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blu3berry4non · 18 days ago

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I tried to but I can't really express what I mean since I'm not English. (Edit: Well, I'm fluent in English, but I remember I was really tired at that moment so my brain was already in jumbles.) I think I also offended someone because of that. I wanted to be smooth, trying to use the words that might make them relate though it wasn't worded the way I meant it. And I didn't even have the time to fully explain myself without getting a cold shoulder. THIS WAS REALLY HARD ON ME, PEOPLE. I'm just really bad with interacting with people and since this incident I've been scared to interact with people online, too. Imagine getting so insecure to the point of trying to make friends online triggers your social anxiety, haha! I'm just socially awkward and I was trying to make people like me by acting tough and cool… I guess bloody tampons are a sensitive topic? Like women menstruate? Is that so bad? Is nature, how it has been going since, what, 10000b.c too much for you? You know what? Whatever. I could ramble about how shitty things have been and how this all came to be the way it is now. I'm done pretending like I'm the one being at fault whilst I STILL DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG. (Edit: Was angry.)

I'm a voluntary swimming teacher for children between 5-12 and we had a mandatory schooling on how to do it when you find yourself in this or that situation. I had my period. My period came very inconveniently in contrast to that mandatory schooling, and so it was my first time using a tampon. When I was done, me and my childhood friend from when I was 2 (24y/o, female) were in the dressing stalls (she had recommended me to work for her and her crew, which I accepted after the trials), and I couldn't place my tampon anywhere without leaving smudges. I saw this hook on the wall where you could hang your clothes on, and hung my tampon with the string there. It's not normal to do that so I was laughing so dryly at it for like a half hour straight. My childhood friend was enjoying my reaction from her stall, too. I took a picture because the way it just hung there on a hook that was made for hanging clothes NOT tampons was so silly and so funny to me. It was new and funny to me. And I like to share my silly and funny experiences solely to talk about it and how much of a weird goober I am. In this case, I wasn't expressive enough, apparently, because people started dropping out of the servers and blocking me all of a sudden. (Edit: GUYS I think FR I'm schizophrenic, my mind filled in the gaps I forgot. I CLEARLY remember writing a thorough explanation, but I DIDN'T. It happened yesterday, too. I was packing my bag for school and I thought I had packed my German book since I had looked at it and read the words 'Neue Kontakte' (name of the method we use), I turned my room upside down to find my Dutch book, couldn't find it. (Which I later on the day found out was the German book I initially thought was in my bag) and the German book was the book I left at home (apparently, I CLEARLY REMEMBER PACKING IT.) I might have schizophrenia or I'm suffering from early dementia… This is the third time this happened to me. (EDIT TO THE EDIT: I JUST FOUND OUT THOSE ARE CALLED PSEUDO-MEMORIES AND I'M READING AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT SO I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET RID OF THESE WEIRDASS MEMORIES. (Edit to another edit's edit: I have hallucinations and pseudo-memories. Diagnosed myself; daughter of a psychologist. (can't exactly say for sure but I am trippin over here, that's certain.))

I mean, how bad at expressing could I be mess this up? I was stressing waaaay too much because I knew I had made someone uncomfortable. And this person below wasn't even one of the people I sent that image to, so I freaked out when I read that. Those were the only words I could come up with after experiencing TWICE an anxiety attack on the same day. (Edit: Feeling the lingering anxiety rn, but I'm a blunt, quite impulsive bitch so I couldn't left this feeling unnoticed without making things clear for people.) :

"I'm a little autistic about it." I meant that I'm quite oblivious to boundaries, I just cannot see them for unknown reasons. My mom is a psychologist, she had told me that people with ASD often can't read the situation. It isn't the best explanation, that I'm aware, but… I was trying to find common grounds to make explaining things easier… I couldn't even think clear, let alone come up with a decent response, because I was panicking, panicking, panicking, and once again, PANICKING. I was about to say I was sorry when… Blocked. Yeah, I could kiss my chances goodbye. At that point I just felt hollow, numb even. (Edit: this is what I meant with 'offending someone'.)

