#leave my beautiful wife network tv out of this

[seasononesam]

Thank god changing channels came out in 2009 imagine if it was just a few seasons later and we had to see them parodying like…game of thrones and Netflix orginal tv shows

[betterbooktitles]

I had placed a stack of albums on the counter of a tiny strip mall record shop when my smartest writer friend called me out of the blue to tell me I should “always have a mistress.”

Relax. She meant a metaphorical mistress. That is, a writing project on the side. You have your main squeeze (a novel or a script) but then you flirt with the idea of writing a YA Romance or a Thriller or (god forbid) poetry. You need something to write that feels like a break from your “Big Project.”

I was staring at the cover of Tears for Fears’ Songs From The Big Chair, imagining the person I would be once I heard “Head Over Heels” on vinyl when my phone rang. I only had the ringer on because I was waiting for a potential call from a casting director. A certain late-night show sent out a casting notice for “shirtless man” and I, without any shame, turned on the lights in my wife’s office and had her take a few shots with my phone. I had the ringer on in case a stranger got my (half) nudes in an email, and said “That’s it! Get me that torso!” I’m sorry to say, enough time has passed without a call that you will not be seeing my chest on TV any time soon. Usually, my phone remains on silent when I’m out in the world. It also remains on silent when I’m at home because I’m staring at it all day anyway. Who needs to bring noise into that equation? If you call, I’ll see it.

Between the tone of her voice and the occasional swoosh of a car going by, I could tell my friend was driving and had me on speakerphone. She was on her way to lunch with someone on the business/agency side of Entertainment, heading to a mix of pleasurable banter over food with a friend but also a business-minded networking session with someone she hadn’t seen in 6 months. This call, pleasurable to me but in retrospect a bit of business since we talked instantly and almost entirely about work for 20 minutes, was eerily fortuitous. It was like she knew I was writing this week about work and relationships.

“You have the mistress project because it makes you feel young,” she said, telling me about her decision to write 50 pages of a Romance novel. “The problem is that you think ‘Maybe I should leave my wife for this younger project.’” She had submitted the first chunk of her frivolous manuscript to an agent, and, to her horror, the agent loved it. Now she has to live with it for a while. She has to explain to her previous project that they are either in a polyamorous marriage now or about to enter a trial separation. Plus, she had to see if the mistress project was wife material or if she’d fall into the same patterns as her previous relationship. OK. We get the metaphor.

“I’m afraid my new mistress is buying dollar records,” I said, watching the traffic go by, sipping from a lid-off paper cup full of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee that, between the time I’d spent looking at records and chatting in the parking lot, had turned cold. I felt the urge to rush back into the store and apologize to Timmy the manager for stepping out. I worried he’d already re-shelved my copy of The Go-Go’s Beauty And The Beat or that someone had seen the Tears For Fears on the top of “my” unpurchased heap and bought it for himself. This shopping trip was supposed to be an Artist Date (I guess the metaphor is still going), a weekly outing you do solo to engage with your Muse before journalling about it because a book called The Artist’s Way says it’s the only way to remain creative. You woo the Muse by engaging with art alone. Typically, I’d go to a museum or a movie by myself for my Artist Date but I’d had a record player for over 2 months and had only amassed a measly hundred-plus albums in my house so far. My next Artist Date will be a trip to IKEA to buy a shelf to hold more.

“No, Dan.” My brilliant friend said, ��Replacing your main project with records or books is like saying you’re not going to have a mistress and instead get into sex dolls. You need a creative project.”

Read the rest of the essay here.

[c-is-for-circinate]

For a long, large part of my life, being queer in a media landscape--finding queerness in a media landscape--has meant theft.

I'm a Fandom Old, somehow, these days, older than most and younger than some, in that way that's grown associated with grumpy crotchetyness and shotguns on porches and back in my day, we had to wade through our Yahoo Groups mailing lists uphill both ways, boring and irrelevant anecdotes from Back In Those Days when homophobia clearly worked differently than it does now, probably because we weren't trying hard enough. I've seen a lot of stories through the years. I've read a lot of fanfic. (More days than not, for the past twenty years. I've read a lot of fanfic.)

When people my age start groaning and sighing at conversations about representation and queerbaiting, when we roll our eyes and drag all the old war stories out again in the face of AO3 is terrible and Not Good Enough, so often what we say is: you Young Folks Today have no idea how hard, how scary, how limiting it was to be queer anywhere Back In Those Days. Including online, maybe especially online, including in a media landscape that hated us so much more than any one you've ever known. And that is true. Always and everywhere, again and again, it's true, we remember, it's true.

We don't talk so much about the joy of it.

Online fan spaces were my very first queer communities, ever. I was thirteen, I was fourteen, I was fifteen--I was a lonely, over-precocious "gifted kid" two years too young for my grade level in an all-girls' Catholic school in the suburbs--I lived in a world where gay people were a rumor and an insult and a news story about murder. I was straight, of course, obviously, because real people were straight and anyway I was weird enough already--I couldn't be two things strange, couldn't be gay too, but--well, I could read the stories. I could feel things about that. I would have those stories to help me, a few years later, when I knew I couldn't call myself straight any more.

And those stories were theft. There was never any doubt about that. We wrote disclaimers at the top of every fic, with the specter of Anne Rice's lawyers around every corner. We hid in back-corners of the internet, places you could only find through a link from a link from a link on somebody else's recs page, being grateful for the tiny single-fandom archives when you found them, grateful for the webrings where they existed. It was theft, all of it, the stories about characters we did not own, the videotaped episodes on your best friend's VHS player, one single episode pulled off of Limewire over the course of three days.

It was theft, we knew, to even try and find ourselves in these stories to begin with. How many fics did I read in those days about two men who'd always been straight, except for each other, in this one case, when love was stronger than sexual orientation? We stole our characters away from the heterosexual lives they were destined to have. We stole them away from writers and producers and TV networks who work overtime to shower them in Babes of the Week, to pretend that queerness was never even an option. This wasn't given to us. This wasn't meant for us. This wasn't ours to have, ever, ever in the first place. But we took it anyway.

And oh, my friends, it was glorious.

We took it. We stole. And again and again, for years and years and years, we turned that theft into an art. We looked for every opening, every crack in every sidewalk where a little sprout of queerness might grow, and we claimed it for our own and we grew whole gardens. We grew so sly and so skilled with it, learning to spot the hints of oh, this could be slashy in every new show and movie to come our way. Do you see how they left these character dynamics here, unattended on the table? How ripe they are for the pocketing. Here, I'll help you carry them. We'll make off with these so-called straight boys, and we only have to look back if somebody sets out another scene we want for our own.

We were thieves, all of us, and that was fine and that was fair, because to exist as queer in the world was theft to begin with. Stolen time, stolen moments--grand larceny of the institution of marriage, breaking and entering to rob my mother's hopes for grandchildren. Every shoplifted glance at the wrong person in the locker room (and it didn't matter if we never peeked, never dared, they called us out on it anyway). Every character in every fic whose queerness became a crime against this ex-wife, that new love interest. Every time we dared steal ourselves away from the good straight partners we didn't want to date.

And: we built ourselves a den, we thieves, wallpapered in stolen images and filled to the brim with all the words we'd written ourselves. We built ourselves a home, and we filled it with joy. Every vid and art and fic, every ship, every squee. Over and over, every straight boy protagonist who abandoned all womankind for just this one exception with his straight boy protagonist partner found gay orgasms and true love at the end.

Over and over, we said: this isn't ours, this isn't meant to be ours, you did not give this to us--but we are taking it anyway. We will burglarize you for building blocks and build ourselves a palace. These stories and this place in the world is not for us, but we exist, and you can't stop us. It's ours now, full of color and noise, a thousand peoples' ideas mosaic'ed together in celebration. We made this, and it will never be just yours again. You won't ever truly get it back, no matter how many lawyers you send, not completely. We keep what we steal.

.

Things shifted over time, of course. That's good. That's to be celebrated. Nobody should have to steal to survive. It should not be a crime, should not feel like a crime, to find yourself and your space in the world.

There were always content creators who could slip a little wink in when they laid out their wares, oh what's this over here, silly me leaving this unattended where anybody could grab it, of course there might be more over by the side door if you come around the alleyway (but if anybody asks, you didn't get this from ME). We all watched Xena marry Gabrielle, in body language and between the lines. We sat around and traded theories and rumors about whether the people writing Due South knew what they were doing when they sent their buddy cops off into the frozen north alone together at the end of the show, if they'd done it on purpose, if they knew. But over the years, slowly, thankfully, the winks became less sly.

A teenage boy put his hand on another teenage boy's hand and said, you move me, and they kissed on network TV, in a prime-time show, on FOX, and the world didn't burn down. Here and there, where they wanted to, where they could without getting caught by their bosses and managers, content creators stopped subtly nudging people around the back door and started saying, "Here. This is on offer here too, on purpose. You get to have this, too."

And of course, of course that came with a whole host of problems too. Slide around to the back door but you didn't get this from me turned into it's an item on our special menu, totally legit, you've just got to ask because the boss throws a fit if we put it out front. Shopkeepers and content creators started advertising on the sly, come buy your fix here!, hiding the fine print that says you still have to take what you've purchased home and rebuild it with your semi-legal IKEA hacks. Maybe they'll consider listing that Destiel or Sterek as a full-service menu item next year. Is that Crowley/Aziraphale the real thing or is it lite?

And those problems are real and the conversations are worth having, and it's absolutely fair to be frustrated that you can't find the ship you want on sale in anything like your color and size in a vast media landscape packed full of discount hetships and fast-fashion m/f. It's fair to be angry. It's fair to be frustrated. Queerbait is a word that exists for a reason.

There's a part of me that hurts, though, every time the topic comes up. It's a confusing, bad-mannered part of me, but it's still very real. And it's not because I'm fawning for crumbs, trying to be the Good, Non-Threatening Gay. It's not that I'm scared and traumatized by the thought of what might happen if we dare raise our voices and ask for attention. (Well. Not mostly. I'll always remember being quiet and scared and fifteen, but it's been a long two decades since then. I know how to ask for a hell of a lot more now.)

It's because I remember that cozy, plush-wallpapered den of joyful thieves. I remember you keep what you steal.

Every single time--every time--when a story I love sets a couple of characters out on a low, unguarded table, perfectly placed to be pilfered on the sly and taken home and smushed together like a couple of dolls, my very first thought is always, always joy. Always, that instinct says, yay! Says, this is ours now. As soon as I go home and crawl into that pillow-fort den, my instincts say, I will surely find people already at work combing through spoils and finding new ways to combine them, new ways to make them our own. I know there's fic for that. I've already seen fic for that, and I wasn't really interested last time, but the new store display's got my brain churning, and I can't wait to see what the crew back at the hideout does with this.

Every time, that's where my brain goes. And oh, when I realize the display's put out on purpose, that somebody snuck in a legitimate special menu item, when the proprietor gives me the nod and wink and says, you don't have to come around the side, I know it's not much but here--there is so much joy and relief and hope in me from that! Oh, what we can make with these beautiful building blocks. Oh what a story we can craft from the pieces. Oh, the things we can cobble together. Look at that, this one's a little skimpy on parts but we can supplement it, this one's got a whole outline we can fill in however we want. This one technically comes semi-preassembled, and that's boring as shit and a pain to take back apart, but that's fine, we'll manage. We're artists and thieves. I bet someone's pulling out the AU saw to cut it to pieces already.

And then I get back to our den, which has moved addresses a dozen times over the years and mostly hangs out on Tumblr now (and the roof leaks and the landlord's sketchy as fuck but at least they don't charge rent, and we've made worse places our own). And I show up, ready for joy--ready for a dozen other people who saw that low-hanging fruit on that unguarded table, who got the nod and wink about the special menu item, who're ready to get so excited about this newest haul. Did you see what we picked up? The theft was so easy, practically begging to be stolen. The last owner was an idiot with no idea what to do with it. The last owner knew exactly what it could become, bless their heart, under a craftsman with more time on their hands, so they looked away on purpose at just the right time to let me take it home. I show up every time ready for our space, the place that fed me on joy and self-confidence when I was fifteen and starving. The place that taught me, yes, we are thieves, because it is RIGHT to take what we need, and the beautiful things we create are their own justification. We are thieves, and that's wonderful, because nothing is handed to us and that means we get to build our own palaces. We get to keep everything we steal.

I go home, and even knowing the world is different, my instincts and heart are waiting for that. And I walk in the door, and I look at my dash, and I glance over at twitter, and--

And people are angry, again. Angry at the slim pickings from the hidden special menu. So, so tired and angry, at once again having to steal.

And they're right to be! Sometimes (often, maybe) I think they're angry at the wrong people--more angry with the shopkeeper who offers the bite-sized sampler platter of side characters or sneaks their queer content in on the special menu than the ones who don't include it at all. But it's not wrong to be mad that Disney's once again advertising their First Gay Character only to find out it's a tiny sprinkle of a one-line extra on an otherwise straight sundae. It's not wrong to be furious at the world because you've spent your whole life needing to be a thief to survive. It's far from wrong. I'm angry about it too.

But this was my den of thieves, my chop shop, my makerspace. Growing up in fandom, I learned to pick the locks on stories and crack the safes of subtext at the very same time I learned to create. They were the same thing, the same art. We are thieves, my heart says, we are thieves, and that's what makes us better than the people we steal from. We deconstruct every time we create. We build better things out of the pieces.

And people are angry that the pre-fab materials are too hard to find, the pickings too slim, the items on sale too limited? Yes, of course they are, of course they should be--but my heart. Oh, my heart. Every single time, just a little bit, it breaks.

Of course the stories are terrible (they have always been terrible). Of course they are, but we are thieves. We steal the best parts and cobble them back together and what we make is better than it was before. The craftsman's eye that cases a story for weak points, for blank spaces, for anywhere we can fit a crowbar and pry apart this casing--that's skill and art and joy. Of course we shouldn't have to, of course we shouldn't have to, but I still love it. I still want it, crave it. I still thrill every time I see it, a story with hairline cracks that we can work open with clever hands to let the queer in.

That used to be cause for celebration, around here. I ask him to go back to the ruins of Aeor with me, two men together alone on an expedition in the frozen north, it feels like a gift. And I understand why some people take it as an insult. I understand not good enough. I understand how something can feel like a few drops of water to someone dying of thirst, like a slap in the face. If it was so easy to sneak it hidden onto the special menu, to place it on the unguarded side table for someone else to run off to, why not let it sit out front and center in the first place? I know it's frustrating. It should be. We should fight. We should always fight. I know why.

But my heart, oh, my heart. My heart only knows what it's been taught. My heart sees, this thing right here, the proprietor left it there for you with a nod and a wink because they Get It. It's not put together yet, but it's better that way anyway. It's so full of pieces to pull apart and reassemble. I bet they've got a whole mosaic wall going up at home already. We can bring it home and make it OURS, more than it was ever theirs, forget half of what it came from and grow a new garden in what remains.

And I go home to find anger, and my heart breaks instead.

[bodyswapmischief]

Jiggalo In Trouble

Well, I don't fucking know what to do. You see ... this isn't my body. This morning I was a hairy, obese, 50 year old man. Not, this muscled, latino, bad boy you see now.

You could say my life was pathetically tragic. I grew up in a time and place where I couldn't be myself. I was gay but, stayed deep in the closet. I even forced myself to marry a woman and have 3 beautiful children. I had a decent life and most days I was happy. But, I always knew I was lying to the ones I love. Yet, I knew the truth could never come out. I had to live the rest of my life playing a straight man.

But, there was always one thing on my bucket list. I wanted to have a sex with a man. Just once, and I could die happy. I tried many times, with gay dating apps, but I always chickened out at the last minute.

But, then the opportunity showed itself. I was selected by my boss to go to Las Vegas, for a work related convention. I would be the repsentive for this branch at some booths, panels, and meetings that were going to happen.

It didn't seem to stressful. Working for the company for so long, I knew I would be able to handle it. But, what I was really excited for was the possibilites. "Whatever happens in Vegas; stays in Vegas."

So, I get there and I work at the convention. It was okay. I met some cool people. I networked. But, the long days always left me tired. I had no time or energy to look for a fast one night stand. Or maybe that was just an excuse for me chickening out again. Outside of the convention, I just spent my time eating at th hotels buffet and watching TV in my hotel room.

As the paid trip was coming to an end, I had a free day all to myself. It started off the same. I went to the buffet and ate till I was full. Then I waddled back to my room. Looking through my suitcase, I saw my special clothes I packed. In case I did manage to get the courage to do a one stand, I pack some leather gear. I sighed disappointed in myself for chickening out.

But, a thought popped in my mind. I might not have the courage to have sex with a stranger. But, I could walk around the casino dressed up as a fat leather daddy. I put on the tight leather pants. I put on a plain white shirt and leather vest. I looked at the mirror and smiled. Finally, I could express myself. I put on the rest of my gear and sighed. My heart was racing. And then I opened my hotel room door.

No one was around so, I walked into the elevator. Through the sound of my heartbeat, I was screaming inside my mind. "What the FUCK am I doing." As the elevator went down people started getting in. I wanted to cry, I was so embarrassed. But, nobody said anything. No one laughed or said something mean. Some people even smiled at me. I began to relax. I began to feel happy and maybe even sexy.

It felt like the stars aligned. And maybe they did. I went to see some shows. I ate at the buffet. I got compliments from guys. I got some numbers and some invites to clubs. I even danced with some guys at a leather bar. But, I knew I wasn't going to take the next step. I was still scared. And, it was getting late. With beer in my stomach and altering my mind. I stopped at the slot machines and put a coin in, before going to my room. And, luck really was on my side. As the machine lit up, it announced I won the 20,000 dollar grand prize. I was still drunk. Staff and other people surrounded me. They were cheering and giving me balloons, a crown, and the check to collect my winnings when I was ready.

I got up, still tipsy, and stumbled a little bit. People laughed and cheered little bit. The staff slide the check into my vest pocket. "Don't worry I got him." A hot young man came to myside. He used his strength to help me stand. He had tattoos on his arms. He was wearing a tight shirt and pants. A gold chain hung from his neck.

Everyone dispersed as this Latin stud led me to the elevator. "Okay, Papi, what room are you in." To drunk I just handed him my key card. He lead me to my room and laid me on the bed. He started taking off my clothes. I don't fight back. In my drunk mind this is the fantasy I always wanted. "Okay big boy, it looks like your going to get luck again tonight."

I can't see over my giant stomach but, I could feel him take off my pants then underwear. Suddenly, I felt him push my fat pad and start sucking my dick. He started off slow and I moaned with pleasure. He kept sucking using his tongue to play with the head of my penis. My breathing became heavier and the pleasure starts to sober me up. I felt my dick about to burst with cum. I tried to warn him but he ignores me. And, I shoot my load into his mouth. I gasped in ecstasy.

Suddenly, I felt a dick in my mouth. My mouth is covered with semen, as the dick keep pulsating with cum. I swallowed what I could and then took it out of my mouth. Right in front of me was a familiar sight. I saw my penis surrounded by my fatty pelvic region. From this outside perspective I could see how fat I really was? I look down and saw that I'm in the young man's body. My dick was rock hard and my body was now lighter and stronger. Adrenalin rushed through my muscles. Tattoos covered the body.

My body finally started talking, "Like what you see?"

"What did you do to me ... to us?"

"You see I'm a juggalo and I saw you ... a man who needed to get lucky, if you know what I mean. And, after tonight's big win down stairs I know you have the money to pay me."

"But... but.... I'm in your body and you ..."

"Oh, I have a fetish. I like giving men the opportunity to be me. I mean look at you now you are stud. You are turned on just by being in that body. Just existing in that body is orgasmic for you. So, that makes sex so much better, at least for me. And, then experiencing new bodies is always fun. I haven't been in a person this fat in awhile. And your breast are so sensitive. Oh, and this tight asshole. What do you say do you want to fuck yourself, with my body."

My old body spreaded its legs, revealing its asshole. My dick was raging hard. I slowly inserted my long dark dick. It felt so good. I started going a little faster. I watch as the muscles in my caramel body flexed and relaxed. The whole experience was hot. I started touching my old body the way I knew I liked to be touched.

"Fuck this is so good. Faster, faster, faster." My old body cried out. Feeling the strength of the muscled body, I go full speed. Both of our bodies were sweating, panting, moaning. Then everything stopped, as we both cummed.

We laid side by side, a big smile on my face. My old fat body started kissing my buff chest and then up my neck. "Let me freshen up, and then it's my turn to fuck you." He whispered sexually.

I watched as he struggled to get to his feet and then as he waddled to the bathroom. I laid there exploring my new body. My dick already getting hard from my excitement.

Then, I heard the front room door open. A man with a gun walked in.

"Fuck Enrique! Cover up or something." My heart racing, I grabbed a blanket and put it over my naked body. "Good, now this is you last fucking chance. The boss wants his money and necklace back"

"You ... you ... I'm... um." I try to talk but I can't think straight. The man walked closer and grabbed me by the neck. He started choking me. I tried to fight back. But, then he grabs me by the balls. He starts squeezing them. The pain is intense, I lay still. "Good now talk or I ripped out your prized possessions." He says as he pulls out a blade.

Then from the corner of my eye, I saw my old body enter the room. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Ryan leave him alone. It's me Enrique. He has nothing to do with this."

The man on top of me looks over his shoulder. "Really!? Your in that fatass. I guess it suits you for being such a pig in the first place." He laughed. "So, where's the boss's money."

"Here, I have part of it here. This guy just won it big downstairs. And, with access to his memories, I have access to his bank accounts." Enrique smiles.

The man begins to aim his gun at Enrique. "What ... what are you doing. I ... I have the money." Enrique starts to panic.

