#labeling your fics

[hislittleraincloud]

Before I go back to writing, I have to say something.

DO NOT LABEL YOUR FICS "(character)/AFAB reader"

It's fucking trans exclusionary.

No, I don't care to read your grand explanations why 'it works for you' or that 'it's good because (x-reason)'. In the youths' quest to micromanage every little thing about human existence with a fuck ton of labels (which we Gen X did not give a shit for), y'all are transforming fiction into something that can't be enjoyed for what it is (and if you had a problem enjoying it before these exclusionary labels, then that's on you). It's like all the idiots bitching that x-character must be portrayed by an actor whose identity must be part of the fiction. Identity politics of that sort has no place in fiction/entertainment...it is fiction, and it requires some imagination and suspension of disbelief for an immersive experience. Writing is writing. Acting is acting. It's all fiction.

Fiction is an escape, and here you are actually suggesting that your readers should be AFAB in order to appreciate it.

I'm AFAB. I do not give a shit about the types of fic that are labeled this way because I'm a fucking transman who's been on T for over 25 years. Yet, this type of shit would be exclusionary to my trans sisters, just as "AMAB reader" would be exclusionary to me. We have enough fuckers around this country trying to micromanage us. We do not need fic writers to do that too.

AFAB, AMAB, who the fuck cares. Don't dictate who your readers should be. Just write and let people enjoy the writing no matter what genitals they possessed at birth.

And if you're really that concerned about the sex of your readers, then you're not really not writing for entertainment, are you? I'm not saying you can't have a target audience. All fiction has a target audience. But that doesn't mean that someone outside of the target audience can't or isn't supposed to derive enjoyment from what you write, and it makes it worse that this type of labeling just piles on the shit that trans people already have to deal with.

I'm not going to directly link the fic this applies to because I don't want to be accused of starting a war, but I'm also not linking because I finally read it (I didn't want to, given that label) and the fic is bad (terrible grammar...like Enid's blog! 🤣). There is absolutely nothing in the fantasy that requires that the reader be AFAB. A trans girl or trans woman could read that story and it wouldn't matter. So not only did the author try to define who the reader should be, they sucked at writing.

[cherrym-won]

I'm the same age as ni-ki. If a normal person like me has trouble sleeping and a light sleeper, and if someone wakes me up just an hour later I've slept, my whole body starts shaking and if i didn't get to sleep at all for more than 20 hours my head literally started spinning and i couldn't concentrate properly to whatever I'm doing, AND THIS IS EVEN WORSE. IMAGINE CHANGING TIME ZONES EVERY OTHER DAY WITH NO SLEEP AND WITH NON STOP WORK, DANCE PRACTICES DESPITE HAVING PROBLEM WITH THEIR HEALTHS‼️

DANCING AND SINGING FOR HOURS WITH JUST A FEW HOURS OF SLEEP ARE YOU KIDDING ME!????

AND THEY LITERALLY SAID THEY PREFER LONGER FLIGHTS JUST BECAUSE THEY GET TO SLEEP AND REST PROPERLY ON FLIGHTS!!??? NO DORM? NO BEDS? BUT ON LITERALLY FLIGHT SEATS!!??

THIS IS COMFORTABLE??? THEIR FLIGHTS IS THEIR HOME OR WHAT????

HOW CAN THEY TREAT THEIR IDOLS LIKE THEY ARE SOME KIND OF MACHINE!????

THE COMPANY OWNER IS NOT HUMAN??? TO SEE WHAT OTHER HUMAN'S ARE GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW!!!!? OR THEY JUST DON'T CARE AT ALL????

HOW TF THEY'RE LITERALLY MAKING ANOTHER COMEBACK IN SEPTEMBER????

GIVE THEM A BREAK AT LEAST FOR 2 MONTHS WITH NO SCHEDULE NO CHANGING COUNTRIES AND NO FILMING NOT EVEN EN O'CLOCK.

‼️‼️THEY NEED BREAK‼️‼️

WE CAN WAIT FOR THEM TO RECOVER FIRST AND THEN START WORKING AGAIN.

JUST LET THEM REST IN THEIR DROM AND EVEN BETTER WITH THEIR FAMILIES WITH PROPER CARE AND MEALS. WITHOUT ANY CAMERAS, NO FILMING AT ALL.

WE DON'T WANT THEM TO SEE FAINT AGAIN ON THE STAGES OR HAVING REGULAR VISIT TO HOSPITALS. THIS IS JUST NOT RIGHT.

WHAT KIND OF INHUMAN BEHAVIOUR IT IS????

‼️‼️ENHYPEN NEED REST‼️‼️

‼️‼️GIVE THEM BREAK‼️‼️

[arafilez]

STARS ON YOUR HEART ㅤㅤㅤ☆ ㅤ —﹙ S.MG ﹚

WHEN ㅤ,ㅤyou love mingi's chest freckles !

ㅤㅤ ᶻzㅤ( x reader ) 𓂃 ㅤ fluff pg13 ㅤ drabbleㅤ warnings kissing ㅤ⋆ ( 310 wc ) ㅤ❟❟ㅤ library ㅤ atz shelfㅤ navi

You stare at the wall quietly watching the clock show the time as you softly sink more into the bed. A hint of rosemary reaches your nose and soon you feel Mingi’s arms engulf your frame as they slide over to your waist and pull you closer.

“Sleepy?” his deep rumbles numbing your brain a little at the comfort of the situation as you hum turning around and staring at him. You giggle lightly when you feel his skin growing warm as he looks away, a pink tint adorning his defined cheeks and nose.

You love nights like this, doing nothing, just being in each other’s embrace until you two lull to sleep. It feels domestic, like a routine you would never get tired of and happily do it every day.

You trace your finger down his jaws and neck and rest your hand over his chest, drawing small patterns over those freckles you are so used to seeing. They look like stars on his heart and it makes you giddy loving how the freckles are in such an intimate place. A gasp leaves Mingi’s mouth but he smiles lovingly when he feels your lips press onto his freckles kissing them softly.

He hums in contentment over the feeling of your soft lips and just you in his arms and wishes it never ends.

“Mingi?” you whisper as he looks at you and you smile saying, “I love your chest freckles.” A small frown of confusion hangs on his lips before he replies softly, “Suddenly?”

“Just thought you should know,” you reply as he laughs softly, eyes becoming smaller and a small crinkle on his nose making it all the more adorable. You smile along with him as he pulls you tighter into his embrace and kisses your nose. You peck his lips before you both give in to sleep.

ARA'S NOTES ㅤ,ㅤ i love mingi's chest freckles smm omgg. that's it. that's my note. alsooo so sorry for being mia, i recently moved states so !

ㅤㅤ ᶻzㅤ( TAGLIST ) ㅤ @weird-bookworm @haneagerr @aaa-sia @yeosayang 𓂃ㅤ fill this or comment or ask to be added.

