#kinda old tho like 8 months ago

[heartsofhounds]

everyone loves a morally grey middle aged woman now and then

[hymnoeides]

After your long hiatus how long did it take you to start seeing progress?

Ouuu it’s a bit hard to say bc I def have up and down days in my art. Very apparent when I thought it was a good idea to make a daily doodle account so it kinda fluctuated 😔. I forced out art when I was struggling and it was a bad time for me…. Looking at old art vs new art tho, you def could see improvements…

Enstars jumpscare (if you know my main from this post, shhh☝️/lh), but as an example here’s two Kohaku I did like around… 8 months apart? One from around when I just got out of hiatus and the second one still was from 9 months ago and highly experimental and I lowkey miss painting like that (I should again…), but you can see how I became more bold with color (actually used color) and my anatomy improved and stuff!!

And even with more recent art I am still working on my style and stuff!! I think! My first and latest hsr art…:

I miss my older messier styles ngl but huff huff I got a better grasp of many things that I can’t be too upset about… hopefully I cook more rendered scenes in the future here, but you’re stuck with flats and sketches now BWAH 🚬

[itz-pandora]

Urrgh

I was just kinda moody today and yesterday and I think I'm just. Stressed.

I keep feeling like I have a mountain of work that I can't get done because I can't focus on anything but art at home, so I'd have to stay after school to get anything done, but I stayed after for like 3 days and I hardly got anything done and I'm so upset about it. I feel like I can't get anything done in the timeframe I have and I can't even focus in class and get things done. I just feel like I'm falling more and more behind and it's all my fault that I can't catch up. I'm trying so hard.

I have 4 different comics/storybooks I need to make for class and they ALL demand some kind of quality and I am a perfectionist. And I hate it. I think it won't take long but it does! I feel like if I don't turn in something that looks good then I'm not really an artist. Not to mention finding inspiration and time! I am dedicating so much to my Unbreakable Bond comic for my class, and I'm already 8 hours into 3 pages of SKETCHES! Just. Sketches. And I feel like I need them to be perfect. I need to make 2 short books based off stories (3 little pigs and Juan Bobo) and dude I can't think of inspo... Ughhhhhhh I'm sad. I'm halfway done with a storyboard for my Spanish class tho... Urrgh perfectionism is a bitch

And I'm falling behind with normal assignments too! I have a month old PowerPoint that every time I think about I feel drained and I DONT KNOW WHY? why cant i make a stupid powerpoint on one of the 5 senses development in utero?? It was due over a month ago! And we're in the story unit in Spanish and my dumbass can't keep up with our pace and it's driving me CRAZY. I'm supposed to be fast with this, I've always been fast with this, how am I falling so far behind?? It takes so long for me to get through it and we keep moving on before I'm ready. And my graphic noveling class? I spend so much time on the actual projects that I neglect the busywork. Not to mention how my brain doesn't think the same way as the curriculum does, I like to plot out as I go! It keeps telling me to plot out with words, but I know the gist of what I want, it's just hard to translate into words and I don't know how to properly describe stuff. Also I straight up didn't start one of our first assignments because I can't flip images on our school computers and it made me mad

Thank you Earth Science for being NORMAL. It's my most rigid and lecture-based class and has the most traditional style of teaching. It's the easiest in the execution and I don't feel like I'm behind in it. It's the only one I feel normal in.

My child development class is very lax, I goof off tbh, it's so easy to waste time. With Spanish, I need a translator and my friend in that class is chatty so I procrastinate, and in my Graphic noveling class, I make too much for myself and end up drowning in it.

i havent worked on my animatic since yesterday so that's another thing my brain put in the loser bin. Smh

I'm kinda sad

I'm not saying this in any negative way towards you guys, I'm glad when you interact with me. Doing things on here is actually such a mental boost

[shinynewboots]

Staring at the Sun / Adam x Lute Chapter 9

Summary: After the battle, Lute attempts to flee with Adam. They find themselves unable to return to Heaven and must adjust to life in Hell.

AN: Lol buckle up. Spoilers and real AN at the bottom.

Warnings: 18+, Violence, gore, smut eventually, Adam-typical misogyny, alcohol use, slight sexual themes, religious imagery

Chapter 8

Chapter 10

“Ch-Charlie, I think you need to check the news,” Angel stuttered as he scrolled his Sinstagram app. Almost every story and post showed Adam flying over Pentagram City. He showed the feed to Charlie, who scrolled through and frowned. 

OMG IS THE EXTERMINATION HAPPENING RN??? #imtoohottodie

WTF is that an angel? #amihigh

Hey why is that angel actually kinda hot tho #idtapthat

“Are you fucking kidding me,” She groaned and ran to the television set and turned it on. The screen showed Breaking News on the 666 channel. The footage showed Adam flying swiftly towards the center of the city, Lute cradled in his arms.

“This is Katie Killjoy with Breaking News. The Exorcist leader, Adam, who was presumed dead after the humiliating defeat by a one-eyed housemaid has been spotted heading toward the center of the city and presumably to our imminent doom. And I have to be stuck with Tom over as a companion for this impromptu Extermination Day.” 

“Fuck you, Katie.”

“In your dreams, Tom. Now, back to the weather.”

“Fuck!” Charlie groaned. “When did they even leave?”

“Oh, about an hour or so ago,” Alastor said, stepping out from the shadows. Vaggie looked over with narrowed eyes.

“And how would you know?” 

“Oh, silly me. I had my shadow follow them to keep tabs on them,” Alastor said, picking at his claws. 

“You knew they had been gone for a fucking hour and didn’t say anything?” Vaggie growled, pointing her finger at Alastor. 

Alastor smiled at her, his mouth twitching. He gently pushed her finger down out of his face. “You never asked. They did a nasty job on my shadow too.”

The room darkened around Alastor as he grew in size, his antlers doubling. Neon green light emitted from around him and the rest of the hotel guests looked in unease at the Radio Demon. “Someone will have to pay for that.”

“Not now, Alastor! Angel can you find the Egg Bois and see if they know anything,” Charlie said, her eyes growing red. Charlie felt her phone vibrate in her hand and she looked down to check the caller ID: Dad.

“Hey Dad, you haven’t happened to see the news, have you?”

___

Adam continued to fly over Pentagram City, his wings stretching out in a way that they had not been able to in months. This was the first time he had truly felt free during his time in Hell; more like his old self. Lute wriggled  in his arms as she came out of the fog that she had been under thanks to the shadow. 

The next time he saw the fucking Radio Demon, that fucker would die an even more gruesome second death. 

They were gaining fast on the Embassy, its golden light shining like a beacon to its unworthy citizens. On the streets, Adam could hear the screams and cries of the sinners who looked upon him with fear and awe (as they fucking should). A buzzing flew up near Adam and he looked over his shoulder to see a drone flying rapidly towards them, a camera attached to it. 

“Adam, Channel 666 news here! Care to give a statement?” A voice said from the drone, another camera popping out and coming closer to his face. Adam growled and shifted Lute in his arms, determined to blow the camera into next week but was too late. A gunshot fired out and the drone and camera began hurdling back down to the ground. 

“What the fuck,” He exclaimed and looked down at Lute, who held a smoking pistol in her hands and had a weak smirk on her face. “Nice shot, bitch.”

God, she was so fucking small in his arms. Fuck that Radio Demon. This had to all mean something. He had to get them back to Heaven. He had to get Her back to Heaven. Fuck, she didn’t belong here. And if it hadn't been for him, she would never have had to suffer here. She never would have lost a piece of herself (even if the metal arm was badass). She was meant to live out her days of eternity in Heaven, training with her sisters and soaking in paradise. 

Not saving a fucking Human soul that didn’t know when to keep its mouth shut. 

The Embassy was only a few hundred feet away. Down below, Adam could see Sinners gathered in masses around the entrance, looking at him in awe. Some held phones and took footage of him, while others just stood and watched. Others still shot up at him with various guns, but the ammo (not angelic steel), whizzed past and died back to the ground. 

