#late time bad brain time probably isnt helping

[zeloinator]

Updated my anem files and did some gpose after being mostly stumped by the file just not working in game and idk why so its back to the beginning! But i did some gpose of not the oc I should be doing gpose of (Zee) but my dawntrail spoiler oc and my warrior of light from the AU where Belle Ze’bub and Kask’ov Amon’tillado are the big bads (and accidentally gave the two ocs the same haircut)! Things are quite wonky for my still and I’m just not able to be happy with much i do gpose wise (well for a while before the update) so hopefully I’ll just post stuff and not overthink it ;-;

[justinefrischmanngf]

i will be okay again and that is what matters

[stevie-petey]

Hi M! I saw you mention that you felt bad for Billy because of that particular lack of a chance he got to prove himself to be a good person. And I definitely agree because even tho he was really cruel and horrible, the scene of his death still made many of us cry 🤧

Because of this, I thought of a tiny little angst blurb if you want to write it!

In your latest chapter of come home, it was mentioned that he tried finding bug because he didn’t know what was going on with him and why he was acting the way he was.

Do you think you could write that from his pov?

Thank you! 😁

this one is a challenge because ive never written billys pov but heres my very poor attempt lmao

enjoy !

"dude, are you alright?"

lights blind billy. a ringing in his ears nearly deafens him. his vision blurs and his teeth grind into sawdust. the taste of blood fills his mouth as he bites down on his tongue. he grips at the lifeguard stand, hardly able to stand himself.

theres a guy in front of him. billy thinks his name is alex, who eyes him wearily. alex clears his throat, tries again. "hey, uh. billy?"

billy. his name is billy. billy hargrove.

the metallic taste of blood coats his mouth. he tries to speak, words tumble from mouth like a slippery slope. he doesnt have control over them. he cant remember if hes supposed to breathe in or out when he speaks.

all billy knows is that theres a girl out there. someone told him to come find her of he ever needed anything. what was her name? it started with an h, two, maybe three syllables.

he loses his footing, almost falls against the stands wood, and alex takes a step back from him. hes scared of billy. did he do something? hes cold. his entire body is cold.

"you know what, im just... i'll just go." alex takes another step back. he pushes his glasses up stands awkwardly in front of billy. "y/n is probably waiting for me, anyways."

the hair on billys arms stand up.

y/n henderson. that had been the girls name.

sweetheart. billy calls you sweetheart. hawkins sweetheart. the one who extended help to him.

"where?" saliva mixed with blood follows billys question.

alexs eyes widen. "w-what?"

"where. is. y/n?" he needs to find you. its getting harder and harder to keep the blood inside his mouth. his guts twist within his stomach, billy thinks the cold that attacks his body is really white hot heat, searing his intestines and burning him from the inside.

you said you could help him.

billy doesnt know whats going on. darkness seeps into his brain. he cant think straight. the sunlight casts a blinding streak across his eyesight. is he dreaming?

"she... she should be waiting in her car." alex isnt sure if he should be telling billy this. youve always been weird when it came to the mention of the boy, but billys sweat drips onto the concrete and alex thinks he may be experiencing heatstroke.

he decides then that he should take billy to you. alex knows youll know what to do. you always do. the amount of times youve saved his ass at work is more than hes willing to admit, but alex holds a deep appreciation for you.

alex grabs billys arm to guide him towards the pools exit, but the skin is cold to the touch. he flinches, he doesnt understand whats wrong with the guy. hes drenched in sweat and yet ice cold.

billy doesnt register any of this. all he can feel is his body being moved somewhere. hes removed from it all. his body hasnt been his ever since the night he crashed his car.

theres something inside of billy. something more sinister than the anger his father left him. worse than the bruises and scars from his childhood. and billy is afraid.

it takes some maneuvering, alex has to stop and steady billy every few feet, but eventually they make it to the pools parking lot. only your car isnt there.

alex curses and looks down at his watch. its almost one in the afternoon. your shift at bookstrordinary shouldve ended thirty minutes ago. youre never late.

and yet you never show.

billy and alex stand in the parking lot for nearly an hour waiting for you. the sun blazes down upon their skin. billy nearly blacks out at one point, and alex doesnt know what to do.

then something seems to shift within billy. his back straightens, his eyes suddenly ignite, and the blue in his irises is gone. black now infiltrates, and alex nearly trips on the curb in his haste to get away from him.

billy sniffs the air in an animalistic way. alex watches.

theyre here.

the voice booms in billys mind. its gravelly, rough, it isnt human.

follow them. follow her.

billy turns and sees el walking across the street. shes coming towards the pool. she hasnt seen him yet. neither have the others. those goddamn kids and max.

max.

who is he again?

[rockermybuddie]

Rant about my sweet boy Tommy Kinard.

So if you are one of those “OmG JuMp ScArE” or “im blocking you for posting a picture of Tommy”

Just go ahead and scroll or block me, idc.

———————————————

I’m going to start this off by when i first started watching 911 and we shall go from there.

I started watching 911 in 2020 when covid started and it was senior year of high school so we were doing NTI.

I stopped watching it specifically on the episode where they responded to the guy at the car place getting blown up like a balloon.

Why?

Because I couldn’t stand how Buck was treating Eddie.

It was generally pissing me off how Buck was so ‘jealous’ of Eddie in the beginning because he was ‘better’ than him and was able to do things he couldn’t.

Because thats how life is, there is always going to someone who comes into your work space and knows how to do it better than you no matter how long you have worked there.

And yes its a Tv show, i know.

I picked up watching 911 in late 2023 and finished where i left off, so forgive me if what i said wasnt quite accurate.

I literally stopped watching in the middle of that episode and picked right back up in the middle of that episode three years later and never re-watched S1-S2.

I genuinely just forgot i had even started watching it and i knew why i stopped but figured i would give it another try.

I also kept seeing it on my fyp on tik tok and figured i just had to watch his character development.

———-

So what gets me so aggravated about Tommy is when i see and edit of him then it switches to Eddie and i open the comments and everyone is like:

“Omg put a jump scare warning”

“I was abt to block you”

“Ew temu”

“Get him off my screen”

If you dont want to see Tommy then stop watching 911????

When Tommy was introduced in 911 he obviously was an unlikable character.

No one likes a sexist, racist, homophobic.

And I understand why we wouldnt like him.

He was working under Gerrad and we all know how Gerrad is if he were to not follow along with his fellow crew then he would wouldnt of been able to go on calls and would get stuck on cleaning duty.

The whole “he didnt have to follow in their footsteps”

Thats all he could really do back then.

He was introduced as a bad character.

But

Character development.

Haha i like doing the small to big text.

Anyways.

He left the 118 and went to harbor. We had years of not seeing/hearing from him other then that time when Chimney called him.

Obviously he had character development helping Chim.

Dude couldnt stand him in the beginning. Even when Chim carried him out of the building that one time.

So in that time he had time to change his view of things and im sure if was able ro go back in the past and change how he acted he would.

Why?

For Buck.

Both Tommy and Buck had major character development and thats what we like to see!

If we all love Buck now why cant we love Tommy too?

I do hope see Buck learning how Tommy treated Chim and Hen. Yeah Buck will be upset but he will see how Tommy has changed since then.

Gerrad will probably have something to do with that.

Buch changed.

Tommy changed.

——-

People also need to learn

Actor vs character

Lou is NOT Tommy.

He portrays Tommy.

Just because an actor plays a character you dont like doesn’t mean you need to go say hatful things about them.

Lou would never say or do anything racist or sexist.

And if he did/does the internet isnt going to let that slide.

Like come on, we know once something gets said the whole internet will know.

Isnt that right Ryan? (He apologized i know)

And not everyone likes apologies but the thing is people pick and choose if an apology is accepted or not. So either way if someone apologizes it might not even matter in the end.

The internet is going to be the internet.

You dont have to agree with me this was just a rant.

I probably missed somethings i was going to say or maybe i said somethings that are wrong.

Oh well. 

——-

Im going to go clean now. My brain hurts.

[boxheadpaint]

diary post baby. Heavier than usual or at least probably but i dont know or remember a good portion of the things ive ever said about myself on this line. For the normal guys though i had fun making that comic, usually when i get the motivation to make anything in that format i get pretty bummed about it pretty quickly simply because of the paneling

its fun to imagine making dynamic pages of comic panels, but when you have no experience beyond trying to make manga in your teens you mostly just have the squares/rectangles stacked next to eachother. for anyone else this is fine and isnt boring to look at by its nature alone, but for me i always believe that my own work would be too dull and unexciting to eye-catching to even bother reading. trying to just lose that pressure i give myself for a day and make something silly like some animals looking at eachother is nice

one of the things i kept hearing from my own head during the call about The Good News Of Getting Disability Income And Payment For The Time I Wasn't Recieving Benefits, was that i needed to kill myself for some reason. my body reacts badly to experiencing a lot of things, though of course its worst when its negative feelings. not even particularly strong ones, maybe a little nervous or a little mad and it likes to tremble or tense up totally. i dont know why exactly i reacted in this particular way other than the usual "what do you mean i dont need to freak out about this anymore. what am i going to do with all this freaking out juice? just chug it?"

im worried lately that ive built up too much of a tolerance to my sertraline, if thats something that happens. but i dont know for sure, and i dont know what ill do if that is the case. maybe it is still working and i just cant tell because even though its bad things would be much worse if i stopped taking it. it just feels like these days it doesnt do anything to help me feel better or more in control. can i speedrun making it work again by going cold turkey for a week and then getting back on it so my brain is like wow this awfulness stopped after i took this awesome pills.

can i give the money i recieve from social security to someone else to save? is that legal? or do they hunt you down for sport for doing that. what if you wanted to buy a house. or rent a house. Or just fucking live somewhere because these days prices are fucking absurd. ridiculous even.

hey girl, rat piss. hey girl, rat piss. I realize other than the blue puppy video i havent posted anything for pride. partly of anxieties of course, especially given the Great track record of the site withing the past month, but also straight up forgetfulness. I keep forgetting too many things and being too tired to remember. At night though i can do just about anything. I think ill take a nap and then wake up at 2 am to keep drawing. I have things to draw

6/24/2024

[fisherobsessedmyb]

(sal and larry + little brother reader) oooo well I used to have a lot of nightmares as a kid, and I would have loved to have a sibling to hug, so maybe something about that? lil brother coming crying to them at night and asking to sleep next to them where it’s warm and safe, MAYBE he’s having the nightmares due to the ghosts and demons in the apartment, and they both get a lil mad and go out of their way to find whatever is causing it :)

could be headcanons, or if it’s too short then a small oneshot would also work, but you do you! and yes, you have a life outside of tumblr, take your time! :D thank you!

���Sal/Larry older brother hcs!🔹

🔹Sal Fisher/Larry Johnson X M!Younger Sibling!Reader!🔹

🔹CW|nightmares i guess?🔹

🔹Sal and larry would definitely have different approaches to comforting their younger brother after a nightmare🔹

🔹Though both would be caring and helpful🔹

🔹Sal would be able to empathise a lot due to his night terrors and would maybe try to relate by sharing the fact he has his own nightmares🔹

🔹Larry would probably crack a joke or two to cheer his younger brother up, but he'd also listen if that was what he needed🔹

🔹Maybe one particular night their younger brother left his bedroom during the night after a particularly bad nightmare, to find them🔹

🔹And maybe saw them watching tv so he sat inbetween them on the couch🔹

🔹I can imagine Sal asking if hes okay, and why hes up🔹

🔹Which then may lead to either their brother crying remembering the dream, or bottling up those emotions and lying🔹

🔹If he lied, i think larry would pick up on it, along with sal🔹

🔹Larry might pat his back gently, asking something along the lines of"you sure, dude? Youre not usually up this late"🔹

🔹And sal might ask softly something like "you dont have to lie, y/n. Whats wrong?"🔹

🔹Which would lead to their brother admitting he had a nightmare and being visibly more anxious, though he calms down with the comfort of larry and sal🔹

🔹In the case that he just admits that he had a nightmare though, i imagine he'd still be shaken up and maybe tear up a bit, looking down at his hands🔹

🔹Which just might be fidgeting like sals do(a/c:sals hand do fidget/twitch in the game when hes younger!)🔹

🔹He'd be embarrassed, saying quietly something like "i had another nightmare, i dont know why"🔹

🔹His voice may even crack a bit, leading sal and larry to worry more🔹

🔹But i imagine sal would gladly hug his brother(if wanted) without hesitation, sympathising with his brother🔹

🔹Larry would probably pat his back, listening🔹

🔹I imagine theyd be 10x more concerned and sympathetic once their brother describes his nightmare🔹

🔹Given the details, it isnt hard to tell that theyre influenced by the apartments🔹

🔹I imagine larry being pissed, feeling protective🔹

🔹I imagine sal would feel equally as protective, though less angry and more worried🔹

🔹But they'd keep those feelings down for the moment, focusing on comforting him🔹

🔹In either scenario, theyd comfort their brother, and sit with him watching tv until he fell asleep again🔹

🔹Then discuss what to do about it🔹

🔹I imagine they'd continue to comfort their younger brother after every nightmare, while trying to stop them🔹

🔹Sal might sit with their younger brother until he falls asleep🔹

🔹And larry might draw with him until they fall asleep(on his shoulder)🔹

🔹In the end, they'd end up getting rid of their younger brother's nightmares🔹

🔹Though, they'd still stay with him to help them feel safer🔹

🔹I think theyd take turns staying up incase their younger sibling woke up🔹

🔹Theyd always be ready to comfort him when he wakes up, even if he didnt wake up from a nightmare🔹

A/n:i wasnt sure how to end this lol but i hope this is ok, anon! Brains a lil funky lately o.0 n ive been busy so it was harder 2 come up w/ stuff but yk :) hope ya enjoy, it was fun writin! happy reading!

