#last time i was there I drove like five hours without seeing a people

[pricesprincess]

t. fushiguro x fem reader x s. kong | 8.3k wc

smut mdni | repost | monsterfucking | knotting

running away is never a good idea, but in this case, it was.

you needed a moment to get away from everything before it drove you crazy. 

your job was the one doing most of it with the hours you had to work keeping you busy and more than tired, so tired you didn't realize your heat was upcoming very soon. 

it would be one of the worst ones yet since haven’t had it in such a long time and without the suppressant that would get you through it, you were royally fucked, being in heat and being single was hell on earth and you hated it so you kept it at bay but at least your feelings and heart were left intact. 

your eyes twitched as you hunched over the desk staring at the computer screen scrolling through the cabins for rent, the place where you could walk around naked and enjoy the peace and quiet by yourself. 

people milled about the work area getting ready for their weekend off but you had put in the request a month ago to take a whole week and a half off. your heats could be tracked thank goodness so you knew the time frame and since you haven’t had one in a while you knew this could last a bit and be intense. 

after enough mindless scrolling you finally found the perfect place, nestled deep in the lush mountainside next to a running river, the description said the sun set and rose through the stained bay window that cast an array of colors over the hardwood floor and had a clawfoot tub with a beautiful view. 

it was a one-bedroom that faced the mountainside with a balcony to enjoy the view and nature next to a dead forest this time of the year, with no neighbors to hear you get off like a nymphomanic. 

the thin walls of your studio apartment didn’t muffle a thing. 

“what are you doing?” your friend and coworker ami asked when she came over to your station leaning against the counter, thrumming her fingers on the marble top. 

you let your eyes drift over to her then back to the computer looking at the pictures, the click sound was something that you were able to drown out since it was something you listened to daily. “getting away.” you replied flatly. 

ami understood all too well as an omega and had enough heats to know what it was like, especially when you have suppressed it for a while, the feeling of when it came on was like nothing else and you needed to be alone for it. 

she leaned forward taking the mouse from your hand to click on another tab with different cabins. “i rented this one for two weeks, it was so nice but the people are close and like to visit.” you looked at it and shook your head. 

your lips drew into a pout as you took the mouse back from her and went back to the one you wanted and filled out the form quickly hoping you could get the slot.

“i don't want to be near anyone, there are woods close by for me to enjoy and the closest neighbor is two miles or more away, which is perfect.” you hummed clicking submit making sure that it went through before exiting the homepage. 

ami stood straight and patted the top of your hand. “you should find someone to help you through the heat, it’s going to be awful since you’ve been suppressing it for so long.” she sing-songed further irritating you. 

you wanted to snap at her, instead, you sighed and leaned back in your chair. “not interested, i don’t need anyone to help me through this plus being mated with someone sounds like hell.” 

it was a scenario that you’ve seen too many times. 

before ami could say anything her phone began to ring on her desk pulling her away from yours to hurry up and answer it. your eyes shifted to the clock again, ten minutes and counting down until you were free for two weeks. 

even though it’s been less than five minutes you opened up your email in hopes of seeing whether or not you got the cabin, every three seconds you hit the refresh button hoping it would be there but nothing but more spam. 

with a sigh, you logged out and started cleaning up your desk stuffing everything in your bag not caring before shutting the computer off. “i’ll see you later!” you called out to your co-workers and made a beeline for the door shouldering it open to hurry up and make it to the parking lot before it rained. 

before work in the mornings, you’d watch the weather channel to keep up with it because more times than not it was always changing. as soon as you got inside the clouds opened dumping rain in heavy sheets coating your car. 

by the time you made it home, the sun had begun dipping below the horizon turning the sky into a burnt orange with streaks of red and yellows that would make a beautiful picture but you had no time for that, with your bag in hand you scurried to your front door thankful for the awning that kept you dry. 

once inside you dropped everything with a soft thud and kicked your shoes off hoping soon that you’d get an email about the cabin, however, seeing that it was almost six p.m. and it was a friday no one would be there to answer the emails but you were excited and ready for a change of scenery. 

standing in front of your wall calendar dressed in nothing but panties while eating ice cream from the small carton you were able to figure out the last heat you experienced was seven months ago and this one was going to be rough, all the built-up hormones were suppressed waiting to be spilled. 

they started to ooze from the cracks and chips leaving you on edge which only irritated you further because you didn’t even want to feel how hot you burned up or how long it’s been since you’ve been laid, almost two years. 

but it wasn’t like you were counting or anything. 

with a heavy sigh, you rested your head on the wall and shuffled toward the living room looking down at the faded slippers you wore, the ones that have seen all of your teenage years, now you were pushing almost thirty and still single. 

plopping down on the equally ratty couch that you picked up free from the internet once you were sure it wasn’t bug-infested, the owners at the time just wanted to get rid of it, trash turned into treasure. 

your eyes tried to stay glued on the tv but it was a fight you could no longer win and ended up falling asleep with your head leaning back and mouth open. 

hours later you jerked awake from the slam of the door that rattled the walls. 

“fuck.” you groaned when you saw the ice cream you had in your hand had melted and dripped down on the floor making a creamy mess, the vanilla looked like cum almost, and perhaps that was just because you wanted a load shot deep inside you, it made your blood run hot but you pushed that back to stand up and gathered your bearings before cleaning the mess up. 

your phone vibrated on the corner of the coffee table alerting you to an email, forgetting the rag and melted ice cream in front of you, you snatched it up and unlocked the screen to read your email for the cabin, the one you wanted was now yours for the entire week, all you had to do was get through was two days. 

the smile that made your cheeks ache couldn’t be wiped from your face no matter what, the place you picked was perfect, and the woods were somewhere you could gather food and you could bathe in the river, connecting with nature would help a lot to get through this heat. 

after the mess was cleaned up there was a pep in your step as you started to pack your bags before heading out to your car stepping in a puddle which usually upsets you, but even that couldn’t bring your day down. 

going back inside you changed your socks and shoes then you made it to your car and pulled out of the parking lot. 

even though it was just two weeks you couldn’t wait to get out of the apartment building you lived in, the too-thin walls sure didn’t help when your neighbor's headboard banged in a creaky rhythm or the couple upstairs who yelled daily. 

you twitched in excitement as you pulled up to the sex shop, you needed a few toys to help get off and you had saved up enough money for a sex doll, well it was only just the abs and the removable cock to fit whatever fit your desire. 

walking inside you looked around and then made a beeline for the other side, the back wall was lined with an array of styles, sizes, and colors. 

you scanned the plastic boxes wondering what attachment to change out for something new when your eyes landed on a werewolf cock, complete with the tapered end and a knot that was already inflated. you grabbed it along with a few more toys then paid for it and left the store counting down until you left. 

with everything put in your trunk, you headed to the store next and bought all your favorite things to eat and drink, along with a few books from the bookstore down the street and some cheap wine to help sweeten the deal. 

it was two weeks of self-care that you’ve been neglecting over the last few months and it was building until it was close to exploding and before you let that happen the cabin was your getaway from your problems that have piling up and you’ve been pushing aside until now. 

excitement filled your veins as you drove back to your apartment. 

once inside with all the bags you packed everything and looked at the clock counting down the milliseconds when you could leave and since you still had a day and a half you caught up on some work, sending emails and making phone calls to regular customers who even caught on to your rare good mood. 

“am i that grumpy?” you muttered when you hung up the phone and leaned back in your home office chair, the damn thing was creaky and soon you’d need a new one but with your current pay that would have to wait. 

another glance at the clock and it was nearing dinner time. 

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monday morning before the sun had a chance to come to the horizon you were already in your car, fingers twitching as you pulled out of the parking lot ready to leave behind your life for two weeks, and thankfully the ride wasn’t long. 

with your windows down the cool autumn breeze filled the car as you passed by knotty trees with bare branches with thick wet leaves of different colors at the base of the trunk, when daybreak happened it filled the sky with a beautiful orange mixed in with purples and reds that was picture worthy. 

which is usually what you would do, but the only thing on your mind was getting to the cabin and settled in before your heat hit which was supposed to be on tuesday and last until saturday or even longer, but you had worked enough overtime to cover a few more days if needed be. 

you had everything set in stone, this trip was important to you for many reasons. a way to get back into tune with yourself, plus this way no one would bother you or call the landlord when you bounced yourself stupid on a fake cock to quell the burning need for an orgasm. 

the radio played the local station at a low volume as the gps voiced the way to get to where you wanted to be the most, only five miles away from your destination your foot pressed on the gas pedal before turning right. 

your tires crunched under gravel as you drove slowly now to take in the scenery, it was breathtaking and it looked like something someone painted where it hung up for millions to see and oh and awe at it, pulling over you stopped and got out of your car to take a few pictures of the place. 

it didn’t take very long for you to pull up in the driveway, your jaw going slack at the beauty of the log cabin, the pictures did not do it justice, the backdrop for it was lush mountains with a few waterfalls splitting them apart that ended in a stream following the path toward the huge lake no doubt for fishing. 

climbing out of your car you left the bags in the trunk and walked around the place taking note of the firepit and the grill with a few chairs that looked comfortable, your feet crunched over the rocks as you peered into the thick of the woods on the edge of the property when the door opened scaring you. 

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you. you ok?” a tired voice asked before revealing themselves, a woman who appeared to be in her seventies came out with a kettle hanging from her thin fingers as she eyed you. 

despite your heart beating louder than a bag of cans rattling around you nodded. “yes, i didn’t think anyone was going to be here…there’s not another vehicle around.” you answered confused about who she was and why she was here, when you got here you thought the owner would be gone.

you sent the payment directly from your bank account so you didn’t have to worry about this, you didn’t want to deal with anyone.  

the woman waved you in and shut the door once you were inside taking in the beautiful interior, almost everything was soaked in a deep red and muted browns, tan leather couches were in front of a large tv and the kitchen was small but it held everything you needed and the hallway only had two doors. 

it was an open floor plan with a large kitchen with modern time appliances. 

you followed her further to the kitchen where she sat the kettle back on the stovetop. “my name is may, i’m the owner. i like to greet people and tell them a few rules, or i suppose it’s to keep you safe.” she explained and poured a cup. 

“it’s nice to meet you. rules?” you asked wondering why it couldn’t be put in the email. 

“i’m glad you made it soundly and yes, rules. you don’t want to go out into the woods after ten p.m. the werewolves come over the mountains and a lot of them aren’t very friendly, they’d eat you up.” 

her voice rattled at the end as may turned to you with a chipped teacup. “thank you for the information, i didn’t plan on going in there unless it was daylight anyway, thank you for accepting my application. it’s very pretty.” 

may smiled taking the compliment. “you’re welcome, this property has been in my family for generations but i can’t live out here, my son will be picking me up,” as if on cue there was a car horn outside, “take care, honey, see you.” 

you followed her to the front door and hurried to check the kitchen windows making sure she got inside and watched as the truck kicked up dust leaving you alone finally for the first time in a very long time. 

after checking for cameras because you could never be sure you went outside in the cool october air inhaling the scent of nature, pine trees, and the dirt which never smelled so good. with your bags in your hands, you brought them inside before settling on the couch with the tea. 

the tv didn’t have much to offer so you shut it off and headed outside to the balcony that overlooked the lake with the sun glinting off the surface it was serene, this was what you needed. it was beautiful and for a moment you thought about moving out there, then thoughts of when you had to leave made you frown but that was two weeks away. 

turning back you headed inside and decided to check out the rooms, the bedroom was first. the walls were painted in that same deep red, with a four-poster bed and a mattress that looked like pure heaven, and a heavy oak dresser with a mirror shaped into a cloud on the other side. 

unpacking everything you double-checked to make sure there were no cameras before moving to the bathroom, it was small but still doable. the shower was a combination, and the sink was big enough to hold your stuff. 

ten minutes later you lay on the couch stretching your legs and looking up at the ceiling letting your eyes close shut eventually falling asleep until evening, when the crickets woke you up and for a moment you forgot where you were, in a panic you looked around and sighed plopping back down. 

after another five minutes, you finally got up to look out the windows only to be met with pitch dark until the outside lights were switched on flooding the front and back lighting the area up. you looked at the clock, it was only seven. 

may said don’t go in the woods after ten, there were still three hours to look. 

grabbing a jacket you pulled it on, shoving your arms through the sleeves before making your way outside, the crickets chirped louder creating a beautiful symphony of nature as the moon shone down casting a soft glow over the woods barely lighting up the mouth which made you nervous. 

broken-off branches from the storm that came through the other night snagged on your pant legs and crumbled beneath your feet as you wrapped your arms around yourself coming closer, a sudden painful howl that ripped through the night air that caused you to stop midstep and listen to it. 

it was a mournful cry tinged with a pain you never felt but you could tell it was a cry for something, may’s words of werewolves living close by rattled your brain, enough to make you turn around and head back inside making sure all the windows and doors were locked before turning the outside lights off. 

after sleeping you opted to make a quick dinner knowing that you’d be awake for a while, once everything was cleaned up you settled in the hot water in the tub watching the steam rise from the milky water, your body wash swirled in with it creating bubbles that lapped at your tingly flesh from the heat. 

seeping in the silence you felt your muscles relax, letting go of the tension you’ve been holding onto for longer than you should. stretching your legs out you used the new and very expensive body scrub that promised it would leave your skin feeling soft and supple, something you needed. 

a lot of your time was going to be spent in bed masturbating until your arm or fingers fell off from overuse and your legs would be spent humping the toy like a brainless horn dog until it was somewhat out of your system. 

you watched the water drain before rinsing yourself off and getting out of the tub with a towel wrapped around you, you stuffed your feet back into your trusty slippers and trudged through the house to grab some wine and settle back on the couch turning the tv on to let it play as background music. 

drowsiness set in again and you curled up in the corner pulling the heavy quilt over you and sat your wine glass down before eventually falling asleep again with the tv on casting a glow over the living room until morning. 

sunlight spilled in from the french doors and the stained glass of the bay window bathing the place in an array of beautiful colors that you stared at when you woke up still lounging on the couch enjoying the sounds of nature. 

pulling yourself off the couch you folded the quilt up putting it where you found it before shuffling into the kitchen to make breakfast quickly and enjoy the bowl of fruit out on the backdoor balcony watching the sun glitter off the water. 

you wondered if it was safe enough to swim in. 

with the bowl cleaned and put away, you stripped naked right in the kitchen and walked out to the balcony letting the sun warm your bare skin feeling the cool breeze harden your nipples, tightening them into hard pebbles. 

after a few moments, you headed back inside and got dressed before pulling a book off the bookshelf you brought from home and making something to drink before heading back outside on the balcony sitting down when you heard them. two male voices talking in hushed whispers not far away. 

your ears twitched as you stood up leaning against the railing watching them as they stayed at the mouth of the forest. they were both tall, one with black shaggy hair and broad shoulders, the other had dark short, and fluffy hair with the same stature as the other but he wasn’t as big as the other man. 

he was the same height although. you watched them with curiosity sniffing the air picking up their scent. werewolves. slowly you stepped back not wanting to catch their attention and retreated inside with a sigh. 

may wasn’t lying. 

you weren’t sure what they were doing until there was a knock several minutes later as you sat on the couch. putting your book down on the side table you headed over to the door looking out the small curtain and seeing the werewolves standing there, looking dead at you. 

“we know you’re in there.” one spoke, his voice deep and smooth like velvet. 

keeping the chain on you opened the door so they couldn’t step inside. toji’s eyes widened for a brief second seeing you standing there looking confused as your eyes shifted between them both, intrigued by their presence.  

he wasn’t expecting any omegas to come this far, especially one like you then his nose picked up your scent. shiu glanced at him and then at you. “we didn’t think may still rented the cabin, sorry for disturbing you,” shiu said. 

“do you need anything?” you asked curiously wondering why they would be here for may anyway, but it was no mistake what they were, the smell undeniable, potent and heavy and musky fur. 

they shared a glance then looked back at you. “no, thank you. have a good day.” shiu told you with a warm smile walking away first as toji lingered for a moment looking at you before following after his friend down the driveway. 

you shut the door and watched them from the window with the curtain lifted to see toji looking back at you with a smile that felt dangerous, his teeth sharp when he pulled his teeth back to show off, his scar splitting in half.

ignoring the interaction you looked at the clock, it was only late afternoon, and after making sure they weren’t in sight, you stepped out onto the balcony with a glass of wine and your book settling in the padded chaise lounge. 

everything felt almost like a dream as you read with one leg propped up letting the sun wash over like bath water when you jostled, rippling it. 

four chapters in and you could hear their voices again, murmuring back and forth about something catching your attention. after marking your page you set the book down and stood up to walk over to the railing looking down. 

“you’re ruining my reading time.” you called down resting your arms to lean over more meeting both their gazes, their lips tugged back in a smirk. 

toji chuckled and slid his hands into his pockets, his thumbs sticking out. “well, we wanted to come and ask if we could have dinner with you.” 

your jaw dropped looking at him with a stunned expression blinking fast as you shut your mouth so hard your teeth rattled. “uh, i don’t think so. i don’t even know you, also i’ve heard of the big bad wolf but just add another one.” 

“my name is toji,” he pressed his hand to his chest then jerked his thumb to his friend, “this is shiu.” you looked at him like that was supposed to magically make you all friends. 

they shared a glance and then turned their attention to you. “we could huff and puff and blow your house down or you could tell us your name.” toji teased with a chuckle that made your blood simmer, his gaze was predatory making you nervous. 

shiu shook his head. “we’re not going to do anything like that, don’t worry.” 

“i sure hope not, it’s not like you could anyway.” you murmured and gave them your name while thrumming your fingers against the railing debating on letting them inside, there was no telling what could happen if you got close. 

but it would be rude not to feed them. 

they watched you walk inside and then out the front door, around the corner to wave them in. “dinner then it’s my bedtime.” you called out and headed back inside heading to the kitchen to pull out a meal you brought from home. 

it was easy to heat up and you didn’t need to cook while here, you could focus on yourself when the time came. toji and shiu followed like it was the millionth time they’d been inside, immediately taking a seat at the table. 

“make yourself at home.” you murmured and put the food in the oven before joining them at the table sitting across from them. 

shiu was curious as to what brought you here and so was toji who asked first unable to help himself. “what’s a pretty little thing doing all the way out here?” he asked leaning back as he held your gaze with a waiting smile. 

you supposed that him calling you pretty would flatter you somehow. “i’m on vacation.” it was the truth, but they didn’t need to know the other reason. 

“or are you running away from something? someone?” shiu prompted. 

this time heat flooded your face as the timer dinged saving your ass. you got up to quickly dish out the plates before taking your seat again to eat. 

for a good while there was a silence that stretched between the three of you as the meal came to an end you collected the dishes and washed them. “thanks for the food,” shiu murmured as he attempted to help you. 

you let him help for a moment enjoying the quiet moment and charged air, something was lingering like a string daring you to play with it and see what happens when you tug on it, pulling open a whole new world for you three. 

once they were gone you finished cleaning up and opted for a warm bath before curling up in bed. the water felt good as you planned your day for tomorrow deciding to go down to the edge of the water with some wine. 

with your chair and a book you could easily spend all day down there, the thought of seeing toji and shiu again made your tummy prickle with heat and something else that ached between your legs like a soft pulse of want. 

shaking the thought from your head you washed up and got out to get dried off and dressed, sleep eluded you for the moment so you ended up on the couch again snuggled up under the quilt as you settled on a horror movie. 

it was nearing halloween and you always enjoyed the thrill of a good flick. 

you sunk into the couch as the movie played out putting you on edge which is what you wanted at first, regret trickled in knowing it was too late to turn it off now and go to bed, there was no way you could go to sleep now. 

changing the channel you settled on some reruns of a reality tv show until your eyes fluttered shut and you fell asleep on the couch again until the morning sun woke you up. 

sitting up you looked around and rubbed your eyes before getting up to get ready for the day, breakfast, shower, and a change of clothes later you ended up at the edge of the lake with your chair, blanket, book, and a glass of wine. 

it was a perfect way to relax which lasted for a few hours until shiu and toji emerged again from the mouth of the trees seeing you lounging there. 

you saw them and raised an eyebrow. “i’m not offering you dinner again.” 

toji chuckled and came closer, stopping a few feet away. “what if we offered you dinner?” he asked with a smile that made your blood thicken and bubble. 

going to their place when you didn’t know the woods wasn’t a good idea, you liked having the upper hand. “i appreciate the offer, but i don’t think i should go into your den.” you hummed and marked your spot with your bookmark. 

last night wasn’t too bad and they weren’t awful company you thought. 

“i did bring a lot of food so if you don’t mind helping me.” you murmured and stood up letting shiu grab your chair as they followed you back to the cabin. 

twenty minutes later the three of you were settled at the table again laughing about exchanged stories, weaving together past and present. toji was a heavy flirt while shiu was subtle about his, both of them making your head feel hazy and warm. 

their smells have been affecting you from your heightened sense of smell, your pulse was racing catching their attention. liquid desire started to simmer in your veins like honey, viscous and sweet producing a potent smell for them. 

the beginning of their rut kickstarted your heat. 

toji’s eyes darkened as he inhaled the scent, rich and heady. 

