#kristi gnome

[webntrmpt]

We would try to bite too

[beauty-funny-trippy]

#Gov. Kristi Noem, #gnome

[angelx1992]

[normalaboutbcs]

[rachelillustrates]

Gnomevember 2023, one

("Tock the Gnome" Bard Bonus)

*switches gears like cranking the lever of a railway switch*

Here we go, dear followers!!

The lovely Kristi Leigh G. DiSalle (of @kristileighgillustration on instagram) has put together a very promising prompt list for us:

So I’ll be going with that, aaaaaaaand with the backup option of doing a general vibe check for “Tock the Gnome” – keeping it Faerie, too, as usual, but making sure I’m on the right track there and using that thought-direction as a space to go into, if I need to take a step back from prompts. I am proud of having gotten Orctober done, but it was definitely a challenge this year, and I recognize that I may hit a point where I have to just draw what comes out, in that vagueocity, to get anything on paper at all if things get tight again.

That said, I am so grateful for this direction!! And for the ability to take anything as lightly or seriously as I need to, one day at a time.

And I must say, I am stoked at how well “Leaves” turned out, above. To the point that this is going to be our “Tock the Gnome” Bard Bonus piece for November! All Bard patrons within domestic shipping distance will be getting this as a print in the mail soon (high res. file to anyone international, for self-printing) – their choice of light mode or dark mode – as will any NEW patrons at that level, now through November 30th. Signup details here. (And don’t forget, both September’s Bard Bonus and October’s Bard Bonus are still available, for anyone who pledges before November 15th.)

Hope you’re all as excited as I am!! Let’s get cozy and earthy, everybody 🍄

~

Bonus art and stories ~ Prints, comics and more!

[wildbeautifuldamned]

Slavic Treasures Santa Gnome w Peach Christmas Glass Ornament Signed Lewis NWT ebay Kristys Kollectibles

[rmonti55]

So the false orange idol has to pretend he’s “disgusted” by the garden gnome to appease the maga morons, but, at the end of a long hard day in court he goes back to his 30,000 sf apartment and wanks his limp little dick thinking bout miss kristi pulling that trigger.

[williamwhiting-artist]

The name “Kristy Gnome” is going to stick. Your political career is over. Seek professional help immediately!

[aloneinstitute]

The Gnomes from Kristy's Craft Room store. I love how they turned out. I have a gnome tree that I put up every year. They will make a great addition to it

[aesoth]

[fuckyeaharthuriana]

Update to the list of arthurian books, now there are 668 books

I finally updated the whole list of arthurian books! While I am pretty confident of part 1, part 2 and part 3, the new part 4 is... a tentative list, because nowadays everyone can publish anything.

