#kyra is bomb

[kiegotakami]

JUST GOT 39 OUT OF 40 ON MY QUIZ

[insomtiny]

didn't even know kard was having a comeback

[enwoso]

Kyra loving to mess with Lovie but she takes it too far one day and lovie gets very upset and tells on Kyra to alessia and Steph. Maybe Kyra hides esme the elephant and Lovie is in desperate need of a nap and can’t sleep without it

NOT COOL — alessia russo x child!reader

grumpy masterlist

you and kyra had a special type of relationship, maybe that's because kyra was like a big kid and loved doing silly things with you. like colouring in your entire arms with paint or making you own little world out of a cardboard box.

but kyra also loved to be a pest and that meant messing with you and sometimes pushing the wrong buttons. usually you wouldn't mind it and would find the funniness out of the joke.

but today kyra had taken it too far.

she had been taking your toys one by one and hiding them from you or putting them out of your reach before giving it back to you. but right now she holding your barbie in the air, as you struggled to reach it.

the young australian lifting it higher in her hand with each jump you did to try and get it. kyra giggling to herself as she watched you struggle and start to get frustrated.

you got bored of trying to get the barbie doll and wondered back off towards your mummy who was sat with steph as the talked over a coffee. alessia noticing you coming over with a sad frown on your face as she opened her arms for you to fall into.

"what's wrong lovie?" mummy asked as she lifted you onto her lap, steph sending you a small smile but the frown was still on your face.

"rara won't give me my barbie back" you pouted as you sunk into your mummy's arms. a small gasp came from steph as she shook her head.

"well we can't be having that, she's naughty isn't she" steph nodded as you said a small yes, a little chuckle came from alessia as usually it was you and kyra causing trouble together.

"i'll get your barbie back for you lovie, but do you want to have a little sleep while we are in the gym?" mummy asks as you nod. alessia could tell you were a little sleepy just from the way you wondered over. that and the fact you had basically sunk into her arms.

"i'll get your blankie from the car, okay" mummy says as she lifts you from her lap before mumbling to steph she wouldn't be long, steph just waving the blonde off as she rushed out the room her car keys jangling in her hand.

"wait, i need esme" you pouted as you eyes scanned around you from your favourite teddy. steph looking around too for you. "is that your elephant stuffy?" steph asked as you nodded.

"where did you have her last tiny?" steph asked as you sat for a moment in thought before perking up a little, "with rara"

"do you wanna go and see if esme is still in there, and i'll wait here?" steph suggested as you slipped down the seat and wondered into the room next door, to look for your elephant stuffy.

in the time you were in the room next door, alessia had came back with your blankie a puzzled look on her face to see you not sat with steph anymore.

"don't worry she's just gone to find her esme the elephant" steph smiled as alessia let out a sigh of relief.

"good she can't sleep without her little elephant, she's had it since she was born" alessia explained sitting back down in her seat as she lifted her coffee cup back up to her lips taking a sip, a small twist of the lips as the coffee had started to go cold.

the two fell back into conversation just as you wondered slowly through the door, a sad smile on your face. a one not two dissimilar to the one you first walked into the room with.

"i lost esme" you whispered, your bottom lip wobbling slightly as you walked into your mummy's arms. your mummy started to coo as you wondered into her arms, your entire mood deflated at the thought of looking your special esme elephant.

alessia knew it was only a matter of time before you would start to cry, it was like a ticking time bomb. you were going to boom any moment so alessia needed to find a solution and quick.

"can you remember where you had esme?" your mummy asked softly as she moved your loose hairs that had fallen from you bobbles out from your face as you shook your head, your bottom lip still wobbling. steph looking in with a pout.

“well i need to find it because she won’t have a nap or even sleep without it” alessia sighed as she tried to think of where you could of put the small elephant teddy.

“you don’t think kyra would have esme?” steph whispered as you’d moved so that your head was now buried in your mummy’s chest as you twirled the ends of your hair around your finger. a motion you only ever did if you were tired.

“more likely to of hid it” alessia grumbled, her and steph thinking of places alessia could look around the training ground. steph already agreeing to watch you as the blonde did the rounds of the training ground looking out for either kyra or esme the elephant. knowing whichever one she found first the other wouldn’t be far behind.

alessia began to peel you from her arms as you whined not wanting to let go, “no mummy-“ you pouted as you were placed on the coldness of the chair.

“lovie, mummy’s gonna go and find esme. you and steph can watch peppa on your ipad” alessia pointed towards steph who had your ipad in her hand tapping away at it.

you quietly groaned as tiredness was taking over your body as you slowly moved closer to steph so you could see what was on your ipad screen as alessia slipped out the room.

alessia should have known trying to find the young australian wouldn’t have been an easy task, alessia had looked in every corner, room even going as far to ask everyone she’s passed in the training ground and nobody had seen kyra. alessia was starting to think the girl had gone home.

“you haven’t seen kyra?” alessia asked leah who looked up from her laptop a shake of the head as alessia sighed moving onto the next spot.

stopping a few other of her teammates, manu, vic, laura, kim, stina. as they all gave the same answer, “no sorry” before telling the blonde who next to ask or where to look next. alessia feeling like she was detective trying to crack a high status case with nobody telling her the answer she wanted to hear.

“oh, have you seen kyra?” alessia asked katie as she passed her in the corridor, katie paused for a moment before shaking her head, “no what she done now?” katie laughed.

“she’s got lovies esme the elephant” alessia sighed as another laugh came from katie. “have you tried the gym? there’s a couple people in there i think” katie told alessia as she nodded taking the advice before thanking katie and moving further down the corridor.

"have any of you seen kyra?" alessia spoke fast as she poked her head through the gym doors beth and lia looked at the blonde before at each other before shaking their heads. "no why?"

"she's took lovie's teddy" alessia sighed as the two nodded, "and she won't have her nap without it"

"have you tried outside?" lia suggested as a slight smile came onto the blondes fast that was the one place she hadn't looked.

"your a genius lia!" before the two had a chance to response alessia was out the door rushing towards the pitches as lia and beth both looked at each other with a similar puzzled look on both their faces before they shrugged carrying on with their stretches.

alessia rushed towards the pitches seeing kyra in the distance playing with one of the footballs as she blasted it into the goal in the distance.

"kyra!" alessia yelled across the pitch as the young australian turned around her smile dropping when she saw the unfamiliar serious look on alessia's face, a one the young australian hadn't seen many times before.

"hi lessi" kyra said so innocently as with each step alessia took towards the australian, kyra would take to back. alessia rolling her eyes having very little patience for silly game after spending twenty minutes looking for the girl.

"drop the act, where's the elephant teddy?" alessia asked getting straight to the point as kyra just shrugged a smirk threatening to perk through her lips.

“what elephant? i haven’t seen no elephant?”

"kyra, this is not cool i'm being serious, she won't have her nap without it. where is it?" alessia asked a little more sternly this time as the australian sighed, feeling a tiny bit bad and the fact the game was over now.

"in my bag in the locker room." kyra said quietly as before kyra had even finished the word room alessia was rushing back from the pitches to the locker room where she’d started her search nearly thirty minutes ago.

making it back to the locker room and low and behold their was your esme, her head popping out the bag. it being very obvious really where it was, alessia being slightly annoyed with herself that she didn’t see it the first time she was in there.

shoving kyra’s bag back where it was when she first walked in she walked the long stretch of the corridor back to where you were sat with steph, esme the elephant held tightly in the blondes hand. part of being scared that if she did have even the slightest of looser grip on the teddy that it may go missing again.

walking through the double doors, steph immediately looking over a small sigh of relief coming from her as she looked back to where you were, still immensely engrossed in the peppa pig show on your ipad.

alessia walked a little closer holding the teddy up in the air like some sort of trophy and in a way it was as it meant you’ll finally be able to go for your nap. a small stifle of a laughter coming from steph at alessia’s actions.

you moving your head to look at what the commotion was in the room, looking and seeing your mummy walking towards you, a gasp coming from you as you made grabby hands for your esme. alessia lifting you from steph’s lap as you sunk into the warmth of your mummy’s arms.

“need i ask?” steph asked with a wince as she had a feeling already who esme the elephant had ended up a victim to. a shake of the head came from alessia as you settled into her arms, your teddy snuggled up to you as a comforting sigh fell from your lips as you eyes slowly began to flutter shut.

“she’s such a pest” steph joked as alessia hummed loudly agreeing, “she is — at times”

[wileys-russo]

Kyra cooney-cross "I don't know how you managed to make me your girlfriend" (in a funny way) london colney

kyra cooney-cross

if there was one key attribute that no one could ever deny you had, it was patience.

hell you had to in order to date kyra, the girl was like an energiser bunny on a slow day and didn't need any sort of substance to be bouncing off walls.

you'd grown up together and gone through the youth teams side by side, so overtime you'd learned exactly what it took to try and navigate being her girlfriend rather than her babysitter, though that wasn't to say there wasn't days where that line felt blurred.

today was one of those days.

with the weather outside set to storm all day the training program had been altered to mean no one needed to train outside, the flu making its way through london and a big game coming up on the weekend the the coaching staff weren't ready to take any risks.

most of you didn't mind the change, taking the opportunity for further strength training in stride.

one person who did not like the change however was kyra, whose pent up energy coupled with the shitty weather meant she was like a ticking time bomb, unpredictable and ready to go off at any second.

"ky, baby please stop that." you sighed, your girlfriend stood in front of you as you sat up on the weights bench, repeatedly punching the air in front of you, her fists mere millimeters from your nose.

"can't, i'm like rocky!" kyra puffed, making all sorts of strange noises as she continued, another sigh leaving your lips as you dropped down to your back and continued with your exercises, kyra reverting to now kicking the air.

"kyra! do your program!" kim yelled out from across the gym, the words falling on deaf ears as the captain gave up for the day, having been pushed to her very wits end by the young energetic aussie who seemed allergic to sitting still.

"ky, honey please do your weights." you sighed as you finished your reps, your girlfriend returning to her punches, again only millimetres of space between her hands and your nose.

"fine! spot me." kyra groaned as the two of you swapped, her laying down on the bench, your own program long finished as kyra wasn't even halfway through hers.

"babe, focus please." you reminded as the brunette chattered away mid chest press, the bar slipping slightly as you hurried to grab it but she assured it was fine and continued on her way.

"whats next?" you held your hand out for her program as she tossed it to you, causing you to sigh and unravel the crumpled up ball, running your finger down the list. "bicep curls." you nodded for her to grab the hand weights.

"don't need those. i'm massive!" kyra stood up on the bench and began to pose, grunting and heaving as she flexed and moved like a body builder, rolling her sleeves up as you watched on unphased.

"wonderful, bicep curls please." you held up the hand weights as the brunette dropped back down with a huff. "you're no fun sometimes you know babe, like a wet blanket." your girlfriend accepted the weights as you chuckled.

"well you have enough fun for both of us, someones gotta keep you on the right track." you gestured for her to start, the girls around you watching on in wonder at the utter patience and the fact that kyra seemed to listen, able to work through the rest of her program with minimal interruptions.

"ky maybe thats not the best idea." you warned as she moved into the other section of the gym, grabbing the ropes and starting to pull herself up. "its fine! look im like a monkey." the brunette started to make noises as she swung herself back and forth and you took a seat.

"you've got twenty on the bike and ten on the rower and you're done. can we please get it done? then you've got free time and lunch." you tried to encourage, most of the other girls long finished as your words fell on deaf ears.

"you have the patience of a saint." steph sighed pulling herself up to sit beside you as kyra continued to swing. "just the practice of one is all." you chuckled, again try to coax kyra into finishing her program but to no avail.

"kyra i really don't think thats a good idea." steph warned as the girl dropped and started to try and wrap her ankles up to hang upside down from the hoops.

"sometimes you just need to let her do something dumb, its the best way she burns off energy and learns a valuable lesson." you shrugged as steph looked to you to continue her warnings.

and sure enough, your words rang true as kyra swung about upside down.

"im the king of the castle and you're all dirty rascals! oof." with a loud thud and a grunt she fell from the ropes to the floor with a groan, wincing as the ropes all fell down on top of her to complete the accident, the girls who were left in the gym all roaring with laughter.

with a sigh you hopped down and offered her a hand up, her face flushed bright red with embarrassment as you shook your head.

"ky baby some days i really don't know how you managed to make me your girfriend."

[woso-dreamzzz]

Playing Favourites

Arsenal Women x Child!Reader

Summary: You definitely have favourites in the Arsenal squad

Leah, as a football player, is very cool.

Leah, as a sister, is a bit annoying.

It's clear to everyone that you were the happy little accident of the family, so much younger than your siblings, but Leah especially enjoyed taking you everywhere with her.

It wasn't uncommon for her to kidnap you from Milton Keynes and make the long drive back to the Arsenal training grounds. Honestly, your parents kind of just accepted Leah's loud presence in your life without complaint.

She was quite annoying though, sometimes. Like now, when she woke you up super early to take you to practice with her.

You were grouchy and moody but looked especially cute in your Arsenal puffer jacket and your little hat.

"Come on, bean," She says, hoisting you up onto her hip as you lag behind.

"Leah," You whine," Tired."

"I know," She says," I know but we're gonna have a lot of fun today. I promise."

You groan anyway, going limp in her arms as she wanders into the locker room. She sets you on your feet as she changes and you groan again as you wander around in an exhausted haze.

You bump into Viv and give her the international sign of 'pick me up please' - grabby hands. She holds you a bit like you're a bomb about to go off but you're relieved all the same. Viv's comfortable and you're happy to rest in her arms.

