the booze? Or did Byun Baekhyun just look hundred times more appealing to you after drinking? What was the captain even doing there in the first place? Wasn't he a little old to be here celebrating Oh Sehun's birthday with the kids that he thought you were?

Not daring to even blink, you continued your charade, enjoying the way his eyes wandered down your body when you swayed your hips to the rhythm, rolling your hips to the surface of the table and enjoying yourself a little too much. You were wearing hip jeans and a crop top, the textile straining over your breasts just the way you wanted it to be tonight. The revealed belly and the dimples on your lower back just above the belt of your jeans was teasing enough to bring a little craze to the audience you earned. Your want doubled with the knowledge that Baekhyun was present.

Eventually, you turned to Yuyeon and finished singing the heartfelt song, while your brain was trying to ignore the fact that the person you imagined in this song was present in the room.

“Hey, thanks a lot for dropping by,” Sehun greeted Baekhyun when he walked over to him. Baekhyun had a slight smile on his lips.

“Happy birthday, buddy,” he wished and bumped fists before patting him on the shoulder. “You decided to keep a low image this year?” asked Baekhyun when Sehun pushed a red cup into his hand and sat next to Sehun, once again angled the way so that he could see your eyes the whole time.

Sehun raised a thick eyebrow before tipping his chin towards yours and Yuyeon's direction. “Is that what you call a low image?”

Baekhyun shook his head, but he was amused. He let his eyes wander back to you for a moment, just when you were getting off the table. One guy held your hand, helping you down while bulging his eyes at your breasts. Baekhyun suppressed the annoyance bubbling inside of him at the sight. “Did she have a lot to drink?”

“Well, she had enough to become her old self,” mumbled Sehun, taking a calculating sip from his beer. “Enough to want to make a scene, so I'd watch myself if I were you.”

“She hates me. I don't think she'll even acknowledge me.”

Sehun let out a snort and Baekhyun shot him a curious look. “That whole fucking song was about you. She acknowledged you just fine.”

Baekhyun let out a breathy laugh of disbelief. The images of meeting your heated gaze over the crowd while you were rolling your hips around left him just a little breathless. You were too sexy for Baekhyun. And too forbidden.

Before the both of them could fall into silence, Sehun said: “Did you resolve anything with Siamsa? I love you, dude, but I can't let your stupid ex ruin Nari anymore.”

Baekhyun wasn't surprised at the change of the topic. Sehun had been bugging him after he found out you were requested by Siamsa herself to be the MC of her short stage during the university festival.

Baekhyun was restless about the whole deal, especially after her unexpected visit at his place. About that he didn't tell the younger male, not wanting him to worry even more. “Don't worry, Sehunah, I have it under control.”

“Well, make sure you really do,” muttered Sehun as he leaned closer to Baekhyun. “She acts strong, but she is anything but that.”

><

It was two hours later when you found yourself in the crowd, dancing by yourself. Yuyeon wasn't around anymore, being snatched away by a guy while you were drinking shot by shot, enjoying yourself and at the same time desperately trying to stay sober because Baekhyun was lurking around. And that made your heart beat too wildly; the alcohol had nothing to do with it.

There were so many bodies around you, sweating and grinding against each other. It almost made you want to turn back until you felt someone’s front pressed to your back. Under normal circumstances you’d immediately pull away but his scent wafted over your senses and you just knew.

It was him.

His breath was on the back of your hair, a little irregular, and then you felt his feather touch on the inside of your arms as he trailed his fingertips over the sensitive skin of the inside of your elbows until he let them dance over your wrists and pushed the fingers through the slits of your hands, interlacing your fingers.

Spikes of electricity shot through your insides and you hummed though you knew he couldn’t hear you over the loud music. Involuntarily you pressed yourself back and his breath fanned your neck as he lowered his head.

There were so many things you should have done immediately; push him away or walk away but despite your turbulent emotions that kept clashing in a fight with brain and heart, you felt safe in his arms, in his presence and his touch. His nose traveled your cheek and he nuzzled the side of your face with his. Your heart was about to jump out of your rib cage. The urge to just turn and kiss him was so strong but ugh. You still hated him so much. So, so much. To the point you wanted to scream and shout and at the same time kiss him senseless and let him have his way with you.

“Why is it that whenever I try to avoid you, you appear?” he murmured into your ear and you tried to shimmy away from the ticklish feeling. “Why is it that whenever I’m with another one, you’re the one I see behind my closed eyes?” You felt the lightest of touches of his lips that were parted, so smooth and so alluring, teasing you on the side of your cheek. “Why is it always you, Lee Nari?”

You almost thought it wasn't real. It couldn't. Baekhyun would do anything but a move on you.

But one swift turn and you faced him, his eyes focused on yours. “And why is it always you, Byun Baekhyun?” you squeezed his fingers gently, still interlaced with yours. 

“You should go and rest, Nari, you had enough to drink,” he told you suddenly, moving closer. He realized that booze was talking more than what he would have said under normal circumstances.

Breathily, you zoomed in on his lips, bewitched by the way they shaped whenever he said certain words. The would pucker and form a cute pout and-

“Nari, let's get you to sleep,” he repeated.

“Do you still want me, Baekhyun?” you asked instead, almost eagerly.

Baekhyun wasn't surprised, yet he didn't answer. You were intoxicated and he expected some kind of confrontation, but the longing in your eyes spoke volumes and he knew you wouldn't be slapping him tonight. He had only two cups of beer but he already knew he was acting braver than he should have. The need to kiss you and just be with you only grew and alcohol made his well preserved restraints weaker.

“You don't want me anymore, right?” you said, misunderstanding his silence. You stepped away. “If I would have wanted to build up the bridges you would have said no and still play with my feelings,” you whispered, heart-broken. Even though I still want you so bad…

><><><><

A/N: I do not know when will be the next update, sorry about that. Ive been focusing a lot on AY since my writing juices are overflowing for that story for now. Sorry to make you wait and I do hope you stick around ☺💛

This chapter is a little breaking point; next chapter the festival is going down! Poor Nari...

Here is my new curiouscat if you want to let me know your thoughts ^^

[slightlymore]

doyoung + back 2 u (am 1:27) + angst (and/or fluff) if you’re still doing the challenge ❤️

doyoung; angst + fluff ending

w: explicit talk about sex and a few sexual innuendos for plot purposes, swearing

1.7K

_____

When he would leave, he'd take a piece of you with him, leaving you colder and more lonely every time. 

Holding you tight, fingers brushing your skin and his breath caressing your ear as he whispered about how much he adores you, it seemed impossible for him to turn so distant. 

This time, you would think, this time you'd talk to him, make him listen and understand. You had to be on the same page. But every time he'd come around and lay his eyes on you, the thoughts and intentions you harbored for weeks were thrown out of the window as quick as your clothes. 

Hungry and needy, he would show how much he'd miss you and you bathed in that feeling. Quick and intense like a lighting you would both come undone, holding each other for a while, listening to his sweet murmured words. Then you'd giggle as suddenly he'd flip you over and want more and more, this time slowly, just like he'd been imagining the whole week you were apart. 

"I have 15 minutes left," he brushed his lips on your temple. Head resting on his chest, you watched the way your hand pressed on it would rise and fall following his breathing. 

A little whine came out of you and you pressed your face into his body, making him chuckle. 

"It's always like this," you lamented. 

"I know," he brushed your spine slowly. 

"I don't want you to go."

"You know that I can't stay longer."

The silence started to make your heart beat faster and you let it give you the courage to lift your face and look at Doyoung's dark eyes. 

"Do you have somebody else?"

His eyebrows furrowed and it looked like a fiery storm. Scary and intimidating but fuck, you loved storms so much. 

"No. Why would I have somebody else?" 

You sighed and lifted your weight on your knees, the bed sheets slipping down to your waist. Doyoung placed his palm on your thigh but his eyes were still on yours, demanding. 

"Am I the somebody else, maybe?" you asked with a timid voice. 

You were terrified to find out and nights after nights you wondered if it was a good idea to ask. Crawling into the unknown, alone in a gigantic field of darkness, you, the only illuminated thing and him, when he approached. But then he'd step back into the darkness and you had no idea what surrounded you at that time or what surrounded him. You'd be alone waiting for his eyes as if locked up in a tall tower. 

"I have a mistress," his voice was deep and rough from being so late at night. You jolted. "And that's my job." 

You sighed and closed your eyes for a moment. 

"You know I'm busy with work and you agreed to everything. What's going on now?" 

"I didn't actually fully agree."

Your tone made Doyoung's hand stop on your thigh. His expression was asking you to explain. 

"I never said that I like this. Us hiding, you not calling or texting me back for days. I accepted it but now…" 

Doyoung sat up and passed one hand through his hair. "You want us to stop?" 

You let out a dry and incredulous laugh. 

"To stop? Can you stop? If I said I want us to not see each other anymore, would you be able to do it?" 

"Wouldn't you?" 

Your shoulders dropped. "So this is just sex for you? I was right?" 

Doyoung sighed again and put his feet on the ground, turning his back to you. You stared at his shoulders grateful for him not seeing the tears pooling in your eyes. 

"This is not just about sex and you know that." He retrieved his clothes and started to wear them. 

"So are we dating?" 

"Why do you need a label so badly?" he threw his shirt on the bed and turned around to face you. His eyes softened in a second upon seeing you wet cheeks and you quickly dried them up with the back of your hand. 

"I don't want a label," you replied quietly. "I just need security. I want to be safe. Every time you go away I feel--used."

The pain was evident on Doyoung's face and his fingers twitched. 

"Why would you feel like that?" 

"I have needs that are not met, Doyoung. We've never had to talk about this because it was spontaneous and I loved it. But now, I want to talk." 

"I don't want to repeat mistakes from the past." 

"You're making new mistakes now."

"I really have to go now. I'll call you."

"You never do."

"Don't be like this. It's not like I don't want to and you know it. It's unfair."

"You know that it's not about being busy. You're unavailable emotio-" 

"Talk to you later."

_____

He didn't call nor did he text. 

Staring into the nothingness you jolted when a young man approached you with a drink. 

"Good evening," he smiled kindly. 

You smiled back and greeted him but you also gave a side eye to the glass of champagne in his hand. 

"Oh," he realized, "I legit just took it from the waiter. I swear I didn't-- wait, we'll take a new one now." 

You opened your mouth to say that it wasn't necessary and that you trusted him but he was quick to grab another glass from a passing waiter's tray. 

"I'm so sorry," he handed you the glass. "I came off quite awkward. This is my first elegant party, I barely know what I was looking at when I saw the buffet."

You chuckled and thanked him. "Are you new in the company?" 

"Oh no actually. It's just that our company has never done high-end gatherings before and I think most of us are awkward now," he added and looked around trying to find his colleagues in the crowd of people from at least five different companies. 

"Oh, I am Renjun by the way. Nice to meet you," he shifted the glass from the right hand to the left to be able to shake your hand. 

"Nice to meet you too, I am Y/N."

"Oh! And this," he looked behind your shoulder, "it's my best friend Doyoung."

You turned around and locked eyes with said man. He looked as shocked as you were as he approached both of you. 

"Hey, this is Y/N," Renjun introduced you and he extended his hand. 

"Nice to meet you Y/N."

"Nice to meet you too Doyoung."

_____

"Your own best friend doesn't know about me?" 

"Keep your voice down." 

You scoffed and turned around, taking a few steps away from Doyoung and inhaling the cold air of the terrace. 

"It's not like I talk with my friends about who I fuck with."

You suddenly faced him. "Who you fuck with?" 

Doyoung closed his eyes for a second and sighed. 

"Do you understand that this," you gestured towards you and him, "doesn't make any sense?" you asked. 

"You know I have to keep this a secret. Why are you making a scene now? Is it wrong that we have this type of relationship?" 

"Is it wrong that I want more?" 

"I know I'm letting you down and maybe we should have talked about it in the beginning, but I can't give you more than this."

_____

Looking at your back as you left, Doyoung wondered what the hell was going on with him. 

He would stare at his phone day and night, reading your texts and not replying to them, thinking about your voice but not calling you, missing you like crazy but not telling you. 

"I can't think clearly when I'm with you. My mind is clouded and I keep wondering why you're still with me," he'd type late at night then delete the text. 

There were moments with you when Doyoung felt so emotional that he would have wanted to burst into tears. There were moments when he was so close to confess how much he loves you. And you were right. He'd get so terrified that he'd put his guard up and fuck you like he didn't have a single feeling. 

"Ah, fuck, every day I feel stupid for not asking the number of that girl from the party," Renjun sighed. 

Doyoung sipped from his mug, the heat misting his glasses. 

"You did well."

The other raised one eyebrow. "What?" 

Doyoung sighed and put one hand on his shoulder. "I'm dating her. Don't even think about it." 

Renjun's eyes widened as Doyoung walked away. "Hello? I met her first. I can't believe you snatched a girl from me. Come on!" he followed him. 

"She was mine all along."

"She told me she was single!" 

"Perhaps she felt like that before but not anymore." 

"Wow I hate you."

"You wouldn't have stood a chance with her anyway."

"I'm going to beat you up." 

"You can try." 

_____

When you saw Doyoung's name on your phone's display, you had to sit down. 

"I don't want to have sex with you," you spoke into it with a trembling voice. 

"That's a lie but I'm not calling for that."

You waited. 

"Are you free tonight? I want to take you out on a date." 

You furrowed your eyebrows. "You really decided to be cocky in this situation? What are you trying to do?"

"Have dinner."

You rolled your eyes. "You know what I'm talking about." 

"I-" he breathed in, "-really like you."

"Well, it's too late now, Doyoung."

"Please."

You've never heard that tone before and you hated yourself for being so weak. 

"I'm not going back to you."

"That's a lie."

You sighed and had to start walking around in your room to release the steam. 

"Just let me try again. Just once. I miss you.”

"You just miss fucking me."

"I miss fucking you. Yes. And I also miss your whimpers and little pleas. And I miss your touch and your lips on my body. And I miss your voice when you talk about topics I've never heard of. I miss your smile and your laugh. Yes." 

"You make me so mad…" you whispered. 

"You can be mad at me. I can take that." 

“This is not a second chance. I just want free dinner.” 

“Okay. I’ll try hard. I promise.”

“I want your friend to know about me.” 

“He does.” 

You bit your lower lip. 

“I want a three course meal.” 

Doyoung smiled. “I’ll give you dessert too.” 

“And I want to walk on the beach while holding hands.” 

“Deal.” 

You pouted and opened your closet. “I’ll be ready in 20 minutes.” 

His chuckle warmed your chest so much that you smiled too. 

[imperiuswrecked]

To me, it doesn’t make sense to make Magneto the main villain because it has been done so much before and it would connect it so much to the Fox Films. Also I think there is a GREAT laziness in writing Magneto especially in films. He generally didn’t want to kill all humans, subjugate them yes because he doesn’t trust them. Which isn’t a ‘good guy’ move in itself and he slips in and out of.

He legit murdered genocide I think when he was going to kill all humans. Like no.

I also think that the average cinema goer likes Magneto too much… or maybe that is me. It would also require them to recast the most famous faces of the franchises?

Like is anyone going to care if they recast Jean, Scott, Iceman, Rogue, Kitty, Beast even Mystique but Magneto? I don’t know. I have long been a fan of an actual Jewish actor playing Magneto but following Ian McKellan would be difficult for the casual fans to accept. I don’t think Fassbender left such an amazing impression.

Even my most average MCU fans friends (and god they love the MCU 😤 but I see past it) still talk about how much they want to see a Magneto solo film.

To me I would put the focus on their reveal and sentinels. Then again I thought they’ll go through Krakoa stuff. Like it turns out the mutants have been living on this Island etc

With the ‘simpler times’ comment I have to for the sake of my sanity have to think that it was because Pietro knew where he was. Things were clear to him, as much as it hurt he had his sister. The following trauma had not occurred. Again I don’t think this is true but I am trying to reason bad writing. He didn’t doubt his morality but was indebted and controlled. Shitty actions were out of his control.

I don’t read Avengers so I didn’t know he was shelved for so long.

I think the Trial of Magneto is trying to ride on the coattails of Wandavision because even though she’s not a mutant a lot of the internet was wanting Magneto to show up. So what is the best way to get those fans who wanted to see that? Set up a family comic book where they establish the family again because I guess the MCU fans heard they’ve changed their background and themselves didn’t like it.

I see the Trial of Magneto as something poorly thought out as they saw what the audience was interested in. The timeline kind of clashes uncomfortably with Inferno. Which makes me think it was wedged in there to ride the Wandavision train and undo the retcon on the side of the main storyline.

Thank you for reading my essay/rant

Ok so I'm going to first say you have a lot of great thoughts and great on picking up the whole forced feeling. You are right, it does feel wedged in there and it does feel forced because that's exactly what Marvel did.

The Trial of Magneto was supposed to be an X-Factor plot, it was Leah Williams next arc, here's an article link talking about her podcast: link (yes I know it's bleeding cool but I don't have time to listen to the podcast)

Leah Williams tells us that X-Factor was canceled because Leah's pitch for the Magneto/Wanda story for X-Factor, now called Trial Of Magneto, became such a popular pitch at Marvel but they thought the reader numbers for X-Factor wasn't big enough for this story, so they wanted it as a separate comic. And canceled X-Factor #10 rather than seeing it run as originally planned, with the Trial beginning in X-Factor #15. Williams says she only learned about the cancellation of X-Factor when she was writing #9, so as she had to finish the series quickly, squeezing six issues worth of story into those last two issues, calling it "cramped and rushed".

So I'm not a fan of Leah but the way Marvel treats it's writers has always been terrible so this cancellation doesn't surprise me. Could this be about W*ndaVision? It's likely, but it's more likely this has to do with Hickman bowing out. It's no secret literally everyone hated the retcon and I always knew it would be undone but I didn't think it would take 6 years but here we are.

Hickman leaving is a bigger thing, he stated in an interview ( link ) that he had planned Krakoa and X-Men to be a 3 arc story, and he wasn't allowed to move onto the 2nd arc because the clowns at Marvel liked the idea of Krakoa too much and I'm so mad because that's exactly the kinda behavior that annoys me with the fans, them thinking Krakoa is just a fun playground for the mutants to mess around with.

"Oh, plans have changed entirely," Hickman says. "When I pitched the X-Men story I wanted to do, I pitched a very big, very broad, three-act, three-event narrative, the first of which was House of X. And while this loosely worked as a three-year plan, I told Marvel upfront that I honestly had no idea how long the first part would last because there were a lot of interesting ideas that I had seeded that other creators would want to play with, and so, we left this rather open-ended. I was also pretty clear with all the writers that came into the office what the initial, three-act plan was so no one would be surprised when it was time for the line to pivot." Hickman continues, "However, I also knew that I was cooking with dynamite, and it was very possible that what I had written in House of X, and the ideas contained within, was not actually the first act of a three-act story, but something that resonated more deeply and worked more like Giant-Size X-Men, where it would represent a paradigm shift in the entire X-Men line for a prolonged period of time. So, during the pandemic, when the time came for me to start pointing things toward writing the second-act event, I asked everyone if they were ready for me to do that, and to a man, everyone wanted to stay in the first act. It was really interesting, because I appreciated that House of X resonated with them to the extent that they didn't want it to end, but the reality was that I knew I would be leaving the line early."

I'm so MAD because the thing I was predicting, that Hickman would have it come crashing down and everything would be revealed to be terrible and Mutant Death Sex Cult Island wasn't a paradise is never going to happen because the fucking CLOWNS at Marvel don't want him to move past it. I may have my personal gripes about some of Hickman's writing but we can't deny the man wrote one of the best if only the best Marvel Event with Fantastic Four/Avengers/Secret War.

As for the simpler times comment, like I have my theories that I wrote out here, and that's what I think is most likely but I do think Pietro's life has never been easy or simple once his adoptive parents died. Pietro could be drinking to a time before the Brotherhood.

I would love for a Jewish actor to play Magneto and any other characters who are Jewish. I would love for a Jewish writer to be able to write them too. However Ian's performance literally set him in the minds of the people as Magneto, not even Fassbender's bleh one note Magneto could compare. Imo the only reason people liked the younger Magneto was because he was young, handsome (? ig idk i dont simp for him) and they could ship him with young professor X (cowards. where is the old man ship???) But I feel like a new actor could definitely fill the role if they are Jewish and the writing was good.

Magneto's writing in comics... well I just wish we could have a Jewish writer for him. There's some great stuff for him but I feel like characters like him and Doom could be written better by non white/american writers.

Although by today's standards the og X-Men trilogy doesn't hold up I will defend the first two movies with my life simply because after Blade these movies opened up the idea that a good serious, non campy version where characters called Magneto and Cyclops were taken seriously. X2 in my mind was the definitive X-Men movie. Was it totally comic accurate? No, but it doesn't do what the MCU does, it doesn't treat the watcher like they need to have their hand held through all the military propaganda and "hints to the comics". Also side note; the reason no one cared about any of the other X-Men being recast is because all through most of the X-Men movies the focal story point has been Professor X vs Magneto. If they really want people to care about those characters/actors then we would need stories that focused on them. Not like how Storm barely had any character growth or plot in the og X-Men and even young Ororo got mishandled by the script. This is why I feel we should have "origin movies" for the X-Men that don't do what Wolverine Origins did and try to make a whole new cast but instead should use the stories as they are. If it was Kurt's story then we would see him join the X-Men, and have the other actors revolve around that. Same with each of the others, the X-Men work best when they are working off each other and each given enough screen/page time to shine. Unfortunately we all have our favorites, even movies and writers, so those are who are going to be pushed for fans to love.

Thank you for your long rant and sorry for my own long rant/reply.

[cant-blink]

Favorite and Least Favorite Ghidorah Incarnations

Probably gonna regret making this post, but it’s been a long time coming, so let’s do it. I guess I should warn, not suitable for people sensitive to opinions that might be different from their own. Can’t believe I have to say that about a list of fav Ghidorahs, but alas...

Anyway, enjoy!

-

Let’s start with my Top 5 favorite Ghidorahs! Going from my most favorite down! All five of these are amazing and any one can easily become my #1 at any given time! :D But at the moment, my number 1 is...

Showa Ghidorah

Showa Ghidorah should come to nobody’s surprise, given how much I’ve been writing about him lately! I admit though, it wasn’t always like this. It took some time for him to grow on me, and he actually used to be one of my least favorite through design alone. But he has grown exponentially on me, and now I love everything about him! The manes are unique and I love the crescent moons on his heads too. His eyes are so big, and I feel they have more expression compared to other Ghidorahs. And the inspiration of the more traditional Eastern-style dragon is there in his face too. 

His backstory and personality, though, is what really got me to change my mind about the character. His personality is perfect as far as I’m concerned! Coming from space to destroy planets just for the lolz, cackling maniacally all the way! Even the fact he was mind-controlled was something for me to delve into in my stories, on how such a thing impacts the character. It really opened my eyes to the more subtle parts to his personality, like I realize that Ghiddy wants NOTHING to do with Earth. He tried to destroy it once and that failure is all he needed to know to stay away. The plot device of mind-control is used to keep him coming back in future movies! Even when he defeated Godzilla and Rodan, he chose to fly away back into space! There’s layers to his character if you look deep enough!

There’s just so much story-potential to this guy, I love it! Even in real life, he has an arc, going from one of my least favorites to being the top of this list! That’s definitely special!

Overall, a lot of love for this character, often wrestling with Legendary for the number 1 spot! Speaking of which...

Legendary Ghidorah

The one that started it all for me and they’re second on the list?! Blasphemy!! Nah, seriously though, Showa and Legendary really do often switch places for me all the time! Just right now, Showa has squeezed into the top spot. For now........

Anyway, Legendary Ghidorah needs no explanation for being a favorite incarnation of the character. Whilst Godzilla has always been a very vague presence in my life, KotM’s is what had me diving headfirst into the fandom, all because of Ghidorah. Their design is amazing, sleek and intimidating! The detail that they whip up storms just by flying creates an awesome menacing atmosphere everytime they’re on screen!

The personalities between the heads is unique, providing all sorts of material for my writer side to explore! Their backstory is left open for me to explore as well, like where they came from and how their species functions! It’s been a lot of fun! I may be slightly burnt out from how much I’ve written and posted about them, but make no mistake, I still ADORE this Ghidorah and I have them to thank for starting this whole page in the first place! 

Shin Ghidorah

That’s right, Shin Ghidorah exists in official TOHO canon and he needs more love!!

Shin Ghidorah was one I was introduced to not long after I learned Kamata-kun (oh, and Shin Godzilla) was a thing. With my obsession with Ghidorah, I wanted to know if there was a Ghidorah in the Shin universe and after some digging, I found that there was! Featured in a ride in Universal Studios Japan! And better yet, videos of it exists on youtube! I loved it the second I saw it! 

