#last I checked bad habits are hard to break lol

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Okay, so, the ask about yandere platonic dick cheating and how the reader would react has me wondering; what would happen if the reader somehow found out that Dick didn't actually change and decided to go no contact, because they couldn't trust him or maybe because they just don't want to be around someone like that? Would that cause Dick to spiral more? What exactly would be the consequences of going no contact? (Like a complete cut off, although it'd be a bit hard to do that since they live in the same house)

(I was a bit disappointed to read that he probably wouldn't change, but it seemed realistic to me because habits are hard to break and everyone in the batfam is messed up. Although, I imagine after years of therapy or something similar there might be some sort of change. But, I doubt anyone in the batfam is getting therapy... except maybe reader)

Sorry yeah, i don't like to think Dick is actually a cheater or this shitty. I just like to humor different scenarios i get requested. But you cannot deny that this man is a messy whore. THIS IS THE FACE OF EVILLL

context

Look, cheaters are so sloppy. Even the ones who put the most effort into it are always bound to slip up. I imagine batsis isn't a fool. Like Richard...no way did you just go from being a serial cheater to suddenly being completely cleansed. You're an addict baby boy.

Like i said at first he's actually wanting to get clean for his baby sis and to be a good role model. I think it'd be very obvious to you that he's actually trying. He's irritable and really struggling to cope with the fact he has to put the phone down. You can see him obsessively checking his phone for what you'd assume to be a message or notification from one of his hookups. You can tell he's torn up about loosing his partners because he came clean about his unethical practices....

There's no hiding. This is such a deep seeded issue and it is really taking a toll on him. This is something like you said will need YEARS of therapy to fix.

So now Dick is trying to bullshit you a few days later...right in front of your salad! He's just sooo happy and he's proud about this new leaf turned????? Yesterday he looked like he was about to breakdown in tears because he'd been abstinent for just 48 hrs...and now he's glowing???

Dick, your patrol ended at 2 am last night...you came home at 6 am...please don't play with me rn.

not me getting heated. lol

He doesn't explicitly tell you he's back to his old ways. He's willing to keep lying his way into keeping you and this habit but it's undeniable. You know that his gf only forgave him because he lied to her too. It makes you sick when you saw the text of him telling her that he's busy with family and then left out for the rest of the day to go be with someone else.

Maybe you explode on him about it? Last time you were as nice as you could be about it but you cannot deal with the games anymore.

I liked to think in this scenario you're yelling at him and he's just still gas-lighting you, He throws every card to make you feel bad for accusing him. It absolute drives you mad. He's just so calm while you're are trying not to strangle him.

"Baby bat, i love you. I think you're just tired and are imagining things. You're convincing yourself that i'm still the old Dick because you're hurting...i understand and I forgive you. Maybe we should set up therapy sessions to help you let go of the past? Hmm?"

"YOU MOTHER FU-"

Ugh but i love him he's so fucked

The irony of him suggesting you therapy when he's the one riddles with mommy issues and the most insane coping mechanisms...

Dick isn't going to allow you to go no contact. You cannot go no contact with someone you live in the same house with. You are bound to interact and when you are dealing with someone like dick...it just won't work. The bat kids are extremely resilient and are well versed in making someone crack. You wouldn't be the exception.

More realistically you'd probably just be cold towards Dick. That's the best you can do. Not really responding to him and basically stone walling...

But i imagine this version of Dick to be much more forceful. He's done with your self righteousness. How dare you suggest moving out. That isn't an option because he needs to see his baby sister everyday. You are breaking up the family over this. You cannot cut him off because he's flawed...it's not that serious y/n. None of the other siblings are breathing down his neck. Maybe if you weren't so frustrating..he could actually become a better person. You are the one that is preventing him from being better with all your pressure!!

You packed your bags and are fully ready to walk out of this family for good because there's just too many wrong doings swept under the rug and here comes dick who is FUMING... He's trying to rip your bags out of your hands and grab you up..

You are not doing this to him. Stop being so-

Maybe your siblings step in and help you to leave. They help Dick calm down because they respect that it's your choice to live how you'd life.

Dick isn't stopping once you're gone. Especially if you're still in Gotham. There's a shadow that follows you where you go. Tons of messages and calls from unknown numbers. Even scarily enough..a blue toy bird left at your door with a small note that read

"Missed me, my little birdie? We'll be seeing each other again soon."

[torra-and-the-toons]

Here's a double whammy of after-BPS cute headcanons which I made up on the spot

As Sarah learns to treat Ed better, she starts inviting him to her games with Jimmy. It doesn't matter that Ed's older, he has plenty of fun with them regardless, and she slowly realizes she loves her brother deep down :) Eventually she even ends up joining him in cozy movie nights in the basement when Edd and Eddy aren't available.

Another one, Rolf asks Kevin to teach him how to skate and do tricks cause he likes it so much. He also gets his own bike so they can ride off into the countryside and have fun racing each other, the son of a shepherd deserves to break away from the usual grind every now and then.

Hope you feel better soon!

Ty mystic!!

Gosh I love these so much??

One day Sarah is suspicious by eds silence so she goes to see what he's up to. A quiet ed is much like a pet that suspiciously quiet: usually up to no good. So she storms down there to check it out and finds him slumped over on his bed, sad because edd and eddy are busy. Eddy probably had detention and/or is grounded while edd is doing homework at the library. She feels bad for him and offers him to join their game. Reluctantly, but she does it. Ed ends up making them laugh so much. Sarah can't remember the last time she laughed so hard with him. She starts to regret the way she's treated him over the years, and tries to actively make it a habit to include him if he's all alone. Ed sometimes makes them watch monster movies which scare Jimmy, but overall they have fun. They sometimes make him watch Disney movies as revenge but Ed loves them too.

... i realize this is basically what you said but extended, but I love it!!

And I love rolf and kev too!! I like to think rolf would try to impart some of his own knowledge onto kevin too! Like a "you teach me I teach you" tit-for-tat. On days when kev swings by when he's busy rolf will teach him about the things he's growing. Eventually Kevin will know more about produce than most people, and his dad is impressed when they go to the grocery store and his son can tell him all about the mighty rutabaga. Maybe Kevin even starts his own secret garden where he tries to grow his own produce to impress rolf. I could see him having a tomato vine lol.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Immaculate Mary | BODY BACK Update #2

Harrison's back, and he's only getting worse! <3

Let's talk chapter 2 of my novella BODY BACK. We're all about villain eras, unexpected developments, Mother Mary, Jesus thirst traps (yes...) & more. Check out update #1 if you missed it!

Post starts under the cut!

Unexpected developments

I'd already planned that Suzanna, Harrison's mother, wasn't going to be a major character in BB as she is in Feeding Habits. I didn't think we'd see her "on-screen" in BB, but when you get caught breaking into a stranger's pool & need your mother to bail you out...

Suzanna & Harrison

CW: child neglect, addiction

Suz and Harrison have SUCH a complicated relationship. They were once extremely close, but are now near-strangers. Having abandoned Harrison when he was a child amidst her own substance-abuse problems, Suz also never reconnected with her son after she got sober. She is only part of his life now out of fluke (the fluke is Lonan, who runs into her by chance in Moth Work--you can read that chapter update HERE though it's old!).

Harrison isn't sure what to make of their relationship. On one hand, it's a relief to have his mother back in his life because he's missed her (amongst other feelings) and also has a safety net when he makes bad decisions (chapter 1 lmao). But on the other hand, he's *extremely* resentful of Suzanna (and rightly so). At this point, they've only been reconnected for 2 weeks, and while Suz is trying to transition their lives together as seamlessly as possible, the last time they meaningfully knew each other was ~15 years prior (1990-ish), which makes this task, especially on Harrison's end, impossible.

This relationship is probably one of the most complex things I've ever written. It's hard to verbalize/describe it because at times it's irrational, frustrating, lovely, horrifying, hilarious, and comforting (and sometimes all at once). This culminates to a volatile emotional climax for Harrison that serves as the inciting incident for BB.

Immaculate Mary

We open "Immaculate Mary" with Harrison and Suz in the Bakers' bathroom (the couple whose house Harrison broke into). This chapter is about motherhood, yes, but also sonhood, and how Harrison believes his sonhood intersects with Suz's motherhood (and conversely, how Jesus' sonhood intersects with Mary's motherhood).

The title was just an inclination I had that addressed the chapter's holy and maternal themes. I was also aware this was a hymn, HOWEVER, upon writing this update (as in RIGHT NOW), I've realized this is a Catholic hymn I used to sing all the time in choir. So I guess I blocked that out?? LMAO

Scene A:

Suz attempts to blow-dry Harrison's hair which is soaked with pool water. This goes badly.

Scene B:

Desperate and unsure how to help her reckless son (lol), Suz drives Harrison to Eliza's apartment--where his ex, Lonan, now lives--in hopes he will talk to him. This also goes badly.

Scene B is *critical* here. Harrison isn't ready to face Lonan, even if that means merely facing the potential of seeing him. Suz rushing him into a conversation he isn't ready to have flips a switch inside of him. This is how we get to Chaotic Party Harrison, whose primary concern is A) forgetting and B) having a good time so he can forget some more.

The writing process

Writing this chapter was faster than chapter 1 because it's more action/dialogue heavy with longer scenes (it's also not as clean, lol).

I wrote a large portion of this chapter as a writing prompt for a class. The bathroom scene with Harrison & Suz was almost exclusively hand-written as a screenplay, so I had to adapt it. It was a lot of fun to have the dialogue/scene skeleton laid out, since it's not often I have a plan before going into writing sessions.

I similarly followed the circular plot structure I talked about in update 1. The "satellite" in this case was "mother/sonhood/mother Mary/Jesus." Mary x Jesus are critical to this chapter--not only does Harrison project himself onto Jesus, he also does the same to Suz, but with Mary. What does it mean to Mary to be the mother of the Messiah, and what does it mean to Suz to be the mother of Harrison? These are two questions we keep circling back to.

Excerpts

Guess who didn't share every single excerpt from this chapter so I actually have *some* new content??? :)

A plastic fantastic description of the Bakers' bathroom:

They stand in the Bakers’ bathroom. It vomits ‘under-the-sea’—a theme a child might request, but according to the living room’s unstained couch cushions and front mat’s lack of tiny shoes, no children live here. Perhaps Nash requested the décor. That might check out—a Ken doll on the outside dying to be coffined in his plasticky packaging, or in this case, plasticky bathroom. High-gloss cerulean walls. A clownfish soap dispenser. The toilet seat cover ridged into a lilac clam. A translucent blue shower curtain that flickers iridescent waves when you walk past it.

Here, we explore Harrison's psychology more overtly. Is he expecting to be yelled at--and why is that something he craves now?

In Suz’s body, Harrison expects rage. How far did she drive to get here? Honestly, he hadn’t tracked the length of the car ride when he’d hitchhiked. He analyzes her shoulders as she shuffles through the Bakers’ cabinet and emerges with a hairdryer, but she’s blanker than a blank slate—the empty air in front of God before he creates. If she’d only impale the wall socket with the dryer’s prongs. If she’d only grab his hair by the roots and hang him up to dry.

Harrison tracks the similarities of his and his mother's reflections:

Harrison stares at himself in the bathroom mirror. On his wrist: a gold herringbone bracelet Sadie hung on the key holder. In his ear: Lonan’s earring. His wet hair curls weakly around his ears, drips down his twiggy eyebrows. Last week, he caught his own reflection in the dishware cabinet and was so startled to find Suzanna’s face staring back that he dropped his cup. The crash pealed like a death knell long after the sound disappeared. Picking glass from the tile, it angered him that he looked like her. His father’s eyes, sure, but his mother’s bulbous nose, spare mouth, minky hair, stubby nail beds. The last time he’d compared their reflections, they stood in front of a funhouse mirror. They wore chromized party hats, technicolour butterflies painted on their left cheeks. He was five.

Here we have a description of Harrison wearing a (stolen) ring. This excerpt will be relevant in chapter three (also JEREMIAH BAIT):

He wears Jeremiah’s silver signet ring on his pinkie, and it clicks against the marble. Perhaps he’s been looking for it since Harrison’s been away. Hands and knees. Stuffing his head under his bedframe, a flimsy flashlight in hand, his mouth wide open.

(also... I may or may not have bought this ring... for myself)

The LINE of the century:

Harrison crosses his arms. The soaked leather of his jacket squelches, baptized by pool water just like him. His mouth is twitching again—he’d like to get high tonight, see neon, taste Jesus.

