#kinda depressing but also fits
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aiura shinigami eyes….. would she?
#isn’t that such a real thought#kinda depressing but also fits#she can see the mark of death anyway#who’s to say she can’t see all the rest of it#saiki k#saiki no psi nan#the disastrous life of saiki k#saiki k nonsense#tdlosk#saiki kusou no psi nan#aiura mikoto
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Ram comparing Subaru to a flower is so kind... Nee-sama, for all her scathing words, really loves Subaru in her own way...
In my mind, the image of Emilia are the moon (canon) and snow, so does that mean Subaru's image are the stars (canon) and flowers? I think Rem gets the blue sky imagery in canon, Reinhard is a fire I guess? (´・ω・`)
But Subaru being tied to flowers lowkey makes sense. There's the flower field date with Emilia, the flower crown, and also Puck's remark that Subaru is a 'sweet poison'.
Although Subaru dies for other people, there are also others who's willing to die to protect him and doesn't have any RBD that let them think there'll be next time (Rem, Otto, Ram, Emilia, Beatrice, the adults in Arlam village, Hyain, Weitz, Idra, Tanza, and the number may rise).
It kinda feels they're willingly let themselves "drink the poison even if it leads to their death" because the poison tastes sweet and gentle.
In Subaru's character setting for arc 1 in early 2013, it's written that "even though he sees himself as someone who doesn't care about others and only think of himself like young people nowadays, he's actually far more compassionate and idealistic than he realizes."
That compassion and idealism must be the "sweet poison" that Puck talks about and what everyone sees in both Emilia and Subaru...
#re:zero#re zero#and also how flowers is also associated with love in rezero (the astrea)#i just think it's kinda fitting for subaru#natsuki subaru#emilia and subaru are actually very alike but subaru's pov is trying to convince the readers that emilia is better than him#Sometimes rezero narration is depressing to read through lol
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ok I was sad but then I just remembered this belt I stole from a church
#it fits perfectly#best news years yall#depression cancelled I look gooD#also the stealing part is a joke#kinda
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random julie and the phantoms gifs 08/∞ (julie & luke in every episode edition)
#julie and the phantoms#jatp#jatpedit#**jatpgifs#julie x luke#juke#jukebox#julie molina#luke patterson#kinda cheated and fit 2 since there is a depressing lack of juke in episode 5#probably just gonna post these every thurs from now on.. im just having too much fun making these#also not tagging anyone bc im too embarrassed to ❤️❤️❤️❤️#i have the juke ones almost done ill probably freestyle after... giffing this show is the only thing keeping me sane sorry#also i am still learning how to use 2024 photoshop with a 4k laptop. having trouble with scaling#so im sorry if these arent up to par with my previous stuff#**mygifs
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So I finished the Farewell Rayashki event:
Wow, what an amazing event. Probably one of my favorites in Reverse 1999. I loved watching the story of the townspeople of Rayashki fighting back against Zeno to protect their home with the help of a down- on- her- luck researcher unfold. This was probably the first event story in this game that got me feeling emotional. I think what contributed so heavily to my enjoyment and investment in the story was how we got to familiarize with the town itself, from it’s backstory, to the lives the residents that live there.
Back before 1.8 released on global, I never had much of an opinion on Vila. All I really knew about her was that she was a top tier healer mermaid who liked talking about freedom and stuff. But man, this event story really warmed me up to her as a character. She’s such a lovely teacher for the children of Rayashki, always encouraging them to be open minded and learn new things (kinda reminds me of teachers I used to have). Vila’s also such a brave leader for the people, not afraid to speak her mind on the unfair treatment Rayashki was facing at the hands of Zeno and rousing the townsfolk to band together to find new ore to support the town. I also really liked her relationship with Windsong and how she encouraged Windsong to not give up on her dreams. And that’s not to mention her backstory of being shunned and scorned by humans and rusalka alike, yet being able to find a place where everyone could live in harmony in Rayashki. Such a great character :)
Avgust was such a cinnamon roll. Just about every appearance he made on screen was a delight to watch. He’s got such an odd yet endearing way of interpreting the world around him and that made for some excellent chemistry for him and the other characters. He’s so strange yet so cute at the same time, it’s no wonder my sibling went for him on Vila’s banner (they got Vila but not Avgust btw).
