#kpop stoner au

[jiminiejamie]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ bts relationship with parents ੈ✩‧₊˚

their relationship with parents in my stoner!au <3 I'm so sorry but none of them have perfect relationships with their parents, PROJECTING. I don’t know why Jungkook’s is so long. lol.

my masterlist <3

tw: parental death, abusive parents, homophobia,

JIN:

He doesn't have a bad relationship with either of them, he just doesn’t live near them. He doesn't see them very often. He doesnt nOT get on with them. He just sees them a fEW times a year. He goes every christmas and he might see them ONE other time a year on A GOOD YEAR. His mom and dad are vERY strict. It’s the reason he left and moved to the city. Their strictness is also the reason they don't visit him. They hate hate hate his friends, they have NO IDEA about the weed though shhh. But Jin and Hoseok are the only two who Jin’s parents respect because they have ‘real jobs’, but they really don't like the rest.

YOONGI:

A whole lot of bad. His mom died when he was 13, and it has been him and dad since then. And …wow… whole lotta shit for a while for Yoongi. His mom, the sweetest woman you could have ever met. He misses her so much. She was beautiful and the kindest person. Yoongi and her were inseparable, he was her baby boy. His dad was never good enough for her and she knew deep down she should have left him. But once she was pregnant with Yoongi she couldn't bring herself to do it. Once she died, the worst of Yoongi’s dad came out.

 He went through phases of bullying Yoongi relentlessly, OR completely ignoring him for weeks on end. From the age of 13, Yoongi had to raise himself entirely: cook for himself, get to school by himself and take care of himself. That is one of the reasons he is so independent now. One thing he does quite often that he very VERY rarely lets the boys see is, while Yoongi was growing up. His mom recorded almost ‘daily vlogs?’ of her life. And Yoongi has HOURS AND HOURS of footage, I mean like a video about her life eVERYDAY for years of her and Yoongi growing up. The rest of the boys have only seen clips/glimpses of the videos, he only shows them if he's watching and they ask but they dont ask that often because they know he is very sensitive to it.

HOSEOK:

He is close with his parents and I would say he is the closest with his parents and has the best relationship with them. He still talks to the regularly and they visit a fair bit. The only thing he has realised in the past when talking to the boys, specifically Jin is they weren’t entirely there for him on an emotional level. They raised him and kept him alive but in terms of emotional care, they were distant. They never checked on his mental health or taught him how to take care of his mental health. Which he does blame on the generation they are from but he does also know that isn't an excuse but besides that he has a good relationship with them.

NAMJOON:

His Mom and Dad divorced when he was 13 and it was just him, his mom and his brother. He still talks to his dad, they just have a very normal father and son relationship but it's ‘nothing special’ as he calls it and he talks to his dad maybe once or twice a month. His mom is also lovely but she has had some bad partners since the divorce. Some were genuinely nice people, some were a little iffy but bearable. But the partner she has now, who she's been with for quite a while now. Namjoon hates the idea but he can see them getting married soon. The partner she has now is a horrible man, he is lovely to his mom and Namjoon can't stand the fact that his Mom can not seem to understand why Namjoon and his brother don’t get on with him. Namjoon’s brother is only a year younger than him and he is set to also move into his girlfriend's apartment soon. Both him and Namjoon moved out to get away from him as soon as they could, if that doesn't tell you what they think of him, i don't know what will. Namjoon and the boys all have agreed that the only acceptable way to be a new step-parent is accept the kids your partner already has, even if they aren’t ‘yours’ you need to respect them, respect their father if he is around and acknowledge their existence. Joon’s step-dad does none of those things. He ignored the two brothers but at the same time didn’t acknowledge that Joon’s mom had kids with another person. Joon’s dad isn't allowed in the house as his step-dad doesnt think it's appropriate? He's a very weird man so it’s clear to understand why him and his brother moved out.

JIMIN:

His mom is so cute, she's so cute. But his dad… his father is a different story. His mom and dad divorced when Jimin was about 5, and he spent most of his life with his mom. She is his biggest supporter <3 it's very sweet!! She wept for so long when he came out to her, but not in a bad way, it was just pure love and the fact he felt he could come to her and trust her. She was initially SHOCKED at Jimin’s job but within about 6 minutes she was in full support as long as her ‘baby boy’ was safe and happy. The boys also love her. She visits quite a lot and they all ALWAYS come round to see her when she visits. Jimin doesn't talk to her tOO much about the weed shit and what they get up to, but she’s not an idiot, but once again: as long as he is safe. His dad though, not so much. He was never close with his dad growing up but that mindset was always instilled in him that his dad is ‘family’ and he should be close with him. So in his teenage years, Jimin tried..SO hard to be close with his dad but when Jimin accidentally came out to him that put a stop to the already tenuous relationship they had. Jimin’s dad does not want to know anything about his son anymore and initially Jimin was upset about it, but now he’s more mature and knows he’s not the problem in any way.

TAEHYUNG:

Bad, bad, really bad. The boys don’t even know half of it. Jimin knows most of it, Taehyung spent a lot of nights at Jimin's house when they were younger. Jimin’s mom ‘took him in’ in a way because it was all getting far too dangerous for Taehyung to be living with them. Jimin’s mom did what she could but Taehyung’s parents had ultimate control over him until he moved out and left as soon as he physically could. Jimin helped cover Tae’s rent until Tae got a job when they first moved out. Taehyung felt insanely guilty over it for a while but it was very clear how desperately he needed to leave that house. Sounds very morbid but it was killing Tae. Taehyung lived through it, until he was 17 years old. He was tortured by those people. He lost his childhood to the people who were supposed to give him one.

JUNGKOOK:

Jungkook lives with his mom and they have a very ‘normal’ Mother and son relationship. She’s a lovely mom, and Kook is very close with her. She is a lovely woman, she’s not massively strict but she does expect her rules to be followed if he is living with her. Which Kook respects and his housing situation is due to change soon which is Mom is finding it hard to deal with as it has been just her and Jungkook since he was born but she would never tell Kook she doesn't want him to leave because she knows how ready he is to move out. He really only sleeps there now, and to be fair, out of the 7 nights of the week, he’ll sleep at home maybe ¾ of them. Jungkook doesn't have a dad. Well he does, but he’s never met him and to be fair Jungkook’s mom hardly met him. Jungkook learned at about 12, his Mom had a summer relationship with a man while she was travelling in her gap year. So she fell pregnant while she was away from home, sadly she didn't know she was pregnant until she got back and the two lost contact. Jungkook takes pride in the fact that although he never met his dad and he doesn't know Kook exists, Jungkook’s mom said he was a very VERY good man and he would be proud of Kook today. Jungkook’s mom broke down crying when Kook originally said he was going to be a tattoo artist, his dad was heavily tattooed and his mom was astounded at this ‘coincidence?’ Another thing that makes Jungkook’s mom a very good mom is she was quite young when she had Jungkook, about 18/19 so she is fairly open to things many parents wouldn't be. She’s also a very strong woman as she did it all on her own. Her parents (Jungkook's grandparents) didn't really want anything to do with her after they found out she was pregnant at 18, and the father was in another country and she had no way of contacting him. So she is incredibly strong due to being completely alone at 19 with a baby, she built a life for them. This meant his young childhood wasn't the best situation for either of them. Until she found the right job and the right people to be around it was hard. They were homeless for a while, until Kook was about 7, and some of his earliest memories are sleeping on the floor of people's houses while he was growing up. He also spent a lot of time in shelters with his mother and although it was very hard for the both of them it bonded them and is the reason they are so close now. The only thing Jungkook always feels guilty about is he hasnt told the boys about that. They all figured he probably was quite poor and struggled growing up but they have no idea how bad it was, but hey, everyone has secrets. He isn’t ashamed of it, he just doesn't want sympathy. But he’ll tell them one day, just not today.

[fadedncity]

after hours

wc: 1.7k

pairing: renjun x fem!reader

cw: smut, fwb!au, secret fwb, non idol au, use of marijuana, sex while under the influence, teasing, oral sex (receiving), mentions of other idols, basically pwp

song inspo: hit this hard by post malone | after hours by kehlani

Your nose tingles and your eyes slightly sting. Because of Jaemin's suggestion to try and hotbox the apartment, the smoke clouded the entire room, with no fresh air moving around, only getting you higher.

"Can I please break the hotbox?" Haechan asks.

"Don't you dare," Jaemin warns.

"My eyes are starting to burn, I can't take this anymore!" Haechan dramatically whined.

"At least wait until this spliff is done," Jeno says.

Gigi passes you the blunt, only worth about two, maybe three hits left. You deeply inhale, holding your breath for a second for a little head rush before exhaling. Taking the last hit, the smoke hits the back of your throat with a bit of an extra kick, causing you to cough.

You had barely put out the last bit of the blunt when Haechan beelined to the nearest window, opening it all the way, starting to get some ventilation and finally some fresh air.

With the dim lighting of the LEDs and the copious amount of smoke filling the room, you only notice the shadow of the figure approaching you once they're right in front of you.

"You okay?" Renjun's voice brings you out of your thoughts.

Still, a little spaced out, you slowly nod.

"Here," he hands you a bottle of water.

"I'm fine," your voice is a little hoarse.

"Just drink it," he playfully kicked your foot before leaving you with a wink thrown over his shoulder.

By the time the smoke had started to really clear out, your bottle of water was almost empty. You find Renjun on the couch opposite of you, only partially engaged in the conversation with Chenle and Jisung.

His eyes had been trailing up from your black and pink weed socks, up your bare legs, to the cute skirt hugging your waist. By the time Renjun's eyes meet yours, he sees you already looking at him with a smirk.

"Are you coming?" Minjeong asks you.

"Coming where?"

"The deli on the corner for a snack run."

You glance back at Renjun to see him still looking at you. And as if coming to a silent agreement, you give Minjeong your answer.

"I'm too high to be outside right now," you say.

"Understandable. Want me to grab you something?"

"Yeah something salty. Or sweet."

"That's so helpful," she deadpanned.

You can tell Renjun's having a similar exchange with Jeno, coming up with some excuse for him to stay behind with you. As you wait for your friends to leave the apartment, your eyes are stuck on Renjun.

You both hear the door close, and quiet fills the house as the two of you are finally left alone. 

"Can I help you?" you stare back at Renjun.

"Depends," he answers.

"On?" you ask, rising to your feet and walking over to his side of the room. But when Renjun diverts his eyes from you with a smile, a smirk of your own creeps onto your face as you drop a knee on either side of his thighs, sitting in his lap. "If you wanna kiss me just say that."

"Fine," is all he says before he pulls you in, and your lips clash with his.

Once your lips meet, your fingers curl themselves around the short hairs at the nape of his neck. Renjun's tongue swipes along your bottom lip, and you let the sweetness of the energy drink he'd been drinking along with traces of smoke invade your senses. The kiss soon grows heated, and Renjun's pulling you into his lap, gripping your thighs in his hands.

You pull away to catch your breath.

You pull the red Yankees snapback off his head, letting long strands of silver hair fall over his eyes. He reaches for it, but you retract your arm out of his reach while he frustratedly runs his fingers through his hair.

"Don't think that's fair, do you?"

"Cause you always play fair," you say.

"Far more than you. I mean look at what you're already doing to me," Renjun rolled your hips against his, allowing you to feel the outline of his cock growing hard.

"And what is it am I doing to you, Junnie?" you teasingly ask, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"That for starters. Not to mention, wearing this thing that seemingly gets shorter and shorter every time I see it," Renjun pushes your skirt higher up your thighs, gently squeezing your flesh, "How could you expect me to last all night without just getting at least one touch," he grips your bare thigh.

"Just one?"

"Unless you're asking me for more," the corners of his lips turn up, "Go ahead ask me."

"Renjun..."

"Yeah, baby?" he nods.

You grabbed the back of his neck and crashed your lips into his. Renjun starts kissing your neck, licking a long stripe up the side of your throat before sinking his teeth into your skin, making you shudder.

"Junnie~" you tighten your fingers around strands of his hair you grabbed onto.

"Love when you say it like that. Sound so cute and desperate," he says in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

"Renjun," you lightly scold him.

"Sorry, I forgot you're the only allowed to tease here."

"See, now you're getting it."

Maneuvering himself onto the floor, on his knees, Renjun's quick to get your underwear off; hooking his fingers in the waistband and pulling them off you.

Renjun's mouth waters, hungrily eyeing your glistening folds. He runs his fingers through his hair before collecting the long strands into a small ponytail, using your hair tie he was wearing on his wrist just to keep his hair out of his way for now.

Renjun pushes your skirt higher up your hips, allowing him to get a full few of your pussy. Renjun licks a fat stripe between your folds, letting your juices flow onto his tongue.

Your eyes flutter shut, and you mewl. You don't see it but rather feel Renjun smile against your skin as he pushes your knees to your chest and delves his face back into your pussy.

You roughly grab onto his silver locks, tugging at his roots. You both moan in unison as jolts of pleasure climb up your spine.

Your back arched from the cushions, your head sinking deeper into the arm of the pillows. The tip of Renjun's tongue traces along your folds, ghosting over your clit, making you shudder.

Renjun flattened his tongue, swirling around the bundle of nerves before sucking it into his mouth. Your legs restlessly squirmed against his shoulders, leading Renjun to hold the back of your thighs, keeping you in place as he ate you out.

"Junnie, please," you moan softly.

Renjun came up to catch his breath and hungrily eyed your pussy glistening in your slick and his saliva.

"So sweet," He spreads your lips to watch your aching clit twitch "The way you taste, the way you sound," he spits on your pussy, "S'all so addictive," Renjun smiled as he circled his thumb around your clit.

You grew closer to cumming just from the act alone and felt yourself clenching around nothing.

Renjun grinned, pulling your hips closer to his face. His tongue wiggled against your gummy walls, his nose pressing into your clit as your hips started grinding against his face.

"My god, Junnie, it's so good," you tell him, and he hums back in response, the vibrations causing your toes to curl.

Somehow beyond your moans, a mix of obscene noises from both his mouth and your cunt, and the music still playing in the house, you hear your phone ringing.

"Did Renjun want anything too?" Ningning speaks loudly into the phone so you can hear her over the cacophony in the background.

"Did you want something?" You look down at Renjun between your legs.

"I'm good. Got everything I need right here." Renjun smirks, wrapping his arms around your thighs and pulling you closer to his face, bringing his tongue back to your core.

"He's good," you say, suppressing the moan rising in your throat.

"Are you okay?" Ningning asks, hearing the strain in your voice.

"Yeah, I just took a hit of the bong," you lied.

Ningning gasps on the other line, "They're using the bong without us!" she says to the others, "You better keep that shit packed for us by the time we get back," you drop your phone once she hangs up.

Your thighs are shaking, and your teeth sink violently into your bottom lip. Your fingers tightly grip his hair as you rock your hips against his face, chasing your high.

"Fuck, Renjun, I'm gonna cum," you pant.

Your legs close around Renjun's head as your orgasm hits you. Your back arched off the couch, and your nails lightly scratch his scalp as you tug his silver roots.

"Junnie, please," you whine, pushing his head away.

Renjun rises from his knees, rejoining you back on the couch. Hovering over you, he presses his lips to yours, and you taste traces of you all on his tongue.

"You're crazy, you know that," you tell him.

"Mhmm, but you like it," he smiles, sliding onto the cushion next to you.

"Fucking Aries," you shake your head, and Renjun playfully nips at your neck, making you yelp.

Renjun reaches for the bong on the coffee table as you stretch your legs over his thighs. "Really?" you ask.

"Gotta make it believable," he smirks, striking the lighter. The water in the bong bubbles as Renjun takes a long hit, and you watch thick clouds of smoke fill the neck before he inhales it all. He leans over to you, grabbing the back of your neck and bringing his lips to yours. You let him blow the smoke into your mouth and amid the exchange, manage to steal a proper kiss.

You pull away when you hear the front door open, and Ningning bursts into the room, looking at you both suspiciously.

"You two think you're slick?" she asks, narrowing her eyes as they bounce back and forth between you and Renjun. "I know you just wanted her for yourself," Ningning says. Oh shit. You and Renjun both glance at each other. But then Ningning snatches her bong off the table, cradling it in her arms like a child.

"Trust, I took very good care of her," Renjun says, subtly squeezing your knee.

a/n: this has been in my drafts for toooooo long 😫 i swear i meant what i said before about writing more and i promise y’all i am! feedback is appreciated!! thank you for reading, love you all <3

