#last weekend I was in a Rocky horror shadow cast

[yikesharringrove]

Steve used to hate horror movies.

He’d curl up against the nearest pillow, and keep his eyes closed as tight as possible.

Tommy and Carol used to give him so much shit for it, they’d put on Texas Chainsaw Massacre and watch as Steve turned into a puddle of fear.

Horror movies don’t do shit, anymore.

Not when he knows the real world is so much more fucked up than whatever filmmakers could dream.

It’s sort of fun, now. Watching the slasher flicks that used to keep him up at night. He and Robin and Billy will laugh at them outright, booing at the cliches and the terrible dialogue.

That is, until Firestarter.

None of them have seen it. It came out while Billy was grounded in California, and any new movies typically take four or five months to reach Hawkins.

They don’t even know the premise.

And it’s the most horrifying shit any of them have ever seen.

And it’s not the movie. The movie itself is alright. Psychological thriller that might give any normal person the chills.

They had to turn it off, when the little girl’s lab experiment mother was murdered, and she was taken to The Shop, the facility where it all began.

El’s life was not a secret. They knew about the lab, about Papa. About what her Mama went through. They knew about the other numbers.

But it was something they accepted at face value. Never pushing El to reveal her trauma to them.

And here it was. Everything she went through, probably, on screen.

And Billy was the one who turned it off, hobbling to the tv as fast as his cane would take him, Steve and Robin huddled together with their eyes shielded.

They stopped watching horror movies after that.

[junecast-moonfast]

hi, santa again!

thank you very much for all the recommendations, i take good note of that!!

don't apologize for writing much, i liked to read what you had to say, np :^)

my ultimate fav country album is johnny cash's live at folsom prison, it's really really cool and the fact he performed before prisoners is very touching i think. other country musicians i love are townes van zandt, glenn campbell too, or willie nelson. i'm also into jazz music!! especially big bands but also smaller formations. i also love classic rock, obviously the beatles, pink floyd, the monkees too

i've seen you love the rocky horror picture show! what do you like the most about it? and what are your fav movies beside it?

Hello again! I’m so glad you liked reading my last response :D I started listening to At Folsom Prison and I really like it! I’ve only listened to a few live albums before, but I think the live aspect really adds to this album. It has a very intimate quality that I think it’s very hard to replicate in a studio.

Most of the Jazz I listen to is by smaller formations, though I’d love some big band recommendations! I mostly listen to avant-garde jazz and jazz fusion, though I’ve been meaning to listen to more pre-60’s jazz.

I’m also a huge Beatles and Pink Floyd fan! Magical Mystery Tour and The Wall were some of the first CDs I ever bought for myself :D I’ve also been meaning to get more into the Monkees. I mostly know the Monkees from the TV show. As a kid I was a huge M.A.S.H. fan, and the channel that played it often played reruns of The Monkee’s as well. I’ve been meaning to listen more of their music though. :]

I think the biggest appeal of the RHPS to me is the community surrounding it. The first time I ever saw the movie was at a shadow cast, and just the enthusiasm of the crowd and the performers was amazing. I used to go to the show every other weekend, but unfortunately the past few months have been pretty busy for me so I haven’t had a chance to go :( Aside from the community aspect, I also just love the campiness of the movie. The word camp has become a bit of a buzzword, but the RHPS truly embodies the term camp I feel. Some other movies I love are Pink Flamingos, Jubilee (1977), and Hellraiser. What are your favorite movies? :D

[demigodsanswer]

In the Everyone Lives au, how close do Percy and Annabeth get with everyone else, especially those they don’t interact with in the books? I particularly loved reading all the party/drinking headcanons, do you have any more? Who are the wildest ones in the group?

Percy has aways been close to Beckendorf, so they stay close. Both he and Annabeth are close with Silena as well. 

When they start hanging out at their apartment, Percy and Clarisse have their drama queen fights (shout out to the first person to describe their relationship as enemies to friends to enemies for the drama), but soon they just decide to be friends. 

Of course, they both still easily get on each others nerves (sometimes just for show). They do start to become closer though. One day, about six months after Percy and Annabeth start hanging out with them regularly, he realizes that he’s been having pretty constant text conversations with Clarisse. He kind of just pauses and thinks, “Huh, guess we are friends.” 