THE ENTIRE LIST IS HERE

PART 4 (the new one) is now here

the rest of the update is under the cut

1954 - Half Magic (Edward Eager) [gr] 1967 - Page Boy of Camelot (Eugenia Stone) [gr] 1976 - A World Called Camelot (Arthur H. Landis) [gr] 1979 - Gawain and the Green Knight: Adventure at Camelot (Y. R. Ponsor) [gr] 1981 - Three Romances: Love Stories from Camelot Retold (Winifred Rosen) [gr] 1982 - Bride of the Spear (Kathleen Herbert) [gr] 1995 - The Sword of Camelot (Gilbert L. Morris) [gr] 1998 - Fang the Gnome (Michael G. Coney) [gr] 1998 - [1-4] Macsen's Treasure (Kathleen Cunningham Guler) [gr] 1998 - Quest for Camelot: Digest Novelization (Gardner, Vera Chapman) [gr] 1999 - The Lovers: The Legend of Trystan and Yseult (Kate Hawks) [gr] 1999 - [1-5] Merlin's Descendants (Irene Radford) [gr] 2007 - [1-10] Sir Gadabout (Martyn Beardsley) [gr] 2008 - Arthur and Guen: An Original Tale of Young Camelot (Koons, Igor Oleynikov) [gr] 2009 - [P] The Quest of Merlin (Richard Hovey) [gr] 2009 - Carnal Camelot (Anny Cook) [gr] 2009 - [AU] Two Knights in Camelot (Charlene Teglia) [gr] 2010 - [P] The Marriage of Guinevere (Richard Hovey) [gr] 2010 - [1-2] [AU] Shades series (Carol Oates) [gr] 2011 - [AU] King Arthur and the Dragon of Camelot (Frances Collier-Iovell) [gr] 2011 - [AU] A Hard Day's Knight (Simon R. Green) [gr] 2011 - Vampires of Camelot (Joanne Padgett) [gr] 2011 - Romance at Camelot (Mervyn Whittaker) [gr] 2011 - The Other Side Of The Mist (Kristi Lavery) [gr] 2012 - [1-5] Camelot Prophecies Series (Lady Antiva) [gr] 2012 - Arturius - A Quest For Camelot (David F. Carroll) [gr] 2012 - Shard of Galahad: The Camelot Prophecies (Lady Antiva) [gr] 2012 - Full Moon Over Camelot (Edward G. Talbot) [gr] 2013 - [1-3] New Camelot Series (Torie N. James) [gr] 2013 - The Crownless King (Phil Williams) [gr] 2013 - A Visit to the Kingdom of Camelot (R. L. Greenwood) [gr] 2013 - The Fearless Coward (Phil Williams) [gr] 2013 - Erotic Nights of Camelot (Lana Swallows) [gr] 2013 - Christmas in Camelot (Brenda Jernigan) [gr] 2013 - Mordred (Justine Niogret) [gr] 2013 - Countdown to Camelot (Bruce S. Hart III) [gr] 2013 - The Shadow of Camelot (Wendy Leighton-Porter) [gr] 2013 - The Werewolf of Camelot (Peter Joseph Swanson) [gr] 2014 - [1-3] [AU] Forever Camelot (J. Lynn McCoy) [gr] 2014 - Camelot Shadow (Sean Gibson) [gr]   2014 - The Prince of Camelot (Napoli St. Croix) [gr] 2014 - [AU] The Keepers of Camelot (Cheryl Pierson) [gr] 2014 - [AU] Time and Again: The Round Table Reincarnated (Jeremy Hone, Aadland) [gr] 2014 - [AU] The Quest for Camelot (Angela Schroeder) [gr] 2014 - [1-4] Legendary Saga (L. H. Nicole) [gr] 2014 - [1-3] [AU] Albion's Circle (Jessica Jarman) [gr] 2014 - The Robed Pretender of Mordred Castle (Fred La Lone) [gr] 2015 - Camelot's Enchantress Book One: The Blacksmith (Alexandria St. Claire) [gr] 2015 - Murder Comes to Camelot (Tim Ellis) [gr] 2015 - [AU] Blind Devotion: The curse of Camelot (McKendrick) [gr] 2015 - King Arthur - A Pantomime Adventure in Camelot (Paul Reakes) [gr] 2016 - Finding Camelot (Arthur - The Story of a King, #1) (C. G. Rucker) [gr] 2016 - [1-5] [AU] New Camelot (Sierra Simone) [gr] 2016 - [1-4] Britannia Series (Ana Alonso, Pelegrin) [gr] 2016 - [1-2] Camelot Returns (Heather Cimino) [gr] 2016 - Morgawse (Lavinia Collins) [gr] 2016 - The Once and Future Camelot (Felicity Pulman) [gr] 2016 - [AU] Once Upon a Time in Camelot (James Patrick Hunt) [gr]

[blues-sevenfold]

CBS Metaverse: Greater Kaldheim Bloc Realms

Further detail on the following realms will probably be detailed about a month from now. This post will give the basic rundown of the realms.

Kaldheim: The centre of the Greater Kaldheim Bloc. Native species include: humans, polar bears (pastel in colour), grizzly bears (neon in colour), arctic hares (pastel in colour), arctic foxes, arctic wolves, other large arctic dogs, deer/antelope (bucks have branched antlers, while does have two long horns), arctic terns (pastel in colour), penguins (pastel in colour), and snowy owls.

Istfell: Afterlife realm. About 45% of those from the Greater Kaldheim Bloc that don’t go to Starnheim go here upon death. They can continue to earn mana points to earn access to Starnheim. In addition, they can continue to produce offspring and age until about 60 years. Those older than 60 get aged down to that year. About 2.5% of people from other MtG realms also immigrate here upon death.

