#lately ive been thinking about devotion without love | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

loemius · 4 months ago

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here’s my hot take of the night:

the e-temples that have been cropping up lately are cool, and im glad to see people making specific spaces to come together to worship. that’s awesome! i’m very here for that as a concept. i love nothing more than to see the theoi get the praise they deserve.

that being said, i am very wary about the amount of people i have seen calling themselves priests/priestesses lately. not even just in the e-temples! ive seen multiple people in the tags who have in their bio “priest(ess) of [deity].” i realize most people probably don’t mean harm by it, but it gets under my skin. to call yourself clergy implies a specific level of knowledge and experience with a religion (which isn’t my business to get involved in your praxis like that, that’s personal unless you wanna share it), but more importantly, official recognition by an established institution. there are not that many of these (that i am aware of) for hellenic polytheism. calling yourself clergy is simply that — calling yourself that. there’s no backing for it, and it genuinely concerns me.

we as the polytheist community talk a lot about harmful practices in spirituality, things like spiritual psychosis or cultural appropriation, which are important topics to discuss. it’s been said before and i’ll say again — people claiming to be spiritual authorities of some kind without any kind of proof can be very dangerous. i don’t assume anyone has bad intentions. i give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that everyone is just trying to help other people worship. but it doesn’t change the fact that calling yourself a priest(ess) will make impressionable or unsure people look up to you, and that is a hell of a lot of responsibility. i am concerned that there are minors running these kinds of blogs. that’s a lot of pressure on someone’s shoulders, especially to put on someone who is still growing up and developing their research and critical thinking skills. i don’t want to gatekeep or anything like that. im very glad to see minors having really good experiences with their faith, that they’re excited to share it with others. but it just concerns me.

im certainly not as experienced as other practitioners on this site, having had about two years of experience at this point, but i am very wary of anyone who claims to be any kind of authority on anything unless you can back it up. regardless of if your blog says that you’re not an authority, calling yourself clergy of any kind implies that. people will take it that way. it inherently implies a level of authority, knowledge, and experience on a particular subject, which is usually backed up by having an official institution that recognizes you.

perhaps this is a little callous of me, but in the same way that when someone makes a claim about the theoi academically, i expect them to have sources to prove it, i expect clergy to have some kind of proof of their authority. otherwise, what are you doing that’s different than any other tumblr blog?

to be clear, i don’t have an issue with these devotional spaces. i simply take an issue with people referring to themselves as clergy when that is a particular term with a particular context and a particular implication. words have power. i earnestly think if people just called themselves something like ‘stewards’ of a particular temple, i wouldn’t be so bothered by it. or just call yourself a devotee of a particular god. ultimately, at the end of the day, the words we use have power and implications, and that has to be acknowledged and respected. send tweet

#helpol #hellenic polytheism #my posts #i might delete this later. idk. im feeling saucy tonight.#i think i need to be more on the hard recon side of helpol tumblr but most of those blogs post pretty infrequently unfortunately #which im guilty of too because i dont make original content often #but whateva #im just kvetching at this point #i should make a tag for that #kvetching tag

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nebbyy · 7 months ago

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Hi! I'm not sure if you are currently taking requests, so feel free to ignore mine if you aren't! If you are taking them, however, would you please write something for King Baldwin IV overhearing reader sing and falling further in love with her because of her soft and sweet voice? Upon realizing that he's there, she becomes extremely flustered and apologizes for disrupting his peace and quiet. Thank you!

King Baldwin IV x reader - Sweetest of melodies

A/N: omg it’s been so long since I’ve received a request! I can’t lie, Baldwin is my supreme comfort character, I think I’ll never stop writing fro him because it gives me sooo much joy😩😩😩 I personally like to think of this piece as taking place a few months after Baldwin’s and reader’s wedding, so it could be considered a sequel for my first fic ever. Also, the song mentioned in this piece is a real song from the 12th century called "Can vei la lauzeta" (in English,"When I see the lark") by Bernart de Ventadorn, and the painting is "Lovers in a garden" by Charles Edward Perugini!!

Oh btw!! I’m working on a long ass series about him, based off of a prompt by @phantomsghoulette which I absolutely LOVED. Sooo all the KoH fans stay tuned for future updates🤭

Warning: nothing really, just pure fluff. Maybe you could say that religious innuendos could be something triggering for some people but I don’t know. There might be ONE, SLIGHTLY spicy mention but only if you squint really really hard. Also, keep in mind that the historical accuracy in my fics is rather relative, I try to add some details here and there but I don’t have the knowledge (nor the skills) to write a piece 100% accurate to the real history. Also, reader’s gender is female and uses she/her pronouns!!

Word count: 2918

Someone would say Baldwin's patience could already be put to test by only his illness, which she ruthlessly does not grant him a moment's respite, the eternal enemy of his body and his spirit. But no, to this perpetual torment of his had to be added the perilous duties of a king. And it was certainly not governing his people and lands that sucked what little energy he had left; this duty of his, given by his father and willed by divine design, he had long since embraced.

It was the nobles, the leeches who had drained him of his lifeblood lately. It was their endless demands, the insidious words that hissed behind his back, the languid bows and sleazy gifts designed only to gain some favor from him. Looking around him, he seemed to see only vices and sinners, power-hungry beasts just waiting for his moment of weakness so they could feed on what Baldwin had under his power.

In fact, not without reason in the past the young monarch had attempted to abdicate the throne and leave it in the hands of one of his sisters, rid himself of this burden and devote the rest of his short life taking care of his declining health and to nurture his mind away from so much corruption. At times he dreamed of retiring to France, experiencing for the first time that cold climate and verdant landscape of which his preceptors and advisors told him so much.

In fact, not without reason in the past the young monarch had attempted to abdicate the throne and leave it in the hands of one of his sisters, rid himself of this burden and devote the rest of his short life taking care of his declining health and to nurture his mind away from so much corruption. At times he dreamed of retiring to France, to experience for the first time that cold climate and verdant landscape of which his preceptors and advisors told him so much.

And he dreamed of taking you with him, imagined how sweet his life would be if his only concerns were taking care of his health and you, faithful wife, sole blessing in his life battered by such burdens. How he would wish that his days would revolve around you, that his first thought in the morning would be riding by your side through the flourishing meadows, and his last thought in the evening would be caressing your face as you lie slumbering in his arms.

It would have been a blissful fate his, if only Sybilla's husband had not died at the very moment when he would have needed him most. If only his mother had not convinced him that Guido de Lusignan was a good fit for his sister and had continued to seek a new consort for her, perhaps that fate would not have been snatched from him so early. Too late to repent now, for Baldwin would have preferred to die agonizingly on his throne rather than leave power in the hands of that bumptious and arrogant lord, who was noble only in title.

And so he found himself in this sort of hellish limbo, forced into a position that should never be required of a man in his condition, but prevented by his morality from abandoning his reign, impelled by faith in God's greater plan, that his suffering should not be in vain.

And his faith always seemed to strengthen when he had a way to escape the stifling air that characterized the throne room, always packed with knights and crusaders and nobles, when he had a way to retreat to the palace gardens, one of the few verdant places in all of Jerusalem.

With slow, swaying steps, Baldwin strolled slowly among the local palm trees and flower beds from the faraway lands, those where men speak Italian and the more distant ones, those from which his fathers came. Exotic fruits mingled with those more congenial to the French, who out of nostalgia for their lands and fields did what they could to bring the seeds of these plants with them to overseas.

His mind seemed to go out, shifting his attention from the constant buzz of court demands and duties to the chirping of birds perched on the roof, to the eviction of the soft branches that shielded him from the scorching sun. He enjoyed the refreshing air that reigned in that small oasis of greens, which was able to infiltrate the fabric of his white robes, crossing the bandages that covered much of his body and finally reaching his skin, numbed by leprosy.

To tell the truth, of that refreshing sensation little reached his damaged nerves, if not for those few points that had been spared by the merciless disease, from which departed that unusual shiver that caused him a delicate smile of relief, enjoying the refreshing breeze. Then he closed his eyes and breathed in, discovering with satisfied surprise that that light gust was also a harbinger of an intoxicating perfume, a mixture of exotic and familiar.

How funny to think of the concept of "exotic", for an Angevin born and raised in the unknown lands of the east. For him it was exotic French fruit, exotic were the green plains and heavy clothing that brought his allies from the northwest, and equally alien to the snowy mountains and forest beasts that he saw drawn in detail in his childhood books. It was these changes of perspective that stimulated his mind in a myriad of thoughts and reflections, but in a pleasurable way for him, not as exhausting as his daily duties.

His reflections on exotic and local made his mind travel, wandering until he came to a subject very close to him: Muslims and Jews, reflecting well on the landscape in front of him, recognized that he could share with them the same concepts of what is foreign and what they can claim the original belonging. And he could not but reflect on how it must have been for the first inhabitants of Jerusalem to observe the Franks who came as conquerors, and filled their gardens with such foreign plants as those pale warriors who had taken possession of their dwelling... But after all, the French soldiers who were emissaries of God’s will needed something familiar to stabilize them as they fought to reclaim the Promised Land, ut Deus voluit.

But all his brooding over these matters of conquest and submission ended up in the background in his mind, when a colorful scarlet sphere caught his attention. An exquisitely red apple seemed to tempt him from a branch just above his head, beckoning him to be picked and savored by the king, that he might lose himself in the juicy sweetness of that fruit with origins so far removed from the Holy Land. But the king's modesty prevented him from yielding to that temptation, wanting to avoid exposing the advanced state of deterioration in which his mouth was.

And in fact if that temptation had been alive it would have pale in front of something much more captivating, a sound that echoed in the most melodious distance of the song of any nightingale. Baldwin was surprised to think that he had not realized before the melody that inibriated the atmosphere around him, so taken by the tribulations of his mind that he almost missed such an intoxicating song. He did not know what he felt once he arrived in Heaven, if he had ever arrived in spite of the unjust fate in Hell that the evil Saracens wished him. He didn’t know it, but if one ever had to imagine what Heaven sounded like, that song would come to mind.

When I see the lark beating

Its wings in joy against the rays of the sun

That it forgets itself and lets itself fall

Because of the sweetness that comes to its heart

She sang in Occitan, the beautiful one in the distance. The voice of his people, of his lineage, that few in the palace can pronounce after so many years of distance from their homeland in Provence. Paying more attention to the echoing song, he would not even have had to approach it to give a face to that melodic voice: he knew how to recognize his wife’s voice.

