#knew this was coming but i am so so sad
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it cannot be underestimated, nor understated, what a tremendous loss tony bennett is, even at the age of 96, because he truly stood as the last of the great crooners, the sensational singers of the great american songbook. those standards, written by such illustrious composers as the gershwins, cole porter, irving berlin, rodgers and hart, jerome kern, johnny mercer, et al, and the voices who sang them - frank sinatra, dean martin, nat king cole, ella fitzgerald, judy garland, peggy lee, andy williams, johnny mathis (who is still with us), the list goes on - were an indelible part of the culture, and shaped popular music, and indeed music history, in a way that we simply will never see again. their like no longer exists, and as irreplaceable as the jazz standards are, the songs that everyone once knew, sophisticated and yet always accessible, complex and yet a joy to sing, are being lost to time, less preserved as scintillating and alive and more relegated as museum pieces, which breaks my heart. lady gaga working with tony so beautifully brought some of that music back to the zeitgeist, but there's a real sense of lack of preservation as to what that music means culturally. it is an essential musical heritage, part of the fabric that all pop was built upon. "legend" is tossed around a lot, but that is what they all were, legendary. tony was one of its best interpreters, and we were so blessed to have him for as long as we did, for his embrace of younger artists that did keep that music vibrant and fresh, for the legacy he leaves. i really do pray that as time goes by (you must remember this...), that music is passed down somehow, that those golden refrains are still heard.
#tony bennett#knew this was coming but i am so so sad#thinking about gaga too because of how much he meant to her ���❤#the songbook is truly so cherished and close to my heart and the most “home” in music to me no matter what#and i just want it to be loved and remembered#bubble wrap around my heart#music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent#may his memory be a blessing
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The "letter unopened by Lucy Westenra" was a gut punch yesterday, but today's was even worse. The sorrow in Mina's voice was a hit right to my little heart, it was worse than getting caught by surprise. So tremendous voice acting, but y'all are killing me
#re: dracula#and it's like i knew this was coming! i saw everyone's live blogs for the past two years i even knew the letters would be unopened#but i got so wrapped up in it i forgotttt. and now i am sad#it's the worst (best) kind of tragedy because you keep hoping and thinking they might overcome#but also you know exactly who survives and who doesn't and there isn't hope at all#also i'm suing cast‚ director‚ and sound production for emotional damages#dracula daily
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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EPISODE 9 SPOILERS !!! EPISODE 9 SPOILERS !!!
Doodle page sneak peek ! My ass has having such a hard time drawing as of late so please take these little doobLz
#yes thats gabriel on the right#i love him so much#the suckening#jrwi#jrwi the suckening#just roll with it#jrwi fanart#jrwi suckening#arthur bennett#shilo bathroy#prince shilo#I FUCKING LOVE PICKLES SO MUCH#no one gets it#im so sad gabe died#i am 50% sure he is going to come back#25% is he comes back w/ his mind in tact and the other half is he comes back like a fucking undertale amalgam#I JUST REALIZED THAT I FORGOT ARTHUR’S CHOKER#fucckkk i knew he looked naked somehow#this is terrible news it’s so joever#bub's sillies
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#my little brother is engaged :/#don’t know if any of you remember me posting about the whole situation like 8 months ago but i feel soo weird#and sad because i want to b happy for him but he’s six yrs older than her and she’s 19..#or i guess twenty now maybe whatever i feel so aggh. and he moved to a different country so i just feel like i’m never gonna see him again#like i knew this was coming they’re both super religious so i was like yeah they’re going to want to get married and have kids fast but.#it just feels crazy. i know that’s selfish but i have such a bad gut feeling about it that i can’t shake#but i can’t do anything about it so. idk. i just feel so lonely when things like this happen because i don't have anyone outside of the#family bubble to talk to about it. and obviously everyone else is like super happy for them. and it's not that i don't like her! i just#don't really? know her? at all which feels weird because we are a very close sibling group and i feel like i know & get on with my other#siblings' partners. i think it's partly like i just don't ever hang around people who are under twenty so she feels really young to me#which isn't her fault obviously but. do feel kind of scared for her getting married at twenty so she can start having babies.... idk idk#and obviously on top of that it's my younger brother so it does feel a little salt in the wound that he's moving on with his life and i am#counting it a win these days if i don't want to kms every three minutes#god it just sucks lol and i can't talk about it 2 anyone so i am venting here
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everything is super uncertain and scary right now, so i'm trying very hard to not think about the future and just focus on the things that i want to happen. the concrete things.
i want to be in a space of my own that's clean and safe where i am surrounded by objects that are beautiful or meaningful to me. i want to be in a body that feels natural, a body that i can love instead of tolerate. i want my friends to be a short train or a bus ride away. i want to make art and write stories. i want to go on long walks in the summer and look at the animals and flowers. i want to sleep in a tent by the river. i want to make good food for myself and for the people i care about. i want to have a job i don't hate that pays me enough - not lots, just enough - that i can afford to be independent without constantly panicking over money. i want to feel at peace with where i am instead of agonising over where i'm not.
all of these things are achievable. maybe not all at the same time, maybe i can just have a couple of them, but they are achievable. i will not always feel this way. i will not always be trapped like i am now.