This is the unholy excerpt I vowed I wouldn't share (in other words, Jesus Thirst Trap -- take with that what you will):

How did Mary feel to mother Jesus? Listen, Harrison knows he’s no Christ. But Jesus was twenty-one once, wasn’t he? What did he do in his free time besides praise the Word of the Lord, perform miracles, etcetera, etcetera? He was a carpenter sure, nailed pleats of wood bare-backed in the tart Nazareth sun, flicked pearls of sweat off his tanned forehead. But did he ever break into a stranger’s pool? Did he ever wake up one morning, stumble out of bed, stick a frayed toothbrush into his mouth, stare at himself in the mirror and feel, with certainty, an unending urge to run?

Suz is exhausted:

Suz squeezes her nose bridge. She’s aged since August, if that’s even possible. The bags beneath her eyes are violet like the fleshy interior of a blueberry, the veins scarlet lightning bolts.

“Why are you upset?” Harrison asks, drumming his ringed finger against the counter’s lip.

This is a direct continuation of the above! This is actually sad I'm sorry:

What does Suzanna see when she looks at him? A miniature version of her wearing a jacket that once belonged to her at his age, and an earring that once belonged to another mother? Or is he a stranger? They know each other best by genetics. If she asked Harrison what he thought her favourite colour was, he’d have no idea. “This isn’t a big deal.”

“Oh, please,” Suz says, teary like the actresses on her favourite Portuguese soaps. Sure, Harrison doesn’t know his mother’s favourite colour, if in childhood she was the type of girl to make rings out of peach pits, if she was the type of girl to rip worms bare-handed, if she’d eat cottage cheese with cantaloupe, if she thought about enrolling in a life drawing class before she got pregnant, if her idols are pop icons of the 80s like his are, her favourite way to fold a paper airplane, when her birthday is. But he does know she does not cry.

When young Jesus stayed in Jerusalem unbeknownst to his mother, what did Mary do? Perhaps she stared at her hands, thought of the last time she touched him. Perhaps she wept. Or perhaps she found the closest mirror, wiped her sleeve against the glass until it glossed, and tried to find her son in her own reflection.

Emo boi dialogue (this is an ouchie lol):

Suz soothes her index finger over her thumb over and over. “Things have been so…”

“So what?” Harrison knows she could mean so many things. So raw. So indelicate. So tense. So like we’re a VHS set in reverse.  “This isn’t a big deal. No one was hurt.”

“You cannot come and go as you please in other people’s houses, Harrison.” She can’t even look at him. He could call her out by name again—Suzanna, Suzanna, Suzanna. She winces every time he does, plays it off as a sudden headache or a flighty twitch.

“Isn’t that what I do at your place?” he says instead, his throat heady with the need to scream, or perhaps cry. “Parade around as your son and then crash on the couch?”

“Harrison,” Suz says. Her eyes are pellets of amber, her pupils preserved in their warmth. As a child, Harrison climbed onto the bathroom counter, pried his own eyes open between his chewed fingernails. The colour was wrong, too light, too cold, too much like his father’s—and what was a father? God is as much a father as he is a traitor to his own sacrificial son. Harrison stood there for so long his eyes stung, and when his lid eventually snapped back in place, the world stippled.

“What?” he asks now. Where the hell is God in this dim bathroom? Sucked up in the fan? Hiding in shower drain hairballs? And where is his father? Both perpetually missing like a television remote, a set of house keys. That’s right. God’s not here—not in the olive wall paint, not in the patterned hand towels, not in the piranha portrait above the toilet tank, not against Harrison’s chest like he used to be. He’s the only one here in front of his mother, all seven of Mary’s sorrows etched into a man. He almost laughs. “And my name is kind of idiotic, isn’t it? Harry’s son—but I’m nobody’s son.”

“You’re my son.”

(^^ Funnily, the Harry's son bit was in the handwritten draft and I thought it was kind of stupid, but I have been unable to delete it... there's something very real about that line, lol, yikes)

This finishes off scene A:

He kicks off the counter, pushes past his mother, walks down the hall and back into the living room. His ears ring. He’s not even sure what’s so bad about what she’s said. Change is good, isn’t it?

“Change is good,” he mutters to himself. “Change is good.”

The Bakers gape at him from the couch. This defectless couple like the blue and pink pegs screwed into a Game of Life car. Their faces scream GET MARRIED, JOB SEARCH, BUY A HOUSE.

Harrison looks at Sadie, her sad, dead eyes. “Do something with your life,” he says, then salutes and walks right out the front door.

Scene B starts very normally, right? Here's Harrison wondering what'd be like if he was... a shirt:

The city isn’t as interesting when it’s just cars, in fact, it’s not much different to Boston, to New York. Everything is brilliant and irrelevant and bleary and transparent, like a raw brain spinning around a washing machine. Harrison might like to walk to the laundromat ten minutes from Suz’s apartment, hop into someone else’s load and just let himself swivel until he’s unsure if he’s a man or a chemise blouse. The dreaminess of it all, the way silk knows it’s as defenseless as it is coveted. Harrison could be both, couldn’t he?

Harrison starts getting an inclination of where Suz is driving him:

“Suzanna,” Harrison says, wincing when the wild cherry air freshener noosed around her rear-view flails in his direction.

She takes the next exit, the car even faster now—seventy-five, eighty.

“Suz.”

“I want better for you.” Suz slows, now weaving through a residential neighbourhood. Men sit on unruly lawns, grimy hands fisted around beer bottles. At the next turn, a teenage girl hurries a sheltie down a crosswalk. A mother squints at a bus schedule while she nudges a stroller back and forth with her heel. Boardgame people just waiting for their next play.

Would you rather have a single conversation with your ex or jump out of a moving vehicle? We know Harrison's answer:

When she doesn’t answer, he wants to ask the question again, but something changes. Perhaps it’s the texture of the wheels beneath him, the way he remembers the grit of asphalt under the rubber like someone remembers the sound of their loved one’s footsteps. Perhaps it’s the way the sidewalk shimmers with rain that’s so familiar, the way the streetlamps seem to flash as they appear like a signal lamp, or perhaps Harrison’s not a fucking idiot. “Mom,” he says, already unclicking his seatbelt. She’s not going as fast now—maybe forty miles an hour, perhaps less. He watched a documentary the other day about jumping from moving cars, the best techniques.

'My heart is fine' and other lies this man tells himself (AKA em-dash wars):

“What’s heartbreak to you? A little boohoo? My heart is fine. Let me out of the car.”

“I know you think so—”

“Let me out of the—”

“But you can’t fight a battle and run from it at the same—”

“Suzanna—”

“You loved him—”

“And what the fuck would you know?” Harrison slams his fist so hard against the dashboard the plastic fractures, the break like the entire Pacific sloshing against an eardrum. Harrison doesn’t care. He does it again, again, until shards clatter, until his hand’s bloody, until Suz is horrified because he can be horrifying—and not just horrifying, but the entire fucking horror.

(also this horror line is... fantastic lol)

Aaaand final paragraph. He is not in denial. No way!

Perhaps Jesus would enter that apartment like it were his father’s temple. But Harrison is tired of gods, of ghosts, of men. He repeats this to himself as he hustles through the rain. No gods, no ghosts, no men. His teeth chatter. His hands shake. He’s not wise. He never wants to be again. No gods, no ghosts, no men. It’s easier this way, no need to contemplate the open window overlooking the parking lot, no need to contemplate who lives there now, who makes a bed there every morning, who drinks his coffee with half a cream no sugar at the breakfast table, who grinds an inkstick to practice his new interest in calligraphy, who reads poetry on the balcony every Wednesday, who finishes a one-thousand piece puzzle in an afternoon, who wears Suzanna’s angel pendant and says he bought it vintage, who takes up pottery, herb gardening, darts whenever he feels like it, who sleeps with both eyes closed at last. No need to contemplate what might happen if he spared one glance. Who he might see if he just looked back.

Harrison from now on:

Yes you will bb!

That's it! :) Chapter 3 is writing itself. I'll be back soon lol.

Rachel

[linzsaw]

75 HARD: day one

[x] read 10 pages - Atomic Habits

[x] 45 minute workout outside - AM outdoor walk

[x] 45 minute workout inside - PM arms + elipitical

[x] gallon of water

[x] followed diet - high protein: protein pancakes, Mexican veggie bowl for lunch, protein shake, banana, brownie and nuts for snacks, and tonight's dinner included Lemon Basil Turkey Meatballs & Creamy rice

[x] took progress photo - good thing I remembered to do this after a big meal :)

[x] no alcohol - nope, and in fact I was pretty ready to give it up and didn't even drink on NYE. I had my last drink on Christmas and not sure I'll ever go back.

Today was a huge success and I'm feeling accomplished! I honestly was in a bit of a rut for the month of December after coming back from Thailand and feeling quite broke and worn out. It felt really amazing to get back into a routine again. I set myself up pretty well for this challenge. They say that New Year’s resolutions are kind of out of place because goal setting should really begin in spring, and that this is a time for rest. I fully get that and support those who are participating in a relaxing period. For me, though, I’ve always done really well when I set my goals at the top of the year. I think monthly check-ins to make sure you’re following your set goals is crucial though! I think having a visual like a vision board or creating a Mind Movie works so well. The background on my phone is a vision board I made a while back and I’ve accomplished almost everything on it. This year, I plan to create a Mind Movie and I’m really excited! If you’re not familiar, these are short videos that you design yourself to get your mind in peak 'manifesting' mode, that you watch first thing in the morning and last thing at night. The idea is to see yourself as having whatever you want now, played out in the movie with hertz frequencies in the background. The goal is to get excited about your dreams, to stop focusing on what is and envision on how you want your life to be.

Preparation

This last week I spent some time collecting recipes, I wrote down all the things I'd like to do daily and weekly, made a workout schedule and plan, and organized a system for how to realistically accomplish these tasks/goals. I also did an intention setting ceremony last night with Yoga Girl's annual podcast which I absolutely love.

On NYE my love and I went out to eat at one of our favorite Italian restaurants and I drank a delicious mocktail that had blackberry, mint, agave, and soda water. I was definitely in bed before midnight (MST) but I did watch the balldrop on tiktok live and got my new years kiss lol. I think this was another way I set myself up for success, just knowing that I did not want to start off the new year hungover. It's not worth it to me and I've really outgrown that poison.

I wondered how well I would do with the outdoor workout with it being winter, but honestly it was really refreshing to jump out of bed and force myself to get outside. The cold woke me up and it was a great start to the day. I listening to a walking meditation. The last time I did this consistently, I very quickly quantum leaped into my dream career from a very depressing job, I passed the ASWB licensing exam by a landslide, and I started my UGC side gig career which has also been quite a success! I'm seriously so damn excited to see how life can get even better than it already is.

The self-development book I started reading is called Atomic Habits by James Clear, and I can already tell I'm gonna love it. I've heard such good things about it. It's about how to build good habits and break bad ones, noting that tiny changes in your day to day life can have a huge impact on your life long-term, whether good or bad. Here's a quote from the book that stood out to me today:

"The impact created by a change in your habits is similar to the effect of shifting the route of an airplane by just a few degrees. Imagine you are flying from Los Angeles to New York City. If a pilot leaving from LAX adjusts the heading just 3.5 degrees south, you will land in Washington D.C. instead of New York. Such a small change is barely noticeable at takeoff- the nose of the airplane moves just a few feet--but when magnified across the entire United States, you end up hundreds of miles apart."

Thanks for tuning into my journey! Can't wait to see the transformation both physically and mentally.

[leaflovescloud]

Hello

It’s insane how time flies, and it’s definitely been awhile since the last time I checked in here. I’ve been relying on a physical journal instead, carry it with me whenever possible, and it’s slowly becoming one of my habits. 

Today, is unfortunately one of those days where I really want to be in a dark room and cry & scream the shit out of me. I want to scream so loud till I couldn’t hear myself, I want to throw things around, I want to break things, I want to be out of control. 

Today is also the day that I’m not the “nice” girl, I feel like I’m impatient, a little mean even. I am short on my temper, easily annoyed and yeah, things don’t feel like they are within my control.

And here I’m in Spita, gonna sit on my cranberry vodka, I just feel like, I need a drink. As much as I don’t want to rely on alcohol to numb my nerves and mind, I decided to do it today. I just feel like I’d really feel like shit if I decided to go back just now. So I hope I make the right decision. 

