#krs is a character that never really had a chance to figure out who he was in his life. basically the entire time. similar to og!cale in the

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

HOLY MOTHER OF ALBERU THIS IS AMAZING

Okay but super really? this is incredible. I feel like I'm going to be watching this on repeat for 15 hours until I've extracted all the happy hormones that it's emitting

The world's greatest actor || Og Cale animatic

After 155 frame later I present to you my tribute to the original occupant of cale henituse body

Do I gonna make something like this again in near future? Well who knows

[mc-doppomine]

Day 19 Bonus: Buster Bros!!! vs Dotsutaire Honpo

I’m gonna start with the music this time because just writing like one of the story/character bit...was taking a while. So in terms of music...I have to give it over to the Buster Bros. With their individual albums, it just got so much better for the Buster Bros as they’re becoming more distinct with their personality in their sound. Like Break the Wall is one of my top solos and y’all just unfortunate that Saburo used like one of the classical pieces I thought fucking slapped even before he messed with it. And I’m so happy for them. 

DH has a bit of a disadvantage of being a new group and thus having less to compare. But so far....eh. I think DH is very hit or miss for me. Like Matenrou, they have such differing talents and subject matters that it either turns into a strange symphony or some mishmash that just makes it eh. Which is generally my feeling with their group songs as I really love Ah, Osaka Dreaming Night but I am not impressed with Wara Osaka. And I am okay with their solo songs but to be fair to them, a lot of the songs I prefer for the already established group was their second solo, not the first, which is their introductory ones. 

As for Joy for Struggle, yeah, Buster Bros took that for me. DH I get is supposed to be more carefree than a lot of the other teams that are a bit more serious but I think that attitude really bit them in the ass for this battle. And BB did not have time to be playing around. I thought Saburo had more confidence this time and let that truly nasty attitude leave some spikes behind. Saburo really was like ‘How many times we gotta teach you this lesson, old man?!’ Jiro actually had some good retorts! I’m so sorry, I love him I swear but he had so much to grow in terms of coming with bite and it’s starting to show! The chihuahua vs tiger comparison! And while I do appreciate that Rosho and Sasara stay true in their manzai act...it really just didn’t land for me in the battle and Jiro and Saburo were quick to gnaw at it. 

And then...there’s the verse against Ichiro. I won’t say they stick with me as well as War War War but quite frankly Ichiro vs Sasara and later Rei are more of a battle of ideals. And to me, Ichiro poured more into his than those two. Because Rei’s were just belittling the boys because they’re younger and like they went down some wrong path. Both Saburo and Ichiro weren’t having any of that. Like who the fuck are you to step in and tell us off? At least MTC were more of like ‘come back when you’re more polished.’ And with Sasara, I think Ichiro delivered the line that is my entire thing with this battle: ‘Floaty words like that won’t sting us at all.’ I feel like DH lacked enough bite against BB and it shows. The only real bite back is from Rei and even he doesn’t seem to have that much that actually phased BB in my opinion. 

In terms of story/character wise...it’s really hard to make a decision. Because for all the teams, it’s really a matter of the dynamics against the others. And DH have it so stacked for them just because of Rei. Sure, I may not like him but he is very interesting in terms of being a vehicle for developments to happen. He seems to know a lot of things and people so he becomes such a presence that could tempt so many things into happening. Like if it was DH vs FP, he knows the fuck about Ramuda! He fucking made him! And I have little doubt it was him on the phone with Ramuda in Catch Us If You Can drama track. And at the end of the previous DRB...at least what sticks out in my mind and I may have to double check but I think he mentioned some interest in Ramuda after telling about how the true hypnosis mic being used would’ve shot Chuuoku in the foot. Also added to that, Rei likely knows Gentaro. For what reason? We don’t quite know but it can be assumed it’s because he’s doing something for Gentaro. Either looking into Ramuda since the ‘legal’ way wasn’t reaping anything or if Gentaro is hiding something, then Rei might be helping him hide it. Also also, Rei is one of the few rappers that know who Dice is! He and Otome were talking about their kids! That’s HUGE since Dice hasn’t told anyone about this aspect of his life. Rei alone would make such a juggernaut for FP.

I honestly can’t think of anything for DH vs BAT, sorry. They don’t seem to have any history besides Kuko and Sasara both being in MCD for a time...but I don’t recall that time really being elaborated on soooooo yeah.

If it were DH vs MTC, that’s more of a dynamic between Sasara and Samatoki. Which I think would be the time to figure things out between them. Because Samatoki was left with why and never got an answer. And seeing him again, Sasara can’t run away. He can try but pretty sure that Samatoki could outrun him. It also would be a time of like Sasara’s dynamic between the two men that have been his partners, Samatoki and Rosho. The people that were close to Sasara and whom he feels the most towards. I honestly can’t think of much else besides that but I’m sure KR will find a way to have the guys piss each other off. I’m just here for SamaSasa and SasaRo shenanigans. (I guess we could see if Rio does know Rei since in theory he SHOULD know who he is since it sounds like the hypmic was in development when Rio was serving and he tested some aspect of it).

I think DH vs MTR would be kinda funny. Like for some reason I think that Sasara and Rosho would get really fucking mad at how Hifumi and Doppo just naturally have that manzai energy by virtue of being best friends and roommates. I have personal experience of people being like ‘this IS a show’ of just watching and listening to me and my best friend and roommate just going back and forth. I feel like it’d just be so damn funny if it was over something not as serious I guess? But then that’d all be ruined because I feel like Rei would either expose to Hifumi and Doppo of Jakurai’s cooperation with Chuuoku, which while they don’t have any personal reason to really hate Chuuoku, wouldn’t feel comfortable with it either. Or. OR, my god, let him expose Jakurai’s assassin past, something he seems to feel nothing but shame for and also ruining his perfect image. Because Rei just seems like he’d be willing to do that. 

So yeah, a lot of drama that could happen because of frickin’ Rei and some loose ends to deal with from Sasara. By comparison, BB has some things but they wouldn’t be as dire as DH’s. Like with BB vs BAT, this could be the chance for Ichiro to get his answers from Kuko. He never got an answer either. He was left with heartbreak and never given the why. And Kuko either has rationalized or will be in for a rude awakening having to go head on with Ichiro. Because they were close. Kuko had to care about Ichiro in some capacity to willingly help some group he knew was sketch and didn’t like. Why did that change? He had to have meditated on this at some point! Meanwhile, I really hope that Jiro and Jyushi and Kuko can get along if the reconciliation with Ichiro doesn’t happen! They’d be such an eclectic group but would be so much trouble too! (And please let Jiro and Jyushi play together. Ever since someone wrote about it, it lives in my head rent free) I really am hoping for it. All the while, Hitoya is like ‘shit, now I gotta adopt MORE kids. Why are there so many of these little shits running around without supervision???’ 

I can’t think of much for BB vs FP since I just don’t see their circles running that close and it just didn’t feel like Ichiro was close to Ramuda even back with TDD. Most I can think of is Jiro, who is also pretty thoughtless, saying the wrong thing to Gentaro and it’s The Rivalry 2.0. But overall can’t think of anything too specific. 

It’d hurt me if it was BB vs MTR. Because for some reason I see that most of MTR treat the BB like their little siblings and in Jakurai’s case, it’s like going to go fight his kids (I will go down on the hill of occasional dadkurai shenanigans!). And while Saburo and Jiro have and still do make fun of Doppo, I think he also has their respect because he looks out for them in a different way but still same energy as Ichiro does. Probably because he is an older brother. I don’t really think any of the guys can say anything to bother Hifumi and it’s more of Hifumi being fucking thoughtless and saying the wrong thing. I feel like he’d piss off Saburo somehow. And with Jakurai and Ichiro...it’s a ‘nothing personal, just business’ although I think Jakurai would be proud of Ichiro either way.

