#lately I've been trying irl
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imma be real your social anxiety will probably not go away but it will get easier 2 manage
#like#whenever I send someone a message or attempt 2 talk 2 them irl (no matter how long I've known them)#immediately after I'm like ''wow that was so stupid I really have nothing interesting to say why do I talk at all''#but I mean. at least I did it.#and I just keep doing it despite my brain telling me I'm the worst most boring person alive#it gets better#you will learn to cope even if it takes time#spacie spoinks#someone out there will find worth and enjoyment in you and your company#I promise#lately I've been trying irl#which is harder cuz I feel like everypony hates me djdjdjdhdndndjdjjsjd#but even if they do hate me at least I'm getting experience talking to people#at least I can navigate easier
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Chcuk McGill.... save me
#better call saul#bcs#chuck mcgill#fanart#art#never doing this again.#i swear it looks better irl#i haven't been drawing a lot lately because i don't have time and also i've been busy trying to stay alive hihi#honestly wondering if i'll ever be able to function in society lolzsjh can't even say hi back to people because it makes me feel weird.#i feel most comfortable just staring silently. and then i'll complain about feeling lonely ughggd what's wrong with me#if complaining in tumblr tags was an occupation i would be rich....
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The fact that you only started drawing recently blows my mind, because you are beyond skilled!!
You can write, you can draw - can ya leave some skills for the rest of us?!
I consider you my friend and want to say this but I don't have the guts to say it off anon SORRY:
I AM PROUD OF YOU AND THE HARD WORK YOUVE DONE TO GET SO GOOD
ASKFFHJKF GAWD *ragdolls out with emotions* PRECIOUS.
This is what 10 years of Solas does to a frog previously marinating in a bog 😂
You're much too kind skjfhfjk I'm TRYING, which is a very strange feeling to have when I don't know where I'm going art-wise! I'm so overwhelmed with people being nice to me lately, and even more so that I have people that are proud of me?? My keyboard has a tear droplet on it now thx ok I'm going to stop before I say anything else ridiculous. thank you 💜💜💜
#mogwaei.txts#no one but my partner cares about my art IRL#fucking sobbing at the idea of people I've never met caring and watching me on my art journey#you all mean so much to me 'thank you' never captures the overwhelming love i feel for people like you anon 💜#emo on main lol#there's a lot i wish i could talk about or explain but i've been shamed by family members for Feeling so idk how to act anymore :D#plus i'd rather try very hard to be positive online. I'm sorry for sadposting here lately ig life sorta got to me#anon friend 👀
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guess what ! doodles . again
edgar , nny and devi belong to johnen vasquez (even if i only drew nny and devi at the bottom)
scriabin by zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#vargas zarla#edgar vargas#scriabin vargas#zarla s#doodles#scriabin#okee dokee ! time to ramble about my life . you can skip the rest of this if you don't want to read .#started these one day before my first day of school and i just finished them today WOAH#i haven't had time to draw for one reason or another#i've had only two weeks of school and i'm already sick of it#my teachers are okay .#i've been interacting with my friends a lot more lately and i realized that that makes me feel really happy !#overall . everything's been fine these days.#i pretty much gave up on trying to find people with my interests#los fans irl de jthm son puro invento de los papás#what else hmm#i struggled so much with some of these#my art style is still inconsistent af#trying to fix that ...#also halfway through this i realized that everything i was drawing was SO BORINg#i keep drawing the same stuff over and over again#whatever i want to draw some crossovers next#i have some things on mind :3 i'm exciteeeed#hopefully i'm able to draw them tomorrow .#DAMN it's already 3am good night
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the statements of "I leave long analytical comments on fics because i want to, but it takes energy and I don't expect people who read my fics to feel obligated to do the same" and "that being said, it's disappointing to put so much of my time and energy into thorough comments and then have it returned with a single vague comment, keysmash, or emoji when it comes to commenting on my fics" can and do coexist
#it doesn't mean i'm expecting people to burn themselves out trying to comment on my fics#and it doesn't mean i'm going to stop leaving those big analytical comments when i read other people's fics#but like... even just pointing out one specific line or moment you liked makes a world of difference and doesn't take that long to do#i think that's part of why i've been so burnt out lately honestly#in both my irl and my online presence i've been putting so much energy into positivity and engagement with the people around me#and then when i expect it to be returned i'm only getting a fraction of that energy back#but bc everyone in my life knows me as this intensely positive and energetic person who needs to solve every problem in their path#i feel disingenuous for pulling back even if i'm overexerting the energy I have to spare. i'm everyone's support and then i lack my own
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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Just thinking again about this gorgeous art Bast made for me of our Kohga, and how he's a loud, brash kinda fella but then also has these quiet moments.
