#kris’ angelina is so so so wonderful…

[horrorknife]

adam is the only person who will match hoffman’s freak on ipa. he’s accustomed to drinking awful piss-tier booze and so he genuinely enjoys ipa. hoffman introduces him to it shortly after they meet thinking he’ll go EEEEWWW and he ends up actually being like whoa this is good actually? it has a really interesting flavor :-) and hoffman is sitting there like Oh My God I Can’t Not Keep You Forever

[skinnyducky]

sweetener // v.h.

a/n this is a short one, but i needed a break from working on party at y/n’s and i was listening to ariana and this came to mind. hope you enjoy !

vinnie hacker x fem!reader

Word Count: 806, slightly edited

WARNING: nothing really, just fluff

--------

With his back against the wall, Vinnie eyed the various high-profile figures dressed in fancy suits and designer dresses. Seeing them all chatting amongst themselves, going on tangents about their champagne problems, made him wonder why he even bothered coming to this event. He felt so alienated, so out of place with the rest. He was just a kid from Seattle who got big on the internet. Not some actor or a world-renowned singer. He couldn’t help but feel as if he didn’t belong here.

"I knew I should’ve stayed home," Vinnie huffed. "What the hell am I doing here?"

"I ask myself the same question." Said a voice. Vinnie glanced to his right, finding a girl with a camera standing alongside him. She snapped a couple of photos before glancing over at the boy. "I come to these things every time and they’re always the same…awful."

After taking one last picture, she brought her camera to her side and held her hand out. "Y/n, nice to meet you." She smiled. Vinnie returned the expression and shook her hand.

"Vinnie."

"So, what brings you here? You a model or something? Wait, don’t tell me you’re in one of those seven-member boy bands."

Vinnie laughed and shook his head. "No, no. I’m, uh, no one important."

"Please," Y/n scoffed and slapped him on the shoulder. "We’re in a room with Angelina Jolie and two feet away from Kris Jenner, who’s awkwardly doing the Dougie. You’ve got to be someone important if you’re here."

As much as Vinnie wanted to disagree, Y/n was right. He was invited to come here after all. Maybe he did belong here. "I’m just a guy who makes thirst traps on TikTok." He replied, rubbing the back of his head. He anticipated Y/n walking away right then and there, but instead, she just laughed…which he didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Hm, that’s interesting." She said, wiping a stray tear. "I’m guessing you’re pretty damn good at it if you’re here."

"Thanks, I try."

"With that bone structure, I’m surprised you even have to. You’ve got a jawline for days, babe."

For the first time that night, Vinnie found himself smiling. Not only that, but his stomach was twirling as Y/n showered him with compliments. Whatever this girl was doing to him, he didn’t want it to stop. "What about you? You a popstar? Upcoming actress?"

She waved her camera in the air. "Nope, I’m a photographer for Vogue. Well, not really. I’m just a college intern."

"That’s pretty dope. You’ve always been into photography."

Y/n nodded. "Ever since I could hold a camera. It’s always been a passion of mine, y’know? To capture a single moment, a feeling, a whole story in just one photo…it’s so beautiful to me."

With just those words, Vinnie found himself falling in love. There was something about Y/n that made his heart swell and beat out of his chest. He didn’t know if it was her charisma, her ambition, or the fact that she was wearing jeans to a high-class event. Whatever it was, it struck him like lightning. He didn’t know what he did for the universe to have his back like this, but he was glad it brought Y/n to him.

The two spent the entire night clinging to the wall, talking about their lives, their shared love for felines—and even scheduling a play date for their cats—and enjoying each other’s company. Eventually, Y/n had to leave to do her job. But before she left, she turned to Vinnie. "Can I take a picture of you?’

He laughed, staring at her in confusion. "Why? I don’t think Vogue would want me on their website."

"It’s not for Vogue. It’s for me." She answered. "I come to these events on a weekly basis, Vinnie. I met and interacted with so many celebrities that I’ve dreamed of working with. And out of all of them, you’re the most special person I’ve ever come across. So, if I may, I would like to capture this moment."

If it weren’t for the lack of light in the room, Vinnie was sure Y/n would see his flushed cheeks. No one had ever made him feel this good, and yet this girl just so happened to come along and make him the happiest person on earth. "Uhm, yeah. Yeah, of course." He said, trying to hide his smile.

"Alright, now just stand there and do what you do best." Y/n took a few pictures of Vinnie, showing him doing a mix of serious and silly poses. After the girl scrolled through and checked all the pictures, she looked up at Vinnie. "Thank you, I really appreciated this."

"No, thank you." Vinnie returned.

"For what?"

"For making this the sweetest night of my life."

[tabloidtoc]

Us, February 1

You can now buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Brad Pitt’s Baby Drama -- is ex Nicole Poturalski pregnant? 

Page 2: Red Carpet -- Kaitlyn Dever 

Page 4: Who Wore It Best? Lili Reinhart vs. Lily Collins

Page 6: Loose Talk -- Stephen Colletti on his viral reunion with ex-girlfriend and former Laguna Beach costar Kristin Cavallari last year, Kyra Sedgwick on husband Kevin Bacon giving her a bikini wax, Priyanka Chopra Jonas’ response when asked how many children she wants with husband Nick Jonas, Jessica Simpson on kids Maxwell and Ace and Birdie whom she shares with Eric Johnson, Rob Lowe on finally spotting his very reclusive new neighbor Prince Harry 

Page 8: Contents 

Page 10: Hot Pics -- Michael B. Jordan and Lori Harvey enjoyed a romantic getaway together in St. Barts 

Page 11: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt splashed around the ocean with their son Gunner in Carpinteria in California, Miley Cyrus and stylist pal Bradley Kenneth McPeek spent their evening at the beach watching the sunset in Malibu, Selma Blair went on a coffee run in L.A. 

