#last time i had to leave bc i felt sick and apparently i really looked sick too

[fagdykevash]

havin some autistic emotions abt spiderverse. yk like always

[crystalwitch222]

~Life Update~

First of all I want to say thank you to everyone that follows my ADHD Soul blog and thank you to everyone that follows my gaming content content I appreciate all the support ❤️

Here’s an update on life..animal job didn’t work out it didn’t help the depressive slump I’ve been in. The way they trained wasn’t great and it’s the fact that there was no actual manager just a bunch of young ppl working there. For learning some things my type of brain half ass training doesn’t work for me I need hands on learning or might need a little extra to learn something but once I learn whatever sometimes I exceed expectations and try to be perfectionist. So losing job was a real let down for me. I sometimes wonder if I should’ve mentioned the ADHD thing but would it really hurt or help me and sometimes I wonder if I should get a letter or something from my doctor that could protect me from being let go or certain treatment at work. So that job ended in March/February. It wasn’t till December I decided to give another job a chance I actually was hired on the spot it was another shoe store I was so excited but everything wasn’t as it seemed I was supposed to be hired as full time and then apparently it turned it I wasn’t. They are weird about taking breaks sometimes like most places I’ve worked you are required to take a 30 min lunch and a 10/ 15 min small break if you work 5 or more hours even working just 4 gets you 10/15 mins. If it’s really busy some managers prefer you to eat while working. Like no sorry sometimes ppl need to sit down like we ac right now either. This company the way things are ran is more competitive and just different from the last shoe store I worked at We got a new store manager just seems colder more old school. It just makes me miss my old shoe store even more…

My old shoe store job had closed during covid. We all never officially everyone never said goodbye to each other and It was at a new location I had been at for about 6 months and didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to/ dealing with mean girl type of drama & as still processing the fact that I lost my original store I started out at I originally didn’t want to relocate and stop being the assistant manager. We lost another store manager ( losing the first one was real hard for me too ) so they thought it was best to move me to a more heavy volume store to be a sales lead manager. I felt like my time was cut short as an ASM and I felt like I wasn’t always taken seriously and their communication sucked at the end and tbh when I look back on it I was younger I could’ve used a little more training with some things but still their communication could’ve been better talking goes both ways. I’ll talk more about it another time.

After the shoe store company closed my little fun nameless part time job became my main job.. I fought through bs to became a supervisor at a new high volume location I knew store manager for a long time worked with him at multiple locations I even once called him my friend. Working there turned into a nightmare toxic work environment bc the assistant manager has it out for me but tbh she ends up having a problem with everyone there was always something wrong.. Then there was other stuff but more of that later.. yes I told my store manager after holidays that I wanted to be done but I was upset I thought he was my friend is that no reason to ever call or text an employee when they took a leave of absence when they get sick with covid ? No one ever reached out to me to see how I was doing so I thought they didn’t want me to come back so I never went back and a few months later my store manager who I thought was my friend blocked me on Snapchat. I’m still trying to live with my decision that I never reached out and still debating if I ever will… I wonder if I was put as fired and not rehire able.. i was great at my job I really loved the job itself just not the location in the end.. then sometimes I do miss my friend… who was my store manager..this was the first ever place to really inspire to be a manager run a place have a business this was the first place I wanted to be a manager at. For months I thought about texting him but I couldn’t do it I don’t know why or how I became this way but it got to a point at work where I stopped texting my manager every time there was a problem it just got tiring.

So it’s been a rocky road with work places every job has its negatives and not every job will have bad management. So all that is kinda what lead to my slump along with at the beginning of it all I had a condition that acting up again but I deal with it the best I can with diet and supplements. It’s called IC/PBS ( interstitial Cystitis / painful bladder syndrome ) on top that I think have OAB 😭

So here am I figuring out what to do next no health insurance might be diabetic

Right after leaving nameless job I got back into gaming started giving streaming a try and start making gaming content I’m still doing it but it can only distract me so much now and bring me so happiness but I’ll keep doing it bc I know there are ppl that enjoy my content and if it brings somebody some sort of joy that that makes me happy too. Who knows maybe one of my videos will blow up someday one of them once got 50k views. At one point I was streaming everyday I’ll possibly get back to that we”ll see. Also trying to get back into writing and blogging more check out my ADHD Soul blogs on Tumblr and Reddit . Also enjoy photography and started wire wrapping crystals thinking about possibly selling some. Check out my Instagram to see @crystalwitch_22 We”ll see. Thanks for reading.

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[little--ghost]

Ghost rlly didnt get taught by anyone how to deal w/emotions in the end, so they’ve been trapped in the cycle of suppressing emotions -> letting it spill out (be it mainly through anger and/or aggression, while usually directed toward enemies they Have hurt Azu before) -> temporary calm -> repeat again

and on one hand they’re constantly stressed and tired and irritated and if anyone looks at them they might just kill

but on the other they’re so exhausted they dont have that energy To b mad. Sometimes it spills into sadness, and they’ll cry their heart out in a corner hidden well away from the rest of the world

thoughts weren’t helping them either, after what Echo had done to survive. They knew it was inevitable, but they didn’t think it would’ve hurt so much for so long. So they tried to pretend it wasn’t that bad.

they’ve hurt Azu w/an outburst once, physically. And seeing what was done they fled till they were found again after a lot of searching. Azu didn’t really know what to think of it, seeing they didn’t understand emotions zirself. Though ze didn’t think too much of it at least

Ghost was always afraid of abandonment. That their siblings would leave them too, someday. Somehow. They never spoke of it, but it always lingered. So one day they fled Hallownest, alone, speaking only once of their apparently want to adventure. In truth they probably figured if they left now, they didn’t have to deal w/the inevitable hurt when their siblings left them too. It was never true in the first place though. Azurite was worried sick when Ghost left suddenly, not knowing ever where they’d gone. Azu thought ze did something horrible

Ghost hates crying, they hate feeling vulnerable and/or weak. Being weak always threatened to have them killed back in the palace after all. They want to hide away forever away from everyone else but crave the love and warmth from their siblings at the same time but could never seem to decide what they actually wanted. So they never decided

they couldnt really help it, after winning the fight against Azu aft ze was infected in the basin. After Azu had remarked how happy ze was to see them again before ze went back to sleep. They definitely stayed and cried for quite a while, even if ze was possibly still around still as a shade. Though bc of the infection ze probably couldn’t recover fully until it was gone

Voidheart finally let them return to face when Echo had surpassed them in their last test, and they probably cried there too. Though mayb they did finally accept that somehow, everything that’s happened. Mayb not fully accept their feelings just yet but there was probably something at least

nobody’s told them still how to deal w/anything. Though ultimately none of the siblings overall know either. But I like to think they figured at least sharing some of it w/each other felt nicer than being alone by chance

[elmaxlys]

Once again dreamed that I was in uni but with my middle school classmates - more specifically, this time it was S, A and L. I encountered them on campus and we reconnected. Somehow L had not had the bac so she was still studying for it? third time if I remember well. S and A came to my house sometimes, and we went together and we shared snacks and we talked about L and comforting her.

I had german and english classes? once i only had class in the afternoon and it started with english (the teacher looked like my high school philosophy teacher) at 15h but i misread it to be at 16h (despite knowing it was at 15h) and i came in as the other students came out of the class and i was crying crying crying on the way from my home to the classroom because i was late and i knew it but i had slept in and i had been sick the previous night (so apparently that day was supposed to be today and the previous night in question was supposed to be last night) and i encountered another of my classmate, E, just as late as I was, and we entered the classroom and i kept apologizing, knowing i didn't even have the right books in my bag as i had just grabbed it urgently as i went out, and I kept crying, kept crying, and so the teacher said alright sure we'll do one more hour. And i thought very hard like BUT WHAT ABOUT OUR NEXT CLASSES HUH?? but i said nothing because i was choking on my tears. And so the teacher started to write a note in my carnet de liaison, like i was still in middle or high school (tbh the classroom def looked like a room in my middle school so sure) and wrote something nice and about how i had to keep my head out of the clouds - but then she wrote something completely incendiary in E's carnet and I was like WHY WHY WHY and i felt so guilty and i kept crying. And then she said we could erase these words and rewrite them as she wrote them on the blackboard and I took sooo so long to erase them and I couldn't write very fast and i kept trembling and choking. a very nice time overall. there was a prince somewhere in the message for some reason

we had to catch up with the german class bc there was one time it wasn't possible for the class to be held: it was scheduled on sunday afternoon, at 14h or so. So i had to leave super early and my parents wouldn't get back from church so i said fuck it, ate on my own and left. i was crying the whole time because i was so scared to be late again and also during the bus ride i realize i still hadn't swapped my books so i still didn't have the right ones and i kept crying and going to class for the rest of the dream

for the stats: pretty sure i was called both legal name and elmax. no idea for gender?? agender?? gender neutral?? idk i put no thoughts in that so i want to say usual me, but also it wasn't really

[captains-simp]

hello i love your work!! can you do a part 2 to worth our time? :”) maybe wherein carol is actually getting soft for the reader and wants to be together but the reader is hesitant bc of carol being known as a player? maybe some jealous carol as well? 😳😳

Soft!jock!Carol is a god tier idea and I really hope I did it justice

Shout out to @wlwmarvelenthusiast for helping me with my technical difficulties

Part 1

7.5k words

Warnings: oral, praise and double ended dildo use

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Why are you ignoring Carol?" Wanda asked with a frown as you sped out of the school car park a little too hastily. She narrowed her eyes at you, ready to read into every expression that flickered across your face.

"I'm not ignoring her, I'm avoiding her. It's different." You insisted as you kept your eyes on the road in front of you, determined to leave the school grounds before a certain blonde left the building and got into her own car.

"It's exactly the same thing just in a different font." Wanda stated as she continued to watch you.

"It's not. And anyway, I'm not obligated to talk to her." You said quieter, not finding enough confidence in your words. Of course you weren't obligated to talk to Carol, but you missed it - more than you would admit to yourself.

"I know, I thought you liked her though. You said your date went well with her but since then you run out of every room she enters."

"It wasn't really a date." You muttered as took a left and eyed your mirror.

"Y/n." Wanda laughed. "I think I know a date when it's described to me."

"But it's Carol, Wanda. Carol doesn't do dates." You insisted as you tried your hardest to avoid your friend's gaze again. You didn't want her to see the pain in your eyes.

"She did with you."

"She went down on me-"

"Yes, I remember that catch up conversation." Wanda chuckled and you threw an empty sweet packet you had left in the car at her.

"And I'm not complaining about that. It's just... you know I'm not one to judge people by rumors, but Carol seems like a pretty strict 'hookups only' type of gal. Every time me and Carol are alone together we end up fucking and again, I'm not complaining about that, but it's enough to tell me she doesn't want anything more from me. Not even fuck buddies, because she doesn't commit to girls." You breathed out deeply as you parked up outside yours and Wanda's favourite coffee shop, suddenly not able to tell if you weren't in the mood for your hot chocolate or in desperate need of one.

"I think there might be a little more to it than that." Wanda said after a moment. She knew where you were coming from but she also couldn't deny the fidgety nature and anxious look in the blonde's eyes a few days prior.

"She called it a date last time you were together, she hasn't done that before. She was worried when you were sick and she's only ever worried when her teammates are sick."

"She wasn't worried." You rolled your eyes lightly and managed a small smile at Wanda.

"Oh she definitely was."

You groaned when you heard your phone vibrate on your bedside table. You rolled over begrudgingly, only bothering to check it because you knew it was lunch break at school and it might have been Wanda sending you the class notes you had asked for.

Unknown number: when I saw you weren't in class I assumed you were dead

You frowned as you took a double take of the message and the number you didn't recognize. The fuck? You decided to respond anyway, if they were in your class and texted you maybe they would send you their notes too.

You: sorry, who is this??

Unknown number: your favourite jock ;)

They replied, pretty much instantly. You put two and two together, but really the smirking face would have been enough.

You: Carol? How did you get this number??

You rubbed your eyes and pulled you sick bowl closer to you, frowning at the discomfort you felt.

Unknown number: so I am your favourite jock?? Good to know

You rolled your eyes and groaned more, knowing Carol wouldn't be forgetting that in a hurry. You didn't respond to that, instead shutting off your phone in hopes of getting more sleep but a minute later another text came through. You knew it would be Carol, but you still reached over to check it.

Unknown number: and Wanda gave it to me

"Dammit, Wanda." You grumbled, going to write her an angry message but Carol had something else to say.

Unknown number: I asked very nicely

You fought off a smile weakly and decided to change her contact, telling yourself it might be useful to keep it.

Jackass: You home alone?

She didn't seem to want to stop talking. Although you couldn't deny that it made you smile more when you wondered if she meant was anyone there to look after you.

You: I am, parents have to work

Jackass: want me to come over and make you feel better? ;)

Suddenly you didn't feel like talking to Carol anymore. You were sick and feeling crappy and all Carol wanted to do was fuck, she was hardly subtle about it either. If you hadn't already been thinking long and hard about what the jock could possible think of you, that would have been the moment you started to ponder it.

With your mood somehow lowered even more, you turned your phone off to go back to sleep, accidentally swiping the notification that read Jackass: * :)

"I still can't believe you gave her my number." You grumbled as you swirled the chocolaty drink in front of you.

"She did ask very nicely." Wanda grinned.

"Enough about her." You said, leaning forward on your elbows to grin back at your friend. "How's your girlfriend?"

*

You were on your phone when you saw a donut being pushed across the table towards you out of the corner of your eye. It was your favourite type that also happened to be the one the cafeteria rarely sold, so when it landed in front of you you looked up with a smile, expecting to see Wanda smiling knowingly back at you.

Carol grinned as she pulled out the chair opposite you and sat herself down. Your eyes flickered over to Wanda who was trying to hide her smile and look away.

"It's for you." Carol said after a second.

"What do I have to do for it?" You asked, only half joking as you eyed the treat suspiciously.

"Come on another date with me." She winked. You leaned back and looked away from Carol and the donut, displeased but not surprised. "Nothing." Carol said quickly. "You don't have to do anything, I just know that one's your favourite." The blonde said. You had never told her that. You eyed Wanda again who quickly looked away like she hadn't been watching the interaction and leaned into Natasha.

"Thank you, Danvers." You said quietly, moving the napkin that the donut was on closer to you.

"I thought we were passed that." Carol chuckled, you wanted to smile at the sound. Carol leaned down to grab something out of her rucksack as you started on the donut, not entirely sure if you should try make conversation or just run away.

"I took notes yesterday, while you were gone." The jock said as she put her notebook on the table and flicked through her badly organised pages to find the one she was looking for. You raised your eyebrows slightly in response.

You had never once seen Carol take actual notes in class, but when she spun the book around to face you you were even more surprised to see the detailed notes she had been taking, even with a couple of small diagrams at the bottom she had probably copied from the board.

"Are they okay? Wilson's pretty good at this shit I'm sure I could get him to-"

"They're great!" You interrupted. "They're...fuck, I'm sorry but since when did you take notes?" You didn't want to seem rude but it felt like you were witnessing a never before seen event or the discovery of a new species.

"Just figured you would want them." Carol shrugged and took a sandwich out her bag.

"Yeah I... thank you." You muttered and smiled when you saw a small doodle of a star. "Can I?" You asked as you motioned to your phone's camera. Carol nodded with a smile and watched as you took photos of her notes.

Wanda coughed from across the table and you shot daggers at her, knowing what she so desperately wanted to say. She hasn't done that for anyone else.

*

"It was sweet of her though." Wanda pointed out as her eyes stayed fixed on Natasha's form.

"It was, but you've gotten me donuts before and you don't want to date me." You said as you tried to stop your eyes trailing to Carol again as they seemed to keep doing.

"Well if Natasha wasn't here..." Wanda teased with a smile. You rolled your eyes at your friend and chuckled.

"Are Carol's abs as hard as they look?" Wanda asked randomly. You couldn't help but look up at the blonde at the mention of her name and perhaps one of your favourite things about her.

It was a hot day and her team was training hard on the field, so most of the athletes had their shirts off. Carol's abs were on full display and given the amount of core stretches she had been doing they were as prominent as ever.

"They are." You muttered, remembering the first time you ran your hands across her chest.

You heard giggling in the row behind you and turned around to see a group of girls also watching Carol and her team train. It was obvious their gazes fell on the same area yours had and suddenly you remembered the long list of names that Carol used to show off proudly.

The girl's whispers became louder as did the giggling and without realizing what you were doing you found yourself comparing you to them. They were popular, effortlessly beautiful and probably had much more experience than you ever had. You couldn't compete with that. Especially when you didn't even know why Carol wanted you. You rested your head on your knees and tried to zone out the world around you as your insecurities ate at you more.

"Come on." Wanda nudged you gently as she stood up from the bleachers. You grabbed your bag and followed after her, noticing that practice was apparently over.

Natasha was standing at the bottom of the bleachers and pulled Wanda into a tight hug. You smiled at the motion, wishing you had what they did.

"Hey." Carol said to you, her eyes shining lightly in the sun.

"Hey yourself." You nodded as you began to walk behind Wanda and Nat. Carol fell into place beside you and made you think about the height difference between you. You were convinced she could give the best piggy back rides.

"You make it look easy." You blurted out. Carol arched a perfect brow at you as she pulled her shirt over her head. "Sport." You generalized, waving your hands.

"Y/n is allergic to sport." Wanda called back.

"Is that right?" Carol smirked as she looked at you.

"It is not, it's just not my thing." You defended.

"Then what is your thing?" Carol asked curiously.

"Wouldn't you like to know." You replied as you searched your brain, not really knowing if you had a thing. Nothing serious at least.

"I would." Carol fired back.

"That's too bad." The jock smiled and decided not to push.

"I'm sure there's a sport you can do." Carol pondered.

"If there is if it could be added to the curriculum that would be really helpful." You sighed.

"Y/n L/n, are you failing a class?" Carol gasped dramatically. You groaned when Wanda laughed, confirming the blonde's assumption.

"Could be worse, I fail loads of classes and everything seems to work out okay." Carol said calmly, seemingly completely unfazed.

