#know my mind is nothing but pepe silvia

[prosebushpatch]

Alright, so, yesterday, I recorded every single POV in each chapter in The Lunar Chronicles like a normal person and that's what this blog post is about. So if you want to want the overview of me going pepe silvia over the fact that one of the love interests has less POV chapters than two side characters, boy have I got a post for you!

[darkdemeter]

Dem Hi! I'm back with a bit of an unhinged ask here:

Im sure this doodle gives you an idea where this is going. I was just making myself some tea, and I was thinking about Lovers In Eden (i was going to listen to a song called Eastward of Eden by Amelia Day,hence the association). And Since I am a film student, a writer and i took script classes as my subject las trimester, i offer you this unhinged recap of my conspiracy theory. So LIE (Lover in Eden) introduces us to the idea that Strife killed Y/N after a bloodlust outburst,right? Well, at first i didnt think too much of it, but then the chapter ends with the four on earth, which felt a little disembodied from the prologue. Which brings me to the hipothesis which is: Strife's lover is on earth,reborn without their memories. My proof for this theory is this: 1) We know that in the darksiders universe there is such thing as a well of souls, we know they go through the kingdom of the dead to repent and then be reborn through the well. 2) you wouldntve put the line "Love slayer" if it wasnt relevant to the plot. (Writing often times includes phrasing things a certain way to hint at other things). 3) Why would you close the chapter where you did? What relevance does the fact that the four are now on earth have? Simple, Strife will find a reborn,survivor Y/N and will fall in love with them (and have a crisis once he realizes its a whole like soulmates finding eachother again situation) 4) and last (which came to me as i wrote this) if you were to center the story only on Strife and the reader without the reader being reborn, you wouldve just started it from the medieval age/wherever strife met the reader and not end with the four on earth. Of course dont gotta tell me if im right,dont want to spoil the whole fic anyways. But I felt the need to share this with you. (I genuienly felt like the pepe silvia meme). And yeah, one offshoot of all this is that maybe the reader isnt a reborn soulmate, and that the prologue could just set up this inherit guilt and fear towards love that Strife has. Until we get the next chapter, i lay in wait...scheming/lhj/hj Have a nice rest of your day and i hope you've enjoyed my unhinged ramble. -Jer. PD: i feel so silly for sending this whole thing but as a fellow writer i know theres nothing we love more than ppl theorizing about our stuff. So here you go. I hope it doest read as overbearing,i just genuienly love your stuff.

First off, I love your pepe doodle! It’s so perfect. In fact I find it so funny that I made this a little bit ago myself... (As much as I'd love to rant and such about my AUs' lore and headcanons, I made this for shits and gigs)

I absolutely adore hearing theories readers have about my fics. (Sorry this has taken FOR-EV-ER to respond to, I'm terrible with replying at times)

I also fucking LOVE that you're a film student, I think that makes this whole theory situation even better because I do tend to have a very movie-esque thought process when writing. (Blooper reel and BTS footage rent free in my head)

And I think I've got the mind stewing a bit with that recent post, Flowers From My Lover. Without hopefully giving away anything, you do have some valid and interesting points in your theories and has me going, "Oh Jer is good little detective." You get a cookie for your theory skills!

There are indeed certain key details and clues I put in on purpose and it's so interesting to see what readers pick up on. And yes, the well of souls is involved to some extent in this plotline, but not in the way you might think...

I also find your choice of the word "reborn" interesting. Very obviously and right out the gates, I will say that yes, reader is alive in this story. But it's the manner in which reader's alive and again, the reborn theory is interesting and again, possibly not in a way you're expecting. Though it seems rather simple, I will tease that there is... quite a bit more to it than what's at face value.

And I wanna tease this little clue too because it is one of my favourites: It's interesting how the fic's title has a double meaning in plain sight...

[smh0217]

Jaune and Nora get office jobs

Nora, with a fake cigarette hanging from her mouth: This company is being bled like a stuffed pig Jaune, and I got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out, take a look at this.

*Nora shows Jaune all of the evidence she has found and stuck to the wall*

Jaune: Jesus Christ, Nora.

Nora: That right there is the mail. Now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail please, Jaune? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay? Pepe Silvia, this name keeps comin' up over and over and over again. Every day Pepe's mail's getting sent back to me. Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia, I look in the mail, this whole box is Pepe Silvia! So I say to myself I gotta find this guy. I gotta go up to his office, I gotta put his mail in the guy's goddamn hands! Otherwise he's never gonna get it, it's gonna keep coming back down here. So I go up to Pepe's office and what do I find out, Jaune, what do I find out? There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay? So I decided, ohh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper. There's no Pepe Silvia, you gotta be kidding me, I got boxes full of Pepe! All right, so I start marching my way down to Carol in H.R. and I knock on her door and I say, "Caaarol, Caaarol! I gotta talk to you about Pepe!" And when I open the door, what do I find?

Jaune: What?

Nora:There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There is no Carol in H.R. Jaune, half the employees in this office building have been made up. This office is a goddamn ghost town.

Jaune: Okay Nora, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. Not only do all of these people exist, but they have been asking for their mail on a daily basis. It's all they're talking about up there. God, dude. We are gonna lose our jobs.

Nora: Well calm down, 'cause here's one thing that's not gonna happen.

Jaune: What?

Nora: We're not gonna get fired.

Jaune: We're not?

Nora: 'Cause we've already been fired.

Jaune: …We've lost our jobs?!

Nora: Yeah. About three days ago, a couple pink slips came in the mail. One for you, one for me. So what did I do? I mailed them halfway to the Atleasean tundra!

Jaune: Nora, if we've lost our jobs that means we've lost our health insurance. Which means all of this was for nothing! Goddammit l, I am having a panic attack. I'm actually having a panic attack.

Nora: Will you settle down and have another cup of coffee?

Jaune, taking a sip of coffe: I am!

Nora, to the man in black standing next to her that appeared out of nowhere: All right, well fine. You know what, Barney, give this guy a cigarette. He's freakin' out.

Jaune: Huh? Who?

Nora: Barney. He's the guy who tipped me off to Pepe Silvia.

Jaune: Barney? Who the hell is Barney!?

Nora, looks back and sees the man had disappeared: You don't see Ba- oh, shit. Where the hell did he...?

Jaune: You've lost your mind. You've lost your goddamn mind, Nora!

[void-botanist]

Standing, Asalun, & Associates

An AOM &c. AU that nobody asked for, so I'm delivering!

This is me taking Mystery Incorporated, Dead End: Paranormal Park, Hilda, Mob Psycho 100, and let's be honest, the whole ghost segment of The Sword Interval that lives rent-free in my mind into one vibeful concept: Horatio and Marcus run a paranormal investigation business.

Due to all of their proposed names being terrible puns or just not catchy, they gave up and called it Standing & Asalun. They run it out of what is Horatio's Flowers in AOM, and they do extremely lackluster business. However, Celia thinks it's the most delightful fucking thing and inserted herself into the investigation so much that they essentially hired her. She still has a day job, like Marcus, and unlike Horatio MyOwnBoss Standing. Eventually Allison joined in, and even if they would hire him he doesn't actually want the job, so he's technically a contractor. Still, the addition of another regular meant that they finally felt like they had to change the name to Standing, Asalun, & Associates.

Season One

Season one is the alternate story to AOM and begins with things going poorly as usual - they're not actually that bad at their job, but they have a hard time finding people who actually need paranormal things investigated, or even stuff they can put on their video channel - until Sid blows into town, with his parents not far behind. Horatio is instantly convinced that something is Off. No one else agrees - obviously Sid is just having a bad time and is also sixteen years older than when they last saw him. Horatio is ready to acknowledge that he was just too hungry for a lead when Sid starts having dreams that are very clearly not normal weird but paranormal weird. On an island that seems to have nothing paranormal going on, there's nowhere they could possibly be coming from...unless Sid's recently arrived parents have something to do with it. But they're not even witches, let alone known to be capable of whatever this is. So why do they seem to make the dreams worse but their muddy message clearer? SAA - but especially Horatio and the newest associate, Sid - will stop at nothing to find out.

Starring

Horatio Standing

keeps the books

makes the pepe silvia boards

lives above SAA

brings the Fred Jones energy

Marcus Asalun

makes most of the money that goes into the books with his art

designs the ghost science experiments

lives elsewhere but if he could fit his studio into Horatio's place he'd probably just live there. it would cost less

brings the Velma Dinkley energy

Celia Standing

manages the morale

gives the pep talks

lives with Allison

brings the Daphne Blake energy

Allison Hughes

keeps to his own schedule

bakes the snacks

lives with Celia, but it's his house

brings the Shaggy Rogers energy (or Scooby, because wolf)

Sid Reid

keeps a log of his strange nightmares

makes all the food that's not snacks

lives with Horatio and also in fear of his parents, paranormal influence or no

brings the Mr. E energy

with additional appearances by

Avis Peynon

is not your fucking chauffeur service damn it

Sorian Shank

inherited Fred Jones's legendary trapbuilding abilities

Phil Shank

will be your chauffeur service if you don't kill her vibe

Leon Standing

has a book on that but no he doesn't know what the text means either

Edith Standing

banned from contracting with SAA because she pranked them too much

Donovan Reid

is obviously a paranormal intensifier because he's clearly the coolest guy in the world

Emma Reid

read a book about this once and yes she's sure she knows what the text means

[khaleesiofalicante]

Ok so as far as i understand, in the other timeline, there is no crimson king, lance destroys everything (the stuff lucifer and azazel were talkin about) and then 700 years later, Max (Other max) discovers time travel, comes back to the present timeline and helps kincaid be born in order to… what exactly?

