#last two work especially well!
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My annual N7 Day illustrations for the new Mass Effect game so far. Got them as wallpapers right here!
#twitter made me fit these to phone screens so may as well share it here too#last two work especially well!#mass effect#n7 day#my art#legionofpotatoes
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also I think it’s time for a little Elly Lore Update because I feel like I mention so many people on here and y’all need to understand who I’m taking about when you attend the virtual sleepovers 😌
#SO. other main characters in this story:#♦️ my bestie (a.k.a. Best Friend Number One) — I’ve known her for basically ever and NO ONE annoys me like her but also we’re#too close and too important in each other’s lives to ever break up (Alexa play “Stuck With You” by Huey Lewis)#♦️ bestie number two — my Secret Keeper and probable future maid of honor. the only one of us with a boyfriend#♦️ my (honorary) little sister (a.k.a. the 13-year-old) — a girl wise beyond her years but also. yk. thirteen. I always have a blast with h#♦️ my mom and dad — self explanatory#supporting cast members:#♦️ bestie number two’s older sister — a dear friend of mine as well who is engaged to be married but is doing so in Colombia#meaning I can’t go and I’ve been inconsolable about it for weeks#♦️ bestie number two’s boyfriend — literally one of the chillest guys I know. he’s also the younger brother of her big sister’s fiancé#♦️ twinkling watermelon bestie: my other Secret Keeper and my kdrama buddy. we especially bonded over TWM#♦️ Coworker Elizabeth — the lady I work with who I used to think disliked me but now always feeds me when I’m there :)))#mmmm I think that’s it for recurring characters. then there’s the Love Interests:#♦️ The Ex Crush (a.k.a. donut boy) — my first crush who I didn’t see for years after first meeting him and then met again last year#and had dinner with his family but he didn’t really talk to me and then I saw him again earlier this week and he ignored me completely#♦️ Big Dramatic Crush — my last Big crush who I liked for two years and suffered over tremendously. he’s not really important anymore#but I do use him as a reference point often enough. there’s Before Him and there’s After Him#♦️ Three-Day Crush — what it says on the tin. a guy I liked for three days just a bit after moving on from Big Crush#and then it ended horrifically and gave me a deep fear of ever developing another crush EVER#♦️ flan boy — the boy who thawed my heart more than a year after the saga of Three-Day Crush by showing kindness and a smidge of interest#but then apparently didn’t have That kind of interest in me so I decided to move on#and lucky I did because now my bestie (who knew him first and used to ship me with him) has fallen for him herself#and yep! that’s the main cast here on whenthegoldrays.com#hope you enjoyed this lore update that no one asked for 🩷#elly's posts
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The passage of time was sooo normal and kind to me this year guys qwq
#happy 2025#art summary#artists on tumblr#two of these are commisions and two are from artfight#I could not manage drawing alongside work and everything else that went awry this year qwq#yeah I made the scylla part three months ago and only manage to post anything about it now I#am so bad at this#I usually don't do new years resolutions but for this one I genuinely want to get better at promoting myself#especially since I'm out of work again#laid off like a true animator/gamer....#oh and that october mizi one is just an unfinished sketch I guess january akane having a bad time is also unfinished#never could manage to get it anywhere despite wanting to on account of the hair coming out reeeeally nice#I'm extremely proud of all my bigger pieces this year though#june and july ones hehe juri june and july#I never answered anyone on artfight and I feel so bad about it :'( participating on that was like#one of the last things I remember doing before time started passing normally again this year or well feeling better at least#and well as bad as it ended my time working was really great only routine that stuck around the whole year#and going out with my then coworkers felt really fancy and fun#I was able to save up a lot and want to use that to focus on personal projects this next year#......which is partly the reason I Need to study and practice getting better at promoing
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Finally got around to finishing the second nugget batch, this time featuring several favorite children and the absolute least favorite child <3
