#☆ fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu ~ ♥︎

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

We Didn't Even Say Goodbye, Just See You Later, Which Isn't Happening.

🩹 Dazai POV 🩹

(Kunizai angst)

September 8th, 10:47 PM

The phone receiver was clenched in my fist, pressed up to my ear, as several armed guards surrounded me. “How’s jail going for you, Dazai?”, the gruff voice on the other end of the phone asked. I sighed of tedium and weariness, my nail tapping against the plastic of the receiver. 

“It’s sooooooo boring, Kunikida, and so cramped as well, I can barely stretch”, I complained, hearing Kunikida groan at my words. “I suppose that’s your fault, isn’t it?”, Kunikida told me, sounding annoyed by my voice alone. 

“And the food is bland, the sheets are itchy, ugh, it sucks!”, I whined, running my free hand through my brunette locks. It had been sixteen long days since I’d called Kunikida, and how painfully my tainted heart ached for him and his aggressive yet gentle touch. 

“It’s a prison, Dazai, what did you expect?!”, Kunikida scolded me, I could practically hear his scowl. “I at least expected better quality from how fancy this thing is!”, I groaned, before I let out a chasmic breath. 

“At least the clothes are comfy” “you mean your prison uniform?” “yeah”, me and Kunikida went back and forth. It was nice to chat with him after so long, yet, I just wished he was sitting in front of me, in front of a glass pane, like how they did it in popular western films. 

I missed seeing him on a daily basis, it was utter torture just not being in front of him, looking into his celadon eyes, just zoning out into a somnific trance as he talked about everything, from how his coffee was too hot this morning, or how his favourite hair tie broke, and that he’d have to buy a packet of brand new ones. 

“So, what happened today at the agency?”, I asked, obviously mystified. “Well, there was a stray dog outside the office-“ “ew”, I interrupted Kunikida to put in my own opinion. “Don’t interrupt me you bastard-“ “hey, your time’s up”, a nearby guard nudged my shoulder with the end of his gun. 

I sighed, before I spoke into the receiver one last time. “I gotta go, Kunikida”, I huffed, hearing Kunikida sigh in disappointment on the other end of the line. “Ah, I see, well, I’ll see you later, then”, Kunikida spoke, before his line went blank. 

I got up from my seat, as one of the guards started covering up my vision with a thin piece of black fabric. The only thing I could think of in my head was Kunikida, knowing that I’d get to see him soon, very soon. 

October 19th, 9:52 AM

The golden rays of the sun shone through the gap in my curtains, down on my figure that was buried deep inside my futon. I was supposed to be at work, slacking off at the Detective Agency, but I couldn’t even bring myself to get up. 

My eyelids didn’t even flutter, I just laid there, motionless, not even thinking of an anything. I stared at my door, waiting, for anything. I remembered when I used to sleep in, and Kunikida would make his way down to my apartment, and pound on the door till I woke up. 

That wasn’t going to happen anymore. I turned over, looking up at the ceiling. Moments like this made me remember that the world is just as terrible as it’s always been. A ringing sound echoed in my ears, from the silence, I just stared, and stared, until—

My phone rang. I groaned, the loud sound made ripples of pain crash down in my skull. I grabbed my phone, looking at who on earth was even bothering to call me. Atsushi. I cringed, before I set my phone aside. He’d probably ask where I was, what I was doing, why I wasn’t at the goddamn ADA. 

I hid myself deep inside my futon, curling into a ball. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, no, not anymore. I’d have to say goodbye after the phone call as well, not see you later, I didn’t want to say that, I didn’t want to see anyone. 

Sixteen long days, turned into one long, gruelling month. The sound of Kunikida’s voice had faded from my skull, I didn’t remember what he even sounded like, I could remember, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen to any voicemail he left me before— ugh. 

The ringing of my phone had stopped, but nothing in my head would stop. The world was always grey and sallow to me, but when Kunikida was around, it seemed more colourful, more brazen. I sighed, before I grabbed my phone. 

I dialled Kunikida’s number, something I memorized from always wanting to annoy him. I heard my phone buzz, waiting for a call, knowing that it would go to an empty call, but I didn’t care, I couldn’t care. 

Soon, Kunikida’s voice echoed into my ear, yet, I knew he wasn’t talking to me. “This is Kunikida, I apologize if I’m busy at the moment, I’ll get back to you”. A beep rang into my ears, sending piercing waves of pain into my skull. 

I didn’t know what to say. “Hey… it’s Dazai, I… I just wanted to say that I miss you, and nothing feels the same anymore—“. I stopped. My head felt like it was spinning. I dropped my phone onto the ground, just staring up at the ceiling. 

I didn’t have the chance to tell Kunikida all of that, now I was just saying it to my phone, as if he’d answer later. I felt my eyes grow lachrymose, as salty tears clung to my lash-line. I let out a shaky breath, before I let my tears fall. 

Why did this even hurt so much? Me and Kunikida weren’t even official, we were never officially boyfriends, we were only friends with benefits. I’d always considered him a boyfriend, yet I’d always dream of us standing at the alter one day. 

I wondered if Kunikida thought of me while he was on his deathbed, I wondered if he wished he could’ve said the same sentences to me. I struggled to hold back sobs, as I cried into the sleeve of my half unbuttoned shirt. 

I looked out the window from the gap in my curtains, at the street. There was no solution to my pain, like a math equation, one that Kunikida could certainly solve. 

He’d solve my problems. 

A/N: thank you so much for reading!! this sadly isn't as good as the last post, but thats okay, I wrote this in a bit of a rush. I'll try to upload some better stuff next time <33

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

My Sun and Stars, What Do The Cosmos Look Like?

