#kinda stand by what i said though | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cosmogyros · 4 months ago

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modern music sucks, people need to sing worse and write better songs

#disclaimer: this post is FULLY tongue in cheek :P #please do not come for me #kinda stand by what i said though #i want people who sound like janis joplin and bob dylan #(both of whom IMHO are BRILLIANT singers btw)#(my phrasing in the post is a bit of a dig at people who don't agree with that)#and ffs i just read a modern-song lyric that was the most unoriginal disjointed BS you can imagine #i'm not going to point fingers bc i don't want to shit on anybody's fave music #but my god. it's a struggle out here folks.#cosmo gyres #do not rb plsssssssss #text #musicblogging

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roots-symphony · 11 days ago

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do you think the reason agatha’s trial felt weird is because she was the only one who did not actually buy into the mythos of the road since she knew the truth? like that was why no perspective change and all the other reasons why people thought it was a fake trial

#agatha all along #aaa spoilers #txt #i really liked the idea behind how the witches road came to be #like showing her and nicky coming up with the lyrics and everything #but i felt like there was a lot of these last two episodes that felt weird or jarring #i think that’s partly the fault of it being such a short run time for the whole show in general (tbh that’s probably like most of it)#but there were just also weird choices? idk #like jen’s big declaration about protecting them in honor of Lilia or w.e and then just.. flying off to nowhere??#or the way Both billy and agatha kept switching how they felt about each other with like every sentence #I did really like her thing where she helped him get tommy a body though #and her and rios vibes were off too. like it felt like there should have been a little more build up before they fought after the road?#like when they were still talking on the road it felt like they could have done more with it #just like jen getting her powers back could have been more #or billy standing up for agatha could have been more #billy’s homecoming and attempting to banish agatha too #I liked that his parents were there but it was so quick and then he just.. leaves again?? no problem?? and I guess they’re fine with it now #like it felt like the things they did well. they did really well #while everything else felt.. idk.. kinda flat?#which honestly was the same feeling I had after watching agatha’s trial episode #honestly this show need at least another 3 or 4 episodes if not more #and I know people are going to make this all about agatha and rio but i really don’t think that’s the issue #i do think the story could have benefited more from showing more of their actual backstory or a few more interactions with them or just #like i said earlier done more with what they had. again that scene on the road before rio dips could have been used way more effectively #and I don’t mean in like having them be soft or lovey like I know a lot of people wanted (never be against that) but I don’t think it was #needed.. but Something was??#i feel like overall what everyone went through on the road didn’t actually truly effect them or change them?#like jen left. agatha and rio were like back to liek the road never happened. everyone else but billy is dead #i think the only person who was truly changed was maybe billy?#which makes the whole journey feel so unsatisfying? like things could still have ended the same while still showing them changed? idk

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angelfrogs · 3 months ago

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HELLO??????? Hello???? Seeing octopus as the first listed made my heart fucking drop. Like I know if Yoshida died off screen then we will almost absolutely get a flashback to that fight (though that might take a little bit depending on how the focus goes) (also I really really really wanna see that fight anyways so PLEASE Fujimoto give us a flash back to that either way please please please) I’m really excited that we’re exploring this aspect of chainsaw man but if the focus shifts too much to the political/population side of things for the next few chapters I’m gonna start tearing at the walls. Show me that fucked up fight.

#chainsaw man spoilers #chainsaw man #octopus devil #yoshida hirofumi #I really do think that we are getting close to Yoshida’s death I will be honest with you #I’m not convinced this was it but I WAS wrong with Nayuta so…#though I feel a lot more solid about my thoughts on Yoshida and his roll in the story #I was kinda intentionally ignoring Nayuta’s #like I stand by everything I’ve said about Yoshida and what I think about his roll and potential demise #Anywayzies this can and might be another post later #read my terrible words

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spifan · 4 months ago

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i might be crazy but this looks like a fun setup lol what if they made a s&f pc skin where everything was s&f

#i said what if all the time and everytime after i finish saying my bullshit i actually do want it for real #i think its funny this screenshot alone already have like 3 different images of the same thing (those two fuckers standing around gay style #spirou et fantasio #s&f #just realized i hardly ever tag my shit with spifan cause its like tagging this blog even though its their ship name #i kinda always just assume people use the s&f tag for s&f (the ship) by default.. but i mean. its kinda true tho...

