#laur is thinking out loud here

[laurfilijames]

"I'm gonna say something. Are you listening?"- Frankie "Catfish" Morales, Triple Frontier

Good. Thanks Frankie.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.

About fandom in general, interactions or lack thereof, how something you can feel so happy and passionate about can make you sad at the same time.

The idea of no longer sharing my fics has also been something that's crossed my mind on numerous occasions, but at the end of the day I WANT to share them. I am proud of them and I figure if they make me this happy, I hope they can make someone else happy too.

I continue to trek on, trying to compartmentalize my feelings and press on, creating fics I think others will enjoy as well, and praising the gorgeous man who plays gorgeous characters whose stories I love to change or extend.

Recently, I've felt guilt. Guilt that I haven't been creating and posting enough things for you to indulge in. And then I remember that in the last 4 weeks, I wrote and posted 3 fics.

3 fics where a majority of the reblogs are my own, and most of the notes are likes.

I'm feeling this way because of the lack of interaction. I'm not blaming or pointing fingers or trying to extend any guilt to any of you (and thank you endlessly to those who do reblog and comment and send messages and have conversations about them 💗) But I can safely say that this is a widespread issue across all fandoms alike.

It's disheartening. People leave and give up and have their creativity crushed to the point they no longer participate or share their wonderful art.

I came across a post that I reblogged yesterday that added another level onto all of this.

Artists and writers having to "market" and promote their work in hopes it'll help drum up excitement for what they have coming up.

As if taking the time and energy to create that fic of piece of art isn't enough, now we have to work like a full marketing team in hopes we will get a few more reblogs or comments.

I have seldom participated in tag games where you share snippets of WIPs etc because more often than not, the response to them are *crickets*. It's embarrassing and gives off that "no one is interested so why bother sharing it" vibe.

We shouldn't have to work that hard to get feedback on the things we share.

I know, and respect, that some people experience comment anxiety, but I promise you that if you're able to, whether it be a string of emojis or keysmashes or even a gif, you will be making a difference.

This happened to me yesterday.

Right when I felt like it's all fruitless, someone swooped in with a comment that gave me hope and reminded me why I do it. And it was on my least popular (and personal favourite) series to boot.

Because of this simple act of communication, my hope and motivation has been restored.

Now I know I'm going to get people saying "you should write for yourself" (I do) and I shouldn't rely on others to keep me motivated (I don't, I have Charlie Hunnam for that) but it's such a key component to all of this and I think most creators can agree to that.

So please, for the love of fandom and the things you love (the actors, the characters, the shows or films) PLEASE INTERACT WITH THE ARTISTS AND WRITERS WHO CREATE INCREDIBLE ART AND FICS FOR THEM.

You may not realize what an effect you have, but I promise you, you do, and it may even help save your favourite artist from abandoning it all.

[beatcroc]

Okay I finally generated an ask for you!!!!

What is your favourite genre of music? Or if you don't know how to categorize the music you listen to (like me), what is your favourite song? Or band? Or album? Something like that.

ohhhhh #1 question i am categorically incapable of being normal about <3

i typically just define my favorite music as "loud" or "aggressive" or "abrasive" bc most stuff that fits those descriptors will be in my faves regardless of the genre.

a more specific answer is that there are 3 main things i've noticed that will typically make me go apeshit without fail and they are: 1. hardstyle/gabber/industrial hardcore- sorta basskick 2. sickass metal guitar shredding 3. huge dramatic grandiose orchestral

if something has 1 of these i will probably like it, if it has 2 it will be a top fave, and all 3.... well i have yet to find it yet but im sure i will Ascend. here are examples of said top fave combos.

laur covers hardstyle+orchestral and i Cannot Get Enough of his shit man it goes so fucking crazy hard

metal+orchestral is unquestionably ruled by nightwish, but theyre not on bandcamp and i dont feel like finding other links so this one goes to the still-very-fucking-awesome runner-up, POWERWOLF

riikira and rabbitjunk hit metal+hardstyle, though it's less strictly hardstyle and more just general hardcore* electronica. if its got crazy amens its enough who cares. i put the ones that use actual kicks for the sake of illustrating the point here but these tracks are both pretty far from my faves from each lmao *hardcore referring to hardcore [edm] in this case, even though the genre these belong to is called "digital hardcore", which instead refers to hardcore [punk]. it's a mess out here. did you know theres two completely different things called doomcore where one is derived from metal and the other is derived from hardcore. and you never know which itsd going to be when you click on something in the doomcore tag. im dying squirtle

anyway on the other side of the hardstyle+metal combo is kobaryo [with his alias blaxervant], who's much more about the hardcore side of things and just has the metal as flair, but it is still: the best shit ever

laur also on occasion hits this side of hardstyle+metal becaue he just likes using whatever the fuck instruments

there are of course many other things i love a lot, primary examples being ambient/atmospheric, folk, and anything with a lot of Texture. im not gonna get into all that but i do have an extended list of faves/recs from the last time i was asked about this and went insane abt it. it took forever to make and my actual recs are not entirely the same as my Faves so im putting it on here too.

i keep these curated to the top of my bandcamp profile so they're the first things that display there. it's a bit old by now and some have since been shuffled out, but it's still like 80% accurate.

as for the actual recs: the angel's message is there because it's my fave brand of intense and chaotic stuff and want it to kill you full force. it already has some tracks up there so im not re-linking it

this one i recommend just because i think it's really interesting and out there and i'm curious what other people think of this sort of stuff. it's also the prime example of what i mean when i talk about Textures in music.

wolfgun is an actual rec for being genuinely just really good music. probably the most objectively cool/platonically enjoyable thing in my library

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: Enemies Closer

He still wasn’t sure how he was going to explain this to head office. Probably something along the lines of keeping his enemies closer. Though ‘enemy’ didn’t seem to fit Aziraphale anymore. Certainly they were still Enemies, but Crawly had never put much stock in the whole hereditary destiny crap. [6000 years of Crowley adapting to humanity and this terrible, sneaky thing called love.]

Length: 69,086 words

AO3 Rating: Explicit / Spice Level 🔥🔥

Best for: Mostly Safe in Public, Through the Ages, Comedy, Slow Burn, Taking Breaks

Triggers: None

Read it here, fic by Laur

*Minor Spoilers* If you've ever wished for an extended version of the historical montage from S1 E3, then you need to read this story. This is an excellent through the ages story that fits so well into the established canon. It's not necessarily a comedy but it's hilarious! There are dozens of moments I laughed out loud in this. The dialogue is so reminiscent of the show it's just delightful. This story has such good pacing, never dragging out scenes for too long. You'll go through many years but in a more vignette form, small moments that our pair can reminisce over later. It'll tackle some rough patches, moments of grief and despair during human wars and plagues, but it doesn't give into melodrama.

An ongoing theme here will be questioning Heaven, Hell, and God. A line I saved for myself was, "It's incredible what violence humans will commit when they think God's on their side". I think some fics forget what these concepts mean in real life and just use them to keep Crowley and Aziraphale apart. This story isn't afraid to make us think about what religion has done to humanity over the years. In the end, it invites our characters, and us, to try to make peace with the fact that we will never get our questions answered.

Couple other highlights that I want you to look out for: an actual demon/angel on your shoulder moment, birds, a hug, don't get high with your crush, all of chapter 10, the deleted bookshop opening scene,*waves hands* gay vibes, and Turkish baths. I just really recommend this one. It's very entertaining and feels like it belongs in the canon. Some minor sex scenes towards the end but you'll be fine in public for the most part. It's not a super long read but if you can't commit a full sitting and need something to go back and forth with, I think this is a good pick.

Read it here, fic by Laur

[sardonic-sprite]

June of DOOM

Here we goooooo

9 fics, 30 prompts, currently about 50 pages and 18k words, and 6 NDEs... 5 of which are Jason. Oops. Anyway, here is the schedule, as well as titles, prompts, and a preview paragraph

June 3 - Help (Just A Kid Ch2)

Prompts: Day 3 - "I can handle it" | Day 12 - Fainting | Day 28 - Knife

Jason didn’t know how he stayed on his feet as long as he did. How he held the knife still when the hilt and his hand kept growing slicker with his blood. How he crawled up the two stairs to slump against the rail, or how he raised one fist to thump it weakly against the door. How he’d even made a loud enough sound to be heard. But he had.

June 4 - Yea, Though I Walk

Prompts: Day 4 - Delirium | Day 16 - Stairs | Day 18 - Blankets | Day 24 - Illness

Tim only hummed, unsure, but Father slipped behind him and carefully lifted him up, bracing him against his chest. He was warm, and Tim pressed closer, and it chased away a tiny bit of the chill. A cup pressed against Tim’s lips. He opened his mouth and sweet, cool water flowed in, taking away the awful taste and calming the raging fire in his throat.

June 7 - priceless

Prompts: Day 6 - Duct Tape | Day 7 - Disoriented | Day 13 - Rescue | Day 21 - Choke

But Jason wasn't arrogant enough to think he could rip free from the mummifying layers of tape and take down Allen before the man could suffocate him again. He needed someone to tell Allen he'd get his money so that he'd leave Jason alone until rescue came or he devised a way to escape on his own.

Jason mentally groaned. So fucking much for keeping this a secret.

June 10 - bane

Prompts: Day 2 - Sobbing | Day 10 - Shackle | Day 23 - Poison

This was a risk any time any one of them went out, and Bruce knew that, and he struggled with it every day. This was a relatively common occurrence, a drugged out, chained up bird or bat, and Bruce might’ve thought he’d be over the rush of pure terror by now, but no. Every damn time someone hurt his kids, or even got close, he completely froze, for a split second, stomach twisting and mouth going dry, remembering rattling breaths, cold skin, still chests, whispered pleas, spreading bloodstains.

