#lavellan just going on a quick visit to go see dorian

[crabs-with-sticks]

Trick Q+A on the solavellan ending

Haven't seen this going around much, I'm guessing because it was originally posted when everybody had their veilguard spoiler defenses up. But I did find it interesting.

Trick is answering some questions over on Bluesky and here are the questions and answers decoded from the rot13 cipher. Hopefully this provides more clarity and eases people's anxieties here and we can move forward in a more positive light with discussions: Q: Will where Solas and Inky end up in the Fade be strictly regret-themed or will her joining and their love influence it into something a bit less bleak (hence the specific elven phrasing)? rooting for my girl not to be in fade jail A: She's speaking both romantically and literally. It won't be terrible if they're in there together. Q: In the Solavellan ending, it says that Solas is Lavellan's true love. I know you've said she represents his future, but do you think she's his true love also? A: Yes. We framed it the way we did because the Inquisitor was your character last game, and because some people, we imagined, were doing this to give the Inquisitor the happy ever after she deserved, not Solas. Q: Did solas just Fade-mail it to her and it appeared? A: Inky and Morrigan have their ways. Q: Could you please tell us, if it is possible, why it was only Mythal's words that allowed Solas to stop this train of endless regrets from rolling into the abyss? I'm sorry, but it seemed too easy to me after so many centuries. Perhaps I don't understand the core of their relationship. A: That's what he needed to hear. Not because he loved Mythal more, but because she was the reason everything went wrong. She, the past, tells him to let go of all the mistakes of the past. And then the Inquisitor he wanted to be with is there to show him a better future. Q: Does Solas love Lavellan as much as he loves Mythal? I know Mythal is kinda all things to him- leader, oldest friend, maybe lover, and that's hard to overcome. On the other hand, his love for Lavellan seems less all-consuming, but purer. Anyway, love to hear your thoughts! A: Mythal is his past, where he made terrible mistakes. A romanced Lavellan is a bright future he doesn't think he deserves until he fixes all of those past mistakes. Q: When Solas tells Lavellan that the place he is going is terrible, where exactly sre they going? Back to the regret prison or somewhere else? A: The implication is that he's going back to the prison, and now that he'll be working to try to heal the blight while he's there.

Source (its to a reddit thread not the actual original quotes, and I'm going to trust that they did their due diligence because I don't have the energy to do it myself lol)

[galadrieljones]

Happy SatFriday, or DADWC day :) I propose... Haunted Forest, folded letter, and exhausted

Thank you for the prompt!! This is another addition to my post-Trespasser/pre-Veilguard stories for Sene Lavellan. Solas is getting closer, every day. Finally, she encounters him in the Fade...

Solavellan ❤️ 1500 words ❤️ Mature

MASTERPOST

Incredulous

Sene tip-toed past the river bank, which was frozen into a crust. She wore winter furs. She had not hunted them herself. In fact, they had been gifts from Dorian. Tall, white arctic bears. He'd commissioned them himself and sent them as a gift via courier. To My Redheaded Friend, he'd written on a piece of heavy parchment. These furs were crafted by the finest trapper in all of Tevinter. I have a feeling they will go splendidly with your magnificent hair. May they keep you warm until next I see you. Which had better be soon. I'm very bored. Yours, Dorian.

It was cold, a dead season in the Frostbacks, and she was just outside of Haven, had hiked up the mountain over the past two days. Why had she come here? She didn't know. She just felt like it. She set up camp near the old gates, in the barracks where Thom Rainier had used to sleep. She lit a fire in the hearth, and it was enough to warm her. There were woods nearby, which had overgrown in the Inquisition's absence with coniferous trees, monsters that could blot out the sky. It was where she later planned to hunt her supper, but not now. For now, she was exhausted.

She had come back to Haven twice before, once with Abelas, right at the beginning of their love, when he was curious, and he wanted relics of her old life without him, and once with Ameridan, who had been simply bored, and who she hadn't seen now in more than four months. Their last dalliance had been at the Winter Palace. Along with the Commander and Josephine with Thom, hey had attended a ball there at the behest of Empress Celene who found their coupling curious. They boarded together in a great room at the corner of the castle on a high floor, and they enjoyed the view as well as the wine, one another's company, and they fucked merrily as they had many times over the years prior. On again, off again. When they said goodbye, something about it felt definitive this time. He was headed to the Anderfels. What's there? she had asked him. He had kissed her, charming and silver, and he said, I don't know, lethal'lan. Much hardship, I'm sure. And they smiled.

She could have asked to go with him. He would have taken her, but he hadn't asked, and it wasn't what she wanted to do anyway. So instead, she went home to her clan's farm in the Free Marches. She stayed there for two months, helping her father organize the archives and helping her her mother bottle the wine, and then she went back to Skyhold to visit with Sera and Dagna, and to take care of some business with the Inquisition. Now she was alone, here in Haven, thinking about the past. She still loved this place. She warmed her hands to the fire and drank some brandy from a leather flask. She thought quite a bit about Ameridan, and how she could have loved him. It was a nice fantasy, and she missed him a little, but Ameridan was very far gone in some ways. Even beyond the Anderfels. No matter how they carried on, he seemed to have no intention of falling in love with her or anyone else. His heart was still stitched to Telana's, across centuries. Sene didn't blame him. She understood him. In this way, she knew it would never work.

A little while later after the sun went down over the mountain, Sene went outside to go hunting in the woods. The snow was crunchy. She made a habit of stepping into animal tracks and depressions left by logs and other things. It dampened her footsteps. She made quick work of a wild turkey, which took her no more than twenty minutes to track and to shoot. She'd eat what she could and cure the rest. With the bird tied off at the feet, hanging over her shoulder, she began to head homeward. She could hear the call of the owl and as the moon rose, the howling of one solemn wolf, very nearby. She stopped, standing perfectly still on the trail. She set down the turkey and took her bow off her back and then she nocked a single arrow. There was a cold wind, and with it the sounds of haunted whispers, which raised the hairs on the back of her neck, and suddenly, she knew she wasn't alone. She spun around with her arrow aimed high, right at the throat.

It was Solas.

She dropped the bow immediately. He was just standing there, wearing simple garments. A dark jacket with a high collar, and he had his hands in his pockets. He watched her, pensive and very concerned. He looked so good. She nearly dropped to her knees. But she didn't. She looked around instead, at the pines and the snow, hearing the animal sounds.

"Are you real?" she said to him. "Or is this a dream?"

"It is a dream," said Solas.

"It feels so real."

"I am near," he said. "That is why."

"You're near?" she said. "Where are you?"

"Don't worry about it, Sene."

"Why not?"

"Soon, it will be time. But not yet."

"Thom gave me your letter," she said. She pulled the folded piece of parchment from the satchel at her hip. She showed it to him. "In the Hinterlands, one month ago. You sent it from Tevinter?"

"I am grateful to Thom," said Solas. "I felt you here, at Haven. I wanted to see you. I don't know what you've heard, about the ritual, and Tevinter."

"In the letter, you said you still love me. Is that true?"

Solas hardened his jaw. He still did not remove his hands from his pockets. "It is always true."

She took a step closer to him. "It feels different now. I can sense it, too. How close."

"If this could be over," he said, "and if I came back—"

"I am not who I used to be," she interrupted. The snow began to fall. Little snowflakes clinging to his jacket, his broad shoulders. She was close enough to touch him, but she didn't.

"I know that," he said. "I know everything, vhenan."

"Everything?" she said. This made her nervous. She didn't know why. It wasn't like her. They'd met in the Fade before, many times since he'd gone. At first, she wanted to kill him, but over time, that changed. As she changed. She should have known. "What do you know."

He took a deep breath and looked down at his boots. He just looked like a man there. He didn't look like a god. "I know about Abelas," he said. "And Ameridan. When I learned Ameridan was alive, I was shocked, naturally. I had heard of your valor in the Frostback Basin. You and Abelas. I had to see the man for myself, so I went in the Fade. I saw him at a tavern. And with him, I saw you. Laughing, with your great big hair. Imagine my surprise." He smiled, in earnest.

She didn't feel embarrassed, but she did feel guilty. She knew this was irrational. "Why didn't you say anything? I had seen you in Fade."

"It didn't matter. It's your life, not mine. I couldn't give you what you needed."

"I wasn't trying to hurt you," she said. "It was never about you, with either of them. I just wanted to feel like a person."

"It's been ten years, vhenan," he said, as if hanging on for his dear life. "I have no claim over you anymore."

"I hated you for so long," said Sene.

"I remember."

"Abelas felt the brunt of that. Ameridan, in some ways, he is so much like me. He's helped me figure out the truth."

"What is the truth?"

"That I still love you," she said, holding out the letter to him. He took it, like he was compelled to. Their hands did not touch.

"You do?"

"I can't stop. It is my destiny. For this, Ameridan and I can never be together, at least not seriously. He loves a dead dreamer, same as me."

"I am not dead, vhenan."

"You might as well be," she said, shaking her head. She felt cold and filled with her regular and ongoing winter exhaustion without him. "You are not here. We meet only in dreams. You might as well be a ghost."

Now, he took his hands out of his pockets. He was wearing dark gloves, which he removed and dropped to the earth. Then he took one step closer, and he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I have not come back, because I live in fear that you will not see me. I left you. I left us both behind that day. When I saw you again, years later, and you learned the truth, it was so...fraught. We have never discussed it."

"That is the past," she said. "I know who you are."

"I used to have a reason, Sene, but now that reason is...just gone. There is still much to be done, but I no longer need to be alone. It has been so long. I thought perhaps you had moved on. I know it sounds cliche, but I just wanted you to be happy."

"I am," she said. "I'm fine. I am not like other people, Solas, but I am not alone. I have friends, and it's taken me many years, but I'm fine. I don't know what else to say."

"You are not in love with Ameridan?"

"No," said Sene. "Though I thought about it."

He smirked, perhaps stunned. "You thought about it?"

"What it might be like, yes. I even wanted it, at one point. I believe it's over now, but we were on and off for many years."

She felt a shaking in her heart. He was still touching her neck, right where it met her jaw. He seemed to be studying the exact same spot of her skin. She wanted badly to defy him, but what was the point?

"It feels like you're here," she said. They could see their breath. "Are you sure you're not here?"

He kissed her, calmly. It seemed to last forever, like the first time. The same place. But it was much less cold then, and now, they were older. When they parted, she became a puddle in the frozen earth.

"Solas—"

"When you awaken," said Solas, "it will not be long. Vhenan." He smiled wearily and snapped his fingers once.

She woke up in the barracks, which she had never left. She had curled into her furs beside the lit hearth and fallen asleep. Now, she looked down at her freckled right arm and her strange left arm, which still itched from time to time, and still glowed with the old restorative magics wrought by Dorian and Dagna. She touched the place on her neck that Solas had touched and she touched her fingers to her lips. She got to her feet. She went outside where it was freezing, not wearing her furs, wearing only her cotton under things, and she gazed up at the moon, which was full as an eye, and then into the mouth of the haunted woods. She was incredulous.

"What the fuck," she whispered.

@dadrunkwriting

[fenharel-babe]

A quick ramble of Papae Solas:

In my canon, Solas meets my Lavellan 3 times in total after DAI and it all ends in sex (ofc it does bc Bloom has NEVER had it before him and she’s in love with him sm and he’s a weak weak man). The first time is like 3 years after Trespasser, the second is about a year after that (he needed more) and then the third time is about a year BEFORE DATV.

It’s all sad and angsty the third time bc she KNOWS He’s going to do something from the way he’s acting and she’s just enjoying it the best she can without worrying about anything.

But rn I’m thinking about something. I believe in DA, because it’s a magic world, there could be a spell similar to birth control, like something that would stop pregnancy. I imagine that they use that spell each time instead of a condom (since they never know when they’re going to meet and Bloom never thinks about it bc he assures her he uses the spell) but….this time…the spell breaks. He uses it because he’s so cautious and so is she.

But he’s so upset and focused on losing himself in her and his magic is a little drained from all his work that…the spell breaks as soon as they both orgasm. He doesn’t realize it, but *she* does. She knows it broke, and she had a good feeling of what would happen. Instead of freaking out (at least out loud) and telling him, she kept it a secret from him and made sure none of his agents, enemies, or her past enemies (since she disbanded the inquisition) knew about this pregnancy.

The only people she told were a few of her family (the inquisition members that are close to her and her family from the Circle and such) members. Her brother being the first and then…DORIAN!!! She knew that man would be upset if he wasn’t one of the first people she told lmao. But ANYWAYS!!!! She freaks out and she’s, like, genuinely nervous and afraid. She has a human son, BUT he was adopted when she was in Kirkwall (before inquisition). So….shes never given birth before and it’s frightening, but she pushes through it all.

Solas NEVER knows. He has 0 idea about this pregnancy and that his love is literally carrying their children. He stops seeing her because he needs to focus on his mission, so she feels lonely and emotional though she understands. She never told him, so why would he visit? Once the twins are born, she raises them with her family the best she can. She gives them so much love, just like the others do. Even if they don’t understand her truly, she always says that their father would love them, that he *will* love them. She knows she’ll save him and that everything will be okay. At least she keeps telling herself that anyways.

So they’re literally only a few months old when DATV happens, but she will STILL go to that man to yell at him and talk to him and make him be safe and happy even tho she literally just gave birth a few months ago. Doesn’t matter. She’ll push through it, she’s survived worse. But yeah when she finally arrives and they get Solas, she eventually pulls him aside and tells him she needs to show him something, and when he says they’re all busy (the usual excuse he uses when he’s afraid to confront something) she basically says “NO. WE ARE FACING THIS NOW” and he listens. She’s never really yelled like she would at this time, so he knows it’s serious. He follows her through an eluvian to Joseph’s (her brother) and Cassandra’s home (they got together in my canon :)) and she shows him the twins.

He feels like he’s in a trap. Like he got slapped in the face, punched in the stomach, or even stabbed. It’s just…what? She had twins? And they’re his too? He has so many questions, but he goes quiet when she asks him softly “…Do you want to hold one of them? I want them to see your face. Please.”

And he holds one at a time. What else could he say? Deny her this little request? He wants to see them, hold them, love them, and he *does*. Even if it’s a quick moment, he holds them close and whispers his love for them and his apologizes and sorrow. He feels even MORE guilt towards Bloom since she dealt with this without him, but she doesn’t blame him since she never told him. She just says “This is another reason to keep fighting. *This* is why I’m so desperate to help Solas, and why I want to save you. I love you, and I can’t let you leave *us*.”

‘Us’ no longer means her family, but now THEIR FAMILY. And he fights harder because he doesn’t just have his love to return to, he has his own children to protect and live for. He can’t abandon them now that he knows they exist. He can’t, and he won’t as long as he has breath in his lungs.

At the end of the battles, they live. Solas and her manage to live together, making sure to hash out all their issues and deal with them together, and raise their kids with such love. Bloom makes sure to pay attention to Cameron (her human son), too, don’t get me wrong. She makes sure *all* her kids know she loves them with everything in her. And Solas does the same, making sure their kids (and Cam too even if he never sees him as his actual dad since he’s a teenager by the time Solas meets him) know he loves them more than anything.

[ever-fics]

Regarding recent news...

The last Exchange they had was awkward to say the least. To say it was laden with hurt and guilt would be an understatement. Especially when he had figured out Lavellan saw through his disguise. There was nothing said nothing to be said. Just lining stares and almost uttered words. Yet none passed the tip of the tounge.

He hoped quietly the inquisitor could truely end this... he hoped Lavellan could stop him. That there was another way.At the same Solas couldn’t be dissuaded he had said that when last they met in person.

The army in which he had amassed was awkward in words yet elegant in battle. So when they asked what their Lord Fenharel would have them do....

He told them simply to do what it took to stop Lavellan. He knew it was almost impossible for Lavellan to persuade him to stop its best he save the inquisitor any more heartache.

——————————————————————————-

For Varric it was an unplanned visit with Cole and Lavellan that made him realize something was going on.

It’s rare enough for the inquisitor to have time to stop by but for Cole as well... That well, that just doesn’t happen. So Varric grabbed the only things he ever needed for an adventure his crossbow a paper and some pens.

Lavellan had a fire in her eyes and a touch of quiet rage.

“We found him Varric.”

This was enough for Varric to know he was either about to pen the greatest star crossed love story with a redemption arc to boot. Or a tragedy the likes of which no one wants to speak of and god he hoped it was the first one.

“Is that so...” Varric signed with a half smile already defeated with just the smell of adventure.

“Promises...not yet given up on... a small cottage in crestwood. A library,enough spirits to keep him busy.” Cole smiled

“Cole...We spoke of this.” Lavellan reminded him with a smile.

“Wait until you tell him you’re plan before echoing your thoughts yes sorry.”

Cole responded.

“Plan what plan?” Varric questioned.

“Old Tevinter magic or old Elvhen I’m not sure exactly Dorian Translated But know how to stop him well stop him from killing everyone at least...” Lavellan started

“And I don’t have all day you know.” Varric Joked.

“It’s a substitute veil but it would requir..” Lavellan was cut off. So quick it was impossible to know what happened exactly but it was an arrowhead golden well carved right in the one place that had been hit deeply already. Straight through the heart.

