#laura bates

[grison-in-space]

I am not particularly interested in a “redemption” narrative for incels. That is a question for those individuals to ponder. We do not implore the victims of other forms of terrorism to absolve and educate their tormentors. Nor do we require that other extremists be acknowledged as some kind of wounded, misunderstood victims. It is ironic that so much pressure is brought to bear on women to allow for the humanity and individuality of fallible men when it is precisely this courtesy that incels unfailingly refuse to pay to women.

But I am interested in the men in between. The boys who fall through the cracks. The “good” men who feel scared. The ones who went looking for help, because they felt frightened or sad or lonely, and haven’t been able to disentangle themselves. The ones who just haven’t heard about any of this yet. The ones who look the other way on the bus. Because we can’t change anything without those men. So how do we reach them?

Laura Bates, Men Who Hate Women (2020).

Importantly, she's just spent a lot of time talking about men-led feminist groups that do good work, both in terms of reducing domestic violence and other "traditional" feminist concerns and in terms of providing other narratives, support structures, and information about things that men, like all people, care about: how to keep yourself safe physically and emotionally; how to cope with feeling frightened or uncertain; how to communicate with other people in a world that feels zero sum and frightening.

It's a good, thoughtful discussion of what it means to respond to radicalization in an effective way: you reduce the pain points that funnel people towards radicalized groups, you provide them with positive things to do to help themselves, and you provide empathy to anyone who is willing to provide empathy back to you. But you don't immolate yourself on the altar of healing people who already hate you: you focus on the ones who are easy to help first, the ones who need only a little help, and then you expand.

It's a heavy book, but well worth reading—and not only if you're interested in online misogyny and radicalization. I would recommend the book to anyone with an interest in gender, building a better world, deradicalization, and effectively handling terrorism.

[fem-lit]

In the case of incels, their prime focus is a feverish obsession with sex, and anger at being ‘denied’ it. Yes, this is a community of tens of thousands of men who claim that the world (and, in particular, individual women) is withholding from them the vital human right of getting laid. Amazingly, in the thousands of conversations and endless hours spent discussing their sparse sex lives, alongside lengthy rants about how women are evil, subhuman vessels, it never seems to occur to these men that their hatred of women might be related to their lack of romantic success. In fact, even to suggest such a thing is a banning offence in many incel forums. Instead, incels see themselves as innocent and tragic victims, creating a vivid portrait of a bleak society irreversibly stacked against them.

— Laura Bates (2020) Men Who Hate Women

[leighlew3]

Some light reading…

[1000rh]

We do not, as a rule, talk about male perpetrators of violence against women. We describe a woman as having been raped; we discuss the rates of women sexually assaulted or beaten. We do not speak in terms of men committing rape or being sexual assaulters and violent abusers. That is what makes it so easy to focus on women’s dress, behaviour and choices when we consider sexual violence. [...] When we are forced to confront these men, because high-profile cases hit the headlines, we describe them as ‘beasts’ and ‘monsters’, in order to separate them clearly from those other, ordinary, decent men, among whom we walk every day. We do not count them, quantify them or, in any meaningful sense, study them. In fact, we rarely think about them at all.

– Laura Bates, Men Who Hate Women (2020)

[thetavolution]

Gale and Tessa:

Astarion and Bex:

Paloma (I don't have anything with her and Halsin yet)

Paloma's adopted sister, Lamia!

My Durge, Beryl:

Laura

Minty

[smallsinger5901]

More people need to read this book

[thebonnevillegamepodcast]

Here are some tweets that reminded us of our girls!

[distractedpebble]

I started reading a book called "Men Who Hate Women" by Laura Bates. I'm not even q chapter through it but I can tell this is going to be one of those books that takes me a while to get through because the subject matter is making me physically ill. The part I'm reading is focusing on incels and incel forums and while I know about incels and how hateful they are, I didn't realize just how far they go on those forums.

So far it's a 10/10 book, just incredibly disturbing. Learning about "rapecels" and even a part of the community called "wristcels." Like...what the fuck is this??? Holy shit.