ㅤㅤ(ㅤㅤ© arafilez on tumblrㅤㅤ)

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

friendly reminder that putting 'x reader' as the label on your fic and then using a cover photo with a waif thin, petite, rapunzel ass, instagram aesthetic, white woman as the very first impression of what your fic is supposed to be about is a dick move

even if you don't add any descriptors of what the reader looks like in your fic (which, most of you slip up and do add them and don't care to edit them out) - having the audience's very first impression of your fic be that the love interest is a thin white woman says a lot about your unconscious thought process while writing the fic.

it says a lot about who you consider to be desirable in society and who you want your audience to be thinking about and picturing while reading the fic, when they should be thinking about and picturing themselves being desired by their favourite characters for polite escapism.

just a little tidbit for you

[lenle-g]

@mariashades said: maybe this from this story

He was still in the mud room and in the middle of getting his boots off when a voice piped up behind him. “Dad?” “Shh!” Jeff quickly got off his other boot and turned to see Scott and John standing behind him. How on Earth they’d slipped up so quietly, he’d never know. “Is your Mom home?” “No, why?” John asked. “I’ve got a little surprise for her. I’ve gotta hide it somewhere she won’t find it,” Jeff told them with a wry half smile. Hiding anything from Lucy was a mission in and of itself. “Wanna see?” “Yes!” both boys chorused and came closer. Jeff sat down on the step between the mudroom and the hallway, the boys draping themselves over his shoulders, and he pulled the bag out from inside his jacket. Delving into it, he pulled out a jeweller’s box and cracked it open to show them what lay inside: an oval green-gold gemstone pendant about a quarter the length of his thumb, slung on a golden chain. “Whadda ya think?” Jeff grinned. “Pretty. What is it?” John had his eyes fixed on the stone, fascinated by the play of light on the cut facets. “Olivine, and specifically, it’s pallasite meteorite olivine,” Jeff told them, well pleased by the ‘oooh’ from his eldest sons. “Think she’ll like it?” “Mom’s gonna love it!” Scott grinned. “Great, now, howsabout you two help me figure out where to hide it until her birthday?” “Yes!” They chorused, then scampered off to look for good hiding spots.

I could not get the shading on this to go right for the life of me, so here! Have the flats XD

[gothicdolores]

I’ve been periodically checking these past few days and it appears that the re-upload is officially gone, as is the person’s entire account, a thing I don’t suspect would’ve happened had they taken down the reupload on their own, but there it is and consequences incur.

I will not apologize for being annoying about this topic because it’s an aspect of fandom that affects how we interact with each other. It matters. It’s one of the few things we SHOULD absolutely argue about.

Anyway, here’s a link to Stupe’s actual archive:

Which is still accessible to enjoy and share.

Stupe’s last bio update was in 2021, and I hope she’s doing okay. Stupe was writing even then, per the update, and until FFNET goes down or permission is given, it makes reasonable sense to read Stupe’s archive exactly where it is. Stupe’s AU is so popular and influential to this fandom that even without any update in years, flowers should be left in the comments of these fics - that’s the way to show our appreciation.

I will go back into my cave and only come out of if my shadow doesn’t spook me like all the good little groundhogs do, happy new year to all and to all a good night

[tenjikyu]

i hate to bitch about this but it’s gotta be discussed.

why is it so hard to write gn readers. like, i just don’t get it. it just cannot be THAT HARD. (check my blog if you want, i’ve written gn fics and none of them have fem/masc terms in them without even needing to be double checked)

and if you’ve had people complaining to you about it, why do you say you’ll fix the issue when you wont?

it’s completely fine if you wanna write for female readers if you’re gonna fail THAT BADLY at writing gender neutral 😭😭 if you’re most comfortable with using she/her pronouns in a fic then GO WITH IT BABES BC THE FIC IS SO GOOD SO LETS LET YOUR PROPER AUDIENCE ENJOY IT

it’s just annoying when you’ve got a dick between your legs but you’re reading a supposedly gn fic after being referred to as princess,my girl, sister and pretty lady for the 100th time.

there should be no reason to write for a gender neutral audience if you can’t stick to it.

i’m not here to shit on anyone, i’m just saying that if you can’t keep your fics gender neutral then don’t write it. if you can only write for your specific gender then go for it! no shame in struggling to write for the opposite gender! just don’t let other people get annoyed reading your works then get pissed when they’re the ones who you mislead and they point it out.

anyways i came here to bitch bc i was stalking a supposedly gn blog with abt 80% of its content containing STRICTLY fem reader when it wasn’t labeled as such. (i’m not even joking, it was full on anatomy, titles, pronouns and EVERYTHING like there was no holding back on the fem aligned reader LOL)

[b0amagination]

Tastes of Whumptober: Day 9

I simply couldn't give this prompt to anyone else. No need to know my blorbos beforehand, you'll figure out their dynamic pretty quick.

Obsession

“This whole thing is really tipping into obsession territory.”

“You’re just now realizing this?”

Declan paused.

“I meant that as a rude comment, Hasan.”

They clicked the menu button and the racers on screen stopped moving. Declan reached over to resume it by clicking Hasan’s controller, but they jerked it away and set it out of view.

“Look here.” He looked. Stupid obedience training. “What do you think I do in my free time?” 

“When you’re not down here?” It took a moment to formulate an answer. When they weren’t in his face, he didn’t often wonder what his kidnapper was up to. “You have hobbies outside of torture, I figure.”

“I crocheted this,” Hasan volunteered, tugging the sleeve of their bolero.

“Really? I would’ve pinned you as more of a fast fashion type, considering your loose morals.” He had seen them wearing clearly upper-end clothing before, but didn’t want to inflate their ego any more than necessary.

The shock collar went off for just a second and he yelped, having nearly forgotten its presence. 

“I own a house. I can afford clothes that won’t fall apart when I so much as breathe on the seams.”

“Ohhhhhh, no wonder your landlord hasn’t checked on me yet.” They snapped their fingers directly in front of his eyes and he flinched. At least it wasn’t another shock.

“I asked you a question, remember? My free time.”

“Did you want a different answer? I said hobbies that aren’t torture.”

“And I’m saying you’re wrong.”

“Right, I forgot there’s another man chained up in every room of- hhhck!” He doubled over, instinctively trying to dodge the hurt. “What?! Do all of your hobbies somehow incorporate torture now?” 

Silence was a strange answer to that question.

“That doesn’t seem healthy.” In more ways than one. The second part almost slipped out before he bit his tongue.

The collar didn’t shock, but it vibrated softly in warning.

“Have you ever hyperfixated on a person rather than a subject or activity?” Hasan asked.

“Oh my god. I’m your hyperfixation.” It didn’t answer their question, but it was the intended conclusion. “Oh my god.”

“You’ve gone pale, Dec.” He jerked away from the hand on his cheek, but the collar nudged him and he let them touch. “Is it really that big of a deal to you?”

“I know what a hyperfixation is like.”

“Well?” They wanted to hear details.