June 11 - hey, brother

Prompts: Day 5 - Handcuffs | Day 11 - Firearm | Day 14 - Slurred Speech | Day 30 - Failed Escape

“Goddamnit, brat, I’m not leaving both of you behind,” Tim snapped, finding his pace and striding down the hall. The main entrance was out. He’d have to find a back door. “I came with one brother, and I’m not leaving with any less.”

June 15 - phantasm

Prompts: Day 1 - Fear | Day 8 - "Breathe, damn you!" | Day 15 - Scream

It was too far to make out the words, but Jason knew Damian’s voice when he heard it. That kid could scream, but he wasn't supposed to, not in pain, not for any reason other than attracting Bruce and getting the rest of them into trouble.

But Jason could hear laughter, too.

June 22 - big brother

Prompts: Day 19 - Guilt | Day 22 - Rage | Day 27 - "I'm so sorry"

He shouldn’t be doing this. Aiding and abetting another little boy taking up a flag that always seemed to be cut to bloody ribbons. But it was too late to stop it now. All he could do was pour everything he had – every skill, every trick, every tactic and stratagem and all of his will – into catching Tim, and forcing him into more months of training. Stalling him.

Playing for time. Like there was a bomb about to go off that he couldn’t defuse.

June 25 - underneath the undertow

Prompts: Day 9 - Defiance | Day 25 - Drowning | Day 26 - Numb

Dick remained still and silent, knowing that to play dead was the best way to let Slade's passion fits ebb. Sure enough, in another minute the pressure on his arms let up and he was allowed to stand. He returned his hands to his sides, refusing to rub his throbbing wrists. He kept his gaze on the floor as Slade fisted a hand in his hair.

June 29 - no good deed

Prompts: Day 17 - "Don't lie to me." | Day 20 - Cage | Day 29: Secret

Antonin Laur rolled up the newspaper once more, using it to tilt Jason's face up. He jerked back, glaring, as much as the men holding his arms would let him.

"Wayne has a real gift," Laur mused, "always finding boys that are both pretty and smart."

[umsoheyaurora]

I had fun last night. My tears were a bit melancholic but more sweetness than sadness…I’m sure you already knew but sometimes the context may be ambiguous. Forgive me if I repeat myself, I’m only a mana-kin after all right?

I know you are hurting because as Axel Rose sang and/or wrote a whole song about ‘how much “🎵love Hurts”…..’🎵ya know he did ya, i kno u kno he did ya kno he did🎵’…hahaha………whether or not that’s the title or not you’d have to look up but its a good one and one I would put on any breakup megamix fo sho

Anywho….

I meant it when the tears welled upnin my eyes and said I didnt understand why but that I cared….for you of course….and God only knows why but I do…..but you kno that too…..’cheater’ (directly communicating with the Holy Smudgeprint Spirit Themselves…..) maybe someday I’ll get that eyePhone chip so I can too or whatever the hell else the cool kids are doing these days….Futurama had it first so technically I knew aboutnit before most of them (I think????) and we all know that is the beet kind of correct…. Laure loved being right….one time at our awesome wine and cheese journal clubs she yelled out “YESSSSSSS!!!! I knew it!!” in response to one of our pieces of Data (Dominique, Jenn, or Sam might remember something similar). Then she said “I love being, right! (she meant being proven right). She said “It’s better than SEX!!😳🫣🥹😆😂🤣😅🙃….personally I liked proving her wrong….heheh…which I did at least twice bookending my time in the lab there and my Thesis for that matter as she didn’t think deltaPK would kill melanoma cells before I did the experiment….the day after I treated them to her exacting specificstions with the appropriate controls I saw those dead fucking cells and was soooooo excited I went right to her office and told her “I think it worked.” She got up quickly from her desk in disbelief and said, “show me,” but she was already walking out the door towards the lab….behind me eager to show her of course….

So as I’m getting the cells out I’m explaining the experiment to her just as she had prescribed me to do it….I followed every last detail except maybe I did a serial dilution of the virus or she had told me that too….I cant remember….anyway she looked in the treated well first, of course, I always would too because I would always ‘ruin the surprise’ well thats where all the fun happens in an experiment in the treated well or the ‘business end of an experiment’….I think she gasped in disbelieve a bit, maybe even chuffed….”huh…or I’ll be damned (lol)…..that is most definitely classic CPE (Cytopathic Effect) right there…where are the controls…..[the next and equally as important part of any experiment as you know….[I’m saying this for the benefit of the peanut gallery side listeners and watchers tuning in ‘🎵Live and Direct…rect…rect🎵 yes yes y’all I do hear the faint reverberations of whispers in your minds or out loud as you listen to my thought’s I’m listening back….just so u all kno I kno u kno u kno I kno u kno….u kno??….amirite on that one? Check the text or not whatever you all have officially been pimped🙊🙉🙈🐵🐒🦉<insert you’ve officialy been pimped gif here later…if I ever remember…prolly not…Aurora just any xhibit you’ve officially been pimped gif…prefferably of a hot chica or to ur own preference…lol]

[alpinelogy]

waitttt has anyone asked alex yet

give me a character and i will tell you which song(s) remind me of them give me their vibes <- honestly tbh still open asdfgh. turns out i love yapping

Honestly I put Exitium here last night and now I have no idea why asdfghj. I think it is because it is very repetitive and slightly haunting, especially in the beginning, which very much reminds me of Alex's entire career a lot!! No matter what unfortunately to me the shadow of 2020 Red Bull hangs over anything Alex related. It is also very loud and brash at times, something which Alex can be with how unhinged he is

Pragmatism but specifically Pragmatism -RESURRECTION-. Not the og or the 2021 remaster but the -RESURRECTION- version. First of all the title, the song has heavy restart/new chance which is right in line with Alex and his career path 🙂‍↕️ Once again the shadow of Red Bull hangs over everything to me. Also funnily enough, this particular version of Pragmatism was released late 2021. Funsies

First of all, an insanely silly song I urge you to listen to it before you read my rambling because no spoiler listen is an insanely funny thing, especially if you also watch the animated video alongside it.

Anyway; the duality of the song, the calm and chill, the downright kingergarden song vibes for the first half ish until something gets messed up? Alex. This man has the most slightly unhinged but family friendly persona, a cat dad for the ages. And then he says something about piss. Unprompted. Or something along those lines. Freak (affectionate). Mopemope is exactly the same type of chaotic and unhinged that Alex is to me.

Okay so technically the jacket art of this song is of the entire compilation rather than song specific but to me Let's Rock very much has the vibes of desperately holding onto something and trying to keep hold of it!! Very Alex to me, desperately trying to hold onto the world as he knows it while it is constantly changing under his hold

Also similarly to Hivemind with Clem, the very unintelligible vocal samples

Hey I wrote fanfic to this!! You are the Miserable (Uncut Edition) is where I got the title from for Timeloop 1, and Wolves Standing Towards the Enemies was for the longest time the title for it before I last minute changed it. I will not yap about timeloop too much here but the 'you are now entering a world from which you will never return' vocal sample? One for the ages to me. (Including the Laur remix because that is babygirl. It might have different vocal samples than the Uncut version but these three are all holding hands to me)

I dont think the tpz remix of Exitium hits exactly mostly because of what I assume are bassy sounds but honorable mention, very close to Alex vibes, and I just needed to mention it somewhere cause I've had it for only one day but if anything happened to it I would kill everyone in this room and then myself yk?

[bugtransport]

i listened to every track on this album because they put my favorite artist here at the very end. here are my thoughts

GOOD VIBES - Getty this one fucks ridiculously hard. good vibes is literally the only name for this one it's fun it's peppy what more do you need. i love the kicks in this one it just sounds good

J-Core Man - RoughSketch i love when roughsketch cuts out all the bass and uses those really scratchy chirpy sounds. he lives up to his name it really does sound sketchy. this song does that therefore it's good. also haha [points at the title] dats me

You Rock! - P*Light P*light i haven't listened to a lot of but this was very upbeat and i liked it! it's easy listening and i think it was well placed after a roughsketch song. this is a good one to bounce to

Super Wide - DJ Myosuke this one is NASTY i love how thick the beat is. the play on the vocal repetition in the beginning is sooo fun. the switch up is cool. my only complaint is that it's too short

E=mc2 - aran ARAN MAKES MUSIC TO HACK TO. FULL STOP.

Unlimited Hyperlink - Kobarayo this one i thought would be a skip because i wasn't a fan of the beginning but then the drop hit at 1:20 and ohhhh. i love when people play off beat. this smacked

Unfinished Promise - DJ Genki feat Conomi Fujimura this was my actual skip. SORRY... i'm not into the kawaii-type vocals most of the time

The Rave - Massive New Krew THIS IS FINE they use toothy beats i like this one well enough. really good in comparison to the last song. becherovka is still my fave of theirs

Secret Time - REDALiCE THIS is REDALiCE (neutral). he's my recommendation for crowdpleasing jcore. this is what this is. consider me the pleased crowd. no complaints.

Danger - USAO THIS is USAO (POSITIVE). USAO is my goto if i need something that fucks loud and fast. this is what this is. he was my 2022 most listened artist on spotify. NO COMPLAINTS!!

