#legit a feral dog of a human being

[fighting-naturalist]

“We’re going for a little ride tomorrow! Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

Michael Shanks as Victor in Burn Notice 2.06 “Bad Blood”

[ms-hells-bells]

doesn't peta literally take + kill people's pets though? I recall even the vegan groups I used to be in distancing themselves from that organisation...

it was largely a misrepresentation. it's like saying 'crazy how hospices have such high death rates!'

peta, is not like most shelters, they are the last resort people or other shelters go to, they euthanise animals taken in that are either too sick or injured to live, so traumatised/feral that they can never be homed, and very elderly animals with not much time to go, and sometimes in desperate circumstances, others that they simply have no room to take in. peta shelters have an 'open door policy', meaning they NEVER say no, and they offer people free euthanasia (euthanising a pet is actually rather expensive and many low income people cannot afford it, so go to peta shelters to get it done, boosting the euthanasia numbers).

'no kill' shelters are a fallacy, they simply pick and choose who they take in, only taking in animals that are young, healthy, and attractive breeds. all the rest they refuse, and the refused animals just get dumped on the street. the only places that can take these animals are 'kill' shelters (with no kill shelters often giving animals who haven't been adopted within a few months to kill shelters), who try their best got adopt them out if they can.

what are you or other critics gonna do? adopt millions of starving, injured cats and dogs? including ones that pose a very high danger to humans? as a vegan i HATE it, but this is why both vegans and peta are against breeding, and puppy selling of animals. every new designer life born is a home lost for an already living animal, and our dragging of these species to environments where they have zero competition and few predators has created a massive global boom in their populations. peta tries to relocate as many animals as possible to shelters with space, but with so many, often (in peta's view) a painless euthanasia is far kinder than chucking them back to suffer with feline aids, tumours, ptsd, infectioned wounds, blindness (on the streets), starvation, etc.

people hate their actions regarding that, but have no solution themselves, they just wanna pretend there's no problem.

i'm not even being DEFENSIVE of peta, i don't like them either, but for proven, legit reasons like their use of misogyny and objectification in adverts and demonstrations, as well as their claims that drinking dairy is linked to autism (though they did somewhat rescind that statement in 2020, when the 2010 ad resurfaced online).

but the utter hypocrisy of people bringing that up when they're almost never vegan, therefore they contribute to hundreds of animal deaths each year with their wallet, drives me nuts. not to mention that this rage and misinformation is fueled and funded by the MEAT INDUSTRY, with things like the 'center for consumer freedom' being funded by farmers and big brands like kfc, as well as political lobbyists that get those sweet ag bribes. they literally run the website 'petakillsanimals.com', the one most quoted regarding this topic. these people are intent on destroying every group against their agenda, and people eat it up because they benefit. because they wanna eat eggs and bacon for breakfast.

[glitchstoxicwaste]

I AM POLITELY BEGGING THAT WE GET SLASHERS WITH AN ABSOLUTELY FERAL S/O, I'M TALKING SOME REAL GREMLIN SHIT HERE, JUST THESE STOIC MURDER BOYS WITH THE EMBODIMENT OF CHAOS RUNNING AROUND THEM

Slashers x Feral! Gremlin! Reader

OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH!

Hope it's good-

Woah I posted more than once a week? Holy shit man-

Slashers

TW: Feral ass reader, suggestive themes in Bo's, let me know if I missed anything

Continue below the cut!

Michael Myers!

Bro is legit the meme of the dog sitting at a table saying "This is fine" and you are the flame, but remove the text, add a mask, and make the flame a human spider in the corner screeching loudly because your Dino Nuggies aren't done yet.

He has now added a fence around the property with a sign that says "Beware of dog"

So imagine the mailman's surprise when he just sees you run, trip, land on your face, pause for half a second, get back up with your head down, then full on fucking sprinting his way like Sonic the damn Hedgehog.

I shit you not he saw his life flashing before his eyes, bro chucked the mailbag at you and stumbled to go the other way yelling "I'M TURNING IN MY TWO WEEKS NOTICE!"

Every day Michael comes home late to find you dead asleep in the most uncomfortable looking position ever on the floor in the Livingroom, pool of saliva under your cheek, body twitching randomly.

He just sighs, picks you up, takes you to bed, and lays next to you to try and get some sleep.

On days people come onto his property when you both were chilling outside, the teens that hopped the fence freeze when they see Michael and you being calm on the porch, eating cookies, him drinking water, you having a Monster Energy Drink.

You both whip your heads to face them and they freeze like deer caught in headlights thinking Michael was going to attack, but when you and him looked at one another, nodded, and you both got up, the laugh you made scared them more than the giant holding a knife.

Before Michael was even stabbing the teen he caught, here you came, bouncing in joy, you have an unconscious teenager being dragged behind you, you scared him so bad he knocked the fuck out.

He loves you, he does, you entertain him, bring him excitement, and you're basically his own personal security dog, but, you're human.

Jason Voorhees!

Under normal circumstances, he would keep you in the cabin to keep you safe, now, he keeps you in the cabin to keep you from biting the ankles of the trespassers.

You are like a squirrel with rabies, but human, and the foam in your mouth isn't from rabies, its from your saliva bubbling because you're fucking VIBRATING uncontrollably.

One time, you and him went to the lake, he wanted you to swim and release some of that energy.

He didn't expect you to run up to him holding a fucking snake by its head yelling "LOOK WHAT I FOUND!"

He got so scared for both you AND the snake, did it bite you? no? Did you bite it? Yes? Why is he not surprised...

On days it seems him and Pamela can't keep up with the trespassers, they release their ultimate weapon, Jason's s/o, you.

At first when you waltz up to them they think you were lost, but then you jump on one of them, yeah no... FUCKING SCATTER!

You befriended all the animals in the area, including insects, you give spiders little offerings for fucks sake!

Whenever he's chopping firewood, you'll be doing laps, running around him at full speed panting like a dog and giggling uncontrollably.

You tripped over a rock and your face planted right on a log, he hate's to admit he enjoyed the calmness and silence of you laying there processing what just happened... but either way he was about to put the axe down and check on you when you slowly got up.

You stood with your back to him and he walked over to you, he reached to put his hand on your shoulder but you had whipped around and gave him a huge smile and a thumbs up.

He would shrug it off and hug you... if you weren't pouring blood out of your nose and missing a tooth.

What is he going to do with you.

Norman Bates!

You bring a new excitement into his life!

And let me tell you, Mother was shocked at how you weren't sex crazy... you were CRAZY crazy.

He keeps you with him, a child harness on you at all times, there were a few times he muzzled you because you were legit barking... he doesn't know what else to do!

You keep kids entertained... sometimes...

You're hard to control, after a while he just had you attached to a kid harness which was attached to the door handle to the room behind the reception desk.

He gives you Energy Drinks when you keep quiet while he checks people into the motel.

He really starts to appreciate the silence of being alone, but he would never leave you, he loves you too much.

Brahms Heelshire!

He doesn't understand at first, you were so tame and respectful up until he came out from the walls, then you turned rabid.

Is this what it's like whenever he would throw a tantrum? Is this all of his old nanny's revenge for him killing them and throwing tantrums? Oh god...

After a while he becomes numb to it.

When groceries are delivered to the house and the doorbell rings he watches as you do slide across the floor, crash into the wall, and swing the door open as you bounce on your toes.

You both put groceries away, then its back to screeching down the halls and laughing randomly.

Once someone broke into the house and Brahms didn't know until he heard someone yell out in pain, he rushes to where you are and is dumbfounded when he sees you latched onto the intruder with your teeth buried into his shoulder.

He asked for a nanny, not a weird ass dog.

Bedtime excites him, you're calm and pliant for once, he can admire your relaxed state now, your face showing no emotion, body spent from the running, nose having a little dry blood from when you knocked over a book case and broke your nose earlier.

Billy Lenz!

Oh no...

Bad idea mixing you both...

The Moaner and the Gremlin met and started dating...

You both ran everyone out of the house with your spontaneous bursts of energy.

The noises you both make could make anyone uncomfortable instantly, from him slurping on his own saliva and his heavy breathing to you soft and random laughing and cracking your joints roughly.

One day you both were decorating the tree for Christmas, he couldn't get the star up, so you ran and jumped on it causing it to fall.

Billy shouted "Timber!" and you both began laughing.

But he does love the silent, calm, cuddle moments you both have, it makes him feel loved and appreciated.

Thomas Hewitt!

The whole family got used to you right away.

Legit imagine being a victims facing Thomas, a huge, buff, tall man holding a chainsaw, and then all of a sudden you see a tiny human pop out from behind him physically vibrating.

You became the family's alarm for escaped dinner, you can sense movement outside, whip around, and bolt out the door yelping and screaming.

The family goes outside to see you chasing down someone, tackle them, and then sprint back with a living person being dragged behind you.

Hoyt fears you and keeps away.

Luda Mae appreciates your liveliness and dedication to Thomas.

Thomas loves you and your acceptance.

Due to you being.. well.. you.. he doesn't feel bad about taking off his mask.

One time Hoyt said something dumb about Tom's face and before Luda could do anything about it you lunged at him.

You wrapped yourself around his leg tight, and bit his thigh HARD!

You caused him to have a giant scar, a large chunk of his leg missing, a hole in his jeans, and a proud smile on your face.

Bo Sinclair!

You annoyed him, you still do, but he learned that you can't be tamed in any way.

You escaped his traps, escaped Vincent, and ATE YOUR WAY THROUGH WAX! FUCKING WAX!

He has you help out in Ambrose, you scare people more than he does when he holds a gun to their head.

You being there causes them to freeze, you have a spot in the corner of his garage, a little cot and a sign above it that says "Don't come near me, I will remove your limbs."

People become more pliant to Bo when you stand by him as he works.

He can let all his anger out on you and the next day you'll be calm from him using up a portion of your energy while he is in bed knocked out and spent fully.

When Bo flirts with other people you keep him in line, he senses danger whenever your even a little pissy, so when he gets caught flirting he knows to introduce you as his s/o before he gets his knees bent backwards.

Vincent Sinclair!

You are not allowed to be hyper in his art room, the art room is a thing you earn to be in.

When you're hyper and in "Havoc" mode you and shipped to Lester to let out energy with Jonesy, or to Bo to annoy.

When you're calm and not so hyper you can be in his art area with him.

You keep watch of those in that room, attacking anyone who dares to escape.

He uses you as a reference a lot.

When he wants to draw a landscape he lets you out with him so you can get out energy.

Chuckles when you roll down hills because you lost balance while running and started to tumble.

Tells you to catch any tumbleweeds that roll around, knowing you'll be distracted by them running sporadically around.

Plays with your hair if you have any and chuckles when you purr and lean into his touch.

Amused when you fall over because he moved his hand, thus loosing your support.

Adores to draw your sleeping figure, so rarely calm and relaxed, you're his favorite work of art, but god you sure are a piece of work.

Lester Sinclair!

It's like having two dogs, except one is human and he's in love with you.

Adores watching you and Jonesy play and roll around, you both having fun doing wild things fills his heart.

Brings you to work with him, you make work more fun and interesting for him.

He can't help but laugh when you annoy Bo, because everyone knows you will knock him on his ass if you wanted to.

Appreciates how you don't care about his smell and lack of hygiene.

When you both wrestle and rough house it makes him happy to know you trust him enough to do this with him.

Learns to appreciate quiet time though.

The silence and calmness, domesticity of the situation, makes his heart flutter.

At night when you both are snuggling into each other with Jonesy at you feet, the thought of tomorrow excites him more now than it did before.

[i-need-air]

Hybrid!AU Wolf!Bakugou Katsuki HCs.

Summary: How would Hybrid!Bakugou would react to being adopted by the reader and their domestic life together. Headcanons and believe me, it's a long one... [2k WORDS OF HCS psjxksdj stop me pls] PLATONIC/ROOMMATES HCS, will do a part two later on with continuation and romance cuz 2kwordsbro...

Notes: I love Hybrid AU!s and I want to indulge myself with this. I barely see these in the fandom, so maybe you guys will like it! Also, depending on how it goes, I'm gonna consider making more for other characters, whachu say? Tell me what you thought and I hope you enjoy!~ ♥

Part 2 here!

× he's a wolf hybrid, and the workers at the shelter warn you that he's feral as you pass by where he was locked

× it seems he was in an illegal fighting ring and nobody could get close to him even if his living conditions now were much better than the hell hole he lived in before

× he growled, scratched, yelled, overall he needed so much help

× normally that would've been very intimidating to you but while the workers tried to push you towards some bunny or dog hybrids they had around, you just froze because the mf said they were considering sacrificing him

× like wHat the fuck?? he's a human being?????? sure he has a tail but what????????

× and you just foken went crazy for a moment cuz you didn't even see him in his cage, he was hiding somewhere under the bundle of blankets he had, probably asleep

× so you just went mental, demanding an explanation because hybrid shelters do not and should not sacrifice a person

× and your increasing yelling just made all the hybrids anxious

× and Bakugou heard everything [who wouldn't]

× i shit you not, the employee tried to explain why

× legit said cuz he's aggressive

× Bitch I'd be aggressive too! I'd bite your jugular off

× course, security was called but you already prepared to call the police, Hybrid Protection Services, your lawyer, your friends, the president, you name it

× and that's when you said you're adopting whoever was under the blankets. NOW.

× always hated the word adopting, but you were looking to give a hybrid a chance since you finally had a spare bedroom in your new apartment

× so like security and the worker just look at each other cuz who tf is gonna be the brave soul to go inside the cage to retrieve Bakugou Katsuki and get rid of you both already

× you're just staring at them like u srs bro? so you just send them to do the paperwork while you decide to go in yourself because you needed to get out of that place ASAP to still contact HPS on this shelter

× security stayed by the door while you hesitantly walked towards the blanket bundle [not so brave anymore] cuz why did that dude have his gun out??????

× but when you approached the bundle and kneeled in front of it you noticed movement

× a fluffy sand yellow tail suddenly came to view and it was big, slowly moving from side to side

× so with the gentlest voice you could muster [after screaming your lungs out moments ago] you tried to talk to whoever was underneath

× you introduced yourself and said you're here to take them home but got nothing, just casual tail movement

× Big Hunkus Brutus Security Guardus™ was getting impatient so he told you to just "fuckin put the collar and leash on the stupid beast" and you just 🙃 fucking excuse u?? while turning towards him

× it was a delicate time and you needed to take it slow, and anyway you knew you'd get that crap off your [hopefully] new friend as soon as possible

× what you didn't expect was the guard to freeze and raise his gun again, but was pointing above your head, not even looking in your eyes

× so you turn and meet a naked chest, scarred, with recent bruising on and big

× looking up you see Bakugou Katsuki, ruffled blonde hair, wild in all directions, red eyes harsh and staring at the guy behind you, only some pants on his form and tail still waving very slowly behind him

× while Chunkus Brutus trembled in place, gun shaking in hands, you were in the fuckin middle of it all

× what you didn't expect is the hybrid to take the collar in your hands and wrap it around his neck, now looking at you, expression still harsh but this time it didn't scream murder [and then grabbed a shirt, thank the heavens]

× progress? making friends? good first impressions?

× na lol you wish but that's spoilers 👀

× the process of adoption went smoothly, and when I say smoothly I mean Robustus Dumbus Brutus behind both of you with his hand still on his gun while all the workers gathered around to see the crazy insane person that adopted The Devil™, the guy that told you about the sacrificing was actually filing the paperwork as fast as possible under the intense gaze of the wolf

× and Bakugou was standing very close to you, btw, like i can feel your body heat close

× he was compliant at first, when you got in the car you started rambling about your house and how he has a room while trying to take the collar off him but he grabbed your hands

× like insanely fast, one blink and firm grip on your hands

× "i ain't gon be your fuckin pet, understood?" he growled at you but made no movement to bolt and run away

× and you just wanted to roll your eyes cuz ok he can kill you anytime but like didn't he get the message when you screamed back there? [also there was this sense of security you had around him or maybe you were just really dumb]

× so when you said you weren't looking for a pet but to help someone and maybe a friend and roommate, he just narrowed his eyes at you

× suspish human, wild doggo no trust

× anywho he took the collar off himself [like extra fast] but you explained that you are going to get him a bracelet or something less degrading since he still needed something with the information tag to have on himself so police will know he's no stray and he wouldn't end in the same craphole again

× journey home was silent, like eery silent

× he just looked out the window intensely, you noticed how he focused on every sign and turn

× you considered asking him questions but honestly with his past you doubted he would even answer so you just started to ramble about your home, stuff you could do around the city [which caught his attention], items you'd have to go buy for him, like clothes, shampoo, any special food, the bracelet

× he stopped looking out the window and just looked at you

× ok he was intensely staring at your side, basically drilling a hole in your cheek with those crimson eyes and it was making you N e r v o u s because making new friends is hard when you're just vomiting monologs, all while driving

× buying things was awkward to say at least, special hybrid stores were rare and for a guy his size it was even more difficult to find anything, which ended up in getting normal clothes and deciding to adjust them for his tail

× while grocery shopping you discovered he actually knew very well what he wanted after a lot of questioning from you

× he finally sighed at your persistent act and just threw stuff in the shopping cart, a surprising amount of spices too

× now for the bracelet part... you decided to spend more on a code that could be scanned to identify him rather than the distasteful ones with name and who owns him

× good thing you planned ahead a long time ago and saved money but you did notice his sharp eyes on you whenever you paid

× and his grunts and judgemental looks at other people with hybrids

× it's as if he wanted to say something, anything, but was stopping himself, which lowkey worried you because from what you heard Bakugou's supposed to be very vocal

× maybe he was glad to be out of the shelter, you know you'd be

× you get home and he follows you to your house, again giving him another chance to bolt somewhere away from you but c'mon both of you knew he'd outrun you so why force him, just let him take his time

× "So this is your room" shook him to the core, legit he just stood silent in the hallway as you presented your house calmly

× sniffing around

× so much sniffing around, tail low while he checked every corner

× once he did decide to check his bedroom, he closed the door leaving you to set everything up

× what you didn't know is that he looked around, shaking with anger

× this is what normal people have?

