#kouske

[ad-1812]

Ok so apparently Nol is the one who likes puns and uses them often, he also calls Shin-Ae as Yoo now

So I think

He'll be the one to say..

I LOVE YOO

Thanks for your attention

[nightwalker6200]

For some reason I had a dream where Mafuyu and Uenoyama went to a concert, and Mafuyu got drunk or at least slightly buzzed and then got into a fight defending his boyfriend, and like his inner monologue was cussing and then he got sick. Like bro, that’s the exact opposite of Mafuyu - I can see Uenoyama doing that and after Mafuyu gets over being mad, tells Uenoyama he was sweet, but idk maybe because in the first chapter of the new one, Mafuyu comes home smelling like alcohol, maybe that’s why I thought of it? Or I was thinking of Hitorijim my hero? Idk. It was weird.

[mk-shigaraki-kokopi]

Tokyo ghoul week 2023

Day 5 - Day off

[onebluebookworm]

Ranking Books I Read in 2022: 40-36

40. The Way of the Househusband - Kousuke Oono

What I Liked: Tatsu is the cutest malewife to ever draw breath, his relationship with Miku makes me squee with delight What I Didn’t Like: Got pretty formulaic after the first few strips Final thoughts: Adorable ways to pass the time, but you can read the first volume and basically get the gist for the whole series.

39. White Lies: The Double Life of Walter F. White and America’s Darkest Secret - A.J. Bimes

What I Liked: This is always an interesting time period to read about. I’d literally never heard of Walter F. White before I read this book, and that’s a crime because his contributions to the early civil rights movement cannot be undersold. What I Didn’t Like: White himself was kind of a douche, which isn’t a fault of the book, but it didn’t make him very much fun to read about. This also isn’t the book’s fault, but reading this did once again reignite my fury over the fact there still isn’t a federal anti-lynching law on the books. Final thoughts: A fascinating book about a criminally understudied period of history and an underrepresented man. Worth a look if this is your sort of thing. TW for racist language and hate crimes.

38. A Wolf at the Table - Augusten Burroughs

What I Liked: Absolutely gorgeous language, a bittersweet ending that legitimately left me feeling sad and empty (a positive when reading a memoir about abuse) What I Didn’t Like: Not really the book’s fault, but most of the anecdotes about Burroughs’ father’s abuse followed a similar formula - something good happens, usually regarding a pet, then Burroughs’ father acts like a sociopath and ruins it, causing Burroughs to hate him a little more. Took the book a while to break this formula. Final thoughts: Perhaps a little too intense for me, but ultimately a raw, painful read that is worth it, especially for how short it is. TW for abuse and animal cruelty. Seriously, the amount of animals in this book that get the shaft is almost too much.

37. Banned Book Club - Kim Hyun Sook

What I Liked: An interesting look into a period I don’t think gets talked about very much. Evocative imagery with an excellent build up of tension and drama, without feeling melodramatic. What I Didn’t Like: A little too abrupt of an ending, although that’s another thing that you really can’t fault the book for, since it’s based on such a short period of Sook’s life. Final thoughts: Not the best memoir I read, but it was cool to get a look into a culture and history I wasn’t intimately familiar with. TW for torture.

36. Howl’s Moving Castle - Diana Wynne Jones

What I Liked: Hilarious characters. Sophie is my hero whether it’s the movie or the book. Howl is the funniest bastard ever. “You’ll exploit me” “And you’ll cut up my suits to show me” gets me every time. What I Didn’t Like: Things can get a little confusing with all the plots and schemes and callbacks and such. It takes a bit to get the plot off the ground. Final thoughts: A bit of a slog to set everything up, but once it does get going, it hits the ground and doesn’t stop, so it’s definitely worth it.

[emotiandon]

Time for the backstory boys @fe-oc-week and no drawings sry also it’s edgy

Twins’s personal skill

Kosuke- Sunshine support- Allies will get all stats raised depending on their support

Kaguya- Moon mist- Hp is healed amount varies depending on supports

Twin minds- everything is increasing by 2 each turn on and off field.