“Cold...I haven’t been cold like this since...skyhold...Ven..” Cole rushed through her thoughts like a desperate prayer to a god who wasn’t listening.

Maybe because he wasn’t....

“Lavellan...Dalish...Hey...” Varric started before Cole cut him off.

“She’s already dead the arrow was too quick.” Cole stated only now realizing what she had ripped in her hand and stained in blood like a cruel metaphor.

Solas’s wolfbone necklace.

“That’s it I’m gonna go wolf hunting.” Varric deadpanned. The quiet and bloodied bone was a simple yet complex reminder of exactly what this bastard took Varric wasn’t a stranger to seeing people murdered but Lavellan was a more personal case than most... Varric had just convinced Cassandra to let him help. Not thinking he would end up on another quest with another hero... well another dead hero... too many dead heros

“No.” Cole frowned.

“I suddenly remember what I was supposed to forget. What could have made me human. And then Solas was right getting revenge on the man who killed me wouldn’t have been right. I should have been killing him.” Cole grabbed the bloodied wolfbone necklace closing the eyes of the clamy body of The Herald Of Andraste.

——————————————————————————————————

Solas was In his makeshift office when he had felt a portal open. Although he had thought nothing of it.

“Report.” He ordered not as himself but as the false god he made himself.

“The wolves lover bought small cottage in crestwood hoping he’d come back. Collecting tomes and papers he’d like. Plaster and paint stored in two separate crates to surprise him with later... coffee. An old canvas backpack and a blanket for the road....”

“Cole? What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here the inquisitor will catch you.”Solas wondered

“You told me once spirits could be better. I thought you could be too... so did Lavellan... Too bad that won’t be happening.” Cole threw the dalish cloth wrapped bloodied necklace on the desk of the facade god Fenharel.

“Cole what is this?...Cole!Answer me! WHY IS LAVELLANS NECKLACE BLOODIED?” For all the composure he tried to keep for all the distance he tried to put between himself and Fenharel.....Solas couldn’t be Fenharel when it came to her he just couldn’t.

“It means you have a pattern of the way you treat your friends Solas. Make them trust you. Make them forget. Who needs to know you are a threat... funny both times it was an arrow as well.Both done under an order by you.” Cole fumed.

“I...No I didn’t order that I said to stop Lavellan not ...” that’s the moment Solas truely felt the blood he waded in drown him. Tevinter ,the Quinari ,the red lyrium mad distractions,the titans he used all puppets whose blood pulls him under in waves.

“The worst part of it is Lavellan had a plan to help you forfill yours and not kill everyone in this world. Too bad she’s dead. Like the now ownerless cottage in crestwood.” Cole did one last thing while he had Solas’s attention he faded to back to Kirkwall and returned to Solas chambers with the bloodied body of Lavellan.

“So you can feel the same grief you caused her.” Cole places the bloodied body of inquisitor Lavellan stop now bloodied papers and ancient elvhen research. Leaving Solas sobbing over the lifeless courpse of his lover and could have been savior.

[ranawaytothedas]

Candy

Rating - Teen

Word count -  3115

AO3 - TBA (tomorrow)

Ships -

Solas/Tamaris

Dorian/Mathras

Mentions Merrill/Carver 

Summery: A Modern AU! Halloween Solavellan family fluff fest, to celebrate 60 followers on my DA Blog!!

A/N: I set this around the bustling urban metropolis of “Kirkwall” just so I could include Merrill because I love her… I guess some important stuff… Varric is Governor of the City State of Kirkwall after being a successful comic book writer who wrote politically fuel comics satirizing the events that led to great Mage Rebellion… in an odd write in situation that started as Twitter hashtag, Varric was elected Ruler of Kirkwall…<.<. The Hawk, is a superhero from Varric’s comics made famous by the actor and personal friend of Mayor Tethras, Garrett Hawke, who is also a friend of Tamaris’s from College. Solas is a professor of Ancient Elven Studies at the College of Kirkwall, Merrill is his assistant professor… Dorian and Mathras are podcast/youtube darlings and visiting from Minrathous .. Tamaris is a stay at home mom, to her and Solas’s 3 year old Shivana… 

The shrieks and giggles of a toddler echoed through a modest home just outside of the sprawling urban landscape of Kirkwall. Tamaris Lavellan, stood in her kitchen over a boiling pot craning her neck to try to see where her toddler had run off to. “Mathras! Can you please just contain her in one room!” Tamaris shouted as she dumped a box of pasta in the boiling pot, giving it a quick stir before trying to go track down her poor brother who she last saw chasing after her three year old daughter whom, while not being watched for just a moment, had gotten in the large bowl of Halloween candy that had been on the kitchen table. The results being a very hyper child covered in chocolate. 

As Tamaris walked into the family room, Mathras’s partner Dorian sat on the couch scrolling through instagram. Walking up behind him Tamaris ran her hand along the back of his shoulders and put on her best smile. Dorian looked up from his phone, locking the screen and putting it in his lap. “Yes, my dear?” He beamed up at her. Dorian had been one of the most charming men she had ever met when they were seated next to each other in Arcane Studies class nearly a decade previous. Tamaris had even tried to ask him out, only to find out his interests lay elsewhere. It was her, who ultimately set him and Mathras up. Though if you listened to their podcast. “It’s the Tea from Tiventer with Dorian and Mathras” a daily gossip podcast and youtube channel, they would tell their love story very differently. 

With a weary sigh Tamaris pointed to the kitchen. “Could you please make sure the pasta doesn’t stick. If I serve Solas one more clump of pasta I think he will divorce me for cruelty and malnourishment.” Trying not to laugh Dorian nodded as Tamaris let out a thankful sigh. “I have to go save Mathras from Shivana…” 

Waving his hand Dorian laugh, “Please, go… save my husband from your terribly behaved sugar fuel child…” With a laugh as he stood to go do as he was asked in the kitchen. 

Tamaris made her way into the formal living where her twin brother was in a stalemate with her three year old daughter, who had shed her purple dress and now had Mathras’s cellphone in her hands, which were still covered in chocolate. She was racing around the room as Mathras, who had her dress clasped in his right hand tried to catch her. For a high school and college athlete her brother was having quite the time trying to catch her. Tamaris saw the direction that her daughter was headed in and knew her trickster ways, she was able to cut the toddler off and scoop her up just as Shivana was about to open Mathras’s photo gallery. “That’s not yours Shivana!” Tamaris scolded as she snatched the phone from her now screaming daughter’s hands and held it out for her brother to take. 

“Thank you,” Mathras breathed as he took the phone, slightly out of breath. “My word… like how do you do it?” He asked rather seriously. 

Which just caused Tamaris to laugh softly as she took Shivana’s dress from her brother. “Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, Elfroot, Wine, Elfroot, Wine… repeat…” Tamaris smirked.

Her brother laughed softly as he nodded. “I mean, it sounds like a solid routine.” He reached out and patted his sister on the arm. “Can I do anything to help?” He asked sweetly, a gesture that Tamaris would not have expected from him. She made a mental note that Dorian must be domesticating her former party animal brother. 

With a blissful sigh Tamaris nodded towards the kitchen. “Help Dorian with dinner so I can toss her into a bath, Solas should be home soon and we have to eat right when he gets home. No mucking about… I am not having Shivana miss Trick or Treating again this year.” Tamaris was not living up to her dreams of domestic goddesshood. Though her husband never asked for such feats, Tamaris still tried to be that perfect Pinterest mom. Yet most of her projects lay half finished and she was walking mess, far from the woman she was when she was one of the hosts of The Tea during her brush with fame.

Mathras smiled warmly at his sister as he patted her shoulder.“There was a bloody war last year, Tamaris! Geeze I think we can forgive you for that one.” He kissed her cheek as he went to leave. “I am assuming you keep everything in the most logical places… you aren’t keeping pots in the stove again?” 

“Whats wrong with that?” Tamaris asked confused. 

Mathras chuckled as he shook his head. “Nevermind, you are just like Mamae… go get her in the bath before you are the one that makes us late!” He teased gesturing for her to go. 

Tamaris was getting Shivana dressed after her bath when she heard her front door open and a chorus of ‘Hellos’ from her brother, Dorian, her husband and a female voice. Tamaris pursed her lips as she pulled Shivana’s costume on over her head head. “Oh I guess he just decided that sure let’s bring Merrill home… let’s not even ask the wife…” Tamaris gumbled not thinking that her daughter was actually listing. 

“I like Merrill, she is funny and nice.” Shivana pointed out softly as she stuck her head through the top of the costume. The little auburn haired girl smiled up at her mother. “You say ‘be nice’ to me…” She pointed out using Tamaris’s own words against her. 

Looking down at her daughter Tamaris scowled. “Stop sounding like your father and put on the bottoms to your costume.” There was an edge of jokingness in her voice but Tamaris still noted how harsh she sounded as she knelt down. “I mean, we gotta get moving sweetheart, you don’t want to miss the Trick or Treating, right?” This time her voice was much softer as pulled up the bottom half ‘The Hawk’ costume and handed her the mask to carry before standing back up. “Only put on the mask after dinner, do not eat with the mask on… understood?” 

“Yes Mamae…” The little girl said nodding her head. The glint of mischief in her bright blue eyes told Tamaris otherwise. “Can I do say hi to Bae now?” 

Tamaris nodded with soft smile. “Sure, let’s go…” The little girl took her mother’s hand and started to almost drag her back down the stairs. Tamaris had felt like she hadn’t sat down for more than two minutes all day between picking up her brother and Dorian from the airport, to running back to the store when she realized that she had eaten more the good candy they had bought. It wasn’t till she saw the look her husband gave her did she realize what was her biggest mistake of the day. “Shite.” She muttered as Shivana dropped her hand and raced over to her father’s waiting arms. 

Solas had not been expecting Tamaris’s brother, so he was rather shocked to see him and Dorian Pavus in his kitchen making spaghetti just a few moments before. As he lent down pick up his daughter who was wearing a ridiculous costume and not the one he had thought they agreed on several weeks early in the store. “Hello, sweetheart.” He greeted Shivana kissing her on the cheek once she was settled in her his arms. 

“Look! I am Uncle Garett! See!” The child exclaimed excitedly pulling at her costume as if her father had no idea what she was talking about. 

Solas forced a smile for his daughter as he nodded. “I see, da’ean… why don’t go show you actual Uncle in the kitchen.” He kissed her cheek again before setting her down on the wood floor of the hall. Shivana raced down the hall and into the kitchen trying to make a dramatic entrance. There was a roar of laughter from the kitchen yet Shivana’s parents stood in the hall looking at each other. 

Tamaris’s eyes were cast at her bright green socks not wanting to look at her husband as she started to mutter. “I know… I know...  you don’t even have to say anything Solas.” Tamaris mumbled shaking her head. “I really thought I told you days ago they were coming…” 

“No, no you did not.” Solas began as he reached out and took his wife’s hand. Tamaris’s gaze lifted as tried to read his face. From the way his brow was tense she could tell he was still annoyed, but as warm smile crept across his lips her fears eased. “It will be fine, I mean I forgot to text you to tell you they push trick or treating back till tomorrow because of the weather..” Tamaris’s eyes grew wide at the last part of his statement. Her head snapped around to look out the window, while it was slightly overcast it didn’t look like rain. 

A frustrated sigh escaped her lips as she pulled her hand away from her husband to gesture towards the window. “Did they like look outside?” Solas shrugged and gave her a weak smile. He knew how much doing the silly tradition meant to Tamaris. Shivana had been born during such a turbulent time in Kirkwall that so many of the simple things like birthday parties and trick or treating got pushed aside for the sake of survival. Solas reached out and took Tamaris’s hand trying to get her to look back at him. 

“Vhenan, listen.” He started finally getting her attention. “We will just do it tomorrow… it’s really not that much of an issue.” Solas was trying his best to reassure her. His hand moved to caress her arm. “I am sure Shivana will understand…” Tamaris rolled eyes knowing full well their daughter had talked of nothing else since she had woken up that morning. 

“Yeah, sure…” Tamaris muttered before leaning forward finally giving Solas a peck on the lips and asking him, “So, how was work?” She asked trying to get back to their normal routine, even if it was just for a moment. 

Solas laughed dismissively as he waved his hand not wanting to discuss it. “It was a day,” He took Tamaris’s hand once more, “Let’s go see what our child is subjecting those poor adults too..” 

Tamaris laughed softly as they began to walk down the hall. “She already made Dorian sing baby shark with her…” 

Solas chuckled as he leaned in and kissed her cheek. “See, that is why you should have told me they were coming, I could have taken off work. I can't believe I missed that.” They both laughed as they walked into the kitchen to find Merrill and Dorian, with Shivana sitting in his lap at the kitchen table while Mathras was dumping the cooked pasta in the strainer. 

“Go sit, I will bring the food..” Mathras said cheerfully with a bright smile. 

Tamaris stood in shock for a second before letting go of Solas’s hand and walking over to her brother. She placed her hand on his forehead like she was checking for a temperature. She then grabbed his face and looked into his deep dark violet eyes. “What have you done with my brother…” She continued to hold his face as she turned back to Solas. “I think his possessed…by like a friendly spirit or something.” 

Mathras took as step back, pulling his head away from his sister’s grasp. “Shut up and go sit down before I change my mind and become an asshole again.” Tamaris took a step back as Solas walked up behind her and placed his hands on her waist, gently guiding her towards the kitchen table where the others were seated. Shivana was laughing up at Dorian as he held out his phone taking a video. 

“Say it again, Shivana…” Dorain instructed as he hit record. 

The little girl giggled behind her hands as she looked up into the camera. “But, Mae says…” Shivana started to question him. 

“I’ll take the blame just say it…” Dorian urged again as he kissed her cheek. 

With a impish giggle Shivana looked straight into the camera and said “Vishante kaffas..” before for falling to to a fit of laughter, which was not being helped by Merril giggling behind her hands, trying to hide her amusement.

“That’s such a horrible thing to teach a child..” Merrill started trying her best to sound serious once she noticed the child’s parents taking their seats across the table from her. “She is very impressionable..” She added when she saw the not so amused look on Solas’s face.

“Yes, I agree…” Solas added as he glared at Dorian. “I do not appreciate you teaching my daughter Tevene, let alone curses…” He turned to his wife some back up but Tamaris was fighting the urge to chuckle herself. 

“It was a little funny to hear it sound so sweet..” Tamaris muttered as she glanced over her shoulder to see her brother carrying a large bowl with the pasta in one hand and another bowl in his other that held the sauce. “Do you go it Mathras?” 

“All good..” He strained as he round around Dorian and set the past down first and then the sauce. “You wanna get the salad out of the fridge though.” Tamaris nodded before retrieving the salad rather impressed by the spread that her brother and Dorian hand manged to throw together. 

They enjoyed their quite meal, Shivana spending the majority of it sitting in Dorian’s lap listening to him tell her all about what things were like in Tevinter. It was a conversation none of them had expected the child to be interested in but Shivana was curious little girl and fairly bright for her age. When their meal was finished Merril helped Mathras clear the plates as Tamaris and Solas glanced at each other signalling they had put off telling Shivana long enough. 

“Dorian why don’t you finish helping them, we need to talk to Shivana a moment.” Tamaris suggested. Dorian gave her brief smile before Shivana climbed down from his lap and walked over to her mother’s chair. Her small hands gripped the arm of the chair, her chin resting on them and two large blue eyes staring up at Tamaris questioning what she had done. Tamaris smiled down at her daughter and ran her hand over her auburn locks. “So, Bae told me something when he got home that I think is going to make you a little sad…” The toddler scowled, her eyes narrowing in on her father’s face behind Tamaris. “It’s not his fault, but Trick-or-Treating has been put off till tomorrow.” 

“No candy?” The little girl quickly questioned sternly. 

Solas leaned forward to look at his daughter, “Not tonight, tomorrow… it’s supposed to rain, da’ean. It would be no fun.” 

Shivana looked back at the other adults as they were rinsing dishes. “No Candy!” She exclaimed again drawing the attention of the others. A pout grew across her lips as she sunk to the floor with disappointment. “No Candy!” She declared again, looking up at her mother as if she was about to cry. 

Pushing his chair back, Solas stood up and went over his daughter, picking her up. Shivana’s arms wrapped around his neck as she buried her face against the fabric of his suit jacket. “It’s just candy, da’ean… we have candy…” For a moment he glanced back at his wife to make sure he wasn’t making promises that he couldn’t keep. Tamaris smiled and nodded. “So you don’t even have to leave the house, we can do trick or treat right here…” He then glanced over at the other adults who were all nodding. “How does that sound?” Shivana nodded against his shoulder before peering up her father. 

“My own trick or treat?” She asked softly. “Just for me…” Solas nodded and suddenly all the sadness that had been in the child’s eyes disappeared as she lifted her head looked back at her uncles and Merrill. “You gotta give me candy!” She giggled. 

After dinner was put away, the adults gathered in the living room with the large bowl of candy. They passed the bowl around as Shivana stopped at each adult as they sat around the room. With a bright smile she would say “Trick or Treat” and wait for the large handful of sweets to fall into her bright orange plastic pumpkin. She made several rounds before deciding when half the contents of bowl ended up in her bucket was she satisfied with her bounty and crawled up on the couch between her parents as she started to dig through. Merrill left soon after, siting a date or something with Carver. Dorian and Mathras had settled on the loveseat across from Tamaris and her little family having a hushed conversation amongst themselves as the evening wound down.