× sat on the edge of the most confortable bed he's ever had and hoped the idiots of his friends managed to get something like this too

× and the shitshow began when you called him for dinner

× not enough salt, not enough spices

× he was a pain in the ass and as he let go, little by little you started to see him for who he was

× this, this was Bakugou Katsuki, the guy that started to scold you because of the seasoning of the food

× it formed a bond between you, the start of you seeing his real personality

× a Mom™

× slowly started owning the house, although you found it hilarious

× next day you found him cooking breakfast with such an ease it shocked you to the core

× "The fuck you lookin' at?" as he puts a plate of pancakes in front of your

× you just lowkey uwu when you realize he's waiting for your approval as you ate and I swear to you, best pancakes ever

× chest puffed when you complimented his food and this was the first time he mentioned something about his past; seems he had to cook for everyone at the fighting ring he was at, but he didn't mention more

× talking about his past took forever, putting together bits and pieces he mentioned, yet they were so little

× he'd go silent after mentioning his [what you assumed] friends

× if you asked or pressed too much he'd click his tongue or snap at you

× not everything was dandy though; yes, he was a good roommate, but he did have THE attitude

× but not as the people at the shelter made it to be, like he'd snap at you from time to time but it would get better as he'd start to trust you

× ok, ok, hear me out,,,,

× play with his hair

× it happened by accident; you started to have this tradition after a couple of months of living together: movie nights

× he really liked action stuff but both your dirty secret was watching those shitty horror movies and make fun of everyone in them, so every Friday Night was Movie Night

× he just threw himself on the couch and his hair looked puffy and those adorable wolf ears were twitching, you straightforwardly asked him if you could play with it

× [ask if you don't want your hand bit off]

× he scoffed

× silence

× when he nodded and looked away, you squealed and started scratching, just playing with his hair, mindlessly doing so while snickering at the TV when movement caught your attention

× he was wiggling his tail softly

× you guys never mentioned it but now he sits down on the sofa head close to you on a pillow and wait for them god sent scratches; will 100% roll his eyes and scoff at you when you start, acting like YOU want this

× TERRITORIAL AS FUCK

× seriously glares at whoever comes inside the house

× has a problem with every single soul since they dirty his home

× you don't notice it first but he finally starts calling your house home and that's the ultimate progress

× boy had a lot of hardships in his life so he appreciates what he has

× yet it is very, very hard to gain his trust at first

× when you finally do though? he's a loyal friend forever

× he's thankful to have you

× will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever tell you

× his actions speak for him

× you're part of his pack now

× but seriously wash the dishes or you'll die.

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Puppy manager who comes to practice with scratches and a lump in their jacket

Oikawa-worried- what happened?

Mad dog-grunts- (he's asking who he has to beat up)

Yn: oh I found this cat!-pulls a fat cat from the jacket-his name is mochi !!

🤣🤣🤣 you can bet Iwaizumi is going to find a way to somehow blame this on Oikawa too!

"Had anyone seen YN? She's usually never late"- Makki

"I saw her last period and she said she would be at practice"- Kindaichi

"OH MY GOD WHAT IF SHE GOT KIDNAPPED?"- Oikawa, panicking per the usual 😒

"Shut up shittykawa, I'm sure YN's fine"- Iwaizumi, internally panicking because he's actually scared you did get kidnapped

"Hey guys"- YN coming Into the guy looking like she just got in a brawl

"What the hell?"- Mad dog and Iwaizumi stomping up to you

"Who did this for you YN?"- Mad dog

"Who do we have to beat up?"- Iwaizumi

"Damn YN it looks like you got in a cat fight!"- Mattsun

"It's funny you should say that because look!"- YN pulling an absolutely feral cat from below her jacket

"YN WHAT THE FUCK-" Iwaizumi

"Oikawa said he wished we had a mascot so I found this little guy in the back behind school and I thought 'gee I bet this cat would be an awesome mascot' so I tried to pick him up but it turns out he doesn't like being held so I help him tighter and he really didn't like that so I put him in my jacket and he's been fine ever since"- YN, being legit the most adorable human to ever walk this earth

Iwaizumi could never be mad at you so instead 👀

"Shittykawa why would you tell YN we needed a mascot"- Iwaizumi cannoning a ball at Oikaws

"Iwa-chan I didn't mean a feral cat- OUCH"- Oikawa, now laying face down

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Hey! I was wondering if you knew any fics where the crew’s actual animals, or spend most of the fic as animals. Something like “I Believe That I can Make You Scream” or “My Wolf”. Preferably either gen or Sterek fics, thanks!

here you go.

I Believe That I Can Make You Scream by astrugglingstoic

(2/2 I 2,652 I Mature)

Many say that wolves and foxes don't get along. There is always an exception to the rule.

The Fox & The Wolf by Dexterous_Sinistrous

(10/10 I 79,151 I Explicit I Sterek)

The war between the fox and wolf clans has raged for centuries, ignited in a time before anyone can remember. Now both clans—tired of the bloodshed and hate—are searching for a way to end the war.

Crowned prince Stiles Stilinski—heir to the fox clan—has agreed with his father to meet with the Hales, the ruling royal family over the wolf clan. Under the counseling of the Druids, both clans are presented with a solution to the war: unite the Stilinski and Hale clans through marriage. To quell their people's anger, both Stiles and Derek—eldest living Hale Alpha—are urged to accept the other as an equal; as their mate.

For the sake of their people, both houses make the ultimate sacrifice by choosing duty over love. But, out of what was first assumed to be compromised, quickly turns to be a better match than either could have hoped for. But not all is easy for either clan, as some members refuse to believe that the war could end so easily.

***

AU, Therapy Dog by kellifer_fic

(1/1 I 779 I General I Sterek)

Alright stop and imagine for a moment Derek Hale becoming a therapy dog (possibly by complete accident) for the children’s cancer ward at the hospital. Going in and cuddling with all the kids and taking their pain away while entertaining them.

Just picture it.

Little pitchers have big ears! by wanderseeing

(1/1 I 1,474 I General I Sterek)

When Scott asked him last night if Stiles could stay at Derek’s house while the rest of the pack went off to find the feral werefox that bit his best friend, Derek took one look at the tiny animal cradled in Scott’s arms and thought: ‘That’s cute.’

And then, because he’s a moron, he also opened his mouth and said: “Okay.”

AKA

I spent too much time watching videos of fennec foxes on youtube and I just had to make write a fic about it. Sterek is there, but only if you tilt you head at a 45-degree angle and squint really hard.

One Step Closer by Anrym

(4/4 I 3,247 I Teen I Sterek)

The wolf was huge. His reddish fur and his big, sharp fangs gave him a very frightening look.

Stiles was paralyzed. He watched as the wolf scented the air, making him growl deeper in his throat.

He could definitely smell another Alpha on Stiles.

I'm Hunting on the Night (We're Playing for the Fights) by PaddyWack

(1/1 I 6,137 I Teen I Sterek)

Stiles is the unfortunate wolf that gets into some trouble during his moon cycle. Derek is the hapless hunter that finds him.

Or, the one where Stiles steps in a bear trap and has to be rescued.

Therapy Dog by WolfMadeFromAsh

(2/2 I 15,637 I Not Rated I Sterek)

The Nogitsune may be gone, but the memories of what he's done is still very much here. Stiles is struggling to keep himself from going over the edge, unable to sleep or function properly. Panic attacks are a regular thing and all he's doing is worrying his dad. Opening up and talking could help, probably would help. He know this. But his best friends are still getting over a devastating loss, his dad is stress and exhausted from extra hours at work, and maybe Stiles feels like he deserves to suffer a little.

Except, there's a certain wolf who thinks other wise.

A wolf who, as it turns out, makes an exceptional therapy dog.

Finding Miracles by Survivah

(1/1 I 16,581 I Mature I Sterek)

Stiles was planning on just being a fox for his entire life. Then, well, magic, true love, blah blah blah, things got complicated. But as it turns out, he still has a lot to learn about this new world he's living in. Humanity, man. It's weird.

Stiles Stilinski and the Lupine Amulet by tresa_cho

(14/14 I 66,666 I Mature I Sterek)

A howl shredded the eerie calm around them and Stiles jerked. He whirled in place, trying to keep his hands on Scott’s wound while looking for the werewolf. When the creature didn’t reappear, Stiles forced his heart back into his chest. And then he saw a figure crest the ravine.

It wasn’t the werewolf. It was a wolf wolf. Legit, the largest, hugest wolf Stiles had ever seen in his life. Stiles dug his fingers into Scott’s skin as the wolf slipped down the ravine towards them. The bat was next to the fire, well out of reach, and Stiles didn’t have anything to defend himself with. Maybe if he held his breath and didn’t move, it wouldn’t see him-

[cinderspots]

MIA WINTERS AU [PT. 3]

[PT. 1] [PT. 2]

Included: Mia Winters, Rosemary Winters, Mother Miranda, Alcina Dimitrescu, Bela Dimitrescu, Cassandra Dimitrescu, Daniela Dimitrescu

So after they deal with Eva pulling a persephone, Miranda takes Mia to meet the danger bugs and Alcina.

Donna's :( but Mia promises to come back so it's all good

Rose now likes Angie even though shes feral af and tries to bite her

Anyways

They go over to the castle and Mia thinks over the last few months and finally comes back to the reason she was sent to Donnas

Haha killed the father of my child for my technical paramour.

And she works herself up all over again and Miranda is just as bad as she was at the start so shes hoping Danielas home

Or Bela

Bc let's be real Alcina and Cassandra are worse than Miranda when it comes to humans

So they show up and not even ten seconds in does Cassandra materialize and tackle Mia, thinking shes food

Miranda legit whacks her on the head like a dog

Its hilarious

The whole family arrives and Bela tilts her head and recognizes Mia somehow

And then Mia is like: Hiii I was married to the dude that tried to murder you all, what's your name?

Yeah that didnt go down well

Alcina was ten seconds from just chop chop, oopsies she ded

Miranda stepped in and like explained in much better terms than Mia and then everyone was happy

Sort of

Cassandra was banned from going within twenty feet of Mia so she was in a pissy mood

And Mia went out of her way to get as close as possible so she'd get yelled at

Bela realised this first and immediately liked Mia more for it

Cassandra just had middle child syndrome the entire time

Daniela was cracking up when she realized it

Eventually Alcina realized Mia was being a lil shit and just walked away so then Mia had to like

Run

Miranda was sitting with the kids like: ayo I dont know how to do this help

So then Alci babysat the kids for a while and immediately was like, I am the wine aunt, fight me on that I dare you

Nobody fought her on that

Eventually Mia just fuckin pulled a lil stunt

An easy one

Not at all worrisome

Look Mia's stupid in stressful situations

She jumped out a window

Miranda almost died when she saw that omfg she got so panicked-

Alci just stared in utter awe at her idiocy

Bela was mildly concerned

Cassandra was not

Cassandra was full ass cackling

It was great

I lied it wasnt

Mia had a broken leg and Miranda was livid with her for that

This headcannon turned to crack so quickly wth

Then Mia bonded with everyone

Alci with the I'm a mom and I would like sleep but that's never happening because LOOK AT MY CHILDREN

Bela over sciencey shit

Cassandra over the horrifying events in her life

She basically just told her about Lousiana and Cassandra just loved the pain

Daniela and her books

Mia hates Twilight because that series is garbage, but she reads it purely because she is out of ideas with Daniela

And then everyone is just like

So if your dating(??) our (grand)mother, then are you also our (grand)mother???

And that was a whole thing tbh

Mia banned the word grandmother and all its relative names

Miranda was secretly like thank me bc I hate that they apparently called me that

Shes still very narcissistic let's be real

And then Mia was just chilling

Then Rose made a vaguely violent gesture and horrifyingly Cassandra decided she was gonna teach her some skills

That was a whole nother thing

But Mia checked out and made Miranda stop her

So :p

[skymagpie]

Rank your favorite daedric princes from best to worst? At the top of my personal list is Peryite mostly because of those 2 cultists in Summerset who panic when you accept their offer to join their Peryite cult.

Actually those are the only valid cultists in the game, I hope we get to see them again in Blackwood because that legit made me cry laugh when I saw them appear in Summerset and then in Elsweyr too 😭

Okay but I think I more or less separate the Daedric Princes in two categories: Bad and Molag Bal. Everyone goes into Bad because they all suck, Molag Bal sucks so severely he gets his own category. If I had to rank them based on who I like for various reasons, from most liked to least, it would be something like this (also WARNING for various spoilers below):

1. Meridia - I think Meridia is actually pretty bad. Like she is against free will, she was fine with the Ayleid owning slaves and her purification is basically enslaving people by wiping their free will, dreams and desires and leaving them only serving her as they say "body and mind". She is 10/10 Bad. She is also a weird fav of mine because I would love to see her fail? I would love her to be the big bad villain in ESO because I love light-themed villains. Like with her entire fall from grace lore you can even argue she would be a tragic villain. I exist in this space of simultaneously loving and hating Meridia. I have OCs who are followers of hers and who hate her too. Like I really love villains who think they are good and serve the greater good and are saving humanity from itself but are actually very evil in doing so. Great concept. Want more Meridia content in general.

2. Azura - everyone that thinks the Tribunal sucks is my friend. I have nothing against the Tribunal, I love them in the same way I love Meridia. Also the moon and star theme is 10/10. I mean she looks like prime 2015 tumblr aesthetic with the flower crown and all. I don't know what she even does? She sounds like your shady aunt that definitely killed someone but would come pick you up from a club at 4 am. She should've ranked higher.

3. Nocturnal - NOCTURNAL USED TO RANK 1st! SHE USED TO BE MY FAV! SHE WAS MY FAV IN SKYRIM! She is down here because she killed one of my favourite characters in ESO and I can't forgive that. I love her Blackfeather Court, I love her Shrikes just being these naked topless feral women, I love her goth woods. She is a whole Nightwish song. And Nightwish is my fav band. Everything about her is made for me to stan her. But I just can't forgive her stupid Summerset arc. I hate it. She was good in CWC though.

4. Jyggalag - Now listen. I just really like light/order/"good" themed bad guys. Bad guys justifying being shitheads with doing "good" or bringing "order" or just looking like knights and paladins in shiny armor? Yes!

5. Sheogorath - I am basic okay, of course I like Sheo. And I really like what he has going on with Jyggalag. Like their whole 15th century knight and nobility act they have going on. Really great aesthetic. Love the Alice in Wonderland feel. Love the sexy lady warriors. It's that kind of wacky movie concept I can appreciate. Not a big fan of your character becoming Sheogorath, I feel like it's a huge burden to bear as good as that DLC is, kinda hate the outcome. I hate him in ESO and steal his stupid hammer in PvP.

6. Mephala - She sucks. But she is a huge sexy spider lady. I still think she sucks but I have an OC that has this love-hate relationship with her so I have to rank her up high like this.

7. Peryite - So far he has done nothing serious except having Zaan the Scalecaller serve him in ESO and I don't know about the other games but he is like a skinny dragon. And his followers are funny. Like some king of plague Timon and Pumba. So he gets a pass.

8. Clavicus Vile - Like a annoying little dude with his dog? It's funny, I give him that. I have a Clavicus Vile demi-prince in ESO actually, used to be a joke character but I am now serious. I think he is mostly harmless too, except for the whole Morrowind - Summerset thing but they kinda had it coming there.

9. Mehrunes Dagon - He sucks. He will cause me a lot of grief in this new ESO chapter. Generally evil demon guy. But-- them back muscles tho. 👀

10. Sanguine - His like Skyrim quest is funny and I like it. I don't know what he does actually? One of my friends used to have him in their url on here. I've been told he is as bad as Molag Bal, but I can't say I remember what specifically. So might reevaluate this.

11. Hermaeus Mora - Had to copy his name from the UESP. Anyway he is cool I guess, I love those knowledge type of bad guys. Though when it comes to floating eyes and knowledge, I do prefer Vel'koz from LoL. But still 11 is high ranking in my book.

12. Namira - Because one of my friends loves her. I don't know much about her so she really is getting ranked low here because I just don't know the lore. She seems to like the outcasts and the ugly and I fit right in there so that's pretty cool, someone will care for me. If she is recruiting I think I am qualified for the job.

13. Vaermina - I honestly mix her up with Namira and Boethiah. I thought they are the same till like few months ago. Anyway I don't know her but I will play the ESO Stormhaven quests soon and I heard she is the Daedric Prince of Nightmares so it might be fun!

14. Boethiah - I hate Dragonstar Arena. That's it. Sorry you are ranked this low because I hate farming that motherfuck-

15. Hircine - Yes I know. I am one of the rare people ranking him this low. People usually like Hircine. He seems to be pretty cool. Actually he isn't all that bad? He is one of the better daedra. You deal with him and you know what you are in for. I love werewolves. I just got really pissed off that he turned Vykosa in ESO into a werewolf against her will. I know Daedric Princes are like this, but I really like Vykosa and I have an OC who was turned by her experiments so in honor of my character, I rank him this low. He looks cool. Like Herne the Hunter. I like that.

16. Malacath - I will be honest I actually don't know anything about him. Orc lore isn't my forte. The orcs are mad about him so I guess he is their local town boy playing in the big leagues? I don't know, I am sorry I didn't rank you higher.

17. Molag Bal...I guess - I hate Bal. His voice in ESO is really good though, kudos to the voice actor. But I hate him. Who doesn't? Even if ESO tried to sugarcoat his shit he is still like an entirely different brand of evil from all the others. I would vibe with any Daedric Prince but him. I have a Xivkyn OC and he hates him too. -1/10 I hope he stays dad after I anime slashed him in ESO xoxo

[beerecordings]

ah fuck i’m still on the same Familiar au just let me get this out of my system

Jackie was definitely jealous as HELL when Marvin got like a free best friend from the universe (they were all like thirteen) and he bought himself a hamster from the store and he was like “this is MY familiar” and his name was No Ziggity and Marvin would get so annoyed when Jackie pretended he could talk to him the same way he talks to Chase

Chase is scared of dogs but he hates to admit that when he’s human so he’ll just be like hiding behind Marvin and laughing all nervous secretly hoping his master will get rid of it

but he wants to help JJ so when he’s around him he’s like a bundle of nerves but also trying so hard to be nice haha

Chase’s cat form was a kitten until he was like eighteen. Marvin had a kitten for like five years. it was the best and he is constantly sad that Chase grew up. “Why’d you have to get big Chaseyyyyy”

his legal name may or may not be Mouse Chaser

Jackie sends legit every cat meme he sees to Chase

Chase considers it part of his duties to be Marvin’s wingman. but Marvin was too embarrassed to come out to anyone except Chase til he was like. twenty. and Chase just wanted so badly to hit on guys for him but he COULDN’T

Chase is like “don’t worry bro i’m straight enough for the both of us lol” and Marvin is like “ARE YOU” and Chase just... *sweats*

Chase and Marv sleep in the same bed as a cat and a person and Marvin really can’t sleep without him. Even when Chase was with Stacy Marvin just got other cats to sleep with haha. but none of them understood English or brought Marv breakfast in the morning so :(

On that note, Chase is VERY jealous of other cats cuddling with Marvin. that is HIS spot, you fluffy bastard

Marvin gets a little jealous of Chase letting himself be pet by other people too hahaha but Chase can’t help it!! Jackie’s lap is so warm and cat brain really wants scratches!!!

