#laz goes insane

[laszlo-writes]

Hey man I just know Shauna and Jackie’s numbers are not 6 and 9 respectively i know this is certainly not because they are the equal but opposite, the one without the other, the eternal contradiction of companionship, the never-let-you-go, never-know-me, always-need-you, rabbit and Hunter, separated yin and yang, symbolic magnets repelling and sticking forever

…right?

[milf-lover42]

You know what AND ANOTHER THING - Misty truly believing for a while that Nat left without a word and being DEVASTATED because she really thought they were becoming friends, crying at the thought that Nat didn’t care about her enough to even say goodbye because it’s probably what Nat did to everyone when they got back from the wilderness in the first place. took off without a word to the others and never looked back until she was forced to by the postcard - running straight to Misty. and while Misty has Shauna in this episode, who shows up to her house when asked, that’s mostly just because Shauna is scared that Adam will be found and without Misty she is completely lost right now. But without Natalie Misty is just as lost as Shauna because she needs someone to hold together!! Natalie is her very purpose and she knows that Nat needs her and at least on SOME level wants to be around her because she followed through on her promise and went to the reunion. simply because Misty asked her to come. those brief moments before Misty goes full citizen detective are fucking heartbreaking because for a moment she’s convinced her favorite person has just up and left and never cared about her and she’s crying because now she has no one again. Christina Ricci count your days I’m eating DRYWALL OVER THIS SHIT

[jaspertheabsol]

!Eeveelution Explore Beyond your Limits!

Chapter 1 [Unfortunate Events]

Laz would jump onto my stomach with a kick waking me up and sit on me as he gave out a whine,

"Mikey!!! Wake uppp I'm hungry..!"

I'll pull on my blanket to cover myself as much I could, but he's on it and pulls it away from me,

"Do it yourself.."

This is Laz my older brother who is still a Eevee and I'm Mike a evolved Eevee to a Glaceon.

"But but when you make food it turns out better than the stuff I make."

He would say getting off me and just watches me. I'll sigh and get out my bed getting on all fours and begin to stretch

"Alright I'll head downstairs in a second, wake our step sister up and don't hold back for deciding on shocking me awake with a hug."

He would salute and happily waddles towards her room as I get ready myself grabbing a near by scarf that has stitches and new patches and holds it close,

"Morning Dad and Mom, rest easily for me I'll take care of them don't force yourself."

As I am heading downstairs I hear a shock of something and rush downstairs faster and peek inside the dining table where Laz runs towards me and uses me as cover as a pissed off Jolteon glares him down,

"Wh-what is going on??"

I say trying to shield him from her.

"Hmph!! This little perv goes to my room and sucker punches me in the gut and I am chasing his ass down!"

Meet Karen, very short tempered Jolteon who is my step-sister she is sweet and understanding under all that toughness though!

"But but Mikey said to do the same thing, because you shocked him for a minute straight ina hug!!"

He says as Karen glares up at me.

"I never said th—"

!!BOOM!!

I get punched on the side of my face as I was about to turn to face Mike, a good punch by my step-sister making me fall on my face and get fainted.

[In the past]

At the same moment time being fainted, I would dream that day on a winter my parents are trying to keep me warm and keep me close in a small destroyed cavern that was a home, as we wait for the heaviest known storm to our island passes. There fur has changed color and skin too, unfortunately my dad was a Flareon and keeping us warm was getting harder and more exhausting for him. My Mom being a Sylveon didn't help either, her ribbons were solid and she couldn't force em out anymore a ice bowtie was all she had left.

"Wh-wh-what are we gonna do??"

My mom cried out towards my dad.

"W-we-we have to force him to evolve or-or he dies."

My dad knew the common grounds where a clear ice block would always form which was perfect for a eevee to evolve, but how can they take me if they can't move themselves. Rescue team is on the way, though it's been a few hours and probably are lost.

"We-we have to let go of him."

My dad explained, but my mom eyes widen and argued the idea.

"Your insane! he'll die! Out there!! We can wait for the res—"

My dad would've argued, but stared at her a expression he should be crying though nothing came.

"We are both done for, think Honey. I know where it is and he's a good listener with information."

He turns me to him and begins explaining where to go,

"Mike I want you to run straight down as much you could to 20 seconds like.. 1 second like that okay? After that turn a hard right and you might see a entrance shape of a cave by 2 trees. Run full throttle and find a see through ice block and touch it you'll evolve."

He finished with a smile and grabs his scarf and wraps it around my face and neck.

"We'll be here waiting for you, you'll feel better when you evolve, we can bare our own here!"

Dad uses his last bits of energy to warm me up again with Ember one last time and they set me on my way. I would immediately start doing what he told me to do I know they could handle it, they are top adventures after all!

I would stop counting making it to 20 and look around, but it's hard to see the 2 trees. It took abit of time and eventually I find it, but I have to hurry and the cold is starting to hit again. Where is the rescue team, why are they taking forever, we aren't far. I shake my head, I still haven't been able to talk so I can't trust them if they can't even hear a peep from me and continue until I eventually find the ice block. My body finally goes out and I collapse just seeing the ice block, what's going on??? You can't give out like that, your family is believing in you. I tell myself ask I keep dragging my body that is beginning to freeze up again and this time it is starting to stiff and harden, no no no!! C'mon Dad believes you!!! MOM BELIEVES YOU!! I whimper as I start to lose conscious, eventually slapping the ice and begins to evolve brightly enough for the rescue team screams and siren were heard before I blank out.

"Hey kid are you alive?" A voice calls out to me.

"Hmmm. Let me try something."

My body starts to slowly build up with warmth and that warmth becomes into a burn which jolts me up awake,

"Wh-wha where am I??"

"You are in a temporary camp site for the rescue team" a pokèmom said.

"My name is Mike, I'm surprised I can talk right now." I say trying to regain my thoughts and stay warm by the fire type pokèmom, which as far I know by reading the news paper this is..

"Pleasure to meet you I'm Alex or as some people would high rank Pyro the Arcanine"

he said proudly as he smiled at me. Then it clicked to me, what I was forgetting.

"MY PARENTS! THEY STILL ALIVE!" I yell remembering and start to panic hoping they aren't gone yet.

"Let's go squad, you know the way right kiddo?"

I would nod and stand up feeling warmer not even that cold for being a Glaceon, as we head towards the direction of my home.

The cavern cave in, I began to dig with my paws. The Rescue team trying to help out, but others didn't knowing the truth.

"Mom! Dad! I'm back I evolved and I'm here to save you with the Rescue Team!"

I say hoping they'll be proud to hear my voice, as I make a entrance go inside as the smile I once had go pale. Everyone would go inside one by one, but saw the most disturbing thing they'll ever see in their careers. No one wanted to get close to Mike, they knew right away he needed the silence. The sound of the storm hurling down hard was all they were going to hear, but it wasn't enough to unsee two pokèmom hold each other close who froze to death and the only family member left alive staring at them with tears pouring down his eyes as he is in denial he says.

"M-Mom? Dad?"

[End of the past]

(I'm not good at writing, but I don't mind trying to do it as a fun side hobby. I hope my writing is understandable haha

More to come :3)

[bitchfitch]

i think it's bc Eri has been on my mind as of late but I've been thinking about what growing old for the folk in that Pirate Thing is going to mean.

Lordakai is going to have to eventually weigh the dangers of hibernation against the benefits of stopping his continued growth. Eventually he'll opt to only hibernate one to two months and diet the rest of the year to buy a little more time. The greying that has already started will progress until he's joking Eri got their white coloration from him. The green of his scales will fade out to a deep grey, almost black, too. He aches and he misses the days he didn't feel his own size, but he's so greatful to have gotten to see these years. Even if he'd long ago resolved to live a life that meant finding an early grave. He hadn't expected to find a different sort of life that made living this long worth it.

Toi'uhla is a Lot younger than him yeah, but lorinuses don't live nearly as long as the koita. Ze'll be entering zer golden years as he starts reaching the end of his. Zer feathers will get thinner and start receding from zer snout. The yellow around zer nose and mouth will spread and eventually ring zer eyes too and the fur around zer face will grey. Ze spent most of zer life launching zerself at mach fuck in the direction of the nearest perch ze could jump off of next. That behavior is going to weigh on zer a little bit more every year. Old breaks will soon become better predictors of the weather than just looking at the sky and checking if it's raining or not. Ze doesn't mellow out per say, but Toi'uhla goes from being someone visiting nobility worried about physical confrontation with to someone they worried about much longer and fiercer consequences from when they got zer cross with them. Ze does eventually need Lordakai's help to get up onto his shoulder. Even if doing so makes them both ache, there's no other way they'd rather sit together.

