#knowing how much they will all love one another and how much ezra will grow and mature and love is both heartwarming and heartBREAKING

[perfectharmonyloveschaos]

"I'm not against sticking it to the Empire. But there is no way I'd stick my neck out this far. Who does that?"

Ezra, baby boy, you will 🥺

[gffa]

EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF THIS WAS SUCH A FUCKING BANGER. Baylan Skoll is reading exactly what Ahsoka fears and sets up this vision for her, that he says her legacy is one of death and destruction--which hurls her into a vision-slash-flashback of the clone wars, where she felt like this is all she learned as a Jedi, because this is what the galaxy was when she was growing up in it. That this is Anakin--or Ahsoka's own mind using Anakin as a proxy, because she STILL emotionally and mentally sees him as the one who teaches her, even if it's not really him, she imagines it to be him, because he's her Master, the one who taught her what she needs to know--but also this is the center of everything she can't let go of, all the hurt and fear and loss, it's all tangled up in Anakin and what he became. That she loves him and fears him in the same breath, that she remembers the good, the charming young man who was teaching her how to survive, who gave everything he had to her, while also remembering what he became, that he was so powerful that he became the worst nightmare the galaxy had ever seen, that neither of these is the whole of who he is, that he is all of this and more. He isn't just Anakin Skywalker, he's also Darth Vader. He isn't just Darth Vader, he's also Anakin Skywalker. He isn't just Anakin and Vader, he's also everything of Obi-Wan, of Qui-Gon, of Dooku, of Yoda--and she has to learn to accept that the same is true of her, too. The potential for tremendous darkness lurks in all their hearts, that's what the Jedi teach. No one is above the dark side. No one is above fear and clinging on and holding too tight. It's a lifelong journey not to give in to those things and you are so much more than just any one moment or even any one aspect. Yes, if she's everything he is, then she does have the potential to become the same kind of nightmare of death and destruction that he did, just as she fears. It's why she's held herself back from the galaxy, from the Ghost crew, from Sabine especially, because she's afraid, and only agreed to train Sabine in the first place because whatever abilities she has, they're so low Sabine can't become another Vader. Grogu does have the potential to become another Vader. Ahsoka does have the potential to become another Vader. She has killed many and destroyed so much. But that's not all she is. She's also saved so many lives. She also gently tucked Roo Roo Page back into her mother's arms. She also taught Petro and Katooni and Gungi and Zatt and Byph about how to get their crystals. She also saved Kaeden's life. She also protected Ezra from Vader. She's all those things, plus more, just as Anakin was all the things he was and more, too. Baylan was right that part of her legacy is death and destruction, but he's a dark sider, he lies and twists the truth, and the truth is--Ahsoka Tano, like every Jedi before her, is more than just one part of her legacy.

[erodasfishtacos]

Always Choose You

Happy 2 Years of ErodasFishTacos ♥️

Hi, my loves. Long time, no see! I am coming up on my second year of writing and wanted to celebrate with everyone.

I posted this on my patreon and wanted to share the twins with everyone. Thank you for all the support from everyone over the past two years.

I am still no longer posting regularly on here but I want to give everybody a little something ❤️

prompt: follow MLB!H and YN through nine months of pregnancy with the twins

word count: 10k+

warnings: smut, angsts, birth

Easton is 10, Cash is 8, Ezra is 6, Briar is 4 :)

I really hope you enjoy! Please let me know your thoughts!

love you all so much 

isla x

-

two months; eight weeks

Harry was sniffling the whole ride home.

He had managed to keep it together through the rest of the appointment but as soon as they got in the car, he lost it and was crying.

YN asked twice whether he was okay because she couldn’t quite decipher whether they were happy or not after a few minutes but Harry had just squeezed her thigh and said he was ‘okay’ even though she felt like he was breathing a bit too hard.

“Can you pull over?” YN asks a few minutes away from their house, it was all woods surrounding them as they drove up to where they were tucked away in privacy from the world.

“Of course, do you feel nauseous?” Harry answers instantly but he’s already pulling off on the side of the road - there wasn’t any houses or other cars near them.

“Get out with me for a minute,” YN says instead as she opens the passenger door, waiting until Harry walks around the car with a bit of a perplexed expression but as soon as he’s in front of her, she presses his body back against the car.

“I can’t tell for certain but I feel like your about to have a panic attack. The tears and how fast your chest is moving up and down. Are you scared that it’s twins?”

Harry squeezes his eyes shut and shudders out a shaky breath, shaking his head ‘no’ before actually mumbling, “It…I couldn’t be happier that we’re having twins. It’s a dream come true to have one more baby than we bargained for.”

“Then what is it, H?” YN frowns as she uses the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe the tears off his cheeks as they continuously run down, she hasn’t seen him like this in a long time and it was starting to make her worried.

“I…” Harry swallows harshly, avoiding her eye contact that he normally never did, “I feel like I’m having trouble breathing, I think am having a panic attack because I’m so in my head right now and I am so worried…”

“Harry,” YN replies firmly, putting her hand over his heart, “What are you worried about? The babies are healthy and growing normally -“

“S’not about the babies,” Harry shakes his head again.

“Baby, I’m not a mind-reader,” YN reminds him as she feels how fast his heart is beating, “If it’s not about the babies, then what is it about?”

Harry blinks up at her, hesitating as he wipes his face, “You. I…As soon as she said twins. I know it’s going to be so much for you and it’s not what we planned - to have two more. I didn’t even ask how you were feeling. And now I’m worrying that you felt pressured to have more children and if that leads you to resent me because of the twins.”

YN can’t help but snort out a laugh, “You’re absurd, you know that?”

Harry’s face drops into a boyish pout, “Don’t laugh at me.”

“You’re having a panic attack over something that isn’t even happeninf, H,” YN soothes, using a nicer tone as she wraps her arms around his narrow waist and nuzzles her face into his chest.

“I came to you asking for another baby, I’m sure you remember. I know you wouldn’t have minded more children but I knew you would have been okay with my decision if I didn’t want more. I want both of these babies and now I can’t picture just being pregnant with one. Please stop worry and go back to being happy about it.”

“I’m so happy,” Harry murmurs into her hair as he hugs her closer, “I can’t believe that we are going to have two more bubs running around our house. I think East, Cash, and Ezzie are going to be so excited. Briar may lose her mind not being the baby anymore.”

“Or what if she’s not the only girl too?” YN giggles because she can imagine Briar either loving a sister or having to transition to the idea of it.

“I can’t imagine it, I feel like you’re a boy mama beside her,” Harry smiles, his heart rate already going back to normal, “I love you with everything in me and more. I am so grateful for everything you do for us and continue to do. This family wouldn’t be without you.”

YN pulls back to smile back at her husband, “Do you want to have a quickie in the car before we go home?”

“Hey, I was trying to be romantic and sweet,” Harry remarks as a surprise laugh comes from his chest, his hand moving down to smack her bum lightly as if to scold her.

“So is that a no?”

“The answer to that question will never be no,” Harry’s voice drops lower, predictable as always, “Get your arse in the backseat.”

-

When they get home from the doctor, Anne is sat in the backyard as all four of the children run around on the playset and sandbox, Easton and Cash chasing each other around as Briar and Ezra look to be having a tea party with their dolls and stuffies.

“Is there good news?” Anne asks hopefully as Harry and YN take a seat on the lounger next to her; the kids hadn’t spotted them quite yet.

“Mum,” Harry can’t tamper down how wide his smile is, “We’re having twins.”

Anne’s eyes widen comically before they start to water, “I’m going to have two more grandbabies? Are you pulling my leg?”

YN riffles through her purse to pull out the sonogram where baby one and two are labeled, they’re tiny and still look like little blobs but they’re there nonetheless.

“My goodness,” Anne puts a hand up to her mouth, eyes watering as she stares at the little picture in her hand, “Two more to love. I’m so happy for you two.”

Anne leans over, tugs YN into a tight hug and it feels like a flashback to when they first told her about Easton.

-

YN shakily hands over the sonogram to Anne, Harry had his hand firm on her shoulder to remind that he was there.

“Look at how much he’s growing ,” Anne coos as she traces her finger over the photograph, “He’s looking so big!”

“Doctor said he looks completely healthy, labs came back and they were all as they should be,” Harry smiles proudly, his hand moving around to cradle the bump.

“You guys are so excited aren’t you,” Anne grins as she looks between the two of them - the excitement and love was obvious.

“I know we’re young but we are so excited to have this baby. We will be graduated from college and in New York for Harry. It will be a new journey but we are so incredibly happy.”

“That’s all that matters,” Anne hums as she pulls them into a strong hug, “Happy kids and a healthy grandbaby.”

-

Anne quickly tucks the picture under her thigh when all the children realize their parents are home at last.

Briar crawling up onto YN’s lap and cuddles right into her chest with a whiney, “Mama, mama, mama.”

“I’m right here. We were just gone for a little, hm? Being such a good girl for nana,” YN coos as Briar blinks heavily, she was just about ready for a nap, and that girl loved her sleep.

“Daddy,” Briar lazily reaches over to tug at Harry’s shirtsleeve to get his attention before tucking herself back into the cradle of YN’s arm.

“Hi lil’ mama, I see you,” Harry leans over to kiss her forehead and smooth out a stray curl but lets out an ‘oomph’ when three rambunctious boys jump on him at the same time, “Were you three monsters good for nana?”

They all chime out a giggly ‘yes’ as they cling on their father, excited both their parents are home with them.

“Alright, m’going to give you three a head start. I’m going to count to five and then I’m going to get you!” Harry growls which makes the boys all squeal and begin to run back into the yard.

Harry bolts after them, wasting no time in tackling Easton who’s laughing so hard he has tears streaming down his face.

Briar starts grumbling and squirming around, she is serious about her sleep, she blinks up at YN and says, “Nap, mama. Now.”

“You’re such an amazing mother,” Anne puts her hand on YN’s knee with a soft smile, “I can’t wait to see what this journey brings you.”

-

month three; 16 weeks

The smallest bump was starting to show on YN’s belly and it was easy to cover with an oversized shirt or hoodie but while she was standing at the mirror, it was obvious to see.

Harry was still in season, traveling, and her bump was changing with such frequency that she looked just a little bit different every time that Harry saw her.

They had to tell the children soon, YN didn’t know how some of them would respond - they knew that Ezra would be excited but she couldn’t guarantee the rest of them.

YN was eager to show Harry that her little bump had started to protrude, she started to show maybe a few weeks later into pregnancy with the others but since she was growing two - she assumed that she would get bigger faster and that seemed to be proving right.

That night, Harry was getting in from Denver and as always, he loved when YN stayed up and waited but he assured her she didn’t need to.

He knew how tired she was by the end of the night from parenting all day, sometimes he found her asleep from where she valiantly tried to wait up but ended up dozing off on the couch.

Harry comes in through the garage, dropping his suitcase and duffle entryway before he goes about grabbing a water bottle and seeing if there’s any leftovers from dinner.

He feels stupid that he gets butterflies in his stomach when he sees a container of chicken, rice, and vegetables with a post-it note that just has the initial H with a heart.

When he puts it in the microwave, YN must hear that because she’s padding into the kitchen in one of Harry’s shirts and just a pair of underwear.

“Mama,” Harry rasps, his voice worn from yelling during the games, “C’mere, I missed you so fucking much.”

YN walks right into his arms, allowing Harry to wrap her in a tight hug before he’s pulling back to kiss her nose then lips.

“I missed you too. I hate when you leave us, never gets easier,” YN sighs sadly and that was something that happened during every pregnancy.

YN always misses Harry when he is gone but when she was pregnant was the only time her hormones were off and she got angry about it before crying and apologizing.

“You know I’m never gone for longer than I need to be. And anytime I’m away, I’m thinking about home,” Harry murmurs sweetly, ignoring the alarm of the microwave signaling his food’s done, “Thank you for leaving me dinner. You always surprise me.”

YN steps back suddenly with an excited grin, taking enough room back so Harry can see her fully, “Speaking of surprises, I have another one.”

Harry squints at her with skepticism, leans up against the counter, “Whassit?”

YN lifts up her shirt and holds it under her breasts, turning to the side, and looking back at Harry to see his reaction.

He just stares at it for a moment in silence before his eyes find hers but he’s holding her gaze for no longer than a second before he’s glancing back down at her belly.

“S’a bump,” Harry whispers gleefully before he is scurrying forward to cradle her tummy in his hands, “It’s little but it’s there. You’ve never showed this early but it’s because we got two of ‘em in there. Oh my god, this is the best surprise.”

YN is always grateful with how attentive he is to her pregnancy, some women she’s friends with - their husbands can’t even remember what trimester there is, let alone week or what their bump looked like from the last pregnancy.

“Let me take a picture,” Harry reaches for his phone in his pocket, taking a few steps back to take a picture of his wife smiling down at where her babies are growing, “Fuck, you’re the most beautiful thing on this earth.”

And right when he’s about to put his phone away, YN says, “Wait, one more picture!”

And when Harry brings his phone back up, YN being the cheeky thing she is, pulls her shirt up until her breasts are revealed - soft but perky as she shakes them at the camera.

Harry definitely snaps more than one picture before he’s slipping his phone in his pocket, “S’that how it’s going to be? You like knowing there’s pictures of your tits on my phone, look at ‘em constantly when I’m away.”

“That’s all you have on your phone?” YN teases with a smirk, knowing there’s a double passcode protected album that contains much more than that.

“Got a pretty nice variety,” Harry drawls, his voice deep with arousal as he begins to stalk towards her, “Your tits, your bum, my cock in you, the list goes on, baby.”

YN giggles as he presses her back into the counter by crowding into her space, the ledge at the lower of her back, and his dinner completely forgotten- he was hungry for something else.

“You’re so easy,” YN tells him for the millionth time in their relationship because she can get him going by just existing.

And Harry replies often in the same way, “I’m demi and I’m only attracted to you. Imagine being married to the most attractive person in the world and that’s what it’s like for me. I am married to the person I’m most and only attracted to, it’s a dream.”

“You’re the most attractive person in the world to me,” YN replies sweetly because it’s true, he is the hottest man on this earth and no one could tell her elsewise.

“Show me then, take me out, pet,” Harry murmurs in the filthiest tone, his athletic shorts showing clearly that he was plumped and ready for her.

YN was just about the tug down on the waistband when a cry echoed out through the house.

The noise came from the top of the staircase because there was a gate up because YN didn’t want any of the children to be half asleep and take a tumble.

It was Briar without a doubt as she cried out, “Mama, daddy.”

“She has not been sleeping well,” YN sighs, patting Harry’s hip, “Reheat your dinner and then come upstairs.”

This was a common occurrence that they had to get used to with a household of children, they were going to get interrupted.

Harry gives a sad little pout but nods, giving her a kiss and a smack on the bum before YN’s disappearing back to the foyer to the staircase.

He can hear Briar’s desperate little whines when she sees her mother, “Mama, mama, hold me, please. Where’s daddy?”

His heart breaks a little bit,  YN responds too softly for him to hear but he quickly turns the microwave back on and scarfs down his dinner.

When he found them, YN had brought Briar into their bed which he didn’t mind one bit, and wasn't going to turn down a cuddle from his two favorite girls.

Briar looks up happily from where she’s cuddled into her mother, “Daddy, you’re home. I missed you.”

And it is the sweetest sentiment but he hates that his kids have to miss him, he knows it’s going to be two times harder when he has two more babies to leave at home.

He can’t share it with YN until Briar drifts off to sleep because the kids don’t know about the babies yet but they won’t be able to hide it for much longer.

“How am I going to leave you and them after the twins are born?” Harry murmurs softly after Briar had finally fell back asleep between the two of them.

“The same way you have the past four times,” YN says back as she reaches over to brush at his curls that Briar had run her hands through, “It will be okay.”

“Six kids,” Harry replies with a frown, “I will feel like shit for leaving you, every single time. More than I do now.”

“Have I not handled it well these past ten years? Since Easton was a baby?” YN asks and there’s a bit of defensiveness in her voice like he’s offended her abilities.

“Mama,” Harry titters because he didn’t want his own anxiety to be misconstrued, “It doesn’t have anything to do with you. You do such a fucking good job. We have four perfect amazing kids. It’s more about me, I guess, not being a good enough husband or dad.”

“But you are,” YN reassured him fiercely, “You are the best provider. You provide for me so that I can stay home and raise our babies. You make sure our children have anything they could ever need or want on top of always being present, even when you’re away.”

Harry turns his face to where her hand is on her cheek and kisses her palm, “Are you worried about having six kids at home without me sometimes?”

YN shakes her head, “I always have your mom’s help. Plus Easton, Cash, and Ezra will be in school full time and Briar will be in preschool three days a week before she’s off to kindergarten.”

“I never want you to feel like when I’m away you have to do this on your own.”

“Why do you talk like you abandon me? I’m never on my own. I always have you. I know that if I needed you, you would get on a flight in half a minute.”

He would. He one hundred percent would.

