#kuroo tetsurou astrology bitch

[maybe-a-dinosaur]

i saw this tik tok forever ago and can’t find it now but was like “kuroo knows nothing about astrology but Swears he doesn’t trust geminis”

this has become a pivotal part of his character in my head kuroo tetsurou doesn’t know Anything about astrology but uses it to insult people and thinks he’s so fucking funny. the extent of his knowledge is the names of the signs and that’s all he needs does he know anyone’s sign? no he doesn’t need to the jabs still land he’s a Master instigator.

bokuto buys a lottery ticket doesn’t win anything complains about it over lunch kuroo raises an eyebrow says “it’s cuz you’re a sagittarius” goes back to eating. it only works bc he’s so quick with it yaku gets pissed off starts yelling in the locker room kuroo elbows lev “pisces men ammirite?” eyebrows exaggeratedly high head tilted dramatically turns away starts tying his shoes. akaashi’s talking about a restaurant he went to - the atmosphere was great but the food was just okay - kuroo scoffs “that’s such a virgo thing to say” kejii blinks flips him off keeps talking. kenma forgets his keys at home locks himself out calls kuroo “you’re such a fucking capricorn” hangs up immediately . one day at practice everyone’s off their game he calls a huddle stands with a hand on his hip looks around “guys. is it because mercury’s in retrograde?” Dead silence coach nekomata puts his head in his hands and ends practice early. kuroo meets oikawa for the first time 10 minutes in interrupts him mid-sentence finger in the air smirk on his face “i bet you’re a leo moon” “What. is that supposed to mean.”

it’s mostly for the bit though kuroo doesn’t believe in astrology by principle like “i am the master of my fate” or whatever But. but. he swears up and down he doesn’t trust geminis. daichi introduces him to sugawara (gemini sticker on his phone) kuroo narrows his eyes in suspicion no wonder he’s so good at volleyball. he claims his lack of trust is cuz koushi cheats at monopoly (he does) but no. gemini.

[ak8shi]

━ ☼ An astrological analysis of the Haikyuu Boys brought to you by two astro bitches, Angela [@bbytetsu] & Chloe [@ak8shi] ! ☼

━KARASUNO

i. Sugawara Koushi

ii. Kageyama Tobio

━AOBA JOHSAI

iii. Oikawa Tooru

iv. Iwaizumi Hajime

━NEKOMA

v. Kuroo Tetsurou

vi. Kozume Kenma

━FUKURODANI

vii. Akaashi Keiji

viii. Bokuto Koutarou

━JOHZENJI

ix. Terushima Yuuji

━SHIRATORIZAWA

x. Ushijima Wakatoshi

━INARIZAKI

xi. Miya Atsumu

━ITACHIYAMA

xii. Sakusa Kiyoomi

[eitelle]

YOOO CAN I PRETTY PLEASE GET A MATCHUP OKAY UH HERES SOME THINGS ABOUT ME

-i love worms on a string, yk those thingys? idk how you wouldnt know anyways. these bitches.

-chronically ill gang gang B)

-my fav color is light green wnd baby pink :) although my blog is purple.... tf

-sun gemini, rising gemini, moon aquarius, venus taurus, mars leo, mercury cancer <3

-can i get matched with a haikyuu boy pretty please

-i may or may not be 4’10 😐

-the names mack duhhhhhh

-im an intp

-favorite foods are penne pasta, cake, fried rice, and french fries (￣▽￣)

-im super swag. actuALLY IM A SWAGLORD

-a lot of my friends either call me the mom friend or the overprotectivr friend

-i rlly rlly love playing jailbreak on roblox- i bully kids there too but i genuinely play jailbreak like hours a day

-im awkward. really fuckin awkward.

-i cant tell social cues for SHIT

-i normally match people’s energies cause im worried everyone hates me 🥵🥵

-i had a raging fnaf phase in sixth grade

-my favorite candy is sour punch straw bites they SLAP OH MY GOD

-when im nervous i play with my hands

-im really fuckin touch starved bro. like it’s so bad ou my god

-i like to smell like roses

-my fav flowers are roses actually hehe

-i love strawberries and raspberries and blueberries sm. hands down best fruits are berries

-idek what else to say message me if you need anything else 🥵🥵🥵🥵

bitch u scare me so much. anyways. UR MF 4’10 I- HAHAHAHDJDJDDHHDNXHCHEJDFH HINATA- AND-AND NISHINOYA ARE TALLER THAN YOU *WHEEZE*

i match you with: tooru oikawa jkjk i match you with kuroo tetsurou 🤩

i gave u such a good one be thankful mf

hcs:

yall have study dates pls-

not that u get any work done

YOU HAVE TO TUTOR HIM IN ENGLISH SJSHDHJDJDHXH

he will force u to be nekomas manager. no doubt.

mf will learn ab astrology for you

in turn you play with his hair

yall would growl and bark over text 😞👎

jkjk i do it too

friends to lovers only u forced ur friends to come w yall to ur dates bc yall awkward as hell‼️

tried to call u kitten,,, he ended up calling u his milf 😐🙏

you tell him he reminds u of all of bakusquad but mostly sero

he then watched mha

he now kins sero.

adopted a stray cat and named it tink idfk why

its small and white and fluffy tho

he was debating on naming it marshmallow... what in the white straight girl-

MF I CAN HEAR HIS LAUGH HELP-

imagine:

you and kuroo walking hand in hand on a walk in the park and then you trip over a mushroom. idk why. but then before you can fall you hear your spiky haired nerd of a bfs annoying hyena laugh behind you causing u to land on your knees.

“DID YOU JUST- TRIP OVER A- A- MUSHROOM,” he gasped out helping you to your feet as you stand up glaring at him.

“yeah and if you kin sero shouldnt u be able to save me?” you say in retaliation. it shut him up real fast causing you two to walk home in silence. then he said before you were about to apologize, “it was still funny tho.” before you throttled his ass 🥰🥺🙏

^artbreeder kuroo

ok now texts. JEJSHDHJDDHCH

i cant do yalls ship name. i physically dont trust myself,,, like literally im so tired rn PLS- anyways here u go milf