Page 12: Josephine Skriver shot a commercial for Maybelline with a pretty bouquet in NYC, Vanessa Lachey wrapped up a Hot Tools Volumizer before gifting to a pal 

Page 13: Katie Holmes wore an all-denim ensemble while out and about with beau Emilio Vitolo Jr. in NYC 

Page 16: Padma Lakshmi stunned in a white dress at the Gotham Awards in NYC, G-Eazy shared a laugh with a female costar while filming a music video in Pasadena, Brian Austin Green and Sharma Burgess kiss in Hawaii 

Page 18: New Year, New Hair -- celebs are already changing up their ‘dos in 2021 -- Demi Lovato ditched her signature dark hair for a pink pixie cut, Tom Hanks called his bald look for the upcoming Elvis Presley biopic horrible, Kate Hudson with rose gold tresses, Taraji P. Henson with short magenta locks, Bella Hadid’s new dyed front strands give off Ginger Spice vibes, Keke Palmer rocking a mullet 

Page 20: It’s all relative -- good genes run in these stars’ families -- Gwyneth Paltrow and her mom Blythe Danner and her daughter Apple, Heidi Klum and Erna and daughter Leni, Jada Pinkett Smith and daughter Willow and mom Adrienne Banfield-Norris

Page 21: Chrissy Teigen and mom Vilailuck and daughter Luna, Jessica Alba and Cathy and daughter Honor, Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian West and her kids Saint and Chicago and Psalm and Mary Jo Houghton 

Page 22: Stars They’re Just Like Us -- Kelly Bensimon got where she needed to go via Citi Bike in NYC, Helena Christensen stepped out with her beloved dog Kuma in NYC, Meg Ryan filled her gas tank in L.A. 

Page 23: During a commercial break Good Morning America coanchor Robin Roberts sipped in a cool beverage in NYC, Rachel Brosnahan partnered with Amazon to support one of her favorite charities Covenant House in NYC

Page 24: Love Lives -- Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are feeling refreshed after a recent trip to Turks and Caicos 

Page 25: Jessie James Decker and husband Eric Decker are enjoying a lot more alone time now that they’ve finally put a lock on their bedroom door, Jackson Guthy is Olivia Jade Giannulli’s No. 1 fan 

Page 26: Hot Hollywood -- After 10 years of marriage Elizabeth Chambers thought she knew the real Armie Hammer but when graphic messages surfaced of his alleged disturbing sexual fetishes of rape and cannibalism she was horrified and it’s like she’s living in a nightmare and she’s focused on protecting their kids Harper and Ford and she wants to shield them from seeing their dad so unhinged

Page 27: Kim Kardashian West is set to finally file for divorce from husband Kanye West by February 14  -- Kim wanted to hold the marriage together for the sake of their four kids she’s now ready to turn the chapter and move on with her life

* Meghan Markle’s half-sister Samantha Markle isn’t the only one telling all -- her estranged dad Thomas Markle now has a documentary in the works about his life and raising his famous daughter -- Meghan is absolutely repulsed by her father and she was praying that he’d stay out of her business and move on with his life but he won’t leave her alone and as a result Meghan will never let him meet her son Archie 

* Keeping Up With Us -- Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas have called it quits, Vanessa Bryant opened up about coping with loss just days before the one year anniversary of husband Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna’s tragic deaths, Jason Sudeikis has returned to work on season 2 of Ted Lasso amid his ex Olivia Wilde’s new romance with Harry Styles, Tom Cruise has splurged on robots to enforce Covid-19 safety protocols on the set of Mission: Impossible 7, Chrishell Stause and Justin Hartley have finalized their divorce, Dustin Diamond has been diagnosed with cancer 

Page 28: A Day in My Life -- Hunter Hayes 

Page 29: Chandler Powell and Bindi Irwin are counting down the days until they meet their baby girl -- Bindi who is in her third trimester cannot wait to be a mother and she’ll be wonderful at it 

Page 30: Cover Story -- What Does Brad Pitt Know? Questions arise after Brad’s ex Nicole Poturalski is spotted with what could be a baby bump 

Page 33: Inside Angelina Jolie’s new life 

Page 34: Erin and Ben Napier -- doing things our way -- the breakout HGTV stars sit down to talk about making it big and putting family first 

Page 36: Justin Timberlake turns 40 -- Justin’s highs and lows ahead of his milestone January 31 birthday 

Page 40: Beauty -- surprisingly sexy scents -- Ariana Grande’s latest R.E.M. 

Page 42: Entertainment -- Genevieve Padalecki on starring in Walker with real-life husband Jared Padalecki 

Page 43: James Lafferty and Alexandra Park on Everyone Is Doing Great

Page 46: Fashion Police -- when bad clothes happen to good people -- Cardi B edition 

Page 48: 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me -- President Joe Biden 

[atc74]

Angelina’s Author Admiration Alcove

If you have ever talked to me here, you may have heard me say “We are here to build each other, not tear each other down.”

