#kitchen arts and letters

[galina]

Another truly excellent bookshop I could have spent all day in, a true home for lovers of cooking, kitchens, food — Kitchen Arts & Letters, NYC

[endogenesis-evangelion]

collectible

[elizabugz]

[timmurleyart]

I love pomegranates! ❤️😋🔴🌞☀️

[archive-of-artprompts]

😸Doodle Furry🐶

Send in a number + letter for a drawing of a furry character based on those emojis! (Emojis from Emoji Kitchen)

[shellhawk]

New Legacy mug! Handmade and ready for your bunker!

Now in the ShellHawk's Creations Etsy store!

[itsindyart]

Decorative Kitchen Plaque "Here the main seasoning is love"

[nanamiskentos]

SCORCHED EARTH ✤ (五条 悟, gojo satoru)

── NO GOD, THE ONLY MAN IN THE SKY IS ME. Gojo Satoru is the nation's treasure, and its most dangerous asset. In a world where Supes are lauded as celebrities and heroes, there's only a select few that sees superheroes for what they really are ─ cogs in the propaganda machine, corrupt and lecherous. You're determined to hunt down the golden boy that leads them, to find Gojo Satoru and bring him down. But he's just as obsessed with you, and he gets to you first.

➤ 𝐉𝐉𝐊, gojo satoru & afab!reader, wc ─ 5k

cw ─ MDNI. enemies to lovers, THE BOYS AU, love/hate sex, HOMELANDER GOJO 😁, superhero au, cat & mouse dynamics, vigilante!reader, evil!gojo to some extent, mentions of a plane crash to be safe, kitchen sèx, breaking n' entering but they're into that, súb!gojo if u squint, fíngèring, òral (f), usage of powers, 3x01 homelander/butcher inspired, BIG DÍCK GOJO!!

呪術廻戦 : 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ( author says ) s/o to the evil man who inspired the gojo in this fic. and these scenes: 1/2 ofc (i'd rec watching to understand who reader/gojo is also inspired by). art, gojouify.

A ballpoint cap balances between your teeth as you scribble furiously, blue ink streaking across a spare napkin. The address is way too far out, a shipping container, two hours away and tucked into the skeletal maze of the port.

"This is a long drive for a maybe." You press the phone tighter against your ear, frowning at the scrawled numbers and letters, "You're sure I'll find something?"

On the other end, Nanami exhales sharply, the sound of a clock ticking faintly over the static. He's still in the office, no doubt hunched over a desk lit by the sickly glow of a desk lamp.

"Well," he hedges, ever the careful one, "I wouldn't go alone."

You tip your chair back, gaze drifting to the chaotic sprawl of files pinned to the red-string board by the wall. Photographs, names, offshore accounts that all lead back to the same festering rot. Lawmakers, politicians and billionaires.

The smiling, all-powerful titans who owned the system that was supposed to hold them accountable.

At the centre of it all? Gojo Satoru. The strongest superhero that the world had ever seen, barely held in check by Vought and international courts.

You chew at the soft inside of your cheek, "And you're sure this is the best lead we have?"

"After that shitshow at Congress?" Nanami sounds tired, stretched far too thin, "This is the only lead we have, or the only thing that I can find right now."

Ah, yes. The hearing.

The day you almost had them — Gojo, Vought and every polished, pre-packaged lie they peddled. A smoking gun to set the set the system ablaze.

And then, you could only watch the live television stream as every key witness's head popped like a balloon. Blood spraying against mahagony desks, gray matter splattered across the Capitol.

And not many had managed to escape that room unscathed. Save for a select few politicians and reporters, dealing out breathless, shaken interviews alongside an unshaken Gojo Satoru and Congressmen Geto.

You exhale through your nose, fingers tightening around the napkin, "Yeah, I'll check it out. See if I can find somethin' to nail that cunt."

"Let me know what you find," Nanami intones, a pause. And then, in a far more cautious tone, like he already knows you won't take heed, "Stay safe. And if you do come across Gojo, do not engage with him. In any way."

The line clicks dead.

You toss the streaky pen aside, reaching instead for the amber bottle on the cluttered table, the burn of whisky that's begging to be made familiar once more.

Regardless, it's far too late now to head out and check the address, for night has fallen and you doubt you'll manage to get far.

Beyond the murky glass of your balcony doors, the city pulses with sleepless energy. Neon signs flickering like dying embers, billboards — no doubt plastered with the airbrushed faces of the Supes who run this nation.

Sirens wail in the distance, and somewhere, far beyond the skyline you swear you see it.

A streak of white and blue, fast as lightning, splitting the sky for a fraction of a second. You blink, gummy and dry, nothing. Just the tired hallucinations of an exhausted, paranoid mind.

Pretending that there isn't a ghost in the sky watching you right back.

Your apartment is dying.

The walls peel like old skin, flaking onto the floors that were never properly finished. The overhead light's flickering, buzzing with a weak and dying hum. And the power outlets sputter like they resent being used. It's not a home, it never really was. Just another hideout, another temporary grave you haven't had to lie down in yet.

You press your knuckles into your eyes, willing the exhaustion away, but it sits heavy in your bones. Haven't you been running long enough? But even now, even here, you know it's not enough.

Because he knows. Gojo Satoru must have caught onto your trail months ago, and you can feel it in the way that the law often seems to let you go, and nation-wide manhunts culminate in no harm done. Like Gojo's toying with you.

Your fingers skim over the mess of papers on the table, stopping beneath a stack of unpaid bills and flyers. A small USB drive, wrapped in blue and silver.

Ah. Flight 37, a transatlantic flight carrying 123 passangers that never managed to land safely. But a goldmine had been fished out the torn wreckage, a shaky video clip that held proof of what Gojo Satoru truly was.

Not a saviour, not a hero. Not the golden boy that was worshipped on screens, talk shows and the international stage of diplomacy.

There's a prickling sensation under your skin, a slow burn that crawls up your arms. Then, it sinks deeper, heat. Your stomach clenches, cramping up as nausea slams into you like a freight train, your head spinning, your vision pulsing black at the edges.

You stumble, dropping the USB on the table as desparate fingers gripping the kitchen counter to stay upright. But you recognise the blisters blooming on the pads of your fingers, slow and ugly welts that bloom like flowers of rot.

This is no wayward sickness, for you would recognise the familiar decay of radioactive exposure. Something that's not quite human, or mortal.

Your blood turns to ice. Hold tightening around the edge of the counter, nails digging into the cheap laminate. Slowly, carefully, you approach the balcony.

The terracotta curtains are coarse under your fingers as you pull them aside. The city beyond is still alive, cars streaking through wet pavements and lights beaming in the smog. But it all feels muted.

Standing on the ledge, hands folded neatly behind his back, Gojo Satoru.

Your breath stutters as you force yourself to inhale, exhale. Slow and steady, through your nose. Whatever sick ploy he's radiating, you know it's simply meant to shake you. A twisted power play on his end.

So you hold your ground, and after a moment, the nausea ebbs. The blisters on your fingertips sealing over, cells stitching the edges of your frayed flesh back together.

You've never seen Gojo out of that deep blue suit, never without the brass eagles that pin the ridiculous cape over his broad back. Most heroes at least pretend to be human, some charade that they cling to for the chance of a secret life, away from the eyes of the press and the authorities. Supes often put on disguises, and casual clothes, something to blend in with the mortals that they claim to protect.

But Gojo?

There's no separation, no mask nor pretense. He doesn't walk among mortal men, he hovers above them. There's no separating him from the brutal power he wields — capable of striking a laser through a man's skull, or razing a city to rubble. Just a god with a PR-approved script, and the power to carve regimes into ribbons.

And yet, aren't you still standing?

If the strongest wanted you dead, he would have made a spectacle of it. Blood and fireworks for the evening news, another death used as collateral propaganda so the masses can thank him. That's the only mercy that Gojo knows.

You school your features, masking the instinct to flee. Or toss a plastic chair at his face. Gojo is akin to a hungry shark, and fear is blood in the water. You know that the safest way to deal with him is sheer indifference. If you give him nothing, he has nothing to bite or feast on.

You tilt your head, resting your weight against the large window as you pry it open. Letting the night air seep in, cold pricking at your skin, but it's nothing compared to the chill that Gojo's already dragged in with him.

He's staring. The blindfold is gone, and those impossible blue eyes fix on you, as though they're trying carve a jagged cut straight your ribcage — his handsome features stilled to stone.

You arch a brow, "If you're here to watch me get off, it'll cost you a tenner."

A beat of silence. And then, the smallest flicker of something that isn't amusement, but not quite irritation. Gojo doesn't rise to the bait, but his brow ticks up. The barest movement, as though he's debating whether or not to indulge you.

Jaw twitching as though Gojo seems to chew his words, slow and measured, "May I come in?"

You stare at him, gaze sweeping up and down, almost against your will. The way his suit hugs his body, emphasising the unfair curve of his chest, the sharp lines of Gojo's muscles, the tensions in the fabric as it stretches taut over skin. Eyes falling to the strand of white hair that flutters across his face, swaying in the night's breeze. Absurdly perfect, as if he's crafted from some celestial ideal.

But you refuse to indulge him, pressing your lips together tightly, not even a flicker of acknowledgement to the fact that he's standing on your balcony like he owns the damn place. Slowly, you step aside from the window, taking the invitation. Gojo doesn't need permission, but you give it anyway.

As Gojo sweeps past, your eyes linger on the sharp strands of his undercut, the delicate sweep of his hair, so pale it almost looks unreal. But you can see his nose wrinkle, disgust painted across his fine features as electric eyes skim the clutter of your apartment. The peeling walls, the cracked appliances, the mess of papers strewn across your table.

Gojo stops at the red string board, his gaze lingering on the photos and notes that have been painstakingly pinned up, and you see his mouth twitch. As though he's amused by your conspiracy, your obsession, your silent war.

"It's really always about me, isn't it?" Gojo's tone carries the faintest edge of mockery, that damn entertained smile curling the corners of his petal-pink lips.

Your jaw tightens, a flash of anger rearing up inside you. You tear your gaze away from him, "Why are you here? Got no-one to fuckin' torture over at Vought?"

Gojo sighs, almost theatrically, and he's puffing his cheeks out. As though he's bored, like this is a mild inconvenience for him, "So, you're going on a trip tomorrow, huh?"

You track his gaze to the napkin still resting on the table, the address scribbled carelessly across its surface, "What's it to you?" Hoping that your voice is level, and as neutral as it can get.

Gojo Satoru doesn't quite answer immediately. Instead, he pulls off those thick blue gloves, one finger at a time. His hands are oddly elegant, but you know just how capable they are of ending a life in a second, how capable they are of tearing a throat out without breaking a sweat. The very same hands now tuck the gloves into the bronze-metal band of his belt with an almost unsettling level of care.

"Well, I'm just hurt you're going somewhere without me," Gojo quips slyly, "We could have had ourselves a little road trip, sweetheart. Thelma and Louise on the open road, eh?"

You don't say anything, although you're dying to mention how Thelma & Louise ends. Gojo just rolls his searing-blue eyes skywards dramatically, as though he's used to your stubborn attitude.

"Y'know, I could jus' pull you apart, limb by limb," Gojo tacks on casually, "Make you tell me where you're going."

You can feel the tension in your gut tighten, but you refuse to let the Supe catch onto it, although you have no doubt that his superhuman senses can hear the beat of your heart pumping, every hitch in your breath.

"Nah," you bite back, "That'd be worthless. Victim always goes into shock. You gotta' start small. Fingers, nails, ears..." Your voice trails off, calling Gojo's bluff, forcing your words out as if the prospect doesn't shake you.

Gojo's vibrant, jewel-tone stare doesn't break, but the amusement in his eyes sharpens like iron against a whetstone. "It could be a matter of national security, you know," he murmurs, "I have a duty to protect his nation, to weed out any enemies of the state."

You huff in weary, mock exasperation, dragging a hand over your chin in faux-contemplation, "Look, uh, I don't mean to be rude, but can we just skip to the part where you laser my fuckin' brains out?"

Gojo just swears under his breath, "Oh, for fuck's sake," he's muttering, side-stepping around your rickety table, stepping closer as an almost fond smile tugs at his lips, "Where's the fun in that? Come on, look at ya'. It'd be like putting down a wounded dog?"

You don't flinch, you refuse the possibility. But there's that pulse of heat, low in your spine, when Gojo leans into your space. An electric storm about to crack wide as he studies you, eyes falling to the table where your cards are laid out blatantly, and you jolt. Remembering the innocuous little thing, that USB. The one that could very well be his undoing.

"What do you have on me, doll?" Gojo drawls, his voice smooth and untempered, towering over you like an impossibly magnetic force. You hold your ground as his eyes widen, "You do have something, I presume?"

With slow precision (and trembling fingers), you lift the USB, dangling it between your nails as Gojo's eyes flicker for a split second. Amused smile slipping just enough to show something that's less calculated. As though he knows what you grasp, what you're capable of.

Gojo's expression hardens for a split moment, blush-pink lips parted as he watches you, drinks in the sight of you gredily. All before cold steels locks into place once more, his demeanour laced with something far more callous, like a man cornered who knows exactly how to strike back.

"Go ahead. Release it," Gojo steps closer, until you can feel his breath against your skin, and you catch the tang of iron and clean, expensive leather. "Let's light this candle, huh? I mean, sure, I'll lose everything, doll. But then, I'll have nothin' to lose." His voice is quiet, but there's unmistakable malice beneath it.

"First, I'll take out the nerve centres. The seat of the government, the High Courts. Then, any domestic defense capabilities. Critical infrastructure, cellular, Internet, all of it. And then?" Gojo pauses, teeth catching onto the plush flesh of his lower lip.

"Then, I'll just wipe this city right off the fuckin' map, for fun," Gojo adds, a dark smile curling at the edges of his lips, "Hell, I'll throw in that little town your friend's from. Kento, right? Nanami, from the office? Because, why not?"

Gojo's lips brush the shell of your ear, and you resist the urge to shiver, locking your eyes with his own defiantly, venomously as he continues, "See, sweetheart, I'd prefer to be loved. Y'know, as the strongest, I really would. But if you take that away from me? Well, being feared is A-one, okey-doke by me."

Gojo wants you to challenge him, to hear you break the silence with something other than terror, "So, doll," he murmurs, practically cooing, "Go ahead. Do it." His lips curl, sharp fangs poking out from his glossy, red mouth, "No? You don't wanna? Well, then, I'd say you have absolutely no fuckin' leverage. Because I am the strongest, and I can really do whatever the fuck I want."

You blink angrily, breath catching as Gojo watches you with an almost affection gleam in his eyes. As though he's enjoying this, this sparring match where he's got you pinned. So you swallow thickly, and deep down, you know he's right.

Gojo Satoru is unstoppable. He could easily turn on the world that worships him, props him up, and there's nothing anyone could do about it. No nuclear treaty, no tank nor fighter jet could stand a chance against Unlimited Void or Hollow Purple.

There's no undoing the seams and stitches that hold Gojo together. None, apart from...

Your eyes flicker downwards, instinctively, to the thick curve that bulges through the tight suit he dons. That mouth-watering, delicious bulge that's packed, and if Gojo steps any closer, it would jostle against your thigh.

You inch closer, smoothly, grasping at the stray strand of ice-white hair to tuck it behind Gojo's ears. His expression widening, raw and open for a split second as he shivers, purrs.

"Say I call your bluff, Gojo," you say coolly, "What are you gonna' do, right here, right now?" Your hand trails away from his ear, brushing the high, stiff collar of his suit. Fingers gently pressing into the warm flesh of his neck. You feel his pulse jump under your touch, staccato beats that hiccup along.

And you could have sworn that Gojo breathes out a gentle sigh, lips parting around the words, "Finally."

But his cerulean eyes are narrowed, jaw still clenched, as though he's trying to figure out your angle. Now, he truly does push closer to you so that packed curve brushes against your thigh. And it's big, larger-than-life, like everything about Gojo Satoru is.

Fuck this, you shake your head, as though you're tossing away your rationality. Reaching up to thread your fingers through soft, white hair. Pulling Gojo closer as he groans, closing the distance. Lips crashing against your own, forceful and desperate.

You can feel Gojo freeze, stutter as he seems to work through his shock. But then, something irrevocably shifts in him. Ocean-blue eyes fluttering close, so white lashes kiss his creamy skin. A large hand gripping at your waist, pulling you impossibly close.

It's rough, and messy — and your tongue lingers on the taste of something like espresso, and sweet, sugar syrup to boot. The creamy taste of Gojo Satoru that lingers on your tongue and makes your mouth water.

"Tch', you –" Gojo murmurs, as though all the air in the world has been stolen from his lungs, "You jus' don't k-know how long I've wanted this. Ever since you, heh, fired that bullet at me when we first met."

His tone is erratic, large hands splayed against the small of your back, pushing you further against the kitchen counter.

"That shit went right through ya' head," you breathe, struggling to stay steady against the hard plane of Gojo's form, the muscles curling into you, "Didn't do a fuckin' thing."

Gojo's giggling, giggling as though he's already drunk on your touch, so utterly dangerous. Tugging at your top, fingers spread wide over the curve of your chest. Flicking at the sharp peaks of your nipples, "Waste of a perfectly good round, eh, doll?"

The tips of Gojo's ears are a searing shade of crimson, as he's pulling and toying with your clothes. You have never, ever in your wildest and most illicit fantasies imagined Gojo Satoru like this.

You've never pictured him so obedient, so desperate to meld into your hold. Bright blue eyes glazed over, filmy and hazy as his cheeks are mottled pink.

The most dangerous man in the entire world (or so you'd wager) has you firm against the cracking plastic of your counter, with his lips finding home on whatever skin he can find. Kissing, bruising, sucking at the tender flesh in a way that you know will leave blooming marks.

"C-can I?" Gojo pleads, as though he hasn't spent a lifetime whispering quiet threats into your ear, but now his large hand is softly pressed against the back of your neck.

Slick-strands falling from his lips as he sips at your taste, sucking gently on your tongue.

He kisses you firmly with such force that it leaves you dizzy, and the way he strokes at your cheek with a bruised knuckle is far too tender for a man who's practically a walking, ticking bomb.

He's roughly cupping your tits, kneading at the soft fat and flesh, "Hah, pretty, aren'tcha?" Strands of snow-white hair tickling at your neck as Gojo leans his head down, wrapping his lips around your nipple, lickin' and sucking wherever he can reach.

You arch your spine, pulling Gojo even closer. Grinding your clothed core right up against the hard length taut in that damned suit. Feeling every inch brush up against you.

"F-fuck," Gojo murmurs, slurring out babble and praise out through his kiss-swollen lips. You're slowly rocking your hips back and forth, unintentionally honestly, but you're desperate for some friction to relieve the ache that's blooming within your searing groin.

The pads of his fingers are tilting your jaw at the perfect angle, swollen lips sticky against yours, "Just like that," Gojo grunts, running his pink tongue over the kiss-bitten flesh of your own mouth, "N-not so mouthy now, are we?"

But then, because you think Gojo Satoru is unable to go even a second without antagonising you, the white-haired man is lifting his head. Glossy eyes tearing over your apartment as he pulls an unimpressed face, "Damn, this place is kinda' a dump. You really live like this?"

Your fingers latch onto the stray strands on his head, bucking your hips into his bulge harsher, "Says the cunt who made me a fugitive."

Gojo shakes his head, making a faint pshh, dismissive sound as he scoops you up, biceps not even curling to strain as he roughly stomps towards your meagre, thin bed. Laying you flat on the flat mattress as he rumples the waistband of your pants, hooking his thumb underneath the fabric.

You don't even realise it at first, but you're admiring those razor-sharp, strikingly handsome features. Watching as Gojo tugs at his cape, rough and coarse until the fabric tears away from his shoulder plates — until the azure stars and stripes end up on the wooden floor discarded.

"So, doll, how exactly do ya' want me? " Gojo titters, gently pulling a finger into the flimsy cotton of your panties. You can see his nose twitch, eyes flutter shut for a split second as he visibly reels from the messy, filthy slick pooling under his nails. You can only groan, arching at the sudden stimulation as he begins to crook his fingers faster against your folds.

You suddenly pull your thighs taut together, clenching the flesh to trap his hand, "Taste me, Gojo." Breath shuddering as Gojo's fingers suddenly still, ice-blue eyes blown wide at your gall to give him a command.

But he's always been an excellent soldier, hasn't he? Because he seems to be moving on autopilot, pulling his dripping fingers away and gently lolling his tongue on your translucent sheen, "Hah, I can't believe you're g-giving me orders." Gojo almost whimpers at your sweet tang, desperate to have your pussy drool into his waiting mouth.

"M-more, can you – oh, fuck," You inhale sharply, feeling Gojo's fingers imprint on your thighs, firmly spreading your legs apart so he can shuffle further back, his breath moist against your wet cunt, "Heh, never thought you'd ever be like this."

Gojo gives you a flat look, the underside of his eyes crinkling as he stares at you, "Don't get used to t-this." He's grumbling, but his eyes are blown wide, tongue darting out of his mouth to catch a stray drop of your precious arousal dribbling down your inner thigh, "It's just 'cause –"

You don't give his smart-alec mouth time to formulate any words, groaning as you pull at the thick, soft and tousled strands of white hair. Letting the tip of his sharp nose nudge against your clit as Gojo suddenly muffles a desparate, thirst-laden whine, "Mhm, mhm, fuck!"

"Yeah, y-yeah," You breathe, sighing in relief as he presses his tongue flat against your pussy, laving thickly at the glossy folds that he's desperate to munch at, "That's what I thought."

Stifled sounds prick at your ears, a mantra of words falling from Gojo's mouth, something that sounds suspiciously like "Thank you, t-thank you, thank —." The strongest man in the entire world losing his mind, so grateful to wrap his lips against your swollen bud, your throbbing clit as he sucks. Hard.

Your walls clench suddenly, and you can feel the tip of Gojo's tongue prod at your entrance. That length somehow managing to render you gummy, dazed and speechless as he pushes the wet muscle into your cunt, "Ah, ahh, 'Toru, please."

Nothing prepares you for how Gojo's long, slender fingers come to slap at your pussy. Lengthy digits pistoning right into your tender, sensitive walls as he's eager to curve and search for that sweet spot that will make you scream, "What'dya call me, sweets? 'Toru?"

Gojo's looking up at you, and if you didn't know better, you'd say his expression was almost shy. Those eyes, blue like the core of a searing star, like something inhuman was barely contained and desperate to break free. There's something eerie about how bright they are, how they seem to glow even in the dim, murky light of your apartment.

There's glossy, snapping strands of Gojo's new favourite thirst-quencher falling from his lips as he laps at you. Long lashes fluttering against high cheekbones as there's a slight sheen of exertion beading at his temple, "If, if I had known that all I had to do to shut ya' up was eat you out, then —" Gojo whistles low, the vibrations echoing through your cunt, "Woulda' drank this pussy a longgg time ago."

You buck your hips against his nose, canting against his shapely nose bridge, "Don't get c-cocky." Seems that Gojo's just that desperate for you to boss him around, because he's already turning his attention and bratty mouth back to your cunt, licking you right up until he's certain you're seeing stars.

He's still got his suit on, broad-shoulders snugly wrapped in the textured fabric. Sculpting over his bicep even as he draws you even closer, until he's face to face with his new, second favourite girl. With you being his number #1, of course, Gojo isn't afraid to admit that you plotting to kill him has turned him on immensely over the years.

The idea of you planting your thighs around his head 'til he's devoid of air has had him pulling and jerking at his cock, whimpering until he was shooting blanks.