“Well, I don’t know if you hyperfixate the same way I do, but I tend to associate anything and everything back to it.”

“Yes, I as well.”

Nausea slithered somewhere between his stomach and his throat.

“So all of your downtime is spent relating all your favorite things back to hurting me.” Though phrased as a question, it most certainly wasn’t. The spark in Hasan’s eyes understood that all too well.

“What can I say? It’s an obsession.”

Declan turned in his seat staring intently at the television, willing it to unpause so he could stop thinking and play, but it could never be quite so easy. A hand in his hair forced him back to Hasan, now so close their noses could touch. 

“You’re so tense…” A light touch over his sternum. “Let’s unwind with a game. What rules were we already playing with?” The shock remote in the corner of his vision told him they remembered quite clearly, and an attempt to lessen the stakes wouldn’t end well.

“We were playing seven random races for choice of takeout and use of my free time.” Declan couldn’t hide the tremor in his hands as he fiddled with the controller.

“Ah, no, that won’t do. If I lost ownership of your free time tonight I might go mad.” They tapped his cheek in thought. “We’ll restart from race one. I’ll play you for choice of takeout… and choice of weapon.”

[lacnunga]

'Parasocial relationship' this, 'I would die to be perceived' that, where is the 'complete state of apathy' towards famous artists? Like, I do not want to meet you, but also if you choose to walk into the smut fics I've written about your media, I feel no shame, you are the one at fault for this

[peacesmith]

i’m. not gonna say much, but if you think that me calling out ‘x readers’ that aren’t actually x readers and just end up being white women, is racist, then you need to reevaluate some things

[villainvillain]

ppl completely disregarding the nuance in mouthwashing’s story in favor of thirstposting over Mr. Rapist or Mr. Rapist Enabler is something that isnt surprising, but certainly is disappointing anyways lol

[arafilez]

੭୧ ⼂ PIECES OF YOUR HEART ﹗

ー☆ㅤㅤ [ bts ot7 x reader ] ㅤ੭𓂃 ㅤangst, hurt, comfort 𓏧 reaction when you realise your crush has a partner ㅤ warnings crying smoking drinking trashing ㅤ﹢ㅤ0.2k / mem wc ㅤ𓏧 ㅤ req

੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ KIM SEOKJIN ꒱

The clock strikes nine as you drown yourself in the work at the office. There is nothing more to be done and you are just loitering around but you don’t feel like going home. Not just yet. Images fresh from the small family gathering of your co-worker is still engraved in your mind.

Your co-worker. Your crush.

Since you were new, you should have known he was just being nice when he assisted you in your work for the past few months. Should have never fallen, like a teenager with a stupid, insecure heart. But seeing your co-worker’s partner just made it all the more clear. You are so engrossed in your thoughts you don’t hear the door opening.

“Y/n? What are you still doing here?” you jump at the voice and look across to a confused Seokjin standing there. Seokjin is your friend, joining the company almost at the same time as you, and you both were supervised by your crush.

A hand around your shoulder surprises you and before you can say anything, Jin’s musky deodorant hits your nose and you are in his embrace. The tears flow free and hiccups interlude but he lets you cry, hold tightening at the sound of your choked sobs. “It will be okay,” he whispers, a loose promise, but it comforts you nonetheless.

You have me, he wants to say but keeps quiet as your tears dampen his shirt and wrench his heart. You need time and he is willing to wait for you, always.

੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ MIN YOONGI ꒱

“Enough,” Yoongi scolds you as he snatches away the glass of wine, making you whine and reach for his hands. Your head hurts, limbs hurts, heart hurts and everything just hurts too much to care. Whoever said drinking can’t solve issues must have been out of their minds because it can. At least for a while.

He watches you stumble towards him from the couch of his studio and he quickly moves catching you right in time before your legs give up. Sympathy crosses his face as he watches your tear-stained cheeks and red eyes which give an intense proof of how long you were crying.

Frankly, he was quite surprised when your drunk self could make it to his studio without any obstacles. “How long have you been drinking?” he murmurs, to himself mostly, but you let out a quiet groan at his words. Your mind has registered itself into a haze, a repeat telecast of your crush with the partner looping infinite times.

Why were you so stupid to fall for your co-worker? Why couldn’t you just believe he wasn’t leading you on and you were just tripping on his sweet words and innocent escapes?

Yoongi pulls you up, breath hitching as your arms cradle his neck, your faint perfume hitting his senses making him realise how deeply he has engraved you in his thoughts. He brushes them off and strokes one finger down your cheeks tenderly.

“You will have a pounding headache tomorrow,” he tells you, barely being able to hear his own words over the pounding of his heart. He can treat you better, so much better and love you like it’s worth it. But maybe he has to wait for that a while.

੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ JUNG HOSEOK ꒱

The cup makes a shattering sound as you throw it to the floor, resonating in the empty house and your emptier soul. It would be termed as dramatic given how you were behaving right now but you were basically led on by your crush, bought gifts, been flirted with just to throw your feelings down a cliff.

You should have known really there was a spouse down the line, the wandering eyes should have been your first sign. The empty promises, and false resolutions were just to kill you slowly. It never became serious, and just when you thought it would, the real colours emerged. The partner came onto the scene.

“Keep the plate down,” your roommate’s voice reaches your ears and you look up to see him stand at the door, a solemn look and a steel curtain on his eyes as he downs your state. You keep it down, hands trembling and sobs racking through your body as soon as it reaches the table.

In quick strides, Hoseok closes the gap between you two saying, “We are here, people who love you, who want you.” “They are not,” you choke on half of your sentence as you cry and he slightly traces his fingers down your clothed back trying to calm you. “They are,” he whispers and his hold tightens, “I am.”

“I should have taken your advice,” you sniffle making him shush you as he holds you against the kitchen counter, heart beating too loudly for him to like, but it’s you. And he would like anything for you!

੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ KIM NAMJOON ꒱

“And then I got to know there is a partner,” you explain to Namjoon who hums lightly. You look at him with tired eyes feeling the emptiness grow in your body. You are not sad, you don’t want to cry. You are just empty.

Namjoon hands you a glass of water which you gladly accept and sip on lightly as he says, “Well it is just one instance, and there are plenty of other fishes in the sea. And besides, don’t get disheartened, someone out there is the one you are waiting for.” You nod lightly knowing your friend is actually great at giving advice when it comes to anything.

“How did I not see a single sign, like they were literally so big and neon coloured if visualised,” you chuckle dryly and Namjoon walks towards you holding you lightly against his standing form. “Sometimes you miss stuff when you are in love,” he says and you snort. Love! Right, that is exactly what there was.

“I feel so stupid,” you whisper, face pressed against his t-shirt as he traces the back of your neck to soothe you and says, “You shouldn’t. You can’t control your feelings can you?” You shake your head lightly to a “no” and keep quiet loving his embrace and words. He lets the comfortable silence stay, maybe loving it a bit too much with you in his arms. But not now, you need time and he is willing to give it all.

੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ PARK JIMIN ꒱

A whiff of smoke releases from your nose as you lean against the balcony watching the city lights twinkle. A blare of a car horn reaches your ears amidst the chaos in your mind and at the same time the doorbell rings. You balance the cigarette on your lips and open the door to see your neighbour standing.

“Jimin, come on in,” you reply and he shrugs, hands in pockets and hair slicked back as you two walk towards the balcony again. You know why he is here, at least you assume it’s for the incident.

“Heard about the morning news,” he starts and you chuckle, “Yeah, hilarious. I ask my neighbour out and turns out the partner can come from behind.” He laughs loudly making you roll your eyes as he keeps laughing until you glare which finally stops him.

“Well, at least your other neighbour is totally hot and absolutely available,” he says, a hint of sincerity and hope glimmering in his eyes which goes away in one blink and is replaced by a joking stance. You snort saying, “Have some shame, Park Jimin, at least wait a day.” He shrugs pulling the cigarette from your lips and putting it down and asks, “Are you really okay though?”

“Here I thought we would indirectly kiss when you put that on your lips,” you joke, a pregnant pause follows and you continue, “I will be, don’t worry.” He nods and adds softly, “I am there for you, always. And I can listen well.”

“I know,” you smile a little, maybe out of reassurance or maybe out of the sincerity in his eyes and for the first time that day you don’t feel so alone.

੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ KIM TAEHYUNG ꒱

Taehyung is blatantly surprised when he opens the door to your tear-stained face and swollen cheeks. You honestly don’t care as you push past him, inviting yourself in your best friend’s couch and lying down. He closes the door softly before walking over and looking at your state again.

“Do I want to know?” he jokes and you kick a throw pillow which doesn’t even reach his chest as he catches it easily and sits down. “Has a partner!” you say and he furrows his eyebrows in confusion before realisation strikes him and he says a quiet, “Oh.”

“Yeah oh! Be in love and get your heart broken is my ritual at this point,” you whine and he sits down beside you shrugging and says “Well, technically you should have understood when-“

“I don’t wanna hear your technicalities, Kim,” you snap and he raises his hand in defeat before sighing and saying, “Come here.” You happily invite yourself into his embrace and cry quietly. The tears dampen his pants but he pays no attention to that as you mumble incoherently about your crush and his heart wrenches with every single sob escaping from you.

As he holds you in his arms he wishes at least one day you will be able to see him like he sees you, and you will know how your ritual may have a solution right away.

੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ JEON JUNGKOOK ꒱

“Fuck your crush,” Jungkook screams and you reply with an equally loud, “Yeah,” before taking the shots from your respective glasses. The bartender pours another one into your glasses which you drunkenly clink and drink, giggling like kids and drink again.

“I told you, you never listen, there was something wrong, I told you,” he repeatedly slurs and you groan putting your head on his shoulders and say, “Well, a fiancée was never in my Bingo Card.” Maybe it’s the drink that finally gets your head but you swear you heard Jungkook whisper, “Thank goodness for the fiancée,” under his breath.

“What?” you register, pushing yourself off his shoulders and looking at him incredulously and he shrugs making you think maybe you did hear wrong. “Your crush is a stupid piece of shit, there are many more people who can treat you better,” he says and you smile lightly, loving the low light in the bar not reflecting the red hue on his face.

“Like me,” he mumbles but is thankful when you don’t catch it but instead go for another shot, his eyes longing for one chance. Any chance. With you.

ー☆ㅤㅤ [ ara's notes ] ㅤ੭𓂃 ㅤit might not be full comfort but i hope you like it, i have missed writing bts omg. ㅤ𓏧ㅤ libraryㅤ bts shelfㅤ navi

੭ 𝅄ㅤ ꒰ TAGLIST ꒱ ㅤ⏤ㅤ @weird-bookworm ㅤ𓏧ㅤ fill this or comment or ask to be added

ㅤㅤ(ㅤㅤ© arafilez on tumblrㅤㅤ)

[planetkiimchi]

a love letter to your ex | x.dj

featuring: xiao dejun x gn!reader (but y/n tries to wear a skirt so), huang guangheng (hendery) ft. huang renjun, johnny suh

warnings: mentions of food, glass shards, mentions of blood, xiaojun is an idiot, so so much angst. i didn’t realise i was this evil? but anyway hope it’s good angst <3

word count: 5.6k

summary — dealing with a breakup is hard. but you thought that it would be because you hated the other person, not because you still loved them! no one told you that. xiao dejun, in particular, seems especially determined to make things harder for you, and maybe, just maybe, you want to go running back to him.

dedication: @loves-theory hey nada! i hope you enjoy this one, and it doesn't let you down after the sneak peek you got. it's kinda crazy how this one came out less fluffy than i thought it would, but i hope it's okay.

GETTING OVER PEOPLE IS HARD. You would know. Yes, you and Xiaojun had broken up on good terms, knowing full well that you couldn’t put up with his late-night gaming and his habit of just kissing you instead of making up properly. In turn, he found you too organised (and particular) for him to deal with and hated your club-going habits.

So yes. You realised you just couldn’t live with each other. But that didn’t mean you didn’t love him anymore, and you definitely still liked him.

You see, it’s very difficult to undo months of loving habits and strange peculiarities. Every time you tied your hair, you were reminded of his fingers running through your hair and getting tangled in it, while you laughed it off because you loved him. Even if you were just a little bit annoyed.

You signed your texts with an “xx y/n” because that’s how Xiaojun did it. He always started his texts with “dearest y/n”, and signed off with “your favourite man”. Which was true, at least until you broke up.

With all this in mind, it was very difficult to be “just friends” with Xiao Dejun, despite your wholehearted promises that you would try your best to do so. Because all he had to do was run his hands through his hair, and you found yourself falling into the rabbit hole of no return.

Again.

These were the thoughts running through your mind as you half-heartedly listened to your friends, Shin Hyewon and Kim Aeri, discuss their own love troubles. Only theirs were much more amusing to listen to, because Aeri’s boyfriend, Renjun, was a literal angel. Her love troubles went something like, “He bought me my favourite perfume for Valentine’s Day, but I can’t get him anything for White Day because I’m broke and I feel so bad. Do you think he thinks I’m a gold digger because I never get him anything?”

(You don’t think Renjun would ever think that of her. Renjun is the most understanding person you’ve met, and he doesn’t look down on anyone. Out of all the trashy men in the universe, Renjun is definitely the most likely to be empathetic to Aeri’s financial debt, even if he didn’t and could never relate. That was just the kind of man that he was.)

You didn’t have to say that aloud, because Hyewon was ready to be the voice of reason. In the least patronising tone possible, she managed to convey your thoughts exactly without any snarky remarks that reminded Aeri how lucky she was to have a boyfriend like Renjun. Which was three entire snarky remarks less than you could have managed.