They settled into a pleasant silence as Shivana sat carefully picking through her candy to find the ones she wanted the most. Solas leaned over Shivana’s shoulder and plucked one of the chocolate from the top of her bucket as a smirk played on his lips watching the litter gir glare up at him. “What?” He asked softly at the child’s glare. Shivana turned her nose up at him as she protectively covered the bucket protectively. “Oh can’t share with your father?” He asked softly.

The toddler scowled, “You didn’t ask… Mamae always gets made if I don’t ask.” She declared and Tamaris smirked on the other side of her as she looked up from her book. 

“She has a point, Solas…” Tamaris noted with a sly smirk. 

“See Bae…” Shivana said with a smug little smile that reminded Solas far too much of his own. 

“You…” He teased as he leaned over and started tickling his daughter. Her laughter caused Dorian and Mathras to pause their conversation for a moment and look over with broad smiles on their faces and Shivana dumped the bucket of candy onto the floor as Solas grabbed ahold of her placing a kiss on her cheek as he laughed. “When did you get so clever? Huh?” He teased and little girl squealed with glee. Laughter filled the house that night, despite the threat of rain ruining the planned events. 

Tamaris smiled broadly as she watched her happy little family enjoy the holiday in their own way, because some traditions are made out the need to calm a toddler’s tantrum over candy. 

[enchantment1385]

About the character…

Time for round 2 people!  I was tagged by the glorious @dickeybbqpit , thank you darling! 

Time to be too ambitious... again!

Faeron Lavellan & Nico Lavellan  

― your muse’s name(s)

Faeron Tamlith Lavellan ~ Nico Ashara Lavellan 

― one favourite picture / faceclaim of your muse:

― two headcanons you have for your muse(s): 1. Faeron & Nico weren’t always as close as they are now. The problems started when they were around 7 or 8 when Nico had still shown no signs of magic, whereas Faeron had been practicing for years. It was resentment, pure and simple. Faeron wasn’t just a mage, he was ‘Somniari’, a dreamer. He needed MORE attention, MORE training than most, but it all seemed to come so easy for him, and she hated him for it. She felt she had to work twice as hard, and be twice as good, to even get half as noticed. This wasn’t the case at all, she was in fact totally blinded by anger at herself and so disappointed that she too couldn’t be a mage, like the rest of her family, she felt like she was ‘wrong’ somehow, and in manifested in lashing out, mostly at her brother. Faeron only ever defended himself once... But Nico sure backed off after.  After their mother (shalanna) passed when they were 14, after going to start another fight with her twin, Nico saw how sad Faeron was, how much he’d only been holding things together for everyone else. Something in her... Changed. She saw how strong Faeron really was, how kind and gentle he was, and despite everything she had said and done to him, he still hugged her and told her how much he loved her. They became closer after this, and as years passed.  2. There is an AU where Nico resorts to using blood magic to erase Faeron’s memories of Dorian. She did not do so lightly, but given the choice, she would do it again. Faeron became more and more depressed as the years passed, Dorian becoming more and more busy, less and less time for visits. Faeron became so weak he couldn’t, or wouldn’t wake up, always waiting for the few scares moments with his love. Nico sought out doctors, mages, keepers, forbidden rituals, old magics and everything in between. The only way for Faeron to recover was to destroy the world he’d built for Dorian, and the only way that would ever happen was... If there was no Dorian. It took days, and a few very close calls, but Faeron made it, and awoke after a week or so wondering what the a room full of people were doing in his bedroom looking like they were all about to burst into tears. He remembered pretty much everything, and with some clever story telling the little blanks were filled.  Nico refused to send word to Dorian, instructing if any letters of his were ever found, to burn them without opening them. She claimed ‘The magister was far too busy parading himself to his public to care for the past 3 years, why should *I* care now?!’  Shortly after Faeron was fully recovered the twins left skyhold to travel, they don’t ever plan to return there Faeron has expressed he would like to live in Kirkwall when they settle once again. Nico likes the thought of Faeron having his best friend, Varric so close. Hawke having roots there doesn’t hurt either.  

― three things that your muse likes doing in their free time: Training: The twins spar every day together. Generally very early in the morning, much to the dismay of anyone in earshot. Nico finds practicing against magic keeps her quick on her feet, and Faeron finds it keeps him nimble and flexible to defend against a powerful warrior. They also both take an active roll in training the troops if/when they can.

Cooking: Well, Faeron cooks... Nico talks to him, passes him things he needs, reads to him, tells the cooks ‘This is MY fucking castle and I’ll be wherever I damn well want to be!’ this upsets them, which Faeron then has to sort out. Nico eats most of the cooking believe it or not. Especially anything sweet. Cookies, she loves his cookies. He has to make so many trays of them just so anyone else gets a look in. 

Traveling: They both like to travel, both for differing reasons.  Nico is a massive history nerd, she like seeing places she’s read about, old forts, battlefields, and even cities on occasion, although she hates crowds and heaven forbid they get the ‘knife ears’ treatment. Faeron likes meeting new people, trying new foods, just generally being adventurous. They get on well together and can read each other like a book so know when something is wrong, if the other is tired and needs to call it for the day. 

― seven people your muse 😍 / likes: Faeron loves or likes everyone  Nico - Faeron, Bull, Cassandra, Lielanna, Hawke, The chargers, Varric AU DEPENDENT: Das, Fennas, Jaralan, Leris. These guys are super important in the RP me & @heraldofwho have.

― a phobia your muse has: An odd fear Faeron has is of scissors. When he was very young he didn’t quite grasp the concept of ‘Hair grows back’ and was terrified of having his hair cut, having seen his father treat old wounds and explaining that old Iolas ‘isn’t going to grow that finger back.’ He’s still not keen on having his hair cut, even now.  Nico is scared of Halla. She won’t, under any circumstances, ride one. The situation grew so bad Thalion, their father, had to arrange a trade for a horse for her to ride. She has and will square off against one if it gets too close to her, and gets tense and starts swearing and muttering when they are around. Faeron thinks it’s a little bit funny, but tries not to wind her up too much over it. 

Tagging: @heraldofwho @john-cousland @elfrooted @numphet @apostatetabris @captain-othersider @occorner @dinah-myles @tessa1972 @elven-knight @norroendyrd @sollaven

[elellan]

Chapters: 12/? Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age (Video Games) Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford  

CHAPTER 12. LIFT ME FROM A WORLD OF PAIN

O Maker, hear my cry:

guide me through the blackest nights.

Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked.

Make me to rest in the warmest places.

"Aren’t you gonna greet an old friend?".

He had barely entered his study and approached his desk when that mocking voice rang out behind him. So it was true. Even if he had desperately tried not to believe what Leliana, a furious Cassandra and even the Inquisitor herself had told him - it was all true. The slightest feeling of a newborn headache rose in his mind.

"Come, shake my hand".

She was standing beside one of the doors, all mockery and sass, the staff on her back enormous and showy. Her grin was diabolical. 

"What are you still doing here?", he managed to say, reluctantly shaking her outstretched hand.

"One would expect a warmer welcome from a former companion in arms!".

He grunted and turned towards his desk, he had work to do. "You haven't answered my question".

"I've come with news for your Inquisitor. Already delivered them. Varric has asked me to linger around for some time and I thought 'Why not!'".

"Of course you did...".

"And why not pay a visit to Cullen, check on how he is doing".

He glared at her.

"Well, he is in high spirits, as always... . I must say that your new boss looks like a clever woman. It's a great improvement compared to Kirkwall, don't you agree? Strong supporter of mage rights. Who would have guessed that Kirkwall's Knight-Commander- oh sorry, it's just Commander now, right?". She was looking dismissively at her nails. The nerve of that woman…  

"I trust that since your business here is finished you will leave us for good?".

She grinned again, he knew that there was nothing he could say that would make her even flinch. 

"I've got a mission to accomplish with that Inquisitor of yours, Commander". 

Maker, his head was going to explode- if only a spell purge would exhaust her capacity to rant. 

"We're going on a trip to Crestwood and then, who knows...".

"Unfortunately, I already know what you’re up to. I trust that you won't endanger Lavellan unnecessarily-".

"Cullen, do you honestly believe that I would endanger-”.

“Yes”.

“That was quick”.

“Did you understand? Do not endanger Riw- the Inquisitor-”, he growled from behind his desk, cursing himself from having let that name almost slip from his lips.

“So Varric was right, you have a bit of a soft spot-eh? I shouldn't be the one to talk though-".

"What-?!". She was laughing carelessly, as if she hadn't just said the most unbelievable absurdity. “It’s not- I’m the Commander of the Inquisition and it is my duty-". That obnoxious smile wouldn’t leave her face. “Nevermind that. Have you understood what I’ve told you?”.

"Yes, yes, yes I have. Your duty, your job. Well, some things never change. Don't worry Cullen, I'll bring her back in one single piece. And if anyone dares so much as touch her… fireball to the face, just like old times. Trust me".

 He sighed. He remembered all too well Kirkwall’s last battle, one of her fireballs missing him by an inch, its smouldering body passing near his face, even though apparently it was directed to one of those walking statues... “I’ve got your back!”, she had yelled at him. No, he did not trust her. Not at all. But what could he do? Her help would be vital against Corypheus - if that warden friend of hers was even the slightest reliable. His headache was becoming unbearable.

“Right…”, he grumbled.

She finally took a few steps towards the door. Maker, just go away.

"Not even a single hair will be plucked from that pretty head!".

She was gone. Praise Andraste. But the headache tormented him all day long.

Dorian asked him to play chess. He managed to win, in spite of the headache. 

The night was sleepless too.

There was a bottle of lyrium in one of his drawers, but he didn't drink it.

O Creator, see me kneel:

For I walk only where You would bid me.

Stand only in places You have blessed.

Sing only the words You place in my throat.

Get up before dawn, check on guard rotations, train with Iron Bull -if he was already awake, which was not likely-, receive morning reports and start working on his own reports, attend war council, deliver orders to the awaiting Inquisition's strongholds, train recruits, check on reconstruction progress. The headache didn't want to leave him. 

Josephine kept on singing a ballad about the Inquisitor and Hawke for their whole meeting. Leliana joined her too. Sweet Maker, was it ever going to end? Now it stuck to his head too.

Dorian asked him to play chess again. He guessed he could spare half an hour.

Cassandra forced him to go to the Herald's Rest to have dinner. He wasn't hungry at all, he was nauseous and all that chatter in the tavern made his head throb. He couldn't understand, why couldn't he eat in the main keep, in that canteen near the kitchen? 

The Inquisitor did sometimes, Josie and Leliana did so too, not to talk about Varric or Madame De Fer... . 

Cassandra was right though, seeing people made him lose his concentration on other matters. Surely she meant the lyrium, but he didn't want to miss his pace with his work. And the bard kept on singing that idiotic ballad all over again.

When he finally came back to his quarters he was feeling worse than before. He shouldn't have gone, he knew it. He looked at his desk: a letter from Mia. Another one. He didn't have time to answer, he would read it tomorrow. 

Another sleepless night. He woke up three times from eerie dreams. This wasn't good.

The bottle of lyrium was still untouched.

My Maker, know my heart:

Take me from a life of sorrow.

Lift me from a world of pain.

Judge me worthy of Your endless pride.

Get up before dawn, take a potion for the headache, one for the nausea, pray their effects will last all day, check on guard rotations, train with Lysette -it made him think of Haven, of the time when he had trained Lavellan with daggers-, it was too hot to train, nausea gnawing at the pit of his stomach and the back of his tongue, receive morning reports and start working on a reply to Rylen's ones, it was impossible to write with his hands shaking like that - Maker, steel my heart, attend war council, keep focused on their words - the Inquisitor was worried about the Dales,  continue to deliver orders to the Inquisition's strongholds, train recruits - exhausting, check on reconstruction progress.

Maker, I will not forsake You.

He saw her walking towards him that evening. She was surely going to check on her new mount, a halla. He had gone to see it too, since Master Dennet had called it "a fine beast".

She saw him and walked towards him. He had seen her only scarcely during the days before, walking, no, sulking around Skyhold, submerged by scouts and work. 

She had entered the Inquisition with such a bold, careless attitude. Now, after they had bestowed that title on her, ‘Inquisitor’, she looked overwhelmed.  

She sought counsel from him concerning her new role. 

"I'm sure you'll do it justice. We advisors will make sure that you won't carry the weight of the Inquisition alone".

Bad answer? She didn't reply for a moment and then gave him a sheepish smile.

"We'll see how long it takes for me to lure disaster upon us all again!".

No, that wasn't acceptable. She wasn't Hawke, she didn't lure disaster. How could he tell her? His headache was pounding. He was tired.

"You shouldn't blame yourself. Nothing that happened was your fault. Haven couldn't face an invasion and you managed to save us all- I mean... . You have proven yourself, Inquisitor, you will adjust to your role in no time".

"If you say so...". He had got it all wrong again. Maker.

"Here, let me debrief you on our situation, Inquisitor". He told her about the army,  the undergoing work on the barracks and the civilian quarters, about his work on guard rotation, area exploration, planning for fortifications. 

"Very well, Commander!", she said. She seemed in a better mood now. Glowing green eyes- had he seen them in one of his dreams? No. 

"I must also recommend, Inquisitor", he went on. "That we pursue these red lyrium templars as soon as we can. They are dangerous and if we manage to find out where they smuggle the lyrium-".

"Yes. That may be a good start, dismantle their supply chain and weaken their forces".

She looked at him, one of those looks that she had in Haven. It made him smile.

"Exactly. Excellent work, Inquisitor”..

He had barely thought about what he was saying, had he actually teased her a little bit? 

Well, it didn't go missing on her.

"Commander, I dare say that I am impressed by the amount of work that you managed to do in this little time-".

"It is only my duty".

"Yes, indeed. But does your duty come before your hours of sleep?". He froze. She was looking closely at him. What did she mean? Had she discovered it? Was it so evident?

"This seems hardly the time to sleep", he managed to say. He tightened his grip on the hilt of his sword. His head pounded fiercely and his hands were cold: working was the only way to escape from it all.

"I know, I- I am just saying that- it's just that you seem tired".

He had got it all wrong again. But he couldn't let her see. He was not a child. 

"Your concern is ill-founded, Inquisitor. How are you instead?".

That had been close. They chatted for a few minutes more, but she seemed disheartened by their conversation. She left. He watched her walking towards the stables, the sun glistening in her hair, in long strides she was already halfway, her figure from afar seemed like a silhouette cut out of a children’s book… . 

And then he did something stupid, something unprofessional. Was it out of guilt? 

He ran after her and stopped her, grabbed her by her arm. A thought that had repeatedly crossed his mind coming out of his mouth without him even being able to control it. 

"You stayed behind". He gave her no time to answer and hastily dropped her arm, clenching and unclenching his hand immediately after. "You could have... I will not allow anything like the events at Haven to happen again, I swear. I should have done more, I- I failed my duty Lavellan, it won't happen again. It's all I'm saying. Good day".

Unprofessional. Idiotic. Nonsensical. Why had he done it? Surely she would have noticed his trembling hands when he had grabbed her arm. Maker, if only he could sleep. Just a few hours. 

Dorian wanted to play chess, again.

The bottle of lyrium in his drawer remained untouched.

My Creator, judge me whole: 

Find me well within Your grace.

Touch me with fire that I be cleansed.

Tell me I have sung to Your approval.

CONTINUE ON AO3

[mercurialmind]

The Power of Ice

A calm day in Emprise du Lion turns into an unexpectedly hard battle.

Or in other words, Shae Lavellan is a badass.

For @luinquesse ^___^

Shae looked around the snowy hills of Emprise du Lion, and breathed in the brisk air under the cloudless sky. The tightly packed snow crunched beneath his feet as they walked discovering areas they’d never visited before. Wind blew harsh on the hilltops, and Shae wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck. They were all feeling the sharp bite of frost, cold seeping beneath the armor, but his magic only seemed to have enhanced, empowered by the frozen surroundings.

There was a strange tingling on his skin, not unpleasant, but which made him slightly restless. He had felt it the day before as well, but it seemed to intensify the longer he spent outside in the cold. It was not the first time he’d experienced this though.

It was such a calm afternoon, no enemies in the sight since they’d left the camp. Thus, when the air was suddenly filled with loud roars echoing from the glazed cliff sides, the party was caught by surprise, quickly surrounded by a horde of red templars.

Dorian’s barrier fell upon them as they stood back to back, banishing the first attackers with quick swing of weapons. Shae heard Cassandra let out her warcry right beside his ear as he hit his staff against the ground, releasing a wave of magic towards the enemies. Three of them got frozen in place, and an arrow flew from Varric’s crossbow to hit a templar who was running between them.

The fight was a flurry of spells and arrows raining upon the enemy, and metal clanging against tough, red lyrium armor. Shae swore in his mind for giving the enemies the element of surprise as he swung his weapon around, sheathing himself in a thin layer of frost. Two templars trying to interrupt him got temporarily frozen in place, and Cassandra’s shield bash landed on them, as she charged through.