They become friends with Chris pretty soon after that. They always got a long with him, but they had never really gotten to know him. But after a while, they start to appreciate his humor and get to know him as a person more. He and Annabeth actually bond first over Percy and Clarisse’s desperate need to fight with each other for no good reason. 

 It takes a little longer for them to become friends with the other guys (Lee, Castor, and Pollux) partly because they aren’t around as much (Lee and Pollux are in a Rocky Horror shadow cast on the weekends, and Castor helps out by selling concessions), plus Percy and Annabeth aren’t big theater people. 

They’re all kind to each other, of course, and they do get along when they’re together, Percy just has a feeling they’ll never be super close, always just acquaintances. 

As for parties:

Honestly, their parties are usually pretty chill. 

They can’t really go to NYU parties anymore because Clarisse once punched some film major in the face. She had made the mistake of wearing a Pulp Fiction tee shirt (because, you know, the whole world has agreed that that’s a pretty good movie), and he wouldn’t stop explaining it to her. At one point he said “It’s got a certain Je ne sais quoi. Sorry, do you know what that means?” 

Clarisse, fluent in French says, “I don’t know what.” 

Him: “Haha, yeah me either, but it’s basically just like a certain kind of feeling.” 

At which point she hit him. Not to do any lasting damage, just to instruct. She didn’t even break his noes. But they all agreed as a group that it’d be better not to go to any more NYU parties. 

Their parties are usually pretty chill, and they tend to play a lot of games. Not drinking games (although they do have beer pong tournaments every so often), but party games like Celebrity. 

They do try and play movie-based drinking games, but, since they’re all ADHD, they never make it to the end of the movie. They all end up getting drunk too fast, because they forget they aren’t suppose to be drinking in between things happening, and then they get distracted because they’re drunk. 

While they do certainly have different personalities after having different drinks, for the most part they just feed off of each others energy. If one of them starts to cry (usually Annabeth or Silena is the first one), then they all end up emotional or crying. It’s always cathartic though. 

[brokehorrorfan]

Event Report: Rhode Island Comic Con 2018

Rhode Island Comic Con takes place in the smallest state, but the show gets bigger every year. Its seventh incarnation took place November 2-4 at the Rhode Island Convention Center, the Dunkin Donuts Center, and the Omni Hotel in Providence, RI. While the congestion of people between buildings during peak hours is seemingly unavoidable, this year's updated layout across the three locations (all connected to one another) proved to be the best use of space yet.

When not browsing the massive vendor room full of cool geek memorabilia, I spent a good chunk of the weekend in the two panel rooms at the Omni, listening to various celebrity guests discuss their storied careers. Between the gregarious speakers, the considerate fan questions, the enthusiastic hosts (some of whom were celebrities themselves), and the overall energy of the convention, every one one of the eight panels I saw over the course of the three days was supremely entertaining. The first one I attended was with Tim Curry, who received a standing ovation from the adoring crowd, moderated by voice actor Charlie Adler (who worked with Curry as the voice director on The Wild Thornberrys). Curry proudly remarked that it has been almost exactly 50 years since he started his acting career as part of the original London cast of Hair in 1968.

Although a 2012 stroke left the beloved actor in a wheelchair, Curry is still quite sharp on the microphone. The audience went wild when he briefly broke into his sinister Pennywise voice from It as well as his smashing accent from The Wild Thornberrys. When asked about his thoughts on the new It, Curry defiantly responded, "I didn't like it very much." He shared anecdotes about many of his beloved roles, including The Rocky Horror Picture Show (his favorite scene is the floor show, "Because it was all about me. It was very sexy!"), Clue, Legend (for which the makeup took 10 hours to apply the first time), Muppet Treasure Island, and even The Worst Witch (he admitted to getting so drunk on an actress's homemade gin that he later had to re-shoot his big song). He also revealed a few fun facts, such as how he was almost in Alien as John Hurt's chest-bursting character, Kane, which is what eventually led to him being cast in Legend. "I just thought Ridley Scott was the most amazing director," he remarked. He also loved the script for The Silence of the Lambs and was interested in the role of Hannibal Lecter.