[bee-the-loser-recs]

~~~☼ My Taehyun One-shot Fic Recs ☼~~

𖤓 Chulo By @koqabear 11.4k, roommates au, mutual friend Yeonjun, party lover reader, jealousy, teasing, smut, slight fluff, enemies to lovers slightly, pwp, use of drugs & weed

𖤓 Pretty privilege (and its complications...) By @koqabear 9.6k, established relationship, beach au, lifeguard Taehyun, fluff, smut, reader is rather oblivious and ditzy, jealousy, getting hit on

𖤓 Wish me luck? By @koqabear 6.2k, Taehyun x reader x Huening Kai, idol au, make up artist reader, mentions of the other members, smut, slight fluff, part of a mini rockstar series

𖤓 Addicted to you By @koqabear 4.7k, Taehyun x reader x Beomgyu, unspecified au, poly situation, established relationship, V dynamic (reader dates both, they aren't dating one another), smut, slight fluff, returning from a trip abroad

𖤓 Nights like these By @koqabear 7.7k, Yeonjun x reader x Taehyun, roommates au, fluff, drinking, discussions of past hook-ups, smut, love confessions kind of

𖤓 11.58pm By @agustdiv1ne 4.9k, Yeonjun x reader x Taehyun, frat boys TXT, friends to ???, threesome, poly situation, stoners, recreational marijuana, smut, car sex, slight fluff

𖤓 Big fan By @hyuukais SMAU, established relationship, formula one racer reader, idol Taehyun, reader is known for being a big fan of kpop, going public, fluff

𖤓 Taehyun as your gym crush By @bowlofsoob SMAU, strangers to friends to lovers, college setting, gym buddies, fluff, accidental confessions

𖤓 "PICTURES I POSTED ON MY IG STORY JUST FOR MY CRUSH TO SEE" trend By @lost-leopard-beanie SMAU, fluff, hint at college au, humour, trying to get your crushes attention

𖤓 Boyfriend texts By @cherrycbg SMAU, established relationship, fluff, teasing, crack, texts with bf, joke gaslighting

𖤓 Icy stance By @sunlightwoo 9.4k, fantasy/elemental powers au, Ice king Taehyun, fire wielder reader, fluff, angst, soulmates, hybrid powers, meet-cutes, connections, strangers to lovers

𖤓 Citrus apology By @thetxtdevil 1.3k, established relationship, unspecified au, playful teasing, arguments over who is smarter, smut, fluff

𖤓 Royal guard [part 1] & [part 2] By @thetxtdevil 1.5k & 2.8k, royal reader, royal guard Taehyun, smut, mentions of Beomgyu, slight fluff, jealousy

𖤓 Witch's brew By @thetxtdevil 3k, fantasy au, witch reader, familiar/demon Taehyun, smut, slight fluff

𖤓 Amazon Wishlist By @tyunkus 5.5k, roommates au, looking through your amazon wishlist, gamer Taehyun, mentions of friend TxT, smut, fluff

𖤓 Princess treatment By @ghstzzn 3.8k, Yeonjun x reader x Taehyun, college au??, friends w/benefits, clubbing, slight drinking, smut, kind of fluff, poly in a sense

𖤓 Pretty eyes By @banggyu0308 4.7k, Taehyun x reader x Yeonjun, non-specified au, art student reader, established relationship between Yeonjun & reader, smut, slight fluff

[shuadotcom]

Smoke & Mirrors (M)

🎡 Summary: You’re feeling uncharacteristically adventurous and your boyfriend just can’t say no to you.

🎡 Pairing: Stoner!Seungcheol x Stoner!Afab Reader

🎡 Genres & AUs: Smut, established relationship au

🎡 Rating: 18+ (MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED)

🎡 Warnings: Marijuana usage, profanity, hair pulling, pet name (baby), dirty talk, blowjob, unprotected sex, mirror sex, sex while high, semi-public sex, creampie

🎡 Words: 3.6k

🎡 Note: Written for @k-vanity's Wanderlust Festival.

Genre/ride: smut - ferris wheel Trope/event: petting zoo - established relationship

Thank you to my beta bby @horanghater mwah 💋

Taglist: @duhnova @gyuwoncheol @multi-kpop-fanfics 💗

“Oh my god. The carnival is in town.” You spring up on the couch from where you’ve been lounging, head in Seungcheol’s lap. He nearly drops the bong in his hands, but manages to keep it in his grasp.

“You wanna…go to the carnival?” He asks, his sentence coming out just slightly slower than usual. Your Saturday date nights with Seungcheol typically consist of getting stoned, watching tv, stuffing your faces, and then fucking a few times, but you’re feeling restless and adventurous tonight and are itching for something else to do. 

Saying no to you has never been one of your boyfriend’s strong suits, which is why you make the short walk from your apartment a couple of blocks to the fairgrounds. Living in the city means easy access to things you need and it helps that it’s the middle of fall, so the air is chilly, but not uncomfortably so, making the walk enjoyable.

“What if people figure out we’re…high?” Seungcheol asks after you arrive and purchase your tickets. He looks around and whispers that last part as you file into the entrance.

“They won’t as long as you stop acting suspicious!” Seungcheol raises his eyebrow at you and purses his lips.

“Me? Suspicious?” You blink back at him, two of you having an impromptu staring contest before bursting into a fit of shared giggles. You likely look insane to the people passing by you standing off to the side, doubled over in laughter, but you don't pay them any mind. Seungcheol’s wide smile and infectious laugh are all you can concentrate on.

When you finally get a grip on yourselves, you take his hand and drag him behind you onto each ride you can. Typically, you’d be hesitant about getting on a ride that came out of a suitcase, but the weed makes you more daring and puts you in a good mood. It helps that Seungcheol, who normally would prefer to stay on the ground, goes on each ride with you, even if he’s a little more apprehensive than you.

Seungcheol lets you drag him around to all of the fast-paced rides first: the tilt-a-whirl, the pirate swing, the slingshot ride, bumper cars - anything that satisfies your cannabis-induced need for speed. He even lets you buy some feed to give to a few farm animals in the small petting zoo. Unfortunately, he does need to practically lift you in his arms to lead you away from the piglet you attempt to steal numerous times. (“We can name him Wilbur!” “That pig is not ours, Y/n!” is the last thing the animal’s owner hears, frowning as you’re taken away.)

Between putting your life and trust in the hands of bored looking carnival workers, you and Seungcheol make it a point to eat. You had left your apartment before you got too deep into your munchies stash, so you had to make up for it with as much funnel cake and kettle corn you can inhale without getting sick.

“Can we please go on the ferris wheel?” Seungcheol pouts at you after you finish off your pretzels. 

You’re surprised, eyeing the giant wheel a few feet away from the picnic table you’re sitting at. 

“You wanna go on the ferris wheel?”

“I need a break from all the fast and furious rides and that’s the only one that will slow your crazy ass down.” He laughs and you can’t help that your eyes stay locked on the way his eyes squint and his nose crinkles when he lets out the sound - one of your favorite sounds.

You relent because of course you do, and you let him take you to the ferris wheel with him. Seungcheol holds his hand out to help you enter the ferris wheel cart then files in after you, the ride worker shutting the door tight behind you. Seungcheol sits close to you in the small box, his thighs pressing against yours as you wait to start your ascent. 

Once the ride finally starts to move, you marvel at the way everything beneath you gets smaller and smaller the higher you move, even if it’s slow and easy-paced. Seungcheol glances out the window on his side here and there, but the weed doesn’t seem to be doing enough to ease his mind at the new heights you reach on the wheel.

To distract him, you reach out and hold his hand, startling him, but he recovers quickly and grips your hand. His fingers are cool as they link with yours, his hand soft and secure.

Something in you stirs and you let your eyes wander, refamiliarizing yourself with the shape of his hands. Your eyes trail up to his arm covered in a jacket that isn’t too tight but still hugs his biceps enough. It’s not zipped all the way so you can see his chest underneath, the cotton shirt underneath hugging his defined pecs (and by god are they defined).

It only takes you a few minutes to feel your stomach churns with a familiar need for Seungcheol. You squeeze your thighs together as you eye his neck and up to his face. All of the skin along the way is much too clear and mark-free if you do say so yourself.

He’d taken his beanie off when you got on the ride and you can see how messy his hair is, especially after he ran his hand through it as many times as he did while you waited for the ride to start. You want to run your fingers through the dark strands so bad. 

So you do. Seungcheol is surprised but doesn’t shy away from your hand. He does the opposite in fact, bringing his head closer to make it easier for you. Seungcheol has a lot of qualities you like and one of those is how even though he’s usually in charge in the bedroom, it takes little to no time to initiate intimacy with him. 

He simply cannot say no to you.

Knowing this, you start to move your hand down, giving his hair one last comb through before grazing your fingers over his thick neck, fingers tapping the sensitive skin as you go. Seungcheol sighs, leaning into your touch and you go down to his bicep, squeezing it as you keep going until your hand lands over the crotch of his sweatpants. 

That seems to break Seungcheol from the daze he had slipped into when you started touching him. He looks at you wordlessly, red-rimmed eyes half-lidded but still asking you a million questions. What are you doing? Are you sure? Here?

Wordlessly, you give him your answer by squeezing his already half-hard cock. You’re so damn lucky that weed makes your boyfriend just as needy the same way it does for you.

Seungcheol groans but doesn’t stop you and instead spreads his legs wider, inviting you in. 

Without hesitation, your hand slips into the waistband of his sweatpants and his underwear 

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, head slowly angling back to the window of the cart.

“Want you so bad, Cheol,” you whisper even though there’s no one around. “Wanna suck your cock. Can I please?”

“Shit, baby of course.” Seungcheol helps you pull the waistband of his sweatpants down enough to expose the opening in his boxers. You fish out his cock, the heaviness of it weighs in your hand and you can feel just how sticky your panties are against you. You have enough sense to glance out of the ferris wheel card window and you notice that you’re still inching at a snail's pace to the top.

Bending over still in your seat, you give the head of Seungcheol’s dick a few kitten licks. A deep sound rumbles in his chest and it almost makes you moan in response just hearing him.

But time is of the essence, so you swallow him down your throat in one go, the man bucking his hips and yelping in response. His hands fly to your hair, fingers weaving into the base of your strands to tug.

Moaning at the slight sting, you bob your head, letting his dick slide against your tongue, making sure to hollow your cheeks as you work him. Seungcheol loves it when you gag around his length so you do it for him, letting his cockhead nearly hit the back of your throat each time you bring your head down.

“Fuck, babe. You’re so fucking good at sucking my cock…” his words draw out as he starts to fuck your face, albeit lazily. You hum out affirmatively around him, your pussy clenching at the praise. 

Your hands wrap around all of him that you can’t take, moving in tandem with your head as you gulp him down, listening to his heavy grunts echo off of the cart walls. It mixes with the wet sound of your mouth working him up and taking him in over and over again.

When Seungcheol starts to pant frantically, you know he’s close.

“Mmm, want you to cum in my mouth,” you drawl around his length, only coming up for a big gulp of air and to tell him what you want.

“W-wait, I wanna fuck you.” The fingers that are tangled in your hair still as he tries to lift you from his cock.

You let him fall from your mouth and sit up, pouting at him. “I don’t think there’s enough room, Cheol.” He seems to remember where you are and how small the space you’re in is.

“Y/n, I can’t wait till we get back to your place. I might cum in my pants on the walk back.”

The thought makes you giggle which earns you a sharp smack on your thigh. You can feel the sting through your leggings and it only serves to make you wetter, your panties inevitably a complete mess.

“Hmm…how about when the ride is up if you can find someplace to fuck me we can do it here.”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, Seungcheol’s expression turns serious, clearly a man on a mission. He finally turns to take in the ground beneath you, scanning for some place, any place, to take you away from prying eyes. Just long enough to fill you with his seed and watch the look on your face as you cum all over him - for him. 

The ferris wheel is beginning its descent as he tucks himself back into his pants and you think he sees something that may be promising, a determined look on his face. When you safely reach solid ground and your cart door opens it’s his turn to drag you around the grounds.

You walk past plenty of rides with their bright lights and loud sounds trying to distract you from what you both want - no, need - right now. All of the booths and rides seem to be running and packed with patrons, nowhere private in sight as of yet.

The answer comes to you when the two of you stumble upon a mirror maze attraction. The building has a ‘closed’ sign on the front doors which are assumedly locked tight.

This doesn’t deter Seungcheol as he simply sneaks with you around the building, looking for some way to get you both inside. When he finds that the back door to the attraction is way too conveniently unlocked, you think of it as a gift from the universe. The universe obviously wants you two to fuck and has handed this to you.

Seungcheol holds your hand tight as he goes into the door first, tiptoeing into a back room, presumably where workers would be when the attraction was live. There is another door that leads you right into the maze. The lights are dim, but they’re on and you can’t help but wonder if someone plans on coming in here at some point.

He takes you far enough into the attraction that you’re surrounded by nothing but yourself, but you’re still close enough to where you came in. The last thing either of you want is to get lost and need to call for help.

“It’s so weird seeing myself so many times. Do I look silly?” You question out loud, eyes sweeping over all of your reflections surrounding you. It makes you a little dizzy seeing so many copies of yourself.

“Of course not, baby. You look as beautiful as always.” Seungcheol’s words echo through your mind when you finally notice he’s behind you now, meeting your eyes through the mirror when you look up. 

He's pressed up against your back, his hard cock obvious against you. “So pretty and all mine.” Seungcheol grabs your jaw and turns your head to the side to bring his lips crashing into yours. His tongue immediately pushes through the seam of your lips, wrapping around yours as he grinds against you fully clothed.

You moan into each other’s mouths as his hands move to grab at every part of you - your tits, your stomach, your thighs, your ass. Seungheol explores your body and your mouth and it leaves you as nothing but absolute putty in his hands.

When he pulls away from you, you whine in protest and he places a peck on your cheek.

“I know, sweetheart, but I need to be inside that pussy so badly. You want that too, right?”

“God, yes, please. I need you so bad, Cheol.”

“Fuck yeah, you do. Gonna give you what you need, baby.” He hurries to pull his sweats and his underwear down enough for his length to be free, letting the fabric rest around his thighs. He helps you shimmy your leggings and panties down your legs and drop at your ankles. You’re close enough to the mirror now that Seungcheol bends you over, your hands resting on the cold glass.

“Look at you already, baby. Already dripping for me just from sucking me off and making out?” Seungcheol taps the head of his cock against your ass then down to your pussy lips. He nudges it against your folds once before pulling back, and you whimper at the loss. 

“Yes, please, Cheol. Need to feel you. Need you to fill me up.”

“Fuck, baby and I will.”

Through the mirror you watch Seungcheol bring his hands around you to your mouth, offering you his index and middle finger. “We have to be quick, so can you help me get you ready?” 

Without a second thought, you’re nodding and when he brings his fingers around to your mouth, you suck them in greedily, making eye contact with him through the mirror. You suckle on his digits, wrapping your tongue around them just like you did to his dick.

When he deems his fingers sufficiently coated, he pops them out of your mouth and brings them to your sticky folds. His first stop is your clit, rubbing a few circles into the sensitive nub. Your head falls forward as a long, drawn-out squeal leaves you as soon as he makes contact. You’re already so wet and wound up that you don’t think you’ll last very long at this rate. Lucky for you, your boyfriend is at the same point, his breath shuddering as he slides his fingers inside of you, reveling in how warm and tight you are.

Seungcheol’s thick fingers piston in and out of you, scissoring them with each plunge back into your heat. You love the feeling of him prepping you. He always takes his time to get you ready to take him, giving you extra care, but this is different. You’re not in one of your beds or even the car;  you have to be quick to avoid getting caught, but you also need him badly.

“Cheol, please just fuck me, please. Can’t wait anymore.”

“I wanna take my time with you, but fuck, I can’t wait either.”

When he pulls his fingers from you, you look up again and through the mirror, you watch him suck on them, eyes fluttering closed momentarily as he savors your taste. Then he’s grabbing at your hips, his cock nudging your entrance. 

Your eyes roll back when he finally slips in, sheathing himself perfectly into your walls. The two of you share a noise of pleasure, his much deeper than yours, and you swear you can hear the bass in his voice vibrate through him and into you. It drives you absolutely insane.

Seungcheol’s hands take hold of your hips, starting at a pace that already has you breathless. Your palms lay flat against the mirror in front of you, fingers splayed to keep you balanced. He fucks into you frantically and with power, the slaps of his pelvis smacking into your ass sound bass-boosted to your ears and it’s your favorite sound at this moment.

The weed always makes feeling Seungcheol inside of you so much better than it already does when you’re sober. Coupled with how he’s driving into you so quickly and so harshly, you feel that much closer to floating away. All of your senses are on hyperdrive as he pistons his hips harder and harder, only making your cries and mewls for him that much louder as your eyes slip closed.

“God, you sound amazing, baby. But you look even better.” Seungcheol cups your face to keep you focused on the mirror in front of you. “Open your eyes.” It’s a demand, not a question, so you do. 

Sweat beads at your forehead, your droopy, red-tinged eyes staring back at you looking wild. Your tits bounce even from underneath your jacket due to Seungcheol’s thrusts. The mirror is fogged up where you’re breathing and your hands keep readjusting to keep you up, leaving sweaty prints in their wake. Seungcheol looks no different behind you. His eyes are tired but still boring into yours with each thrust, his tongue darting out to lick his already saliva-slick lips as his face glistens with sweat.

His broad chest rises and falls underneath his layers and you can’t help but think about just how good he looks when he’s not bundled up. The thought makes you clench around Seungcheol’s dick and it only serves to make him fuck into you harder, shoving his length so deep into you that you swear you feel him in your chest.

“Fuck me, Cheol, fuck gonna cum!” You sob, legs trembling to hold you up as your words slur together. 

“Yes, yes, come on, baby, cream all over my fucking dick.” Fingers that know your body almost better than you know yourself reach around you, pressing between your thighs and rubbing your clit. 

It takes only a few tweaks to have you falling apart, mouth hanging open as you do your damnedest to bite back the squeal you want to let out. Shockwaves roll over you as Seungcheol’s powerful hips thrust into you one, two, three more times and then he’s cumming too. The warm, sticky feeling of him milking himself into you has your eyes rolling back and your body going lax against the mirror. 

With the only sounds now being just you and Seungcheol breathing heavily, you become acutely aware of just how fucked out you look. You wonder if people will be able to tell that your boyfriend just rearranged your guts in such a public place.

“Hey,” Seungcheol interrupts your train of thought by tapping your thigh to bring your attention to him. You meet his eyes in the mirror and he flashes you a warm, reassuring smile. “Let’s get out of here?” 

He helps you right yourself and pulls your leggings up, then redresses himself. He takes your hand once more and you’re able to sneak back out of the attraction, easily avoiding getting caught. 

“I can’t believe we just did that,” you snicker, your earlier adrenaline rush quickly returning now that you’ve gotten away with what you wanted.  

“That’s probably the craziest thing I’ve ever done,” he mumbles and you agree with him, sharing more laughter with him as you loop your arm through his.

Could you curl up right now and take a nap? Yes. Could you also do a lap around the fairgrounds like a crazy person? Also yes. But, when you catch sight of Seungcheol’s disheveled hair that he’s run his fingers through a thousand times tonight and his red lips that he’s still biting between his teeth, you only want to do one thing.

“We can do something else crazy if you want,” Seungcheol glances over at you, curiosity written all over his face as he takes in your words.

“Oh? And what’s that?”

“Mmm, well the outdoor loveseat on my patio is spacious enough for both of us. And there’s a chance someone could see us up there if you were feeling up to being daring again.”

“Since when were you so open to exhibitionism?” 

“Since I let you fuck me in a closed-down carnival attraction that anyone could’ve walked into at any time.” 

Seungcheol licks his bottom lip again and you want so badly to have that be your tongue on him. 

“Let’s go back to your apartment,” he finally decides (not that it takes him very long to do so). “But I wanna eat you out first. Gotta have you ride my face for everyone to see.” His words go straight to your cunt, wetness already pooling and mixing with his cum still tucked inside of you. 

And just like that, you’re thanking the past, much more stoned you for feeling adventurous. You have a feeling after tonight, even more adventures await you and Seungcheol, and all of them more than likely involve you crying out his name. 

You can’t wait.

Net tags: @kflixnet @kbookshelf

[writingmochi]

“smirch” episode 2: jay

cast: skater & stoner!jay ✗ rival school student!fem.reader

synopsis: jay park likes liberty, something he felt every time he is either high or on his skateboard. selling weed for the students along with sunghoon, jay will do anything that helps him survive his life in korea. at a time when two rival schools are in a rugby match, it is the perfect time to do business, but he’s intrigued with you, a student from the rival school, who brought a plastic bag of cans of cat food

genre: teen drama, coming of age, slice of life, high school au, fluff, comedy, angst, mature content (drugs, suggestive themes, mental health)

based on: tv shows skins uk; specifically gen 1 banner intro video inspired by series 1′s opening (2007-2013) and skam norway (2015-2017)

word count: 27442 (27.4k)

warning(s): mc has anxiety and selective mutism, mention of overprotective parents, mention of neglectful parents, mention of drugs and consumption of drugs (cigarette and marijuana), drug-dealing, mentions of minor injuries, mention of dead animal, steamy make-out scene, not really a warning but mc used to live in the UK so she's gonna use british slangs and words equivalent to the ones used in american english (if i forget some or wrong in some way, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction. do be careful and read the warnings at the top as both the chapter and the series as a whole will contain serious and sensitive topics.

hello! thank you for waiting a FREAKING YEAR since the last episode my god. this is supposed to be released on jay's birthday and 420 day (cause he is a stoner in this fic *wink*) but because of a tragedy that landed the kpop industry. i didn't post it out of respect. so i try to polish it as best as i could which means adding and deleting plots that make sense within this fic and the smirch series (if you've read heeseung's ep, you're gonna see references that are thrown here too) also, because both mc and jay comes from a wealthy family with a business, you're gonna read business jargons from my business major and from watching too many "succession". oh, i’ve also opened an ask my character/behind-the-writing content for this series that you can check out right here. definitely recommend it if you are curious about what the characters have been up to in between the episodes so do ask and enjoy the messiness!

masterlist

jay felt naked without his skateboard by his side, but that is the consequence of delivering the stuff this day. heads upon heads all moving to one side as he lets out a tremendous sigh. his friends walk in front of him into the field on the school grounds, yet it’s not his school.

multiple pairs of feet drag on the stony pathway as they are walking around him, but he’s standing still in the middle of this commotion. jay opens the zipper of his backpack that dangles only one strap on his shoulder, pulling out the black plastic bag sat inside with his small notebook that has his marker stuck to it. after zipping the back, pages open as he searches for today’s date, who bought it, and the amount they're paying: matching the names to the accounts they used to contact him on their location—the plastic bag dangling on his wrist.

looking up from the book and screen, he can see his friends strolling to the bleachers—jake somewhere on the field, warming up for his match. jay sensed a tap on his shoulder as he faces where the touch comes from, seeing sunghoon looking at him; a smirk formed on his face and an unknown girl wrapped around his arm, not from the two schools competing today.

“you can handle giving them by yourself, right jjong?” sunghoon questioned, eyebrows raised as he retreats his hand back while jay’s looking at his best friend and the girl he knows he will find the next morning at their flat.

“of course, i’m used to it. fucker.” he replied, rolling his eyes, as the two boys chuckles. sunghoon then walks away, leaving him alone as he sees his friend’s hand lowering down the girl’s back—walking somewhere that isn’t the seat of the rugby match. jay looks at the two sets of bleachers behind the tall silver fences, one where his school seats—the maroon and silver uniform ties on the necks of the people watching are enough for him to know—and the other where the rivals seat with their dark blue blazers instead of the black ones decelis uses. his eyes scanning the perimeter for the faces of the people that are going to pick up their order, looking for the appearance he has memorized from stalking their instagram profiles.

when the bat mascot came out to the sidelines, waiting for the teams to arrive at the field, he already meets a few of his customers. one was a member of a dance club of the school called “stray kids“. another one is the bassist for a band club that was rejuvenated after the seniors that are leaving one by one because of graduation. by the time he made his way to 1/4 off his list, he detects the orange and blue outfit of the moon knights, eyes scanning for a specific back which has written ‘sim 05’ on it, seeing his friend huddle up with the coach and his teammates. his eyes didn’t leave the field before the kick-off—the perfect time to hand the rest as other people are too focused on the game.

walking all around the bleachers—both of his own school and the rivals—jay can’t help to find the place where his friends sit. while walking down the stairs by the seats, he found them. taehyun recording the match with his digital camera, kai watching while also having another agatha christie book in his hand, sunoo and his best friend cheering for jake and following the chants that the seniors signals on the drums beside the bat mascot, and heeseung sitting beside beomgyu’s sister, hands interlock with each other while the brother is nowhere to be found.

jay does this every time his school has an event: opening a batch order along with sunghoon, closing it around three days before so he can pick the leaves and package them in his flat, then giving it to the people for a cash amount. a sporadic shop opens if they go to parties he or his friends find; usually either from heeseung, sunghoon, or beomgyu. all in all, he has done it so that he could be financially independent—as much as a high schooler could be independent. jay knew his market and the demand—something he learned from visits to his dad’s company back when he was in the US—he utilizes that as best as he can, being a homemade dealer who grew his stuff himself.

nearing the end of his list was around halftime for the rugby match. he can see the echos—decelis cheerleading team—doing their performance while the chants of his schoolmates' echos on the open field and surrounded by levant high; the home of their rivals today. a loyal customer of his just left his peripheral after getting her order as his eyes wander to the two bleachers he stood in between before landing on a group of cheerleaders from levant on the opposite side with their glittery purple outfits. aura is written on their torso in white with a flowy style like the ones the wind wakers has on their merchandise for enticing school spirit in the match season.

that’s when his eyes move again to see one of the cheer members sitting beside a girl in levant‘s blue blazer, speaking to her as she looks to the grass beneath her feet. a dark plastic back in her hands hanging above ground, swaying slowly from the blow of wind.

the echos finish performing as the cheer member besides the girl stood up before ruffling the girl’s hair, earning an offended look from her as the cheer member laughs before going to the field. jay then watches the other cheer member standing up to huddle with the member who sat beside the girl—the cheer captain—as they all give you a look that lingers on you, something burning as her shoulders slightly pop. even he could feel that sudden shiver from a few meters away. the girl sits back on the seat as she lifts the plastic bag and a hand appears to push it up onto her lap. something heavy is inside it.

the auras perform as he delivers the last orders on his list before going to the seat that taehyun and sunoo have put their bags on for his place as the second half starts. but he didn’t watch the match all the time. unlike his friends, his gaze somehow landed on where the girl is sitting. seeing her sit on the seat while eyes trailed the ball flying in the air, unlike the cheer captain beside her chatting along and cheering for the team. not even seeing her opening her mouth to speak.

it is the end of the match when he also stood up on the bleachers as the knights defeat the wakers by such a small margin. a well-performed comeback by jake as he gets the final score, seeing heeseung running down the bleachers and hugging the team along with jake’s teammates. jay lets out a smirk as he can watch the wide face on jake’s face—he deserves the captain role for this season—before his eyes view the disappointed levants who lose in their own home. a face of gloom as their crowd cheers for a good match, showing their sportive side.

he and his friends climb down from the bleachers as the decelis crowd blends in with the levants on the way out, creating a mob that moves in one stream like sardines. he bumps other students from all over his sides as they all just want one thing, to go out of the goddamn place. that’s when somebody slams onto his body with too much force, his abdomen pushed by a heavy item as he arrives at the open area where the crowd disperses. the person who bumps him must not be too far from him as he turns his head before something heavy rolls against his foot.

a can with a photo of a cat at the front?

jay looks up from the can that rests on his foot to find a girl crouching down, picking up similar cans in her hands before putting them into the plastic bag, a black plastic bag.

when she turns her body and walks away, jay finally realizes who she is. who he bumps into—well, who bumps into him.

the girl he saw before by the auras. you.

your figure retreats as he picks up the can before it got destroyed by people stomping on it. straightening his body, he glances at a few girls walking in front of him in levant‘s cheer uniform. the girl who sat beside you is one of them.

“so you’re just gonna let your sister walk away like that?” one of them said. seeing the girl clearer as something pops up in his head. familiarity.

“yeah, what a weirdo.” another said before they all looked at the girl. he tries to match the face with the name that he knows he recognized.

“let her be. i shouldn’t force her to sit with us.” her voice says as they travel away to the school building. jay stares at them as the name and face click in his head, his eyes glance to look at your retreating figure. connecting the last puzzle piece to find the connection between the two of you.

as a partygoer and a dealer, he has a fair share of people he recognizes either by buying his stuff or just by popularity. she is in the latter category.

jay knew the girl’s name is somi, and she is a senior. he can assure himself that he knows the face and, now, the name. he wasn't aware that she has a sister.

is that why you were so estranged?

jay’s head turns towards where you go as his tall stature helps to find you turning a corner outside the field and on the main street of the school. his legs instantly reacting as he chases after you, his backpack on his back while the can is in his hand. he almost lost you, a few seconds behind your figure. you turned away to a corner as he arrived at the intersection, disappearing like a ghost walking through a wall. but when he arrived at a small street right near levant high and don’t see you, he walks ever so slowly on the asphalt road. an entrance to an alley is visible in his view.

jay peeks from the corner to find someone crouching in the empty small alley wider than his wingspan. an abundance of fluff surrounding the figure, realizing the dark blue blazer the figure wears.

you.

meows surround you as jay also hears the sound of cracked open aluminium and you dropping the contents near the alley’s wall. the animals enclose as they all lean down to eat the food you give. jay steps in closer as he sees you tilting your head at the stray cats eating their food. the salty smell of fish filled the air as he focuses on how a smile formed on your face. even though he only saw a half, he can know yours is a pretty sweet one like a few of his friends have. his shoes moving on the ground creates a few scrapping noises that make the cats’ ears perk but haven’t moved their heads yet and focus on their food. the hand holding the can have sweat forming on it.

he steps closer as carefully as ever, doesn’t want to distract you or the cats and kittens he sees enjoying the feast. but his nose twitched every time he steps closer so that he could give the can. the felines’ ears perk again as he steps closer, the itch on his nose getting stronger as he tried his best to rub it away with his empty hand.

god must hate him as his face contorts, letting out his manly-ass sneeze.

his eyes immediately open to find the cats all having their fur rising, tails puffing up, and you drop to your knees from your crouching position—a shocked look on your face as it turns to despair when the cats run away from where you both are. your head turns to the cats running to hide as you then turn towards him, eyebrows furrowed.

“ugh.” was all you can let out as you put the contents of the can you held on to the leftovers of the feast. jay looks at you, guilt swallowing him up.

“sorry. i, i wanted to give you this.” he pushed the can to you as you crouched back, eyes squinting at him before you pulled the can from his grasp and put it into the empty plastic bag that you’d put in your blazer pocket.

he sees you moving from your position as you sit on the ground and lean against the wall across from where the cats should be eating. you were tying up the bag with the last can you didn’t notice was not there in your bag. you rub your face with the back of your hand, expecting the decelis boy to leave before you heard the scrapes and someone sliding down beside you. peering from the corner of your eyes you see the decelis rummaging from the pocket in his backpack and pulling out two things—one of them is a lighter.

he puts a stick that looks too thick to be a cigarette between his lips, cupping his hand near the lit flame as he inhales before letting out a cloud of white smoke, head leaning back against the wall like you. you find out the scent you smell is no scent of burning tobacco.

the guy’s a freaking stoner.

jay can sense the burning gaze on the side of his head as he looks to see you peering at him, eyes wandering from his side profile to the joint in his hand. he takes that you didn’t notice his prolonged stare at you, your sight focusing on the stick in his hand.

“a joint?”

jay spoke, feeling regret as he could only offer that. the only one he had left in his bag. his hand recognizes the heat spreading inside the stick as you look up at his face before returning to the item in his hand. that’s when you pinch the stick between your own fingers and he lets go, letting you take a small inhale. he thought you might cough from the unfamiliar sensation but you surprised him by taking another inhale, this time a large one, as you let out a fluffy white cloud.

you can handle your smoke seriously, jay thought.

“you’ve smoked before?” he asked, seeing you pause your hand with the joint between your fingers. he sees your eyes moving from his face to the joint then back, shaking your head.

“cigarettes then,” he said as you shrug, giving out the joint back into his fingers as you turn to gaze at the abandoned cat food, no cat in sight. jay can’t help but listen in on the serenity of the situation. in an alley somewhere near his rival school, deep enough to muffle all the sounds of car honks, people talking, and legs bustling down the street. he stays there with someone who seems to appreciate the serene atmosphere too. maybe enjoying it too much because he hadn’t heard you talk at all.

“sorry that we won against your school. i just have to tame my friend down in the field so y’all can get your chance.” he chuckles right at the end as you shrug your shoulders, a remorseful expression on your face before giving a nod and a thumbs up.

jay takes another puff as the cloud floats to the blue sky between buildings not tall enough to engulf the two of you. the white joins in with the water-made clouds on the blue background. though he enjoys the quietness, it still weirds him out, especially coming from having someone else living with him.