“you both need to leave right now.” you told them pointing to the door, the sudden change had you snippy. shiu had to push his friend out letting you slam the door behind them quickly in such a rush forgetting to lock it. 

your heat started sending a signal to your brain as slick pooled in your panties that felt drenched as you moved to the bedroom pulling open the box you stuffed with the sex toys feeling a soft throbbing in your womb. 

sleeping with two strangers isn’t what you had planned, especially werewolves when you haven’t mated before and you know what would happen if you let them stay even a second later you’d belong to them.

everything happened so fast as you grasped the first toy, a vibrator. ripping the package open you hurried to the bathroom and cleaned it quickly before crossing the hall into the bedroom to shuck your shorts and panties. 

sitting on the bed you leaned back and spread your legs feeling a deep ache as your pussy fluttered in response to the toy that rubbed against your clit, the ache grew like a vine, your body jolting when you turned it on, the feeling pulling a deep moan from you as you humped the vibrator with little care. 

every wave of pleasure brought erotic images of toji and shiu, taking them both at the same time and then letting one watch while the other jerked off before taking their turn. you wanted them to take turns with you like a toy. 

with a cry, you curled your toes feeling an intense heat bloom between your legs melting into your veins and pooling in your cheeks as you tilted your head back squeezing your eyes shut thinking of all the possibilities with them. 

the wet sound of you pleasuring yourself was loud and lewd as your slick pooled between your asscheeks no doubt dripping to the floor, every time you entered a heat especially one like this your arousal always left a huge mess, and oh how bad you wanted toji and shiu to clean you with their tongues. 

your brain was becoming mush rather quickly with each stroke of your wrist, the vibrator wasn’t doing its job which only frustrated you more than anything. 

with a soft growl, you pulled the toy out sighing, and let it drop to the floor before moving to grab the boyfriend replacer feeling your fingers slide against the material as you tossed it on the bed to straddle the fake thighs while you held the craved abs down flexing your fingers into the soft silicone. 

your head was hazy, filled with lust and the need to cum however you could. 

rubbing against the bulbous head you caught it on the soft opening of your wet cunt pushing it in easily with a soft mewl as you sat down on it with a wet squelch, your eyes rolled to the back of your head. 

for a moment you wondered if they had strayed far but little did you know that they were at your door, huffing and puffing smelling your slick and heat. shiu fought against everything inside him to kick the door down, but he knew that you hadn’t been claimed and that made his blood run hot with desire. 

toji decided to knock earning a look from shiu who raised his eyebrow. 

you stopped despite your brain telling you not to when you heard the interruption. it happened again and you knew who it was. “come in!” 

maybe that was a mistake but you had hoped that they could alleviate you of this, your brain could only come up with a weak whimper when you heard the door open followed by heavy footsteps and sniffing then they were in the room, the scent of testosterone wafted around them strongly. 

toji was the first one to touch you, his open palm felt hot as he caressed your back then your ass, gripping and groping the flesh. “what was that about us leaving?” he teased with a grin while shiu stepped next to you taking hold of your chin to turn your head to face toji who leaned in with a dark grin. 

you moaned as you ground against the toy staring at toji with a fucked out- look, your eyes glassy with bliss. leaning in you kissed him, your tongue parting the seam of his lips licking into his mouth tasting him whole. 

here you were making out with a stranger. well, the more you think about it you did know a little bit about them, but enough to fuck and take their knots? 

he growled into the kiss and kneeled on the bed to wrap his arm around your waist halting your movements so shiu could reach under you to remove the toy slowly hearing you gasp and cry out from the loss of it. “shh, we got you.” 

your head was hazy from their combined touches and kisses, all rational thought leaked from your ears as you allowed them to lay you on your back, shiu followed you down lying between your legs and inhaling your scent. 

“wait! i haven’t shaved!” you protested with a soft squeal and kept your thighs squeezed shut, albeit it’s been a long time since you’ve been with someone you always remembered them liking you being soft and shaved. 

shiu looked up at you from his spot cocking an eyebrow while sharing a glance with toji. “and do you think that’s going to bother us?” he husked drawing his thumb around your clit watching it throb and swell more in size. 

he leaned in pressing kisses against your hairy slick pussy, his thumbs glided against your lips as he spread you open to swirl his tongue around your swollen clit eliciting a moan from you while toji watched from the side. 

“toji..” you glanced at him reaching your hands up to grab him and pull him down, your fingers running through his hair tugging on it as you brought him closer, clinging to him for dear life as shiu slowly thrusted two fingers in you. 

you gasped into toji’s mouth rocking your hips against shiu’s mouth as you reached down to slide your hand into his pants, brushing your hand against his cock that was already lubed with a thick copious amount of pre-cum. 

toji was thick, the knot was huge even when it wasn’t inflated and you couldn’t wait to feel it. you glided your fingers up to the tapered end, rubbing your thumb over the slit before tugging his pants and boxers down revealing his throbbing cock, the girth was incredible and it was beautiful. 

a deep purple with a few veins on the sides and one prominent one that pulsed and led down to a heavy and tight sack that you cupped gently. 

the room was filled with pants and soft growls as you pulled away from toji to focus on shiu now, your hands buried in his hair as you rode his face letting toji suckle on your nipples only adding to the pleasure simmering in your veins. 

you felt warm and tingly all over as shiu stroked his tongue up and down between the lips of your cunt as his fingers brushed against your sensitive spot making you howl and arch your back off the bed while toji kept his mouth busy on your breasts bringing forth a wave of intense pleasure. 

your first orgasm was almost violent, stealing the air from your lungs. 

after denying yourself heat after heat it built up and you were soaking the bed and shiu’s face who lapped up the mess with a satisfied growl sliding his free hand under your ass to hold you close as he devoured you whole moaning. 

it was wet and so loud causing you to cover your face as you squealed and pushed him away. “give me a second!” you cried in between ragged pants. 

toji chuckled and palmed your tit as he jerked himself over your chest. “such a good girl for us. we want to make you our little omega.” he whispered darkly watching you come down from your high with a smug grin. 

agreeing to that idea wasn’t smart but you found yourself nodding anyway. 

“please!” you begged tilting your head back for them while gripping the bedsheets in excitement at the prospect of it all, you didn’t think about the future, just now and how good they were going to make you feel. 

so much was going on and you couldn’t keep it all together as you weathered the storm of bliss they put you in the middle of, thick fingers danced their way across your skin pulling and groping to bring forth more of your sweet sighs. 

shiu moved to kneel between your legs spreading them wider to reveal your glistening cunt causing his cock to twitch. he was the first one to get naked, revealing a hairy body with a full bush of soft pubic hair. “see?” he murmured and jerked himself off with no shame as you watched with a cute little pout. 

toji was next, both men were full of hair, curly and thick. instantly you sat up and buried your face in shiu’s chest then toji’s brushing your cheeks against them. “i don’t care who fucks me first just please do something before i die.” 

your voice was high-pitched and whiny but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care much when all you wanted was to feel their knots and cum a few more times. toji chuckled and slid his arm under your knees to push them back further. 

he pinned you down to let shiu rut his dick against the lips of your pussy, his tip gliding against your clit making you sigh and growl as you gripped toji’s hand feeling tears sting your eyes before coming down in fat salty drops. 

“oh, poor baby. she’s crying.” toji chuckled watching your eyes widen and jaw go slack when shiu pushed the tapered head inside the first ring of muscle as his hands moved to the back of your thighs gripping the flesh. 

you could see him gritting his teeth, grinding the pearly nubs together feeling the way your cunt swallowed him, wet and oh so fucking warm. the velveteen ridges of his cock felt incredible throbbing deep inside the drenched clutch of your pussy that looked so pretty wrapped around him. 

his head hung low to watch himself slide in and out slowly gathering your cream until it formed a ring that dripped down shiu’s knot that grew with each frantic thrust of his hips, he fucked you wildly as toji held you in place for him. 

the bed creaked as shiu dropped more of his weight down pressing into you more. “fuck!” you cried out when he slipped his knot inside, each pulse of your cunt sent him into a tizzy as he fucked you slow and with short and deep thrusts that left you gasping and clinging to him for dear life while sobbing. 

shiu knew how to have you gripping his bicep looking at him with wet eyes before his cock was spurting thick ropes of cum that matted between your pubic hair making a white mess in both of your hair. 

pulling back a little they helped you straighten your legs before wrapping them around shiu kissing him as you and he came down from your highs enjoying the afterglow of such an intimate moment before you looked at toji. 

“was wondering when it was going to be my turn sweetheart.” he murmured and twisted his body to grab your bullet vibrator with a wicked grin as he pet your hair kissing your forehead as shiu held you close to him, his knot now deflated enough to pull out making you whine with the loss of him. 

toji took his spot and turned the toy on. “sure you can even handle me?” he teased looking down at your gaping cunt that was covered in shiu’s essence. 

you narrowed your eyes at him and nodded pushing out another thick glob and sat up to grab his hips pulling him forward with a burst of strength before plopping on your back again. “stop teasing me…i need you so bad, toj!” 

that’s all it took for him to press the end of the vibrator against your clit making you gasp and jerk as he rubbed the tapered tip of his cock against the cum collection wanting to add his own. it was easy for him to glide in you. 

his hand found yours, linking your fingers with his as he leaned down to kiss you forgetting shiu who was kneeling next to you both, his eyes trained on you intently. it should be shameful to let this be happening but you didn’t care. 

not when it felt this good. 

you grasped his shoulders feeling hot white pleasure sizzle before blowing up like fireworks with each stroke, with the way he was filling you your head was so hazy, all you could do was babble about how good he felt inside you as you clawed at his shoulders desperately trying to stay tethered to the bed. 

there was now an even bigger and wetter mess between your legs, a thick frothy mixture of cum webbed between toji’s hairy thighs and the back of your legs that were warm and sticky from sweat as you rocked against him. 

his teeth nipped your bottom lip as he kissed you deeply, inhaling you like you were the air he needed to breathe, one big hand squished your cheeks together as he teased you with the vibrator making you cry out for him. 

toji wanted to feel you coming around him, he needed you again and again. 

before you could warm him your cunt spasmed around him drawing the tip of his cock deeper, nestling it right against your cervix. your eyes locked and you swore that your hearts beat in tandem as he thrust in and then came, filling you with a thick and hot load that seeped from the knot that plugged his cum. 

you clung to him panting and sobbing from the sheer ecstasy that washed over you as your vision cleared to see shiu smirking. “you two forgot about me, how are you feeling doll?” he asked bending down to pat your forehead with a cool rag making you sigh and moan from it as you kissed him gently. 

“hard to forget you.” you murmured against his mouth with a drunken giggle as you slid your hand up to the back of his neck to keep him there for a moment as you peppered his face in kisses and laughs as toji held you. 

the three of you stayed like that for a while until you were able to move on your own to get in the shower where they washed you in tandem. toji took to the top half as shiu took the bottom making sure to rinse the cum splatter off. 

they washed you with great care kissing you. “how does this work?” you asked squeezed in between their firm and hairy pecs grasping at the curly roots with a grin. 

toji held your hips as he kissed the top of your head while shiu brushed the sides of your breasts with his fingers. “hope your place is big enough for the three of us,” toji murmured with a chuckle making you warm at the thought. 

no way that would happen. you’d need a bigger place. 

“i live in a studio apartment, it’s just one room with a small restroom. we’d be cramped.” you murmured and turned around to face toji holding his arms. 

he moved his hands to your waist pulling you closer to him. “on top of each other all the time.” his voice dropped down to a husky whisper as the warm water cascaded over you, with with wet lashes you met his heated gaze. 

“something like that.” you murmured feeling shiu grope your ass now. their ruts were kicking in again and there was no denying the connection anymore. 

64.media.tumblr.com

three days in and you were sure there wasn’t a single inch inside and outside of the cabin you didn’t get fucked on. 

it was hard to pick your favorite. 

when you rode toji outside on the lounge late in the evening with the sounds of the waterfall in the background along with the wildlife and that night he was in his full werewolf form, his fur was soft and a good tether as you fucked him. 

you felt so full with him in this form and connected in a way you never felt with anyone else. in between all the fucking you three talked a lot and spent time together cooking and sleeping in the same bed. 

he nosed at your neck holding you close with thick arms, his claws close to digging in when you clenched your cunt tightly around him. “you feel so good, want you to cum in me please please toji i need it.” you begged softly crying. 

toji licked your tears as he pushed you all the way down on his knot that swelled once it was nestled deep inside, snug and tight keeping you plugged with his cum that he fucked deeper as he ground against you quickly. 

you clung to him and let him knot you again unable to count the many times he has claimed you, in his human form and this one. when he was like this, toji was hulking and beyond huge, able to bend you this way and that way. 

so was shiu. 

that’s how he had you the next morning with your face buried in the couch cushions as he mounted you in his werewolf form panting loud and wet in your ear fucking into you like a rabid animal chasing his high ramming into you with short choppy thrusts that took away your breath with each rut. 

he loved to hear you squeal so while he pulled out he enjoyed using the nipple clamps you brought. shiu tugged on the metal chain feeling your cunt squeeze as you squirmed and gasped pushing back against him with a grunt. 

they both had to have their noses buried between your legs, even at dinner one of them was under the table lapping at your pussy while the other attempted to hand-feed you, their fingers grazing your tongue making it hard to focus on anything else. “you’ve been so good for us, you’re ours now.” 

one time they were both able to slip inside your cunt stretching and filling you to the brim. “you’re taking us so well, and big stretch coming. you got this.” shiu murmured in your ear as kissed you shushing your cries and pants. 

it was an addicting feeling to have them both fucking you, and after training your ass with the toys you brought shiu fucked you from behind as toji thrust in and out of your cunt lazily feeling himself rub against shiu. 

by day six your cunt was sticky no matter how many showers you took, it was gaping with cum, dripping from the parted seam of your cunt. shiu and toji took turns cleaning you with their tongues until you nested against them. 

at the end of the trip, they had brought their belongings stuffing them into your car along with your bag, and went home with you unable to break the connection that they created in the matter of a single night that led to this. 

feedback such as comments and reblogs are highly appreciated, those kind words mean a lot and encourage me to do more writing this thing is my baby! i took my time reading and rereading it to make it extra good jkfrt ♡

[whispersosoftly]

the other day i had this very interesting conversation with a middle-aged librarian from Alabama during a really very terribly busy rush at my lovely gay job at a tea shop.

We had this sort of… cultural clash I needed to navigate like, twice

firstly being that, as she's from alabama and it's populated entirely by trees and racoons, she wants to mosey her way through a checkout line because, again, there are NO PEOPLE in alabama

You can totally just talk your checker's ear off about this and that and it's part of the whole thing, partly because, as they are also stuck in alabama, they have nothing but squirrels for company and need someone to talk to

this is very different from the city I live in or really any densely populated area, where the polite action is to keep your conversations with sales staff brief. If they are friends, you are totally welcome to chat with them! but if there are people in a queue, it's Understood that you are not so very important as to hold up the line

I'm originally from the state of Georgia, which is only removed from Alabama by the state line and probably a few less possums, and I only moved to the west coast in my mid-twenties, so I know this from both angles

she, I think, did not

I'm navigating a very harsh rush while gently attempting to scoot her along. I am neck deep in orders. There are people wrapping around the tables and toward the door. I am physically drowning. She is telling me about the state of librarianship in Mobile, Alabama, which is also very important to me, too, especially as there's a lot of stress put on libraria-- yes, of course i would *love* to add making an iced tea to the next order. :) is there anything else I can get you?--

Turning this very lovely lady out too soon for southern standards isn't good, because by a southern standard that would put the whole shop in a bad light, because I, the checker, was rude to her. I don't want to do that! So we do our best and I get to the important part, which is "would you like me to put your items into a paper bag, so that you are not carrying several smaller bags and instead just the one bigger one"

She doesn't hear me. It's very loud due to the massive avalanche of people patiently waiting behind her, and she can't here me.

I try again. "would you like a bag?" I make the universal gesture for a bag, which is to hold both my hands fisted in front of me and shake them up and down once gently, like holding a baby or a wet cucumber. She still is not on board.

Then I remember that in addition to being from Alabama, where literally nothing but deer and kudzu manage to eke out a living, she is also an old folks and an old folks don't always use like, modern english such as the word 'bag'

so I'm like… "would you like a poke?"

and she's like OH YES , YES I WOULD

and anyway, that's how i navigated cultural and generational gaps

[hurtspideyparker]

Peter places an envelope on Tony's desk.

Tony looks up confused, "huh? What's that for?"

"It's for you," he points awkwardly at the plain blue envelope, held closed with a Darth Vader sticker.

"It's not my birthday kid." He snaps the protective face shield back down as he picks up his soldering iron, sparks flying as he gets back to work.

"I know that I, uh. It's from, it's for. It's yours. I gotta go, see you later Mr. Stark!" Peter hikes his backpack up tighter as he skips out of the lab.

Tony grunts in acknowledgement without looking up, eyes focused on the searing metal in front of him.

* * *

"Tony? I thought you were gonna have dinner with me after Peter left," Pepper saunters down into the workspace in a flattering pair of jeans and baby blue blouse.

"I was. I am. He left like five minutes ago," Tony waves at her without taking his eyes from the computer he's typing on.

"Happy drove him home two hours ago. Come, have a nice sit down meal with me." Pepper wraps her arms around his shoulders from behind, kissing the top of his head.

"I can have a sit down meal. I'm sitting right now, bring the carbonara down here and it'll be a proper date," Tony replies.

"Yeah, you me and your computer. How romantic. Tony, come upstairs- what's this?"

Tony glances up to see her holding a blue envelope.

"Uh, it's the kids."

Pepper flips it around, "it says To Mr. Stark From Peter on the back."

Tony just shrugs and goes back to typing on his computer.

The delicate glue of the sticker is undone under Pepper's sharp nails as she opens up the envelope and pulls something from inside.

"It's illegal to open someone else's mail y'know," Tony teases.

"Tony this- god you are such an asshole!" Pepper smacks Tony on the back of the head with the envelope.

"Ow! What the- what did I do now! I was just joking about the carbonara thing... mostly."

Tony finally meets Pepper's eyes of scorn. She tosses something in front of him with a huff.

"Tony, he even used a Darth Vader sticker. Do you know how adorably geeky and topical that is? You have got to start paying more attention to the living breathing people in front of you instead of your machines. Dinner is ready, please come upstairs."

Tony watches her leave as the clack of her heels fade away with every step. He's not sure what Darth Vader has to do with missing dinner, but he's quick to get up and start to follow.

He pauses before he makes it out the door, turning to finish the last line of code before he forgets the function. He pushes something off of his keyboard to type and press save.

Tony can't remember the last time he looked up from his work long enough to consume solid food. He's so ready to carb-load with some Italian food, turning away from the computer and blue envelope.

Tony's eyebrows furrow. Hm. Darth Vader sticker.

Tony turns back around and picks up the envelope from beside his keyboard.

This must be what the kid was yapping about earlier. Tony sticks his hand inside and finds a card, pulling it out.

"Father's Day it is," the front says in bold lettering with a picture of Yoda crudely hand-drawn with a sharpie and green highlighter. Tony flips it open, "celebrate you we must" is written in the middle of the page.

Below is a message in smaller writing; "Thank you for everything Mr. Stark, we wouldn't be here without you!" with a blob of sharpie that looks suspiciously like it's scribbled out a small heart, then signed "From Peter, Dum-E and U" each name written in their own unique handwriting.

"Friday, what day is it?"

"It is Sunday June 16th, also celebrated as Father's Day in countries such as the United States, Canada, and the UK."

Hm.

Tony stands there and stares at the card for longer than he'd ever admit before looking up at Dum-E.

"You help with this?" he asks, pointing at the card.

Dum-E chirps happily, twirling his claw around.

"Your hand writing's terrible."

* * *

Peter enters the lab slowly, an unsureness to him that's out of character.

It's Wednesday, his usual day for coming over to Tony's workshop. He hasn't heard anything from Tony since Sunday, not that he usually does. Still, the quietness has unnerved him. He's not sure what he was even expecting from his mentor; silence is probably the nicest response he could hope for after embarrassing himself like that.

"Hi Mr. Stark," he greets once he spots the older man sitting next to a complicated tangle of wires.

"Hey kid, can you go to the computer and run the command I have open for me?"

"Sure thing!" Peter says as he dumps his backpack onto the floor and jogs over.

The two get into an easy rhythm and Peter's practically forgotten why he was nervous in the first place when, "hey grab us some sodas will you," Mr. Stark asks him.

Peter walks up to the fridge in the corner of the room when he notices something new.

In the center of the silver metal lies a single piece of paper, stuck to the refrigerator with a plain magnet seemingly scrapped from some old hardware in the lab.

Tony has his Father's Day card displayed like some dorky parent whose kid got a half-decent report card, showcased on a fridge like a toddler's finger painted masterpiece.

It makes Peter so happy he can't wipe the stupid grin off his face the entire time he's grabbing sodas and delivering one to Tony.

The older hums a thanks without looking away from his project, but as Peter turns away Tony's own face contorts into a pleased smile all of his own.

The two share identical smiles all afternoon, hidden behind soda cans and computer screens.