The design is amazing and surprisingly unique! This is because Shin Ghidorah was originally a scrapped concept for the original Showa Ghidorah! Like, Shin Ghidorah is basically an oversized three-headed Skullcrawler with wings! Because you see those “legs” he has? Those are actually ARMS!! Ghidorah could’ve been a giant Skullcrawler all this time!!

I also love his movements, oddly enough. He doesn’t just fly, he SWIMS though the air, something I don’t recall seeing in any other Ghidorah!

The only thing I don’t like about him... is the fact that he wasn’t around longer! A shame the ride is so short, I would’ve LOVED to see more of him in a movie. Oh well...

Grand/Cretaceous Ghidorah

Both are the same individual, so they’re both in this entry! I remember learning about him through a video talking about Ghidorah’s most sadistic moment and this was it. Grand Ghidorah kidnaps children with the sole intent to devour them, but he doesnt eat them right away, no. He holds them hostage to stew in their terror, returning to them every so often just to listen to their screams and cries. You know he’s enjoying every minute, knowing he’s torn families apart. Without a doubt, all this is just a game before he destroys the world as Ghiddys do. The way he toyed with Mothra Leo, leaving him to suffer after beating him to near-death. Or the way he possessed one of the Mothra twins to try to kill her own sister! It was great! He has such a regal design too! I can see why the fanbase have come to call him Grand King Ghidorah, he’s absolutely majestic. Shame he’s overshadowed, likely due to not being in a Godzilla movie.

Cretaceous Ghidorah has a more Western-dragon look to him and it works. He is basically a baby Ghidorah and he is so cute! His big eyes and squeaky roars, I love it! He also SOMEHOW made me feel sorry for my least favorite dinosaur! That's some true power right there!

The regeneration ability too, is amazing! This is likely where Legendary got the idea, but Grand does it better by regenning from just a small piece of tail left behind. Just badass, all around!

Void Ghidorah

A controversial pick, I know. I made a whole post about my detailed thoughts on Void Ghidorah, see here. Long story short: I think he has great potential, just suffered from piss poor execution. I love the idea of turning this alien dragon into an interdimensional GOD, with followers and everything. His full-body model looks amazing! He’s the biggest and most powerful Ghidorah yet, the biggest kaiju in the entire franchise in fact, and I don’t see him ever being topped. Granted, I dun really judge how much I like a kaiju based on how strong they are, but it’s a bonus here. He needs all the help he can get!

Adding more, his roars are insane, not just a combination of Showa and Heisei Ghidorah! But sounds that are truly otherworldly.

Void Ghidorah deserves love, and a better movie. Guess I’ll just settle on Godzilla: Star-eating Wings as the go-to Void Ghidorah video!

-

I have no real opinion on the new ride Ghidorah, as I have yet to watch the full "movie” and thus, can’t judge how well I’ll like it compared to the others. So for now, tis neutral.

-

Now I’m totally going to get hate for this list of “least favorite Ghidorahs”, but this is my opinion. I don’t like any of them, and they’re all outshined by my favorite non-Ghidorah kaijus, and some even being beaten by my “meh” kaijus! Anyway, this is gonna go from “best” least favorite to my “worst” least favorite. Here goes:

Heisei/Mecha-Ghidorah

Tis no secret that I don’t particularly like Heisei’s version of the character. I’ve mentioned it more than enough. Oddly though, I liked the design when I first looked through Ghidorahs from past movies, and I DISLIKED Showa Ghidorah’s design. How things have changed when I learned more about both of them... 

Now I’ve grown to not like Heisei very much. They took Ghidorah as an alien dragon that destroys planets for fun, and turned him into pets that I’m sure are meant to be cute, but just remind me of Furby’s in how creepy they are (tis not the good kind of creepy either!). I like the scrapped idea of him being an attempt to clone Showa Ghidorah from DNA left behind when he destroyed Venus, so I keep that canon in my head just for some attempt to like him more. Tis why I call him “Kitty Ghiddy” whenever I write him, I legit cannot take him seriously. Such a shame that he’s basically replaced Showa Ghiddy on merchandise, so it’s harder for me to find said Showa Ghiddy because of this thing. Oh, well.

Oh, and he replaced the BIDIBIDI of Showa with generic Rodan calls. And he also turns into a good guy at the end of the movie with Mecha-Ghidorah, and.... well, go down to the next entry for my thoughts on stuff like that.

GMK Ghidorah

He’s a good guy here. They nerfed the fuck out of him by having him be a juvenile (not even done well like Cretaceous Ghidorah), and turned him into a good guy. Granted, he was never meant to be in this movie in the first place and it shows. I’m a villain kind of person, and Ghidorah’s evilness is one of the biggest draws to his character for me. So taking that away... It just doesn’t work for me. It says something when I like GODZILLA more than Ghidorah in a movie. His design is okay, so at least he has that going. But...

Desghidorah

I really don’t like the design of the character. That’s literally it. I think four-legged Ghidorahs are very awkward looking; Ghidorah has a lot going on as is, three heads, two wings, two legs, two tails. Adding more legs... it’s just too much going on that tips the scales from ‘awesome’ to ‘messy’ in my mind. I can’t explain too well why I really don’t like the four-legged look to Ghidorahs, I just really don’t. But credit, he does pull off the look slightly better than the last one on my list.

AND MY LEAST FAVORITE GHIDORAH AND LIKELY TO GET A MOB ON ME IS.....

Keizer Ghidorah/Monster X

“An awkward horse” is what someone described him to me as, and I can’t help but agree. Again, that four-legged look breaks it for me but somehow, he looks EVEN MORE awkward than Des. I just can’t look passed it. Maybe it’s the front legs, or the wings looking too small for his body. Des just LOOKS a bit more natural in his four-legged-ness. 

Making it worse for me, Keizer has a second form that I REALLY don’t like: Monster X. They don’t even resemble each other. I can’t help but feel MX was supposed to be his own Kaiju, but they felt pressured to make Ghidorah the final boss so they combined them. Dunno if that’s the case, but it feels like that to me. Not even getting into the “how the hell does a dragon come out of THAT, where does it all GO when he changes back?”. And the biggest thing: I don’t like human-looking characters. I don’t care for human characters at all in any sort of media, or anything that resembles humans too closely. I skip human scenes entirely just to get to the monsters. Tis why I don’t really care for gijinkas either. As far as I’m concerned, I like the kaiju for being kaiju, and making them human just takes away all things interesting.

If Ghidorah kept everything intact about his personality, but you made him human... I wouldn’t even give his character a second glance, much less devote my Tumblr page to him! But yeah, tangent over. Monster X just looks too human for my tastes. 

Plus, tis hard to compete for my attention when you’re in the same movie as FW Gigan! It says something when Showa Gigan and Showa Ghidorah can share the screen and I love them both, but FW Gigan completely outshines FW Ghidorah...

-

So there we go, a complete list of my thoughts for every Ghidorah incarnation that I can think of. Hopefully I didn’t miss any. Again, these are my opinions and you’re free to like whatever Ghidorah. I’mma sleep now.

[tf2-headcanons-and-scenarios]

What if a s/o wrote poems and love letters to Medic in secret (never delivering them) and one day Archimedes grabs some of them and shows them to Medic?? X3

A/N: You are a genius. Enough said.

Another day, another letter written, sealed and stuffed into a drawer that was slowly losing space. No matter how many times they write anything directed towards Medic, [y/n] will never deliver or show any of them to him. That begs the questions as to why they write them in the first place. In a way, writing love letters and poems for a person that will never see them have [y/n] a medium to properly express their feelings towards the German doctor, and by golly would they die if Medic ever saw them. Heaven forbid Scout of all people found the stash.

Love in the battlefield was not commonplace, and even the smallest expression of admiration never went unnoticed. That didn’t stop anyone from catching feelings, and by golly did Medic catch feelings HARD. For the doctor, love was a chemical reaction the brain made and by golly did [y/n] make his chemicals skyrocket through the roof in the best of ways. The conversations he shared with them in the medical lab, the battlefield banter, the way they gently caressed the doves, it never failed to make him smile and feel light on the inside. However, despite [y/n]’s presence lingering in his mind, the more pressing matter that plagued his thoughts was where Archimedes flew off to.

—————————————

[y/n] just managed to stuff your latest poem into their desk drawer when Scout barged into the room asking if they wanted to play, and by golly they would be lying if they said they didn’t get startled by the boy’s presence. When Scout left, [y/n] opened the drawer to take the poem out again, more to see whether or not they were motivated to finish it or to just let it gather dust in a cramped space for the rest of eternity. They barely noticed the door was left open when the soft cooing of a dove startled them. Turning to find the door open and Archimedes sitting on the desk, [y/n] sighed and smiled.

“Hey there Archimedes. What are you doing all the way over here in this stuffy room?”

As innocent as Archimedes was, he was still Medic’s pet, and his curious nature led to him snatching a bunch of papers up from the drawer and fly away. Envelopes and papers began falling from underneath his talons, and [y/n] was left in a panicked state as they followed the dove, catching any lose papers that fell from his grip and stuffing each into a pocket. Heaven forbid if anyone else got to those pages before they did.

Well, it wasn’t as if [y/n] wanted that dignity anyway. Dying of embarrassment seemed to be a fitting end to their life too.

—————————————

Medic watched as Archimedes flew into his lab with a bunch of papers in his grip. Medic looked at an envelope with his name attached to it. He was not expecting the following to greet him:

‘Medic,

The hours we spend talking in the Medical Lab seem to be an eternity I long to hold onto. Your laughter brightens my day and you never cease to amaze me with your (questionable) knowledge of medicine and anatomy.

I may seem mad for saying this, but the best people are the ones who go crazy after all (I have you to prove that for me). Put simply: I seem to have the case of feelings, feelings I caught from you.

As stupid as I may seem right now, would it be possible to be more than friends?

[y/n]’

His face was bright pink when he picked up another item from the pile, this time a sheet of paper:

‘Roses are red. Violets are blue. Are you a bloody fish? Because you are quite the catch.’

‘M is for marvellous

E is for eccentric

D is for devious

I is for inventive

C is for certainly attractive’

‘Your eyes are like oceans

Your laugh is a breeze

If there’s one thing I wish for:

An eternity with you.’

‘Medic,

I hope I have the guts to send this your way this Valentines Day. I think the best way to convey how I feel is to say simply:

I love you.

But that’s a bit boring isn’t it? I wouldn’t know how you’d react, your the one reading this letter, I’m not.

Feel free to throw this out if you don’t care about it. I honestly don’t mind.

Is it weird to say ‘I love you’ at the end of this? Oh well, I’ll say it anyway, I did say it above too so I guess there’s no point being shy about it.

I love you,

[y/n].’

Medic didn’t think his face could have been redder, nor his body temperature hotter. Well, at least he knows [y/n] like him back, most likely at the cost of their now shattered dignity!

—————————

[y/n] was slowly dying of embarrassment after failing to catch Archimedes and get back the love letters and poems. A soft knock on the door brought their attention to the reality that Medic might confront them to either reciprocate the emotion or ask what the heck the letters were about.

Getting up, they opened the door to see a small box with a string tied in a bow. Collecting the box, [y/n] opened it up to see a rose and a letter addressed to them. Curiously, they opened it up to read the following:

‘Roses are red

Violets are blue

I fucked up this rhyme

Would you like to be mine?

Medic’

Their face red and their heart racing, two things came to mind for [y/n]:

1. Medic reciprocated their feelings (and definitely read the letters and poems if it meant sending a poem of the same fashion back)

2. He didn’t fuck up the rhyme. Legit he rhymed.

[iaintyourbro]

Let’s Talk About... On the Way to a Smile: Case of Tifa and The Kids are Alright: A Turks Side Story

Yes, I couldn’t sleep... again. I’ve gotten good at staying up two days at a time. Then sleeping and going back to it. I suppose it’s the quarantine... Which is only going to get worse it seems...

In any case, I finally got to read Case of Tifa... and... if you came out of that thinking they weren’t a thing... I don’t know what to tell you. I honestly went in to it expecting it to seem very ambiguous and very non-Cloti (in a sense). 

What struck me, first of all is the amount of guilt Tifa talks about having. Tifa seems to be just as bad as Cloud is, she just deals with it differently. Oddly enough, Cloud doesn’t show that much guilt immediately. Tifa is the one who is struggling with this major guilt initially. 

So let’s start with some screenshots (pictures?) I took of excerpts I found interesting. Some I’m sure you’ve seen before. 

Here we have Tifa talking about the guilt. She also feels insanely guilty for what happened to not only Aerith, but everything else that happened (Sector 7 Plate Drop/Avalanche). The other weird thing about this... and this is legit at the end of the OG... she almost is convincing herself that she should stay alive. I found a lot of sadness in that. And it’s not because of anything Cloud did. No... actually I think that’s what snaps her out of it. 

Of course we have a smiling Cloud. You’re going to see Cloud smiles... a lot... and he laughs too, which I really hope they show him laughing because I don’t know what it sounds like... 

I’m sure everyone has seen this. It’s the next page after Tifa calls Cloud out on his bright dork smile he’s giving. I mean he fucking says he has her. And that he knows what that means. 

I... I don’t know how you can’t take this in a romantic sense. Maybe because the guy barely smiles so to me this is massive. Maybe because he had a hell of a time telling her anything down Under the Highwind. I don’t know. But this seems like something that’s profound to tell a person. That’s the end of that section (teases - perfect moment for a kiss). 

I like the “What about you? Are you okay?” Strikes me as something we saw in Chapter 17 when you first get control of Tifa and Aerith, right? “What about you, Tifa? How are you doing?”

Tifa loses it, crying. Guilt, guilt, guilt. They talk more about Tifa’s guilt than they do Cloud’s guilt. Cloud comforts her here. Another profound thing at this point, but... we are seeing him do this in Remake already. The hug is the major one... 

But things like when he grabs her from having a crate fall on her... he could have pulled her out of the way and let her go or pushed her (like Leslie does in the sewers). No, he holds on to her. She actually is the first one to let go here. (Look how cute they are PSPSPSPSPSPSPS)

So this whole part just cracks me up. For one, it shows that these three were busy doing stuff together and slept under the plate, even though it could collapse. 

I HOPE WE GET A GODDAMN VISUAL OF THIS. Barret making happy Cloud and Tifa drinks? LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF?!  Barret talking about his past?!

“The other two [Cloud and Tifa] couldn’t remember the last time they’d laughed so much.” 

Let’s be real... probably when they were like 14 - maybe. 

There’s also a part later down that I didn’t get where Barret makes fun of them for getting trashed during this night. I would kill to ALSO see that. 

But... laughing, drunk Cloud? Laughing, drunk Tifa? Plz. 

Happy... sounds like the correct term.

Now there are moments as time goes on - mainly after the bar is open - where Tifa thinks about once the bar gets ready, is Cloud going to leave...

This is where I think people take it as they’re nothing. Tifa I think just has a very hard time accepting that not everything is going to be taken away from her. The impression I got from reading this is it was all in her head. Cloud himself gave no indication that he wanted to leave. (The Geostigma catalyst is later)

And here’s why I said I got no feeling that Cloud wanted to leave. (Oh here’s more about Tifa’s guilt). Above this, Marlene says Cloud and Tifa can be her parents and the two look at each other. Cloud doesn’t look away. Cloud also says Awesome with conviction. Looks at Tifa almost to confirm it’s okay... but these two like to talk without words. I think he knew she was getting nervous, so this was his way of saying “See? I’m not going anywhere?” 

Marlene gave him a nice little assist here so he didn’t have to say anything and Tifa didn’t have to ask. 

Tifa, I think, was already going through her major guilt turmoil - she had an immediate reaction to it. I think she knew, deep down, that Cloud eventually WOULD have this problem, and when she sees the slip from Elmyra for the Forgotten City, I think she knew that was the catalyst. 

“Stop worrying about what they were to each other.” I’ve seen a lot of jokes, mostly on Japanese Twitter posts, that Cloud assumed Tifa was his girlfriend. Like, he didn’t realize he needed to tell her that. I read a post about this somewhere too, that they got the impression Cloud (in the land of Cloud’s mind...) got was that Tifa was his girlfriend and knew this. I’m not sure if it’s because of Under the Highwind, I don’t know if it’s because he pulled the same shit on her and talked to her while she was sleeping. I have no idea. 

To me, Cloud and Tifa don’t have to say they’re boyfriend and girlfriend. It seems kind of funny after all they’ve been through. They’re almost like extensions of each other at this point. 

Okay so the above is from The Kids are Alright. Evan goes to see Tifa at the bar because he just saw Cloud and needs to get to Nibelheim. And Cloud tells him to talk to Tifa. 

I have to laugh about this Evan staring at chest line... lololol

Let’s talk about how she describes Aerith. “Friend doesn’t do her justice.”

...Did Tifa have romantic feelings for Aerith? Probably not (though we’d all be fine with it because Aerti is adorable). @holysmotez​ Made a very good post about how Aerith can be seen more as a holy/religious figure. I think Tifa saying this really does enforce that with me as well. 

Also this is the part where you find out there’s blackmail pictures of all three of them in the dresses: Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith. 

But I marked an interesting one - “I’ll be fine. And I’ve got Cloud, too.” She sounded confident.

Now, I was blowing through this at this point. I will go back and do a normal reading of it, but after this, Kyrie and Evan go on a journey round the world it feels like. There’s Nibelheim talk. They talk about some of the people who were killed during the Reunion and are found at the northern crater. 

And here is the end of The Kids are Alright. 

Cloud tells Evan that they’re a family. 

This is AT THE END OF AC when the church is being utilized as a way to heal folks. On thing that also seems odd... A lot of people were under the impression that Cloud disappeared for months... but it was like a week. Tifa blows him a kissy kissy at the end of the movie, then apparently walks up with him and the kids to see Evan and Kyrie - very family like. 

I also did not get any jealousy vibes from Tifa and no I’m hiding this cuz Aerith feelings from Cloud.

The part where he tells her where he found Denzel felt more like he knew she was worried about him closing in on himself again (which he already was anyway), but her reaction didn’t come off as she felt jealous nor that she felt he was hiding it cuz feelings. She wanted to go cuz she wanted to go and be with him and maybe feel her friend (more than friend) there.

I got the same feeling as I did when he was taking extra jobs to get extra money for his bike. Like I should have told you I was there, and it wasn’t really planned. I think he was praying or whatever the equivalent would be. He was feeling guilty, going down a bad path... because he wasn’t just visiting the church in AC. He also was visiting Zack’s grave. I mean, he let the Buster Sword rust to hell out there. (Angeal knows what you did, Cloud.)

So here’s how I feel after reading this, and now I do think that Remake is setting this up better.

Aerith is the same type of person to Cloud and Tifa. They both feel the same way about her. She feels the same way about them. It’s different than a simple friendship, but it’s not romantic. Spiritual is a good way to describe this. 

There is the part where Aerith says Cloud was more than a friend, for she had loved him. By itself I’d say holy shit, wow, Aerith had romantic feelings for Cloud. After reading the rest of this, thinking of the OG, AC, CC, and Remake - yes, she loved him - but not like she loved Zack - she loved Cloud as a special person, not in a romantic sense. I think she almost felt like she had to protect him, because in this same part when she says she loved him, she also says she knows he has almost a delicate heart, but also needed to find a way to warn him about the shit about to go down. 

I think if you asked Aerith about Tifa, she’d say she loved Tifa too. I think OG didn’t do a good job of building up the Tifa and Aerith friendship to show exactly how important she really was to the whole thing, but time constraints, technology, whatever, a lot of games in the 90s suffered from this type of shit. Get the game out! We’ll figure out the rest later...

This also does not talk about Cloud’s feelings on Aerith. The only indicator we really get in this is that Cloud felt guilty that he could not protect Aerith. 

My guess is he told Tifa this at one point, probably during one of the conversations that she needed his help to stay strong. That’s not romance. He felt obligated to protect her because he was supposed to be her bodyguard, but beyond that, he just protects people. He doesn’t have to be madly in love with them. There’s a difference in how he reacts to her death and Tifa’s simulated death. Cloud is able to function, fight Jenova, and carry her off to drop her off in the lake. 

Tifa’s he completely starts to freak. We see what he does in Nibelheim and overtakes Sephiroth. I am not sure what would have happened if Sephiroth didn’t stab him and Tifa had died at that point... I really don’t know. 

In any case, you should go read these novels too. The Kids are Alright has Kyrie and Leslie in it. Evan I’m sure we will see at some point soon.

Don’t be afraid to read them... I was because of shit information online, so I hope this puts you at ease.

Oh, Barret and Cid have a conversation about Cloud and Tifa being together too... 

[mysecretatticsstuff]

Pranks

Pairing : Jeon jungkook x reader

Word count: 27.3k

Warnings: Smut, Fluff, emotional breakdown.

Summary: You thought you were going to enjoy college. Even with unfortunate events and a poor sleep schedule you were trying to live your best life. Untill one particular kid, aka golden boy of campus came dashing into your life.

College. The place you got excited to go thinking you would finally meet good people, make friends and have the time of your life. And yet here you are, 3 am in the morning just barely hanging in there with a paint brush in your hand finishing up the poster that was supposed to be a group project for physiology class. You have dozed off a couple of times now, with eyes open doing the detailed line work that you suggested not to put in it because of the amount of time it takes. You almost messed it up but your multitasking skills save you. In short you hate college. Or more so, you hate your luck for always putting you in the companionship of the worst people in the world. You can now permanently stamp a "pissed off" warning to your forehead to avoid casualties.

Grumpy wasn't even a mood anymore, it's a lifestyle. And some people just make it real difficult for you to not eat them alive. On top of that list was Mr. Jeon Jungkook. Golden boy, good at whatever he does, loved by everyone he has a conversation with. Well except for you. You on the other hand want to kill him. Not because you're jealous or anything. Heck you would be happy for him if he didn't make your life a living hell. You always wondered what you did for him to hate your existence so much. He kept pulling off weird ass stunts with you. Once he filled your water bottle with chilli tomato ketchup, you took a gulp without knowing and had a red face for a legit hour. Another time he issued the last copy of only book that had the reference you needed and kept it untill a day before the assignment was due. So you had to beg him to give the book to you and complete the whole assignment in one day. (Which was not fun of course). He mixed salt in your drink, splashed water from behind while you were returning to your apartment and what not. At first you thought to ignore him, when the stunts were small. But he just kept doing that shit and you grew angrier. When you asked him, why the heck was he doing that to you he just simply smiled like a devil, winked at you and walked away. That was a year ago, since that day you have been wanting to kill him.

You weren't the aggressive type by nature, your friends would agree that you were the most calm and collected, amiable and open minded friend in the group. Your personality was more of a mediator than a murderer. But the golden boy brought out the beast in you. When you realised that he isn't stopping with the obnoxious pranks. You started pulling off your own as a revenge. To be honest you didn't even regret it. Heck it was even cathartic. Once you hid his clothes while he was in the gym, so basically he had to wait inside the bathroom for the whole day in a towel. (You took his phone too so that he couldn't call anyone for help). You "accidentally" splashed juice onto his crisp white t-shirt before an early morning class. You wrapped his bike with cling film and bubble wrap. It was tiring but worth it when you saw his face, glaring daggers at you cause he was getting late for class and couldn't leave his apartment. You made sure you smiled sweetly at him when he saw you that day.

By now, everyone in your friend circle and both of your departments knew how you both jumped at the first opportunity to ruin each others day. You stopped questioning Jungkook because he never answered instead you focused on how to attack him in the best way.

The past two months have been extra rough for you, both personally and academic wise. Hence, jungkook's bickering has had you in a new level of pissed. A level you didn't know existed. Honestly you were amazed by the fact that you haven't had a breakdown till now. You didn't get any chance to pull anything off against him and that makes you angrier. I guy you were talking to back and forth has suddenly ghosted you and you are wallowing in all the self pity. You've had less than 4 hours of sleep for the past week because of all the requirements for class. You're just a week away from finishing everything off and you're praying that the devil doesn't make it impossible.

You personally hated Mondays, but who are you kidding everyday feels like a monday now. You head to the library first thing in the morning to finish your paper, a semester worth of work. You settle in starting to type out the last page. About an hour later your phone vibrates.

"Hey where are you?" It was Sunmi your best friend.

"I'm in the library" you wisper shout

"Oh.. i had something urgent to say to you can you come out for a second. I'm almost there."

"Okay, coming" you say.

Outside, sunmi was waiting for you with a book in hand.

"Jeez, y/n you look dead. Do you even sleep anymore?"

You sigh out loud, "Don't ask, i feel like i'm gonna pass out anytime soon. Coffee isn't helping anymore. I think i need drugs"

Sunmi just shakes her head in disbelief "What you need is a good night sleep. And for the drugs part, try sex." She says this in such sincerity that you actually consider it for a second before she laughs.

You laugh too, "Uggh, i can't wait to finally go out this weekend, i'm turning into a hermit. Anyways i'm sure u didn't call me out here to talk about hookups..?"

