#kunizai angst

[dazaisms]

❀°:.• THIS CAN'T GO ON ANY LONGER

synopsis. they need to talk. he can't cope with this any longer.

pairing. kunikida doppo × dazai osamu (bungo stray dogs)

cw. angst, established relationship, break up angst guys. mentions & depictions of su1c1d3.

Kunikida loves Dazai. Of course he does. He is the blonde's beloved boyfriend after all.

Everything seemed perfect, too. At least, to those who didn't see right through them.

Few people could see Kunikida's health, mental and physical, quickly deteriorating. Yet, nobody but the man himself knew the cause of it.

But when something affects Kunikida, he makes it his goal to fix it instantly. But he hasn't. Why?

Because he couldn't do it. He knew it would break Dazai, and that would only break himself.

But he has to do it. It's now or never.

All because he was tired. Tired of Dazai's rambling about Chuuya. Tired of staying up late and waking up in the middle of the night because Dazai had attempted again.

Don't get him wrong, he absolutely loves Dazai and loves helping the brunette. But his body, and his mental well-being couldn't keep up with it.

And absolutely none of it was in his ideals.

But he didn't think things through before calling Dazai over to talk. With the way he stated it, too, he knew that his boyfriend would be panicking and just brushing it off and bottling it up.

But he was losing sleep, and he couldn't take it any longer. He can't get up to bandage Dazai's arms, he can't get up to get him from the roof and comfort him within his embrace.

He was physically and mentally exhausted.

Which is why he had to do this. He had to break up with Dazai.

At least until the two of them had improved mentally.

...

It didn't take long for Dazai to make it to Kunikida's door, rushing in immediately, his breathing heavy.

"Kuni? Hey, is everything okay? Why did you need to talk so suddenly?"

The bandage covered brunette rushed towards the taller blonde, panic settled in his eyes and his hands desperately gripping the others arms.

Kunikida took a deep breath, slender fingers pushing his glasses up his nose before he spoke, in a shaky voice (which was very unlike him).

"Listen, 'samu. You do know I love you, and you mean the world to me, correct?"

Dazai stared up at him, mouth agape and eyes almost doe-like as he nodded. "o-of course i know, kuni! you remind me everyday! what's going on? are you okay?"

All Kunikida could do was let out a quiet sigh and shake his head, gentle hands pulling the other's away from his body.

"I love you so much, dear. But this can't go on any longer, I cannot deal with this any longer. Make me out to be the bad person, hate me, despise me, I don't care. As long as you're smiling and happy.

"But for the sake of my own health, I'm breaking up with you. At least until my mental and physical health are recovered, if you would take me back after, that is. But if we stay together, it will be too dangerous for the two of us. Just please, do not resort to attempting again because I'm doing this.

"I'll still be here when you desperately need me, but please. I just.. I need to break up with you."

After taking in his words, Dazai slowly and gently pulled his hands out of Kunikida's grip. His mouth opened and closed, as if he was trying to say something, but nothing came out.

"R-right. I understand, kunikida! If that's what you really think is right, then it must be, hm?"

Dazai spoke with a close-eyed smile, his head tilted to the side a little. He pulled himself away from Kunikida as a whole, walking backwards towards the door, before spinning around to leave.

"I'll.. see you at work tomorrow."

When Dazai had left, Kunikida finally let himself break down. He sat on his bed, pulling his glasses off and letting his tears fall into the palms of his hands.

He knew Dazai was hurt, and he was just faking the smile to hide it all.

He knew what he did hurt Dazai Osamu. Which made him unsure if he would actually see him at work the next day.

Spoiler alert: he doesn't.

toby's notes ;

more angst, i really am allergic to happiness :3 /j

[vivizaii]

wanted to live but didnt x wanted to die but didnt </3

im gonna shoot myself in the hea

[lotus-pear]

mourning black and the death of ideals

[fyodorsushankaaa]

THIS DESERVES MORE ATTENTION IT'S SO GOOD.

My Sun and Stars, What Do The Cosmos Look Like?

🩹 Dazai POV 🩹

Kunizai angst

Green. 

The color green represents harmony. Something that Kunikida harvested all too well. I’ve always liked the color green, it reminded me of Kunikida, something that made me often smile to myself. I haven’t smiled in two weeks. 

The agency office was empty, and it was dark. The sun was setting on the horizon of the ocean, yet I hadn’t left yet. My slim fingers drummed against Kunikida’s desk, which was the one I sat at. 