Adam made the executive decision to land on the roof of the Embassy. His feet hit the ground much harder than he anticipated as felt the jarring difference between floating and walking. He looked down to Lute in his arms, who was looking much better and trying to wriggle free from his grip, likely frustrated that she felt helpless.

Adam was taken back to an earth movie he had seen decades ago, of a horrible monster scaling a tall, iconic building with a beautiful girl in its arms. 

“Adam, I can walk. I’m good now,” Lute said. Adam nodded and released her, his arms missing the weight of her in them. He looked around the roof, trying to find an entrance. 

“You’re telling me there’s no goddamn doors in this place?” He exclaimed, his speech rushed and on edge. Lute began to look as well, her movements slower than usual. She still felt weak from her brush with the shadow. 

“I don’t see any,” She yelled over. Adam looked at her like a madman, desperate and rigid. 

“Fuck,” He said, his breath quickening and sweat forming on his brow. “Wait, I’m a fucking angel.”

“Adam what—” Lute exclaimed before she was cut off by a shock of angelic light shooting from Adam’s hands aimed for the center of the roof. The light shot right through, leaving a gaping hole that led to the infamous board room where everything began to go wrong. 

Adam laughed, a triumphant, if not mad, laugh, with his head cocked back and his eyes towards the sky, as if to mock Heaven.

___

Lucifer was not having a good day. 

After receiving a call from his brother about a certain First Man making a spectacle and causing a commotion in Heaven and Hell, Lucifer knew he had to go and put on his big king pants and get to the bottom of the so-called commotion. 

(Seriously, why did Charlie ask him to save that asshole again. Oh yeah, redemption. Bleh.)

So Lucifer called his daughter (“Hey Dad, you haven’t happened to see the news, have you?” A pause and a sigh. “No Charlie, rots the brain. But I did get a call from Heaven about an angel sanctuary project gone wrong.”) and began his flight to the Heaven’s Embassy. 

Lucifer did not get out much. And he especially did not go towards the center of his Kingdom. So to see the chaos brewing in the streets, all chaos caused by Adam, Lucifer couldn’t help but feel nausea brewing in the pit of his stomach. Just perfect. 

“Dad!” 

Lucifer turned, his wings flapping in the air to hold himself steady, to see Charlie riding on Razzle. Her horns had grown in full force (oh Lilith, if only you could see her now) and her eyes were red with fire. 

“Charlie! What are you doing here?”

“This is all my fault. I didn’t even think they would do something like this. I mean, I thought they were happy at the hotel and everything was going great. I didn’t think they were trying to make the 6 o’clock news!”

“You didn’t think they would try to escape?” Lucifer asked, exasperated. 

“Well, I mean they weren’t exactly prisoners, Dad.” 

“And you were okay with them doing this?” Lucifer replied, gesturing wildly around him with his hands. 

“Well no,” Charlie said sheepishly. “But I trusted them. I mean, I still do. I think they just want to go home, Dad.”

Home. Well, Lucifer could understand that. So he sighed and gave Charlie a strained but encouraging smile. “Come on, let’s go clean up this mess.”

___

“SOMEONE BETTER FUCKING ANSWER ME! ITS FUCKING ADAM YOU CUNTS, YOU ABANDONED US DOWN HERE”

Lute wanted to rage and fight and scream with Adam, but for one of the first times in her eternal life, she knew she had to keep her cool. One of them had to. Dread clutched her heart as the reality of her deepest fear seemed close at hand: no one was coming for them. 

“They have to answer us, Lute,” He said, his voice cracking. Sweat dripped down his face and his t-shirt was drenched. Light flew from his fingertips as he blasted holes around the room, for good measure. 

The room was a disaster, as Adam had thrown every piece of furniture not nailed down to the floor. The table was flipped over. The chairs were scattered across the room. Holes dotted the walls, letting the hellish red sun stream its light in.  He had screamed and raged and destroyed all for just a minute of Heaven’s time. 

“They will, Adam.” Lute said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked down at it and paused. 

“You have to go back to Heaven. They have to let you back into Heaven,” He whispered. His shoulder was hot under her touch, as though he spiked a fever. 

“We. We have to go back to Heaven,” She repeated, confused in her tone. Adam looked at her as though he were looking through her. 

“Yeah, that's what I said.” His breathing was heavy and he looked as though he was thousands of miles away from her. 

A flash of light engulfed the room and the pair came face to face with Sera, her stature intimidating and her mouth set in a grim line. 

“Adam! Lute! What is the meaning of all this?”

Adam grew, his wings fully extended and his eyes ablaze. His canines were sharp and he looked as though he could kill. “No, what’s the fucking meaning of this, Sera? Leaving us down like fucking sinners.”

“We didn’t know the two of you were still alive. We didn’t think you survived the fall.” Sera said, her voice clipped as she kept her gaze on Adam. Lute watched in horror at the sight, feeling powerless to stop building tension. 

“Bullshit.”

“Adam.”

“No Sera, you mean to tell me that the leader and lieutenant of the fucking Exorcists goes MIA, presumed missing and you didn’t send someone down here check. Or fucking call Lucifer.”

“Someone say my name?”

All three heads turned to see Lucifer flying in through the gaping hole in the roof, Charlie in his arms in a way reminiscent of Extermination Day. Lucifer landed and Charlie jumped to the ground. 

“Speak of the Fucking Devil.” Adam scoffed, his eyes shooting daggers at Lucifer. Lucifer’s horns blazed with fire. 

“Sera.”

“Lucifer.”

“What in the fuck are you two doing here?” Adam growled. His piercing gaze shot back and forth between the Morningstars and Sera. 

“Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’ve riled up the entire city. Literally fucking mobs down there. I’m here to clean up your mess. It’s becoming a bit of a habit, don’t you think?” Lucifer said smugly, strutting towards Adam and Sera, his arms crossed. The Dragon Beast Charlie rode in on howled into the open sky on the roof. 

Adam glared and opened his mouth but was interrupted by Sera. “Lucifer, your presence is not required.”

“No, Sera, as long as you’re in my territory, I’m staying right here.” Lucifer said, the horns growing from his head and eyes turning red. He turned to Charlie who gave him a stiff nod and enthusiastic thumbs-up. 

“Lute,” A small voice whispered behind Lute. Lute turned to see Emily standing behind her, a large grin on her cherubic features. “Oh my goodness, we thought you were dead!”

Lute found herself wrapped in the arms of the smaller seraphim, who squeezed her tight in her arms. While Lute had never felt a particularly close bond to the Seraphim (who she just now realized reminded her very much of Princess Morningstar), she felt relieved at the sight of her. 

“No, we’ve been here this whole time,” Lute whispered back, her mouth running dry and her palms becoming clammy. Emily frowned and opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted when Sera caught sight of her. 

“Emily, I told you to stay back in Heaven. This matter will be resolved quickly.”

“Well, you didn’t exactly tell me why I needed to stay and I’ve never seen Hell, I figured this would be a good learning opportunity,” Emily replied, waving at the other occupants in the room and completely unaware of the building tension radiating off all parties involved. She looked around and caught eyes with Charlie.  

“Charlie?!” Emily squealed and ran towards the Princess, pulling her into an enthusiastic hug, which Charlie reciprocated. “Oh my goodness, It’s so good to see you! Oh, I’ll have to tell Sir Pentious that I saw you today.”

“Wait, what?” Charlie asked, a stunned look on her face. 

If Sera could have paled, Adam was positive she would have looked like she had seen a ghost. She stiffened as she watched the interaction between Charlie and Emily, her gaze never leaving the two. 

“Pentious. Your friend? The one who got redeemed.”

No one said anything for a few breathless moments. Charlie stared at Emily in bewilderment. Emily stared at Charlie confused, and turned to Sera for clarification. Sera’s face, however, was made of stone and offered no secrets or explanations. 

“Sir Pentious got redeemed? Oh my god, that’s so amazing. That means…the hotel works! Dad, the hotel works!” Charlie exclaimed, joy and rainbows and butterflies and all that ooey gooey stuff radiating off of her. She smiled at Lucifer, though her smile faltered when she saw the grave look on his face. 

