#last time i was this disappointed over something was skyward sword

[ganondoodle]

you know, as if it wasnt already boring enough that both link and zelda got back to their 'perfect' physical selves without any consquences from all that happened, the fact that zelda doesnt even remember anything either is just adding insult to injury

although it was also a lil disappointing at the end of botw that zelda didnt age even a little bit or had any other physical change at least she was conscious during the time she sealed calamity ganon in the castle and it overall feels less illogical

when you get the mastersword back in totk you get a cutscene of zelda with it after she had already transformed which kinda .... is weird? she seemed pretty awake there, and it being right after transforming is strange since the mastersword was already restored in that cutscene, i would expect it to be a slow progress- that said .. it also seemed like her soul was doing pretty fine, unlike how mineru said that you lose your soul when you do the dragon thingy; i guess it could be that that was jsut a thing that was believed without knowing if its true but ... why even mention it then, just to dangle some consequence in front of us only to reveal there wasnt any danger actually?

also someone (i think) commented once that zelda being turned back in that weird way was meant to be that she got time reversed .. which ... okay??? the teleport to that weird nakey floating dimension is still a weird choice to me (yes i know its probably the spirit realm or soemthing and thats why the ghosts that went poff already were there but it still feels off to me) .. aynway, i guess it was meant that ghost sonia + rauru did the give power to link thing that sonia and zelda did to rauru when he magic laser blasted all those poor moldoras (and never does it again ... why not magic laser blast away gan instead he was pretty openly standing on that rock problem solved hfldshnflsnjlfs) and that time reversed the dragon thing .... but aside from the symbol for the time thingy lighting up theres no indication for it if i remember right? its just some awkward looking magic beam blast save zelda edition (tm) why not at least include the clear tök sound that goes off when you use time reversal in game? would it have been both more clear AND cool if link was still standing on her head, the world gets that spirit realm filter like it did in skyward sword to indicate that theres a shift, then have the ghosties appear and let you as the player select time thingy and then her, ghosties give you their energy and the sound of time reversal goes off, the schemes of the world below goes black and white and start to shift; you dont need to literally show the path zelda had been flying over those thousands of years, but make the world a blurry mess and let the music speed up so you feel like you are actually doing something and then she turns back maybe near the temple of time (zonau edition) so its near the place where she was last human, the filters and ghosts disappear and whoop you got your epic falling scene ... but i would like to have zelda still remember it, otherwise it just feels .. weirdly manipulative? like lets reverse your brain and memory zelda no dont worry i meant good lmao trust me

that is if it was meant to be read as a time reversal on her .... but then i question why it wasnt used beforehand? couldnt you have done that to ganondorf even? if sonia and rauru can give you enough energy as ghosts then why couldnt sonia reappear after getting one-punche-mand-to-death or when you fight gan in the present time? is the excuse that he was so miasmafied or deep below the earth that the spirit world thing isnt in reach? couldnt you have done it after he did the dragon thing then? or is it a one time thing so they saved it for zelda? but then why didnt sonia get her ghost ass back there immediately after she died and time revrsed gan getting the enigma stone? ALSO if it was a time reversal on zelda where did the stone go??? shouldnt it be time reversaled out of her in some way to undo the dragon thing? where it go?? also to time reversal a body gotta be different to getting her soul back?? or was it just never gone so what mineru said about the risk was literally jsut so it seemed more tragic when it really wasnt??? like the apparent possibilty that the time reversal CAN be used on living things and not just objects makes me question it all even more?

(also was it meant to imply that rauru somehow through his arm got them both into the ghosty dimension?? bc how did they get there, and why cant they do it again? if spirits are fine over there even if they already went poof then why act so sad about mineru fking off like that? just go back there and say hi? njfkdnjkdj)

like im sorry i cant help but overthink all of this, with every supposedly explanation i just question it more?? i dont want to sound like one of those guys that go -OoHoh there was no clear text explanation for it so i dont knooooOOOOoOw i dont know how to use ma braiiin it makes no seeeensee- or maybe i am? i dont need an explanation for everything, in fact i LIKE when there are unexplained things, but it still has to feel .. whole? there are unexplained things that make a world and story feel more mystical without taking you out of it, but theres also a way to leave things both over AND underexplained with it seemingly contradicting itself or it just trusting that you take it all at face value and never think about it that it just feels off, the the first big moment where i felt SO taken out of the game i felt actually stunned was when i was at the shrine of life and it wasnt there anymore, at all, the cave shaped like a vague imitation of it, i felt like the game was laughing at me for being so distraught about it, like what you remember and care about the game this new one was supposed to be a sequel to? lmao, anyway theres a puddle of healing water :)))

idk i just ... if its not obvious already zelda is my special thingy so of course i overthink and criticize it in ways that may seem insane to the average person, but thats just how i work i guess :/

(i am still too thinking so much about how it all feels like such an afterthought, like especially with the weird time bubbles that literally NEVER COME UP AGAIN???? WHAT WAS THE POINT??? AND WHERE DID THEY COME FROM??? and why youd choose to suddendly give zelda time powers out of nowhere and then basically not do anything with it?? zelda astral projecting to the temple of time somehow even tho her soul was lost but is also fine just to give you the time reversal gimmick is so ?? oh wow look at that zelda gave you her sage oath before you even knew about them look how coool ok but how? and why? it wasnt the actual engima stone you touch to go into ghosty world either just like a .. a weird ghost of it, it just feels off man, ok you got zelda out the way and have your neat gimmicks and uuuh dang we need to find a way to give them to you idk lol listen, i KNOW you are not supposed to question it, i KNOW they always go gameplay over story but goddamn the story ruined the gameplay for me bc everytime i think about playing it again i just get reminded of the things that dont make sense or are just so .. lackluster in ways that even botws worst parts didnt)

[amnesiacsleepy]

Alright so ive had time to think about it and I believe I finally realize why TotK's Sage system is so much more annoying to use than BotW's champion abilities (spoilers for TotK btw. i mean its been a month+ since release but yeah)

When you get a new champion ability in BotW, it's mapped to an appropriate button, or is the next best thing. Daruk's protection is a forcefield that is passively on the shield button, Revali's Gale is an updraft on the jump button, Urbosa's fury is a charge-attack upgrade in the attack button, and Mipha's Grace is a fully passive heal that functions like a fairy except it's a full heal.

All of these powers are set to their own button, making them intuitive to use. This even applies to the Master Cycle, which is a rune, which is a completely separate button, the L button.

In TotK, however, none of the abilities the sages have are passive. You have to run over to them, press A, and then you can use it (in Yunobo's case you have to press a AGAIN which really disrupts the flow of gameplay). The closest comparison I can make is Persona 4 using awful menuing and scrolling a bunch to Persona 5's use of unique buttons, except they did this backwards.

This doesn't even mention when you want to use one sage's ability, but end up using another one because they all go if fighting enemies even if you dont want them to. I genuinely have not used Riju's lightning strike since finishing the Lightning Temple despite how god damn strong it is.

None of this even touches on how much of a one-man army Link is, especially after grabbing a full set of attack up armor. The sages become borderline irrelevant (minus Tulin, he's AWESOME).

Even when you get a fucking mech that you can fuse thing on to like flamethrowers and rockets its still not worth losing the flurry rush and other faster and straight up better attacks you can do off the mech, which also takes battery power and you can still take damage on. And if you use it to get over gloom/lava then a hoverbike is just more convinient for how cheap and fast you can make them.

Something else I have a problem with is the Sage's Will system which essentially lets you deepen your connection with the sages for four per sage. This is supposed to mirror BotW's Champion's ballad quest, where you go around the map collection emblems for each champion and then getting a faster recharge tike for each, which I have my own problems with, but thats for another time.

Each sage bond you deepen increases their damage. That's it. It doesn't enchance their abilities at all, which is a real disappointment.

They could have made Sidon's water shield last longer/for three hits, to closer mirror Daruk's Protection. Riju's lightning could have become a fusion to your arrows, Tulin's gust could have blown farther, and Yunobo's could have created a bigger explosion or have him roll faster. But then, I guess the Sages would have had to become stronger themselves, which maybe that's future DLC? But we don't know now so I'm not giving the benefit if the doubt.

As for how to fix it, Sidon's could be just a bonus to your shield like Daruk was. Riju's could,as previously mentioned, been an arrow fuse with a cooldown.

As for Yunobo and Tulin, I'm not as sure. But instead if forcing them onto a button, why not just... make the buttons reprogramable like in OoT, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Minish Cap, Wind Waker, the Oracle games, A Link to the Past, A Link Between Worlds, and MORE.

Why Nintendo did away with the reprogrammable buttons system is beyond me, but being able to put a specific rune/weapon/sage ability/throwable material/zonai devine/etc. would make things a lot more manageable.

The kicker is, there's already a SUPER watered-down version of it, with the rune, shield, weapon, and bow buttons. You cant swap what's on there in the sense you cant have multiple weapons or runes, but you CAN choose which one is used when you press the buttons.

But then we need to figure out which buttons would be reprogrammable, and I propose that first we swap the jump button to A like in so maby other games. Does it screw up muscle memory? For sure, but by doing this we can have Y, X, L, R, D-pad Up, D-pad Left, D-pad Right, and D-pad down as reprogrammable (you can manually put in whistle too I guess). This would free up a bunch of space for the player to put things, and allow for a bunch of freedom on what is put onto the reprogrammed buttons. To change them, you coukd just go into your menu and choose from there, whether its a weapon, a sage ability, or anything else mentioned above.

I'm not completely certain this would solve all the problems the game has, but I do think it would be a huge QoL. Maybe too big, they might have to make that system in a whole new Zelda game in like 15 years.

[heinousactszx]

more than any other game, ocarina of time is an icon. it's, pardon the term, a legend. it tops more "greatest games of all time" lists than any other. so many fans least it as their favorite zelda, as their favorite game period. its influence is undeniable, every 3d action game made in the last 25 years owes something to ocarina. even breath of the wild, critically acclaimed in its own right and hugely impactful on the gaming landscape even in just the 6 years its been out, feels like it can't hold a candle to ocarina's legacy

and... I don't like it

this game was so impossibly hyped up that when i finally got to play the 3ds remake, i was only disappointed. it felt clunky, slow, the combat wasn't as fun as the 2d games, and the story seemed to drag.

something you should know about me is that I don't usually give games multiple chances. if i play a game for 1-2 hours and it's not grabbing me, that's it. I have tried to play ocarina at least 5 times over the last decade, never making it past death mountain, which is a testament to this game's reputation

i thought it would be one of those games that just passes me by, but then I decided to do this playthrough. and if i'm gonna play em all, i gotta play ocarina. no abandoning it this time, I'm gonna go all the way through no matter what. i suppose if I could beat skyward sword, this can't be that bad

[almorrall]

Wheel of Fire

Heat rifled up Gasc’s ears as he moved to a tower of kitchen drawers. Pulling out the second and third from the bottom, he climbed up, reaching for numbers five and six on his way to the top. He stood on the pulled-out drawers, balancing so they wouldn’t eject, as he reached for the top one. His toes started to wiggle as the drawer under them complained. Closing his fingers, he pulled out the drawer, stretching his arms ever higher as he reached inside. Managing to extract a mahogany chest, he lifted it above his head with two hands like a champion’s prize. Sidling the chest under his arm and closing each drawer on his careful descent, he reached the kitchen floor.

Inside was his family’s greatest treasure: fine silver cutlery. He was on his way to sell them at market for a night on the town. No more would he wash floors and scrub pans. His father had neglected him for the last Saturn’s Eve, and this would be his. The congregation would look down on him no more. After spending a pittance on drink and food, he would secure his passage for the New World, leaving this life of drudgery behind. He doubted his father would miss his presence, just the old silver. There was only one problem. Children needed chaperones in the Pleasure District.

Padding downstairs, a thunderclap rattled the temple he and his father called home. This was followed by a splash which was strange. Normally the canal’s flow was peaceful this late at night. He was sure it was no phantasmagoric beast from his daydreams and adventure tomes. Waking life was so bereft of excitement, and nowhere was this truer here than in this strange city his father’s work dragged them to. Passing rows of worn pews, he peered through the double doors’ keyhole. A fetid breeze blew through, shriveling his nose.

Opening the door, he beheld the river that brought the city’s trade, stretching across the horizon. Beside the river, carriages and pedestrians bustled on cobble streets. City-goers delighted in adult debauchery, and he was soon to join them. His father wanted him inside studying his letters, but he would be disappointed. Rainless clouds hung like dour curtains. The world hungered for release, to cure the city’s humid staleness. Looking skyward, Gasc wondered at the thunder, glimpsing a red dot hovering over the river. He’d never noticed it, scratching the first stubble on his chin.

A soft patter of waves lapped the shore, broken by the sound of something rising from the water.

Gasc shut the door at once. The world was full of danger, and perhaps this was some terrible beast. Setting down the precious chest, he crossed the sanctuary to pass through a door beside the altar. His father sat glaring at him from behind square spectacles. Gasc studied his father's technique: maneuvering his quill like a master fencer. His father rarely spoke, at least to him. When he wasn’t preaching on Sabbath, he wrote sermons. Watching letters take form, the lad recognized every other one. He had no patience for them like his father did.

"Gascoigne!” Father Eugene pounded on the desk, toppling his inkwell. The preacher squealed, grabbing a handkerchief to rake it across his soiled parchment. “Never interrupt my writing! Times like these, I wish your mother were still alive.”

“Me too,” Gasc sniffed, balling his fists. “Father, I heard something outside. In the river.”

“Bah, nothing but wind and words. It’s getting late and tomorrow is Sabbath. Begone, and don’t disturb me again."

Gasc left before his father saw him cry. Once the door shut, his tears fell to the floor. Pews ringed him like a silent congregation, mocking his weakness. He padded to a stained-glass window depicting the warrior-saint Sabbaeus, silver sword hailing Paradise.  Peering out through the golden lens, made luminescent by a moon that hung at eye level, he touched the cold, sanctified glass. A noisome night in the riverport of Barrowdir played out before him.

Three weeks before, his father was called up to serve at a temple of his own in this cursed city. He was given a derelict ruin on a marshy stretch of river, into which folk dumped all manner of waste. Often, an empty crate of dream tar, or a clutch of bloated corpses gathered on the banks outside. Nonetheless, it bordered the Pleasure District, Barrowdir’s greatest attraction. One could sin all night and cross the canal to be absolved in the morning at their temple. Some came straight from nights in the district, still stinking of horrors.

Out there in the night, Gasc watched his father’s congregation sin in the evening with painted ladies. They spat on beggars, but only had spare coin for the collection plate on Sabbath. For this, Father Eugene strived. His sermons had to be immaculate to bring in nobles who bought forgiveness with gold. Father Eugene never had time for Gasc, not since his wife passed. It seemed he lost two parents that day. Her sickness overtook her, much like the city’s beggars, coughing up blood until she was small as a babe.

Gasc denied his father’s religion, the compulsion to remain meek before the storm. No more would he fall in line with the hollow creed. The only time was now.

A scratch came from outside the main doors, prompting Gasc to peer through the keyhole once more. Slowly, he pushed the door open, sighting that strange red orb over the river again.

“Boy,” came a gravelly sound from the ditch beside the temple. In the space where rainwater drained, a wet mound of fur rolled to face him. Two curved horns stretched from the beast’s great head, and it grunted as it rose on two hooves. Backing away, Gasc covered his mouth, but no sound would come. “Have you got anything to eat?” it asked, seeming to shake the ground as it moved. The creature was full eight feet tall and corded with iron bands of muscle.