Yet it was a new context in which he saw you, new facets of you that he had not yet had a chance to observe. Your voice, sweet as honey, venerable like all your other traits, he had never heard it except in speech, when you were proclaiming orders before your subjects with the authority fit for a queen, or when you laughed at the poems and performances of the court singers, or when you whispered in Baldwin’s ears sweet words, while you lay with bodies merged between the soft silk sheets. Always spoken, but never sung.

Alas! Such great envy then overwhelms me

Of all those whom I see rejoicing,

But though he didn’t need to approach you to recognize you, the desire to see your face exceeded any of his other needs. As if mesmerized by the sound of a siren, Baldwin was advancing towards you, with steps so slow that it seemed a hunter about to catch a deer in the woods. He wanted nothing more than to hear you sing again, that you continue to bless him with that angelic melody. What worse sin would there be than to interrupt your song, more sacred than a prayer?

His stomach filled with butterflies and turned upside down like the beasts' jugglers, his breath seemed to stop in his throat, depriving him of the breath he no longer needed, as long as he could hear you sing a moment more. And her cheeks warmed, when finally she saw you among the white lilies, more beautiful than divine salvation.

I wonder that my heart, at that moment,

Does not melt from desire.

Baldwin wondered if you sang with him in mind, if those words of love reflected your own emotional turmoil.

Oh, if only it were so, and your singing equalled his own words inscribed in the sonnets and poems he composed in your honor, which he himself commissioned from your favorite singers to perform at banquets, only to steal an embarrassed smile and to see the blush of your cheeks, along with the glint in your eyes.

Whether it was or not, the outcome remained the same since he was at that moment in your proximity, in the same state mixed with adoration, love and wonder at the bold gesture. But if only he had confirmation from your words...

Alas! How much I thought I knew

About love, and how little I know,

Because I cannot keep myself from loving

The one from whom I will gain nothing.

"My angel, your voice sounds like heaven but your words are false." Baldwin practically saw you blow up from your session, completely taken aback by his sudden appearance, unaware that your husband has been acting as a secret public all this time. Your initial surprise quickly turns into a laugh to mask your embarrassment for being caught in a moment like this, when you thought you were alone to be able to run the streets of music with your voice.

"I beg your pardon, I thought I was alone in the gardens," your eyes met his own only for a moment, before you turned your face to try and hide the blush of your face, "it was just a silly song I heard singing to the Provençal knights. I hope I did not disrupt your walk, my love..”

He laughed softly, trying to hide his amusement from having caught you off guard. He approached you more quickly than when he did just a few moments before, but with the same phlegm that managed to inspire a feeling of safeness in you. Sitting by your side on the bare rock, he raised his bandaged hand to gently cup your face and make you turn your eyes towards him. It was only then, when you had no choice but to look at Baldwin in the face that you noticed how his eyes, the only part of his face exposed to the outside world, formed two half-moons, and you came to find that it was because of how widely he was smiling, as you lowered the veil from his face.

He was making fun of you, you realized. With that swagger in his manner, you understood that his amusement came from your embarrassment at that silly misunderstanding. Laughing softly, he gently shook his head before bringing both hands to your face, holding it as if it were the most sacred of relics. "As much as I would love to hear you sing of your affection for me, just to hear your voice echoing in the air is the sweetest of gifts. How could you deprive me of this blessing thus far, my dear?"

You could do nothing but giggle at his sweet words, bringing your hands to his wrists to feel him closer to you. "You flatter me, my king. My voice boasts nothing more than those sweet melodies that the singers in the palace sing. Mine is only a dabble."

His gaze softened, his playful spirit addicted to your presence. He took the floor again, in a tone as soft as cotton, "At least this once, my queen, allow me to disagree with your words. My life may be short and my reality small, but never have I heard such an angelic voice, singing such sweet melodies. And God may not yet have granted me the ability to predict the future, but in my heart I know well that never will any singer be able to hold a candle to your beautiful voice, never will any song be able to express the same feeling of ecstasy.

"You, my angel, have managed to make a simple ballad an absolute work of art through your voice. I think I should take you with me into battle next time, for with your mere voice you could addict Saladin and his entire army.

"And seeing you here, angelic and perfect like the lilies that surround you, singing so softly that it would make any bird jealous, that I realize that whatever toil, whatever challenges God has stored up for me, and all those that still await me in my life, are worth it, if at the end of each of them there is you, voice of an angel, to hold a place for me in your arms of heaven."

You were sure you were on the verge of crying a flood of tears, the result of pure emotion at his sweet words. It was not new to you that Baldwin worshipped you as much as the God to whom his kingdom was consecrated, from the first moment he got to hear your voice and admire your face, and you knew at once that he had become yours, body and soul. But it was new to you to see him like that, completely entranced by your simple being-it was something new. A wonderful newness that made you feel like the most desired of women on this earth.

Taken by a rush of boldness, you practically jumped into his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck; you ended up on top of him, with his hands around your hips. You both laughed, like two little boys frolicking in the gardens. And you left a kiss on his left cheek, then on the bridge of his nose. A kiss again on his forehead, and then down on the side of his lips. When you were about to give him another kiss, just where he most yearned for your lips, against his, you stopped a few inches away, with a wide smile, before speaking again, "If so little is enough to make your happiness, then I will sing to you every day, whenever you ask. Let me be your nightingale, your morning song and your lullaby all at once!"

"I couldn't wish for anything else, my dear. Now, however, I beg you, sing one more melody for me, before my duties drag me back to the palace, and I shall consider myself a blessed man."

"With great pleasure, my love." Your voice was now little more than a whisper. With a languid movement, Baldwin moved his body to rest his head on your lap, and you eagerly greeted him. After slightly moving the hood that veiled his head, so that you could play with his golden locks, you began to sing a new melody, one that this time spoke of reciprocated love, of the joy of being able to hold your loved one in your arms. But the words you sang barely reached Baldwin before his sky-colored eyes closed softly, his mind giving him at least a moment's despite from his perilous life. You continued to sing, caressing his face, which from day to day appeared more and more mutilated by his disease, singing the sweetest of melodies so as to prolong this idyll in which you and your husband found yourselves in.

For with you Baldwin had a way of putting the crown aside, and being nothing more than a foolish young man in love, whose only duty was to love you, to love you with all the love that an angel like you deserved.

@sweetworkoffiction hope you like it <3

#fluff #writers on tumblr #f!reader #kingdom of heaven #king baldwin iv #king baldwin x reader #king baldwin x you #koh #medieval fiction #historical fiction #writing requests #requests open #anon ask #anon request

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wooahaes · 6 months ago

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ok so a lil overview of what ive been reading recently (as in over the past few months)!!! all the positive stuff lmao i'm not gonna include the stuff i dnf'd or the stuff i rated one star on goodreads because of my issues with it.

i've mentioned before that i've been reading a loooot of keigo higashino novels lately (again, thank u wonwoo haha still haven't read miracles of the namiya general store but its on my tbr + i own it so no rush). only so many of his novels have been translated to english so:

i've read malice, newcomer, and a death in tokyo from the detective kaga series. i think out of the three, i adore malice and newcomer over the third. all three are good reads though! they're crime dramas following detective kaga, who was a teacher until he switched paths. he feels like a very laid-back character tbh and i adore the down-to-earth outlook he has when solving his cases.

i've also read the devotion of suspect x from the detective galileo series and i hope to read more next month (since i'm gonna try to read queer books for pride month!!). i literally finished it at like. 1 in the morning and fucking loved the twist in it! it's hard to talk about without spoiling any of it though.

outside of that, i read my dark vanessa by kate elizabeth russell, which... honestly is such a heavy read but it's such a good one. i loved it from start to finish, i love russell's prose and how well she writes a very despicable character. it's really easy to understand how vanessa ends up in the situation she did, and i truly adore the ending and the sentiment found within it.

i am also a gillian flynn girlie through and through. gone girl was what sparked my love of reading back into existence last year, and its genuinely a thrilling read where its kind of easy to see yourself in amy's character, as much as you don't want to see yourself in her character. sharp objects was also incredibly solid and i enjoyed the twist within it. while i didn't like dark places as much (kind of hated the ending but i enjoyed the build up a lot), i do flynn's writing style and ability to write the absolute worst fucking people still a fun experience.

on a lighter side!!! spoiler alert by olivia dade was a novel i enjoyed a lot! it's not perfect and i wish the plus size rep was a little bit better, but i still saw a lot of myself in april while i read + i adore the fact that she's seen as hot from the beginning by marcus.

unfortunately i don't have a ton of lighter options because one of them is what i'm currently reading (imogen, obviously by becky albertalli) and the rest are books i literally just checked out today.

#wooahaes.txt

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furymint · 1 year ago

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2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections: 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

#ngl writing this out made me feel like #i reopened a lot of grief about my ability to work and create #and i need to walk away from it before i cry even more lol #thank u to my fc for still being the place #i love to visit when i wake up #even though all of us a struggling a lot #with life and ingame motivation #brianna babbles #bri edits #bri writes

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tothedarkdarkseas · 2 years ago

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Hello i have read your entire collection of fics and i gotta say. Wow . what a Talent for the Grime. im not a 2doc girlie unfortunately but I've been softened. won over. I can now see 2doc and go "well that's very interesting. I wanna see where this author goes w it" instead of the general feeling of he would Not fucking say that. bc the truth isthat maybe he would . say those things he says in your fics etc. You understand. Most of all i have an appetite for grime and i have had it Saciated. i saved the plastic beach fics for the end bc i knew they'd be the ones id be more predisposed 2wards and while i was right i will say -> paula fic sweep. i love ms cracker she's such a cunt. as a dyke well all i can say is come 2 bed sweetheart your horrible mean gross standoffish attitude is wasted on a rockstar like stuart. I haven't read a hotter woman in a while Congrats. um but yeah also the plastic beach fics i left some comments bc oysters got to me Bad i never fully felt the impact of plastic beach from a murdoc perspective w such INCISIVENESS and POWER just the fucking spiraling horror of putting yourself in that position out of desperation and PRIDE??? god. GOD. and then the fic you have pinned. the fic that.made me check out your ao3. god . ive been in bad relationships that hurt me greatly and i had to keep seeing the.person. It was So cathartic. the mixing of 2ds identity w murdocs the enmeshment the. The

sorry 4.the.long ask im a little drunk but you HAVE to know you have got a NEW BIG FAN

i wanna see.more of your noodle and cyborg noodle :( noodlez mean so much 2me and 2d and noodle in seething coast got to me so fucking bad. russ' small role also got me weeping but not as much as 2d and bday girl noodle ending did. your 2d is perhaps the most interesting read ive seen on the character so far .