You reached the car park and slowed down when you saw Natasha follow Wanda to her car. Wanda was your lift to school and therefore your ride home too. You had stayed behind to study in the library and joined your friend on the bleachers when it shut to see the last of the teams training, not thinking about the fact Wanda was staying behind so she could hang out with Natasha after.

"I can give you a ride home." Carol offered as she threw her car keys up in the air and caught them easily. You pondered that for a second, you really didn't want to be a third wheel to your friend, even if it was a short drive home.

"Yeah, thanks, Danvers." Wanda gave you a knowing smile as she waved goodbye and practically ran to her car with Natasha.Yeah, definitely the best call to leave them alone.

You got into Carol's car and tried to ignore all the memories you had of being in the backseat, instead resting your arm against the window to try and keep your focus on that. Carol didn't say much as you drove which surprised you. She seemed deep in thought about something and you couldn't help but wonder what.

"You want to come to mine?" She said suddenly. You froze in your seat before answering.

"Just my place will do. For me only! I mean I... I have homework." You rambled and felt your whole face heat up. You wondered if being in a car with Wanda and Natasha jumping each other could possibly be more uncomfortable than being sat with Carol and trying to decline her advances.

"I could help." She offered, seemingly genuinely.

"I can handle it." You forced a laugh. Carol nodded and didn't say anything else until she pulled up to your house.

"Thanks again, Danvers." You smiled at the blonde as you hauled you bag up and opened the door.

"I'm always happy to help you out, y/n." Carol smiled back your way genuinely and your stomach did a little flip.

*

You hummed to yourself quietly as you made your way through the school corridors and opened the double doors to the library. You smiled to the librarian as always and got a limited response but your smile faltered when you saw your usual table was taken... by Carol.

She was in her training attire and scrolling mindlessly through her phone until she glanced up and saw you. "Hey." She smiled.

"Are you lost?" You asked as you walked towards her slowly.

"No and go get changed." Was all she said as she pushed a bag of school gym clothes towards you.

"And why would I do that?" You sighed as you peered into the bag.

"Y/n," Carol started as she tilted her chair back and rested her hands behind her head with her feet on the table, her usual confident smile playing on her lips. "Does it or does it not absolutely kill you that you're failing a class?" You paused before flicking yours eyes up to her. Yes, it absolutely did.

"And am I or am I not the best athlete in the school?" Also hard to argue with. You shifted on your feet.

"Come on, y/n. I promise I'll help you at least pass the class." Carol said with certainty. You chewed your gum as you thought about it.

"What do you get out of it?" You asked as you narrowed your eyes at the blonde.

"I can go to sleep at night knowing I've helped an underling." She grinned. You rolled your eyes but couldn't help but smile at her, Carol continued to smile back at you.

"That A* you got us on that project made me pass the class." Carol shrugged.

"Alright, Danvers." You nodded and picked up the bag. "But no funny business."

"Great!" She exclaimed and took her feet off the table to stand up.

"I'll see you in the main hall in 10."

*

Barely ten minutes into Carol's 'warm ups' you were already out of breath and in need of a break. You glared at her every time she barked orders at you with a grin, clearly enjoying bossing you around.

"Catch!" Carol exclaimed as she hauled a basketball at you. You ducked out the way and watched it fly past your head.

"You trying to kill me?!" Carol was bent over laughing at your exasperation and inability to catch a simple ball.

"Shut the fuck up, Danvers." You huffed but managed to hit the second ball that came your way.

"You really are allergic to sports huh?" She teased as you scowled at her. "Okay, let's start with the basics."

Surprisingly, from that point onward Carol wasn't that bad. She gave you a lot of pointers that honestly proved helpful because you slowly started to improve. Granted, you were still bad, but you were better.

"Arms like this." She instructed and watched as you mimicked her shooting position. "Elbows a little higher." You did as she said but she smiled at the attempt and stepped behind you. You froze up a little when she put her hands over yours and lifted them up too to a position that felt more natural.

"You got it." She assured, speaking right next to your ear so you could feel her breath against your skin. Then she withdrew her soft hands from yours and backed away. You missed the contact immediately.

"Now shoot." She instructed. You missed.

*

Carol trained you after school pretty much every day after that. Your limbs always ached after those sessions, so much so you were tempted to cave and take Carol up on her offer of a back rub.

You found that some sports were actually kind of fun to play with Carol, whether it was the absence of the pressure you got in a full class of teenagers or just because you enjoyed the blonde's company, it wasn't all that bad.

You still couldn't find a sport you were good at, but you didn't really care. You wondered what would happen when you did. Would Carol coach you at it for a bit then abandon your sessions? They couldn't keep going forever. The pang you got in your chest was the reason you had been ignoring Carol weeks prior, you didn't want to feel that for her. You just couldn't help it.

"Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." You recalled as Valkyrie wrote it down.

"I knew it was something like that." She waved off.

"Yeah you were really close with..." You glanced at her notes. "She gives me a boner." You laughed and put your face in your hand.

"That's the modern day translation!" Valkyrie exclaimed defensively.

"Please don't put that in your exam." You sighed as you flicked through your copy of Romeo and Juliet to find the next act.

"One sec." Valkyrie said as she looked down at her phone that was vibrating on the desk with a caller ID that you couldn't read.

"Hey, Captain." Valkyrie answered. You looked her way and back at your book quickly. There was more than one Captain in the school.

"I'm in the library studying." She continued and paused for the other voice to speak. "It's not that bad, a pretty girl's teaching me Romeo and Juliet." Valkyrie winked at you and you smiled weakly back, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Fucking jocks and their shameless flirtation.

"Yeah I'll be done soon, see you then." She said and hung up the phone before turning back to you.

"Are there any quotes about boners?" The minutes after that went by painstakingly slowly. It was only a one off tutoring session that you would get an extra credit for, but you could think of a million things you would rather be doing with your lunch break.

Valkyrie nodded past you at someone at the library entrance. You turned around out of instinct and saw Carol strolling towards your table, eyes focused on you.

"Thanks for this." Valkyrie said as she packed away her things. "If I pass the exam I'm gonna have to find some way to make it up to you." She smirked as her eyes trailed over your legs.

You glanced at Carol who looked far from pleased at Valkyrie's comment and couldn't help but smile because that is exactly what she sounded like to you sometimes.

"That's okay." You muttered as you tried to avoid her gaze and put your books back in your bag.

"Alright, but I'm having a party this weekend. You should come."

"I'm not really a party person." You laughed awkwardly, wanting the encounter to be over.

"You don't have to spend long at the party itself." Valkyrie shrugged as she took a bold step towards you. "You could always stay in my room-"

"She said no." Carol cut in. Her eyes bore into Valkyrie's with a look that said the conversation was over. Her stance was firm and her jaw was tightly locked as she glared at her team mate. Valkyrie frowned and looked back at you as you fiddled with your bag zip and avoided her eye, silently thanking Carol even if she had been a tad aggressive.

"Right, sorry." Valkyrie muttered before making her way past you. Carol gave you a small smile before turning to leave with her team mate. You were sure Wanda would have something to say about that.

*

It was a few days until you saw Carol again. She had texted you to briefly say she had practice after school and you didn't see her at lunch breaks either. It annoyed you to admit you missed her company.

With every second you spent with the jock your crush on her grew. You knew that any longer and you may just end up head over heals for her which would only end in heart break for you. But every time you saw the wisp of blonde hair, shine of brown eyes with her confident smile or even just that god damn varsity jacket, you didn't care about how it could end.

It was a Thursday when she texted you during lunch to ask if you wanted to practice after school. You replied a little too eagerly with a yes and continued listening to Wanda rant about something dumb Pietro had done.

A few hours later you held a bat in your hands and prepared for Carol to throw the ball your way. She wasn't very talkative that day, a rarity for the blonde. You wanted to ask if something was up with her but the concentrated look on her face made you not want to disrupt her train of thought.

"I'm sorry." She said suddenly.

"That's alright." You sighed as you watched the ball roll across the field. That was a particularly fast throw.

"About snapping in the library." Carol corrected. "I didn't mean to make it awkward." She said as she scratched the back or her neck then stretched her arm to throw again.

"You didn't." You assured honestly. "I was already uncomfortable." You huffed as you missed another throw from Carol even after trying to apply all her tips.

"Val can be quite persistent." Carol said, still not showing her smile.

"Just like someone else I know." You shrugged. Carol faltered at the obvious call out.

"Lets switch." She said quietly and handed you her glove as she took the bat from you. She explained to you the basics of her own throwing techniques and had a few recommendations on what she thought might work best for you.

"If you ever told me no, I'd back off." Carol said as put the bat up. You were thrown off by the sudden shift in conversation.

"I know you would have." You hoped Carol noticed your use of past tense. You had already decided that sex with her again would be too dangerous for you. God only knows what you would end up blurting out. You cringed at the thought of confessing your love for Carol as she fucked you.

Your eyes shifted to the track team that were doing their laps around another part of the field. They made it look as easy as always.

"You got eyes for one of them, y/n?" Carol asked in a voice that seemed more curious than teasing.

"Not my type." You muttered as you threw the ball weakly again.

"What is your type?" Carol asked, unable to mask her curiosity that time.

"I don't know." You huffed. The blonde looked at you expectantly, clearly hoping for something more. "And what's your type, Danvers?" You asked, successfully shifting the conversation when you saw a glint in Carol's eyes. Her smile returned.

"Eh, about (your height), (your eye colour) eyes, terrible at sport but really cute so it's dorky." Carol shrugged. Damn, that could almost be me. You glanced up at the blonde to throw again and saw her smirking at you.

"Someone should warn her." You joked in a feeble attempt to hide your disappointment that we swelling in the pit of your stomach.

"I just did." Wait... Carol's smirk grew as she watched the realization spread across your face. You blushed deeply and tried to fight off a smile.

"I don't think baseball's working either." You muttered.

*

"You know it's strange, I always thought you were going to become a jock." Pietro said thoughtfully before taking a bite of his apple.

"First of all how dare you and secondly what the hell gave you that idea?" You exclaimed. Wanda was giggling besides you while Carol gave you a look of faux offence.

"That's the highest compliment!" She argued.

"I second that." Natasha nodded.

"Do you remember Wanda's 14th birthday party?" Pietro asked.

"It's a treasured memory." You grinned at Wanda. "I kicked your ass at bowling." You recalled proudly.

"You kicked everyone's ass at it. Bowling's a sport isn't it?" Apparently word had spread about Carol's private lessons. You and the blonde had spent weeks going back and forth between different sports. Overall, you were still pretty crap but you had been lifted to a passing grade in the class. You kept meaning to tell Carol that, but you didn't want the lessons to end. You concluded that as long as she didn't ask, you wouldn't tell.

"I'd say so." Wanda shrugged but Carol and Natasha clearly had different opinions.

"Fuck no!"

"Please do not align that with us!" They erupted. You and Wanda started to laugh at their outraged expression, never knowing something to piss a jock off more.

The sound of the bell overhead was followed by a few groans from those around the table as you all packed up and left the table. At least it was a Friday. You wandered across the field on your usual route of going round the main buildings to avoid the crowded corridors, lost in your thoughts until someone jogged up besides you.

"Bowling, huh?" She inquired as she slowed down to a walk.

"It's been years." You said offhandedly.

"You got plans tomorrow?"

"Nope."

"We should go bowling, if you want to. Obviously just as part of your lessons." Carol offered as she looked ahead.

"I thought you said it isn't a sport." You eyed the blonde suspiciously with a smile.

"It isn't, but this I have to see."

"Okay." You nodded without much thought. Bowling with the jock did sound fun.

"I'll pick you up at 2."

*

"These shoes are ridiculous." Carol grumbled.

"American football shoulder pads are ridiculous but you don't hear me calling that out." You fired back.

"Oh, so that was meant at someone else?"

"Sure." You shrugged as you smiled at Carol's brightly coloured shoes. You went onto your lane and gleamed at the nostalgic sound of pins being knocked over and the bright spot lights across the lanes.

Carol put your names into the scoreboard tablet as you ran your hands over the bowling balls and frowned slightly as you realized you still had to use one of the smaller ones.

"Experts first." Carol motioned to the beginning of the lane with a small smirk and you smiled back at her excitedly and grabbed a ball.

"Just remember it's been a while!" You called back to the eagerly watching blonde. She hummed back. You brought the ball up to your chest to have a feel of the weight and glared at the pins, there had to be something you could impress Carol with. With a deep breath, you swung your arm back and forward to let the ball go, center down the lane and colliding with the painted targets. All but one knocked over and you couldn't help but throw tour hands up in the air in triumph.

"That was pretty good!" You declared as you turned back to Carol happily. She beamed back at you, giving you a smile that made her eyes squint and look absolutely adorable.

You grabbed the second ball and rolled it smoothly across the polished floor, successfully hitting the last pin. Carol strolled up after you, her hands hovering over the range in front of her and landing on one for someone with a bigger hand. You scoffed quietly, not believing the jock could hold it but she picked it up with ease.

You stood, wide eyed, watched as she sauntered over to the lane and swung her arm. The ball veered off to the side and took down a couple of pins that Carol glared at.

"Unlucky is all." She grumbled as she went to get another ball. This time when she threw it it fell into the dip along the side, it was hard to hide your amusement.

"That's just bullshit." Carol grumbled.

"Do you want me to put the sides up for you, Danvers? Or maybe I could ask someone for that ramp." You teased. She flipped you off and went to sit on the small sofa and watched you carefully.

You knocked most of the pins over on your next few goes while Carol got very little. You tried to give her a few tips but apparently her ego was too big to accept them, which meant you were winning marginally.

You spun around to face the blonde after knocking the last of your pins over but she wasn't on her spot on the sofa. You were about to get your phone out to text her but you spotted her sauntering back towards your area with a bowl of nachos. Your mouth watered at the sight.

Carol gave a dramatic huff as she spotted the scoreboard and beckoned you over to the small table by the sofas. "We'll start a new round after these." She said as she put them on the table. "I didn't poison them." She quipped when you didn't move.

"Sometimes I think you'd do anything to win." You replied as you sat down opposite her and took one of the nachos. In all honesty you weren't expecting Carol to get the snack, never mind to want to share it.

Carol flexed her right hand absent mindedly as she glanced around at over areas of the alley. "Your hand hurting?" You asked as you took another nacho with a lot of cheese on it.

"A little." She shrugged and lifted it up to look at the back of her mind. Without thinking, you put your hand and pressed it gently flat against hers. Not only were her fingers longer than yours but her palm was bigger too, even her wrist was thicker. It was only when you caught Carol's eye that you went to bring your hand away but she laced her fingers through yours and put them down on the table.

"Sorry, I was just curious." You blushed even though it was clear Carol didn't mind.

"Okay." She chuckled as she continued on the nachos. You finished the rest of the snack in silence with your hands still together until you leaned back and glanced at the lane again.

"Ready to have your ass kicked again?" You quipped.

"Don't get cocky, kid." Carol mused as she rolled her eyes with a smile.

"Since when did you know Star Wars?" You asked in complete disbelief.

"I love Star Wars." Carol said casually. "And since always."

"I didn't take you for the type." You smiled as you tried to study the jock for any signs of a lie.

"That's just because you never asked." She shrugged and stood up, letting your hands slide apart. You missed the contact instantly but that didn't distract you enough from her words.

Of course you had never asked her something like that, Star Wars was the last thing you'd guess she would like. You knew there was always more to people than what they showered publicly, but Carol had always seemed like such an open book in every way. So hearing that she wasn't quite what you thought she was, even after the few months of knowing her better, simply made you impossibly more interested in the blonde. You stared at Carol in nothing short of awe, she was really something else.

"I've had enough of these shoes." She declared.

"You quitting on me Danvers?" You quipped but really your heart dropped at the thought she wanted to cut your outing short.

"I'm just thinking we could try our hand at a few other things, seeing as we're not doing sport anymore." She said as she nodded towards the arcade.

Your eyes lit up at all the games in the entrance as you found your competitiveness returning. You both returned your shoes and practically ran over to the arcade area with all its choices. You decided to head towards the air hockey first as you argued over whether or not it was a sport. Carol, of course, took the opposition.

Your reflexes weren't as good as hers but you liked to think you put up a good fight, even if you did curse under your breath every time the blonde scored. The screen above you both lit up to declare Carol's victory that she was very happy to celebrate, you watched as she danced around the table towards you in what could have been the dorkiest thing you had ever seen.

"You having fun there?" You laughed.

"So much fun." Carol grinned back and eyed her next target.

"Absolutely not!" You cried out when her eyes landed on the basketball. You took her by the hand and tried your best to ignore the electricity running up your arms at how perfectly her hand fit in yours and led her through the arcade. You came to a halt by a racing game and before you could even suggest the idea to Carol she was clambering into the seat and shoving the coins into the machine. You sat down next to her and did the same. You were both terrible. The controls were slightly broken and far too sensitive, making the cars on screen spin around when you tried to turn and never going straight.

"Piece of garbage!" Carol shouted at the screen as you passed the finish line by some miracle.

"Wanna go again?" You asked with a grin but the blonde was already jumping off the seat.

"Now this I have to win." Carol declared as she spotted the nearest shooting game. It was some kind of zombies in space crossover but you didn't much question that when you picked up the plastic gun.

"We work together on this, Danvers." You laughed.

"Count yourself lucky then." Carol said as she aimed her gun at the screen as the game started.

"The fact that you didn't know how it works doesn't make me all that confident in you." You pointed out as you started firing at the horde of zombies. You didn't see one that was charging at you from the left but Carol shot it down before it reached you.

"You're welcome." She smirked then shot some more on your right. "Come on, y/n I'm doing all the work here."

"Fuck yourself, Danvers." You fired back as you tried to reload your gun.

"Fuck me yourself you coward." She challenged. Your mouth went dry but you started to laugh. She didn't make the comment with her usual smirk and suggestive tone, instead it seemed like a genuine joke that you didn't get anxious about.

"That would be a first." You quipped with a smile. You managed to take the last few zombies.

"It really would be, I am a virgin after all." She said casually and you dropped your gun. "Oh shit, here we go!" Carol laughed as the zombie boss made its dramatic entrance.