“Wh-what are you?” Gasc stammered.

“Once a man, exiled to this time and place,” the creature’s eyes were foggy and distant. “I’ve been cursed with the form of a minotaur.”

“A time traveler? Ridiculous. Though I did hear something slosh in the river.”

“Nearly drowned in that putrid runoff. Barely made it to your temple. In my world priests turn none away.”

“Well, I wouldn’t ask my father for favors. You’re a monster!”

“I am no beast,” The creature’s lip trembled, falling to one knee. “But I’m hungry.” His great chest heaved with the effort to draw breath. Though he appeared formidable, his ribs showed, fur was patchy, and muzzle discolored.

“Alright, I’ll give you some food. But only if you go away.”

“Go away. If only I could. I am not only cursed but banished so it seems I’m stuck here.”

“Alright, well come around to the back.” Gasc led the minotaur out of sight before bringing him an armful of bread, cheese, and a rare shank of salted beef his father saved for holidays. Setting the food down, he watched the minotaur devour a sourdough loaf in seconds.

“So, you were cursed with this form? Are you telling me magic is real?”

“In my time, yes. A dark god gave me this form. Its demon servants can’t be far behind.” Gasc’s face turned pale as the minotaur ate. “Hmmmf, this is good. What is it?”

“Never heard of beef?”

“Well, I wasn’t born a cow,” the minotaur chuckled.

“What do I call you?”

“I’ve forgotten my name and much of my past. I was a great warrior, that’s all I know.”

“Built like that you’d be the greatest warrior in Ambryn! How about Marduk? That’s the Sangoli God of war. Mard for short?”

“Mard. An ugly name.”

“Well, you’re not very pretty.”

“And what’s yours?”

“Gasc.”

“Even worse,” the minotaur belched an ungodly sound as he finished his meal.

“I’ve got an idea,” Gasc snapped his fingers. “You’ve emptied our pantry, so we’ll need coin if you want more food. Let’s visit the Pleasure District’s fighting pits. Stay here.”

Gasc retrieved the mahogany chest he’d pilfered from the kitchen. He could’ve sold the family cutlery for food, but he had other ideas.

#

His father forbade him from the Pleasure District for children were not allowed without chaperones. Mard looked like an adult so Gasc would be permitted to enter. Both feeling out of place, he sensed a bond with this minotaur, however strange. Mard seemed to share his desire to drink life in full, or at least ‘eat the whole pantry.’ On a night like this, there was no time to waste in the pursuit of adventure and excitement.

Covered in a cloak, Mard’s horns were hidden, and Gasc led him across the canal to the fens, passing more academies, cathedrals, and brownstone manses.  Finally, they reached Moortown, lying in the shadow of high kleptocracy, where pirates, rumrunners, and fur traders settled. Further down, mossy green walls and spiraling arena seats welcomed them to the fighting pits.  Past Barrowdir’s western gates lay the frontier, perilous highways, and impassable countryside. Gasc had never been this far west, a land of fantasy and wonder in his eager mind.

Moortown was neither clean nor orderly. People and their hovels popped up at random. Cows ate cobble grass, and herders nursed hangovers in wagons of hay. Flagons of ale and bottles of brandy lined the streets, slipping from drunken fingers. Passing the medicated masses, they entered the fighting pits where a crowd raged more raucous than any in all the land. They slurred fight songs of Barrowdir, eager to see the games.

Arena platforms loomed above, upon which swarmed hordes of rabid spectators. Flanked by guards, clerks checked tickets for the games. Gasc led Mard to a concession stall on the main causeway. Golden helmets, miniature trumpets, and silken scarves of many colors lined the stall. Behind the counter was an Ambrish lady only a few years older than Gasc. He approached, clutching the mahogany chest he pilfered from his kitchen’s top drawer. Setting it on the counter, he nodded to her and gulped.

“Milady, I’ve some goods to sell. I see you take an appreciation for fine metals, and I need coin to purchase tickets for the games.”

“Not the usual request,” she grinned slyly, opening the chest. Silver shone in her green eyes as her smile grew. Gasc wringed his hands, feeling sweat drip off them. Mard leaned against the counter, sniffing about for food. The lad reached up and smacked the disguised minotaur on the shoulder.

“Usually I’m the one selling,” said the lady. “But you’ve got Sangoli silver here. I’ll give you fifty gold lilies for the cutlery.”

“Oh,” Gasc bit his lip. “Thank you, milady. That would be grand!”

“No ‘milady’ needed, my name is Adara.” Her smile was like summer sunshine, even tinged by irony, and he had no idea how to respond. No woman had ever treated him like an adult before. For once he’d combed back his hair and put on formal dress robes. He hadn’t worn them since confirmation. They were wool and hot as sin but made him look older.

“A-and I’m Gasc.”

“Here to see the games?”

“Well yes. But I’ve got a fighter to enter as well.”

“You better hurry then. Perhaps I’ll see you inside?”

Gasc nodded three times, before Mard pulled him away with a sack of gold in his hands. The minotaur rasped, “So, I’m doing some fighting, eh? What’s in it for me?”

“Food,” Gasc said at once. “And gold! What more could you want?”

Mard scratched his muzzle as Gasc ushered him down to the gladiator level.

Gasc found a seat halfway up the stands. He wanted front row but determined not to squander his gold. It was more than he’d ever had, and if he wanted to escape his father’s wrath, he’d have to save some for passage across the sea. For now, he watched the games, with a flagon of ale in hand. Tipping it back, he nearly wretched at the taste but looked around and saw other men drinking with ease. The second sip tasted better.

A bell tolled on the governor’s pavilion as the games began. The usual warm-up matches ensued, gladiators armed with tridents and nets stalked each other. When one was caught, they asked the governor and the crowd how to dispatch them. Gasc rose to his feet, shouting with glee. It was the first time he saw men fight like this and the emotion took hold of him.

Enraptured by the melee below, Gasc didn’t notice a female form sit next to him until he turned left. Nearly falling from his seat, he took a moment to catch his breath. Adara laughed at his side, slapping his knee, and tipping back her own flagon.

“Enjoying the games, Gasc?”

“Quite so,” he nodded, unable to look directly into her green eyes. They shone like beacons and made him feel warmth he hadn’t felt before.

“Now, our main event!” called the ringmaster. A squad of six warriors in glinting breastplates marched onto the sand. “Let’s hear it for your champions, the Golden Governors!” Cheers consumed the crowd like a wave of madness.

Gasc frowned, mutter, “I hope the golden pricks all get maimed.”

“What was that?” Adara asked. Gasc shrugged and pretended he hadn’t spoken.

With the backing of Barrowdiran nobles, they wore gilded helms plumed with horsehair and shining broadswords to match their armor. They almost resembled centurions of old, which Gasc had only read of in books.

Now on his third flagon, a gamble popped into Gasc’s mind, and he couldn’t prevent it from passing his lips. “I’ll wager forty gold at twenty-to-tone odds that a Golden Governor gets bloodied this day.”

“Agreed,” Adara grinned. Gasc regretted his words almost immediately.

He watched with bated breath, turning to horror as the Golden Governors dominated their inferior opponents without losing a drop of blood. Gasc grabbed what gold pieces remained his, filling his pockets and left the sack for Adara. “But wait,” she said. “There’s another contender.”

“A last-minute entry,” barked the ringmaster. “We’ve got one last challenger! It’s the mystery giant Mard!”

Confused responses reverberated through the crowd: questions, groans and facepalms. Gasc leaned forward, wondering how they could place Mard against the governors in his first match. It was suicide!

The eight-foot mystery contender approached in his voluminous cloak. With a single tear, he ripped the cloth from his body, revealing sinewy muscle and naught but a loincloth beneath. A broadsword rested on his belt, which he drew with vigor, turning mad eyes on the governors.

Spectators watched, baffled and unresponsive as shock rolled over their faces. None had seen a creature like this before.

“Wh-what is Mard?” bellowed the ringmaster. “Are beasts allowed in this round?”

Gasc couldn’t look away, mouth agape, and Adara’s expression soured at once. The crowd grew silent, watching their gold slip away on the minotaur’s shoulders. Moments later, the six Golden Governors laid sprawled on the sand and Mard rested the blade on his shoulder. A flurry of onions, tomatoes and radishes hurled at the minotaur.

“There must be some mistake!” called the ringmaster. “This contestant cheated!”

Twelve sentries in chainmail bearing halberds trudged into the arena. Mard leveled his sword, facing new foes.

#

Gasc awoke on a damp stone floor, bathed in darkness.  He shivered, hugging his legs in the corner of a cell.  To his left, he saw Mard chained in the next cell over.  Both eyes were bruised, one lip bloodied, and sword cuts covered his fur.  The beast had seen better days.  How such a creature came to be, Gasc could not fathom.  His world was one of men ruling others with coin and iron. There were no monsters, no beasts who fought like mad, until today.

Finding his feet, he moved to a window overlooking Ystrin river. He gripped the sill as foul breeze washed over him.  Gasc wondered what became of Adara or his gold. He won that wager but now he was penniless, imprisoned for entering a non-human combatant in the arena. He never imagined spending all the gold in one night. This was to be the first day in the rest of his life. The ship back across the sea would never come for him now.

“There is no justice,” he breathed. “No saints, no gods, nothing but savagery.”

Again, Gasc spied the red orb hovering in the night sky. It grew larger as he looked, leaving a bright trail, descending toward the city.  Dread wrenched his gut, expelling three pints on the stone floor.  Frantic eyes returned to see carriages roll past the river's edge.  Flickers of scarlet shone on the river’s glassy surface. Gasc watched as the crimson orb spewed flame in all directions.  Hovering over the river, it hung in air for what felt like an eternity. 

Gooseflesh covered Gasc’s body.  The minotaur thrashed his head, groaning.  In a blinding flash of light, the orb erupted, illuminating heaven above and the faces of onlookers below.  Spiraling claws of flame lanced over the river, coalescing in a wheel of fire that spun on its side. Carriages stopped in their tracks.  Onlookers babbled as they approached the water's edge, pulled along as if by an invisible thread.

Dispersing as quickly as it appeared, night closed around the wheel of fire.  Out from its depths dropped an irregular but rounded form.  It slipped from the blaze to splash two hundred yards from Gasc’s window.  Only he seemed to see the shape, as he was closest, and no onlookers reacted. Closing his eyes, the otherworldly sight was burned into his memory, and his mind unraveled to explain.  Gasc stared at the water, seeking out movement within the Ystrin’s gentle lap.

With the roar of a raging tempest, the wheel of fire collapsed in on itself until nothing remained but a yellow mist that hugged the river. Silver moonlight created a golden haze, obscuring what lay beneath. City-dwellers shrugged and returned to their carriages or evening strolls.

As folk turned away, a tentacle broke the river’s surface, ascending skyward. Gasc stammered, trying to get the minotaur’s attention.  Shuddered gasps rippled through the onlookers, as the tentacle rose high above before slamming into the pier. Shards of wood erupted as the tentacle flailed, reaching higher on the bank. It wrapped its suction cups around the wheel of a carriage. The carriage was dragged, tearing up cobbles, prompting shrieks from nearby people. Its driver unhooked his horses just in time before the carriage was launched into the air over the Ystrin. It landed with a horrific splash, sinking from sight.

Waters churned where the carriage sank as tentacles appeared, crushing down. The family who’d been inside moments before scrambled up the bank. A wave of terror propelled the masses away, but the beast had a taste for carnage. More tentacles emerged, reaching to grab people by their ankles. With tremendous force, they were snapped back down the bank, into the roiling shallows.

A grunt at Gasc’s side made him jump. He flinched as Mard flexed, shattering his manacles to pieces.  He tore the chain that bound his hooves and slid off the wall. Cracking his iron-banded neck, he kicked down his cell door. Gasc’s door burst open next, as Mard bent to rub his knees. Pained gasps escaped his muzzle, as Gasc saw the full extent of the beating he suffered from Barrowdir’s guards. Mard shook his head to the side, indicating Gasc should move.  Sidling as close to the wall as possible, he sucked in his breath.

Mard crouched and bowed like a sprinter before exploding forward. His horns blasted through the brick wall, and he found himself hovering in midair over the river before plummeting into the waters below.  The boy peered out through a gap the size and shape of an eight-foot minotaur. As waters raged at his jump, Mard swam toward the beast. With a mind-cleaving squeal, the beast submerged. Gasc watched an ominous current cross to the space below his perch.

Gasc watched as a bulbous head emerged from the water. Its head was covered in a dozen blue orbs that focused on its prey.  The boy doubled over, as an odor like fetid flesh wafted from the thousand-toothed jaws of the beast.  His feet froze to the floor as he stared into the many eyes of madness.  Six tentacles reached out, converging on Gasc from different angles. He trembled as into the noxious maw opened wide.

Before the lipless mouth could wrap around his head, it recoiled, slamming shut short of his face.  The beast reeled backward, tentacles framing the air around Gasc. Spinning on its side, the ovular beast thrashed as a darker form clung to its backside. Rolling, Gasc lost sight of the human-sized shape that hung to its round, smooth flesh.  Before fighting the urge to vomit again, Gasc buried the fear deep within. He climbed out over the Ystrin, making his way across the dungeon wall, and dropping to the street beyond. Once there, he sprinted toward his father’s temple.

What dark creature had appeared from the portal, Gasc could not say. It too was unlike anything he had seen before today. Perhaps it was linked to Mard, but Gasc knew only the minotaur could defeat such a creature.

His father waited for him outside the temple, sermon tome nestled under his arm, as he watched his son approach. "Quickly, inside with you!" he urged his son.  Gasc slapped his father's hand away.

"I will not! My friend is fighting that beast. I’ll not leave him to be killed by it.”

“Your friend? What are you talking about? Come inside, we must pray!”

“Your god never warned of beasts from other worlds. What good is he now?”

"Gascoigne! Get inside now!" His father reached again, still clutching the tome in his other hand. "I won’t lose you too!"

"No!" cried the boy, slapping the tome from his father's hand. Its pages fell to the cobbles.  His father shrieked, cradling the tome like an infant in his arms. His parchment was smeared with mud, ink running.  Gasc shook his head, as a geyser of water plumed in the river nearby. He ran to the bank, watching the turmoil wreaked from Mard’s underwater struggle. A wave engulfed the bank, revealing tentacles that clung to the earth with spiny cups. As all twelve eyes and tentacles appeared, Mard was hurled to tumble across the bank.

The lad looked over his shoulder, as the minotaur rose before yanking the spoke off a carriage wheel. He held it like a club as the beast thrashed again, unveiling fetid jaws, and yowling like an aquatic panther. Gasc sprinted up the bank, attempting to escape their next clash. A tentacle whipped around his calf as he was sucked toward the beast’s jaws. Gasc stared into his doom, growing closer each second, before a scent of wet leather arrived.

Mard plunged the wooden spoke into a saucer-like eye, splattering his muzzle with grey goo. The resultant screech caused boy and minotaur to clamp their ears in agony.

“Begone, foul beast!” Gasc heard from the cobbles above. His father approached, wielding the temple’s relic: an ancient longsword. In Eugene’s other hand, he clutched his sermon book, like a paladin defending his temple. Gasc knew his father was no warrior, and he tried to cry out, to warn him before it was too late.

Lured by the preacher’s call, the beast lashed its tentacles to the bank and rolled forward with sickening speed. Its barbed cups caught hold of the preacher’s robe, dragging him closer. The relic sword clattered to the cobbles. Its toothy maw gaped wide and Gasc whimpered in the mud. Before the jaws descended, a furry form closed the distance.