Windsong was definitely the MVP. At first I assumed she’d be like Yelan from Genshin: cool, alluring, mysterious, all the typical tropes you’d expect from a woman like her in a gacha game. Turns out she’s almost nothing like I’d expect. Windsong at first was awkward, anxious, not confident that the study of ley lines will even make a comeback due to past experiences. She was on the verge of giving up, yet throughout the story she’s able to finally prove the study of ley lines can be a valid and useful field with the help and encouragement of the townspeople. Watching her become a teacher for the kids at the school was also heartwarming to watch. Also watching Windsong tell that Zeno guy where to shove it was also pretty satisfying, seeing her developing friendship with Vila and the rest of the town was sweet, watching her slowly helping the town achieve their goals and subsequently reach her own and finally coming to her own as a researcher was so cathartic aaaAAA-
Overall, this event was incredible, thanks in no small part to the excellent writing. I absolutely love this story, and I can’t wait for it to rerun :)
#reverse 1999#farewell rayashki#god this story was so good#Almost made me cry a couple of times :#Oh yeah also the soundtrack for this event was full of bangers#Especially the main theme#I love how simple yet melancholic it feels#Fits the title extremely well#May or may not have been the reason I almost cried a couple of times but shhh don’t tell anyone#Kinda sad Rayashki’s gonna get stormed sooner or later#Because last time I checked its mostly just a normal town#Sure the main playable characters and the kids from school will be ok#Because they’re with the foundation#But what about everybody else???#man the thought of Rayashki getting erased makes me so sad :(#I don’t want them all to get thanos snapped after everything they’ve been through#Such is life 😔#Anyways enough depressing talk#go play the new event story you’re gonna love it#Thats all I got for now ok byyye
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I really love hope is a thing with feathers and I also really LOVE the hope as a sewer rat poem too but I wish it was not explicity written as "well actually" against Dickinson asgvsjnk. The imagery is SO GOOD but this whole vibe of "my metaphor is better than your metaphor" kinda sours it for me
#i dont like the patronizing usage of ''Emily'' like theyre explaining something to a child#admittedly dickinson has been dead for over a century so its probably huge deal to talk about her flippantly in terms of poetry#this is just me personally. how i feel about it#i dont like her being namedropped like that#it has this energy of ''haha lemme school this bitch''#when the poem itself was never supposed to see the light of day. she never consented to it being published. girl was 5 years in the grave#it feels like making fun of somebodys diary#i also dont like how it kinda makes fun of dickinson's imagery of hope as something ''beautiful delicate'' thing#i always interpreted as it is told. a little bird. i pictured a fat fluffy thing like the ones i see outside my window#ive known them to be stubborn and mischivious#when we leave out seeds on the lawn the little ones are always bullied away by the crows and magpies#but they keep trying. theyll attempt to sneak over and peck away before the crows notice them#they ARE optimistic and resilient little things. tougher than they look#so i always found the metaphor apt#sewer rat also fits just as well. but i think it depends on the angle from how youre looking at it#so i dont like this vibe of ''it should be more RAW it should be UGLIER'' cuz even tho i love that style of writing#it just feels like unnecessary one-upping here#especially considering dickinson was severely depressed and tons of her poems reflect it#god forbid she dabble around with the occasional light hearted poem about seeing hope as a silly little bird#asgsjsnk sorry im not trying to make a statement or anything. ill delete this later probably
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Conical Depression by KrmaL!!
i have not thought about most of this very thoroughly. the general ideas are there though
he/any pronouns
very silly guy. like legend has it he has not taken a thing seriously ever (mild hyperbole)
most of the hate against him was about his rate status, which isn't exactly his fault. he's not really too upset about it, but obviously it gets a little annoying
she was actually one of the first levels to really stand up for Buff This, and the two have since become friends
people call them Coni because their full name is way too long and quite frankly inaccurate
#i kinda wanted to have at least one of the personifications i make be more light-hearted#and i thought it'd be both funny and somehow fitting for Conical Depression to be the one#also no character art yet#if anyone else wants to make the design for em#absolutely feel free#geometry dash#gdblr#geometry dash humanized#gd conical depression#gd buff this
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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as a bona fide vaxleth lover i am more confused than ever about how they are portrayed on the animated series i'm not gonna lie 😭