Even if time travel is real, you can’t change the past…You can only manipulate the past to change the future.

Right so other Max can’t change his past, the one in which the prophecy comes true, so now he’s manipulating this past, our current timeline to change the future (and possibly prevent the destruction of everything)?

Also does he know the future of this timeline after he manipulates it? Because i remember him saying something about kincaid and he’s also told david so many times that lance will be fine so it makes sense that he would but i don’t understand how because technically he should know only his 700 years of past, right? He wouldn’t know this future, the one after he changes a couple things (like helping Kincaid be born)- unless he does???

And whyyy was he dreamin of disneyland?? 

idk if any of this makes sense thinking about time travel for too long always makes my head hurt 😭😭 I feel like that one pepe silvia meme 😭

And also what other differences does this timeline have to ours?? I didn’t notice anything except Max having david’s name tattoo on his wrist instead of his chest, the piercing and Victoria not having a baby (though this one was hard to miss) i love the slight mindfuck I had once I realised it was not indeed our timeline

I love a good mind fuck. Don't you?

You seemed to have a good idea of most things so congratulations lmao.

Other Max definitely knows how different the Other Timeline/Future is - because he remembers what it used to be like and when he returns to his own timeline, he notices the changes.

I'll give you a small (inconsequential) spoiler since you've been smarty pants.

In the Other Timeline, Max and David lose the NY institute (if you noticed, Max only is able to save it with Other Max's help). So in the Other Timeline, Mavid move out of the institute into a regular home. But after the day Other Max specifically helps change that event (Preventing moving out of institute), when he goes back to his own timeline, he'll notice his that his mundane home would no longer be there (because he manipulated the past - which then changed his future). If that makes sense to you.

More examples here.

Another thing:

So, in the Other Timeline, we know Lance destroyed Idris and Kincaid didn't exist. But just because Kincaid is born, it doesn't mean Lance won't destroy Idris. So, the day Other Max sold the angel blood to Kyle and returned to the Other Timeline, nothing would've changed - (except maybe Knightstorm bloodline is there or something?). More on this later.

The Disneyland dream was completely random. I couldn't think of anything else lmao. But maybe it was because he's been watching. a lot of cartoons with David because they're excited for the baby (I can see them doing this).

PS - Max has always had the tattoo on his wrist (in lbaf). He got it on his hand because he wanted to remember David when he used magic (his left hand). You can read this scene in Max's short story in LBAF 3. I changed it into a tattoo over the heart in the aus because that made more sense.

[a-christmas-carol-from-hr]

scrooge 1951 but theyre figuring out jorkins is embezzling

Scrooge but like 30: They're onto me, dude. Those guys are sharp as nails up there. You can't put anything past them. Oh, my God, dude, I'm freaking out. I am so stressed out. I feel like I'm having a panic attack.

Marley but like 30: You want to talk about stress? You want to talk about stress?! Okay? I've stumbled onto a major company conspiracy, Ebenezer. How about that for stress?

Scrooge: What the hell are you talking about?

Marley: This company is being bled like a stuck pig, Scrooge, and I got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out. Take a look at this.

Scrooge: Jesus Christ, Jacob

Marley: That right there is the mail. Now, let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Scrooge? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay? Pepe Silvia... This name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day, Pepe's mail's getting sent back to me. I look in the mail. This whole box is Pepe Silvia. So, I say to myself, I got to find this guy. I got to go up to his office. I got to put his mail in the guy's goddamn hands. Otherwise he's never gonna get it. He's gonna keep coming back down here, so I go up to Pepe's office, and what do I find out? What do I find out?! There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay? So, I decide, "Oh, shit, buddy. I got to dig a little deeper." There's no Pepe Silvia. You got to be kidding me. I got boxes full of Pepe! All right, so I start marching my way down to Jorkins in HR, and I knock on his door, and I say, JOOOOORKINS, Jorkins, I got to talk to you about Pepe." And when I open the door, what do I find? There's not a single, goddamn desk in that office. There is no Jorkins in HR. Scrooge, half the employees in this building have been made up. This office is a goddamn ghost town.

Scrooge: Okay, Jacob, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. Not only do all of these people exist, but they have been asking for their mail on a daily basis. It's all they're talking about up there. Jesus Christ, dude, we are going to lose our jobs.

Marley: Well, calm down, 'cause here's one thing that's not gonna happen.

Scrooge: What?

Marley: We're not gonna get fired.

Scrooge: We're not?

Marley: 'Cause we've already been fired.

Scrooge: We've lost our jobs?!

Marley: About three days ago, Jorkins sent pink slips in the mail. One for you and one for me. So what did I do? I mailed them halfway to Siberia, okay?

Scrooge: Jacob, if we've lost our jobs, that means we've lost our health insurance, which means all of this was for nothing. Goddamn it, dude. I'm having a panic attack. I am actually having a panic attack.

Marley: Oh, will you settle down and have another cup of coffee?

Scrooge: I am, bro.

Marley: All right, well, fine. You know what, Present? Give this guy a cigarette. He’s freaking out.

Scrooge: Who?

Marley: Present. He's the guy who tipped me off to Pepe Silvia.

Scrooge: Present?! Who the hell is Present?!

Marley: You don't see Pre...? Oh, shit, where the hell did he...?

Scrooge: You've lost your mind. You've lost you goddamn mind, Jacob.

[johnaeryns]

can you please explain how spuffy is a lesbian relationship? (I'm asking in seriousness, I'm interested in your analysis-- I realize the phrasing of the question could be read ambiguously but I think you're brilliant and I love your takes :) )

Oh you’re so nice, thank you! Honestly, it was a theory I started with @burneddownthegym, half as a joke, because we both saw homoerotic subtext in the way their relationship was written so we were calling them a lesbian ship. Eventually we started seeing other people’s opinions and analysis which genuinely supported the theory and began trying to piece it all together. We talk about it because it’s fun and because we think there’s genuinely a lot of solid evidence to unpack. I guess we thought two gay people could talk about where they found gay subtext, specifically because we relate to it, on Twitter without people taking it in bad faith, as usual we were wrong dlkfjask. Some of these points will be Wren’s, some will be mine, mostly they’ve fused into one big, long mess.

I will definitely try to explain best I can and cite some of the places we’ve been pulling stuff from, but if I come off sounding like the Pepe Silvia meme then it is what it is ldkjfasl. My disclaimer is that this isn’t 100% fully realized so there’s probably a lot of other points or examples I’m missing or forgot to include and some things that don’t directly link together or aren’t fully explained yet but I did what I could.

Edit: Originally put this in the tags but now I’m putting it in the post. Please do not read if you cannot be open minded. If you are set on hating Spike and/or Spuffy you will probably not enjoy the post, so if you know this, read it, and then get mad at me that is your problem, not mine. As I said multiple times, you don’t have to agree but I am a lesbian and so getting called lesbophobic for my interpretation is pretty annoying. 

I think the most important element that people misunderstand is that, to me at least, this has nothing to do with sexuality or gender headcanons. I use the terms lesbian and lesbian relationship more figuratively than literally, but defining or drawing hard lines on these in this context is unappealing to me and limits the discussion, so just consider it to be largely irrelevant to this post. 

The slayer/vampire dynamic as well as the slayer and vampire elements respectively are essential to this interpretation. What would otherwise be a heterosexual dynamic is twisted beyond recognition by the subversive gender elements that occupying the slayer/vampire roles have imposed on Buffy and Spike as individuals, and how those elements have in turn impacted the nature of their attraction to each other. However for the sake of this post I am going to start with their attraction, which I feel is the most overtly homoromantic element, and work backwards. 

The attraction Buffy and Spike feel towards each other causes them to experience a lot of confusion and shame. It’s described multiple times as being “wrong.” Spike says in 5x14 “because this, with you, is wrong. I know it. I'm not a complete idiot,” and Buffy in 6x13 says “It’s [her attraction to Spike] wrong. I’m wrong. Tell me I’m wrong.” They both find themselves attracted to someone that they and the outside world believe they should not be attracted to. They both struggle to accept that they have this “wrong” attraction and can neither control nor fight it. They both struggle to accept that they are not attracted to what they feel they should be: Spike believing that he should be attracted to evil, and Buffy believing she should be attracted to good, namely in the form of a ‘nice, normal’ guy. Both of these beliefs are imposed on them by other people’s expectations, rather than their own desires. Buffy in particular is deeply insecure about not being attracted to the people she feels she should be (Riley Finn, Scott Hope, Ben in season 5, Robin Wood, the list goes on). Buffy feels that if she tells her friends about this attraction they’ll be repulsed by her, and Spike is mocked by the demon (and sometimes human) community for his feelings towards Buffy. Their relationship is both something that they feel internal shame about, and that the outside world shuns them for. In this sense the explicit slayer/vampire dynamic becomes a stand in for an implicit same sex relationship. Once the supernatural elements are removed the subtext draws strong parallels to the experience of coming to terms with homosexual attraction and lack of heterosexual attraction.