being flatmates with sunghoon and heeseung has its perks, but quietness is not one of them—especially for sunghoon cause he never seems to be quiet because it’s either he, the girl he brought home, his bed, or his wall that creates the noise. coming from a place like seattle was different enough, a place on the west coast of the american continent that, in his opinion, is a balance between loud and calm. but then, his parents decide to move him from a seaport city to a metropolis in korea without their guidance, just knowing heeseung—back then an acquaintance of his because both of their fathers are friends—goes here to decelis high.

jay was a special kid. an only child of a new money family who, by destiny, will be the only one to inherit the wealth his dad has accumulated. his parents know this too: making him go to different classes to learn the most spoken language other than his native korean and sort-of native english; treating him to the highs of life by bringing him to go to vacation in a yacht; and all the craps he has done. but jay has always wanted one thing.

liberty.

no matter what he wants, his parents will always be involved. if he wants a toy car, his dad always bought a lamborghini one, not knowing he wants a BMW instead. when he wants to eat fried chicken, they brought him to a fine dining restaurant at a hotel when all he wants was to eat fast-food fried chicken at KFC. it all seems, to him, his parents don’t respect his own wants and needs; always divert him to the “correct” path so he could stay in the upper-class lane in a minority part of some 400 million-populated united states.

that’s why he agreed to go home to his home country on his own. heeseung—being there—is enough for his parents to trust him. all of that so he can get the freedom he craves.

jay’s savings are always brimming with his parents’ allowance that is much bigger for his liking, believing that their son wants to pamper himself and heeseung if he likes. he is always been a generous fellow after all—giving tips to the minimum wage workers he encountered. but he always lied to his parents when asking about how much money he now has on his debit card, hiding from them he hasn’t spent much at all. because he rather tried to get money on his own.

teenagers like to experiment with other things to find their “true” selves. so it isn’t a surprise that drugs are one of them.

jay always thought that drugs were always a bad thing. but when he discovered that caffeine is also a drug, his perspective changed. drugs are dangerous because of how people want to consume them; it could be addictive, it could be hallucinogenic, and it could be depressant. it can get you high or it can make you travel to another dimension. cigarettes were too common for a drug along with caffeine and alcohol, and he doesn’t want to break people up by making chemical-based drugs like cocaine or meth. he picked the safest and most natural route that gives enough high: weed.

he didn’t expect he got a best friend and business partner who will do what he wants. sunghoon is a classmate of his back from his first year until now. they’re seatmates too back then as they both have the same surname of “park”—the only ones in class. sunghoon told him everything. his parents, being diplomats, made him stay at home with his beloved grandfather nearly two hours away from school. they talked about each other’s struggles to be from such high-status parents that they bond easily. sunghoon’s grandfather was a pretty rebellious kid himself—as told by his grandson—so he allowed sunghoon to live with him and heeseung, not wanting to tie him down.

jay comes to like and enjoy his group of friends. heeseung and sunghoon are his flatmates, jake the jock—though the boy himself doesn’t like the stereotyping, kai the brain, taehyun the quiet, sunoo the friendly, and beomgyu, who is seemingly the de facto leader alongside heeseung. with the inclusion of girls too such as sunoo’s childhood friend and beomgyu’s sister who is seemingly on good terms with heeseung after the debacle between them and her brother. he can see the cracks in the group there, getting more showing as beomgyu seems to be more unexpected than ever, taehyun staying by his side more often than usual.

“so you don’t talk or?” his mouth blurted out as he can only think of one thing with your quiet self beside him. his head moves to examine the corners of your mouth lifted, mouthing “depends” and he can pick up how the air around creates a slight sound from how your mouth moves.

hearing something rubbing the asphalt, he turns to see you’ve stood up, one hand holding the plastic bag with the last can of cat food, the other pulling out your phone from your blazer. as the screen illuminates your face, your eyes widen before you glance back at him. your palm opens, curving motion to him as he puts his palm in it as both grasp with each other and you pull him up with your might. his head moves flowy as you look closer to his face, seeing his iris dilated but not that much as he seems sober enough.

“go home.” you mouthed, no voice heard, as you pat his shoulder before pointing back behind your shoulder and giving him a tight-lip smile with a small wave. leaving him behind with his joint nearly burnt out in between his lips as he stares at your back before disappearing around the corner.

that was the only time he regretted not bringing his skateboard so he can chase you down. but he found another smell mixing with his marijuana. the scent of a rose that could come from one person: you.

-

the thoughts of you show up in jay’s mind sporadically. any time he catches sight of a stray cat. any time he smells the fragrance of a rose. any time he sees that dark blue blazer on a teenager. it’s as haunting as the day he moved here. the looming presence of his parents on each of his shoulders. you’re now in their place.

it truly is weird, he realized. he didn’t know you until that day. the pieces of knowledge he has about you from that minuscule interaction are: you’re a levant high student and, presumably, you’re the sister of one of the famous students in that, (l/n) somi. jay has always learned to stay determined and focused on what he wants. any knowledge or information he could get that is beneficial to him. but it contradicts what his parents allow or don’t allow him to do or act. he is determined to support his group of friends any other way. he is determined to be independent outside of his wealth. now, he is determined to get to know you.

days have passed since you left that alley. he never expected to see you soon, especially with the heightened rivalry of the rugby season. he never said never because as jake said while twirling his rugby ball, “though we beat them. this is still preliminary. they can come back.” he could still find you someday, sometime.

but the universe said otherwise when he did “errands”, with only a couple of packages left to deliver as he roams the street downtown, passing by buildings of stores when he recognize the arcade heeseung introduced to him a week ago. and the group of dark-blue-blazer-wearing girls crowding a claw machine outside.

the haunting starts once again when he sees the blazer. but this is different. one familiar head stood out to him, the only quiet one in a group of cheering girls, as one of them successfully got a plushie. all except for her.

“great job, lily!” he catches one of them saying as he steps to the side, somehow hidden, but he can still listen to them.

“thanks, guys.” he heard the distinct australian accent—something he’s familiar with from hanging out with jake a tad bit too much.

all of their figures covered the last girl as they faced away from jay. the only one not having their hands full wrapping the plushie. the tallest out of the three approaches the girl. his eyes widen as he realizes who is being hyped up.

“come on! you can do this, (y/n)!” the girl said as she shake your shoulders. you give a tight-lip smile, seeing how tense your body is as if you’re holding something back. another girl with long hair pulls out a silver item from her pocket—a coin glinting under the sunlight. he views how each member of your group kisses the coin with you holding it and giving the ultimate kiss. you push the coin into the slot as the claw machine hums. the girls surround the machine, obscuring him from the prizes.

he was also holding his breath as the claw moved from the joystick you were handling. big shifts to the upper-right side before you do small jerks, adjusting the claw to your chosen prize. the anticipation kills him as he can only watch the descending claw before it’s concealed by the girls’ figures. he waited and waited for at least a che-

“four out of four!!!!”

your friends were jumping around as you kneel to get your prize, laughter flutters in their space from the surprising yet expected outcome. what he can’t believe is that even you laugh, the corner of your lips rising as you smile the widest he has ever seen. but it doesn’t last long as your curved corners fall. when he looks up at your eyes to see them focused on him.

you grasp onto your new—not surprising—kitten plushie, hugging it closer to cover the lower part of your face. your eyes fluttering away from his eye contact but your head is still facing his way as if you’re blanking his existence out of your mind and presence. the sudden change in you felt like whiplash to him, but it’s as if your friends expected it to happen as they near you before guiding you to walk away from the machine and arcade; leaving him with your lingering sense once again. smell, and now, sight.

jay didn’t expect so many orders from levant high students after the game. usually, an influx of sales came during sports season but no influx is attributed to a specific school—he wonders if something happened for them to want to try weed. maybe it’s because of that new tv show filled with teenagers doing unexpected shit, or people trying to experience something new other than cigarettes.

he had to wander from here and there around their area for about a week now, delivering the goods. sometimes finding them in hidden places like a dark pc bang near the rows of shops a few blocks from their school. sometimes in the open at the usual skating park he goes to. it was a wonderful week for his business out of the expected great season he hopefully gets in selling. but it’s also a busy one as his business partner is pining over multiple girls. yes, plural. changing one right after the other any other day. he will not be surprised if his dark circles will be more prominent in the following days as the sound of banging walls comes from behind his headboard.

twirling his black marker, the wind is blowing his hair out. his body tilts and balances as the skateboard beneath him rolls on the roughly-textured flat surface of the sidewalk. he looks at the approaching high walls of his school’s rival, the sea of students splitting up from his way before leaving specks of them as he nears the gates. the boy sees a bunch of people by the bus stop when he stops and kicks his skateboard up to grab it. pulling out his phone, he awaits his last customer’s confirmation of their whereabouts. their last message was to meet him by their school entrance.

jay’s sight wanders around the environment before his feet brought him near the front gate of the school. the benches that line up the road are vacant—he remembers his friends and him waiting there before the match where he is left. the students must have gone back to their respective homes to make them so vacant, but there is no sign of his buyer. that’s when he thought he misheard something.

sniffles.

surely spring’s weather causes people to have a runny nose and make them sniffle it up. but this one is not that. heck, there’s nobody he passes by while he is there listening to that faded sound.

jay turns to find the source before landing on one site. a figure folding its body forward is sitting on one bench obscured beneath the shadow of a tree. their hands covering their face as their body shook from the uncontrollable emotions flowing out. the sniffles getting louder as he nears them. but the scrapes of the ground each time he steps closer didn’t help. the person lifts their upper body before wiping the fallen tears on their cheekbones.

you.

you rubbed away your cheeks multiple times as if the stain still sticks, nibbling your teeth as you look away from the boy in front of you. the sound of a crunchy plastic bag is heard from beside you as he sees the glimpse of aluminium cans inside. his mind returns to how your eyes gazed at him a week back. first with annoyance, second with caution. today, with overwhelming foggy grey resembling the dark clouds waiting for its time to drop rain.

“hey-“

you stood up from the bench when jay called you, grabbing onto your belongings and walking towards him on the almost non-existing dirt path. you stride past his body away as your steps increase in pace, faltering away outside the gates as he turns around. something you have done to him twice. though he is under different circumstances: he doesn’t need to follow you. all he can do is leave you behind to deliver the goods and get his money. or he could follow so he can comfort you. because, though he only knows you as that levant girl who gives food to stray cats, he never offers somebody his roll.

as if he can smell your rose scent as a trace, he frowns before following your retreating figure meters away from him, opening the text to his customer before saying.

“fuck u for ghosting me. u’ll get ur goods tomorrow.“

jay can’t use his skateboard to get to you as the street is full of people. moving around people waiting for the crosswalk lights to turn green, around customers buying street, and any other person of all shapes and sizes. but his tall stature helps him see you at the edge of his vision, catching you turning corners before he runs to get you.

jay heaves as he turns the last corner, his shoulder leaning against the brick wall as he slumps—he regretted not joining the weekly jog jake does along with sunghoon and beomgyu. eyes looking down at the asphalt while he catches his breath, he uprights his figure so he can continue to follow you.

“for fuck-“ he jumps as he sees an apparition in front of him.

you standing right before him.

an unamused look that is unnatural in your bloodshot eyes burns him. yet, for him, it makes sense.

you nibble your bottom lip as you gaze at him, tilting your head, silently telling him to speak. jay never felt this startled that his senses are hyperaware—even he can listen to chirpings from blocks away.

“i wanna offer to help you give out the food.” he made up something as best as he can. yet, he can see from your eyes that you weren’t believing him completely.

“you know, repaying what i’ve done a week ago?” he rubs his neck.

you killed it, jay. for god’s sake. he thought. he can easily turn around before he embarrasses himself again. jay has never been bold to comfort someone. but you intrigue him. you intrigue him so much more than the crush he got on his classmate back in the first year, before sunghoon got her first and hook up with her. how you are, allegedly, the hidden sibling of one of your school’s popular students, is shocking in this day and age where social media and people prying on people’s privacy are normal. yet, you don’t even seem to talk at all and you’re not treated the same as somi is in your environment.

you push your hand out, open palm, as you sniffle back your leftover emotions. with your other hand, you point to the name tag on one side of your blazer.

(l/n) (y/n). the same last name as who he can now confirm is your sister.

“i’m jay.” he shakes your hand with his before he sees you tilting your head again, looking towards his chest. he follows your eyesight to the name tag on his blazer that is written park jongseong.

“it’s my birth name,” he replied before he caught your hum and let go of his grasp. you use your chin to point towards him before turning around, signaling for him to follow you as you grab one can from the dangling plastic bag and push it to his hand.

he tried his best not to scare any feline you’ve called or approach the two of you as you open the canned food, especially trying his best to not sneeze. you and he walk around one neighbourhood full of stray cats as one by one, the weight of the plastic bag lightens with the now empty cans being put inside to be put away and recycled.

in the last alleyway he and you travel, the adult cat there seems to have known your presence, approaching you when you walk closer and rubbing against your legs so you can lean down and pat its head. squeaks and tiny meows enter his ears as he looks at a cardboard box that is lightly shaking. jay approaches closer alongside you as you put the can with the leftover food for the cat, crouching down to see a litter of kittens inside crawling around and even attempting to climb outside the cardboard box. the scratchy sound of the claw against the box’s texture seems to excite the other ones so that they all wake up.

jay felt something wet on his hand as the cat—the mother of the kittens—smell his scent before rubbing her head on his palm, allowing him to pat her head and body gently. you let yourself sit on the asphalt alley as you picked up the kittens outside and onto your skirt-covered lap, hearing your small chuckles along with the kittens’ meow as they scattered around the two of you. he follows suit as a few of them approach him and even climbing onto his skateboard as the kitten’s stance change from the swaying board.

the serenity he recognizes between the two of you comes back in his mind as he stares at the fluffy felines who approach him and then you. one of them seems to like you enough that they stick to you while their siblings wander towards his sitting space or eat with their mom. the sun above them is now falling towards the west as jay enjoys a moment he hasn’t done before. knowing his parents’ “overprotectiveness”, he could never play outside, let alone play with stray animals.

“thank you.” someone says before he lifts his head from a kitten on his lap to you, who is glancing at him. he didn’t even realize it was you who spoke before he is a beat too late.

“she speaks!” jay exclaimed as he sees you pout, shaking your head. as you continue playing with the kittens that are surrounding you. picking one up to put in your lap, you let the kitten playfully bite onto your finger as he stares at it, wondering if you felt the pain from the bites or if you're benumbed by it.

“so, correct me if i’m wrong, but your sister is somi, right?” he asked, which make quiet down before you slowly nod, the corner of your lips turned slightly upside down. yet, jay doesn’t notice and continues his tangent.

“how has anyone not known of your presence?”

“i like it that way.” you cut him off. you sigh as you grab the kitten’s small body off of you, scooting closer. it scared you that your voice might be too soft so he couldn’t hear. well, you rarely talk after all.

“my sister and i are two different people.” you spoke to him, so soft and so articulated that he can hear a certain accent that you have. “what you presume about her cannot be the same as how you presume about me.” you tilted your head away, not wanting to lay your eyes on him. yet, your voice envelops his mind with how pretty yet haunting it is, especially from your quiet persona.

his mind recalls how somi is one of the people in the wealthy crowd. how, technically, you can be known as a chaebol, feeding from the silver spoon that your parents have served you. an old money family and maybe much wealthier than his own family. you lean your head to face him once again, your eyes staring his way but avoiding his own eyes, lips pouting as he gazes at you.

“maybe i’m much more like you,” you said, looking down at your palm before putting two fingers up from one of your hands, resembling how one holds a roll of cigarette right in between the two before they're being grabbed by the kitten as it bites them once again.

you give the kitten on your hold the last few pats before putting the feline on top of his skateboard, letting you scan the scratch on the top side which is dark-coloured, even finding a shoe mark on it.

“why are you here, jongseong?”

jay gulps his saliva down when he heard you call him by his birth name. even with your low-volume voice, the empty atmosphere of the alley lets him hear your words, and it sends shivers down his spine. he never felt this nervous since he tested to go to decelis high. the vision of the future is blurry but he knew that when he passed, he will be happier. but, he just now realized how he has pinned you unconsciously into a box and it terrifies him you notice. he had no choice but to tell the truth.

“you interest me. seeing you cry makes me want to comfort you. seeing you alone on that first row of the crowd catches my eye. seeing you with your plastic bag full of cat food makes me intrigued by you. seeing you here, living your life with a quiet demeanor… you know what i’ll say next.” he let out his thoughts and all you can do is give him a small smile.

“well…” you put your hands on top of where your heart is. chuckles flow out of you, shrugging your shoulders as you let your sight wanders to the alleyway that is only you and he in it.

“it’s funny, innit? how you can easily fancy me when i don’t even try to?” you commented, biting your bottom lip as you accidentally let out the slang words you tried your best not to speak out after moving back here. your gaze goes to his skateboard, “though i am intrigued with riding a skateboard.”

jay’s eyebrows rose from your comment, signaling to him how you want to try it. “you don’t know how to?” he confirmed with your shaking head.

“then, i’ll teach you next time.”

“will there be one?” you glance between your uniform and his which he catches. though you don’t join in on your school’s pop culture, you knew about your school’s rivalry with decelis high. if there was a history of high school fights outside of sports and formal competition, it would be between decelis and levant. though that tradition has dwindled, the tension is still there. that’s why both of your schools tried their best to compete; academically and in other ways. you remembered there was a romeo and juliet situation between both schools way back when and their relationship help with erasing the fighting tradition between the two students. but, there is still an unspoken rule between levant students to not have relations with decelis students whatsoever.

your sister told you to stay away from them after her terrible memories of hooking up with a decelis student. how erratic they are, but they’re also one of the nicest people she knew back then. she knows how narcissistic they are after a few times and now she warns you to stay away. hence, your comment that the boy seems to understand too.

“outside of school grounds. outside of the uniform. you and i, okay?” he replied. the sound of a ringtone playing startled the kittens around him as he picked up his phone. a “shit” fell from his mouth as he answered. you heard him talk about what you can assume to be the weed that he introduces to you but there’s no reason someone calls him about it. does he know someone who sells it?

one of jongseong’s hands wraps around one of your wrists as he uncapped his marker hastily with that same hand—as if he is learning to do that for efficiency. you feel the tickle and moist of the marker on your skin, seeing him writing something on your forearm as you hold it in place while his phone is pushed against his ear. he stopped writing as he holds onto your hand until the call ends and he puts your arm back on your thigh before standing up.

“i have errands to do. sorry for leaving you behind,” he answered, and you helped put the kittens back in the box as the mom jumps in and immediately groomed them. you see the boy already on his skateboard, ready to push his leg and skate away.

“call me, kay?” he gives a small smirk before letting out a last “see ya.” he skates away from the alley, leaving you behind as you unrolled your blazer’s sleeve, seeing the phone number written on your forearm.

-

you miss the home that you had for a decade.

you miss the salty smell of the sea blocks away from your front door and how effortlessly you can go to the pier to take a break from your increasing-in-level studies. it is because you’ve always seen it as a mistake for your parents to bring you back here to seoul, deep down knowing just how much they don’t acknowledge your well-being here. it is as if you haven’t left that town in the first place, seeing yourself as another cog in their clockwork.

brighton is a small town compared to the UK’s capital and not as larger-than-life as the urban metropolis you live in now. but even a place that small can mean so much for a little girl like you who can compare the two. they sent you there after all and you don’t know the detailed reason why they did it, even when you’re in the clouds thousands of meters above the ground. ‘how can they let you go so easily?‘ you remembered yourself pondering, watching the people turning into ants as the hum from the plane continues to sound before it became a common buzz for your ears.

fragmented memories appear in your head as you reflect on how close you are with your sister, somi, back then. “two peas in a pod”, as she likes to say it; always stayed by each other’s side. both of you play house together in a dollhouse your parents bought, do random activities in your backyard garden such as making tea parties, and swim in the large pool your mansion owns—submerged by both the sound of nature muffled with the sloshing water. yet, none of your parents is in your sight during that thing, making housekeepers serve you as they focus on their other child: the conglomerate you will inherit in the future.

or so you thought when your parents bring you along to the airport, assuming that you were going to say your farewells to your uncle and aunt that were going back to the UK—instead of only the couple going home, they have one more person who they brought with them.

somi was too young to give an opinion of letting her younger sister go, wanting her chauffeur to bring her to the airport instead of her elementary school after he told her you went there—something her parents have told him not to tell as they know she will be in a rage, or “nag” as they like to call it. she believed you stayed home because you were sick, not noticing a suitcase prepared right beside your bed as she left you asleep while smoothing down her uniform. as the years went by, she has to live with only chunks of you in her mind having fun while going to school, being self-taught by your parents business jargons, and learn how to manage things such as her stuff; an early management training to early for one’s liking. for the longest time your parents separated you both, she thought they also taught the same thing as her too.

you always believed that they might surprise visit you one day after you came back from primary school, expecting to find your sister’s grin and her suitcase with a different colour compared to yours at the front door of the house you reside in. you’ve wondered if your parents have forgotten you after a year there—making you think they see you as a mere relative—while you know have adapted to your aunt and uncle being your parent figures instead. they taught you everything you needed outside of what you learn in the education system, but seemingly not involving you in the business side of things that you’ve known before. much different from the complicated words somi has to learn back home when she enters elementary. you don’t even remember if you have ever seen your uncle taking any part in the family business, only describing to you the concept of a family trust and how you, he, and your aunt own a part in it.

at the dining table in your last year of primary, your uncle finally told you why you were here.

“it’s because your dad found a successor in somi, like how your granddad saw him back then.“ he then points between you and himself, “we are the spares of the family, (y/n). though we do have a voice, especially in the voting trust, they won’t and don’t give us access to the family business, no matter how useful it is to have more than one family member working even in there.“ your uncle continue as you glance at your aunt, giving you a small nod and a solemn smile.

you grip your utensils, realizing how left out you are, like a pain plunge into your soul as your uncle chuckled, “just like the royal family, only one can be the highest monarch. and our family is running on the same first-child basis as what they have here."

with that knowledge out of the way, you accepted your status. you accept that you’re a trust fund baby and you may lavish on whatever money you can get from the piece of the trust you own. then, you’ve planned out your future. how you will spend your adolescent years here, going until sixth form, doing a-levels, entering a prestigious university here, and then doing whatever you want for the rest of your life.

that is until your parents called you to go back home to korea when you’re entering year 10 of secondary school.

there is fear within you when you face them for the first time in a decade. comparing when you left to when you arrived back is weird, how unfamiliar all of this has been, even though pictures of the environment outside of the window of the car still look the same as the ones burn in your memory; especially not knowing the motives for why they sent you away other than they see you as a spare. yet, they also don’t give any explanation on why they want you back. in a blink of an eye and a step towards them, you don’t know what to say or do in their presence.

you’re not a talkative person per se, one of the quiet ones in your class back in brighton and even quieter now. but the anxiousness grows as you went to the mansion you used to call home, how you watch more housekeepers roaming around than the ones you remember they have. then when you and your entourage arrived, you finally meet your sister wearing her high school uniform. and you couldn’t openly say “hi”, giving only a small wave, to which she replied with a small smile. your sister grew up beautifully, especially with her blonde hair that makes her appearance resemble a barbie doll you both used to play with together. still, you don’t comprehend what your parents are going to do to you and you stayed quiet about it until these days.

going to levant, they expected you to follow what somi is doing by everyone around you. blend in well, be part of the popular kind, go do cheer, wear feminine accessories and style, and you did so because you’re worried—still are—that they’re going to spare you away once again. in your mind, this was a way to redeem yourself, to show them they’re going to regret sending you away. back in your first year of high school, you still have a glimmer of hope that they see you differently and will treat you differently, unlike what your granddad does to your uncle and your dad. but going to school here changes what you thought of as something bad, is now much, much worse.

your quiet demeanour back in brighton allowed others to bully you, but you thought it’s what kids do—joking around about someone different from them in any aspect—and you fought back. you wanted to use your family name as a shield when you realized they know nothing about it other than the global company your family owns. so, you persevere. you tough it up and face them by not caring about them. and they accepted you, the quiet alien who likes cats because she said she relates to them so much, into the in-group enough that you have a small circle of friends. but here in seoul, the level of toxicity sky-rocketed and you never felt it boil your skin until you see what they do in cheer practice.

eavesdropping from people, you only have two choices after seeing your fellow schoolmates’ drooping faces and awakening stress: you are going to either join the tradition or be an outcast. your sister chooses the former and her family name doesn’t help either—setting an obvious target on her back. when you caught wind of this, you got even quieter, silent, and stealthily wanders under somi’s shadow. yet, having a sister for cheer captain, you can’t say you don’t have privilege of how your senior treats you. but when you see the other first-year students being overwhelmingly harassed at practice behind the coaches’ guides, you choose to stay silent verbally, but your action contradicts it.

you embrace the other three that seem to agree with your plan—lily, haewon, and yuna—as you all tried to expose the toxicity of the cheer group: collecting evidence from photos and audio recordings before sending it to the principal anonymously, and all of you agree to quit right after sending it. the senior cheer members have a smug smile when they know that their weakest soldiers have fallen and left the squad, but they didn’t expect you to leave, somi didn’t even if she lived in the same house as yours; your room is in the other side of the house from hers. that was the first and only time you’ve used your actual voice to them. that was the only time you ever felt powerful against them before you fade again into obscurity.

the comfort level between the four of you lets you try to speak to them, and they’re so nice to you, letting you set your own pace to open up while the others also do the same thing. lily’s accent caught your attention and confirmed when she said she moved here from australia—she has the same reaction when you spoke and caught a bit of an accent and slang words in the way you talk, haewon never fail to crack your group up from her funny expressions and jokes, while yuna brings out the sassy yet sweet aura of the group. all of you stayed together throughout the first year and even got closer as you all are assigned to the same class this year.

your outings with them become more of a routine, how they give their free time to help you give out food to stray cats, go to the arcade, and other things. being the spare, you embraced your inner princess margaret and start to slowly defy what your parent expects from you, which you now realized because they want you to become somi 2.0. if they don’t want you as yourself, might as well make you like their ideal successor. well speaking of it, that is what they told you after you came back home too late for your parents’ liking, even though somi, who is a year older than you, is still out there.

“you either going to follow what we want of you, or you’re not going to have a piece of the company.“

gladly, you thought. but you remain silent and it is slowly frustrating them. you now knew your fear and anxiety can become a weapon against them.

you differentiate yourself from your sister, most of your clothes—all were somi’s hand-me-downs—are given to your housekeepers for them or if they have a child back home. you dressed more down-to-earth, quiet literally, with earthy colours that clash with your sister’s extravagant pastel blues and pinks. and you don’t care if your parents tell you their grimy, plus earthy colours look more business-savvy. you always use your pocket money to buy can food for stray cats at least once per week, getting your emotion sucked up by playing with them and giving good to beings that also live on this earth along with humans.

but even under a strong and mysterious persona, people perceived you in ways that they see as negative, calling you a weirdo, a black sheep, a failure, and comparing you to your sister behind their backs. and it all seems to break down when your carpool doesn’t arrive to get you home, seeing the text from your assigned chauffeur that they were fired. they were supposed to be on your side as they waited for you to finish giving the cats food and vouch for you. that day you finally broke down, the pressure from inside rising to get out of you.

that is until your second encounter with jay which makes you see a different light of him.

annoyance came to you when his sneeze scare the cats away, like what bloke can sneeze so loud that it rivals your uncle? nonetheless, when he offered you his roll of weed, you accepted it and you wing it. deep down, you were smirking at how the way you smoke makes him think that you’ve smoked before it is actually your first time, and you don’t care when the buzz reaches your head, sending you into an almost foggy state but making your senses hyper. he must have a high tolerance for being able to ride a skateboard while high, seeing the board with wheels poking out from beside his body when you caught him at the arcade.

but when he approached you in your most vulnerable self publicly, you didn’t expect him to utter those words to you. at first, he seemed to want to banter with you about what happened a week prior. but the fact that he fancies you is unexpected. a decelis high skater and stoner—definitely a bad boy type—finds you intriguing. no other person is as bold as him. sure, you have a few crushes yourself, but you always get the confirmation of people having a crush on you after the feelings were gone. no one has ever openly confessed their interest to you. and now, you didn’t know what to comment on other than the obvious fact that you’re also intrigued by him. but you both live different lives, going to rival schools, and you should not even be seen with him at all.

when you see the clutter around both of you, the skateboard was the only way you can catch him before he slithers away, and that’s what he promises you to do if you text him about it. so now here you are, the floor below you carries you higher and higher before the elevator lets out a “ding”, opening to the destination floor you’ve pressed the button to.

you look between the text he sends you and the apartment number as you walk down the clean and gleaming hallway, hearing the sound of scratching rubber from the trainers you’re wearing. eyes scanning the plaque, you slow down your steps as you arrived at the door with the number he texted you. you press the bell button as it is muffled behind the door, giving a small smile at the front door. a click sounded as the heavy door opens, and an almost recognizable girl behind the ajar door peeks out. she’s wearing very comfortable clothes that are too big for her figure—something you see yourself wearing—but her hooded eyes catch your attention. it looks as if she has been asleep and the bell you pressed has woken her up. but her upbeat demeanour says otherwise.

“hi, you must be the guest jay’s waiting for,” she said as the door widens. her hand outstretches for you to shake as she lets out a small smirk. jay didn’t tell you that she lives with a girl before, or maybe she was visiting to take a rest.

“you can come in, he’s in the shower.” the girl speaks as you follow her inside the apartment. shoes litter on the front of the door as the girl tried her best to tidy them up while mentioning her name, not catching it clearly as she moved away. when you step inside, you were met with a large open living space and a herbal scent mixing in the air—your rose scent is obscure by it. a hallway stretches as you see four different doors, but one side of the open space catches your eye. four tidy pots of plants rested on racks, the leaves creating almost like a bed but hollow underneath. your eyes follow the way the plants are structured, how jagged the leaves are, and how only odd numbers of them grow on each stem.

wait…

“i don’t smoke them.” you caught the girl say beside you. “but they do. they sell it actually. hoon and jay,” she continued as you turn towards her, making her neutral expression quickly drops.

“you don’t… know…” her words got a shrug from you as she chuckles, “i thought you were here to buy one.” you shake your head and wave your hands a no.

a boy’s voice call for the girl’s name from behind you, eyes widen as you now recognize who she is by the name that you should've asked her to repeat. that’s when you turn back to find one of the boys jay is friends with coming from one of the closed doors—you know because you’ve seen his face in a few photos from jay’s profile. he approaches her as you tried to distract yourself away from their conversation, taking a pretty long time before you heard her voice say, “i’m not leaving her behind. we can stay here first, right?”