This message brought so much joy to my night, as did your comments on AO3! I apologize for my lateness; I absolutely intend to respond to them over there (as far as my intentions go for the foreseeable future I will always respond to comments or asks, so long as anyone is kind enough to stop by! It just takes a few days sometimes, whoops) but I'm so enchanted by the ephemeral nature of the drunk message, I've got to let you know I've seen it, haha.

I love the sentence "unfortunately, I am not a 2Doc girlie" as it feels quite backwards from the other side of it. I would say, being someone who has written exclusively 2Doc stories for their fanfiction career and runs a bizarrely devoted 2Doc blog years longer than they ought to have, being a 2Doc girlie is an unfortunate thing to be. I wouldn't blame you having apprehensions! If you can believe it, when I got into Gorillaz I would avoid the shipping element altogether and skip past any 2Doc that popped up along my way; I also felt a sense of... neutrality to profound disinterest toward it, and had things gone differently after I may have bowed out without any lasting words exchanged and moved forward along the fandom line, as so many do. I felt some sense of shame, I think, to admit I was reshaping the characters by my own wants, but I accept now that this is what Gorillaz fandom is; the nearer to canon one can go in tone, the better, but there's a point where the road forks (splinters into four forks, and four more further down, really) and for the sake of your own stability and consistency, you have to make a decision about that character's path. Anyway, sorry, I'm rambling! Hopefully that doesn't bore you to tears, but your message made me think about it all again, and I enjoy doing so!

Thank you for reading everything, good gravy, it's a tall order and I'm just-- I am beyond flattered. I am beyond humbled. I am moderately embarrassed by some of the early writing, but I'm incredibly touched nonetheless. I am especially grateful for Paula to make her way into a loving home, biting and spitting all the way. Stuart is not and will never be equipped for the job. ("It's rotten work, especially if it's you," only Paula's not asking him to do it and she's sure as shit not offering it in return. God, I love that woman.)

Thank you. I don't know if it's too sappy and too sincere to say, but I think we grow in sincerity, I think we are emotionally and mentally fed by honesty even to a degree of discomfort, and so I swallow that embarrassment and say... you naming those stories, sharing your thoughts, sharing with me a connection and a sense of caring for Oysters, Ampersands, Seething Coast-- the stories that I cared most for, stories that drew the most from myself even when I tried to obscure it, stories that still sit close to the breast-- that is special. That really means more to me than a comical reply can express. I'm really glad that these scenes meant something to you and that they get to live in another person. That's the horror and the prize of writing, it's the thing you dread doing wrong and losing in the void; but to hear months or years later that it's found someone, and they felt something for it, and they're not embarrassed for you that you've stumbled through making something like this from these characters, that's all you can dream of. That's everything. It matters very much. I can't say I have anything new on the horizon for Noodle (...and I can't say what I have done in the past few months is anywhere near cresting the horizon) but this message gets my heart thu-thumping and has me mulling her over. Maybe one day we can revisit the mess again. If you'd like to listen, this song always makes me think of Stu and Noodle, specifically on that illusion of solid ground in the years after Plastic Beach. I listened to it sometimes to get in the mood to write them.

youtube

#<3

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claennis · 1 month ago

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Mahler’s 2nd with MTT, LSO and LSC, Alice Coote and Siobhan Stagg (20.10.24)

As MTT stepped out onto the stage and the audience erupted into applause, I could already feel emotional. Earlier this year, I made an off the cuff decision to purchase tickets to see Sunday’s performance without thinking about logistics. 2024 would usher in MTT turning 80 (in 2021, he was diagnosed with glioblastoma). I spent the late 90s-early 2010s seeing him conduct with the SFS and collecting his recordings with my late mother. There was a lot of nostalgia and memory attached to the event and it was building up to the moment he walked up to his stand, turning to us, the audience with a smile and saluting with his baton.

Mahler and MTT have become synonymous over the last three decades and I’ve only become semi-familiar with Mahler through the Keeping Score documentaries. MTT has been devoted to delivering Mahler’s ingenious craft through his entire career and so I knew we would be part of something special. Jonathan and I have listened to the “Resurrection” symphony on our own, read the pamphlet’s take—though nothing could prepare us for how immense, how powerful, how intense this piece of work is.

Mahler’s 2nd features an over-100 symphony (we’re talking every section was doubled: two timpani’s and eight double basses! not to mention, off-stage percussion and trumpets) and an over-100 LSO chorus so if you can picture it, the stage was completely filled out. It consists of 5 movements with the final divided into 3 subsections—it has 26 parts, took Mahler 6 years to compose and has a duration of 90 minutes. A wonderful quote from Mahler himself that there is no necessitation in explaining the “meaning of his Second symphony”; that he “was in no way concerned with the detailed setting…but rather of a feeling.”

A feeling?! More like a vast, dizzying array of all the feelings that human beings are capable of experiencing yet can’t quite make out. Mahler’s music is abstract, hard to describe, occasionally baffling so personally by movement:

I. With serious and solemn expression throughout: my favourite. I love the introduction of the nervous string tremolo with the double basses and cellos bringing forth the grim motif. Mahler has a thing for funeral marches but this is no funeral march you or I are familiar with. It’s dark, relentless and what a way to throw an audience into what feels like water rapids in the deep unknown.

II. Very moderate, never rushing: it’s a waltz! Kind of. If you watched TSoM, it would remind you of the Ländler (that pinnacle of romance!) and it’s a bit of light and hope contrasted against that fore-bearing introduction.

III. Calmly flowing: this bit is sarcastically jolly; brightness with an edge. It ends abruptly and jarringly.

IV: Very solemn but simple, like a chorale: mezzo-soprano Alice Coote is a powerhouse! she’s got such timbre and projection. She blew soprano Siobhan Stagg out the water later on.

V. Scherzo tempo: in a wild outburst: the finale has three sections bookmarked by moments of absolute stillness. You could hear a pin drop in the hall, that was how quiet those pauses were. Here were the off-stage horn and percussion calls and each time, the orchestra would swell a bit more than the previous until the chorus joins in, then the soprano and mezzo-soprano. As the entirety builds up to its final climax like Hansel’s Messiah complete with the sound of chimes as church bells, you could see the audience perching on the edge of their seats. The end is coming and you’re just waiting for that ultimate culmination of triumph—gates of heaven opening, there’s the resurrection.

The moment that last note was breathed, played, let loose into the atmosphere of the hall, the audience erupted into a 10 minute standing ovation. I felt like crying again because it was just pure respect and adoration pouring out into that hall. It felt like the world showed up for MTT; in that diverse audience of young and old, locals and internationals, no one wanted it to end (an encore after Mahler wouldn’t be right). MTT had a chair but he never really sat in it. The fervour of his conducting has toned down a bit but it didn’t lack the vibrancy to carry this enormous, massive work through to its end. He would do this again on Wednesday night, as I overheard another audience member preen about the fact he was coming to the Barbican again.

I don’t know if I’ll see MTT conduct again, which made Sunday night feel once in a lifetime to me and that I had the opportunity to share my love for classical music, a piece of my old home, San Francisco via MTT with my other half—it does bring a lot of emotions to the forefront. Life has been gruelling—Jonathan and I work in difficult settings. But as artist and writer Charlie Mackesy once said, “These notes can thread together to heal a broken heart.”

#a one time post as I have nowhere else to put it

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fluffyseal322 · 1 month ago

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“An appearance of 666 reminds us that we humans can become too wrapped up in our “problems” and lose sight of what’s really important to us and in life in general. If 666 appears in your path, it is a divine nudge of redirection. You might be over-focusing on something trivial to the point that you’re losing sight of what’s really most important. Take note of when and where you saw the angel number. This could lend insight into the area of your life that needs refocusing. If you keep seeing 666 while you’re stressed out about a certain friend, it could be a sign that you’re not remembering the bigger lesson of relationships is to learn and grow alongside someone—not to dwell on issues but to remember that even the issues are all part of the process.

What does 666 mean in love?

In love, angle number 666 is an omen that you have become tangled in the fantasies or dramas of romance, instead of remembering that love requires a little bit of effort each day. Love grows over time and requires nurturing and a true sense of devotion to the person you’re with. Rekindle your passion for being there consistently for the other person, without getting carried away into the future or hung up on the past.”

I have been really stressed lately because of Azrael. Ever since we hung out for the very first time on October 11, I’ve been anxious on an extreme level. I’ve taken every single action of his to heart. I’ve taken actions that he didn’t do to heart. Actions that you wouldn’t really think much of if it’s on a mutual friendly level. My heart was open and my love spilled everywhere that day. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed his company so much! So, so much that I long for more time. I am grateful the universe gave me that opportunity and it truly is a blessing to feel and see that connection with my lifentity. But now that I’ve finally received all that I’ve longed for. I’ve learned everything I’ve needed to, what do I do with this information now? What do I do with myself? I need to become busy again and spend time with myself. Reconnect with myself. I’ve almost forgotten why Ive sought out god, I’ve almost forgotten how important my best friend is to me, I’ve completely forgotten why I wanted to learn Japanese in the first place and I’ve lost motivation to do things I loved. I’ve almost stripped myself away from myself again. I’m so glad I didn’t but why do I do this? How do I stop myself from losing myself completely? If I went head first into any relationship, I would’ve lost myself again… started from day one. I’m sure of it. I thank my lifentity for showing me this and I thank god for giving me strength and the eyes to notice this. Now this is a problem I must fix. And I do have to add, my mentality started getting worse when he’d cancel plans and every action just felt like an excuse to get farther and farther away from me. And I’m not even sure at all if that really was the case but that definitely was my reality for a short few days. How can I say I love myself when this is a very damaging habit towards me and the person I love.

This is a moment of: “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” This is not the time and place for him to receive love by me just yet. He’s seen all that I am capable of and how my soul truly is, it’s only a matter of if he actually took an effort to notice this and if he wants a love like that. I must remind myself though, his intentions must be in its purest form as I am an over thinker. I can’t let myself love someone if I am not sure if their intentions are pure. This whole process definitely was tedious and hard for me, I’m not sure if I can do this again nor do I want to. It’s hard, maybe I’m not as patient as I thought I was. I hope that there is someone out there who has been working hard on themselves so their person would have to burden much suffers of a relationship(just like me).