Crest

Kosuke- Crest of Yang- If anywhere near the crest of Yin all stats are raised but hp is being drained and gambits is boosted

Kaguya- Crest of Yin- Anywhere near the Crest of Yang all stats are lowered but hp is getting healed and gambits are boosted

Basically before the twins were born, it was a abusive and toxic environment as the House of Kamiyama were those snobby nobles that only care abt crests. Because of that the twin’s parents had planned to run away once the twins were born. So on the 1160 31st of the Eternal moon and the 1st of the Guardian moon, the parents quickly left after the birth leaving the twins with their grandparents, the worst mistake ever made. The Hous of Kamiyama were a famous court family and they were very involved in the political side of things. Because of the the twins spent majority of their childhood with the other nobles of Black eagles.

And than on the 1170, when they were just 10, Kaguya von Kamiyama was unwillingly taken away to be “trained” be her grandparents, far away from her brother. The truth was that Kaguya was sent to those who slither in the dark, to be experimented on, to become a war machine, their experiments changed her physically and mentally. Her crest was once identical to Kouske’s both having the crest of Yang but than veryhting was flipped her crest, her moles everything. Her eyes turned from the violet to a bright jarring yellow and slowly her hair was turning white. Because of the experiments her new crest had downsides, it often gave her more disadvantages than advantages. Though Crowbar’s magic was incredible she mastered it all quickly, as she was taught how to cast reason and faith magic before, but dark was new. But Crowbar had difficulty adapting to the new magic, to her new body, to the new everything, Kaguya was scrapped and was replaced with a new von Kamiyama, Crowbar though this was nothing Kaguya wanted. The mages never called her by her real name, they always call her Crowbar, because of this she only thought important people for her would get to know her real name. Her mental state was a mess too, as she was quite only doing what people, told her too and overall had a fucked up mental state. All of the experiments made her hate her grandparents, Nobels, crests and those who slither in the dark.

While in Kosuke’s side, he was crushed when she was taken away. Because of that incident he vowed to rescue his sister and destroy everyone who tried to take his sister away, who tired to use her and their crest, maybe that’s why he hates Hubert. His grandparents would train him nonstop with the sword giving him too many wounds to mend, too many tears shed. He trained himself to master black magic as Kaguya would often teach him spells and such. Though when everyone would ask where his sister was, he would often cast a gleaming smile that outshone the lies and say things like “She doesn’t like going outside” or “She’s sick so she has to stay home” though his most believable lie was always “As the eldest I have to take care of the political responsibilities like meetings and such while Kaguya takes care of the paper work” is what he told the worried nobles when he was just 10. His smile and lie became his “personality” as he also invented a new Kosuke von Kamiyama, though this was his fault as he didn’t want to bother anyone, if he did house of Kamiyama would be in shambles. Each lie and smile was believed and his personality slowly became louder, happier and more charming, charming many ladies who didn’t know the truth. None of the other Nobel children of the empire knew except Edelgard and Hubert. Somewhere after 1174 as that was when Edelgard was experimented on, Kosuke had met the Princess and her retainer as a meeting. Upon seeing the two, Kosuke had a terrible feeling to them, mainly Hubert. Of course Kosuke couldn’t say anything so he did he usual act which failed to get through them, Edelgard didn’t think too much about it, Hubert on the other hand was irritated by his fake personality. The trio spent more time together, of course it would often just be Edelgard and Ksouke talking and Hubert listening, this was where the hatred for Hubert started as Kosuke thought he was some weird stuck up edgy prick, but he thought of Edelgard as a respectable friend and even had a small crush. Though Edelgard had been told by Kosuke about his sister, while Hubert was somehow gone. Kosuke had told her about how his sister had been taken away since they were 10 to train and he hadn’t seen or heard from her. Edelgard sympathised as this was similar to here though she never told him that.

Also there’s only a relic for Kosuke’s, as Crowbar’s crest is a man made crest so the crest of Yang has a relic called Celestia Twin blades (I can’t name shit okay) also we be sticking with the twin theme *Edit I made it now Called the swords of Apollo and Artemis

[ckiine]

Shinichi won't be able to live without Ran

So as a crazy fan of DC we come across waaayyy too little Shinran content especially after Gosho Aaoyama has slowed down the release and lots of other secondary characters getting the highlight. The progress is just beyond slow and frustrating and we get only some random bread crumbs here and there simply because of op and endings and that too is getting repetitive and over used as a lot of many other DC fans have ranted over.

But it sometimes does have a few moments which in retrospect have a much bigger impact if you think about it in the long run of the series and Conan admitting and doing things which he does without any hesitations for Ran.

Movie 1 - The time bombed sky-scraper - Shinichi is literally ready to die with Ran without any other thoughts. He is legit okay with a suicide rather than living on without her. And no it's not because of guilt that he put Ran in danger, but because he chooses her over everything else. Quote - "I will stay right here till you cut it Ran. If we die we die together."