Fun facts/headcanons though! Our best guy's been playing shamisen since he was about five, his mama taught him, aaaaand he can actually play two of them at once using his self-duplication trick! It's pretty cool, he can keep track of all four hands at once and do neat stuff weaving more than one melody around each other and then making phrases sound real emphatic by doing them on both instruments simultaneously.
Kohga often plays at Clan matsuri and parties and it's always a huge hit with the whole banana crew. <3
#kidk says stuff#yiga clan#master kohga#kohga can play six strings just it’s two sets of three not one six-string guitar lol#i do this thing sometimes when i have ocs/blorbos who are musicians where i try to find an irl musician who sounds like them#like a voice claim but for an instrument#and i've been listening to tons of shamisen lately and so of course came across the yoshida brothers#anyway their more traditional music sounds like when kohga plays as two of him heh#((ps of course my kohga is a musician. so many of my dudes are even if they aren't shown to be in canon lol. it's so predictable for me.))#kidk headcanons
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I love Time and Time Again!! It was genuinely interesting to see two characters talk things out. Of course they kept secrets, but they knew when to reveal them and that made me want to stick around and read it. Thankyou for making such a wonderful comic!!
Thank you so much!!!
This really means a lot to me <3
I think there's generally a tendency to believe that relationships can't be nice in a romance or the story will be boring.
I understand where this idea comes from, stories should have conflict! And, real world relationships have conflict, as well. They always will! It makes sense that most stories centered around relationships would, inevitably, at some point, have disagreements, fights, anger...
I get why others enjoy it, its messy it's fun it's drama! but for me personally it just stresses me out since I've done so much work to NOT be like that!
As a writer, when presented with two people who are reasonably at odds with eachother, where neither of them is in the wrong per se, but someone still ends up hurt... it's a fun challenge to write them working through it in a believable way. it's a fun challenge, too, to put them into situations that feel equal and human.
I just think it's a necessary thing for who I am as a person to write relationships the way I do, and so I'm just very very very glad that other people resonate with it as well!
It means a lot. Thank you.
#me trying not to ramble on for paragraphs impossible challenge#asks#anon#I always love to talk about how uhhh#the perceptions we have of how relationships should be displayed#idk I dont think that theres any one way to do it#those relationships where people dont communicate and they fight all the time...#those happen. they happen all the time irl.#of course they would be reflected in fiction constantly!#but just for me personally#after YEARS and years and years of working on myself so I dont do that#I pause. think the best of my partner before jumping to conclusions.#take the moment to ask him hey#has anything been bothering you lately? things have been good but I want to be sure there's not little things I've done to hurt you#and i listen when hes telling me that yes. it did bother him when I made that joke the other day actually#and to learn to be patient#and not cry immediately#and listen#and ask instead of assuming#and always think the best thoughts first or whatever#its done me a world of good#and I dont think it is healthy for me personally as a person to write an unhealthy relationship with poor communication#because I get uhm... extremely invested in my writing...#in the way that it very much helps me learn about myself and practice habits.#cause obviously I still fail. of course I will#and I just would like to get as much practice as I can#of being better#for me and for him#and for all my friends
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*taps mic; a certain gentleman is standing right beside him*
"Good evenin', everyone!! We're back!! Hope you didn't miss us much!"
"It sure hasn't been that long.... has it....?"
Uhhmmm....
#[shows up late with no st*rb*cks bc fuck those guys but HIIIII 8) ]#[*insert 'haven't been here since last year joke*]#[no but fr AAAAA i'm so sorry abt the silence!! as usual depression got my ass around mid-december due to Some Stuff irl]#[from there it's been all downs and just a few ups so i've been taking it slow and trying not to let it all get to me (much)]#[anyways hi hi hi. how have y'all been doing???]#[super late but i hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season!!]#[also sending you all the best of wishes for the new year!!!]#[i might not be able to post thread replies tonight but i'll be around for a bit working on some of them]#[i think i also had some pending asks last time??? so i might try to start from there]#[dumb brain is still all BLERGH but feel free to send in stuff if you wish!]#[prompted. unprompted. random. etc. all is good]#[hope you're all having a wonderful day/night/etc!!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(????