Recently my mind has felt so heavy. It feels like I’m trying to run away from the burdens attached to my ankles. Everyday I wake up drained, with no real purpose anymore. I stay awake looking for distractions from my own mind. I smoke heavier to forget the pain of it all and to feel like a complete new person just for a moment. Just to come back to my senses and realize everything is still the same with no real solution. I had only gotten cheap solution that wasn’t a solution at all. I was avoiding, distracting, running all just so I didn’t have to think about or feel that hole I put inside myself. It was all my doing. I opened myself up to him, I silently attached parts of myself that he seemed to like, and once the day was over I let him leave with love still attached to him and expected nothing in return. I never wanted anything back but at the same time, I hoped for anything in return. I’m not mad at him for giving me nothing while I gave him everything I could. I wanted to and I did. I’m happy I got to love him in person. But I’m more grieving than I am happy and grateful. I miss the parts of me I remember having before becoming closer with him. I miss the chance of telling him how I really feel towards him. Most of all, I miss the chance of understanding how he feels towards me with raw communication and not just by my perception of his tone and body language. Azrael, I do hope you come back to me. I’m sorry if I’d given you any troubles or if you felt pressured at all or even if I’ve given you any bit of stress, I’m so sorry. I do hope you see my worth one day and you’ll come looking for me. But if not, I pray that you find genuine happiness. And I hope the girls that you will choose will be just perfectly made for you. 🩵

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grincubus · 2 years ago

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could we get nsfw/kink hcs for nami and nico robin with a male s/o? preferably dom but you can make it more neutral if you want. please and thank you!!!

this one was fun to write b/c ive never thought of either of them as subs before lmao. ask and you shall receive <(￣︶￣)>

headcanons for nami / nico robin x dom male s/o.

N/S/F/W CONTENT ; MINORS DO NOT READ / INTERACT, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

cw: restraints (both), light voyeurism (nami), light free use (robin), sensory deprivation (robin), groping? (robin), light public sex (robin)

NAMI

being watched. not by anyone other than you, though! she loves touching herself while you watch, especially if it's some sort of roleplay where you're a neighbor passing by and happen to catch her spread on the bed masturbating before coming in to "finish the job". if you sit back and make her finger her cunt in front of you, she'll cum so hard she'll see stars. loves the reverse of it too, watching you work your cock for her.

when you cum on her. she thinks you cumming inside her feels really gross, so you'd better pull out in time and not expect her to swallow, but she secretly likes it when you cum on her body. feeling your hot cum on her back, chest, and especially face really gets her going for another round.

roleplaying. gets really into it LMAO. her favorite one at the moment is her as a newly minted marine trying to climb up the ranks who captures you, a notoriously dangerous pirate, only to escape your restraints and puts her in her place by fucking her stupid. ♡

hates quickies. she spends enough of her day worried about lost time! why would want to deal with that during sex, too? loves it when you devote your time to pulling her apart bit by bit and spoil her. it makes her feel so good. ♡

clothed sex, but is too embarrassed to admit it. the desperation behind it is what really gets her going. she especially likes being felt while she's wearing her clothes, but only in the right moments. if you've been working her up throughout the day and sidle up behind her to slide your hand up her shirt and rub her pussy through her shorts, her knees will be buckling in no time. (she also likes thigh riding, but specifically while she's clothed.)

praise kink. nami likes being complimented. if you don't do so first, she'll initiate it, asking if she's being good for you, if she's the prettiest woman you've touched, if her pussy feels so good you'd want to fuck her forever. it turns her on like crazy! a good way to tease her is by praising her, but be specific; she hates generic compliments.

being restrained. finds it really hot when you tie her up and push her down into the mattress to go to town on her, but it's actually quite hard to do. as a pirate, it's not very difficult for her to break out of her hold. she always ends up coming loose and often does so to annoy you, so you'll have to get creative in your punishments. ♡

NICO ROBIN

unsurprisingly, using hands. she'll secretly fondle you in public using her devil fruit abilities. she gets off on making you cum without actually being with you. she does this often to incite your annoyance to punish her later. has a thing for your hands as well - she loves when you finger her, especially during quick & dirty moments when you're both needed elsewhere.

being restrained. unlike nami, it's more of an amusement for her lmao. she can always get out whenever she wants. likes when you force her hands behind her back and bully your cock down her throat ; the idea of being unable to move is arousing to her.

getting it on in dangerous places. not so much into weapon play, but she's something of a mild adrenaline junkie. she loves being bent over the rim of the crow's nest and fucked when she could fall at any moment, or getting plowed in the alley next to a busy market where marines could catch her at any moment.

sleepy sex. not into somnophilia, but she looooves when you fuck her early in the mornings or late at night, when she's drowsy and can feel the heat of your cock spearing her cunt open. ♡ it's a good way to clear her mind and just feel good, but it can be tiring.

slight free use. she won't drop her pants during any circumstance, ofc, but she finds being fucked whenever and wherever you want exciting. being desired by you at all times gets her hot, so when you tug her aside from a meeting or in a street and tell her what you want, she won't refuse. if you approach her when alone and feel her up, she'll reciprocate.

loves cockwarming. with how busy she is she doesn't get to do it often, but it shuts her brain off immediately and fills her with hot tingles from head to toe. at night she'd much rather warm you while you sleep than have you pull out, but she especially likes warming you with her mouth, sat under your desk while you work and nursing your cock in her throat. loves to work you through multiple orgasms as well.

sensory deprivation. she's always so aware of everything all the time, so she loves handing that burden over to you! loves not being able to tell or control what's happening to her and having that decided by you. when you tie her up and blindfold her, even gag her or plug her nose while you do as your please or punish her, she'll lose composure in minutes. ♡

#one piece smut #one piece x reader #male reader #nami x reader #nico robin x reader #mine

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heartofstanding · 3 years ago

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thoughts on margaret of anjou? or alternatively, could you tell us a bit more about 'the henry vi experiment'? x

Going to answer this in two separate posts so not to cross streams too much and because I have a lot to say!

My thoughts on Margaret of Anjou are that I love her. I actually have this post going around in my head as I write this:

The "real" Margaret is largely lost. The images of her that have come down to us have been filtered through misogyny, anti-French rhetoric, Yorkist propaganda and slander that were then adopted by the Tudor-era writers who found plenty of material in a transgressive women, and, of course, culminates in Shakespeare's depiction. She appears to have absorbed the blame for Henry VI's policies and behaviours, becoming the person people held responsible for the loss of territories in France, the failure of peace efforts, the ruin and "murder" of "Good Duke Humphrey", the purported unscrupulous favourites like Suffolk and Somerset, for the increasingly isolation of Henry's court, for "forcing" York to rebel, for the failing to produce an heir in a "timely" fashion, for leading resistances against Edward IV and causing a disturbance to the peace, etc, etc.

It's impossible to tell just how much Margaret was actually responsible for the "bad government" of Henry VI's reign. In some cases, she probably wasn't responsible at all: Suffolk rose to prominence several years before she married Henry, she was only 15 when she married Henry and shouldn't be held more responsible than the older men at court, and it was a common tactic to criticise a queen or a favourite rather than criticising the king directly, which would be treason.

The interesting thing is that had Margaret actually succeeded in restoring Henry VI and the Lancastrian to the throne, she would be remembered in very different terms. Instead of the devouring, destructive she-wolf, she would be seen as a loyal wife and devoted mother who did what was necessary to protect her family. It is really interesting reading Helen Maurer's Margaret of Anjou: Queenship and Power in Late Medieval England and seeing how much evidence of Margaret's tenure as queen shows her to have acted within the traditional roles for queens, only stepping out of that accepted role when necessity forced her to take on a more obviously active role.

In terms of redemptive takes on Margaret, I'm not very interested in the type that presents her as this innocent victim, never did anything wrong, really nice woman, unfairly smeared. I'm not interested in any type of redemptive takes for any person along those lines. I want to shake them violently in a Pringles can ;) I like to think that the "she-wolf" legend had a kernel of truth in it because I don't like the declawed, bland versions of Margaret I find. I feel like Margaret was an incredibly strong woman to keep going (as many issues as I have with Susan Higginbotham's novel about Margaret, I really love how she connected Margaret with hope) and I like takes that allow Margaret to be strong and sympathetic without flattening her down or declawing her into the acceptable historical heroine mode.

#margaret of anjou #asks #feuillesmortes #text posts #i could keep going on and on #i was gonna talk about margaret's relationship with henry vi and the trope of her having an affair with someone else #but this is very long #so feel free to ask me about that so i can ramble some more in a different post

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richmond-rex · 3 years ago

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Henry VII for the love meme? (I don’t think he’s been requested but if not then Anne Boleyn because I am Predictable ;)) <3

Oh my, I'm sorry I completely forgot about this ask! Ok, let's go:

love meme: put something in my inbox and i’ll tell you something i love about it

Henry VII: I suppose I really admire his strength of vision. Henry committed his whole self to his idea of uniting England under the crown and he made that happen not only by imposing his authority and driving royal policy but also by applying himself wholeheartedly to his work. He was quite an industrious man, and one could think that after a lifetime of having his inheritance denied and living like a hostage or a prisoner, he would dedicate himself solely to pleasure and pastimes after becoming the most powerful man in England. He had the political acumen to know that wouldn't last him long, though. Perhaps a survivor's mindset also factored into that. He never let himself feel too comfortable or safe. His story is extraordinary exactly because he had been the underdog for so long, and I think his success has got less to do with winning than with not giving up.

Pollard when talking about Edward IV said that the latter could really have united England under his rule but unfortunately, his reign was almost as much marked by factionalism as his predecessor (Henry VI)'s had been. 'Fundamentally,' Pollard says, 'Edward’s regime had remained to the very end the narrow rule of a victorious faction in civil war.' I think that perhaps it was necessary for someone that had stayed away from it all to read the country's situation with an unbiased mind and listen to both sides to heal old wounds. He integrated both Yorkists and Lancastrians into his regime and he reverted attainders that had injured both parties. This is the king that took men that had born arms against him like the Earl of Lincoln and welcomed them into his council, the very heart of his administration. He valued service and good counsel and a man could rise high in his regime by talent alone. Like Steven Gunn once said, there could never have been a Thomas Cromwell without the tradition of service to the crown initiated under Henry VII.