#keese draws#oc art#lobotomy corporation#lobotomy corporation oc#lob corp oc#I don’t dislike any of my nuggets. but ray (double buns) is the nugget I neglect the hardest#it’s to the point I’d say to not consider this design canon yet they genuinely have nothing going on in my brain as side from being in#proximity of the rest of the disciplinary team all of which I do have thoughts abt#and all of these guys are pretty senior in my facility they’re not the most senior but ray has existed for a long while#to be fair. several other characters here were also pretty badly neglected for a long time. mainly piper and river#but river is a favorite child now and piper is a part of the like only friend group in my facility now#anyways I’m definitely less happy with these than the last batch but I was sick when I drew like half of them so I give myself a pass#but yeah in order we have emma (she/her) piper (he/they) jacob (he/him) christopher (she/her) river (he/him) ray (they/them) anton (she/her)#hoon (she/they) and sanchez (any)#ofc I’ve drawn river anton and sanchez before and I’ve talked abt all the others aside from ray but still#shout out to hoon in particular I’ve barely talked abt her but I’ve been thinking abt her a decent amount lately#she and sanchez are the only pair of siblings in my facility who are just sort of chilling#the plancks have a dead one and the bells include saxxly#but these two get along well and are having a surprisingly ok time at lob corp despite everything surrounding them#like they’re in the extraction team and their fellow tramates include a girl who murdered a man and stole his identity and a girl who has#beaten her sister to death several times#and yet. they’re genuinely not doing too bad. they’re even kinda enjoying themselves.#hoon is having a less fine time as the realist of the two but this still is kinda just another job to them#the main thing with the two is that they’ve been hopping from situation to situation with little consequence for a good while now#they’ve never really felt in any real danger before and that doesn’t change at lob corp#in fact due to how my facility works it gets worse really as they basically can’t die#so while hoon tries to be the realist and the down to earth one her own perception of the situation is also quite skewed#many in the facility probably would see her as not taking anything seriously and kinda living in her own world#this can be especially seen in how she allows and even encourages sanchez’s stupid nuclear family roleplay with their fellow team members#they don’t even realize how fucked the rest of their team is they just think it’s funny they go along with it
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#tag talk#BY THE WAY: I'm not necessarily anti-meds or anti-psychiatry. or at least not generally as a worldview#it's one of those “my truth is not necessarily your truth” things. I fucking hate being dependent on anything from meds to medical help#and I'm constantly determined to do everything myself (yes I'm learning how to temper this with asking for help when I need it)#funnily enough the only place I've really found on reddit where this attitude is accepted/agreed with is the schizoid sub because it's a#a bunch of people with like little to no drive to reach out to others or to ever get help and toxic independence traits#which honestly feels very comfortable to me. the bipolar sub is very against anyone being anti-treatment (which makes sense I guess since#since severe bipolar will absolutely fuck your life up without treatment so pushing an anti-psychiatry view there could have harm)#and the bodymod sub doesn't allow diy work at all (yada yada safety concerns) which I understand on a moderation level but is still annoyin#idk. if I were serious enough to genuinely need meds or more therapy I would stay on it. but I can do it myself so I will do it myself.#people are like “but you don't have to struggle on your own uwu” I'm not. I have a 3 friends and I'm happy with that. I know how to ask for#for help now. it's a skill I deliberately learned and now I'm not so isolated. but I also don't want to deal with bullshit with#with limited efficacy. I'm going to do it my way or not at all. is that needlessly stubborn of me? probably. will that knowledge change#change how I do anything? absolutely not. I don't care. I can and have sabotaged myself in resistance to being told what to do.#and I will do it again. I don't give a fuck. I'm not caving to anyone or anything.#my work denied my time-off request for an upcoming family wedding and I was seriously considering going in and threatening to quit over it#but I thought it through and realized I didn't Really wanna go to the wedding anyway? it's just performative family bonding. there's only#only like two people there I would want to see anyway so I decided it wasn't really worth fighting over.#but next time I actually give a shit about the time off I'm going in and sitting down and fighting for real. because I'm not#not about to be told what I can and can't do by my fucking job. especially when I put in the time off well ahead of when I needed to#I'm just rambling now. anyway. I'm annoyed cause my phone didn't charge last night cause I put the charger wrong so it was on 15% this morn#so i"m stuck using tumblr desktop version yeuck#tragic: local girl forced to get dressed and sit up straight to check tumblr instead of lying in bed cozily on his phone.