P4RTY N3VER ST0P - DJ Noriken kind of a cooldown from USAO tbh but also still good i like this one. this is music i could put on in the background and vibe to for a while. it's sparkly :)

Black Alter - Laur I[VE NEVER HEARD LAUR BEFORE I WAS NOTTTTT EXPECTING RAP. UHHHH. I WAS LAUGHING TOO MUCH TO FOCUS

Realize - Srav3R this is one with really present vocals that was done in a way i like. it's chill it's a cool down at the end of the night song. i felt relaxed like it's the end of a rave and i'm realizing i'm sooooo so thirsty. wader

Anyway Kung-fu Resurrection - t+pazolite tpz is my fave artist here and does not disappoint as always. banger! that part around 1:25 where it gets sexy... NOISECOOK ADJACENT and that's one of my faves of his

anyway i think if you're remotely interested in this part of my music tastes this is a great album to start with

everyone shut the fuck up hardcore syndrome 17 dropped and i'm only two tracks in and i'm seeing god

[dinosaurtsukki]

solitude | fyodor dostoevsky x gn!reader

part 3 of broken, continuation of savior

summary: for the first time in a long time, you're free of fyodor with him in prison. however, you find yourself wondering if this is what you truly want

word count: 1.1k words

contains: stockholm syndrome-ish (depending how you look at it), slight manipulation

anon: Hi ! First, I hope that you’re okay, I wanted to tell you that your work is soooo great, I really support you. Then I wanted to ask you if you could write a part 3 of « broken ». I really loved « broken » and « savior », you are very talented.

a/n: ahh i'm so flattered but thank you !! broken was actually my first fyodor fic so i'm surprised people like it and asked for a sequel. i was kind of on the fence with how to end this series because y/n and fyodor's dynamic is a bit complicated but i hope it came across here!

you're loathe to admit it, but every time you heard a doorbell ring or a knocking on the door, you hope that it's fyodor finally returning home.

it had been more than two weeks since fyodor had enacted his master plan using cannibalism to get the port mafia and armed detective agency to turn against each other. you weren't completely privy to all the details of fyodor's plan or the bigger organization he was working for, but he did let you know that being sent to jail was a part of it.

"you're free to use this space, especially since the special division and armed detective agency are cracking down on the rats of the house of the dead," fyodor told you one night.

"is that so?" you raised an eyebrow at him. "i see you're playing favorites then."

"you've only noticed my favoritism now?" fyodor chuckled. you found it almost funny in hindsight how your relationship had evolved from him manipulating you to playful banter between the two of you.

"you won't be seeing me for a long time," he hummed, absentmindedly twirling a piece of your hair with his index finger. it had become a habit of his that you didn't find entirely unwelcome. "should i leave you a little souvenir so you don't miss me?"

"you're already leaving me your place," you scoffed, waving a hand at him. "that's enough. i have to lay low for the next couple of weeks too."

"that would be advisable," fyodor nodded, letting go of your hair and sitting a little farther from you on the sofa. you hated that you almost wanted to move a little closer. "i've made sure to take care of my tracks. they shouldn't inspect this place."

"alright," you said, paused, before adding "thank you."

the next morning, he was gone before you even woke up. aside from the emptiness of the apartment, you were left with an ambiguously melancholic feeling.

now, he was gone and you had more than enough room to breathe. if you wanted to, you could even finally run away after making sure the coast was clear. but you had already established a while ago that there was more benefit to you staying with fyodor.

maybe the decision you were grappling with was whether or not you actually missed fyodor.

'impossible,' you thought, physically shaking your head as if trying to correct yourself. and despite what you told yourself, there could only be one explanation as to why you frequented fyodor's study so much and took care to wipe his cello case clean every night.

in fact, you began staying in the study more often each day. the desk was as neat as fyodor had left it with his laptop and several files and books stacked neatly on the table. one book in particular, caught your eye.

"the complete collection of t.s. eliot poems," you read aloud. suddenly, you remembered one of the first time you and fyodor had talked in the library, back when you were just a college student and he was just a handsome stranger.

of course, you could tell that the placement of this book could only be deliberate. "of course you'd leave something for me," you spoke out loud, as if he could hear. carefully, you opened the book and found a space neatly cut into the middle of the pages and a flash drive embedded inside.

...

"well, if this isn't quite ironic."

fyodor doesn't look surprised at all to see you standing in front of his jail cell. in fact, it looks as if he had been patiently waiting for you all this time. and that's because he has.

"you couldn't have left your escape plans in a more obvious place?" you sighed at him.

"but that was obvious," fyodor blinked innocently at you. "i knew you would find it at the right time."

did he know you'd be spending most of your time in his study? it was embarrassing to be known that well but you read intently through the plans he had encoded in the flash drive. you couldn't believe what fyodor was asking of you this time because surely he overestimated your abilities.

"couldn't you have asked someone else, someone more capable, to do this for you?" you asked him.

"what for? i have complete confidence in you," fyodor smiled. he was dressed in the white clothes all the other prisoners wore. you could tell that he had lost quite a bit of weight due to his stay and both of his hands were cuffed. and yet, he looked absolutely delighted at seeing you.

and that gave you a deep sense of satisfaction.

you pressed a hand to the bulletproof glass of his jail cell. "remember that night? when you broke me out of jail?"

"of course i do," fyodor hummed, leaning back and closing his eyes as he savored the memory. "that was sloppy work on your part. anyone could tell that you had an ulterior motive to get yourself caught."

"yeah, yeah. i'm aware," you rolled your eyes.

"ah, but look at you now," fyodor cocked his head. 'you've changed,' was on the tip of his tongue and you could only agree. even if fyodor wrote up the plans for his escape, you were still the one who snuck into the facility and incapacitated more than a few security guards to break him out.

who would have thought this is where you'd end up?

you keyed in the passcode on the door before stepping inside the jail cell. fyodor held his cuffed wrists out to you and you sighed and crouched down in front of him.

"you couldn't have at least picked the lock on your cuffs?"

"i'd rather you do it for me," fyodor smiled at you.

you didn't even need to be told twice. he was the one who had taught you this skill after all and your fingers worked quickly at the lock. of course, you were aware of fyodor intently staring at you and the way his fingers brushed at the inside of your wrist. finally, the lock clicked open and his metal cuffs fell away.

"finally. they tightened those a bit too much," fyodor sighed, rubbing the red marks on his wrists.

"you must have said something to offend them, like always," you emphasized.

"how was i to know they were going to be offended?" he scoffed as the two of you practically strolled out of the jail cell and into the hallway. "i assume you've been enjoying your time alone at the apartment."

"the silence was definitely a plus. although admittedly..." you trailed off and caught fyodor's glance. "i do miss the sound of your playing."

"is that so?" he chuckled amusedly and flexed his wrists. "i'm out of practice but, i think i can arrange something for you when we get home."

you nodded with a bemused smile on your face. "when we get home."

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @kiyoobi​​​​ @atsumusdomain​​​​ @laure-chan​​​​ @goodfoodxoxoxo​​​​ @guardianangelswings​​​​ @kei-ya​​​​ @loisuke​​​​ @whootwhoot​​​​ @liz-multifandom-hotel @kac-chowsballs​​​​ @violentfarewll @fyoyacanruinmylifethanks​ ​​​ @nightmare-light​​​​ ​ @miyakiyo0mi​​​​ @whorefordazai​​​​ @rirk-ke​​​​ @cross-crye​​​ @alohablue @duhsies​​​ @alittlesimp @bsdparadise @fyodorscello @sage-brick

[fa-by]

hi F! Please do an analysis on Lauren’s new song While I’m Alive! She said on her instagram that it was directed to “someone” at first 👀👀

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and for sure. No problem, in fact, I'm sorry for the delay 😅

So. While I'm Alive is part of the Femme it Forward's all-female album called Big Femme Energy, Vol. 1. Laur wrote it long before she was part of this project, and yes, she said she wrote it with a person in mind by turning a vent into art because tired of the way she was/is treated:

This person, in my opinion, is 100% a shark. And this also responds to another ask I've recently received:

Hey to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Yep, Laur wrote it for someone among the higher ups and therefore it concerns her career in particular, but she also applies it to other situations in her life in general.

Now let's move on to the interpretation.

Verse 1:

“Don't say I'm too loud when I cry out what I've held inside

I wanna know why they tried to take me and bury me alive”

The music industry is dominated by men. Gender inequality, sexism, and ageism reign supreme. No matter how much harder they have to work in order to succeed, women are anyway either sidelined, or supervised by men. Why? Because there’s a huge disparity between men and women, especially due to the way the public perceives their success and power. For example.

A man is praised for performing on stage with just the guitar. A woman who does the same, however, not only is she criticized for being too lazy and boring for not having made the performance more lively with a choreography, but she’s also criticized for what she was wearing. Same woman who gets criticized when she instead performs with a choreography because she wasn’t good enough. A woman who can’t be a drummer because it’s a thing for men, and if she persists in wanting to play, it’s not because it’s her passion and she’s pursuing her dream, no; it’s because she wants attention 🙄. A woman who can’t have a good idea about a song because, what can she understand about music, right? 😒

Unfortunately, it’s all a double standard. Women work harder than men and they then get questioned whether their success is deserved. One way or another, women are constantly being torn apart. Reason why Laur begins the verse by already letting us understand how put down she is by the sharks, followed by a question that actually doesn’t represent a real request for information, but that implies a predetermined answer.

“'Cause who am I to think that I have a right?

Or decide to know what I need, right?”

She's sarcastic of course. Since they've always told her what to do, how to act, and how to feel, here she's including a couple of examples among the thousand and more things they always have said and say to her. Because who better than her knows what's best for her? The answer is her. Especially when these orders, because they're orders, are imposed on her to make money with her career and not for her sake or because they care about her as a person.

“It's in the way, I talk and I walk away

From what you made me”

By ‘what you made me’, she refers to the way she was before. The person who was forced to accept everything she was told to do and therefore she couldn’t be herself. The person they made her become, and she didn’t like that person. Now she no longer wants to ‘submit herself’ and accept everything just for money and fame as she did in the past because she was legally obliged and not to do so. She did it many times especially when she was still in the group, but unlike in the past, she luckily no longer has the same kind of obligations. So if she doesn’t want to do something now, she simply doesn’t. She says no to what she doesn’t accept and walks away from that (I talk and I walk away) by not caring if she doesn’t have the same success as before because she prefers not to have that kind of success anymore but to remain herself, rather than have it and be just a product (what you made me); a different person from who she really is.

