#learned a lot and still learning about the asexual spectrum

[mattastr0phic]

Aspec A Major Chord for Ace Week! A bit late in, but I still wanted to get this out. Specifics under the cut!

[leverage-ot3]

okay I absolutely get and adore harry being oblivious about ot3 developments, but consider:

after breanna makes it explicitly clear she’s queer in the card game job, harry starts Researching™

he’s trying to be good, be better. he likes this girl and wants to be there to support her and be her friend, someone she can trust. it doesn’t help that she’s around the same age as his daughter, who barely wants to associate with him anymore

he learns breanna is queer and dives into researching. watching TED talks in his spare time. reading ebooks on his phone in between playing roles in a con (bringing a physical book is less convenient and he doesn’t want to wave around the fact that he’s researching like he’s trying to be performative about it). he reads about legislation and book bans and wonders about how they could work their magic through a con to fix those things. he reads about asexuality and recognizes the flag colors from the sticker on breanna’s laptop, which he files away for later

he learns a lot! he has been peripherally aware of queer stuff- it’s kind of hard not to be in the 2020s, but now he is much more informed on a lot of issues. he has memorized at least 50 different labels and terms and has an index of resources in his head (and on his phone) if anyone might need them. he wants to understand the people he loves and cares about, whether it’s breanna or one of his daughter’s friends, or anyone in his life that is queer and he doesn’t know it yet. he wants to be ready and prepared to support them!

he learns about sapphicness and bisexuality and intersex rights and the gender spectrum. he learns about karyotypes and stonewall and other queer history. he learns about kink (blushing, but still reads because it’s important!) and relationship diversity… which leads him to discover the term polyamory

he tries not to actively apply the terms he has learned on the people in his life because he knows it’s wrong to assume things about other people. BUT. harry spends a few days reflecting on parker, hardison and eliot’s interactions and wonders. he thinks about the long hugs and lack of personal space and near telepathic communication not just between parker and hardison, but parker and eliot AND hardison and eliot. how parker knows how to make eliot take care of himself, how he knows when she forgets to eat because she’s so hyperfixated on planning a con. how parker jumps on his back for fun and no matter what, he always catches her. hardison’s absence is felt when he’s gone, deeply by the both of them.

it could just be a deep friendship, he knows. they have been working and living together for over a decade, of course they would be close!!! maybe they could even be queerplatonic! (another new word he learned!)

but. still. he quietly observes, watches closely, and thinks.

[hazelfoureyes]

why smut with an ace character?

This person was a minor so I won’t reply directly. I would love to discuss sexual orientation and the wibbly wobbly nature of attraction and pleasure to someone who I think needs a space to discuss it but as an adult stranger? That’s not my place and I would be wildly uncomfortable doing so directly. But! For anyone who does see my blog and wonders why, I’ll have this set on my master list to save me time

Heheheheh MY TIME HAS COME

closing in on 5 months of being on tumblr and this is my first “BUT ACE!” Comment/inbox

so, why?

✦Alastor is canonically Ace! The aro aspect was mentioned by an important staffer but has been left off as a descriptor by Viv herself and no accepted as canon. She gave her explicit permission to write them as we are comfortable with.

✦Asexuals can and do fuck! 💦 (my source? My ace spec partner!)

✦Alastor’s ace spectrum is often times an important aspect of my stories!

I always have Alastor motivated into sexual situations for non-sexual reasons.

Closeness, intimacy, fulfilling a partner’s needs, a biological imperative, for power, for control, putting someone into a submissive to embarrassing position. It’s to see someone break and bend to his will (with consent).

But lets shift into asexuality now --- how I write him isn't a representation of all ace people! It’s just how I view his place on the spectrum. Being Ace doesn't mean you can't ever want sexual pleasure in any form, it doesn't mean you never think about sex or enjoy seeing it.

Letting people explore the range of being asexual is as important as with any other sexual orientation. If you feel people being non-sex repulsed and being Ace is making your own identification harder to make clear to strangers —- well then I wonder if the label itself is more important to you than the community we all desperately seek and need when we publicly acknowledge our sexuality. We publicly say we’re LGBTQIA+ because these labels are for self identification and signal to like minded people and allies we're here. This is how I love and how I want to be loved. Maybe one day a different word will exist to separate the spectrum but we’re living and working with what we have today and how we find each other now. “Why not call him grey ace?” It’s each individuals decision how they wanna identify!

Full circle. Why do I write SO much smut about an ace character? Of course I think that animated deer man’s personality is hot lmao but also because I love this character and identify with him a lot! Being ace doesn't mean he doesn't ever have sex or ever enjoy physical pleasures! Writing about someone seeking out pleasure for non-sexual reasons is very fun for me as someone who doesn't identify with the romantic aspect of sex many people put on it. Do ace people fuck for romantic reasons? Yes! Absolutely! Being Asexual doesn’t mean you’re Aromantic!

Why not write fluff or QPR? Because I'm aromantic and it's harder for me but I am trying and am getting better at it because I want to write more things that meet the needs and wants of many kinds of people. As for QPR, I'm still learning what those relationships look like and learning how to idenfity them in my own life!

And finally— it’s valid to write him as any form of Ace or even not Ace at all! I prefer to keep him Ace spec but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong to make him not. He’s not real and the creator has given us permission to do so. 👌🏼

[gabessquishytum]

Hob thinking Dream is asexual because he never dates or shows interest in anyone, meanwhile Dream has been in love with Hob for 20 years. 😭😭

- 🚒

I love this because like. Hob could totally not be wrong! Maybe Dream IS ace. But he's still been in love with Hob for 20 years... and Hob is a himbo who may have completely understood how asexuality works.

Look, when he first learned about ace people, he didn't really get it. Hob is very much allo and finds it a little difficult to understand. But he had a friend in his university's pride group who was ace, and they explained it to him. The thing is, they were very much asexual in a sex repulsed, only interested in platonic relationship kind of way. And Hob never got the memo that not all ace people feel like that.

And Hob really really cares about Dream, who has been his best friend since high school, so he wants to respect and be fully supportive of any way that Dream may feel or identify. Having applied his own form of logic and decided that Dream must be ace, he does everything he can to respect his friend. And that means... not bringing up the fact that Hob loves him and really really wants to have a lot of nasty sex with him. Cause Dream would obviously not want that. Right?