Jen approaches. "Hey, baby Williamson," She says, reaching out to push your hair out of your face.

You make an annoyed noise and turn away, burying further into Viv - who relaxed slightly now that you've gotten comfortable.

"Oh, come on." Jen pops up on your other side. "You can't really be choosing Viv over me? I'm way more fun!"

You turn your head away again and shut your eyes. Your breathing slowly changes into soft puffs against Viv's collarbone and your head lulls.

Viv has to change her hold to make sure you don't go tumbling to the ground.

"Looking good Miedema!" Beth wolf whistles but Viv ignores her, focussed on making sure that your hat is firmly on your head.

You're kind of in a half-sleep state - still kind of awake to know that Viv is moving outside with you but asleep enough that when your eyes finally blink open again, you feel more well rested than when Leah got you bundled into the car this morning.

You rub at your eyes and stubbornly turn away from Leah when she comes over to grab you.

"Bean," She says in disbelief as you slip from her grasp and hide behind the better Lia's legs," Come on! Are you still upset?"

"She woke me up early," You tell Lia, who affectionately rubs a hand through your hair. "Meanie." You stick your tongue out.

Lia laughs. "Yeah, she is a meanie."

"Meanie!" You say again.

"Hey! I'm your sister! You can't call me that!"

"Meanie! Meanie! Meanie!" You stamp your feet and glare.

Lia laughs and hoists you up onto her hip when your sister goes to grab you. "Come on, bean," She says," Let's get away from this meanie!"

You spend a lot of training with Lia and you also branch out to Kyra too. You don't know her at all. She's very new to the team and she's Australian too, like Caitlin and Steph, so she's very exciting.

You kick the ball away from her, one hand wrapped tightly around her shorts so she can't run away from you.

"You're Leah's sister, right? y/n?"

You nod. "Uh-huh. You're Kyra."

"I am."

"You've got a cool accent," You say. You take her hand, swinging it back and forth," Let's be friends."

She sends you a silly smile, kneeling down to your level. "I know another little girl like you. Her name's Harper. You can't be much older."

You nod along. "Does that mean you know how to play?"

"I do know how to play. What do you want to do?"

You think for a moment before slapping her on the leg. "You're it!" You turned to run as fast as your little legs will carry you.

Kyra laughs as she runs after you, catching up to you a few times but dramatically tripping on her own feet when she's about to tag you.

You weave through the groups of girls training, ducking and dashing through their open legs so Kyra can't grab at you.

"Whoa, bean!" Steph says, grabbing you by your waist when you clamber through the gap between her legs," Be careful. I could have crushed you."

From the angle she's holding you at, you can't quite see Kyra yet. You don't know where she's going to pop out of so you try to push Steph's hands off of you, not at all in the mood to play her games.

"Whoa! You got somewhere to be, bean? You can't hang out with me?"

"Let go!" You say firmly, trying to push her hands off," Kyra's gonna get me. Let go, Steph!"

Steph sets you down at your insistence, glancing around, but doesn't quite relinquish her grip on you. "Sorry to break it to you, bean, but I think Jonas needs Kyra for something."

"Steph!" You groan as though it's her fault that Kyra could no longer find you.

"Sorry," She says," How about I play with you instead? That'll be fun, huh, bean?"

You roll your eyes, turning away. "No, Steph. You never play right."

With your game with Kyra suitably ruined by adult jobs and all of your running finally catching up to you, you end up near Lotte.

She's always nice and calm and lets you nap against when you're sleepy.

You're yawning when you finally make it over to her and the new girl. You recognise the new girl vaguely but you're very sleepy and Lotte looks nice and warm so you clamber onto her lap without thinking.

"Oh!" The new girl says, almost gasping at your sudden appearance.

"Leah's little sister," Lotte explains. She jostles you slightly. "Hey, bean, say hi to Alessia."

"Hi, Alessia," You parrot but your attention is waning and that's all the words they get out of you as you sag against Lotte's chest.

"I think I recognise her," Alessia says," Leah gave away her Euro's medal to her, after we won."

"I have all of Leah's medals," You slur, somehow still awake.

Your shirt's ridden up a bit so Alessia moves to pull it down, only to get her hands clumsily swatted away. "No," You say," No play. Sleep."

"Don't mind bean," Lotte explains," She needs a nap and Katie's favourite thing is pulling her shirt up and blowing raspberries on her stomach."

Alessia laughs and that rubs you the wrong way and you uselessly swat in her general direction. "Sleep," You insist," Night-Night."

You conk out pretty quickly on Lotte's chest when new-girl-Alessia finally quietens. You're not quite sure how long you were sleeping because you come back into awareness inside so there's no moving sun to see if you were sleeping a long time.

You recognise these arms though and you really don't want to be in them, given your rather sour start to the day. With your uncoordinated limbs, you try to push yourself away but the person holding you keeps readjusting their grip, keeping you trapped.

"No," You whine," No, wrong. Wrong."

"Wrong?" You sister laughs," What's wrong, bean?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Want the other Leah," You insist," Lia! Lia!"

"Give her here." You're transferred into the Lia you wants' arms and relax instantly into them, yawning and rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

"Oh, I see," Your actual Leah scoffed," I see, bean. Playing favourites? Really? You don't even have good taste. We all know I'm the superior LW."

"No!" You say stubbornly," Lia's the best!"

Lia laughs, hoisting you up further on her hip. "Well," She says," The bean has spoken."

[suzie-shooter]

Alex Rider season 3 unhinged liveblog ramblings scribbled during first watch. Spoilers, obvs. (also fair warning, I am not particularly a fan of Tom or Kyra lol)

Episode 1 - Widow

S2 recap trivia - Alex's therapist is Molly Doran from Slow Horses and married to Alan Blunt IRL

Malta: Ok, so we're not just going to pretend it's Venice lol.

Creepy old men already hitting on Alex. Standard.

"After this we're out of leads." How do you even have any leads in the first place? Oh ok, Smithers' phone. Terrible security protocols from him, leaving that much historical classified data on it.

"Find the Widow - surely he could have given you an address?" First thing Tom's ever said I've agreed with lmao

Aaaand within a second he's back to being deeply irritating, okay.

Yassen living rent free in Alex's head, you love to see it.

"They've got this picture of me being the responsible one." Have Tom's parents actually met him?

Ooh Razim mention.

You maybe want to clean that wound before whacking a dressing on it Alex?

"Do you think you'll ever lose your appetite Nile?" Spat my drink.

Damn, no harem pants then. Scrubs up well tho.

Listing Levin in the opening credits than having him be only a S2 flashback should be a warcrime.

Episode 2 - Lab

"This weapon is called pork sword, wait, no, shit, wrong USB."

"Julia Rothman. Definitely a wrong un." Spat my drink again.

Do Crawley and Pritchard not warrant helmets and visors? Are they somehow immune to shrapnel?

So, room 6, wired to blow, yes? It's what I'd do…

Oh yeah sure guys, they're going to still be sitting there, all unmoving in the dark, for sure that's a person, and not a Massive Trap.

Thereeeee we go. Agent mince. Top of your class huh, well you're certainly at the top now, and down the sides and partially out of the window.

I know there's the whole 'characters don't know what genre they're in' thing but you are literally in the 'working for MI6 genre', you are up against people notorious for booby traps and blowing shit up, why the fuck would you touch something that hadn't been declared safe first? Apart from anything else you're fucking up the scene before forensics get there.

"I love you man." Vom.

Alex: breaks into super sekkrit lab. Also Alex: doesn't have the faintest fucking idea what he's looking at, so not really helpful.

COMICALLY LARGE BOMB KLAXON.

Episode 3 - Enemy

"Welcome to Malagosto." OooOOooh.

Maybe I'm just looking at it from a fic writer's perspective but it does seem a massive anticlimax to immediately let Tom and Kyra know Alex is okay? Like, you could have got a good couple of episodes of angst out of that uncertainty.

"Do you want me to kill them?" Oh God yes please.

Why the fuck have they plugged the USB directly into the network rather than an isolated PC? 'Hur dur we checked it first', you literally believe Scorpia are smart enough to not be bluffing about the nebulous death threat but you don't think they could hide something on the hardware? Fuck's sake lads. Amateur hour.

Is this Home Secretary meant to be Suella Braverman? Or Priti Patel maybe lol. (Equal rights and all that, and if it had been a white male character I don't think I would have thought twice about the dialogue but having both your two new female characters be immediately proved wrong/ massively patronised/ blown up ain't hugely comfortable viewing tbh).

HOW MANY FICS INVOLVING ALEX GETTING FUCKED ON THAT BED HAVE JUST BEEN BORN?

"Are you suggesting we break into a dead man's house?" "It's not like he's going to be there." 😂

"He became a very close friend of mine." Fnar.

Omg making Alex read his father's love letters is hilarious.

Alex: you could have faked that news report Also Alex: handwriting can definitely never be faked (how is Alex even familiar with his dead father's handwriting? wouldn't recognise mine)

Ugh please stop trying to make Alex/Kyra happen.

Alex up the vent shaft. I hope they're sitting casually at the top going - you could have just taken the stairs love.

If he's climbing upwards, why is his hair dangling like he's upside down? Have they filmed this like 60's Batman, and he's just crawling along a horizontal set lol.

Alex never once asks about his mother does he. Given the shagger-John route they seem to have gone down you almost think Julia would be in a better shout of getting Alex to switch sides by claiming to be his mother.

And - yeah, Alex's recruitment just doesn't feel that convincing here. Adding Tom/Kyra/Jack so much to the mix has changed the feel of his life a lot, and TV verse Alex has had a lot less fucking over by the Department by this point too. And Rothman feels too creepy to be effectively convincing him of anything.

"I want you to meet your tutor." FUCK YES FINALLY 🙌 (may have rewound that part several times lol)

Episode 4 - Recruit

Nicaragua: 18 years ago OH MY GOD IT'S HAPPENING

Baby Yassen is adorable, I'm in love.

OH MY GOD THAT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE FUCKIN SPIDER THING

OH MY GOD THE REVEAL OF HIM STANDING OVER THE SLEEPING ALEX I'M DEAD

(Ok, I'm calm again. For now. We continue.)

"You killed my uncle" - all the hundreds of ways this conversation has been written over the years and Yassen's just like lol get over it 😂 (here for it tbh)

Rothman: He's one of our best Yassen: One of? Bitch.

Yassen watching Alex train like 👀👀

"Did he ever tell you you're no fun?" Oh you want to have FUN with Yassen do you?

Yassen bitchslapping Alex to fuck, both hilarious and hot.

Oh, you want to be WET wet.

"Matteo's the guy with the blanket." Why is that so funny.

Omg Yassen stepping in to protect his boy and humiliating Nile in the process lol. And Alex doing what Yassen tells him, because of course he does 🥰

"This one is my responsibility" 🥰🥰

"What about love, friendship?" Alex has only known Yassen five minutes and is already down bad.

"Kind of lonely though, right?" Yeah, Yassen needs you at his side Alex, so step up and stop being a whiny little bitch about killing people.

Never get in the first taxi, rule one of espionage.

Yep, called it. Tom's like: I'll have my fucking tip back in that case.

This scene is so dark I have no fucking idea what's going on, I thought Nile had attacked Alex, but apparently not. Is Nile officially part of this exercise or not, it seems really unclear lol.

The power of friendship and sparklerabbits saves the day, apparently. Yawn.

Jesus, we really ATE with this ep, huh.

Episode 5 - Revenge

"Would you rather your arms around me, or my arms around you?" Way to make it creepy Tom you skeevy fuck.

"Can we focus please?" "We're multi-tasking."

Sure Grendel, rock up to the super sekkrit spy base in a massively conspicuous car why don't you?

"Yassen will give you everything you need." Oh I BET he will.

Feels sloppy them not removing the diffuser from the vent tbh.

"What does this say?" Alex hasn't inherited John's neat handwriting then lol. Alex leaning into him like that > me making noises only dogs can hear.

"You've put lockpick?" "I left my last one in Nile."

Ooh, suicide pill, nasty. Kind've pointless though, given they've been left with the evidence anyway.

Yassen in Alex's bedroom again, likely place for him to be.

"I don't want you to fail. I don't want you to die." 🥹💕🥰

Yalex roadtrip, let's goooo.

Disappointed they're not making Alex do the Entrapment infrared acrobatic sequence here lol.

If this is Yassen's idea of a date it definitely needs work.

So no surprise scorpions then? Can't have shit in Detroit Malta.

"Why? Why did she kill him?" Well taking things at face value here he was a highly murderous member of a terrorist organisation, so you know, kind've her job.

Yassen does like a casual lean, doesn't he.

Episode 6 - Target

Alex and Yassen have shacked up in London, hope there's only one bed.

Now they're in the back of a van, SO many opportunities for shagging, they're spoilt for choice.

Yassen's impressed look when Alex reels off all the security details, so proud of his boy.

"What happened to my mum?" Finally he wonders lol.

"And I'm good at it. You could be too." 🥹

"You think Alex killed him?" I mean, he was also there with a notorious assassin, so probably not, y'know.

Domestic Yassen cooking Alex's dinner and also cooking him a gun lol.

Smithers' "How I've missed you" ahahaha. Smithers/Kyra much better pairing tbh.

"He's actually quite good at this stuff." Smithers' little snort lmao

Time for Alex to be blacked up/ dunked in a teabag bath/ gussied up. Although he still looks exactly like Alex afterwards, which feels less useful lol.

"You love him, don't you?" Yassen loves him more. I have to say Alex had far more chemistry with Syl, and frankly for that matter with Tom. I really don't get the Kyra agenda.