#i got crushingly sad the other day because i went for a walk in the park#and all the cherry blossom was out and the flowers were blooming everywhere and there were birds and it was beautiful#and i knew i should be enjoying it but all i felt was this desperate debilitating panic#about the fact that it was winter and is now spring and time is passing and my life has not changed from where it was a year ago#i thought of this and i nearly wept at how much i am wasting my life#i'm trying so hard to just savour things as they come to me instead of wishing everything was different#but it's difficult... it's so difficult#i just want to feel free
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if you only knew
#sweeney todd revival#sweeneytoddedit#sweenett#annaleigh ashford#josh groban#**#they're so beautiful it's disgusting#lovett's little recoil of disbelief that it's really him in the second gif#her little smile before steadying herself and leaning into 'you've come home'#her BIG SAD BROWN EYES FULL OF HOPE ugh i love her so bad ur honor#choices!!!! choices i love#tbt to the girl i stage doored with being like “...you're kinda here for annaleigh aren't you?” like YES. yes i am.#josh's expressions here are also tops tho#2023 revival#otp: if you only knew
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#i was. a teeny bit worried he was thinkin about retirement if i am being. quite honest.#so its nice to hear him come out the gate like i wanna be here for a long time !#motogp#callie speaks#marc marquez#he really was so sad at honda :( like i knew but.#int
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It's so odd though, being in Warsaw and seeing the innumerable plaques on every street that say "X number people were shot here on Date (Somewhere between 1939-1945)" and know that soon enough everyone who remembers will be gone and those plaques will be all that is left.
#My grandfather who died this summer was two years younger than Anne Frank#Sad as I am to say that I never knew him close enough to properly mourn but I'm nostalgic for a generation#And they are the last one; the children of the War — no one comes after#idk why it bothers me so much exactly — I don't believe in death metaphysically speaking#— and why should I mourn that the ghosts of such horror be finally put to rest. Why am I so insistent on *this* being living memory#but...#therese rambles#history#ww2#forgive me for always harping on the same tune. I'm in Warsaw all the time now and it is autumn.
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Oof when Vee said “Goodbye P’San” I personally felt that in my heart. That was the saddest shit I have heard as of this moment.
#century of love#sanvee#OUR KHUN VAD DOPELGANGER JUST TOOK OFF WITH THE FIVE COLOURED STONE#OOOOOOOHHHH MY GODDDDDDD#I knew what was coming in ep 7 but to watch it all goes down I wasn’t ready TT#SAN IS DYING :(#I cried so much during the exchange between vee grandma and vee#all the way to Vee kneeling down and crying outside San’s residence#I AM SAD
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Fic idea: Before or during his Red Hood plan. A returned from the pit Jason Todd is determined to make it to his high school senior prom
WAIT EVEN BETTER, It'd be longer and harder to write but I really like the idea of Jason just casually going to highschool too, and maybe it leads up to the prom. He just shows back up one day. Does something that manages to keep media attention off of him. Would it be before Red Hood? would it encourage him to not don the helmet? Would he do it while Red Hooding? Would he finally get to join an after school theater club?
#jason todd#red hood#dc comics#batman#theres Multiple stories about his school though i cant remember off the top of my head#immediately what comes to me is an annual where he's shown being friends with 3 boys who try to change their grades#its a very fun story#now i dont separate pre and post crisis in my mind well so the rest is probably most likely pre#-the bullies who tried to get others to do drugs#-rena(?) his girlfriend (definitely precrisis)#-the two girls who saw him reading a newspaper and said he was like a silver fox or something#i wpuld like to edit this to show comic numbers eventually#ANYWAY#back to the post#does anyone know he's alive? well. no. but he and talia can certainly have some strings pulled to make it look it#i cant stop thinking about this actually#i want him to go to prom and hang out with kids his age who knew him#and mostly thought he was a loser nerd stick in the mud. i feel jason would prefer that over the anger narrative the heros have#jason getting to dress in a fancy little suit! having a quick dance with rena!#i never got to go to prom so i am projection my desire onto jason also#its not like a big desire but im sad i never got to experience it#fic prompt#?#do i have a tag for this#EDIT: Comic references in the reblog now !
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always so funky to be reminded that your parents might love you but they don’t actually like you very much
#wasn’t i supposed to leave that feeling behind with puberty?#anyway mama decided i have no christmas wish#the sad little guy who can’t get nice things for themself also doesn’t get to ask for them now during the ‘ask for things’ time of the year#it’s not about christmas it’s not about material things it’s about looking me in the glassy eyes and asserting ‘you have no wish’#when wishing is all i ever do you just never create a space safe enough for me to voice them#blah#not st#i’m so so sorry that whining is all i ever do anymore and i shouldn’t be so sad about this over and over again#i’m just. so small. tiny. and insignificant. i might not have been there all day and 99% of the conversations would have happened the same#i wanna stop feeling this way but i think in order to stop feeling this way i need to stop wanting to be loved and seen and listened to#by my mom. and i don’t think it’s entirely human or possible to stop wanting that. so oh well#i don’t know if i give them reason to like me. maybe i don’t. this might all be on me actually.#if she knew i’m crying about this she’d roll her eyes and say ‘you know how i am. sorry you misunderstood me’#why do the blows keep coming? when’s it my turn to rest?