When he turned around, he met Dorian’s eyes, briefly across the glacier, but their attention was quickly caught by Varric’s shout over the sounds of battle.

“This isn’t going to be fun,” he said, pointing with his crossbow.

When Shae turned his head to the direction, he saw three red lyrium behemoths dragging through snow and dropping down the cliff. They landed roaring, the ground shaking beneath them all.

“Shit,” Varric swore, quickly charging his crossbow again.

A horde of red templars followed behind the beasts, and Cassandra stood in front of the party, her stance not wavering, though they were facing the impossible. Another barrier was set by Shae, and Dorian casted a fire spell on the templars now running in front, making them scream in agony. Cassandra charged against the first behemoth, knocking it off-balance, switching to a templar, to strike through its throat.

Shae saw in the corner of his eyes how Dorian stood still for a moment, leaning onto his staff, mumbling something quietly. Purple waves of magic left his raised hand, connecting to the dead enemy. While the battle continued around, the spirit of the fallen enemy rose back to life and turned to fight against his brothers and sisters.

They fought and fought, and Shae felt they had been doing it forever, more enemies appearing than they could fell. Cassandra landed on her back by a strong hit from one of the behemoths at the same time as Varric blasted a couple of templars with his explosives.

Shae felt the constant sizzling on his skin intensify until it had spread painfully all over his body. He fell down on one knee, his palm landing against the ice, the other hand holding on to the staff. He let out a groan as he felt the magic pulse through his body, connecting him to the frozen ground.

He caught the biting wind, and it began swirling around him in an increased pace, quickly forming into a raging blizzard. He could hear it howling in his ears, the snow pounding on his face, and as he tried looking for the others, the blizzard spread to surround them all. He heard his friends’ voices, their words swallowed by the storm which grew thicker and whiter, finally obscuring everything from the view.

***

When the blizzard calmed down, Shae stood up on shaky legs. He caught a sight of Cassandra crawling from underneath a frozen behemoth, felt Dorian’s hand on his shoulder. Varric stared at him, slackjawed, Bianca hanging at his side. The friends seemed unharmed--fortunately.

Everything else was frozen.

Shae took a few slow steps toward the closest enemy whose face was contorted in an endless scream. He stood there, staring at it for a moment, then turned to look at his friends who were examining the results of his magic.

“Well, I don’t think they’ll be bothering us anymore,” Dorian quipped, putting his arm on the shoulder of one of the frozen templars. It shattered into thousand pieces in an instant, causing Dorian to stumble and nearly hit the ground. Cassandra poked one of their enemies with her sword, resulting it to crumble to the ground as well.

“That was one mighty blast,” Varric said, breaking another frosted templar into pieces.

“I’ve never seen anyone do something like this.” There was respect in Cassandra’s eyes as she looked at Shae.

“You seem to find ways to surprise us time and again, amatus,” Dorian said, smiling.

“How did you make this happen?” Cassandra inquired.

He explained the strange feeling he’d been experiencing, while they took their belongings and continued their travel forward. They were keeping higher guard this time, since they did not wish to be so badly surprised again. He told about the similar experiences in his past, although it had never been as powerful as this time. The whole matter roused a discussion amongst the friends, and they continued contemplating on the possibilities of magic even later on at the camp.

Everything was so odd, had been since the day the Conclave was destroyed. Shae looked across the land opening below the hill where he was standing, leaning his shoulder against a tree. Stars were bright against the dark sky, his breath vaporizing in the crisp air. He glanced at his hands and sighed. His skin was still sizzling, less now than before the burst, but it made him restless, put him on the edge. It would be very likely that the sleep were to elude him that night.

“What’s on your mind?”

He was startled by a soft voice which carried a hint of worry instead of its usual lightness.

“Nothing really…” he said, turning to look at Dorian who came to stand beside him, “...and fairly too much.

“I see.”

They stood there in silence for quite a while, staring into the distance, so many thoughts crisscrossing in his mind. He was glad for Dorian’s presence, but also for the silence surrounding them. He did not feel like talking right now, just wanted to let his mind wander.

Fingers brushed softly against the back of his hand, before catching it reassuringly and squeezing for a moment.

“I’ll be on watch duty if you need anything,” Dorian said, letting go of his hand and turning to leave.

He glanced at Dorian and gave him a soft smile.

“Thank you.”

[heartslogos]

newfragile yellows [511]

Lady Ellana Lavellan of Morrin Keep, more recently of the Dales, is a very beautiful woman, who is both fair of face and temperament, quick with both wit and smile, and gracious in body and charm. Evelyn has no doubt in mind that she is well suited and lacks nothing in regards to the upbringing of a noble lady expected to marry for politics and practicality rather than romance and friendship.

That said.

“Is it to your liking, the Coast?” Evelyn asks, by which she means, and makes sure to clarify a beat later before Ellana can answer with a very reassuring and tailored answer that any lady of noble bearing would be able to think up, “Does the Iron Bull treat you well?”

Oh, Evelyn has no doubt that the Iron Bull has been nothing but a perfect…er. Well. Not gentleman. The Iron Bull is a man and is capable of being gentle, but he is never going to be a gentleman.

But the Iron Bull is a good man and he would not do anything untoward to anyone. Evelyn knows the Iron Bull and she’s certain that she knows him well enough that it makes him irritated with how well she knows the man behind his many masks whenever she uses that knowledge against his many tricks and plans and plots. It is, usually, for his own good. The Iron Bull is too good at scheming things to his own detriment.

Though, not even Evelyn could have foreseen the Iron Bull reluctantly volunteering himself for political marriage.

All of this to say, the Iron Bull would not abuse his newfound position of lord-husband to his lady-wife. But the Iron Bull is an acquired taste, and while he might not be pushing buttons or crossing boundaries with malicious intent, he is not the kind of person who everyone can befriend.

If Evelyn is going to steal away this woman’s future with a possible love-match or at least, match with someone more familiar, the absolute minimum she should do is make sure that the marriage she has found herself in is not driving her up the rain-slicked walls, or causing her any distress. More than the usual political marriage stress.

“You know,” Lady Ellana says, hands folded in her lap and looking quite serene and in place among the gray backdrop of the coast and the powerful fresh, almost threatening green of the grass, “I spend a vast majority of my time answering the question of does your husband treat you well, I find myself wondering if anyone has asked my lord husband if his lady wife treats him well. Do you think that is a question he gets asked?”

Evelyn had exchanged a few words with Lady Ellana prior to the marriage — not as many as she would have liked, of course — and heard a few more things about her from people who had spent a fractionally larger amount of time with her and with that one answer she’s lived up to every single rumor, whisper, word, and hope.

Evelyn grins, relaxing as she lets herself cautiously edge towards a more casual approach, “Oh don’t worry, Lady Ellana. That part is going to come right after this question. The Iron Bull is a loyal member of the Inquisition, and a close friend of mine. You can be assured that I am concerned for how he’s acclimatizing to his new domesticity.”

Lady Ellana holds out her hand and Evelyn takes it, surprised by the roughness of her palms and the strength with which she twists their arms into a soldier’s grasp.

“You can call me Ellana, Inquisitor,” Ellana says, grinning, “I am a Lady in name only, I assure you. A few decades training for the humble life of priesthood will strip away certain veneers, you see.”

“Thank the Maker,” Evelyn says, returning the grin with a wry twist of her own, “Because I grew up in the Circle and there isn’t much in the way of etiquette training going on there. Call me Evelyn, Ellana. And can I say? It’s nice to finally meet you.”

-

“So. How’s married life treating you?”

Bull cuts Dorian an annoyed look.

“I like to think we’re over the hostility,” Dorian continues, “At least. We pretend to be civil when around people we are actually civil with. So. I repeat, before Maxwell or Edric jumps in on this to force us to behave, how’s married life treating you?”

The Iron Bull lets out an annoyed exhale through his nose, “Fine. It’s the same as regular life. The three of you didn’t come all the way here to ask me what it’s like to be married, and I didn’t ride out all the way to the edge of the Storm Coast to get my ass soaked by cold rain and be asked pleasantries. Get to the shit.”

“No, really, that’s it,” Maxwell says before Dorian can reply. “We really are here to ask how things are going. You know. In case there was something you couldn’t say in a letter because it might be intercepted? Or it wouldn’t be good to have on record?”

“To rephrase it,” Edric says, “Do you think this thing is going to hold or is it going to fall apart?”

“Are you asking me if my marriage - my month long marriage - is in tatters?”

“Yes,” the three of them reply.

“Thanks for that vote of confidence,” Bull grumbles. “You couldn’t have asked me this at Morrin Keep? Where I didn’t have to ride out for two days and it’s comfortable?”

“Again,” Maxwell says, “Anything you want to say to us that you might not say where overzealous ears can reach?”

Bull gestures to the shack they’re in, “And this is the absolute pinnacle of security, right.”

“Don’t be glib, just tell us what we need to know,” Dorian snaps. “It wasn’t a pleasant trip for us, either.”

“It’s fine,” Bull replies. “It’s been one month. We’re still figuring each other out. We don’t hate each other. She seems nice enough. Sometimes she makes me laugh. She likes dogs. She’s working on landscaping the Keep. She’s sit at sewing anything more complicated than straight stitch. She likes to go riding when the weather’s good. Do you want a full dossier on trivia I’ve figured out about her?”

“Does she feel the same way about you?” Edric asks, “Before you get all snippy, I’m just checking to make sure that this is a two way thing and she’s not sending coded messages for an immediate removal and divorce back to the Dales.”

“Why, the Dales say something to the Boss?”

“No,” Dorian admits, “But who knows how long it takes for messages to travel.”

Bull rolls his eye.

“Just come visit us at the Keep if you’re so worried. Things are fine. We’re getting to know each other. I’m not reporting back shit because there’s nothing to report. Unless the Inquisition seriously wants me to send the diary entries about her or something. That would be weird as fuck, but sure, I guess I can do that.”

“Do not send the Inquisition diary entries about what you and your wife do,” Maxwell stresses. “There are so many reasons why you should not do that and I don’t need to tell you any of them.”

“Then tell the Boss to quit it with the constant worrying,” Bull replies. “No news is good news, just let it be for a bit, alright? I’ve got this.”

[theprairienerd]

Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day: Dragon Age Edition

So yesterday was Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day, a day where we as consumers of fan-made content show our appreciation for those that take the time to write stories that extend universes, fill in gaps, and leave us wanting more. And since I am always a slut for good fanfics and making lists, I have put together a collection of my all-time favorite works of fanfiction. I decided to split up the fandoms, because having them all together in one post made Tumblr mad. I also tried to get them all done by the 21st, but the universe conspired against me. So I’ll be posting different lists for different fandoms throughout the week.

Ah, Dragon Age.... Will I ever be able to climb out of the dumpster that is your fandom? Probably not. Quick disclaimer: most of the descriptions for these fics come from an older post of mine on my old blog. I’m just too damn lazy to rewrite everything from scratch. 

Now, onto the fics!!!

A Child Unexpected by @skybound2

A much-needed vacation to Seheron leads to several lifestyle changes. Then Zevran shows up… quickly followed by the Grey Wardens. One of the first Dragon Age fics I can remember reading and an excellent read at that. 

Eye of the Storm by @msbarrows

A recently unpossessed Anders throws himself at the mercy of the Prince of Starkhaven in hopes of a quick death. Sebastian has other plans in mind. Sebanders (Anderastion?) is a pairing I would have never even thought of until this incredible fic.

Fen’harel Enansal by SkilledWarriorKiwi

Lavellan’s daughter often gets into trouble but her wolf protector is always there to save her. One of the first Solavellan fics I read. The ending is bittersweet and gives me all the feels. 

Gentrification, or How Not To Be A Sow's Ear by StrangeGibbon

Hawke is invited to a fancy shindig and asks Fenris to help her with the finer points of high society. Which would work out, if only they didn’t want to kill each other.

Guide Me Home by Waiting4Morning

When Justice ups and leaves Anders, it leaves the mage with no memories of the past ten years. Now out of options, Hawke must drag the amnesiac mage back to the Wardens before the Templars catch him. This fic is beautiful you guys. If you love Hawke / Anders as much as I do, then this fic is for you!

Here, Here I Quake by @bluekrishna101

Former rock god turned sweater-vest wearing recluse Solas is drawn out of his shell by Ellana Lavellan and her band, the Inquisition. One of my favorite AUs. Like holy crapola it’s amazing.

Homecoming by @lavellanpls

Lilith honestly thought that over for a moment—maybe if she moved somewhere too far for them to travel? Kept a pet dragon? Rescheduled for after she died?—but caved in the end with a groan of defeat. “No, let them come. Better to get it over with now.”

Clan Lavellan visits Skyhold. Mayhem ensues. This fic is the greatest. Please read it guys. 

Joy and Humility by @lafaiette

You know meeting the future in-laws isn’t going to end well when your name is Pride and your future father-in-law's name is freakin’ Humility.

Lafaiette is amazing and so is this fic. Go read it, you guys!

Ma Uthlath by @geeky-jez 

It’s Future!Thedas and Solas sees a woman who looks an awful lot like his vhenan. I cried. It’s good.

Mistakes by Cadsuane

Maric attempts to rectify his worst-father-of-the-year status by recognizing Alistair as his son and actually raising him. Explores Alistair’s life from an unloved bastard to a royal one. 

No Labor Like Love by @loquaciousquark

Fenris gets Hawke preggers. Hawke and Co. cope as best as they can. Fenris stresses. Hilarity ensues. 

Savior of the Dammed by @littleblue-eyedbird

Set sometime after Trespasser, a non-Inquisitor Lavellan finds a near dead Solas in the woods. Against her better judgment, she takes him back to her clan to care for him. This fic is on-going and is one of my current fave Solavellan fics.

Tell Me What the Wolf Knows by Madame_Snarf

A stifled sob escaped his lips, as he covered his eyes with his palm trying to not to weep. How could this be? What kind of cruel, sick joke was this? She unknowingly called out to him, unwittingly was drawn to him by reason of his being an outcast and then sought comfort in his image, even as a betrayer and trickster.

After the events of Inquisition, Solas finds a nice spot to take a nap. He is surprised to find that the memories the place holds contain a very familiar face. 

The Final Conversation by David Gaider

David Gaider, the former lead writer for Bioware and the writer for Dorian Pavus, recently posted this fanfic (which is pretty much canon fight me) about Dorian having a heart to heart with his estranged and recently deceased father. It’s very moving and because it’s David Freaking Gaider it’s also beautifully written.

The Haven Wildlife Rehabilitation Center by @feynites

Ehem. “The one where Lavellan runs a wildlife rehabilitation place and Solas is a secret magical shape-shifter who gets injured and brought in and falls in love with his rescuer.” 

Sera runs Solas over with her car. Twice.

Unwanted by @randomcheeses

Lavellan is a sacrifice to the Dread Wolf who in turn takes responsibility for her. Mentions of past rape just a heads up. It sounds really gloomy but it’s actually not. Just read it.

[ilyasvieltrevelyanshepard]

Cullen Appreciation Week - Day 2

Second day, and here I am, enjoying myself XD yay for me hahaha

Day two: With the Herald! For your lives! - Commander CullenRedemption, romance, recovery- anything Cullen gets up to while with the Inquisition.

Is a fic of friendship between Cullen and Dorian, you have been warned :P Hope you like it!

I will nurse you

The trembling of his hands is getting worse, and Dorian finally can’t ignore it. They were sitting on the gazebo, playing their weekly game of chess, but Cullen is not even trying to win. Dorian stops his hand mid air when he raises it to move a paw, startling him. “Commander-- no, Cullen. What in the Void is happening to you?” The tremors on his hands are worse now that he can feel them instead of just seeing them, and his skin is on fire. The Commander tries to take off his hand, but Dorian didn’t buy it, fixing it against the table beside the chess board. Rising slowly from his chair, the ‘Vint move beside Cullen, hand still pinning his while the other moves to touch the Commander’s forehead. “Maker, you have a fever, Cullen!”

“I'm all right, Dorian.”

“Bullshit. I remained silent for so long waiting for you to come to me, but I’m tired of waiting. Now move your sorry ass to your tower and put yourself into bed. I’m going to ask Cassandra to take on your duties for the day.” Cullen is about to explode, but Dorian didn’t step back, just crosses his arm and looks intently into his eyes. “Don’t make me call Lavellan for this, Cullen. You know that she will be even worse than me. Fasta vass! Move, now!”

Cullen feels too tired and weak to fight him back. Instead, he drags the chair back, standing slowly and walking to his office at an unsteady pace. Dorian remains in the garden, storing the chess pieces on the box before following him.

The Altus leaves the garden, doing a quick visit to his room, where he picks the bag with his potions and a bottle of Antivan brandy. He still carries the chessboard, and his hands are full of items for when he leaves his room. The main hall is as crowded as ever, with the swarm of nobles roaming the big room, waiting for a moment to kidnap the Inquisitor’s attention. Varric is on his corner and gives Dorian a nod when the ‘Vint passes beside him. The sun is almost at its zenith when he leaves the main hall, going down the stairs.