"Wait what?" You stammered as you looked between Carol and the screen while trying to get a grip on the plastic gun.

"What? No one's ever fucked me. I fuck girls, they don't fuck me back." She shrugged simply and started rapid firing at the boss.

"Maybe you should stop being exclusive to pillow princesses." You joked in a feeble attempt to mask your surprise.

"Maybe, it's not just that." She started. It confused you that she could say something so out of character while keeping most of her attention on the screen. "I don't trust any of them. I don't know, it's just, when it comes down to it, I freak out." Carol tried to explain but seemed to struggle.

"Damn." She sighed when the screen presented 'Game Over' in an overtly bloody text. You wandered away from the booth as you thought about what Carol said. She had a content smile on her face as she looked around and you figured the conversation was over.

"I love these." You told the blonde when you came across a Wac A Mole machine. You put the coins in and lifted up the rubber mallet as you kept your eyes on the board. The first one sprung up in front of you and Carol announced its presence with a cry.

"Thank you, Danvers." You smiled after hitting the figure.

"There!" She pointed to the next one, and the next one until you shouldered her out the way, not expecting her to actual wander off. When the game was over you grinned in triumph and looked to Carol for her praise but she wasn't near by. With a frown, you ventured around the arcade and found the jock hunched over a claw machine.

"These things eat you money, you know?" You half joked but to your surprise Carol dropped a small teddy bear into the box.

"And how long did that take you?" You teased as she picked it up.

"Its for you." You ran your thumb over the left paw that had a heart over it and smiled back at the jock who kept surprising you.

"Thank you, Carol." She nodded and the pair of you started to walk out the arcade and main building. Much to your surprise it was starting to get dark and there were few cars in the car park. You guessed the place would be closing soon but you hadn't realized you had been there so long. Time always seemed to fly by with Carol.

"How long were we even..." You started to laugh lightly until you turned to Carol and realized how close together you were. Your breath hitched when your eyes locked with her own that seemed to be looking back at you with something you couldn't quite pinpoint.

"Can I kiss you?" You whispered gently. You licked your lips and nodded slowly.

Her other hand rested on your cheek as her thumb caressed the smooth skin slightly and finally closed the distance entirely.

You had kissed Carol before, but never like that. It was slow and longing and gentle and you reciprocated in an instant, matching the rhythm she set. You brought you hands up to Carol's neck and cherished the moment of feeling connected to her in the way you had been craving before you pulled apart.

"It's only our second date, Danvers." You couldn't help but quip, not knowing what to say in such an unfamiliar scenario.

"Well this second date has taken a lot of work to get." Carol pointed out and you laughed as you continued to hold her close.

"I was scared." You admitted.

"You don't have to be scared with me." Carol assured gently.

"You mean it? You really..."

"I really love you." She confirmed.

"That's lucky for me, because I love you too." You smiled and brought Carol in for another kiss that she happily encouraged.

"So... more dates?" Carol asked with a laugh, clearly not all that familiar with the procedure either. You would work it out quickly.

"Yeah Carol." You chuckled.

"That I still have to work hard for?" She half joked.

"Not if we're girlfriends." The blonde laughed more at that.

"I'm glad to hear I've upgraded from just your favourite jock.

"You're always going to be my favourite jock too." You assured and kissed Carol once more.

*

Carol kissed a path down your stomach and smiled against your skin as she felt you shiver. Even after weeks of dating you still weren't used to her kisses, especially not across your more sensitive areas of skin.

"I got you." She whispered as she hooked her fingers over your pajama bottoms and panties and pulled them down together, kissing the newly found skin. You shivered more as her breath ghosted over your clit making you whine and buck your hips up. Carol smiled at your reaction and leaned down not before whispering "God, you're beautiful.

She wrapped her full lips around your clit and reveled in the moan that spilled from your lips. Her tongue dipped between your folds and she moaned at the sweet taste that invaded her taste buds.

You wrapped your hands in Carol's long blonde hair to bring her closer but she pulled away with a smirk. Before you could whine in protest she pulled her own trousers down to reveal a strap you hadn't seen before. It was different in shape and colour but the most noticeable different was the absence of the harness. You moaned softly at the realization it was anchored inside her.

"I want to feel it with you." Carol said as she lowered herself back towards you and placed her hands either side of your head and kissed your neck.

"Are you sure?" You asked tentatively. It would be the first time Carol had been on the receiving end to such a level. The most you had done was go down on her a few times.

"Yes, I trust you. I love you." She grinned and lined the strap up with your entrance.

"I love you too." You had really started to enjoy saying that to her.

You moaned breathlessly as Carol inched the strap into you carefully and kissed along your jaw more. She moaned with you when she bottomed out and felt the strap dig deeper into her. Her hips twitched as she took a moment to gather her own composure and held your hands above your head, your fingers intertwined.

"I got you." You assured back to her as she started to pull out and push back in. Carol moaned loudly in response and held you closer to her as she started to build up a rhythm, your thigh slapping together.

You moaned in sync as the strap pleasured you both more and more. You wrapped your legs tightly around your girlfriend's waist to push the strap deeper inside you both.

You shuddered every time Carol's skin met yours. Carol started thrusting the toy faster and harder as she chased her own release.

"It's so good!" You cried out. You both struggled to form words, only managing breathless moans as the strap pressed firmly against your g-spots in sync.

"Me too, fuck, please Carol. Cum with me." You pleaded and gave a strangled moan. Carol shuddered and moaned louder than you had ever heard as she came undone at the same time as you.

"Y/n." Your girlfriend shuddered and started to grind her hips against yours as she rode out her high with you.

"It's okay, I got you." You said as you held onto Carol's bare back. You held her close to you as she breathed heavily against your neck, the irregular patterns starting to even out. She was still shaking so you planted soft kissed across the patches of her face that weren't hidden in your neck as you stroked her hair, a content smile on your lips.

She adjusted herself slightly and the pair of you moaned softly when she eased the toy out and put it on the floor. "I'll clean it later." She whispered, eyes closed, before you could say anything.

"Okay." You chuckled and brought her closer to you. You wrapped your arms around one another as your legs tangled together under the sheets.

Carol's soft breath caressed your skin as you stroked her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. A faint smile played across her lips at the action, confirming that she was just as happy as you were.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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[hoe4hotchner]

Hello, I've come with a new concept idea:

I thought about Hotch getting a stomach bug or a cold of some sort and he got over it fairly quickly, bc he is a big healthy and fit man. So he had to take a few days off to get better.

But he put puppy!Spencer and puppy!reader in doggy daycare or with some friend, bc he doesn't want to get them sick too, not knowing how they would react to that kind of situation.

But all this prevention isn't enough (mainly bc he felt bad for "abandoning" his puppies, since he is home ans they aren't) and the both of them get sick and Hotch has his hands full with them.

He really can't decide who is more whiny, Spencer, who begs for a new cup of tea in his water bowle or puppy, who clinges to him like a third leg.

Nevertheless he brews tea every what feels like five minutes and carries puppy the whole time through the house. Still, he wouldn't change a thing, since they trust him enough to keep good care of them 🥺

-🐶

He definitely leaves them with the daycare, knowing that when it's more than one day they need to be there, that the daycare is more suited for the job at last minutes notice.

The following morning he gets a call to come and pick them up again, cause apparently they both started sneezing violently and coughing and just overall looked half dead.

Back home he starts off by laying them to rest in their basket, but soon enough Puppy feels miserable and tries to jump up to him on the couch, cause she wants to be held. But her body feels heavier than usual and her coordination skills have gone to shit, so she almost falls back down again.

Spencer soon makes his way to the empty water bowl and makes a groaning whine as he slams his head against it. It wakes both Hotch and Puppy. When Hotch tries to get up to see what's wrong, Puppy doesn't want him to go and tries to move to sit in his lap so he can't leave. Puppy logic at its best.

Hotch ends up scooping her into his arms and having her rest on his hips. Spencer keeps staring daggers up at the kettle until Hotch gets the point.

While waiting for the water to boil he just keeps looking at his two poorly pets one snot-faced and angry and the other clingy and drowsy all the time. He hates seeing them like that, but he can't help but adore them, even when he gave them a cold.

[ave-venefica]

Promitto

Inspired by this amazing post over here. I figured I'd post this separately bc it...deviated quite a bit from the original idea + I ended up making it canon to my Regina Maris au rather than its own separate thing. Also, just a note in case it's not clear, but Jimmy's pretty young at this point in time.

-> Promitto - v. meaning “I promise.” From the latin ‘pro’ and ‘mitto’ (I send).

The Sea Prince makes a request to his sister

JIMMY HALF SWIMS-HALF STUMBLES INTO THE COUNCIL ROOM. It was a jerky motion, almost impossible for anyone to really do, but Jimmy, half-delirious with fever, found a way.

He called out— “Lizzie!” — startling his sister and the counselor from their discussion. They stood upon a large map of the continent, the map nearly spanning the entirety of the room’s floor that most of the tables and chairs were pushed flush against the walls. Lizzie was positioned near the center of the continent, the prongs of her trident pointed at a spot Jimmy couldn’t discern.

The counselor, whose name escaped Jimmy for the moment, quickly bowed from where they stood atop the capital of the Ocean Empire. “Ocean’s Blessings, Sea Prince—”

Lizzie interrupted the counselor’s greetings and quickly bridged the gap between them. “Jimmy, what are you doing here?” Her voice was tinged with worry. Her brows furrowed deeper as she bent slightly to check his temperature, webbed hands brushing away the wild strands of sandy hair. “You’re meant to be in bed.”

It was always jarring to see Lizzie shift from the proud and serene Ocean Queen to the more excitable and open sister he’d known all his life. It was like a switch had been flicked. A mask dropped. A weight released. Her use of formal seiren dropped for more casual speech. The change was subtle, apparently, for most people, but for Jimmy, it was as clear as day.

“Look— that, that doesn’t matter right now.”

“Of course it matters. You’re sick—”

“What’sthisIhearaboutyouleaving?”

Lizzie froze, her fingers jerking slightly. “What?”

“I heard...” he swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to even his breathing. “I heard that you were planning on leaving the empire. To go to land.”

Lizzie took a step back, eyes wide. Then, quick as the winds of a hurricane, she whipped her head towards the counselor. “You. You told him?” The Ocean Queen accused.

The counselor had the decency to look sheepish, and with a slight bow, answered “I have never once agreed with this plan, my queen. But as you would not listen to me or the rest of the council, I thought his highness would be able to dissuade you from this foolish course of action.”

“And it was a good thing he did!” Jimmy felt warm. Too warm. But he couldn’t tell if this was because of his own fever or if it was his blood boiling at how absolutely stupid his sister was right now. “Our queen venturing onto land— so soon after the last salmon invasion, by the way— is not what this empire needs right now. Not what our people need from you right now.”

“You can’t change my mind, Jimmy. Go back to your rooms.”

“Oh no, you’re not getting rid of me that easily—”

“Jimmy.”

“— I’ll pester you until you have no choice but to listen to me.”

“Jimmy, please.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Could you please, just—”

“I’ll follow you everywhere. I’ll start making really stupid jokes. I’ll force you to play board games with me and—”

“—let this go?”

“Why does it have to be you?” He yelled. His fingers dug crescents into his palms, eyes squeezed shut so that Lizzie won’t see the tears forming. His chest squeezed painfully, making his breath hitch.

“Why does it have to be you?” he echoed quietly. Voice small as he tried to keep it from cracking. “You’re the queen. Surely there’s, there’s someone else you could send instead. You don’t have to leave.”

Lizzie heaved a heavy sigh. She cupped Jimmy’s face with her warm hands, gently floating him up so that they were at eye-level. Blue eyes met blue. With her thumb, she wiped away the stray tear at the corner of his eye. “I wish I could stay, Jimmy, but I have my reasons. It’s important that I go myself,” then, she pushed her index finger against his chest, “like it’s important for you to rest. Who else am I supposed to leave as regent of the empire when I’m gone?”

Jimmy blinked. “You’re leaving me in charge?”

“Of course. You’re more than ready for the responsibility.”

“But just a couple weeks ago you told me I wasn’t even old enough to rule over a puddle.”

“Pssh.” She waved it off. “That was the past. We were different people then.”

Though skeptical, Jimmy decided to let it go. “So you’re still insisting on going, then.”

“Trust me, Jimmy, there’s nothing you can do or say that will dissuade me from making this journey.”

“When...when do you plan on leaving, then?”

Guilt flashed through her eyes for a brief second before smoothing out. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” He gaped, arms gesticulating wildly while he tried to form his thoughts into words. “I— why so soon? Lizzie, you can’t, you just can’t.” He paced back and forth across the room, half-swimming half-walking. A few of his steps faltered, though he was unlikely to admit that.

This was all too sudden. First the salmon, then his stupid illness, and then Lizzie’s apparently leaving to go who knows where and leave him in charge? What’s he supposed to even do as regent? Jimmy wasn’t trained for this!

He stopped as the room spun around him— hand coming up to clutch his head. Lizzie swam towards him, holding his shoulders steady. “See,” she said. “This is why you need to rest. Gods know you could pass out at any minute!”

“I know, I know. You don’t have to keep nagging me, I—” He took a deep breath and looked up at Lizzie once more. He took one of her hands in his, curling four of her fingers so that only the littlest finger was extended. And with the most solemn of expressions, he held his pinky out to her as if he was a knight pledging his allegiance. “I want you to promise me, then. If I go to bed right now, you won’t leave until I get better.”

Lizzie looked at their hands, eyes a little glazed as if in contemplation. After she came to some sort of consensus, she sighed, entwining their pinkies and sealing the oath. “I promise that I won’t leave until you get better.”

“You better not be lying to me.”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “I’m the head of state, Jimmy. One of the most important skills you have to learn is lying.”

“What—? But you promised!”

“I know, I know. And I’ll keep it, I swear.” She booped him on the nose. “Now come on, come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Lizzie pushed him out the door and accompanied him back to his chambers. Even staying a while to hold his hand and tell him stories until he fell asleep, despite the fact that she must have had so many more important things she needed to take care of. For all that Lizzie was the Queen of the entire Ocean, with thousands upon thousands of subjects to govern and even more land to oversee, she still made an effort to spend time with Jimmy.

***

When Jimmy finally woke from his slumber, it was one week later.

He was alone.

There was a conch shell sitting next to his bed.

The Council told him that the Ocean Queen left for land three days after their last conversation.

He pressed the conch shell against his ear. The Queen’s voice filtered through the shell, the melodic lilt of their language speaking of vows, and journeys, and soft-spoken apologies. The shell fell onto his bed without a sound as Jimmy curled into a tight ball beneath his blanket.

The palace was cold.

He was still sick.

[ahoge-fish]

AU where Alex is a marine biologist and the Crusaders are a pod of mermen who save her from drowning and eventually befriend her. also Iggy is a seal

To the rescue!

Alexandra's team was on the boat getting ready for their last dive in that territory, checking their equipment to make sure that there wouldn't be any problems.

Their ask was to check on some corals that were under control. Easy, right?

Well, at first yes. It all went well.

They dive down to the corals, the water was pretty deep and it was even deeper where there weren't any other corals that they had to check.

Alex and her dive buddy were... not so friendly towards each other in that period. But for being young adults, they were mature and they knew that if something went wrong, they had to collab to not end up dead in the ocean.

So they made this agreement and they were all good.

Or at least that's what she thought.

They stayed under the water for a pretty long time, noting everything on their waterproof notepads. They also saw some fish swimming in that zone.

When everyone was low on air, it was time they had to go up.

Alex's dive buddy makes her a thumbs up, telling her to get on the boat.

The young woman being distracted with the wonderful world underwater didn't even notice that it was time to go. So she checked her air on her divecomputer and it was a little bit low.

But Alexandra was not done finishing her work, so she pointed at him and then made a thumbs up to tell him to go without her.

And that was her biggest mistake. It was even her buddy's mistake because instead of insisting to go up together, he just shrugged and leaved her.

Then the current started to increase. Strange, when they checked if there was to be any current they saw that the sea was supposed to be calm that day...

So after that, Alex decided to go up. She saw from afar that her teammates were doing the same, while others where already at the top doing some decompression safety stop. Near them was her dive buddy.

But when she took her last glance at the coral reef, she saw a turtle that was struggling to swim. So Alex started swimming towards it.

She saw that a fishing net was around its fin and now also around some corals, making the turtle unable to move.

The young woman took her diving knife and then started to cut first the net around the turtle's fin. She had to be very careful since the net was tightly wrapped around it. That must be feeling painful, poor guy.

After the turtle was free, it swimmed happly away and Alex waved slightly at it; putting the net in her little bag. She then looked at the coral and started carefully cutting the net from it.

In the mean time, the current started to increase by a lot, making it difficult to stay in place.

But Alex didn't want to go up after she cut all the net from the coral. It was difficult, because the current kept moving her to the side.

She tried her best not to kick with her fins on the corals under her and by doing that, she failed in remaining still.

The current increased enormously and Alex was trying her best not to go too far from the boat.

Then when she tried to swim up, she notices that it was very difficult to do so. And then she realized:

She was cought in a down current.

Water kept pushing her far and down while she tried to swim against it. It was exhausting.

She tried to keep her breath steady to not consume any more air, but it was nearly impossible since she was doing so much work with her legs and she also started to panick a bit.

She couldn't even hold her breath to avoid using more air, because doing so was very dangerous. She must continue to breath underwater no matter what.

While she was kicking hard to try going against the current, she checked her divecomputer and she was dangerously low on air.

She snapped her head towards her dive buddy that now, was very far from her. That bastard! He didn't even bother checking if his dive buddy was coming up. And she couldn't even see her other teammates!

So she understood that she had to go through this alone.

She tried to hold herself by grabbing some corals and rocks, but she kept slipping from them and also sadly breaking some of the fragile and sick corals.

She thought to put more air in her BC, but then it would've costed her some precious air. And as said before, she couldn't even hold her breath under that depth.

She then thought to put just a little bit of air in her BC and then taking off her weight belt, but even that would've been dangerous. She could've popped out from the water like a ball after you forcefully put it underwater! And she wouldn't even be able to do a decompression safety stop, causing her decompression sickness.