[amaranthineghost]

I'LL LET YOU GO IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT ( lando norris. )

lando norris x reader

a little over half a year later when the season ended, they haven't found their way back. At least not on purpose, but the universe knows better than them

authors note: I was thinking of making a happy ending, but not everything always ends up that way </3 after this, I'll work on two max imagines and then I'll see what I can do while I'm on spring break

part 1 found here

IT’S BEEN EIGHT MONTHS since she last spoke to him.

two hundred forty-three days since she last saw that sad look on his face in the rear-view mirror as she drove away from the past she half-wished was her future.

five thousand eight hundred thirty-two hours since she last felt his touch, his arms consoling and unwilling to let her go and yet she still left.

three hundred forty-nine thousand, nine hundred and twenty seconds since the peak of his performance at the beginning of the season. now she watched as he tried and failed to be what he once was. maybe not a winner, or a champion, but he’d had her, which was practically equal.

but now he had lost her.

now she watched as the season came to an end. poor performance after poor performance after poor performance where not all races ended in crossing the finish line.

she never stopped watching, yet she could never reach out, and neither would he. he was always going to be ready to accept her back into his life, yet he knew she needed time.

but she didn't know if she could do it again, though at the same time she kept eyeing his life in envy because part of her wished she could live the way he could without being bothered by the media. part of her was jealous he could live his entire life in front of a camera and be so nonchalant about it.

scrolling through his socials, they still followed each other and it caught people's attention. she read through countless tweets, theories and rumors of their relationship still carrying on behind the cameras, and though she partly wished it to be true, she hated that it wasn't. the fans still wished, and she would too.

the random appearances in the paddock had come to an end, unfortunate for the fans who loved whenever she’d show up in support of her boyfriend, turned ex.

because now all she did was stay within the confines of her apartment building, shielded from the possibility of running into lando. she couldn’t handle bumping into him when she still felt as fragile as glass. she felt like she would shatter if she saw him again, no matter how much she wanted him back.

but living in monaco means you're bound to run into someone from his circle of life.

it felt bittersweet because she wanted him back so badly, to have him hold her in his arms and tell her they’d make it work. but it’d never happened, and truthfully, she hoped it never would. because she knew that if she saw him, she wouldn’t go running back into his arms as if making it work again was the easiest option. because really, if she saw him, she would run, not towards him but away, and she dreaded the fact that he would let her.

he’d watch the love of his life run from him rather than to him and be totally fine with it. because he knew that when the time was right, she would find him again, or he would find her, and only then she wouldn’t run from him.

but he feared for the day that he would realize that she was never coming back to him. he feared for the day where he would realize he shouldn't have let her go.

and he hopes for the day, though it may never come, where she does find the right time to come back to him. he prays for the day where he would make the right choice he should've made the first time.

because in the infinite universes that are said to exist, even if she never returns in nearly every one, he hopes to live the one where she would.

but he knows that if there's a universe where she comes back, even after his idiocy of letting her go to begin with, there's also one where this could've been avoided all together. a universe where he didn't have to watch her pack her bags while shuddering with sobs.

a universe where he wouldn't have to go without her for eight months, where his performance improved when she attended grand prixs.

the one he'd rather live with her than without.

it was unsure when they would ever see each other again. they'd gone this long without seeing the other, who's to say they ever would?

it was chilly in the streets of monaco, contrast to the usually warm, sunny climate the area was known for. she wore a thick coat while she walked down the sidewalk, past the seasonal market with nothing more than her phone, wallet and tote bag.

she needed to get out, to think. she couldn't stand being trapped in the box of her apartment surrounded by nothing but reminders of him. not that it was a bad thing.

she couldn't take another second overanalyzing the helmet he had left for her. she knew it was part of his plan to have her back. to make her want more helmets dedicated to her, which he continued to do despite her not being with him. she'd be lying if she said his plan was failing.

the hoodie, probably tied into the same plan, covered in his damn cologne he knew she couldn't get enough of. it had faded over time, becoming replaced with the smell of her instead. she didn't know what to think of it.

she considered purchasing that same cologne again, drowning the fabric in its fragrance. it wouldn't be the same.

she felt like she could breathe easier with the winter air rather than the stale air of her apartment. sure, she could've stepped onto the balcony, but it was always nice to find a way out of her apartment complex.

hands stuffed in her pockets, she wandered around aimlessly at the shops that lined the streets and stalls set up to buy from.

riddled with things that caught her eye, she couldn't help but stop at nearly every stall. it took an incredible amount of self control to not buy everything she wanted. she didn't have lando by her side to buy everything.

this was her life now. she had a job that she could do from home and it paid her rent. it was enough to live off of while she completed her last years of school before she started a career for herself. tiny little trinkets seemed good in the moment, but she knew long-term that it’d eventually hurt her financially, and besides she didn’t have that much space in her apartment.

she didn’t know how much time had passed. everything was a blur as she mindlessly walked on. she hadn’t noticed when she bumped her shoulder into somebody’s chest, and she had immediately begun to apologize.

“i’m so sorry, i wasn’t looking where i was—lando?” she recognized the curly-haired guy in front of her as she stood there frozen.

“hey, long time no see,” he spoke slowly and warily, looking her up and down at the changes of her appearances that occurred over the last eight months.

“uh—what are you doing here?” she questioned, stuttering over her words just slightly as she looked at him tensely.

lando looked around with a brow raised, hands in his pockets while he answered, “uh, i live here?”

she nodded, “right.”

the air was awkward as they stood in a tense silence. people ushered around them, occasionally bumping into them. they hadn’t known what to say to each other because they weren’t expecting this impromptu meeting.

“how’ve you been?” he broke the silence.

she nodded again, “fine, and you? i saw that your season wasn’t too good.”

he grimaced softly at her words, “yeah,” he scratched the back of his neck, “just some technical issues.”

“right.”

the silence was back and more deafening than the first time, standing awkwardly looking at each other didn’t help.

again, he was the one to break it, “could i buy you a drink?”

“isn’t it a bit early for alcohol?” she questioned, looking at the brightness of the sky before her gaze settled back down at him with a weird look.

he scoffed, “i mean the coffee shop down the street,” his voice was a half chuckle as he began walking, leaving her to follow.

“well, you’re unpredictable these days,” she fell into step with him as they walked side by side in silence.

it took all of two minutes for them to arrive at the coffee shop lando had mentioned. they could smell the aroma from a ways away, the door left open to let in the cool breeze.

the shop was warm and cozy, most tables were occupied except for a few scattered around. she reached for her wallet to buy herself a coffee, but he quickly shut it down.

“it's my treat,” was all he said before he walked up to the counter with his card in hand to order as she took the two seater by the window, setting her bag down on the ground. she watched the world from where she sat, the people walking by.

groups of friends, pairs that weren’t quite at the stage of being a couple, or the single person walking by every so often. all without crossing paths. it seemed crazy to her how so much could change because of a stranger on the street.

looking back to where lando stood ordering, she wondered what her life would’ve been if they hadn’t met. they wouldn’t have traveled the world, stayed out late on rooftops, or partied in clubs despite her hesitancy. he wouldn’t have dedicated nearly his whole career to her because she was forever a piece of him.

she realized how much she had meant when she saw just how much of her he still kept. he wore shirts with printed pink bows, the one gold bracelet he wore among the silver and fan bracelets given to him by her and he never took it off. the way he styled his hair in the way she taught him, the matching rings they still wore, the references of her personality on his helmet for every race rather than a specific track, her name on his car.

her name on his car.

her name printed in pretty cursive across the top of his steering wheel and the halo for him to see.

he still managed to include her in his life despite her absence because he considered her his lucky charm. having reminders of her anywhere he could would always manage to boost his spirits, but only her presence would boost his performance.

the chair across from her pulled out with an uncomfortable scrape of the legs against the floor. she grimaced slightly, but it quickly disappeared when she refocused on the hand that slid a mug filled with hot coffee to her.

clearly they were going to be here a while, judging from the mug and not a to-go cup. she watched the steam swirl into the air as she softly blew on it while lando sat across from her with his beverage of choice. she also noticed the chocolate-chip cookie in a paper bag he held.

he remembered her love of sweets. she took a sip of her coffee. he remembered her order to the finest detail. he still remembered.

“thanks,” she spoke quietly before taking another small sip of the hot beverage. it slightly burned her tongue and throat as she drank, but she didn’t care to notice.

she was sitting across from lando norris, the one person she had been hoping to avoid this whole time, and now she’s sat with him at a coffee shop they used to frequent when they were dating.

“you’re welcome,” he muttered, his saddened eyes unmoving from her face, watching every expression of hers unfold. “so, how have you been?”

“you’ve already asked that,” she stated simply.

“i mean,” he started, leaning forward with his arms crossed against the table, “how have you really been? i don’t believe for a second that you’ve been fine when i‘m barely holdin’ it together.”

she sighed, taking another sip and grimacing at the burn, “it’s been difficult, but i know it was for the best that we broke up.”

he nodded in response, his fingers circling the rim of his mug as he stared into it.

she spoke up again, saying the words he dreaded to hear, “and i think it should stay that way.”

his shoulders visibly dropped and he bit his cheek before he looked back at her with colorless eyes, “but—” he began when she hastily cut him off.

“i need you to let me go,” her voice cracked as she spoke and tears filled her eyes as she avoided his gaze, “you have to let me let you go, lan.”

“please, don’t make me do this,” he begged, leaning forward again with a look that could make her change her mind in a second.

“please, don’t make this harder than it already is,” she shook her head as the tears began to fall, “in another universe, it might’ve been me and you, maybe the circumstances would've been in our favor, but not in this one.”

“it’s just right person, wrong life.”

“i’ll find you in our next lifetime then,” he promises, his eyes brimming with tears. he tried his best to hold back, for her, “i promise.” he tried to remain strong, for her.

“I know you will.” she said simply, smiling through her tears as she pursed her lips, sniffling as she played with her fingers. “y’know, i'll always be your number one supporter, lan. i'll still cheer for you, just from behind a screen. in that other life, i would come to your races.”

“but even in this one, i'll still celebrate your first win, your first championship. i'll vote you for driver of the day, even if you’re dead last.”

he chuckled sadly at the last part, the corner of his mouth twitching with a smile, “how will i know for sure you didn’t get bored of watching me race?” his hand reached across the table, his tan slightly faded and his rings cold.

she rolled her eyes softly, “you’ll know. i promise.” she laid her hand on his, the last somewhat intimate touch they’ll ever have with each other because after he watched her stand, pocketing the cookie he bought. he watched her through the window as she walked into the crowd as if their paths never met.

he watched with tears in his eyes, silently crying as he watched the love of his other life turn her back on him forever. he let her.

because if there was one thing he knew how to do, it was letting her go.

part of her wanted him to chase after her, wipe her mascara-stained tears just like that regretful day in their old apartment because part of her still wanted him in her life. she wished she could still go back sometimes.

he wished she would just come back. he wanted to experience life with her, he wanted to win with her, be a champion with her.

but he lived in the wrong universe, and he was unsure if he'd ever see her in this life again, in the way he wanted. they would bump shoulders on the street, looking longingly for just a second as they ushered by in a hurry. not looking back, but never forgetting how much they had meant to each other for the time they were together.

how crossing paths, even for what seemed like the shortest time to them, changed the trajectory of their lives forever. they would subconsciously look for qualities of each other in the people they moved onto. telling stories to their kids and grandkids about the other in regretful tones because they wished it was the kids they had together that they could tell the story of their relationship to.

because now they were just strangers, she was just a name he would forever keep on his car, and he was just an old lover turned stranger she would send flowers to after every podium and win until he would retire.

—

taglist (found here): @slut4lrh @taylorslovesswifties13 @leclercdream

proofread by @foreveralbon <333

[rogueabs]

Guilty as Sin

My bedsheets are ablazeI've screamed her nameBuilding up like wavesCrashing over my graveWithout ever touching her skinHow can I be guilty as sin? “- Guilty as Sin, Taylor Swift

You had built an image of yourself to your family, one your friends wanted you to break free from. They didn’t understand what it was to see the people that gave you life, seeing your identity and who you love as a sin. Meeting Abby for a one night stand painted brightly what you couldn't see before, her touch, how your bodies fit, that’s what heaven was.

Warnings: 18+ minors dni, smut!

Word count: 2450

photo from @thelosstvalkyrie

“Ellie stop”, you recall telling your best friend you didn’t need a set-up.

“Look (Y/N), there's nothing wrong with you liking women, why are you so afraid?” you couldn't take it anymore and the last time you recall is slapping Ellie and running away from her apartment.

H-how could she do this to you, she knows exactly why you’re afraid. All of your one night stands with women she knows so well about, you had to “please your sins” as your mother once described when she found you kissing Claire in middle school.

 “There’s nothing wrong with what you did darling, but it is a sin, do you want to not meet grandma in heaven? One day you’ll meet a nice young man to grow old with.”

And that’s what you did, as a way to let them believe they raised the perfect heterosexual daughter.

You decided to do what you knew better, a tinder hook-up.

You swiped and swiped left until you saw her… Abby. She had pictures of herself flexing at the gym, a picture of her on a bar and all you could focus your gaze on was how beautiful her strong hands looked wrapped around the beer bottle. Without thinking twice you swiped right and you saw the stunning “it’s a match pop-up”.

In her bio she stated that she was in med school and you decided to be corny and text her “If I knew a doctor could look this good I would be sick more often to pay you a visit.”

“Now would you?” the blonde texted back.

For the next 2 hours you both texted back and forth, sharing each other's phone number. You had never been so hooked on a woman through a phone, you needed her. 

“Want to go out for a drink tonight?”

Unfortunately you didn’t the reply you desired, “I have a final exam tomorrow, but we could meet afterwards, my treat;)” 

You replied agreeing to the delayed date and a few minutes later you received a text with a photo attached. 

“I’m taking a break right now, want to call?” you were practically drooling looking at the photo Abby sent you, her in a black tank top with boxers on, her brawny hand holding her shirt up showing her sculpted abs, the angle showed how well built and muscular and big thighs were.

You weren’t a stranger at the game of sexting until someone drove to someone's house to please the ache and pool forming in between your legs, but the arousal of not being able to get what you craved made it so much more exciting. You were wearing a baggy band shirt you stole from a hook up a few years ago, underneath it nothing besides a lacy thong. Knowing your angles made it so much more fun, preparing to send her a small video showcasing the clothes on your body you wanted her to tear apart.

“All yours if you desire.”

It took seconds until the sent, turned into a seen. She texted to give her five minutes and you ran all giddy to your bed in anticipation. Your phone rang and you picked up so quickly it made you feel like a teenager waiting for your crush to reply.

“Hi Baby”, she began the call, “You looked so good in that video, what do you get from being such a tease…”

Smirking at her response you simply said “I know how to please to get what i want.”

“Oh you do, don’t you?, I might have to rip that smirk off your face, my pretty girl.”

“So, what's the purpose of this call baby?” you questioned knowing the answer.

“Don’t play dumb baby, you know damn hell I want to take that lacy thong off with my teeth and tease you until you deserve it, what I would give to hear you beg for my fingers.”

All you gave her was a laugh and that made her fume, you could hear it in her tone “You’ll do what I tell you, and all I want to hear from you from now on is Yes darling.”

You caved in, you couldn't hold in any longer, the way her voice sounded made you wetter, the few clothes you had to cover you from nudity were so tight and annoying on your body “Yes darling.”

“Good girl… Tell me, how do you like it? Slow, rough… Oh baby if I were there I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you.Touch yourself baby, picture my fingers crawling down your neck.”

“A-abby”, you softly whimper her name while your fingers make their way down to relieve the ache you felt tying on your core.

“My name sounds so beautiful coming out of your mouth baby…” you heard her swallow a moan down.

The call lasted for one hour, it was filled with lewd noises, curses, pet names and how you were wrapped around her fingers, her velvety voice, her delicious whimpers of your name, you wanted to please her in any way you could.

You had to take a shower after that call, trying to clean yourself away from the sin of desiring that gorgeous woman to bend you, to hold you and crave you on your knees.

Before going to sleep you texted her sweet dreams texts, you couldn't get her out of your mind. She updated you on her day and at what time she had her exam, what both of you had for lunch. You picked a maroon dress to wear for tonight, it framed your body and accentuated your ass, if you could you would eat you out too. 

Sending her a photo of the outfit to know her opinion she replied with what you least expected:

“Baby we’re staying in, I need you.”

You couldn’t help but tease her every minute until she arrived at your doorstep. Preparing your favourite red wine, you left the chinese take out menu from downstairs in case she wanted to eat due to being stressed all day with her exam. Why did you care about a woman you had phone sex with last night, shaking the thought off when you heard your doorbell ring.

Opening the door you greeted her with a kiss on the cheek “Hi baby.” Eyeing her up and down you had to admire how strong and divinely her arms were built, she was wearing loose cargo pants and a white button down rolled at the sleeves.

Smirking, she greeted you back, placing a hand behind your back waiting for your guidance inside.

You saw her mentally undressing you, the way she licked her lips looking you up and down drove you insane, you quickly offered her the glass of wine you served.

“Thank you darling, for treating me so well.” The way she talked was smoother than the wine you were swallowing, it was driving you insane.

Putting the glass down you got closer to Abby, fingers drawing up and down her arms, “So… Where are we going baby?”

Confidently she smirked, placing a hand on your face, caressing it with her calloused fingers, she placed on your lips “I thought I said we weren’t going anywhere”, she turned to you, spreading her legs open with her free hand going up and down her thigh “I want to thank you, for looking so absolutely stunning, the wine…”, Abby got up placing the hand that was on your face to your neck, and now brushing your hair behind your ear, she got closer, you could feel her warm breath sending shivers down your body “I want to hear you scream my name tonight.” she whispered in your ear, this made you wetter than you could have possibly have ever been before, no woman has ever driven you this crazy, the arousal was built to an extent you couldn’t bear anymore it was embarrasing.

“Is that what you want?” She asks you, her hand still steady on your neck.

You frantically nod yes, “Can I kiss you darling?” with that question you latched your lips to hers hungrily. There was hair tugging, your tongues battling for dominance, lip biting and you couldn't even dare to come up for air, drunk on this intimacy and excitement.

Abby threw you on your couch, trapping you underneath her strong frame, nibbling on your ears, biting and sucking down your neck, you were so sure those bruises looked ethereal and marked on you for days, and you weren’t mad. You tugged on her braid, making her produce an hungry growl for you touch, both eager for more Abby jumped up and took her buttoned shirt off fast, leaving her in sports bra that cupped her perky breasts perfectly, focused on the show she was giving you felt the wet spot on your underwear growing. “C’mon pretty girl, stand up.” Abby ordered you, “Turn around for me, I need this fucking dress gone.” 

You allowed her to unzip it, letting it run off your body, leaving you only in your panties, a bra didn’t really match the dress, nor did it look good with it, giving Abby a reason to snicker at you “All of this for me, damn… you really are a whore.” She grabbed your tits from behind, admiring them, feeling them, afraid to let them go and to lose such a sight for bare eyes, when she let go, she turned you around, spread her legs and demanded you to sit on her lap.

Sitting down she looked at you up and down, murmuring a soft fuck, “Darling if you don’t want this tell me okay?” you place your hand behind her head, playing with the loose strands of her hair “I want you, I crave you baby.” you replied tugging at her hair, grinding on her crotch.

Abby kissed you, passionately, it was a needy kiss, a hunger only you could ease. Her hands travelled to your back, to your thighs, her lips explored and kissed your nipples, earning some moans of your pleasure made her more aroused.

“P-please” you choked out “Baby please fuck me.” you said looking her in the eyes.

Abby complied and her hands travelled down your clothed pussy, fingers drawing circles on your clit, slow and hard. “I don’t want you to hold back, pretty girl,” She said, picking up the pace, “I want everyone in this building to know whose pussy this is.” 

You were a screaming mess, breaking underneath her hands, you were grinding into her digits, she slid them in, two, curling them in fast in all the right places. Suddenly she stopped and told you to get them off, and you quickly did so, tossing them near the dress. “Come here pretty girl”, Abby said, nudging the fingers that were inside you seconds ago, she licked clean, “You’re going get on your knees, and unzip my pants okay?” You nodded and did as told, unzipping them you noticed she had a strap on, you could smell the arousal through the arness, your mouth watering at the sight of her and of what you were about to do.

Kicking her pants off, Abby grabbed your hair into a ponytail, cocked your head back “Open up.” she said in a raspy voice. Spitting your mouth, you swallowed and opened your mouth for her to see. “You’re going to suck my cock okay baby? Get it all wet and ready for your tight pussy.” She pushed your head in her crotch and you did as you were told, moaning into her cock you could see her eyes closing in pleasure, the pretty girl you were sucking off was too busy swearing under her breath and it turned you on even more.

Abby pulled you up, picking your body up and placing it on the couch, she opened your legs and played with her plastic cock in your entrance, sliding it up and down, up and down in your slick “Do you want it?” she asked. 

“Yes, Yes I do” you replied looking in her eyes.

“Tell me you want it darling.” she said behind grinding teeth harshly, “Fuck me please,Abby, I fucking need you to ruin me.” you replied in a whine, desperate for your release that has been building up, as much as you enjoy edging this wasn’t fun, you need to let her taste you, hear you, to devour you.

After your excited consent Abby chuckled and slid her cock in, fast, and so hard you felt yourself have no time to clench around her “You’re going to be good and take it okay?” You screamed a yes so loudly your neighbour probably got scared shitless. She pounded into you with the purpose of hearing your delicious moans feeling up the room, she started going slower, softer and then hard, she was playing with you, and you couldn't take it, your hands started going down to your clit, searching to get you off, Abby caught you and trapped your wrist above your head, “You could have just asked nicely you whore,” she got off from top of you. Pulling you up carefully, she sat down, and just like you were before, Abby spread her legs “Ride my cock baby.”

You got on top of her, slowly sinking in her cock, she placed your hands behind your back, trapping your arms with one of her strong hands while the other was busy playing with your clit.

“C’mon baby, you were so eager to cum” Abby said, making you grind faster, making yourself riding her harder, reaching deeper, you could feel your release growing, the not on your stomach was going to burst soon “Fu-Fuck baby, I’m so fucking close.” you threw your head back.

“Cum on my cock baby, I want to feel you clench so tightly around me you’ll feel me for weeks.” She was also panting and moaning like crazy, the hunger in the room was palpable, the room smelled of sex, sweat and passion.

In minutes you were both reaching your highs, filling the apartment with wet and loud moans and praises for each other.

Abby helped you get up, she was caring, which wasn’t really what you were used to, maybe this wasn’t a one night stand. Sitting you down on the couch, trying to catch your breath, Abby was getting her harness off, placing it on your coffee table, she sat down next to you, caressing your hair and tracing her fingers softly on your face.

“Do you by any chance want to stay over?” you boldly asked the beautiful woman in front of you.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” 

[loulovingho]

The Gables

Part 3 of my meeting the parents series. one more to go! all can be read individually, but they're better together. Start from the beginning here. Read part 3 below, or on ao3. tags are all on ao3.

It was about a three hour drive to Tommy's parents place in Hanford. It was south of Fresno, which Buck had been to a few times over the years, but he'd never paid attention to Hanford.

“It's relatively small,” Tommy had told him. “Most people don't notice it.”

It had been a week since Tommy had gotten the call from his mom. It was short, just under five minutes. If Buck was honest, not much was even said during those minutes, but when Tommy hung up he took a deep breath and asked Evan if he'd like to go for a day visit.

“I haven't been home in a year,” he'd said, “and mom needs help with a couple things.”

Tommy almost looked like he was about to be sick. His skin paled and there seemed to be a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. Against everything screaming in his mind, Buck didn't ask questions right then. He simply responded with a yes, that he'd be happy to come along, and left it at that.

Tommy didn't talk about his parents often. He'd mentioned that his dad was a lot like Gerrard, said his mom wasn't really the hugging type, but hadn't really divulged anything beyond that.