Sometimes Chase forgets he can’t talk as a cat and he’ll just race into the living room like “you will not BELIEVE what I just saw on the news” and all Marvin and Jackie hear is “MeOOWW YOW YOW” and they’re just like *nods attentively*

on a similar note the longer Chase spends in cat form the more he acts like a cat and Marvin refuses to ever reprimand him so sometimes Jackie just has to scoop him up and put him in the laundry room until he agrees to turn into a very grumpy and disoriented adult man

Familiar JJ probably looks like this and he is a VERY good boy who spends so little time being human and has been in human society so little he’s a little bit genuinely feral when he is human but again VERY sweet good boy:

[amratsu]

alright these girls have haunted me for about a whole month now time to break it all down for anyone vaguely interested in them

hololive/vtuber 101 below the read more

THE FUCK IS HOLOLIVE?: An idol agency except all of its roughly 20 or so girls are youtube streamers who have their identity protected by a live2d avatar. They recently had a very fun live concert and all of them have or will have 3d models, but the majority of content is just them streaming whatever's their fancy at the time. (As of 2/17/2020 a lot of them play a lot of ARK, thank Coco for that) Therefore, they're part of the new form of niche culture called Vtuber.

THE FUCK IS A VTUBER?: Virtual youtubers. Like a normal streamer but, again, live2d portrait instead of their actual face. That's basically it. Content is about as varied as any other youtuber.

ALRIGHT, WHO WE GOT?: Hololive's split into OG Tokino Sora, the girls alongside her who are also primarily 3d, and then 'generations'. Just plug in their names and you'll find their channel easy. Again, variety differs between all the girls, but expect a lot of Nintendo games, chat streams, karaoke, and Minecraft across the board.

-Tokino Sora OG mom slash idol, debuted all the way back in 2017. Probably the only proper idol in all of Hololive. Warm, friendly, relaxing. She mostly does 3d variety streams and song debuts so she's hard to follow without advanced japanese.

-Roboco(-san) Pose happy killer robo with a notably smokey voice and calming demeanor. Plays a large amount of minecraft and first-person games in general; recent streams include ARK, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon remaster, Apex, and Fortnite.

-Sakura Miko ELIIIITE MLG miko idol with a tendency to swear a bit. High energy, fully embraced 'press f', gives herself sunglasses during streams, great friends with Pekora. Also notably into eroge. Did a full playthrough of Papers Please lately and is one of the most addicted to ARK (21 streams at around 4-5 hours each.)

1st Generation -Yozora Mel Sleepy vampire with the occasional killer instinct. Soothing, gentle, kind of lewd. Very much into nintendo games with Smash, Ring Fit, SwoSh, and Mario Kart being her latest content, but she's a little slower with the output. Part of the lewd blonde club with Aki, Haato, and Choco, who were demonetized until recently.

-Aki Rosenthal Cyber elf with detachable twin tails. Pretty similar to Mel in disposition, though less sleepy and more...I want to say 'fantastical'. Recently gained popularity due to her buck naked superhuman beefcake character in ARK, with Kerbal, Go Home, and some ASMR rounding out the rest of her content.

-Natsuiro Matsuri Eternal 17 year old cheerleader from the class next door, Matsuri is a high energy raging lesbian who's also a complete sweetie. Her infamous bandaid clip is what got a lot of western fans into Hololive. Plays a wide variety of games but also twitcasts at random times of the day like when she's in bed or in the bath, just to chat with her viewers about what's on her mind. Well loved.

-Akai Haato The ESL transfer student, girl next door, Haato is, well, exactly that. Commonly traveling for studies, Haato is a bubbly girl with a fine sense for aesthetics; you'll catch her making elaborate builds in Minecraft or playing visual novels during streams, along with a smattering of other games. Notable in that she's the only girl that'll do purely English streams, likely to help with her own education. Also kind of a baka.

2nd Generation -Minato Aqua Disaster masochist maid who's actually stupidly good at video games sometimes. She's both mischievous and hard working, massively popular in China, and, again, stupidly good at games. Soulsborne speedruns, PUBG, ARK (also one of the most addicted), Minecraft (seeing a pattern?), League if you catch her bilibili streams...but she's also the one who will spend a stream calling the other girls and asking them to bully her. Wild card gremlin.

-Murasaki Shion Genius mage who doesn't do a lot with her magic. Pretty well known for her 'neeeeeee', with a distinctly smug avatar/voice. Pretty good at games too, with a variety of Pokemon, retro games, Minecraft, Smash, horror, Mario Kart, etc. Excellent singing voice too, would recommend her covers.

-Yuzuki Choco The totally-not-a-succubus demon nurse at your highschool, Choco embodies :sweating:. Obviously she's lewd, but there's also a silly and petulant side to her that's fun to watch too. ASMR is her specialty. She's also, surprisingly, really into Dead By Daylight, so if that combination sounds fun to you hit her up.

-Oozora Subaru If Haato is the girl next door, Subaru's the bro next door. A very down to earth but energetic and sporty tomgirl, she recently spent three streams and sixteen hours on trying to take down Sans. Other recent things include Live A Live, The Witch's House, and GTA. Refreshingly easy to relate to compared to the other girls sometimes.

-Nakiri Ayame Hello, honored humans~ Hololive's millenium old oni. Has a peculiar way of speaking, especially in her pronouns, which lends a certain charm if you can got on board with it; happy go lucky, easy to like, and really cute on top of all that. Recently recovered from sickness (as of 2/26) so was the last to get on the Ark craze, she's actually very fond of multiplayer games as a way of 'getting to know mortals'. Apex Legends, Mario Kart, Splatoon, etc.

GAMERS: A sort of generation on its own, and also a kind of weird designation when all the girls game so frequently. Oh well!

-Shirakami Fubuki Fox. Not a cat. Super cheerful, makes a lot of weird noises that people turn into youtube poops (that she encourages), and also a helluva gamer. Plays plenty of battle royales, ARK, and of course Nintendo/Minecraft stuff. Infamous for her absolute feral hunter instincts in Project Winter, where she commonly massacres the entire map on her lonesome when she's the traitor.

-Ookami Mio Mom wolf who has to play tsukkomi (straightman) to basically all of Hololive sometimes. Which makes it all the more hilarious during her semi-common charisma breaks, like during Haato's recent English Exam stream. Has been into EDF, Pokemon, Ghost Trick, and Splatoon lately.

-Nekomata Okayu The sleepy smug cat with the most chill personality. Notably very, VERY close with Korone, and in general kind of a playboy in general. Never denies it or any of her myriad transgressions though. Her Mother 2 run has been fun recently, but really you could just tune into her frequent chat streams and relax that way.

-Inugami Korone Dog. An oddball who kind of just goes at her own pace, playing all sorts of weird games like Nyanpo (the pokemon prototype) and weird PS1 retro games. Shows a disturbingly violent side sometimes; her ongoing Blasphemous run and recent RE4 runs have shown how much she's into that kind of stuff. But also she's still a dog, so really don't worry.

Inonaka Music: -AZKi AZKi is closely associated with Hololive but is really more of her own thing, being even more idol than Sora is. Doesn't stream much if at all, has her own album out, does music collabs more than anything else, etc. Helluva singer though.

-Hoshimachi Suisei The vtuber idol who's totally not a psychopath, and totally a goddess at tetris. Like Fubuki, made a name for herself with her psychotic rampages in Project Winter, and also very much unfazed by horror games. Really fucking good at tetris too, doing 98v1 streams lately in Tetris 99, and a godly songstress too. Her karaoke streams are to die for.

3rd Generation: Also known as Hololive Fantasy. These girls are particularly close to each other. If you can find translated clips, I definitely recommend their host club streams where they compete in seducing other Vtubers. (Yes. That's serious)

-Usada Pekora AH^HA^HA^. You'd think she was a cute rabbit, but no! It's a Tewi level shitposter combined with some legit video game skills. She likes playing the heel deliberately just for shits and giggles, like when she nearly walked off with Miko's Nether Star. She's in fact very close to Miko, their relationship being both great friends and great rivals. Definitely one of the most addicted to ARK too; she's been making headway in conquering the ocean.

-Shiranui Flare Handsome half-elf archer, Flare's the designated tsukkomi of the third generation. She's definitely the most down to earth of them, charismatic to boot, and does as she pleases with a relaxed personality and husky, smokey voice. Very very VERY close to Noel. You'll find some really fun playthroughs of various action games like Dark Souls, Bayonetta, and Sekiro on her channel, and thanks to her picking up game mechanics fast they're fun to watch for anyone.

-Shirogane Noel Knight Captain of the Shirogane Knights, Noel's...kind of an airhead, actually. But she's definitely a pleasant, softspoken sort of person who's incredibly relaxing to listen to. Also a big eater, you'll hear her talk about beef bowls and muscles a lot. Just try not to stare too much at her 'pectorals.' As mentioned, VERY close to Flare (they just had a two day long date to a ryokan). Plays whatever with no focus in particular.

-Uruha Rushia The cute, soft, innocent apprentice necromancer, Rushia occasionally comes out of the gates roaring with rage filled screams before chilling out. An absolute cutie though, who loves her fans very much (though really every Hololive member does), her attempts to be cool and reliable lend to some great comedy. She's got a great singing voice if you can find one of her bilibili streams, and otherwise plays a wide variety of things.

-Houshou Marine A~hoy~. The completely safe for work, modern, not-cosplay eternal 17 pirate...and everything I just said was a lie. Most of it anyways. Marine's a riot of a lady with an incredibly dirty mind and dirtier motor mouth, great voice acting ability, and knack for art that she'll happily show off (among other things). Definitely one of my favorites, you'll find plenty of chat and art content on her channel, along with some of the most Ark addiction and a full array of Touhou game playthroughs.

4th Generation: Hololive's newest five girls, it's been a month and change since they debuted. They're notable for working together on some of the most wild content Hololive's put out so far, all helmed by a certain dragon. But we'll get to that.

-Tokoyami Towa The little devil that does whatever she wants, Towa's known for a couple of other things at this point: refreshingly honest personality, Pokemon playthroughs with an eclectic choice in team comp, and her charmingly atypical tomboy voice (though her mic's not amazing). Great singer, super funny if you can find the rare translated clip of her, and was an absolute menace at the recent Hololive werewolf/mafia game. How she managed to fake being a Seer from day one and nearly win, I'll never know.

-Tsunomaki Watame Hololive's bouncy sheep. Ram? Something like that. A very girly, friendly, lightly ara-ara personality, she's an honest and open with her feelings sort of girl. Earnest laughter at chat and games, real emotional tears while watching the live concert with her generation mates, Watame's a total sweetheart who streams a bit of music everyday as the pre-show to Coco's Morning Shitposts (official name). She's also gotten very close to her senpais in some regards...but above all she likes singing, chilling out in Minecraft, and recently playing through a couple Kirby games.

-Himemori Luna If you want to see a completely innocent cinnamon roll looking character say things like 'ass' and 'don't f*cking take crystal m*th', Luna's your gal. Her high pitched, almost childlike voice takes a bit of getting used to but she's a sweetheart that just has fun no matter what she's doing. But she'll also say a bunch of really funny shit while doing it just from sheer juxtaposition of her voice/appearance and the vocabulary. Surprisingly good at video games too.

-Amane Kanata PP Tenshi. Perfect Pitch, Powerpoint...Kanata's a bit of a sheltered honor student sort of girl who has an incredible vocal range, so much you'd be forgiven for thinking she was a professional voice actor or singer. She loves playing along with jokes even if she doesn't get them some times, and is really close with Coco. If not for said dragon she'd be the biggest memelord in the 4th generation, but alas; her channel has lots of collabs with fellow members and a series of cute 'research' videos on the various generations of Hololive. Unfortunately untranslated though.

-Kiryuu Coco The one, the only, the President of Nishinari herself, Coco has been a force of nature since she debuted. Her vulgar sense of humor, rapid fire jokester nature, fluent English speaking, and complete conversion of Hololive to the wonders of dinosaur taming in Ark has made her one of the most subscribed girls in a matter of weeks. Every day at 6am JST or 1pm PST, she does a quick 20 minute gig called Coco News (officially translated as Coco's Morning Shitpost) where she reports on the various ongoings in Hololive. This ingeniously brings attention to the silly crap everyone's been up to, really fostering a sense of community between the girls you don't see elsewhere, while also being a riot to watch as she roasts everyone for their silliness (with full permission). Other notable memes include her stalwart boycotting of Nintendo Switches, her desire to fund a Hololive house, and her recent Hitman 2 run.

[fandom-will-be-my-fall]

Spill your heart out about Walter.

Okay so I basically got this question in what, January?? but I’m answering it now since I just rewatched the movie and have inspiration, sorry for the late reply Anon

Okay so, to start off this post with some keyboard smashing because that my primary go-to for expressing my emotions

sgklhfsgjksdlgdghkjlgjhOHUFLUSKHDGSLIDRGKJGKFSDHGlhjglksdhkglshglllllfa. knjcthxiudhusmnvsoidhéytbvonjyxclkkvbr. haeylicfvshdkgikc

HANDSOME BOY. HANDSOME. ‘NUFF SAID.

I could legit stare all day at his beautiful face… look at him. Enchanting sky blue eyes… fluffy, wavy brown hair, cute round cheeks, lovely smile… those hidden freckles that you can hardly spot and only in certain screenshots but nevertheless they’re there to raise the cuteness factor… ALSO HIS LASHES. MAYBE IT’S NATURAL?? MAYBE IT’S MAYBELLINE?? WE SHALL NEVER KNOW

Here you may be able to spot the freckles if you squint hard enough. I have 77 screenshots but this is the best example I could find.

Secondly… well, he’s a sticc. A short sticc at that (though still slightly taller than me bc I’m smol), but a sticc regardless! And that seems to be the most attractive cartoon body type for me. Don’t judge me, I just have a thing for twinks, I’m… twinksexual or whatever.

Look at him! He would fit through my doorcrack.

(Maaaybe the reason for me liking sticcs so much is partially the fact that I like the idea of a boyfriend I can protect and support, physically and emotionally. I’m mad at the universe for not letting me scoop him up in my arms bridal style and smooch the HECK outta him.)

I’ve encountered a few posts that claimed he’s got cake but, come on. That concept has canonically been proven to be false, even by Lance. This man is flat and you can pry this opinion off my cold, dead hands.

Speaking of hands! I like his big ol hands. Nice shape. They look soft. I wanna hold them.

According to a DVD commentary, and the visual facts, he has no shoulders whatsoever. Back in Venice Killian was able to restrain him effortlessly with only one foot on his chest, even as he kept struggling ans squirming and generally put in as much effort as he possibly could. Before then, he claimed the database was the first thing he has ever caught in his life.

Conclusion, our boi’s very much NOT athletic. Which makes sense for a scientist, braining all day and stuff, and because he probably barely even eats, or sleeps which are by the way both pretty concerning implications but anyway.

STOP BEATING UP THIS POOR FRAGILE LAD FOR GOD’S SAKE. Makes me want to protect him even more. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but you get what I mean.

Now, on to the actual reason I’m so head over heels for him, a.k.a his personality.

He is one of the sweetest, kindest, purest boy characters I have ever seen in fiction, if not THE number one himself. (All my other cinnamon roll crushes are, or have been a villain at some point and WILL resort to violence if provoked.) Look at him, his pacifism… is unbreakable. He’s dead set on making the world a better place, by peaceful ways, and helping humanity. If that’s not a quality to be cherished then IDK what is.

And he’s just such a refreshing character. He likes pink, K-dramas, glitter, kittens, things that aren’t traditionally “masculine” (but is never made fun of those things in particular in the movie) and I love that. Nothing’s sexier than a man who’s, despite society’s shitty standards, openly and unashamedly himself!

His femininity is, if anything, just another turn-on. (This didn’t intend to sound sexual… but oh well.) I love his little hand gestures and mannerisms, dorky ramblings, the way he says “yep” popping the “p” at the end, all the small yet significant traits that were incorporated into his character. Bless you, SiD creators, bless you.

Have I said that he’s a genius?? Which is pretty obvious but c’mon, he graduated at 15!! He can modify human genes!! He successfully turned a man into a pigeon on the first try!! (The serum wasn’t the first prototype but we can assume he didn’t experiment on living humans with the previous ones.) And he’s still just 20!! Like what is that if not hella fucking impressive???!??

His inventions, to the untrained eye, may seem “stupid” or “childish” but alas! The observer couldn’t be more wrong! Because despite the odd designs and themes they’re all highly effective, as we have witnessed in the battle against Killian. And he is extremely creative for coming up with such ideas! Told you he’s brilliant!!

Which makes me all the sadder about how much they underappreciated him at the agency. In his words, nobody ever listened to him, or gave him a chance. They just left him and his “weird” ideas next to the men’s bathroom and called it a day. How could they be so blind? Didn’t they see the potential in his inventions? Oh well. Maybe I’m just being a smartass bc I have more knowledge, living outside that universe. But I’m totally right.

And I was honestly ready to throw hands with Lance for hurting the boi even further. (I’d stand no chance whatsoever, but still.)

Oh no baby please don’t cry.

He did cry in that scene though… you could see a tear rolling down his cheek and if it wasn’t for the machine beeping… He did have a pretty rough day afterall. But HEY, if we dwell on it too much the scene loses its comedic effect!! A guy gets sad over a stupid soap opera, har har har!! Now let’s move on, keep it fast and snappy for the kids, don’t let them overthink it!! Can’t have any emotional breakdowns onscreen. Keep it lighthearted y’know. Then let’s kill a random side character and have our dear protagonist almost die twice.

(Well jokes on you Blue Sky! I’m no kid, but a devoted fangirl who can and will overthink any material of my fictional faves at any given opportunity.)

You know what else I love about him though?? His love for animals!! And pigeons, especially Lovey!! He loves her so much, gives her gluten free breadcrumbs, nuzzles her, the first thing he does when he finds out Lance can talk to the pigeons is ask if she loves him too!! Like… That’s so pure and wholesome.

This here. THIS RIGHT HERE. BROTP forever.

(Not gonna lie, I used to be crazy for pigeons for like, an entire year or something. Not as in looking up all the facts there are about pigeons as I do nowadays with cartoons, but I’d feed them regularly and write my little observations on their behaviors. Did you know they sometimes scratch their neck with their leggies like dogs do?)

I think I’ve summed up mostly everything I love about this nerd. Oh wait, almost forgot the sass!! I love how sassy and smug he can be sometimes, in like, a really harmless way but it’s still a very nice characteristic.