Four members of the Loser's Club from It (2017) - Jack Dylan Grazer (Eddie), Chosen Jacobs (Mike), Wyatt Oleff (Stanley), and Jeremy Ray Taylor (Ben) - reunited for a panel that evening as well. The young actors noted that they had immediate chemistry upon meeting before filming and that they are very similar to their characters, which was apparent during the Q&A as well. The camaraderie is palpable when the friends interact with one another with youthful exuberance. Everything except Taylor watched the original It before filming, although he's now coming around to horror movies. Although they were unable to speak much about It: Chapter 2, which just wrapped production, they noted how surreal it was to meet their older counterparts. Friday evening concluded with a rousing screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show featuring a shadow-cast by local favorites RKO Army.

I anticipated kicking off Saturday with an Elvira panel featuring the Mistress of the Dark herself, but Cassandra Peterson was unfortunately feeling under the weather and was forced to cancel. Thankfully, the session's guest host, Brian O'Halloran (Clerks), was willing to become the subject of the panel instead. He discussed working with Kevin Smith at length. They are mere weeks away from shooting the new Jay and Silent Bob movie, which he promises will be fun and cameo-heavy. Not unlike his character from Clerks, an audience question about Star Wars sent him on a humorous tirade about the franchise. His personal top three Star Wars movies may surprise you: The Empire Strikes Back, Rogue One, Solo.

It was fun to see Danny Trejo - known for playing tough guys in the likes of Machete, The Devil's Rejects, Desperado, Heat, Con Air, and Sons of Anarchy - cracking jokes and being so jovial during his panel. "I play a badass, but I’m not," he remarked as he recounted some of his surprising upcoming projects: the live-action adaptation of Dora the Explorer, a comedy titled Grand-Daddy Day Care, and an AMC sitcom, Food & Familia. He shared stories about the conception of Machete, which dates back to Desperado and then Spy Kids, the time he autographed a living tortoise in tribute to his Breaking Bad role, and his recent branching out into the food (with his Trejos Tacos restaurants) and music (with his newly-launched label, Trejo Music) industries. Perhaps the most interesting moment, however, was when he shared the story behind his signature chest tattoo, which involved being worked on by the same artist in three different prisons after being arrested for armed robbery at 14. It's truly inspiring to see how he turned his life around.

The Office reunion panel with Kate Flannery (Meredith) and Creed Bratton (Creed) was among the most highly-attended of the weekend. It took place in the smaller of the two panel halls, causing a long line of fans to be turned away. Those who were lucky enough to make it into the at-capacity room were treated to a lively conversation that was as funny as watching the show. Flannery was vivacious, while Bratton, true to his character, was dry and straight-faced. In addition to recounting their favorite moments in the series' nine-season run, they expressed their willingness to return for a Christmas special or other such revival if the writers can find a way to make it work and the rest of the ensemble cast is on board.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show panel was an unexpected highlight. Barry Bostwick (Brad) and Meat Loaf (Eddie) needed no moderator; they were old friends having an open conversation with one another. The first 20 minutes were essentially a comedy routine, with Meat spinning a fictitious story about the origins of his stage name while Bostwick occasionally interjected with a question or a dry quip. There was nary a mention of Rocky Horror until they opened up to the crowd for questions. When asked about screenings during which the audience talks back to the movie, Meat was brutally honest: "I wouldn't go to that to save my life." He went on to say that he loved seeing fans dress up, but he found it disrespectful to the movie and those who worked on it to speak out during screenings. Bostwick was quick to add that he believed such screenings are why the film has had such longevity. Meat also relished the opportunity to roast the audience. The actors' remarkable rapport caused the panel to go long, but, since it was the last of the evening, no one seemed to mind.

Rhode Island Comic Con put together a worthwhile after-party on Saturday night. After 90 minutes of DJ Darth Fader spinning music, dancing, cocktails, and mingling with some of the celebrities in attendance - including James Murray (Impractical Jokers), Joey Fatone (Nsync), Bam Margera (Jackass), Bai Ling (The Crow), and Spencer Wilding (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story) - it was time for Epic Rap Battles of History. The creators of the viral YouTube channel, Peter "Nice Peter" Shukoff and Lloyd "EpicLloyd" Ahlquist - took the stage to perform many of their fan-favorite rap battles live, full of energy and the occasional prop. They performed such favorites as Goku vs. Superman, Rick Grimes vs. Walter White, Terminator vs. Robocop, and Zeus vs. Thor, in addition to medleys with verses from various battles. They occasionally invited fans on stage to perform verses, and in the middle of the set they made their way into the crowd to perform a few songs, including a freestyle created on the spot by audience suggestion: Spider-Man vs. Christina Aguilera. Although they haven't released a new video in nearly two years, Shukoff and Ahlquist clearly haven't missed a beat. They concluded their hour-long set by revealing that they have a new video featuring Elon Musk coming in December.