-

four months; 16 weeks

The bump was noticeable now.

YN could still get away with loose clothing which she has been doing but if the fabric clings anywhere near her belly it’s obvious.

Tonight was when they were going to tell the kids about their new siblings and they didn’t know how they were going to take it.

YN had her bet that Easton would be the least thrilled while Harry bet on Briar having a tantrum over it.

They were both wrong.

It was just after dinner, the sun hadn’t set yet but it was starting to creep below the trees that surrounded their estate to keep everyone out.

YN had made cupcakes and each child was eagerly unwrapping the baking paper to get to the sprinkles and icing.

“Okay, Mama and I have some news,” Harry announces when they had settled back down and were working their ways through dessert.

“S’it good or bad news?” Easton asks through a mouthful of a vanilla cupcake, blue icing coating his lips.

“We definitely think it’s good news,” YN smiles and she felt nervousness in her stomach over delivering the news and Harry could sense it so he took the reins.

“Mama is pregnant,” Harry announces which makes all the children look in a bit of confusion to which Cash interrupts.

“Does that mean you can’t have peanuts? I think Landon is pregnant in my class,” Cash remarks as Easton snickers at his cluelessness which makes him whine.

“That’s an allergy,” Harry chuckles as he clarifies, “It means that mama has babies growing in her belly. Usually, it’s just one. But we were extra lucky and mama has two in her stomach which means you’re going to be getting two brothers or sisters.”

Easton looks absolutely thrilled as he chirps, “Really? That means two more people playing games with us! That means Marco Polo in the pool will be even better!”

Ezra squeals with joy, clapping his hands, and squirming in his seat when he giggles, “I can help mama with the babies!”

Briar is still so little that she’s a bit confused but has a smile on her face.

She seems to like what Ezra says and agrees, “Take care of babies with mama and Ez.”

As for Cash, his brow is furrowed and he had stopped eating his cupcake, silent for a moment before he melts down.

“No! No babies! I don’t want a stupid baby,” Cash shouts angrily as he throws his cupcake on the floor before shoving out of his chair and storming away.

He marches toward the back sliding door that connects to the kitchen, opening it before running out into the backyard where YN and Harry watch him climb up into the tree house they have built.

None of the kids typically acted out like that and it left the three of them in disbelief that Cash had thrown his cupcake and ran outside without permission.

“Cash is in troubleee,” Easton giggles as looks down at the marble floor smeared with sprinkles and icing with a splattered cupcake.

“Easton,” YN says with a firm look.

He zips his lips quick and finds interest in his cupcake wrapper.

“That wasn’t good. Why did he do that, daddy?” Ezra asks within concern as he watches Harry bend down to pick up the thrown food and wipe the floor with a napkin.

“Well sometimes when people have really big feelings, they struggle to express it without doing something. Cash was angry and he didn’t know how to convey it so he threw his food and ran outside,” Harry explains calmly, “So we will talk to Cash about how to express that better and what you guys can do is show him lots of love. Okay?”

“Yes, daddy,” Ezra agrees sweetly and Harry has to lean down to kiss his forehead because he’s just the sweetest boy.

“I’m sorry I laughed,” Easton sniffles as he glances down, “I wasn’t trying to be mean.”

“East,” YN coos softly, quickly making her way over to lean down and hug him, “It’s okay, baby. We know it wasn’t like that, we just have to be considerate of others feelings. No tears, baby.”

“I’m not a baby,” Easton giggles through a few stray tears as his mama blows a raspberry on his cheek to brighten him up.

“You’ll always be my first baby,” YN assures him as she smothers him in love, “My baby Easton, always my bubba.”

Harry’s heart is a puddle of goo as he watches them.

“We should go check on him,” YN murmurs as she ruffles Easton’s curls, “Can you three please go in the den and put on a movie? We will be right back. We’ll just be in the backyard if you need us, okay?”

They agree before Easton is shuffling Ezra and Briar out of the room who are already chattering about what movie to put on.

YN and Harry make their way outside, down to the stump of the tree before Harry calls up, “Cash, can we please come up? S’just me and your mama.”

There’s a minute of silence before there’s a weepy, “Yes.”

Harry and YN make their way up into the little one-room tree house that had a few books and toys scattered about.

Cash was tucked in the corner, looking out the window with damp cheeks.

Harry and YN don’t try to get into his space, staying at the other side of the treehouse, and Cash refuses to look at them.

“Baby, can you please tell us what you're thinking?” YN prompts in her most soothing voice, she hated seeing Cash like this who was normally the most upbeat, carefree, goofy one.

“A-am I in trouble for throw-throwing the cupcake and coming ou-outside without permission?” Cash whimpers, stuttering through the sentence because he was crying so hard.

“No, you’re not in trouble,” Harry tells him in a tone that matches YN’s, “We know we just told you something really big and it’s okay to have big feelings. Next time, we would like you to talk instead of doing those things but you’re not in trouble, bub.”

Cash finally looks at them, green eyes watery and his bottom lip wobbling, “What if Easton doesn’t want to play with me anymore? What if Ezra and Briar like the new babies better than me?”

“Is that what you’re worried about?” Harry asks with his own frown.

“Yes because Easton said more fun with games. Briar and Ezzie were excited too,” Cash pouts but his body language is more open.

When Harry opens his arms, Cash takes the invitation to move over to let Harry wrap him in a tight hug.

At eight, Cash still liked a cuddle but not as often and for Harry it was nice to have his little boy want that once again as he buried his face in Harry’s chest.

“Easton is excited to have more people to play with but that doesn’t mean he won’t want to play with you. Same with Ezra and Briar. The new babies won’t be replacing you. No one could replace you,” Harry murmurs against his son’s identical chocolate curls, “Everyone loves you so so much.”

“Promise, dad?” Cash asks, voice muffled but the words were still clear.

“I promise the twins being born will be a good thing and just make everything more fun. We would never do anything to hurt you,” Harry promises as he rocks his son a bit, a special moment he’ll never forget.

YN gives them some alone time as she goes back in the house, stepping into the den to see that all three are on the couch, and watching Moana.

Easton despises Moana so YN knows he let his little siblings decide because she could see the boredom written all over his face.

She steps over and plops next to him, whispering in his ear, “Thank you for helping. You can have another cupcake if you want one.”

And with that, Easton’s off the couch and scurrying off to get an extra helping of dessert like it was the best prize in the world.

Ezra and Briar peek over at their mother before looking back at each other before her son’s speaking up, “Mama, can we see the babies?”

“Of course, you can,” YN hums as she leans backwards against the couch, pulling up her shirt to reveal the bump.

“They’re in there?” Briar whispers in awe, both of their hands coming to roam over the skin, “What are they doing?”

“They’re getting big and strong,” Ezra chirps in knowledgeably as he leans down to lay his head on her belly, “But we can still cuddle ‘em.”

“Okay,” Briar agrees before adjusting her position too, both of them now focus back on the movie with their heads resting on her.

-

About fifteen minutes later, Harry’s coming into the den with Cash on his back, arms around his neck, and he’s belly laughing at whatever Harry is singing to him before he’s collapsing on the couch with him, acting like he’s going to squish him.

“Daddy, no!” Cash howls with humor as he lightly smacks his dad’s back before he cuts off which concerns Harry so he follows Cash’s gaze.

Cash was staring at his two younger siblings who were cuddled up against the bump in his mama’s stomach.

YN and Harry both share a concerned glance, unsure of whether this would set him off again after Harry just spent the time to calm him down.

“Mama,” Cash’s voice is shaky again but this time he sounds nervous.

“Yes, baby?”

“Can, um… Can I have a cuddle with the babies too?” He asks hesitant before adding, “I will be nice, not like earlier.”

“Come here, sweet boy,” YN titters as she beckons him over, Ezra moves over back towards his original position on the couch so that Cash can have his turn as his eyes stay glued to the screen.

Cash cautiously moves over until his head is rested by Briar, YN’s hand coming to run her fingers through his unruly curls as he wriggles to get comfortable.

“Just because you got angry earlier doesn’t mean you’re not nice,” YN reminds him, “It’s okay to be upset that there’s going to be a change.”

“Daddy said that Easton, Ezra, and Briar will still want to play with me.”

“Of course they will,” YN soothes with a chuckle, “You’re still going to be just as special to daddy, me, East, Ez, and Briar. That will never change.”

“I think I’m excited then,” Cash mumbles as his eyes start to droop, tired from all the activity, and soon after, his breathing had evened out and he was fast asleep with his head on the bump.

-

month five; 20 weeks

There was an uptick in paparazzi as soon as people caught wind that Harry Styles was expecting baby number five (and six).

Which in turn, made his protectiveness go up nearly tenfold - always concerned about his wife and children’s safety around aggressive, photo-hungry people.

They weren’t trying to hide the pregnancy, at this point, YN’s bump was big enough that it was unmistakable what it was.

It started at the grocery store when someone snapped a blurry picture of YN reaching for a box of cereal and her bump was obvious.

The next day it was all over the news.

Styles with Baby Five on the Way!

How Many Kids Does Harry Styles Want?

Accident or Planned? YN Styles Pregnant!

Harry Styles Net Worth Just Hit $600 Million - A Baby To Celebrate?

YN stayed out of the media, she wasn’t active on social media or trying to be an influencer - she wasn’t ever interested in that and so in turn, people dubbed YN as mysterious because they did not know much about her.

Harry was arguably one of the most famous athletes on earth but despite that, he was just as private in his personal life.

He was constantly being put on all the major sports networks, he was on television usually three times a week during a game, and then post-games interviews after that.

Harry did interviews on television, in magazines but he always made sure that the main thing he was talking about was his career and not his personal life.

Did he like to throw in how much he loved his wife and kids? Sure but he wasn’t eager to share anymore than that usually.

It will never feel normal to have paparazzi following her and she especially hates it when she has the kids without Harry.

A group of seven or eight photographers decided that it was perfectly acceptable to plant themselves at one of Easton’s baseball games to try to get more pictures of YN’s bump.

Harry was in the city for a photoshoot for Nike but he was going to be on his way to the game if he wasn’t done already.

YN was on edge because she’s trying to watch Easton play but all she can focus on is a group of men with long lenses that are all pointed at her.

Normally the other kids would go play on the playground but YN didn’t trust those men and made them right by her side with the photographers around which made them all a bit miserable and whiny.

It was also embarrassing because YN could tell it made the other families attending the game uncomfortable and they all knew it was because of her.

The biggest concern was when Harry shows up because YN knows that he will absolutely flip when he sees a group of men with cameras pointed towards his pregnant wife and little children.

And she was a hundred percent right.

YN (and honestly the other parents) watches as a tinted, sleek matte black SUV pulls into the parking lot and the vehicle is unmistakably Harry’s, and by the way he slams on the break, throws the car in park, and is getting out of the car with agitation.

He’s a bit far away from where YN is, she can’t hear everything that’s being said but she does see is Harry storming right over the group of men who quickly turn the camera and video recorders on him.

YN quickly gets up, asking one of the mom’s who she is friends with if she can keep an eye on the three for a moment while she makes sure Harry doesn’t do anything he regrets.

When she gets close enough, Harry’s not yelling but his voice is booming and full of threats as he speaks, “Following me is one thing. Follow m’wife and children to their baseball games, are you fucking insane? Do I have to file a restraining order against all fucking seven of you? You don’t want that or you’ll lose out of all your money shots, you fuckin’ leeches.”

“Harry,” YN interrupts as the photographers try to profusely apologize, the last thing they want is Harry to file a restraining order because he makes them the most money.

Harry’s green eyes are fiery, his fist clenched at his sides, and his shoulders tensed as he stares down the paparazzi who are cowering and taking big steps back (they also probably don’t want their cameras broken).

“Get the fuck out here. If you release any pictures of my children,” Harry grits out, trying to maintain his cool, “I will sue you for everything you’re worth. I’m an adult, I chose this. They didn’t. I won’t hesitate to protect them. Do you understand me?”

They all nod with worried expressions.

“I said, do you fucking understand me?” Harry barks out, demanding verbal confirmation which they all give as soon as he shouts at them, he’s giving them one last dirty look before they’re turning and running to their cars.

Harry waits until they’re all peeling out of the parking lot before he’s turning to YN, who’s looking at him with a pursed expression, he pouts at her, “What?”

“Nothing,” YN shrugs as she intertwines their hands to begin their way back to the field where all the other parents are trying desperately not to stare but they are, “You’re just so hot when you’re being a good dad and husband.”

Cue Harry’s sleazy grin, “Yeah? Does that mean I’ll get some tonight, mama?”

“I’ll consider it,” She hums teasingly, smacking his hand when he moves to get a feel of her bum but when he tries again, she lets him get a good handful as a promise of tonight.

“How are the bubs,” Harry asks as his hand moves to her bump, “Can see your bump from a mile away now. It’s making newspapers everywhere. My pretty pregnant wife.”

YN scoffs as she shakes her head, “I don’t know why but I saw my face on a People Magazine in the grocery store yesterday. It said, ‘A Baby To Save The Marriage’, do you have something to tell me?”

Harry snorts out a laugh, “The day they get a story right will be a magical day in history. Those magazines don’t benefit from healthy marriages and happy families.”

“They really don’t benefit from us then,” YN mumurs as Harry leans over to kiss her temple, “They’re doing good. I thought I felt a flutter of movement earlier but it was only once so I don’t know.”

“I can’t wait to feel them. Just feels like yesterday Briar was kicking at you in the middle of the night and it woke me up,” Harry laughs fondly, “Speaking of Briar.”

As soon as they got close enough, Briar was hurriedly running over to her father who scooped her right up, “Missed you, daddy.”

-

When they got home and all the kids were asleep, Harry made a few calls to his lawyers about what he can do about the paparazzi showing up at the children’s sporting games and how to prevent their pictures from getting blasted all over the internet.

YN was brushing out her damp hair in their bathroom when she felt that same flutter from earlier but it was stronger, she held her breath hoping that it wasn’t her mind playing tricks on her.

The movement continued which made YN hike up her shirt and touch gently at her stomach, there was definitely a baby or maybe both moving around in there, and she was so excited she dropped her hairbrush.

Without a second thought, she’s walking as fast as her pregnant self will let her down the stairs to the office where Harry’s having a tense conversation based on the sharpness in his tone.

“That’s the only thing that can be done?” Harry snapped at someone, his face was contorted into an angry grimace as he sat in his office chair, feet up on the desk, and twirling his wedding band.

When Harry sees YN standing there with wide eyes and an unreadable expression, he rudely says to whoever is on the other line, “I’ll call you back tomorrow,” before hanging up.

“Everything okay, baby?” Harry worries as he stands up and starts walking towards her.

YN nods before shoving up her shirt again, she grabs his hand as soon as he’s close enough, and puts it right on the middle right of her bump where there’s one of the twins rolling around.

YN doesn’t realize that she has tears streaming down her face until Harry wipes them before kissing her nose, “Why are you crying, mama?”

“I didn’t realize how much I missed the feeling,” YN sniffles with a giggle, they were happy tears, and it was her twins telling her that they’re healthy and growing strong - that she’s doing a good job.

“It’s just like a butterfly,” Harry hums as he squats down, kissing over the spot where one of the babies is moving, and YN’s heart melts at the sight, she loved him so much.

-

month six; week 24

The sex was going to be a surprise to everyone, they decided just like with their other babies that they wanted it to be a mystery up until their birth.

As they lay in bed, Harry is in his usual position now which was with his head resting on her thighs, just below the bump - he was always waiting to feel a kick or flutter.

“How do you feel about the name Posie for a girl?” Harry hums as they both scroll through their phones on a baby name app.

“Do you think we will have a girl? What if we have two girls?” YN hums in disbelief, “I just can’t imagine Briar having sisters. But no, no to Posie.”

“What about Teddy? Could be for a boy or a girl?” Harry brings after a few minutes later as he favorites that name.

“I love it actually,” YN sits up a bit more, the name instantly connecting for her, “I think I like it best for a boy but I love that name.”

Harry looks at her skeptically, “Did we just come up with one of the names that easily? Can it be that simple?”

YN shrugs with a hand affectionately rubbing  at her belly as she says the name out loud again, “Teddy. Teddy Styles. It’s perfect.”

Then for the next few weeks it’s not easy.

Harry will text her a few.

H: Annie, Violet, or Daisy?

YN: Nope.

YN: Lily, Vera, or Mia?

H: No.

Then one day YN texts

YN: I think I found the name. Just like Teddy, it could be for a girl or boy.

H: Try me. I think we have vetoed every name in existence.

YN: Scout.

And as Harry sits in the locker room, supposed to be putting on his gear, he’s struck with absolute joy because it fits so well.

H: Scout and Teddy?

YN: Scout and Teddy.

H: I love them.

YN: We named our babies 🥹

H: I love you, mama ❤️

-

YN isn’t the same person she was when she had Easton - then she was young, afraid to offend, and eager to please.

And when Gemma had come at her for the unplanned pregnancy, YN had let it flip her whole world upside down and make her feel like absolute garbage for quite a while.