Now. Hob is not entirely wrong. Dream does identify somewhere within the spectrum of asexuality. He thinks he might be demisexual, but he's never actually talked about it. What he does know is that there is only one person in the world that he wants to date and do sex things with, and that's Hob. Unfortunately he assumes that Hob (who screws pretty much anything with a pulse but has never tried to screw Dream) must not be attracted to him.

They're both their own brand of stupid, basically.

How does this ultimately resolve? They end up going to a local Pride event together. Hob sees a tent with the ace flag and heads over - he is a Supportive Friend. He's hoping they might be selling pins or flags or something. Instead, he ends up seeing a poster which briefly highlights a number of identifies which fall under the umbrella of asexuality. By the time Dream finds him, Hob is having a small crisis, being comforted by one of the volunteers, who is also gently explaining to him that yes, some ace people like relationships and sex.

All of this means that after 20 years of knowing each other, Hob and Dream finally have to have a conversation about what they both want. The volunteer hands them some condoms, just in case, but both silly boys are more interested in gazing into each other's eyes adoringly!

And they may be using the condoms later... But Hob doesn't really mind. He'll take Dream any way he can get him, forever. No taking it back <333

[fiendishfables]

Camillo Carmine x Reader

General Headcanons (SFW + NSFW)

warnings: nsfw, mentions of blood, mentions of biting, cursing

words: 1.4k+

a/n: this was a highly requested work, so enjoy and have fun with the little bonus at the end! This is not really an x reader, but it could be read as such, so oh well. Let me know your thoughts on Camillo's character, and/or if you'd like to see more of him in the near future &lt;3

SFW

✧˚ · . Camillo is basically like a big cat

✧˚ · . Tall motherfucker, standing at approximately 8,2

✧˚ · . The guy is very calm, silent, and sneaky all at once. If anything, he would make an excellent spy and has been offered positions before in that line of work

✧˚ · . Very independent; wont work for anybody but himself and is beyond stubborn

✧˚ · . He is a hardass, but underneath his tough, strong front, is an individual who is a giant kid at heart, who is so deeply loyal and giving that it hurts, and who takes all relationships he makes very seriously, as in he would gladly put his life on the line for someone he cares about; questioning his loyalty is the worst you can do

✧˚ · . Favorite colors consist of greys and purples of any shade; it always struck him as having more of an elegant, dancer sort of vibe, and the display of the colors usually help him to relax in times of distress. His whole bedroom is centered around that color palette and it hasn't been changed since he and Camilla have inherited the mansion

✧˚ · . On the subject of Camilla, he likes to annoy her. His real personality can start to be seen the more time he spends around his sister; they behave just like any normal pair of siblings would. The two have had a love hate relationship growing up and it still is that way, even if just a bit more watered down now. The two like to joke and hang around together every now and again when they aren't off busy with their own lives

✧˚ · . What a Carmine lacks in affection, they make up for in loyalty

✧˚ · . If you wanna talk about dancers, he is one. He loves dancing in his spare time and even uses the Carmine manor as a spot to host dancing lessons amongst sinners willing/wanting to learn

✧˚ · . His silvery pointed dancing shoes are like his literal children, and he always goes into a slight panic whenever he can't find them. They provide him with that sense of security, as dancing is a huge part of his life and he could never stand to be without it; they were also a gift from his mother

✧˚ · . Never likes to ask anyone for anything, especially not help. He likes to cover up his needs with smart-ass comments and handsome smirks that most can't stay mad at for too long

✧˚ · . Has been told he has a very punchable face

✧˚ · . His fangs make for a great, sarcastic smile; his face either consists of a frown or that signature smirk. He uses his fangs for a lot of things, including biting people when they get on his nerves

✧˚ · . Can totally play the piano; claims its a very calming and dignified instrument. He doesn't play it often but when he does, its a gift to anyone around to hear

✧˚ · . On the asexuality spectrum, identifying as demisexual and biromantic. It takes him a little longer than the average sinner to develop feelings for someone, let alone sexual feelings

✧˚ · . As stated before, his relationships are one of the most important things in his life and he handles them with great seriousness

✧˚ · . The epitome of that one secretive, mysterious, tall and mysterious stranger everyone wants to be friends with, but are too afraid to approach directly to ask

NSFW

✧˚ · . It's very difficult to get anything verbal out of this man when he's in the process of being intimate with someone, even if they're his s/o

✧˚ · . The most you can expect is some pleasured grunts, maybe some low groans if you're lucky

✧˚ · . It's not that he isn't enjoying whatever is being brought upon him, he is just one to closely guard his feelings and never really express them too vividly; yes that ends up following him into his sex life

✧˚ · . 9 times out of 10 he prefers to give pleasure rather than receive it

✧˚ · . Loves to degrade and use pet names with his partner; sweetheart, doll, slut, and whore tending to be some of his personal favorites to use

✧˚ · . Big on consent. If you are ever not comfortable with anything he proposes or is in the middle of doing to you, then he will stop instantly and get you anything you need. He may seem like an asshat sometimes, but he is a decent person (if that comes as such a shock)

✧˚ · . Into some form of pet play/leashes, no negotiation

✧˚ · . He always likes to be in control and rarely ever is the submissive one during intimacy.

✧˚ · . Will speak Spanish in bed, usually doing so in order to fluster his partner; it often gets him a positive response

✧˚ · . Being blindfolded is a big kink of his. As a dancer, he is used to having to be accustomed to other senses, so when they are heightened after his sight is temporarily taken from him, he will have a ball of a time

✧˚ · . One of his top favorite things is watching his partner ride him. Just the sight of his cock being sheathed inside your body over and over again as he watches you get off on his lap all on your own

✧˚ · . Dirty dancing is something he is much too fond of. The act of getting all worked up from dancing with one another, teasing each other all the while, then getting to fuck his partner into the ground, whispering praises to them about how well they danced with/for him; he is all too eager to teach you more of what he knows about the dancing world

✧˚ · . The little shit is one of the biggest teases you will ever meet. He honestly has a sex drive that's more so on the lower side and does not need sex as often as most sinners seem to

✧˚ · . But, be prepared when he does have the energy to pleasure you, for he is astounding at it.