“who’s her?” you glance at them.

“her.” she points to you as you give a tight-lip smile and a small wave.

“oh hi, didn’t see you- wait? aren’t you (y/n)? (l/n) (y/n)?” the boy said as you see his hand wrapped around the girl’s love handle. your jaw almost dropped as you realize the signals they give to you. staring at them as discreetly as possible you now realize who each of them is. the boy is heeseung, the famous student council president of your neighbouring school and after jogging the familiar name of the girl, you realized that that’s the name of beomgyu’s sister—her style and vibe almost resemble him in a way when you inspect her further. how you know about her is because of what your sister told you about her brother—her having a bad sentiment that you understand. you sure hope she’s not as shitty as her brother. but, you didn’t realize they’re exclusive to each other until his smooth moves.

“guilty.” you mouthed while showing a thumbs up.

heeseung lets out a giggle as he stares at you before turning to the girl. “jjong told me about her before, babe. you know?” he said before you see her eyes enlarged, letting out ahs and oohs as she then whispered into his ears. your body shrinks as you glance at them before looking away as fast as you can. the fear inside of you slowly grows as your mind flew everywhere, even taking a dip into your darkest thoughts that you’re always reminded of.

“guys. your giggles are creeping her out.” you heard a voice from behind them as you lean to the side, seeing the boy you were waiting for as you timidly wave. you scoot your way towards him, realizing how similar both of you dress with your grey-tone t-shirt and blue jeans combo. the boy seems to suspect something as you sensed your body being dragged towards him by your forearm. the couple looks at each other as they noticed their friend’s small initiation, letting out smiles to each before turning towards the two of you.

“good luck on your date, jongseong.” heeseung said as he lets out a charismatic smirk. if your eyes can get widened, it would as you glance at the boy beside you, seeing him with an unreadable expression.

“we should have a double date, triple i guess if hoon wanna joins but eh…” the girl said, a look of jokingly disgust on her face makes you chuckle inside before jay turns his body and walk towards the door. the atmosphere suddenly tightens as you turn to follow your hangout friend and skateboard trainer to the front door of the apartment.

“(y/n)?” your name is called as you turn your head towards the source. heeseung and the girl let out a solemn smile.

“i don’t know what kind of my magic you got to get my boy that whipped for you. but take care of him, okay? he’s been a lot more cranky these days.” heeseung answered as he glance at the girl beside her as she continues, “he only told us two about how he’s felt towards you. per what heeseung said, he hasn’t been this serious with someone since his best friend… yeah…”

you blinked and gave tiny nods to tell them you listen to them loud and clear. the mention of his best friend and how she paused her words makes you pierce a mental thumbtack in your memory. though you don’t know the detailed sentiment, you caught that this best friend of his—“hoon” as they like to call him—has meddled in his love life much more than jay’s liking.

giving a nod and a smile to the two, you return to the front door as you see jay tying his shoes up. besides where you crouched down to put your own on, a cabinet door opens as you catch two skateboards inside in an upright position. one is more decorated than the other—the one you recognize he brought when you both feed the cats. a shadow of jay’s stature steps near you as he pulls out the skateboards into his hands before pushing one towards you when you stand up.

“this is my spare one if this one gets broken. it’s the same model so it should be alright.” the boy explained as you pick it up with both of your hands, the weight of the wood is not as heavy as the cans of cat food you bring in your plastic bag—a few of them are in the backpack you’re wearing cause you rather be prepared than say sorry towards their cute little face for not filling their appetite. jay lets out a small smirk as he grabs his own backpack and tucks the skateboard between his arm and body.

“shall we?”

-

the street of seoul reminds you of brighton as you both walk on the pavement, sightseeing square-looking buildings in a street that is big enough for only two lanes going opposite ways. in a way, you’ve tried to embrace the “you from the past” now as best as you can. maybe your parents firing your chauffeur is a blessing in disguise at a point that you’ve tried to push yourself for nearly a year now, letting you take back the independence you used to have back in your aunt and uncle’s. in your house today, only your housekeepers care if you’re home or not but they also vouch for you if you go to the city by yourself—coming from the little acts of kindness you’ve done to them. the last day of the weekend is—of course, as crowded as usual. you gaze at the people going out with their families and friends to refresh their minds for the two days they have, and as you both walk near the han river, it seems that skateboarding is one way they refresh.

the skateboard on your hold is a tad bit slanted as you always repair how you grip it. the sound of rubbing on concrete decorates the area that is made of slopes and curves—the view of the river is marvellous and you immediately understand why this is jay’s favourite skate park. skateboarders of all diversity make the indents on the ground more colourful with their outfits, their boards, and a speck of street art on them. dangerous tricks such as kicks and spins make you grimace, catching the boy’s attention who is beside you.

“i will not teach you that. unless you’re fucking with me and you’re also great at skateboarding.” you let a chuckle at his comment as you stray from the main path of the han river recreational area to go to the skate park. when you both arrive there, you see people greeting jay in various ways, shouting their hellos, waving their hands, and giving him high five or fist pumps. seeing them in green cargo pants notes you to buy them and put them in your wardrobe—bloody hell, they look great. your eyes gaze at how smoothly they’re riding their skateboards around you, making your fingers fidget while holding the same thing in your hand.

“hey, we’re gonna put our bags and start, alright?” jay speaks to you right beside your ear. you turn to see how close his face is to yours, very close. you gaze at the faded freckles that decorated his cheekbones, his sun-kissed skin illuminated in the afternoon sun before your trance falls away as you give him a nod and go to the bench that he puts his backpack on. your shoulders are much lighter than before because of the less weight, you roll your shoulders to stretch them up as jay puts the skateboards right by his feet. your palms are getting sweaty as you tried your best to wipe them off. what if you fell? what if you’re reckless enough to do a mistake?

“so, do you have any experience with boards of any kind?” he asked as you tilt your head while stepping closer to him.

“i can ride a bicycle, not exactly a board but balancing on something, right?”

“yup. so…” you see him rub his hand as he drags the skateboard he lends to you with his foot, rolling it to put it in between the two of you. “we’re going to start with balancing. you’re gonna step on the board and tried to balance as best as you can.” he said.

you gnaw the inside of your cheek, staring interchangeably between the boy and the board between both of your feet. your experience riding a bicycle sure helps him calm down, but you didn’t mention that the last time you rode one was back in year 7 when, after a certain incident, you just haven’t thought of buying another one for yourself anymore. the tingling of the scar on your pelvis from falling off your bicycle comes back as you don’t know if you’re balanced enough for this.

as you put one foot on the board, it trembles under you. how different it is that you have to learn how to manage your weight and how much should you put on the surface that has touched. your hands are wide enough for you to get your sense of balance, lifting them as you focus on your feet more. when you felt like you’re ready enough, you lift your other foot off the ground and put it on the board beside yours. the adrenaline coursing through as you thought you nailed it on the first try, no need to embarrass yourse-

the board slips under your foot as hands hold onto both of your arms. you breathe rapidly as your heart thumps as if it’s near out of your ribcage. your reaction to one of your feet slipping to the ground came late as you finally hissed from the pain surging through your nerves, looking up to catch jay’s furrowed eyebrows as he stares at you. you knew from his eyes what his concern was and your nods seem to calm him down as his grip on you lessen.

“hold on to me if you need to, okay?” he reminds you as he drags the board to your feet once again and this time, you lean to what he said. one of your hands in jay’s as you step onto the shaky board one step at a time, letting him guide you upright as you stare at your feet once again.

“(y/n)?” you tried your best to stop your wobbly legs before looking up at him. jay’s face has a look that screams determination as he holds you with both hands near your elbows.

“eyes on me, okay? it’ll help with your balancing because of your center of gravity,” he tells you as you gulp down your saliva. breathing in and out, you straighten your posture enough as the board is getting not as shaky as the first time you rode it. how your eyes stay on his face is getting your cheeks warm, even if they’re looking downwards to your feet.

jay helps you to find your balance as he then teaches you how you use your foot to push the board for it to move, and how the board moves left and right depending on how you put the weight on your feet. and even if he felt confident that you can roll on your own by the end of the day, he didn’t expect you to nail it on the first try. you didn’t count how much you failed to roll and balance on the board; each time comes with you jumping from the moving board or slip off to the ground. with each accident, jay comes running to catch you before you fall or pull you up to your feet when you fell. but every time he sees you fall off the board, your chuckles always fill your presence. how nonchalantly you take this challenge and how you took this practice session as if you are having fun. and when you nailed it, he couldn’t help but clap as much as he can when you turn around and roll on the concrete before stopping in front of him.

“you did great.” he says as he pulls you close, not minding the proximity because of how close you two had been the entire time when he holds you to not let you fall. and you seem to not mind it either as you mouthed a “thanks” before you caress the back of your neck, letting you take a rest.

the refreshing water runs down your oesophagus until the very last drop. you work out your ankles from how hurt they are been mostly from slipping, resting them on top of the skateboard that you used as it drags back and forth following your movement. where’s jay, you asked? you heard his whoop as you stare at his figure flinging all around the slopes. how effortlessly he does aerial spins and kicks his skateboard 180 degrees before landing it perfectly. jay performs as if he is all by himself, with no one to bother him as he tries the tricks he has up his sleeves, but you have a nagging feeling that he is doing it to impress you too.

when jay is skateboarding away at the other side of the area, you let your vision gaze at the other people in your vicinity and the main path right beside the skate park. people riding bicycles, pushing strollers, and jogging goes by that path before you see people cruising down the path on a board, similar to a skateboard, albeit longer. that’s peng, you thought. skateboarding like jay is doing might be too daredevil-ish for you. maybe riding it that way will give you the same senses but much more relaxed.

“what’s peng???” a voice startles you as you found jay now standing beside where you sit, drinking his own water bottle before sitting down beside you. you don’t know if he’s asking you the thing that is peng or the definition of peng, but you answer as best as you perceived.

“i saw people cruising down the path with a board, but a longer one?” you quietly speak so only he can listen to you. he replied with a hum as his eyes landed on the path as more people on boards are riding on that path before going to face you.

“it’s a longboard, the one they’re using. skateboards are shorter but you can cruise with them too. i definitely see you do that more rather than doing tricks.” your eyes follow his movement as he looks down at both the skateboards under you. a chuckle came out and you mouthed “definitely”. you lean back and rested your hands beside you on the bench, seeing the blue sky that is drifting to the west, with the darkness coming from the horizon. you peer beside you and see jay taking a glimpse of you.

“so how is today’s lesson?” he playfully asked, as if you’re literally someone under his care, a trainer asking for feedback. to be honest, even with your hurting ankle that might cause unintentional consequences, this moment is the most brighton thing you ever felt in a long time. though you don’t want to undermine what you and your friends have, hanging out with someone new outside of the dramas in levant is refreshing.

you can only give a thumbs up which he replied with a wistful sigh. jay grabs onto his bag before zipping open the front pouch, letting you take a glimpse of two different boxes, one you’re familiar with and the other that is customized. he grabs the customized one and opens it for you to see the thick rolls of joint inside, pulling one out before closing it and replacing it with his lighter. jay expected little from smoking weed openly in a place full of people smoking, but he caught your glance and it immediately intimidates him.

you give him a small pout as you shift your head. the look in your eyes shines with panic and concern. jay understood what you meant whilst he pull out the joint from between his lips and returned it to the box before grabbing the cig box he kept, replacing it so he can blend in with the others. “much of a daredevil, aren’t you?” you commented as he flicks the lighter and put the flame on the cigarette butt.

“well, you’re right. that’ll be stupid of me to get caught having a joint on me in public areas where people can see,” jay spoke, smoke coming out of his mouth. he offered you the cylinder as you brought your lips to it, taking an inhale as the smoke warmed your mouth before pulling back and slowly letting them go. jay was holding his breath the whole time before he took another shot of the burning substance.

“is there a reason you like weed more than cigs?” you asked, genuinely curious to know from the amount he might consume not even for a week but a day of it. the perception of him being a stoner quickly changes as you now learn that he also makes them too, in his home for bloody heck.

“i like the high it gives me.” he answered with a general answer for a stoner, “and to spite my parents.” jay peeks at you from the corner of his eyes. your body, at once, turns rigid when he mentions ‘parents’. all the memories you had about your parents crawling up in your mind and enveloping your vision in it.

“is that why you decide to sell it too?” you catch his enlarged eyes as he looks between the burning cig that is halfway down, before towards you. you reaffirm his unspoken question with a nod before he exhales the air he was holding.

“i’m trying to be financially independent being left alone here. my parents living in seattle have been pampering me so much it annoys me, you know?” he told you as you analyze it. how by the words he said alone, you can conclude: how wealthy his parents are, how he has been holding back from indulging in what he wants, and how he has lived outside of seoul. none of that information is present in his instagram profile—you feel dodgy when you see the well-built apartment he lives in, but it’s still not enough of a prediction for past you. you give him a small nod, learning how similar yet on the different side of the spectrum both of you are.

“what business does your family run?” jay lets out a tight-lip smile as he turns to you after finishing your question, puffing out the smoke from the cigarette before stretching his hand towards you once again, allowing you to take another hit.

“travel agency. helping tourists on their vacation in various countries in asia. providing tour guide, setting up tours, et cetera.” you let out a smile as your tongue rubs the residue of the cigarette that rests on your teeth. how sticky it felt you’re familiarizing yourself. you definitely need to brush your teeth as soon as possible when you get home.

“if you know somi, you must have heard my media conglomerate family then. though i’m not the one they're pushing to stay in the limelight like she is.” you let out as you nod as you giggled. “crazy how similar we are, huh?” your comment takes his attention as your giggles die down. the sky above you is darkening as the streetlights are turning on, yet you both didn’t want this to end. but even that, he thought it was not the right time to ask you to elaborate.

“so in that apartment, you live alone?”

“nah. heeseung and sunghoon are my roommates.” jay closed his eyes as he sees the faces of his friends in sight. the ridiculousness of their attitudes back on the bench they always hang out on at school. “we have this gang of friends at school, all nine- well, ten of us now that always hang with each other.” you let a hum as he continues to introduce his friends.

heeseung, other than the council president of decelis, is his roommate whom he has met back when he lived in the US—their fathers are friends and that’s why he allowed the boy to live with heeseung. sunghoon is his best friend—the “hoon” guy you’ve been hearing—has his troublemaker ways. jay mentions how sunghoon is his business partner, helping to send their orders away and more of the one that works in the field. but when you see him mentioning his best friend, you can view how his eyes turn fiery—heeseung told you how cranky he has been, is it because of him?

he continues introducing you to the other people in the gang. kai is a debate club member. his talkative nature makes him a great person who could convince people in an argument—he gave an example of the guy being the mc for their family feud-style game night. jake is the captain of the rugby team this season—you chuckle at how he still apologizes that your school lost against them as if you care about it. he mentions how many of his friends—nearly half—are part of the film club. he mentions sunoo and his best friend, who he describes as the sunshine siblings because of how playful they are. taehyun, who is their documentary guy, loves his camera, and brings it with him all the time—you might view yourself in him. then beomgyu, the star actor of the club. the most famous senior in the school other than heeseung as he explained.

“and beomgyu’s sister who is now heeseung’s girlfriend. they had a mess in the beginning and because of that, beomgyu’s not been around us for a while now, bringing taehyun with him for his bidding.” he lets out a sigh, finishes with bitterness on his tongue as you let out a wide smile from how he looks knackered just for describing his nine friends.

“i could say the same to you about my three friends though we don’t seem as chaotic as you guys are. they’re lovable, sassy, funny, and determined at the same time. we met in the cheer squad before all of us called it quits.” you brush your hair as you stare back at him, your smile turning sombre as the mention of them brought you to the haunting memories of constant harassment.

“that’s why i saw you beside your sister back in the match,” jay spoke enthusiastically before he turns towards you, your eyebrows already raised.

“no- no, i didn’t stalk you. i just saw you, okay? your sister ruffling your head before she left to do her routine.” he described perfectly what happened at the match as you give the benefit of the doubt about him. that day, your sister was trying to convince you to go back to the squad again. but the way you catch them treating your junior like crap, you were pissed off. you only come and attend that match so that it’ll be easier to give out the food for the felines. you didn’t think anyone notice it, especially from the school that you’re competing with.

“we don’t have the best sibling relationship. family things,” you spoke out the fact. taking yourself back to how you’re overshadowed by your sister’s presence and how you want to escape it. even with how much you avoid being associated with her, people still know you as her sister.

“i feel you, though not the sibling one ‘cause i’m an only child.”

“that’s unlucky. new money sole successor. no wonder your parents are pampering you so much.” your comment earns a laugh from jay as he nods his head, knowing that is the truth he carried. “i can’t say much being a trust fund baby with parents that neglects you.” you retorted as you gaze back at him.

“my life isn’t as perfect as you think it is.” the sun has now sunk behind the surrounding skyscrapers. the bridges that carry motorcycles, cars, and underground trains passing by make a beautiful silhouette. usually, by this time, you were supposed to be at home. but since your housekeepers help vouch for you and your parents are having a big board of directors meeting—usually takes hours to finish—they won’t snitch on you. they haven’t snitched on you even when you were with your friends playing in the arcade until midnight and later on.

jay drops his cigarette and puts it out with a step of his foot before you gaze at him, eyes looking all over his face that is illuminated by the streetlight behind you. the skaters dwindled in numbers as only a few people are on the slopes—the ones that are brave enough to trek the dark and uncertain curves with lights at the bottom.

“it’s getting late and tomorrow we have sch-“

“can we smoke a spliff?” you cut him off, pausing him before he looks at you with uncertainty in his eyes.

“are you sure?” he asked once again, hands already pulling the box where he puts it. you instinctively nod.

“i don’t want this to end yet,” you tell your sentiment as many thoughts have infiltrated your mind. maybe the buzz can help you calm down more. your eyes stick to the edge of the slope as you hear the flick and light coming from beside you. jay take in the newly lit spliff before giving it to you as you took one puff yourself. it circulates inside your mouth and the grass scent is catching you off guard before you let it out. it’s warm but you know you’re gonna get the buzz you’ve felt again.

your head seems heavy as you take a few more puffs of the roll, letting the quiet atmosphere calm you down. the drug urging you to speak anything that comes into your mind. “you know,” you straighten your sitting posture, “that time when you offer me your spliff, i haven’t actually smoked before…”

“the fuck?!” the boy exclaims, unhinged just like you do as you sense the buzz in your head pressing down the anxiety and fear that always culminate in your mind.

“yeah…” your words roll out. how your senses heightened as though you’re still sober but with how heavy your head is, you let it relaxes you.

“you were so good at it though,” he remarks as you let out a giggle.

“do i? to be honest, i’m just winging it back then. i didn’t understand shit.” your giggly reply makes him giggle too. seeing the white smoke floating and disperse into the darkening sky makes you stare at the buildings all around you. their illuminated windows resemble faux stars that decorate the night sky. you always like to stargaze, sitting on the sand of the beach as you stare at the stars from your position by the ocean waves. it is one of your favourite past times there and you always tell your aunt where your whereabouts will be and if she’ll be searching for you. the lights in seoul are too bright for you to stargaze, but you might as well cherish anytime you could get outside of your house, especially with people you are comfortable with. jay included.

“why weed? why not… pokemon trading cards for a business?” your ridiculous question earns a chuckle from both of you—your sober part now realizing how talkative and giggly you are under the influence. jay runs his tongue on his chapped lips as he peeks at you from the corner of his eyes. his foot fidgets with the skateboard under your feet, swaying from side to side.

“finding an opportunity in an almost empty market segment, you know?” you heard him use the business jargon your parents also use as you pursed your lips. holding back your laugh, he is the one that hooks you up to let it out. your head is lolling away from the times you take a hit from the blunt and you’ve also noticed how relaxed jay looked, he used to fidget all the time—playing with his fingers, playing with the tip of his toes inside his shoes, nibble on his bottom lip—but now with both of you under a much stronger influence, he seems decent enough and much more hyper about his sense.

taking the last hit for both of you as the flame consumes the rest of the joint, the grassy stench of the substance overwhelming your sense of smell, almost vegetable-like as you wave your hand to get rid of the surrounding scent. maybe you’re not thinking straight enough, but you reached for your bag and pull out your perfume: rose-scented that you’ve been wearing. though it smells heavy now, you found a lighter-smelling one back in brighton that makes you like the scent and you regretted not buying a bulk of it to bring here.

spraying it on your wrists and neck, you rub the spots as the aroma masks the one you’ve been smelling. you glance at the boy beside you who is also sniffing the air, a content smile on his face. hand instinctively pushes the item towards him. he looks down at it before looking at you give a smile. jay picks up the perfume and sprays it in the same spots as you did, rubbing them before giving it back to you.

“this is much better than the musk scent i usually wear,” he said as you let out a chuckle, a dry one to be in fact, which you follow with a cough. that’s when your nerves are aware of how dry your throat is. when you reached for your bottle, you were met with the lightweight material with only droplets inside.

“think i should head home. i’m freaking parched,” you told him as he covers his mouth before facing you and nods. when you stand up, you can now feel the weight that shows up from your head. but the evening gusts of wind help your eyes flutter open as you picked up the skateboard before something touches your elbow. jay holding you before you straighten yourself up.

“try riding it on the main path,” he comments as you stare at him with furrowed eyebrows, leaning in closer to him as you recognize your usual rose scent on him.

“are you fucking crazy? i’m not even great enough to skate and now you want me to do it high? freaking dammit jongseong.” you shake your head from his challenge as he then holds both of your shoulders, letting you settle down from your almost tamper tantrum.

“it’s the best feeling in the fucking world, (y/n). believe me.” jay stares right into your eyes. how the building lights behind you shine in them like it reflects stars. how big his pupil has gotten to resemble the night sky. he turns your body as you see white lights decorating under the bridge by the main path.

“that’s the convenience store. we’re gonna buy some stuff ‘cause i’m also getting hungry.” you poked your tongue inside your cheek as you glimpse at him. “you can do it. i believe in you.”

you let out a small, uncertain smile as you nod, letting yourself out of his grasp as you both walk towards the now emptier path. jay sets down his own skateboard as you fix the straps of your backpack. the figure of the boy dashes on the path as he stood on his board effortlessly. ‘fuck it‘ you said to yourself as you push the board like how jay teaches you, giving a few more pushes before putting both feet on the board as you tried to balance the best as you can so it goes on the straight line, eyes looking forwards rather than how your body moves as you let yourself adjust to the board that rolls beneath you.

the wind from the kinetic movement blows your hair as it flings from your face. you can be helped but to let a whoop from the air strike your skin, making you more alive and awake than ever. the figure before you now stand looking back towards you as you notice him laugh, letting you go past him as he follows you to the store.

arriving in the convenience store—putting your skateboards upright near the bicycle stands—you stroll around the shelves along with jay. going to the fridges and freezer as you pull out an ice cream and a bottle of cider before turning around to search for jay. his head pokes out from behind the shelves from his tall height as you find him with the cashier, looking at the reddish food in the warm display area.

“you want tteokbokki? my treat,” he said as he stares at you already with your cold items and him with a coloured soda in his hand. you hadn’t had street food in a while from how strict your food regimen is at home and the broth-full lunch at school. but the way the rice cakes rested inside that chill-powdered sauce, you could imagine adding cheese in there as saliva appears inside your mouth.

“buy a big one for both of us and also add cheese.” you turn to him as he lets out a wide smile.

“yes, ma’am,” he replies as he orders exactly that to the cashier attendant. both of you waited by the counter as you see the display behind the cashier for the adults, full of cigarettes and condoms. jay and you stood side by side as you both waited with the view. the awkward silence between the two of you makes you turn to face him. both of your minds seem to be telepathically linked as he turns to see you too. the white, almost blueish tint of the store illuminates his skin differently than the sun, colder. but the freckles on his cheeks stand out more. you can’t help—with the courage from your weightlessness of reality and consequences—to reach up and caress his cheek. his eyes enlarged as you turn your body to face him.

“your freckles are pretty.” you breathed out, perceiving how cold his skin is from your palm as you heat him up. seeing how at first he hesitates before leaning in fully into your warmth.

both of you sit at the table outside as you eat in silence, sharing the large plate of tteokbokki as you munch up your appetite. for all the moments you sat together, you both stayed silent, not commenting on what you did at the cashier. the warmth of the spicy rice cakes fills your stomach as the cold combats and helps with your dry oesophagus. your usual cat whisperer trait makes a couple of cats arrive and rub their head on your calves, pulling out the can from your bag as you marvel at yourself for at least giving out one for today—it didn’t feel right if you don’t.

for you, the high has died down significantly as you’re now in your usual quiet state, eating up your food as best as you can as you compare it with the tastes you’ve tried. you don’t know if buying it is the right call for eating spicy food but you were parched back then, and not sober.

“fuck, i can’t. tomorrow’s school again.” jay groans before he hisses, his lips swollen because of the spicy food. he looks up as only the broth of the tteokbokki is left on the plate. “i should bring you home…”

you shook your head and disagree with him as you left to pout. even if the high has died down, some leftovers of it are still left circulating as you mouthed, “i can go home by myself.”

“you probably still have the after-effect of being high and you’re going to be alone at fucking night, (y/n). please…” he grabs your hand that is still gripping the chopsticks, catching your attention as you stare right back at him. “let me take you home.”

indeed, he did as you stroll back home, the ice cream in your hands as jay holds the skateboard you used while his own is peeking out of his backpack. small talks were made between the two as you stroll in the night's dark sky. you wanted to tell him how you have been going home late at night, especially if you hang out with your girls-around a month ago you did just that as you all played in the arcade until midnight and more. but seeing his concern for you made your heart flutter, and by hanging out with him, you now understand how much of a stubborn person he is—dragging you in one way and another as he trained you to learn how to skate. as you walked by the neighbourhoods, you can still see people roaming around to enjoy the nightlife. not as late as when you’re in that arcade playing the hammer machine, competing to get as highest of scores as you can between the four of you.

“you’re not as cranky as i thought.”

jay turns his head towards you as you felt the ice cream melt in your mouth, nibbling on the little spoon as he raised his eyebrows.

“heeseung told me something about you and sunghoon.” you heard him scoff as you mention his friends’ names, looking forward at the expanding pavement in front of you both.

“oh he’s…” he lets out a sigh before continuing. “hoon is pursuing so many girls at once he makes me have to work double to manage, pack, and deliver the goods.” jay brushes his fallen hair to the back as you continue to step into the night together.

“he’s an interesting character to know. nice guy but he likes his dick wet a lot so… i kinda see how hee said i’m cranky.”

“yeah, notice your eyebags are a bit swollen. sunghoon’s a fucking wanker…” you exhale towards his friend as he laughs because of it.

“i expect it to happen—his room is beside mine after all. but i didn’t expect he could even fuck for more than thrice a week.”

“that is dodgy as heck. is that your spliff’s side effect?” you chuckle as he gives you a side eye before rolling his eyes, seeing it as an answer to your carefree question.

both of you walk and you enter a more secluded neighbourhood. houses covered by high and thick walls as you climb the stairs on the pavement from the sloping terrain. you gaze at jay, seeing his eyes wandering around the houses that differ greatly from the apartment complex. the steps slow down as you near a wooden gate, the white lights of the exterior illuminate the house in a colder manner rather than your neighbours with their yellow bulbs. you hummed as you titled your head, letting him know this is your stop.

“thank you for today. though i’ve been such a crap.” you lean against the wooden gate as he shakes his head.

“no, i’m proud of you, really,” he replied as you put your hand where your heart is. you turn to your phone and text one housekeeper you trust as you don’t want to ring the bell and tell your parents of your whereabouts tonight—if they’re home. the light shines on your face as you write the words in and send it, quickly glancing towards jay who hasn’t left yet. you see his mouth open as he speaks.

“i… do you wanna do this again? you could get used to the skateboard then we can hang out at some places. maybe i could introduce you to my friends, even ask your friends too to hang out with us. i mean, you seem to be pretty friendly with hee’s girl back in my fla-“

you lean in and press your lips on his cheek, stopping his continuous tangent as the number of words faded out. leaning back, the corner of jay’s lips rises as your eyes flutter. “i would like to.”

the sound of the gate opening catches you off-guard as you step back to the small door the housekeeper has unlocked. jay’s eyes still gaze at your retreating figure as you hold on to the gate.

“i’ll reach out. good night, jongseong.” your lips pouted as you step to the other side when you hear a faint “good night” from the boy outside. the housekeeper looks at you with a knowing gaze as you both retreat to the mansion, listening to the sound of wheels rolling down the asphalt road down the slope.

-

if one can take a glimpse at jay’s eyes, one could see them sparkle; resemble fireworks. jay stares at the last message bubbles that happened between him and you in class, trying to suppress his smile as best as he can to preserve his appearance, but he knows he can’t hold it together especially since his lips are trembling to not form a smile. hee’s girl is the one that notices it first, sitting down with the exhausted taehyun—his face laying at the desk—right beside her, but she said nothing so that sunghoon could realize something.

“woah, jjong. you’ve been staring at your phone for minutes now.” his best friend said, the boy himself not exactly caring about it as he continue to scroll down the chat before returning it to the Instagram profile you gave him of your own. one that is full of cats and aesthetically no face pics of you and your friends.

“who’s that, huh?” jay sensed his friend nudges his shoulder, making him roll his eyes.

“none of your freaking business.”

“of course, it is my business, jjong. you wearing heart eyes? looking at someone’s profile? scrolling back and forth between your chats? bro…” he can feel sunghoon’s presence closer to him. “tell me who this lucky person is.”

jay side-eyes his friend who is wearing a sheepish smile. he clicked his tongue as he turn his head towards his seatmate, “a girl i’ve been seeing-“

“oh fuck, i knew it,” he exclaimed as quietly as he can, not wanting the teacher to catch him cursing in class. sunghoon lightly slap his palm on jay’s forearm as said boy looks at his friend offendedly. “that’s why you’ve been out more, but without me.”

“yeah, right. you’ve been hooking up with girls left and right. how am i supposed to go out with you, dickhead?” jay stated the obvious before he recollected his mind on what sunghoon is saying. yes, his best friend is right. he has gone out more and it’s because of you.

most of the time you both hung out by han river. him lending you his skateboard as you better your skill in riding it—how he remembered pushing you on it with his hands on your waist. as you get better and better, with a fair share of injuries from falling as he and you tried a few kick tricks which results in you punching his biceps, he can now proudly say you’ve become an excellent skater. you told him you won’t do anything on the slopes and instead, you voice out that you try to cruise down the paths more, taking in the city's view, the flowing water, and the sky above together.

in the three times, other than the first one, that he skates with you, he has brought a few of his friends and met with your friends too. taehyun also likes to skate from time to time—what jay likes to say is “his skate buddy”—if he isn’t busy enough with editing videos, and jake asks to come with him to relax himself before his next matches after having a two-time winning streak. that day, your friends insert themselves into your hangout as they’ve been curious about who this guy their friend is meeting, resulting in the two groups meeting. jay still remembers how jake and lily talking to one another strengthen each other’s accents that make none of you can fully understand what they’re talking about.

other than skating, he also is with you to give out food for neighborhood cats, playing with them if you both have time. one cat stuck in his mind though, a tabby kitten that likes to ride on his skateboard as he plays with him like a baby of his own. he still couldn’t help but sneeze if he stayed too long with the felines, their fur itching his nose. but he tried his best to cover his nose and maybe stay away from them enough just to be with you. now and then, you like to associate him with a cat.