And then there’s just rematch energy if it’s BB vs MTC. Honestly? The real thing I would love to see from if this happened is for Jiro and Saburo to have a reevaluation of MTC. Because the main reason they were so aggressive and hostile towards them is because of Ichiro’s grudge with Samatoki. They just took it as ‘if they’re Ichi-nii’s enemy, they’re our enemy.’ But since they’re taking this step of coming on their own, they also need to think about if they can still dislike these guys because Ichiro’s beef isn’t theirs. I mean, Jiro probably still doesn’t like Jyuto because he’s a delinquent and fuck cops y’know sorta rebelliousness. And I don’t think Saburo particularly dislikes Rio and vice versa. The thing with Ichiro and Samatoki is honestly secondary to this. And I feel would be the time for Samatoki to let go since he KNOWS now that it wasn’t Ichiro that got Nemu to leave but Ramuda but it’s a matter of if his pride would allow him. And Ichiro would have to realize that while he lost their fight...he won in the end since he’s the one that kept his brothers while Samatoki lost Nemu. He’s gotta feel for him and understand why Samatoki was/is mad at him. (Also long shot but if they could talk about how Samatoki also exacerbated his hesitance to trust others, that’d be greeeeaaattttt).

So yeah, I’ve thought about how these dynamics and things and you’d think weighing them all would make this choice easy. And it is. In a way. Because for me, I’d choose Buster Bros. I do like Sasara a lot and Rosho I think is fine but their third really sours for me. I know some can keep that bias aside and look, I did talk about what all he can do...but he alone can’t carry the sound for the team. Story, sure, but not the music. While I really would like some of the threads that Rei brings...it’s not completely impossible for him to still be around if any of the other teams do advance. I mean, they’re all the only men stuck in Chuuoku for the time of the DRB and having to pass each other while going to their own rooms or box seating. He has ways. So yeah, if I had voted on DH vs BB, this is what I would’ve gone with.

[kimraver]

It’s hard to pin down Kim Raver’s most memorable role. To some, she’ll forever be Audrey Raines from 24. To others, she’s known for having played the delightful Dr. Teddy Altman on Grey’s Anatomy since 2009. And lest we forget, there were also her turns as Nico Reilly on Lipstick Jungle and Kim Zambrano on Third Watch. With these and other beloved performances, Raver has cemented her place as one of primetime television’s most prolific actors.

And this summer, she makes her directorial debut with Tempting Fate, the first in a trio of Lifetime original movies based on British author Jane Green’s best-selling novels. The film, which stars Alyssa Milano, was co-directed by Manu Boyer, Raver’s real-life husband and dad to the couple’s two sons. (Raver and Boyer also co-produced the second and third films in the series, To Have & To Hold and Family Pictures.) Tempting Fate delivers on absolutely everything you’d want from a Lifetime original: There’s a strong but flawed female lead, a passionate affair, a family tested, drama galore and… murder. Oh, wait, there is no murder. But there is loads of the other stuff.

We recently had the chance to sit down with Raver in our New York City studio to talk about directing, Grey’s Anatomy, working motherhood and which of her iconic characters she wishes she could play forever. Keep reading for the full interview, and catch Tempting Fate on Lifetime now.

SheKnows: What drew you to this particular project for your directorial debut?

Kim Raver: My partners brought the book to me and when I read it — the first Jane Green book, Tempting Fate — I just felt like it was a story about women. I loved the fact that the character wasn’t this perfect Hollywood woman, and I felt like that was really relatable. I think so often as women we have all of this sort of media of perfection, and I think we’re so much more complicated than that. And I love that [Alyssa Milano’s character] makes a really shitty decision. There’s also the fallout of it. I also thought it was really a coming of age story. I feel like we talk about the coming of age of women and girls at the age of 13 or 14, but I really think we also evolve as far as who we are or what our voice is as women as we get older. And I thought this was amazing. You know, she made a crappy decision and then she has to deal with the consequences. And it’s not this sort of happily ever after, but it’s this amazing journey of this woman taking control of her life. And, to me, that was really accessible, and I wanted to expand on those stories we see, and make a movie like that. It really reminded me of Diane Lane in Unfaithful.

SK: I love that movie. She’s not a hero, but you empathize with her.

KR: Yes! I love it too. You relate to her. And that’s what really drew me to this project. And I loved developing it. We had talked about me acting in it, but I really wanted to have the experience of directing it, and I think by being on a Shonda Rhimes show, I saw that it was a possibility.

SK: You co-directed Tempting Fate with your husband, Manu Boyer. Was this the first time you two had worked together?

KR: Yes!

SK: And what was that dynamic like? Was there a learning curve?

KR: No, not at all. Because we’ve literally been together for 20 years and have two kids, and the juggling and managing of, like, daily household schedule — kids, sports, work, life — it was a very smooth transition. I respect him so much as a director, and just in life, and I think he respects my knowledge as an actor, so we really kind of leaned on each other to our strengths, and then also to the areas that we’re developing. I think that that’s a good partnership, right? You honor the person in the areas they’re really good at, and you support them in the areas they’re getting better at. You really have to take your ego out of it and just focus on the story.

SK: Being a working mom — no matter what you do or what your life looks like — can be a challenge. Do you think work-life balance really exists? Is it something that you think women should even be trying to aspire to?

KR: I just heard someone the other day say that work-life balance is bullshit. And I think that that’s interesting. I think it’s the ‘do it all’ thing that’s bullshit. I think the balance is trying to find sanity and health within it. And also, being present. Because I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed out on my children and raising my children. But I am also a career woman. I love my career. And I think the balance is that you dip in and out of them both. And yeah, there’s probably a time or two that I’ve missed something at school, but then I’m there making homemade costumes on set so that I feel that I am a part of their lives. And then I’m sure there are also some things in my career that I didn’t get to do because I chose to be present with my kids. So, I think that pressure to have it all — that’s where the bullshit is. And the balance is figuring out, how do I stay as present and healthy and raise a healthy family within the insane schedule that we’re all juggling?

SK: As an actor, have you found that being directed by a woman is a different experience?

KR: Yeah, it’s interesting. For me this whole movement is not about bashing men, it’s just about now all of a sudden, for the first time really, women are having an opportunity to have a voice creatively, and so many female directors never got that, ever. They weren’t even allowed to direct. So, I think for me the experience is that there’s an intimacy that I enjoy as an actor having a female director that I might not necessarily have with a male director. I think women have a different view than men, so I like finally having that experience of being able to share that female gaze and experience from a female perspective of a woman directing me.

SK: You’ve played so many memorable characters, and you’ve also reprised many of those roles years later, which makes them feel especially iconic. If you could only play one of those characters for the rest of your life, who would it be?

KR: Oh, that’s really interesting. Nico [from Lipstick Jungle] I loved because of her whole fashion, and I loved that she was really an empowered woman. You know, she was with a younger guy, and her husband left her. Audrey on 24, I also love her. She was super smart and badass. And I loved working with Kiefer [Sutherland], and I loved our characters’ relationship. But I have to say I think it would be Teddy [from Grey’s Anatomy], because I love the combination. I love that I get to do comedy and humor and yet she also has this sort of gravitas and intensity. And she’s such a giver. I also like that she’s learning to maybe stand up for herself a little bit. She’s always taking care of everyone else and I feel like that moment in Germany where she kicked Owen out was also a defining moment for her. I feel like she’s kind of on the upswing of finding out who she is. I just like the combination of being able to have comedy and drama at the same time, so I would say Teddy.