Beyond subtext, there are times when the script of the show makes direct connections between the two. When Riley asks how Willow could have sex with Oz because he’s a werewolf (part demon) in season 4, Buffy responds “God, I never knew you were such a bigot.” This establishes the idea within the canon of the show that demon/human, and especially demon/slayer, relationships are something that people are close minded or bigoted about in the way they would be a gay relationship. It also establishes Riley as normative and Buffy as subversive, further exemplifying my previous point about Riley representing what Buffy should want, but doesn’t. This is further illustrated in season 6 when Buffy confesses that she’s been sleeping with Spike to Tara. The only person Buffy tells about this relationship is a canonical lesbian. It is not so subtly implied that Tara is understanding of Buffy’s conflict because she feels it mirrors her own experience with external and internal homophobia. Tara later likens Buffy telling other people about the relationship to “coming out.” That’s not subtext, that’s a direct comparison between Spike and Buffy’s relationship and a gay relationship.

Katherine Ann Vogt makes the case in “‘Kinda Twisty and Weird’: Queering the Heterosexual Romance in Buffy Shipper Fanfiction” that Spike and Buffy both represent a gender dichotomy through their respective human and demon/slayer sides. The demon/slayer side represents the stereotypically* masculine (strong, hard, cruel, violent), while their human sides represent the stereotypically feminine (soft, weak, sensitive, sentimental). Buffy continuously seeks to repress her slayer side (stereotypically masculine), while Spike continuously seeks to repress his human side (stereotypically feminine). When they are unable to cloak or repress these parts of themselves they are shamed, mocked, or belittled (men being made uncomfortable or angry by Buffy’s strength and self reliance & people thinking her too cruel and violent + people mocking Spike’s sentimentalism and softness both as a human and a demon). Both are only able to come to terms with their identity and evolve as people once they learn to let go of how they think they should be and reconcile both parts of themselves, feminine and masculine. 

Since the connection between the slayer/demon dynamic and homosexual attraction & stereotypical masculinity has been established, I would argue that you could take this in part as a representation of the gender struggle sapphics undergo when reconciling being a woman/not a man (existing as and/or being perceived as stereotypically feminine) with being attracted to women (stereotypically masculine). Similarly it mirrors the specific struggle lesbians undergo while attempting to reconcile their own subversive & self defined femininity with a lack of attraction to men, which is seen as a key aspect of the stereotypically feminine. I find it notable that for both Buffy and Spike it is the human side (the self) who is stereotypically feminine, while the stereotypically masculine aspect is attached to the ‘abnormal’ part of their personhood. This is one of the primary reasons I see the dynamic as specifically lesbian, rather than just non-heteronormative, queer, or homoerotic. I think that the feminine is a key component in their relationship and it is a reconciliation with the masculine that causes them to struggle, even if for Spike the masculine is expected and for Buffy it is condemned.

*Here’s my big gender disclaimer. I am using the word stereotypical to connote gender roles and gender performance, obviously femininity and masculinity are far more complicated than the stereotypically masculine and feminine. There is also an unavoidable connection here between performing gender and performing morality given the context of the show, but it is not my intention to assign morality to gender or sexuality. As the slayer/demon dichotomy makes clear, the ‘masculine’ is amoral and can be ascribed to good or evil, positive or predatory, the same goes for homosexual attraction. And lastly, I don’t want it to come off as if I am equating lesbianism with femininity of any kind or like I’m being dismissive of lesbians who don’t identify as women, but for the sake of argument and consistency I am connecting lesbianism with the word femininity, whatever amorphous form that femininity takes.

I’m certainly not the first to liken Buffy telling her mother she’s the Slayer in 2x22 to a coming out scene, but there lies another significant connection between Buffy’s slayer side and subversive sexuality/gender (as Wren points out here Spike was also notably present for this scene). In fact, the parallels in this scene are so strong I don’t feel I need to make an argument for it. Buffy’s desire to be normal, her despair at normalcy being personally unattainable because she herself is abnormal, the pain at having a key aspect of yourself be unsettling or scary to people you care about, and the frustration at your inability to change even if you’d like to, are all elements of her struggle with being the slayer which continuously parallel a struggle with sexuality and gender.

@shieldsmaiden made this excellent post about the lesbian subtext in Spike’s obsession with slayers. His desire is sexual but it’s also a deeper desire to possess or become the slayer. He wants the slayer, he wants to be the slayer, and at a point the two desires become interchangeable. Good and evil and masculine and feminine become all tangled up. The slayer is a symbol of goodness and light, but the slayer is also an inarguably female figure. He wants at once to destroy the light and become the light, desires the feminine and desires to be the feminine. As the post points out this elicits a kind of homophobic disgust from the people around him. His obsession with the light is unnatural, his twisted up desire towards the feminine is unnatural, he wants in a way that he is not meant to. As Wren notes here, Spike’s iconic leather duster being a trophy from a slayer further elaborates on this point. It is both a slayer’s jacket and a woman’s jacket and he has made it a part of his identity. He wants them, he wants to kill them, he wants to be them, in a way that is markedly homoerotic and specifically lesbian, to be feminine and desire the feminine at once. I also find it notable that Spike’s history and relationship with slayers is displayed in the same episode (5x07) that fully realizes his stereotypically feminine human side which thus far had only shown itself through his stereotypically masculine facade, as well as being an episode devoted to fully illustrating the connection between Buffy and Spike as slayer and vampire not as diametrically opposed, but rather dark mirrors of each other, two sides of the same coin. 

These two examples of the demon and slayer being representations of subversive sexuality are not identical but they are similar. The role of the slayer and the role of the vampire are set against each other and yet even though what people expect of Buffy and what people expect of Spike are vastly different, both struggle to meet those expectations. Both are too drawn to the opposing force (light and dark) in a way that they and others find disturbing, both refuse to fit into the box which says how a vampire or slayer should be/feel/act, and because of this both are the only one of their kind. Neither is fully slayer/vampire, neither is fully human. This point is addressed specifically in the script during 6x09 when Spike says to Buffy “Oh, poor little lost girl. She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love.” to which she responds “Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot! Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in?” Buffy questions why Spike is so drawn to the light, Spike questions why Buffy is so drawn to the darkness. Both insist that there is something “wrong” with the other, both are internally convinced there is something wrong with themselves, and yet the scene ends with them having sex. This ties all the way back in to my very first point. The roles of the slayer and demon, the wrongness in their performance of these roles, the wrongness in the performance of their gender,  the attraction that exists between the roles, how it contributes to the wrongness, all become twisted up in a cacophony of confusion, pain, and shame. All of this only further serves to prove the strong connections between Buffy and Spike’s struggle with identity, how that is fueled by struggles with gender, and how all of that feeds into the homoerotic attraction between them.

The final point I’d like to address is the idea of Spike as Buffy’s Jungian Shadow. Here is an excerpt from an essay titled “Spike as Shadow” by Delores J Nurss and further analysis of said essay by Rhonda V. Wilcox (Why Buffy Matters 82). 

The theory of the Shadow extends far beyond homoerotic subtext, but this passage is incredibly relevant. To vastly oversimplify, Spike as the Shadow forces Buffy to confront the parts of herself she wants to ignore. I would argue that two other characters have also taken this role for Buffy over the course of the series, Cordelia Chase and Faith Lehane. As it states here “the shadow is always of the same sex as the subject.” Considering that Cordelia and Faith are both women this becomes increasingly interesting. Not only do Cordelia and Faith fill the Shadow role, but they are also notable for having widely agreed upon homoerotic subtext with Buffy. Spike’s continuation of not only the Shadow role, but also the homoerotic attraction, places him once more in the realm of the feminine. This is reinforced when considering the first line of the essay which states that “Spike has devoted a century to acting out William’s shadow.” As has been established, William, Spike’s human side, represents the stereotypically feminine, which would make him the Shadow of two separate feminine subjects. The animus and anima is another relevant aspect. You might say Buffy represents the feminine aspects of Spike while Spike represents the masculine aspects of Buffy, however if you are following the line of thought which makes Spike the feminine Shadow of a feminine subject, you might also interpret it as a part of the persistent slayer/vampire/human gender dichotomy. The stereotypically masculine slayer/demon side as the male element of the stereotypically female human side, the stereotypical female human side as the female element of the stereotypically masculine slayer/demon side. 

Edit (12/1/21): This isn’t really evidence but I have to use every weapon in my arsenal here so I’m adding Steven Deknight’s (writer of the episode) quote on my thread about Buffy, Spike, Faith, and shadow integration in “Dead Things.” This is a piece of the “extends far beyond homoerotic subtext” I was talking about, and has nothing to do with lesbian Spuffy, but insofar as Spike & Buffy and Buffy & Faith as Jungian Shadow Integration is relevant to the theory, it’s pretty validating. Not to mention how Spike taking on the role of and interchanging with a female shadow of Buffy’s plays into it.