“sometimes grumpy. sometimes menacing. but cute.“

“did you just say i’m cute?” jay replied as he can see the look of realization on your face. he calls your name before he shakes your torso lightly for your answer, only replying with giggles.

yeah, he couldn’t help about his selective hearing when he heard you indirectly compliment him. you have an intimidating demeanor from your first impression, as if you’re coming from addams family but not as macabre. mysterious and obscurity oozes from you, but he is glad you let him in that fog of yours.

“so which school is your lucky girl from?” sunghoon asked, his head still too close for comfort as he infiltrates to scroll up and down your instagram profile. he will thank you for making yourself as obscure as ever on the internet. but he knows his boy won’t give up without an answer or a fight. a “cocky wanker” as what you like to name him. not going to lie, it makes him giggle every single time he overheard it.

“levant.”

“what the- jjong!” sunghoon whispered loudly into his ear. jay’s instinct instantly reacts to his seatmate, leaning away and covering his ear. his seatmate grabs and pulls him in though, head looking everywhere to check if the teacher notices anything. “this is fucking scandalous. no other student here has pursued a levant kid since beomgyu hook up with-“

“i know. this is gonna be a romeo and juliet type of beat. but, hoon…” jay’s shoulder hunches down as he looks at his best friend, not believing what he’ll say to him. “i genuinely like her…”

“bruh, even i’m not brave enough to hook up with a levant girl, man.”

“of course, you only wanna hook up with the popular ones. and please, it’s not like i haven’t seen someone on decelis not having friends with someone in levant. if you helped me deliver to that school more, you could find people in our uniforms too,” jay argues back as sunghoon stops with a stunned look on his face. his phone vibrates just in time as he sees the notification on it.

(y/n): could we meet up today after school? it’s friday after all

“(y/n), huh? seems familiar…” sunghoon whispered beside him as jay picked up the phone and open it. the blinking line in the text box is waiting for his answer. he had a few more stuff to deliver as he had told sunghoon before about his order notes—jay is the bookkeeper for all this—but he deep down knows he’ll be the one to send them as sunghoon probably has a plan to do something with someone today. that’s when a hand perched on his shoulder as he peeks to spot sunghoon in his resting face, thinking to find the right words.

“i’ll do the delivery today. it’s gonna be bad for business if you’re the only one doing so.” sunghoon lets out a small smirk as jay’s eyes squint at him. “bro. my dick will fucking break if i hook up all the time. i’m not a fucking addict.”

“sure…” jay replied whilst chuckling as he stares at the screen before he replies.

coming out of the school, he went his way to the meeting place that he picked with sunoo—the boy’s best friend has something to do after school, so she left him alone. sunoo and jay walk quietly together as they’re both heading the same way.

“it’s weird to not see you with your friend,” jay commented as sunoo nods his head, knowing the sentiment. though sunoo looks soft compared to him, he is very compassionate, especially in his acting role. jay always assume that he would rather see sunoo star in the film club productions than beomgyu all the time. but, he doesn’t want to be biased about it as both of them are his friends. yet, as of recently, beomgyu has been straying more and more now. but he hasn’t thought about it much because he is getting more concerned about how much his order has been increasing since the day of the match. heeseung said that the choi household has family problems, and that’s why beomgyu’s sister has been hanging out at their flat more.

“yeah. she has an appointment with the doctor. something about her allergies making her skin itch, so she wants to get prescribed a lotion to help combat it.” jay hums from the answer as he looks at the boy’s thick paper in his hands.

“new script?”

“revision actually. the scriptwriter made some changes on how the two mains are going to do in their resolution scene.” sunoo replied, “we’re doing a coming-of-age movie a la perks of being a wallflower.“

“nice, can’t wait to watch it,” jay replied as sunoo lets out a tight-lip smile at him, his fingers twitching behind the script he is holding. when they arrive at an intersection with a corner store, sunoo stops as he said his farewells, wanting to grab something to snack on as he’ll memorize his lines. jay couldn’t hold on to his skateboard much longer and when he sees his friend entering the store, he immediately drops it down—gently, of course—before rolling away on the sidewalk. people avoiding him and he tried his best to avoid stationary people too.

after a few blocks, he used his foot to graze the concrete sidewalk as he sees the cafe he went to with sunoo, kai, and taehyun for doing homework together. their usual cafe, cafe 95. as he steps in, he could see a few people in the seats and the barista, a schoolmate of his in the same year, behind the bar with her boss, taehyung beside her. jay didn’t find your face in the crowd and also none of his friends was in any seat.

“jay park.” someone calls him from behind the counter. he sees taehyung man the cashier where the girl is off doing someone’s order.

“hey! iced americano as usual. take away for today.” jay replied as he pulled the right amount of cash out of his wallet before he then caught a bell ringing behind him. he usually isn’t one to turn around, but he is waiting for somebody to show up. and his worry fades away as he sees the dark blue blazer of a certain school before looking up at your face. taehyung has stepped away to do his order as he sees you approaching him by the cashier. you give him a small wave as you look at the cafe, enjoying the vibe that it gives out.

jay sees you standing right beside him, how your blazers touch each other’s, as his schoolmate comes and waits for your order. jay was looking away from his phone as he waits for you when he caught the quiet voices of the barista. combining it with your silent guise, he thinks you were still ordering. jay felt a tug on his sleeve as he looks to see your hand pulling him to the counter where you take your order.

“you ordered?” his eyebrows rise as he sees you giving him a thumbs up. he didn’t even hear what you were ordering, but you were staring at his schoolmate who is doing your order.

“how did you two communicate?” jay looks between you and the barista, bewildered. he genuinely thinks you were confused about what to order—maybe wanting him to help you order because it is his usual place.

“we just… did…” you replied in a small voice, seeing you smiling at his schoolmate who is mixing your drink, staring back at you. taehyung puts his order on the counter as he waits for your order to finish, staring at the vacant poster for a part-time barista position for the afternoon and evening. you were holding onto a plastic bag full of cat food once again as he reaches out to help you carry it.

you turn towards him shaking your head, “you have your skateboard. i don’t want to burden you.”

jay retreats to his standing position as your order arrives, seeing his schoolmate giving a warm smile and a “thank you” which you replied with your own before both of you walk out to go to your usual hang-out place: the seats near the skate park. as you both walk down the street, jay sees the variety of uniforms that he knows of the high schools in around this general area of seoul. the biggest four are decelis, levant, yanggun, and kosmo with each of their signature colors. they mingle with one another as if all the so-called rivalries are just that, a rivalry. all schools are ambitious in their own way, but in his eyes, it’s more of a friendly rivalry than the ones that could cost life or death. if sunghoon is with him right now, he could show him this street full of yanggun students mingling with decelis and more to him.

while he was thinking about ways to show his best friend is wrong, he didn’t see your solemn face.

the walk felt more quiet than usual as he settles all his belongings down by the seats, putting his coffee on the table as you sit across from him, sipping the beverage you order. your lips formed a straight line as you stare at the table before looking at the person on the other side of it. jay observed it all, how you cast your eyesight downwards, your newly painted black nail already looking as if you’ve chipped it off, and how your blazer is hanging on your shoulder; one pull and it falls down your arm.

“i…” you sigh before looking up at him. “i should explain to you that if you want me for my money and prestige, then i can’t give any to you.”

what?

“what-“

“no, hush.” you shush him directly as you let out a huge exhale. “since my parents are busy with whatever they have, my sister and i have got the home by ourselves. sure, it seems like a good thing, right? well, almost every single crappy day, somi invited her friends over, cheer friends, another popular crowd, and boys she’s hooking up with. new person each and every day.” you let out a chuckle.

“me?” you pointed to yourself. “nothing, my parents give me no permission to invite someone over. none of my three friends, heck my sister’s having a freaking party at our house cause they allowed her to.” you rubbed your hands on your face. jay can’t help but remember you sitting at that bench, body hunching as your shoulders shook, muffled sniffles coming from your end. he sees you shaking your head as you let your covered mouth speak.

“all because they see us from the intercom. me coming home at night. that night when you brought me home for the first time.”

jay noticed the intercom at the wall beside the wooden gate of your house, but both of you failed to notice that the camera is on. he recalls how you kiss his cheek and the rest two times he brought you home at night, all of those three times he brought you home. none of them includes pressing any bell button on the intercom.

“you’re the only one that i know who gets my problem. no matter if i’m old money and you’re new, i trust you for this because my parents hate decelis high as they’re levant alumni so they don’t have any connection to you in any way i can think of.”

and with that, your venting session begins. it surprised him to see how such a quiet persona can let out fiery and spicy comments. how burned up you felt from what you called “being the spare”, how you’re not allowed to be involved in your family business. how because of the clear succession plan for the company that is somi and her future contribution, they don’t consider you as any necessary part of the clockwork. how they send you to brighton to then bring you back for no clear reason. how you rather stayed in the UK instead of here. no matter how little the stake your problem is against the world—the stake that is so minuscule yet can be wildly catastrophic if not handled right because of your ties with your family name and brand—he resonates with it a lot. sure, he is continuing what his dad has made, but the way they shaped him up to be like him is a lot like how your family runs things. yet, a small comment from you stuck in his mind.

“if they’re treating me like this, why would they have me in the first place?”

the anxiousness that he can sense beneath that mysterious exterior finally shows itself to him. he understands now why no one other than levant high students knew of your well-being, especially with a popular sister and a conglomerate family. jay now knows why you rather speak with voiceless words and body language. they taught you to be subdued and when you mention your uncle back brighton, jay guessed that he was taught the same thing too. how your opinion doesn’t worth it.

but it all comes back to tradition. family, school, and society.

as he sits there and listens, he sees you broke down right before him. back in your second encounter, his want to comfort comes from a place of intrigue. but now, his comfort comes from affection. how when you shed your first tears, he jumped up from his chair and put himself right beside you, hugging you from the side. jay didn’t care if his blazer got all dirty from your tears and he have to laundry it again, he does it because he cares for you.

because he likes you.

“about your first words to me…” you lean back as he looks down at your bloodshot eyes.

“i don’t want you because of your conglomerate family, your name, any of that. i have those myself. too” his words caused you to roll your eyes. ‘anything is better rather than you shedding more tears.‘

“remember what i said back in that alley with that mom cat and her kittens…” jay reaches and brush your tears with the end of his blazer as you calm your breathing. “how intrigued i am with your quiet demeanor, your priority to give cat’s food, your rose scent that sticks in my mind.”

he crouches down so that your eye line can see right in his, and both of your upper arms are held by him. “i like you because you’re you. i like it if you rather be you than what other people perceive you as. i like the banter we have and any words i like from you that are inserted into my personal dictionary.”

“you like me?” he sees you mouth to him as he lets out an exasperated sigh, seeing you giggle as you sniff back any leftovers from crying. jay bit his lips before he replied with a nod, letting you point to yourself to then towards his chest.

“me to you back,” you whisper as you let out a small snicker before turning your body to face him.

he couldn’t believe how relaxed you look after he confesses and you reciprocate it back. but knowing you, he can sense your palpitations like his own when you return to your drink. your head lifted from your drink as you felt your blazer move from its position, turning your head to see jay pulling it off and folding it to put it inside your backpack as he does it to himself leaving both of your upper body with the long-sleeved white shirt as it outermost layer.

“no attribute that easily identifies your school when we were together.” he reminds you of the rule you both set up. outside of school grounds, outside of uniform, you and i.

you wiped your tears away as you nodded your hand, picked up your backpack, and slung it behind you as you outstretch your hand. jay smirks as he tidies his stuff before putting his hand on yours, pulling you away from the seats in the afternoon sun.

both of you did almost anything you could and always do when you both were together, exchanging his skateboard for both of you to ride, travelling to the nooks and crannies of the city where the dwellers aka cats live, even meeting up with the tabby kitten that left an impression on jay. you both wander to the arcade that he saw you in with your friends, coming across a decelis high student that jay greets as another one of his schoolmates that he knows is going to be a part of the student council replacing heeseung and his cabinet friends. trying to beat one another on a punching game before you both got frustrated on the claw machine—you pull out the last coin you got before giving a kiss and plunging it in for his attempt and when he caught one, he promptly hugs you and exclaimed loudly that you have to cover his mouth. even as the night is getting dark you both continue, flinging from store to store window shopping—jay realizing how you don’t really notice how he uses the high-end brands for his style, to even trying out more street food you haven’t tried before.

as the clock goes near 11 pm most of the stores near where you are closing and he dares you to cruise down the empty street, to which you agree. only the streetlights illuminate the two of you as you tried your best to obscure from crowded places; rather than spending time with the two of you alone. jay sense his energy slowly depleting as he lies down on the one-lane road you both have stayed in, noting the cold night being absorbed into the asphalt before sending cold yet refreshing shocks to his sweaty body, feeling the fabric sticking to his skin. he heard ruffles from beside him as you kneel and then follow him laying down by the street.

“no worries. this street is always empty at night causes the only access to this road is leading is small office buildings.” he reassured you, turning his head to face you laying beside him. “i’ve raced here with taehyun, kai, beomgyu, and sunghoon for a bet on paying the entire gang for eating in a new fried chicken restaurant. sunghoon lost the bet so…”

“yeah?” you turned your head to face him before you lay on your side. the combination of the streetlight and the moon shines on you as if you are sleeping in a forest, well, a concrete-made forest of nighttime seoul. the light shines on your cheek and glistens into the eye facing upwards. even in the dark, he can see the warmth from your gaze. the bloodshot eyes are gone for now as it heals.

he sees you scoot closer before your hand reaches for him, his face, cupping it lightly and softly before you lean down, letting your lips meet his. jay regretted not bringing his lip balm cause he can feel how chapped his lips are comparing to yours. that is before he felt your tongue caressing his bottom lip even with his eyes closed. he pulls you close as he used his strength to sit both of you up, letting him cup your jaw as he tilts his head. you were the one that lean back first, sensing your nose tip against his own.

“can i smoke spliff in your apartment and stay the night? don’t want to go to a bloody party,” you whispered, eyes staying on his. a sparkle reflecting on it from the streetlights.

“of course, you can.” he erects from the floor before he picks you up bringing you to his flat. the walk was quiet in the surrounding environment but warm for the two of you. hands interlocking with each other, jay carries his skateboard in his other hand. sometimes lifting your connected hands to give the back of your palm as the wind blows the two of you, realizing how long the day has been where events happened so much that gives trial and tribulations for both of you mentally and emotionally.

opening the door with the code, he is met with the shine from the various lamps that are turned on to stay alight for the night. by the looks of the shoes, heeseung has his girlfriend here and sunghoon is at home; weird. jay is embarrassed to bring you into his man cave, but you were looking at it in awe. posters of musicians right beside his wardrobe, a perfect set-up for his area with two monitors. stickers on his desk and his bedframe and a picture of a forest illustration that has the words washington, US, on it.

“let me grab you something you could wear so you can wash up.” you nod your head as he gives you the clothes he found in his wardrobe, pointing towards the door of the bathroom. when the door of the bathroom closes, he returns to the room as he tidies up your stuff, and pulls out your blazer before putting it on a hanger.

“yo, jay!”

said the boy fucking jumps as he sees his best friend peek into his room. “for fuck's sake, hoon, what the fuck?”

“geez… just wanting to ask you who’s in the bathroom cause hee’s probably in his mama bear arc and not wanting anyone to wake his girlfriend up again.” sunghoon steps inside the room wearing a sleeveless t-shirt, readying to tackle the nightlife. jay thought his nightlight is enough to not let him notice his surrounding in a scrutinizing way. that is before he stood by the blazer hanging by the wardrobe.

“(l/n) (y/n)? wait, jjong?!” sunghoon turns towards him with a smirk on his face.

“doing it in fucking uniform, huh? my boy has grown up-“

“we didn’t do what you picturing and i’m fucking older than you. what do you mean?” jay retaliates as he sees the mischievous gaze in his friend’s eyes.

“by 8 months, by the way. so because she’s in the bathroom, i should probably see the mysterious girl you’re hiding from me in 3… 2...”

“um…” both of the boys turn to see you, towel around your shoulder as you wear jay’s clothes. the boy sees his friend’s lips lifting as he glances at you. jay can’t help to roll his eyes at how sunghoon is approaching you, curiosity in his eyes.

“(y/n), right? the name is sunghoon.” he sees sunghoon greets you with shaking hands and a wink. while you squint your eyes as he analyzes your face.

“hey, hey. no. not my girl.” jay approaches and grabs you, putting himself in front of you. sunghoon’s eyes squint as he stares at both of you, no look of recognition in his eyes on who you are now.

“wow, your girl, huh? okay.” sunghoon playfully retreats. “all of today’s orders are done but i want you to be my wingman and scavenge partner so i could get laid.”

“i know a party.” you mumbled from behind jay’s shoulder. “there’s a party right in the rich neighborhood area. if you know (l/n) somi before, there is a party at her house right now.” jay turns his head to glance at you, eyebrows lifted. “got the news from another levant student.” you tried to twist as best as you can.

“hmm, smart girl. great inspection. and sure thing i’ll do that.” sunghoon walks past the both of you as jay steps to the door.

“don’t forget a condom, jjong.”

“shut the fuck up,” jay replied as he heard the front door close, turning back towards you as he shook his head before pointing at his sleepwear in his bathroom. you give him a nod as you settle down on his chair, waiting for the boy to return.

after it, his room window opens, jay brought an ashtray out to put in between the two of you. usually, he already has the joints rolled and ready to go, but for today, he lets you try the fresh ones he has picked. you sat with your knees in front of you, staring at how he is rolling the paper with the grass inside before licking the end with saliva, seeing bulge from how many of them inside.

“one each is enough because we always shared ours,” he said as he give one to you and lit up a lighter, letting both of your blunts burn at the ashy scent lets you burn.

smoke flies in the room before being blown out outside the window as you both smoke each joint at your own pace. jay noticed your head on his shoulder as both of you share a joke. how your giggles make his heart flutter more, which makes him gaze at you with hooded eyes. chill, ambient music playing from the speaker of his computer as you picked yourself up from beside him, scooting yourself closer as you take another hit of your shortening joint. sit cross-legged in front of each other, jay watches how the weight has lifted off of you, your pupils blown out as you stare at his, knees touching as he moves closer while tapping the joint to the ashtray, letting the ash fall.

“it’s nice,” you mumbled, eyes gazing down on the messy sheet from where you both sat and lay down. jay hums before you continue.

“quiet. letting go of reality. brushing away any problems.” you talk slowly, the smoke leaving your mouth after you take another puff. “i never felt the way i felt with you before.”

jay straightens up as he sees you reach for your eyebags with your forefinger, brushing away a tear that you left out. he caught your glistening eyes before he brought you into his embrace, letting your face rest on his chest as he took another hit of the burning stick. your body trembles beneath his touch as he can only soothes you with his hand caressing down your back. all of him is warm, from the drug circulating in his body to the way your hand rests on his shoulder blades. jay kisses your head as the grass stench now makes the usual rose you wear faded away.

from where he sat, he can see the backpack you brought to school, watching the small cat plushie keychain that you told him from kiki’s delivery service as it rests against the patterned backpack. he recognizes how much you love cats and he understands why you rather use your pocket money to give to them. how you told him a story about an incident on the road that happened before you move away with your parents, a dead kitten at the side of the road because of them, and how they blatantly ignore it even if your chauffeur wanted to help at least burying the kitten.

“that’s why you care for cats.”

you nodded as you gaze at the skaters, “i see myself in that kitten. at that young age, i knew they didn’t love me as much as my older sister. how they want to hide me at somi’s birthday party when mine isn’t as lavish as hers, then when they send me away, i was too young to not push myself to ask why. as if i was being sent on a pilgrimage on their behalf.”

“i strive to care for stray cats because i could care for them, unlike how my parents are ignorant to me… well…” you lean forwards towards him.

“i’m like that stray cat. you are too, my friends and yours could be counted also. we’re dirty because of the environment we are in and we try our best to survive, jongseong.” jay looks at your flattened face as his brain runs with your metaphor, and how right it can be. “now you know why stray cats like to huddle with each other, right? cause they need a pack to help them survive.”

jay was looking at you in a daze when he didn’t realize you lift your head to face him. your fingers reach for his sharp face as his eyes move to meet you. your other hand putting the joint in the ashtray as he felt his own remove from between his fingers. even with your hooded eyes and dried streaks of tears, you still look as beautiful as ever.

he embraces your cheeks with both of his hands, meeting his lips with yours. the moisture coming from your kiss is getting more prominent as both of you made a mess, letting your tongue battle with each other as you both help each other with your appetite. it is past midnight, and he doesn’t want to bother heeseung in the room even if he’s two doors down, especially with his recovering insomniac girlfriend making him more sensitive to not waking her up.

his hands travel down your back, both heads tilted opposite ways to capture each other deeper, as he pushes you onto his lap before he lies on his back—you on top of him. your fingers are gripping his white t-shirt as he can sense your skin from your own rising on your back. you sighed as his palm met your skin, letting your head lift as he catches a string of saliva between the two of you.

“i never felt the way i felt with you, too,” jay replied with your own words as your high self let out snickers before embracing him back, enjoying how his hand trails up your side as you brought yours to his nape, letting you know how much he is down for you as the flame that burns your joints died down in that ashtray, only leaving the gray matter as your hand reaches for his shirt, lifting it up.

-

you brush your hair away from the mess it gets from being tangled. the morning breeze brushes your legs from yesterday’s uniform skirt you are still wearing. the sun is hiding behind the white clouds as you stepped out into the city early enough to only see people working out—jogging and cycling—on the streets. the blazer that hangs on your torso is thick enough to embrace you in the cloudy weather. you don’t know what you expect when you return home, a messy one or one that is as clean as new?

when you brought yourself out of jay’s embrace and duvet, you find yourself in his shorts and your bra—turning around to find him also shirtless. none of the roommates has woken up as you trek to their shared bathroom, smelling the smell associated with boys from the body sprays and deodorants they have strewn around. your eyes glance at the dark marks on your collarbones and on the skin exposed above your bra, making out until you both got too tired and let sleep consumes you. you recall how you move the ashtray to his bedside table as you bring yourself off of his lap, feeling his skin on yours. you quickly brush your face with cold water, waking yourself up as best as you sense the dryness of your oesophagus.

stepping back into his room, he is still fast asleep facing the open window of the apartment, the chirping birds’ voice coming inside as the computer that played music is in rest mode. you quickly change yourself back into your uniform-even with the blazer that you found hanging by the wardrobe as you heard vibration on a desk. walking up to it, text notifications showed up on what appeared to be jay’s phone.

hoon missed call (5)

hoon: we got an nooise complanann so the partys fauskcing cnaecl.

hoon: shit fuckk ur not answeringn.

hoon: iim crashiinng at sunooo

mom: hey honey, just wanted to remind you that we’ll arrive in korea today. see you in 12 hours. love you, jongseong.

you stepped away from the phone as you catch a groan coming from the boy, stretching out his hands from under his duvet. you reached his side of the bed, giving a peck at his exposed cheek.

“i’ll reach out to you soon,” you whispered in his ear before you grab your stuff and return to your home of a mansion.

even with the text sunghoon wrote—which you can deduct by reading carefully—you expected little that your house tidied up. that is when you’re met with the house as clean as ever. the housekeeper brushing away the wall with soap water as if the leftover of the party is still staining there. when they see you, you notice how spooked they are as you approach, entering the gate when you find out the car park has one more vehicle in place than when you left it.

you gulped as you see the housekeepers around you looking at you, the security guards, and gardeners, all of them pausing in various amounts of time to stare at you, the same look of spooked with a hint of tiredness in their eyes. sighs coming out from you—trying to think as clearly as possible—before you brace yourself and step towards the front door. you knew even if you stepped inside; you’ll be meeting them, especially since your dad needs his caffeine intake as early as this hour. stepping out of the shoes, you held onto your backpack straps as you let your slippery socks let you slide into the room, already feeling the harsh reality coming back when you not only found dad drinking his cup of coffee but also your mom and your sister beside her.

all of their eyes are on you as both of your parents view you with disappointment and disgrace, while somi has an expression of guilt hidden beneath her tired eyes. you hold yourself up with sparks forming in your gaze, teeth-gritting each other as you can guess the conversation you’ll be having based on the historical actions you’ve done to this family and what this family have done to you.

“(y/n). come sit here.” your mom said as you took a step, one by one, to reach the chair she pointed; sitting opposite the two women while dad is at the head of the table. somi’s eyes drift at your figure, her blonde hair looks as dishevelled as ever, but no trace of the party she did last night evidently on her. like the true good kid she is.

“four times. four times and maybe more that we didn’t catch, (y/n).” your mom starts as you gaze down at the dining table. the ice-cold—even your sister also shows one—gazes are stinging you more than the flame inside you, biting in small yet sharp nips as you let them continue. you’ve always stayed silent to them and they feared you for that, but with how your mom continues to scold you, you realize that they’re turning your quiet demeanour into an acceptance—how your silence changes its status to no permission to judge—letting her continue to tell you anything wrong with you, how disrespectful you’ve gotten, and much, much more.

but it brought the anxiety that sits within you up as a shield. your vision and mind haze in an uncertain fog as you try your best to block it; freezing yourself up. everything is running through your mind so fast that you don’t have enough time to analyze anything, but you know that your anxiousness to speak out is why she continues, even with your dad giving in to spoke little comments or adding to your mom’s argument. your eyes gaze on your sister’s as you see her eyebrows furrowed, nostrils flaring as you only see her concern right now. where has she been, huh? you wanted to exclaim.

the way your parents are continuing to berate you makes you stare at your sister and see her with her friends doing the same way with your schoolmate and juniors. your heart beats rapidly when you found out that you’re a pawn in their game.

“you wanted to know why. right? you’re going to be somi’s right-hand woman as chief operating officer. you’ll have a board seat along with her and us as you then going to take care of the new start-ups we required.” start-ups that even you identify aren’t profitable with the little economic lesson you got in the classroom and on the internet. even with the way they mention them, somi looks at them with her unreadable expression to others but you learned, even with that small glimpse, she’s jealous you still got to do something even on a known sinking armada of companies. you don’t know what your parents have gotten you into as all the power-hungry sides come out from behind the masks. now you can recognize the ice-cold gaze somi has before returning to concern: they were teaching her you’re her competition, not her sister.

they’re manipulating her as much as they manipulate you. as much as your grandpa manipulates your uncle. survival of the fittest.

but you don’t want to be subdued like your uncle is. even if he is not involved, he is still smart enough to tell you the horrible telltales from it. you had no choice but to voice out because you’re getting dizzy for not letting the fire out.

“ENOUGH!”

your parents and sister all looked at you aghast. the housekeepers inside the room are also shocked as they look your way. your chair is pushed back from how quick and powerful your stance is, standing up with your hands on the table.

“you are vile. all of you are vile, power-hungry, monsters. i see now that you’re making me your pawn and puppet, just how somi is being taught now.” somi looks at you, eyes widen as she heard you speak now after only replying in short answers all the time. her hands are now rubbing against each other as you held on.

“if you think that i’m the naughty one within this bunch, haven’t you thought about your favourite kid, huh? her constant partying, inviting “friends” over which she hooks up. even last night, she had this fucking party you don’t know that even the police got involved." you let out a villainous smile. you now learned you are that in their eyes. “but you didn’t care. you didn’t care shit about the troubles your successor has done, cause you rather heckle me.”

“(l/n) (y/n)!” your dad spokes scarily, trying to deter you, which he now knows is failing as you stare at him as menacingly as possible. like a tiger chasing after its prey while also fighting another species that is trying to get to it first.

“you don’t fucking care about me. you’re trying to set somi against me and ruin this fucking family, just like how grandpa is ruining it for you and your brother. but now i see it, dad. i realize how you treat me like a spare.” you let out words you’ve been internalizing for a while, your throat slowly getting hoarse as you realized you haven’t eaten or drunk anything since you left jay’s apartment.

“okay, that’s it.” your mom now stand up as somi is looking at the giants in front of her, fury rushes between each of her family when she looks at you and sees how your body is shuddering, eyes looking straight at your mom, and how dry your lips are.

“you have two choices, (y/n).” your mom stares at your dad as if they have been planning for this for a long time. a smirk between the two of them that disgust you so much before she looks back at you. “one. you’ll stay here. we shaped you into an amazing entrepreneur who will follow in your dad’s and grandpa’s footsteps as president along with your sister as ceo. you still live in this house, gaining every inch of luxury and privilege you can get.”

“or two. you’ll leave and start from zero. we will pay the tuition for you until this semester and then the only asset you get from us is from your trust fund, which is enough for you to live by, but we could remove you anytime. find where you live by yourself and no luxuries from this household, including bringing a housekeeper. no joining company parties. no connection to the family whatsoever under business pretences.” your mom speaks as confidently as possible, believing you stay with them because of how quiet equals “carelessness” from every consequence around you. a smile is forming internally as you know the best option you picked. you let out a calming sigh to yourself.

“i’ll leave.” your mom’s smile fades as she returns to look at your dad. “you never even cared for me, anyway. but if you think that you’re going to rid me of the trust fund, just so you know i still have people at my side.” your eyes landed on your sister who has been quiet the whole time. “even your successor.”

you give a tiny nod before getting rid of yourself from the table as you return to your room. pulling out the suitcases and bags you get, you open your wardrobe one by one, not minding to let your room door close before you see one of the housekeepers enters and goes to the stuff you’ve put on top of your mattress, looking at the door to find a few more standing by your door.

“let us help, miss.” you give her a nod as a few others step in and help you clean up, only pulling the things that you needed clothes, undergarments, toiletries, your stationeries, and a few of your memorable items such as your favourite toys—especially the kitten cuddly toy you got with your friends from the claw machine. your room is being ransacked and packed into bags as you finish a phone call when you turn to see somi leaning against your doorframe. you give the housekeepers a nod as you let them do their job while bringing yourself to face your sister. you recognize how grimy your body is, but you couldn’t care less because you rather leave as soon as possible.

your gaze at your sister makes her openly cower before she said, “i’m sorry. i’m sorry for making you feel this way. i’m sorry for being mom and dad’s favourite child. i’m sorry for not defending you, i’m-“

“hey.” you stopped her as your hand embraces one of hers. her blonde hair looks puffy as if she had it tied from last night’s party. “i forgive you. but i will not forgive our parents for what they’ve done to me any time soon. how labile they are for their choices about me and everything surrounding us. how they don’t feel any wrong about pitting their daughters against each other. but i know…” your eyebrows furrowed as you stare at her.

“i know that you’re feeling as anxious as i especially when facing them. and it’s normal. i guess this could be a wake-up call for them as much as it is a wake-up call for you.” you pat her hands as you give a small smile.

“you know what? fuck them, right? we don’t want to be born like so let us just start all o-“

“you’re being impulsive, somi.” you stopped your sister as your eyes gaze at her, shaking your head. “i rather you stay. they love you enough and you’ve been shaped to be one of the most powerful women in the media in the future. don’t waste all of that for me.” somi’s eyes have water in them as you tried your best to hold it in because as much as you want to break down in front of her, you still don’t trust her.

“you’re going to be my woman from the inside, okay? take care of our parents for me.” you rub your sister’s upper arm before she brings you into a hug, a crushing hug that brought you back to when both of you were kids. both of you were too innocent for the machiavellian family and world you were born in. somi’s sobs muffled by your shoulder as you can’t help but let out a tear before you wipe it away. leaning back, you see your sister let out a small smile.

“i’m gonna miss you.”

“i’m still in the same school as you, aren't i? we can meet at school,” you replied, making her let out a chuckle.