SK: What are some shows that you’re watching on TV right now?

KR: Dead To Me. I think the performances are fantastic. And Killing Eve, and I love it because the writer and creator [Phoebe Waller-Bridge] also has her own show, which she’s starring in! Is that even possible? I just think that’s incredible. And Big Little Lies — with Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman, who found the book and then made it. That’s also for me this incredible example of, ‘see one do one, see one be one,’ as Geena Davis says.

SK: It does seem like more women are beginning to write, produce and develop their own projects, though we’re far from gender parity in directing.

KR: The numbers are still really scary. Lifetime has hired amazing numbers of female directors in the last year — 78 percent. And out in the world, it’s only 17 percent. So, Lifetime is doing it right, and the rest of the industry has to catch up.

Tempting Fate, To Have & To Hold and Family Pictures are all streaming now on Lifetime.

[topazshadowwolf]

False Hope (Chapter 6)

After the human left the underground, Sans is left trying to piece his life back together with those who remain. As time goes on, decisions are made about what monster kind should do next, and how best to escape to the surface. But if they do get their freedom, what will happen?

Written by: Topaz Shadowwolf Undertale Fan fiction Undertale is owned by Toby Fox

Heads up: Soriel, Sans POV, my goal in writing this is to poke at your emotions Warnings: Major character death, implied suicide, homicidal thoughts, don’t expect a happy ending

AO3 On Tumblr: Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5

I know! Last two chapters in one day~ Here we goooooo!

Chapter six: Impatience

 Flowey

That flower had beaten him to the human and was trying to kill them. He could see the flower had them tangled in vines. He must have caught them unaware as he had a clear advantage and was now toying with the human like a cat with a wounded mouse. Had he not decided to make this a game, the human would be dead by now.

And Sans would have lost his chance to get revenge.

Sans felt his anger increase as that stupid flower had the audacity to try to steal this from him. With how long he had been planning this moment, he couldn’t let that happen. The human was for him to destroy. The flower was just as guilty and had no right to steal his justice. Too many times he had suffered from that plant’s cruelty. This was one thing he wasn’t just going to let the flower take from him.

All the rage he had been holding inside, every ounce of distaste for that plant swelled up within an instant. The magic within him hummed so loudly, drowning out all other sounds. In the darkness of the night, every object around him was bathed in an ever-changing cyan to yellow glow. Eye sockets narrowed as he shook so much his bones began to rattle, which formed the war song he was about to fight to.

He took a shortcut into the house raining bones down on the flower. Taken by surprise, Flowey yelled out and recoiled from the burn of KR. “You!” Flowey hissed as he raised up. The flower summoned up its seed bullets to throw at Sans while pulling up more vines to attack with. But Sans didn’t care, he was going to win this, one way or another. With the use of his magic, Sans stretched time to avoid each bullet and swing of the vine. Doing so cost him a lot of magic, but it was well worth the cost. He had plenty of magic within him. As lazy as he is, he never lacked power, just strength. To win this fight, and have enough power left to finish off the human he will have to make this quick.

The human was still tied up in vines, so Sans took the opportunity to form a box around them with blue bones. Not seeing what happened, as the flower’s focus was on Sans, Flowey ended up screeching in pain as he started to move those vines. Trying to end the burn he detached those vines form his main body. The flower looked at where the human was now struggling to free themself from the disembodied vines. Even if they did manage to free themself from those, they would still be trapped in a cell of bones. Flowey was clearly angry as he turned back to Sans and hissed, “No! They are mine, you stupid trash bag!”

Sans didn’t feel the need to say anything as he continued to attack, sending wave after wave of bones and blasters. At first, as if this were some joke, Flowey laughed at his attacks, “I already know how you fight, idiot!” But soon the flower found himself on the losing end. Sans attack patterns were different, disjointed, maddened, fueled by his rage and broken thoughts versus his normal calm, rational plans. The flower didn’t know where the next attack would come from or what shape it would take.

Flowey might think that the human was his, but Sans wasn’t going to allow it. He couldn’t allow it. HE WON’T ALLOW IT! He’d rather turn them over to Undyne than this flower who is just as murderous, just as cruel… just as soulless. It wouldn’t be an act of retribution if Flowey killed the human. It would be just an act of a murderer killing another murderer.

Where was the justice in that?

There was none, at least, none he could possibly see.

Finally, beaten and weakened by the onslaught of attacks, Flowey retreated, “FINE!” He snapped as he pulled himself down into the earth below the floor of the house. He then called up from under the floorboards, “But you BETTER finish them off, you hear me, smiley trash bag?! I hate this ending as much as you do.”

Victorious, Sans stood there, panting with dark eye sockets. He felt a laugh bubble up within him and he let it out. It didn’t sound like a normal laugh for him; nor, did he know what was so funny. Just that he felt the need to, and so he did. As he laughed he turned to the human who shrank back from him within their magic made cell. Their terrified face illuminated by the flashing cyan and yellow of his glowing eye.

Finally!

Finally.

Finally…

From within him, his magic started to build up as he prepared to slaughter them as he had in the hall. They were defenseless, an easy mark. He could kill them with ease like this. There was no need to arm them and go through another needless fight like he did with Flowey. Soon this will be over. This whole nightmare will be over.

“y’should have reset sooner, kiddo,” Sans growled while accenting the nickname with distaste.

Arms wrapped around him, stopping him. The owner of those arms held him tight while radiating such a feeling of sympathy and love, “Sans… this isn’t you.”

Toriel… why… why… why…?

“Please, Sans, I know you don’t really want to do this,” Toriel tried to plea to his kinder self. But he had killed that side of him off long before, or so he thought. Hearing her sorrow filled voice caused him to tremble. As Sans felt her love for him, more and more, his sockets fill with tears.

“i do tori, i do want to. why are you stopping me,” his voice started to quiver, and he raised his hands to cover his sockets. She wasn’t supposed to see him like this. This wasn’t right. Why did she follow him? “if i do this you’ll come back…,” Sans strained to say as his magic tightened in his non-existent throat. He ignored the confused look of the human as he tried not to sob. “i don’t know if you’re really there, tori… can you even tell me? are you just in my head or are you really a spirit following me.”

There was silence, but he could still feel her arms around him. He started to tremble as he relaxed his magic. While he kept the human trapped, he no longer felt ready to finish them off. With a long, shuddering sigh, he tried to calm his nerves. “i don’t know who i am, anymore,” Sans whispered.

“YOU’RE MY BROTHER,” Papyrus spoke up while placing a gloved hand on his shoulder.

“A-and my science buddy,” Alphys added in.

“You’re also my dear one, my love,” Toriel finally let him go so he could turn to face them.

“this isn’t fair,” he whimpered. He was now shaking so much his bones were rattling again. This time it was a sad tune that matched his inner turmoil. Why? Why did they have to come to stop him? He was so close to having them back, yet they were the ones to stop him. Didn’t they know how much he truly missed them? Were they so concerned with him making this moral choice they couldn’t let him go through with it? He felt so stressed with all these thoughts, he needed to move. As he started to pace back and forth he tried to put his thoughts in order.

“this isn’t fair,” he repeated as he stared down.

“Sans,” Toriel started but Sans turned to face her.

“N O!” He snapped then pointed to the human. “T H I S  I S N ‘ T  F A I R !”