Laz will hit bird rabbit menopause and soon after her ovary will stop producing enough feminizing hormones, and she'll start growing in more masculine plumage. It drives her insane, having a big long tail train when she's used to the short fan. It also frustrates her to no end that she can no longer make fun of Toi'uhla for being so dam colourful. She eventually goes grey too. And she and Yandoli may be just about the same age, but skedji are only barely longer lived than lorinuses. She was already middle aged when Yandoli was just coming into womanhood. Yan outlives her a few times over, taking over the roll of Captain of the Harbor's Bane not long before her father is gone too. She jokes he was just waiting to see another Lordakai at the ships helm before he would let himself go.

Fiana watches this all. Wordless, as is her habit. After Yandoli leaves the life, Fiana is still left on the ship. Never able to leave it. Never able to crash it or destroy it. He'll watch over those unknowably ancient masts and sails. Polish the floor boards and pretend to be indifferent to the other crew and captains who come and go. Until the endless marching of the columns finally comes to a stop, and the universe is at long last allowed to end.

She'll wake up at his computer desk. Breathing hard, the computer screen in front of her displaying and unknown error message. The site will reload, and his inbox will be empty of any curse bearing replies. She isn't a sure if he wishes she'd forgotten it all when he wakes up.

[tauforged]

laz's fatal flaw is that he, at his core, is very very very attracted to guys who clearly have a lot of pent up and repressed frustration and anger and are coping with serious deep seated issues with self worth and are coping with it by lashing out at everyone. like he's BEEN that guy so he Gets It, he knows what its like, and he is so goddamn skilled at getting under peoples skin and pushing their buttons and he KNOWS full and goddamn well that just like him theres usually a wire crossed somewhere in their head between fighting and fucking and he also knows that outright approaching them like 'hey. do you like men' they will immediately assume hes pulling their leg and probably get mad as fuck and he will fumble his chance, so he just bides his time and bothers them and tries to initiate physical conflict one way or another, either by getting them to like spar with him or something or by just bothering them until they snap. almost always lets them 'win' and then drops the bomb on them as to why he's actually doing this, and it ALWAYS works because again he knows the exact mindset and he knows theyre going to be chomping at the bit for any opportunity to be Wanted, especially now that the adrenaline is pumping because they were just beating the shit out of eachother and theyre gonna be prone to be impulsive and less likely to give in to self doubt and actually go for it. like it's in part 'i know this guy has issues and cannot be fixed, BUT i think if he got laid he might at least calm down a little bit. thankfully im just the man for the job' and also he genuinely just likes em wacky like he sees a guy who is absolutely insane and is like ohh i cant not fuck him . someone once said 'dont stick your dick in crazy' to him and he was like this sign wont stop me because i cant read

the 'flaw' part of this is that, because he is ultimately at his core just a chill friendly guy who has been very lonely for most of his life, he latches onto anyone he manages to make a connection with VERY hard and becomes genuinely invested in their wellbeing, so obviously if this newfound outlet for their issues accidentally gives them the opportunity to like, reflect and decide they do actually want to better themselves, of course hes going to be right there with them every step of the way and try to help or be supportive any way he can, because thats what friends do!!

so he is basically constantly getting himself into these situations where hes like 'this guy is hot i am going to start a fight because i want him on me' clearly just gunning for like a weirdly homoerotic rivalry or something like he is clearly not thinking this far ahead and then next thing he knows he is not only in love with the guy like genuinely but he is also like accidentally giving them secondhand therapy by talking about his own struggles and how he relates to them in an attempt to be understanding. he's the only guy in the world with 'i can fix him' disease who genuinely does not approach these interactions with the intention of fixing anyone it literally just happens to him and he comes home to rigel at the end of the day like 'baaaaabe it happened again 🥺🥺🥺 help' and rigel sighs and goes to see which pathetic loser guy followed laz home like a stray dog this time

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

red apple, orange and avocado for the jakobslock kids >:)

🍎 [RED APPLE] Who does your OC value above all else?

Lazarus - Ofc ze looks up to zir dads but also ze is a massive VH fanperson. They especially look up to Aurelia, Zane, Mordecai, Athena and Fl4k, although for Mordecai, Aurelia and Athena ze only knows them through reading True Vault Hunter Tales and collecting a ridiculous amount of Vaultlanders (though ze does meet Auntie Aurelia eventually, and it goes as well as you'd expect: Laz trying to not go insane and emitting inhuman sounds).

Rebekah - Should be obvious. She's very young. But aside from those two, she thinks Clay is the best uncle ever (much to the dismay of her parents)

🍊 [ORANGE] Does your OC have a prophecy surrounding them? If they don't, what would it be?

Ehhhh Borderlands isn't really an universe for prophecies I don't think, even in my rewrite. The characters that do interact with time bullshit are kinda weird and don't really do prophecies aside from preparing for "the War". Even Scylla doesn't really tell anyone about her future visions.

🥑 [AVOCADO] What will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

Lazarus - LIKING BUGS. If you purposefully kill a spider that was just minding its own business in zir line of sight you WILL get stabbed and/or shot. This applies to spiderants and varkids too even if they're hostile to human life 99% of the time.

Rebekah - Rebby is non-speaking the majority of the time. If you ask her to speak up either someone nearby will shoot you in the face or she'll stab you in the knee and teleport away. Truly a common autism win.

[lexosaurus]

You DARE call yourself merciful? You?! The very Invisobang leader who has gone simply INSANE with power??

The truth is that I, the very innocent uwu Lexosaurus, was merely existing in peaceful harmony singing kumbaya with everyone. There was dancing, music, meditation. It was like at the end of ATLA when the 4 nations come together as one. All peace, beautiful, birds are chirping—you know.

We were mid-flower-crown making when King Laz comes storming in, cape billowing in the fake-wind (she made @bibliophilea follow her with a fan to simulate wind. It was mega cringe), and then pointed her finger at my flower offerings (because I am very nice, remember) and my flowers literally BURST into flames.

Out of absolutely nowhere, Laz punches me in the face and goes, "FE FI FO FUM, YOU DARE DISTURB MY SLUMBER?"

Like, wtf??

And then, as I was kneeling on my knees before the All Powerful King Laz Of Invisobang, she grabs me and KICKS ME OUT! And not to be dramatic, but it's literally winter?? So I was standing in the cold, locked out of the Invisobang for hours with no way in, freezing under these winter conditions in New England. It was simply so unbearable. You should all feel extremely bad for me right now.

Finally, @lexiepiper and @bibliophilea managed to convince Laz to let me back in, but not before the hypothermia had started to set in. They sat me by the fire and gave me a (new) flower crown, and we all started chanting campfire songs. This annoyed Laz who hates fun and she stomped away.

My story is, of course, 100% true. Anyone who was there will vouch for me. I am completely innocent!! Laz is mad with power!!! Laz the Merciful? More like Laz the MerciLESS am I right??

The Invisobang server is 99% authors finally being able to talk about their fics and 1% me kicking @lexosaurus in the first five minutes

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Phew! What an episode!! Many, many, major spoilers below for The Boys S3 E6, Herogasm.

Okay... where to start with this episode. Let's start with the title event - Herogasm. How depraved do I sound if I say, it wasn't actually that depraved? Lol! I think I was just expecting something crazier? Is that crazy?! Lol!! Maybe I've simply read and written too much smut? 😂

Don't get me wrong, there were some crazy ass moments. Annie telling Love Sausage how good MM was at "cunnalingus". 😆

Annie: Yeah, he just gobbles that vagina right up! Just nom, nom, nom, nom!"

😂😂😂 Jesus!!

MM getting completely covered in come - "Lick it up, you big brown bear you." 😆😵‍💫😆

The guy with his dick on fire was pretty terrifying.

But just, all in all, I guess considering it was the boys and Herogasm has been talked about so much, I was just expecting more insane shit. Lol! Like for me, the first 15 minutes of episode 1 was WAY more depraved and insane! This was just a bunch of people having sex, some of it a bit kinky. 😄

Still enjoyable though. I'm a little sad Soldier Boy didn't take part, especially considering he apparently founded it!! 😜 (Founded it with Stormfront - or Liberty as she was known then! So Homelander and Soldier Boy both fucked Stormfront!!) 🤯

Anyway, much, MUCH more on SB coming up.