🩹 Dazai POV 🩹

Kunizai angst

Green. 

The color green represents harmony. Something that Kunikida harvested all too well. I’ve always liked the color green, it reminded me of Kunikida, something that made me often smile to myself. I haven’t smiled in two weeks. 

The agency office was empty, and it was dark. The sun was setting on the horizon of the ocean, yet I hadn’t left yet. My slim fingers drummed against Kunikida’s desk, which was the one I sat at. 

His ideal book was placed in front of me, the golden sunlight pouring in through the window highlighted the green of his notebook. I liked that shade of green, more than I really should, however I didn’t consider it my favorite color. 

My favorite color is a different shade of green, a more grayish shade of green, the color of Kunikida’s eyes. Like a dark forest, it seemed to house many secrets that could be uncovered if you simply ran through it deep enough. 

I’ve never been one to cry, yet every night since Kunikida’s death, I’ve been silently letting tears fall down my cheeks as I go to sleep. It’s always been hard to get up in the morning, especially since my habit of drinking always left me hungover, yet I haven’t had enough energy to drink, I could barely sleep. 

And every time I slept, I’d sleep till 7pm, or even later, no matter what time I went to bed. I just gazed down at Kunikida’s ideal book, silent tears slipping down my cheeks. 

Kunikida’s always been like my sun and stars, from the day I met him, I knew I was in love. He made my heart pound like no other woman had before, he was aggressive, yet so gentle, like a swan. 

His lips were always so soft, he said chapstick was something ideal for him, it made his lips taste like vanilla, that’s why I love vanilla, well, loved vanilla. The sun continued to set, the golden glow slowly fading away into an orange color. 

My tears fell onto Kunikida’s notebook. Why does the world take away everything I love? Everything I desire? Everything I never want to lose is always lost. Before I knew it, a sharp pain echoed through my fist. 

I looked down, I didn’t even realized I’d stood up, yet there was a fist sized crater in Kunikida’s desk. I looked at my fist, wincing in pain. There were a few splinters, and blood. I let out a half sigh, half sob as I fell to my knees on the shiny floor of the ADA’s building. 

The sallow light shone down on my lanky and tall figure. As tears endlessly flowed down my cheeks like a river, the thought of Kunikida being gone plagued my already fragile mind. He’s in the stars now, I wonder if one day, preferably soon, he’d show me around the constellations, and our souls could endlessly dance together through the universe, until time itself stops. 

A/N: PLEASE LET KUNIKIDA LIVE HIM AND DAZAI NEED TO GET MARRIED. I also found out Kunikida died at the airport, coincidence? yeah probably

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

Your Secrets Are Deafening

(Kunikida x Dazai angst)

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS: suicide, descriptions of violence.

🩹 Dazai POV 🩹

Death. 

The marching of time that lead us towards an inevitable death. It was speeding up for me, going faster than ever before. I had the date circled on the calendar in my kitchen, in crimson red marker. I stared at it, with a glass of amber whiskey in my glass. “Dazai! Are you even listening?!”, a voice boomed. 

I whipped my head around. Kunikida. It wouldn’t hurt to have one last drink with him before I finally committed what I sought most, right? “Ah, my apologies Kunikida”, I responded as Kunikida scowled at me. 

“Yeah, yeah, but can you at least try and be at least a bit interested in the conversation at hand?”, Kunikida scoffed. He was currently leaning against the kitchen countertop, slowly sipping his own glass of whiskey. Kunikida was always exceptionally precise with how much liquor he consumed. 

“I suppose I can”, I chuckled, before I strode over next to Kunikida, leaning against the countertop with him. “I’ll never understand how alcoholics drink stuff like this everyday”, Kunikida spoke to me, lifting up his glass of whiskey and gesturing to it, the oddly refined ice cube clinking against the glass of the drink. 

“It burns”, Kunikida added. My tongue darted out of my mouth, to wet my lips, an awfully bad habit I had, before I took another swig of the whiskey in my glass. “Eh, it’s extremely refined, that’s why”, I corrected Kunikida. Kunikida hummed in response, as he stared down at his drink. 

I knew that he scarcely drank, which made him a light-weight. “What’s that circled spot on your calendar, Dazai?”, Kunikida queried, gesturing to the big circle that I’d traced onto todays date in permanent red marker. I’d also ripped off the remaining months from my calendar, not like I’d need them anymore. 

“Ah, something important is happening tonight”, I said to Kunikida. I saw his expression contort into one of dubiety. “You’re being quite vague”, Kunikida commented, seeming worried. The ribbon around his neck that he wore like a tie was missing, it made him feel uncanny of sorts. 

“Is… everything okay, Dazai?”, Kunikida’s eyes were filled with crestfallen confusion, making my heart ache. I wished I didn’t have to hurt him like this, but I’m feeling selfish tonight, so why bother? 

“Yeah, I’m just kind of tired tonight”, I made up a cheap excuse, one that I knew wouldn’t hold. It was like putting a piece of scotch tape on a crack in a dam to fix it. “Bullshit…”, Kunikida whispered, before I felt his hand wrap around the rather sinuous curve of my waist. 

“Are you sure? You’ve been acting more weird lately”, Kunikida’s voice was strangely equanimous and calm, making me feel guilty. “Kunikida! I’m fine, gosh, you worry too much”, I let out a dry chuckle. To think, after tonight, I’d never see Kunikida again, it hurt much more than I expected. 

Kunikida let out a chasmic sigh. “I know…”, he deadpanned. “But you’re acting-“ “I said I’m fine…”, I interrupted Kunikida’s line of speech. He looked surprised. His green eyes were wide, full of a mixing pool of emotions. 