At this she hands you the book, "Yeah I didn't, but we need to talk about your dry state after you're free tho, but till then here you go. The book that you were searching for, you wouldn't believe how I.. or i should say where I found it I-... "

"Wait... Before you start your essay, i need to finish my paper. I meet you after your classes today. Tell me then. I need to go... Bye!" you hurriedly say before you turn around and enter the library

"But it's about Jungkook... " Sunmi tries to explain. But she realises you can't hear her anymore. She says to herself rather, "I hope you don't find trouble."

You almost reach your designated place when you see him. White T-Shirt and olive green cargos. That little shit, what was he up to again? You hurry to your laptop, only to find him smirking as if he knows some secret you don't.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" You ask. "Ooh.. chill Princess, just thought i'd see you and your work". At the mention of work you wake your computer up. A chill ran down through your spine followed by panic when you couldn't find the document you saved. After a moment, your eyes shot up, glaring dangerously at him. He sat up, folding his arms onto the table. "What's wrong? Can't find something?"

"What the fuck did you do, Jeon?" You wanted to scream bloody murder at him, but you didn't know how were you this calm.

"Tsk, tsk,.. last names now huh? Someone's angry. Tell me princess, will I win a prank of the year trophy this time?"

You were unable to speak. Your blood boiled, you wanted to punch him, better kill him. When you didn't reply he continued. "I hope you remember what your wrote in your thesis, even better if your typing skills are on fire, cause you need to rewrite within one week" He was putting a full display of his evil grin. Clearly amused by the situation he put you in. But you slowly realised what he meant. You quickly went to the recycle bin of your computer to test your luck, but soon saw that the demon had already deleted it from the bin too. Your heart sank. This was not fair. You wanted to cry now. Months and months of your hardwork, gone now. What the fuck was that bitch even thinking. This was not a joke anymore. It was your finals. Yes you both have done horrible things to each other but you made sure that it never got out of line. But him deleting your final thesis. This was definitely out of the line. You could not rewrite the whole thing even if you tried in a week. It would never get close to the original one. You would miss many points and the writing style. Damn you for not keeping an extra copy of the thesis somewhere. But again, you never thought Jungkook would go this low. You didn't even want to think how he figured out the passcode for your laptop. Anger doesn't describe what you were feeling now. You wanted to shut down. When Jungkook didn't hear a threatening or a curse, he chimed in. "Have I pulled the most epic prank on miss y/n that it finally shut her smart mouth?"

You couldn't bare it anymore, all these weeks of running around with just 4 hrs of sleep or sometimes non has made you physically weak. You wanted to escape. You throat hurt from the suppressed tears. But you were not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. You look at jungkook in the eye. Cold. You stand up, take your things and leave.

All the way to your apartment, you wanted to cry, but you waited till you were inside the safe heaven of your bed.How could he do this to you? When this crazy prank scenario started you couldn't comprehend why the nicest guy ( according to students and professors) had taken a toll on you. Yes you were angry at the beginning. But soon it had simmered down to something else. You couldn't pin point what, exactly. It's true his pranks were delirious and you hated him with all your will, but you couldn't help notice the small ways he made a difference in your life. You were an over-thinker, and this stupid game of pranks with him kept you busy. It was kind of the only source of entertainment for you as academics was no joke. It's difficult to explain but you became more productive because of him. You became a more open person, you made a lot of friends and most of the conversations started with how people don't understand why both of yo fight. Jungkook's friends became your friends too. You found out a lot of things about him through them. One that he was a naturally competitive person. He was a big softy inside they said, that was a bit hard to believe for you. But once he stood up for you when you were being cat called, he was so close to beating the shit out of the boys, nevertheless you dragged him out of it. He walked you to your apartment without even uttering a word. You wanted to say thank you, but the very next day he deflated your tires. And the saga continued. The moral of the story is you definitely had developed a soft spot for him. And this prank was definitely a blow to your ego and your heart.

All the emotions, the exhaustion just came crashing down and you let the dam break. You cried like a baby, whether because of the grief of your lost files, anger or because of him entirely you didn't know. You woke up 3 hours later, with puffy eyes and a blocked nose. You decided you can't let him get to you. So you did what you do best, turn all the frustration into anger towards him. You arranged all the resources for your thesis, and then you sat down with your laptop typing away from the beginning.

You didn't go to college next day, thought it would be better to stay at home and work. There were no classes anyways. You already sent an email to your professor informing him that there was a technical difficulty and you lost your files. Your professor was kind enough to excuse you from all the classes that week to work on your thesis stating that you had good attendance already. Sunmi called you, she felt guilty about the whole thing. "I should have known there was something fishy when that asshole gave me the book. I shouldn't have asked you to come out".

"Hey, it's fine, it's not your fault. I'll kill him with my own hands once everything is over"

"Still.. i feel super bad. Let me know if you need anything. I can bring you books from the library.."

"Thank you sun, i'll let you know if I need anything.. "

"Okay.... Oh and y/n,.. Jungkook came looking for you today. He seemed anxious? kinda worried even. I told that fucker i don't know where you are. Thought you should know"

Jungkook was looking around for you, that's weird. Was he feeling guilty? You always came up with a new prank. Maybe he is just surprised you vanished. "Hmmm... Thanks, i don't want him to know anything about me, Anyways i couldn't careless about him now. See you later".

"Take care y/n".

It was 10 pm when you stood up from your desk, your shoulders and wrists were stiff from all the typing. You realised you hadn't eaten anything for 7 hours now. It was raining heavily, you felt a bit dizzy. When you finally get out of college, this would be a hell of a story to tell though. You missed home dearly, you wanted someone to just hold you and assure you that everything is going to be okay. You took some leftover pizza from your fridge and put it in the microwave. Sometimes living alone just gets to you. All the loneliness, all the times you wished someone was there to comfort you. Your body ached and you felt pathetic about yourself. 'Why me?' was your question. A mixture of all these thoughts and emotions were swirling in your head and you didn't even realize that you were crying now. This was your 3rd breakdown in a span of two days.

"Pathetic" you muttered to yourself. Then your heard the bell ring. Confused at who came by at this ungodly hour, you wiped your tears and went to get the door.

You didn't expect the person you were staring at. Doe eyes slowly scanned you, from your feet to face. Jungkook.

You must have puffy red eyes, you think. God you didn't want him to see you like this. All petty and defeated. He was partially soaked from the rain. Jungkook just stood there, staring back at you. You waited for him to speak, when he didn't, you finally spoke, "What are you doing here?"

"I didn't see you in college today" he replied. Jungkook looked guilty? Sad even. "Why didn't you attend?" He asks next.

"That's non of your business" that came out harsher than you thought. At this his face turned stern. "Were you crying?"

At this point you don't know what or when will you break down. You could already feel a little lump forming in your throat. You looked down at your feet. "Go away, i have work". That came out so fragile and weak, you cringed internally. He stepped in. Searched around in his pocket and brought out a small USB in his hand. You looked at it and then his face.

"Your files" he said.

"You... why would you even... What the fuck? Jungkook!" With every word your voice rose. You thought he was feeling guilty, but he was just a little brat, playing games. All your softness was gone now.

You could tell by his devilish smirk that he was enjoying this way too much. "Who do you think you are?" You saw red with anger. With that much of a volcano boiling inside you, you were not sure what were you doing. Your hand flew up involuntarily. Lets just say, you would have punched him if it wasn't for his quick reflexes. He grabbed your wrist, turned you around. His other arm swiftly snaked around your waist.

"Woah.. easy princess. You sure you can fight me?" He tightens his grip around you. You hate to admit how badly it affects you. You can feel your knees going weak. His taught chest pressed against your back. You can feel him way too much through your thin t shirt. Your face heats up without you wanting it. No, no, no, no, you can't let your stupid hormones get to you. This is crazy. You hate him. Then why do you suddenly feel hot? As if on cue he lowers his head and whispers in your ear, " You okay, sweetheart?"

The new pet name, sends a spike of electricity just between your legs. You bite your lip to control the moan that threatens to leave your mouth. He notices the change too, the tension between you two is growing. You turn around to face him. He lets you. "I hate you."

His arms are still around you, circling your waist. He looks soft, as if relieved of some burden. Your clothes are getting wet from the contact. You don't know what to say, because you can hardly process what is happening. Just then your microwave beeps to your rescue.

You half jump half stumble away from him. "Uggh, i'll bring you a towel. Be right back."

When you return, he is standing in front of the couch. Looking godly. You sneak a glance at his chest and now hardened nipples before landing your eyes on his face. You hand him the towel. As if a half soaked jungkook wasn't enough. He swifty stripped off his t-shirt before drying himself off. You freeze. He looks at you gaze piercing.

"W- why.. did you do that?"

"You need to be a bit more specific sweetheart" he takes a step closer to you. You don't move away.

"The pranks.. why do you hate me so much, that you need to make my life a living hell?" You said softly.

"Helps me sleep at night." He smirks. You rolled your eyes at this. You were about to turn around when he grabs you by hand.

"I don't hate you. It's quite the opposite actually" Your eyebrows shot up at this. "yeah right. You think you can fool me again?" You scoff.

"I know you're a fool sometimes, but to be honest y/n I didn't know you were this dense" He mocked with a smirk.

"What the fuck? Okay that's it. Get out of my house Jeon" you demanded.

"What if I say no, Princess?"

You couldn't believe it. This guy has the audacity to mock you in your own house and then refuse to leave. You were beyond irritated now.

"How do people like you? You're such an ass. Leave before-..." you didn't get to complete the sentence before he pulls you towards him, with such force that you stumble, loose your balance and fall straight on his chest.

HIS BARE CHEST. GOD THIS WAS BAD. You felt your throat getting dry. You couldn't speak. He was firm, you kind of wonder about how much he works out. You could feel his silky smooth skin. You just stared at him, like a deer caught in headlights.

"That's it? You're not gonna 'make me' leave princess?" He says, with his face inches away from you.

*Pull it together y/n* you scold yourself mentally. But you body just froze and it feels hot. You probably have a red face now. You make another mistake of glancing at his lips, which are so damn close, it kinda makes you feel things you can't explain.

Jungkook notices this. He sees right through you. He finally speaks, "If you still haven't got it y/n, i don't know what to do with you... I... " He sighs, "I like you y/n. A lot. And I don't know how to behave when i'm around you, so I keep teasing you.." he says with a sincere look. "And besides.. you look hot, when you are angry at me" He smiles.

You realise you're still holding each other. Your heart is hammering in your chest. He probably can feel it beating too. You want to punch him for being such a jerk, but you also want to kiss him. You're so frustrated, at this point you don't know where the courage came from for what you did next. You kiss him. Out of all the things this was something he did not expect. This time he froze, hands paralyzed at your hips. When he finally came to his senses that it was really happening, he kissed back.

You snake your arms around his neck, pulling his hair into a fist. He lets out a small moan. You pull back, smirking. "No snarky comments now huh Jeon?" you mock, satisfied with his look. His face is flushed. You can feel his member slowly growing. He took some time to overcome his initial shock. Then he said, "No shit.. I'm.. God you're hot" And he is kissing you again. More in control this time. You part your lips to let him enter. His hands cup your face. Your kiss gets heated, one of his hands goes down, between your breasts, to your stomach. Then he waits, as if asking for permission.

"What now?" You say in between your kisses. "No guts for that?" You challenge him. And this time he actually has nothing to say. So you smirk, you take his hand and slowly slip him under your t-shirt.

"Shit". He mutters. He touches your skin, you feel like you're on fire. Goosebumps form all over your body. You feel alive.

The next thing he did left you speechless. He slips both hand under your t-shirt and with one go pulls off your shirt and throws it behind you. You gawk at him in suprise. You can tell he liked the way you reacted because his eyes went dark and he looked at you like he wanted to take you right there. "Jeez Jeon.. give the girl a break" with this you latched on him again. He stumbled back and landed on the couch. Seeing the opportunity, you climb on him, Keeping your weight on your knees, you hover just above his member. You know he wants you to sit on him, but you don't want to give him the satisfaction.

"I think I need to mess with her assignments more often" saying more to himself than to you. "Specially if it leads to this" he stands up keeping you close.

" I heard that you idiot" you were now feverishly unbuckling his pants. He moved his lips to suck you down your jawline, he made sure to nib and suck a bit harder right above your pulse point.

You let out a moan. Your hands are shaking but you somehow manage to undo his pants.

You feel really hot. You were about to pull his pants down when he holds both of your wrists. You freeze, your mind racing at 100 miles per hour. Did you do something wrong? Are you crossing your line? Did he not want this and you took it otherwise? God this is embarrassing.

You eyes were still wide when he said, "I'm not messing around this time y/n. I really do like you" he looks so very sincere that he moves some part of you. But you decided that you ain't gonna let him go so easily.

"I had three mental breakdowns since yesterday". You shot back. At this his eyes turned sad. Like he was really feeling guilty. You felt bad for him now, wondering if it was too harsh.

"I never wanted that, I thought you would argue with me and at the end of it i'd give you the usb, but you looked so angry, and when u left without saying a word I knew i had fucked up. Big time."

You backed off, hands crossed in front of your chest.

Jungkook knew you were angry. But he couldn't deny that he was beyond turned on by this site, you just in your bra and shorts, angry at him. You didn't know how hard he was trying not to turn you around bend you over your desk and fuck you silly.

You noticed that he visibly gulped, he was eyeing you like a prey. But he waited, because you were angry. He wanted to do this right.

"And all this time I kept wondering what wrong did I do to you. I hate you, you know that Jeon?...

"Baby, i'm sorry" he purred stepping closer.

A new surge of arousal hit you at this. "D.. Don't baby me..." The stuttering gave you out. He smirked liked a devil. He closed the gap between the two of you. He hovered above your lips, "forgive me please" he said just an inch away from your lips.

"Kiss me please" you said, not being able to process anything. And he did, he kissed you like there was no tomorrow. Strong and urgent. He cupped your ass and gave a tight squeeze. You let out a moan.

"Do you want to take it to the bedroom?" He asked voice an octave deeper.

You nodded, not trusting your mouth. He lifted you and you wrapped your legs around him. His body was divine, his skin was smooth, heat radiated from him although he was soaked before, lips not sparring you even one 1 second. You could feel his hard on, on your stomach and it felt powerful that you can do such things to him.

"God i've been dreaming about this for so long"

"How long, jeon?" You asked stripping him off his pants and underwear.

"From the moment you debated with your proffessor about a theory in front of your department. I watched you prove your points to him, and i swear to god I had a hard on since. I had to run to the bathroom to give myself some relief " he chuckles at the memory.

"Nerd" Fully naked now, you stare at his body.

"Damn, why are you so hot. This is not fair"

He looked at you. "I see you haven't gotten rid of your clothes yet y/n.. i would like to watch baby"

So you stripped, putting up a show for him. He grabbed you when you were about to take off you panties. He turned you around, pushed you onto the wall, you balanced yourself onto the wall.

"You're gorgeous." He said before slipping his large hand in your panties and cupping your entire sex. He then hurriedly took your panties off. He pressed himself on your behind and you whimpered. He fondled your breasts with one hand and the other slowly slid towards your dripping core.

He kept touching you there, in slow tantilizing movements. You squirmed. He teased you more, knowing you needed some pressure on your clit. He avoided it the most. You were growing anxious.

"Juuunngkook... Please" you draged each syllable.

"What's wrong?" He was enjoying this way too much you could tell.

"I think I deserve being worshipped after what you make me go through kook". You stated with eyes screwed shut.

"Okay, that's fair". At this he dipped one finger inside, testing if you could take him. He gasped at the warmth and the slick that now covered his fingers. He started slow at first, drawing out low moans from you. Then without alarm he added one more digit and started pistoning in and out. You arched your back with pleasure. You were so aroused, and mixed up with your pent up stress and frustration you could already feel something heavy settling at your lower belly, tightening inch by inch.

"Kook... I'm gonna... Cum". You said between grunts.

"You're doing so good baby, cum on my fingers"

You found your release at his praise. Pleasure coursing through your veins with lightening speed. Mid orgasm Jungkook smacks your pussy. And you go crazy at that, so much that you see white. When you finally come to your sense you find his strong arms snaking your waist and holding you, so that you don't fall down. He upper body completely glued to you.

Then you finally speak, head thrown back chest heaving

"I think,.. this was the strongest I ever came in my life"

Jungkook chuckles, "You're welcome". He kisses your shoulder. He slowly lets you go, so that you can stand by your own. You haven't forgotten the fact that, his hard on is pressing onto your back, waiting for the attention.

"So tell me Jeon..." You kiss him slowly moving towards your bed, you stop, look him innocently in the eye and ask, "Where do you wanna cum? My mouth or my pussy?"

"God, if you keep saying such things, I think i can cum just like this" His hand rubs all over your body, "For now, let's put that sinful mouth of yours into good use, okay?"

You nod, leading him to lie down on the bed.

If somebody would have told you, the previous day, that you out of all the people would blow Jeon jungkook, in your bed. You would have smacked them in the face.

You straddle him, and then you start Pickering kisses, first his mouth then his jaw. You have to admit he is a damn good kisser, you get so lost in the kissing that you almost miss that he is grinding himself onto your core. Coating himself with the slick. You feel your pussy tingling. You keep peppering kisses moving to his jawline, then his neck, biting a bit hard on his sweet spot to make sure it blooms with purple afterwards.

At one point he gropes you ass with one hand and pushes you down to grind with more force.

"Change of plans sweetheart. Do you have condoms?" He asks, eye sparking with lust.

You sit straight, a smirk plastered on your face, you bend towards your nightstand, and bring out a foil packet from your drawer.

"Always so fucking prepared" he slaps your ass, you gasp at the sting. He is looking at you, trying to figure out whether you liked it or not. You moan, with your eyes closed.

Jungkook is painfully hard now. If he doesn't put it inside you, he thinks he might burst out of sheer arousal.

"Baby.." he says in a raspy voice

You hurry up at this, you tear the foil and roll it onto him. You raise up to lie down but he grabs you. "Ride me.." voice octaves lower. You're so wet already, you don't think you need extra prepping. You come back to your stance and slowly sink in holding his member for guidance.

Both moan at the pleasure surging through the body. You're impressed by his strength, for holding out so long. He has his eyes tight shut, almost as if everything is too much for him. You feel great, warm where he is inside you. You notice how beautiful he looks under you. Head arched back into the pillow, he looks sexy as hell.

You were zoned out in your thoughts, when he snapped back. "Y/n move". And there you were riding the most handsome guy from campus. And you couldn't believe both of you were making such mind blowing noises. You piston on him for a while before getting tired, thankfully he got the message. He started thrusting his hips up to you with such a velocity that you didn't know was even possible. You could feel another orgasm right around the corner, but you didn't want to finish before him.

"Kook, are you close?"

"So close baby" he whined .

"Me too.. ughhh"

At this he moved his hands from your hips to your breasts. He gave a squeeze. His member was throbbing inside you.

"Come with me y/n" he said through gritted teeth. Suddenly he then spanked one of your boob, while other hand pressed on your clit. You didn't see it coming and the suprise helped to exceeded any pleasure you felt in your whole life. Heat surged from your fluttering cunt throughout your belly. Your orgasm hit you like a truck. It was so strong you couldn't hear anything for some seconds. That followed by ringing of your ears.

You don't know when did he flipped you on your back but you could see his eyes screwed shut, eyebrows drawn together. One last trust and he was coming with you. Your highest high lasted for a while, and left you with aftershocks. Jungkook collapsed on top of you, he hadn't pulled out yet and your sensitive sex was still clenching on him.

You both layed there motionless. It was he who moved first, pulling out with a slight hiss. He tossed his condom with a knot in the trash can and fell back on the bed with a thump. You were still slightly dazed out from the orgasm. He chuckled seeing you in the bliss.

"God, Jeon, i'll be sore tomorrow."

"Well I'll take that as a complement" he smiled.

"That was hot. You're hot" you replied turning away your head feeling shy, all of a sudden.

He grabbed you by your waist and pulled you close, "Damn baby, i didn't know i'd see this side of y/l/n ever."

"Don't stroke your ego too much jeon".

He kissed your shoulder and smiled, "Do you have any idea, how hot and pretty and beautiful you are?"

You looked at him, for the first time you saw how his eyes twinkled while talking to you.

So you just kiss him, which he welcomes whole heartedly.

.

.

The next day you step in the college campus feeling amazing. You have been smiling to yourself since the morning. Since Jungkook gave back your thesis, it was just an hour's work away from getting the final sweep before submission. You hit the library, finish off your work and finally submit it. Your proffessor was not surprised when you told him that Jungkook pranked you again. Even if he found it weird that you had no anger or resentment towards him, he didn't point it out. Now that you felt 10kgs lighter, you had one class to attend and then you were done for the week.

You were heading back to class, when some of your classmates commented, "Hey y/n, we're rooting for you both" . They glimmered while talking to you. Unfortunately they passed by too quickly for you to enquire. You entered the class, confused and zoned out enough that you don't eveb notice how everyone's eyes are on you.

"Y/l/n".

You know that voice. You look towards the last row, he stands, smiling at you. You didn't know what was happening, but your nerves were on fire. Your hands suddenly got clammy and your heart beat started to fasten. You internally scolded yourself.

*Calm down, it's just Jungkook*

He looked nervous? You could tell, it wasn't his usual cocky behaviour. He didn't know what to do with his hands. So he just let them hang. It's weird you think.

As your gears in your brain were working, you start walking towards him. But his voice stopped you.

"Y/n".. then he jutted out his chin, pointing behind you. You could hear your heart hammering.

You turn.

" Y/N Y/L/N, I'M SORRY, SAY YES.. PLEASE?

-J.K. "

There it was written on the white board. In bold capital letters.

Is this a joke? If it's a joke you're not going to be able to walk out of here. Did Jungkook sleep with you so that he could pull the biggest prank in history? But he said all those sweet things yesterday right?

Before you could react, Jungkook spoke behind you. You turned to find him in front of you. You were hyperaware now, the students who were entering silently took their seats looking at you two. This felt like a scene from the movies.

"Y/n, i'm sorry that all this time I made your life a living hell. But i'm also glad because otherwise I wouldn't have the chance to know you." He smiles, his nervousness showing.

He slowly takes your hand. You let him. You already feel the emotions surging inside you. Is he really going to ask you out in front of the whole class?

He takes a long pause. It's almost painful waiting for him to finish the speech. Then he says-

"I'm sorry, Y/n will you be my girlfriend?" He says in one breath.

You gasped. All you could do was just stare at him, staring you back. Suddenly you forgot how to speak. Jungkook breaks the silence. "Say something please, you're killing me here. I -"

"Yes". He stops speaking. Grin slowly spreading from ear to ear.

"ABOUT FUCKING TIME" Someone from the class cheers. Everybody starts clapping. You can't stop smiling. Jungkook pulls you towards him, hugging you. You hug him back.

"Aww guys just kiss each other already!!" Hoseok, spoke with a mischievous smiled plastered on his face.

Jungkook pulled your face towards him for a kiss. It was a sweet kiss. You smirked when you felt how badly he wanted to shove his tongue down your throat but refrained since you're in public. Seeing you smirk, he whispers to you. "I can't wait to take you to my place after this". You shiver at the thought.

____________________________________________

"Mmmmm, kook..." He kissed your neck. You could get used to this. Straddling his lap and making out.

"Yes baby.." u feel his smirk against your skin.

"I have a question." You said, putting a space between you two. He took your hands and started leaving pecks starting from your knuckles moving upwards. You giggled.

"Why didn't proffessor take our class today, like he came 1 hr late, gave us homework and went away. I feel like this has something to do with you asking me out.."

"Y/n, babe out of all the questions you could ask me while making out, you choose this?" He pretended to be offended. You smacked his chest looking at him expectantly.

He started- "Well I might have talked to the prof before class telling him, i kinda need a favour from him.. "

"WHAT?" U couldn't believe this boy.

"Perks of having good rapport with prof. Also i always pay attention in class. You should learn from me y/n.." he looked at you innocently. As if he was not kneading your ass right now.

"Jeon Jungkook please tell me that you at least made up a situation or does our proffessor has first hand knowledge about us being in love.." the L word just slipped out. You acted like you didn't notice. But he surely did.

He winked at you, smiling wide like he got a promotion. "What did you just say?"

"Ugh about what?"

" About us being in something."

He was so smug about this, you knew he had won. You leaned into him.

"Let me show you instead" you wispered in his ear. The hair on Jungkook's body stood up , he had goosebumps. He picked you up towards his bedroom.

"Goddamn I love you".

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: The Perfect Date

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: There's trouble in paradise for you and Ben but will the distance bring about some revelations? And what does it mean for your romantic reunion?

Warnings: The usual fairly innocent stuff, some swearing and drinking and mentions of smoking, but with the additions of PDAs out the wazoo, public make out, private make out.