Now, for Kimiko and Frenchie. Holy shit!

First, Kimiko's heartbreaking texts to Frenchie:

Are you mad at me because 💋

It won't happen again.

💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭

And then that scene with her and Cherie and Frenchie. Poor Frenchie. I just love him so much and I hate Nina SO MUCH!! I was so cheering Kimiko on. (And wtg Cherie, coming in with the assist!!) I honestly thought Kimiko had her powers back.

But no, it was just her, which should have made her feel like a badass and an ACTUAL fucking hero, not a fake one like the SUPES. She came through. She saved them all!! So when she said to Frenchie that it just proved she was the monster, it made me wanna cry!! 🥺

Ugh, I just love them so much and I want them both to be safe so badly!! 😩😩

So now, MM and Annie. So...I feel like this is gonna be a really unpopular opinion, but, I think they're wrong. Let me explain.

The scene where MM was telling Annie about what happened to his family...his Grandpa - tears - so many tears! (Laz acted the shit out of that scene, btw!)

And I completely understand how that would trigger his OCD and a fucking lifetime of trauma. But I don't think killing SB is actually going to change any of that. When has revenge EVER given someone lasting peace. I think he has to deal with the trauma, and it sure would be great if SB would stop acting like a machismo, uncaring dick when MM confronts him about killing his family.

When MM was like, "You killed my family."

And SB was like, "Which one?"

I was like, "Fuck Soldier Boy!! You are an asshole!"

But wtf was MM thinking trying to go after him? The halothane was a dumb enough move, but then when it obviously no longer worked against him (maybe that's why SB was in the big chamber in Russia? Grew an immunity to the halothane?) MM goes after him with just his fists? 😲😲😲 And then later, just before Starlight stops him, he was cocking his gun to go after him. Like, really MM, a gun?!

And I get where both Annie and MM are coming from, but I don't think their solution is it, at least not on its own. I think they're gonna need a combination of MM and Annie's plan, along with Hughie and Butcher's plan.

Because to my mind, there's no doubt whatsoever that they're going to need more strength and firepower to defeat Homelander than just Starlight and Maeve (if she's even still alive! 😩😬)

So, I completely get Butcher and Hughie's reasoning (although it makes me very sad that Hughie's reasoning is also partly set in that toxic masculinity BS that little boys grow up with.)

Anyway, I just think that they'll need a SUPED-up Hughie and Butcher, maybe a temporarily Suped -up Kimiko, Starlight, Maeve, and maybe one or two more "decent supes", maybe Neuman, DEFINITELY Soldier Boy to have a shot at bringing down Homelander. Doesn't mean there aren't going to be problems there, doesn't mean it's a perfect plan, but they've gotta pull together to kill that SOB.

Anyway, I'm so sorry I've rambled on for SO long - but this episode was INCREDIBLE!!

I'll end with Soldier Boy. So, I still haven't changed my position on him. Hearing what he did to MM's family is completely horrifying, and he definitely deserved to be brought to justice for that kind of reckless disregard for civilians lives.

But to my mind, he's served that time. Nearly 40 years of torture? I feel like that's his debt paid. I know it doesn't fix MM, but as I said above, I think MMs help lies elsewhere. But a sincere and real apology (like A-Train gave Hughie before he...died?!! 😬😳😲) might go a long way to helping. Not holding my breath for that though.

Because, as we saw in this episode, that Toxic Masculinity BS is strong and pervasive in SB too, probably much more so than Hughie. He was born and raised in it. He won't even admit that he's experiencing major PTSD, probably because he thinks it's weak.

Both SB and Hughie's storylines this season have actually given me a wider appreciation for just how unbelievably damaging TM is, not just to feminism, not just to society as a whole, but to EVERY boy who's raised believing this absolute bullshit, and to every grown man who can't admit he has any emotions. It honestly breaks my heart.

So, when it comes to SB, I feel like I'm not sure he could ever uproot that horrible toxicity. I mean, I SERIOUSLY hope so, but it may be impossible.

But, for me, all of that, including the fact that he doesn't even remember what happens when he goes nuclear, it makes him more of a sympathetic character.

I still really wanna know what he did to his team to make them hate him so much? Did they just feel like he was out of control and too powerful to deal with? Or did he actually do something heinous that they wanted him gone for.

I'm so curious for more!!

Oh and, P.S. - the fight between Homelander, SB, Butcher, and Hughie was epic on another level!! I watched it 3 times in a row. I LOVE that they ACTUALLY scared Homelander enough that he flew away like the true coward he is. I need so many more team ups!! But I need MM, Starlight, Maeve, and maybe Neuman to join in.

I do truly apologize for how long I've yammered here!! I am really, really loving this season!!

[saltysalmonkid]

Some wwdits office au thoughts to supplement my latest art:

Obviously Nandor's a boss and Guillermo is his assistant slash secretary idk if those are the same thing. Nadja is also a boss of the same tier as Nandor and Laszlo is her secretary but theyre married and Absolutely Not sanctioned by hr and have so much sex in the handicap toilets all the time that everyones just decided to steer clear of them. Colin robinson is a middle management guy. Or maybe a receptionist? Idk.

Nandor is a divorcee in this one. Hes had many many many ex wives. He doesnt hold custody over ANY of his kids and that makes him sad bc he really does enjoy being a dad. He tries to call them up as much as he can but he works long hours so :( also hes bisexual but HEAVILY repressed

Like hes not homophobic or anything but hes the kinda guy who when Guillermo came out to him he went "oh two of my kids are like that" bc he thinks its comforting. And weirdly it kinda is.

Laszlo and Nadja are bisexual also and him and Nadja absolutely still have a very open relationship and hv probably collectively fucked their way thru half the staff by now

Guillermo is an overzealous employee who really really wants to get promoted. He also kills and eats people. Just kidding. Or am i. I am. (I'm not?)

Colin Robinson, as youd be surprised to learn, is largely the same.

Nandermo moment happens after hours when everyone else has gone home but Nandor is still at work bc hes an insane person and Guillermo is just accompanying him bc hes also insane but in a different way. Nandor sees the moonlight reflect off Memo's face in the dark office and just kisses him on instinct and then goes into catatonic shock for abt 10 whole minutes frm his own actions. Then he gets up and goes home and they dance around each other for about two weeks until Guillermo gets fed up and just grabs him during his lunch break and dips him.

The baron is one of their higher ups and him, Laszlo and Nadja are so so uncomfortable to be around when theyre all together. For obvious reasons.

I think maybe memo would have one of the vamps as his landlord? Im inclined to say laszlo and nadja but idk. Sean is def still laz's neighbour tho. They are still besties in this one.

[laszlo-writes]

the Yellowjackets official Instagram (and maybe other socials idk that’s the only one I’m on) just posted a video with the caption “#MistyNat forever” so y’all are all invited to my damn funeral ig

[hypnified]

Irais just knows they're up to something, Barks doesn't believe him, Laz honestly couldn't careless, Phoenix just wants to know what insane shit they're up to this time, Bear is on the floor sobbing because he just knows chaos is gonna go down and bear quietly goes "I'm not drunk enough for this." Barks immediately pulls the "you were never drunk in the first place." Card.

Give Skunker, storm, Erix, Pluto, Frey, and Crimson an hour and the amount of chaos and problems they cause is insane

[thatemotionalbitch]

🗑🏅☀️

Rubbyyyyyyyyyyyyyy tysm for asking so I got SOMETHING here lmao

🗑 What is one fic idea that you loved at first but then scrapped?

OKAY obviously you know about this one, but I kind of started setting up this really, really random like Greek mythology AU? Katya was Hephaestus and Trixie was Aphrodite? I actually mapped out a LOT of this fic but then had to work on something else instead for Birthday Reasons, and realized this fic would not be able to be funny, which is kind of like the #1 requirement for all my fics. So it was not meant to be.

🏅 What is the fic you’re most proud of?

Part of me says LAZ, because it's the first, but I think really it's Library Card, because that one is 110% my baby. Library Card is my favourite child because it's the most personal, and it's also the fic I thought I was going to have to sell the hardest to get people to buy into it, but it's actually like my most well-received fic?? It's such a weird, weird random niche fic and it took such a long time to write and then like format and everything, but it was totally worth it. Library Card is my special baby that I love.