This is part of my ongoing mission to build each other up and spread more love. If you have an author you would like me to check out, see my side-side-side blog, @angreadsficsandauthors and send me an ask!

After a very, very , very long hiatus, I am bringing my Author Admiration Alcove back. You can check out previous Author Recs HERE.

@kdfrqqg

I don’t know Kris well, having only talked to her a couple of times. She is an incredibly nice person (so stop and say HI). She was recommended to me by another blogger, @flamencodiva. I perused a few things off her masterlist and this is what I discovered (and was pointed out to me). 

Sugar Daddies  -  The reader is dumped by her freeloading boyfriend.  Her BFF recommends a dating website to find a Sugar Daddy. After posting non-trashy photos and a bio to the site, she is contacted by her first Sugar Daddy. I gave this a read and let me tell you...I was a little weirded out at first, cause Bobby? But do yourself a favor and read the series (still in progress)!

I Love Hot air Balloons! - a cute and slightly steamy, fluffy little Dean piece. 

Imperfectly Perfect - This was sweet and wonderful. Anyone that carries a bit of extra love needs this!

Go say hi to Kris and give her some love!

@closetspngirl @emoryhemsworth @iwantthedean @meganwinchester1999 @sis-tafics @wilde-abandon@wegoddessofhell @holyfuckloueh @horsegirly99 @smoothdogsgirl @dolphincliffs @thisismysecrethappyplace  @neeadinghugs @roxyspearing @theoriginalvicki @andkatiethings @mrswhozeewhatsis @linki-locks11 @evansrogerskitten @hennessy0274-blog @hobby27 @kdfrqqg @gh0stgurl @charliebradbury1104 @blacktithe7 @the–blackdahlia @fortisetgloriosusinarduis @roseblue373 @hannahindie @pinknerdpanda @cherrycokegirls1 @supernatural-jackles @dean-winchesters-bacon @cameronbraswell @docharleythegeekqueen @maddiepants @squirrel-moose-winchester @amanda-teaches @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @adoptdontshoppets @wingedcatninja @akshi8278 @kathaswings @deansgirl215 @x-waywardaf-x  @elara98azalea @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @pretty-fortune

[popculty]

52 Films by Women: 2017

Challenge completed: All the amazing films directed by women I watched this year. Faves in bold; where to watch in brackets (see key below).

Happy viewing!

American Fable (2016) dir. Anne Hamilton [N]

She-Devil (1989) dir. Susan Seidelman

Chau, Beyond the Lines (2015) dir. Courtney Marsh [N] [K]

Whip It (2009) dir. Drew Barrymore

Unbroken (2015) dir. Angelina Jolie

Night Moves (2013) dir. Kelly Reichardt [H]

Mustang (2015) dir. Deniz Gamze Erguven [N]

Black Rock (2012) dir. Katie Aselton

What Happened, Miss Simone? (2015) dir. Liz Garbus [N]

Unexpected (2015) dir. Kris Swanberg [N]

Suffragette (2015) dir. Sarah Gavron

Anatomy of a Love Seen (2014) dir. Marina Rice Bader [N]

*Belle (2013) dir. Amma Asante

*Punisher: War Zone (2008) dir. Lexi Alexander [H]

Bleeding Heart (2015) dir. Diane Bell [N]

Tallulah (2016) dir. Sian Heder [N]

The Intervention (2016) dir. Clea DuVall [A]

American Honey (2016) dir. Andrea Arnold [A]

Underworld: Blood Wars (2016) dir. Anna Foerster

Certain Women (2016) dir. Kelly Reichardt [H]

The Beguiled (2017) dir. Sophia Coppola

*Kedi (2017) dir. Ceyda Torun

*The Bad Batch (2017) dir. Ana Lily Amirpour [N]

Wonder Woman (2017) dir. Patty Jenkins

The Zookeeper’s Wife (2017) dir. Nikki Caro

Megan Leavey (2017) dir. Gabriela Cowperthwaite [A]

To the Bone (2017) dir. Marti Noxon [N]

Meek’s Cutoff (2010) dir. Kelly Reichardt [N]

*A United Kingdom (2017) dir. Amma Asante

*XX (2017) dir. Roxanne Benjamin, Karyn Kusama, St. Vincent, Jovanka Vuckovic [N]

*Lovesong (2017) dir. So Yong Kim [N]

Beach Rats (2017) dir. Eliza Hittman

*Professor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017) dir. Angela Robinson

The Fits (2016) dir. Anna Rose Holmer [A]

Respire (2014) dir. Mélanie Laurent [N] [K]

Battle of the Sexes (2017) dir. Valerie Faris and Jonathan Dayton

*Mudbound (2017) dir. Dee Rees [N]

A Country Called Home (2015) dir. Anna Axster [N]

Raw (2016) dir. Julia Ducournau [N]

Take Care (2014) dir. Liz Tuccillo [N]

Loving Vincent (2017) dir. Dorota Kobiela and Hugh Welchman

*Novitiate (2017) dir. Maggie Betts

Landline (2017) dir. Gillian Robespierre [A]

Faces, Places (2017) dir. Agnes Varda & J.R.