"What is your name," the man motions to me. "Andrew," I nervously replied. The man turns his attention back at Enrique. "No you don't have the money. You have Andrew's money. The boss is fucking tired of your shit. God! I've been waiting to do this for so long," with that last word Enrique, in my body, was shot in the head. Blood splattered on the wall and was quickly pooling on the floor. I saw in shock as my old body laid thier lifeless. What the fuck was going to happen, now.

The man walks to me and I prepare for the worst. Instead, he just ripped the golden chain from my neck. "Well it looks like it your lucky day. You got an upgrade on your body.." He said, as he looked down at me. "Don't worry about your old life. There is no going back now. I'll make sure your wife and kids get what you saved in your bank and I'm pretty sure the boss will throw a little extra."

"S ... so your just going to let me go?," I asked.

"Yeah, why not? You didn't do anything wrong., besides cheating. But, we've all been there. Plus, that body has made a lot of enemies so, you won't exactly have a peaceful life. Don't get me wrong the boss will spread the word of what really happened to Enrique, but some people just really like seeing the actual body dead. So, take your winnings and find some small town to lay low and start a new life."

A new life, one that was in constant danger. This seemed more like a punishment, but in a way I guessed I deserved it. I could never go back to my old life. I knew at this point there was no use in protesting. "What about him I pointed to my dead body."

."Oh, he was a pig in life. Now he's being tortured as a fatass in hell. But, if you are talking about the body; well we have people who will take care of that. So, I recommend leaving as soon as possible."

The man patted me on the back and started to leave. "Good luck with your new life. But, if things get to out of hand for you or you are in desperate need for a job give me a call." He places a business card on the desk, before he leaves.

Now, I'm sitting here. Memories flood my mind. I saw every bad thing this body did. Using that necklace, the man took, to rob people of everything they owned, even killing people in the process. I looked at my hands, then my arms, and then my muscular torso. I had my dream body, but at what cost. I look at this memories with disgust, I knew that I wasn't capable of those acts. But, it didn't matter, the memories felt so real.

I hear a buzzing sound and snap back to reality. I start putting on Enriques clothes and feel a cell phone. It buzzes again. LAST WARNING: Destroy this phone and get out of there now!. I easily snap the phone in half and submerge the broken pieces into a nearby glass with water. I take the the business card and walked out of the room. I didn't know where I was going. I just knew Las Vegas was no longer safe for me. I need to get some where far and collect my thoughts about what the fuck happened.

[let-it-raines]

Ok you probably saw this coming but now I need to see Emma and Killian working together - how it works, what they do, people’s reactions, everything pretty please!? 😊 (Assuming that is what you were alluding to? 😉)

I am...behind in Catch Me If You Can extras. I had about a million and two in my head since I love this universe most of all, and then life happened and I took some time off from writing. But nevertheless, here I am with a short little extra of the two of them being commentators together! I think they’ll probably have some pretty good on-camera chemistry, don’t you? 

ao3 | here |

-/-

March 2026

“Do you think I should wear my uniform?”

“What?” Emma yells.

“Do you think I should wear my uniform?” Killian repeats, trying his hardest not to yell since Emma is one room over.

He hears Emma before he sees her, and she pops her head into the closet with her brows furrowed together and her head cocked to the side. She’s got her hair in curlers, only one eye has mascara, and her portable breast pump is attached to her. She’s a sight for sore eyes, and he couldn’t imagine a more beautiful woman if he tried.

“You’re kidding, right?” she asks, and she obviously did not find his joke funny.

Killian shrugs. “Why would I be kidding? Look at this section of the closet. It’s all my uniforms and t-shirts and joggers. I have more Yankees-branded clothes than regular clothes, and I feel like it would be fitting to wear something that paid homage to my time as a player.”

Emma’s head recoils and she shakes her head, little lines popping up on her forehead. “You’re wearing the fitted navy suit, white shirt, matching navy tie, and you have a Yankees pin to put on your lapel. Didn’t the network go over this with you?”

“No, not at all.”

Her eyes narrow, like little slits of impending death, and if she could cross her arms over her chest, she would. He knows it. “You’re fucking with me, and I don’t appreciate it.”

“Come on. I know you do, love.”

“I don’t.”

Killian sighs and walks over to her, tilting his head and curling the corners of his lips. He blinks, slowly, and stares at Emma as he waits for her to smile. When she doesn’t, he places his hands on her hips and traces his lips across her neck, gently enough to not leave a mark or any trace of his stubble. If he messes up her makeup, she likely will murder him and get away with it. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Emma.”

“Killian.”

He presses a long kiss against the lobe of her ear and runs his hand down her back. “If you don’t want to have this argument on television, I feel like now might be the time we need to have it.”

“That seems like, ah – emotional blackmail.”

Killian nips down at her ear before pulling back, dipping his head so they’re eye level as he tucks a loose strand behind her ear. “You okay?”

“Honestly?”

“Always.”

“I’m a little worried that my boobs are going to start leaking on TV and that we’re going to have no chemistry together and also that we’re going to have to stop the broadcast because MJ is having a meltdown and Jace is having a meltdown because his sister is having a meltdown. And honestly, I feel like life was a lot simpler when you were lying to me about having a shoulder injury and my ex-boyfriend and your father were creating a smear campaign against us that made national headlines and nearly ruined our lives.”

Killian chuckles. He can’t help it, and he knows his wife wants to knee him in the balls for it, but he really cannot help himself. She’s stressed, and she shouldn’t be. If anything, he should be the one shitting himself because he’s the one doing something new today. But he knows better than to say that when he’s not the one who feels like he has to balance ten different jobs at once.

Emma keeps putting everything on her shoulders, like she’s the only one who can carry the stress, but he wants to carry the burdens as well. That is how their marriage works.

“You know, when you put it like that, it makes me realize our lives have never been boring. And life was probably simpler then, but none of what you’re fearing now is going to happen.”

“Really? You can guarantee that my boobs aren’t going to leak and that our children aren’t going to have meltdowns? Margot is three months old. All she does is have meltdowns and all my boobs do is leak when I get off this stupid feeding schedule because my body is only a feeding machine right now.”

Killian tilts his head and smiles. “I can guarantee we’re going to have chemistry working together.”

Emma scoffs and rolls her eyes. “You’re just saying that because you’re happy to have a job again.”

Killian shrugs and kisses Emma’s cheek. “Well, I need something to do until Jace and MJ are old enough for me to coach all of their teams.”

“Killian Jones, former three-time World Series Champion, spends his days getting yelled at by overinvolved parents of seven-year-olds at baseball and ballet and fly fishing.”

“Doesn’t sound too different from my playing days. Also, fly fishing?”

“I didn’t want to limit them. We don’t know what their hobbies are going to be.”

“Too true, love. I have a feeling they’ll be trying everything they can get their hands on.”

Emma huffs and taps her knuckles over Killian’s chest. The smile she’s been hiding starts poking out. “Tonight, do you think we can get Mary Margaret and David to watch the kids, and you and I go on a date? Like, a real one where we get dressed up and go out and have full intentions to have sex afterward but really, we go to bed early and wake up feeling like humans again.”

“You are speaking my language.” Killian’s hand falls to Emma’s waist and inches back to give her ass a quick squeeze. “Go finish getting ready. You’re going to make me late to my first day on the job.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I might later.”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Jace wanders into the closet as Killian is buttoning his shirt – the white button down and not his jersey – and he starts a long, very detailed conversation about the pros and cons of peanut butter with peanuts and without, and Killian does his best to pay attention to him and keep him occupied as Emma gets ready. That mostly means Jace tries climbing up on the shelves and grabbing Emma’s things, and after Killian is dressed and his hair is tamed enough, he picks Jace up and takes him to get dressed. The lucky kid doesn’t have to wear a suit. He gets to wear a Yankees sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, and his hair, curly mess that it is, will never be tamed. The baby monitor on Killian’s phone goes off, telling him Margot is up from her nap, and he takes Jace with him to MJ’s nursery to get her ready as well. Ariel is watching the two of them up in the suite today, bless her, and she’ll likely watch them for every game. They wanted to hire a nanny, but Ariel insisted that there were enough people to watch all the kids during the games. That’s a lie considering they’re all old and most of them have procreated now, so the kids far outnumber the adults.

It’s like a madhouse in their suite, and Killian could barely handle it when he only had Jace.

“Hello, little love,” Killian tells MJ as he changes her out of her pajamas and into the outfit Emma laid out. “Are you ready for your first baseball game? You don’t even know how much you’re about to have to watch this game. It’s going to be your entire life, whether you like it or not.”

“Where’s Will?” Jace asks.

“Big Will or little Will?”

“Little.”

“Where’d you leave him?” Killian asks as he pulls MJ’s pants up. “You had him while eating breakfast, so he might be in the kitchen.”

“Can I go check?”

“Give me a minute.”

“Too long.”

Killian chuckles and tries hurrying to dress Margot as she squirms and moves as much as anyone as small as her can, and he keeps his eye on Jace as he goes through the books in Margot’s room. She’s got a wall of them, something Emma saw on Pinterest and wanted to do, and while they’re supposed to be displayed nicely, Jace always has other ideas.

Thankfully, Emma’s heels start clicking down the hall, and she appears in the room, a vision in a cream dress that hugs her curves and heels that will definitely distract him for the rest of the day. Killian lets out a low whistle, and she rolls her eyes. “You’re a vision, darling.”

“Pretty, Mama,” Jace agrees.

“Thank you, baby.” Emma pulls her hand out from behind her back and Will the stuffed red lobster appears. She is magical, Killian swears. “I hear you’re looking for Will.”

“Thank you,” he squeals, moving from the books and toward Emma to get the lobster.

“You guys ready to go?” Emma asks. “You look nice, babe.”

“Better than I do in my uniform?”

Emma laughs. “Well, I like your ass in both.”

“Ass,” Jace squeals, and Emma covers her mouth, eyes wide.

“We’re ruining them,” she whispers behind her hands. “I can’t believe I did that.”

Killian chuckles and picks MJ up, holding her in the crook of his arm. “Blame it on Will if Jace says it in public.”

“You’re horrible.”

“I’m not the one who is teaching our son curse words while talking about how attracted I am to my husband’s behind.”

“Let’s just go,” Emma laughs, taking MJ from him and fussing with her hair. “We’re going to be late.”

They’re not late.

They’re not even close to late. They get to the stadium ahead of time, drop the kids off with Ariel, and they have time to sneak into the clubhouse and say hello to Will, Eric, Rob, and the rest of the guys. They’re in the middle of doing press and warm-ups, and Killian has to dodge questions of his own. His time as a baseball player is over, and two years later, that’s still hard for him to accept. It’s reality, however, and he ignores the ache in his chest and threads his fingers together with Emma as they leave the clubhouse and move to the production booth to do all of their pre-game tests. Emma is a natural, and he has to remind himself this is what she’s done for years. It’s her job, and she’s damn good at it. It’s his job now, too, but this isn’t what he was meant to do. He was meant to be out on the field, not behind the glass.

That’s the past. This isn’t. It’s the here and now.

And he’s thankful to still be involved in the game that has shaped his life.

“You’re going to be great,” Emma promises, reaching over and pressing her hand over his. “We’ve done practice runs. You’ve done this before. All you have to do is talk to me and talk about baseball. That’s literally what you already do every single day.”

“Hey now, I do have things in my life I love besides you and baseball. I also enjoy my kids and baking and complaining about different aches after I’ve exercised.”

“Well, you can talk about those things too.”

“Even the time I think I pulled a muscle in my ass?”

Emma rolls her eyes and adjusts her microphone. “I know I made you feel all good about it earlier, but stop talking about your ass.”

“Actually,” Ruby says from her spot behind the camera, “I feel like that would make our ratings go up.”

Killian shakes his head and chuckles, rolling in his chair and straightening his back as Emma does the same, adjusting her dress and not-so-slightly checking to see if she’s started leaking. Just another day in the life for them. Ruby holds up her fingers, counting down to the camera starting to roll, and Killian looks at Emma, waiting for her to begin.

“Hi, my name is Emma Jones, and I’m here with a familiar face to most of you. I’m thrilled to welcome former Yankees starting pitcher, three-time World Series Champion, two-time Cy Young Award winner, an eight-time All Star, and most impressively, the father of my children and my husband, Killian Jones. He’ll be working with me all season long, and I promise you he got the job all on his own merit. It has nothing to do with any strings I’ve pulled.”

“Well, that sounds a little suspicious, love.”

“Only if you point it out.”

Killian laughs and turns away from Emma to look at the camera. “I’m thrilled to be working with Emma and the rest of the crew this season, as well as getting to mercilessly critique my former teammates. Scarlet, I’m looking at you.”

“Welcome to Opening Day,” Emma chuckles, squeezing his hand under the desk, and his racing heart settles, the beat staying in the settled place where it always is with Emma by his side. No matter how much he wants to be out on the field and no matter how much he still misses it, he cannot imagine a place where he’d rather be right now. “Let’s look at this highlight reel of last season, and then we’ll talk about all the roster changes for this season. I think it’s going to be a good one.”

-/-

-/-

CMIYC tag list: @mrtinski @bluewildcatfanatic @killianswannn @sherifemma @onepunintendid @authorarsinoe @stunningswan @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @galadriel26 @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @superchocovian @sals86 @iam2307 @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings @carpedzem @tornadoamy @captainkillianswanjones @captain-emmajones

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National Enquirer, October 26

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover Story: Death Mysteries -- Whitney Houston autopsy cover-up; Kenny Rogers��� body is missing 

Page 2: Reba McEntire’s new romance with Rex Linn convinced Kelly Clarkson she needed to walk away from her unhappy marriage -- while Reba’s love life was heating up Kelly’s relationship with husband Brandon Blackstock who is Reba’s former stepson was hitting the rocks and Kelly remained very close with Reba and Reba would tell her how happy Rex had made her

Page 3: Control freak Tom Cruise is a basket case after he couldn’t charm Cher into leaving their steamy fling out of her upcoming memoir and the image-conscious actor was so panicky over Cher spilling their sexy secrets that he personally called her -- they had a strong physical attraction when they met at a White House event back in the ‘80s and eventually they hooked up and it was very hot and very intense and over in a matter of weeks but it left a nice impression on Cher so she only has good things to say about their relationship but what happened between them could prove very embarrassing if it got out and Tom doesn’t want that to happen -- unfortunately for Tom Cher wouldn’t say anything about what she intends to write and wouldn’t promise to leave Tom out and that’s made Tom even more paranoid and he’s wondering if he’s going to have to take legal action

Page 4: Kanye West is keeping a secret divorce diary to use against wife Kim Kardashian and its potential dishy dirt has her famous family quaking in their boots -- Kanye’s convinced Kim’s about the kick him to the curb and is putting together collateral to crush her and her family is the couple spirals into a $2.2 billion divorce, Jennifer Garner at 48 is flaunting her best body ever and her motivation is to compete with ex-husband Ben Affleck’s 32-year-old girlfriend Ana de Armas because Jen was tired of hearing how Ben’s fallen head over heels for Ana and wanted to remind him what he’s missing -- Jen’s always been very confident of her looks but she decided to step out of mom mode to remind everyone how hot she still is 

Page 5: Devastated Lisa Marie Presley has been relying on an old pal Smashing Pumpkins rocker Billy Corgan to repair her shattered life in the wake of the suicide of her son -- Lisa Marie and Billy were spotted together at Graceland not long ago and he’s been a huge source of support for her -- though they were rumored to have had a romance in 2018 Billy’s fully committed to his baby mama fashion designer Chloe Mendel and Lisa Marie would like nothing better for them to make beautiful music again but she knows he’s taken and she needs his friendship more than ever. 

Page 6: Ambitious anchor Gayle King is calling the shots at CBS This Morning after executive producer Diana Miller quit in the latest backstage shake-up; there was tension between Gayle and Diana and now Diana is gone -- it’s like the show gave Gayle the keys to the car and even if she runs it into a ditch the network gives her more power -- Gayle also clashed with former co-host Norah O’Donnell who successfully snagged the anchor chair at CBS Evening News but Norah hasn’t wowed in the ratings and it’s a matter of time before Gayle gets the coveted job 

Page 7: The mystery over the fate of country great Kenny Rogers’ body has left his own family members in the dark -- sources close to the singer said he’d been cremated while others charged his body is still on ice and Kenny’s body is missing as far as most people are concerned and there’s no place fans can go and pay their respects -- it’s most likely he’s been cremated and the ashes have yet to be scattered but there have also been whispers in certain circles that he could have been cryogenically frozen to preserve his body for a later date, many of Hollywood’s biggest names are abandoning Tinseltown to escape the COVID-19 pandemic and a collapsing entertainment industry -- Julia Roberts hightailing it to San Francisco and Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson getting citizenship in Greece and Pierce Brosnan put his Malibu mansion on the market and Jim Cameron is peddling his prized L.A. compound

Page 8: Frustrated Jon Stewart’s plans to reinvent himself as the next Steven Spielberg have flopped and he’s pretty unhappy about it and he wants to be viewed as a respected serious filmmaker but he’s hit more roadblocks than he ever saw as a comedian or talk show host -- he was left fuming when Irresistible his latest outing as a director was met by mediocre reviews and limited to pay-per-view and streaming services last summer even with box office draw and best buddy Steve Carell in the cast -- he could snap his fingers and get any TV project but he’s setting his sights much higher and he’s walked away from millions of dollars to go back to TV because he wants to prove he is a creative force in the film industry 

Page 9: Frustrated Brad Pitt is threatening to have ex Angelina Jolie dragged to jail if she refuses to end her harassment campaign against him and hash out a divorce and custody agreement and he’s had it with Angie’s intimidation tactics and is fed up with being labeled a bad dad and it’s no exaggeration to say Brad’s scared of Angie and he wants professional witnesses around them at all times when he attempts to see their children but for Brad though it would be the ultimate revenge to see Angie led away in handcuffs, Nashville legend Travis Tritt is trying to keep up with country music’s up-and-comers by getting a lift from plastic surgery and recent photos show the 57-year-old almost unrecognizable with a line-free face and skin as tight as a drum -- Travis is getting ready to put out his first album of new music in more than ten years and it’s hard to blame the guy when he’s completing against singers 30 years younger 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Julia Garner got a touch-up on the Staten Island set of Inventing Anna, Reverend Run visited a mural of slain Run-DMC bandmate Jam Master Jay in NYC’s Hollis Queens, Vanessa Paradis and daughter Lily-Rose Depp in Paris

Page 11: Lovestruck Chrissy Metz is already talking marriage and babies with newly unveiled beau Bradley Collins but she has a history of falling for guys fast which has previously been a recipe for heartbreak and while nobody’s doubting Bradley’s intentions there’s a lot of confusion about why they kept their romance totally hidden until now, the devastating fire that tore through Rachael Ray’s home has made her reassess her life and she and husband John Cusimano are now considering adopting a baby -- losing so many of their possessions in the fire made them realize they weren’t all that important anyway so they bulldozed the house and are rebuilding and the word is they’ll add a nursery

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Danny Trejo cuddled a rescue pup (picture), Lizzo is the first plus-sized Black woman to ever grace the cover of Vogue but pulling off the shoot was a challenge with most designers unable to find clothes that fit her, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are very private and they’re livid with Lance Bass after he confirmed that they had another baby, when he was NBC’s biggest star Matt Lauer conducted almost every high-profile interview and now editors and doing a lot of cropping and zooming to preserve archived footage while removing Matt 

Page 14: Crime 

Page 15: Rock guitar god Eddie Van Halen who tragically died after a brave battle with cancer wanted to be buried with one of his Frankenstrat guitars that he created to define his signature sound -- Eddie felt like he owed his whole life to that instrument and he loved that thing as much as his family, Perez Hilton dished he kissed notorious skirt-chaser John Mayer in a New York nightclub and the lip-lock happened right in front of John’s then girlfriend Jessica Simpson who didn’t seem to know whether she was incredibly embarrassed or really turned on

Page 16: Cover Story -- explosive new autopsy evidence proves superstar Whitney Houston didn’t have to die -- eight years after she passed mysteries about her final moments and blatant blunders at the death scene point to murder and a shocking coverup and now investigators are demanding a new probe into the 2012 tragedy in a Los Angeles hotel bathroom and for Whitney’s body to be exhumed -- a private eye believes the autopsy proves Whitney was murdered but the case was never pursued because she was dismissed as a druggie and she was marginalized by law enforcement as a dead drug user 

Page 18: American Life

Page 19: Horror movie legend John Saxon’s family started battling over his fortune even before he passed on July 25 -- in legal papers filed in May his son Antonio claimed the actor’s third wife Gloria Martel had been pocketing money against John’s wishes, Netflix faces criminal charges in Texas over the controversial film Cuties -- according to court documents a Tyler County grand jury indicted Netflix claiming it knowingly promoted visual material that depicts the lewd exhibition of the private parts of a clothed or partially clothed child younger than 18 -- Netflix said in a statement that Cuties is a social commentary about the sexualization of young children and this charge is without merit 

Page 20: Suzanne Somers recently cheated death when she and husband Alan Hamel fell down a flight of stairs at their Palm Springs home and although Alan wasn’t seriously injured the terrifying spill left Suzanne in agony with two displaced vertebrae and forced her to undergo delicate neck surgery but she said the surgery went off without a hitch and promised she is on the mend, Hollywood Hookups -- Sofia Richie has unfollowed Scott Disick on Instagram, Zac Efron hopes to marry Vanessa Valladares, Sharon Stone and Mindy Kaling are both on the market 

Page 21: Twelve years after she was placed under conservatorship Britney Spears remains unable to sign her own name on official documents -- Britney recently made moves asking to allow a different financial group to step in and help run her life as well as gain more freedom but lawyer Andrew Wallet said Britney to this day does not have the capacity to sign documents and make decisions for herself and she is susceptible to undue influences, the audience for the Saturday Night Live season premiere came away with more than just a few yuks they also received $150 because to get around New York State pandemic guidelines SNL gave each guest a parting gift of $150 paychecks as if they were employees, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle may soon have a new neighbor in heavy metal maniac Tommy Lee -- the drummer was recently spotted checking out a $2.3 million three-acre plot next to the rogue royals’ $14 million home in Montecito and he was obviously pumped about living there but building the tattooed rocker’s home would mean tons of truck traffic and hopefully Harry and Meghan don’t get upset with the building work he’s planning 

Page 22: ABC is reeling from a barrage of allegations from employees and on-air talent who’ve blasted it as a toxic and racist working environment -- the network which is owned by the family-friendly Walt Disney Corporation was rocked when Sunny Hostin the popular co-host of The View accused company executives of institutional and personal racism in her memoir and in later interviews about the book

Page 26: Lonely country singer Kenny Chesney is looking to find a new ladylove and is talking about finally settling down for good -- he is unhappily single after his eight-year relationship with model Mary Nolan hit the rocks -- he spends all the time he’s not on the road at his island paradise in Antigua but he misses having a partner and he’s even asked pals Matthew McConaughey and Richard Branson to play matchmaker 

Page 28: America is preparing for World War III as China amps up war games in the South Pacific and readies plans to invade U.S. allies -- military insiders warn China and Russia and their tyrannical accomplices in Iran and North Korea and Syria and Turkey are bracing to launch a coordinated attack against America and the west that could end in nuclear disaster 

Page 36: Health Watch 

Page 38: Rolling Stones guitarist Ron Wood has traded in his debauched days of sex drugs and rock ‘n’ roll for knitting, Rod Stewart revealed there’s a deep freeze between him and former close pal Elton John and that Elton refused his attempts to that things out -- the two ‘70s icons had been friends for decades before Rod blasted Elton’s biopic and his most recent music tour -- when Rod realized he was in the doghouse he tried to bait Elton with a bone for his kids by inviting Elton’s boys Zachary and Elijah to come play soccer with his sons Alistair and Aiden only to be greeted with the sounds of silence 

Page 42: Red Carpet -- The Christian Siriano collection 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Sophie Okonedo in Ratched 

Page 47: Odd List 

[jeanvaljean24601]

Teen Mom: Ranking the Most Insane Feuds of All Time!