Verse 2:

“And I know this is all too familiar

Feel the motive behind all that fake love”

In Olivia Rodrigo’s voice ����: 🎵 Did you get deja vu, Laur? 🎶 No, but all joking aside. By ‘I know this is all too familiar’, she means what she has already experienced in the past and which she has once again found herself in front of. Once out of both Epic/Syco and Maverick, she believed she would’ve be dealing with better people, but it wasn’t like that. She realized that those kinds of people are everywhere because it’s the music industry that’s like that. The problem isn’t the single label or the single management team, it’s the entire industry. The problem isn’t the surrounding, but the people who are in it. Not all of them luckily, but most of them unfortunately.

By ‘Feel the motive behind all that fake love’, on the other hand, she describes precisely that kind of people. The fake ones who first treat you well because they want something from you, and then show themselves for who they really are when they don’t get it and try to hinder you, punish you, destroy you, and ‘bury me alive’ (verse 1) because of it.

So. Although I said it playfully at first, these two sentences go perfectly well together to describe the sense of deja vu that Laur felt.

 

*Small note* In the next three sentences of the verse, I will use these ‘---’ to complete her sentences as if I were Lauren to give you my interpretation. I’ll then continue as I always have. Oh and, she’s talking about her music here.

 

“I can’t take all these unsolicited opinions --- Nope, not anymore. I don't want them. Thanks, but no thanks.

Go ahead and be the scared ones --- with someone else who’s ready to tell you yes to everything and who doesn’t have a vision on how they want their own songs. Someone else who has no problem being a marketable product/puppet.

Either way, I’ll get it done” --- with other producers, songwriters, collaborators, etc., of my choice.

 

“I’ve been told I’m too much

Too proud, too cruel

Too wild, difficult to be around”

Let’s also add too confident, too sincere, and too honest from the people who mocked her at school before she became famous, shall we? Or maybe too fat, too arrogant, too full of herself, too whore, and all the other things said by the haters over the years? 😒😒😒🙄🙄🙄

I was being sarcastic of course, guys. I mean, can our girl ever have a break?

“With too much to say

Never in the right way

So, what’s the right way?”

Rhetorical question here because the right way is exactly the way she is. She has no intention of behaving in the ‘right way’ they want because it would mean not being authentic and automatically it would no longer be the right way because she would be fake.

Chorus:

“If I can’t be me

Who do you want me to be? (Who do you want me to be?)”

I love, love, love, love this. For real. It’s so powerful. And it doesn’t surprise me that this part along with the rest of the chorus is repeated four times, because it’s the most important part and it encloses the whole song perfectly.

“‘Cause if you can’t see beyond your gaze”

Behind their ideas to be the perfect product without looking at the person and their feelings.

“You don’t phase me and I don’t trust you anyway

‘Cause runnin’ through life, I figured out time

Don’t wait for no one”

After all these years and precisely because of what she’s been through, she realized she can’t wait for them to see it the same way she does or for someone to ‘save her’. She prefers to ‘save herself’. Therefore, she will continue to be wary, not to trust, and above all, to remain authentic as she says here:

“So while I’m alive, I’ma just be me (I’ma just be me)

Whoever that ends up being”

And that's it, dear Anon 😉 This song is dedicated to one particular asshole who gave her the idea, but mostly, it's dedicated to all those assholes who tried to tell her what kind of music she should have made, how she should have behaved, and how she should have felt. She decides for her, and she doesn’t care if she doesn’t have the same success anymore. Just like she doesn’t care about all the rest like the expectations and superficial perceptions they have of her that are completely wrong.

I hope you enjoyed it, and I wish both of you Anons and everyone else reading this, a beautiful day ❤🥰🤗

[bougredane]

Do you have any details regarding how Napoleon reacted to Junot’s death? I haven’t really come across much, which seems strange given how close they’d once been + the extraordinary nature of Junot’s demise.

First of all, I’m SO sorry for the long response time on this ; I’m currently at my Paris appartment and I left the Dubief book and all of my other Junot texts (i.e. three books) back at my country house. So I meant to wait to respond until I could get back and check exactly what he has to say about Napoleon’s reaction to Junot’s death as the most recent/thorough biographer, but I just … havent gone back yet.

And it’s been weeks. 😬 

When I do, I’ll be sure to let you know how he - and the other Junot biographers - describe the aftermath, but in the meantime, here are a couple of other sources on Napoleon’s response to the news :

For one, there’s this letter from Napoleon to Savary. And for all the possible partiality of correspondance like this, at least this one probably exists :

« Dresde, 7 août 1813

Je reçois votre lettre du 2 août. J’ai éprouvé une véritable peine de ce que vous m’avez écrit de ce pauvre Junot. Il avait perdu mon estime dans la dernière campagne [celle de Russie], mais je n’ai pas pour cela cessé de lui être attaché. Aujourd’hui il a recouvré cette estime, puisque je vois que sa pusillanimité était déjà l’effet de sa maladie … » (1)

----

« Dresden, 7 August, 1813 

I’ve received your letter from 2 August. I was truly pained by what you wrote me about poor Junot. He had lost my esteem in the last campaign [Russia], but I hadn’t ceased to be attached to him because of it. Today he has regained that esteem, since I see that his cowardice was already the effect of his illness … » 

My own personal guess is that this is probably pretty close to how he reacted across the board as regards Junot’s death. They might not have been that close anymore by the end, but Napoleon probably regretted the loss of a very old friend, and may have felt bad about how he’d treated Junot, especially in the last years. 

And then of course there’s Laure’s side of the story. She says :

« Quand on lui remit la dépêche d’Albert, il la décacheta aussitôt, et, la retenant de la main gauche après avoir en lu les premières lignes, il se frappa violemment le front de la droite ; dans ce mouvement la dépêche lui échappa … il la releva avec la rapidité de l’éclair .. et puis il s’écria, mais avec un accent déchirant d’expression : 

- Junot ! … Junot ! … O mon Dieu …

Et il joignit les mains si fortement, que la dépêche en fût toute froissée … Junot ! répétait-il avec cette expression qui venait du cœur, et qui dénotait une douleur réelle ! … Mais, ayant regardé autour de lui, et voyant qu’il était observé, il ne voulut pas être homme devant un œil observateur ! … il sourit avec une expression triste, mais indéfinissable, et dit d’une voix haute, quoique altérée : 

- Voilà encore un de mes braves de moins ! … Junot ! … O mon Dieu ! ... »

-----

« When Albert's despatch reached him, he immediately opened it, and, holding it with his left hand after having read the first lines, he struck his brow violently with the right ; in that movement the despatch slipped from his grasp ... he picked it up with lightning speed .. and then he cried out, with a heart-rendingly expressive tone :

- Junot ! … Junot ! … My God … 

And he clasped his hands so tightly that the despatch was quite crumpled … Junot ! he repeated with that expression which came from the heart, and which spoke of real pain ! ... But, having looked around, and seeing that he was being watched, he did not want to be a man in front of an observant eye ! ... he smiles with a sad, indefinable expression, and says in a loud, albeit distorted voice :

- There we have it, one fewer of my brave men ! … Junot ! … My God ! … »

I for one am not entirely sure what to make of this - my guess is that it’s pretty much totally fabricated, or at least very, very embellished. For one thing, Laure wasn’t anywhere near Napoleon (or Junot, for that matter) when all of this was taking place - she claims to have had it from a « témoin oculaire [eye-witness] », so even if everyone along the chain is trying to relay the truth in good faith, we’re still one more degree removed than usual with memoires.

And then there’s the fact that just following this scene, she writes that after 15+ minutes of trying to pull himself together, Napoleon manages to push back « ces affections pures et saintes, qui retrempaient son âme et lui donnaient ce charme puissant qu’il perdit au reste en perdant ceux qu’il aimait et dont il était aimé … » at which time he remarks that he now has nobody in Illyria, and that someone will have to be sent to fill the vacancy. Charles Hugh MacKay (the same guy from the Univ. of Florida that @maggiec70​ knows) makes the good point that Nap. knew Junot was ill, had him removed from his post in early July, and then placed on the retirement list a week before his death - so he definitely was aware by this point there was no one in Illyria. (... But then, just to play the other side, he could foreseeably have been looking for something official and to-the-point to say at a particularly difficult moment.)

One more thing that’s sort of interesting, which I’ve seen referenced a couple of times, is this apparent order by Napoleon - as soon as he heard about Junot’s death - to send someone to his house and to destroy all of the correspondance that had passed between them. I’ll have to see if Dubief talks about that at all, because the other sources I’ve seen that mention it don’t bother to say where they got that info from. (If anybody’s read all of Savary, you may have heard about this - I think it might have been him that was sent with the order.)

(1) Lettres inédites de Napoléon 1er (An VIII-1815). Publiés par Léon Lecestre. Plon : 1897, tome II, pp. 279-280.

[christinesficrecs]

was wondering if you knew of any good deputy derek hale fics?

Yea, there is a tag here. Because I am me, I’m also going to mention this list of classics. Lastly, if you didn’t already know DropsOfAddiction loves Agent!Stiles & Deputy!Derek you can check out their sterek AO3 here. 

Forget Your Perfect Offering by yodasyoyo | 10.3K

5 times the Sheriff called Derek 'son', and 1 time Derek called the Sheriff 'dad'.

love and soulmates by EvanesDust | 1.7K

Derek watched as Stiles looped an arm around Laura’s waist and laid his head on her shoulder.