Karfell: Dream realm. Like Nyx, deities reside in this realm. Unlike Nyx, dream clones do not exist in this realm. About 50% of denizens from the other Bloc realms, and 5% of denizens from other MtG realm enter this realm when they dream. About 0.5% percent of denizens from other MtG realms are both Nyx dreamers and Karfell dreamers. Also, 1% of those from the Greater Kaldheim Bloc have dream weaving abilities - and they move here upon “death”.

Immersturm: Afterlife realm. Home of the demons. This realm combines both Halloween aesthetics and Christmas aesthetics. About 45% of those from the Greater Kaldheim Bloc that don’t go to Starnheim go here upon death - and they become ghost, skeletons, or vampires. There are humans native to this realm, as well. Reapers reside here, as well. Other species include: bats, ravens, owls, black cats, werewolves, lemurs, pumpkin gnomes, wolves and other large canines - in addition to polar bears (pastel in colour), grizzly bears (neon in colour), arctic hares (pastel in colour), deer/antelope (bucks have branched antlers, while does have two long horns), arctic terns (pastel in colour), and penguins (pastel in colour).

Gnottvold: Home of the trolls, mother grubs, and lusus species. Humans do also live here, and all are super-powered to place them on an equal level with trolls. Also native are polar bears (pastel in colour), grizzly bears (neon in colour), arctic hares (pastel in colour), deer/antelope (bucks have branched antlers, while does have two long horns), arctic terns (pastel in colour), penguins (pastel in colour), and snowy owls.

Bretagard: Winter version of Kaladesh. Home of the humanoids and talking cats. Arctic terns, snowy owls, and other winter birds are also sapient and reside here.

Starnheim: Afterlife realm. About 95% of children under the age of 10 and older denizens with a certain number of mana points from other realms in the Greater Kaldheim Bloc go here upon death. Other denizens of the Greater Kaldheim Bloc are blocked from entering this realm via the Shandalar Carnival, Mercadia Bazaar, Ergamon Cruise Ships, Iquatana Portals, with a realm walker, or any of the other methods that enable travel between the MtG realms. Denizens of the other 90 MtG realms can freely enter here for a week at a time. Always day. In the other Greater Kaldheim Bloc realms, The Hall of Valkyries lights up on one side of the realm. It is bright golden during the daylight hours, and azure during the nighttime. About 0.5 of people from other MtG realms also immigrate here upon death.

Surtland: Winter version of Regatha. Home of the fire creatures and the ice creatures, which include: fire ravens & ice doves, ifrit & djinn, flamies (flame creatures) & kristies (water drop crystal creatures), fireballs & snowballs, fieries (fire mist creatures) & eisies (ice/water mist creatures), fire foxes & ice foxes, fire sallies (salamanders) & ice sallies (salamanders). Greyscale humans reside here, as here. Also included are: polar bears (pastel in colour), grizzly bears (neon in colour), arctic hares (pastel in colour), deer/antelope (bucks have branched antlers, while does have two long horns), arctic terns (pastel in colour), penguins (pastel in colour), and snowy owls. *Not* included are: earthies, sylphs, elves*, goblins, or jellyfish.

Skemfar: Home of elves, goblins, leprechauns, fire devils, and ice devils. While this is the origin realm of kristelves, kristelves can easily access all the other realms of the Greater Kaldheim Bloc (including Starnheim!) - and are fertile in each of the realms. They are, however, sterile in the other 90 MtG realms. Also included are: carapacians, leprids, rubids, crymps, drazils (humanoid lizards), and dragons. Technicoloured humans are native here, as well - along with polar bears (pastel in colour), grizzly bears (neon in colour), arctic hares (pastel in colour), deer/antelope (bucks have branched antlers, while does have two long horns), arctic terns (pastel in colour), penguins (pastel in colour), and snowy owls.

Axgard: Winter version of Jund. Sapient beings include: humans, drazils (humanoid lizards), dragons, polar bears (pastel in colour), grizzly bears (neon in colour), arctic hares (pastel in colour), deer/antelope (bucks have branched antlers, while does have two long horns), arctic terns (pastel in colour), penguins (pastel in colour), and snowy owls.