From on-camera brawls to social media feuds and legal threats, the cast of Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 sure know how to go hard. Moments that made you cringe 'cause they were so painful, or smile ear-to-ear. Scenes that were fights, or made you fight back tears.

The franchise really does have it all, and as such, it's become one of the most entertaining in the history of the reality TV genre.

Below, we look back at some of the MTV gang's most explosive feuds, and however you might rank them, this much is undeniable: Way back then. Not so way back then. Last year. Last month. Last week. Probably right now. There is no shortage of beef.

NOTE: We’ve saved the craziest for last, so we suggest that you a deep breath, sit back, grab a hat and hold the f--k onto it …

When Briana DeJesus joined the Teen Mom 2 cast in 2017, she was not welcomed with open arms. In fact, she quickly became persona non grata at her first get-together with the cast - with one exception. Jenelle Evans, Briana said, “is the only one who was acting like her s--t ain’t stink. Plus she was the only one who wasn’t acting fake and choosing sides.” Leah Messer’s response was to “pay no attention to those who try to bring you down … they’re just envious of where you are and how well you’re doing.” As we'll get to in a bit, relations haven't exactly gotten more amicable since.

Maci Bookout and Taylor McKinney's relationship has produced three kids, and they seem very happily married ... most of the time. Like, 85 percent of the time. Bookout alarmed fans with the confession a few years ago that revealed some trouble in paradise: “Eighty-five percent of the time we’re good to go … Fifteen percent is hell. All of our stress and emotions, we take out on each other. When the cameras leave, we’ll drink and freak out. It’s always literally the smallest things. It’s such small stuff but it blows up. It’s not going to go away.” Yikes ... but at least they've had plenty of time to work on things?

So Jenelle has this weird thing about Chelsea -- she accused her of copying her because she made a website for herself after she'd already made her own, because making a website is something totally special and unique. She also kind of accused Chelsea of copying her when she gave birth to Watson the day after Jenelle gave birth to Ensley, which is just wild. On another occasion, Jenelle went off about Chelsea ignoring her older daughter, Aubree, after having Watson, insinuating that she's a bad mother. Chelsea liked a tweet from someone who called Jenelle "pathetic" for bringing up Aubree, which is pretty much the most she's ever participated in this feud.

This one is pretty weird -- one time Babs "jokingly" threatening to "kill Kail" during an Instagram Live session with Jenelle. Lowry was understandably not amused and threatened to quit the show over Barbara's threats. That didn't happen, of course, and it's no longer an issue since Jenelle and her family are no longer on the show, but how bizarre, right?

Brooke Wehr was never a Teen Mom 2 cast member, but due to her mercurial relationship with Jeremy Calvert, her impact was felt just the same. A few years ago, the couple's engagement ended after Brooke accused Jeremy of cheating on her with multiple women, one being a Teen Mom 2 producer, another being her best friend, and a third possibly being his ex-wife Leah Messer. Brooke even shared a screen shot of a text message conversation between Jeremy and the best friend as proof, while Calvert responded in a drunken stupor that yes, maybe he did sleep with Brooke's best friend, but ... only because Wehr slept with some other guy first. Or, as he put it, Brooke was "f-cking his brains out, every day," and he was single, so "my dick was happy to do whatever the f-ck it wanted to do, and it did." Shocking that these two didn't work out ... but neither party was completely off base with their allegations. Just saying. Jeremy and Leah did hook up.

Briana hooked up with Luis in a bathroom while she was drunk, and she got pregnant. They tried to make a relationship work, but he cheated on her and was generally just not great. He's never really been around for their daughter, Stella, but he did come back around last year for a bit. Briana even decided to give him another shot -- except this time, she got the clap. So yeah, they're not on the best terms.

Devoin is the father of Briana's first child, Nova, and they haven't gotten along for many, many years. Briana says that Devoin is a deadbeat dad, Devoin says that Briana won't let him be an active father, it's this whole thing. However, things got especially bad last summer when Briana let him take Nova for an overnight visit and he ended up getting drunk while he was with her alone at a pool. More recently, she criticized him for not giving her any money to help with Nova.

This feud has been going on for years, but has taken on many new forms due to ever-changing circumstances and new tensions. The main point of contention for awhile was Javi's relationship with Briana DeJesus, who came on board the cast of Teen Mom 2 in 2017 amid a lot of controversy. Bri and Kail are bitter rivals (more on that later), so it's not surprising that Ms. Lowry would take issue with DeJesus hooking up with her ex ... or proposing to her. Kail was so salty over Javi's new relationship that she even canceled plans to collaborate on a pair of memoirs with Marroquin. android tv boxThese days, the two of them seem to be doing OK for the most part, but of course that could change at any moment.

Jenelle and Leah used to be friendly, but then things changed -- possibly because Leah became so close with Jenelle's mortal enemy, Kailyn Lowry. Jenelle has thrown plenty of jabs at Leah on social media, like the time she claimed CPS removed the twins from Leah's care and that there were more shocking details about all that that no one knows about. She's also criticized Leah for allowing her daughter to wear makeup and short skirts for cheerleading. As for Leah, she doesn't really seem to pay too much attention to anything Jenelle's ever said about her, although she did speak out after David killed Nugget, Jenelle's dog.

There was a time when Jenelle and Farrah were friends, but no more -- to be honest, both ladies seem to have trouble maintaining friendships with anyone. Jenelle has made remarks about Farrah's plastic surgery and her adult entertainment ventures, and Farrah has called Jenelle out on her bad parenting and her horrific taste in men. After Jenelle left David last year, Farrah offered her support, then ultimately decided to block her on social media because it's none of her business.

Jenelle didn't like Cheyenne from the moment MTV announced she was joining the cast of Teen Mom OG because of some tweets she'd made about white people several years ago. But the feud really started last year when Jenelle made a comment about Amber Portwood's assault charges -- Cheyenne tweeted that Jenelle "should be the last person throwing shade." Jenelle told her that she had no clue what she was talking about, then Cheyenne hit back with "Coming from the real racist, dog killer, abuser and honestly the most unstable individual I’ve witnessed.. GREAT STATEMENT.. get custody of ALL your kids and stay out of court before you talk about me." Jenelle tried to come back from that by calling her a "replacement," but Cheyenne said "And you're fired... soooo?" Beautiful.

Mackenzie has often criticized the network that made her a D-list star -- she once blasted both MTV itself and Teen Mom viewers who have been critical of her relationship with Ryan, particularly her decision to let him drive to their wedding while he was so high that he lost consciousness behind the wheel. "It’s easy to show the ‘half truth’ and portray it as a whole," Mackenzie wrote in a lengthy social media tirade. "But that’s ok because regardless of what happens, whether right or wrong, you’re considered scum.” She's also accused MTV of making her and her husband look bad with editing, but we'd argue that Ryan has always made himself look bad just because of who he is as a person. android tv box

Jenelle Evans' relationship with David Eason has been suspect from the start, even to members of their inner circle - and their own families. One of the loudest voices of disapproval of Jenelle is David Eason's sister. Her complaints were nothing new - Jenelle's a bad mom, a violent criminal, a drug addict, etc. But just because Jenelle's heard these criticisms before, that doesn't mean she took them lying down. In a public Facebook exchange that was at once amusing and horrifying, Jenelle tore into Jessica Eason Miller, accusing her of child abuse and hard drug addiction. Jess shot back by accusing Jenelle of going to great lengths to keep her numerous abortions a secret. Needless to say, these sisters-in-law won't be meeting up for cosmos anytime soon.

Following a slew of gossip stories shared by her co-stars a few years ago that she deemed unflattering, the Carolina Hurricane unleased her legal fury ... to widespread mockery. Jenelle sent cease-and-desist letters to a number of her co-stars, including Leah Messer, Chelsea Houska, and Chelsea's father, Randy Houska. She also took legal action against peripheral friends such as Ryan Dolph, and even her own mother, Barbara Evans. It's yet another reminder that Jenelle is not someone you want to mess with. Not because there's any legal merit to what she was alleging, but just because she's certifiably bonkers and when you kick a hornets' nest of that size, you open yourself up to all kinds of mayhem, bedlam and chaos.

Farrah hasn't gotten along with her former co-stars for years, but on one memorable occasion, she hopped on Instagram to allege that Lowell is a closeted pothead and Baltierra is secretly gay. Yes, for real. Catelynn was unable to defend herself as she was in rehab at the time being treated for various emotional issues; Tyler simply dismissed Farrah's claims as the ravings of seriously unstable woman. Probably the best way to conduct one's self in that situation, but they don't always brush it off. Tyler later stirred the pot once more when he said MTV was right to fire Farrah for her porn career, to which Abraham responded with an iconic word salad in the third person. android tv box

Catelynn has also attacked Farrah over the years - who could forget when she called her fellow Teen Mom a "hoe bag," or when she pretended not to know who Farrah was and instead started talking about Farrah Fawcett? What about the time that she charged out during Farrah's reunion fight with Amber yelling "TRASHY BITCH"? And then there was the time that Catelynn posted this just before Farrah's canceled boxing match with Hoopz. Stay classy, everyone!

This was a feud no one saw coming. Apparently Ryan was active on the dating app Tinder, despite the fact that he's, ya know ... married. When Mackenzie found out about this RIGHT AFTER they tied the knot, she was understandably not pleased. Catching your husband swiping and chatting with other chicks after you married him days earlier? Insane. But, instead of taking out her frustrations on Edwards himself, she decided to let loose on a random girl he was chatting with online. Edwards' Tinder Girl was the undisputed victor in this one, destroying Mackenzie's argument simply by stating, “Your husband is the one on Tinder.” Enough said, really. Incredibly, they stayed married, Mackenzie got pregnant ... TWICE. To quote the legendary Kieffer Delp, "You know how choices be."

Jeremy has never been a fan of David and Jenelle -- he spoke out against the homophobic remarks that got David fired, and he got into a spat with Jenelle after she was shown pulling a gun on that guy (he called her a "dumb bitch" in case you forgot). Later, David commented on a photo that Jeremy shared to tell him that he looked "like a bitch," and Jeremy went off on him in a long rant that concluded with "keep f-cking with me and I'll fly my ass to nc and I'll show u what kind of bitch I am pretty boy." So yeah, they don't like each other.

Where do you even start with these three? Ryan and Maci have experienced their share of rough patches over the years as they've struggled to peaceably co-parent their son, Bentley, but in the past, they've always been able to sort out their differences eventually. But then Ryan started doing heroin and brought Mackenzie into the picture, and that's not really the case anymore. Maci thinks that Mackenzie enables Ryan, Mackenzie thinks that Maci stresses Ryan out -- it's a mess. The two ladies have said plenty of nasty things about each other over the years, while Ryan went in and out of jail and rehab. Like we said, it's a mess. Poor Bentley.

Farrah has said a lot of things about the network that made her famous, like that time that she bizarrely claimed that MTV forces stars of the Teen Mom franchise to continue having children, even when they'd prefer not to. Abraham also accused the producers of encouraging Amber Portwood to attack her during their reunion show melee (more on that later), and even claimed she was fired from the network for partaking in "adult" pursuits on the side. Even more amazingly than the fact that she threw around the term "hate crimes" to describe how MTV treated her? The apparent fact that the folks who made her famous are actually willing to continue working with Farrah. Or were, until she finally got fired or quit, depending who you believe. With Farrah, every day is another day in the Post-Truth Era.

Where do we even begin with this. In late summer 2019, a 911 call was placed from Javi's home, following a dispute there. No charges were filed, but the truth came out. You see, Javi had recently gotten engaged to Lauren, with whom he welcomed his second son. Not long after that, he got busted cheating on her, banging one of the members of his CrossFit gym ... IN HIS BATHROOM while Lauren was asleep (or so he thought) IN THEIR HOME. As if that weren't crazy enough, he then called Kailyn to mediate; Kail later put him on blast, claiming he'd been cheating on Lauren back when she was pregnant and chastising him for wanting her to "clean up their mess." Don't worry, Javi posted a cheesy apology on Instagram, for everyone to see, and it was all good with Lauren after like 12 minutes.

There's always been some seriously bad blood between Farrah and Debra -- remember that time that she hit her in the early days of Teen Mom OG? Deb forced Farrah to become a mother when she insisted she wasn't ready, she didn't support her after Sophia's father passed away, and she was just generally awful towards her. Things got so bad between them that at one point, Farrah said that she'd wished that her mother would "just f-cking die already." They've been estranged for a long time now, although Farrah does sometimes allow Deb to see Sophia.

Jenelle Evans and her mother, Barbara, have always had a tumultuous relationship, with Babs unafraid to dish it out as much as she's forced to take it. In previous years, they would fight a lot and trade zingers (such as this classic image), then eventually put it behind them. For a good long while, Jenelle and Babs were at each other's throats more often than not, and the stakes couldn't have been higher. Barbara now has permanent custody of Jenelle's oldest son, Jace, and Jenelle has mostly come to terms with it. Thankfully, they're not fighting so much these days -- yep, they're actually managing to get along. For the moment, anyway.

Things neared a boiling point between Amber Portwood and Matt Baier after he vowed that would never marry her ... because she wouldn’t marry him on the spot in Las Vegas, obviously. “I will not marry her,” he said. “I will not marry her now, ever! I’m not gonna let her [brother] dictate my life. That f—king f—got. She wants to marry her brother. That’s who she wants to marry. F—k her. She just humiliated me on TV. I’m done!” Matt, who was livid at Amber’s reasoning for not eloping in Vegas - her brother Shawn not being present - went on to tell a producer, “I don’t care who you have to give oral pleasure to, keep the Amber and Matt wedding thing off [the air]. She just embarrassed me in front of 12 million people.” We’re pretty sure you did that to yourself, Matt …

As if it wasn't bad enough that Matt Baier offered Catelynn Lowell a Xanax before a press event, casting serious doubt over whether or not he remains drug-free, he ultimately took a lie detector test to prove his faithfulness to Amber Portwood ... and failed. The polygraph revealed that Matt made sexual advances toward other women during his relationship with the Teen Mom star, and that was it for her. "Trash! TRASH! I got you money. I got you deals! And you tried to f--k her! F--K YOU!" Their breakup, which was a long time coming, was not undone despite a stint on Marriage Boot Camp ... though she did meet crew member Andrew Glennon while on the set and went on to have his baby. Matt also got married (seriously) to Jen Conlon. Funny how life works out. h96 max tv box

Perhaps the longest-running feud of the franchise, Chelsea Houska and Adam Lind face off mostly through their lawyers these days, because the derelict of society can't stay out of trouble or pay child support. In recent years, he's failed drug tests with meth in his system, and he's also been arrested more than once for domestic violence. Because of all of that, he's only allowed to see his daughter with Chelsea at a visitation center (which he rarely seems to do), and he gave up his parental rights completely for his other daughter, Paislee.

Amber and Jenelle have never interacted all that much since they were on different shows, but still, Amber felt the need to speak out after one of David's many abuse scandals -- she ranted about it on Instagram, calling him names like "bitch" and "disgusting clown." Jenelle told her to leave her family alone, and she also said "You’re the one who went to jail for domestic violence but you’re sitting here pointing fingers at my husband?" Amber then threatened to beat her up, because of course she did. Their feud was reignited months later when Jenelle started saying that it was unfair that she got fired when Amber got to keep her spot on the show. Amber never responded, but a source did report that “She doesn’t feel the need to get into a feud with Jenelle with everything going on in the world right now."

This feud has been going on for a long, long time, and it started back in the day when Jenelle needed Kailyn to post bail for her, but then she never paid her back. These two have traded insults over the years, and Jenelle was actually low enough to leak the news of Kail's pregnancy with Lux. Since then, they've been making snide remarks about each other on social media, with David even joining in to insult her about things like her weight and her sexuality. Most recently, Jenelle took a break from her newfound body positivity to call Kail "a giant compared to me," and Kailyn hit back by saying that at least she has custody of all of her children. Classic stuff there.

Nathan and Jenelle were terrible together, and things didn't change after they broke up. The big issue was that she didn't waste any time in getting with David, and David has always hated Nathan. Like, a lot. The feeling became mutual after a while, and Nathan started claiming that Kaiser had told him that David was abusive. Nathan once even tweeted photos of some suspicious bruises on Kaiser that he said were from David hitting him with a stick, but Jenelle turned it around, suggesting that Nathan was the abusive one. Nathan has been talking about getting custody of Kaiser for a while now, but of course he has his own issues on top of everything else.

Amber Portwood and Farrah Abraham’s iconic beef may never be topped, at least in terms of how it came to a head on an MTV reunion special with the cameras rolling. It was pretty standard - or at least it was until Farrah said that Amber's then-boyfriend, Matt Baier, looks like a pedophile. With Farrah and her then-boyfriend, Simon Saran, just trolling Matt incessantly, Portwood hit her breaking point off camera. She stormed the stage, trying to fight Farrah, hurling insult after insult at her rival, and even throwing a punch that missed. Baier and Farrah's father, Michael, then got into it physically, forcing security to break it up. Crew members stormed the stage to pull Amber away from Farrah and it was all a mess. An epic, chaotic and glorious mess. h96 tv box

The bad blood from their epic reunion fight lingered long after the dust settled and only worsened in the years since.. Farrah said Gary Shirley should have full custody of Amber’s daughter, and that Amber needs to stop "using me to get attention … I want nothing to do with [her] criminal behavior or lying evil groups of people [she associates] with.” Fast forward to 2019, in the wake of Amber's arrest for assaulting Andrew Glennon (below), Farrah said again: "I do not speak to others who are very vulgar and abusive. I haven’t spoken to her. I feel that children, adults, family members, everyone associated should be treated with care, love. And that’s where the society and the world is going. I really hope that, not only Amber, but I hope Catelynn, I hope Maci… gets some help. They seriously need it." Vintage Farrah word salad.

This feud never really stops, but boy does it take more twists and turns than we can even count. Most notably, Javi started dating Briana, and even proposed to her in 2018, resulting in a lot of bitter feelings from Kailyn. THEN, he broke up with Briana and started dating Lauren Comeau ... who quickly became pregnant with his child, prompting more feelings from both Kailyn and Briana. THEN Kailyn revealed that after his split from Briana, but prior to him impregnating Lauren, Javi tried to bang Kailyn repeatedly. After that, it came out that Javi was actually juggling all three women at the same time. Who has the energy?

One of the best, for obvious reasons. As we mentioned, Bri's was dating Kailyn's ex-husband, Javi Marroquin, a move that effectively drove a dagger into the heart of their friendship - whatever that consisted of. They had a very heated argument at one reunion, and at the next, they wanted to physically fight each other. First, Kail invited Briana for a private chat in a room backstage, but Briana left before things could get bad. Later, when it was time for all the girls to to onstage together, Briana tried to attack Kailyn, but security guards were able to keep them away from each other. They don't do reunions together anymore, but they do get sassy about each other on social media!

There's a lot here, so let's just breeze through, all right? Kailyn met Chris at college, she slept with him when she was still married to Javi, and he ended up impregnating her when the marriage was over. He was never around throughout the pregnancy, and she even said he had another girlfriend, though he did show up for the birth and for a little while after. Kail has said that things went bad a few months later, and she's even claimed that he broke into her house and broke a window in her bedroom at that time. Still, she had a big thing for them, and they hooked up every now and then. Eventually, he got her pregnant again, and she soon got an order of protection against him. Right now, she's nearing the end of that pregnancy, and things don't seem to be much better with Chris.