(here is the tweet) (here is my original thread on dead things + the tumblr post equivalent)

In the end I would say the thing that links all of this together is balance. In the same way the Buffy and Spike act as mirrors to each other, they also act as mirrors in their attraction and gender. The balance of the feminine and the feminine, along with the balance of the masculine and masculine which offsets it. This acts in the same way a lesbian dynamic would, possessing both the stereotypically feminine in the form of your gender, and the stereotypically masculine in your desire of the feminine. Only when Buffy is able to come to terms with the inherent stereotypical masculinity and darkness of her slayer side, and Spike is able to shed the performative masculinity in his demon side by making the choice regain his soul they are able to fully develop a functional and long lasting relationship where neither feels shame, brining the metaphor of internalized homophobia full circle.

I would like to close this by saying that it’s only one interpretation. There are lots of ways to see the show, we’ve analyzed the canon and found there is a lot that supports this reading. I think that some of this subtext was done intentionally, some was not. However, you’re meant to find your own meaning in media and there’s certainly meaning to be found here. I’m not saying that Spuffy is a lesbian relationship in the literal sense, but I do think that there’s a lot to link them to lesbian dynamics and lesbian experiences both in sexuality and in gender politics. People certainly don’t have to agree but in the end we’re just having fun attempting to analyze a tv show, and in conclusion:

[swearingcactus]

pepe silvia but it's ajay losing his mind

"Brother, are you alright? You seem stressed out."

"You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about stress?! I've stumbled onto a major national conspiracy, guys--how 'bout that for stress?"

"What are you talking about, Ajay?"

"The Golden Path is being bled like a stuck pig, Sabal, and I've got the paper trails to prove it." Ajay moves further into the house and shows papers stuck to the wall with throwing knives and pins, and messily written words on top of them with black markers, plastered next to the kitchen, "Take a look at this."

"Jesus Christ, Ajay."

"Let's talk about Mohan Ghale's journal, can we talk about the journal, please, guys? I've been dying to talk about the journal with you all day," *slams hand to wall* "Mohan Ghale, his journal keeps coming up, over and over again. Journal here! Journal there! I go to a cave, and THIS WHOLE BOX IS MOHAN'S JOURNAL!" *shakes a random box vigorously*

"So I said to myself-- "I gotta find what he wants. I gotta go and collect all his journals and read what he wants with my own goddamn eyes! Otherwise, I'm never going to get it and he'll just keep haunting me." So I go around the caves and collect all his journals and what do I find out, Sabal? What do I find out?!"

Sabal stared, mouth agape.

"He is no savior of Kyrat. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper!" Mohan was a dick? You gotta be kidding me! I've been fighting for his cause! All right?" *turns to Amita*

"So I start marching my way down to Amita in the tea factory. And I knock on her door and I say, "AMITAA! AMITA!"" *knocks on door furiously*, "I gotta talk to you about Mohan, and when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn worker in that factory. THERE... ARE...NO... workers in the tea factory. Guys. Half the members in the Golden Path don’t know what they should be doing. This country has no common sense.”

“OK, Ajay I’m going to have to stop you right there. Not only is Mohan definitely the savior of Kyrat, but the members of the Golden Path have been working hard to secure the North on a daily basis. It’s all they’ve been doing out there.”

“Ajay you’re going to make us lose the future of Kyrat.”

*Ajay starts smoking again.*

“Well calm down because that’s the one thing that’s not going to happen.”

“What?”

“We’re not going to lose the future of Kyrat.”

“We’re not?”

“Because we’ve already lost the future of Kyrat.”

“We’ve LOST the future of Kyrat?!”

“Yes, about 3 days ago I received a couple of calls from Pagan Min. One to put my mother to rest and one for me to be the king. So what did I do? I sent him HALFWAY to Siberia!”

“If Pagan is no longer in the palace then that means we’ve lost our one unifying cause to fight. That means all of this was for nothing! Goddamnit, brother, I am having a panic attack.”

“Well, will you settle down and have a glass of raksi.” *waves at the kitchen where Sabal is already drinking nervously,* “I am, brother.”

“All right, well, fine. You know what, Kalinag? Give this guy a cigarette, he’s freaking out.” *Turns to the thangka.*

“Huh, who?”

“Kalinag, he’s the one who tipped me off that current Kyrat’s a shit show.”

“Kalinag? Who the hell is Kalinag?!” Amita was yelling.

“YOU DON’T SEE– oh shit where’d he go?”

[therealvinelle]

I agree that Aro definitely is not straight, but if he is gay and not bi, why window shop for a wife? If he wanted a partner for some reason, why not find a male one? It was a different era, yes, but are vampires really homophobic?

So, for this meta, we’ll have to get historical. Before we do, keep in mind that while I know Ancient Greece better than most, having studied it (introductory level classes only, mind), I don’t know it well enough to be any kind of authority on the matter. History, more than any other discipline I can think of, is not respected as an academic field, and people with poor to no understanding of historical hermeneutics will make very bold assumptions that they then have too poor understanding of history to realize are bullshit. This is a disclaimer because I don’t want to join in on the chorus of authoritative-sounding people on the internet with no verifiable credentials who spout things about history that are then taken to be gospel truth by readers because the author made it sound good.

More, I say this because your question is asking me to explain the morality and social norms surrounding a character from 14th century BC Greece. And this man would not, for the record have been Ancient Greek, he would have been Mycenaean Greek. Very quick history lesson: Mycenaean Greece was a flourishing society that suffered a downfall, Greek civilization fell into its very own dark ages, until around 800 BC when Greeks began forming what would become the Ancient Greece we know and love. This in turn means that I can’t very well read up on the marital and sexual norms of Ancient Greece when I’m researching for Aro, because he was five hundred years old already when Ancient Greece became a thing.

And your question concerns cultural history. And for that we’re going to have to look at how we know the things we know about history. How history is studied.

Historians have two kinds of sources: archeological findings and written records. (I’m aware that oral tradition, like the one carried by the Aborigine people, isn’t technically one of these, but to my understanding it’ll be treated to similar analysis as written records, which leaves us with the two types of sources standing strong.) These sources are analyzed, and we apply various theories and models onto them to make sense of the context they were written in. The more sources we have, the more we can refine or eliminate these theories or models.

More, history is an ever evolving field. There are movements and schools of thought that influence how history is written (marxism in history, that is, history as a class struggle, was heavy in the 60′s and I think until the 80′s), which means that how a certain culture will be perceived today is not the way it was perceived a few decades ago, nor will it be perceived the same way a few decades in the future.

You see why I am daunted by you asking me to give you an answer about sexual and marital norms for a guy who lived 3000 years ago, and I hope you’ll understand why I feel this word vomit is necessary.

Now, the danger with Mycenaean Greece is that it’s a society it’s easy to feel we know a lot about, because it was the precursor to Ancient Greece, and we know a lot about the latter. But, first of, the reason why we know as much as we do about the Ancient Greeks is the Romans. The Greeks wrote about their history, their philosophy, their government, and they wrote plays and told stories. However, that was two thousand years ago and their writings would have been lost to the sands of time if the Romans hadn’t idolized and sought to emulate their society. This meant preserving their written records. This tradition was carried on by the Christians, in part because Hellenistic philosophy was incorporated into Christian philosophy. We have neo-platonism to thank for Christian asceticism, the “mind over matter” cornerstone.

What I’m getting at with all of this is that we know the insane amount about Ancient Greece that we do because of some very unique circumstances, and so we can make very sophisticated theories about what the Hellenistic world was like. It’s still detective work, but not Pepe Silvia type of detective work. This is not the case for Mycenaean Greece. We know a comparative lot about Mycenaean Greece, considering how long ago it was, but there is very much we don’t know.

With Mycenaean Greece, we are dealing with a lot more uncertainty. We haven’t deciphered one of their two writing styles, and a lot of the text we do have is very fragmentary. Coming up with detailed societal models for Mycenaean Greece, and for the 14th century BC specifically, is... well I don’t know enough about what this society left behind to know what historians have to work with, but I imagine they have their work cut out.

More, I haven’t studied this at all, which means that any attempt on my end to research this would be stumbling around in the dark.

One example: the Illiad and the Odyssey, while composed around the 8th century BC, were set in the early 12th century BC, which is nearly Aro’s time period. The Illiad depicts a homoerotic relationship between Patroclus and Achilles, and both works depict a lot of matrimonies, so I wish I could use it as a source. However, not only would this time gap alone make these sources questionable, but there’s also the matter of the Illiad and the Odyssey being transmitted orally, from bard to bard. Changes were made over the years. For example, the technology described in the Illiad is from several eras, as the warriors will be using bronze weaponry in one book and then switch to iron in the next. This game of telephone is what happens when a story is transmitted orally from person to person. So, while it’s tempting to use these works as a sort of reference point, the possibility, likelihood even, that the bards made adjustments to keep the old story entertaining for their contemporary audience is strong.

For this reason, I can’t give you any kind of historically correct analysis on what the marital or sexual mores would have been like in Aro’s time. Even if the knowledge is out there, I don’t have it.