✧˚ · . Kissing, biting, steamy makeout sessions, eating you out, fucking you raw; he can do it all and excel in the process

✧˚ · . His fangs usually come into play a lot during sex; a huge fan of biting and leaving marks on his partner to let others know that they have already been claimed

✧˚ · . Camillo is one of those demons you'd be lucky to have sex with. It's not even an egotistical thing, he's just not very sex-coded when it comes to relationships or really anything in general. He believes in a true connection with someone first before engaging in any sorts of those activities, hence his sexuality

✧˚ · . Sex with Camillo is always very serious and passionate. He never allows himself to be as vulnerable as he would be right now, so better to cherish it whilst it lasts

✧˚ · . It's almost like he picks one mate for life, then he's done looking, like some species do

✧˚ · . Thinking of it, when he really gets into action and the rare times he wants to have sex, he fucks like a wild animal. He does have his vanilla, gentle side where he will care for you nothing short of a husband, but if he has the chance or some pent up anger to release, you better prepare to go for multiple rounds of very rough sex

✧˚ · . To top things off, he does have a praise kink. It may be hard to pick up on at first, but if you praise him, let him know how good he's making you feel, he's a mess (at least internally). Nothing really gets him going more than knowing he is fulfilling his job as a partner; making you feel good in every aspect that he can. It gives him purpose and that's really all he needs when he's with his s/o

BONUS~

✧˚ · . One of Camillo's wildest fantasies is to have his lover cockwarming him whilst he plays a song for them on his piano. He can imagine struggling to not fumble over the keys, not let his fingers slip, as he feels you clench around him, biting his lip or your shoulder hard enough to draw blood in order to stifle any noises that may find their way past his lips. That vulnerability is something he knowingly holds sacred; you could potentially be the one to coax it out of him.

[gay-dorito-dust]

could you do asexual reader x Jason Todd headcanons?

I know this hdc won’t resonate for most in the ace community, cuz it’s a spectrum, but I hopes it at least resonates with some, even if it’s one person. That’s more enough for me. (Also sorry for the shit writing as usual)

Jason doesn’t mind that you’re asexual. You were still you at the end of the day, so he doesn’t understand why some people tend to make a big deal out of it.

It’s not like you being asexual was hurting anyone but he guessed that some people just harbour vast amounts of hate for things they don’t/refuse to understand bc they’ve been conditioned into thinking that it’s a bad thing.

Others are just cunts that Jason gladly beats the piss out of in your honour. (Acephobes plz die disrespectfully thanks)

He will not tolerate any sort of disrespect towards you and needless to say having a six foot something man who’s built like an absolute tank is enough to silence those types of people rather quickly.

He’s more then willing to do this for anyone that you knew who was ace, aro, or was in the LGBTQIA community in general, that he becomes a someone that a lot of them could come to when in need of help, or was just in need of a safe space.

He’s unbothered by it because as long as he’s helping someone in need, he’s more than willing to offer his shoulder for them to cry on.

(I just like the idea of Jason being a protector of LGBTQIA youths.)

After all he once took joy in beating the absolute piss out of a biphobe for Tim. Sure he may not have a great relationship with his siblings, but he’s not one to ignore when they’re being treated like shit for being who they were.

He respects your boundaries and will always ask whether or not it was okay for him to kiss you, to which you’d always have to tell him that it was more then okay for him to kiss you.

He understands that asexuality was a spectrum and would ask which part of the spectrum you were apart of, and acts in accordance to make sure that you’re more than comfortable in your relationship.

He’s always finding ways to constantly learn about asexuality and more. He’s even got a whole bookshelf dedicated to LGBTQIA history because he wants to better himself and do right by you and other people who look up to him to protect them. He takes that shit seriously.

He just loves you very much and wants you to feel as though you could tell him anything that’s bothering you and he’ll gladly bring you its head if you’d like just to prove it.

If you are okay with kisses and the like, be prepared to be swarmed by it at every possible opportunity with this teddy bear, for he will smother your face in kisses as he holds you against him, smiling upon hearing you laugh and poor attempts in pushing him away. It’s a highlight of his day because when you’re happy, he’s happy.

You don’t like sex? That’s okay! He’ll make you have Junk food dates with him where you stuff your faces either pizza with stuffed crust (you can eat it in reverse) and garlic bread and watch shitty movies as you cuddle on the couch.

You: you don’t think I’m broken?

Jason; no. Why, who’s told you that you were broken because it’s a bunch of bullshit. You’re the most important person in my life and I’d do just about anything for you, no matter how big or small it may seem because at the end of the day I want to see you happy. So listen to me sweetheart and listen good, you are not broken. You are perfection incarnate in my eyes, you are everything I could’ve hoped to have by my side for you’ve never judged me, so I don’t see why I should judge you for being your truest self. Thats a bit hypocritical don’t you think?

Jason: So don’t ever think you’re broken when you’re far from it, you are whole and you are more than enough. I don’t care if we have sex on occasion or not at all, your happiness is all I care about. I want you to be happy for the rest of our lives together because now I’ve got you I’m not letting you go. Ever. I couldn’t care less about anything else but when it concerns you, I’d move mountains to make things better for you. I love you chipmunk, please don’t ever feel like you’re broken when you’re so much more than that, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it.

[scretladyspider]

Let’s talk about what demisexuality is not.

First off: what is demisexuality? We have to establish what it is to talk about what it isn’t.

‘demisexuality’ describes not experiencing sexual attraction until a close bond is formed. This doesn’t mean demis are attracted to everyone we bond with, and we can have differing desires towards sex. Demisexuals may or may not be demiromantic — they’re not one and the same.

While demisexuals can also be demiromantic, this isn’t true as a rule. Just like being asexual doesn’t necessarily mean you’re aromantic. It’s possible to be both, nothing wrong with that — but they’re not inherently synonymous.

*For some people who are aroace, include demi aroaces, their sexual and romantic orientations are deeply intertwined and there isn’t a big difference between the two. Other people use the split attraction model, which recognizes a difference in sexual and romantic orientations.

Many people think that “everyone is demisexual” because they read the definition and say “oh, that’s just being normal”. They’re confusing not experiencing sexual at ALL with waiting until a relationship is serious to have sex.

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation. The thing people confuse it with is a decision regarding sexual behavior that can be made regardless of orientation— the decision to wait to have sex until you’re emotionally close. That decision can be made by anyone, demisexual or not.