His ideal book was placed in front of me, the golden sunlight pouring in through the window highlighted the green of his notebook. I liked that shade of green, more than I really should, however I didn’t consider it my favorite color. 

My favorite color is a different shade of green, a more grayish shade of green, the color of Kunikida’s eyes. Like a dark forest, it seemed to house many secrets that could be uncovered if you simply ran through it deep enough. 

I’ve never been one to cry, yet every night since Kunikida’s death, I’ve been silently letting tears fall down my cheeks as I go to sleep. It’s always been hard to get up in the morning, especially since my habit of drinking always left me hungover, yet I haven’t had enough energy to drink, I could barely sleep. 

And every time I slept, I’d sleep till 7pm, or even later, no matter what time I went to bed. I just gazed down at Kunikida’s ideal book, silent tears slipping down my cheeks. 

Kunikida’s always been like my sun and stars, from the day I met him, I knew I was in love. He made my heart pound like no other woman had before, he was aggressive, yet so gentle, like a swan. 

His lips were always so soft, he said chapstick was something ideal for him, it made his lips taste like vanilla, that’s why I love vanilla, well, loved vanilla. The sun continued to set, the golden glow slowly fading away into an orange color. 

My tears fell onto Kunikida’s notebook. Why does the world take away everything I love? Everything I desire? Everything I never want to lose is always lost. Before I knew it, a sharp pain echoed through my fist. 

I looked down, I didn’t even realized I’d stood up, yet there was a fist sized crater in Kunikida’s desk. I looked at my fist, wincing in pain. There were a few splinters, and blood. I let out a half sigh, half sob as I fell to my knees on the shiny floor of the ADA’s building. 

The sallow light shone down on my lanky and tall figure. As tears endlessly flowed down my cheeks like a river, the thought of Kunikida being gone plagued my already fragile mind. He’s in the stars now, I wonder if one day, preferably soon, he’d show me around the constellations, and our souls could endlessly dance together through the universe, until time itself stops. 

A/N: PLEASE LET KUNIKIDA LIVE HIM AND DAZAI NEED TO GET MARRIED. I also found out Kunikida died at the airport, coincidence? yeah probably

[riolone-moon]

Knkdz expressing their love for each other

And of course, Dazai messing with Kuni

[angosverycoolglasses]

I miss them

They kiss tho

[mk4u10]

They make me sick. They should all kiss honestly-

[picklebunbun]

Angst Dazai Osamu, Drabble

TW; attempted suicide, author heavily projects on Dazai (but I'm okay), implied Kunizai (even though kunikida deserves someone that actually smells good), Dazai goes into the hospital for intensive care.

"When I die, I hope I go out just as beautifully"

"I'd really prefer if you didn't go at all"

...

Self destruction.

That's all Dazai does.

He destroys his mind.

his heart.

his body.

his loved ones.

his own self.

until there's nothing left.

All he can really think about is how aggravating his voice is.

The sun is too bright.

There are too many people.

I don't feel like myself.

My skin is too uncomfortable.

My hair is disgusting.

My skin feels tight.

I can feel my sweat, why does my face have to be so oily?

At first, I felt this way, temporarily. But only for a bit. I knew it was silly. It's only inner-tantrums that I have, I'm an adult, I get over them and begin a new day.

So why is it insufferable.

It's difficult to deal with.

And maybe because it's the same thing,

over and

over and

over again.

Everyday, it's tiring to get through, it's tiring to hear my thoughts, it's tiring to annoy everyone just to feel some type of thrill

It's tiring being here in general.

There's no point in enjoying anything.

There's no point in feeling sad.

There's no point feeling anything.

It's unbearable keeping up the act for years and years to come.

This self-loathing has to stop.

Dazai thinks to himself.

Don't pity yourself, you look like a damn fool.

He gets up, his back immediately cracking itself from the uncomfortable sleeping position he puts himself through. His bandages come loose as he was careless from his tossing and turning, the other object being affected were the empty beer bottles. Glasses clasping with eachother and they tumble down. Just how he inevitably will.

The blanket droops down his body, showcasing the random bruises littered on his body. They could've only been done by Dazai. And Dazai alone.

And the scars.

The unforgettable scars.

The ones that he inflicted, chiping away skin and ripping flesh apart for his own selfish gain.

It's something so shameful, that he can't bring himself to even look at it.