But I can say this, spouses have for the longest time been partners. Men and women got married, even in the gay, gay, Ancient Greece, not just to have children but because they complemented each other, they were partners. Men needs wives, and women needs husbands. And a partner was canonically exactly what Aro was looking for, feelings had nothing to do with it:

After Caius and Marcus had found their romantic attachments, Aro decided to find his own, although rather than finding his other half in another vampire Aro decided to create his own instead. Aro had a certain type of woman in mind and he found what he was looking for in Sulpicia. He successfully courted her and she came to fall in love with him.

As for vampires being homophobic, I think that is for another post about what culture they bring with them into their new life. But to be brief I’ll say that while the individual vampire can be homophobic, there can be no homophobia at an institutional level because vampires have no institutions. And it’s the institutional homophobia that gets ya. It’s what the whole fight for gay rights has been about: secure legislation against discrimination and that protects gay people. (The right to marry and protection from employees firing LGBT employees comes to mind as examples of this.)

So, no one could force Aro to marry a woman. 

And I’d go into a rant here about how the prospect of gay marriage, of even identifying as homosexual (the labels homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual are very new and, to my recollection, were born off of the Western psychiatric discipline as men who slept with other men were diagnosed with homosexuality. I imagine a man from the Antiquity would be confused at the notion that just because he likes to sleep with dudes he shouldn’t get married to a woman), was unthinkable up until very recently, but I just made this obscenely long rant about how I can’t really make these kinds of guesses, so I’m not gonna.

I think being married to a woman and then banging hot dudes who came along suited Aro just fine.

Also, I can’t believe I’m doing this, but - I’m going to encourage history asks. Because this fandom has a bit of a history problem, as a lot of the characters are from different time periods and many feel unsatisfied with the way Meyer handled that. I am by no means a historian, but I know several of the historical periods the characters of Twilight are from well enough to make educated guesses.

So, hit me with your worst.

[skimblyshanks]

Ok so @thunderwhenhepurrs asked me to explain Macavigus and seeing as it's a house I built myself on solely headcanons this is only fair 😂

But this is me so it's a very long story

It's built on 3 main things, 2.75/3 of which being pure personal interpretation

1. Macavity is Old. but also not. but. ok, so aliudshf. One of my headcanons since I got into the show in 2016 was that Macavity is in the same Age Group as Gus, Old!Griz, and Deut (My thoughts and age hcs for Grizabella fluctuate wildly nowadays).

2. Macavity is the true identity of Rumpus Cat. I made A Whole Series of posts breaking this down. Certain backstory specifics have changed but the general outline is still something i adhere to.

3. Rumpus Cat was Always Gus' Show First. Based, of course, on the US revival+UK-International Tour, where he plays the Rumpus Cat. The show is always, of course, somewhat associated with Old D, since pre-2016 stagings were directed toward him in-universe and led by Munkustrap, all during Act I, but when Gus and Deut are usually understood as very close...

So. aksudhf.

I tend to hc, When Gus, Deut, Macavity, and sometimes Griz were all in their younger days, that Gus and Macavity were a Thing. And like. Macavity wasn't a great dude but like. Most of the messy stuff happened behind the Rumpus Cat persona. basically OG Jekyll-and-Hyde style, letting out repressed urges under another name, this time just also under the guise of a vigilante. (There's nothing explicitly heroic abt Rumpus Cat in the lines themselves, it's all in the staging and the cats relating to cats)

BUT, and here's where things get REALLY Pepe Silvia. And also just go full in on Magic Macavity. So like I mention in my previous 3-post series, I think Macavity is. Literally undead asufhlasdiu. He's old, he's smelly, he's losing his fur, he's emaciated. How does he maintain an appeal? Well, we do know he's literally hypnotic, and along with that all the cats give off enough fae vibes that like. Glamour. BUT ALSO the force that's keeping him alive draws on resentment and hate so he just becomes a more vile little goblin every day.

So Anyway. Back long enough that Deut was young. And Macavity gets fatally wounded while out Rumpus-ing. And Gus is devastated, obviously, but like. you don't stop living. So he moved on. WHAT HE DIDN'T KNOW was that The Power Of Hate had revived Macavity bc he "died" under the Jellicle Moon, Unchosen, full of Betrayal and hate, and also a living vessel of intense magic that still cannot be truly matched bc Misto, Jemibub, Psychic Twins, etc., all have either different types of magic, or different levels of manifestation and i'm getting sidetracked asudiyh. Anyway he died but came back but at this point, no one knows that. And Gus is moving on with his life and finds new love and somewhere in there we get an Asparagus Jr and a Skimble! And Macavity is in the shadows watching like

I introduce 2 more ideas here.

1.Rumpus Cat's being Gus' Show means, not only did he take on the role but he also effectively wrote the show. It's a memorial piece. He and Deut would have the cat equivalent of parlour readings a lot to get through the first year or so they presumed Mac was dead.

2. Even into the present, Macavity is an Urban Legend. No firm basis for this just the vibe i picked up coming back to the show 2019-2020.

So. Eventually Mac's gotta stop laying low. And would you look at that Gus' replacement goldfish just died how sad. So he starts popping up like. Right after she's put to rest and Gus is like "???? You died????" and Macavity, who is so jealous and bitter but putting on his best charm is all "!!! I got better!!!!" And Gus is very sad and he JUST lost his second love and also he has small children he will not turn this down ok he is not ruining this for himself. And Macavity gets this seed planeted as he like. barely exists around the kids that. tiny minds are malleable. And he starts triangulating them a bit to see if he can pull it off and Gus kinda notices so he's like "hey stop it." and Mac's like "ok -crosses fingers behind his back-" And. Keeps doing it obviously just encourages them not to physically go at each other aliudhflisadf. It ends up endangering one of them (probably skimble bc he's the smaller/younger one aliusdhf) through negligence bc dad wasn't home and he and his brother were perpetually mad at each other now. Probably wasn't anything super duper serious but. still rattling for Gus, Jr, and Skimble; still v easily avoidable; and are we sure Macavity had no hand in it?...

And at that point Gus is like "get the fuck away from me and my kids you demon" and--he does, And he goes to build his own evil cat crime kingdom. But key notes, you know, is that he could indeed manipulate kids. Tugger, Platometus, Bomba, and Demeter, along with Jerrie and Teazer, were all born after his reach was established like they grew up in his territory. But those are all their own stories and what's important to this one is that Eventually he sees Tugger and is like "hm. this child is malnourished and still stocky. I like the potential here." and """offers""" to take him on as protege. But Tugger is harder to break than skimble and jr were, or maybe Mac just wasn't good with someone who pushed back, especially if he had no grudge with them or their father. Either way; Tugger likes practicing fighting and brawling and stuff, but the kids got such a stupid little moral core. Buzzkill. So eventually Mac is like. Done with him. But he's not letting him go back home, oh no. He wants leverage against Demeter and he can't have that if she knows where her brother is.

-Oh yeah somewhere in here, too, is the Ball where he kills Victor in front of little Munk. And Gus. Was p certain Munk wasn't making things up from his emotions when he described his brother's killer.-

So he brings him to Gus. And Gus is like "how tf are you still alive not only did i watch you die but like. you looked like death the last time i saw you and my sons were tiny now they're grown and you barely look worse." and Mac is like "yeah funny that here have a preteen." And then nopes out again maybe or maybe not after a night together once more. And Gus is like "I'm not Deut having all these babies I don't want to deal with this kid 24/7 so Tugger basically spends his time between Gus and the Deutfam.

And after all of this Gus looks at the old play he wrote and is like. "I can't believe I ever mourned you" and it ends up hidden away for a while until eventually like. older teen-young adult Munk is sniffing around and he finds it and he is a theatre kid and Uncle Gus how come you never showed me this one before oh my god can I adapt it no no no need to thank me I promise I'll do it justice" before Gus can be like "so Munk I think we should have a talk about The Rumpus Cat and some puzzle pieces your old man does not have like at all like I really think you don't want to do this."

Which is why, along with offstage reality reasons of course, he isn't there for Act I versions of it. In the US Revival it is explicitly suggested by Deut. And Deut, if he's put together all the pieces, hasn't shown it. And Gus is like. My bro wants to see the show, I'll do it and I'll do it for him and myself. Fuck Macavity man anyone can be Rumpus Cat now. and surprise surprise Deut and Munk actually set the whole thing up as a surprise for Gus bc again. They don't have the pieces, they don't know RC=Mac. Not until later that night aslduhfsldf

AND SO, WHERE THE SERIOUS/RIDICULOUS DICHOTOMY COMES IN IS HERE LISADUHFALISDUHF

Because when Macavity gets scared off and electrocutes himself/disappears like. He's still out there. He just did a batman villain escape and they're always back at it by the next week. So after that there's 2 main ways I see them.