"Come on," and Gojo's snickering at his own play on words, "Or s-should I say c-cum on." Smacking his lips filthily against your folds, fingers pushing at your clit and rubbing furious circles over and over again until you feel the world go blank, and you're star-struck.

Gojo's whispering sweet nothings, adoring praise into your cunt as you ride out your high against his face, "Pretty girl, s-so good for me, heh. Think 'm fuckin' addicted."

You're already lazily pulling yourself up, propping yourself back on your elbows as you take in the sight of a teary-eyed Gojo Satoru. You watch as he pulls himself up, frame towering over you in the flimsy bed as he tugs and paws at the thick, firm bulge in his suit. Now darkened with a translucent patch of his release.

Gojo's fisting his hand over his cock in some ineffective form of relief, "Wanna' show you, g-gorgeous, wanna' show you how the strongest fucks."

But then, his eyes are looking up, wide and superhuman. Searing blue that lights up the dim room like a torch, and it's only then you notice that the lightbulb that once precariously teetered from your ceiling has shattered, and there's a crack in the large window that you swore you've never seen before.

And clutched within Gojo Satoru's fingers, shards of silver metal and blue chips. Fuck, that hag, that doped-up cunt must have had that USB clenched between his fingers the entire time, swiping it off the table when you pulled him in.

"Don't look at me like that, sweetheart," Gojo scoffs, pulling out a cock that beams with an angry, red mushroom tip. Thick spurts of cum already clinging to the slit as he hisses, and your thighs clench in anticipation of the delicious split, "I got something b-better for you right here."

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Stop the world I wanna get off with you

pairing: hyunjin x afab!reader

genre: fluff, smut

synopsis: your sweet boyfriend comes up with a way to make you feel even more connected as a couple.

wc: 7.2k

warnings: tantric sex ~ a meditative form of sex. the aim is to be present in the moment to achieve a sensual and fulfilling sexual experience, connecting with your lover on a more profound level.

(aka edging, soft lovemaking, sensual touch, making out, oral (f and m), handjob, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie)

a/n: i wrote this in two days (had to power through + it's not proofread so excuse any mistakes) and it felt so sweet and intimate and made me even more soft for hyune. happy birthday to my beloved hyune who deserves the entire universe and more💕

masterlist

You had just gotten home from work, the tiredness settling in your bones as you shucked off your shoes and coat with a deep exhale.

"Jinnie?" you called out to your beloved, scanning the living room and kitchen area in hopes of seeing a sign of him. With a little pout on your face, you made your way to the bedroom.

You slowly opened the door, thinking that he must be napping but your brows shot up in surprise when you didn't find him there either, nor heard the shower running in the bathroom.

"Jinnie?" you repeated but no answer. You shook your head with a small smile.

There was only one place you'd find him now.

You made your way to the guest room turned art studio where he was probably painting with his earphones in.

You knocked and quietly opened the door, finally finding your boyfriend, but he wasn't sitting in front of a canvas painting, he was sat at the desk, staring at his laptop. His brows were furrowed in concentration as his eyes scanned the letters on the screen, his teeth gnawing at his lip.

Upon hearing the door open, he looked up, his face softening into a smile when he laid his eyes upon you.

"Oh, hey love. I didn't hear you come in." Hyunjin said, beckoning you to come closer.

You walked closer to him and he wrapped his arm around you, swiftly pulling you in his lap and making you squeal in surprise. Your arms automatically wrapped around his shoulders as he leaned in, kissing your jaw and cheek.

"What's got you so concentrated?" you giggled a little, caressing the back of his head, the buzzed hair soft under your palm.

Hyunjin's eyes fluttered as he gently caressed your cheek, pressing his lips on yours.

"Something I wanted us to try for a long time." he whispered against your lips, kissing you slowly again. You could never get enough of his kisses, you loved it all from the little pecks he'd give you as he giggled to the most desperate and passionate make out sessions where you couldn't get enough of each other, always needing more.

"Oh yeah?" you smirked. "Something naughty?"

"Not really." Hyunjin shook his head and motioned towards his laptop, adjusting you on his lap so you were turned towards the screen. He leaned his chin on your shoulder, one arm wrapped around your stomach and his free hand scrolling up the page.

"Tantric sex?" your eyes widened, cheeks burning instantly.

"Mhm. Have you heard about it?"

"I have. It's supposed to be like meditative and sensual?" you asked, your hand caressing his arm that was holding you.

"Something like that." Hyunjin chuckled. "I just want us to connect like never before. I want to be close to you in every way possible. I want to explore you and love every part of you." he talked, his lips constantly making contact with the back of your neck.

Goosebumps appeared on your skin and you shivered, grabbing at his hand and intertwining your fingers as you turned to look at him.

"Hyunjin." you sighed, your heart beating fast against your chest.

"Don't feel pressured, my love. It's just a suggestion. You don't have to say yes." he smiled sweetly at you.

"Tell me more about it." you whispered, turning to face him fully and gently taking his face in your hands. Hyunjin giggled a little, nuzzling into your palms.

"Okay well, the point is to be in the moment with your partner, take your time as you explore each other and do stuff like breathe together and just touch each other. It doesn't have to be just sex, it's not about getting to the finish line, it's more about enjoying the journey." he explained and you nodded.

"It's supposed to bring us closer together. And when you do finish at the end, it's like the best full body orgasm you can experience." he added.

"So basically it's a huge edge fest?" you joked and Hyunjin laughed.

"Kind of, if you wanna look at it that way." he searched your eyes.

"Of course I wanna be closer to you, my love. It sounds like something wonderful, like an out of body experience." you smiled, kissing his nose.

"So, you wanna try it?" he beamed at you and you nodded.

"Yes, I'd love to." Hyunjin let out a delighted chuckle as he hugged you tighter, making you giggle.

You were a little bit nervous but excited to try something so romantic and loving with your sweet Hyunjin.

~

A few days later, after doing more research and discussing about it, the two of you finally had a weekend off, no other plans, perfect for enjoying each other without anyone else bothering you.

As soon as you opened your eyes that Saturday, you found Hyunjin already awake and smiling at you.

"Good morning, beautiful." he said and you whined, covering your face with the blanket, mumbling behind it.

"Don't hide." Hyunjin pried the blanket out of your fingers, pulling it down and chuckling at your disheveled state.

"You'll look at me all day today anyways." you huffed, moving your hair out of your face. He leaned in and gave you a few sweet pecks.

"I can't wait." he smiled, wrapping his arm around you.

You stayed like that quietly for some time as you caressed the back of his neck and he drew circles on your back. You almost fell back asleep until he lifted up and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"I'm gonna start preparing our space." Hyunjin said before getting up. You turned on your back, stretching with a smile.

It was really happening.

By the time you got up and made your way to the living room, Hyunjin had already moved around some furniture, preparing the carpeted floor with covers, blankets and pillows. The two of you thought your living room would be the best option, it was spacious and full of light, usually the room where you relaxed, with all the pretty paintings Hyunjin had hung on the walls and the flower pots you had scattered around.

It was also the room where you first kissed and made love on your third date, when you invited Hyunjin over for a home cooked dinner.

"Need help?" you asked and Hyunjin nodded.

"I prepared some fruit in the kitchen. And water bottles. You can bring it here." he said and you walked away to the kitchen, bringing all the stuff to the living room.

Hyunjin was lighting up some scented candles before he turned to smile at you.

"Do you think it's warm enough here? I turned on the heating."

"It's fine. Comfortable." you nodded.

You decided to eat a simple toast for breakfast and have just a little bit of coffee. There was a strict rule of no devices whatsoever, just you and Hyunjin in your own little world so he grabbed your phones and laptops, leaving it all turned off in your bedroom.

Lastly, Hyunjin dimmed the lights and took your hand in his gently, a sweet smile dancing on his lips as the two of you finally settled in your living room.

"So, how do we start?" you asked, feeling a little nervous.

"However we feel like. There is no rules to that." he smiled. "Though matching our breathing is important. But I just wanna embrace you first, my love." Hyunjin added, placing his hands gently on your waist. You smiled wrapping your arms around his shoulders, pressing your chest against his as you felt his warmth and found yourself enjoying the familiar and comforting place your lover's arms provided.

You held each other quietly for some time, then ever so slightly you started moving together to the quiet relaxing music in the background as if you were slow dancing but even slower. With your eyes closed, you pressed your cheek against his, your heart already filling up with love. Swaying with him like that almost made you feel like your feet weren't even touching the ground.

"You wanna sit down?" Hyunjin whispered quietly after a while, brushing his lips against your cheek gently.

"Mhm." you said and he leaned back, his hands finding yours and fingers entwining as he sat down cross-legged, you following suit and mirroring his pose, scooting closer to him so your knees and feet touched. Both of you were wearing only underwear and a shirt you slept in so the bare skin contact already got your breath stuck in your throat.

Hyunjin held your hands, resting them over his knees, his thumb caressing your skin gently. He gave you a little smile as the two of you held eye contact. You slowed your breathing, focusing on the moment as Hyunjin observed you. A little giggle escaped your lips.

"Sorry." you whispered.

"No, it's okay. We should be smiling and laughing. I'm glad that looking at me makes you giggle, darling." he smiled and you felt your cheeks burning. Even after so many shared moments together, you felt shy under his gaze at times.

"Well yeah, you always make me smile." you said quietly, it was his turn to giggle as he gently squeezed your hands. You sat like that for a while, gazing into each other's eyes lovingly, warmth spreading throughout your body, enveloping your heart as butterflies started fluttering inside your stomach, the flapping settling in your gut. You were shocked that only looking into Hyunjin's eyes already started making you feel aroused.

You closed your eyes a few times to take a deep breath and then looked at him again.

"What are you thinking about?" you asked.

"The day we met." Hyunjin answered.

"Oh. You bumped into me pretty hard." you laughed and he chuckled.

"It was Kkami's fault." he added and you rolled your eyes playfully.

"Poor Kkami." you pouted jokingly, reminiscing the day you thought would be the worst day ever but instead, you ended up meeting the love of your life. It was a horrible day at work, you were stressed as you were walking home, clutching a comforting cup of coffee when out of nowhere a little dog came running your way, barking as he flew past you, after him his owner who bumped into you so hard that you fell on your ass and spilled coffee all over yourself.

All you wanted to do in that moment was to just stay on the floor and cry. The handsome stranger gasped and shrieked, apologizing profusely before helping you up. He kept begging you to let him make it up to you and that's how you let him get you a new cup of coffee, exchanging names and numbers.

Only two weeks later you started dating, and you haven't looked back since.

"Thinking about it too now?" Hyunjin asked.

"I was." you smiled.

"I was in love with you the moment you yelled at me. You were so scary but so pretty." he confessed and you laughed.

"I thought I looked pathetic. I felt like it." you shook your head.

"No, you looked so beautiful." Hyunjin smiled, squeezing your hands gently.

"If you say so." you giggled and he let go of your hands, reaching towards your chest and putting his palm against your heartbeat.

He took your wrist in his other hand and guided your hand to his chest, your palm pressed against his heart too.

"Can you feel my heart beating for you, my love?" Hyunjin whispered and you felt a rush of emotions overwhelming you.

"Yes, I can." you whispered.

"Breathe with me." he added and the two of you kept eye contact, feeling each other's hearts beating as you matched your breathing.

You already felt overwhelmed with love for Hyunjin, as if your heart would burst, being close to him, looking at him, being looked at by him, being noticed, touched, loved.

"I wanna kiss you." Hyunjin said. "Am I being impatient?" he asked and you chuckled.

"I don't know. Aren't we supposed to let our feelings and desires lead us?"

"I guess we are. Come sit on my lap, beloved." Hyunjin smiled and you untangled your legs and stood up, stretching a little before sitting in his his lap, your legs wrapped around him. Your core was close to his but still far enough that you didn't feel him pressing against you, more so leaning on his legs.

Hyunjin's hands cupped your cheeks, thumbs gently tracing on your skin. The shapes of you were already engraved in his mind, he could sketch you out with his eyes closed.

He leaned in and kissed the tip of your nose, then each of your eyelids, making you giggle quietly as you placed your hands on either side of his neck. Hyunjin took in a sharp breath, his neck was always sensitive and you felt him becoming warmer and more tense as your fingertips ran over his skin.

"Relax." you said, pressing your lips into his cheeks, kissing his soft skin as he leaned his head back a little, enjoying your touches.

"Remember to breathe." you whispered and he nodded.

"Yes." he whispered back, opening his eyes and looking at you with a glazed over look.

"My sweet Jinnie." your hands ran up over his head, as you gently caressed his short hair, giving him a little massage.

"Mm. Darling. That feels really good." his hands came down to your waist and he gently squeezed.

"I love making you feel good." you kissed his forehead and he let out a quiet whine.

"You always make me feel good, beloved." he stated as you kissed the tip of his nose.

His breath hitched when you cupped his face and brushed your lips against his. Hyunjin couldn't help it as he pulled you in just a little closer so now you could feel the warmth of his core near yours.

He puckered up his lips and just stayed like that, connected with you as you matched your breath again. Hyunjin then captured your lower lip between his and started kissing you gently, slowly moving his lips, savoring the moment as if it was the first and last time he would kiss you.

His hands drew little circles on your lower back as you kept kissing him, pouring the love from your lips to his. You didn't even hear the music in the background anymore, all your senses were focused on Hyunjin. He gently rubbed his nose against yours in between kisses and your hands made their way down to his shoulders which you always admired and loved kissing, maybe even sinking your teeth in.

Hyunjin's hands trembled before travelling down to gently squeeze your hips. His fingertips played with the hem of your shirt, the tip of his tongue prodding at your lips. You parted them, letting him in and he tasted you, rubbing his tongue against yours before swirling it around. You felt a zap pass through your core, arousal gathering on your entrance now.

He squeezed your hips again before leaning back a little.

"Gotta catch our breath, hm?" he asked in a sultry tone, his eyes darkened as he brushed a strand of your hair away from your face.

"Mhm." you nodded, clutching at his shoulders a little.

Hyunjin's fingertips softly ran down your inner thighs, making you shiver as he went back up.

You looked down, noticing his erection and you bit your lip. He giggled a little, making you look up at him.

"Usually I'd already be inside you, hm?" he kissed the corners of your lips.

"Yeah, pretty much." you chuckled.

"I wanna keep kissing you, my love." he said, one of his hands tangling in your hair as he held the back of your neck, his other still lingering on your thigh.

"Me too." you said, caressing his upper back, feeling the muscles flexing underneath your palms.

Hyunjin leaned in with a smile, kissing you slowly again until you built up the kiss again, your tongues crashing against each other slowly as you savored the taste of each other.

You couldn't help the little moans escaping your lips, your panties becoming more wet by the second. You throbbed and burned slowly, wanting to feel him closer to you but at the same time enjoying the sensual moment you were in.

You stopped kissing, almost losing track of time, having no idea how long you have been making out.

"I wanna feel how warm you are." Hyunjin bit on your lower lip gently, his fingertips dangerously close to your wet pussy.

"Feel me, beloved." you whispered, gently caressing his back as he touched your thighs.

His fingers made contact with your core through your panties which were soaked at this point.

"Mm, love." Hyunjin's lips pressed against your jaw, kiss after kiss travelling to your neck. You threw your head back with a gasp, concentrating on your breathing and his fingertips just softly running over your clothed pussy.

Your touched his chest, hands sliding down until you got to his erection, your fingers finding his wet head and gently circling it.

"Y/n." his warm breath hit your neck before he licked a long stripe on your skin and gently nipped at it.

"I love you." Hyunjin pressed a kiss under your ear, retracting his hand, in favor of sliding both of them under your shirt and caressing your tummy.

"I love you." you squeezed his length a little, making him moan quietly before you slid your hands to his hips.

He leaned back to smile at you and you kissed him gently as he kept caressing your stomach.

"Can I take it off?" he asked, gripping the end od your shirt and you nodded.

"Of course." you smiled and he pulled your shirt off, tossing it aside. His eyes fell down to your chest and your tummy.

"So beautiful." he said, sucking his bottom lip in.

"Yours too." you said and Hyunjin snapped out of his trance, pulling his shirt off and throwing it somewhere in the same direction he threw yours.

"Come closer." he wrapped his arms around you and you wrapped yours around him as he pulled you flush against his body, your chest pressed against his and your cores finally touching. You felt as if your entire body was burning as you both let out a sigh at the little friction.

"There's nowhere I'd rather be right now." Hyunjin said, his cheek on your shoulder as you held each other tightly.

"Me too, sharing this moment with you is beautiful." you said, running your fingertips on his back. Hyunjin shivered a little, holding you tighter and you adjusted on his lap, squirming a little and making him moan into your ear.

"Love." he gripped your hips and moved against you slowly, grinding his entire length against your pussy.

"Jinnie." you matched his movement and started grinding against him gently.

The friction between you was delicious and the way you moved against him slowly, not hurrying to finish and holding back a little made you feel even more aroused than usually. You felt like there were waves of pleasure running through your entire body even though he wasn't even inside you.

"My sweet angel." Hyunjin gently cupped your breasts and you shivered, arching into his hands, still moving your core against his softly.

"Jinnie." you whined a little when his thumbs brushed against your nipples.

"I- I feel close."

"You want a break?" he asked and you nodded.

"Okay." he pecked your lips with a smile before the two of you untagled from each other, stretching a little.

"How are you feeling?" you asked when he gave you a bottle of water.

"Like my entire body is on fire."

"Same." you chuckled.

You decided to eat some fruit, sitting close to each other as you talked for a while, calming down just a little even though the fire still burned inside you, now a bit more dim.

"You wanna continue, angel?" Hyunjin asked after a while.

"Yes. What do you wanna do?"

"I want you to lay down and relax for me." he said, brushing his knuckles against your warm cheek.

"Oh. Okay." you smiled, anticipation building up inside you.

"Get comfy." he caressed your legs, noticing the tension in your body. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath in and letting out a long exhale as you melted into the blankets beneath you.

Hyunjin hovered over you, leaning in to press small kisses everywhere on your face before kissing your lips. He tasted sweet like the fruit you just ate and you were so addicted to his lips. He slowly slid off your underwear so now you were completely bare under him.

He kissed your jaw, then your neck slowly, taking his time and lingering after each kiss. You felt his hot breath against your skin the entire time, making you shiver as your fingers curled into the sheets below.

"Love, relax." Hyunjin noticed, brushing his fingertips over your hands.

"Sorry." you whined, biting on your lip and relaxing again.

"It's okay." he reassured you, his fingers dancing on your sides. He scooted down a little, leaning in to press kisses on your stomach, dragging his bottom lip against your skin as he looked at you.

"You're so sweet, my darling." Hyunjin murmured against you as he kept kissing you. You fell into sort of a trance, closing your eyes as he kissed you everywhere, coming up to your breasts. His lips continued worshipping your supple flesh, avoiding your nipples at the beginning, making you shake with arousal and need. He gave you only two soft kisses on each bud, leaving you yearning for more.

"Hyun..." you breathed out, blinking your eyes open and seeing that he grabbed the coconut oil used for massage.

"Shh, I got you love. Just stay relaxed like that for me." he cooed at you, caressing your face. You closed your eyes and soon felt the oil drizzle on your abdomen. Your eyes snapped open and you looked at Hyunjin who smiled at you sweetly as he started gently spreading the oil on your skin, his fingers warming you up, right above your core, teasing, loving.

"Focus on your breathing." he reminded you as you got worked up immediately, it felt so good.

You focused on taking deep breaths, amplifying the feeling of his warm hands on you as he gently massaged you, his hands sliding up to your ribs and between your breasts. You fell into another trance as he kept gently running his hands on your body, before he poured some more coconut oil in his palms and softly grabbed your breasts, massaging the flesh.

"Look at my hands, beloved. Look at them worshipping your beautiful body." Hyunjin said and your eyes fluttered open, a moan escaping your lips when you saw the intense but loving look in his eyes, focused only on you, like you were the only thing that existed in the world.

You looked down at his beautiful hands, ones you loved, ones that held you, touched you, gave you comfort, brought your pleasure and painted masterpieces. You felt the urge to kiss and lick at his fingers but held it in, knowing soon he'll be the one receiving all the worship.

"Breathe." he saw you getting worked up.

You took a few deep breaths, feeling yourself getting incredibly wet, probably even dripping on the sheets and you wanted to press your legs together and rub them just to feel a little relief.

"Ah." you whined when Hyunjin started slowly circling around your nipples before pressing his thumbs gently into them and then moving up and down, left and right. Your eyes rolled back, your pussy clenching as you felt so sensitive to everything he was doing to you.

Hyunjin smiled at the state of you, lightly pinching your nipples before circling them again.

"H-Hyunjin." you moaned, feeling like you could cum just from that stimulation.

"Darling." he pinched your nipples again, and you whined, your legs twitching, pressing against his thighs where he kneeled between yours.

"Kiss me." you needed something, anything and Hyunjin obliged, pressing his sweet plump lips against yours, engulfing all the little moans slipping out of you as he kept stimulating your sensitive nipples.

You were so sure you were about to cum from only that when Hyunjin retracted his hands, grabbing a little cloth and cleaning his fingers from the coconut oil. He observed you with a little smile as you stared up at him.

"I need you, Jinnie." you whimpered, trying to close your legs.

"I know." he said, prying your legs open gently, his hands on your inner thighs. "I know, angel."

He leaned down, pressing his lips on your inner thigh as his eyes fell on your core. You felt exposed, a wave of embarrassment washing over you but Hyunjin smiled.

"You're so wet, my love." he whispered, closer to your pussy before he touched your clit ever so gently with his thumb, and that was enough for you to jolt and moan. You've never felt this sensitive before, surprising yourself at the electrifying feeling running through you while he only brushed against your nub.

"So sensitive huh?" he smirked a little, gently running the pad of his thumb up and down.

"Y-yes." you moaned out, your toes curling at the feeling.

"Ready to receive pleasure." he noted, biting on his lip harshly as he circled your clit. You were dripping more and more, your eyes falling down to see his erection straining against his boxers. He followed your eyes and looked down.

"Don't worry. Right now it's about you." Hyunjin reassured you.

"But I wanna see." you breathed out when he dipped his fingers down to gather your wetness and gently smear it all over your aching cunt.

"As you wish, beloved." he retracted his hand for a moment only to get rid of his boxers, his cock springing free, hard and dripping as it slapped against his abdomen.

"Fuck." you groaned, so needy for him. "Touch me more."

Hyunjin didn't need to be told twice, his hand was back between your legs as he started massaging your clit, applying different pressures and movements, making you moan loudly as your legs trembled. You were close again.

"Hyunjin! I'm gonna cum." you whined, fisting the sheets and he stopped, his hands on your inner thighs, caressing you as you shivered.

"Breathe for me." he hovered above you, trying to get you to match his deep breaths.

He kissed you lovingly until you calmed down a little before he made his way between your legs.

"Can I taste you?" he asked and you nodded frantically, you were still burning up like never before.

Hyunjin leaned in immediately, his plump lips pressed against your lower ones. You whined, your breath hitched before you relaxed against his lips, kissing your clit and your wet pussy. He pressed the tip of his tongue in your clit, circling it and making your toes curl again. It was getting harder and harder to hold back. He ran his tongue down through your slit, gathering your juices and swallowing them.

"So sweet, my angel." he muttered against you before prodding at you with his tongue, pushing it in, your warm pussy welcoming him.

"Hyunjin." you moaned his name, your hand finding the back of his head as you caressed him.

"Hyunjin." you repeated as he gently fucked you with his tongue. "I love you." you felt it in the deepest corners of your being, the love for your man.