“Aw, Laur, don’t be like that. You know we’re soulmates…”

Soulmates? And just like that, Derek’s heart broke. Laura brought home Stiles--perfect and delectable and entirely Derek’s type. Fuck his life because, of course, Stiles would be in love with Laura.

Cookies, coffee and shut the fucupcakes by DropsOfAddiction | 26.2K | Explicit

“Ok. I’ve got a few shirts with me because I came here straight from work, but I think it’s going to be a tight fit. I know I’m not as skinny as I used to be but I’m not exactly the same hunky physique as you, oh grand macho werewolf,” Stiles shrugs.

Derek runs his eyes blatantly over Stiles’ chest.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Derek mutters, and he slams his mouth shut, teeth audibly clacking together, as if he really hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

After All... by EvanesDust | 3.5K

A sheriff’s cruiser pulls up behind his Jeep. Stiles holds up his flashlight, careful not to blind the deputy, but giving them enough light to be able to see him. He hears the door open and sees a tall figure begin to walk towards him.

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you depu—” Stiles stops short. The deputy is now in front of him, directly in front of him and, Jesus wept, he is the most gorgeous man that Stiles has ever seen.

[whoreiaki-kakyoin]

Another sad, wailing meow hits Abbacchio’s ears and he sighs. He had just wanted to relax with a glass of wine and maybe a good book. Laur was away for a few days taking care of some errands for Giorno, and that left only him and the cat she had insisted on taking in.

“What?” he sighs. The cat trains wide green eyes on him before crying again. “I fed you. I gave you some toys to play with. You’re never this loud.”

Another meow. “You miss her, too, I’m guessing.” He holds his hand out, letting the cat come over and nuzzle against his fingers. Abbacchio thinks for a moment, watching as the little creature butts its head against him insistently. He knows what Laur would probably do in this situation, thinking back to many evenings of her cooing over the cat like a baby while Leone insisted she was spoiling it too much. Sighing, he pats his lap. “Here.”

“Mrow?”

“Do you want to sit? I know it’s not quite the same, but—“ he’s interrupted by the little furball jumping promptly into his lap, nuzzling at his chest with a loud, snuffling purr. Leone pauses a moment, almost surprised, then allows himself a small smile. “You were feeling lonely, huh?” He pets gently over the cat’s head, watching as it blinks lazily up at him. “Yeah. I guess I have been, too. Your mama’s gonna be home soon, you know that?” More, loud purrs as the cat arches into his hand, rubbing happily against Leone. “Yeah. Mommy’s gonna be so happy to see you.”

“And you make fun of me for calling the cat our kid.” Abbacchio looks up to see Laur, a smile on her face as she takes in the scene before her.

“When did you get home?” Leone asks, feeling his cheeks grow hot.

“Just came in a moment or two ago.” She sits down next to him, sighing happily as he kisses her. “God, I’ve missed that. I see you two are getting along well, huh?” Abbacchio smiles.

“I think we are.” Laur scratches the cat behind its ears, cooing at it softly.

“Yes, daddy loves you, doesn’t he? He was so grumpy when I suggested we get you, but he loves you soooo much!” Leone rolls his eyes as the cat purrs loudly.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“Nope. I saw it. You’re best friends, you just won’t admit it.” She giggles as he stares her down, and he relents with a sigh and another kiss.

“Mm. If you say so, principessa. I’m glad you’re home.” She cuddles closer, her head on his chest where she can hear his heartbeat, and she smiles.

“Yeah. I am, too.”

[whitherliliesbloom]

eyes fixed upon a shiny ray

[ ffxivwrite2021 ] ★ [ masterlist ] ★ [ prompt #24 - illustrious ]

[ alphinaud/wol ] ★ [ 2,858 words ]  ★ [ aetherweave au ]

witch / wizard academy au i’ve never written for. features mintdrop’s totomi and windupdragoon’s kirishimi. mentions heirsofdiscord’s moth’ir, ancientecho’s laurelis, peachteaoni’s lily and windupnamazu’s lunya.

illustrious-  famous, well respected, and admired

asking the star student of the most prestigious magic academy in eorzea out to the end of year prom is as daunting as it sounds

“Gods, sulk all you want, but can you at least stop pacing? You’re making me dizzy.” Alisaie sighs heavily, resisting the urge to yell only because she knew full well that her voice would echo through the halls at lightning speed, and she’s already been reprimanded for noise disruptions one too many times in the past now. 

Where she sat atop the wooden desk, she glared down at her twin, who has been walking laps around the back of the classroom with his hands plastered upon his chin for the past 10 minutes now. Alisaie had hoped to spend her free period practicing Blitz Ball, but it would seem that her brother and practically the rest of the academy was far more hung up about the upcoming end of year promenade dance, and she’s close to getting sick of all the endless chatter about who everyone was going to ask out as their dance partner.

The young witch in training had about just the same amount of interest in her brother’s love life as she did history of the arcane arts, which is to say none at all. But family is family... and if Alphinaud failed in his endeavor to ask out the girl he’s had his eyes set on for the past year now, she will never hear the end of his relentless mutters.

“Just ask her directly. It’s not that hard is it?” Thancred thinks to chime in from two desks away, fiddling with his jet black wand. 

And though Alisaie wholeheartedly agrees with Thancred’s assessment, she cannot bring herself to pass up the opportunity to call him out either.

“Hah, like you’re one to talk. How long again did it take for you to ask out Moth’ir? And you’ve known for what, almost your entire life now?” 

Light banter and friendly, healthy amounts of spite is normal among their group, and Thancred seems to be unaffected by Alisaie’s words as he throws his hand up and shrugs with an unapologetic smile. 

Alphinaud doesn’t stop pacing - not until he feels a light zap of lightning strike his bare hand and jolt him out of his focus, his head turned up to look at the wide chesire grin of the transfer student who twirled his leopard patterned wand between his index and middle finger playfully. Internally, Alisaie thanks the high heavens.

“Hien!” Alphinaud’s voice is a mixture of accusatory, confused and startled, and the raven haired student could only let out a hearty laugh before leaning himself back against the wall.

“Relax! A little jolt won’t kill you.” Hien begins waving his wand recklessly in the air, no doubt asking for reprimand if a teacher were present. “Anyways.. Who’s the lucky girl who’s caught the eye of our Alphinaud here? Must be someone quite special for him to be so nervous.”

Everyone’s eyes collectively widen, now fixed upon Hien as Thancred opts to answer on behalf of his friend.

“You don’t know? It’s Illya. It’s always been Illya.”

“Mm... Sorry, the name doesn’t ring any bells.”

The silence lingers a little longer now, as the other three exchange wide eyed glances of shock between them. 

“Y-you.. you don’t know Illya?” Alphinaud sounds utterly taken aback, and Alisaie almost speaks up to remind him that not everyone would be as enamored with the star student of Aetherweave as he is. 

“The little witch of a thousand miracles? Lady of the endless garden? The viola nebula? The star blossom? The tamer of the beasts? The one who pulls down the stars and wears them under her hat?” As he listed off the top of his head some of the most famous titles that had belonged to the object of his infatuations, Hien could only hum softly in thought as a response.

“I’ve heard of a few of those titles... I didn’t think they were all referring to the same person, however. Just how many names does she go by?”

Had it been anybody else, Alisaie would have probably accuse them for living under a rock - because anyone who has studied at Aetherweave academy would certainly not go long without hearing of Illya’s name. She didn’t know a single person in the academy who has not heard of at least one of the girl’s heroic exploits with her friends. 

Hien however was a transfer student, one who came from a sister academy back in the Far East only a few months ago, and despite having settled into his new surroundings comfortably, is still not entirely aware of all the gossip and rumors that run rampant in the magical halls of Aetherweave. 

“More like.. what name doesn’t she go by.” Alisaie’s shoulder rises and falls. “Have you heard of what happened just three months ago? About the Guardian Tree at Everschade?”

“That rings a bell. It was in the process of dying but somehow magically got rejuvenated and started to bloom purple flowers, didn’t it?”

“That was her doing.”

Now, Hien’s eyes are wide in surprise, letting out an elongated whistle as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

“By the kami...”

“She was also one of the few students in the academy to have not only met but also tamed a wild wyrm. They say her new dragon friend, Midgardsormr is sitting right in her backyard.” Alphinaud adds, “Her friends and her were also the ones who were at the front of the charge in the winter of last year, defending the school when there was a surge of Sineaters coming from Lakeland.” His hand rises up to hold his chin. “Not to mention, she’s a top student. She’s consistently been in the top 5 of our year when it comes to grades. And her command over magic is praised even by grandfather himself.” 

Praise coming from Archon Louisoix himself? That certainly is something worth prestige and recognition. Rightfully impressed now, Hien’s lips turn upwards into smirk as he turns to look back at the boy. 

“Well, I can see why you’d like her. What’s the problem then, friend? Is she not easy to get along with?”

At Hien’s suggestion, Alphinaud quickly shakes his head.

“Oh, no, she’s not like that. She’s very approachable. Perhaps a bit...shy, and not very good at speaking to strangers at all, but she’s a wonderful person. Perhaps... a bit too nice, is all.”

With his response, Alphianud drops his head with a heavy sigh and casts his glance downwards onto the floor in exasperation, and it prompts Hien to hold back any further questions. He merely turns to look at Alisaie and Thancred, who can only frown and shrug respectively in silence.

It wasn’t that Alphinaud hasn’t tried to ask the girl out - he’s been trying to for months now, well before even the details of the promenade dance had been released and he saw it as a good opportunity to finally ask the girl out to be his dance partner. 

He’s tried many times, and failed spectacularly an equal amount. 

Perhaps as a result of her kindness, Illya has found herself surrounded by a group of other equally individualistic and unique friends who, in one way or another, has interrupted Alphinaud’s attempts to ask her out at least once. 