Hyewon’s troubles, on the other hand, often went unsaid. Hyewon hated to make things about her, even when she was obviously in need of support. You and Aeri had realised that if Hyewon needed help, you would have to provide it subtly, so as not to hurt her pride.

Hyewon was a strong, independent woman (who sometimes needed her man). But Johnny was a busy person, and sometimes he got caught up in his work, prioritising “his boys” over his girlfriend. Hyewon was no stranger to being stood up by Johnny, and there had been many a time that you and Aeri had had to show up in a fancy restaurant to order one meal to share to save your wallets. There were never any questions asked, but it went without saying that Hyewon’s relationship wasn’t the best.

The real reason she stuck with him was that Johnny had been the perfect picture of a significant other for three years, and after five years of dating, Hyewon just didn’t want to give that up. For a while, you even thought that Johnny might be intending to propose.

You supposed, that with all the similarities in yours and Hyewon’s relationship, you should have guessed that it would end up similarly. Not wanting a loveless, unmaintainable relationship, you had broken up with Xiaojun on good terms. It was a mutual breakup. It was supposed to be a stepping stone in the journey of your life. It was not supposed to be something to haunt you for the rest of your holiday.

Perhaps deciding to work at an amusement park was not a good idea, you fretted. You, Aeri and Hyewon had decided to do it ever since you were in highschool, to get a taste of having a job that was fun and exciting before you lost the chance to. At the time of decision-making, it had seemed like the perfect way to get a discount to theme-park tickets for a date with Xiaojun.

Now, it felt like a painful reminder of how many of your classmates, friends, and Xiaojun’s friends frequented amusement parks during the school holidays. Friends who were almost 100% sure to pity you for your breakup. (Friends who didn’t understand the concept of a breakup without cheating or shouting or crying or arguments involved.)

“Riri? Is it okay if I wear this to work?” You twirled around in the mirror, calling out through the open door.

“It doesn’t matter anyway, they’ll give us standard jackets to put on and—” Aeri’s voice, which had been growing louder as she came closer, stopped abruptly. “Y/n, I know your fashion taste leans towards the cutesy side, but I don’t think they’ll allow you to wear a plaid skirt to work. In winter. In the outdoor amusement park.”

You smile sheepishly. Aeri never criticised your fashion taste before, mostly because you took after her for the most part. However, that meant that you didn’t have a perspective on what to wear to different occasions, because your wardrobe consisted of the same style of clothes in different colours and patterns.

Hyewon grinned as she came in, taking your outfit in. “Is this how you plan to make Xiaojun jealous? Because it’s definitely going to work.”

You scowled at her. Was there no way to put the unprofessionalism of your clothing choice nicely? Hyewon was dressed practically in a black suit with a blazer, and she looked like she would blend in easily in an office situation. Clearly, you needed to borrow from her repertoire of comfortable yet presentable clothes.

Hyewon tossed you a matching set of black trousers and a white blouse, pulling Aeri out and closing the door as they left you to get changed.

“Oh and by the way, you have ten minutes to eat breakfast, or we’ll be late.” Way to make an exit, Shin.

IT WAS BITTERLY, FREEZING COLD. You had left your chapstick at home, and you were sorely regretting it. Despite the morning rush, your chapstick was an essential item and you never should have left home without it. You wrap the standard coat, laced in an ugly orange colour to differentiate the staff from the park visitors, tighter around your body as you try not to visibly hop from foot to foot. That’s a surefire way to get fired before even working for a day there.

Luckily, you were not working at the entrance, scanning people’s tickets as they passed through the barrier. That would mean having to look at your classmates individually and watch the flash of recognition pass over their face and the excitement in their eyes turn into pity. Why was it always pity?

Instead, you were out in the cold, limbs freezing to death. “Move along,” you called out, clicking the metal clicker once for each person passing through. One, two, three, four…

“Y/n?” Oh crap who is it please don’t be Yangyang or Haechan or one of the nosy ones…

Oh. It’s even worse, you realised as your heart sank. It was Hendery, the school prince. Probably prettier than yourself and master of making everyone’s heart swoon with his jet-black hair, which fell over his face and the back of his neck in waves. He was accompanied by no other than his best friend, Xiao Dejun.

You couldn’t help but feel the sting of, not jealousy, per se, but something close to betrayal and closer still to missing and longing. You used to be Xiaojun’s best friend, his confidante, his other half. Yet, it had taken no longer than the span of a week for you to lose your title and fall to the ranks of a, if not real then at least a forced, stranger.

You avoided his eyes and tried to remain in working mode. Because if he just bit his lip or turned his head to show off his perfect, sharp jawline, you probably wouldn’t be able to focus. In fact, you might just collapse right where you were, and your job would go right down the drain.

You chose instead to focus on Hendery, holding out one hand to stop them from progressing further in the queue. “Please wait here, sir.”

“Your lips are really dry. Would you like to borrow my chapstick?” You looked down at Hendery’s hands as he offered you his chapstick. Actually, you would, you decided. Your lips were cracked and you still had the rest of the day to endure. It wasn’t going to get any better, so you would take any help that was thrown your way.

You applied it quickly and gratefully before returning it to Hendery and waving the next batch of park visitors into the ride. Obviously, you realised the health concerns, but you weren’t crossing any boundaries socially. Over your time spent as Xiaojun’s significant other, you had grown close to Hendery, enough so that you could borrow items of his without feeling awkward or strange. As you waved them through, you didn’t miss the expression of jealousy that flashed over Xiaojun’s face, feeling a small sense of triumph at getting him to feel the way that you had.

LATE EVENING, SNOW FELL in dribs and drabs. It was still only the beginning of winter, so there was no heavy snow and no flurry of white, chilly wind. However, it was dark outside and freezing, and your blood felt frozen. You could swear your bones were stiff from the cold.

Still, it was a lovely evening, and the coat was comfortable enough. There was only one last batch of people going on the ride before the theme park closed, and just as you let them in with a smile, Xiaojun passed by.

You hadn’t been able to pay attention to him earlier, but his cheeks were red from the low temperature, and his eyes were as starry as the night sky. His smile was exactly the same as you remembered, gentle and encouraging.

“Are you leaving yet?” He asked.

“No.” Of course, as a staff member you would have to close up the ride before you could leave. It wouldn’t take long, but you didn’t want to be left alone with Xiaojun for any longer than a few seconds. More than that, and you couldn’t—and didn’t want to be—responsible for what would happen.

Hendery came up to the both of you, panting slightly. He had clearly been running, which gave rise to the question, had Xiaojun ran to find you? Why was he still at the park so late?

As the questions ran through your mind, Xiaojun said, “I’ll wait for you outside the entrance,” leaving before you could protest. Even if he had, what would you have said to him? You knew that once his mind was set, he wouldn’t change it no matter how hard you tried to persuade him.

You were saved by your coworker calling your name, and you went inside the heated area (oh, blissful warmth) and tried not to stress too much about it.