While she thought of that, her legs started to slow down for exhaustion and the very strong current kept dragging her far and deep from the boat; into the depht of the ocean.

She was officially panicking, favoring to the fact of her breathing faster and consuming more and more air.

She checked one more time her dive computer and saw that the tank was almost empty.

Tears of fear started creating in her eyes. She was starting to feel dizzy from the panicking and the exhaustion.

When her head started spinning, she thought 'fuck it' and decided to put some air in her BC. With the little air that remained, she took one last short breath and put the rest in her BC.

This situation was extremely dangerous.

Her vision started to black out when she tried to reach for her weight belt.

Before she could've even do it, all of her strenght leaved her body and all she saw was black.

She let the current dragging her far and deep.

It was the end for her. She fucked up really bad this time, but no one could've scold her after hearing from her this absurd story.

Because dead men tell no tales. (See what I did there? R e f e r e n c e)

----

Alexandra had still her eyes closed, but she felt weird. Like she was out of the water and she felt... warm?

Is this what the afterlife was like? Weird and warm?

Alex then tried to process if she was standing up in front of the heaven's door or laying on the ground. Or perhaps... sand?

She even heard the waves crushing on the shore. So she felt warm, sand under her hands and waves. Huh. Heaven must take in your favourite place to go apparently.

She then heared some voices, but she couldn't understand what they were saying. Maybe they were the angles.

Alex's vision slowly went from black to red, due to the light passing through her eyelids. She squeezed them and managed to move her head a little.

Then she heard like something was dragged on the sand, and then heard a voice saying something.

Alex heard some other dragging on the sand and other noises coming towards her, before slowly opening her eyes, regretting instantly doing so for the strong light.

Before shutting them again, she saw some strange figures towering on her. Damn those angels were massive.

She fluttered again her eyes open, weakly bringing her hand towards her face to rubbing one of them.

When she finally decided to give them a better look, that's when she realized that maybe those weren't angels.

They were mermans.

She widened her eyes and slowly moved from a laying position to a sitting one. But she then started coughing.

While she was doing that, the red-headed merman patted her back to help her cough out all of the water.

In the mean time, the others speaked to her telling their names and what happened.

There was even a seal!

And those mermans where huge. Like, okay she had a little body in the first place, but damn these guys were big.

They told Alex that they saw her sinking to the bottom, so they picked her up and brought her there.

They didn't brought her to her crew, because it was too risky for them, but hey at least she was alive!

She was alive...

At the thought, Alex started crying from happiness. The silver-haired merman named Polnareff approached her and hugged her.

But then she asked why they saved her. The older merman simply said that they saw how she treated the marine life in these days that she was here. She was so kind a gentle. Man that day she even risked her life for saving that turtle and remove the fishing net from the corals!

They understood that she was part of that little slice of "good humans", so letting her die when they could've saved her seemed a waste.

She thought that no one deserved to die, especially in a scary way that she experienced. But at least she was glad that she was still alive.

They asked her what happened, and even if she doubted that they knew how the diving gear worked, she told them anyways about what she experienced.

But then it clicked: where the hell was she and how she'll get home? The mermans at that reassured her that she wasn't so far from the land lived by people.

Of course her crew would've be panicking, but they couldn't go dive again and search for her that same day. Following that, they might've have thought that she was dead or that the strong current brought her away.

Either way, someone had to search for her. But how much time could've that take? Maybe tomorrow she'll be home? Will it take some days, weeks? Will they even find her? Would her crew even report that she was missing?

The young woman started to worry and she slighty breathed heavier than before. The ravenette merman named Jotaro noticed that and said to her to stop worring. He reminded her that they weren't so far from land, so sooner or later someone that fished in that zone would've spotted her and helped her.

Polnareff then suggested to take her directly where the other humans lived, but the dark skinned merman named Abdul responded saying that it was too dangerous; he then said that waiting was the best option. He finally said that they could've helped her by bringing her food while she waited for someone to come and rescue her.

After some other arguments, they sticked up to Jotaro and Abdul's plan.

Since Alex started her dive early in the morning, it was just late afternoon in that moment. The sun was close to setting, but it was still there making light and making warmth.

And since it was hot, she decided to take off her wetsuit and to remain just in her bikini. Polnareff was immediately fascinated by her smooth legs, and so he started being his flirty self; making the other sigh and laugh.

Their time together on that island passed with talking, laughing and knowing eachother. All good memories.

She slept on the sand and even if she told the mermans that she will be alright during the night, they insisted on taking turns to stay with her while she rested and recovered.

The next evening, fortunately, Alex was rescued and brought to her crew.

The young woman and her dive buddy made peace with eachother and they promised to not make any other mistakes in the future.

But it wasn't a goodbye for Alex and the mermans, since they promised to see eachother again.

And as it said, it happened.

★★★★

Idk about you guys, but the draw that I've made + knowing that they looking at Alex layed on the sand kinda reminds me of this photo

And I've said everything. Have a good day >;)

[set-phasers-to-whump]

delirium

prompt: delirium

whumpee: illya kuryakin

fandom: the man from uncle

hi! some background info - this fic is set when they've been partners for a while, they've got an apartment together in london because why the hell not. you could read this as romantic though i feel like it's more an on-the-way-there type deal. more important note though is that a lot of the dialogue is in russian bc i felt like that makes the most sense for the situation - like, idk about you, but if i'm really sick i'm not gonna be speaking in a foreign language. plus i just wanted to write some russian dialogue lol. i am far from fluent and did need to look up a couple words so if anything sounds wonky i apologize. i've got english translations in parentheses next to everything, but please lmk if that's annoying or if you think there's a better way to do it. i think that's everything, hope you enjoy!

Up until now, neither Napoleon nor Gaby has ever come into contact with a sick Illya. He’s been injured plenty, sure, and he’d been hypothermic that once, but he’s never been sick. He’d insisted to them, once, that he simply did not fall victim to illness.

They’ve now been made very much aware of the fact that this had been a lie. The illness had hit him quickly - he’d been ever so slightly off in the morning, brushing off his partners’ concern, and now, early in the afternoon, he’s delirious with fever.

--

Gaby and Napoleon had gone to the store to get some groceries, leaving a mostly-fine Illya to leaf through a battered copy of a book that he’s read at least a dozen times before. And now they’ve returned to find him standing in the hallway of their apartment building, looking utterly bewildered. His cheeks are bright pink, and he’s sweaty but shivering at the same time. Clearly, he’s sick. 

Gaby and Napoleon share a look before ushering him inside. His skin is hot to the touch and he most uncharacteristically puts up no resistance to their guiding hands. Napoleon steers him in the direction of the couch, and he and Gaby hurry to the kitchen and make quick work of putting away the groceries. 

They head back into the living room after not more than two minutes and find Illya most definitely not on the couch, instead pacing around the room, looking left and right like he’s searching for something.

His eyes land on them, bright with fever. “Где я? Где я?” (“Where am I? Where am I?”) he demands, stopping his pacing in favor of standing stock-still and looking at Gaby and Napoleon with startling intensity. 

Napoleon figures sticking to Russian is probably the best bet considering his partner’s current mental state. “Ты в нашей гостиной, в нашей квартире, в Лондоне,” (“You’re in our living room, in our apartment, in London,”) he explains. 

“В Лондоне? Нет, нет, мы не в Лондоне, мы в…” (“In London? No, no, we’re not in London, we’re in���”) Illya trails off, evidently not sure of where it is that they are, if not in London. 

“Илья. Это хорошо. Мы в Лондоне, мы -” (“Illya. It’s okay. We’re in London, we’re -”) Napoleon pauses, just for a second, not sure of the truth of what he’s about to say (or at least, the truth in regards to Illya, in regards to Gaby. It’s perfectly true for him, though). “Мы дома.” (“We’re home.”)

“Дома?” (“Home?”) Illya sounds confused, concerned. Maybe that was the wrong thing to say, Napoleon thinks. Home is almost certainly a more fraught topic for Illya than it is for him. He corrects himself. 

“Или - не дома, но…ты в безопасности.” (“Or - not home, but…you’re safe.”)

Illya looks doubtful, but he relaxes slightly. He at last wanders to the couch and sits down. “Я устал,” (“I’m tired,”) he mutters, stretching out as though he’s about to go to sleep. The next second, though, he apparently thinks the better of it. 

“Нет, нет, нельзя спать, у нас есть миссия,” (“No, no, I can’t sleep, we have a mission,”) he says, half under his breath. At this entirely incorrect revelation, he begins to try and sit up, struggling valiantly - but to no avail - to get to his feet.

“У нас нет миссии,” (“We don’t have a mission,”) Napoleon promises, stepping forwards and gently pushing Illya back into the couch. “Можно спать.” (“You can sleep.”)

“Да?” (“Yes?”) Illya immediately stops trying to get up, suddenly pliant again.

“Да. Это хорошо.” (“Yeah. It’s okay.”)

Apparently this is reassurance enough. Illya’s eyes drift closed, and he falls asleep almost immediately. This is perhaps the strangest thing he’s done yet. Napoleon has never seen Illya fall asleep before - he’s always the last one awake, and Napoleon gets the sense that he doesn’t fall asleep easily, under normal circumstances. Now, though, he’s out like a light the second he closes his eyes, and Napoleon is at once glad (because it means Illya can finally relax) and worried (because this isn’t normal, none of this is). Gaby, evidently, feels the same way.

“I have not ever seen him fall asleep so fast.”

“He must be feeling pretty bad. I’ve never seen him like this.”

“What should we do?”

Napoleon thinks for a moment, rifling through his memories. “A cool cloth might help with the fever,” he suggests.

Gaby nods. “My father used to do this when I was young. And he would make tea. We definitely need tea.”

An idea stirs in Napoleon’s mind. “I know just the right kind. And while we’re at it, we might as well make some soup, too. I’ve never known anyone who didn’t like a bowl of soup when they were sick.”

Gaby nods. “What kind of soup?”

“It has to be chicken,” Napoleon says. He doesn’t think there’s really any other option.

Fortunately, they have plenty of food in the kitchen. Napoleon gets to work gathering ingredients, and Gaby tiptoes back into the living room to place a cool, damp cloth on Illya’s forehead.

She returns to the kitchen quickly, stopping at the sink to wash her hands. “He is still asleep,” she reports. “What can I do to help?”

A few minutes later, the both of them are chopping vegetables, chatting about nothing in particular and every so often casting worried glances in the direction of the living room, though there’s nothing to see since they’ve kept the door closed to try and muffle the sounds of their cooking. 

Eventually, the soup is bubbling away on the stove, and Napoleon is explaining his tea idea to Gaby. He recalls having learned of an old Russian remedy for illness, tea and raspberry jam. He’s never tried it, himself, but he imagines it can’t possibly hurt.

“Will it really work?” Gaby asks, even as she rummages through the pantry in search of the jam. 

“I have no idea. But it might be comforting, at least.”

Gaby nods in agreement, then triumphantly pulls a jar of raspberry jam out of the back of a cupboard. There’s no shortage of tea in their kitchen, and she selects Illya’s favorite, a simple black. Napoleon fills a kettle with water and sets it aside, and they settle in to wait for the soup to be done.

About an hour later, the soup is very nearly finished, and Napoleon finds himself quite glad to have made such a large quantity, because it smells wonderful, if he does say so himself, and he’s sure that the three of them will have no problem finishing it all. 

“I’ll start the tea,” Gaby decides, grabbing the kettle. “Go wake Illya up.”

Napoleon pushes through the kitchen door, stepping into the dim evening light of the living room. Illya is still asleep on the couch, lying on his side and curled up slightly, the cloth slowly slipping off his forehead. His cheeks are still pink, but the color is fainter than it was before, and although he’s still sweaty, he’s no longer shivering. 

Napoleon reaches out and gently shakes Illya’s shoulder, pulling the now-warm washcloth away from his forehead and touching a hand to his damp but significantly less hot skin. 

“Илья.” (“Illya.”)

Illya’s eyes open slowly, and he blinks several times, clearly doing his best to focus. They’ve lost their bright, almost manic quality in favor of a clouded, tired look, which Napoleon supposes is probably better. 

“Что,” (“What,”) he says flatly, apparently displeased at having been woken up. 

“Я и Габи приготовили суп. Ты хочешь?” (“Gaby and I made soup. Do you want some?”)

Illya considers this statement for a long moment. “Какой суп?” he asks, at last. (“What kind of soup?”)

“Куриный. У нас также есть чай. Черный, с малиной.” (“Chicken. We also have tea. Black, with raspberry.”)

Illya nods, and Napoleon retreats back to the kitchen, promising to be back quickly. 

“So?” Gaby asks, the second Napoleon steps through the kitchen door. “How is he?”

“Better, I think. No longer completely delirious, at any rate. He says he’ll have some soup. Tea, too.”

“Good,” Gaby replies. “The water is almost boiling, and the soup tastes done.”

“You tried it without me?” Napoleon asks, feigning offense. 

Gaby shrugs, smiles slightly. “It’s good,” she offers in defense.

At that moment, the kettle whistles. Gaby deftly snatches it off of the stove and distributes the water into three mugs - she and Napoleon have both decided that they need to give this tea a try, too. Napoleon, meanwhile, gathers the bowls and locates his favorite ladle.

A few moments later, they’re all in the living room. Gaby is curled up at one end of the couch. Napoleon has pulled over an easy chair. Illya has managed to sit up - stubbornly refusing his partners’ help, which is the best indication yet that he’s feeling a bit better - and is leaning against the armrest at the opposite end of the couch from Gaby. 

They sit and eat in a comfortable silence. The soup is good, as Gaby had said - not that Napoleon had had any doubts. Illya says nothing about its quality, but he finishes his bowl with remarkable speed considering the fact that he is clearly exhausted. 

The tea, too, seems to be a hit. It’s not the best thing Napoleon himself has ever had, but Illya had looked quite pleased when he’d first taken a sip, proclaiming it to be pretty good, for an American and a German. 

Eventually, the coffee table is covered in empty bowls and cups. Illya has shifted so that his entire body is curled up tightly on the couch, his head lying atop the armrest. His eyes are closed, though he’s not quite asleep yet. Gaby has picked up a magazine from the table and is leafing through it with too much speed to be paying attention to its contents. Napoleon is observing the both of them with a frankly embarrassing amount of fondness. Everything is still silent. 

Or, it’s silent until Illya, clearly about a second away from unconsciousness, mumbles “спасибо,” (“thank you,”) and then promptly falls asleep.

“Пожалуйста,” (“You’re welcome,”) Gaby and Napoleon respond in simultaneous whispers, though Illya is already asleep. They glance at each other, and a sort of unspoken understanding passes between them. There are dishes to do and food to put away, but for now, they will simply stay.

i know the ending could have been better but what can i say...simply a fact of life. anyways thanks so much for reading, i hope you liked it!

[eremiie]

Hello there I really like your writing and I was maybe wondering I can get some angst of a cheating eren who break his s/o heart

yes you can!! i shed a few tears writing this bc i was listening to sad music & thinking, but i hope you enjoy, i am not the best at writing angst😪!

cheers to you - eren x reader

in which eren breaks your heart and you have no choice but to move on.

tw; crying, heartbreak ig idk

2.5k words | angst | modern au

"okay."

you pushed at sasha's phone, you didn't want to see anymore. you were trying to suppress your tears, refusing to cry in front of your two friends.

sasha took one more look at the photos before swiping out of her camera roll, looking back up at you with a frown, hitch likewise. "_____, are you okay?"

and you hated when people asked you that. you thought you were doing fine, you thought you could keep everything down but you simply thought wrong. you croaked out the smallest sound, but before you could even get a word out the tears began to spill, your eyes becoming bleary with the suffocating liquid and the suffocating feeling surrounding your heart. you felt so dumb.

hitch rushed to your side pulling you into a hug until your head fell against her shoulder, body going limp besides the soft heaves that would leave your shuddering body. the pictures of eren were embedded in your head, replaying in your mind, constantly on repeat and you wished to think of anything else that wasn't clawing at your heart like the photos lingering in your subconscious. it was all you could see, almost like a photo album; eren's hands sat on some random girls waist while she straddled him, his jaw slacked open as she ground against him, whoever taking the photo catching her mid grind. his eyes were half lidded if you remembered correctly, reddening, he must've been high.

you couldn't tell if that fact alone hurt you less or more.

your mind swiped, another photo with the same blond haired girl, this time her hands cupping his face and his hands gripping her ass while they engaged in a kiss that you wished was chaste. you were repulsed that your lips had met his in almost the same manner before he left for that party the same night. more sobs left your poor quivering lips, hitch's grip around you tightening as she tried to shush your sobs and cries.

sasha's hands ran over her face as she shook her head clear disappointment evident as she watched you and hitch.

"what did i do wrong?" you gasped for air finally pulling away from hitch, the only body part connecting with hers be your hands that she clasped so delicately as if, if she squeezed too tight you would break. "my heart hurts, it hurts, it hurts," you babbled as tears fell from the bottom of your chin and the bridge of your nose, your eyes were puffy and swollen. "this hurts so bad," you conveyed your emotions through words another gasp leaving your lips.

"you did nothing wrong," hitch reassured rubbing her thumbs against the surface of your hands. "he's just an idiot."

"it's gonna hurt, and that's okay," sasha scooted forward from her position on the floor laying her head in your lap and you knew she was right but god, you didn't want it to hurt. you wanted the pounding in your head to stop, the recurring thoughts to stop, the salty tears streaming down your cheeks to stop, i mean you wanted someone to tell you exactly where you messed up so you could go back and try again.

"do you want us to stay with you tonight?"

you looked down at the side of sasha's face, one of your hands letting go of hitch to comb through brunette hair, and the lazy bun in the back of her head seemed all too familiar already, the way a couple of flyaways framed the front of her face had you covering your mouth, repressing a gag with your palm, sasha whipping her head around to confront the source of the sound, worry on her face, but you squeezed your eyes shut, even the furrow in her brow reminding you all too much of the boy.