she nods her head as you turn to see a housekeeper telling you they’re done with their work. you tell them to bring it to the carpark and give them a small “thank you.” you bring the bags filled with your important assets—notebook, laptop, chargers, et cetera—to the car that is set up for you; knowing that your parents will still lend you one even if they disown you. putting in the back seat as you want to sit at the front, you turn to face the front door to see somi by the steps and your parents at the door, obscure by darkness.

“farewell.” you mouthed to yourself as you sit in the front seat of the car your family owns one last time.

the ride was quiet but exciting for you. a new beginning, even if it was unconventional. the gps is showing where your destination is as the chauffeur continues. the weekend is getting more hustle and bustle as people went out to their own thing and how you’re going to be those people intrigues you. when you arrived by the high-rises of the apartment complex, you give out a text as your car stops. you help the chauffeur pull out your bags from the back seat and boot before you give him a tip. “for a drink, for cig, i don’t know it depends on you.”

“thank you, miss.” the chauffeur steps into the car as the vehicle leaves you by the lobby of the building. you look down at your phone as you tried to text again when you heard his voice.

“no fucking way.” you see jay emerging from the door in his outfit from last night as you give him a tight-lip smile. his eyes wander the bags around you as he asked, “what happened?”

“long story short, i left my house and have no one to stay with so i phone the only person i trust with this.” you stepped towards him, hands behind you as you sway like a schoolgirl. “can i stay with you for a bit? i can move out if i find a unit for myse-“

“you can stay.” he moves closer with a smirk on his face, “if you’ll be with me?”

“i- i, okay. sure.” you let out a giggle. “weirdest way to have a boyfriend but i guess here we are.”

“yeah.” he chuckles and pulls his own phone out. “i gotta call hee first. they could help bring these up.” he widens his arms as you step to hug him in your arms while he wraps you tight, letting him call the others with you in his embrace. the boys and heeseung’s girlfriend all step down as they brought your stuff up when you find the apartment in a chaotic state.

“sorry (y/n), jay’s parents are gonna come over for dinner tonight and we’ve been trying our best to get rid of the plants.” heeseung said.

“i know. i saw the notification before leaving.” that’s when an idea came to your mind.

all five of you help clean the place up along with settling your stuff in jay’s room. the boys tried their best to get rid of the smoke and grass scents as jay makes the meal for the rest of them and his parents. you also did a detour with heeseung’s girlfriend to help camouflage the weed plants—all of them are now on the balcony. as heeseung’s girlfriend left to go home, you are the only that left to help with the little details as the boys are preparing themselves. when you help place dinner—just like how you remember the housekeeper places them—the boys all flock wearing the most academic and semi-formal outfits they have. that’s when all of you heard the bell as jay strays away and goes to greet his parents at the door. you stare at sunghoon and heeseung beside you as you remembered what they mentioned of them.

“they’re protective over jay but they do care for him. sometimes a bit too much like joining in his unnecessary business and all of that shit.”

jay emerges from the front door and you see his parents coming in wearing pretty casual clothes since jay said they check into their hotel after arriving. heeseung and sunghoon greets jay’s parents before they stopped to look at you as jay steps behind to bring you over.

“mom, dad. this is (y/n). my girlfriend.” his parents’ eyes widen as his mom lets out a sheepish smile, similar to his smile.

“nice to meet you, (y/n). he hasn’t told us about you.” his mom greets you positively as you tried your best to reply.

“likewise, mrs. park. we became official nearly a week ago. i didn’t expect to meet his parents so early too.” you tried to laugh it off while weaving the truth. of course, you don’t want them to learn that jay brought you to meet his parents the same day both of you are official.

“of course. i didn’t expect jay to have a high school sweetheart like his parents have until now.” mr. park chimes in as you glimpse the boys snickering while nudging jay’s side. you let both of them stand in and look around the room—you’ve hidden your stuff in boxes and his spare cabinet so that they don’t know you are living there.

their eyes scanned the used-to-be empty space in the living room where heeseung has set up a table for the dinner and then to the balcony beside it.

“is that rose that i see?” mrs. park steps towards. your eyes gaze at the boys as her son picks up the conversation.

“yes. heeseung’s girlfriend likes plants, so we let her take care of plants here too. (y/n) added the roses and chrysanthemums so it doesn’t look dull. so now, we have something to do at home. we wanted pets but we don’t know if we’re free enough to take care of one.” jay spoke the story all of you created to lie to his parents as your eyes land on him. you give him a wink, to which he replied with the same thing as he brought the parents to the table where the dinner is served.

-

jay rode his skateboard down the sidewalk and along the bicycle path of the streets of seoul, pushing his foot against the road so that it moves faster and faster. he almost forgot that his friends wants to meet up at cafe 95 to get an early dinner together before he read the now 11-person group chats. the afternoon sun shines on him as the wind is blowing on the ends of his blazer and his untucked white shirt. he has gone to several places to deliver the goods after school, seeing his fingers stain from the marker. his empty stomach is raging at him to fill up as he navigates through the sea of people.

the cafe’s exterior lights show in his vision as he approached it closer and closer. when he is close, jay slows down with his foot before kicking his skateboard to put it upright, seeing another skateboard similar to his already leaning against the bicycle racks at the front. the one he recognizes is the same model as his own but has a large rose pattern at the bottom between the wheels.

jay pushes the door as the bell rings when he looked at the gang’s usual corner to see some of them already at the table. even sunghoon who is also delivering already arrived before him. he pokes his cheek before stepping towards the counter whilst pulling out his wallet from his uniform pants.

“the usual iced americano?” he lifts his head to see you behind the cashier, wearing your barista outfit as his schoolmate is on the espresso machine, letting him smell the delicious aroma of caffeine.

when you mentioned to him how you wanted to at least try working for your own money, he remembers an open spot for a barista in cafe 95 and mentioned it to you. safe to say you got the job after jimin, the other co-founder of cafe 95 along with taehyung, tests you on their different coffees, and each ingredient needed—something he listens to as you sat on your shared bed, memorizing it like a school test. you have mixed all the cluttered items in his room with your own as it doesn’t look like a man cave anymore. decelis relics being mixed with levants, textbooks that are similar but made by different publishers, and the cat plushie sits by your bedside table. though with not much of a difference on color scheme, you have integrated yourself into his room and his life; making his dull one much more thrilling.

“yes. by the way, how’s the order?” jay whispered to you.

you lean in as best as you can so he could hear. “jooyeon, mako, and ryujin. all done. all deliver. how are you going to pay for the coffee, good sir?” you lean back after answering what he questioned.

ever since you stayed with the boys, rumors are going around about how you’re dating a decelis student known as “jay the stoner” in your school. that’s when you decide to take another avenue and be a part of the operation with him and sunghoon, a delivery staff specifically for levant high students or the ones surrounding it.

“cash. is all of the gang here?” jay mentions before putting it toward you.

“all except for taehyun and beomgyu, it seems,” you replied as you look the side to see all of your friends with him gathering at the corner.

jay gets his change and lets you make his order as he comes face-to-face with his friends. kai scoots towards sunghoon so that jay can sit beside him, facing sunoo who has his head on his best friend’s shoulder.

“you’ve seen beomgyu and taehyun?” he asked the two best friends who should know because of their relationship with the film club.

both of them shaking their heads as jay returns his gaze to his other friends who were talking about sunghoon, wondering what his two friends are up to. yet, no other of his friends are concerned.

his trance left as he felt you entering beside him, putting his order on the table. at least for now, jay can still enjoy his friends and new girlfriend all together, excited for what is coming. especially with the movie that sunoo has told about which his film club friends are taking a part to produce.

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[bobohoney]

Relax, baby (M)

Pairing: stoner!Byun Baekhyun x stoner!OC

Warning: this contains mature content

•••

Flaming hot cheetos were scattered all over the sofa long forgotten while you were on top of Baekhyun kissing him, you were sucking on his tongue tasting the mixed flavors of weed and coke that to your surprise were pretty tasty. Baekhyun was eager for your touch today, he wouldn’t stop moving his hands squeezing every part of your body. You started to roll your hips against his pelvis and he whimpered on your mouth. Getting high with Baekhyun surely meant having high sex with him, he just was a horny stoner and you were all about it but not today you just wanted to kiss him, to have him in your arms at least for once.

He was tugging at your hoodie when you told him to stop and Baekhyun looked at you with pleading puppy eyes.

“Do you not want me, baby?” He asked pouting, fuck him for being cute and making you weak to the knees.

“It’s not that, Baek…I didn’t have a good day i don’t know if i have the energy for this.”

He undertood you, you weren’t feeling good right now but his taurus ass was stubborn and wanted to make you feel good as you made him feel good always so he grabbed your hips and with a loud thud he made you laid down on the sofa.

“Dude what are you on about…” You said confused while Baekhyun hovered over your hips. Jesus he looked so hot with his disveheled brown hair and droopy black eyes.

“Can i eat you out to make you feel better?” Only that question and the way Baekhyun was looking at you made you feel all hot and bothered. You nodded.

He started rubbing his nose softly against your panties making you wet yourself even more and not only did he start rubbing his nose he also kept his eyes on you. Focused on your reactions, he didn’t miss to see your flushed cheeks and how you wet your lips every 10 seconds.

“S-stop looking at me…” You whispered when he rubbed his nose particularly hard that’s why your voice came a lot more airy and breathy.

“No, i won’t baby. I want to make you so flustered and wet. You have no idea how much i want to make you feel good.” Baekhyun moaned the last words, making your clit expand with arousal. You whimpered at his moan and he let out a breathy giggle that not only did it make you shiver but it also erected your nipples.

“Shit, baby you are creaming all your panties makes me want to eat that pussy so bad.”

“Then do it.” You couldn’t hold yourself together anymore and you had possibly came before he even ate you out.

“Gladly, baby.” He answered.

Baekhyun made your panties aside and licked a long stripe across your pink cunt, you moaned loudly responsive to his touch, then he held his tongue against your clit making you go wild to the sensation of having something against your poor erected bud. It was only seconds that he didn’t move because after your moan he started flicking your clit. Your hand flew to his head pressing his tongue deeper on your cunt. You were gonna come again by only having his tongue flick your clitoris and you did, you orgasmed with Baekhyun's name coming out of your mouth.

Your hands relaxed around his head, allowing him to breath. Baekhyun separated himself from your pussy and cleaned the shiny sheen around his mouth. Sucking his fingers clean of your tasty cum. He sat there looking at your flushed skin with a tiny and adorable smile.

“That surely made me relax.” You talked with your closed eyes. “Now i want a pot brownie.”

“Ugh, me too babe..I was also craving those flaming hot cheetos that are on the floor but pot brownies sound delicious right now.”

[bubble-tae]

Stoner Tae

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Warnings: Suggestive

Summary: Just some cute skater/stoner Taehyung, no real plot, just love this type of Tae!

Word count: 1k

reposted from old account

Taehyung took a long hit from the bong before quickly passing it to you, smoke coming out in thick puffs as he coughed and hit his chest.

“Pussy!” you called out to him before handing him your water bottle. “Thought you said you didn’t want anything to drink” you taunted at him. He gave you the finger before flicking the cap off the water and chugging half of it. You giggled at your boyfriend, the joint you shared earlier still clouding your mind as you watched water drip down his plump lips. Tae tried to give his best sexy wink as he continued to down the water, but it backfired when he began laughing at his own dumb antics, causing water to spew from his mouth and down onto the concret in front of him. You were both in his backyard, the fence shielding you from unwanted visitors, and being outside helped with the smell of course.

“You’re so stupid” you giggled at him before putting the bong to your lips. Taehyung wiped the water from his face and walked over to his skateboard, which was laying limply halfway on the grass. He had just gotten his new skate shoes today, and he was itching to ride with them. You never understood the intense need to wreck a pair of shoes, to wear each tear from the sidewalk as a sort of honorary badge. I guess everyone has their thing, getting beat up by the fault of his own board was Tae’s thing. You’ll never forget the look on his face the first time you saw him break a board trying to do some trick on the curb. You thought he would be heartbroken, I mean he babied that thing, named it, cleaned its bearing with delicate hands, but when the first small crack was heard he couldn’t get that dumb smile off his face. He snapped the rest of it with his knee, a proper send off, like throwing an empty lighter on the ground. Taehyung spent the next two weeks saving for a new one. He’d work double shifts at the gas station down the road every time he needed money for anything for his board; trucks, bearings, grip tape, what have you.

Tae kicked the board over with his fresh canvas shoes, not caring that they cost him his last paycheck. This current board had seen better days. It was going on 6 months, the longest he had ever kept a board alive, and it was pretty noticeable. The image that was once on the underbelly was completely scratched away, rough divots scratched through the paint and into the wood. If anyone asked what it was supposed to be he would say it was you, when in reality it was a devil girl with a snake tongue in skimpy black clothing. You’d laugh and hit him on his shoulder, but all in all you were glad the image was faded into a memory. Not everyone had to know that you weren’t the good girl people thought you were.

“You ever gonna hit that or do plan on just holding it all day” Tae joked as he stood on the skateboard, swaying his hips back and forth and not really moving anywhere. You blushed a little before grabbing the lighter and lighting the bowl, hitting it as he tried to do some sort of trick. When you put the bong down you were turned away for no more than a second before you heard the skidding of the board and a hard thud against the pavement. Turning around quickly you saw your boyfriend curled up sideways in a ball making exaggerated groaning noises.

“You good?” you asked not really phased. Taehyung sat up with a pout and pushed his elbow out into view, showing a large scratch that was already starting to bleed.

“I got a boo boo.” he said through pursed lips, looking up from the ground with puppy dog eyes.

“Oh no!” You giggled, and playing along got up from your seat to crouch down in front of him. Your hands cupped his face and you gave him a forced frown, causing him to let out a small whimper before he begged, “Kiss it better?” He closed his eyes and puckered his lips waiting to feel yours, his hands now holding him up behind him. Your hands rested on his upper thighs as you leaned in slowly, squeezing them softly just to tease him. When you were inches from his lips you quickly moved upward to kiss his forehead instead; but Taehyung was ready. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you down on top of him, his brown hair frayed against the ground.

“Gotcha.” he said quietly, your face hovering above his. With a slight smile you leaned down, closing the space between the two of you. His lips were warm against yours, the musk from the smoke still evident on his breath. Your hands went in his hair as the kiss deepened, his tongue finding its way to yours. It wasn’t long before Taehyung was pulling your hips down to meet his crotch, the semi hardness from his growing erection sliding against you, making you let out a small groan. You sucked at his bottom lip before letting it go with a slight pop, his head following yours for more as you began to pull away. A giggle escaped your mouth before giving him a quick kiss on the nose.

“Maybe we should go inside.” you suggested. Taehyung pouted again as his head laid back down on the pavement.

“Fiiiiine” he said, acting more bothered about stopping then he actually was, “but once we do, I’m in charge.” There was a devilish glint in his eyes as he looked up at you. Taehyung may have liked to play games, but it seemed he was starting to forget who the real trouble maker was.

“Yeah,” you started with an eye roll, “sure you are.”

[kpopstoner]

yangyang hasn’t even sat down before he takes a hit off your dab pen. he holds the red material carefully, his finger more forceful on the button than it needs to be. he takes a long hit, and holds a water bottle before he exhales. he coughs a few times afterwards, chugging water before handing you your pen back.

“i’m already too high.”

[kmelanin]

Permanent Ink / kth \ 5

A/n: Hi

PI Masterlist

You had a makeup artist come by earlier to do your makeup, and hairstylist to do your hair. Sometimes you didn't feel like doing it yourself. You had on a matte black bodycon dress, it was strapless. And your hair was pinned back. You also had on some white Yeezy sneakers.

You were in your black Jeep heading over to Taehyung's. You told him that you were coming over to drop off his free clothes and his check. You've decided to give him everything early since he was soon going to be kicked out of his home. You were really pushing it, his landlord being an asshole, gave him only a week left until he had to move out. You called him down to come and help you grab one of the two boxes. 

You were a bit disappointed to see that his hair was black again, but then again you weren't. You felt the nerves from before, when you first met him. It made him scary. 

“I don't understand why you're bringing these boxes over, when you know I have to move everything out in a couple of days.” He groans as he nots only one box, but both boxes. 

“Just yesterday you were complaining that I haven't been true to my side of the offer. Plus with this check I'm going to give you, just buy some people to move your shit for you.” You argue back. He doesn't say anything. You follow him up to his apartment. You see boxes all over his home, some filled, some not. 

He sets down the boxes and you had him an envelope. He smiles a bit and grabs it. He opens it up and his eyes almost pop out of his head. 

“This-this...I could buy the building if I wanted to YN!” He looks at you with the crazy expression. You just shrug your shoulders. 

“Right, and continue to work for me and you can get more checks like that. Now I expect you to find a better, bigger apartment, with at least one bedroom.” You joke around a little, pointing at the fact that his bed is next to his couch and couch is next to the dining table. “I've also had Rowan search for a good manager and little team for you. To help you with your ‘new’ life.” You say. “Ill also have her send you my banks name and address, you can make an account there. Or where ever you go, make sure you cash it soon though.” 

You need to leave before you were late to Jimin. Yes you agreed to meet him. Why not? 

“I have to go meet someone, but text me if you need anything.” You grab you bag and walked towards the door.

“Who are you going to go see?” He asks from behind you. His voice catching you before you could even open the door. 

“Don't worry, it's nothing with work-”

“Is it that guy you were with in the office?” His voice was a bit lower but louder in volume. You turned back to him, surprised he even saw you. Before you could say something back, someone knocked on the door. You being confused with everything happening at once, you open the door. 

Sinsi was there, looking between you and Taehyung, with a confused look on her face.

“I uh...Hi” She says, her face turning slightly pink. 

“Hi, I was just giving him his first check personally.” You nod and go to leave, but letting her in first. 

“Actually, since you're here. It's probably better if I tell you as well, so Bo Gum doesn't tell you first.” She steps in. Taehyung had his usual frown on his face as he stuck his hands in his pockets. “Uh...well Bogum and I aren't together anymore. I left him.” She then turns to Taehyung with her head down. “...for you.” 

Your bag falls from your hand, on accident. You were speechless at her words. Did she really…? Was he going too. You didn't want to see this anymore. You didn't want to get hurt when he happily runs back to her arms. You understood that she was his first love, and he probably still loves…

You pout, bending down to grab your bag. You had no room to talk, you were just going to go see Jimin. Plus it's not like he liked you or anything. 

“Oh, I'm sorry. But now it looks like you have something to talk about so I'll see you later.” You turn the knob, but just like you thought would happen. Taehyung stops you by calling out your name.

He didn't want to be left alone with Sinsi. Not only that, but you two were not done talking. 

Taehyung walks toward you a little, or more towards the door.

“Now, I don't know what you thought this was, or if you forgot who I am. Should I remind you that you left me for Bogum? Sure you were an easy lay when you were with him. But if you honestly think that I would take you back after you left me for someone else, cheated on them, then just left them...Sinsi you need help.” His voice was slightly strained. You could almost feel his pain, you just wanted to go and hug him. You could feel the tension in the room, it made you nervous. You weren’t sure what was going to happen next. 

Sinsi stood there stuck, not knowing what to say herself. Taehyung just sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. He looked down at his feet and shook his head a bit. In this moment, Taehyung made a decision. He didn't want Sinsi in his life anymore, he wanted you. But he won't tell you that part. Before Sinsi could say anything, he looks up and at her with a look she wished she had never seen. She's seen the look when they were dating, and a guy had tried to hit on her in a bar. 

“I want you to leave, I don't want to see you ever again.” His voice was filled with disgust, and you could tell that she felt it because it looked like she was going to cry. She looked to you for answers but you quickly look away, not wanting anything to do with this. Even though, if you weren't in the picture he probably would of taken her back. So technically yeah you're a big part, but you didn't know that.

“Can we just-” She starts and steps forward reaching out to him, but he takes two steps back and stands behind you. You freak out a little and try to step away but his hands leave his pocket and the land on your waist. Your eyes almost popped out of your head when she frowns and looks at you. You look down, feeling embarrassed. Your cheeks and ears were burning like crazy. 

Sinsi looks up at Taehyung. His eyes staring right into hers. He felt nothing towards her, nothing but hatred, at the moment. She could see that. She knew he wasn't going to talk, he hated going back and forth. She would have to find another way to explain her side of the story, but she also knew that he wasn't going to take her back. She looked at you, and understood. You're a lucky one, Sinsi couldn't help but think. 

She nods, and leaves. Leaving you two in silence. You still standing there, with Taehyung behind you with his hands on your hips. You tried to calm your breathing, then take a step forward. But his hands pulled you back deeper into his hold. 

“Tae what are you doing?” You whisper, not knowing what to do. You felt frozen. His head comes forward, along with his arms, pulling you into a back hug. 

“I'm so happy that she's finally out of my life.” He whispers. “If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be in a toxic relationship.” His words caused you to frown, you quickly stepped away catching him off guard. 

“You are a grown man, you make your own decisions.” You put your hands on your hips. You didn't want him going all soft on you, gain feelings with the wrong emotions. Forget Sinsi. 

Taehyung was frustrated. You thought he meant that he used you as an excuse. But no. He is a go with the flow type of guy. If he thinks you are worthy he will give you a chance. He wanted to see what good you will bring him, other than financially. 

“No shit.” He rolls his eyes and walks over to his weed tray. He definitely needed a fat blunt right now. But he pauses in his steps and looks back at you. You hand was on the door and you were looking at him waiting for his response. Then he remembered where you were going, to see a guy...but who was he? He walks over to you, he watches you as your eyes widen. You hand falls from the door, and your purse is in your hand. Taehyung's eyes lock onto yours and he grabs the purse from you and throws it down and at the same time grabs onto your waist and pulls you into him. You were stunned, and everything happened so fast, that you didn't realize how close he really was to you. His lips attached to yours, and you quickly kiss him back. His hand raises up to your cheek and he quickly takes over and forces your mouth open. You go along with it, loving the tingling feeling all over your body. 

His other hand is on your waist, his fingers digging into your side, one of his legs pushed between your legs, hiking your dress up. His lips trail down your neck as his hand on your waist went down and pull your dress all the way up to your hips. He looks back up to you and he pulls you away from the door and towards his bed. You smiled a bit and bit your lip. He knew you were into this and he laid you on his bed. He kissed you a couple of times more, his hand travel down your body. 

But Jimin comes to your mind, making you pause a bit. Taehyung's hand was dragging your dress up. But you quickly sit up needing him to stop. 

“What? I thought-”

“No you're okay. I just almost forgot about Jimin.” You stand up and fix your dress. You look over to the full body mirror he had hanging up and fix your hair, and make sure that your makeup was in check.  

Taehyung was slightly irritated, with himself mostly. Why the fuck does he care that you're going to see another guy? He clenches his jaw and run his fingers through his hair. 

“Your brother? Friend?-”

“Ex.” You say looking back at him. You smile a bit wondering if he felt any sort of jealousy. You tilted your head to the side a bit as he frowned but then quit fixed his hair to cover it up. “He wants to meet up. I have a feeling that he wants to get back together but now i'm not sure.” You pause a bit, seeing if he would answer. But he continues to look down. You just shrug. “I'm assuming what just happened was ‘nothing’ like anyone in your position. Totally understandable that you're on some rebound type shit. So i'm going to go now.” You nod your head and head towards your purse. 

Jimin was like you remembered. Different of course, but the same. The same bubbly soft personality that pulled you in before. His eyes were on you the whole time you were with him. Listening to you and just talking to you. It made you miss him a bit. 

“So what do you want from me Mr. Park?” You ask him as he walked you to your door. You've been with him for hours and you were beyond tired. He looks at you with a soft smile on his lips. His eyes were crescents and he hesitates. 

“Honestly, a second chance would make me happy.” His words made you pause in your steps. You didn't know what to say. His words only confuse you. 

“I- um. I don't think that's a good idea Jimin. Nothing good comes from dating your ex's.” You mumble feeling his sadness comes off of him. 

“I understand, but just think about it.” He leans in and kisses your cheek. “Good night.”

Taehyung can't get any of your kissed between each other out of his head. He was disappointed in himself. He swore that his lips would only touch the person he loves, and yet he can't keep his away from you. No he doesn't love you, he doesn't let himself love anyone that easily. 

Sinsi was the girl from high school, the girl he liked almost all of high school. 

But you, you were something else. Something he didn't know anything about. He doesn't know how to live like you do, he could barely afford to do what you do. But he feels as if you both were magnets, and everytime you were too close, you would clink together and struggle to pull away.

After the last photoshoot Taehyung had to do for a while, you haven't seen him. You couldn't find him or reach him. It just makes you think about everything that happened recently. You had a successful clothing drop, you now smoked weed everyday, Sinsi tried to get back with Taehyung and that was a scandal in itself. But then you also thought about the little conversations, back when he mentioned giving you sex for helping him out. You laughed a little at that one. 

Then you couldn't stop thinking about his tattoos all over his body, how badly you wanted to discover all of the tattoos. 

That's when you got an idea. If he wasn't going to talk to you then you would just have to go to him. You quickly get your phone out and look up small tattoos, maybe something for your finger. You got up and headed to his tattoo shop. 

You took a deep breath and walked in, you seen Soobin at the front. When he looked up, he smiled and nodded at you.

“Hey, whats up! Wheres Rowan?” He smile makes you want to just pinch his cheeks.

“She's at the office. Where’s Taehyung?” You ask leaning against the counter.

“I'll go get him.” He nods and walks to the back. Within a couple of seconds he appears. When he saw you, it was like didn't know he was coming to see you.

“YN?”

“Hi, I would like to get a tattoo today.” You smile softly. He was stuck for a second. That was all you wanted? “I want just a simple sun on my finger.” 

“I don't do finger tattoos, this shop doesn't do finger tattoos.” He grumbles. That stops you in your tracks. You frown clearly remembering a whole hand being done by him on his instagram. 

“Okay. I have no idea why you are acting like this. I did nothing wrong.” 

You did nothing wrong, if anything he messed up. He can't even look at you without wanted to pull you close.

“You did nothing wrong. I just don't do finger tattoos.” He sighs. 

“Not even if I pay you extra?” You ask frowning. Now that you're here, you didn't want to leave without your tattoo. Taehyung gives you a blank look, then shakes his head and looks away.

“Look, I have an appointment in a couple of hours. I still need to draw everything up. So I would like to get back to that.” Now his face looks annoyed, and guess the fuck what, you were causing it, like always.

“Does Yoongi do them?” You ask, knowing his shop was near your home. His face instantly frowned. He starts to chuckle, more in a sarcastic tone. Then he starts to walk toward the end on the counter, towards the opening to come to the side where you are and towards the opening to the back studios. You couldn't believe he was just going to walk away. Why was he acting like this towards you. Everything was going so well. 

“Whatever.” You mumble and turn to leave. You wouldn't both him again, except for at work. You shouldn't be stressing over some beautiful ass guy. You are YN, you can get anyone. 

So why the fuck couldn't you get Taehyung. Ugh. 

Taehyung watched as you walked away, he felt his eyes started to sting and his heart was beating faster and faster, each step you took towards the door.  He wanted to scream, not knowing what this feeling was. The only way to stop it is to go to you, so he does. His walks fast behind you and with one of his larger tattooed hands, his grabs on to your upper arm, stopping you. You jumped, shocked that he actually came after you. 

Before you could say anything, he pulls you towards the back studio. You were heading towards his room based on the memories from your last tattoo. Once you were in the room, he shuts and locks the door.

“Sit.” He nudges you towards the chair and you sit down. You were a little confused to what was happening. But when he goes to his desk of supplies and pulls out a tattoo gun and some ink. You assumed he gave in. 

“What do you want done and what finger?” He asks bring out new needles and some cleaning supplies. You hold out the finger you want and he cleans it off. 

“What changed your mind?” You ask confused, but he doesn't respond. So you just tell him you want a simple sun, and you let him do his thing. 

Once you were done endearing ten minutes of pure pain, he cleans it off and wraps it for you. When he goes back to his desk to set his gun down, you stand up.

“So I'm assuming I pay up front?” You say putting your bag on your shoulder, being careful of your finger. But he doesn't say anything. He kept cleaning up his area, stalling. But you didn't know that. He didn't want you to leave. He needs to tell you what's going through his mind. But he doesn't know how. He wants to throw everything around in frustration, his hands shaking as he puts the things he used back or in the trash. 

“One sec,” His voice comes out rougher than he planned. You nod, not that he seen it and stood there. A couple of more minutes passed by, the only noise was from whatever he was doing. Once he was done, he washes his hands in the sink in the corner of the room and he dries them.

“Do you uh...want to do something tomorrow?”He looked as if he was unsure of what he was saying. But then he nodded, sure of himself.

“Sure.” You say a  bit surprised. “What do you want to do?”

“Let me think about it tonight and I'll message you in the morning?” His brows raise, but his voice was steady. Was he nervous? Well this is new. 

“Yea, okay.”

When those words left your mouth, a smile breaks out on his face. He looks down, trying to hide it. The tension from earlier completely forgotten about. You wanted to walk over to him, but what would you do? What would he allow? Is this going to be a date, or as friends.

Now you were overthinking it. 

You looked back up at him to say goodbye, but he was already making his way over to you. One of his hands come up and grab your chin. You leaves the softest kiss on your lips and he pulls away. He sighs softly, and smiles. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

[kpoptionate]

[11:07] “we’re gonna get caught,” you forewarn stoner!jaemin, brows furrowed together in worry as you look around the classroom. he only laughs, breaking off a piece of his brownie and handing it to you.

“not if you act like it’s just regular food. you’ve never done this before, right?” he asks, to which you slightly shake your head, causing him to smile and chuckle at your innocence. “only take a little bit, then, and we’ll see how far we can go after.”

you hesitantly take the bit from his hand and put it in your mouth, only getting more nervous as you watch him stuff the rest of it in his own. another grin grows on his face as you look up at him with puppy eyes, panic beginning to set in now that you’ve actually consumed it.

“calm down, y/n, you’ll be fine. you’ll feel better in a minute. trust me.” jaemin places his hand on your thigh and rubs it in soothing circles, and you can only do as he says and hope he’s right as you lean forward to continue doing your work.

[luckyukhei]

Knitty Gritty - Sequel to @haechanhearts ‘s “Stoned”

Chapter Five

Mark Lee x Reader

After Mark’s best friend and Haechan start dating, he starts putting more time in his knitting class for more reasons than one. Y/N is really good at knitting and almost anything like it. Crocheting, embroidery, and sewing. Although she’s usually quiet in school, she’s constantly helping in the afternoon knitting class and Mark needs help all the time apparently.

back - forward

masterlist

[sopebubbles]

Resolutions

Summary: It's NYE and your best friends Min Yoongi, Kim Taehyung, Jung Hoseok, and Kim Seokjin are throwing a party. All their friends are going to be there, including your ex Jackson.

Genre: College AU, Angst, but with a happy ending, New Year's Eve

WC: 13k

WARNINGS: A lot of profanity, Recreational use of alcohol and cannabis. You use alcohol to cope with mostly unnamed shit in your life, so if you are sensitive to that please avoid and take care of yourself. Also we deal with some mental health here. I am not condoning how she handles her business but real life is real life, you know?

A/n: I chose to include the guys from GOT7 as extras in this au because I adapted this from something I wrote for a C-POP band last year and when I had to think about who in KPOP could fill the bad guy role I just really wanted it to be Jackson. I LOVE Jackson Wang, so no hate here. I just really feel like he could pull it off.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi and Taehyung are your neighbors. You’ve known them since freshman year when you all lived on the same floor. Jin and Hoseok are a year older, seniors now, but you’ve all been close ever since you met. You met Jackson through Jay and Yugyeom who are in a dance club with Hoseok, Yoongi and Taehyung. You and Jackson have been on and off again for almost two years now, ever since he kissed you in the middle of spring semester your freshman year. You fell for his smiles and his jokes like a fucking idiot. And you fell hard. And sometimes it’s hard to get back on your feet, like now, when you’re off again. Usually you’re off when it’s convenient for him, like when he goes home over breaks. This year he didn’t break up with you before leaving for Christmas like he did last year. No, instead he broke up with you between Christmas and New Years, via text.

You pull yourself out of bed reluctantly. The dress you bought especially for NYE is hanging on your closet door. It’s not all that flashy because you know you’re just going over to the guys’ house, but you bought it to wear with Jackson, and it’s all you have now. You drag yourself to the shower and wash out your greasy breakup hair. You hate that you’re fucking pathetic for Jackson, and your friends hate it to, but they can only lecture you so many times. Your hair’s not dry yet, but Hoseok is still blowing up your phone, and he’s about to come over and make a scene so you snatch your dress off the door and walk across the street to their house. Taehyung answers the door in a cloud of smoke.