(Special mention to it's showtime because that was kind of a Spite Fic, or a fic that I wrote out of spite from people saying it Couldn't Be Done. But then I did it. And it's the most hilariously insane thing)

☀️ Has anyone ever left you a comment that made your day? What did it say?

SO MANY PEOPLE. Honestly, like ANY time someone leaves a comment it makes my day, no joke. Special shout out goes to people who: point out specific lines they loved, keysmash and scream OH MY GOD, people who COMPLIMENT MY CHARACTERIZATION!!!!, and also people who have said they are back doing a re-read. But otherwise like basically every comment makes my day?? We're such a small little tiny fandom--any kind of validation seriously makes my entire week

fanfic ask game for international fanworks day

[garbagevanfleet]

I’ve never wanted to punch someone more than Jacob Kiszka in Abbie wtf he’s such a fuck boy!! I hope he becomes insanely jealous and upset over the reader and Josh 👿 while they’re super happy and in love. But!! That’s how I know you’re a talented writer! When I feel true anger over the characters! Amazing

right? we knew he was a fuck boi from laz, but now we know how much worse it could be under the right circumstances. lets see where all of this goes, shall we?

[laszlo-writes]

How to cope after this?

Rebecca would simply be immune to everything that Misty tries to do to her. Gaslighting? She was with Rupert long enough that she can spot it a mile off. Attempted injury? Rebecca could pick Misty up with one hand and throw her to Mars. Attempted poisoning? In my spirit I believe that Rebecca could survive being poisoned. What’s left for Misty to do? Behave? Talk about her feelings? Get diagnosed with little freak disease? Let Rebecca fuck some normality into her? Rebecca could fix her and I believe that with my whole heart

Please know that this had made me and my very best pal @laszlo-writes nearly PISS ourselves with laughter, “DIAGNOSED WITH LITTLE FREAK DISEASE” I-

Secondly, you’re so right I see it now, I do think she might need Keeley’s help with it but you’re SO right and I see this so clearly. Thank you anon for this delightful image I owe you my life

[scottspack]

SO YOU JUST FINISHED THE UNTAMED AND YOU WANT TO READ SOME FIC

Congratulations Jen @jlf23tumble on finishing The Untamed (tomorrow)! Now that you’re done with the show (tomorrow), you can finally dive into the wide and wonderful world of untamed fic!!! I’m ecstatic to be personally curating your reading experience! LET’S BEGIN!

I’ve started off with a list of 5 fics I think you should read in this specific order to 1. get some resolution from the end of the show and 2. get you acclimated to untamed fics! Then, I’ve listed a bunch of fics in different categories for your perusal to read at your leisure! This is an unbelievably long post holy shit brace yourself.

I’m like fairly certain that all of these follow the tv show canon BUT also its very typical for authors to combine many aspects of all of the different forms of canons to their liking. Therefore, I feel like I need to give a quick explanation of a couple things from the novel that show up frequently in fics that idk if you know already or not:

In the book, when Wei Wuxian is resurrected, he is brought back in Mo Xuanyu’s actual body and has his face and everything. Mo Xuanyu was pretty young when he died, I wanna say maybe 17 or 18??? and he was also short and pretty and flamboyantly gay. This is where the references to their crazy height difference come from, but again, I think I tried to include mostly fics that skew more heavily to the tv version where WWX keeps his same body and he and LWJ are more evenly matched physically.

Its novel canon that LWJ smells like sandalwood incense and has golden colored eyes. This is mentioned in like almost every single wangxian fic ive ever read, even if the author said they were strictly adhering to show canon lol

At the end of the novel wangxian run away together and elope! Obviously in the show that’s not how it goes down, but I think a couple of the fics I’ve recced might mention it in passing. (Oh also when they elope they make a pact to fuck “everyday,” a concept that might be mentioned as well.

Obviously, we have to kick it off with some fics that both reunite wangxian and give more resolution to the actual show. If you’re like me, it both took you a while to get all the way through the show AND took 100% of your brain power to remember all of the characters and plot lines. If that’s that case: these fics should be helpful in serving as a kind of emotional refresher for the show to wrap up some loose ends and to dive deeper into some of the things the show glosses over for one reason or another!

1. A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by hansbekhart (Wangxian, E, 21k) 

The funny part is - and it is a little funny, even if Wei Wuxian has no one left to share the joke with - they never have. Not anything. He has never kissed any part of Lan Zhan besides his slim hands; never been even partially undressed with him anywhere besides a miserable, xuanwu-infested cave. It’s always been like this between them, this simmering need, this desperate understanding: a knowledge so deep that it lives somewhere in his bones, that if he wanted to have Lan Zhan he could have him, and if Lan Zhan wanted Wei Wuxian he could have that too. But they never have.

I found this fic on someone’s blog when they said that it was the definitive fic to read directly after finishing the series so i saved it, read it directly after finishing the series, and felt COMPLETE. Beautifully written, seamlessly fits with canon, and has a super fulfilling resolution. The perfect way to kick off reading untamed fic!

2. One Rogue Spark In My Direction by hansbekhart (Lan Wangji/Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan, E, 5k)

He’d thought, in Yueyang, that they’d seen something in each other, something familiar. That maybe they’d recognized something in him. But it’s been many years, and many things have happened since, and he’s guessed wrongly at other people’s hearts before. Lan Wangji looks back down at the table, at his steaming, bitter tea. He’ll beg if he has to.

In “A Lot Of Edges Called Perhaps” Wangji mentions that he has had sex before and this is the in-universe story of that time and WHEW BABY!!!! AHHHHHH!!! While this fic is like, almost pure smut, I think there is a ton of value to it in terms of emotional perspective on how fucked up LWJ was after WWX’s death. Also, it’s very hot.

3. Gathered Herbs & Sweet Grasses by hansbekhart (Laz Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

Later, when he’s older, it’s this that A-Yuan will remember most: the stretch of silence, the two of them both dirty and shaking with fever, as he looked at Brother Rich, and Brother Rich looked back at him.

This is a fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui from when he rescues Sizhui from the Burial Mounds until they bring WWX back to the Cloud Recesses after he’s resurrected. It made me cry about 18 times and I consider it fully canon in relation to the show. I think this gives a lot of emotional depth to the Wangji/Sizhui family relationship that is very important in most fics, so this acts as a good base since the show doesn’t really talk about it too much.

4. Your Name, Safe In Their Mouth by astrolesbian (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, G, 10k)

“You’ve got a fever,” Wei Wuxian says soothingly. “You just keep still as well as you can. We’ll have you fixed up soon.”

Lan Sizhui recognizes his tone—this is the voice that Wei Wuxian uses on hurt people and young children, a very calm and no-nonsense voice that has none of the mischief and cheer of the way he sounds the rest of the time. Lan Sizhui looks up and meets his eyes, and they are dark, stormy gray, muddled and concerned.

“I’m all right,” he croaks.

“Hush,” Wei Wuxian says, in a low croon, like someone quieting a baby. Then he blinks, and looks away, awkward. “I mean—you shouldn’t speak. You’re tired. Rest if you need to.”

or: lan sizhui gets sick on a night hunt. wei wuxian comforts him. they both have a lot of feelings about it.

The Wei Wuxian and Sizhui bonding fic that I so desperately desperately needed to read. Since we got the emotional depth to Wangji/Sizhui in the last fic, here’s some emotional resolution for Sizhui and his other dad!!!!!!!!!! Scratched the very particular itch of “but have they REALLY talked about what it means that they’re reunited after 16 years???”

5. climbing up that coastal shelf by Sour_Idealist (Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng, & Wei Wuxian, T, 15k)

Jin Ling had begun to suspect years ago that there were parts of his family history that had been crossed out; long streaks of black where Wei Wuxian had been. The truth is more like whole books being brought up from their hiding places again.

Or: Jin Ling tries to figure out what family means, now.

OKAY!!!! Last emotional resolution before I send you on your way to explore! This is the emotional resolution for the other half of WWX’s family. Featuring just a FUCK TON of family feels and a lot of TALKING that this fucked up family needs so damn bad. *chefs kiss* muy delicioso! ALSO i think this is a good introduction to a lot of the naming conventions that are used frequently in untamed fic that took me a while to pick up on!