[ataraxixx]

How did roleswap citrus meet each other? 0: also how are some of their conflicts reversed? if this is stuff you can share lol :)

HI ok so im still working out a lot of this au in my brain bc i am kind of bad at aus so sorry if some of this seems kind of bad or makes no sense….. This is also gonna be a long one and answer a lot more than just ur question so sorry. But i need to infodump it somewhere </3 ill put it under a break bc this is a LONG One sorry

So for morro ive talked abt how i think hes a robot who was built to fulfill the green ninja prophecy and his is his sole purpose/directive. To defeat the dark lord. Kind of how zane/echo are ‘built to protect’ and live by that (or try to lol). So morro is created a long time before the ninja come together and he seeks out wu in order to figure out how to get to Garmadon. Because his purpose is to defeat garmadon. And wu is like.(who the fuck is this guy) and basically takes him in under the impression that. Maybe he could actually be the green ninja? And even though wu realizes its  definitely not morro he does keep trying to train him bc he doesnt want morro to go off on his own to try and find garmadon. But eventually he has to come clean and morro is annoyed bc he thinks wu has put everyone in danger by stalling the prophecy (he obviously doesnt believe it when wu tells him hes not the green ninja because he *is*!) and he tries to leave as wu predicted, but wu doesnt let him and instead shuts him off for his own protection. Morro gets to live in the monastery basement for awhile and wu always thinks abt powering him back on but doesnt bc hes like. This guy is going to try and do stupid shit (hes right). So he just stays in the basement until obv the ninja arrive and the shows events happen as normal but the monastery gets burned down and in the rush to get out and the move to the bounty, wu forgets abt morro being there… and when he does remember hes there, he ultimately decides its probably for the best if he isnt powered on again bc there IS a green ninja now and he doesnt know what morro would do if he met lloyd. And doesnt want lloyd to get hurt. So cue skybound when nya and jay are on the run from nadakhan, instead of going to the lighthouse they instead go to the ruins of the monastery because jay remembers wu had this cryptic ass basement he would never let the ninja go into, and jay thinks maybe theres some kind of crazy secret weapon in there or something that can stop nadakhan. Instead they find morro, and they power him on. And hes like. Oh! Youre the other ninja from the prophecy. and agrees to help them although hes a little confused on whats going on bc hes like shouldnt we be fighting garmadon… but he joins the substitute ninja in the fight against nadakhan. 

Echo was Dr. Julien’s original son who was alive and like. A #real boy. I think maybe dr. julien wife(??) died in childbirth and echo was born very sickly so dr. julien sought out a magical way to heal him. I think this is probably how he got involved with the skeletons in the first place bc them seeking him out always felt random to me i feel like they should have some history mb. So maybe like samukai or another skeleton was like oh i totally know a spell that will make your son healthy and normal. And dr julien was like . Hm. but kind of desperate so he went with it and of course it  did make his son healthy and normal. Except the price of the spell is that it curses the soul of the person its used on. So echo lived normally with his father for many years until he was outside late collecting firewood one evening and was attacked by treehorns (this was before dr. julien built the guard robot) and A) discovered he had the ability to control the wind which was cool. Except he didnt know how to use it and just kind of fucked up badly and got lost in the woods while trying to run from the treehorns. And B) was still injured in the fight and now Also Lost and basically died trying to get home from both injuries + hypothermia. Rip bozo!. And of course dr. julien was devastated and like pinocchio-core i guess decided to build a new son and that is the  Current Zane. he is a copy but he was never told about that of course bc dr julien didnt want to think abt the son he lost. But yea echos soul was cursed and he went to the cursed realm which  um. Hardened him so to speak. He learned he was cursed because of his father and it pissed him off a little bit but only mildly. But i think the cursed realm is like hell or whatevr so the ghosts go through bullshit all the time bc like. Theyre the souls of the damned or whatever right. So by time echo manages to get out hes become apart of the pre eminents ranks and her plans and what not and hes like sure  whatever. I want revenge on my dad for cursing me (<-- guy who has gone through the ringer) but he gets out at the end of s4 and discovers. Oh. my dad didnt just curse me. When i died he replaced me with a stupid machine! Ok! And he possesses zane and also does pre eminent plan and etc….average s5 stuff i think. Idk im not the best at rewriting seasons if anyone has any ideas for this let me know.

I think at the end of s5 echo doesnt get his shit rocked because i like him. And i think it would be nice if he could get along with zane a little. So maybe he stays as a ghost and maybe nya or borg or whoever builds him a robot body he can possess and use instead of being a ghost all the time:) and he doesnt necessarily join the team bc hes not . a ninja nor does he want to be but hes still the master of wind so hes a useful ally to the ninja and helps them out with bigger threats. LIKE. the sons of garmadon. Transition…. (PS. i also think that echo and morro would meet in skybound bc echo would also be on the substitute ninja team but this would be undone by jay. Of course)

So. the SoG go to the ruined monastery at some point or other to try and find some dirt on the ninja and also just to find old wu scrolls or whatever they can scrounge up. And What they DO scrounge up is this fuckass robot whos been here for however long bc. Obviously skybound didnt happen! And jay and nya never went back for morro bc they were like. Umm he was weird and also would probably try to kill lloyd if he met him maybe. And also like lets be real they just wanted to ignore this shit ever happened why else would they leave echo in canon lol. So the SoG find Morro and power him on and hes like ummm. Hey. its me. The green ninja. Who are you. And harumis like…??? Are you sane or what. But she sees an opportunity here. Bc this robot solely wants to fight garmadon. And shes like. Ok. well we’re gonna get garmadon here. If you help us you can fight him. This is your destiny. And hes like damn ok sure sounds good to me! (nobody is gonna tell him that the destiny already happened and theres Another Guy who is the green ninja btw). So morro joins the SoG idk what his name should be. Mr. M is fucking stupid sorry. If anyone has any ideas for morro biker name lmk. But hes there or whatever and then when lloyd goes undercover in the SoG and snake jaguar fight a la mutt malamute style. Morro and lloyd fight and morro reveals his identity to lloyd as the green ninja (he thinks hes very cool) and lloyd is like. What. lmfao. And is like. Youre  not the green ninja …? I am…? And they get into a fight abt it and morro beats up lloyd bc hes annoyed at all the lies this guy is saying to him about how his destinys already been fulfilled and wu lied and etc etc. lloyd loses the fight rip bozo. 

I am a wojira duo fan and i think that persists here except  its echo and nya instead so im gonna talk abt that. I think theyre friends. So i think nya would confide in echo about the events of skybound and so i think echo remembers what happened (in my mind skybound is like. Everyone can remember it but they have to be reminded what happened for it to be recalled? Bc splinter implies lloyd and clancee have vague impressions of it in their minds. Idk its interesting). So he remembers morro and when lloyd is like yea some fuckass robot is saying hes the green ninja  jay nya and echo all collectively just kind of look at each other about it. Like thats OUR fuckass robot saying hes the green ninja. And because i am not limited by pacing i can do whatever i want and have jaya tell the team abt skybound finally (things that shouldve happened in s8 originally lol) and theyre all like. Oh. what girl. And jay insists that if they can get to morro and tell him what happened in the lost timeline he will remember it and join them bc hes a good person at heart. (probably). So the next time they encounter him would actually be when pixal finds the SoG in ‘the quiet one’ so i think. Echo and her went together to go stall them since echo can also just fly over w the mech using powers lol. So they find killow morro uv and  echo and morro fight 1v1 . yuri btw. And echo reminds him of what happened and morros like. Hm. I do remember this. But i need to help the SoG so i can defeat garmadon and prove im the green ninja. So fuck off? But i think obv when the  SoG DO revive garmadon morro immediately tries to fight him and gets his ass kicked……I dont think he gets destroyed but i do think he gets fucked up enough (the ninja probably fix him) that he realizes lloyd wasnt lying and that he isnt supposed to be the one to fight garmadon. Like theyve all been saying. Which kind of fucks him up a bit bc like. Thats literally his sole purpose and wtf is he existing for if he cant even do that. Youve given the perfectly good robot anxiety oh no. but also i could probably talk abt this for another like 4 paragraphs i need to put an end here bc this is already like 3 pages on google docs…….Sorry you did not ask for all this. But i needed to explain the context

[belovedfromnature]

Hey man want my bloodmoon headcannons? Too bad suffer I’m on that brain rot.(yes I’m going to format this like an x reader I don’t wanna use my S/I out of fear)

✮ Bloodmoon doesn’t really understand emotions, he was made after all, with not so great intentions, thus the ability of understanding human emotions not really being needed… that being said, he has a hard time expressing just how he feels about you, and determining what exactly he is feeling.

‍✰ He is frustrated at himself for not knowing what he is feeling, it takes him a long time to finally process and understand what he feels.

✮ IF YOU RETURN HIS FEELINGS (let’s be honest, you probably would if you’re still reading this) HES JUST UH…. Well he doesn’t know what to do next,,,,

‍✰ please explain to him how a relationship works,,,, he doesn’t know what it even is,,,,,,

✮ HE IS A VERY PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE PERSON??? CREATURE???DEMON?? AUTOMATON!!! LIKE I SAID BEFORE, HE ISNT THE BEST AT EXPRESSING HOW HE FEELS, DOESNT KNOW HOW!! SO HE LOVES TO SHOW YOU HOW HE CARES WITH TOUCH!!!

‍✰ because of his animalistic nature I’m telling you he will pounce on you several times and start nuzzling you, yes he will try to bite you, HE CANT HELP IT!!!

✮ I have said it before to many others, and I will say it here, HE WILL PURR AND GROWL AND HISS MAKE HIM A LITTLE FERAL CATWOLF THING

‍✰ he can purr while you give him physical affection (cuddles, nuzzles, kissy kissy mwah mwah), growl if he senses any threat towards you, and hiss if you spray water at him (spray bottle… like a kitty cat… my little meow meow….)

I HAVE… SO MUCH MORE. BUT UH, ITS LATE IDK LEMME KNOW IF YOU WANNA HEAR MORE 🫶🫶🫶‼️‼️

[squeiky]

Had a dream i was sans the skeleton, and during my dream- at some point involved pigeons swooping down, way too close to the pedestrian area where i was walking.

By the time i said "wow these pigeons are flyinf way too low" one rabid pigeon comes out and fucking attacks me.

I hold if off with my bare hands, then wake up panicked about bats flying into my window, biting my secretly, then flying out, therefore afflicting me with rabies.

Then i fell alseep again because its way too early for this shit

And then dreamt about being sans again- before turning into myself and promplty having an adventure about thus nice resturant resort looking area that is actually the inner body of 2 connected brethren- in which both are respectively called the "life" and "dark" kings. One was purple esc rot infection- videogame looking type shit and the other was this nature esc, happy peacful looking guy who talked.

Tldr: turns out dark king aint a bad guy and isnt try to hurt anyone, life king is actually dying and killing him brothef alongside him due to their bodies being connected. You cna actually go inside of their bodies, as they are giants, and see all the flora and fauana surronded by multiple mini gnats slowly digesting the life king from the inside.

Then afterwards some shennangins occur with not being able to leave the hotel place (idk) bcs the area forbids you from realizing where the exit is (causing you to run around in circles over and over again) and prevents you from hearing anyone outside of the hotel place from directing you out- lest they too risk themselves to free you.

So i kept the door open with a bag and a bottle (tp prevent being locked in) and then got these two peeps i was traveling with outside of the hotel.

Now, all this is to say that i slept late as fuck like 1 pm, and wake up earlier than 9, because for some goddamn reason my brain goes "okay so time to check for signs of bites AGAIN because you think and wholeheartdly believe a bat had flown through your window, had either 1) reneacted that dream squence and fought it off like that pigeon thus resulting in scratches or 2) it bit/licked/scratched you somehwere somehow, then flew out of the window (and thats how you got the fluttering of wings sfx in your dream and why pigeons where there.)

Writing this out seems ludacris but i also woke up to a sudden dizzy spell, and while thats probably related to my lack of adequate sleep- itndoesnt help the fact that i woke up because im deeply scared of that virus- and am become paranoid and am creating scenerios where it may have occured and believing scenarios and i just fucking woke up god where are my meds 😮‍💨

[crispyjenkins]

@catamaranthenonnewtonianfluid

#every installment of this bops#if quin disappears after Obi-Wan nukes his identity i imagine that at least a couple jedi will realise where quinlan is headed#and having another padawan vamoose to mandalore (and with how concerning obi's whole *everything* has been) i imagine someone might go#after him which obvious one is tholme but if youre looking for a way to sneak lumi in maybe quin#successfully caused enough of a distraction that his disappearance isnt noted for a couple days#and luminara is on mission closer to mandalore when the realisation hits#maybe maybe?#vhonte being on side for the next chaos run (from everyone else's perspective) is very good that will be fun#she probably needs enrichment right#obi is the meat filled pumpkin they needed

vhonte vhonte vhonte vhonte vhonte vh

alright i'm good. we'll come back to vhonte in a minute tho

so as i said in the comments of this post, your tags inspired me to tiptap out a lil scene that wasn't really like. intended to end up in the final story, but it would have been okay if it did, and now it's sort of become a cornerstone of where the fic might end up. because y'all are enabling me on the Luminara front and my brain was on that world building kick after differentiating the Manda vs ka'ra vs Ka'ra, i then started world building the Unifying vs Cosmic vs Physical vs Living Force and decided Luminara gets to be a Lil Special, which incidentally helps keep Obi from being too OP, altho i love time travel as an excuse for OPness

so so so so. i mentioned in tags ages ago that Obi-Wan's crèchemates can feel something different from their Force bonds with him after he time hops. for this story, his crèche clanmates are Bant, Garen, Reeft, Bruck, Aalto, and four others that won't have enough bearing on the plot to name. and i like the idea of there being some variety of age in clans, because i sincerely think the Jedi would embrace the importance of learning from many different ages early, not just later in their training; "the padawan teaches the master" and all that. not too much variety, of course, since that would be detrimental to some aspects of learning. i will say i'm not big on some legends canon saying they put kids in clans based on like. their tendencies for certain aspects of learning, like heliost clan being for those with "deep insight", or kids put in katarn for being "stealthy". that just smacks of h*gwarts houses and i HATE the implication of predetermining a child's interests and strong suits.