"I love you so much, my angel." Hyunjin smiled as you touched his face before he dove back in to kiss and suck at your sensitive clit.

Pretty soon, you were trembling against his mouth, messy with your arousal and his spit and he moaned into you when his dick accidentally brushed against the sheets.

He leaned back suddenly, blinking.

"You okay?" you asked.

"I feel like if you touched me right now, I'd cum." he breathed hard, licking around his lips.

"Do you need a break?" you asked.

"No, not yet. You?"

"Maybe just some water." you swallowed and Hyunjin nodded, the two of you hydrating and then exchanging a few sweet kisses.

"You wanna lay down now?" you asked him and he giggled, becoming giddy.

"Yes." he answered and you changed your positions, Hyunjin getting comfy on the blankets as you hovered over him. You took a moment to admire him laid before you, vulnerable and naked, ready to receive your touch and your love.

"Beautiful." you whispered and Hyunjin smiled, his cute dimples showing as his eyes filled up with so much love. You grabbed his hands, bringing them to your lips, kissing his knuckles and he smiled as he looked at you.

"I love your hands so much." you said and he chuckled.

"So you've told me before." he licked at his lip as you started pressing lingering kisses into his fingertips.

"I love them because they can be the most gentle and the most rough, whichever I need." you licked at his middle finger, making him shiver as he stared at you in a trance.

"Y/n." Hyunjin breathed out when gently sucked on his middle finger. "Mm." his body was already trembling, arching into you. You kissed his hand, his palm, his fingertips again and again, looking at the little puddle of pre-cum forming on his navel.

You released his hands after some time, placing yours on his chest and gently running them up and down, slowly moving to his shoulders, his arms, squeezing his biceps then back to his chest where you slid your thumb over his nipples. Hyunjin shivered every time you did that, his body trembling under your touch, his cock twitching and leaking.

He enjoyed having your attention only on him, your touch purposeful as you slid your hands up to his neck, he threw his head back letting you hold him. The way he looked at you in that moment, as if he was giving his entire life to you made you throb, more arousal gathering on your pussy.

"Sweet lover." you whispered, sliding your hands down to his inner thighs full of love bites you had left on them, marking him as yours. You gently touched him, massaging his flesh, fingertips close to his core every time you went up.

"Ah. Yes." he moaned as you touched him. You wanted to hear more, to see more, you wanted to make him feel so good. Your hands were now gently massaging around his cock, closer and closer to where he yearned for you.

You bit on your lip as you gently cupped his balls and Hyunjin let out a desperate moan, trembling under your touch.

"Remember to breathe." you echoed his words and he nodded quickly, his brows furrowed as he breathed deeply, your hand massaging his balls. You put your other hand on his cheek, and he looked at you with a small smile as you smoothed out his eyebrows.

"Relax for me." you cooed at him and he relaxed into the blankets, giving into your touch. His cock kept twitching as you massaged him, pressing your fingertips to his inner thighs, then around his member, then back to cupping his balls and lightly tugging on them.

"Fuck." Hyunjin gasped a little when you gathered the pre-cum that had been dripping on his navel and wrapped your fingers around his tip.

"Oh god." he let out a breath, looking down at your hand as you started circling your fingers all around the head, smearing his pre-cum and running your thumb over his slit.

You were getting even more wet, clenching at the feeling of him in your hand, so warm, so heavy, so wet, just for you. You wrapped your hand around him and started moving it slowly up and down, flicking your wrist at the tip.

"Ah, it feel so good!" Hyunjin whimpered before you wrapped your other hand around him, giving him more stimulation as you moved, squeezed and touched.

"W-wait, I don't wanna cum yet." he stuttered after a few minutes, his cock twitching harshly in your palms.

"Okay." you released him, gently touching his abdomen. You've never seen him so hard and you've never wanted him more, to feel him inside you, to be connected with him.

"Just breathe." you smiled at him, kissing him gently. Hyunjin placed his hand at the back of your head and held you as he pushed his tongue in and massaged yours with it.

You leaned back to catch your breath, trying to align your heartbeats again. You leaned in to kiss his neck and Hyunjin whimpered quietly, throwing his head back to give you access. You gently kissed his skin, inhaling his familiar and comforting scent as you went lower and lower, kissing his chest, his nipples, his stomach until you got to his cock.

"Y/n." he gasped, his thighs trembling when you pressed a kiss to his tip then ran your tongue over his sensitive slit.

"Keep going, please." Hyunjin needed you, he always did. You licked a long slow stripe from the base of his cock to the tip, leaving a few kisses on the way and making him lose his mind. You wrapped your lips around the head and lightly sucked.

Hyunjin let out a guttural moan, twitching against you as you took him in.

"Baby." he groaned, his fingers tangling in your hair. You took your time, enjoying the feeling of his heaviness on your tongue, how warm he was, how he throbbed harder the more you slid down, leaking into your mouth, the salty taste of pre-cum driving you wild, waking up something primal inside you.

You wrapped your hand around the base and slid down as much as you could, gagging lightly around him as you cupped his balls with your other hand again.

"Ah, shit!" Hyunjin's hips jerked, his hand gripping at your hair and you sucked on him a few more moments before releasing.

"I was so close. So close." he panted and you giggled, wiping away the spit on your lips.

"You wanna take a break?" you asked and he nodded, pulling you down to lay next to him.

Your arms wrapped around each other as you threw your leg over his thighs, your hand sliding up and down his arm and shoulder while Hyunjin caressed your head and played with your hair.

You basked in each other's warmth and presence in the comfortable silence for a while before Hyunjin kissed your forehead, making you look up at him.

"How do you feel?" you asked, caressing his face and he nuzzled into your touch.

"Wonderful. Loved." he kissed your palm before smiling at you again.

"I wanna suggest something." you said, sitting up and he leaned up on his elbows and looked at you.

"Of course."

"I always wanted to try... cockwarming you." you said, feeling a little shy as you looked away, your cheeks burning. Hyunjin twitched at your words, his eyes fluttering and hands squeezing and curling into fists.

"Yes. Yes. I'd love that." he said and you looked at him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, don't be shy now." he chuckled, sitting closer to you and wrapping his arms around you.

"You know I'm all yours, my love." he kissed your cheek, nosing against your skin.

"I'm all yours too, beloved."

"I know." Hyunjin smiled, kissing you sweetly. His hand reached between your legs and you pressed your thigh against his, opening up to let him touch you. His fingers slid against your wet entrance, up and down, tapping against your clit and making you whimper on his lips while he kissed you.

You reached down to touch his stomach, fingertips playing with his happy trail as he circled your clit. You let your hand slide lower as you wrapped your hand around his length, pumping him slowly and making him shiver. Hyunjin let out a grunt, laying his head on your shoulder and burying his face in your neck as he pressed his fingertips on your entrance. You leaned into his touch and he took that as a sign to slowly push two of his fingers inside you.

He slid in easily, your pussy clenching around his fingers and sucking them in, you were aching to be filled up for some time now. Neither of you said anything, just enjoyed the moment as both of your hands moved slowly, you spread the pre-cum down his length, giving him languid strokes and he matched your pace, pumping his fingers deep inside you, looking for that sweet spot.

You moaned loudly when he found it, his thumb pressing against your clit while his fingers rubbed your spot.

"Hyun..." you whimpered, squeezing his cock a little and making him bite into your shoulder.

"My love." he sighed then, licking over the bite and kissing it as he felt you getting wetter on his fingers, the thought of finally being inside your warmth made his mind spin.

You were close again, it was just a matter of moments for you to cum, you were so desperate at this point, you were barely holding back at this point. Hyunjin felt you clenching harder around him so he slowly pulled his fingers out, leaving you empty.

"Need you, Jinnie. Need you so much." your hands squeezed at his sides and he pulled you into his lap.

"Shh, it's okay, just wrap your legs around me." he said, grabbing the base of his cock and pressing the tip against your wet pussy. You bit on your lip, your legs wrapped around him as he guided you down on his length slowly, making you feel every inch of him. Both of you moaned loudly at the feeling, your senses heightened as he filled you up perfectly, fitting snuggly inside you.

"So warm." Hyunjin muttered, mouthing at your neck again. You clenched around him, arching your back, your nipples grazing against his skin.

He let out a breath as you slid your hands on his back, shoulders and neck, wrapping his arms around your waist, his hands gently squeezing the supple flesh on your bottom, massaging you.

"Hyunjin. I feel so full." you moaned. "You feel so good inside me." you added, touching the back of his neck.

"My angel. Always ready to take me and make me feel good. I love being inside you. Connected with you." Hyunjin spoke against your skin, lips travelling down to capture your nipple, gently sucking on it.

"Mm." your head started spinning instantly when he sucked a little harder, one of his hands coming up to play with your other breast.

You enjoyed the intimacy of the moment, him inside you while he worshipped your breasts and you caressed his hair, your eyes closed in bliss. There was really nothing else in this moment except you and him. You felt as if your souls were connected, not just your bodies and the thought of so much love between you made you want to burst.

You took his face in your hands and guided his lips to yours, kissing him passionately and lovingly. You squirmed on top of him, pressing your chest against his, both of you getting more desperate.

"Are we gonna break the rules if we make love now?" you asked, kissing the corner of his lips.

"There are no rules. We do what we feel like doing." Hyunjin said with a smile as you kissed the beauty marks on his face.

"Okay." you nodded, embracing him and the two of you stood like that for a few moments before you leaned back.

"I want you to make love to me." you whispered and Hyunjin let out a loving giggle, helping you get off him and move down onto the sheets.

"Gladly." he whispered, pushing you knees up as he positioned himself and slid back inside you easily, filling you up completely.

You moaned in unison as he caged you in with his arms, his body almost completely covering yours. You wrapped your legs around him, digging your heels into his backside. Hyunjin groaned and started fucking you with slow and languid movements.

"I don't think I will last long." he chuckled, his entire face and neck red.

"Me either." you clutched at this back while his hands cradled your head, caressing your hair as he looked at you with eyes full of love and lust.

"I love you, y/n. I wanna be with you forever. In every lifetime, just you and me." Hyunjin talked as he rocked into you slowly, dragging against your clit deliciously and creating perfect friction.

"I love you, Jinnie. Wanna be yours forever, too." you were losing your mind, maybe you were already gone as you nails dug into his flesh without you even realizing. It started from your toes curling and travelled up your legs, making your thighs quiver and then it spread like a fire inside your abdomen, fluttering through your stomach, somehow making your nipples harden even more, goosebumps rising on your skin.

"Hyunjin, I'm cumming." you whimpered and he groaned loudly.

"Me too." he whimpered. "Cum with me, my love."

He was shivering above you, his body on edge like yours, the love between you bursting as the coil finally snapped, feeling like a tidal wave crashing against every part of your body and pouring out of your core all around his length, you exploded, your ears ringing and entire body shaking as you kept cumming for what felt like a whole minute, your pussy clenching around Hyunjin's hardness.

He was stunned by the way you came, adding onto the emotions swirling and building up inside him as he moaned your name repeatedly like a prayer, twitching and exploding inside you, ropes of warm cum filling you up endlessly. Hyunjin kept rocking his hips into you, chasing that feeling, the wave that crashed over both of you, prolonging the orgasm as much as you could.

"Oh my god." you breathed hard as he collapsed on top of you. You felt like you went blind for a second, your ears ringing and your throat dry.

"Wow." Hyunjin squeezed your hand as he came down too.

You were in bliss.

He slowly looked up at you after a while, the sweetest smile adorning his face.

"That was... beautiful." he said and you nodded quickly.

"I can't feel my legs, honestly." you said and Hyunjin chuckled.

"I can't feel my dick." he added and you laughed, playfully smacking his shoulder.

"Do you know how much I love you?" he asked, lifting up to move the hair that got stuck on your sweaty face.

"As much as I love you." you answered and he bit on his lip with a chuckle.

"Happy four years, my love." Hyunjin said, kissing you gently.

"Happy four years, Jinnie." you smiled against his lips. "We should buy Kkami a treat to thank him."

"Oh yes. He did bring me to you." Hyunjin smiled, sliding out of you slowly and then wrapping his arms around you.

You shivered a little and he brought you closer to his warm body, pulling a blanket over the two of you.

"Let's stay like this for a while." he whispered and you nodded, burying your face in his neck, his arms your safe place.

Time and space disappeared around you, the world outside didn't exist, only your hearts vibrating together with a love that would last forever.

taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @moon-ttokki-x @saintcosette @ooshyana @frehyun @scarlet789 @skzdust @schniti-is-in-the-house @hwangjoanna @sona1800 @channiesrightasscheek @justwonder113 @yvettemint @inaribu00 @httpdwaekki @possum-playground @ria-april @yn-x-them @mariahxrrera @0omillo0 @halfwinterhalfuniverse @cooldeermagazine @delulkpopstan143 @todorokiskitten @compersian @azxulskz @stayp1eceposts @minniesverse @skzdreamer13 @0325ale @j-ji-jia @shannthewriter @mhluvie @my-neurodivergent-world

[bella-wall-studios]

Bon Appetit Decal/ Kitchen Wall Art Sticker/ Bon Appetit Sign/ French Quote/Rustic Vintage Decor A sophisticated vinyl wall decal that will look amazing in a home or a restaurant reads "Bon Appetit". It's a French saying that means "Enjoy your meal" and the words are separated by a picture of a mustache. Both the mustache and the words are distressed to add a timeless vintage feel to your dining room, kitchen, hallway, or wherever you choose to place the decal. La dimensions      Basique (Small):                     23"x27.3"         Pratique (Medium):               28.3"x33.6"     Classique (Large):                  37.3"x44.3"         Magnifique (Extra Large):    48.1"x57" If you would like this decal in a different size please contact us. * Depending on the size you order the decal may come in pieces ******SAVE AN EXTRA 10%****** For an extra 10% off your entire order join our mailing list and become a VIP member. Use this link https://mailchi.mp/40fdb628c1aa/new-customer-welcome-bella-wall-studios and you will be emailed a discount code for an extra 10% off. WHY SHOP WITH BELLA WALL STUDIOS? -Unique art work -Three different finishes to choose from -A portion of our profits is donated to charity (The Autism Science Foundation) -Premium interior adhesive vinyl made specifically for indoor walls -A special shopping experience -A unique high-end wall decal MORE ABOUT OUR DECALS Our high-end luxury decals are handcrafted using top quality interior vinyl which will allow the decal to adhere to most indoor walls and surfaces. We are the only shop that offers 36 different couleurs and three different finishes to choose from. Matte metallic, true matte, and semi-matte are the different finishes that are offered for your decal. Semi-matte vinyl will have slightly more of a shine to it than true matte vinyl. The result of using our premium matte vinyl is a stunning natural painted on effect with unrivaled quality that will stand the true test of time. In addition it will also reduce the amount of glare stemming from light or shiny objects. PROCESSING TIME It is important for us that your decal is absolutely perfect and that you have the best experience possible. For this please allow 2-5 days for your decal to be crafted and processed before shipping it to you. UNASWERED QUESTIONS If you have any unanswered questions please take a look at our FAQ section. If we still haven’t answered your question then please contact us so we can get your questions answered. We are always happy to help you out! OUR MOTTO "Our goal isn't just to make your wall beautiful, it's to make you feel special as well" - Bella Wall Studios https://www.etsy.com/listing/841287198/bon-appetit-decal-kitchen-wall-art

[lystopianne]

Business & Retail themed cc list

with the highly anticipated release of businesses & hobbies, I gotta say: opportunity taken to make a cc masterlist, yay! I love making those!

small (family) businesses is a huge add-on to our gameplay and with custom content, the fun will never go away. 🥰 everything from essential mods, shopping decor & specific-themed businesses items are to be found here.

feel free to send any suggestions for the list, I'll be happy to add them!

*NEW UPDATES WILL BE MADE ON THIS PAGE*

ESSENTIALS

miunachan's ultimate list of business ideas 🧡

mods

cheat retail & restaurant prices

club & business activity expanded

club & business expanded interactions

functional registers

higher business activity limit

more selectable icons

more small business employees

more small business logos

more small business visitors

no autonomous dancing

sell stuff from any surfaces

small business do not close

tend stalls activity expanded

decor & display

business essentials x @soloriya

industrial inventory shelves x @brazenlotus

retail therapy set x @syboubou

shopping bags & box x @aroundthesims

simoleons decor set x @simdertalia

tip jars x @simdertalia

signs & stickers

backlit wall signs x @gfvsims

business sign decals x @cryptiam

credit card stickers x @ccbybudgie

convenience store ads x @cryptiam

fire department stickers x @ccbybudgie

gift shop neons x @simdertalia

lit up ads on wheels x @ccbybudgie

lit wall advertisements x @brazenlotus

open led sign decals x @cryptiam

sale & ad posters x @simdertalia

security sign decals x @cryptiam

shop ads x @ccbybudgie

THEMED SPECIFICS

animals & pets

aquarium retail display fridge x @brazenlotus

besties: part 1 & part 2 x @sixamcc

pet pack wall frames x @brazenlotus

art & crafts

art studio x @sixamcc

flower arrangement display x @brazenlotus

hobby knit x @helenmay

piano cc set x @syboubou

tattoo wall art x @ccbybudgie

daycare & kids

boho baby x @sixamcc

dream teen sleepover x @sixamcc

dreamy nursery x @sixamcc

kids bedroom x @sixamcc

little critters x @syboubou

modern teen bedroom x @sixamcc

princess & vampire kids x @sixamcc

private school x @sixamcc

tiny playrooms x @sixamcc

entertainment

dance studio signs x @simdertalia

functional quarter coin vending machine x @aroundthesims

old school record store x @ccbybudgie

fantasy & spooky

magic books x @simdertalia

witchy crystal shop ad posters x @simdertalia

witchy crystal shop signs x @simdertalia

witchy shop decor set x @simdertalia

witchy shop window stickers x @simdertalia

fashion & salon

anybody's dress bridal shop x @ravasheencc

chic cosmetics: part 1 - part 2 x @bostyny

fashion store x nando

jewelry set x @aroundthesims

keratin salon set x @bbygyal123

passion by judith ward x @someone-elsa

perfume set x @simdertalia

shoe store & shelving mirror set x @simdertalia

food

appliance collection x @bbygyal123

candy bags x @ccbybudgie

cozy bistro add-on x @aroundthesims

felt letter board x @ccbybudgie

fish chalkboard + fishy wall decor x @brazenlotus

food store ads x @ccbybudgie

fusion pantry set x @bostyny

greasy goods x @littledica

honey, I cooked set x @mylittleponyoh

kitchen clutter x @charlypancakes

martini mixology decor x @bbygyal123

small spaces: pantry x @sixamcc

restaurant kitchen dishwashing x @aroundthesims

rise & grind coffee house x @littledica

sweet treats x @littledica

laundry

laundromat corner x @sixamcc

laundry day clutter x @brazenlotus

laundry room x @sixamcc

library & learning center

books & stuff set x @brazenlotus

business stationery x @aroundthesims

work from home x @sixamcc

working mode set x abbypigg

outdoors

beach shop x @aroundthesims

camping & pétanque x @aroundthesims

stuff for national parks x @aroundthesims

trekking x @aroundthesims

build mode

arold's shop x @pierisim

candyfloss: part 1 & part 2 x abbypigg

love for modern windows x @sixamcc

upscale window & door addon x @brazenlotus

[osamucide]

WHAT THEIR LOVE FEELS LIKE . . .

. . . ft. BSD men

⊹ ATSUSHI NAKAJIMA . . . freshly steamed rice, sherpa blankets, the moon in the sky during the day, well-loved dirt paths, comfortable sweatpants, clean kitchens, perfectly made lemonade, finding a dollar in your pocket, gentle cat paws, scratching a lover's back.

⊹ OSAMU DAZAI . . . used books with vigilant annotations in them, jazz music, charm bracelets, quiet and steady streams, lined leather journals, light rain, flickering flourescent light, cracking the spine of a new novel, knowing looks, linking pinkies while walking, caramel drizzle.

⊹ CHUUYA NAKAHARA . . . boozy chocolate-covered cherries, leather car interior, red sangria, gold jewelry, peeled clementines, extinguished matches, the peaceful room next door to a party, counting a lover's freckles, cupping your hands around a flame, divine geometry.

⊹ AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE . . . star anise, black lace, fig jam, perfect puddles of rainwater, vanilla ice cream, soft distant thunder, silver jewelry, blackberry-stained lips and fingertips, tracing sweet words into a lover's palm, the moment of silence and peace when you pass beneath a bridge while it rains.

⊹ RANPO EDOGAWA . . . shortbread cookies, wool socks, poppies, stray eyelashes, strawberry jam, argyle and pastels, candied fruit, chess matches, foil-wrapped chocolates with sweet sayings inside, when a dog at a party likes you best, collections of old keys, shooting stars.

⊹ DOPPO KUNIKIDA . . . peonies, perfectly pulled shots of espresso, letters with broken wax seals, comfortable routines, toffee and brown sugar, freshly ironed clothes, finding something that's been lost, completed to-do lists, cats sleeping atop stacks of books.

⊹ YUKICHI FUKUZAWA . . . photo albums hidden in plain sight, flickering candles, the breeze on a cloudy beach, stars on a clear night, perfectly steeped tea, crackling fireplaces, a safety net, clean sheets and pillowcases, crisp mountain air, packing a lover's lunch in the morning.

⊹ SAKUNOSUKE ODA . . . steam from a bath, soft and implacable floral scents, typewriter font, concentric tree circles, fallen bird feathers, uplifting newspaper headlines, children's laughter, protective hugs from behind, stratus clouds like blankets over the sky, dreams that make you want to sleep longer.

⊹ ANGO SAKAGUCHI . . . brown italian leather, vintage cameras, subtle gemstone details, warm french bread, fancy bookmarks, polaroids in your wallet, tying a lover's shoes, laughing at everything when you've drank a bit too much, dried rosemary and blood orange and pomegranate.

⊹ FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY . . . frost-covered cranberries, string music, coffee table books on classical art, accidental halos of light, perfectly toasted marshmallows, the crunch of fresh snow beneath your boot, coconut and dark chocolate, a stray cat trusting you to pet it.

⊹ NIKOLAI GOGOL . . . pistachio ice cream, mourning doves on a wire, strands of pearls, opalescence, sitting side by side at a piano, salt water taffy, blowing a perfect bubble with your gum, the television flickering as you sleep, cradling a lover's face, banana pudding trifle.

⊹ SIGMA . . . fresh linen smell, rose gardens, pressed flowers, sleek dress shoes, swan necks in the shape of a heart, satin and silk, bouquets in translucent cellophane, sleeves wide enough to fit someone else's arms in, lace folding fans, white chocolate truffles.

[stanart4clearskin]

a/n: heavily manifesting this type of boyfriend

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who isn't good at responding at any of your calls and texts because he's either studying or reading. he'll make an effort and turn his ringer on so that he hears a ping every time you text him but it ends up getting to annoying so he shuts it off. in turn he continues to miss all of your texts.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy to bring you a book whenever he comes over to your dorm. he loves being able to talk to you about his favorite books so he buys you a copy so that you can have your own and the two of you can talk about it.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who never makes you feel stupid when you can't understand something. he explains it to you in a way that you can grasp but doesn't infantilize you.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who has posters of his favorite comics or movies up on his dorm walls. his desk is covered in stacks of books and there are papers constantly scattered over the floor. even though he's incredibly smart, he can never manage to keep his space tidy.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy to carry around a small notebook wherever he goes. he loves to write poetry so he keeps the notebook around so he can write when inspiration strikes. most of his poems are about you.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy to write traditional love letters. whenever your gone for a trip or he's gone for tennis, he'll spend time writing you a love letter that he embellishes with small sketches of you and him.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who has a typewriter. after getting a typewriter, he spent hours using it and typing up even more poems for you. whenever you come over to his dorm, he lets you use his typewriter because he knows you find them fascinating but don't want one of your own.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who can't talk to girls. the first time you talked to him, asking if he had a pencil you could borrow, he went red in the face and nervously searched through his pencil case for an extra. he spent so long trying to find the perfect one for you that you had said it was fine and asked someone else to borrow a pencil. art had felt awful afterwards and vowed to talk to you again. it took him a month to finally talk to you again--all he did was ask to borrow your eraser (and he stuttered through that).