Everyone knows what the bandages meant.

And they feel worried for him.

Dazai can see the concerned glances from his co-workers,

from Kunikida.

Damn him.

Damn him for feeling sorry for himself, he doesn't deserve the care,

the affection that everyone gives him.

He's a disgusting man who should suffer the consequences of being so idiotic and senseless.

He's just a big moron.

A moron who has nothing to live for.

He doesn't come into work that day,

his stomach churns, an imoending feeling of doom looms over him.

Kunikida stopped by his room, knocking at the door but never coming in. His voice muffled by the partition from door to room, he'd asking if Dazai's okay.

The greasy man let's out a hoarse 'yes'

His pathetic body shivering under the sheets.

He lays there, like a log. Nothing to do and nothing going through his mind.

He looks at the clock.

The stained, cracked clock.

You've run out of time.

There he is,

loverboy holding his bloodied hand

undergone an intensive surgery, Dazai wakes up.

The first thing he sees,

is Kunikida clasping his hands together with Dazai's sandwiched in the middle. He was praying

Do you know what giving up truly means?

it's not only focusing your attention on something else because you've 'given up' on your task.

But that giving up was always an option.

Something you were willing to do from the start.

If you always had it as a choice, you should've saved yourself some time

because you're always going to choose to give up

Dazai's shaking hand strokes the individual strands on Kunikida's head.

"Please.."

Dazai perks up.

"Please what?"

"Please.. don't do this again"

Are you joking at a time like this.

Dazai giggles.

"I can't promise-"

"-Just please.."

He cuts him off.

"Don't end up as another number, I can't lose you too"

...

I'd really prefer if you didn't go at all.

[sleepykichii33]

bsd chapter 117 spoilers

thinking about how dazai would probably forget kunikida died due to ptsd, sitting there in his chair feeling confused as he would stare at the man’s desk wondering when he’d show up, thinking “it isn’t like kunikida to be late, is he okay?” and dazai would wait and wait until he couldn’t anymore, whether it was a mission or from his own exhaust, and he’d never understand why everyone would look at him with such sympathetic expressions. he’d even hallucinate him, swearing he’d see the man in the corner of his eye but kunikida would just so happen to disappear right when he turned his head to get a better look. it frustrated him when no one else seemed to wonder where the man was, why they weren’t just as confused as him.

[sickficideas]

dazai being very idle and quiet when sick or badly injured hurts kunikida a lot to see because he can’t believe it but he wants to see dazai be his bubbly annoying energetic self again, he tries to get him to say something or do something to mess with him or trigger his silly antics cause it’s sad to see him like this

I saw this on Twitter recently and this ask made me think of this because it's canon 😭 They get very concerned when Dazai is like this, he's hard to speak to and it's scary because he's never like that 💔 When he's very sick or injured and resting in the infirmary and he's acting this way Kunikida stays with him the whole time 💔 He's happy if he can even get a little half-smile from Dazai...💔💔😭😭 Dazai is fond of Kunikida being concerned over him...he doesn't want him to worry but sometimes he doesn't have the it in him to put on an act 😭

[psylunari]

Damn, it's November already?

Chapter 3 of Dazai, Kunikida, Age Fourteen is out.

As usual, Portuguese-only till I finish translating it myself. International readers are welcome to machine translate to read, even if it's kind of wonky, if they really want to.

~13,700 words. Slice of life. Fluff and angst.

Refer to the debut post for further info on the fic. Enjoy <3

[elkieanddoppo]

warning: messy plot

~~

dooming the least doomable dazai ship is actually crazy but it happened....

"Two birds on a wire. One tries to fly away. And the other,, watches him close from that wire. He says he wants to aswell but he's just a liar."

Kunikida and Dazai both promised to each other that they'll stay alive. As surprising at it sounds, yes, Dazai agreed to the promise.

Dazai had to leave for Mersault. Because his plans will start there. But then he was killed by his former partner, Chuuya Nakahara. Or did he actually die?

No. It was still a part of his plan.

He didn't die. He continued with his 'fight' with Fyodor until he successfully 'defeated' him.

Did I say successfully? Actually, Fyodor's ability states that when he dies, he'll transform into the person who killed him. And in this case, it was Bram, the Lord of the Undead.

Bram was back in Yokohama when he felt the chill. He knows what's happening. He pushed Aya who was beside him and told her to run away. However, she didn't get a chance to when Fyodor suddenly took over his body.