Often people read the definition and say “I’m demisexual, I wait to have sex until it’s not just sex. I want emotional fulfillment too.” When it’s explained that demisexuals rarely have sexual attraction and only under certain conditions does it occur, one of two things happens:

they misunderstand and assume that demisexuals are also experiencing sexual attraction without the bond and just not acting on it, or

they begin to understand that there’s a difference between sexual attraction and action.

More often than not it’s the former.

It’s interesting that this misunderstanding happens when demisexuality is described because allosexuals (people who aren’t ace) abstain from sex all the time but still feel sexual attraction. There’s this underlying assumption that everyone experiences sexual attraction.

But… just imagine that feeling of not being attracted and expand it. It’s doubtful that you experience sexual attraction to every person you see is physically attractive. Just expand that and there you go. Or imagine it like not seeing a particular color until you suddenly can.

Demisexuals aren’t all cisgender and heteroromantic. But there’s nothing wrong with demis who are! If ace isn’t enough for you to respect someone is LGBTQIA+, you don’t understand or accept asexuality or the orientations under its spectrum.

Demisexuality is NOT “just being a woman”. Demisexuality also isn’t “the patriarchy convinced young girls not having casual sex was a sexuality”.

There’s so much wrong with both of these, and they tie together, so I put them together here. Not only does this thinking see cis women and feminine people as being inherently “more” asexual, it robs allos and aces alike of bodily autonomy towards sex and sexuality. It bleeds out from conservative Christianity — it’s the same ideas that lead us to abstinence only sex “education” and that women must be sexually available at all times or their husband will cheat to “get his needs met”. Saying that cis women & feminine people are just all demisexual or ace removes the bodily autonomy of those who want sex and those who don’t by assigning a culturally acceptable narrative as more important than lived experience. But sexuality isn’t limited by cisheterosexism.

The truth is there are still a lot of people learning they’re under the asexual umbrella as educators and advocacy groups get education out there, and even in queer spaces asexuality isn’t always accepted, let alone its spectrum. A lot of people don’t even know it’s an option!

In addition, and partially because of, tropes like this, asexuality and everything under it are considered more “feminine”. Sex is seen as a symbol of status and depending on your gender and presentation, that status gets lowered or raised depending on the number of partners had.

Cis men and masculine aces exist, and also have to contend with cultural pressures to “perform” sexually, whether they want to or not. Erasing these experiences doesn’t help further acceptance towards asexuality or just sexuality in general.

And! Cis women and feminine people can have and enjoy casual sex! Others don’t but still experience sexual attraction regularly. Being allosexual isn’t limited to the masculine. Libido can also exist without sexual attraction. Human sexuality is just not as narrow as you think.

That’s where I’ll leave this one. Remember, it’s okay to be demisexual. It’s not okay to dunk on a group of people you didn’t bother to try to understand. Keep an open mind. There’s room at the table for learning, not bigotry.

[aromanticmina]

The 5 common questions people have about aplatonics

so, I've seen so many blogs on the aplatonic tag having to answer the same questions over and over again, so I figured I could make a list so that people can have an easier time getting to the answers they are looking for! (and apl people can just link back to this post if they're asked one of this questions, if they want to)

What does aplatonic mean?

Aplatonic is a term that refers to the lack of (or experiencing little) platonic attraction or platonic love, it can also mean having trouble forming platonic relationships due to trauma or being neurodivergent.

2. Does that mean aplatonic people don't have friends?

Not necessarily, there are aplatonic people who don't (desire to) have friends or wouldn't label any relationship they have as friendship (even though, to an outsider, some would seem as one), for numbers of reasons.

However, there are some aplatonic people who do have friends, but they're not really close to them/don't feel love for them.

love and care are different things, you can care for someone and want the best for them even when you're not close enough to them to love them.

3. But if aplatonic people don't have friends, does that mean they don't socialize with anyone?

Nope! friendships aren't the only way you can socialize with people. Family, classmates, coworkers, lovers, neighbors, those are all people you have have nice conversations with!

4. Are all aplatonics also aromantic?

Not all of them, while it's true that there are a lot of people who are both aro and apl (see: me), there are aplatonics who are alloromantic (feel romantic attraction) or just don't label their romantic orientation.

(fun fact, the original coiner of the aplatonic label is an alloromantic asexual!)

5. Are all aplatonics also loveless?

Again, not all of them, there is a great overlap between the aplatonic and loveless community (shout out to my loveless apls!), but not all aplatonics identify as loveless.

Some love in a romantic way, familiar way, alterous way (if you don't know what alterous attraction is, I recommend looking it up!) or just in a completely unique but ultimately queer way (hi, it's me, I'm lovequeer).

I still don't really get it...

That's okay, you don't have to understand something to respect it, if you're still curious and want to learn more about us, there are multiple blogs on the #aplatonic tag sharing their different experiences with aplatonicism, you just have to know where to look!

And remember! the Aspec includes the aplatonic spectrum, you can't say you support aspecs if you don't support aplatonic people as well!

[buddierecs]

sexuality realisation buddie fics

aka sexuality crisis fics. this list has different rated fics, so please look at the rating make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

