#lately I've been trying irl
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imma be real your social anxiety will probably not go away but it will get easier 2 manage
#like#whenever I send someone a message or attempt 2 talk 2 them irl (no matter how long I've known them)#immediately after I'm like ''wow that was so stupid I really have nothing interesting to say why do I talk at all''#but I mean. at least I did it.#and I just keep doing it despite my brain telling me I'm the worst most boring person alive#it gets better#you will learn to cope even if it takes time#spacie spoinks#someone out there will find worth and enjoyment in you and your company#I promise#lately I've been trying irl#which is harder cuz I feel like everypony hates me djdjdjdhdndndjdjjsjd#but even if they do hate me at least I'm getting experience talking to people#at least I can navigate easier
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Chcuk McGill.... save me
#better call saul#bcs#chuck mcgill#fanart#art#never doing this again.#i swear it looks better irl#i haven't been drawing a lot lately because i don't have time and also i've been busy trying to stay alive hihi#honestly wondering if i'll ever be able to function in society lolzsjh can't even say hi back to people because it makes me feel weird.#i feel most comfortable just staring silently. and then i'll complain about feeling lonely ughggd what's wrong with me#if complaining in tumblr tags was an occupation i would be rich....
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I kind of feel like my focus on achievement hunting has made me think less about my self ships ... but also I am still talking about them all the time on Discord and elsewhere, so maybe it's just here that I don't feel like talking much ;;
#I feel like I keep saying it but I'm trying to sort some stuff out#and I'm also learning that I don't need to post non-stop either--I made that much clear in my updated carrd#but rest assured--I will carry out my plans for the 14th ~#I wanted to try and write something for myself too but ... video games are my main focus#been really grinding out Phasmophobia now that I'm playing with my irls more#oh--I forgot to say I reached out to the art club again and reconnected with them#my irl who got me into ProjMoon said he thinks of me whenever Heathcliff gets something new :3#and my other friend saw Plushcliff for the first time and thinks he's very cute#I've just been doing stuff with friends a bit more lately ... it's nice#I did also spend 9 hours on Ace Attorney last night ... so close to finishing the first trilogy#then I get to play AA: Investigations which I'm really excited about#so rest assured that I'm okay!!#I've been thinking about my AU with the new Heathcliff ID too ... changing some stuff for Sherry's ID lately#there's a lot I need to iron out but the AU makes me really happy#scattered pages
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The fact that you only started drawing recently blows my mind, because you are beyond skilled!!
You can write, you can draw - can ya leave some skills for the rest of us?!
I consider you my friend and want to say this but I don't have the guts to say it off anon SORRY:
I AM PROUD OF YOU AND THE HARD WORK YOUVE DONE TO GET SO GOOD
ASKFFHJKF GAWD *ragdolls out with emotions* PRECIOUS.
This is what 10 years of Solas does to a frog previously marinating in a bog 😂
You're much too kind skjfhfjk I'm TRYING, which is a very strange feeling to have when I don't know where I'm going art-wise! I'm so overwhelmed with people being nice to me lately, and even more so that I have people that are proud of me?? My keyboard has a tear droplet on it now thx ok I'm going to stop before I say anything else ridiculous. thank you 💜💜💜
#mogwaei.txts#no one but my partner cares about my art IRL#fucking sobbing at the idea of people I've never met caring and watching me on my art journey#you all mean so much to me 'thank you' never captures the overwhelming love i feel for people like you anon 💜#emo on main lol#there's a lot i wish i could talk about or explain but i've been shamed by family members for Feeling so idk how to act anymore :D#plus i'd rather try very hard to be positive online. I'm sorry for sadposting here lately ig life sorta got to me#anon friend 👀
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guess what ! doodles . again
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edgar , nny and devi belong to johnen vasquez (even if i only drew nny and devi at the bottom)
scriabin by zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#vargas zarla#edgar vargas#scriabin vargas#zarla s#doodles#scriabin#okee dokee ! time to ramble about my life . you can skip the rest of this if you don't want to read .#started these one day before my first day of school and i just finished them today WOAH#i haven't had time to draw for one reason or another#i've had only two weeks of school and i'm already sick of it#my teachers are okay .#i've been interacting with my friends a lot more lately and i realized that that makes me feel really happy !#overall . everything's been fine these days.#i pretty much gave up on trying to find people with my interests#los fans irl de jthm son puro invento de los papás#what else hmm#i struggled so much with some of these#my art style is still inconsistent af#trying to fix that ...#also halfway through this i realized that everything i was drawing was SO BORINg#i keep drawing the same stuff over and over again#whatever i want to draw some crossovers next#i have some things on mind :3 i'm exciteeeed#hopefully i'm able to draw them tomorrow .#DAMN it's already 3am good night
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the statements of "I leave long analytical comments on fics because i want to, but it takes energy and I don't expect people who read my fics to feel obligated to do the same" and "that being said, it's disappointing to put so much of my time and energy into thorough comments and then have it returned with a single vague comment, keysmash, or emoji when it comes to commenting on my fics" can and do coexist
#it doesn't mean i'm expecting people to burn themselves out trying to comment on my fics#and it doesn't mean i'm going to stop leaving those big analytical comments when i read other people's fics#but like... even just pointing out one specific line or moment you liked makes a world of difference and doesn't take that long to do#i think that's part of why i've been so burnt out lately honestly#in both my irl and my online presence i've been putting so much energy into positivity and engagement with the people around me#and then when i expect it to be returned i'm only getting a fraction of that energy back#but bc everyone in my life knows me as this intensely positive and energetic person who needs to solve every problem in their path#i feel disingenuous for pulling back even if i'm overexerting the energy I have to spare. i'm everyone's support and then i lack my own
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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NEEDLESS RAMBLING AHEAD:
i told my brother abt GGG just kind of off-handedly and he said he's going to try playing it - this is the first time he's ever shown an interest in anything I've ever talked about 🧍but ouuughhh i hope he likes it .... i genuinely have no idea if he will ....