“It’s been months since Sir Peanut died in the battle,” Lucifer said, giving Sera a pointed look. Sera raised her head as if to stick her nose up at the insinuation. 

“We are not here to discuss that. Emily, go home, we will talk about this further.” Sera’s voice was cold, colder than Adam had ever heard her use with Emily (Emily the golden child, Emily the new seraphim, Emily the baby blah blah blah). “The matter at hand is Adam and Lute having Fallen.”

Lute sucked in a gasp. Her heart shattered in her chest. 

“FUCKING FALLEN!” Adam raged, hurtling towards Sera with blind fury, his wings making large gusts of wind behind him. “You fucking cunt, after every fucking thing I’ve done for you, for fucking Heaven. After everything Lute has done to serve as an Exorcist.” 

“Adam, this shouldn’t come as a shock,” Sera replied, her voice even.

“Adam, this shouldn’t come as a shock,” He mimicked back, his voice high-pitched and mocking.“Well, it fucking does. I mean I had my fucking suspicions. Why did it take me so fucking long to heal from some goddamn stab wounds? Why didn’t Lute’s arm regenerate? I thought ‘shit, maybe it's because we’re in fucking hell of course things would be a little different’. But fucking fallen, Sera. Are you fucking kidding me?”

Lute felt as though all the air had been sucked from her lungs. She could only stare at the trainwreck in front of her, unable to get out of the way and hoping the train would crush her instead. Fallen. Broken. Dirty. Weak. 

“Adam, please, calm down.”

“Calm down? Calm down! You fucking cunt I have given both my lives to heaven, human and eternal and you shut me out just like that? Like fucking sinner scum?”

“Adam, no one shut you out. You were unworthy to ascend back to Heaven. That’s all there is to it. You fell and you are the only one to blame.” 

“Yeah, and what the fuck did Lute do to deserve this fate?” He snarled, like a rabid dog with its corned prey. 

“She followed her leader. A wrong choice, apparently.” 

Adam paused and began to sway unsteadily on his feet. He swayed backward a few steps. Lute rushed forward to catch that fall that did not happen. Instead, Adam began to steady himself. He shook with pure rage, hate and fire emitting off of him that Lute had never known. Sera backed up a few paces, shielding Emily behind her. 

Adam let out the most heart-wrenching scream Lute had ever heard. It was so deafening that she could not bear to listen longer and so she clapped her hand over her ears but the sound was still overwhelming. 

An aura of blinding white light began to engulf Adam, beginning at his core and spreading across his skin like the roots of a tree until his entire body was encased in the light. There was no way to tell where the light stopped and Adam started; they were one and the same. Power radiated around Adam, the likes of which shook the Embassy and the grounds of Hell below. 

He was furious. He was hate. He was sin. 

“Adam!” Lute began to scream, though he seemed farther away than she could ever hope to reach. 

___

Time stopped for Adam. All the events taking place around him moved in slow motion. He saw Lute paused in mid-scream, his name just on the edge of her lips. He saw Lucifer, trying to usher Charlie away from the scene. He saw Sera and Emily and their holographic images flicker, trying to dissipate into the open air. 

And then there was nothing. 

.

.

.

And then there was everything. 

Adam was suddenly blinded by an awe-inspiring light. He blinked, but his vision was blurred and spotted. The sound of chaos no longer flooded his ears. No. It was the sound of…water? He honed in on it and could hear the unmistakable sound of a babbling brook. The water sounded to be flowing lazily as if the worst thing that had ever happened to Adam was of no care to the water. 

A pleasant, warm breeze brushed past Adam’s shoulder and ruffled his hair, his skin, his —. Oh. He was naked. 

Adam tried to open his eyes once more to adjust to the warm glow of the light. This time he was met with a sight that brought tears to his eyes. 

The garden was lush, just as he had remembered. The wind rustled the leaves in the trees. The brook babbled along, playing a song for all of the garden to hear. The soil was cool beneath his bare feet and he began to dig his toes into the soft carpet. Birds of various types flew around the garden and Adam was immediately able to remember them all by name. Dove. Owl. Eagle. Finch. Rook. 

Adam touched his face and realized he was crying. Fat, salty tears streamed down his cheeks and he felt like a child who had run happily into the warm embrace of a mother. 

He was home. He was in Eden. 

“Adam.” 

Adam turned and was met with a formation of light in the shape of a human man. The light began to take shape until it revealed a male angel standing at the same height as Adam himself. 

The angel had six brilliant blue wings. His hair was long and shone a golden brown in the sun. He wore the robes and armor in the style of a Byzantine warrior (Adam knew that this was not always his preferred style of dress, but he had adopted it after the various depictions of him in mortal art). Adam had almost forgotten how similar Lucifer looked to his brothers until now. 

“Michael?”

“I was wondering when you would join me.” The archangel replied, a smile on his face. 

“Am I dead? Again?”

Michael shook his head. “No, no more dead than you already were.”

“Are we in Eden?” 

Micheal shrugged. “Of sorts. More of an in-between place, really. I come here when I crave solitude." He paused. "Walk with me.”

Michael guided them to flowing water and Adam looked down and took in his appearance. His facial hair was gone, as were the dark circles under his eyes. His skin was youthful and tanned, almost glowing. His wings were gone, though in his shock he hadn’t noticed. The most jarring difference was the color of his eyes. Instead of the Heavenly golden hue, they were the same color as the warm, dark earth beneath his feet. 

He looked just as he had the day he was cast from Eden. 

“Why are we here?” Adam asked, looking at Michael. 

“I needed to speak with you, uninterrupted.”

Adam scoffed, though he immediately felt shame for the action. “About how you and the rest of Heaven abandoned me to die?”

Michael’s eyes darkened. “Don’t mistake me when I say this Adam, you are special. But, you are nothing more than a human soul. A special human soul, but a human soul nonetheless. A human soul who made a choice.”

“I didn’t choose to stay in Hell.”

“No, but you did choose to indulge in the Exterminations in excess. There was no justification for conducting the Exterminations more than once a year. You chose to engage with Lucifer’s daughter in battle, in spite of the other areas of the Pride Ring you and the Exorcists could have performed the Extermination. That sinner might have attempted to kill you, but your actions are the reason you have fallen.” 

Adam wept. He was nothing more than a little boy, hiding behind his mother’s skirts after he knew he had done something wrong. 

In his tear-clouded thoughts, he thought of his sons. His first sons. 

Oh Cain, my sweet boy who offered up everything to Heaven, only for Heaven to ignore your offerings. To ignore your plea for mercy and forgiveness. 

“Oh Adam,” Michael said, his eyes sad. He placed a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “You were the first and for that, you had a tremendous burden on your shoulders, a burden that, in hindsight was unfair.” 

“So that’s it?” Adam asked, his mouth dry and full of ash. He pulled away from Michael.“Your regret and my damnation?”

“You have fallen,” Michael said, his tone even. “A fallen human soul. Unprecedented, as the rest of the fallen are heaven-born, but of course you always were a trailblazer.” 

Adam glared at Michael, his mind reeling at the information. 

“What about Lute?”

“She made her choice the minute she tried to save you and she damned herself to that fate. She is in Hell because she chose to follow you, Adam. She has fallen as well.” 

“She didn’t deserve that,” Adam whispered, his voice small as he looked back towards his reflection.

“You more than anyone know that existing is not about getting what we deserve, Adam. It’s about following the path.” Michael said, offering Adam a small smile. “I am truly sorry Adam. There’s nothing I can do for you now. Your path has been set and you are setting course to a place where I and other divine beings cannot follow.”

Adam shook his head. “Just fucking send me back.”

Michael nodded and placed his hand on Adam’s head. Adam felt as though he was being ripped in two; his heart, his soul, his being felt as though they were being expunged from his chest. He was pushed off a precipice and plunged into the frigid waters of eternity. 

And once again, Adam was cast out of the Garden of Eden.