Now, YN was different and for the better - she had no problem standing up for herself when it came to her sister-in-law.

They didn’t spend much time together but YN tolerated her.

Ever since the riff about Easton, Harry’s never been close with her again, and YN knows Gemma puts blame on YN for that but YN couldn’t convince Harry to try to make amends because he didn’t want to.

YN had a feeling as she was cleaning up the dining room after a family dinner with Anne, Dave (her boyfriend), and Gemma that there had to be at least one smart remark.

It comes as YN begins loading the dishwasher while Anne and Dave help Harry wrangle the kids outside to make s’mores in the fire pit.

“Thanks,” YN says to Gemma as she brings in the rest of the plates and silverware from dinner, Gemma nods before leaning against the counter and crosses her arms over her chest.

“So twins, that’s so exciting,” Gemma remarks but her voice is flat and doesn’t sound like the thought of having two more nieces/nephews is that exciting to her.

“It is,” YN nods as she focuses on scrubbing a spot on one of the wine glasses, her hormones had been shifty these past few weeks as to be expected with pregnancy and she didn’t like where this was going.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Gemma prompts with a casually shrug, trying to come off as nonchalant, “I mean four is a lot already and you guys are still young. Six kids by the time you’re thirty and thirty-one? I mean Harry didn’t get to experience any of his twenties.”

YN, who is normally a pro at containing her rage, well that’s not the case tonight because her hormones have her capacity for bullshit at an all time low, she slams down the wine glass in the sink and looks over at Gemma.

“Harry didn’t get to experience his twenties?” YN scoffs with a dangerous edge to her voice, “He became the richest baseball player in history, is the captain of The New York Yankees, is living every dream he had as a child. He experienced more in his twenties than most people ever do.”

Gemma’s lips turn down, she was testing YN and was definitely surprised by the pushback that she was getting.

She had been expecting that she could bully YN and that wasn’t the case, she wasn’t the scared and pregnant twenty year old anymore. She was a grown woman who was secure in her relationship.

“It’s not like that,” Gemma tries to downplay, picking at her nails, “It’s just he could have done more if he didn’t have so many responsibilities at home. I’m just looking out for my little brother.”

YN shuts off the water with a bit more force than necessary before grabbing a hand towel to dry off, “Gemma, I’m so sorry if it offends you the amount of children we decided to have. However, I have some bad news for you. I couldn’t have conceived these babies without Harry and believe me, he wanted our children more than anything else in the world.”

YN continued on as her voice rose louder, “More than money, more than baseball. I know you don’t understand because you don’t have children but I know he would choose me and our babies over baseball and experiencing his twenties a million times over. I’m sorry if that upsets you.”

Then someone is clearing their throat and both women look to see Harry standing in the doorway to the kitchen with furious expression, arms crossed tight across his chest, and the vein on his neck popping in effort to stay calm.

“Get out.”

And Gemma has the nerve to look at YN with a sickeningly sweet smile, as if Harr was telling YN to get out but she knew better and Gemma was too cocky for her own good, honestly delusional at this point.

“Gemma, get the fuck out of my house,” Harry repeats with a louder tone this time, “I don’t know how many chances I have given you to get your shit together but enough is enough.”

Gemma opens her mouth like she’s about to argue but Harry puts his hand up to stop her from even beginnning.

“I don’t want to hear it. Nothing you ever say or do is helping me,” Harry tells her clearly, “And for the record, YN couldn’t be more accurate. I chose her and I chose all six of my children first. Over anything. You have your own life to live, stop trying to control mine.”

“I am just try-“

“God damn it, don’t make me yell,” Harry sighs as he squeezes the bridge of his nose.

“You always pick YN. You’re supposed to pick your family.”

Harry lets out a laugh, loud and obnoxious enough that it even makes YN jump, “For fucks sake, Gemma. Don’t you see? I will always pick YN. I will always pick my children. They are my family. Not you, a poor excuse of a sister.”

And at first, YN’s heart jumps when she sees Ezra wander right up next to Harry and tug on his shorts, unaware of how absolutely seething Harry is.

“Daddy, Easton was telling a scary story and now m’really anxious. Can you help me do my breathing to calm down?”

And Harry snaps out of it instantly, his death glare towards his sister softens when he kneels down to attend to his son.

“Of course, I can. Patricia will be so happy to hear that you used it. Let’s go somewhere quiet, okay?” Harry murmurs to his son before taking his hand and guiding him out of the room without a glance back.

YN just refolds the dish towel, not interested in continuing the argument , and sure as hell not letting it bother her - she just walks out the back door to be with her children outside, leaving Gemma alone.

That night, as Harry and YN shower the smoke from the campfire off of them, he cradles her bump and holds her stare, firmly telling her once again.

“I will always choose you. I will always choose our children.”

-

month seven; week twenty eight

YN accompanied Harry to Los Angeles for five days while Anne watched the children back at home - a little babymoon if you will.

However, it was proving a bit difficult to actually do anything they were looking forward to because of how big YN’s bump was getting.

“My thigh is cramping,” YN moans uncomfortably from where she’s lying on her back, Harry holding one of her legs bent near his chest but when he hears her complaint, he pulls out.

“You want to ride me?” Harry asks with little to no other suggestion because the bump was on the way in almost every position.

“You really think that I can lift myself up and down right now?” YN bites out with no real sharpness, she had sweat beading at her temples already and she was only one orgasm in from his mouth.

“I can just use my mouth again?” He suggests as he massages the muscles in her thigh that are twitching, YN felt bad because she could physically see how much he wanted it.

She wanted it too.

“No no, I want to,” YN puffs a stray hair off her forehead before she gets an idea, “Just spoon me from behind.”

Harry helps her lay down on her side before cozying up behind her - his lips teasing at the nape of her neck as he guides himself in, both of them moaning in relief when he begins to pump in and out.

“Yes,” YN mewls in relief as it starts to feel good, Harry moves to get his hand between her thighs to rub at her clit but the bump is in the way, “I can without it,” She assures him breathlessly as he kisses her shoulder and moves up to play with her swollen nipples instead.

“There we go,” Harry groans in pleasure as his forehead drops to her shoulder, she could tell he was trying to keep his pace steady but he was struggling, “God, you always feel so fuckin’ good f’me. No wonder I fuckin’ see you in my dreams, darling.”

It wasn’t the dirtiest thing out of his mouth ever but it was enough to release that band of tension in her lower stomach to make her find her second relief quickly.

As soon as she was taken care of, Harry was picking up the speed of his hips, even though she was sensitive, it still felt good to know that she was making her husband feel just as amazing as she did - she loved feeling his tensing ab muscles against her back, his thighs working right behind hers.

“S’good,” Harry grits out as he starts to finish, “Fuck, you always make me come so hard.”

After Harry pulls out, he grabs a cold washcloth from the bathroom before running it over YN’s overheated body, don’t get her wrong - the sex was phenomenal as always but with two babies only two months away from being born pressing on her insides, it took a lot more out of her.

“Baby,” Harry chuckles as he runs it over her forehead, “You should have told me it was too much. You’re still breathing heavy.”

“It felt so good though, H. Wanted it,” YN whines, wrapping her hand around his wrist and he gets the hint, running the cold over her skin once again.

“Maybe we should just stick to mouth stuff until the babies are born?” He suggests softly before patting her with a dry towel.

YN snorts out a laugh, “Mouth stuff? Are we in high school?”

“Heyy,” Harry huffs as he tries to stop a smile from appearing in his face, “M’just trying to be thoughtful and you’re making fun of me.”

YN pulls him down for another kiss, “I think you’re right though. I feel like I just ran a marathon and all I did was lay there and take it.”

“Yeah but you looked so fuckin’ sexy taking it,” Harry murmurs against her lips, his hand rubbing over her taut skin.

“Don’t need to charm me, already got six babies out of me,” YN jokes which now it’s Harry’s then to snort out a laugh.

“Never going to stop trying to charm you, mama,” Harry assures her as he lays back down next to her and yawns

-

eight months; 37 weeks

Dr. Riviera had informed them that twins typically didn’t make it past thirty-eight weeks, it wasn’t common, and that twins usually came out weighing a bit less because they had to share space and resources.

Even though the doctor can only predict, she didn’t see why YN would carry to thirty-eight weeks with how well the babies were developing and they didn’t seem to be wanting to move anytime soon.

Anne had been staying with them because she was going to help with the children for a little bit after the twins were born and she wanted to be there to watch them when YN went into labor.

Harry was in the city for a sponsorship meeting with Gatorade when his phone began to buzz in the middle of the meeting.

He didn’t care that he was being rude when everyone in the room was speaking to him but he just gets up out of his seat and leaves the room when he sees that his wife is calling.

“Mama, everything okay?” Harry asks nervously, ignoring the looks he’s getting from the men in suits as he exits the conference room into the empty corridor, making sure his car keys are in his pocket.

“Don’t sound so scared,” YN chuckles softly, sounding completely okay, “I just called to see what you were craving for dinner.”

False alarm.

-

That same night though, it wasn’t.

Harry and YN went to bed at a decent time after getting all the children down, probably around ten thirty when they drifted off after a long day in the city and with the kids.

It was when Harry woke up around two in the morning when YN shook him a bit, as he blinks his eyes open and turns on the bedside lamp - he realizes the sweat was gathering at YN”s brow and the vein in her forehead was popping.

“Ca-Can you help me get to the bathroom?” She panted, out of breath, “I think I’m going into labor. I need to pee. O-Oh fuck.”

Harry quickly jumps out of bed to help guide her to the bathroom before getting her back into the bedroom, “What do you want to do-“

Just as he asks, YN lets out a low groan and a splash of fluid trickles down her legs and onto the carpet - water breaking right as they speak, “H, they-they’re coming soon. Please, I think we need to go.”

Harry was shaking with nervousness as he loaded up the hospital bag, woke Anne to let her know what was going on, and they were off to have their twins in less than twenty minutes.

Harry was surprised just how quickly her labor was progressing, with the other four, it was a slower, more tedious process of hours and hours of dilation before there was any pushing.

But YN is gritting her teeth, tears streaking her cheeks as she tells Harry, “Please, baby. Drive as fast as you can. I-I need to push. I need to, they’re coming fast. I need to push.”

“Okay, okay,” Harry grips the wheel, he know he can’t drive in a way that could get them in an accident but he really didn’t want his wife to have the babies on the side of the road.

Luckily, the hospital wasn’t more than fifteen minutes away and he calls shakily ahead so that they know to expect them.

As soon as they have an IV hooked up, YN’s changed into a hospital gown, and in a hospital bed - they’re encouraging her to push, no time for an epidural which was proving hard for YN.

“It hurts so fucking bad,” YN cries as she squeezes Harry’s hand with all of her her might, it was moving fast and they hadn’t been in the hospital for more than half and hour and the doctor was telling them he expected the twins to come soon, “It hurts to push.”

Harry has the utmost respect for his wife. He can’t possibly even begin to imagine the tremoundous pain that she’s agreed to put herself through so that they could have more children.

He’s already a sniffling mess when the doctor announces that she’s crowning.

“Mama, they have so much hair,” Harry chuckles as he looks to see, moving to kiss her hand, “You’re so close. I can’t wait to see what we’re having. A boy or a girl. You’re doing so good, baby.”

“One more push,” The nurse encourages and YN is squeezing her eyes shut and groaning as she uses all of her might to give a long, hard push.

Harry’s so distracted by watching YN that he doesn’t even realize that push had been enough for their baby to come out, only realizing that one had been born when a high-pitched cry pierces the room.

“Baby number one is a boy,” The doctor announces before the nurses are working on cleaning off the baby and doing all their routine tests.

“A boy,” YN says breathlessly, blinking tearfully at Harry, “Wa-wait, I need to push again. Will the other one come just as fast?” YN directs the question at the medical staff.

“Typically they come out without minutes of each other,” The nurse smiles as she wipes YN’s forehead with a cold rag.

“Gonna give us our other baby?” Harry murmurs distractedly, he was watching as they put the baby on the scale before rubbing it off with a clean towel to get off the fluid - he was memorized until he was snapped back when YN is howling out another grunt of effort before the second piercing cry of the night echos through the room.

“Baby number two is also a boy,” The doctor calls out before passing off the other baby, “Good job, mom. Really got those babies out fast and with no pain medication, very impressive.”

YN’s exhausted as she tries to catch her breath, “Two boys, H. Two boys.”

Is anyone surprised that Harry is full on sobbing happy tears by the time that the babies are laid on YN’s chest where she cradles them closely, tears streaming down her cheeks as well.

“Two more boys. Five boys and one girl,” YN giggles happily as she leans down to nuzzle her nose against each one of their cheeks as Harry caresses YN’s hair and watches on in awe.

“You did such an amazing job,” Harry sniffles as he leans up to kiss YN’s temple, “I am so proud of you. Look at what you did, mama. Gave us two healthy boys, you did it.”

“Mmm,” YN hums tiredly, chuckling when one starts rooting which Harry helps adjust her gown to help the baby find what it was looking for, “And they’re latching with no issues. This is perfect.”

“You’re so fuckin’ perfect,” Harry says firmly as he can’t get his heartbeat to slow, “And you gave us two more perfect babies.”

“I love them so much already,” YN whispers as she watches the baby eat hungrily with the cutest little coos as they can barely keep their eyes open, “Teddy Reese and Scout Hudson.”

“Our little Teddy and Scout,” Harry repeats in disbelief of his life, of how he couldn’t ask for anything better, “Welcome to the family.”

[kinardsevan]

as we all know, i haven't really been doing @bucktommypositivityweek because I've been busy working on other stuff. but I still wanted to contribute, and I was feeling inspired reading people's additions for 'outsider perspective'. this was also a character study for one of my OCs.

so have this: -

colors

Wilder Gray was born to be an artist. Color was quite literally in his name. He was also gay fresh out of the womb, and god bless the fact that his parents had accepted that from day one, because otherwise he never would’ve stood a chance. 

Life had been easy for him, mostly. He came from enough money that his parents sent him to semi-private school for he better part of his upbringing. When they’d discovered his ability to draw and paint towards the end of elementary school, he’d been promptly enrolled in the Los Angeles Academy of Arts and Enterprise for intermediate school. Growing up in that kind of environment had fed his need to create as well as be surrounded by other creatives. It also fostered a very accepting community where he never felt out of place or like he couldn’t be exactly who he was. By the time he was in his twenties, enrolled in UCLA, he’d had several serious relationships. 

He met one Thomas Kinard at the age of twenty-five, fresh out of his graduate program with an MFA in interdisciplinary arts. Tommy was just about to turn thirty-three and had looked extremely uncomfortable in his skin as he sat down at a gay bar in WeHo. It would be weeks before Tommy would admit to him that he was freshly out of the closet, and that up until a few months before, the most he’d ever engaged with the community was through one night stands and the boy he had shared a secret relationship with during his five and a half years in the military. 

To be clear, Tommy had rocked Wilder’s universe on its axis. When they first met, Wilder wanted nothing to do with a relationship with him. he knew Tommy was still figuring out his footing with his sexuality now that he was out, and as much as Wilder was willing to be a friend through that process, he didn’t want to play the part of the boyfriend who helped Tommy experiment and get educated. 

Which isn’t to say it panned out the greatest for him. He watched Tommy engage in multiple relationships over the next three years, and he was jealous as fuck every single time. He hated Mike, the forty-five-year-old man that Tommy met a few weeks after Wilder had met him. That relationship lasted four months. Mike was a domineering dick who did a damn good job at pretending to be sunshine. Wilder wondered if Tommy realized he didn’t have to date twice-divorced men in order to figure out what he liked, but it also wasn’t his place to speak. At least, until he and Tommy met up on a random Tuesday, three and a half months into the relationship, and Tommy tried to lie to him about bruises on his wrists. Wilder was a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them. He’d told Tommy that night that he was capable of doing so much better, that he deserved better. When Tommy had questioned him—over half a dozen beers—Wilder had kissed him about it. 

Granted, that didn’t lead anywhere, other than far enough for Tommy to be confident enough to end the relationship with Mike. They were both single for a few months after that, but whatever Tommy was waiting on, Wilder wasn’t sure. He was still firm on his position about not wanting to be the person to help Tommy gain experience. 

After Mike came Leo. Leo came with a million and a half red flags. Leo came with love bombs and grand gestures, with one thing on his mind. As soon as he got Tommy into bed, he was gone. Tommy never really talked about how everything with Leo panned out, but Wilder suspected that it wouldn’t have gone much further anyway. Another night over too many beers, all Tommy would say about Leo was that he was ‘rough. Way too rough.’ 

Either way, he bounced back. Ezra came along only a few weeks after Leo, and Ezra was so, so sweet. And so naïve. He was younger than Wilder, and clearly still trying to figure things out about himself. However, Ezra also seemed to have stars in his eyes about how things were going to work out, while Tommy had lost most of his rosy view on his sexuality. It wasn’t to say that they didn’t have fun together. But Wilder could tell that Ezra thought Tommy would settle down with him, while Tommy just wanted to work out the kinks he’d gone through in recent months and figure himself out more. 