Buck could get him to open up about nearly everything in his life, even the uncomfortable stuff from his past that he still beat himself up over on occasion, but when it came to his parents and the life he had with them... there was a whole lot of nothing.

“Anything I should know before we get there?” Buck asked. He'd asked the question a couple of times over the past week, always getting the same answer.

“Uh, no. No, I don't think so.”

“Come on, Tommy, I gave you an entire presentation on the Buckley's before you met my parents. It's good to be prepared.”

Tommy let out an exasperated sigh. “I'm not sure there's a way to be prepared for the Kinard's, Evan. You can't really predict them.”

“Okay, so unpredictable. See, I can work with that.”

Buck's earnestness elicited a smile from Tommy. It was a good sight to see, seeing as he'd been pretty tense since they went to bed last night. He reached over and took Evan's hand, resting them over the center console. “I'm not trying to make it hard on you,” he said, “I promise. I just... I don't really know them all that well either. They're hard to describe. It's been a year, and the last time I was home it ended in my dad getting nearly blackout drunk and my mom throwing a frying pan at his head. She missed,” he reassured Evan, who was not very reassured, “but still, she tried. It was weird though, because the time before that, they were “so in love” and “couldn't be without each other”, which I had also never seen growing up. That's, you know, what I mean by unpredictable.”

Buck nodded, feeling a bit in over his head. “I see.”

“You'll be fine though,” he said, giving Buck's hand a squeeze. “It'll... It'll be fine.”

Buck wondered if Tommy knew just how unsure he sounded right now. It made the knots in Buck's stomach get even tighter.

*****

They drove for a little while after getting off the highway, turned down random street after street until Tommy turned into a neighborhood with a broken gate. 'The Gables Trailer Park' a sign read. The further they drove into The Gables, the more potholes filled the road, causing a fairly bumpy ride.

Trailers were spread out along the open, flat terrain. Some had grass around their homes, others dirt and rocks.

“Is this where you grew up?” Buck asked. He wasn't sure if he was headed to Tommy's childhood home, or a place his parents had moved after he left.

“Yeah, from about eight up. Before that we lived in an apartment in Fresno, but my dad's dad lived here. When he died, he left the place to dad, and it was cheaper than the apartment so we moved.”

They drove for about half a mile until Tommy pulled off the road in front of a trailer. It was an ivory color with brown trim. Looked like it hadn't been painted in quite a few years. There were panels covering parts of the lower half of the trailer, but gaps made it so you could still see underneath. This particular trailer wasn't set on grass, but on what was currently some muddy dirt thanks to the surprise rain storm they'd had the night before.

There was a blue tarp over part of the roof. A sign on the right side of the door informed that trespassers would be shot, while a sign on the left side told them to beware of dog.

“They don't have a dog,” Tommy said, apparently reading Buck's mind. “And dad had to give up his guns like five years ago. Ready?”

Tommy opened his door and got out before Buck had the chance to ask the nearly fifty questions that were popping into his mind. First on the list was asking why his dad had to give up his guns? He'd have to remember that question for later.

He took a deep breath and got out of the truck, straightening out his jacket before he shut the door behind him.

Tommy waited for Buck at the front of the truck, holding out his hand as Buck stepped closer to him. “It'll be fine,” Tommy said, pulling Buck close. “Just remember, no matter what, we're leaving by five.”

When they got to the front door, Tommy knocked twice, then let go of Buck's hand while they waited.

“Sometimes they don't hear the first knock,” he said after a few seconds, then knocked again.

“I'm coming, I'm coming!” A woman yelled, swinging the door open. “I'm old, you gotta give me more time.”

“Hi, Mom,” Tommy greeted. Her eyes moved quickly from him to Buck, who gave her a smile.

“You brought someone.” She sounded unimpressed.

“This is Evan Buckley, Mom. He goes by Buck. Evan, this is my mom, Alice.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Kinard.” Buck held his hand out for a shake. She hesitated, wiped her hand off with the hand towel she was holding, then shook.

“Buck,” she replied simply.

She was a small woman, no more than 5'2. Her white hair was pulled back in a bun, and she didn't seem to wear makeup the way Buck's mom did. She wore a red t-shirt and blue jeans, socks but no shoes, and no smile anywhere in sight.

“Well, come in,” she said, waving the hand towel in their direction. “Don't want the flies coming in.”

The second Buck walked in his nose began to burn. The place reeked of cigarettes, with a faint scent of beer that lingered in the air.

“I got a list of things I need you to do while you're here today,” she said, shutting the door behind them. “Your friend can help if you need him to. Go say hello to your dad while I get the list from the kitchen.”

The living room was to the right, and when Buck looked over he could see a man sitting in a recliner, facing away from them, watching TV.

Tommy sucked in a deep breath before heading over to him, Buck following a couple steps behind.

“Dad,” he started.

His dad turned away from the TV long enough to give both he and Buck a glance, then turned back. “Didn't know we'd have company today.”

“Mom didn't tell you I was coming?”

“She told me you were coming.”

Tommy rubbed anxiously at the back of his neck. Buck wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him, hold his hand, stroke his back, press a reassuring kiss to his shoulder. He knew none of those things were good options at the moment.

“Right. Um, Dad, this is Buck. Buck, this is Frank.”

“Hello, Mr. Kinard. Nice to meet you.” He didn't try to shake his hand. Frank was too focused on whatever show he was watching.

“Mm,” he grunted. “Tommy, get me another beer while you're up.”

Tommy brought his hand to Buck's elbow, “You can sit if you want,” he said quietly. “I'll be right back.”

Buck nodded, walked over to the couch and sat.

He looked around, taking the place in. Almost everything inside looked like it came out of the 80's. A floral sofa, grayed in the places it used to be white. A brown recliner that Frank sat in. The TV had an antenna, and there was an old stereo in the corner. None of the furniture matched, and magazines and newspapers sat on top of most of the flat surfaces.

Buck spared an extra look or two at Frank, trying to find any resemblance between him and Tommy. He couldn't.

Frank had leathery skin, with salt and pepper hair. His wasn't curly the way Tommy's was when he didn't have any product in it. There were no laughter lines on his face, which was on Buck's favorite things about Tommy. He wore a white shirt that fit tight over his beer belly, and stretchy shorts with bleach stains. He hadn't shaved in a few days, and his short beard came in patchy. He seemed tall, but not quite 6'2.

The sound of Frank's voice brought Buck out of his thoughts.

“I'm sorry, Sir, what was that?” he asked, noticing that Frank was looking in his direction.

Buck had gone over a list of potential questions in his head, and the way he'd answer them.

“We met on a rescue mission. We've been together nearly a year now. I moved in just after Christmas. I know some would think it's too fast, but when you know you know. You've raised a great man.”

There was not a single part of him that ever anticipated the question he got instead.

“So, which one's the boy and which one's the girl?”

Buck stared at him, dumbfounded. “I- um, there's-”

“Don't know how many times I gotta say it, Dad,” Tommy said, walking back into the room with a beer in hand, “there is no girl. That'd kinda ruin the whole being gay thing for me.”

Frank grabbed the beer from Tommy, leaned over and popped the cap off on the side table. “Sure would make it a lot better for me.”

Tommy went to open his mouth, but Alice cut him off. “Come get the list!” she called from the kitchen. “Need to get started so you're done by this evening.”

*****

They didn't talk about Frank or Alice while Buck helped Tommy fix the bathroom sink. He just handed him the tools whenever Tommy asked.

Nothing was mentioned while they changed lightbulbs, or rehung a picture in the main bedroom, or moved a piece of furniture out of the house and onto the side of the road for trash pickup. They both stayed relatively silent until they headed into the spare bedroom for Tommy to fix the fan.

“Was this your room?” Buck asked, looking around for signs of young Tommy.

There didn't seem to be any.

“It was,” Tommy replied.

There was an old bed in the room with a brown and yellow quilt on top. An oak dresser in the corner with newspapers poking out of the drawers. The closet door was ajar, the inside so filled with boxes that it couldn't shut all the way. The paint was chipping from the walls, and there was a dampness in the air from a window that was left open about an inch.

“Is anything in here yours?” Buck asked as Tommy stood on the bed to get started on the fan.

“Um,” he glanced around, spotting a cowboy hat on a chair in the corner. “That hat was mine,” he said. “I used to pretend I was a cowboy when I was little.”

Buck smiled at the thought. He went over and picked up the hat. He tried to imagine a little Tommy running around, faking a country accent with a worn red and black cowboy hat.

“I need to get you one of these for home,” Buck said. “Maybe some boots, a western shirt, chaps.”

“Oh God,” Tommy shuddered. “That sounds like quite possibly the worst role-play of all time.”

Buck tilted his head, eying Tommy up and down, imagining. “I don't know, sounds pretty good to me.”

“I can't even see you right now, but I know you're looking at me like that, and it's making it very difficult for me to concentrate.”

Buck laughed. “Okay, okay. What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to stand there and look pretty, but not too pretty.”

“So, you don't really need my help?”

Tommy stopped messing with the fan to smile down at him. “I always need your help, Evan.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “That's a no then. I think I'll go see if your mom needs any help.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

He patted Tommy's shin before heading for the door. “I'm sure I'll survive, Cowboy,” he said, earning a snort from Tommy.

*****

While Tommy continued with the fan, Buck made his way toward the kitchen where Alice was fixing a late lunch.

“Mrs. Kinard, is there anything I can help you with?”

She sighed, like he was disturbing her peace. “You know how to chop lettuce?”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

She grabbed a head of iceberg lettuce and plopped it down on the kitchen table with a knife and a bowl. “Frank doesn't know how to do anything in the kitchen,” she said, motioning for him to sit and get to it. “At least he pretends he doesn't. Been pretending for forty-eight years.”

“You two have been together a long time. You're lucky.”

She snorted. “Don't know if I'd say that. But, we're lifers.”

Buck chopped the lettuce carefully, as though he were going to get graded on his ability. He wanted it to look perfect.

“Can I ask you a question about Tommy?” Buck asked.

“You can try,” she replied. “Not sure I'll be able to answer.”

“I was just wondering what he was like as a kid? He's only has a couple pictures of himself when he was young, but most are from his time in the army.”

“I'm sure I've got some laying around here somewhere,” Alice answered, grabbing up some more vegetables and sitting down across from Buck. She eyed his lettuce for a moment, then set a couple tomatoes in front of him.

It felt like getting an A+ on a report card.

“Tommy was a busy kid. Always running around, getting into trouble. Never really told me much about what he was doing, but when he got caught... Well, it would've been better if he hadn't.”

Buck wanted to ask what she meant, but a part of him wasn't sure he wanted to know.

He didn't have to wonder long, Alice continuing as she chopped an onion.

“He stole fireworks from a shop when he was twelve, set them off in the woods outback. Nearly started a forest fire.” She shook her head. “Kid couldn't sit right for a week after Frank was done with him.”

Buck wasn't sure what to say to that, so he opted to move past it completely. “What about when he got older?”

“He was real quiet in high school. Didn't make friends easily. Smart though. Graduated early, but then he got bored. Running around here and there, no steady job, nothing. That's when Frank drove him to the recruiters office in Fresno. Told him he either signed up or pitched him a tent on the street somewhere. He left for basic a couple months before his eighteenth birthday.”

“He was only seventeen?” Buck asked, wide eyed. In all his army stories, Tommy had never mentioned the fact he was seventeen when he joined, and Buck himself had never thought of it as a possibility. He knew he was young, but the idea that Tommy couldn't even vote when he started his career in the military was especially baffling.

“Yup. Frank said it'd be the best thing for him. He was probably right.”

“H- He must've been scared,” Buck said quietly, mostly to himself, but Alice heard.

“Being scared's a part of life,” she replied coldly. “You overcome it, get better for it.” She gathered the onion she had been slicing and took it over to the stove, tossing them into a pan.

There was about a minute of silence before she spoke again. “You really like him, don't you?”

Buck looked up to see her watching him, probably noticing the fact that he still looked worried over everything he'd heard about young Tommy.

He was surprised by the question, but didn't hesitate in his answer. “Yes, Ma'am, I do.”

“Mm.” She turned back to her pan. “That's good, I guess. He's been alone a long time. Needs somebody.”

*****

When it came time for lunch, Buck, Tommy, and Alice ate in the kitchen while Frank opted to stay in the living room. It was a rather quiet lunch, except for when Buck complimented Alice's cooking. She sat up straighter at that, and went into a story about finding ten cookbooks on the side of the road a few weeks before she married Frank. She took them all and spent those weeks teaching herself how to follow along to with the recipes.

The conversation lasted all of five minutes, but it was better than five more minutes spent in awkward silence.

It was almost three by the time lunch was over, but the only way Buck knew that was because Tommy kept glancing at the clock on the wall. He knew what he was doing, checking to see when it was time for them to leave. He knew Tommy couldn't wait to get out of there, and Buck couldn't really blame him.

Tommy excused himself to the restroom as they began to clean up from lunch.

Alice went to go get Frank's dish, but Buck stopped her.

“I'll get it,” he offered innocently.

He didn't see her open her mouth to stop him, already making his way to Frank.

“Can I get you another beer, Mr. Kinard?” Buck asked, picking up the plate from the side table.

Instead of answering, Frank turned his head from the TV to look at Buck, staring him up and down. “Perfect waitress you are,” he grunted out. “I suppose you'll make a good woman for my boy.”

And maybe it was the long drive, or the fact he had no idea what he was walking into when he agreed to come along for this day trip, or the fact he'd been quiet about so many god-awful things that he'd heard, but Buck was at the end of his “just stay silent” rope.

He cocked his head to the side. “Excuse me?”

“There's roles in every relationship,” Frank explained poorly. “I worried about my son for a while, but it's good to know he's still the man.”

“Did you not hear him earlier? When he told you there was no woman in our relationship? He seemed pretty clear about that.”

“Eh,” Frank waved him off. “There's a natural order to things. You'll see it soon enough.”

The second Tommy walked out of the bathroom and saw Buck staring down at Frank with a look of pure disgust, he knew something was wrong.

“What did you say, Dad?” he asked.

Buck looked up at him, his expression changing. “Doesn't matter,” he said.

“I said he'll make a good woman for you,” Frank repeated confidently. “He's your little sidekick, helps your mom cook, cleans the kitchen, picks up after the men. May not look the part, but he's close enough.”

There was a look in Tommy's eyes that Buck had never seen before. It was beyond terrifying.

Buck tried to smooth it over. “Tommy, it's-”

“I have spent,” Tommy spoke slowly, staring daggers into his dad, “this entire damn day fixing things that you're just too lazy to fix your damn self. I invited Evan along thinking maybe you'd see how happy we are, maybe you'd notice what a good person he is, and how much better he makes me. I did not bring him here to be mistreated by you."

“See,” Frank smiled up at him. His smile didn't reach the eyes the way Tommy's did. “You're saving your damsel.”

“Evan doesn't need saving. He's perfectly capable of standing up for himself, he's just been too nice to do it because, unlike you, he's not an asshole.”

Frank pointed at Tommy, still not bothering to get out of his chair. “You watch yourself,” he warned. “I was polite enough to let two fairies in my house today. I deserve some respect.”

Buck could see the white, blinding rage taking over Tommy. It took Buck about two seconds to move around and step in front of him, stopping Tommy from advancing on his dad. “Don't,” he said, pressing his hand against Tommy's chest. Tommy's eyes moved from Frank to Evan. Buck could feel his heart pounding. “It's not worth it,” Buck continued. “Let's just go, okay?”

Tommy pursed his lips together, but nodded. “Yeah, I- let's go.”

Thankfully, Frank kept his mouth shut as Buck placed a hand on Tommy's back and led them to the door.

“Wait a minute!” Alice demanded rather loudly.

“Mom-”

“You can sit in your truck,” she clarified, “but wait there. I'll just be a minute.”

Buck was going to offer to drive, but the second they got outside Tommy made a beeline for the driver's seat.

Once the car had been started and they were settled into their seats, Buck took a deep breath. “Tommy-”

“I can't right now, Evan,” Tommy interrupted. He was on edge, hands shaking, leg bouncing up and down as they waited for Alice to come out. “I'm sorry, but I can't.”

“That's fine,” Buck replied. He meant it. He understood what it meant to feel overwhelmed. When you needed a second with your own thoughts to process what just happened.

Buck rolled down the window when Alice came walking out with something in her hands.

Through the window she handed Buck a very old, very worn photo album. “Not sure what all's in there, but I'm sure a few of the pictures have Tommy,” she said. “I haven't looked through it in years. Not like I need it anymore.”

Buck ignored the pain in his heart at her words. “Thank you,” he muttered.

“Mhm.” She looked past him to Tommy. “I'll call you if the fan stops working again. May need you to come back. Probably best you come alone next time.”

Tommy nodded. He cleared his throat, managed a broken, “Yeah, Mom, okay,” before they drove off.

[slasherstories123]

Since you don't have any Art the Clown requests made, I'll be the first to ask for it, even if I don't know entirely about him.

So how about when an S/O laughs at everything he does to make her laugh, like honking his horn every time the person tries to make a complaint with him. (Like at the diner when he's not behaving like he should)

Perhaps the first meeting when an S/O's friend thinks he's creepy or weird, but she admits that he's kind of cute. <3

Something like that. What ever you like, however you like. If NSFW style, have a go. (even though my request is more SFW) :)

Spider Ring

Summary: You and your friend go to a restaurant and Art gives you a spider ring

Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: Let me know if you want to be tagged when I make art the clown fics.

Tagslist: @turdmongler @l0sercat

It was the night of Halloween and your friend, Melony, thought it would be a good idea to go to a Halloween party, it was fun at first but it got too chaotic and you wanted to leave. You were dressed up as a jester, but the main colors were red and black, you didn't do much makeup besides eyeliner. Melony was dressed up as a black cat. Melony whined as they were leaving the party, not wanting to leave but she had to since you were the one that drove to the party, you didn't want to do anything but watch tv and stuff your mouth with chocolate but Melony practically begged for you to come with her.

“Y/N, why are we leavinggggg, the party just started!” Melony whined, being dragged by you.

“Because,” You replied. “We’ve been in there for two hours, and I have a feeling list of those people are gonna do something they’ll regret and it'll get us all in trouble, so I'm dipping, and because I'm the one who has to take you home, you’re coming with me.”

Melony groaned in response, crossing her arms over her chest like a five-year-old who got told that they couldn't get candy at the store. You rolled your eyes before driving away, getting hungry. There was a pizza place still open, you then pulled into the parking lot. Once Melony stepped out, she screamed, causing you to flinch and look up. “What? Did a spider crawl on you or something?” She pointed at the space by the pizza shop. You looked at her with a frown. “There’s no one there, did you drink too much Mel?” She kept looking at you and then at the space. Sighing to herself, she went in without waiting for you.

“I’ll take that as a yes…” You followed her inside, ordering the pizza for both of you. Melony kept ranting about some cute guy she saw at the party, then saw another one that she thought that you could hook up with. You scrunched your face in disgust. Wondering why she’d say that but remembered that she was drunk, she was bound to spit out some random none sense in the state she was in.

“What? Are you insane? I’m not just gonna hook up with a guy from a party.”

“Y/N, you barely talk to anyone else but me, and your boss whenever you’re needed for work. What you need is a boyfriend.”

“Coming from the same person who doesn’t even have one.”

“I have my experiences!”

“Last I checked didn’t they-”

“Zip it!”

You chuckled at her outburst, knowing that what you were about to say next would’ve left her embarrassed. The door opened, a clown sat in one of the booths across from you and Melony with a trash bag. He had black and white makeup with a tiny black hat on the side of his head. You could see Melony shift in her seat uncomfortably. She then whispered something, causing you to lean in close to the table. “Say that again,” Melony whispered a little louder. “That’s the clown I saw outside, he gives me the creeps.” You raised an eyebrow.

“There were a whole bunch of clowns at the party, the guy you were talking to was a clown, heck I’m close to being a clown, and I dressed up as a full horror clown last year, you’re telling me you’re scared of a clown sitting in this pizza place right now?” Melony let out a frustrated sigh. “It’s not the same, he just gives me a weird… feeling.”

You both could feel the clown's intense stare. You were confused, it felt like you were getting a look from a disappointed father. You could tell that Melony didn’t like it and wanted to leave. The waiter kept trying to get his attention toon but he didn’t respond nor move. Just…staring at you both intensely. The waiter gave up and went back to the kitchen.

You looked over at him, the clown gave you a smile with a slow wave. You waved back with a smile too. Melony didn’t believe you, you’re seriously gonna wave to that clown? You noticed her disappointing gaze. “What? He’s not harming anyone, plus he’s kinda cute.” Melony slammed her face into the table. “You call that thing cute?! That’s probably a fifty-year-old man in disguise!” The clown had a horn and squeezed the button at her comment. It made you snicker. Melony opened her mouth again, the squeak of the horn stopped her sentence. Causing you to laugh. “Knock it off will ya?!” Another honk.

The clown then walked over to your table, honking the horn which made you laugh even harder. He then tapped your shoulder, you looked up. He had a rubber duck. Squeezing it so it could make a quacking sound before placing it in front of Melony who was still skeptical about him being near her. You didn’t mind it, not one but. You needed to laugh after that lame party anyways. The clown then placed out his balled-up gloves fist towards you, you tilted your head in confusion before tapping it. He opened it, revealing a spider ring. You smiled as he put the ring on your finger.

The clown bows dramatically before going to the bathroom. The waiter then gave you both your slices of pizza, apologizing for the clown's behavior, saying that they’ll deal with him.

“Well, that went well.”

“You think?! What the heck am I gonna do with a rubber ducky?!”

“Uh hello? Take a bath with it?” “What am I? Three?”

“You do act like a three-year-old…”

Melony took a bite out of her pizza, stopping herself from saying anything else. You paid for both of your foods, as you were about to get up, one of the employees pushed the clown out of the restaurant, cussing him out and throwing the trash bag at his face. The clown let out a huff before throwing it over his back, he waved at you one last time before walking away. Melony let out a sigh of relief, but you frowned. Leaving the restaurant, you took Melony home, but always wondered what did he do to get himself kicked out. He made you laugh and you felt oddly comfortable around him.