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that you’ve gotten some post-show catharsis in the form of a few extremely well-written fics, it’s time for a full rec! I’ve divided it up into seven categories: long fics, smutty one-shots, 3zun (lan xichen/nie mingjue/meng yao) fics, fics about the juniors, family fun fics, some miscellaneous fics, and then some yizhan RPF! I wouldn’t have put any of these fics on here if I didn’t think they were worth reading, BUT! I did mark my particular favorites with asterisks to demark the crème de la crème of the bunch. SO! LET’S DIVE IN!

EPIC TALES (LONG AND/OR IMMERSIVE)

My Age Has Never Made Me Wise by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 63k) ***

“We hear that His Excellency might be married by summer’s end,” the merchant’s wife says and Wei Wuxian freezes, his heart in his throat. “The Gusu Lan sect has been buying enough red silk and brocade that the merchants in Caiyi can’t satisfy the demand.”

He feels himself grow brittle inside, like a flick of a finger to his temple might make him shatter. His ears are ringing.

“Who’s the lucky bride?” he asks despite himself. His tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth.

Or: The story of a marriage.

I LOVE THIS FIC. YOU MUST PROMISE ME YOU’LL READ THIS FIC. The absolute best kind of slow burn and I think such an extremely accurate representation of the canon material. I’m always surprised by the authors in this fandom’s ability to write shit that is so concretely grounded in the universe. This could and should be a real companion novel. Amazing. I love it. (Also I know you said you’re not into fics that are long just to be long and I think this fic is the exact opposite of that, it’s long but for good reason and has such an insanely satisfying payoff that it’s completely worth dedicating a few hours to!)

The Year of Drought by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 24k)

Wei Ying could not be contained by the walls of the Cloud Recesses, alive again and overflowing with it, bursting like a dam in spring with the force of two lives unspent. And so he had to go. Lan Wangji understands that—he understood it when Wei Ying told him of his plans, looking at Lan Wangji above the rim of his cup with an apologetic smile, like craving freedom was something to apologize for.

Wei Ying would go, and Lan Wangji would see him off; this has always been the only way it could be.

Or: In the absence of Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji waits.

The previous fic but from Wangji’s perspective. Absolutely required reading if you read the other one. Wangji baby.......i love you.....

further than the grave by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 32k)

There is something about grief that turns Lan Wangji numb. He cannot be certain if it is not some kind of defect inside him that makes him so. But just as he grieved his mother’s passing with dry eyes and a stone in his chest, so he grieves Wei Ying: quietly, frozen inside, without tears. Beyond the Jingshi window it might be spring, but Lan Wangji’s body and mind are still held within the winter’s grasp.

As the anniversary of his leaving seclusion approaches, Lan Wangji ponders the nature of grief and healing.

One last fic from the same verse as the previous two, this talks about Wangji post-WWX’s death and then them dealing with the past post-marriage. Its just as good and immersive and amazing as the previous two parts, but this is the only untamed fic that actually made me gasp out loud and if you read this and can guess what it was we will be best friends forever. (There are two other fics in this verse that are also good but these three in particular are god-tier in my eyes.)

Vagabond by xantissa (Wangxian, E, 66k)

Wei Wuxian comes back to Cloud Recesses after a year of wandering the world, hoping to start a relationship with Lan Zhan. He doesn’t expect to come into the middle of a case of sleeping sickness mysteriously killing people, nor does he expect what follows, putting everything he holds dear on the line once again.

OOOWEE CASE FIC! CASE FIC! This is truly the twisty turny intense and INTERESTING type of fic from this fandom that blows my mind. This could fully be a stand alone novel its that good and there’s that much to it. Another one that isn’t long just to be long, it has so much PLOT!!!!! REAL GOOD SHIT!

Seldom All They Seem by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 25k)

or, one hundred and thirty-three principles of the Gusu Lan, pertaining to the state of marriage

***

He bows to Wei Wuxian, sword in hand, sleeves falling properly. Wei Wuxian bows in return, and the sect leaders begin the opening courtesies, and for all of ten minutes Lan Wangji is under the impression that he is betrothed to a boy who is perfectly normal and acceptable apart from an unfortunate tendency to fidget with his clothes.

That impression does not last.

A canon-divergent fic exploring “what if Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were betrothed from when they were young like Yanli and Jin Zixuan?” It’s extremely good and very compelling and also made me cry multiple times. (The confrontation in the rain doesn’t get any easier even if they’re betrothed!)

Half Cloak & Half Dagger by Fahye (Lan Xichen/Meng Yao, E, 13k)

Jin Guangyao lifts his head and smiles. "I'm considering a problem."

"Can I be of any assistance with it?"

He drops a kiss on Lan Xichen's chest. With the nail of one finger he lightly traces the characters for irony on Lan Xichen's side. "Not this one, er-ge."

A follow-up fic set in the “Seldom All They Seem” universe but focused on xiyao. Has hands down the best written characterization of meng yao in any fic ive read so far. I continuously come back to this fic just to read the absolutely genius way this author writes the Head Bitch In Control of the cultivation world.

The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli (Wangxian, T, 20k)

Wei Wuxian’s hand jolts, spilling a drop of wine onto the tabletop. “Love?” he croaks, then clears his throat and tries again. “Lan Zh— uh, Hanguang-jun, in love?”

“Have you not heard the story?” the other young woman asks, looking pitying. “You must, it is a truly heartrending tale of star-crossed romance and mutual pining — go to any storyhouse in town, everyone has been requesting a reading of this book.”

“There’s a book?” Wei Wuxian says blankly.

In which the junior disciples (namely, Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen, and a reluctant Lan Sizhui) turn to RPF in an attempt to rehabilitate Wei Wuxian's reputation so that he and Hanguang-jun can get together and get married and live happily ever after. It's... surprisingly effective.

I kept avoiding this fic, even though it was really high up on the list of most popular fics in the fandom, bc the premise sounded pretty goofy BUT I finally bit the bullet one day and AHHHHHHHH!!!!! Very very very cute and fun, made me smile like an idiot throughout the entire thing. Heartwarming and very well written!!!

never let me go by yiqie (Wangxian, E, 69k)

Wei Wuxian has certainly hoped so ardently in his two lifetimes, for so many different things, in so many different ways, that he could have summoned the demon to his front door with his bare hands. His eyes wander to Lan Zhan, settle on the back of his head, the blue-black curtain of his hair. Oh, how he has hoped.

Another extremely good and super immersive case fic. If you ever just want to sink really deep into an untamed fic, this is a great one for it.

hunters seeking solid ground by Attila (Wangxian, E, 24k)

“Hanguang-jun,” Wei Wuxian repeats. His heart clenches. He wants—but he’d really meant to have this nightmare stuff down before they met again, so he wouldn’t find himself relying on Lan Wangji’s nearness. He’s not supposed to go back yet. But he’s so tired, and his will crumbles. “Yeah,” he says. “All right. Take me back to Gusu with you.”

You want hurt/comfort? I gotcha hurt/comfort RIGHT HERE!

shadows in the sun rise by Yuu_chi (Wangxian, E, 25k) ***

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, voice slow and a pitch too quiet. A second later Wei Wuxian understands why. “I cannot hear.”

Or; Lan Wangji is cursed into internal isolation. Their ability to understand one another remains as unwavering as ever.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I have been thinking about this fic nonstop since I read it. It is…..fucking incredible. One of the best qualities of wangxian is that they’re so in tune with each other and able to work so cohesively with little communication and this fic is like “what if we take that and DIAL IT UP TO ELEVEN” and i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I hope that you will come and meet me by feyburner (Wangxian, M, 28k) ***

The second time Lan Zhan said Wei Ying, come back, Wei Wuxian did.

okay so this is literally getting added to the fic rec one day before i send it to you because i just finished it and WHEW BABY!!!!! YES it is just another wangxian post-canon reunion get-together fic, BUT 1. i cant get enough of that specific brand of fic and 2. ITS SO GOOD. ITS. SO. GOOD. achingly tender and incredibly soft but also funny and sweet and very in-character! i love it!

THE BONE ZONE (WANGXIAN SMUT)

Sweet Night by corteae (Wangxian, E, 10k)

It was like coming back to life again, like being restitched into existence, cell by cell, nerve by nerve. From the surface of his skin to the marrow of his bones, everything new and purposeful. Like being pulled back from oblivion into an embrace of pure light. A feeling of absolute asylum.