also i told my dad about the game (ended up going into a ton of detail abt it LOL, we were on a 15-30 min drive and i recently found out he actually genuinely enjoys listening to me talk about my interests,,,,,, sniffles happily 🫶) and told him abt all the stuff i love about it, and he was actually super amazed at how clever and well-put together the story and everything is and I'm just like !!! YES !! YES IT'S SO GOOD !!! IT'S SO SMART AND AWESOME AND CREATIVE AND THOUGHT-PROVOKING !!!! I'M GLAD I'M NOT CRAZY AND ALONE AND THAT SOMEONE ELSE AGREES FHFKDL (... i say, as one of my favourite artists and storytellers ever has been creating full fancomics for it LMAO. i just get scared and unsure of myself, and also forget online is real sometimes bc real life is so much Bigger than online lately)
anyways,, i am marveling tonight at MY INFLUENCE.... GGG FEVER WILL SWEEP ACROSS DA GLOBE !!!
#i shan't tell anyone to play it bc idk if other ppl will like it#i dont even pitch it to ppl irl djdksl i have just. been yapping abt it. bc it is all I've been thinking about 😭#and i haven't actually even talked very much abt it irl tbh LOL#not many opportunities and also I've been trying to be quieter again bc i keep stumbling over my speech lately#so i just. think it is better for me to be quiet rather than waste ppls time w my failed attempts at communicating fjdkdl#i don't have anything Important to say anyways fjdksl so it's probably for the best if i just hush up for a while shdkdl#ANYWAYS. speaking of being quiet. i am going to end post here before i ramble further LOL#i have art i want to do anyways FAREWELL. I just wanted to share this bc i think it's funny that im somehow getting ppl interested in GGG#my power .... my influence .... LMAO#dandy.cmd
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OOC: I think I'm mostly on top of things but I intend to sneak my laptop into the work space at some point today if it isn't too busy.
#just the assistant (ooc post)#on the tablet#(on one hand I've been regaining that spark thanks to a nice group of people :D )#(on the other hand I've been trying to help a friend or two outside the fandom with irl stuff)#(so it's been a bit of a mental seesaw lately)#(tbd)
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*taps mic; a certain gentleman is standing right beside him*
"Good evenin', everyone!! We're back!! Hope you didn't miss us much!"
"It sure hasn't been that long.... has it....?"
Uhhmmm....
#[shows up late with no st*rb*cks bc fuck those guys but HIIIII 8) ]#[*insert 'haven't been here since last year joke*]#[no but fr AAAAA i'm so sorry abt the silence!! as usual depression got my ass around mid-december due to Some Stuff irl]#[from there it's been all downs and just a few ups so i've been taking it slow and trying not to let it all get to me (much)]#[anyways hi hi hi. how have y'all been doing???]#[super late but i hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season!!]#[also sending you all the best of wishes for the new year!!!]#[i might not be able to post thread replies tonight but i'll be around for a bit working on some of them]#[i think i also had some pending asks last time??? so i might try to start from there]#[dumb brain is still all BLERGH but feel free to send in stuff if you wish!]#[prompted. unprompted. random. etc. all is good]#[hope you're all having a wonderful day/night/etc!!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(????
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I'll be happy if I can sleep at least
#brain is so damn loud ughfhfh#I'm overthinking everything#I have a doctor's appointment in 2 days and I'm praying he re-prescribes my sleep aid......#I don't feel ready to come off it yet even though I have been taking less than before#my brain is still so overactive at night#I have found some things that help me but other times I just get overwhelmed#I'm sorry I just don't want to be awake and anxious all night when there's so much on my mind#my clothes aren't coming until after Saturday and I'm gonna try to go out on Saturday morning#and all my current clothes look bad on me#I've been trying to keep cleaning and it's overwhelming :')#everything just feels impossible you know?#like I'm sick of trying to get help from people irl and no one actually wanting to help#doctors treat me like a freak#therapists tell me not to come back#I don't have much of a support system and I'm realizing now that my friend is a shitty person#I just tolerated her for longer than I needed to but it's become so obvious lately what kind of person she is#I don't feel good about my looks and I feel like I've forgotten how to socialize#I'm just nervous all the time#sleepy meds are kicking in now though
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every political post i see on here is just so draining everyone is so hateful to each other even if they agree its like i dont think this is helping improve the world
#i mean i don't have to get into it#i have my own beliefs#i need to get involved locally irl in volunteer work#i've just been having a tough time lately so i haven't been able to do any research into it and find areas to volunteer#no one seems willing to listen to each other or to think about things form someone else's point of view#and i get it bc all these issues are so important#it feels wrong to accept anything other than absolute agreement#but i mean if you're trying to make the world better you're gonna have to compromise you're gonna have to meet ppl where they are at#and you're gonna have to work with people who do not share your beliefs#idk there's this very strange culture around morality online and it gets exhausting
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How did you learn to draw?