With every bit of malice, he had in his soul, he glared down at the human with dark sockets, “don’t you see? don’t you know they don’t deserve this? why should they be happy after everything they did? why should they get to sit here and live in this house while you three are dead?!” He turned back to the three who looked at him with…

With sympathy.

“why? why are you looking at me like that?” tears rolled from his sockets. Why were they doing this?

He paused and looked down as he thought. So many thoughts were rolling around in his head. Thoughts of life, anger, justice, displaced anger, wrongdoings, and his newly found impatience. He couldn’t feel himself wait any longer for the reset.

“fine,” he said to the three before turning back to the human, “let me think about this.”

With his jacket sleeve, he cleaned the tears from his face and sockets so he could see clearer. The human was obviously terrified, as they should be. At MTT Resort, he had many audiences, but never a captive one. He chuckled and shook his head, “okay, tell ya what. i’m going to work through some thoughts out loud, and you’re going to listen.”

He started to pace again, trying to figure out where he should start…

Life seemed about right.

He started, using a more serious tone than his normally relaxed voice, “I think the one thing that has bothered me throughout the years, and resets, is how quickly a life can disappear...”

 Basically, it all boils down to this. Do I kill you and force you to reset, or do I show mercy to someone who doesn’t seem to understand that concept? And don’t tell me you were just curious because curiosity doesn’t justify murder. Curiosity doesn’t mean you can ignore the lives in front of you. Curiosity doesn’t justify cruelty!

You can’t see them, right? Because, here they are, right before you, begging for your life when you killed them... how many times? You abused their trust in order to appease your curiosity. You ignored their feelings because you just believed they didn't have any. You crushed their lives because, in the end, they didn’t matter to you. Just your curiosity!

Just accept that you thought it was a game. That you saw our lives as a way to pass time. To you, we were merely a plaything to discard once you were bored. And even though there was the potential for a “happy ending,” you couldn’t even be bothered to give us that before abandoning us to this sorry fate.

I’m so lonely, being tailed by ghosts and memories of my failings…

And it’s your fault.

Did you seriously think that your actions would not catch up with you?

Did you honestly believe we were nothing or no one? That our lives didn’t matter?

I see them, begging me to spare you. Funny, huh? The ones you murdered over and over are now the ones pleading for your life. So, now…

What do I do?

Aren’t you curious to find out?

Closing Notes: Oh man... I loved writing this. I hope you enjoyed reading. Again, a big shout out and thanks to my beta readers. @upperstories beta read 1-4 and then @obsessedkatie read these last two. I loved their insight and input. Thank you for reading, liking, reblogging, commenting, tagging commenting, whatever. I hope you love this as much as I loved writing it.

[ianrosenberger]

Heather’s Game Changers Cast Ranking/Analysis

My Absolute Faves:

1. SANDRA

Okay I can’t even describe how excited I am that Sandra is on this season. She’s my favourite survivor player ever and is the EPITOME of a game changer. Sandra delivers the perfect combination of strategy and entertainment for me and the survivor franchise should consider itself blessed that she agreed to return. As for her chances of going far, everything in me is saying she’s bound to be a premerge boot, but it’s queen changa! In pearl islands and heroes vs villains she was still screaming premerge boot but clearly we know how that turned out. I’m rooting for her above everyone else which is redundant to say when she’s already #1 on the list but... had to let that fact be known again.

2. TONY

I think I would say Tony is my third favourite survivor contestant ever (behind mother sandra ofc and Kim Spradlin). He’s crackedt out of his mind and it’s pure entertainment gold. I’m never not fascinated by trying to figure out the logic behind what Tony is doing. I don’t see how it would be possible for him to get far again sadly, but whatever happens I’m sure he’ll go out in a blaze of glory. Apparently he’s already been jumping out of bushes and whatnot at the pregame ponderosa like . .. . crackedt legends only.

Love these casting choices:

3. CIRIE

Cirie really did THAT strategically in Panama and Micronesia. Unlike the other two legends I already talked about, I do see a good chance of Cirie going far in the game again. I haven’t watched Micronesia or Panama recently (and I lowkey forgot what panama was and typed casaya for the season name while making this post), so I don’t have a crisp memory of everything she did, but..basically I remember that I stanned it. The only thing I’m concerned with is her rivalry with Sandra or whatever their relationship could be called. I’m not gonna lie; when I heard that she said Sandra didn’t deserve to win either of her seasons, I was....disgusted. Tbh. That doesn’t take anything away from the fact that Cirie’s gameplay was everything but girl...don’t come for Sandra like that.

4. ANDREA

Andrea has really grown on me since she first played. I don’t think I had much of an opinion on her in redemption island because I really didn’t care for anybody in the cast at all dfsndjfndsj but in Caramoan I liked her! She gives me constant conspiratorial vibes which I need to really STAN a survivor contestant. I just think she needs to fix her social game a bit because strategically I do think Andrea has the capability to win. Other than that I just enjoy her presence on my TV. I don’t think she’ll be targeted for a while by anyone but dumbfucks like Caleb or Brad for the same reason sexually deprived men usually target her *eyes emoji* so..yeah I have high hopes for her!

5. MICHAELA

I don’t think I appreciated Michaela enough while MvG was on (also because I missed a ton of episodes for school and had to binge watch the season in chunks of like five eps at a time). But Michaela has the makings of a legend - she gives me the blend of entertainment and strategy that I referred to in describing Sandra. A different blend than Sandra of course, but Michaela is a unique character in my mind, and I think if she can get past the barrier of being an unknown variable to the rest of the cast, she could do really well. I’m excited to watch her on the season regardless.

6. HALI

MUVVA! The ONLY good thing that I remember about W*rlds Ap*rt excluding Carolyn. Honestly half the reason I love Hali as much as I do is because she’s hot and that’s just the tea. Her weird analogies in confessionals and unintentional comic relief at tribals are great and I’m looking forward to them, as well as her renewed motivation to actually be a strategic force in the season. In worlds apart she at least TRIED to do something strategically, so now I’m hoping she can maybe tune her social game up a bit in order to be able to implement some of her schemes.

7. MALCOLM

Yeah I absolutely am thirsty for Malcolm. Sure am. Is that why he’s this high on the list? Britney_spears_crying_yeah.gif . SNkjdsfhjdskh I’m only half serious about that. Based on the pregame ET Canada interviews, I think his ego either got bigger or he’s just more comfortable showing it now that he’s played twice and feels like there’s less to prove, so I could see him being more of a villain this season than an underdog like his first two seasons. He is strategically adept, and I don’t think there’s a chance he could become someone’s goat and get super uninteresting, so all in all I’m happy he’s coming back.

8. JT

Ohh JT. If I remember correctly, he was the first person to play a perfect game and I think that makes him a game changer. What bumped him up in my rankings was the fact that in his interviews, his passion for the game is burning up like Russell’s hat in the fire. JT is NOT here to play games this season. I liked him in both Tocantins and HvV; I think he gives a level headed and still insightful perspective into the game, and in spite of him giving Russell that idol, I do think JT is one of the smartest people on this cast in terms of not only being able to come up with good strategic moves but being able to implement them. I agree with what he said in his interviews that people will more remember his blunder in HvV and extreme loyalty to Stephen over him winning and probably be more inclined to work with him, so I think JT could definitely make it far and maybe win again.