Nothing funny about this one. On July 5, 2019, Portwood was arrested and charged with two counts of domestic battery and one count of criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon after she struck her boyfriend, Andrew Glennon, in the neck as Glennon held their son James in his arms. She then threatened to commit suicide by overdosing on pills, and used a machete to attempt and break into the room where Glennon was hiding with their son. She was convicted on felony charges of domestic battery and intimdation, and she's currently on probation. Later, audio recordings were released in which Amber could be heard verbally abusing Andrew, and in one she even admitted to punching him in the face. There's no contact between them now, and Amber has been allowed visits with their son. h96 tv box

Where do we even begin? Jenelle and David have always gotten in awful fights, and they've only gotten worse as time has gone on. In the beginning, they argued a lot, but a couple of years ago, she called 911 in hysterics, claiming he pushed her down so hard she thought he'd broken her collarbone. She called again a few months later because she'd locked him outside and he was beating the door down. Last year, she left him for a while after he killed her dog, which resulted in them losing temporary custody of the kids, and she even got a restraining order against him after telling a judge she feared for her life. She went back to him, but things definitely haven't been good -- she recently left him again and threatened to get a restraining order. She didn't, and we guess things are supposed to be OK right now, but it's only a matter of time until things get bad again.

[ask-joyce-byers]

#40 please!

1962 | 1967

{45 OTP Prompts: “I want a baby.”, and Drabble Prompt List: “I’m pregnant.”}

Christmas, 1962

The everlasting mismanagement of the NYPD meant that half of the deputies promised off on Christmas day had to work after all, and those who had volunteered to walk their beat despite the snowfall and the forfeit comfort and joy got sent home early to spend time with their families. As it was, Jim Hopper received no especial privileges despite his having requested off to spend the day with his wife. You don’t have kids, was the consensus. The deputies with kids got preference to go home and see their progeny, whereas if you had decided not to reproduce or were just otherwise unlucky, you got to work same as any other day. Nevermind the fact that Hutchinson got sent home, and he and his old lady were far beyond the kid-having age. Andrews and Williard too, both of them empty-nesters.

“Damn unfair,” Hopper muttered to himself, stamping through the snow that night, frozen to the bone, icicles having formed in the ends of his hair, stabbing him in the back of the neck and making his eyebrows so he could see them if he looked sharply up. “Diane? I’m home.”

"Merry Christmas, baby,” Diane beamed, a vision in her bright red sweater, blonde hair curled in loose waves, bangs full and just shading her blushing face. The warmth of the apartment’s interior hit him like a heavy quilt, and he let out a long breath, reaching for her and pulling her into a hug against his snowy coat despite her squeal and helpless attempts to swat him away.

“You’ll get me wet! This is cashmere!”

“Cashmere? Really…” He ogled, hands finding her waist, smoothing there as she pecked him on the cheek and twisted away.

“Food first. Then presents, then -”

“Sleep,” Hopper groaned, and Diane pursed her lips.

“If you say so.”

“Unless you had other ideas.” His level of alertness was immediately heightened.

“Food first,” she reiterated, all but dragging him into the kitchen where a modest, but fragrant ham sat, resplendent in its roaster, bordered in seasoned potatoes and bright greens. “And for dessert-” She gestured to the oven and he bent, cracking open the door to reveal a good deal of indistinguishable shadow and the unmistakable scent of apple pie.

“You’re an angel,” Hopper proclaimed, hugging her to him again, and this time she let him as he pressed a resounding kiss to her rosy lips and dragged a freezing hand through her soft hair. “Lemme go get cleaned up.”

“Please,” Diane grinned, and while he rummaged and recuperated, splashed and stomped, she arranged the presents on the small kitchen table, crowned with the bright Christmas tablecloth and overhung with fake evergreen swags. Little things, they weren’t living on big money here, but he was home from overseas, they had their own place, and it was time to start enjoying the little things in life. One present in particular, very light and thin, she placed in the forefront.

Supper enjoyed, one and two word answers to her questions sufficing to explain that the food was too good for conversation, Diane slowly inched the envelope towards him.

“Open this one first.”

“Why don’t you open one of mine? The little square one.” A bracelet, something he’d picked out with help from Mrs. Hutchinson, as he had about as much idea what to get a lady as a grizzly bear knew how to pitch a tent. He was keen to see if he’d hit the mark.

“Open mine first. You’ll like it.”

“Will I?” Tearing into the envelope with impish impetuosity, he pulled out a simple card made of folded stock paper, drawn all over in different colored ink and the curly message OPEN ME. Lifting a brow, Hopper did so and saw, in stark contrast to the elaborate outer portion of the card, the inside was blank save for one, short sentence.

I want a baby.

Blue eyes looked up at Diane, and then back to the card, and then back to Diane, the muscles in his jaw working as he strove to work out an appropriate answer.

Yes. Yes. Right now.

“You want a baby,” was all he managed to echo, voice sounding strange even to his own ears. “You don’t wanna wait another year -”

“Way I see it, we’ve done enough waiting.” Nam. It hadn’t seemed like waiting to him, it had been war, it had been hell, but back home, to Diane it had to have seemed like decades.

“You, ah….” He licked his lips, meeting her gaze at last. “You wanna start workin’ on that now?”

“You don’t want to finish presents first?”

“They get better than this?”

He stood, leaning across the table to capture her lips. The way she slowed into the kiss, her breath catching, fluttering against his skin, his hand going up to cup her cheek, and suddenly the fact that her sweater was cashmere didn’t matter at all, he just wanted it off. On the table, in the floor, anywhere not on her.

A baby. With blue eyes and blonde hair, just like Diane, perfect in every way.

Come September, he was reminding her of that, telling her his dream, their dream as he drove her to the hospital, her breath fast and ragged, forehead beaded with sweat, clenching his hand in a vice-like grip.

“Some Christmas present, huh,” he made the mistake of commenting, turning to her with a forced smile, and she tore her hand away at that.

“Just drive, James.”

James. Ah, he was in trouble, then. She never used his real name unless she was upset at him, or on other very, very special occasions. One like the one that had tears starting to his eyes some hours later as the nurses placed a very small bundle of pink blanket into his arms, tiny breaths shuddering her little body against him, eyes murky and blinking, looking into his own.

“Hey, little one,” he managed, voice hoarse. “Hey, baby girl. What’re you lookin’ at, huh. Big scary man? I’m your dad, little one. Your dad.”

“She’s beautiful, James,” Diane breathed, and reached for him, taking his hand, a faint smile tugging her lips. “Some Christmas present.”

__________________________________

January, 1967

Joyce pressed her eyes shut at the approach of footsteps outside the bathroom and steeled herself for the verbal onslaught. You’re taking fucking forever, what kind of issue do you have, locking yourself in there for hours at a time, hogging the entire goddamn bathroom because god forbid anyone else in this house have to take a piss while you’re in there doing your hair or whatever shit -

“Almost finished,” she called, not waiting this time, hearing his impatient breath on the other side of the door. “You should just go without me.”

“You’re coming with me. I’m meeting a potential agent, and I don’t wanna look like a fool who couldn’t get his wife to go and be social.”

“What kinda agent is this now?” Joyce managed, voice thin, fighting off another wave of nausea and hardly daring to look at the typed report on the counter, courtesy of the doctor’s office in Larrabee. If only there was some simple way of doing the same tests they did there from home, of checking this yourself, then one could avoid the embarrassment, the exertion, the expense…

She’d demanded a copy of the lab report anyway, and irritated, the girl with red nails had typed it up for her and yanked it from the typewriter. It was only because Joyce had proudly gotten an A in biology that she even knew the significance of hGC at all. Why the x-ed out upper-case H irritated her so much before the proper typing of the lab result was something that even good grades could not explain.

“Joyce.” The doorknob rattled and she grit her teeth against the jolt it gave her pulse. She’d locked it; short of forcing the door, he wasn’t coming in, though that had happened before. “Hurry the fuck up. What in the hell is taking -”

“Lonnie, I’m sick. I don’t wanna go.”

“Did you go to the doctor?”

“Yes.”

“What’d they say?”

“That I’m sick.”

More muttered curses. “Of course they did. Tryin’ to get money from you, they’re never gonna turn someone away and say you’re fine now, are they. Use your head, Joyce. You’ve been sick for days, I’m done with your damn excuses.”

“Lonnie.” Joyce steeled herself, eyes pressed shut from her seat on the edge of the tub. “Go to your meeting. I’ll see you later.”

“And leave you to sleep or watch TV while I work to get the pro-ball career that I’ve been after for years? No, you’re comin’. If I have to do this, so do you.” As if she didn’t spend entire weeks working at Melvald’s and coming home to an empty house, cooking actual food every night anyway on the off chance he should come home from whatever dive bar he was in this time, networking and schmoozing, all so he could have the pro-ball career he insisted was still coming to him. As if anyone else paid the bills to this house, as if he’d ever done a single thing for her other than order her around and wear her on his arm like some kind of gaudy watch.

The last jibe had her on her feet, steadying herself and yanking open the door, letting the full effect of her appearance sink in. Dark hair tumbled, face paler than a ghost, she simply stood there and met his eye for a long moment, before thrusting the typed paper towards him. Brow lowering, he grappled it and fumbled it open, peering in the shadow of the corridor before pushing past her into the bathroom to use the light of the high-set window.

“The hell is this?”

“My report from the doctor.”

“Did you get an A,” he jeered, and Joyce didn’t even bother responding, waiting for him to peruse the typed lines and thrust it back at her.  “What’s that supposed to mean anyway. You dying? You have cancer?” Is it gonna be expensive, she could all but hear the unspoken accusation.

“There.” She poked the corrected hGH line, the reading stating simply P. Positive.

“Okay?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Lonnie’s response was immediate, a muttered curse, a long scrutinizing look toward her midsection, and then an accusatory stare at the paper. As if he didn’t trust it.

“And how’s that supposed to prove anything?”

“It’s a hormone,” Joyce explained wearily. “You either have it in your blood or you don’t, and I did.”

“And that means you’re pregnant.”

“Yes.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit, Lonnie, that’s how it works. I’ve been throwing up, feeling awful -”

“This is it, then.” He flung the paper to the bathroom counter. “The gig’s up. How’d this happen?”

She didn’t even bother asking what he meant by the gig being up, he meant, however he decided to express it, that he had to face responsibility now. To at least be present, if not contribute. Somehow she doubted that was gonna happen.

“I figure it happened one of those times you came home drunk,” Joyce drawled and Lonnie fixed her with a warning glare.

“You’re blamin’ this on me?”

“You’re the one running the show when that kind of thing happens, so yeah, I’m blaming it on you.”

The sound of a resounding slap, skin on skin echoed through the hollow of the bathroom, and in the mirror, Joyce saw her own cheek flare red.

“This is your deal,” Lonnie threatened, voice low. “You deal with this, and it better not put you out of a job. That’s all we got until I can land this gig, and this better not derail the whole fucking plan.”

“’S not gonna derail anything,” Joyce mumbled, and her hand, instead of going to her cheek, went to her middle. As if by his blow he’d insulted not her, but one innocent in all of this. “I’ll figure it out. I always do.”

“You better. Lay down, I guess.” The nicety flung over the shoulder was all she got as he made for the front door and grabbed his coat. “I’ll make some kind of excuse for you.”

“Thanks,” Joyce muttered, her voice barely audible as she made her way gingerly to the couch and curled up there.

“And Joyce?” His voice, calling back through the cold air of the open door had her lift her head. “If it’s a boy he’s gonna learn to play ball.”

Then the door slammed, and she was left in quiet. Some say that when you bring a kid into a marriage, it can serve as a saving grace in the eleventh hour, bringing couples back together again. But in that moment Joyce Byers was never more sure – that one day, as soon as she could save up enough money, pay off the house herself and get it transferred to her name – one day,  this was going to be her home, her life. Hers, and the tiny life inside her. And if he didn’t want to play baseball, she wasn’t going to make him play goddamn baseball.

[leigh-kelly]

If the Fates Allow: Part 6/13

Thirteen part Christmas fic loosely based on Life As We Know It. After Santana and Brittany’s best friends die, leaving their two kids behind, the ex-girlfriends are forced to move in together and raise their godchildren.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

May:

After the premiere, Santana made extra effort to keep her distance from Brittany. She still ate breakfast and dinner with the kids but after they were in bed, she watched TV in her room. Her feelings were way too complicated and she knew that Brittany no longer reciprocated them so she just didn’t want to put herself in an uncomfortable situation. She couldn’t imagine how she was going to survive this for another seventeen years and she wondered what would happen when one of them met someone and decided to get married. Would they have shared custody of the kids? Would she have to live with Brittany and her husband or wife? She started going back to her initial reaction to the new that John and Cassidy left the kids to them, that this was a terrible idea.

An argument between them came over Ava’s ballet recital. Santana had a meeting that she absolutely couldn’t miss at work and Brittany snapped at her that Ava’s recital was more important and it was absolutely something she couldn’t miss either. But Santana felt like her hands were tied and she told Brittany that she wouldn’t be able to make it. Brittany was chilly to her for two weeks and Santana couldn’t even be bothered to care. She felt terrible about doing that to Ava, but it was also easier for her to deal with Brittany when she wasn’t trying to be friends. She still kept her end of her promise to Brittany, taking the kids when she went to grief counseling, but other than that, they barely interacted.

“Aunt Santana, you really can’t come to my recital?” Ava pouted as she helped her get dressed for school.

“I’m sorry, kiddo. I have a meeting at work that I have to go to. But I’m sure Aunt Brittany will take lots of videos for me.”

“That’s not the same! You won’t get to see me all dressed up for reals.”

“I know, Aves. I really wish I could come, but I promise you, next year I’ll be there.”

“Next year’s not even the same! I hate your dumb work!”

“Ava, you know you’re not supposed to say hate.”

“I don’t care! I do hate it! You should be coming to my dance instead!”

“You know I want to be there more than anything.”

“That’s not true, if you did, you wouldn’t go to work.”

Because it was Brittany’s day to drop the kids off, Santana kissed Ava, who was still mad, and JJ and got in her car to go to work. The whole day, she felt absolutely awful about the fact that she wasn’t going to make it to the recital and she stewed in her office, wishing there was some way she didn’t have to disappoint everyone. Just as she was getting ready for her meeting that evening, she looked down at her phone and saw that she had a text message from Brittany. It was a picture of Ava in her tutu and ballet shoes and the message that followed said She asked me to send you this. She said she wishes you were here.

Santana looked at the time on her phone and she knew that she could make it there if she rushed. For all her protests about her work meeting, she was hit with the realization that none of it mattered if she disappointed Ava. So she went into her boss’ office and she lied. Never once in her life had she lied at work, but that time, she felt like there was no other option. She gave him the flash drive with her presentation and she told him that she wasn’t feeling well. She was surprised that he didn’t even argue with her, he just told her to go home and get some rest and she breathed a sigh of relief.

Sitting in traffic, Santana thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown. If she left work early and didn’t actually make it in time to see Ava, she would have felt more awful than she already did. But luckily, traffic lightened up and she made it with enough time to stop and pick out flowers for her little dancer. She felt like she had some making up to her to do, because she’d made her think she wasn’t going to come, and even if Brittany argued with her about it, she was going to take her out for ice cream when it was over.

When she got into the auditorium, she was surprised to see that there was an open seat next to where Brittany sat with JJ on her lap. Santana watched for a few moments as Brittany chattered away to JJ and it actually made her feel even more guilty, seeing how devoted Brittany was to these kids. Santana was trying, really, but she just didn’t think she was ever going to be as good of a parent as Brittany was. Quietly, she sank down into the seat and Brittany turned around to look at her. Several beats passed where they didn’t say anything, with Brittany just cocking her head to the side and looking at Santana.

“I knew you would come.” She said. “That’s why I saved you a seat.”

“How did you know?”

“Because I know you love that kid more than anything. I remember how over the moon you were when she was born, and I just had a sneaking suspicion that you wouldn’t let a meeting get in the way of you seeing her first dance recital.”

“I almost did.”

“She’s going to be really happy that you’re here.”

“So are you done being pissed at me?”

“I’m still a little pissed it took you this long to figure out that this was really important to her, but you did, so that’s what matters.”

“I honestly don’t know who was more mad, you or Ava.”

“It was probably me, but when Ava told me that she was mad, I told her she shouldn’t be mad at you.”

“You didn’t have to do that. I deserved it.”

“You did.” Brittany shook her head. “But she’s a kid, she needs to know about forgiveness.”

Santana watched with rapt attention as Ava danced on stage. At her age, it was nothing fancy, but she beamed up there, making Santana smile from ear to ear. She had no idea that Santana was in the audience and she wondered if it made her hurt inside thinking she didn’t show up, but she was there, it was okay. When the show was over, Santana took JJ from Brittany and they went back into the room where the kids were waiting. Ava saw Santana and she launched herself at her, almost making Santana drop the baby as she flew in her direction. Brittany stepped in and took JJ, then knelt down to hug Ava as well.

“Aunt Brittany! You and Aunt Santana both got me flowers! My room is going to be so beautiful! And Aunt Santana came! She really came!”

“She did, didn’t she?” Brittany smiled, looking at Santana out of the corner of her eye. “You did a great job!”

“I’m gonna keep dancing and be just like you.” Ava proclaimed, spinning in a circle. Santana knew that Brittany was surprised, that she usually said that she wanted to be like Santana, but Brittany’s reaction made her really happy. Despite everything, she really wanted Brittany to be happy, even if they couldn’t be happy together.

They took Ava out for ice cream and even Brittany didn’t argue about it. Santana shared her cone with JJ and Brittany maybe looked at her a little disapprovingly, but she didn’t say anything. Santana sort of felt like everything was forgiven and she felt a little better about herself. Maybe she didn’t totally deserve to be absolved after making everyone think she was a selfish asshole, but it still felt good that they had forgiven her.

It took a while to settle them down when they got home and Santana knew that the morning was going to be rough. Once she put Ava to bed, she walked down the hall to JJ’s room and she stood outside, hearing Brittany dance around the room with him like she did every night. When she peeked in, it sort of took her breath away, seeing Brittany there rocking a baby in her arms with tears in her eyes. Whenever she felt alone in her grief, she didn’t think about how Brittany was feeling it too, but like the night of Cass’ birthday, that was a moment where she saw it.

“I know it’s rough, little guy, but I’m really trying. You’re not going to remember your mom and dad and I want you to know that you’re going to have a good, happy life. Aunt Santana and I are going to make sure of it and I’m going to do everything in my power to be the best mom I can possibly be. I definitely didn’t plan for this, but we’re making it work, right?”

Feeling like she was intruding on something way too intimate, Santana stepped away from the door and went into her own room. She took a deep breath, went to her room to change into her pajamas and then she decided to go downstairs to watch TV. She’d just settled into the couch and turned on Food Network when she heard footsteps on the stairs but she tried not to turn her attention away from the television and onto Brittany.

“Are you in trouble at work?” Brittany asked, coming into the living room in a sweatshirt and yoga pants.

“I faked sick. I couldn’t handle the idea of disappointing her.”

“That’s why I was so concerned about you not coming. I know how you are. I know that you beat yourself up when you make a choice that hurts someone else.”

“Cass wouldn’t have had to think about it.”

“You’re not Cass, Santana.” Brittany sat down next to her, clearly conscious of keeping her distance from Santana. “But you’re really good with the kids.”

“Not as good as you. I think this comes much more naturally to you than it does to me.”

“Are you kidding me? I had to read all of those parenting books to even have a clue. I always figured…never mind.”

“What?” Santana raised an eyebrow, though she didn’t know that she wanted to hear what Brittany had to say.

“Nothing…never mind.”

“Okay. She was really good, by the way. Do you think you’re going to move her to your studio?”

“That’s not a decision I’m going to make on my own.”

“I give you full permission to make all dance related decisions for Ava. And for JJ too, if he decides to dance.” Santana grins, making Brittany smile. “I didn’t ask you, how is grief counseling going?”

“It’s helping.” Brittany shrugged. “I’m glad I’m going. If you wanted to—”

“I don’t. It’s just not for me, but it’s cool that it’s working for you.”

“I guess I should let you be. I just wanted to come down here and thank you for showing up.”

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I’m just watching Chopped, I know you used to like it.”

“I still do.” Brittany sat down and Santana moved over to give her some space. “You’re sure you don’t mind?”

“I know you don’t like when I say it’s just, but it’s just a TV show.”

“I’m actually going to make some popcorn.” Brittany jumped up. “I’ll be right back.”

Brittany jumped up off the couch and Santana paused the show. She checked her messages on her phone, seeing one from Wendy that she quickly responded to. Because everything had been so hectic with work and the kids, she still hadn’t had time to make up that cut-short date to her, but they texted fairly regularly and still flirted at work. Santana was definitely into her, but she realized that when Brittany was close by, it was hard to think about that. With a sigh, she pulled her legs up under her on the couch and leaned back, staring at the frozen image of Ted Allen on the screen. When Brittany came back, she grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around herself before setting the bowl of popcorn between them to offer some up to Santana. Everything was fine until their hands brushed over the bowl and Santana felt sparks shoot up her arm. It was just a normal static shock, but she felt like it was a weird kind of sign and she couldn’t figure out exactly what it was telling her.

“I think I should go to bed.” Brittany stood up not long after that.

“Even before the dessert round? How are you going to miss the dessert round?”

“Your stellar logic definitely convinced me.” She laughed, sitting back down. “So who do you think is going to win?”