BUT that's beside the point. I've decided Obi's clan was the Kamoradon or Saberjowl clan, partly because it's close to catamaran and is an aquatic creature, and also because it's from Kamino for ~Force shenanigans~ and ~destiny~ reasons. I love the head(?)canon that Quinlan is a few years older, so isn't even technically their agemate, but he's often grouped with them 'cause he's so close to all the Saberjowl initiates that ended up on the knighthood track (Bruck, of course, died, and I have Aalto as well as their other clanmates moving on to various corps instead. except maybe one of them? that doesn't stay close with the other Saberjowls. no bad blood or anything, just didn't reaffirm those Force bonds after they all went their separate ways for padawanship), and it's often forgotten that Quinlan isn't one of their old clanmates, especially because he isn't close with the clan he was inserted into since he came to the crèche so late and didn't stay for long. and he also often acts younger than he is.

for the purposes of this fic, Jedi (and Force users in general) typically find themselves "aligned" with one of the four different... facets of the Force. it's partly philosophy, and partly just what part of the Force they draw most strongly from. i've already made my opinions on h*gwarts houses clear, so this "alignment" is far more like Naruto's elemental chakra affinities: you can learn jutsu from those other elements, and even do them well, but they'll never be as easy to master or perform as your natural affinity. the way these different facets of the Force work in canon seem to be more philosophy-based, as in they're different ways of viewing the Force, but that doesn't hold up across even Lucas canon, so i'm taking it all and running with it

so, quickly:

Living Force = the parts of the Force that connect all living things, both sentient and not; "an all-encompassing and all-transcending energy field—present in and generated by all living beings, connecting all of life which fed into the Cosmic Force in death" (wookieepedia); Living Force users focus on the present, relying on instincts more than thinking; from my understanding, is directly related to and caused by midichlorians.

Cosmic = a "wellspring" for the Living Force, binding all things together in tandem with the Living, transcending space and time and dealing with "destiny"; connected to but not the same as the Living Force; this is what Jedi and Force users "listen to" in order to follow its "Will", sometimes viewed as semi-sentient; is what connects to the midichlorians??

Unifying = energy connecting everything non-living, such as stars and space; users focus on the future and prescience, on ensuring the Force's Will in the future, rather than the present like those of the Living Force; are focused on the flow of time as a whole rather than the immediate moment; from a theological standpoint, many that followed the Unifying often believed in there not being a Light and a Dark side (though I'm unclear just on who these "many" are, as they seem to be mainly in EU novels). this last aspect won't be dealth with in this fic.

Physical = the parts of the Force a user can manipulate directly, such as "manipulating objects, influencing other beings, and affecting the environment" (wookieepedia).

reiterating: all Force-sensitive beings can use any and/or all facets of the Force, and indeed do, but are naturally inclined to one of them, or can build a philosophy to one that makes it their primary.

how the philosophy aspect comes into play for this and future works of mine is how one's views affect their connection to the Force, and how some philosophies and views have fallen out of favour, in this case the Unifying and the Cosmic (due to lots of reasons, but mainly the spreading Darkside affecting the connection to the Unifying and Cosmic Forces, which we do actually see in canon with prescience being directly affected by the Sith's spreading influence). since the Cosmic is seen in tandem with the Living, I like to think most Jedi at this point in the timeline (c. 41 BBY) don't view them as separate facets to have a strength in, so really see the options as being stronger in the Living or Physical Forces, with the Unifying Force being a tool or area of study that gets some eye-rolls when brought into discussions. there are of course the very rare Jedi being stronger in the Unifying, but they are encouraged to make that a secondary focus at best and to pick the Living or the Physical. what does that mean for this fic??

obviously Sifo-Dyas' natural inclination is the Unifying, and he's a stubborn bastard who dug his feet in and never let the more common dogmas of the Temple make him focus on the Living or Physical (this is not a condemnation of the Order, btw; but we canonically [in EU and legends] see those who subscribe to more esoteric or less understood philosophies treated less than favourably by the Order at large). Jedi like Yoda (and those like Palpatine, canonically) use the philosophies of the Unifying more as a supplemental tool; I headcanon Yoda as aligned to the Physical Force, and that absolutely affects how he uses and views the Unifying and Cosmic Forces, such as his belief in destiny but maintaining the adage "always in motion, the future is". hmm many basically listen to the Cosmic Force about destiny and what the Will of the Force is, but then discredit those that go about it differently? tell those strong in the Unifying to not worry too much about the big picture in terms of time, but expect them to look at the big picture immediately around them? not everyone, obviously, but when the grandmaster is so firm in his ways of looking at the universe and the Force, well ¯\(°ᴥ°)/¯ the Jedi aren't perfect, as a whole or as individuals, and make mistakes. this reluctance to embrace all facets of the Force as equal is one of them, at least for my works

Obi-Wan is obviously also Unifying-aligned, and while at this point Qui-Gon is doing much better in understanding it as a physical difference in how they interact with the Force from each other, not just Obi-Wan's personal philosophies and anxieties, much of that damage is already done, especially with Yoda's influence. Obi-Wan did grow out of his clearer and more intense visions, but I haven't decided if that's directly at influence of the Sith, or just a natural consequence of learning to shield as Jedi do, or even just a normal part of growing up. he is, however, still repressing, so to speak, and channeling the Living Force which is not half as easy as channelling the Unifying would be for him. in this 'verse, future Obi would eventually learn better, ironically in large part due to his picking up of Soresu, which greatly improves with some level of prescience and using said prescience in battle.

okay okay all of that was so I get to talk about Luminara being a rare Jedi naturally aligned to the Cosmic Force. in the broader Temple, like with the Unifying, the Cosmic is seen as a skill or tool, one that every Jedi is supposed to have some skill with, but is not really seen as something one can be strong in or naturally aligned with, not a facet unto itself but as an aspect of the Living Force. some Jedi pursue a deeper connection to it, but aren't allowed to until after knighthood, largely because there's a worry of one falling (not Falling) too deep into the Force and losing themselves. There is some precedent for this, in my fanon, because i think the idea of Force Ghosts initially happening by accident is hilarious; then people learned to do it on purpose, like Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan and Yoda and Anakin, etc., but the first Force users that managed it just got too deep into the Cosmic to get back out again.

ANYWAY Luminara was initially seen as aligned with the Unifying while in the crèche (not in Obi-Wan's clan, but about the same age as them; maybe a year older? Clawmouse clan, maybe?), since her "visions" seemed really similar to Obi-Wan's when they were very little, and that's where they bonded and Luminara became a staple in their friend group, to the point she's also forgotten not to have been a part of Saberjowl clan. okay and here's where my fanon of the Cosmic really comes into play: the Living Force is a facet of the present, of the seen and immediate surroundings, while the Unifying is a facet of the future. the Cosmic is a facet of the unseen present. it isn't prescience if it's happening at that moment, and she "sees" things those aligned to the Living Force don't, she has even higher empathy than most, she sees what people are trying to hide, but also things she simply has no business knowing, often due to distance (like across-the-galaxy distance, sometimes), but not because she's seen the future. luckily her master (canonically another Mirialan, though unnamed) caught the difference between her and Obi-Wan, and encouraged strengthening her skill and connection to her natural alignment, despite many masters and much of the high council advising against it.

so she's the one that knows immediately when something with Obi-Wan changes. she feels it in the Force first, that something is different, and then feels it when Obi-Wan snaps a shield over all of his Force bonds with his friends. he's done it before, multiple times (he's years ahead of his agemates in shielding, but because he'd had to learn younger than most so he could manage his visions), but the way he shields them now is Masterful, with a capital M (Quinlan says this in the scene i have written lmao), and Luminara only notices the shielding going up because she's already paying attention. their friend group is all in a little study session together, Obi-Wan the only one out on a mission (i love love love @roosjem's trope across their fics of the Jedi trying their best to keep all of their crèche clan from being in-Temple at the same time to limit the Chaos™; that's not what's happening here, but i still wanted to shout that out. also just read all of roosjem's works, they're some of my all-time favorite in fandom), so Luminara pointing it out makes them all realise Obi-Wan is all but blocking them. again this isn't the first time he has, far from, but never this thoroughly, never this well. they can tell he's not dead and is physically well, but that's about it

this happens more or less right after he lands in the past, when he decides like. immediately that he's going to fix the future. like there's no hesitation, no waffling about preserving the timeline or about the ethics, or even considering he isn't back in time, that it's a vision or something. nope. just immediate "well a moment ago I was meditating on the Negotiator thinking about how much I would change how I handled Mandalore, and now I'm here back on Mandalore, so like. I'm gonna go change how I handled Mandalore."

i'm still working out the timeline, but i need it to be around a month of Obi-Wan making his way to Keldabe, though maybe even more, to really get the pot stirring. i really liked @catamaranthenonnewtonianfluid's idea of Luminara just being the closest to Mandalore when Obi-Wan fully cuts ties with the Jedi, so i'll be going that route somewhat, me thinks. so the events in sequence (so far) are:

Obi time hops, shields all his Force bonds and starts gunning for Keldabe; Luminara senses something in the Force, and then their friend group notices him shielding far more expertly than he should be able to; Obi-Wan drops Satine off with Qui-Gon, and Qui starts chasing after him; Obi-Wan bounces around the sector/system, taking out Death Watch where he can, protecting those that he can, helping everyone that doesn't ping negatively in the Force; Mandalorians start taking notice, start tracking his progress, clans start standing down at least for the moment wondering what Obi-Wan's existence and actions are going to do to the wars; knowingly and unknowingly, the people and the Manda align to "pick" him as a sort of candidate for Mand'alor;

at between a month and two months, Obi-Wan arrives in Keldabe and steals all Pre Vizsla's info on Jango, using that and his future knowledge/research to track Jango down; leaves the Mandalore system, alerting Qui-Gon by virtue of their bond growing weaker; Luminara sneaks out, knowing something Big is happening; Obi takes about a week to reach Outland Transit Station, where he confronts and fails to convince Jango to return to Mandalore; by internally acknowledging himself as dar'manda, Jango breaks his connection to the Ka'ra, and the Ka'ra pick Obi-Wan instead; Obi-Wan realises he can't half-ass his support of Mandalore, and starts erasing himself from the Order's systems as he makes his way back to Mandalore; just before he lands back on planet, a week later, he deletes himself from the Jedi, breaks his training bond with Qui-Gon, and sends out his last few messages (including to Luminara, since I didn't have her in the last update); he doesn't break his friendship bonds or anything, but shields them even more, until the only reason they know he's alive is that their bond hasn't been snapped; the Order only thinks to look in their data systems when Qui-Gon calls them in a panic about his broken bond, and everyone who got an anonymous message (though obviously from Obi-Wan [obvious to anyone but Feemor lmao]) comes forward, and the Order can only decide to let Obi-Wan go. No one is particularly happy about this, but what else can they do? They tell Qui-Gon his mission to protect Satine hasn't stopped, but he has to stop chasing Obi-Wan, whatever he's doing for Mandalore is out of their hands now. except, of course, Luminara is still in their purview, so obviously need to send someone to go get her.

now Luminara. she's the only one who got a message who wasn't in the Temple at the time, and is also the only one connected to the Cosmic Force. she can't decipher the Will of the Force better than others precisely, at least not on a grand scale, but she knows something big is going down, even bigger than when Obi-Wan first changed. so maybe she and her friends were following what little information the Order had had about Obi-Wan's movements after dropping Satine off, both from what they're being told in order to be kept in the loop, but also what Quinlan has been sneaking around eavesdopping about

("M'just practicing my Shadow skills, Lumi! Master Tholme even told me to!"

"I don't think that he did."

"He didn't not tell me to!")

when they hear that Obi-Wan left the Mandalore system (on his way to find Jango), Luminara knows this is another turning point. something in the Cosmic Force roils, like a riptide, and she sneaks out of the Temple without her master. something big is happening with Obi-Wan, with Mandalore, and Luminara feels like she's the only one that sees that. she isn't exactly wrong, either, since Qui-Gon and the Order are focusing on immediate repercussions, on consequences of Obi-Wan's actions immediately around him, instead of their consequences on and in the Force, in how they're affecting the future. the Jedi are so focused on trying to figure out what changed that they're not looking at what's changing.