Timeskip when Fyodor and Ame-no-gozen were against three ADA members, Tanizaki, Kunikida, and the late-comer Atsushi. They were no match for the other two, Kunikida thought. So that's when he thought of a plan. The kids should run away while he's distracting this... creature.

And so he did exactly that.

The ame-no-gozen pierced his sword right into Kunikida's chest.

As he fades away, he said these lines:

"I'm sorry, Osamu. I couldn't keep my promise. But don't worry, my ideals will live on. Please take care of it and yourself. Please do not follow me into the afterlife. I love you."

~

As Dazai finally arrived, he immediately searched for any of the ADA members. He spotted atsushi running towards his direction.

"Atsushi, where is everyone?"

"D-dazai-san! You're back...! I... The president is somewher among these boulders. He said he's gonna rest for a minute, also said to let him be as he's mourning.... So i ran towards here and i.... well um idk where the others are... tanizaki and... kunikida though... tanizaki went for the ame-no-gozen, i couldnt stop him from running away from me. i tried to catch up to him but well.... im sorry."

"... you tried your best, atsushi." dazai said as he pat the younger's head. "where's kunikida then?"

atsushi's breathe hitched. he lowered his head as he tried his best not to cry. he gets a notebook from his pocket and gave it to the brunette.

"im so sorry, dazai-san... he- kunikida-san is...." atsushi let his tears flow as dazai took the notebook from his hands. it had ideals written on the front. this was kunikida's notebook. where is he. please dont tell him...

"no. please stop joking, atsushi..." dazai felt his tears fall. he didnt even bother wiping it. showing weakness, be damned.

"im sorry. im sorry i couldnt protect him. dazai sannnn" atsushi cried.

hes gone.

hes gone

HES GONE

HIS BELOVED PARTNER

HIS LOVER IS GONE

he.. he promised... he promised he wont die....

then dazai screamed. screamed so loud that chuuya has to run up to him and comfort him.

he couldnt stop crying.

whats the point of even living anymore.

without kunikida, he's nothing.

without kunikida, dazai osamu is just a broken doll.

[vivizaii]

whos gonne check up on dazai every morning now to make sure he didnt die?

[19zai]

When Shadows Close In

The evening sun shown through the Agency window, illuminating the desks and scattered papers. Dazai Osamu sat at his desk, absentmindedly spinning a pen between his fingers. Papers were strewn haphazard across the surface, mingling with half finished reports and a cold cup of coffee that had lost its warmth. The soft hum of conversations filled the air, punctuated by the rhythmic tapping of keyboards and the occasional laughter of his colleagues.

He glanced at the clock, it's hands ticking steadily, but the minutes felt stretched, taunting him with the knowledge that work would be over in about an hour. Dazai had a bet going on with Ranpo of how long he could sit at his desk, pretending to do work to get Kunikida of his back, before kunikida realized he hadn't done any work at all that day. Sweat dropped down his forehead, it was way to hot in the office in his opinion.

Dazai had one hour left of work to get through before he could win the bet. Most of the others had left earlier, done with their work. Only Dazai, Ranpo, Fukazawa, Yosano, and Kunikida were left. Not surprised. Dazai would have left, but then he would lose the bet, not that there was a prize, but he still wanted to be at the Greatest Detective Ranpo.

The clock continued to click, Dazai getting happier the longer Kunikida stays focused on his own work, and Ranpo himself was getting worried he may lose a bet. His first loss ever. Against Dazai of all people. Never.

Then, startling all of them, the Agency door loudly opened, as the one and only Port Mafia Leader walked in. He walked around as if he owned the place, the others still to stunned to speak. Who.. No why would he even be here in the first place? This is literally his enemy's work area. He couldn't have been that stupid.. Is he?

Either way, Mori continued his way to Fukazawa's office, who opens the door and shut it, muttering voices coming from inside. Even Ranpo hadn't expected that. No one had. He didn't even say a word, just walking in like that. They'll just have to keep their eyes on him, at all costs this time.

"Dazai. Come see me in my office." Fukazawa says, startling them all out of their overthinking transes. Mori still in his office as well.

Dazai froze. No. He could not go into the same room Mori was currently in. Never. His leads moved before his brain could react though, and his leads always followed orders, walking up to Fukazawa and walking into the room.