Movie 13 - The Raven chasers - When he talks to Kouske- san (the guy who loses his girlfriend to fire and plans to commit suicide), Conan says he understand how he (Kouske) feels. He understands the loss of will to live without the girl he loves. Now in all honesty it is a conversation between a 7 year old and and man in his late twenties. Can you imagine the intensity of Conan's expression when he says that he understands the loss of a lover to an adult man? And manages to come through to him. Kouske does not mock him or belittle him as to what nonsense a 7 year old is saying but rather connects with him. Because a grieving heart recognizes another. Because Shinichi Kudo loves Ran Mouri, enough to die rather than live without her.

Movie 17 - Private - eye in the distant sea - When Ran falls in the sea and the search party is unable to find her even with all the equipment. They say the maybe the radio-watch has already sank under the sea. Ahem* Ran has drowned* Ahem. Conan is shocked to his core to the point he even questions himself in being a detective. "How can I be a good detective if I cant even find Ran?" Now Sherlock Holmes is someone Shinichi worships like god, his inspiration, his dream to be a detective everything comes from this fictional character, but the loss of this woman shakes him so badly that in an instant he loses complete faith in himself. Loss of oneself is is as good as living like a corpse. Not too mention the immensely grateful and the relived smile as he thanks Kogoro.

Shinichi is completely transparent when it comes to his feelings for Ran.

The detective boys tease him in his interest towards Ran. Like even freaking kids are picking up on his infatuation towards Ran.

Sonoko has already claimed that Conan is interested in Ran multiple times, which Ran passes off as a joke. But in the desperate revival arch Ran seems to be clearly treating Conan as Shinichi which Sonoko immediately picks up.

Kogorou too has multiple times seen Conan blushing and embarrassed when the topic of Ran having a lover comes around. Like come on even Kogorou!!!

During the mountain villa murder case (the introduction of Sonoko) when Oota- san attempted to flirt with Ran. Well I dont even need to elaborate do I? Conan is beyond elated when Ran specifically defends him from being called a brat and thanks him protecting her. His smug look towards Oota is priceless. It is legit a 7 year old elementary school kid challenging a man in university.

Eisuke was literally told to back off by Conan himself. In his jealousy he didn't even care as he revealed his identity to him. He reveals himself only when it's safe till he knows the real identity of Kir and Eisuke but even before that Conan's jealousy is as plain as day. He doesn't even try to hide it in any of the cases. Not to mention the sugary sweet smiles he would pass to Ran when she would pay attention to him

Also the time when Sera was introduced and Conan still didn't know if Sera was actually a 'she'. He literally calls as nonchalantly as possible to ask about and to top it all off it was actually the DB who noticed Conan being agitated at the thought of "Ran-neechan was walking with some boy they didnt know."

Movie 22 - Zero's enforcer - Where do I even begin with this one? The entire plot of the movie literally happens cause Amuro traps Mouri which puts Ran in distress which in turn makes Conan desperate enough to solve the entire situation, just so Ran can be at ease again. Not to mention Amuro himself confessing that if his Ran-neechan gets involved then Conan would of course meddle in.

Movie 24 - The scarlet bullet - Now Sera and Mary are kind of wary of Conan, but Conan has mostly understood the situation. So when he openly calls out to Ran in front of Sera, especially in a way as man would call out to his beloved and he doesn't even flinch away or pulls her away from Sera's gaze. almost as if staking his right over Ran, like, Yes, I have the full right to call her intimately like that. Not to mention he cant see her hurt at aaallllll. The golden lines "You are mine to protect." Not in a male chauvinist way but as someone who feels honored to protect her because Ran as a character pretty much does not depend on anyone. She can hold off on her own.

NOTE - The above drawing is NOT mine. All the credits to the artist.

[ao3screenshotss]

(kouske’s a hibari)

[geometricalien]

Do you think Seijūrō would ask for Kōki's family's blessings before he officially proposes to Kōki?

Oh god I hope so 😭

I hope his older brother is there and is giving him shit agdjsjsk I imagine his brother (I can't remember what we've collectively called him, it begins with a K... Kouske??? I know fake akafuri stan, have I even read a spark of light) being all 'protective older brother' when he first meets Seijuurou because he isn't being swayed by the 'polite nice young man manners' that have their parents swooning and then he realizes how whipped Seijuurou is for Kouki and now only continues to be the 'protective older brother' as a bit.