Words: 8093

A/N: Things get a lil spicy in this one! Small disclaimer that I don’t drink so I have no idea what wine does to someone, or two someones who split a bottle. Also just another reminder that this was in no way inspired by rumours regarding Ben’s rl relationship with Olivia Cooke. I believe they’re legit, and I will not engage with anyone about that topic. 

Taglist:  @laedymoon  @dtfrogertaylor  @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor  @hannafuckingsucks  @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @supersonicfreddie @tenement-funstah

@coni-martina @johndeaconshands @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle​ @vicouscirce​ @arianabrashierstuff​

You headed straight to the bathroom and threw up. Ben had called twice on your way home, but you’d let it go to voicemail, not ready to hear him admonish you for eavesdropping on him or to be asked if you felt the same. You supposed it was adrenaline or something that was making you feel nauseous. Of course, you’d have to talk to him eventually, at least to apologise for going so off book, but it could wait until you weren’t feeling so miserable. With teary eyes, you made your way to the kitchen, grabbed a drink to help settle your stomach, and then flopped onto the couch to flick through TV channels until you found something distracting enough. Your phone rang again but when you glanced at the screen it wasn’t Ben’s name you saw. “Mary?” If she heard any evidence of your distress in your voice she didn’t mention it, “Brilliant performance Y/N. The video was tweeted out about ten minutes after you left the restaurant and it’s already been shared more than you’d believe.” “Oh, that’s good.” “Better than good. People are eating it up. There’ll be articles tomorrow predicting your breakup and not just the ones we’ve organised. We’re going to ask that you and Ben refrain from seeing each other in public for the next two weeks or so, make it look like you’re taking some time apart. That’ll give the video plenty of time to circulate and allow us to get out a few variations of the trouble in paradise story. Of course, you’re free to visit each other and speak over the phone but be wary in case other paparazzi start following you in addition to the one’s we’ve hired. Chances are more people will be looking to scoop the official breakup story if all goes as well as these early numbers indicate it will. Then we’ll hit them with the romantic makeup dinner at Boucher. And after that it’s back to playing the happy couple. Of course there’ll be the press junket and premiere in a couple of months’ time and then we can break you up for good.” She kept talking about plans for he press tour, something about flights and hotels, but you stopped paying attention, already getting twitter open and searching for the video. It didn’t take long to find it, the caption proclaiming he who’d caught the footage had noticed you and Ben arrive and had pulled out his camera as soon as he realised things weren’t particularly happy. “Sorry, Mary, I’m gonna have to call you back.” “Everything alright?” “Yeah, just a small mishap with the washing machine. I’ll talk to you later.” As soon as she was gone you pressed play on the video. Filmed from a table to the left of yours and slightly behind your shoulder, the phone tipped at an angle so it wouldn’t be spotted. Your heart pounded as you watched. It was all there, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife as Ben tried to draw you into conversation. You heard the bite in your tone, the confusion in his. And you saw what you’d not noticed in the moment. The way his face fell when you said it was too much. The way his nails dug into his palm as he clutched his fork so tightly. The hurt on his face when you called him clingy and needy. He stood up as you walked away but he didn’t follow, just dragged his hand through his hair and then sat down heavily, worrying at his thumbnail with his teeth. The waiter came over, presumably with the bill but the video cut out before anything more was said. They’d got what they wanted. They didn’t need the aftermath.

The next day there was an unexpected knock on your door. You put down your phone where you were watching the video again and peeked out the window, worried that it was Ben come to confront you. Instead you saw Felicity raise her fist and knock again. “I saw the video,” was the first thing she said when you let her in, “are you okay?” “I wish people would stop asking me that. I’m fine.” “You had a straight up cat fight in the middle of a restaurant, and there are paparazzi practically camping in your front yard, you’re not fine.” “Okay, maybe not fine fine. But it’s whatever. How many are out there?” “Three. But what happened? Last week you told me you weren’t going to break up.” “We haven’t broken up.” “Well then what was that?” “I don’t know. It’s been building for a bit I guess. He’s just more serious about it all than I am.” “So I heard. Are you sure you aren’t just panicking?” “Panicking about what?” “Well, y’know, you’ve been in the tabloids a bit lately. That must put a strain on things. Maybe you just got a little freaked out by it and pushed Ben away rather than let yourself be vulnerable,” “What are you my shrink?” “Hey, I’m just trying to help.” “Yeah well, you’re wrong. The paps are kind of annoying but they aren’t the problem. The problem…” you took a breath as you considered what was safe to say, “the problem is that Ben has been on a different page to me for a while now. I think we both just need some space.” “Okay, if that’s what you want to go with,” she clearly didn’t believe you, “Have you talked to him about it?” “Not yet. Figured I’d call back sometime today when my head was clearer.” She nodded, “Well, I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Moral support when you call him or someone to bitch to afterwards or just somebody to get drunk with.” She pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tight and for a moment you felt like you might cry. All you could think about was Ben’s expression when you walked out, how wounded he looked.

Felicity stayed with you for the rest of the day which was good because her presence stopped you from doing nothing but watching the video over and over again. As it was you found it hard to keep yourself from looking at the comments people left on it. A lot of people took Ben’s side, calling you a bitch or worse, sometimes even direct messaging you their opinions. But there were also those lampooning Ben for smothering you, some going so far as to claim they were early signs of manipulative and controlling tendencies and that he deserved the public humiliation of it all. Those were the comments that made you feel worst. Being called a cunt you could deal with. Being told Ben deserved better you could easily deal with. But seeing such horrible suggestions of Ben being thrown about made your heart ache. He wasn’t mean or manipulative. He’d been nothing but kind to everyone on set and especially to you. Any lingering annoyance that hadn’t left you along with the little you’d eaten seemed to melt away, leaving you feeling cold at the thought of what you’d said. Yes he’d been stupid and selfish to agree to pretend to date you when he actually had a crush on you. But not once had he tried to wheedle a confession of love from you, not once had he pushed himself onto you. He’d always been respectful of your boundaries, warned you before he kissed you, asked if you wanted to share a blanket rather than just assume you did. Even your rules he’d mostly stuck to. The one exception being the cutesy nickname, but you’d never put up much of a fight with that. You only knew that he felt something for you because you’d listened in to a private conversation. And really, could you blame him for developing feelings? You’d literally been cast as lovers because you had good chemistry and then you’d spent weeks getting even closer, made all the more necessary by your fake romance. He was hardly the first person in history to have his on-screen feelings transfer to real life. And surely, if he’d decided to tell his friend everything, even after signing contractual documents about keeping it secret, then he must be serious about you, about how much he liked you. Maybe you had it wrong. Maybe there was something there you hadn’t consi-. “Stop wallowing,” Felicities voice cut through your thoughts, “Put the phone down and stop thinking about Ben for five minutes.” You shook your head to clear it, “I’m not wallowing.” “Are you on twitter right now?” “Maybe,” “You’re wallowing. C’mon, give me the phone.” She held out her hand, giving you had no choice but to hand it over. “Has anyone ever told you you’d make a good teacher,” “Once or twice. You can have this,” she brandished your phone at you and then shoved it into her bag, “back when you’re ready to call Ben. Until then we are getting out of the house.” “Out of the house where?” you asked, letting her pull you from your seat. “Just out. You need some fresh air. Go on, get your shoes.” “Alright, alright, I’m going,” you said, with the first genuine chuckle you’d had in days.

You ended up at the park a street over, sitting on a bench overlooking the duckpond. One or two of the photographers followed you, but they were easy to ignore. As soon as you stopped moving your mind was back on the previous night, but Felicity must have sensed as much for she quickly blurted out a fun fact about ducks to distract you. For the rest of the time you were there she kept your mind on other things. She gave you an extended rundown on all the gossip from her workplace. It didn’t matter that you didn’t know who Derick was, you soon heard all about his tryst with the copy boy, and when you asked if the Susie M who was mentioned was the same Susie M that made out with the boss at last year’s Christmas party you heard all about the fallout from her drunk misstep. Felicity led you on a stroll around the pond as you laughed at her stories and filled her in on what you were hoping your next role would be. “I’ve been sent a couple of interesting scripts. There’s one for a sci fi time travel thing which I’m hoping to get a call back for. And there was one for a comedy about a coven of witches causing mayhem with their potions. I’m only about halfway through the script but I’d happily play any of the three lead witches, so I think I’ll have a crack at it.” “They both sound really good. Different to your last role.” “Yeah. Different’s good though.” Eventually you wound your way towards a small coffee shop opposite the far side of the park. The slice of apple tea cake you ordered was the first food you’d eaten since the few bites at dinner and Felicity didn’t let you leave until you’d finished it, though she was subtle in her insistence. When you put your fork down with food still left on the plate she ordered a second coffee for each of you which gave you little to do but keep eating. You thanked her after but she pretended not to know what you were talking about. It wasn’t until you got home again that she returned your phone. “You should call Ben,” “Do I have to?” “Stop pouting and do it. You’re cute together and you obviously love him. Just suck it up and talk to him.” You let out a heavy sigh and then took the phone back, refraining from rolling your eyes at how wrong she was about your feelings.

You headed out onto the back patio and, with some slight trepidation, called Ben. The call rang out. With a frown you headed back inside only to be greeted by Felicity making chicken noises. “I didn’t chicken out, he just didn’t pick up. He must be busy.” “Or he’s upset. Call back. You can come in after he’s not picked up three times or you’ve had a chat.” “Okay, I’ll try again, jeez,” you went back outside and shut the door behind you. Your second attempt was as unsuccessful as your first and you were just about to hang up on the third try when he picked up. “Hello?” “Hi Ben,” “Y/N,” there was none of the joy in his voice that usually accompanied your name. “Can we talk, is now a good time?” “Yeah,” “Okay, I just, uh, I wasn’t sure since you didn’t pick up straight away.” “Well I wouldn’t want to come across as more needy than I already do.” “I shouldn’t have said that,” you leaned against the wall of the house in the same spot you’d seen Ben lean countless times after you’d told him he couldn’t smoke inside, “I’m so so sorry about everything I said.” “It’s not what you said, Y/N. I get it, we had to fight and you let loose. From an acting perspective I’m actually really fucking impressed. I, uh, I might have watched the video when I got home, just once, and it looks legit. Like, that line about pretending to love me as much as I do you.” You held your breath, waiting for him to ask how you knew. “I mean, that’s exactly what we were going for anyway, just without the details of not having met each other’s families. Everyone still heard us argue about moving at different paces and it was some really great improvisation.” “You think so?” “Yeah absolutely. I don’t think I could have come up with a line like that on the fly. Seriously, if we were allowed to tell people it was fake, that would have fit well on your audition reel.” “So you’re not upset with me?” There was a pause as Ben thought about his next words. “Not upset exactly. Like I said, I get that it was a scene. But the way you sounded when you called me clingy….it was pretty clear there were some real feelings in there too and I,” Ben sighed, “I just wish you’d talk to me about how you were feeling beforehand.” “I didn’t really know how.” “But if I’d known that I was making you uncomfortable or coming across as clingy I would have pulled back. I could have texted less or crashed at your place less often. Not insisted on buying you books on our fake dates.” You scuffed your foot against the ground, not sure whether to come clean about overhearing him. You’d expected Ben to have realised by now that you knew, not to take what you’d said as some incredible performance. “I know I got kinda caught up in it all though,” he said before you could summon the courage to admit anything, “I, um, I really like…” You could feel your heart racing, convinced he was about to confess his feelings for you, completely unsure how to react. “…being someone’s boyfriend.” “Oh,” Why was he so determined to surprise you? Why did you feel disappointed? “It suits me. I like having someone to dote on and take care of and talk to and I guess it’s been a while since I properly, seriously dated anyone. I feel like I’ve got all this boyfriend energy stored up and nowhere for it to go. It comes in handy when we’re pretending to be on a date or whatever but sometimes it slips out when we’re just hanging out as friends, without the cameras and all that. Which isn’t an excuse or anything, I’m not trying to undermine any discomfort you felt.” “No, I get it.” “You do?” “Yeah. I mean, we said it was a weird situation right back when it was first pitched to us. That hasn’t really changed, has it?” “No,” he said with a small, soft chuckle, “still weird.” “Exactly. And sometimes I think it can be kind of confusing.” “Confusing?” You had a sudden mental image of a dog with pricked up ears, “Confusing’s maybe the wrong word. Hard to keep up with is I guess what I’m trying to say. It’s different to acting in love with someone on a movie because on a movie there’s a definite time span. The director calls cut and you can stop pretending. But we don’t get that cut. Even when there’s no cameras we’re still faking it for the people we know and anyone who might see us,” you glanced inside to make sure Felicity wasn’t listening in. “Do you think that’s why you didn’t know how to talk to me? Because there’s no clear line between Y/N and Ben as friends and Y/N and Ben as a couple.” “Maybe,” you shrugged, “I don’t think it helps.” “Yeah. It’s like, obviously there are times when we have to be all coupley and I guess it gets hard to say when something is uncomfortable because then it’s like what about next time we’re out and we have to do that thing anyway. And there are things I’m happy to do with my friends that I don’t think twice about but might carry extra meaning in our situation.” “Exactly. I don’t want to say I don’t like something and make you feel bad when we then have to do it because people are watching.” “So what are you suggesting then?” “Well, we aren’t allowed to see each other in public for a couple of weeks now, right? So maybe this could be a chance for us to take a break. Not in a completely cut off way, I still wanna talk to you and stuff. But if we give ourselves some space, y’know. Try and shake….excess feelings a-and work out our boundaries better.” “Sure, yeah, I can see how that would help.” “It’s just a couple of weeks and like we can still text or call or whatever we just wouldn’t hang out together and it wouldn’t be every day.” “Y/N, I get it. It’s a good idea.” You took a deep breath, “Okay. Cool. Um, so we’re good?” “Of course we are. I-” Ben seemed to stop himself from saying something, instead sighing, “We’re good,” “Good.” There was nothing else to stay but you didn’t want to hang up. Neither did Ben, it seemed, both of you just standing in silence. You could hear faint music playing on his end, like it was coming from another room. Maybe he was in his kitchen, leaning against the bench, the radio on in the next room over. Or maybe he was sitting on his couch, the TV down low so the repetitive game music wouldn’t disturb your conversation. You could see him so clearly, sitting in his usual seat, controller abandoned beside him. You wondered if he could tell where you were. “I guess I should go then,” He said softly, “I’ll talk to you soon.” “Bye Ben,” “Bye cud- Y/N.”

“How’d it go?” Felicity asked when you came back inside. “Alright. We’re gonna take a break from seeing each other so much and sort out how we feel and stuff.” “That sounds good,” “Yeah,” you felt relieved at having had the conversation but it was mixed with a weird sadness you couldn’t put your finger on, making you feel vaguely like you wanted to be sick again. “Why don’t you go lie down for a bit. I’ll hang out and then tonight we can order pizza and watch cat videos or vine compilations or something dumb like that.” “You don’t have to stay, I’m fine.” “Hun, I’m staying. Maybe I’ll take a run to the shop, pick up some ice cream and booze and face masks. Sound fun?” “Definitely,” “Alrighty then, it’s a plan.” You felt slightly cheered by the thought as you made your way to your room and fell onto the bed, not bothering to change or move the covers, but it didn’t stop room from blurring with tears as soon as you were alone.

Keeping the distance between you and Ben was a mixed bag. On one hand not seeing each other meant there was no lingering pressure of another date or photo opportunity weighing on you. But on the other it also meant a queue of TV shows you felt unable to watch since you’d started them together. You didn’t have to worry that Ben would suddenly call you or rock up on your doorstep, unable to keep his affections to himself any longer. But you also missed out on random messages asking if you could remember that song (“you know the one it was from the early 2000s. Went something like…,”) or the way he’d chuck popcorn at you from the other side of the couch until you managed to catch some in your mouth. It gave you a chance to relax without worrying you were leading him on, or that you’d say the wrong thing, or that the rules you’d come up with would be broken. But that was because you barely spoke to him. Your communication was kept to text messages whenever something big happened and not much more. Ben sent you a message when he got a call back for one of the movies he’d auditioned for. You texted him when your neighbour’s dog had puppies, partly because they’d asked if you knew anyone who could adopt one when it was a little bigger, but partly because the second you saw the babies you thought of how much he’d love them. And yes, you were sleeping better without so much pressure and anxiety, but it hadn’t stopped Ben from appearing in your dreams and even daydreams, explicitly so more often than you were willing to admit. Then of course there was the bombardment of emails from family and friends checking in on you after they’d seen the video. It got so out of hand you’d had to make a rare post on your private Facebook account letting them know things were fine, just to get them to stop harassing you. But you couldn’t stop the harassment you were getting from strangers on all your other social media pages. You got into the bad habit of checking all the big gossip mag websites for  stories about you, following them with as much fervour as any fan might. Ben must have had some paparazzi taking up residence on his street too because you saw countless pictures of Ben going about his day – out with friends, walking to Tesco, smoking outside a pub. And every time there was some story attached either about how heartbroken he was or about how he was sneaking off to meet you in private. You coped the same treatment, though sometimes with the added twist of announcing you were pregnant. All it did was make you wish you could have a hug from Ben and talk about it with him. You came very close to buying a pack of cigarettes one day, just so you could burn one and have its scent linger around your house like Ben had brought it in with him. Felicity was brilliant. She found amusement in the unfamiliar photographers, especially when an article appeared with photos of you and her hugging on your doorstep, speculating you’d moved on from Ben already. It wasn’t so surprising that she’d snuck her way into the magazines she so loved to read considering she checked in on you a lot in the first few days. But, as much as you loved her, and as much as she made you laugh, she had her own job and partner to think about and she couldn’t quite grasp what was happening the same way Ben could have. You missed him more than you thought you would, even with all the baggage from his unrequited crush. So much so that the realisation your makeup date was approaching had you grinning as you made your morning coffee, humming the song from his mug.

It was a surprise, though not an unpleasant one, to hear your phone ringing at close to nine the night before the date. You were sitting in bed playing solitaire on your laptop when your ringtone interrupted. Ben was apologetic as he greeted you, repeatedly saying sorry for calling at all. “It’s okay Ben, I really don’t mind.” You said, putting the laptop aside and relaxing back against the pillows. “Are you sure? I should have just emailed you.” “Ben, stop. I’m glad you called. I’ve missed hearing your voice.” “You have?” “Of course I have. I spent two and a bit months doing nothing but listen to you blab, you really think I’d just forget you?” You could hear his smile when he continued, “I’ve missed talking to you too. I figured this would be a good excuse.” “This being?” “Tomorrow night. Peter said he’d send you the info.” “Of course, yeah I got his email. Tomorrow night, meeting at Boucher at seven.” “Yup, that’s the info.” “I was told to dress up and be prepared to smooch.” “Did he say smooch?” “No,” you laughed, “His phrasing sounded a lot stuffier and careful not to create a lawsuit, but I figured that’s what he meant.” “Yeah, um, you’re okay with that?” “Absolutely. It’s a makeup dinner and we’re going to be together for another couple of months so we should play up the romance and the um, physicality and all that.” You tried to ignore the sudden warmth in your cheeks and the memory of your last dream. “Okay, good because I was specifically told about what happens when we leave the restaurant.” “Hmmm I think I remember something about that but again, stuffy non-lawsuit language. Kinda hard to follow at times.” “Basically they want us to make out while we wait for an Uber. Like, proper make out.” “Oh,” “I told them neither of us are public make out people but they’re insisting they need it. Something about it being an obvious indication of getting back together or whatever. And technically we agreed to it when we signed up for this whole thing.” “Thanks for the heads up.” “No worries. Glad I called now, wouldn’t have wanted to just spring that on you. But um, that’s it really, I’ll let you get back to your last night of peace.” “Wait,” you blurted without having anything else to say. “Yeah?” “Ummm, oh! Did you hear anything more about that movie?” “Not yet but Peter said they’re still in talks. Hopefully soon.” “What’s it about?” “It’s an actiony thriller thing. This guy, the role I auditioned for, witnesses a murder and then gets dragged into this revenge mission. I’d get to shoot some big guns and drive a cool car and y’know save the girl, all that stuff.” “Sounds fun,” “Yeah, what about you, any auditions?” “One or two but nothing’s come of them. I sent my reel in for this supernatural comedy about a coven of witches. Too soon to know anything though.” “Well I hope you get it,” “Yeah, likewise.” “Thanks.” You were forcefully reminded of your last conversation when you both lapsed into silence again, neither of you making any move to hang up. You wanted to keep talking but part of you was worried that if you used up all your conversation topics now, you’d have nothing to talk about over dinner tomorrow, and if that happened you were bound to blurt out something you shouldn’t. Instead you just savoured the sound of Ben’s breaths and the odd rustle of clothing as he shifted around. Once again he was the one to break the silence. “Well, as lovely as it has been to chat, I should go. Gotta get a good night sleep so I’m ready to woo you tomorrow.” “You’re not going to bed yet are you? It’s so early,” “I was gonna read or something for a bit actually.” “Have you finished that show we started?” “Which one?” “Any of them? “No. Figured they could wait.” “You wanna watch one now?” “What, over the phone?” “Yeah, we can try to time it so it plays at the same time.” “Uh, sure, why not,” You quickly grabbed your laptop and, after some discussion of which show you were more in the mood for, found the right episode. There was laughter on both ends of the line as you attempted to hit play at the same time, counting down from three between giggles. It took you a few tries but you eventually got them to sync up, more or less. It felt nice to hear Ben’s laughter again, his voice when he sang along with the soundtrack, his comments about the nitty gritty of the production side – odd line deliveries and angles of shots. He was easy to talk to. Though with everything that had happened, everything you knew, just the act of talking to him set off butterflies in your stomach.

It took you well over an hour to get ready for the date. You’d been told to go all out so that’s exactly what you did. With a little help from Felicity so you could get away with a calming pre dinner drink. She gave you a hand choosing an outfit – a dress, short but not too short, classy but eye catching. It had started life as a dress for a movie premiere but after a few years the top didn’t fit quite right so you’d had it altered, the skirt was taken up, cut off and attached to a new top that more suited your current style, leaving you with a slightly shorter and much more you outfit. Glass of Prosecco close to hand, Felicity worked on your hair and offered advice on your makeup. When you were finished and could reveal the full look to her, she squealed. “You’re absolutely going to get laid.” “Shut up. I look alright though? Lipstick’s not too dark?” “Honey, you look gorgeous. I swear, you’re gonna get dicked down in the bathroom of that fancy as fuck restaurant because he’s not gonna be able to keep his hands off you.” You burst out laughing, “Good to know. Not exactly the plan for the evening but at least I’m prepared now.” “What is your plan?” “I don’t really have one, which is not helping me stay calm. I guess just find out if he’s still interested in me. And then work out where we go from there. We talked last night and that was good but I just need to know if he’s, you know, still into me.” “He’s head over heels for you, that won’t have changed. The question is, do you love him?” You wanted to say no but obviously couldn’t so you settled for a soft, “I’ve have missed him.” She hummed with an annoyingly knowing look. “I should be going, the Uber’ll be here soon.” Felicity pulled you into a hug, “Knock him dead, Y/N,” and then, as an afterthought added, “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” “You first hooked up with your girlfriend because some drunk guy told you he’d buy you both drinks if you made out. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do.” Felicity laughed, “That was just a free drink, imagine what I’d do if there was a fancy French dinner involved.”

You arrived before Ben did. A quick glance up and down the street told you he wasn’t approaching just yet, so you opened your clutch to give yourself something to think about other than the sound of snapping cameras. Phone, lipstick, tissues, compact mirror, three condoms. You laughed to yourself when you saw them and made a mental note to lie about how useful they were when you next saw Felicity. Quick footsteps caught your attention and you looked up in time to see Ben running towards you. “Sorry, I’m late,” he said between breaths, pressing a kiss to your cheek as soon as he was within reach, “My Uber got caught in traffic and I had to make a stop,” He held out a small bouquet of flowers in a variety of pinks, purples and yellows. “For me?” “No for the other girl I’m seeing, of course for you. You like them?” “They’re beautiful,” you took the bouquet and breathed in its sweet scent. “I saw it in the shop and, um yeah, I don’t know, they seemed nice, a-and I know you, um, like nice things, so,” he stopped babbling with a pained expression on his face, for once more visibly nervous than you. “It’s very sweet of you, thank you,” “I’m glad you think so because right now it feels kinda cliché and cheesy. Now you have to carry them around all night, what was I thinking? And god can I just shut up. Sorry.” You couldn’t help but laugh as he scrunched his nose up and ran his hand through his hair, unintentionally endearing, “Calm down, Ben, we’ve done this before.” “I know,” “Let’s just go inside, further away from these cameras, and have a drink, sound good? “God yes,” he nodded and let you lead him through the door up to the hostess stand, managing to pull himself together enough to give her the name of the booking. As expected, she told you to wait in the bar until a table was ready.