"______?" hitch's arms were back around you but you quickly pushed them off feeling the rising feeling of your breakfast you had not too long ago, rushing to the trash can in the corner of your dorm letting your remnants spill from your stomach. the feeling of throwing up felt so foreign to you, you couldn't even remember the last time you did it, and to some degree you wished your heart came up with it.

hitch's mouth parted in the slightest not even sure what to say but the anger behind her eyes was apparent. "baby, i'm so sorry." was all she could say in response while your body crouched beside the trash can, your hands slipping from the rim until they were palm first on the floor, slowing turning into fists.

"i wanna be alone for a couple hours." you managed to utter with a sniff.

"you sure?" sasha asked, standing up awkwardly with hitch reciprocating. you nodded your head and it felt like everything was going in snapshots, them walking to the door, the door opening and their bodies disappearing, your figure laying back in your bed and then the next snapshot didn't come, sleep had came so quick you didn't even have time to process it.

❈ ❈ ❈

your eyes fluttered slightly and you relished in the heat over you for a minute. your mind felt like a clean slate for the time being, as your eyes opened to the bed next to you, sasha's figure vacant from her bed. you remembered asking for some space before you left but you thought she'd had return by now. it was dark, but it couldn't have been too late as orange rays from the sun were attempting to shine through your curtains, making you assume that it was just around seven, the sun setting soon. but you craved the warmness that was around you a little more, pulling down to reach for your blanket, until your body froze.

the hand wrapped around your waist, much like in the photographs engraved in your brain twitched and that same sickness felt like it was resurfacing yet you dared to move, tears brimming again subconsciously.

"eren," you mumbled under your breath.

"hm?" oh, so he was awake.

your face scrunched up in agony at the sound of his voice, your eyebrows coming together, your eyes shutting and you biting your lip so hard the taste of blood collected on your tongue. "please," your breathing began to thicken again, you wanted to move his arm but your body was almost stuck in place. "move."

eren groaned against your back, nose nuzzling into the back of your neck and you mentally cringed. "get out," you said abruptly, body jolting at the sudden movement and you felt him still behind you. how did he even get in? and then you immediately regretted making an spare dorm key and giving it to him only a couple months into your relationship. "get out, get out." you finally regained some self control, your body slithering from under his until your arm touched the floor and you crawled away from your own bed. "go, what are you doing?" you lashed, his gingerly stare making you aware of the tears cascading down your face again.

eren stared back at you finally lifting his head up from the spare pillow that he always slept with when he spent nights with you, the pillow that stayed tucked away on your bed and the same pillow that you'd have to wash and get rid of that stupid recognizable cologne he wore, the same cologne that would linger on most of his clothing that you owned. "_____,"

"no, leave, please leave, i can't do this."

eren seemed genuinely confused, sitting up completely now and scooting forward until his legs dangled off the bed. "baby, what's-"

you winced at the nickname and clutched at your stomach, feeling the emptiness inside from the lack of food, yet you still felt the urge to dispel anything inside of it still. "please leave." you almost felt lightheaded, you felt as if you weren't being heard and you were sick.

the significant sound of the dorm keycard slot beeping until sasha's figure came back in, "_____, i left the key hear but luckily i had a keyca-" her voice slowly died down as she studied the scene of the dorm, your body on the floor away from your bed and eren's figure sat on the same bed, both pair of eyes now looking up at her."

"what the hell?" sasha stormed over to eren grabbing his arm in a feeble attempt to pull him off of your bed. although she wasn't strong enough eren did stand up, mainly because of your pleas for him to get out just earlier. "get out! she doesn't want you here, weirdo!" sasha exclaimed pointing towards the door clear anger flashing in her eyes. "and don't just come in here uninvited again!"

those green eyes that would unknowingly keep you up for nights after today kept that confused gaze on you as he walked around you and made you feel stupid and small. we're you overreacting? were those pictures just your imagination?

"_____..." eren mumbled before looking at your frame on the floor once more.

“get out!” sasha exclaimed.

you weren't sure if he was just that dense or he was hiding the fact that he knew exactly what he did. the door shut and you immediately began crying again, this time harder. wails of pain escaping your throat. your cries were loud and full of pain. you clutched at your shirt as if to grasp at your broken heart.

"oh my gosh." sasha dropped her keycard and bag onto your bed where she still stood and got on the floor with you pulling you as much into her lap as possible. you felt fragile in your hands, her gripping at the sweatshirt around your body. she listened to your cries, responding with "i knows," and "mhm," as if they were telling her a story, simply listening to the aching noises that were leaving you.

"sasha," you finally mustered the courage to speak a few words again, although they resembled your words from yesterday. "i'm hurting."

"i know, i know."

"i loved him." you blinked so you could see a little clearer, lifting your head to look at sasha, bringing your hands to either side of her head, your thumbs stroking her jaw. "i thought he loved me? why? why?"

sasha couldn't bare to look at your sad, damaged eyes and instead pulled you back against her chest. although your sobs died down she could feel the convulsing of your body and opted to hold you for as long as you needed.

“does he even know what he did? does he even know how much pain i’m in right now?”

sasha couldn’t even answer that question. by the looks of it he didn’t, maybe he was high? under the influence? but either way you didn’t have the courage to confront him about it.

instead you spent the next couple of weeks sulking, mending to your broken heart and staying out of eren’s way, no matter how many times he tried to communicate with you. it seemed as if word got to him on what he did, sasha getting connie to talk to him, and as angry as eren got there was no denying what he did, especially with photo evidence.

your phone blew up with his own pleas begging for forgiveness, begging for you to talk to him, to come back, to do something.

but you were fragile, and you knew that even being in his vicinity would tear you apart bit by bit. you didn’t want to weep in front of him, you didn’t want to be in front of him in the first place, nor did you want his pity.

did you want to get back with him? the question still pondered on your mind constantly but both sasha and hitch refused to let you, and they were perfectly fine with the situation going unresolved if it meant better for you.

"so?" hitch pointed the straw of her frappucino at you. "i really think you just need to try exploring your options, just living a little. you can go to the next party with sasha and i, i promise we won't mind."

“hitch i want her to go to a party too but i don’t know about her getting with anyone.” sasha swirled the stick inside her latte to mix it up before sucking the liquid off the end.

now it had been a few months since you had seen eren, a few months since you began to heal yourself slowly compared to those first couple weeks. you had to really thank hitch and sasha for being there most of the way for you, and you had to especially thank netflix and sleep for being two of your greatest distractions.

you never officially broke up with eren, sure you saw him in the hallways (and you were certain he saw you as well) you had a couple lectures with him where the two of you would sneak glances at each other; which kind of reminded you of when the two of you first began liking the other. he never made an effort to speak to you after the first couple weeks when he would text your phone constantly, as much as it seemed like he wanted to still.

"i don't know hitch. i haven't even got rid of his stuff yet. they're still sitting in that stupid box in the corner of me and sasha's dorm." sasha nodded in confirmation taking a bite of her biscuit.

"but i don't think that box should stop you from getting out the house again. you haven't really been anywhere besides maybe target with sasha. plus i miss seeing you!"

you rolled your eyes with a slight chuckle. "you see me at least three times, especially when... you know, you came like everyday at first."

hitch shrugged her shoulders and then took another sip of her drink. "but do you think i can start seeing you more is the question? c'mon this is the first step towards a new life without that bastard."

you pondered on the thought before a small sigh escaped your lips, and you slowly nodded your head.

"really?" hitch exclaimed, her hands reaching across the table to grab yours. "you mean you won't mind coming to the party this saturday?"

you narrowed your eyes at hitch. "this was your plan wasn't it?"

"yes, yes it was. but there's no backing out now."

"yes, hitch, i'll come to the party this saturday." you decided that maybe this would help your healing heart in the least and you would try to push aside the boy that broke it for the couple hours just to spend time with your friends. but you couldn't help and wonder, "what if i bump into him at the party? or he tries to talk to me?"

sasha looked at hitch and hitch looked back before both turning their eyes to you. "we can be with you the whole time if that's the case."

"i wouldn't want to ruin your fun."

"babe, hanging out with you is one of the points of bringing you, ____." sasha smiled.

you internally twitched at the mention of the nickname ‘babe’ but neither one of your friends seemed to tell. you were getting better with reacting to things that reminded you of him, and you didn’t hysterically start crying at the slightest mention or object that related to him.

"we got you, okay?"

you frowned slightly but gave sasha a smile back and squeezed hitch's hand in the slightest. "yeah, okay."

this was the beginning of a new life for you, you wouldn’t spend your days sulking after him anymore. cheers to you and your first big step forward.

[giaourtopita]

Hiii! I was wondering if I could request an MC who is getting used to being a demon? Like they keep breaking doors, and ripping clothes bc of their wings

the brothers with a demon mc

thank you for requesting! i just did the brothers but send me an ask if you'd like the undatables too! i slightly referenced this post, you can check that out too but you don't have to because it still makes sense.

warnings; slight angst, mc calls lucifer a bitch in satan's part, fluff(ish), mild self-esteem issues in asmo's part, gn mc.

*mc died unexpectedly, they were young and their death couldn't be explained, which was what hurt their boyfriend and friends the most. he was in pain and in desperation for a miracle but he knew it wouldn't happen. his love was dead and he had to accept that.*

*he saw them a few weeks after their death, to say he was happy would be an understatement. he was beyond grateful he got to be with them after all. when mc came closer to him, he noticed small horns sprouting from their forehead. it didn't make sense to him but his darling was there so it didn't really matter.*

*he didn't think that a human such as mc could become a demon but apparently there have been recorded some cases where a human that had a pact with one of the most powerful demons can in fact become a lesser demon themselves and live in devildom instead of hell.*

*the transition from human to demon was hard for mc, it was painful as they were developing new limbs and muscles as well as horns. their partner has to help them with the pain, control their new abilities and also teach them how to change forms but of course he was happy to help if that meant that his sweetheart could be with him.*

lucifer

- mc was with lucifer the whole day during r.a.d., it had only been a few days since the two reunited and both were ecstatic about it. lucifer took care of mc's pain in the morning by applying some sort of healing cream on the base of their wings as well as on the skin surrounding their small horns.

- the pain was coming back and it was much more sharp than the one in the morning. it was getting too intense for mc to handle so they subconsciously turned into their demon form and stretched their wings in order to get some relief.

- they turned into their demon form, startling everyone including lucifer.

- "darling, what happened?", he asked them while looking around at the other demons and signaling them to not stare.

- mc told him about the pain and he took them home after telling lord diavolo what had happened.

- "lord diavolo will set up online classes for you so you can be more comfortable while transitioning."

- lucifer gave them a massage while using the healing cream and gave them a gentle kiss between their horns.

- "i'll teach you how to fly once you're not in pain okay?"

mammon

- he and mc were hanging out in mammon's room, mc was very playful despite the fact that they were in pain the whole time.

- mc took mammon's jacket and his glasses and started impersonating him. mammon thought they were very accurate with their impersonation and was trying not to laugh, which he failed.

- "mc you look really cute in my jacket, you know that?", mc started blushing so hard that their wings popped out, tearing apart the jacket.

- "i'm sorry, i didn't mean it. i promise i'll get you a new jacket."

- "hey mc, it's okay. i know ya didn't mean it. how are you feeling?", he gently touched the base of their wings making them squirm in pain.

- "i'll go find some pain relief spell okay? just wait here, lay down if it gets really bad.", mammon felt bad leaving them alone right now but he went to satan's room to ask for a spell to help his former human.

- he came back a few moments later with the spell, tended to their needs and gave them a soft kiss on the forehead.

leviathan

- mc and levi holed themselves up in levi's room watching anime.

- levi was so prepared for their transition that he had ordered a pain relief potion for them so they could be more comfortable watching anime with him.

- mc remembered how levi used to wrap his tail around them whenever they cuddled and they wanted to try that too since they also have a tail now.

- levi agreed and showed them how he does it. mc turned out to be a very fast learner and managed to get it right the first time. they reluctantly wrapped their tail around levi's right side while laying on his left.

- levi started the anime they had recently started watching, it was a new shonen anime and the episode they just started watching was a pretty intense one as it was part of a battle arc.

- mc began feeling stressed on the behalf of the protagonist, levi noticed this because they started squishing him with their tail.

- "mc, i know this is a really stressful episode but could you stop squishing me? i understand that you can't control your tail yet but it really hurts right now."

- mc felt bad and apologized immediately to him. they shifted back to their human form so that they wouldn't hurt levi anymore.

- "hey, once we're done with this episode i'll teach you how to deal with the tail okay?"

satan

- satan was also very prepared for their transition, he had done some research and had healing creams, pain relief spells and potions within his reach at all time.

- mc was very well taken care of as satan always went a bit overboard with both the pain relief and the healing process, he hated seeing mc in pain so much that he even found them a diet to follow so that their tail would grow faster and the pain will be over sooner.

- "lucifer is a bitch", mc said angrily while getting in satan's room not being careful enough they transform into their demon form and yank the door causing it to break in half.

- "oh no, i'm sorry", they apologised. "i'll fix it i promise."

- "it's okay don't worry about that now, he is but what happened?"

- mc explained to satan that they wanted to go to the grocery store for some snacks but he wouldn't let them go unless one of the brothers accompanied them.

- "you're a demon now so you're much safer than before, but i think the reason why he's not letting you go unaccompanied outside yet is so that you don't destroy anything."

- "here i'll teach you a trick i still use when i get angry to keep my tail from hitting everything.", satan moved closer to them and stood behind them, he took their tail gently in his hands, moved it downwards and started wrapping the tail around their thigh.

- "it will take a while for you until you're able to wrap the tail without using your hands but this will work for now. you're not in pain, are you?"

- "yeah, i'm fine. thank you", mc smiled at him and then looked down to see that he also transformed into his demon form to show them how he does it.

asmodeus

- "oh sweetie, it's okay i think i can fix it. don't worry!", asmodeus said while looking at the new blouse he just bought for mc.

- mc got upset at themselves because they didn't want to ruin asmo's gift with their stupid wings. it made them feel stupid. how hard is this supposed to be?, they thought to themselves.

- asmo noticed how they felt, after all being around so many people at the same time made him more understanding than the average demon.

- "you know, if you feel bad about your wings don't. they're beautiful and it doesn't matter that you can't control them yet, it's only natural that you can't do that. you weren't born with them so it's okay, if it makes you feel better i can't really control my wings either, i can make them sit in place but i haven't really found a way to use them because they're pretty small and i was born with them. don't worry, you got it!"

- once mc felt reassured, they asked him a question, "maybe i could ask lucifer to help us both with the wing stuff, if anything he must know the most since right now he has two pairs of wings and before the fall he had three."

- "mc, this is not a bad idea. he might get a little annoyed at the beginning but once we figure it out we will basically give him an excuse to be proud of something so he will also gain from this. mc you're a genious, that's why i love you~", he told them before giving them a boop followed by a kiss on the tip of the nose.

beelzebub

- beel thought it would be a good idea to get mc to actually work out with him now that they're a demon like him.

- he brought them with him to his fungol practice so they could have fun together, mc always wanted to try playing fungol but since they were human it was dangerous but now they can play.

- he told them that they would play in case someone couldn't come to practice or had an injury.

- before practice beel thought them a few tricks so they could keep up in case that got called into the field.

- and they did, one of beel's teammates got sick and couldn't attend practice. it was finally mc's time to shine.

- they shifted into their demon form like the rest of the players and they were able to use all of the tricks they were just taught from beel. they even managed to use some techniques other players used in this practice game and in official matches they had watched prior to becoming a demon.

- all was well until mc kicked the ball using too much force causing the ball to be land outside the field.

- mc immediately apologised and ran to go get the ball and beel followed them.

- "i'm sorry beel, i can't really control my strength yet. i don't think i should be playing fungol yet."

- "it's okay, the rest of my teammates are okay with it, i've talked to them before and your slip ups gives them more time to slack off during practice."

- "oh, okay. thank you!", mc kissed him on the cheek. and the two started walking towards the team again.

belphegor

- "i can't sleep", mc complained again while rolling on the other side in belphie's bed for the tenth time.

- "why can't you sleep mc?"

- "mammon said that demons can last longer awake than humans, so maybe it's that but since i'm with you i want to sleep but i can't. can you use your power to make me sleep?".

- "i don't want to use my power like that on you, maybe you just need to relax and then you'll be able to fall asleep."

- mc thought about it and maybe belphie was right.

- "i think i can last for about two episodes of one of beel's cooking shows before falling asleep, we could watch one of those so you'll relax."

- "that's a great idea, i'll go get the controller.", mc brought the controller which was on beel's bedside table and chose an episode in which they were baking cakes.

- they lied down next to belphie and put their head on his chest.

- "thank you for staying awake with me."

[catzula]

Change

a/n: this is a lil brain dump bcs I've been really inactive lately, sorry!! I wrote it in one sitting and I dint really know how I feel about it but yeah

warnings: toxic relationship i think? But its resolved in the end. Angst, miscommunication, anger management issues, conflict, break-up, but as I said, resolved in the end.

honorable mentions: female reader, 1.9k words, not proofread

Katsuki Bakugou.

Many might think he's an open book, a simple, hotheaded boy with anger management issues. He doesn't know any feelings other than anger. He can't understand others' emotions, doesn't care. 

They were right about him being bad at controlling his emotions, but everything else was false. Bakugou had never been a simple person, and it was rare he met someone who truly understood him. You, for instance, were the only one that had come as close to understanding him, but no one could ever understand someone fully, could they?

Still, ever since he had met you, Bakugou was trying to change, or he liked to think he did. You did, too. 

You tried to ignore those times it became apparent that he couldn't, didn't, wouldn't. As much as Bakugou tried to prove to you that he was giving it his best to try and change, there were times that proved it incompetent, not enough, and even a lie.

But you always did your best to forget, suppress the thoughts. It was near impossible not to when Bakugou came back to you, an apology hanging from his lips -although never spoken-, warm hands pulling you to him for a hug. 

He's trying to change, you repeat to yourself. He's trying to change.

You think of the last fight you had and shiver as he lies on you, eyes droopy with sleep, nuzzling his face to your neck as you rub soothing circles on his back. The way his back rises and falls steadily makes you smile. 

It was gradually getting worse, the fights. 