He even gave her a spider ring, you found of sweet of him to do. You looked down at the spider ring, promising yourself to keep it and cherish it. Hopefully, you’ll see that clown again.

[harry-on-broadway]

The Last Line: Part Five

Part Five

Word Count: 5.2K || Series Masterlist || Rating: M

***

“It’s perfect.” 

“Really?” Penny blinked. “You’re joking, right?”

“No, I’m not,” Skylar said with a light laugh. “There are a couple of things we might want to move around, but this will be a very light edit. Great work, Penny.” 

“Thanks,” Penny said, still in a state of shock. “I didn’t think it would be that good. I mean, I didn’t even think about it while I was writing. It was…” she searched for the right descriptor. “Word vomit, as gross as that sounds.”

“We often produce our greatest works when we give ourselves the space to say what we want to say without self-censoring. I wanted the articles in this series to come from the heart and that’s clearly where you pulled this from, Penny. I should have edits to you later this afternoon and we’re well on track to publish it tomorrow morning.”

“Sounds good. I have a couple of calls but I can make time to review it this afternoon.” Penny paused on her way out of the room. “Thank you again. For giving me this opportunity. And for helping me. With everything.” She inhaled sharply, feeling tears prick in her eyes. 

“I’m lucky to work with an incredible person like yourself, Penny,” Skylar said. “Helping you, guiding you, it’s my pleasure.” 

Penny could feel the eyes of her newsroom on her during the brief walk back to her desk. In the weeks since her meltdown in the conference room, Penny’s coworkers had begun to treat with a newfound sense of respect. Darren had been asked to seek other work in its aftermath of the incident and Penny’s subsequent relationship with Skylar had the others viewing her as some sort of deity. 

“Well?” Chloe asked as Penny slid into her desk chair. 

“She loved it.”

“As I knew she would.”

“She said she thinks it’s going to run tomorrow morning.” 

“So soon! Amazing!”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think he’ll…?” Chloe didn’t need to finish her question. 

“I don’t know.” Penny swirled her straw in her cup, trying to get a sip of the vanilla syrup that had gotten trapped underneath the layers of ice and coffee. 

“Has he still been creeping?”

“Yes.” They hadn’t spoken since that night at her apartment and Harry continued to ignore every text and voicemail she left for him, but he was still lurking in her instagram stories. She’d started testing him, posting random and mundane shit like her morning coffee and the song she was currently listening to on Spotify. Regardless of whatever her story was, he was the first one to view it. 

“And do you think he’ll take the bait?”

“I hope so! Otherwise I don’t know what I’ll do. I just –” 

“Hey, it’s fine,” Chloe said, attempting to soothe Penny’s distress. “This is going to work. I promise you that.” 

Hours later, Penny’s Slack app chimed with a note from Skylar saying that edits were ready for her to review. As promised, her suggestions were minimal and Penny cleared them all within a half hour. She knew legal and design and all of the other departments involved would need to sign off on their end before it could be official, but by 8am tomorrow, her words would be out in the world. 

She didn’t know why she felt so nervous. She’s been through this hundreds of times before, but never had she shared something so personal with the hundreds (Or was it thousands?) of people who read the site everyday. It felt like she was giving a piece of her soul for public consumption. All in the hopes of winning back a man who never wanted to see her again. 

She sighed and closed her laptop. “I’m going to head out,” she said to no one in particular, earning a handful of half-hearted acknowledgements from those who were scattered around her. In her car, she opened one of the playlists Harry had shared with her and pressed play. Feeling the music wash over her, she pulled out of the garage and drove home preparing for the most nerve-wracking night of her life. 

***

August 17, 2019 

The Start of Something New 

By Penny Sanders 

This coming November will mark one year since I joined the staff at The Moment and four years since I accepted my first, official, grown-up journalism job. Ahead of these personal milestones, I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it means to be a journalist, specifically one that covers the arts. 

One of the main tenets of being a good journalist is objectivity. You’re there to present the facts in an unbiased way, calling out injustices and holding truth to power. Everyone learns that in their freshman mass comm class. But what they don’t tell you is how that rule isn’t always so cut and dry. 

While I do a bit of everything when it comes to music coverage here at The Moment, my primary role has been that of a critic, reviewing concerts and albums and giving you my honest take on them. It’s a dream job for many, but it’s also one that has caused me a great deal of stress and anxiety over the years. 

I’ve struggled to be harsh (even when a well-pointed criticism is deserved). I’ve struggled to hone a voice, oscillating between gushing fan girl and hardened veteran to appear as if I know what I’m talking about. And I’ve been a victim of intense (at times almost debilitating) imposter syndrome, second guessing that my opinions and ideas are even worth sharing. 

But all that has changed in recent months as I’ve started to venture down a new professional path, chatting with and profiling newsmakers in this industry we all love. Sitting down for these interviews, I’ve always expected the cold formality that has long been associated with an industry presser – say your question and get your answer as quickly as possible, foregoing any sort of human interaction. Instead, what I found was a connection I never knew I had been looking for. 

Recently, I had a chat with an artist who shall go unnamed. I’d reviewed their work before, and while I might have been fair in my assessment of their music, I wasn’t necessarily kind, something that I didn’t realize the impact of until we had a chance to speak face-to-face in an informal setting. As we spoke about our respective writing processes, I had a realization. We were one in the same. We found our way to an industry where everyone speaks the same language, found a pack to call home, and were creating the art we always wanted to, even if it was on opposite sides of the line. That conversation, along with subsequent others, really put into perspective the fact that you can’t separate the personal and professional when it comes to art, as a piece of you will always live inside your creation. 

So, why am I rambling about this and forcing you to read it at 8am as you have your morning coffee? Because I’m making some changes starting today. 

You’ll still see me around town and on the website reviewing concerts and albums (like I’d ever give that up!), but I’ll be expanding my coverage area as well. I’ll be chatting with some of the biggest names in the industry, cutting through the scripted BS and having real, human conversations about the thing we love most: music. I’ll also be sharing more personal essays about my own thoughts and feelings on the business of the day in an effort to start a conversation with you, our readers. 

So, if you’re reading this (and hopefully you still are), what are you waiting for? Let’s chat. My schedule’s wide open. 

***

Penny jolted awake at 6am the next morning. She had a couple of hours before she’d be able to share her article and put her plan into motion, so she took her time getting ready, blasting an early 2000s pop punk playlist while she did her makeup and drank her coffee. At precisely eight, she opened up The Moment’s website on her phone, grabbing the link to her article before navigating to Instagram. 

She’d already preselected a photo – a throwback shot of her in one of her dad’s old concert tees, cheesing hard in front of a record store. She posted it to her story with a quick caption (Tried something new and got a little personal this morning) and a link to the piece. She watched the progress wheel fill as the story uploaded and when it was finished, she opened it again, instantly spotting Harry’s profile picture in the bottom left corner. 

Distraction was essential to the next phase of the plan, so she tossed her phone in her bag, grabbed a thermos of coffee, and started the drive into the office. She could feel her phone burning a hole in her canvas tote, but she ignored it until she was seated at her desk. Her mom and one of her college roommates had replied encouragingly, but there was nothing from Harry. 

Doug, the SEO coordinator, greeted her brightly as he made his way to his cubicle. “Already getting a lot of traffic on it. Great work!” 

“Thanks.” She checked her phone again. Nothing. 

There was an editorial meeting that morning, and then Skylar took her for a celebratory pastry from the bakery across the commons before Penny’s afternoon interview with a photographer. When she finally got to check her phone over lunch, there were tons of notifications, but as she scanned through them all there were none from Harry. In the middle of the afternoon slump, she saw an email come in from Jeff – it was a simple “Nice job!” Not the most encouraging thing, but if Jeff had read it, it was probably safe to assume Harry had as well. 

Tom messaged her a little while later, a long and meandering note professing how proud he was of her and how great it was. The most interesting tidbit came at the end though. I think you’ll be surprised by the impact this has. 

“What does that mean?” she asked, passing her phone to Chloe.

“I don’t know, that you’re the voice that will define our generation?”

“Be serious.”

“I honestly don’t know! On the surface, it seems like a general ‘this is going to resonate with a wide audience’ comment, but maybe on a deeper level he’s talking about…you know.”

“But that’s not your first instinct.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Damn it.”

“Pen, it’s OK. We know he saw your post and that’s a start. Maybe he hasn’t had time to sit and read it but will later today or something.”

“Maybe…”

That night as Penny left the office, her head was somewhere else, deep in a daydream of what it would have been like if her plan had worked. Harry would have been outside her door with a cup of coffee and a bouquet of flowers. There would have been a kiss and maybe a little something else, but most importantly she’d have her friend back. Her eyes were on the ground, so it was the loafers and socks that she saw first. 

“Jesus Christ, are you trying to kill me?” she yelped, her heart racing.

“I didn’t know how else to find you.” Harry stood sheepishly slouching against her car door, wide-leg trousers slung low on his hips, bowling shirt unbuttoned just a little too far. 

“You could have come inside the building for starters? Or texted me? I know your phone is still working Mr. Instagram lurker.”

“You knew that was me?”

“It was pretty fucking obvious to anyone that knows you. And we had a bunch of mutuals including Tom, Jeff, and Mitch.”

“Fuck, I thought I was being a little more low key.” 

“Sorry.” Penny shifted uncomfortably. “So-” She was interrupted by boisterous laughter from a group making their way to a group of cars one lot over. 

“Maybe we should go somewhere a little more private to talk?” Harry asked. “If you’re comfortable with that?”

“Um, yeah that would be great. Do you want me to drive?”

Harry nodded affirmatively. “I bummed a ride off of Jeff so I am currently without transport.”

“Jeff’s a good friend. I would have made you hitchhike.” 

Harry snickered as he opened the passenger door and slid in. 

“Do you mind if we make a stop?” Penny asked as she pulled out onto the main road. 

“Not at all.”

“Good. I have a tradition after I publish an article.”

“What’s that?”

“An In-and-Out milkshake. Do you want one?”

“Chocolate, please.” 

Penny cruised through the drive-thru, grabbing the milkshakes as Harry tried to go unnoticed beside her. Ice cream in hand, she continued driving until they made it back to her apartment. 

“This is about as private as it gets,” she said, stirring the thick liquid with her straw. “We can stay in the car if you’d prefer.”

“No, let’s go in.” 

Harry stayed two steps behind Penny as she climbed out of the car and unlocked her front door. He followed her lead, taking his shoes off and sitting down on the couch. He took a sip of his milkshake and Penny mirrored his action. Neither was sure who should be the first to speak. 

“I’m sorry,” Penny said, thawing the awkward chill that had settled between them. “I know that’s an empty word, especially between us, but I just need you to know that I regret how everything blew up. I have an explanation for it all but none of that matters when you were hurt by my actions.” She paused. “I really hope you forgive me, but I won’t ask you to, as what I did crossed a line.” 

“I forgive you.” Harry said without hesitation. “And I would like to hear your explanation for what it’s worth.”

“Oh-kay.” Penny shifted, tucking her legs under her and turning to look at Harry more directly. “So you know how I’ve been trying to mix things up at work, write some more serious pieces? Well, it just so happened that Tom gave me one on a silver platter when he mentioned you were working on a new album. My intent was just to break some news, get a scoop that could show my editors that I could do it. But then I got to know you and you were telling me things that would have made for an amazing story and I just got carried away. I made the wrong choice to keep taking notes and working on this hypothetical story. Then Darren –”

“The asshole.”

“Yes, the asshole. He got involved and it spiraled out of control and things got complicated because of….” Penny trailed off, searching for the right word. “Us.” Penny looked up at Harry. “It’s important to me that you know I would have never published anything you told me after all of that. I value you as a person more than any sort of splashy article.” 

Harry nodded slowly. His face was serene but his fingers were working overtime, twisting the ring on his finger at warp speed. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me like that but just seeing those notes you had…” He chewed on his lip and his eyes grew damp. “It used to be so hard to figure out when someone was using me and when someone just wanted me for me. But thankfully, I’ve become a pretty good judge of that. I thought you were one of the good ones so seeing that just made me really second guess not only what we had and how I felt about us but it made me question my judgment. Do any of my friends actually care about me? It was a rough time. I’m still working through some of that if I’m being honest.”

“I hate that I was the cause of that.” 

“It was bound to happen eventually so don’t be too hard on yourself,” he said with a wry laugh. 

“Well either way…I’m glad my selfish actions helped you grow? That feels weird to say.” Penny laughed. “Anyways, I’m happy we were able to clear the air. I much prefer talking to you face to face instead of watching you lurk on my Instagram stories.”

Harry laughed before placing his cup on the coffee table. “Speaking of talking…I actually did want to discuss something with you.” He cleared his throat.” “That night…the last time we saw each other…what you said? About why you couldn’t do that profile?”

“Mhmm.”

“What did you mean that you love me?”

Penny took a long sip from her drink, buying herself some time to think. “I hated you the first time we met and I don’t know why because I feel like you’re the only person to ever truly understand me. You know what I’m thinking before I say it, you see things in the same way as me, and you make me feel invincible. That day that you read that article that Darren killed…I felt so supported in a way that I haven’t really before, which is like weird to say because I have friends and family who care about me, but standing in that coffee shop with you holding my hand and telling me I was good at my job was something I never knew I needed. But once I had a taste of it, I knew I had to have it forever.” She finished speaking and looked at Harry, who had an indiscernible expression on his face. “That was a lot, I know but you–”

“Can I kiss you?” His voice was low, his question was tentative, and Penny couldn’t even be sure that was what he actually said, but she nodded anyway. At this point, she would have given him permission to do anything. 

He approached her carefully, as if any sudden move would scare her away, cupping the back of her head with his hand and drawing her closer to him. 

Their first kiss was nothing like Penny had imagined. In her dreams, she’d envisioned everything from a quick peck on the cheek after he walked her home, to a feverish, tongue laden precursor to fucking. In actuality, it was gentle, yet firm, and despite the simplicity of it, the gesture was charged with more emotion than any kiss she’d had before. She didn’t even realize how lightheaded she was until they broke apart and she found herself gasping for breath. 

She met Harry’s eyes and exhaled. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for that.” 

It was like the kiss had unleashed something lurking deep inside them both and Harry lunged towards her, pressing his lips against hers again and again and again, pushing her flat on the couch, the remnants of their milkshakes long forgotten. Penny tried to memorize every detail: the weight of his body against hers, the softness of his lips on hers, the silkiness of his hair as she ran her fingers through it. She tried to stay in the moment, but the sensation of his body rubbing against hers made it hard to not think about what would happen next. 

“Ow!” Her head bumped uncomfortably against the arm of the couch as she slid down further.

“Are you alright?” Harry asked, pulling back and checking her for any harm. His lips were swollen and his curls were disheveled. “What’s wrong?”

“I just bumped my head.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s fine. Just a little cramped here.” Penny swallowed. “My bed might be more comfortable. If you’d like to move there.” 

There was a heavy pause and Penny prayed she hadn’t misread the moment.  Harry’s eyes glazed over as he processed what she said. “Um, yeah, that’s great. Lead the way.” 

Penny breathed a sigh of relief as he climbed off of her and helped her stand, keeping his hand entwined with hers as they made the brief journey to Penny’s bedroom. She backed him up into the room, and Harry fell back on the bed. Penny climbed astride him, kissing him again and again and again, and she ground her center against his growing erection. 

They’d waited for what felt like forever, but when they had nothing but time in front of them, there was no need to rush, even as Penny felt herself grow wetter with touch and caress. As Harry sucked kiss after kiss from her lips, she realized she’d never really thought about how hot kissing could be. Maybe it was just that she’d never been properly kissed, something Harry was working hard to rectify. 

Harry wound his fingers in her hair gently pulling her head back to expose the column of her throat. He nipped at the sensitive skin, sucking a kiss from it before soothing the spot with his tongue. He repeated the process up and down her neck until his fingers fell to the hem of her shirt.

“Is it OK if I take this off?” he asked.

“Yes,” Penny said, guiding his hands as they pulled her t-shirt up and over her head. She unhooked her bra as he tossed the shirt aside. Her bra followed leaving her naked from the waist up. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, absentmindedly rubbing his fingers up and down her side as his eyes took in every piece of her. “Come here.” He pulled her close and started kissing every inch of skin he could see. “So fucking beautiful.” 

Penny shifted so one of Harry’s legs was nestled between hers, giving her the pressure she craved as Harry continued kissing her neck. After a few minutes she stopped him. “I’m going to take these off if that works?” she asked, gesturing to her jeans. 

Harry nodded. “I should probably do the same.” He pulled his shirt off in one fluid motion and pulled his pants and briefs down next. Penny couldn’t help but stare. 

“Stop it, I’m shy.”. 

“You’ve got nothing to be shy about,” Penny said, trying not to let on exactly how impressed she was with what she saw in front of her. 

Harry cleared his throat, and Penny couldn’t tell if the flush in his cheeks was a result of their activities or embarrassment. “Do you have a condom?” he asked. 

“Oh, yeah. There’s probably one around here somewhere.” Penny opened the drawer of her bedside table and dug through the mess. “That one is expired,” she said, tossing it to the waste basket. “And this one is….” she squinted to read the date. “Still good! We’re in the clear.” Harry laughed and it was her turn to blush. “What can I say, it’s been awhile since I needed one.” 

“No judgment as I’ve also been in a bit of a dry spell.” Harry took the condom from her and adjusted himself and Penny watched. She was still in shock that this was actually happening and was half convinced that she’d wake up from this dream any minute. 

“Penny?”

“Oh, sorry! Did you say something?”

“I just asked how you want to do this?” Harry asked. “What’s usually best for you?” 

“Oh…” Penny wasn’t sure if she’d ever had a partner ask her about her preference so directly, especially on the first hook up. She scoured her brain trying to think of what she actually liked and what wouldn’t be too intense for what could just be a casual hook up. “Um, usually just missionary is fine. But I also like to be on my knees occasionally.” She cleared her throat. “What about you?”

“I’m going to be honest with you, Penny, I think anything with you would get me across the finish line.” One look at his cock and she knew he wasn’t lying. She hopped up on the bed and got on her knees without a second thought. 

Penny could feel Harry lining himself up with her as she braced her hands against the headboard. It had been a minute since her bed had seen this much activity and she prayed the IKEA frame would hold up. Harry dragged his tip over her and she squirmed with the anticipation of what would happen next. The first thrust caught her off guard and she pitched forward. 

“Careful,” Harry said. His voice was soft, but its usual gentleness had been replaced by something harder. “Do you need me to stop?” 

“Please, no,” Penny panted. He’d reached a spot deep inside on just one thrust and she just needed a minute to adjust to him. The burn of him inside her was unmatched, the perfect combination of pain and pleasure. Harry had wrapped one arm around her waist holding her steady as she adjusted, lightly tracing abstract patterns over her skin. “OK, you can go,” she half whispered, half moaned.   

Harry anchored his hands on her hips as he thrust in and out in a painstakingly slow rhythm. It was torture – for the both of them – Penny presumed, and she felt the beginnings of an orgasm building inside of her. She could feel the pressure of his hand against her hip, knowing it would leave a bruise tomorrow, a thought that turned her on even more. Harry moved his hand up her body, settling on her breast and rolling her nipple as he increased the pace of his thrusts. It was all consuming, but Penny still needed more. She reached down to stroke her clit, the bud already tender and slippery with arousal. She was close, she could feel it. Just one more stroke and –. 

“Can we –?” Harry asked breathlessly as he attempted to flip Penny onto her back. “I want to see you. I need to see you.” Penny complied, her body pliant in his arms as he placed her gently on her back before ducking down for a deep kiss as he locked his fingers with hers. 

He pulled away and gently pushed inside of her, eyes not leaving hers. Even if she wanted to, Penny wasn’t sure she could look away. She was transfixed by what she saw in front of her. Harry’s skin and hair were damp from exertion, and the curls she’d been playing with earlier were pressed against his forehead. She could feel the tremble of his muscles and when she buried her nose in his neck, she got a whiff of the scent that could only be described as Harry. 

“Are y-you close?” Harry asked as his hips stuttered. 

“Yeah, I am.” 

“Can you come for me, baby? I need you to.”

It could have been Harry calling her baby or it could have been the feeling of him rubbing against her clit or it could have just been the intense passion she felt between them, but Penny pitched over the edge, moaning Harry’s name as she fell. 

“That’s it, baby,” he moaned, as he spilled into the condom. “That’s it. So fucking good.” 

He fell forward, resting his full weight on her as they lay there. He pressed kisses against every bit of skin his mouth could reach and she raked her fingers up and down his back and through his hair. Penny didn’t know how long they lay there like that but even when she felt their sweaty skin start to stick together she made no effort to move. 

She wasn’t letting Harry go ever again.  

***

When Penny woke up, Harry’s arm was heavy around her waist and she could feel his breath on her back. He radiated heat and despite the uncomfortable stickiness of the sweat that covered her, she made no effort to move. She had no idea how to define what had happened last night – and again in the early hours of the morning – but she knew she didn’t want this to be the end. 

She could feel Harry stir behind her and she carefully twisted around in his arms to sneak another look at him. He was so peaceful when he slept, his hair a tangled mess on the pillow. He snored lightly, almost like a whistle, and he was most definitely a cuddler. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, lulled back to sleep by the gentle rhythm of Harry’s breathing, only to be jolted awake by the sound of her alarm. 

Harry slowly opened his eyes, squinting against the faint light that was trickling in through the curtains. He looked around, getting his bearings before smiling at Penny as she silenced the alarm.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I usually don’t have to worry about waking anyone else up.” 

“It’s not a problem,” he slurred, his voice still thick with sleep. “Should probably be getting up now anyways.” 

“You could stay for breakfast,” Penny offered, hoping she wasn’t misreading the situation. “I make a mean egg and cheese and have beans from the coffee shop down the block.” 

“I’d love nothing more than that.” Harry leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips, before rolling over to grab his phone. The gesture felt so normal, as if he’d done it every morning. 

“Shit,” he laughed. “I’m going to have a lot to explain today.”

“What’s wrong?”