I was panicking. Like really, severely panicking. This person was the only person to talk to me normally and not block me… So I tried closing everything off to calm down and come back later to explain myself… Or so I thought.

Yeah, that was when it didn't sit right with me anymore and called it quits. The last straw, you could say.

I'm sorry for ranting and venting but I've just about had it. I really enjoy being interactive with people as Blueberry Anon, but it's been such a mental drain that I'm fucking up my school career. I'm so tired of being excluded solely because I'm bad at expressing whatever I am, and fitting into… Whatever 'society' means. Big 'go cry about it' moment rn, guys.

And now I announce, with a big sigh, the conclusion: I'm just silly, guys. Silly, inexpressive, and someone who just wants to be a fun person. Not someone who has to run away for something as trivial as this. Seriously. (I can't exactly say run, though. If my reaction follows the flee, fight, freeze and fawn psychology… I would be ostrich.)

Then again, sorry for the long text! Sorry for venting. Sorry for being angry, pathetic, being silly even. Sorry for the inconvenience. And I'm especially sorry for being me!

(My laptop crashed and I was so scared this wasn't saved because I SPENT MORE THAN AN HOUR ON THIS WHILE I SHOULD BE STUDYING. The stress of it all, guys, the stress of it all. T⋏T)

this is a gift for @blu3berry4non, (for some reason it wouldn’t let me send it in their inbox??????) but yea…

Sorry this took so long :(

#I'm not sure if I should be sad #angry #or fucking laughing at how pathetic this situation is #I'm done hiding the fact that people got uncomfortable over the fact I showed them a fucking bloody tampon like grow up it aint like #the world has come to an end.#I'm just silly and I thought it was silly #and i'm sorry you're so sensitive #RAAGGHH this sudden surge of anger hit me #lawd save me #(This is after I wrote all the tags #I'm sorry for lashing out #I was feeling a little emotional. ^^")#Self-deprecation go brrr

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medicbrainrot · 2 years ago

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long is the road outta hell into misery (divinity, part 1)

No matter how well a plan is made, no matter how much preparation goes into briefings and gear checks, no matter how much training is done, sometimes all hell breaks loose, and the inevitable happens: the mission goes sideways.

Task Force 141 had been sent on a mission to seize intel from servers on an enemy base. They had been split up into teams to search for the information and load it onto flash drives before making a clean exfil. But alas, life doesn’t always go as planned. The smaller teams were effective for infiltration, but it also meant that they were more vulnerable to being cornered by the enemy.

Ghost and Jaguar had been sent to one side of the base, but as they were getting ready to leave for the RV point for exfil, they got separated.

Ghost was almost frantic, searching their side of the base for Jaguar, determined to not leave her behind, when he heard a piercing scream that he immediately knew meant she’d been captured.

He ran down a few hallways following where he thought the scream had come from, and as he rounded the corner, what he saw made his blood run cold.

Artemis, one of the bright spots of sun in Simon’s life, was being held at knife point by an enemy soldier.

Ghost’s voice was quiet, but laced with firm, intense anger. “Let her go.”

“Ghost, it’s okay.” Jaguar pleads, a note of strain in her voice. “Don’t give them the flash drive.”

Ghost looked past her and to the soldier behind her. “You’re a dead man walking, pal. It’s the way it goes.” His voice was sharp, his hands level as he prepared to shoot. “You either let her go, or I kill you and you still let her go.” He growls, his pistol aimed firmly in their direction.

“How are you so sure you won’t hit her too!?” The soldier sneers, pressing the knife firmly against Jaguar’s throat, causing her to flinch.

“What makes you think I’ll miss?” Ghost hisses, his anger fueled by his concern for Jaguar. He was ready for anything, he would do anything, to make sure that Artemis got out of this alive. “Now let. Her. Go.”

The soldier presses the knife tighter against Jaguar’s throat, causing a thin line of blood to appear.