As the months passed and exams approached, Bakugou became even more jittery. You felt your heart sink as you remembered his spitting words, "you're not even in the hero course! How would you fucking know how I feel?" But you did. You knew your boyfriend far too well, and even though you weren't experiencing it firsthand, you could see how stressful it was for him.

"Stop fucking babying me!" He had shouted when you tried to approach him, to get him to calm down. "Can't you see I'm trying to change? I'm doing all of this for you, and you keep asking for more- I-I'm doing it for you, okay? I'm trying to become better, so stop asking for more!" 

You weren't asking for more, that, you wanted to say. You were trying to-to help.

"I don't want you to do this for me, if all the reason you're changing is for me, stop! I want you to change for yourself, not for me!"

That was unfair, how he was looking at you like he hated you, like he wanted you to disappear.

It's okay, you tell yourself. Katsu's with me now, in my arms, calm, promised me he would try to get better. 

And he did, too. He always did. After a fight, Bakugou became the kindest person you knew, treating you like fragile glass, showing you love in his way. And it always led you to think. This is it. No need to worry anymore, you tell yourself when he kisses you softly, oh, so- so softly that you're sure there's no way this man that's holding you like this would ever hurt you ever again. Never. 

That never is never longer than a few days, though. 

In a few days' time, he- Katsuki forgets. The spite comes back, the snarky comments fitted in his sentences, the slight anger in his eyes. Why is he so angry? That, you can never tell. He's furious with you all the time, even when he himself doesn't know it.

"Katsuki?" You whisper meekly, and his eyes flutter sleepily. "Do you love me?"

Yes, he wants to say, I love you more than I love myself. But it's a soft grunt you get as an answer. 

It's okay, though, since you understand it well.

~

"Tell that extra to bring my shit back." It's a gruff sentence voiced with a fury that tears you away from your thoughts. 

For a second, your heart leaps. It's Katsuki! But the feeling sinks quickly. "It's Bakugou to you." You remember when he told you that, you remember too well the way he spitted the words as if he had spitted them on your face, a lump appearing in your throat quickly. He's not talking to you, rather about you, and it stings even more. You're the extra now, an extra that has his belongings in their room and nothing else, and he can't even tell you to bring them himself. Kirishima does it for him.

A half a bottle of his perfume that was never successful at suppressing his sweet smell. 

A sweatshirt of his that he knew was your favorite. 

A pair of socks, pencils and some other pieces of clothing, the usual. 

A full, newly-bought bottle of his shampoo.

For some reason, that last one hurts more than anything else. It's not the shampoo itself, rather the fact that it's new, that Bakugou bought it just a few days ago when breaking up was never a thought. 

Why did you break-up? It's very complicated. So complicated that you don't know it yourself. But you do know that he's angrier than ever, with you even more, for some fucking reason. He can't stand the sight of you, you know, he knows, too.

Bakugou himself doesn't know why he's so angry at you. He was the one who broke up, so what gives him the right to feel like this? Why do his hands clench into fists with the sight of you? His heart beating twice as fast with fury, head dizzy, his teeth clench, he can't breathe, a tightness heavying on his chest. With anger, he repeats. All these feelings are because he's so angry with you. 

The day you knock on his door, a soft thump audible from the other side of the door, Bakugou knows you brought back the box of his belongings, and he wants nothing more than to open the door and pull you in. But what is he going to do after that? He doesn't know. All he does know is that the lump in the back of his throat is because he's holding back angry shouts. His eyes are stinging with tears that are caused by anger. There is a feeling boiling in the pit of his stomach that makes him feel sick, but it must be fury.

Why did you leave it to the door? Couldn't you have waited for him to open it and look at you for once? Do you hate him that much? 

You have the right, too. 

~

Bakugou hates to see you cry. 

It's so annoying, he decides one day, as he catches a glimpse of you crying in your friend's arms, hugging them, telling them how much you missed Bakugou as they rub circles on your back. 

"He never deserved you, anyway." He hears them say. It makes you cry even more.

Seeing you cry always makes him feel angry, Bakugou decides. 

~

The way he discovers the reason for his anger is in a rather sick way.

All it takes is for him to see you laugh. 

It's spring, the winter you broke up is over, the feelings aren't, though. 

You're laughing, and you look so pretty under the tree, body swiftly shaking with laughter that doesn't seem to end.

Bakugou knows you like spring, and he notices it's been more than a winter since he last saw you laughing like this. Even before you broke up, he realizes you hadn't been laughing as you did now. That realization stings. You always laughed, smiled when you were with him, but it had a tinge of bitterness that never seemed to go away.

For the first time, it doesn't anger him, but it hurts. 

Somewhere inside, Bakugou had always been able to sense your bitter melancholy. It's a feeling you felt even when you were the happiest, but he just hadn't realized it. Like pieces of a puzzle, every other realization starts dawning on him too. 

He was angry at you because you always made him feel like he could never make you happy. All he could do was make you cry, you cried and cried, whenever you were with him, and it made him feel so frustrated- he hated it, he hated, hatedhatedhatedhatesyou.

But it wasn't you, it was never you Bakugou was angry with, but it was Bakugou himself. 

Bakugou hates himself for never being able to make you happy.

Bakugou was never angry at you, he realizes. He was heartbroken. All those times he thought it was fury he felt when he saw you- 

People think Bakugou doesn't feel anything other than anger. 

They're wrong. 

Bakugou feels many other things than anger, but he doesn't know how to differentiate them. 

~

The next time you meet, there are two changes you realize about each other. 

It's a cold night, another sleepless one you let yourself feel everything you suppress during the day. You don't expect to hear footsteps approaching you, it's the dead of the night and very cold, but you freeze when you take note of the sweet smell the sound brought with it.

You can't speak, do anything other than raising your eyes that are wet with tears to see if it really is the owner of your heart.

"We need to talk."

You don't want to, but you missed his voice more than you thought, that you're unable to leave. 

But it's the moment your eyes meet with his blood-red ones that you realize why he's here. For the first time in a long while, there isn't a trace of anger in Bakugou's eyes. 

He looks sorry, and that night is the first time you hear him apologize to you. 

Despite how much he wishes it was, this apology isn't the last.

Bakugou is flawed. He will and does make you cry, maybe more than anyone else. He knows it, and you do too. But love is a strange thing, and it took him years to realize that you would rather cry your heart out than be without him.

So this time, when he takes you between his arms and lets you cry, two things have changed since the last time you both were in this position. 

1: You noticed that this wasn't going to be the last time you cried because of Bakugou.

Throughout your relationship, you hoped, prayed that fight you had was going to stay the last, it never was. This way of thinking was flawed, damaging the relationship as much as the fights did. Bakugou could feel your growing sadness, dissatisfaction, fear that you were going to fight at every smallest disagreement you had, and they did nothing but make him angry, turning the conflict into a full-blown fight.

2: Bakugou wants to change. And not for you, but himself. 

He wants to be a better person. He always did, but it was only because you asked him to. He wanted to be better for you, and it was the only thing he could think of whenever you told him he had to change. Its pressuring, made him insecure, made him feel like anything he did was never enough. But this time, right then as he envelopes you and pulls you into his embrace, Bakugou wants to be a better person. Not for you, not for anyone else. He just wants to be better, and he will start here. 

[magireco]

Would love to hear more thoughts on how these girls have understandable teenage motivations (A+ tag analysis by the way)

1. Thank you!!!!!!

2. ALRIGHT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (shuffles my papers). i’ve gone off about homura’s motivations in depth before but i think it was only in dms/groupchats? anyways i’ll go in order with All the girls bc i think about this all the time as a teenager who grew up mentally ill and had their perceptions skewed because of it, and also i don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough for the others, at least on my blog... so, buckle up!!! this is REALLY LONG!!!! 

3. i tried writing like, an individual thing for every member of the quintet all together in this one ask, but i ended up talking a little too much about homura and now i’m going to split up all the different analysis stuff for each character into the reblogs and work on it every so often! you’re free to kinda skim of course because i really did write a whole novel but here we go!! read under the cut. :3 this is literally essay length btw. i did NOT expect it to get this long but if you want to read it all i’d recommend it but i don’t expect most people to

First: Homura Akemi

okay so i’m going to kind of summarize everything but from the perspective of empathizing with her so if you don’t want to reread a whole recap you can skip to the ending few paragraphs

Summary

first of all, in episode 10, homura’s past is explained for the viewer. she was a shy, unsure girl who had been bedridden for a long time. she was clearly unsocialized, not to mention she went to a catholic school and those can be brutal, esp in japan... that’s all we know about her in that episode, but it’s revealed in one of the drama cds that she was bullied as a child(& further at mitakihara middle), her parents never were mentioned ever (i assume them to either be dead or neglectful, considering she lives alone and unchecked), and in magia record, homura says to natsuki that she’s never had friends before, she hasn’t been on vacation before until the beachside bonds event, hasn’t ever celebrated valentine’s day, has never celebrated new years, etc... 

clearly, she’s missed out on a lot not only because of her sickness and hospitalization, but because of her isolation as a child at school. judging by her demeanor and the way she reacts when madoka comes up to her without being asked to, something like that had never happened to her before. it’s clear to me that madoka was many of homura’s “first’s”, her first friend, the first person who reached out to her, the first person to compliment her name honestly(validating her, disproving her dislike of her name), the first person to regard her so kindly rather than judging her based off of her appearance and demeanor (like other students had apparently done, this is also shown when the other students at mitakihara middle make fun of her for being tired after only being able to run one lap). AND, madoka (and mami, but homura knew madoka better at that time) saved her life, even though homura was so willing to die, just in that moment... i’d assume it made homura feel like someone believed in her even when she was at her worst. it’s really clear by the glimmer in her eyes that these are nice people that made her feel happy and welcome... and then walpurgisnacht came. she didn’t know much about magical girls and just believed in madoka and mami to be able to defeat the witch because she saw them as strong and saw the witch as defeatable, despite its size. and then mami died, right in front of her and madoka... 

this kinda seems headcanon-y when i phrase it this way but it’s practically proven in her actions but i really think homura is scared to be abandoned, especially by someone who was as overtly kind and nonjudgemental to her as madoka... it’s in the way she cries her name and says “don’t go” before madoka runs away to fight walpurgisnacht. OH ALSO, i need to address this one thing really quick because people like to assume that homura didn’t care about mami from the beginning and only liked madoka. it’s not that she wasn’t sad when mami died, she was clearly terrified and didn’t want the same to happen to madoka, also mami LITERALLY WASN’T IN HER CLASS OR HER GRADE so i assume she spent most of her time with madoka considering they were in the same grade and class and probably shared most of their periods with each other... but also, once again, mami is older than both of them and homura probably saw her as more of a mentor/teacher that she needed to impress rather than madoka who was more on her level, i guess?

anyways, moving on... homura had to see madoka die (& experience the crushing guilt she felt for “letting madoka go” even though there was nothing she could’ve done) and literally says “i’d rather you had lived than saved someone like me” ... her self worth is below zero. she makes her wish to be strong enough to protect madoka(because she sees madoka, her first friend, who saved her life which she felt had no worth, as so strong and noble) which causes her to go back in time, etc. etc., you know the deal. okay before i move on to talk a little more abt the timelines and the personality change i’m going to address why it’s reasonable that she’d be attached to madoka.

i mentioned before that homura said herself that she had never had a friend before. just like, put yourself into her shoes for a second. this girl has no idea how to make friends; it was never taught to her. it’s literally rational that she’d get attached to her first ever friendship. it’s not “normal” the way she views madoka, but how could it be? this is her first time having a friend, she’s afraid of being abandoned by her, but she’s had to see her die over and over again anyway. she doesn’t want to lose madoka. even if she doesn’t go about it in the right way, there’s no way she would’ve actually known how to Do relationships. no one taught her. i think that needs to be empathized with more...

i kinda feel like i need to summarize all this just bc if i word it right it kinda reminds you & puts into perspective just how terrible and scary all of this was.

anyway Again, i would skip straight to the end of timeline 3 (where a New Flavor of trauma is given to homura) but i need to first address timeline 2 for a second. it was homura’s first time repeating the timeline, she trained with madoka and mami again, she was still hopeful despite what happened, etc. kinda just bonding further with madoka Again... and then it’s at the end of this timeline that she watches madoka turn into a witch, just in front of her very eyes... and realizes the true fate of magical girls. when she resets the timeline again, it’s up to her to start anew and break the truth to the group when she sees them again. when she tries telling the truth, sayaka immediately shoves this aside, claiming homura was just trying to split everyone up. it’s clear that that hurts homura. (also the little shinies in her eyes were wavering which is anime-code for sad) her feelings were immediately disregarded by sayaka and she couldn’t defend herself, but madoka did for her, and mami tried to diffuse the situation. 

after they all find out homura was right when sayaka turns into a witch, mami kills kyoko and ties up homura in her ribbons and aims a gun at her, and this, rightfully, ignited a fear within homura... madoka is forced to kill mami in order to save homura, leaving only the two of them to fight together. then, when walpurgisnacht comes that time, The Promise is made... madoka tells homura to go back in time and save her from becoming a witch (because she doesn’t want to curse the world that way, she still sees beauty in it) and homura agrees, saying she’ll never stop until she saves madoka, and then... homura has to mercy kill madoka before she becomes a witch. she cries loudly and shoots madoka’s soul gem... it’s literally so heartwrenching and (usually) brings the viewer to tears, or puts something into perspective for them...

then we assume the personality change happens in the timeline right after. this personality change causes a lot of discourse because sometimes it’s seen as kind of irrational, but personally, i think even moemura had at least SOME resent for the world around her considering what she’d been through. it’s madoka’s repeated deaths that finally push her over that edge. i could get further into the coolmura arc but that’d take a WHILE, so i’ll just kind of explain something briefly though -- why homura ended up becoming even MORE focused on madoka. and i’m also going to debunk the claim that homura doesn’t care about her other friends as fast as i can before moving on.

also, ONE LAST side tangent, for those that think homura really did do a 360 degree personality turn are wrong. it’s shown explicitly in homulilly’s labyrinth that there’s this... “core” homura, a shadowy purple silhouette with braids. every time the series depicts homura’s internal self, it’s always glasses+braids, symbolizing her “child” self, who she truly is. she never stopped being that person. she doesn’t want to kill. ...but i can get into that in a rebellion analysis later! this is also shown in wraith arc bc the person inside her soul gem has glasses+braids. anyway let’s get to the next part i’m going to rant about

Homura’s Love for Madoka, but Otherwise Apathy

homura has seen many different, yet all similar, versions of her friends. the first claim i’m going to talk about which i saw brought up quite a few times before is in regards to homura and mami. first of all, homura absolutely still cares for mami, and not just in the “i only care about your life if it affects madoka’s” way. one part that always gets me is when mami ties her up in the series timeline after homura frantically warns her that this witch isn’t normal, to which mami IMMEDIATELY brushes this off, without even giving homura a chance. then, when mami’s ribbons fade away, homura looks horrified and just goes “oh no...” and it’s kind of obvious to me that it was in response to mami’s death rather than madoka’s reaction. this is arguably up for debate i guess because i’ve seen different takes on that reaction and it’s ambiguous, i guess? but i’m about to get into something extremely similar and that’s the sayaka situation, where madoka throws sayaka’s soul gem onto a moving car. homura gasps and immediately pauses time and disappears, running in literal open traffic and climbing on top of a moving car to retrieve sayaka’s soul gem. one could argue that this is ALSO only just because homura wants to save madoka (and kyoko) the fear, but don’t you think her expression would be different? if homura truly didn’t care for sayaka’s wellbeing, wouldn’t she be making an expression more similar to like, “oh, this shit again...” instead of the frantic one she was making in the scene? this kind of thing Also happens when kyoko asks homura to leave while kyoko’s about to sacrifice herself in oktavia’s labyrinth, and homura looks up sadly at kyoko and then back down at madoka, and once she knew kyoko was dead, she just quietly said “kyoko...” to herself. she usually refers to them as [last name, first name], but she dropped that during that moment... it otherwise sounds like a bare minimum thing to do, but keep in mind the timeline we’re shown in the series is implied to be like, the 110th timeline, i think? like, this is the last timeline, she’s worn down, but she still does have empathy -- or at least sympathy -- for the others. she still loves them. 

homura promised to be madoka’s protector, she dedicated her life to her, and also she doesn’t have a choice not to dedicate her life to her anymore, even though that’s not fair to her... homura is in a really hopeless situation and madoka is her hope, and madoka is the one that judges her the least out of the quintet (like saying “i’m sure homura is good” to herself) upon first impression. also okay i mentioned this already in my last post (which you saw) but i’m going to bring it up one more time, homura is not mentally 26!!!!!! she is still 14 mentally!! in order to be 26, you have to have experienced 26 years of new life experience. maybe you acquire that through school, maybe you aquire that through friends, whatever it takes. but homura just repeated the same month over and over, and it’s not like her body (canonically) ages ever. she just kind of gets transported back into her body in the hospital again considering she’s back wearing her braids and pajamas... so, yeah. no mental development there. i also mentioned this here but i’m gonna say it again, that just makes it even harder for her to actually age correctly... it stunts her to 14. imagine being 14 for 10-11 years...

In Defense Of My Own Claims

btw before you think i’m just going full-on radical homura apologist, i’m not explaining all of this to be like “homura made ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS because her trauma gave her an excuse!!” because like, Obviously, she did a lot of bad things, she killed people, did a lot of callous things, a lot of thoughtless things, a lot of things that make her seem emotionless, etc. but i just have trouble blaming her considering how things ended up, and it’s not like she enjoys killing people. she’s not sadistic... she ends up becoming short with all the others not only because of her (extremely) weakened trust in them, but also because the amount of times she repeated the timeline. i’d imagine it makes her feel like the others can’t truly die because she can just go back and see them again. (this is also why wraith arc/post-tv series must’ve been hard for her because she can no longer turn back time, things are permanent now, deaths are forever) she’s become so worn down that she’ll do anything to escape the loops... also considering she has no choice but to continue? although it shouldn’t be, it’s technically her job as a magical girl to defeat all witches and walpurgisnacht counts. it kills magical girls and tears up the whole city and she’s usually the only magical girl left... her choices, when defeated, are either to give up and die or to go back and try again, and she made a promise to her first ever friend to do just the latter... i just don’t understand how this isn’t easier for people to comprehend, that all of this trauma and stress and responsibility on top of an already traumatized 14 year old does not mix well. ever. she had to figure out all of this by herself.