*Whose Streets? (2017) dir. Sabaah Folayan and Damon Davis [H]

First They Killed My Father (2017) dir. Angelina Jolie [N]

Lady Bird (2017) dir. Greta Gerwig

A Tale of Love and Darkness (2015) dir. Natalie Portman [N]

Into the Forest (2016) dir. Patricia Rozema [A]

Always Shine (2016) dir. Sophia Takal

Paint It Black (2017) dir. Amber Tamblyn

Obit. (2017) dir. Vanessa Gould [A]

* = directed by woc

[N] = Netflix

[A] = Amazon Prime

[H] = Hulu

[K] = Kanopy

[weolcantramp]

The Midheaven: How You Will Be Remembered

The Midheaven (MC) is commonly thought to describe one’s career path. Although this is a decent indicator of one’s overall path, it can be hard to relate to a specific career so early in one’s life. So, if you don’t relate to your Midheaven like, “Oh, you have a MC in Aries, so you’re probably going to be a police officer, solider, or athlete" then maybe try thinking of the Midheaven as how you will be remembered or what you are generally associated with. (Always trust your dominant sign to describe you the most- *a post similar to this coming soon) ✨No matter what career you decide, you will be remembered by your peers, co-workers, friends, and family by traits from the sign, aspects*, and planets* bestowed upon your 10th House.✨

♈ Aries MC: will be remembered for their courage, boldness, intimidating/unsettling nature, and/or originality. (ex. Stephen King, Meryl Streep, Kanye West, Joan of Arc, Bill Gates, Angelina Jolie, Madalyn Murry O'Hair, Pablo Picasso, Rachel Maddow, Will Smith, Franz Kafka, Tyra Banks, Aleister Crowley, Tina Fey, Francisco de Goya, Julia Roberts, Chris Farley, Joseph Goebbels, Marvin Gaye, Iggy Pop, Kate Moss, Alfred Hitchcock, George Wallace, Hank Williams, Ayn Rand, Rob Zombie, Alexandre Dumas, John Steinbeck, Anne Frank, Twiggy, Jack Black, William Blake, Celine Dion, Galileo Galilei, Al Gore, Emmylou Harris, Las Vegas-Nevada, Manhattan-New York)

♉ Taurus MC: will be remembered for their extravagant style or possessions, their values, and/or “diva” attitude. (ex. Henry VIII, Andy Warhol, Marilyn Monroe, Tina Turner, Pope Francis, Jackie Robinson, Selena Gomez, Drake, Donald Trump, Freddie Mercury, Agatha Christie, Muhammad Ali, Frida Kahlo, O. J. Simpson, Justin Timberlake, Marlene Dietrich, Malala Yousafzai, Christopher Columbus, Michael Bay, Luciano Pavarotti, Nicole Richie, Woody Allen, Marilyn Manson, Maya Angelou, Martin Scorsese, Bernie Madoff, Ringo, Josephine Baker, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Sarah Palin, Josh Groban, Chris Brown, Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen, Norway)

♊ Gemini MC: will be remembered for/through words (writing, phrase, acting, thoughts, speech), their cleverness, and/or mental/emotional detachment. (ex. Jean-Jaques Rousseau, Albert Camus, Madonna, J.R.R. Tolkein, Donna Summer, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Chelsea Handler, Alex Trebek, Kurt Cobain, Julie Andrews, Oscar Wilde, Jay-Z, Richard Nixon, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Tom Hanks, Kris Jenner, Walt Disney, Miss Cleo, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Hugh Hefner, Lizzie Borden, Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Kathy Bates, Winston Churchill, Melissa Ethridge, Ernest Hemingway, Margaret Mitchell, Paul Simon, Greece, Tokyo-Japan)

♋ Cancer MC: will be remembered for their emotional impact, sensitivity, and/or parental care/control. (ex. Beyoncé, Matamha Gandhi, John F. Kennedy, Venus Williams, Britney Spears, Arthur Rimbaud, Elizabeth Warren, Denzel Washington, Jeffery Dahmer, Sun Yet-sen, Bob Hope, Stevie Wonder, Anderson Cooper, Cat Stevens, Anna Nicole Smith, Joe Jonas, Rock Hudson, Alice Cooper, Woodrow Wilson, Barbara Walters, T. S. Elliot, Coretta Scott King, Albert Schweitzer, Ted Cruz, Monica Lewinsky, H.P. Lovecraft, Anaïs Nin, Katie Couric, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Carole King, Neil Diamond, Harper Lee, Giacomo Puccini, Sidney Poitier, September 11 attacks, United Kingdom)

♌ Leo MC: will be remembered for their theatrics, arrogance/vanity, power, and/or regality. (ex. Grace Kelly, Prince, Isaac Newton, Adolf Hitler, Katy Perry, Charlie Chaplin, Aretha Franklin, Sigmund Freud, Jacqueline Onassis-Kennedy, Stanley Kubrick, Courtney Love, Mark Twain, Chaka Khan, Napoleon Bonaparte, Kathy Griffin, Jim Carrey, Alfred Nobel, Eric Clapton, Annie Oakley, Martha Stewart, Divine, Louis Pasteur, Robin Williams, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Chuck Berry, Vladimir Putin, Clint Eastwood, Missy Elliot, Frank Sinatra, Mel B, Edgar Allan Poe, Los Angeles-CA)