Ezra lasted two months. 

Charlie showed up in the middle of October, almost as though he’d been swept through along with the Santa Ana winds. He put a smile on Tommy’s face that Wilder was positive he’d never seen on his friend. Charlie was the boy from Iraq. He was also Tommy’s first real love. Wilder liked Charlie. 

Wilder didn’t love Charlie. 

It wasn’t that Charlie was a bad guy. Charlie clearly cared about Tommy a fair amount, although it was questionable whether he actually liked Tommy as much as Tommy loved him. The deeper problem was that Tommy looked at Charlie the way Ezra had looked at Tommy. Except, Charlie had done the  ‘make my parents happy’ way. He had been married, was now divorced, and still half-living in the closet. Wilder had warned Tommy against doing that with him, warned him that it would only lead to him getting hurt, but Tommy swore to him that Charlie had promised. Promised one day soon they would be out together. Promised they’d get to tell people the truth. Promised the kids would know him as more than just Charlie’s army buddy. 

Those promises went on for a year before Tommy smashed what was left of his rose-colored glasses. Wilder was there with the alcohol and the metaphorical stitches to piece Tommy back together. 

The thing was, by that time, he’d promised himself that he and Tommy were better as friends. That they’d built something strong enough to withstand the passing glances and the hugs that lasted a minute too long, the pauses when they pullled away where he could feel Tommy’s breath on his lips and it stirred something inside him that he hadn’t felt since he was sixteen and dating Danny Coston, sneaking kisses behind the fieldhouse while they were skipping out on PE. 

He’d loved Tommy too much by then. As his friend. 

As more than his friend. 

And then one night, over beers and a pizza, Tommy was telling him this story about a rescue that Wilder still thinks was absolutely fucking stupid, rocking a helicopter between cliffsides to rescue a group of teenagers who thought rock climbing without gear in Griffith Park sounded like a fun idea. By some miracle, everyone had been saved, Tommy hadn’t crashed the helicopter, and it had made the news. What’s more, Wilder had been the first person Tommy had wanted to tell him about his suicidal save. 

Wilder had to kiss him about it, of course. That shattered whatever falsehoods Wilder was letting himself live in at that point in relation to their relationship. Tommy wasn’t experimenting anymore, and he didn’t need an education. He was out, he wasn’t interested in keeping secrets, and he wanted something real.

. . . 

The first year was amazing. Granted, WIlder never fell in love with the danger of Tommy’s job, but that was fine. He was in love with everything else about Tommy. He loved his personality, his face, his body, his hopes, his dreams, his willingness to be Wilder’s model on any occasion…he just loved Tommy. 

Year two wasn’t as easy. They were settled, talking about living together but not quite pulling the trigger. Wilder’s career was doing really well. He’d taken part in four exhibitions in less than a calendar year and there was a lot of attention coming his way. There were offers coming out of Chicago and New York for residencies and some teaching opportunities. 

There was a bad fire at a compound. Tommy got second-degree burns and had pretty bad smoke inhalation. Wilder hoped that after that, maybe he’d rethink his career. 

Things got worse. 

Still, somehow they found their way through. As they came upon their second anniversary, it felt like they were reaching the other side. There were still offers on the table for Wilder, and he had floated a few of them to Tommy. In return, Tommy had fully supported the suggestion for a three-month residency in Chicago. He would remain in L.A. during Wilder’s time away, but it was good for Wilder, and as Tommy had said to him at the time, ‘what’s good for you is good for us’. 

Except, the offers didn’t stop at Chicago. He was weeks away from finishing his residency when he was offered the opportunity to take part in an exhibition in Texas. What was supposed to be a two week trip there turned into four months, and their anniversary came and went with little more than phone calls and the occasional flight out for a twenty-four or forty-eight hours together. 

After Texas was Savannah, Georgia. Then Charlotte, North Carolina. Then a month-long trip to Florida with a few guest lectures at FSU. Eight months into what should’ve been the third year of their relationship, Wilder hadn’t seen Tommy more than fifteen days total. And the thing was, the love was still there.

But they weren’t in love anymore, and he knew they both felt it. Tommy loved his job just as much as Wilder loved his. Neither of them were going to give up their careers, and they weren’t going to ask the other to, either. 

It ended on a facetime call, just a few weeks before their anniversary. There were tears shed, although it was more a sadness at the loss of what they’d hoped they could be than it was at the actual relationship. There were ‘I love you’s. And then there was silence. 

. . .

The first time Wilder meets Evan Buckley, he’s barely been back in Los Angeles for a week. He’s set to start a residency for the summer and then take on a teaching position at UCLA in the fall. He’s supposed to be meeting some friends for dinner when the blonde man bumps into him at the bar, stammering out an apology with full hands as they turn to face each other. 

Evan looks at him with a weird expression that Wilder doesn’t fully understand at the time. He dismisses the bump as equally his own fault and then turns his attention back toward the bar. 

“Hi, baby. Sorry, I’m late.” 

That voice feels like someone just poured a shot of Jack Tennessee Honey down Wilder’s throat. All the heat with none of the burn. As he turns back around, he spots a familiar head of brown curls just as the blonde tilts up toward him, and then Tommy is kissing the other man. Wilder inhales a sharp breath. 

The thing is, it’s been more than a year. It’s been even longer since he and Tommy were something real. But something about seeing him kiss another man still stirs something in Wilder’s chest. 

Still, he decides it’s not his place. Not here, and not tonight. He steps away from the bar and moves down some ten feet, around the corner of it and in between a few people. 

. . . 

“So were you going to call me?” 

It’s been three days. WIlder is standing in the middle of an aisle at Blick, trying to decide between Golden and WIndsor Newton acrylics when he looks up. Tommy has a basket in his hand, half-full with small canvases and a fair amount of Liquitex. 

“Hey, T,” he greets cordially. Tommy smiles at him and then steps forward, offering him a side hug. Wilder accepts it, tucking his chin over Tommy’s shoulder. “Good to see you.” 

“I had to call your mom,” Tommy states when they part. 

“I was gonna call at some point,” WIlder states a bit sheepishly. 

“You always go with Windsor,” Tommy comments, as though he can hear the argument in Wilder’s head. “Forget Golden.” 

Wilder chuckles. “Sure.” He’s quiet for a moment, reaches out for a tube of Windsor Newton. As he stares at the unbleached titanium shade in his hand, he contemplates. He tilts his head after a moment, glances over at Tommy. “So. The new guy.” 

There’s a glint of something in Tommy’s eye that Wilder hasn’t seen in at least five years. Something he saw once, after their first drunken kiss. 

“His name is Evan,” Tommy replies. He lets out a soft sgh. “He thought I was introducing you two. Had a hell of a time explaining to him that I didn’t even know you were back.” 

Wilder nods. That familiar twinge of jealousy throbs in his chest, under his heart. 

“You sticking around,” Tommy asks him after another minute of silence. Wilder glances back up at him. 

“Got a residency downtown,” he replies. “And then UCLA in the fall. So I’ll be here, yeah.” 

Tommy nods. “We should get dinner. Evan wants to meet you properly.” 

“Sure,” Wilder says again. What else is he supposed to say? They’re not together anymore. 

“Give me call when you’re more settled. We’ll plan something,” Tommy says with a pat to Wilder’s shoulder. He’s walking backwards then, heading back down the aisle. He shakes a finger in Wilder’s direction. “Good to see you, Wy.” 

. . . 

The second time Wilder meets Evan Buckley, they’re in another bar. He’s been in the studio almost exclusively for the better part of a week and had been dragged out by a friend with the promise of carbs—his fridge might’ve been mostly empty, other than juice boxes and pepperoni slices—but carbs is apparently at a bar that doubles as a pizzeria. 

He’s not following them, he swears. But he’s been waiting for ten minutes on his pizza while his friend is on the phone with his girlfriend when Tommy strolls up to the bar with his boyfriend—Evan? Tommy has his arm wrapped around the younger man’s hip, head tilted in and listening as Evan prattles on with very animated expressions. Wilder isn’t even sure what he’s on about, but regardless, Tommy is nodding along, clearly invested. 

When they make it up to the bar, some five feet away, Tommy’s arm wraps around Evan, boxing him in. There’s a grin on his face and Wilder notices as Evan leans back into Tommy’s body, turns his head and says something into his ear. Tommy laughs, loud enough that the tinkling sound of it carries in Wilder’s direction. 

“Four for Buckley,” one of the barbacks calls out. Evan raises his hand and the man steps over with boxes of pizza. At the same time, someone from the kitchen yells out, “Veggie with mushrooms, light alfredo up.” 

Tommy lifts his head at that, leans back from Evan just enough to look around the bar before his eyes eventually fall on Wilder. He smiles at him. A few seconds later, he’s up next to Evan’s ear, and then Evan glances over in Wilder’s direction. There’s a half-second pause where Evan seems to be taking him in before he smiles affiliatively at Wilder. Evan picks up the pizzas and Tommy switches the arm he has around Evan’s waist as they stride over. As they reach him, another person is settling Wilder’s pizza in front of him. 

“So do you just hang out at all the best bars in LA,” Evan asks when they reach him. 

“Honestly, I’m usually locked up in the studio,” Wilder replies. He glances in Tommy’s direction, but Tommy is still looking at Evan. Still that look in his eyes. Evan moves a hand from under the pizzas and extends it. 

“Evan Buckley. Most people call me Buck though,” he states. Wilder extends a hand to him, shaking it. 

“Wilder Gray.” 

Evan nods. “I know.” There’s an expression on his face that’s caught somewhere between a multitude of emotions. A look that falls somewhere between curiosity, understanding, and skepticism. Wilder looks him over, spots the emblem on his t-shirt. 

“You’re a firefighter,” he muses. 

“And you’re a multidisciplinary artist,” Evan replies. 

Wilder nods. It’s interesting. It’s like they’re meeting for the most cordial duel of all time, but neither of them have brought guns; just clipboards and pens. 

A phone rings, and Tommy glances away from them. A moment later, he looks back up. 

“Hey baby that’s Eddie and Chris wondering why we haven’t brought dinner back,” he states, giving Evan’s hip a light squeeze. Evan nods, although his gaze lingers on Wilder for a few seconds longer. He turns then, leans into Tommy. Wilder watches as whatever tension is left in Tommy’s body seeps away. 

God damn. He really wanted to not be able to like Evan Buckley. 

“See you around,” Evan states after a moment, glancing in Wilder’s direction again. Wilder nods at him. As Evan and Tommy walk away, Tommy’s hand still on Evan’s hip, his friend strides back across the room 

“Hey, what’d I miss?” 

. . .

A few weeks go by without any run-ins. Maybe it’s because Evan and Tommy find other places to hang out. Maybe it’s because Wilder basically lives in his studio (it’s definitely not that). Maybe it’s because of wildfire season (it might be that). Either way,  Wilder doesn’t see much social interaction beyond his friends occasionally dropping by the studio and his parents stopping in to drag him into the sunlight. Once or twice he opens grindr, but nothing promising pans out. 

It’s mid August when Wilder spots them out together again. Another bar, another set of drinks. He’s been flirting with a guy who introduced himself three minutes after Wilder walked through the door when he spots Evan on the other side of the room. He almost thinks about going over to say something, but there’s a look in his expression. 

Something that looks curiously like defeat. Tommy is standing next to him—Wilder could place that mop of hair anywhere—talking into his ear much like he was that first night all those weeks back. He tries to look away enough to not make Evan look in his direction, realize he’s being stared at. But he sees the way Tommy’s talking calms Evan, the way he leans into him. The way their communication wipes out the defeat in Evan’s expression and replaces it with a small smile. And then a laugh. And then before long, Tommy has Evan half tipped on the barstool, their noses and foreheads pressed together as Evan straight-up giggles. Tommy is laughing with him, and fuck. 

Wilder really wanted to not like Evan Buckley. 

But Evan Buckley isn’t Mike, holding Tommy hard enough to hurt him (although the way he fists Tommy’s t-shirt before he kisses him makes a different kind of jealousy stir in Wilder, like these two probably throw each other around a bedroom with ease, and he wants to see that). Evan Buckley clearly isn’t Leo, just looking to fuck Tommy hard into a mattress and leave him behind. 

Evan Buckley might be a little like Ezra, and Wilder isn’t sure how he clocks that. Except, there’s an ease about him that Ezra never had. Evan Buckley clearly wasn’t looking for an education. The love in his eyes was obvious to the entire damn bar, whether they wanted to know or not. 

Evan Buckley definitely was not Charlie. He was openly making out with Tommy in public, hands all over the man’s body in a way that Wilder could tell was at least partially to tell the world ‘this is mine, and only mine’. 

. . .

It’s an early morning in September when they run into each other. Wilder is definitely not prepared for an eight AM class, and he’s questioning why he agreed to take this particular one on, but there’s no option to back out now. 

He stands inside the café wearily, waiting on his order, when the door chimes with ringing bells and he glances up. Evan Buckley. 

The blonde is in a hoodie Wilder recognizes as Tommy’s. The Harbor Station seal is on the back of it with his last name printed across the bottom. Evan yawns as he walks up to the counter and grabs two coffees. Knowing the kind of schedules they work, it seems Evan is heading home while Wilder is just starting his day. 

Except, Evan stops in his tracks when their eyes meet. 

“Evan,” he comments softly, acknowledging the other man. “Or, Buck. If you prefer.” 

Evan shrugs. “Evan is fine.” A pause. “Wilder. Its…convenient? To see you.” 

Wilder lets out a small chuckle. He nods. 

Evan walks forward a few steps, as though he’s not going to say anything further, and he makes it about a half-step past Wilder before he stops, leans back slightly, contemplating. He looks up at him. 

“He still talks about you,” he states. There’s no jealousy in his tone, no anger. Almost like he’s just putting the information out into the universe. Wilder nods again. He stares at Evan for a moment and then tilts his head slightly, almost like he’s letting him in on a secret. 

“And he’s in love with you.” 

Evan stares at him for a moment, and Wilder isn’t sure if Evan has realized that or not. His expression doesn’t let on one way or the other. 

Wilder takes a deep breath and the corner of his mouth pulls up a little into a small smirk. 

“Tommy never once looked at me the way he does you,” he states. “Not even during the best of it all. And me? I couldn’t ever fully accept the job.” He pauses for a moment, contemplating whether he needs to say more. Even if he doesn’t, he continues anyway. “I found him when he needed a friend. You founded him when he needed a partner.” 

A smile pulls at Evan’s face. If he has anything else to say, he doesn’t get the chance. His phone starts to buzz in the pocket of the hoodie, and he stacks the coffees together before pulling it out, answering the call, shooting only half a glance in Wilder’s direction before he speaks. 

“Hi, babe. No, I already got it. I’ll be there in like five.” 

. . . 

It’s the first week of December. Wilder is exhausted, maybe even a little burnt out, but riding high. His residency has panned out into an exhibition, and it’s the opening night. He’s been bouncing all over the gallery, trying to greet everyone and talk to them, see what they do and don’t like about the work presented. 

A hand comes down on his shoulder as he finally finds a few seconds to get a bottle of water, and he spins. Tommy. 

“Hey, T,” he greets cheerfully, if not a little weary. “Thanks for coming.” 

Tommy nods, and they share a quick hug. 

“How’d you hear,” he asks. Tommy gestures off towards one of the walls and Wilder glances over. 

“Evan saw the listing,” he states. “Told all of our friends we needed to come support. He’s really obsessed with that picture of your nephews.” 

WIlder glances over at the picture. It’s a large portrait, of two children facing away from the camera. One, old enough and tall enough that he isn’t even in the image aside from his torso and legs, with his hand resting on the younger one’s head. The younger child is a toddler, leaning into his sibling’s leg with his arm wrapped around it. 

“I’ve been tasked with getting your price list,” Tommy adds. 

Wilder lets out a soft huff as a smile tugs across his lips. 

He wanted to hate Evan Buckley. He wanted Evan Buckley to be like Mike. Or Leo. Or Ezra. Or Charlie. 

He wanted Evan Buckley to not be like him, not love and respect Tommy the way he did. But then…

Evan Buckley isn’t like Wilder. Evan Buckley supports the people his boyfriend cares about. Evan Buckley doesn’t care that Tommy is a firefighter or a pilot. Evan Buckley clearly likes art. Wilder barely knows him, and yet he already knows Evan Buckley is caring and selfless. 

He takes a breath and sighs, glancing back at Tommy, watching the way he watches Evan. 

“You’re gonna marry him.” It’s not a question. 

Tommy shifts his gaze back to Wilder. It’s the slightest movement, entirely imperceptible to someone who wouldn’t know otherwise. The twitch of the corner of his mouth, of his eyebrow. 

“Forever doesn’t seem nearly long enough,” Tommy says softly. 

Wilder can only shake his head at him as he smiles at his ex-boyfriend. 

