#laura bates

[grison-in-space]

I am not particularly interested in a “redemption” narrative for incels. That is a question for those individuals to ponder. We do not implore the victims of other forms of terrorism to absolve and educate their tormentors. Nor do we require that other extremists be acknowledged as some kind of wounded, misunderstood victims. It is ironic that so much pressure is brought to bear on women to allow for the humanity and individuality of fallible men when it is precisely this courtesy that incels unfailingly refuse to pay to women.

But I am interested in the men in between. The boys who fall through the cracks. The “good” men who feel scared. The ones who went looking for help, because they felt frightened or sad or lonely, and haven’t been able to disentangle themselves. The ones who just haven’t heard about any of this yet. The ones who look the other way on the bus. Because we can’t change anything without those men. So how do we reach them?

Laura Bates, Men Who Hate Women (2020).

Importantly, she's just spent a lot of time talking about men-led feminist groups that do good work, both in terms of reducing domestic violence and other "traditional" feminist concerns and in terms of providing other narratives, support structures, and information about things that men, like all people, care about: how to keep yourself safe physically and emotionally; how to cope with feeling frightened or uncertain; how to communicate with other people in a world that feels zero sum and frightening.

It's a good, thoughtful discussion of what it means to respond to radicalization in an effective way: you reduce the pain points that funnel people towards radicalized groups, you provide them with positive things to do to help themselves, and you provide empathy to anyone who is willing to provide empathy back to you. But you don't immolate yourself on the altar of healing people who already hate you: you focus on the ones who are easy to help first, the ones who need only a little help, and then you expand.

It's a heavy book, but well worth reading—and not only if you're interested in online misogyny and radicalization. I would recommend the book to anyone with an interest in gender, building a better world, deradicalization, and effectively handling terrorism.

[leighlew3]

Some light reading…

[thetavolution]

Gale and Tessa:

Astarion and Bex:

Paloma (I don't have anything with her and Halsin yet)

Paloma's adopted sister, Lamia!

My Durge, Beryl:

Laura

Minty

[1000rh]

Emotions are equated with shame, and boys are encouraged to hide them. Isolation breeds longing for community. Shame breeds desperation for prestige, for respect, for a sense of purpose. A sense of vulnerability [...] leads naturally to a desire for the security of a group allegiance. All these cravings are gleefully satisfied by manosphere communities, keen to seize upon disenfranchised, angry young men and fill their gaping holes with false promises, skewed logic and hate.

– Laura Bates, Men Who Hate Women (2020)

[smallsinger5901]

More people need to read this book

[thebonnevillegamepodcast]

Here are some tweets that reminded us of our girls!

[distractedpebble]

I started reading a book called "Men Who Hate Women" by Laura Bates. I'm not even q chapter through it but I can tell this is going to be one of those books that takes me a while to get through because the subject matter is making me physically ill. The part I'm reading is focusing on incels and incel forums and while I know about incels and how hateful they are, I didn't realize just how far they go on those forums.

So far it's a 10/10 book, just incredibly disturbing. Learning about "rapecels" and even a part of the community called "wristcels." Like...what the fuck is this??? Holy shit.

[chthonickore]

I haven't finished reading it yet but god Laura Bates' Men Who Hate Women is so, so important for understanding like. Literally everything

[boldlypaletraveler]

Should be interesting.

- Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates

[feralgirlfromatl]

[avoidedatallcosts]

New year, new TBR list! But this year I've decided to be more reasonable about it (if that's even possible). I set another reading challenge on Goodreads for 50 books but unlike last year, I already have a few books that I would like to read.

The first part of my TBR list consists of books that are catching dust on my shelves for a long time and I would very much like to finally get to them:

1. Colleen Hoover - It Ends With Us

This book is constantly popping up on my Instagram. The overall controversy surrounding this book is probably the main reason why it's the first book on the list.

2. John Wray - The Lost Time Accidents

I have honestly no idea how this book ended up in our household. It's not a genre I usually read but I like to explore other genres so be it.

3. Laura Bates - Men Who Hate Women

I've already read a few chapters but since it's not an easy topic to read about, I have to take breaks from it. But even from those few chapters I was able to learn a lot and the world kind of makes... more sense.

4. Richard Osman - The Man Who Died Twice

Who doesn't want to read about seniors solving a crime? Twice?

5. Sarah Hogle - You Deserve Each Other

Okay, I know how I got this one. It was in a hurry in front of the cashier who said I can take one book from a selection of books on sale. And this one captured my attention. It still has my attention two years later after it sat untouched on my nightstand.

6. Lucinda Riley - The Seven Sisters

My mom loves this series. And she says I'll love it too.

7. Harlan Coben - Long Lost

I have the French translation so it will be a different kind of challenge. But I love Harlan Coben's books so hopefully, a different language won't stop me.

8. Christian Jacq - Ramsès

Again, it's in French. I'm taking my French class very seriously.

9. James Nestor - Breathe

I love educational books with a touch of personal history.

10. Elizabeth Gill - Nobody's Child

This is probably a book that I have the longest from those I mentioned in the list. I got it from a relative when I finally had enought courage to read in English.

11. Gail Honeyman - Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

I loved the format of this book and the pages feel like a cushion.

As you can see, there are eleven books on this list. I plan to read one book from this list a month so it's not overwhelming and that I can still read new books or books from the library (a list of those will be published shortly after this one). I also want to dive more into these books because sometimes I read one and then jump onto the next one which is not sustainable for a very long time. So I will be posting a short review for every book I read.

[hijolehijola]

Fix the System, Not the Women

“In the  UK in 2019, a businessman subjected his ex-wife to an extended violent assault after discovering she was dating a new man. He attacked in the the car park outside a gym, smashing her head against a BMW so hard that it dented the bodywork, and left her needing hospital treatment. At Stockport Magistrates Court, he was convicted of both assault by beating and criminal damage. He was ordered to pay his ex-wife £150 compensation; he was ordered to pay the owner of the BMW £818.”

Fix the System, Not the Women, Laura Bates

[thetavolution]

I totally think Whisper would be friends with Laura and Tessa! 💛

I have info about Whisper pinned on my blog as well ☺️

Whisper is such a well-thought out character! I enjoyed reading his profile.

Laura would love hanging out with him. They could chill and eat seafood together while exchanging gardening tips.

Tessa is friendly so she'd be on board to befriend Whisper right away. She'd hide her past from him as long as possible though. I think she'd be terrified of how he'd accept her as a daughter of the Zhentarim, given his status as a hero. She wouldn't want to lose his friendship, but lying by omission would also bum her out.

[1000rh]

We do not, as a rule, talk about male perpetrators of violence against women. We describe a woman as having been raped; we discuss the rates of women sexually assaulted or beaten. We do not speak in terms of men committing rape or being sexual assaulters and violent abusers. That is what makes it so easy to focus on women’s dress, behaviour and choices when we consider sexual violence. [...] When we are forced to confront these men, because high-profile cases hit the headlines, we describe them as ‘beasts’ and ‘monsters’, in order to separate them clearly from those other, ordinary, decent men, among whom we walk every day. We do not count them, quantify them or, in any meaningful sense, study them. In fact, we rarely think about them at all.

– Laura Bates, Men Who Hate Women (2020)

[ghoulpepperv]

The leads of my upcoming podcast, The Bonneville Game. We're still finishing up the season 1 scripts, but I'm so excited!! I can't wait to introduce these weirdos.

Art by HoMArtworks!

[thebonnevillegamepodcast]

We did this meme because we saw @kingmakerpod do it and we're basically the younger sibling that won't stop copying them.

But it's because their show is so good and everyone should listen to it.