♍ Virgo MC: will be remembered for their scandals/controversy, never-ending toil, physicality/health and/or attention to detail. (ex. Hillary Clinton, Bruce Lee, Kim Kardashian, Ellen DeGeneres, Brad Pitt, Nelson Mandela, Bette Davis, Justin Bieber, Elvis Presley, Erykah Badu, Jimmy Page, Eartha Kitt, Leonardo de Vinci, Bob Marley, Joan Crawford, Margaret Thatcher, Eminem, Friedrich Nietzsche, David Lynch, Chaz Bono, Marlon Brando, Björk, Ozzy Osborne, Emily Brontë, Bernie Sanders, Georgia O'Keeffe, Diana Ross, Kahlil Gibran, Russia, United States)

♎ Libra MC: will be remembered for their inner/outer beauty, adaptability, and/or desire for or appearance of stability. (ex. Elton John, Jane Goodall, Malcolm X, Coco Channel, Kylie Jenner, Ronald Reagan, Princess Diana, Michelangelo, Oprah Winfrey, Bob Dylan, Winona Ryder, Jimi Hendrix, Mother Teresa, Elizabeth Taylor, Cristiano Ronaldo, Angela Merkel, Tom Brokaw, Alan Watts, Charles Darwin, Brigitte Bardot, Patti Smith, Chuck Norris, Linda Lovelace, Ray Charles, Lionel Messi, Eleanor Roosevelt, Lewis Carroll, Noam Chomsky, Lucille Ball, Venice-Italy)

♏ Scorpio MC: will be remembered for their physical attractiveness, taboo activities/topics, and/or natural talent. (ex. James Joyce, Billie Holiday, Taylor Swift, Barack Obama, Carrie Fisher, Jim Morrison, Selena, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Queen Elizabeth II, Ariana Grande, Marie Curie, Anthony Hopkins, René Descartes, Nina Simone, Willem Dafoe, Paul Newman, Mariska Hargitay, Thomas Jefferson, Ray Bradbury, Joseph Stalin, Larry King, Duke Ellington, Joan Jett, Buddy Holly, Megan Fox, Johnny Knoxville, Daniel Day-Lewis, Gwen Stefani, Francis Ford Coppola, Sophia Loren, Marcus Aurelius, China)

♐ Sagittarius MC: will be remembered for their joviality​, reckless/wild free spirit, sense of humor, and/or philosophy/spirituality. (ex. Al Capone, Deepok Chopra, Shia LaBeouf, Audrey Hepburn, Harvey Milk, Johnny Cash, David Bowie, Bettie Page, Pablo Neruda, J. K. Rowling, Christina Aguilera, Michael Jackson, Henry David Thoreau, Adele, Janis Joplin, Maximilien Robespierre​, Ellen Pompeo, Whitney Houston, Paul McCartney, Evel Knievel, Bruno Mars, Jimmy Fallon, Peggy Lipton, Karl Marx, George Takei, Ryan Gosling, Whoopi Goldberg, Vincent Price, Rio de Janeiro-Brazil)

♑ Capricorn MC: will be remembered for their accomplishments/legacy, conquering of odds, and/or persistence. (ex. Martin Luther King Jr., George Washington, Rihanna, Isadora Duncan, Benjamin Franklin, James Dean, Nikola Tesla, John D. Rockefeller, Serena Williams, Joan Baez, Snoop Dogg, Alexander the Great, Barbara Streisand, Ron Howard, Stevie Nicks, Bette Midler, Joan Rivers, Immanuel Kant, Queen Latifah, Johann Sebastian Bach, Walt Whitman, Che Guevara, Liza Minnelli, Amelia Earhart, Mariah Carey, John Lennon, George Lucas, Donatella Versace, Louis Armstrong, Pakistan)

♒ Aquarius MC: will be remembered for their rebellious nature, involvement in a social organization/group​, and/or unpredictability. (ex. Miley Cyrus, Tim Burton, Voltaire, Mick Jagger, Carl Sagan, Rita Hayworth, Neil Armstrong, Amy Winehouse, Pamela Anderson, Carlos Santana, Edward Snowden, Leo Tolstoy, Mae West, Orson Welles, Charlie Sheen, Eva Peron, Miles Davis, Bruce Springsteen, Johann Kepler, Suddam Hussein, Ruby Rose, Gerard Way, Helen Mirren, Howard Stern, Arthur Conan Doyle, Mary Shelley, George R. R. Martin, Kristen Stewart, Jean Piaget, Ronda Rousey, Willow Smith, Florida, India)

♓ Pisces MC: will be remembered for their delusional optimism, supernatural success, and/or they are often idolized. (ex. Vincent Van Gogh, Albert Einstein, Irene Cara, Cher, Salvador Dalí, William Shakespeare, Edie Sedgwick, Fidel Castro, Lady Gaga, Dalai Lama XIV, Steven Spielberg, George Michael, Marie Antoinette, RuPaul, Judy Garland, Michael Phelps, Sally Ride, John Cena, William Faulkner, Victoria Beckham, Lee Harvey Oswald, Douglas Adams, Jean Renoir, Buzz Aldrin, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Farrah Fawcett, Osama bin Laden, Sam Cooke, Michael Jordan, Switzerland, North Korea)

[thatshighlyoffensive]

THAT’S HIGHLY OFFENSIVE: MET GALA 2017

THAT’S HIGHLY OFFENSIVE: MET GALA 2017

Well, well, welcome to the annual skewering of Dummies with Money Pretending They Care About Anything Other Than Themselves AKA the Met Gala 2017 (or as Drew Jordan called it, “a party for relatives of famous people.” I hate most of the people that attended this year, plus my supply of fucks is as depleted as my bank account these days, so the positive reviews are scarce. Cat and I watched the E! red carpet coverage together and tried really hard to care, but it never happened. We were passionate about one thing though: Whoever manned the camera tonight should be fired and exiled to a country where they only photograph people from the shoulders up and then seek treatment for his obvious battle with Parkinson’s. HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. Enjoy!