Cassandra is on her spot near the forge, reading a book under the shade of a tree. “Seeker, may I have a word with you?”

She looks at him with a quizzical look. They are not enemies anymore, months of fighting side by side had helped to lose a bit their relationship, but Dorian didn’t seek her directly, ever. “Of course, Dorian.”

He stops in front of her, not bothering on sitting or putting down the items in his hands. “Cullen is sick. I’m tired of seeing him dragging his feet across Skyhold, putting a hard face and trying to look healthier. I will force him to be in bed for the rest of the day. Maker, he even let me win today, two times!” He shakes his head, but the lopsided grin on Cassandra’s face makes him stop his mumbling. “Anyway, can you take care of any urgent matter that comes today? I can tie him to the bed if necessary, but I’m sure that knowing that you will be doing his job will help to ease his mind.”

Closing the book, she stands, leaning against the tree. “Consider it done, Dorian. I will send orders to divert all the runners to me until you say otherwise. Take care of him. He can be a bit stubborn, as you already know.” He nods, stepping back to let her some space to move. “I’ll order that someone bring food for you. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Dorian gives her a half bow, “Thanks, Seeker. If I don’t survive, tell Lavellan that I love her.”

Cassandra tries to hide the smile on her face behind her book, before waving to him and walk to the barracks to talk to the Captains of the guard.

Dorian takes a deep breath and walks to the stairs that lead to the Commander’s tower, climbing them at a steady pace. The crystal bottles of his potions clink on the bag on his shoulder with every step. The door is locked when he tries to open it, and he has to give the other man some credit, trying to keep him away with this trick. But he is a mage, an excellent one, and a simple door can’t keep him away from where he wants to be. With an annoyed frown on his face, he stores the bottle under his arm, raising a hand and twitching his fingers while calling the powers of the Fade, letting the energy of it open the latch for him. The click from it makes a lopsided grin show on his face before pushing the door open and locking it again behind him. The office is empty, but the Commander’s armour lays scattered around the room, tracing the path he followed to reach the ladder. Putting the items he carries on the desk, Dorian proceeds to pick up the armour pieces, storing them on the desk’s chair. Recovering the bag of potions and the bottle of brandy, he moves to the ladder. “Cullen, I’m coming up, are you ready or not.” A grunt is his only answer, and he fixes the bottle in the bag before climbing the ladder.

The Commander is lying on his bed, arm resting over his eyes. Now that he isn’t wearing the armour, Dorian can see sweat covering almost all the tunic. Moving closer to the bed, he put down the bag near the floor and the bottle on the nightstand. Taking a last look at the prone form on the bed, he moves to the corner where he sees a washbasin and a pitcher of water, filling the basin with it. Searching around, he finds a pair of towels and a clean tunic. Moving closer to the bed, he put the items on the nightstand before taking off his armour, the shirt he wears under it more comfortable than his leathers. “Well, Commander. As much as I can enjoy having you sweaty and tired under my hands, I will not take any pleasure from it today. We need to put you on a clean tunic and move the little party of whimpers under the sheets.”

“You are insufferable.”

Dorian chuckles while pulling off his hand. “Probably. But I’m your insufferable friend, so lend me a hand with this. Hands up, Commander.”

Cullen grunts at him, but raises his arms, helping him to slip off the sweaty tunic from his body. Dorian let it fall to the ground before kneeling on the bed, potion bag with him. “I brought some medicines with me. Nothing fancy, but they will help you to deal with the so called secret you don’t want to share with me, but I discovered anyway. Do you mind?”

The Commander blushes softly, giving him a curt nod before avoiding to look at him, while he pours some embrium concentrated on the water. The scent of the plant filled the room as soon as he soaks one of the towels on it, wringing the excess of water before using it to wash as much as possible of the sweat from the Commander’s body. His hands never stop working while he talks. “I knew it from months now, Cullen. I’m a mage, I can sense the lyrium on the other Templars, just like I sensed it in you while we were on Haven. The scent of it on you has been disappearing gradually, while your symptoms started to be more noticeable. I will have loved to have you telling me the truth, you know.” He dries his skin with the clean towel before forcing him to turn over his belly to wash his back. “I waited, and waited, and waited a bit more, but you never came to me to talk about it. And you know what? I may have helped you. I believe I still can do it, but I need to know that you want my help besides of nursing you while you are at your worst.”

Ending with the cleaning, he turns Cullen on his back again, helping him to put on the clean tunic before forcing him to lay under the sheets. Sitting back while Dorian returns the wash basin to its place, Cullen rests his back on the headboard, patting the side of the bed when Dorian returns. “No one can help me, Dorian. I brought this upon myself years ago. Even after seeing what the lyrium can do to your body, I can-- I just got enough. Enough of my lash, enough of their control over me, enough of fearing to leave the Order and end drooling myself in a corner of my home on Honnleath.”

Dorian takes his hand, feeling the tremors on it and using his own hands to stop it. “There is where you are wrong, my friend. You know that our Templars didn’t take lyrium, Maker forsake us for giving them a tool to stop the magisters.” He shrugs, like thinking on the stupidity of his countrymen. “Anyway, the mages can get addicted to the Lyrium too, is complicated yes, because we synthesised it better, but is not an unheard feast.” Cullen just twitches his fingers a bit, tilting his head to the side. “I asked Mae for the recipe of the drought they use to calm the withdrawal symptoms. Nothing magical involved, not even lyrium on the recipe, just a lot of expensive ingredients that I already gathered for you. So tell me, Cullen. Do you want to give it a try and let me help you to survive this crusade?”

Cullen leans his head on the headboard, closing his eyes. “I’ve been scared of falling again to it. I didn’t want to come back to it, but the Inquisition is so important, my work so crucial, that I can’t be at least at 100%. My biggest fear is not dying, is failing. Failing the Inquisitor, failing Cassandra, failing Leliana and the Ambassador. I committed my life to the Inquisition, Dorian, and I’m ready to pay whichever the price it asks.”

With a sigh, Dorian let his hand go, cupping his face between his hands and forcing him to face him. Waiting until he opens his eyes, he gives him one of his annoyed looks. “Yeah, yeah. I know it, every word of it. You swore for your life and honour to be better, to do more, to work until your fingers bleed. I’m not asking about that. I know it perfectly, Cullen. What I’m asking is, do you want my help to deal with it and give you the chance to be a better version of yourself than you already are?”

“Maker, yes. Yes, Dorian.”

With a giggle, Dorian let his hands fall, “My oh my, Commander. You don’t know how long I wanted to hear those words from you. But I always imagined it shorter breathed and laboured, but I will have to work with it.” With a wink, Dorian recovers the bag of potions, picking up a little vial with a green liquid. Cullen is blushing deeply but is ready to answer him, so Dorian decides to use the card of ‘info about the potion’ to distract him. “It is made of crystal grace, felandaris, vandal aria and royal elfroot. You had to take one each day during a week. Then we have to move to a lower dose until you didn’t need it, for mages it tends to be around a month, but maybe you will need to do it a bit longer. It will stop the fever, the trembling and calm your anxiety, helping you to sleep.” He moves the vial closer to him but moves it away as soon as Cullen tries to pick it up. “I have a condition to give it to you and produce the rest you will need. You have to promise me to take better care of yourself. Jumping meals and having only a few hours of sleep will only aggravate the symptoms. If you can't promise me this, I will come here to keep you company until I nurse you into a healthy Commander, and you know how annoying I can be.” Cullen nods to him, face still blushed because of his words.

Just then, a knock at the door signals the arrival of their meal. Dorian stands from the bed, giving the vial to Cullen before moving near the ladder. “I’m coming!” Turning to face Cullen, he crosses his arms while the man keeps the flask on his hand. “Drink it, Commander. Our meal awaits downstairs, but I will stay here until you do it.” Rolling his eyes, Cullen opens the vial and drinks its contents in a long gulp, face grimacing at the aftertaste. “Good boy. Take a sip of the brandy while I pick up the meal.”

Picking up the bottle from the nightstand, Cullen takes a long gulp, washing away the bitter taste of the potion. He still had the vial on his hands when Dorian’s head appears on the hole. A tray filled to the rim of pots shows next, the clattering sound of it making Cullen ask himself how the mage has done it to climb the ladder with it on his hands. Picking up the tray from the floor, Dorian returns to the bed, pushing away Cullen’s leg to let himself fall on it. “You need to ask for a room in the Keep. I refuse to risk my neck every day to bring your food up there.”

Cullen is feeling the pressure that lived with him for the past months lifting from his head, the numbness of the potion doing its magic is a welcomed one. “You don’t have to bring me food, Dorian. I can take care of myself.”

“Sure! You have been doing very well since I meet you!” Cullen can swear that he can feel the sarcasm washing over him. “No way I’m going to leave you again under your poor care. You will ask Lavellan for a room inside, or I will do, and I will mortar the access to your tower.” Cullen is crossing his arms, retort ready on the tip of his tongue. “Don’t make me send a letter to Mia, Cullen.” That silences the Commander definitively, and Dorian can’t hide the grin on his face. “I will nurse you to health even if you hate me after that. I won’t let my only friend here go to waste for being the most stubborn man I ever knew.” He pushes the tray in his direction, lowering his gaze to look at the food. “Let’s see what Cassandra had sent for us.”

Picking up a piece of bread, Cullen waits until Dorian moves his hand closer to the food to grab it and squeeze it. “Thank you, Dorian. It will be my pleasure to let you nurse me.”

“My oh my, Cullen. I will remember you this words as soon as you are feeling well enough. But yes, it will be your pleasure, my friend.”

[ramblinganthropologist]

Inkjournal Day 22- A place to visit

Summary: Kaaras and Akri get to go home to visit their parents. Thanks to some evil plans by Jackel, Emerion Lavellan gets to learn first hand that there’s a special person in his son’s life. Will it go over well? And will Ena ever give her older brother the time of day? Who knows, babies are weird. Word count: 1408

---

Some days, it was just nice to wake up at home.

“Ma, I sling spells for a living. I got this.”

“And I have it with my tools just fine, imekari. Let me.”

Kaaras had to suppress a chuckle as he watched the scene in front of him. Both Akri and their mother, Herah, were crouched in front of the same broken sword. The mage was armed with his magic, while the craftswoman had her various tools. Both were more than equipped to handle the fix, it was just a question of who got their first.

Knowing his mother, it would be her.

“Are they still going at it?” A hand rested on his shoulder, causing him to look up. Emerion, his father, was standing there with his youngest child in his arms. Ena, or so they had said her name was, looked as though she had just woken up from a nap. “It's been an hour already.”

“Akri gets his stubbornness from Mamae.” Kaaras moved to the side to allow his father to sit. He gave his baby sister a little wave, to which he got nothing in return. She was still a little shy around him, and preferred to hide in the shoulder of whoever was holding her. Not that he could blame her – they had really just met.

She was cute, though.

It had been a while since he had been home; four years since his last count. Children who had once been apprentices to clan Lavellan's various hunters and craftsmen now wore their new vallaslin proudly, and some even had students of their own. His parents and extended family looked a little gray around the temples, but their smiles were the same, even as he came back with a glowing death hand courtesy of a shem cult. It was a rare visit, thanks to the clan's close location to Skyhold, and one he and his small group had been dying to take.

“Bori's dying to see what you've learned, Kaas.” Emerion winced as Ena made a quick grab for his hair, and he barely missed her tiny fist. “Don't be surprised if he wants to see if you're ready. I already said I'd support it.”

That was maybe one of the benefits of having the clan's second as his father. Still, Kaaras felt his heart beat a little faster as he slowly processed what he had said. Some logical part of him had known it would be a possibility upon coming home, but actually hearing it was another thing.

He didn't get to respond, however. A familiar weight settled across his shoulders as Jackel launched herself from a tree. Even above his head, he could smell the caramel she had been gorging on. Apparently, he wasn't the only one happy to be home.

“Did you put in an appearance with Aunt Revas?”

“She said good job on the stabbing and gave me a hug.” She tossed a square of caramel down to him. “Hey, Uncle Em. How's my best cousin doing?”

Ena cooed and waved one of her pudgy little hands in the elves direction, much to Kaaras' mild jealousy. However, she looked so cute when she did it that he didn't have it in him to be annoyed for too long. After all, they were just meeting. She would come to like him eventually.

At least he hoped so.

Emerion chuckled as he watched his niece settle in. “She's going to outgrow you before she's ten, I swear. Even the boys didn't grow this fast. I think she's taken after her mamae. Aren't you, da'len?”

The baby giggled as in front of her, the professional disagreement between mother and son raged on. They were switching languages so rapidly that at times, even those fluent in them would have trouble keeping up. However, judging on the pointing fingers, they were getting to the heart of the issue.

Jackel echoed what Kaaras was thinking with a bored expression. “Nerds.”

“Hey, one of those is the mother of my children.”

“You're a nerd who has a taste in nerds, Uncle Em. Nerd taste runs in the damn family.” It might have been Kaaras' imagination, but he swore Jackel shot him a look as she climbed off his shoulders. “I just stopped by to say hi. Ada wanted me for something. I'll see you both later.”

With a wave, she was gone. That left father and son alone, watching as the other half of their family continued to disagree on methods of fixing a sword. It was as if no time had passed at all, except for the fact there was a tiny bundle of adorable watching with them.

Emerion was a smart man, though. He gave his son a knowing look that made Kaaras' face heat up. All he could look at was a nearby tree, pretending as though the fall foliage interested him more than anything else. Even after four years, he was a shit liar, and he knew it.

Some rogue he was.

“From what Akri told me, I wouldn't exactly call The Iron Bull a nerd.” The man's tone was level as he bounced his small daughter to her gleeful delight. “So... is there someone special in your life you haven't mentioned?”

It was such an innocent question, but Kaaras could still feel the sweat begin to trickle down the back of his neck. He swallowed hard, half praying that Herah and Akri would finish their fight and provide a distraction. Of course they didn't – from the sound of things they were still disagreeing over what was the strongest bond for ironbark.

The one time he needed them, and they weren't there to save his ass.

Still... he snuck a look over towards the elf. He hadn't gotten upset when his younger son had revealed his lover's identity. There was a small chance that he would make out similarly. Of course, Bull had the advantage of being qunari.

Dorian... well... how well would the son of a magister go over?

“There... may be someone, yes.” Kaaras chose his words carefully as he fiddled with a loose thread on his sleeve. “I met him through the Inquisition.”

Next to him, Emerion snorted. “Do any of my children like women?”

“Be careful, Ena might grant your wish.” The sudden levity caused the younger man to feel just a little better. “He's... human. A mage, actually. Bit of a strange one, but he's nice.”

Dorian would hate him for it, but he left off the devastatingly handsome looks and genius level intellect. If his parents ever met him in person, they could find that out for themselves. Of course, if that day actually came he might actually die of anxiety.

Emerion nodded, still bouncing Ena. “He better be nice, or I'd hex him. Nobody can be rude to my little Kaas under my watch.”

There was a long pause before he added, “It's good you found someone like this mystery human mage. Do I at least get a name so I know who to curse to the gods at night?”

And now Kaaras was chuckling again, the last of his nerves evaporating away like the rain after a sudden storm. It got his baby sister giggling as well, which was a marked improvement over her shy glances behind their father's shoulder. Maybe a few laughs were all he needed to loosen her up.

The giggling stopped Herah and Akri mid disagreement. Two pairs of violet eyes turned to face the small group of redheads gathered to watch them argue, confusion written over both their faces. In this case, it really was like mother, like son.

“Is something funny?”

It was the mage who answered as he waved his hand. “Oh no, just trying to get details about Kaas' mystery lover. He's being ever so tight lipped about him.”

Only a second passed before a downright evil gleam filled Akri's eyes. Kaaras' cheeks started to heat up even before he spoke. Somehow, the visit home had gone from peaceful to being drilled over his love life by both sets of parents in the near blink of an eye.

If he hadn't known better, he would've sworn Jackel had planned it. Maybe next time he wouldn't take her chocolate away after all if that was how she retaliated.

She just plain fought dirty.

[dragon-tooth-collection]

Questions for Inquisitor: 14, 21, 33, 45

I answered a couple of these for The Boy already, so both Inquisitors get to be featured in this answer, hooray~

(i just really like pairing these two shots together)

Answers under the cut.

[Questions for your Inquisitor] - [Feel free to send some in~]

14: Which advisor did they listen to more often?

Answered for Adam here

Shaelyn tended to go with Josephine's proposals as well, but for slightly different reasons. When rumors of the Herald of Andraste being a 'savage' started circulating, she decided she'd show the Inquisition's political adversaries just how ‘savage’ she could be, by showing them so much civility and grace that they'd have to take note. Take that, shems.

Of course, she too wasn't above occasionally resorting to Leliana's more underhanded methods if a situation called for it, and she did approve a show of force here and there, if only to humor her future husband.

21: Which person did they flirt with for the first time? How did their relationship with that person evolve?

Somehow this is almost embarrassing to admit, but Adam totally flirted with Cassandra first. It was mostly to see how she'd react to it because he's kind of a butthead like that, but there's no denying the allure of anyone who's that good with a sword.