the definition of love and all things ineffable by: elvensorceress "In which buck processes his breakup, learns his place in his family, has a huge crisis of sexuality, and finds the truth about love beating in his own heart." word count: 29k rating: teen and up important tags: friends to lovers, mutual pining, getting together, idiots in love, buckley-diaz family, mild sexual content eddie diaz vs the feelings by: elvensorceress "eddie dives into the mysteries of attraction, romantic love, and asexuality because there's a good chance he's fallen in love with his best friend." word count: 63k rating: explicit important tags: friends to lovers, demisexuality, asexuality, angst, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, slow burn, mutual pining, anal sex, hand jobs courtship behaviours of southern coastal husbros by: mad_lori "buck and eddie decide to become platonic domestic partners and co-parents. they are 100% super normal about it and absolutely nothing is awakened in them, except a mutual annoyance at being referred to as "husbros." word count: 49k rating: explicit important tags: domestic partners, friends to lovers, slow burn, friends with benefits, demisexuality, fluid sexuality, fluff, eventual smut, oral sex help me to help myself by: woodchoc_magnum "in which eddie slowly figures out who he really is in the aftermath of his breakdown." word count: 26k rating: mature important tags: angst, depression, mental breakdown, pining, getting together, team as family, soft!buddie darker days, brighter endings by: farfromstars "a fic on eddie’s recovery after 4x14." word count: 44k rating: teen and up important tags: injury recovery, ptsd, panic attacks, therapy, minor eddie/ana, minor buck/taylor, pining, friends to lovers, getting together let's hear it for the boy by: hattalove "in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order." word count: 56k rating: teen and up important tags: queer themes, self-discovery, friends to lovers, coming out, getting together, queer awakening, pining, gay disaster!eddie diaz tell me about despair by: hattalove "the entity often affectionately referred to as the unrepression fic" word count: 148k rating: mature important tags: character study, angst, ptsd, therapy, communication, queer awakening, friends to lovers remember me, love (when i'm reborn) by: kwills "eddie has a sexuality crisis, and it's nothing like buck described it. it's not freedom. it's hell. but maybe not forever" word count: 12k rating: teen and up important tags: internalised homophobia, catholic guilt, angst, coming out, minor buck/tommy, getting together, feelings realization you still make sense to me by: farfromthstars "eddie is ready for a new relationship – but why does it never feel right? buck has a lot to work through, and doing that comes with a few realizations." word count: 31k rating: mature important tags: asexuality spectrum, therapy, coming out, mutual pining, idiots in love, mild sexual content i bet my hand fits right in your hands by: blob_blob "after they leave texas, buck has a sexuality crisis in TKs dms, and also when eddie asks who he's texting he panics and makes up an entire girlfriend to avoid admitting to eddie that he's having a sexuality crisis" word count: 7.5k rating: teen and up important tags: fluff, light angst, coming out, texting oh, how could i have been so wrong by: prettyboybuckley "buck figures out his sexuality at the age of 30" word count: 7k rating: mature important tags: self-discovery, love confessions, jealous!eddie diaz, first kiss, hand jobs

[the-delta-quadrant]

6 things i learned in 6 years of being out as nonbinary

1. not all nonbinary gender is derived from male or female.

i used to have a very simplified understanding of the gender spectrum as a triangle with the corners being male, female and agender and you could slide around on the sides or in the middle. gender is much, much bigger than that and learning that was an important lesson for both my own self-discovery as a maverique and my understanding of other people's experiences.

2. a lot of trans & nonbinary people still hold on to gender-related binaries.

somehow i wasn't aware of this until 3-4 years ago (ignorance was bliss!), but gender-related binaries are really common even in spaces that pride themselves in breaking them. male- and female-aligned used to be very common, classifying especially nonbinary people by AGAB still happens constantly, transmasc and transfem are being treated like a binary and people created a men vs non-men binary 2 years ago. we can't escape binaries even in our own communities.

3. there are a lot of people who treat nonbinary as a blank slate to project whatever is convenient to their argument on.

i'm nonbinary until i disagree, suddenly i'm a man. i'm nonbinary until i'm openly asexual, suddenly i'm a cishet female invader. nonbinary is not a single third gender, it's man-life or woman-lite. but actually nonbinary men and women don't exist, because the only way to be nonbinary is to be neither.

4. nearly every single nonbinary term either gets rebinarised or a lot of hate.

transgender used to be a term that mainly described people who we'd now call nonbinary, yet it now has a pretty binary connotation with nonbinary people still being pushed out on a regular basis. genderqueer was an earlier term for nonbinary, but binary people decided it wasn't inclusive enough if it didn't include them. people are trying to turn nonbinary into an ideology that binary people can follow rather than an identity. people hate the word enby because it gives us even the tiniest bit of legitimacy that is given to men and women by default. people lose their shit about labels that describe attraction to nonbinary people because apparently we're not a valid group of people to feel attraction towards.

5. binarism doesn't describe a general antinonbinary sentiment, but specifically bigotry against cultural genders.

we have the terms sexism, ableism, racism, classism, so it would only make sense that bigotry against nonbinary people would be called binarism, right? wrong. binarism is a form of colonial violence that frames the western gender binary as the only real gender system, and punishes cultures that recognise more than two genders. the -ism term for nonbinaryantagonism would be exorsexism.

6. binary people are gonna think you're a cringey weirdo no matter what you do, so you might as well prove them right.

no matter how palatable we try to be, at the end of the day they hate us all.

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! First off I'd like to say I've learned a lot from this blog and I appreciate what you all do.

I was wondering what your opinion/opinions are on non-human characters who are intellectual disabled. I've been reading through your intellectual disability posts that you already have as well as doing research on some specific causes. Since they often seem to have a genetic component I imagine it would work differently for a species that doesn't reproduce in the same way humans do? What I'm specifically wondering about is if you would prefer a parallel to actual real life causes of intellectual disability or name a condition that already exists? Or something else?

Hi, I'm glad you enjoy the blog !

In my opinion, both would be fine. If you have (example) an anthro cat who's intellectually disabled, I don't think it there would be much difference between “strongly implying that they have feline Down syndrome via them being ID and having some DS-coded facial features” and “openly stating they have Down syndrome”, even though cats can't have it by definition.

You can also make the cause up if you're talking about fantasy/alien/non-existent species - maybe your character's disability could be caused by partial monosomy 98 because they happen to have way more chromosomes than humans do. In this case, you could pull some inspiration from the human counterparts - Angelman syndrome, Distal 18q-, etc.

Other genetic conditions like Rett syndrome, or Tuberous sclerosis, or all the X-linked causes could also probably be either named or just strongly alluded to. Unless the species has some very different anatomy, they would probably present the same/very similarly to how they do in humans. But if they reproduce in vaguely the same way as humans (not asexually, and involving genes and chromosomes and all that) then I don't think they would be “impossible” to exist. If they do reproduce that differently, then;

There's of course a lot of non-genetic causes as well - brain damage, being born premature, micro- and macrocephaly (unusually small and big head respectively), holoprosencephaly, fetal alcohol spectrum disorders, TORCH infections, and a lot more that you could make them have if you want to be more scientifically accurate.

It's also important to remember that a lot of cases of ID don't have an explanation behind them, i.e., no one knows why the person has it. Genetic causes are actually a large minority (like 25%, with majority of that being Down syndrome). Most people who's ID cause is unknown will be on the milder end (kinda by default because most ID people have it mild but still) and usually not have other disabilities, but there's no hard rules. So if you want to not worry about researching causes that would make sense for a bug or a fish, you can say that they were just born like that with no deeper explanation and it would make sense.