I imagine Seijuurou asking for their blessing at their kitchen table and Kouki's parents just smile softly - they've seen how doting and respectful Seijuurou is of Kouki, that he truly loves him and wants to spend the rest of their lives together - and then the brother speaks, folds his arms over his chest, glares down at Seijuurou. "No. It has always been my belief that Kouki could do much better than you. I cannot give my approval."

A second of silence as Seijuurou debate between arguing or nodding his refusal, his brow stitching together, before the brother laughs and slaps Seijuurou on the back. "I'm joking, Akashi. We all knew this day was coming, I'm just surprised it's taken this long."

Seijuurou huffs, a smile lifting his lips. "Well, I once asked Kouki what his thoughts on marriage were; and at the time, he choked on his burger. Hence, the wait."

Kouki's brother laughs. "When did that happen?"

A knowing look entered Seijuurou's eyes. "Our third year of high school."

Cue Kouki’s brother squaking with laughter and nearly falling from his seat.

Also cue their mom and dad having the heartfelt conversation of "Of course you have our blessing Seijuurou. We know you will both treat each other with the care and love you both deserve. Seeing the both of you grow and mature over the past years, we have seen firsthand how you, mutually, encourage and foster this character development, always pushing each other to grow and being one another's support. You have been partners for years. You have been a part of this family for years. Now, you are only making it official. We love both you and Kouki with all of our hearts. We are very happy for you."

[butteredshrimpnsweets]

I just want to apologize to Kouske and the trauma I gave him. I promise not to act like a shameless promiscuous woman. And I will not harass him again.

[trashlie]

Nol and Kousuke; their continued parallels

I know I never shut up about parallels and mirroring and foiling but that’s something that I find so fascinating about ILY - the intentional set up of characters who can illuminate something else in another character, and how the way they respond similarly or differently to their similar scenarios makes or breaks them. For instance, we see in Nol and Shinae typically positive mirroring - where she has learned from him how to be a better friend and turned around and gave it right back to him. But we also see between Nol and Kouske’s parallels a tendency to fracture and create chaos. 

The more we learn about Nol and Kousuke, and their relationship, the more intrigued I grow about how they parallel each other, because I think they are more alike than they - and some readers - realize. Or, rather, I think Nol is at least aware of it to some degree, but Kousuke remains locked up inside his comfortable bubble. 

I don’t have a clear cut thought-process for this post lol so please bear with me - I’m just tossing around some thoughts I’ve been having. It’s a LOT of long-winded rambling lol I’m sorry in advance 

To some degree, Nol and Kousuke’s parentage is paralleled. Neither of them had much of a relationship with Rand - for Nol, he didn’t even know his father for years, and Kousuke may as well not have as busy as Rand always was. They also had a mother who loved them. I’m using this word loosely here because frankly I think Yui sees Kousuke as an extension of herself, rather than a person of his own, and thus I feel like her love is more of a means for what she wants but, that’s part of what I’m getting at, too. Kousuke interprets it as love, Kousuke believes that their family is unlike others and that they don’t show affection the same way, that nurturing isn’t the same, and that Yui wants what is best for him and guides him to that goal. On the flipside, we have Nol who, as far as we can tell thus far, had a mother who loved him and doted on him, was affectionate and warm and made him feel like he was special, gifting him with a special nickname. 

The foil goes further, too - Kousuke grew up wealthy and privileged, wanting for nothing, with the security afforded to the family heir who would go on to one day inherit the company and the fortune. Nol, on the other hand, we can tell didn’t have the same fortune as Kousuke, and we get the sense that the only abundance they had was of warmth and love. Or maybe that’s just my projection, haha. At any rate, we see the set up clearly: one is cold, lonely, but with all wants fulfilled*; the other warm and affectionate though they may not have had everything they wanted. 

It’s easy to see that Nol was nurtured. That he may not have had all materialistic wants met, but his basic needs were. When he first meets Kousuke, he exudes confidence and charm, he seems like a friendly child. We also can see in him, even if he buries it deep down, that Nol is deeply empathetic and understanding of people, and even if he did it for penance, he took it upon himself to help others - but more than that, he seems to intuitively understand what people need, because he understands the wants and needs of people. 