Ben downed his first drink in one hit. It made you wonder how hard he was finding it to be around you. Had the space helped him quiet his feeling for you? Or had it just made him want you more? Was that why he seemed so out of sorts, stumbling over his words in a way that was so unlike him. You desperately wanted to find out where he stood but it was impossible without giving yourself away. What you needed was for him to make another phone call you could overhear but the likelihood of that happening was slim. You’d just have to put it from your mind for now. “Better?” You asked Ben as he caught the barman’s attention and ordered a second drink. “Getting there,” He took the new glass and drank, just a sip this time, “You look stunning by the way. I should have said it earlier,” “Thank you, you look very handsome,” He glanced down at the suit he was wearing, “Thanks.” A somewhat awkward silence followed. “So,” you said, louder than necessary, desperate to get him talking like he normally did lest you start to freak out too, “You been here before?” “No. Never even heard of it before Mary and Peter mentioned it. You?” “Same.” You looked around the room, searching for something else to talk about, “Nice though.” “Yeah, yeah, really swanky.” “Bit different from the painting thing,” “Yeah, very. Look I need to tell you someth-” “Mr Hardy? Your table is ready,” You smiled at the hostess, as he thanked her, and followed her towards a table for two, setting your bouquet down to the side. Ben smiled at you from across the table. “You were saying?” you asked, apprehensive and curious. “Oh, um, nothing, doesn’t matter. We’ve got a date to focus on.” “Wouldn’t want all these prying eyes to miss anything,” “Exactly. Cuddle bunny,” You smiled at the nickname despite its ridiculousness and leaned forward in your seat slightly, letting your fingers gently rest against the back of his hand. If he wanted to focus on the date and putting on a good show for the public then that was something you could do, “Babe.” The flush you’d seen creep onto Ben’s face before appeared again and he reached for his glass once more. “So, how have you been?” you asked, pulling your hand back towards you. He looked at its retreat and then back at your eyes, “Good. Got to hang out with the boys a few times last week which was really good.” “Beat them at any more video games?” “They won’t let me anywhere near FIFA at the moment,” “Discrimination,” “That’s what I tried to tell them!” he laughed, seeming to relax a little more, “bunch of babies.” “What about that trip thing you were organising, have you sorted that out?” “Not entirely. It’s with my friend Joe who lives in the States. He was going to come out here but we decided it wasn’t worth it since I’ll be over there soon anyway.” “You will?” “Well both of us will be. Part of the press stuff for The Perfect Match.” “Oh, right, of course,” you giggled and tucked your hair behind your ear. “He’s looking forward to meeting you though.” “I bet he is,” you said automatically. Of course he’d be keen to meet the woman his friend was infatuated with, you would be too. Ben gave you a questioning look but you covered well enough, “I mean, he’d obviously know about us dating so I assume he’d be curious to meet your girlfriend. Especially if we’re having public spats and stuff.” “Right, yeah, definitely. What about you? What’s been happening?”

From there you fell into your usual style of conversation, both of you relaxing more as the night wore on and the bottle of wine you ordered grew emptier. The only difference from normal was the romance of it all, played up as much as possible. Brushing hands as you both reached for the salt, soft smiles and laughs. You even went so far as to twirl a strand of hair around your finger like some love struck teenybopper in a soap opera. When your food arrived you let Ben feed you a bite off his fork. You offered a taste of your meal in return and he held your wrist as he leaned in. A gesture that left you breathless, blinking at him as he slowly withdrew his hand. The wine’s fault probably. You’d polished off the bottle by the time dessert arrived, on top of the drinks you’d had before you sat down. It made you feel looser and you assumed the same of Ben, judging by how different his demeanour was to the nervous, stuttering one he’d had when he showed up. Perhaps that was why, with a spoonful of chocolate mousse halfway to his mouth and no regard for the conversation you were having, he suddenly said, “Can I ask about these last couple of weeks?” “Uh, yeah, what d’you want to know?” “Was it good? The space, did you get what you wanted from it?” You thought for a moment, putting down your own spoon, “Yes. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t helpful because it really was. Just, having that break from everything. I think I really needed it. But I really really missed you too.” He smiled at that, looking down at his dessert like he was trying to hide it, “I’m glad. It was hard not seeing you but yeah, helped me figure some stuff out too. Confirmed some other stuff.” “Like what? If you don’t mind me asking.” “Like…um, the thing I said on the phone about enjoying playing the boyfriend. I like having someone special to share things with,” He sighed, “But that’s…not relevant right now. Do you want to get out of here?” You were a little taken aback by the suddenness of the suggestion but agreed, reapplying your lipstick for the cameras while the waiter collected your bill.

Ben wrapped his arm around your waist once you were outside, pulling you close. With the pretext on planting a kiss on your temple he quietly asked if you were ready for the next part. “Lay it on me,” you giggled, feeling warm and light. A second later his hand was sliding down your side towards your bum which set off another wave of giggles. He kept you close as you walked down the street, oblivious to the flash of cameras. Ben kept his arm around you, using the other to open the app and order a car. You stopped when you reached a quiet bus stop, Ben letting you go to sit down, tapping the spot beside him. But his hand wasn’t gone for long, instead moving to cup your cheek as he pulled you into a kiss. “I missed doing that,” he muttered but you were more focused on making it happen again, shifting yourself closer, laying your hand against him, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. His heart was pounding under your palm, but it matched the beat against your own chest. You’d forgotten how good he was at kissing but it came flooding back as you opened your lips for him, felt his tongue against yours. His hand was firm on your back, pulling you in but still not close enough. You whined, let him pull you onto his lap, pressed yourself against him, one hand in his hair so he wouldn’t stop kissing you. His hands were everywhere, on your arms and back and squeezing your arse, holding you in place as you arched your back slightly and kissed him harder. A car horn right beside you made you pull away, startled. “Ben?” The older man asked, looking down at their phone, “I’m here to pick you up.” “Shit,” Ben said softly, and then to the driver, “Sorry, yes, that’s us.” You let your head fall forward onto his shoulder for a second, smothering your laughter. “C’mon cuddle bunny,” he said softly, “they’ve had enough of a show.” Your legs felt unsteady as you stood and smoothed your skirt down. Ben opened the back door for you and followed you inside. “So sorry about that,” he said again to the driver. He just laughed, “It’s alright. I remember being your age and completely smitten. You’re that couple I’ve seen online, right?” “Uh, yes, that’d be us, I think” “Well if you wanna keep making out I won’t stop you. Might have to tweet about it though.” Ben laughed, “Thanks but I think we can hold off for a bit.” You looked over at Ben and had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing too loud when you saw the lipstick smudged over Ben’s face. “What is it?” Still laughing you handed ben your compact mirror and the pack of tissues from your clutch. “Christ,” he said softly, “The internet’s going to fucking love this.”

The Uber driver left you at the end of Ben’s driveway with a wink and a have fun. There were paparazzi waiting for you so you grabbed Ben’s hand and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He led you inside, refusing to let go of your hand even while trying to dig his keys from the opposite pocket. Once you were inside, you placed your slightly bruised bouquet on the hall stand, leaned against the closed door and began taking your shoes off. Normally, after being out together and winding up at Ben’s place, you’d head straight to the bathroom to take off your makeup. He’d go and fetch two glasses of water if you’d been drinking or maybe something warm if the night was cool. You’d change into the pyjamas you kept at his place and then join him in the lounge room, sometimes tucking yourselves under the same blanket, to watch TV until you were yawning and struggling to stay awake. And then you’d wish each other good night and head to your separate rooms. But this time something felt different. You kicked your shoes to the side of the hallway and stayed against the door, watching as Ben pulled his wallet from his pocket, dropping it and his keys next to your flowers. He slowly turned towards you, taking a step closer. And you knew you should move, should dodge around him, make a joke about not needing to take off your makeup since he’d already done it for you but you found yourself stepping towards him too. There was a beat as you both realised how close you were. You heard Ben swallow, watched his eyes move to your lips unashamedly. Later, when you were lying in the dark wondering what the fuck had happened, you’d tell yourself it was the wine. A brief impairment of judgement exacerbated by months of celibacy and an easily suggestable brain. Whether you believed it was another question.

You closed the gap but he was only a second behind, hand back on your waist as his other found your jaw. You wrapped your arms around his neck, let him slowly walk you through the house towards the living room you where you’d spent so many nights joking around. He didn’t stop kissing you while you stumbled through the house, not unless he had to and even then he never went far, his breath hot against your lips. You pushed him down onto the couch and straddled his lap, continuing what had been interrupted, his hands falling back to your arse, pushing up your skirt, squeezing, as you tugged on his hair, making him groan. A single rational thought was trapped in the back of your mind, trying to breakthrough but it was hard to think when Ben was holding you like that, kissing you like that, especially after so long without being touched at all. He broke away to mouth at your throat and it was only then that you had enough time to think clearly. “Wait,” you said softly and then again more insistently. “What is it?” “What are we doing? We can’t,” “Why not?” You shook your head, and pushed yourself off of him, taking a couple of steps back, “It’s rule one Ben,” “We wouldn’t even have to break rule one though, we can just stay here on the couch. No harm in making out if we’ve already done it.” A whine caught in your throat and you took an extra half step back to keep from rushing into his arms again, more rational thoughts pushing through the broken wall and joining the first. You shouldn’t, not if there was any chance Ben still had a crush on you. It wouldn’t be fair. “I’d be good to you Y/N, you know I would,” You shook your head, “You know this isn’t real, right Ben?” “Of course I know that,” “Really? Because sometimes I think you forget I’m not actually in love with you.” What’s that supposed to mean?” You bit your lip to try and stop yourself from saying what you were about to say but it was no use, the words were already half out, “I heard you talking to Joe the night you left your keys at the bar. I know you have a crush on me.” “You heard that?” His eyes were wide, horrified. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overhear I just needed a drink an-.” “Oh my god,” He sat up straighter and ran a hand through his hair again and you wished it was your fingers mussing it up, “Maybe you should go.” “Wait, Ben, let’s just talk about it.” “Is that why you were upset before the argument? Is that why you didn’t want to see me for the last two weeks?” “I thought some space might help you stop feeling that way.” He laughed at that, “I’m – I’ve been trying to stop feeling like this for months now, since we were filming together, but I can’t, I can’t shake you. I love you. And it won’t go away.” “You love me?” Ben nodded, looking up at you from the couch but you couldn’t meet his eye. “You don’t have to say you don’t feel the same, I know.” You didn’t know what to say, just stood there, frozen in place. “That’s what I thought,” He stood up, chewing on his lip and when he spoke he had to clear his voice to make it loud enough for you to hear, “I, um, I know I just said you should leave but you can’t go yet. There are still paparazzi out there and we’re meant to look like we’ve made up. I’m going to go to bed though and you can stay until they leave or, if you can still stand to look at me, then you’re welcome to stay the night and I’ll drop you home in the morning. I’m really sorry.” You watched him walk towards the hallway, still frozen in place.

[smokeybrand]

Smokey band Movie Reviews: Wowza

The Suicide Squad is the best film DC has made since The Dark Knight. That’s it. That’s the review. If you want to know why i can say that with unassailable confidence, you can continue reading but from this point on, i am literally just going to gush about this f*cking thing like a straight up school girl.  It’s that good and you should go watch it right now. This is about to be a love letter to the best film I've seen all year, mostly because i haven’t seen any A24 flicks, but this thing is a fantastic consolation for that glaring disappointment.

The Inspired

The writing in this movie is easily the best the DCEU has to offer. I say that knowing there are some people who believe BvS is f*cking Shakespeare and MoS is Hemingway. They’re not. They’re both dogsh*t. The Suicide Squad absolutely is everything the neckbeard fanboys want those films to be. I marvel at how well the events blend, how organically the character interact, how real they feel in a movie with a giant kaiju space starfish as the driving conflict for the plot. It’s f*cking inspired and lays solid ground work for very exceptional aspect of this movie going forward. Your film starts on the page and James Gunn understands that sh*t very well.

The emotion in this movie is palpable. I literally teared up toward the end. That’s rare for me because I'm kind of an emotionless monster but that line, “I’m a superhero!” f*cking gut checked me. Gunn has done that to me three times. “WE are Groot.” "He may have been your father, boy. But he wasn't your daddy." It wasn’t Pete swinging in after the “On your left.” in Endgame but it was close. Dude is too good at that sh*t and it’s weird that Marvel is willing to let him go. They better lock that dude the f*ck up!

Chemistry is everything for an ensemble like this and this cast definitely has that. I bought their interactions without having to suspend my disbelief, not like in other, lesser SKWAD films. I particularly like the relationship between Ratcatcher II and Bloodsport. That sh*t was sweet and brought a legitimate smile to my face.

I mentioned how well this film was written but, aside from the brilliant plot that made all of these misfit killers relevant, the character work really goes a long way to selling this narrative. Like, you absolutely fall in love with Polka Dot Man by the end of this thing. They made Peacemaker an irredeemable bastard. Like, do you know how well you have to develop a character played by John f*cking Cena, for people to hate him? He’s the White people version of The Rock! That’s near impossible but they definitely pull it off. It’s like Gunn watched the first SKWAD, saw what they did with El Diablo and just decided to do that. And when i say “do that’, i mean actually write these f*cking characters as people instead of stereotypes and tropes.

The Great

This is an ensemble film, which means it lives and dies by it’s cast. Well, this motherf*cker is living mas! Not a single character was miscast in this. Not a one. From the supporting characters like Alice Braga’s Sol Soria and Peter Capaldi’s Thinker, to the expendable distraction SKWAD. Loved seeing Jai Courtney’s Captain Boomerang again and i even like Pete Davidson’s Blackguard. I can’t stand Pete Davidson. This cast is MCU levels of excellent but, of course, there are standouts.

Joel Kinnaman as Rick Flag does the best work of his career. This dude almost always sucks in the roles he takes on but I'm starting to think that’s because of the direction he’s given because dude kills it as Flag in this. I genuinely liked him this time around. He felt like a real person and not some caricature of whatever the generic US Marine is supposed to be.

Margot Robbie is the live action Harley Quinn. She embodies this character like Ledger did Joker and RDJ did Stark. It’s that good and this version of Harley is easily the best. She feels complete, like she’s finally the Harls in the comics and i love it. This Harleen is who the character should have been from the jump but a lot of that was on Margot. She had to grow into the character, develop her ability because the first time she donned that Puddin’ necklace was rough. She’s come a long way and so has Harley.

I touched on this before but John Cena’s Peacemaker is a f*cking bastard. This casting genius because of the message behind the movie. I’ll get into that later but casting the most All-America motherf*cker to play the villain in a film about US involvement in Sovereign Foreign nations? And for Cena to literally play up his Patriot shtick only to turn out to be an allegory for the sordid reality of America? Bro, this sh*t got over. Cena is outstanding as Peacemaker. This cat really does have the chops to be a movie star. Looking forward to this show they gave him, for sure.

Polka-Dot Man is arguably the best character in this entire film. I love what Gunn wrote for him and absolutely adore how David Dastmalchian gave the character life. He had the best arc in the entire film and i really enjoyed his journey. When he got his moment, i teared up a little bit. Dude deserved that. Dude earned that. For me to have such a visceral reaction to that scene is testament to how well  Dastmalchian did his job!

Listen, i love Idris Elba. I do. Cat has all of the swagger. He’s easily as charismatic as Obama and i dig that. However, he just plays Idris Elba. Like, his Bloodsport is literally just John Luther but, you know, murder prone. That’s not a bad thing, it definitely works, but, if I'm being honest, as a character, he’s the weakest of the lot but that’s how good everyone is in this. Idris f*cking Elba is the weakest character in this cast! What?? It’s not even like he’s bad or anything, he just plays the same dude over and over.

And now we get to my favorite character in this flick, Ratcatcher II. Listen, i have no idea who the f*ck Daniela Melchior is, but she is the absolute heart of this film, the moral compass of this team, and she never shirks away from that challenge. She has outstanding chemistry with Elba and the relationship between their two characters is the sweetest sh*t I've seen in a long time. It reminded me a lot of Logan and Laura. Melchior, if he chooses, can have a great career in Hollywood because she’s a real talent.

The Good

The plot to this thing makes sense. It’s not something as intricate as The Dark Knight but it’s head-and-shoulders better than anything the DCEU has produced and objectively sh*ts on the SKWAD that came before it. Destabilizing a small Latin American nation feels more like something Waller would have theses assholes do, rather than trying to kill a f*cking god with boomerangs and bullets. This movie is everything the first SWKAD attempt wants to be.

The violence and gore in this is ramped up to a eleven. There is a lot of grotesque sh*t in this thing and it starts the second Blackguard gets his face blown off. Like, his entire f*cking face. You see ALL of that sh*t and SO much more. Like, it gets grimy and i appreciated that. A SKWAD film needs that blood. This is a team of remorseless killers. We, as the audience, need to feel that and this flick delivers.

James Gunn can direct his ass off. When they announced he was going to be in charge of this film way back when, i knew it was going to be legit. When they announced t was a hard R, i needed it in my life. We’re talking Guardians with murder. Were talking the quintessential James Gunn vision and what a vision it is. Not only did he direct the f*ck out of this movie, but he wrote it, too! Mans has the only writing credit on this production. This is all him! It’s wild seeing the difference between directors on display. Gunn delivered a film that one could argue is the best of the year while Zack Snyder made f*cking Army of the Dead. The discrepancy between the quality of these two films is why i hate Snyder so much and have all of the love for Gunn.

The imagery in this thing is f*cking top tier. There are shot that are legitimate art It's a weird juxtaposition considering how bloody some of these scenes get but, f*ck, is it gorgeous!

I have to mention the editing. I usually don’t bother because it’s always adequate and, admittedly, it feels only slightly better in this film but it’s competent. It’s better than the first and you really feel that sh*t. Like, i watched the movie in preparation for this one and, oh my god, the difference in an actual team of professional film editors really cut a great film. Who’ have thought letting a f*cking trailer house construct your movie that it would end up feeling like a ton of trailers strung together and be bad?

This movie is overtly political. It has a lot to say about the influence of the US abroad. It doesn’t shy away from the realities of our international policy and really hammers home the reality of what the United States is, rather than the way we portray ourselves to be. This culminates in a struggle between Flag and Peacemaker; Both soldiers to the core but on opposite ends of the American ideal. It’s actually really brilliant and, if you aren’t paying attention, will go over your head. This is how you instill your politics into a film. This is how you execute ideals in a narrative. Gunn has a lot to say and he says it in the loudest way, but with the quietest voice.

The Okay

The only beef i can see people having with this is the exposition dumps. There are a few but they kind of stall the overall flow. I didn’t mind them too much because, by the time we get to them, the film has built up so much good will by being just fantastic.

The Verdict

I f*cking loved this movie, dude. Look how long this list of dope sh*t is. I literally itemized all of the reasons why this flick is so great. I can’t articulate it and more clear. I told you at the very beginning, literally the first thing i wrote, that The Suicide Squad is the best film in the DCEU and i mean that sh*t. Grace Randolph is a f*cking hack. Don’t listen to her incredibly bias opinion. Just f*cking go watch it and decide for yourself! It’s in theaters right now and on HBO max for free.

[floof-reppu]

Seven Minutes in Heaven

Yet another BNHArem server collab

Want to read another one? Click Here!

Fuyumi Todoroki x Fem!Reader

WARNING: SMUT AHEAD

Word Count: 3.9k

A/N: I’m just gonna say this now... I’m setting a new standard. There’s legit no such thing as Fuyumi Todoroki x Reader smut on Tumblr until today. Honestly, I was half surprised and half not surprised. There was BARELY anything on her in the first place. I wish she would get the love she deserves, especially after everything she went through. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this! 

-

And with shaky hands, you slowly started to open the box.

There was quite a bit of volume to it,  but inside was… something you didn’t expect to find in such a ludicrous manner. A lesson planner with the printed name of a local elementary school written on the front peeked out at you, and you lifted it out. You saw there was a keycard with a note attached to the bottom, which read the following:

‘This seems like a very personal yet informal way to extend my greetings, but I’m sure you’ll be surprised at who’s on the other end. The address should be written on the first page, and the keycard should let you inside of the front entrance. The rest of the planner is left blank (for interpretation, of course)! I can’t wait to meet you tonight.’

Well, if that didn’t spell anonymity, you didn’t know what did. Opening up said planner to the first page, the address of the elementary school was written, no name attached to the front. A room number and the instructions of knock once, then twice was towards the bottom of the page, and you couldn’t help but wonder… were you really going to be having a one-night stand in such a public place? Wouldn’t you get caught?

There was only one way to find out.

Oh god, you were really doing it. 

The keycard beeped against the electronic lock on the door, green light flashing to signal that it had worked. It was almost as if the door was ready to open on its own with how little effort it took to pull it open. Holding the note in your hand, you used it to navigate your way through the school building and reached the room with the number etched on a plaque to the side. Knock once, then twice. 

That’s exactly what you did, rapping your knuckles against the wood of the door once, waiting a few seconds, then did it twice more. You could hear the distinct sound of footsteps through the paper thin walls of the classroom, though you dare not speak. 

“You can come in.” The voice was feminine, sophisticated, soft… did you know anyone with such a voice? Sliding the door turned out to be a pain, but once you finally opened it, a pair of intelligent turquoise eyes met yours, blinking once, then twice. It was obvious she was just as nervous as you were, having paced around the room countless times. A pair of red-framed glasses sat atop the bridge of her nose, white hair with flecks of crimson framing her face. 

You knew she looked familiar, but you just couldn’t think of who she was; or rather, who she was related to.

“I’m relieved you didn’t decide to ditch,” The woman let out a sigh of relief before folding her hands in front of her body, “but that’s enough complaining out of me. I know this is supposed to be anonymous, but it doesn’t feel right to… get so intimate with someone without introducing myself. I’m Fuyumi Todoroki, and if you hadn’t guessed by the item, I teach at this elementary school in this classroom specifically.”

Todoroki. That’s it. She is the daughter of Endeavor, elder sister of Shoto- how didn’t you realize that sooner? 

“Yeah, I… figured that much. I’m Y/N.” You responded, hand going up to rub the back of your neck. A few awkward seconds passed before your voice rang yet again.  “I didn’t expect to be matched with such an intelligent, let alone beautiful woman such as yourself, Fuyumi.”

“I could say the same, Y/N.” She giggled, taking a seat on top of one of the desks. “Please take a seat. I insist.”

There wasn’t a reason that you could think of to not comply, so you walked over and sat down in a desk across from her own. The wall clock ticked by seconds as you thought of what to say, what to ask her, such as how exactly were the two of you going to be intimate in such a public place? It was practically sacreligious to commit such an act, inside an elementary school no less. But… you couldn’t shake off the feeling of being sexually attracted to Fuyumi Todoroki, and committing such a sin in her own classroom, no less. It almost felt like it was meant to be. 

“So how are we going to do this?" Looking around the room, you couldn't see a flat, solid space in sight that could be used as a makeshift bed. Fuyumi scrunched her nose momentarily, thinking hard. 

"I have an idea that hopefully you'll like, but it's something that just came to mind. We can move the desks into the middle and make a flat surface elevated from the ground while also removing the chairs from the picture. We can stack them against the wall." She got off of the desk, getting on the other side and pushing it towards the one you happened to be perched on. Getting up and helping made it much easier to get the job done, and soon you had a decently sized makeshift bed. 

It wasn't much, but you would have to make do with what you had at your disposal. The desks were metal, but hopefully they wouldn't be too cold for either of you, since you would both be completely naked on top of them. Fuyumi hummed contently as she looked at the creation the two of you made on a whim. 

"This is the best we can do as far as a flat surface. But anyways…" Her bag was sitting behind the podium, and she went back to grab a few items. You could have sworn you heard the sound of rope against fabric, but it could have also been your imagination; not that you wanted it any other way, of course! But what did it mean? When she came back in view, she held the rope, a blindfold, as well as a vibrator. "I brought a few things with me to hopefully enhance our experience, so I hope you don't mind."

"I… of course I don't mind." Your face flushed, both embarrassed and turned on at the thought of being tied up with a blindfold around your eyes in front of an almost-complete stranger. Fuyumi placed the items on a chair she kept nearby, and before you knew it, you had the small of your back pressed against the desks, a hand trailing up and down your inner thigh. 

"I'm glad you don't mind. I may not look like it, but I'm surprisingly assertive in bed, Y/N." She whispered in your ear, almost like a seductress. You were completely vulnerable to the woman in front of you, your legs wanting to buckle out of anxiety, but you came here for the sole reason to fuck, not to be a pussy and walk away from such an opportunity. 

Before you knew it, she moved her head back and captured your lips in a passionate kiss, one hand caressing your cheek while the other continued to trail circles along your thigh. Her lips were soft for the most part, but a few chunks of dry skin could be felt as a full on make out session began to ensue. Chest pressed against chest, you could feel Fuyumi’s hardened nipples press against your own. You wanted so badly to take off her clothes right then and there, but there was a commanding, demanding aura about her that you couldn't just get around.