"It's a dry hole." Alex's worst nightmare.

Is Alex going to look through Mrs Jones' knicker drawer?

Episode 7 - The Shot

Mrs Jones and her tall murderous hobbit son lol. Otto really looks about 58 here.

Hope they bill him for her fucked up fridge.

Is that Bath? Oh, it is.

Mrs Jones casually throwing Alex back into play lol. Maybe she can have a little revenge for him trying to shoot her.

"Everyone breaks into houses." Jack's face lol

Ewww put him down, you don't know where he's been (Yassen's bed, almost certainly)

"Remember they can't hurt you unless you invite them in." "That's vampires."

Yassen arguing in favour of going to rescue Alex MY HEART

"Sit down. I'm going to tell you a story. About your friend, John Rider." HOLY PLOTHOLE TIMELINE PATCHING BATMAN

"John was embedded inside Scorpia for three years." Not the only thing he was embedded in by the sounds of it.

Alex seems to be hallucinating again lol.

Yassen, maybe psychoanalysing your insane boss isn't the safest thing to be doing?

"It's quite mad Julia." Yassen really gives no shits omfg

"I know my place." Yes, at Alex's side.

I like how Julia thought telling Yassen she'd killed John would do anything other than piss him off lol.

Episode 8 - Invisible Sword

"But you do owe me a new fridge." LOLLLLLL

Crawley feeling like a spare part during this lift convo, hahaha

"Smithers, you can do me some kind of tracker, right?" "Yeah, if you promise to keep it on you this time."

Alex is like ohshit I'm gonna die fr

"Not for the agents. They undid their seatbelts." Eyyyyyyyy 👉

Aww they've given him a little baby assassin outfit, how cute.

Where's Yassen, has he just fucked off to the pub?

"For the head of Scorpia, you're a really bad liar."

Laughing at all the other Scorpia agents having to listen to this convo about their boss like we are not paid enough for this shit 😬

"Everyone else is getting what they want, let me have my cereal."

Protecting his boy to the last. Yassen really is purely on Alex's side, we love to see it.🥰

And OMG HE LIVESSSSSSSS 🙌🙌🙌🙌 (I voted yes in that poll, I had faith lol)

Well that was - far more fanservice than I dared hope for, after the meagre pickings we got in the first two series. Yalex supremacy to the motherfucking end, let's go.

[paperori0]

the gremlins

Julius = Serial Designation J, or J for short

Yassen = Serial Designation Y, or Y for short

Nile = Serial Designation N, or N for short

John is Serial Designation H, and Alex is just Alex :/

Ian is obsessed with doors, Jack just wants to keep Alex safe, and Tom does not care whatsoever but is scared of the murder drones, Sabina grew up inside the safe zones and thought murder drones was just a myth to keep children behaved and Kyra is curious about them. James and the other kids from Point Blanc are worker drones that live in the safe zones, just a different section of it.

-Villains-

Harold Sayle - a worker drone obsessed with experimenting on viruses, only works for money, lives outside the safe zones in a mansion that keeps the murder drones out

Dr Grief/Greif - a worker drone employed by humans to create/experiment on murder drones and worker drones. Creator of Julius/J

Alexei Sarov - a human that lives on Copper 9 and wants to wipe out all rogue worker droves with a nuclear bomb

Damian Cray - a very popular worker drone known for his hatred towards drugs and alcohol and just like in the original au he is a pop star

Julia Rothman - the Tessa of the au. She is more crueller tho and likes to torture and kill worker drones

Nikolei Drevin - a human that lives on another planet. He hates rogue worker drones and has a son named Paul.

Desmond McCain - also a human that lives on another planet. He is married to Myra Bennett and owns a zoo of Sentinels (in the original AU, he owns crocodiles)

Winston Yu - a worker drone (?) that lives with the humans and works with Julia Rothman. His body is fragile and he wears gloves

Abdul Razim - a human that also lives on another planet. He is emotionless and likes to torture people and measure their pain. He worked with Julius/J before

-Side Villains-

Mr Grin - a worker drone that works with Harold Sayle

Nadia Vole - a worker drone that also works with Sayle

Eva Stellenbosch - a worker drone that works with Dr Grief to create Murder Drones

Walter Baxter - helps Dr Grief create replacements or clones of murder drones that are destroyed

Conrad - a worker drone that was repaired after being devoured by murder drones, he hates murder drones because of that, he helps Sarov

Kasper/Magnus - a human that works with Drevin

Erik Gunter - a human, he worked with Julius/J and Razim before

Ash - a human, Alex’s godfather, killed John due to him going rogue

Njenga - a murder drone that works with McCain

[crim-sims]

Hiya simblr! This is my first post as a creator!

I made a lookbook over on YouTube for Lolo ZouaÏ's album "Crying In The Carwash". CC links below the cut ↓

Everyday

Makeup

Eyes - praline sims ocean eyes (could not find link :( )

Wool brows - twistedcat

Holographic eyeliner

Soft glow eyeshadow - simpai

3D lashes no 4 - twistedcat

Shimmer face sparkle #1 - peachyfaerie

Dark hour lipstick - twistedcat

Outfit

Hair - arethabee ashley hair

Mercy top - Alaina Lina

Nemesis skirt - babyetears

Chanel CC Logo Sneakers by BRADFORD

Accessories

Septum ring - praline sims

Lita earrings - arethabee

Transparent harajuku choker - screaming mustard

Autumn nails - sims_snow

Star fingerless gloves - korkassims

Socks - EA high school years

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Formal

Makeup

Dyaus eyeliner - praline sims

Shimmer face sparkle #1 - peachyfaerie

Dark hour lipstick - twistedcat

Strawberry sunday eyeshadow - trillyke

Outfit

Heidi bodysuit

Holographic laser skirt

Sliderless heels - SM sims

Accessories

Metallic nails

Hoop earrings - praline sims

Amore belt - arethabee

Fishnet bow tights - 148DAZED

Scorching hot choker - san33

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Athletic

Makeup

Dark hour lipstick - twistedcat

Outfit

Top - not sure :(

Kyra leggings - alaina lina

Chanel CC Logo Sneakers by BRADFORD

Accessories

Kayla necklace - arethabee

Metallic nails

Star earrings - korkassims

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Sleep

Makeup

Dark hour lipstick - twistedcat

Outfit

PJ top

PJ bottoms

Cow slippers - shoestopia (can’t find link)

Accessories

Velvet sleeping mask

Metallic nails

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Party

Makeup

Apple eyegloss - kindlespice

Eyeliner - can’t find 

Dark hour lipstick - twistedcat

Shimmer face sparkle #1 - peachyfaerie

Outfit

Can’t find main fit :(

Metallic heels

Accessories

Ishild choker - SM sims

Garter - can’t find the link but it’s from SM sims

Stiletto nails

Thunder earrings - praline sims

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Swim

Makeup

Soft glow eyeshadow - simpai

Eyeliner - not sure

Dark hour lipstick - twistedcat

Shimmer face sparkle #1 - peachyfaerie

Outfit

Love bomb lingerie - trillyke

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Hot

Makeup

Soft glow eyeshadow - simpai

Dark hour lipstick - twistedcat

Shimmer face sparkle #1 - peachyfaerie

Glamorous cat eyeliner - praline sims

Outfit

Jade skirt - arethabee

Fearless top - trillyke

Holographic boots - shoestopia (can’t find link)

Accessories

Aine earrings - arethabee

Necklace - can’t find

Chain bracelet - EA outdoor retreat

Stiletto nails

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Cold

Makeup

Soft glow eyeshadow - simpai

Dark hour lipstick - twistedcat

Shimmer face sparkle #1 - peachyfaerie

Glamorous cat eyeliner - praline sims

Outfit

Holographic jacket

Holographic pants

Tennis shoes - serenity (can’t find link)

Accessories

Metallic nails

[galacticwildfire]

found.

Twenty Three

Pairing: Kenobi!oc x Din Djarin

Summary: Satine and Obi-wan’s daughter fought in the war against the Empire and lost her faith when she lost Mandalore. Until she found him. A lone Mandalorian searching for a Jedi.

Warnings: TW for torture, severe ptsd, mention of past miscarriage and intimate violence in the flashback. This one gets pretty dark in places and will for the next few chapters. But there is fluff and some smut amongst the angst.

Word Count: 7.8k

A/N: okay this was originally 10k words so I cut it off at the start of the interaction which means next chapter is going to be the definition of female rage and is already half written. My apologies for making everyone wait so long but it is back and next chapter will follow soon where shit will truly hit the fan.

ALSO I have gone back and rewritten from chapter 20 onwards, everything is the same but just fleshed out with more smut so enjoy

~

~

~

I was heaving on the floor of the cell on Cloud City, blood surrounding me, screaming into oblivion as if the pain in my heart was enough to kill me, to spare me. Screaming in rage in the slightest chance he could hear me. My bloodstained hand hovered over the burning brand on my ribs, heat pulsing from it but my mind, it was my mind Vader had picked apart.

Desperately I threw myself against the door of the cell as if I could break it down, as if my pain alone could give me the strength of Vader but I was no Skywalker. I was a broken girl with a planet of glass for a home and no one to protect me. 

In my fit of madness it felt as if the world was ending and with each slam of my body against the metal I heard the bombs dropping over Mandalore, felt them shake the ground beneath me and waited for the burning world to collapse down upon me and this time finally end me so I could die with my people. 

After what could have been minutes or hours I finally heard the door's seal break from the outside and raised a bruised and broken hand, reaching for what I thought would be Vader's saber to die if only to lay one strike down upon him, but instead I found her.

"Leia?" I gasped out and collapsed then and there as she took me in her arms. There was one person left to protect me after all."I didn't know- I didn't-"

What part I meant, I didn't know. All I knew was I'd been betrayed.

"Kyra?" she whispered in horror clutching me to her until I cried out from the contact to the burning brand, blood from my hands now staining her white suit. "What did Vader do to you?"

I'm gasping as I wake, struggling against the weight of Din in the tiny sleeping compartment, not realising where I am as I break it open and throw myself down onto the floor of the ship, looking up at the lights but no shocks rack my body and no blows come. Terrified tears stain my cheeks as he gets on his knees in front of me, repeating my name cautiously until he reaches for my face to bring me back to where we truly are.

"Kyra?" his voice quakes as I struggle for breath, hand reaching for my throat still gasping for breath and he pulls me into his arms, my head in the crook of his neck as I grasp his cloak for something to hold onto, to convince my mind and body that I'm safe. "You're safe, you're safe cyar'ika."

His voice trembles and I'm shaking violently as he rocks me in his arms and I don't know how long we're there on the floor until I can bear to look at him and he holds my face in his hands, not needing to ask, knowing enough by now to know what haunts me.

"You're safe," he tells me again, thumb caressing my cheek as I look down at my hands, finding them clean of blood even if I can still feel its warmth. "Kyra?" I shake my head, inching away from his touch. "Kyra, it's me, you're safe."

And yet my mind is twisted and its wires damaged enough I still sit there for moments more trying to connect what I see with the fear in my mind, trying to rationalise it, trying to tell myself there is no danger and therefore I should not be afraid.

On undamaged minds that may work, but not mine.

"Din?" I finally whisper, my mind finally equating his touch with calm, with safety, and I let him take me back into his arms as slowly I ground myself in him. 

"I've got you cyar'ika," he promises me, trying to hide how deeply I've scared him. "I've got you. I'll never let anyone hurt you again."

I wish I could believe that, for just a moment I almost do.

"The Empire," I begin as he takes my shaking hands in his own. "They aren't gone."

He slowly shakes his head. "No, they aren't."

I nod numbly and tell him "I want them gone, for good, no matter the cost."

A cost the Republic is not prepared to face, the cost of mercy.

But they never showed me mercy.

"We will start with Moff Gideon," he tells me, giving me something to hold onto as he rests his forehead on mine. "We'll kill anyone we have to. We'll do whatever it takes no matter the cost to keep you and the child safe."

His promise echoes through the empty chambers of my broken mind, reminding me of my purpose. To keep the child safe. Exhausted and wanting to forget everything but his touch I shut my eyes and do what I've always done, what I did when I was just a child captured by the empire, tell myself it was just a bad dream, a bad dream that never happened.

But it did.

~

I wake to the child nuzzling into me, still resting in Din's arms in the middle of the ship with a blanket wrapped over me, everything numb. But for the child's sake I take him in my arms and try to smile, and feel in the child a pain not so dissimilar to my own, a dark pain, a fear. But even more blinding is his compassion as he reaches out to try to ease my own pain, the compassion that makes a Jedi.

I close my eyes and feel flashes of sabers and blasters and hold the child a little tighter, feeling something is terribly wrong, or will be. Something more immediate than the nightmares that haunt us both.

"Kyra?" I hear Din ask, more than in tune with my expressions by now. "What is it?"

"Can you take the kid up to the cockpit, I need to meditate," I tell him and feel surprise at my own words, despite being a Jedi I could count the number of times I've meditated in the last year on one hand despite how devoted I once was to it.

"Alright," he says uncomfortably, not wanting to leave me alone, but somehow pulls me out of that darkness with one silly question "Is that a Jedi thing?"

"Yeah," I say, laughing softly as I wipe tears from the corners of my eyes. "Yeah it is."

Before he lets me go he squeezes my hand tight and says "If you need me, get me."

He has never treated me like glass, and now is no exception despite how badly I know he doesn't want to let me out of his sight. I'm thankful for it.

"I will," I tell him and watch as he lifts the kid up, able to find some joy in the sight before they disappear up into the cockpit and I'm left to contemplate what these dreams coming back mean.