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the-acid-pear · 6 months ago

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hey do u fw phone guy jack and if so do you have any thoughts on phone guy jack

I loooooove phone jack as a concept unfortunately I haven't managed to build a coherent thought since the summer of '92 but let me try like. I mean he'd be undeniably one of the fucking worst ones hands down. Steven would blush next to how atrocious of a boss phone Jack would be. Because he's a bit of a cunt as it stands but w his brain reprogrammed to focus mainly on the company and forget his previous life? He'd be a turbo cunt. And I don't think he'd even that good at the job either. I do wonder if he'd manage to keep the narrator or not. I'd be funny if he did and the narrator remembered everything but was like, unwilling to tell him? Or maybe he'd tell him and Jack would just ignore it. He's busy half assing his duties to be bothering with past memories you know?

Hell even if he remembered I think it'd be a bit of a Roger moment in the sense that he was already fucking MISERABLE where he was and now he is Someone he's Scott™ and he lost everything already so what's even the point? Here is bad but there is worse.

Maybe I had more thoughts than I accounted for.

#luly talks #asks #decaffeinatedgardenerpersona #sorry if you meant phone jack as in DT jack and I just went on this rant though i do have some vague thoughts about him too #just more vague #i think if jack went out his way even after dying and being revived TWICE and tried to still be a good man is. sad.#like could you imaaaagine the people who knew him trying to be like fym jack get your shit together #phone jack has a certain neutral ending quality to him but ironically it works as a corruption of what thst ending stands for #<- guy who just said he was incapable of forming coherent thoughts #didnt even drink coffee idk where this brain function is coming from but anyway #because the neutral ending is marked by jack doing shit FOR HIMSELF not for dave not for dee not for anyone #so him mirroring this but out of having been kinda lobotomized is soooo twisted ykwim?#NO CONTROL FOR THIS GUYYY‼️‼️‼️#okay i need to eat breakfast now #ALSO TY FOR LETTING ME KNOW BOUT THE DOGMAN QUOTES BLOG wasn't gonna rb that post again so this came in clutch WKDHDKFH

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musicalyikes · 2 months ago

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For the symphony ask game: (1) Favourite symphonic composer

(4) Favourite moment from your favourite symphony

1. to play? gotta be someone like tchaik, on account of I love to listen to his symphonies and also I love to play them. very much a romantic symphony fan (no hate to mozart n beethoven but I simply do not enjoy as much) and also a russian composer fan. wait I change my answer to also include Shostakovich his symphonies slap

4. im a sucker for a finale. sibelius 2, the moment when the brass come in. just after the last mvt starts, coming out of the 3rd. magic.

symphony asks

#did i deliberate and overthink and still think I'm not confident in my answer #yes #stand by what i said though #i should review symphonies #i started a symphony listening project earlier this year but lowkey kinda dropped off when I had to start a new journal

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lilcathsmith · 2 months ago

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Greg in every episode of CSI (139/328) • Post-Mortem •