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who is a giver. he loves to eat you out like it's his life mission. most of the time he thinks going down on you is more enjoyable than sex because he knows all of his hard work is to make you feel good.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who will just spend hours with you in bed, studying your body. it's not even all that sexual as his hands travel over every inch of your skin. he studies your body like it's the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and it is.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who is always scared that you're going to break up with him. he's worried that you'll realize he isn't good enough for you and that you'll leave him for one of stanford's football jocks. he's scared that his quietness is something you secretly detest him for (even though it's something you absolutely adore about him).

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who can't cook for shit. even though he's an intelligent man, in the kitchen he is a hopeless case. he lives off of cereal and microwaveable foods. part of the reason he was always so excited for break where he could return home was so that he could eat proper food that his grandma made for him.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who has to know how something works. he sees a cool invention in a movie? he's busting out his laptop and doing hours of research on it. sometimes you have to take his laptop away from him when you two have movie night because you can never just enjoy a movie with him.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who makes little trinkets out of random pieces of trash he has. he takes cardboard boxes and paperclips and makes you cute little animals that he'll leave on your desk when he has to head to tennis practice before you're awake.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who loves kissing. he could spend forever kissing you and never get sick of it. sometimes when you two are cuddling, art will just kiss every inch of your skin that he can reach. there's something so therapeutic about his lips on you that he can't resist.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy to use apple music. he doesn't understand why you like spotify so much and even made you a presentation of why apple music is the superior streaming platform.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who surprisingly loves PDA. even though he can be quite shy, he loves showing his affection for you in public because it shows people just how much he loves you. he knows that he doesn't need other people's approval on how much he loves you but he secretly likes telling other guys to back off of you by pulling you into a kiss.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who absolutely hates alcohol. he's gotten drunk a few times but the hangovers the next morning where enough for him to never want to drink again. whenever the two of you go to parties, he's more than happy to stay sober so that he can watch over you and make sure no ones tries anything.

NERD!ART DONALDSON is the type of guy who asked his grandma for her ring before the two of you started dating. he knew it seemed crazy to already want to marry a girl he wasn't dating but there was something about you that art just knew he had to marry you in the future. soon after the two of you graduate from stanford art proposes.

[notapradagurl7]

When He’s Not There.

Black! Fem!Wife! Reader x Terrence

Fandom: Foe (2023) Movie.

Summary: In 2036, you reside in a high-tech home with your wealthy husband, Arlo. One night, a striking 6'3" stranger named Terrence, representing a company focused on off-Earth habitation, arrives. While he engages Arlo in conversation, while your husband is away, you find yourself alone in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Visited by him.

Word Count: 4697k

Taglist: @megamindsecretlair @satoruya @planetblaque @playgurlxoxo @babybratzmaraj @becauseimswagman1 @superheroprincess22 @pocketsizedpanther @beenathembo @brattyfics @hxneyclouds @yassbishimvintage @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @nayaesworld @ovohanna24 @novahreign @writingsbytee @avoidthings @kimuzostar @slippinninque @keyera-jackson @theblacklewinsky @euphorichappiness10 @life-in-the-slut-house @miguelspvssy @liatreads @kaylaahisthebestest- @tforpresz @dxddykenn

A/N: I want to step out of my writing comfort zone but anyway, Don't forget to leave a like, comment & reblog to support, or you can always ask for a request Enjoy!❤️

Warnings: +18, dirty talk, praise, cheating, consensual for both parties, fingering, oral,(fem receiving) angst, teasing, an intimidating Terrence, risky sex in the living room, neglectful husband, strange questions about marital issues, profanity, p in v, jealousy, masochist Terrence, BDSM, unprotected sex.

————-

The moonlight peeked through the bedroom window and you groaned out of your peaceful sleep, once you heard a knock on the front door. You quickly stood with your husband Arlo from the bed, you grabbed the rifle from the side of your dresser in your high-tech home.

You heard a woman's computerized voice on the small holographic screen resting on the dresser, “You have a visitor at midnight, Terrence,” 

Your mom taught you how to shoot properly when you were thirteen, she wasn't too fond of Arlo when you got married too early, he’s been neglecting you and he’s been working full time at his CEO corporate job.

“Who the fuck is knocking on my door at this time of night?” Arlo grumbled lowly, groaning a bit with his raspy voice.

“It's probably that man from the off-earth habitation company sweetheart,” You mumbled back, rubbing the traces of sleep from your brown eyes.

Arlo’s face twisted up at the words “man,” he slid on his black tee shirt and pulled up his grey loose pants, zipping them up. Running a hand through his tiny curled afro, the lamp light glistened on his brown skin. 

You’d almost forgotten that you were sent a letter from a company for Off-Earth habitation aka living in space, it was sent to your husband instead. It was quite strange.

“You’ve talked to the man before? What's his name then?” Arlo barked, squinted at you, his brows furrowing in suspicion. 

“Terrence, I think, He’s got this whole mysterious vibe going on. keep it cool, okay? I’ll handle it.” you replied, gripping the rifle tightly, your heart racing.

Arlo rolled his eyes, but you could see the tension in his shoulders. “You know how I feel about these corporations trying to buy more of my money when I updated everythin’ We’ve built this life here, babe. I'm the husband, I’ll handle it,” He shot back, crossing his arms.

You stepped closer to him, the warmth of his body grounding you and rubbed his shoulder. “I know, I know. But we can’t just ignore him. If he’s here, it’s for a reason.”

Arlo sighed, clearly still annoyed but resigned. “Fine, let’s just see what he wants. And give me that gun please,” he said gently, you passed it to him.

Arlo was given this flourishing high-tech home from his grandparents through inheritance, the house adorned with the latest technological advancements, and sleek light green furniture that blended minimalist aesthetics with comfort.

The walls were a crisp white, reflecting the soft glow of the advanced smart lighting that adjusted to your mood. There were pictures of animated art, abstract and vibrant, that hinted at your creativity and love for color, scattered thoughtfully throughout the living space.

The kitchen, where you spent most of your time, was outfitted with glossy black counters and stainless steel appliances that seemed to hum with energy.

You had a deep love for cooking, and the aroma of spices often lingered in the air, a testament to the meals you prepared for Arlo, even if he hardly appreciated them.

The décor spoke of old-world charm fused with modern aesthetics—a plush, deep green couch dominated the spacious living room, framed by small windows covered by velvet sage green curtains that overlooked the overgrown garden, the moon casting silver light over the wildflowers. The television hung on the right side of the wall, facing the couch.

You could hear the distant hum of the self-driving car parked outside, a reminder of the future you both lived in, yet felt so distant from. It turned off immediately.

You both valued a futuristic lifestyle, but it turned dull and ordinary while you worked as a librarian's assistant.

The library had always been your refuge since childhood, where you, the nerdy black girl, found joy in books, technology, the arts. It was in the canned goods aisle that you captured your husband’s attention through a chat about books and what to find the best spices, you liked to cook food.

There were self-driving cars available, and clearly, your husband purchased one to stay updated with the latest technology.

As you and Arlo approached the front door, the tension in the air was palpable. Your heart pounded, a mix of excitement and unease fluttering in your chest. You took a deep breath, steadying yourself before Arlo opened the door.

There stood Terrence, a man who seemed to command the space around him. At 6’3”, his presence filled the doorway, and the white moonlight highlighted the sharp angles of his jaw and the confident glint in his eyes.

Terrence undoubtedly caught your attention, but as a married woman, you knew your husband often grew suspicious whenever another man approached you.

He could be both protective and jealous at times. Arlo was 6'0", which you found appealing, particularly since you had a preference for tall black men.

He was dressed in a collared half buttoned white shirt with a black jacket that accentuated his broad shoulders, he carried an air of authority that made it hard to look away. His black hair styled in tiny curles.

His green eyes seemed like they were pierced through your soul, reading your deepest secrets and fears in one stare. His muscles bunched through his clothes, and you could tell that he was committed to the gym. Damn.

“Good evening, I hope I’m not disturbing you.” he greeted smoothly, his voice deep and inviting, with a hint of curiosity, there was a British accent included.

Arlo’s face shifted instantly, suspicion etching deeper lines on his forehead. “You are, What do you want?” he asked brusquely, crossing his arms defensively.

“I’m here on behalf of the off-Earth habitation company. I wanted to discuss the proposal we sent your way, Arlo Stark and Y/N Stark right?” Terrence replied, his gaze flickering to you, and for a brief moment, you felt an electric charge pass between you.

“You know our names already? Even my wife’s name? Terrence right?” Arlo asked in suspension, placing the rifle at the corner of the room. His deep brown eyes reflected with anger flickered between you and Terrence for the umpteenth time.

You sighed annoyingly, it felt like a farrago of unwanted stuff piled up in your basement. “Yes, he does Arlo, this is 2063, you know technology has everything now,” you chimed in.

You stepped forward, trying to diffuse the tension. “We were just surprised to get a visit at this hour. Come in, let’s talk,” you offered, hoping to ease Arlo’s protective stance.

As Terrence entered, you caught a whiff of his cologne—rich and earthy, it lingered in the air like a promise. He glanced around your home, his eyes taking in the details—the art on the walls, the cozy ambiance.

“You have a lovely home,” he remarked, his tone genuine, and you felt your cheeks warm under his gaze.

“Thanks, We’ve put a lot of love into it.” you replied, flustered while rubbing the back of your neck.

Arlo cleared his throat, pulling you back into the moment. “Let’s get to the point. We’re not interested in moving to space, You’ve met my wife before?” he declared, his voice firm.

You could sense the tension; it was like a taut string ready to snap.

Closing the behind him with the three of you walking into the spacious living room and seated yourself on the couch, while Arlo stood beside you, Terrence seated himself on the armchair with a device in his hand.

You flipped the light switch and light of the warm yellow bulbs filled the room with a cozy light, contrasting sharply with the cool moonlight outside.

“Actually, I haven’t had the pleasure, but I’ve heard quite a bit about you, Y/N.” Terrence replied, his gaze lingering on you just a moment too long, igniting a flicker of something in the pit of your stomach.

You shifted slightly, suddenly feeling exposed under his intense scrutiny. “All good things, I hope,” you said, trying to inject some playful banter into the thick air.

“Very much so, Your reputation precedes you,” he replied with reassurance, his voice smooth, drawing your eyes to the way his lips curled into a smirk.

Arlo shifted beside you, the tension radiating off him like heat from a flame. “Let’s focus on why you’re here, we’re not looking to relocate, especially not to some off-Earth colony. We’re happy here.” he interjected, his tone clipped.

Terrence’s demeanor didn’t waver; he remained calm, unbothered. “I understand your hesitance, but I assure you, it’s not as daunting as it seems. This could be an opportunity for you both—”

“An opportunity to leave everything behind? To abandon our lives? I'm the wealthiest CEO in this gotdamn neighborhood, I don't need this,” Arlo countered, his voice rising, fists clenching at his sides.

“This is only a suggestion if you want to live in space, Arlo maybe you would have to prepare to leave your wife alone in this house?” Terrence asked in a firm tone, holding up a device that showed a person walking through a spaceship.

Arlo’s jaw tightened, but you could see the gears shifting in his mind. “Nope, not interested. I've already gotten the update on the self-driving car, the robots aren't in my damn house, and I've updated everything to keep up,” he said in an angry tone, his hand on his hip.

With that, his eyes landed on you, and you could feel the heat radiating off his body. He lowered his voice, “What about you? Are you truly happy?”

Your heart raced as you met his gaze, feeling a magnetic pull towards him. “I…I’m trying to be, I've haven't been happy that much,” you confessed, glancing at Arlo who was still stewing in frustration.

“Sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zone, even for a moment,” Terrence said, an invitation hanging in the air like a promise.

You kept your cool knowing that your husband was watching but you replied, “Who truly knows? I've been happy cooking lately,”

“Thank you for pitching this idea to us, Terrence, we'll see you later okay? Again, not interested in space, we’re more comfortable on Earth,” Arlo brought up.

Arlo walked with Terrence outside toward the self driving car, watching him get in, Arlo crossed his arms with his face still twisted in pure turmoil.

Your husband walked in with relieved face, shaking his head from side to side in disapproval while Terrence gave him a reassuring smile, Arlo’s eyes flickered toward you, but he said with anger.

“Let’s go to sleep, if he comes back then don’t let him in,”

————

You knew that your husband left for work at 5:00 at night, giving you peace and quiet throughout the day, he worked all night and all day at the his business, you needed days to yourself.

The next morning you woke up to the sun’s salutations, birds chirping and the walls that use be a crisp white, reflecting the soft glow of the advanced smart lighting that adjusted to your mood, suddenly changed to yellow for happiness.

You prepared breakfast for yourself, as the open-concept kitchen glowed with a soft blue light from the smart appliances, casting a serene ambiance that contrasted the warm weather brewing outside.

You glanced at the clock, knowing Arlo would be late again, swallowed by his ambition. Thankfully you didn’t have work today which meant you had a day off, You felt a rush of confidence, your curves fitting perfectly in the form-fitting dress that accentuated your dark brown skin and your curly pixiecut framed your face.

You heard a woman's computerized voice on the small holographic screen resting on the dresser, “You have a visitor at 9:00am, Terrence,”

You hurried your way toward front door, your heart raced, anticipation and nervousness bubbling within you. The memory of Terrence's intense gaze from the night before flooded your thoughts. You took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Terrence greeted, his voice smooth as silk, and a charming smile played on his lips. The morning sun highlighted the sharp features of his face, giving him an almost ethereal quality.

“Terrence! What are you doing here?” you asked, feigning surprise, though deep down, you were thrilled to see him again.

“I figured I’d drop by to discuss the proposal further. I know Arlo isn’t here, and I thought it might be a good opportunity for us to chat—just the two of us,” he said, his green eyes sparkling with mischief.

You hesitated for a moment, glancing back at the kitchen where the aroma of freshly cooked breakfast wafted through the air. “Uh, sure, come in,” you finally said, stepping aside to let him enter.

As he stepped into your home, you felt a surge of electricity in the air between you. He looked around appreciatively, his gaze lingering on the decor. “How are you?” he repeated, taking in the cozy ambiance that you had cultivated with care.

“I’m pretty good, I’ve been cooking and had a day off today,” you replied, a smile creeping onto your face.

Terrence stayed behind you, his presence overwhelming yet oddly comforting. “It definitely feels like a home, not just a house. It’s different from the sterile environments of the corporate world.”

You nodded, feeling a strange kinship with him. “I think it’s important to have a space that reflects who you are, especially in a world that’s constantly changing.”

He leaned against the kitchen counter, looking at you with an intensity that made your heart race. “And who are you, Y/N? What do you want?”

You chuckled lightly, feeling a thrill through your breast. “I don’t plan to moving to space, anytime soon so that’s just not talk about that,”

“Would you like something to eat or drink Terrence?” You asked him, your gaze never left his.

Terrence nodded with a smile, “I’d love some coffee, if you have it,” he replied, his gaze never leaving yours as you moved toward the coffee maker.

The soft hum of the machine filled the air, blending with the chirping birds outside and the faint scent of breakfast still lingering in the kitchen.

As you poured the steaming liquid into a mug, you felt the tension from the previous night start to dissipate, replaced by a different kind of electricity.

“So, how did you end up in this line of work? The whole off-Earth thing seems…ambitious,” you asked, trying to keep the conversation flowing, your heart racing with each passing second.

Terrence leaned back against the counter, arms crossed, and a smirk played on his lips. “I’ve always believed in pushing boundaries. Earth is beautiful, but I want to be part of something bigger. The universe is vast, and there’s so much more out there.”

You chuckled softly, handing him the mug. “That’s a bold statement. But what about the people you leave behind? It feels like a big gamble.”

He took a sip, his eyes closing momentarily as he savored the rich flavor. “That’s true. But sometimes, you have to take risks to find what you truly want. Just like you seem to be doing right now,” he said, his gaze piercing through you.

You felt your cheeks heat up at his words. “What do you mean by that?” you asked, feigning innocence, though you knew exactly what he was getting at.

Terrence stepped closer, the space between you shrinking as he leaned against the counter, his voice dropping to a low, sultry tone. “I see the way you move in your own space, how you take care of everything around you. You’re not just a wife; you’re a force. And I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to truly know you.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, the weight of his words settling in your chest. “Terrence, I—”

He interrupted you, his eyes fierce and playful at the same time. “Let me finish. I know Arlo can be… preoccupied, and sometimes it feels like you’re just existing, rather than living. But what if you allowed yourself to explore what makes you feel alive?”

The air grew heavy with unspoken tension, his words wrapping around you like a warm blanket. “What are you suggesting?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, daring yourself to lean closer.

Terrence’s words trailing off, sending shivers down your spine. “I’m suggesting that sometimes, we have to break the rules to find our happiness. What if I could show you a world outside of what you know? Just for a moment?”

Your heart raced, the invitation hanging in the air like a forbidden fruit. “And what would that entail?” you asked, the thrill of the unknown swirling within you.

“Talk to me, what do you really want?” he asked, his voice smooth and alluring.

You felt a rush of excitement and fear. You glanced toward the window, where the sun bathed the room in golden light, reminding you of the life you had built with Arlo.

But a part of you craved adventure, the thrill of stepping outside the lines. “Alright,” you breathed, heart pounding. “Let’s see where this day takes us.”

Terrence’s smile widened, a mix of triumph and desire. “You won’t regret it,” he promised, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Honestly, you were right about some things ya know? When I was younger I wanted to be a cook, have a my own restaurant. Arlo just had to just say that only some businesses fail or succeed,” You admitted with a shoulder shrug.

Terrence agreed with you, “I'm sure you would be very successful with the restaurant, you're an amazing cook. And you can follow those dreams,” He spoke up with reassurance.

You and Terrence talked all day, ate your cooked food while he appreciated everything, something Arlo didn’t do, you got to know the man better than your own husband.

"I always had this plan of running away from this boring life and find out what is out there for me, but I want intimacy from him,” You confessed to him, your eyes on him.

Before you could utter another the smart clock in the house said, “Arlo Stark is on his way home, in 15 minutes,” the AI voice spoke in a woman’s voice, making you flinch for a bit.

Terrence and you stood up from the table, you sighed lowly at the announcement, “I'm sorry for taking much of your time, you better go before my husband sees you. T, you know how he gets,”

Terrence shook your hand gently, and nodded in agreement, “I understand, but the advanced technology with the house, i'm sure that he already knows we're talking,”

You laughed softly and shrugged, then made your way to the front door and opened it. Terrence stepped outside and said goodbye, while Arlo observed from afar before arriving in the driveway in his autonomous vehicle, squinting and gripping the armrest of the comfortable seat.

"I fucking knew it," Arlo grumbled, his eyes flickered toward him and the house, pulled on the door handle, stepped out with ease.

——————

In the following weeks, while you spent time at the library conversing with Terrence instead of being at home, Arlo confronted you about your relationship with him.

He baselessly accused you of infidelity, stealing his money, and abandoning him for Terrence.

It was absurd. Although Terrence was initially a stranger, your thoughts increasingly turned to him, and he was evolving into a potential friend or casual fuck buddy in this context.

Terrence returned to your place late at night once more while you were home alone, unaware that he was also constantly thinking about you. The feelings were reciprocated; what are your next steps?

He sat across from you in the plaid sage green armchair, you sat on the couch prettily with a pink nightgown, only thick socks on since it was very cold in the house floors, regardless of what your husband said to you, you had to follow your desires and Terrence was the answer.

Now Terrence wore a dark gray tee shirt with a matching jacket, sweatpants due to the cold weather outside, your eyes never left his. Your finger brushed a curl over your ear, “Thank you for coming tonight, Terrence, Arlo is still at work, preoccupied with that.”

“Terrence, you’ve been keeping me much company while my husband is away, you know that don’t you?” You asked in innocent like tone, your thumb swiped across his cheek.

Terrence groaned lowly at your words, knowing you were right. Since that night you first met, he wanted you, and you felt the same once you saw him. He had his own fantasies, including the thought of you slowly riding him in various positions, whether in the living room, the self-driving car, or the bedroom.

"Yes, I do. I've wanted to treat you better than Arlo, but you're a married woman and if I—” Terrence spoke up until you interjected.

You shook your head at him in disagreement, silencing his fears and yours as well. “There wasn't nothing between Arlo and I except a loveless marriage, and money, he didn't give me what I wanted, he didn't support my dreams,”

He stood up from the armchair, circled around the table and stood in front of you, your hands gently cupping his attractive face, freshly trimmed bread with his mustache connecting. Pulling him down between your legs, you spread them open for Terrence.

“May I?” Terrence asked you gently, looking up at you with those eyes of his. Kissing your lips passionately, you kissed him back with fervor before pulling away.

“Yes, please, hurry..” You begged him, your hands resting on the armrest of the couch. The walls of the smart house changed to red for lust, matching the mood of both of you.

Terrence carefully raised your nightgown from your voluptuous figure and removed his t-shirt, revealing his toned physique. He admired your gorgeous dark brown skin and your lovely brown pussy that pulsed enticingly for him.

“Such a beautiful pussy,” he moaned, he shoved his thick, long fingers between your folds, and you moaned so slut like, his large hand smacked your ass roughly without mercy.

"Ow, fuckkk!" You cried out, riding out his fingers desperately, your pussy sucked his fingers back in.

“Look at you, swallowing my fingers with that pussy like a good slut,” Terrence groaned with a subtle rasp, thrusting his fingers in and out of you.

With your consent, he tied your wrists together carefully and with skill, you hitched a bit from the rope. He continued to push his fingers into you, leaving you breathless and trembling. He took some pink furry handcuffs from the dresser, giving you a sly smile, and you agreed with a nod. "Can I?"

"Yes you can,"

His hand rested on the small of your stomach, pushing you down on the soft mattress and smacking your ass roughly again, he grabbed his thick dick and pushed himself inside from the back, “OH FUCK! Terrence!” you cried out with desperate moans, rolling your hips.

“Fuck me, baby.”

With your consent, Terrence sensually glided his dick between your wet folds, you savored every inch as he groaned from the tightness of your slick walls. “Fuck, Terry.” she breathed, your eyes darken with lust.

He firmly grasped your waist, propelling his hips forward. "Open your eyes," he grunted, his brows furrowing in unwavering focus. Slowly, your eyelids fluttered open, locking their gazes passionately. 

Bliss surged through him as the tip of his dick tenderly kissed her cervix, eliciting a hushed groan.

"That's it, let me admire that beautiful face," he praised, causing you to surrender, your head falling back onto the plush pillow. Each thrust stole your breath away, leaving your yearning for more.

His hands cupped your breasts and rolled his fingers around your erect nipples with slow circles. Each tug and pinch from between his fingers made your whine in pure bliss.

“Oh shit—right there!” You chanted in pleasure, your voice increased in pitch. Your legs tightly wrapped around his waist, you sought to feel him deeper, enveloping his dick with your walls.