What I'd worry about more is to not have the only intellectually disabled character be of an animal/fantasy race that's associated with being mindless and/or child-like. But if all the characters are the same species anyway then it doesn't really apply.

Regardless of what cause (or lack of it) you choose, try to make sure you know what severity their ID is, what symptoms specifically they experience, what can or can't they do, even if the specific diagnosis doesn't ever name-drop in the story. Just be aware that a lot of these conditions have very significant overlap and readers will come up with different conclusions based on their knowledge - someone will assume the character has Down syndrome or autism because these are the only conditions comorbid with ID that they know, someone else will presume 1p36 Deletion syndrome because they have a family member with it - even if you're quite specific about the symptoms. So if you want to represent a specific condition it would be good to drop the actual name, but it's up to you.

I hope I understood the question properly, feel free to send any additional asks/clarifications if I missed the point

mod Sasza

[ahungeringknife]

Let's talk about Aspec characters and relationships!

I'm aroace. I write a lot of characters who are aspec in some way. I have a lot of aspec friends. And this is why your aspec character is driving me crazy. There's also sex talk in here so if you're not mature enough to handle it please scroll past.

Edit: Allos also should reblog this if you found it helpful.

First lets get some terms right:

Aromantic (aro) and Asexual (ace) are two distinct things. Aroace means you're both aromantic and asexual at the same time. It is generally referred to as 'aspec' (aro/ace spectrum) when you fall on one or both spectrums. If you are not aspec you are allosexual/alloromantic (allo). It just means someone who isn't ace or aro. You can also be aroallo or aceallo (aromantic allosexual, asexual alloromantic). All these terms are neutral and not used in derogatory ways similar to trans/cis. It's a descriptive word not a put down.

Now about those characters and their relationships. Because that is the most :))))) to me as an aroace is when people just don't know how to handle an aspec character. Usually because they're allo. But that's okay you probably don't know and we're all here to learn from each other. Here's some things to consider when you want to make or write an aspec person.

Ace's do sometimes have sex. They just aren't motivated by sex. That's it.

Along with sex your ace character may also masturbate and feel good being touched. They also might only like touching themselves and hate when other people do it. They usually also know when someone is hot/sexy and will comment on it. Finding someone sexy =/= we want to fuck them. Thinking someone is hot =/= we want to fuck them. We're still human. We know what a hot human looks like. Your ace character might be attracted to someone's appearance aesthetically but have no interest in their bits. Your ace character might fall in love with the most beautiful person in your story and never show any interest of wanting to bed them.

They can have boyfriends/girlfriends/romantic partners they do or don't have sex with. But they can be anywhere on the spectrum of sex repulsive, to sex positive, to absolute sex hound. Some of the horniest people you know are probably ace. Some of the horniest people I know are ace, and I have a lot of ace friends.

And we're not all virgins. Some ace's had sex and realized 'nah fam. Didn't do it for me' and never did it again. Others are virgins and have no intention ever of having sex. Others are virgins but don't care either way? It just hasn't happened. Others enjoy sex with their partners. Some are parents! You can be ace and had enough sex to procreate. Some also think sex is icky or it squicks them out. Some might be squicked out at the thought of sex with another person but they're fine looking at porn or doing it themselves. There is a wide range of what asexuals are into just like allos.

Aros also sometimes do the sex. They are not motivated by romance. That's it.

That being said your aro character can have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and it can be 'romantic'. It doesn't have to be a queer platonic relationship. Your aro character also might not want to be in a relationship at all. It is not weird for your aro character to call their partner their partner or bf/gf or if they're married their husband/wife.

Aro people do not get butterflies. They don't really get flustered around people they like. There's no spark. And they don't feel that romantic attraction allos do when they meet someone and fall in love with them. I've found that aro people are also terrible at flirting or picking up flirting cues. At least in my own personal experience when it took my aro ass 3 years to realize some girl was flirting with me and I just thought she was being nice to me. Take the 'useless lesbian' trope and take it to 11. We just don't know. Aro people also know when other people are hot. Just like aces just because we're aro doesn't mean we don't know a baddy when we see one. We just probably won't realize said baddy is flirting with us...

Aro character still love. They love their family, they love their friends, they love their partners. And it's all real love. The love is still there. Aro characters also probably know what they should do to mimic being in love. Even if we don't love someone more than platonically they may still do the things romantic partners do with their partner. Some don't! And that's fine too. Sometimes you're boyfriends and you share the same bed with him, and sometimes your girlfriend is just your roommate. Both are totally valid aro relationships. Maybe your character kisses their partner passionately and they like it, or they might only kiss during sex, or they might not kiss on the mouth. All valid and correct, still no romo. Kissing =/= romance for aros. Sex =/=romance for aros.

Aroace characters do all those things! At once! They can do the sex, and the boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and loving their friends. They just are not motivated by sex or romance. Kissing =/= sexual attraction. Sex =/= romantic love.

Being aspec is looking at the most beautiful and delicious cake in the world and going 'neat, cake' and walking away not even wondering what it tastes like, not even for a second considering having a bite. It's a cake. Neat. You are not motivated by cake. You don't even really care about cake. It's nice that other people fucking loooooooove cake but it's just not for you.

We also know what love is supposed to be like, what a 'healthy sexual' relationship should feel like. It's everywhere. All around us. Constantly. It's also sometimes fucking exhausting! It's why some aspec people can be a bit agro. We get it you're in love/got a new partner/are sleeping with someone/really sexually attracted to this person/keep spamming us with your celeb thirst pics/etc. It does get tiring sometimes. We don't care about the cake and sometimes listening to you talk about the cake drives us crazy. Consider that too when writing aspec characters. Sometimes their friends and their cakes are annoying no matter how much they love them platonically or romantically.

Anyway just some things to consider for your aspec OCs from an older aroace. Should be said aspec is a wide spectrum and I'm drawing on my own experience as an aroace with aspec friends, and my writing of those characters. If you have more questions about writing characters on this spectrum feel free to ask!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I’m so sorry if this question is ignorant or stupid I really just want to understand so I can become educated. When someone is asexual would they still gain something from reading explicit fic scenes? Again sorry if I’m ignorant

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

SO SORRY it took so long to reply to this one... Kind of started and then it got forgotten, and I am sorry for that. No better time than Ace Awareness Week to help you understand!!