Snatching up the longsword, Mard plunged its tip into the creature’s backside. Driving it up through tenuous flesh, the beast sheared their minds with one last wail. Writhing in a maelstrom of tentacles, the beast turned on Mard, flinging stones and tearing out his fur. The minotaur roared, slashing again to split the beast’s twelve eyes down the middle.

#

Gasc’s head was pounding as his vision returned. He searched his body and found no injury, defying all expectation. The otherworldly beast’s rank maw still roared in his ears, its breath filling his senses. Shaking his head, he emerged from his pantry bedroom.

Entering the kitchen, he found his father wielding a rolling pin like a club before a towering mound of fur.

“Father, this is Mard!” Gasc cried. “He saved your life.”

Mard sighed a cavernous noise, holding great paws out to either side.

“This beast?” Eugene growled, legs shaking. “There’s no reason for any of this. It’s all just chaos. And was that otherworldly beast from your world as well?”

“For that I must apologize,” Mard sighed. “It may’ve been sent by the demon god who cursed me.”

“Demons? Well, you’ll not find shelter here!”

A knock came at the main door downstairs. Gasc trotted down to see who it was, finding Adara the merchant joined by Eugene’s whole congregation. For once their eyes were warm and glad, bearing bags and glittering valuables. Adara’s green eyes shone brighter than all the rest.

“I’ve come to make a donation,” Adara jingled a sack of coin before Gasc. “And so have the rest of these folk, for saving the city from that monster. Seems their prayers were answered.”

“Father!” Gasc called up the stairs. “I think you’re going to like this.”

Behind the crowd of well-wishers, Gasc spotted the remains of the beast from the river. Its flesh had melted into the shore, and its skeleton laid half-dissolved like gelatin. Professors from the university across the canal studied the parts as beggars milled in the river’s waters. Gasc squinted to see what the beggars stuffed into buckets: pale, squirming worms that resembled tentacles from the beast.

[heroes-never-discourse]

So, there was an afterbuzz interview with the Voltron creators....

Man I've just like. Had absolutely no desire to seek out talk about Voltron. I've made my peace with the ending and I've holed myself away in my little Sheith and Allurance corner like I've been doing since I started watching the show and I've been happy there.

I have skimmed over some talk about it on Liz's blog and that's about all the interest I can care to give. I'm glad to have it confirmed that the epilogue was a last minute addition and that the ending was supposed to be kinda open, that's nice that's what I wanted to hear four months ago.

Which is my main point of irritation. I dunno what the situation was concerning talking about it but I really wish they'd done this like, four months ago. We just went way too long without a goddamn word about it that now I can't help but just be like

[lemonlurkrr]

@aureateart​ ok. My favourite parts of twilight princess  (and some other random thoughts about TP sprinkled in there) taken from my monster TP word vomit google doc :

Link lmao

Ok but for real, I like this incarnation of Link :)

I love Ordon (it just seems like such a chill and cozy village)

ALSO love how easy it is to interpret Link as being a sort of older brother figure to the Ordon kiddos. It’s just,, super cute? AND GHHH nice nice good thanks nintendo for giving me characters to care about/characters that I can imagine Link caring about

He didn’t sign up for any of this (tbh, none of the Links really signed up for this jshdjsd). But I mean like, dude was just going to take a trip to castle town, drop a gift off for the royal family, and come back. But haHA oopsies he did get to castle town eventually but definitely not the way he expected hsjdhsd

He’s just a little dude?

AND FUCK. HE REALLY HAD NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF ORDON UNTIL ALL OF THAT

everything is new for the player AND Link

Midna

She’s cool :)

she really just

*teleports into your jail cell* hello whore.

I am no master at writing but AYYYY she do got a character arc!!!

She was actually pretty helpful sometimes, I ALWAYS checked in with her before turning to a game guide

Other NPCs

NICE

Love all of the TP character designs (ASHEI’S ARMOUR??? AOWOAOAOOAO)

Saving Zelda and all of Hyrule was important yea but thinking back maybe it was more like, the Ordonians and the kids were what was pushing Link to keep on going

I like the Resistance members :) Very video gamey of them to have one NPC assigned to each dungeon but hey!!! Kinda cool getting to see a little glimpse of each of em

Idk, it’s just fun to imagine Link popping into Telma’s bar after each dungeon and taking a little rest :) (or to celebrate? maybe just chat, idk, give this man some downtime!!)

Honestly it was just kind of nice that Link wasn’t entirely alone. I mean, I know Midna was there the whole time, but I am always for giving Link a big group of friends (see my love for hyrule warriors, age of calamity, and LU LMAO)

Hero’s shade, very very cool, kinda sad he died with regrets but HEY. He got to pass on his knowledge eventually

AND the connection to OoT?? AND assumed to be related by blood too????? GOOD SHIT

Ilia, I REALLY really wanted to like her (er, it’s not like I dislike her, she’s just,,, kinda there for me).

It definitely seems like Nintendo was pushing to make her the romantic interest, but GHHHHH they really threw that out of the window for me by having her lose her memories

I saw a text post a while ago that said it would have been interesting if Ilia was Link’s sister instead and YES!! That would have been cool too :0

Wish we got to know Zelda a little more

I feel like we barely know anything about her

Idk man, like I said earlier, I never really had any sort of drive to save Zelda during my playthroughs

She obviously knows Midna, so maybe if they gave us just a little bit more of that relationship I’d be more interested in her?

TP WORLD BUILDINGGGG

Botw has good world building too, but each race felt kinda,,, isolated? I absolutely love the different architecture and vibe each town has (and all the the weapons too) but ghhh yea everyone felt so separated. As far as I can remember, we don’t see tooo much of the races interacting with each other? Now that I’m typing that out maybe that’s to be expected because of the calamity but KLSJDKJFD ANYWAYS THIS IS ABOUT TP

The world feels nice and alive, love how populated everything is

Castle town I like castle town a lot, it feels dense and busy and I really like how you can’t talk to every NPC you see

Very cool very fun that we got to see the Gorons hanging out in multiple spots

kinda wish we got to see the Zoras a little more (I guess they are a bit limited since they need water but GHHHH the tp zoras are so prebby,,)

BUT HEY, I do remember seeing a zora or two hanging out in the hot springs around death mountain after beating the lakebed temple (I think, might have been a different dungeon) 

but aaaa would have been nice to see them in at least a couple of other places. I think it would have really added to the “congrats Link!! You’re restoring peace to Hyrule” feeling you get from seeing the Gorons hanging out in Kakariko and Castle Town

ORDON

Love how chill it is and how it’s kind of separate from Hyrule proper

They really do seem to be doing their own thing apart from the rest of Hyrule

Just kinda adds onto the “he’s just a regular dude minding his own business” kind of vibes I get from TP Link

Also I like Ordona :)

THE LIGHT SPIRITS,,

Love their design

And love how they’re not exactly like a pure white?

Different spirit representing each aspect of the triforce my beloved

But yes hi I think Ordona is very cool

Who are you, how did you get here, which goddess do you represent? Do you even represent one of the three golden goddesses? Do the Ordonians know about you? Have any of them ever SEEN you??? Do they worship you? Does anybody even know about the existence of the light spirits?? FUCK so many questions but ghhh I like how they broke the status quo a bit by throwing in a fourth spirit :)

I feel like this one is kinda weird but I like that voice sample they used in the light spirit music. It’s spooky and pretty at the same time :)  

cutscenes mmmmm

Ok ok, the spooky lanayru cutscene is very good

BUT THE “Link, Chosen Hero! Lend us the last of your power!” CUTSCENE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOVE IT SO MUCH

IT just

Idk man

It just hit different

I like the music

And seeing the light spirits swimming around in the light juice water whatever it is

Summoning the light arrows?

AND HHHHH “Lend us the last of your power!” THIS IS IT. This is the final battle.

Seeing Zelda bow down, and then Link putting his hand out 👌👌👌

Link: ok bud, let’s do this together :)

Connection to OoT (did I already mention this? Maybe., Whatever)

Very cool nintendo :)

I love seeing connections between all the diff zelda games.

Because like, on one hand, they’re all separate from each other because of yknow, individual hero stuff. BUT ALSO, they’re all connected because of the reincarnation stuff

Grrrr walking through the sacred grove and going “The Hero of Time walked around here a long time ago” FUCK THATS SO COOL

Is the Hero’s Shade watching me? What does he think of me? DIsappointed? Proud? The Hero of Time went through HELL so this timeline didn’t have to deal with any of the shit Ganon was gonna pull with the triforce, better not fuck this UP Link!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midlink is cute

Kinda hurts that she smashed the mirror but that was probably so Nintendo didn’t have to worry about people going “but what about the twili??????” for any of the other games LMAO

BUT ALSO LIKE SKJDKLJFJ There are some pretty massive plot holes in TP anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever it’s fine we’ll just use this for angst because GOD do y’all like angst

So is Shadlink

Honestly don’t know where this ship came from but it’s cute so whatever

THE MUSIC??

Love Midna’s theme and how they referenced the dark world theme from ALttP (I remember trying to learn the dark world theme on the piano and doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point meme at the little jingle I recognized from Midna’s theme)

Hyrule field theme SLAPS.

Apparently references a couple of the other over-world themes from the previous zelda games (I got this from 8-bit Music theory’s video on the over-world zelda themes, he talks about TP at around 11:40 but def recommend watching the whole video if you’re into music analysis stuff)

So there’s this bit of the Hyrule Field theme, I don’t know the official name for it but I remember seeing somewhere it being called the “at an advantage theme” since yeah, you hear it during the boss music whenever you expose their weak points. FUCKINGGG LOVE THAT. Didn’t notice it during my first playthrough, but hearing it during my second was like a little easter egg for my ears every time :)

Midna’s lament is very pretty (and fun to play on the piano)

COURAGE THEME.

I didn’t care for it too much when I started playing the game but hearing it in ZREO’s arrangement of the Hyrule Field theme literally makes me turn into a puddle of emotions. Also hearing it around and of the Ordon kids (I think it plays after Link saves Colin) AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Orchestra piece #1 and #2 HOLY SHIT???????????????? 

Literally, the first time I listened to those I just,,,, plugged in my headphones, volume 100, layed on the floor/against my desk and silently vibed. I don’t know what the hell it is, but those two just fit so well with TP?? I still avoid listening to them nowadays cause if I DO I definitely will get overwhelmed with the “god I love this game so FUCKING MUCH” kind of feels.

Wolf link sucks at singing

the first time I heard him howling Zelda’s Lullaby I lost my shit because LKSJLDKSGLKJFSKG god that was.,, Bad. Anyways, hearing him howl some of the songs from OoT was cute :)

TP STAFF ROLL??? 

VERY GOOD. IT’s like 10 minutes long and GOD do I love every single second of it. It doesn’t have the same energy as the skyward sword staff roll or the orchestra pieces but GOD does it hit good??

Nice and calm after that big exciting adventure. Maybe it would have been more fun or emotional to have a higher energy piece but it was really nice getting to sit back and watch the camera fly around Hyrule. Seeing like, the Gorons and the Zoras having a good time, the kids returning to Ordon? GOOD SHIT.

and AAAAA that end, when you hear the main Zelda theme and see Link riding off out of Faron woods on Epona… good shit. It gets you thinking, where the hell is he going? What is he doing? Off ot do more adventuring? Going to help out the resistance or something? Going to help Zelda? Or maybe he’s trying to figure out a way to restore the mirror of twilight? Whoooo knows.

hhHHHHhhh it’s just that final reminder that YES!!! YOU JUST PLAYED A ZELDA GAME. JUST ANOTHER STORY APART OF THE WHOLE EPIC OF THE ZELDA SERIES AS A WHOLE

I also want to acknowledge the instrument/samples they used for all the twili stuff.

They’re all just so unique and contrast SO well with the rest of the TP OST. LIKE FUCK!! Anytime I hear the screech from the Twilit Kargarok? Sends a shiver down my spine. I associate those sounds SO strongly with the twili realm. (Like, the same way you associate the BSHEWW VVWWMMM sounds with light sabers)

I love it so god damn much

literally any time there’s a certain sound or motif associated with something I lose my shit

Sacred grove sacred grove sacred gro-

lovely lovely lovely so much fun playing that on the piano. AND again, I did the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme when I heard the theme from the lost woods come in GHHHHHHHH

shoutout to TP Faron Woods for helping me study and get through all of my schoolwork

BLEGUUHHH can you tell that I really love music?

and also yea I guess TP is kinda cool too :\

IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT THANKS I GUESS

[muffintonic]

Alright, I think i’m done BOTW 2 spamming for today. Anywho, time for some thoughts in general!