“Well, when you start interviewing wedding photographers, I’d like to at least be consulted,” he states, extending a hand to Tommy. Tommy laughs at him but shakes his hand anyway. 

“Sure, Wy. But you should know, Evan’s seen your paintings and he wants one commissioned.” 

“I’ll take that payday,” Wilder says with a laugh. When Tommy lets go of his hand, he pats Wilder’s shoulder, and then he’s off again, heading back over to Evan and the friends they brought with them. Wilder stands in his spot a moment longer, both hands on the waterbottle he still hasn’t had a drink from. He watches as Tommy’s arm loops around Evan’s waist, and as Evan leans into him. The way Evan points at a portrait and talks to Tommy earnestly about whatever it is he sees. The way Tommy is completely enraptured by Evan’s words, nodding and smiling at him with interest. 

The way Evan puts his hand on the back of Tommy’s head as he leans into him, whispers into his ear. How, when Tommy turns into him to answer, Evan looks at him like he’s the only person in the room. 

The way jealousy still lives inside Wilder, but not the way it was that first night. No, this jealousy is from the way they look at each other, the way Wilder only hopes someone will hopefully look at him one day. He finally looks away when the two men kiss, cracking open his water bottle. He manages to get a sip off of it before someone else is walking up to him.

“You’re the artist, right?” 

[jedimandalorian]

Fifth Letter to the Church of Ezrabine at Tumblr:

Behold! Today I will share with you my findings from another of the ancient sacred texts, the book Star Wars Rebels: A New Hero by Pablo Hidalgo.

The book is written from the point of view of our hero, Ezra Bridger, a fourteen year old Force sensitive street rat from the planet Lothal.

In his own words, Ezra Bridger tells us (and tries not to admit to himself) his first impression of and his own true feelings for Sabine Wren:

“Sabine is the weapons expert of the team. She’s a real know-it-all and not afraid to show it. She’s an artist, and that’s someone you don’t meet every day on Lothal. She’s really talented, too. It’s like the Empire wants to paint over everything with its boring shades of gray, black, and white. Sabine puts the color back. I think TIE fighters look a lot better after one of her paint bombs has gone off. Yeah, I guess you can say I really admire her. That is, I admire her work. Let’s be clear: she’s gifted. I mean anyone with a good eye would say so, right? I have no idea what she thinks of me. Not that I care…”

“She’s a real know-it-all and not afraid to show it.”—Ezra Bridger, about Sabine Wren.

You know who else thought this way as a young boy with regards to a girl he liked and eventually fell in love with? Ron Weasley.

I am talking about Ron Weasley, who had a crush on, fell in love with, and later married Hermione Granger. This is a scene from when Ron and Hermione were around 13-14 years old in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban:

"That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger," said Snape coolly. "Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all."

Hermione went very red, put down her hand, and stared at the floor with her eyes full of tears. It was a mark of how much the class loathed Snape that they were all glaring at him, because every one of them had called Hermione a know-it-all at least once, and Ron, who told Hermione she was a know-it-all at least twice a week, said loudly, "You asked us a question and she knows the answer! Why ask if you don't want to be told?"

(Weasley got detention for telling off Snape on Hermione’s behalf. Sadly, the film version did not get this scene correct.)

“Yeah, I guess you could say I really admire her” is an admission of truth.

“That is, I admire her work” is Ezra trying to convince himself that this is all he admires about Sabine. 😉

“I have no idea what she thinks of me” is also true.

But that “not that I care” is Ezra deceiving himself. He does care, and he will continue to care more and more as they grow up together and grow closer to each other until Sabine becomes the person he cares about the most in the universe.

In Ahsoka Season 1, even after years of being apart, Ezra still admires Sabine and still has strong feelings for her.

“I missed you.” Eman Esfandi delivered that line in a hoarse heartfelt whisper as if Ezra wants to say “I love you” to Sabine. I am looking forward to when he finally does tell her.

The story of Sabine and Ezra is far from over. The Ahsoka series is just introducing adult Ezra, Sabine, and their complicated relationship to the live action audience.

Their song is not yet written. I will ship them until it is, and forevermore.

I have spoken.

[nikki-is-a-nerd]

In Another Life

Synopsis:

When Ezra left and sacrificed himself, He didn't just leave behind his family and friends but the person who he promised to love. When Sabine finds him, he learned not to ask certain things

Genre: Angst.

Note: This is from Ezra's point of view. And AFAB reader and yes Katy Perry reference because ugh it hurts so bad.

_________________________________

How long has it been? How long has he been stuck here, wherever here really was. How long has it been since he lost it all for the sake of saving his home planet? He really didn't know, perhaps he also doesn't want to know. Sure he knows that somewhere deep inside that his friends-no his family is looking for him. Sabine would use that stubborn head if hers just to find him, he bets that Hera and Zeb would do the same although a bit subtle, and you, his lovely girl, he just knows that you're out there somewhere using all your connections. He smiles at that.

He closes his eyes remembering the night before his sacrifice. The sky was beautiful in Lothal, the Loth cats surround you both in the field he found. The sky was beautiful but they couldn't compare to you.

"Ezra, do you think when the Empire is destroyed, we can grow up like normal teenagers and adults?" You asked him so meekly.

He had to take a breath before he answered since he remembered the little message he recorded for you and Sabine.

"I sure hope so. I would like to not always be in a life and death situation and it would ease my mind to know that you aren't in one as well." Ezra said as he looked at you.

"Maybe we can live in your tower, have a pet Loth cat and maybe we can visit Sabine in Mandalore too." You said hopeful.

Ezra feels guilty for what he knows he's going to do and honestly he doesn't know what to say or how to tell you that with what he's planning to do, he might not even get that future with you. So he lies with a smile instead, adding onto your fantasy, one that he's had in a while as well.

"How many Loth cats do you want? We can have as much as you want. I can even move some of my prized helmets to make more space for us." Ezra said as he closed his eyes.

"The helmets, we should put them in a nice glass case so we can admire all the helmets you've collected. And we can put your lightsaber on display." You said happily.

That was the last happy memory he had with you. The day he chose to exile himself, you were knocked unconscious during a fight, this didn't get to hear Ezra's farewell. He asked Sabine to watch over you and tell you that he loves you and that he was sorry.

After that all he's known were these creatures native to this planet. He was in exile but Thrawn found this time to rebuild and make connections with the dark mothers and the other scavengers on this planet. While he lived on the run, once again protecting these creatures that he slowly began to care for.

When Sabine arrived on the planet that she told him was called Peridea, she mentioned how he's been gone for a decade. The resistance won, the empire, the emperor and Darth Vader were all gone. Luke Skywalker brought back the Jedi Order, Leia Organa is now a senator, Hera is now a general and a mother, Kallus and Zeb are married and that she was living in his tower. It was night time already and the rest of the alien friends that Ezra had made were fast asleep. Happy as he might be hearing those life stories he asked Sabine the most important one to him.

"Where's (Y/N) now? What's she up to nowadays? Is she with someone? I mean I wouldn't mind if she was, I mean I've been gone for a decade she can do that. I mean I also just left without a goodbye an-" Sabine cut off Ezra's ramblings.

Sabine looked sullen and wracked with guilt as she looked at Ezra. He knew, he had a feeling that whatever he would hear, this wasn't going to be any good.

"Ezra, after you left, (Y/N) decided that she was going to try and find you. She searched everywhere, until Cassian Andor and her met. He recruited her into a mission to steal the blueprints of the death star." Sabine said solemnly.

"And? You said we won. I guess they succeeded then." Ezra said.

"They did. They succeeded which in turn allowed us to win, but at the cost of everyone part of that mission's lives." Sabine concluded.

Ezra felt his heart shatter. You were dead? The one who kept him sane on this planet, one of his reasons to return. You were well and truly gone? He never got to apologize to you for abandoning you. He hasn't told you how being apart from you was like losing half of himself in the process, how the sun doesn't shine as brightly. How he loves you and longs for you. Now all these words will be left unsaid.

"I'm sorry Ezra. I failed to protect her and I couldn't keep my promise." Sabine apologized, teary eyed.

And Ezra snapped out of his downward spiral. He may have lost the love of his life but for Sabine, she lost her sister, she lost the person who she considered her best friend and he hugged her.

"I'm sorry I made you relive all that." Ezra apologized.

"Don't apologize Ezra. I knew you'd ask about her. When (Y/N) died, I felt it in the force, Ahsoka did too. We felt frozen when that happened. I felt so useless. I talked to her before they executed the mission. I told her that I thought I had a lead on you and I got mad when she said that it didn't matter if I told her or not." Sabine said softly.

She wiped her tears as she looked up at the sky.

"I guess she just didn't want to tell me that it was a suicide mission. That no matter what happens, she would end up. Dead. She didn't leave a message like you did. But apparently she left letters. So once you get back, ask chopper about it." Sabine said a sad smile on her face.

"You know, it's funny how life works. I sacrificed myself so that she can find a way to live peacefully and she does the same thing. Funny how I'm still alive and she isn't." Ezra said looking up at the night sky.

Sabine let Ezra rest his head on her shoulder as he let out a deep exhale. He was saddened by the news, that wasn't really surprising. Sabine used to tell you that you and Ezra were made to be together. It's why she was so utterly devastated by your loss. She knew that if she ever found Ezra telling him about your untimely death and sacrifice would break his heart.

"You know we both moved into your tower. She arranged your helmet collection when she got enough credit to buy a nice case. She said it was her way of fulfilling both of your dreams." Sabine said trying to lighten up the mood.

"She did? I thought she'd be mad at me and throw them out or sell them." Ezra said.

"Nah, (Y/N) cared for those helmets and told me that if anyone tried to take those away from her to put on display since they made a mural of us in Lothal, she said she would steal them." Sabine said chuckling to herself.

"Oh knowing (Y/N) she would even care if people saw her stealing it. She'd say something along the lines of 'its private property and you took it' or 'is it really theft if I own it?'. She's too snarky to get caught." Ezra said with a smile.

"Word of advice, when you return to your tower in Lothal, there's a box labelled with her name on it. Inside is this really thick journal she has. It's addressed to you." Sabine said as she moved to her designated resting spot, beside her howler.

"I thought you lived in the tower?" Ezra asked.

"I did but it was more like ensuring that you'd have a familiar place to return too. Plus there's a loth cat there, use your weird animal speech thing." Sabine joked.

"Thanks Sabine." Ezra said.

When the time came for their escape from Peridea, sure he was alone in Thrawn's ship once more, as Sabine decided to stay behind with Ahsoka. A decision he accepted as he watched as his friend and someone he sees as a sister fight side by side just to get him home.

Once back to the galaxy he once left behind, he had a feeling of both excitement and happiness but also longing. He was excited to see his family. He hasn't seen Hera, Zeb, Kallus and chopper in so long and now he has a new face to see, the last link he has of his late master, Jacen. Yet he can never fully feel at home, not when a piece of him was lost forever once he learned of your demise from Sabine.

When he arrived at the resistance base, it was bittersweet. Hugging Hera felt like he was grounded back in reality. He was home, but not really. Home would've been in your arms, in his tower in Lothal, living out your days in domestic bliss. So once he's caught up with everyone, he asks Hera if he can go back to Lothal, to his tower. Hera didn't object, just led him to the ghost with Jacen chattering away. He felt happy seeing Jacen, so young and full of life. He would make for a great Jedi one day.

"We're here Ezra." Hera spoke as she opened the ship's door and lowered its ramp on Ezra's tower.

"We'll visit you often uncle Ezra!" Jacen said happily.

"If you need anything, just message us on our commlink." Hera added.

"Yeah, thanks again Hera. Take care of yourself now, okay Jacen? Don't be reckless." Ezra said trying faux seriousness.

"Of course!" Jacen said happily.

As soon as the ghost was out of sight, he entered the doors, the lock was still the same. Once inside he noticed the subtle changes. Bunk beds, a chest under the lower bunk with Sabine's things, a small bed for a loth cat, and in the far corner, next to a glass case filled with his collection of helmets was a chest with your name on it. He immediately walks towards it, opening it delicately. There he sees four journals, all labelled, for Ezra.

He opens the very first one and a soft smile graces his lips.

Sabine and I moved into your tower. We wanted to stay close to Lothal, keep it safe and also to form some roots. We have been very busy though.

Dear Ezra,

We moved into your tower, we wanted to stay close to Lothal. Watch over your home planet as much as we can. Although we have been quite busy. Since we are now formally part of the resistance, we have been taking a lot of missions. Sometime together, sometimes apart. I miss you. I wish I wasn't knocked unconscious when you left. I would have loved to hear your voice one last time. I'm not giving up though. In between missions I ask around if people have any known locations of a star whale's path. I may come up empty handed but it won't stop me from trying. I know you're out there. We'll find you. I promise.

Yours always, (Y/N).

But Ezra wanted to look for one specific letter, the one Sabine said was written before your mission with Cassian Andor. Once he picked up the last journal, he realized it only had one entry in it.

Dear Ezra,

I'm so sorry my search has been quite fruitless. Sabine and I never gave up though. I write this last entry now a few days away from our intended mission. We still need to find a certain person but by then we'll be too busy fixing our plan and I won't be able to write anymore. Something about this mission tells me that it might be our last. The blueprints of the death star are highly guarded and the planet is crawling with empire scum. Cassian told me that, he believes we can all go home. I don't really believe that. I hope you won't be too mad or upset with me. I am doing this so that we can no longer live in fear for the next day. For what the empire might do to us. I know that wherever you may be, I know that my love will reach you. I hope Sabine can continue what we started and find a way to get you back. Perhaps in another life, we could have the life that we talked about in that field. Maybe more. I would have loved to see what our future would have been like. To grow old with you, build a life together and a home. In another life, I know we would have had a happy life but I would never ask you to change. My Starboy. My Ezra. My love. My heart is yours forever and always. May the force be with you.

Forever yours, (Y/N).

Ezra clutched that journal to his chest, letting his tears fall freely down his face. He has time to read the other journals next time but for now he wishes to close his eyes and dream of a life where he never left and you lived past twenty. But he knows that you'll always be with him. In the force and in his heart. In your words, He's forever yours.

[peachblossom-odyssey]

Can’t stop thinking about an au where Luke is the Imperial prince and Ezra fell to the Dark side because of a trick by [insert villain here], he was made to believe his family had abandoned him, thrown him aside, and the despair got to him. In this world, he and Imperial Prince Luke Skywalker knew each other as enemies, often clashing on the battlefield, but they grudgingly respected one another’s skills and intelligence and even made each other grin a few times, so after the ‘betrayal’ Luke happens to come across Ezra sobbing (“What are you doing here? Come to laugh at the failed Jedi? Go on then, laugh!”) and manages to pry the story from him, and he can admit he’s furious at those stupid rebels. He’s Ezra’s enemy, but even he knows the man is a powerful adversary with unique skills who inspires hope in even the most downtrodden, and he had seen firsthand how much Ezra’s family meant to him, how much this had clearly shattered him.

It’s not even a decision really, to reach over and take Ezra’s face in his hands, thumbing his tears away and asking if Ezra has anywhere to go, if he needs a place to lay low for a bit. Ezra snarls that he’s not going to fall into an Imperial’s arms just from a little worldshaking tragedy, but he’s trembling at the gentle touch, the genuine anger in those yellow eyes, anger on his behalf. He knew that there was some sliver of good in Prince Skywalker, had seen it in the way he interacted with children and maintained a sense of honor, and it’s these things plus the pure honesty he senses in the Force that make him feel just safe enough to take Luke’s hand.

That and those fierce golden eyes that looked at him like he was worth a damn.

Time passes, they talk, they get to know each other, Ezra finds himself growing protective of Luke, finds himself naturally taking on the role of bodyguard and right hand, having a severe crisis of identity as he realizes that his feelings for Luke are becoming a problem. Likewise, what Luke first saw as an opportunity has swiftly become a turning point in his life because now he can no longer imagine a world without Ezra Bridger at his side, laughing and joking and lightening the heavy burdens that came with being the son of Darth Vader. It all comes to a head one day when Ezra kills a rebel or four to protect Luke, and as he stands there in horror realizing just how far he’s fallen, Luke cups his face with a big warm sincere smile and tells him he did good, that he saved his life, that’s he’s so proud of him, that Ezra is so so good and Luke is so lucky to have found him.

Luke asks Ezra to officially become his right hand, his personal Inquisitor, free to be whoever he wants, answering to no one but Luke. The only rule being to stay by his side forever.

Ezra accepts.

There’s no going back after that, not for Luke, and certainly not for Ezra. Kanan didn’t want him, his family chose Kanan over him, he didn’t really have any other friends, he’d never really fit the mold of a Jedi… might as well give himself over to the Dark. To Luke. At least he could have affection and love, even if unreciprocated. (It’s absolutely reciprocated, Luke is literally crazy about him, possessive and obsessed and completely adoring, but Ezra doesn’t know that)

Years later Luke is quickly gaining power and Ezra is an ever-present shadow at his side, always ready with an easy smile and a sly glint in his blue-yellow eyes, the only one who has the Imperial Prince’s complete and absolute trust. He lounges in the rafters and vents while Luke does important Empire business, he sits on the edge of Luke’s throne and sharpens knives when Luke is negotiating, he props his feet up in Luke’s lap and laughs at the shock and outrage it earns him, especially from Luke’s family. If Ezra isn’t there, Luke is always visibly more quiet and tetchy, to the point where petitioners will call ahead to ask if the Prince’s strange little shadow will be present before coming in.