Luminara knows she won't get away with it for long, but Sifo-Dyas unexpectedly (or maybe not so unexpectedly) covers for her, and she indeed gets a good few days' headstart. her master is Temple-bound due to injuries, and the High Council would have wanted to send Shadows anyway, so they send Quinlan and Tholme because they know Quinlan will find a way to follow Luminara, and would have found a way to Mandalore even if she hadn't done so first.

so so so when Obi-Wan's final letters go out, Luminara is already en route, and is even more convinced of her decision, though she isn't letting herself think about what consequences this will have for her future in the Order. Quinlan is the one to tell her over comm message that Obi-Wan has deleted himself from the Order, that he's officially unaffiliated now. Luminara meditates on her own position in the Order, and still finds her path leading towards knighthood, so that's a relief; she won't fault Obi-Wan for his decision to leave, but she's very glad the Force agrees that's still where she, at least, belongs

so she's about a week ahead of Tholme and Quinlan, but still a good few weeks away from Mandalore, and spends much of that time strengthening and reaffirming her bond to Obi-Wan, though she suspects he's shielding it on his end as well, so won't be able to tell what she's doing. that, more than anything, convinces her that Obi-Wan is expecting to deal with all of whatever this is on his own, and she refuses to let him. she isn't quite sure how she's going to find him when she gets there, but she trusts the Force will provide

i haven't done this before, but i think i'm going to have a separate fic for other povs as they come up. for some reason that format really speaks to me for this story in particular. the main fic will all be Obi's pov, while the side stories will be chronological and limited scenes, and will be posted as they come up in the main fic, me thinks. so far i have plans for povs from Qui-Gon, Satine, Quinlan, Luminara, and Mace, though Satine will be maybe two scenes at the very beginning, and Qui's will be quite limited as well. and i know i've been very Jedi-focused the last few "updates" of this idea, but the actual story will be significantly more Obi-Wan and Mando-centric, especially Vhonte Tervho, Silas, Wad’e Tay’haai, Rav Bralor, and maybe Cort Davin. i want to explore some of the lesser-utilised Mandos, particularly the women; depending on how i end up handling the Ka'ra and Obi's connection to it, I might also be playing with Tarre Vizsla and other Mand'alor'e too

(have a hilarious tiny scene idea of someone, Silas maybe, asking Obi if he's a reincarnation of Tarre like. to his face and Obi is like

"Am I what."

and they're like "Are you Tarre Vizsla reincarnated"

"No??"

"Well how do you know?"

"Because kaysh ghost is standing in the corner right now laughing at me??” and it makes some doubters realise that like. oh. he’s a Mand’alor, actually blessed by the Ka'ra. but i haven't decided on the whole ghosts thing yet, so who knows if this'll end up in the actual fic)

SO on that note, more Vhonte:

Obi-Wan leaves the lil Old Guard summit like "I can't stand around waiting for them to make a decision, especially when I know it won't be in my favour", he slips out as quietly as he'd entered so most don't notice, and Vhonte is the only one to follow. she won't swear to him, not yet, but she falls in behind and next to him as he's walking away with purpose like "alright, where do you need me" and Obi-Wan pauses like mid-step because... what? but he senses her mandokar, senses her loyalty, even senses how loyal she had been to Jango (enough to answer his Call to Kamino, in the future), and, well, he's even better planning around two people than he is around just himself (too many years at Qui-Gon's side, and then Anakin at his). and he'd spent much of the time coming back from Outland Station adjusting his Mandalore Plans (capital P) from those he had made with Jango in mind, so he already has an idea of what to do first. he also knows, without asking, that Vhonte is offering only herself for this mission, that this a test for him, and he's alright with the knowledge that even if he somehow fails that test, it won't change much from how he'd thought he'd have to deal with things

this is where he really starts talking about Death Watch, about how weak they are without Tor Vizsla but are still the main backing to keeping Satine out of power while all the other clans are squabbling. Vhonte hesitates just for a moment, wondering if Obi-Wan is even in his right mind, if maybe he's blinded by the revenge he's swearing in the gold on his armour, a revenge against Death Watch, but even though she isn't Manda-touched, she trusts in the Manda, that it would not pick Obi-Wan if he truly was off his rocker, nor lead her to him so directly and insistently if she wasn't meant to follow him. She also clocks his casual use of Satine's name, and she starts to wonder if he comes from a New Mandalorian clan and that's why he says he's clanless, that he'd declared them dar'buir and struck out on his own.

and then he starts laying out his Plans (capital P) and Vhonte realises "oh. not only is he serious, he's good at this". she's a little concerned how experienced he seems with guerrilla tactics (just looked up the origin of the word guerrilla, so i absolutely think Mando'a would have an equivalent. akaan'ika? or akalenedat'ika? anyway) but she doesn't question him, not yet, curious to see how well his plans will actually work, especially in the long run.

so first, Obi-Wan takes her to his offensively-small ship that he stole at Outland Station and she's immediately like "absolutely not" and they go to hers instead, and he gives her the specifics of step one of his Plan, and she sort of feels at loose ends, because Obi-Wan really seems to have it covered without her input.

their first target? the ruins of Keldabe.

mandalore the young cont.

original post/discussion here! it was just getting really long and i for one hate scrolling so far, so. here's this. have also added this au to my masterlist in my pinned post!

@malcontent-crow

#i had a whole wall of tags and it didnt save! lets try this again#i am loving this. the potential for world building and the consequences of knowing more than you should (literally)

#i had forgotten that DW wasnt in peoples thoughts as a threat during the Clan Wars#and the idea that Pre was so far underground with the movement is a very good thing to remember as well! #on one hand you have this driven and spirited young verd that is inspiring Clans to start reassessing who they are fighting and why#on the other you have this clanless outsider that knows waaaaay too much about all the potential major players and is saying#that this major threat isnt really as gone as everybody thought and hoped. sith parallels out the wahoo for ppor obi#and hes standing there watching them all argue over his head about this threat that he KNOWS needs to be dealt with#he is seeing himself as pretty on par or above with the Old Guard in terms of mental age or prowess or large scale battles#so he sees them doubt him maybe even to his face and knows he'll need to get things started on his own

#and becauae everything in the galaxay has at least one person watching it from the outside... how quickly does the news of a jedi padawan#going off the rails on this mission get out? whos keeping track and who points fingers at the jedi for attempting to control the outcome#of the war of their historical enemies in their favor? the senate (read sith) want mandalore defanged before their war but what does it look#like the jedi want? how does the council answer for his actions? do they condemn or condone him? do they try to stay out of it?

#the world building potential of the Manda and the Ka'ra is delicious.#what does it mean to be a mando or darmanda? can you walk around and have people look at you and know you have failed in your oaths?

#and ouch! Obi-Wan considering the fact that he has never been allowed to be his own person.#from padawan to knight/master and then a general and councilor and sheesh. hes really never had the chance to see who he is as a person#outside of his responsibilities to everybody around him and right now hes a war worn adult in a war worn teens body#hes always had somebody else there. as a battle companion a teacher a student as somebody to protect and guard and guide#and now he has this entire culture looking at him and waiting for his next move. and im guess it still feels like less than a burden than#the care and raising of an entire child on his own. sure he had the temple resources and other jedi to lean on but anakin always looked to#him first to solve any problem or teach him something new or cuddle him after nightmares as hes trying to hide his own dreams#and grief and flounding to find his footing as an independent adult

#so right now hes looking around at the entire mando population and realizing thats he might need to reshape himself again for somebody else#to make himself what others need and knowing he can and will do it if it means saving somebody else

#and when exactly did he come back from the war? did he have satine die in his arms and see the ruin that is madalore after a pacifist reign?#does he see the potential for that ruin to happen right now if he doesnt succeed? where does he see himself in regards to the jedi?#has he considered the consequences of stepping up to be the Mand'alor to this culture he has never seen as his own?#has he let himself think about the choices he needs to make and how some things you cant always come out the other side the same as before?

(following the trend of each of these getting longer, this has hit just under 5,000 words, so just a heads up lol? so much world building is happening in this one)

sorry you had to rewrite so much! that last exchange was cursed, it seems lmao

it's so easy to write Obi-Wan as prescient, or the route I'm going with in Dha Kar'ta, so i think it's a fun change-up to have him knowledgeable for completely different reasons! I'm actually going to avoid visions almost at all for this Obi, but everyone else certainly won't know the difference, and he doesn't tell them otherwise (though he won't encourage it either. I do actually have a Naruto time travel where Nart pretends to be psychic à la Shawn Spencer, so that isn't the route I wanna go for this Obi). the consequences of knowing too much, indeed

hmmm many of these questions depend on how deep into Jedi and galactic politics I wanna go, and I'm not sure it's very deep at all. or at least, not very dragged out. i'll explain in a mo

SO first: yes, this Obi is from after Satine dies, in 19 BBY, maybe a month or so after, but before the bombing of the Temple so before Ahsoka left the Order. He was back on the front, no time to properly mourn, though he was doing his best, and was meditating on the whole war, but especially the Sith and their hand in everything that happened on Mandalore. It went deeper than Maul, he knew, had been going on longer than Maul and even Dooku, and it occurred to Obi-Wan that the Sith either wanted a Mandalore that will side with them but not be too much a threat, or they wanted them not a threat at all. He realised his hand in that, in helping put the New Mandalorians on the throne that led to the demilitarisation of the entire sector. Obi-Wan had practically teed Mandalore up for Dooku and then Maul's interference, and if the Republic won the war, he could all too easily see them doing another excision. won't get too much into it to save it for the fic, but he is mediating with something beskar, and he gets a lil too deep into the Force, and of course this is post-Mortis so...... 👀

so this Obi-Wan, back in time, is helping Mandalore to prevent any more Sith machinations in the future, to change the future for the whole galaxy, but even before he's Chosen, he realises he's also doing all of this for Mandalore. for his own hand in its destruction, for the Jedi's hand in the Excision, for his personal connection to Satine drawing Maul to it. it's for atonement, for reparation, and also because Mandalore deserves to be saved, and Obi-Wan is in a place he can help do that. it isn't just about the health of the galaxy, anymore.

I usually shy away from having Obi-Wan leave the Order, no matter what AU I'm throwing him in because I believe in the fundamental goodness of the Order and the people in it, and Obi-Wan is fundamentally a Jedi, one of the best, one of the best. however, in this case, I don't think he can have his cake and eat it too. if Dooku had to leave the Order to accept his countship, then Obi-Wan would have to leave to become Mand'alor. Jedi are (supposed to be) politically neutral, and Obi-Wan is all too aware he'd nullified his own neutrality the moment he decided to go for Keldabe to find Jango.

one of my favorite... tropes? in time travel fic is Obi using his future fellow councilmembers' access codes to get into things he shouldn't, and he certainly knows how to work the Order's internal systems in his favor, so he

wait so i was gonna have him go in and tender his resignation from the Order directly into the systems, and backdate it for before the Mandalore mission, so that anything he's done on Mandalore so far cannot be blamed on the Jedi BUT WHAT IF he just. deletes himself. like completely. from admin to the Archives to the crèche's own internal systems to the Shadow's private servers, Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a Jedi, was never a Temple bastard, was never Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan. his mission records are all in Qui-Gon's name now, his medical file simply doesn't exist, his crècheling clan is listed as simply having been a person short compared to other clans that year. he goes so far as to delete comm histories with him or mentioning him, it's like Obi-Wan Kenobi just doesn't exist anymore.

he does this first thing after leaving Jango, he spends the entire week back to Mandalore ensuring he's been completely erased from absolutely anything relating to the Jedi, and then uses his future councilmember knowledge (and lessons from Quinlan) to erase himself from Republic systems, too. any planet he'd helped as a padawan will suddenly have no records of him as having been there with his master, so the senate or Order can't subpoena them for the info, though Obi-Wan knows he can't have gotten everything (such as any planet not in the Republic, or who don't have holonet access to their files, or both, like Melida/Daan), but he figures he's done enough to absolve the Order if anyone comes knocking about what he's doing.

he buries his lightsaber in the deserts of Mandalore, not knowing that in his old future, he'd have done the same on Tatooine.

so as far as the Jedi are aware: Obi-Wan went on a mission with Qui-Gon that (predictably) went to hell, got separated from his master for weeks to months, then suddenly changed, at the same time their Jedi with the highest prescience collapsed due to his visions, which have also changed. Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon behind to hightail it through the Mandalore sector, and Qui-Gon couldn't catch up or find him, and then Obi-Wan disappeared from anyone's radars for two weeks. then Qui-Gon senses him reenter the Mandalore system, right before breaking his training bond with him, and the Order wakes up to Obi-Wan completely erased from their systems like he never existed in the first place. everything is going so so wrong, and yet. and yet.

and yet the Force is telling them all that this is right, that this is the least Dark course of action, that whatever Obi-Wan is doing is indeed the Will of the Force

so the Order mourns one of their own, and tells Qui-Gon to let him go. and then the Order ups their cyber security because what.

i think he leaves an unsigned letter/comm message for a few people. Bant, Quinlan, Mace, Feemor, his old crèchemaster, Yoda, maybe Jocasta Nu. it's short, basically thanking them for their hand in his upbringing (Feemor hasn't even met him before so is very confused by this), apologising for leaving abruptly, but to follow the Will of the Force, he had to leave; the first part of the message is all the same, but ends with little individual notes. he apologises to Madam Nu for fucking with her archives and hopes she can one day forgive him; he asks her to keep her friends close and to mend the tension between her and Dooku, that Obi-Wan should not know about. He tells Yoda that the future is always in motion but they must move with it; he asks Yoda to meditate on his dwindling lineages and learn to accept all that he cannot control. He reminds Quinlan to wear his gloves and asks him to thank Tholme for looking out for him when Qui-Gon wouldn't or didn't; he thanks him for their years together, and asks him to check in on Feemor every now and then. He apologises to Mace for all the shatter-points he likely caused and will continue to cause, and suggests he put a permanent reminder in his comm to remember to refill his migraine prescription that sixteen year-old Obi should not know about. He asks Bant to look out for a young Togruta initiate that will join in seven years, and suggests Bant might like the healer track rather than the knight corps; he thanks her for being his longest and most dearly-held friend. He thanks his crèchemaster for realising his visions were more than dreams (which will inadvertently lend credence to that theory for why Obi-Wan changed so suddenly), for supporting him when Bruck was at his nastiest, and for always being someone he could turn to even after he became a padawan. For Feemor, Obi-Wan apologises that they hadn't had the chance to meet before then, and for the relationship they won't have anymore; Feemor has no idea who this message is from, until he starts hearing the gossip that Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Order again. He too mourns never getting to know his padawan brother.