TL;DR:

homura was a previously traumatized, unsocialized 14 year old with (very)low self esteem & self worth whose first friend (and first love, really, let’s be honest) died in front of her in horrific ways and she watched as she (and the other friends she came to make) drifted slowly apart from her in her endless and futile attempt in saving her from what proved to be an inescapable fate. also she’s 14 and also she’s (canonically) mentally ill and a lesbian. not a monster, not evil, not “psycho”. and that’s that!

[chrisevansgoodgirl]

you got a fetish for my love, i push you out and you come right back

summary: the softest man in the world is in love

warnings: nick is a warning. how dare he. smut. smoking (but we’re trying to get him to stop). some of that daddy shit bc ugh, that beard.

word count: around 5,320

pairing: nick vaughan x reader

a/n: let me tell you, it is weird writing nick one second, the softest, sweetest man, and then switching over to ransom, aka satan.

“You shouldn’t be smoking.”

The man with his back to you turned around, arching an eyebrow. “And why is that?”

You brought your hands up to your waist, looking as confident as you could possibly make yourself look. You didn’t have a mirror on you, but you would bet it wasn’t very convincing. “Um, second-hand smoke. Third-hand smoke. Not to mention what it could do to you.”

Moving closer, he took another brief drag. “And what’s that?”

You huffed. Really? You were going to reach way back into your 8th-grade health class memories for that. “Lung disease, it can cause cancer, like, everywhere, heart disease—”

“But you’re already taking care of my heart, angel.”

You fell silent at that, frowning.

He continued to close the gap between you. “What else?”

“It’s bad for your skin,” you asserted, tone firm despite how close he was getting. “Causes wrinkles.”

“That so?”

You nodded, refusing to step back as he stopped mere inches before you. “We wouldn’t want anyone to think you’re my father.”

He smirked, dropping his cigarette on the floor and stepping on it with the toe of his boot. Boots that were far too expensive to be stepping on cigarettes with. Hell, he shouldn’t even have been outside with them. “No, we wouldn’t want that.”

Your gaze moved off to the side and finally, you stepped away to create some distance. ‘You said you were going to stop, Nick.”

“I know, I’m trying.”

“Try harder. I’m being serious, okay? People die—”

He moved back in front of you and took your chin in his hand, forcing your gaze up to his. “I’m working on it.”

“If you really care about me, you’ll stop.”

“I’m gonna stop,” he promised. “Soon. Come on, don’t give me those eyes.”

He loved your eyes. He had to have told you about a hundred times by now, claimed he liked the innocence in them that never seemed to die out. No matter how many times he took you up to his hotel room and fucked you in every filthy way he could think of. Sure, it was pretty sick sometimes, but he always touched you so softly, whispered the sweetest things to you, and held you afterward.

Your eyes could make him do just about anything, he would often declare. Except, apparently, stop smoking.

“Come on, I’m sorry.”

You crossed your arms, pulling out of his hold. “You’re only sorry you got caught.”

“No, I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“And don’t be sorry to just me, be sorry to yourself. I think you need healthy lungs for your music career, right?”

He lifted his eyebrows, still amused at how serious you were being. No one in New York took smoking seriously.

“Also, you ever stop and think about what would happen to me if you weren’t here?” That was a little on the sneaky side. You knew that there was the overall scenario of you being lonely, but he would soon start to think about how that would mean you would be with other people.

He scoffed, feigning calmness. “No, I don’t. I don’t want you to, either.”

You didn’t need to hear it, you knew he could connect the dots. “You are forcing me to.”

“Angel, what’s all this about?” he wondered. “Why are you being such a brat?”

“I’m not being a brat,” you immediately protested. Even though you knew he didn’t mind, there was just something in you that twisted at the thought of being bratty. You were not trying to be argumentative even, you were just worried.

“You want daddy to spank you?”

You looked around with wide eyes. Not that anyone in New York had the time or interest to listen to anyone else’s conversations, but still, this was private. “Nick.”

He tsked. “Nick?”

You sighed, casting a look around. “There are too many people here.”

He chuckled. ��No one’s listening, angel.”

“I’m not being bratty,” you muttered. “I’m just concerned about you. Since when is that a crime?”

He smiled, reaching his hand out for you. You didn’t waste any time nearly wrapping your entire body around his arm. “What do you want?”

You were not getting away this time, he was also in a mood. Evidently, since he usually spoiled you to the point of letting you get away with “misbehaving” if you apologized or feigned discomfort.

“Take me upstairs, daddy.” It was hardly above a whisper, but it thrilled him to no end that he’d managed to get you to call him that outside of the absolute comfort of the bedroom.

Nick liked you feeling safe with him. He’d never met a more trusting soul, someone almost naive. However, it had taken him a long fucking time to get that sincere trust from you. He picked up on the body language, the things you wouldn’t say. That was why he could give the date for the night you finally let him fuck you with the lights on, the night you finally stayed with him until morning, the night you finally gave him your number because he had convinced you to sneak away from your dad to meet him at the hotel and you had to get back home but you still wanted to talk to him. He could give the date for the first morning you woke up and put on one of his shirts, the morning you let him eat you out for the first time, the morning you let him fuck you against the hotel window.

He wrapped his arms around you and started to lead you inside. It had been almost a year now and you were obsessed with Nick. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, and he was kind and gentle, but also passionate and sometimes a little rough when he knew you wanted him to be. It was never mindless, hard fucking. Even when he made it hurt, he held you so close, so tight, his eyes would remain on yours the whole time. He would wipe away your tears and continue bucking his hips. He would whisper to you, coo at you, and make you fall apart until you were so exhausted you couldn’t keep your eyes open.

You were pretty sure you were in love with him. He would be the first. Sure, there was your first boyfriend who you had wanted to be your first for everything. He’d given you a promise ring and told you that he wanted to wait until you were his wife. That one didn’t end well. Your third boyfriend, you thought that one was real. You’d had sex with him, and then he completely disappeared. To this day, you had no idea where he was. But you knew now, those things you’d felt for them, they were so small, so weak. What you felt for Nick was consuming, you felt like every inch of you belonged to him, like you were made for him.

In the elevator, with an elderly couple, an older man, and a party of four younger women that looked like they were on their way to a club, Nick had his lips to your ear. “Angel, I’m gonna fuck you until you’re crying. You know I love those sounds you make and the look you give me when you just can’t take anymore. When your beautiful, little cunt is used and aching and dripping with my cum. But that’s only after I have you on the bed, wet, squirming, begging daddy to make you feel good.”

You felt like you were on fire. If anyone heard, you would be mortified, you would never be able to leave your house again. Things like this were supposed to be private, between the people who were doing it. Nick had the audacity to make some of it almost public. You would admit that there was the tiniest bit of thrill, but most of it was fear and panic.

He touched the side of your face and you startled a little, one of your hands coming up to settle over his forearm. “Jesus, you’re beautiful and so fucking…innocent.”

You were not innocent. You weren’t even sure what he meant by that. Ever. When he said it, you were confused each time.

“The thought of your gorgeous lips wrapped around my cock, trying to take all you can because you’re so good to me, those eyes staring up at me…”

You swallowed thickly, eyes moving to the elevator buttons. How many more god damn floors were there? The elevator stopped again seconds later, and the elderly couple got out. Fewer people but you still didn’t feel any less nervous.

“Afterward, your sweet, tight pussy will be dripping. You know how wet you get after you suck my cock.”

Embarrassingly wet. He was fascinated the first time you’d done it, then he laid you out on the bed and when he made the discovery, he ate you out until you could barely remember what year it was.

“Then I’m gonna have you on top of me, angel. You’re so good at it, I swear you were made just to ride my cock. Remember what you were begging me for last time?”

You remembered and instantly felt your skin burning all over again.

“Maybe I’ll fuck your—”

The elevator stopped on your floor and you rushed out. The group of girls was also getting out, creating some time for you to get away from Nick and breathe. He was always intense, and he never stopped pushing you. You didn’t necessarily hate it. Really, you knew you liked it, but you could never admit that to him, his behavior would just get worse.

He found you with your back pressed against the door, waiting patiently for him. He’d been staying here for several months; he had the same room because he’d wanted to give you a key. For emergencies, he claimed. If you ever needed a place to get away, even if he wasn’t home. It had only happened a few times, he wouldn’t say a word when he would find you bundled up in his bed. He would just join you under the sheets and make you come several times, at least.

He set his hands on your hips and you looked up to him. “What’s on your mind tonight?”

You woke up that morning just knowing. You were in love with Nick and you were terrified. You didn’t want to be in love, not with him. With his music career taking off, he couldn’t want something serious. You figured this was just him wasting time. When he was an established name, he would go out and find himself a proper partner. It wasn’t you, this shy, small thing with no backbone, terrible parents, and no solid plans for your future.

But why ruin a good thing? You wanted to let it last while you could. You smiled at him and shook your head. “Nothing, really. I missed you.”

He smiled back. “I missed you, too.”

You didn’t live in New York with your father, but you had been visiting a lot more frequently. Your father was thrilled about it, thrilled enough not to want to question it. Your mother took it as an insult and didn’t ask a single question about why. It was honestly the perfect crime.

It had only been three weeks since you’d last been with Nick, you were allowing for less time to pass in between the nights you spent with him. You once went a month and a half, how unimaginable that felt—you knew you wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. You would go crazy without him being able to touch you for six weeks.

“You could stay,” he pointed out. “Here. With me.”

You scoffed. “No, I can’t.”

“You could apply to NYU, I’m sure you’ll get in. You could start building your life over here. If not with me, why not live with your dad?”

This was getting serious and you were worried this conversation would wreck everything. Nick thought he wanted something, but only because he was scared. You didn’t want to uproot your entire life for something fleeting.

“I don’t want to talk about this tonight,” you said quietly.

“Okay. But we will. Later.”

You nodded—a lie. You wouldn’t even be with him much longer. You had breakfast you’re your dad and then you would be on a flight back to your mother’s. “Yeah.”

Smiling, he asked, “Well, what do you want to talk about?”

You shrugged. “I don’t want to talk.”

He hummed. “No? You don’t have more scolding to do?”

“I can wait,” you teased. Your eyes flit to either side just to make sure no one was around. “But right now, I just want you to touch me.”

He bent down just slightly to pick you up by your thighs. You eagerly wrapped yourself around him and pressed your lips to his, kissing him like it’d been years.

He struggled to open the door, but you didn’t seem to mind that you could get caught at any moment, you seemed completely distracted by him. That was his goal, make your time here so good that eventually, you just wouldn’t be able to leave him.

Finally, he managed to get you inside the room. You had it all memorized, even with your eyes closed you knew exactly where he always was. He was leading you down the hallway, past the kitchen and the living area, to the door at the end of the walkway. Past the bathroom, past the dresser full of sheet music and records.

He laid you out on the bed delicately, pulling away so he could stare at you. You moved to pull your skirt up, but he caught your hands in his. “Not yet.”

He started at your feet. He pulled off your shoes and began kissing your calves, a touch that felt so distant through your tights.

You whined. “Daddy.”

“You’re going to be patient, angel.”

And that was that. You never argued with him, rarely disobeyed. You were perfect, you were good. You were, as he so fondly called you, an angel that did everything she was supposed to do. Not just for him, but for everyone. He knew that about you, knew that you never liked to make trouble for anyone. Even your dad, who had been almost completely absent during your childhood, off chasing his current wife. Even your mother, who was mean, unsupportive, and childish. You were sweet as could be, well-behaved, soft-spoken, bright-eyed, and glowing. He thought you were perfect.

Biting your lip, paying close attention to how much you were moving, you watched in near silence as he continued to press his lips up your legs. As soon as his eyes flickered up to yours, your heart was pounding. There was a lot about Nick that you just didn’t understand.

You could look at yourself in the mirror and understand why people thought you were pretty, but of course, you did not think as highly of yourself as Nick thought of you. Alternatively, he could not do the same. He could not understand why you liked looking at him in the mornings, why you liked to trace his features with your fingers, why you spent so much time just kissing his face whenever you got the chance. You were baffled that he could look like that and not know what he did to people.

He blushed a lot. When you accidentally told him, the first time, that you thought he was beautiful—never again would you drink wine with him—and now, all the deliberate times after that. Because unintentional or not, you meant it and you wanted him to know. When you would take him in your mouth and he had his hands at his sides, leaving you to control everything, and when you took so much of him that you would gag and choke, he was permanently flushed. When he played for you, forget it.

He was at the hemline of your skirt and started pushing it up, kissing at the insides of your thighs. You bit down harder on your lip as he continued up, up, up until he kissed your pussy. Over tights and your panties, it was still good enough that you shuddered. You could feel his beard, some random hairs managing to poke into the open spots of your tights. It was a feeling that reminded you of being home, not with either of your parents now, but when they were still together in your first home. Nick was comfort and security, he was warmth and so much raw emotion.

You brought one hand up to press your fingers to your lips. You were so wet that you could feel the material against you was damp. He always knew how to do that to you, how to get you so wanting. And the neighbors always knew when you were there, they would play music because you were so embarrassingly loud, not that he was ever considerate about that. You just wanted to pretend you had some dignity, at least for a while.

He kissed across your thigh and up the side of your hip, back across until he could kiss down the opposite side. You remembered you used to hate when he would do this, when there wasn’t a part of you that he wouldn’t at least devote a moment of attention to. You didn’t hate it now, you noticed it made you a lot more confident. You didn’t care how tight a skirt was around your hips or that a skirt was so short that everyone could see your thighs touching. It wasn’t even his goal and it wasn’t dependent on his interest in you at all, but you knew he was the cause.

You often wondered if he looked at everyone like this. It really hadn’t been long, but sometimes you swore he might feel the same about you. You’d always wrote it off as your age, but how would someone his age honestly fall in love with you? And if he wasn’t, why the hell did he look at you the way he did?

“How many lives have you ruined?”

His eyebrows rose and he pulled his mouth away from you. “I’m sorry?”

“You look at me like that, you kiss me like that—”

“Like what?”

You rolled your eyes. Honestly, you weren’t sure how to put it into words. The last thing you wanted to do was accuse him of acting or pretending. That was one of the few boundary lines with Nick that was quickly established—he didn’t like analysis of his emotions. They were his own and he didn’t want anyone to presume that they knew them better than him. You truly didn’t mind. You’d come from a toxic environment of men who would sooner die than cry and couldn’t healthily express their anger if the world depended on it. “You know like what.”

“Yes, but I want to hear you say it.” He leaned back down, kissing either knee once. “But I won’t make you, I want you to want to say it.”

First time he’d ever taken that route. He teased you a lot, like challenging your views. And he liked those rare times you could challenge his. You’d both talked and talked until you managed to get to this place where you were both completely comfortable with what you were. He had to compromise on how casual this could seem at times, and you had to compromise on how obscenely intimate it was to you sometimes. And though you both compromised, it was still hard to see the other’s point of view. What was he so scared of with ‘casual’? You, on the other hand, dreaded falling for someone who couldn’t reciprocate.

He reached for your tights and slowly pulled them down. Again, he moved to where he was exposing skin and scattered kisses all over you. He deliberately got as close to your pussy as he could without ever touching you, several times, and enjoyed that you gasped and shivered each time.

He didn’t pull your underwear out of his way before he finally kissed you there. He went on like this, curious to see just how much you could take. You tried not to ask for more, to feed into his ego, and you succeeded for several minutes. You could feel his tongue and his lips, the texture of your panties was slight stimulation, but as time went on, you craved him more.

When you finally broke, your eyes were filled with tears, your hands were shaking as you reached for him, and you couldn’t form a single coherent word. Instead of pulling your panties down and eating your pussy, he moved up your body and removed your sweater and your bra. Again, he was kissing you all over, but you could hardly focus on anything other than your throbbing pussy.

“Daddy, please,” you whimpered.

He moved his mouth up until he could kiss your lips. He settled down on the bed beside you and pulled away, sitting you up a little. You took his cue and shifted up on the bed until you could rest on the headboard.

You watched as his hand reached for you, holding your breath until he was sliding one finger into you. “Fuck, daddy.” Your hips bucked almost immediately, silently begging for more. He added a second finger and you turned to hide your face against his chest.

He curled his fingers slowly, focusing on the sounds you made, the way your body would tense and shudder, and soon enough, he’d found that blissful spot that he knew made you see stars.

You clumsily reached for his pants, taking far too long to get your hands on his thick cock. You felt yourself get so much wetter, remembering just how big he felt inside you. Not that you were experienced when he’d found you, but taking his cock had been so delightfully painful and you kind of liked that he was the first man really stretching you out like that.

“Fuck,” he breathed against the side of your face. “Watch my fingers, angel, watch me fuck you with them.”

You turned down, paying attention to how they moved, and the wet sounds from your pussy. You slowly moved your hand along his cock, wanting—but too shy to ask for—him to cover your body with his cum. He preferred finishing inside you, he liked letting it drip out of you and then filling you back up all over again.

When your breaths turned shorter and your moans became louder, he knew you were so close. He moved his fingers faster, brought his thumb down to your clit. Your whole body was shaking, and he could feel how desperate you were because your hand around him tightened.

“You wanna come, angel?”

“Please, daddy,” you blurted out. “Please, please make me come.”

He pulled your hand off his cock and kissed you when you made a noise of protest. His opposite hand never even faltered as he explained, “Daddy’s coming inside you. Keep begging.”

“Please, I want to come, daddy. I want to come on your fingers, I want you to get me wet enough so my tight, little pussy can take your huge cock.”

“What a filthy mouth, angel. Where’d you learn to talk like that? Been watching the videos I’ve been sending you?”

“Yes, daddy. I watch every single one and I touch myself, thinking about how much I miss you inside me.”

“You have no idea how much I miss having your pussy wrapped around me when you’re gone.”

You finished with a sharp cry, using your free hand to try to push his touch away, but he was so much stronger than you. Add to the fact that you really didn’t want him to stop, if you could stay there in bed with him, feeling that for the rest of your life, you would.