“Hey, babe,” he lawls.

“Are you even going to make it to midnight?” you ask, looking at his blood shot eyes. It’s almost 7 pm.

“Hopefully not,” he grins. He closes the door and offers you his bong. You have no shits left to give so you drop your dress on the floor and take the bong and the lighter he has extended to you. You take a big rip and Hoseok comes down the stairs as you’re coughing your lungs out.

“That’s enough,” Hobi says, and Taehyung takes the bong back and heads to the couch to keep watching youtube videos. “You’re gonna look like shit if I have to do your makeup on your droopy stoner eyes.”

“I’m gonna look like shit regardless,” you complain as he picks your dress up off the ground.

“No you’re not. You’re gonna look hot. Now get your shit together!” he orders and pulls you up the stairs.

Jin sits on the bed scrolling through his phone while Hoseok blowdries your wet hair. It’s nice how it warms you up on the cold evening.

“What did Jungkook mean in the group chat today?” you ask them when he’s done and brushing out your hair.

“What does Kook ever mean?” Hobi asks in reply.

“Don’t lie to me. If you know something, then tell.”

Hoseok looks at Jin, but says nothing.

“Jinnie?” you asked, searchingly.

“Jackson goes out with a lot of girls,”Jin says diplomatically.

“What he does when we are broken up is his own business,” you say quietly, but deep down you already know what Jin says next. It’s in your mind while he takes his time to say it.

“He may not just see other girls while you’re broken up,” he says cautiously. “And he may not just see them.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” you demand to know, but you know it’s unjust.

“Honey, I have tried. You don’t want to listen.”

You pause for a moment before bursting into tears. “I’m such an idiot,” you sob.

“No one here is saying that,” Hoseok tries to soothe you.

“But we are thinking it,” Yoongi says from the doorway. You look around for something to throw at him, but Hoseok keeps his room too neat. Finally you find a hairbrush and lob it at him, but he’s quick and he dodges. “Hey, don’t be mad at me. I just bought a bottle of Jack,” he croons, pulling out a fifth of Jack Daniels he bought for your personal use from behind his back.

You reach your hands out in an infantile “gimme” gesture. Whiskey is your hate liquor, and everyone knows it. After two and a half years of partying together they know you drink vodka on the regular, tequila when you really want to let loose, and whiskey when you want to burn it all down. And tonight, Yoongi knows, you want to burn it all down, and he’s always in charge of the bar.

“Yoongi, I thought I said NOT to get whiskey,” Jin says.

“I heard you. But it’s NYE,” he says, and he approaches you, placing the bottle in your waiting hands. “And baby needs her bottle. Out with the old and in with the new, right, baby?” He pets your hair gently and you should be more upset at how condescending it is but it’s actually nice.

“Right!” you say enthusiastically as you unscrew the cap.

Hoseok pulls the bottle away from you and sets it on the ground behind his back, causing you to frown. “Baby needs to put her makeup on first, or baby’s not gonna make it to the party,” he tsks. You roll your eyes before closing them and let him get started on your face. “You got the playlist ready, Yoongi?”

“Of course,” he says confidently, because he’s always in charge of music, too. “I’ll see you guys in a little while,” he says and goes casually down the stairs to continue setting up.

Hoseok finishes your makeup far more quickly and better than you could have done on your own. He tells you to put on your dress and you follow his orders, not caring that he and Jin are right there, or that the door is still open.

“Can I have my whiskey now?” you ask with an outstretched hand.

“If you want to start drinking now then go down stairs with Yoongi and Taehyung. You can be his problem for the night,” he says acerbically.

You know you probably deserve it. You squat down beside him and kiss him on the cheek as he sits in front of his mirror. “I know you’re probably tired of cleaning up my messy ass every time I let Jackson break me. I get it. I should be better. But the New Year starts tomorrow, not tonight. So give me a break, okay?”

He sighs and gives you a look with a lot of meaning, but he knows there’s no stopping you. You grab your bottle from behind him and shuffle down the stairs. You realize now that you didn’t bring shoes to go with your pretty dress, and you could go back over to your place and get them, but lord knows they’ll just be off your feet in an hour and you’ll be running around here barefoot then anyway. Yoongi’s nowhere to be seen at the moment, so you plop down next to Taehyung, who offers you another hit. You take it. Taehyung doesn’t drink, and you want to get drunk, but you don’t want to get drunk alone. That’s why you came looking for Yoongi. He’s your best drinking buddy. You don’t realize that he doesn’t drink as much as you always do, but he’s good company. He would make a great bartender, if that wouldn’t be an enormous waste of his other talents. He somehow knew what people needed. He knew when someone needed another drink and when they didn’t. He was a good listener who only offered advice when he was asked, or when he felt it was truly needed. It’s a while before he appears again, and by then you’re good and high and you haven’t even noticed how much time has passed. Guests will be arriving soon, probably, maybe, Yoongi informs you both, and Taehyung scurries away to hide his stash in his room. He’s willing to share but not with every asshole who walks in the door, only those who know how to find his stoner den.

Yoongi’s in the kitchen cutting up limes and you go to talk to him through the window to the living room. This is often the window through which Yoongi observes the party, because even though he’s left to mastermind a lot of the logistics, when it’s actually happening he usually posts up in the kitchen or nearby and keeps a watchful eye. He’s part bartender and part bouncer. In spite of being the shortest of his friends he gives off strong “don’t fuck with me” vibes and takes it upon himself to keep people in check, especially around his friends. Especially around you. He’s even thrown Jackson out a time or two. He doesn’t abandon this post until the party is almost over and things have calmed down. That’s when, if your messy ass is still around, he usually takes you to his bed and lets you sleep before he comes back to clean everything up. Yoongi likes to make sure everyone has a good time, but he also likes to make sure things are under control, and he doesn’t like to wake up to a messy house.

“Did you have a good Christmas?” you ask him through the window. This is the first time you’ve seen him since then.

“It was fine,” he shrugs. “Nothing special. Just the usual. You?”

“Yeah. The usual,” you reply. You don’t know that Yoongi knows how bad your home life is. There’s a lot of things you don’t remember telling Yoongi, but it’s okay, because he’s great at keeping secrets. You hum for a moment while he continues to cut. “Do you think Jackson will come tonight?” you can’t stop yourself from asking.

His cutting halts momentarily before picking up again. “I don’t know. I know that Jay and those guys are coming, so there’s a chance.” He finishes and sets the knife gently in the sink. “Do you want me to deal with him if he comes?” he asked, looking up at you for the first time since you came over.

“No,” you shrug. “It’s a party. He has friends here. He can come.”

“He doesn’t have any friends that live in this house,” Yoongi says a little gruffly.

“Mm, but he has friends who will be here and they are our friends, and it will be a big party, so who cares.” You’re trying to act like it’s not a big deal but neither of you are buying it. You can’t see the way Yoongi’s fists are balling up until his knuckles are white. He lets them go after a moment.

“Have you made a New Years resolution?” he asks casually, transferring the cut up limes from the cutting board to a bowl.

“Aren’t those resolutions just for breaking? Why would I want to set myself up for more failure?”

He scoffs. “When have you ever been a failure?” You don’t answer. He wants to ask you to make a resolution not to get back together with Jackson’s lying, cheating ass this year, but he heard your words and so he doesn’t want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy, because he knows the only thing you fail at is staying away from that asshole.

“What about you?”

“Nope. You’re right. They’re impossible to keep,” he agrees.

Just then Jimin and Jungkook come busting through the door, and you know now that even though it might not quite be time, the party has officially begun. Jimin and Jungkook aren’t your close friends, not like the guys who live here. But they are fun and they do like to drink, so good times begin when they arrive. Jungkook is only a freshman, and you’re not quite sure how even ended up in your group of friends, but he’s entertaining as long as he keeps his hands to himself, and tonight Jimin’s brought his older brother Namjoon, who you’ve met a few times, but is known to be quiet and studious. Jungkook is already bouncing off the walls.

“What’s up with you?” Yoongi asks as he sets out disposable shot glasses on the counter of the serving hatch.

“He chugged a redbull and vodka just before we left,” Jimin explained.

“Ew,” you grimace. “Redbull is so nasty.”

“What’s your favorite energy drink then, Miss Thing?” Jungkook asks you.

You pick up the shot glass that Yoongi has just filled for you. “Whiskey,” you say with a wink and toss back the shot. They can’t help but laugh.

“I’m pretty sure that was tequila,” Jungkook laughs as he picks up his own glass.

You reach for the lime that Yoongi has just offered you and bite it. “Ay, but this is whiskey,” you say in an inexplicable Scottish accent you’ve just acquired as you open the fifth that Yoongi gave you earlier and take your first swig. It burns so good, but you make sure not to let it show on your face because you like the way guys are impressed by how well you drink. You know that’s a little fucked up, but well, you’re a little fucked up.

“You’re totally wasted on a guy like Jackson,” Jimin says because he has absolutely no filter. You’re not sure what exactly that’s supposed to mean, or if he even knows that you guys have broken up again. Before you have time to worry about your total lack of response, there’s a knock on the door and Jungkook opens it to a group of girls you’ve seen before but aren’t familiar with. Then Yoongi is there with another distraction.

“Can you take these pretzels up to Taehyung. He’s probably got the munchies by now.”

“These are my favorite pretzels, and I’ve got the munchies by now,” you replied, hugging the bowl to your chest.

“Maybe if you’re nice to him he’ll share,” Yoongi smiled.

“Maybe if I’m nice to him, they will make it to his room.” But you hustle up the stairs to share with your friend. Taehyung’s in his room listening to music, blissed out when you knock on the door, even though it’s open. He’s staring at a lava lamp and makes a small sound for you to come in. You sit next to him and offer the bowl to him. He reaches in and takes a handful without looking at it. You sit with Taehyung for a while in a comfortable quiet. You’ve only known him a year and half, but you’d swear you knew each other in a past life, so there’s not a whole lot that needs to be said between the two of you. You sit with your knees pulled to your chin. Eventually you turn your head to ask a question that’s been on your mind all day.

“Taehyung, will you kiss me at midnight?” you ask, desperate.

He wrinkles his nose at you. “That’d be like kissing my sister.”

“What’s the big deal? We hit the same pieces all the time,” you note as he picks up his pipe.

“That’s not remotely the same. And if you suggest such a thing again I will not share with you anymore.” He takes a hit and holds it. Smoke wisps out of his mouth as he says, “the smoke sterilizes it.” You laugh, because you don’t believe that’s true, and you wave him off when he offers you puff. “What’s so important about being kissed at midnight, anyway?” he wonders.

You shrug. “It’s tradition.”

“Tradition is stupid. I mean, that’s just totally arbitrary. Time on a clock is totally made up anyway, and so are years. So really tomorrow is the same as any other day, and midnight is the same as any other moment. You might as well wander around wanting to be kissed all the time.” He fades a little at the end of his rant. It’s funny because that’s not even the weed talking. That’s just the kind of weird ass shit Taehyung says sober.

“Maybe I do wander around wanting to be kissed all the time,” you tell him.

“Girl, you’ve got so much better shit to do with your time,” he assures you, and then you both laugh as you take another sip of Jack and lean back on the carpet together. You hide out in Taehyung’s room for a little while longer and chill out to his music while you listen to people gather downstairs. A slight draft wafts up the stairs each time the door is opened to welcome new guests, but it’s refreshing. Eventually the door will just be propped open to keep the place cool when the whole house is packed with friends and friends of friends. You’ve always been a little surprised that these four boys like to throw parties so much. They’re not your typical extroverts, but they still throw a party almost every month. You know that they do it for their friends. They’ve got the best space and they like to be at home, so having friends over and gathering people around is what they prefer to do rather than going to someone else’s party. Plus, Yoongi keeps it going like a well oiled machine. Nothing’s ever missing. It’s always safe. Those are his goals. Still, you know that Hoseok and Jin are still hiding out in their room because they don’t come to their own party until it is in full effect.

Taehyung’s friends arrive at his room and you see them upside down first because of how you're lying and then behind them you see Hobi’s door open, and that’s your queue to leave. You pull yourself up and grab a few more pretzels before ruffling Taehyung’s hair and heading to the hallway.

“Why didn’t you answer my texts?” Hoseok asks.

You pat your butt and thighs even though your stupid dress doesn’t have any pockets. “I don’t know where my phone is.”

“Well, Jungkook just texted and said Jackson is downstairs,” he informs you.

The way you see it, you have two options. You can carry your ass back home and go cry about it, or you can get drunk off your ass and try to have a good time. You choose the latter and shrug as you unscrew the bottle cap and take a big glug of whiskey. “You’re the one who said I had to come,” you tell Hobi when he shakes his head at you.

“Just promise me you won’t leave with him tonight,” Hobi sighs.

“Well, he did come with another girl,” Jin says quietly from behind his boyfriend.

You look at him and raise your eyebrows while you raise the bottle to your lips again.

“Jin, that’s not helpful,” Hobi gripes. But you’ve got no fucks in exactly this moment, so you lead the pair downstairs.

Yoongi’s eyes find yours before you even reach the bottom step and he’s worried, but he sees your smile and even though he’s not sure if it’s forced or lubricated he knows that for now it’s a good thing.

You look over the crowd and most of the people there are familiar to your alcohol-soaked brain, but it’s hard to remember names you only hear when drunk. You remember that tall guy. You remember that one time he gave you a piggyback ride, even though you don’t remember where, but there was food involved and Jackson was pissed. To your surprise, people look happy to see you and the atmosphere is very warm. And you haven’t seen Jackson yet, but honestly there aren’t that many places he can be. Since he’s not in the living room, he must be in the basement, which is where Yoongi’s room is, and that’s absolutely burning him up, though he’s not showing it. You say hello to some people as Hoseok pushes you, hands on your hips, toward the kitchen where Yoongi is waiting.

“Why don’t you let me hold onto this for a while, and you hold onto this?” Yoongi is taking the two-thirds of a fifth that’s in your hand and replacing it with a red plastic cup. Funny, you could’ve sworn you’d drunk more of it by now.

“This isn’t water is it?” you ask, and he laughs because it’s already in your hand and you can clearly see that it’s coke with a dash of whiskey because Yoongi knows it’s not good for you to mix too many liquors and he also knows you were a little wobbly already coming down the stairs. He knows a lot of things. He could try to stop you from drinking all together, but he knows that would grate against your independent and rebellious nature and it would backfire. And you know that he’s silently taking care of you. The fizz from the fresh soda tickles your nostrils. “Did anything interesting happen while I was gone?”

“How could anything interesting happen while you were gone, sweetheart?” he retorts while he mixes two drinks and then passes them off to your friends behind you. He gives them a little nod with his chin toward the stairs leading to the basement.

I know he’s down there, and I’m staying away, you want to say with a roll of your eyes, but you know they’re each just trying to protect you in their own way. Jin with his honesty, Hoseok with his advice and admonishments, and Yoongi with his every well-thought out gesture. So instead you just ask Yoongi if he has any cigarettes, because you need some air, but not pure air. He bought a pack when he went out for your whiskey because you two “only smoke when you drink.” He reaches in his pockets and once again gives you what you need. You notice for the first time that he’s put a half-zipped bomber jacket over his plain t-shirt tucked into his belted jeans. It’s not festive at all. It’s positively ordinary, but it’s a look that works for him and for a moment, except for the hair, he reminds you a little of James Dean. You give him a kiss on the cheek and excuse yourself out the backdoor by the kitchen.

You’re tempted to sit on the stoop, but you haven’t reached that point of the night yet. You need something to look forward to. Instead you step down to the sidewalk and lean against the house and puff away silently on your death stick. And amazingly, your mind is clear. You enjoy it and just as you’re finishing someone calls your name from the doorway.

“What?” you call back with an annoyance you don’t truly feel.

“Come play beer pong with me!” Jungkook calls without fully exiting the house.

“Now?” you ask, like you have anything better to do.

“Yes, now. Jimin is challenging against me with some girl he just met because he thinks he has game, and we need to put him in his place.”

“Jimin shouldn’t drink so much. He’s just a baby,” you say like you weren’t just as bad, or worse.

“Come inside,” Jungkook begs. “You’re gonna freeze.”

“I feel fine,” you argue, although it’s apparent to both of you that you’re shaking like a leaf.

“Fine, popsicle girl! Freeze to death!”

“Okay, okay. I’m coming.” You scrape your cherry onto the concrete and throw what’s left into an old coffee tin.

“That dress is stupid,” Jungkook says as he holds the door open from the inside so you have to brush against him as you come in.

“I know.”

“It looks ugly on you.”

“Okay, now, that’s just not true.” He was testing your confidence on purpose and you delivered more than he expected.

“I meant what I said early,” he tells you as you two descend into the basement. “I’ll kiss you at midnight.”

You laugh at him. “Maybe I’ll find you if I’m really desperate.”

“Don’t wait too long. Might find someone else,” he quips, and you’re sure that he will.

It isn’t until you reach the bottom of the steps that you realize you’ve unwittingly ended up where you don’t want to be. You see the table set up for beer pong, but you refuse to look anywhere else. You consciously keep your eyes from roving for who you don’t want to see. The cups have been filled and Jimin is ready to go. You guys let him and his girl go first. Jungkook rubs your arms with his warm hands because you’re an idiot who went outside without a coat and even though you can’t really feel it your skin is flushed and cold to the touch. Jimin and the girl both miss. Jungkook makes his shot and Jimin has to drink. Just before it’s your turn you see Jackson move into your view right over Jimin’s shoulder. He’s literally moving into frame and you just know he’s doing it on purpose. And as he planned, you miss. You almost never miss, so Jungkook is surprised until he looks up at Jimin, who’s taunting you and sees you-know-who. He turns you square toward him and grabs your face.

“I did not know he was down here!” Jungkook says firmly. “But I need you to focus. We cannot lose to Jimin.” You nod awkwardly because he’s still holding your face.

“Where’s your energy drink?” he asks, and you laugh because you know it’s a call back. You find your cup and drain it because it’s mostly coke and a little whiskey and that’s pretty much an energy drink, right?

Jimin and the girl both sink their shots and you and Jungkook both drink. You know he’s still lurking in the corner of the room, watching you at the same time he’s paying attention to another girl because he’s sooo good at that. He can divide his attention like a hershey’s bar and not miss a thing. But you tune him out, and you and Jungkook don’t miss a shot until Jimin crumbles in his humiliating defeat. Jungkook scoops you up in a hug that has you hoisted over his shoulder and sings ‘We are the champions’ as he carries you up the stairs. You wonder if he’s acting like this to put Jackson off or if he’s trying to make a move or if this is just Jungkook. Either way, you’re still happy with victory. He sets you down at the top of the stairs where the landing forms an intersection with the backdoor, the kitchen and the living room. You could go anywhere from here, but you know you’re going to the kitchen.

“Can I have my whiskey back?” you ask Yoongi sweetly.

“After you take this,” he tells you, handing you a shot glass of clear liquid you take for vodka. You toss it back and it’s water.

“You tricked me,” you smile.

“I did. I’m sorry. Here.” He takes your plastic shot glass and pours into it from a vodka bottle before handing it back to you. You shoot it and frown.

“You’re a con man,” you grumble. He actually filled an old vodka bottle with water just to trick you. Well, you’re not the only one. He knows just how to trick everyone. But you know he’s doing it for your own good so you hold out the tiny cup for one more just to get an approving smile from him, and after you’ve been good he opens the cabinet under the sink to fetch your bottle. He leans against the counter and crosses his arms, somehow intensifying the James Dean impression you got earlier. You examine it like he would’ve let anyone touch your precious elixir. You grin, but you don’t open it right away, because you’re feeling a perfect level of drunkenness right now, and it’s nice. It’s warm.

“Don’t you get bored in here?” you ask him, leaning against the counter next to him.

“Nah. When I get bored I think of ways to trick you,” he grins.

You scrutinize his face and his eyes carefully. You think about brushing hair off his forehead but he looks so cool like that so you leave it. “Have you been drinking?” you ask.

“I have not,” he admits. “You want to have my first drink with me?”

“Well, I am a winner, so this one’s on me,” you say with a wink. You turn around to grab shot glasses and the tequila bottle. He hands you salt and you hand him a lime.

“Cheers!” you both say and maintain eye contact while you toss back the sweet liquor. He squeezes the lime into his mouth and screws his eyes closed at the sourness. Warmth spreads from your throat down your chest to your stomach and you shiver.

“You good?” he asked. Not like something is wrong, like someone else might, even though he knows you have reasons not to be good. You nod and smile, and you mean it because even if you’re sad, you’re usually good if you’re with him. You reciprocate the question and he nods back with a soft smile before he shoves a chip in your open mouth. “Hoseok is trying to get your attention,” he tells you.

You tell Yoongi you’ll see him later and make your way over to where his roommates are sitting. Jin is on the couch and Hoseok is perched on the arm next to him. Without any invitation or permission you sit in Jin’s lap and rest your head on his shoulder. He supports you with an arm around your back and rubs your side gently.

“You okay?” Hoseok asks. Not like Yoongi did. No, he expects something to be wrong. Even though he was the one who told you you had to come because you’d have a good time, he’s expecting you to be having a bad time. You hate it when he acts like this, when he brings down your mood that you’re carefully trying to build up.

“I’m perfect!” you say loudly and exaggeratedly, giving Hoseok a little shove. That’s when Jin tosses you over, because you know how he hates you yelling in his ear. You apologize by patting his ears gently and kissing him on the cheek, and he doesn’t look mad. The couple are talking with Yugyeom and Jay, who are both close friends of You-Know-Who. You ask politely about their break and respond “Great!” when they ask you. You all know it’s a lie, but your tone is bright enough that everyone ignores how blatant it is. Everyone is so tired of this road you’ve all been taking. They’re tired of the drama, and they know their friend’s an ass, but he’s their friend, so they can’t be anything more than polite to you. But Jay always looks at you with pity and you fucking hate it.

You know the door opens because a cold wind blows through but it brings in pure sunshine. You look at the door to see Bambam and Youngjae have walked in, late as always. It’s a perfect excuse to escape because even though they're also his friends, their light is above all that bullshit. You jump up from your spot next to Jin and run to throw your arms around them both at the same time.

“Babies!” you cry when you crash into them. You know you’ve drawn attention to yourself with your loudness and your movement, but you don’t care.

“Hey, baby,” they both say as they take you in a group hug. You’ve still got the bottle gripped in your hand and after you let them go to take a swig of it. They see it and give you a troubled look. They both just got back to town today and they haven’t heard.

“Again?” Bambam asks.

“Whatever,” you say with a dismissive wave of your hand.

“Hey, where’s Y/N? She’s got my smokes!” you hear Yoongi say loud enough from the kitchen to reach your ears over the music. There’s no way he doesn't see you, since you’re basically directly in front of him and when you turn your head you can see him clearly, even through the people that fill the living room. But as you turn your head you register that Jackson and that blonde he came with have just reached the top of the stairs, and you realize that Yoongi’s giving you a warning call, like a prairie dog. Predator on the scene. Run for cover.

“Come and get ‘em!” you yell back over the crowd, waving the cigarettes you forgot were shoved in your boobs above your head, and you slip past the two men you were just welcoming and out the door to the front porch. You wait for a minute, listening to cars pass and doors close. You can hear a group of girls walking down the street, chatting cheerfully. You don’t dare light up a cigarette until Yoongi joins you. He places a jacket over your shoulders. It’s not the one he was wearing because he’s still wearing it. It’s his leather one, and it’s cold.

“Sorry,” he breathes. “It was in my car, but you’re the one who came out here without a coat. You’ll warm it up in a minute.” He holds a hand out for you to hand over his smokes and you do. He lifts a cigarette to his lips, but then he stops as he looks down to light it. “Damn, sweetheart. Where’d you leave your shoes?”

“Didn’t bring any.”

“Jesus H. Christ. What am I gonna do with you?” He turns his back to you. “Come on, hop on and I’ll take you to your place to get some shoes.”

“Why? You and I both know I’m just going to take them off. I’m fine.”

“You’re gonna get frostbite.”

“It is not that cold. If you’d give me a cigarette, we could go in sooner.” You refuse to acknowledge that you’re shaking.

He gives in, because there’s just no fucking talking to you. He knows, maybe better than anyone, that you can’t be told what to do. That’s why he has to find such tricky ways to take care of you. He has to plan and prepare because god forbid you do what’s good for you when it’s suggested. He thinks you’re a mess, but he won’t say it because he knows it’s mean and he knows it won’t help you to hear it. And he knows better than most that it’s not entirely your fault. You two puff away on your cigarettes for a few minutes in comfortable silence. You take a swig of whiskey and offer him the bottle.

“You’re gonna share with me, sweetheart?” he asks like it’s the honor of a lifetime.

“You deserve it,” you shrug.

He takes it gladly and enjoys the burn. He stomps out your cigarette butt and looks over your shoulder through the blinds as he takes a last drag of his own. He can see your stupid ex in the living room chatting with your friends and his. It’s the nucleus of the party at this point and you definitely won’t be getting through the living room without passing him.

“Wanna come hang out with me in the kitchen?” Yoongi asks as he stomps out his cigarette. You half turn your head to see what he was looking at but you don’t need to. You just agree. “Okay. Hop on,” he says, offering to give you a ride once again.

“I can walk!” you insist.

“There is broken glass over there, now giddy up!” he insists. He’s not angry or even frustrated, he just needs you to give in, and you do.

“Why do you like to stay in the kitchen at your own parties?” you ask befor you suck the jello shot out of its shallow cup.

“I can see everything,” he says matter of factly and yet it comes off with his typical air of mystery. You already know this. You’re not even sure why you asked. You guess what you really want to know is why he wants to be outside the party instead of immersed in it. Jin and Hobi like to be in the party. You like to move through it. Taehyung likes the party to come to him. But Yoongi just wants to observe it. He interacts with it in his way, but he’s somehow not in it. Your current position is not one you usually take, but you’re enjoying it nonetheless. You’ve crammed yourself into a corner of the kitchen counter, leaning against the wall where no one but Yoongi can see you. He’s your watcher and your shield and he will know before you if any danger is coming your way. He’s not doing much at the moment though, just eating peanuts. He talks to you about this show he started watching.

Taehyung wanders down the stairs to grab sodas from the fridge for him and his cohorts. He looks like he needs help but he rejects it when you offer. You think for a moment you might like to venture upstairs with him for a bit, but you decide against it. You’re happy where you are.

Jin comes to the window a few minutes after that. He asks Yoongi where you are and Yoongi subtly glances to the right. Jin hadn’t even seen you tucked into your corner. He reaches his long arm through the window and hands you your phone with a simple “Found this.” You mumble a thanks, and both you and Yoongi wish it had remained hidden. Reflexively, you open it. There’s a whole bunch of texts. Most of them were from the group hours ago and are irrelevant now. There’s one from Jackson.

You’ve typed it out. You’re chewing on your bottom lip, pondering whether or not to add in a “fuck face” for some spice and hit send, but before you can Yoongi deftly grabs the phone, turning it off an putting it in his pocket. He thinks twice about his actions though because that’s super controlling and even though he desperately wants to do it, for your own good, he knows he shouldn’t. He reaches back into his pocket and pulls out the device, holding it back up to you.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s not my place. I just don’t think you shoul-”

“No,” you interrupt. “I’m glad you did that. Good idea. Hide it.” All the better you didn’t send the message now he’ll just think that you’re typing for hours and surely that will drive him mad. Yoongi gives you a small but very satisfied smile and slips the phone back into his pocket.

You wonder where Hobi is and why he hasn’t been badgering you all night.

The truth is, he’s hedging his bets. And he’s being an asshole, but in a sneaky way. Hoseok thinks you're weak and he has your track record to back him up. He knows it’s only a matter of time before you let Jackson back in, so he isn’t going to spend tonight not hanging out with your mutual friends. Afterall, you two only know each other because of him. And it isn’t even like he wants you guys to be together. He knows it’s toxic. Everyone knows it’s toxic. But he honestly gave up on trying to explain that to you two breakups ago. He’s not even sure you’re going to make it through the rest of this party without getting back with Jackson, because Jackson takes what he wants, especially from women. And you don’t guard yourself. You want to, but you don’t, and so you’re a victim every goddamn time.

Just as you're wondering where your other best friend is, Jungkook and Jimin come barrelling into the kitchen. They want a rematch, but this time you and Jimin versus Jungkook and someone that came with Jay’s crowd. What happened to the girl with Jimin? Dunno, she left. You look at Yoongi who gives you a look that says follow your heart, because he just wants you to have fun. So off you go with the two boys and their one very intoxicated brain cell.

The other girl has never played before, and she sucks, and Jungkook is drunk as hell so he’s not doing her any favors. Jimin’s actually terrible, too, but he’s got you and victory comes swiftly. Jimin talks a lot of trash he has no right to, but you just laugh. You linger in the basement for a bit and chat with some acquaintances. There’s the part you’re in, where there’s a washer and dryer and some chairs and a table that is used almost exclusively for it’s current purpose. There’s another room behind the door. That room is mostly finished and it serves as Yoongi’s bedroom. He likes that it’s cold, even though he has to use a space heater in the winter. It’s quiet and dark down there. It’d be creepy if Yoongi were a creepy person, but he’s not. He’s neat, a minimalist, and he doesn’t spend a lot of time down there, but he values it for sleep. You tried to convince him not to live down there thinking he’d get sick, but he’s actually doing okay and you can appreciate why he likes it when you sometimes sleep down there. Usually he locks it during parties because he likes his privacy, but you need to use the bathroom and he has his own down there so when no one is looking you try the handle and surprisingly it’s unlocked. The light is on and there’s a couple on his bed. You know there’s about a 99% chance that’s where you’re sleeping tonight, so you politely ask them to leave and they do. You lock the door behind them. You put on Yoongi’s slippers because, and you won’t admit this to anyone, your feet are freezing so you’ll just warm them up a bit before you go out to face people again. You use the bathroom and wash your hands before you lay down on Yoongi’s bed. Somehow it’s already past eleven, almost eleven thirty according to his alarm clock, the old school kind with the red numbers. You don’t remember that much time passing. You don’t feel like you’ve talked to that many people at this party. You don’t think you’ve smoked that many cigarettes. You spend about ten minutes in Yoongi’s room before you decide to face it again. You put his slippers back exactly where you found them and you turn off the light. You slip out and up the stairs unnoticed.

You’re at the crossroads again. You could go anywhere in this party. Hoseok and his dance friends are still hanging in the living room. Hoseok hasn’t actually moved at all. He doesn’t have to. He’s still perched on the arm of the couch and people come to talk to him. You think for a moment about how you don’t fit in with them. You don’t have any of the same hobbies. They’re all music and art majors and you’re studying history with a minor in philosophy. You can’t dance for shit. Yoongi makes fun of you for it all the time, but he finds it endearing in a weird way. Your bonds with these boys are about something deeper within you and the experiences you’ve shared, and you’re fine with that. They’ve helped you through some tough times, even if they don’t fully realize it.

You’ve lingered at the top of the stairs too long in indecision. People are bumping into you. You don’t like it when people are mad at you, so you decide to go up to Hoseok and be sweet. You don’t say anything, since he’s in the middle of conversation. You just wrap your arms around him in a back hug and rest your chin on his shoulder. Without any other acknowledgement he just leans his head against yours. He knows it’s you. He knows what you’re doing. It’s okay. You’re hearing the conversation, but you’re not really listening. You know Jackson is only a few feet away from you. But Fuck Jackson. Hoseok can think what he wants, but you're not going back this time. You've spent the last two days analyzing all the fucked up things about your relationship. You made a list, on paper, and when it was physically there in front of your eyes it was harder to ignore. You can't go back. You always thought the way he treated you was your fault, and yes, you bring a lot of your own toxicity to your relationship, but so does he. He doesn’t know how to love any better than you do and it's not all his fault. You know that. But he still loves the way you're cracked and broken, loves to pick at the chips on your paint, and fuck him for that. He uses his beautiful face to pretend he's not broken, too. And you're just over it. You want something different, something better for yourself.

You're immune to his gaze for now, but you can feel Yoongi watching your back, literally and figuratively. He's observing. He's got eyes on all your potential enemies. He's running threat assessments in his head. He can't even help it. You're one of his people, just like Taehyung is. Hoseok and Jin, too, but to a lesser extent. He won’t let them get hurt, but he doesn’t feel like he has to protect them the way he does you. He can't stop you from making the dumb choices you make. He can't control you, but he can do his best to protect you from other threats.

You kiss the side of Hoseok's head and slink back to the kitchen without a word. Yoongi is talking to a girl in there. You recognize her but you can't remember her name. She's part of the dance group. She's nice if your drunk brain remembers correctly. You don't want to interrupt so you just slip your hand into his pocket and pull out his smokes and his lighter and slink out the backdoor just as quietly. You didn't see the look that says he wishes he could go with you, but at least you're wearing the jacket he gave you earlier. After you've fumbled around and managed to light your cigarette you can hear there's some sort of commotion inside. You listen to the sounds coming from within the house but do nothing. It's someone else's problem. It's Yoongi's problem, to be specific, but he'll deal with it. You didn't consider the implications of the commotion until you heard his voice. Jackson says your name. He's picked his moment carefully and that's all he says for now. You're frozen to the side of the house, but you have to exhale the smoke. That's all the movement you make, the contraction of your lungs to expel the toxic air and the puckering of your lips to direct it up to the clear night sky.