Sunday kicked off for me with a panel featuring Impractical Jokers' James "Murr" Murray and Nsync's Joey Fatone. While no one was entirely sure what to expect, it was a standard - but highly entertaining - question-and-answer session, with Fatone essentially serving as moderator and occasionally offering his input. Fatone first bonded with the Jokers over their mutual love of Superman. He quickly befriended the gang, then appeared on the show before becoming the host of the Impractical Jokers after-show, After Party. Murr teased the upcoming Impractical Jokers movie, which is due in theaters next year. He said that it's a road movie, with a scripted beginning and ending, but the rest of the film features the guys pranking one another around the country. While Fatone revealed he makes a cameo in the film, Murr told the crowd that it features "the most embarrassing moment of my life," which left him in tears. He also shared plenty of fun stories from the show, including showing off his driver's license photo with no eyebrows.

Later in the day, the Stranger Things panel with David Harbor (Hopper) and Noah Schnapp (Will), and moderated by Clare Kramer (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), capped off the weekend on a high note. They have one week left of shooting the hit Netflix series' third season. They were unable to speak much about it, but Harbor called it "the most Spielbergian thing we’ve ever done," while Schnapp remarked, "It's even bigger than season two." Harbor revealed that we'll see more of Hopper's backstory as a Vietnam veteran and a New York City police officer, while Schnapp hinted that there may be a love story between Will and Eleven. Hopper also discussed his titular role in the upcoming Hellboy reboot. Filming in Bulgaria proved to be difficult, and the three hours of make-up each day wasn't a lot of fun, but he promised lots of practical effects and a storyline that would be closer to the comic on which its based. He also shared a funny story about a run-in with a wild bull during shooting.

In addition to the numerous celebrities mentioned above, Rhode Island Comic Con's exceptional guest list included Hayden Christensen (Star Wars), Gwendoline Christie (Star Wars), Kiefer Sutherland (The Lost Boys), Jason Patric (The Lost Boys), Lance Henriksen (Aliens), Tom Felton (Harry Potter), Natalia Tena (Harry Potter), Zachary Levi (Shazam), Tom Welling (Smallville), Michael Rosenbaum (Smallville), Alan Tudyk (Firefly), Finn Jones (Game of Thrones), Billy Boyd (Lord of the Rings), Tony Danza (Who’s the Boss?), Levar Burton (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Michelle Trachtenberg (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Dylan McDermott (American Horror Story), Michael Rooker (The Walking Dead), Sarah Wayne Callies (The Walking Dead), Laurie Holden (The Walking Dead), Jenna Elfman (Fear the Walking Dead), Zach Galligan (Gremlins), Morena Baccarin (Deadpool), Ice-T (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit), Billy Zane (Titanic), Dee Snider (Twisted Sister), Jason David Frank (Power Rangers), and many more.

Although all comic conventions have slowly become more of pop culture expos and celebrity autograph shows over the years, Rhode Island Comic Con stays true to its roots by inviting many comic writers and artists. This year included Deadpool co-creator Rob Liefeld and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles co-creator Kevin Eastman, among others. I had the pleasure of meeting Eastman, who graciously signed one item - complete with a quick sketch of a Ninja Turtle - for free for everyone throughout the weekend. He was very personable, striking up a brief conversation with each fan who waited in line. In addition to dozens of comic creators, aspiring artists were invited to have their portfolios reviewed.

While the headlining guests were the main attraction at the Dunkin Donuts Center, I was very excited to see an It (1990) display, curated by John Campopiano, writer-producer of the upcoming Pennywise: The Story of It documentary. The crown jewel of the collection was one of Tim Curry's actual, screen-used Pennywise costumes, of which fans were allowed to take photos, but he also had many editions of the film and Stephen King's novel from around the world, among other memorabilia. I was disheartened to hear, however, that two props were stolen from the booth during the event, and as a result the collection will no longer be displayed at conventions. I hope the missing items surface, because the display was a real treat for Stephen King fans.