I cannot remember the last time my nightmares had me in such a state. I remember Lando's concern when I'd wake in similar states not knowing where I was and trying to escape, how he'd call Leia trying to get me help with little luck. It is the first time Din has truly seen it, I know it's left him more shaken than he'd admit.

The closer we get to the planet the worse this feeling of doom is, perhaps it's being in close proximity to a place the force is so strong while in such a state, perhaps it's a warning.

Either way, there is a nagging paranoia in me that from experience can only be two things. The Empire and Boba Fett and so I try to rationalise before I jump to conclusions.

If Boba's been living in poverty on Tatooine as all but a ghost for this many years it is safe to say he wouldn't even have the capabilities to follow us, but still, I'm remembering parts of dreams I thought I'd long blacked out and so I force myself to sit in a meditative state to uncover what they are trying to tell me. Luke would probably drop dead from shock if he could actually see me meditating to work through my problems. I hardly remember the girl who managed to train Luke to be the Jedi he is, it's past time I found her again.

Yet my subconscious forces me to remember many events I'd rather not touch until it takes me to those early days with Boba, back before I ever feared him. When I'd found him weeks after my parents deaths, a man who captivated me as no other had, hired help I was stupid enough to not let go. I was one of the only people to ever tell him no when he refused my offer to join me, and most certainly the only one to live, and sure enough we found a price he accepted. 

In the early days there was little fighting between us, it was something built on mystery and a curiosity to learn more of one another, and then a deep respect. Captivating by this stranger in a time when I found myself growing ever more estranged from my aunt for my methods that she found either too pacifist or too extreme, her faith in me was little despite the strong front we put on. I found myself leaning on him as a trusted advisor to guide me through troubles with Mandalorians who resembled him more than myself, even if he was a clone to all others he still upheld our creed and significantly more credits than he did before he met me.

Long days on Mandalore fighting and mourning, days when I found myself struggling to hold what power I could and was somehow under the illusion I had power over this deadly man and mistakenly thought I was the one to seduce him in the dangerous game we played. I don't know how many times he asked me if it was what I wanted that very first time, leaving no room for me to regret it when he warned me of exactly what he was before he ever touched me. I all but begged him too, wanting to feel like a woman instead of a broken child, but I was too young to even begin to comprehend what I was getting myself into. 

But at nineteen you truly do believe you are sure of what you want, and he knew he was the only man I trusted. At some point before it fell apart that very first time he truly respected me when he watched me wield the Darksaber to defeat men twice my age and size who challenged me for it. Like that one of Vizsla who I sent back into exile after I defeated him in combat before all the clans for the crimes he had committed against my mother alongside Death Watch that final time when I was sixteen and struck Maul down.

That was the moment I gained the respect of the people, a respect Boba told me I'd thrown away by leaving Bo-Katan as regent to return to the Rebellion. 

Little did I know it was that very moment I returned to the Rebellion I'd lost whatever real love was between us. That was the moment we found ourselves on opposite sides of the war as he turned to the Empire to fill his pockets.

Every dark thing inside of me he brought out, and I was powerless to stop him as he turned my rage into something that haunts me to this day. It haunts me when I know at some point Vader put credits in his hand to bring me to him and I wonder for just how long before Cloud City he was trying to seduce me to the Empire's side so I'd go willingly. 

To this day I still don't know what were lies, all I knew was that despite everyone he'd done, he loved me and I him.

"You can claim you're better than me, doing what you do for the greater good, except you're lying," Boba told me that last night together. "You don't care about the greater good or honour, you do what you do because you want revenge. You kill because you like it. You have a cruel streak in you, princess. Deep down you are just as ruthless as I am."

I hated how safe I always felt with him even though I should have been terrified, because he was the only person in the galaxy who I could show the worst of me and he wouldn't even blink an eye. Even on Tatooine when I was Jabba's prisoner. Because the worst of me was only a fraction of the worst of him. "If I'm a killer then what are you? A masochist? A traitor? You are a man without honour Boba Fett."

Those last words struck a nerve. "You can pretend all you want. But you aren't a good person. You aren't a hero." He had me backed up against the wall of his room that Jabba's guards had thrown me into as a personal thank you for giving him Han. Jabba's gift to Boba. "Do you really think they'll love you once they know everything you've done?" His hand was around my throat as burning tears slipped down my cheeks. Not to choke me, but to keep me still as he revealed "Do they know you're the one who led me straight to Solo? That I incinerated your friend Skywalkers aunt and uncle?" I shook beneath his touch. "That you knew all along he was Vaders and lied to him, to everyone." But it was when his blaster pressed against my exposed stomach I knew that he knew. "To me."

"I lied to you?" I repeated dangerously, now in pure disbelief at the words I heard. "I?" I pushed him off of me then, my voice raising to a scream of pure rage as I shoved him again into the opposite wall. "I lied to you? All you ever did was lie!" 

"I never lied to you princess, I told you exactly what I was," he said as my hand itched for a blade. "You just never wanted to hear the truth." He stepped back towards me, telling me the words that were the truth. "You are not an innocent, you are not a victim, you are the one who never listened when I warned you of what I was and what would happen."

It was the truth, and yet it didn't make him an innocent either.

"Look at it," I told and slapped him across the face before I grabbed it and pulled his eyes down to the brand Vader left on me. "He left it just for you." He shut his eyed like a coward as I hissed. "Turns out he doesn't like his little bitch fucking his targets."

He pulls my hand back, and I'm smiling knowing I've hit him where it hurts. "I'm no one's bitch."

"You were mine," I remind him, knowing he was once my hired blaster. "A shiny bar of beskar and you're owned by anyone."

He grabbed me by the chain around my throat. "And you're the one in chains now princess so tell me how that's worked out for you? No home, no family, no one to love you that won't soon be dead. No one but me."

I slammed him back into the wall, reaching for any weapon within reach I could get my hands on "You fuck-"

"Hate me all you want princess, you love me."

"No," I lied, hating myself because it was true. "How can I after you fucking left me to Vader, after you betrayed me!"

"No more than you betrayed me," he said as if I had a choice, as if I wasn't screaming on the floor of that cell on Cloud City and it was then as I reached for his blaster he grabbed me again, throwing me back and pinning my wrists to the wall. "You took my chance to be a good man from me, to be a father-"

Tears burned in my eyes and I realised the greatest cruelty I could inflict upon him was to let him believe whatever Vader told him and I stopped fighting then as I looked him in the eye. "And I would do it again."

He held me by the throat and I watched seething as he dragged his blaster along my exposed body, the same blaster he'd used countless times to do such unholy things to me, and I didn't look away as he pressed it into my stomach.

He was deadly silent, finger over the trigger as I searched his cold eyes and felt the things he never learned to hide from a person like me. 

"I know you Boba Fett," I told him, I might have been the only person in the galaxy who did. "I know you love me." Finally his fist closed around my throat to prove to both of us that he didn't but I hardly blinked as he held it tight, enough to constrict my airways but still unable to bring himself to truly hurt me and somehow that made it worse. "Don't be a coward now, you could choke me to death and still would never come close to inflicting the pain Vader did."

"You were my target," he told me, digging the knife deeper with his words since he couldn't bring himself to do it physically. "From the moment you returned to the rebellion. You were my target when I dug you out of the rubble on Mandalore, every night together was all to get the information I was paid to bring to Vader, but you knew that didn't you?" I didn't give him an answer, I couldn't even give myself one as he tapped his blaster against my cheek. "And you let me do it because you loved me."

I could have used the force to pull the trigger, to end this as I begged him to do half a year before. For my blood to be on his hands, the blood of the woman he loved. It would have been cruelly poetic, but I was too bitter to die before seeing the end of the empire.

"How?" I finally asked him as I searched his heart and mind, finding such strong love twisted with darkness, finding the same in mine own heart and that darkness was what I could not forgive. "How could you do this to someone you love?"

"This was never love," he told me, seeing what I couldn't but his heart- he could not hide it from me, not from a Jedi.

"Liar," I breathed, smiling at the hate in his eyes, his lips hovering just above mine. "If it wasn't we would have killed each other a hundred times over by now."

"Kyra."

I jump at the sound Din's voice, pulled from the meditative state that's reminded me of why I don't meditate. I wanted clarity not pain, and I certainly don't have the time to unravel years of torture before I can figure out what the immediate danger at hand is.

"Are you alright?"

I nod stiffly, composing myself but still Boba's words haunt me amongst much else. 

"I'm just thinking, that's all."

"About the nightmare?" he asks and comes over to me, sitting down in front of where I am and takes my hands in his. "We're raising a child together ner karta, there isn't anything you can't tell me."

But there is. There is so much I haven't been able to speak a word of to anyone. Not even Leia after she found me there a bleeding mess on the floor but she knew. Her and Lando both saw me there, Lando in all these years has never once dared to mention what he saw and Leia... we held each other all through that night, not having to speak a word of what we'd both lost.

"Sometimes I dream of the war," I tell him, not going into detail. "More often than not they turn into nightmares." 

"But not like that," he says and gently presses "All these nights we've spent in the same room, I've never seen you like that."

I swallow hard and tell him just enough "In my nightmare I was trying to break out of a cell and when I woke I didn't know where I was."

He nods slowly, thumb running over the side of my hand, gently calming me but the only interpretation I can find of those dreams is that something is coming and I can't afford to let myself end up trapped and helpless again. I need to heed Boba's words instead of pretending I am not what he knows me to be. I never fought out of the goodness of my heart as a Jedi should, it was a search for justice that quickly turned to revenge. 

The time of pretending I am a peaceful person is over, I've trained Luke and Leia, I did my duty to them in resisting those violent urges to keep them from being tempted by darkness. I will fight darkness until the day I die instead of surrendering to it, but I can't deny my Mandalorian nature.

"My mother Satine, she was the most staunch pacifist in the galaxy," I tell him and realise how little I've told him of her. "She watched Mandalore be destroyed by civil wars before either of us were born, her father was killed during the last of them. I never knew him but he was a follower of the old ways, a warrior. It was him who taught Bo-Katan the way, and her who taught me. It was at the end of these wars your people were exiled to the moons of Mandalore."

"Concordia," he reveals and suddenly it all makes sense. "My people were of Concordia, it was there we lived before the purge."

"And that was the divide that almost got her killed more times than I can count," I tell him while he listens carefully. "She believed that the moment we commit to fighting we've already lost and that was the ideology that kept Mandalore neutral until the Empire decided otherwise and she did her part, playing along in order to protect her people until she couldn't." It's then an old guilt surfaces, a wound Boba would always tear open to be cruel. "All because her daughter was a Jedi. I had worked with the Rebellion for three years at that point, since the last time Death Watch tried to kill her, and so when she surrendered and was taken to Vader Leia and I tried to rescue her. By the time I found her Vader had tortured her to the point her body had all but given out, and her last words to me, the greatest pacifist to ever live, were that Mandalore's fate was in my hands now and to never stop fighting."

He's silent in contemplation of my words until he says "And you've never stopped. Even now you're still fighting the Empire."

"But what if I'm fighting the wrong battle?" I ask him finally, trying to find some meaning in these nightmares. "What if running around the outer rims fighting Imperial remnants is the wrong battle, one I've been fighting since the moment the war ended. What if the battle I should be fighting right now is for Mandalore? What if fighting the Empire to keep ourselves safe isn't enough?"

"Then I'll stand behind you," he swears to me but cautiously asks "What's brought this on?"

"I want Moff Gideon dead, I want my enemies to burn," I confess to him, that violent streak I've tried to hide baring itself. "I don't want to just hide away with Grogu living the reclusive life of a Jedi. I want justice, I want the one thing a Jedi shouldn't which is revenge."

He tilts his head towards me and I can feel the concern as he takes my hand "Then when we kill Moff Gideon we will find other Mandalorians, the fight for Mandalore is not lost unless you say it is."

I look at him and ask a careful question "I know you have the same ruthless streak that I do Din. You're a bounty hunter, I'm a soldier. We're both killers." He's quiet, not knowing where I'm going with this but all I know is that I need him to see the parts of myself I don't know how to love myself, to prove to myself Boba's words aren't true, that there will be no one to love me but him. "We might fight for peace, but that doesn't mean we aren't killers all the same."

"I know what I am," he tells me, voice rough. "Before the child, I was a cold-blooded killer, a bounty hunter, but I thought you hated that."

"No," I say quickly, immediately separating what Din is from what Boba was and realise "I'd be lying to you if I said I ever did. You said that you were never a hero like I was but I was never a hero Din, I never did the things I did for the greater good. I did them because like Ahsoka said, I had my mothers passion for justice but more than that I wanted revenge for the things the Empire had taken for me and to protect what I feared losing. I could never admit it because that is not the way of the Jedi."

"But it is the way of the Mandalorian," he says and I look down at our joined hands. "If you think that for even a moment that seeing that side of you would make me love you less then you're wrong." He lifts my chin back up as he tells me "I only love you more."

And with those words he makes me realise something no one else could in almost ten years, that I don't need a bloody and violent love that leaves me in agony. Not when I have him, a man who knows my past and what comes with it and yet loves me unconditionally. Who has taught me I can love without pain. 

The next thing I know I'm in his arms and he's holding me tight, the cold beskar feeling like home as I tell him "I love you Din Djarin. When I'm with you, somehow everything makes sense."

He chuckles lightly as he tells me "I wish I could say the same but I'm still trying to wrap my head around all this Jedi stuff."

I laugh with him now, the darkness forgotten as I tell him "This is what I mean, you can always pull me out of anything, no matter how caught up I get in my own head."