He flirted a little with nearly everyone at first because again, that's just sort of what he's like, and the typical responses are usually amusing awkwardness or making someone feel good about themself for a bit, so it's worth it to him. Though he might have overdone it just a little with Cassandra and it caused a pretty damn awkward conversation about his feelings for Dorian. Adam, because he has his moments, thinks she's just asking about it because she's secretly into romance and all.

It didn't hit him until he got about half-way across the courtyard, and he felt like A Huge Butt about it. The two of them worked all that out like the adults they are, and still became very close friends who vowed to have each other's backs, no matter what their future endeavors might be.

33: Which place at Skyhold does your Inquisitor spend the most time at?

It's hard to name one single place, since he bounds around so much, though there are a few places for a game of "where the hell is the Inquisitor" to end:

The tavern. It's just a chill place to hang out, get some food and drinks, and maybe even play some songs for the lucky patrons.

The main hall, Skyhold's center of activity. While entertaining visiting dignitaries and other kinds of stuffy highborns isn't exactly Adam's favorite thing, there's plenty of other people coming in and out he can catch a conversation with. Sometimes it's a fun place to fill with music, too.

He likes heights, being part mountain goat and all, so sometimes he'll stroll the ramparts. It would be a nice walk on a nice day, a chance for some quiet reflection, or a way to calm himself down when he gets frustrated or hit with a bad case of the sads.

He spends a lot of time in his quarters too, and usually he doesn't mind visitors (or slumber parties), but it's probably a good idea to knock first

45: Herb Garden or Chantry Garden? Templar Tower or Mage Tower? Infirmary or Practice Ground?

Answered for Adam here

Shaelyn's first two are the same:

An herb garden with a vast variety of plants, many of which were used commonly used in the Lavellan clan for all sorts of purposes. Shaelyn always carries a satchet of herbs on her for quick field remedies, so being able to easily restock at Skyhold, no foraging required, is incredibly handy.

Being a mage herself, obviously she went the mage tower route, and even spent a lot of time there herself, comparing her upbringing as a Dalish mage to those who grew up in the Chantry's Circles.

The difference between her and Adam is Skyhold's courtyard remained quiet, converted to an infirmary area that promoted healing through calmness. Though I like to think Skyhold still has an infirmary somewhere else, because I mean like, that would be kind of a dick move if it didn't, you know?

[pregnantcornbread]

Mass Effect: Andromeda - Choices, romance, further questions.

So, I preordered Mass Effect: Andromeda to be delivered to me via courier on release day. Why? I absolutely loved Dragon Age: Inquisition, and loved BioWare’s style. The hard choices you have to make actually make a difference in the story, as do your personality and influence (not like TellTale’s Walking Dead series, who promote that your choices matter, when actually, they really don’t, the story continues regardless). In DA: I, I was a female hunter Lavellan, with not-so pointy ears (which made a difference how the other elves interacted with me), and a Ghilan'nain vallaslin (which endeared me to the halla herders). I originally romanced Blackwall, but when he left, I went full Cullen, a satisfying relationship filled with awkward coughs, innuendo, and drug withdrawal – and frequent visits to the ramparts for ‘alone time.’ I spent over 300 hours completing every side quest, relishing in new environments, killing everything bad in sight, trying not to whine when all the important choices somehow fell to me (including what is to be done with a man who is flinging goats at my stronghold) and taking down all the dragons. I never felt tired playing that game, the ‘fetch’ quests were fun due to the party banter (hint: if you have your romantic interest in your party, things get hilarious!), and the lovability of your party, well developed characters who don’t just rehash the same lines all the time (except in fight mode: “Solas needs help” is still ringing in my ears, after all this time). The DLC was quite well crafted as well (although The Descent is possibly my least favourite – why am I collecting mugs in the deep roads again? Trespasser had a great ending, and gave you another change to mix it up with your crew). So my expectations were quite high with ME: Andromeda.

After spending a quick five minutes deciding on a male or female Ryder, I chose the obvious. After having to play countless RPG’s as a man (Far Cry, Shadow of Mordor, Sleeping Dogs, GTA:V, Witcher), I chose a woman, because yeah, I am one. I spent an hour fixing my Sara to look like a human rather than whatever the preset was. My Sara, in the design part, sort of looked like a young Mary Steenburgen. Satisfied with my choice, I got on my merry way with the game. Upon waking up out of cryo, I saw everything that was wrong with my Sara’s face, the shading was shitty, the skin was terrible, her nose was way bigger, her eyes looked purple in some lights (instead of deep blue) and what was up with her goddamn eyebrows? But in some scenes, she actually looked like the Sara I had designed. Rather than spend another hour redesigning her face, I decided to roll with it and keep her. It was a good choice, because she looked like present day Mary Steenburgen with worse skin and a neck tattoo, and looked like she had seen some shit and could handle her shit, rather than some prim and proper pathfinder’s daughter who was only on the ark because her dad said so.

End game spoilers ensue, so please read at your own peril:

The following is split up into three parts: My choices in the game, romance, and post-game questions.

My game is at 111 hours and 98% completion. There were two quests that I did not finish before completing the game (excluding the medicine quest after Herbal Entrepeneurs, because it was bugged) – ‘Path of Hero’ and ‘Aid Apex’ (because I killed all the architects before I got the mission, and so had no option to scan them). Post game, these quests are no longer available to me.

My Choices:

Sometimes I would leave the game running for hours while deliberating on a choice. My first choice was whether or not to have a scientific outpost or a military outpost on the first world, Eos. As your advisors tell you, what you choose will reflect on how the initiative is seen in the eyes of possible intelligent life in the system, and will set the standard of what you intend to do in the system. I chose a scientific outpost – less “we’re coming to invade you”, more “we’re just here to live and learn.”

First murderer: I chose to release Nilken, because intent is not a crime, but I also didn’t speak to his wife outside the jail, so his secret was not exposed.

Vehn Terev: I gave him to the resistance, because interfering with Angaran justice wasn’t the right play.

Path of a Hero: I spoke to Kerri, but declined her offer, as I was just new to this pathfinding business, and didn’t feel that I could offer any nuggets of wisdom. Then I forgot about it and it failed the quest. Meh.

Reyes Vs Kelly: Both are terrible choices for leaders, but at the time, I wanted to see where a romance with Vidal would go, I played it out, and was disappointed, but in my do-over, I still let Kelly die, because she was quite evil. Even though Reyes was a tosser for cheating, he still seemed the better hand.

Angaran AI: I gave the Angaran the AI, because I didn’t feel right about keeping it for myself – and potentially angering the Angara.

Secret Water reservoir: I let the Angara merchant keep the water in reparations for the outcasts killing her brother, and to prevent the Nexus from becoming a thoroughly colonising body in Elaaden.

Drive Core: This one was a bit fuzzy for me, because I was also doing the quest with the AI saboteurs, and they were talking about Overload (I think), a program about a weaponised AI, and Drack was sending me emails about Overload Morda, so I thought that Morda was a weaponised AI. I ended up scanning Knight’s hideout a little too thoroughly, which made her people hostile to me, and she ended up being sniped on the Nexus. Alain vows revenge, which is unfortunate, because SAM made him walk again. After finishing a few more quests, I came back to Elaaden and I ended up trusting Morda with the drive core, because pissing off all the Krogan was not my idea of ‘peace among worlds.’ Also, after all the shit the Krogan have been through, the Krogan need a voice at the table – they didn’t even get their own pathfinder!

Avitus Rex: Rex became a pathfinder, because he was out finding Turians when the Turians weren’t.

Sarissa’s Fate: I couldn’t let Sarissa keep her position after all that dickery that got her Pathfinder killed. It may not have been the smart move, but although she was the best person for the job, a huntress without her squad’s support will not go far. Also, I don’t think I could have looked at Cora if I agreed to lie to everyone about it. If Tann (number eight in line) can be the director, why can’t Valderia?

Salarian doctor: Ehh, what a moral dropkick. He got jail.

Exaltation facility: I let it stand, for further help in the final mission.

Salarian Pathfinder: This one was heartbreaking. A female Salarian who is an actual trained pathfinder (would have been the only one in my crew), who is captured trying to rescue her people despite my commands to get the f out of there vs Drack’s dime a dozen Krogan scouts. I had planned on saving the Krogan scouts beforehand, and had Drack in my party, but while I was doing this mission, I was really torn. If I choose the Salarian, the Krogan won’t trust or respect me, but if I chose the scouts, I would get further support from the Krogan, with no real consequences on the Salarian side. Whatever I chose, I would be taking a side, with consequences down the line. I went with ‘Krogan lives matter,’ despite sacrificing the most badass Salarian, ever. I mean, every Salarian would want to mate with her just for the prestige!

Kill code: While it may come to bite me in DLC or sequels, I used it, just to get it out of the way. I don’t trust Primus to honour his deal in the future.

Ambassador: I loved Morda for the choice (just to spite Tann), and Bradley would have been a good second, but I ended up conceding power to the Moshae, I believe she was the smart choice. Although I had enough of a presence to unite the Angara and the Initiative, the Moshae would not be swayed by outside or inside influence. If I chose Hayjer, the Krogan would hate me, as much as “Krogan lives matter,” Morda would only act in favour of the Krogan and Clan Nackmor, and possibly make a heated attack against the Salarians/Turians in retaliation for the genophage, and Bradley, well, I could be accused of being specist.    

  Romance:

This is where I think the game could use improvements. It is pretty disappointing if you are FemRyder or a MaleRyder who doesn’t romance Cora (the extreme effort put in this relationship compared to the minimal effort of the others is quite disappointing – they actually kiss properly and there’s thrusting!).

Look at those two humanoids realistically kissing!

The lack of dialogue choices means that relationships become boring and quickly. While in DA:I, the cut away sex scenes did hold a little to imagination, that fact that you could go and talk to your interest during long, arduous missions and sneak away for a little kiss cut scene helped keep your interest in them, and having them in your party was always a hilarious time (“Keep your eyes off the Inquistor’s behind!”). While playing the game, you get a sense of your SO and your squadmates, their endearing and not-so endearing traits, it almost felt like they’re almost real people. DA:I is a well-fleshed out, well-written RPG, and the relationships are defining trait of this game – I’m sure that if all there was to do was going around killing things, I probably wouldn’t care. Instead, you help Cullen get off his lyrium addiction, let Iron Bull teach you your umm… limits, hunt around trying to find the perfect gift for Sera (much to the utter dismay of your compatriots), read terrible poetry to Cassandra, strong-arm a fop for Dorian’s pendant, save a spirit with Solas, challenge Josephine’s fiancée to a duel, save Leliana from spy assassins, and want to give Blackwall the coward another chance.  

The last major RPG I played that had multiple romance options was Fallout 4, and I romanced MacCready, Cait, Piper (just to shut her up – every time I’d talk to her, she’d want something more - ehhhhgghh), Danse and Curie (to also shut her up). Having one romance option in FO4 became too tedious, the only thing that changes is their scripted dialogue when they wake up next to you, so I romanced others to see what they said – because I honestly didn’t care about romance in that game because it was so flat.

Here’s who I romanced in ME:A (usually by flirting with everyone and then seeing what happens):

Liam – I started off flirting with Liam because he seemed interesting, until he quickly didn’t. His dialogue doesn’t change. You can’t really flirt with him in between missions after you’ve had a one night stand, and he’s so boring, I’d rather eject myself out of an escape pod than deal with him. If you go the whole game with Liam, he makes you a jump pack, but is it really worth it for being bored to death?

Vidal – I quite liked having someone off the ship to avoid a HR nightmare, but it turns out that after you become exclusive and dance with Reyes, that’s it – that’s your big romantic scene. Reyes becomes a chatterbox of nothing after that.

Jaal – Jaal is interesting, and unknown, and kind of reminds you of a perfect, dreamy boyfriend who is too in touch with their feelings, and you stay with them because you don’t want to deal with the fallout if you break up with them, because they’ll probably kill themself. Rocking a sexy, deep voice, I was almost convinced to be in a relationship with him, if not for Jaal’s confusing switch between Vulcan logic and hopeless romantic during the course of a conversation. Jaal is a warm space Mufasa, and will tell you what you want to hear, but his sex scene kinda sucked. Although the post coitus (?) debrief with Lexi is quite hilarious.

Vetra – I’m not sure if I didn’t flirt enough with Vetra, or if she didn’t want to be with me because I told Sid off – a lot, but perhaps it was never meant to be. My codex reads that Vetra hopes that we can be friends, so perhaps admonishing Sid worked against me.

Suvi – I didn’t flirt with her at the beginning, and I decided against a relationship with Suvi because her sex scene was awkward/awful.

Which leads to my commitment for the game:

Peebee is the one with the purple jacket… not young Sarah Paulson rocking the undercut…

Peebee – Peebee is a thorn in your arse from the moment she joins your crew. Rem-tech this, remnant structures that. Tight-lipped, evasive, and a motor-mouth, she’s a bit like Sera from DA:I, but a bit more grown up. She has limited long-range fighting skills, so bringing her to anything bigger than a small raider camp firefight is pointless. She insults Vetra, Liam, and Cora, but has some quite funny conversations with Jaal (interspecies breeding) and Drack (about their age). Liam and Cora, even during the final stages of the game, relentlessly question her loyalty. I chose Peebee because her storyline was the most interesting, as opposed to other potentials (Liam – “Hey, I’m a boring human too.” Jaal – “I’m an alien, meet my mothers, I moisturise my neck flaps.” Vidal – bad boy Han Solo). I turned down Peebee’s offer of casual sex, because at the time I didn’t want anything to do with her, so I told her that I’d want more to get her to leave me alone, and I didn’t want a Liam thing – where you have a one night stand once and then all of a sudden they want you to commit. But I kept flirting with her, regardless, recycling the “I like it when you flirt” dialogue whenever I got on the ship. I couldn’t do that with Liam, Jaal, or Reyes. Turns out, the more I learned about Peebee, through doing her loyalty missions, the more endeared I became towards her. From being tight-lipped and evasive to slowly trickling out interesting snippets – like her relationship with Kalinda, and her rem-tech project, she started to grow on me as I realised that she was not like the others, who give you all the information up front and you spend the rest of the game cycling through dialogue that you first heard 70 hours ago, with minor changes mirroring your progression in the story. You have to prove to her that you’re trustworthy. If you do commit to a relationship with her, and reciprocate her trust - it leads to a pretty explicit sex scene – complete with Asari melding. While the mechanics of the scene are quite awkward with FemRyder’s weird facial features – she looks like she’s super confused and not enjoying it all – trusting Peebee enough not to leave you brain dead during the first time she has melded with someone, and having Peebee trust you enough to meld with you makes the relationship all that more worthwhile. While I’m all for space boinking, Peebee’s relationship was less about the physicality of the act of boinking, and more about the trust and emotional connection inherent in the relationship, which I felt was satisfying. Post-meld Peebee has some killer dialogue aboard the Nomad, inviting Cora over for a pyjama sleepover, faking extreme horniness to get Jaal to admit that he was faking being asleep, and at the end, when you ask her ‘what am I going to do with you?’ she offers to make you a list. But the relationship and closeness doesn’t really go anywhere near the level of a relationship that DA:I does, due to the stunted dialogue choices. Although, I hope I didn’t get Peebee pregnant.

Post-Game Mysteries:

The ending scenes kind of set up the unfinished issues for the DLC/sequels – Primus wanting to kettify everyone, exploring Meridian, understanding the Jaardan, finding all the other lost arks, how many more useless solar systems are around, etc. Some questions remain, though. Say if I find a way to fix Ellen Ryder, what could she add to the story, other than my mother being there? She may be able to assist with new gadgets for players who chose a biotic route, or will she just serve as a ‘bringing your romantic attachment home to mum’ trope? Should we care about Jian Garson’s death and the mysterious benefactor? You learn during the game that the Milky Way has been fucked over by the Reapers, but we can’t save them, should we care?

After finding out why Alec Ryder made Sara the Pathfinder, all I wanted to do was talk to Cora about it – she wasn’t “looked over” and the promotion was to protect Alec’s secrets (i.e. Ellen on board, Milky Way gone to shit). I felt like my number two deserved an explanation, rather than sullenly assisting the other untrained Pathfinders on the Nexus (who did nothing, by the way – go out and bloody Pathfind – it’s not that hard!). I noticed that after ‘Journey to Meridian,’ Cora seemed cold, and would barely speak to me. Perhaps she was disappointed in me choosing Peebee, or perhaps SAM leaked what I found out to Cora. Will I ever get the chance to tell Cora about it?  

During the pre-prologue descision making process, you get to choose if you want a Male Shepard, or a FemShep (your ME:3 save has no bearing over this game). I went with a FemShep, like my ME:3 counterpart. Did I hear Jennifer Hale during the game? No. Does it even make a difference? Unknown.

After leaving Meridan and coming back to talk to everyone, some questions remain. During the epilogue, you meet the new crew responsible for Meridian. After you come back, the Australian implores you to go and find the sprog (a baby). Every time I see Addison, I ask about the baby that was born on a spaceship flying away from the Kett, who I suggested the family settle on Eos (no way was I going to get that lady on the Nexus – she’d have hated it!), but when I’m in Prodromos, I can’t find the baby. If that baby has been stolen by the Kett, I swear – I will hurt Bradley!