My mind is so messy, I feel like things are out of my control, I’m dealing with very very severe body image issue, BED, anxiety, mild depression. And with each circumstance hitting me like a rock thrown to me, I feel like I’m slowly resorting to what the old Winnie would do, and just got consumed by the inner voice that I hear. 

And it really does make me ponder - Why is living ..so hard? 

And as soon as I say this, I feel very entitled and ungrateful. That’s why I feel conflicted. Like I want to be that nice girl, but I’m not so nice anymore. 

It’s a very terrible feeling. 

Oh wait, I instantly feel better now after my cranberry vodka. Yums. 

I feel like I’m living in guilt. 

Like there are so much pent up feeling just slowly encroaching my sacred territory. Maybe I feel like there are so many things that I want to do, but it’s not within my capacity, or it is within my capacity but I choose not to do because I’m selfish... 

Guilt, is a scary thing. Very very scary. 

let’s list out first, what makes me feel really bad.

- not being there with Mum; 

- not being able to contribute to NKF; 

- nightmare of my sister leaving me; 

- snippets of my accident scenes flashing back during massage session; 

- not financially independent, like i really have to worry a lot... 

- me, being a very imperfect person, so imperfect that, it makes me feel almost impossible to be loved... 

Funny thing is, despite the above, I’m still trying to be that person for others, I want people to rely on me whenever they’re stuck in their own viscious cycle. Because I was in there and I know how dark and lonely it is, I want to provide comfort, I want to provide a safe space, but in so doing, I really wish I have someone that I can count on, I really wish I have a safe space to ventilate too. But I’m still dealing with expressiveness, the only space that I feel comfortable in - is journal (whether it’s digital and physical). Because this is really a space where, there won’t be any reply, any suggestions, any feedback... But a space for you to shit it out, and it will be there to listen, quietly. It has its pros & cons of course.  

But also I think I have too much of a hard time to try trusting a person. I think deep inside I don’t believe that anyone could be there for me. 

Honestly, I’m really at the verge of collapsing. LOL 

I think being vulnerable is really a very hard thing to do, being vulnerable with yourself, with your feelings, and it’s really during those times that I feel the weakest. So weak that I could easily be blown away (no pun intended). 

Plus, my health is also what really concerns me. I’m very that I may have PCOS... It’s insane. And I’m so afraid to get it checked. But I really should. Next thing that worries me - if I got PCOS, can I afford the medical expenses... 

That’s why things like this really make me hate myself a lot. 

I’m not earning enough. Am I too greedy to want more? 

WC 

[dahliasanddimples]

Are you posting those about me? Is that about me? I just think I about hugging you and being held by you and it’s like I can feel you missing me. If you wanted me, why not reach out to me? I know I said it’s over but you didn’t even respond. Why’d I check your socials. A part of me feels like you know I’m checking 🙄 no no no. I can’t. Even if you professed your love for me I can’t. It’s probably harder for you bc your last relationship was yeaaarrsss ago. Not that it matters. If you cared you’d do something about it. If you cared you’d get your life together. Do my ears pop every time you think of me? Is that why they pop? Hmmm. If you wanted us to work you’d work on bettering yourself. Now you know what it feels like to lose a real one. A genuine soul. Hmmm wonder what you’re thinking about. You’re not a good person and you have bad habits. But sometimes I do miss doing nothing with you. I just think about that one time we just went out for a car ride. I got boba you got a vape and we literally just took a drive. It was such a nice day. I love being passenger princess. It was a nice conversation. Though I realize you do complain a lot. Somewhere between then and now you stopped trying. And maybe you haven’t been in a relationship in awhile, a serious one. But relationships take effort, constant effort and I felt that it was being one sided. Beyond that too, I just felt like you weren’t doing anything with your life and it was kinda dragging me down too. I wanted to do nothing with you mainly bc I wanted to be with you and what we did was always nothing. I always took pictures of you, barred them actually, you never took cute candid pics of me. You’re not even my type so why DID I like you so much? Why AM I hung up on you so much? lol it’s kinda cute and I know it’s a really sad time right now. Probably haven’t had a break up or a someone make you feel this way in.. ever? I liked you as much as you liked me. I loved you as much as you loved me. Going through all this and I know it would be so toxic to get back together. It would be so bad for the both of us. It’s hard but we do need time apart. To focus on ourselves and better ourselves. Maybe and if maybe and who knows if we even will, do get back together… no. No no no. It would require such a big change from you. It would require a lifestyle change. And by then who knows, you might actually meet someone who IS your soul mate and you’re more compatible with. By the time you get your life figured out I’m hoping we’d be both moved on.

What happened? Why did you need to feel like you were always right? A situation came up about me “popping up” where you were but it was kinda discussed already? And it was funny at first but then all of a sudden it’s like, don’t do that? Don’t do that knowing I’m there with my friends? What? It was cute initially and it as funny and then all of a sudden it’s wtf? What DID happen why WERE you feeling some type of way? I’m sure it was some type of defense mechanism but for what? Why? And why did you start feeling the way you did? Was it bc of what I posted? I know you felt some of way but did you think that I was already talking to someone towards the end? I felt some sort of hatred from you towards the end. Jealousy turned hatred. Like you wanted to let me go but couldn’t just so other people couldn’t have me. Knew it wasn’t working but didn’t wanna let me know bc you knew I could and would move on, probably to someone better? It’s like you didn’t want me anymore but couldn’t stand the thought of me being with someone else not bc you loved me but bc you’re selfish. If you wanted to keep me, if you wanted me to stay, all you had to do was try. Take me on dates. Buy me flowers. And yes, you can. You CAN get another job. You CAN get another career. You had so many goals when we first started dating. You were gonna do this and that and you had things lined up, what happened? You got lazy. You hit comfortable. I shouldn’t have ever made you feel comfortable. I shouldn’t have ever made you feel like it was okay. I should’ve pushed you. But I didn’t wanna lose you. And in the process I realized that I started losing myself bc I had to take a step back for you in order for you to feel comfortable enough around me. But I’m lowering my standards for you? I’m stepping back bc you can’t step up? Hmmm.

We’re just at different points in our life right now. And I thought you were the man, but you’re actually not. You had so much leverage, so many opportunities. What’re you trying to prove.

I know you know I really am that bitch. I know you’ve talked to multiple women and besides the fact that you’re a bum, I know you know I’m actually a rare gem. I know you know that. And now that you’ve had time to think about it I am a little crazy but you actually know that you lost a one of a kind. Smart, beautiful, witty and hilarious. Genuine and the ideal wife ideal gf like I actually check off all the boxes! My red flag is that I don’t have any. Like really really. Does everyone actually think that? Lol

Day 15, it’s not me it’s you. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about me.

Just so thankful that I don’t feel sad anymore.

[getsojaded]

part i: non-refundable || calum hood

word count: 1.8k

warnings: swearing

a/n: weeeewww mini series in da works lfggg. i got this idea based of those tiktok’s where exes break up but they still go on their planned trip together bc they can’t do anything abt it hence the name of the series LOL hopefully this doesn’t turn into a shit show!! lmk ur thoughts xoxo

—

You’re casually scrolling on your laptop, looking through your old emails and clearing out any unimportant ones. You had a habit of signing up for one too many subscriptions, resulting in your email inbox constantly being clogged.

“Why did I even sign up for the Gymshark newsletter? I stopped going to the gym three months ago,” you sighed to yourself, earning a laugh from your roommate, Gabriella as you unsubscribe from the athleisure apparel website and delete, yet another email. You take a look at the email below the one you had just deleted, as the words Flight 1120 Confirmation caught your eye. You forget for a moment how this ended up in your inbox, but the memory almost instantly catches up to you and your breath hitches.

“No fucking way.” You say to yourself outloud, causing your roommate to look over at you. “What happened?” She asks concerningly, and you shift your laptop towards her, giving her a clear sight of the email you clicked on. “You forgot you’re going to Japan?” she asks, confusedly. “I forgot I’m going to Japan.” You copy her words. Her face is still laced with confusion, wondering what could be so bad about forgetting a trip you planned. “Sorry Y/N, I’m not picking up what you’re putting down.”

“I forgot I’m going to Japan with Calum.” You state, holding your head in your hands. “Oh. OH.” Gabriella then comes to the realization of how severe this situation is. “What are you going to do?”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do? I haven’t talked to him in like, 5 months! Do I just contact him out of nowhere and be like, ‘hey, I know we haven’t spoken since we broke up but is our Japan trip still on?’?” You’re now panicking, getting up from your seat and pacing around your shared living room. “Okay okay, let’s calm down for a moment. Maybe you still have time to talk to him about it, and refund the ticket. Let’s not get too worked up here,” Gabriella attempts to reassure you, moving your laptop closer to her and searching up the terms and conditions. “Here, refund and exchange inquiries.” She clicks on the link, and you lean over her shoulder, eyes grazing over the screen. “Okay, it says that you can refund your ticket if your scheduled flight is more than 4 weeks away. Let’s check when your flight is.” She switches tabs, going back to the email with your ticket and confirmation. “Scheduled flight is June 27th. What day is it?”

Your eyes dart over to the top right corner of your laptop. June 14th. “No fucking shot,” You groan in defeat, taking a seat beside your now, concerned roommate. “I have two weeks to bring this stupid trip up to him?!” You exclaim.

“Y/N.. I would do everything in my power to get you out of this if I could. However, the only way you’re going to deal with this is by talking to him. Is it going to be that hard? Did you guys end off that badly?” Gabriella asks you, and your mind shifts over to the last time you had seen your ex-boyfriend.

—

“You know I love you.” Calum states, taking a hit of his cigarette. It’s about 2 in the morning, and you two have been having a heavy conversation, to say the least. About the two of you, your relationship, and life itself. Tears have not fallen just yet, but you’d be lying if you said that you haven’t blinked back them multiple times tonight.

Calum’s not speaking much. You’re used to it. After being with him for 3 years, you’ve grown to appreciate how closed off he is about certain things. However, tonight is not one of these nights to hide your emotions.

Calum is a week away from heading off on the 5th 5SOS tour, and the day he arrives home, you’re off to Canada for a few months for a couple of business trips. This is a recurring event, only beginning to happen about a few months ago, where one leaves, and then when they come back, the other has to take off. You and Calum are both well aware of the situation that your careers have put you through, but neither of you have had the courage to speak up about it. Until tonight. Except, you had to be the one to bring it up.

“You know I love you too. It’s just.. we’re not aligning. You’re gone half the year because of touring and the moment you come back, I’m off on another business trip. How many times has this happened? And how many times have we not talked about it? We can’t keep ignoring the elephant in the room that’s been here for months, Cal.”

Calum’s head is in his hands, sighing at the complications of this conversation. He has a bad feeling about the outcome of your relationship by the end of the night, but tries his best to ignore it, despite the large pit in his stomach. “I’m not sure what you want me to do here, Y/N.” he replies bluntly, unable to put his thoughts into words.

You start to grow annoyed with the lack of response in his statements. “Can you at least try to say something helpful? It feels like I’m the only one trying to put effort into salvaging our relationship!” You exclaim, getting up from your seat and walking around, trying not to get too heated.

“I just fucking said that I don’t know what you want me to do! What fucking else do I say?!” Calum is now angry, harshly throwing his cigarette on the ground and putting it out with his shoe. “Want me to tell you ‘oh don’t worry baby, we’ll figure this out and we’ll be all sunshine and rainbows’? We can’t figure this out, Y/N. I think you know what I’m going to say.”

Calum regrets his words instantly, the moment he sees the pain planted onto his lover’s face. “Y/N, wait-” “I don’t wanna hear it, Calum.” She cuts him off, and his heart stops at the use of his full name – aside from tonight, he can’t recall the last time she’d call him that. “If that’s what you’d like to do, throw the last 3 years away without even trying to have a proper conversation about it, then so be it.” She angrily spits out, wiping the uncontrollable tears from her eyes. Y/N quickly gathers her keys and phone, and starts walking towards the front door. “It was nice knowing you, Calum. I’ll grab my shit when you leave.” Are the last words she says to her now ex-lover, slamming the door on her way out.

—

“Pretty fuckin’ badly,” you mumble, trying to ignore the pang in your chest after reflecting back on the last time the two of you had seen each other. “Gab, I’m fucked. I have no idea what to do.”