"Still smoking?" He asks. He acts like he hates it but actually he doesn't care at all. He just likes to criticize you for it.

"Only when I drink," you mutter the same line you've said a hundred times.

"You're always drinking." Like he doesn't?

"What do you want?"

You don't get to find out, thank God. The door opens again behind him. Someone’s getting tossed out and they crash past Jackson who’s lingering halfway down the steps.

“Don’t come back until you can behave politely,” Yoongi says in his not-fucking-around tone. You’ve always admired the way he can get a point across with such nice words. He doesn’t need to curse, though he will, just for fun.

It’s Jimin and he’s absolutely shitfaced. He puts his hand on the wall beside your head and leans into you. You turn your head away from him to blow out your smoke. “You okay, baby?” you ask when you look back at him, brushing hair out of his eyes. You can see he’s definitely not. He’s not just drunk. He’s lost. You recognize it, and you feel for him. His brother is coming down the steps.

“Sorry,” he mutters to Yoongi, embarrassed. When you look at Yoongi’s face, cast in the yellow light from inside, you can see he’s not really mad. He knows what he’s looking at as well as you do. He just doesn’t tolerate drama and violence in his home. It’s a rule with him. Even you’ve been thrown out before, though not quite like this. You were asked to exit the building. He’d never put his hands on you like that.

“You guys gonna head home?” you ask.

“Yeah. Uber’s on it’s way,” Namjoon says as he puts a hand on his brother’s shoulder and pulls him away from you.

“‘Kay. Get home safely. Happy New Year,” you say, and the older brother just gives a little wave as they walk/stumble around the corner of the house.

You look back and Jackson is still on the next to last step. Yoongi’s still holding the door open. He’s not speaking but his message is clear that he’s not leaving.

“You need something?” you ask your ex.

He scoffs. “You think I’m scared of Yoongi?”

“‘Course not. Why would you be?”

Yoongi comes down the steps to where you are, carefully not to make any contact with Jackson, not to give him an excuse. He takes the cigarette from your fingers and steals a drag--they’re his smokes after all. Yoongi’s shielding you again, with his back to Jackson. Beautiful Jackson, you think. Beautiful and broken like you. Nothing you can do. It’s clear now all he wanted was to bother you, and he can’t so he walks back into the party in a huff.

“Thanks,” you say to Yoongi.

“I didn’t do anything, sweetheart.” He continues to smoke, letting the tension of the last several minutes fade away. You ask what happened with Jimin. “He went at the wrong girl the wrong way. It wasn’t much. The other guy just shoved him but he’s hammered and he hit the table before he fell to the ground. He’ll be fine. Let’s go inside,” he says, shivering, and puts out the cherry.

“Hey, I’ve been pretty good tonight. You know, by my standards,” you say as you enter the empty kitchen. “I’m not even that drunk,” you say as you attempted to hop onto the counter and fail miserably. You both laugh hard at how you struggle until he puts his hands on your hips and helps you launch yourself up. He hands you your bottle just when you’re wondering where you’d left it. There’s still a third of it left and it was with him the whole time so you know it’s safe, even though it’s probably mostly backwash by now. You take a big drink of it anyway because you have this feeling the night’s not going to last much longer. You look at the clock on the stove and it says 10:47 and that can’t be right because you could swear it should be close to midnight. The clock on the microwave says 1:23 and now you’re double confused. You look over at Yoongi who’s wearing a happy smile.

“Bye Yoongi! See you next week,” Jay calls from the door. Him and his crew are leaving and they're taking a sizeable chunk of the party with them.

“You sly bastard,” you smile. “What time is it?”

“Taehyung says time is a construct. But if you must know…” he pulls your phone out of his pocket. “It’s 12: 17.” He hands it back to you and you reach between your legs to open the silverware drawer and toss it in. He laughs again and it sounds so nice.

“You changed all the clocks in the apartment?”

“I let Taehyung change all the clocks in the apartment.”

“Even the one in your bedroom?”

“You were in my bedroom?”

“Yeah, sorry. I just needed to get away for a second,” you admit.

“That’s cool,” he says, and he really doesn’t mind.

“So, we didn’t kiss anyone at midnight,” you say.

“It’s a stupid tradition,” he argues. You nod your head in agreement.

“So, our NYE party was like, our least rowdy party of the year,” you observe. It’s gotten quiet. The music is a little too loud for the current ambiance. There are still some people around though. “Hey, all the really rowdy people have left. You wanna abandon your post and go chill?”

Part of Yoongi wants to stay here just the two of you, but he’s ready for some low key socialization. He even coaxed Taehyung and one of his friends to come down and hang out. There are about ten people left now and they’re all cool people. There’s also Jungkook in the basement with a couple of people, but they trust Jungkook. Yoongi’s turned the music down and you chitchat casually about current events. You’re on the couch between Taehyung and Yoongi and you really want to stretch out over both of them, let your feet reach all the way down to Jin, maybe far enough to tease Hoseok, but you try to behave yourself. There are still guests here. Not you. You’re not a guest. Eventually, Jungkook and his friends come up.

“I didn’t get to kiss you at midnight,” he says with his head close enough to yours that you can smell the beer on his breath.

“Darn. My loss, I guess,” you say with no emotion, just to tease him. You do actually like Jungkook, just not like that.

“Well, next year.” He shrugs into his jacket and says, “see ya later,” before he walks out the door. The last few guests leave and Yoongi starts to pick up trash. You help while the others all go up to their rooms.

“You don’t have to help. You can go lay down,” he tells you as you put trash into the bag he’s carrying around the house. You’re not tired yet, you swear. You’re not ready to go, really. There’s something that feels incomplete about the night. But maybe it’s just that you aren’t totally trashed. You’re drunk, sure. You drank most of a fifth of whiskey and then some, but you’re not the wreck you usually are, and it seems strange. You head down to the basement to clear up the trash down there and it’s all done pretty quickly with the two of you. You each take one last shot because it’s the New Year and it may all be fake, but life needs ritual and Yoongi knows that. Then the two of you go out onto the front porch for your final smoke. You’ll have to go home after this. It’s right there in front of you, and you’re not that drunk, so you have no excuse.

“How come I’m the only guy you didn’t ask to kiss you tonight?” Yoongi asks while you lean your head on his shoulder.

You huff a little laugh. “Because I know you’ll say no.”

“How do you know if you don’t ask?”

“Because I know you won’t kiss me when I’m drunk. I know I ask and I know you never do. You’re a good guy who won’t take advantage of me, even if I want it.” You take a deep breath and for some reason the gates are open. You’ve just admitted that you know how you are with him when you’re drunk and you’re about to admit a lot more. “I know that I lean on you, and you take care of me and I don’t give you anything in return because I’m just a shitty fucked up person, but I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. And that’s probably the worst thing about me. I use you even though I don’t want to.” Yoongi wants to say something, but it’s stuck in his throat, and you go on. “I know that I tell you things when I’m drunk. I don’t know what all I’ve told you, but I know that you know more about me than anyone. I know we’ve sat here a dozen times at this time of night or later, and you’ve let me unload all my crap on you and asked for nothing in return, and I know that makes me a terrible person. But I feel so safe with you. I know you know the deep shit about me, and you keep it to yourself. I can see it in how you look at me, but you don’t pity me, and I can’t tell you how much that fucking means to me, Yoongi. It means everything. And I’m sorry I don’t show my appreciation, but I’m just so embarrassed.” You sniff but you don’t even bother to wipe the tears that are coming down because there are only going to be more. “I know that I’m pathetic and useless.”

“Don’t-” he tries to stop you but you trudge ahead.

“I’m trying to fix myself. I’m going to therapy now, but there’s just so much shit. There’s so much wrong with me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay.” Your breath is shaking and the words come out chopped up now, and you have to stop to catch your breath.

He wraps his arm around you and says, “I know. Shit. I mean, I know that you’re in therapy. And I’m really proud of you. You might not be able to see it, but I can actually see you doing better.” He’s talking to give you time to catch your breath and also because he thinks you need to hear it, even though he’s not sure you’ll remember.

“You can?” you sniff.

He smiles. “Earlier tonight Jungkook said you looked ugly in your dress and you told him you knew you looked good. From the girl I met a few years ago, that’s a lot of progress.” He doesn’t say that he knows Jackson preys on your low self esteem, but he’s thinking about it.

“Yoongi, can I say something selfish? I mean, shit, I do selfish shit all the time, but I’m acknowledging it right now.”

He’s shaking his head, but it’s at your way of talking and he says yes.

“Are you waiting for me?” you ask. His mouth falls open a little. Your eyes widen and you suddenly cover his mouth with your hand. “No. Fuck. No, don't answer that! Shit. What I wanted to say is. I wait for you. Ah this is so fucked up. Nevermind.”

Yoongi doesn’t know where you’re going, and he thinks it might be something that could break him, but he doesn’t care anymore. He’s been playing the self-preservation game for so damn long he doesn’t even know what he’s protecting anymore. He just knows he loves it when you open up to him and you’re doing it even more than usual and he wants--no he needs--to hear whatever it was you wanted to say. He removes your hand from his mouth and looks into your eyes, red as they are from the drinking and the crying. “Please say whatever you want to say.”

You hesitate, but Yoongi is someone you can trust and you know that, but that’s why this isn’t fair to him. “Aaaaahhhh,” you keep hesitating, but eventually you just give in. “Let me get my thoughts back together,” you finally say. He waits patiently, as always, but inside he’s burning. You take a deep breath and begin again. “I know what I have with Jackson is fucked up. I know that it’s bad. I used to think that because I’m a shitty person-”

“Please for the love of god, sweetheart, stop saying that. I hate it,” he interrupts.

You try to use your nice words for yourself. “Okay. I used to think that because I thought I was not a good person, I deserved to be treated how he treats me. I didn’t think I deserved to be treated the way you treat me. But I want to. I want that treatment, and I want to deserve it, and I tried.” Oh fuck, tears are coming in again. “I tried to be someone who could receive that from you, but I didn’t do it right. I’d just get fucked up and let you take care of me, and I understand how wrong that was, and I understand that it’s wrong right now. Whenever Jackson and I split up a part of me hopes you’ll come in and scoop me up and show me why I didn’t deserve that, but I always fucked it up. And I know now that I can’t rely on you for that. I need to pick myself, and I need to fix myself up. And I will,” you promise him. “So, tonight, I’m going to go home, and I’m going to take care of myself, and I’m not going to trouble you anymore.” Your muscles start to coil like you’re going to get up and march home. So he puts his hand on your leg to stop you.

“Hold on a damn minute,” he says. “I just...give me a second to think.” You furrow your brow at him, but you wait. “Are you saying...what the hell are you saying?”

The thoughts were jumbled as they were coming out and they’re even more jumbled now. “I think I’m saying I’m going home.” You stand.

“Wait.” He grabs your wrist gently, just enough to get your attention. “Are you going because you want to go home, or because you’re afraid of being a burden?”

You think for a second. “I hate going home,” you tell him. You even hate that word, home. Even the house where you live across the street from him doesn’t give you the sense of safety and security that word is supposed to embody. Only Yoongi gives you that.

“Then don’t go home. Stay here, like you always do. It’s not trouble, okay? Tomorrow, you can explain all of this to me clearly, when we’re both sober. We’ll both be honest about what we know and feel, and you can tell me then, okay?” He had a plan. You thought it sounded like a good one, not least because it involved you waking up here, your favorite place to wake up. He’s still holding onto your wrist, so you sit back down beside him. He lets you go, but uses his fingers to wipe your tear stained cheeks.

“You ruined all Hobi’s hard work,” he comments, using his thumbs to try to clear your raccoon eyes a little.

“You know, when he was doing it earlier, I was thinking to myself how much of a waste it was going to be when I cried it all off later.” You both laugh and you lean your head back on his shoulder. “I’m sorry for being so broken,” you say quietly after a couple of quiet minutes pass.

He huffs a laugh, as if that’s something you could or should apologize for. “Hey, I’ve got a ton of tools, and duct tape, and super glue. I’m really great at putting shit back together,” he assures you.

-------------->

You wake up, but you can’t be sure what time it is because you’re in the basement on Yoongi’s bed, and there’s no sunlight down there, and you don’t trust clocks anymore. But you’re pretty sure it’s mid-morning because you can hear him in the kitchen. It’s warm in his room from the space heater. Your head hurts, just a little, not a lot, but of course he’s prepared for that and left you water and medicine. You take it before going upstairs. He’s making scrambled eggs, but you don’t know who he's preparing for because you’re the only one besides him on that floor. He’s wearing the same plaid pajama pants he always wears and a plain white t-shirt. You wonder briefly if it’s the same white t-shirt from last night or if he put on a different one to sleep in. The boy owns a lot of plain white t-shirts. You clear your throat as you lean in the doorway.

“I was going to make you breakfast this morning,” you say. You always say that. Sometimes you actually do it. Sometimes not.

He smiles. “You can make toast.” He hands you a bag of sliced bread and you get to work. While it’s toasting you scoot in beside him in the small space and get a cup of coffee. He likes your closeness. He can smell you, and he doesn’t even care that you smell like whiskey because you still smell like you, too. It’s quiet. You don’t really talk until you’re sitting down to eat. It’s still just the two of you, and even then you’re not talking about much. He doesn’t say anything as you take his empty plate and wash the dishes. He gets up for a second cup of coffee and then sits back down at the table. You wonder what he’s thinking about but you don’t ask. He’s wondering what you’re thinking about, too. This is what the two of you always do after nights like that, on mornings like this. It’s so damn comfortable, even in its uncertainty. He always wonders what you remember. You always wonder what you said, though not today. When you’ve finished the dishes you go down to the basement to strip his bed and wash his sheets. You feel guilty. He shouldn’t give up his bed to you, but he insists, and he shouldn’t have to wash his own sheets every time you sweat whiskey on them. Normally you’d go back up stairs and watch something on TV with him until the warm bedding comes out of the dryer and you’ve made his bed. Only then will you leave without saying a single word about any of the things that you’ve done since you stopped remembering the night before.

But not this time. This time he comes down the stairs while you’re putting in laundry detergent.

“You don’t have to do that,” he says. He’s never said it before. Not because he thought you needed to or you owed him that, but because he knew it made you feel good to do it, like you were somehow paying him back for a debt that he wasn’t even recording. He let you do it for yourself. After last night, he doesn’t want you to let you as much.

You close the door of the washer. “It’s done,” you smile.

He fidgets with the hair at the back of his head. This is his nervous tick, and you know what’s coming. You’re not really afraid of it, though. You need it and so does he. You just don’t know if you’re going to like what comes after.

“So, last night…” he starts, but doesn’t know how to continue.

“I remember.”

“I said I was going to ask you to tell it to me sober. Can you do that?”

You nod and sit in one of the chairs in the basement living area. It’s not really a living area. It’s a laundry room, but there are some chairs down there and sometimes you sit there and pass a joint. He sits in another chair and looks at you, but not intently.

“Can I just offer up a disclaimer that what I’m going to say is probably going to be arrogant and presumptuous and selfish, and I’m not sure if it’s fair to you, but I don’t think it’s fair to you if I don’t say them either. So we can just get them out of the way, and if you want me gone, then I’m gone.” You say it all in one breath. He wrinkles his eyebrows because he disagrees already, but he accepts with a nod and allows you to continue. “Right. So. I may be wrong about this, but sometimes in our friendship I’ve felt like you’re waiting for me. And at other times, I feel I’m waiting for you. I know that you know things about me no one else knows. You’ve taken on secret burdens of mine that I had no right to force on you, and you’ve done it all without asking for anything in return. I take and take from you. I’m sorry. I don’t want to do that anymore.” You take a deep breath, but he knows you’re not done and he doesn’t interrupt. “Every time Jackson and I have broken up, there’s a part of me that hoped you would come and scoop me up. I was torn between believing that I deserved what he gave me and what you gave me. I knew I didn’t have any right to ask for more from you, so I tried not to. And when you didn’t scoop me up and he came back, I just figured that was my answer. He was what I deserved and not you. I hope that doesn’t sound like I’m blaming you. I’m not. I’ve been working on it and thinking about it a lot, and I know now that I don’t deserve either of you. I let him treat me like shit because it’s what I’m used to, and I accept your kindness selfishly even though I don’t know what I can give in return. So, I’m going to end it both. I’m not going back with him this time, and if I do Hoseok can hit me over the head with a two by four. But I’m going to stop leaning on you, too. You don’t deserve a friend like me who takes and doesn’t give.” You didn’t know how to end it and he’s just looking at you. “So. There. That’s it.”

He shakes his head and smiles. “Sweetheart, you think you don’t give in this friendship? You think that I sacrifice by letting you crash on my bed a couple nights a month, but do you remember who helped me get that bed? It was you. And I coulda gotten one on my own, but I probably wouldn’t have because I was a dumb kid and also I needed someone to help hold it on the roof.” You both laugh a little at the memory. “Who sat with me for days freshman year when my grandfather died and I couldn’t go home? Who leaves lasagna in the fridge when we’ve been too busy with work and school and dance? I might not act the way you do when I’m upset, but somehow you always know, and you’re the only person who can cheer me up, and you don’t even try. And I hate Jackson. And I’m sorry I didn’t scoop you up. I didn’t think I had the right. But you don’t deserve to be treated like trash, and it isn’t selfish to let people care for you.”

You’re both quiet for a moment. “Well, damn,” you mutter to yourself. There’s a part of you that really wishes you’d asked him to kiss you last night because right now you’re wondering what it would be like to kiss Min Yoongi, but you’re too shy and he’s too shy and it isn’t going to happen right now. Neither of you have actually confessed, per se. It’s all there, but you’re not even conscious of how much you actually love each other. You've got fuck all grasp on what that word means, no more than you do for home, but Yoongi's still the closest you've come to either. He doesn't understand it either. Things are shifting for you and you don’t know where they’ll fall. He breaks the silence.

“I don’t know what happens next, but you’re my best friend. I don’t care what you take from me. I haven’t given anything I wasn’t willing to. I haven’t done anything I didn’t want to except maybe watch you cry too many times. So if there’s something you want to do for me, then stop doing that. I mean, at least over him. You’ve got plenty of other reasons to cry, but just not over him, okay? And I don’t want to be his replacement for the love you need in your life. I just want to keep treating you the way I’ve been treating you, okay?”

“Oh, okay,” you say, not exactly sure what he means by that, but you accept it and you’ll figure it out as it comes. It’s a big moment for both of you. A step in your friendship that had to be taken, but now you both need time to process what it means. You still have things to work out.

You both go back upstairs. You go up to Hoseok and Jin’s room to find your non-party clothes laying in a pile in the hallway. You change and watch TV until the others wake. You talk to Hoseok and explain to him that you really, really don’t want to get back with Jackson and as convinced as you are of that, you know you’re going to need his help. You bring up the two by four thing again. You need help with your willpower when it comes to people. You suck at boundaries and you know it’s not fair to ask Yoongi’s help with this even though you think he’d be a lot better because he has two middle names and they are structure and limits. You remember your phone is still in the silverware drawer, except it isn’t because Yoongi plugged it in for you and he gives it to you so you can block Jackson’s number, and you start to feel at ease again. You text Jimin and Jungkook to see if they got home okay. You smoke with Taehyung, and you hang out, and you’re just at home.

Over the course of the Spring term you continue to do therapy and you work hard to be better because you are a hard worker, even if you feel like a failure a lot. Yoongi and your other friends remind you that you’re not. You all stay over summer because most of you have jobs and you have finally learned you don’t have to go home. That’s a boundary you can set. You guys still party, but not like you used to. Not to forget. Not until you forget. And it’s a little unfortunate that your first kiss with Yoongi came that summer while you were drinking, but you were so damn cute and funny and you were alone and he just couldn’t help himself. It was great though and it felt right. There was a part of you that was afraid it would be weird to kiss your best friend but it wasn’t at all. It made you both tingly and warm, and it felt better than any other kiss you’ve ever had, so you do it a lot more.

Yoongi comes around on his own to the idea that he’s not a rebound and he’s not filling some void in you. He realizes that he deserves you, too. After all the time he’s cared for you and been with you, he deserves to have the complete deal. Not because it’s owed to him, but because you’re both good people and you both want it. He finds satisfaction in your simple routines and understanding your innerworkings and you telling him how you feel without needing to be plastered. But he also enjoys the way you bring joy and laughter and a touch of spontaneity into his life. He helps you by setting his own limits and letting you set yours. He helps you to grow and overcome your fears of intimacy and abandonment. He stays and he doesn’t criticize and you’ve never once worried when you were apart that it would be forever.

You never told him that you did make a New Year’s resolution to understand what you deserve and then to get it. You didn’t say because you think it’s like a wish and it won’t come true if you say it out loud. He never told you that his was just to be with you.

--------------------------

Permanent taglist

@halesandy @burningupp-replies @lilacdreams-00 @minclangyyy @yoongiofmine @yonkimint @wholockian1 @cbgdoll @babycoffeefire @theatren3rd @bri-mal @dis-tru6tion @hey-itsmina

[mingy0u]

SVT as stereotypical Asian frat boys

TW// drinking, party culture, drug use, vaping

For legal purposes this is a joke and parody of socal abb culture and yes, I am Asian American and no, I don't participate in this lifestyle, well anymore kind of. Anyway I see a LOT of aus where kpop idols are portrayed as frat boys and it got my brain churning in and I came up with this gross headcanon. Generalization of asian fraternities in Southern California. ✨✨✨Hehe first shit post

#CherryLine

Grand Seungcheol is the senior president and the guy who supplies the alc, you venmo him at every party. Relatively well known, he's pretty chill and calls himself a grandpa because he doesn't rave anymore but will show up to parties and the club. Used to be the tank and will prove to anyone that he still has it, will literally go till the last man standing to prove a point. He loves to spoil his line and goes all out when it comes to gifts. His little is Woozi, who is also a DJ usually mixes house party jams and early 2000s rnb together, wouldn't be caught dead at a rave but went to LEDUSA bc Cheol talked him into it, rolled for the experience but wouldn't do it again bc he values his brain cells. Lowkey always has a lychee puff bar on him tho. He was able to get away with not picking up a little during his second year bc the pledge class was smaller, but ended up picking up Vernon bc they both vibe and like hip-hop. Vernon is chill, lowkey a soundcloud rapper and listens to Keshi and Khai Dreams. He's a resident sadboi, and stoner and will smoke you tf out if you have a sesh with him. Doesn't drink to get drunk, goes to parties for the vibes and will drink yogurt soju. He will take a shot with you if you ask and yes, he's out on the terrace most of the night.

#AngelLine

Great Grand Jeonghan is the Senior VP and handles recruitment and absolutely loves the incoming pledge classes that he's almost everyone's pseudo and lowkey the rave dad. Hes the enabler and will make you take a swig if you make eye contact. He drives a white Lexus and is always down to give rides. His little is Hoshi, super chaotic dude, on a dance team and 2 project teams, and will also take 20 units...does he sleep? Idk. He will yike on anyone who will let him. He's known for getting asian glow and always has pepcid on him. Hoshi picked up Dokyeom, during his second year and tbh his ride or die, they have matching jerseys. He didn't intend on joining a frat but ended up going to all the rush events bc he didn't want to feel bad. He's the life of the party and resident hypeman, super loud and will make a fool out of himself to make sure everyone has a good time. Dk picks up Seungkwan as his little, Seungkwan only rushed bc he was bored and ended up getting a bid. He's the DD and takes care of everyone drunk, and makes sure the airbnb isn't trashed. He's the finance chair and will literally @ you in the groupme if you didn't pay dues. He makes the best totems tbh, will organize coordinating themed outfits for raves. Hoshi is super tempted to pick up again and picks up Dino as his second little and DK's twin. He spoils the hell out of him since he found out he's a dancer too and got him an engraved hydro and yeezys. Dino is honestly down for anything and Jeonghan’s rave baby. He firmly doesn't believe in chase, and will challenge Cheol to a drink off. He's really enthusiastic, is the favorite. Sweet talker and has a ton of abg upperclassmen wanting to be his "mom."

#SundayMorningLine

Great Grand Joshua is really focused on professional development and the philanthropy chair. He's all over campus bc he's super involved, but shows up to all the meetings. He's the guy who does all the talking at the booth. Rarely gets fucked up but when he does he blacks out and will text the groupme if they wanna get soondubu or pho for the morning after. He lost a bet and had to pick up two littles, Wonwoo and Jun, at the same time which hurt his bank account but doesn't regret it. Wonwoo is more reserved and the gamer, spends all his time playing league and has a pc he built himself with the rainbow setup. Wonwoo is lowkey a tank and can chug a bottle of soju in under 30 seconds, also has the longest record for winebag. Jun is the bro who everyone babies and calls wholesome, he send the groupme random memes and always in the booked studyroom hoping to see someone come by. He works at as a bobarista and hooks it up for anyone he knows, also really good at mixing drinks and makes the jungle juice. Marks you with a sharpie to count how many shots you took so far, will judge anyone who volunteerily drinks Svedka. Wonwoo picks up Mingyu as his little and they become gym bros, and go costco shopping together on Sundays. Mingyu runs a side hustle as a photographer and does grad shoots and the formal pictures, he's also the media chair. He prefers beer over liquor, can shotgun in less than 8 seconds. He will comfort any bro who's an emotional drunk and will listen to them talk about how an abg broke their heart, and then help them find a place to yack. Jun picks up Minghao as his little, and they're bffs. He's the hypebeast and collects sneakers, yes he uses bots for drops. Will give first pick to his bros before reselling. Lowkey a baller, and uses a hoverboard to get around campus. Brings Grey goose or henny to the party and won't drink anything cheap.

[rainileo]

About this blog

main masterlist

Hi! my name is Rain, and I run this seventeen nsfw blog.

things you can request anytime:

MTL’s

concepts/au’s

reactions

drabbles

one shot

prompts

anything tbh

kinks i write about:

rough sex

blindfolds

squirting

bondage

female x female

male x male (male reader and member)

orgys/threesomes, foursomes, etc

spitting

size kink

restraints

cream pies

hair pulling

others, don’t feel scared to suggest anything everything is acceptable here unless you think/ know it’s not

i’m a huge stoner so a lot of my stories will feature the use of marijuana and other drugs/alcohol.

marijuana warning 🍃

kinks i do not write about:

incest

rape (non con)

minors (younger kpop idols)

anything that has to do with poop or pee 😃lol (other than squirting)

i also don’t write member x member scenarios (or smut), but i do write poly!au’s or idol x male reader

i do write about fluff and angst so feel free to request that too!

every friday night i try to post as many drabbles, one shots and etc, as i can, so don’t be afraid to request!

a wee bit about me:

My name is rain and I was born on august 27, 2000. i’m a huge stoner and a lot of my stories will feature marijuana or partying so sorry😗✌️ if you don’t like that. i’m also bi and i identify as a female (she/her)

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE!! I always try to make my writings gender and body neutral but if you have specific requests i can do it! but if you’re mean you’re getting blocked

REQUEST ARE ALWAYS OPEN!

Svt Red Room

[alchile-recs]

fic recs

bts 

seokjin | yoongi | hoseok |

namjoon | jimin | 

taehyung | jungkook | ot7 |

other 

dean | christian yu | kyungsoo | jb | jennie | shownu | wonho | jooheon | seulgi |

all time fave fics

genres triple | fluff | angst | smut | crack | slowburn | normal | quick | 

type headcanon | oneshot | multi-chaptered | drabble | ao3  |

tag for major warnings :: mentions of rape, major character death, mental illness, eating disorder, etc

archive of your own fanfic recs 

my ao3 user is @/snoopyjhs

bts or kpop ao3 fanfic recs 

anime ao3 fic recs

ffxv ao3 fic recs

house of the dragon ao3 fic recs 

use the ao3 tag in my blog!!

korean novel recs 

aus by alphabetical order:  

A :: artist  | arranged-marriage | anime | assassin | airport | angel | alien | age-gap | avatar 

B :: band | bad-boy | barista | biker | babysitter | boxer |bodyguard | 

C:: college | coworkers | cooking | ceo | celebrity | crush | cheating | cheerleader | christmas special | chubby | cowboy | circus | criminal 

D:: demon | devil | dancer | doctor | dragon | delivery | disney | detective | disability | domestic | dilf

E:: enemies-to-lovers | exes | establish relationship |

F:: fantasy | fuckboy | fake-dating | fairytale | friends-with-benefits | friends-to-lovers | foursome | florist | frat-boy/frat | foreigner  | fuckgirl | fighter | firefighter | farmer |

G:: gamer | girlfriend | gangster | gods/mythology | gym | ghibli | gold-digger | ghost | 

H:: hybrid | hogwarts | high-school | hunter | halloween special |

I:: idol-verse | incubus | impreg |

L:: lgbtq+ centered | librarian | lifeguard | 

M:: memberxmember | mermaid-merman | musician | mechanic | mafia | marriage | military | model | milf | memory loss | 

N:: nerd | ninja | noona | neighbor | 

O:: office | orgy |

P:: pregnancy | parenthood | punk | poly | piercings | police | psycho | pirate |

R:: royalty | rebound | roommates | religion | rich | robot-android | rockstar | racer |

S:: sports | supernatural | single-parent | sex-worker | sibling’s-best-friend | school | strangers-to-lovers | soulmates | slice-of-life | succubus | sub | stripper | skater | sugar-daddy | sugar-mom | superhero | super-power | stoner | surfer | sugar-baby | step-brother | spy | sci-fi | summer | secret-agent | 

T:: teacher | time-period | tattoo | tentacles | threesome | throwback | toxic-relationship | thief | twins |

V:: vampire | virginity | valentines day | 

W:: weeb | werewolf | writer | worker | witch |

Y:: youtuber | yandere |

Z:: zombie | zoom |

[lovethesoftkpopbabies]

Can you do 16 stoner au with namjoon of bts. Can it be like you blaze him out for the first time please and thank you

Anon

You have my attention now.

You be speakin’ my language.

(My bias may be hardcore Mama Jin but dear god I’d pay money to see something like this.)

Namjoon- Stoner AU

Getting blazed out for the first time.

Honestly, before I write out this lil’ blurb here’s how I feel he’d be:

Namjoon I get the feeling our favorite little destructive Rap Monster would be like- one of those stoners that goes through “stages” of being high. What I mean by this- is that he’s not necessarily a “type” of stoner, but rather goes through the motions. Initially after hitting, going through the philosophical yet absentminded phase. He spouts random existentially triggering thoughts then when asked he completely forgets he ever said them. Then come the munchies, and depending on how much he’s had to eat- they hit HARD. Like GET THAT BOY SOME FOOD BUT LIKE WATCH HIM BECAUSE HE WILL GORGE HIMSELF IF HE’S NOT WATCHED AND MAKE HIMSELF SICK.Then comes the laziness where all he wants to do is cuddle and mumble nonsense and just enjoy whoever is around him.

Alright, so- enjoy!

“Namjoon, it’s fine, really. Weren’t you the one who wanted to try this?”

It had initially thrown off the male when you admitted that you were an occasional stoner- some time ago. Weren’t stoners usually unproductive and unmotivated people? He didn’t understand how you- a full time student and a part time worker could ever achieve such a status of a “stoner” with a schedule like that. You had laughed at his assumptions and explained to him that this was exactly why you were a quote-on-quote “stoner”. You struggled with anxiety and stress issues- which you found that getting medication for was a hassle and only seemed to make you feel worse. Although it perhaps wasn’t the best cure legally- you found that taking a few hits every once in a while seemed to soothe you much more than pills. Namjoon accepted this about you- seeing how much better you seemed to be dealing with your mental health than before. Now, he was curious.

“People always say it burns.. does it hurt really bad? How am I going to feel? I’m not going to get stupid, am I?”

“Namjoon, it’s up to your body to decide how you react to it, you’ll have to see for yourself. Don’t worry, I’m here, and equipped.” you waved a bottle of water as reassurance, in case he needed it. Considering he was a newbie, he probably would. With your assurance, he threw heck to the wind and took the joint you held, rolled and prepped; He lit it, placed it to his lips, and inhaled.

Too deeply of course- almost immediately, he was coughing and sputtering out smoke, gesturing towards the water bottle, thumping his chest you bet no doubt ached. You chuckled and handed him the bottle, shaking your head. “I should’ve warned you. Try taking a smaller hit, and hold it for as long as you can. It’ll be easier.”

“It- it felt like I just got stabbed in the chest! How do you like this?”

“Practice makes it easier. I promise, this time will be easier. Remember, small breath, hold as long as you can.”

Skeptical, yet loyal to you, he once again held the joint to his lips, taking a much smaller breath. This time, you could see was indeed easier- he held it in for a good while, before exhaling, only coughing slightly a few times afterwards. “See?” you mused, “I knew you’d get the hang of it.”

This was only the beginning of a rather entertaining night- learning just what Namjoon was like- altered.

At first, he seemed to be a philosophical stoner crossing between dimensions. You were concerned that he was mentally fried, but he looked as though you had opened his eyes to a whole new galaxy; stepping outside once he was good and baked, he stared up at the darkened sky; staring for what felt like an eternity.

“Oppa..? You okay..?” You asked, hoping your voice would bring him back to earth.

“Jagi, you ever wonder just how the world was created? What about everything beyond our galaxy? Do you think we were the first creatures created? Like why would whatever created us only create one species? What if we failed or went extinct like what else would they rely-”

“Oppa.. how high exactly are you..?”

“Yes.”

That was what you now considered “Phase 1 of Stoned Namjoon.”

Phase 2 was when the munchies hit, about an hour or so later. Hearing rustling in the kitchen your eyes widened at the rather large spread of food he had created for himself; sandwitch, chips, sodas, sweets… You quirked a brow and smiled. “You sure you’re going to eat all that, big guy?” Obviously, he was feeling ambitious.

And that was where you found yourself at Phase 3, which is where you now were; being cuddled by your rather sleepy looking boyfriend. You had been giving him a belly rub for the last few minutes considering his wave of munchies knew no bounds- but his stomach eventually hit one, He had been bloated and in pain, but nothing your gentle hand couldn’t soothe. Rubbing in small circles on his soft, yet firm tummy, he snuggled closer to you, kissing you on the lips before mumbling a “Goodnight, Jagi.,” and drifting off.

Watching this happen, made your heart swell with happiness;

You could really get used to this.