___

Lute felt as though she were moving in slow motion. Her hair whipped around her as the heat radiating from Adam hit her full force. Her feet were unsteady beneath her, the sheer force of the power coming off of him almost knocking her to the ground. She watched as Sera and Emily disappeared. She watched as Lucifer tried to usher Charlie out of the building. 

The building. The Embassy was swaying dangerously as though there was an earthquake beneath the ground. The building groaned and creaked, unable to hold the weight of the sheer power it was containing. 

Her ears rang and she could not keep her eyes off of Adam. She had to stay. She had to help him. She had to do something. She had to—

“Lute!” Charlie said, gripping Lute’s shoulders and trying to pull her away from Adam. Charlie had broken free from her father’s grasp. “We have to go!”

“Adam,” Lute whispered, looking through Charlie like a ghost. The light flowing off of Adam was growing larger, brighter. The heat is more intense by the second. 

Lute’s cheek began to sting. She looked at Charlie and realized the Hell Princess had slapped her square across the cheek. 

“We have to go, Lute. We can’t help him.” Charlie repeated, her tone firm but kind. Her red eyes had faded and her horns retracted. Lute looked between Adam and Charlie before nodding. Charlie grabbed Lute’s hand and began to pull her towards Lucifer. 

“Charlie, sweetie, I don’t mean to rush you and your little friend, but WE NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE,” Lucifer yelled, holding his arms out to take both women. Charlie grabbed on to Lucifer and Lute kept her firm grip on Charlie’s hand. 

Lucifer began to fly through the hole that Adam had made in the roof and threw Charlie and Lute onto Razzle. 

“Let’s go!” Charlie yelled out to the dragon, who let out a powerful roar. The dragon flew high into the sky, with Lucifer close behind. 

It was quiet for a moment. 

Until.

A bomb went off.

Hell was suddenly engulfed in the brightest and most brilliant light it had ever seen. The light stretched beyond the confines of the Pride ring and touched every circle of Hell. The Embassy began to collapse, fire and brimstone and light exploded from its walls. 

The Pride ring began to crack, with the Embassy as its epicenter and expanding to all corners of the ring, leaving deep gullies in its wake. 

The three watched in horror as the building began to collapse into a pile of ash and rubble, crushing all the Sinners who had gathered outside of the Embassy.

The brilliant light began to fade until all that was left of the Embassy and its lone occupant was dust and ash. 

Lute began to weep. 

AN:

So...that happened. I know you all buckled in fro a fun little Adam and Lute story (as did I, I promise) but somewhere along the way, this story decided to take a life of its own and I for one am here for the ride. This chapter definitely had big season finale vibes if I do say so myself.

Also, any religious anything that's not 100% canon or correct...I am simply making it up as I go and using my suppressed Methodist upbringing as a reference. I truly had no intention of adding any archangels to this story and then I had the image of Adam in Eden and I simply could not help myself.

Do. Not. Worry. Lute and Adam will be together again at some point and I promise when they do it will be a very satisfying reunion. Please bear with me. We are strapping into my longest fic yet (that seems to be getting longer by the chapter lol)

I want to thank everyone for their kind comments, support, and just kindness. Everyone I have met in the process of writing this story has just been so amazing. I love hearing your thoughts, theories, everything! Do bear with me, I want our two favorite idiots to get together as much as anyone so I promise I am also on the edge of my seat for what happens next.

Until later, my sweet friends. I will gladly take your pitchforks and eggs.

[thefluffyrailway-official]

How long does the floof gestation last in your AU? I want to set a date for the birth of the loaf pups hehe (Also are there other engines with pups or expecting at the moment?)

Welp it's pretty long actually. Due to their size, depending to the species ofc, they need more time of gestation than other animals.

But here's a little list of the times and species we know 👁w👁:

•Diesels:

5 months (The egg stays inside the parent)

5 months (The egg is outside the parent)

•Submarines:

8-10 months

•Steamies & Electrics:

10-12 months

•Small Tugs:

13-14 months

•Coaches & Brake Vans:

12-15 months

•Bigger Tugs:

14-18 months

•Cranes:

20-24 months

(Pretty much for the cranes tho. But having in mind that a crane pup is nearly the same size as an adult tank engine. You can suppose they need a lot of time lol.)

Also i find so cute that u wanna set dates for the mini loaves 😭💚🧡🩶🧡

But i have to warn you that it's kinda hard to know when are they exactly gonna born (Bc mixed pups are often early pups, and bc we don't know since when were the loaves expecting before they realized)

-------------------------------------------------------

And actually yea! There are more famolis:

-The ones who already have pups-

•Duncan and Rusty (They already have Ronald, he's just a few weeks old ;w;)

•Toby and Henrietta (Who have Harriet. Still smol but very playful)

•Molly and Neville (They had cuadrupups 2 years ago. But the youngest female, Ashley, is still at the Steamworks due to her severe "Cinder Syndrome". The other three, Noah, Matthew and Melody, are perfectly fine)

•Edward (Who had a kit, Aarón, a year ago, right after The Great War, when Apolo, his mate, passed away. James helped him a lot, and looks like Eddie is feeling really good when he visits him and his kit. He also asked James if he wanted to be Aarón's mentor in the future lol)

•Carly (Who haves Sandy ofc. She already sees the Brendam Crew as her family. Calling Carly "mom", Big Mickey "Grandpa" and Salty and Porter "Uncle". She would call Cranky "dad" aswell, but he's kinda ashamed of her calling him like that when others are listening. Bc they could suppose that he and Carly are dating.

Psd: Cranky has a crush on Carly. But he doesn't want to admit it)

-The ones who are expecting-

•Donald (Ye, this can be kinda strange. But this is due to Duck being unable to have pups. So Donnie decided to do it for him :D. Not much longer to see their pup btw! probs a few days or a week :D)

[vctrvn-ls]

ranking of the betababies + 6 guests

les gooooo

I SWEAR TO GOD IF SOMEONE COMES AT ME I WONT BE ABLE TO DEFEND MYSELF AHAHAHAHAHA….so plz don’t 💀

@kennysboxergf tanku for tagging me ☺️

11. Gib

uuhh yeeh not my type. ahaha I’m sorry guys someone has to go last! in my defense I barely watch him like at all and I haven’t seen him more than like twice w the BetaSquad and I’ve seen him once in the sidemen so I really don’t know anything ab this guy…

10. Darkest

alr plz don’t come at me, ik he’s gone mad up here but I j don’t rlly see it, he’s super funny and I like him but w everyone else that I’m rating he’s gonna have to be 10th sadly…

9. Johnny

guys he’s mad fine 😔 mad mad fine, but I have to put him here, cause charisma counts for me, it rlly does and like…idrk how to feel. don’t come at me guysss ik he’s v slay, I love him. But 9 is the place.

8. Chunkz

a little low? maybe, maybe. I like me a big boy, but again w everyone else he gon have to go here gurl, v v sadly but still. I love Chunky tho. he looks rlly good in white/gray colors like fr, I also love it when he wears beige like the suit he wore a month ago.

7. Deji

I’ve been watching the Sidy Sides more and more recently aaaand-HEAR ME OUT, he kinda u know (heehee) he kinda fine. Plus he’s so funny, like he’s got MY little sister humor , maybe that’s why I like him sm. Like actually guys when he’s j sitting there and not screaming he looks rlly good.

6. AJ

I’m not gon lie he’s only low bc of the others, IK THIS IS MY CONSTANT EXCUSE BUT GUYS srsly, like he’s super yummy and idec that he’s short, but he’s still a little…low 😭

5. Filly

Now this is where it gets interesting, my top five are v interesting. Filly is so so soooo fine in my opinion. Charisma, face, body like I’ll close my eyes on the height part but I can’t even complain cause he’s still a lot taller than me. Like acc when I first saw him I was like “FINE FINE FINEEE!!!”