"Well it's hardly like you don't have anything to worry about," he tells me, always practical in his reasoning and admits to me "Sometimes I swear all I do is worry. Is this what it's like being a parent?"

My smile turns a little sad. "I wouldn't know, but I'm learning." My fingertips run along the edge of his helmet. "And I'm glad to be doing it with you, with a man who understands what it's like to be willing to do anything for those we love, no matter how violent."

He tugs me close as he tells me "Do you really think I fell in love with a peace loving Jedi? I fell in love with a Mandalorian woman who could hand my ass to me on a silver platter."

I laugh against his helmet "You've barely even seen me in a fight yet."

His voice is deep as says "The day I see you in beskar fighting is the day I'll be on my knees begging to make you mine."

My chest tightens at what he's suggesting and I play coy "I'm already yours."

He pulls me into his lap, squeezing my waist as he tells me "Not until I can call you my wife you aren't."

"Din-" I breathe, my hands on his chest plate as he pulls me flush to him and my forehead touches his, wanting it, wanting something I swore to myself I'd never want again but here I am. 

And I'm not afraid anymore.

"I want to kiss you," he murmurs, taking my hand and holding it to his beskar cheek.

"Then kiss me," I say, pressing my lips to the beskar, quite comfortable with the circumstances that come with it "I can-"

"I don't want you to close your eyes," he tells me quickly, and he nervously lifts up his helmet as he would if he was drinking and I gently put a cautious hand on his before I can see anything.

"Are you sure?"

"I am," he says and lifts his helmet enough that I can see the patchiness of his beard, his lips. I take his shaking hand in mine as I bring my lips to his, tracing the outline of his jaw with them, leaving soft kisses in my path.

"I love you," I breathe, letting him feel my words as I kiss him. "All of you, helmet and all."

"And I love you," he says, his voice raw and unmodulated and beautiful.

"I know I'd love to hear more of that voice," I say, running my thumb over his lips.

I can feel his smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I smile back, kissing him softly before pulling his helmet back down. "But only what you're ready to give."

"I want you to see me," he says, but I can feel the conflict behind those words. "The creed I- I know it isn't what I was raised to believe but-"

"You don't have to explain my love," I tell him gently. "I understand, and I love you. You don't need to force yourself to abandon the beliefs you hold or make any decisions until you're sure of them."

"Thank you," he breathes, hands heavy on my body, showing me his love and need for me in the way he knows how since words don't always come easy to him, but he does better than he thinks he does. "I love you Kyra, more than anything." 

Except for the child but we both know that.

"I know," I promise him and he grips my waist just right and I have to bite back a moan as he begins tugging my dress up and I gasp out as he lifts me up, my back slamming into the wall as he pulls my legs around his waist, his strength always stunning me.

I'm breathless as he asks "How do you want it?"

"Rough," I answer, needing the release, needing the feeling of him inside of me that clears my mind better than any amount of meditation could and he holds me up with ease as he unzips himself and tugs my dress up to my waist, finding nothing beneath.

"Ever practical," he teases, wasting little time as I feel him line up with me, always ready for him.

"Always," I smile only to find myself choking out his name as he enters me. "Din-"

"That's it," he says soothing me through it, this being one sensation I don't think I will ever get used to. "Say my name."

~

By the time we're approaching Tython we're in the cockpit with Grogu, dressed now for combat in case it finds us as it so often does. Grogu's in my lap while Din's doting over him from the pilots seat.

"Grogu." The kid looks up from his ball in surprise at hearing his name and Din chuckles lightly while Grogu goes back to his ball but he can't resist. "Grogu?"

Grogu looks back up at him and Din makes a sound of astonishment that leaves me sitting there drowning in adoration for this man but remember I'm still responsible for training the little green rascal. "Din, cyare, try the trick you did with Ahsoka, the one with the ball."

He nods and holds his hand out, voice gentle "Give me the ball."

Grogu leans away, not wanting to give up his precious ball and looks up at me as if asking if I'm really going to let him take it and I chuckle "It's okay Grogu."

"Grogu," Din says again. "Give me the ball." Grogu resists, and I begin to wonder if I should be more concerned over his attachment to that ball than to us. "Come on."

He hands it over and I do find it interesting he does understand us almost completely when we speak with him even if he can't talk back, not yet at least but considering all the poor thing's gone through I wouldn't be surprised if he was selectively quiet and that it's delayed his speech. One of the many things we will work on together.

Din holds the ball up between his fingers and Grogu leans forward on my lap "Okay, here we go. You can have it, just like before." Grogu reaches out but not with the force and Din tilts his helmet towards him "Grogu come on, you can have it."

And then I feel it, the focus and nod approvingly as he uses the force to reach out and bring the ball to him and as he catches it Din proudly exclaims "Dank Farrik!" Grogu quickly drops the ball and I kiss his little head as Din quickly backtracks "Hey no, I'm not mad at you, you did good."

"You did Grogu," I affirm gently as he coos "So good."

Grogu listens to Din as he says "When the nice lady said you had training I just-" for a moment I remember my own father training me, how excited he'd get when he saw the progress I'd made and Din reaches forward to put the ball in his hands "You're very special kid."

"You are," I say cuddling him in my lap. "And I'm going to train you just as my dad trained me. " He coos up at me and I smile "I'll teach you to use the force and to speak, to read." Din's watching as I lift him up and he squeals happily. "I dare say your dad will teach you to use a blaster."

"Not a proper blaster yet, but a training one," Din says and I laugh as he makes the motion with his hand. "He won't be able to pull a trigger so it will be one of the ones you squeeze."

"Oh maker I love you Din Djarin," I tell him in pure adoration and feel the warmth beneath that beskar. "And I love you too Grogu."

The kid's smiling as he reaches out, dropping the ball to touch my face and I kiss his forehead, holding him as Din reaches over to squeeze my knee before lowering us into Tythons atmosphere.

I'm absentmindedly humming to Grogu as we enter and look about realising we have absolutely no idea where to find this singular rock on a planet that's no doubt filled with old Jedi relics but thankfully it finds us as we lay eyes on what looks to be a type of temple with a stone in the centre.

"That the one?" Din asks me as if I know anymore than he does but remember I am meant to be the Jedi after all.

"That's the one."

"Alright kid," Din says. "Let's take you to the magic rock."

I shake my head at him while smiling, it's hard not to love him when he views the force with more wonder and mysticism than anyone I've ever met, it makes me see it through new eyes.

He circles it looking for a place to land while I hold Grogu up so he can see and Din says "I can't land on top, we'll have to travel the last stretch with the windows down."

"That's fine," I tell him but can't help the anxiety that comes as we land, that nagging feeling still there. "I just don't want to be too far from the ship."

He nods and he has a hand on my back as we walk out, I sigh when I see the distance we have to walk "Well, we'll be stretching our legs at least."

Din just tilts his head down towards me "Do you really think I'd make you walk?"

And so moments later we're flying to the top, Din holding the kid and I, and it makes me begin to reconsider the issue of my own armour. I discarded it out of shame but now... now it feels as if I'm starting to atone for my defeats.

Perhaps it's time I pick up my armour again, if not for myself then to better protect the child and Din's words are certainly a contributing factor. 

We land at the seeing stone and I take in the geometry of the temple, hesitant at what exactly this seeing stone entails but the force's presence here is undeniable. I'd heard stories but feeling it is something else entirely.

"Well, I guess this is it," Din says but still I look back towards the ship, not denying the feeling in my gut but try to not let it show for Grogu's sake.

"The legends say this planet is where the call of the force was heard by the first Jedi," I say to Grogu, the recognition of the name having come to me in the ship. "I remember the stories my father would tell me of the wars here between the light and the dark." I look around, having found the stone but know there should be far more ruins scattered across the planet Luke would find interest in and tell Din. "I want to stay and look about but I've got a bad feeling."

"A bad feeling?" he repeats, trusting my instincts by now.

"I can't pinpoint it, but I want to leave as soon as we're finished at the stone," I answer and he looks about confused since it seems we're the only people on this planet and decide. "After this we're going to Kalevala."

"Kalevala?" he repeats back to me, no doubt knowing the planet since it's in the Mandalore sector but in confusion as to why I'd want to go there

I've come to the place the Jedi originated from, but something is calling me back home and being here, it's as if the force itself is telling me to return.

"To my family's castle," I say and he tilts his helmet towards me in disbelief.

"Your family's castle?" he exclaims. "You have a castle?"

"I'm royalty Din," I remind him and that seems to shock him more than anything else I've ever revealed to him. "You know this."

"I know but there's a difference between saying you're a princess and having a castle."

I look at him incredulously. "Din, I literally ruled Mandalore."

"I know, I know" he assures me but still asks "You have an actual castle and you're living in an apartment on Chandrila?"

I blink at him in offence before confirming "Yes, I have a castle."

"Here that kid?" Din says to Grogu as we walk towards the stone. "You're gonna get a castle."

I laugh as we reach it and remind him "You know for him to inherit we have to take the proper adoption vows."

He stops for a second as if he hadn't even realised he hasn't yet. "You're right, we haven't." His voice is heavy as he tells me "Before you came along I- I could never bring myself to call myself his father. He was always a foundling in my care I thought I would have to give up, but now-"

"Now things are different," I say and hold him as I tell him "He's your son, your foundling, no one's going to take him away from you." I rub Grogu's head as I say "Isn't that right Grogu?"

He smiles and I take him from Din to place him on the rock "Okay now, I don't know what's going to happen but you're going to do what uncle Luke, and no doubt many other Jedi have taught you, and meditate." He makes an annoyed sound as I put him down and sigh "I understand, but you've got to do it, okay?"

He makes a sound resembling an okay and that's good enough for me. Din and I stand back waiting for something to happen and he asks me "Do you feel anything?"

Nothing overly strange aside from the impending doom and overwhelming concentration of the force and ask him curiously "Why, do you feel something?"

He looks around before answering "I feel the wind." He takes a glove off and holds his hand up. "Kind of."

Definitely not force sensitive then.

I take his hand and squeeze it, bringing his attention back to Grogu who sits on the stone watching us instead of connecting to the force.

"Grogu, concentrate," I lecture him. "I know you can feel it."

Din tries to help as he says to Grogu "This is the seeing stone, are you seeing anything?" Grogu just coos and he looks at me and asks "Can you?"

"I will" I answer, knowing if I sat on that stone and meditated I could certainly see many things, but it is Grogu who first needs to. "You see he and I always feel the force but because of how strong it is here it is easier for us to channel it and to have visions."

"Visions of what?" he asks me and I swallow.

"I dare say nothing happy," I tell him stiffly. "But we need Grogu to reconnect with the force without fear and for me to be able to use it to communicate with him as Ahsoka did."

He turns his head towards me and quietly asks "Why can't you?"

A question I've been asking myself for a while but the answer is simple, a combination of my own neglect in connecting with the force and the fact the only force sensitives I ever knew were my father, Luke and Leia. It's out of my expertise.

"You see Din, some people are naturally stronger with the force than others, they would be taken to the Jedi temple to be trained but there are those who are stronger than others. Grogu is one of the strongest to live, as was his father or rather sperm doner," I find myself muttering. "My father was never exceptionally strong and neither am I, he was only a few years younger than myself when he finished his training. It was his devotion and discipline to the force and to his training that made him strong in comparison to his apprentice who was much like Grogu, all raw strength but little discipline."

Grogu makes an offended sound and Din assures him "We know you're trying hard Grogu, it's okay. You're doing great kid."

"He is, compared to myself which has been a reasonable enough amount of raw strength but little discipline these past years. Meanwhile Ahsoka was likely one of the stronger Jedi if she was given to Anakin to train," I explain to Din. "And she's still had more training than I, proper training in the temple by many masters which is something I've never had. My father taught me well, but our time together was cut short. Despite training Luke I still have much to learn, and if Grogu can remember his training and I can see those memories it can help both of us."

"So you'll sit on the stone after him?" Din asks and I nod, turning my attention back to getting the kid to concentrate.

"Feel the force Grogu," I instruct him. "I know you can. It's strong isn't it?" He nods and I prompt "Now close your eyes and let yourself feel it, you don't have to be afraid, we're here, you're safe."

Sometimes I still find it strange, the jump from training a nineteen year old grown boy just older than myself to a child. Although it isn't that different really, Luke may be all serious now but maker knows he wasn't when I was training him.

Din looks around and asks me "Is he supposed to see something or is something supposed to see him?"

I actually stop for a moment at that question and wonder "Both could be possible."

Still Din walks around the stone as Grogu tries to concentrate wondering "Maybe there's a control or something."

I watch as he uses the settings of his visor to search for any mechanics in the rock until I have to interrupt.

"Din, ner cyare," I say, finding his effort to be involved in his training truly endearing, I really can't help but adore it, but have to inform him"That's not how the force works. Let the kid concentrate."

But just as the kid looks as if he's gotten into that meditative state his eyes open up and he reaches for a butterfly. 

Din sighs and tells me "I'll never understand the force."

"You will," I assure him and squeeze his hand. "The first thing is to remember it is not physical or literal, it is a sense as much as hearing or seeing, or rather feeling like you'd feel an emotion, but it takes effort to connect with." I look at Grogu and tell him "Effort Grogu, now close your eyes and focus."

I use the force to non fatally flick the butterfly away and after a sound of protest he closes his eyes and finally settles into a meditative state leaving Din and I in a state of awe as the inscriptions around the stone come alight and a force shield emerges around Grogu.

"Holy-" I hear Din begin and nod in agreement, not having seen anything quite like this before but our awe is interrupted by the sound of something entering the atmosphere.