He remembers Illya’s best friend, Laurelis, a joyful miqo’te girl who was well aware of his affections for her friend and is even the most enthused out of all of Illya’s circle about helping them get together... but has also unknowingly sabotaged his attempt to ask the girl out to movie date when she’d pulled Illya to town right after school for an impromptu shopping trip.

Lunya, a sharp-tongued girl who had been in a different class from Illya had been ecstatic to find that her friend, who she would not normally get much time to study with, had opted to take the same astrology and fortune telling electives as her. And for the three months that they had been together, she would always swiftly pull Illya away from him with a protective glare. 

And Lily, who studied in the year above them and was close and dating Illya’s pseudo big-brother figure, had busied Illya with the task of tutoring her after class on how to become better at healing magicks, an endeavor that took up almost all of Illya’s spare time and he could not in good conscious ask her to abandon her close friend’s heartfelt request - especially after learning that her wish to become better at healing stemmed from an accident that Kaye had almost sustained a fatal wound for during last year’s battle against the Sineaters. 

He can no longer keep track of the number of times he’d failed in his attempts, let alone take into account his own confidence beginning to waver... but the two golden foil tickets and a pressed lily in his pocket weighs heavy, and as Tataru and Krile had so eloquently egged him on and warned him, he might not get another chance ever again if he missed this one. 

“OI! HIEN!” A loud, boisterous voice calls out, and a loud thud and an ‘oof’ from Hien sounds out, followed by a breathless chuckle as he shakes the woman who had tackled him against the wall off himself. 

“Kiri, your greetings are enthusiastic as ever, but we’re in the middle of something now.” 

“Huh?” Mismatched eyes finally turn to look at the twins and Thancred, and she lets out a nonchalant shrug. “Oh. Uh, sorry I guess. I can leave ya guys to it then.”

“No, it’s quite alright, Kirishimi.” Alphinaud smiles warmly at his senior, the tone of his voice amiable as ever. “We weren’t talking about anything important.” 

“I didn’t know you considered you not being able to ask Illya out to prom as being unimportant.” His twin sister snickers, and Alphinaud bites back an aggrieved huff. 

“Alisaie-”

“Illya?” Kirishimi’s expression lights up, ears perking as she places her hands upon her hips and gestures towards the direction of the front entrance of the school. “Speakin’ of her, I think she’s leavin’ to go on a date with someone. I saw them going down the stairs after I passed by her classroom and they were talking about uh... ‘desserts’ or something.”

“W-What? A date?” There’s panic evident in her voice, normally already fair complexion on the elezen boy rapidly paling now as he takes a step towards the taller woman. “Is...Isn’t it still in the middle of the school period?? They can’t possibly-”

“Town’s only a few minutes walk away though?” Kiri retorts with a shrug, “They’ll have plenty of time before the next module an hour later... and maybe they’ll even have time enough to work in a kiss or somethin’-”

“I-I... I have to-” Before even hearing the rest of Kirishimi’s sentence, Alphinaud finds himself bolting out of the classroom door and down the hallway towards winding flights of stairs and talking paintings, who chime out in surprise and ask a collective series of ‘where are you going?’ which goes unanswered.

Thancred turns to look at Kiri, a suspicious glint in his eye as he quirks an eyebrow out. 

“She’s not really going on a date, is she?”

Kiri merely shrugs, a mischievious smirk plastered on her face as Hien wraps a proud arm around her shoulder, an equally triumphant grin upon his face.

----------------------

By the time Alphinaud’s found himself past a few feet in front of the building, and sees a familiar curtain of swaying white hair and a tall witch hat crowned upon it walking towards the fountain in the middle of the academy square and towards the front gates of Aetherweave, he’s already rapidly short of breath and found his legs aching, his lungs gasping and burning desperately for air. 

But he doesn’t allow himself to stop- cannot allow himself to stop as he swallows back the lump in his throat and continues sprinting forwards, his voice calling out to her loudly from across the pathway.

“Illya! Illya wait!” 

He thanks the twelve when he sees the lalafellin girl stop in her tracks and turn around with a bewildered expression, her companion beside her equally startled and stopping  next to her as well - though he pays no mind to them... cannot bring himself to exert enough energy to focus on anyone other than Illya. 

It isn’t until he gets closer to the pair, sweat trickling down his brow, his chest heaving as he pants for air heavily and his hands gripping onto his knees as he lurches forward does he finally recognize just who the mysterious student that Illya has decided to go on a ‘date’ with.

“W-wait.... wait a minute..” Alphinaud mutters in between huffs and sharp inhales, navy blue eyes staring down at a lalafellin with familiar straight cut bangs and ruby red eyes. “M-m.... Mint?!” 

Mint.... is Illya’s date? The genki self-proclaimed witch idol peppermint?? Who also happens to be dating his friend Estinien??? She’s who Kirishimi tricked him into thinking was Illya’s date?!

“Whaddya want Alphinaud??” Peppermint lets out a huff and a pout, seemingly unconcerned at his haggard state as she crosses her arms over her chests. “Illya promised to get cream puffs with me during our break time. If you wanna have some, you’ll have to get in line!”

“W-what...? That’s not...”

Twelve forfend... He’s been deceived utterly and completely... He’d like to think he would be a bit more perceptive and intuitive enough to know when he’s being lied to or played but... it would seem like all sense of rationality of his flies out the window when it comes to Illya.

The girl in question merely gazes up at him with concern swirling in her lustrous violet eyes as she tightens her hold on the book she had been holding close to her chest. 

“A-are you okay, Alphinaud?”

The worry in Illya’s voice urges Alphinaud to quickly swallow and give her a nod, a reassuring smile gracing his features despite his drained complexion.

“I’m... I’m quite alright. Thank you, Illya.” 

His heart skips a beat when his smile is mirrored by her, and the radiance of her presence is almost enough to leave him dumb and speechless until she speaks up once more to question him.

“Did you need something from me? You seemed like you were in a hurry-”

Oh seven hells... how is he going to explain his way out of this now? He could make perfectly reasonable and well timed excuses for his other failed attempts... and he could just as easily lie to her and say that it was nothing now... 

But he knows not only would that arouse suspicion, especially with someone as perceptive to people’s lies and intentions as Illya was... but it’d perhaps put her on edge around him in the future. 

And though he’d have liked to invite Illya to prom in private and free of an audience member consisting of someone from her circle of friends, he’s already made a right fool of himself and caused a scene between them.... So to hide away or run from the situation would be...

With a defeated sigh, Alphinaud fishes out one of the tickets from his uniform pocket and holds it out to the girl with trembling fingers, watching in anticipation as her own starspangled eyes widen in shock. 

“I-I.... I just wanted to ask... If you would perhaps like to go to prom with me?”

The normally talkative Mint is now completely silent, holding back impish cheers and laughter as she merely steps back to pump her fist in the air, leaving Illya on her lonesome as a heat quickly spreads across the girl’s fair cheeks and reddens the bridge of her nose. 

It doesn’t take much thought at all for Illya to raise a hand up to take the ticket from him, gazing down thoughtfully at the reflective golden foil and the silver letterings etched into the shimmering surface until she finally remembers to nod in answer.

“Um... Y-yes... I would love to-”

---------

Illya is grateful that nobody else other than Mint had been around to bear witness to what happened, or she’d be certain that the whole school would be privvy to the gossip before sundown. 

Mint’s teasing and chattering is enough on it’s own to deal with, as the girl cheerily munches into her cream puff and speaks in a hushed tone to the violet eyed girl on the other side of the table. 

“I’m so glad for you, Illya! Now you don’t have to worry at all!”

“Y-yeah... I-I suppose so..” The heat from Illya’s cheeks hasn’t dissipated, and she stares into the reflection of the warm milk tea in her hands. “B-but.. what am I supposed to do with the love letter? I’ve been working on it for weeks and now-”

Mint pauses for a moment, cheeks puffed up and full of food as she continues to chew and darts her eyes up to the white ceiling in thought.

“Hm... Well you can still give it to him! Maybe during the prom or something? I’m sure he’ll appreciate it very much!”

[the-giant-prisoner]

Forming the Bond

“We need to get close to the giant.” 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spara was right; this was insane. Not only were they dealing with a giant unpredictable beast, but the stakes were high if they were caught as well. Marshall shuddered at the prospect of yet another round of Calder’s wrath. 

“The coast is clear.” Marshall whispered, leading the charge regardless. His keen eyes peered around corners, checking for any of the royal guards on their patrols near the cavern entrance. Marshall waved Spara on, the two young men keeping a keen ear out for any unexpected visitors in the night. It seemed lady luck was on their side; they reached the caverns without any interference. Both crept down the staircase, footsteps light and not making a peep. Just before the stairs opened up into the ledge, they paused.

“Do you think it’s awake?” Spara whispered.

Marshall listened intently, shaking his head. “It’s asleep.” After all, he had grown quite used to the creature’s snores when flanking the slumbering beast on the way back to the city.

Sparta nodded, murmuring under his breath and letting an orb of light appear in his palm to see and confirm the report. The giant was slumped against the back wall, dead to the world as its chest continued to blow huge gusts of air on a whim. 

“Be careful.” Marshall warned. Spara scoffed; he was always careful. 

The cavern walls were decorated with several ledges like the one the boys were standing on, winding all around the perimeter for previous access to prison cells. With the new renovations, several of the pathways lower down had been cut off, limiting the amount of danger Kitlevians would hopefully face. 

The current ledge Spara travelled along was at the same level as the giants head, craned back in a way where the giants head rested against the wall and the pathway led to an exposed space behind the giants neck. 

Spara’s hand went to his knife, the usually brave prince feeling on edge as he felt surrounded with the giants head forming a roof above. This close, spara could hear the giants every movement. The shifting in is sleep.  The growling of its stomach. The hitching of its breaths.