“You’ll figure it out, Y/N.” Gabriella takes notice of your distress, and pulls you in for a comforting hug. “I’m sure Calum doesn’t hate you, and is willing to have a civil conversation about this.” You pull away, with doubt written all over your face. “I don’t know about that one, Gab…” you trail off, zoning out for a minute, before an idea comes to your mind. Your eyes widen ever so slightly. “Wait, I’m going to call Luke.”

“Luke? Why Luke?”

“Maybe he can go on the trip with Calum instead of me,” you suggest, grabbing your phone and dialing his phone number.

3rd Person POV:

All four boys are currently at Michael’s house, enjoying their well deserved break from music. They’re currently on Michael’s Playstation, trying to beat each other in FIFA. The music in the background comes to an abrupt stop, causing Luke to get up and grab his phone, as he’s the one on aux. “Hold on one second, I’m getting a phone call.”

The other three pay no mind to it, continuing their game as Luke leaves the room for a brief moment. Just as he closes the door, all three boys can hear his faint voice say “Y/N, what the fuck, how have you been?”

Michael and Ashton turn towards Calum, who now has a confused look on his face. Michael pauses the game, as Ashton asks his two friends beside him, “Did I just hear what I think I heard?” Michael, with wide eyes, nods his head slowly and Calum’s expression hasn’t changed. He’s frozen in place, almost. Even the sound of her name still has such an effect on him.

“I wonder why she’s calling..” Michael trails off quietly, and Calum quickly shakes off the emotions he had just felt. “Unpause the game, it’s probably nothing.” Calum states nonchalantly, Michael following his friends’ words and continuing to play.

Luke doesn’t come back for another 10 minutes, and when he does, he walks out with concern written all over him. Michael feels like it’s a good time to pause their game once again, and when he does, Luke sits down in his previous spot and asks Calum, “Are you supposed to go on vacation with Y/N in two weeks?”

“What the fuck?”

“Bro.. what??”

Calum, this time, is now actually frozen in place with wide eyes. Completely forgetting about the trip you two had planned, he has no idea what to say. “Y-yeah, I am. I forgot about that,” he manages to get out. “Well, she just called me, saying that the tickets you two bought together are non-refundable now. She asked me if I wanted to go with you so that the ticket doesn’t go to waste, but I’m heading off to Vietnam with Sierra a couple days before.” Luke states, rubbing his chin.

Calum doesn’t know what to feel. How is he supposed to feel? He feels a bit upset that she contacted Luke before contacting him, but at the same time he’s relieved. He doesn’t think he’d be able to face her without any sort of warning beforehand. He’s wondering if you had forgotten about the trip as well, just like him. His heart rate is at least 120 beats per minute, and his thoughts are all over the place, and the first thing he is able to say is “Can either one of you come with me?”

Ashton and Michael look at each other, and Michael’s the one to speak up first. “Did you forget I’m going back to Australia in three days? What about you, Ash? Last hope.” Calum looks at Ashton, who has a disappointed look on his face. “Nah man, my family’s coming in next week.”

Calum groans in defeat, throwing his head back, closing his eyes. “Well fuck.” he states, causing the three other boys to eye each other with concern. “What are you gonna do, man?” Luke asks, causing Calum to shake his head.

“There’s only one thing to do.”

“Which is?”

“Call Y/N and figure this shit out ASAP.”

[fitgothgirl]

So I will say my weed break lasted 5 days. Rather than be down on myself for not going longer, I’m just trying to be happy that I made it that long, especially on a whim and without having set any sort of defined goal. Each time I make attempts, I strengthen those connections in my brain and learn for next time.

It’s just hard because all my issues with it are just from smoking too much. For myself and many others, there are benefits when it’s the right amount. And even the negative effects from smoking too much aren’t that bad compared to hard drugs. So overall the temptation/habit is too strong and the consequences are too little, so it’s too easy to bargain with myself when completely abstaining. I’m  already a pushover lol.

I’ll say the first smoke I had after 5 days was amazing though lol. Not just from missing it, but my tolerance was so low and I blasted off with just two hits lol. So that’s a good reason to moderate too! I really need to start using my K-Safe again...

Anyways, life goes on. Unfortunately I’ve had a couple bad binges the last two days (probably coincides with the return to smoking), so going to rein that in now. I went grocery shopping last night so I’m all stocked up, and at this point I’ve scratched the itch anyway. Like I could definitely continue to let things go, and probably would have in the past, but I’ve been doing so great the last 4-ish months with working out and slowly losing weight, and I had just passed the 15-lb-loss mark. I don’t want to undo that work or stop my progress. So the lifestyle change seems to really be getting solidified in my mind and I’m eager to just get back to it. 

I gotta owe it to weight lifting too. I’ve just been loving going to the gym and working on progressive overload. I love vibing off others there, including the bros in the free weight section. Years ago I would be too shy to go over there like a lot of people, but one of the great things about getting a tiny bit older is the dying off of the fucks you give haha. Cuz we all know that’s dumb anyway. I also got more comfortable with it when I would look up form and plan exactly what I wanted to do first so I wouldn’t be wandering or confused (and of course we should be sure about form no matter what lol). Then I started just going in and taking up the space I needed and keeping my head high. And honestly I feel like we’re all working out together, like we’re all silently supporting each other. I even love seeing people check themselves out or take pictures of themselves, I’m just like “yeah, get it, you rock!” 

(So if you’re one of the people who are nervous to go to the free weight section, just remember there are people with this attitude!)

[yoichichi]

Intern!Eren HC

warning(s): none

a/n: some Intern!Eren HC based off my CEO!Levi x secretary!reader post you can read here <- if you’d like :) I got one person requesting it in my inbox and that’s all I needed LOL :) I’d love to hear from you guys in my inbox! Hope you enjoy <3 I’m also gonna be posting more characters from this ~universe so feel free to send in thoughts or ideas !

FIRST OFF HES SO STUPID LIKE PLS

I’m sorry but hear me out:

He’s very intelligent, right. He was well composed in his interview to be an intern, his resume was wonderfully organized full of all kinds of references and experience, he can hold a corporate conversation like nobody’s business, and he’s definitely got this natural charm working for him

But this man can’t work a photo copier for the life of him 😭

He doesn’t know the difference between business casual & smart casual (tbh who tf does)

He is always joking with boss Levi at the WORST times

He’s AWFUL at finding things pls

Someone will tell him to go grab more printer paper from the cabinets in the break room and he’ll just go and stand in there like 🧍

“Cabinets, cabinets... okayyy what one.”

^he definitely talks to himself like that ALL the time but more on that later

But anyways he’ll be searching through all the cabinets and just,,, not see it and he’d start freaking out like oh fuck they’re gonna fire me cause my dumbass can’t find the fuckin printer paper

He’d just come back like

“Um, uh, Miss Parker I couldn’t find the printer paper🧍.”

She’s an older lady in the advertising department of the company that just finds him so endearing pls

so she goes and just opens the first cupboard he looked in and hands it to him like “here sweetie, make sure to open your eyes next time.”

She’s so sweet but poor baby is so red and embarrassed 😭

It’s even worse when she asks him to load it and he just - breaks it

he accidentally pulled too hard trying to open the paper compartment and ripped one of the plastic front pieces off and is just holding it in his hand like 😰

He jus tapes it on w scotch tape and bolts out of the room once it’s loaded and then blames it on Jean when Levi asks why the hell the printer in the front office is broken

“Yeah no I have no idea sir, I think it might’ve been Jean, I mean I saw him in here last buttt, yeah no I really don’t know sorry!”

Queue Eren speed walking to the bathroom so he can collect himself abdjdjajdjf

But on the note of breaking things it’s totally happened more than once

I STRONGLY HC this mf as being clumsy a lil like he just never fully got used to his height after he had his growth spurt

So he has a habit of tripping over himself or hitting his head on cabinets and such

This also means long arms accidentally knocking these over 😭

His first day he reached across his lil intern desk adjacent to Jeans to answer the phone and just completely knocked off his stapler and it kinda came apart

So once he was done with the call he was like no biggie I can fix this :)

And then he spent the next 20 minutes trying to figure out how the hell to put it back together

Levi happened upon him at his desk with google up on his computer, “how to put together stapler”, and he was fiddling with it in his lap and Levi was just 🤨

Eren was so embarrassed and went beet red

But as soon as Jean started chuckling Levi was like “well help him? I’d rather not have a broken stapler and besides, it’d give you two idiots something to do.”

So of course jean was like ok 🙄 but now him and eren have been arguing and BOTH been trying to fix it for another 10 minutes

Levi comes over to check on them and he’s so disappointed he’s just like “give me the fucking stapler” and puts the pieces back together and hands it to eren like 😐.

But yeah, Eren has a tendency to break things LOL

Ok back to mans talking to himself

He can be forgetful when it comes to tasks he needs to do so you’ll often find him walking around the office muttering things to himself like “phone, phone. Listen to the voicemail on the phone.”

And sometimes he’ll sing it to himself instead of speaking it cause it he finds it keeps him entertained 🥺🤲🏼

He also has a bad habit of just humming at his desk period

Jean absolutely hates it, especially when the songs Eren’s humming get stuck in Jeans head LMAO

Levi implied he was proud of Erens work ~once and he almost cried, he had to excuse himself and Miss Parker thought he was gonna throw up

One time Levi joked about long hair not being dress code and immediately had to take it back before Eren and Jean had a crisis at their desk

But even with his little quirks and shenanigans he takes his internship very seriously and is highly knowledgeable about the core responsibilities of the job, which is definitely a reason Levi accepted his application in the first place

Eren is so punctual it’s insane, he hasn’t missed a single day at his internship and has never been more than a minute late

And he’s so cute always asking Levi what he could do better at the end of his day or if there’s anything else he needs from him

At some point Levi had to ask him to only ask it once a week cause he has other things to worry about too 😭

But Levi did admire his determination to improve

Eren may be a little silly but he’ll be damned if he’s gonna lose this internship <3

————————

Eeeeek okok so this is officially a part of my CEO!levi universe LMAO any work that is based in this will be tagged appropriately! I’m also thinking of posting a pt.2 to this with reader 😏! Lemme know if you guys are interested! I’ll be having some more works come out with other aot boys in this universe too :)! Anyways yes I’d love any and all thoughts <3

requests are open

-🐇out

taglist: @plutowrites @armins-futon @peachysimp (if you’d like to be added to aot, hq, mha, or a mixture of those jus lemme know!)

[mostly-marvel-musings]

Typical Stark - Part 2

A/N: Sequel to Typical Stark, but could be read as a standalone fic too!

Fall Prompts Masterlist

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Warnings: Fluff and sass, some kissing!

Word count: 1338

Tony Stark Taglist - @raspberrymama​  @ladyeliot​ @boop-le-snoot​ @make-a-memory-drink-it-up​ @loveisallyouneed1125​  @ownsmyheart​ @anthonyjanthony666​ @downeyreads​

Everything Taglist – @godofplumsandthunder​ @ladyacrasia​ @agustdowney​  @swaggysposts​ @littlegasps​ @little-baby-vixen​ @another-stark-sub​ @supraveng​ @kahlanmars​  @marvelgirl7​ @disappointmentofthefam​ @pandaxnienke​ @tom-hlover​  @just-the-hiddles​ @fyreball66 @asmigurub​ @avantgardium-leviosa​ @imerdwarf​

Tags are open! Send me an ask or DM if you wish to be in any of the taglists ;))

…

Tony’s offer replayed in your mind a thousand times over, an offer you approached him with first on the day your mission had gone awry. Sure it had been your idea but, a part of you had believed Tony would never take you up on it, sooner or later he’d forget about the whole thing.

It was Tony, after all.

A week later, you had FRIDAY enquire you about your schedule for the weekend before revealing the real reason for such unpredicted prying. After trying on every fancy outfit in your wardrobe like a teenager before a first date, you settled on a simple pair of jeans and a comfy sweater. 

You weren’t going over to try and impress Tony, it was just casual conversation over drinks, not a date. You needed that reminder every so often.

.

Not that you had expected any less, Tony Stark’s penthouse screamed rich. There was nothing ‘home-y’ about the place, which made you wonder how much time Tony actually spent in the living quarters rather than the infamous lab you had heard so much about. Sure you lived in the compound but, you hadn’t been to his apartment before, given the fact that you’d spent the last two years hating his guts and callous attitude.