He angled his phone so that Penny could read the screen. It was filled with messages from Tom, Tommy, and Jeff. “I told them I was planning to see you and they were very supportive of that decision. I think they’ll be thrilled with this development.” 

“Which is…?” Penny asked, testing the waters. 

“Us being together.” Harry’s eyes widened at Penny’s noticeable silence. “Unless I’ve completely misread this.” 

“No, no, no.” Penny leaned over to kiss him. “I want that. Us, I mean. I just didn’t think you’d want me after everything.” 

“You’re absolutely insane for thinking that, Penny. I’ve been waiting my entire life for you and I’m not letting you get away again.” Penny reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly, knowing that there were no words she could say to accurately convey how she felt in that moment. “Now come on,” Harry said. “You mentioned something about a breakfast sandwich?” 

Harry looked perfectly at home in her kitchen as she directed him on where to find the ingredients for their breakfast. They moved through the small space as if executing a perfectly coordinated dance routine neither of them had been taught, before sitting down at Penny’s table to eat together. 

“What do you have planned for today?” Harry asked. 

“Well, I’m going to go to work and then I’m going to head home.”

“No shows?”

“Not tonight.”

“Well,” Harry said, dabbing the corner of his mouth with a napkin. “I would like to take you out. On a proper date. Could I pick you up at the office? Say around six?”

“It’s a date,” Penny said, smiling from ear to ear.

When the breakfast dishes had been washed and dried and Harry had donned his clothes from the night before, they lingered by the front door, not wanting to say goodbye. 

“A kiss for the road?” Harry asked. Penny stood on her tiptoes and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “I’ll see you later then,” he said, unlocking the door. 

“Harry?” she asked, suddenly bashful. “You don’t have to answer, but what made you give me another chance?” He was so quiet, she wasn’t sure he had heard her. 

“It was your article,” he finally said, turning back to look at her. “You got me with the last line.” 

***

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has read this far and has stuck with this story despite its infrequent updates. This one was really personal for me to write so I greatly appreciate all of the ten people who have read this. 🫶🏻 Would love to hear what you think of the end!

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taglist: @harrysfolklore​ @platinumbarbie143​ @majasophieanna​ @lukesaprince​ @styles217​ @andwhenshesays​ @be-with-me-so-happily​ @hslllot​ @b-reads-things​ @awesomenavy​ @sweetwanderlust05​ @permanentllyharry​ @reveriehs @very-berry-harry​ @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite​ @jerseygirlinca​ @st-ev-ie​ @kahluamystery97​ @indierockgirrl​ @copiastricycle​ @autumnleaves1991-reads​

[oneshotnewbie]

ʜᴜɴɢᴇʀ ꜱᴛʀɪᴋᴇ ɪɪ - ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀɢɪʀʟ

Trigger warning! This one-shot includes the topic of an eating disorder, illness and an unhealthy eating behavior. These plots are presented. If this triggers you too easily or you just can´t handle those subjects, I urge you NOT to read this work. I am NOT embellishing this topic under any circumstance. Read at your own risk.

Authors note: Finally a little update on this story, yeay!

You leaned your forehead against the window before the train drove the last few meter into the station, seeking the comfortableness in it while calming your mind in a way. It was already dark when you arrived in National City and you got off exhausted. The nervousness and tension that had steadily increased along the way made your heart beat faster. The recurring dizziness forced you to get a small snack during the stop in Carthago.

A soft sigh left your lips as the native air crept into your nostrils. On the one hand you were happy to return home, but on the other hand you were afraid of it.

The first semester at Aetherford University had passed calmly but with a lot of stress. You had the chance to be mostly left alone by your and avoided engaging with them via video chat. Even Kara had avoided asking for a video call every third day of the week, otherwise she always had shaky hands just to see you again.

You needed this break, you had to think about a few things. A few months ago your body and mind had started playing against you. A trap had formed, which created more and more problems for you and also caused great fear.

At first you thought it was just happening because you were so stressed and everything was new, but it was not. You quickly found that trying to fight back was useless, because no matter what you did.. It got worse.

You were glad you were able to hide it; you did not know much people at university. At least not someone, who would really care. But it was slowly becoming clear to your professor and your room mate that you seemed emptier and weaker.

It started with just skipping breakfast, but over time it got worse. Breakfast turned into meals that were skipped and you started to survive only on snacks. Protein bars, apples, broccoli. Several times you came close to writing to your sisters, but immediately dismissed the idea. You were sure that they would immediately worry and take you out from university to bring you home.

At moments like this you wished Maggie back. The brunette would certainly have known a good solution or advice without telling Alex anything. But you could not ask her anymore, the contact broke apart.

Memories came flooding back of how Maggie and Alex had split up and you saw her boarding a train to another city right here where you were standing now. And even though you have been talked out of the fact that you could have done something about it, you still berated yourself for not at least trying. It had just been, on the whole, a heartbreaking disaster. Not just because Alex wanted to have children back then, no. Alex could not imagine a life without them and was forced to separate from her great love.

A final sigh left your lips and you took one step after the other in agony. Your head hurt and you did not know if it was because you had not eaten and drunk much today or if it was simply because you sat on a train for five hours straight with a baby crying almost non-stop.

But one thing was certain: It could not be because of the many books in the library.

Over the last six months you have been looking for answers and self-help in the library, but unfortunately you have not found any that helped you. Instead, it kept getting worse.

At first it was difficult for you to really take this problem seriously, as it was often unclear or you had suppressed it. It changed quickly, however, and the consequences became clearer and sharper over time, especially since spring.

That is why you were reluctant to let classmates touch or hug you. You also no longer voluntarily sought physical contact. You were afraid that others would be afraid of you.

A loud horn honk pulled you back to the here and now and you saw none other than Alex on her motorbike. You just hoped that the redhead would not get the idea to hug you right away. You did not want to let it happen until you got your illness under control.

"Look who we have here, the missing Danvers!" mocking, her voice cut through the street noise. You closed your eyes briefly and took a deep breath; now it was going to get serious and you had to be careful at everything. "C´mere, kiddo."

You quickly raised a hand in front of your body, and held it in place. "No hugs please. I, eh… pinched two of my ribs and it hurts like hell," you lied and in the same moment you could have slapped yourself for this statement.

Your sister eyed you intently. You looked ill in her eyes and even though she could not see your face directly because of the darkness, she still noticed how pale and tired you looked.

For several months, Alex Danvers wondered what was wrong with her youngest sister. He had noticed the rapid change in you, even when you were miles away. After all, she was not a DEO agent for nothing. And she wondered why you did not talk to her, you always did.

"Well, can I give you at least a kiss on your cheek?" she asked with a slight smile on her lips. You nodded and mirrored her facial expressions. Putting on a mask, a smiling face. A breathy laugh escapes my mouth so she can not see my pain. The redhead quickly leaned down and gave you three small kisses on the cheek before placing a helmet in your hands and gently wrapping an arm around you.

You felt her hand on your shoulder and instinctively wanted to shake it off when she pulled it back on her own to get her keys out of her leather jacket. You knew from her lingering eye contact that she was not satisfied with your previous answer and that she suspected something. Nevertheless, you were glad that she left you alone without forcing any questions on you.

[shyanddreamy]

You can't save everyone

Happy Lowman x Reader | Part 3

Being in Charming again was strange, but above all it was scary. You had been out of the city for about five weeks, and now you were afraid that they hadn’t missed you or that they didn’t want you back. But it was too late to back out.

“Are you ready?”, Creeper asked you, rubbing your back tenderly.

As you didn’t have a car, Neron had offered to drive you to Charming. He was wearing a jacket over his kutt because it wasn’t a good idea for a Mayan to be seen in SOA’s territory without giving them a call first. For this reason, he had stopped his bike a few blocks from the Teller-Morrow workshop.

“I am”, you answered. “Thanks for taking me here. And for everything else.”

“It’s been my pleasure.”

The reality was that you were going to miss him, which wasn’t appropriate to say out loud or it could lead to misunderstandings.

“May we meet again”, you added instead. “And call if you ever need a hand. Even if it’s just to talk.”

“I’ll do”, he nodded. “The same goes for you, love.”

“Okay. I’ll do it too.”

Creeper was the kind of man who always looked after his people. And even though it was a goodbye for now, you already were one of his own.

With nothing more to say, you gave him a heart-felt hug which he did not hesitate to reciprocate. No words were necessary, so after a last smile, he took his bike and drove back to Santo Padre. Once you were alone, you took a deep breath and started walking down the street with a clear destination.

It was getting dark by the time you arrived at the TM, which was already close. However, their bikes were there, so you assumed they´ll be inside the clubhouse. Your heart beat so fast you thought it would explode. And for better or worse, one of the Sons had already seen you as he was sitting outside on the wooden table.

“Look at who we have here!”, Tig exclaimed. Both of you walked towards each other until he was able to welcome you with an embrace. “When have you come back? Come in, boys will love to see you.”

You didn’t have time to talk or even think again about whether this was a good idea or not because Tig guided you directly to the entrance. And his arm was still around your shoulders when you crossed the door, so you couldn’t run away.

“I have found a lost bunny outside, brothers”, was Tig’s way of announcing your return. And while you were telling him not to call you that, the rest of the boys came to give you a warm welcome.

For a few minutes, it was all hugs, questions about how you were doing, and sentences assuring you that they had missed you and were glad you were back. The situation changed when you caught Happy’s eyes on you. Even his brothers understood they should give you some space, so they went to the bar counter to take some beers. Only then, Happy slowly walked towards you, leaving half a metre between the two of you.

“Hey”, you said.

“Hey”, he responded.

Suddenly, you felt the atmosphere colder and a stronger stomach ache due to nerves. Anyway, nothing could change the excitement you were feeling for seeing him again.

“I’ve missed you.”

Happy tensed his jaw and, for a moment, you thought he was going to kick you out. Instead, he put one arm around your back to keep you close and rested his head on your shoulder regardless of the height difference between you. He wasn’t hugging you, it was more like he was looking for some kind of comfort from you. Like a child who has been hurt.

“Cut the bullshit you two and came with us to celebrate Y/N is back home”, Chibs said, which was enough for Happy to give you back your personal space.

“You just want an excuse to get drunk”, you responded while following Happy’s steps to the bar counter.

“Don’t see the problem in there, love”, he added.

A few hours went by while you were drinking and catching up. They told you some anecdotes from these days that you missed out on, and you answered their questions and told them some things about Santo Padre, the city and his people. You tried not to mention Creeper’s name just in case as you focused on telling them more amusing stories. One of the few times you mentioned Mayans was to make fun of the fact that they thought at first you might be some kind of spy.

With the intention of breath some fresh air after the heat you had experienced in Santo Padre, you went outside to smoke a cigarette. However, the person who decided to join you at the wooden table kind of surprised you.

“Tired already?”, Chibs asked you while lighting his own cigarette.

“A little bit”, you responded. “It’s been a long day.”

“Will you go home?”

“Where else?”

“Just asking”, he added, shrugging his shoulders.

“I know you have noticed that something’s going on between Happy and me”, you said. “He has barely spoken to me. That makes it pretty obvious.”

“He has barely spoken, but he didn’t take his eyes off you for a single moment”, Chibs pointed out.

“Yeah, I know.”

He took a long drag on his cigarette and slowly released the smoke before continuing to speak:

“When you left, he lost his head, Y/N. He banged all the croweaters he could at first and started drinking more than usual.”

It wasn’t nice to hear the great number of chicks in which Happy had had his dick in, but you couldn’t reproach him for anything. Not after what you had done with Creeper adding the fact that you weren’t exclusive at all.

“But then everything got weirder”, he continued. “He pushed away every single hoe that tried to get into his pants. And he was in a bad mood most of the time. I mean, more than usual. He also started sleeping in the clubhouse some nights, alone, as if he didn’t want to go home.”

“What the fuck does it all mean?”, you asked him, slightly confused. After Chibs words, there were so many conjectures in your head that you needed someone to confirm or deny them.

“What the hell should I know? I’m not in his damn head, Y/N”, he answered back. “But I’m not blind or stupid. I understand why you left as well as I know how much Happy cares about you. So, put your shit together.”

“You are so rude, Pres, but I get your point.”

Chibs smirked and shook his head.

“I just want what’s best for y’all.”, he assured you before the door opening caught your attention. “I think is my time to go back inside.”

As Chibs walked towards the door, Happy walked towards you, so their paths crossed. You saw Chibs muttering something to Happy, but you couldn’t make out what it was. Moments later, it was just Happy and you out there looking at each other.

“I’m gonna go home”, he announced. “Wanna come?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Happy just nodded in response, so you made your way to his bike. After he sat down on it, he offered his helmet to you.

“Thanks”, you muttered before taking a seat behind him. You had been away from him for so long that even this small distance made you nervous. In any case, you hugged him on the back, as you always did.

Your journey home was shorter than you expected. This could be because you would have liked to have more time before arriving at your destination, where you would have no excuse not to talk.

“I’ve never felt this way at home before”, you said due to both of you were in the middle of the living room looking at each other but without saying a single word.

“How?”

“Awkward.”

“Want to go?”, he asked you.

“No.”

“Want me to go?”

“No, of course not”, you assured him.

“So, what do you want?”

“Don't know. Talk, maybe?”, you suggested, slightly ironically.

“You should talk. You were the one who left.”

“But I left because you didn’t…”, you didn’t finish the sentence, but Happy frowned anyway.

“Because what?”, he growled.

It was time. If he wanted you to talk, you would tell him the raw truth.

“I left because I was hurt. Because seeing you banging randoms chicks under my nose was hurting me”, you said loud and clear. “I love you so fucking much that it hurts, Happy. But you have to tell me. You have to tell me that you don’t feel the same so I can move on.”

Your eyes were watery, but you didn’t shed a single tear. You have practiced this conversation in your head too many times and now you had to keep your composure. Crying would make nothing better.

“So, that’s why you’re here”, Happy pointed out. “You want to hear what you want and leave again.”

“It would be the most reasonable. But I want to move on, not to leave you.”, you acknowledged. “What I have realised is that being away from you is even more painful, Happy. And I would rather have a little of you than none at all, but I can’t keep waiting for something from you that will never come.”

After you stopped talking, Happy remained silent for a few minutes. You were thinking that he might be looking for the right words to reject you when he took something out of his kutt pocket and gave it to you. Frowning, you unfolded the folio to find something that made you frown even more.

“What’s this?”

“A hotel. Halfway between Santo Padre and Charming”, he briefly explained to you. “I booked a room. For us.”

“What? Why?”

“I told you. I thought the trip would be good for you. That some time alone would be good for us”, he added. “I didn’t expect you to stay at Santo Padre.”

“I had no fucking idea, Happy. How was I supposed to know? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You took your decision. I didn’t have to make up your mind for you.”

You were wordless. Of all the things you thought could happen, this wasn’t one of them. And for once in a long time, it was his turn to speak his truth.

“I’ve never had an Old Lady or any of that bullshit. I thought I'd never want it, but you are so fucking annoying”, he said, pretty mad. “You hurt me too abandoning me, but still all I could think was that I wish you were safe. And this house was so fucking lonely it sucked. So, I’m sorry if this’s not what you wanted to hear, but I fucking love you, Y/N. Call it how you want, I don’t care, but just don’t leave me again.”

Two tears had run down your cheeks at his confession. You had to take a deep breath before you could walk towards him, feeling your whole body shaking.

“I know I was wrong. It was wrong to try to push you away. To try to convince myself that it wasn’t something more”, he continued even though you were now inches away from him. “But I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. This is not like anything I’ve ever done before.”

You brought your hands to his face, gently cupping it as you gave him a soft smile.

“I’ve never thought I'd say that, but for once, stop talking, Happy.”

Happy pursed his lips, completely serious, and waited not knowing what for. Your heart ached again, but this time the reason was different. You left because you weren’t on the same page, when in fact you were.

“I didn’t have a fucking clue when I left Tacoma to come to Charming with you either. The only thing I did know was that I wanted to be with you”, you assured him. “That’s all that mattered then and that’s all that matter now.”

As soon as you finished the sentence, you kissed him, as you had wanted to do since you first saw him in the clubhouse. And when he felt your lips on his, he put his arms around you to reduce the distance between your bodies. The passion with which you kissed each other was high, but you both needed more.

You slipped your hands under his shirt and Happy quickly gave you a hand to get rid of his kutt and shirt. When you felt his warm skin under the palms of your hands, you bit his lower lip with desire.

“I’ve missed this so much”, you muttered, but the sound of your shirt being torn confused you for just a few seconds. “You had no need to do that!”

But all you could see was his mischievous smile.

“I do needed it. I’ve missed you too.”

From that moment onwards, you could no longer contain yourselves. Your clothes were scattered on the living room floor, and your lips would be swollen from so much passionate kissing. You had left wet kisses and bites all around Happy’s neck and his fingertips would probably be marked on your skin by then. You didn’t even waste time on going to a bedroom or, at least, to the sofa. Instead, Happy cornered you against the nearest wall and wrapped one of your legs around his waist. When he couldn’t wait any longer, he plunged himself down inside you and stayed like that for a few seconds.

“Shit. I’ve missed you so fucking much”, he panted.

As his movements became wilder, the only thing you could do was sink your nails in his back and his shoulders, moaning like you wanted the whole world to hear you. Happy knew everything about your body, but your body also reacted differently to him than to anyone else. Everything was better with him. And it wasn’t just your body, it was your mind and your heart too. Every single part of you was in sync with Happy. And in some moment, the three words you had never said before during sex escaped from your mouth.

“I love you.”

You had said those words to him many times. For instance, every time he went on a mission, because you cared so much about him and wanted him to be safe, but you’ve never said that when you were hooking up. It would have been out of place. But now, in that moment, those words meant all the things you couldn’t express any other way.

“Again. Say it again”, he growled.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much”, you repeated as it was a mantra while his thrusts got harder. “I love you more than my life. More than everything. And I’ll love you forever.”

With those words sounding close to his ear, accompanied by your moans, and burying his head on you neck, Happy got his release. You could tell by the way his muscles tensed and his fingers sank into your thigh and hip.

“Fuck. You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“It would be a sweet death at least”, you responded. “But now I really need to sit down. My legs are shaking so badly I don’t know if I’ll be able to stand on my own when you let me go.”

You went straight to the sofa and didn’t do a single thing except catch your breath. The only thing Happy moved from the sofa for was to get the packet of cigarettes out of his trouser pocket. And as he lit his, he did the same with yours.

“It’s been quicker than usual”, you pointed out.

“Fuck you. It’s been a while”, he defended himself. “Besides, I've all night to fuck you until you beg me to stop.”

“Sounds tempting”, you nodded while biting you lower lip. “But I'd like some timeout. Do you want a beer?”

“Please.”

You spent some time talking calmly about the last few weeks you had been apart. You spoke of trivial things, but also of cloying ones, such as the times when you had been on the verge of calling the other to talk for at least a few minutes. You had to mention that you had spent a few nights with one of the Mayans from Santo Padre, but without explicitly saying that you had been fucking. However, Happy wasn’t the right person to blame you for anything either. Instead, you told him that Creeper had helped you find a decent room in a considerably better motel, and that he had given you a couple of recommendations for nice places to go and places to avoid. After the talk, you went to Happy’s room this time, and once there you took your time to give each other a few more orgasms. Maybe with that pace you could make up for the lost weeks. Having finished such and intense and exhausting activity, you could easily have fallen asleep if it wasn’t for the fact that, odd as it may seem, Happy still wanted to talk.

“You know how this life is. The danger. Why do you still want to be with me?”

“During the years, I've learnt to understand your life. What the kutt means and everything that it involves”, you responded. “Dangerous or not, it’s your life. You chose it and I respect it. And I love your brothers. They are my family now too.”

“But I’m gonna die, Y/N. Someday. For my club”, he added.

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“It’s a possibility.”

“So, I could die too someday. You know that what I do to earn money isn’t safe either.”

“You won’t die as long as I’m here.”

“Maybe. But what if we die? Everybody dies. And I prefer to spend the time we have together. No matter what.”

“Sounds good”, he acknowledged. Anyway, he still had doubts. “But I’m fucked up. You can’t deny it.”

“Of course you are. You are as fucked up as I am.”

“It’s not the same.”

“I don’t give a shit about what differences you see”, you answered back. “I may be one of the people that knows you better, the good and the bad. And I still love you. You’ve never scared me. I see you, Happy, and I still love you with all my heart.”

“Thanks”, he muttered. “For loving me despite everything I am and everything I do.”

“Cut the bullshit”, you growled while hitting him with the right amount of force in the ribs. “You are talking like a crybaby.”

“Sorry”, he answered, this time with a slight smile on his face. “I just don’t want you to regret it.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“Okey. Fine.”

Happy stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on his bedside table and made himself comfortable on the bed, pulling you towards him so that your head rested on his chest.

“So, are you gonna be here, right?”, he asked you in a soft voice while his hand caressed your still naked body. “Tomorrow morning, I mean.”

“Yeah, I’ll be here”, you responded tenderly. “Tomorrow morning and every other morning. I’m not going anywhere anymore.”

“Sounds good.”

“Sounds perfect”, you pointed out.

←Part 2 // Part 4→

[woolandcoffee]

I'm visiting my home town for a few days staying with my dad and step mom on the street where we lived since I was five. Except, it isn't the same street, not really. I've talked about this on the blog before, but back in 2017 a massive wildlife - still one of the largest the state has ever seen - ripped through my home town. It razed entire neighborhoods to the ground, including the one I grew up in. There was nothing left of my childhood home except ash (and the Goblin Helm, but that's a story for another day). The neighborhood looked like it had been bombed. Standing in the street in the days following the fire, all you could see in any direction was ash, rubble, and char. Even miles away, where the fire hadn't directly burned, ash coated everything. Bits of people's lives, burnt remnants of photographs and books and family documents blew away on the wind.

Thousands of people, including my dad and step mom, were displaced overnight with almost no warning. My parents had time to grab the cat, some of their things by the door, and their shoes. They drove out through a shower of embers. The house was probably gone less than an hour after they fled. Some people didn't even manage to make it out. A very lucky few survived the night hiding in their pools. They had burn and smoke injuries, but they lived. Some folks didn't make it through the night at all.