[tabloidtoc]

In Touch, January 4

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: John Travolta’s life without Kelly Preston 

Page 1: Contents 

Page 2: Page 2: Style Spotlight -- Bling in the New Year -- zhuzh up your look with some dazzling ear candy -- Lupita Nyong’o, Saoirse Ronan 

Page 4: 2020′s biggest winners -- what everyone was watching, posting and streaming this year 

Page 5: Drew Scott recently revealed that as a struggling young actor he was the body double for Tom Welling when he played Superman on Smallville from 2001 to 2011 and when they were using butt shots and ab shots Drew was the one they were using 

* Makeover of the Week -- Lady Gaga unveiled lavender hair 

Page 6: Crib of the Week -- Jimmy Buffett’s tropical hideaway in Palm Beach, Florida

* Man Candy of the Week -- Scott Pryor of the upcoming film Tulsa 

* Winner of the Week -- Dolly Parton saved her 9-year-old co-star from getting hit by a car on the set of Christmas on the Square 

* Loser of the Week -- E! After announcing plans to leave their longtime network the Kardashians sign a multi-year deal with Hulu 

Page 8: Up Close -- Kelly Clarkson duets with her contestant Desz on The Voice finale; Gwen Stefani 

Page 10: Elves on Selves -- Jennifer Lopez brings Lenny Kravitz in on the latest goofy Instagram trend, Kerry Washington joining in on the fun with Katy Perry, Mariah Carey with Jim Carrey’s Grinch, perched on Jack Black’s shoulder is a shot of Jack Nicholson who has Jack White on his shoulder 

Page 12: David Beckham doing tricep dips, Drake at the gym, Dwayne Johnson focuses on his workout 

Page 13: Chris Hemsworth lifting a tire 

Page 14: Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian with their kids Reign and Penelope, Gordon Ramsay heads for the sauna while filming a TV holiday special in Lapland in Finland, Hailey Baldwin drinking a cup of coffee with a face mask on 

Page 15: Janelle Monae helps needy families at the Wondalunch Food Giveaway in L.A., Jennifer Garner and Jessica Alba hand out toys at Baby2Baby’s Holiday Drive-Thru Distribution event in L.A. 

Page 20: Dakota Johnson was seen sporting a massive emerald stone while out shopping in L.A. recently sparking speculation that she is engaged to Chris Martin -- Chris quietly proposed and they’re so excited about finally making it official

Page 21: Princess Eugenie and her husband Jack Brooksbank moved into Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s U.K. home Frogmore Cottage but less than two months later they’ve moved out because it felt eerie being in the house after what went down with Meghan and Harry and the royal family; something didn’t feel right about living there and Eugenie and Jack are expecting their first child so the last thing they wanted was a dark cloud over them

* Star Sightings -- Gaten Matarazzo, Tia Mowry 

Page 22: Cover Story -- John Travolta is learning to live again as he faces his first Christmas without wife Kelly Preston -- John can’t wallow in grief because he’d let down his kids and Kelly 

Page 26: Tom Cruise staged his meltdown -- it was the on-set rant heard ‘round the world but no one saw this twist coming -- what isn’t clear is how the audio of the rant came to be and it was actually staged then leaked to make Tom look good -- phones are confiscated on set so only the sound guy could capture that and he certainly wouldn’t release it -- Tom’s image has taken a hit over the years but in the recording he seems more real than ever so it could have been one big PR move 

Page 28: Heather Locklear’s engagement ring is off -- Heather steps out looking happy, healthy and very single 

Page 30: Best & Worst 2020 -- a year to remember (and forget!) -- a look back at the hits and misses of the past 12 months 

Page 36: The Big Interview -- Heather Rae Young -- the reality star and bride-to-be says fiance Tarek El Moussa is more than happy to pitch in as they gear up for their 2021 nuptials 

Page 38: Beauty Buzz -- hair scare and repair -- troublesome tresses? we know just what you need -- Vanessa Hudgens, Kendall Jenner 

Page 42: Animal Overload -- my dog looks like Walter Matthau 

Page 45: Double Take -- Jerry O’Connell enjoys a mimosa at his home in L.A. 

Page 46: Horoscope -- Capricorn John Legend turned 42 on December 28 

Page 48: Last Laughs 

[crzcorgi]

She’s Got Claws

For the beautiful @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash ‘s “Ash’s Birthday Negan Challenge”

Negan x Savior Reader (y/n)

My prompt is Pornhub

This turned out longer than I expected so it will be at least 2 chapters

Word Count ~ 2100

Warnings ~ Negan’s language is about the only warning for this chapter

tags (please feel free to drop me a note if you'd like to be tagged!)

@negans-network @naughtybellax

 I was just stepping into the meeting room when I saw her. One of my newly appointed Saviors. She moved up the ranks rather fucking quickly, her talent for sniping unparalleled to anyone else in the Sanctuary. But that wasn’t the first fucking position she was offered, most certain-fucking-ly not. The first option was to become one of my wives. 

 “You’ve got to be kidding me? Wives? As in more than one? Like a Mormon?” She looked up at me, her fucking gorgeous y/e/c eyes opened wide.

 “Yes, doll, more than one, six at this point. You would be lucky number seven! And no, not like some Mormon. It’s the apocalypse baby girl, the rules have changed.” I tried to watch her face, take in her expressions, I wondered what she was fucking thinking.  

  “So, why in God’s green earth do women agree to this? Is there more to it than just being your wife? I mean, you seem nice enough, but sharing? It’s really not my thing, you know?”

 I sighed, closing my eyes and counting to fucking ten. Why the fuck must I go through this shit? She should be fucking honored that I would choose her? I should just tell her to fuck off, get out of my room and go work for lousy points, washing fucking dishes, scrubbing the shit stained toilets. But I wouldn’t. I wanted her. Badly.

 “Sweetheart, you see, there is a lot more to my relationships with my wives. I offer protection, I offer safety. No working for fucking points, everything just handed to them. I only ask for a bit of loving when I visit. But I most certainly DO NOT force myself on them. Just what they are fucking comfortable with.”

 She started laughing. “So you’re saying you’re okay with no sex? You really expect me to believe that? What man doesn’t want sex, especially with a woman who owes him?”

 “Well y/n, you have never fucking met a man like me, and you most certainly never will.”

 In the end, she said no, and I don’t fucking beg. So I gave up. For the time being.

 “Negan.” She spoke as I walked into the room, roaming over into the shadows taking up residence by the dirt coated windows.

 “Doll. I heard you took out that herd that came upon Dwightie Boy’s group. Nice fucking work.”

 She looked over at me and smiled. That fucking smile. “Thanks. I heard some rustling and climbed a tree just in time to wipe ‘em out. Ripped my favorite pair of pants in the process though.” She glanced down at her legs. “ And had to endure some asshole comments. Negan, you ever thought of having a brothel in the Sanctuary? I’m sure there are women and men that would gladly trade sexual services for points. Most of your Saviors act like they haven’t gotten any since before the end. I’m really tired of the disgustingness of them.” Her nose turned up in disgust and she let out a barely perceptible shiver at the thought.

 “Yeah, and your prissy, shit don’t stink attitude really grates on our nerves too, princess. You just need a good banging, baby.” Obviously, old Davey didn’t notice me when he walked in, must have thought she was talking to someone else.

 “David, always so classy.”  I thought y/n’s eyes were going to fucking roll completely back into her head.

 “Okay, enough. Is this true? Davey boy, are you and my other Saviors harassing y/n? Because I think you fucking know what I’m going to say to that.”

 “Uh, Negan, I didn’t see you. No, we don’t treat y/n here any differently than anyone else. It’s just…”

 I stepped out of the shadows, moving slowly towards him. Glancing over at y/n to see her just glaring at him. “It’s just what David?” I was now standing mere inches from him. I could see the sweat beading on his fucking forehead.

 “Well, sir, she’s rude to us. Never does what she’s fucking told, thinks she’s better than us.” Davey flicked his eyes towards y/n, then back to me nervously.

 “Rude, in what way? And as far as doing what she’s told, I have fucking heard differently from Simon so watch what you’re saying.” I glanced towards y/n, winking. I knew Davey was full of fucking shit, as did doll. But I wanted him to keep spewing shit, see how far the fucker would go.

 “Well, sir, she never rides with us, always drives that beat up piece of shit bike of hers. Says it’s much easier to stay alert or some shit. She never spends any of her downtime with the others, like she’s too fucking good for us.”

 Y/N interrupted the asshole with a loud snort.

 “You have something to say princess?” I smiled at her.

 “Please don’t call me that. But David is fucking full of it.” Her lips pursed while she once again rolled those gorgeous eyes.

 “Speak doll.”

 “Well, I ride my bike because first and foremost, it’s mine. Not much left of my things, so it’s kinda a security thing for me. You know?” She looked at me with a sad smile. “Plus I can scout ahead. And as far as not socializing with the others, getting shitfaced drunk, watching people I used to respect do things that I am hoping they will regret when sober, and possibly having things done to me, is not my idea of a fun time. I’m sorry if it makes me seem ‘stuck up’.” She was now leaning back in her chair, one booted foot resting on a thigh, she began picking at the worn leather. A nervous look flashing across her face.

  I turned my attention back to the man standing in front of me. “David, my man. What the fuck is it to you what this sweet girl does in her free time? And you most certain-fucking-ly do not tell her what to drive, where to ride, what to fucking do. You are NOT her boss.” I was now standing chest to fucking chest with him. “Do. You. Understand?!”

 “Yes sir.”

 I stepped back, turning and walking to my seat, but I stopped by y/n. Sitting on the table beside her, I spoke quietly. “If any of those fuckers give you a hard time, say anything, do anything. Fuck, if they breath funny near you, you come to me, got it?”

 She looked up at me, I couldn’t assess if she was pleased or pissed. “Thank you Negan.” Then she smiled, her y/e/c eyes so bright. “I can take care of myself, but sometimes it’s nice to not have to.”

 “S’ok doll, I know you can take care of yourself. But it’s my fucking pleasure. I am a gentleman after all.” I stood up, bowing towards her, making her laugh.

 “That you are sir.” She giggled, an actual girly giggle.

 “Fuck doll, I made you laugh, my fucking day is complete!” I sat in my seat at the head of the table, placing Lucille down. “You need to do that more often. It’s nice.”

 She looked over at me and I could have fucking sworn she was blushing.

 “Never feel like laughing, so I don’t. Not much to be happy about anymore, is there?” She went back to her serious face quickly.

 “I guess not doll.” We were interrupted by the rest of the Saviors entering the room, everyone taking the seats quickly. The meeting was a quick one, just a rundown on recent runs and plans for a new community that had been discovered.

 Simon asked if he could speak before anyone left the meeting. “In case anyone isn’t in the know, our bossman’s birthday is coming up. And while we certainly cannot surprise the man, we do need to celebrate. So Friday night we are having a unsurprise party for him.” He slapped my back while I thought of ways to fucking kill him.

 Fucking Friday night came fucking way too soon for my liking. Fuck yeah I like a party, but Savior parties were mostly just a bunch of drinking matches, knife fights and couplings that i didn’t want to fucking witness. My wives never wanted to hang around them, bitching about how it was “too loud”, “too dirty” and how they felt “uncomfortable” with how the Saviors were looking at them. So, I sent them the fuck away.

 I sat down at an empty table, throwing back the bit I had left of the fine fucking whiskey Simon had found.

 “Want some company?” I was fucking surprised to see y/n standing in front of me.

 “Fuck yeah, doll! Didn’t think you’d come.” I kicked the chair beside me out for her, grabbing the back to pull it back in when she sat.

 “I figured it was the polite thing to do, I mean, you being the boss and all. She smiled at me, biting on her lip nervously, that little action fucking causing my dick to wake up. “So where are your wives?”

 I sighed.  “They hate these parties. Fuck if I understand ‘em.”  I signaled Simon over with more whiskey. “Want a glass doll?”

 “Yes, thanks.”

  Simon spoke, his voice loud from his obvious intoxication. “Hey, y/n, you’re joining us tonight.”

 “Yes, Simon, but no need to announce it.” She snickered, bringing the tumbler up to her lips and taking a tiny sip. “Mmmhmm, not the usually rotgut I’m used to. Keeping all the good shit to yourself, Negan?”

 I laughed, “yeah, I’ve got it all. All the top shelf shit, doll.” I leaned over the table, the whiskey making me forget my promise to not pursue her. “If you join me in my room I might be fucking inclined to share.”

 She leaned over the table, mere inches from my face. Smiling at me, she brought her finger up to wipe over my lips, bringing to back to her mouth and sucking on it. A sound that reverberated through my very core, ending in my dick.

 “I’m fine, thank you.” And she stood up, walking away like what she just did didn’t leave me so fucking hard, a fucking explosion about to occur in my pants. Shit, why the fuck does she have that kind of effect on me?

 Suddenly the room erupted in fucking hoots and hollers. I stood up, trying to see through the fucking throng of Saviors gathering around the tv that was situated in the corner. I saw Simon and Dwight standing in back and joined them.

 “What the fuck is going on?”

 “Seems Gary found a porno tape of some sort and they just popped it in.” Dwight laughed.

 “Hey, it’s from Pornhub!”

 “Man, I miss that shit!”

 “Pornhub? What’s that”

 “Jesus, Fat Joey? Where the hell were you?”

 Everyone erupted in laughs, that suddenly stopped. Silence. Then a couple of “What the fucks?!” And “is that who I think it is?”

 The crowd fucking turned around in unison, everyone looking towards the door. At the woman standing there. Y/N.

 She was talking to Arat, both of them turning at the same time to see why the fuck the room had suddenly turned quiet.

 A voice in the crowd spoke up. “Hey y/n! Boy did you have us fooled!”

 Her brow furrowed, her arms already crossed, closing tightly to her body. Her eyes darting around the room like a frightened captured animal, looking at Arat, then finally settling on mine. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on, but I made my way through the crowd that started to descend upon her.

 I was being pulled backwards, towards the television. A chorus of happy birthday being sung as I was shoved in front of the tv.  “Happy Birthday Negan, from your favorite Savior!”

 I don’t know who was speaking, who the fuck shoved me here, I just looked at the screen and saw her. Doll, in all her fucking glory, spread out for whoever was behind the camera. It was scratchy, staticky, but I could definitely see she knew what she was doing, so comfortable in her movements, I couldn’t fucking take my eyes off of the screen. She was pretty much naked, except for what looked like cat ears on her head, and a tail?

 “Hey, y/n! Where ya going? Aren’t you gonna give the boss man a show? Got some catnip for ya!”

 “Here kitty kitty!”

 “Meow!”

 My eyes snapped up, realizing what was going and remembering that she, the fucking sex kitten in the video, was here. And that she was fucking humiliated. I began pushing my way towards the door, wanting to catch her before she fucking disappeared. Fucking assholes.

As I reached the door, I realized she was gone.

part two

[dichenlachmandaily]

Future Shock

In Altered Carbon, Dichen Lachman harnesses her passion to brave a dystopian world.

Dichen Lachman sits behind the front desk in the Palm Springs Art Museum lobby, her eyes loosely shut as a makeup artist dusts gold pigment across her lids. She’s wearing Ugg boots; her hair is tousled. Despite the 6 a.m. call time, she declines a coffee and instead reaches for an old-fashioned doughnut hole. Lachman (whose first name is pronounced Dee-chen) is poised but low-key, nowhere near the fiery intimidator she portrays in her latest project, the Netflix original series Altered Carbon.

The museum is closed today, quiet save for crew chatter and the clang of gown-draped hangers on the stylist’s rolling rack; art hulks off the walls in the shadows of unlit corridors. Following months of stunt work, emotionally taxing scenes, and 16-hour days on set, the stillness is welcome. Lachman spent the summer in Vancouver, British Columbia, where Altered Carbon filmed its first season. Between network events and promotional appearances from São Paulo to Seoul, she’s savoring the post-production time off at home, just being Mom. Mathilda turns 3 in May, and her favorite things are scribbling, Sia music videos, and the family dog, Whisky. Deep love for family is an attribute the 36-year-old actress shares with her character, Rei. Perhaps the only trait they share, she says — that, and a fondness for action.

When it comes to that devotion, Lachman refers to a full-body, teeth-gritting sensation, a compulsion to hug tightly, to fuse, to be together forever. Rei takes the sentiment to an extreme, but Lachman relates. “That whole idea that I’ll just eat it,” she says, in her soft Australian drawl, which she dropped for the role. “Like I say to my daughter sometimes, ‘I just want to eat you up, I love you so much.’ ”

When we catch up by phone after the museum shoot, a few weeks before Altered Carbon’s premiere, she delves deeper into the idea of eating one’s feelings and shares a story about her four-legged childhood friend, a Jack Russell terrier named Singhi.

“When I was leaving Adelaide to pursue acting in Sydney, I found two of her little furs on my jacket,” she recalls. “I didn’t want to throw them away because I felt like that was throwing my dog away. I didn’t want to keep them because I thought I would lose them. So I swallowed the two little dog furs. I imagined they’d be absorbed into my body and we’d kind of be a part of each other.”

“When I was leaving Adelaide to pursue acting in Sydney, I found two of her little furs on my jacket. I didn’t want to throw them away because I felt like that was throwing my dog away.” Dichen Lachman

Lachman had shrugged off the role of Reileen Kawahara when she didn’t hear back from casting for four months. It was an uneventful lead-up. She received sides, sans any contextual clues to the plot, and submitted a self-taped video audition.

Then she got the call.

“What is this?” She’d actually forgotten. “There’s no callback? Do they want to see me again?”

“No,” Lachman’s agent told her. “They just want you to do the role.”

“I subsequently found out Laeta was a fan of Dollhouse [2009–2010] and The 100 [2014], so she was familiar with my work,” the actress says. “This is the biggest show I’ve ever been a part of … I just feel lucky to have been a part of it and humbled watching everyone’s work on the show.” The 10-episode, multimillion-dollar series, which became available for streaming Feb. 2, is one of Netflix’s highest-budgeted undertakings yet.

An adaptation of the 2002 cyberpunk novel by Richard Morgan, the first in his Takeshi Kovacs trilogy, Altered Carbon stars Joel Kinnaman as Kovacs (pronounced Ko-vach), a body-swapping soldier summoned to solve a murder in the year 2384. Human consciousness has been digitized and can be “sleeved” into new bodies, establishing a world in which the rich live forever and reprobates evanesce in the dark, debauched underbelly of society.

“It’s woven in such an intricate fashion, you can’t really say the show is just one thing,” Lachman explains. “It’s a love story. It’s a murder mystery. It’s action packed. There are all of these philosophical ideas, too. You walk away thinking, If I could live forever, would I even want to?”

Lachman portrays Kovacs’ sister, first appearing in episode one as a figment from his past; she gets her big reveal midway through the season. (At the risk of leaking a spoiler, let’s just say Lachman’s grand entrance is badass, evidential of the months pre-production she spent training in Japanese combat.)

Along with Kinnaman, the cast includes James Purefoy as a “re-sleeved” murder victim in search of his own killer; Martha Higareda as a well-meaning cop intent on closing the case; Renée Elise Goldsberry as Quellcrist, a futuristic Robin Hood hell-bent on quelling elitism; Will Yun Lee as Kovacs’ “birth sleeve”; Ato Essandoh as Kovacs’ gun-slinging ally; and Chris Conner as the personified consciousness of a hotel where Kovacs resides. These characters are complicated and not always who they appear to be. The plot is layered with flashbacks, visions, and alternate virtual-reality dimensions. Timelines seem to intertwine, leading the viewer through a supremely satisfying plot twist to a finale that may very well render all of us worthless until the second season finally airs. According to Kalogridis, “the biggest success is that the whole thing actually makes sense

“We lived with my uncle 
and my aunts, my grandfather, and my cousins in a tiny 
little apartment. So I had a really …” she pauses, 
“colorful childhood, almost 
of another era.”

Lachman was born in 1982 in Nepal. At that time, more than 90 percent of the country’s population of 15.7 million worked in agriculture, fielding rice, sugarcane, and oilseeds. Fewer than one in 10 owned a telephone. There was no FM radio. No television stations. Terrain continues to hinder development, but modern-day residents can tune in to Altered Carbon — Netflix extended its streaming services around the globe in 2016.

“I was there until I was about 7,” Lachman recalls. “I think we had Superman, Supergirl, and Police Academy, but no real TV to speak of.” Those VHS tapes were her immersion into science fiction. “We shared electricity with India at the time, so three or maybe four nights out of the week we didn’t even have electricity; mostly it was candlelight. We lived with my uncle and my aunts, my grandfather, and my cousins in a tiny little apartment. So I had a really …” she pauses, “colorful childhood, almost of another era.”

Lachman’s father, a Sydney native, was trekking through the Annapurna region of the Himalayas when he met his would-be wife, originally from Tibet, who was working at her family’s restaurant, a backpacker/tourist destination. “He told a friend, ‘I’m gonna marry that woman,’ ” Lachman recounts of her parents’ meeting. He did. The family moved to Australia when Dichen reached school age. “I remember taking my cousin to school [in Nepal]; it was in a hut, and they were still writing on slate with chalk. My father thought I’d have more opportunities if we were in Australia, so we moved to Adelaide.”

She was 23, living on her own in Sydney and dabbling in low-budget films — not long after the dog-fur incident — when she landed the role of Katya Kinski on Australia’s long-running soap opera Neighbours, a veritable breeding ground for Aussie exports. (Margot Robbie, Chris and Liam Hemsworth, and Russell Crowe are all alums.) A leading role in Joss Whedon’s sci-fi series Dollhouse brought Lachman to California in 2008.

Here, she met husband Maximilian Osinski, who is also an actor in the sci-fi/superhero sphere. Both have appeared in Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on ABC, albeit in different seasons, and worked together on TNT’s end-of-days drama The Last Ship. Most recently Lachman portrayed alien ringmaster Roulette in Supergirl’s second season. Then Netflix came calling.