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I'm really sorry for this but I could really use some cheering up tonight
#hella heavy venting incoming so i'm trying to hide it in the tags#so here's another otherwise useless tag that will hopefully bury it#anyway#suicide tw#i've been suicidal for a damn decade at this point#and it's gotten worse lately#way worse#and i'm struggling a lot#and the post by inkskinned i rbd earlier today hit me so hard and i wasn't expecting it#and it's hard to talk about this stuff to people you know irl#so i'm bottling it up and i feel like i'm going to explode#being alive hurts rn#so much#and i don't know how to handle it#and i just need a damn hug#marti vents#delete later#suicide cw#suicidal thoughts tw#i'm sorry if it's not tagged properly tumblr doesn't suggest any popular tags for this topic
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I'll be happy if I can sleep at least
#brain is so damn loud ughfhfh#I'm overthinking everything#I have a doctor's appointment in 2 days and I'm praying he re-prescribes my sleep aid......#I don't feel ready to come off it yet even though I have been taking less than before#my brain is still so overactive at night#I have found some things that help me but other times I just get overwhelmed#I'm sorry I just don't want to be awake and anxious all night when there's so much on my mind#my clothes aren't coming until after Saturday and I'm gonna try to go out on Saturday morning#and all my current clothes look bad on me#I've been trying to keep cleaning and it's overwhelming :')#everything just feels impossible you know?#like I'm sick of trying to get help from people irl and no one actually wanting to help#doctors treat me like a freak#therapists tell me not to come back#I don't have much of a support system and I'm realizing now that my friend is a shitty person#I just tolerated her for longer than I needed to but it's become so obvious lately what kind of person she is#I don't feel good about my looks and I feel like I've forgotten how to socialize#I'm just nervous all the time#sleepy meds are kicking in now though
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✨️Magenta✨️
#I've been really sad lately#its logical I've had a lot happen and a lot going on#and I've been mostly bedridden the past week cause of fibro flares#my brain can see the logic of why my body feels burnt out and why i feel anxious#but i also have this profound sense of loneliness that's been weighing on my chest#I feel the need to isolate and get away from people because it feels like it doesn't matter how much i try to blend in someone#will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized#out of participating with folks or doing activities#and i get so overwhelmed by people and their literal energy/vibes that it feels as though I'm caught in a sneaker wave and being pulled#from shore and this is compounded on top of that feeling of being surrounded by people like tons of them who may even enjoy your company#but still feel very much isolated and alone the whole time#it could be winter triggering trauma responses in me due to childhood abuse related to the holidays#and then there's me trying to brainstorm how i can make money with my creativity when i have little to no help with anyone#and no one will give me a chance to bounce ideas and get a third persons opinion#its felt like this since i can remember: people value that i listen and reflect all the while show compassion#and then when i really need it myself and attempt to reach out i get the door shut in my face#it feels like the only people that have truly listened to me are therapists lmao and it hurts cause its like i gotta pay someone#just to listen to me go off on this idea i have for a side hustle a creative pursuit something i love#and i can't really share that with anyone irl because I'm supposed to be everyones therapist#and its shitty i dont get paid for it if thats the case lol#i feel like tumblr is the only spot I really have where i can share a lot of myself and make things that make others and myself happy#i don't know what id do without it#magenta is my safe word for venting#thanks for coming to my tedtalk as i write into the void#getting shit off my chest at 4am#i aint gettin no sleep cause of yall yall not gon get no sleep cause of meeee
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every political post i see on here is just so draining everyone is so hateful to each other even if they agree its like i dont think this is helping improve the world
#i mean i don't have to get into it#i have my own beliefs#i need to get involved locally irl in volunteer work#i've just been having a tough time lately so i haven't been able to do any research into it and find areas to volunteer#no one seems willing to listen to each other or to think about things form someone else's point of view#and i get it bc all these issues are so important#it feels wrong to accept anything other than absolute agreement#but i mean if you're trying to make the world better you're gonna have to compromise you're gonna have to meet ppl where they are at#and you're gonna have to work with people who do not share your beliefs#idk there's this very strange culture around morality online and it gets exhausting