#not that different is bad like it doesn't affect or 'ruin' the actual source material#i just legitimately do not understand some of their choices here#there's stuff i really like ofc but u know. i've written multiple long analyses about conflict in their relationship#and in previous seasons it seemed to me like they were just smoothing out those sharp edges which bummed me out ngl#(for one there was a line at the end of s1 where kiki directly contradicted her campaign self in favor of No Conflict that i was feeling#unsatisfied with. and s2 didn't contend with rq as a sticking point for keyleth really at all)#and like to be honest my distaste for that is biased by like fandom drama of years past and people shitting on them for that exact stuff#so for me it kinda felt like an updated and palatable version that appealed to the group of people that made me feel bad for liking them#which is again like a strong personal bias lol but u know it also is just. a really important story to me that i love#but this season it's like they went no no. they do actually need to fight that was a big thing. hmmmm what about#AH YES. let's reverse their povs about their relationship completely.#have not finished ep3 yet but 10 min in i'm just like HUH?#again this doesn't rly matter and the show remains an enjoyable adaptation it's just truly bizzare to me 😭 how did this choice get made#it speaks#lovm spoilers#sorry I'm not done yet actually because the specific conflict about happiness in the present being or not being worth sorrow later#is the VERY CORE OF BOTH OF THOSE CHARACTERS and to switch which one feels which is way more than weird for the romance it's weird for like#what each of their whole individual deal is. that's why i'm so ??????????????#gah. i truly don't want to complain too badly#(and tbh the eps simply don't have enough runtime for vax to be as completely-falling-apart as he actually was and the role of#depression and trauma and self-loathing in that vs like. a more easily telegraphed supernatural boogeyman#-which if they slowed the pace down more might fit in but the scale of the story is so grand that they can't so like i begrudingly get it.#but still absolutely wild for the solution to be: do away with their actual arguments about divinity or keyleth's insecurity about#outliving all of vox machina. oh btw we are giving the vision she had of that to vax as a gift from rq or whatever#so he can be inscure about it instead. because he's fate touched or smthn. and that's too abstract for us to explore here so let's just#give him ominous visions.)#the more i have typed the saltier i have gotten i'm sorry it's just WILD TO MEEEE
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visual snow
i no longer recognize the faces that surround me
#my art lol#vocaloid#vocaart#vocaloid fanart#kaito vocaloid#vocaloid kaito#static#blue#pink#meiko vocaloid#len kagamine#only cause they're there in the back lol. the others were supposed to b here too but i couldnt fit them 😭😭#also there's no code to decipher here that's just garbled/corrupted text lol#the original thoughts when drawing this then morphed into something sooo fucking depressing 😭 kaito my guy im so sorry it just happened#'ohh i kinda wanna draw kaito but idk situation to put him in...' 'oh im kinda depressed again lemme draw/vent' GOOD JOB LOOK WHAT YOU DID.#LITERALLY i never get a break i just. where do all these depressing ass vocaloid ideas come from?? idk im cursed w/ visions & mental illnes
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reached out to a psychologist ✅️
wrote the last therapist i had like ten years ago to send me my patient file ✅️
let's GOOOOO
#i'm actually sooooooo curious what that woman wrote in her files about me because i remember her dismissing anything i said that didn't fit#the diagnosis she wrongfully gave me and me being so confused about what was even happening there because like. the treatment wasn't for me#it didn't fit my symptoms and i kept trying to tell her what's wrong with me but she didn't really listen LMAO#but also i was 13 so i wasn't exactly assertive and kinda just went along with it. perplexed and bewildered.#me: i can't really feel emotions and i don't really think thoughts and i have very limited interests and no friends#her: oh you have a minor depressive episode! i can treat that!#me: i'm not sad tho and i can't feel negative emotions#her: that's not possible tell me more about how you feel sad. where in your body do you feel sad#me: oh ok. in the. sadness area. i guess.#her: what does it feel like#me: ........ sad 🙂#imagine this but we had weekly fucking sessions for months
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local man forced to think about their father: one dead, countless injured.
#eliot posts#i just got a gift in the mail from him#he almost always gave us gifts on valentines day#it's like. he was sweet sometimes yknow?#but he's also the same man who shoved me against a wall and threatened to stab me in a fit of drunken rage that one time#he used to put me on his shoulders to pick fruit from the tall branches to bake pies with#he also used to mock me til i was near tears for his own amusement#he'd stay in my bed with me when i was little and gave myself nightmares from watching too many of those cryptid documentaries#but also he stunk of booze and once was so drunk he pissed himself in my bed and i had to scrub myself off before going to kindergarten#it's. easier to deal with my feelings about my mother in some ways#she was just. pretty consistently awful.#sometimes the *ways* in which she was awful varied (i think she's who i inherited the bipolar from)#like would it be violent controlling manic or distant avoidant depressed? it was a surprise#but i could kinda count on the fact that like yeah whatever she sees me as a burden no matter what. whatever.#but with my dad... oof. much more complicated.#abuse mention
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youtube
good morning and happy saturday 🤍
#throwing it back real far today#the weather is depressing here so it's a kinda fitting choice lmao#also join us next week for the last acoustic mahmood saturday morning for a while 🥲#mahmood
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apparently I preordered an audiobook when I had a free one from audible (yes I know but if they want to give me a poor person an audiobook I am too weak to resist, also it's how I get my stormlight archive fix every few years) and I don't know what it is and I am also afraid to check because I am a very weird coward with issues about notifications