“Okay, I’ll knock it off”, Kunikida scoffed, before he raised his glass to his lips, taking a sharp sip. “Perhaps I should leave”, Kunikida suggested. I wanted to cry. I despised the fact that my own selfishness was hurting Kunikida. 

Kunikida set his glass of booze down on the counter, and was about to turn away, before my lithe and slender hand found perch on his broad shoulder. “Hang on a moment”, I gripped his shoulder, before I pulled him against me, so my chest was pushed up against his. 

“You forgot to kiss me goodbye”, I reminded Kunikida. Kunikida’s cheeks bloomed with color, a saccharine, rosy pink. “Fine…”, Kunikida huffed, before he slightly leaned down, as my lips met his. I tasted whiskey, the bitter taste made me lean into the kiss more. 

Just one more kiss…

Kunikida left that night, knowing that he’d probably have to come back in the morning, and awake Dazai from a drunken sleep. And he did just that. And what he found in Dazai’s home broke him. The 3rd blade of Dazai’s ceiling fan was bending, probably because it was trying to support the weight of a corpse. Drool dribbled down Dazai’s chin. And those eyes, once so full of life, harbored emptiness. Kunikida didn’t know what to think. Dazai’s face held apathy, and his corpse was swaying. A stool was on the ground next to his body, what he must’ve used to hang himself. Kunikida felt tears brim in his eyes, as he suppressed the urge to vomit. Kunikida felt an ache in his throat, a swelling pain. He heard someone screaming in the distance. It took him coughing up blood that the screaming voice he heard, was his own. 

A/N: this is another ao3 crosspost, because Im lazy. I don't really like this, but still. thanks for reading <3

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

His Lips Taste Like Cherry Maraschino on a Summer’s Twilight

🩹 Dazai POV 🩹

Light suggestive??

The beach. 

A central place for adults and children alike to go and get terribly sunburnt. I’ve never been a big fan of the beach, I hated showing off my body to every single person there, such an uncomfortable feeling. 

However, when sunset fell, and people started to leave, that was the prime time to arrive. 

“The sunset looks good, doesn’t it?”, I ask, looking at the red head next to me. “Well, it’s okay, I dunno why you wanted to come out here so bad”, Chuuya grumbled, looking out into the horizon of the ocean, as colours of blue faded into orange and pink, creating an ombré only the luckiest would be able to see. 

“Well it’s pretty, am I not allowed to take my gorgeous boyfriend out here?”, I say, before I poke Chuuya in the side, making him flinch and lean away from me. “Don’t start trying to charm me now”, Chuuya rolls his eyes, as I snicker. 

The two of us were sitting on the sand of the beach, both our t-shirts lingering behind in Chuuya’s car, I felt kind of nervous taking it off, but I had to do this right. “Say Chuuya, I think we could use a swim”, I say, looking into Chuuya’s eyes, the shimmering blue reminded me of candy. 

“No, I washed my hair today, I’m not getting it wet with salty ocean water”, Chuuya scoffed, as if I asked him to put his newborn baby in a meat grinder. I release a chasmic sigh, before I stand up, looking down at Chuuya. 

“Whatever”, I say, looking as Chuuya let his guard down again, before I reached down, ceasing Chuuya’s wrist and dragging him towards the water, that was reflecting the pulchritudinous sight of the sunset. 

“Hey! Goddammit mackerel! Let me g-“, I cut Chuuya off by pushing him into the water, giggling as I see him emerge from the water, his hair soaking wet. “Bastard”, Chuuya grumbled, before he snagged my hand, pulling me in with him, making me shriek dramatically. 

I gasp as I lift my head from the water, shaking the water from my hair as I look at Chuuya cackling. “Okay fine, you win”, I say, before I rise, looking forward at the sunset. I then look at Chuuya, feeling my heart start to pound. 

His hair was wet and dripping, his hair matched the sunset, as it shimmered. Chuuya pushed the hair from his face, before his eyes met mine, the deep blue was like a vast ocean, and his pupils a hurricane, threatening to suck me in. 

“Osamu? What’re you looking at, dammit?”, Chuuya raised an eyebrow, with his hands on his hips. “Just admiring your beauty…”, I say, before I move towards him, the water sloshed around my legs, before Chuuya’s eyes widened when my thin and dexterous hands traced around the sinuous curve of his semi snatched waist. 

“What beauty-“, once again, I cut Chuuya off, by barely leaning down, to kiss him. The taste of cherry maraschino and sea salt mixed, his lips have always had that taste to them, the taste that left behind a sweet aftertaste, that left you begging for more. 

Chuuya looked surprised, before soon, he sank into the kiss, melting like a popsicle that’s been left in the summer sun for too long. A soft groan left his lips, kisses always seems to be the key to his heart. 

I broke the kiss a few times to take a sharp breath, before leaning right back into it. Eventually, he pulled away, laughing softly. “Okay okay, relax, save it for later”, Chuuya smiled, he’s always had the sweetest smile, the one that made his face glow like a beacon. 

“Okay fine”, I say, still holding onto him, before I press one last kiss to his cheek, watching him leer, he was grinning like he’d just received the worlds greatest compliment, I loved when he smiled like that. 

And for a moment, we just stared into each others eyes, it couldn’t have been more than 3 seconds, but time seemed to slow. I swore I could see hearts dancing in the pools of ocean blue that I was staring into, with that stupid smile on my face. 