1) I hated how the shrines in BOTW were so cold and dark compared to the bright and lively nature outside (I wish they had all looked like the Master Trials challenge where there were trees and stuff incorporated inside), so I hope if we’re forced to have dungeons they’ll be more like the Wind Waker ones. 2) I hope they don’t make us use the grappling hook or anything like in Wind Waker to move around the sky islands (I hated that mechanic). 3) I’m probably one of the few people who wanted less Zelda and more of the Champions in HWAOC since i’m only really attached to BOTW (and we saw a fair amount of Tetra in Wind Waker)/apparently Zelda’s been sidelined in all the other games, so i’m hoping in vain that we get more Champions material in BOTW 2. Also, Link could stand to have some more cutscenes centered around him as well (the few we got in some of the sidequests in BOTW were great). 4) I only really somewhat care about Riju and Sidon, so I won’t mind if the new gang gets sidelined in BOTW 2 (I still think Nintendo wasted the found family/band of brothers aspect on the dead characters--I love them so much and they’re all I want!! The problem is, they’re dead and I don’t really care all that much about their replacements!!! I dunno, maybe i’m hampered by the fact that I can replay the original champions’ memories whenever I want/read their diaries, but I can’t rewatch the new gang���s cutscenes AKA i’ve forgotten their characterization since they don’t talk to me much now that the game’s over). It’d be great if they have some weaving storylines in BOTW 2 that will get me more invested in them, but currently i’m not that interested. 5) Speaking of which, I know it’s 100% not going to happen, but goddang if I don’t want the Champions to have been returned to life. Nintendo totally squandered HWAOC by not making it a true prequel/canon to BOTW (the Champions Ballad confirmed that the Divine Beasts had trials in order to be synced to the champs, so the new gen use of them wouldn’t have happened without that + Mipha thought Link had changed in BOTW yet says in HWAOC that he hasn’t changed + some scenes like “Champion Revali’s Song” never happened at all/got replaced with alternative scenes that really changed some dynamics + basically all of Revali’s time-relative characterization from his diary/pre-100 years of solitude got thrown out + I feel like Daruk got totally sidelined), so i’m still craving that Champions content. Also, I feel like it’s totally unfair that Zelda came out of 100 years totally unaged while everyone else died. Life seems to really suck for people in the LoZ universe who aren’t chosen by divine powers. 6) They’d better keep it open world and non-linear. I can’t go back to being forced to backtrack/trudge through things, I just can’t. BOTW was everything i’ve ever dreamed about in a game (truly open world + non-linear + interactive + meaningful story + lots of outfits + beautiful landscapes) with Skyrim previously being the only thing that came close to what I wanted, so I really hope BOTW 2 doesn’t deviate too much from that. 7) I really liked Kass in BOTW, but i’m not sure what direction they’d go with him in BOTW 2/i’d be fine if he sat BOTW 2 out. I worked so hard to complete all his quests in BOTW so he’d go back home to his family, GODDANGIT, KASS. 8) Someone mentioned that since the first trailer had underground aspects, we’re probably going to be playing as Zelda with the Slate there, and I agree. They didn’t make a playable model for her in HWAOC for nothing. 9) I want to be able to stable the deer and bears and stuff, but I know that won’t happen. Being able to ride the moose and rhino things from the Hebra area probably won’t happen either, but I want to ride them!!! 10) I hope there’ll be at least a few new buildings and stuff in the towns/they’ve started construction on some areas in Central Hyrule, but I guess that’ll depend on how long it’s been in-universe since BOTW. Or maybe not, considering how there’s still Karson and Hudson even though Bolson retired from Bolson Construction--insta-towns like Tarrey Town could totally be feasible if they wanted! 11) I have one foot in the camp that believes there’ll be time shenanigans in BOTW 2. HWAOC totally threw me off with it being an alternate timeline, so i’m not sure whether we’re going to be experiencing that again or time travel itself, but I definitely won’t be surprised this time around if Nintendo goes that route again (and it would be super interesting to see the Link from 10,000 years ago). I’m not entirely convinced that the Link we see exploring the sky in the second trailer isn’t our Link, mainly because he seems to still have on the blue boxers from BOTW. 12) I also heard that maybe this will be the last LoZ game ever since something something Demise something Skyward Sword something something lore from games i’ve only vaguely looked into (i’ve only ever played BOTW --> Wind Waker --> HWAOC)??? If so, it kind of sucks that I came in just when they started making games with playstyles palatable to me (I had to look up every single thing when playing Wind Waker, but BOTW let me solve things according to MY logic/I missed being able to explore in HWAOC), but at least it’ll end on a super high note/I won’t experience later disappointment, I guess. If BOTW 2 involves breaking the reincarnation cycle for the Triforcers, I would be really surprised. (On a related note, Nintendo making Ganondorf good would also be a 100% shock to me, but it would be great to end on that as a subversion. Yes, I want them to bring back the semi-complicated Ganondorf from Wind Waker.) 13) I hope they don’t rush releasing it. I heard they pushed back BOTW originally (I got it in 2019), but it came out fantastic for it! I know COVID’s been affecting things, so I really hope they’re treating their staff right and are mindful of crunch. 14) I want even more outfits (there seem to be at least two new ones, if the variant of the Hylian Tunic crossed with Link’s Champion’s Tunic counts). Give me all the outfits!!! Also, I hope we get even more hair variations in addition to the hair down option (which is all i’ve ever wanted since I saw the mod that altered the Ancient Helmet). 15) I wonder if we’re going to get a bonus for having both BOTW and HWAOC save data. 16) I wonder if we’re going to be keeping the Champions’ skills. I’m going to miss being super overpowered, if not. 17) I hope Nintendo doesn’t cave in and make surfaces climbable in the rain. Having that limiter is more realistic and Link would otherwise be too overpowered with a super climbing ability. 18) I liked BOTW’s scattered music that got more noticeable in populated areas because it was fitting for the post-apocalyptical/nature aspect. Hearing your footsteps in an open field and the buzzing of insects was super nice and prevented me from getting music fatigue (which i’d probably experience since whenever I play BOTW it’s for 5-10 hours at a time). I hope Nintendo either keeps that or makes audio options. 19) I heard that BOTW 2 is going to be super dark or something, and i’m okay with dark, but not GRIMdark, so I hope it doesn’t go that far. From what we’ve seen in the second trailer it still looks beautiful, but I hope it doesn’t do that thing that some games do where after the midpoint/a certain story point all the scenery permanently changes to be dark and scary (that’ll seriously hamper post-game playability for me if so). 20) If they expand on the Zonai, that would be super cool! Doubly cool if the time travel shenanigans involve them/ancient Link being one! 21) I kind of want windstorms to be a weather feature. We had lightning, heat, and cold, but no wind! No, I don’t count the wind geysers and the occasional breeze in Tabantha. 22) I want a chest in my house to hold more weapons than just the gear mounts. BOTW only had enough mounts for the champions’ gear, but it also had rare items like the Kite Shield and Forest Dweller’s Sword that you can’t get anymore once you use them up! 23) I want to be able to stable my horses at my house. What’s the point of that little area if you can’t stable your horse there! 24) Speaking of Link’s house: where is Zelda going to live? If the castle’s not reconstructed, it’d be neat if Link adds an extension to his house for her. 25) I hope they open up part-time jobs (think Mabinogi) as an option to earn rupees. Having to hunt for Luminous Stone deposits or feed Trott to make money can be such a chore. I think some of BOTW’s minigames/sidequests might count as those, but those minigames were either frustrating if your goal is to earn money (since most of them cost money to play in the first place and the mechanics weren’t always easy), or didn’t earn that much in general. 26) I wonder if Kilton is going to have updated items since the monsters seem to have changed. 27) I want to be able to dive underwater (mainly so I can explore the beautiful reefs over at Lurelin). A dive meter like the one from Super Mario Sunshine would be cool. Also, it’d doubly be neat if you had a separate stamina wheel for swimming and could permanently upgrade your swim/diving stamina (the speed+ swimming items just consumed your stamina faster, which was a pain)! 28) It’s definitely too late for this, but it’s a shame that the Hylians have so many face/body/hair and outfit variations, but the Zora, Rito, and Gorons don’t. The Gerudo were kind of okay with the hair and body variations, but the other races seemed to have a serious copy-paste problem. I guess technically some of the more important NPCs (ones with quests/cutscene triggers) had different coloring, but they were severely lacking in clothing variation. Also, the only old Rito was the elder??? At least the Gorons and Zora had some old folks besides their leader walking around. Very weird, but I don’t think BOTW 2 can fix any of this. 29) I wonder how they’re going to do the final boss battle, considering how epic/cinematic the BOTW 2x battle was. What can top fighting (on horseback, no less) a giant, flaming boar made out of malice? 30) I wonder what the Yiga are going to be up to, considering how Ganondorf seems to be somewhat kicking in BOTW 2.

[aeondeug]

hikari-ni-naritai asked:2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29 :3

2: Company you’re always loyal to? - I guess Nintendo counts as closest to loyalty? But even Nintendo I've gone "Wow fuck you people" to a lot. Especially of recent! If I am truly loyal to anything it's Dragon Quest. Like that specific part of Squeenix. The rest of the company can burn. I just need the people who churn out the same damned game on the regular like Grandma making me chicken noodle soup. 3: Best game you’ve ever played? - This is a very hard thing to go by. In terms of like. Artsy shit and how it made me feel and what I feel about it as art and was it fun while also doing that. Nier: Automata. Probably. In terms of like sheer fun and I just keep replaying it over and over though...Dragon Quest 3. That's a damned near perfect fucking jrpg. I love aspects of some of the later games more than it, but 3's just got a nice perfect mix of stuff going on that makes it endlessly replayable in a way that, say, 7 just is not. 5: A popular series/game you just can’t get into no matter how much you try? - I've tried Breath of the Wild several times now. I have some fun with it, but I inevitably get very bored of it and then never finish it. In general it just feels very lacking in things that compel me to finish a game or really love it. And the general design ethos leaves me feeling very unfulfilled. Like I like the electricity puzzles in Gerudo Desert a lot, but I'd rather just have like one big dungeon and an area leading up to it that just builds on that concept. With each further step getting harder than the last. Which is to say, I just want an older styled Zelda game puzzle wise. In particular, Skyward Sword I feel is the gold standard for puzzles and dungeon design in the 3D games. 7: A game you’ll never forget? - Nier: Automata feels like cheating but honestly that. Ocarina of Time and Final Fantasy 7 also have intros that are just burned into my brain because they were the first 3D games I ever saw. As much as I hate sitting through the OoT starting cutscene on replays there is just a charm to it that no other Zelda since has had. Indeed, they can't have it. 11: Hardest game you’ve played? - Any fighting game, honestly. Strive right now is currently proving to be The Impossible Thing for me. Especially because we're very determined to play as Giovanna. Gio's a rushdown with no ranged options and limited options in terms of safely getting into someone's face. She's extremely good on maintaining pressure so long as you keep up in someone's jock but like. I do not, in general, keep up in anyone's jock. I am terrified of that, in fact, and generally prefer to stay mid range or on the far side of the screen, only engaging as I so choose. I'm a coward by nature and I think too much. Gio feels fucking impossible to me because you have to be brave and turn your brain off to play her, and unlike May she does not have ANY projectile options. It is daunting and sometimes soul crushing. But like if I keep at it, I'll learn. And I just got to make friends and it'll be fun. 13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? - Any Dragon Quest game but Dragon Quest 4's psx port gets a very special mention. Because it never got brought over. Period. I saw the ad for it on the back of DQ7's manual and so excited for a remake on a console I had. Because at the time 4 was my favorite of the series. And then it just...Never got brought overseas. This sucked. 17: What game do you never tell people you play? - I will tell people to play many things. A lot of questionable things. Even Castlevania 64 I will stand up for. I will not tell people to play Rule of Rose though. Not even I have played Rule of Rose. No one should play Rule of Rose. It is the best survival horror game you should not spend 300 dollars on and even emulating it is questionable. Just watch a let's play. 19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? - Rule of Rose needs a fucking remake. Like. Direly. It's such a good game in terms of aesthetic, thematics, characters, horror, etc. But the game's combat is some of the worst the genre has ever had and it makes actually playing it very unfun. That on top of copies being extremely rare and very pricey just...I wish it could be remade. So people could experience it. 23: Biggest disappointment you’ve had in gaming? - Breath of the Wild. It was a Zelda with none of the things I like about Zelda but all of the things I don't really care much about in Zelda. And after hearing for a year how lovely it was from people that just. Sucks? I had fun on the Great Plateau and then I had a horrifying moment where I realized that these were all the tools I was getting. And then my weapons broke. And then I got to a Divine Beast because I was told those were the dungeons and it was fun I guess but it wasn't even a Fire Temple let alone a Water Temple. We went from things like the Ancient Cistern and the Pirate's Stronghold to the Vah Ruta. That's such a step back. It basically has the reverse of the problem that Skyward Sword had. Where instead of sacrificing overworld exploration for better dungeons and tools, it sacrificed dungeons and tools for overworld exploration and freedom. And I just don't care for it. 29: Which is more important, gameplay or story? - This entirely depends on the kind of game it is and even then I'm not at all convinced that story is intrinsically something that can be "in the way". Is Guilty Gear's story necessary to enjoy the games? No. It's not. Is Guilty Gear better for having its ridiculous plot wherein a guy who names himself Sol Badguy has to kill copies of his wife repeatedly while hunting for a catboy twink he calls That Man? Yes. Yes it is. Dear gods yes.

[howwnowbrowncoww]

10 Characters, 10 Fandoms

thanks for the tag @vidramon​! I’m going to refrain from picking Malroth since it’s a total given for me lol and since you already wrote some pretty great stuff about him. These aren’t really in any order and I picked off the top of my head so I’m sure I’m missing a few I’d really be able to chat your ears off about, but this was fun anyway!

Oops, editing this to say anyone can try it out! Not tagging anyone specific this time, but if you want to talk about 10 characters you love, please add on an share or make your own post and tag me because I’d love to see!

1. Bado (Rune Factory 4)

Honestly, I love all the characters from 4, but this loser holds a special place in my heart. His half-hearted passion for getting rich quick but lack of follow through when it comes to negatively impacting people around him with his schemes is oddly endearing. I equally want to wring his neck and be his best friend. I also will die mad that he wasn’t a marriage candidate>:T

2. Tamaki Amajiki (BNHA)

It was a toss up between him and Shinsou, but I picked Tamaki because I can relate more to him. I love seeing him fight with determination and courage despite how much anxiety he has. He works hard despite all his perceived faults, and his supportive friend group makes me so happy for him! I left off mid season 4 of the anime but I want to pick it up again just for him and Shinsou lol

3. Ghirahim (Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)

Okay, I know, major leap from anxious Tamaki, but Ghirahim is a fave on the complete opposite side of the scale. This guy is obviously an asshole. A total jerk. Dickhead supreme. But he’s a very fun and interesting villain (in the worst way) imo. I’m also a huge fan of WindWaker Ganondorf because of his drive as a villain, but I picked Ghirahim since SS is getting remade soon. Idk, his design is eye-catching, every time I got to meet him in the game, he always had interesting dialouge (putting it lightly), and his personality uh...leaves much to be improved upon, but he HAS ONE! I’m tired of boring villains with lackluster motivations. Okay, his motivations were kinda expectable too, but his overwhelming desire to kill me in an extremely over-the-top dramatic fashion at all times was refreshing.

4. Sophie (Howl’s Moving Castle)

I know a lot of people have a favorite Sophie (either the book or movie version), but I like both equally for really different reasons. I related to movie Sophie a lot as a kid (still kinda do), so I have nostalgia going for me there, but book Sophie is a wild card. I lover her. She’s nuts, she won’t hesitate to throw acid, she can and will do whatever the hell she wants. I really want to be her. 

5. Fenris (Dragon Age 2)

It was SO HARD to pick between him, Bull, and Dorian, because I haven’t played any of the games, but I want to meet them all so damn bad lol. I OWN all the games, I just haven’t played them yet /cries/. Ironically, I took a quiz the other day and it said I’d be Fenris, and I honestly was just more concerned than anything considering his backstory lmao. Anyway, I love an elf who can wield a greatsword and rip people’s hearts from their bodies while avoiding his emotionally traumatic past:>

6. Galo Thymos (Promare)

Look, I absolutely ADORE everyone in this entire movie, but this moron just hits all the best character traits for me. He’s passionate, he’s stupider than all get out, and he’s constantly shirtless while almost dying and saving the day through sheer god-defying luck and a refusal to lay down and die. There’s just something about himbos that gets me, ya know?

7. Kurapika Kurta (Hunter X Hunter)

Kurapika has what Sasuke could NEVER. Literally, Kurapika has such a more satisfying revenge/redemption ark than anything I’ve ever seen. I love his interaction with Melody and the main group, the red eyes thing is so BADASS (again, still cooler than Sasuke’s), the chains are both aesthetic as HELL and insanely, terrifyingly effective. Never seen a cooler anime character in my entire life. I also just really, really want to give him a fucking hug, like wow he really needs one.

8. Apollo Justice (Ace Attorney games)

Apollo is a new love of mine (also from a game I haven’t played yet) as well as another character for me to eventually project onto;) He’s anxious, he yells a lot, he’s oblivious as fuck, but he has the passion I love in all my characters. This boy is in for a world of hurt (from the many spoilers I have run into by browsing the game tags prematurely lol), but I know he’ll pull through! He has his family by his side!;-;

9. Sakura Haruno (Naruto)

Don’t even get me started on Sakura>:O I love her so much. I did not appreciate her near enough as a kid (maybe understandably since she was written for shit). Instead of going back and rewatching the show to face inevitable disappointment, I just read fics that fix all of the crappy things the show did to her:) This girl could crush me like a bug and I am looking respectfully!!

10. Tadashi Hamada (Big Hero 6)

Saving the most underloved one for last;-; Tadashi I miss you. I rewatch this goddamn movie just for you (and sometimes Baymax). I have the only shirt I could ever find with him on it and I also have his hat because once I latch onto a character, I apparently never let go. It’s a shame Disney had to kill him off to further the plot. I was so desperate for more content of this character that I found myself falling down theory spirals about how he may come back as Sunfire (that name may be wrong, it’s been a few years lol). Ultimate big brother, great best friend, everyone loved him and knew he was creating good things for the world, super goofy: literally I think I just aspired to be more like him when I first saw the movie. Mad respect for this dude.

[radramblog]

Ninty Direct Feb 2021 Thoughts

That was uh. Kind of disappointing, actually.