Kousuke, on the other hand, doesn’t have that same ability, because he lacks the experiences Nol has. When you’ve had to want for nothing* your whole life, when you are intelligent and successful, when you have every opportunity afforded to you, you grow to accept what you’ve been told your whole life: that you are the best, that you will go on to do great things, that you are above these other baser needs. It was through the internalized belief that becoming better will make his father love him, that he could earn his father’s love by being just like him, that he would impress him and receive the love and attention he craved. So Kousuke never developed that understanding of the importance of friendship and peers, never learned the strife and trials others endure. He knows he’s privileged, but he also knew that empathy was beneath him, because he had no need to engage with others, because he knows his place and it’s above others. 

We haven’t seen young Nol interactions with kids his age outside of the teasing about his name, but it’s safe to guess that he probably had a pretty decent childhood before he and his mother moved closer to Rand. Kousuke on the other hand admits that he knows no one likes him, that he lacks the personality and charisma Nol possesses, that he fears he acquired none of Rand’s good traits and only the ones that made him the most like him in the worst way. 

Idk this is something I like to talk and think about, because it’s not clearly not simply a story of have vs have nots, or, well it isn’t so cut and dry. Because to some degree I guess it is. Nol had something that Kousuke didn’t - that affectionate nurturing, someone who gave him reassurance and warmth, someone who made him feel love. Does Kousuke feel love towards his mother? Does he even feel love towards his father? At a very young age he internalized that love is different for them, and he also internalized a transactional sense of love. That he must be worthy of love, that he must earn it. He forsook the activities a normal child his age should have engaged in and instead set himself on a one-track quest to chase after the one thing he ever wanted but couldn’t obtain: his father’s love. 

Though it can be argued Yui loves Kousuke, it doesn’t negate that he grew up in the face of neglect, and that he so deeply internalized this neglect until it poisoned him and grew from him an ugly, thorny bush that has him deeply caught within it. I think that’s the thing that’s saddest to me about Kousuke - he had everything he could want but for the one thing he truly desperately wanted, and it clouded him so strongly that he couldn’t see beyond it. It turned him into someone jealous and unhappy, someone who couldn’t bear to live with the idea that someone else might have had what he wanted, that someone else had experienced it, someone who wasn’t (in his mind) good enough. 

Kousuke believes that in order to win his father’s affection, he has to be good enough. And how could this illegitimate child possibly be good enough to win it? This illegitimate child who was nearly a spitting image of Rand, who had a bright smile and laughed. This child who emanated every positive trait used to describe Rand - every positive trait Kousuke had never born witness to. 

And because Nol wasn’t good enough because he was insatiably jealous the fear took root. Fear that nothing he did would ever matter, fear that Nol who already had beat him when it came to genetics, could possibly best him again. 

That neglect played so heavily into Kousuke’s identity that he has yet to separate himself from it, has acknowledged the way he is driven by fear and jealousy, that he couldn’t bear the idea of Nol ever besting him and did all he could to tear him down, to ensure he never could. And that’s the thing - Kousuke wasn’t wrong, although he wasn’t correct, either. Nol could have bested him, just not the way he feared. And, until now, he had chosen not to.

That’s the biggest difference in where Nol and Kousuke foil each other. Kousuke was raised with cold, lacked the kind of warm nurturing Nol had, learned love to be transactional, and that neglect turned into want and grew into jealousy and fear so intense that he had to tear someone down. But where Kousuke was raised in a corporate family, by business minded people who had no room for empathy and certainly not for those beneath him, by people who needed to be cunning and make calculated choices, Nol was raised by someone who seemed to exude warmth and instill in him the kinds of morals that were beneath Kousuke. Nol came to this new home equipped with empathy, and also with a gaping hole of want. 

Over and over Nol reached out to Kousuke, wanting to help him fill that hole of his own, hoping for a companion, for a buddy, to be part of a team. That even if they felt small - and though Kousuke may have felt otherwise, Rand certainly made him feel small and not good enough - they could have been together, they could have lifted each other up. Nol learned at an early age what it was like to have an ally, to have someone on your side, to have someone you were able to show your weakness to. Kousuke never did; he had to be perfect at all times. He could never make a misstep, lest he disappoint father, lest he set himself back on his quest for his father’s love.