"I have filed a law against Mori, you see. I know what happens to Yosano in the Mafia, and will use that to my advantage. I somehow do not know of your side of the situation though, and If you could tell me it it, I can also use it against Mori, and possibly even take down the entire Mafia. We couldn't do it before, as he had something we needed, but now that we have it back... We can try to take them all down at once." Fukazawa explained.

Well.. that wasn't what Dazai was expecting, but it's better then being yelled at like he had assumed. He nods to Fukazawa and sits down on the chair next to the one Mori was in, quickly explaining what Mori and the Mafia did to him.

It was mostly about some missions he had been forced to do, what would happen afterwards if he failed. The tests and experiments Mori did on him so he would become so strong nothing could take him down. How because of Mori, he can no longer be poisoned and knows how to do many medical things. Of course also the fact that he was abused by him, though Dazai kept that part short.

Fukazawa accepted what Dazai said, or vaguely mentioned and sent him on his way. Things would have stayed fine, he would have gone back to his desk and continued the bet with Ranpo, Wich he still had around twenty-five minutes left to do so. If only things could ever be easy on Dazai.

As soon as he stood up, Mori had grabbed onto his arm, pulling him towards himself, and harshly grabbing his hair with the other, yaking him towards his face. " I'll kill you. I'll kill you and I'll kill Chuuya and you'll never see the end of it. I swear... I will win... And I will kill you and your stupid little ADA friends will die with you!" Mori shouted directly into his ear, so unlike his normal calm demeanor.

Fukazawa, seeing the interaction, grabbed Moris hands and forced him to let go, a bruise clearly made on Dazai's arm from his insane grip on him, his hair disheveled from his other hand yanking him by it.

Dazai ran out of the room as soon as his dirty hands we off of him, sobbing as he stepped our of the room. So many things had happened in those few seconds. The room felt stuffy as all eyes turned on him, his breathing catching in his throat as he struggles to breath.

Mori cam walking out of the room, a smirk on his face as he passed Dazai, slamming the door shut behind him.

Dazai falls to the ground, struggling to breath, scared out of his mind all though the thoughts, what HE had said, scared him more then he thought it would.

Yosano, Kunikida and Ranpo were distraught, worried for Dazai as he bursted out of the room in tears. Fukazawa and Mori leaving soon after and Fukazawa shouts and yells at Mori about how wrong he was, and how he would never lay a hand on anyone again.

Lay a hand on anyone ever again. The other detectives stood shook while Ranpo quickly explained what he had deducted. "Mori grabbed Dazai and told him some... Pretty horrible stuff." Ranpo quickly explained, basically running toward Dazai who sat on the ground, struggling to breath still.

Yosano and Kunikida, finally letting Ranpo's words sink in and getting extremely worried also rush towards Dazai.

"Hey! Hey! Deep breaths Dazai please. He can't hurt you, he won't ever touch you again. You won't even have to see him okay? Just call down, take a deep breath." Yosano exclaimed, trying to calm Dazai down while slowing her breathing to get dazai to copy her.

Dazai struggled, but with Kunikida and Ranpo holding his shoulder and hand gently, and Yosano calming and muttering reassurances, he began to calm down more, the tears stopped and a that was left were some sniffles and ragged breathing.

Fukazawa rushes back inside after almost throwing Mori out through the window but instead pushed him outside of the Agency's doors. His present was grounding.

"I-I'm okay. Sorry about that. I... Didn't know I'd react like that.. sorry." Dazai whispered, clearly still shaky.

"Don't apologize.. it wasn't your fault. It's that horrible idiots fault. No need to apologize. Just calm down." Kunikida reassured.

If someone were to say the four of them left after that to get ice cream and some snacks, you'd be correct. If someone said that Ranpo gave Dazai the benefit of the doubt on the bet, you'd also be correct. Ranpo was never going to forget the huge smile that crossed his face after saying that he won the bet. Dazai may never forget or forgive what happens, not they they blame him, but now he has friends and people he can trust with anything. They were definitely a lot closer together then before. I guess that's a good thing.

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

We Didn't Even Say Goodbye, Just See You Later, Which Isn't Happening.

🩹 Dazai POV 🩹

(Kunizai angst)

September 8th, 10:47 PM

The phone receiver was clenched in my fist, pressed up to my ear, as several armed guards surrounded me. “How’s jail going for you, Dazai?”, the gruff voice on the other end of the phone asked. I sighed of tedium and weariness, my nail tapping against the plastic of the receiver. 