Impressive costumes - from movies, TV, comics, anime, cartoons, video games, wrestlers, pop culture figures, and mash-ups - could be found walking around the showroom floor throughout the weekend, but many of the best cosplayers competed in a costume contest on Sunday evening. Everyone's efforts were extremely impressive, but the cosplay celebrity judges ultimately awarded the winners in three categories. Eleven from Stranger Things (complete with a Demodog) won for beginners, a group dressed up as Mighty Morphin Power Rangers villains shared the prize for intermediate, and a female Pennywise from It (2017) was selected for the master class. But it was a couple dressed as The Sorceress and Battle Cat from Masters of the Universe who were awarded Best in Show. It was a fun way to end the weekend.

In addition to the celebrity guests signing autographs and taking pictures, celebrity panels, cosplaying, and hundreds of vendors with anything a pop culture nerd could ever want, Rhode Island Comic Con includes exclusive merchandise, fan panels, film screenings, geek speed dating, kids activities, live tattooing, and more. It's impossible to experience it all in one day, so I recommend springing for the weekend pass when next year's event rolls around on November 1-3, 2019.

Click here to see all of my Rhode Island Comic Con 2018 photos.

[z-bot]

lifeblogging (July 23rd)

Last week was a strange, muddled blur that I can hardly recall, and I have no idea why I was so out of it.

This weekend was pretty good, though. AT LAST, SOCIALIZING! The recovery train is chugging along!

I finally went out with a new friend I met through @indecentpause, and met ANOTHER new person on top of that. 

I met him on the dance floor, so good. "Hi, I’m Z! Do you know [redacted]?” I asked, whilst boogieing. It felt so cliché.

‘Twas dinner and a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but it’s been so very long since I last saw the film that I was probably paying more attention to the screen than the shadow cast. 

Can’t beat the pre-show dance, though.

The next day: lunch at an old-timey soda joint with three friends (two old, one new! the new one is @nekowhatsit HELLO).

Ain’t nothing better than diner pie.

DID YOU KNOW egg creams don’t actually contain eggs? I was sorely disappointed.

I was expecting, like, a non-alcoholic gin fizz.

Do you know what they call a non-alcoholic gin fizz? They call it a “non-alcoholic gin fizz” ugh.

There was a vintage shop attached to the diner, and in one corner of the shop were... Yu-Gi-Oh magnets? I tried to find a Kaiba magnet for @cherrysnowclone, but it was in vain. (I think Kaiba’s her guy, is Kaiba your guy?)

And thence the mall for boba tea.

And thence home for pork carnitas won tons and Ruining History. 

And then falling asleep on the couch, and

hey, look, this turned out to be mostly about food? REALLY the weekend was mostly about the people, but the food is easier to bullet point. And goddamn do I love food.

Anyway, yesterday I did a lot of cleaning and made a to-do list for the week ahead. I managed to check three items off the list today, so hopefully my good weekend portends a good week!

[halo--hall]

i love rocky horror. my dead dad showed it to me over a decade ago and i have been hooked ever since. i would literally not be living the life i am currently living without this dumb movie. i'm one of those people. magenta was the first costume i ever made when i was 12 or 13 years old - the picture i have here is my most recent iteration of the costume that i made when i was 20. magenta has a very special place in my heart because she was my first costume, and when i was a kid i always hoped i would get to play her in a shadow cast someday. i've been performing with casts for a little over a year, and this weekend i'm doing my first show in a principal role. not as magenta, but as her brother riffraff. this is, like, as full-circle as it gets. i don't make a lot of personal posts here, but i am very emotional about this. riff is one of the last parts i ever expected to play, but i realize now how integral he is and i hope i do him justice. if you're in chicago, come thru. it's gonna be magical and weird.