So, short answer to your question, is YES, SOME aces do, whether to facilitate in self-pleasure, or because seeing their faves happy, or as placeholders because some aces take pleasure-by-proxy, or a variety of other reasons, it just simply makes some of us happy. You'd be surprised how many of those smutty authors are actually ace themselves. It's one of those funny misconceptions that aces are all woobie-uwu-innocent-pure-thoughts-only magical creatures, and I'm here to shatter that illusion... Aces are some of the smuttiest-minded people you will ever meet. Why, I have no idea, maybe it's because we don't fantasize about sex the same way allos do that we can come up with increasingly hornier ideas? LOL No idea.

The thing about asexuality is that it's a HUGE spectrum, and no one ace is exactly the same. A sex-negative ace might get something out of reading smut because it's not involving them. Or they might not at all. Same with sex-positive/neutral aces. It's ALL a matter of what makes us tick.

BUT here's where I go into my LONG answer, and get you REALLY into the Ace Lore™.

I want to introduce you to the microlabel of Aegosexuality (formerly autochorisexuality), which is a term that loosely translates to "sexuality with oneself". The expanded definition, from the Sexuality Wiki, bolding is mine:

It is [...] a disconnect between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacks desire to be an actual participant in the sexual activities therein.

Aegosexuals are known to:

Become aroused by sexual content (at times) without wanting to personally engage in sexual activities.

Masturbate, but feel neutral or repulsed by the idea of having sex with another person.

Fantasize about sex (with varying frequency), but envision people other than themselves, and/or view it in third person, as if watching it on TV, instead of imagining it in the first person, through their own eyes.

Predominantly—or exclusively—fantasize about fictional characters or celebrities in place of people they know personally.

Identify as asexual, feeling little-to-no sexual attraction to people though enjoy masturbating (with varying frequency), are aroused by sexually explicit content, and/or fantasizing of such.

[/end quote]

====

Basically, smut turns them on, but some aces don't want to engage in the smut for-reals. This microlabel makes it ESPECIALLY confusing for newly-figured-out-aces because there hasn't been a lot of information about asexuality's huge spectrum until recently. Aegosexuals can initially believe that they AREN'T ace, BECAUSE they get turned on by porn or smutty stories, but then they're SUPER confused because the idea of having sex themselves is appalling or undesirable. It's a bizarre contradiction, understandably, to outsiders, but it makes COMPLETE sense once an ace figures this out, I promise you.

This is the microlabel I myself fall under. It's not from any trauma or past problems or medical issues. It's just me. That's it. And because of the confusion that this sexuality can bring, it often takes us a LOT longer to have ourselves figured out. For me, it was an accidental stumbling upon the "autochorisexual" label (before it became Aegosexual) and reading up on it that EVERYTHING fell into place. Before that, I thought I was maybe demisexual. After learning about it, I felt okay FINALLY calling myself ace, that I finally found the "right fit" for me. It was the piece of the puzzle that I was missing. I felt really liberated of my self-doubt after that.

And, of course, aros have their version as well called Aegoromantic, which is exactly the same but in a romantic sense.

Here are some more resources for Aegosexuality, if you'd like to learn more about this lesser-known branch on the spectrum:

What Does It Mean to Be Aegosexual? (Cosmopolitan US || November 24, 2022)

WHAT IS AEGOSEXUAL? MEANING, HISTORY, AND USAGE. (Gayety.co ||July 11, 2022)

History of Aegosexuality (The Michigan Gayly || February 1, 2021)

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TOO KNOW ABOUT AEGOSEXUALITY (Live Love LGBTQ+ Blog || October 27, 2017)

VIDEO: 5 Signs You Might Be Aegosexual (Lynn Saga, YouTube || August 6, 2022 || 6m20s)

VIDEO: What is Aegosexuality? | Aspec 101 (Slice Of Ace, YouTube || July 15, 2022 || 3m54s)

VIDEO: Asexual Identities: Aegosexuality (Ace Dad Advice, YouTube || May 22, 2022 || 12m27s)

====

AGAIN, I'm SO sorry I put this ask off for SO long, but I'm glad that I did, so that I could educate you guys on my brand of Asexuality during Ace Awareness Week!

And, finally, no offence taken at ALL! I LOVE educating y'all about stuff I learned through my journey, and you were very respectful in your ask :)

Hope you are well, Nonny, and hope you're still here to see this 🖤💜

[auteurdefeu]

So I feel like it’s almost collectively agreed upon that Fabian is not straight. I’ve seen a lot of people talk about him probably not being cis either, I’m personally on board with he/they Fabian.

Now allow me to present my headcanon:

Fabian being on the asexual spectrum. Not as sex-repulsed as Riz, probably more neutral to it, but still. I’ve brought this up before but this time I’m doing it outside of the context of specific ships.

I can’t find the specific instance so someone please tell me if this didn’t actually happen, but. I could’ve sworn there was a time someone (probably Kristen) was talking about having sex, a comment was made about how Fabian could learn from that, and he insisted that he already knew how to kiss. Which, buddy… completely different thing. But it is always “getting his kisses in”, when it’s shown that the Bad Kids/Intrepid Heroes don’t usually censor themselves when it comes to that.

He’s been very awkward when it comes to any actual advances, as seen especially with Mazey this year. To be fair, that is a pretty normal thing for teenagers but for someone with his confidence, he seems skittish when it comes to proper relationships. In my experience as someone aroace-spec, I love romance and take no problem with the idea of sex in the abstract, but as soon as any of it feels personal or directed toward me, it leads to a similar kind of panic/discomfort, unsure how to engage.

My personal take on it, overall, was Fabian trying to live up to his father’s legacy. Bill got around, and Fabian spoke proudly of it in Freshman Year (only to later have to deal with the fact he apparently had a lot of half siblings that have since been eaten by Captain James… oops). Given everything else in his arc, it would make sense that he sees it as an expectation to follow in Bill’s footsteps, because that’s how to seem ‘cool’ and ‘fit in’. It seems more like something he has to do than something he actively wants.