Happy with these casting choices:

9. ZEKE

Something about Zeke’s personality I’m drawn to. I wasn’t a humongous Zeke stan in MvG (because I was rooting for David’s side I’m sorry Zeke), but as the game went on, he went from initially annoying me because he looked too old to be on the milennial tribe to being really endearing and pleasant to watch. Maybe it’s recency bias but seeing him and Michaela going into this season for some reason feels like two new players being cast into a season of allstars, and automatically makes me want to root for the two of them.

10. TROYZAN

Let me take a minute and fasten my wig on before saying this but um..I like Troyzan. dnsjkgfhjkhd if you want to block me after that I understand. He pissed me off in One World of course because he tried to act like he could compare to the legendary Kim Spradlin when he clearly could not, but now that Kim isn’t here I think he might be more tolerable. He’s an independent thinker which is the main quality that makes me like Troyzan. It’s a mess that the main thing he’s remembered for is screaming “this is my island” at a group of women who then steamrolled over his corpse, but it at least proved that he’s not only extra and will add some drama to the show, but he will pave his own way strategically.

11. AUBRY

No one can deny that Aubry was a strategic force in Kaoh Rong. That’s the main reason that I’m happy that she’s returning because I think she definitely earned it with her level of gameplay. For some reason there’s a disconnect for me with Aubry that I hope this season will patch up and I’ll be able to fully stan her. She doesn’t have that quality for me that I love in players like Sandra, Tony and Cirie, where they are not only amazing strategically but also have that entertainment factor. In summary, I have no qualms with this casting choice, but I’m going to have to wait until the season starts to know whether I’m going to root for her or not.

Lowkey not doing it for me:

12. SIERRA

I remember really liking Sierra in W*rlds Ap*rt until the moment she rejected Hali’s plan, then let herself get dragged behind the likes of D*n F*ley and W*ll S*ms. That was just sad. Her only moment of redemption was voting for Carolyn at FTC, but it was too little too late for me. I still really like Sierra as a person, but for me to sit here and start saying I think she’s a game changer in any way would be a complete load of shit. I don’t see why Carolyn wasn’t given her spot, but she wasn’t, so I hope Sierra can really prove herself this season as a strategic player, because at this point I wouldn’t give her that label.

13. CIERA

I’ve seen enough of Ciera. I understand why she’s a game changer, and as such I understand why she’s on the season, but I’m just tired of her. I think it’s because of her political views that I just haven’t been able to reconcile. I really liked her on Blood vs Water and she was pretty good during Cambodia, but every time I think about her I just start thinking about how she’s a Republican and I’m like okay................ . . . .. um.... I can’t. I’ll know that I’ll never root for Ciera over the top nine people on this list, but I don’t HATE her, so if she goes as hard as she did at the end of Blood vs. Water I think I’ll end up liking her more. I think my opinion is also based on the fact that I don’t see where her storyline could develop from here on the show. Anyways.. I like? Ciera? At least somewhat? So..I think she will at the least deliver some quality conspiracies on the show.

14. TAI

I like Tai but the only thing I remember about him is him loving a chicken and him being very wishy washy at the end of KR. I could see him going far again for sure, but not on his own strategic merit; I think he could easily become the goat of a stronger player ie at least 80% of this cast. I mean if that has to happen I hope it’s Sandra :)) but yeah...in general...I don’t think he was THAT popular to merit a spot on this season in spite of not really being that great of a player. I’m sure he’ll have some other cute moments with animals and nature and whatnot so I’m looking forward to those I guess?

15. OZZY

Ozzy is the lowest person on my rankings that I would consider to be a game changer. The reason why he’s this low in spite of that is because I think even though he has changed the game, the game hasn’t changed him. He’s played THREE TIMES before this and I still get the sense that he’s going to use the exact same strategy this season...yikes. In South Pacific, he was being more strategic I think..but that may just have been because he felt like the leader of his tribe, so the narrative of the season centred around his thoughts for the tribe and his influence on the tribe. Were his ideas actually strategically sound? Not really, even though I think it’s good that he recognized that physicality was his biggest asset so he took advantage of that (referring to him getting himself voted out to go win duels on redemption island). At least Ozzy has gained some self awareness over ten years? Maybe? I hope so for his sake.

Yikes:

16. JEFF

I’m sorry but how is he a game changer. I can’t fully speak to Jeff’s abilities because I still haven’t watched Australian Outback but based on his game in Cambodia, he was serving some hot mess teas. He did deliver some entertainment like him calling Abi out at the challenge (or getting called out by her I lowkey dont remember), so my best hope for him is that he delivers some more of those. I could see him aligning with Sandra, so if that happens he will almost definitely shoot up in my rankings. As of now though, I don’t have any expectations for him. He’s at least not loathsome and completely deluded.

17. DEBBIE

I’m over Debbie’s shtick. I feel like she’s going to get herself embarrassed by the players this season who are ACTUALLY strategic. I think the reason she’s on this season is supposed to be for entertainment value, and in a regular cast filled with slightly more boring people that’s fine, but this is game changers. Everyone here is entertaining in their own right and Debbie is just annoying to me. Honestly she’s only above Sarah because I feel like she won’t last long and therefore I’ll have to deal with seeing her less and get less annoyed. If she targets players that I don’t like, maybe I’ll starting warming up to her and she’ll rise in my rankings, but for now I’m not hype about her.

18. SARAH

Girl. Her dealing with the Kass situation that resulted in her voteout was one of the most embarrassingly bad displays of strategy - or LACK OF strategy rather - in a minute on Survivor. Sarah really doesn’t entertain me at all and my impression of her from Cagayan leads me to believe she will probably not be that strategically adept. I’m in disbelief that she was even cast, like...really??? CBS couldn’t find anyone either more strategic or more entertaining than Sarah? damn. The one moment I can remember liking her was in Morgan’s ponderosa video when they were putting on makeup together because ok that was cute but it had literally nothing to do with the game. I could see her going far which annoys me even more because I wouldn’t want her to stay in the game over anyone higher on this list, maybe just Debbie. I hope Sarah can get it together this season because I’m almost done with her and the season hasn’t even started.

Good riddance:

19. BRAD

Brad is totally a game changer! He invented getting his wig torn off by Candice Cody and Marissa Peterson!! KWEENT Bread <3 God I can’t believe he’s on this season. Based on the previews, they’re going to try to give him a redemption arc of some kind which I’m already over. The good part about him is that I can’t see him winning even if he gets to the final three, so as long as a smarter player that I like can get control over him, I can support him being on the season as a meat shield. If Brad does manage to at least fake some humility and become a better player, good for him I guess. I just know it’s highly unlikely I’m going to end up rooting for him unless he targets the very last person on this list.

20. CALEB

Bye. Bye. Literally bye. Whose dick is Caleb sucking at CBS to not only get on survivor the first time after being a complete embarrassment on BB, but get to return?? ON A GAME CHANGERS SEASON?????? Mike Skupin got airlifted first and he did it in a literal blaze of glory so Caleb...hunty..please explain how you changed anything. His interviews are even more cringeworthy, with him saying dumb shit like “I’m just happy I can return so I can be a warrior for my tribe” GIRL......B Y E GO HOME!!!! Maybe he’ll become an actual game changer if he gets medevaced twice. That’s the only hope I have for his legacy.

[ruby--wednesday]

summer palace feelings

I've been unpacking my thoughts about The Summer Palace, and ok yeah fandom reaction, this last while and the easiest way for me to figure things out is to write it down. I'm gonna preface this by stressing that I'm not claiming any other reaction or perspective is wrong, or I am some kinda fandom expert. It's just my feelings and they're a jumbled mess a lot of the time.  I'm not calling anyone out or looking to start ~discourse.