One, Serious: Perhaps redemption arc? Very very gradual, longer than it sounds writing it down, but Gus has no real other reason to hang on from his own perspective, and Macavity just looks so fucking pathetic. So he starts hiding out in the theatre and slowly just. cooling his ember of hatred. But that ember is what's keeping him alive. They die together 🥺😌

Two, Joking. this part of worthikid's Palpatine video

and they just have this kind of dynamic bc Gus has to wait in a really long queue to get reincarnated once he dies bc he doesn't die The Choice so he's bumming around and Macavity can see him bc Undead, but also Macavity just. Spites the world by living. Will he ever die? Who fuckin knows man, but he's a lot less dangerous after getting his ass handed to him by a whole group of cats at once. Kids cartoon show villain.

[gingerteaonthetardis]

hi ging! been meaning to ask for a while (but chickened out a lot,,), but what got you shipping fremione? it’s definitely a ship combo i wouldn’t’ve thought of. anyhoo hope ya have a nice day ✨

aw, thanks for asking! (and for being brave enough to send an ask... i know the feeling!) but really, it’s kind of a long story, so strap in!

aeons ago, i saw this image:

and i thought, “huh! neat!” and proceeded to forget about it for... oh, several years, probably. just another useless potterfact. and i was a dr*mione shipper back then, anyway, so it didn’t mean much to me.

and then, in september of 2019, i re-watched goblet of fire. and i lost my whole. entire. mind. i sat down at my desk and i exhaled violently and i turned to my partner and said, “did you know that the twins were supposed to be hot?” and they said, “yes, obviously.” and then i turned to my friend on discord and said, “did you know that the twins were supposed to be hot?” and she said, “yes, obviously.” (i did that several more times to several more friends. all had the exact same answer.) and then i blacked out because i had apparently spent my teenage years with my head in the fucking sand, and i had missed out on appreciating undeniably the cutest and best characters in the whole stupid franchise.

particularly one character, who i had cried very intensely (and a some length) over the death of.

so, i had a new Interest and decided to explore the fred and george side of tumblr a bit. but then i remembered... that post... and i thought, “huh. are... fred and hermione... a thing?”

and the answer is, hilariously, no! that fact is fake!! there’s basically no canon evidence for them, whatsoever, at any point! the whole thing is us just grasping at straws, pepe silvia style!! not that it matters, because canon means nothing and j.k.’s opinion means less than nothing.

but, there are moments...

tiny, scattered little seconds...

[x]

when it seems like either the filmmakers, or the actors...

[x]

or the text itself...

had the slightest, tiniest scrap of intent...

of a relationship between hermione and fred.

and really, that’s all it took for a brain like mine. i started reading fic, and that basically sealed the deal for me. they’re two characters that i’ve always loved and connected to, and it just made sense to put them together in a shipping context. they each provide a nice sense of balance for the other, and they have something that the other lacks (and needs). they have the tol/smol dynamics!! the jock/nerd dynamics!! the right brain/left brain dynamics!! they have it all!!

there are enough little moments to cobble together an interesting backstory, if you fancy. or if you don’t... well, there’s always the future!

(because fred lives a long and happy life!!!! i know this for fact.)

[deviljho]

TOP FIVE EVIL WOMEN

i typed out so much for this answer and it all got deleted <\3 i’m so depressed

ok caveat and disclaimer that these women are all my poor meow meows and imo not necessarily evil more like victims of circumstance but with that being said here are five evil women:

1. lady eboshi from princess mononoke

what can i say…she can industrialize this [redacted]. she did nothing wrong btw

2. vriska and terezi from hs (do not separate them)

vrisrezi makes me insane like it’s just too much to think about but you all already know that. they’re evil and in love <3

3. benten from eccentric family/uchouten kazoku

i feel so charlie pepe silvia from always sunny about benten, like she is obviously a very selfish and chaotic person but i think her horrible childhood (which is only vaguely/barely touched on in the show) really informs her motivations as an adult and i think even tho she’s done terrible things the show DOES make it clear that in her own twisted way she regrets it (a little). maybe someday i’ll write out the actual benten manifesto i rotate in my mind every few months. anyways she’s amazing perfect innovative never been done before etc

4. beatrice umineko

literally what can you even say about beatrice she is the perfect evil woman like she k*lled people she is constantly telling people to suck her toes she’s got depression she’s everyone’s little clown she’s a bitch she’s a lover she’s a child she’s (kind of?) a mother she’s a sinner she’s a saint she doesn’t feel ashamed….she has an amazing unhinged evil little laugh…she smokes weed…she’s italian….mamma mia i love u beatrice

5. franziska von karma from ace attorney

one of the classic evil women…she is perfect

special mention to pitou who is not a woman but is cat girl coded and also amanda from the saw series who did nothing wrong <3 ALSO to lambdadelta, bernkastel, erika and eva who are also from umineko and are also all from hell and highly fucked up

in conclusion:

[jq37]

PLEASE can you tell me about your vendetta with roald dahl ?

for context, this is wrt my tags to this reblog:

So I got this when it came in but I've been waiting until the weekend so I can answer it properly because hoo boy is this a topic that occupies a sizeable portion of real estate in my mind. 

I have other beef with Dahl (like, look up The Great Switcheroo) but I was specifically talking about him in his capacity as writer of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, an objectively insane book that I am unfortunately obsessed with.

Just, every facet of the book is inexplicable:

Pacing-wise, it’s garbage. Nothing actually happens until like chapter 11 of the book and they don’t get into the factory until chapter 14. And there’s only 25 chapters in the book! It’s not a lengthy book!

And Charlie is an absolutely passive protagonist. Do you realize he only does a single thing in the book to drive the plot along? He finds some money and buys a chocolate bar. That’s the one thing he does all book. Get lucky. The rest of the book is him having things explained to him and getting passively moved from place to place until he’s the last man standing. He’s a complete blank slate of a person!

So, already, on a technical level, this book shouldn’t work. But it’s like this staple of children’s lit. Which I have to assume is because it’s a weird mix of childhood wish fulfillment and just the most unsettling imagery and implications in a children’s book that isn’t billed as horror. Like, Coraline is messed up too, but you know that going in. Chocolate Factory acts like it’s gonna be this sweets filled romp and then it ices 4 kids right to our faces like this is Baby Saw and then tries to hand-wave it. Like, nah bro, I see you. That’s murder.

Like, this is truly a story about kids getting murdered for being kids? Like, not even super bad kids! One kid eats a lot? One is spoiled? One watches too much TV? Violet, you are hereby sentenced to horrible maiming for your crime of *checks notes* gum chewing? These all seem more like parenting issues than anything else. The morals of the book make no sense!

Which isn’t to say that every book has to have morals but it’s just so weird that the book is written with the rules and cadence of a morality tale but the moral compass of an arbitrary trickster fae. The framing of Wonka as this benevolent, tricky but fair, and kind adult figure when everything he actually does absolutely consistently illustrates that he is the villain of this story just is so wild to me. And no one ever acknowledges it! Do you understand what you did Dahl? Was that intentional? Did you know? Answer me! 

@camwritery and I have been talking about this for legit a week and a half now so I have so much more I could say but I think the most succinct summary of my feelings about this topic is that I currently have a 4500 word count Google Doc for a WIP homebrew Kids On Bikes mini-campaign and the doc is titled, “Willy Wonka Must Die.”

I cannot abide that bastard man and Dahl is his creator. Therefore, vendetta. 

(Also, I just wanna say, I READ boy, his autobiography, and there’s no WAY he would get out of that factory without getting murdered. But I would argue no normal child would because it’s clearly a designated child murder trap but we don’t have the time to unpack all of my Chocolate Factory conspiracy theories rn and I don’t want to subject you to my Pepe Silvia board.)

[geejaysmith]

On Minkowski’s Weird “I stayed up too late” Personality

check it out everyone, it's time for more Bullshit from Discord but this time with the groupchat

Kat [Yesterday at 8:17 PM] https://mspainttaz.tumblr.com/post/616173308845670400/beginning-of-stolen-century-musta-been-rough alternate explanation for "the cheeses" and why Maxwell won't room with Jacobi anymore

Gill [Yesterday at 8:19 PM] Jacobi: I could go out to the 24hr grocery store right now at 3 am and buy the fanciest fucking cheeses at Hy-Vee and no one could stop me. Maxwell: Please go the fuck to sleep. hm... what does everyone on the Hephaestus do when they can't sleep at 3 AM... what are their weird “i stayed up too late” personalities...

Kat [Yesterday at 8:22 PM] https://tiny-crecher.tumblr.com/post/627965201608802304/i-have-decided-it-is-of-the-utmost-importance-that not necessarily related but Eiffel found the kitkat, minkowski told him not to eat it, Hera somehow made the case for it also we know what Minkowski's 3am stayed up too late personality is, there was a whole episode for it

Gill [Yesterday at 8:22 PM] oh god that's right that's what that is Minkowski, up too late in season 4, has no Known Threats to build acid traps against, so Lovelace finds her in the mess hall building a Pepe Silvia Conspiracy Wall to Try And Deduce What The Aliens Want

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:23 PM] Haha true And. Yeah probably

Gill [Yesterday at 8:25 PM] Minkowski, aggressively slapping half-scribbled notes connected with tape and bits of string: The aliens want us to go SURFING, it's the ONLY THING THAT MAKES SENSE Lovelace, sipping a protein shake and nodding along because neither of them are getting any decent sleep tonight and this is the most interesting thing to happen this week

Gill [Yesterday at 8:29 PM] Eiffel, at the "so does anyone have any ideas" meeting the next morning: you two like you had a... productive evening Lovelace: We narrowed it down. Whatever the aliens want, it's either about surfing or something involving an interspecies mating ritual that may or may not entail actual human sacrifice.