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mistakes were made. should not have gone to library today. i will be leaving the house all five days of the week now (plus we went to a waterside on sunday for several hours) and uhm... i feel like i need to go hibernate for several weeks to feel even remotely okay again fhdkdl i am so tired i can barely think enough to string words together in any comprehendable way 🧍<- upset
#oohoohoo the self destructive ''well maybe I'll just push myself bc im going to be tired either way'' sure was a bad choice!#''lol who cares anymore im sick of being fatigued and im probably just making it up'' you are a fucking idiot god bless your soul#and yet.... the urge to Make It Worse is still so strong.... gee i sure do love p.mdd!#honest to god im so fucking frustrated w this brain lately#been trying to hide any sharps away from myself because I've just been so wildly careening into self destructive tendencies#and im sick of trying to like. control myself. i am my own keeper and im fucking sick of it gjfkdl#im trying so fucking hard to hold it together and keep myself on the right path but im really just incredibly tired#it feels like im trying to wrestle a knife out of a toddler's hand#and then the toddler cries and tantrums bc they wanted the knife#and i have nothing to give them to distract them. except im also the toddler.#idk how long i can keep this up for bc im ALSO managing other ppls emotions and baggage and shit at the centre#and over text. mainly that one person who i wish would just fucking leave me alone#but her grandma is literally on her deathbed so I can't rly try learning how to be firm rn#bc if i try to be firm i worry i will end up being a dick and i dont want to do that while she's struggling w pre-emptive grief#i don't know !!! im just so goddamn exhausted and struggling#and the world seems very cruel and terrifying and im honestly convinced im never going to find a way to exist peacefully in it#like im always going to be scared and struggle to trust ppl and struggle to socialize and feel safe anywhere#im going to be so honest. i wish i had One friend irl fhfkdl like. i think that would help a lot of my issues#to have someone i care about and respect and who actually cares about AND respects me back#and who i could just. be around. exist in the same vicinity. and not feel so scared and unsafe#a bit of a break from those constant feelings while not being isolated#who i could do activities with ???#thats actually so hard for me to imagine ever having ffhdjlsl its been so many years since I've had any semblance of that#it doesn't feel like im ever going to have that again :') it feels so impossible. pipe dream. unrealistic and unattainable#okay i need to shut up fhdksl sorry for being so insane on here every day jfc#one of these days i hope i will be genuinely stable for like... longer than a day fhfkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#self harm mention
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How did you learn to draw?
I wanted the way I drew eyes to look like the Fun2draw artstyle so bad when I was 8 haha
#But if you want a genuine answer: frequent drawing and copying aspects from my favorite artists' work until I ended up with my style today!#I would often look at irl poses and try and draw them with my characters#I've also been using gesture drawings sites like Line of Action lately and that has helped a ton :D#my art#anthro art
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I just wanted you to know you're very wholesome and I admire that, because it's something hard to keep as you grow older. You're like Polites on cotton candy 🍭
Oh, thank you! 🥹 That's incredibly sweet!
I always try my best to look on the bright (yet still understanding) side of things as there always is one! :D There's good in everything! Even in darker aspects of a story/myth!
There's a lot of humanity and kindness in places you wouldn't expect and it honestly feels silly to act like such things aren't possible! :D
#Sorry this is a little late! I've gotten a few asks recently and I'm trying to space them out!!! :D#honestly. I love finding and creating little quirks and characteristics of characters and noticing them irl too#I just don't really see the point in bitterness about stuff. I know I can get fired up and angry myself but to only have bitterness is...#not gonna help in the long run.#There's only so much unwholesomeness in the world before you just get tired you know? :'D#I mean... unlike Epic Polites I DEFINITELY have “mean” moments. I'm not perfect but I always try and see good.#Honestly I relate to Odysseus a lot (technically Penelope too) but with the whole “so much love and hate inside one person”#as I have a lot of love (✿ ♡‿♡) ...but there's a lot of R A G E too (ʘᴗʘ✿)#also trauma O_O I am healing through this idiot.#I mean the reason why I love the Odyssey so much is that to me. It's saying no matter what you've done or what you've been through#you CAN know peace. the “Joy like a sailor” part really cements that to me.#The “sailor” is still covered in brine and he's cold but he can BREATHE again. It's a step in the right direction.#ask#simugeuge#🩵#Mad rambles
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