I wanted the way I drew eyes to look like the Fun2draw artstyle so bad when I was 8 haha
#But if you want a genuine answer: frequent drawing and copying aspects from my favorite artists' work until I ended up with my style today!#I would often look at irl poses and try and draw them with my characters#I've also been using gesture drawings sites like Line of Action lately and that has helped a ton :D#my art#anthro art
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I just wanted you to know you're very wholesome and I admire that, because it's something hard to keep as you grow older. You're like Polites on cotton candy 🍭
Oh, thank you! 🥹 That's incredibly sweet!
I always try my best to look on the bright (yet still understanding) side of things as there always is one! :D There's good in everything! Even in darker aspects of a story/myth!
There's a lot of humanity and kindness in places you wouldn't expect and it honestly feels silly to act like such things aren't possible! :D
#Sorry this is a little late! I've gotten a few asks recently and I'm trying to space them out!!! :D#honestly. I love finding and creating little quirks and characteristics of characters and noticing them irl too#I just don't really see the point in bitterness about stuff. I know I can get fired up and angry myself but to only have bitterness is...#not gonna help in the long run.#There's only so much unwholesomeness in the world before you just get tired you know? :'D#I mean... unlike Epic Polites I DEFINITELY have “mean” moments. I'm not perfect but I always try and see good.#Honestly I relate to Odysseus a lot (technically Penelope too) but with the whole “so much love and hate inside one person”#as I have a lot of love (✿ ♡‿♡) ...but there's a lot of R A G E too (ʘᴗʘ✿)#also trauma O_O I am healing through this idiot.#I mean the reason why I love the Odyssey so much is that to me. It's saying no matter what you've done or what you've been through#you CAN know peace. the “Joy like a sailor” part really cements that to me.#The “sailor” is still covered in brine and he's cold but he can BREATHE again. It's a step in the right direction.#ask#simugeuge#🩵#Mad rambles
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my friend recommended me a manga, and I was getting a little annoyed because the only scanlation I could find was kinda low quality and hard to read (and really hard to appreciate the good art), but I looked it up and it was only 11 usd to buy physical copies of the official tl of the first two volumes✌️
#abebooks my best friend my savior#what would I do without that website truly#I've found so much good bargain manga on there#thats $11 including all the tax and shipping charges :)#my irl friend's got me reading clover by clamp lol#it's very atmospheric and I want to keep reading it in a format where I can appreciate the art and vibes better#the friend's been really into it lately. and I think I might've convinced him to try reading vanitas#which. longest yeah boi ever.mp4#despite most of my friends being anime/manga nerds. I haven't successfully gotten anyone to check out the manga yet#so of course if he's gonna go read my biggest obsession then I have to read the thing he rec'd me in turn#from what he was telling me about the plot. there is a very noteworthy overlap lmao#I'm rambling but anyway. the point of the post is that yay cheap manga#thank you cheap manga#invasion of the frogs
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Tbh I should probably take a break. I almost definitely won't but I should, yknow
#idk i don't have much 'real stuff' happening irl besides like. job hunting and college applications. so it's hard#but i think if i at least ease off some time on here n read a little more n watch more movies i might start to feel better#haven't really liked where my head's been at lately it feels like whatever persona is The One Who Blogs is 'taking over' more#to put it in a very dorky comic book-sounding ass way LMAO but that's how i feel! like i'm losing my own 'voice' yknow#my mental health is Bad my physical health is also Not Great n i kinda feel like ass. if i'm being honest#idk i feel like i'm crashing from whatever high i've been on for the past couple of days n i'm not Really super happy w myself#except the media literacy posts those were good. but like the more discoursey stuff i'm not proud of#again sorry to like. publicly vent LMAO i'll be fine i'm good. i'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this#but again. sorry abt the Shite i was posting earlier today i wasn't really in my own right head#just kinda wanted 2 get all that off my chest idk if it's clear that i don't really have anyone i feel like i can talk to right this moment#i'm very socially isolated irl and i'm so scared of becoming socially isolated online too just bc i'm an idiot who doesn't think b4 he post#NOT to make it sound all about me or whatever but it's true. i'm very very scared of losing people n right now this is My Space#i'd forgotten just how bad it felt. in this Specific case it is kinda my fault tho LMAO don't worry i've apologized as best i know how#okay i'm done. i'm done. i'm gonna go watch tv and go to bed i hope#open mick night
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