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it’s just sorta hitting me that we know like almost nothing about what the fuck majima was doing in 5 when he was supposed to be dead??? like???? he was in on katsuya/mirei’s plan and caught onto what was going on really early and whatnot but. what the hell was he DOING for all that time. he just shows up at kurosawa’s at some point with zero explanation how or under what pretext or anything. how did he fake his death in the first place? how did he get it announced on the radio and put in the news despite there being no body or anything to prove that he died?? I have so many questions about his side of the story it’s insane how much was brushed off bdhffdjdjdjsjdnd
#I could go on#especially about his and saejima’s last fight/argument(?) because I’m still REALLY unsure how much of that was true and how much majima#(and saejima but mostly majima) was lying/acting for kurosawa and his men to buy time. because majima’s way smarter than people give him#credit for and quickwitted as hell- I seriously doubt he didn’t have a plan and some of the shit he said was too absurd to be true imo (him#having written the expulsion letter. calling saejima weak based on the batting cage fight. etc)#and I think he was trusting that saejima knows him well enough to know how absurd some of that was and pick up on the act he’s going for and#play along. I mean it worked out didn’t it? bought them enough time for shinada and co. to fight baba and keep haruka safe and all that#anywho that’s the only thing that makes sense to me but. would’ve been nice for them to have made that clear and given majima and saejima#a more genuine heartfelt reunion#and don’t even get me started on kazumaji not getting a damn reunion. that’s a topic for another post#majima was just sorta neglected at least considering his importance in the plot and all. he should’ve talked to haruka too imo. and katsuya#and. you get it.#yet again he was left to clean up the tojo clan’s mess and just expected to deal with it while his two closest companions go to prison#(AGAIN) and daigo’s recovering from a bad wound (AGAIN) and so on. this guy does not get enough goddamn credit#rambling#y5#yakuza 5 spoilers
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So I’ve kind of been MIA…….so I thought I’d give some updates on my life
#honestly I didn’t realise it’s been so long since I’ve done a post#especially a personal post#it’s been about a month#anyway I’ve been super busy#since I’ve mainly been working#which is good but also bad because I’m tired all the time 😭😭💀#for example I started work today at 7am so I got up at 5:30 which was a lot so during my shift I got kind of drained#but I’ve been well#if I’m not working I’m relaxing and crocheting because I really want to finish this project#but apart from that let’s talk about some exciting stuff#I start uni in about 3 weeks which is really exciting#so hopefully closer to the date I can talk about that if I don’t forget 😅#I’m also going on holiday in like two weeks which is nice#it will be the last hurrah I guess before uni#there’s still some stuff that I’ve got to sort out before uni#but I’ve got like all the stuff I need I think#I’m just really excited#and I guess a bit sad my gap years over#like that definitely flew by haha#gatherrambles#g/gapyeardiaries
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help me out tolkien fam
For months now I've been itching to read fics about child/young/kid Feanor. Maybe it's just me but they're so horrifically hard to find! Maybe i'm just bad at filtering them out or there's a tag I'm not aware of, but if you guys know of these fics would you be kind and point them out? Rec away! Don't care what it's about, don't care who's in it, I just want to reeeeaaaad
#i will be reblogging this at least two times#feanor#last i searched was for child feanor and finwe and the lack of them shocked me#especially for being such hot topic characters as they are#no shipping though please#that's my line#thanks in advance? no idea how well this will work out
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remember when i thought i would have lykmc chapter 16 done by mid-may? lol. lmao even
at this point i’d count us lucky if it’s up before the end of june. but if you want to save yourself the disappointment i wouldn’t expect it before july
#i wish i could write faster but realistically that’s probably the best i can do#im almost done with the last scene#and i finished the opening scene a long time ago#and those are the two longest scenes#but i still have three scenes in the middle to write#and there are some new dynamics i have to establish in those scenes#so even though they’re shorter they’re a bit more challenging#especially more so than the final scene between laurent and damen because those two are such a breeze to write together#they just work together so well even when they’re at odds their personalities just spark something in each other#im never blocked for ideas when it comes to them i just throw them together and the scene comes to life on its own yknow#and usually ends up much longer than i’d planned lmao#but i can’t wait to share this chapter with you guys bc i think the opening scene in its entirety is some of my best work yet#and the last scene is just so. laurent and damen#agh i wish it was finished#lykmc updates