4. Sharky

Yeeee the ladies man. Honestly when I first started watching the BetaSquad I didn’t even like pay much attention to him ahaha it’s sad Ik, but now I acc see him. He is soooooo fffiinnneeeeee!!!! I luv u Sharky btw (putting that out there)

3. Harry Pinero

Now now now. “Lisa why is this fossil so high up on your list?” Guys I have a response. I rlly like his face. That’s it. Also I just DONT GET the hairline joke, like yes ok the sides are a little pushed back but why everyone pissing themselves over it? Like Id bully smth else other than his hair. Idk maybe it looks worse irl but to me I see nothin. Also do I even have to mention how funny he is?? Like ye he a menace on dating shows but that’s j for YouTube, for real I feel like he’s super chill and acc genuinely super fucking funny. And fine…a little old…but fineeee

2. Kenny

Uummm he’s the man of my dreams honestly. Good style, super hot, hot, very hot and did I mention hot? Like when I see a photo of him my phone just magically disappears into my left hand while my right hand just…uh…goes to do it’s own thing. I mean I post Kenny edits 24/7 because HE FINE FINE.

1. Niko

Are we surprised? Haha. No. Nikos leng. Mad. Fucking. Leng. Like if I ever see him irl ppl are LITERALLY gonna have to hold me back. Despite me switching (or trying) to a Kenny girly Niko will forever be in my heart (I’m still sad ab the gf now that it’s official) he’s tall, good face, good curly hair, long ass fingers, big ass hands (auntie walk but that okkaaaayy!!!! It’s cause he got a big booottyyy!!!! It’s gooooooood!!!!!)

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (14/07/24)

pretty chill week this time around this should be all the shows I'm watching for this season too, which is a lot less than last and all but 1 is on the weekend which is nice as well

green - new series/new to me blue - finale/completed

Anime

Mayonaka Punch Ep1

I decided to watch this months ago when it was announced cause it's PA and I like how the designs looked a lot. At first from the info they had revealed I thought it was gonna be about vtuber but nope it's just normal youtubers. The first ep was really good tho. Did a good job setting up our 2 mains here and their motivations and some others of the cast. It also looked very good as you'd expect from PA. It's kinda funny that the plot kicks off with the main character punching one of her previous partners when we just had that last season in Jellyfish. Also both the OP and ED were good, I liked them quite a bit

But anyway, pretty fun ep 1, the 2 mains got good voices (Fairouz Ai and Hasegawa Ikumi) and the rest of the cast looks like fun too. Not expecting to be blown out the water by it but it'll be a nice ride if they keep up the energy from this ep (which I expect from PA)

Bye Bye, Earth Ep1

Decided to watch this on a whim cause the PV I saw some months ago piqued my interested. Went in not expecting much, and good thing I did cause it's Liden so you know you're in for nothing special. I don't got much to say, its was a pretty generic adventure story start and there was nothing impressive about the episode, tho the OST by Kevin Penkin was p decent. Also, apparently this is based on some OLD LN that ran from sep 2007 to feb 2008 and only had 4 vols, with 12 chaps, which seems like an odd choice to adapat in 2024. Curious to see if they're gonna do it all or not and if they'll do the katangatari approach of 1 chap per ep. Tho, I don't know if I'll stick with it yet, we'll see how the next few eps go, but this is the only show I got on friday so prob gonna stick with it cause why not

Manga

Kaiju 8: B-Side Ch12 (Finale)

That was a nice little spinoff. We knew from the start it wouldn't be that long, since it's based on the novel but it was still nice seeing some more about these characters. It helps that they're my favourites too but yknow lol. The stories were nothing too special to be fair, other than Narumi's showing his backstory as an orphan the others didn't add anything to the characters we didn't know already, just went more in depth into details that were in the main manga.

The artist for it wasn't the one from the main manga. The one for this had a series on jump some months (years?..) ago called Super Smartphone which ended up axed. It was understandable but the art was pretty good so I was hoping they'd come back eventually, and come back they did, with slightly more polished art. Outside of the normal stuff, the action scenes were really good too which we never got to see much of in SS. I'll be looking forward to the artist's next work be it solo or teaming up with an author.

[appreciatingtokrev]

6 n 8 for the fic ask game ‼️‼️

ty ty for the ask taku <3

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

pfahahaha oml yeah. i’m over my cringy warrior cats fanfictions fron 5 years ago but i am NOT over my ayathoma smut fic from september 2021. seriously the only reason it’s still under my name is so i can flex with my 14k hits and 570 kudos adhkgsfjgd 😭 god i am begging all of you to ignore and forget that it exists. thanks 😭😭

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

ohh okay i actually have two answers for this bc i’m not entirely sure abt the older one. but that would be an entire warrior cats fan arc, even with some special adventures and a short adventure. i started working on it in 2019 and to date i’ve only written three chapters, plus i’d have to revamp it all, but something kinda tempts me about it... (this one is actually published lol but i am not gonna tell you where)

the other one is the first tokrev fic i ever started writing, that was back in december 2021. so old... okay. the fic is in hanma’s pov. basically kisaki survives getting hit by a truck but is in a coma for months (close to a year?), and when he finally wakes up he’s lost most of his memory, including everything he used to know about hanma. hanma is devasted but tries to befriend kisaki again, but kisaki doesn’t want to have anything to do with delinquents now because he can’t remember hina and thus doesn’t have any reason to. meanwhile hanma is still hopelessly in love with him, but kisaki doesn’t even know that... they try to become friends some more, until kisaki eventually tells hanma that this won’t ever work and hanma confesses in despair. kisaki tells him that he’s sorry, but that he doesn’t at all feel the same (perhaps anymore, since he doesn’t remember what he used to feel) and hanma finally accepts that kisaki simply doesn’t like him at all now. that’s it lol tho uhm. tbh i kinda wanna revamp it now... with a happy ending... and focus on kisaki still having all of his feelings/emotions from before but taking a while to figure out that the person he misses so much bc he’s in love with them is hanma because he can’t remember hanma, only his feelings for him? like. amnesia fics where they fall in love again are cool and all but like. what if neither of them ever fall out of love. what if the only problem is kisaki is so fucking dense he doesn’t know who he’s in love with even though he sees hanma every day. because kisaki can’t piece the longing ache in his heart together with the guy who visits him every day bc apparently they were best friends or smth before he lost his memory even tho he feels weirdly warm n comfy around him and gets those familiar comfy feelings when he’s with him and also hanma looks very nice and makes kisaki feel safe and happy and all giddy inside. but even then kisaki longs bc they’re friends and not boyfriends, and kisaki just can’t piece together that the longing is for hanma even if they’re close bc he longs for romantic love when they’re only platonic and he is fucking STUPID and oblivious when it comes to himself

ask game link

[mental-breakdown-machine]

You'll have to excuse the shitty lighting and also the weird green paint. I moved these into the kitchen to water and was too lazy to move them back for better photos.

I thought I'd post photos and talk about the plants that I was talking about in those other 2 asks a couple days ago.

I don't actually know the name of this plant. This is the really weird funky looking plant that I've had for about 4-ish years.

I got it from Walmart around Christmas time I think, it was very short and had very nice white flowers. It went outside for a brief bit because I thought it died after it was done flowering (clearly it did not) it's gotten very tall and you can kinda see in the photo it's being propped up by an unbroken pair of chopsticks. I really gotta get a different stake for it tho.

Amazing and easy to care for plant. looks nice and grows fast. 9/10

Disocactus anguliger or Fishbone cactus is probably one of my favourite plants I own because it looks very weird. That is usually the driving point of every plant I buy but this one took me like half a year to find.

This one is only about 2(?) years old. As they age and grow Fishbone cacti tend to droop downward, lending it an even more wild look and also making it a good plant if you want to put it in a hanging basket.

Mine is looking particularly strange as it's growing aerial roots right now which could be for two reasons: 1, It's looking for something to climb and latch onto (weird I know, I'll explain in a sec) anyway that's likely.

2, many tropical plants like the Fishbone cactus developed aerial roots to find more water (very likely).

The Fishbone cactus is a tropical plant which means that it requires a lot more water than you would usually give a cactus, mix that with it being a very dry and cold season and me forgetting to water it, it makes sense for the aerial roots to be there.