Giuliana Rancid (who is obviously not at the actual event because she would never be invited to anything other than a Ruby Tuesday’s salad bar ribbon cutting) spent the evening with a bunch of other nobodies in a studio on the west coast and chose to drape her Antz body in the milky exoskeleton of one of her albino brethren.

I hate Katy Perry almost as much as I hate Lena Dunham, so the fact that she has dated my future husband John Mayer is something that whittles away at my black heart daily, and whatever the hell I’m looking at on the red carpet right now just took out another big chunk. I literally cannot, so that’s all.

Lily Collins looks like the Berries ’n’ Cream Starburst guy on his way to a Sophia Coppola sponsored transgender formal.

Kendall Jenner would be 100% perfection if she’d done something different with her hair. Those legs, MY GOD.

Kylie Jenner (as always) looks like Bruce Jenner in a Pretty Woman wig with a Kris Kardashian’s worth of plastic surgery in a girdle and pair of Steve Maddens.

Rose Byrne: The sun’ll come ouuuut tomorrow! Actually, it saw you tonight and decided not to.

Brie Larson looks like the love child of Babette the feather duster and one of my hand bells from middle school church choir in Dorothy Zbornak’s footwear.

Lily James looks like Natalie Portman from Black Swan wrapped in a Swiffer Wet Jet.

Rihanna looks like two Jimmy Dean sausage links wrapped in red licorice, stuffed into a clotted human heart piñata.

Naomi Watts looks more like Nicole Kidman every day. But probably my favorite look of the night.

Celine Dion looks like Jenna Lyons wrapped one of her old, bedazzled J. Crew tees in the Oscar gown she pulled out of Angelina Jolie’s trash can and secured it with the straps from one of the antique electric chairs Billy Bob is afraid of. #teamjolie

Bella Hadid- I don’t love all the weight she’s lost since becoming an ‘it’ girl/I’m insanely jealous, but her look harkens back to the origins of the MET ball aka the OG supermodels and the designers that loved them, so I give her look an A.

GiGi- While I really do appreciate your channeling of Christy Turlington (whether you meant to or not), I can’t say that I fully understand your look tonight. The color is that of a gout ridden tuna, the shape is that of a sushi wrapped tuna, and your panty hose are reminiscent of someone wrapping tuna in seaweed at Hibachi Express. Sanitation grade: C+

Chrissy Teigen looks like she always has: bloated and wild. Her outfit looks like a cotton gin exploded next to a L’eggs factory.

Lupita Nyongo looks like the Toucan Tropicana Barbie and that is all.

Ruby Rose is channeling some ‘She Sells Sea Shells by the Jersey Shore’ shit.

Miranda Kerr looks like a walking, glossy, coral reef, made up by Bobbi Boring Brown, as usual.

Rami Malek went to the Ball as a Twizzler. Or was it a Red Vine? #redvinesfamily

Zendaya: Mac-OW.

Paris Jackson: I have never been so offended by someone. First of all, she has about as much of Michael Jackson’s DNA in her as I do. Secondly, she looks like she put as much effort into her appearance tonight as I did when I dialed Dominos earlier. Also- Express’s formal collection has never looked worse. Also, also, your tattoos rival the mess of ink on a backstreet water rat.

Madonna- I didn’t think I could be more offended by a poseur than Paris Jackson, but again, I’m proven wrong. Her gap-toothed, fake-British bullshit can’t be hidden by all the camo in the world, and certainly not by one hideous dress.

Zoe Kravitz- Big Little Lies made me love her and this outfit does nothing but add to my new obsession. I could do without the sleeve contusions, but I’m obsessed with the rest. Like the finale of BLL, she’s channeling Audrey Hepburn like a boss.

Kate Hudson- Yo ass has looked the same every damn year. This year is the same, just more boring and like you’re trying to channel a Kartrashian aka HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. But also- i love you.

Gwyneth Paltrow looks like she ate Chelsea Handler and borrowed Titus’s pumps.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen: Two canoodling Weimaraners.

Lily Rose Depp: I actually love this. All of it. I am ashamed.

Sarah Paulson: And the cockatoo cried ‘Nevermore.’

Cara Delevigne: The Tin Man and The Nanny Named Fran had a baby. And it was ugly.

Rita Ora: Wasn’t it nice of Russell Stover to cater the red carpet?

Maggie Gyllenhaal: If Dorothy Draper, the Jolly Green Giant and a footless grandpa had a baby.

Halle Berry: Barnacles never looked so good.

Reese Witherspoon: Alexis Carrington would be proud. But that ponytail… She’d snatch it off.

Amy Schumer: So you ate Tonya Harding and then stole some kid’s Scarlet Witch cosplay outfit from their Orlando double-wide and threw it over your hamhocks? You belong IN a trash bag, not wrapped in one.

Kim Kartrasashian: An OB tampon at a Renaissance Faire. That is all.

J. Lo- You’re channeling Jennifer North and I love that, but your horse hair ponytail is highly offensive. And I’m not sure I get the color. But I think you and A. Rod make a perfect couple.