and Obi-Wan sends Qui-Gon a message, of course, thanking him for his teachings, apologising for "leading him on" as an apprentice, leaving and coming back so many times only to permanently leave this time. he reminds Qui to reach out to his friends and his support system, asks him to at least consider talking to a mind or soul healer about Xanatos (knowing that once it gets out that Obi-Wan is a planetary leader, it will likely badly trigger Qui-Gon), and asks him to at least try and mend his relationship with Dooku, though understands if that's not something Qui-Gon is willing to do. asks him to keep Satine safe, but to deeply think about why the Republic is so intent on helping her faction, and why Qui-Gon had questioned so little of the New Mandalorian ethos.

so by the time Obi-Wan finds the Old Guard, he's broken from the Order completely, has buried his saber, has broken his training bond, has cut his braid. I think he shaves his head entirely to let it grow out at the same rate, because the padawan cut is *Eliot Spencer voice* Very Distinctive. he paints his armour white for, yes, his men, his vod'e, but also for cin vhetin. he can't be the man he was before, nor the teen he was before, neither are who Mandalore needs, and as long as he can stay true to his morals and upbringing, he will be what Mandalore needs him to be.

okay now onto the Manda vs. the Ka'ra vs. the Force. the Force is a scientific concept of an energy connecting absolutely everything in the universe, and the Jedi have a religious view on the scientific concept. for both purposes, the Force just is. I really like the idea of other non-Jedi ideas just being different aspects of the Force, different religions and cultures based on the same scientific concepts. for Mandalorians, their "aspect" of the Force is the Manda, the collective souls of every Mando'ade that's ever marched on. just what it means to be Mando'ade has varied greatly through history, and is varied between different groups even now, but none of that changes what the Manda is, which is an aspect of the Force only Mando'ade can touch. sort of like their beliefs of it being separate from the Force have made it so?

now I haven't really talked about this before, but from the beginning of me writing Mandalorian related things, i've separated Ka'ra from ka'ra, which was a little bit me misremembering there was another term for "stars", and then it became it's own thing. kar, meaning "star", with it's plural kar'e or kare, to me, means physical stars, the way we'd call our sun a star. ka'ra, uncapitalised, is the more poetic and/or spiritual "stars", the way we might say something is "written in the stars", which actually aligns with how jate'kara is spelled; for my writing, i've used this form for Mandalorian Force-sensitives being Star-touched ka'ra-touched. Ka'ra, capitalised, is that "ruling council of fallen kings", the Mandalorian myth and it, the way I've always interpreted it, is a separate part of the Manda made up of specifically the souls of every Mand'alor already marched on. So, Tor Vizsla could have joined the Manda after death, but not the Ka'ra; make sense? all that ka'ra vs Ka'ra worldbuilding was done very early in my writing for star wars, and has since expanded to include the idea of the Manda as something separate, and I would now actually consider Manda-touched over Star-touched to describe Force sensitive Mando'ade, because that's really what I think Mandalorians would consider causes their supernatural powers: ancestors rather than the stars.

so what does that mean for this fic? the Manda is directly influenced by all those that consider themselves Mandalorian, Force-sensitive or not. it is, however, not affected by New Mandalorians, unless they worship the Manda in some facsimile, and I think many, many, many do not, not the way they were raised to. this worship looks different for every clan and every individual, and I've always interpreted it as more of a broad spiritual practice across the whole culture rather than a religion, per se, the way a real-world broader culture might pray at shrines at New Years even if individuals themselves or their family aren't religious. this is what I'm referencing when I say the Will of the People: the alive Mando'ade and their choices and emotions affecting and influencing the Manda, the collective amalgamation of every passed-on Mando'ade, and it's when these two are in tandem that they "pick" a Mand'alor. HOWEVER, such a pick is also up to the Ka'ra, the Mand'alor'e that have all marched on; to one day enter the Ka'ra themselves, a Mand'alor must be "picked" by both the People/the Manda, and the Ka'ra. Tor would be "picked" by a significant part of the People and the Manda, and so would Jaster have been, but (according to me, myself, and i, obviously), only Jaster had been chosen by the Ka'ra. Pre is "Mand'alor" only in name, only in a tenuous loyalty existing in House Vizsla and Death Watch, not even by the Manda; just simple human (et al) loyalty. Jango had a weaker "pick" from the Manda than Jaster did, but was picked by the Ka'ra, meaning if he did not declare himself dar'manda (even just internally; I don't think he's ever said it out loud), he would have joined the Ka'ra after death; if he ever reconnects with himself as a Mandalorian, I like to think he'd have that chance again. Canon Jango, though, who went on to make the clones? Absolutely not.

what does this all mean for Obi-Wan? he'd spent weeks inadvertently drumming up support in the people and therefore the Manda, and maybe most haven't really looked at him and thought "sure I'd follow him as Mand'alor", but they have looked at him and thought "that one has mandokar, that one wants what's best for Mandalore, that one is touched by destiny". I dunno, man, like. Obi-Wan is their hope before he is their leader. That will make all the difference when he does end up uniting them. His searching out Jango had made Jango finally confront that he feels dar'manda, until then he hadn't really lost the Ka'ra's support, but that severs that connection. and now the Ka'ra are without a Mand'alor, but look at that, there's a mandokar'la little idiot right there, already strong in the Manda, already rallying hope and purpose, already so invested in the nurturing and the future of Mandalore, how could the Ka'ra not choose him?

I posed the question previously whether or not Mando'ade can tell who has been chosen to be Mand'alor, and I think I've ironed out what that'll mean for this fic. non-Force sensitive Mando'ade will have this sense when near their Mand'alor, a subconscious and inherent trust in them, and indeed, some will be disturbed by this and fight it. that's alright, that's their right. Some never clock this extra sense, some are aware of it always, some just chalk it up to "gut feelings" and the like. The more spiritual or religious Mandos maybe put a little more stock in this feelings, I think especially goran'e and other spiritual leaders, but the fact that the Manda can technically pick more than one person at a time (like Tor and Jaster, and then Jango), this extra sense isn't a perfect indicator of a properly chosen Manda'lor.

now. what about Force sensitive Mando'ade? Well, the Manda is an aspect of the Force, and is in fact how said Force sensitive Mando'ade connect to the Force, by going through the Manda, first. their relationship with sensitivity is inherently different from others in the galaxy, at least those that connect to it directly. they are the ones that can sense or see if someone is chosen by the Ka'ra, depending on their sensitivity. Some see the ghostly line of previous Mand'alor'e stretched out behind them (like the Avatar cycle lmao), some see a wavering crown of stars around their head, some just sense there is a duplicity (/neutral) to their Force presence that doesn't exist in anyone else. how common is Force sensitivity in Mandalorian space? not fuckin very. Jaster had three in his entire faction of aprox. 2 million (fanon number), at least that were aware they were sensitive. Jango only had a few more, and only because he had gained a couple hundred thousand more followers before Galidraan. so i'll make the nearly-arbitrary number that Force sensitive Mandos are 1 in 1,000,000, across the entire sector. by some calculations, in the whole galaxy at around the time of the Clone Wars the number of Force sensitives is 1 in 5,000,000 but these calculations do not generally include societies and species with a near or 100% chance of Force sensitivity, because we simply don't have the data for it. does this all make Mandos slightly more likely to be Force sensitive than others, by my own numbers? sorta. which i'm making an issue of underreporting, based on Mandalore not being a part of the Republic, and also contention with the Jedi and Sith; they don't consider those Manda-touched to be Force sensitive, and with the way I've built this, they aren't exactly wrong.

for the purposes of this story, there are maybe eight Manda-touched Mando'ade in the Mandalore system at this time, and all but one are goran'e. that single non-armorer is part of the Old Guard. I have the roster for the Old Guard decided, so I'm debating whether the Manda-touched one is Cort Davin (a journeyman protector), or one of the women. Instinct wants Vhonte Tervho, but I have plans for her to be related to the goran Obi-Wan got his armour done by, who I wanted to be one of the seven Force sensitive armorers, soooo. lmao how fucked would it be if Isabet Reau is the Force sensitive one? I like the angst of that, since I definitely do not plan on redeeming her, but I kind of want the only Old Guard that can sense Obi-Wan is Chosen by the Ka'ra to be really quiet and accepting of it, while everyone else is arguing. hmmm I have an unnamed Wren as part of the Guard, that I haven't fleshed anything out for yet; perhaps them?

okay I think I've solidified what it makes a Mandalorian, at least for the function of this fic. it is tied to the Resol'nare, and following it, which does allow those who had Chosen Tor Vizsla as their Mand'alor to technically still be following the Resol'nare, and are therefore not dar'manda. at least not for that. but part of the reason the Resol'nare is even able to determine who has a Mandalorian soul, is because they believe it does. Those alive and those dead influence the functionality and reality of the Manda, which also allows for those pre-Resol'nare to still exist in the Manda. What causes someone to become dar'manda, if they are technically following the Resol'nare?

maybe it's reductive, or over-simplified, or maybe even too broad, but it makes sense to me and allows for many many different types of people to still fail, and this is obviously not the only way to become dar'manda, but one thing that will always strip someone of their Mando soul? treatment of children. caring for children. not harming children. this allows many of Death Watch to still maintain their Mando souls, but still be fucked up awful people in other ways. It allows even True Mandalorians to have lost their souls and not realised it because they otherwise adhered to the Resol'nare, because they'd chosen to interpret "defending oneself and family" and "raising your children as Mandalorians" to not include other peoeple's children. Or maybe they were abusive in the belief they were caring for their children. This would also make every single one of the Cuy'val Dar dar'manda, which I think is a fascinating concept.

to answer your question directly, no, one cannot look at someone and know they're dar'manda, even the Force/Manda sensitive ones. one will only know in death, whether or not they have a place in the Manda.

NOW what does this mean for New Mandalorians?? well, by technicality and the way I've set the Manda up, one can interpret the Resol'nare in ways that could align with New Mandos. Perhaps they interpret "armour" as more than specifically "beskar'gam", maybe they wear armourweave or other protective fabrics. Maybe they interpret "defending one's family" as putting down arms instead of raising them, in order to create a peaceful future for their children. I think there are plenty of New Mandos that technically tick off all the boxes, and believe in themselves and their fellows so much that the Manda is like "yeah sure why not, we'll make that count". I think some tenants are more easily... bent, like swearing to the duchy in place of the Mand'alor, but I think an easy one New Mandos miss, is "speak Mando'a." I think many New Mandos were all too quick to switch to Basic for everything except religious and spiritual ceremonies, and I think those already in the Manda would find that very hard to forgive. I actually get into this a little in Dha Kar'ta very soon, but for this fic, i'll have Satine not outright outlawing Mando'a, but it is socially heavily discouraged. you're not allowed to speak it in the palace unless in aforementioned ceremonies, you cannot fill out paperwork in anything but Basic, you're not allowed to use Mando'a titles (including Mand'alor), you're not allowed to teach it to your children. no outright like. punishments for speaking it in public, but if your kids are caught, there are repercussions, including investigation into how else you're raising your kids, and if you're found to be doing anything else, they can take your kids from you. not every New Mando agrees with this, of course, and go about adhering to the Resol'nare as best they can in secret, but so many do give up the language by convincing themselves it's not as important as the other tenants and, well, the duchy hasn't steered them all wrong yet, has it?

okay so on the subject of what the outside galaxy is seeing. I like the headcanon/trope/idea of like. the one thing all factions of Mandalorians agreeing on is fuck everyone else. oh, the New Mandos will emulate the Core and the Republic, but they aren't the Republic nor want to be, and this animosity extends to keeping as many internal Mandlorian issues just that: internal. no faction can keep news from leaving the system or the sector, obviously, but there also isn't a lot of interest in Mandalorian news? "oh look all the Mandos are fighting again", except that's been the standard for like. actual thousands of years. I like when fic have people outside the sector not evening knowing there are different factions, so I'll be doing that here, too, and I like the idea of non-Republic sectors having their own holonets, separate from the Republic one. so like, if Obi-Wan happens to go a little viral during his mad dash to Keldabe, that would be on the Mandalorian holonet, not the Republic one, so even if Obi-Wan was visibly still a Jedi (and he wasn't), actual news of him wouldn't reach the Mid and Inner Rims until like. possible years after it happens.

could this maybe be expedited by Sith machinations? absolutely, though I'm not sure I want to go that route, since I don't think the Sith are overmuch interested in Mandalore at this point, at least not in any hands-on capacity. I'm unclear on whether them funding Death Watch is fanon or not, but it is a headcanon I subscribe to, and I think they'd have stopped funding DW after Galidraan, to cause worse infighting and prevent DW from gaining enough power to actually restart their imperial conquering days. Palpatine has been senator for about ten years by this point, but has very little political power overall, and Demask would be looking basically anywhere but Mandalore at this point in time, both of them having written it off until they actively need something from the sector. if anyone had clocked Obi-Wan as a Jedi, this all would have gone very differently, news would have spread much further and quicker and I think undoubtedly would have reached Palpatine, but since I have Obi-Wan just... cutting ties to anything Jedi, news of him remains in-sector. is this perhaps unrealistic? maybe, but I kind of want to focus on Mandalore and not worry about galactic-wide politics for once, lmao, actually very much like Obi-Wan is doing. however, he will clock a lack of Sith interference and thinks That's Very Weird.

haven't decided how he finds Palpatine out yet, but I think it'll have to do with his Manda senses being different than his Force ones, maybe the Ka'ra even gives him a few tips or gifts to sense Sith since they've allied and fought with them so much in the past. regardless, that'll be after he's become Mand'alor and united the clans.

now to actual plot progression! Obi-Wan meets up with the Old Guard, they don't know what to make of him other than "he's kriffing weird. and young. and creepy. and probably Manda-touched." whatever other verd is Manda-touched will see him blessed by the Ka'ra, which causes them to look inwards more closely and realise they trust Obi-Wan inexplicably, which means they're blessed by the Manda and the Will of the People, too. they wonder if Obi-Wan has noticed, if any of the other Old Guard have noticed. they are one of a few that notice Obi-Wan sneaking back out while everyone is arguing.