Way out of your league and certainly not your style.

“So Miss (Y/L/N) what can I impress you with today? Glenmorangie? A fine 16 year old Highland Park? Some good old Bourbon?” Tony bragged, sauntering over to the bar counter, sparing a glance at you over his shoulder.

“How about an honest conversation for once? With Bourbon please.” 

Your retort making his previously forgotten apprehension resurface, however he had expected nothing less knowing it was you.

You were different. As much as he hated to compare, you had traits very similar to those of Pepper. She never took his bullshit and neither did you.

And he was glad you were so unlike the girls he brought back here before Pepper. They’d gush about anything and everything to flatter him and it usually ended with that flattery continuing in the bedroom before he’d leave them or have them kicked out. Clothes they wore aimed to catch his eye but here you were in a humble attire looking stunning as ever, aiming for his heart without even trying.

Tony smiled as you kicked off your shoes and settled on his plush couch, legs folding under while your eyes scanned his apartment interiors, as if judging his sense of style. For the first time in forever, he found himself genuinely wondering if his apartment was up to the mark. 

“Here you go.”

“Thanks. Cheers.”

The amber liquid swished quietly in the crystal glass as you raised it against Tony’s to clink.

 “What are we toasting?” Tony asked, settling a safe distance away from you on the couch, his expensive cologne overwhelming your senses.

“The first real conversation Tony Stark’s had in decades?” you shrugged, a nervous laugh followed when Tony’s expression changed.

“I’m being a bitch again. Sorry. Force of habit.” Shaking your head in regret, you took a big gulp of the bourbon in hopes that the burning liquid would blunt your unnecessarily sharp tongue.

It was a habit developed in order to protect yourself from getting your heart broken by guys like Tony, and now it was just a natural response. And now Tony seemed hurt, and you were guilty.

“No, they’re hard-to-swallow pills shooting out of your mouth every time we meet. I need them every now and then. Just never thought I’d hear one on a date.” Tony’s eyes widened on that last sentence he’d just blurted out.

You stopped mid sip and stared at the man, mildly amused at his flustered state, eyes flitting towards his glass to check if he was tipsy. 

That was a first!

“A date huh?” 

“Uh n-no it wasn’t what I meant. I just—”

“Shh relax Tony I was only teasing.”

He stood up suddenly, leaving you smirking on the couch alone while he downed the rest of his drink, face scrunching up in disgust as he looked down at the city facing his large floor to ceiling window. 

You were one of the few people who could actually make him nervous, Tony wondered if he continued to pursue this, you’d leave him too, just like Pepper had. 

Damage control was vital and you decided to break the ice the best way you knew after gulping your own drink in one go. 

“So what are Tony Stark’s first date moves?” 

His chuckle spread relief through your system, letting you know that you hadn’t royally fucked this up. 

“Actually this could be considered my first date ever.” 

“What crap.” 

“Honest. You knew how I was before there’s no need to rehash that. And with Pepper well, we never had a proper date. We just got together and then we didn’t.” 

Tony shrugged, his face holding sincerity but fear of having said too much, some hesitation for being so vulnerable for the first time ever and a glimmer of hope that you wouldn’t walk out after hearing him. 

“Umm..Another round perhaps?” You offered with a kind smile watching Tony’s demeanor visibly relax as he handed you the empty glass, nodding.

He watched how you moved around the space as if this were a routine and not the first time you’d been to his place, how your calm composure actually reduced his anxieties, you move behind the bar and collect the bottles you needed before staring up at him in expectation, making him realise you’d asked a question. 

“I’m sorry what?”

“I asked if you’d be interested in trying a cocktail I make that’s not half bad.” 

“Hit me with your best shot.” 

.

Two hours and three dangerously potent drinks later, you two settled on his couch once more, this time leaving little to almost no space in between. 

Tony had his eyes closed and his head thrown back in laughter while you narrated one of your stories with Cap where he’d accidentally seen you changing after walking into what initially seemed like an empty gym, that ended up in him turning into a beetroot and tripping on a punching bag. 

“Lucky fella.” 

“Ah the flirt resurfaces!” You giggled, pressing your cheek against the plush couch, facing him, the alcohol pleasantly warm and buzzing through your system.

As much as you’d appreciated Tony’s real more vulnerable side, you couldn’t help feel glad his carefree flirty self was back. He seemed more in his element when he was like this, and it had been a while since you last saw this Tony Stark. 

“So no guy worthy enough to deserve your love yet (Y/L/N)?” 

“I would say things are looking up.” 

He mirrored your position, drink-free hand sliding up your thigh, up your arm before reaching your face, thumb hesitantly halted above your cheek. You leaned into his touch, shifting closer, sighing when he caressed your cheek ever so gently. 

A smile playing on his lips as he got closer, breath tickling your face before you felt his soft lips press against yours. Your own hands went behind his neck to pull him closer, kissing him back before teasing your tongue against his bottom lip, coaxing them open. Tony obliged by pulling you into his lap, tongue delving into your mouth, the taste of whiskey, lime and tequila you had earlier evident. Rough hands planted on your butt, grinding it against his crotch had you moaning into the kiss. 

It took everything you had in you to break the kiss as you caught your breath, Tony however had begun littering your jawline and neck with feather-light kisses. 

“I’m not sleeping with you when we’re this drunk Tony.” 

“Why?” His voice a whine, almost making you cave. You opened your eyes and held his face between your hands, foreheads touching.

“I’m not like the others remember?” Your voice barely a whisper.

“No you’re not. You’re everything I’ve missed and more.” 

Part 3? Lol I should stop.

[annoyingloverbear]

ASANO GAKUSHUU X READER HEADCANNONS

Before you ask......don't ask. Yes I like assassination classroom too.

This is a HC about Y/n and Gakushuu attending the same high school.

Ohh boy do I tell you this boi fell hard for you.

And by 'fell' I mean literally fell.

It was one of those rare occasions his father being the disciplined father he is made Gakushuu walk home from school just because he didn't eat his roasted asparagus in dinner last night.

He didn't really mind tho. His home wasn't that far and he liked to see what's going on in the outside peasant world sometimes.

As he was passing a convenient store, he heard some commotion in the alley behind it.

He ignored it and started to walk his way, but he saw a glimpse of a grey uniform skirt and snapped his head towards you.

He saw you, clad in Kunigioka's grey uniform and surrounded by three tattooed bulk men.

"Come on little girl, just keep us company for some karaoke. You see my friends and I we all are really bad singers and would love some help."______"What makes you think I'm good at singing?"________" Oh I can tell you are naturally good at it little bird! Your angelic voice is like as sweet as honey to my ears."________"Back off."_________"What?"________"I said back off you pathetic excuse of a human being before I break your willy and shove it down your throats."________"YOU STUPID BITCH!!!"

He raised his hand, but before he could even swing you neck sliced him in the throat and kicked him down there. He clutched himself as you once again kicked him in his ribs and hope that the blow was enough to keep him down for a bit. You grabbed your heavy aluminium water bottle (those things hurt guys😭 not that I've been hit by one but I accidentally hit myself. it's a great, heavy yet non-obvious self defense tool so carry one around👍) and swung it towards one of his friends. A sickening clang could be audibly heard as you hit him in the head and Congratulations!! You eliminated one more player.

You turned around and swung it towards yet another person who skillfully twisted and yanked your aluminium bottle away from you. This person was similar to your build and was standing in a defensive position, so you kicked the only thing available to you, his shin.

You were surprised as you heard a rather boyish yelp as your victim fell to the ground and grabbed his aching leg. Only then you realized......

Shit it's the previous headmaster's son.

"Oh no!! I didn't mean to kick you are you okay?"_________"I'm fine thank you."

You moved your hand towards the part of his leg which was sprained and saw that he flinched. Clearly he was in pain and seeing that he took care of one of the guys who was hitting on you felt bad so you took him to your house to treat his injury no matter how much he refused.

That was it. That's how he fell for you.

He expected himself to fall for someone who was at the same level of genius as him, but apparently he was wrong.

Why you ask he fell for you? Because you were the only one who can kick his ass purple and speak sweet words to him at the same time.

Seeing that you were an average student, not too good not too bad, he didn't really have a problem with sharing his feelings for you with someone.

The first one to notice it was not Ren, but Karma. Or you could say that Karma found his theory to be correct as he eavesdropped on Gakushuu telling Ren about how he felt for you.

Ren, knowing his manipulating skills encouraged Gakushuu to manipulate one of the teachers to transfer you from class C to class A.

And so you did.

Gakushuu, Ren along with Karma and you. This was a particularly chaotic classroom.

You weren't really complaining, as your grades got better the day you stepped in the class. But you can't shake the feeling that ten pairs of eyes were watching your every movement.

(And lol that was so true😂)

Gakushuu only respectfully watched you and your subtle movements. The way you'd chew on your pencil or nails when you were stuck, the way your eyes turned big round and innocent every time you didn't understand a concept, the way you'd pick on your peach fuzz on your face when you were anxious. Every single habit, every little thing he loved about you, he would have it memorized. Heck when he was feeling stressed out about his future company finances (yes he's planning big) he would pick on his own peach fuzz and smile like an idiot as his heart relaxes and flutters at the same time.

Ren however, watched for your responses to guys. Every time the handsome professor walked in, (admit it, we all have one at some point in our life😏) you would sit up straight, your spine rid of any slouchiness from studying. The way you would cross your legs so your skirt rides up just a bit, and the way your gaze turned sly and your smirk naughty, yes this boy is serious about helping his best friend. Heck he would even come up to you and talk to you to get some type of reaction towards him, but figures out you didn't really like him (ouch!😢)

But Karma stared. And by stared I literally mean stared. Bore holes in the back of your head by staring at you too much. He didn't understand that a guy as corrupt as Gakushuu would fall for a disheveled angel like you. It's not that you weren't beautiful, but the combination of scary principal's son and a smol fluffy bean didn't seem very safe. At times you would even find Karma behaving as an older brother to you. And you weren't one to complain but rather happy that someone in here truly cares for you than judge you for your grades.

Add 7 other girls who were suspicious of you and that's all the people who keep staring at you during the time you're in class.

Every morning you hand in your homework, it was always Gakushuu. You would hand in your homework, he would scan it once and turn around to check others'.

But you knew better than that.

After school was over, you would make your way to the hallway but a strong grip held you back.

"We need to work on your Social Studies. You suck at it."______"But shuu!!!"_______"No buts. Get in the library and wait for me there."

He would drag you to the library and make you study your worst subject (which isn't fun at all🤢) but he would make it a LOT easier for you to understand.

Of course Ren gave him some tips to flirting. Hold her pinky, look in her eyes, compliment her and yada yada yada yada yada......

He did try one of them, but he almost had a heart attack from his heart beating so fast that he decided not to listen to his minio- I mean friend anymore and do it his way.

And honestly he loves his way!!

He loved the cute nicknames you made for him while you whined for him to release you. He loved it the way your face lightens up when he explains there was an easier way to solve an equation.

All the nervousness is his system had vanished.

He also got to the point where when you got an obviously easy question wrong, he would pinch your cheeks while grinning wide.

This made study time a lot easier for you.

You weren't aware that he was like that for and with you only. Only you made him feel that way.

But you found out soon when he got TOO comfortable one day and let it slip out.

"Y/n I think I have a crush on you."

As soon as he said it, blood rushed to your cheeks and drained from his.

Both of you were staring at each other for a hot minute before you broke the silence.

"You're kidding aren't you? I'm not even that smart or that much of a genius in anything. I- but-"

"Y/n I know that. But it's just something about you that I love. I- I can't express in words how much I adore you."

You were starstruck.

Asano Gakushuu. THE Asano Gakushuu likes you!!!!

But you still refused to believe yourself AND his words. Wondering if he was turning into a playboy like Ren.

All you could say was "Then show me."

The library was quiet and you two specifically picked up a spot away from other students, the librarian and surveillance cameras so both of you can goof off. Who knew that this was also the perfect place to kiss?

He gently took your hand as he first stared at your eyes and shifted his gaze to your lips. You acted confident as if you knew how to kiss but god knows you kicked the ass of your first boyfriend before he could even hold your hand.

His gaze stayed on your lips as he licked his and visibly gulped. You wanted to throw a snarky remark but seeing the boy was as edged as a cat you wouldn't dare.