“You need to get out of here.” Artemis whimpers. “We’re running out of time.”

Ghost’s breath came sharply through his teeth, the pistol in his hand starting to shake. “Don’t give me orders, Jaguar.” He hissed at the soldier. “If you kill her, I’ll make sure you have a slow, painful death.” He vows. “Do you understand me?” He readjusted his grip on the pistol. There was a 50/50 chance this would go the way he wanted it to, but they were running out of time and options.

“The longer I hold you here, the higher the chance I have of reinforcements showing up.” The soldier says. “And like your little girlfriend said, you’re running out of time.”

“You are making every wrong decision here, asshole. Either drop the knife and walk away, or I’ll kill you. There is no third option.” Ghost said firmly, not a hint of emotion present in his voice.

“I think we both know at least one of us isn’t walking away from this.” The soldier huffs a laugh, tilting the flat side of the knife inwards, further opening the wound on Jaguar’s throat.

Ghost’s hands flexed around the pistol as he adjusted his grip. “Last chance.” He said, in a voice that could’ve made ice run through anyone’s veins.

“Fuck you.” The soldier stated, pressing the knife deeper.

Ghost’s voice was completely devoid of emotion. “You’ve made your choice.” He fired a single shot, causing the sound to ring through the surrounding walls.

As soon as the bullet connected with the enemy soldier, both he and Jaguar dropped to the ground. Jaguar fell to her hands and knees, coughing slightly as blood dripped from the knife wound.

“Fuck.” Simon said, the edge in his voice softening. “Artemis. You’re going to be okay. I’ve got you.”

He pulls her close, helping her grab kerlix and saline from her med kit to flush and bandage the wound on her throat.

“This will sting.” He warns as he cleans her throat. “Hold still, okay?”

She nods silently as he tends to her, a stray tear making its way down her face.

“Did he hurt you anywhere else?” He asks her gently, ignoring the cooling body lying on the floor not too far from them. He began to check her over, gently tending to her. “Does anything else hurt?” He asks softly.

“No, it was just the knife.” She answers.

He nods. “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this.” Simon promises.

“Alright, you should be good for now. Let me know if you start getting lightheaded.” He says as he finishes bandaging her.

Artemis gives him a soft smile. “You might just replace me as the medic.”

“Never.” He replies, a small smile forming under his mask. “Just breathe, you’re okay.” He opens a water bottle and hands it to her.

“We need to meet up with the rest of the team.” She says as she takes a few careful sips of the water.

Ghost nodded. “I agree.” He looked around the room as he put the medical supplies away. “Can you stand?”

“I’m okay.” Jaguar nods. “Just a little shaken.”

Ghost nods again, taking her arm. “It’s not every day you have a knife held to your throat.” He helped Jaguar to her feet, supporting her by the waist as she stood back up. “Just take it slow and steady.”

“Yeah.” She says quietly.

Ghost’s gaze was steady as they prepared to move forward. He glanced behind them, seeing the soldier he’d killed, lying face down in a pool of his own blood.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.” His voice is quiet, laced with guilt. “If I had been here sooner, then…” He trails off. “I hope you can forgive me.”

“It’s my fault.” Jaguar shakes her head. “I didn’t clear the room fast enough, and he cornered me.”

“Don’t blame yourself. We both made mistakes, but we’re both here. That’s what matters.” He looks down at her, placing a hand under her chin before pressing a kiss to the top of her head through his mask. “Come on, let’s get back to the others.”

As they approach to meet up with the rest of the team, Soap’s eyes widen when he sees the bandages around Jaguar’s throat. “What happened?” He asks.

Ghost looks between Jaguar and Soap. “A little misunderstanding with a knife. She’s fine now.”

He looked back at Jaguar, keeping a close eye on her. She was tough, but everyone has a limit. Simon just hopes she’ll be okay.

“Bastard cornered me.” Jaguar explains. “But I guess my scream carried far enough, Ghost heard me.”