#csi #greg sanders #catherine willows #sara sidle #gil grissom #nick stokes #warrick brown #there he is! my favourite white boy!#own post #mine: every episode #I have so many thoughts feelings and opinions on this episode #starting with it bugs me when nick and warrick are talking and warrick says “did it never occur to greg to just reverse and get out...#... of the alley?“ as if him or nick wouldnt have done the EXACT same thing? no way would they have just sat there and watched that gang...#... beat up some innocent guy? no way.#other thing that bothers me in that last scene where the brother is in the car WHY IS GREG JUST STANDING THERE FKN MOVE MAN OMGG #and everything else is just sad :(( the scene with Greg and Sofia is just heartbreaking “I just want to be able to sleep again”...#like please stab me that would be less painful I swear #and when Grissom tells him he did a good job his sigh of relief like god man it hurts #i take back what I said about showing him in a “dark place” like he says in the reboot I dont think I'd watch s7 if they had done that...#... it still would have been good though #oh AND the scene where the judge asks him about the wine.... theres something about the way Greg answers idk is kinda hot?? just the way...#... he shuts everyone down like “Alcohol wasnt a factor bc how much I had and the rate the wine would burn off I had nothing in me after...#... an hour and a half let alone when I ran the guy over 😎👉#Greg Sanders making science sexy since 2006 😌

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elegyofthemoon · 7 months ago

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reading springfest now after everything in nagazora is making me crave more fu hua and mei interactions. i feel like thus far in my go through, i've never actually seen them interact, but it's kinda fun that the person who made the recommended reading order put springfest after nagazora (though of course this is probably in preparation for whatevers going on with senti/fu hua rn in ch 19)

but the way that the empyrea isolates herself so she doesn't have any attachment to those who she will outlive and how she winds up becoming lonely as a result threw me back to mei isolating herself in world serpent so that she can protect kiana and just... idk..... i think the two talk about that isolation would be interesting

also. i love fu hua. she's still at the top of my list for best character so i'm just a happy little guy getting more fu hua content now in the story :> yippee fu hua

#idk who to ramble to about honkai so hi #avil plays hi3 #ill probably liveblog my thoughts as i read through springfest and UH #blade of the empyrean!#but im excited :> then after that i gotta go through the 7 blades visual novel ^7^ that one has sushang!! i havent met her in the game yet #but i do have her !!!#its kinda interesting though because sushangs ultimate in hi3 is yanqing's ultimate in hsr. or i guess yanqing as a boss???#idk. so im like HMMMMMMMM WHATS UP THERE WHATS GOING ON #i wonder if theres a character sorter for hi3 actually #if i had to say who my top 5 are atm for honkai #its probably like fu hua mei kiana kevin and sakura ???#kiana is so easy. like if i loved oz vessalius how could i NOT love kiana we sure love vessel characters LJSHDFLASKDHFLAKSH #maybe its also recency effect though for mei but also. characters who isolate thinking that its the best htey could do to protect #like NO YOU IDIOT GET LOVED!!!!! GET L O V E D #they kinda get me #AND WELT I FORGOT WELT HOW COULD I DO THAT......#i feel like welt over kevin tbh #but thats super hard to say on my end alkdjfha #YOU KNOW i wouldve also said rita because i think rita is so fun #but i still dotn know enough about her #but personality wise i think shes so funny in a very stereotypical anime villain esque way LOL #also she is so catty too like what was she doing picking a fight with natasha LKAJHDLAFKJSDFH #OH I ALSO LOVE RITA AND NATASHA...#tbh i havent run into a character that i absolutely Hate in honkai yet....#at least not that i remember #if i hated them i probably forgot about them LMAOOOOO #like even durandal? i love durandal in the manga. she doesnt really stand out to me MUCH yet in the game but i loved her a lot in the manga #but for me durandal is low on the list for now. but that doesnt mean i dislike her i think shes cool but just hasnt done anything in #particular that caught my attention yet alskjdfahl #rambling WHOOPS ASLKJDFA

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featherymainffins · 5 months ago

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I think it's a hatecrime against me that there aren't any slugs as big as the giant African snail. Why do the snails get to have all the fun I just want a giant slime noodle.