Littjara: Species native to this realm can easily access all the other realms of the Greater Kaldheim Bloc (including Starnheim!). However, they are sterile in all other realms - being fertile in Littjara only. All of the species are noted for their kaleidoscope eyes. Human that are native here also have kaleidoscope eyes with natural skin tones.

* All eleven realms have a significant population of kristelves (All have neon-coloured skin, and most of the them have one ruby eye and one sapphire eye. All blue elves, all red elves, and 10% of the rest [but no green elves] have emerald eyes. They also have hair of bright colours spanning the rainbow.), although they technically originated from Skemfar.

A five-kilometre chunk of Kaldheim proper is enclosed within a red-and-green fog, and denizens of the other realms that comprise the Greater Kaldheim Bloc are all able to meet in this region. This region contains luxurious hotels for the visitors to spend the first night.

ETA 1/12/2021: Decided to make Immersturm an afterlife realm, after all. Also added dream weavers to Karfell.

[angelx1992]

[unabashedwriterandreader]

Morning Coffee

“Jezus Kre-ISTE”  I hate serving gnomes.”

Kristi was muttering over the espresso machine again.  Her dreads were covered today, that was saying something.  Usually I had to make her bag it in a plastic hair net and even then the Health Department wouldn’t have liked it.  Still, it was hard to find good help, or any help for that matter this close to the Industrial Parks where all manner of fae, gnomes, gorgons, dwarves orcs and even demons worked.

“We live to serve.”  I pushed a stack of bourbon glazed cinnamon rolls into the display case, inhaling deep.  Sam, our resident Satyr and full time pastry chef had the touch.  Those rolls wouldn’t last two hours.  My mind was calculating price.  It was all supply and demand it was time to start pushing things up.  The shop needed the cash.

 There was a gargoyle that came in every morning at 10:00 and bought half of a tray for his breakfast.  He was a nice guy but he tended to drop the temperature in the room at least 10 degrees.  I had nicknamed him Chilly but wouldn’t have told him.  Nice is as nice does but you don’t want to piss off a gargoyle.  There were stories of people being smuggled out of their beds at night and a pattern of dusty rock footprints left after the body napping.  I think his name was Mason or  Marble or something like that.  Chilly was easier to remember.

“He brings in his own mug and makes me wash it.  Because he wants it sparkly when he drinks his morning Chai.  Seriously.”  Kristi, still complaining.

I reached over and snatched the mug.  It was actually a goblet, some kind of hammered metal with what looked like a giant ruby in the center.  I washed it quickly and was turning it over to examine it while I dried when the gnome piped up.

“Careful with the goods there Human.”  I smiled over the counter an looked down.  Fully bearded with the traditional red cap lagging to one side, the customer was very short and obviously grumpy.

“Beautiful workmanship on this.  One second and we’ll have it ready for you.”  I increased the wattage on my smile while Kristi poured the Chai into the gnomes go cup.  Or go goblet.  The gnome narrowed his eyes but the right side of his lip curled under the massive white beard.  Gnomes were easy, admire their craftsmanship and you were home free.  Cousins to the dwarves, although you weren’t supposed to point that out, they were skilled craftsmen with all manor of metal and swords.  They also made great landscapers but preferred their own design to keeping customers happy.  A tough sell in suburbia but a few of them survived.

“Have a great day!” Kristi received an extra buck on the tip for that but I noticed lately I was the only one playing nice with the customers.  Didn’t matter, I needed to keep her.  Even part time this shop didn’t run it’self.  We did well until after the lunch rush but for all intents and purposes we were a bakery and after 2:00 business was done for the day.  

Lately I’d worked myself into exhaustion.  Getting up at 4:30 to get the dough started and prepping for whatever meager servings we’d have for lunch.    I was going to have to cut the menu to one offering and hope the customers didn’t take it to hard.  THey’d have to placate themselves with pastry because I was running on fumes even with Sam doing everything he could to help me.

“I am NOT waiting on that Volva anymore either.  She smells bad.”