A/N: ao3 cross post!! I hope you guys enjoyed <3 this wasn't proofread so if there's any mistakes then oops. but anyways, likes are always appreciated and tysm<33333

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

Your Eyes Remind Me of a Sad Flower On A Dewy Day

💧 Giyuu POV 💧

(Sanegiyuu!!)

(Little TW for implied depression!!)

Rest. 

No matter how much I got, I was still fatigued. Life felt like such a blur, I couldn’t remember anything from the day before. I couldn’t remember what time I fell asleep, what time I woke up, when was the last time I’d bathed, when was the last time I ate something, or drank water. 

I was laying in my futon, facing away from the shut door. My hair was a mess, free from its usual ponytail. I didn’t know what was bothering me, everything just felt atrocious to live through. Especially when you had to see innocent people get murdered in front of your eyes, every single mission. 

I could hear the birds chirping outside, as I took a chasmic breath. I turned onto my back, looking up at the ceiling. What time was it again? I couldn’t remember. I hadn’t moved from my bedroom in the past few days, I couldn’t at all think of the exact amount. 

My weary eyes just stared up at the ceiling, so much so that I didn’t notice the shadow standing at the door, before, it slid open. Sunlight poured into the room, the golden-white beams hitting me like a load of rocks. I winced a bit, covering my eyes with my arm. 

“Tomioka”, I heard a gruff voice say. I looked towards the door, before I laid my eyes upon the tall figure of Sanemi. What on earth was he doing here? “I’m not in the mood for sparing today”, I mumbled, turning over again, so I was facing away from him. 

“That… ugh, that’s not what I’m here for”, Sanemi scoffed, before I heard the small patter of footsteps stride towards me. “I just wanted to bring something for you”. The phrase shocked me, giving me enough energy to sit up in my futon, before I noticed what Sanemi was holding in his hand, a bowl. 

“What’s that?”, I asked, the smell was recognizable, before, it clicked. “Salmon daikon, I just… I just thought you might enjoy some”, Sanemi’s words weren’t as aggressive, not at all, his tone was more like a blank slate, yet, it held an idyllic and gentle ring to it. 

I felt surprised when Sanemi placed the bowl on the ground, before he sat down next to me. “Oh… uhm, thank you”, I thanked him, before I brought the bowl into my lap. There was a pair of chopsticks in the bowl, that I picked up, the smooth wood was a nostalgic feeling against my finger tips. 

I lifted a piece of salmon from the bowl, and into my mouth, savouring the slightly sweet flavour. “Mhm… it’s good…”, I said, looking over at Sanemi, who was watching me intently. “Yeah, I’d imagine it is” “do you want a bite?”, I asked, picking up another piece of the salmon. 

Sanemi paused, eyeing the salmon. “Yeah, sure”, Sanemi said, before I lifted the piece of salmon to his mouth. “Aye! Don’t feed it to me! I’m not a child!” “Just eat it”. Sanemi scoffed, seeming to swallow his pride, before he opened his mouth. I fed him the piece of salmon, feeling my heart flutter as I did so. 

Sanemi chewed the salmon, seeing how my eyes were on me. “Why’re looking at me?”, Sanemi called me out, making me feel a bit surprised. “Oh, I just wanted to see if you also liked the salmon”. He seemed to buy my excuse. 

Sanemi’s pale purple eyes were on me, as we watched me eat. “You look happy”, Sanemi commented, almost airily. “I am, that’s why”, I mumbled, as I continued to eat the daikon. For maybe the first time, I felt genuinely happy in Sanemi’s presence. I looked over at Sanemi, seeing as his cheeks bloomed with a faint pink colour. 

“You want another bite?”, I asked him, feeling softer next to him. “No thanks, I made it for you, not me”, Sanemi said, before he processed what he had spoken. “You… made this for me?”, I repeated, feeling my heart pound. A warmth spread throughout my body, one I haven’t felt before. 

“Yeah, I did, I was just… a bit worried”, Sanemi admitted with a gentle expression. I gripped the chopsticks, feeling my cheeks grow hot as I pursed my lips. “I appreciate that”, I let him know, before I felt my lips curl into a small smile. 

I heard Sanemi’s breath hitch, before his hand came up to my hair. “You should take a nap, you look tired”, Sanemi spoke, as I sighed from contentment when he ran his fingers through my messily, raven locks, almost combing them out. 

“I will, don’t worry”, I said, before Sanemi pulled his hand away, and standing up from the floor. “I need to go, Kocho said she wants to see me”, Sanemi informed me, before… he smiled, almost awkwardly. “Take care of yourself, m’kay?”, he said, before walking out my door, leaving it open, to let some sunlight into the room. 

“Yeah…”, my whisper was delayed, before I looked down at the bowl of salmon daikon. I felt a tear slip down my cheek, not one of sadness, but a rare feeling of happiness. Sanemi cared, and he expressed it, this is what falling in love feels like, isn’t it?

And that night, Sanemi came back, to find Giyu fast asleep, he looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. The bowl that was once filled with salmon daikon was now empty, which made Sanemi feel his stomach flip. And he just couldn’t help himself, Sanemi pressed his index and middle finger to his lips, before he touched those fingers to Giyu’s cheek. One day, he’d be able to kiss Giyu, but for now, that would do, right? 

A/N: Whos gonna be my Sanemi? I genuinely love this ship, they're so cute AHHHHHHH, anyways, I hope you enjoyed!! <3

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

Air Cold Like Ice, Yet a Heart Warm like Inferno

Hockey player!Akutagawa x Ice skater!Atsushi

🌷 Akutagawa POV 🌷

Push, and glide, push, and glide. 