Ezra takes a special sort of joy in disrupting the plans of the Ghost crew, taunting them and challenging them and getting really angry whenever they ‘pretend’ to have no idea why he suddenly turned to the Dark side, why he turned against them. They want Ezra back so badly, they think Luke did something to him, corrupted his mind or something, why else would he be so loyal? Why else would he say things like “Guess you shouldn’t have thrown me away” and “If I wasn’t enough for you, that’s your problem, not mine”.

Also a side plot where a near death experience has Luke paranoid about Ezra’s safety and he ends up hiring Din Djarin to guard him, much to Ezra’s annoyance. It starts off with Din being stoically silent and Ezra constantly needling him, but the relationship softens as Din takes his job seriously and starts to look after Ezra’s health and sanity instead of just his body, as Ezra starts to make a game out of getting any kind of reaction from Din (“Oooh, a slight exhale, that’s practically a guffaw from you, Din!”) and Luke starts taking a personal interest in keeping Din happy and loyal while also taking time to train his adorable kid, and maybe at first he’s jealous of Din for making Ezra so happy, for edging in on what they have, but then Ezra insists on them getting to know each other and Luke finds that Din is actually very pleasant company and they bond over their affection for Ezra, and Din finds out that the coldly beautiful prince has a kind heart and genuine desire to make the galaxy a better place, even with the Empire’s methods.

The three of them end up as The power trio of the Empire and also a polycule and Grogu gets three dads for the price of one

[fellthemarvelous]

The Jedi got their own Doctor as well.

I haven't written fanfic in years but I might actually write this.

The unhinged, slightly incoherent Doctor Who/Star Wars crossover meta-ish long post no one asked for

Ahsoka season 2 needs to give me the backstory between Ahsoka and Huyang. How did they find each other? Was it after Ezra rescued her on Malachor? Was it before that? We have no idea what she was doing leading up to those events because she only showed up on Rebels for a handful of episodes.

And the last time we saw Huyang, he and Ahsoka and the younglings were having to deal with space pirates (HONDOOOOOO) and then General Grievous. Ahsoka was much younger in that time and we never saw Huyang again after that.

At what point in canon did they run into each other again? I think he's the only one who knows that Anakin = Vader based on a cryptic reply he gave to Hera when she asked him what Ahsoka's master was like. All he said was intense.

He's so used to Ahsoka's chaotic nature that every time she's like "I'm gonna do the thing" he's just like yeah okay because he's been dealing with the Jedi for 25,000 years and they are going to yeet themselves into the unknown whether he thinks it's a good idea or not. He remembers what Anakin Skywalker was like, after all.

This is one of my favorite things about Huyang's "history" though.

The idea that even the Jedi have their own version of the 10th Doctor is hilarious to me, and that rumor started somewhere.

But I also love what another droid says about Huyang in this passage.

Huyang is 25,000 years old so he's had plenty of time to become the one the Jedi go to when it comes to lightsaber construction. He helps the Jedi build weapons that are meant to be used as tools of self-defense because lightsabers are, in fact, extremely dangerous. This sounds like something the Doctor would do because the Jedi were peacekeepers and not soldiers, and it makes you sad when you realize that Huyang had to watch as the order he had devoted himself to for 25,000 years to were killed in a genocide that turned the Jedi's closest allies against them by removing their free will and forcing them to kill their Jedi generals, and it was all planned over centuries by the Sith who intentionally kept their numbers small.

When he ran into Ahsoka again, what was it like for him? She was one of the few survivors of the Jedi Purge. He remembers her as a child and now she's in her 40s. She was one of the few who was able to grow up because she survived.

What was going on in his head when he handed Ezra the emitter he was looking for because he somehow knew Ezra was looking for one like Kanan's? Huyang somehow knew it would be important to keep a second identical part around when he watched Caleb Dume (Kanan Jarrus) construct his very first lightsaber.

How much does Kanan's death weigh on him? Kanan was another child who survived the Purge. He met Kanan as Caleb not many years before the war ended and the Jedi were wiped out. Caleb had to change his name because he watched the clones gun down his master and he ran away exactly like she told him to before she died. Running away is what lead him to sacrificing his life so the rebellion would survive. Kanan fell in love with Hera, fathered a child he never got to meet, and now Huyang is getting to know Kanan's son (and will absolutely not be teaching Jacen how to construct a lightsaber "thank you very much your mom already said no" and the Tenth Doctor is used to angry moms slapping him in the face.)

Huyang spent 25,000 years living in one galaxy and teaching generation after generation of Jedi how to construct lightsabers. He was given the title of Professor because of the wealth of knowledge he carries around inside of him, and he only uses it for good, and he shares insightful wisdom and knowledge with the Jedi Order century after century after century.

And because he followed Ahsoka into the mouth of a space whale so they could travel to a completely different galaxy altogether, he is now stuck in another galaxy far, far away with Ahsoka (present), Sabine (future), Baylon Skoll (past), Shin Hati (new), a bunch of pacifist turtles, the force ghost of Anakin Skywalker, and the images of the Father, Daughter and Son that are carved into the mountains somewhere (and for some reason the Daughter's head is missing).

Now he can pass the tale of the Jedi across the universe. On the same planet where the Mortis gods are worshipped. It's going to link directly to the fact that Ahsoka is connected to the Daughter, both of whom were killed by the Son on Mortis, but Daughter allowed Anakin to use her remaining life force to bring Ahsoka back to life.

Is this going to turn into the story of how Huyang has to say goodbye to Ahsoka Tano, former Jedi and survivor who became a dear friend and travel buddy?

Is Seatos calling her back home? She possesses a gift that comes from an actual god. It's the only reason she's alive. And why Ezra had to reach into the past and save her from dying on Malachor at the hands of Vader. It would have tied the light side of the Force to a Sith temple.

There is only one other person Ahsoka shares such a strong bond with, and that's Captain Rex (is he alive, is he dead, if he died offscreen I am going to fucking sue Disney). Yeah I know he's old now, but he deserves a proper send-off. The Clone Wars was, as Dave Filoni has said, a story about Ahsoka Tano and Captain Rex. Captain Rex is her best friend and the one who was standing by her side when the Clone Wars ended. Neither of them would have survived without the other.

Ahsoka knew there was no way she would be able to save the other clones, but she refused to be the one who killed them. She couldn't do it. They might have all shared a face but all of them were unique and important to her, and she could never ask Rex to save her life by killing them. It made getting out a lot more difficult because the clones were able to just get back up again and start fighting a few minutes later since Rex was only stunning them. (Interesting how that happened on Seatos too but this time because the troopers were zombies.)

Ezra was able to escape Seatos in Thrawn's ship but Ahsoka, Sabine and Huyang got left behind.

Did Rex even find out Ahsoka was alive after she came back from Malachor? If so, this means he's losing her yet again. For the fourth time in their lives. If not, then he's still on his third time (which was Malachor).

Also interesting how he was found on a planet in the Seelos system, and it was just a barren wasteland like Tatooine. Seatos and Seelos sound alike. Satine and Sabine sound alike and were both Mandalorian. How Sabine built a deadly weapon called The Duchess when she was being trained by the Empire that was able to disintegrate soldiers wearing Mandalorian armor, and it was named after Satine, the pacifist who turned Mandalore into a peaceful planet. And ironically now it's at peace because the Mandalorians were wiped out after the fall of the Empire. And think about how the clones all came from the DNA of Jango Fett, a Mandalorian bounty hunter with blue and silver armor (and described as genetically perfect specimen by the Kaminoans).

Huyang is watching all of this unfold, but he's so old that it's just one of countless adventures he's been on, only this time he bonded with a former Jedi after a war that devastated their order completely. He might be a droid, but he's also more than that. He's ancient and wise and found a friend in Ahsoka Tano, the one who is imbued with the life force of a god and comes from a lineage that stands out above the others because it's the lineage of the Sith as well.

And as Huyang has now famously said...

How is it all going to end? If he is the Doctor, how did he become a droid too?

One day I might write a long ass fic about this if I ever have the energy to do so.

[pedroshotwifey]

Christmas Countdown Day 22 - Ezra Prospect

Vulnerable

Pairing: Ezra x ...Vine/Tentacle creature?

Word count: 1.2k

Tags/Warnings: smut, dub-con, non-con at first, anal (m), oral (m), urethral sounding, restraints, implied drugging, ball play, subby ezra vibes, getting jerked off ig lmao, monster fucking, aphrodisiac something, wifey clearly being on something tonight, stuff im forgetting

Summary: Ezra falls into a pit and is taken by a pleasurable creature

A/N: Jumped on the vine train lmao. This is filthy y'all, but I kinda love it. I've never written a fic that wasn't x reader before, so this was pretty fun! hope you enjoy!

***

Ezra has no idea how he got into a situation as detrimental as this in such a short time. One second he was digging around an aurelac sac, and the next, the ground was falling out from under him. 

He lets out a shout as he prepares for impact against a hard, solid surface. His one hand coming out to soften the fall, if only a little bit. Darkness swallows him quickly, the light from this planet’s three suns growing farther and farther away as he flails uselessly mid-air. 

When he finally does meet the bottom of what he can only assume to be an underground cave, the surface surprises him by having a soft, almost bouncy quality. It knocks the breath out of him nevertheless, and leaves him gasping for air as he panics to scan his new surroundings. 

The tentacles come quick, slithering out of damp crevices and from the soft ground below him. In the midst of his struggle, he barely even notices until he feels something tugging the hem of his pants from out of his boots. 

He kicks his leg out, attempting to shoo the slimy vine away, but it’s persistent. He furrows his brows as he adjusts more to the darkness of the cave, now able to get a better look at the creature. 

It’s a deep purple, a slimy substance coating the outside of it, thick, long, and tapering to a dull but pointed tip. There’s some kind of suction at the belly of it, which is helping it pull at the fabric of his pants. 

“You quit that!”

He reaches his hand out to grab it, but as soon as he lays a finger on it, he’s submerged once again into the ground. Well, what he thought was the ground. 

The tentacles that had been holding him up suddenly give away slightly, just enough to lower him into their grasp to get a better hold on him. They all crowd him at once, crawling up his arm, slithering up his legs, wrapping around his neck. 

His body thrashes as he starts to yell again, but he’s quickly silenced by another vine wrapping around his lower face and over his mouth, effectively cutting off any noise. He’s already in a massive panic, but once the tentacles start to creep into his clothes, he goes haywire. 

He squirms and kicks as much as humanly possible as the tentacles begin to tear the fabric, leaving him bare within a few seconds. Tears spring to his eyes as he’s suddenly exposed to the creature. 

A sob is stifled in his throat as the vines explore his vulnerable body freely. Two of them snake below his armpits to suction onto a nipple apiece. He goans at the intense feeling, which is apparently only a distraction. 

He quickly feels another creep lower to his softened cock, and his hips buck as it twirls itself around it, giving more suction as it tugs ever so slightly. Not long after, he feels another at his ass, pushing in and making him wince. 

It slips easily with the lube it provides itself, but it’s still a feeling much more foreign than his fingers. It curls up and pushes deeper until it’s filling him as much as it can. His cock twitches in the creatures grasp at all the stimulation he’s receiving, and he can feel his face go hot as he blushes. 

He should not be enjoying this, he knows in his mind that he can’t be with the way tears start to slip down his cheeks—but his body disagrees. 

He’s spread eagle, unable to move as the vines defile him, sucking and prodding and tugging in all the right places. 

His dick is starting to harden as a soaked tentacle pumps him, simulating something akin to a warm cunt. A moan tumbles from him, only to be blocked by the limb covering his lips. 

The vibration from his attempted groan prompts the creature to pull back from his mouth, only to stick the tip between his lips, pushing into him to fill him there too. It releases a sweet tasting substance, which immediately makes him feel more relaxed. 

His body feels weak but calm as he suddenly surrenders to the monster supporting him. Ezra’s eyes roll to the back of his head despite himself as he gets lost in the pleasure. 

The creature toys with his dick, two more tentacles coming out to swirl around the tip of him, and to cup his balls, sucking slightly there too. The one in his mouth swirls around in tandem with the one in his ass, which is currently poking his prostate and making his cock weep. 

His hips jut out by accident, but the feeling it creates is so pleasurable that he experiments with it once more, quickly getting addicted to the wet grasp of this monster. He thrusts forward and back, fucking himself on the vine behind him as best he can while simultaneously grinding into the one in front. 

He knows so deeply that this is wrong, wants to hate himself for giving in so easily, but how can he not? He feels feral as he allows the tentacles to move as they want, easily submitting to their every move.

He absentmindedly begins to suck on the one in his mouth, not realizing as he chases the feeling of his orgasm coming up. Just when he thinks he can’t feel more full, another slim vine is coming up to prod at the slit of his cock, breaching the hole there and slowly slithering in. 

It’s a new feeling, and he tries to get away at first, but it slowly starts to bring him more pleasure. The sounds of him whining desperately are absolutely absurd, especially mixed with the squelching noises coming from various areas of his body. 

He chooses to ignore that for now, not wanting to get caught in the shame of his actions right now. It’s as if his brain has shut off for a few minutes, and he’s planning to take full advantage. 

He feels a pull in his lower abdomen, a familiar feeling that signals his impending orgasm. He groans and whimpers frantically as his hips pick up speed, the suctions cups around his nipples growing more intense. 

He feels the vine in his ass prod against his prostate again, and the one around his balls give a gentle squeeze. At the same time, the vine in his dick pulls itself out, and it’s over. He’s immediately cumming, harder than he ever has in his life. He moans around the creature in his mouth, his eyes squeezing shut as he rides out his ever-lasting high. 

When he comes down, it’s literal, as the monster is slowly lowering him back to the soft bed he landed on earlier. His mind is hazy as he starts to come back to himself, confused as to everything that just happened. 

He blinks, and he’s halfway back to the surface, being lifted by the vines once again. Blinks again, and he’s being set down. He is left quickly at ground level, dizzy and exposed to the unforgiving planet.

****

Thank you for reading! I would love to know what y'all thought about this fic. Should I write more like this, or stick to x reader?

Lmk if you want to join the countdown taglist!

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Link to prompt list

[grogusmum]

APRIL: Budding Moon

SELKIE!EZRA X F!READER

WORD COUNT: 800ish

RATED: T

SUMMARY: Ezra tells his precious pearl about his first love, a young sailor. This takes place after part 5 series masterlist

WARNING: EXCESSIVE USE OF NICKNAMES Selkie Ezra can't be stopped, he is a menace to my heart. mentions of pregnancy. That's about it.

A/N: Here is the April installment of The Wheel of the Year, my theme for @yearofcreation2023, in May, many apologies! May's installment will be posted before the month is out.

Organized by the effervescent @oonajaeadira and @writeforfandoms According to some European folklore, April’s full moon is a time of transformation and metamorphosis. It is said that during this time, witches and other magical creatures were able to shape-shift and take on new forms. Well, I couldn't resist playing in that sandbox!

Gaelic translations

Mo stór - my treasure

Mo stóirín - my little treasure

Mo fhíorghrá – my true love

Mo ghrá – my love

Mo mhuirnín dílis - “my own true love” or “my faithful darling

“Tell me of your first love, Ezra.”

“So young were we, my moonbeam. I was seven years in my seal coat, and he was so beautiful, a sailor… our time together was short but full.”

“Will you tell me?” You snuggle beside Ezra in your soft bed, your new home on Roan Inish, like a cocoon.

Yes, you have visits from family and you love nothing more than your time with Cee, but there are days on end where it is just the two of you, growing closer as new life grows within your belly.

“It is an age-old tale, mo stór (mu store), saved him from drowning, his boat tossed by the sea, caught in a storm to beat all. When I got him on land, I could not leave him. I took off my pelt for the first time since my transformation. It didn hurt. It never hurts, but I was quite overwhelmed. I hollered and near cried at the sight of my human form. I was just a boy, barely 14 when I was changed and then I was suddenly a man. The seal pays much less mind of such things, my Pearl.”

"My own? How did-" Confusion etches your features, "the tears? He didn't call you."

"So young and impetuous! Offered one transformation without tears. Used it up first chance I got. I wonder how things might have been different if I had waited..."

You look at one another, mapping what could have been-

"What was he called?"

“Angus," Ezra smiles fondly.

You hummed your approval-

"A handsome sailor named Angus? Didn't stand a chance. I would have taken my pelt off too."