This 'direct line of civil servants administering the realm in the interests of the crown irrespective of the person of the king' can actually be traced back to Edward IV's reign. Those were men like John Fortescue and John Morton, but Henry VII made more use of them. I don't remember now who said that Henry VII had a real administrator's mind — I think that factor (an administrator's mind instead of a bubbling personality for example), coupled with a certain natural disposition made him smart enough to try to unite the whole kingdom not necessarily under himself, but under his heir. His son, aptly named Arthur, would be the 'once and future king', and that was all the message that was required. Though Henry is not particularly remarked as charismatic nowadays, he had a true talent for PR. A whole life having to live off appearances alone must have made him very attuned to that kind of thing.

The joining of the red and white roses was just brilliant as a PR stunt. Some people think it was just a cheap rip-off of the Yorkist white rose but setting aside the fact that Welsh poets were calling him the red rose before he had even landed in Britain (and his use of Welsh prophecy is a whole other brilliant thing), I think people just don't know the strong Marian connotations that white and red roses possessed in the late middle ages. We know Henry VII was particularly devoted to the Virgin Mary, and Mary was said to be a rose both white and red. The way I see it, the joining of the roses was not just the union of two factions at war, it involved a deeper religious meaning where Mary's white qualities (such as her purity) could be reunited with her red qualities (such as her charity). Before his children were even born Henry was already advertising that value. Henry VII understood the emphasis he needed to put on his heir, he knew how to create a commitment to his dynasty under his son so that the crown could be passed down peacefully.

Henry VII succeeded in that regard, but it wasn't an easy process. As far as 1504 there were people who weren't planning on crowning his son after his death. He didn't give up until his family and heir were safe, even though this man was literally ill with tuberculosis during the last years of his reign. Saying that is not the same as claiming Henry VII had some moral high ground, for that was just his tenacity and stubbornness — the same tenacity that made him escape so many attempts against his life by the skin of his teeth when he was young. Pollard mentions how Henry VII hung on until his heir was old enough to succeed him even though he had been at death's door so many times, and I think his herculean effort deserves some credit. He was very obstinate, and I can't help but admire that. He was also very lucky in a lot of ways, and he knew how to grasp that opportunity/luck when it presented itself to him.

Henry never vacillated in a moment of crisis, and I think that strong grip, combined with a more open mind acquired after a lifetime living on the Continent understanding the politics of Europe and away from the factionalism in England — I think that very combination in a monarch was just what the kingdom needed at the time. He wasn't flamboyant but it is his very seriousness and commitment that I admire in him. I hope I didn't ramble too much, though! Thank you for sending this ask, darling! 🌹x

P.S.: This answer was already sufficiently long but I think that Henry VII's patronage of the arts should be brought up more. Despite popular belief that he was a miser, Henry VII spent liberally on his court and Tudor patronage as we know it was very much shaped by his own. Henry VII founded a royal school of Flemish illuminations in England, he created the offices of royal librarian, royal portraitist and royal 'arras maker' (for tapestries), as well as transforming the office of king's glazier into a year-round job. He was a patron of the printing press at Westminster and of Mary of Burgundy's school of painting in Flanders. He supported poets and scholars at his court (called 'laureates'), men like Bernard André and Polydore Vergil but also Skelton, Hawes, Cornish and Pietro Carmeliano whom he provided with annuities. Henry also supported not just one but three troupes of actors, and two minstrel companies. He virtually institutionalised the patronage of arts in England through offices in the royal household, and that's something I admire about him too.

#ask #henry vii #love meme #historian: a. j. pollard #historian: steven gunn

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mothman-can-write · 1 year ago

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actually im coming back to this immediately because ive been rotating a fic about it thatll probably never get written:

Allow me, for a moment, to explain the awful vision that my brain has been torturing itself with for a while now

The snap happens, Natasha is already feeling like she’s failed only to learn that she has lost the majority of her avengers family, and then yelena and maria on top of that, she has to figure out to how navigate this world without the one source of comfort shes always had at home, without the one person shes always been able to come home to

of course she spends all of her time at the avengers base! she cant stand to go home and find it empty! she can tell herself that maria is simply spending another late night at the office but she can only lie to herself for so long, so she pours all of the energy that she has left into fixing this

and they do come up with a solution and she is so excited about the prospect of bringing back everyone she loves at last, along with everyone else of course, but then. of course theres a catch. of course theres a sacrifice to bring so many people back

she doesnt have to think twice about it, there is so many people that she wants to be able to live again, so many people that she loves that, surely, can learn to live without her

and then maria is back, and the first place she goes is to natasha, where is she? did she get dusted too? did she learn to live in the five years without her?

but shes…gone. she gave herself up so that maria could come back and she feels so selfish for the fact that her first thought is that she really fucking wishes she hadnt

and the worst part is that she knows natasha would do it a thousand times over, she knows that natasha spent every moment of those five years figuring out how to do exactly what she ended up doing

she wishes she had something so righteous to preoccupy herself with, but natasha did the hard part, natasha is the one who saved the world, and now maria has to learn to live in it without her

and she does spend the first year or two trying to figure out if she can get her back. she researches everything she can get her hands on about the soul stone before she gives up and they only reason shes still going is because she knows natasha would want it for her, she died to bring them all back and maria wont give that up

so she throws herself into global security harder than ever. she devotes herself entirely to making sure that nothing like this ever happens again because what sort of sick and twisted world lets you lose your partner, knowing that they died with your own death in their heart, what sort of world brings you back from that and says ��live’

so youre telling me that in canon maria and natasha both had to experience losing the other? and youre telling me im not supposed to just think about that constantly?

#okay im done now #sorry about that #its been driving me insane #ramblings #blackhill #maria hill #natasha romanoff

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wri0thesley · 4 years ago

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hii would j like to say that ive been reading your works since ive got into jjba (around last june) and i absolutely adore your works ♡ you are also incredibly friendly n interactive w all your readers and i rly love how approachable you are! anyway ive been having dio brainrot as of late (ehe) especially sdc dio~ i just want to cockwarm and be spoiled by him, because he absolutely seems like the type to treat his favorite pet with such love and care.. and thinking about my squishy body against his toned and muscular one really gets my gears grinding LMAOOO thank you so much for allowing people to brainrot in your ask box!! i hope you have a good day~

cooling solution - reader x dio (1.7k)

nsfw! afab reader, neutral pronouns. cock-warming, reader is dio’s pet. slight belly bulge. dub-con if you squint but reader is implied to be into it/a willing participant in their status as dio’s pet.

your lord presents a solution to the humid night-time air of egypt.

Lord Dio’s big hand rests gently on the top of your head, fingers petting your hair. You’re kneeling by him, your cheek pressed to his knee, relishing in where he’s all over cool skin in the sticky heat of Cairo. You are wearing very little, by his choice – but still, in a place like this, with someone (something?) like him beside you, even those are too close and uncomfortable.

You sigh, shifting, leaning more into the touch – and Dio chuckles, very low.

“Is something wrong, little morsel?”

Is something wrong? The answer is both yes and no; it’s wrong that you’re not on your Lord’s lap, that you’re not pleasing him, that it’s so hot and sticky and that you’re uncomfortable where you are. But on the other hand . . . nothing is wrong. Not when your Lord Dio is beside you, gifting you with his presence, touching you even in the smallest amount.

“N-no,” you say, after a moment, your voice very soft. “Only--”

“Hmm?” The hand on your head moves, stroking over the soft curve of your cheek to prick his nail into your chin and tip your face up. Your eyes meet his, golden and indulgent – he is always indulgent of you. You are his pampered little pet, and whilst some other occupants of the mansion may rush about and twist their faces into grimace and do all kinds of little chores and odd jobs, your only purpose is to please and amuse Lord Dio.

It is a purpose that you fulfil with great relish.

“You can tell me,” he says, voice soft velvet, comforting like an embrace. “I’ll do anything I can to make you more comfortable, pet.”

The caress of his voice on the soft, fond name makes you press your thighs together in need, reminding you of all of the other times he’s whispered sweet things to you when his fingers or cock have been buried to the hilt inside of you and he’s brought you past your peak over and over again, benevolent in giving you pleasure for he knows that at the end of the night it will be him who has the final gratification.

“It’s just . . . warm,” you say, your cheeks flushing even hotter.

Dio’s golden eyes stay locked on you, but you see the corners crinkle with mirth, the lightest tilt of his carefully painted lips. You are permitted to do that for him, sometimes – your face close to his, your teeth biting into your bottom lip in concentration as you coat every contour of his mouth.

“Oh,” he says. His fingertips move from your chin to brush over your neck, your collarbone – you lean into the touch instinctually again, both because of who it is before you and to chase the coldness of his undead, alabaster skin. “I can help with that, can’t I?”

“I-I would never dream of asking you, my Lord,” you whisper, your eyes widening in case he takes your carefully worded complaint against the air of Egypt as a complaint against him. He’s amused by your attempt; the hand jangling with thick golden bangles moves to grip your upper arm.

“You need not be afraid to make requests of me when I have so much I can give you,” he says, and the words send another bolt of heat through you as he uses his strength to tug you up. “I know that you’re aware my devotion to you comes at the price of your obedience – and I know, too, that you’re a well-trained little pet, hmm?”

“Y-yes, my Lord.”

Your feet are warm on the stone beneath them. The candlelight plays tricks on your body and coverings, showing the curves of your form beneath the sheer, expensive fabrics. Dio’s eyes drink in every inch of you with pleasure that he does not even attempt to hide.

That’s what you are there for, after all – not just a pretty, obedient little pet, but a treasure and an ornament he can enjoy looking at in whichever ways he pleases. If he asked you to rip out your own heart and hold it for him so he may see it, you would stand stock-still as a statue until your last breath forced you to the ground.

“Good,” he’s amused, still. “I see how you bend into my touch. Is my skin a comfort to you, little morsel?”

You nod, biting your lip again. You know what Dio is – you know his skin is marble-cool and chiselled because he is not alive. You ought to be afraid of him, perhaps – but you are hypnotised by his pretty words and the his power, the flex of his muscle when he holds you against him, the whispers of what kind of world he will make for himself and how he wants to have you by his side on your knees always.

“Cool?” He asks, humming, as they brush again over your heated cheeks. “Do you think, perhaps, you would be contented to nestle against me on my lap?”