That’s how I had learned to ice skate, and that’s also how I had learned to play hockey. I’d never had any real distractions while playing, I’d say I’m quite good at it, I mean, it was obvious, I hadn’t become team captain for nothing. Yet, today told a different story. 

My team was training for an upcoming game, the sounds of yelling filled the once tranquil ice rink. I had once again scored a goal, the boys on my team were surrounding me, asking what advice I had on their movements, how they scored, everything that fell under that umbrella. How absolutely paltry.

They grew up to be sheep in my world, not like I really cared, they were good guys to spend my free time with. I let out a chasmic sigh, my warm breath colliding with the cold air of the ice rink, making my breath quite visible. My attention span was shallow today, and as one of my team members was rambling to me about… something, my eyes were drifting elsewhere, darting around the rest of the rink. 

As I was about to turn back to my team member, something, no… someone, caught my attention. Ashen hair that was chopped into a sloppy yet seemingly fitting haircut, eyes that took on a shade of purple and yellow, had entered the ring. I knew him, yet only by name, Atsushi Nakajima, was it? He was a figure skater who came here often, mostly with a pack of other ice skaters. 

My gaze lingered on him, seemingly… for much longer than I intended, he seemed to follow the same technique I follow when it comes to skating, push, and glide. I keep my eyes focused on Atsushi, he looked so graceful while skating, like a white swan. It was beautiful, majestic, pulchritudinous even. It had my cheeks feeling warm, even though the air around was ice cold. 

I grip the hockey stick that I had completely forgotten was in my right hand, how was this boy being so… ethereal? The way my heart was pounding felt like a sky of exploding stars, every emotion running through my nerves felt like a supernova. I was enthralled, it felt like my pupils had shifted into hearts. 

Suddenly, purple and yellow eyes met mine in a gaze that almost made me slip, yet I somehow managed to keep my balance. Atsushi made eye contact, and he… smiled. His canine teeth were sharp, and looked like fangs, I felt the aloof and cold burier I always put up over myself melt away. I clamped down my own teeth on my lower lip, before suddenly… “Ryuunosuke, what the fuck are you doing?”, the team member I had been talking to suddenly called out to me. 

I was snapped out of the trance I was in, turning back to face said team member. “Sorry, I was… zoning out”, I murmur, making up a foolish excuse on the spot. The team member sighed, glaring at me. “Whatever”, he scoffed, before joining the rest of the team I was supposed to be monitoring. My mind rushed back to the eye contact I had held with Atsushi, maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to do that again, sooner or later. 

A/N: yet another reupload from my AO3, yet I hope you enjoyed!! thanks for reading!! likes and comments are always appreciated <33

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

A Flower for each Time you Cross my Mind

Biker Akutagawa x Florist Atsushi!! Akutagawa POV btw!! this is very OOC but I love this trope sm :)

My gloved hands grip the handle bars of my motorcycle, as I ride through the streets of Yokohama. The sun was setting, the beautiful colors of pink and orange paint the sky. I adjust my sunglasses, I should really be on my way home, but, there’s one more place I want to stop first. I turn the left corner of the street, and park my motorcycle in front of a small flower shop. 

I step off my bike, taking a deep breath as my eyes flicker to the sign on the door, open, thank God. I approach the door, but not before peering in through the window, my breath hitching in my throat, hair like snow, a voice that reminds me of honey, a presence that makes all form of self-hatred and misery fade from my soul, and a little fang toothed smile. 

Atsushi Nakajima, a florist that I had accidentally fallen head over heels for, I straighten up my jacket, trying to look presentable for him, after all, who wouldn’t want to look appealing towards him? Only a fool, perhaps. I twist the golden door knob, the small ring of the bell signalling that I had entered the shop. Atsushi turns to me, bright purple and yellow eyes meeting mine in a gentle gaze. 

That smile crosses Atsushi’s lips, the same one that gives me butterflies every time I lay eyes on it. “Ryuunosuke! It’s so nice to see you!”, Atsushi beams at me, my cheeks go red, I love it when he utters my name, a name that doesn’t deserve to be uttered, but, he makes my name sound so special, so wanted. 

“It’s nice to see you too…”, I mumble, before striding over to him, I was a little taller then him, by around an inch or so. “What are you doing here so late? I’d think you’d be home by now”, Atsushi queried, the brown fabric of his sweater was bathed in the golden sunlight, as he leaned against the black granite of the store counter top. 

“Oh, I just wanted to stop by to see you”, I murmur, it was true, I should be home by now, Gin was probably blowing up my phone, but I’ll get back to her later, all I wanted to focus on, was Atsushi, who I had been so eager to see all day, it was hard to focus since I was only thinking about him. “Really?”, Atsushi answered, his own cheeks gaining a red glow, before he chuckled awkwardly, which made my heart pound. 

“Yeah”, I say, before, I too smile softly, my slim hand snakes up to his cheek, caressing the supple skin, I couldn’t believe what on Earth I was doing, it was like the sun and the moon, a golden retriever and a black cat. A sudden rush of courage wafts through me, as I lean down, pressing my lips against Atsushi’s, making his eyes widen. 

Something I wasn’t expecting Atsushi to do, was lean in, his eyes becoming half lidded, his lips were soft and lissom, the sun continued to set, only making the scene more romantic. After holding the kiss for a good few seconds, I pull away, my breathing as soft, as I look at Atsushi, my eyes and soul were filled with love and adoration. 

“U-Um… I need to go…”, Atsushi murmured, a timid smile on his lips. “Thanks for that, Ryuunosuke”, Atsushi smiles,”Anytime… I’ll be back tomorrow”, I say, watching as Atsushi steps behind the counter,”Fine with me, I’ll see you tomorrow!”, Atsushi speaks calmly, before I walk out the door, blushing insanely. 