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#last month i wrote some tags about how i needed to leave my nails alone because i was getting extensions#in the hopes that i would finally stop biting my nails after doing it almost my whole life#well it FUCKING WORKED#i got gel x tips and i loved them sooooo much#but they kept coming off because i have to do so much with my hands especially in water lol#and i have tiny fingers too so the sizes she had weren't quite right#she redid the ones that came off for free for the whole three weeks i wore them!#so i bought her some new tips in tiny person sizes as a thank you lol#for her to use on other clients tho because she recommended this gel overlay system she likes#I've been wearing it for like a week and a half and they are still FLAWLESS#so I'm never going back to anything else lol i'm going to keep getting these pretty much forevwr#but anyway the important part is. that i no longer put my fingers in my mouth to destroy my nails and cuticles#i have real grownup hands now and it's AMAZING#my nail plate is reattaching to my nail bed!!!! like the bed is getting longer#they'll eventually reach the actual tips of my fingers the way theyre supposed to 😍#and the gel keeps the nails hard and almost fucking unbreakable#i had to replace my compulsion to bite/chew with the compulsion to apply cuticle oil lol but it's SO WORTH IT#i look at pictures of how my hands used to look just two months ago and i cant fucking believe i lived that way for DECADES#and i guess this is especially significant for me because my hands have always been a source of shame#not just because my nails were fucking gross and fucked up. but because i have TINY HANDS#like really small hands. not proportionate to my body. AT ALL#especially when i put my hands near my head because i have a slightly larger than average head lmaooo#and my fingers are very thin and just. i have small hands. very weak.#i cant even snap my fingers and make a sound#(do NOT instruct me. i know how to do it. i have been trying my whole life. its not physically possible for my fingers to make that sound)#so having nice nails really fucking helps me 🥹#like i can be proud of my hands even if theyre small#and i dont feel the need to hide them anymore
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I'm honestly not sure why Kishimoto Masashi hasn't done any other stories that isn't Naruto (well, there's Samurai 8, but that ended up cancelled, and Boruto is...well. It's Boruto But Let's Disassemble Boruto's Dad's Canon Until Not Even The Atoms Are Left).
Compared to the high fantasy ninja-cum-borderline-modern-day-cyberpunk aesthetic, Mario was such a breath of fresh air. Maybe not as lived in as Naruto (because it's a forty-four page one-shot, and you can't really afford to waste time on making New York feel "lived in" in that many pages), but it's so grounded in reality that the environment and the foundations of the story are already set in place. It doesn't have to worry about playing with the Magic System or keeping its chronology from getting tangled up in retcons and deus ex machina. It's short, it's simple, and gets right to the point while leaving many of its other elements inferred and in the background.
#as i understand it. or at least it's speculated. that elements of samurai 8 are being carried over to boruto#hence why it's moved away so quickly from naruto's 90s tech to an almost postmodern cyberpunk era#as well as teenage punk and grunge aesthetic that can almost be called dystopian#it's why - for me - boruto has felt less 'ninja fantasy' and more 'urban fantasy but throw in space-faring alien leeches into the mix'#especially with the arrival of two blue vortex#but the problem with the otsutsuki is how utterly last minute they are in canon#w/ no buildup whatsoever#and its timeline is such a mess that a plate of spaghetti looks more coherent#mario doesn't have that problem#it's set in 2003 new york about a guy in the mafia who takes on jobs to earn money for the sake of money#who eventually teams up with a female hitman in order to earn his own territory#there's mention of his late yakuza mother and how the hitman he's working w/ looks like her#as well as his necklace in the shape of the libra's scales that play into his ties between his mother & his partner#BOOM it doesn't waste ANY time faffing around. the plot just gets right to it#it's an interesting little oneshot that unfortunately doesn't really leave room for continuation#due to the way the ending doles out his fate#like. kishimoto has the POTENTIAL for constructing tight storycrafting#we saw this in the minato one-shot recently#he just needs to do what HE wants to do and not try to aim high#a'la try to make it another naruto/boruto#armi reads manga#manga
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someone is doing burnouts on the street outside
#god i wish that were me#stream of consciousness incoming#so im like 95% finished with my text now im gonna have my boyfriend look over it tomorrow (especially my latin translation)#but then ill just have to put the citations and then ill be fine it's actually not that much effort and it was quite easy to write#like i could have gotten it done in two days (one for source work one for writing) if it wasn't for adhd#and also i realized how incredibly sensitive i am to noise this year but like specific people noise#as soon as i can understand what the noise is i can simply not concentrate and i have pretty good ears like i pick up sounds well#so when i sit in the uni library with the windows open because i live in germany and we have no ac here and theres people talking outside?#bye i will not concentrate for like 3 hours#cant go to the library cant go to my uni workplace because my friends are there and i love them but even when i am focusing they are#SO LOUD#like theres two of them (again love them. great people) who emit loud sounds while working esp when frustrated but also randomly#and it will throw me off so badly#so today i stayed home for writing and it worked so well (noise canceling over earplugs window closed to shut out children outside)#but also i hate how easy i am to distract#however i have more discipline thab last year so at least thats okay