[chthonickore]

I haven't finished reading it yet but god Laura Bates' Men Who Hate Women is so, so important for understanding like. Literally everything

[feralgirlfromatl]

[boldlypaletraveler]

Should be interesting.

- Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates

[fem-lit]

Incels use the metaphor of the red pill to describe the moment a man’s blinkers fall away and he suddenly realises that he has been lied to his whole life. The world that he has been forced to believe works in his favour is actually hopelessly stacked against him. Everything, from our government to our wider society, is designed to promote women over men. The myth of male privilege, so the story goes, is perpetuated by a massive feminist conspiracy. Incels refer to this man-hating world as a ‘gynocracy’, a clever system designed to keep men (the true victims of oppression) in their subordinate place, without them even noticing.

Lost your job? What could be more appealing than a whole new worldview in which it isn’t your fault: you’ve just been the victim of a power grab by women and minorities. Dumped or divorced? That lying bitch is part of a much bigger attack on you and other men like you. Angry that you don’t seem to be lucky in love? It’s not you, it’s her. Every single ‘her’, in fact.

The manosphere […] subverts the narrative of the privileged and the victim altogether. It tells men that they are suffering, and it blames women.

— Laura Bates (2020) Men Who Hate Women

[hijolehijola]

Fix the System, Not the Women

“In the  UK in 2019, a businessman subjected his ex-wife to an extended violent assault after discovering she was dating a new man. He attacked in the the car park outside a gym, smashing her head against a BMW so hard that it dented the bodywork, and left her needing hospital treatment. At Stockport Magistrates Court, he was convicted of both assault by beating and criminal damage. He was ordered to pay his ex-wife £150 compensation; he was ordered to pay the owner of the BMW £818.”

Fix the System, Not the Women, Laura Bates

[1000rh]

Emotions are equated with shame, and boys are encouraged to hide them. Isolation breeds longing for community. Shame breeds desperation for prestige, for respect, for a sense of purpose. A sense of vulnerability [...] leads naturally to a desire for the security of a group allegiance. All these cravings are gleefully satisfied by manosphere communities, keen to seize upon disenfranchised, angry young men and fill their gaping holes with false promises, skewed logic and hate.

– Laura Bates, Men Who Hate Women (2020)

[thetavolution]

I totally think Whisper would be friends with Laura and Tessa! 💛

I have info about Whisper pinned on my blog as well ☺️

Whisper is such a well-thought out character! I enjoyed reading his profile.

Laura would love hanging out with him. They could chill and eat seafood together while exchanging gardening tips.

Tessa is friendly so she'd be on board to befriend Whisper right away. She'd hide her past from him as long as possible though. I think she'd be terrified of how he'd accept her as a daughter of the Zhentarim, given his status as a hero. She wouldn't want to lose his friendship, but lying by omission would also bum her out.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

THIS BOOK YOU GUYS

This book is a bit different from my typical on this blog, but it's very, very true to my Shakespearean roots. That said, even if it wasn't close to my academic roots, I've given this book to more people than any other book that comes to mind, and I'm not the type to just gift books to people. Laura Bates's story of teaching Shakespeare in priosn is never not poignant, observant, and quietly joyful about the acts of teaching and learning. Her relationship with Larry Newman is also fascinating, and the difference than one person's belief in another can make on a life is astounding. Let's talk Shakespeare Saved My Life.

If you want to hear Dr. Bates discuss her book, she gave an awesome interview for the Folger Shakespeare Library's podcast, Shakespeare Unlimited called Shakespeare in Solitary, and I strongly recommend giving it a listen!

This book is a memoir, and it focuses on teaching Shakespeare in supermax prisons. If nothing else, this book highlights how flexible Shakespeare can be, because it was exactly as relevant to the gentleman in Bates's prison classes as it is to the dead poet's society, but for significantly different reasons.

Intertwined with Bates's story is that of Larry Newman, who is serving a life sentence. The student-teacher dynamics in a prison setting are fascinating to read about, as is Bates's exploration of Newman's history and the fact that he took to Shakespeare like a duck to water.

I wouldn't dream of putting spoilers for this book here, so all I can say is that this book is 100% recommended. It's a compelling, entertaining, and thought-provoking read and if I could have required this book when I was teaching, I would have.