That was certainly not something I had planned to do, but it was so worth it. 

Thanks for reading!! this is yet another re-upload from my AO3 <3

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

Where the Tulips grow

You stride through the halls of the Port Mafia, the bottoms of your shoes clicking against the marble floor of the building. You were currently on your way to your office, needing to get some paperwork done, sadly. Yet, you had something else on your mind, Akutagawa. You’ve known Akutagawa ever since you’ve joined the Port Mafia, yet he’s always acted different towards you. 

He was always so kind, yet so distant, despite him always being considered aloof and outlying from everyone else, it was strange how he seemed to have a secret soft spot for you. You often rush back to a particular whenever you think of him, you remembered walking home in the rain, the familiar scent of petrichor wafting in the cool fresh air, you remember Akutagawa ran after you, and insisted you use his umbrella. 

You were quite fond of the memory, yet, it always puzzled you how he never treated anyone else like that. You sigh, as you continue your practiced steps towards your office. As you arrived at the door to your office, something catches your eye, from across the corridor, you catch the familiar flow of Akutagawa’s trench coat from the corner of the hallway. 

What was he doing all the way up here? Wasn’t his office three floors down? You hum in confusion, before you walk towards the door to your office, gripping the silver door handle. Pushing the door to your office open, something on your desk catches your eye, flowers? You feel confused, as you slowly close the door behind you. 

You approach your desk, tenderly picking up the bouquet. The arrangement of flowers contained pink and yellow tulips, they were beautiful, but who on Earth left this? Suddenly, you catch a glimpse of a white envelope that had been placed on your desk. You place the flowers back down on your desk, before picking up the envelope.

You open it, and take out a piece of paper that was neatly tucked inside it. You slowly unfold the piece of paper, finding out that it’s a letter, your eyes graze the page before you begin reading. “Dear Y/N”, the letter begins. “I’ve yearned to do something like this for you for quite a while now, unfortunately, I do not have the courage to give these to you in person, so I shall simply leave them as a small gift for you to discover, I hope you like them, my dearest, signed Ryuunosuke Akutagawa”. 

You feel a warm tingle from your stomach, as your cheeks gain a rosy tint to them. You re-read the letter, it was written very sprucely, which only made your heart pound more. You thought it wasn’t in Akutagawa’s nature to write something so heartfelt, and to buy flowers for you? It made you smile to yourself. You knew you were going to cherish these for a long time, a very long time. 

first time posting on Tumblr, kinda nervous but whatverrrr, re-upload from my AO3 btw

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

I'm Nothing but Anguished for the Soothing Tone of His Voice

Fyolai Angst

🎪 Nikolai POV 🎪

I curl myself into a fetal position, allowing myself to sink into the soft mattress of my bed. I had been clinging to the softness of my duvet for the past week, and it brought me nothing but tainted sorrow. It was a break between mourning, or just laying there, staring at nothing. 

My hair was a total mess, perhaps I should shower. No, I honestly don’t feel like it, I’ve been telling myself that for weeks now. I let out a chasmic sigh, how pathetic my situation was. It was utterly stupid. 

I only bury myself deeper beneath the covers, finding some kind of weird sanctuary under there. It was so depressing, sad, fucking dumb. I missed everything about Fyodor, from his eyes to his hair, yet, the one thing I missed most, was his voice. 

He had such a lulling way of speaking, it was hypnotizing, somnific. His smooth and velvety tone interlaced with his proper Russian accent. I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes, stop it Nikolai, stop crying. 

Those words echo in my head, how could I stop crying? How could I stop crying when Fyodor was gone? How could I stop when I’d kill for him? I’d rip out thousands of ribcages, pierce millions of thyroids, snip billions of C-4s so people could never walk again, and I’d do it all just for him. 

I reach out of my duvet, the cold air causing goosebumps to form on my arms. I snatch my phone from the nightstand, and pulling it under the sheets with me. I dial Fyodor’s number, knowing that nobody would pick up. 

I wait, I wait and I wait and I wait, waiting for the slight buzz of my phone to stop, before Fyodor’s voicemail played. “привет, I’m probably too busy to answer you right now, try again later, I will watch your call ring”. Beep! It was over, I might as well leave a voice message, a small chuckle escapes me after hearing his voicemail, he was always so sarcastic and funny, well, to me at least.

I take a deep breath before I speak. “Hey, it’s Nikolai,”, my voice cracked, how embarrassing,”uhm, I know you won’t get this but please know that I miss you, and, I l-“, beep! It cut off, I was going to say ‘I love you’, because, I really did. 

I did love him, he’s my liberty, my only true friend. I let my eyes become watery and lachrymose, as I grip my phone, silently praying for him to call me back, and to no avail, I was just left there, drowning in my own sorrow. 

A/N: reupload from my ao3 sadly, whatever, anyways, thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed!! likes are always appreciated <33

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

I Hear Fireworks Outside, and there’s a Knife In My Side

🫖 Fyodor POV 🫖

(TOXIC Fyodor x Nikolai)

(Inspired by Fireworks by Mitski)

(Warnings for murder, toxic relationships, manipulation, and violence.)

Warm summer. 

Some of my least favorite weather. It’s pyretic. And I hate it. Yet, I guess it’s perfect at night, when it’s finally cool. And my one true love atop of me, for all the wrong reasons. Tears from Nikolai’s lachrymose eyes fall onto my white shirt, staining it, just like crimson red from my abdomen. 