And this further came to manifest as they grew older. Where Kousuke’s neglect turned him jealous and fearful, Nol’s didn’t really externalize the way Kousuke’s did. Even though he was punched down by Kousuke and attacked, even though we know his experiences with Yui still cause him fear, even though he, too, suffers from disappointing Rand, Nol never really took it out on Kousuke, the way Kousuke did to him. I think there’s another reason to it, but I do think his sense of empathy played a strong role, here. As someone going through it, and worse, Nol understood what it was like to feel like you weren’t good enough, that no matter what you did you would never make a difference. Over and over again he appealed to Kousuke knowing he wasn’t good enough in his eyes, but hoping one day he would be. He understood! 

That’s not to say that he hasn’t fought back because we’ve certainly seen that throughout ILY Nol has started to push back more, that more and more his veneer has changed and he’s gone from obedient for the sake of keeping peace to going toe to toe with Kousuke and finally voicing his feelings. But I think even up until the night before his court date, Nol hoped one day  he would reach Kousuke, that maybe there was something left in him that was salvageable. 

But that’s not all! I think that’s the most obvious way that Nol and Kousuke foil each other, because it constitutes for so much of who they are, of their core identities. Nol made a point to distance himself from people out of both a fear that he would bring harm to others and a deeply held belief that he didn’t even deserve that kindness. And yet he still reached out to people who needed that help. Even though his motivation stemmed from a selfish place (his penance), it still was an act of kindness, it was still him empathizing with people and playing his part to benefit them. Kousuke, though, came from an environment that encouraged every man for himself, that there’s no good in softness, that you had to be hard to be strong you had to be above your feelings, that you had to be the best, that people were beneath you and you had to ensure they knew it. 

And yet, Nol and Kousuke both are SO SIMILAR in ways that they don’t seem to realize, I think, because they are so blinded by the very thing that makes them so similar. 

Especially at this current stage of the story, we see that both Nol and Kousuke are at war with themselves. Or rather, there’s a battle raging on within each of them, both of them contending what they believe to be true and actual reality. 

Kousuke has spent a long time projecting on Nol. We’ve been seeing it for many episodes, all the way back to the night he got drunk at the club with Kousuke and Yujing and all the voices he “heard”, people talking about him and saying things that were, frankly, true. Things that deep down he knows to be true of himself. We’ve seen him lie to himself on MANY occasions, usually to placate himself. We’ve also seen times he’s stated things with eyes closed, impying some kind of mask or lie. One that I remember off the top of my head really clearly was when Nol and Shinae were bickering about his jacket at dinner, and Kousuke told them they’re ridiculous, they’re acting like children. But looking back on it, doesn’t it feel more like a moment of Kousuke’s jealousy he spoke of? That Nol is someone so good natured and easy to get along with, that people just naturally get along with him. He doesn’t have these kinds of frivolous relationships with people, doesn’t even allow himself them because there’s no time he has better things to be doing. 

But by stuffing down these little truths, by squashing down his insecurities and fears, by lying to himself at each opportunity, Kousuke plays heavily into the world he believes in, and it’s clear to us readers that the world he believes in is not, in fact, true. 

Quimchee has talked before about how memory plays a role in this story - and that there isn’t one true memory, because everyone’s memory is biased by their own views, their own feelings. Memories are malleable - over and over you remember things and details change and you can’t quite recall what was or wasn’t true. 

Kousuke speaks with such conviction of things that aren’t entirely true. Even recently, he said to Nol “Do you know how much trouble I’m in with father because of you?” even though he’d just had a phone call with Rand reassuring him he was not, in fact, in trouble, and that all Rand wanted was to know they are safe. But it doesn’t compute with what Kousuke knows to be true - that Rand will be disappointed in him, that he is Nol’s keeper, that it’s his job to keep an eye on Nol, so he dismisses the truth and reverts back to his own version of things. 

Not only that, but even the aftermath of that call roughed him up and worked him up so much it set him off on a spiral. Kousuke was dealing with a lot that night, especially with what he believes is expected of him. He was already high tension long before Nol jumped into the pool, and long before that call with Rand, but by the time he shows up at the Parks’ house, he’s full on spiraling, ruder than usual, meaner than he tends to allow himself to look in front of others (he prides himself on being a gentleman and understanding the importance of decorum and a good public image). 

When reality tests his false reality, it sets him off. He can’t handle the dissonance between the two, is incapable of facing that what he deeply believes to be true may not be. Because if that isn’t true, what else isn’t it? And from what we saw after he punched Nol and he took that fall, there’s something buried deep in Kousuke’s subconscious that he cannot face, that he refuses to. Something that he is protecting himself from. 

“Sometimes those that experience trauma create falsified memories to cope.” 