The sound of Hendery asking Xiaojun, “What are you doing, man? They clearly don’t want to talk to you.” didn’t go unheard by you, but by then they were too far away for you to be sure, and you had trouble discerning Xiaojun’s response.

The ambiguity of the sentence hung in your mind, fogging your senses. You mindlessly swept the snow off the seats and wiped them down, your body going through the motions, mimicking your coworker’s without a second thought.

However, as you picked up the lost and found items, your mind was on Hendery’s words. He was right, Xiaojun was (weirdly) a sore subject for you, and you didn’t really want to talk to him more than you had to. It went without saying that what Xiaojun was doing probably went further than what most friends did, and hovered in the grey area between platonic and romantic. Obviously, you still loved Xiaojun. You understood that he cared for you, but if he didn’t stop that you were going to fall for him all over again.

True to his word, Xiaojun was waiting outside the theme park for you, with Hendery idling beside him. Hendery’s arms were crossed over his chest, tapping his foot impatiently when you arrived. He shrugged his shoulders, as if to say, I tried to stop him. What more can I do?

But Xiaojun was too focused on you to realise the silent conversation you two were having. He looked like he was having trouble restraining himself from rushing over to envelope you in a hug. He jiggled his knee nervously as you went over hesitantly.

Aeri and Hyewon waited beside you, huddled together in the cold, but you were too curious to be bothered by such a superficial thing.

“What do you want?” Hyewon asked for you, seeing how slow you were to speak.

“P-please hurry so w-we can go home,” Aeri chimed in, teeth chattering.

“Just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Xiaojun mumbled. Noticing how red your ears were, he removed his scarf and wrapped it around you, almost as familiar as when he’d done it before you had broken up.

“I’ll meet you at the café down the street when school starts again?”

“I- Alright,” you sighed. Stupid feelings and the way you always fell for him.

“STUDY HANGOUT’,” AERI SAID mockingly, making bunny ears as she did so. “Yeah, right. It’s obviously a café date.”

“Ugh!” You threw your hands up in the air in defeat, collapsing in a heap on the bed. Xiaojun had taken you to that café so many times before for dates, and now that you two were “just friends”, he thought it would be okay to reuse the same idea? That wasn’t going to work!

Your friends weren’t oblivious, they knew Xiaojun still liked you, but you really thought you had made it clear that now that you were broken up, you would have to draw a line somewhere.

“I need to bring a friend,” you decided. “Someone who can make the boundaries clear and prevent us from doing stupid things— Not you, Hyewon. That’s too obvious. Maybe… Ten?”

Hyewon shook her head. “He’s too transparent, and he’ll either be absorbed in something else or completely forget that he’s the chaperone and not a wingman.”

“Kun?”

Aeri quickly shot off a text, and the ‘ding’ sound chimed almost immediately after. “He’s busy.”

“That leaves… No.” You stopped in your tracks. You couldn’t! That would be too awkward for all three of you. Plus, you inviting Xiaojun’s friend over? Wouldn’t that be against protocol?

Hyewon grinned. “Yes.”

“No!” You leapt up from the bed, trying to leave the room, but Hyewon blocked the way.

“Think about it. It’s perfect: Xiaojun would feel too awkward with his best friend around to hit on you, you and Hendery know each other well, and Hendery definitely agrees that Xiaojun shouldn’t go back to you. He’ll definitely cooperate the best among all of them. Unless you think Yangyang could do a better job?”

“There’s always Winwin,” you offered meekly.

Hyewon scoffed. “Please! As if he could look up from his games. Or if Kun successfully gets him to change this year, then he won’t be able to leave the library. They’ll be studying together.”

You sighed defeatedly. There was no use in arguing, once Hyewon had won the argument, she would definitely not budge. Aeri didn’t want to go against her, either, so you were forced to ask Hendery to chaperone you.

“Okay,” you announce. “He said yes.”

Hyewon nods approvingly.

YOU WERE THE SECOND TO REACH, and when you made a move to sit down, Hendery waved you over. You sat down opposite him, watching his concerned eyes but not giving any kind of answer.

The silence settled like sediments at the bottom of a flask of unstirred tea, uncomfortable and distinct from the smooth conversations you were used to, but nothing that would be harmful to your relationship.

Seconds passed, stretching like minutes. You tried your best not to fidget, avoiding Hendery’s eyes before his concern could overwhelm you. The anxiety and sweaty hands were enough to deal with.

“So what’s going on with you and Xiaojun?”

Speaking of the devil… Before you could reply, Xiaojun saved you from the awkward situation. He came up to you two, confused but not surprised at seeing his best friend and ex at the same table. His hands were behind his back, clearly hiding something.

“Am I interrupting?” You shook your head, and Hendery moved over for Xiaojun to sit.

With a shy smile, Xiaojun presented you with a small bouquet of flowers. The bouquet was a deep shade of red, with red chrysanthemums, carnations, and camellias, with blue salvias hidden in the center. You didn’t know how to tell him what the flowers really meant, having been interested in the language of flower bouquets for a time before.

“From a friend,” Xiaojun said quickly. “Just- just a friendly bouquet. For our friendship.”

How many times did he need to say it to convince himself? Because you knew better than anyone that Xiaojun did not give thoughtless gifts.

Red chrysanthemums, I love you. Red carnations, my heart aches. Red camellia, you’re a flame in my heart. Blue salvia, think of me.

Xiaojun knew what he was doing. You could see him asking the florist what best to give, trying to describe his message in terms that fit the flowers. You could see him watching attentively as the florist arranged the flowers delicately, carefully carrying it from the florist’s to the café.

And it was your anniversary. White day. You should be giving him flowers, if you were together. That was traditional, and you adored tradition. You always wrote a note or a card when you gave him gifts.

“Happy White Day!” You grinned, holding out the chocolate controller. You had specially ordered it for your one year anniversary, and were so proud of it.

“Happy White Day,” he replied softly, gazing at the controller with loving eyes. Perhaps, that was the same gaze he used to look at you. You tilted your head as if to say, Well? as you eagerly awaited his response.

“It’s beautiful.”

“It’s beautiful,” you told him. Then, right as he sighed in relief, “But not from a friend to a friend.”

Your words were whispered, but perhaps still too harsh. You took care to keep your voice low and not attract attention, but it didn’t ease the pain.

“Really, Jun? I love you, my heart aches, you’re a flame in my heart? Think of me? You can’t expect me to believe you randomly picked a bouquet. I know you too well for that. I don’t know what you mean by it, maybe you didn’t want me to know outright, but I do. And we can’t keep doing this anymore. I really can’t live like this, Dejun. You can’t keep chasing after me and expect me to be okay.”

“Why would you have to?” He asked, getting heated. Hendery put a hand on him, ready to calm him down—wrestle him back into sitting if needed—but he immediately lowered his volume.