The intense sensation caused your essence to flow and perfectly coat him, resulting in euphoric screams of pleasure. As he trailed a path of kisses and hickies along your collarbone, the passion between them intensified.

It was if Terrence still knew which spots to get to whenever he was in the moment with you, “Right here baby?” he whispered in your ear, his teeth biting down on your earlobe. 

“Ever since I saw move in with your husband and we locked eyed, I knew that I wanted you, wanted to know every part of you. It was the right time to come back to you.” 

Terry's speed increased as he thrusts passionately and roughly, accompanied by the sound of their skin colliding echoing through the bedroom and the creaking of the bed beneath them.

“Don't you know how much I wanted you baby?” he grunted lowly, pecking her cheek. Her nails left welts on his shoulder blades as his fingers roughly pinched her clitoris. You ecstatically cried out as he penetrated her deeper, while he gently sucked on her nipple and flicked it with his tongue, causing it to harden.

“Yes!–I-i wanted you too—fuck!” You panted, made eye contact with Terrence once more, causing her eyes to roll back and she was certain that her soul had left her body and returned to her. An overwhelming sensation of pleasure washed over her repeatedly.

You experienced an intense orgasm that overwhelmed your like a powerful wave, causing your body and legs to shake uncontrollably around his waist. "i-i'm cumming-fuck!" you keened, holding his face tenderly in your hands and pulled him closer, engaging in a passionate kiss.

You fervently kissed him, muffling her moans in the process, "Let it out, baby.." he praised, while her stomach tied up in knots as Terrence continued thrusting a few more times. 

Her essence gushed around Terrence's dick, evoking an appreciative moan from him as he gently pulled out from you. "That's my girl," he softly uttered. he praised, pecked your lips twice.

Your bare figure trembled beneath him after the powerful climax, making you breathing unsteady. Terrencr positioned himself above you and then shifted beside You, both of them breathing heavily and sharing a light laughter.

“You good baby?” he asked in concern. His forehead rested against yours. 

“Yeah, I-I’m good..” You muttered softly, their skin sparkled with sweat. They turned their heads towards each other, exchanging a smile.

After that, he carried you into the bathroom, he ran you a hot bath and quickly cleaned up the mess, you washed up once Terrence gets dressed quickly, he kissed your lips tenderly. "I'll see you tommorw?"

"Yes, you will,"

The both of you were secreting longing, pining for each other, you heard him left the house and grabbed the furry handcuffs, closing the door while you were left with pleasure, a plan roamed your mind but you finished cleaning up. You were still gonna see the man without shame.

—————

[lavenderprose]

At some point, for some reason, Rook had misinterpreted the term 'letters'.

Perhaps it was because Bellara had said it so breathlessly--though Bellara says lots of things breathlessly, given she speaks at about the speed of magic itself. Perhaps it was the smile she'd used when she said 'the Professor'. But Bellara smiles most of the time. In the end it doesn't matter how it happened. The result was the same: Rook heard Bellara talk about these letters, this necromancer she was writing to, and figured they were passing love letters. Odd, very lingo-heavy love letters that contained a lot of side conversation about magical artifacts and the stability of the Veil, but love letters nonetheless.

Rook meets Emmrich and hears him call Bellara 'dear' and knows it must be true. Rook also meets Emmrich and wants to climb him like a tree, but she's always been into that kind of academic, willowy, never-met-the-sun kind of look. Necromancers. Rook's always been into necromancers. She is one. It's pretty normal.

"You must be excited to finally meet him in person," Rook says to Bellara while they're following Emmrich through the Shrouded Halls. Emmrich extols the wonder of life and death in between completely demolishing Venatori in a way that feels bone-shatteringly powerful.

"Oh yeah," Bellara says, and grins. "Arlathan is pretty far from Nevarra, so I didn't think we'd ever actually meet, but it's pretty cool that we did! Professor Emmrich is really knowledgeable, not just about the Fade, but music and art and--"

"Hmm neat!" Rook says, instead of Alright girl keep it in your pants because she actually really likes Bellara and she can't blame her. Emmrich Volkarin is six-foot-three, hazel-eyed and has a voice like candlelit red wine. He'd be a dream come true for any young mage with a little too much to say and a few too many nights alone in their recent past.

Of which there are two in the room.

Anyway.

It's not a big deal. The others don't really seem fussed over the fact that Bellara has brought her sneaky link into the fold and Emmrich is bonkers capable, so it doesn't really matter whether or not he's sourced from some horny letters. He also comes highly recommended from the Mourn Watch, and that's enough for Rook.

They keep things pretty subtle too. Rook never sees them kiss or even really touch, and Bellara seems too busy with the archive spirit to do much other than tinker with it outside of missions. Emmrich always seems to have something to be doing as well. If anything, he seems to spend more time with Rook than Bellara--and this is the source of the issue.

The spark of attraction in the Necropolis grows to nothing short of a blazing inferno. Emmrich invites Rook to the Memorial Gardens, performs the rituals with her, calls her recitation of the rites masterful. He takes her arm in the crook of his own as they walk the paths. He finds her in the kitchen in the evenings and sits next to her, legs crossed in that neat and proper way, and she sits there and lets the heat of his thigh burn into hers until she has to get up and go find something to occupy her hands. He does everything short of lay his jacket over puddles for her like some prince in a storybook--though even that, she wouldn't put past him. She sees him staring at her during a soaking downpour in Minrathous one time, but it's always raining in Minrathous.

Jealousy is an insidious emotion that the Mourn Watch warns against specifically. It will make a monster of the most benevolent, if it takes hold. Rook struggles not to let it. This gets harder and harder, the more time she spends in Emmrich's company and the more he seeks her out. He'll say, "I'm so pleased to have a fellow Watcher to talk to, Rook," and she'll smile and pretend she isn't actively resisting the urge to stare at his lips. He'll say, "I am continually impressed by your keen skills of observation, my dear" and she'll only be capable of nodding because she's trying to clear a daydream from her head. Something about him and one of the geothermal underground pools in the Necropolis and a mysteriously disappearing set of clothing. He'll say, "I find myself continually waiting for the next time we'll have one of our chats, Rook--they're becoming something I find great comfort in," and Rook won't even hear what he's saying, because she's trying so hard to shove him, the concept of him, into a little box in her head labeled Bellara's--Do Not Touch.

It gets a little ridiculous. She stops taking them on missions together, because the sound of them chattering on about Fade harmonics behind her makes her want to absolutely chew glass. On the off chance she sees one of them come out of the other's room, which does not happen very often at all but has, on a handful of occasions, she'll turn herself around and sit herself down on Solas' stupid fuck-ugly green meditation couch until she feels a little less like her head is going to pop off. One time, she falls asleep while doing this and has to deal with a particularly weird conversation with Solas where she's too keyed up to do much more than grunt along to his typical long-winded pontification and he ends the conversation with something along the lines of, "Perhaps you should reexamine some details of your situation that you have taken as fact. You may find them not so."

"Could you just say something that's not buried under five layers of innuendo," Rook thinks, and unfortunately also says out loud, because she's not actually allowed to think just in her head in these Solas-dreams. He scowls at her and rolls his eyes. They're both doing the Fade-space equivalent of blowing raspberries at each other by the time she wakes up.

It all comes to a head in Arlathan, because they've camped with the Veil Jumpers for the night and Rook needs to ask Bellara a question. She thinks nothing of whipping open the flap to Bellara's tent, because Bellara is almost always awake until the stars have been overhead for hours and Emmrich--who was obliged to come along, just this once, because they're in Arlathan specifically for haunting-related reasons--is visible across the camp, wiggling carrots through the bars of Gus the Nug's cage. There is a small, tender smile on his face as he listens to the nug snort and whuffle. Rook suddenly remembers the story about the pig he used to hug as a kid, and then her heart jumps a little, and--

Well, anyway, there shouldn't be a reason not to let herself into Bellara's tent.

There is, in fact, a reason not to let herself into Bellara's tent.

That reason is named Irelin, whose body Rook now knows about in much more expansive detail than she did a few minutes ago. Bellara's too, though most of that was covered by--well, by Irelin.

"Maker!" they all three scream in unison, and Rook all but sommersaults back out of the tent.

"Sorry," she yells through the flap. "Sor--sorry, I didn't--"

"It's fiiine," Bellara yells back. Her head pokes through after a minute. Her hair is down and disappears somewhere back inside the tent. She looks like an almost completely different person with it framing her face like that. "Hey, um--you could, like...knock next time? I mean, I know you can't really knock on a tent--"

"Everything alright over here?" Emmrich has appeared, and Rook's tongue seems to grow three sizes in her mouth.

Oh shit! is all her brain will supply, so she doesn't really respond. She thinks she's willing enough to respect Girl Code, such as it is, that she won't tell Emmrich about the whole Irelin thing. Because maybe that's how their relationship works, or maybe Emmrich already knows, or maybe it's none of her business--

Or maybe something really weird is happening, because Bellara looks at Emmrich and her expression does nothing but get a little more annoyed, and she sighs, "It's fine. No worries, Professor. Just, could you guys--y'know, privacy?"

Then Irelin makes a noise from inside the tent, and it's pretty clear at that point what's just happened, but Emmrich just blushes a little and says, "Ah," and then wraps his hand around Rook's arm and leads her away, back towards the cage with Gus.

"Okay," Rook says, as Gus sniffs her boot on the off chance it contains carrots. "That was weird."

"I fear there are bound to be clashes when multiple cultures blend, my dear," Emmrich tells her, a low murmur directly into her ear. "We in Nevarra, especially amongst the Mourn Watch, are slightly more--shall we say, open? Don't take it personally that Bellara withheld the information of her liaison with Irelin. I don't think it was done maliciously."

"No, I mean--why aren't you--upset?"

Emmrich's brows furrow. "Whyever would I be upset? I'm hardly a prude, Rook. These are difficult times, and any small piece of comfort one can find should be readily taken. A tent in the middle of a busy camp is an...interesting location, but I understand our dear Bellara has history with Irelin, and should the object of my affections be willing--"

"No, no, I mean--you're not--are you okay with this? You and Bellara have some kind of..." Rook scrambles about for an accurate word. "Agreement? About this kind of stuff?"

Emmrich's eyebrows do an odd, fluttery sort of thing that reminds Rook of a puppet she once saw being manipulated by a group of playful wisps. Sort of like his face is trying to show half a dozen emotions at once.

"Why on earth would Bellara and I have ever spoken about her sex life," he says flatly, and far more bluntly than Rook is used to him being. Heat floods her body as she realizes that she has, somewhere along the way, wildly misunderstood something.

"I," says Rook, "have made a mistake."

"Rook," he says, with a voice like he's trying to diffuse a spell primed to explode, "Darling. If you thought Bellara and I were involved, would you mind enlightening me exactly as to...what you think my intentions were when I took you to the Memorial Gardens."

Rook wonders if Gus the nug could be persuaded to eat her whole.

"Enrichment?" she mutters.

"Enrichment," Emmrich sighs under his breath.

There is a long, gravid beat of silence.

"That clearing we passed earlier," Rook mumbles under her breath, once the world is done tilting on its axis. "Looked enriching."

"Quite," Emmrich says promptly. He grabs her by the hand and only grins a little when she releases a frantic, giddy giggle as he pulls her away from the camp.

[storiesoflilies]

hiraeth

synopsis: the story of two broken souls trying to heal themselves by finding solace in each other and the mysteries of the universe, until shadows from the past threaten everything. the follow up to metanoia. w.c: 18.5k.

pairings: toji fushiguro x f!reader / satoru gojo x f!reader.

warnings: ANGST! sfw, descriptions of grief, mentions of death, the healing journey, a touch of satosugu vibes. there are fluff and wholesome moments, i promise.

a/n: it’s finally here! just in time for me n my most beloved blorbo’s birthday :3 i hope you all enjoy this story, and that the ending is everything you’ve been hoping for. it’s been so fun returning to this au! @gothsuguru this one’s for you bestie <3

art / art / divider / playlist / ao3

there was a certain comfort to be found in absolute silence.

it was warm, precious, and free from any judgement in a way that nothing else in the world could be. at that time, to be consumed in its invisible, molten core of gold felt wonderful. her mind was free from all the music and the dancing numbers and the scratching of the angels’ quills on their scrolls.

and it was silent when toji fushiguro left her.

so maybe, it was in silence that he would come back to her.

that’s what she wanted to believe.

but it was all nothing but a foolish, hopeless dream of a lover.

she could not recall most of that summer, no matter how hard she tried. it was lost in a haze of salty tears and the smoke of dreamless sleep. but she remembered the dull ache in her bones, the heaviness pressing down on her chest, crushing her cracking, splintering spine into the bed.

she had no fight in her to resist any of it – not anymore.

there wasn’t much she could do but lie there, like ice melting against the salt of her dried tears, seeping into every stitch and loose thread in the sheets.

there wasn’t much of the world left anymore, either.

there was only a white ceiling and the yellowing, dirty bed linens. the steady drip! drip! drip! of the kitchen sink, and the dull smell of a very tired, stale room that she couldn’t even recall ever holding any happiness within its walls.

everything that had once made her who she had already dissipated long ago into the atmosphere, leaving nothing behind but the white noise that filled her ears with the silent screams of angels.

let them.

let them scream, let them cry.

she hated them all.

she hated the green tea she used to drink, and the stupid, big ceramic mugs she had poured it into, and all the numbers and letters that led her here, and vanilla ice cream dripping down, down, down onto the pavement, and shaving razors and–

a violent sob caught in her throat, nearly choking her on her own admission.

that she hated toji fushiguro too.

she didn’t even have to try and solve for any sort of equation to arrive to that answer.

somebody, please help me.

and that was all she remembered of that summer, before her phone lit up with a call.

| Φ |

“i can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

| Φ |

the cafe hadn’t changed much at all over the summer.

there was some new artwork done by students at the university hanging on the walls. they were all different sizes and colors, with no particular theme connecting any of them to each other. there was also a new bell hanging above the the entrance door. it was a much louder bell, not at all delicate or mellow like the last one.

she much preferred it that way.

there were too many memories in the old one’s tune.

she was currently staring holes into a piece of art hanging on the wall behind the cash register. it was hard to decipher if there was supposed to be any hidden meaning beneath the seemingly random swirls of red and bold blue brushstrokes of what looked like oil paint to her. no, maybe it was acrylic?

she clicked her tongue, already giving up on trying to guess.

a customer entered the shop, and she was sharply reminded of what her manager had said to her not even an hour ago.

“don’t forget to smile sometimes, yeah?”

they had said it sympathetically – sheepishly, even – because it came from a place of shameful embarrassment of having to even say it in the first place. of course, she knew they meant well, but it was the not so hidden implication of it all that echoed through her head like the memory of the old bell above the door.

she wasn’t who she used to be anymore, and she certainly wasn’t doing very well at all.

and everyone had seemed to notice.

she swallowed down the stone stuck in her throat and quickly went about making the customer’s order, forcing a smile on her face in the hopes it would just make him go away faster. it wasn’t fair to the customer, she knew that, but she couldn’t help how she felt.

any sort of human interaction was just so unbelievably tiresome for her now.

towards the end of the summer, she made the split-second decision to pursue a master’s degree in physics. she didn’t know what else to do, but two things were certain: she couldn’t go back home, and she couldn’t bring herself to find a proper job. her mind was far too numb for either of those things, lost in a fog that weighed down heavy on her entire being. she had no energy to network or put up false pleasantries to build any sort of meaningful connections both in and out of the workplace.

so, when she got the call back from her manager that she could stay on at the cafe, everything seemed to conveniently fall into place. no one could argue with what she was doing. she was furthering her education and saving more money by taking the course part-time.

and that was exactly what she wanted – to be bothered as little as possible.

deep breath in…

as she handed the customer his order in a pale-green styrofoam cup.

and out.

that was how she got through every interaction, day after day.

because if she could survive for long enough, then maybe – just maybe – she could begin to claw her way out of the crumbling black hole of obsidian she was buried under.

she hoped.

the doorbell rang out loudly.

she looked up sharply, and put on the best smile that she could muster, so much that her cheeks almost hurt.

it was the owner of the shop.

what– why are they here?

and then, a star walked in.

she sucked in a breath.

no, it was just a boy. a boy who looked like a star that had just fallen down from the heavens. all blues and pearly, fluffy hair and teeth shining in the brightest, most perfect smile she had ever seen in her whole life. he must have been born from a blue nebula, she thought, because he was so wonderfully rare, unlike anything or anybody else at all.

she could have sworn she heard the sound of a quill tapping against the side of an ink pot.

| Φ |

“you don’t have share anything you don’t want to. just say whatever feels right for you.”

| Φ |

the boy’s name was satoru gojo, and he was the owner’s nephew.

“he’s just transferred from a university in tokyo,” they’d said, with a proud, hushed reverence in their voice when they whispered the last word.

she could only nod along silently, pretending to be impressed, while all she was really thinking was why on earth he would transfer from a probably prestigious university to come here of all places.

it didn’t really matter; satoru was here now.

and he was her new colleague.

the extra interactions she had to handle on a daily basis were absolutely bone wearying. teaching him how to use the coffee machine, where all the ingredients and cleaning supplies were kept, and how to lock up the cafe for the night. it was all just too much; she hadn’t signed up for any of this. the next two years were supposed to be as easy as they possibly could be.

but more than anything, it was satoru and his irritatingly perky attitude that got on her nerves the most.

it wasn’t fair to him at all, and she knew it, but she couldn’t help the nagging, grating annoyance he made her feel. his chirpy voice was like nails on a chalkboard, scraping away at her already thin patience. and then there was him, with his stupidly good looks that made every customer that came in through the door do a double take.

more than that, it was the way satoru had the gall to pretend he didn’t enjoy it – when he obviously did.

no, that wasn’t the worst thing of all.

it was the way that satoru persistently attempted to get to know her. it confused her to no end, haphazardly cutting through the endless haze of brain fog, because she couldn’t understand for the life of her why someone like him would ever want to know someone like her.

“so,” he began one day, the autumn sunset filtering through the window. “you study physics too?”

too?

her manager must have been running their mouth, again.

she cleared her throat, putting down the damp cloth she’d been using to clean the cash register. “yeah, uh– you too, huh?”

satoru smiled that signature lopsided smile of his. “second year.”

when she only nodded silently, picking up her cloth again to silently signal she wasn’t interested in continuing conversation, he pressed on anyways. “yeah, i heard you’re doing your master’s now too. you must be really enjoying it.”

the last part was more of a question than a statement to her.

“sure,” she replied flatly, perhaps even snappily, and satoru’s smile faltered slightly.

a strange pang of guilt struck her that only got worse as the silence between them stretched on uncomfortably. she squirmed in her seat, aggressively rubbing her cloth between every nook and cranny of the register, while satoru busied himself cleaning the coffee machine, uncharacteristically quiet.

finally, she couldn’t stand the awkwardness anymore, and put down her cloth with a sigh as she swiveled in her seat to face him.

“so, are you enjoying it?” she asked quietly, her gaze dropping to the dried skin around her cuticles.

“sorry, what?”

“are you enjoying your course?”

“oh, yeah i am, actually,” he replied, a twinkle in his cerulean eyes as he laughed heartily. she suddenly felt quite warm. “i’m quite the genius.”

“oh, really?”

from then on, he wouldn’t – or, rather he couldn’t – shut up about it. it was like the floodgates had opened, and he went on about anything and everything that sprang to his mind. how he was planning on solving all the unknown theories of the universe, like he was planning on plucking the answers straight from the stars. the more she listened to him, watching the way his lips moved animatedly, the more she believed that if anybody could do it, it was him.

strangely enough, she found that she actually liked listening to satoru gojo talk.

but what struck her the most was how he was like her – and more. she knew that if he wanted to become one of the greats, he would.

if he wasn’t already, that is.

for the first time in what felt like years, she felt her lips curve into a genuine smile.

| Φ |

“it’s okay to cry. you’re really brave for coming here, and i know it’s not easy taking this first step.”

| Φ |

they started studying together at the cafe during the quiet afternoons that stretched into the evenings.

there was the air of familiarity to it all, the same aura of memories she had of doing the same thing not so long ago with a vastly different boy. it brought an unbearably searing heat of anxiety straight to her stomach. she tried her best to shove those feelings deep down into a pit of pebbles, zoning out often and long enough that satoru would frantically wave his palm in front of her eyes.

“you’re doing it again,” he said, his head tilted, a heavy hardback textbook split open in his lap.

she blinked once, shook her head a little, and lightly tapped her cheek twice. “sorry,” she mumbled, then took a few sips from her mug of bitter black coffee, which had long since gone cold.

green tea was something she hasn’t touched since, well, that day.

satoru looked at her for a moment too long, a strange look crossing his face that she couldn’t decipher, before he buried his nose back in the book on his lap.

the sun had set quite some time ago, and the beginning of winter was already making the days so much shorter. only the warm glow of pale orange lamps filled the cafe, bathing anyone inside in a warm, cozy glow. there were no customers at the moment, much to her relief, probably because it was still the beginning of the semester and the students weren’t in cramming mode just yet.

another hot bubble of anxiety churned in her stomach, and she fought to keep from wincing as her heart started to race.

“so, how are you finding that book?” she blurted out, trying to distract herself.

satoru hummed thoughtfully. “it’s good, thanks for letting me borrow it. you’ve got good taste.”

she snorted, though it was somewhat strained, forced. “hah! well, thank you, i suppose.”

he looked up at her again, and she felt herself shrink just a little. she could never get used to his eyes no matter how hard she tried. they were unlike anything she had ever seen before, and the longer she stared into them, the more it felt like they multiplied into six eyes. it felt like he could see right through her and rummage through the mess of broken heartstrings and glass inside her, and know everything that had ever happened to her – and everything that ever would.

was he an angel?

maybe he was the one who had been trying to solve her equation this whole time.

she almost laughed at that.

don’t be ridiculous.

“you’re too good at this, you know?” satoru suddenly stated, closing the book over with one of his fingers wedged between the pages he had been reading.

she frowned. “what do you mean? physics?”

“yeah. you’re like me, you have a gift for all this. even when you don’t really care about it, you’re still good at it.”

she picked the edge of her finger. “i-uh, wait, what do you mean i don’t care about it anymore? i obviously do. i’m doing a masters for fuck’s sake.”

she didn’t know why she felt the need to lie about it or why she suddenly felt so defensive.

he was hitting a nerve, and he knew it.

satoru gave her a look, a smug smirk on his lips. “no, you don’t.”

“i do!”

“no. you don’t.”

“yes actually, i do.”

“you’re lying.”

“no, i’m not! why would i lie?”

“i dunno, you tell me.”

damn you, satoru gojo.

she bit her lip to stop it from wobbling. satoru’s face crumbled like tumbling stones, and his book dropped to the floor with a loud bang.

“hey, hey,” he rushed, standing up and nearly knocking his chair over behind him. “hey, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean- fuck! i’m so sorry.”

the delicate skin of her lip throbbed from how hard she was biting it, and she was sure it would bruise by tomorrow morning. she swallowed thickly, avoiding satoru and those stupid, all-seeing eyes of his.

“it’s fine,” she muttered, hoping the tears gathering in the corner of her eye wouldn’t spill in front of him. “i-uh, let’s just get ready to close, okay?”

satoru frowned, rubbing the back of his neck like he wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted to do.

in the end, he said nothing at all.

they quietly packed up their things, locked the door, and the bell sang them a sad goodbye tune as they walked their separate ways into the night.

| Φ |

“so, your friend told you to come here?”