[rebootkirk]

okay so i just need to rant a little...uh...if you’re one of my siblings don’t read this?

uhh sex tw i guess?

okay so. in september i joined a rocky horror shadow cast. first meeting, i see this girl. she’s gorgeous. she’s...fuck, she’s beautiful. and i see these other girls, also beautiful as hell. and practices go on and on and i’m still super attracted to those girls but i’m also adding people in to the “oh shit you’re hot” list as i get to know them better. but this girl, that first girl, i’m still watching her all the time and she’s so enthusiastic and vibrant and beautiful. let’s just call her A. and A flirts with me, and i don’t know if that’s just how she is or if she’s actually interested in me.

and i’m playing columbia, and one time when i’m in costume A makes a comment about the choker i’m wearing. it’s one of those leather chokers with a ring that’s basically a collar. and she basically says “maybe we should get you a leash for that” and y’all. i got turned on so fucking fast. i’m a little bit kinky and collars/choking are definitely one of my things. and i just laughed it off but...shit

and this weekend we had our cast party and nearly everyone was drunk and pretty much only in their underwear and we were playing truth or dare and since i’m a newbie at the end i got to ask one of the truth/dares the newbies were asked to one of the veteran cast members. and i asked her “have you ever had a sex dream about a member of the cast, and if not who would you choose to have a sex dream about?” and she deliberates over it for a minute while occasionally making eye contact with me and i thought this would just be something to fantasize about because tbh i would fuck more than half of the cast. and then she says “probably both of the carolines” (because there’s another caroline and she’s hot as hell too) and i just. fucking. oh my god.

and later that night one of the girls there started spanking and whipping people, which, shit. and A got in on it, and...oh my god. anyway, i left, got my car, and came back to pick up my boyfriend (more on that later). and i come back and she’s on her back, ball gag in her mouth, no bra, being lightly whipped (because she has a low pain tolerance) and i can’t get that fucking picture out of my head

and after i got back to my boyfriend’s apartment i messaged her and told her i would totally be down for starring in any sex dreams of hers and she said “daayyumm good to know”

but i’m dating my boyfriend. and he’s known that i’m polyamorous since before we started dating but i’ve been monogamous while i’ve been with him. and he also thinks she’s hot and would be totally down for a threesome but i don’t think she’s interested in him? and i just. want her. but my boyfriend wants to be involved if i were to have sex with anyone else and i can’t guarantee that. and i feel bad for wanting her and he feels bad because he feels like he’s holding me back for stupid reasons and i feel bad because he’s pretty insecure and i just. i want her. so bad. and i think she wants me too. and i don’t even just wanna fuck her. i want to cuddle her and get to know her and honestly i just have a giant crush on her

and none of this even mentions the other people in the cast i wanna fuck! there’s a guy in the cast who kept casually touching me and then towards the end of the party he dragged his fingers across my legs and holy shit! i wanna fuck him too! and the girl he’s sorta together with! there’s the girl i matched with on Her over a year ago who is also in the cast! there’s the girl who asked if she could touch my boobs and i said yes! there’s the other caroline and her sorta boyfriend! and so many others! i’m fucked!

i don’t fucking know what to do. i never expected my relationship with my boyfriend to last this long but i’m too attached to leave without a ton of pain. i feel like a terrible person for wanting other people even though it doesn’t mean i want him less. i don’t want to be with him forever, but i also don’t feel like i have any reason to leave.

this is really disjointed but if anyone has any comments or advice...i could really use some.

[andthenweeatcake-blog]

Announcement!

Ian is away for the weekend seeing his parents perform in a Valentine's show in Ohio. That will, sadly, delay the continuation of our London posts (though I am valiantly trying to get through them). However, the time has come to tell you of our February plans!

Two weeks from today Ian and I will be in Paris, France!!! From the 23rd through the 27th, we will be in the city of lights, admiring the Eiffel tower, touring the Louvre, riding down the Champs-Élysées, sipping coffee in sidewalk cafes. We are so excited for this incredible and romantic getaway!

You'll notice we have one day more in France than we did in England. That is for one simple reason: Disneyland! It is my goal to visit all of the Disney parks across the world, and this will be my first international one!

The last night we are there, we have booked another exceedingly important event: the Moulin Rouge! When I lived in Orlando, Florida, I joined up with a wonderful ragtag group of Weirdoes, the Rich Weirdoes. They are Orlando's premier Rocky Horror shadow cast. As a Valentine's day gimmick, they decided to do a production of Baz Luhrmann's film adaptation of the "Moulin Rouge". This is the world I became a part of for years. Now, I'll get to see the real thing!