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:33 PM] Eiffel maybe: ......well mark me down as scared and horny

Gill [Yesterday at 8:34 PM] Minkowski, after the end of Dirty Work when they're looking for Eiffel in the void of space (again): Dear god, I hope we're right about the surfing and wrong about the human sacrifice. Lovelace, later on, once Eiffel's back and they've escaped from Cutter and company and they need anything to talk about but the insane odds in front of them: So. Aliens. Eiffel: Yes. Aliens. Lovelace: You met some. Eiffel: Yeah, and the surfing theory wasn't... exactly off-base, per say... Lovelace: ...and? Eiffel: ..........And? Lovelace: Look, just get it out there and get it over with: did you fuck an alien? Eiffel: Oh, that. No. Lovelace: Right, right. You hear that Minkowski? You owe me Starbucks when we get back to Earth!

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:42 PM] haha Minkowski: damn it but also thank god

Kat [Yesterday at 8:42 PM] Eiffel: I mean. I guess theoretically they are fuckable? But since it looked like me, no thanks.

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:43 PM] Eiffel realizing he talked big game in the Would You Fuck Your Clone banned dinner debate but now actually faced with the possibility is realizing he is way more of a weenie about that than he thought he would be Everyone learning deep truths about themselves

Gill [Yesterday at 8:56 PM] Eiffel: You had a bet going over whether or not I'd fuck the aliens?? Minkowski: Well, not exactly... be fair, Lovelace. What were the exact terms of our wager? Lovelace: /sigh, fine. See, I jokingly tossed out an innuendo about how they were waiting for you to "get together and feel alright" and Minkowski took no time at all to turn that into the whole human-sacrifice-coitus thing, which, granted, it was 4 AM and she was on a bender fueled by nothing but caffeine and Astronaut Kibble, so really, that's my fault. But the point is, she was certain that if it was a sex thing? And if it was for the good of the crew, if not the whole of the planet Earth and all life on it? You'd do it. Minkowski: You also might just do it because they offered. Lovelace: Right, and I said, "no way, you saw him freak out when I did the whole- /handwaving to represent the Avatar state/ right? This all scares the hell out of him!" And then added, "if you're right, but he doesn't fuck the aliens, when we get back to Earth, I'm going to stroll into the nearest Starbucks and order something with enough sugar in it to send me into hyperglycemic shock, and you're gonna pay the tab for it." Minkowski: Right, but Eiffel didn't say definitively whether or not it was a sex thing, which left one of the terms unfulfilled. Lovelace: But he implied that it wasn’t a sex thing in the first place, which invalidates the whole first premise, but in the end, he still didn't fuck the aliens! So I'm still more right than you are. Minkowski: Eiffel, did or did not the Dear Listeners- Eiffel: Commander, what the hell made you so sure I'd be down for the microgravity mambo with an extraterrestrial!? Minkowski: Easy. You're a B answer.

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:59 PM] you truly never live down a B answer, huh

Kat [Yesterday at 9:02 PM] filed under: discord chat concepts that took on a life of their own

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:02 PM] Hahahaha

Kat [Yesterday at 9:02 PM] that one was also my fault

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:02 PM] it makes me laugh every time so it's canon in my heart thank u

Gill [Yesterday at 9:05 PM] Eiffel: Yeah-!! Well- that was before we actually found any aliens. At the time I was assuming less "all-powerful incorporeal voice-stealing force" and more blue alien chicks from Star Wars, you know?? Or Darth Maul. God, Darth Maul was the best thing about Phantom Menace... Lovelace: Undergoing some self-reflection, are we? Eiffel: Yeah... and now that I think about it, I don't think I'm the only one. Isn't that right, Minkowski? Or should I say, Commander D-Answer? Minkowski, eyes narrowing: What're you getting at? Eiffel: I haven't heard a word of skepticism about the whole thing since Lovelace turned up! And you jumped on the "intergalactic transmissions and chill" idea pretty quickly from the sound of it... Jacobi: Holy shit can we just break into Pryce's lab and get this over with already I want out of this conversation

Kat [Yesterday at 9:06 PM] Are you insinuating you'd fuck Darth Maul

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:07 PM] I am absolutely willing to believe Eiffel would fuck Darth Maul

Gill [Yesterday at 9:07 PM] look I needed an alien dude who wasn't just White Guy From Another Planet and that was the first thing that came to mind

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:07 PM] Same whispers admiral ackbar

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:07 PM] Nah Eiffel's a normie

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] Yea you're right

Gill [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] Ok, Phantom Menace came out in May of '99, Eiffel was born in '82, he would've been 16 and a half

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] NOT A FURRY EITHER or else...

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] He talks big about a wide variety of pop culture geek stuff but he has very normie tastes when you get down to it

Gill [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] and possibly still in the kind of Goth phase that would've been receptive to Shadow The Edgehog Evil Jedi

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] LOL

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] hahaha good take

Kat [Yesterday at 9:09 PM] it's true his pop culture lexicon is pretty normie Gabriel is this a reflection on you

Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM] as someone who follows the man on Twitter: probably, yeah

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:10 PM] We have to make our own food With homestuck Eiffel

Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM] there are Homestucks on that station and if anyone tries to tell me otherwise I will face god and walk backwards into hell

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:11 PM] hahaha they lurk

Gill [Yesterday at 9:11 PM] semi-related because I was speculating about Teen Eiffel's Taste In Men and this comic came up on my Tumblr dash https://werewolf-boi.tumblr.com/post/628109055176605696/reparrishcomics-facebook-twitter-instagram</p>

[a-student-out-of-time]

Ah, fuck; at this rate, Hope's Peak is gonna turn into Charlie Kelly looking for Pepe Silvia, corkboard and all...

Meanwhile, in Meeting Room 13...

//“Take a look at this! That right there is the exam footage. Now let's talk about the footage. Can we talk about the footage, please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the footage with you all day, OK?” 

//"Kasugano," this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Kasugano's messages are getting sent to me. Kasugano! Kasugano! I look in the mail, and this whole box is Kasugano! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go out and put these handcuffs on this guy's goddamn hands! Otherwise, he's never going to get caught and he's going to keep coming back down here."

//So I go up to the headmaster’s office and what do I find out, Mac? What do I find out?! There is no Kasugano. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper." There's no Kasugano? You gotta be kidding me! I got boxes full of Kasugano!

//All right. So I start marchin' my way down to Mai in HR and I knock on her door and I say, "Maaaai! Maaaaai! I gotta talk to you about Kasugano." And when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There...is...no...Mai in HR. Mac, half the faculty members in this building have been made up. This school is a goddamn ghost town.

//...OK, Taro, I'm going to have to stop you right there. Not only do all of these people exist, but Kasugano’s been sending mail on a daily basis. It's all they're talking about up there! Jesus Christ, dude, we are going to lose our jobs!

//Well, calm down, cause here’s one thing that’s not gonna happen. We’re not gonna get fired...cause we’ve already been fired.

//We’ve lost our jobs?!

//Yeah. About three days ago, a couple pink slips came in the mail. One for you and one for me. So what did I do? I mailed them halfway to Siberia!

//If we’ve lost our jobs, that means we’ve lost our health insurance, which means all of this was for nothing! Goddammit dude, I’m actually having a panic attack!

//Will you settle down and have another cup of coffee? Alright, well, fine, you know what, Barney, give this guy a cigarette, he's freakin' out.

// BARNEY?! WHO THE HELL IS BARNEY?!

//You don’t see Barn- oh shit. Where the hell did he...?

//You’ve lost your mind. You’ve lost your goddamn mind, Taro!

[dragimal]

Longform Audio Creepypasta Recs

hey TMA fandom! as a new TMA listener but looooongtime creepypasta fan, I find it rly cool that ppl who aren’t into horror are getting into TMA! I’m hoping this will help bring fresh blood (hah) to the horror fandom, so if you’ve realized that you rather like audio horror but don’t know what else to look into, I’m here to recommend my favorite longform creepypasta narrations! 

this is far from an exhaustive list of long creepypastas, but I just want to introduce some of the stories I consider to be the best of the genre. and while I’m just reccing longform in this post, there are plenty of short one-shots I could rec if anyone wants to ask me abt a specific theme/Entity or even a specific ep of TMA (there are several MAG eps that brought me straight back to a specific creepypasta or two, lmao)

also, I’ll just be linking to MrCreepyPasta’s narrations b/c I’m heavily biased so I mostly listen to him, but there are plenty of other great narrators out there like CreepsMcPasta, CreepypastaJr, etc. (most of their names are variations on a theme asdfgh). and if u just want the text version of any of these, every video I link has a link in its own description back to the original text posting of the story

THAT outta the way, here are my recs! I’ll try to remember all the trigger warnings I can, but keep in mind I tend to be p hardy to most horror content, so there may be some things that slip past simply b/c they don’t register to me. also it’s been a minute since I’ve listened to some of these, so some have updated or I may have just forgotten some aspects. I’ll also update this if ppl find it useful and I find more good long pastas~

Penpal (2.5 hrs, complete)

op recounts some of their odd experiences as a child, all of which stem from an elementary school project involving a pen pal. as he recalls these experiences, a horrifying picture of his past begins to emerge...

easily my favorite pasta of all time-- and that’s saying something, considering there are some damn good recs here. it’s one of the first I read so long ago, and few have come close to what this one made me feel. op does an incredible job of capturing the nostalgia and childhood wanderlust of youth, and the last few lines of each chunk of the story hit like a goddamned truck-- esp "Friends”, I cry like a baby every time, it just.... hits something tender in me...