You sigh at the thought of it – cheek against his chest, big arms and hands holding you in place, the coldness of his skin like a soothing balm.

“I would be honoured, my Lord.”

“Good pet,” He says, and he brushes his thumb over your lips. You open your mouth without thinking, and are rewarded with an emerald-tinted smirk. “Just one condition, yes? I know you’ll be anxious to please me.”

“Of course,” you say, wide-eyed.

Lazily, he reaches for his lower half, fingers expertly undoing the buttons and catches of his complicated outfit. Your mouth goes dry as he pulls out his cock without fanfare, and you see he is already hard. Your body gives another full-length throb that you feel pounding inside you like a heartbeat – you are intimately familiar with this part of Dio’s anatomy. You know what he likes, how he feels, the twitch of it inside you – all by heart.

“You say you’re hot, hmm? The air . . . oppressive. Skin sticky.” Those eyes rake all over you again, and you know he must see the beading of sweat on your forehead, the way your hands dig into palms – the glaze of your eyes as you watch him languidly wrap his big fingers around his cock, pumping the shaft. The slick noise makes your toes curl and your heart skip a beat. “I, however . . . I find myself rather cold, tonight.”

“I’m sorry, my Lord,” you say, through the dryness in your throat. You can barely think. Lord Dio has trained you to see his cock and want nothing more than to have it inside you by any means necessary. “M-may I be of any assistance?”

“Oh, good pet,” he breathes, rubbing his thumb over the tip, where his slit is beading shining pre-come. Your servile devotion, the deferential compliance . . . nothing quite hits him in the same way. “I rather think you might be. Come here.”

He crooks his finger to you, petting his knee with the hand not currently wrapped around his leaking cock. You are smaller than him – as anybody is – and it takes you a moment to manage to perch there. You can already feel the coolness of his thigh leaking through, comforting the warmth of your flesh.

“You won’t need these, hmm?” He hooks a finger into one piece of the fabric that’s covering your body, and lets it flutter to the floor, baring your form to his hungry eyes. You feel radiant under his gaze – at once unworthy, and worshipped. It’s a heady rush, knowing that he’s looking at you and wanting you. There is nothing that quite compares to knowing you are wanted by a God.

You eagerly bend into how he wants you, spreading your thighs wide, straddling him as best you can though the muscle that clings to every line of his body means your legs are stretched in a ‘v’ that is almost painful.

Dio chuckles at you, bringing a hand up to cup your sex. You start at the cool fingers on the very hottest part of you, where you are all slickness and fire. His thumb and forefinger open the plump lips of your labia so he can drink in the sight of you – the swollen nub of your clit, nestled like a pearl in an oyster. The pulsating ring of your entrance, so hungry for something inside of it – and so small that every time Dio looks at it, he wonders how you manage to take him so well.

“You want me too,” he says, and it is not a question but you nod your head frantically even so. The way that he is studying you like a beautiful piece of art is serving to do nothing but make you feel needier to press your body against him in its entirety. How could anyone not want him?

“You’re sweet,” he tells you – and then, he moves his hips just so and the tip of his cock catches against your entrance. Your fingers flex onto his shoulders immediately, by instinct – the ache and stretch of yourself around him momentarily all-consuming. He lets out a soft laugh. “You can hold on,” he murmurs, all soft, as he continues inexorably sheathing himself inside of you, inch by glorious inch. You’re slick from both sweat and desire (Dio could say your name across a crowded room and your body, you know, would react) – but that does not stop the fact that his cock could break you in half, if he wanted it to.

“M-my Lord,” you say, breathlessly, syllables forming and breaking in your throat. “S-so big--”

“Mm,” he says, another torturous inch sinking inside you. “And you, so small and soft . . .”

Your cheeks heat up under the way he says ‘soft’, the rub of his thumb over the plush of your thighs. You are all softness against him indeed – his own stiff body, all cold strength and sinew, in direct opposition to you. Dio never seems to be able to get enough of your body even so; claws and mouth and cock brushing against you, murmuring sweet things, holding and squeezing and enjoying the sight of fingers sinking into flesh.

He hilts his cock inside you, the hand on your thigh once more moving to gently push on your stomach, where his cock is distending the flesh slightly. There’s a smug undercurrent to the way he does it – reacting with unhidden amusement at the little jerk of pleasure you give, to feel him so fully buried inside you.

“You may rest against me,” he tells you – and you do not need to be told again. You shift awkwardly, the feel of his cock inside you not exactly alien, but uncomfortable when you wish to press your cheek against his chest and wrap your arms about his neck in order to feel his cool flesh give you some relief. Dio sighs as you do so, relaxing back into the chair. “There. Now . . . hmm. I have other things to attend to. Pretty thing, You’ll be good and stay here keeping my cock warm, won’t you?”

He does not need to wait for the whisper of assent that you breathe against the scar on his neck. He knows exactly what your answer will be.

#jjba #not sfw #writing #dio x reader #dio brando x reader #jjba x reader #afab reader #neutral pronouns #Anonymous #dio brando

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sevenkittensinatrenchcoat · 3 years ago

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Cats 1986 (and Others) vs. 2016

A post I made a few months ago comparing information gathered from interviews with different Cats casts has come up again recently and I’ve heard even more interviews since, so I want to add on to that a little and elaborate on the things I’ve already said.

CW: Some of the language regarding Demeter’s backstory is a bit darker than I’ve previously mentioned

So, I’ve now heard interviews from US Tours III, IV, and V, spanning from 1986 to 2012. They’re all Broadway-based, and the Broadway Revival went in a very different direction, but the three tours were all very similar to each other.

In both the tours and in 2016, the cast was sat down before rehearsals to hear the “story of Cats”. However, this meant two completely different things. The Tour casts were told the plot of the show, who their characters were and what they were meant to be doing. The 2016 was told the story of how the show Cats was created, how ALW had the idea and made a show out of it. No mention of the story and characters. This means that the Tour casts were given useful information for building their characters, while the 2016 cast got something that was interesting but did nothing to help them do their jobs in the present. More emphasis was put on the show’s legacy than on how to actually perform it. Trevor Nunn did the 2016 explaining, I believe, and it sounds like he was on an ego trip, talking about what he did instead of what the cast was supposed to do. Trevor Nunn is one of the few people who knows how the show works, so this is quite frustrating.

Though the Tour cast was given a whole story, most of them only remembered the perspectives of their own characters. The point of learning the plot was so that they knew what they were doing. It wasn’t supposed to matter to the audience. So, everyone mainly focused on their own jobs. But, everyone knew Demeter’s backstory, because it was the first thing they were told and it caught their attention. It almost became a meme that the first sentence of the plot was “Demeter was raped by Macavity”.

The story begins with Demeter having just escaped from Macavity. He kidnapped and raped her. Though she didn’t want it, she kind of enjoyed the sex, which messed with her head quite a bit. Bomba went through the exact same thing, but because she enjoyed it, she acts like the whole thing was nothing more than an annoyance. The two react to the same situation in different ways.

Jacob Brent was either given a toned down version of the story (he mentions kidnapping, but not rape), or he chose to give a toned down version to avoid the uncomfortable subject.

The 2016 knew that Macavity and Demeter had some sort of backstory, but they weren’t very clear on exactly what happened. They decided that they’d had an abusive relationship, but that the whole thing was consensual and there was no kidnapping, because the only element of this story that the audience can pick up without context is that there was some sort of sexual relationship between Macavity and Demeter, but she’s now afraid of him.

At least one cast member said that Macavity was a rapist, but she didn’t elaborate.

This messed with Demeter’s character far more than anyone expected. The rape element honestly isn’t necessary. Demeter and Macavity had some sort of sex, but it could’ve been consensual, with Demeter enjoying the sex but hating the man. That’s actually what Gillian Lynne seemed to have implied in interviews. However, the kidnapping part of the backstory is important, because it establishes the connection between Demeter and Grizabella. While hiding from Macavity, right before the story begins, Demeter sees Grizabella on the Bad Side of Town. Due to not being a Jellicle before this night, she doesn’t know who she is, and therefore has no bias against her. She just sees this woman living on the streets, humans wondering aloud why she isn’t dead, and felt sympathy for her.

So, when Grizabella appears at the ball and everyone hates her, Demeter wants to intervene, but she doesn’t want to upset her new friends. She came to the Jellicles for protection and is afraid of them rejecting her for siding with their enemy. Still, she tells the tribe what she knows about Griz, possibly trying to convince them to be nicer to her, but it doesn’t work and Demeter just starts following the crowd.

The lyrics Demeter sings, by themselves, are musical exposition that doesn’t imply sympathy. A line like “You’d really have thought she’d ought to be dead” sounds like it could be played as an insult. The words can either mean “I’m surprising the poor thing’s still alive in her condition” or “Why can’t the bitch fuck off and die already?”. Without the context of Demeter’s backstory, Kim Faure picked the latter, when with the context, it’s clearly meant to be the former. So, Demeter’s delivery of her lines in Glamour Cat in 2016 is venomous, almost sadistic.

Later on, towards the end of act one, 2016 Demeter reaches out to Grizabella like she does in most other versions, despite the earlier delivery. What made her change gears? I have no idea.

So, there was a lot of insight on Demeter. She’s the character with the most detailed backstory, making her the closest thing the show has to a protagonist.

Another character that gets a lot of attention, as he demands, is Tugger. Many Tugger actors were interviewed. I think he’s the favorite character of the host of the podcast. Different Tuggers from different eras responded to certain topics differently. Tuggers from the 1980s were unaware that Tugger was commonly interpreted as Not Straight and that Tuggoffelees is a thing. But, the more recent the show their from, the more they’re aware of and interested in the topic. The Tour V Tugger joined very late, during the last few years of the tour. He had access to the internet and could see what the fandom was up to. He played Tugger as ambiguously bi and, though he hadn’t thought of it at the time, liked the idea of the Tuggoffelees pairing. Tyler Hanes, 2016 Tugger, was the only one interviewed who played Tuggoffelees on purpose.

Tyler Hanes was very interesting. He watched the 1998 film while preparing for the role and didn’t seem to like it very much. He wanted his version of Tugger to be his own and avoided taking inspiration from any other version. John Partridge’s Tugger and Hanes’ Tugger being so different from each other might’ve been deliberate.