#what could it be#i know its not stormlight archive 5 because i would be having way more an excited fit if it were#them fuckers are my number 1 comfort books to listen to and it would be cool to have a new one#sighs#last time i checked everyone was theorizing kaladin would die in 5#which i will accept with dignity but it will make me very sad because (sincere moment)#kaladin stormblessed being his depressed and traumatized and extremely ill self and both continuing anyway#but also recognizing that he couldnt continue in the same way#have helped me get through some real tough shit#also navani strangely enough who i was like okay with up until RoW#but then getting more of her experience while i was being severely emotionally abused kinda... yeah#but yeah my new audiobook isn't stormlight 5 so#maybe if i force myself to check it'll be a fun reveal#and then i can listen to a book i was apparently into enough to preorder#last new book i read was in august 🙃#and i feel such pressure to read so i can be a better writer#but i dont waaaaant toooooo because emotions can be painful and i don't want to hurt#sincere moment over#positively i have written 26kish words and i kind of have an idea of how things fit together#just gotta clme up with the overarching structure for this one#the present-past flip-flop was an accident that came from the fic starting out as a one-shot and then getting Too Fucking Long#and then i decided i liked it and had a little fun time trying to tie each part to the next with some specific imagery or theme or event#this one can't do that... or at least not in exactly the same way#i have a couple of ideas and i guess ill see what works#i like gimmicky bullshit too much and i apologize#but luckily no one has to read my fics so they can't complain that im gimmicky#on thursday i have a dreaded dentist appointment but on the plus side i have often written the best in medical waiting rooms#fingers crossed#(also on thursday i am getting a pakige with stuff that will let me set up a 2nd monitor and that is exciting)
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Ok ok final thing b4 i go back to what i was doing b4 and not being distracted. But 1 thing i hate abt omori is that like. I cant SAY anything abt it like everyone already KNOWS i cant be like "ogh the symbolism here " BC EVERYONES HEARD OF THE SYMBOLISM THERE likeeee . Its smth i rlly like abt jrwi bc like u basically always have New things to say bc theres accidental foreshadowing allll the time (and also purposeful but tbh most is like smth vaguely said in ep10 which predicts an entire arc or smt) and since its hundreds of hours long, ppl forget things n can be reminded and likeee since its dnd which is so imagination based, theres so much room for interpretation. But w omori its like. I could be like Damn Yea This Rlly IS Like Depression and veryones like Yea. Thats The Point.
#night thoughts#its mostly like. i rlly like how the pace of hs rlly does feel so accurate to what depression n escapism is LIKE#bc like. everythings seems to get sorta slower and longer and more convoluted as time goes on#to the point where being in headspace feels sorta mind numbing#BUT the thing is ik thats just me bc loads of ppl rlly like headspace n ik a lotta ppl have said#that the way the rw is almost more boring than hs and how they couosnt wait to get back to bed is also rlly like fitting#AND THATS TRUE#but for me hs always felt so slow and just. like trekking up a mountain#AND THATS WHAT DEPRESSION N ISOLATION FEEL LIKE#after spending so much time just as Nothing time just kinda stops existing#and the few chances u do go outside n see friends. seems like kickstarting ur brain#n suddenly ur not wallowing in numb lethargy but ur EXISTING#and sometimes it does feel like ud prefer to be in the Slow and Comfortable isolation#until u realise that just huge contrast in urself#idk maybe im tryna make it relate to myself too much#bc i first played it a bit under a year ago when i was in a massive rut and never went outside n never talked to anyone#til one day i decided to go on a walk just. on a whim#and i saw a cat on that walk and like. i see cats round town all the time#but just bein on a walk n feelin the air n seein the cat was the most id felt in months#and idk yea#ANYWAYS back to not being distracted.
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i enjoyed writing my last fic but in retrospect i got so caught up with my love of scene descriptions that i think the fic ended up suffering and being boring to read bc of it........
i have another fic idea (star trek this time) bubbling around in my head and i think if i write it i'm going to try to take some lessons from my previous fic to make it more engaging to read!!! like just picking out what i do/don't like abt it and seeing how i can incorporate that into the one i'm working on now. i figure if i keep on doing that then over time i might see some progress and improvement in my writing skills bc ik i have a long way to go atm but i want to do better 💪😤
#i feel like writing is hard for me bc i used to be ''good'' at it for my age#and got a lot of recognition for it in my early teens which kinda led to me developing an ego abt it#so then when i got rlly depressed in my mid-late teens and it was very bad until a couple of years ago#i just didn't write at all really#and then ig i thought i could come back to it now and still be ''good''#but it was a bit arrogant of me to think like that bc i'm not a kid anymore so the standards are higher#and also i've barely practiced#i didn't want to admit to myself that my writing is pretty mediocre but i've been doing some reflection on it#and realised that that is the case and i need to accept it#and accept that i need to practice if i want to ACTUALLY get good#it's hard to fit around uni and drawing as well but i'm trying to write little drabbles every now and then for fun#and hopefully i will see some improvement if i keep at it
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