Hopefully, you'll be seeing many posts on the next couple weeks, finishing London and talking up our Parisian plans!

Thanks for tuning in!

-Lisa

[nobody-needs-to-know-that-blog]

A year later- Sept 18, 2016

The day where it all begins to fall apart. Maybe not completely or full on that day but it definitely started.... Actually it started to fall apart during the first week of school.

First week of school i happen to work with a kid that i had class with the previous semester, a kid that i kinda liked and definitely wanted to get to know better. I kinda got to know him better... Not really. My first experience with him, was that he was trying to get my number.... off of the emergency sheets that our boss has us fill out.... he ended up getting the house phone before my actual phone... It didnt help that his phone absolutely hated mine and we literally could not text each other.... 

Well we ended up having a class together that was kinda hard. So we would work on homework and lab problems together. One thing leads to another and we ended up going to dinner with one of his older friends who made a joke like oh is this a date... well i was stupid and kinda said yes? However i still had a boyfriend at that time. During that dinner i literally avoided saying boyfriend. Like i was ashamed of him or something. I wasn’t i never was. I just wasnt the right person for him. I dont know if im the right person for anybody. 

Anyways after that we ended up going to this jazz club thing on campus and we danced a little bit but not much. We ended up talking about his ex. She was there and she was pretty. and she could dance... i have two left feet. Anyways he was still really hung up on her and really wanted to get back with her. Which i completely understood. First “real” girlfriend yeah that happens. But they were two very different people. The dude did drugs and who knows what else. The girl. Very catholic... little miss goody two shoes... kinda like me... till SOMEBODY fucking broke me...

So during that dance we talked about how the older gentlemen had confused the hell out of both of us like there was something between us. May it be sexual tension or just wanting to get to know each other a lot better there was something. Well anyways I was amused but slightly pissed so i ended up printing off a coloring sheet that said “What the lemon scented fuck do you think you are doing?” and it was perfect about what was happening so I gave it to him and he was all im sorry i didnt know i didnt know. It was something that happened. 

More happened in september... i went to my first party... got to drink. That was fun... Ended up worrying boyf because he was like you should be safe and all that other shit. But then was like i guess this is payback for every time i went without you... well i ended up messaging them both and i told the kid i wanted to get to know better that i was jealous of his ex... because she got to date him... While drunk... but i remember everything so maybe not that drunk...

There would be days where he would come over and watch tv with me.. or well force me to watch black books or arrested development ( i cant watch arrested development anymore....) There was even one day where boyf was picking me up for the weekend and kid was leaving because boyf was there.... they didnt meet tho...

That was September... Then October comes around, oh was October was a shit show.... We still hung out every couple days to work on homework together, whether it be in my dorm or at the student center or who knows where. We would hang out. I had been with the boyfriend for over 4 years at this point. 4 YEARS. 4 FUCKING YEARS. actually 4 and a half. Am i done healing probably not. but whatever such is my life.

Okay back to October. First part was slightly uneventful. More hanging out more being with the boys whatever... Well Boyf’s birthday is in October... we ended up going home for his 21st birthday... i was terrified as fuck that he was going to propose to me... I wasnt sure if i could live with him for the rest of my life. I wasnt sure if i could be with anybody for that long.. Before that relationship i jumped from boy to boy to boy and i kinda have been doing that now as well... but i have stayed with this one for a hot minute... I dont know. I push damn near everybody who gets close to me away... It is a miracle that i have anybody who wants to be near me at all... Anyways that is where it also begins. 

I am terrified at the thought of proposal... I didnt want to live with this boy. I didnt want to be married to him. I couldnt handle that. I loved his family. They were more accepting of me than my own family... If they saw me now probably not as much because of the two tattoos and 3 piercings. I have changed.. 