Bringing one of his hands up to your cheek he slightly tilted his head as he came near you before stopping right where your lips weren't touching his but you could feel his minty breath. Obviously waiting for you if you were okay with this, you decided to close that painful space between the two of you.

As soon as your lips touched his, he was in charge. This wasn't a particularly deep or fast kiss. You weren't digging your tongues in each other's mouth but rather just moving your lips to each other, as if giving silent yet intimate messages to each other. His lips slightly glided over yours, and you definitely knew that the way he was kissing you, he was an expert hidden within an amateur. The kiss wasn't heated or passionate in any way, but it was sinfully sweet.

It lasted for about a minute, but felt like an eternity.

Pulling away he stared at you again softly before saying "Thank You" and intertwining your fingers with his.

You were too shocked to react to anything. You were an average student. You got into fights. Your mom always yells at you to behave. Your dad keeps telling you to improve your temper. Why the hell does this boy like you?

He noticed you were staring at him the same way you stared at the blackboard during class when the professor was teaching the quantum theory for the first time.

Now that this boy had finally kissed you, he was bold enough to reach out his thumb and running it over your lower lip before popping it in his mouth.

"Pineapple flavoured lip balm, huh? I thought strawberry was the preferred choice when it came to anything for girls. Including......" his eyes lowered to your legs which felt like they were bare naked in the tiny skirt.

"Shuu!!!! Don't stare at me!!" You shoved him away as he laughed and you covered your face with your sweater paws.

"I'm sorry dear. You are just so adorable I couldn't help myself." He said while stroking your hair.

Little did they know a certain playboy on the other side of the library was paying attention to them the whole time and a redhead was poking his head from above one of the bookshelves.

[casifer-is-king]

I'd Never

Pairing: Javier Peña x fem!reader

Summary: It’s not that Javier isn’t interested in you, but there are some lines that can’t be crossed. Especially when you’re his partner’s wife’s best friend in Bogatá and he’s a DEA agent with a bad track record with relationships. But there has to come a breaking point, and this is it.

Rating: M

Warnings: curse words, alcohol and cigarettes (don't smoke kids), jealousy, a tiny bit of fem!receiving oral. If there's anything else I missed call me out.

A/N: This started as a simple little thing about why Javi avoids relationships. Then it turned into a "what would be the breaking point of that avoidance, though?" And it turned into this whole big thing lol. No beta we die like men. Please leave me feedback and reblog if you like 🥺💖

It’s been two hours since Steve called Javier and told him Connie was dragging him out to the bar and Javier was coming too. Steve told him exactly when to be there and Javier showed up only five minutes late. That was an hour ago and he was currently wishing he had just stayed in his own apartment…

Finally, the bedroom door opened and Connie stepped out. She had on a short dress and some strappy heels, her hair curled and makeup done to perfection in dark, smokey colors.

“Can we leave yet? The bars are gonna be closed by the time you’re ready,” Javier quipped.

“Sorry to keep you from your drinks, Javi, but this woman’s hair would not cooperate.

It was only then that Javier saw you, stepping out behind Connie and dressed up similarly. Your dress was black, strapless and fitted at the waist, then flowing out into an a-line skirt that accented the curve of your hip. Your makeup was lighter than Connie’s, but the bright red lipstick brought attention to your mouth and had Javier licking his own lips.

“Sooo, are we ready or what?” Connie pulled Javier out of his reverie. She already had Steve by her side, helping her into her jacket by the door.

“Ready,” rasped the brunette, pulling a cigarette from the pocket of his shirt. He escorted you and Connie to the front of the building while Steve went to bring the car around.

“Can I have one?” You asked from Javier’s right.

He immediately offered you the one he had lit and watched as your much smaller fingers took the cig from between his, brought it to your crimson lips and inhaled. You let the smoke roll out of your mouth before handing it over to him again. Taking it back, his dark chocolate eyes observed the red stain on the filter before he inhaled the last drag. Dropping the butt to the ground, he dug for another, lit it then handed it off to you immediately.

It was a practiced action between the two of you by this point. Ever since Connie brought you over for one of those weekly dinners she insisted Steve invite him to - “or he’ll never have a good meal, Stephen” - almost three months ago now. Javier wasn’t sure if you never actually had cigarettes of your own, or if you just made it a habit of stealing from him specifically, but you always asked for one and he never said no. At this point, he was certain he wouldn’t say no if you asked him for most anything.

***

At the bar, Steve and Connie go to find a table while Javier and you go up for the first round of drinks. The bar is crowded, but Javier easily carves out a spot for the two of you to wait for one of the bartenders.

It’s only a few minutes before a guy sidles up to your side and begins a conversation with you. Javier tenses, but the bartender distracts him for the moment as he gets everyone’s order in and waits. When he turns to hand you your drink, the guy is still there and you seem to be happily having a conversation, letting him lean in close to your ear so you can hear him over the music. With your drink in hand you give the stranger a smile and a nod before turning to Javier.

“I’m gonna go dance,” you say over the music.

Javier nods, but his mouth is curved down into a frown as he juggles three full drinks to the table that Steve and Connie claimed. He sits and glares out across the dance floor while the married couple next to him have a quiet conversation all their own.

He watches you as you dance with the stranger, his hand on your waste and head ducked toward your neck. He’s obviously saying something into your ear, and whatever it is makes you smile. As the guy turns your body so your back is pressed to his front, Javier feels a rolling, burning feeling in his stomach. He has no right to feel this way, he tells himself. You aren’t his to be possessive over.

It’s not that Javier isn’t interested in you, but there are some lines that can’t be crossed. Especially when you’re his partner’s wife’s best friend in Bogatá and he’s a DEA agent with a bad track record with relationships.

Javier isn’t good at long term relationships. He knows this well. It's the reason that he keeps his interactions with women strictly business, both professionally and sexually (though sometimes those two things can be one in the same in his job). It’s the reason he left Lorraine on the day they were to be married and ran away to Columbia. And it’s the reason he keeps you at a distance when all he wants is to hold you in his arms and smudge your lipstick across your lips as he kisses you. Because you deserve better than a fast burn relationship that leaves you broken, and he knows better than to think he can get it right this time.

Instead, he watches your body as it melts into this random, watches as your hips meet his and you both move in time to the tempo of the song. And he glares. It isn’t a conscious action, but he glares across the room as he absently drinks his beer.

"If you glare hard enough maybe the whole place will burn down," comments Steve with a knowing smirk. “Or maybe he’ll just disappear and you can finally just make a move.”

Javier turns his glare to his partner. “Very funny, Murphy.”

Connie stands and places an arm on his shoulder. “Just go out there, Javi. Dance with her,” she urges him before turning to her husband. “Come on, babe. Buy me another drink and come dance with me.”

Steve turns blue eyes to meet brown. “Meet ya out there?” he asks Javier with a snarky little smile.

“Yeah fucking right,” Javier mutters to Steve’s retreating back, eyes quickly finding their way back to you. He watches you. Watches as you embrace Connie and pull her in to dance. Watches as that stranger’s hand finds it’s way over your stomach and up, up, up until he’s grazing the bottom of your breasts. Watches as he finds himself pushing through the crowd, getting closer and closer to you, and as his own hand engulfs your wrist and pulls you away from the asshole.

“What the hell, Javi?” you exclaim, spilling a bit of your second drink between the two of you.

Javier doesn’t answer; he silently accepts the car keys from Steve and nods at his partner's brief, “we’ll catch a cab home, man.” Then he leads you through the bar, draping his leather jacket across your bare shoulders before you even hit the doors, and continues to lead you to the car.

“Javier! What the hell?” you reiterate. You don’t fight him, though, and you accept his chivalry when he opens the passenger door and helps you into the seat.

He mutters some excuse that you barely hear before he shuts the door and jogs over to get in the driver’s seat. He pulls out of the parking lot with only a muttered, “I’ll drive you home,” but stays quiet other than that. He barely remembers walking out onto that dance floor, doesn't know why he dragged you away, and has no words to explain himself to you. He knows he owes you more than that, owes you some sort of excuse that he can’t give. Not without opening a door to something that he’d never be able to take back.

He tries not to look at you sitting next to him, swamped in his coat with confused eyes and a pout on your painted lips. Instead, he focuses on his driving, focuses on the dark streets in front of him, and focuses on bringing his emotions back in check. Building his walls back up so that he doesn’t hurt you.

He lights a cigarette, taking two drags before silently handing it to you. You accept the smoke, finishing half of it before passing it back without a word. You both smoke two more cigarettes like this before Javier pulls up to your building.

“I’ll walk you up,” he finally breaks the silence. And so he escorts you all the way up to your door without so much as another word. In the harsh fluorescent lights, he can feel you observing him, knowing you can see the hardening of his brow over his stormy eyes, the way his mouth is turned down into a pouty frown and the hunch of his broad shoulders.

At your door, you pause and Javier knows you want him to say something. Anything at all to make you understand. But when he doesn't, you unlock your door, hand resting on the doorknob.

“You know what? No, Javi. I’m not going to let you just leave me here like this without an explanation,” you finally explode. “What was that about back there? Why did we leave early?”

Javier huffs, but his eyes refuse to meet yours. You won’t back down, though. “Please talk to me,” you practically begged now.

He has thought about this moment a lot, how he would respond if you finally confronted him about this push and pull that you both engaged in. The light flirtations that he allows himself to indulge in without ever letting it advance to the next step. Light touches as you pass the cigarette back and forth between quiet banter, eyes meeting across Steve and Connie’s dinner table, a fluttering of your lashes and the twist of his lips into a grin just for you.

Javier makes the mistake of meeting your eyes. “I didn’t like seeing that cabrón all over you,” he finally spoke through clenched teeth. “I don’t like seeing any man looking at you the way he was, or dancing with you the way I should be.”

“The way you should be...?” you trail off, trying to understand what he’s saying.

“The way I want to be,” Javier adds.

There is a heavy pause between the two of you for a long moment, then you’re in Javier’s arms, eyes searching his expressive ones and looking for a sign that it’s ok to move forward. Javier answers that question by leaning down and capturing your lips with his - tentative, waiting to see where it goes. Wanting to see if he was really going to take this step after talking himself out of it for so long now.

You don’t give him too long to think about it, pressing into his chest and deepening the kiss. Javier pushes back, feeling your curves pressed into his torso as your back hits the door behind you. Your mouth tastes like tobacco with faint undertones of the alcohol you had been drinking and Javier finds himself falling into it. Any reason he has created to convince himself to keep you at arms length is crashing down around him.

Breaking the kiss when air becomes a necessity, Javier grasps your chin where your lipstick is smeared, wiping along the red stain before bringing his lips to yours again. Then it’s the fumbling to get into your apartment, the frantic removal of shoes and hands roaming skin. Making your way through the dark apartment, lit only by the orange streetlights filtering through the windows, Javier kisses every bit of skin he can find from your face to your shoulders. He takes note of all the noises you make, from the quiet gasp when he finds the soft spot behind your ear, to the giggle from that spot on your shoulder where his mustache tickles you.

Javier is pushing up the skirt of your dress, caressing your sides as he explores with his mouth, fingers dropping under the band of your panties and beginning to ease them down. Halfway down your thighs, Javier grasps your hips again and lifts until you are seated on one of the stools at your kitchen counter.

Kneeling between your legs, Javi looked up at you, eyes reflecting black with lust. “I want this all for myself,” he rasps out.

“It’s yours,” is your response, voice husky and dark.

At your word, Javier wastes no time latching his mouth to the soft skin of your inner thighs, exploring this new expanse of skin slowly. By the time he reaches his intended destination, he has you squirming in the seat, leaking onto the fabric beneath you and begging him to hurry up. And being the weak man that he is when it comes to you, he gives in easily and finally delves into the sweetness of your core.

He tries to take his time still, savoring in the moment. But you are impatient now, bucking into his face and letting out a constant stream of commentary, “please, Javie. So close. Please don’t stop.” And how could he stop when he finally had you here? Finally gets to hear your moans and taste you on his tongue. By the time your first orgasm has washed over you, he has already decided to see how many times he can make you beg in one night. How many times he can say yes to you and earn his name on your lips.

By the time you are both spent, he's lying with you in the crumpled sheets of your bed. He basks in the afterglow as you cuddle into his side, head resting on his chest and his arm around your shoulders tracing patterns across soft skin. Once he is sure you have fallen asleep, he begins to ease his way from under you. He doesn’t get far though, as your hand reaches out to grasp his larger one.