I suppose it was inevitable that we weren’t seeing Pokemon since they’re gonna do their own announcement. But like. Coulda done better here.

(oh no you’re now introduced to my awful awful handwriting, is this better or worse than my cursed interests? you decide)

Anyway I wrote down everything they announced so here we go

Pyra/Mythra in Smash: I don’t give a single shit about the Xenoblade series, but it’s one of like 2 IPs Nintendo has had in the last decade so sure whatever they can have second a character as a treat. I’m mostly just annoyed this wasn’t a third-party character.

Fall Guys Switch: This feels inevitable. It also feels about 5 months too late.

Outer Wilds Switch: I’ve heard some absolutely excellent things about this game, so fair enough. I’m not sure I’d buy it on the Switch, but I haven’t bought it at all yet, so.

Famicom Detective Club: This looks like a Ren’py game if it had an actual budget, but still used Ren’py for some reason. Prooobably not biting on this one chief.

Samurai Warriors 5: The only Warriors game I’ve played is the first hyrule warriors, and the only Nobunaga game I’ve played was Pokemon Conquest (it’s a trip), so. I don’t understand the obsession they have over there for this bloke, like imagine if Australia made like a tv series a year and a large handful of video games about Ned Kelly or something.

Legend of Mana: Shit I should go play Octopath Traveler huh

Monster Hunter Rise: Those monster designs looked pretty kickass, and those human designs made me crack up laughing. I’ve never played Monster Hunter, and I don’t think this is gonna change that.

Mario Golf: Hey look they confirmed Waluigi as playable ahead of time so people wouldn’t complain, good job guys. The multiplayer of this looked silly as hell, but I’m not spending 80 bucks on wii sports tennis for a multiplayer mode ill drag my mates to play all of once before we go back to playing Beetle Adventure Racing.

Tales from the Borderlands: Wait telltale is still around? Ok…? I haven’t played Borderlands and don’t really care for the Telltale style so nah

Capcom Arcade Stadium: They could have made a peripheral like the NES/SNES mini, but they didn’t, and it’s for the best. The fact that one of the games is free implies to me that the rest are going to be overcosted, though.

Stubbs the Zombie: What the fuck am I looking at. Apparently this is a remaster of an old Xbox game, but I’ve never heard of it. Weird as fuck, but sure.

No More Heroes III: No more Heroes is a franchise that I’ve never played, but always wanted to. It seems right up my alley aesthetic-wise, and the gameplay looks pretty solid too- probably gonna try one of the older ones first, though.

Neon White: Speaking of aesthetic. This looks anime as fuck and edgy in a good way, and the gameplay looks real fun. I actually really want to check this out, and no, it’s not just because of the skull masked goth gf on the cover. (Doesn’t hurt, though.)

DC Super Hero Girls Teen Power: Jesus, this looks like a bad tie-in game from the mid 2000s. Not like Battle for Bikini Bottom, more like a Jimmy Neutron. And while I really liked the Jimmy Neutron game as a kid (shame about the show), this doesn’t look like it’ll stand up to that…high bar. Listening to this trailer made me want to die a little bit inside.

Plants Vs Zombies: Battle for Neighbourville: I miss PopCap. Peggle 3, never.

Miitopia: This looks cute, and will probably lead to the same sort of 3am DMs that happened with Tomodachi Life. If it’s a full priced game, it probably won’t sell at all.

Animal Crossing New Horizons Mario items: uhhh sure. Don’t have that game, so.

Triangle Strategy: Aww fuck it’s a final fantasy tactics that looks like octopath and it might have an actually good story, shiiiiiiiiit. I’m gonna give the demo a try before I land on this, but I’m optimistic.

Star Wars Hunters: When was the last time we had an actually good Star Wars game? And don’t say Fallen Order. Yeah, didn’t think so.

KO City: Ah, the bottom of the barrel. Didn’t think it would take this long. At this point, the pseudo-cartoony style everything has because they’re trying to ape Fortnite is extremely grating on me. (I definitely thought this ad was for Fortnite stuff at first)

World’s End Club: OK this one has me actually hyped. I knew that Kodaka (director/writer of the Danganronpa series) and Uchikoshi (director/writer of the Zero Escape series) were working on a joint project, and we’re finally seeing the results. Both of them have multiple excellent games under their respective belts, and this new game looks like a fun spin on what I’m sure a lot of people were expecting from the pair. Literally both of them have made a game where (spoilers I guess, Keara stop reading here you haven’t played VLR yet) there’s a death game going on while the characters are unaware the world fucking ended, so to see the idea of the death game getting interrupted and the characters actually having to live in the dead world is really cool. I’m paying cloooose attention to this one.

Hades (Physical Release): Dang now if I buy hades I can choose to have some of my money go to EB games or JB hifi or something. Cooooooooooooool.

Ninja Gaiden Collection: This just made me wonder why Ryu Hayabusa isn’t in Smash yet. Is it because there’s already a Ryu?

Age of Calamity DLC: I don’t think I mentioned this in my post yesterday, but I would have put money on DLC for this game coming out. I still haven’t played it, but the first Hyrule Warriors had so much fucking DLC so this was inevitable in my eyes.

Bravely Default 2: Uhhh its another JRPG man idk what you want me to say. Didn’t play the first one, apparently its good.

Ghosts n Goblins Resurrection: Kinda funny having this next to the free original in the Capcom Arcade Stadium. Capcom is reviving old franchises, I guess? Where’s Mega Man Battle Network, cowards?

SaGa Frontier: I’ve heard good things about the SaGa series, but this looks awful. Not like gameplay wise, the style for the models and shit in game just disinterests me.

Apex Legends: Is anyone still playing this game?

BOTW 2 (no news): I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. Next Direct, I guess.

Skyward Sword HD: I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

Seriously though, I was expecting 3 of the best Zeldas ever made to get ports, and we got the one that I wasn’t interested in. Fuck you too, I guess.

Splatoon 3: I actually was super interested in this, seeing as the trailer looked like it was gonna be for some like… side game, 3D RPG or something, exploring the origins of the Splatoon world? But then it’s just Splatoon 3. And like, I know people really like that series, but it never appealed to me. The world is neat! But I’m not interested in the series as it is.

And that’s the tea.

ADDENDUM:

shit that’s this weekend? huh ok -New Hearthstone expansions revealed, kinda like WOTC does with magic every so often, just like “here’s the next couple sets btw”. Since they do nothing but plagiarise off each other and MTG is having a set based on another WOTC property this year (D&D), there’s going to be a Starcraft set. -Diablo 4 release date that will not be stuck to since COVID is still a thing -people are hoping for starcraft 3. Blizzard to announce Starcraft 2 Episode 1. -New WoW expansion announced, determined objectively to be “worst ever” before trailer is even finished

[wolfhednn]

when iron bleeds, felix & sylvain

starter for @gallantgautier

          felix hasn’t dreamed in years. though he doesn’t recall when, exactly, they’d stopped. they used to be frequent and vivid: memories of his childhood, of those around him. some had been less palatable, often featuring his father, his brother, and a recurring location — a labyrinthine fortress not unlike the one whose doorstep he stood in now, though he’s never been here in his life. not recently, though. recently, his sleep has been deep and dreamless. he doesn’t remember how long it’s been like that.

          shaking the gore of the last enemy off his blade with a flick of the wrist, he looks up to scan for his next opponent. the liquid scarlet, deep in hue, reminds him of something recent, but the thick of battle is hardly the time to be reminiscing.

          ❝ archers sighted at the rear of the enemy formation! ❞ a lieutenant shouts above the din, weaving through the chaos of slaughter as he makes his way to edelgard, a brilliant shock of crimson several paces away, surrounded already in a small pile of corpses and casting a tall shadow of black who was never far behind. out of the corner of his eye, sunlight flashes off steel, and he turns to see a horseman galloping at him, hoof beats deafening on stone, lance raised. the attack is easy to dodge, and he swings around with an inhale, preparing to square off against his enemy, confident despite their mounted advantage.

          but in an instant, the horseman’s face contorts in shock, and he drops the lance to claw uselessly at an arrow protruding from his neck. he slumps sideways off the saddle and the horse panics, rearing with a shrill neigh and barreling past across the lowered fortress drawbridge. felix doesn’t bother to see who’d claimed his target, but he does register the now-dead horseman’s colors. silvery grey armor draped in dark, almost faded blue, the emblazoned insignia of the falcon knight discernible even stained in blood and dust.

          the fraldarius coat of arms, stained in blood and dust. it seemed fitting.

          so the front gate — at the very entrance — is where he’d chosen to place his men, then. aiming to end the battle here before it even began, stop the incursion before it pierced into the silver maiden’s heart. as though someone had injected electricity into his veins, felix feels the battle come suddenly alive, brimming with noise and color. he hears his heart in his ears as he forges ahead, the streets of the impenetrable city feeling huge and wide and limitless.

          he’s answered within seconds by the sound of shouting that breaks above the clamor of war. further ahead and to the left, a crowd of imperial soldiers is in disarray, diving out of danger, others blown backwards by the force of some blast that sends rock and shrapnel flying. there’s a frenzy as petra, conspicuous in dark colored dye, hurries to rally the battalion of scattered archers and answer the attack— 

          screams of alarm and pain are muted in the blinding pillar of light that swallows all sound, and felix veers off to the right to avoid the debris launched skywards by the sudden blast, muscle memory and adrenaline carrying him over newly disintegrated corpses and rubble even as his vision readjusts and his ears ring, very bones rattling from the force of the follow-up shock waves.

          he doesn’t need to see to find, his mind registering the enemy long before his eyes do. with the brilliant light of the aura spell as his cover, he launches himself forward with a battle cry he doesn’t hear.

          steel clashing steel flints sparks that dance inches from his face.

          they separate, the decorated steed steadying itself under a skilled hand. the bay roan destrier: his most prized. felix rights himself, knows he has to strike quickly; the more time he gives him, the more the scale tips out of his favor. focusing his attention on the horse, he summons the threads of lightning to his fingertips.

          two loud cracks of thunder in succession.

          the destrier swerves as they graze it, once— twice—

          its eyes are wide and panicked. he knows he’s succeeded. it rears up. now. ❝ hrragh! ❞ everything he has thrown into the keen edge of his sword while the creature is startled. off balance, his enemy can’t counterattack, and the horse’s shrill scream rings in his ears. even a master horseman struggles to stay in a bucking saddle while fending off an attack, and it’s with satisfaction that he watches his opponent forfeit his mount, landing with only a slight stagger before he regains his balance, lance braced in a defensive posture.

          now the advantage is his, on foot. now his enemy is forced to look him in the eye. even if he’s carrying a sword alongside that now-unwieldy lance, felix knows he’s the superior swordsman. all that remains is getting past the faith magic, looking for gaps, an opportunity. he’s been preparing for this.

          all that remains is closing the distance.

          ❝ so, my foolish son... ❞ the deep voice of years past quivers with bitter disappointment, with quiet fury. hearing it fills felix’s throat with bile. ❝ you took it upon yourself to leave your family behind. ❞ the lance shifts higher up in his grip. so he doesn’t have another weapon after all. a fool to the very end. he doesn’t owe him an answer; he doesn’t, not anymore. not for a long time. but he hears his own words anyway, hears them being bitten out.

                        ❝ i’m not coming back. i won’t serve the boar. ❞                            he hates how, even now, his father still finds a way to                            tell him he’s a child.

          some buried instinct urges him to look at the faces of the choices he’s made. the monster in the mirror. the beating eye of blutgang. this one is every inch as unflinching as his own, dusted from battle, the stress of a half-decade of war carving new lines. it’s him; it’s that same face — twisted with a look of rage and disdain, and something else. a desperate anguish. he feels a haze crawl up through his chest, and he clings to the red in it.

                    ❝ it’s a father’s duty to settle his child’s failures.                              felix... you must die here and now! ❞

          that roar is all the challenge he needs. his mouth tears open in a roaring answer of his own as he charges. and he feels it— the tide— surging, his arm, his blade— the crest of fraldarius baring its own fangs.

          he closes the distance.

                                             ( felix hasn’t dreamed in years. but last night,                                                he’d dreamed of the sword in his hand, and                                                the liquid scarlet, deep in hue, as it bled. )

[anotherhawk]

Death for Immortals Ch2 - Good Omens Fanfic

Previously titled ‘5 times Crowley died carelessly and 1 time Aziraphale made him care’

Chapter summary: 140 years after the flood the last of the children Crowley saved dies peacefully in her bed, surrounded by family. He doesn’t take it well.

Read it on AO3 or under the cut.

2863 BCE

The last of the kids died at the age of 140, surrounded by her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. He waited outside the house until the wailing started, an olive branch clutched tightly in his hand as he shredded the leaves into pieces too small for any human to see. That was it then. No more reason to hang around here.

Her name had been Anurash and her mother had thrust her into his arms as the waters rose, begging him to save her, to give her a chance at life. He'd held her in his arms, miracled milk to feed her with, kept her hidden deep in the bowels of the ark with the other frightened kids for far more than forty days and forty nights of cramped, foul-smelling darkness, until the rain stopped and the waters finally receded. A hundred and forty years. That wasn't too bad, was it? That was a lot longer than a lot of humans got. Mind you, Adam had lived to be nine hundred and thirty, so maybe it wasn't as good as all that. Maybe that was the difference between a human made by the Almighty and a human made by other humans?

He glanced skywards. “What, is it a patent situation? Knock-offs aren't allowed to be as good as the original? Keep going like this and in another thousand years they won't even make it to fifty. Where's the sense in that? If you want them to be better you've got to give them time to grow, don't you?”

A couple of passers-by stared at him. He scowled back and they flinched and quickly hurried away, whispering to each other.

Right. Eyes. Evil demon eyes that they were supposed to shun. It had been a long time since he'd been anything other than a stranger in this town, even though he had largely been responsible for building it. Well, there hadn't been much other option, had there? The oldest of the eighty-seven kids he'd managed to save had been fourteen, and most of them had been a good bit younger than that. What the heaven did they know about building houses, planting crops or digging wells? Only what their parents had got to teach them before Her Upstairs got tetchy and decided hey! Time for no more humans without my seal of approval.

He'd seen the rainbow. It was beautiful. But even now, well over a century later, the kids still found bones sometimes when they played, and those bones had had names, once upon a time, and were they really so despicable that they deserved to be washed away and forgotten?

Anyway, he'd built this town for the kids, and for the first dozen or so years he'd lived among them, making sure that they knew what they needed to take care of themselves. Even after that he hadn't been willing to stray too far. He'd stayed to watch the kids he raised grow up and raise kids of their own, all in absolute defiance of the Almighty, of course. Little humans who shouldn't be alive, running around, growing, with all their questions...it was self-evidently evil, except...except it wasn't evident enough to Beelzebub. As far as they were concerned he should be tormenting, or at the very least tempting, but he couldn't bring himself to do that to his kids, at least not in any way that Hell was going to approve of. And even after they'd grown up he hadn't wanted to wander too far afield, just in case the kids might need him, and in this part of the world there was only the two groups of ark survivors left, and Aziraphale was keeping a close eye on Noah's lot. If he'd thought he could get away with it he might have claimed credit for Noah turning to drink, but honestly he had nothing to do with it. 1

So Hell wasn't happy with him. Just yesterday a goat had looked up at him with glowing red eyes and told him he needed to improve his job performance of face the consequences. No specific consequences had been mentioned, but no doubt someone somewhere had something in mind already.2

A shadow fell over him. He looked up to see Aziraphale. “Crawly? I thought that was you.” Further sounds of grief came from inside, catching the angel's attention. “Oh, dear. One of yours?”