Her tongue slipped inside of your mouth without consent, and you almost had to blink twice; she didn’t look like the type of woman who would be so assertive and forward with her romantic advances. If that wasn’t enough to convince you, the hand that was previously caressing your cheek had gone down to grope your breast. You let out a soft moan as she needed your clothed flesh, separating your lips from hers only to breathe. 

“Were you that surprised, Y/N? Or did you just need to catch your breath after that breathtaking experience?” You couldn’t get out a word just yet, so you resorted to nodding vigorously as Fuyumi removed her hands from your body, walking backwards and thinking for a moment. “I want you to get up on the desks and start stripping. One article at a time.” 

There was no way you could just disobey Fuyumi, especially since if you did… you didn’t know what might happen. Hopping up onto the desks behind you, your partner for the night eyed your body up and down, making mental notes of where you might be the most sensitive. Her finger pointed to your shirt, more specifically your chest. 

“Strip. Top to bottom.  Now, please.” 

Hands on the hem of your shirt, you pulled up, revealing your stomach first, then your covered breasts. You discarded it to the side, but you couldn’t help but feel so vulnerable in front of Fuyumi. This wasn’t the first time you would be getting intimate with another person, but there was just something about her that made you feel exposed, embarrassed to even show her your form. Feeling the tension in the room, her expression softened for just a moment. 

“You don’t have to be nervous. Just think of it as a brand new experience. My students always seem to be anxious over one thing or another, but I don’t think that anxiety belongs in the bedroom… or rather, the makeshift bedroom in my classroom. In fact, I think you’re very beautiful, Y/N.” She smiled, eyes closed contently, her hands going back to folding in front of her. “Now then, can we please continue?” “I, um… yeah.” You managed to mumble out a few words as you reached behind your body, unhooking your bra and exposing your breasts to the open air of the room. There wasn’t a completely definite blush on Fuyumi’s face, but you knew that she was attracted to your breasts, eyes never leaving your chest. “Do you still think that-”

“Y/N.” Fuyumi scowled, taking off her glasses and setting them on the podium behind her before walking up to you. “What did we just discuss about letting anxiety control your behavior and emotions? Actually… I don’t think I should let you talk at all.” 

Eyes wide, you looked at Fuyumi. What exactly did she mean? You had not the slightest clue until she went over to the chair with the toys, pulling apart the blindfolds and going back over to you. 

She was going to gag you?!

“Trust me, it’s going to enhance your experience tenfold.” Without a second thought or time to process what was going on, you were pushed up onto the desks with minimum effort on her part, a smile from ear-to-ear plastered on Fuyumi’s face as she climbed over top of you. Gently, she maneuvered the cloth into your mouth and tied it behind your head tight enough for it to stay in place, but loose enough so that you wouldn’t be uncomfortable. Her hands moved down to unbutton your pants, zipping downwards and pulling them off. She discarded them in the same place that you threw your shirt, leaving you in just your panties, already soaked from just how mysteriously turned on you were. “I’m so glad we get to have this experience together, aren’t you?”

You nodded, afraid that if you didn’t that there might be repercussions to your actions. 

Sliding off the desks, she made sure to keep an eye on you as she started to strip herself, letting all of her clothes fall to the ground in a fell swoop. It would take much too long for her to tease you, so instead she decided that was the best course of action. She went over to grab the rope and the blindfold first, pulling you back to her gently and taking your wrists in her hands. The rope was used to bind them together above your head, making sure that you wouldn’t be able to grab anything. The blindfold was put on soon afterwards, covering your eyes so that you couldn’t see.

This was sensory deprivation at its finest. The only thing you could possibly do now is hear out of your ears and smell... something. 

You could hear the desks slide against the floor.

You could feel the bare body of Fuyumi, her breasts pushing against your own. They were soft, warm… but yet you couldn't touch them, causing you to let out a muffled, disappointed grunt. A slap to your ass made you jump in surprise, but you weren’t able to do anything about it. Instead of paying more attention to your obvious frustration, her thumb started rubbing against your clit. The veil of darkness clouding your vision mixed together with the stimulation helped to fuel your desire for more, but it was hard to keep your mouth shut. 

“You’re getting a bit squirmy, Y/N. If you don’t calm down a little, I might just have to bind your legs, too. I don’t want to have to do that.” One of her fingers slipped inside of your entrance, causing your hips to move into her touch. “Be good and I might take off the blindfold so you can watch.”

The prospect of getting to see Fuyumi’s naked body excited you to no end, so you nodded. A second finger dipped into your folds, a moan muffled by the cloth sounding at the back of your throat. Slowly, she started to move them in and out of you, your juices from earlier helping to lubricate your walls and make it easier for her to pleasure you. If anything, you thought that you were going to be the one pleasuring her, but in this instance, you were completely and utterly at her mercy. She had you right where she wanted you. 

Completely.

Already you could feel your core tightening up, wanting so badly to release, to see the look on her face as she watched you crumble. Her pace continued to grow faster as she noticed your walls closing in on fingers. 

“You’re unraveling right before my eyes. You look so lovely like this, Y/N.” Her voice echoed throughout your mind, and right before you were ready to let yourself go… 

...she took her fingers out of you, sticking them in her mouth without you even knowing and leaving you wanting more. An overwhelming urge to try and break the rope binding you filled you, but you knew that wouldn’t help or solve anything. Instead, trying to wait and see what Fuyumi would do was the best option. The vibrator that was previously sitting on the edge of the desks clanged against the metal, and the quiet hum sounded throughout the room. 

“I apologize for that, but I wanted to make sure you were ready enough to take in the vibrator…” She pressed it against your clit, and it took all of your willpower to not cum right on the spot. “I know how much you want to release, but I’m asking you not to. If you cum prematurely, I won’t hesitate to leave.” She forewarned, her free hand trailing up to grab your breast. 

“If you understand, nod.” 

You did as she said, nodding your head while still trying to keep a level head since the vibrator was still against your womanhood. 

“I’m feeling a bit generous, so I’ll take the blindfold off for this part.” Her fingers brushed up into your hair, untying the top piece of cloth and removing it. You… took in the sight of her, or rather as much as you could. She was the perfect image of an average woman, having no defining muscles, yet looking perfectly fit in your eyes. This was the daughter of the top pro hero, being nothing more than a teacher, yet having the body of a goddess. 

You could get used to this.

“You’re staring a little… are you feeling alright? Or perhaps the sight of my naked form caught you off guard?” For once she looked at you inquisitively, brows raised and arm moving back to pull the vibrator away from you. That same expression turned into a grin as soon as she got the memo, your eyes averting from her gaze. “Oh, I see. I’m flattered you like my appearance, Y/N. I might just have to consider this being more than just a one night stand.” 

There was no way she was being serious. After all, you were more than sure there were other men and women interested in a beauty like herself. The comment was brushed off as nothing as she surprised even herself, inserting the tip of the now turned off vibrator inside of you. Dear god, the feeling in and of itself was amazing, even without the vibration. It was an amazing distraction from prior thoughts, as you were now focused on trying to achieve your own bliss. 

The rest of the contraption was inserted soon after, and you found yourself trying to ride it on your own. It was no use, Fuyumi turning on the vibration setting yet again and causing you to shiver. She was teasing you, in turn causing her pleasure as well. What you didn’t expect was for her left hand to tug the gag out of your mouth. 

“Fuyumi, what are you-”

“I think it’s time for you to put your mouth to good use. You have to warm it up somehow, right? I want you to eat me out and suck up every last drop of my juices.” She switched her hand on the vibrator so she could get a leg over your body, sliding back so that her folds were pressed against your lips. “Again, cum before I do and I’ll get up and leave… I can just finish myself off somewhere else.” 

Even without tasting her directly, Fuyumi’s scent was sweet, juices coating your lips almost like lipgloss. Your tongue swirled around her folds, getting a sample of what you were going to be expecting. Sweet, but not too sweet. That was definitely something you could get onto. Lowering all the way onto your face, you started to dive in as below, she was working her magic on you with the vibrator. It definitely made it hard to concentrate, as all you wanted to do was cum and let the tension out of your body. 

Finally, a moan elicted from her, almost as delectable as the juices that practically brought your mouth to life. She didn’t sound husky, but her moan wasn’t of a high pitch, being a perfect medium. This drove you to push your head upwards, tongue darting in and out of her slick entrance and occasionally your mouth would suck and bite on her clit. Your own moans acted like a vibrator themselves, giving Fuyumi more pleasure than she had anticipated from just a mouth alone. 

“T-That’s it, Y/N, keep going. Don’t stop now.” She managed to get out, sliding her hips back and forth to get a new feeling of pleasure. “Keep it up, and I might just cum sooner than I expected.”

This was the final stretch. You had to hurry, or else you would end up releasing prematurely. The only sounds that could be heard in the room now were the sounds of the vibrator pounding into your flesh, the sounds of the desks wobbling, and the moans that spewed out of both you and Fuyumi. There was one particular spot that you ran over with your tongue even if it wasn’t very deep, causing her immense pleasure and her walls to clench. The vibration setting was on max by this point, your walls spasming and copying the same notion. 

“Y/N… cum for me!” 

There was no time to think about whether or not to stop yourself. Your back arched up off the metal of the desks, complete and utter bliss taking over your body as Fuyumi released at the same time. If anyone else was in the school by sheer coincidence, you hoped to god that they couldn’t hear the two of you. Waves of sheer pleasure overwhelmed you, and after it was all said and done, the attractive woman sitting on your face waited for you to, like she said, taste every last drop of her before hopping off of you and removing the vibrator. Your juices flowed out like a stream, and she took a finger to scoop some out and have a taste.

“You’re a mixture of sweet and salty. Not bad.” She went back over to the podium to grab her glasses and put them on, being able to see clearly again. “If I had gone longer without my glasses, I’m sure I would’ve had a massive headache.” 

You sat up, but there was still the problem of your wrists being tied together. 

“Uh… you don’t think you could untie me, could you?” Fuyumi’s eyes lit up when she remembered, grabbing the loose ends and releasing you. “Thank you… I almost thought I was going to stay in that forever.”

“Not forever, just until someone else noticed. I’m really sorry about almost forgetting, though! I’m glad you thought to mention that.” She went over to a small desk in the corner, grabbing a box of tissues and cleaning the excess mess that was on not only your womanhood, but the desks as well. “This is just a temporary fix. I can clean the tops of the desks after I rearrange them.”

“You think you’re going to do that alone? I was the one who made most of the mess, at least let me help you.” You got off the desks and put your clothes back on as quickly as you could, Fuyumi following suit. When the two of you were finished getting dressed, she giggled softly, causing you to tilt your head to the side in confusion.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. It’s just… I’m surprised you wouldn’t want to go ahead and leave.” She walked over to the window, looking outside at the night sky.  “This was just supposed to be a one night stand, after all… but what I said earlier was the honest truth. I’d like to get to know you better as a person, not just someone to have sex with, Y/N. I’m sure you have just as beautiful of a personality as a body.”

“Hey, that’s my line!” You retorted in a half-joking manner, smiling. “But… I do agree with you. You’re such an interesting and fun person, and I could tell that from our sexual experience, Fuyumi Todoroki.”

“Am I, really? Did the ‘taking charge’ fiasco get to your head?” Looking back at you, she smiled, the moonlight highlighting her face and making for quite the dreamlike scenario. “I never gave you a proper kiss, did I? I was just letting my instincts take-”

You didn’t think. You just did it. You closed the small gap between the two of you and pulled Fuyumi into a tender, chaste kiss. Arms wrapped around her to pull her closer, she wrapped her own around your neck. It was almost like a fantasy, something that only happened in fairytales.

To you, this was truly the start of something special.

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Christmas Time at the Nie Palace

Okay… Okay Christmas. 

So I’d like to start by pointing out that like… I don’t celebrate Christmas like in any real way? It’s just a fun excuse to get together with my friends. And we all seem to be on the same page with that. 

So SangSang threw a party. Let me just say, the Nie’s know how to blow it up, okay? Like apparently DaGe did a lot of the planning too? Which surprised me. But they got IN to it.

I… Okay so in my mind DaGe probably just hoisted that giant tree in by himself. Like just WOOMPH like the man is a tank. 

Realistically I know that Lan Xichen helped him and they probably used a trolley or something. But like…. Picturing Nie MingJue just HOISTING  a gigantic christmas tree into the main hall is just… I can’t picture it any other way. It’s just how it happened. Fanon is better than Canon in this instance don’t @ me.

But I know that both he and Nie Huaisang did most of the decorating together. Technically they are rich (not even technically but they don’t ACT like rich bois so I forget) and could have just hired people to do it for them, but I guess this is something that they both love to do together. A shared tradition. And their house (mansion????) is not small. So like it took some TIME. And like… probably lots of ladders? Because even DaGe isn’t that tall. 

I had about .5 seconds to appreciate this, however, before I heard happy screams of children. Which is good because there WERE children. If there are no children and you hear children screaming, leave.  But as there were children, we were good. 

Said children screamed my name and suddenly two tiny bodies were yeeting themselves at me. 

Not to worry, Jin Ling does this A LOT (though he must have taught A-Yuan because that was a first.

A-Yuan jumped very nicely into my arms though. Just a nice little hop and swoop right on my hip. 

Jin Ling, however, is a little monster who NEVER jumps nice. He jumps to the side and expects me to catch him! Now to be fair, I always DO, but I won’t deny that the first time it happened it gave me a fucking heart attack. 

I do believe that Lan Zhan felt my pain this day because when Jin Ling sailed into my arms and immediately leaned outwards so that he’d swing by whatever limb I’d managed to nab, Lan Zhan ruined everything by stabilizing him. (How is his hand like the size of Jin Ling’s entire torso? ((Like with the fingers spread but still???)))) Anyway.

Don’t think I’ve ever seen that quality of death glare out of a 3 year old before. Impressive. 

Lan Zhan backed away immediately and Jin Ling promptly returned his attention back to his best uncle in the whole wide world (me.).

So now I had two young boys in my arms babbling away about this and that at the same time so I couldn’t understand a word of it. 

Is there anything sweeter? 

Eventually I managed to make out that they wanted me to go into the other room where the real party was. A-Ling was talking about how his mama wanted to see me and so she’d sent him for guard duty. (Found out later from Shijie that she had mentioned my name one time in passing saying that she was looking forward to me arriving with Lan Zhan and Jin Ling IMMEDIATELY went off to wait for me. When A-Yuan arrived instead of me he was apparently a bit disappointed until he realized that now he had a friend to wait with him. And so that’s apparently when they plotted the joint throw. A-Yuan said I was supposed to fall over but I was apparently just too strong.)

Anyway. I hoisted them up higher on my hips and we tramped off to the main room…. Is it a living room? Dining room? Ballroom? Fuck if I know they have too many rooms. It was a big room with enough space for entertaining a lot of people. Anyway. We went there. And were greeted by… A LOT of people! Like Apparently Nie Huaisang had decided to invite everyone I know? Or actually I think DaGe suggested some of them?

Okay so… Um… I think this is what Wen Ning said.. DaGe and Wen Qing hit it off at my birthday in a like… platonic way because that sounds like a crackship. Since they are both hella gay. But like they got to talking at my birthday and like she gave him some medical opinions on a part of a case he was working on or something???? And now they’re like… legit in contact with each other? She helps with forensics or something?

I don’t get it. 

But Nie Huaisang was saying they should bring in some of the people they met at my birthday because he liked them and DaGe said he’d already added Wen Qing to the list? 

Nd Nie Huaisang said that they couldn’t just invite ONE Wen 

And so

They invited

All of them???

Including Granny and Uncle Four????? Who they had NOT met before this? I guess???

Which was why A-Yuan was there and because A-Yuan was there A-Ling was there because playdate? Or something? And so Shijie and the peacock were both there because of course he was coming if his wife and son were there (although A-Lian was with her grandparents because she doesn’t do so well at parties most of the time ((My birthday was a fluke???? Or maybe she just likes me. Hard to tell with that babe. Stares like a cat seeing a ghost in the corner of the room. Seems to like Lan Zhan though. Maybe because he stares the same way????????? Am I a ghost?????? In the corner of the roooommmmmm????? Spoopy. ))

Anyway THey were there but then SO WAS JIANG CHENG because apparently, appAReNTlY Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang don’t know that Nie Huaisang is also my friend? Because they’re all rich and rich people all know other rich people and when you’re friends with other rich people it’s okay because you’re ‘making a connection network’ and so Jiang Cheng through a loophole of rich=dumb  apparently? (Like not that the rich people are dumb but the like the whole rich ettiquette is just bonkers) he was allowed to network at this Christmas gathering. Because I think they assumed that rich people only invite other rich people to their parties? When really it ended up being a pretty even 50/50 split. 

So okay the wens were there and Shijie and her +1 and A-Ling, and Jiang Cheng (who I hugged immediately but just listing this out first bare with me.) was there. And Lan Zhan and I were there and Lan Xichen was there of course. Though… isn’t he dating that other Jin guy? I wonder why he WASN’T there? I think there’s some beef between him and DaGe or something and I guess if DaGe didn’t like me I’d avoid him too…. You know to stay alive… But hmm… Lan Xichen didn't seem too upset. So I guess it’s fine? Seemed to have fun with DaGe anyway. 

(Is it wrong to ship? I mean…. They’d be so good together????? Like that’s their business but I feel like a meddling old spinster aunt trying to get people together. Idk. Whatever. Moving on). Oh oh oh And Gamby and her wife were there!! And MianMian and Qin Su! Like it was literally everyone who had been at my birthday + more! (because Uncle Four and Granny Wen. But still. They count! And I was so excited to see them hahah.) So like apparently gatherings are good for networking. Lol. 

So yeah Everyone was there. But the first person I saw was Jiang Cheng. Who I’d thought, honestly and truly, that I’d never get to see again. 

I don’t know which of us started the hug. Maybe it was the same time. But for once he didn’t bitch about it and I wasn’t a little shit about it either. 

Just…. Jiang Cheng really gives great hugs. He told me that he missed me. And said that he was working things out on his end and to be patient please. Promised me and made me promise back that we were still brothers. Forever. 

And that was about all of the feely feels we could handle in public because EVERYONE WAS STARING AT US….

Except Lan Zhan who had disappeared? I didn’t notice until then. But poof. 

…………………

Just asked him where he was for the first bit of the party and he said apparently he’d brought the Emperor’s Smile to the kitchen and ended up getting stuck for a bit helping the cook finish off some stuff because he’s an angel and the nicest person in the world. 

Which… explains why I saw him later holding a tray of hors-d’oeuvres (had to ask Lan Zhan how to spell that…. Maybe shouldn’t have because that’s dangerously close to telling him I had a blog? I think he probably just thinks I’m texting someone about it….. Weeks after it happened…… O.O;;;; uh…. Well he didn’t ask about it so I guess I’m good. Whatever moving ON.).

 So we coughed and let go of each other, but I couldn’t resist grinning at him. Just seeing him there. Knowing that he came here and specifically made it so that I could be here too. That he’s going to such lengths and and.. Actually FIGHTING to keep me in his life. Just…

Okay Stop or you’ll cry, Wei Ying. 

What happened next… ah… we went to the party room saw Jiang Cheng and then we got pulled in to stand with the mingling crowd. 

More hugs all around. Even from Wen Qing after she gave me a quick check up to see how I was healing up. Ever the professional.

I guess… I really scared everyone. Not just from the fire but before that too. They knew that I wasn’t doing well and then more and more shit kept happening. And I think I really scared them.

To be honest, I really scared me too. 

But Lan Zhan saved me. So I guess in the end none of us had anything to fear. <3

We were all chilling and talking and I was just starting to worry that Lan Zhan somehow got lost or kidnapped or eaten by a Nie Monster or something when he appeared holding trays of food. I watched him going to the other room and followed him because I was having Lan Zhan withdrawal. 

And found him setting the food down on a MASSIVE table in the HUMUNGAZOID DINING HALL.

Okay so I’ve been to Nie Huaisang’s place before but generally we just like chilled in the normal living areas. But he has these ‘entertaining’ areas for when they have formal gatherings or parties or whatever. And I’d kinda passed by them before but they were just big empty rooms, right? Like oh okay whatever. It’s like passing by a meeting hall in a hotel. Like oh okay just a big empty room for meetings and shit.

Except when they decorate it it transforms into like this huge palace room! Like fuck! Gold and glitter and lights and sparkle and just everything! And really like tastefully done too. It was a lot, but it was the right kind of a lot. And it was all very coordinated. 

I guess Lan Xichen helped a lot with the balance in the end? How often does Lan Xichen come over here that he’s helping set up decor? 

Who knows. 

Not my business.

Still though isn’t he dating Jin Guangyao or whatever? I wonder how he feels about it?

Whatever. Not my business. 

SO I trotted over to Lan Zhan like a little lost duckling and asked if he needed help with anything. He gave me one of those smiles that he saves just for me (my HEART) and lead me over to the other side of the room and told me to sit at the table.  

I was still all flustered from that smile because MY HEART so I didn’t even think to protest until he was already leaving again! Noo! My Lan Zhan Withdrawal wasn’t done yet! But he was only calling for the others to come join us so we could start dinner. Everyone filed in and Lan Zhan sat next to me before anyone else could. 

I tried not to think too much into it at the time but now…. I wonder…

Anyway.

Dinner was amazing. Like think of your favorite holiday food. Okay you got it? It was there. I guarantee it. Like dear god. 

And DELICIOUS

And and Lan Zhan had brought me some Emperor’s Smile that was nice and chilled and delicious. 

Somehow… 

Okay I know, alright. I KNOW! But like 

The taste of that wine… makes me think of him. Of that kiss. 

He doesn’t taste like wine but something… So clean and clear and refreshing. Mellow but still strong. Just…. 

Stop thinking about his LIPS

Okay moving on.

(How many times do I say moving on? I should make a tally.) 

MOVING ON.

Dinner=amazing.

And right when we were ready to burst from eating and eating and eating…..

Dessert

SO 

ACTIVATE SECOND STOMACH! DEPLOY!

Guys… Guys I ate so much food. I’m pretty sure they had to roll me out of the chair.

Oh… wait… no that actually happened. But mostly for the kids I swear. 

I was whining to Lan Zhan that he was gonna have to roll me to the next room (to which he, of course, responded that he would simply carry me instead. Ugh this man) and Jin Ling called me silly and said I should walk. And A-Yuan, who is apparently much too used to my antics, laughed and agreed in a kinda… idk… DO IT kinda way? So I slid to the floor (I know gross but whatever. The things we do for our children) and rolled away from the table. 

Worked though. Both kids started to shriek with laughter, even though A-Ling was trying his best to sound like Jiang Cheng to tell me to get off the floor because it’s dirty. I rolled about 8 feet before Lan Zhan just deadlifted me into his arms and hauled me into the next room. 

Which made me explode and the children laugh even harder.

This. MAN. How am I expected to survive living with this man when HE KEEPS PULLING THIS SHIT!?!?!?!?!?!

I covered my face to hide how red it was and to avoid looking at everyone’s faces. Because I know they all know. Like they are very obvious about how obvious I must be. Like I’m hopeless. Completely and hopelessly in love with Lan Zhan and they all fucking KNOW it and they ALWAYS GIVE ME THESE LOOKS WHEN I’M WITHIN 10 FEET OF THE MAN AND LIKE I GET IT OKAY I KNOW I’M AN IDIOT BUT APPARENTLY /HE/ DOES NOT KNOW THAT I FEEL THIS WAY AND I DO NOT WANT HIM TO FIND OUT BECAUSE YOU GUYS KEEP GIVING ME THESE FUCKING LOOKS EVERY TIME HE BREATHES IN MY DIRECTION LIKE OKAY I GET IT I KNOW OMG

…………

YES NIE HUAISANG I AM TALKING TO YOU

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Anywaymovingon*lolseewhatididthere?* 

He plopped me very gently on the couch and sat next to me. Immediately the part of my lap that was not taken up by my over-stuffed stomach, was filled by my nephew. Lan Zhan got to deal with a very excited, but very polite A-Yuan asking very kindly if he could sit on his lap. (To which of course Lan Zhan just picked him up and placed him there. A-Yuan looked so delighted.)

I finally chanced a look at the rest of the group who quickly pretended they hadn’t been giggling at us and staring the entire time.

They shuffled around, talking about if we wanted to do games or presents first. 

Presents???? PRESEN-- NO ONE HAD TOLD ME THERE WERE FUCKING PRESENTS. I HADN’T GOTTEN ANYONE ANYTHING!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK

So I start whispering frantically to Lan Zhan asking him if he knew about it and trying very valiantly not to swear since WE HAD LAPS FULL OF CHILDRENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS FOR THEM TO TELL THE REST OF THE FAMILY THAT UNCLE XIAN TAUGHT THEM THE WORD FUCK. ugh.