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#waiting to start not one but TWO immunosupressants and knowing exactly what date it's going to happen is so weird#because there's a deadline on your immune system now#and i spend most of the time not really thinking about it and then out of nowhere I'll be like#oh yeah#in just under two weeks I won't have my good immune system anymore#i wont be able to rely on it as i always have because it won't be there#and i know Exactly when it's going to happen#it's. in all honestly it feels bizarrely like being at the vets when sobi was put to sleep#it was the right thing to do it was the right time to so it and i knew it was coming#we need to do this so my immune system doesn't keep eating my intestines in its fervour#it's the right thing to do it's the right time to do it it's needed and necessary but I'm grieving all the same#yes okay maybe it's stupid to equate starting immunosuppressants with my pet dying#maybe im being overdramatic about all this#ive had people tell me it probably wont be that bad it'll probably just give me a normal system j shoudl stop stressing about all this#i should stop feeling so sad about all this#and that doesn't help one fucking bit#i do feel sad about this. i feel very sad about this. i am experiencing grief about this#dont tell me to make my emotions smaller#the nurse said i would could as high risk. that i will need to avoid people who even just have colds#this is not a small change. this is me losing something i have relied on for my entire life#something i have taken a stupid pride in for my entire life#and it feels just like being at the vets. gently stroking sobi's head as he died#putting him to sleep. putting my immune system to sleep. telling it did well#it'll come back one day i know (i hope) but for now it has a deadline#crunchy rambles
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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SVT coming to Europe for the first time ever in 9 years (not counting Gastonbury, cause that was sold out a year before they were announced, so carats didn't get a chance to go) and it's not even going to be ot13 should be a crime.. AND IT'S BECAUSE OF A SCHEDULE?!
#maja talks#i'm so upset for real#like i'm happy for jun and all but really?#you announced lollapalooza long ago and now suddenly he's got something else?#i'm not even going but got fuck you hybe i hate you so so so much#i will never not be angry about hybe ruining my chances to see svt live#like fuck you so much#(but maja covid was the reason for the 2020 cancelations yeah but hybe is the reason they never got rescheduled!!!)#i saw one of my mutuals from like 2015 make a post a couple of years ago about how she got to see svt as 13 four times in one year#and here i am as a european being shit on for 9 years straight#i hate it here so much and i'm so upset and i probably shouldn't be this upset but i am#fuck hybe and fuck bang shihyuk and fuck everyone that made that fuckass company so powerful#i hate it so much#i knew they were never going to take coming to europe seriously after joining that fuckass company#and yet i can't help but be so damn disappointed#it's been 9 years...#i remember where i was when the 2020 europe dates were announced#i was sitting in a train and i was so happy i was shaking so hard#i got a ticket with a great seat for the Berlin concert and i was so happy#i've never been so excited and happy#and then covid happened and everything got cancelled and they never even addressed it#they only ever said “we were sad the tour ended earlier than expected” in their yt documentary and that was the only mention of it#then the japan dome tour had to be pushed forward (not even really cancelled if i remember correctly) and they made wholeass apology videos#saying how sad they were and blah blah blah still no mention of europe at all#then like the day after europe got cancelled they uploaded a video of hoshi dancing with fans at one of the us stops#and it really just felt like they stepped on my heart and threw it in a trashcan lol#then they joined hybe and hybe got obsessed with dynamic pricing and ruined everything#ruined all chance of us seeing them as ot13#(maybe they'll finally acknowledge us for real when they get back from enlistment in maybe 6 years but who knows)#i for real shouldn't be this affected
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WHAT IF I CRY. WHAT IF I BREAK DOWN SOBBING
#happy for jun and his acting career (i will just also miss him)#AND GOD JEONGHAN#GOODBYE GOODLUCK#SOBS#i knew this was coming why does is it still so painful#god we just got ot13 back and now it’s going again i’m gonna cry#when will we have ot13 again truly#GOD i got into seventeen late last year i could’ve joined within any of the seven years before that#why did i become a carat so close to enlistment#seventeen#svt#y’all. when all my army friends were sad over enlistment i felt bad for them but i was also like “glad i’m not an army rn lowkey”#“all my favorite groups still have many years to go before military !”#THEN HOSHI ATTACKED ME LIKE A FERAL TIGER AND HOOKED ME INTO SEVENTEEN#and now here i am#it’s only one member enlistment rn but it will be a steady trickle in the coming years and that makes me sad#not a poll#yoon jeonghan#wen junhui
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