Since I’ve ran out of coherent things to say, here’s an incomplete list of things I want to do to Walter Beckett. Put at the end of this post so those of you who were only here for the analysis part and not the selfshippy gushing don’t have to read further:

kiss he

like seriously

just kiss he a whole lot

cover his whole face in kisses

one kiss for each of his freckles. a finishing kiss onto the tip of his nose. then repeat the cycle

hug him. hug him like the world is ending. hug him so tight he can barely breathe

then ofc let go and apologize bc I would never hurt him on purpose

cuddle him

hold him close, let him lay his head on my chest

run my fingers through his hair

listen to his breathing

discover that he’s fallen asleep on me and smile fondly, then soon drift off to sleep myself so we can wake up entangled in eachother the next morning

fuck he

pin him to a wall and snog he

make him go cherry red

fluster he

compliment him. praise him. appreciate him. he’s a prince, a hero, an angel, a wonderful human being and he needs to know this

feed pigeons together

listen to his scientific ramblings and bird facts

write him love letters and give them to him. maybe read it aloud myself if I’m feeling brave so I can see his reaction in real time

serenade he

be the love of his life, and have him be mine

just… soft things, man

cook something for this malnourished sticc

make him small handmade gifts

they’re nothing like his gadgets but I tried

draw he

have him be my muse in general

not like he isn’t now but it would be lovely if he was real too

carry him bridal style

be the feral cryptid that lurks in his house when he isn’t around

sing along to cheesy pop-song together really badly

watch cheesy rom coms

flirt with eachother clumsily until we’re both laughing at our awkwardness

or, alternatively, shower him with compliments until he literally cannot handle it

have sleepovers together

give him hand kisses

be of emotional support

[simptasia]

lost characters based solely on how i portray them in my text post memes

jack: constantly crying and/or screaming. no emotional stability. no social skills. terrible bedside manner. endearingly bland. into powerful women. loves the red sox... a lot. daddy issues. doesn’t believe in himself. has shitty tattoos. being crushed under the weight of everybody’s expectations. more or less hot. he is not cool at all. repressed attraction to guys. chronic hero syndrome. adorably embarrassing as a dad. passionately and violently overreacts to the mere concept of people believing in things. mansplains but in a non malicious way because he is literally that oblivious. gets into fights a lot. dissociates in mirrors. gets injured a lot but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. thinking about caves

kate: desperate need to protect women. bi. is frustrated by jack and sawyer’s personalities but wants to fuck them oh so much. rowdy. feminist. biceps. will call you out. is love with claire and jack and sun and- she has a lot of love to give. she can be ur angel or ur devil. exasperated. doesn’t understand astrology but she’s trying. she’s the slytherin friend every hufflepuff needs. uses guns. doesn’t know how to cook. go to relationship advice is “dump him” or “suck his dick”.  just because you put things in her vagina doesn’t mean you know her. gemini

hurley: sad clown. haha laughter! hiding real pain! has debilitating mental illness. he’s doing his best to stay positive. virgin. genuinely kind soul. overwhelmed by food. awkward around girls he likes. much smarter and wiser than anybody thinks, including himself. a special boy who we all love. says dude a lot. the only valid rich person ever. doesn’t like himself. sees dead people. kinda silly. also he’s fat (but i don’t joke about it in a cruel way)

sawyer: compulsive need to nickname people. from the south. bewildered by charlie’s english slang. covering up vulnerability with jokes and being mean. loves juliet. is an asshole but a loveable asshole (this varies, mostly he’s an asshole). conventionally attractive to the point of boring. got a Thing going on with miles. can’t stand daniel being smart around him. babies freak him out. treats animals poorly

locke: very supportive and new agey type. i’ve made two jokes about him encouraging people to jack off, that wasn’t on purpose but Okay. he doesn’t know what its like to have friends. he says Deep Sounding but odd things. he’s super duper into nature. he suffers. he’s very forgiving of ben to the point of absurdity and he desperately wants ben to love and fuck him. or maybe they are fucking. Who Knows. he loves knifes

sayid: sexy, suffering shannon fucker. he doesn’t respect boone. his life is an endless parade of misery culminating in going on autopilot. respects women

jin: he has no idea what’s going on and his life revolves around sun

sun: beautiful. perfect. very passionate about gardening

claire: bi. frequently ignored. cutesy and sweet. super into astrology and new age stuff. her cheery demeanour can only hold on so long before she loses it. kinda dumb. has baby. vanilla, at least for now. loves charlie but is kinda frustrated by him. goes feral and “kitten thinks of murder all day” sums it up

charlie: that he needs attention and validation to survive would be a gross understatement. bi. trans. punk. stupid. english. really horny and slutty. adores music more than anything. drug addict (again, i refuse to be cruel). severe jealousy issues. inferiority superiority complex. hates himself but will get offended if you hate him. can’t take any form of criticism. is bewildered by sawyer’s american-isms. bit of a madonna whore complex. smol but will go the fuck off like a terrier nipping at ya heels. catholic and riddled with catholic guilt. goofy and obnoxious and he knows it. passive aggressive. terrified of bees. nice ass. mood swings. did i mention he’s short? anyway here’s wonderwall

ben: ugly. just plain terrible. beaten and bruised. seething with rage and pain on the inside. virgin. liar. just causes problems on purpose. resembles a lemur or rat, rodents in general. loves bunnies. doesn’t think sex is real. just a really bad idea for him to be around juliet. has no friends. doesn’t care about other people. says creepy shit just because. he knows he’s a terrible person. killed people. the friend nobody likes and a general nuisance to the other characters

(also my literal first text post meme about ben was a joke about him eating his parents??? 2014 sapphire, i wanna talk...)

juliet: mom friend. seems very calm but she’s screaming on the inside. basically she’s the This Is Fine meme. depressed. has big tits. low-key kinky. feminist in a very gentle way. has no ill will towards kate and will only fight her for fun. concerned for daniel’s well being. has no chemistry with jack. loves sawyer. flat measured calm way of speaking. she’s breaking apart at the seams but will offer you a nice glass of water :)))

michael: has a son..... uh...... enjoys minecraft?

(i’m sorry)

desmond: scottish. drinks. easily and constantly confused. magic psychic time powers, like visions and electromagnetic dimensional stuff. easily angered. fucked off by the concept of time and destiny in general. hhhhhhhot

smokey: Hello Fellow Humans I Promise This Is My Own Skin Haha

miles: bi. aro. loves money (trying to fill the hole in his heart with money and things). emo/punk. pretends not to care but he really does care. thinks emotions and romance are dumb but of course is emotional... and kinda wants love. but not that he LIKES you or anything. exasperated. thinks everybody else is weird. kinda slutty or at least trying to be. masochist and into BDSM. mean to daniel for no reason. daddy issues. resting bitch face. jaded, bitter and salty. responds to romantic things dan or char say with vulgar or mocking comments. grew up poor. can hear dead people. trying too hard to be edgy. deadpan snarker. Fuck Off I’m Not Sad Don’t Look At Me [cries only around the audience and his mom]

walt: becoming older than 10 was when things went downhill for him

shannon: seems vapid but is more than that. deeply insecure. feels she can’t do anything right. constantly put down as worthless by other people. yeah she’s sad but she Looks Great. wants sayid to pound her (mood)

(gee, that was dark)

richard: very old and ageless. sees ben as a son figure. really not holding it together. seems smart but he has no fucking idea whats going on. cult mindset. quips curtly back at miles’ vulgar jokes. in love with miles based on very little interaction. misses his dead wife. has a cute giggle. is also hot. overwhelmed and just wants to go into the jungle and scream

frank: doesn’t understand what anybody is talking about. the only normal person here. doesn’t understand these kids today with their weird kinks. just wants to sleep. pilot. bit of a conspiracy theorist

boone: bi. stupid. soaked in blood a lot.  (L I T E R A L L Y all of my boone jokes are about him being dumb and bi and horribly injured and combos of those. i haven’t even made any incest jokes! what the actual fuck)

ana lucia: “[with tears in her eyes] DO U WANNA FIGHT??”. highly volatile. lesbian. bros with jack but will roast him. angery, sad and underloved

daniel: bi, agender, neurodivergent, just, just especially brain weird. The Scientist trope but kind of a shitty scientist. smart. in love with charlotte. in love with desmond. likes rats a lot. talks weird and soft spoken. withdrawn and polite but with bursts of bitterness. his mom won’t let him live the live he wants to live. time travel weirdness. loves music. gifted kid burn out. has a mental and emotional collapse. thinks a hydrogen bomb will solve all his problems. skinny. touches people a lot. he’s not okay. romantic. overwhelmed. memory problems. his lack of life experience and softness is used to contrast miles. takes some statements literally. pretty vanilla (for now) and doesn’t know what certain kinks are. likes that charlotte is Tough & Rowdy. doesn’t swear much. bad hair. was unhinged in college. has radiation poisoning

libby: neurodivergent and in love with hurley

eko: yeah... i’ve legit only used him for jokes where charlie says something EXTREMELY vulgar and eko says “go to church”

charlotte: bi, loud, passionate, beautiful, angery, knows All The Languages, huge nerd, loves daniel and thinks he’s a Snack, outspoken feminist, archaeologist/anthropologist and wants to explore some fucking ruins, The Lost Lenore trope, loves chocolate, exasperated, great smile, subtly insecure, doesn’t get that she could just tell daniel how she feels, has had many indiana jones like adventures (off screen, of course), for example: crashing her dirtbike into all 7 wonders of the world

danielle: french and unhinged, has seen some shit

alex: just a young lady with no chill

jacob: suffers from terminal apathy. has little understand of human behaviour. doesn’t care about people. he just plain sucks. has no endearing qualities. causes many problems. beats the shit outta richard. doesn’t like technology. so removed from humanity that he’s a touch uncanny valley

christian, eloise, charles and anthony jokes each have their own kind of flavours but fuck it, i’ll sum them all up as: contemptuous cunts who deserve to die

aaron: just a baby boy. does baby things. has like 5 parents

vincent: a dog. a good boy. does he know more than he lets on? is he mysterious? no, he is just a dog

[xenoredux]

The Legend of Silver Fang - Episode 4: The Gang Wars

If you haven’t read episode 3 yet, you can do so here.

As mentioned before, the major story beats and overarching plot are the same. This is written under the supposition that, in fantasy land, this is a mini series with episodes that run about 2 hours in length each.

Some things to be aware of going in:

This story is violent as shit!!! CONTENT WARNING FOR: Animal injuries, animal death, drowning, cannibalism, disembowelment, illness via poisoning, and other bloody Epic Bruh Moments. Maybe don’t read ahead if dead animals upset you

I was trying to achieve a decent adaptation that combines the strongest elements of the anime and manga. It will not be precisely like either and will occasionally totally deviate from both

This isn’t meant to be “better” then the canon. It’s just the way I’d go about rewriting the Akakabuto arc if I had that level of ungodly power lol

Character designs made to represent several mentioned characters can be found here, here, here, here, and here. Others will be left up to the reader’s interpretation. A link to the next episode will also be provided at the end. If a link isn’t available, the next episode just hasn’t been posted yet!

YES THIS IS THE ONE WITH THE NINJAS IN IT

The first, second, and third platoons are heading to Kasumi Dake. It's an admittedly creepy part of their road trip. The mountain is as misty as its name implies, as is the surrounding, half-dead forest.

To make matters worse/spookier, the once pale blue sky has turned a garish grey, and thunder rumbles as it begins to rain. The Kai Bros confirm they're on the right trail to the mountain, so none of the more crybabyish among them (lookin' at you, Hyena) have an excuse to leave.

Still, it'll be harder to deal with this matter during a storm, so the army huddles together under a rock overhang, being afforded just enough room to keep out of the weather's way. The Kai Bros detail how much of a bullheaded pig Moss is as everyone listens. Akatora says that Old Fattycakes has been trying to cagoule he and his brothers into joining his dogmafia for legit years now, and he just gets madder every time they tell him to get lost.

Unexpectedly, Ben gives a heaping helping of benefit-of-the-doubt to this crimelord, insisting that he's got to have something going for him if he has a huge pack. At the very least he must hold a belief his followers share. Nobody can hazard a guess as to what such an ideology could be, but it gets the dogs thinking.

Cross says this means they should try to handle the situation peacefully if they can, only launching a full blown takedown if Moss proves he's just your run-of-the-mill dictator. The Kai Bros aren't happy to hear the army might go soft on Moss, but they don't complain.

A moment later, Hyena begins to slink away from camp. Great asks where he's going and the Weimeranar twitches, says he needs to take a leak. Hyena says he could always stay under the rock, though he's not sure if he'll be able to keep from wetting himself much longer, and Great is so icked out that he all but tells Hyena in an Italian accent that it's time to take a piss.

Hyena snorts and tells the crew to keep an eye on the group's baby as he might wet himself instead, and he's already gone by the time Gin realizes he was being picked on by a nerd twice his age.

Smith laughs and tells Gin not to take anything Hyena does to heart. He's always been a wormy little guy. That's probably why he falls in behind Sniper so easily. He doesn't have the balls to pull any nasty tricks without his German Nanny around. Gin laughs and tugs on Smith's ear appreciatively.

It would seem as if Smith doesn't know Hyena as well as he thinks, though, because Hyena, though he did stop to pee, is up to some nasty business indeed. He's wandered into the forest, howling gingerly to attract the locals' attention.

He garners a response as a booming, gravely voice tells him to either state his business or get the fuck off his lawn. Several dogs who exude the same energy as smoking bikers with sleeve tattoos encircle him, cornering him against a boulder. As Hyena hyperventilates, he looks up top the boulder and shrieks.

Hyena's gaze meets with that of the biggest, heaviest dog he's ever seen. Shorter then Ben but with twice his body weight, the animal is a hulking English Mastiff mix with a spiked collar and, curiously, a coat mottled with zipper scars from stitches long since healed.

Beside the dog are two others; like bookends, they stand beside him, the leftmost looking like a slender, younger clone of the absolute unit of a dog and the rightmost being a Siberian Husky. There's no doubt about who the big guy is: Kasumi Dake's own godfather, Moss.

Miles and miles away, Hidetoshi leaves the hospital to head to a board meeting. Outside of the hospital, Daisuke is standing in the rain with a colorful, cartoon character clad umbrella. Hidetoshi tells Daisuke he should go home, Gohei's asleep and it's past visitation hours. Daisuke shakes his head and looks at John. The dog tries to follow Hidetoshi into his car but is gently pushed away.

Before Hidetoshi drives off, he gives Daisuke a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry about Gin's disappearance," he says. "We'll find him someday, I promise you that." Before Daisuke can respond, the good doctor has already put peddle to metal.

Daisuke sulks and begins to walk home, seemingly lost in thought. John sighs melodramatically as he wanders through a pet door into Hidetoshi's office. The shepherd's eyes float across the photos adorning the walls, each one reigniting a memory of bloody exploits past. John scoffs about how Hidetoshi - and most of the men in the village, for that matter - have given up hunting, which just goes to show how much of a pack of quitters humans are.

His mind wanders to Gin. He's been thinking of the Akita more and more these days, mulling over their last exchange. If he's to be perfectly honest, John's gotta admit that he's fearful for his sorta-friend's wellbeing.

Enough is enough. All inaction and no killing makes John a dull boy, so it's time to return to the mountains. He'll kill three birds with one stone: make sure Gin is okay, return him to Daisuke (by force if necessary), and maybe kill a tyrannical bear or two if he has time for it. John smugly grins at his totally foolproof plan as he runs out. It's time to become the village hero. It's time to actually make a difference.

The rain finally lets up. Back under the rock the dogs are coming to realize this, and so they begin leaving their resting place. Akatora reminds Ben once more that he and his bros are, like, SUPER willing to kill Moss if he doesn't listen to reason, to which Ben, with his most fatherly of smiles, tells them to start chillin' with the killin'.

But before anyone does anything, Gin points out that Hyena never came back from his pee break. Ben heaves an exasperated sigh. Gin gathers this isn't the first time Hyena's pulled some dumb, inconvenient shit.

Smith mutters about "that goddamn idiot" under his breath before saying he'll do the honors of finding the lost complaint factory. Having begun to strike up a friendship with Smith, Gin channels his inner five year old and excitedly asks Ben if he can go with.

Ben allows the boy he's essentially adopted to run off with his friend and the two young dogs scampering off. Ben chuckles and says dogs Gin's age always need a reason to keep moving. A moment later the group departs.

Meanwhile, Hyena has been filling Moss's head with both disgustingly transparent flattery and heinous lies. The story the little traitor's come up with goes something like this: he's a feral dog living with a nomadic pack run by a dude called Ben. The pack has recently encountered the infamous Kai Ken Short Kings who've tricked Ben into thinking Moss was seeking to destroy all competing packs. This has led to Ben waging war on Kasumi Dake. Poor Ben is just too stupid and smelly to know any better, but he's powerful and dangerous to trifle with nevertheless.

Moss smells a rat - possibly a large, grey, snively one - but he allows Hyena to leave his territory unharmed. He turns to the Mini-Moss at his side and asks what he thinks of the situation, addressing him as Jaguar.

Jaguar is Moss's son from a litter wherein he was the only survivor. He's only 2 years old, just a touch older then Gin is. The youngster puts on a bold face and says that he doesn't believe any pack's leader would buckle to three dogs he dwarfs just to start a random war. Moss agrees, saying that the Kai Bros are too up their own asses to recruit assistants anyway.

That said, the husky at his side, Lloyd, still believes caution should be taken. The little wormy guy might've been lying about the Kai Bros, somehow having discovered their beef with Moss, but there's no saying a large pack of feral dogs couldn't be seeking to do them harm.

Moss decides to send two of his men to spy on the pack and learn more about its intentions. In a parallel to Gin's departure with Smith, Jaguar asks if he and Lloyd may do said spying, his desire being to prove himself to his old man. Moss agrees so long as his son keeps himself safe, and he proudly watches the two slink off into the forest.

Elsewhere, Gin and Smith are trying and failing to find Hyena. Smith's getting increasingly annoyed at the little bugger, cursing and complaining about the inconvenience. Suddenly, both he and Gin smell something coming. It's not Hyena, but someone else. Two other someone elses, in fact. The two run and hide somewhere they won't be spotted to watch their new company.

As Gin and Smith sit atop a rocky ledge, two unfamiliar dogs run by. Smith hazards a guess that they're two of Moss's men as and the two strangers come to a stop. Gin and Smith gasp - Hyena is standing in the strangers' way! Moss's dudes ask what Hyena's still piddlefarting around here for when, in a shocking display of effort, Hyena lashes out and bites the Mastiff in the neck.

Gin and Smith can barely contain themselves - what the hell is this idiot doing?! He's going to get everyone in trouble! Gin can't stand by and let this happen. He's about to spring into action but stops when he notices a dark shadow descending on the group.

The shadow is from an illusive cling-on the pack hadn't realized was following them: General Sniper! The Doberman dives onto Lloyd, landing the perfect blow and snapping the Husky's neck on impact. Lloyd dies instantly, his body tumbling to the ground. Sniper gives a wildly cliche evil laugh. He turns to a confused Jaguar as the Mastiff punts Hyena aside.