That’s what it felt like, to realize Lan Wangji was in love with him.

An in-show au of “what if they just admitted they’re in love and fucked during episode 43?” Soft and romantic and hot!

the crucial point by dissembler (Wangxian, E, 7k) ***

Months after parting on the mountain, Lan Wangji makes up his mind, plots his course on a map, and has faith.

I LOVE THIS FIC! Very realistic and sweet wangxian reunion fic from wangji’s perspective. Has so many good little details and is very true to their characters. Good shit. Great.

Stainless by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 6k)

"I'm starting to feel," says Lan Xichen, "that this was a counterproductive suggestion."

Wei Wuxian looks down onto the pristine, tranquil cold springs of the Cloud Recesses. Sitting in the water, their bare shoulders rising like dumplings carefully spaced in a steaming-basket, are a large number of Lan disciples.

"They seem to be doing better," he says, encouragingly. "If they--oh, no, I see what you mean."

At the near bank, someone has pressed someone else against the rocks and is kissing them frantically.

What is getting into a new pairing if not an excuse to read sex pollen in new and exciting ways!

To Recklessly Confess by la_dissonance (Wangxian, E, 8k)

Lan Wangji has a fantasy. Wei Wuxian gets several clues.

The “what if they just fucked in episode 43” au but from a different angle.

all the depths of me, real by northofallmusic (Wangxian, E, 15k)

Wei Wuxian is dealing with a curse a little worse than he'd like to let on, and Lan Zhan is a little less than willing to let it slide.

Another “what if they just fucked in the show” fic, this time set when WWX has the curse on his leg and Wangji has to carry him back to the inn. 

Every Day, Learning More by phnelt (Wangxian, E, 6k)

The pink was high on Wei Wuxian’s cheeks. “I mean I haven’t been able to… that I can’t. Not without you.”

Lan Wangji stared. “In this body, the whole time you’ve had it -- you’ve never…”

Wei Wuxian kicked his heels into Lan Wangji’s back. “I just said that!”

I knew at least one of these was more book verse than show! WWX hasn’t been able to jerk off in his new body, LWJ helps him out :-)

the meaning of the ritual by newamsterdam (Wangxian, E, 8k)

“Lan Zhan… wants to bed me?”

The hand on his chest is shaking, slightly. “Mn.”

“Oh,” Wei Wuxian breaths out.

There’s something— something powerful, about that. Lan Wangji wants to bed him. Lan Wangji wants to sleep with him. Lan Wangji wants to touch him, and kiss him. The immovable, implacable Second Master of Lan, with a face and principles both carved from jade, wants him.

“Is this a fantasy of yours?” Wei Wuxian asks. “Forcing all the demonic energy out of me with your—”

Lan Wangji claps a hand over his mouth. “Silence, now.”

When the entire cultivation world turns against the Yiling Patriarch, Wei Wuxian makes a risky gamble— he'll agree to participate in an ancient ritual for cleansing the spirit, so that his character can no longer be called into question. The catch? He has no idea who his partner for the ritual will be.

This is also book-verse! As the tag says “Let Lan Wangji Fuck the Yiling Patriarch”!!!!!!!!!!!

Hurricane by gdgdbaby (Wangxian, E, 6k) ***

"Haven't you heard?" Nie Huaisang replied, clicking his tongue, though he was clearly pleased that he could be the one to break the news. He leaned in to announce with a dramatic flourish: "Lan Wangji just took emergency family leave this past weekend."

WANGXIAN AS SPIRK STAR TREK PON FAR AU!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!!!!!!!! This was actually recced to ME by CHI and I have not stopped thinking about this fic for a full month. It’s like author gdgdbaby sat down one day and was like “Tumblr user Liv Scottspack deserves everything she wants in this life.” and then wrote this fic. Thank you author gdgdbaby, I love you.

WORLD’S WORST THROUPLE (3ZUN)

The body is a blade by rheawrites (3zun, E, 2k) ***

In which Lan Xichen is taken by surprise, Nie Mingjue takes what he can get, and Meng Yao gets what he wants.

This was the first 3zun fic I ever read and whew baby, got it in one! It’s actually a slight AU but it gets their characterization so right and is a very fun read. One of those fics I go back to frequently because it does so much with so few words.

shang tiantang by fuckwarlock (3zun, E, 4k)

They wanted so much, and with the way A-Yao gasps at the saber-calloused hand unfastening his belts, he does, too. The night air twirls with the scents of osmanthus and cinnamon and melon. Lan Xichen smiles, leans in, and ghosts his lips over the crook of A-Yao’s neck. What kind of brother would he be if he didn’t give A-Yao what he wanted? “I think it’s your turn to ascend, A-Yao.”

The Venerated Triad celebrates the Mid-Autumn Festival the best way they know how.

Truly the only way the venerated triad works is if meng yao gets Destroyed :-)

Favour and Fate by soulgusttheguardian (3zun, E, 8k)

There have been times in Meng Yao’s life when he couldn’t help but wonder how he came to be in his current situation. Found himself reflecting on the choices leading up to whatever misfortune had befallen him that day, and pondering why fate hated him so.

Granted, there had also been times when he couldn't help but wonder just what he had done to earn the favour necessary to be rewarded with certain things...

The current situation he found himself to be in, however, was definitely the latter.

More of the same! Truly I personally can never get enough of the 3zun dynamic in smut fics its just too goddamn motherfucking GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

the stars do not take sides by everyearning (3zun, E, 4k)

Mingjue isn’t sure he’s ever seen Xichen do anything other than treat the boy like a porcelain doll and it’s laughable to him, to think of Meng Yao as something breakable, instead of the sharp, deadly object he is.

Okay one last “Destroy Meng Yao” 3zun fic! Enjoy!

never as alive as we are right now by ThirtySixSaveFiles (3zun, E, 12k)

Three perspectives on three sworn brothers, at three different times in their relationship.

(Or, three times 3zun got it on and some of the feelings they had along the way.)

Wait actually I want to end the 3zun fics on this one because it has true Emotional Resolution at the end and I think they deserve a little healing.

BABY BOYS. BABIES. (THE JUNIORS)

A Civil Combpaign by Ariaste (Jin Ling/Lan Sizhui, T, 20k) ***

“And,” said one of the pompous ministers, “there’s the matter of a marriage to consider as well!”

Jin Ling, who at the beginning of that sentence had expected to slam into the very last wall of his patience and lose his temper entirely, paused. “A what?”

Thing was… it wasn’t such a bad idea.

A MUST-FUCKING-READ!!! Jin Ling gets it in his head that as sect leader he should get married and sets his sights on Lan Sizhui. I cannot stress enough how FUCKING CUTE this fic is!!! Sizhui being the best boy! Jin Ling having more uncles than he knows what to do with! Jiang Cheng being the worst at relationship advice! It’s so fucking good it love it so much.

Anyway, Here’s Wuji by kakikaeru (Lan Jingyi/Lan Sizhui, T, 18k)

The melody gets a little clearer when he breaks out of the trees, and Jingyi changes course with certainty, barreling down the back hill and through the Cloud Recesses, dodging scandalized disciples left and right. He throws open the doors to the Receiving Hall without announcement and bows nearly double, eyes on the floor instead of on the shocked faces of the Mei delegation and the impenetrable gaze of the Chief Cultivator.

"Forgive this disciple," Jingyi shouts, because he's going to get punished for rule breaking regardless. "From the back hill, Hanguang-jun, there is a song in the wind!"

Lan Jingyi comes of age.

A Jingyi-central fic about Jingyi growing up and falling in love and being a hero and being the second best boy of my heart right after Sizhui. Not only is this fic sweet and romantic but it’s another one that explores a lot of interesting things within canon and all of the supporting characters are written very well and are just as interesting as second best boy Jingyi.

Ok, JiuJiu by kakikaeru (Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen, T, 16k)

Uncle's jaw works in the way that suggests he's about to say something irredeemable. Jin Ling, in a move of diplomacy he hopes the Chief Cultivator appreciates, distracts him with spicy food and his favourite subject: the incompetence of his own officials.

"I hear the lakes in the south east are having drainage problems?" he asks nonchalantly, sticking three big slices of braised pork belly into his Uncle's bowl.

Jin Ling just wants to get through the Discussion Conference with his Sect, his dignity, and his heart intact.