People lost everything. My dad and step mom literally only had pajamas, the cat, and their work bags. Overnight, they had become homeless. Our family lost irreplaceable photographs and family heirlooms. A very dear friend of mine lost all of her paintings. A collection of large, some as big as 6' x 6' oil paintings that she had spent the previous four years creating, were gone in minutes. The entire town, in some way or another, was affected.

But here I am now, seven years later, staying in the house that my dad and step mom were able to rebuild. There is only one empty lot left on their street, and according to my dad, surveyors have been out in the last month to start the process of rebuilding. It's strange standing on the street now. It's the same street I played in as a kid. The same neighborhood I trick-or-treated in, picked blackberries in, skinned my knees on. But it's also completely different. The houses all look different. They look fresh. The paint is new and bright. All of the windows are clear and unclouded. The yards still have that freshly landscaped feel, where they haven't really grown in yet. But most importantly, there is a different feeling in the atmosphere. A feeling of triumph and hope. Not that long ago, this street was ash and rubble. It was scattered pieces of people's broken lives. Now it is a testament to survival. And I can tell you this. No one, did it without help.

My home town was lucky. A wildfire can be devastating, but it isn't personal. It isn't something someone is doing to you. Yes, obviously there are human influences at play (again, another post for another day), but at the end of the day, a fire is a natural phenomenon. It will burn through and it will burn out and in the meantime, everyone who can will try to prevent as much damage as possible. People who have been displaced, who have seen their own homes and neighborhoods reduced to ash and rubble because of war don't even have that comfort. They know that it is something being done to them by humans, and they know that there is not enough being done to stop it.

I pray that everyone who is currently displaced by war will one day get to return and rebuild. I pay that one day, they get to stand in the streets that they grew up on and marvel at how it is the same but so, so different. I pray they get to put their lives back together. It's what anyone who goes through that kind of destruction and heartache deserves.

[tiny-wooden-robot-fics]

Bloom

Rating: G Media: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Original Female Character Characters: Levi Ackerman, Amelia Martin (Original Female Character of Color) Additional tags: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafes, Fluff, Slice of Life, Domestic Fluff

Summary:

Watching Levi brew coffee is one of Lia’s favorite things to do. If she’s being honest with herself, she will admit that watching Levi do anything is one of her favorite things to do, but the care he takes when making coffee is very high on the list.

She has often wondered if that attention to his craft is a skill he’s honed over his years of running a cafe, or if it was something that simply came naturally to him and serves him well in his current occupation. She makes a note to ask him later, when he’s not wholly concentrated on what he’s doing.

Part 2 of Rhythm of the Rain Part 1: A Break in the Rain

Read it on AO3

“Were you having a nightmare?”

They are the first words she hears upon waking. He speaks to her in a hushed whisper, the kind he always uses early in the morning. There’s something reverent in the gentle way he speaks, as if he’s reluctant to disturb the peace of the day when it’s only just begun. He’s turned the lamp near the bedside on, giving her soft yellow light to see him by. 

She takes a moment to collect herself. Breathe in, breathe out. Feel the rise and fall of your chest, proof that you’re alive. Feel the warmth of his skin on yours, his scent, the closeness of his embrace. You’re here Lia, and you’re alive.  

“I’m sorry,” she offers quietly. “Did I wake you?”

Levi looks at her, his gray eyes still heavy with sleep. “If I tell you no, you’re not going to believe me,” he starts. There’s the ghost of a smile on his lips. “But if I tell you yes, you’ll spend all day feeling guilty about it.”

She shifts in his arms, drawing closer to him. “I was dreaming about the past,” she tells him after a moment.

“You wanna talk about it?” His offer is gentle, and there is no pressure behind his words. Lia knows that he’s willing to listen if she decides she wants to talk about it, but will just as readily accept it if she doesn’t. 

“Thank you,” Lia murmurs, her gratitude sincere. “But I don't think I need to. It’s… waking up and reassuring myself of today’s reality is good enough.” 

He offers her another smile, and it reminds Lia that it is a sight she gets to see more often than most people. “Today’s reality,” Levi repeats. “You mean being stuck with a cranky cafe owner?”

“Yes,” she answers without hesitation. “A cranky cafe owner whom I love.” 

This time, he scoffs.

In the silence that follows, Lia notices the pitter patter of rain against the windows. “I wonder if it stormed through the night.” 

“It rained for a long time after you went to sleep.” He presses a kiss to her temple. “You must’ve been tired - I thought for sure the sound of thunder would wake you.” 

It amuses Lia, the constant theme of rain that has followed her since meeting him. It was rain that drove her into his cafe seeking shelter the day she met him; she’d been caught in a storm walking home from work. The downpour had lasted for hours, prompting her to stay in his cafe and presenting her with the opportunity to spend time getting to know him. 

“I was hoping it would have stopped by now.” One look over at the clock on the nightstand informs her that it’s just past five a.m. “We’ll have to cancel our plans at this rate - even if it stops raining in time, the ground will be all wet after a night full of rain.” 

He pulls her closer. “Would canceling our plans really be such a bad thing?”

“Well… we’ve both been looking forward to this day trip for months,” Lia points out. 

“True,” Levi concedes, “but it’s not like we couldn’t plan it again for another day.” 

He’s right, she knows - both the nursery and Levi’s cafe are closed on Sundays. She’d been surprised to find the latter out. 

“Wouldn’t Sundays be the day you’d get most of your customers?” She’d asked after he’d told her. 

“Not like you’d think,” he’d shrugged. “People go out on Saturdays - they run their errands and buy coffee and tea while they’re out. But on Sundays, people tend to stay in. They make their coffee and tea at home.”

Once he’d explained it to her, it had made perfect sense. She’d felt stupid for asking something that seemed obvious. When she’d pointed it out, he’d simply waved a hand dismissively and said, “Nobody can know everything.” 

“What would we do instead?” Lia asks now, her eyes on him. 

“Anything you want,” Levi replies. “Lounge around in our pajamas, make breakfast together… work our way through some of the shows in our queue.”

She has to admit that it all sounds heavenly - much more preferable than hiking up the side of a mountain in the rain - and so she does. “I’d like that.” 

--

Watching Levi brew coffee is one of Lia’s favorite things to do. If she’s being honest with herself, she will admit that watching Levi do anything is one of her favorite things to do, but the care he takes when making coffee is very high on the list. 

She has often wondered if that attention to his craft is a skill he’s honed over his years of running a cafe, or if it was something that simply came naturally to him and serves him well in his current occupation. She makes a note to ask him later, when he’s not wholly concentrated on what he’s doing. 

When he sets her mug in front of her, she hunches over and breathes in deeply, savoring the smell of the roast. He sets a tiny stainless steel pitcher down, its sides wet with condensation from being chilled in the refrigerator. “Half and half?” He asks, sparing her a brief glance before going back to pouring coffee into his own mug.

“Just a little,” Lia says with a smile. “I’m discovering that if the coffee is truly good, it doesn’t really need anything in it.” 

He raises an eyebrow. “Are you saying my coffee is truly good?”

“You know that it is,” she laughs, pouring just a few drops of half and half into her mug and stirring it with the spoon he’s provided. “I will never drink anyone else’s, not even my own.” 

“That’s a little extreme, isn’t it?” 

“Maybe it is, but I mean it.” 

--

Wordlessly, Levi grabs the box of tissues from the end table and passes it over to her. 

“I’m sorry,” she sniffles.

“What are you sorry for?” 

She sniffles again, this time taking a moment to wipe her eyes before speaking. “It’s just a stupid tv show. I don’t know why I’m crying.” 

Levi lets out a sigh. “I’ll tell you this as many times as you need to hear it,” he starts, his voice gentle, “but you don’t have to apologize to me for being who you are.” He turns to face her full on, reaching out and pulling her close to him. “If a tv show makes you cry, so what? It means it touched you… means you could relate to whatever thing happened to make you cry. I don’t think that’s something you should feel like you need to apologize for. Not to me, or anyone else.” He looks closely at her, his eyes meeting hers somberly. “Understand?” 

Lia hesitates. 

“Look,” he goes on, “I know some habits are really hard to break, and I know there were things that happened before I came along that are responsible for those habits. I know about some of them, and I’d like to learn about the rest of them  if you’ll let me. But in the meantime, I need you to know that you don’t owe me any of the things you think you might. All I want is for you to feel like you can be who you are when you’re spending time with me.” 

She absorbs his words with a slow nod. “Thank you,” she says, after a moment. 

“No thanks necessary,” he responds, and she can tell he means it. 

--

To be loved is to be changed.

Lia has heard the quote often in her lifetime, and whenever she thought of it, it was always with a negative connotation. 

It has not taken long for her to feel herself changing, but not in the negative way she thought she would.  

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Levi asks quietly, after watching her expression change. As it was early this morning, his tone now is gentle, conveying no pressure either way. 

The storm that has been raging all day is still going. The rain hits the windows in a steady drum, adding a layer of background noise to the otherwise quiet bedroom.

This time, Lia decides to tell him her thoughts. “I… I’m not lonely anymore,” she starts, surprising herself with the words. It isn’t at all what she thought she’d say, but she wonders if the words are proof of what’s in her heart. 

“Lonely?” Puzzled, he looks at her. “You mean, you were lonely before we got together?” 

“No,” she says, shaking her head. Then, “Ah, that’s not exactly what I mean,” she amends. “Yes, it’s true that I was a little lonely before we got together. But there have been times when I’ve been lonely before, even when I was with someone else.” She shifts onto her side to face him more fully. “I spent a lot of my life feeling like I was just… all wrong. That there was no one I was made for.” 

He’s watching her, saying nothing, but his eyes encourage her to continue. 

“I don’t know if you ever felt that way,” Lia goes on. “It’s not that I was looking for ‘The One’ or ‘Mr. Right’ or ‘Mr. Perfect.’ I’m aware enough to know that those things don’t really exist - not in the world we live in. Soulmates aren’t fated the way they are in fairytales. I know that loving someone and being with them is something you choose every day of your life, and you have to work for it in order to keep showing that you’ve chosen them. 

“They have to choose you too,” she continues, lowering her eyes. “They have to feel like they can choose you. And even if you both choose each other, sometimes…” She pauses to inhale, considering how to express her thoughts properly. “Sometimes even if you both choose each other, you’re still wrong for one another. And I think that I’ve never really felt like I was right for anyone. I kept choosing and choosing, but it was always wrong.” 

Levi seems to consider her words, turning them over in his mind. Finally, he speaks. “And what about me? Do you feel like you’re wrong for me?” 

“I hope not,” she answers, her voice low. “You don’t make me feel that way.” 

He offers her a smile, and it’s probably the softest smile she’s ever seen on him. “I’m glad,” he says, his voice just as hushed as hers. 

His words aren’t thoughtless - she knows there are things in his past, demons he struggles with. Just like the things in her past, they have shaped the person he is. She knows that there may come a day when he tells her about them, just as she may eventually share her own demons. 

When he pulls her closer, she curls into him willingly. They stay that way for a moment, both silent and pondering their respective thoughts, listening to the rain outside. 

“The hike would’ve been a bust,” Levi says finally, amusement in his tone. 

It makes her laugh a little. “Yeah, I think so, too.” She pauses. “And I liked the day we spent together much better than hiking in the rain.”

~Fin~

Part 3: Seasons of Rain and Sun

[sweethyune]

The taste of your lips. (series - chapter three)

— pairing : hyunjin dancer x f!reader dancer

— warnings : the story includes fiction, a lot of cursing, violence, hyunjin is very rude :,), anger issues, dirty talking, choking.. please let me know if i forgot something!

— also please keep in mind that english isn't my native language! ^^

— word count : 1,5 k

— there are reader's povs, hyunjin's povs

— READER'S NAME IS WINTER ICE!

Chapter three - "Do you like me this much Sam?"

Winter Ice.

You were standing in front of your mirror at home and you were rummaging through your closet for half an hour, just to choose something to wear, on the very first day of school. In freshman year, you use to wear formal clothes, because you didn't really need to dress up. In sophomore year, you wore a longer black dress that ended just below your knees. But what now? That was the question you've been asking yourself.

You sighed and threw on a white shirt that you tucked into a black skirt that you took on, which ended just a little bit below your butt. To top it all off, you threw on ten-centimeter black heels.

Was it too much? Maybe. Did it bother you? Absolutelly not. At the end of the day you are four feet and nine inches so you had quite a big problem with people, because you usually became someone's carpet. This way, you could avoid someone stepping on you.

And with those heels on, you can't just overlook someone who is five feet and ten inches tall.. and has perhaps the most annoying face you have ever seen in your life. You were angry again. Just thinking about that gothic bastard made your fists clench on their own. You took your bag, got into the car and drove to school.

You didn't even realize that this and next year are the last years, you'd be in this school and then, you're going to work. Crazy. You are now in third grade but.. how did the time fly so fast? It's not like you were rolling on the couch during the holidays, you had three part-time jobs at the same time to earn some extra money, which could always come in handy.

You spent money on clothes and make-up, because it was something like an aid for school. You had to go to the performances dressed up nicely from head to toe. It also had weight on the grade. At Dinadan, you had to know more than how to dance.

You had to look a certain way, be able to memorize all the ballroom dances and be punctual. You had to have a good character, be able to communicate in ways other than words. Our body has always been able to speak for us but.. can you read body language?

Do you know what it means when a person has their arms crossed on their chest? Do you know how a person feels, when they cross their legs? You had to be smart to get to Dinadan. This wasn't just another overpriced school, this is one of the best dance schools in the world. The school where you're going daily for past two years.

When you arrived at the place, you pulled into the parking lot and hit your hand on the steering wheel. Fuck. The entire parking lot was taken. Except for one place.. and when you wanted to park there, you almost hit a black Mustang, which came there in that moment and parked in YOUR spot. You angrily got out of the car and waited for an explanation from the moron, who allowed themselves to do this.

But at that damn moment, that bastard, that you hate so much, got out of the car and you knew you weren't definitely in the mood to talk to him for today. „Get into your cheap car and get out of my way. Get away yourself away from my sight." He stood in front of you amused in all his "perfection".

“Get out of here and maybe i won't scratch your eyes out." you smiled innocently at him. You were pissed, because you were already late for school.

„Shut the fuck up.” he growled without even looking at you, his face pissed off as always. He walked away not forgetting to elbow your shoulder as he passed. That fucking piece of shit.

Hwang Samuel Hyunjin

I didn't sleep all night. Molly drove up to see me yesterday and then we did it three times in her car. The fact that i had two scratches from her on my back from her claws pissed me off. I probably wasn't soft to her, but that doesn't mean i'm going to have her marks all over my body. I guess not really. I already had a warning light going on in my head to never fuck Kim Molly again.

I finally got up and went to school. That's right, at two in the morning. I changed into a black tank top, gray sweatpants and finally relaxed as i began to sway to the music. I danced until about a quarter to seven and then went home to shower and change. I had to dance out all the stress and anger because everything that was going on around me was like a spiral of shit from which there was no escape.

I don't even know why the fact that this is already one of the last two years that i will be studying here pissed me off. Maybe i felt her presence here and that's probably why i wasn't ready to leave. She was here, in all the photos and on half the trophies the school won. She was beautiful and i looked at her every time i have passed by the fame board. All the teachers here knew her, some even taught her.

„Good morning." Minho sat down next to me and threw a burger at me. I was sitting in the dining room, planning to buy some food from the buffet, but i guess i don't have to anymore. „Hello." I mumbled. „Where's the dog?" I arched an eyebrow and glared at Minho. He looked so pissed off. „Shitting" He snapped and i smirked. Of course he is. What else could Seungmin do in the morning?

I got up and left him with a nod. I turned around and headed to my locker where i grabbed my gym bag. I threw one pair of sweatpants in, shorts, two tank tops and the burger with bottle of water inside. I put my gym bag on my back and suddenly watched as Winter Ice appeared not far away from me.

Rage. I felt angry again. I quite enjoyed watching her in the morning as she tried to park somewhere and ended up parking the car into the janitor's parking spot. I smirked. The boys from several classes appeared next to me and i leaned my elbow on the locker. "Hey you blue viper." I yelled at her, my smirk deepening as she spun around to face me.

Winter Ice

„Hey you blue viper." You heard a voice that made all the hairs on your body stand up. That fucking bastard. „How many guys are you going to fuck today? Or did you get all dressed up for me? Want me to fuck you this much?" He appeared in front of you and licked his lips. You balled your hands into fists, anger seeping through you. You scoffed and raised your hand to hit him.

But you were stopped by his hands, which grabbed your wrist. He pushed you and pressed you against the locker behind you. You looked up at him with your head held high and watched his pissed off expression. He gritted his teeth.. and he was definitely thinking of killing you in hundred different ways.

„Don't even think about doing such a thing." He growled. „You're just a little whore that nobody cares about. You can't be compared not even to a dog." He spluttered and you just smiled. „Do you like me that much Sam? So much so that you have to hold me like this, pressing your crotch against me? You're pathetic if you think that i could ever want you that way.” You smiled cheekily, teasing him. Knowing exactly how much you were annoying him at the moment. But you weren't lying anyway, his body was pressed all against yours. Maybe it wasn't his intention but you felt happy with the thought, that you could piss him off even more.

„What? Does fucking others no longer satisfy you? Are you having problems with your prostate?" You chuckled and wanted to continue, but just then he grabbed you by the neck and squeezed it hard in his hand. „You're dead, you tiny chump." He growled and you suddenly felt tears welling up in your eyes from the lack of oxygen.

„That's what you said in freshman year and i'm still alive." You gave him a cheeky smile and a growl came out of his mouth. If he thinks he can control you, he's fucking wrong. And just then it stopped because you two heard Mrs. Young's voice.

„Mister Hwang and miss Ice to the principal's office. IMMIDIATELY."

masterlist

[rickktish]

Maybe it's because I'm a product of my time and place, idk, but sometimes the anti-car posts I see come across my feed get to me in a silly and purely emotional way. Because as much as I love the idea of implementing better public transit, both for the sake of the environment and for the impact it would have on citizen's wallets, I actually know that I personally would almost never use it.

Both for practical reasons, since my work covers an extremely broad area and I frequently drive over a hundred miles each way to and from work in a day, but also because my car is a part of my support system. It's a marker of my independence and ability to care for and provide for myself in spite of the fact that I can't live on my own. It's a safe space that belongs to me and isn't limited by someone else's ownership or control over that space. I bought it with my money, and I pay all the insurance and gas and repair costs. When I'm exhausted and feel alone and trapped I can literally just get in and go anywhere, and I don't have to worry about having a panic attack because someone can see me or hear me breathing or be annoyed that I'm taking up space, because it's my space and only mine alone. Sometimes that means driving around the block to the local park, sometimes that means going two or three miles to a grocery store, and sometimes that means picking a road and just driving in a straight line until I feel less crazy again, but none of that would be possible without my car.

I used to walk 20k+ steps in a day, and when I could do that maybe I could go on a walk to clear my head instead, but for the last three years going more than 3k steps in a single day means I have to spend the next day in bed recovering.

And yes, driving-- especially driving stick, which I prefer massively over automatic-- has its own toll. Today I wasn't able to drive the four hours each way it takes to go visit my brother at school like I had hoped because I drove two hours each way to work yesterday.

But because I spent yesterday driving, I got to spend today getting things done that I wouldn't be able to do otherwise. Today I walked around the kitchen to make myself food. I worked on daily tasks like cleaning and organizing, hell, I ate more than one meal today because I could actually get out of bed to do so. I can't do that on a day after I've had to walk around a lot.

If I lived in one of the "walkable" communities that have been cropping up all over my area, I would need to get myself a wheelchair to achieve the same level of independence I currently have, and likely still have less of it because I would need to plan around a whole different kind of fatigue from buying groceries or spending time with friends than I currently deal with. Driving five minutes to the store and spending a thousand steps there leaves me with more steps for things like showering and making dinner than walking five minutes to the store would, and that's so important to me. It's necessary in order for me to have the quality of life that I do, even as limited as I am by my body. I may not be able to work full time, but at least I can spend three days of my week doing a job that I love and value because I don't have to plan around distance from bus stops or adding public transit time to my already-fucked sleep schedule.

I don't know. Mostly I think I get a little bit tired of the posts that spend so much time denouncing the evils of personal cars and declaring that we have to replace them with public transit because I honestly think that ideally, we ought to plan for both. Public transit works really well for people living close together who don't go very far, and that needs to be supported better than it is in most places at present. It's also really good for people who need to go relatively far away at predictable and plannable times. But we shouldn't dismiss cars wholesale as evil; we need to try to strike a balance, for the sake of those whose lives or jobs aren't predictable and plannable, and for those who don't or can't live in communities structured for "walkability."

[weeeeeekly]

frankenstein’s monster – lee isa x afab!reader

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info ➜ part one because i want the first part out for valentine’s day but i still have more to write. based off lisa frakenstein & marry shelley’s frankenstein horror novel, movies, & the countless adaptations, so graphic descriptions of killing & gore. zombie!isa, assigned female at birth (afab) reader, halloween enthusiast!reader. this fic is very self-indulgent & gay. we're pretending that homophobia doesn't exist. probably contains minor errors.

wc: 3.1k

WARNINGS !!! this is a safe for work (SFW) fic, but my blog is not safe for work (NSFW) so please no minors (mdni).

author’s note !!! happy valentine’s day!!! where are all my gay girls that love stayc & horror. i just saw lisa frankenstein on friday & i just saw it again, so please bear with me for getting a new obsession. it’s what mary shelley would want. i love weird girl romance!!

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You were driving toward your new home. An old farmhouse your aunt owned for what felt like forever. You had been tasked with house and pet sitting as your aunt was out of the country for a wedding. You always loved visiting her house as it gave you a break from the busy-ish life of living near a city, but not directly in the heart. And she was your favorite aunt in the entire world, so it was no brainer when you agreed. At least you would have something to do for Hallo-weekend.