Final rating 8/10 The plant looks very nice, but may be harder to take care of if you often forget to water your plants as the soil needs to stay at least a little wet.

Dracaena trifasciata or mother in law's tongue? I just call it my snake plant because it is.

This is my oldest plant. I've had it for about 6 years and while I accidentally said it's about 4 feet tall it only about 3 and a half feet tall.

What I love about snake plants is that they require such low levels of light and water it's easy to just forget on a shelf. And if you do forget it, unless it's been a very very long time there's nearly no consequences. I do believe this is the first time I've watered this one in a month.

These plants are definitely my number 1 recommendation to people who haven't taken care of a plant before.

There are actually many different kinds of snake plants. The one I have is probably the most common, but they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, including one (Dracaena masoniana) that I kid you not looks like 1 giant leaf growing out of a pot. I want one desperately.

The care for snake plants are very easy and basically are: 1, keep in indirect light (and no light for a bit but don't forget to bring it out to the sun once in a while) water only when the leafs are bendy and kind of soft to the touch (the soil should be completely dry) and that's pretty much it! This is one of my favourite plants just for how easy it is to take care of!

rating is a 10/10 because it is just so easy to care for and is quite showy when the plant is more full and not the size of a toddler.

uh anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk?

[west-haven]

went into the Wikipedia page for Polysics cuz it has been over fifteen years, I couldn’t quite remember all the singles like I used to

(I am making a full checklist of all the albums I do and do not have, cuz I looked at my collection and I’m like WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DONT HAVE ENO???? so I’m gonna try to catch up)

And there was a new heading for Legacy which mentions a guy who said that For Young Electric Pop belongs on The Rolling Stones top 500 albums of all time which I’m like one, dude sick for saying that and two, oh this guy is following my on Twitter from the old Polysics days, small world!

So I sat thru FYEP for the first time in a long time with his quote in my head saying that it’s an accessible intro to Polysics and I’m like hmmmmmmmmmmm I doooooon’t think it’s the TOP album I’d blind rec to someone?

Like okay so the title track is a fav, but then it goes into Colon, which is a FUN song but I can imagine Hayashi’s vocalizations maaaaay turn people off initially? Like it’s some wild shit honestly rofl. Black Out Fall Out is GOAT tho, like that song alone does make me want to agree with him, that and Code 4. Get Back to 8-Bit and their cover of My Sharona are just fun and poppy, so yeah that’s some more good ammo for his thinking, for sure.

But let me raise you with: NEU

Go Ahead Now NEVER fails to get me hyped up, and honestly those next three songs are just back to back punk rock bangers. Making Sense slows things down so you can catch your breath (but man that bassline! Thank you Fumi!!) but then it roars back to life with Each Life Each End and the second half of the album. And of course, one of my eternal favorite Polysics songs: What. Honestly this entire album has an electric rock sound, couple with Hayashi’s younger punk energy that makes it an interesting listen all the way through.

Now I’m going thru their other albums to find like, solid full album recommends hmmmmm

Karate House is sublime, and sooooo many just fun rockin’ songs, tho of course Catch on Everywhere kind of requires some patience and/or watching the music video to actually find it cute if you haven’t seen/heard it before. But this feels like core Polysics sound, with songs like You-You-You, Hard Rock Thunder, Electric Surfin’ Go Go (duh), Shizuka is a Machine Doctor and of course, Polysics or Die to close it all out.

We ate the Machine is some solid good rock, and like soooooo many bangers but FUCK do I still hate DNA Junction omg. Just now I was like “it can’t possibly be that bad, it’s been nearly a decade since I’ve heard the song—” and then I click play and right away I go 😬😬😬 and it’s like fuuuuuck if that song wasn’t there then it would be so easy to recommend this album cuz dude the entire album after that is just sooooo good. Arigato, Blue Noise and Dry or Wet in particular! *holds up Kayo’s Dry or Wet sign from the live performance*

I think Absolute POLYSICS is them at their most razor sharp, I still remember when Shout Aloud (and that tease of Beat Flash) came out and it was just so WILDLY amazing. The chunk in this album that is First Aid, Fire Bison, Eye Contact, THEN Beat Flash???? Dude. I fucking LOVE it.

I guess it’s a cop out to say that Polysics or Die (especially the Vista version) is the perfect album to share with someone, because it’s a  compilation album. But!! Vista was the first album I bought, I got it—holy shit it was SIXTEEN YEARS AGO this month when I saw them live. That one in particular cuz it has the DVD of music videos too, tho. Basically the music videos for Polysics are all iconic, easy to just show those to people to see how they are. I mean that’s how it started with me, with my brother showing me I My Me Mine and then not too long later, I saw them live and then that was IT. Lifelong fan.

I think it’s amazing that sixteen fucking years later, I can still sit here and enjoy this music like this. I kinda did break away from the band after Weeeeeeeeee!!! and I don’t think I’ve heard much of their stuff after that. I’ve been meaning to give it a listen, though I did get their The Vocoders album, to listen to the reimaginings of songs. The original shit, and my four hour curated playlist is mostly what I listen to lol

Also how can I contact Spotify and tell them they put BESTOISU as coming out in 2005 when it actually came out in 2010!!! We will never forget 2010 in Polysics history cuz of Kayo leaving the band (these wounds will never heal) and the legendary Budokan concert!!!!

Anyway.... TOISU!!!!

PS: it is a damn shame that coelakanth.com is down and my THOUSANDS of posts there are mostly lost to the wind. Internet Archive has SOME threads but my long history of Polysics post is gone, which I’m super sad about. I had so much research there!! 😭

[non-e-per-sempre]

a life insight, haven't done that in forever

I've been going to a spin class at least once a week, sometimes when I feel freaky twice, for 8 months now, and it has changed my life in the strangest ways possible. I swear I became taller, I grew a couple of centimeters. I think it has stretched my spine because I'm 25 years old and growing at that age, how realistic is that? Also, my hair growth has been on, like steroids . My face in general has kinda sunk or like did a Bella Hadid, my jaw is so defined, but I am also giving Tim Burton character. This might aswell be the fact that I am over 25 now and aging is more visible and my "baby fat" has definitely left my face now. I don't know why my body has changed so much, mainly weight loss and that I now have defined muscles in my arms and legs, honestly baffled how 1 hour of sport once a week can do that.

Anyway, my degree seems to never end, and life at university is quite dull but strange af at the same time. I've done a lot more hands on computer science stuff than ever before, and overall, my "computer knowledge" has significantly improved, I feel more confident.

I still hate campus, tho and the isolation is kinda getting to me. There are legit no girls, I have one girlfriend, with whom I have 2 classes on Friday afternoon. I'm also exhausted with talking to the guys on campus or in classes, my social battery is in the red zone. I don't know how many group projects with just men, I have left in me tbh.

This semester I have 3 gp so far, and all are with men. One of those is a big project for which we don't even know exactly what it is for, our supervisor himself doesn't even know it's just an idea at this point. In this group there are 3 other guys and we had a meeting friday morning. It was beyond weird, to be honest. One of them, the oldest, is rolling over me like a freaking truck, u can tell he thinks I know nothing and that I'm just a girl and he started beefing with me before we even started. I am beefing with a 38-year-old man, what is my life? The other two are alright but one had to pointedly mention he had a girlfriend while looking straight into my eyes. "Okay, queen, I thought u was gay anyway, but good for u that u got a girl" was my actual thought at that moment. I swear he and that other guy have an intellectual relationship, an emotional affair. Because wym he just picks up your phone and changes it from vibration to silent or takes your mouse to click on a slide. I was just sitting there in this slightly gay cloud, but I don't judge I support.