"Not a ghost of a chance!" Ezra chuckles, kissing your forehead, pleased you understand. "Well, this fine sailor lay prone in the sand while I had myself a right fit, and when I tired myself out, I laid myself right down next to him and fell asleep. When I woke, he had covered my vulnerable person in his peacoat. But he was gone. My pelt safely tucked under me," Ezra pauses here to allow for the weight to settle.

"Good man," you nod.

"I soon found myself clothes to cover my wicked nakedness," Ezra cheekily nudges. "And went to return his coat. It took some time to find him. He was son of the lighthouse operator.”

“Did he know what you were? Did he know what you had done for him?”

“Slow down a tick, mo ghrá (mu graw) – It was not he who came to the door but his mother, I told her my intention to return his coat. Now then, as much as today, a young man calling on another with smitten eyes is sorely frowned upon, to say the least. And I don know if you have noticed this about me, Moonbeam, but I have great difficulty keeping my feelings under wraps.”

Ezrs noses your cheek with a smile. You curve further into him, hooking a leg around his and scoff lovingly-

“You?”

“Hard to believe, I know. She saw right through me, like I was made of onion skin. Ran me off. But my sailor saw the exchange from his window and found me later.”

“He didn’t”

“He did.”

“Did he love you as quickly as I loved you?”

Ezra looks at you with hesitation.

“When did you know you loved him?”

“Moonbeam.”

“It’s alright, I want to know. I know you have a big heart, and that you have loved others as much as you love me.”

Ezra gently takes your chin between his thumb and first finger, leveling your eyes with his.

“I have loved. Tis true, but my shining pearl, I have loved none as I love you.”

“Not even your beautiful sailor, Angus?”

“He was close, I dare not deny it. He was a close second. He took me to a boat house to talk. Yes, he knew what I was the moment he saw me on the beach. And twas I who pulled him from Lir’s fathoms. He kissed me in thanks. And I dare say to stop was an arduous task, once we started. We continued to meet surreptitiously.”

“Is it the same, loving a man? As loving a woman?”

“Love is love, of course, mo stóirín (mu storeen). But if I were to consider it the same, I would be guilty of being woefully inattentive to so many wonderments. Though putting a finger on it is no easy thing. There is a particular beauty and energy that men display and the same for women, and of course, there are those that defy those expectations and, well, that is just thrilling…”

“Our feelings grew, we would steal away, charting one anothers vestiges, discovering the bliss each location had to offer," Ezra runs his deft fingers along the dips and swells of your body, eyes on yours, searching for any sign discomfort in hearing about his past lover. He finds only interest and warmth and rubs his cheek on yours. Suddenly, his eyes turn sad-

"By and by, it became difficult for him to explain his disappearances. And of course a sailor must return to the sea.”

“So must a selkie,” your voice is smaller than you intended.

"Mo mhuirnín dílis (mu voor-neen deelish) I will convince you yet..."

Ezra wraps around you, pulling you impossibly close, filling in any space between you. The firelight flickering in his soft eyes. "There is no power that could pull us asunder, save were you ever to wish it."

You lay there quietly, fingers skating his cheek, chin, his brow, the slope of his nose.

"Never, Mo fhíorghrá (moh hear-graw), never, I sooner turn selkie myself."

THANK YOU FOR READING 💚

For more selkie Ezra or any of my writing, you can find my masterlist here, and if you care to be tagged for future fics, follow this link to my handy dandy taglist form!

[femmefighter]

For the star wars fave/least fave thing!

1, 3, 8, and 19?

Ohhhhh, so many questions. I’m excited to get my teef into these!

Favourite/Least Favourite Movie

Someone else beat you to this punch, so just the short answers.

Favourite: Rogue One

Least Favourite: Solo

3. Favourite/Least Favourite TV show episodes.

Omg, I’m not sticking to just one!! I kinda need to break this all down to the different series. Sorry Andor, you get enough love from everyone else that I'm gonna skip over you. And sorry Book of Boba Fett, I haven't invested enough energy to know you better yet to have strong opinions.

The Mandalorian.

Favourites: Yes I’m giving myself two answers here. Firstly, the Foundling. I love seeing how Bo-Katan goes about fitting in with the Children of the Watch, working out how to live their lifestyle, but then also still showing off her natural leadership qualities and her tenacity. Also, we get the shoulder touch. So fucking gay. Inject that straight (queerly) into my veins.

The second fave is The Jedi. I hadn’t watched any of the animation series before Mando S2, and when she came onto my screen, I sat up and paid attention. Ahsoka Tano, my blorbo beloved. I needed to know everything about her after watching that episode. Cue brainrot.

Least Favourite: Probably the Passenger. Felt like another filler episode. The typical “you only get to progress in the storyline if you fulfil this side quest” was growing old on me by this stage. Plus, giant spiders on an ice planet. Ick. No thanks. And Grogu eating the Frog Lady’s babies, UUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Ahsoka series.

Favourite: Time to Fly. It gave me tension-filled Sokabine. It gave me Jacen Syndulla. It gave me Ahsoka doing unhinged stuff like going outside her ship in space to fight off attackers. It gave me Sabine’s gay-panic face. It gave me purrgil. It gave me Huyang being an honest arsehole. It gave me Sabine losing a fight to a cup. I’m more than willing to overlook the completely stupid storyline writing for Hera’s subplot for everything else that episode did give me.

Least favourite: Far, Far Away. Not enough Ahsoka in this episode. And no Hera. So that instantly makes me sad. Also Sabine is written so poorly in this (no shade at Natasha for it, she did well for the poor hand she was dealt). Sabine’s smart, and yet all episode she’s just being all “where’s Ezra?” Smart Sabine wouldn't be standing at her prison door, banging on it and yelling about some deal that can't be fulfilled yet anyway because they aren't even on the fkn planet yet. Smart Sabine would be taking in her situation so much better. She'd be finding air vents to sneak into, so that even if she couldn't escape through them, she'd know the layout of the ship for whenever the New Republic might come up to fight against it. She’s be coming up with a plan to get Ezra and herself back home again once she’s let loose or makes a gaol break. She’d be stealing another TIE fighter with decent scanner equipment and faster travel, not being given a cowardly howler to search an entire planet that Ezra’s been hiding on for ten years on foot. They did her intelligence a massive disservice this episode. Also wasn’t a fan with how contemptuous they made Thrawn of Baylan and the Jedi in general. Chiss culture has a certain reverence for Force-wielders, and even though Kanan and Ezra were the enemies of Thrawn throughout Rebels, he always showed a level of respect towards them. Actually, Thrawn was pretty poorly written for the whole damn show. Bring Tim Zahn to the table to write the character properly, I beg you.

The Clone Wars

Favourite: The Phantom Apprentice. NGL, the last half of season seven of The Clone Wars was peak Star Wars. Fight me. But with this episode in particular, that fight sequence between Ahsoka and Maul, the dialogue leading up to it, the tension and shadow hanging over the entire episode? Perfection. It makes me believe Anakin’s fall so much more, in that Ahsoka’s absence from the events of The Revenge of the Sith speaks more to Anakin’s emotional isolation and manipulation to turn on the Jedi.

Least favourite: Can’t really say a particular episode. There were a number of filler ones that I just yawned through. There was one that focused on Anakin and Padme’s relationship, that was probably my least enjoyable. I get that their relationship was toxic/fucked up/doomed to fail, I don’t want to see more of it. Gives me the ick.

Rebels

Favourite: Twilight of the Apprentice. I get Maul back. Ahsoka is a badass. Kanan is a legend. I cry like a bitch at the end of it. But Ahsoka’s not actually dead either. Wins all round for me.

Also, Hera’s Heroes. Where we get a real introduction to Thrawn. I love his assessment of her. The respect, the admiration, that he has for his enemy. How he sees her as a worthy opponent.

“War, it's all you've ever know, isn't it? You were so young when you survived the Clone Wars, no wonder you're as equipped in spirit to fight as well as you do. War is in your blood. I studied the art of war, worked to perfect it, but you? You were forged by it.”

Gives me shivers. I really hope they do future Thrawn vs Hera justice in upcoming movies/shows, but I know I shouldn’t hold my breath…

Least favourite: Jedi Knight. It was an amazing episode. I don’t think I’ve watched any Star Wars (with perhaps the exception of Rogue One) that’s managed to pull such unexpected emotion out of me. And for that reason, I cannot bring myself to watch it again. I dunno. Maybe one day when I’m feeling emotionally robust. RIP Kanan. You deserved such a heroic death, but you also deserved to live. Fuck you, Governor Pryce.

8. Favourite/Least Favourite Concept

Favourite: That the Force is in everyone. (Yes, even you!) It frustrates me that fandom miss the point of there being a difference between Force-wielding and Force-sensitivity. Anyone can use the Force, but those who are selected to train as Jedi from a young age have a natural ability to wield it, because if you don’t have that natural ability, tapping into it and wielding it is hard. Even those with natural aptitude for the Force find it hard! Ezra Bridger? Force sensitive. Had the abilities from a young age, and just required mentorship/guidance on how to best connect with and use them. Sabine Wren? She has the Force sensitivity of a sandwich. She is not Force-sensitive. Which is why Kanan didn’t ‘pick up on Sabine’s Force sensitivity’, because she didn’t have any! She was just a stubborn woman who decided she wanted to try the seemingly impossible and found a master who was unhinged enough as her to try it too. I think a lot more people could use the lesson from her story, about persistence, patience and hard work paying off. Anywho, end rant there.

Least favourite. That ‘falling to the dark side’ is somehow freeing/a good thing/something to strive for. I hate how they made Osha Aniseya seem like she’d achieved some kind of ‘enlightenment’ from having just killed her father figure, abandoning her sister to have her memory wiped, and teaming up with some attractive stranger who had just murdered a bunch of her friends. It wasn’t enlightenment. It was manipulation. STFU.

19. Favourite/Least Favourite Outfit

Favourite: Live-action Ahsoka’s outfits. Yes, even that poncho that hides her gorgeous deltoids from view. It looks so damn cosy. I love that those outfits give those tiny, tantalising hints of skin whilst still being modest and practical. They’re minimalistic in a way a Fulcrum operative would be, but with some random personal touches that we don’t fully understand yet (Like those beads at her belt. Are they meant to be her old padawan braid? Or Sabine’s padawan braid? Are they just rhythm beads? It’s anyone’s guess at this stage!) But mostly, she just looks comfortable. And since owning both the Adidas wrestling shoes from her white outfit and the Tabi shoes from her dark one, I can attest that they are so damn comfortable whilst also feeling like I could run over any terrain or kick some bad guys’ butts. I’m totally here for it.

Also, Mother Aniseya’s outfit. There’s just so much damn detail to that garb. The fabric. The layers. I love it. Also looks like it would be a cosplayer’s nightmare.

Least favourite: This is probably going to get me cancelled, but I must speak my truth. Leia’s first outfit, the white robe. The "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi" one. It looks like a bedsheet. There. I said it. I don’t mind the whole idea of a plain white dress that covers her up, I just hate whatever fabric they used. How it hangs. Just screams worn-out bedsheet. And fuck trying to keep that thing clean.

Also, the padawan boob-tube. ‘Soka, babes. Just no. This isn’t Friday night discoteca. This is the military. Put your teenage midriff away and go find yourself something with pockets. You’ll need them.

[parkezra]

✨ hello, beautiful citizens of jongnorp! ✨ how the hell are ya?! my name's ryan (h/h, 25+) and i'm so thrilled to finally be posting one of my eight muses' (yes, i know... i know 😅) intros! first up is one of my all-time favorites, ezra park! he's currently working as an influencer who mostly creates fashion, lifestyle, social commentary, and makeover content, but he'll be expanding his résumé with exciting new projects very soon! 👀 below, you'll find a quick breakdown of his life, as well as bits and pieces of his personality. please 💖 this if you'd like to plot!

1.

to keep things simple, he was born and raised to a rather liberal family in queens, nyc. both his parents made good money, he felt very supported, loved, and accepted, and honestly speaking, he had a rather idyllic childhood. i've written this muse before, but in this update of him, i wanted to give him a less grim upbringing.

however, his brighter history has created new flaws. being that he grew up in a rather privileged environment, it's made him ignorant to many things, and upon moving to seoul, he's been hit in the face with plenty of life's harsh realities. he's on his own now (for the most, part, anyway—his older half-brother is also in seoul), he's starting a career for himself, and it's his first time in a part of the world that's dramatically more conservative than the safe haven he surrounded himself in back home.

is he losing his mind? sort of, but he's doing keep his feet on the ground. he'd love it if you joined him on this new journey he's on!

2.

ezra park is a hedonist. he's someone who'll never say no to another drink, or a second slice of cake, or going home wrapped around the arm of a handsome someone. he's over-indulgent like that, and substantially sensual, as well. he's someone who will catch a man's attention by eye-fucking him across the room, then moments later, appearing only to whisper the most delicate compliment in his ear; hoping that the sweet scent of his breath and the feeling of it ghosting along the other's skin is enough to reel him in for a night of fun.

if there is one thing that ezra park values, it's beauty. why else would he host a show on his channel that highlights attractive men from around the city, mostly by giving them makeovers? why else would he be teaching people how to upgrade their closet with clothing that accentuates their best features? why else would he be interested in ensuring that he never leaves the house looking anything other than immaculate? however, he realizes that, like most things, beauty is subjective, and he aches to discover what others find people, too.

ezra park is an individual, much to the chagrin of his grandparents' home country. he's still not gotten used to the stares of his elders whenever he enters public transit, or the glares he receives from his peers when he's a little too "flamboyant" in a public space, but he likes to think he's learning how to comfortably coexist in a place that doesn't fully understand him. after all, that's kind of all he can do. he made the choice to learn about his heritage and expand his career by relocating, and it's a choice he has to live with now. at least for the foreseeable future.

3.

ezra has a show on his youtube channel where he gives handsome men from around the city (often male models, drag queens, and less often men from off-the-street) to interview and give makeovers to. he asks them questions about growing up in korea, and the knowledge they have on queer individuals, and their opinions on certain topics. in addition to this, he also hosts queer people of korea to ask them, specifically, about their experiences living in the country; hoping to shed awareness on stories told by marginalized voices. these could work as connections!

he's been in the city since february of last year, so it's been around a year and he's likely made some friends! maybe they could be your muses?

he's also likely slept around with plenty of men. he's no stranger to jongtaewon, and even hongdae, so if your muses frequent these areas, they've likely ran into him or ended up in his bed.

does your muse watch his content? do they love it? hate it? have them tell him! it'll be a fun time either way!

i'm honestly down for any and all connections, and this is already so long, so let's come up with something incredible together! 🥺💖

[rodechi]

2024

I was debating for a while whether or not to write a midyear checkpoint for 2024. A lot has changed for me, and yet I feel most of my biggest prospects lie ahead of me still. But I feel that reflecting on where I am and how I got here is a good practice, nonetheless.

I kinda skimmed over it in my last post on here, but I would be remiss to not acknowledge the biggest change in my life: my relationship. I've written in the past about how I met Spowte, how things blossomed, how very lucky I felt being with him. I thought things could get no better. And yet, on November 11th, Spowte would do a stream that basically changed the course of my life.

It was a silly premise. Spowte, a novice artist; and Ica, who had lots of experience under his belt. The pair would be given prompts (mostly from Spowte's stream audience) and challenged to do sketches in Microsoft Paint in a 5-minute time limit. And of course, while they were focused on their work, it would be my job to be in the voice chat with them both to be a time-keeper and to run crowd-work -- to read chat for them, do bits and comedy to fill the downtime, and just be good company. It was a goofy stream filled with lots of laughter and fun. I remember going to bed happy that night.

Nearly a week later I woke up to a longer-than-average message from Ica. He told me how he had had such a fun time, and in wake of some bouts of self-discovery, he had come to the realization that he had a crush on Spowte... and me. I was honestly surprised. I didn't know how to process it at first. He said it wasn't anything he was going to pursue in a particularly serious fashion, but since he and I were both going to MFF and our friend group overlapped so much, he just wanted to let us know beforehand to prevent any awkwardness.

On the topic of MFF: not particularly long prior to this development with Ica, I had been invited to a group chat with a couple friends, one of whom was another bird I knew (but not very well), Ezra. We tried to make plans for the convention and talked about a lot of stuff we wanted to do. The conversation also naturally led to us talking about how things were going in our lives and relationships, and we got to know each other better. Before too long, I found myself having a measure of fondness for Ezra, so I kept up conversation with them outside of that chat, excited to have a new old friend.

Ezra was also a friend of Ica, and so when Ica confessed to Spowte and me, I talked to Ezra about it. They told me they had been crushing on Ica. Invigorated by the earlier news, I decided to let Ezra know I had a crush on them in addition. And so, whereas I went to bed the night before with 1 love in my heart, the very next night I went to bed with 3 in there instead. Before too long I found myself realizing just how deep that affection ran and, after some introspection and conversation with Spowte, we agreed to explore polyamory.

My life since then has been a blur in all the best ways. It hasn't always been perfect. There were growing pains of it being the first relationship like this for most of us, but patience and a LOT of honest communication always won the day.