Lan Zhan apparently knew about it the entire time. 

I couldn’t get into it too much because kids. But uuuuuuuuuugh. 

WELL everyone decided that we’d do presents later so that it was easier to keep track of everything

Of course that means more time for me to freak out. Because what else am I good at but freaking out?

Instead they brought out the games. I finally got a look around at the actual room when the children leaped off of my lap to go play some of the games that were being set up. A-Ling decided it was time to latch himself to his father since his mother was kicking Wen Qing’s ass at pool (well she would have been kicking her ass if she wasn’t 6 months pregnant. As such they were pretty evenly matched.) 

There was a section with toys and board games where DaGe and Lan Xichen started to set things up to see if they could entice the kids to play with them. A-Yuan was won over first which was enough to convince A-Ling to beg his dad to play with them over there.

Not that he had to beg much. Jin ZiXuan would do anything for that boy. Spoils him rotten. But in a loving way. 

So I saw the 5 of them sit down for…. Shoots and ladders? I think? DaGe looked at those kids with pure adoration. Same way he looks at Busu back at the bunny cafe. Guess he has a soft spot for small cute things. 

Can’t blame him. 

Wen Ning and Nie Huaisang were off in a corner by one of the large TV’s playing some game or another. I’m… what was it… Gang Beasts or something? I don’t know. You pick the other guy up and try to yeet him off the stage. I don’t know. Apparently it’s a bit older of a game now but Wen Ning really loves it. (Surprisingly enough for such a meek guy, he is RUTHLESS when it comes to chucking Gumby-lookin fuckers off a plane. Who knew?) Jiang Cheng took a turn but sucked at it so he stomped off to play with the kids instead.

Gamby and Aunty Yi were off that way too watching a movie on another screen with MianMian and Qin Su watching something else on yet another TV. (seriously how many screens???) And Uncle Four was kinda staring between that, the game, and the yule log TV, nursing a bottle of his famous fruit wine. Brews it himself and it will FUCK you up.  

I… okay so… I’m slow. But like I noticed finally that the Yule log-- You know that station that just plays christmas music and is just a fire? Like they… Okay it was mute. So it was just the fire. And they put it in front of the actual fire place. That would normally have been lit. 

They.. it was for me. I could tell. Because Nie Huaisang glanced at me then and the look… You don’t get to see him looking soft too often. But.. Thank you Nie Huaisang. For that. For protecting me. 

They put in a fake fire so that I could feel comfortable. 

I turned to Lan Zhan then to ask him what he wanted to do only to find him… he was just watching me. He was so close… 

I freaked a little and asked him if he wanted to play a game. Any game. Just any game at all. Please just pick a damn game omg a;dlkfja;sdkj he was so close. 

We ended up… somehow playing darts? Sort of. 

He’d never played darts so I ended up having to talk him through it. Then promptly kicked his ass because my aim is perfect and he was lucky to hit the damn board. 

I helped him get better though because he’s really a very good student. And uh… well.. Um… He … 

OKAY THE CLICHE IS REAL AND I HELD HIS HAND AND STOOD BEHIND HIM TO CORRECT HIS FORM OKAY AND IT IS CHEESY AND STUPID AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT OKAY. 

I KNOW. A;LSKDFJ;DJ

But it did actually help. By the end of it he was doing pretty good I’d say!

Eventually he switched out with Lan Xichen so that he could ‘show us how it’s done’  and that turned into quite the competition. Lan Xichen gave me a run for my money that’s for sure. 

Somehow everyone sorta ended up watching. To be fair we were moving pretty fast.

Liek AIM THROW THWP POINTS! 

At one point DaGe started suggesting different trick shots which made it harder. Didn’t last long after that because we decided it was better to not put a bunch of little holes all over the wall because Lan arm strength is apparently genetic and INSANE soooo that ended that. 

After that, since we’d all gathered again anyway, apparently it was time for presents. Which I had actually forgotten about. 

I pulled Lan Zhan aside as everyone else started setting up to ask him about it and why I hadn’t heard about this??? I didn’t HAVE presents for anyone! Like fuck!

He told me that he’d put my name on the presents he’d given anyway. Like there was a ‘draw from a hat’ business secret santa kind of thing? And I was not included. 

I’m… I’m really a bit… I don’t know… 

They… Like I know I’d been through a lot lately and… well I guess I haven’t been in the best state for a couple of months by then… but they could have asked me.. I mean I’m not THAT poor all things considered. I don’t have an apartment and I had to buy a lot of new stuff, yeah but Lan Zhan isn’t charging me rent and actually bought a lot of it for me whether I wanted him to or not. So Like… I could have afforded a present. 

It’s that… that pity feeling that I talked about before. I felt like I was being pitied. And I hate it. 

Lan Zhan told me it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t pity to help take care of someone who is going through shit. It’s caring. 

And I guess… but still…

He touched my cheek then, cupped it with his hand. 

“I do not pity you. I worry. And I care. But that’s not pity,” he said. “We want to take care of you sometimes. Please let us?”

Of course what can I say to that? Nothing. Gah. For a man who doesn’t speak much he sure knows how to talk me into a corner. 

I was still trying to formulate a response when I started to notice there was a lot of… snickering going on. 

I looked around and everyone quickly looked away, pretending they weren’t laughing. But I could see them all hiding grins. I looked at Lan Zhan who looked about as confused as I was and the snickering started again. 

“Well what are you waiting for?”

SangSang…. I should murder you. I should just… Chop you up into tiny pieces and chuck you in a river. 

Either that or throw a damn party for you.

I looked over at him and he was pointing up. So we looked up and…. 

……………………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Fuck you Nie Huaisang!

THERE WAS MISTLETOE ABOVE US BECAUSE CLEARLY WE WERE IN NEED OF MORE CLICHES IN MY SAPPY LOVE (OR LACK THERE OF????? MAYBE?? MAYBE NOTA.LDKFSJAL;SDKFJ ) LIFE. 

I… Okay my memory is shit, so like… but I don’t remember there being anything there before. Like… I feel like I would have noticed??? I… well…

Well it is what it is.

Lan Zhan. And I. Were stuck under the mistletoe. Together. With EVERYONE watching us and snickering away. Like a damn faulty sprinkler system. CHE CHE CHE CHE CHE. 

All of them. They will all pay. Revenge will come on swift wings when they least expect it!

You know what? Fuck it. I’m  gonna set up DaGe and Lan Xichen purely out of spite. 

But back to the problem at hand. I couldn’t avoid looking back at Lan Zhan forever. He looked about as red as I felt. 

“Mistletoe….” I said intelligently. 

“Mn…” was his very articulate response.

“You… we don’t have to….” I said.  But he cut me off with a kiss. 

A real kiss. Not a cheek kiss. Or a forehead kiss. A real proper kiss. Right on the lips.

Short but oh so sweet. 

He kissed me.

HE. KISSED. ME. 

;akdfj;alskdjl;sadjf;kaja;eioj;OJAD;LKFJA;SLDKFJ;Kjfda;kj;lkj

Okay. So it was just a peck. The kind you would give to a close friend in this situation. (Okay don’t yell at me I know. Like let me explain.)

My point is. I didn’t want to… read more into it than there was to read. Okay? But it… 

Okay this is hard to explain. 

I’m not THAT stupid. I know that you don’t always just kiss your friends. Some people do but not everyone. And Lan Zhan is NOT the type to just kiss a friend. 

But there was the complication with the kiss after the fire and the tension before of the what are we??? Like I’ve known for a while- I think I mentioned it before-- I think we hit a level past… past just friends. And I wanted to believe it was romantic on both sides but I wasn’t sure. And I was scared. And I didn’t want to risk what I have just because I’m greedy. Like what we had.. It is enough even if I WANT more. 

And then he kissed me under that mistletoe..

I’d kinda squashed my hope of more after the kiss. After he agreed it meant nothing. It hurt so bad that the only way I could really process it was to just repress it. (which I’m TRYING not to do but I had a lot going on. And I had to process the rest of it first). So it just kinda turned into… I don’t know… I’d lost that hope. That thought that maybe he could grow to love me. I took that hope and I shoved it behind an iron door and threw the key away into a hedge maze guarded by evil goblins. (Not cute goblins like me. Evil ones. Pointy and mean.) 

But… then he kissed me under that mistletoe… and… I don’t know… did he fight off the goblins and find it in that hedge maze? Or did he just forge a new key altogether? 

But he unlocked that door. And opened it even if just a crack. And he let out a sliver of hope again. A tiny sliver of real hope that rests in my heart even now. Growing. 

We stared at each other until we were interrupted by everyone’s whooping and cheers. “Alright alright yeah yeah.” I chided and ushered them away. 

At least A-Yuan and A-Ling were busy making grossed out faces instead of cheering. Good boys. 

“What’s wrong? You don’t like kisses?” I asked them. And then I launched myself at them making the most obnoxious kissy face I could manage. Chased them around the room while everyone else settled in for presents. Caught them after a few moments and covered them in kisses. A-Yuan laughed and A-Ling pretended he was trying to get away, but I know he liked it. 

Hah.

I kissed them all the way back to the couch where I sat next to Lan Zhan (who I couldn’t look at anymore). I plopped A-Yuan in his lap and just held on to A-Ling who was scrubbing his face clean of my kisses. Quite dramatically I might add. Offensive. (he got like 5 more kisses because of it.

I told him that if he kept scrubbing off my kisses I’d just have to keep replacing them. “Just ask Uncle Cheng.”

“It’s true, buddy.”

“See? It’s true!”)

“Alright! Is everyone ready?” Shijie asked once A-Ling finally submitted to his punishment kisses.  The two kids sat up so fast they almost clocked both me and Lan Zhan clean on the chin. But fortunately we are both ninjas and managed to avoid braining the children. 

“Presents! Presents! Presents!” they chanted. (Well A-Ling chanted and then nudged A-Yuan until he joined in). 

It started off harmless enough. They started bringing stuff over to me and Lan Zhan which makes sense. Let the kids go first, right? And they’d clearly need more than everyone else. 

Except… They weren’t all for the kids. And they kept bringing them over. Until there was a pile of every single present gathered beside me and at my feet. 

The kids each got a couple but the rest of them. They were small but they were all clearly labeled. 

“Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Wei Ying.”

Every one of them. 

I looked over at Lan Zhan to decide if I needed to yell at him some more but he looked just as flabbergasted as I did. So clearly he wasn’t in on it. 

Everyone else…. Lan Zhan was right. It wasn’t pity in their eyes. The way they were looking at me. It was love. 

I let the kids open their gifts first so I had a moment to collect myself. They tore the paper like wild animals and squealed in delight at each new toy. 

A-Yuan’s favorite was the little toy butterfly that Lan Zhan got him (with my name on the gift to give me credit I didn’t deserve). He hugged us both, and then went off to play with A-Ling with the blasters they both got.  

I did relish the look of pain on Jin ZiXuan’s face as he realized he was going to listen to those blasting noises and beeps and whistles for the next 2 months until A-Ling finally got bored. Very satisfying. 

But the… Well I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I had to open my own gifts. 

“Start with this one, please,” Gamby said, holding out the largest of the pile. 

I… when I opened it…

Would you blame me if I cried?

The.. the photo album that I’d gotten for my birthday. It burned in the fire. And… I didn’t… I didn’t want to admit it but it crushed me. Of all the possessions I lost… that one… 

But they replaced it! They got me a new book. All the photos were there. Not the originals, but they’d made copies of every photo they’d taken because they still wanted their own copies of them too. (Apparently the originals had all gone into my book which is still a shame. But the image is more important than the paper.)

Every single gift was related to that book. Gamby and Aunty Yi gave me the new book. All the photos from the original were there. But then every single gift from the others were new pages with new photos. Ones that hadn’t been included before and then lots from my birthday. Pictures of everyone and of me and just… The last page was a large copy of the picture we’d all taken at the photo booth. It filled the whole page. 

And then letters. From everyone. Letters of love. Stories and memories. To me. Even Jin ZiXuan wrote a letter. Admittedly short but still there. (He mentioned in the letter that he wasn’t sure he needed to write me one of his own since technically he’s the one who did the writing for A-Ling’s letter but figured it would annoy me so fuck it.)

That dick. Do I have to like him now? Uuugh I don’t want to like him. :(

I had to give the book to Lan Zhan so that I wouldn’t cry on it. 

Shijie came and hugged me, letting me cry without judgement like she always does. And then I felt Lan Zhan’s arms join hers. And then I was drowning in arms. 

I’m…. I’m not used to being the focus like this. Not in this way. It’s different when I’m the one drawing attention to myself. But when it’s just… everyone. Everyone I love just freely giving me their love back just… 

I don’t really know how to handle it. 

But… at the same time… 

I’ve never felt so loved. So wanted. And Lan Zhan really is right. It’s not pity. It really really isn’t. And I don’t think I’ve ever… Ever really let myself experience it that way. 

Eventually I told them through my stuffed nose that that was enough and that I still needed to breathe please. They all laughed and let me go finally. I didn’t really want them too, but I do also like my friend oxygen. 

They all gave me one last squeeze or pat and went off to do their own thing again. Playing games and watching things. 

Letting me gather myself back together again. 

I looked over at Lan Zhan and told him I’d be back in a minute. I got up to just… I don’t know… take a walk. It was… it wasn’t too much but nearly. But not in an unwelcome way. It was pushing my boundaries, but they were boundaries that needed to be pushed. 

I know I deserve love. It’s hard to remember it a lot of the time though and sometimes you have to force feed it to me. And… And it’s good.  Great even. 

But a bit overwhelming. 

I walked through the house idly for a bit. Probably going where guests weren’t supposed to go but whatever. 

I must have been gone longer than I thought though because eventually Lan Zhan came to find me. To check on me and make sure I was okay. 

“Was it too much?” he asked. I shook my head and said yes at the same time which made him laugh a little. 

I shuffled over to him and put my forehead against his chest with a soft sigh. 

“It’s not too much,” I said as he obligingly slid his arms around me. “It’s just…. Too much… you know?”

He hummed in understanding and miraculously I think he did understand. Because let’s be real, that was nonsense. 

Then he pulled away and took my hand (very gently because they were still raw). 

“Follow me,” he said in that rich honey voice of his. (Yes Lan Zhan. I will follow you. I will follow you anywhere. Into the very gates of hell.) 

Can you blame me if I laced our hands together? He let me anyway. And didn’t pull away so nyah. 

I had no idea where he was taking me but.. Well I’ve said it before that I trust him implicitly. With everything. With my very soul. 

Turns out. Nie Huaisang. Has an in home movie theater. Like. A legit movie theater. With those comfy squishy seats and the giant projector and like….

HUAISANG HOW HAVE YOU NEVER TAKEN ME INTO THIS ROOM? APPARENTLY YOU’VE TAKEN LAN ZHAN BECAUSE HE KNEW WHERE EVERYTHING WAS AND SET UP THE PROJECTOR AND POPPED IN A MOVIE AND LIKE FUCK YOU HUAISANG I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. ;3;

Lan Zhan had me sit down while he set everything up, then pulled up the arm rest between us and sat down before just… pulling me to lean against him. 

I mean I wasn’t gonna complain. *v*

So we watched a movie together. Honestly… Honestly I couldn’t even tell you what movie it was. His arm was around me, tracing patterns into my shoulder. And he let me hold his hand again. I remember running my thumb up and down the back of his. And the smell of him. And the sound of his heart beat and the feeling of his breath slowly shifting me up and down. 

About half way through the movie he shifted though, making me sit up. I looked at him to pout, but stopped because he was very decidedly NOT looking at me. 

“I have… something for you…” he said softly. Before I could tell him he, of all people, didn't need to get me anything, especially after all he’s already given me, he pulled a small box out of his pocket. 

“I didn’t want to give it to you… in front of everyone.”  -after the mistletoe incident- was left unsaid. 

I took the box. Trying to let myself accept things. Let myself be loved. 

It was just a small blue box with a white cloud-patterned ribbon (that I still have shh. It was cute). I pulled the ribbon and opened the lid of the little blue box to find…

Okay it was small and simple but this.. Perfect earring. It’s just a red stone dangling on a black chain. Small. Simple. Perfect. 

I stared at it long enough that I probably made him nervous. Trying to get myself to just say thank you. To just accept it. 

Eventually I managed. “... help me put it in?”

My hands were still a bit stiff and fumbly (which sucked because I haven’t been able to paint much lately because of it). But even so it was an excuse for him to touch me more. To feel his hands brushing my neck and jaw. For him to be closer to me. 

He obliged me and put it in. I.. Maybe it was just because it was dark, but that sliver of rekindled hope in me really wants to believe that he took his time with it. That he wanted that excuse to touch me too. 

Hope is dangerous but…. I can’t help it. I’m hoping. 

“Merry Christmas, Wei Ying,” he said softly when he finally pulled away. 

I looked over at him and smiled. He smiled back. 

“Merry Christmas, Lan Zhan.”

Something… in that moment. I was going to kiss him. There just was no other option. The moment. The hope. The memory. The feel of his skin. It all culminated into one truth. 

I was going to kiss him. 

Except.

I WAS COCKBLOCKED BY ADORABLE TODDLERS WHO I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT BECAUSE THEY’RE ADORABLE. 

Apparently when we didn’t come back the kids decided that we got lost. And they snuck out to find us. They were so excited to rescue us that it took them a minute to realize we were in a giant movie room. After that they were about as excited as I was. (What does that say about me? Am I just a giant child?.... Hey wait a minute the only ones who got any gifts were me and the kids. I AM A GIANT CHILD. Fuck . T_T)

Once they got over their initial hyper excitement about the theater, we coaxed them into watching the movie with us. Lan Zhan clicked some magic remote or something and it changed to a more kid-friendly movie. (I don’t understand technology. I never will.)

I texted Shijie that the kids were safe with us in the movie room so she wouldn’t worry and let A-Ling settle onto my lap. 

Gotta say. I don’t bet to be his favorite very often. It’s really nice when he’s in an Uncle Xian mood. <3

A-Yuan took his place back on Lan Zhan’s lap. He was much more confident now, just glancing at Lan Zhan to make sure it was okay before he sat on him. 

And… Okay I can’t even be mad that they ruined my attempt to kiss Lan Zan because this image. This painfully beautiful domestic scene…. 

I’ve never wanted kids so badly in my life. Kids. With Lan Zhan. Just… I wanted this. So badly. 

I still do. So much I’m almost shaking with it right now. 

I want… I want to be a father. With Lan Zhan. I want that for the rest of my life. 

And… I knew I loved him. I knew I want to be with him. But this hit differently. This… this was an absolute forever. This was.. This was more than wanting to date Lan Zhan or live with him or… you know… stuff. This was… I want his life to be entangled with mine. To the point that the life is ours. Not his and mine. Ours. 

I want that so badly. 

Maybe that’s selfish. But it’s what I want. 

Time slipped by while I had this little life-changing revelation and before I knew it I was covered in drool.  Jin Ling had fallen asleep. And A-Yuan wasn’t far behind him on Lan Zhan’s lap. I caught Lan Zhan’s eye and we smiled.

I wonder… if he was thinking the same things I was. Is that something he’d want? With me? 

Maybe, that little flame of hope dares to admit. Maybe. 

It could be possible.

After a while Shijie and Wen Ning popped their heads into the room to collect the children. Jin Ling transferred over to his mother like a sack of potatoes but A-Yuan was just not having it. 

“Nooooo” he whined, still half asleep and clinging desperately to Lan Zhan. “I wanna stay with Bunny-Gege and Xian-gege. D:”

He made that face too. D: Like you could feel it in your soul that D:. 

And we were powerless. 

“Would you like to spend the night with us if Granny says it’s okay?” Lan Zhan asked.  Oh that sleepy little nod was enough to melt even Madam Yu’s heart I’d bet. 

Wen Ning laughed softly and told us he’d check with her to see if she minded. After a few minutes I got a text saying “he’s all yours.”

And that’s how we temporarily adopted Wen Yuan. 

DaGe offered to drive us home since we’d walked here and it was a bit too cold for a sleeping 7 year old. We thanked him and let him drive us in the tank he has the nerve to call a truck. How many miles to the gallon must that thing get? 2? Ah well. Put A-Yuan promptly back to sleep anyway so I guess whatever works. We thanked him and wished him a Merry Christmas/Happy New Year and all that jazz and went inside together. We didn’t have anything to really put A-Yuan in so I donated one of my new t-shirts for him to wear as… a nightgown I guess? Whatever it was more comfortable and he didn’t complain. 

And then I stole one of Lan Zhan’s shirts to wear so we’d match. Hah. 

We all ended up sharing a bed together after Lan Zhan fished out a spare toothbrush for him to brush his teeth with. 

A-Yuan in the middle and Lan Zhan’s long arms around the both of us. 

I don't think I’ve ever slept better.

[fwoopersongs]

何必诗债换酒钱 - Notes

Clean version here and thoughts under the cut.

I saw the song translation notes made by @shelterfromrain​ a while back and thought, wow! what a fantastic idea it is to share the results of the rabbit holing (that you inevitably end up engaging in when doing this) and leave a record for your future self while at it too! Currently some of the song and poetry translations on fwoopersongs do have little notes, but those were casually written on the fly and after so long, the thought process behind certain choices often get forgotten, which is such a waste... Long story short - I’m doing it this way from now on!

This song was requested by @peerlesssqq on twitter - which may or may not have bumped it up by like a year on my list (yes, I’ve been sitting on it since 2018 and you’ll see why) - and I had WAY more fun than expected, so 谢啦 ~ It was a delight to receive your DM request. I was happy for days!

Some background: 《何必诗债换酒钱》 is the theme song of 【文定乾坤】- a collection of musical works that feature notable contributors to Chinese literature in ancient times, poets and the like. Oh, and I did notice that the MV on bilibili looks like it could be a promo for a webtoon or game. Who knows? I’ll be checking out the rest of the songs, that’s for sure!

The following part of this post will be my thoughts for first the title, then each section - the intro, verse 1 & 2 and the chorus, ending off with some final comments.

Disclaimer first though (otherwise later you read already then feel like beating me up): Everything in this post is only my interpretation of the song. I have quite limited familiarity with mainland literature and culture, so of course don’t expect much xD Here you’ll only find a story-loving banana who jiak-ed kantang too much in her youth and now regrets it a whole lot. 说好了哈 I’m pants at analysis, worse at Chinese, and am not at all good with words ok?

Title

So《何必诗债换酒钱》, let’s start off with the word here that’s unfamiliar to most of us:

诗债 | shī zhài or a debt of poems/poetry debt is a legit thing! - All you authors and artists out there might be familiar with it - It’s what you call the resulting debt when a poet promises to write something for another person but hasn’t done it yet. Procrastination has apparently always been the curse of content creators.

In fact, in the Bai Juyi’s poem that came up on the 诗债 baidu page《晚春欲携酒寻沉四著作先以六韵寄之》- possibly addressed to a friend he owes - he was complaining of illness, old age and writer’s block. But then oh, he goes on and then I passed by a party where they had drinks, and was quite up to my gills & totally out of it for some time, and THAT’S why I’ve done you dirty and owe you ever so many poems. I don’t really understand the last two lines but apparently he then offers to bring a drink for this person he’s talking to, mentions a wish to meet a winter goddess (????? pretty girl? or the snow? idk which), and starts reminiscing the times that were like a precious string of pearls they had singing at Yang Pass. Most likely farewells, but without context I just don’t get it. Anyway bribery and misdirection huh? I see what you did there bro, and I’m sure the person you attempted to distract saw it coming too...

何必 | hé bì, is a rhetorical question of Must you really? In the case of this word, 何 functions as roughly ‘is it that’ and 必 as ‘it must be so’.

换酒钱 | huàn jiǔ qián is of course, exchange for money to purchase wine.

‘Must you really promise poems in exchange for money to buy wine?’ then is the literal translation of 何必诗债换酒钱.

So here is the question: Is alcohol worth a poetry debt? Onwards to the answer!

Intro

生就诗骨 算来三百篇  Born and already a poet to the bones, (with) three hundred works counting up to now. 

浪掷秦淮长安 风流李杜王白  Spending lavishly in Qinhuai and Chang’an, free/unrestrained as Li and Du, Wang and Bai;

余下十分 便随意肩上担  whatever left is divided in ten parts, casually thrown over a shoulder

权作金玉铜板 相谢好人间  and taken for jade, gold and coin, a big thank you to this good world!

I interpreted the 生 in the first line as 天生 i.e. innate, natural born talent, so this first line describes someone born with a gift for poetry with ‘three hundred’ works to their name. Although... that three hundred should not be taken too literally, it’s more likely to be an allusion to collected works like the 16th century anthology of poems, Three Hundred Tang Poems. After all, Li Bai, Du Fu, Wang Wei and Bai Juyi are the most famous Tang Dynasty poets… and they were all name-dropped in the next line!