Slowly I turn to see the ship entering the atmosphere and the very blood is drained from my veins at the sight of it, a ship I know far too well. 

My eyes fall shut, everything making sense now.

"Is it a Jedi?" Din asks in confusion and slowly I shake my head. "Kyra?"

I can feel him so strongly, that whisper that's haunted me right here, right now.

This can only end bloody.

"Get the kid," I order, drawing my saber. "Now!"

But as he goes to grab the child the forceshield blasts him back onto the ground and with wide eyes I help him up, anxiously looking up at Slave I and back to the kid.

"Is it the Empire?" Din asks me but I can't even bring myself to speak his name as I grab Din's blaster and he yells out as I fire five shots right into the forceshield only for each one to be reflected. "Kyra!"

"The kid's safe here but we need to get to your ship and get weapons," I order him, the forceshield being enough protection for me. "Get ready for a fight."

"What-"

"Ship, now!" I order and he yells out after me as I run down the mountain, keeping low as I make my way through the scrub, his voice fading out as he runs after me and I don't stop until I'm met with blaster fire and he quickly takes cover as I reflect the shots with ease and stand out in the open, unafraid and perhaps already a little mad.

"Kyra!" I hear Din barking out, trying to get me to take cover but I am not hiding.

"Come out Boba," I call and feel the pure panic from Din as he finally realises who we are facing, realises why my first instinct was to draw my weapon. "You hunted me down on Tatooine, don't run away now!"

I should be terrified but I'm not. He has haunted me for half a decade now, ten years since I first laid eyes on him. I know him too well to fear him.

But it's as he emerges cloaked in black a different horror has me in its grasp and I look upon the man I once loved as he stands before me, scared and deformed, as if he's aged twenty years from the damage done to him. 

The damage I did to him.

I draw a sharp breath and he sees it, he sees the horror in my eyes as I whisper his name.

"Boba."

[spacepiratenemo]

The #whitebeard #pirate #crew - Known to be one of the most famous crews, known to be the crew of the strongest man in the world! A crew with a high reputation and incredible strength. But said crew is also a #family and why not play in the snow like a bunch of crazy children enjoying a good time!?! Yer never too piratey for a snowball fight! 

This is another #correspondingart to my #fanficition #fanfic chapter 15: 

www.wattpad.com/1240783927-the… 

You can use the link to my #wattpad on my profile too! 

I feel like this scene generally pictures beautifully how the Whitebeard Crew is like! The best family out there and to me it’s wholesome, since I never got to enjoy such a family in real life :3 I can see the entire crew join the battle and everyone is laughing whenever someone gets that snow right into their face! 

Kyra belongs to my Bestie  HellFire0000 on IG  <3 lubs u 

Nemo belongs to me

All other chars belong to Eiichiro Oda

Here is your Story/Chapter Link:

ARTBOOK: https://www.wattpad.com/1272855488-the-jackpot-space-pirate-crew-a-lunarian-artbook

WATTPAD: https://www.wattpad.com/user/R0tt3n_Rabbit

"NEMO! I said: NO testing of explosives next to the Moby Dick!", Whitebeard yelled, grounding his child frustatedly. "Well you said not NEXT to the Moby Dick. The antimatter bomb was tested 10 miles away. How the heck am I supposed to know it's radius of fire would come this close to us?", Nemo, using technicalities to get out of trouble. "Do you think I'm stupid, brat?". "Considering the constellation of the sun, the moon and the stars as of this very moment, the answer is incomprehensible….". "YOU ARE GROUNDED!". "Again? Really, Pops? Really?!".

[icebluecyanide]

Alex Rider S03E02 Reaction

These were my first reactions to season three, completely unspoiled for the rest of the series, but of course, with significant knowledge from the books. With some thoughts and predictions thrown in too.

Anyway time to infiltrate some labs!

Liveblog

So many Yassen flashbacks bless

The letter to the prime minister! Love how it’s updated to be a USB stick or something. And a cool new Scorpia logo 👀

Are you… really going to just plug it into your laptop? Okay then lmao

‘We will deal only with the Department’ ahsdlfhs that is literally the vaguest name ever for a government department lmao at least add ‘MI6’ or something

17 years ago?? How old is Alex by now??

Some fascinating choices in how they changed the demands compared to the books 👀

‘Post it on tiktok’ ahsdlhs my brain can’t handle the idea that tiktok exists in the same world as Alex Rider

‘Maybe when she’s finished with Consanto’ lmao why is she telling him the name. Oh okay that’s why haha

Very suspicious of the new MI6 person lol. Like either it’s someone who is new enough to challenge the home secretary in a meeting or maybe they’re working for Scorpia. The timing is very convenient 👀

Lmao Mrs Jones is one day from retirement. RIP Mrs Jones

Tom just take the camera job 😭

“But we get to spend quality time together!” lmao Kyra

Why did Scorpia not do more to hide the background of the video ahsdlfhs

I guess the data scientist is probably not Scorpia but why is she not wearing the full protective gear lol. Why are she and Crawley in the field??

RIP new data scientist and RIP Mrs Jones’s retirement plans 😔

It is kind of interesting to me how Blunt is getting portrayed as super heartless for not reacting more to the death and coming off looking much worse than the rest in MI6/the Department while Scorpia is arguably the book where Blunt comes out looking best. But the show is quite focused on Blunt as the bad guy while everyone else gets humanised more

The way we keep getting these scenes of Kyra and Tom just watching Alex go off and do stuff lol

He’s not using the gloves!!!

Nile 👀 What a brutal throat blow gosh

Alex did you not hear about the detonation or….

Alex held his breath this time!!! He’s learning!!!

“An answer in the next sixty seconds is optimal” I love Nile so much gosh

Ohhh nice cliffhanger, I love Kyra and Tom not knowing if he’s alive or dead!

Overall

Very excited by that last scene! I love Nile so much already, he’s very cool and I love him offering Alex a one-time chance to get info, and how it ends with Tom and Kyra having no idea what happened with Alex. Nice to see some stuff with the Department too and the letter to the prime minister (that apparently didn’t reach the prime minister’s office lmao)

Thoughts/predictions

Not entirely sure what the point was with the new data scientist story except to make Smithers and Mrs Jones upset and look more emotional than Blunt. Like yes, it’s very sad but also I do question how good they are at their jobs if they react to every death like this. In general the show seems to be isolating Blunt from the rest of the department people a lot more than the books, but I like how he still comes across as better than the Home Secretary (who should be fired just for plugging in that USB stick into her laptop, frankly).

Nile is very cool and I love him. Do miss his more casual and cheerful attitude from the book though, but I’m super excited to see where this goes and where he takes Alex. He’s getting answers!! Love Nile casually playing the bomb and setting the timer and just asking the scientist guy questions about the cardboard cover.

It’s kind of ironic how they are not telling Tom’s brother about what is going on when in the books Tom immediately tells Jerry that Alex is MI6 despite Alex talking to him about the importance of not telling anyone haha. But I like how he did catch on. I assume maybe Tom will end up being his photographer, but Alex being assumed dead or missing is probably not helping.

It’s really interesting how the demands have changed and how it’s more UK focused, which makes sense since in the books the context was very much the Iraq war and Tony Blair/Alistair Campbell and the special relationship between the USA and the UK. But here I assume the reason Scorpia picked the UK is personal, because the Department dealt the blow that nearly finished them off 17 years ago. 

Questions

What’s up with the stuff in the box?? Were those toys? Children’s clothes? What is the Clean Room? What is Invisible Sword in this universe??

Is our dear friend Max still alive? I assume he may come back to meet Alex later given his comment about them meeting again in ep 1

Where is Yassen? 😢 I crave more than just flashbacks!

[librarycards]

MM: There is a politics to being a writer who refuses to simplify or aestheticize or narrativize in overly familiar ways.

KS: That's one of the issues with giving something a genre. If a book is called “fiction,” we open it and expect a certain experience; even visually, we expect to see words on a page looking a certain way. It's almost like the dilemma of gender; it’s so easy to succumb to the conditioned impulse to engage with something according to what prescribed. But what if there were no set genres and we just approached works of writing thinking, “this is a text?” How would that change our experience of reading it? Probably a lot.

Maggie Milner and Kyra Simone, for BOMB Magazine [x].

[simpingwriter]

Cal Kestis x Kyra Yarmot

'In the Name of Love' Pt.4 (1/2)

A/N: guess this one got too long oops-

I'm writing this all on Google Docs and unfortunately they got a word limit for Spellcheck. And I got carried away with this chapter, so for the sake of at least some grammatical editing, I had to split this one up to two parts. Maybe even 3ish, depending on how easily I can end the 2nd part of Chapter 4 because a bomb is getting dropped in that part...

I will post the 2nd part either still tonight, if I got enough fuel left, or tomorrow afternoon.

Enjoy (pls and thx :) )

Word Count: approx. 3000

___________________

When you first set foot, or feet, onto the Bardottian Market – well, one of many, to be honest – you felt a totally different atmosphere to the one from yesterday.

Calmer, more civilized…less dirt.

And much less people, or the path was just bigger, letting it appear less packed than the other one.

"Wow, I can't hear a street fight around the next corner of these stalls. The other one…well", in the other one, you wouldn't have just heard the fights happening, chances were high you felt the blood of the one losing splatter onto your face when you choose to be stupid and pass directly by it.

And it was not exactly rare to end up in one yourself either, from totally not personal experience.

You nod in agreement while getting busy with scanning the stalls selling their farms' produce. The meat choices looked like their prices would put a miniature black hole in your wallet. But they also made your mouth water, knowing you couldn't afford them was like plain torture.

"Wait…over there. A Blue Milk Stand." Cal calls out excited – drawing some critiquing looks onto yourselves in turn, all quickly deterred with you snarling at them –, pointing like an overjoyed toddler towards said colorful stand, pulling you after him, giving you not much choice but to stumble after him, him to 100% oblivious to your suddenly heated up face.

The direct hand contact didn't make you blush yesterday…so why now??

"For a minute, I was worried about even finding Blue Milk all the way on Bardotta, since Banthas aren't part of the natural fauna. But I guess they just…shipped…them here??" That would probably be the case…

You weren't really sure either, shrugging once he let go of your now almost clammy hand again, still none the wiser to your very sudden reaction. Why should he, you dragged him through the streets hand in hand yesterday as well and didn't bat an eye at that moment of close contact.

Hell, you almost karking straddled him when you met and didn't react like this on the inside! Probably because of your peaking adrenaline fogging up your thoughts at that time, but who knows.

Holy karking bantha shit, you totally did straddle him...oh makers...

The blush that was on its verge of disappearing again, shot back into your face as your tried to shake the pictures from your head, at least for now.

"Okay, got the milk…can cross that one off at lea-... Kyra, you...okay there?" Instead of waving his hand in front of you – remembering the almost accident today – he simply poked your shoulder, barely getting any resistance back at first. But it did the trick. "Y-yeah? Oh, you already bought the blue milk?" "While you were occupied with daydreaming, yes. Are you really sure you're alright? If you don't feel well, I can finish the list myself, there shouldn't be that many any…ways…oh...oh no..."

He stopped himself as he looked down at the list written on a sheet of paper. You, curious, also took a glance.

It wasn't exactly what you would call small – not in your vocabulary at least –, the list.

Baffled, he clears his throat after a few moments of taking in the small list, "I stand by my words though, if you're not fe-" "I was just preoccupied with my thoughts for a moment, Cal. I'm fine, honestly." You assured him as you slipped the list from his hands to take a better look at it while he carefully put the milk bottles inside the backpack you decided to carry when you went out.

You became more than used to having to carrying heavy gear since you used to carry your entire life of clothes and resources on your back – before Cal found you of course – so this wasn't going to break your back just yet. Dragon People once were supposed to be "working animals", your whole evolutionary line filled with traits to do and carry a lot of work, be it holding out extreme lengths of bloody wars or just farm work.

Sometimes though, you had to question if you have really gotten all these traits. Sure, you could carry a lot of stuff for a long period of time…but you had your limitations on that and they looked awfully human and fragile for your heritage, if you looked at the apparent feats they had accomplished centuries ago...

"Is Cere sure we can find all these things here?" You scan the list over and over, some standing out to be bound to certain planets and their cultures. Mentally, you skipped over those after making sure you wouldn't find them here. It shrunk the list not by a lot though.

"We all wrote stuff on it freely, we never know when and where we get to restock…so I don't think so. We just have to try our luck with most of them."

You now mentally list the things needed on them:

Pack of paper

New Tool harness (Cal)

Chewstim (Cal and Merrin)

1 pack of vacuumized Stimcaf (Cal)

3 packs of vacuumized Coffee

2 packs of Chocolate Cookies (Greez)

Huge amounts of various cooking ingredients (Greez)

Synthmilk (no name)

Gatalentan Tea (Merrin)

Gesha Tea (Cere)

Karlini Tea (Greez)

10 bottles of Water

Pack of Toilet Paper

…

"By the makers, I think we need to go twice, alone because of the water bottles, the backpack isn't even big enough for that…" Cal mutters irritated at the list, shaking his head, some more unkept locks of red falling into his face, "Why didn't they all come with us?" He said quietly to himself, but you caught it just all too well, keeping quiet anyways. If someone whispers, they probably didn't plan for it to be heard. So you play none the wiser…again.

"That's fine with me…but the more important question…who the hell put Synthmilk on there?!?"

Tried it once, puked once. That stuff was the karking worst you had put into your mouth at that point. Sure, later you would have to take that back, finding out what a bowl of Gruel that went bad from standing in the way too humid air of Gelgelar for probably…hours...tasted like. Hadn't gotten out of the refresher for actual hours either.