A few months back we all met up and spent a week at an AirBNB together. It was genuinely the coziest time of my life and the safest and most loved I've ever felt.

I'll spare too many details, but I wanted to devote this post overall to these wonderful dorks who make my every day so much better and filled with both love and light.

To Spowte, who always cheers me on and gives me direction when I'm lost.

To Ica, who always makes me smile and gives me strength when I'm weak.

To Ezra, who always reads me like a book and gives me comfort when I'm upset.

Genuinely, I could not ask for a better group to spend my every day with. My first thoughts when I wake are of you, as are my last when I fall asleep. And all between, my thoughts are always of you and the immeasurable love I have for you.

Thank you for being you.

[rebelsofshield]

Star Wars Ahsoka: "Dreams and Madness" - Review

Ahsoka's penultimate chapter is a fun and action packed outing that delights even as it does relatively little with plot or character.

As the New Republic debates Hera Syndulla's future, Ahsoka and Huyang arrive at the ancient world of Peridia in the hopes of rescuing their friends and preventing Thrawn's return to the galaxy at large.

I remarked last week that Eman Esfandi's portrayal of Ezra Bridger felt like a pitch perfect adaptation of the character's beloved appearance in Star Wars Rebels. In many ways, "Dreams and Madnesss" feels like an extended episode of Rebels. We get lots and lots of big flashy set pieces, cute alien sidekicks, heroic banter, Admiral Thrawn scheming in the backdrop, and even a somewhat optimistic ending.

In a way, it feels like writer and showrunner Dave Filoni is throwing a bone to fans of these characters and providing the fun, light on its feet outing that many have been missing in the long five years since Rebels' conclusion. And for much of its runtime, "Dreams and Madness" (which may be the most strangely titled outing that this series has had so far) serves up a healthy serving of flashy sci-fi spectacle. There's daring chases through alien minefields, a great chase sequence of bandits riding on Howler's trying to attack the adorable Noti in their shell-mobile-homes, and, of course, a marathon of Stormtrooper smashing, blasting, and slicing. Our heroes think of creative ways to outwit their enemies and even when things seem dire, they come out on top with a smile. Director Geeta Vasant Patel keeps the action moving and the pacing light and things never once feel like they are dragging their feet.

There's likely a reason this week's episode is so relatively lean and playful. It seems very likely that Filoni and the rest of Ahsoka's creative team are allowing us one glimpse of joy before letting all of this week's optimism shatter in what seems to be a very dramatic and eventful finale. I mean, floating beneath Ezra and Sabine's interactions is the true nature of how she found her way to Peridea and the revelation that Ezra's many years long sacrifice is about to be undone. This is all speculation of course. It feels like the right storytelling move to justify why an episode so late in the season should feel so relatively shallow and lacking in consequence, but we can't know for sure until we actually have seen what is to follow. As it stands, "Dreams and Madness" just has to be accepted at face-value: fun but in the end uninterested in really pushing its characters or narrative.

The one area where this doesn't seem to be the case is with our two Dark Side mercenaries, Baylan Skoll and Shin Hati. Here, Baylan abandons Shin, announcing that his true mission must take him elsewhere. There's no room for his apprentice's ambition and lofty goals of ruling as part of Thrawn's resurgent Empire in Baylan's vision. It's a relatively unceremonious parting which in a way makes Shin's confusion and uneasy behavior throughout the rest of "Dreams and Madness" feel so powerful. Shin has never seemed like a particularly stable person and without the grounding force of her master, she quickly seems unsure and out of her depth. Ivanna Sakhno wonderfully portrays Shin's discomfort and fear wonderfully here and her fleeing from her former enemies when offered a hand of grace is a powerful moment and some of the strongest acting this series has shown so far.

Baylan is another story. I love Ray Stevenson in this role, but I'm growing a bit tired of the teasing. Yes, we know something big bad and scary is coming down the line. Yes, I'm excited to see it. But at this point, Baylan's secret quest is joining the "what the hell was Ahsoka up to in the ten years prior to this series" category of annoyingly vague storytelling. If we don't get some kind of answer or resolution in the finale I'm going to break into Dave Filoni's home and make me watch as I eat his cowboy hat.

Separate from all the action on Peridea, "Dreams and Madness" also begins with a cold open depicting Hera Syndulla's court-martial. It's still not covering much of the way of anything new. Kazuda Xiono's dad is still a blowhard, the events of Mandalorian season three are acknowledged in passing, and the threat of Thrawn or an Imperial Remnant are ignored. (It'll honestly end up being hilarious if the New Republic disastrously underestimated the threat of a resurgent Empire two different times in its existence.) The decision to have Leia come to the rescue via C-3PO is a smart and logical move here. I don't quite buy the logic that every major event in the galaxy post-Return of the Jedi demands some sort presence from the Original Trilogy's trio, but it does feel a bit strange that Leia's opinions regarding her former friend and ally's court martial wouldn't matter. Having C-3PO (complete with Anthony Daniels's voice!) waddle onto camera and deliver a last minute message of exoneration is a great work around and helps avoid much of the ghoulish digital trickery that Lucasfilm has been too happy to play with in recent years. It's not a trick that will work that often.

And so with a surprisingly happy note, we arrive at the big finale. Ahsoka has a lot on its plate to resolve and answer and don't count as me optimistic that Filoni will be able to stick the landing, but I've been proven wrong before. Let's see how this goes.

Score: B

[anyadarlingsdomain]

A little excerpt during the Rebels Era. The clones were talking regarding their past and Rex brought up General Norien.

“You knew Master Noríen?” He stated, seemingly surprised to hear the name come from Rex’s mouth.

Rex let out a chuckle. “Yeah..I knew her. So did most clones in fact.” He stated, sharing a grin with his brothers. “Jedi Master Sephora Norien. Member of the Jedi Council, General of 614th Battalion- Moonbeams they liked to call themselves.

And most known amongst my brothers..The Clone General.”

Ezra’s eyes were saucers. “How did you know her? I mean I know she’s a General and all but how did you meet?”

Rex let out another chuckle, having a hand come behind his neck. “Well that was a while ago. I first met the General when I was stationed as an ARC Trooper. We just finished with one of our rountinal training exercises and she came in.

It wasn’t exactly hard to spot her, she was literally the only other female in the room.” He said with a chuckle, “no less you don’t miss Norien’s sights very easily. She’s easily noticeable. Our commanding Officer introduced her to us. We knew about General Ti- her master. And some about this Apprentice..but it wasn’t on the forefronts of our minds at the time. But once she personally introduced herself, you knew automatically that she was different and it was something you automatically took a liking too. Needless to say as Ti’s Apprentice she was with her often in Kamino. She was the second Representative for Kamino there.

Sephora’s involvement with the clones was constant. She stayed for months off and on with her Master for the implement of our program..along with other duties that she held too. Once the Clone Wars began..she was assigned to an Battalion, 614th as I’ve stated. Her leading officer was a Marshall Commander just like Cody. He was a good fellow..very stoic Commander you couldn’t get much past him. He was very observant.” He chuckled. “Anyway, for the course of 3 yrs I fought alongside the Clone General off and on. 501 and 614 were combined on missions many times. We were a force to be reckoned with. Like the other clones we’ve all come to learn and respect her over the years..she certainly earned her title..she was a great leader and comrade. I am proud and honored to serve alongside her during the Clone Wars. She is by far one of the greatest Generals of Jedi. She was a good friend..” he stated looking a little forlorn after that comment.

They were silent a moment.

“Do you know what happened to her?” Ezra suddenly asked him.

Rex was looking to the floor. “Heh..I..I’m not entirely sure..I haven’t heard anything from her in years..I just assumed that,” he seemed to be struggling, his hands kept unclenching each other. His vod seemed to be starting to worry for him and started to reach out.

He finally looked to him, shaking his head. “I can’t believe..” his eyes started to grow watery, “that she could be still alive..after all this time..and what titles she held especially with the clones” his eyebrows furrowed over, he shook his head. “There would have been no way..she couldn’t survive that..they would have torn her apart.” He finally broke down and wiped the tears roughly from his face, walking off- upset.

Ezra looked solemn. “I’m sorry..I didn’t mean to hurt him.” He admitted looking to the floor in shame.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself kid.” Wolffe said. “The General always meant a lot to Rex..she meant a lot to all of us,” he said with a frown. “But especially Rex..she was extra special..”

Ezra looked puzzled regarding something.

“What do you mean?” He asked him curiously obviously hinting more to what he was meaning.

Kanan looked up, seeming to know.

Wolffe shrugged. “He loved her, that’s why.” He stated.

Ezra’s eyes went saucers. “He was in love with the General??!!” He asked in astonishment.

“Yeah,” Wolffe stated shrugging again- as if it was no big deal, “in fact many people did..or at least had crushes on her. Namely my brothers,” he said with a chuckle, “trust me if you saw her you would understand why. But of course..Rex’s goes way deeper than that.”

“I’ve seen her..it’s just that..I thought it was against the Code-“ he looked to Kanan offended- “you told me!!”

“And it is.” Kanan calmly stated. “It always has been. The clones were on a different system but it’s the similar idea. It’s a very professional system. Jedi to clone officer. No open attachments or anything related..it would bring the flow out of balance no less the ways of war probably wouldn’t operate the same after.”

“It probably wouldn’t.” Wolffe agreed.

“But in some ways..the Jedi had it harder. At least in the rules of attachments.” Kanan stated.

“I just don’t understand..it doesn’t seem fair. Why is the Code so rigid?”

Kanan sighed. “Not all things can be explained Ezra..it’s just how things are.”

[acrosstimeandspace]

Do all of them for Merlin /hj

(If you don't wanna, I can pick specific ones out)

abidienfjdn i actually did end up doing them all bc i do wanna talk about merlin so bad. he’s been living in my brain rent free, i have so many thoughts!

also i hope you’ve had a good day adrian!! and remember to take care! these are under the cut!

🍪 Cookie - What does your f/o call you?

i just know merlin’s a sucker for pet names, especially the really cheesy/cutesy ones. the more sugary sweet they are the better because a part of him loves the reactions he gets. but! he’d have some that are pretty consistent, particularly starting with “my” like my darling, my sweetheart, because they always get sasha to blush.

♣️ Clover - How would your f/o celebrate your birthday? How would you celebrate theirs?

partially loves and gets a bit of an crisis over birthdays in general. human life is so short, but also it’s a day to celebrate moving forward with life and having another wonderful year!

i think on sasha’s (my s/i’s) birthday, he’d prefer to do something private. cuddles in bed, a nice restaurant date and romantic stroll. it’s simple and sweet, but also personable. it gives them time to connect out of busy chaldea life.

on his birthday, i think sasha would prefer to treat him to lots of fun memories and experiences. after all, merlin’s only out of avalon for so long, he might as well enjoy what he’s been seeing in person! but, at the end of the day, being able to come together is merlin’s favorite part.

🖋 Pen - Would your f/o ever give you creative gifts? What creative form would they use? (E.g music, art, writing)

seeing as merlin’s an idol on his down time, i feel that he probably has a few creative talents! his favorite gift he’s gave is the plush fou, because sewing is so much time. and hey, he has quite the knack for it too!

🎤 Sing - Can your f/o sing? Is it a hobby or job? How often do they sing? (Bonus: do they have actual songs? What do you think of them?)

as much as i’d like to say no, i know that mage had pipes on him. he does so as a virtual idol, but also likes to sing little melodies when he and sasha are going to bed. that’s partially bc my dreams where he’s been there have featured on occasion him singing me lullabies >.>

also! he does sing in the stage play, and his va has done a few songs and covers. i’ve found there’s a few romantic songs. as of writing this i am so not well about this guy.

🎵 Music - Excluding any official songs of theirs, do any songs remind you of (you and) your f/o?

for some reason? i’m drawn to say paradise by george ezra. i don’t know why, but it makes me think of how merlin sees sasha as he’s beginning to develop feelings.

✝️ Lord - Are you or your f/o religious? What traditions would you share with each other?

i don’t think either sasha or merlin are particularly religious, but do enjoy sharing little bits about their own cultures with one another. i think mostly sasha loves to share family recipes!

🖤 Phantom - Is your f/o superstitious? Are they interested much in the paranormal or the occult?

considering merlin is the paranormal, you could say he’s interested! but mostly, he does love watching humans.

🌸 Blossom - Who fell in love first? How long did it take for each of you to realise your feelings?

oh merlin fell first! and while sasha is very bad at hiding their feelings and merlin likes to playfully tease, merlin was definitely in denial like sasha was.

sasha doesn’t really realize their feelings (they’re in denial) until merlin refers to himself as they’re partner seriously while on a mission with their master (they’re disguising as a couple it’s totally necessary$ and they internally lose it.

merlin on the other hand, while falling first, is deep in denial. he doesn’t know what love is, he can’t fall in love, he’s an incubus! but as he slowly grows closer and closer to sasha something stirs in him and it’s totally amusement, silly! and then he almost loses sasha and he’s like oh. oh. oh no.

🎰 Thrills - How risky is your f/o? Do they keep things safe or do they gamble their odds at whatever they feel like?

100% likes risk, but also he has foresight so is it really a risk? but in all honesty, merlin doesn’t care much for risking anyone or anything, not that he lets people know that.

🍳 Hungry - What is your f/o's favourite food? Favourite drink?

canonically merlin may not have a favorite food or drink but he does to me!!

emotion wise, his guilty please is happier emotions and memories, though he hates taking them away from people. he does enjoy more bitter flavors as well, as he believes there should be a balance to these sorts of things.

as for regular human food, he’s fond of sweets, particularly with slight bitter notes like dark chocolate and matcha based desserts. his favorite meals happen to be anything that can be eaten as a group.

as for drinks, he’s fond of the tea he and artoria would have together in camelot. he’s found though that he does enjoy a cocktail or two, especially with fun names! and bright colors!

🪽 Angel - How nice is your f/o to others? Are they different around you or act just the same?

he’s struck a balance between playful and polite with people, but also loves to tease those with great reactions, so he comes off as rather mean to people who he’s not close to.

and while he does love to tease those he’s close to like sasha and artoria, he does know there’s a line and respects it. he also is kinder in the sense that he tries to check in with people in his own way, but he’s not always sure if he should interfere, as occasionally he feels he knows too much about people. he’s gotten great at subtle guiding!

and merlin will be the first to admit he turns up the flirt factor with sasha. how can he not when ae always blush at him?

🕸 Widow - Does your f/o like spiders?

wouldn’t say merlin is fond of them, but he doesn’t dislike them, so to speak. pretty neutral, tbh.

🩸 Ouch - How would your f/o react to seeing you hurt (either mild or major)?

if it’s a small scrape, such as sasha falling and getting a scrape he’d probably tease them a bit, but i do think serious injuries would set off a protective bone in merlin. especially if he’s there fighting by their side.

😍 Obsessed - How obsessed is your f/o about you? What lengths would they go for you?

a normal amount of obsessed, i think? he’s navigating his more human emotions still and he knows he wants to stay by sasha’s side forever. maybe he’s looking for a way to sneak them into avalon with if they ever wanted to. but like, if they want a normal human life, he’d never deny them of that.

💔 Mine - How jealous is your f/o?

oooo merlin is a pouty jealous person. he doesn’t get so too often as he knows sasha loves him! but, he doesn’t like it that people would ignore that they say they’re taken. or if they don’t spend enough time with him (this a lot). he’s a needy man, but don’t you love him for it? 🥺

💋 Kiss - How would your f/o react if you gave them a random unexpected kiss?

you know he’s smug, i just know it. would completely ask for more too. but underneath it all he’s so giddy, he loves random affection like this so much! but be aware that sasha will be trapped by him just flopping on top of them asking for more kisses.

🔪 Dangerous - How skilled is your f/o in combat or murder?

in combat yes, but he will not let anyone know. after all he’s just a fragile guy! you wouldn’t put him on the front lines with his b strength right?

🐝 Buzz - Do any of your f/os know each other? (In canon or just a hc/au?)

yes!! tristan and merlin come from the same source, and of course there is fgo. i actually initially thought about using isolde to ship with merlin, but you know maybe there’s enough wife problems within the knights of the round.

⭐️ Star - Gush about your f/o! Or a s/i! Whatever you want!

both? both is good!

first i wanna say to me merlin is genderfluid! so i do end up using both he/she pronouns for her. and also demiro. but more gushy i do love merlin’s playfulness. it brightens things up and also can be really revealing about her. and also him in my dreams. ugh he’s so sweet?? and i’ve had so many?? mainly they’re cuddle sessions, and tbh merlin would be so good to cuddle with.

as for my si for him, their name is sasha! they’re a mage from the mage’s association that carries aer family’s curse so they look quite beastly (horns, claws, fangs, scales, the works so to speak). and funnily enough, ae’s fused with gabrielle-suzanne de villeneuve, who’s considered the first person to write down the beauty and the beast fairy tale. so ae’s a demiservant. and she sorta helps sasha out with self love!