Wait… Spara listened closer, confirming that the breathing had become uneven, almost as if the creature was crying in its sleep. Was the beast having a nightmare? What could be so terrible that it frightened a beast?

Unfortunately, Spara might be about to find out. 

“Here goes everything.” Spara murmured, putting up mental barriers to protect his own sanity. If this went poorly, Spara could lose himself. He tried not to think of all the other horrible things that could go wrong- what if the giant woke up?

But Spara was not going to sit by and let the kingdom fall to ruins. He would discover the beasts plot himself, his curiosity was too strong.

“You better not drive me insane.” Spara hissed, before placing his shaking palm against the beasts neck.

Instantly, Spara was flooded with an overwhelming amount of information. This was not the mindless bleating thoughts of a sheep; this beast had thoughts, dreams and sentience all so complex and foreign Spara feared he may drown trying to make sense of it all.

Spotting something familiar, Spara dragged himself into the memory of when the giant first woke up in the caves. Watching the events unfold from the eyes of the giant this time, Spara could feel the emotions of the beast: indignation, wrath, and most prominently, fear.  Spara shuddered, feeling as though a fear so great might overwhelm him entirely.

Spara dug further, trying to get a sense of where all this fear was coming from. He saw Magdalene, hovering food and water barrels towards him in offering, but Spara felt more scorn for her than usual. Over and over the glowing orbs of the cavern seemed tied to the giant's hatred as well. Why? Why?

“Dect dectla teche.” 

It felt like an answer, but Spara didn’t understand what it meant. He dug further, looking back into the giant’s past, only confused further by the images which came to surface.

“Laureli Huilou Valentine!” An unfamiliar elderly figure proclaimed, in a sparkling ballroom the likes of which Spara had never seen. Laughter. Faces, familiar to the giant but not to the Kitlevian. A golden crown was offered to Spara, but before he could take it the memories shifted.

A great scaly beast. A girl dressed in pink petals. A great crackling noise, the ground beneath Spara falling away to send him plummeting into a glowing chasm-

“Magic is dangerous.”

Spara gasped, stumbling out of the connection and falling with a lack of grace onto the ledge beneath him. Spara knew with complete certainty that memory hadn’t been spoken in Kitlevian. But then … 

It seemed Spara wasn’t the only one jolted out of the connection. The giant above him shifted, letting out a loud groan. Spara froze, terrified as the gargantuan person before him shifted without any knowledge of his presence. 

It seemed as if time stood still for a moment, Spara still feeling the after effects of the fear inside the giant’s mind. He trembled, begging whoever was listening that the giant wouldn’t find him in such a vulnerable state.

Thankfully, while startled by the connection break, the giant didn’t seem to notice the mental (or physical) intruder; with a sigh, he slumped back once more, sending some rock debris scattering down onto Spara.

Spara flinched, stuck trying to process out his next move as he listened to the giants breathing and even out in sleep once more. Waiting longer than was strictly necessary, Spara crept out along the edge, hurrying back to his worried friend.

“Magic.” Spara declared. “He’s scared of magic.”

[mayrubyy]

Fearless (m)

➻ Pairing- Baekhyun x Reader 

➻ Genre - Idol!Au, Privé!Bbh   ➻ Word Count - 1.6k 

➻ Rating - (M) 

Warning! this contains strong language and sexual themes - fingering, dirty talking and bbhorny stuff that are intended for mature audiences. Please don’t read if you’re not comfortable with the said themes and if you’re under 18!

A/N - this was brewed while conversing with my favorite neon babe @baek-byunies​ at 3 am back in fall. it was an interactive drabble and it’s got its tiny good dose of daddy kink and bbh’s privé velvety shirt, his sparkling audi and slender fingers. ;)

Tagging - @suhoerections​ @byunfirstlady​ (ily laure) @stolenjendeukie​ ♡

Golden lights shimmered in the background as you stood by the pool. It’s deep blue and electric, mysteriously turquoise as if it were beaming with life. The ambiance is an extravagant myriad of lucent smiles in their milk and honey auras, bright flashes capturing their delighted causeries as they clinked their toasts. You’re elegantly dressed up for the event and he’s standing perhaps a few feet away from you. His gaze dithering about as the reporters surrounded him.

His dark orbs were ravenously fixed on you and he was licking at his luscious pink lips, biting down on them ever so softly. You meander away, through multiple bodies that were otherwise busy and swaying to jazz. The cocktail is doing its bid at driving him ecstatic as he follows in pursuit of you. Your hands soon clamp along the glass railing. It’s cold and breezy. The wind drifts through your hair and for a moment, you’re relieved you’re away from the suffocating snares and glares of the wealthy snobs. A breather, for you and the man behind you, for once.

“All work and no play makes jack a dull boy.” He rasps in your ear and his own slender fingers rest beside yours on the railing. His voice is husky, strained from the never-ending interviews. “How long are you going to make me chase you, princess?"

You look into the horizon ahead, the skyline is gorgeous as ever. The city of dreams glimmering in its otherworldly glow and a soft chuckle erupts from you. You flash your teeth at the man beside you in a wide grin. "What is it about me that you find so amusing.. that you decided to leave a horde of reporters behind?”

Baekhyun sneaks closer and presses himself firmly into you. His lips delicately press into the back of your neck and you shudder at the suddenness of the proximity. He further buries his nose into your neck and rasps, his voice needy and husky as ever. “What can I say? I find your presence quite intoxicating."

"Ever heard of primal instinct, sugar?” He continues peppering soft kisses to your exposed shoulder as his hot breath streams sultrily over your skin. The mere sensation from it sends every nerve in your body into overdrive. He then slowly trails upwards and nibbles softly down on your earlobe. It elicits a loud whimper from you and he quickly places his hand over your mouth and shushes you. “Shhh…don’t wanna get caught among the snobs now– do we?” He plants a few more kisses along your jaw before chirping in your ear again. “How about we take it from here to somewhere safer– or somewhere dangerous? You decide.”

It wasn’t long before you answered his question. His gaze was desperate and you were intrigued to experience the thrill he promised to offer you. And as you exasperatedly found yourself seated in his passenger side, you weren’t sure what was making it harder, his hand sensually gripping at your thigh or all the dirty things he wouldn’t stop whispering he would do to you. His audi zoomed through the expressway and his words had arousal pooling between your thighs. And you were nearly struggling to stifle your moans as he began trailing soft circles with his thumb onto your skin.

“I want to ruin you, baby. You’d let me, won’t you?” His breathing was ragged as he cooed, eyes stygian and dark, darker than the pits of the abyss. You knew Byun Baekhyun was a fearless man but this was all rather overwhelming. You couldn’t help but think about how your night at the Privé Alliance Fashion Launch would turn out like this. You were one of the vips. A New York Times bestselling writer who’d made it big only recently. And, never would you have expected for things to escalate so quickly like this.

But, here you were.

You’d hoped Baekhyun would take you straight to his suite. Wrong. He made a sharp turn and entered the expressway that lead out of the city. “Mr. Byun… that’s-,” you tried to question where he was taking you but he cuts you off immediately. “I’ll keep you safe. Don’t worry princess.” It was all that left his juicy lips, a playful sneer curving wickedly on them.

When his audi finally came to a halt, Baekhyun caressed your inner thigh, his lips were slightly parted before he dropped a quick question. “Are you dripping? because fuck baby.. I can almost smell your arousal from here.” You gasped as his slender fingers slithered along your thighs and trailed between them to stop at your clothed core. He could definitely tell you were a sopping mess down there and the next thing you know, a stern command leaves his lips.

“Get in the backseat."

Your heels were aching from the stilettos you were wearing and now was the time to get them off or so you thought but Baekhyun stops you immediately. "Don’t. I’d like it if you keep those on.” You couldn’t help but smile at the little pout that lingered on his lips for a second or two as though he was terrified you’d take them off. He looked like a kid whose favorite toy was being snatched away and you stifled your smile.

“O-Okay?” you nod at him and in a few moments you’re in the back seat and he’s joining you with hungry eyes like he’s been starving all night. His velvety shirt clings to his skin as he hovers above you and a dreamy smile takes over his features before a quiet whisper leaves them. “May I?”

“Y-yes,” you stutter and in a frenzy, he cups your face hastily and crashes his lips to yours. He tastes sweet. So goddamn sweet. His tongue sweeps along your bottom lip, almost dangerously as he seeks to delve deeper like he’s needy to explore every nook and crevice of you. You let him devour you and the backseat is drowned in his irresistible groans and your unsteady whimpers. Baekhyun leans closer to you, pushing your dress out of the way, fumbling with the fabric to get more access to your gorgeous collar bones. He suckles gently on your supple skin, leaving traces of pink in his wake. He travels upwards, snuggling into the crook of your neck before inhaling sharply. “Fuck, baby. You smell absolutely divine. I bet you taste divine too.”

You were far too lost in his words to realize his fingers were sneaking past your thighs again, quickly finding their purchase at the hem of your panties. Baekhyun smirks cockily and pulls them down just enough to get a delicious glimpse of your glistening core and he’s savoring the view with all he can take.

“How perfectly wet,” he purrs, “and all for me babycakes?” rubbing soft circles on your inner thighs again his fingers slowly travel where you’re aching for them the most to be. Baekhyun teases your sensitive nub with his thumb and you hiss at the tantalizing touch.

“Mr. Byun, please.” You cry out. He merely chuckles at your pleas. “Mhmm getting eager, are we?” You nod your head frantically and a devilish smirk morphs onto his face. “On one condition though, sugar.”

“Call me the five lettered word,” Baekhyun withdraws his digits and swiftly takes them into his mouth and a quiet groan leaves his lips as he tastes your essence on his tongue.