Kousuke is speaking of Nol, but I’m pretty sure he’s projecting. He’s the one, I think, with the falsified memory (though I’ll get to Nol in a moment). He is the one who has come away from that night Nol was taken away the inherent belief that Nol is unstable and violent, that Nol attacked him, that he is constantly laying an attack on him. He’s paranoid of Nol at every turn and takes every success Nol has as a slight against him. Maybe Nol was planning all along to use Oxford as an opportunity to best Kousuke and threaten him. But Kousuke never even considered an alternative. I think there’s even a likelihood that he got in the way of Nol and Shinae’s growing friendship not only to isolate Nol again, but because that jealousy still eats him up: that Nol is so personable and likable, that he just has a way with people who end up genuinely liking him, whereas no one likes Kousuke; he lacks what Nol has that makes him so likeable. But anything Nol does that looks like success is a slight against Kousuke. He can’t bear to see him rise up, lest he ever rise high enough to eclipse Kousuke. 

And while it’s very believable Nol is the violent one - because we’ve seen him lash out already and we know about his punching bag and what angers does to him and how he relieves it - we also have to wonder. If Nol was the one who attacked, why was Kousuke the one huff huff huffing in his memory, just like after punching Nol? It doesn’t match up with Nol’s memory - asking what he did wrong insisting he didn’t do anything. We’ve already established memories can be falsified - so whose is? What is it that is so traumatic about this experience that Kousuke couldn’t clearly recall it? There’s a whole post to be said about that memory and why we should be wary of its accuracy based on the coloring but that’s not for me to write (someone else on reddit has said they are working on it and I look forward to it!) but the point is: Kousuke is probably the one coping with falsified memories, with a false reality. 

But he’s also not quite wrong, I think. Like I said, this is where Nol and Kousuke overlap in similarities. 

It’s harder to state for certainty regarding Nol, since it’s just conjecture at this point, but I think it’s safe to say that Nol’s inherent belief that he is a monster, that he is a villain, is part of a falsified reality, and I think his was born out of the time he spent in that mental facility. In fact, a lot of Nol’s other trauma reactions seem to be born of that time. He’s vehemently against medicine, he doesn’t like to be in hospitals, his entire reaction when he woke up thinking he was back at Hirahara Memorial alone is enough to deduce that the time Nol was there was awful and irrevocably changed him. Is that where the belief that he’s a monster was born? Was it through Kousuke’s emotional abuse and the time he spent in the mental facility that Nol came to regard himself so lowly, that he came to believe everyone is better off without him, that he can only bring danger and badness to people he cares about? 

We’re obviously missing a few puzzle pieces here, but I think it’s a safe guess. Did something happen to his mom as a result of her pregnancy or his birth, or is it more than something happened to her and he feels like it wouldn’t have if he’d never been born? It feels like something happened and he was made to internalize it. Not all “mental facilities” are good, and not all have the good of the kids in mind. And worse, with Yui’s connections to the hospital, it’s likely that what was “meant to be” help was the complete opposite. I feel like that’s why Nol has internalized it so deeply; it’s something that was pressed upon him at a vulnerable time and it completely changed the way he views himself and how he thinks he’s reflected to the world. 

Kousuke clings to his falsified reality for comfort, Nol hides in his because he has nowhere else to go. Kousuke is afraid of reality and the truth, Nol is incapable of even seeing it! And even here, where they are so alike, they still react differently. When faced with dissonance between his reality and actual reality, Kousuke externalizes it, starts spiraling and grows angry. (Or, we could say.... he becomes.... unstable?) Nol, though, internalizes his and delves deeper into that dark. 

Now, I’m not saying there’s no case for Nol having ever attacked Kousuke. But I also wonder if we aren’t supposed to think deeper on this. Nol looks like he’s violent based on this altercation with Kousuke and what we saw with Sangchul, and how hard it is for him to bite back his anger. But we also know Kousuke to be an unstable person - he struggles with reconciling truth with what he believes and when he gets overwhelmed and stressed, he becomes irascible and paranoid - and some of that paranoia seems to leak the truth he’s fighting. But that’s not what this post is about lol. 

The point is, both Nol and Kousuke are struggling to reconcile what they believe and what is really true. So much of Kousuke’s peace seems to hinge on what he believes - it’s so easy to tip the scale and lead him into a spiral as he fights off the truth. Control is what makes him feel powerful - not in just the lording over people way, but over his own mental state. He needs everything to adhere to what he believes, lest he have to face something he isn’t ready for, something that will change everything he believes. He needs to believe that what he knows to be true, because who is he, what is he, if it isn’t? What of the years he spent grinding and trying his best to meet someone’s approval if it was all in vain? 