“Because. We broke up, Dejun.” You stood up as you said this. You made to leave, and Xiaojun stopped you with a hand that was clearly clutching something. You pushed him away, maybe a bit too hard, because whatever was in his hand clattered to the ground. You noticed that the clear shards resemble glass, a choked gasp of shock stuck in your throat.

You stumbled back, too stunned to notice that you accidentally stepped on what’s left of his gift. You were so busy trying to get away that you didn’t see what happened next.

XIAOJUN FELL TO THE GROUND on his knees. tears streaming from his eyes. Quiet sobs wracked his body as his chest heaved, practically breaking down. He picked up as much of the glass as he could, the crystal shards glinting cruelly back at him. He sobbed as he tried (and failed) to put his broken heart back together, except it felt like it was falling apart exactly the way the shards of his gift did in his hands.

Hendery had seen enough.

“Get up,” he told Xiaojun. He handed him a stack of napkins, which Xiaojun used to wrap the shards in, stuffing it into his pocket. “Don’t touch anything, I don’t want you getting splinters and needing to go to the accident and emergency unit.”

Xiaojun's hands slid into his pockets, and Hendery immediately pulled them out. "You have glass on your hands. Don't be an idiot, you're already doing enough to hurt yourself."

Hand still on Xiaojun's wrist, he dragged him back to the bus stop, mumbling under his breath, "I just don't get why."

Xiaojun’s mind went blank as Hendery brought him over to his house, picking the splinters from his palms with a tweezer, muttering under his breath. Hendery’s parents weren’t home, or they would have asked Xiaojun to sit down for a cup of tea and fussed over his injuries like he hadn’t fractured his leg playing football before.

Luckily, Xiaojun was mostly fine. The blood was minimal, and there weren’t any deep gashes or cuts. The glass in his pocket dug against his hip bone, but the discomfort was at least familiar, and better than the emptiness he would feel for weeks without you.

Hendery slammed bandages and antiseptic on the counter, watching Xiaojun to make sure he cleaned up his wounds properly. Xiaojun tugged the bandages tightly around his palm, mouth pressed tightly together unhappily.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, you complete fool. You have to let them go. Don’t talk to them until you can do it without crying. I know, breakups hurt, but you agreed. Both of you are mature enough to get through this, you hear me?” Hendery reverted to Cantonese to say this to Xiaojun, sighing exasperatedly.

Xiaojun didn’t know if he could promise that. He didn’t know if he could live with a gaping hole in his heart, with the lack of interaction and “love you”s, cuddling under sheets with you.

He missed you so, so much, every bit of you. From the tilt of your head to the tips of your hair that curled when the air got too humid, the baby hair that fell in your face. He loved to watch you shake your head in annoyance, the hair curling around your ear in familiarity. The glint of your eyes when you were up to something, the way they sparkled when you held back tears, how they disappeared when you smiled.

He missed pressing kisses into the curve of your dimple-less smile, brushing over your cheeks and reminding you how stunning you were even when you were insecure of your skin. Loved the way your neck fit just right against him when you hugged him, the crook of your neck perfect for falling asleep in.

He missed your hands. Missed how icy cold they were in air-conditioned rooms, the gentle warmth coming off of them after gym class. Missed holding hands with you, fingers interlaced in a comfortable, unchanging pattern.

He wanted you back, wanted to carry you back into his life and welcome you to the home as if you’d never left. He wanted to have a conversation with you and not have it end in awkward silence, wanted to go back in time and change everything and what did he do wrong?

Could he have done something to make you cry when he gave you flowers, made you despise him to the point where you consciously avoided him? He couldn’t remember, but sometimes you bottled up your feelings and exploded at the seemingly smallest things. It took time to unpack your feelings and talk about it, after you’d avoided confrontation for so long.

He wanted you back, and he knew that to do that he had to apologise first.

EXCEPT THAT HE DIDN’T REALLY know how to. Not when Hyewon glared at him as soon as he got within two meters of you. Aeri’s glare was even scarier, it killed his courage immediately.

He had always seen Aeri as demure, pretty but innocent, and completely harmless. He hadn’t seen her defend somebody with her eyes, baring her teeth without opening her mouth in the slightest.

Her face fell so quickly when she saw him, scaring him away immediately. He couldn’t get near you, and as days went by, he started to question if it really was worth it.

He probably would have left you to simmer in your feelings if he hadn’t decided to play sad songs at home and cry in his room, which led to him flipping through old cards that he had received from you, leading to the (not-so-)brilliant idea to send you a love letter.

From a secret admirer, obviously, because if he put his own name, you would probably throw the entire envelope away before you read a word.

He sat by his desk for a good hour and a half, writing with a pencil and furiously erasing it when it sounded even the least bit like himself. Soon, his table was filled with eraser dust and the paper was marked with indents, and he finally settled on,

dearest y/n,

i think i like you. i’ve watched you for a while, and i want you to know you’re the most attractive person i’ve ever seen. meet me at the library, the middle row if you’d like to give me a chance? please?

- your secret admirer xx

The last line was a bit risky, since he knew you would recognise the way he signed off his texts, but it was still just ambiguous enough that any cheesy person could have written it.

He wasn’t good at changing his handwriting, but his hands were so sore from gripping the pencil tightly that he could rest assured you wouldn’t recognise it at all. The library’s inconspicuous, right? She’ll never suspect it’s me. I hope we’re far enough that Winwin and Kun don’t turn around to see us.

It haunted him throughout the night, the envelope sitting atop his table like a doll, watching him sleep and entering his dreams.

“A LOVE LETTER?”

You looked at it in surprise. It was plain, with the only indication of it being from a secret admirer the heart-shaped sticker used to seal it loosely. The cream paper felt thin, and was nothing extravagant. You were glad, at least it wasn’t blaringly obvious to anyone who passed by.

Hearing your words, Aeri was by your side in a flash. Renjun came over, eyes examining the envelope without a word.

“You got a love letter?” He asked. You frowned. Yes, you were surprised too, but why did he have to say it like he was shocked? Couldn’t you get love letters? After all, you were single now.

“I’m just saying,” Renjun said with a good-natured shrug. “I’ve seen Aeri get plenty of love letters even though we’re dating, but you’ve never gotten one before.”

“Well, times change.” You pried open the letter curiously, and scanned the contents quickly, trying not to raise your eyebrows too much.

Aeri snatched it from your hands, confused when you didn’t put up any resistance, frowning like you. Renjun peeked over her shoulder, nosily reading it as well.

“Wonder who it’s from,” Hyewon said suddenly. Your heart leapt in your chest, but you nodded and jerked your chin, asking her to read it as well to give her opinion.

“The handwriting looks familiar,” you muse, “but I can’t really put my finger on who it belongs to. Anyway, I’ll probably go, but just to reject them politely. I’m still… I think I’m still caught up in how Xiaojun makes me feel. I’m not really ready to move on yet, so I’ll probably think of some way to say that nicely.”