But, the choreography is what really messed with Tugger’s character. The host of the podcast mentioned Tugger’s pelvic thrusts and Hanes said that he wanted to do that sort of thing, but the new choreography removed all of it. He couldn’t make Tugger as horny or sexy as he wanted to. It was a key part of the character, but the choreography just wouldn’t let it happen. The result is that a bunch of queens fangirl over Tugger, but because Tugger’s defining trait in his number is being vain and obnoxious, the reason why he, of all toms, is considering the sexiest is completely lost. He’s just a dick to everyone (except Misto) and they love him anyway.

Other Tuggers do act like assholes during the number, but it’s not the focus. The lyrics are about Tugger being difficult, but the choreography, often to a comedic degree, isn’t about that. The message of Lynne’s choreography is that DESPITE Tugger being obnoxious, he’s a sex god and that’s what matters to his fans. Blankenbuehlers’s choreography mainly focuses on Tugger being obnoxious, which is a better match to the lyrics, but it makes the character less likable.

Also, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The two most sexualized numbers are Tugger’s and Macavity’s. Tugger’s number is about a man being sexy. Macavity’s number has two women being sexy. Blankenbuehler redid Tugger’s number, toning down the sexuality, but he left Macavity alone completely, so it’s as sexual as it always is. Male sexuality needs to be toned down, but female sexuality is fine. This is what happens when a woman is replaced with a straight dude. I doubt it was done on purpose, but there was definitely some subconscious bias going on there.

The way the casts talk about the two choreographers is also different. Both of them are treated as the experts on the show, more like how a director is normally treated. But, how well they filled that role varied. Lynne could explain what every single move meant. Those who worked with her knew exactly what they were doing. Nobody has ever described any of Blankenbuehler’s choreography with the same detail. In numbers in 2016 that Blankenbuehler left alone, even without Lynne present at all, everything was clearly explained. Skimble actors, since Skimble’s number wasn’t altered much, describe people who’d worked with Lynne talking them through the choreography. No one talked about Blankenbuehler’s work like that. Every move of Lynne’s Jellicle Ball apparently represented something. Blankenbuehler’s Jellicle Ball looks fine, but there isn’t that level of detail.

The rehearsals of the the choreography were paced differently as well. 2016 was apparently put together in something of a hurry. Most Cats rehearsals begin with several days of the cast studying cats and learning how to move like them. 2016 devoted only a few hours to this. Gillian Lynne reportedly visited a rehearsal and was upset the none of the dancers knew how to move like cats. Cats has unique choreography in a unique cat-like style, but the 2016 team had no time to practice it, so they often come across as a bit too human. They’re talented human dancers, but they’re not very cat-like. Blankenbuehler’s choreography is often in a different, more modern urban style, that doesn’t seem like it was done with cat-like movement in mind.

I don’t hate Blankenbuehler. In behind the scenes stuff, he seems like a nice guy that the team liked working with. But, I don’t think he really understood what his role was. He was a choreographer and he did choreography. This would’ve been fine, even great for any other show, but not Cats.

Most modern musical theatre is based on opera. Characters sing about their feelings and that tells the story. The added element of dance takes the feelings of the song and amplifies them. The actors are emoting with their entire bodies in a larger-than-life way that creates an emotional intensity that audiences can empathize with. The music makes the audience feel what the characters are feeling in a way nothing else really can. Music is kind of magical. You hear a certain melody with certain instruments, and suddenly you’re happy, or sad, or angry.

This, by the way, is why going for realism in musicals is a terrible idea. Musicals don’t exist in physical reality. They exist on an emotional level that realism takes away from.

Cats rarely works like opera. The lyrics are mainly just adaptations of whimsical poems, so they don’t tell you much of anything. Memory, which features original lyrics and no dancing is an exception to this rule. In general, because they’re not dance roles, Grizabella and Old Deuteronomy have to use music and song lyrics to play their parts in the story. Jemima also does this whenever she does something connected to either one of them.

But, Cats is normally more of a ballet than an opera. Ballet tells a story purely through dance. Because the lyrics in Cats matter so rarely, it ends up working like a ballet, because the dance, unrelated to the poems, means something. It’s still a heightened reality where music invokes emotions and actors emote with their whole bodies, like in other musicals, but instead of the dance being an amplifier, it’s the storyteller.

ALW really liked a bunch of poems and wanted to put them to music. The result was a bunch of songs with a similar them but no real connection to each other. That works as a concept album, but Webber wanted a musical, an actual show where people danced to his concept album. He didn’t care about the story and didn’t expect anyone else to.

But, other people cared about the story. No one knew how to make a musical that’s not about something. Trevor Nunn added Memory and the storyline with Grizabella as an emotional centerpiece. There wasn’t a clear plot, but, on an emotional level, it now felt like something was actually happening. Gillian Lynne had no idea how to choreograph a musical about nothing, so she didn’t. She came up with her own interpretations of things and made the show about something. Several somethings, in fact. Victoria is going through puberty and discovering her sexuality. Demeter is recovering from an abusive sexual experience, with Bomba having a different attitude towards being in the same situation. The women in the story were given detailed story arcs that often revolved around their sexuality.

How sexuality is portrayed in Cats could be its own essay.

Anyway, Cats tells its story with a unique style of choreography. Because the choreographer is the story teller, Lynne had a lot of influence over the show. She was the one who knew all the details. Blankenbuehler was brought in to choreograph a show, like a normal job for him, not knowing what that would actually mean. He came in to have dance amplify the emotions in the song lyrics like in any other musical, not knowing that that’s impossible to do with Cats. The role of choreographer meant a level of knowledge and control that would normally belong to the director, composer, and lyricist. He didn’t realize that the show having any story at all depended on him.

So, he did stuff that looked cool, but didn’t tell the story, or that took the story in a direction that it wasn’t supposed to go. Tugger dancing in front of a giant mirror is funny in the moment, but that sort of narcissism, though funny, isn’t likable, and Tugger needs to be likable. He’s a major character and he helps save the day at the end by hyping up Misto. But, 2016 Tugger hypes up Misto because if feels like Misto is the only cat he truly respects. He has the same respect for Old Deuteronomy that the others have, but he doesn’t sound quite as sincere when he sings about him. He spends so much of his number antagonizing Munkustrap in particular that it’s hard to believe that he has any respect for him.

What can be learned from these interviews is that Blankenbuehler didn’t know what his job truly was and was there because someone important thought Cats would be more popular in 2016 if it was more like Hamilton and got the Hamilton guy to give it a make-over. Nunn was so proud of the show’s success that he neglected what made it successful in the first place, and the 2016 cast was rushed through rehearsals without proper instructions. Everyone tried their best, but they were all stuck.

For the most part, I blame whoever decided to have Blankenbuehler rechoreograph the show. Blankenbuehler did what he thought his job was and the cast did their jobs to the best of their ability. What really ruined Cats 2016 was an executive decision to fix something that wasn’t broken, believing if they made the Old Big Show more like the New Big Show, that would make people love it again. But Hamilton is no more like Cats than a cat is like a dog.

#cats 2016 #lots of cats tours #really long post #andy blankenbuehler is bad at cats #but it's not his fault #a cat is not a hamilton #gillian lynne #don't let her legacy die with her

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puppy-phum · 3 years ago

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#10YearPromise - pingxie blabberings

bc i wasn’t able to answer these questions throughout the week (as i’ve been traveling around while being extremely busy), i decided to just collect all of my answers under one post! i never tire talking about pingxie so this was extremely enjoyable ♥ am also practicing some very shameless self promo in this so be prepared!

thank you for @laireshi for organizing this event (i take it’s you alone? am not sure, sorry for my laziness) and being amazing in general ^^ i won’t be able to join as i am still very busy and summer is always pure chaos for me, so i can only hope that other ppl have fun! if you are not aware of 10 Year Promise Pingxie Exchange, you can find the original announcement post here. join in if you have the time and inspiration ^^

and then to my answers which i will be placing under the cut bc i don’t want to flood anyone’s dash with me going bonkers over these two idiots. enjoy tho if you decide to read this :’D ♥

I. What made you ship pingxie?

Back when I got into Reboot bc of ZYL (as has happened to many ppl probably) and then saw stuff about pingxie once I started going through that drama’s tag on tumblr, my first thought about them was that they had to be a crack ship. The way Reboot portrays them as well as their actors and their huuuge age difference affected this a lot, and I was actually cackling at them bc all their moments in Reboot made me just go “oh, socialist brotherhood at its best” in my head. But then I finished watching Reboot’s 1st season (as the 2nd one wasn’t out yet) and started reading some fics. I learned more about them and the canon storyline. I learned how damn devoted they are to each other, and after that, many moments in Reboot gained new meaning in my eyes. So, I think what made me ship pingxie was a mix of Reboot (especially the hallucination moment where Xiaoge dies and Wu Xie loses it bc that’s my jam as I later on became to notice) and then the amazing fics I dug out during that time. After that the love grew stronger as I watched the other dramas, and these days I’m a lost cause. I feel like I spend most of my awake time thinking about these two and their love. They are amazing. I cry rivers for them.

II. Which pingxie version is your favorite?

After finding pingxie, I fell in love with them properly during TLT2. There is just something about that stage of their relationship for me, the stage where both of them are still very tentative about everything but they have deep down accepted that they’re tied now. Wu Xie is figuring out so many things, coming to terms with being betrayed by his uncle and slowly realizing that something bigger is going on behind the scenes. Meanwhile, Xiaoge is learning how to trust Wu Xie and how to accept that he cannot leave this naïve boy behind. It feels very fragile, and I have so many emotions about TLT2 bc of this. Xiaoge is so soft and feels very multilayered. Wu Xie is still his naïve self but is slowly gaining some sharper edges as he comes to face the cruel world. I like how Cheng Yi and Hou Minghao have portrayed this dynamic. Also, TLT2 is just very extra with all the pingxie scenes, who would be able to resist loving them? So, I have to admit that my favorite pingxie is these two, tho Ultimate Note comes very, very close.