#I don't want to keep a snail as a pet because theyre kinda prone to shell injuries #and then they die. id be in a constant state of stress #i can't have tarantulas even though i really want to for the same reason - spiders molt and they can actually fuck up #and they fuck up kinda frequently. and if they fuck up they die #because they either tear off their organs in an attempt to free themselves or they essentially turn themselves to stone #or they suffocate. i know that I'd be extremely stressed every da #id be like 'what if it happens what if they fuck up molting i have to stand here on guard in case they start molting and mess up'#because sometimes if you're really fucking lucky you CAN manage to save them. but you have to #be there on time and you have to pray. because its much easier for you to kill them than save them #and i would never forgive myself for that #in general it's very stressful for me to keep pets who don't have very clear signals of joy and displeasure/pain because i #constantly worry about possibly taking bad care of them and them being unhappy #i loved my hamster but i did breathe a breath of relief when she died of old age because every day with her was just #so unbelievably stressful for me. i wouldn't help but be preoccupied with trying to figure out if i was doing something incorrectly #if i was a bad foster parent to her if she was content etc etc #she was a great hamster but the experience was very much 0/10 for me i would never own a hamster again #in the same vein i probably couldn't have a tarantula due to this as well.#plus tbh I didn't even want a hamster my parents got her for me because they wanted me to feel obligated not to kill myself #they said that if i killed myself they wouldn't care for her and she'd die so i had to stay alive.#a part of me knew they were bullshitting but it still freaked me out super hard and made me unimaginably anxious about #getting run over or anything happening to me and paradoxically that made me even more suicidal and depressed #didn't help that my mother didn't even believe in her own plan and accused me of planning to kill myself AND my hamster #she accused me of that several times. I've always had a lot of intrusive thoughts about hurting animals so it #made me break down and self harm every time. obviously that made my mother even angrier and many a time it led to #her accusing me of being a danger to her and others #if she felt particularly hysterical she screamed i was just like my father and that she feared me as much as she had feared him #when he still had a gun. you can imagine how that made me feel considering i jsed to have nightly night terrors about my father #killing my mother.

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hella1975 · 2 years ago

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I'm not done yet but hey are you giving zuko eldest daughter trauma because I'll fucking kill you I read ONE line it's probably the first of what's to come but I'm sending the hate ask now xoxo

ofc i wouldn't do that! he's just fistfighting a saviour complex and is eternally burdened by the responsibility of raising and caring for his sister while simultaneously being a child himself and always putting himself before the worst of the war so that azula doesn't have to all the while growing more and more rage towards the situation until it all comes out in a very cataclysmic scene that i will definitely cry at when writing :)

#he's got that fiona gallagher in him #big thief rlly went to town with mythological beauty and 'there is a child inside you who is trying to raise a child in me' v tams zukocore #the funny thing about zuko and azula's relationship is that yes it's kinda wholesome but it is still ultimately fucked #and yet i find them pretty easy to write bc i literally just go 'what would me and my sister be like in this situation'#like ive said before how my sister never really stepped up as the eldest and ive always felt like we shared that role #like i'll give it to her she's better at being the eldest in certain situations and im better in others #and it's always been us helping our mum bc as capable and brilliant as my mum is she's also doing everything alone #and her temper is... not great. so me and my sister took care of each other in our own way #and by 'our own way' i mean we have NEVER had a stereotypical relationship. our age gap is too small and we're both too mean #literally zuko's ch1 quote about 'they'd never been protective of each other' is directly inspired by me and my sister #i dont feel protective of her i dont feel a need to keep her safe and happy and it's really odd bc i KNOW im supposed to but i just dont #and she doesnt for me even though she's the 'eldest'. and yet i love her and would kill and die for her #and also if we were in this situation and we were trying to shield each other #from certain horrors that we thought the other couldn't handle then we'd have to be SO CLEVER ABOUT IT #bc just like zuko with azula if i caught my sister trying to patronise me/protect me i would HIT THE ROOF #like i am thoroughly convinced there is nothing she can handle that i cant and vice versa so we'd have to be soooo slick about it #and while with zuko and azula that only holds to an extent bc azula is ultimately YEARS younger than zuko #and whatever you think of her personality she just straight up should not be exposed to certain things #(neither should zuko but yk what i mean)#it still stands and we see throughout tams the v clever ways zuko has learned to protect azula so that she doesnt catch on #like either the next chapter or the one after (probs the one after) there's a really horrific scene #that's just super dark and gory and while with a normal younger sibling you'd do something to keep their eyes on you and not on the scene #like lie to them or make it into a game or something so they're unaware of what's happening #but instead zuko sees what's happening and before azula can he quickly gets her to check their supplies and count their money or some shit #like giving her a job to acknowledge her capability and not patronise her while still shielding her from a really brutal scene #and it just goes over zuko's head that at sixteen he ALSO SHOULD NOT BE EXPOSED TO THAT #but long story short i just think that's so funny. like the fire hazards are sooo fucked and for good reason #but it literally just boils down to me and my dumbass sister #so yeah. very niche eldest daughter syndrome emanating from tams zuko #ask