I know he and Aelwyn apparently canonically had sex. if Siobhan hadn’t leaned into it and acted like Adaine was an unfortunate witness, I’d say it wasn’t above Fabian to beg Aelwyn to lie for him to make him seem cooler. But I digress. It’s all headcanons anyway, and asexual people can still have and enjoy sex. Just senseless rambling over here 🫡

[cicerfics]

3, 24, 50 for bond & q :)

3. Obscure headcanon

Oh, it's so hard to determine what's 'obscure' in fandom! I am never sure which headcanons have been shared before, or how other people perceive this stuff.

But I guess my top 'uncommon' headcanon for Q is that he's on the asexuality/aromantic spectrum. I am totally capable of reading about (or even writing) allosexual Q, but in my heart, he will always be aro-ace to me! He makes an exception for Bond, because that's how it goes sometimes. But even with Bond, Q doesn't quite experience attraction in the 'usual' way. He's very intensely attracted to Bond in numerous ways, but not necessarily super 'horny' for Bond in the typical sense.

Obscure headcanon for Bond...honestly? I think Bond is a bit of a nerd! I think he's a jock and a nerd at the same time! I think he really likes learning obscure trivia, crossword puzzles, and books.

I think he's incredibly intelligent about a lot of things...a real polymath, in spite of the fact that he's also a 'blunt instrument'. I think he plays down his intelligence (though we definitely see glimpses of it in the films) because he likes to surprise people and he knows it's easier to do his job when people underestimate him.

But beyond his actual intelligence, I think he's downright nerdy in some of his interests and the sheer enjoyment he takes in learning new stuff. So that's my 'obscure' hreadcanon for him...'obscure' in the sane that it is not necessarily strongly supported by any part of canon!

24. Most annoying habit

Q is incredibly pedantic and bossy and stubborn. He will dig his teeth into a petty argument, and hold on for dear life. Honestly, I feel like he's actually better at letting important stuff go, because he tends to rationalize away his emotions (also a bad habit!) and bury any hurt feelings.

But if he's having an argument with someone about something that's honestly pretty meaningless? Q will go to the mat to defend his point. He will not let it go! Many people find this understandably irritating. (Bond delights in it, though, and he winds Q up just for fun.)

Bond, meanwhile, is an irrepressible contrarian and a complete brat. You say up, he says down. You say black, he says white. You tell him to do one thing, he'll do the opposite just to spite you. He enjoys being 'difficult' and he enjoys refusing to cooperate with people he doesn't like. Sometimes, he refuses to cooperate with people he does like, just because he takes unholy pleasure in annoying them. (See above re: Q.) He does not (and never did) play nicely with the other children. He just likes to be a pest.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

Oof.

Okay, I tend to headcanon that Q had a pretty crummy childhood with parents who were mentally unwell/emotionally absent. And honestly, I think Q has blocked out a lot of his childhood. I don't think he realizes it, because he has clear memories of his education, the things he taught himself, his childhood pets, etc. But I think he's blocked out a lot of stuff that has to do with his parents and the traumatic things he witnessed while under their care.

For Bond...yeah. I think he blocks out the bad parts of his missions as best he can. I think he erects a mental wall around his memories of being tortured, and I think he refers to those incidents very flippantly because it helps him pretend this is something that happened to someone else.

I also think he blocked out a lot of happy memories from his childhood. I headcanon that he had a pretty happy childhood overall and parents who loved him (and each other). After he lost them, it was too hard for Bond to remember how good things used to be. So he just...doesn't think about it, if he can help it. The contrast between his childhood and his current life is too devastating for him.

(I am still open for asks on this topic, btw!!)

[hazbinhotel-bitch]

Alastor x (Name) podcast

Head cannon:

Alastor making fire segues to sponsors

(Name) both loving and hating the segues that he comes up with on the spot.

The two have a lot of banter and sometimes will have arguments live on the broadcasts.

(Name) having to convince Alastor to try and revamp his broadcast by having sponsors.

(Name) also happened to be a well known journalist before she died so she tends to be the bringing in new stories circling the rings of hell.

Alastor eventually learned to enjoy having a co-host for his live broadcasting to help the exposure of the hotel.

(Name) is a Fox Demon (Might Draw what she looks like)

(Name) is a very creative woman who also enjoys the arts of music and dance.

Unlike Alastor she is rather fond and open to many genre of music and has an appreciation of all things old and new.

They often bicker about what sponsors to take on, (Name) was newer things that are deemed more modern but Alastor surprisingly prefers things a little more outdated or a little more sustainable in nature.

(Name) passed away around 21st century, she was roughly in her early 30s when she passed after a bad lead that ended up killing her. She had always been a very cunning woman and knew how to get what she wanted and would do anything to get the information she needed for her articles.

She was a very selfish woman when it came to her career and her promotions but aside from her greed and her pride she was sent to hell due to her questionable behaviour in obtaining said information, it’s a detail she still keeps vague from those around her.

(Name) managed to come across Alastor after she saw the news interview of Charlie prompting her little hotel of redemption, the Hazbin Hotel. She originally pretended to be a sinner who was on the path to redemption, but her original motives were to write a paper giving the inside scope to twist and tarnish the silly cause, but after meeting Charlie (Name) started to rethink her motives.

Alastor as an Overlord scared her when he fought on to her snooping but eventually the two dispute coming from two different eras were able to become the unlikely of friends. (Name) still does write her papers on other subjects and publishes them anonymously until she ends up pissing off Valentino and Vox.

Above all Alastor and (Name) have a very platonic relationship but it can tiptoe around almost being romantic as they are both very protective of each other.

--------- ---------

** Alastor in this Head Cannon I am creating for this Fanfiction is that Alastor is part of the Ace spectrum in his sexuality/orientation. I am not well versed in asexuality aside from what friends have told me about their experience. Alastor in this fanfic is not someone who feels sexual attraction nor does he find any interest in romantic relationships. Not because he dislikes the idea but because he doesn't understand romantic relationship and just doesn't find romance important (this is subjective to change as the story progresses when he and (Name) start to develop a closer relationship). If I had to label his asexuality for this fanfic it would be Demisexual.

I just wanted to be clear here so I don't get anyone getting mad at me. I am aware back in 2018 the creator of Hazbin hotels said Alastor was Asexual and that at some point someone said that Alastor was Aro-Ace (Aromantic-Asexual) which is fine but for the sake of this Fanfiction he is Demisexual **

(Photo of (Name) the fox demon writer)