Further questions: Will Lexi and Drack ever get together? Will Vetra find love? Will Peebee take Jaal’s offer to try Asari-Angaran reproduction? Will the Nomad ever get some tunes? Will Drack live to see great-grandfatherhood? Will Cora hook up with Scott? If I agreed to sign up for Jill’s insemination program, and Peebee was carrying my child, could I raise them as siblings? How would my FemRyder deal with being a father?

What would happen if the Jaardan came back to Meridian to check on their experiments? What happens if the scourge takes over Meridian? Have I screwed over all of humanity by settling them there?    

[jentrevellan]

Summary: A modern AU setting of Thedas! … Lyla Lavellan is heading to Skyhold University, after dropping out of her previous uni. A distance relationship with her boyfriend Solas in Denerim is put under strain but she soon becomes fast friends with her new housemates, classmates and work colleagues, including uni drop-out Cullen Rutherford.

Read on Ao3 -> Read on FF -> Artwork by @lillotte17

Chapter 7: Lyla

“Are we friends?”

I look up from my desk. I’ve been pouring over the textbooks ready to start uni next week and I didn’t hear Sera come up. She stands in my doorway, leaning against the frame, looking down at her feet. Strange; it’s rather meek of her.

“Of course we are - well, I hope we are,” I smile.

She shuffles into my room and sits on my bed. I swivel in my chair and turn my music down. “What’s up?”

“You really wanna know?” she asks, twisting her hands in front of her.

I frown. “Only if you want to tell me,” I say gently.

She puffs her cheeks, starts a sentence a few times before blurting out: “What’s the deal with Solas?”

It’s as if a bucket of ice has been chucked over me. I blink several times before saying in a voice, more level than I feel; “W-what do you mean?”

“Sorry, but I don’t like him.”

I take a steadying breath. “Sera-”

“Does he hurt you?”

I stare at her, repeating her question in my mind. Does he hurt me? Oh, yes he does. Can I tell her that? Can I tell anyone that? No.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I say carefully, turning back in my chair to my work. I thumb a page in a textbook and pretend to write down a note. “Solas and I are just going through a… rough patch, that's all,” I explain patiently, my voice surprisingly level.

Sera doesn't reply. A few minutes later she gets up with a huff and stalks out of my room, slamming the door behind her. I stare at the back of my bedroom door, feeling empty. It takes me a few minutes to notice the tears spilling from my eyes. Droplets fall on my notes, blurring the ink, so I wipe my eyes furiously. I push myself up from my chair and flop down on my bed, bringing a pillow of my face, as I sob silently into it. I don’t feel anything, and that’s what scares me. It’s almost as if I’m still sat at my desk, watching a girl cry but feeling no emotional attachment, like a dull television show.

I know Sera is trying but I cannot tell anyone. What would Solas do if he found out I had told a friend - or anyone for that matter - that I think he’s abusing me? To be fair, I’ve never really brought the subject up with him. Maybe… maybe he doesn’t realise that he’s hurting me.

I steady my breathing and pull my pillow away. Yes, that’s got to be it. I’m not abused. Neither of us know any better. First relationship. All the magazines and movies say that communication is key. My stomach clenches - when was the last time we actually sit down and talked? Have we… ever?

My phone buzzes on my desk. I reach forward look at the ID, noting a text from Cullen. But the caller ID takes up most of the screen. It’s a picture of Solas and I over a year ago. I’m smiling in the picture. Was I happy?

I swipe my phone to answer the call. “Heya,” I say, voice muffled from little crying fit I’d had.

“Hey, wass sup? Wanna time face me nude? Heh. I wanna see all of you.”

His words are slurred. I feel sick. “I, ah, I look a mess. And I’m studying. Maybe later?”

“Oh, come ooon.” he says, drawing out his words.

“No,” I snap. I can feel myself shaking. Emotions returning.

“Wha-the fuck Ly?”  

Ok, deep breath. “I said no, okay? You’re drunk.”

“So? You're my girlfrien’.”

“I said no.”

“You don’ get to say no to me.”

I bristle. “What?! And what are you going to do about it?” I feel stronger knowing that he’s not here. I would never dare say this to his face.

A harsh laugh makes my toes curl in disgust. “You want to be punished? Oh yeah you do. I can do tha’ when I see you.”

“Oh, and when will that be? You never visit me. I always have to visit you.” It’s what’s been on my mind for months now. But I try to ignore that stray thought that I don’t even want to see him: that it’s my duty to do so.

“Whatever. Are you gonna TimeFace me or no?”

“I said NO,” I practically shout. Not caring that Sera could hear me in the room next door, or Cassandra in the room below.

“Fuck you, Ly.”

I hang up and carefully place my phone on the bedside table. I calmly lie back down on the bed and scream into my pillow.

When I wake in the morning, I’m still dressed in what I was wearing when I cried myself to sleep. I chuckle darkly at the thought. Am I fifteen again, crying myself to sleep? Creators, help me.

I sit up in bed and stretch, rubbing my eyes which feel too big and puffy to be mine. I reach for my phone and finally open the message from Cullen I’d forgotten to check after that disastrous call yesterday.

<Cullen (from work) Rutherford> [You working on Sunday?x]

I check my diary and punch reply, relieved for the distraction.

[Morning! Yeah, but finishing early as I’m starting uni on Monday!x]

He replies almost straight away. I can’t help but smile.

<Cullen (from work) Rutherford> [Oh of course! You’ll be fine: Dorian’s with you for most classes, isn't he?x]

[Not sure if that’s a reassuring notion or not! Do you want a lift to work on Sun?x]

Again, an instant reply. I can’t help but play with that little pendant around my neck. I freeze when I realise what I’m doing and snatch my hand away.

<Cullen (from work) Rutherford> [If that’s ok?? I hate to ask!x]

[Hmm, you just want me for my car! Haha!x]

There’s a slight delay before he replies.

<Cullen (from work) Rutherford> [You know that’s not true.x]

[Haha I know, just winding you up. ;) Of course I’ll give you a lift. Pick you up around 11am?x]

<Cullen (from work) Rutherford> [Amazing - thank you! I owe you a coffee or two!x]

I don’t hesitate in my reply.

[Okay.x]

But then I get no answer. Oh crap, what if he’s taken it the wrong way? Well, part of me wants him to take it the wrong way… wait, did I just admit that? I shake my head and throw my phone to the floor, running my hands through my hair. One battle at a time, I scold myself.

Instead I jump in the shower, noting that Sera’s door is closed, as are Dorian’s and Cassandra’s. I take a long shower, letting the water wash over me, enjoying the warmth. I scrub hard at my skin, hoping it erases the memories of the night before and of that phone conversation. When I’m out the shower and dressed, I pick up my phone and find that I’ve got no calls or texts. It’s a strange mixture of relief and annoyance.

After a few minutes, I dry my hair and braid it loosely before lying back down on my bed. I need to think about things, but I really don’t want to. Part of me wants to hibernate, hoping this will all blow over. I peer over and look at the stack of books on my desk, all new and fresh, ready for the new term to start in two days. I finally pick up my phone again and text Dorian.

[Hey! If I make some hot chocolate, can we study together today?x]

As I wait for a reply, I flick through various social media channels. I end up on BookFace and browse Solas’ profile. I frown at some pictures he’s tagged in. Curiously, I look further and see pictures from last night. He’s at a nightclub (since when did he go clubbing?). His arm around a woman’s shoulders. She’s pecking his cheek. His eyelids are heavy and he’s clearly intoxicated in the snaps, which are a tad blurry. I’m not sure what this bizarre feeling is in my gut. Am I jealous? Envious? Overreacting?

Yes, yes I’m just overreacting.

“Knock knock!” Dorian says from my doorway. I shove my phone under my pillow.

“Hey! Did you get my text?” I fiddle with the pendant distractedly around my neck.

He rolls his eyes. “I did. You do know that we live in the same house, right? One floor below each other?”

I chuckle. “I wasn’t sure you were in,” I say, shuffling up when he comes to sit next to me on my bed.

“Next time why don’t you knock? I’ll even put a handkerchief on the doorknob if I’ve got company,” he winks at me.

Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. “Oh geez, Dorian.”

“Just saying! It could happen!” He reaches to my desk and grabs one of the thicker books. “Ooh, my favourite - political analysis of Ferelden literature form the 4th Age. You ready to begin?”

I grab my note pad and we sit and study together. As I get to know Dorian more and more, I’m beginning to see just how brilliant his mind is. He’s so quick and switched on - I’m lucky to be learning from him. However, his eager eye is almost too eager.

“What’s this?” he says, leaning forward to look at the pendant around my neck.

“Oh! It’s a Jayne Ayres necklace,” I smile, showing him the tiny inscription.

“Did Solas give it to you?”

I snort. “No way. Cullen got it for me actually.”

His eyebrows rise. “Oh, really?”  

“Yeah, for Satinalia… he gets everyone gifts, he said…?” Dorian’s eyebrows rise so high, I think they’re going to disappear in his hairline. “What?” I demand, giving him a gentle shove with my  shoulder.

“Oh, nothing. Let’s move on to Orlesian romance, shall we?”

We fall back into our comfortable study silence, pouring over books and writing notes. He shows me his notes and annotations from last term and by the end of the afternoon, despite being up in my room all day with no breaks, we’ve covered all the work I’d missed. I’m amazed at how well we study together. We lie on my bed - tops and tails - cushions propping us up on either end, books scattered on my bed, empty coffee cups lining my desk.

It’s almost dark when Dorian says, “There’s something vibrating.” I blink at him, trying to comprehend. He shuffles around on my bed, moving my pillows and cushions. “Is it your-”

“It’s my phone, Dorian! My phone!” I say exasperated, but laughing.

He picks it up and to my horror he answers, laughter hitching in my throat. “Hello, this is Dorian.”

There’s a voice on the other end I can't hear. I scramble forward and reach for it, but Dorian is surprisingly strong and effortlessly manages to still hold the phone whilst dodging my grabbing hands. Panic sets in - shit, what if it’s Solas?

“Oh, I’m sorry, she’s rather busy right now,” he says in a bored voice.

I try not to scream. If Solas is on the other end, I… I don’t know what I’m going to do. I struggle harder, knowing Dorian is only jesting, teasing me as friends do, but Solas won’t understand. He won’t see it that way! He’ll think I’m cheating on him with Dorian! Creators, help me!

“So why don’t you tell me about this necklace, hmm?”

I freeze, eyes widening. Dorian smirks.

“And where’s my present?” he scoffs. “All right, I’ll pass you over - hang on.” He holds the phone out to me. “Cully Wully, for you.”

I snatch my phone out of his hands, and he barks out a laugh. I tug my hair behind my ears and clear my throat. “Um, hello Cullen.”

“Hey - please ignore Dorian… please?” his voice hums on the other end. I ignore my stomach flipping. I’m just relieved it’s not Solas, aren't I? Creators, my emotions are a mess.

“OK I’ll ignore him,” I chuckle, peering at Dorian, who’s watching me closely.

“Look, I’m sorry to call, but Blackwall’s just phoned in sick. Can you come and work this evening instead of Sunday?”

“Of course,” I say instantly.

A relieved sigh. “Amazing, thank you so much.”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes - that okay?”

“More than okay,” he says. My face warms.

“Alright, see you in a bit.”

“Bye.”

I hang up and glare at Dorian. “What?”

He hums and twirls his moustache. “Oh, nothing, nothing.”

“Dorian-” I begin and his smile fades. My voice broke. Oh crap, are those hot tears? Shit!

“What is it?” he asks, face now full of concern.

“I… please, I don't want to sound horrid, but please don’t answer my phone. If that had been Solas then…”

“Then what?” he presses.

“Solas would’ve flipped a lid,” Sera says from my doorway. I jump up, startled. “I’m right, aren’t I?” she says, arms folded.

I chew my lip and turn away, pulling open my wardrobe, searching for my bar clothes. I hate that she’s right, and I think she knows that. But I can’t… I mustn’t speak.

“What on earth are you prattling on about?” Dorian asks as I quickly pack my bag.

“Solas is-.”

“Drop it, Sera,” I warn quietly. I rummage under my bed for my shoes and pull them on, not looking at either of them.

She strides into my room. “No, I won’t drop it! I’ve seen your arms!” Her face is so close to mine, that as I stand, I can see every little freckle on her cheeks.

Dorian stands. “Sera, what-”

“Your arms!” Sera demands.

I take a breath. “I don’t know what you’re on about,” I say calmly, pushing past her, hoisting my bag on my shoulder and running down the stairs. I don’t even say farewell to either of them.

By the time I finally arrive at the pub, my strange mix of anger, fear and - well - just that strange conflict of emotions disappears as soon as I push through the doors. The pub is packed full, mainly with Skyhold rugby fans, all slopping beers, singing awful chants and generally just getting merrily smashed. And let me tell you that being sober, in a strange state of emotions and working in a roomful of sports fans, is not really that much fun.

I slip through the crowds and behind the bar, shimmying past Cullen and Maryden who don’t even clock that I’ve arrived. I dash upstairs, throw my bag on the sofa in the staff room and quickly ready myself by pinning on my apron and brushing myself down. I hold a hair bobble between my teeth as I pull my hair into a messy bun and pause: my eyes are still red and puffy. Did I cry on my way over here? The drive to work is a bit of a blur.

And so I rummage in my handbag for foundation, eyeliner or any sort of makeup but - Fen’harel take me! I’ve got nothing. I’ll have to go down on the bar floor looking like a right state. How did I end up like this? Never mind - I’m sure that the business of the pub downstairs will, no doubt, keep me occupied, so these nasty thoughts won’t have time to filter through and throw me off-balance. I remember that Cullen said he keeps himself busy to distract him from Kirkwall. I wonder if that technique will work for me too, as I try to forget this mess I’m in?

Minutes later I’m behind the bar, working between Maryden and Cullen, pouring pints, making spirits and counting out change. As I stand and take a breath pulling a large order of beer, Cullen slides up next to me, using a different tap.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey yourself,” I grin, tilting the pint glass with one hand, whilst pumping the tap with the other. “Blackwall bailed on your again, huh?” I say conversationally.

“Yep,” he does the same with his pint, before flicking a glance at me. “But I think I prefer working with you.”

I try to ignore that little flip my stomach does at his words. Instead I chuckle and shove him gently with my arm. He realities and does the same, a wicked smile breaking on his face.

“Flatterer,” I say, starting another pint.

He shrugs. “I try.”

We fall back into that satisfactory rhythm of working around each other, even with Maryden - who I’ve only worked with once before - humming around us. As I suspected, those nagging little thoughts have all gone, and despite everything and how tired I am, this evening I feel at my most content. I’m actually enjoying being worked off my feet, of working with a someone who is becoming a good friend. I smile to myself - I really do enjoy working with Cullen. I glance at him just a few inches away, our arms are close enough again that they occasionally brush. His white shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, his apron is mucky over his dark jeans and he’s also smiling, but he’s smiling at me. Shit. I hide my confusion of emotions by pulling a stupid (and probably repulsive) expression on my face. Instead he throws his head back and laughs, little creases cornering his eyes. I have to admit - I like his laugh. Makes me want to laugh. Bugger.

As the evening continues, the bar starts to quieten down as many groups shuffle off to seek nightclubs who will remain open. I glance at the clock, noting that there’s only an hour of serving time left, when a familiar face leans over the bar.

“Hello Lyla,” Cassandra says, her words a little slurred.

Cullen touches my arm, and I move away from the till: it’s a normal gesture we use as we work around one another. And yet I try to ignore the warmth of his hand when it touched my arm.

“Hey Cass,” I beam. “What can I get you?”

She purses her lips in thought, looking at the rows of spirits behind me. “I’ll get eight bottles of… Skyton’s Best Cider,” she says. “Although I might need a hand carrying them.”

I touch Cullen’s arm and he moves past me, whilst I punch Cassandra’s order in on the till.

“I’ll carry them over,” Cullen says, glancing at Cassandra.

“It’s alright,” I say, opening the cash drawer. “I’ll clear some of the tables at the same time.”

He nods and moves down the bar to start serving another group of rugby fans. I flick off the bottle caps for each beer and place them on a serving tray before dashing round to the other side of the bar next to Cassandra, who takes a few bottles. I lift the tray onto my shoulder and follow her through the crowds, until we arrive at a corner booth full of rugby players.

“Lyla, this is Iron Bull, the captain of the rugby team,” she says, sitting down next to the huge Qunari.

I place the tray on the table and hand out the beers. “Nice to meet you, Iron Bull,” I say, slightly intimidated. He’s got an eyepatch and a very chiselled jaw. Creators - I do not want to get on the wrong side of him.

But I blink when he roars with laughter at my obvious expression. Cassandra rolls her eyes. “Don’t let his appearance fool you: he’s a big teddy bear, really.”

“Haha, although not on the playing field, am I right boys?” he shouts to the group around him. They raise their bottles and cheer.

I look at Cassandra. “I should get back to work,” I say and with a wave head back to the bar, clutching the empty tray to my chest. I pause at empty tables and pile it up with empty glasses and bottles before winding back to the bar. I put the full tray down with a sigh, and freeze when a hand touches my back.

“Hey darlin’,” a man drawls from behind.