“It’s sooooooo boring, Kunikida, and so cramped as well, I can barely stretch”, I complained, hearing Kunikida groan at my words. “I suppose that’s your fault, isn’t it?”, Kunikida told me, sounding annoyed by my voice alone. 

“And the food is bland, the sheets are itchy, ugh, it sucks!”, I whined, running my free hand through my brunette locks. It had been sixteen long days since I’d called Kunikida, and how painfully my tainted heart ached for him and his aggressive yet gentle touch. 

“It’s a prison, Dazai, what did you expect?!”, Kunikida scolded me, I could practically hear his scowl. “I at least expected better quality from how fancy this thing is!”, I groaned, before I let out a chasmic breath. 

“At least the clothes are comfy” “you mean your prison uniform?” “yeah”, me and Kunikida went back and forth. It was nice to chat with him after so long, yet, I just wished he was sitting in front of me, in front of a glass pane, like how they did it in popular western films. 

I missed seeing him on a daily basis, it was utter torture just not being in front of him, looking into his celadon eyes, just zoning out into a somnific trance as he talked about everything, from how his coffee was too hot this morning, or how his favourite hair tie broke, and that he’d have to buy a packet of brand new ones. 

“So, what happened today at the agency?”, I asked, obviously mystified. “Well, there was a stray dog outside the office-“ “ew”, I interrupted Kunikida to put in my own opinion. “Don’t interrupt me you bastard-“ “hey, your time’s up”, a nearby guard nudged my shoulder with the end of his gun. 

I sighed, before I spoke into the receiver one last time. “I gotta go, Kunikida”, I huffed, hearing Kunikida sigh in disappointment on the other end of the line. “Ah, I see, well, I’ll see you later, then”, Kunikida spoke, before his line went blank. 

I got up from my seat, as one of the guards started covering up my vision with a thin piece of black fabric. The only thing I could think of in my head was Kunikida, knowing that I’d get to see him soon, very soon. 

October 19th, 9:52 AM

The golden rays of the sun shone through the gap in my curtains, down on my figure that was buried deep inside my futon. I was supposed to be at work, slacking off at the Detective Agency, but I couldn’t even bring myself to get up. 

My eyelids didn’t even flutter, I just laid there, motionless, not even thinking of an anything. I stared at my door, waiting, for anything. I remembered when I used to sleep in, and Kunikida would make his way down to my apartment, and pound on the door till I woke up. 

That wasn’t going to happen anymore. I turned over, looking up at the ceiling. Moments like this made me remember that the world is just as terrible as it’s always been. A ringing sound echoed in my ears, from the silence, I just stared, and stared, until—

My phone rang. I groaned, the loud sound made ripples of pain crash down in my skull. I grabbed my phone, looking at who on earth was even bothering to call me. Atsushi. I cringed, before I set my phone aside. He’d probably ask where I was, what I was doing, why I wasn’t at the goddamn ADA. 

I hid myself deep inside my futon, curling into a ball. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, no, not anymore. I’d have to say goodbye after the phone call as well, not see you later, I didn’t want to say that, I didn’t want to see anyone. 

Sixteen long days, turned into one long, gruelling month. The sound of Kunikida’s voice had faded from my skull, I didn’t remember what he even sounded like, I could remember, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen to any voicemail he left me before— ugh. 

The ringing of my phone had stopped, but nothing in my head would stop. The world was always grey and sallow to me, but when Kunikida was around, it seemed more colourful, more brazen. I sighed, before I grabbed my phone. 

I dialled Kunikida’s number, something I memorized from always wanting to annoy him. I heard my phone buzz, waiting for a call, knowing that it would go to an empty call, but I didn’t care, I couldn’t care. 

Soon, Kunikida’s voice echoed into my ear, yet, I knew he wasn’t talking to me. “This is Kunikida, I apologize if I’m busy at the moment, I’ll get back to you”. A beep rang into my ears, sending piercing waves of pain into my skull. 

I didn’t know what to say. “Hey… it’s Dazai, I… I just wanted to say that I miss you, and nothing feels the same anymore—“. I stopped. My head felt like it was spinning. I dropped my phone onto the ground, just staring up at the ceiling. 

I didn’t have the chance to tell Kunikida all of that, now I was just saying it to my phone, as if he’d answer later. I felt my eyes grow lachrymose, as salty tears clung to my lash-line. I let out a shaky breath, before I let my tears fall. 