Has my crush on Ratty Healy 2.0 ceased to exist? No. Unfortunately for me, I fear it is a case of limerence. Two weeks ago was a bit crazy, because it was a thursday evening and I had class until 20:50 but they actually finished at like 20:40 so that we could catch the 20:49 train. Anyway as I was walking on the bridge to the train station, there was a full moon, which was so beautiful that I had to take photos, and as I was on my phone walking down the stairs very slowly, I noticed somebody on my left hovering beside me from my peripheral vision. As I looked up from my phone, the person, a man, was already walking down the steps before me, but I knew it was Ratty Healy 2.0. After I reached the end of the stairs, he was walking before me and in the most obvious way possible, turned his head back to look at me thinking I wouldn't notice. Girl, pls I was watching him in his god afull outfit I saw his expression off. Oh, I got caught. It was already weird a couple of hours before at the coffee machine when he was there with a group of guys. Also his list of red flags is never-ending, he has a god-damn computer science podcast. Which is atrocious, btw. the grammar is awful, no cohesiveness, no target audience, just some discombobulated rambling. Plus, he wears skinny jeans, no need to say more.

Anyways my goal is to find a internship in software developement because the business side of my degree is nothing for me I'm not cut out for finance bro talks.

My life still looks the same as it did 10 years ago when I was 15 years old. I still basically wear the same clothes, live at my mothers place, am fighting with my dad, listening to the same music one could say I still look the same. I'm this teenager-woman-child who in less than 5 years it 30.

As always my besties are the greatest women on the planet and I am gratefull I was born into the same timeline as them.

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Monday, September 23, 2024 8:42 pm

so

i didn’t go to school today :P i’ve been sick since friday and it’s gotten a little better i guess. i was sooo sick friday i literally couldn’t stand up, i was so hot and sweaty it was gen disgusting

anyways, I’m still sick and i’ve been having loads of nosebleeds so that sucks, thats actually why i didn’t want to go to school cuz i was scared of my nose bleeding in the middle of class and most of my teachers don’t have tissues so id just be kinda fucked

sorry for swearing, I’m just a little runt you know? i also have homework due tomorrow that i’ve had since like thursday to do and i haven’t done it soo

as you know per my last post, I’m 16(i don’t remember if i said that lol) and I’m such a fucking loser i know but i’ve got a boyfriend(?) for the first time(ill explain later) but i’ve met him on discord cuz i was super desperate and whatever

and i’ve met him

changing the song I’m listening to hold on

i’ve met him about a little more than a month ago(i’ve been trying to make more bad decisions lately) actually i want to expound up l

sorry my nose started bleeding a little bit

i want to expound upon that more. i felt like i’ve been too responsible my whole life, like internet safety meant the world to me and shit. but then i was like, am i missing out? not that i want bad shit to happen to me, but i feel like everyone has does stupid internet shit once in their life so like i want it too?? and i feel a little more stupid because like my actions lack authenticity so it’s so much lamer. like if i was some 16 year old kid that’s just so desperate for a relationship they date some internet because they haven’t thought about the repercussions then it’s like a thing to look back on and ittle be like “ohh i was such a dumb kid hahah” but since i know what I’m doing i just look like a dumb fuck.

it’s not even that i don’t like the guy, he’s really nice to me and he acts like he really likes me. idk if he’s lying to get something out of me but I’m just gonna pretend it’s real for now and hope it goes well for me

that sounds really sad lol. i just mean like he’s the only person ever in my life that has acted attracted to me and everything so like ther

changed the song again

there’s something there that’s keeping me instead of just letting me realize this is a really bad idea and i shouldn’t just block him or something. he’s got something up with him and maybe i’ll complain about it another day but

OMG ALSO like 20 minutes ago i asked him if he wanted to call and he didn’t answer cuz ig he’s too busy playing dark souls 1 or something. which only pisses me off cuz it took a lot out of me to even ask. i have social anxiety(idk what it is actually) but like i feel like genuine pain when i have to speak to people and reaching out to him almost made my heart explode, which it does all the time. and ive been trying to make an effort to be braver and talk to people more but its so hard. its been working tho, I’m actually able to start and somewhat hold a conversation now. actually the only reason we r even talking rn is cuz i was trying to get better at social interaction. like the third time he dmed me, i considered not responding and just ghosting him but i was like, “NO. YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO THIS.” so i did and now we are like dating(?)

to explain the question marks, and i still haven’t gotten over this. he asked me one day if we were together or something along those lines then i was like “i though we were already together” and he’s all like “well if we were together i think we would text more”

and omg it pissed me off to no end. THE GUY WHO CANT TEXT ME FIRST SAYS WE NEED TO TALK MORE. ARE TOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? like dude so we aren’t dating in ur book unless we talk more(and this is after he said we were taking things slow, which i[how do i do italics] thought was code for casual dating) and then won’t fucking talk to me unless i say something

and I’m only complaining cuz he’s older than me(he’s 18) and has also been in a relationship before( also told me one time that i was acting like his ex and i almost shot and killed myself) like dude, i already told you about my anxiety and shit

whatever anyways it’s been like 30 minutes and he still hasn’t said anything. who cares. i didn’t. even want to call him anyways

what really sucks is i really like him and think about him all the time and idk and i haven’t called him in like a week T-T

I’m so fucking lame god

okay i don’t think i have any more things to complain about so i hope you all have a good day/night/morning! i love you. i really do love you. you took the time to read my stupid ramblings and i really love you. god i want to cry but i can’t even cry anymore

should i start numbering these?

9:15 pm

[m00nbag]

☆ Podcasts I’ve listened to (2024) ★

Welcome to nightvale (old but tbh I never even finished this one in full (I think it’s still going anyways) I used to be a huge fan years ago but randomly dropped it and I picked it back up a few months back but honestly I only listen to it when I go on walks sometimes when I don’t want to listen to music it’s still solid tho)

Alice isn’t dead (old but it was years since I last heard it so I re-listened to it in december¿ which technically isn’t 2024 but also it could of been january I can’t remember and time isn’t real so)

The bright sessions (another old I love revisiting things once it’s been years lmao)

The college tapes (NEW!! But only bc it’s like a continuation of the bright sessions in a way )

Wolf 359 (NEW and it was really good would listen to again)

Limetown (another re-listen BUT I never finished it fully when it first came out I only heard season 1 because s2 wasn’t out at the time when I last visited it so it’s like new bc of that but also not really)

And that’s it for rn! I might listen to the mangus archives or the black tapes next but I’m not sure also I’m not doing rankings for any of these bc it’s kinda like if it’s a re-listen then obv I’m a fan of said thing and it’s still held up in time n what not also im lazy I’ll update this whenever I listen to something else 8/28

[judydreamer]

Rating my essie collection

because I am very stressed and sorting things makes me less stressed

under a cut bc long

I have twelve shades in my collection (only decided to move from “having a few” to “actively collecting” about 6 months ago and have a rule to only buy them when I see them in the wild and one at a time. sure I could order them all. that would be boring tho)

going to rate them on name, colour, and formula /5 for each

1. all things

name: I can’t tell if this shade is “all things 000” or “all things ooo” or just “all things”. I could look it up but then I’d forget to come back to this post. anyway it’s a bs name. a nail polish cannot represent all things. 1/5

colour: it’s a light salmon pink that tbh does not look very good on me. 2/5 it was fun when I went to see Barbie

formula: separates into a weird oil quite easily, a bit thick when applied. 2/5

overall: 2/5

2. buns up

name: unsure if this is intended to refer to ballet buns or the baked good. 2/5 ambiguous

colour: pretty much exactly the same colour as my skin, light beige. a good nude tone for me. I opt for it a lot 4/5

formula: this is my oldest one I think? kinda pasty and gloopy now. 2/5

overall: 3/5

3. cocktail bling

name: guess it’s a play on cocktail ring. don’t think it describes the colour very well, I’d expect it to be bright or sparkly. 2/5

colour: a blue-grey tone that reminds me of old blu-tack, maybe a bit darker. a bit light on me 2/5

formula: not one of my favourites, a bit pasty 2/5

overall: 2/5

4. crochet away

name: crochet can be any colour so it’s not the most descriptive but it’s giving cosy vibes. 3/5

colour: a lovely mid-brown with the barest hint of purple. really enjoy it. 4/5

formula: excellent, glides on easily, full coverage with one coat. 5/5

overall: 4/5

5. fishnet stockings

name: banging. love a fishnet. vibes are accurate. 5/5

colour: very dark red wine colour, more of a warm toned red. a classic. 5/5

formula: goes on well but chips really quickly. 3/5

overall: 4/5

6. flare for fun

name: judging by the colour this is a reference to flared jeans. 3/5

colour: a solid mid-blue, like denim. lovely colour but not always the vibe for a nail. 3/5

formula: one of the best I own, glides on and stays there forever. 5/5

overall: 4/5

7. haute tub

name: hot tub? haute couture? why not both. 3/5

colour: very dark purple with pink/purple glitter. looks almost black on. 4/5 the glitter is fun

formula: irritating to apply, messy and patchy. equally irritating getting the glitter off. 1/5

overall: 3/5

8. meet me at sunset

name: very intriguing and leaves you in no doubt what colour it is. 5/5

colour: bright orange. don’t actually like it much in the bottle but think it does suit me. 4/5

formula: a delight to apply. 5/5

overall: 4/5

9. precious cargo-go

name: super cute! love it! refers to cargo pants, which are gay. 5/5.