"Don't know, but I guess we'll just get it? If we even find it. Never had it myself, so you might need to help me with finding it." "It's absolutely not worth the credits…but yeah, let's just buy it. And even if just to find the nasty ass culprit." Walking away from the Blue Milk Stand, Cal laughs at your pure and unfiltered hatred for Synthmilk before taking the list back from your claws, saying it must be oh so very heavy for you. What a jokester.

Jokesters get pushed. The pusher gets pushed back. In the end, you're both dizzy, laughing like idiots as you stumble down the market paths.

You're both just childish, but you could very well look past that for such good company as Cal.

While he had to hide his lightsaber higher up under his Poncho, you were still left without yours, it being another thought doing extra and extra rounds in your head at night. You needed it back. But you didn't even know where that Karker went with it, if he even still had it or if he long sold it. And where the possible seller went or what they did with it.

With your great – absolute bantha shit – luck, it's been taken apart, its pieces and your kyber crystal out on the black market for the highest, most certainly dubious bidder…

"You're missing your lightsaber…" How did he- "You have been staring at mine all morning…I just didn't find the right time to mention it." Oh, yeah…that does make sense.

"Sorry for that… It's just…it was taken from me in a moment of weakness, Cal. Not just that I lost it bothers me…", it kept reminding you of the fact that you lost in that encounter with an enemy. It ate at you, like a damned parasite, you couldn't even keep your lightsaber safe, not even THAT.

How were you supposed to keep those apparent Force Sensitive Children safe if you ever found them? There weren't many adult Jedi left that could teach them the right way…

And just for the sake of…of whatever was left of the old Jedi Order, you should not be one of the people to continue the teachings. You never used to like following these stupid rules too much yourself.

Not to forget, the dead Council would twist in their not-too-nice graves if you would teach them. You were taught partial Dark Side Arts by your late Master, if anything, you would've been a traitor to them if they had ever found out what happened right under their noses.

Squinting at yourself for slowly losing total track of your busy train of thoughts, you sigh out, shaking your head dismissively, "I can't keep hanging myself up on it, I know that myself, you don't need to think that for me…because i know you are.".

You just wished for at least a sliver of a clue to its current location, or even its last…

"I will do anything in my power to help you find it, Kyra..." He promised to you, an almost pained but a certainly strong expression on his freckled face, "Since I'm guessing yours also belonged to someone you once knew." Of course it did, you…you weren't trusted with your own yet at that time, left with a stupid training lightsaber when the attack happened, unable to hurt even a bug with the weak blade the Kathracite in it would create, unlike the actual Kyber Crystals.

Or Bondar Crystals, oh boy. For the, ehem, "shock value" as your master used to joke.

They really weren't fun to get hit with but indeed a shocking experience, to not get sliced to dragon meat dices on immediate impact....

"It belonged to my master…" even more why you needed it back.

Its the last thing you had left of him. The last physical thing. His unusual teachings would never leave your head, his stories of his adventures of crossing the Galaxy before becoming a teacher for Younglings and Padawans like you and his own, very special ways of explaining his points of view always kept close to your heart.

"So just like mine?" The whole time while you went to talk about your lightsabers, you had to remember to tone it down a lot more than usual, your eyes constantly busy making sure nobody in the crowd stood out for being with the Empire. Or even a local was enough right now, this being Bardotta.

During that, you chipped a good portion of the list off, the backpack growing heavier and heavier by each stall you passed. Until Cal unfortunately interrupts your well flowing conversation, seconds after you told an absolutely horrible joke you heard from an old companion of yours, Cal choking at the punchline to a point you had to help him cough his water back up, "Wait- Wait…I think we really should get some of the stuff back to the ship now…" He looked at you and the backpack with an amount of worry you hadn't felt being laid upon you for too long.

It weirdly enough felt really nice, knowing that for once, not everyone thought of you like some unbeatable and inexhaustible creature - even if it was just him. Well okay, with the way he liked to shamelessly admire your nonhuman parts, you couldn't be 100% sure he didn't think you're a creature at least to a certain degree.

"Sure. But no big talky talky breaks with Merrin and the rest, it's going to get dark sooner or later. Bardotta gets cold at night…" you turn on your heels, having kept the way back to the ship somewhat memorized, holding back a laugh as Cal took a moment to realize you actually agreed to his plan instead of arguing, stuck in place, brain buffering like a terrible HoloNet connection, yelling for you to wait for him as he jogs back up to walk next to you. "Well, not that cold though…I'm sure this place looks really nice at night, i mean, look at all the lights around the stalls!"

He was right, there are alot of fairy lights strewn about…

"I don't know…it does sound nice. But, well…" you rub your arm in embarrassment, remembering the undoubtedly incredibly childish teasing back in your not-too-long-ago childhood. Even though you should've grown out of that memory by now. "I get cold real easily…i wouldn't want to ruin this for you with my constant shivering…I'm sure Merrin wouldn't say no to it though! She would be thrilled to see them as well!"

The two of you had nearly left the market as you unexpectedly got stopped by Cal, eyebrows uncharacteristically knitted together as he looked down to you, just a head taller than you, thinking about what to actually say for a minute.

"She definitely would, sure. I definitely could, sure. But I want to get to know you a bit better. Without Greez panicking every two seconds about you devouring him head to toe in his sleep and Merrin interrupting me." He let go of your shoulders, hands falling back down to his sides, something you didn't even register as you were busy staring up into his eyes. The eyes you, without any filter whatsoever, called pretty yesterday before heading to bed.

And you would never take it back. They were pretty, especially in addition to his overall handsome face…wait no!

"Also, please don't worry about feeling cold, if you really got such a bad problem with it. I meant it when I said you could get some of my Ponchos as well, I guarantee you, on BD, there is a warm and cozy one under them!" Immediately BD seemed to almost glare at Cal in disbelief and you didn't know how you discerned that from his usual "expression" but you're sure he was, a small and muted beep that translated to 'Rude' was the only thing he had to say.

As you continued walking, him telling you with passion about all his favorite Ponchos, the one he wanted to show and gift to you specifically, you felt a weird tug at your heart. All the time, you had been so so lonely, the loneliness eating at your live conscious at some nights, you nearly forgot what it was like to have someone actually caring for one and their personal opinions, for their wellbeing even. After a certain event after the purge, you never had spent long enough with people to get to know them, for them to get to know you, neither did it ever matter, all having been short acquaintances solely to get you from Planet A to Planet B. Or C. Or D.

None of them even bothered to ask about you…and with the kind of people you had to travel sometimes, you were very glad about that.

Why was it feeling differently with Cal then?

Because you knew you would stay with them for a while? Because you wanted to stay for a while?

Cal stops at the front of the raised door of the ship, using his comm link to tell Cere that you were back with the first things on the list for now. The door opened quickly, letting both of you back onto the Mantis. After waving a quick 'hey' to Merrin – while also informing her of having found her requested Tea – who was reading a book in the living room, you left the backpack leaning against the couch, hoping at least someone felt inclined to unpack it.

Cal didn't give you lot of time, keeping you to your own words a few minutes ago and already went to usher you back to the quarters in the engine room you shared, teasing you about the fact that you told him to not waste time with talking to the others for too long.

BD, who was until a few minutes ago, surprisingly quiet during the whole trip, hopped off his shoulder to stretch his small legs, a chuckle quick to follow from you, "Since when do Droids need to stretch?"

'Ever since I only get taken to boring missions!' He beeps back irritated before quickly resuming his place back up higher. This time it was your upper back and shoulders as he beeps quickly, 'Quick, take me on an actual adventure, oh pretty pretty Kyra!'

Rummaging through his drawer, Cal scoffs playfully at BD's theatrical request, "You say it like we don't get nearly shot dead on sight on every second planet we decide to set foot on! I would call that pretty adventurous..." He mumbles the last part with fake hurt in his voice.

'Those aren't adventures. Those are eventual death traps…'

From his mention to their danger, your thoughts went to the eventual first real mission for you on the Mantis. Well, would've, weren't it for Cal's thought-puncturing shout, "HA! Found it! This one should be perfect for your little dilemma!"

In his hands he held a nearly white poncho, some grey scale specks over it. The inside looked not just insulated, you were sure you saw some warm fur coating poking out at the folded edges. A cold climate poncho. Clearly not perfect for actual subzero regions…since it was a karking Poncho for crying out loud, but it would be great for cold nights on normal planets.

You wondered where he got it from, your hands naturally going out to grab it from his. A short, yet unexpected brush of his own hands, slightly roughed up and a bit dry from training, sent immediate shivers down your spine and your first "most logical" reaction was to let go of the Poncho in shock, hearing it drop to the ground with a muted thud. For a moment he was about to say something before just smiling at you. "Sorry, thought you had it already, slippery fingers I guess!"

Was the redhead aware of the sudden skin contact and your increasingly stupid behavior today and he just... played it off…or did he really not notice when you pulled your hands off of his like he physically burned you? Which wasn't possible by the way. Dragon People were almost all "fireproof".

You wouldn't make matters worse, nodding at his comment, "Happens sometimes if you got fingers like mine." Wasn't even a total lie, claws were sometimes difficult to do certain things with. And you couldn't even shorten them by a lot, blood vessels starting to run through them at some point. "I think they look…" He stops himself to think, looking at them intently while he crouches down to pick the thick Poncho back up, "I think they look not just cool. They look good on you, they suit you...a dragon without claws would look odd though, wouldn't they?" They definitely would, it was one of your main defense or offense tactics after all.

For your comfort's sake, he seemed to notice that for some reason, he left the conversation subject at that for now, walking back to the main living area with you once more. The backpack was luckily actually empty again, so without much of a break, only to quickly take a sip from the water bottle you took for yourself during breakfast today, like you warned him and he teased you, you once more left the Mantis to go and buy the rest of the list.

And just like you predicted, night came in quickly. Very quickly. Only three hours later, the sun had nearly fully set, only a few of its rays left scattered across the ground as it disappeared behind a distant snowed in mountain.

Now the streets were only illuminated by the Bardottan Moon and street lights. But also by one third important thing, the sole reason you stayed out this long anyways.

Before you even had the chance to start shivering, also like you predicted, Cal took the liberty to take the Poncho from the backpack's strap from its current place on the ground where you put the once again heavy object for a short break. You weren't able to get your question about 'what he was doing exactly' out when he was already carefully placing the poncho over your head, taking note of your wings and horns – trying his absolute hardest to not accidentally brush against the later after your very obvious reaction about them yesterday.

A small sheepish wave when your head popped back out on the other end of the opening woke you from your trance, staring in surprised awe at him, "Hello there, welcome to comfy town." He sang, a bright undoubtedly happy smile on his face, using your moment of needing to mentally hard reboot yourself to reach for the backpack himself this time, a huff leaving his lips.

Back to reality, you're about to protest about him carrying it, when he stops you with his single-gloved hand, telling you it was alright if he carried it now. He was strong as well after all, not like you, but he wouldn't break and fall apart like the plastic brick toys you both apparently got to know after a heated discussion about them this morning. You vaguely remember the name Jego, initial envy playing a big part in those memories. Envy you had to swallow as a Padawan back then. Until you got a set on one of your sparsely celerated birthdays, a gift from the commander of the Clone Troop that served under your Master.

"Come, stop daydreaming for once. I wanna see the lights…we won't get this much time everyday for a while now, so we should enjoy it while it lasts. Or while the rest don't actively collect us to leave again of course." Once again, as if automatic, his bigger hands found yours. It also – once more – sent more shivers down your scaley spine, feeling your wings subtly react to said shiver as well. But you left your hand right in his anyways, the warmth radiating alone from just his hands feeling incredible.

Getting to the nicely decorated stalls was even easier now, the shopping crowd gone now that the actual market was closed for the night. That only left you, other visitors and general off world tourists, all those that weren't already used to the bright lights basically lighting up the night on their own. Fairy lights were a weird thing, so small and yet they managed to bring so much simple joy to a whole mass of people.

All by just doing their job. By doing only as they were supposed to do.

"Look, those even change their color, Cal!" You point out to one in particular, the colors ranging from pink all the way to orange, the most vivid variations of the colors in between being showcased. It transfixed both of you almost immediately as you both had the same baffled expression on your faces, mouths hanging slightly open. "I…I never saw such things on the other planets…not the colorful ones at least."

And especially not at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant…

(To part 2 of chapter 4)

___________________

[iloveyoukyra]

4/3/24 2:41pm

Again a lot of shit happened so I’m just gonna sum it up. Edit: omg it’s so long I’m sorry

I forgot exactly how it happened I think we just scheduled to talk. We talked and I finally dropped the bomb I’m leaving for a while very soon. I started crying, I was very upset and I didn’t want to go. I miss you and I like it here better and I just don’t want to go. You comforted me and I retracted saying if you don’t want to give me this I don’t want it, I rather you leave. You comforted me and again you got affectionate. You let me kiss your neck and such and you did the same. You said I can’t kiss you on the lips and I respected that boundary. You were the one who broke it, even making it a bit sexual. You bit me making me moan, and you left marks. It made me so upset because I just wanted anything you’d give me even if it physically hurt. You also leaned me back on the bed kissing me. It felt so good. It confused me but I was ok with it. We ate, sat on the porch, and got ice cream. I asked something like what are we gonna do when we get home? And you got mad you said that you have stuff to do and that this is it. You then expressed that I should be fine with what you offer and not expect so much, and should respect your boundaries. You also said it’s emotionally manipulative because it makes you feel guilty. I explained that I asked that because I wanted to clarify what we are doing as in, are we doing something or should I get ready for bed, I wasn’t proposing anything more or begging for more and that I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty. On the car ride home I got upset and expressed how sad I was and I didn’t want to do this. I was really upset. You snapped at me saying “this is your choice, I don’t like how you’re trying to emotionally manipulate me to feel guilty” and I was genuinely confused. I was just trying to confide in you, I apologized and tried explaining it.