You have to give Renjun credit for not grimacing at what you’re saying, because usually if you talk too much about deep things, men tend to grow bored or cringe in embarrassment. Like you said, Renjun’s perfect and you hope Aeri treasures him.

You banish all thoughts of the letter to the back of your mind, that’s a problem for future you.

YOU’RE REHEARSING YOUR REJECTION SPEECH as you trudge towards the library, not dragging your feet but not particularly eager, either. 

It’ll go something like: Sorry, I’m not interested. I understand that I’m available now that Xiaojun and I have broken up, but I don’t want you to be a rebound. (If it’s a sweet person that you know, you might tell them that they don’t deserve that.) I’m not ready for a relationship, and I won’t be able to commit to one in the near future. Please, leave me alone.

You’re also contemplating if it isn’t someone nice, and whether you’ll have to run if they get violent or if it’ll be fine since you’re in the library. What would the librarian be able to do, anyway?

The library seat (in the middle row) that the mysterious person had specified for the meeting point was empty, but you sat down anyway. You anxiously tapped your fingers against the table, drumming impatiently as you waited for said person to arrive.

You gave your surroundings a quick look, spotting Kun, Xiaojun’s friend, who smiled at you and waved. Sitting opposite him, clearly struggling, was Winwin, who looked up and tipped his chin in acknowledgement before biting his lip and going back to his work.

You were just about to get up and search for the person elsewhere, when somebody walked up to you, and Xiaojun took a seat opposite you.

your secret admirer, xx. dearest y/n. It struck you like a punch to your gut. It was an innocuous enough way to start a love letter and to end one, but it also screamed Xiaojun, after all that time he’d sent his texts to you, you couldn’t believe you hadn’t seen his fingerprints plastered all over it. Quite literally so, because he had probably handwritten it. That was why the handwriting looked so familiar!

You got up, ready to bolt, but his hand grabbed your wrist before you could go anywhere. “Please.”

It was soft, filled with so much desperation and pleading that your past self would not have been able to endure. You would have caved immediately, listening to every word of his and hanging on to his apology. You could never turn him down anyway.

But you’d had enough. You were sick and tired of walking this tightrope, dancing between your tears and his. It always felt like with Xiaojun, you were going head over heels, tumbling, unconsciously turning over and over again. Now, the slope was getting steeper, and you were falling so quickly both you and Xiaojun were going to get hurt.

“I’m not your toy, Xiao Dejun. I’ve had enough with you. Please, leave me alone. I don’t want to do this,” you whisper hoarsely.

“Before you go- at least tell me something. Just- just this one question.”

He hesitated for just a second, but you caught it. “Was I a bad person to you? I hope I wasn’t. But I guess I was.”

“I didn’t want to- I didn’t think I was good enough of a person. I felt like I didn't do enough to deserve you and I don't want you to end up the way hyewon did, with a person she loved but couldn’t treat her right.”

The old Xiaojun probably would have left the moment tears threatened to drop from your eyes in a public place, in the school library nonetheless, where many people knew him and you were supposed to maintain silence.

As flustered as he was, he still refused to leave you like that, fumbling through his pockets for something to help. Fortunately, he found a packet of tissue in his pocket and he offered it to you, relieved.

“Xiaojun, can you not do that?” You sniffled, pressing the tissue to your eyes and your leaky nose.

“Do what?” The gall! The audacity to sit there and look handsome and clueless and pretend like he didn’t know he was driving you mad. That was the reason that you couldn’t stand just being friends with him! Didn’t he get-

“That,” you said, gesturing to him vaguely. “The thing you do with your hair. And biting your lip. And turning your head so I’m forced to see that perfect, sharp jawline. And really just being in my presence.”

“Lovely to know I’m ruining your day,” he replied. He dropped his hand to his side and fished in his pocket for something, pulling out a clip and pinning his hair back so his fringe stopped flopping in his face.

You grinned half-heartedly at his response, happy with the dynamic you knew best.

“So, about that letter…”

“Don’t push your luck. We’ll… We could try,” you say. Before he can rejoice, you add, “No promises.”

“Trying’s good enough for me.”

[separatist-apologist]

Tomorrows chapter is terrible. I'm sorry. I can offer a few things that might make up for it, though?

[fanonsupremecy]

Mood Board for my 9-1-1 OC Melanie "Mel" Narvaez. She's quite literally all i can think about. Might make one for her girlfriend Daphne "Dee" Monroe. Obviously another OC. They're super Bubbeline coded btw. This is for a seperate fic idea that's not on my pinned post. I think I'm gonna call it LAFD: Fire Queers (🔥🏳️‍🌈 if ya wanna make me write the drabbles). Its about Buck being a bisexual disaster (affectionate) and his relationship with being bi and with Hen and Eddie (cuz yes even tho i ship Bucktommy i still headcanon Eddie as queer and this story is about Buck's queerplatonic relationships mostly) but also diving into his relationship with Tommy and Buck just not being chill about it at all. Also Maddie supremacy (cuz i have a big fat gay crush on her) so she makes an appearance (actually many) starting with when Chim promised to take her to get her nails done but ended up having to work so he asks Buck to go with her and on a whim decides to get his nails done too when Maddie makes a joke saying it would be fun if they got matching nails and he says it sounds like fun and she meant it as a joke but if her baby brother really wants to she'll support him so they decide on blue and this is just the start of a long habit of her enabling his fashion experimenting now that he's not bogged down by a girlfriend's expectation of his manliness. Now dont get him wrong he's still masculine and he's still buck he just doesnt give a shit what anyone thinks if he decides to enjoy pretty things, nice things (cuz like he told Tommy: "I deserve nice things" "yes you do baby"). Maybe it never would've crossed his mind if Maddie had never said that but she planted the seed and he's having fun with himself and Tommy doesnt mind (finds it endearing actually) and Maddie enables him so he'll keep it up just as long as he sees fit (but maybe its also really fun to see Tommy get riled up when he puts on his skimpy shorts and a tight crop top). Mel comes on the scene as a transfer from Kansas (When she and Dee moved to LA) and her and Buck become fast friends when she comments that she has a girlfriend and he replies with "And I have a boyfriend" because he offered to spot her on the weights and she thought he was coming onto her.

[im-just-here-for-the-coffee]

👏CAN👏WE👏LABEL👏SHIT👏CORRECTLY👏?

Rant below the cut. Kinda strong language.

FFS im trying to find a Lilia Vanrogue x Male or GN reader because of the sheer amount of dysphoria female readers give me and i thought i found a gn reader one but not even halfway in reader is referred to as a woman and with she/her pronouns.

Lets just ignore the fact that NRC is an all boys school first and just realize that this was intentionally mislabeled and its fucking shitty. It also had x female, male and gn reader in the tags as well, preventing my tag preferences from blocking it from my search. For fucks sake. Don't be an ass and label your fics correctly please? Not every reader is fem, afab, female, whatever. It shouldn't be the default either.

Sincerely,

A very pissed off demiboy.