You almost instantly rolled over on top of him, kissing him as you moved up his body until you were straddling him. He set his hands on your hips, holding you steady as you slid down on him. As you adjusted, he let his hands wander to your breasts. You were still shaking, panting, trying to come down from your high but you were addicted to pleasing Nick.

You rolled your hips, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. You needed to see him naked, coming here without seeing all of him would be an absolute waste. He helped you get the shirt off after a moment and your hands roamed all over his torso.

He took your hips again, using his hold on you to pick up the pace just a little. You let your head fall back, he would want to watch your body anyway. You brought your arms back and rested your hands on the mattress around his legs. He had to fuck you just a little harder from this angle to see your breasts move with every thrust, but you were okay with that.

You always knew when he was close because his fingers would dig into your skin and he always did everything he could to get as close to you as he possibly could. This time, he sat up and pulled you up so your chest was flush against his. You continued bouncing up and down on his cock, mewling and whimpering because you knew he loved those sounds.

“Are you close, daddy?”

“Yeah, angel, keep going just like that.”

“Tell me when you’re really close.”

He faltered for just a second, processing your odd request, but did not argue.

You set your hands to his face, dragging him in for a kiss, open-mouthed, tongues, moaning obscenely for one another. As he was distracted, you unwound his arms from your back and held them flat on the mattress by his forearms.

“I’m close,” he informed after turning his head just slightly, breathing heavily on your skin. “I’m so fucking close.”

You started moving quickly, pulling off of him and crawling back down the bed. He was stunned silent until you bent down and took his wet cock, messy from your pussy, in your mouth. You’d only just closed your lips around him when both of his hands settled on the back of your head to hold you down. He only needed to jerk his hips up a few times before he was filling your mouth.

He kept you there until his high had drifted away, and you never once complained. You swallowed the cum that you could, but some of his had slipped out of your mouth, and sucked softly until he let you up.

As soon as you were sitting up, he was wrapping his arms around you and pulling you on top of him. Still trying to catch his breath, it was clear that he wasn’t letting you go for quite some time. Because no one would expect Nick to want to cuddle after sex.

And because his brain was not functioning at its best, he was simultaneously attempting to kick off his pants and pull the sheets over the two of you. But you weren’t there to be unsupportive, you simply laid on his chest and tried not to laugh.

After he’d managed it, which had to have taken about five minutes, he turned off the lamp on the bedside table and stretched over to do the same on the other side. He once again wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head. “Fuck, I love you.”

You weren’t sure how to respond, so all you did was lay there. He didn’t miss a beat, he just started running one of his hands through your hair and then nothing. Not another word.

Fuck.

You only woke up because Nick was moving around so much. As quiet as he tried to be and as softly as he tried to move out from under you, he always failed at it. When he realized he’d woken you up again, he froze.

You grabbed one of the pillows and yanked it over his face as you climbed out of bed. You didn’t want to have to get up because that meant that you would soon have to leave. You grabbed your phone out of your bag on the way to the bathroom, not bothering to get dressed. Nick loved seeing you walk around the room naked, and that was why you always ignored that nervous nagging feeling that told you to cover up.

“Sorry,” he called out.

You didn’t respond.

After you brushed your teeth, you opened the door. You heard him moving around the bedroom as you were performing your simple morning skincare routine. He always did that, just waited until you were done so he could get in. He liked making you watch in the mirror.

And right on cue, Nick entered the bathroom, stopping just inches behind you. You didn’t turn, you merely watched him in the mirror and waited. He wrapped his arms around you, and you noticed the single red rose he was holding. He started at your lips, letting the flower trail down, then over your nipples, and down just above your navel.

You shivered when he pulled it away, offering it to you. With a smile you were looking down to hide, you took the rose from him.

He kissed the side of your face, arms wrapping loosely around your waist He pressed one hand to your stomach, and you were reminded of how much you loved his stupid hands. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“I’m sorry about what I said last night. I know it was…a lot.”

Yeah, it was. You’d built it up in your mind as some terrifying thing that you would never want to hear, especially from him, but when he said it, it just wasn’t like that. When he said it, it made you feel safe. It made you feel loved. “But did you mean it?”

“Only if you’re not going to run away.”

You finally looked up in the mirror, meeting his gaze. “Maybe I won’t.”

He arched an eyebrow.

“And maybe I love you back.”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe,” you confirmed. “And maybe I’m even considering staying.”

He perked up at that, turning you around quickly to face him. “Tell me what I need to do or say and I will.”

You brought the rose up and set it to his lips, smirking again.

He narrowed his eyes.

All you did was shrug. “Not sure yet, but you have all day to convince me.”

“I thought you were leaving today.”

You set the rose down on the counter. “Changed my mind.”

He was beaming as he picked you up and sat you on the counter. “That means you’ve already decided to stay.”

“I never said that.”

“I’m not letting you leave. Ever.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stop your smile. “I have to go home, you know…and pack.”

“I’ll go with you.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you smiled. “Probably a good idea to let my mom meet my daddy.”

“Please don’t make those jokes in front of your parents.”

You snorted. “Oh, now you want to be a gentleman?”

“Always am, angel. Open your legs and I’ll prove it.” He spread your thighs wider as he got down to his knees. He pulled you to the edge of the counter and with his eyes on yours, he took your pussy with his mouth.

“Fuck,” you gasped. “But this means you have to stop smoking.”

He pulled back, narrowing his eyes at you. “Now, seriously?”

You buried both hands in his hair and pulled him back in.

chris tags:

@onetwo3000 @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @donutloverxo @kleohoneyao3 @cevans-fics @gotnofucks​

[coredrill]

thots on roman holiday, spoilers for the whole book below!!!

oh my GOD sjjdbdnemakfjen the line on page 17 “you have a unique grasp of socioeconomics” is SO ROMAN FBSBSBDBSJAIDLD. i love it

INVISIBILITY CLOAKS???????

v funny that when roman is considering where to go after leaving mistral, he shoots down vacuo first. obviously he’s gonna wind up in vale bc Plot, but it just feels like the writer going I AM NOT WRITING ANOTHER BOOK IN THE GODDAMN DESERT lmao

interesting note abt beacon tuition on page 92. i wonder if this is actually canon for a few reasons:

how tf would ren and nora afford TUITION????

i wonder if the other huntsman academies have tuition??? like atlas i could see doing it and haven too. maybe not shade but idk.

does this mean scholarships are a thing??? is ruby on scholarship???? what even constitutes a scholarship on remnant????

idk they probably didn’t think this deep abt this joke line but IM GONNA lmao

y’all some of these names…brick??? mortar???? bisque????? burgundy???? roch szalt???????? KANDI FLOSS??????? that last one is peak stripper name meme ansjdbfnnebehd. this is just like in btd when they had to name a team fondue 😭😭😭😭 i think they’re officially running out of colors 😂😂😂

THE EMBLEM OF NEO’S BOARDING SCHOOL IS A TRIPLE SPIRAL?????? the gurren lagann of it all……………

very funny that both neo and roman poison people with sleeping pills. hashtag just bestie things <3

pg146 “to listen to their body and what it was telling them about their feelings (gag)” ASPEC NEO RISE!!!!!!!!!!

ok i May be stupid but i thought everyone had a semblance???? bc semblance comes from aura, and everyone has aura??? maybe it’s just people without activated aura who wouldn’t have a semblance (so like if pyrrha had never unlocked his, jaune would’ve never discovered his semblance???? idk) but i’m also fairly certain roman has an activated aura????

very fond of roman meeting neo and understanding her very easily. platonic soulmatism i think.

ok wait actually i kinda wanna elaborate. LOVE that roman’s whole schtick is that he’s had to look out only for himself his whole life and he doesn’t wanna be a babysitter while neo is SICK of being babysat and so they work well together. ALSO LOVE that BECAUSE roman’s had to look out for himself his whole life, he’s good enough at reading body language and filling in the blanks to know what neo’s saying even without words.

also. hang on. OKAY. so neo gave roman his hat and roman gave neo her umbrella and neo made them BOTH outfits. BUT THEN ROMAN DIES and all neo has LEFT is the HAT SHE GAVE HIM and she goes to HIS OLD BOSS to help herself get revenge AND ONLY THEN DOES SHE CHANGE OUTIFTS????? BITCH??????? CHECK OUT HOW HARD I CAN APPARENTLY CRY OVER THEIR FRIENDSHIP

(okay note on the previous bullet after actually finishing: not the same hat :( and also how did neo convince lil miss malachite to help her when she nearly blew her up??? money ig lmao)

i’m literally obsessed with this being a ya book so roman and neo can’t steal alcohol or drugs, they gotta steal COFFEE 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 LIKE. ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

also in love with how (just like every other rwby friendship!!!!) there isn’t any pointless drama. they trust & love each other and that’s that!!!! like roman’s told that neo sold him out, and despite that being consistent with the rest of his life, he knows that’s not consistent with NEO and sees that she’s come to rescue him so there’s no petty drama around it!!! bc he TRUSTS HER!!!!!

pg268 “neo blinked back tears and hugged roman. ‘hey. don’t wrinkle the suit.’ but he put a hand on her head and over her shoulder, and that felt more like home than that house and her parents had in a long time.” HELLO????? HELL LOOOOO?????? bro i am CRYING i’m gonna SUE

tbh i was really worried they wouldn’t get to hug in this book BUT THEY DID!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY WTFFFFFF

pg269 “her father threw up his hands. ‘do you know what she wants to say?’ he asked roman. ‘i do, actually.’ roman looked at her fondly. ‘i’m surprised you don’t.’” IM LOSING MY MINDDDDDD THATS LOVE!!!!!!!

pg270 “roman cleared his throat. ‘her name is neo.’” ALSKDJJREJNENFHCISOMENRJDIS BITCH

pg300 “he stopped walking. ‘while you get away. she’s mainly interested in me. drop this disguise and i’ll distract her. you get out of here. and never look back.’ she shook her head defiantly. he tried to pull his hand free, but she only held on more tightly.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

PAGE THREE HUNDRED AND SEVEN SHE KISSES HIM ON THE CHEEK AJDJFJEJENDNJDN KSIDOEOSPSKEJEHEBE. F THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP WINS AGAIN

okay okay so now that i’m finished here are my Actual thoughts alskcjejenbrhdisk:

i wish! that more of the book! was focused on roman & neo together and their friendship!! like i get that the first half was important bc they needed to show Just How Alone they both were before each other. but i would’ve gladly traded some of the beginning stuff for just a little more time with the two of them together. like maybe condense some of that and give us a few more anecdotes from their time training together?? just to show the development from wary partners to ride-or-die a little more. but idk. because the first half of the book felt a little slow for me but as soon as i got to the back half i could NOT put it down!!!!!!!!

i owe this writer (& the rwby writers ofc) my heart and soul and also probably my spleen. first cfvy, now roman & neo???? taking characters i didn’t have any strong feelings about but giving them personality and history and love and making ME love them???? AND WRITING FRIENDS/FAMILY SO WELL???? bro. BRO. i’m losing my MIND

ALSO. very excited for neo’s role in v9 now. and will also probably cry.

like. it would’ve been so easy for them to make roman & neo romantic. especially since there’s only like a 4 year age gap. but they DIDNT they let those two BE EACH OTHERS FIRST PRIORITY AND CLOSEST FRIEND AS FRIENDS AND I AM SO ECSTATIC ABT IT HOLY SHIT

[wondernimbus]

forgive and forget — harry potter

pairing: harry potter x female!reader

prompt: “kill everything dear to you and then you will know how it feels.”

t/w: mentions of death

a/n: this is set a year after the battle of hogwarts! wrote this at 1am n havent proofread it so chances are it sucks but i’m posting it anyway bc you only live once am i right folks

In the darkness and silence of a winter's night, the water is eerily calm—too calm, almost, with a foreboding feeling hanging over it. At the edge of the lake stands a girl whose heart has long since grown much too cold to feel anything but the wide, gaping void inside of her chest. She doesn't shiver; just stands there, holding her wand at her side, gaze fixed on the reflection of the moonshine against the shapeless water, waiting.

And waiting.

And when the figure appears from behind her—a loud, almost deafening snap in the complete and utter silence of the woods, she doesn't turn around right away.

Instead, she twirls her wand in her hand, frowning down at the lake as though expecting something to break through the calm surface and swallow her whole, carry her down into its depths and leave her somewhere deep, deep down, away from the rest of the world.

Thinking about it now, it doesn't sound that bad.

"Did you miss me?" are the first words that leave her mouth since having arrived there. Her voice is as dangerously calm as the lake. Just as foreboding—and it sounds like a warning.

But Harry doesn't heed it. Instead, he stands there, a mere five feet away, watching as she turns around, slowly, to face him.

The last thing he expects is for her to look at him the way she used to. He doesn't expect her to run toward him, take him in her arms, and hug him the way she used to, long ago.

Harry should be prepared for this. But when her gaze meets his and he makes out her eyes in the darkness, cold and unforgiving and void of any emotion, he can't help the way he sucks in a breath, how his heart clenches inside of his chest.

A strange chill settles over him. Sickness; something horrible swelling up in the pit of his stomach as he stares at the girl in front of him. It's not just the look in her eyes that is different. Her hair is cleaner. Shorter. More mature, tucked behind her ears and down her back. Without it framing her face, Harry's eyes are free to roam over the rest of her face, which is gaunt and sunken; there are bags under her eyes so deep he starts to debate whether or not he's looking at a corpse.

It's like seeing a memory that has haunted Harry for decades, when in reality it has only been a year. He knows that face like the back of his hand: her eyes, dark and barely crinkled at the corners. that nose, those careful lips. She is older, but so is Harry. She is a stranger in so many ways, but Harry would know her anywhere.

"[Y/N]," he breathes out, throat tight. His fingers grip even tighter around the wand inside his coat pocket. There's an undeniable sense of fear—dread—coiling around his heart. She stares at him, eyes still hard as ever.

And then her lips tug up at the edges. Her smile is bitter. It's the first real trace of emotion she has let slip, and Harry wonders if he should feel relieved that [Y/N] is still human and capable of feeling. Even if she is angry.

The worst part is that Harry can't blame her.

"I'm sorry," he says, voice barely a whisper.

The smile grows. Suddenly she's laughing—cold, harsh bursts of laughter with no real humor to it. Harry clenches his jaw, watching her. His heart is pounding erratically in his chest; he doesn't know if it's because he senses she's near and yearns for her, the person who it used to beat for, or if it's because it's scared of her.

Oh, how things have changed.

"Sorry?" she repeats, her laughter fading away into the night, replaced by a deadly sort of tension that now hangs above them. "Sorry?"

Harry feels sweat trickle down the side of his temple.

"You're sorry." Her voice is laced thick with equal parts mockery, disbelief, and anger. But even then her eyes are cold and blank as ever.

Since when had she gotten so good at hiding what she truly felt?

"I don't know what else you want me to say," says Harry through gritted teeth, hand tightening around his wand.

Her lips curl. She stares at him for a few moments, unspeaking, and then she nods. "You're right," she says curtly, turning once more to look at the lake behind her. "You know what, Harry? You're right. You killed my parents and walked away from it like it was nothing. There really isn't much else to say other than you're sorry."

He swallows. He can't feel guilty. He can't. "I'm sorry," he says again, unable to hide the way his voice trembles from frustration. Or is it fear? He can't quite tell anymore. "But I did what I had to do. They worked for Voldemort—"

"So you killed them," [Y/N] says, tone ominously void of emotion. "With no regard for their real motive. Without bothering to listen—"

"I had no choi—"

"And realize that they did it to protect their children." When she whips around, Harry sees that her facade of calm has slipped away completely—instead there is pure, unadulterated anger flaring in her eyes. "You say you had no choice but neither did they."

"They were Death Eaters," says Harry, taking a deep breath through his nose, sounding like he's trying to convince himself more than her. "It hardly mattered why they went to Voldemort's side. What mattered was that they did."

She scowls and takes a step forward. Angry eyes boring into his, she hisses, "Did it matter to you that I loved them?"

Harry's fingers feel cold, his neck too hot, the air pressing into him from all sides. He can't feel guilty.

He can't.

"It had to be done," he says flatly, fighting to maintain her gaze. He wonders if he's imagining the way her eyes seem to be glistening with tears. "I'm sorry. I know you loved them but it had to be done."

Harry is right; when she blinks and turns away, he doesn't miss the bead of liquid that rolls down the side of her cheek. All of a sudden he finds himself wanting to leave—to apparate away before he can hear any more. Because this is something that has haunted him for a long, long time, and even then, it is only now that he realizes he isn't quite ready to face it yet.

But here he is now, anyway, standing in front of the girl who once loved him and who he once loved—and maybe part of him still does, even after everything. But Harry knows better than to fool himself into thinking he can have her again.

Not after what he did.

Harry inhales. With difficulty, he keeps his eyes on hers despite the need to tear them away. To turn away and never once look back. But he has to do this now—it's his only chance to finally put an end to all the conflict that has been bothering him ever since he last saw her.

"I know it feels like you'd be turning your back on them if you moved on," Harry begins. This time his voice doesn't shake. "But they're gone. I'm sorry, [Y/N]—"

"Don't call me that."

"Your parents are gone," he repeats. He sees her trying to harden her gaze again—trying to build her walls back up—but she fails, lips pinching. Harry knows it means she's trying to hold her tears back. "They made the wrong choices and they suffered for it. I know what it feels like to lose people you love, but—"

"Do you know what the difference is between you and me?" she cuts him off. Her lips are trembling, angry tears spilling onto her cheeks. "It's that you picked yourself back up, even after you lost people. But I didn't. I haven't. And I don't think I ever will."

Harry feels his heart squeeze into itself inside of his chest.

He's fighting a losing battle. She isn't listening; she's too far gone.

"Do it again." Miraculously, despite the tears on her cheeks and the anguish in her voice, she still sounds ruthlessly angry. "Lose the people you love again. Kill everything dear to you again and then you will know how it feels."

Harry watches as she heaves in a deep, shuddering breath. He doesn't try to say anything anymore—knows that nothing he will say can ever truly heal her.

And with one last pained, scathing look, [Y/N] apparates away.

He never sees her again.

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