Jaguar runs to Lloyd's side and starts shaking him in an effort to revive him. Sniper just guffaws and tells Moss's precious son that his death is necessary for the cause. That cause being, of course, a war between Moss and Ben's packs, a war which will hopefully lead to Ben's demise. He punctuates his insidious plan by slashing open Jaguar's left shoulder, sending the inexperienced dog rolling in the dirt.

Meanwhile, on the cusp of the village, Daisuke is looking around the forest, bow clutched in hand. He's calling Gin's name and murmuring about how his dog had had a strange fascination with the feral pack in the area. Could Gin have come out here? And Daisuke had thought the rain had let up, what is this sticky substance dripping onto his shoulder?

The child turns to see he's being overlooked by a bigass bear with a set of hugeass teeth. As he screams bloody murder, the bear begins climbing down towards him. The animal roars hideously at Daisuke as it approaches.

While Daisuke cowers and falls on his ass, the shadow of a dog passes over him and snags hold of the animal's muzzle. It's John, heroically putting the kibosh on his departure so he can save the shrieking boychild.

Back at Kasumi Dake, Gin's had enough. He leaps down from his hiding place and bops Sniper upside the head, smacking him just far away enough to distance him from Jaguar. Smith joins Gin while the brindle scolds Sniper for his heinous deed, fully planning to follow his chiding up with an asskicking.

Smith joins in the Sniper-bashing bonanza by spitting in Sniper's face and telling him he can pull whatever bullshit he wants, he'll never overpower Ben. Hyena tries to intrude and save/stroke Sniper's ego, but Smith just chases him away, offering him a hearty whooping for his treason. Distracted by the injustice taking place, nobody notices as a bleeding Jaguar limps off.

Sniper, flustered with his failure to assassinate the canine equivalent of a 19 year old, throws himself headlong into Gin, ready to rip him to pieces. He's Too Slow, though, and Gin leaps into a nearby tree out of his reach.

A look of fear flashes in Sniper's eyes. He's not afraid of Gin killing him, but instead of his physical prowess. The Boss is also capable of vertical leaping and other anime asspulls. This convinces Sniper once and for all that Gin truly is the Boss's kid. Aight! All the more reason to kill the kid.

"Do you know why they call me Sniper?" he calls up as Gin readies to leap down. "Snipers are known for their accuracy. They never miss." Gin lunges down at the Doberman. Sniper bares his razor sharp fangs. "I never miss."

Gin realizes he's about to be assblasted by the general's teef, so he does a barrel roll in midair fast enough to dodge Sniper's fangs but not his force. He's sent backwards, colliding with a tree and having the wind knocked out of him.

As he struggles to get up, Sniper looms over him and steps on his head. Mr. S begins sadistically cooing at the young dog, promising him he'll bury Gin and Ben alongside each other when they're both dead.

But there's several episodes left for me to write, so of course Smith comes back and boots Sniper out of the way just in time to save Gin's life. A bloodied, battered Hyena follows behind Smith, but he's useless to help his boss now. Smith grabs Gin, flings him onto his back, and, with great effort, runs away. Sniper and his now worthless henchman give chase, hollering about how the two should've been more obedient to their superior. The Spaniel just bails, desperate to get away.

Perhaps too desperate, because he's unable to stop when he realizes he's run into the edge of a cliff. He screams as he and a barely lucid Gin fly over the edge, both of them dropping into the stream below. Sniper and Hyena watch wordlessly as the soldiers disappear from sight.

As the dogs duke it out, Daisuke is still cowering and John is still bear wrastling. Problem is that John overestimated himself. Without an armed human at his back, bears are like twice as hard to kill now. The shepherd tries his best to keep pace with the bear, but he's getting more and more tired by the second. He quickly begins to realize he can't save Daisuke despite his promise to Gin. His eyes sting with tears of desperation.

Just before the bear is about to abandon the puny pooch and start chomping on the child, an ominous howl is heard.

The dog, the bear, and that kid over there gaze up as a muscular, heavily scarred dog leaps to Daisuke's side. Daisuke takes one look at the dog and faints dead away, overwhelmed by all the shit that's happening.

The dog is Riki, better known to John as The Boss, and his ferocious growl and rippling dog pecs alone are enough to drive the bear out of sight. As the bear stomps off to gossip about this event, The Boss Dog turns to John.

The leader's voice drops to a mellow, low tone, and he asks why John's back here instead of with the other soldiers. If he recalls correctly, John was going to follow Ben on his cross-country trip. John snorts disdainfully and says neither Ben nor Muscles McGee here are his leader. Nobody leads someone as hardcore as John.

The Akita Killyou nods thoughtfully, irritating the edgelord before him, before asking what John plans to do now. In a moment of foolish boldness, John spits that he's going to lead the boss's pack now. The battle-worn bitchboy better ready himself, because John's about to steal his position... by force.

Elsewhere in a stream, two other dogs are doing their best to survive. Smith struggles to keep himself afloat with Gin on his back, but he's growing weak. The Spaniel inevitably succumbs to his exhaustion and begins sinking.

As the water floods his faceholes, Gin regains consciousness with a snort. He treads water for a sec and realizes his friend is underwater beneath him. "Smith!" Gin exclaims before diving in. He returns the life saving favor to Smith by yoinking him up by his collar so that his head is just above the water.

After he catches his breath, Smith confides in Gin that maybe dropping 20 feet into a raging river wasn't such a good idea. He feels battered enough that he thinks he's broken something. He urges Gin to let him go, but Gin stubbornly shakes his head no. Smith's eyes widen as a rumbling sound fills his ears. He looks further down the river and sees a wave of foam flowing over a cliff's edge. This stream leads to a waterfall!

Smith demands Gin let go and save himself, but given he's the hero of this story, Gin adamantly refuses, instead clinging to his friend. As the two reach the fall's edge, Gin turns Smith to face upward, shielding him with his body as they fall into the lake below.

Meanwhile, Riki and John stand off in earnest. The Ohu leader has agreed to battle John for rank, and he doesn't seem the least bit concerned about defending his title. This is likely because all it takes to down ole Johnny boy is a single, well-placed smack with the fangs.

As John collapses, the leader stands over him, offering to help him up onto his paws. John refuses to meet the other dog's gaze, but the boss just smiles. He tells John that he'll be keeping his position as leader, but that John is always invited to join his ranks. He'd be honored to have such a powerful spirit fighting alongside him.

John's ego is more then a little hurt, so he just snarls that what the boss and his soldiers are doing is stupid. A ragtag group of mutts cannot bring down a monster the likes of Akakabuto, and he's never going to change his mind about that.

The boss nods, but he must respectfully disagree. His power is hard to overstate - hell, he can scare bears off with a funny look. And yet he knows he couldn't kill Akakabuto alone even if he tried. He says that there's strength in numbers not when a bunch of directionless cowards join forces, but when those who are strong as individuals work together.

John's forehead crinkles before the boss offers him a bow and runs back into the woods. John is left panting beside Daisuke, who he then begins dragging back to the village.

Dusk comes and goes, bringing nighttime with it. The platoons have been waiting for the return of their soldiers, but it's been taking an awful long time for them to return. They'll never meet Moss at this rate. Chutora suggests that Hyena, Smith, and Gin have all died, to which Cross responds by cuffing him upside the head.

The two are about to squabble when Ben tells everyone to knock that shit off, he can smell blood. Everyone is suddenly alert as a stranger with a gash in his shoulder stumbles into view, collapsing not 20 feet from the pack. Everyone rushes to help him as he falls over. He meets Ben's gaze and manages to utter "Are you Ben..?" before losing consciousness.

"Oh shit," panics Akatora, "It's Moss's kid!" Everyone is taken aback. Great asks Ben if he believes Gin and Smith had attacked this guy without permission, but Ben doesn't think so. It wouldn't be like either of them to do something so rash. Akatora insists that all brindles regardless of breed will fight to the death at a moment's notice, really showing his internalized brindlephobia.

Kurotora worriedly wonders aloud if Moss has killed Gin and Smith in retribution. It would explain why they never came back. Cross tries to slow everyone's roll so they stop coming to conclusions while Ben directs the dogs to finally get in line. Whatever's happening, they need to get to the bottom of it, and they'll only do that by meeting Moss. They leave Great behind to keep an eye on Jaguar as they peel off with new purpose.

Somewhere else in the Kasumi Dake river valley, Smith awakens on the shore of the lake covered head to toe in mud. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he realizes that Gin is sitting in front of him. He also looks like he had a deep cleanse day at the spa. Gin is overjoyed to see Smith has woken up. He says that he was worried Smith had died, to which Smith playfully tugs at his ear and assures him it'll take more then some water to do Commander Smith in.

But they can't keep horseassing around. Ben and the pack are in danger if they don't clear up this situation ayy ess ayy pee. The two scamper off to find, well, everyone.

As all this is happening, Moss and his gang have found Lloyd's body, and Moss is, to put it delicately, super fucking pissed. He's appalled at the death of his comrade and sick with worry for his son. The others try to soothe him by saying they haven't found Jaguar's body, suggesting he could still be alive, but Moss is too livid at the idea of his sweet baby boy being dead to care.

Remembering what Hyena had told him, Moss swears death on every single soldier following that bastard Ben. He tells his men to prepare for war as he shakes with rage.

The aforementioned Ben and his soldiers are continuing along when Akatora suddenly tells everyone to hol' up. The Kai Ken has just become aware of a kind of smelly smell, a smelly smell that smells... smelly. Ben's all like "Nani the fuck" when suddenly some bassy-ass voice starts screaming obscenities at them.

Up atop his glorious rocky throne stands Kasumi Dake's most beloved mobster. The dogs are in awe of just how fuckin' CHUNK Moss is as his own packmates surround him.

Moss presumes correctly that the dane at the front of the pack is Ben, and he demands to know what he's done with his son. Cross boldly screams back, demanding to know where their missing soldiers are. Moss doesn't give a response, not even the classic I Asked You First, because he's too busy shoving boulders down from his rocky recliner.

All it takes is a few hard shoves to cause a veritable rockslide, unleashing a torrent of boulders onto the Ohu dogs. Ben hollers for everyone to get out of the way, and nobody needs to be told twice.

The slower and less fortunate of the dogs are crushed like barking insects as the larger boulders collide with them. As he scurries away, Ben notices Cross about to become one of these smushed pups as she's too busy shoving others out of harm's way to notice the rocks tumbling towards her. Desperate, Ben throws himself against her with all his might, knocking her clear out of the path of destruction seconds before he himself is pummeled.

Cross and the other survivors collect their bearings before looking back on the destruction. Cross shrieks in horror at the sight she's met with: a bleeding Ben, his eyes shut and his tongue lolling from his mouth, can be seen lying in the jumbled mess of rock. She cries guiltily out to her beloved as the Kai Bros hold her back.

It's too late for the big man. Angry tears flow from her scrunched up face as Cross's wails turn into growls. That fatass on the hill WILL pay for this.

Back at base camp, Jaguar has regained consciousness, and he's having a pleasant chat with Great about how some little grey shrimp and his bossy German friend have been setting up both his dad and the Ohu dogs to fight an unnecessary war. Great is only a little surprised that the obviously evil Sniper would pull this kinda shit, but he thanks Jaguar for the info anyway.

Feeling better after being able to rest, Jaguar rises to his feet and insists the two hurry to his dad's domain. He'd feel awfully guilty if anyone were killed over this misunderstanding.

Jaguar'd better get ready to get guilted because a handful of soldiers have indeed been killtd. Several bodies can be seen poking out of holes between boulders, including the upper half of the dane in the red necklace. Given she was Ben's second in command, Cross prepares to lead the troops into battle in earnest. Moss is about to do the same, telling his men to kill everyone who wasn't crushed. The two armies of dogs collide, snapping and tearing into each other.

Cross and the Kai Bros lead the charge, though, strangely enough, Moss isn't at the forefront of his own army. Instead he's following behind them, urging them on. Cross sees red at the sight of her man's murderer and lunges at him, chomping down as hard as she can into his shoulder.

Cross is no weakling, but Moss is covered in so much visceral fat and muscle that her teeth don't even draw blood. Moss coughs out a smoker's laugh as he flips onto his side, smushing the Saluki and knocking the wind out of her. The Kai Bros call out to their new commander as Moss grabs her by the throat.

Watching from a hilltop nearby, Sniper grins cruelly at the bloodbath before him. He laughs in a most edgy way as Hyena licks his own wounds beside him, quite a bit less amused at the sight of a buncha people who trusted him getting murked.

Sniper notices Hyena's not feelin' the deadly vibe and tells him in a slippery voice that he should be happy. When Sniper's the new leader of the platoon, then the Ohu army, Hyena will be his right hand dog. Hyena forces a giggle, but truth be told starting a war between two innocent parties feels suckier then he expected it would.

The battle rages on. The Kai Bros desperately call out to Cross, but she's unable to escape Moss's gargantuan, flappy jowls. He begins to shake her like a ragdoll and she snarls in desperation and fright. All hope seems lost until the bark of a young, overpowered dog echos across the valley. The Ohu soldiers look up despite the onslaught tearing into them.

A shooting star crosses the night sky, and at the end of its trail a silver brindle akita leaps into view. Gin flings himself into the scruff of Moss's neck. Smith is following close behind, and he canonballs onto the dog that's got hold of Akatora's leg. Smith hollers for everyone to stop, they've been set up!

The Kasumi Dake pack gives pause, but Moss doesn't. He releases Cross and flings Gin off of him, snarling at the insolent kiddo. Gin tells Moss to cool it, his son Jaguar is still alive.

Gin has Moss's undivided, if disbelieving, attention now. Gin goes on to explain that it wasn't he and Smith who attacked Jaguar and Lloyd, it was this shitty dude and his henchman who the Ohu dogs had once believed to be a friend. Smith backs up Gin's account while Gin looks around wildly to find Ben and make sure he's also aware of what's gone down.

Upon realizing what Gin is doing, Cross gives a cough and hobbles over to him. She has tears in her eyes, and she's unable to articulate what she needs to say.

Gin is about to ask her what's wrong when he sees something out the corner of his eye, something red that stands out against the greys of the rocks. The  red, round thing catches a sliver of moonlight. Gin gasps as he realizes what - who - it is.

It's Ben, dried blood smattering his unmoving face, the rock that downed him lying on top of his chest. Gin joins in Cross's desperate weeping. He hadn't know Ben for long, but the mountain of dog and his unceasing patience had made an impact on the kid.

Sorrow turns to rage as Gin sets his sights on vengeance. He turns to the silent crowd, demanding to know who the fuck killed his Army Dad. Moss, totally uninterested in Gin's grief, demands back for Gin to explain where his son is. Gin makes it abundantly clear that his empathy is finite as he lunges towards Moss, catching him by the waddle-like roll of skin under his chin. "I'll kill you!" the Akita screams. "I'll fucking kill you!"

Moss only responds with a laugh that rumbles through his body. He's about to mention how very kawaii it is of Gin to attack him when he suddenly finds himself flipping over. "Huh?" he manages to gasp as Gin turns the old clown upside down. Moss is so heavy that he ground around him shakes when he strikes it, and his mobsters look on in awe.

Moss laughs once more, admittedly impressed, before deciding he's done playing games. He kicks Gin's comparatively small body off of him and sends the young soldier crashing into the side of the boulder that smushed Ben.

Gin wheezes a cough as he glances over Ben's lifeless face. Gin's eyes glaze over with tears once more as he turns to Moss, promising the fat bastard that he'll kill him before the sun rises. Moss accepts the challenge, telling Gin to say that to his face not online see what happens. The two run at each other for like 2 seconds before they hear a familiar voice calling out for its father.

Great and Jaguar have successfully located the gang war. Moss immediately loses all interest in Gin, overjoyed to see his son truly is alive and well. Jaguar's shoulder is caked in thick, black shards of dry blood, but he's otherwise doing okay.

As Moss runs over to embrace his son, Jaguar mimics 2009 internet culture by confirming this whole thing was indeed a trap.  And moreover that Akita kid and his friend saved Jag's life after Lloyd was killed.

Moss thanks his kid for the plot summary of the day, but he's not sure that'll end the war now. Grateful though he is for Gin's service, Moss knows that the youngin won't stop til he's avenged Ben.

Gin and Moss are about to face off again when everyone hears a weak, breathless voice. The voice tells everyone to stop, and its request is punctuated with the scraping of rock against rock. Everyone looks to the rockslide as one of the boulders shifts upwards.

The shadow underneath the rock slowly begins to rise, revealing a broad four-legged muscleman with a bloody face and a necklace of red beads. It's Ben! Looking rough but definitely alive, he rolls the boulder off of himself with a growl.

As his friends run over to him the big lug reveals his sense of humor hasn't been crushed to death either by telling Gin all his carrying on had made it impossible for him to sleep.

The Kai Bros tackle their commander as Cross cleans his face of blood. Gin admiringly gazes with tearful eyes up at Ben, and Ben smiles warmly back at him. Moss's mafioso are touched by the scene. Even Moss is a little overwhelmed by Ben's machismo.

As his companions calm down, Ben takes a step towards Moss. The dane doesn't want to be rivals. He sees all dogs as equals. His only enemy is that dickheaded bear back home. Ben bows and makes his intentions clear: he's humbly asking for Moss's assistance. Jaguar backs him up, detailing what Great told him about the Ohu army's noble cause to pummel Akakabitchboy into a much-deserved early grave.

Moss thinks this is a neat idea and all, but if he's going to be falling in line behind a buncha army boys, he's gotta make sure their leader is up to snuff even when injured. He tells Ben he'll join him if, even in this condition, he can kick Moss's ass.

Moss barrels towards Ben, and Ben makes good by doing what Moss asked. He kicks the Mastiff's ass by grabbing his neck and slamming his head into a rock. The Big Boy tumbles away, shaken by the impact.

Just as his men are about to run to his defense, he lets loose another one of his rumbly, gravely laughs. He's seen all he needs to see. Moss lifts himself up and promises Zombie Dog he and his pack's loyalty. After all, Moss is getting to be an old man. Instead of wasting his winter years lazing on rocks and farting himself awake, he'd rather die fighting for something that matters.

"We're not going there to die, Moss," Ben says to the old coot. "We're going there to fight so that we may keep living." As the verbal contract is sealed, both packs form one. The dogs celebrate their new allegiance with a chorus of howls. Gin joins the howling, forgetting about his aches and pains from a long day of getting the shit kicked out of him. As he looks to the shimmering moon above, his rich brown eyes seem to fill with stars.