“Yes,” he answered, without thinking about it.

“I see.” Aziraphale gave him a look of deep disapproval. “Well, it sounds as though there's a lot of people mourning her. I hope whatever little scheme you wound her up in was worth it.”

“What? No, she wasn't...I. Hngh.” He flinched. Her death hadn't been his. Neither had her life, really, she'd lived that for herself. “What are you doing here, angel?”

“Official business. I'm here to offer a few blessings.”

Cold iron seized his spine. “Oh, really, thesse people are worth Her blesssings now?”

Aziraphale frowned at him. “Everyone deserves Her blessings, Crawly.”

There was a small herb garden growing in pots on the doorstep. He grabbed the closest plant, violently uprooted it and threw it as hard as he could at Aziraphale, smacking him right in the chest and leaving a trail of dirt down his white robes.

“Well, really,” the angel sputtered, miracling the mark away with a wave of his hand. “I hardly think there was any need for that.”

Part of him wanted to apologise. Part of him wanted to throw another plant, maybe even include the pot this time. Most of him just wanted to crawl into a deep hole in the ground somewhere and stay there for the next millenia or so. “Don't know why you're so surprised. Demon, remember? Your mortal enemy and all that.”

“Immortal, I think you'll find,” Aziraphale said with a sniff. “And I'm fairly certain that 'mortal enemies' aren't supposed to throw plants at each other.” He did the finger quotes. Crawly resolved to recommend that a special place in hell be set aside for people who do the finger quotes.

“No,” he agreed nastily. “They're probably supposed to lob flaming swords at each other.3 You go first. Oh, wait.”

The door behind him slammed open. “Gentlemen, please. This is a house of mourning. For the love of God, please take your petty quarrel somewhere else. Have you no decency?”

Aziraphale was stammering out apologies. He sighed and stood up. “Not lately,” he told Rubat, Anurash's granddaughter, and he turned and walked away.

The angel didn't follow him. He told himself he wasn't disappointed.

Right. Well, then. He wiped a hand down his face, harsh enough that it hurt and looked round at the familiar faces walking by. Most of them didn't give him a second glance. A couple of them caught his eye and shrunk away. Anurash had always loved his eyes...she'd used to call them suns. He remembered chubby baby hands clapping together joyfully when he made her that doll, remembered her first steps, always rushing, always in a hurry, always wanting to see everything, remembered all the questions – why does the moon change, why can't I see my eyes, why the flood, why, why, why – and he remembered Luka, the streak of dirt seemingly always across his face no matter how often he wiped that sticky face, and he remembered Teth, and he remembered Saul, and he remembered, he remembered, he remembered.

There was nothing holding him here now. Nothing holding him back. Everyone expected him to be evil – and he was evil, he was a demon. Might as well live down to it.

*

Three hours later and six fights had broken out, three marriages had ended, the blacksmith had been persuaded that there was more room for showing off making weapons rather than farm tools, the hunters had been persuaded that the farmers didn't respect them enough, someone had stolen the entire store of apples and set them fermenting, the pigs had been set loose in the granary and the inn was on fire. 4

It was chaos. There were shouts, smoke, recriminations flying everywhere and children crying in the street.

There were children crying in the street...

A hand closed around his upper arm and Aziraphale pulled him round. “What on earth are you doing?”

“My job.” He didn't look at the angel. The child on the street was clutching a doll in her chubby hand, her parents nowhere in sight. There was a streak of mud across her face.

“You don't...what's wrong with you?”

He shrugged the angel's hand off and gave a sharp-toothed smile. “Popular opinion says everything.”

“There he is!” A screech from down the street. Running footsteps, a whole mob's worth.

“The evil one walks among us!”

“Get him!”

“I see him! I see the demon!”

They were coming from all sides now. He took a couple of steps back. “Lovely seeing you, Aziraphale, but I really have to be going.”

He ran. The mob chased him, parting around Aziraphale like they didn't so much as see him, and the angel just stood there like a rock in the river, and Crawly ran. Hands grabbed out at him as he passed, punching, hurting, and stones hammered into him. Black blood ran down his face, dripping into his eyes. If he reached the river he could just turn into a serpent and escape that way.

He didn't make it. They cut him off, knocking him to the ground, kicking, punching, stamping, and he shifted, slipping into a snake, trying to slither away, and the last thing he saw was the blacksmith raising a sword above his head and bringing it down.

*

Aziraphale carefully buried the little broken body on a hill overlooking the river and tried to ignore the feeling of being utterly alone in the world. He'd seen the demon die and he hadn't done anything. There hadn't been anything to be done, it wasn't for him to interfere, and if he had interfered it would have been to smite the demon out of existence once and for all. Obviously. No, he had nothing to feel guilty about, it was just that he didn't like seeing the humans moved to such violence, that was all.

He scattered the last shovel of soil on the small grave and stood awkwardly for a moment. “I'm sorry,” he said at last. “I don't know what happened today, but I think, maybe, there was something else I could have done. I'll do better next time.”

There were two people he could have been speaking to. He didn't think either of them were listening.

1He did feel it was a reasonable enough reaction to the trauma of witnessing divine genocide, however. He'd even turned to it himself a time or two. The one time he'd actually managed to get to sleep since the Flood he'd had to face the memories of all those desperate hands clinging to the side of the ark until one by one they slid away.

2The goat had chewed on his sandals afterwards. He wasn't sure if that had been the hellish influence or the goatish one.

3Crowley had never actually been issued a sword, flaming or otherwise.

4You might think that this is rather a lot for one demon to achieve in three hours. But even if he had mostly passed unnoticed for the last century Crowley had been living alongside these people. He knew where the buttons were and how best to press them. And, like any act of self-harm, once started it was incredibly difficult to stop.

[spoadicdeviance]

Simple and Clean: The Kingdom Hearts Conundrum

Well it looks like the hype of the release of Kingdom Hearts 3 has calmed down significantly, mostly due to the fact that the game is considered by many to be lackluster. As for myself, I have finished my first playthrough of the game, on proud mode, and done most of the side quests, and while I did like my experience overall, I can’t really refute the criticisms the game has gotten and have to agree that Kingdom Hearts 3 is a disappointment.

I suppose I can’t be too surprised with how the third game in the franchise turned out considering the direction the series has been on since the second game which is actually the third game released but due the number placed at the title the game is still the second game, and I’ll just stop right now before I go on a tangent over the names of each game.

Kingdom Hearts, to me, is a series that captivated me right at the very beginning. I love Kingdom Hearts 1. It’s probably in my Top 20 favorite games of all time. The game managed to encapsulate the whimsy and charm of Disney, while delivering an epic, yet simplistic tale of adventure, light vs darkness, and friendship. The game was fun to play, and the story kept me engaged to the post credits scene. To this day, the game is still one that I would gladly replay and enjoy in its entirety.

Can’t say the same for the other games.

I know, I’m in the minority here on this, but in my opinion, the Kingdom Hearts series peaked with the original game from 2002 while all subsequent games have struggled under lackluster levels, a combat system that favors style over substance, and a convoluted plot with dull, heavy-handed dialog. Heck, a lot of what made Kingdom Hearts 3 such a disappointment to many players can be found in Kingdom Hearts 2 and (to a lesser extent) Birth by Sleep, the two games fans say are the pinnacle of the series.

Now I’m not simply here to say that I like this game over that game end it there. I’m going to explain why I think the Kingdom Hearts 1 (or KH1) is my favorite game in the series while putting into words my disappointment with the later games in the franchise, particularly KH2 and Birth by Sleep. This is going to be a long one so just get yourself comfortable and wait until you finish reading my post before you comment. Let’s go over why Kingdom Hearts 1 is the best in the franchise.

First things first, let’s discuss the levels in these games. The worlds of KH1 are a lot of fun to explore. While not exactly Thief II: The Metal Age complex, they were expansive and navigating them was more than just going from point A to point B. Some of the worlds were almost maze like in their design. There were light puzzle elements to most of the worlds. There was even platforming that, while clunky, added some variety to each level. These different elements made the moment to moment gameplay more than just brawling and therefore playing KH1 never got stale.

It’s quite a different story for the other games. The worlds in the latter games are straight forward in their design. The worlds were usually a singular pathway with the occasional branching off into a mini path, (Enchanted Domain, KH2’s Halloween Town), or central hub area that branches into three-four linear pathways (Beast’s Castle). Just look at the maps of Agrabah from KH1 and KH2 to see the downgrade firsthand.

Not only did the levels lack complex designs, they also had little to no puzzles in them and instead of tweaking the platforming to make it less clunky, the worlds minimize or flat out remove platforming all together. This resulted in worlds where you mostly just walk and fight.

Now these games are not simply all combat. There is something added that is intended to break the monotony, and it’s one of the most out of place aspects of the game; the forced minigames.

To be fair, having minigames isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, even if its put into the main campaign/quest. Games like Jak and Daxter and Donkey Kong 64 have plenty of minigames, however most of them are optional to beat the game. Finishing DK64 requires 50% of golden bananas and minigames give roughly 25% of golden bananas. Final Fantasy IX and Skyward Sword have the player do a minigame, but it lasts for 2-5 minutes out of a 35+ hour campaign and serve more to entice players to do a side quest. Even KH1, the only moments that feel like the game forces you to do a minigame like activity were the race against Rikku at Destiny Islands, the 1 minute of vine surfing at the start of Deep Jungle, and the 2-minute magic carpet escape at the end of Agrabah.

The other Kingdom Hearts games are not as stingy with minigames. As each world progresses, minigame after minigame is dumped on the player. KH2 is one of the worst offenders of this. It doesn’t help that these minigames, unlike the ones from DK64 and Final Fantasy IX, don’t provide a real break from the endless stream of battles. The majority of minigames are just regular fights with an arbitrary stipulation added to it; fight the enemies before the timer runs out, fight the enemies until the timer runs out, fight the enemies while collecting some orbs, fight the enemies while filling the bar onscreen, fight the enemies while depleting the bar onscreen, fight the enemies while escorting a slow ass character. It’s all just more fighting, and it even spills over to some of the bosses as well.

Even the minigames that aren’t centered around fighting, like the rhythm games in Atlantica, are too shallow to provide any sense of fulfillment while playing them. Subsequent Kingdom Hearts games aren’t exempt from this. From Birth by Sleep’s Disney Town world being dedicated to minigames, to the shallow imitation of Nintendogs in Dream Drop Distance, these games also have the same minigame issue that KH2 has.

I have talked about how the games became more combat oriented, however I haven’t really discussed combat itself. This is probably the part where I’ll get the most flack.

Combat in KH1 is a lot of fun and the highlight of the game alongside its story. While basic at first, the fighting gets more complex with the addition of special moves, extra combos, spells, and summons adding variety to the system. Plus, different enemies and bosses a certain attacks and weaknesses. Mashing the x button repeatedly will not get you far, you will have to think and be strategic during battle.

The later games, however, do not have strategy in their combat. Sure, you have different options with drive forms, shot locks, trinity limits, and other sorts of abilities, but at the end of the day, combat from KH2 onward is mostly whaling on the attack button over and over again. The amount of enemies that require certain strategies to defeat them diminish, dodging becomes practically unnecessary, and combat becomes simplified as a whole

Drive forms and trinity limits require little to no strategy when using them. Just activate them and mash buttons while your character zips their way through the battlefield while all sorts of flashy effects fill the screen and enemies go down without a fight. How fortunate that certain abilities could only be unlocked when the player fights with each drive form for a certain amount of time. Forced grinding, what a treat.

The worst offender of this is the context sensitive “reaction commends” that can clear waves of enemies and knock out a huge portion of the bosses’ health. Sometimes it’s the only way to defeat certain bosses. All the player must do during these reaction commands is simple press the triangle button over and over. It’s like a quicktime event only virtually impossible to fail at. There’s a reason why the phrase “press triangle to win” exists.

Magic also got a downgrade as the series progressed. In KH1, magic was not always at your disposal. When your MP got depleted, the player (or companions) would have to use an elixir/ether or land enough melee strikes on enemies to replenish your magic. Despite that, spells and summons were incredibly useful in battle, as well as for environmental puzzles, and the proper use of magic could mean the difference between success and failure.

In the later Kingdom Hearts games, the inverse seemed to be true for magic. Not only were puzzles that require spells became almost nonexistent, removing more variety in level design, but spells and summons became less effective in battle. In KH1, the player could focus on spellcasting, while doing the occasional melee attacks, and get through the game with relative ease. In later games, due to how magic became nerfed, using magic primarily was more of a self-imposed hinderance rather than an alternative style of play. This results in the player using magic almost exclusively for healing. Lucky for those players, MP automatically regenerates after depletion at a relatively quick rate, making ethers useless, which gives the player an unlimited amount of heals.

After KH2’s release, with the emphasis on style over substance, combat in Kingdom Hearts games became more about how to make the player look cool while fighting rather than making the player feel good after the fight.

The reason why it felt good to complete a battle in KH1; the game was actually difficult. Enemies and bosses didn’t just let you pummel them with combos and stylized forms. You had to react to the enemies and the arena you fought in. Even to this day, fights against Clayton, Ursula, Maleficent (human and dragon), possessed Rikku, many more bosses still put me on edge as I fight them.

There was no challenge to the fights in games like KH2 and Birth by Sleep. Since the player has multiples ways to dispose of an enemy, virtually endless amount of heals, and less adversaries that require any strategy outside of “hit me a bunch of times until I no longer exist”, they face little to no challenge while playing latter day Kingdom Hearts games. Bosses that make creative use of the environment you fight are less frequent too. The only way a boss can begin to test the player is when a minigame-like stipulation is added to the fight. Stipulations such as kill all the water clones in this time limit, put the coins in the chest before you can do damage, whatever the heck the Luxord fight was supposed to be, and so on and so forth.

Even then, I still didn’t get that much of a challenge. After three playthroughs of KH2, two of which were on Proud/Critical mode, the combined total of times I died does not even come close to a quarter of the amount of times I died in my first playthrough of KH1. I never even died during KH2’s Sephiroth fight, and I still struggle to defeat him in KH1’s proud mode. The other games provide even less challenge outside of a few endgame/postgame bosses.

And before you reply, the re-releases did not remedy this issue. In fact, the re-release of KH2 gave the player new abilities that allowed the player to cheese his/her way through some boss fights.

Now I have talked about the level design, the moment to moment gameplay, and the difficulty. I supposed that leaves us with the plot of these games.

Do I even have to explain why KH1 has the superior story?

KH1 had a simple yet effective hero’s journey story about a child who wanted to explore the various worlds with his friends but got more than he bargained for when his home is engulfed in darkness and he’s separated from his friends. He goes to various worlds, forms friendships with numerous people, and learns about his newfound abilities as well as the forces that try to stop him on his quest to find his friends. It’s not the most complex of narratives and that’s all for the better. The amount of exposition is kept to a relative minimum, characters can breathe and are not just there to explain the situation, dialogue was never forced or awkward, each world had their own mini-story that’s both entertaining and connects to the overarching plot, and the story is self-contained, no outside material required to understand what’s going on.

You know the pattern by now, but I still need to elaborate. For some reason, Square-Enix thought that they could pull off this grand epic saga spread over multiple games, well they couldn’t. KH2’s plot is a total mess. It’s a constant bombardment of new ideas, exposition dumps, vague allusions to events from games that weren’t even released yet. It was bad enough that the player had to have played a GBA spinoff in order to understand a lot of the plot, but the narrative was so muddled with inconsistencies and unexplained concepts that two more spinoffs had to be made in order for KH2’s plot to make some sort of sense, even then the plot is still convoluted and heavy-handed.