Vhonte Tervho is another. She's at this lil summit to represent clan Tervho, tho isn't the clan head, because her ba'vodu, a Manda-touched goran, had sensed she needed to be at the summit. said ba'vodu is of course the armorer who reforged Obi-Wan's armour (need to find a name for them hmm), who had told their clan they were to cease fighting until their new Mand'alor called on them. Vhonte sees Obi-Wan, realises at the same time as everyone that he's the Kih'Manda, the Mand'ika that the entire system had been gossiping about for weeks, and she thinks of what her ba'vodu said. she looks inwards, like they had taught her to, and finds, yes, she trusts Obi-Wan, just like she used to trust Jango. And, well, her Mand'alor is obviously leaving to go do something, and she isn't going to let him go it alone.

the Manda-touched verd doesn't go with them, wanting to see what comes of this, but they already know Obi-wan is Ka'ra Chosen. they will come when he calls.

[reidsnose]

Neighborly

overview: spencer has a new upstairs neighbor who arrives at the same time as the BAUs newest agent

genre: fluff

a/n: this one isnt very romantic but i think its cuteee and could definitely maybe have a part two or something if yall want so lmk what you think :)

masterlist

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Spencer could not stand his new upstairs neighbor.

she had moved in a few months ago. he had never met her (he assumed she was a girl based on the fall of her footsteps and the music she would sometimes blast) but she always seemed to be up when he was getting home from a case. infact, she was always home when he was and she paid absolutely no heed to her downstairs neighbor when she was walking around at 2 in the morning. not that Spencer could sleep anyway, but if he could, it would be exponentially more annoying.

he assumed she was some sort of first responder, maybe a nurse or doctor, because she had incredibly weird hours. or maybe she had no job, or worked from home. after all, he had never seen her and he had no proof of whether she was home when he was not.

he would come to work and occasionally complain to the team about her, how she was walking around and keeping him up.

"why don't you knock on her door and ask her to stop? thats what i would do but all my neighbors are quiet as a mouse." you offered, spinning nonchalantly on your chair one morning.

"yeah newbie is right. just ask her." morgan agreed.

"i cant do that! that would be rude." Spencer shook his head as he spoke.

you laughed, "think of it as being neighborly."

"i dont think telling someone theyre bothering you is very neighborly." he chuckled.

"bake her a cake that says 'kindly shut the hell up' in icing."

"i cant bake!" he whined

you laughed, ruffling his hair, "i dont know what to tell you. just suffer i guess."

he groaned, stifling a smile at the obscurity of your sentence. or maybe at the entire essence of your being. you could always make him smile, and that was a difficult thing to do. you had only been welcomed to the team a few months ago but in a matter of days he decided he probably liked you best on the whole team.

you definitely felt the same about him.

after some regular banter, everyone got to work, filling out and organizing old case files. paperwork days were a breeze for Spencer, almost therapeutic. writing up a report on a case and then being done with it, never having to think about it again after that.

you were breezing through work today as well, wanting to get home as soon as you possibly could. there was a new episode of your favorite show airing tonight and you did not want to miss it. and you had another reason.

theres is a rumor in your building about an elusive man that lives in the apartment below yours. all the old women on your floor always talk about him to you. they said he's rarely home, and when he is, you wouldn't know the difference. but he's very kind, often rushing to help them up the stairs or with groceries. and apparently, you always just miss each other by a matter of minutes.

so you've been trying to arrive home at different times, switching it up by a matter of minutes. but so far that hasn't worked.

when the clock struck 5pm you were ready to practically run out of the doors of the bullpen, excited to finally be on time to watch your show and maybe hopefully run into mystery man.

the team sent you confused glances as you rushed to stuff your belongings into your bag.

"my show!" is all you said explanation, as you slung your bag across your shoulder and speed walked out of the building, "bye guys!"

"she is something," prentiss chuckled after you left, sitting on the corner of your now empty desk.

"how does she have all that energy?" morgan laughed, shaking his head slightly.

"she takes her coffee/tea [ur coffee/tea order]. and she naps all the time." spencer's responded eyes glued to his computer screen. all eyes were now on him and his vast knowledge about you. he looked up and felt his face flush, "i- i think." he looked back at his computer in attempt to hide his embarrassment, "or maybe she just doesn't have an annoying upstairs neighbor keeping her up."

a couple of snickers followed as they dispersed back to their seats and began getting ready to go home as well. Spencer thought about his neighbor, wondering if he hurried home, maybe she wouldn't be there yet.

so he packed up and began heading out, hopping on the train and wondering if his hypothesis would be correct.

it wasn't.

when he got home he heard the rhythmic stomping of his upstairs neighbor dancing. he rolled his eyes; she was dancing to some short song that was likely the intro to a tv show. he sighed. there was no point in complaining now, it wasn't late at night and she turned down her tv volume once the song was done.

he collapsed exhausted on the couch, turning on some quiet piano as his eyes drooped closed.

your show finished after an hour and you started getting a little sleepy so you decided to take a nap on your couch.

you weren't sure how much time had passed but you woke up on the floor, your hip aching. you had fallen off of your couch in your sleep. you groaned as you sat up.

Spencer jolted awake at the sudden thud from upstairs, his eyes shooting open and his heart racing. he wasn't sure if he was more annoyed at the fact that she woke him up, or how she woke him up. but he felt bad, it sounded like a person falling. was she ok? what if she was hurt and he was sat here rolling his eyes about it? it was very late, his clock read 1:34am.

he was curious to meet her finally...and maybe going upstairs would make her more conscious and considerate of her poor, tired downstairs neighbor.

should he check on her?

you were startled by the knock at your door, glancing over at the clock and seeing how late it was. you cursed yourself for putting an obnoxious wreath on your door because it was covering your peep hole. you grabbed a baseball bat that you kept hidden under your table.

just as Spencer was about to walk away, the door opened and his eyes gazed up from the floor to finally see the face of his insufferable upstairs neighbor.

"Spencer? are you alright? come in. what are you doing at my house in the middle of the night?" you chuckled, tossing the baseball bat aside.

"no way.." he breathed in utter disbelief, looking around for a roommate that could be the one making all the noise.

"um...what?" you furrowed your eyebrows.

his mind moving a mile a minute and suddenly it all made sense. the music was the same as what you played in the car because it was your playlist. the steps were obviously female because they were yours that he'd often heard echo around the office. and you had never crossed paths because he took the train, and you took your car, so you would never leave at the same time. and you were always home when he was because you'd come back from cases at weird hours.

"i should have baked you a cake," he said finally breaking the silence.

you let out a confused laugh, "why?"

"so i could write 'kindly shut the hell up' on it with icing." he laughed as your eyes widened as your brain connected the dots.

"IM THE ANNOYING UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR?!" your hand flew to cover your mouth, embarrassed at your volume level this late at night.

"i cant believe i didn't connect the dots!" he laughed, dumbfounded.

"wait.." your eyes grew impossibly wider, "if i'm you're annoying upstairs neighbor...that makes you mystery man!"

"mystery man?"

"can i explain tomorrow its like ass o'clock in the morning right now."

he laughed, "yes but only because someone woke me up from my nap."

"i was just being neighborly."

"mhm," he hummed.

you were sleepily staring at each other, dopey smiles complimenting the comfortable silence settling in the air. the sudden butterflies erupting in your stomach startled you into breaking the silence.

"goodnight Spencer," you whispered.

"goodnight y/n." he smiled, giving a small wave before heading down the stairs back to his own apartment.

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ultra mega super cool taglist:

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @coffeereid-deactivated20210303 @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9

[goldfishundercover]

mcu spiderman agere headcanons/drabbles!!!! (part 1?)

characters in this: peter parker and ned leeds! (mentions of mj and aunt may, but barely)

just rewatched most mcu stuff and i had a great idea, soooo heres me rambling about peter parker as an age regressor! i have a feeling ill do another with just some misc. thoughts about lil peter, but who knows!

also also also, of course we are ignoring canon bc why would i pay attention to that when i can have fluff and hurt/comfort

cw for impure regression, panic attacks, and general canon typical angsty stuff! probably not good to read if youre regressed rn!

(this is just based off of how i regress! may not be accurate for everyone!)

(also this is probably ooc? but i mean,,, THIS IS MY BLOG AND REALITY IS WAHT I MAKE IT!)

peter started regressing (unknowingly) after the events of spiderman: homecoming, after all the stuff with vulture.

its mostly involuntary, usually happening after nightmares, panic attacks or ptsd episodes (when its a negative trigger)

other times when peter involuntarily regresses, its from sleepovers with ned or mj, movie nights with aunt may, etc. it isnt all bad!

his first times regressing were late at night after nightmares about vulture. he woke up scared and panicking, but suddenly his brain ended up feeling super fuzzy. as much as it helped, it also scared peter at first. he felt small and like he couldn't protect himself.

the way that ned found out was from a sleepover they had at peters. peter woke up having a panic attack. and after ned calmed him down, he realized peter was acting very childish. chewing on his hoodie strings, clinging to ned and slurring his words.

ned spent time after peter fell asleep researching for why peter was acting like a kid, ending up on some tumblr blog explaining "age regression". when peter woke up he was really embarrassed to find out he acted like a toddler im front of his best friend, but glad that he finally had a name for what had been happening. ned was really supportive and even encouraged it.

after that ned became the main person he would call or talk to when he regressed. ned was surprisingly good with kids and small peter really liked him! during one of their sleepovers, ned surprised peter with a sippy cup and a stuffed animal, which big peter was kinda embarrassed about ajhsjshdhsgshf (they totally didnt end up being small peters comfort items when small, definitely not/sa)

ned made sure peter knew that he could call him anytime he regressed, which usually ended up being late at night.

ned as a caregiver (?) is very much new mother vibes. constantly worrying over peter when he got the slightest upset and being really scared hes gonna mess up. (peter always tells ned hes doing great, when hes big)

ONTO GENERAL HEADCANONS!!!!

peters favorite shows when small are older 2000s shows, bc that what he watched when he was a kid. (fosters home for imaginary friends, codename knd, blues clues, oswald, jenny the teenage robot, MUPPET STUFF he would love muppets stuff, i know bc he told me himself/j)

peter wears big hoodies and fuzzy socks when hes small (pants? who knows).

his favorite activity is playing with legos and coloring (both things supplied by ned and aunt may [ill get into aunt may after this])

peters super clingy when little. will cry if hes not koala clinging to someone. im half joking but also he WILL start whining until someone hugs him.

(if this gets any attention ill write a one-shot maybe,,, mayhaps,,, perhaps,,,,,)

[retelling-of-ragnarok]

❆ ᴇᴠʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴡᴇɴ ʀᴀᴍʙʟᴇꜱ #1 ❆

✰ tell me your character’s art school major and i’ll ramble about the kinds of interactions they could have with my character✰

@golden--requiem

❆ be warned: i have never had a coherent thought in my life but i think these two are NEAT ❆

❆ anyway hello yeah a college au with these two would be so fun. gwen definitely walked in on evy staying late after school, and caught a glimpse of a painting she was working on as was like?? blown away? like yeah sure they’re already appreciative and passionate abt art anyway? but seeing evy’s painting was like.

“oh damn i might shed a tear.”

i could be so wrong rn but i feel like evy really pours so much emotion into her paintings? like none of her paintings look too similar because its like?? idk some deep emotional shit brain doesnt work the point is that gwen LOVES her art.

so imagine being evy rn. you’re cleaning up from a hard day’s work. and probably not expecting to be BARGED IN ON by some random student— let alone the one people keep trying to crowd and pick fights with? and they’re staring so hard and her works too??

no ‘hellos’ no ‘how are yous’ gwen straight up goes “stay after school tomorrow too.” and leaves. NO SOCIAL SKILLS ASS MF. like yeah they’re all cool and suave but when they’re interested in something? they’re fr just. AWKWARD. no sense of making friends or anything bruh.

they def keep going on like that. and eventually gwen starts ACTUALLY talking instead of just watching. probably perched on one of the counters and looking all engaged. again making friends is still kinda hard for them— they’re normally so used to persuading people to either leave them alone or do things for them. but w evy its like “hmbmgn how long have you paint? why do you paint? OH WHAT COLOUR IS THAT—“

theyre friends. again since people in gwen’s class, and some of the other fine arts students, actively try to mess with them— gwen kinda has this permanent scowl on their face? or at least they’re not approachable. so imagine all the other students seeing them go from “>:|” to “:D” - LORD.

evy definitely helps gwen with their final, even though she’s probably stressing over HERS as well.

gwen: “bUT YOUR BRAIN SO LARGE? HELP? PLEASE?”

evy: “?!!?!!!!!?!”

gwen has so many ideas but sometimes they don’t come out the way they want them to and they def cry to evy when this happens. sobbing uncontrollably like. sniffling and sulking in the corner and shit.

gwen: “my brain is broken..”

evy: “i’m sure it isnt that bad ‘^^ “

gwen: “ofc its not bad its HORRIBLE.” fucking wailing and shit

evy: “oh dear!!!!!!!”

gwen loves loves loves evy’s colour usage. its so evocative and leaves them like “oh damn where those my feelings or the ones she wanted me to feel?” def took some notes from her. sure everyone considers gwen the top student in their respective class, but evy’s pieces?? have them in tears.

gwen doesn’t really hang out with her much outside of school?? bc theyre not familiar with all of that— but i feel like evy would invite them out and they’d be like. “okay.”

def holds her sleeve in public bc they hate being in a place w so many eyes. like boy how do you aspire to be a famous artist but hate attention 🤨 ANYWAYS BUT THEY ENDURE IT. bc time with evy turns out to be a ton of fun— even when art isn’t involved.

bestest of friendships blossoms i swear.