A follow up fic to “Anyways, Here’s Wuji.” I LOVE the Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen dynamic of Jin Ling having been raised by Jiang “I keep all my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die” Cheng AND being hopelessly charmed and smitten with Ouyang “President of the I Love Love Romance Novel Book Club” Zizhen! I LOVE IT! EXTREMELY CUTE!

Lan Sizhui's Guide to Courtship by Kimblydot (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, T, 23k)

In which Jingyi is a little oblivious, Sizhui is patient (and should have said something in the beginning), and everyone else is resigned to watching them dance around each other for far longer than necessary.

(Or: five things Sizhui tries to do in his courtship, and the one time Jingyi realizes there was one happening in the first place.)

I’ll stop describing fics about the juniors as being “cute” when they stop being SO FUCKING CUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

His Merit All My Fear by violettressed (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, G, 16k)

It’s too late for any of Hanguang-Jun’s rabbits to be awake -- one of the sundown chores for young disciples is to herd them back into their hutch -- but the rabbit field is as good a spot as any for quality sulking, so Lan Jingyi makes his way there.

Someone has beat him to it.

Lan Jingyi stares at Hanguang-Jun. Hanguang-Jun stares passively back.

When Lan Sizhui is swept away with the Ghost General, off on a new adventure, Lan Jingyi is the one who returns to Cloud Recesses alone.

Not only another extremely cute Sizhui/Jingyi fic BUT one that includes a Wangji/Jingyi friendship??? Incroyable! *chefs kiss*

spirit running wild by idrilka (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, E, 17k)

He doesn’t know, exactly, when the friendship he shared with Sizhui over the years has changed into something that’s made Jingyi finally understand why Hanguang-Jun always wears that expression whenever he looks at Senior Wei. There hasn’t been one single moment that he can point to and say, yes, this is where it started, because the thing about falling in love with your best friend is that it happens gradually, until it’s impossible to tell which step has been the deciding one.

Jingyi goes to Baling with a crush.

Written by the same genius that wrote the first three fics I made you read so you know it’s good. Its truly the childhood best friends to lovers of it all! Sizhui is adorable and Jingyi is a mess! *muah!*

FAMILY FUN TIME (NO ROMANCE, JUST FEELS)

Grow by cafecliche (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, T, 14k)

“Okay,” Jingyi says, as Sizhui puzzles this out aloud. “Okay! So the demon has been turning its victims into children.”

“I think so,” Sizhui says.

“To make them easier prey,” Jingyi says.

“Yes,” Sizhui says.

“So—” Jingyi’s voice cracks here, “this kid is Senior Wei.”

Wei Wuxian, still tangled in his own massive robes, blinks politely at them.

(Or: Wei Wuxian is cursed on a night-hunt, and the junior quartet rapidly finds themselves in over their heads.)

What I expected to be a goofy, silly fic turned out to be extremely emotional and made me FULLY CRY! It’s a very moving fic about Sizhui coming to understand himself and Wei Wuxian a lot better AND features all of the juniors arguing over who’s turn it is to hold 6 year old Wei Wuxian. A true win/win of a fic.

To The Act of Making Noise by words-writ-in-starlight (Lan Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

His father in white plays the song late into the night, and when A-Yuan wakes up confused and afraid, the guqin lulls him back to sleep.

Lan Sizhui hears his father play the same song every night for his whole life, and never, ever get an answer.

Another very moving and heartwarming fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui and Sizhui figuring out Wangji’s past and then eventually reconnecting with Wei Wuxian. It’s cute and soft and Sizhui is my best boy!

History (Proud To Call Your Own) by words-writ-in-starlight (Wen Ning, G, 5k)

“A-Yuan? Um—Lan-gongzi,” Wen Ning corrects, trying to set a good example. The children are young, seven and eight, exactly a dozen of them lined up in two crisp lines of tiny blue and white robes. Wen Ning can feel them staring at him, even though most of them have already mastered that Lan trick of neutrality. The smallest, a little girl with liquid dark eyes, is clinging to her nearest shijie’s sleeve and half-hiding. “Can I—what can I do for you?”

Wen Ning gets himself recruited for services, while he and Sizhui are visiting Cloud Recesses. Wei Wuxian gets a fan club.

Set in the same universe as “To The Act of Making Noise,” a very cute fic about Wen Ning finding his place in the post-canon world and being proud of Sizhui and being the world’s best substitute teacher. As the official Wen Ning Fan Club President, I had to include this.

the stone-filled sea by yukla (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, T, 9k) ***

He forgets how quickly Wei-qianbei changes faces, sometimes. Like pulling a theater mask over a bruise—color over color, a diversion with the swipe of his hand.

Lan Sizhui navigates a world that hates his father, one endless wave at a time.

Oh man oh man. I will never get enough of the fics where Sizhui (and the rest of the juniors) get ANGRY on Wei Wuxian’s behalf!! That’s their dad and their teacher and their friend and they will DEFEND HIM!!! YEAH BAYBEEEEEEEEEE!!!

PICK & MIX (MISCELLANEOUS)

This Side of Paradise by greenfionn (Wei Wuxian/Wen Qing, E, 3k)

Wei Wuxian does some very quick math in his head that goes something like this: He is pretty sure he’s in love with Lan Zhan - Lan Zhan is not here and likely never will be here - Wen Qing is here, not to mention very hot and let us not forget, actually interested in sex with him - there’s a solid chance he goes genuinely crazy or dies, or both, in the next few months and really, who wants to die a virgin?

Listen.......the fic premise is “Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing, noted bisexuals, figure life sucks enough at the Burial Mounds, they might as well have any fun they can before they die” and........I Am Looking Directly At It. It features Wen Qing bossing Wei Wuxian around and Wei Wuxian’s canon he-wants-to-be-pregnant kink. It’s........I liked it.

palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss by iodhadh (Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen, M, 15k) ***

The realization strikes Song Lan like a bolt of lightning: Xiao Xingchen laughs, and he wants with a sudden, stunning desperation to kiss the mirth from his beautiful mouth. How, precisely, he is meant to manage that—that, he has no idea at all.

Or: introspective meditations on touch, trust, and the problem of desire.

I Am Baby and for some reason cannot handle how sad the entire Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen storyline ended up so I rarely read songchen fics, and when I do they’re always soft pre-canon fics like this one. Luckily there are some very beautiful and moving pre-canon songchen fics!!! I love you fandom!!

purpose and ritual by iodhadh (Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen, E, 8k)

Song Zichen has beautiful hands. He's a powerful swordsman, strong and skilled, unfairly impressive and unreasonably handsome. He is devoted and self-disciplined and he takes direction like a dream. And he doesn't touch people—no one at all, if he can help it, except for Xiao Xingchen.

The poets might call him a saint, but Xiao Xingchen is so very, very human.

More of the same :-)

born to sweet delight by la_dissonance (Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen, E, 10k)

Xiao Xingchen lightly jumps into the center of the pool, the water a shock that cools his sticky, heated skin, and does nothing for the heat building inside him. When he surfaces, pushing the hair out of his face, he finds Song Lan's gaze and meets it. Between them, everything goes both ways. What Song Lan will offer, Xiao Xingchen will freely give too.

Or, Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan meet, pledge their lives to each other, and then fall in love.

This is about the angstiest I will go for songchen and its still absolutely Baby Soft lmfao!!!!!!

Pin it down by rheawrites (Jiang Yanli/Jin Zixuan, Jin Zixuan/Nie Mingjue, E, 2k)

“Yanli, I did not lie on our wedding night. You are the only woman I have gone to bed with. But… there was a man.”

“Oh?” Yanli blinks up at him. She does not appear horrified, or betrayed, which is surely a good sign.

Jin Zixuan swallows. “It was Sect Leader Nie,” he says quickly, as though that will make it easier.

“…Oh,” says Yanli, and her eyes are dark.

-

Jin Zixuan tells his wife a war story. Or, two thousand words of Jin Zixuan getting railed.

Have you ever looked at Jin Zixuan and been like “I bet that mf likes getting PEGGED!!!!!!!!” Well here’s the fic for you. 

*YIBO VOICE* DIDI LOVES YOU! (YIZHAN RPF)

never really over by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 10k)

The thing is: it would be good to see Xiao Zhan again — if Yibo could just trust himself to be normal.