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c0rpsedemon · 10 months ago

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ok fr last one but there's actually a bootleg of my school's anastasia and i'm linking it bc you all NEED to understand that my infatuation with this one girl's voice which started when i was in the 6th grade and still hasn't really worn off isn't based on nothing

#brielle's the one in the n95 mask (the video is too grainy to actually make out any of the ensemble's faces but she stands out)#and i'm the in my 'teenage tboy's diy first short haircut' era in every scene she's in #apart from everything abt the girl who plays anya. the tea on everyone else is that our director liked the boy who played gleb's voice so #much that she actually lowered some if not all of his parts to be in his range. the guy who played vlad was a total diva and uhm. the phras #'peaked in high school' has been tossed around at him a lot. and the fact that he came back to sub the year after he graduated isn't helpin #his case. also he pressured the girl who played anya's grandmother into wearing old age makeup + spray her hair grey bc he decided he was #going to wear it and since she's supposed to be older than him she had to too and used to waltz into the girls' changing room whenever he #wanted. everyone was like super shocked during auditions though bc we all thought he was a shoe-in for dimitry esp since seniors get #priority casting bc it's their last chance. but at callbacks (we had singing auditions via video and dance auditions in person and callback #were tacked on to the dance auditions) he kinda flubbed his song and then this freshman. who was with us via google meet bc he literally ha #covid at the time absolutely blew him out of the water and i remember walking away w brielle like 'holy shit [first name] [last name] just #lost a part to a freshman' (he's the kind of person you just have to full name otherwise it sounds wrong). that said i do think he made a #much better vlad then he would've made a dimitry and while he is. a lot. he's always been nice to me and i did briefly idolize him and his #stage presence way i did anya's singing voice but that faded when i got into hs and started actually observing his prima donna ways #(the one production we were in together before in middle school we didn't have any scenes together). the girl who played the grandma #actually shouted me out in cast circle and that's the only time that's ever happened to me. also i'm p sure her dad is/was dating someone m #dad and by extension myself work with so that's. Oh My God. like she (the one who works for my dad) brought him w her to a comedy show as i #think her bf but i'm not 100% sure and when he found out what school i went to he mentioned his daughter went there and despite the fact #that i basically have a script for when people ask me that question bc i do NOT pay attention to most of my fellow students and don't know #anyone i was like 'holy shit' bc i actually did. hm what else. the guy who played the tsar and i used to shittalk bad period dramas #backstage during the first part of act 2. also during the press conference scene i need you to picture all the bolshevik soldiers and #romanov royals doing the macarena behind the curtain bc that was absolutely what we were doing back there. speaking of the press conference #the really high singing w/o a clear source was actually anya standing behind the curtain on the other side of the stage bc she's the only #one who physically could sing the part. also in regards to the bolshevik soldiers. we were originally supposed to have wooden rifles but fo #some reason our director took them out so we had to just walk menacingly towards the romanovs. you can't rlly see me that well in that scen #but that jacket would NOT stay closed and for 2/3 performances i had to awkwardly hold it closed the entire time. luckily the one that was #filmed was the one where i was smart enough to bring safety pins and also saved like all of the ballerinas bc their costumes all started #falling apart at once backstage.#romeo.txt #theatreposting

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neofelis----nebulosa · 11 months ago

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My Roman Empire is that in kung fu panda 3 they just gave tigress a completely different outfit and just didn’t even address it. Like not even an offhand mention.