LITERALLY NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE— but i think these two are so fun and cute. lil art school buddies. OFC IF YOU WANT MORE I CAN DEF RAMBLE MORE. its like 2:15 in the am and my brain is like “mfnm” so all i can provide are incoherent rambles.

IF YOU WANNA ADD OR CORRECT ANYTHING PLS FEEL FREE. ❆

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Recently saw a tiktok that was like "if you ship [toph and zuko] than you have issues or you see something galaxy brained that i havent" and stumbled upon the concept of aroace Zuko and i concocted this idea ages ago so im posting it now: the epic Toph x Zuko Marriage of Convenience 

Okay what you are all thinking of is book 3 Toph and Zuko, which totally dont have romantic chemistry and with the added age difference is prob why no one ever considers this ship. Four years when you're a teenager is a big difference. Four years when you're in your twenties and beyond isnt that big a deal. So they're adults and they've been friends for years at this point.

You also gotta sit back and look at what they are. Toph is the only child to a very rich and very well known Earth Kingdom family. Her family name in general is huge and carries a lot of weight but you also got her own accomplishments: Master Earthbender, the Creator of Metalbending, the Avatar's Earthbending teacher, and shes a war hero. Thats big. And then you got Zuko, who at this point is the Fire Lord. Zuko himself comes from a prominent Fire Nation family, seeing as he's royalty. He's also descended from a Avatar, but i dont think thats all that well known. Zuko is a Master Firebender, the Avatar's Firebending Teacher, and a war hero. On top of being famous both these people have credibility to fall back on.

So what im leaning into here is not exactly a marriage alliance seeing as the Earth Kingdom has its own royalty but its definitely a political move

Anyways Zuko has a lot on his plate, dismantling his dad's empire and all that. When he's nearing 30 the council is all like "you need to find a bride". Zuko writes up his ex-girlfriends and finds out they're either married or he just cant bring himself to trap someone into a marriage with him after knowing how it destroyed his mom. So he's stuck with no one of his own choosing so the council and high up nobles are trying to fix him up and not-so-subtly set him up with their daughters. Half of Team Avatar comes and visits (lets say Toph, Aang, and Sokka) and witness the behind the scenes of all this. They're having tea with Zuko and two people come in at different times and try to casually talk about the marriage thing. Toph can hear things that happen in the hallways too. Zuko is all "noooooooo guys why is this happening to me" and Sokka probably finds it funny but also a little sucky, and Aang probably hates it because "Zuko should marry for love!". And Toph is all "I know right" because she can totally relate. Her parents were looking for matches for her since she was born, and now that shes visiting again they've started back up again. Her and Zuko start swapping match-making stories ("so i come home and this boy and his father are there and my mom is all like 'Toph have you met __'" "I'm in the throne room for a meeting on road construction and this guy derails the whole thing so he can introduce his niece to me"). Later on after Toph has been listening in on the palace for a few days now and shes starting to really feel sorry for Zuko. Sokka just keeps making jokes until Toph snaps at him. Aang is pretty oblivious and probably spends all day at the market looking for souvenirs to bring home for Katara. And one night while Zuko is up late doing paperwork by candle light Toph stops by because her body cant sleep at night sometimes and they get to talking and Toph jokingly throws out "what if we just married each other? Then everyone will get off both our backs!" and they're laughing and after they've calmed down Zuko has a light bulb moment and he's like "wait, that might not be a bad idea". They spend all night working out the details to their hypothetical wedding and a day later decide to actually go through with it. Theres uproar from the council of course because Zuko didnt choose their pick Toph isnt Fire Nation nobility. And then Zuko starts listing all her family's importance and stuff and the council is forced to admit to themselves its not actually a bad idea. Plus marrying Earth Kingdom would make the Fire Lord more relatable to the colonies where theyre having a lot of problems with people of mixed heritage right now. Sokka and Aang hear rumblings of this because palace servants gossip and they're debating wether or not to believe these rumors when they run into Toph and just ask her and shes all like "yeah we're talking about it" and they boys flip out. Aang still maintains that everyone should marry for love but Toph and Zuko won't budge.

Over in the Earth Kingdom Toph's parents are ecstatic because the only better option Toph could marry was Earth Kingdom royalty. They completely endorse it and only argue to not seem like pushovers and when topics revolving money come up (ex. dowery). The Earth King gets in on this because its too good a opportunity to not capitalize on it. The Earth Kingdom is abuzz because a foreign King is marrying one of their own. Everyone is hyped and Team Avatar are the only ones who find the whole situation weird because to them its not a fairytale its their actual friends.

All-in-all they get married in the Fire Nation and the guest list was awful to make but people from all over the world are there. Toph's mother freaks out the whole time because "what if Toph falls down all those steps!" The wedding is mostly all Fire Nation tradition but Toph wears a Earth Kingdom wedding dress because everything is political now. Toph and Zuko have a relatively fun night and Sokka has the time of his life. And their marriage actually really works out for them because they're friends. They make fun of fancy people and rant to each other in the evenings. Toph is still running metal bending schools but either now they have to come to her or she gets stuck with a Fire Nation security team for like 3 months of the year she spends in the Earth Kingdom and she gets flashbacks to her childhood. And Zuko is sometimes all "i miss my wife" and the servants are all "awwww they're so in love" but the truth is he wants to talk sh*t with her and because shes blind he always has to write letters with the interpreter's opinion/gossip in mind. Toph still sneaks out all the time because shes not giving up her independence willy-nilly and is not above pulling the blind card to get out of things, which irritates Zuko sometimes because that means he has to deal with boring meetings by himself. They gaang visits all the time and by the time Republic City rolls around Toph manages to get herself sent as a "ambassador" (her and Sokka have some fun their shared meetings) and then to stay on to help set up the police force, which is a little dicy since shes representing the Fire Nation but also shes teaching only metalbending so its a controversial thing. This also gives Zuko a excuse to visit Republic City more often so he can see everyone since they settled down there.

[ushiwakaout]

parings: Kenma x reader, Oikawa x reader

warning: Fluff, bad grammar. nsfw under black line. fem reader. TIME SKIP HAIKYUU

a/n: request are open! please don’t be afraid to do so!

Kozume Kenma

Match made in heaven

Both of you are at home workers, other than the fact that kenma is a CEO of his own company

You work for him, you’re his editor and you work pretty fast since you obviously do nothing in your day but edit and binge watch anime

you guys could probably go days without talking and just communicate physically and understand everything.

If you go to the store, and he’s gaming that’s when you’ll talk

Always knock before you go into his little studio room

You never come behind him anymore because one time he was filming a scary gameplay with a heart monitor and everyone thought you gave him a heart attack 

but no, kenma is just baby and you wanted a good laugh- you felt really bad about it tho bc it was live and you where crying your ass off and he was yelling at you 

fake breakup video like the next day for trolling

Okaya anywho

if you want his attention and he’s live, you remove one side of his headset and kiss his cheek (theres a several compilation videos of you doing that all over youtube) “I’m going to the store, you want anything?” 

you always wait like 30 seconds and caress him a little to let him know you’re physically there and not just standing there.

“Uh- yeah... yeah. Hold on.” (there is also a compilation of kenma just ignoring you and you just standing there until he answers) 

you always end up naming his favorite snacks, drinks and food and he either agrees or denies. 

everyone thinks its weird how your relationship works

SOME MANY VIDEOS OF “kenma and y/n communicating without any words” 

you go many places by yourself since kenma does very long streams or just long videos

you both stay up really late together

if hes not making videos hes looking at paperwork and if hes not doing that he’s helping you edit

somehow kenma is the more productive one

you have channel yourself that slowly grows thanks to kenma

you only do lives and leave up the whole streams bc you dread editing but you’ll do anything for kenma

just to make extra cash you have and OF

most of the videos consist of watching you play video game while kenma eats you out under the desk

a lot of audios because kenma doesn’t like being his face filmed while having sex

theres a video in your own OF when you do a tik tok trend where you surprise him while he’s filming 

“Kenma can you help me for a second.”

“Hmm, what is it kitten?” 

He paused his game and while his chair turned you undid your robe

Luckly he’s not live and kept the camera on

He just smiles and spreads his legs for you

(gdiewgsfiuchsiufviusdghvypofgsivhrwshb my brain is malfunctioning ugh im so in love with kenma its not even funny)

He makes you sit on his lap, as he suckles your nipple in his mouth. 

His hand firmed tightly around your rips as he kisses every inch of your chest

“You’re so pretty... So fucking pretty.” He mumbles. He’s kissing down your chest all the way to your tummy before picking you up and making you stand 

He makes you stand in front of the camera while stands behind you and kisses the crook of your neck. 

“I want you to look in the camera for me kitten, can you do that?” He kisses her jaw “Can you be a good girl for me?”

(wow if i write any more smut for kenma i think i might go crazy jskwbvbdei)

sex is very much a frequent thing, most of the time it starts as cock warming while watching a movie and two second later your begging to milk kenmas cock again

he loves when you beg for his cock, makes him feel wanted

he loves feeling your tight pussy clench around him when hes about to cum and you’re cumming for the third time, panting, begging, crying to having him fill you up with his hot cum.

Blow jobs under his desk or while hes on an important call are a must.

you love watching his cock slowly twitch with pre cum when you lick his shaft

mmm i need to stop- i love him so much ugh

Oikawa Tooru 

Being lazy in argentina was a dream but a little lonely

Tooru was always away at practive but lcukly the apartment he had been renting had a pool, and you spend most of your days at the pool, reading or playing some game he just bought you

you hate how early he freaking wakes up

hes making breakfast and blending shakes at like 5 in the morning 

there’s days he doesn’t really mean to wake you, you know the difference bc if he wants to wake you he’ll leave the blender run for a while and if h doesn’t he does it in seperate pulses so it’s not so damn loud

if he does it on purpose, he has breakfast ready for you before his own

doesn’t expect you to stick around after you eat 

when he wakes you on accident he’s like “Oh my baby i’m so sorry honey.” 

cue kiss attacks, warm hugs and him making you a cup of coffee/tea, whatever you prefer that morning

he’s so sweet

he knows you work hard too (even tho it doesn’t seem like it bc people think youtubers and streamers have an easy job when it clearly is mentally very stressful)

He knows that when he wakes you up, you had legit just gone to bed like two hours ago. 

sometimes you sleep though the noise and before he leaves he wakes you up just a little so he can kiss you goodbye.

its always something like *shake* *shake* “Baby.... honey”  *caressing of the head/cheek/hair* “I gotta go to practice now, give me a kiss princess.” you always wake up to the sound of that and give his a really sweet and tender kiss. Oikawa really just wants to fall back asleep with you and hold you, especially today since it was a cold morning

after you give him the kiss, you caress his cheek and then shove him away- a little jumpy that he need to go. “Love you.” you mutter before covering yourself with the blankets 

he always slaps your ass over the blankets, it never huts but it’s just a sign of his actually leaving to practice 

You wear his stuff when he leaves

low key have attachment issues since you moved with him to Argentina

other than pool side reading, or doing a few laps before breakfast- you really don’t do anything but work.