Karlie Kloss- Your shiny face is offensive. Stop. Your shoes are on point like a mosquito’s knee. Stop. Your dress is half terrible/half almost there. Stop. Put on a damn necklace. Stop.  

Kerry Washington- Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard with a lisp. Also- your lace front is almost as off-putting as Johnny Travolta’s. OFFENSIVE ON ALL COUNTS.

Blake Lively- I don’t know how someone makes golden chain mail with a peacock’s ass attached to it so boring, but you’ve done it. Also- you’ve done the braid/ponytail to death and made me want to follow suit. Death’s, not the hairstyle’s…

Jessica Chastain- Queen EleaBore of Land O’ Lakes called, she says you look melted.

Hailey Baldwin- I don’t know how dressing like a slutty piece of salt water taffy turned state’s surprise witness in a dog collar makes you a top model, but best regards and kindest wishes.

Nicki Minaj looks like Chun Li’s evil twin going to prom in Cleveland, Ohio.

So, Elle Fanning The Chinless Wonder thought tonight’s gala was an audition to be another boring ass Disney princess?

Mandy Moore- I love you more than anything because you are Rapunzel but NO. You are not Anjelica Huston in Addams Family.

Salma Hayek- you are naturally STUNNING and tonight you look OFFENSIVE and like a character from one of my brother’s anime shows. And not in a good way.

Selena Gomez made my eyes roll out of my head, onto the floor, out the door, into the street, and under the tire of Rachel Leigh Cook’s Volkswagen Rabbit.

Emma Roberts looks like a Jennifer Garner drag queen auditioning for the role of Jessica Rabbit in a high school production of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Priyanka Chopra is literally just wearing a trench coat. #carmensandiegoworeitbetter #andwithahat

Kate Bosworth always looks like a creepy Victorian doll with alopecia.

Worst dressed: Daisy Ridley, hands down. She looks like someone sewed fabric from the bargain bin onto one of those built-in-bra pajama dresses from Target and threaded a wonky hula hoop into the bottom. Hideous hair. No jewelry? HIGHLY OFFENSIVE.

BYEEEEEEEE

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Kris Jenner : Grand-mère comblée, elle brise le silence après la grande annonce !

La maman des sœurs Kardashian est totalement aux anges après l’annonce officielle de la grossesse de Khloe , survenue sur Instagram , par l’intermédiaire d’une publication très émouvante. 

" Dieu est bon " s’est emballée Kris Jenner sur le même réseau social jeudi 21 décembre, reprenant la photographie de sa fille les mains posées sur son ventre, jointes à celles de l’heureux papa, Tristan Thompson. " Je suis au-délà d’excitée " a complété Kris Jenner. " Quelle bénédiction " a-t-elle encore mentionné. 

God is so good!! I am beyond excited! What a blessing!!!!!!! ❤️#Repost @khloekardashian ・・・ My greatest dream realized! We are having a baby! I had been waiting and wondering but God had a plan all along. He knew what He was doing. I simply had to trust in Him and be patient. I still at times can't believe that our love created life! Tristan, thank you for loving me the way that you do! Thank you for treating me like a Queen! Thank you for...

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Angelina Jolie : après Brad Pitt, elle aurait retrouvé l'amour dans les bras d'une femme !

L'attentat du Thalys adapté au ciné par Clint Eastwood : enfin la bande annonce !

Fenty Beauty : Rihanna annonce la sortie de 14 nouvelles teintes de rouges à lèvres

Bande annonce d'Ocean's 8 : Sandra Bullock monte un casse, sans George Clooney !

Shy'm au Grand Rex

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Star, November 2

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Meghan Markle 6 months pregnant with a girl 

Page 1: Kelly Osbourne’s super slim down -- calling 2020 her Year of Me she has dropped 85 lbs. and counting 

Page 2: Contents, Hailey Bieber 

Page 3: January Jones using a roller to smooth her face, John Lennon’s lookalike son Sean Lennon lit up the Empire State Building in blue to honor John on what would have been his 80th birthday, Ali Larter burst into a giggle fit during a solo stroll in Santa Monica 

Page 4: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s kids will be like many kids of divorce: squarely stuck in the middle of their battling parents -- Angelina is fighting to take them all away on either Thanksgiving or Christmas but Brad wants the kids to spend time with him and his folks in Missouri which Angie refuses to agree to

Page 5: Not all the action on the Mission: Impossible 7 set has been for the cameras as Tom Cruise has been getting flirty with two of his costars Vanessa Kirby and Hayley Atwell while filming in Italy -- Tom’s following Vanessa around like a puppy one moment and Hayley the next and telling them how beautiful they look and how well they played a scene and he’s obviously got the hots for both of them -- Hayley is flattered he’s taken such an interest in her while Tom felt sparks with Vanessa a few years ago while shooting Mission: Impossible -- Fallout but she had a boyfriend then and now that she’s single Tom’s saying she’s the perfect combination of classy and cute, Ryan Gosling’s family is wondering whether he’s catering too much to his partner of almost a decade Eva Mendes because it’s been years since he has visited his relatives back in Canada and they’re pointing the finger at Eva and while Ryan swears he’s happy as a homebody especially during the pandemic his family is upset at the lack of contact and they are fed up with Eva for keeping him a virtual prisoner in L.A., while Rumer Willis feels she’s met her match in newly single Armie Hammer her parents Bruce Willis and Demi Moore are warning her off of him -- they’re happy that Rumer is happy but they don’t think she should be dating a guy with two young children who’s just starting divorce proceedings but Rumer isn’t worried that she’s a rebound because they were friends before the split and once the dust settles she believes they really have a chance 