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also figured the way of messing w/latin for a sort of potential fic title would be fun in that google translate could give dubious / varying english versions, for enrichment, but it's really gone above & beyond (with that wrench of google translate's potential for inaccuracy that also probably varies but only contributes. already i was messing w/the phrase itself Inaccurately)
ille cuiquecarus ... that dear one (great)
ille cuique carus ... he is dear to everyone. ((i.e. cuique carus not mashed together) great)
illecui que carus ... i lured you dear (spaced it like that accidentally. great)
ille cui quecarus ... he to whom the quecarus (ask not....spaced it that way on purpose after the above)
ille cui que carus ... that person is dear to whom? (im like, not a whole thread i put in there. the potential wins of having like [that] [to each (which) (to whom)] [dear / treasure] in there to shake up)
#simply the ''cuique carus'' lifted out of enya's afer ventus initially in part like what's that phonetic bit i keep especially noticing#& then it's like oh epic this (suus) cuique carus is translated by the lyricist as everyone treasures their own#also to mention it's not key to anything but was like so this is a fun song for like Fire Up The Playlist indistinct singing to respond to#& lyrically fun stuff going on in there w/the latin itself & officially proffered translations by that lyricist#then etc like four syllables two consecutive [k] sounds sure. [ille] not only closest to a pronoun but the source of e.g. il le el la lo#you can't lose....#exciting posts while still quite tired lol. amazing what i did yesterday tbh like i was tired by / before like noon And Then#all afternoon evening....miribilia#anyway & then that you learn that etymological fun fact like ''hmm well out of the [most proximate / relevant to Pronouns re: latin] there#is [ille] offered & while we're already just working with Similar Phonetics; got that L in there. Little did i know; though now i do#also that pre pronoun usage ille was like [That] (Distant) & Ecce Ille became aquel or quello#wow great etymological thread Back on ille from wiktionary anyway. (he; that) (beyond; other) (more Beyond) (more (The) Other)#(in that place) (last year lit. that year) beyond & other....#bsol#also only now i mention ofc playing fast & loose with New Epithets for [these characters aren't named per se; the epithets rather]#naturally things like that dear one is dear to everyone to whom etc like well. if that is applied to ''also since not only does nobody know#each other's names b/c that's not relevant but they're not all using the same apparently specific organic epithets. makes sense also#relevant to as he's obliquely referred to in canon as And His Friend if then he's The (Musician's) Friend here to [lo cocodrilo] to kick#things off. could be [guy who kinda almost killed me] but isn't for nonzero reasons lol
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#delete later#two senior ppl at my job are leaving and im super stressed about it. i don't think my job is in jeopardy or whatever but shits changing#and i hate that. We've got more projects from a secondary client so thats going well. but eurgh. a nightmare. im not especially surprised#about either though. the one got fucked over by the client last year and the other has health difficulties#that i imagine are being negatively affected by working so much.#eurgh. stressful. both of them are nice.#im happy for them both. but also stressed.#in other news my new budget is working well. I've been able to put money back in my savings for two months now. im getting a handle#on what to prioritise in terms of chores and energy expense. im baking and really enjoying it - theres something so wonderful#about making yourself a treat for the week on the weekend. like hey work is hard but im gonna make this gift for morning me#im on top of my laundry which is probably thr most surprising thing. on top of self care. washing up and hoovering continue to be very#difficult for me but im getting better. i have a little more motivation to do physio again. and like a lot of this is that the winter blues#are leaving me. and the grief is. not fading but is less all present. i still start to panic every couple days and get upset but. i can#breathe through it now a little easier. this week ive actually felt capable at work. ive written around 900 lines of code and problem#solved a massive amount. i still feel. bad. but i have more moments of good. and im getting better at messaging ppl when i realise#that i feel lonely. thats good progress. I feel small but alive and thats an improvement#oh yeah i also figured out a way to track taking my meds bc i couldnt just Do it anymore. progress!