Unamused by the poetry of the scene, Sniper is still watching Dogfight TV from atop the hill, except now he's pissed. Sniper isn't a decent enough person to understand how two enemies can become friends, and he's shaking with fury to see his lbr pretty simplistic plan crap out on him.

Hyena's less angry then he is ridden with anxiety. Since the Ohu dogs are still alive and have recruited new friends who hate both him and Sniper with a passion, he's expecting retribution for the whole war instigation thing. Sniper doesn't speak. He's too busy glaring at Ben, Moss, and the little silver thorn in his side to think of anything but vengeance.

Sniper throws his paws up in the air and decides he needs to disappear til the heat is off of him. As Hyena tries politely and submissively to explain that Sniper will literally never be free of the sins committed here today, Sniper snaps at him.

Hyena rolls onto his back as Sniper commands his underling to continue the ruse and rejoin the pack. Hyena wants to argue, but he wants to live as well, so he keeps his whimpering mouth shut as Sniper plods away. As soon as his silly little stub tail is out of sight, Hyena groans in worry. "Here we go again," he says to a laugh track.

After a few more minutes of screaming at the sky, the dogarmy takes off. The platoon is at least twice as large now, powerful enough to curbstomp most non-bear foes in their way. And so the group fearlessly continues their road trip, running day and night over a 48 hour period. Destination: Iga of the Mie prefecture. Goal: recruit some dogs with uber special skills. Hotel: Trivago.

The dogs quickly reach Mie. Ben mysteriously mentions a particular dog from his past being here, and everyone's automatically like YEAH ITS ASS KICKING TIME. Except hold up, Ben says this isn't the type of guy they wanna fight into submission, but rather speak with. This piques the pack's curiosity, but Ben is too busy reliving memories of past exploits to share. Instead, the Kai Bros decide they've got rumblies in their tumblies, and so it's time to kill some shit.

The three run off to beat a boar onto a metaphorical plate. They're joined by Papa Moss, a guy as big and powerful as any wild boar. The pack applauds the efforts of the deadly dwarves and generous giant as they settle in to devour the fallen piggie.

While everyone stuffs themselves silly, Cross nuzzles Ben's neck and tells him she's glad he didn't actually get curbstomped by a rock. Ben licks her head and agrees that being alive is pretty sweet. That said, if ever the platoon needed a new leader, he trusts that she'd be able to fill his shoes. She'd rather not think about it, so instead she curls up beside Ben and rests her head on his back as he enjoys his share of pork.

Just out of both sight and smell, a pair of eyes watch from the shadows as the Ohu dogs have their fill. The eyes swiftly glide across the way to notice another, much more pitiful pair of eyes focused on the same sight.

The pathetic eyes, the lids around them sagging in self-pity, belong to one anxious, hungry Hyena. He murmurs to himself that life is so unfair, wishing for all the world that he could play some Linkin Park right now.

The stranger in the bushes watches Hyena pout, though they're unable to hear him sniveling to himself about how he'll never find a way back into the ranks. They also watch as a slab of meat falls from the tree directly above Hyena, and their eyes widen. So do Hyena's, but for a different reason. He looks up at the meat's mysterious origin and sees a very strange dog on the branch above him.

The dog is of average size with a muscular build. Her coat is brown with a pale tan underbelly, and atop her scarred head is a fluttery lock of hair reminiscent of a mohawk. In a hollow, airy voice she tells Hyena that the meat is a gift for him.

Hyena spends a single moment thinking WTF The Fuck before the meat seduces him with its juicy goodness. Having had nothing to eat for like three days, Hyena makes like he hasn't eaten in three years and snags it up greedily. It smells weird, but he's too hungry to care.

As he takes his first bite, the Bizarre Tree-Dog leaps from her branch to another. She rapidly takes off and out of view by playing hopscotch in the trees. This gives Hyena a spook, so he snags the meat up and tries to scramble off before realizing that the strange dog is coming back.

This time she's not alone. She and two other dogs of the same unidentifiable breed leap down from the trees and into circle formation around Hyena. Hyena the Cowardly Dog practically pees his no-pants as they inch towards him.

While this is happening the Ohu dogs are allowing themselves to kick back for a moment. Ben figures his mysterious new ally is close, so giving everyone a second to rest ain't a bad idea.

Gin is too excited by the new sights and smells to rest, though, so instead he pokes around curiously. He hears a rustle in the bushes as if something is sneaking away, but he can't see anything. Instead, he hears a new sound just a moment later. It sounds like someone screaming, and that someone sounds like someone he's met - and disliked - before...

Hyena continues trying not to evacuate his bladder as the strange dog approaches him in earnest. She glares at him and asks if the dogs pigging out on pig over yonder are his bros. Hyena says they are, and that they'll kick the ass of anyone who dares fuck with him.

The stranger has to keep from rolling her eyes at the obvious lie as she commands Hyena to tell them this: Maya ("demon arrow") of the Koga Clan is telling them to leave this forest at once. Should they not heed this warning, the pack will face the wrath of the malevolent Koga leader.

The Kogas each do a boss-ass vertical leap into the trees. They're off again, rushing through the leaves as quick as physics will permit. As they go, Hyena finally legit pees himself and just about faints, never having been more afraid of a reminder that trespassing is impolite.

He curls into a shuddering, urine-soaked ball. This is without a doubt one of the worst days of his life. And it's about to get even worse because a dog he's never seen before has emerged silently from the bushes.

The dog isn't one of the Kogas, but instead a red, brown, and white Rough Collie. The animal has a handsome face and a rehearsed-looking gait, walking as if he's trying to impress someone. The Collie stands over Hyena while Yeenee hides his face and his literal pound of flesh. "Who are you?" is all the Collie gets out before both he and his find notice something coming towards them.

It's the Ohu pack, and they're less then happy to see Hyena has returned. Jaguar is especially pissed that the little war criminal dares to show his face again, and he's ready to smack the weenie's head in when Akatora tells him to back off. Nobody is gonna kill diddly shit without Ben giving the a-okay. That said, who is this weirdo standing beside Hyena? Did he bring the little bugger back?

Cross closes the distance between herself and The New Guy (2002) and asks where he's come from while Ben approaches Hyena. It doesn't take a dog the size of a small horse much to look intimidating, but Ben's never looked scarier then when he shows his disapproval of his former comrade.

Hyena insists that he has no clue where Sniper is now, and that he only did what he'd been told him because Sniper had threatened to kill him if he didn't. Moss tells the shivering whelp that he doesn't believe him and that it wouldn't matter if that was true anyway. Hyena was an accomplice to the murder of one of his men and the attempted murder of his only son. The little bastard can never be an Ohu soldier given what he's done.

Alongside all this in a conversation you'd expect to be had over tea instead of the future corpse of a criminal, Cross and Gin politely grill the Collie.

The fancypants's name is Wilson, and he's an old circus performer who's traveled the world. His speech is eloquent, his demeanor is goodnatured, and the dude is clearly ripped under his piles of fur, all of which convinces Gin that he'd make a fine soldier. Gin asks Cross if Wilson can join them, but she's not too sure. She asks why a performing dog is out in the middle of nowhere.

Wilson sighs and looks drearily at Gin, seemingly deep in thought. He had escaped the circus several years ago, he explains. Back then, he'd had a wife named Lean and a son named Londo. His boy was about Gin's age when he was murdered by someone Wilson refers to as The Devil Dog, a cannibalistic cultist monster who Will's owner had tried to train to be a circus dog as well.

The man had been impressed by the dog's unique appearance and flexibility, but the mongrel hadn't liked being bossed around. He mauled the ringleader, killed AND ATE Wilson's family, and escaped back to his followers in the woods. These woods.

Cross seems especially shaken by this retelling of family slaughter while Gin offers his condolences. Wilson kindly accepts Gin's pity, but he insists he doesn't need it. He plans on getting his revenge soon enough, both against The Devil Dog and another unmentioned foe of his. Gin's about to ask what other sinister being has added a hefty dose of trauma to Wilson's backstory when Hyena, weeping like a baby, comes crawling across the dirt to cling to Cross's ankle.

Cross snaps out of her empathetic stupor as Hyena begs her to convince Ben that he's deserving of forgiveness. She reacts as one would to stepping on a piece of gum and pulls her paw away, her face crinkling in disgust.

Even more desperate now, Hyena turns to Gin. Gin's reaction is more volatile then Cross's - he starts growling at Hyena as if ready to attack - so Hyena gives up on finding allies before he has a chance to beg Wilson for backup. Ben pads up to him as the grey dog trembles pitifully.

"Hyena," Ben says, his voice almost unrecognizable with hatred, "you are no longer my subordinate."

Everyone is pretty sure this is Ben's final statement before he whips out his katana and teleports behind Hyena, but he has yet to move. Ben's suddenly bombarded from all sides with suggestions. Jaguar wants to kill Hyena! No, Moss does! No, The Kai Bros do! No, Cross says Ben shouldn't do it! Great agrees, Ben's too good to kill a worm like Hyena!

A loud "Be quiet" is all it takes to silence the platoons' wild jabbering, and Ben is left standing in silence over the deserter.

A moment later and without warning, Ben snaps into action and at Hyena's neck, grabbing hold of him in his powerful jowls. Gin finds himself taken aback. Hyena's shitty, it's true, but Gin's never seen Ben looking so much like a cold, hard killer. Ben's not really gonna splatter Hyena's gutless guts all over the place, is he?

Nah. The dane instead tosses the Weimeranar into a tree, knocking a tooth or two loose and probably causing a few fractures on impact. Hyena wails about the pain he's in while Ben advances on him. Hyena's pleas fall on deaf ears as Ben snarls at him. Hyena is allowed to live... for now. But under one condition: either he brings Sniper back to the platoon to pay for his crimes, or Ben will use his particular set of skills to find and kill both the mastermind and his henchman.

Moss and Jaguar are a little pissed that their would-be life-ruiner isn't rotting in the dirt, but Ben calmly asks them to grin and bear it. It's better to take out an evil and banish his lackey then kill the lackey and lose track of the evil, yeah? The Mastiffs agree, if a bit begrudgingly.

Gin sighs in relief. Ben puts up a tough front when need be, but he wouldn't really kill Hyena. It'd be like kicking a puppy, only somehow less literally.

Before Hyena leaves, he realizes Smith is chewing on his chunk of meat. He whines about starving, so Smith taunts him over how they let him live and yet he's still unsatisfied. Gin's a little too shaken for joking around so he tells Smith to give the dweeb back his Lunchables.

Smith giggles his frat boy giggle and tosses the meat back to Hyena. Sniper's starving steward has gone back to eating when suddenly a dark shadow falls over Wilson's face.

Wilson wastes no time in leaping over the dogs in his way to reach Hyena. He demands that Hyena spit it out, what do you have in your mouth, bad dog, spit it out, drop it, spit it out I said. Just like my dog does whenever I catch him chewing something he shouldn't, Hyena tries to swallow his bounty before someone else can get his icky spit on it.

Hyena is a baka, Wilson says, because that's no regular meat. It's the flesh of another dog.

"GASP" gasps everybody in horror. Even though he only chewed the dog flesh for a second, Smith starts puking up the pork in his stomach. Hyena turns a deep shade of green and looks like he's about to follow suit. A shaken Gin tells Wilson not to joke around, but he knows the Collie isn't lying. Akatora turns accusingly towards a now puking Hyena.

The Weimaraner tries desperately to explain his innocence between mouthfuls of stomach acid. He says in a panic that he didn't know he was cannibalizing - the meat was given to him! Ben starts to regret letting Hyena live as he demands to know who would've gifted some rando a hunk of Roasted Rover when Wilson begins snarling towards the treetops. "It was them," he growls, his eyes burning with hatred. Everyone looks up.

It's the strange dogs from before, the ones with the fauxhawks. Maya gazes down at the confused canines. Then she and her compadres disappear up into the leaves. Determined to get to the bottom of this, Gin superjumps after them, discovering they've swooced just out of view. This catches the dogs off guard, and they begin leaping from branch to branch to get away. Gin's experience in neighborhood parkour comes in handy and allows him to effortlessly keep pace with them.

The rest of the pack follows on foot, trying to keep pace with the flying squirrels/dogs above. Gin's convinced he's almost caught up to the cannibalistic coterie when one of their unseen comrades leaps down on him from above. The dog rabbit kicks Gin in the middle of his back, effectively knocking him from the air and into the dirt. The pack doubles back to make sure Gin hasn't acquired any especially nasty booboos. Gin's alright, but now the squirrel dogs are gone. 

As everyone begins discussing what to do next, Ben verbalizes his internal monologue for the audience's sake. Those dogs were 100% ninjas, or at least trained in the art of ninja-ing, which means they must be part of his target's pack. Wilson asks who Ben's looking for, to which Ben replies he came here to find Iga's Akame ("red eye").

Great interjects and, as kindly as one can, accuses Ben of pursuing a cannibal in the hopes of making him a soldier, but Ben assures everyone he wouldn't be looking to add dog-chompers to their ranks. Either Akame's changed since Ben last met him or something weird is going on.

Gin tries to imagine what this Akame could be like. He'd earned Ben's trust somehow, but if his namesake and this recent experience are to be considered, maybe Akame is a red-eyed tyrant who eats other dogs. Gin imagines a bestial dog with a mohawk and two bloodshot eyes leaping from the trees and descending on other dogs, eating them alive.

But there's no time to keep spooking himself because Ben has instructed everyone to get moving. It's time to figure out what the hell is going on.

The pack continues their trek. Instead of shinobi dogs, though, they mostly just find a buncha trees and rocks. Some soldiers are becoming so impatient they're wondering if it's time to interrogate the surrounding foliage when Gin picks up a weird scent. The smell is unpleasant, metallic, and strangely organic. He pursues the smell to find...

The bloodied corpse of a Kishu Inu being chomped on by the ninja dogs AAAAAAAAAA!!! Beside himself with disgust, Gin accidentally gasps a bit too dramatically, and the cannibals turn to face him. Gin snarls and dives towards them. As Ben and Cross come to see what the commotion's about, they see Gin has already launched into a lecture about how these are some very, very bad doggies. Shame on them! Naughty naughty!

"Fuck off, kid," is all one of the Kogas manages to say before the rest of the packup comes in as backup. Wilson meets eyes with of one of the Kogas, his gaze filled with hate. The shinobi smirks, well aware of who Wilson is. As this staring contest takes place, Ben asks the ninja dogs to tell him if they know Akame.

The smug asshole gazing at Wilson thinks fast, saying, "Sure we do. He's our leader. He overthrew Master Kurojaki ("black devil") a while back. We're just following his orders. Ain't that right, guys?"

The Koga looks back over his shoulder at his crew and gives them a slippery smile. The dogs rub their two braincells together long enough to realize what he's doing and they grin back, nodding. They punctuate their unreliable narration by telling the soldiers to leave before bounding away into the trees.

Gin is about to follow them when Ben croaks out that there's no point. Gin follows orders and joins the others in looking to Ben for guidance.

Ben is looking mournfully down at the broken white body before them. The dog is indeed dead. He's covered with bite marks, his innards poking through deep gashes, his fur stained with thick patches of blood. Ben remarks that he's ashamed of having brought everyone here to ask for a cannibal's help, but they must stop this treachery before they can continue their mission. Likewise, they should do a body good and bury the poor sucker. It's the least they can do to make up for the tragedy.

Smith and the Kai Bros begin to drag the dog away so as to lay him to a more dignified rest. As they do, another much more alive white dog watches from the trees above.

He looks very much like the other dog, likely because he is also a Kishu Inu. He gives pause as he sees the Ohu soldiers drag the other whitey away. He mutters to himself about how he's never seen these guys before and that it's probably safe to assume that anyone holding a dead guy is evil. Could they be working with the cultists? The dog's not sure, but he hurries off regardless.

Deeper in the forest, a monument to a forgotten era, a dilapidated human house, stands tall. It's the Kishu's destination, and he leaps to it swiftly. He calls out to his Chief from outside the long abandoned building. "Kirikaze?" a measured voice greets him. "Come in."

Kirikaze ("misty wind") bounds in and immediately begins detailing what he's seen: there's a buncha new kids on the block, a whole assload of them, and after he saw Goody Proctor dancing with the devil, he saw said pack with their doglips fastened around the legs of a fallen comrade. He suggests that the pack may have killed the poor little white guy because they're in cahoots with the cult.

The measured voice calls down to Kirikaze from the rafters of the house. The dog it's attached to tells Kirikaze to gather the others, they've got a homestead to protect. If these n00bz truly are a threat then they must be eradicated. As he lays out his plan, the speaker turns his head into a sliver of sunlight. He's a magnificent white Kishu, paler then any of the others. He squints in the ray of light, his purplish-red eyes glistening thoughtfully.

Meanwhile, the fallen fair-furred friend has been buried in a shallow but otherwise decent grave. Ben bows his head over the distended dirt covering the dog and whispers a prayer. Gin, as if reading his mind, asks who Akame was and why Ben wanted to enlist him. Moss chimes in and says that he's not all for blindly following Ben into a cannibal's lair. Ben decides it's time to stop being so ~*~mysterious~*~ and comes clean with a flashback.

Back when Ben was still a hunting dog, the Kai Bros weren't the only dogs his owner nursed back to health. You see, Ben and his master were out playing Rooty Tooty Point-n-Shooty in the woods when they saw a white animal leaping from tree to tree.

Ben's master had thought the creature was a squirrel, so he'd shot at it and hit it. The man and his dane had approached it and found it to be not a squirrel but a Kishu Inu. The dog was a stark white, whiter then any other animal Ben had ever seen. The albinistic dog had been shot in the leg, and he'd looked at Ben as if pleading for sympathy.

Despite the dog clearly being feral, Ben's master took him home to heal him and raise him as a hunter. It's not every day you see a canine leaping through the trees, so the man was pretty determined to keep the albino no matter how much the dog snarled and hid in back of his prison, a tall, wire pen with a sturdy roof. It took a while for his leg to heal up, but within that time the dog - obviously named Akame - confided in Ben and became his friend.

Akame didn't like the idea of working for The Man (either the individual or the sociopolitical concept), and he especially didn't like the idea of being a house pet while his pack languished in the woods. Without his guidance the other Kishu ninjas would be at a loss for what to do.

Ben was hard pressed to believe this random guy was a ninja solely because he could jump super good, but when Akame stated that his wife had had a litter before he'd left and he'd never gotten to see his children, Ben's heart melted like the cheeseball it is. 

Ben had looked deep into the pleading dog's pigmentless, pinkish eyes and decided he wasn't going to orphan any of his puppies. He broke Akame out and escorted him back to the forest. That had been several years ago, and now, if the cannibals were to be believed, Akame was leading a band of murderers.