“i-uh, more like made me. sorry.”

| Φ |

being alone wasn’t so unbearable for her anymore.

but it still wasn’t good.

she’d moved out of the two-bedroom apartment she’d shared with her old roommate soon after starting her master's. there was no point in paying for an extra room, and she certainly didn’t feel like living in close quarters with another human being. so, she moved into a studio apartment in the building next door.

it was… decent.

perfectly adequate, really. there was no peeling walls or mold anywhere, and it didn’t drain too much of her energy to keep it all somewhat clean. in the beginning, the smaller space was oddly comforting. she felt secure, like a little mouse in a tin box.

safer.

snugly enclosed within the walls of a home that hadn’t been tainted by old memories.

although, she still didn’t have much energy to cook. there had been too many things she'd wasted money on, too many things that had gone out of date that she had the unpleasant task of cleaning up before moving out. the employees at the 7-eleven across from the cafe had grown embarrassingly familiar with her as she bought cup after cup of instant ramen for her dinner every night for weeks during those first weeks after moving in.

one night, an employee – an older lady with obviously nothing better to do –finally said to her, “you know, there are fresh bento boxes on sale at the end of the day. it’s healthier than… this.”

she’d just sniffed at the woman, pushing her cup forward with a defiant jut of her chin. the lady had sighed, shaking her head as she scanned the noodles. when she arrived home, she took her shoes off and threw her keys onto the kitchen counter. she flicked the kettle on and walked over to her bed to change out of her clothes.

and that was when she saw it.

her reflection in the mirror.

god, she didn’t realize just how awful she looked. her skin was horrible, her eyes tired and sullen, probably from living off a diet of instant noodles with little to no water. she didn’t know why, but the sight shocked her to the core.

she knew she wasn’t doing well.

but, she just didn’t think she looked that tired.

from that night on, she bought the bento boxes on sale every night. the employee never bothered her again after that, just gave her a smug smile that told her everything she needed to know. the changes in her were small, barely noticeable, but it felt like a step in the right direction.

she hated to admit that the lady had been right.

but still, it wasnt a complete fix.

so here she was, quietly chewing on a bite of peppered beef and rice, doing her best to stifle her sobs as music played from the radio in the background.

she hadn’t meant to get so emotional, but it had gotten too overwhelming for her to handle. satoru and all his damn questions – why did this random boy from who knows where in the world manage to get under her skin so much? she barely even knew him at all. the only two things that tied them together was that cafe and physics, and even that was fragile at best.

it was almost like at the start with…

no.

she couldn’t even say his name in her head.

it was all absolutely pathetic – she was pathetic.

“even if you don’t really care about it, you’re still good at it.”

is that what her life was going to be from now on? living a lie? pretending that she cared about whatever it was she was doing, while on the inside, she was still falling down that infinite green hole the boy with a perfect scar on his lip had pushed her into.

she sniffled, tossing the now empty box into the bin.

when would it all end?

she just wanted to stop feeling so hopeless all the time. she wanted to be happy again, to hear the numbers and angels singing to her like they used to, to feel and be how she once was.

but everything was still so quiet.

and probably would be for a long time.

that was why being here, in her tiny box of a house, still felt like no home at all.

| Φ |

“do you want to start from the beginning?”

“not really, but sure.”

| Φ |

the next day, when she arrived at the cafe, satoru was already there waiting for her.

and he was so obviously nervous that it set her teeth on edge.

from the moment she caught sight of him from outside the window, she could tell something was off. he was behind the counter, his hands a blur as he poured coffee and punched the buttons on the cash register to hand customers their change. satoru must have been keeping an eye out for her, because the moment he spotted her through the glass, he froze.

a snowy deer caught in the headlights.

then, he gave her what was probably the most awkward, jerky wave she had ever recieved.

right up until she walked behind the counter to stand beside him, he was a jittery mess, his foot tapping incessantly as he waited for the two girls hovering in front the cash register to finish deciding what they wanted to have.

“hey!” he greeted, far too cheerily. his voice was a little high-pitched, a crack in it like chipped porcelain.

she blinked twice, slowly, as she tied a beige apron around her waist. “hi.”

one of the girls at the counter cleared her throat, clearly unimpressed that nobody was paying attention to them. satoru snapped back into reality, mumbled a half-hearted apology, and she hurriedly got started on making their drinks. meanwhile, satoru fumbled with the coins as one of the girls dropped them into his open palm.

this was all so unlike him.

he was always so smooth and confident, annoyingly so.

it felt almost wrong to see him like this.

but they continued in a fragile, comfortable silence, serving customers and cleaning up tables after they left. when it was golden hour and the shop was somewhat empty, satoru finally let out a great big breath, like he had been holding it in the whole time.

“sheesh!” he exclaimed, stretching his legs, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. “that was so busy. how did you used to do this all by yourself?”

she gave him an amused look. “well, it wasn’t this busy a year ago. it’s gotten much more popular.”

satoru grinned, but it was tight, forced. “really? must be because of you and your great service.”

she didn’t know what to say, but she snorted, somewhat amused.

“hey, so uh… about last night,” he started, already stumbling over his words, but she quickly held up a hand to stop him.

“it’s all good, satoru,” she said firmly, trying her hardest to still be gentle. “i didn’t mean to get so emotional, so i’m sorry about that.”

he stared at her for a heartbeat longer, and she felt a strange flutter in her chest. she couldn’t stand the feeling, and got right back to adding more pink mooncakes to the clear display box at the counter. this time, it was her turn to keep an eye on him. satoru was breathing rapidly, his chest puffing and falling quickly, a peach-pink blush dusting the tips of his ears.

he looked positively miserable.

like he was absolutely bursting to say something but was holding back.

she bit her lip. “are you okay?”

satoru froze, his hand pausing from refilling the jar for the lids for the takeaway cups.

“yeah, i just-” he swallowed thickly, not quite looking at her. “i’m really sorry about yesterday.”

“is that all? i promise you, satoru, it’s all good.”

satoru fidgeted, his fingers rapidly tapping against a white lid. for a moment, neither of them moved, the low hum of a handful of customers conversing filling the air. a cup clinked loudly against a saucer, shattering the tension between them, and he inhaled sharply.

“i’m sorry if i push you too much,” satoru said softly, like he wasn’t sure whether he should even say it at all. “i don’t mean to.”

a stab of guilt pierced her heart.

it would be a lie to say that he hadn’t been pushing her out of her comfort zone. for the last few months, he had been nothing but persistently nice to her. anytime they crossed paths on campus, he always smiled and waved, pulling her into the orbit of his blue brightness, no matter how hard she tried to avoid it. at first, she was convinced that he would get bored of her quickly, that he would find more interesting company to keep than hers.

so, she tried to ignore it when she could.

but satoru never let up, not even a bit.

when she wouldn’t wave back, turning her back instead, there would be a tap on her left shoulder, and satoru would pop out from her right, spooking her with a laugh that made it seem like he knew exactly what she was up to.

and he didn’t care or seem to mind.

whenever she was clearly making no move to initiate a conversation, he always did it for her.

and he’d always ask her how she was.

how her day had been, or if she’d slept well the night before whenever they worked a morning shift together. during their quiet study sessions at the cafe, he’d always ask her how her course was going. at first, she thought satoru was just trying to fill the silence, that he was restless – too full of energy that he didn’t know what to do with. but now, she saw that she had been wrong the whole time.

she’d been blinded by his eccentricity and her own self-wallowing to notice it before.

that satoru gojo had a big heart.

and for some reason, he genuinely cared about her. it might not have been hard to notice that she wasn’t okay, but he had – and had tried to fix it. little by little, their study sessions and conversations were slowly pulling her back to the version of herself she thought she would never get back.

“you weren’t… pushing me,” she said slowly.

satoru gave her a pointed look. “yes i was. you know i was, especially last night.”

“okay,” she laughed a little, and a small smile appeared on his face. “maybe just a little.”

they both spared a glance at each other and broke into a nervous fit of laughter. for a moment, it all seemed normal, but then their smiles fades, and the silence crept back in like a parasite, with the light in satoru’s eyes dying like a smothered candle.

“well, i promise not to bother you half as much anymore,” he huffed playfully, though his eyes shifted away from her face.

she chewed the inside of her cheek.

“i… don’t want that.”

satoru looked back up at her sharply.

“you don’t?”

“i just- i’m not… it’s hard for me to feel good about things anymore.”

but being around you has been the only good thing for me. you’re the only person who makes me feel even a little like how i used to.

she couldn’t bring herself to say that, though.

because, whether or not satoru had meant to push her so much didn’t matter anymore. she had now realized, with a particularly harsh slap of reality, how much she had needed it. her changes had been so small and gradual that she hadn’t even noticed them herself. she couldn’t even remember the day when she finally didn’t dread leaving the house anymore, only that it had just happened.

and the boy made from blue starlight had been a huge part of making that happen.

satoru was like an icicle suspended over the edge of a cliff. was it concern, or maybe even shock on his face? she clenched her fists, nails digging into her skin. she didn’t know what she would do if he decided she was just too much for him, too heavy a burden that he hadn’t signed up to carry. if satoru decided to let go and fall, she didn’t know what she would do. she’d be all alone again if he left, and she didn’t think she could survive it this time.

please, i’m sorry. i’ll be better, i promise. just hang in there and wait for me a little longer.

but then, slowly, satoru flashed her that feather-soft smile he had given her the first time she finally waved back at him. it was softer, different to the way he usually smiled, like the notion meant so much more to him than she realized.

and she felt like everything might finally start to be okay.

| Φ |

“do you regret letting the things that happened to you in the past hurt her too?”

“of course i do, that’s why i’m here. i’m fucking broken, and i need help.”

| Φ |

the streets were dusted with a light frosting of snow.

there wasn’t much of it at all, really. it was hardly deep enough to make a snowball from, but it was enough to blanket everything in a sea of powdery whiteness. a cold drop of water dripped from a streetlight straight onto her nose, and she shivered profusely from the shock of it, pulling her itchy woolen scarf tighter around her neck.

there were faint tracks in the snow leading up to the cafe, and she guessed they probably belonged to satoru.

they had both been tasked with decorating the cafe with a little festive cheer on this crisp sunday morning. satoru had groaned about it, complaining that he would do anything but that on his day off. he only begrudgingly agreed to it after being bribed with unlimited access to the seasonal sweet treats.

and only if she helped him too.

so, that was how she had also been dragged into it on her day off.

she pushed open the door, scraping her damp boots against the entrance mat as warmth seeped into her bones. satoru had actually remember to turn the heating on, and her heart swelled with gratitude.

however, her good feelings were quite short lived.

“satoru,” she hissed. “what the fuck?”

the place was in absolute disarray.

tangled lights were strung about randomly, baubles of various shapes and colors rolled haphazardly across the floor, and the branches of the fake christmas tree were decidedly not attached where they were supposed to be. satoru was lazing at the counter, completely engrossed in his textbook, not even sparing her a glance as he deadpanned.

“what? i took everything out of the boxes like you told me to.”

“ugh! not like this, and you know it! seriously, it looks like you just dumped everything out onto the floor and just left it.”

his humorous snort told her that was exactly what he did.

it was painfully obvious that satoru gojo absolutely did not like christmas.

as soon as december hit, satoru became quite restrained, even dejected. he wasn’t up for doing much at all, except sitting around and reading her old textbooks. whenever someone asked if he had any plans for the holidays, he would just say “no,” in a way that completely shut down the conversation. if he overheard customers discussing their festive plans for too long, he would zone out, like he was lost somewhere far away from here.

she strode toward him, making sure to stomp her feet a little. satoru never bothered to look up at her, so he didn’t see when she picked up a plastic candy cane and threw it at his head.

“ow! seriously?”

“help me. now.”

letting out an exaggerated groan, satoru slammed the book shut with a loud slap and slowly – very slowly – slid off his chair.

it took several hours of hard work, but they eventually managed to turn the cafe into a mini wonderland. dainty red bows and lights were tastefully placed around, gold and silver tinsel glinted playfully in the sunlight, and the tree in the center of the tables was adorned with emerald and blue baubles.

“what do you think, satoru?”

but he was hardly paying any attention.

“sure, looks fine.”

in fact, satoru looked like something was crawling painfully beneath his perfect skin. he seemed ready to bolt outside without saying another word to her.

“are you alright?” she asked carefully, setting down a pretty green bauble she had been holding.

he looked up at her blankly. “yeah, i just don’t like all…” he gestured around him. “this.”

“not a festive person?”

“not really.”

“oh, okay.”

“it’s not for everyone sometimes, you know?”

“well, yeah… sure.”

“and it’s so much fuss for just one day.”

“mhm.”

“i hope you don’t think i’m like… i don’t know, a grinch or something.”

“i don’t think you’re a grinch, satoru.”

she tried not to notice how he shivered when she said his name.

“good, because i’m not. i don’t actually want someone else being miserable too.”

“what do you mean too?”

at this, satoru fell silent, like he’d said too much, revealed something she wasn’t supposed to know. they were quiet for a while, mostly because she didn’t know what to say, and satoru seemed quite lost in a place she wasn’t sure she wanted to follow him into. then, he flashed her that signature smile of is, his teeth glinting, and for the first time, she felt like she was seeing it for what it really was all along.

a defense mechanism.

for everyone to stay away, to not get too near him. to be blinded by his beauty and not ask too many questions.

“well, looks like we’re all done here!” he exclaimed quickly, clapping his hands together with a flourish. “wanna go get something sweet?”

satoru didn’t wait for her to answer.

before she knew it, he’d shoved his dark beanie over his snowy hair, and was bounding out of the shop. she watched him briefly through the window, rubbing his hands together, his breath coming out in little wispy puffs. he caught her looking and motioned with his head for her to come on.

she sighed, switching off the heating and locking up behind her.

“you know,” she said, not missing the way he winced. “you can always talk to me, right?”

satoru seemed to think about this for a moment before shaking his head and replying with a far too-cheerful, “of course! now, let’s go.”

the boy was hiding something in his galaxy of cerulean stars.

but then again, so was she.

| Φ |

“what was it like being with her?”

“it was peaceful and she was so beautiful, and god, so smart. like, she could discover something that would change the world, you know?… fuck!”

| Φ |

it was christmas eve.

she was watching the snow falling outside, holding a mug of coffee between her palms. the radio station, with its faint static buzz muffling the words, was the sort that lonely people listened to in movies. the host was chatting away in between songs like they didn’t think anybody was listening, probably assuming that everyone was being festive with their families, and not tuning in to some random station.

i’m listening, though. i’m here.

“it’s a lovely, quiet night, isn’t it? some people hate the quiet, though. like there’s something wrong with it.”

she’d pretended that she absolutely had to work over the holidays to avoid going home, and she didn’t regret it one bit. this was all somewhat… nice, actually. her mind was mostly quiet, focused on the coffee and the radio and the snow falling delicately to the ground below.

she took a sip from her mug, a pleasant, tingling burn on her tongue. there was some truth in that sentiment, she mused.

“but i think that it’s only when things are quiet and still, that you can find out a lot about yourself!”

well, she wasn’t so sure if she had discovered anything new about herself other than pain.

ring! ring! ring!

she nearly spilled her coffee all over her lap.

it was satoru.

for some reason, he hadn’t gone back home either. she hadn’t pressed him on why he didn’t, probably because he wouldn’t have told her the truth anyway, or brush her off with a half-hearted joke instead of a real answer.

slowly, she reached for her phone. “hello?”

it was quiet.

too quiet.

and then, the barest sound of what might have been a sniffle.

“hi,” satoru greeted, his voice filled with broken glass.

and it was like all the light and happiness in the world had gone. her eyes became glossy. he sounded familiar, only because she knew that she had once sounded like that too. she could recognize the sound of a person who had lost everything, and was barely clinging onto this plane of existence.

“what are you doing?” he whispered.

she stifled a sob. “nothing really, you?”

“same.”

there was a gust of wind outside, sending the snow dancing in a large, swooping whirlpool.

“can i, uh-” he swallowed quite audibly. “can i see you?”

she didn’t miss a beat. “sure.”

“okay, right. i’ll see you in a bit.”

her screen went black as satoru ended the call, and she tapped her cheek three times just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. when she realized that she definitely wasn’t, she scrambled up from her warm spot on the sofa, picking up all the random clothes off the floor and shoving them into drawers just for the time being. she was overthinking everything, every little mess, and what satoru would think when he saw her apartment.

should she give the counter a wipe?

was there maybe a smell about?

knock! knock! knock!

there was no time to think about all that.

how had he gotten here so quickly?

she breathed out shakily, wiping her forehead as she hesitantly opened the door.

and there he was with his head bowed low.

there were plenty of snowflakes clinging stubbornly onto his beanie and coat, and she guessed that he must have been outside for a while. when she looked closed at him, she realized with a start that he was wearing his pyjamas – washed-out, grey sweatpants paired with a shirt with a faded superman logo on it. it might have been funny, but when satoru looked up at her, his eyes were rimmed with bright red crescent moons.

she didn’t need to guess that he had been crying.

“hi,” he said softly, his voice cracking like an old mirror.

“hey, come in,” she replied, stepping aside to let him in.

satoru shivered as he stepped over the threshold of her apartment, pausing to puff hot breaths into his hands. she offered him a tea, asking if he wanted it heavy on the sugar, which he shyly accepted. she watched as he took off his boots at the door, expensive black leather dripping with icy sludge, and took a good, long look all around her apartment.

the radio crackled softly, and satoru only seemed to notice it existed then. “huh, you don’t like t.v or something?” he quipped sadly, hardly carrying any bite in his words at all.

“i can’t be bothered getting one,” she admitted with an awkward smile, stirring the teabag in his mug.

satoru hummed and moved to sit on the sofa, sinking into the cushion like he wanted to just melt into a puddle. he rested his neck against the back, long fingers clasping and flexing like he didn’t know what to do with them. she handed him his tea, and then settled on the other end of the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her, and making a conscious effort not to sit too close to him.

for a while, they both didn’t say anything.

the host on the radio was talking again between songs, their voice soft and airy like the snow falling just outside. the next song slowly faded into life, a familiar wistful version of ‘have yourself a merry little christmas’ filling the quiet room. satoru was just staring at the ceiling, the faintest tremor in his hands as he lifted his mug to sip his tea. she didn’t say a word about it, letting herself zone out as she stared at the loose threads in the carpet.

“sorry, i don’t usually do this,” he finally said. “barge in like this, i mean.”

she blinked, and gave him a small smile of reassurance. “it’s okay, i wasn’t doing anything anyways.”

“oh, okay. you didn’t feel like going back home?”

“i could ask you the same thing.”

satoru swallowed, his throat bobbing up and down. then, his shoulders slumped, and his head fell forward in a silent surrender.

she held in a breath.

the angel’s were reaching a key moment in solving their formula, she could feel it in her bones, in her soul. she could hear them and their quills, motions quick and decisive, the noise slowly building like pressure inside a closed vessel.

“his name was suguru.”

the name was a stone falling off the edge of a waterfall, crashing against stone and water and air, and here it finally was – in this tiny, unremarkable apartment that didn’t feel like it was nearly good enough to host such an incredible moment.

it all felt inevitable, really. that she was supposed to be here, in this moment, and that everything in her life had happened just to bring her here. how she fallen in love with a quiet boy with green eyes, and how he had left her. how she nearly faded out of existence, only to be pulled back by a call to work where it all began. how her and satoru met, and how their lives had become so beautifully intertwined.

it was like newton’s second law of motion.

every force that had ever acted on her, every event she had collided into, was all to propel her straight into this moment.

“he was my best friend since middle school, and when i tell you we did everything together, we did fucking everything together.”

satoru paused for a moment, pulling his phone out from his pocket and rapidly tapping and scrolling as he searched for something. when he seemingly found it, he carefully handed his phone to her.

it was a picture of the two of them.

she couldn’t help but smile. satoru was all scruff and awkward teenage smiles, much too tall for his own good. and suguru was… beautiful, really. he was everything his best friend wasn’t – composed and regal, with long, dark hair that looked like it had been dipped in black ink. his eyes were a warm, honeyed chocolate, and she didn’t need to have known him to tell that suguru was kind. the quiet, dependable sort. the kind of person you knew would never leave you behind.

“when we graduated, we even decided to study physics together at uni in tokyo. i mean, i genuinely didn’t have a life without him. but it was like, no matter what happened, as long as suguru was there, it would all be okay.”

tears slipped from his eyes, and he bowed his head low, almost dropping between his knees.

“he died a year ago today.”

oh.

oh, god.

“i thought it was a joke, you know? when i got the call from his parents. i mean, seriously? he’d just gone to visit our old school to help out with some stupid fucking basketball tournament the kids were doing. nothing bad was supposed to happen.”

satoru become incredibly quiet, trapped in a fog of lost memories.

“he’d asked me to go with him,” he admitted, his words dripping in shame. “but i didn’t want to.”

she could hear the unspoken words he wanted to say hovering in the air like a ghost, like the angels whittling away at their little equations.

i should have been there.

“the police said the crossroads were all slippery because of the ice, and that suguru fell over.”

i might have saved him.

“the driver wasn’t even looking properly, but he was going way too fucking fast anyways.”

he could still be alive.

“and yeah, i know it’s so pathetic. i can’t even stay in the same city that he died in. it was just too much for me to handle. that’s why i transferred here, actually, because it just wasn’t the same without him.”

it’s all my fault.

she didn’t know what else to say other than, “i get it.”

because she really did.

her and satoru gojo were one and the same, she knew that now. they might have once been two different variables in the same equation, but now the angels had proven them to be equal to each other, melding them into one and solving for the same outcome.

“you know, you’re the only person who hasn’t tried to lie to me about it,” he mumbled, partly to himself, his fingers tight around his mug. “it never gets easier, no matter how much time passes.”

“i agree. you just get better at carrying it while you try to live on.”

satoru finally spared a glance at her, his pale eyes searching her face, as if he was beginning to realize and understand the person who shared atoms with his soul. that everything had changed for them now, and there was no going back in time.

“there’s a page missing in your book, did you know that?” he said carefully, gently, like it might break her.

“huh- what? no. what are you on about?”

“the one you gave me. i had to look the page up online to find out what it’s about.”

“okay… and?”

“well, why would you rip out a page on relativity?”

oh.

she was flooded with memories she didn’t want to remember. if she looked over satoru’s shoulder, she could almost swear she saw a mirage of a certain dark-haired boy looking at her with a resigned expression, like even the ghost of his past didn’t want to be here. she couldn’t remember even doing it, but she must have torn that page out sometime during the summer. satoru clearly noticed the look on her face, must have seen that familiar, haunted look, and realized he’d unknown touched another nerve.

“you want to tell me about it?” he asked softly.

she looked up at him through lashes heavy with tears, while the ghost’s hazy green eyes pierced into her, silently begging for release, for her to not let him continue to haunt her.

“i will, i promise.”

she blinked, wiping her blurry eyes, and the vision was gone.

“but tell me more about suguru.”

| Φ |

“it sounds like you really did love her.”

“i did, i still do. she was it for me.”

| Φ |

on christmas morning, after satoru had spent the night on her sofa, she told him everything about toji fushiguro.

it was the first time she had said his name aloud after so long, like coaxing death back to where it belonged beyond the veil, and breathing life back into the boy with dark hair and everything that had happened to her. it had been much easier to have pretended that toji was actually dead this whole time.

well, he could have been.

after all, she had no way of knowing, but it was an unhealthy coping mechanism, and she knew it. she couldn’t dare do it anymore either, not when satoru was sitting there right across from her having actually lost his person forever.

so, she didn’t hide a thing.

she told him how it all started. how they fell in love, and all the things that happened in between. the green tea, teaching him about her numbers and stars and the summer of vanilla ice cream. for some reason, she felt sheepish at revealing the trauma that had happened to toji when he was a child, but she had to do it. it was the catalyst for why he had just up and left, and none of it would have made sense to satoru.

much like when she had listened to him the night before, he hadn’t said a word the entire time she spoke. but she knew satoru was listening. in fact, he was completely immersed in her story. like he could feel everything she could. he smiled at the happy parts, even laughed, his expression only turning twisted and sour at the end of it – like her anger and pain was his to bear too.

it made her feel much less alone in all of it.