Under the cut are my thoughts on

bias

auguste's death

the talk

softness

laurent and the baths

one last thing (sex!)

Bias

Bias is normal. Every narrator has it. Every reader has it. Being biased does not make anyone unreliable.  I think it's up to everyone else to realise the truth. Like, if a Australian person says Oz is the best country in the world we know that's their bias speaking. (or America, or Russia or whatever) If Damen defends slaver in book 1, that's what's happening. When Laurent thinks in KR that Auguste would not be afraid if he was captured with Govart, that's what's happening.

Reader bias exists too.  We all have our kinks and our limits and our things that cause automatic sympathy. Like, if you're always uncomfortable with cheating in a story or, idk, use of certain language.  I can't abide tropes of flirty waitresses because I used to be a waitress for years. I am a total pacifist but I am Irish so I can always empathise with stories where people are trying to reclaim land.  It was easier for me to see why Akielos wanted Delpha back than it might be for other people. I hate war and violence, so I see everything that happened at Marlas as showing the horrors of war rather than which side was in the right. I'll root for the working class here above anyone with privelege. One of the things Laurent did that stuck with me, out of all his bad things, was when he didn't seem to make sure the stable boy got paid.

We have things that tick our boxes, too. It might be Laurent's sneakiness that works for you but that doesn't mean soft Laurent is less real.  I have a thing for seeing relationships that begin in unhealthy circumstances turn out be good because the people involved are good. That's why these books mean a lot to me.

So what's my point? I don't think Damen's unrelaliable. He's a character with his own way of looking at the world.  It was easy for us to see how his view on slavery was wrong, for example. We don't need to believe the text expects us to accept that he was right about killing Auguste or the circumstance. Imo, if Damen was unreliable he'd be like Humbert Humbert maintaining Laurent was into him when he clearly hated him in the baths. He'd be like Gen, withholding his identity as Damianos throughout the first book. Writers know what they're doing when they go with an unreliable. Pacat was making Damen realistically biased and the kind of person who does not think about the bad shit.

Something that always fascinates me as a reader, and when I write, is examing the ways characters remember things compared to what actually happened. I explored this in my fic Stargazers, as it feels relevant to CP canon.  How winners write history and men become myths and stories get twisted.  I have a hunch Pacat was touching on these themes when she had the Prince's Guard retell what Laurent did in the mountain without Damen's role, or how they say he ran his horse to death to beat Torveld to the mark. All the accounts of the war are different and murky and it's up to us as readers to realise that nothing people say can be taken as fact.

2.  Auguste's Death

I didn't expect Damen and Laurent to talk about him again in The Summer Palace but I don't have a problem with what we read.  As far as I can tell, there's not really anything new there. But Damen and Laurent are at a place, especially now that Kastor is dead and killed by Laurent, that they can be more detailed.

We know Kastor is a snake. But Laurent knows Damen loved his brother and he is hurt by him dying even if he was nothing like the good man Auguste was.

The brother for brother thing doesn't sit well with me since KR. (eg it was over; like a balance restored, the past put to rest.) but I get the symmetry of the circumstance. Is the same? No. But I think the text was trying to show it was the removing the final barrier between keeping Damen and Laurent unequal.

During Kastor and Laurent's swordfight, Damen relives what occurred between him and Auguste.  With the added conversation in TSP, we know that this actually isn't new information.

KR : A flurry of strikes. Damen remembered that feint from Marlas, and that sidestep and that particular set of parries.....he conjured him up now, half embodying his style as Kastor embodied Damen's, a fight between ghosts.

It was a simple misjudgement in Laurent's part...He wouldn't have misjudged if he wasn't tired. The same had been true for Auguste, fighting for hours at the front.

'No,” said Damen, who had lived this too.

Because Laurent wasn't Auguste. And the stumble wasn't a mistake, it was a feint

TSP : “You've never asked about it”

“You said it was quick.”

“It was.”

“He didn't let anyone else intervene. He thought it was fair, between princes. Single combat.”

“Yes.”

“He was tired. He'd been fighting for hours. But the man he fought wasn't. It was Kastor on the front at Marlas. Damianos has tayed behind to protect the King. He rode from behind the lines.”

“Yes.”

“He was honourable, and when he drew first blood, he gave Damianos time to recover. He wouldn't let anyone else intervene. He thought --”

“-he thought it was right. He stepped back and let me pick up my sword. I didn;t know what to do. It ahd been two years since anyone had disarmed me. When we fought again, he drove me back. I don't know why he cut to far to the left. It was the only mistake he made. I took the chance it wasn't a feint and when he couldn't draw himself back into postion, I killed him. I killed him.”

I feel like this is the same information told more explicitly.  We already knew Damen was fresh and Auguste had been fighting for hours.  Kastor was fresh and Laurent had been on trial for hours before their battle.  Battles are hard. War is awful. Someone will get the advantage one way or another.  

Damen repeatedly mentioned Auguste's honour, so the allowing him to retake his sword and not letting anyone else in is the thing that must have gave that impression. I'm also pretty sure Damen cut down Auguste's guard, the other best fighters in Vere, to get to him (not mentioned above but mentioned elsewhere I can't lay my hands on.)  The wound Auguste inflicted was serious enough to have real scarring years later. He allowed Damen to pick up his sword. It's not like he offered him a chance to yield there. That's not how wars work.

Also not mentioned in this discussion, that Akielos was receiving a Veretian herald to discuss the terms of surrender (? I might be off about the details here) when the Veretian army attacked.  This is completely contradictory to the Akielons approach to war. I'm inferring by the Regent's Charcy challenge that it's outside the norm for Vere too.  Damen being behind the lines make sense in that context.  The king and heirs staying back makes sense in general. (I have another hunch that the Regent encouraged Auguste to get into the fray but that's just me.)

So what's my point? Laurent was saying how Auguste died as he knew it. He repeats the thing thing about intervention, which leads me to believe this is a report he heard and clung to like he later clings to Damen saying it was quick.  Auguste died a hero. I believe the accounts of him being good.  But Damen wasn't going to say, well actually, when he got inside my guard he didn't need to run me through. Damen wants to honour Laurent and his brothers memory. He also has a much more matter of fact approach to war than most modern readers do. But none of this felt like new information to me.  It was Laurent wanting details, and being able to hear them from Damen now when he was never able to take them in before, and making peace with it, and continuing to accept that it was Damen here and Damen who did it (ala KR 12 it's me here with you.)

It was acknowledged all along that Damen's identity was, to Laurent, that he was the one who killed Auguste. Prince Killer. Being Damianos meant he was the worst person in the world to Laurent. We spent three books with Laurent learning to reconcile the man he knows now with the man who killed his brother. Damen never shied away from it and the fact of it was never denied. He already said 'I hurt you...” Neither characters are the type to apologise. They're the type to admit it and do better in future.

There's no point in looking for morals on a battlefield. The most you can hope for is following the rules of war and no cruelty.  I feel like the second anyone willingly enters a battle that's not about saving lives they're in the wrong.  I know plenty of people disagree.

3. The 'Talk’

There was some (understandable) expectation that Damen and Laurent would discuss his abuse by the Regent in TSP.

The first thing I tweeted when I read it was that I was really glad about one thing and what I meant was that they didn't discuss it.

That's not to say that I never want them to discuss. Or that Laurent shouldn't be able to discuss. Or that I don't understand why people, especially survivors of CSA like Laurent, wanted to see him be open about this huge, terrible thing that happened to him.