Why did this even hurt so much? Me and Kunikida weren’t even official, we were never officially boyfriends, we were only friends with benefits. I’d always considered him a boyfriend, yet I’d always dream of us standing at the alter one day. 

I wondered if Kunikida thought of me while he was on his deathbed, I wondered if he wished he could’ve said the same sentences to me. I struggled to hold back sobs, as I cried into the sleeve of my half unbuttoned shirt. 

I looked out the window from the gap in my curtains, at the street. There was no solution to my pain, like a math equation, one that Kunikida could certainly solve. 

He’d solve my problems. 

A/N: thank you so much for reading!! this sadly isn't as good as the last post, but thats okay, I wrote this in a bit of a rush. I'll try to upload some better stuff next time <33

[darkleysgarden]

Taking Care Of You

This is the last bsd fic I have to upload. Only putting BSD Total Drama and Obey Me on here as they're my main fandoms. I hardly have any other fics up on my main account.

Bsd, Kunikidazai.

5 + 1

Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

1.4k words

Warnings: injury, scars, depression

1:

Kunikida woke up exactly on time as usual.

Dazai was curled up against him, clinging tighter than usual.

He sighed. It would be more difficult than usual to get up.

Dazai began to shiver, and his face scrunched up.

Kunikida looked at him with worry. Was he having a nightmare again?

He placed a hand on Dazai's cheek in hopes of soothing him.

At the contact, Dazai whimpered, and Kunikida noriced the heat radiating off of the man.

He moved his hand to Dazai's forehead and sighed deeply.

A fever.

Yesterday, Dazai had jumped into a river yet again, except this time it was in the pouring rain.

Obviously, Dazai had a cold now because of it.

Kunikida tried to get up to get a cool rag to place on Dazai's forehead, yet Dazai clung harder to him in his sleep.

He sat up and gently moved Dazai to his lap and began to stroke his hair.

Dazai's eyes opened blearily.

"W-what?" He asked, voice hoarse.

"You have a fever, Osamu," Kunikida explained.

"Fucking hell," Dazai groaned. "It should've killed me in my sleep."

Kunikida flicked him on the forehead.

"Ow!" He shouted. "What was that for!?"

"Don't talk like that."

Dazai scoffed. "Fine."

Kunikida ran his hands through Dazai's hair and scratched gently.

Dazai whimpered lightly and leaned against his hand.

"I hate being sick," Dazai admitted.

Kunikida hummed.

"I'm glad you're here," Dazai mumbles.

"Of course."

2:

Dazai was in another one of his slumps.

He refused to get out of bed, shower, eat, anything.

It had Kunikida worried to no ends.

Whenever he tried to get Dazai up, he just sighed and tucked himself deeper under the covers.

He would try again today.

Kunikida walked over to Dazai's futon and crouched beside it.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Awful," Dazai whines. "My hair feels disgusting."

"You need to wash it."

"I'm too tired," Dazai admitted, somewhat embarrassed. "I don't think I could lift my hands for that long."

"Would you like me to wash it for you?" Kunikida asks with a smile.

"Would you?"

"Yes."

Dazai slowly sat up, then slumped against Doppo.

"Carry me," Dazai asked, making his best puppy dog eyes.

Doppo sighed and picked his boyfriend up.

He brought him into the bathroom and helped him undress.

Dazai unwrapped his own bandages then sat in the bathtub.

Kunikida filled the tub with water and added soap to make it a bubble bath.

Dazai always liked it that way.

Dazai leaned against the edge of the tub as Kunikida sat behind him.

Kunikida grabbed a small plastic cup and filled it with the bath water.

He placed a hand over Dazai's eyes and gently poured the water over his hair to dampen it.

At first, Dazai's shoulders were tense, but at the contact of water against his scalp he released that tension and relaxed.

Kunikida grabbed his shampoo (and the one Dazai steals, as he never buys his own) and squirted a small amount onto his hand.

He started massaging the shampoo into Dazai's hair. Dazai sighed in content at the feeling. He was almost melting at the contact.

"Close your eyes," He directed, placing his hand over his eyes once again.

He rinsed out the shampoo and began to rub in the conditioner.

"I love you, Doppo."

"I love you too, Osamu."

3:

"Ow, fuck!" Dazai yelled a couple feet away from him.

Kunikida wiped his head over to see Dazai with a stab wound in his stomach with the criminal in front of him.

"That hurt!"