The entire night you’d sprinkle in little bits of sexually charged things but then would follow up with hurtful things. Like “eventually you’ll want another girl to do this”. I don’t get why’d you’d ruin the moment for me like that after you see how much it meant to me. I also noticed when we were “spending time” together like eating or hanging out on the porch, you were on your phone ignoring me and texting others when I was trying to engage. It reminded me about how this was an issue we had in our relationship and it made me sad seeing it still persistent outside it too. It made me think a lot about how maybe I’m that boring or undeserving, but I know that’s not true. I deserve basic human respect and you just can’t give that to me sometimes. It made me think about how I shouldn’t have to sit there and feel horrible. It made me sad seeing you treat me like that Kyra. I just was unhappy seeing you treat me poorly all night, accusing me of this and that and then treating me with little respect, then just doing whatever you wanted to me without even really asking when I always do. It was uncomfortable to watch but needed.

I forgot exactly what happened between us these next days, I think we were in minimal contact and I hung out with my friends a bit.

I believe you bread crumbed me again and I got pissed so I stopped reciprocating. You tried to hug me without asking and I pushed you off and said no. I was mad because when I do it I always ask but when you do, you don’t?

When I was hanging out with them I told them how ugly I felt and they freaked out on me. They all told me that I was very attractive and stuff. I though they were just saying to make a bro feel better. One of them asked me a question that made me really uncomfortable they asked “do you think you’re ugly? Or did she make you feel ugly?”. I don’t think I’m the most attractive so yeah it’s also a me issue, but I remember reading through my journal always criticizing myself for not being attractive enough for you. I always seemed to think I was unattractive because of how inconsistent your affection and attention was. It always felt like I had to fight for it in some way and it was because I was lacking. I was so hard on myself. I was so unhappy with myself. It made me so upset to come to terms with this. My friends gave me so much reassurance so quickly and so easily.

It was a difficult night for me. I hung out with another friend that night and we talked a lot about it. She’s a great listener. I HATE talking about it and you. I don’t like to. I don’t like thinking about it even. Talking about it made me feel sad and confused. My friend started crying and I did a bit too but I cried because I was beginning to realize what was happening to me.

I gave you back your stuff and you started to panic. I still have more stuff to give you unfortunately.

While you were panicking all of a sudden you became very affectionate. Crying into me and you started to hold me and just cry. It was very confusing because earlier that week you pushed me away saying it was wrong, or too much for you, then you switched up again. You told me how much of an asshole I was being because I was giving back gifts, love letters, photos. You asked me what to do with them and I said throw them away or keep them I don’t want them. Lies. I want them. I still do. I can’t do it right now, and I can’t keep them physically near me anymore. I don’t trust myself. You yelled at me to get out and I did.

I knocked on your door again to give you more stuff and You told me how much you miss me rn and how you’re going to miss me when I leave. You kept saying I don’t want you to go and begged me not to. The switch up is crazy for me. A couple days prior you were hostile about it “this is your choice, you’re making this decision!” now your upset? It’s confusing. You asked me if I still loved you and I knew what I wanted to say but I felt my teeth grit and I said “I asked you that a couple of days ago, and you responded with “I don’t know what love is”, I wonder how that made me feel?” And you just began to cry more and started trying to explain why you said that but I stopped listening. You then said “you’re right I don’t deserve to know I’m a bad person.” And to that I said nothing. I just held you. There was a lot more that happened. We talked about our relationship for a bit. You asked me how could I go from begging for you one day to wanting nothing to do with you

Then you were like you need to leave. You said something about reaching out to me. I said I wouldn’t and you asked if I was blocking you and I told you this is something for me to decide once I leave. I’m not reaching out again. I’ve begged, embarrassed and humiliated myself to get a lick of your attention, even when I do it doesn’t feel like you value my presence anyways. If you want me you have to prove that to me. It was horribly difficult for me.

I know 2 days ago I think we were supposed to hangout and we just cuddled and loved on each other. I asked you why the switch up, what happened to “this is wrong, pushing me away, telling me to leave.” You said now that you understand I understand “this is over” you feel more comfortable showing how you truly feel. That whole thing doesn’t make any sense to me but I didn’t care at the moment. Now it just sounds wrong and doesn’t sit right with me. It felt good at the time. You then made it sexual. You said you wanted to and I said I did too. I gave you what you wanted but when it was my turn you expressed how you wanted to but you didn’t feel good. I’m not upset about that at all. I get it. I noticed that the last 2 times it’s been like that though and I feel insecure/scared you’re just using me a bit. Then you said you felt like you were going to throw up and left. I felt sad, embarrassed, ashamed, and confused. I’m not accusing you of anything, I’m not asking for more, I understand and respect your boundaries, but it seems like when you don’t want to reciprocate you just toss me to the side after you get what you want. It hurts to secretly feel this way. It’s embarrassing.

After that you’ve been asking me everyday if I’m going to leave. You keep telling me you want to see me. It makes me scared and nervous. You also have been affectionate every time I see you almost, even sexual. I got changed yesterday and you felt me up before I left. You’ll tell me you love me, you miss me etc. it’s complete whiplash. I’m used to cowering in my room to avoid you but now it’s like I don’t need to.

Yesterday was not fun for me. It was mental torment. We hung out for a min in the morning and then you told me to leave and I left. I went to the doctors and the mall and had fun! I came home and you were affectionate felt me up when I got changed into my bathing suit then said you had something to do you’ll see me maybe tomorrow. I was like ok and left to hangout with a friend. We went on a picnic and smoked a bit. We just talked about life. It was nice. I felt happy to be valued and listened to! I genuinely had lots of fun even though the bugs were AWFUL. Well, things shifted. She asked me if I wanted to cuddle and I said I’d be ok holding hands if that’s ok. We held hands and she started to feel my muscles (I was wearing a tight tank top). She said she has never felt muscles before and she said mine were really nice, even joked asking if I was flexing. It was very flattering and I felt myself feel gooey inside. I was working really hard on myself, I know I could see it, but I didn’t know if any one else could. That made me feel really happy. I genuinely felt a little joy!!! Somehow she moved from my arms to my stomach and chest and she said in a soft tone “you feel really nice” and I laughed and thanked her saying I better bc it took lots of work. She held my arms and caressed them saying how attractive they were bc of the veins and how muscular they were. I haven’t felt so seen and flattered in so long. It felt wrong to be touched by another girl and to be flattered by her interests and compliments. I told her this felt wrong. I felt guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed. Most importantly I felt extremely panicked and sick to my stomach. It was like someone drove a knife into my stomach and twisted it. We agreed this would not be happening again.

This experience was uncomfortable but insightful. I don’t like this girl, I’m not attracted to her, I would never pursue anything but a friendship but I did enjoy the feeling she gave me. The feeling was bittersweet. I felt uncomfortable because I don’t trust her, I don’t know her hygiene, I don’t like her like that, I want someone else to do this with me. It’s like Washing Machine Heart by Mitski

“I know who you pretend I am” 😭💀

I was not looking at her the entire time only up at the clouds. I didn’t want it to be her I wanted it to be Kyra, but I knew it wasn’t. It felt wrong to use someone. Was I using her if she wanted it? She knew this was nothing too.

I also felt bad because it felt so good. It was like a slap in the face. I felt happy. I felt content! I felt secure! I felt somewhat comfortable! I smiled and kicked my feet. I knew that this was not a thing that would happen again, there are no feelings, this was it, this moment right here was it, and I was ok with that and that was enough for me. I wasn’t upset, I didn’t expect something else, I walked away and said “see you when I see you next :D!” and waved knowing I shared a piece of me with someone and got to take it back home with me!

In that moment I realized how different Kyra’s affection feels. I am stressed, nervous, scared, guilty, angry, hurt, and always on eggshells with her affection. She gives it to me and then rips it out underneath me. She tells me how wrong it is, how bad it is, it makes me feel terrible about my feelings and myself. It makes me feel like everything I’m feeling is wrong, I’m doing the wrong things, I am wrong. When she takes it away I recoil awfully like I’ve been burned terribly, but after I sit there and I’m like “I should’ve known what did you expect Jordan? This is what happens everytime!”. I feel pathetic and drained after. when I pull myself back together that’s when she comes back. It feels different. I feel sad all the time and scared, with my friend I felt good I smiled, laughed, and truly enjoyed the moment. Kyra makes me go into fight or flight mode once she’s done with me. I’m always in high alert when to expect her to be done with me. That’s not normal. It should feel like let’s just enjoy each other and the moment, we may not be here tomorrow. Not “I want this, ok I’m done bye”. It’s not normal for me to feel this way. I should feel secure, valued, and appreciated without any doubts. I shouldn’t have to be on high alert, I shouldn’t have to be suspicious of ulterior motives. This is wrong, and that’s what makes me so sad. I realized how much things have changed between us and it makes me sick to my stomach. I want things to feel normal again between us but I know they can’t and they may never will. It hurts because I know at one point it felt way better than what my friend gave me. What we had was enough for me. Now it’s only hurting me. That’s why I have to leave too. I love you but I can’t keep hurting myself because of your instability and uncertainty. I can’t keep doing this to myself. The future is horrifying to look into, but I know what’s meant for me will make it known and that I will trust in.

I wish Kyra could be that for me now, and I hope she can be in the future but I’m going to heal first before even considering that.

[ace-angel-judas]

Soyeon definitely got her own armybomb

Soyeon is just sitting on Kyra, waving her little army bomb into oblivion.

Also probably puts it in her mouth at one point because she's a toddler and that's what toddlers do.

[skrunksthatwunk]

IM GOIGN TO FUCKIG EXPLODE‼️‼️‼️👊👊💥‼️💥💥💥💥 i. timlets. tumblr user kyra timlets im going to slide my ribcage under a hydraulic press youre kILLINBG ME. you're commiting mutualicide i hope you know that

i. gwAUGH i always forget about the itsuki kuwabara parallels so i haven't thought about it much but like... the idea of itsuki's fascination with sensui and watching him grow darker and darker vs kuwabara sticking to his honor code because he knows urameshi plays dirty and kinda wants that honor to rub off on him. I CAN FIX HIM HYDROGEN BOMB VS I CAN MAKE HIM WORSE COUGHING BABY, A RARE MATCHUP ONLY KUWABARA COULD PULL OFF

thinking about the urameshi organ smasher too like. do you think yusuke really thought about how much he impacted kuwabara, even in a physical sense? not eating for a WEEK?? even if exaggerated, i still can't imagine kuwabara responding to that with anything but fondness and love. like (sigh) that punk urameshi got me pretty good huh........ surrounded by little heart bubbles and daydreaming about getting his ass kicked again and feeling the effects of yusuke so viscerally, so painfully and still coming back for more and asking for seconds while beaming and giggling his little ass off, IM GOING TO BE SICK HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE. FIGHTING IS MOSTLY A MEANS TO AN END FOR HIM IT'S A LIFESTYLE THAT CHANGES. IT'S NOT LIKE IT IS FOR YUSUKE. BUT HE FIGHTS ANYWAY TO GET STRONGER SO HE'S WORTH YSUUKE'S TIME I FUCKING CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT I HATE TOGASHI AND I HATE GAY PEOPLE

and the thought that seeing yusuke die again killed kuwabara's taste for fighting...... the peace he always wanted and appreciated more than yusuke who kept running into danger over and over, how kuwabara fought alongside him because that was a dream come true, getting to help him and stay with him and die for him and see him shining in his element. (god the way he talks about the knife edge death match makes me fuckign. christ. i need to lie on the ground have someone kick me.) and how seeing yusuke die, him failing to protect him and losing faith in everything he thought about the world, the mythology of heroes and villains and last minute saves he's clung to i just. god. how could there be a reason for this has been ringing in my head over and over in the days since i wrote this post and i just. haughhhgggoiguughhgggGGGODb and every time they fight there's a chance it happens again, and even if he or yusuke comes back or narrowly escapes they're wounded and they almost lose each other and it hurts and maybe he needs to put it away. especially when yusuke leaves him. he makes that decision to stop blindly following yusuke and taking care of himself and his future and paying attention to his life outside of being his shadow. but again he only does that bc yusuke prompts him to. dry heaving

they make me unwell and you're making it worse!! thank you for the wonderful addition im going to go lie at the bottom of an elevator shaft <3

thinking about how when hiei kurama and kuwabara were trying to bust out of itsuki's interdimensional monster guy and kurama was like ok. itsuki we're going to torture you until you let us out. so we can fight sensui 4-v-1 kuwabara was so desperate to save yusuke that he was fine with both of these plans that he otherwise would have found so dishonorable he woulda died to avoid them. but not if it's for yusuke. and when sensui kills him anyway kuwabara's also fine with 3-v-1 if it means he gets to avenge yusuke, even if it means humanity basically gets wiped out because of it. kurama and hiei are the same, but it's kuwabara who most consistently risks his life by clinging to his honor code, and here is probably the one time he breaks it. bc he can't lose yusuke again. if he doesn't even know who he is without yusuke then how is he supposed to be the same guy with the stupid honor code? like that matters now. he can't be the bigger man if he's barely even a person without him. jeeeezzzzz