Blood pools at my lips, as I cough it up. “Now Nikolai, is this-“ “Shut up”, Nikolai interrupts, as he twists the knife that was lodged in my stomach. I was splayed out on the hardwood floor of an apartment building, where Nikolai had found me. My bitten and chewed nails clawed at the floor, creating scratch marks. 

Nikolai lifts the knife up, before plunging it into a different place of my abdomen, making me let out a shocked gasp, my jaw clenching. “Why are you doing this? Don’t you love me, Nikolai?”, I ask, a small tired smile appearing on my face. I loved that tactic. It always worked. 

Nikolai paused, before a look of apathy appeared on his face. “I don’t want to love you”, he said, before the shiny blade of the sharpened knife fell into my side. My eyes widen as I feel the knife go deep, deeper than I expected, as if the sharp point was grazing my rib cage. 

He pulled it out, his eyes full of anger and frustration. I felt my vision blackening as he slipped the knife into my chest, right into my heart. I looked down at the pool of blood I was surrounded in, before I let out a croaked and breathless laugh. “Don’t look at me like that, Nikolai, you’ll regret this soon enough”, I inform him, watching as he twisted the handle. 

Suddenly, a large sound erupted the room, and a bloom of color. Nikolai stared out the nearby window, seeing fireworks going off, right, there was a firework show tonight. Nikolai’s eyes reflected the sky of blooming color, as tears fell down his cheeks. “I don’t know why I love you”, I hear him murmur, before he looked back down at me. 

“You never fail to confuse me”, I say, in a blatant attempt of trying to sound sympathetic. Soon his sadness of my death would fossilize, and he’ll forget to cry. I’ll be the death of his emotions. “I hate you and love you at the same time”, Nikolai whispers, before he rises from atop me, dropping the silver blade that was dripping with the crimson red of my blood. 

Nikolai’s tall figure became dark as I feel my vision darken, my grin fading as I felt my inanimate death approaching. “Do you hear the fireworks, Nikolai? You’re prettier than them”, I say, before my vision darkens completely. 

Nikolai laid his gloved hand on Fyodor’s chest, feeling his heartbeat slow. Nikolai looked at Fyodor’s dead body, he did it. He was free. Free from Fyodor’s control, he grew his wings. But was it really worth it? He looked at Fyodor, $100 for his haircut, but, a smile from God. A relationship from God. 

A/N: Crosspost from my AO3, whoops. anyways I hope you enjoyed!! <3

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

He's Sweeter than Every Strawberry Cake in the World

Kenji x Kyouka fluff <3

���� Kyouka POV 🍓

Crack!

And into the bowl the egg goes, interlacing with the flour and milk I had previously poured in. I brush a few locks of my dark blue hair out off my face, tucking them safely behind my ear. 

The agency once said I was good at baking, so, I was baking them a vanilla cake in the agency’s, I had initially wanted to make a strawberry cake, yet all the strawberries I had weren’t exactly the best, so I eliminated that idea. I look down at the cyan plastic bowl, wondering if I could try to at least wait for the strawberries to ripen. 

I was dazed, and chasmic in thought, so much so, I didn’t pay any observation to the blond boy creeping up behind me. A tap on my shoulder awoke me from my trance like state. I accidentally flinched as I whipped my head around, only to see the sweet smile of Kenji. 

I must’ve looked perplexed, because Kenji’s expression quickly shifted to a small worried one. “Sorry if I startled you, Kyouka!”, Kenji apologizes, before my own expression softens. “Kenji… what is it you need?”, I ask, turning around to face him. Kenji looks into my eyes, his wide smile returning to his lips. 

“I brought you something!”, Kenji exclaims, before he holds out a straw basket he must’ve been holding from behind his back. I was a bit taken aback, before I take the basket in my lithe and thin hands. 

I peer inside, my eyes lighting up, my pupils must’ve dilated to stars when I saw what was inside, strawberries. And the plump, juicy kind. Kenji must’ve grown these himself, did he pick them just for me?

“I thought you might want to make a strawberry cake instead of plain old vanilla!”, Kenji chirps, his androgynous voice had a blissful ring to it. I suddenly felt my cheeks gain a rosy, pyretic tint, he had picked them just for me, hadn’t he?

“Thank you, Kenji...”, I say, clutching the basket in my pale hands. I look into his hazel eyes, and it felt like time froze. His eyes… they felt like mirrors depicting a different world that was beyond this realm. 

It felt solace to just gaze into them, my heart was pounding, before I quickly looked away, trying my best to shift my expression back to the lifeless and focused way it was before. 

“Thanks for this, Kenji”, I murmur another thank you to him, before I pick up one of the sharp kitchen knife and start dicing the strawberries, I was good at cutting things, I suppose that was a benefit from being an ex-assassin. 

“You’re welcome, Kyouka!”, Kenji exclaimed, before he ran off, somewhere in the building. I stared down at the strawberry, watching as I sliced it. I knew Kenji would be the first to have a slice of the cake once I was finished. 

My heart is still pounding, I think to myself, before, I smile, Kenji is truly sweeter than any strawberry cake in the world. 

a/n: I actually wrote this for Tumblr this time, wow, anyways, tysm for reading!! Kenji and kyouka are cuties!! likes are always appreciated <3

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

♡︎ No Dessert is as Saccharine as His Love ♡︎

Kenji x Kyouka

💞 Kyouka POV 💞

Knock, knock, knock!

The knocking on the door awoke me from the peaceful slumber I had fallen into hours before. My hair was released from its normal pigtails, making it cascade down my back like a waterfall. I check the time, 8:34am, it was my day off today, so Atsushi let me sleep in. He must’ve been at the detective agency, because his bed was empty. 