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wait, Derin how did your leaving make the hospital shut down?
I used to work as a live-in nanny for a pediatrician.
Now, the thing about hospitals in my country is that they are massively understaffed and massively underfunded. This is especially true outside the major cities. The staff are worked to the bone and receive little to no help in things like finding accommodation or childcare, making working in rural areas a very uninviting prospect; staff come out here, get lumped with the work of three people (because there's nobody else to do it), burn out under the workload and leave, meaning that those remaining have even more work because that person is gone. It's unsustainable and the medical staff are doing their best to sustain it, because people die if they don't, so to the higher-ups it looks like everything's getting done and therefore everything is fine.
My friend (and boss) worked one week on, one week off, swapping out with another pediatrician. This was necessary because it would not be physically possible for one person to handle the workload for longer periods of time. The one single pediatrician had to hold up the entire pediatrics ward, which was not only the only public hospital pediatrics ward in our town, but also the one that served all the towns around us for a few hours' drive in all directions. I regularly saw her go to work sick, aching, tired, or with a debilitating 'I can barely make words or see' level migraine, because if she took a day off, twenty children didn't get healthcare that day, and some of these kids' appointments were scheduled weeks in advance. She'd work long hours in the day and then be called in a couple of times overnight for an hour or two at a time (she was on-call at night too, because somebody had to be), and then go in the next day. Sometimes she would be forced to take a day off because she physically could not stay awake for longer than a few minutes at a time, meaning she couldn't drive to work.
Cue my niece's second birthday coming up in Melbourne. I'd been working for her for about 3 years, and she (and the hospital) had plenty of advance warning that I (and therefore she) needed one (1) Friday off. That's fine, we'll find someone to work that Friday, the hospital said. Right up until the last week where they're like "oh, we can't find a replacement; you can come in, can't you?"
No, she tells them; I don't have anyone to watch my kid that day.
Oh, surely you can hire a babysitter for this one day, they say. Think of the children! We really really need you to work that day. I know we said it'd be fine but we need you now, there's no one else to do it.
There are no other babysitters, she told them. Unless you can find one?
That's not our responsibility, they said.
But I'm not changing my plans, she's got plans by now as well, the hospital knew about this one day weeks in advance, and with absolutely no reserve staff they're forced to reschedule all pediatrics appointments for that Friday. Not a huge deal, it happens on the 'physically too overworked to get out of bed' days too. I go to Melbourne, she goes back to her home in Adelaide for her recovery week, all should be on track.
My niece gives me Covid.
This was way back in the first wave of the pandemic, and there were no Covid vaccines yet. The rules were isolate, mask up, hope. I had Covid in the house, and it would've been madness for my friend and her toddler to come back into the Covid house instead of staying in Adelaide. There was absolutely no way that a pediatrician could live with someone in quarantine due to Covid and go to work in the hospital with sick children every day. And no support existed for finding another babysitter, or temporary accommodation, so the hospital was down a pediatrician.
The other pediatrician wasn't available to do a three-week stint. They were also trapped in Adelaide on their well-earned week off.
Meaning that the only major pediatrics ward within a several-hour radius had no pediatricians. They had to shut down and send all urgent cases to Adelaide for the week. To the complete absence of surprise of any of the doctors or nurses; of course this would happen, this was bound to happen, it presumably keeps happening. But probably to the surprise of the higher-ups. After all, the hospital was doing fine, right? Of course all the staff were complaining of overwork and a lack of resources in every meeting, but they could always be fobbed off with the promise of more help sometime in the future; the work was mostly getting done, so the issue couldn't be too urgent.
It's not like some nanny who doesn't even work for the hospital could go out of town for a weekend for the first time in three years, and get the only public pediatrics ward in the area shut down for a week.
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