I sighed.  It was going to be one of those kinds of days and I was already tired.  “It’s not her fault she’s been dead over 500 years, that’s just the way volvas are made.”  I, personally, liked Karen even if she was mildly odiferous.  Personally, I thought the pixies were worse because they always broke something before they left what with all the racing around and chasing after each other.  

Kristi began to pout and tug at her dreads under her doo rag.  THey probably itched.

“Good morning ladies, any chance of getting a hot chocolate to go?  Extra whipped cream?”  The voice was so deep the glass in the display case began to rattle.  I turned and looked up into the glowing red eyes of Nick, a demon and a regular.

Nick scared the hell out of Kristi so she hustled back to the kitchen to hide.

“What else can I get for you Nick?”

“Mixie, I’ve told you before, don’t make offers to the underdwellers.  Some day I’m going to tell you what I want and you, my dearest human, will run screaming from the room.”

“You can’t have my soul Nick, I owe it to the landlord here and the bakery so it’s already taken.  And I”m maxed out on my credit cards so unless you want a pair of heavily used nike’s or my grandmother’s grocery store china, I got nothin’.”  I smiled at him and handed over the hot chocolate.

Nick, who was seriously good looking in that red skinned demon fashion, flashed fang at me and growled.  “Your soul is a pure as the driven snow Mixie and I would love to spend some time ruining it for you.  Face it.  You’d love it.”

I swiped Nick’s credit card and gave it back, still smiling.  “Not today Demon Spawn, not today.”

We had this conversation regularly.  And while Nick was ever so tempting, he was just that.  A Demon, so therefore, tempting.

By the lunch rush hour Kristi had gone home ‘sick’ with a case of the “I can’t wait on orcs, they stare at me like I’m fresh meat.” and I had to make do.

By 5:00 I was dead on my feet and the shop was wrapped up for the evening.  I walked up the stairs wearily to my loft over the bakery glad, once again, for the short commute.  I was asleep on the sofa 30 minutes later still smelling slightly of flour and espresso splatter since I’d made most of the drinks that day.

The phone woke me at 7:00 and I crawled to it trying to kick both shoes off and wriggle out of my filthy jeans knowing I needed a shower and something real to eat before I headed to bed.  At 8:00.  Like a good little human.  Ugh.

[chris-hansen-the-pedoslayer]

If Krisit Noem is elected governor of South Dakota Im going to cry. Mike Pence, Trump's foot stool, is campaigning for her so you know you automatically know you can't trust her. She's made a YouTube ad calling illegal immigrants "criminals" and claiming "they'll destroy our communities". This is fucking Trump level. She also says in one of her ads she raised some tax or whatever but that's not the point. She also claims she helped lower the number of crimes or violence against women and child, which is bullshit.

I emailed her about the school shootings going on, this was also about maybe a week or two after my boyfriend's school was shot up so of course I was especially emotional, and she gave a bullshit response. It was just she copied and pasted a response and didn't actually fucking care. So no, I highly doubt you did actually help with the violence against women and children, you fucking gnome. You might have put billboards up, but what else?

Yea, I don't know what Sutton's like, I haven't had the chance to actually meet or talk to him yet. But you damn well know I will.

I also wanna say Micheal Saba, he's running for House of Representatives, is such an amazing man. He's been my substitute teacher for years, everytime we discuss issues concerning South Dakota when we meet. HE IS ALSO AN LGBTQIA+ ALLY AND WANTS TO HELP PASS MORE LGBTQIA+ FRIENDLY LAWS. Saba is such a sweet old man! We, the student body, call him "our very own Morrie from Tuesdays with Morrie" and my personal favorite "Grand Wizard". He's met every president since, I can't remember but he's met a lot! Saba told my English class that he thinks Trump is an arrogant jerk or something like that. He's even escaped Saddam Hussen! And yes, he even worked with the Saudi Arabian journalist that was murdered. I also wanna say, if you have anything negative to say about this man, I'll block you. He's like a grandfather to me.

Tldr: Kristi Noem is a gnome. Billie Sutton is just the lesser evil and seems like a good guy, let's hope he stays that way. Micheal Saba is the sweetest man you'll ever meet!

Please, I'm just venting instead of doing algebra homework so don't get butthurt about my views.