“It’s so refreshing because all of the women are such intricate, complex characters,” Lachman says. “They get to be beautiful and fierce, and they hit back. I think this is largely due to Laeta really wanting to show us off like that, to give us more than just a one-note character.”

As Kalogridis puts it, fierce women are the backbone of the show; they promote an underlying message of “owning your body and owning your power.”

Kalogridis has a stellar team, from set decorators and fight choreographers to visual effects artists and cinematographers, whose credits read like a best-of sci-fi list: Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America: Civil War, War for the Planet of the Apes, Wonder Woman, The Martian. “This was definitely a labor of love for a lot of people,” she shares. “It’s not a movie, but it’s not necessarily what you associate with TV. It’s sort of occupying an interesting in-between space.”

“We were world-building,” adds costume designer Ann Foley, who joined the Altered Carbon team after four years with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., during which time she dressed Lachman. “That was one of the things that really drew me to this project — helping Laeta build and develop this world. One of the challenges when you’re doing anything futuristic is trying to keep it grounded and relatable so people don’t get distracted by the costumes. You don’t want to pull anybody out of the story.”

Foley orchestrates a visual crescendo through the season in ensembles that define each character and provide covert signals to the viewer. Lachman’s commanding wardrobe evolves alongside Rei’s tumultuous story arc; androgynous Samurai- and Sōhei-inspired combat gear metamorphoses into regal, sinewy shapes. Threading together her range of looks is one choice color. “You see so much green in the world where Reileen and Kovacs grew up,” says Foley, referring to scenes filmed in Vancouver’s verdant forest near Widgeon Falls. “You’ll see there will always be an element of that color in her costume, because that helps to inform who the character is.”

In Episode nine, Rei sits with Kovacs and tries to express the intrinsic bond she has always felt with him — a full-body, teeth-gritting sensation, a compulsion to hug tightly, to fuse, to be together forever. Despite hundreds of years of separation, in this world where one’s consciousness can live forever, occupying different bodies, Reileen has never stopped loving her brother. They are family, and family comes first.

“Remember what Mom used to say?” Reileen asks Kovacs as they sit at a small table in a seedy Moroccan-style hookah lounge. She chooses each word slowly and carefully. “ ‘I love you so much, I could eat you up.’ When you were arrested, they put me in an orphanage. All I had left of you was one of your old shirts … They ripped that shirt out of my hands — I can still feel it tearing, the threads still in my fingers. I knew they were going to take those too. So I swallowed them. Just to have something, anything, left of you.”

That passion is the characteristic Kalogridis saw in Lachman and the reason she sought her out for the role. “She brings a real depth and age to a character,” Kalogridis says. “I absolutely believe her version of a woman in her late teens/early 20s and a woman who is 255, 260 … Dichen’s just a very old and interesting soul. She is the warrior goddess.” Lachman has ventured a long way from Kathmandu, from Adelaide, and from Sydney, but as with all of us, the sum of her past experiences defines the person she is today.

“There’s a moment,” Lachman says, “where [my character] discovers Takeshi in the yukuza warehouse, and they just start killing everyone around them. She looks at him and smiles. There was all this action happening around us, and I had to try to cover my laughter because I kept thinking, I can’t believe I’m doing this. Who am I?! I’m originally from a Third World country, then a sleepy little town in Australia, and I’m running around like Rambo on this set with hundreds of stunt guys and people shooting guns at each other …

“This is what I dreamed about.”

[ibelongtonegan]

Blood and Chocolate (Negan one-shot)

This story is for @jeffreydeanneganstrash’s “Negan’s Valentine Challenge”. Thank you for allowing me to participate in this!

The prompt that I chose was “Handcuffs x Chocolate” and while in itself it would have called for a simple Valentine’s Day fuckfest involving handcuffs and candies, I decided to spice things up a little bit with a few drops of blood. I have always wanted to write a fic on period sex and decided to combine it with this prompt. While I know it may not be everybody’s cup of tea (please read the warnings before reading!), I had a lot of fun writing this fic and hope you will like it!

Summary: you can’t wait to celebrate Valentine’s Day with Negan but being on your period you are not comfortable with the idea of becoming intimate with your husband until he convinces you otherwise...

Characters: Negan x Reader

Word count: 5,760

Warnings: daddy kink, dirty talk, smut (cum play, oral sex, orgasm withdrawal, period blood play, period sex, rough sex, spanking, vaginal sex), swearing

Tags: @jeffreydeanneganstrash, @negans-network, @i-am-negan-trash, @emoryhemsworth, @ridingmoxley, @ladysyn, ​

Please let me know if you want on/off my forever tag list!

I appreciate feedback and most days don’t bite. So don’t be shy, please feel free to comment, message or ask me anything!

You winced in pain and wrapped your arms around your legs, hugging them close to your chest. You would have given an arm and a leg for a Tylenol right now, or better yet, your uterus and all your remaining ovaries to make the pain stop, but unfortunately the Sanctuary had run out of painkillers weeks ago. Before the apocalypse, you would have popped a pill or used a hot pillow to curl up in bed with along with your favourite TV show and a bar of chocolate to make it through the first day of your period. You were lucky that cramps only bothered you at the beginning of your flow and then subsided quickly, but without any of the comforts you were used to before it was a dreadful day every month.

But pain was not the only thing that bothered you this evening. You had to get your period today of all days. It wasn’t supposed to start until late next week, but for some reason, it decided to grace you with its presence unexpectedly and if that wasn’t enough, right on Valentine’s Day. Or, to be more precise, on your day of Valentine’s Week.

Since your husband had multiple wives, seven in total and couldn’t split Valentine’s Day into seven equal pieces, Negan decided to celebrate each day of the week with another wife, renaming it Valentine’s Week. He allowed you to agree on the schedule and each of the wives to pick their favourite day in advance and you were more than happy to go with Sunday, the last Valentine’s Day of the week.

But Mother Nature seemed to have other plans for you. Instead of moans of pleasure she decided to gift you with moans of pain, to remind you of her almighty presence in the grand scheme of things, with little regard to the world turning into a living hell with reanimated corpses walking among the living, or today being Valentine’s Day and your plans for a night of carnal bliss with your husband. You hoped that whoever Mother Nature was, she went through the same hell of cramps every month. It was only fair.  

You had no idea what to do about your predicament. Had you known that your period was about to start, you would have picked another day of the week, but it was too late for that now. When Simon knocked on your door an hour ago with an envelope and a beautiful gift box in hand, your heart skipped a beat. The envelope contained a letter handwritten by Negan telling you that he was looking forward to spending tonight with you and that he wanted you to wear the gift he sent you and nothing else.

You knew that Negan would inevitably come to your room, but didn’t know how to tell him that you couldn’t spend the night with him. You had never refused his advances before and having been a wife for only a month, you had not had to deal with the question of sex on your period either. You could have asked Sherry or Amber for advice but being Negan’s newest wife meant that you weren’t close enough to any of them yet to trust them with such a personal matter.

First, you didn’t even want to open the box, and just set it aside. You had no intention of changing out of your comfortable sweatpants and oversized hoodie that wrapped you up in a cocoon, safe and warm. But curiosity got the better of you. Slowly untying the black ribbon, you unwrapped the shiny silver paper, careful not to tear it. Inside was an elegant cream coloured cardboard box with two words written on it in ornate black letters:

Agent Provocateur

You removed the lid of the box and put your hands in front of your mouth in shock. It was the most beautiful set of lingerie you had ever seen. Sheer, black, lacy, complete with bra, thong, stockings and suspenders, wrapped in elegant tissue paper. Leaving little to the imagination and designated for a single purpose: to seduce and be seduced. The perfect gift for Valentine’s Day, for both of your pleasure. You couldn’t help but bow down before your husband’s impeccable taste.

You ran your fingers over the fabric and imagined how soft it would feel on your skin. Closing your eyes, you saw Negan in front of you entering your room and taking in for the first time your half-naked form lying on the bed wearing the outfit he had selected for you. You could see his hazel eyes, dark with hunger and him licking his lips in anticipation. His mouth curled up into a smirk revealing a set of dimples that made him even more handsome. He was about to speak, and you expected to hear a remark of appreciation, followed by something naughty. But the words you heard next were anything but naughty and nothing resembling appreciation.

“Doll, why the fuckity fuck haven’t you changed into the clothes I sent you?”

Your eyes snapped open, and your mouth fell agape when you noticed Negan standing at the door with a look of displeasure written on his face. You got so caught up in your little fantasy that you didn’t hear him enter your room.  

He was wearing grey pants, and a white t-shirt, his red scarf wrapped around his neck and his signature black leather jacket draped over his shoulder leisurely. The only item missing from his usual attire was Lucille, but the fact that he was currently sans his beloved baseball bat didn’t make his presence any less intimidating. He held two boxes in his hand, a smaller, rectangular one and a bigger, heart-shaped one.

The intensity of his gaze made you freeze, the invisible command in his eyes leaving no doubt in you that he was expecting an answer, and quickly. Negan had little patience for disobedience, and right now you were actively ignoring his wish he had expressed loud and clear in his letter. While you had been a wife for a short time only, you knew well enough that this could be considered a dangerous game, which wouldn’t go unpunished if you didn’t come up with a reasonable explanation.

“I’m sorry, Negan,” you replied timidly, looking down on the set of lingerie sitting on your lap. “It’s beautiful, I love it. It’s just that...I’m not feeling like it today. It’s one of my ugly days.”

You put the lid back on the box and set it down on the cushion feeling as if you didn’t deserve such a special gift.

“Nonsense, baby. Every day is your ‘fucking sexy’ day if you ask me.” Negan removed his leather jacket from his shoulder and draped it over the couch next to the door.

You peaked up at him through your eyelashes following his every move in an attempt to assess his mood. While he looked tense and somewhat disappointed, probably having expected to see you in less and much sexier clothing by this point, he didn’t seem to be angry with you either. Your excuse, even if it was only half the truth, was enough to spare you his wrath at your insubordination, at least for now. But Negan was a tenacious man, and you were sure he wasn’t going to let it go, especially when it concerned the promise of sex or especially the denial of it.

He made his way to your bed and sat down next to you, the mattress sinking in slightly under his weight.

“Look, baby, I brought you more presents,” he beamed putting down the two boxes on the bed between you. “Open the red one first.”

He nuzzled your hair with his nose, his hot breath sending goosebumps down your arms. You closed your eyes and inhaled his manly scent, a combination of leather, body wash and musk. You lifted the top of the heart-shaped box and found a selection of handmade chocolates inside, arranged in a beautiful pattern.

“Chocolate?” you squealed in delight. “I haven’t had chocolate in...I don’t know since when. Thank you, Negan. But how did you get this?” you asked in surprise. Such delicacies were a particularly rare treat in the apocalypse and practically impossible to find.

“I have my ways,” he muttered while starting to trail soft kisses along your neck. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby. Now open the black box,” he instructed.

You set the chocolate down on the nightstand and opened the second box. Lifting the lid, you found a pair of silver handcuffs resting on a purple cushion inside.

“Oh...am I in trouble, Daddy?” you purred against his lips innocently.

Fire flashed in his eyes at your words and the air between you changed suddenly, turning from light and playful to hot and heavy.

“You are in a whole fucking lot of trouble, little one,” he groaned deeply, and the underlying threat in his words made heat pool in your belly. He moved his hand up to your neck and gently tilted your head back to get more access to your exposed skin.

For a moment you almost forgot that you couldn’t have sex with him tonight. The scrape of his stubble left a delicious burn in its wake, making you go weak in the knees. You wanted him and wanted to give in to him, but couldn’t. Shaking your head to regain your composure you leaned away from your husband’s touch reluctantly.

“I’m not sure about tonight, Negan,” you offered meekly, fidgeting with the handcuffs in your lap. The metal jingled between your shaking fingers.

A disapproving look crossed Negan’s face. He might have had little patience for disobedience, but he had zero tolerance for stalling, and you could tell that he knew something was up. Still, you were too embarrassed to reveal the real reason for your rejection and were desperately searching for a way out of your dilemma without pissing your husband off.  

“I mean...I didn’t get you anything for Valentine’s Day,” you asserted and cringed internally at how lame it sounded as soon as the words left your mouth. “I know Frankie gave you a naked oil massage on Wednesday and Amber baked you heart-shaped muffins yesterday. I ran out of ideas on what I could give you that they haven’t done already before me. I’m sorry that I cannot reciprocate your gifts.”

You looked up at Negan hoping you sounded and looked convincing. He tilted his head to the side and studied your face for a moment, apparently trying to decide if you were being sincere or playing games with him. Finally, the corners of his lips curled upwards into a lascivious smile, flashing his pearly white teeth.

“I don’t mind, baby girl. You can repay me in kind,” he chuckled tracing his upper lips with the tip of his tongue and started kissing your neck again. “I think we should put these to good use right away,” Negan coaxed with a devilish smirk and picking up the handcuffs from the box in your lap, twirled them around his index finger lazily.

“Negan...I’m not sure about this,” you mumbled under your breath, hating that you couldn’t say yes to him.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart, you are usually up for kinky sex!” Negan regarded you with a puzzled expression, visibly getting impatient now.

“I’m not feeling well, to be honest.”

“I will make you feel better immediately,” he winked at you suggestively and lowered his hand to your lap, tracing circles on the soft fabric. The heat of his fingers was seeping through the sweatpants right into your core.

“Negan, stop. We can’t...,” you pleaded and put your hand on his before it could go higher up your thigh.

“Oh, okay, I see what’s going on now.” His eyes lit up like someone had flipped a switch. “You’re playing hard to get. I love it when you do that.”

“No, it’s not that, Negan.”

You shook your head in desperation and put your hand firmly on his chest to keep him at a safe distance.

“Then what the fuck is it, doll? Because you are sure as shit wearing my patience thin,” Negan snapped, the playful tone of earlier now completely gone from his voice. “Tell me!” he demanded in irritation.

“I’m sorry, Negan, it’s...it’s just that...it’s that time of the month!” you blurted out partly relieved that the truth was finally out but on the other hand feeling even more embarrassed than before. “And...I have cramps, feel bloated and ugly, and you cannot possibly want me like this,” you finished with a sigh and wrapped your arms around your chest protectively.

You expected Negan to stand up and leave the room angered and disappointed with you but instead, he cupped your chin and lifted it up so that you were looking at him. His face showed no sign of anger or disappointment, but pure infatuation and raw passion.

“Baby, you are my wife, and I love you. I would want you even if you were covered in walker guts,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Ewww...,” you wrinkled your nose in disgust and slapped his arm lightly.

“Plus I have the perfect cure for your cramps,” Negan added with a wink.

“I thought we ran out of painkillers.”

“We did, but this is a natural remedy.”

A hint of mischief gleamed in his eyes.

“A pill?” you queried.

“No, doll, this one is not taken orally. Well, it can be, but not if you wish to take advantage of its beneficial side-effects.”

You looked at your husband honestly bewildered now.

“I don’t understand. What kind of medication is this then?”

“I have it right here tucked away in my pants,” Negan said simply and laid back on his elbows on the mattress.

At first, you thought he meant tucked away in his pockets but then followed his gaze to the centre of his pants and the outline of an impressive bulge.

You folded your arms in front of your chest and narrowed your eyes at him with a frown.

“Negan, if this is another one of your dirty jokes then I’m not in the mood for them right now.”

“No, doll. This is no joke. The cure for your cramps is sex. There is nothing better to make the pain go away than an orgasm.”

“But is...sex on my period? You know...?”

“Is that what?” he inquired sensing your hesitation.

“Normal?” you whispered, feeling your cheeks heat up, still not entirely comfortable with talking about the topic in front of him.

“Why the fuck wouldn’t it be normal? Yeah, it can be a little messy, but I fucking love messy sex. You never had sex on your period before?”  

You shook your head embarrassed.

“My ex...he said that it was gross and he wouldn’t come near me when it was “shark week” as he liked to call it. He thought that period blood was disgusting and that I smelled weird during those days, no matter how many times I showered.”

Negan made a low grunt in his throat and bared his teeth like an angry wolf.

“Doll, that stupid fuck should be glad that he’s dead already, otherwise I would track him down and shove Lucille right up his sorry ass and twirl her around twice to teach him a lesson for that fucking insult. Period sex is abso-fucking-lutely normal, hell, I find it fucking awesome! Not that I don’t find sex in general awesome already, but there’s just something about period sex that makes it even hotter than usual.”

His confession amazed you. Not only was he not grossed out by the idea, but he was even turned on by it!

“But won’t it hurt?”

“Well, I can’t make any promises to go slow, you know how worked up being inside that hot pussy of yours makes me, but I’ll try to go gentler than usual. If you feel any discomfort, you tell me, okay?”

“But I don’t want to ruin the sheets...or the couch!” you argued knowing the favourite spots of Negan in your room to have sex.

“And you won’t, because we will have sex in the shower. The warm water will help to ease your cramps and wash away the blood. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.”

You contemplated his words for a few seconds. His eyes showed a mixture of need and affection. He genuinely wanted you, no matter what, and the realisation felt like a massive weight had been lifted off your shoulder.

“Okay, I’m out of excuses,” you admitted finally with a lopsided smile.

“Thank-fucking-God,” Negan breathed. “The tent in my pants is killing me already.”

He cupped your cheek and crashed his lips on yours devouring them in a heated kiss.

“Then let me do something about that, Daddy,” you murmured against his mouth and lowered your hand to his fly intent on following up on your promise right away, but Negan stopped you by grabbing your hands before you could pull down the zipper.

“Uh-oh. Not so fast, little one. Didn’t you forget something?”

You looked at him quizzically.

“What do you mean, Daddy?”

“You disobeyed my order on what to wear and tried to turn me down because you were too shy to communicate with me. That’s two strikes already, and I have been in your room for only ten minutes. You know that I cannot let something like that slide. I am your husband, and there are no secrets you can keep from me. Understood?”

You nodded obediently.

“Yes, Daddy. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“I know it fucking won’t because I will make sure you remember it after tonight,” Negan affirmed with an evil grin. “Now let’s get you out of these clothes.”

“Yes, Daddy,” you nodded submissively.

“Good girl. Hold up your arms.”

Negan put down the handcuffs on the bed sheet and lifted the hem of your hoodie, pulling it over your head along with your t-shirt. He unclasped your bra with his calloused fingers and tossed it behind him. He placed his palms on your shoulders and pushed you down on the mattress, trailing featherlike kisses and soft bites along your neck and collarbone. Reaching your breasts, he cupped each of them in his large hands and massaged them gently. Bending down, he latched his mouth on your perk nipple. He sucked it between his lips greedily, eliciting a long wail from you.

“Do you like this, baby?” he inquired looking up from his ministrations with lust-filled eyes.

“Yes, Daddy. Please don’t stop,” you pleaded unabashedly.

“Good girl, asking so nicely. Tell me what you want Daddy to do.”

The answer would have been for him to taste you but your mind stopped you from saying it out loud. That wasn’t an option now.

“Speak up, little one or I will stop right now,” Negan urged sensing your uncertainty.

“Uhm...I’m sorry, Daddy. I want something that we can’t do now...”

“We can do anything you want, baby girl. Speak!” he insisted pinching your nipple. You yelped at the sensation, complaining about the rough treatment of your oversensitive bud.

“I want you to taste my pussy, Daddy,” you whimpered helplessly.

“Is that right, princess? Then Daddy shall do exactly that.”

Negan continued his way down from your breasts along your stomach. He dipped his tongue into your belly button, and you couldn’t help but giggle uncontrollably. You put your hands on top of his head and tried to push him further down, away from your tickle spot and closer to where you wanted to feel him the most.

“Patience, baby girl. Daddy will give you what you want but only if you are good for him,” Negan warned, and you huffed in protest, letting your hands fall back on the sheet next to your body.

Your reaction didn’t meet his approval, and you felt a slap against your clothed sex, earning a yelp from you at the unexpected punishment.

“Behave, little one or I will not go easy on you. You already have two strikes today, don’t make me give you another one. You know what happens if you get a third strike, right?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“I want to hear you say it,” Negan demanded in a low voice.

“You will punish me, and I don’t get to cum.”

“And why is that? Tell me!” he pressed further.

“Because bad girls don’t get to cum,” you replied dutifully.

“That is exactly right, sweetheart,” he hissed with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Stay where you are and do not move.”

He stood up swiftly and made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. You raised yourself on your elbows, curious about what he was up to, but the faint noises coming from behind the door gave little away. You heard the sound of drawers opening and closing.

You looked around the room and felt your stomach rumble when your eyes settled on the heart-shaped box lying on the nightstand. You peeked over your shoulder, listening for clues on how much time you had before your husband’s return but heard nothing. Your stomach growled again, louder this time, reminding you of the skipped dinner.

You got up from the bed and lifted the lid of the box carefully. The scent of chocolate hit your nostrils and made your mouth water. Making a little dance with your fingers, you contemplated which piece of dessert to choose, and then finally settled on a milk chocolate ball sprinkled with sea salt. You popped the little ball into your mouth and moaned out loud as it melted in your mouth, and the flavour hit your taste buds. The combination of sweet and salty was caressing your tongue like a soft pillow, and you closed your eyes to savour the sensation.

“If I remember correctly, I told you to stay where you were and not to move,” you heard Negan’s cold voice from behind you and spun around on your heel. “I have a feeling that you have just earned your third strike, little one.”

He was standing at the bathroom door, with a black towel in hand and a sinister look on his face. He was not wearing his t-shirt anymore, and the red scarf was missing from around his neck. You couldn’t help but marvel at the salt and pepper curls adorning his toned chest. “Congratulations. Three strikes in half an hour. I think that’s a fucking world record. What a shame that your prize is going to be anything but a reward.”