Kunikida sighed at Dazai's reaction and ran over.

Although he was playing it off in a comedic manor, Dazai would not say something unless he was genuinely hurt.

The criminal then began to run off as Dazai slowly collapsed onto the floor.

He looked between his partner and the criminal with anxiousness spreading through his body.

With a groan, he rushed to Dazai's side.

Dazai was breathing heavily, breath gasping.

"Did it hit anywhere?" Kunikida asked calmly as he grabbed Dazai's hands to help stabilize him.

"Lung," Dazai wheezed out.

Kunikida put pressure on the wound and moved Dazai to lean his weight onto him.

"I'm calling Yosano," He said as he pulled out his phone.

While Yosano's ability didn't work on Osamu, she had way more experience and knowledge on medical stuff than Kunikida did.

Dazai placed a hand over Kunikida's against the wound.

His face was unshowing of emotions to most, but Kunikida knew Dazai. He was in pain. Yet, he wouldn't show it.

"It hurts," Dazai breathes.

"Don't talk. It'll just hurt you more."

Dazai's head lulled slightly against his chest.

"I can't have you falling asleep on me."

Dazai nodded his head ever so slightly.

"Yosano is almost here."

4:

Kunikida woke up in the middle of the night to Dazai crawling out of bed.

He laid there, waiting for Osamu to get back before he fell asleep.

Yet, Dazai wasn't back after a few minutes.

He sighed and got out of bed.

Softly, he pushed open the door of the bathroom to reveal Dazai clutching his stomach on the floor next to the toilet as he dry heaved.

Kunikida sat next to him and pulled him into a hug from behind.

He wrapped his arms under Dazai's and up to hold his hair out of his face.

Dazai let out a high whine.

"Do you know what led to this?"

"Nightmare."

How bad did it have to be treated him like this? Did he want to know? Would Osamu be willing to tell him?

"I'm so tired," Dazai mumbled.

"I know," Kunikida whispered back. "I am so sorry."

He kissed Dazai's temple.

Dazai leaned his head against Kunikida's, cheeks pressed together.

"Your face is cool... it's nice."

5:

"Mr. Kunikida, Mr. Dazai is sleeping on the job again-"

"Let him."

Atsushi's face showed utter disbelief. "Let him... sleep on the job? Are you feeling alright? Normally you get super angry when Dazai sleeps on the job."

"That's because he's normally sleeping for fun," He sighed. "Yet, he was unable to sleep last night."

Atsushi looked confused, yet didn't question it.

Kunikida stood up from his desk and made his way over to the couch Dazai was sleeping on.

His face was twisted in distress and he was curled in on himself.

He rested his hand on Dazai's cheek in an attempt to help him relax. Dazai leaned in against the contact.

Kunikida grabbed a small blanket and rested it over Dazai's sleeping form.

Last night, Dazai was kept up with horrible nightmares. He was left screaming and having panic attacks. It was probably the worst Kunikida had ever seen him.

Though he didn't seem to be having the best sleep ever, he could only hope that this nap would help him recover from the night before. Even if only a little bit.

+1:

Dazai watched as Kunikida struggled at his desk.

Paper after paper, every single one added another stress line to his face.

He chewed the end of his pencil, weighing his options.

When Kunikida set down his own pencil to massage his hand, that's when Dazai decided to do something.

"Hey, Doppo," He said as he walked over to his desk.

"Yes?" Kunikida asked with a yawn.

"I think it's time we head home," He sighed. "You're stressed out."

"I have stuff to do. If I don't get it done then-"

"Then nothing will happen. It's fine. Work ended an hour ago. Let's go home, you need the rest."

Kunikid grimaced for a moment before standing.

"Alright."

They eventually made their way back to Kunikida's apartment.

Though, at this point, it was more both of theirs.

Dazai stayed over so much because of his mental health that he just ended up a permanent member.

Kunikida and Dazai both changed into soft clothes and sat down on Kunikida's bed.

Dazai reached over to massage his shoulders. Kunikida sighed in relief as the tension drained.

Dazai grabbed Kunikida by his shoulders and pulled him down to lay beside him. He then crawled on top of him and curled around him like a koala.

Kunikida wrapped his arms around Dazai and buried his face against Dazai's hair.

Cuddling like this always helped Kunikida sleep. And this time was no different.

He fell asleep quickly and Dazai smiled at his success.

Kunikida always took care of him, and he was happy to return the favor.