Ben gives a weak chuckle and wonders aloud if the mohawk dudes were Akame's sons and daughters. Cross looks like she's about to soothe him when Moss interjects that it's cool, man, everyone makes mistakes. It's not Ben's fault his good nature was taken advantage of, not so long as he's willing to put an end to this volatile tomfoolery.

Ben nods, his determination returning to him, and he and the others get back to their favorite activity: running towards an undefined location. But holy canolli, what's this? A gust of wind blows past the pack's noses, sending the eternally intimidating scent of strangers whooshing through their sinuses.

Everyone looks around but they're unable to see where the smell is coming from. All except protagonist Gin, obviously, who is the first to look up. He makes a weird noise in the back of his throat, alerting everyone else to look too.

A barrage of Kishu Inus jump down on top of them, each hollering curses and victorious announcements of triumph over evil or some shit. One of the Kishus screams about Kogas, only confusing everyone further. One of the dogs announces the ninjas' attack move like this is some kinda anime. "Raikaken!" ("thunder blossom blade") she shouts as the wave of white engulfs the army.

The white dogs dip in only once, tooth-smacking every face and ass they can reach. Then they all leap back into the branches before anyone has time to understand what just happened. Flustered, Gin jumps into the trees and calls after them to put up their dukes. Ben instructs everyone else to follow on foot again and the chase begins. Gin calls down to the soldiers periodically to make sure they're following behind.

Watching from a short distance away is an excited mass of Koga dogs. Maya has lead them there to enjoy the show, and she's brought her hubby with her.

The man himself is a unique specimen indeed: the Koga leader is a touch taller then his comrades. He's got a torn left ear and a dark coat of brindle merle. Just between his front paws sits a toddler-age puppy who is clearly his own, the child bearing the same unique markings. The Koga leader grins in amusement, pleased that his cult can kick back and watch as innocents fight their battle for them.

Meanwhile, despite his efforts, Gin is falling behind the Igas. They manage to hurry out of his range of sight and smell, and so he comes to a frustrated stop. As his sides heave with exertion he calls down to Ben that he's lost the lil buggers. Gin leaps down to rejoin the group and explains that he doesn't know what happened, dude, they just up and disappeared.

Smith's face crunches up stoically. He announces that he's not willing to let this go so anticlimactically before he begins sniffing around. The others watch as he takes major nose-hits from the ground and then pauses. He points instinctively at a patch of dirt for a moment before remembering himself and setting to digging. Within moments he manages to unearth something peculiar: one of the Kishus!

The white dude's head is the only part of him exposed, and he's unmoving. "Is he dead?" someone asks. There's a small wave of shrugs. The group quickly assumes the corpse was buried by the cannibals to serve as a midnight snack and they begin to walk away.

Gin follows behind, but he notices Smith hasn't left the presumed cadaver's side. Smith murmurs something about the holedog not smelling dead when one of the "corpse's" eyes opens! The dog snarls viciously and grabs Smith by the collar. As Smith screams and the soldiers double back, the Spaniel is yoinked into the hole and out of sight.

Gin reaches the hole first and notices that it's not just a hole. It's a tunnel, and both the Kishu and Smith have disappeared into it. He tries to leap in and follow, but Ben pulls him out of it by his curly-cue tail.

Gin's insolent about the ass portion of his spine being used as a handle when there's a comrade who needs saving, but Ben says it'd be too risky to follow after them. They're fuckin' NINJAS, my guy, this is clearly a trick they've set up for intruders.

Cross wonders aloud where the tunnel may lead and Ben surveys the area. It takes him all of 3 seconds to realize that oh my goodness there's a house like 50 feet away.

Ben is instantly certain that the ninja bastards live there given no human came out screaming about the massive pack of feral dogs. No doubt the tunnel leads to that building, and that to get to the bottom of this mess the pack will have to go there. They'll have to surround the building's perimeter and then launch an attack.

That said, Ben's a little wary of leaving the tunnel unguarded. Given he previously had his opportunity to go spelunking taken from him, Gin jumps at the chance to explore some hole. Ben tells Gin that he's to WATCH the tunnel, not explore it, as he could be attacked by the ninjas.

Gin pouts as the other dogs go to surround the house, but he still chirps a "Good luck" to them as they take off. As soon as everyone else is gone, Gin gathers all his bravery (and insolence) and dives into the tunnel, still determined to find his friend.

Inside the dirt tube, Gin realizes the Kishus' squirrel-tier leaps are only matched by their gopher-tier digging abilities; the tunnel widens substantially, and it's impressively long. On the other side of it, the dog who 'napped Smith drags him out and under the house.

It doesn't take the dog more then a second and a whiff with his powerful schnoz to realize Gin, in all his smelly post-pubescent glory, is following him. He just shakes his head and makes a brief trek out to a scrape connected to the tunnel. The scrape dips into the lake beside the house, and with one swift motion the dog lifts the single wooden board separating the water from the dig-out.

The water goes roaring down the secret tunnel, which Gin can hear despite not knowing the context. Gin was just thinking that this was all too easy before looking up and reading the above paragraph. Just then, a torrent of water comes wooshing down towards him, flooding the tunnel and knocking him back with the force of a thousand spitting goldfish. He can only manage to cough out a swear before he's carried away.

The other soldiers have taken this time to organize themselves into a nifty little formation around the house, but they come to realize that nobody knows where the littlest recruit is. Cross tells Ben that when she went back to the tunnel to check on Gin he was nowhere to be seen.

Ben's certain the kid has gone down the hole against orders, but there's no time to be upset. Wilson says there's precious little time to save Smith. If Akame really is cannibal chief, he won't keep his men from their next meal for long. Despite his reinvigorated concern for his friend and fellow commander, Ben is wary of leaping into action too suddenly.

Inside the house, Smith is lying unconscious on the floor. Something that feels like another dog's paw (3 guesses as to what it is) touches his face. He slowly opens his eyes.

As the world comes back into focus, he lets out a high-pitched yelp. He's surrounded on all sides by stark white dogs, each one eyeing him harshly. One of them approaches him and he responds by screaming and running into a corner.

Smith starts wailing about how they shouldn't eat him because black and white dogs taste like ass and cause explosive diarrhea when another Kishu, one that was just out of sight, leaps from the rafters right down beside him.

Smith falls into a heap as the newer new guy looms over him. This guy is even paler then the rest; his fur is so pale it seems almost translucent at the edges. The other dogs are clearly annoyed at Smith's bellyaching but this guy just stares at him with expressionless red eyes.

"You're a Western breed, aren't you?" asks the super-white dog, finally breaking the silence. "I've never seen a dog like you before. What are you doing out here?"

Smith chokes out something about traveling to which the dog responds by asking why he and his friends are in this neck of the woods. Smith says that he and his buds are trying to recruit soldiers, which, judging by the super-white dog's reaction, was the wrong thing to say. The Kishu says that Smith's clearly with the Kogas. Smith barely knows how he got here, let alone where this conversation is taking them, so he tries to flee once more.

The neon white dog grabs him firmly by the scruff as he runs past, then slings him back into the corner. As Smith's noggin grows a goose-egg, one of the Kishus leans towards the super-white guy, their obvious leader, and informs him that she and the others are pretty sure that the "soldiers" are outside the manor, no doubt ready to overtake it at any moment.

Neon White tells his pack to ambush the dogs from out the tunnel while he interrogates the hostage. All but the leader depart, leaving a confounded Smith looking on.

The dogs do indeed travel through the flooded tunnel. The gaping Earth-hole is only tall enough to allow for a small air pocket above their heads, so they're mostly submerged. While passing through their underwater subway system, the dogs see the floating, motionless body of a young brindle Akita. Several of their faces crumple at the sight, probably thinking about how war is hell and stuff, before they leave the body behind.

But hey, I'll let you in on a secret: ITS GIN AND HE ISNT DEAD WHODA THUNK. He's just playing aquatic possum while taking tiny, secret gulps of air. He waits until the last of the dogs has swum past before grabbing onto the end of his tail.

The dog seems surprised and he makes like he wants to turn around and face Gin, but there's not enough space to turn back. Gin has hitched a ride out, but he'll no doubt have to contend with the bastards as soon as they leave the tunnel.

Meanwhile, the Ohu dogs have come to the conclusion that Gin and Smith are super, hella dead by now, or at the very least imprisoned, and this stake out has gone on long enough.

Given the commander’s absence, Ben assigns Cross to Smith's place. Then he starts directing everyone on how best to ransack the house. With a nod and an oddly poignant "GO!", the dawgies leap into action, all of them galloping at full speed towards the building.

The Kishus are well prepared for times like these. Several pits in the ground containing live warriors open beneath the approaching hoard's feet, ninjas leaping up from within to snag onto some unfortunate underbellies. Others leap down and out of the trees, cracking skulls with their powerful bites.

Lucky for the Ohu dogs these attacks only slow them down, not defeat them. Ben continues to lead the hoard until it's formed a ring-around-the-rosie of running troops around the house. 

But before the soldiers can literally come full circle, Ben yelps in pain and unromantically tumbles head over heels. One by one the other dogs succumb to the same fate, each stumbling blindly and then rolling over. A chorus of pained, confused whimpers rises up as Smith and the lead Kishu exit the house.

Smith calls out to his friends, but the super-white guy stops him, telling him not to take another step unless he too wants to be skewered.

Turns out the ground has been littered with Hishi seeds. Hishi plants are a water grass with distinctly sharp, spiky seeds, and the pack has managed to slice their paws on tons of them. Tens of little doggy footses bleed into the dirt as Smith watches helplessly.

Akatora says that a few seeds shouldn't be enough to down an army, but he feels... like ass. Like, totally sick, and not in a good way. The Kishu nods and explains that, btw, the spikes have been poisoned. A death by poisoning is a deserved one for a bunch of cannibal cultists (which is my band name now, don't steal).

Ben realizes who this dog is and pipes up. "Akame? Is that you? Have you gone mad?" The Kishu's reddish eyes widen in recognition. His eyes dart to the red bead collar around the dane's neck. "Ben?" he says while approaching the commander. "What are you doing here? Why are you helping the Kogas?"

Ben counters by asking why Akame's leading a hoard of cannibals and suddenly everyone understands that a particular plot element has been reused. The good guys have been double crossed once again!

Akame apologetically explains to everyone but the audience that the Igas thought the Ohu soldiers were allied with the Koga cult to aid in their evil plan. That plan being, of course, to slaughter the remaining Iga warriors and overtake their manor. Before he can truly grasp all of this, Ben's stomach starts benchpressing his other organs and he rolls over in pain.

Akame tells everyone not to move, else the poison will spread faster. He sees his own dogs are coming to see what the deal is and barks at them to bring the antidote. One of the dogs, soaking wet, trots up, looking especially annoyed.

Before they go to get the meds, the most annoyed dog swings his curly tail as an exhausted Gin finally lets it go. Gin sputters out water and the Ohu soldiers perk up at the sight of him. Unfortunately, all of them are getting gutpunched from the inside, so they don't have the strength to go meet him.

Ben saves Gin's silver ass by explaining that he's with them. The Igas seem confused that Gin's not a Koga ally. Just then, the wind picks up and blows a now-familiar stink into everyone's noses. A white projectile falls from the trees and smacks one of the Igas in the head. It lands on the ground with an Icky Thump by The White Stripes, allowing everyone to see what it is: the severed head of a Kishu Inu!

Everyone who is able to lifts their heads to the treetops which seems to be the new entry point for all characters. One of the forest's largest trees is covered in the silhouettes of tens of mohawked dogs. On the highest branch stands the leader of the Kogas. Wilson's eyes widen and he squeaks out "It's him... The Devil Dog."

The Devil Dog laughs as Akame utters a SEETHING "Kurojaki." The merle brindle laughs gutterally, congratulating the Igas on their new feat in stupidity. These new guys here? They were innocent the whole time, duh! And their arrival worked out well to distract the Igas while the Kogas formed a new plan of attack. Now the filthy nonbelievers will be destroyed, and their ancient master's home will become the new domain of the glorious Koga clan.

It's only now that Gin realizes the Kogas outnumber the Igas pretty badly. Kurojaki instructs his soldiers to attack the enemy. The cannibals launch themselves tooth-first towards their foes. Kurojaki takes one look at Akame, smiles, and then disappears up into the tree.

Akame knows that the bastard isn't running away, he's just going to go and retrieve his secret weapon. He tells his men to defend themselves, the soldiers, and the manor while he pursues Kurojaki. The albino scrambles away while the others, Gin included, fight on.

Gin tears into the nearest Koga when he notices that one of the Igas, the youngest one, is scared to do the same. The dude seems inexperienced and afraid, not like the other warriors. One of the Igas calls out to him, scolding his little brother Hayato for being such a puss.

To demonstrate how hardcore ninjas have to be, Hayato's ubermasc big bro drags his Koga of choice back into the flooded tunnel, no doubt intending to drown both the brown dog and himself. Hayato cries out to his unnamed sibling, blubbering about how he wishes their father were here to help them. Jinnai, one of the Igas present, tells Hayato to dog up - Akame can't hold their hands forever, and they cannot shame their pops by showing weakness.

Hayato's eyes fill with tears and so do Gin's. Gin has an Epic Bruh Moment and realizes that the Igas are the children that Ben had freed Akame for, and in turn the albino has raised them to defend their home at any cost.

Gin can't help but think of Riki standing on the mountaintop, gazing down at Gin and commanding him into life-or-death battles alongside the other dogs. Would he change his mind if he knew Gin was his son? Hell, what if he DID know and just didn't feel like treating Gin differently? Gin is knocked out of his stupor as the Koga he's fighting kicks him in the face and runs away.

Gin's mind is elsewhere, though, so he hardly notices. Instead, he decides to help poor Hayato. Hayato's actually doing alright at holding his own and it's probably because he's gotten super pissed at his brother's death.

The idea of the day is #diekogascum, so Hayato allows his opponent to chase him to a strange looking plot of grass. Gin squints at the ground for a moment before looking horrified. Before he can tell Hayato to stop, the Kishu plays Follow The Leader with the Koga over the plot. The strange foliage turns out to be debris covering a pit trap. Both Hayato and his adversary scream in agony as they fall into it.

Gin runs over to see what's become of them. He gasps at the sight. Both Hayato and the Koga are dead. The hole is surprisingly wide, and it's filled to the brim with spikes worn to points. Both lifeless bodies slide wetly down the stakes, each leaving some of their guts strung up behind them.

Disgusted by the gruesomely skewered corpses, Gin gallops back to the others. That tears it, by gum. These Kogas are fucking WAY too much shit up, and the only way to stop this madness is to boot them into next Wednesday.

The Kogas are kinda swaying that way too because they've realized the Igas are willing to wipe themselves out so long as they can take some cannibals with them. Despite their greater numbers the Kogas have weaker spirits, and they really don't wanna be kabobbed to death today. The mohawked murderers leap back into the trees with Gin following right behind them.

This time they can't escape Gin's righteous anger as he snags one by the hind leg. Turns out it's Maya, and despite her skillz, she's no match for Gin's moralistic tantrum. He downs her in an instant, sending the two of them crashing to the forest floor.

Maya's got a nasty gash on her face now. Rivulets of blood pool beside her cheek as she lays unmoving. She weakly looks up at Gin and manages to gasp out a question: what the fuck? Also, is Gin one of the shinobis? Gin shakes his head and proudly introduces himself as a bearhound, but it ends up being pointless ego stroking because Maya loses consciousness.

An impressed Akame descends from the trees. He tells his men that Kurojaki has gone back to the Koga marshlands, probably to retrieve his scythe. Gin doesn't know what a scythe is, so he just asks Akame what they should do next.

After Akame explains the need for antidote to the youngster he apologizes for harming Gin's friends. Luckily, as the epic pwnage was taking place, some of the Kishus scraped together some rainy day herbs to cure the Ohu dogs' ailment. Unluckily there wasn't enough for everybody. Ben in particular ain't doin' so hot. He's refused to take even the smallest bite of antidote before all his men are cured.

Akame insists that they need more of The Cure (years active: 1978-present) asap and Gin is totally on board to gather some. There's just one itty bitty issue: the plantidote is a water root that grows exclusively on the perimeter of the Koga's wetland territory. Kurojaki and the Dogchompers will be on high alert given the preceding events, so it'll be an especially dangerous mission. This doesn't sway Gin at all, though he is a little worried at the possibility of a scythe being a machine gun.

The other Kishus here, Jinnai and Kirikaze, elect to also come with. And so he four go on the most nerve wracking field trip ever conceived. As they venture forth, Maya picks herself up off the ground, taking advantage of having been forgotten in all the excitement. Despite her flesh wound, a nasty grin spreads across her face. This is too perfect - the leader of the Igas is wandering right into her hubby's domain. She gives her body a rough shake before she stumbles back to the marsh.

While everyone else is running to the swamp, the Ohu dogs are taking their medicine. Smith is the only one well enough to dole out rations and he's having a heck of a time convincing Ben to take his meds. In fact, he isn't making any progress at all, as Ben just bats anything he's given away with a trembling paw. Ben insists in that fatherly tone of his that Smith feed all of the others instead.

Cross, the Kai Bros, and Wilson all try to share their herbs with him, but even as he grows too weak to speak he continues refusing everything he's offered. A single tear rolls down Cross's cheek as Ben's mouth whitens with foam. He meets her tearful gaze as his bloodshot eyes glaze over.

The sun begins to set on this long, dreary day. But hope may be on the horizon yet. Akame and his crew have entered the Koga domain undetected and have located the antidote! They each dive into the pond and yank the roots up, snagging as many plants as they can carry. Gin smiles in relief only to realize that the worst is yet to come. He and the Igas look on around the pond's edge.

The Kogas have soundlessly surrounded our hapless heros. An ugly, crackling laugh taunts them as Kurojaki steps out of the shadows. A bloody-faced Maya stands smugly by his side. Their infant son stands between daddy's front paws and meets Gin's eyes with an innocent, oblivious stare. Kurojaki takes a moment to survey the invaders in the lake. Between his jaws he grasps a sharp, sweeping blade.

----------

Thank you to everyone who waited patiently for this episode! We’re at the point where some of the biggest diversions from canon will start cropping up, so hopefully they’re enjoyable. And holy SHIT they keep getting LONGER

Episode 5: The Beasts

[puppyenergy]

@rickenrolled​ you’re an absolute mad man i love you. here’s all my answers. long ass post beneath the cut

1. Who’s your favourite character from UT?

i love them all but if i had to pick one then chara

2. Who’s your least favourite character from UT?

asgore

3. Your opinion about UT fandon:

very sweet, lots of smart and lovely and creative and gay people. could do without all the transphobes and incest/pedo shippers tho but like, theyre kinda everywhere aren’t they. like flies! smack

4. What’s your favourite quote?

“you never gained LOVE, but you gained love. does that make sense? maybe not.“

5. What’s your favourite soundtrack?

death by glamour

6. Pacifist, neutral or genocide?

pacifist

7. Why did you decide to play UT?

when it came out, my first exposure to it was thru supporting a friend who had recently started a youtube channel and they did a playthru of undertale! i ended up being unable to wait for them to finish it and just went and bought the game myself so i could play it. i was just so invested, i couldn’t wait for them to upload asklghskl

8. Favourite battle?

undyne’s

9. Favourite scene?

GOD I CAN’T CHOOSE JUST ONE SCENE. fuck. you can’t do this to me.