You fidgeted nervously under his penetrating gaze and were trying to think of an excuse to lessen your punishment, but knew that it was a lost cause.

“I know you like to be punished, but I think that will change quickly if I make your punishment less enjoyable for you and more pleasurable for me,” Negan mused biting his lower lip.

“I’m sorry, Daddy, I couldn’t help it. My hormones are giving me cravings,” you replied while swallowing down the remnants of the chocolate in your mouth.

“Naughty, naughty girl,” Negan growled dangerously as he started advancing on you. “I see that you need to be taught a lesson. I was going to eat you out first to get you nice and ready for me, but not anymore, baby girl.” When he reached you, he grabbed the box of chocolate from your hand, tossed it on the bed and picked up the handcuffs lying on the sheet. “We are done going slow tonight. Turn around.”

His words made a shiver run down your spine. You turned around and felt him grab your right wrist and pull it behind your back. You heard the click of the handcuffs and felt the cold metal around one wrist then the other. Without further ado, he grabbed your arm and pulled you towards the bathroom. He pushed the door open and dragged you inside, kicking the door shut after you with a loud bang. The lights were off, but the bathroom was lit by a dozen candles scattered around the sink, their soft glow dancing on your skin as the movement of the door made them flicker. Negan must have lit them while you were outside snacking on the chocolate.

Negan unbuckled his belt and pulled down his pants and boxers, his cock springing free and hitting his stomach. Droplets of precum were coating his swollen tip, glistening in the dim light. He hooked his fingers in your sweatpants and tugged them down your hips along with your panties, letting them pool on the floor at your feet and then helped you out of them. Once you were standing completely naked in front of him, you crossed your legs, trying to hide the thin blue string peeking out between your legs in shame.

“Tsk, tsk...,” Negan shook his head and showed his hands between your legs to force them apart, pulled out the tampon in one quick motion and tossed it into the trashcan unceremoniously.

You could feel warm blood trickle down your inner thigh, but Negan didn’t seem to care as he stepped into the shower and started the water. Once he was happy with the temperature, he turned around and pulled you inside the cabin after him.

Before you knew it, you were shown against the cold tile wall, his tongue demanding access to your mouth aggressively. The handcuffs pressed into your back painfully, and you tried to hold onto the slippery surface as the warm water from the shower cascaded down on you. Negan’s hands were roaming your body, grabbing, groping and exploring every inch of your naked form greedily. Once his hand reached your pussy, he slipped a finger inside you, the combined wetness of your arousal and blood allowing him easy access. Slowly, he slid a second finger in next to the first and began to scissor them gently. Your pussy clenched around him instinctively, and you groaned out loud at the loss of contact when you felt Negan remove his fingers from your heat.

“Taste yourself!” he ordered, and you looked up at him in shock.

His fingers were covered in blood. In your blood.

Your face grew hot under his scrutiny, and you opened your mouth for him tentatively. He pushed the first finger, then the second past your lips and you sucked both clean keeping your eyes fixed on his. The blood felt sticky and warm and coated the insides of your mouth like a creamy sauce. The metallic taste of it mixed with the lingering flavour of chocolate on your tongue, and you would have been lying if you had said it was unpleasant. The knowledge of tasting your blood was oddly bizarre and yet there was something titillating about the forbidden nature of it as well as the way your husband was making you do this.

Negan was eyeing you intently as if he could hear your inner thoughts and laughed darkly upon seeing you lick your bloodstained lips with illicit pleasure.

“Give me a taste, too,” he panted with hooded eyes and slammed his mouth down onto yours, lapping up the residual blood from your lips in a sloppy kiss. “Fucking delicious,” he purred under his breath and turned you around, shoving you up against the wall.

He trailed his finger down your spine from your neck to your lower back making you shiver despite the warmth of the water pouring over your body. The walls of the shower cabin were now misty from the steam that had accumulated inside the bathroom. Not being able to wait any longer, he finally entered you from behind with a sharp thrust. He kept his word and dictated a fast rhythm right away, not giving you time to adjust to him. While you were more sensitive than unusual, the slight discomfort was soon replaced by the sheer pleasure of him hitting your G-spot with the tip of his dick. He grabbed your hips with one hand and lowered the other to your clit, rubbing tiny circles on it with his fingers.

"Do you like this, little one?” he rasped in a seductive tone.

You cried out, not being able to form a coherent reply, but this wasn’t enough for Negan. He grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled your body up against his chest roughly. Your scalp prickled uncomfortably and you tried in vain to squirm away from him.

“I asked you a question, little one. Do you like this?” he barked at you.

“Yes, Daddy, please fuck me harder!” you heard yourself beg in a pathetic voice.

However, Negan did the complete opposite and slid out halfway, keeping only the tip of his throbbing cock inside you.

“I think not, baby girl. You were a very bad girl earlier and need to be punished.”

You leaned your head back on his shoulder and tried to push yourself back on his cock but were stopped by a sharp slap on your ass. Mewling in pain you tried to wiggle away from his grasp but to no avail, your hands were cuffed, and he was holding you tightly against him.

“Ten counts, little one. This is your punishment. Stay still, or I will double it!” he snarled at you, and you knew resistance was futile. You had no choice but to accept your punishment. Closing your eyes, you gave him a quick nod in defeat and acceptance of your fate.

You screamed as he swatted your asscheeks, one after the other with an open hand, his cock still buried halfway inside your pussy. He spanked you hard and mercilessly, pausing after each hit until the tremors in your body subsided and your pitiful sobs faded to quiet whimpers. While his assault on your flesh was painful, you couldn’t ignore the tingling growing in your core. Your ass felt sore and the water prickled against your hot skin. Once Negan was finished, he rubbed your tender backside a few times with his palm to soothe the pain.

“Fucking hell, baby girl,” he gave a quick whistle of admiration at his handiwork. “There isn’t a hotter sight than my handprint on your ass. I should spank you more often.”

A silent cry escaped your lips as you felt him plunge into you in one long, slick thrust, his entire length buried to the hilt. He picked up the speed and started pounding you with no mercy, his balls slapping against your pussy.

“Fuck, baby girl. You are so wet for me and if you saw how my cock looks like now going in and out of your pussy, coated in your blood. It's a fucking vampire dick! Lucille would be so goddamn jealous right now...the vampire bat that she is."

His dirty words were pushing you further towards the edge and your body stiffened in anticipation. Even through the fog of lust you remembered that you were not allowed to cum. You gritted your teeth trying to regain control over your overstimulated senses, but your body was on fire, every fibre in your body craving release.

“Don’t you dare to cum!” Negan snarled at you and smacked your ass hard in warning upon feeling your pussy clamp down on in his dick.

His movements became deeper and more urgent, his fingertips digging into your hips painfully.

“Where do you want me to cum, baby girl? In your pussy? On your ass?” His voice was hoarse and uneven, betraying his composure.

“No, Daddy. In my mouth, please,” you pleaded shamelessly.

“Your wish is my command, little one. Get on your knees,” he husked in your ear and pulled out of your pussy.

You lowered yourself in front of him, the hard floor of the shower pressing against your knees, and opened your mouth for him, sticking out your tongue with a wanton look. Negan palmed his dick, still coated with your cum and blood, and started pumping it furiously. The sound of slapping skin filled the tight space of the shower. After a few hard strokes, he grabbed your hair to angle your head and began shooting streams of hot, thick cum in your mouth and on your chin, painting your tongue white with his release. Shouting a string of curses under his breath, he continued to stroke himself milking the last drops of cum from his cock until he was utterly spent and then smeared it on your lips with the tip languidly.

You watched him in awe, the sight of him losing control in front of your eyes and marking you with his seed making you feel wanted and powerful. You swallowed the load of cum in your mouth hungrily and licked off the drops from your lips and around your mouth before letting the water from the shower wash away the rest of the sticky residue from your face. Sucking his softening dick into your mouth, you licked every drop of your combined juices and blood from him, keeping your gaze on his flushed face. He stared down at you, his pupils blown with desire, caressing your cheek with his thumb softly.

“Such a good girl cleaning up Daddy’s dick so nicely.”

You looked up at him submissively, his praise and sated expression filling your body with a spark of pride and despite your denied orgasm, a sense of utter satisfaction.

An hour later both of you were lying in your bed, tucked under the soft, warm blanket. Negan picked out a little heart-shaped piece from the box of chocolate lying on his stomach and fed it to you as you drew tiny circles on his chest with your pinky.

“Hmmm...this is heavenly. There is nothing better than chocolate,” you moaned out chewing happily on the sweet dessert.

“I have to correct you on that one, baby girl. There is one thing that’s even better than chocolate,” Negan hummed against your ear and popped a small dark chocolate ball into his mouth.

His voice was even lower than usual, the many orders he roared at you earlier making his voice raspy and yet sweet as molasses to your ears.

“Okay, you’re right. Chocolate and sex. It’s a good combination.”

“With a few drops of blood added to it,” Negan grinned thickly.

“As you wish, my Bloody Valentine!” you teased with a wink. “Who knew you could develop an appetite for blood?”

“Only for your blood, baby. Only for your blood,” Negan cooed seductively and placed a chaste kiss on your lips.

[sarahraffertysource]

When the USA legal drama “Suits” returns for its eighth season on Wednesday, it doesn’t take long to address the elephant in the room. Or rather the elephants not in the room.

“Harvey, I’m only going to ask you this once,” Donna Paulsen (Sarah Rafferty) tells her boss, Harvey Specter (Gabriel Macht), in the season premiere. “Is there a chance that you are overreacting to Mike having just left?”

“I don’t know, Donna,” he says, before adding, with typical swagger and lack of self-awareness: “But to tell you the truth, I don’t care.”

Fans know better and, more important, so does “Suits.” In its new season, the show doesn’t pretend the departures of the leading actors Patrick J. Adams, who played Mike Ross, and the new royal Meghan Markle, who played Mike’s love-interest-turned-wife, Rachel Zane, didn’t leave a hole in the show.

Instead, it will explore how losing Mike affects the remaining characters, particularly Harvey, while also using the change as an opportunity for a reset. The recurring characters Alex Williams (Dulé Hill) and Katrina Bennett (Amanda Schull) are now series regulars and a new enterprising, disruptive lawyer named Samantha Wheeler, played by Katherine Heigl, takes the firm by storm.

Aaron Korsh, the show’s creator, said, “I’m going to miss Meghan and Patrick, but I think there are still interesting stories to tell. And then on the other side of it, you have a rejuvenation with new energy, on screen and off.”

With shows like “House of Cards” and “Transparent” losing lead actors because of sexual misconduct allegations and “Roseanne” because of racist tweets, there is no shortage of TV shows currently reinventing themselves on the fly. (“Roseanne” is technically becoming a new series, “The Connors.”) But the exit of Mike, a secretly unqualified attorney who has been the show’s moral center, is more akin to planned TV departures of the past, like Alan Alda’s Hawkeye Pierce from “M*A*S*H” or George Clooney’s Doug Ross from “ER.”

“About a year ago, Patrick called me and let me know he wanted to move on,” Mr. Korsh said. “So we had that amount of time to figure it out.”

With Mike and Rachel married and gone to Seattle to start a socially conscious firm, the show will continue to focus on the story of Harvey, the hardworking, take-no-prisoners, romantically-challenged head of the rechristened law firm Zane Specter Litt. For Mr. Macht, the new twists, turns and personnel represent an energy infusion for the long-running show, which remains USA Network’s most watched program.

“There’s going to be enough of the old that fans of the show love,” he said. “But also new dynamics which challenge the status quo.”

The most notable new dynamic involves the arrival of Ms. Heigl’s Samantha, a protégé of Robert Zane (Wendell Pierce). Viewers first meet her not in a courtroom or a corporate office, but as a ruthless aggressor in a kickboxing ring, a sign that for all her beauty and brilliance, she is foremost an aggressive, formidable player as Robert and Harvey engage in power struggles at the firm.

Ms. Heigl has long been a fan of both “Suits” and Mr. Korsh, she said, praising in particular the showrunner’s knack for creating “strong female characters.”

“They know who they are and are at ease in their own skin and don’t take [expletive],” Ms. Heigl said. “When they apologize, they mean it. I don’t know how many times a day I apologize when I don’t have anything to apologize for.”

The actress, who found fame on the medical soap “Grey’s Anatomy” and was most recently seen along with Mr. Hill on CBS’s legal drama “Doubt,” adapted quickly to the brisk banter of “Suits,” her new co-stars said. “Katy brings incredible charisma, humor, groundedness and stability, and she gets the syntax and rhythm of the show immediately,” Mr. Macht said.

“That new energy makes it a reboot,” he added. “Also the infighting at the law firm — how we can love to hate each other, how we can each win to become the insider we all are striving to be.”

But while the firm’s attorneys are marked by their outsiderness in the elite world of corporate law — whether because of hypernerdiness (Louis Litt, played by Rick Hoffman), class (Harvey), gender (Samantha), or race (Alex and Zane) — the show distinguishes itself with its relentless yet mostly unremarked upon commitment to diversity and inclusion.

“For me, they’re just human beings who happen to be various genders and races,” Mr. Korsh said. And yet he recognized that such people are also shaped by the cultural and social experiences of their lives.

“Shonda Rhimes said she tries to make the show look like the world around her — I read that and I like that thought,” he said. If during casting you “bring in everybody — not just one kind of person — and you cast the best actor for the role, you will automatically have a diverse cast.”

Such subtleness and sensitivity is appreciated by cast members like Mr. Hill. His character, Alex, is a dogged, resourceful attorney, and he hopes that people root for him because “he’s someone who dared to dream, and to see the dream come to pass has taken a lot of work.” While his African-American identity is an important dimension, it does not always drive the plot.

“In my life, I’m always aware of the fact that I’m a black man, but it’s not at the forefront of every conversation that I have,” Mr. Hill said.

Though the new characters and relationships might be a jolt to longtime “Suits” enthusiasts, the creators promise that the show’s aesthetic sensibility — defined by quick-paced dialogue, edgy workplace fashion and contentious rivalries, inside and outside the firm — remains intact. And while they emphasize their enthusiasm over the new direction and possibilities, in quieter moments they allow that the transition has been challenging at times.

“That first week back was really heavy,” Mr. Macht said wistfully, in a decidedly un-Harvey mode. “Patrick and I started out together on this show, we made a deal to challenge and support each other and create an atmosphere of a set family. So when he left, it was a massive void for me, personally, thinking my partner is not here.”

That said, “there’s enough excitement and continuing of similar themes and new themes that people will be engaged,” he added. “Hopefully one day when this thing ends, he’ll come back and do an episode.”

[yeonchi]

Kisekae Insights #25: The last of Hiroki’s prototypes

Originally, I wasn’t planning on making an instalment of Kisekae Insights this month because I was planning on building a new PC, but then I suddenly got depressed because of stuff and that had to be put on hold, so I decided to write a couple more instalments. At the same time, I’m planning on ending the second run of Kisekae Insights after the next instalment to make way for the Doctor Who Series 13 reviews and also to focus on the last leg of my personal project. 9 instalments in 6 months isn’t bad compared to 16 in the first run, but that’s probably because a few instalments were filler and I have a job now so I don’t have as much time to work on new content. It will take me some time to prepare content for the third run (when I eventually get around to it), but I promise that we’ll go straight into the big stuff, namely My Little Pony, Gokaiger, Decade and Soulbound. I said back in #17 that I would hopefully cover it this year, but obviously things have changed.

Most of Hiroki’s prototypes that I’ve covered up to this point are OCs of animes that have had a significant influence on my personal project; this is not necessarily the case for the remaining ones, particularly because a couple of them are totally original characters. Let’s dive right in and cover the last of Hiroki’s prototypes.

Please note that there is a content warning for family/domestic violence and suicide.

Richard Yang: The First Prototype

Remember back in #6 when I said that Kyōko Izumi is the “Genesis Prototype”? Richard is the “first prototype” because chronologically, he is the first of Hiroki’s prototypes.

Bodyguards and Assassins (十月圍城), not to be mistaken for the namesake movie, is a series I created (or rather, conceptualised because I never really wrote out the series fully) in 2010 as a late-night drama on my totally real TV network after all the simulcasts of TVB dramas were done for the evening (we’ve really come far over the years). Richard Yang wasn’t written as Hiroki’s prototype until 2013 because I didn’t have that plot point back then.

In the drama, Richard is basically an explorer who has adventures. His style name is Samlin because at one point, he became sworn siblings with several other people who either resembled or were characters from Fifi and the Flowertots or Angelina Ballerina, one of them being Ms Mimi, who is like the elder sister or something. His timeline probably got cancelled out by the time he came onto Doctor Who.

Four series of Bodyguards and Assassins were made between 2010 and 2013. The second series involved Richard meeting his old primary school friends or something, the third series involved characters from K-On and the fourth series involved Richard meeting (a reincarnated version) of Yuri Nakamura from Angel Beats, who would go on to become his girlfriend. Richard began being featured on Doctor Who in 2012 with the Kikuchi Arc in Series 4 (he doesn’t do much in it though), but his origin wouldn’t be covered until the year after for the 50th Anniversary.

Speaking of Angel Beats, the series’ main characters, Kanade Tachibana and Yuzuru Otonashi, were also the Doctor’s companions for a few episodes at the end of Series 1 and 2 and the entirety of Series 3 and 4, making numerous reappearances over the years. Aside from Yuri, other characters from Angel Beats were also featured, but not given much focus.

In 2001, Hiroki was with his parents at Madame Tussaud’s in Hong Kong (the actual one, not the other one that we usually use to refer to Melbourne). While his father was trying to take a photo of his wife and son with the wax figures of The Beatles, Hiroki was too busy playing with George Harrison’s hair (I don’t exactly know which one is which so I might be wrong, like that matters anyway), causing him to be distracted. His mother slapped him, causing him to cry and regenerate into Richard. While Hiroki’s real body materialised later, he managed to swap places with Richard so that no one would get suspicious.

Following his birth, the 4-year-old Richard ended up living at an orphanage before he fell back in time to 1998 and ended up in Nagoya with no memories of his past. He was discovered by a local orphanage, but after no one adopted him for a period of three years, he was adopted by one of the female workers.

An unexpected invasion from the Oda Army in 2004 caused Richard to be separated from his adoptive mother. He was found by the Tongmenghui, who decided to take him in, considering his situation. Taking on the name Richard Yang, he became the leader of the Tongmenghui and led children in a rebellion against their parents. This would be known as the Dinghai-Wuzi Revolution of 2007.

Following the end of the Revolution, Richard started studying Geography and Teaching at Tokyo University, eventually becoming a professor there by 2012. He also began working as a casual relief teacher at Camembert Academy and as a tutor in the Chipping Cheddar area, where he eventually decided to settle down with Yuri.

When the Superhero Project was being developed in 2017, Richard moved to Auckland and became the commander of the Superhero Project for UNIT NZ, tasked with looking after the Shinkengers and Go-Busters. After the Superhero Project was decommissioned in 2019 (Soulbound Series 3), Richard was recalled from UNIT NZ and sent to Minato-Sugaru Island to help investigate a minus energy phenomenon, going undercover as a teacher at Canterlot High School. He returned to his normal UNIT duties the year after, during which the Superhero Project was recommissioned.

Zhuge Qiao: Successor of the Guardians’ legacy

(Morina created on Chibi Maker by gen8)

Like with Richard, Zhuge Qiao is another character who was just introduced out of the blue and given an origin story later, the main difference being that Zhuge Qiao’s introduction and origin story was entirely contained within the main Doctor Who series instead of being introduced in a totally unrelated series. She did get a spinoff series though.

Shugo Chara, the series which Zhuge Qiao was created for, was featured in the project in 2012 and 2013. Aside from Zhuge Qiao, the Doctor, Parker, Hiroki and Akari received (multiple) Guardian Characters, but they were relegated to the dollhouse (or Hakushi’s mini-TARDIS) soon after their debut and written out some time after (with the exception of four who were travelling in Hakushi’s mini-TARDIS). The reason why Heart’s Eggs exist is because of a morphic field in the city that caused people to develop them in their hearts. The morphic field would later evolve to the point where visitors to the city could develop Heart’s Eggs and hatch Guardian Characters reflecting their personalities if their emotions were strong enough. However, Heart’s Eggs developed in this manner would disappear from the visitors’ hearts within days of leaving the city and even if a Guardian Character were to hatch from it, they wouldn’t last very long without the companionship of other Guardian Characters.

In 2005, Hiroki went to Honnōji in Kyoto to evade his former lovers, Kimia and Tiffany, who had joined forces and formed the Kurayami Alliance in an effort to assassinate him. He was then forced to commit suicide, resulting in him regenerating into a female prototype, who would come to be known as Zhuge Qiao. Before you ask, yes, she is named after the Three Kingdoms figure of the same name, just as Parker was named after Zhuge Liang.

Zhuge Qiao was brought back to UNIT HQ, where she said a brief farewell to Hiroki before heading off to travel the world on her own, eventually going on to fight in the Parallax War as well. In the final days of the Parallax War, she was attacked by a group of X-Egg influenced humans in Handan on Popei Island and was saved by Amu Hinamori, who she became good friends with. After the Parallax War ended, she would go on to gain a Guardian Character named Morina and establish Torchwood North, an organisation for Guardians to continue their duties even after graduating from Seiyo Academy. Although her Character Change has not been shown in the stories I’ve written, Zhuge Qiao can Character Transform into Beautiful Dream, wielding the Marigold Saber Sword.