The last time you were here was the summer before you started college and a few summers have passed since then. The vegetation was still as flush and lively as you last remembered, and the long stretch of dirt road covered by rows of oak trees was your favorite. It looked prettier during the daytime, but the drive from your apartment to your aunt’s house was a few hours since it was in the country.

There was a pesky rouge eyelash that was on your lens that was bothering you as drove. It wasn’t the brightest idea, but this was a private road in the middle of nowhere so there wouldn’t be any people walking. You kept your eyes in the road as you used your free hand that wasn’t on the wheel to take off your glasses to clean them.

Your path was lit by your car’s high beam lights, and you took a second to focus your eyes and attention to cleaning your glasses. The second you looked back up, a fuzzy silhouette of some kind of… animal scared you as you did a hard break in an effort to not hit it. Your heart beat furiously in your chest as the thing ran away and you put your glasses back on. It was too dark to see it properly as it fled off into the rest of the forest.

Probably one of the deer your aunt complained about eating her rose plants.

You ignored your heart slowly settling back to normal pace as you went back to your journey. You allowed yourself to sit in silence for the remainder of the drive since it would only be a few more minutes until you reached your destination. You could go without music for a little bit.

The aging farmhouse was a comforting sight to behold, a dusty rose wooden house with white accents, long sprawling lush, green grass, acres of mismatched fences from quick repairs overtime, and a matching barn behind the house that held the other animals. The nearest neighbor is a quick five-minute drive away or one could take the shortcut through the supposedly haunted cemetery that was hidden behind the town center where the old town used to be.

You never understood why your aunt, parents, and everyone else feared the cemetery. It was just sad how rundown it was and just allowing the memories of everyone laid to rest there to be forgotten. It was quite peaceful to just sit there in the morning during the summer, especially when you were trying to avoid doing chores or forced family time.

You had a favorite grave. It was a very elaborate headstone with a cement face model of the girl buried. The headstone was ancient, so some of the stone was hard to read all you could make out for the name was the letters A, S, and I spaced out to spell a longer name that you couldn’t do a proper stone rubbing, died in 1837, and unmarried. You rolled your eyes the first time you read that since it was the only other piece of information on the headstone and felt disrespectful to reduce her to just her marital status, but it was the 1800s, so you just had to accept history.

You made sure to always be respectful when visiting the cemetery, you would never want to disrupt the peace. You usually just sit on a sprawled-out towel blanket and read aloud a book to the girl. You know that she couldn’t hear you because she was… you know, dead, but it just felt right to do so.

You couldn’t go visit her since it was too late in the night and looked like it was about to storm anyway. You just quickly unpacked the car for the overnight and duffel bag for your weekend stay. The night was loud from the annoying ass cicadas. You just wanted to hurry inside to save your eardrums.

The house was imposing at night with the lights off, but the second you turned the light switch on, it just looked like the 80s threw up on the décor. All the furniture was new when your aunt was born 37 years ago and stayed untouched with a few additions like the smart tv in the living room/kitchen.

The weight of driving for so long was beginning to take its toll on you, so you were struggling to stay awake as you laid on the couch after your hot shower some random video about movie monsters.

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When you wake up a few hours later, it’s storming outside. The sky was light gray, but it was pouring down. You let out a sigh as you stretch and fix yourself a quick breakfast. Thankfully, by the time you’re done eating – the rain stopped. You take the opportunity to do chores for your aunt’s animals in the barn and visit the cemetery before the rain starts up again.

You borrow your aunt’s rain boots and make sure to wear old clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty, leftovers from previous visits. The shortcut was muddy, but nothing that wasn’t difficult to walk over. The forest looks extra beautiful after rain with the trees looking shiny with dewdrops, the light mist of fog, and the sunlight peeking through the clouds. And it smelled like the candle-ized version after it rains.

The grassy, unkempt area was the same as ever as you reach your favorite spot. Her grave was damp from the rain, but still looked clean despite you not visiting for years. You smile as you greet her.

“Hey, it’s me. I’m finally back. I hope you’ve been well. Sorry for not visiting for a while I was busy with school.”

You brush off some stray twigs on the statue and frown as you fix the heart locket you tied around the head years ago when you first discovered the area. It was kind of sad and kind of weird that 13-year-old you decided that you would be the sole groundskeeper. The positive aspect was that you were getting outside and receiving vitamin D.

A raindrop falls from the sky and makes it look like the statue is crying, “Oh, I wish I knew you, but you don’t have to cry about it.”

You let out another sigh as the rain starts to pick up again, so you decide it’s best to head back to your aunt’s place. You walk down the shortcut without looking back due to your time crunch to beat what’s looking like a nasty storm.

The clouds slowly grow a dark gray like the charcoal you use for stone rubbing or your facemasks. You were due for one since this semester has been hard on your sleep schedule and acne was appearing again. Which was extremely annoying since you just got your skin to be clear and a consistent skincare routine since your classes the semester before were easy.

Well, you can’t change the past you from not making your schedule under the assumption that you would be okay with a 9 AM class if you liked the content.

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After settling into the guest room that was unofficially your room, you lay on the bed with your noise cancelling headphones as your face mask dries. The storm was getting louder by the second and you just wanted to get some sleep. You had just done your everything shower, so you were content in your oversized sleep shirt and satin sheets you brought from home. You were definitely going to have good dreams.

You don’t remember when you fell asleep either during the podcast episode about internet drama or the video about your favorite horror video game’s lore. The window shows the beautiful yellow-orange morning in contrast to the disaster of torn up grass, tree branches everywhere, and your aunt’s goats having a fucking buffet.

Wait. Your aunt’s goats eating on plants. The goats that are supposed to be locked in their pin inside the barn.

You scramble out of bed while putting on your glasses and rain jacket. You struggle trying to round up the loose goats and give up as they’re just as stubborn as ignoring you as you are trying to bring them to the barn.

At least they were eating so that was a morning chore you wouldn’t have to do.

The front door to the barn was smashed in and most of the animals inside escaped to the free roam the farm. God, the tornado that rolled in last night was shaping up to be a fucking nightmare, at least that’s what the news channel the old radio in the barn was able to pick up was telling you.

“A local farmer said, and I quote, ‘There was a green lightning bolt that scared off all my chickens.’ Experts are unable to confirm if this is a possibility at this time –”

“Green lightning would be something.” You say as you shove hay into bins for the goats’ dinner in hopes that they’ll wander back into the barn. You wonder how you’ll break to your aunt in text since the time difference was 14 hours. You hope she had insurance.

One of the chickens runs past you, scaring you and causes you to drop the shovel you were holding. Your head flicks into the direction of what sounds like a human-like groan. You can make out some kind of figure in the shadow of the corner of the barn.

“Ah shit.” You sprint out of the barn as whatever the fuck chases after you. You would close the barndoor shut but of course the goddamn tornado had to put a tree through it. The staggered stomps behind you clue you in that thing after you is injured which works in your favor since your adrenaline made you a track star right now.

Taking the shortcut to the cemetery in an attempt to lose your creepy follower, you avoid branches and rocks in your way, so you don’t trip and die like the people in your favorite cheesy horror movies do. You’re better than that. If you’re going out, you’ll be the one to do it and some rando.

When you reach your alleged safety spot, you hop over a hole in the ground as you hear a thump and a delayed groan.

“Serves you right!” Peering down into the hole, your eyes widen as your jaw drops, the sight that greets you is what looks like a girl around your age except her skin is a ghastly gray, dressed in an outdated dress, and covered in dirt.

You continue to stare in shock as the girl tries to stand up but fails to. You watch in horror as it slowly dawns on you that the girl’s left hand is completely missing. Like the-bone-is-showing-and-no-way-it-just-happened-kind-of-missing. Your eyes slowly move to the headstone and your blood turns cold as you realize that the open grave is the one you frequent to. The model statue, the same one that shockingly resembles the girl, is ruined from a lightning strike.

“Are you, like, okay?”

The girl stops struggling for a second to blankly stare at you.

“Okay, so I’ll take that as a ‘no’. Anyway… is that you?” You point to the model statue as the girl lets out a grunt in response and to your shock and surprise, a slow repeated motion of nodding.

“Holy shit. I’m not sure how this is even possible. You’re supposed to be dead and buried.”

The dead girl goes back to trying to climb up the 6-foot hole. You contemplate how you were going to help her out – if you should just hold her only hand and hope her arm doesn’t pop out or if you could throw a rope down and hope for the best. Your thoughts cease as the girl stands on the same level as you.

“How did you get out?”

The girl ignores you as she starts hobbling towards you with her only hand extending towards you. Her cold, dead hand holds your left hand as she leans her head down. You let out a nervous laugh as you slowly move your hand back.

“We just met face to face, so it’s a little too early for that. I don’t know your name. What’s your name?”

The girl moved her hand toward her choker-covered neck and as you step closer you realize that her neck has been sliced through.

“Oh, that’s not good, but it’s okay that you can’t talk.” You look towards the headstone, “Since only 3 letters are readable maybe we can make a nickname out of that? Asi? Isa? I like Isa.”

Newly nicknamed Isa moves her mouth in what looks like an attempt to smile which you take as a beaming acceptance.

“Okay! Nice to meet you, Isa. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

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If you had told your 13-year-old self that you would be helping a corpse into your aunt’s guest shower after she came back to life from a lightning strike, they would have asked what scary movie you stole that from.

After showing Isa the controls to work the shower, you laid out two towels on the bathroom counter and cleaned the mud tracks she left behind. The whole situation was pretty hilarious, at least you had someone your age to hang out with for Halloween in a town mainly occupied by retirees or new families with small children.

You’re interrupted scrubbing out a particularly stubborn patch of mud out of the staircase carpet when the doorbell rings. Your head whips towards the front door as the shower shuts off. Heading over to the door to greet the mystery guest, you put on a grin and open the door.

The face that greets you is one of your aunt’s neighbors that you remember liking, but not enough to remember their name. Your grin becomes genuine as the older lady kindly greets you and goes into a spiel of how she remembers you used to be this tall! You just nod at her story time as the shower turns on again.

“Oh, do you have someone over?”

“Yeah, just a friend.” You pray to every higher power up above to not let Isa walk over to you and the noise by the door. You don’t know how you were going to explain this away.

“You must be busy! I’ll leave you two alone so you can go back to your Halloween movies and such.”

You quickly wave her off and shut the door, wishing her a happy Halloween. You get a slight fright when you turn around and Isa is standing right behind you still looking a ghastly gray in contrast to the hot pink towel combo you left behind but now clean from all the dirt and bugs.

“Oh my god, you scared me! Let’s go back upstairs to get you some clothes.” You help Isa back up the stairs making sure to have her lean on your shoulder to help her balance. You go as slow as she needs to be safe which you don’t mind doing. It’s not like you were in a hurry since your schedule was to do light chores in the barn, waste your life away watching movies, and then maybe going to the grocery store to be candy for Halloween tonight. Which reminds you…

“I should dress you up as a zombie for Halloween which is the truth but not to make anyone want to chase us down with pitchforks and fire.”

Isa grunts as you reach the top stair and go around the corner to your room with some of the clothes you’ve left over the years.

“Sorry for the mess.” You make sure to help her step over your duffel bag by the door and the scattered mess of your makeup by the floor length mirror. You wanted to do an intricate makeup look for Halloween to get use of makeup you’ve had a for a while and to get your money’s worth. You still weren’t sure what you were going to dress up as maybe an iconic horror movie icon or something from your childhood and do fun, glitzy makeup or a basic supernatural creature.

You could just tear up some old clothes for Isa and add some fake blood to her costume. It had been fate that she came back from the dead on Halloween Eve.

You guide Isa to sit on the edge of your bed and open your walk-in closet, "For right now, I'll give you some pjs to wear while I make your zombie costume."

You offer a pair of pjs you wouldn't mind missing and give her space to change. Once she's done you can't help but stare in awe of how cute she looks. Isa almost looks like she could have been born in the same time as you which just shows how much of a timeless beauty she is.

You get a bright idea as you open your backpack, "Do you want to try 21st-century candy?"

masterlist | next

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: This Person Just Uncleaned My Apartment

I think I need to tell you about the Cleaner, because OMG, but for that you will need context on my pain/meds situation.

So less pain does not remotely equal no pain.  My hip joints were a mess Wednesday, and only a little better Thursday.  My shoulder joints, and thus my arms, started to go bad Thursday.  The fundamental things wrong with my body aren't fixable, but the new meds are doing a stellar job on what I think of as the secondary pain, IE: everything else not joint or tendon or in their immediate vicinity.  It is far more effective than the muscle relaxants I've been using for decades at this since it's hitting the nerves and not just the muscles.  It also adds to the tired.  So much to the tired.  Bonus: on the new dose, I get dizzy if I don't rest enough, and the heart palpitations hit longer and harder when they hit.

Dramatically better means for an extreme chronic pain/chronic illness perspective, not from a remotely healthy person's perspective, if you follow.  I was into about a month of unbearable torment when we tried the one pill dosage.  I'm still not sure my system can handle the two pills, and I plan to stick to this dose.  They are supposed to last eight hours, but I get an extra four hours of partial coverage per pill, and like I said the side effects are scaling up on me.

So right now my balance sucks, I'm exhausted, and my shoulder joints scream at me if I try to do anything remotely strenuous with them, you follow?

So far I've had four different cleaners turn up, two of them twice.  Three of those are hard and thorough workers.  One of those will not wear her mask.  I put up with it because I am wearing mine and turn on all the fans and I'm scared if I don't take her, no one will come.  (see five skipped cleaning appointments in a row).

Cleaning is a hard fucking job and they are underpaid, get no benefits, no set hours, and have to pay their own travel costs including for the ferry if they are coming from the reservation and that is a lot of gas.  I respect cleaners.  I've done it, after all, amoung the many shit jobs I had over the years.  I trust them to know what they are doing.  This has been the case in three instances.  Most of the conversation with those three cleaners has been things like: Where does this go?  Where is (whatever) kept?  What should i do next?  I refuse to micro manage.  In my experience, micro managing is dramatically less efficient and just insults the person doing the job.  I know I hated it, when I was the person being micro-managed.  This works great for Goth Millennial and for the other three cleaners on the other four occasions.

I'm sure you are sensing the big but here.

So the cleaner who came today, turned up the other time she was here high as a kite.  I don't mean a little buzzed, which is fairly normal in this town and this state.  Weed's been legal here for ages.  People with shitty service jobs occasionally come to work a schootch high.  It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things if, say, your barista's a little buzzed.  I don't partake myself for a host of reasons, but most of my friends since... I'm going to say 1985, have/do.  A little high is no big deal.

Orbiting Pluto without a suit is.  She was way out of it girl at a party who's friends have to watch her like a hawk high.  She was barely coherent high.  She drove here.  O.o.  She drove home.  This terrifies me.  after some consultation with my friends including them seeing the mess she made and me acting out vignettes, our best guess is she must have dramatically misjudged an edible.  (It had to be vape or edible.  I would have smelled smoke.  Edible makes the most sense for both the degree of Jesus fuck high and the thinking she was fine when she left home, but waaaay not fine when she got here.  Surely she would have cancelled otherwise, right?).

So basically instead of my working away at the aggregate or tumblr queue programming or whatever, it was a lot like baby sitting a toddler who would not shut up, only the toddler would make more sense and the mess would have likely been confined to things in a toddler's reach.  I had to go around after she left and actually use the forbidden to me for safety reasons ladder to save a bunch of my cups and glasses from the accident I could see happening the second Squirrel opened a dish cupboard because he had jammed them in their so precariously that the door was the only thing preventing them falling.  Goth Millennial came the next day and had to take everything out and restack it.  I could live with the fitted sheet being inside out, so we left that for today.

I did not turn her in to the asshole agency because 1. worker solidarity.  I never went to work on a substance, but I've worked so, so many shit jobs and the Asshole Agency is terrible.  2. I was pretty sure it was a mistake involving an edible. 3. I was big on giving people another chance when I was teaching.  On fuck up shouldn't lat for ever unless that fuck up was malicious or really damaging to other people.

Well, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me.

No, she was not noticeably high this time, though I couldn't rule a mild buzz out.  She also had a shamefaced and subdued demeanor that clearly told me she knew how badly she'd fucked up last time.  She said she'd signed up for me on purpose instead of her other option because I was really nice to her and my apartment was full of interesting things to look at while she cleaned.  My apartment is full of interesting things to look at and I suspect she liked me because I was consistently kind to her when she was a mess last time and hadn’t turned her in.   She really is sweet and nice and she is clearly trying her best but not remotely the sharpest tool in the shed.  Which can be fine.  I've known a lot of good workers over the years with significant developmental or accident related challenges and they did fine.  She wasn't in that category, but I realized she'd need extra supervision compared to the others.  I underestimated how much.

She did walk right up to Tavy and start petting him right away like last time which again confused and alarmed him.  Sure, Squirrel and I and a couple of the Millennials can do that because we are his particular friends, but he barely knows her and and she would NOT stop doing that last time no matter how many times I told her he was a biter and apt to maul when he was worked up.  I was so proud of him because he did not attack her the first three times, and honestly the forth time, I would have bitten her too in his place.  

Tavy was noticeably wary of her.  He did want to watch what she was doing, but he remembered her.  (By contrast, the other cleaners he'd watch from a distance for a while, and then follow around and in a couple cases, get me to pick him up so he could get a better look.  He really took to the GNC person who came once, and kept sniffing their legs).  He did let her pet him without biting her, and she was together enough to stop when I told her he was down, and leave him alone for the rest of the two hours when I said he was in a mood to hang out and watch but not interact.

I got her through the linen change okay and last time she was so high she forgot we had a dishwasher after she'd emptied it and it took her most of her shift except the linen change, but the dishes looked and smelled clean, so I set her to that and did not remotely supervise her enough.  This I did not discover until evening, but we'll get to that.

Then I set her to sweep and mop, which... Like I've worked a lot of restaurant jobs, often with people in a supported worker with severe intellectual challenges.  I've never seen one who'd been doing it for years who couldn't do it correctly.  She said she'd been doing this for several years.

Assuming makes an ass out of me, doesn't it?

Oh gods the mess she made!  I should have known it was too hard for her when she started prepping for mopping before sweeping.  So I told her to sweep first, which she did.  I told her to dump the water in the sink, not the tub, which turned out to be very, very lucky.  (The tub is the most expensive thing I own.  A city program that remodels for elderly and disabled people paid for it.  I will never be able to afford to fix or replace it.  There are super strict cleaning directions for a reason, because the mechanism is delicate.)  I told her to use the liquid all purpose cleaner under the sink.  I should have got it out and prepped the bucket myself, but bending hurts and I was exhausted and dizzy and my arm situation was deteriorating.  I should have done it anyway, because this is So.  Much.  Worse.

She used a ton of water.  Like way, way to much water in a way that suggested she did not wring the mop and/or she was dumping puddles out of the bucket.  It was a terrifying fall risk situation because this was the end of her shift and I really really needed to get ready for bed as soon as she left and forage delivery was late so I had to go drag it in, just as I'd given up and settled into bed.  So I'm dizzy with unreliable legs, using both hands and going careful back and forth over this swamp of a floor with a weird gritty, soapy texture.  Which is... not what you want in a cleaner for elderly and disabled people.  I could fall and end up in the hospital under those conditions.  And it;'s not like I could want a couple hours for it to dry.  There was no point in washing my feet in the bathroom, so I kept using wipes on them before getting into bed.

Then I woke up to pee and realized just how bad it really was.  *head desk*  My best guess is she used Ajax, which is stored under a bookshelf in the bathroom, not under the sink.  Like a TON of Ajax.  The kitchen sink and nearby counter was caked with it and the floor was tacky and gritty and full of muddy footprints.  I couldn't leave it like that.  I cleaned the sink.  I took the other mop with the disability friendly easy to wring it out attachment which had been to complicated for her head and wet mopped it all again, frequently rinsing and wringing it out, until my arms basically gave out and I had to wash up and take a nap.

It's still incredibly dirty.  I feel like crying, because I can't feel clean unless my feet are.  I've been skating around on damp towels, but though my hip joints are a lot better this evening, I wear out fast and it hurts quite a bit if I do it too much.  I hate leaving a terrible mess like this for the millennial, but I simply can't mop any more with these arms.  I'd have been so much better off giving her something else to do, but I couldn't think of anything else simple enough for her, and I know from last time she will not leave early no matter how much I tell her she can just clock out at the end of the hour.

At this point I was debating what to do.  I had settled on calling Monday and asking them to put her on my no list without giving a reason, because I simply can't go through this again.  It's too hard on my body and it's incredibly could seriously injure me dangerous.

Then I went to feed the Empress Livia and discovered something worse.

I'm medically fragile.  Amoung so many other things, I have an immune system that is far more interested in own goals than fighting pathogens.  I can and will catch anything you expose me too.  Anything.  I also have a dicey digestive system.  Anything I use to prepare food or eat or drink needs to be really fucking clean. We prewash for grease and stuck on food then run them through the washer to make sure the soap and anything else is off.  yes, I know this is bad for the environment as it uses extra water, but it’s a serious safety issue for me.

I was very, very clear on directions because I remembered last time.  “Wash the dishes and then put the in the dishwasher.  The dishes in there are dirty, so don’t put them away.  I will run the washer after you leave.”  Did she do that?  No.  Were the dishes cleaned and dried, which would be reasonably acceptable as an alternative?  No.  They were jammed in with the clean dishes, soaking wet and covered in soap bubbles six or seven hours after she left.  We'll have to go through all the pans tomorrow.  I pulled the pans and dishes I remembered were in the sink yesterday.  I have no way of guessing with the glasses and flatware and I don't know which things Squirrel put in there.  

I am exhausted and I hurt and I've been pushed way past the limit of what my body can handle in a day and I can't trust my dishes or the glass I'm drinking out of and I can't get the dirty Ajax grit off my feet.  I'm going to go take a bath, but my feet will be dirty again the second I touch the floor.

She's another poor person.  I feel like a class traitor just putting her on my no list, but she could theoretically kill an elderly person with her mopping, and I can't decide if I should say something, because anything I do will be a terrible option.

This person literally uncleaned my apartment.  I just....

Look, I know it’s a free service, but this is so very much worse than when they don’t send anyone.