浪掷 | làng zhì was a new phrase for me, and means something like spending freely and lavishly or willfully wasted. Of course Chang’an was the capital during the Tang Dynasty and it was the world's most populous city at the time. One can only imagine how prosperous it must have been… and what fun things were there to spend your money on! The banks of Qinhuai river and that general area was once a gathering place for noble/wealthy families, scholars looking for a good time (and some say, the red light district xD). Though by Sui/Tang, that area was no longer doing as well due to political shifts. So the mental image I got from 浪掷秦淮长安 is of someone gallivanting through places of interest, from the bustling and prosperous to the dilapidated.

风流 | fēng liú is as always, hard to translate with no full equivalent in english. The feel it gives me ranges from, ‘cool, dashing bloke on a galloping horse with their cloak/robes/hair flowing elegantly in the wind’ to ‘pleasure seeking dandy who totally knows how to enjoy life, all the courtesans know him by courtesy name!’.

The third line started with 余下十分, which will not make any sense - why leftover? Divide what by ten? - until its put in context with the following:

Three hundred poems 算来三百篇 + 权作金玉铜板 pretend they are gold/jade/money (权作 | quán zuò just means to take one thing for another temporarily.)

The load thrown over the shoulder 肩上担

Spendthrift behaviour on tour 浪掷秦淮长安

The TITLE: bro so u wanna promise poetry in exchange for money to drink? why.

Let’s take those precious poems that can be exchanged for gold - a whole bagful of scrolls, and now I’m so rich I can scatter my money down the streets of entertainment districts and the capital! The very image of a 风流 poet, reckless and free spirited.

// Folks, please learn from this silly girl and do not read songs (or poems) line by line. They need to be appreciated at a distance, not one inch from your eyeballs.

Verse 1

两分与月 劳烦身前打点 Two parts to the moon, (may I) trouble you to take care of me while I’m alive.

哪处巍峨峰峦 当借我悬来观 Wherever there are majestic peaks and ranges, do lend me (your light) to hang and see by.

三分典高楼 好与长风赴宴 Three parts pawned for the tall building, good for attending the banquet alongside the wind,

遍寻可爱星子 唾手一把玩 searching for charming little stars, easily caught to play with.

Now we get to see how the poet is spending his ‘wealth’. This verse is a lot more literal as compared to the introduction, so there’s not much to say.

打点 used here is so interesting! Because it’s what you call bribing someone in a superior position to smoothen your path ahead (so to speak). Thanks to a childhood of tvb drama, I vaguely associate the type of people who would 打点 with rich merchant or minor noble fathers who want to give their sons an easier time at court. Either that or lower ranked officials with less moral scruples. Anyway, what’s being said in the song is something like: here is 20% dear moon, I’ll have to trouble you to bless me for the rest of this lifetime, and also please lend me your light to see by when I have need of it at scenic spots *for art*. The moon is a muse for many poets in all its forms after all… 明月, 圆月, 孤月, 残月, 冷月, 江月, 秋月 and so on.

Actually that whole sentence 劳烦身前打点 is so playful and fun that I put it in quotation marks to emphasize it. We’ve only just begun. Is the speaker already drunk?

And with the third line, 30% has been spent. Just noting here that 典 | diǎn can be read as pawn or mortgage. Another interesting thing to note would be that this imagery of ascending a tall building 高楼 and reaching out for stars 星子 in the last two lines of Verse 1 brings to mind one particular poem, famously attributed to Li Bai. Following translation by yours truly.

《夜宿山寺》- Overnight at the Mountain Temple 危楼高百尺 | dangerously towering a hundred feet high 手可摘星辰 | the stars are within reach 不敢高声语 | one dares not raise their voice 恐惊天上人 | for fear of disturbing the deities

Though the two probably have nothing to do with each other, doesn’t the reverence in the tone of this one bring out the playful irreverence of the other? So. Much. Fun. I adore the whole feel of 遍寻可爱星子 唾手一把玩 SO MUCH.

Verse 2

两分与桥 歇脚南北行船 Two parts to the bridge where travellers on foot and by boat from the north and south can rest,

欣然八方风物 闲话半日茶碗 delighted by the scenery all around, idly chatting half the day away over bowls of tea.

三分典流水 润色枯瘦石山 Three parts for the running water, moistening the gaunt stone mountains

又将天地一展 伸手 试浓淡 and again spreading heaven and earth wide, reaching out to test the viscosity (of the water).

It took a few listens, but in the end I really enjoyed the aesthetics here. And again, this verse is quite straight to the point albeit with two things I cannot understand.

The first point of confusion for me is why the lyricist chose to use 桥 | qiáo, a bridge as the place for people to rest on their journeys. I assumed here that this in reference to a pier or dock, assumed also that he is donating funds for this structure to be built or repaired. However, if that were the case 坞 | wù would have been enough - 船坞 was supposedly invented only in the Song Dynasty though, so maybe that’s why another word was chosen. But it’s not like there is any incidence of 桥 being used to mean ‘dock’ either!

The second thing that confuses me is the use of 典 for 流水. In verse one, that 典 was referring to the poetry works sold to reserve the venue for a banquet. That usage was apt. Here I suspect it might be for parallel structure, because there is no alternative reading for 典 that might allow one to use their 30% 三分 to do anything to flowing water 流水. That’s the literal reading, of course.

If we’re taking this a little less literally, it can be interpreted as borrowing the scenery (figuratively, since the place would not belong to anyone in the way you might own a property) to admire. It also expands on the second line’s mention of the surrounding view 欣然八方风物; there is running water which completes 润色 and brings the appearance of the gaunt and rocky mountains 枯瘦石山 closer to perfection.

润色 | rùn sè means to polish, to bring to greater heights. When you say something has been 润色 it is made more brilliant and closer to perfection by that addition. It can also mean moisten.

We always hear ‘rivers and mountains like a painting’ 江山如画 - originating from Su Dongpo’s《念奴娇·赤壁怀古》- used when the scenery is wonderful, because how often is real life as ideal as what we can imagine and depict? And that is exactly what is described here. The feeling out if the ‘water’ is concentrated or diluted 试浓淡 is used in answer to 一展 unfurling. 浓淡 of ink to 一展 of painting scroll. The land and sky seem like an ink wash painting, so beautiful that the viewer cannot help but reach out to run their hand through the water.

Chorus

Chorus Part 1

若趁游兴直到酣 If we take advantage of our wanderlust and go roaming till it is sated,

千字文章不值钱 classics and essays shan’t be worth a coin.

诗换花 词换雪 A poem for a flower! A song for snow!

再作檄文斗天官 Another denunciation for those heavenly officials!

Starting off with three new terms for me: 游兴 | yóu xìng means enthusiasm for travel. 酣 | hān can mean having a great time drinking, or being very satisfied and satiated. 檄文 | xí wén is a type of official document written for important announcements, declaration of war, or denunciation and condemnation of certain people or actions.

While I still feel this need to go out to see the world, I shall keep on the road until I am satisfied. Who cares about writing, who cares for study, it’s all worthless to me. I do what I want. And what I want is to write a little poem in exchange for a flower, some lyrics for a flake of snow. I’ll even write a denunciation against those officials in heaven (immortals). Fight me!!!!

I point again at Verse 1 with climbing the tower to play with stars. It’s no longer just playing nearby, now he wants a go at the gods.

Among the four parts of the chorus, this one is the simplest for sure. The lines mean exactly what is said. It also feels the most chaotic and mischievous. Is the speaker drunk? Is he high on something? One thing’s for sure. He’s out of money.

Chorus Part 2

何愁不得一样我 Why feel troubled that (I) cannot have another just like me?

知交尽向话中添 for one who understands you and is understood, look entirely towards stories to fill that place

唐解元 嵇中散 people like Tang Bohu (first in provincial examinations) and proud, upright and stubborn Ji Kang

且驰大梦任疯癫 Just chase that great dream, allow yourself to go mad.

I feel like the first two lines are quite straightforward, though they might not appear so on first reading: How could there be a need to feel sad or troubled that I have no like-minded equal. To find a true friend who understands you without need for words, and whom you understand in return, all you need to do is turn to those tales and stories 话中 for people to fill 添 that place.

唐解元 - People like Tang Yin, courtesy name: Bohu 唐寅, 字伯虎 (1470–1524 AD), noted painter, calligrapher and poet of the Ming Dynasty. Tang Yin led a life full of ups and downs that really cannot be covered in a paragraph’s worth of song translation notes. You can check out his wiki page if you’re curious though! There’s a little more on him where I cover the last line of this section. He is addressed as 解元 | jiè yuán here which is the term for the top scorer of the provincial examinations (second stage in the Imperial examination ladder). It is also an honorific for scholars. Tang Bohu is both.

嵇中散 - People like Ji Kang, courtesy name: Shuye 嵇康, 字叔夜, (223–262 AD), one of the Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove - a group of friends who wisely kept themselves aloof from the dangerous politics of the Court, and devoted themselves to art, refinement and debate, of the Three Kingdoms period. He was a Daoist philosopher, musician, writer and poet.  

An accomplished musician, the qin composition 廣凌散 | guǎnglíng sàn is attributed to Ji Kang, though some versions of the story claim he learned it from a ghost while stopping at a pavillion on his way home. 嵇中散 was one of the names he was known by because of his appointment to the position of Attendant Counsellor, 中散大夫 | zhōng sàn dàfū, a civil official unspecified duties in the court of Cao Wei.

When Ji Kang was sentenced to death for his attempt to testify for a wrongly accused friend, three thousand scholars petitioned for his pardon to no avail. It’s said that at the execution ground, while they waited for the appointed hour, he had his favourite qin brought out and played a brilliant interpretation of Guanglin San that is now forever lost.

Do go read about them both if you have the time!

I would like to point out for the last line that 任 is to allow, to indulge, and it’s just such a heady sensation to say 任疯癫 - indulge in the madness! throw yourself in and don’t look back!

There is an easter egg here too. A nod to a poem by Tang Yin which can be read as his stance on his lifestyle choice after the alleged accusations of bribery in the final step of the Imperial examinations left him disgraced, and unable to pursue a civil career. Thematically the line does not call back to the poem at all, similarities end with the choice of words: chasing the dream 驰大梦 and indulging madness 任疯癫.  I leave an excerpt below. Translation again by me.

《桃花庵歌》- Song of a Plum Blossom Cottage // 若将花酒比车马 | if tawdriness and wine were compared against fine carriage and steed 他得驱驰我得闲 | he would have to drive and work hard for speed whilst I have my idle rest 别人笑我太疯癫 | others mock me for my madness 我笑他人看不穿 | i am amused for they do not perceive 不见五陵豪杰墓 | can’t you see that at the Emperors’ mausoleums and heroes’ graves 无花无酒锄做田 | there are no flowers, no wine, only land ploughed for farming

The second part of the chorus isn’t related to the first, but it has the same theme of showcasing the untamable (unhinged xD) spirit of the speaker. This time, the people he admires ‘intellectual equals’ and kindred spirits are featured, the 任性 feeling here has been pushed to greater heights.

Chorus Part 3

敢夸洒落何须酒 If one dares to boast of carefreeness, why, they hardly need wine.

不煮黄粱也称仙 Even without brewing millet they would still be called Immortal.

镜湖桌 白梅盏 The tables in the mirror-like lake, white plum blossoms in the cups,

等来春风恰开宴 await the spring breeze which arrives just in time for the feast to start!

Li Bai is regarded as both the god of poetry 诗仙 and god of drunkards wine 酒仙 because he wrote some of his greatest poems while drinking. The first two lines seem to be gently poking fun at that. Like hey, if you dare to claim to be all groovy, surely you have no need for alcohol? Just like how an immortal would still be an immortal without wine, your writing talent should not need any stimulants. This would be the time to mention that 黄粱 | huáng liáng is also known as millet, a type of grain that can be used to brew wine.

洒落 | sǎ luò has a few meanings, like shower down or blame, but the relevant one here would be 洒脱 generous, uninhibited and open. For me it feels similar to 风流 in that there is that ‘free, and exhilaratingly unrestrained’ element. 洒落 is in the most positive sense, being always open to having a good time, but without that dissolute or vaguely whirlwind-romance like connotation of 风流.

It feels like the intensity is letting up a little here - this is a light-hearted and frivolous song all the way through, but the words 洒落, 称仙 and imagery of a clear lake, white plum blossoms and the crisp spring breeze are grounding and sweet. Spirited in a different way from before.

Chorus Part 4

四角天地也醺然 The four corners and heaven and earth are also tipsy,

醉极自有桃李搀 when I’ve overindulged, my students will be there to help.

快意只 笔下讨 Gratification can only be claimed from beneath the brush;

何必诗债换酒钱 is falling into poetry debt worth that money for drink?

New words: 醺然 | xūn rán just means drunk. A new word for me though! 桃李 | táo lǐ is literally peach 桃 and plum 李 (李花, also known as 玉梅) flowers, and is a metaphor for students. The term originates from a story in 《韩诗外传》which was set in the Wei Kingdom of the Spring and Autumn period (771 to 476 BCE). There was once a highly ranked official who was sacked from his post and left for the north. He met another gentleman and remarked that the people he helped before did not lift a finger when he was in need. This person replied that, if someone were to plant peach and plum trees in spring, he could relax under their shade in the Summer and taste their fruit in the Autumn. But if that person were to plant weeds, nothing can be done with their leaves in Spring and there would only be burrs to hurt himself on in Autumn. Clearly the people the unfortunate gentlemen had helped before were not worth his effort. Students ought to be carefully selected and carefully cultivated as one would a tree.

Reading the four corners and heaven and earth 四角天地 are also tipsy 也醺然, I imagine the world sort of spinning around the speaker because he is drunk. But that’s okay, because his students (or the trees xD) will be there to support him.

快意 | kuài yì is the feeling of sudden relaxation, and then lightheartedness and joy. In this line, I felt like the intention would be closer to 畅快，爽快 and so chose gratification, because really writing is like scratching an itch isn’t it? Pleasure from satisfaction of a desire. Phrasing it as 笔下讨 is so very fitting though, because 讨 can be interpreted - somewhat contradicting - as either to demand or to beg. What could be more gratifying than having squeezed out the perfect sentence or word under your figurative pen?

So so so after all that, 何必诗债换酒钱? What do you think, is alcohol worth the poetry debt? Is Mr. Poet actually drunk and about to dig himself a deeper hole of owed poems to get even MORE drunk, or has he just been thinking about it all along? :)

Thoughts

This has been such a fun adventure following our madcap big spender from the shining Chang’an to the inviting Qinhuai, shadow of great poets in tow and all. We’ve done everything from talking to the moon and seeing the sights by her light, to boating down a river, dragging fingers through the water. It was sort of like being on a backpacking tour, except with with someone contemplating opening (or perhaps regretting opening this can of worms?) poetry commissions instead of singing in the streets?

Dear reader, if you’ve reached this point of my post, thank you. I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do now!

[catsafarithewriter]

Day 6: Midnight Snack

A/N: This was inspired by a conversation with @wolfiethewriter about potentially how much Baron really knew about human habits, and how easily he’d be to fool. (Also late again... but 

x

The first impression most folk had upon meeting Baron was usually cat.

The second impression, after realising this tiny, well-dressed feline was capable of speech and wielded his words with significant eloquence was normally gentlemen.

Most people didn’t progress past this point, which worked well in Baron’s favour because the third impression commonly veered off into chaos territory.

Haru was on her ninth impression.

This stage consisted of speed running past past words such as infallible, charming, and emotionally constipated, and boomeranging back into the early stages in a messy amalgamation of chaotic gentleman cat Creation.

The overall outcome was the realisation that while Baron was indeed a gentleman and an immortal Creation, he was also substantially under-experienced when it came to the human experience, and also was not immune to laser pointers. 

And while the latter was a tendency that Haru would occasionally indulge for her own amusement (so far the list of banned Bureau items involved not only laser pointers, but also wind-up mice, chalk, and suspiciously-empty boxes), Muta was far more drawn to the former trait.

As such, sometimes there were weird moments in the Bureau.

(Not weird as in abnormal - in a Bureau dedicated to dealing with magic, the supernatural was practically natural - but just gently odd.)

For instance, being woken at 11:45pm by a soft tapping at the door.

Haru rolled over and surveyed the room that was definitely not her room for several long, belaboured moments, before groggily recalling the events of the day before.

Right.

The case.

The nightmare case.

The case involving personified nightmares and physical dreams and had been the reason she had slept in the spare bedroom the Sanctuary had spontaneously produced for her use.

That case.

She stared up at the speckled ceiling and tried to align her unexpected sleepover with the knocking at her door.

It wasn’t the frenzied oh-dear-god-the-monsters-have-found-us hammering, nor the apologetic excuse-me-but-you-left-the-dishes-in-the-sink rapping, but it was unfailingly polite. It was, in nature, the same tone that flight hostesses give when they wake you up for your paid airborne meal at 5am.

She almost would have preferred monsters.

She rolled out of the bed, grabbing the dressing gown that the Sanctuary had thoughtfully provided, and lumbered to the door.

“Wassup?”

Baron, infuriatingly bright-eyed at ridiculous hours of the night and apparently confused as to why Haru didn’t share that trait, offered what was probably a winning smile at any other time of day. “Miss Haru, food is ready.”

Haru blinked.

Then she blinked again for good measure.

When it became quite apparent that she wasn’t dreaming and Baron was indeed there and informing her about food, she mustered up all the eloquence she could manage in her sleep-addled brain, and said, “What?”

The winning smile only slightly faltered. “Muta warned me that after the chaos of the previous case, you may not feel up to macks, but he’s previously made it quite clear how important of a meal it is for mortals, so it’ll do you good to eat.”

Haru squinted through the haze of midnightitis and decided these kinds of hijinks were the reason she didn’t sleep over at the Bureau. Her mind eventually settled on the words that she had understood, even if the direction of the whole sentence had escaped her. “You’re asking...” she fumbled, “for me to come with you at...” she checked, “11:53pm, for food?”

“That seems to be the gist of it, yes.”

She stared at him, swaying slightly in the doorway. ”Sure. Why not?” She yawned and pulled the dressing gown tighter. “Lead the way, mah... messtro... maestro.”

The first signs of reconsideration flittered across Baron’s face. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

“I’m awake now. Kinda too late for second guessing.” She tucked her arm into his, partly for the intimacy, but mostly because she didn’t trust herself to find her own way to the kitchen. 

A few more of her mental facilities had come back online by the time they reached the main heart of the Sanctuary, enough for Haru to fully appreciate the extensive spread of food laid out before her. 

“Wow, this is... this is a lot,” Haru stammered. Geez, I’d forgotten how the Bureau never does anything by halves. “I mean, a cold meat spread and everything? Grilled cheese? Sticky rice? Why...? How...?” 

“We thought you might need a proper macks after the day you’ve had.”

“...What?”

“Well, during the nightmare case, you barely had a chance to rest, let alone eat--”

“No, no, I got that. Well,” Haru amended, “I see your logic. Macks?” She wondered whether the Sanctuary translation magic was having another off day. “Is that... Is that a Creation thing?” Except Creations didn’t need to eat, so that didn’t really make any sense... 

“Oh, maybe I’m not saying it right,” Baron hemmed. “Macks: the last meal of the day, originating from the tradition of eating the leftover food before the new day. A portmanteau of ‘midnight’ and ‘snacks’.” He looked at her expectantly as if that explained everything. 

If anything, Haru was left even more flummoxed. The way he spoke was that of a dictionary definition, but it was no word she had ever heard. Maybe the Sanctuary really had tapped out for the night. “Okay, but I’ve never heard of...”

Across the room, Muta suddenly furiously gestured for her to derail that sentence. 

Oh. 

Well. Now it all made sense. 

“...never heard of grilled cheese for macks,” Haru weakly finished. “Excuse me, I always take a turn around the garden before macks; Muta, please join me.” And without waiting for an answer, she grabbed Muta’s arm and hauled him out into the Sanctuary courtyard. 

She waited until the door had swung solidly behind her before starting what was looking to be a very enlightening conversation. 

“Muta,” she said, her arm tightly curled around his arm despite her deceptively light tone, “is it my sleep-deprived brain talking, or have you managed to con Baron and Toto into believing that midnight snacks are a legit meal?”

“Yeah, in hindsight this kinda got out of paw.”

“Kinda?”

“Look, Baron caught me snacking one night, so I lied and made up macks to get him off my back--”

“And he believed you?”

“Keep it down, Chicky; do ya want them to hear? And... eh, at first I think he just let it go. But then he started putting away the leftover food to remove temptation, so I showed him it was a real word.”

“It’s not a real word.”

Muta smirked. “It is if you edit Baron’s dictionary.”

“How...?”

“You’d be amazed what yer can do with a printer, glue, and far too much time.”

“You don’t have a printer,” Haru pointed out. 

“The library does.”

Haru digested this as they circled the far end of the courtyard. “Muta, have you been sneaking into the library at night?”

“Maybe?”

“Oh my god, you’re why everyone thinks it’s haunted.” 

“It is.”

Haru’s mouth clattered shut for several seconds. “Oh no, I did not need to know that.”

“Yer stuff a load of dead trees into one building, yer bound to get spirits following after, like bogeymen and ghouls--” 

“Stop talking. Just... stop.”

Aware that they were returning back in the direction of the Bureau, and that too many circuits would rouse suspicion in their companions, Haru attempted to wrangle the conversation back on to relevant territory.

“You know he’s going to figure it out eventually.”   

“Yeah, but it doesn’t have to be today, does it, Chicky? I’ve got a good thing going here.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” She made a show of tilting her head in the impression of deep thought. “I don’t know how I feel about being an accessory to your lies.”

“How about one secret for another, then?” Muta offered. “I won't tell him your secret if you don’t tell him mine.”

“You don’t know any of my secrets.”  

“I know you’re the one who ate the last of his birthday cake.”

Haru froze. “You have no proof.”

“I found the crumbs on your scarf.” 

“Okay, but it was really good sponge cake and I was hungry and suffering from cramps!”

“So we’ve got a deal?”

Haru narrowed her eyes. “Is this what it feels like to be blackmailed?”

“This ain’t blackmail, this is mutually beneficial shutting-up.” 

“You’re skating on thin ice, buddy.” 

“Just play along for this one night and I promise Baron’ll never know it was you who stole the cake.”

“Only the last slice,” Haru muttered, but she steered them both back into the Bureau, where ‘macks’ was still spread across the table. She had to admit, it did look delicious, and her stomach gave an agreeing rumble. “Well, I feel better for that midnight constitution,” she said jollily, grabbing a seat and pulling herself in. “Don’t you, Muta?”

“Yeah. Definitely.”

“Mmmm, smacks, my favourite meal of the night.” 

Baron gave her a strange look, and Haru wondered if she was laying the enthusiasm on a bit thick. Then, “You mean macks, don’t you?”

“...Yes?”

Another searching look. She could see the gears whirring through his mind as he put two and two together and realised he had been duped. Then he pointedly retrieved his dictionary and flipped it open to what Haru presumed was the ‘M’ section. 

“Mackem... mackerel... mackintosh... macks...” His finger caught something on the page, and Haru saw the edge of paper curl, dried glue giving up its secrets as he peeled the addition away. “And look, here’s ‘mackle,’ mysteriously hidden beneath the definition for ‘macks’. How peculiar.” He looked up. “Don’t you think, Muta?” 

“I... Uh... Haru ate the last of your birthday cake!”

“MUTA!” Haru gasped. “You said you wouldn’t tell!”

“Hey, Chicky, my secret’s out, so so’s yours.”

“You...” Haru felt herself redden and she threw a hand in his direction. “Muta was the one who broke the teapot!”

“She forgot to water your plants last summer and replaced all of them so you wouldn't notice!”

“He brought home the cursed chopping board that nearly ate the Bureau!”

“She’s the one who hid the laser pointer!”

“He got himself employed by a Cat Kingdom smuggling ring!”

“Yeah, well, she...” Muta floundered. “She’s in love with you!”

“WE’RE ALREADY DATING!” Haru roared back.

There was a long, long pause. 

“Wait,” Toto interrupted, who had been happily watching the proceedings until then. “What? Since when?” 

“Uh...” 

“You’ve been dating in secret and didn’t tell us?”

Haru glanced to Baron. “Um, a little help here?”

“A moment, please.” Baron was flicking through the dictionary, apparently entirely oblivious to the turn the conversation had taken. He frowned. “I suppose you’re going to tell me that second breakfast isn’t a thing either?”

“Not unless you’re a hobbit,” Haru replied. She glanced to Muta with a ‘exactly how far did you take this?’ look before returning her attention to Baron. “Um, just how many meals of the day do you think there are?”

“Is the number in the double digits?”

“...No.”

Baron’s face took on a funny sort of expression, his whiskers twitching and his nose wrinkling. “MUTA!”