I also get people wanting Damen to acknowledge it, at least internally.

But I knew 30 pages wasn't enough

And from the first mention in KR, the summer palace was framed as a honeymoon vibe place

and I think damen does a really good job of not pushing laurent and being aware of his needs before he ever knew the reason for his discomfort.  Damen also does a good job of not thinking about hard things so it didn't surprise me he didn't think about it

Laurent repeatedly showed he did not want to talk about it. He went to lengths to conceal it. When Damen asked in KR was someone there for him when Auguste died, when he asked in PG had he done this before, Laurent's response every time was that he didn't want to talk about this part of his past.

So I think people (readers and his fictional partner) should respect this need for privacy and not push for discussion

I also have seen some strange, borderline fetishistic, reactions of readers about Laurent's abuse.  Like, dwelling on it to an uncomfortable degree. And as a fic writer, i've had some uncomfortable comments looking for details where I deliberately did not include details.  So I guess I might have a slightly different perspective on this than some other readers.

We know it happened. Damen knows now it happened. The very mention of the Regent in Damen's thoughts is loaded with the fact that it happened (like Damianos was to Laurent before.)  Laurent has lived with the awful fact of it for years. I think it's nice he had a chill few hours in the palace with his man.  I hope they talk about it some time when Laurent is comfortable and Damen can control his temper.  I hope Damen can acknowledge he missed the signs and can reframe the context of certain things Laurent said and did and also the wrongness of certain things he said and did.  Like coming on to Laurent in the baths was wrong and saying Laurent wanted his uncle to be obsessed with him (or something along the lines) and that he fucked like a virgin etc

Also, Laurent was talking about it throughout the series more than he or we or Damen know. It was sad and often a conditioned mindset but he was.  The things he said about Nicaise being able to manipulate adults. When he said his brother didn't have the taint that the rest of the family had. (He was led to believe he was complicit in what happened and the shame was its own form of abuse) The cruelty he flung at Aimeric. When he said they think he loves them. It has the outward semblance of love. At first. But it isn't love. It's...fetish. And the long pause before he agreed with Aimeric 'Like Aimeric.'

What's my point? I'm not surprised or disappointed. I would like to see it happen in the future and I think Pacat could do a good job with such a discussion. I also think so much of the trilogy is about Laurent overcoming abuse and not letting it define him and reclaiming his autonomy that I, personally, am not looking for an analysis. He won. He's alive and happy and able to have a healthy relationship and comfortable sex and that's more than enough for me.

4. The softness

Touched on above, but I have no complaints about the fluffiness. I loved Laurent with Damen inside his barriers. I am proud and happy he could do that.  I have no doubt his edge will be present with the rest of the world and we might see it again in the next stories. But I liked the soft kings in love and the lack of need for plots and schemes and power games.

I mean, I would have been ok with one last set of hijinks but i'm cool with the fluff

Also, I think Pacat said once the further L got from Arles  and the Regent the more free he became. The summer palace is about as far as you can get from arles without leaving the kingdoms. It's an indulgent break and they deserve it.

Laurent went from laced up in fancy clothes at all times to hapily walking around naked!

Basically, I'm they're feeling their looks can they live?

5. Laurent and the baths

straight up, I get it if you weren't comfortable with the references to slaves or someone being servile. If that's not your thing, i'm not trying to change your mind

but I think I read it differently to some people. Here's my thing : I see nothing humiliating about doing things by choice and looking after the person you love in one way or another.

Laurent was wearing the chiton before Damen arrived. Laurent initiated the baths and said 'let me attend you'. The follows from Laurent had known, when he hadn't known himself...

I'm thinking Laurent knew that Damen had healing to do from his enslavement and the way Laurent himself treated him. I actually kind of love that by this point Laurent knows him so well. I love how at the start of the books the reader could see Laurent better than Damen by the tidbits that were seeded in. By the end of KR, Damen knows him better than the reader. He was right about Laurent being barbed in public and in newly tender in private.

But I digress. Laurent initiated the whole bathing thing. Damen seemed to think it would happen in the traditional way with attendants and soaking together and Laurent taking on the role was a big thing

These two also tend to fall into playing roles of slave, master, pet etc to get to the root of their personal issues. They did it in PG a lot.  

Because Damen doesn't dwell on his suffering, and much of it was inflicted by our fave Laurent, and being captive is a harder thing to immediately relate to than bereavement and abuse, it's natural that readers don't always grasp the impact it had on him.  The baths in Ios triggered him. The memory of the atmosphere in Arles is tangled up in that. He's glad it feels different in this palace. Baths go hand in hand with suffering for Damen in his mind.  They are the starting point for three major things.

Laurent asks for instruction to act as a slave would have.  Damen says his name, giving him an out, and Laurent pursues it.  He has fun with it when he pours the water on himself.  He deliberately goes to his knees. Damen didn't ask or push.

In CP, Damen muses that kneeling for Laurent is worse humiliation than his other huge indignities. To me, that's why he says I knelt for you rather than you had me whipped or Govart would have raped me or anything else.  I don't think he was pushing for Laurent to kneel. He was acknowledging their shared, awful past.

It's about internal scars as much as external ones.  Damen getting the chance to talk about what happened. (remember how L said he was glad about these things that happened before. I do.)   I think this is the first time the direct hurt L inflicted is really open between them, rather than Damen's somewhat indirect hurt.

Mentioning the Regent here in Damen's thoughts shows some awareness of the magnitude of this act for Laurent. He knows and we knows what kneeling for him meant.

It comes back to choice again. This is all Laurent's free will.

For a slave it is, for a slave it means everything – is the thing said to make Laurent come when he was having difficulty in KR

And when Damen says it's not something one prince would do for another, we know that's not true. Damen would and has do it for him. He did it under duress in CP, which was wrong, but continued to do it and want to do it once they were on  equal footing.

This isn't Laurent's first time being servile. The ice.  Toweling him down after sex.  Pouring him water. It's a nice thing he does and there's a possibility, sure, that some of it is related to his own abuse but maybe not.  Ever since he spoke about being frightened, I wonder if I was wrongly attributing some of his behaviour.

These are actions not words people.  So softly acknowledging the scars, and the suffering, and then being sweet and romantic is so them.  

It made them happy! It was cathartic and freeing and cleansing!

6. One Last Thing

no lie, I would have liked to see damen bottom in TSP but I guess there wasn't the time or words and the scene at the inn is the closest we're gonna see in canon

but the sex! Can you believe we went from CP, where Laurent was cruel and used sex as a weapon, to PG “I...find it difficult to let go of control,”  to KR 'He felt the repression when it came, the hard restraint Laurent exerted over his own body, his stomach clenching, his muscle moving in his jaw. He knew what it signaled' and '”I'll get --” Laurent detached himself...with the same stiff awkwardness Laurent lay down next to him.

In The Summer Palace  -  “He turned Laurent so that he was belly to the wall and kissed his neck from behind..... “Damen, I--” “Really?”.....Caught up in the way that Laurent's skin responded to him, he had missed the quickening pulse, the subtle signs of a body's approach to the brink.” And “For once, Laurent did not immediately leap up to clean himself off, but stayed....

If that's not what we read these books for I don't know what is

[art-angels]

Artist Interview—Knowledge Bennett’s Use of History and Appropriation

Los Angeles-based artist Knowledge Bennett is a West Coast transplant, originally from New Jersey. Bennett’s work deftly blends numerous references from Pop and Street Art, with contemporary and historical imagery—creating an aesthetic all his own. In conjunction with our second iteration of “Street Art Now” with Julien’s Auctions, we had the chance to speak with Bennett about his process, influences, and the rapidly changing Los Angeles art scene that he is right in the middle of. 