Work for you consisted you of just playing video games or streaming

You’re popular on the female side of gamers 

sometimes you have streams where you ask your fans to play and write down their handles and you’d add them to a game or sum

Everyone knows your dating a professional volleyball player an they think it’s an interesting duo

You cry when Tooru brought Hinata over, he smelt like home

you def. helped him adjust to the life in argentina bc it’s nothing like home.

hinata comes over for dinner ever weekend

if you’re not working or at the pool, you’re in a white hoddie and some shorts, just watching Hinata play some beach volleyball while playing some game

You very much remind him of kenma- it helped a lot when he got some sick- you didn’t really ‘help’ you just cried with him about how much you miss home

although your schedule isnt the best, youre always awake when tooru gets home, always there to greet him with kisses 

hes lucky you like cooking, bc he always comes home to an empty stomach 

you’re probably the slowest cooker he knows but you take your sweet time bc you know that it always comes out w the best result and he doesnt complain anymore

baths w oikawa are frequent

muscles sores are a usual so seconds before he gets home theres a hot bath being  pampered with your love for him

you work so slow on everything hes surprised you actually get stuff done

a little offended that he doesn’t believe in your slow work ethic bc it worked since highschool.

there had been times where he just ask if you’re not ever sick of being at home locked in all day and it stated a very month long fight.

sleeping in different rooms

(LIL ANGST AHEAD)

Tooru can hear you cry from the other room

he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, he really didn’t. he just doesn’t want you to regret anything- especially moving here with him

you hate it when he questions your life ethics. it makes you feel like a failure and unworthy.

your life is simple and you like it that way but the second he questions it you think that you aren’t doing enough

will 100% sleep outside your door because he can’t sleep alone anymore. he’s gotten used to you being right next to him

you realize that it seems he’s given up so now it’s time to go to the kitchen and get water

but to your surprise tooru is very asleep on the doorframe when you open the door. it’s makes your heart ache just a little bit. he looks tired, his eyes are puffy but he looks so at peace.

you wake him up to go to bed but he has other plans.

he’s kissing you so sweetly, every piece of skin he can find he will kiss

will carry you to bed and kiss your tummy as your shirt ran a little too high

will start to kiss your inner thigh and pull down your underwear and slowly make his way up to your pussy

you’re clearly trying to shove him off (not hard enough) because you keep closing your legs and trying to push him with your foot

will spread your legs and keep his hands there to he can start eating you out

this is his apology. this his how oikawa tooru says im sorry without saying it. soft pleasuring, orgasmic sex.

his fingers are so deep in your pussy while he’s sucking on your clit. he doesn’t look at you when you cum because he feels like he doesn’t deserve to see it.

you’re begging him to look at you after he’s done fingering you so you can kiss him with your taste this lingering oh his tongue

fucks you in a matting press because when it’s slow and he’s thrusting it all in.... i don’t think he’s seen you twitch and drool so much

tooru is there to pleasure you and when he sees you cry out of the pleasure you know he’ll be forgiven when it’s over

aftercare is even better

he doesn’t make you do anything

he presses you, gives you kisses and over all will apologize verbally when you’re slowly falling asleep in his arms

[samusangel]

˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚𓆟 𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀; what happens when inarizaki’s sweetheart falls head over heels for renowned fuckboy miya atsumu?

⤿ 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲; fluff, angst

⤿ 𝗮/𝗻; everyone has a kansai accent (the reader’s accent isnt that strong at times) so dont let ur brain get jumbled. enjoy <3

⤿ 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴(??): swearing, SPOILERS!!

⤿ 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2.3k

𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼 *̣̩⋆̩☽ 

y/l/n y/n, inarizaki’s very own angel. always bubbling with excitement, always smiling. her giggles often enchant the students of inarizaki; it’s like a glimpse into heaven.

never in a million years would they have thought she’d be friends with miya atsumu. inarizaki’s very own devil in disguise. your typical heartbreaker.

if it wasn’t for kita and suna’s constant begging for her to be the manager for the volleyball club, she’d probably not even talk to him.

“y/n-chan!”

you swiftly turn on your heel, stopping the current conversation you were having with aran. atsumu’s in front of you, panting. he must’ve been running here; you put a mental note in your brain to give him water later.

“thought i’d never catch up to ya. for a shorty, yer pretty quick.” atsumu’s smiling at you, it’s the same smile he gives to every other girl. you aren’t special to him, you’re just a fling waiting to happen.

you’ve been crushing on atsumu for quite a while. maybe it’s the affection he gives you? the other boys on the volleyball team give you brotherly love, you even call kita nii-san sometimes. but atsumu? his affection gave the intentions that he was interested in you. the same affectionate ways your friends’ boyfriends gave them. but you think again. this is miya atsumu, a playboy at it’s finest. he would never be interested in you, right?

“‘tsumu, i told ya not to call me shorty!” you lightly smack his arm, pouting.

“can’t resist it, yer too cute to not be called shorty. let’s go.” atsumu holds your hand as the two of you walk to the gym for practice.

“kita-nii!” you quickly let go of atsumu’s hand and run towards kita, hugging him.

“y/n-chan, it’s good to see you made it without you and ‘tsumu bitin each others’ heads off!” kita chuckles, patting your head as a signal to go get the surprise you had made for the team, aran getting up to go with you.

the moment you’re out of earshot, kita yells at atsumu.

“why’re ya late, ‘tsumu? thought ya said you’d make it on time today,” kita scoffs, thoroughly done with atsumu constantly being late the past month. nationals were coming up, he couldn’t have the team slacking, “don’t tell me it’s another one o’ ya dumb flings again.”

“was waitin for y/n-chan, she had to stay back and help some douche with his homework. tch, as if,” there was a certain jealously laced in his words, one that if you’d heard it you’re sure it would make your precious little heart burst.

“yer not much better, ya know.” osamu casually puts out, and he isn’t wrong. after all, atsumu isn’t given the title ‘playboy’ for nothing.

“‘samu, don’t be like that. i aint all that bad, right?” atsumu whines, frowning like a little kid about to have a temper tantrum.

“guys!! i have somethin’ for ya!” you walk back into the gym with aran, both holding a tray of baked goods.

“eh? y/n-chan, what’s that for?” the sweet smell of vanilla and strawberries wafts through the air, very quickly catching the inarizaki team’s attention.

“well.. you guys have been working really hard lately getting ready for nationals so i thought it’d be nice to bake you guys some sweets,” the team stared at her, wide-eyed. how did they get so lucky?

“o-oh but.. if ya guys don’t wan’ em-”

“y/n-chan, ya fuckin angel. we’re gonna eat all of these.” atsumu pulls you into a hug, your face smushed into his chest. you feel your cheeks heat up at the compliment, but you ignore the fuzzy feeling and familiar butterflies swarming; simply letting atsumu do what he wanted.

“‘tsumu, let go! ya gotta eat before the rest of the guys eat em!” atsumu loosens his grip around you, changing his hold on you to his arm falling to your waist.

the team eat the trays of pastries you baked the night before, osamu and atsumu constantly fighting over the mini-cupcakes you made with the extra batter. osamu claims they taste better, while atsumu just wants an excuse to beat his brother at something. suna just quietly eats the vanilla cookies, thanking you for being so generous to the idiots on his team. aran and kita are just watching osamu and atsumu fight, munching on cornets.

atsumu usually doesn’t make it very far fighting with osamu, it seems keeping his hold on your waist is much more important to him. your heart flutters at the position you’re currently in; you sitting next to atsumu, your head resting softly on his shoulder. atsumu humming a soft little tune only for your ears to hear as he peacefully watches you play with his much larger hands.

“should i bake some more for tomorrow?” you ask, lifting your head from atsumu’s shoulder to start packing up the trays and cleaning any crumbs the boys left behind.

“if ya wanna, we’re not fussed.” aran smiles sweetly to you; you simply give a small smile back.

“alright, we’ll just skip practice for today. you’re all gonna practice extra tomorrow though,” kita chuckles hearing the disapproving groans from his teammates, “don’t worry, im sure y/n can think of a way to keep ya excited.”

“i’ll start thinkin of some fun activities we can do on the weekend!” you chirp, getting up to find your bag.

everyone starts piling out; you walking out eagerly chatting with osamu about a new recipe you’ve been dying to try. atsumu’s much larger hand engulfs yours as you and atsumu split ways from osamu since atsumu insisted he walk you home.

“’tsumu, you don’t have to walk me home. i’m not a lil’ kid anymore.” you smile at him, feeling a sense of euphoria at the fact he chose to walk you home instead of walking home with osamu.

“yer so innocent though, i swear someone could lure ya in with candy or somethin’.” atsumu laughs, watching the way your face goes from a soft smile to slightly confused to very offended.

“c’mon atsu’,” you whined, pouting, “i’m not that dumb!”

“yeah, but ya aren’t that smart either,” he takes a moment to admire you while you ramble about how you still got better grades than him and how osamu is the smarter twin.

“oh! tsumu, you should go home now.”

“right. see ya tomorrow, y/n!”

the next few days pass and you feel as if the atmosphere is off between you and atsumu. you’ve spoken to osamu about it and he feels the same way. did something happen between you and atsumu?

“..astu’?” you tap atsumu’s shoulder softly, letting him know you’re there.

“oh. y/l/n.” atsumu isn’t looking at you with the usual gleam in his eyes and you’re starting to wondering if you messed up something.

“‘tsumu, why’re you callin’ me by my last name?” you bite your lip in a state of confusion and nervousness.

“y/n. we need to talk.” he sighs in a way that you would when you’re disappointed and you’re thinking you really fucked up.

after school, you meet atsumu in the gym. they don’t have practice today, so the gym was the perfect place to meet up.

“y/n. i know what you think about me. i can see it in the way you look at me.” atsumu begins, almost instantly regretting what he’s decided to do. the way your eyes are starting to tear up makes him know you know what he’s talking about.

“atsumu.. i didn’t- i didn’t mean to. it just-” you stutter out, tears dripping down your cheeks, as atsumu pulls you into a hug.

“shh, i know. it’s okay, yeah? just ‘cause ya fell in love with me doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends. just needed ya to know that ya shouldn’t confess to me. i’m gonna have to reject ya, and i really don’t wanna do that.” you don’t know what to say, especially since you were hoping to confess to him in a few days.

“i- i’m gonna go, atsumu.” you pull away from him after a few minutes of silence and after your sobs have silenced.

“i’ll walk you home.”

“no.. atsumu, i need time to think, y’know?”

days pass, days turning to weeks and weeks beginning to edge onto two months. the heavy tension in the gym is suffocating. the bus ride to nationals isn’t much better either. you’re sitting as far away from atsumu as you can, avoiding the awkward looks he gives you. you know he wants to apologise for being so blunt to you, but you aren’t ready to talk to him yet.

“y/n, i think it’s time you talked with ‘tsumu. i know you don’t want to, but as our manager you have to for the sake of the team.” kita’s calm voice snaps you out of your lost state of mind. it was evident that you weren’t feeling your best from the way your gaze was soft and it looked like you were drifting off.

“oh. uh.. i don’t think he wants to see me right now?” you try to make an excuse but kita simply shakes his head no and you grumble.

“y/n. go now, please. ‘tsumu isn’t focusin’ durin’ practice. as manager ya needa set him straight.”

“kita-nii..” you hesitate for a moment, “fine. i’ll do it.”

“thank you, y/n.”

you walk up to atsumu, who seems quite surprised you’re even looking at him right now, and sit next to him.

“atsu’.. i don’t wanna be the reason you might lose nationals. i know how much this means to you,” you make eye contact with atsumu for the first time in about a month.

“y/n, it’s not yer fault, yeah?” atsumu cups your cheek with his hand, a small smile growing on his face, “shouldn’t have been so blunt with ya anyways, shoulda known you’d react like this.”

“are.. are we okay again?” you bite your lip lightly, patiently waiting for a reply.

“think we were always okay, we just had a lil’ mishap, y’know?”

“so.. can i sit next to you?” you feel at peace knowing what happened hopefully won’t change your current dynamic, even if you know atsumu definitely won’t be yours.

“yeah, ya can. c’mere.” you sit down before atsumu tucks you into his side.

the rest of the ride is silent, but the uncomfortable tension is eased.

nationals pass by in a few blinks. but in the end, unfortunately, inarizaki lost to karasuno; a school no one would’ve thought could make it this far before, not after their reputation of being ‘clipped crows’.

the bus is once again silent during the ride home, and it breaks your heart — as the manager who’s been with them as long as the second years have — seeing how distraught the boys look. everyone looks disappointed in themselves, even suna looks upset. but most of all, atsumu looks like he’s on the verge of tears. and sitting next to him gives you the front seats to the way his eyes are glossy, the tears threatening to spill over any moment.

even the school feels silent, the losing game somehow affecting the entirety of inarizaki. even you, the bubbly sweetheart, could barely smile.

months pass, and now it’s almost the end of your second year. everything seemed to pass in a blur, from the losing match to the rest of your second year. the only thing that seemed to linger was the feeling of regret; and your feelings for atsumu. maybe if you didn’t catch feelings for atsumu, he would’ve been more focused. if you didn’t catch feelings, he wouldn’t have had to talk to you about it.

although the boys didn’t technically have to keep practicing, a few of the boys kept going; especially atsumu.

“atsu’? it’s time to lock up before ya get in trouble from coach. again.” your soft voice calling out to atsumu snaps him out of his focus.

“oh. yeah, gimme a minute.”

you watch atsumu do his jump serve, the sound of the impact from the ball hitting the floor bouncing on the walls of the gym. atsumu tried to hit another serve before you register why you’re there but it’s too late.

“atsu’, no! i’ll help you clean up, c’mon. you gotta walk me home, it’s late. it’d be terrible if i, your precious manager, got kidnapped right?” you joked, though you were still terrified at the thought of getting kidnapped for real.

“yeah ya right, it’d be so hard for the team without our darlin’ lil’ manager.” atsumu chuckles.

your parents didn’t really mind where you went at night, especially since they knew you were often with atsumu. so it’s no surprise that your parents don’t call or text when it’s late at night and you’re at a park with atsumu, sitting on a bench together. the cold breeze making you wish you’d brought your jacket with you that day. and it seems atsumu notices because soon after you shiver, atsumu’s large jacket is placed on your shoulders.

“hey, y/n?” atsumu swings his arm around your shoulder and makes you shuffle closer to him.

“mm?”

“i like you.”

“oh, cool. wait. what??” your whip your head to face him, shocked at the sudden confession.

“maybe i can give this whole love thing a shot? doesn’t seem that hard to keep ya happy.” atsumu jokes, watching as your expression shuffles through happy, confused and a mix of the two.

“i- i like you too but.. your volleyball career?”

atsumu simply shushes you and brings you into a soft kiss; and you wish time would stop right then.

“be my girlfriend?” he smiles at you, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

and who were you to say no to that?