During her time in Torchwood North, Zhuge Qiao assisted the Guardians in protecting humanity, though she did slip away from Popei Island to help wherever she was needed. She also planned on making a system that would allow the Guardians to transform at will, but it was unfinished when the Daleks invaded Handan (during the events surrounding the Battle of Koshi Castle as covered in #15) and Amu and the Guardians sacrificed themselves to repel the fleet, resulting in them and their Guardian Characters being transported to the Road of Stars. Taking the remaining four Guardian Characters into consideration (because they had been travelling with Hakushi in his mini-TARDIS), Zhuge Qiao perfected her system into a belt named the Shugo Belt (similar to the Den-O Belt) and became Kamen Rider Shugo, an original Rider replacing Kamen Riders Den-O (because who needs the Den-Liner when we have the TARDIS) and Kiva (because I didn’t want to find a way around the Fangire requirement).

Sword Form – Morina (Zhuge Qiao’s Guardian Character) Analogous to Den-O Sword Form and Kiva Kiva Form, Shugo Sword Form utilises the Marigold Saber Sword (similar to the Momotarosword) as a carryover from Beautiful Dream. This form’s finisher is the Extreme Slash.

Brush Form – Miki (Amu Hinamori’s Guardian Character) Analogous to Den-O Rod Form and Kiva Garulu Form, Shugo Brush Form utilises the Canvas Brush Revolver as a giant brush to attack with brush strokes or blobs of ink (similar to Amu as Amulet Spade or Ma Dai’s moveset in Dynasty Warriors 7 and 8). This form’s finisher is the Solid Attack followed by the Open Heart Kick.

Sonic Form – Hakushi (The Doctor’s Guardian Character) Analogous to Den-O Ax Form and Kiva Dogga Form, Shugo Sonic Form utilises the Sonic Hammer (similar to the Dogga Hammer) for powerful short-range attacks. The Sonic Hammer also incorporates technology used in sonic screwdrivers to disrupt enemies at a medium range. This form’s finisher is the Dynamic Smash.

Gun Form – Mubo (Parker’s Guardian Character) Analogous to Den-O Gun Form and Kiva Basshaa Form, Shugo Gun Form utilises the Magnum Revolver (similar to the Ryuvolver) for powerful attacks at any range, however this form’s marksmanship may not be the best at times as Mubo represents Parker’s recklessness.

Climax Form Analogous to Den-O Climax Form and Kiva DoGaBaKi Form, Shugo Climax Form is activated with the K-Chara phone attached on the Shugo Belt. This final form combines the powers of all four Guardian Characters and though it is technically able to use all four aforementioned weapons, Shugo mainly uses the Marigold Saber Sword out of preference. This form’s finishers are the same as that of Den-O Climax Form, namely the Boisterous Kick/Punch/Shout/Slash.

Decade’s Final Form Ride card for Shugo summons the Guardian Sword (similar to the Evil-Crushing Hundred-Beast Sword from Gaoranger), allowing him to perform the Decade Guardian Slash together with Shugo. I had thought about using or modifying it and giving Shugo an “actual” final form stronger than Climax Form, but I decided not to.

Hayato Kisaichi: The Forgotten Prototype

There have been two special cases where one of Hiroki’s incarnations have gone on to become their own prototypes. One of them was Momoka Mizutani, Hiroki’s only female incarnation influenced by Walpurgisnacht, and the other is Hayato Kisaichi, aka the Ice King, an initially forgotten incarnation similar to the War Doctor. I should point out that due to the nature of his regeneration, this incarnation did not use up a pocket of regeneration energy; you’ll find out why soon.

Hayato’s design is modelled off a genderbent version of Elsa from Frozen. He was introduced in the opening two-parter of Series 9, which was released in August 2014, the same time as the BBC Series 8. After that, he was shelved until the 5115 Specials in November of that year.

(Genderbent Elsa art, the basis for Hayato Kisaichi/the Ice King. Art by juhaihai and Awen Ng)

After Zhuge Qiao was found and taken back to UNIT HQ, Hiroki’s next incarnation manifested naked where he fell before he stood up and metamorphosed his residual regeneration energy into ice, allowing him to become the Ice King and build Nijō Castle out of ice. He then built a machine and sent a signal for assistance, which was answered by the Nestene Consciousness, the Ice Warriors and the Weeping Angels.

Though they were not summoned by the signal, the Doctor, Hiroki and his companions from 2014 also came to 2005 in an effort to secure the foundations of Nijō Castle before it falls apart in fifteen years due to it being made out of regeneration energy. During their adventure, they joined forces with the Ice King and helped him and his army fight off the Kurayami Alliance at nearby Yamazaki, but Tiffany and Kimia manage to slip past them and head for Nijō Castle, leading to them having to head back.

Back at Nijō Castle, the Ice King ambushes the Kurayami Alliance with the Weeping Angels, who can move outside of their quantum lock due to them being under the Ice King’s control. Despite this, however, the Kurayami Alliance manage to set Nijō Castle on fire and the Ice King is killed by Kimia after a battle with Tiffany. The Ice King’s ice powers change back into regeneration energy, allowing the past Hiroki to regenerate into his next incarnation without using another regeneration in the process.

The Ice King remanifested himself as a prototype under Nijō Castle, where he laid in hibernation for the next nine years along with his army. Hiroki would begin reawakening the Ice King later during “the Day of Retribution”, but he never got to unleash him or his army. However, Hiroki did summon the Ice King and his army in Heaven when he and the Doctor confront God for rapturing millions of people. They later joined the big battle in Yokohama alongside the angels.

After the battle ended and Girl Power was defeated thanks to the intervention of Jesus Christ, the Ice King was left in the care of UNIT. He was given the name Hayato Kisaichi and offered a job in the canteen at UNIT HQ, allowing him to find a new purpose in life. Later in 2018, Hayato joined UNIT NZ and became Blue Buster. Despite no longer being the Ice King, I like to think that Hayato maintained some level of it (even if only a little). I didn’t put the Go-Busters’ weaknesses into consideration when writing Gokaiger, but I suppose that Hayato could have a tendency to overheat and go out of control, like in the Sentai.

In 2019, Hayato joined the Arima Group on invitation from its CEO, Teppei Arima, and became the development director of its subsidiary, Arima Property Development, helping develop regional towns and bringing more people to them (oh my god, he’s a developer, he works in real estate now lol). For a time, he also became the temporary host of Ultraman Dyna. The year after, he was called back to rejoin the Go-Busters.

I also like to think that Hayato befriended his teammate, Yui Ichii of the Data Processing Club, but I never showed any relationship between them because given his origin, I wanted him to stand out and be more independent instead of being reliant on intimate relationships.

(more genderbent Elsa art from an unknown artist – if anyone knows the source please feel free to contact me)

Terry Mizukoshi: The Parallel Prototype

Unlike every other prototype introduced in my personal project, Terry is unique in that he was spawned from a parallel universe counterpart of Hiroki, which was shown during his debut in 2012’s Series 4. When circumstances led him to the Doctor’s universe, he became a part of the Zhuge family like everyone else.

In a parallel universe named Destination One, Hiroki was being forcefully wed to Hideko Kimihara (a girl with Asperger syndrome that he didn’t love) thanks to the machinations of his high school friends and the Kikuchi Clan from the Doctor’s universe (Girl Power from the Doctor’s universe were pulling some strings behind the scenes as well). When the Fifth Doctor, the Eleventh Doctor (from another universe), Doctor Whooves, the Pony Doctor and their companions intervene, a battle ensues and the Kikuchi Clan lead the Doctor and his allies into Popei Castle, which is a trap that scatters everyone to different places where they confront different enemies.

While the Hiroki from Destination One doesn’t confront an enemy per se, he does see two of his crushes (one of them being Akari) with their boyfriends, causing him to regenerate as his heart breaks. Terry was the resulting prototype while the Destination One Hiroki just manifested somewhere else (namely in front of the Fifth Doctor when he came back with Hiroki and the others from 2014). After the battle ended, Terry was taken to Destination Two, where he took the place of a Hiroki who was being forcefully wed to another girl (not Hideko). The Hiroki of Destination Two would take the place of Destination One Hiroki before presumably making his way back to his own universe. As for Destination Three Hiroki, he got married to the Akari of his universe with no dramas. Gee, it’s almost as if I put in characters that ended up doing nothing at all in the story.

After a while, Terry left his wife to find his own happiness. Upon seeing the stars in his universe going out, he stole a dimension cannon (presumably from the Torchwood there) and transported to the Doctor’s universe to warn him of what was going on, but he forgot about it. Instead, he joined the Doctor in preventing the Daleks from invading Equestria, which resulted in even more chaos as the Cybermen and Sontarans were also involved. During this adventure, he met Saki Mizukoshi and her friends, who had ended up in Equestria through the use of an enchanted rock in Shimoda, Shizuoka. Following the adventure, Terry decided to stay with Saki, having found his one true love. He also decided to change his last name to Mizukoshi for “naturalisation purposes” (as if that isn’t creepy at all).

When Saki and her family moved to Hachijō-jima, Terry stayed in Tokyo to complete his schooling while occasionally visiting his girlfriend on the island. He also began working at a ramen restaurant in an effort to support both Saki and himself in the years to come. By 2019, Terry and Saki got married while the latter was studying for her doctor’s degree. In fact, at the time of writing this instalment, Saki would still be studying right now. I can’t imagine it would be easy given the coronavirus pandemic (not that medical school would be easy for anyone in the first place).

Marco Wong: The Dual-Wielding Prince

When I was writing Block 6 of the 50th Anniversary Series in 2013, I had to find a way to use up all of Hiroki’s regenerations so that I could get that out of the way (in preparation for the Next Gen Series). Marco is one of the prototypes that was created as a result. I’ll explain the circumstances behind his regeneration later.

The Doctor had visited the Magical Kingdom of Parris Island (named after the military base of the same name in South Carolina) and somehow ended up in an arranged marriage to the queen’s daughter, Pixel Maritan. After discovering the existence of Marco’s prototype, he was whisked off to Parris Island in order to take the Doctor’s place, leading him to become the prince of Parris Island. Soon after, Marco and Maritan joined the Doctor as they took part in the Battle of Koshi Castle and teamed up with the Fourth Doctor to investigate Momoka Mizutani and find Hiroki.

In the four years after that, Marco trained himself to be an elite swordsman, specialising in a dual-wielding technique that could equal the likes of the legendary Musashi Miyamoto. At the same time, he also became the commander of Parris Island’s military before stepping down and joining the Gokaigers when he was selected to become GokaiBlue. Although he spends a lot of time with the Gokaigers, I like to think he maintains contact with Maritan now and again even though I haven’t emphasised their relationship.

Yamato/Daichi/Nagi Kurosawa: The Spun-off Prototypes

I was going to put images of them in but I won’t bother because they’re so insignificant. In Block 6, I introduced Yamato, Daichi and Nagi Kurosawa with the intent of spinning them off into the anime Say I Love You, but like I said, I forgot about them because they were insignificant. I kind of regret this decision now, but that was because at the time, I had intended on ending my personal project after the 50th Anniversary Series. Some time after, I decided to commission the Next Gen Series and it all just went from there.

In Block 6 of the 50th Anniversary Series, all the Doctors, their companions and some others (including Hiroki and Parker) were gathered at Roald Dahl Plass in Cardiff to help UNIT and Torchwood investigate numerous anomalies, but they were suddenly scattered to different places. Hiroki and Akari confronted the ghosts of Hiroki’s past, future and present (in that order) before suddenly ending up at the former’s house, where his parents forcibly separate the couple, throwing Akari out the back door and locking Hiroki in a secret room that they found in his bedroom.

Hiroki regenerates into Yamato Kurosawa before he blows up the kitchen and takes his archetype self outside to be reunited with Akari. Yamato heads to Yokohama and manages to teleport himself away somewhere (probably interfering in other peoples’ stories) before ending up in Cardiff again.

Parker decides to head to the Voidstation, a building that links every universe in the Void to each other. Hiroki and Akari decide to head there as well and with the power of their Guardian Characters, they rescue Parker and bring him back to Earth. Because of the power overdrive, Hiroki regenerated three times and spawned three prototypes, namely Daichi, Nagi and Marco Wong (see above). After returning to Earth, Yamato was sent away to live with Daichi and Nagi and they were never seen again.

Well, not quite. Yamato did return in Soulbound Series 3 for a tribute to Say I Love You. Becoming the temporary host of Astra, Yamato helped Hikaru Tomokaze fight Doragory, one of Yapool’s Terrible-Monsters, while also training him on Ultraman Leo’s Space Martial Arts in an effort to help Hikaru rely less on his weapons and beams (because Ultramen didn’t have flashy, collectible-centric items and weapons back in the day). At the end of the episode, Yamato gives Astra’s Spark Doll to Hikaru before leaving (for his own universe) with his wife, Mei and son, Ken.

With this, all of Hiroki’s prototypes have been covered. While Hiroki’s prototypes act as the representatives of the different series incorporated in my personal project (before being homogenised as Power Rangers or Kamen Riders), they also have distinct characteristics of their own even though they’re essentially self-inserts and extensions to other self-inserts.

[erhiem]

One of the most talked about award shows of the year is back – and we’ve got you covered!

The 2021 MTV Video Music Awards has officially begun in NYC — and it sure has everyone talking on social media.

Following last year’s socially distanced ceremony, which featured entirely Lady Gaga, Sunday night’s awards show – hosted by Doja Cat – is being held in person and broadcast live from Barclays Center Is.

Entering the show, Justin Bieber led the pack with a total of seven nominations, including Artist of the Year. Behind her is Megan Thi Stallion, who is up for six awards, four of which are for her “WAP” collaboration with Cardi B. Meanwhile, BTS, Billie Eilish, Doja Cat, Drake, Givon, Lil Nas X and Olivia Rodrigo are all there. Nominated for five awards.

Like previous years, this cast list is nothing less than a legend. Hitters on stage include Doja Cat, Camila Cabello, Shawn Mendes, Chloe, Lil Nas X, Alicia Keys, Casey Musgraves, Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber, who will be performing at the awards show for the first time in six years. years. Meanwhile, Machine Gun Kelly and Olivia Rodrigo will be working on the VMAs stage for a while. In addition, the Foo Fighters are also set to perform and will be honored with the first Global Icon Award.

In the days before the show, Lorde canceled her performance while Normani was announced as a last-minute extra after a viral fan petition. Nicki Minaj too tweeted on Thursday that he “pulled out” from the planned performance. But let’s be real, it wouldn’t be the VMAs without a little drama!

TooFab will be updating this post throughout the night — see the most viral performances and moments below!

Madonna opens the show

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Who better to start things off for MTV’s 40th birthday, but Madonna, who’s been there since the beginning?

In a premade video showing her driving in a taxi around New York City, the Queen of Pop talks about her four-decade-long journey in the industry and how her rise with the network happened. “We found each other and formed a bond that changed my life, changed music and created a whole new art form,” she declared, “so there’s only one place to be tonight.”

The camera then cut inside Barclays, where the 63-year-old pop star took to the stage in a black leather Dominatrix getup and proudly declared: “They said we won’t last, but we’re still here mom—rs.” Happy 40th MTV!”

She then just turned and left, showing her notoriety behind. With this, Justin Bieber and The Kid Laroi began the first performance of the night.

Wonder! NS #vma Begin with an introduction to the one and only @ Madonna pic.twitter.com/YmWtjabVJ7

— MTV News (@MTVNEWS) September 13, 2021 @mtvnews

.@ Madonna I was the first artist #vma History to win 20 awards.

— chart data (@chartdata) September 13, 2021 @ chartdata

who is the fucking damn queen?? she is madonna pic.twitter.com/E3ZR23oCEr

— Gnome (@Gnomodesaturno) September 13, 2021 @Gnomodesaturno

Madonna.

— glad (@glaad) September 13, 2021 @ glade

was doing the thang of madonna #vma pic.twitter.com/mGm3HZooGd

— TheShadeRoom (@TheShadeRoom) September 13, 2021 @TheShadeRoom

Olivia Rodrigo Makes Her VMA Debut

2021 was a huge year for “High School Musical: The Musical: The Series” star Olivia Rodrigo, who hit three big singles — “Drivers License,” “Deja Vu” and “Good 4 U” — before dropping her album. left. “Tart.”

She walked into the night with five nominations and received her first television award of the night for Song of the Year for “Driver’s License” following her first performance at the VMAs. She has already won Push Artist during the pre-show.

.@Olivia_Rodrigo just took her to another home #vma for the night for song of the year #Driver’s license: “It’s so crazy” pic.twitter.com/ShYO6ZJBUU

— MTV News (@MTVNEWS) September 13, 2021 @mtvnews

Olivia. mad. Rodrigo. #vma

– Video Music Awards (@vmas) September 13, 2021 @vmas

Get emotional seeing Olivia get a VMAs she’s watched since she played Grace in American Girl pic.twitter.com/swvPJFK3Da

— Dark (@aerifuI) September 13, 2021 @aerifuI

Olivia Rodrigo breaks the screen like how she breaks the charts @LivesHQ #vma very proud of that pic.twitter.com/RN6oueHM4X

— jen ★彡 proud of liv (@400liv) September 13, 2021 @400live

can’t wait for the picture @Olivia_Rodrigo with all her VMA awards

— Kimberly McCullough (@whitewatercrew) September 12, 2021 @whitewatercrew

J.Lo Stuns…But Billie Eilish Seems Unaffected

*JLO entered the room*

Billie Eilish: I#vma pic.twitter.com/KAEq6Fl0Lq

— siobhan (@summer0001) September 13, 2021 @summer0001

Jennifer Lopez was ready to announce the first awards of the night — receiving a standing ovation from most of the audience when she took the stage.

The camera cut for Billie Eilish in the audience, however, and there was no reaction when his brother Phineas was clapping for him.

Did you all see Billie Eilish’s face when JLo walked out? #vma pic.twitter.com/MTXdaBoMtq

— Cloud9ineDreams🌻 (@Cloud9ineDreams) September 13, 2021 @Cloud9ineDreams

Why is Billy looking disappointed when JLo comes out?

— why ride is better than (@AlecJulian_) September 13, 2021 @alecjulian_

Why was Billie Eilish making this face when JLo walked out? #vma pic.twitter.com/Ptfb6r83On

— Cloud9ineDreams🌻 (@Cloud9ineDreams) September 13, 2021 @Cloud9ineDreams

There’s a mood, Billy staring blankly ahead as JLo leaves. Next presenter pls.

– TDA. (@T Types) September 13, 2021 @T Types

billy when he saw jlo enter the stage #vma pic.twitter.com/7lqGp26JxF

— Omar #STREAMLALISA (@omarIoya) September 13, 2021 @marIoya

baby on Board!

During Twenty One Pilots’ performance of “Saturday,” singer Tyler Joseph announced some big news mid-song — he and his wife, Jenna, are expecting their second child together!

“My wife is pregnant with our second child,” he said during a musical pause in the track. “I didn’t want to message everyone, so I thought I’d let you know now.”

“Now you know. Now you can go to bed!” He said while ending the song. Fans were thrilled!

Why text the family about the fact that you’re expecting a second child with your wife when you can just leave it in the middle #vma Display? Congratulations @ twenty one pilots Lead singer Tyler Joseph and his wife Jenna!

— The Honey Pop⁷ (@thehoneypop) September 13, 2021 @thehoneypop

Tyler just announced at his VMAs performance that Jenna is pregnant!!!!

— Discord Click (@DiscordClick) September 13, 2021 @DiscordClique

Tyler gives a beautiful performance of a reimagined Saturday, using the VMAs performance as the moment to say “my wife is pregnant with our second child” and capping it with “you can go to bed now”. Huh.

adrenaline happening right now

holy crap

— Lua James (@poptivist) September 13, 2021 @poptivist

Why text the family about the fact that you’re expecting a second child with your wife when you can just leave it in the middle #vma Display? Congratulations @ twenty one pilots Lead singer Tyler Joseph and his wife Jenna!

— The Honey Pop⁷ (@thehoneypop) September 13, 2021 @thehoneypop

Lil Nas X brings Montero State Prison to the stage

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After a proud introduction to Billy Porter, Lil Nas X hit the VMAs in his pink prison uniform from his infamous “Industry Baby” music video. Surrounded by male makeup dancers, she performed the entire song with Jack Harlow, who joined her on stage in a very form-fitting black pleather dress.

The rapper then recreated the shower scene from the video – but changed the censored blur for bright pink boxer briefs – surrounded by more half-naked men. It was a pleasure.

I think we can all agree that Lil Nas X. #vma pic.twitter.com/8fytfk0xQk

– logo ️🌈 (@LogoTV) September 13, 2021 @logo tv

It fits chorio Display@LilNasX And @jackharlow Feather #vma

— mtv (@mtv) September 13, 2021 @ mtv

actual footage of @lilnasx And @jackharlow rn performance on “industry baby” #vma: https://t.co/BUSWxM7e2Q

– Video Music Awards (@vmas) September 13, 2021 @vmas

OK, But Billy Porter Announcing Lil N’S X Is A Sweet Moment #vamas

— Raquel Willis (@RaquelWillis_) September 13, 2021 @RaquelWillis_

dont know how many times i see lil nas x perform… idk i’m always proud of him… plus he just gets it #vma pic.twitter.com/usWQcRHGOx

— Ahme (@7ArcsAndSins) September 13, 2021 @7ArcsAndSins

Ben Shapiro is busy writing his eerie, high-pitched response to that delightfully queer @LilNasX #vma Display pic.twitter.com/dITm01awm9

— Brandon Wolf (@bjoewolf) September 13, 2021 @bjoewolf

lil nas x all up in the vma camera like pic.twitter.com/i63TOZ3tOO

— Zero (@posapologist) September 13, 2021 @posapologist

Check out more performances below:

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The post The Most Viral Moments of the Night appeared first on Spicy Celebrity News.