I spin on the spot, hands grasping the edge of the table, only to find myself cornered by a large Ferelden man. His breath stinks of beer and his eyes are sagging with intoxication. I try to hide my repulsion as he leans a hand on the table so he’s eye level with me.

“Wha’ time do ya clock-off?” he says, not abashed at all as his eyes look me up and down.

My gut twists with distaste. “Sorry, I’m taken,” I reply with a forced smile, moving to push past him, but his reactions are fast, considering he’s so drunk, and a hand clasps my elbow tightly. With a wave of nausea, I notice that it’s a similar grip to the one Solas has grasped me with before.

I take a staying breath. “Please let me go,” I say.

He grins, clutching my elbow tighter. “Not until you give me your number.”

“HEY!” a voice behind the bar calls, and I think it’s Cullen. And when I think of Cullen and how I like his company and how I really loathe Solas’ at the moment and I think about how unfair this whole mess is; well, I think something inside me snaps.

I bring my knee up and shove it firmly into this guy’s crotch. He lets out a little “Oof!” before doubling over, grasping his crown jewels. I clench my jaw and glare, knowing that this probably wasn’t the best idea in the world, but right now, I simply don’t care.

Cullen and Cassandra are both at my side, Iron Bull also here. Bull grabs the groaning guy by the collar of his shirt and pulls him to his feet. “What are you playing at, huh?” he yells, making the whole pub fall silent and watch.

“She-she kneed me!” he gasps, pointing a shaking finger at me.

Cullen stands in front of me, stopping me as I move forward to do, well Creators knows what. Instead his back blocks my view, but I hear his words.

“And you harassed a member of my staff and a friend. Get out. Now,” he says, voice low, dangerous.  

I peer over Cullen’s shoulder and see the fool try and stand and straighten, only for Bull to pick up him so his feet are off the floor, noses pressed together.

“He said GET OUT, did not not hear him?!” Bull roars, saliva spitting over his red face.

The Ferelden man squirms then nods vigorously. Cullen is shaking and I gulp, preparing for our friendship to be halted because, here in this pub, he is technically my boss. But when he turns to look at me - once Bull has escorted the man out - it’s a look that makes me pause. It’s a look of such…genuine care and concern that I see and it’s unnerving me. His eyes soften and he runs a hand through his hair and, if I’m really honest, this shakes me more than this whole incident. And that’s because no-one has ever looked at me like that before - like we’re the only two people in the world. Creators - I’m in trouble.

“Are you okay?” he asks, hand on my upper arm. It’s a gentle touch, one of concern and kindness. My face burns and I look at everything else in the pub except for him.

“Yeah,” I say as casually as possible. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

The pub closes soon after and we fall into the close-down routines. Despite Cullen’s insistence I take a break, I carry on working, desperate to distract myself from these maddening thoughts. I can’t think clearly - and in the last twenty-four hours I’ve not been thinking properly at all. Once the final customers are ushered out and the doors are locked, Cullen leans over the bar, uncaps two bottles of beers and hands one to me.

“What’s this?” I ask.

“An alcoholic beverage called a beer,” he grins.

I roll my eyes. “You’re starting to pick up my sense of humour. It’s not a good sign.” Regardless, I take the bottle, careful to make sure our fingers don’t brush.

“Sure you’re okay?” he asks as Maryden pulls on her jacket.

“Yeah, I’m fine - just mortified,” I admit. “I thought you were going to fire me on the spot.”

He takes a swig of his beer before answering. “I was angry,” he says carefully. “But not at you. Just don’t tell Leliana, okay?” He leans back. “You too, Maryden. Let’s keep this between us.”

“I hear ya,” she calls, picking up her handbag. “Am I ok to leave?”

Cullen nods. “Go ahead - Lyla and I will do the final lock up. Thanks for your help.”

Maryden hesitates by me. “Don’t worry about it, sweets: you know, I punched a guy in the nose on my first week,” she winks before slipping out the pub.

I’m only too aware that we are now alone in the pub. I take another sip of my beer and rack my brains for something to talk about. But now it’s just us two here, I’m very much coming to realise that this man here is stirring something inside that I cannot allow. I’ve had many friends in the past who I’ve had subtle crushes on, but I’ve always been in a relationship with Solas. They’ve been little fancies, harmless flirting. But this is different and I’m terrified. I won’t cross the line, and yet I really want him to. I’m just curious.

As if on cue, my phone in my back pocket vibrates and Solas’s image flashes up. My thumb hovers over the answer button but I glance at Cullen who’s watching me closely.

“I… I should probably get this…” I trail off.

He looks away. “Sure. Of course. I’ll just, ah, finish closing up,” he pushes himself off the bar, leaving his beer and heads up to the office.

The phone buzzes in my hands, and I’m so close to answering, but I don’t. I decline the call and slide my phone back into my pockets, following Cullen upstairs. He sits in the office turning off the lights and locking windows whilst I slip into the staff room and grab my bag. I linger in the office doorway when I see Cullen’s head in his hands, taking a deep breath.

“Cullen?” I ask quietly.

He looks up, eyes weary, a loose curl of hair falling across his forehead. “Sorry - just got a migraine. I’ll finish locking up - you can go if you want.”

“I can give you a lift home…?”

He looks at me, and my stomach flips. I chew my bottom lip and try to ignore the sensation.

Cullen sighs and rubs his chin. “I… I shouldn’t. But thank you. I’ll walk today.”

“Alright then… I… goodnight,” I say. “And thanks again.”

A faint smile on his lips, so brief I think I may have imagined it. “Goodnight, Lyla.”

I back out of the office and head downstairs. The two bottles of beer, still predominately full sit together alone on the bar top. I squeeze my eyes tight shut, blinking back tears. I wipe my eyes, angry at myself, unsure as to why I’m feeling like this. Part of me wants to take both bottles up and sit with him in the office and talk. I know that perhaps a week or so ago I probably would’ve done that. But now… now I remember the whole night and I think of the pendant around my neck.

With much reluctance, I slip out of the pub, leaving the two bottles on the bar. I can’t help to think that in another life, I would be walking up those stairs and letting myself dive headfirst into this mess. But not now. I can’t. As if on cue, my phone buzzes. This time I answer it.

[stardustandash]

Waiting on the Edge of the Abyss (chapter 2)

A Dragon Age Fanfic

Ëonwë Lavellan does not like the fade or tough decisions. Or, I can’t deal with Here Lies the Abyss so here’s a third option. 

Chapter two time!

Read Ëonwë’s first adventure

Read on Ao3

With one ear Dorian listened as Hawke rounded up the remaining Wardens, claiming leadership until such time as the Inquisition decided their fate. Alistair in turn announced that he would be leaving to inform the Wardens as Weisshaupt of the corruption in their ranks and the death of Warden-Commander Clarel. Dorian couldn't care less about the Maker-damned Wardens though, he was far more concerned about the limp body in the commander's arms.

Ëonwë's senses came back slowly. First, he was aware of the cloth beneath him. It was soft, but not the familiar softness of his own bed. There was the taste of elfroot in his mouth, a bright earthy note on his tongue.Then he was aware of the hand holding his own. The thumb gently stroking across his knuckles had familiar callouses. Dorian. He was then aware of the voices. Dorian's was there, murmuring in Tevene, but there were others as well. Was he still at Adamant? How long had he been asleep. The next thing Ëonwë became aware of was the pain. His leg hurt, and his side. Ëonwë would not be surprised if his skull was fractured judging by how it felt like a whole team of dwarves had been mining it from the inside out. His breath must have hitched from the pain, because Dorian broke off his quiet murmurs.

"Lavellan?" asked Dorian in a quiet voice.

Ëonwë tried to answer, but all that came out was a dry moan.

"Come on Amatus, open your eyes for me."

He said it so gently, Ëonwë had to try, just for him. It was an effort, but Ëonwë managed to force his sleep-crusted eyelids apart. Dorian was there, looking worried and ragged, though wearing clean robes. Some time must have passed then. Beyond Dorian Ëonwë could see healers, magical and mundane. This place was familiar, and it took Ëonwë's tired brain a few minutes to realize he was in Skyhold's infirmary.

"Lavellan?"

Dorian's question dragged Ëonwë's attention back to him. His mind felt like pea soup and it was hard to concentrate.

"Wa-water?" Ëonwë asked in a raspy voice.

His throat felt like the hot sands of the Western Approach had been poured down it. Dorian was quick to comply to his request, sliding one hand around Ëonwë's shoulders to help ease him upright enough to drink from the cup Dorian held to his lips. Creators did the movement make his side sting, but the water felt wonderful against his throat.

"Thank you," said Ëonwë.

"You should know I absolutely detest playing nursemaid," said Dorian, but without any of the usual bite. The sarcasm was lost behind the worry that tightened his eyes and deepened the lines around his mouth.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Ëonwë let his gaze roll over Dorian again, assuring himself that the man was fine. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week, and bathed only once in that time, but there were no visible injuries.

"Did you know your library has remarkably little on early Tevinter history?" said Dorian.

Ëonwë only shrugged. Really, he hadn't had time to actually read anything other than reports in months.

"All these gifts to the Inquisition and the best they could do was the Malefica Imperia. Trite propaganda. But if you wanted twenty volumes on whether Divine Galatea took a shit on Sunday, you need look no further."

"Critiquing every book in my library?" Ëonwë grinned. Of course Dorian would be upset that they only had books with the southerners views on his homeland.

"I wouldn't have to, if you could find some rebellious heretic archivist to join the cause."

"Are there rebellious archivists? Other than you that is."

"If Corypheus ever starts burning masterworks of literature I'm sure a few would pop up."

Ëonwë laughed a little at that, though stopped quickly as a flair of pain burst in his side.

"I think I saw something by Genitivi there," said Dorian, beginning to rise.

Something in the way Dorian said that made Ëonwë think that the mage was yelling at him for something other than the fact that his library was lacking.

"What is this really about, Dorian?"

Dorian sat back down with a heavy sigh.

"When we fell into that castle, into the Fade, I thought you were done for," Dorian couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice, and Ëonwë felt utter guilt at causing that sadness. "I don't know If I can forgive you for that moment."

Ëonwë reached for Dorian's hand.

"I'm here, I'm alive, aren't I?" Ëonwë tried to reassure Dorian.

But Dorian shook off Ëonwë's hand. His face was stony and his eyes burned with emotion.

"You sent me ahead, and then didn't follow. For a moment I was certain you wouldn't. I thought 'this is it, this is where I finally lose him forever'. And then you do stumble out of the Fade, and for a second everything is all right. But you had to go and ruin the moment by bleeding all over the damn courtyard and bring that feeling right back."

Ëonwë felt properly chastised. But it hadn't been his intention to scare Dorian. He'd just wanted to make sure everyone who he dragged into that mess managed to get out of it. Creators, Ëonwë felt his age for the first time in a long time. He'd been playing the Inquisitor for too long, forgetting he was not even properly the first of clan Lavellan, forgetting that he was only a few short moons past his twentieth winter. And here he was, not for the first time, lying injured in a shemlen infirmary with too many people waiting for him to get back up and make life changing decisions for them.

"I'm sorry," offered Ëonwë.

Dorian just leaned down to press a soft kiss to his temple before taking his leave. Ëonwë wasn't sure what to do with that. But then a healer came by with a potion that made everything hurt less and he slipped back into a dreamless sleep.

Before he'd managed to make his escape out of the infirmary, many of the inner circle had been by to visit. Solas had been very curious about the Fade, and asked questions until Ëonwë's head spun and he was chased out by a healer to let Ëonwë get some rest. Blackwall had come to give him an update on the Wardens, Sera had snuck him a berry tart, Krem had been by to thank him for bringing back Iron Bull, and Iron Bull had been surprisingly quiet though winked when Ëonwë asked after Dorian. Dorian hadn't been to see him since Ëonwë woke. Neither had his advisors, though Ëonwë suspected it was because they would prefer him to get a moment of rest before diving back into business. He was bored and frustrated by the fourth day, and despite the healers insisting he stay on bedrest for a little while longer, Ëonwë managed to convince one of them with his famed doe eyes that he was fine to walk around with a crutch. This saw him hobbling around Skyhold, taking stock of morale. Everyone was glad to see their Inquisitor out and about, though the atmosphere in the courtyard was sombre. Even the tavern seemed somewhat subdued, though Ëonwë only glanced in as he made his way to where he spied Cassandra slaughtering training dummies.

"I think he's dead, whoever he is," called Ëonwë.

Cassandra spun around, though lowered her blade.

"Inquisitor! Did the healers say you could be up?"

No, but Ëonwë wasn't about to admit it.

"I'm fine. I'm sure there's a whole host of people waiting to hear my report of what happened in the fade."

Ëonwë just wanted to get the whole nightmare over with so he could move past it, preferably on to mending things with Dorian. Cassandra gave him a knowing smile.

"Luckily for you, we just need to hear the part where you were alone. I'll call the others to the war room, meet us there in half an hour."

Ëonwë nodded.

"And Inquisitor, I am glad you made it back to us."

"Thank you," said Ëonwë.

Half an hour. Just enough time to sneak to the gardens. If he was lucky, he could even avoid being hounded by Mother Giselle. Chantry sermons after just seeing the strange apparition of the Divine? Not something Ëonwë really wanted.

The garden was quiet. Morrigan and her son were there, as usual. Morrigan seemed content to watch Kieran while he investigated the various plants Ëonwë had planted from the seeds he collected on his travels. Movement on the battlements caught his attention. It was Alistair, warden armour shining bright in the pale sunlight. He had something in his arms. Ëonwë watched as he approached Kieran. Morrigan said nothing, though she seemed ready to spring into action.

"Hello, Kieran isn't it?" Alistair greeted cheerfully.

"Yes. Oh! I know who you are."

"Really?" Alistair looked oddly eager, hopeful almost.

"Yes! Mother says you helped her friend slay the archdemon," said Kieran.

It was more excitement than Ëonwë had ever seen from the boy before, but Alistair seemed disappointed by the answer.

"That's right. Anyways, I have it on good authority that your birthday may be soon, and I came to give you this," said Alistair, holding up the basket, which Ëonwë could now see was covered in a wriggling cloth.

"For me?" Kieran took the basket, and gleefully ripped off the cloth to reveal an utterly adorable Mabari puppy.

The dog took one look at the boy, gave a happy bark, and decided that Kieran's face needed the best washing of his young life.

"She'll need a name you know. And don't forget, Mabari are smart, so you should teach her as many tricks as possible."

"Noya," said Kieran.

"What was that?" Alistair looked shocked.

"Noya, like the Hero of Ferelden. Mother talks about her all the time. She says that Noya was fierce and protective for a mage. I think those are good qualities for a Mabari too."

"Noya still is fierce and protective. I think it's a great name," Alistair said.

With that Kieran eagerly ran over to Morrigan to enthusiastically show her his new pet. Ëonwë made a mental note to ask about what had just happened later. For now he was needed in the war room.

The meeting wasn't all that bad. And Josephine, bless her heart, had gotten him a chair. None of them commented when he sank into it gingerly, very aware of all the aches, bruises, and healing wounds still covering his body. From there he launched into his story.

Ëonwë had sent Alistair and Hawke ahead. The rift was close, so close, and he needed to see them leave. But he also had to get past the nightmare as well. So he told the advisors, how he had gathered the magic, and released it, hoping to stun the creature long enough to get a decent head start to the rift. He didn't count on the creature being immune to the stunning effect of his lightning magic. As soon as he had tried to run the thing had sent one of its spiny limbs straight through his side. The monster had retracted it, thank the creators, but the force had knocked him to his knees. The next blow had been to his head. He had tried to fade-step away, but being in the fade and all, it hadn't exactly worked. From there things were fuzzy, and he told as much to the advisors. How he managed to get past the nightmare creature was beyond him.

"I think I owe it to luck that I'm standing here," finished Ëonwë.

"I only wonder, could it really have been Divine Justinia you saw in the fade?" Leliana had a distant look in her eyes.

"I don't think we'll ever know now," said Ëonwë. Truthfully, he thought it could have been the Divine, or what was left of her spirit, but it could have just as easily been another spirit, who, like Cole, had taken the shape of the person it had tried to comfort.

"Your safe now, and on the mend. That's all that matters. We can debate if it was truly the Divine or not at a later date. Inquisitor," Cullen nodded to him, and took his leave.

Ëonwë was grateful. He was feeling all kinds of tired. Barely concealing a groan, Ëonwë stood slowly from the chair, trying to stretch out his stiff limbs without aggravating his wounds. He turned to go, but before he could leave Leliana's voice stopped him.

"Inquisitor, I believe I have something for you."

Ëonwë turned. Leliana was holding a small leather pouch. She gave it to him and Ëonwë curiously peeked inside, wondering what it could be. Inside was the amulet. Dorian's amulet. His dratted lineage. Ëonwë had almost forgotten their row in the market and his subsequent words to one of Leliana's spies in Val Royeux.

"Thank you."

With the pouch weighing heavily in his pocket, Ëonwë retired to his room with a lot on his mind. One of the healers found him just after he'd managed to drift to sleep. Back to the infirmary he went, but not before stashing the pouch in one of the drawers in his desk.