#tbh I think the new one is better but like what was the reason #I feel like the flowy parts are kinda impractical for combat but it’s pretty so I’ll allow it #definitely not the most atrocious example of a female character wearing impractical clothing for combat for aesthetic reasons #I have the art book and they explain the change a little bit only from an aesthetic perspective #they said that the leaves are standing in as stripes so even though she still has clothes there is still the visual of stripes #which yeah love that good stuff but I want to know like why it changed in the story

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harmonybarmy · 2 years ago

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the gang now that kristen/crystal is dead

#🐇#yellowjackets #as soon as I saw the cliff and those two wackadoos were sharing secrets I knew what was gonna happen lmfao #it's so funny I bring up misty destroying the flight recorder ALL THE TIME and I feel like no one else cares about it #it's LITERALLY her fault all of this is happening and people on reddit were like um I don't really think the girls would care at this point #tell that to dead kristen/crystal #me and my friends would have killed misty with hammers I can tell you that much #also be nice to friggin javi mari!!!!! how tf has no one knocked her out at least once yet he's been through a lot!!!#I also love the girls that are constantly like lottie is insane! lottie is a schizophrenic she has delusions!#and she's like uh yeah??? and you're still hanging onto my every word????#so funny #also it's still a very slim chance but you know this kinda does provide a chance that jackie is the antler queen #I know people think it's javi but honestly that's misogynistic I won't stand for it he said she was his FRIEND #but really though it does lend to my theory that the antler queen is not like a physical being so.#this post has gotten away from me idk what else to add goodbye

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zoueriemandzijnopmars · 1 year ago

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Just so you know, I just went through my queue and I currently have two original posts in a row in there, the first is about K3 and the second about the Illiad

#i contain multitudes #I might switch them up #or even delete one of them #that’s part of why I queue everything so that I have time to sit and think about what I said #I deleted a rant yesterday because it didn’t feel good anymore a few days later #I mainly queue almost everything because I’ll otherwise post 20 posts one day and nothing the #next 5 days though #tumblr #about me #the k3 post is kinda embarrassing but I still stand behind it

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the-acid-pear · 1 year ago

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They need to make every woman in the country who is older than me taller I cannot be getting shy like a little kid looking and my feet pulling at my finger when I'm half a head taller than someone 🤦

#luly talks #i forget that for female standards im kinda big im wide and tall #anyway my therapist gifted me a fucking bed minus matress and it made me cry THRICE #literally in shock #i said thank you once and then i just got SHY #and when were standing next to each other its so goofy #great woman she is #she also gave me a trash bag so i can throw away my old toys #she's right though i have the ability to change things i need to grab life by the neck for a bit #do what i can with what i have #for example rn ill ask for a fucking pill no TWO pills

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medicinemane · 3 months ago

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Anyway, hope you're all doing well

I just... I haven't slept and also I've got like... 2-4 days of tumblr to catch up on... mostly to make sure I don't lose anything I want to keep requeuing

In many ways I'm probably doing better than I have been in a long time... maybe ever, but... I've got zero focus, I can barely watch youtube videos, I certainly can't play games... I can't get myself to clean... I don't know man

It's like... it's like my mind's empty except for some thick clear goopy sludge... it's like being over at a strange house sat alone in a big room waiting for people to come back... not wanting to touch anything so you just sit there staring and feeling out of sorts, except it's just constant in my own house in my own room... just saw Bart flop down in front of my door and realized I'm so out of it I forgot I had cats

It's like I'm living every moment in the moment, but not in a peaceful way, in a I'm untethered from reality and trying to figure out plans or how to deal with getting everything sorted out is just kinda painful kinda way

Then my mood... well... I kinda have no mood. I'm fucking numb if I'm honest. I have flavor opinions like "I'm worthless and should kill myself", but I actually don't even feel depressed right now, I feel nothing