I’ve seen spiderwebs that have less interwoven parts than the plot of Kingdom Hearts, and far fewer holes as well.

And no, this does not make the story “complex and deep”. While I expect a game called Kingdom Hearts 2 would require me to play the first game in order to get a clear understanding of the plot, that doesn’t excuse having to play multiple spinoffs just to get a iota of a clue of what the heck is going on. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, one of the most celebrated series of books ever, contained an epic tale of war across multiple kingdoms and fleshed out worlds with history and culture. Even then, the reader didn’t have to refer to The Hobbit or The Silmarillion in order to follow the plot of the novels. That’s mainly due to the fact that J.R.R. Tolkien, unlike Tetsuya Nomura, can actually write an overarching story.

There’s also the fact that a lot of the plot in these games feels like filler. In KH2, the first visits to most of the worlds don’t connect to the main plot about the nobodies and Organization XIII. It’s not until the second visit to Radient Gardens where the plot starts to get rolling. In Birth by Sleep, almost all of Aqua’s campaign feel inconsequential until the very end. You could cut her story and have her just be a side character in Ventus and Terra’s campaigns and not much would be lost, plot wise.

The reason why I find a lot of the plot to be filler is due to the stories of most of these worlds are retellings of the Disney movies they’re based on while having little connection to the game’s main plot. In KH1, the stories of the worlds were mostly original tales that were intertwined with the game’s main plot. Whether it was dealing with Maleficent’s group of villains, the search for King Mickey, Rikku, and Kairi along with the rivalry between Sora and Rikku, learning more about the keyblade and its various abilities, visiting each world moved the main plot forward while having fun mini-narratives of their own. Even worlds like Wonderland, Deep Jungle, and Neverland focused more on one scene/act from the movie and expanding on it rather than rushing through the cliff notes of the source material.

It seems like for the other games, Nomura just copied and pasted the scripts of the movies the worlds a based on, added interjections from Sora, and called it an original story. It sticks out like a sore thumb and makes visits to these worlds feel more like distractions than anything else.

This longwinded plot also extends to the dialogue. The dialogue in KH1 was natural, aside from a few moments of emphasizing the difference between light and darkness. Characters acted normally, they had actual personalities and chemistry with each other. That was because KH1’s plot was not domineering to the point where the characters were relegated to just be vessels meant to explain the narrative. In games like KH2, conversations don’t feel like a group of people talking amongst themselves but rather like a lecture that the player needs to pay attention to. It makes a large chunk of scenes drag on for what feels like an eternity.

The fact that characters feel more like lore dispensers than actual people leads me to my next point, I don’t care about these new characters. Almost every character introduced from Chain of Memories onward has left little to no impact on me.

Organization XIII are a bunch of cliché Shonen Jump villains, either cackling at how evil they are or brooding over something quasi-poetic until the main character comes in and inevitably defeats them.

Roxas got a 2-hour prologue in KH2 in order for the player to get to know him and I was more relieved than upset whenever he “sacrificed” himself in order for Sora to wake up. Even 358/2 Days couldn‘t get me to care for this guy.

Xion exists solely to die at the end of 358/2 days and then be resurrected in Dream Drop Distance, that’s it.

Hayner, Pence, and Olette are like the annoying group of kids you’re forced to hang out with during college orientation, then they think you want to spend more time with them afterwards.

Ventus, Terra, and Aqua might’ve been interesting characters if we had more than 10 minutes dedicated to their friendship and personalities. Birth by Sleep is so focused on explaining the origins of Xehanort, the ways of the keyblade master, and linking its plot to the overarching plot of the series, that I never find myself connecting to any of the characters. The three separate campaigns don’t do the plot any favors. In fact, it makes the story seem disjointed. To be honest, when the characters were either killed, possessed, or banished to the Realm of Darkness, I did not care in the slightest.

It doesn’t help that Tetsuya Nomura can only seem to write 4 or 5 kinds of original characters, resulting in everyone being a Xehanort/Ansem clone or a copycat of the Sora, Kairi, Rikku dynamic. Seriously, the amount of Sora clones in this franchise is absurd. 

The worse thing about these new characters is that Square seems convinced that the general audience needs more of them and forces them into the plot at the expense of characters we already have investment in.

The most egregious example of this happens at the end KH2 when during the final fight against Xemnas, rather than allowing the player to use Donald and Goofy, the game forces you to use only Rikku in the fight.

I don’t care that it’s meant to serve as Rikku’s redemption. He seemed to have redeemed himself with his self-sacrifice at the end of the first game. I don’t care about that stupid reaction command in the middle of the battle looks cool. It’s just another example of the game preferring style over substance. I don’t care that I get to fight with Rikku. I want Donald and Goofy.

I know we play as Sora and therefore focus on building his stats/abilities, but we put almost as much time into Donald and Goofy while we played the game. The player had to find the best equipment, do the side quests in order to obtain their ultimate weapon, mastered their trinity limits, managed their A.I. to suit the player’s needs in battle. Then the game rewards your dedication to these characters by saying “Screw you! Here’s a premade character with a default weapon you can’t change, and you only have the final level to learn how he is like in combat. You’re gonna love it.”

I’m sorry, but for an RPG to do that is inexcusable. Imagine in an Elder Scrolls game, before the final part of the main quest, your character is killed, and you must play as a premade Dark Elf Mage for the rest of the game. How about in Persona 5 before the last boss, instead of the Phantom Thieves, Joker gets a party consisting of some random side characters you barely interacted with in the game. Would anyone defend that design choice then?

The fact that I’m forced to only use Rikku in the fight, alongside how easy it is, makes the final battle against Xemnas in KH2 one of the worst final bosses in gaming, in my opinion.

I’ve been ranting about KH2, Birth by Sleep, 358/2 Days, Chain of Memories, but I haven’t talked specifically about Kingdom Hearts 3. KH3 is a weird case because it fixed some issues that I had with the later Kingdom Hearts games while doubling down on the issues it didn’t fix and adding new issues altogether.

KH3’s level design is improved somewhat. There’s still generally not much to do in the worlds aside from walk, fight, and do a minigame, however the actual levels are more open and intricate compared to KH2 and Birth by Sleep. The presentation is the best in the series, not just the graphical upgrade but also cinematography of the cutscenes and animations are more expressive than in past games. Plus, I got to give the game credit for making me like Axel/Lea, who before was just another forgettable side character.

However, combat is even more style over substance with additions like the Attractions Summons. The minigames are still as intrusive as they are lacking in quality. The retelling of the Disney plots is so bad here that there are literally shot for shot recreations of scenes from the movies with Sora, Donald, and Goofy added in the background. The Frozen and Tangled worlds suffer the most from this. Plus, the Pirates of the Caribbean world is based on the third movie despite the fact that no Kingdom Hearts game covered the second Pirates movie. Good luck understanding that plot without seeing the films. Dialogue is just as mind-numbingly dull. Also, you know how the plots of the latter Kingdom Hearts game can be described as having 30-50% filler, well KH3’s plot is almost 80% filler.

All this is combined with new problems such as combat feeling floatier compared to KH2 and Birth by Sleep, the emphasis on Disney over everything else, and the fact that this supposed “conclusion” to the trilogy didn’t fulfill on all the promises of past games, forgot to fill some of the plot holes, and felt like advertisement for games yet to come, makes it hard for me to say KH3 is a total improvement over the other Kingdom Hearts sequels and spinoffs. In many ways, it’s a downgrade.

You know, it feels like Kingdom Hearts is the Guns and Roses of the video game industry. Their first effort is groundbreaking and makes a huge impact on the scene. Subsequent follow-ups do their best to expand upon the initial outing only to end up with well regarded yet still confused end products. Then a new project is in the works and gets constantly delayed during which a revolving door of crew members tries to salvage the development, all the while a talented yet egomaniacal leader is micromanaging every aspect. Then when the long-awaited product is released, reviewers give mild praise while the general public is disappointed and finds the end result to be a mish mash of disparaging ideas while feeling almost unfinished.

Yes, Kingdom Hearts 3 is Square’s Chinese Democracy.

If I were asked to do a tier list ranking of each game in the series, at this moment, it would look like this.

This maybe a bit of a surprise to you since I spent the entire time ranting about KH2’s flaws, so let me explain. After playing KH3, I’ve come to notice more of the positive aspects of the second Kingdom Hearts. While I do think that they serve more to make the game easy and hate the excessive grinding that comes with them, the drive forms do give the player a sense of experimentation with some of these fights. In fact, compared to KH3, 2 has more builds for the player, as well as more balanced. KH2 is still easy as heck, and in my opinion inferior to KH1 in almost every way. However, I now appreciate more of the second game’s strong points.

Also, the music is excellent. I think that goes without saying. Yoko Shimomura is a goddess of music.

So as if this entire post hasn’t made it clear already, I love Kingdom Hearts 1. Unlike the other games in the franchise, it knew where to be straightforward and where to have complexity. It had a robust, dynamic combat system, the plot was self-contained and had more personality than exposition, and the gameplay was varied without being diluted. To this day, I find it hard to understand why most Kingdom Hearts fans prefer games like KH2 and Birth by Sleep over the original Kingdom Hearts.

Who knows? Maybe they like the combat to have some flash and felt the fighting in KH1 is too rigid. Maybe they found the puzzles, exploration, and platforming of KH1 to be more akin to fat that had to be trimmed in service to the aspect of the games that they actually like. Maybe they enjoy the plot because it has such a detailed lore and expands the narrative beyond three guys saving the universe from darkness. Maybe they find the new characters charming and enjoy the parallels between them and other characters like Sora and Rikku.

If that’s how they feel, then that’s more than fine. We’re all allowed to have out take on things and no one should tell someone else that they shouldn’t have their opinion.

That being said, in my opinion, while I do enjoy most of the games in the Kingdom Hearts franchise, the only game that I find exceptional is Kingdom Hearts 1.

[ventrue-rosary]

Kingdom of Decay - Chapter 4

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Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

Chapter 4: Not a Hero

‘What do you mean gone?’ Jedrek roars.

Addenus winces. ‘I don’t know what to tell you, sir. Only that when I went to attend the shrine this morning, Sanguine was...absent.’

Jedrek’s fists slam into the table. Amaranthe jumps at the sudden explosion of anger. The veins around his eyes seem to glow a bright red. His eyes snap to Amara. In an instant he stands before her, fingers digging painfully into her shoulder.

‘You...you arrived only yesterday...what do you know? Who are you working for?’

Her voice fails her. Under the terrifying scrutiny of the Head Hunter she only manages a petrified squeak.

Jedrek steps back, releasing her from his grip. ‘No...not you. Your Uncle…’ He looks to Addenus. ‘Send out men now. Drag Theodrin back here--alive. I have questions for him.’

Addenus bows and takes his leave. When the door swings shut Jedrek leans on his hands on his desk, his stooping shoulders bearing an invisible, immeasurable weight. Amaranthe stands silently, feeling awkward and foolish, unsure what to do with herself.

‘You understand what has transpired, yes?’ Jedrek asks after a small eternity of silence.

‘Something was stolen?’ she asks meekly.

‘Not just any mere trinket, or bauble. The founder of our order, the one we serve--Sanguine. Is simply gone. I do not believe he left of his own volition. He was taken from us. Your Uncle is our prime suspect. I know you witnessed our argument last night. He had to have taken it as retribution.’

‘He wouldn’t…’ Amara realises how foolish the words are after they part her lips. ‘What can I do to help?’

‘For now, stay here. Addenus will set more seasoned hunters on his trail. Get some breakfast, then Addenus will start your training. Hopefully Sanguine’s power can still reach you. If you can connect with him, you might even be able to get a location.’

Amara shifts were she is stood, already starting to feel the burden of Jedrek’s expectations.

‘Dismissed!

‘Close your eyes! Focus…’ Addenus repeats for the dozenth time.

Amara rises to her feet with a frustrated sigh. ‘It’s no good! I can’t sense, see, hear anything!’

Addenus runs a hand through his hair also for the dozenth time. Nearly all of his hair now stand to attention. ‘We need to get Sanguine back and fast.’

‘Not...here…’

‘Wait what did you say?’ Amaranthe asks.

‘We need to get the sword back?’

‘No after that.’

He fixes her with a funny look. ‘I never said anything else.’

‘I thought I heard a whisper…’

‘Not...Theodrin…’

‘I heard it again...Sanguine?’

Addenus is in front of her at an instant, shaking her by the shoulders. ‘Well, what is he saying?’

‘Not here, not Theodrin.’

‘Wait...not Theodrin. Then who?’

Amara listens intently, waiting for more words.

‘WHO!?’

She shushes him. But there are no more words. Her shoulders sag as disappointment sets in. ‘I don’t know. He’s no longer speaking with me.’

‘Damn it all to hell! Well, at least we know we can still communicate. For whatever small comfort that brings. For now, we need to work on strengthening your body.’ Addenus bends her arm upwards at the elbow and feels the muscles of her bicep, or the lack thereof. ‘I have my work cut-out for me.’

Days bleed into weeks and eventually months as she relentlessly trains day after day. Her body sore and exhausted after being pushed past its limits barely manages to get her to bed every night, where she collapses onto it, fully clothed.

Amaranthe comes to meet other members of the order, but she never finds herself growing close to any of them. They speak to her in awed tones, breathlessly announcing their excitement at seeing her unlock her potential. She questioned this choice of words every time she witnessed them, but is always told to just “wait and see”.

Amaranthe sends letters to her parents, bending the truth regarding her strenuous training and altogether omitting her Uncle’s antics. She casually asked if her mother has come into contact with him recently, but in typical fashion her mother answered Amaranthe's question with another question she dare not answer: "why"?

One morning, as she eagerly rips open a letter, the words written give her much surprise.

‘Happy...birthday?’ she whispers.

Amara rushes over to the window and thrusts it open. Indeed, outside the snow melts, giving way to the first flowers of spring. A handful of sparrows take flight, drawing her attention skyward to where the sun sits resplendent in a flawlessly blue sky. The morning air still carries the bite of chill to it, but there is no denying spring is here--and the anniversary of birth.

She allows herself some time by the window, enjoying the view and air, even as it burns her lung with each breath. Eventually, duty knocks on her door with a gruff demand for her to open.

‘Happy birthday, little Princess.’ Addenus holds a leather scabbard attached to a matching belt out to her.

Wordlessly, Amara takes the proffered sheath. She clasps the hilt of the sword and draws it, seeing real, sharp steel. She sucks in a breath as she realises she holds a real weapon in her hands. One for killing and protecting, not just training.

‘This…’ Words fail her. Awestruck, she steps back and gives the blade a few test swings, down from the shoulder, across horizontally. Perfect balance and weight.

‘You’ve made fantastic progress in the time you’ve been here. Figured it was time you had your own blade. Which moves us on to your next phase of training.’ Addenus’s expression holds an uncharacteristic grimace.

‘Which is?’

‘Its better I show you. Come.’

They return to the same training room but she feels strange, her mind firing constant worries and worst case scenarios. When they reach the room, they stop. Addenus turns to face her.

‘What I ask of you today may be your limit. But it is who we are, and what we do. So please, just trust me, and do I as do.’

Addenus pulls his battleaxe from his holster on his back, and draws the head of it across his palm, opening a large and bloody gash. Amara watches in rapt horror as the blood coalesces across the metal. Ghostly green energy surroundings it, small black insects swirling around in its depths. She smells the sour stench of decay rise.

‘Your turn.’