I arise from my bed, stretching out my body to wake up. I stride towards the door, and opening it, and in front of me, was the winsome and gentle smile of Kenji. “Good morning, Kyouka!”, Kenji chirped, I noticed something in his hands, a covered tin foil plate. 

“Good morning Kenji…”, I respond groggily, rubbing drowsiness from my eyes as I hear my stomach growl. “Would you mind if I come in for a sec?”, Kenji requests, his expression looked so soft, his cheeks had a rosy tinge to them, he looked eager to see me. “Yes, of course”, I respond, opening the door wider to allow him to step in. 

Kenji skipped into the apartment, placing the plate on the table next to the door. “How’d you sleep? Sorry if I woke you up from me knocking!”, Kenji apologized, his eyes gleaming with a strange interlacing of love and joy. This wasn’t a glitz, this was a true gleam. “I slept quite nicely, and it’s okay”, I reassure him, making Kenji let out a sigh of relief. 

Kenji grinned again, as he clasped his hands together. “Phew, anyways, I brought you a little something for breakfast!”, Kenji said, as he festered for me to sit down at the table. I take a seat, and so does he. His hand the lifts the tinfoil, and reveals a set of little blonde cakes, castella, decorated with an array of strawberries. 

My eyes enlarged at the sight of the desserts. “Ta-da! It’s castella! For breakfast of course!”, Kenji proudly admits, making my cheeks bloom with a rosy color. He got castella, and just for me? “I made it for you, hopefully it tastes nice!”, Kenji adds on, he didn’t even buy it, he made it. “Kenji, this looks amazing…”, I mumble, my pupils hadn’t just contorted into stars, but entire constellations. 

“Hopefully it tastes just as amazing”, Kenji says brightly, before he snatches one of the pieces of castella from the plate, raising it to my mouth. “C’mon! You look starving!”, Kenji exclaims, before I open my mouth, taking a bite of the cake, my mouth exploded with a bold and delicious sweetness. It was scrumptious. 

“Kenji, this is amazing”, I compliment, watching as Kenji smiles. “I’m glad! I thought that you might enjoy something sweet for breakfast on your day off”, Kenji admits, his tone breaking with a sheepish tone, before he returns to his normal self. He thought of me. 

“Well! I best be on my way”, Kenji says, before arising from the dining table. He was about to step out before I too stand up. “Wait, Kenji, just one more thing”, I quickly say, rushing towards Kenji, who was already idling at the door. “Sure thing Kyouka! What is it?”, Kenji said, as I stepped in front of him. 

I look into his eyes, before I take his hand, intertwining my fingers with his. My hands were cold, his were pyretic and warm. A perfect mix. “I love you”, I say, making Kenji’s eyes widen. His cheeks then went red, as he smiled. Suddenly, Kenji slightly leaned down, his lips finding mine in a gentle yet love-spilling kiss. 

I make a sound of surprise, but soon, I melt into the kiss, my ocean blue eyes growing half-lidded. Kenji squeezes my hand in his own, as if to let me know “I’m still here”. His other hand tucks a few shimmering tendrils of blue hair out of my face, as he holds the kiss. It was sweet and soft, time seemed to freeze, and just for a moment, it felt like we were the only people in the universe. 

Soon enough, he pulls away, leaving me breathless from how my heart was pounding. “I love you too, Kyouka”. I look to the side, before he gave me another quick peck, before releasing my hand, and reaching for the doorknob. He twisted the golden knob, before swinging open the door, and leaving. 

And I just stood there, not from shock, but from how in love I felt. Because, no matter how many desserts I’d eat, no matter how sweet people say they are, none will be as saccharine as Kenji’s love. 

[fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu]

Hiya!! My name’s Estrella, Ella or Essie for short if you’re feeling extra spicy. 

Here’s some basic stuff about me, I’m INFP, 20 yrs old, Canadian and French, and I’m gender-fluid!! (born AFAB).

Here’s stuff I like!; friends, going out, drawing, doing my makeup, Bungo Stray Dogs, Demon Slayer, Hetalia, looking pretty, white wine, reading, writing, volleyball, Mitski, shopping, headcanons, FYODOR, KEISUKE UEDA, CHINA FROM HETALIA.

Here’s some things I don’t like!: Loud noises, home-wreckers, disloyalty, people who spread rumors, z!onists. 

Triggers: Teeth, dead animals, loud noises, ED’s, SH.

Interact: kind, nice, Hetalia fans, BSD fans, Fyodor/Nikolai lovers, China (hetalia) lovers!!

Kinnies: Nikolai Gogol (BSD), Fyodor Dostoevsky (BSD), Russia (Hetalia Axis Power/World Stars), Mitsuri Kanroji (KNY), Prussia (Hetalia Axis Power/World Stars)

About what I write: I mostly write fluff or angst if I feel like it, everyone is allowed to interact with my SFW posts, sometimes I might reblog NSFW writing, please ALWAYS look at the boundaries of the writer before interacting!!

Some simple rules

Please don’t be mean to anyone here!!

Please respect boundaries

I don’t want to see any z!onists on my blog, at all. 

Please don’t say any slurs!! Light swearing is okay.

Some extras: my ao3 is fyodorsfavoriteanimewifu if you’re interested in reading some of my earlier works, all my works can be found under my personal hashtag, or if you, for some reason, wanna hear about my personal life, then that stuff is under the hashtag "estrella yaps" <3

important!: I am a very sensitive person. I don’t handle hate or not positive criticism very well. I have NPD and ADHD, please be kind to me, and if you want to give criticism, please be kind with it!! <3