I don't see much point to my future even if everything goes great, and I would like to kill myself, but I have zero interest in even considering it right now even though I have everything I need around if I just stand up and take a single step

So... much as it probably sounds like I'm just pure in the trash right now, I'm actually in many ways probably doing better than I ever have before... I'm just also real messed up right now at the same time

I don't feel hopeful, I never feel hopeful, but I do feel like I can maybe guide shit into a good position, it's just once again I figure that even if I do everything I want to with being able to help other people out and stuff, I'll still just kinda end up alone in a crowd

You know... funny thing is I'm thinking "the fuck is even the point I wanted to make?", and I realize... my point was actually that I'm doing pretty good and not to worry... not sure how well I'm selling it, but it's true

I hesitate to assign anything to myself, my stance on me and anything I can't conclusively say tends to be no comment... but if I were looking at someone else describing what I'm feeling in my position, I might be inclined to say burnout... months of having to be on and clean and manage everything and... all that... well it's one explanation, who knows if it's correct

Anyway though, I'm good, don't worry, know I do appreciate you all and wish I had more brain power to say more to more people... it's just maybe kinda sad that this is my version of doing good... the fuck is wrong with me if I wake up everyday feeling like I've been beaten with clubs... and for me this is kinda peak... what's that say about my baseline?

Doesn't matter, only thing to do is keep moving forward

Guess insomnia paired with not really being able to think, like words just kinda pop out with no planning... guess it makes me ramble real bad, this was supposed to be like one or two paragraphs being positive

It's a Beautiful World

#mm tag so i can find things later #to be clear; I'm referencing the Devo song; and if you know the song... that's kinda a negative thing to say #it's a beautiful world... for you... it's not for me #that's the sentiment I express when I say that; just to avoid confusion... though... confusion I can't deny is also kinda the point #I like hiding things in plain sight; I like lies of omission #...but also... is it so bad to try and let people think I'm being more positive than I am seeing as people have a problem with how I am?#makes them sad; you know?#I'm not even meaning to be negative; I'm just trying to lay out my thoughts so people don't have to read my mind #I think people will probably read this and take it as extremely negative but... it more just is #my brain feels broken right now... that's not meant as doom and gloom... just a statement of fact #people always seem to worry about me... but... they kinda... worry about the wrong stuff #...they kinda... it's like if someone was really worried cause I skinned my knee and it looked real gross but was pretty surface #and I just couldn't get them to stop focusing on that and listen to the fact I had internal bleeding and that was much worse #it's not the fact I want to kill myself that's the problem; it's not that I can often be melancholic #it's all the systemic issues going on... the isolation; the... never feeling like I succeed... that kinda thing; you know?#the money and the getting things stabilized #even if life goes perfect and I even somehow get the stuff I think is literally impossible for me to get that I want so bad #...good chance I'll still be kind of melancholic #...but would that really be so bad? if I was just a little glum when it came to me?#despite the fact that with everything that's not me I say 'lets just keep moving forward and change what we can'?#despite the fact I tend to have a very upbeat... lets not dwell on the past; lets see how we can fix the now kinda mindset?#despite the fact I think I must seem a bit stupid and bumbling in person cause I always tend to be kinda 'it is what it is'?#just because I think bad thoughts and you hear how I think on here... my actions aren't enough to outweigh that?#clean all that shit; but I dare to not like myself very much... seems like weighing the two I really am just negative or whatever; eh?#and by god always make sure to tell me to get a therapist even though I'm both working on that and also it won't fix me #if therapy fixed me I'd be fixed at like 14; it's systemic shit; like I said... therapist can just help a bit #...what I really need is for more people to turn towards me a bit more... 20% of the time even... nah I don't want to elaborate #I don't want to phrase that the more understandable way; I want everyone to... miss it... I can't stand to be seen and then ignored... agai #wish people would worry a little less about me and help a little more... mostly by just being company #can't a body fall down stairs in peace? you know?

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