“i hate him,” she said when she finished, her voice sharper than a knife’s edge, dripping with green, green venom.

but he was looking at her like he didn’t believe that for a second.

she didn’t even know she was shivering until satoru got up and draped a blanket over her shoulders, gently prying the mug that she had been gripping tightly. he looked down at her so kindly it made her chest tighten, an encouraging smile curling his baby-pink lips upwards like it was the only thing holding all her pieces together.

there was something… changed about him.

even with his fluffy hair, a messy pile of snow and stardust, there was something a little more airy and less burdened about him. his shoulders were more pulled back, not slouched like before, which she hadn’t even really noticed he had been doing until now.

“you got any food?” satoru asked suddenly, striding confidently over to her fridge and opening it.

she frowned. “for breakfast?”

“no, i mean for dinner. we have to have some kind of feast don’t we?”

“really? now you want to be festive?”

satoru lazily stretched his back, the skin of his waist peeking out. “festivity is subjective. besides, we just so happen to be celebrating on a day everyone else is.”

“uh huh, and what are we celebrating exactly?”

“well, us.”

he said it like it was totally obvious.

“tell you what, i’ll go out to the store and get us stuff for tonight,” he said firmly, already putting his coat and beanie on. “please tell me you have pots and pans we can use.”

she deadpanned. “yes.”

“hey, i’m only asking because i’m not the one who goes into a 7-eleven every night for dinner.”

she threw a pillow in his direction, but he was already out the door before it could land anywhere near him. sighing, she rubbed her still-tired eyes and glanced around the apartment. whatever satoru was planning for later, it wouldn’t do to have the place messy. she mopped the floors properly and gave the kitchen a good clean, scrubbing all the pots and pans that had been sitting unused in the cabinets since she moved in.

by the time satoru came back with several white plastic bags of groceries, the apartment was spotless and ready for whatever mess was about to unfold in the kitchen.

“you certainly don’t skimp out,” she remarked, eyeing the bags and their contents as he dumped them out onto the counter.

satoru only laughed, rolling up his sleeves and washing his hands. “i’m rich. so, no.”

“pft! well, thanks for all this.”

together, they started prepping for their feast, deciding to make oden with all the fresh vegetables that satoru had bought. soon enough, a wonderfully savory, wholesome scent filled the apartment. she assembled the table while satoru stirred the pot, putting together the sides, the radio merrily playing christmas tunes on and on. when they finally sat down to eat, when she took the first bite of her stew, she almost cried.

she hadn’t realized just how much she had missed this – taking care of her body, cooking something nutritious and homemade. maybe that was why her apartment didn’t feel like home.

how could it be? she had never even made a home-cooked meal in it.

she decided to remedy that from that moment on.

as the evening wore on, they ended up back on the sofa together. a blanket was draped over their legs, a dip between them filled with all the sweets satoru had brought over. the radio switched between more mellow tunes and cheerful ones, and that same host from last night was on again.

but she wasn’t listening in this time.

her and satoru were completely engrossed in one another, talking about what had drawn them to physics in the first place, and about all the stars and planets they wish they could see one day. she felt something warm kindling in her chest. maybe it was the atoms of herself coming back together, little by little. she wasn’t sure, but it felt like a flicker of something familiar.

it wasn’t happiness, not yet.

but as satoru tore a piece of red bean mochi in half, offering her one part with that stellar grin on his face, she thought it might just get there.

| Φ |

“i hope you had a happy new years- ah! yes, of course, it was your birthday as well! how was it?”

“yeah, alright, thanks. was just a quiet night in for me.”

| Φ |

the rest of the school year passed by in a hazy kaleidoscope of colours.

it certainly wasn’t rosy, but it was satoru and her, and all the colors that made him.

mostly, he was dripping in hues of red.

vibrant and lusciously full of life, satoru exuded a sort of confidence that made her want to grit her teeth. she was jealous of him when he was like this – a glorious star of red that burned bright and hot. she wished she could put up her own veil of red to the world, something gushing with so much vitality and mirth that nobody could ever guess she was green with sadness. but it was all a front, a distraction to hide what he was feeling deep down.

because above all, satoru was blue.

she knew it had everything to do with suguru. he would withdraw from the world, hiding away in his bedroom for days. she'd knock on his door, and satoru would answer with heavy bags under his eyes and a glossy sheen in them. he wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep either – just lie there and stare up at he ceiling like he wanted to float up through the atmosphere and into space.

but the worst was when he was purple.

an infinity that blended his melancholy and beauty. satoru was borderline cruel, even a touch mad, when he was like this. he’d flash everyone a stellar smile, drawing them in while his fangs glinted, enticing them with the sweetest honey they didn’t realize was dangerous until they were trapped in its sticky depths.

she recognized him for what he was in those moments.

something pretty to look at but never, ever to touch.

still, she gradually came to understand all of satoru’s colors the way he understood hers. she learned how to dip a paintbrush in them all and create something different. there were soft, cooler tones for his burning red to sizzle out against, streaks of yellow through his blue to remind him of the light within him.

none of it was perfect.

it was jagged and messy at the best of times, but it was real. eventually, satoru learned to sit there and take the time to paint too, his hands shaking and unsteady, with an indomitable will to fight through it all.

and now, at the beginning of the summer, she knew satoru gojo was healing when he said to her, “come with me.”

she looked up questioningly. “what?”

“come with me,” he repeated casually, not lifting his eyes from his sheet of messily scrawled calculations. “come and spend the summer with me in tokyo.”

tokyo.

that seemingly faraway place where everybody wanted to end up. where a persons merit was deemed worth enough if they had made it there. the place where love ran away to die a death unseen, still but acutely felt, even through all the distance.

it felt forbidden to her.

that it was toji’s place to hide away, and she would ruin it all for him if she went there.

satoru glanced up when her silence stretched on for too long. his eyebrow quirked up unimpressed. “if it’s money you’re worried about, then don’t. you can stay with me at my place. my parents won’t mind.”

“it’s not that,” she mumbled, rubbing a pink sugar packet between her fingers.

he pursed his lips, shutting his book, and got up from his seat. motioning for her to take his place, satoru set about preparing something. she furrowed her brows, perplexed, but trying to focus on his calculations to avoid staring at him.

and then, a steaming mug of green tea appeared – a pool of pale green staring up at her like a ghost.

“drink it,” satoru ordered, but his voice was gentle, like a helping hand. “if i can go back, you can do this.”

she stared at him for a moment longer, her heart ticking faster like the sound of an alarm clock about to ring. she thought of the law of inertia, and how she had remained motionless, stuck in the same place for so long. maybe it was time to move on, to overcome her own resistance and start moving again. a year had passed, after all, and if he could just run away and live his life, then so could she.

and with that, she took a sip.

| Φ |

“i just want to say that i’m very proud of you and your progress over the last few months. you’re doing very well for yourself.”

“ah, hah! well, thankyou.”

| Φ |

satoru gojo was rich.

she already knew that he was. it wasn’t like he bragged about it often, but she could just tell. it was in the little things he did – or didn’t do. he always wore good quality shirts, the kind that weren’t so prone to wrinkles, and they always looked like they had been pressed by someone else who did it for a living. he never even thought to check his receipts for his grocery shop after swiping his card at the till, and she would click her tongue in amazement at not having to worry about such a thing.

but she didn’t realize just how filthy rich he was until she stepped foot into his apartment.

her jaw had actually dropped.

because of course he had a penthouse, and of course it was like something straight out an interior design magazine. with its floor-to-ceiling windows that hugged the whole space, and perfectly balanced blend of modern and traditional minimalism. there was the scent of tasteful freshness around her, something that was actually much like satoru – linen and eucalyptus, with a hint of peppery sweetness.

she couldn’t help but feel a little giddy.

“satoru,” she whispered with glittering awe on her tongue. “tell me something.”

he hummed questioningly, throwing his two duffle bags onto the floor and collapsing with a huff onto the sofa. “what?”

“why the fuck would you move to our shitty university when you live here?”

“oh, this? my family home is much bigger, actually. just wait til you see that.”

“you- you mean this… isn’t?”

satoru barked out a laugh. “no, this is just my own place.”

“pft!”

the sun had fallen below the skyscrapers, and she pressed her head against the cooled glass to watch the bustling world below her. the lights were twinkling madly, winking at her like they were trying to entice her out into the streets with all its colorful neon signs and billboards. her fingers twitched with anticipation, and she squealed in excitement.

“let’s go, lets go!” she exclaimed suddenly, feeling a burst of energy to explore in a way she thought she had lost as a child. “c’mon!”

satoru grinned at her, and pushed himself off the sofa.

and so began a new summer, one made of blue and white instead of green, green, green.

there were plenty of late nights spent wandering the streets, savoring all sorts of vendors and restaurants. the occasional bar hop in shinjuku, stumbling and bumbling like buzzing bees drunk on nectar, weaving their way back to a train station to get home and sleep the heat of the day away, only to do it all over again.

tonight was one of those particular nights.

they had their arms around each other, her leaning on satoru much more heavily than he was on her. it was too late – or rather, far too early – to catch a train back to the penthouse. satoru was loathe to call his driver, because of course he just had access to one on call at all times and didn’t bother to use them.

“this is sooo much more fun anyways!” he slurred, a glossy bottom lip protruded in a pout.

she blew a raspberry at him, her feet aching and legs feeling numb, but whether it was from the alcohol or pure exhaustion, she couldn’t tell. it was all fun, really, a memory she knew she would always look back on. something to make her smile and shake her head at the antics she used to get up to.

oh, how growing older was so eerily strange.

one moment, she was playing hide and seek, scraping her hands and knees on the pavement as she learned how to ride a bike.

the next she was crying in a heap on the bathroom floor as the love of her life blocked her number and left.

poof!

like he had never even existed in the first place.

“poof!” she mumbled, feeling her stomach lurch with bubbling anxiousness.

“heyyy! what’re you thinkin about?”

satoru’s voice startled her, and she hadn’t realized she’d stopped moving or that the weight of him was no longer slowing her down. he was peering at her expectantly, two moons of blue shining through the dark and bathing her in his aura.

but he already knew.

satoru always knew.

he sighed, reaching out a hand to her like salvation. she realized that he was, her saving grace, her cerulean light at the end of that infinite tunnel of vacuum and green ink.

she slid her palm in his, their fingers tangling together and fitting perfectly together in each other’s equation.

“can i take you somewhere?” satoru whispered, staring in drunk awe at their hands stuck together.

“mhm.”

the sky was just starting to change, as the sun gently pressed delicate kisses to it, making it blush in strokes of indigo and pale orange. she didn’t know where they were going, and she didn’t care. her brain was far too tired to comprehend anything. all she knew was that she and satoru were on one of the first trains of the day, the rhythmic hum of the train was soothing, and his arm was around her.

and it felt nice.

when they eventually got off the train, satoru never let go of their hands or his arm around her, steadying her as the walked and walked.

until they finally stopped.

they were in the middle of a street, standing against the flow of people brushing past them on their morning commute. the smell of a kfc just behind them tickled her nose, making her empty stomach grumble in protest.

“satoru, what are we doing here?” she asked, voice heavy with sleepiness.

but he didn’t answer.

in fact, satoru was much too quiet, his grip on her hand acutely missing as he stared straight ahead. she followed his gaze to the bold white and black stripes of a pedestrian crossing a few meters away on the busy road beside them.

her mouth suddenly felt dry.

“it’s a strange thing, isn’t it?” satoru mumbled. “we’re in this plane of existence between innocence and death, and we all just continue on.”

the longer she stared at the crossing, the more she could have sworn she saw deep red splatters flashing on the white, staining the deep black with an unnatural dullness.

she wanted to be sick.

“but that’s all we can do, isn’t it? just move on. try to forget everything when you really just can’t, because there’s nothing you can fucking do to change a thing.”

change – a chemical change.

like when paper burns, or iron turns to old rust, or flesh decays deep down in the earth. things that change and never return to what they once were, no matter how hard you tried. that was just it, really. she was something like a cigarette, set alight and burned for all she was worth, only to be stubbed out on the concrete beneath an unforgiving shoe as soon as the hit was over.

she would never be the same.

who could?

“i’ll never forget suguru,” satoru sighed, like he was resigning himself to his fate. “but that doesn’t mean i don’t want to be free of him.”

be free.

she couldn’t imagine being free of toji.

“satoru,” she said, her voice like a feather floating in the wind. “why did you bring me here?”

“because… to show you that if i can be here, in the one place on earth i never want to be, that starting to let go is possible. that if i can do it, then so can you.”

could she?

could she really be free?

she bit her lip, willed herself not to burst out crying in the middle of a very public street. the music was loud here – quite loud, in fact. and satoro was there in a pristine white shirt, holding a match to her, gently setting her on fire in a beautiful green flame, letting her atoms scatter and roam free wherever they wanted to go.

she nodded slowly.

maybe…

maybe it wasn’t so frightening after all.

| Φ |

“so, how did it go?”

“i just couldn’t fucking do it. i choked up as soon as i heard her voice.”

| Φ |

before she knew it, the summer was already coming to an end.

“maybe i could do my phd, then i’d be able to put ‘doctor’ on all my legal documents. wouldn’t that be cool?”

“seriously? you haven’t had enough of academia yet?”

she and satoru were lounging on his pristine sofa. it was so soft she felt like she was sitting on a cloud, sinking into its fluffy depths, drowning in powdered marshmallows and the crisp scent of fabric freshener. even though the holidays were nearly over, the days were still much too hot to venture outside into – a fierce heat that made her feel like a piece of fish sizzling on a frying pan. instead, they would pig out and binge television shows in the cool comfort of the air conditioning, some the peak of entertainment that would spark passionate discussions.

others not so much.

“ok, this is fuckin stupid,” satoru muttered, prickly annoyance lacing his words like cactus spines. “i’m changing this shit.”

she only hummed, absentmindedly scrolling through her social media feed. it had been far too long for her to try and remember the last time she had been on any kind of social app, but there wasn’t much else to do during the day, and the mood had just struck her to see what sorts of things people she barely knew were up to.

it was pretty much what she expected.

a seemingly endless stream of aesthetic travel and lifestyle photos, silly poses with overly wide smiles. the occasional engagement announcement, compilations of sappy wedding posts, and even the odd pregnancy reveal. how funny it was to watch everyone’s lives moving on through pixels on a screen.

until it decidedly wasn’t.

her thumb froze mid-swipe.

oh.

“oh my god.”

satoru tilted his head towards her, his eyes still fixed on the tv screen. “what?”

it was really him.

toji.

there was no mistake about it. he was standing there with his knuckles wrapped in white bandages, his chest bare and glistening with a thin sheen of sweat, a minuscule smile tugging at his lips as he posed beside shiu kong. the backdrop was clearly a gym – the mirrors behind them reflecting a sleek array of expensive looking equipment.

hard work pays off! for a limited time only, fushiguro is offering a special discount for new clients 💪 dm us to get booked in with the man himself!

she couldn’t breath.

she stared so hard at the photo that her vision blurred, her chest tightening like a snake had coiled itself around her, squeezing for all it was worth. like toji could see her through the screen and was laughing at her and how crippled she was by such a small thing. this had to be a joke. some sick, cosmic joke that the angel’s were snickering about as they dipped their quills back into their ink pots. her pulse thrummed in her ears, blocking out the world and the music and everything.

until it was just her and her phone and that damn photo.

she hated how the first thought she had was how much she missed him.

and how unfairly attractive he still looked.

upon clicking on shiu’s account, she scrolled through post after post documenting the journey of the gym’s grand opening. it was clear that bucketloads of blood and sweat that had gone into the place, with plenty of videos showing the two of them actively contributing to build it. she didn’t need to be an expert to tell that it was a great place to go, and her chest constricted again.

so, he actually did it.

he went and did what he said he was going to do.

and i’m still here.

“hey, what’s up? you get another weird silent call?”

she flinched.

satoru’s voice yanked her back into the present, a curious lilt in his question. his baby blues were fixed on her, the tv remote in his hand swinging lazily back and forth in his hand as he fiddled with it.

she bit her lip, shutting her screen off with a sharp click.

“oh, it’s nothing.”

why didn’t she want to admit it?

oh right, she was supposed to be moving on from all this.

“uh-huh,” satoru deadpanned, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. “what were you looking at?”

there really was no hiding anything from him, was there?

with an exasperated sigh, she unlocked her phone and flipped it over for him to see. satoru squinted at the screen, plucking her phone from her hands for a closer look. a white brow arched in what seemed like a mixture of disgust and recognition as he zoomed in, the sofa creaking softly beneath him as he leaned back into the cushions with a huff.

“well,” he quipped, a strange edge to his voice as he handed back her phone. ���you know he’s alive.”

she didn’t say anything, her hands trembling as she set her phone down on the coffee table, farther away than it needed to be, as if it had stung her.

it had.

satoru sighed, and asked much more gently this time, “do you want to talk about it?”

“what’s there to talk about?” she replied far too quickly, the words tasting too much like bile.

the silence stretched on.

somewhere far below, a car honked aggressively, the sound faint and barely audible this high up from the hustle and bustle of tokyo. the beginnings of trailers and clips from shows began to play in the background, but neither of them seemed to be paying attention to it.

“if you ever saw him again, wha–”

“satoru. i don’t want to play that game.”

“it’s not a game if it’s a genuine question.”

“i–fuck! i don’t even know.”

“c’mon, you must have thought about it before.”

she groaned exasperatedly. “satoru.”

“what?”

“can we not talk about this?”

“no, we’re gonna talk about it. what if we bump into him while you’re here?”

“ugh, i just… wouldn’t say anything i guess.”

“seriously?”

“well, what more do you want?”

“you’d have absolutely nothing to say to the guy? you wouldn’t fucking scream at him, hit him? something?”

“no, and why should i? he’s the one that left me, and he doesn’t deserve even one word. he’s clearly moved on, and so am i.”

“right, because you totally looked over it just there.”

her jaw tightened, and she scowled at him.

“fuck off.”

it was quiet for a heartbeat until, “that’s what i would say for a start,” satoru snorted.

she rolled her eyes, rubbed them wearily, and let out a half-hearted laugh. “shut up.”

“that works too if he decides to speak, and then i’d swoop in and deck the guy.”

“are you sure you wanna do that?”

“excuse me, are you implying i couldn’t take him?”

“you definitely couldn’t.”

“uh, yes i could. quite easily, actually.”

he flexed his bicep, tilting his head and nodding approvingly at the taut muscle. she barked out a laugh, despite the churning feeling twisting her stomach with acid.

what would she actually say?

fuck you for leaving me.

what was the point of it all?

you could have at least said goodbye to me. i know i messed up, but i didn’t deserve what you did to me.

or maybe she would she just turn around and run away, just like he had? it was so easy to imagine that she would be brave enough to stand her ground and give him a piece of her mind. but she didn’t think she would. she would always be doomed to dig her roots deeper into the ground, hold her tongue, and silently defend herself against the battering storm.

“let’s not think about that anymore, yeah?” satoru attempted encouragingly, giving her foot a teasing nudge. “out of sight, out of mind, am i right?”

she smiled tightly. “right.”

right?

| Φ |

“you still mean to go through with your plan?”

“yeah. i don’t even know if she’ll be there, but i have to start somewhere, and… i don’t know. it feels like the right place.”

| Φ |

before she knew it, it was the start of winter.

that familiar crisp cold air was settling on her nose and tongue, jolting her tired bones into feeling just a little more alive. it wasn’t snowing, not yet, but it certainly wasn’t far behind. she tucked her hands into the crooks of her elbows, quietly chided herself for forgetting her gloves at home.

as per usual, she was on her way to the cafe.

she had been working a lot more than usual lately. satoru’s final year was significantly busier than his previous years, so he hadn’t been working as much, leaving her and her other colleague’s to bear the brunt of the busy end-of-year season. not that she minded, her brain had been quite preoccupied lately, and actual work was a better distraction than her studies.

she didn’t really understand what or why she was feeling so strange.

it was almost like something bigger than herself. the anticipation of the drop before leaping off a diving board, or the creeping dread that something was coming for you. that things were about to change too quickly for her to even try and keep up.

she hoped it was just all in her head.

the cafe was just around the corner now, its familiar sign flickering and wonderfully colourful against the grey clouds that hung darkly over the afternoon like an omen. she quickened her pace, boots crunching loudly against the pavement, already imagining the comforting blast of warmth that would envelope her as soon as she stepped inside. the windows were fogged over, but she could still make out the warm glow of the lamps and the outline of customers hunched over their drinks.

the doorbell chimed as she walked in, the strong scent of cinnamon swirling through up her nose like an old friend’s greeting. it was predictable and grounding, and the unease that had been chasing her for weeks was left outside to freeze in the cold.

until she walked outside again.

but that was a problem for after her shift.

“oh, thank god you're here!" her manager exclaimed, dashing past her as she shrugged off her coat, a tray of teacups balanced precariously with one hand. "can you handle the to-go's?”

from that moment on, for the next hour, she was thrown into a frazzled mess of oat milk and sickly sweet caramel syrup. her apron was stained within ten minutes, and she kept apologizing profusely for any sort of delay, even if they had only been waiting for a minute or two, or whenever she brushed against a customer's hand with her sticky syrup fingers to return their change.

it was chaos, to say the least.

she felt like a machine on autopilot, firing through order after order, hardly paying attention to anything but the job at hand.

the bell chimed – again.

she tapped the side of the cinnamon shaker against a styrofoam cup, a blinding ray of unexpected sunlight slanting through the windows. the world was suddenly skewed, an equation of pure molten gold weaving together this plane of existence for just one precious moment.

a cup clattered loudly.

huh, the sun must have come out.

a shadow fell across the counter, long and somewhat familiar.

“oh, sorry for the wait! what can–”

she looked up, the words dying painfully in her throat like shards of shattering glass.

and there he was.

the boy with dark hair standing there with his hands in his pockets, just like he used to.

it all felt so frighteningly familiar, like she'd been here before in another lifetime. she would have believed it too, because the moment stretched infinitely, impossibly, dragging on and on. it was him and his green eyes and that perfect golden scar on his lip that warped the world according to his own laws of gravity and time. she'd once traced that scar with her fingers, had once loved it, and brought forth a teardrop of blood from it.

her breath hitched.

the music was frighteningly loud now, as though the angels had been waiting for their beautiful muse to come back to them after all this time. it curled in the space between them, across the counter, beckoning their fingers to reach out and touch each other again.

toji.

she didn't say his name, couldn't. it looped in her mind like the numbers and greek letters she'd pondered over for years, never quite able to solve – maybe not even wanting to. if she did, he might just disappear altogether again. even if a part of her wanted him to, it was unbelievably sickening how her body and soul craved the sight of him.

her fingers twitched uncomfortably.

you can't be real.

no, you're not. none of this is real.

he was equal parts familiar and foreign. his mop of black hair just a touch longer than she remembered it to be, but still in that same messy style that was his. but what struck her the most were his clothes. they weren’t faded or worn, no random holes poking through anywhere. they were all clean and ironed, with a well- structured black coat over it all that looked like had just bought it from a shop and put it on.

he wasn't the same, no. that much was obvious.

but it's still you.

the cinnamon shaker slipped from her fingers, clattering onto the counter, its echo piercing through the void.

she gasped, “oh, s-sorry!”

and then he finally spoke. “s'alright.”

oh, toji.

his voice was rougher, deeper, yet even quieter than it used to be. it struck her chest like a hammer, reverberating throughout her hollowed bones and down the long hallway where the angels scribbled on their scrolls. he was staring at her like he was trying to solve her too, trying to decipher how she was really feeling on the inside.

she hated it.

hated how he was in a position that meant he knew her, even a little bit. hated that he knew everything, and would know that slight change in her face when she was about to smile or about to cry. hated how it took just about everything she had not to run away.

but most of all, she hated how she wanted nothing more than to just go to him.

to reach across the counter and pull him into her. to say how sorry she was and how much she had missed him, even beg him not to leave again.

i don’t want to love you anymore.

i wish, i wish, i wish i never did.