Page 6: Hoda Kotb and her fiance Joel Schiffman have submitted paperwork to adopt another child, sister drama between Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner is making for a great new storyline on Keeping Up With the Kardashians especially after things got physical during a car ride on a family trip to Palm Springs and the spat wasn’t just for the cameras -- Kendall and Kylie have been growing apart for years and although they make out like things are OK and still goof around on Twitter but the reality is they get on each other’s nerves -- Kendall thinks Kylie is a spoiled brat and believes momager Kris Jenner gives her preferential treatment because her brand brings in more bucks -- it’s so sad because Kendall and Kylie used to be so close, Star Spots the Stars -- Katie Holmes and Emilio Vitolo Jr., Sofia Vergara, Kyle Richards, Zoey Deutch, Camila Morrone, Olivia Munn, Maren Morris 

Page 8: Star Shots -- despite ditching her typical baggy clothes Billie Eilish still turned heads with her signature neon green hair and pricey shoes, Gavin Rossdale playing tennis, Viggo Mortensen gave his seal of approval to a plaque in his honor at the 12th Lumiere Film Festival where he screened his new film Falling in Lyon, France

Page 10: Luke Bracey had everything he needed arriving on set of Baz Luhrmann’s untitled Elvis biopic in which he portrays music mogul Jerry Schilling in Gold Coast in Australia, Gwen Stefani during a photoshoot in Calabasas

Page 11: Joe Manganiello brought his dog Bubbles to the drive-in screening of his new film Archenemy at Beyond Fest, stage vets Bernadette Peters and Joel Grey took cover at the surprise A Moment for Broadway pop-up in Times Square a socially distanced performance to celebrate NYC’s theaters which have been dark since March 

Page 14: Sharna Burgess was in good spirits heading into Dancing with the Stars rehearsals, Justin Bieber on a Vespa around his neighborhood in Beverly Hills 

Page 15: Shia LaBeouf showed off his tattoos during a run, Scout Willis’ rescue dog Grandma nestled comfortably during a mid-day stroll 

Page 16: Kristen Taekman decorating her house for Halloween with son Cash

Page 17: Nev Schulman took a spin on rollerskates outside the Dancing with the Stars rehearsal studio, Rob Lowe at the beach in Santa Barbara 

Page 18: Normal or Not? Rita Ora bundled up for the dropping temperatures in London -- normal, Jessica Simpson riding her son Ace’s bicycle -- normal, a bespectacled Gwyneth Paltrow during a spa day -- not normal 

Page 19: At 6-foot-6 Charles Barkley had to squat to have his temperature taken before checking into a Beverly Hills hotel -- normal, Liam Hemsworth showing off his muscles during a workout with swimmer Ross Edgley -- normal, Dax Shepard decompressing in bed next to his dog Frank -- not normal 

Page 20: Fashion -- stars are classic in black dresses -- Zendaya, Elle Fanning, Regina King 

Page 21: Sara Sampaio, Margot Robbie 

Page 24: Dominic West who played a cheating husband on The Affair was snapped kissing Lily James despite being wed to Catherine FitzGerald since 2010 and after the photos made headlines he and his wife released a handwritten statement during a bizarre photo-op at their London home -- Catherine was humiliated by the news but she’s known to turn a blind eye and Dominic’s mad as hell with himself for getting caught -- meanwhile Dominic and Lily are set to resume production on BBC’s The Pursuit of Love which they’ve been filming in England sine July and Dominic is focused on fixing his fractured family which includes the couple’s four kids and he is committed to proving things with Catherine are strong and capable of surviving this 

Page 25: After seeming to find love at last Bethenny Frankel has called it quits with Paul Bernon after two years together because their long-distance romance proved too difficult to sustain even though Paul was willing to relocate from Boston in order to move in together but Bethenny got spooked and said no, Kristin Cavallari was spotted locking lips with comedian Jeff Dye during a night out in Chicago and those close to Kristin suspect there’s a motive behind her showing PDA with another man just six months after she and Jay Cutler announced they were splitting up: Kristin is big on getting the upper hand and kissing Jeff for everyone to see was a way of her telling Jay she was totally over him, after more than two years of dating Tobey Maguire’s girlfriend Tatiana Dieteman wants to make things official but Tobey is wary of settling down following his split from ex-wife Jennifer Meyer the mom to his kids -- now Tobey and Tatiana are at odds over their future and neither of them is backing down

Page 26: Cover Story -- Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are having a girl -- Harry and Meghan are secretly expecting baby No. 2 

Page 30: Ellen DeGeneres’ ratings troubles -- a dip in viewership shakes the daytime TV favorite leaving a struggling Ellen fighting for her show 

Page 32: Making Marriage Work -- despite hitting some bumps these stars put in the effort to save their relationships -- Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade, Beyonce and Jay-Z, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel 

Page 33: Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, Jana Kramer and Mike Caussin, Julianne Hough and Brooks Laich 

Page 36: Beauty -- Boo-tiful makeup -- Halsey

Page 38: Entertainment 

Page 48: Parting Shot -- Kelly Clarkson hosted the 2020 Billboard Music Awards featuring Lizzo