But Nol struggles with his falsified reality because he believes himself to be dangerous and undeserving. Who is he, to think he deserves friendship, to think he deserves kindness? Who is he to think he deserves comfort. For what he believes he’s done, he must suffer and any form of peace is undeserved - even dying. But we see that he is starting to struggle with that - he has formed friends he thinks he doesn’t deserve and they care about him. He is allowing himself moments of relying on others, of accepting their comfort. How does he reconcile his internalized beliefs with what he is finding himself wanting?

If we are to take their drunken states to be indicative of some truths they cannot face - like Kousuke’s paranoia that people are talking about him, that they are saying horrible (but true) things about him as a reflection of how he sees himself and what he believes of himself, then Nol fighting with Alyssa and stating that he doesn’t even want to be there, that there’s somewhere else he’d rather be is indicative of the truth he is denying, seeing in a group of strangers the people he’s yearning for. Just because he doesn’t believe he deserves it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it. As much as Nol believes he’s a monster meant to be vilified, he still craves the comfort that comes from his friends. He still wants to be around people who DO love him, around people who see the good in him. 

They both struggle to reconcile this with reality. Kousuke can’t face who he really is, that he spent his whole life trying to earn affection that should have been given. He left no room in his life for anything he enjoyed because there was one desire that trumped it all, one reward that would justify the means. Who is he if what he believes isn’t true. What has he lived for, if he will never obtain his strongest desire? How do you live with yourself, when you realize that? So he runs from it, he takes shelter in something that makes sense, that makes him feel better, that grants him the control he needs. And Nol runs from his truth, because what he believes - that he is a monster - is something he can’t let go of, lest he bring more harm to people he cares about. He has to evade it, lest the truth catch him - that maybe he isn’t the monster he believes, that maybe he does deserve the love he craves. How can he continue to evade it, though, unless he continues to believe in his truth? 

I really look forward to seeing what Nol and Kousuke make of these scenarios, of whether or not they ever choose to accept/embrace reality (or if it has to be pushed on them). In a sense, they both reside in these falsified realities for a sense of control and security. Maybe Nol knows deep down that he can’t control what happens to the people he loves, so he just hopes by distancing himself he can control that much. They both face very difficult choices and have a lot of demons to confront, and I want to see they’ll ever find where they overlap again or if they will choose forked paths. 

It all boils down to this: Nol and Kousuke are both prisoner of their own minds, in some way. Neither of them can move forward until they tackle that, but it’s such an intrinsically woven part of them, how are they to shed that? That’s what I’m dying to see. 

[mysticalblizzardcolor]

Listen/purchase: Kousk - Morning Mushroom (Original Mix) by Garasadah Records

[asknarashikari]

Geats cast react to... [just after the Jyamatos are beaten, a sequel to the geats cast reacting to Yuzuru and Kotaro and turning giant/their hand giant]

Kadoya: How did you two end up here?

Kadoya: You're not supposed to be here.

Kotaro: I don't know, I was eating in Spada's restaurant one moment, and I'm here with Yuzuru-kun fighting these inves-like monsters.

Yuzuru: Kotaro-kun is right, I was with Kouske -niichan one moment and I'm fighting the next.

Yuzuru: What did you call them, Kotaro-kun?

Kotaro: Inves, wait, that means...

Kadoya: Okay, time for the both of you to return to your timeline.

Kadoya: Hopefully before Wizard and Beast blow a gasket.

Kadoya: And we won't have another Taisen in our hands.

Yuzuru: From what Kousuke-niichan told me, that was totally your doing.

Kadoya: Hai, hai, in you go, the both of you.

It's Keiwa's face that really sells this shot lmao

[dietmar44]

Sunset on Fresnay Bay (Armor coast, 22)

Coucher de soleil dans la baie de la Fresnay (22)

kuzh-heol ( Aodoù an Arvor) : kousked : pa vez aet an heol da guzh !

[aoixmidori]

[song-tam]

webtoons will be the death of me holy fucking shit

WHY IS I LOVE YOO SO DRAMATIC I‘M NOT EVEN ON EPISODE THIRTY YET HHHHHHHH

[amanizali]

I love quimchee so much omg

@quimchee