III. What’s your favorite pingxie headcanon?

Headcanons are a bit hard for me as I don’t know enough of the canon. I have not read the novels so most of the story I’ve just patched together from all the bits I’ve read from somewhere (here, on twt, in fics) and through the scenes the dramas have shown me. I feel like the whole world is lowkey made of headcanons for me :’D But hmm, my favorite pingxie headcanon… I’d say there are two and then one bonus bc it’s more a Wu Xie related headcanon than just pingxie. The first one is that the pingxie confession happens after the Bronze Gate. It feels like the only moment when they’re both ready for such a thing. I’d say Xiaoge comes to realize his own feelings a lot earlier and he might tell something to unconscious Wu Xie before leaving for ten years, but he will not actually leave Wu Xie with such a burden. He doesn’t want to ask anything when it sounds like he doesn’t even believe that Wu Xie will be willing to wait for him, and I’d say that for him, his feelings are going to be fine even if Wu Xie never learns about them. He might even wish that Wu Xie never learns about them bc he’s not able to promise much as an immortal and amnesiac being (he outlives Wu Xie, most likely forgets him). For Wu Xie however, I’d say he needs time. He really is way too naïve and I’d say that he needs those ten years to realize that he’s in love with his best friend. I dunno who confesses first after Xiaoge returns but I think that only after that decade their relationship is “mature” enough to hold the weight of a confession (even if I also love to play around with the thought of them getting together during the events of Ultimate Note bc that drama offered many good chances for that). Another headcanon for me is that Xiaoge will find a way to die when Wu Xie does. After learning about them more, I feel like Reboot implies this too. Xiaoge is very accepting of Wu Xie’s death but in the last moments, when he really thinks that this is going to be it for Wu Xie, he hesitates. We see a spark of desperation there, and I’ve come to think that his initial plan, the plan he came up with once he got that call from Wu Xie and knew he would join Wu Xie on his last adventure, was to see this through for Wu Xie’s sake and then leave and die alone. I don’t know how much there would be left for Zhang Qiling after Wu Xie is gone. I feel like this is also what Wu Xie fears. But would he really resent Xiaoge for joining him in death after living such a long and hard life? I’d say no and I’d say that even Pangzi accepts this as one of the most likely outcomes. The bonus one then feels very personal to me. I don’t usually talk about this bc I feel so unsure of even mentioning this but I’ve seen others with similar thoughts so am sharing! I’ve never before gotten any vibes about a character’s sexuality in a drama I’ve watched but Reboot Wu Xie looked at me once in the eye and all I could hear was my brain yelling “asexual”. So, that is just my personal headcanon for Wu Xie. He’s ace and proud of it. He can flirt etc. but sex makes him go naah. He doesn’t need it or want it. He can appreciate beauty and hot ppl without wanting to sleep with them and I think his relationship with Xiaoge fits very well into this. I don’t have any personal experiences with being ace but I feel like Wu Xie has read the name once, shrugged and gone, “guess that’s me” and continued on with his life. He’s badass like that and I love him for it. (take a very relevant meme lol from this post)

IV. What’s the ideal pingxie date?

Ah, christ. I dunno if I’ve ever thought about them going on a date? In the middle of tomb raiding, hospital trips and fighting against powers bigger than themselves, I’ve rarely seen any time for them to do something like that lol. But after Ultimate Note, I’ve thought about star gazing a lot. Just them, the infinite night sky and some lonely hilltop. They would probably take a blanket with them, huddle together and talk about things in hushed voices. Wu Xie would go on a ramble about all the constellations and their meanings and mythology behind them and Xiaoge would just nod at him and watch Wu Xie talking. Maybe he would offer some tidbits in the middle of the rambling, making Wu Xie smile brightly. It would be relaxing and comfortable and loving. They would make out a lil bit. Would maybe lie down and play with each other’s hair. All their worries would feel insignificant. Wu Xie would fall asleep for a moment and Xiaoge would wake him up with a kiss to get him moving again so that they don’t need to sleep on the cold ground. They would return home and drink something warm and then go to sleep, cuddled together and happy. relevant edit x

V. What’s your favorite pingxie getting together scenario?

I guess I already talked about this a bit but let me elaborate then! As said, I’d see it happening after the Bronze Gate. I am not sure if it would be right away (they’re both going through so much trauma at that point) or if it would happen after Reboot (maybe we would still need Wu Xie almost dying for them to get their shit together), but I’d say it happens in a rush either way. It’s one of those “I have to tell you something before it’s too late” -type of moments. Or one of those “Bc I love you, you idiot!” -type of moments. I feel like I keep thinking that maybe Wu Xie would have to confess first bc as said, Xiaoge wouldn’t like to burden Wu Xie with his feelings when there’s so little he can give in the sense of normalcy. But then again, I have written a oneshot where Xiaoge is the first one to confess and that always feels better for me. That at some point Xiaoge feels secure enough to tell Wu Xie about his own feelings. That he feels confident and comfortable enough to say it out loud while still expecting nothing in return bc he knows that Wu Xie won’t abandon him either way. But no matter how that happens, I always see it as this dam breaking. The emotions finally become too strong. Something happens that reminds them that life is too short. Something happens that makes them finally talk it out and ah, Pangzi can finally take a break, what a joy

VI. What’s your favorite pingxie moment?

Every adaptation has its own good moments so let me make a list (like I saw someone else do too):

The Lost Tomb:

Xiaoge rescues Wu Xie from the shibie

Wu Xie worrying over unconscious Xiaoge plus taking care of him in the hotel room

The Pingxie MomentTM aka Xiaoge saving Wu Xie from falling and then cradling the boy to his chest while thumb rubbing his shoulder

The Lost Tomb 2:

Xiaoge revealed to be Baldie and Wu Xie yelling at him about it

Lowkey the whole underwater tomb arc bc holy shit that’s gay

Wu Xie losing it when Xiaoge doesn’t come up from the underwater tomb, diving after him and then almost dying himself + Pangzi getting angry at him for being stupid

pingxie ft. magical skype in the bronze tree cave (and Xiaoge being emo about the 1000yo warrior guy right before that)

Xiaoge rescuing Wu Xie from drowning (they shared air, you cannot convince me otherwise) + Wu Xie giving Xiaoge his watch in the hospital (relevant edits x x)

Wu Xie’s face when he sees Zhang Buxun in the coffin bc I love pain :)

Xiaoge not shooting Wu Xie despite not remembering him in the mountain village

Wu Xie grabbing Xiaoge’s jacket after being kidnapped and the Iron Triangle reunites in that old Chen guy’s cabin, asking, “Is that you?” from Xiaoge to make sure that he remembers again while looking like the biggest puppy (relevant edit x)

also some relevant memes x

Ultimate Note:

The hand over mouth reunion in the Golmud Sanatorium

“Xiaoge will ignore anyone else but you”

Xiaoge pretending he isn’t Losing ItTM throughout the whole time Wu Xie is in the Devil’s City with A-Ning

more hand over mouth with the gigantic snake

“The goddess has ascended”

Wu Xie protecting Xiaoge after he returns from the jade meteorite

“Do you remember me?” “Wu Xie.”

Wu Xie promising to help Xiaoge find his memories no matter what bc Xiaoge’s business is Wu Xie’s business

“Maybe you can return home with a wife today.” Wu Xie: proceeds to stare at Xiaoge, horrified

“Take me home.”

The sword gifting scene (especially Xiaoge denying the possibility of him killing Wu Xie or them harming each other, relevant edits x x)

other relevant edits for ultimate note x x

Reboot:

Wu Xie telling Xiaoge about his sickness and then Xiaoge coming back and promising to join Wu Xie on his trip (relevant edit x)

the death hallucination bc am a masochist

Wu Xie’s death dream where Xiaoge calls to him but then accepts his choice to move forward bc am a masochist pt. 2

pingxie reunion in the Thunder City forest where Xiaoge saves Wu Xie & co. from the poisonous gas

the moment in Thunder City where Wu Xie sits outside at night, eating the peanuts Pangzi gave him and then notices Xiaoge, offering him the peanuts and smiling

when Xiaoge leaves for the last time and then gets reunited with healed Wu Xie against all odds

the train scene and their softest smiles to each other

Time Raiders:

Wu Xie being the best bean and just wanting to befriend this mysterious man while seeing right under his skin and making Xiaoge baffled and fall in love in approximately 0.5 seconds

Xiaoge, catch! *proceeds to save only Wu Xie when they fall into that shibie horror chamber*

Xiaoge’s desperation to save Wu Xie from the crumbling ground

their death waltz at the end of the movie plus Xiaoge’s sacrifice

+ Sand Sea:

“Don’t you dare call him Xiaoge!”

Wu Xie offering his friends and then himself as comfort to Li Cu when he’s scared while smiling very softly at the memory of Xiaoge

“But isn’t his surname Wu?” Hei Xiazi: You have seen nothing yet, you sweet summer child

Wu Xie talking about Xiaoge’s past in the temple (aka the Tibetan Sea Flower story bc I just adore how pretty they’ve made those scenes)

VII. What is the best gift Wu Xie and Xiaoge could give each other?

I haven’t really thought about this type of stuff either bc we have already seen a ton of gifts being exchanged! I love the watch Wu Xie gives to Xiaoge in TLT2 as mentioned (it’s so silly but also so sweet) and I love it that Wu Xie gifts Xiaoge with a new sword in Ultimate Note. Also, I feel like I can count the food Wu Xie leaves for Xiaoge in Ultimate Note and that one moment where Xiaoge offers his knife for Wu Xie as a “pen”. They would give anything for each other as long as the other asked (which they never do) so I dunno what type of gift would matter the most. As it’s so hard to say, let me talk about one more headcanon that I’ve been thinking about ever since the infamous Bazaar photoshoot for Ultimate Note/XYL & ZSX. So, we see them having matching rings and necklaces in that photoshoot. I think jewelry would be kind of difficult for Xiaoge to wear when he needs to fight, as jewelry could be a hindrance in that type of situation But my brain won’t shut up about “pingxie married!!!” when I ask this question from it. To be honest, I do not see pingxie getting married in the traditional sense. They don’t need something like that after everything they’ve gone through. But I like to play around with the thought of promise rings. Just them exchanging rings for fun, for their own sakes, to have something concrete that reminds them of their promise to each other and of their feelings. Maybe even Xiaoge could wear that ring under his gloves idk. But am a sucker for that thought so my answer to this is then simply: a ring. relevant edits x x

if you read this far, thank you so much! I hope this gave you something and thank you once more for organizing this and allowing everyone to share their love for pingxie ^^ ♥

#10yearpromise #pingxie #dmbj #yes i ramble without any purpose #yes i love them a normal amount :)#thank you for organizing this!!#and sorry for coming at you like this #i hope you don't mind #am wishing you luck with the event!!#and hoping everyone has fun #i hope everything in this post #works like it's supposed to #bc oh boy did i struggle

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