“I wish I had been faster.” Simon says softly to her, a note of sadness in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.” She confirms, gently tugging a strap on Simon’s vest. “I’m okay.”

Simon caught the tug, looking down at her hands. “Is something wrong?” He asks, voice gentle as he lets her tug the strap.

“No, just fidgeting.” Artemis says, shaking her head.

“If you say so.” Ghost replied. His eyes were soft as he looked at her. He placed a finger under her chin, tilting her head up to look at him. “Are you ready to finish the objective?”

“Yeah, let’s finish this.” Jaguar said firmly, looking him in the eye.

Ghost nodded, steeling his nerves before turning back to the rest of the Task Force. “We’ve made it this far, we’re almost there. Let’s get this done.”

As they approached the exit, he spoke up. “Everyone stay alert. We still have enemies out here.”

They finished the rest of the mission with no issues, finding a few more key pieces of intel before crashing the enemy servers.

As soon as the mission was declared completed, they started the exfil process. Jaguar went back and forth between the soldiers, attending to any wounds they acquired throughout the mission. Ghost kept an eye on her, letting out a sigh of relief when exfil came.

He had been suppressing his emotions the entire mission, and was reaching a point where he wouldn’t be able to for much longer.

One the way back to base, Simon sat next to Artemis, trying to gauge how she was doing. “Are you alright?” He asked softly.

“I’m okay.” She nods.

“Good, I’m glad.” He says, a small smile crossing his face.

When they arrive back to base, Jaguar grabs her med kit in preparation for debriefing before heading to the med bay to restock and help with any casualties.

“Jaguar, wait.” Ghost calls to her. “I’ll come find you when you’re done and walk you back to the barracks.”

“Alright.” She smiles gently at him.

When Artemis was done in the med bay, Simon was waiting for her just outside, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

He held out his arm for her to take, and they started walking over to the barracks together. “Stay close, okay?” He said. Simon had something important to tell her, but he wanted to make sure they were alone before saying anything.

“Okay.” She said, wrapping her hands around his outstretched arm.

Simon looked around before opening the door to his barracks room, gently closing the door behind them, sliding his mask off as he does so.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you, Artemis.” He started quietly, avoiding eye contact as he spoke. It was obvious he was a little uncomfortable with what he wanted to say, but he pressed onward.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “I care about you…a lot. In a way I’ve never felt about anyone before…I…I love you.”

Her eyes widen in surprise, but a smile crosses her face, a faint blush accompanying the smile. “You…you love me?”

His eyes meet hers for the first time since he started speaking. He nodded once, holding eye contact. “You heard right.” He smiled. “I love you.”

Simon knew he hadn’t been this emotionally vulnerable in a long time. He had never admitted feelings like this before, much less out loud to someone else. But he knew he needed to tell her, especially after what had happened today.

“I love you too.” She replied softly as she carefully wound her arms around him, being mindful of the bandages on her throat.

Simon wrapped his arms gently around her, pulling her into a strong, secure hug.

He kissed the top of her head, a wide smile splitting his face. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to tell you that.” He whispers.

“Probably about as long as I’ve been wanting to tell you.” She giggles softly.

He let out an emotionally charged sigh, before laughing. “Then we’re both a pair of idiots, aren’t we?”

It was amazing how quickly things could go from horrible to perfect.

“Maybe.” She laughs as well. “But that makes me your idiot.”

Simon let out another amused laugh, before pulling away slightly so he could press his lips to hers. “Well then maybe I’m your idiot too.” He smiles into the kiss, his arms tightening around Artemis slightly.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated!

Masterlist

#simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley x oc #hurt/comfort #cod mw2 #i just want someone willing to do whatever it takes to protect me #get you a man who will hear you scream and come running to save you #lawd have merthy #i kinda cheated on the song for this one #i had two playing #'rest in peace' by dorothy #and #'the summoning' by sleep token #idc #its my fic ill write how i want #also stay tuned for a part 2 #there's more

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