Well anyways we would go to a physics club every friday and we ended up carving pumpkins together... They were cute... I did a pi on mine and it was cute :) i think i may have done an imaginary one im not sure... lol Well anyways dude who isnt the boyf ended up asking me to go see rocky horror with him because his friend was in the shadow cast of it. Oh man was that fun... but then we ended up going to the cast party afterwords which was my second party, and my bestfriends boyfriend was looking after me and was like worried and stuff which was great... Well after the party we ended up going back to his place to hang out because we didnt want to be at the party anymore and they wanted to smoke i think? well we are back there gave one friend a mix of rum chata and fireball ( its call a cumshot....) so that happened. we ended up going to sleep around 5... am... i thought i would be in my own room... nope he ended up sleeping with me which wasnt good but whatever. He had his arm like drapped over me and it was surprisingly comfortable... He wasnt overly hot like boyf had been... It was raining that morning.. The room has like a wall of windows which was beautiful to look at and was great for listening to the rain... Well at one point he ended up kissing me... it was just a peck and he was like inhibitions were gone and thats why and yada yada yada. Whatever he wouldnt have kissed me if there wasnt something there before... Its not a spur of the moment thing..

Halloween i was lilo and he was harry potter... we got pictures together.. I told boyf about it. He freaked out. I felt like shit... I still feel like shit for what happened.

October ended in lots of tears... I basically broke up with him on skype. Ex-boyf at this point was saying that i was the only person for him and that he didnt have anybody else to talk to and that i couldnt leave him because he would be all alone... That isnt what i need.. I am not somebody for him to tell everything to. I was taken for granted and it didnt feel good. It felt amazing to be wanted by somebody who wasnt just going to use me so they could feel better. 

November started with tears and freak outs and all that awesome shit. I would still talk to ex-boyf because i always talked to him but that wasnt much better... i started to take longer to reply and then not reply at all. At one point he ended up coming to campus on a sunday morning and we walked all over campus- to the convocation center and back just talking about the future of us if there was one. I told him at one point that i was going to block him on all social media sites if he messaged me during a week. Because i didnt want to talk to him during the week after i broke up with him. He was worried about me... he missed classes because he felt physically sick and i dont know if he has gotten anybetter.. I was worried about him because he told me that he said he couldnt live without me. But i couldnt be in a mentally abusive relationship... again. 

I had been in one before, ( irony was that it was with his cousin but thats a story for a different time) So yeah that was a thing. 

Anyways thanksgiving rolls around.. i message my cousin saying that i want to do something with my hair. She was like HELL YES!!! she was so excited... I ended up getting highlights done and they looked really good and it felt good to be different. However that change didnt last long. Ex-boyf was like i didnt have my good luck charm this year for hunting so i didnt see anything or shoot anything. He was upset. Im not a good luck charm ain’t no way. Sorry dude.

So thanksgiving is over back to campus. And so begins December. One of my other friends turned 21 as well and we all pregamed and then went to necto.. well i was faking being drunk (i was at one point but not when i was faking it obviously...)but being all i want somebody to cuddle and be with and well yeah... i ended up going to kids dorm, and we ended up watching trainspotting which was fun :) However afterwords i was like there is something between us ( and even as i type this i still get butterflies which fuck you by the way) and i think we both want this but i dont know if you do i know i do and he kept telling me to say it just say it and i was like no its pointless i cant!! and then we kissed again.. and it was great ( FUCK YOU FUCKING BUTTERFLIES AND TINGLES AND ALL THAT FUCKING SHIT) we ended up making out... that was the beginning of December..

And then all though-out December.. especially the weekends we would hang out.. we had our christmas party and we ended up going back to his dorm after and making out during Arrested Development which is why i cant fucking watch it ( well that and its still fucking stupid) 

He ended up spending the night before i went home for the winter break. i was alone and didnt want to be in the dorm room alone... Whatever. but then the first of the year.

Fuck the first of the year. Fuck getting what i fucking deserved. Fuck all of this fucking shit. And fuck that person who texted me when i didnt fucking know who it was. 

I deserved the text message break up. Whatever. I didnt get closure. I deserved it because i gave it. But i still hang out with this kid. Its still not okay. He does this stupid shit that used to be cute... but its not anymore... I still call them boys but i still love hanging out with them... They make me smile... as much as i say i hate this kid and i dont want to deal with him, he can still make me smile.... 

The boys... i like to think they would do anything for me... Its kinda weird now that im dating the other one... its weird that they do the same things... that they both skipped out on the other for me... that i cant just sleep next to them... they have to touch me or kiss me or any of that... 

Maybe its good that im sick... idk