Artsy: What is your process for selecting the figures to feature, and what kind of interventions do you make on the image? How does the appropriating, re-contextualizing, and repeating of images inform your work?

Knowledge Bennett: History plays a major role in selecting characters for my work. Whether it’s world history, American history, Black history, etc. there’s pretty much always some sort of historical imagery present to better help me convey my message. My process is one of deconstructing then reconstructing imagery to take something historical and make it contemporary. The appropriation of pre-existing imagery helps to start at a point of familiarity for not only myself but also the observer. It’s serves only as an aesthetic to draw the people in, in order to have the conversation I’m attempting to have at that moment. The repetitious nature of my works serves several purposes. One, it speaks to the production method as far as the silk-screening process. Two, repetition is the mother of all studies—it helps us humans (creatures of habit) to remember things because they’re being branded into our psyche. Three, it speaks to the intent and purposeful act of what it is that I’m saying. It’s an unapologetic way of saying “I say what I mean therefore I mean what I say”.

A: As an artist whose work blends the formal qualities and imagery of Pop and Street Art, does one better describe your own practice? Do you see much of a difference between the two?

KB: There’s a constant comparison of the two when it comes to Pop and Street. I’ve always approached my work with the intent of speaking from a Pop perspective. Personally, I’d like to think Pop Art is art with a message just using familiar pre-existing popular imagery to convey such a message. Historically, Pop Art has been about statements, which were kind of a reaction to what was already going on within society. And these statements lend a hand in helping others who may not quite grasp what’s going on, to later understand.

To my knowledge Pop Art was never something done that had the “criminal element” attached to it. Whereas street art in it’s beginning stages had such an element that was carried over from the graffiti movement. You see, Pop Art was something that was more closely related to the world of fine art whereas street art was more of an outsider’s art.

Now where I think most get it confused is where to draw the line between a street artist and a muralist. Historically, one might have been commissioned (muralist) whereas the other was more of an outlaw (street artist). Throughout my career thus far I’ve found myself on both sides of the coin, but not enough to claim either one of these methods of expression, so for now I relate myself and what I do to Pop Art. That’s all.

A: Beyond your references to Andy Warhol’s subjects, colors, and printing techniques, is there something else about his work that influences your own?

KB: When people first look at my work the first thing that comes to mind is Andy and the work he produced primarily throughout his career as a painter. I source a lot of my materials from the same sources Andy did. Yet what I’m actually saying is quite different simply because my relationship to such material is different than Andy’s was.

For instance, Andy used a publicity still of Elvis as a Cowboy brandishing a gun. This image was sourced from the 1960 film Flaming Star. It’s been said, that for Andy, the purpose behind painting such an image was pretty much solely due to his love affair with Hollywood and it’s celebrity culture. While me on the other hand, I deconstructed then reconstructed the very same publicity still for the purpose of painting a portrait of America. To be frank, my painting has more to do with America as a egocentric multi-racial society whose love affair with guns has all but made the Natives disappear than it does celebrity culture. Now it goes without saying that Andy’s work has influenced mine yet not in the way most people think.

A: Can you tell us a bit more about your “Cojones” series, which Cojones, John Lennon is part of? What about this provocative gesture, and the interchanging of prominent figures’ faces inspired you?

KB: As I said before my work is rooted first in history. This series began first with the Obama character and eight Hip Hop Characters (Biggie, Nas, Jay Z, Tupac, Eazy-E, Snoop Dogg, Kanye West and Puff Daddy (Diddy)). The original photo was one taken from one of my favorite childhood rappers (Slick Rick). Music Industry photographer Janette Beckman captured the original photograph. My initial intent was to speak to hip-hop and its long-standing relationship with politics. As a child most of what I learned about politics and the political process came through the music that I was listening to. Artists such as Public Enemy, KRS-ONE, Rakim, Big Daddy Kane, along with Slick Rick, were instrumental in conveying certain subject matters that would act as a conduit in connecting inner city youth with the political landscape that was directly and/or indirectly affecting the very lives we led. I can recall as I got older and better understood just what these rap artist had done I had an even greater respect for them and their courage to inform the people in such a way.

Now being a student of history, this caused me to look at some of the other artists and public figures that have stood up and used their platform for similar endeavors. This led me to Jimmy Hendrix, John Lennon, Michael Jackson, Prince, etc. So what started out as an homage to Hip Hop and the courage exhibited within such an art form became something even more encompassing including various ballsy individuals and a few who may not have come into their own just yet, but I predict one day will. And that’s how “Cojones” was born.

A: With a studio located in rapidly changing Downtown Los Angeles, what changes are you seeing to the art scene? How is the formation of this new arts-focused neighborhood shaping the broader Los Angeles cultural landscape?

KB: Listen, right off the bat, let me just start out by saying Los Angeles is where it’s at right now. I will always love New York but it just wasn’t in the cards for me to remain there and seek to take my career to the next level. Although L.A. is no stranger to the world of art and all things creative, I think we can all agree that something really special is taking place right here, right now. There’s an intense focus on growing this market and making it one of the premier locations for the world of Fine Art. One thing New York has that L.A. doesn’t is a close proximity to the European markets.

Aside from that you can’t beat the weather here in L.A. Also, some of the new galleries and museums being built Downtown alone are creating a level of excitement centered around the arts that I’m not sure has ever existed on such scale before in L.A. I’m seeing a lot of creatives relocating here simply because the quality of living is viewed as much better. New York is indeed the concrete jungle and those of us who have had the pleasure of experiencing that first hand can appreciate L.A. and all it has to offer.

A: Where in Los Angeles do you go to discover Street Art or contemporary art more broadly? Who are some other L.A.-based artists that we should be following?

KB: I’m not someone who necessarily seeks out street art—I’ve always rather liked simply stumbling upon street art and being pleasantly surprised. Since L.A. has its fair share of it from some pretty amazing artists, I’m seldom disappointed. On the other hand, when it comes to public institutions I find myself frequenting the giants such as MOCA, LACMA, The Getty, The Hammer, and the newest addition, The Broad located Downtown.

There’s a fairly new museum (at least new to me) named The Underground Museum. It’s nestled in an often forgotten part of town and is a true diamond in the ruff. A friend of mine introduced me to this museum and I fell in love with it. They have a very unique partnership with MOCA which allows them to bring in some blue chip works of art to a community that would probably otherwise never have the opportunity to witness firsthand the genius of such artist and works. My hat is off to The Underground Museum and MOCA for getting it all the way right.

Now let’s talk about other L.A.-based artists. A creative colleague of mine as well as a great friend is an artist known as The Producer BDB (Bryan Avila). He entered into the L.A. art scene shortly after myself and both he and I have been a constant source of inspiration and motivation to one another.

There are two other artists who are on my radar and whose work I personally collect. These artist have been really quiet when it comes to being on the scene but mark my words in about six months to one year you’ll begin to hear a lot about them. Funny thing is both of their names are Michael. One being Michael Labua, who’s now in the process of completing his transition from NY to L.A., and Michael Callas, who’s based here in Koreatown just above Downtown. Both of these guys are amazing at what they do and I predict will have long standing careers in the world of Fine Art. In addition, I collect work by Cleon Peterson.

I’ve come to know each of these artists personally, and I think that they are extremely smart and hardworking individuals who are in it for all the right reasons—namely for the love of it. For that reason I wanted to have at least one piece of their genius to hold on to.