“i didn't think you would still be here,” he admitted, a tone of surprise in his words.

she felt a flash of annoyance.

how dare he acknowledge that she was still in the same place? it was embarrassing – shameful – that he had been able to go off and do what he said he was going to do, and she hadn't. that she was left behind in the dust of everyone else who had moved on.

“i'm doing my masters,” she replied flatly.

toji’s face fell a little at her tone, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “that's great! really. you were always smart. not that you aren't now, obviously.”

she only stared blankly at him. “would you like to order something?”

toji hesitated, his chapped lips parting, but then the doorbell chimed behind him, loud and jarring.

“hey! it's absolutely freezing outside, isn’t it?” satoru's unmistakable drawl lashed through the air like a whip, larger than life.

her head whipped towards him, an immediate wave of relief washing over her before it was replaced by cold, hard dread. toji turned slightly, glancing at the boy with starlight hair who had strolled in like he owned the place. satoru's easy grin landed on her, dazzling her in his red.

until he noticed who was standing in front of her.

his eyes turned to ice, narrowing into daggers like he was ready to slice toji up into pieces. then, deliberately slow, satoru strutted over, plonking himself behind the counter right beside her, casually leaning forward as if he had all the time in the world.

“you need something?” satoru asked dangerously, his words dipped in a deep purple.

toji looked between the two of them, and something in those green eyes of his made her feel uneasy, even a dash of unwarranted guilt. his fists were tight, fingernails digging his palm so hard it made her own hands hurt. without saying another word, he swiveled on his heels and walked back out the door, disappearing into the afternoon that had gone grey again.

“nice meeting you!” satoru called out after him, a heavy hand resting on her shoulder.

but toji was already long gone.

| Φ l

satoru didn’t want to leave her alone.

“he doesn’t know where i live,” she’d hissed as they walked back to her studio together, a brooding hulk of a guard dog beside her. “satoru! you’re acting like a lunatic.”

“shut up, will you?” he snapped, his eyes darting suspiciously at every person who passing by. “he knows where you work.”

“i think that was just a random chance,” she mumbled quietly, her breath coming out in small, hot puffs, not sure why she was even defending toji at all.

but satoru had just ignored her, ushering her through the door of her building like the boy in question was right behind them, shutting it with a particularly loud slam! she almost felt like she was in trouble for something, even though rationally she knew that absolutely none of this was her fault.

she had just never seen satoru so unbelievably angry.

after firmly making sure she had eaten something wholesome, and after much convincing on her part that she definitely wasn’t planning to leave her apartment for the night, satoru finally left her alone. not before giving her a long, hard look that made it clear that if she needed him, she was to call him immediately.

she might have been touched by it if she wasn’t so utterly consumed by thoughts of toji.

why had he come? why now?

why, why, why?

endless questions swirled around her brain, circling like a goldfish swimming around a perfectly clear crystal bowl. she lay there on her bed, the only light coming from a flickering streetlight outside. sleep was completely out of the question for tonight, so she counted the seconds between each rhythmic flicker of light, trying pathetically to distract herself from it all.

just when she might have been able to slip into the darkness of a dreamless sleep, her phone lit up beside her.

buzz! buzz!

she frowned, not recognizing the unfamiliar number.

“hello?”

“hey, uh- it’s me.”

her heart stopped, then stuttered back to life. she sat upright, gripping her phone tighter.

“sorry, you weren’t asleep were you?” toji continued, his tone slightly sheepish.

she blinked. “no.”

“oh, great!” he cleared his throat. “i didn’t think you’d pick up.”

“it’s late.”

there was a pause. “right, yeah. well, i just… i wanted to call you for a while now, but i don’t know. it just didn’t feel right to talk to you over the phone.”

she waited with bated breath.

“about what?”

she knew exactly what.

“i just wanted to say that i’m sorry.”

of course she knew – in the same way that the universe might have known the big bang was coming. that existence was on the brink of becoming itself after an explosion, stretching and rippling outward like a drop of water in an infinite ocean.

there was another pause, followed by a deep breath. “i don’t expect calling you to fix everything that i did, but i wanted to start by telling you that i’m so sorry for everything.”

did the universe know it was going to hurt this much?

“i'm so sorry,” he continued in a fragile whisper. “for the way i ran away and left you like that. and i'm sorry for being such a coward.”

maybe it had been okay with it. that’s just how something grows, isn’t it? a sudden explosion of growing pains to become something better, newer.

“you didn't deserve it.”

but the universe was born silently when it exploded into existence – a voiceless scream as creation erupted into being. she wondered how long it had been quiet for after it was all over.

“you still there?”

“yeah.”

she wondered if she would be silent too.

“well i-uh, i know that you've probably moved on from all this, but i just wanted to try and make things right.”

“mhm.”

he coughed, and cleared his throat. “you know, i went to therapy.”

“you did?”

“yeah. it was… kinda forced on me at the beginning, but i knew that i needed it to start fixing myself. i learned a lot about myself, and about why i did what i did. and i know that i definitely didn’t deserve you back then, but that i also didn't deserve to come back you if i was still the same.”

“and do you think you're... fixed now?”

“yeah, i’m just trying to be better.”

the light outside flickered again. one, two...

“you know... there's nothing you can say that'll make me forget what you did.”

three.

a sharp inhale, followed by a rough, “i know.”

“and you can’t just expect to walk back into my life like nothing happened.”

“i know.”

she turned over, burying her face in her pillow, the phone pressed against her ear.

“but that's not why i called you,” toji murmured. “i’m not trying to get you to forget what happened, because i can't either. but i’ve changed, and i just want to try and make things a little better, and to maybe be... friends, at least.”

“you want to be friends now?”

he paused for a long time.

“if you'd be okay with that, then yeah.”

“look, toji, i- i don't know.”

“i’d understand if you don't want to, believe me. and if you never want to hear or see me again then i’d get that too. and its selfish of me to even ask you this in the first place, but i have to try and keep you in my life because i still need you.”

holy good god.

“and i think about you all the time, every single day for the past two years, because you're it for me. you’re my person, and even if you don't want the same as me, then that's okay. i’d rather have you as a friend than nothing at all.”

what was she even supposed to say to that?

“and even as a friend, i promise not to leave like that again.”

“but what if i don’t want you as a friend? what if i don’t want you as anything to me anymore?”

“then i’ll leave.”

even the angels had stopped writing, their quills frozen mid-number as they peered over their desks, watching the two little humans they had tangled together in a messy scrawl of numbers and letters.

“say something,” toji said, a sad desperation in his voice. “please.”

“you hurt me, toji. do you know how much i hated you for that?”

“believe me, its not more than how much i hated myself for doing it.”

don't say it, don't say it, don't say it.

don’t you dare.

“okay,” she whispered.

“okay?”

her mind buzzed with thoughts and the consequences of allowing toji fushiguro back into her life. she thought of satoru, and how angry he would be, and how her brain screamed with all the words she wanted to hurl at toji about the true extent of how much he had hurt her.

but that didn’t matter, not yet.

not when he was here and promising to stay – to stay and be there for her, to listen to everything she had to say.

there was time for all of that.

and perhaps it was time to be born anew in a different universe.

“yeah, okay, but i can’t just be around you like that again. it doesn’t work that way, and i need time to get used to… you.”

toji’s voice sounded more hopeful, more positive, like the sun had broken through the clouds and was shining down on him again. “y-yeah, i get that! i’ll wait! however long it takes, i’ll wait.”

“okay,” she said quietly, almost as if reassuring herself.

“well it’s-uh late, i guess,” he said, a shaky cheerfulness in his voice that made the ghost of a smile play on her lips. “goodnight, and maybe call you tomorrow?”

“goodnight, toji.”

the line went quiet.

fuck.

but her mind certainly didn’t.

| Φ |

“it really brings me so much joy to have been able to help you, toji.”

“haha, thanks, but god, i just had so much more to say to her, ya know? but i think there’s still a chance, and i have you to thank for it.”

| Φ |

having toji fushiguro back in her life didn’t seem real.

it was slow and awkward, like dipping her toe into the cold sea again after having forgotten what it felt like. of course, he couldn’t stay in town for too long. tokyo and his work were calling him back, and she understood. so, they mainly kept in touch through texting, which was basically an all day affair. every spare moment they had, whether it was in between her making a cup of coffee, during study breaks, or toji in between training sessions. it would be a lie to say she wasn’t clinging tightly to every text, or that her heart didn’t leap every time her phone buzzed.

but it was also easy.

something she could nestle into, like a gentle wind beneath a bird’s wings.

sometime during the quiet nights of spring, they began calling each other to fill the silence.

“hey,” toji would greet, a bashful shyness in his voice, and she could tell that he was smiling.

she’d bite her lip to keep her own smile from forming. “hi.”

he’d ask her about her day, and all about what she was doing – every little mundane detail, as if toji was trying to collect all the parts of her that he’d missed. she told him about about her course, what she had been up to, and even about the summer she spent with satoru. he’d even ask her to remind him of some of the theories and laws she had told him about all those years ago, and she couldn’t tell if it was because he wanted to genuinely learn them again or if he just wanted to keep her on the phone longer.

she asked him about his life too. she learned that it was only a month after he arrived in tokyo that toji bumped into shiu kong in a random pachinko parlor. they had gotten talking, and before toji could count to three, shiu was already drawing up business plans for their doja on the back of a napkin. it was perfect, really. toji had the physical experience, and shiu had the connections – and, most importantly, the money.

“you know, i don’t think i’ll ever get used to just having money like this,” toji admitted, and she wanted to cry.

one day, after clearly skirting around the topic for some time, toji finally asked her, “so, uh, is satoru your…” he smacked his lips together. “boyfriend?”

“pft! no.”

his relief had been quite palpable.

“what about you?” she returned, chewing the inside of her cheek and tasting acrid metal. “have you been seeing anybody in tokyo?”

“no,” toji replied gently, like it was so silly she even asked in the first place. “not one.”

she knew her pathetic relief was most definitely palpable.

although, it wasn’t always so easy.

more often than not, just when they thought they had slipped into a sense of familiarity, the harsh reminders of the past came knocking. both of them would test the waters, perhaps asking a question that was too deep, too painful – usually about how they had coped in those early days of being apart.

it was just too hard for either of them to hear the answers. toji didn’t exactly enjoy hearing just how much she had hated him, or how utterly crippled she was for the first couple of months after he left. she could tell that it tore him up on the inside, and a part of her liked it. he deserved to feel every ounce of guilt he was capable of, and then some.

“you want to know what it felt like for me, do you?” she hissed, so much venom gushing from her bite that it even surprised her. “well, i’ll fucking tell you then.”

and she did, in great detail.

toji would snap back too, it was only human of him to.

“what, you think i had an easy time trying to fix myself?” he’d say, his voice quaking and breaking apart her resolve. “i didn’t. i was fucking miserable all the fucking time, and everytime i looked in the mirror i had my scar reminding me of my biggest fuck-up to date.”

those conversations usually ended up with her abruptly hanging up the phone and crying herself to sleep.

but she would always wake up to a message from toji, and they were always so incredibly gentle. he’d tell her how he just wanted them both to shed the weight of all their pain off their shoulders, and for her not to worry about how he felt heari all those things. that he could take it all – the pain, everything.

and that he still wasnt going anywhere.

it really struck her in those moments just how much he had changed.

still, there was something holding her back from falling back into him again.

and she wasn’t sure if it was because of satoru, who was less than impressed by it all.

“he called you, didn’t he?” he asked the day after toji called the first time, twirling a sugar packet between his fingers like he didn’t care what her answer was.

she gave him a look, saying nothing, and licked her dry lips.

he let out a long sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. “so…what? are you two back together now?”

“no,” she admitted quietly, feeling like a child about to be scolded. “but i’ve given him a chance.”

satoru’s eyes flashed a bright cerulean, like a star burning the brightest blue it ever could, before his gaze hardened.

finally, he grunted, “i get it.”

she almost spilled the latte she had been preparing.

he quirked a brow at her incredulous look and muttered, “i can’t sit here and pretend i wouldn’t do the same for suguru if i was able to.”

but before her smile could look too relieved, satoru added rather sharply, “but that doesn’t mean i like this.”

and that was that.

he never once asked how they were getting on or what they talked about. whenever her phone buzzed with a notification, he stared at it like he wanted to burn holes into it, but he said nothing – only a tight grimace appeared on his face, and that told her exactly how he felt about toji fushiguro.

and now, it was the end of her very last semester in the world of academics.

it was really dawning on her this time that her goodbyes would be final. that these last couple of months would be her last at the cafe and at the studio apartment she had eventually learned to love. on satoru’s insistence, she had decided to move on and get a proper job after graduating. he had told her he knew some contacts in tokyo who could hook them both up with decent jobs within the industry, and who was she to say no to that?

besides, it was nice to know that she wouldn’t be alone in this big, bad world.

she slipped through the door of the cafe, wiping the damp from her shoes on the entrance mat. there weren’t many students in studying at this time, the busier hours actually came later, at the start of the all-nighters. the students must have all heard that it was a quiet cafe at night, and now everyone came at the same time. the smell of sweet, buttery pastries made her tummy grumble, and she put a hand over her abdomen, as if that would quiet it down.

it did, because sitting right at the booth by the counter, was toji.

with satoru.

both their expressions were unreadable, but toji was hunched forward, nodding solemnly to whatever it was satoru was saying. her best friend had a towel draped over his taut shoulder, his starlight hair a mess, like he’d run his fingers through it one too many times.

she hesitated at the door.

what is going on?

satoru noticed her first, and his sentence trailed off like fading music. his gaze held hers firmly, fiercely. she felt that if she looked away, the world would crumble beneath her feet, and she would surely die. then, toji turned too, and the wind was knocked right out of her.

the cafe suddenly felt too small, not nearly big enough for all three of them and the weight of their pasts. satoru moved first, beckoning her over with his hand. her feet moved of their own accord, like she was a piece of metal drawn towards a magnet, helpless in trying to resist his pull.

“well,” satoru said lightly, placing the towel onto the counter. “i was just leaving.”

her throat tightened. “satoru.”

she didn’t know why the thought of being alone with toji felt more terrifying than being with both of them together, but it did. but the look that he gave her stopped her cold. it wasn’t harsh, not in the slightest, but it was mesmerizing – a thousand and one blue stars were exploding in his eyes. it made her heart hurt, her head swim with all the colors that made satoru gojo who he was. and then the stars softened into something warm and comforting, and she knew he was trying to tell her something without words.

he glanced at toji.

then back to her, giving her a barely perceptible nod.

it’s okay.

you can trust him.

she huffed a breath, the relief hitting her all at once. satoru turned back to toji, giving him a brief nod, and then he was out of the door.

a folded sheet of paper lay in front of toji, his large hand placed over it like he was afraid it might flutter away. she stood behind the counter now, a shy smile tugging at her lips as she tied her apron.

“i wanted to give this back to you,” toji said before she could say anything, a dusting of pretty pink on his cheeks as he slid the paper towards her. “i’m sorry for ripping your book.”

she unfolded the familiar paper, noting how the creases were soft and a little worn, and skimmed over the words.

oh my.

it was the page satoru had told her was missing from her book, the one about the theory of relativity, and right there in the corner was the equation for quantum entanglement written in blue ink.

“you once told me that when two particles belong together, they’ll always be connected no matter the distance between them. i’ve never forgotten it, not once this whole time.”

and then his hand was over hers, and the world and her heart was on fire.

“you still believe it?” she asked, her voice trembling, as she stared down at his thumb brushing her knuckles with a tenderness she had forgotten.

“yeah, because everything that i do, and everything that i am, is you.”

she didn’t know what toji fushiguro and satoru gojo had said to each other that day.

and perhaps she never would.

but as she poured toji a fresh batch of green tea into a big mug the way she used to, it didn’t really matter at all, did it?

| Φ |

“take care now, and i wish you all the best.”

“goodbye! and really, thankyou. for everything.”

| Φ |

today was a profoundly bittersweet occasion.

“satoru! i can’t believe this is actually happening.”

“well, you might want to start soon.”

it was her graduation day.

again.

there was some parts of it that felt unnervingly familiar, setting her teeth a slightly on edge at the reminders of the past. her kimono was laid neatly on her bed, exactly as it had been the first time. she was sat cross-legged in front of a mirror doing her makeup exactly the same way as she had on that fateful day.

but this time, it already felt better than it did the last time.

she wasn’t paralyzed with worry over the disappearance of a certain dark haired boy. she wasn’t sitting here working herself into a nervous fit over her future. no, she was here, in a new home with her best friend in the whole world. the one who had held her chin and tilted her head for her to look back up towards the stars. the one who had helped steady her shaking bones, his arms around her as he had called back the scattered atoms of her broken soul.

she looked at him fondly, far too fondly, and her angel of the stars looked back at her, alarmingly perplexed, his cheeks flushed in a bright strawberry red. “what?” he mumbled shyly.

he only got a giggle from her, her knees bouncing off the floor with a rush of excitement. she grinned as she she delicately swiped her mascara over her lashes, and satoru shook his head in confusion. he sat down carefully at the edge of her bed, smoothing out any little folds that had formed in her kimono. it was satoru’s graduation gift to her, actually – the kimono. they had picked out the fabric together, spending hours hiking through ridiculously expensive textiles that she insisted was too much, before settling on a luxuriously silky material with green and blue sakura flowers fluttering down the length of the fabric.

“you should have a piece of me on that stage,” he’d said, pointing to the blue petals, then to the green. “and i guess he deserves to be there too.”

it was then easy for her to decide that satoru gojo must be an angel.

she glanced at him again. “are you going to go and get ready, or what?”

“oh, psht! that wont take me long, don’t worry.”

he was currently in a plain black t-shirt and jeans, hair extra fluffy and untamable, and looked absolutely nowhere near ready to attend a graduation ceremony in less than an hour and a half.

“you better not, or i’ll actually kill you.”

satoru only rolled his eyes at that. “yeah yeah, sure. so you can give toji my ticket? no chance.”

while there had been a fragile peace between the two, and satoru didn’t grimace everytime she mentioned toji, he certainly still wasn’t as fond of the dark haired boy as she would have liked by this point.

“speaking of,” satoru continued with an air of nonchalance. “what is the guy doing today without a ticket?”

it had already been decided some time ago that satoru would be the one to have the spare ticket to her graduation. by the time toji had started getting closer to her, it had been too late to change it, and maybe it was also the faint lingering trauma from what had happened at the last one. she was hesitant to give it to him, and it would be a lie to say that toji wasnt disappointed.

though he had tried his best to hide it, she could see right through him.

“oh, he said he would try and sneak in the back to watch. if not, i’ll just meet him at the cafe later tonight.”

her best friend only hummed, watching with fascinated interested, his head tilted as she put her makeup on.

“sneaking in, huh? doesn’t really seem like his style.”

she shrugged her shoulders, blending an extra touch of concealer with her fingers. “he really wants to try and be there for me this time, you know?”

“as he should. i was sorta worried about you both for a while.”

“huh, you? worried about toji?”

“yeah, you’re right. it’s more of a very bland interest.”

she gave him a hard look.

“okay, okay! honestly though, i felt like the only thing stopping him from really getting to you was me. and that after we had that conversation, he would just dive straight back into what you guys had without a second thought.”

she glanced at satoru through the mirror. “well, neither of you want to tell me what you said to each other.”

“mind your business!”

“pft!”

“anyways, i guess it was more that i was worried about something happening and it tearing you apart again. i can’t watch that happen, not after you’ve just put yourself back together.”

satoru sighed, his knee bouncing rapidly. “and, well… i suppose i can only really ask you about how it's going.”

her hands suddenly felt stiff, and she set down her brush. “it’s not… easy, sometimes. we’ve talked about everything that happened, and its painful, but it also just feels good. there’s a part of me that feels more stitched together than i did before. we’re not perfect yet, but we’re both trying, and it’s nice.”

she added more softly. “we laugh more than we used to. a lot now, actually.”

the blue nebula in his eyes sparkled. “yeah?”

“haha, yeah.”

satoru hummed thoughtfully, “you really think its different this time?”

“yeah, i do, satoru.”

“you know, i’ve never told you this, but you say my name the way suguru used to.”

a shaky, lopsided smile played on her lips, her eyes glossing over. “he must have really loved you then.”

satoru’s pearly lashes fluttered, as if he was startled by the weight of her words, and another bashful blush spread across his cheeks, his lips forming a glossy pout.

“like i do,” she added, more teasingly this time. “in case that wasnt obvious enough already.”

“right, okay,” satoru huffed, rubbing the back of his neck as he turned his head away from her. “don’t get all mushy on me now, miss graduate.”

he got up and patted down his jeans, his fingers slipping into his left pocket to feel for his invitation. “i guess i’ll see you after it’s over.”

she squealed excitedly. “okay! see you later!”

| Φ |

the air outside the auditorium was positively electric.

huh, i must have missed out on this feeling the last time.

there were plenty of nervous, jittery smiles and hand shakes as the waiting room buzzed with static energy. she mingled briefly with some of her classmates, musing with them at how far they had come and all the challenges they had overcome. some of them even talked about what their plans were for the future, a few jaws dropping when she quietly admitted where she would be working in tokyo. soon enough, they were all being ushered in to take their seats on the stage.

the reality of the moment was really sinking in as she took her seat. as she smoothed out her kimono, her eyes scanned the seemingly endless rows, which were filling fast with family members and close friends.

she frowned.

satoru’s unmistakable starlight hair was nowhere to be seen.

he must be running late. hopefully he gets here before it starts.

the lights dimmed, and the doors at the back of the auditorium shut with a decisive thud.

i’m really going to kill him.

her heart panged with disappointment.

and then she saw him.

toji fushiguro.

the boy with dark hair who used to never have much to say, and was perfectly happy with not being liked by anybody – except her. the boy with forests in his eyes and a scar on his lip that he didn’t let anybody touch – except her.

the one who hadn’t been there the last time and almost seemed out of place now.

but he was here – for her.

because she was the unexpected variable, the singular exception that had been thrown into his routine equation just to shake the foundations of his existence. and maybe there would be other inexplicable formulas – there probably would – but that didn’t matter. she knew the angels had entangled them together, and there was nothing more to do or say about it. because no matter what had happened, or what would happen, they belonged to each other.

there was a constant pull for each other souls through the broken skin of a golden scar.

satoru must have given him his ticket.

toji was grinning at her, so proud and perfect, standing up and clapping for her like she was the only person in the room as she accepted her certificate.

the music of the angels played on in her mind, bright and clear, for one last time.

and her equation was finally solved.

| Φ |

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