“You happen to know the word, do you?”

You shudder under his gaze as you struggle to let it slip down your tongue. “D-Da.”

“Louder, sugar.” His voice is awfully threatening. “Your pretty little mouth would look so good saying it. Come on.”

“D-Daddy.” You stutter and when his two long digits slither into your core without warning, your body jolts involuntarily. He pauses for a good second before curving them as skillfully as he can and aligning the pads of his fingers perfectly against your g-spot. He then increases his pace torturously. “Mmhm, yes. You like that princess?” Baekhyun captures your lips with his again whilst his fingers continue to pump in and out of your sopping cunt.

“Y-yes d-daddy,” you mewl into his juicy lips. And he swallows your moans down. “Fuck baby, moan louder for me. Daddy likes it.” His fingers are unrelentingly thrusting back and forth. Baekhyun trails more kisses down your jaw and then sucks a sharp hickey on your neck. The air is thick and so is his voice as he continues pleasuring you in ways you could have only dreamed of. Your body felt electric, and your walls were becoming tighter with the tension that was building in your stomach.

“Are you going to come like the good girl you are?” Baekhyun grunts “Gonna squirt all over my fingers, princess?” He doesn’t stop. Not for the world and you knew you couldn’t hold it anymore. Your body squirms when he circles your clit with his thumb. You tremble violently and your orgasm rips through your abdomen like a wildfire.

You writhe against his fingers and a loud moan leaves your lips. “Fuck. Just like that baby. That’s my good girl.” Baekhyun praises you as you squirt all over his fingers, wetness pools around your thighs and your cheeks are flushed. Heavy pants fill the backseat and he peppers your collarbone with more kisses. As you settle in the glow of your orgasm, he pulls a napkin out from his pocket and wipes you clean, smirking away while he’s at it.

“Not only are you sexy but you’re also so fucking adorable.” He grazes your cheek with his thumb and pulls you in for another soft kiss. “You’ll let me pamper you after I’m done fucking your brains out in my suite will you princess?” his eyes were heavy with lust and you knew you wouldn’t let an opportunity like this slip and so you answer-

“Yes, daddy.”

˚⁺☾ hello it’s maya again! i hoped you enjoyed that please leave your comments if you’re borny for demons and fae lords like mr. byun~  i love reading them they give me so much life  ;-; again thank you so much for reading! have a wondeful day! remember be humble be brave dkafjak ♡ ･。

[fa-by]

Hi, Faby I'm finally free of homework. I loved your theory on all these years. I laughed at the memes. many CS say we have a version of Camila with all these years, but we don't have a similar version of Lauren but at the time that Camila and Lauren weren't together (after Camila left the group) Lauren kept thinking about Camila because she kept writing songs based on her relationship with Camila like all night. Can you make a song analysis of all night?

Hello to you, dear @camilalauren0327 👋🏼😄 I'm glad you're free from your homework 💪🏼 I'm also glad that you loved my interpretation and that you laughed at the GIFs.

So. About All Night, I can tell you it's track n° 11 of Steve Aoki's Neon Future IIIalbum. Both Laur and Steve loved the time spent together in the studio, and Steve totally loved working with her: “She’s got so many ideas and the problem is, they’re all good. She’s very meticulous. The attention to detail Lauren has is something I don’t find in many people. She’s very attentive to the detail. She’s got those ears, she’s got the sensibility and the vision, and I’m just totally inspired to be in the studio with her”.

As for the lyrics, were already there, but Laur rewrote them and wrote the bridge from scratch. Vocally speaking, she did all the backgrounds and vocally self-produced. So the vocal production? It's hers. It was her. Yeah. She's thattalented, and people still sleep on her. But anyway. Let's move on to my interpretation now, shall we?

Verse 1:

“My heart beats a little faster

When our eyes meet, in the middle of a crowded room”

Typical reaction of when we meet someone we like. You know? Heart beating fast as Laur says, along with butterflies in the stomach, cheeks blushing, palms sweating, adrenaline, dry mouth, palpitations, hot flashes, etc., etc.

“In knee deep, testing waters”

What does ‘in knee deep’ make us understand? That it wasn't an ordinary person that she just liked, but that it was a person that she really liked very much. *cough Mila*

“I've got a feeling, and I don't know what to do”

Why? Because she knew it was different and contrary to the past, she didn't know how to act.

Chorus:

“You got me paralyzed, and I think I like it”

As I think you know, ‘paralyzed’ in this case is intended as being blocked by a strong emotion (such as amazement). Mila got her paralyzed. Their situation and feelings were so strong, so deep/in knee-deep, that Laur was petrified by it. But despite this, as I said before, this was different. Unlike anything she'd ever felt before. And she liked it.

“Caught me by surprise, I'm not usually like this, no”

It caught her by surprise because she didn't expect it. And we know why she wasn't usually like that. Because she'd been in denial all her life. Because she'd always fought against these feelings.

“Got me paralyzed, don't think I can help it”

She couldn't. Even if she tried, she couldn't. She couldn't help herself.

“Why's it feel so right?”

Why did what she was taught to be wrong made her feel so good/right? Because it was. It was in general, but it was even more so with her. With Mila.

Post-Chorus:

“Let's keep this going all night

Going all night

Going all night

Going all night”

Freedom. Without thinking of tomorrow. Tomorrow's tomorrow.

Verse 2:

“The crowd fades, tunnel vision

In a daze, and the only thing I feel is you”

Because she was the only important thing. The only thing that mattered. All the rest? They were just surroundings.

“In perfect, syncopation”

Syncopation can be a rhythm, a passage, or a dance step. Syncopation in music occurs when a rhythm is unexpected and is played off-beat. It's like, an oscillation in a soft and not stiff way. It's an imbalance and prolongation of a note in the middle that creates an effect of, precisely, oscillation. Flamenco is the simplest first example that comes to mind for both musical rhythm and danced rhythm, but syncopation is used in many music styles. From the classical music of Mozart and Beethoven, to the ragtime ancestor of jazz, jazz itself, rock, metal, reggae, hip-hop, pop, house, salsa, etc.

To give you a practical example to help you understand better, count 5, 6, 7, 8 out loud three times in a row. From the fourth time, keep counting out loud and, at the same time, use the palm of your hand or the clenched fist on a surface to hear the rhythm yourself and understand how stable it is. Do this three times or even more until it’s natural for you to keep up the pace without having to keep counting 5, 6, 7, 8 out loud. Once you've done that, keep counting mentally and hit/tap 5 a little bit harder with a little pause, and then just 7, 8. It would be like: 5, no hit/tap, 7, 8.

FIIIVE, seven, eight - FIIIVE, seven, eight - FIIIVE, seven, eight.

You can slow down or speed up as you like, and this, dear @camilalauren0327 and babies, is an example of syncopation. If you guys want, to listen and understand better, I also found this for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-H6oXpF-tw.

But anyway. What's my point? Why explain all this to you? Because for many composers and producers, syncopation is a vital element because it helps them tie the rhythm and the melody of a song together. The use of syncopation in music in general, but more precisely in a song, makes the track different and even unique at times.

And now that you know this, Lauren did or didn't use a beautiful metaphor with a simple one-word to describe her and Mila? *she was so phenomenal and romantic 😍*

“Face to face, tell me do you feel it too?”

Sounds weird that Laur was wondering, right? Well, it actually isn't because this song is about the moment in the timeline they were in the Like Friends Dosituation. Laur was still in denial and therefore they didn't speak. She didn't know if Mila still wanted her or not, and most likely, it was just before Mila started her relationship with the mystery girl because it coincides with Lauren finally accepting herself and her feelings for her.

Chorus:

“You got me paralyzed, and I think I like it

Caught me by surprise, I'm not usually like this, no

Got me paralyzed, don't think I can fight this

Why's it feel so right?”

The difference between the first chorus and this, is the ‘don't think I can fight this’ here. As I said before and as we know, Laur had been in denial all her life and she’d always fought against these feelings, but this time it was different. Thiswas different because Camila was different. Hell, Lauren herself was different. The environment she was in was different. Different especially from home and from what she was used to there. Her feelings were different. More powerful. Nothing like the crushes she'd had on other girls in the past, and she knew, because she knew, that she was going to lose this fight. Here, or rather at the time at that moment, she was simply admitting it to herself.

Bridge:

“But maybe I should wait

Let it fall into place

'Cause I keep going over

The things that could come from me feeling this way (Way)”

She was having second thoughts here. Her fear took over. Fear is the most powerful tool in the world. It makes you do unimaginable things and it makes you not do what you really want.

“And I don't wanna play (I don't wanna play)

This emotional game (This emotional game)

But when you pull me closer

I cannot deny that I want you to stay”

BUT, she finally gave in. She overcame her fear by finally admitting to herself that she wanted her, and not just physically. The ‘stay’ is tricky because if it's read just like that, it only means a physical action, but for Camren? It means so much more. An example that comes to mind now is the ‘It's almost 2AM and I can't ask you to stay’ that we find in Feel It Twice. For them, the ‘stay’ is not just a physical action. It's deeper. It means staying with each other. It means staying/being together.

After the bridge, we have the post-bridge and then the chorus again (in which that raspy, mature high-note occurs on the “I cannot deny this love”, which honestly leaves me dead every time) which I've already explained, so that's it, dear @camilalauren0327. All Night is a song about Laur's acceptance of her feelings for Mila.

I hope you liked it, and, I don't know where you live, but I hope you're having a wonderful summer or a beginning of winter. Sending you a hug 🤗

For you guys, on the other hand, I hope you too are having a wonderful summer or a beginning of winter wherever you live 😊 I'll try to keep answering your asks whenever possible until I get home in September (damn places with no connection and only one wi-fi).

Always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️