‘I--I can’t,’ she stammers, her eyes fixed on the thin line of blood weeping from his hand.

‘Yes you can. Thousand of men and women have done it, some younger than you. Some even more sheltered, if you can believe it. You’ll get used to the pain.’

Amara unsheathes the blade and holds it ready, but doesn’t find the courage to draw her own blood. It shakes in her clammy grip. With a cry she pushes the blade down.

There is pain, so much pain, like the burning flames of hellfire torment the sundered skin. Blood rushes down both sides of her wrist. The blade clatters onto the ground as she cradles her wounded arm.

‘Again,’ he orders.

Amara blinks at him through unshed tears. ‘What…?’

‘Your blood is supposed to manifest as a certain element around your weapon. You need to retry. This time don’t focus on the pain or your fear. Focus on your motivation. What drives you? Anger? A desire to be a hero? Vanity?’

‘I--I don’t…’

‘Why are you here?’

‘Because I was told I had to be.’

‘Bullshit! You defied your mother and your sovereign to come here. Why?’ Silence lingers following his question, except for the fading drip of her own blood. ‘Think!’

‘I wanted more…’ the words slip autonomously from her mouth, but when she hears them she knows it to be the truth.

‘More?’

‘I wanted to do more than sit on a throne and dictate on how the lands should be ruled, on how people should live while others risk their life to keep my people. That’s not the type of Queen I want to be.’

‘You want to be a hero? Is that it?’

‘Not a hero.’

‘Then what?’

Amara’s arm still twinges with pain as she reaches for her blade. Holding the handle, she cuts a line across her forearm, and watches with pride and rapt fascination as the blade becomes endowed with crimson flames. ‘A protector.’

[kalimarsdreamlog]

Dream 170: The Dragon Boss

This one has been almost completely rewritten since I had it over a year ago. Nothing major though, just making it easier to read, putting things in chronological order, and taking out the rambling. 

Like many books, I'll start this one off with the map. Yes, I was so immersed in the dream for so long in-dream time that I knew the lay of the land. It was quite large. The map is not to scale. The seas were much bigger.

The dream was set in a kind of medieval game. Link was in it, but she preferred female pronouns. She wasn't Linkle, just normal Link. It seemed normal enough in the dream, especially since I was Link some of the time. (Yay dream PoV-switching!)

The story revolved around a few characters. For a lot of it I was the last royalty of the fairies, orphaned at a young age. My name was Valeret. While the game mostly took aspects from an open-world Legend of Zelda, there were some Lord of the Rings things scattered in to the side. As Valeret, I was friends with Gandalf. Early on in the dream I went missing. I was actually hiding out in the Dark Forest from Sauron, but Link and Gandalf didn't know that. They were so desperate to find me that they even asked the all-seeing eye himself. Of course, I was hidden from view with the help of a friendly bear. So that didn't work.

And so, Link went exploring the areas between the final boss room and the Dusty Plains we called home to find me. There was no stamina wheel to worry about, and Link could use both the paraglider and the in-dream equivalent to loftwings, which in this dream was a (relatively) small dragon. She could also use the whip from Skyward Sword to grab onto distant things, which was useful for jumping from her dragon-loftwing to the towers surrounding the Wild Plateau. Said towers were mysteriously cluttered with stamina fruits despite Link not having a stamina wheel. Little did I know this was a sign for later.

Under the Plateau were hidden caves. It was a maze under there, but not only did you have to be careful not to get lost, but you basically had to play The Floor is Lava. Why? Because the floors were not dry, and the tide pools were connected to the Electrified Sea. Understandably, touching it meant instant death. Link jumped off her dragon-loftwing and glided into one of the caves. Unfortunately, she misjudged her landing and fell in the water, instantly turning into a spirit.

As a spirit she went to a ghosty waiting room type of deal. Suddenly I was Valeret again, (rather than just passively watching Link) also in the waiting room of spirits. It was cold. I remember not being able to get warm and assuming it was part of being dead. Well, now that I was dead there was no reason to hide from Sauron, and once Link informed me that she and Gandalf were looking for me I realized the wizard could get us out of here and revive us. I used fairy magic to send up a beacon asking for his help. He practically teleported us home in his hurry to get us somewhere safe.

Home was kind of odd, but beggars can't be choosers. It's rare to have a home to go back to in LoZ adventures. In the middle of the Dusty Plains was a runway used for landing biplanes, the other quick way to travel across the map. I landed a couple throughout the dream, but I don't remember what I was flying them for or when. Next to the runway were these tube-rooms not unlike tube hotels you can find at some airports. There was enough room for the bare essentials, like a place to sleep and get changed, but that was about it. Still, it was home.

Time passed and we progressed through the game until we were finally ready for the final boss. The final boss was a great big fire dragon that looked like Smaug, and was about as powerful as Smaug too. Basically, she was Smaug but female. According to the lore of the game, only Valeret could kill "Smaug." Link could help wear her down, but Valeret had to land the final blow, otherwise the fight would just start over.

We approached the boss room. There was an Emblem on a tower above the entryway. A Fire Emblem, to be precise, containing the power of "Smaug." As soon as we stepped foot on the land containing the boss room, the Emblem flared, and "Smaug" burst from the tower on top of the boss room. Link jumped back on her dragon-loftwing to prevent the boss from flying to our home and setting it ablaze, trying to lead her back to the boss room where the fight could take place. While she did that I was stuck trying to get to the boss room on foot, and, lo and behold, Valeret had a stamina wheel. "Smaug" landed in the field next to the path, lighting the field on fire. Every time I would slow down to let my stamina wheel refill (because of course there were no stamina fruits here) she would breathe fire in my direction, and I'd have to start running again. Link would then swoop in to distract her so I could have a little time to recover.

At last I made it to the boss room. Link flew in after me with "Smaug" flying in after her, and the fight was on.

The fight itself felt long and hard, but that was probably because I was physically going through the motions of the fight without using a controller. I was in the game after all. Had I been playing the game from the outside, I would be pretty disappointed if that was the final boss of the game. "Smaug" would fly around the edges of the circular boss room. Trying to cut her off from ahead would lead to getting incinerated via fire breath, but trying to catch up to her from behind was impossible. Somehow you had to cut her off from the side and do damage that way. After enough damage was dealt she'd slow down and we could latch onto the sides of her neck. Due to bad programming she'd get stuck in a stun loop where she couldn't attack us. After getting stunned a certain number of times she'd fall to he ground, where Valeret could end the fight with a killing blow.

When I finally landed the final blow the boss flew up, up out of the tower on top of the boss room. To escape her fate, to light our home on fire, I don't know, because she didn't get far. Her fiery power defeated, the Fire Emblem turned to one of ice, freezing her in the air, as was the only true way to defeat her.

And so ends part one of the dream. And so also ends the rewritten part of the dream, for I am tired and have other dreams to post.

In part two, I got to be the boss dragon.

After being defeated I had turned over a new leaf due to the efforts of a very nice Valeret, who hadn't enjoyed all the fighting. Now I considered the people living across the electrocuted ocean from my boss room to be my friends, because they made me see reason that destruction wasn't the way.

It turns out the reason they needed to defeat me was that when the emblem over my boss room was fire, it scorched the lands around their home and made them unlivable. The ocean would sometimes flood the area too and electrocute anything in its path. When the emblem was ice the ocean froze, protecting them from it, and the formerly scorched lands were able to thrive. The only way to change the emblem to ice was to defeat me, which stopping my destruction had been a nice bonus.

Well.

People from the opposite direction of those lands needed the emblem to be fire for their water sports. Trivial, but it was all they cared about. They tried to take me under their proverbial wing and convince me to turn the emblem back to fire. I didn't know my friends' lands revolved around the ice emblem, so I agreed because these other people were annoying and I wanted them to leave me alone.

I returned home to my boss room and beyond to the lands of my new friends only to discover the havoc that the fire emblem had wrought. I was still weak enough to be considered defeated if I got hurt somehow, so I dove into the ground to defeat myself and turn the emblem back to ice.

As expected, the other people didn't like that, so they gave me something to strengthen me against my will. With that I was powerful again, and the emblem changed back to fire. I was so angry that I went back to the lands of the people obsessed with their sports and was intent on destroying it. Screw turning over a new leaf—I was doing this for my friends, and I was powerful enough to do it.

Turns out the Mechanical Sea between my boss room and the lands of the other people was treacherous, full of great machines with missiles and lasers. I flew higher to avoid them, but ran into guardians from Breath of the Wild. I had three of them focusing their lasers on me at once, and no matter how powerful I was I didn't want to see the consequences of that. I went back to my boss room and waited for my friends to come defeat me once again.

Table of Contents

FAQ

[tfcrp]

THIS IS YOUR GAME

Name: Finn Cross Age: Nineteen Class Year: Freshman Position: Vixen Hometown: Kingsport, Tennessee

THIS IS YOUR MOMENT

TW: graphic injury, neglect/abuse, starvation mention, death mention, ableism

The dreams he spent years achieving weren’t his. Finn was never meant to experience cheer routines and competitions. Never meant to feel the weight of a trophy in his hands or see his name in the local papers. He couldn’t remember the last time he did anything that wasn’t related to cheerleading in some shape or form. He wasn’t living. He was lived vicariously through. And while he didn’t exactly agree with the terms, it was a small price to pay for the damage he caused.

Growing up, Finn believed his older sister Gwen was a superhero. She seemed to exist solely in her cheerleading uniform, performing daredevil feats as she charmed audiences with her smile. Their parents favored her talent and made a point to drag eight-year-old Finn to each of her middle school halftime shows. He watched in awe as Gwen earned one cheer award after the other; it didn’t take long for him to memorize their placements in the household trophy case. Gwen also found time to entertain Finn’s adventurous ideas: whatever her brother wanted to do—play in a pillow fort or dress up as a dinosaur—she scoured the house for supplies, waiting patiently for Finn to put them all together before joining him in the land of make-believe. Gwen’s greatest superpower, however, was her mind. She was brilliant, a straight-A student who always pushed herself to the brink for every bit of knowledge she could get her hands on.  

While most twelve-year-olds looked forward to high school, Gwen was already focused on college. She had her heart set on Palmetto State University. Not Rhodes. Not Harvard. But Palmetto State, where cheerleaders were ridiculed for supporting the infamous Foxes, where the orange was loud enough to be heard across the country. Finn never understood the appeal. His sister deserved the best, which the ragtag Foxes certainly weren’t, but he kept that to himself. There was no point in crushing her dreams when she did everything in her power to help him live his. Instead, he helped Gwen collect newspaper articles, magazine clippings, anything involving the South Carolinian university; helped her put up an entire wall’s worth of collage in homage to Palmetto. But in the end, he wound up crushing more than her dreams.

After watching a cartoon involving knights and their valiant deeds, Finn wanted to be a knight himself, if only for a few hours. That used to be a habit of his: he saw something on TV he wanted to be and begged Gwen to bring his vision to reality. The week before he was a firefighter, and the week before that he was an astronaut. Gwen never complained when Finn made her play the enemy. Or when he won every time. She found two long cardboard tubes that could double as swords and the game was on. Every game consisted of Gwen chasing her brother around the house in mock anger, threatening to destroy some imaginary property. When Finn ducked to avoid his sister’s attack and she broke the vase sitting behind him, they were sent outside. It was there, in the backyard, that a giant tree grew. The Cross siblings were always climbing it for one reason or another, and this time was no different. With the cardboard tube between his teeth, Finn climbed as high up as he could and sat there, waiting for his sister to arrive. She did, in that dramatic way she mastered, and the fight continued.

Perhaps it was the change in scenery. Perhaps it was the adrenaline. Whatever it was, it raised the stakes. Put more aggression behind their moves than necessary. Gwen’s cheer training made her too quick for Finn, who was determined to be the hero. He swung and slashed to no avail. It wasn’t until he jabbed the tube into Gwen’s stomach that he threw her off guard. She twisted to retaliate, and Finn attacked her again. Then Gwen lost her balance. The scream Finn heard as his sister slipped from the tree was like nothing he ever heard before. He didn’t want to look down, as if the very refusal would bring her back up to him, but he did. Gwen was crumpled at the base of the tree, wide eyes cast skyward, limbs contorted in positions he never thought he’d see. Fear kept Finn from climbing down as his parents rushed out into the yard. All he could do was watch as they knelt in front of Gwen, sobbing. Soon the paramedics took her away, and he cried. And cried. And cried.

The local news caught wind of what happened faster than Finn thought they would. While they never released any specifics, all of their warnings about the dangers of climbing trees and the importance of parental supervision seemed to make a mockery of him. Somehow people suspected he had something to do with the incident, and Finn had to avoid their stares and speculation. His parents avoided him, too. They “forgot” to feed him and take him to school. They left every room he entered. Turned up the volume of the TV to drown out his wailing. While his parents’ actions were heartbreaking, Finn felt he deserved them. He ripped the family’s star right out of the sky. Killed her—or so he thought. Gwen came crashing back into Finn’s life, now a frail figure in a wheelchair who couldn’t speak or do anything for herself. Her round eyes were cast up at the ceiling, forever frozen in time, a vegetative state no one knew if she would ever wake up from.

The guilt was stifling for Finn; he couldn’t even look at his sister without crying. The thought of running away crossed his mind. However, his parents had plans of their own. They wanted Finn to live out every dream he had taken from Gwen.

For the next decade, Finn trained under Gwen’s former cheer coach to become the cheerleader she used to be and more. As soon as he won a trophy or medal, it was stashed away in Gwen’s trophy case. His academic achievements belonged to Gwen, too. Finn wasn’t allowed to celebrate. Wasn’t allowed to rest before being thrust into a new routine for his cheer squad’s next title. He became a robot built to serve one purpose. At times, Finn wondered what things would be like for him if cheerleading wasn’t at the forefront. What he would’ve turned to instead. Whether he’d be happier in that lifetime as opposed to his current one. He taught himself to set those frustrations aside. Shake off the fatigue. Turn on the charm. Everything he did, he did for Gwen, a debt he could never fulfill. 

SEIZE IT WITH EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT

Finn took an entire year off after graduating from high school before heading off to college. In that time, his parents decided it was best for them to keep Gwen and Finn’s obligation to her a secret. They lectured him on what to do and what to say. They made him repeat the same lies over and over until they sounded natural enough: I’m an only child. I chose to cheer. I love Palmetto State. College wasn’t a place for fun or to make friends, only a place for him to showcase the skills he’d honed in Gwen’s honor, for his parents to live out a dream they hadn’t wanted to give up. And so Finn applied to Palmetto State. And, when he was accepted, then came the moment he had been training for: tryouts for the Palmetto State Vixens. His parents drove down to the college for the audition, making sure he knew that there would be consequences for failure. Finn had no choice but to vault and tumble, trying to impress the Vixens the same way Gwen impressed him years ago. As soon as he got a spot on the squad, his parents left without saying a word.

Everything Finn does comes from a fear of disappointing his family. With his parents hovering over his every move, he can’t afford to lose sight of the task at hand. However, it’s difficult to do so when there are so many opportunities around him.  Finn wants to explore Palmetto. Dedicate time to finding his niche, finding himself. He buries those feelings under his status as a Vixen. When he’s not in the classroom, Finn’s practicing somewhere on campus, pushing himself to perform bigger and bolder. Despite being an outgoing sort, he struggles to keep things impersonal between himself and the Vixens. He refuses to make attachments of any kind, afraid he’ll reveal too much about his past. For now, Finn keeps his distance, hoping he’s strong enough to carry the pressure placed upon his shoulders.

FINN CROSS is portrayed by TOM HOLLAND and is CLOSED