Author gdgdbaby is the yizhan master, so here are five of my personal favorites of their fics, starting with this post-filming reunion fic that was the first yizhan fic I ever read and HIT real good after having just finished the show myself.

pedagogy by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 17k) ***

Yibo opens his mouth and says, "I want to learn," barreling past the rapid rise of Xiao Zhan's eyebrows. "To last longer. Will you teach me?"

Quick-fire Yibo comes too easily and Xiao Zhan helps train him to last longer :-)

you’re the reason that i just can’t concentrate by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 10k)

Xiao Zhan hears about it from Yu Bin, which probably should've been the first warning sign.

Yibo was only 20 when they filmed the untamed, which lends itself perfectly to fics like this.

a truth so loud you can’t ignore by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 5k)

It's their last day of filming in Hengdian when the secret comes out.

If yibo has to be a fictional virgin than SO DOES XIAO ZHAN!

if you would only let you by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 32k) ***

"Well?" Yibo demands. Past the severe frown tugging at the corners of his mouth, a flicker of the old him slips through, the persistent boy who shoved his way into Xiao Zhan's space without a second thought and made a home for himself there. "Are you coming or not?"

Xiao Zhan's heart twists. He forcibly settles it back in his chest. He's only told Yibo no once in his entire life, and it was already the hardest thing he's ever had to do. "Okay," Xiao Zhan murmurs, quiet but decisive, and thumbs his phone off. "Let's go."

Like I said, all gdgdbaby fics are incredibly good, super well written, and very hot, but this one does stand out from the bunch for being a Full Epic Romance! This is one of Chi’s favorite fics so that should speak to it’s quality!

baby, who’s counting by nobirdstofly (Yizhan, E, 12k)

Xiao Zhan gasps, trying to rein in another peal of giggles. “What do I owe you anyway?”

Yibo shrugs one shoulder, and his smirk deepens. “Haven’t decided.”

Xiao Zhan’s still staring at him, laughter gone in his dry throat, when he hears someone yell for a reset. Yibo’s eyes are so, so dark, and he hasn’t stopped watching Xiao Zhan this whole time. Xiao Zhan swallows, nods, and pushes every dirty thought out of his head.

(Or: Yibo bets Xiao Zhan he'll break first during a take, Xiao Zhan loses, and it's all downhill from there.)

Ah sex bets, who doesn’t love sex bets!

Mystery Dance by mrsronweasley (Yizhan, E, 16k)

"That? That's your confession?" Yibo's toppled onto Xiao Zhan's side and is clutching his shoulder, trying not to fall over. "That's pathetic!"

"Oh, what, you can do better?" Zhuocheng is pretty flushed and there's a challenge in his voice that Yibo just can't walk away from.

"Hell yeah, I can. Hit me, Yu Bin." Yu Bin cheers and refills Yibo's shot glass. "All right!" Yibo downs the shot, gags only slightly, and says, "Everyone! I'm a fucking virgin!"

WHAT’S better than a Yibo virgin fic? A SECOND YIBO VIRGIN FIC!

This author also writes extremely good yizhan threesomes so here’s three of them!

Some Nights by mrsronweasley (Yizhan/Xuan Lu (Jiang Yanli), E, 2k)

Xuan Lu opened her legs to him and Xiao Zhan wasted no time diving in. He pressed his mouth against her pussy, licking her out steadily as her thighs trembled around him. She was nestled between Yibo's legs and if Xiao Zhan looked up, not only could he see the planes of her body, her small breasts going up and down with her breathing, ribs expanding, her tipped back head and open mouth, but Yibo, gaze boring into Xiao Zhan's as he ate Xuan Lu out.

The entire cast is hot and there is no reason they shouldn’t ALL fuck! Not one reason!!!!!!

gege loves you by mrsronweasley (Yizhan/Wang Zhuocheng (Jiang Cheng)), E, 7k)

"We are very sorry," Xiao Zhan murmured as he unbuttoned Zhuocheng's jeans while Yibo kissed his ear, "for how we've been acting."

"Is this how you apologize to everyone," Zhuocheng panted, hands already going for his zipper to help Xiao Zhan along, "or am I special?"

WHEW LORD!!!!!!!!! WHEW!!!!!!!

Talking in the Dark by mrsronweasley (Yizhan (Side Xiao Zhan/M/F), E, 14k)

Xiao Zhan has a light-hearted romp of a threeway with some friends, then makes the mistake of telling Yibo. It goes down.

A non-yizhan threesome BUT features jealous!yibo which is a ton of fun.

Finally, a couple AUs!

With Joy and Purpose by feenwitch (Yizhan, E, 30k) ***

Yibo has been alone for approximately five Earth years when Xiao Zhan crash lands on his planet.

YIZHAN ANDROID AU!!!!!!!! This is a very star trek-esque universe which is fun, but the fic itself is also CRAZY interesting and moving and beautiful!!!!!!!!! It’s A LOT! This was a rec from Nina, so thank you Nina!

Bound With a Same-Heart Knot by mrsronweasley (Yizhan, E, 59k)

London, 1892. Xiao Zhan, a promising young attache at the Chinese embassy is tasked with showing the new ambassador's son Wang Yibo around London. The inevitable happens.

Victorian AU! I actually think you already read this, but included for posterity.

AND SCENE! This is the result of two months of daily fic reading, having 50 tabs of fic open at any given time, reading truly anything and everything, and Loving The Untamed. I’m SO EXCITED you’re diving into fic for this show and I can’t wait to talk to you about all of them and to have someone to scream with! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

[phandomphightclub]

Round 1 Match 5:  @whosvladagain vs. @kinglazrus

Writer: @ma-tsu-the-male-goddess

With all the chaos that has been going on recently, Matsu felt that it might be time to take a few steps back. She starts the commentary at a near-whisper, reminiscent of the golf announcers that are always narrating in her head. 

“We start off match 5 with a very special treat; a nunnery will be providing some background music for the rest of the evening. Over in the corner we can see the ghost nuns standing in choir section of the stands. Thank you, nuns.” It really is lovely to listen too. Such a shame that people don’t normally enjoy the sound of nails on a chalkboard. A ghost with some… questionable… fashion choices walks up to the bottom of the choir section.

“It looks like our first contender is speaking to the nuns. @whosvladagain, I’m sure you’ll phight with them in mind and show off your appreciation.” Donatello looks up at her name and gives Matsu an odd look; perhaps that wasn’t what they were talking about.

“Phighting against the totally-not-a-ninja-turtle is our wonderful @kinglazrus, all the way from Nightmare Valley. Thanks for joining us.” A knock at the (newly-repaired) door drags Matsu’s attention away from the stadium. Tali is at the door, holding a large box and looking very suspicious. Their eyes are blood-red.

“Oh, it seems I have a fellow announcer joining me up here, pholks. Tali, what can I—”  There’s a huge crash, and the sounds of a violent scuffle. Matsu’s voice is noticeably louder and panicked. “Phriends, Tali is acting very strange. I would have thought she would be down in the stands, waiting to watch the match, but she just attacked me! At the moment she is fiddling with the air circulation system, but I cannot leave my station to try to stop her. As it is, ghosts do not have to breathe, anyway. I’m sure everyone will be perfectly fine.”

Down below, Laz is staring up at the box, eyes glowing an eerie red. Something is definitely going on. On the other side, Donatello seems to have selected 2 of the nuns and attached them to a long metal chain. She has leapt up into the air and begun spinning them intensely. As she approaches Laz, alarms begin to blare.

“Everyone, a strange gas is seeping into the arena, what could this be? Tali? What are you doing?!” Tali looks up and shakes herself. She seems confused. The insane red in her eyes is gone. A sniffling has started up around the arena.

Donatello is obviously having trouble seeing; tears are running down her phace. She can’t see where to aim her nunchucks. There’s a smile on Laz’s lips. 

“What’s wrong? Can’t handle a little onion gas?” The grinning ghost steps forward and whacks Donatello with her inflatable sword. The ghost crashes down and her nunchucks fly off.

“Donatello cannot continue; congratulations on your win Laz!” Matsu turns to Tali for a moment; an explanation instantly appears in her brain. “And to the referees down on the ground, it seems this was a ploy by Laz to begin with. Mind control is not against the rules, so don’t worry about it.” Matsu side-eyes Tali.

“Perhaps next time, Tali will be a little sneakier when she goes to wish a phighter luck. Donatello’s opponent certainly wasn’t happy about it.”