TW: stalking of children, subsequent kidnapping and child abuse at the end (and while it’s not necessarily *confirmed*, heavy implications of child sexual abuse, for that last bit). implied cat death. some graphic description of the victim of a hit-and-run

Search and Rescue Woods (~5 hrs, ongoing?)

op recalls several of the strange and disturbing experiences (their own and quoted from coworkers) of working search-and-rescue for an unnamed national forest in the US

y’know that feeling u get when u see photos lawn chairs just sitting at the bottom of the ocean? even if there’s a perfectly good explanation for why they’re there, it’s still haunting b/c it feels wrong to see them there, in that context? that’s basically this entire assortment of stories-- the obvious example being the stairs, of course, but even a lot of the human elements feel so out of place and wrong. if you’re a fan of Spiral-type horror w/ a hard edge of Stranger, this is the story for u

TW: generally clinical but graphic descriptions of mutilated bodies. use of the r-slur against an nd individual (it’s during a story that the main character is quoting from a different one-off character, so it thankfully only happens the one time..). child death, in certain stories. some wild animal death

Borrasca (2.5 hrs, complete)

Sam moves to a small mountain town with his family after his father’s job relocates them. he hears some spooky legends about the town, but doesn’t think much of them... that is, until his sister disappears. as Sam and his friends dig deeper into the town’s history to find any clues to his sister’s disappearance, they begin to realize there’s something deeply deeply wrong with their quaint little home

I’ve always loved horror that’s ‘mundane’ enough to be done by regular humans, but vague enough that it could actually be supernatural, under the right circumstances-- and this is one of those mysteries that keeps u guessing until the VERY end. my mind felt like that Pepe Silvia corkboard meme the first time I listened to this, I was losin’ it. this is also prolly one of my favorite examples of MCP’s talent as a narrator, b/c he adds in his own subtle foreshadowing with his voicework, and it blows my mind every time I listen to it again

also worth mentioning there’s a (3.5 hr) sequel! since the horror/mystery is basically done after the first one, the sequel is mostly suspense/thriller and character closure. if ur just here for the horror/mystery and the gut-punch of that first ending, then the sequel isn’t necessary. but if you want more closure for our dear sweet cast who deserve so much better, then by all means!

TW: the ending involves heavy sexual abuse (involving underage girls, no less), part of which is graphic. like I know I joke abt having to take breaks after reading emotionally exhausting stories, but I genuinely had to take a couple days of recovery after this one-- and that’s from someone who’s p hardy to all kinds of graphic content. do NOT take this warning lightly if this is a sensitive topic for you

Tales From the Gas Station (10 hrs for free, otherwise ongoing)

Jack works at a gas station at the edge of a middle-of-nowhere town. Strange things happen at the gas station-- bipedal deer stopping by for a drink, dark gods leaving vague messages, fingers growing from the ground out back, sudden lawn gnome appearances-- All just a part of the daily grind, right?

so if I wanna be totally fair, this is more a rec for Night Vale fans than anything (tho the TMA/WTNV overlap seems to be p significant). the comedic, nonchalant tone taken towards everything supernatural and horrific is p much 1:1 WTNV. I’ve genuinely cried laughing at some of the fuckshit that happens, esp anything involving Jerry. not to say that GST doesn’t have its heavy-horror moments, but the frequency is more comparable to Night Vale’s approach-- dark comedy definitely takes center stage, here. tho this also varies by the POV-- the “Finding Vanessa” arcs are told from the perspective of a more serious character, so the heavy parts are far more frequent and hit a lot harder

as for the time estimate, here’s where it gets a littleee bit complicated. the first version was put out for free, and read for free by MCP (among a few other narrators). this came out in several different parts, and the one video I linked above has compiled *most* of volume 1, but not the Halloween story, featured here. HOWEVER, the author has taken a second go at v1 and beyond, which is currently ongoing and available to buy as books or audiobooks ALSO narrated by MCP!

as for deciding which version to listen to, I’ll just try to describe the differences here. the first version was written entirely via Jack’s online forum posts, which were subject to more direct reader interaction and Jack’s scatterbrain. thus, the first version leaves a LOT more details up to reader interpretation/theorizing, straight up doesn’t have or explain certain plot arcs yet, and is very disorganized in terms of timeline all due to Jack’s canon memory issues. this all, personally, made it v fun and silly to follow, but I’m aware that’s not for everyone. the second version is written from a more standard first person narrative from Jack’s perspective. while Jack’s memory issues still make him an unreliable narrator (often *upsettingly* so in this version), the actual narrative is far more organized, complete, and easy to follow. the fun thing is that the first version can still be considered canon material to the second version, as Jack references making those very forum posts within the second version narrative. so, personally, I consider the second version to be the core cohesive story, while the first version is supplemental, fun material that provides more context for a few of the strange bits that happen in the story (like Jack’s ‘secret admirer’ makes more sense if u’ve listened to the first version). either way, the second version is the only way the story is going to continue (as far as I’m aware), so if you’re ONLY going to listen to one version of the story, listen to the second version

TW: for the first version, there are some uncomfortable jokes/implications at certain points-- associating villains/assholes with fatness and/or personality disorders is unfortunately a running theme, and a few off-color jokes are made abt some of Jack’s conditions (general mental health and his brief use of crutches). there’s also a point at which it’s implied that a specific one-off arc is a ploy to rape Jack, tho nothing actually comes of it beyond awkward scheming (but just in case, that story is specifically “Death at the Gas Station” at the very end of that long compilation, if u wanna skip it). for the second version, I believe the author was made aware of these issues and either straight-up removed or fixed most of them in some way. there’s just one point where an intentionally-questionable character uses the g*psy slur, and a few points where a regular commenter on Jack’s forum posts has w*ndigo in their username

in terms of gore for either one, uhhh maybe some descriptions of injuries? body horror? this one’s a lot harder to call for me, b/c the comedy softens the blow on a lot of the horror

Accounts From a Lonely Broadcast Station (5 hrs, ongoing)

Evelyn is the new voice of a small mountain town’s local radio station. her job is to take calls, play music (ALWAYS play the music), and broadcast emergency warnings whenever the fog rolls in from the surrounding forest. pretty standard stuff. she tries to make the most of it-- if only that damn crow with human eyes would stop watching her...

this one’s similar to Gas Station Tales with its heavy reliance on dark humor, but it takes itself a bit more seriously, with a more even split b/t genuine horror and comedy. also MCP brings in wonderful extra voice talent w/ this one, I RLY love Evelyn's va ;w;

TW: graphic descriptions of mutilation and body horror

My Friend Has Been Living in an Alternate Reality (4 hrs, complete)

op’s eccentric friend, Clint, turns up on op’s doorstep unannounced after several years missing. Clint vanishes again just as abruptly, leaving op with a journal detailing a horrifying, dangerous journey that’s almost too bizarre to believe, yet...

so this one’s more like an action/thriller with horror garnish, tbh-- very exciting and suspenseful! I love the weird, apocalyptic world Clint describes in his journals, and the societies that have cropped up around these hostile circumstances

TW: graphic descriptions of mutilation/injury

My Name is Lily Madwhip (~8 hrs, ongoing)

Lily Madwhip sees things before they happen. they’re usually horrible things like deaths and injuries that she wishes she could prevent but often can’t. at least her best friend-- an angel possessing one of Lily’s dolls-- is around to provide advice

this one’s from the perspective of a little girl, and it leans into dark humor enough to soften at least some of the more traumatic moments. Lily’s young enough that she’s somewhat removed from the full gravity of the deaths around her, but the fact that it’s happening so frequently at all seems to be warping her perspective towards death to be more... casual? is that the right word? it’s just a rly interesting perspective to see for horror. also we’ve got another rly great guest va here for Lily~

TW: brief descriptions of injury, but they’re not graphic. frequent animal death.

The Showers (2.75 hrs, complete)

op recounts a scary story he heard from a teacher back in high school about a vague location and a terrifying encounter. he later ventures to find this location to see the truth for himself, but is it worth it?

this one’s a classic-- I think it was of the first creepypasta I listened to? not this version, but I wouldn’t be able to tell u which narrator it was at the time. I won’t say that this one’s the most unique story out there, but something abt it has always stuck with me?.... idk, I think the premise rly hooks me

TW: oh god it’s been a while, but I don’t remember anything particularly triggering? maybe body horror?