colour: olive green my beloved. a very early buy. 5/5

formula: unfortunately awful. like applying cream cheese to your nails. smudges if you look at it wrong. 1/5

overall: 3/5

10. shall we chalet

name: one cannot “chalet” but I like that it rhymes. 3/5

colour: very similar to fishnet stockings but a bit more cool toned. 4/5

formula: lovely formula, nothing to critique. 5/5

overall: 4/5

11. taxi hopping

name: I thought the point of taxis was you didn’t have to hop between them. but I don’t live in New York I could be wrong. 2/5

colour: a medium mustard yellow, I do wonder slightly if it just makes me look like I’ve been smoking a lot but it’s lovely in the bottle. 3/5

formula: a bit thin, needs a few layers but solid once it’s on. 4/5

overall: 3/5

12. virgin snow

name: reminds me of belle and sebastian. 4/5 it is a bit weird if you think about it too much

colour: lilac! a very pretty colour but I have never seen snow that looks like it. 3/5

formula: very very thin and a bit temperamental 2/5

overall: 3/5

[sweatgrass]

[2:55a]🦞: Feeling a lot of big feelings randomly, Love went to bed and I got a little bit cross faded off of an edible even tho I insist being so makes me feel sick. I think I’m having one of those moments where the clarity of the fact that I’m going to be in my home town for a weekend in the adult way vs big kid at college way is starting to hit and it’s feeling miserable, I don’t like that I’m feeling poetic about it but also I’m thinking I’m finally just gonna let myself lean into desire and pretentiousness in a way that feels lame to other people. I’m already fucking weird to the people in my home town who don’t get it so I don’t understand why I’ve been trying to snuff it. I think it’s just scary to be yourself regardless of how much I insist it’s not and I don’t mind getting stared at. I think I’m also so bitter over the fact that being pierced + tatted + a slut + queer is a fun cultural moment now and not that deep shame that you’re spouse to bear under. I don’t understand why my turn at it got ruined but what am I spouse to do about it other then try again I guess.

[2:59a]🦞: ^really poetic way to say I’m probably gonna start doing porn in a less hidden way because like. All of my tattoos are already in it so Whagever!!!!!!! Also I want to actually try to do things with my gay little poetry and fashion. Idk what yet. I am the most gen z gen zer alive I think.

[3:03a]🦞: But also idk. I think maybe it’s less about me wanting to do porn and more about me and my needs to be heavily desirable to men even though I kinda hate all of them. I think unfortunately I will be easily reduced to the needy 14-year-old-not-a-girl-but-if-it-gets-me-attention-whatever that I’ve been forever and it’s kinda terrifying. I’m so less focused on being sexually appealing anymore as much as being desirable which is something that I think i need to sit on forever but in the current moment it kinda feels like the whole “intimate not pornographic” kick I was on months ago. Not sure.

[3:05a]🦞: idk. im spilling so hard rn but i hate my phone i hate my laptop i hate twitter i hate that its the easiest way to make money forever and i hate the way people look at me. i hate that its either only in sex appeal or pity. i want to chop wood till my arms burn and i want to be better at poetry and i want to know more words and i dont want to lean on substance to make my existence bearable i want to be something other then what i am at every moment ever.

[8:11a]🍑: i love u dude, those are a lot of big feelings but theyre also good ones to realize and sit on, i support you no matter what thing you decide to do slut it up, start making poetry books, cute outfit videos or something!!! the need to not rely on substances is crazy but eventually it gets easier especially when you get meds that work for you and stuff 💝

[moeitsu]

Number 7 pls!!

Also, who is that in your profile? If ya don’t mind me asking.

My profile pic is of Tamino Amir. He’s a Belgian-Egyptian artist and makes beautiful music. I would recommend him to anyone. I saw him live in February with Mitski and literally cried the entire time. He’s also drop dead gorgeous the man literally looks like a god.

I’m rambling.

Number 7: what tattoos i have and their meaning.

I’m actually really happy you asked that one because I have so many tattoos and i love them ALL!

Okay, I have 12 tattoos. I’ll try to keep it short tho.

1. “Spirit Lead Me” on my bicep. This was my 1st tattoo I got for my 18th bday. It’s from Psalm 143. I’m not really a religious person anymore, but I still appreciate the message. The whole verse is “Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. Show me what you want me to do, and let your gentle spirit lead me in the right path.”

2. A small bouquet of flowers on my hip. This one doesn’t have much meaning. It was a last minute tattoo i got because my friend was getting one and the artist was really chill and was like “you want one too?” And i just said sure and let him pick the art. Looking back, i don’t know why i did that😂

3. A Luna moth on my shoulder. I’ve always considered myself more of a moth than a butterfly, if that makes any sense. I took a picture of a Luna moth was i was 16 and i was obsessed with them ever since. Fun fact: the day i got it tattooed i got a Snapchat memory that i took that moth photo 3 years ago on the same day. It was just meant to be.

4. The master sword from Legend of Zelda on my arm. This one is kinda self explanatory. I just fucking love the games. I played my first was i was 9 years old and it became my entire personality for the rest of my life.

5. A soot sprite on my ankle. This one also doesn’t really have a meaning. A friend of mine had finished her tattoo apprenticeship and was doing small pieces on people as practice. So i asked her to practice on me and she gave me a cute little soot sprite.

6. “Set your heart ablaze” on my rib cage. I got this after the demon slayer movie. It’s one of my favorite animes, and Rengoku was such an important character to me.

7. An evil eye with a tear drop under the back of my neck. I’ve always worn the evil eye since i was young. I don’t remember when i started or why, but I’ve always had a necklace or a keychain or earrings with it on. I liked the idea of it on my back bc in my mind it wards off any negativity that people might send me when my back is turned.

8. A cecropia moth on my other shoulder. Not so much meaning behind this one. My other shoulder felt naked and i wanted to add symmetry with another insect. I chose the cecropia moth bc I found one in the woods one time and I felt like some kind of woodland fairy. It was literally the size of my hand.

9. 333. It’s my Angel number. I see it everywhere, and at least once a day. I was also born on the 3rd day of the 9th month and 3 was always a prevalent number growing up. (I was on bus #3. My childhood apt was #3. Me and my sibs make 3, ect)

10. A maple seed. I got this tattoo for my current partner. We’ve been together 7 years and on our second date we walked a nature trail and we had talked about watching the notebook later and I made a comment about “how romantic would it be if we kissed in the rain”, it was not raining that day. So he picked up handfuls of maple seeds and threw them in the air. They rained around us and he kissed me under them. It’s probably one of my favorite memories.

11. Peter Rabbit hugging his momma. This tattoo was dedicated to my mom. My nursery as a baby was Peter Rabbit themed, and I still have a lot of the decorations still in my room 24 years later :’) I also love my mom a lot.

12. A heart locket with my childhood cat in the frame. Pretty self explanatory. It was dedicated in his memory. He was literally the best cat ever and i miss him everyday. He passed on my 19th bday.

Thank you so much for asking Anon!!! I really enjoyed diving into this :)