“Please say you’ll stay,” you whisper sleepily. Javier instantly relaxes back into your pillows, hand shifting to encase your much smaller one in his.

“I’d never say no.”

[charlotteswriting]

Hi there! This may be a bit too specific but is it ok to ask for Kiyotaka, Korekyo and Hajime with reader who has issues with time-management? Like they procrastinate a lot but they are willing to change that! Also they are too easy to distract and they tend to pick the skin near nails, touch their hair a lot, etc (sorry if it's strange, the last detail is optional ><)

Hii!! That’s a cool idea, anon!! But I’m sorry if this is wrong or bad because I am actually good at managing my time so I hope you don’t mind ^^’ Anyways, have fun!!! 🧡💖💘

-Mod Kaede

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

Oh hell no.

You ain’t getting away with it

It’s just something he can’t ignore because he manages his time well

Okay but he’ll sit you down and will have a serious talk about this because it’s really important, you know

He’d talk to you about your priorities and how everything needs to be organized so you’ll have more free time for yourself

When you told him you are willing to change that he was more than willing to help you with that!!

He would totally make a to-do list and make a schedule for you and he’d constantly check on you to make sure you aren’t procrastinating. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you. It’s become a habit of yours, so yeah 😩 Man gotta keep an eye out

If you are getting distracted too easily he’d?? Scold you?? Lmao okay, mom

He is reading with you in order to you organize your thoughts and focus on it properly

He’s giving you more tasks and works as punishment lol

Please don’t be mad, this is his way of getting the work done 😩

Breaks? He never heard of it. Work hard so you’ll have the most free time ever!!!

Taka, give them a break

“Finally...” You thought.

“What? We’re not done yet. You still have assignments to do, don’t you?”

“Taka, no,” ❤️

Even though he’s so serious about it, he acknowledges your work 😌

Korekiyo Shinguji

Okay but this man studies people behaviors

So he’s the one that understands you best

You’re easy to read, he can tell by just looking at you 🙂

He can see why you are struggling and getting distracted easily, so he’ll turn off all distractions. Bye-bye phone 💔

Basically he creates the best environment for you so you don’t get distracted when working

Don’t. Try. To. Do. Everything. At. A. Time.

“Multitask is just wasting your energy more” He’d say, “We need to make you a to-do list, Y/n.”

Seriously, you need a schedule, S/o!!

If you’re willing to change that, he’s willing to help

Like, he’d meditate with you!!

Finds your efforts fascinating ✨

He’s the type of person who’s willing to do their best, but in your condition, he’ll tell you to avoid perfection, so you don’t go too harsh on yourself at all

If you don’t like your schedule, he’ll do some changes but in a way that’ll help you

To increase your focus, he’d listen to relaxing music with you or read books and you’d listen to him

Also he doesn’t want to make you tired so he gives you breaks when you need it. (ha, take that, Taka!)

The biggest inspiration for you is his support, you know? A simple “I know you can do it” increases your hard working level. It’s really effective lol (I wish 😩)

A kiss will do, too :)

Hajime Hinata

Aa, Idk but I feel like he’d have problems managing his time himself, too

Well, if not now, he had it before

But he changed this and now he’s willing to help you since he can relate to you so well!!

If you don’t have any idea what to do, just leave it to him. He’d talk to you about your priorities.

It might sound a bit awkward though, and you two would burst into laughs lol

Please listen to him, S/o, he got a point!!

He’d tell you his ways of managing time, such as making a to-do list or working harder at weekends, not interrupting his work for some other things

Yeah, he’s like that. Like, if you are sending him a message, he’ll not check it unless he’s done with his work.

He also tries to create the best environment for you!!

He removes everything that might distract you. (He gotta remove himself 😭✌️

If you wanted him to work with you he’d refuse because he’s a huge distraction for you and he’s aware. Boy can’t risk it 😤

He’s a stress reliever. He’s ready to tell you “You got this!” Everytime you need it

How he inspires himself? By giving himself rewards, of course! Try it, it really helps, I do know because I used to do that too

He can easily tell you are tired, so he’ll just hug you and say you should rest for now

Don’t overwork, it’s not healthy, you know

Breaks help, too. You two play video games, watch movies, take a walk or stuff like that. If you are feeling really tired, he’d put you to sleep

Hii!! I don’t know I wanted to write something that would help so I hope this actually helps lmfao Also my mom says “Sleeping 7-8 hours is important so don’t stay up too late 😤” I did some research for this but I write the most according to my work schedule, hehe so I hope you don’t mind!! 😌💘

I’m currently writing requests and it seems there is quite a lot- uGh I’m excited!! Anyways hope you guys enjoy reading this ajjhdjg Have a lovely day! 🥳💖

[slutsofren]

Danger Days Chapter 8: Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back

summary: finding shelter in an abandoned home, you try to keep your wits about you and care for the still unconscious Joel until some trouble comes knocking

word count: 3,792

content warnings: mention of gore and impromptu medical care, more canon-typical violence, death, murder, arrival of.... cannibals, y'know the deal hurt/comfort

notes: i didn't mention it last time but yeah, your shit really can kill you if you get your lower intestines punctured lol it's a real thing and gnarly af

read on ao3 / masterlist

You woke up in a start. Heavy breaths taking hold in your lungs. The small, barely considerable amounts of sleep were getting to you as they had been for the last month as more and more night terrors racked your brain. Rubbing at your eyes, you pushed yourself up to begin your usual routine.

It had been a couple weeks since your little group found yet another abandoned home and it took some hell of maneuvering to get Joel into the basement but it worked. The winter snow was coming in full force and it was peritive you all kept Joel as warm as possible, there were too many odds stacked against him.

Walking over to his prone body, you checked on his wounds once more as you did practically every couple of hours. He was looking worse for wear, even changing out the gauze could only do so much. Whatever small amounts of clean water the three of you had went to cleaning it out, hoping to stave off the infection.

Joel was, by all means, not doing well.

To top it off, even with your meager amount of medic training from your days with FEDRA could never prepare you for the long-term haul you were in with Joel, he was dying. The bastard was dying and you couldn’t help but feel it was your fault.

Night after night you were haunted by the image of him falling off that balcony, the sounds of his groans of pain still lingered in your head even when you were awake. It fucking sucked.

He was asleep now, he barely woke up since everything went to shit at the university then at the mall. That in and of itself felt like a lifetime ago. You put a hand against his forehead, feeling how his fever still hadn’t broken. With the chill in the air as winter was fully settling in making your fingers cold as ice, he didn’t even flinch away. You closed your eyes and sighed, still not wanting to give up. Not for Ellie, not for Tommy, not even for the grumpy man himself.

A quick glance out the small basement window told you it was nearing dusk which startled you. Ellie had left when the sun was at its peak, sometime around noon, surely. She had been gone much much longer than she normally would have.

Usually it was you who left to go hunting for food once your supplies dwindled but Ellie wanted to help relieve the burden from your shoulders and you reluctantly agreed. Yo hated to admit you needed a break. She had argued she wanted to get better with her bow and arrow and she certainly did, often bringing back animals of various sizes. It was her way of coping with potentially losing Joel, something she confided in you that was one of her biggest fears.

Thoughts of Ellie swirled your mind and you paced back and forth, chewing at your fingernails. A nasty habit you suppressed most days. A part of you wanted to go find the girl, follow Callus’ tracks in the snow. Another part of you didn’t want to leave Joel by himself.

Fuck, you thought.

Compartmentalizing you figured if she didn’t return within an hour, you’d go looking for her. If you couldn’t locate her within a mile radius, a strict rule you enforced her limited hunting zone to, you’d hunker down with Joel and wait until morning to find her and scold her for being irresponsible.

You stopped your pacing to look at Joel’s face, seeing how his face was still warped in the painful scowl he hadn’t let go of. His features were beginning to slowly become gaunt as the small amounts of food you’d been able to get him to eat the rare times a day he’d wake were coming far and few in between. Even his usual tan skin was slowly softening to a cooler shade of bronze. He looked like death.

Joel, by all means, was a handsome cowboy. Even with his patchy beard that was littered with grey hair in a few spots. Now he just looked like a ghost of himself.

Okay, fine, you admit to yourself. With Joel down, you’ve kind of missed the fool. You missed the banter and arguing with him about stupid shit. He irritated the daylights out of you because he always wanted to jump headfirst into things without a care for his safety clearly but dammit, the lack of his presence was palpable. You hated it.

You sat beside Joel, removing one of his hands from under the blanket to hold. His hands still rough and calloused, mirrors of yours if you weren’t missing a finger. Once upon a time, you remembered hearing that coma patients could sometimes hear what people said to them, that it helped. Maybe talking to him now would help not just him but you as well, to keep your mind occupied. Maybe pass the time a little. Maybe.

“Hey, it’s me, you grumpy bastard,” you started off lightly. “I don’t know if you can tell but you’ve been puttin’ that girl and I through hell and back trying to keep your ass alive.”

A hollow laugh escapes you, feeling a little more choked up than you’d ever dare to admit. Composing yourself you tried to use playful banter. “How do you do it, cowboy? Ellie is a goddamned handful. Shit, I thought I was bad when I was a teenager,” you sniff, feeling your voice waver.

“When I first laid eyes on you two, I think it would have saved me a whole lotta trouble and pain if Maria let me shoot you,” you sigh dramatically. Even though there was a smile on your lips, it didn’t reach your eyes. What did were the tears that were slowly forming. The added stress of Ellie being missing was really wearing you thin.

Amongst other things.

“Y’know,” you sniffled, “you really hurt my feelings back at the university. When you thought I led the two of you into a trap.” You took a sharp inhale. “As much shit as you and I put each other through, that was the one thing that stung. More than anything.”

You squeezed his hand and sighed, closing your eyes. Admitting that was hard, stars know you’d never say that to Joel while he was conscious nor in front of Ellie.

“Don’t die, you asshole,” you begged softly, wiping away the light tears that coated your lashes, reluctantly letting go of Joel’s hand as you tucked the blanket around him tightly.

After you said your piece, your mind became overrun with the little turd you grew fond of. The more you began to worry about Ellie, the more your thoughts swirled rapidly into worst case scenarios.

Before you worked yourself into a much deeper frenzy, a loud metallic bang echoed from upstairs. You ran up the steps and came face to face with Ellie, looking just as frantic. She raised her hand and in it, a tied white rabbit, so white it was nearly silver in the dim lighting. “I got food,” she said breathlessly.

“And,” she shoved you aside and took off to the basement, “I got this. Can it help?”

Ellie reached into her pocket and pulled out a syringe and orange bottle, she handed it to you while kneeling next to Joel as he shifted in his sleep. You were still rather shocked to see Ellie who looked faintly bloodied and tired, before you could comment on the new rifle on her shoulder, you took the bottle and were damn near milliseconds from riding into her until you read the faded label of the glass container.

Penicillin.

“Where the fuck did you get this, Ellie?”

Without waiting for her to answer, you dug in your pack and pulled out some disinfectant alcohol and a gauze pad to clean the syringe and a spot on Joel’s arm. Ellie refused to look up from where she kept her gaze focused on Joel’s face, “‘s not important.”

“If I wasn’t so mad at you right now, I’d kiss you.”

Throwing away all the questions you had for her, you administered the antibiotic as quickly as you could, he sighed as the medicine entered his body. Although, it was likely you were giving him too much, truthfully, you didn’t think it would hurt him worse than he already was.

As he relaxed underneath your hands, you looked down at his wound one last time for the evening. The haphazard stitches were taut on his stomach where the swelling was, hopefully by morning, he’d be better.

You didn’t look up from Joel as you laid into Ellie, “I don’t want excuses about where you were, only that you promise me to be more careful in the future, please.”

“Ye- yeah, I promise.”

“Good,” you covered Joel back up, “Now go get some rest. I’ll take care of the rabbit and wake you when it’s done.”

You turned your back to Ellie, it wasn’t that you wanted her to feel bad for her little disappearing act. You just needed some space to gather your thoughts. Between being Joel’s caretaker, Ellie’s temporary guardian, and keeping yourself sane, you were a wreck. You needed a moment.

Before you took a step on the stairs you paused. “Good work on getting the medicine, kiddo. Joel would be proud of you too.”

She didn’t respond as you walked away, the implication that although you were upset with her, you were still proud lingered in the air. Mindlessly, you focused on the rabbit, doing what needs to be done to cook it for dinner, pushing away those lingering worries. Ellie was safe, you reminded yourself, she came back.