10. Your first letter to Mettaton was:

“legs” probably sldkghsd i don’t remember

11. Your reaction when you saw Omega Flowey for the first time:

VERY SCARED. I LEGIT THOUGHT MY GAME WAS POSSESSED.

12. Your headcanon about Frisk’s gender:

they’re nonbinary but i specifically headcanon them as agender! i also rlly dig genderfluid frisk as well bc same.

13. Which UT character reminds you of yourself?

mostly frisk but also chara and also mettaton

oh and all the dogs

14. Which UT character reminds you of your best friend?

TEMMIE. we are dog and cat solidarity.

15. Would you smooch a ghost?

i already have!

16. Which UT character would be your best friend? Why?

all of them. i will befriend them all.

17. Do you remember your first killed character? Who was that?

toriel ;_; i reset & redid the entire game for her, i felt so bad

18. Did you do sth in game you regret?

killing toriel lmao

19. Which ending was your first?

pacifist!

20. Your favourite land in UT and why: (Snowdin, Waterfall or Hotland)

snowdin is my favorite... it’s just so home-y. i rlly love snow, it brings a lot of happy memories. the christmas aesthetic does as well. and it’s also where you meet sans & papyrus & all the dogs. it’s just such a happy place.

21. Your favourite place in UT and why: (Undyne’s house for example)

i just rlly love snowdin ok. every area in snowdin. i still remember my little gasp!! when i found out that the snow on frisk’s head is always a different shape every time you go thru that slide-y puzzle.

22. Your headcanon about River person’s gender:

“it doesn’t really matter.”

23. Your headcanon about one of the UT characters:

papyrus is nonbinary!

24. Butterscouch or cinnamon pie?

cinnamon!

25. Your opinion/headcanon about six human souls:

i always connect the deltarune characters to the six human souls for some reason. kris is the cyan soul, susie is the purple soul, ralsei is the green soul, lancer is the blue soul, noelle is the yellow soul, and then im not sure who would be the orange soul... ofc only one of them is actually human but that’s always an association i made asdlghsd

26. With who would you go on a date?

none of them tbh sdkglhskdlgha i would go on hangouts with them tho!

27. Marry, fuck, kiss and kill:

marry: napstablook fuck: mettaton kiss: all of them getting kisses from me!!! mwah kill: none :(

28. Do you wanna have a bad time?

no!! i wanna have a fun time. a sillay ol’ time.

29. Your favourite UT au:

there’s this one unfinished comic someone made a while ago i don’t even remember what it was called but it was about two charas or smth??? idek if that counts as an au but tbh that comic is the origin of my love for feral chara

30. Your least favourite UT au:

all of the ones where anyone is misgendered or there’s incest/pedo/abuse in it it just automatically makes it a bad au.

31. Would you want to fall into underground?

i mean, yeah. where’s the hole. i’m on my way.

32. Describe or draw your undersona:

the puppy is specific to dfta

my other undersona is dragon kid. he’s a human & monster fusion with a rough past. he’s also adopted. the cat is his sibling.

33. One reason why you love UT:

toby said Hello LGBT Community

34. One reasom why you hate UT:

frisk’s design is,, u kno

35. If you could choose one type of food from UT, what would it be?

dog salads for days!

36. Your favourite amalgamate:

snowdrake’s mother & endogeny

37. Your headcanon about Gaster: who do you think Gaster is to Sans and Papyrus? (Father, brother, uncle etc)

i like to headcanon him as their dad

38. Your opinion about bad puns:

they’re good, ok.

39. Do you draw fanarts from UT? If yes, then what do you like the most to draw?

yes i do asklghsdkgl i could probably draw chara/frisk/asriel forever and be ok with it

40. Which of human souls fits you the most?

red, baby

41. What would be the first thing you would to show to Sans, Papyrus or the rest of characters in human world? Why?

the stars!!! they’ve been wishing on rocks for too long. time to see the real thing.

42. Which song reminds you of UT or one of the UT characters? Why?

skglhslkhg i make playlists just for this tbh. i have a playlist for mettaton, chara, frisk, asriel, undertale in general, and then one for both chara & frisk. too many songs to talk about rn so here’s the most recent one i added to chara’s playlist:

https://soundcloud.com/serious-url/last-night-on-earth-2

my favorite lyric is “we are horrible but not bad”

43. Your opinion on underloid:

i. i’m not sure what that is askdlghsdk

OH I JUST LOOKED IT UP ITS UNDERTALE VOCALOID??? i’ve never listened to it before but tbh that’s real cool

44. Do you forgive Asgore for what he’s done?

no lol

45. Did you pay for Tem’s college?

I DIDNT, IM SORRY TEM... i just dont have the patience to sell all that residue

46. Have you seen any youtube letsplay of UT?

i swear i’ve seen them all now. i watch them when i need some free serotonin. u_u

47. Do you listen to any fanmade songs? If so, then which are your favourite?

i don’t rlly listen to any but i have a few saved! i rlly love the fucking checker dance & death by glamour mashup

48. What are your favourite theories?

narra!chara if you can even CALL that a theory man it’s literally canon

i also rlly like the theory that ut sans is actually from deltarune, and also maybe a darkner.

49. Who is your favourite enemy? (Not including boss monsters)

LESSER DOG

50. Do you have any headcanons about Chara’s past? (Why they hate humanity, why did they fell to the underground etc)

i think they had some pretty shitty ppl in their life until they met the dreemurrs, probably.

51. Who is your favourite dog?

DONT DO THIS TO ME,

52. What was your reaction to true lab?

fear and a lot of emotion

53. Your fabourite voice acting:

myself sakldhgklsh

54. At the end of pacifist run did you stay with your friends or did you come back to your family?

i always send frisk to stay with toriel bc as their player guardian i would not feel comfortable with myself if i just left a child stranded on their own. it was the same in oneshot. if i’m ur temporary game dad then i’m leaving u in a safe place before the game ends ok.

55. Who is older - Sans or Papyrus?

sans

56. Your OTP(s):

OK LISTEN. GOATBUN,,

also ALPHYNE

57. Your NOTP(s):

any of the incest/pedo ones. especially with fr4ns & ch4sriel i’m gonna get real stabby.

58. Your BROTP(s):

chara/frisk haa

59. Your favourite puzzle:

i like the shooty spaceship ones!

60. Which battle was the hardest for you?

fingers in his ass.... fingers in his ass.... asgore he likes b

61. Did you still hate Flowey after you discovered his true indentity?

i never hated flowey, ok. and also no.

62. The saddest moment:

“the next day.”

“the next day.”

“...”

“the human died.”

63. Which ending is your favourite?

true pacifist, pls

64. How old do you think Frisk is?

9, maybe? i always change my mind on this asdlghsdk. they’re just a baby. age is baby.

65. Any post pacifist run headcanons?

both chara & asriel get revived. always.

66. Your favourite NPC:

the trans woman lionness npc who mettaton gives his dress to

67. Humans or monsters?

both!

68. The funniest situation:

my brain is failing me but i fucking love the idea that frisk is just walking away from undyne during her battle sequence and she’s just CLANK CLANK CLANK in her armor stomping after but ugh has to stop and wait while frisk gets a phonecall and UGH has to check on sans who fell asleep at his post.

AND UNDYNE’S HANGOUT

UGH JUST UNDYNE IN GENERAL I LOVE HER

69. Skeletonfucker, robotfucker, goatfucker or kinkshaming?

listen i KNOW i said i’d fuck mettaton but i’m NOT a robotfucker.

70. When playing for the first time how many candies did you take?

one! i wanted to be a good boy.

but then i just went ham,

71. Did you kill or spare Flowey at the end of the game?

spare and i got emotional with how he reacted

72. If you had to be one of the main characters, which would you choose?

73. If you had to kill one of the main characters which would you choose?

i wouldn’t kill any of them!! i love them all. i refuse.

74. Which character(s) would you like to cosplay?

HMM. i could probably pull off frisk the best.

75. Your favourite Burgerpants’ quote?

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Can I get some headcannons for HIFL with an MC who is a vampire/werewolf hybrid?

*tilts head* I have no idea how this would work. let’s do it.

General

-MC has fangs and a wolf form.

-Can eat and taste normal food but it’s like… bland. Not tasty at all. Eats raw meat for the blood.

JD

-Finds it funny. Makes a lot of comments about MC being a hybrid of the ‘mortal enemies’ shit from movies. MC is annoyed.

-Likes cuddling up when MC is wolfy. She runs kind of middling heat all the time.

-Complains about cold hands when MC holds their hand. 

-Totally makes the spiciest food they can to see MC eat it straight faced and then everyone else choke on it, while pointing at their GF and going: Well she can eat it.

-They have pulled this on asshole truckers in the past. Razi lets them.

Razi

-Always makes sure to have raw meat ready.

-Uses some spell to enhance flavours for her so she can taste it while he can just have it normal.

-Is also a bit off put by how… luke warm she is but likes cuddling and warming her up.

-Scratches behind her wolf ears to make her giggle.

-The leylines react weird to her, and suddenly she is a genie/werewolf/vampire and no one understands it. NO ONE.

Mac

-Has a hard time understanding her GF cause while some of it is ‘aw, yes, I understand’ other parts is… wtf.

-Both go hunting together and Mac lets her GF eat her fill first.

-They run together all the time on full moons. It’s awesome.

-Days when her vamp side is bad enough she needs sunglasses, Mac has her gf covered with covering the windows and hiding away with her gf from the sun.

-The Beast is very weirded out. Like what the ever loving fuck. MC and Mac find it funny.

Diego

-Same with Mac. Some stuff he gets, others… ‘Hey Mac, help?’

-He’s a little jealous she can drink only animal blood but it’s also kinda gross her eating raw meat.

-Likes watching her sleep in wolf form cause it’s like watching a dog sleep, rolling around and stuff.

-Dracula goes wtf when he meets MC. There is no big issue with him cause Dracula legit is like ‘yeah, I’m outta here. This is to weird’.

-Diego and her like to go out to vampire bars to freak out the various clients there for fun.

Antonio

-Antonio is very confused about some of MC’s traits. 

-Likes to take her hunting cause he finds it hot watching her go feral on an animal. He tries to convince her to do it to humans but she’s not chill with it.

-Frankenstein lied to Antonio about her bringing back the dead. it’s cause of her unique hybrid status he wants to study her.

-Antonio is pissed at Frankenstein. Like legit furious, but also a bit grateful cause he has MC now.

-Victor is very fucking confused by MC and isn’t scared to say it.

Vanessa

-Vanessa has no idea that hybrids exist, and is shocked by MC.

-Does find it interesting she eats raw animal meat. Is happy the reason is cause MC finds it more ethical.

-Wonders about why she’s the only one. (Dracula isn’t dead, is after her for her hybrid status) MC has no clue why, so Vanessa is on the case.

-Getting together is hard cause of the Helsing order, but they manage… somehow! Honestly they don’t know but it happens.

-MC isn’t allergic to silver so Vanessa is happy she can still have her silver stuff.

[askmyboys]

Levi Snider

I guess, trigger warnings would be death/torture/violence mentions???

| Name: Levi Myers Snider

| Nicknames: Lev or Sni are the only nicknames but these are more so titles some have called him “The Coyote” or a much simpler one “Dice”

| Gender: He/Him

| Age: 34

| Height: 6’3”

| Species/Race: Human

| Hair Color: Caramel Brown (his hair is like,, a slicked back Pompadour)

| Eye Color: Lava Gray (he’s got a scar going over his right eye but he seems to still be able to see out of it)

| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s very pale and he’s pretty average, a bit on the muscular side but nothing too wild

| Appearance: His main outfit is a white suit with a long sleeved black shirt underneath it, he also wears a dark red tie, he wears black pants to match and some black and white oxford shoes, he has a few rings he wears on his fingers, one is a simple silver skull ring, then he has a dice ring, and the main ring though is a golden locket ring (its heart shaped too) and you wanna know whats in there? ...A fucking picture of h i m s e l f. He also has dice earrings he wears as well, he doesn’t have razor sharp teeth BUT he does seem to have fangs! He doesn’t have claws though or any kinds of inhuman features, just a plain ol human man- He does have a LOT of scars lining all over his body, there is no prominent one outta all of em except maybe the one that stands out on his eye n such but other than that, he’s pretty beat up.

| Personality: What can be said about Levi? Well, lots actually, for the basic gist he’s an absolute bastard of a man, he’s narcissistic as all hell about himself and seems to ONLY care about himself (maybe that’s true? Who knows, you’ll have to find out) He’s snarky and sarcastic a lot of the times, and I won’t deny he’s borderline sadistic and cruel, I mean he DOES murder people after all, his favorite weapons seem to either be a baseball bat or a cane, but on the rare occasion he will use one of his knives, he loves the torture aspects as well if he gets the chance! He’s very flirty too like, even if you are his victim he might legit start flirting with you outta the blue before swinging something against your head, he’s a heartbreaker though- he doesn’t care about love or none of that, the only things he loves is himself, murder, torture, and makin money too! (a big time gambler) he just flirts to mess with people and that’s it, if you flirt back he might be surprised but I doubt it’d change the outcome.

Despite being a murderer and 100% a criminal, whenever he sees an animal abuser… He seems to go ballistic at them especially, he doesn’t even give them a chance before swinging his cane over their head n caving their skull in, he’d then take the animal- no matter how small it is and try and get them a home, if nobody wants then fine he’ll take the animal! He has a bigger place than all these dumbasses anyways! If I had to say the only thing he cares about aside from himself is animals, and that’s because he has his own pets back at home, he has four pet rats actually so he’s especially soft toward rats/mice, if you show him pictures of rats/mice that’ll easily get him distracted from talking about himself and how great he is and he’ll focus on them instead, talking about how rats are so fuckin cool! So cute and precious!

He also won’t,, necessarily kill a kid, like he’s still an asshole because if a kid bumps into him he’ll shove ‘em outta the way or if they're just in his way in general he’ll shove them away- If someone was abusing a kid? ...Well, he doesn’t much care about kids, he doesn’t really LIKE kids in fact-  BUT let’s just say he’ll pretend it was an accident when he throws something hard and heavy at the abuser like “Whoops, my fingers slipped” even if he were to hit them with his bat or cane he’d be like “Oops! Butterfingers~!” he’ll then lead the kid somewhere safe and leave them there, because he doesn’t wanna deal with t h a t anymore than need be.

| Side Facts: He’s nicknamed “Dice” for a reason, because he uses a literal dice (it can be any dice, he isnt picky) to determine how many hits he’ll give a victim, the nickname “The Coyote” just kinda comes out because he seems like a scavenger to most people, and he’s pretty damn vicious like one too tbh

Given how he’s dressed and (sure i know he just acts like it) but he genuinely DOES seem to be SOME sorta big shot around the city- He almost seems like he’s in some kinda Mafia, he seems like the Leader even but he mentions nothing about anyone else, no “family” nothing, he seems to act like he’s a one-man-band, a loner, whether he actually has a- well, he’d call them a Pack more than likely but even then it is currently unknown, and it’s even unknown if he would be the Leader, but he’s definitely a big shot- especially at the Casinos, people seem to treat him with a lot of respect and almost… Fear even?

Ofc he’s good at the ones themed up with dice because why wouldn’t he be, it’d be a bit silly if he weren’t good at games involving the very tool he’s used for so many people’s destructions! Aside from that, he seems to be good at Poker in general, Backgammon, Roulette, and Blackjack.

And even if he has an actual Mafia dude, he doesn’t seem to kill just because of business reasons, he seems to just kill for his own reasons- aka he loves the thrill of hunting someone down, he loves torturing his poor victims too I guess but chasing them down and then just catching them alone? That’s some euphoria right there babey! He doesn’t seem to give up so easily either, he’s VERY persistent when it comes to his victims, he’ll exhaust them and even himself before he’d let someone go so easily!

Finally he seems to hang around dark alleyways in the city mostly, but then sometimes you’ll find him w a y on the outskirts of the city, you’ll never find his place of residence- cause he DOES have one I mean the dude is fuckin r i c h, it ain’t nothing sUPER fancy, its honestly more so like a basic sorta home, if ya do find it, it does have some stuff lying around but it doesn’t look SUPER dirty, ofc on its own table is a large rat cage with four little rats just grooming themselves or playing or something, you’d also notice a fuckin scarred up Rottweiler bc honestly? That thing would probs tackle you down the moment you set foot in the d o o r. It won’t bite you or attack or anything not unless he gives a command, that Rottweiler’s name is Lucy by the way-

She’s honestly a sweetheart, super gentle and caring as can be ...if you aren’t trying to hurt Levi or herself or any of the other pets, she’s the protector here! There is also a Black cat that roams around here n there, its not technically his but he feeds em and lets them in when its cold out, and finally- he has two more dogs, one’s a brown and white shih tzu, the fur is pretty messy but its not matted- he would n e v e r… He brushes them as often as he can- honestly that little fucker would bite you before Lucy did, he’s a feral lil shit but still sweet and caring too, mostly toward Levi- and then a small Chinese Crested who you’d rarely see because he’s v e r y shy, and gets nervous around other people very easily.

The Black Cat he named Midnight bc that’s a classic, the shih tzu is named Rocco, the Chinese Crested is named Gizmo (sometimes Levi calls him Goober) and then the rats’ names are

The Grey one is named Remy and is super friendly, sweet, and p active- a lot more active than the others, The Black one is named Squeak (the reason being is he is a LOT more dramatic than the other ones, you can gently press a finger against him and he squeaks) and he is more reserved and sticks to himself mostly, The White one is named Roddy he’s a bit reserved but nothing too much, he mostly prefers to interact with Levi but will sometimes interact with the other rats he can be sweet n such too though, and finally…

This is the first Rat he ever really rescued actually! He’s a light brown colored one and he’s definitely getting up there in age a lil bit but for a short name he’s called Cheddar but his long name is Judge Cheddar of the Council of Cheese, the only time he judges anything? Is when he doesn’t get a tiny bit of cheddar cheese (Levi usually gives it as a treat but not,, every time, he does keep it in moderation) but that’s it for his pets, try to hurt them or do anything bad to em he WILL fucking slaughter you if you don’t die during the longer much more extended version of the torture he’s going to give ya.