It didn’t take you long to finish with your meager dinner, still pretty damn proud of Ellie’s evolving hunting skills. Maybe you’d offer to teach her a couple snares in the morning to leave out overnight. Although they tended not to gain anything bigger than a rabbit or a squirrel, something was better than nothing and you’d figure it would help Ellie focus on something other than Joel’s condition.

You bounded down the stairs, bringing the freshly cooked meat with you. A small shake to her shoulder and she was awake, “Dinner’s ready.”

Ellie didn’t bring her gaze up to look you in the eye, likely still ashamed. The two of you still sat in silence eating, occasionally looking to Joel for any changes or whenever he shifted in his sleep.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice sounding small.

“I know, Ellie. I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I was just worried.”

Once again, the silence encompassed you both like a blanket, warmer now than it was before. You broke it first, “I was thinking about teaching you a couple snares in the morning. How does that sound?”

Ellie wiped the grease from her fingers on her jeans and looked up, “I think I’d like that.”

Just like that, the two of you were on even footing. It didn’t feel right to be mad at each other, not when Joel wasn’t there to diffuse. Either way, it was much like when you were the one in between their own fight that day you’d met them, it wasn’t healthy when you all had to rely on each other for survival. At least with Ellie, she was quick to forgive and forget in the face of the larger picture. A quality you kind of admired in the young woman.

Both of you finished with your portions of the meat, saving the rest for the morning or for Joel if he wakes in the night. Simultaneously you shuffled through the remaining ammo together, doling out some spare bullets to Ellie for her shiny new rifle, still not going to ask how she acquired it. Let her have her space.

She took the bullets graciously, reloading her sidearm and long range weapons and placing them in her backpack before getting ready for sleep. You stayed fiddling with your own weapons for a few moments longer before calling it quits too.

You laid down on the opposite side of Joel, biting your lip and hoping for the best. You tossed and turned, not knowing if you could take facing Joel’s sickly frame but you also couldn’t turn your back on him and Ellie who laid on her backpack on his other side.

Please, you wished, let the medicine take.

These kinds of wishes filled your mind until you slowly drifted to a fitful night’s sleep.

By morning, you happened to find yourself shaken awake with Ellie’s face close to yours, “Wake up, I need you awake!”

You jumped up, onto your knees. “What is it,” you ask startled, afraid Joel was worse than he was when you fell asleep. Looking at Joel, he didn’t look like he deteriorated in the night, but he also didn’t look like he improved any.

“I was tracked,” she says as if that explains anything. Both of you have your hands on each other's arms in a failed attempt at communicating the other’s panic.

“What do you mean ‘tracked’, Ellie?”

“Those people I got the medicine from, David and-and James, they fucking tracked me!”

“Ellie, what the fu-.”

“Look, listen, I’m gonna draw them away. Keep an eye on Joel,” she tells you in a rush, letting go of you and bolting up the stairs, grabbing her backpack on the way out.

“Fuck,” you practically shout while getting up and looking out the window. Outside you see silhouettes of a few men, searching the nearby area. Frustrated, you kick the washing machine.

Shit, shit, shit.

You don’t know what to do, you feel tied down once again because of Joel’s condition and Ellie’s neverending saviour complex. You mumble out a few more expletives at this situation just as you see the girl bound down the street on Callus shouting for the intruder’s attention. As she rides away, you hear bullets being shot at her, getting further and further away from you.

You carelessly threw your denim coat on and opted to grab your knives instead of guns, hoping to kill anybody who came close without alerting the others. Out the basement window, you could see a few of the men still lurking about, choosing not to follow Ellie.

Just before you followed Ellie out of the house, you doubled back to Joel, kneeling forward and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “We’ll come back, I promise you Joel. Just please, don’t die on me now.” Another kiss on his warm skin and you left without stopping, barricading the basement door as if it was left unoccupied.

Everything in you wanted to panic, your muscles were screaming to fold in on yourself and heave what little food remained in your stomach but you couldn’t give in. Not when Ellie was in danger. She may have been a pain in the ass, but she was your pain in the ass.

After your conversation last night, you’d be damned if anybody hurts your girl.

Taking a deep breath, you shook your worries free and cleared your mind. Although you were a field medic by title with FEDRA back in the day, working with them turned you into a killer. It was a toxic mindset for you, even when you had joined the Fireflies, they took advantage of your ability to focus on one thing and one thing only, turning it into their own game - death.

It took years to shake off that blank emotionless part of you, even Tommy was afraid of it when he saw the horrendous things you were capable of, what the Fireflies exploited from you, but Tommy wasn’t here and the people you loved were hanging on by a thread.

It was easy to see the outlines of the few straggling men who searched the nearby homes, whatever Ellie did really pissed them off. Now, these people only pissed you off.

You stayed lurking within the shadows of the homes, even with the sun just getting ready to set, it wasn’t too difficult to stay hidden. Especially to those who weren’t familiar with the layout. It was easy to spot how the few men tended to remain within a handful of yards together, opting not to venture out into the buildings alone. Alert and yet unorganized as you could see how they would often turn their backs on each other, giving you such a delicious opportunity to sneak in and out, weaving through them and taking them down one by one.

Was it absolutely horrible this was your instinct? Maybe. But you had two people you wanted to protect, two absolutely annoying yet selfless humans who gave you hope. You did love Joel and Ellie, even if you hadn’t admitted to it yet. Besides, you had a whole lot of stress burdening your shoulders and you wanna hit something.

You watched as the small group approached one of the homes off to the left, allowing you ample room to get close without having to cross the street in the open. You took off running, not bothering to try and conceal your footprints in the snow as you got to the house besides the targets. You entered through a broken window - a common for every single house on this block. Taking lighter footsteps, you ducked by the windows and reached the second floor landing.

The homes in this area were built within close proximity to the others, making it easy for, say, somebody needing to jump between windows without being seen. Perfect.

You listened hard and close as the men shuffled and tossed things around the first floor, looking for any sign of Ellie and ‘those two people she was with’. You growled lowly, really hating the implication that these people knew about the three of you.

Taking another assessment, you noticed there were two men standing guard out the front of the house, idly walking to-and-fro, their conversation remaining on wishing they were chasing Ellie instead.

A deep breath in and you jumped with an ‘oof’, trying to make as little as noise as possible, aiming for a wide open window with a snow covered bed on the other side. Between the snow and the mattress, the noise was cushioned to only a small thud, thankfully concealed by the thuds of the men downstairs shuffling through rooms. You quickly got up and went to the doorframe and saw there was only a hallway and stairs leading down.

You took deeper breaths again, trying to center yourself for what you were about to do as you heard one person come up the stairs - alone.

Placing your body flush against the wall, you waited in stark concentration, drawing your knife from its sheath. The footsteps came close, nearing the room you were hiding in and just as an armed gunman came in, you rushed him. Putting one hand against their forehead, you pulled the other hand and dragged the knife into their throat, essentially cutting off the person from making a noise and ending their life. You pulled and lowered their body as they began to choke out, laying them on the floor gently against the wall, carelessly hiding the body.

Downstairs you could still hear shuffling of the other invader and you made your way to them, silently assessing.

From what you could tell, the other person was banging around in the basement. So you rounded a nearby corner to where the open basement door was until finally, finally, somebody came through. You took him down just the same as his buddy.

So unorganized, you thought. If they were really looking for you and Joel, they were doing a piss poor job of it.

You swiped a bottle from the kitchen as you strolled past, taking aim out a broken window. Giving it a nice little toss, it shattered against the other house and without fail, you heard the tell-tale signs of one of the other men asking ‘what was that’. You ducked behind the faded curtain until one of the targets came into view, watching how he was pensive and alert, fortunately he was by himself which made the next part just as easy.

As soon as the man walked by the window, you jumped out from your hiding spot and jabbed your hunting knife straight into the soft squishy part of his eye, surprisingly facing little to no resistance.

You pulled it back and repeated the motion again once the man made an audible noise, probably alerting his friend. In only a slight rush now, you jumped out the window and removed your blade, now stalking towards the front when you could hear the other man yell the other’s names.

Wrapping around the corner of a house in a whirlwind, you surprised the last one when you stood face-to-face with him. He looked at you, astounded, mouth agape and dropped his weapon - a handgun. Looking down at his body, he whimpered as he took in the sight of your knife now buried deep in his stomach as you yanked them up into his chest piercing his heart.

Copper scent filled the air as the hunter’s body gave out. His blood spilling down your front. Under normal circumstances you would’ve likely vomited all over yourself but considering the innate need to protect Ellie and Joel, all that shit is blown out the window.

All in all, maybe thirty minutes have passed, you wanted to check on Joel but the distant gunshots were making you worried. At the very least, the longer they went off, the longer you knew your little fighter was alive.

Okay, think, you tried to get yourself to focus. You came up with a rapid-fire plan and before you could second guess yourself, you ran. Refusing to stop. Each step in the plush snow found you closer and closer to your hideout.

Entering the home through the garage, you gave Whiskey a pat as you walked on by and headed straight for the basement. You pushed the undisturbed barricade from the door, grateful it signaled that Joel was safe. Entering the downtrodden room you grabbed your holsters, strapping them maybe a little more tightly than you should’ve and throwing your backpack over your shoulders. You double-checked your weapons, making sure they were fully loaded.

Once again, you kneeled next to Joel as he laid on the dirty mattress, huffing from the rising pain from the stitch in your side. “Joel? I’m gonna go back out and find Ellie. I’m gonna go get our girl,” you said.

You hoped you were telling the truth.

[chasingdasunshine]

took this like a week ago after literally falling to my knees bawling my eyes out but i do think this photo really captures the past 1.5 yrs…. mask, single tear, double chin, peace sign, red watery eyes, dirty car, crooked hat…. i’m so excited to be 24 and rid of the negative energy that lasted my whole 23rd year. literally the worst one by far. death(s) in the family, first heart break, unemployment, living at home, losing friends, the literal pandemic.. obvi some positive things happened too (new job, new place, winston, closer to fam) but negative just outweighed it by a lot haha. and really just pushed me so deep into a depression that i didn’t even realize it. i’m literally about to post this same caption on my instagram i swear so i’m trying to post it here so i don’t. who knows what’ll happen. but anyway looking forward to 24 being positive and continuing to develop good habits. kinda sad bc 23 is my favorite number. literally not anymore it reminds me of so much pain and hurt. i am so over being depressed and i want to get back to where i was 3ish years ago. i felt good and happy and ok with being alone. sometimes i feel like i should be taking medication i get so emo. but i am giving myself time. but the goal is only happy tears from now on and giving my energy to people who deserve it. mostly myself because i need that. if anyone i know ever reads this u better keep scrolling and ignore it hahaha. but ya good things coming just need to change my mindset and get over myself basically. stop caring what other people think and just grind. i feel like i haven’t been in this good of an opportunity for growth before and i need to take it. big thing of the year is that i’ve never been so comfortable with my sexuality (lesbian) before and im so proud of myself. telling every new person i meet about it. it’s a journey still obvi but im so open and accepted and loved anyway. from the people that matter that is. strangers/coworkers is fun too and cool to see. im excited to continue to develop relationships with co workers. some of them are the bomb. others not so much lol but the good ones are down ass homies. im excited to make money, travel (solo??), meet new people, date, not date, get tattoos, be a dog mom, be a good friend/daughter/stranger/aunt, learn new recipes, gain weight, lose weight, go to church, find new songs and whatever just experience LIFE. i truly have been missing out since i got dumped and honestly if i am completely honest with myself before that too and just have done a disservice to myself and everyone around me. i learned a lot from that whole experience and i’m glad to have had that but jesus did it have to hurt that bad for that long!!! i’m thankful for the people who stuck around during my valleys and hope they will stick around for the hills too. if u didn’t stick around then no hard feelings and wish u all the best. but honestly i was not a good friend and i understand. i’m working on myself in so many different ways and will be a whole new person coming up soon. hopefully. haha. anyway that’s my last electric journal entry for let’s sayyyyyy at least a month if all goes well lol but the goal is until 2022. word/theme of the year for my bday/the new year is growth/bloom/spontaneity/positive/good vibes/sunshine chasin. wish me luck! & if none of this happens then mind ur business and i probably got depressed and unmotivated again. check in coming soon 👹 (new fav emoji) byeeer